So, it just so happens that I get a random text. Telling me that she doesn't want me to hate her. She still loves me deep down. So I pushed back. She is in another relationship already.

Then its brought up that she fears its too late to repair things. Like, what things? Aren't you in a relationship already?

Im told she is trying to right wrongs she has done. I ask again. What do you mean. Just come out and say it.

Then she cut it off. She had to go to bed for work.

I fear that the regret is talking. I fear that the shame is talking. I need the strength to keep on the path I am on. 41 days to go. I am afraid of hearing she wants me back.

I just dont get it. Im tired of my emotions being played with. I do love her. Always will. Spent too long in my life to not. But I gotta tame those feelings for now.