TheRedArchive

~ archived since 2018 ~

Candidate_Worldly Archive

View 2 posts and 468 comments by Candidate_Worldly on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
Search in:
In subreddits:
More
Filter by year/month:
Upvotes Comment on Subreddit Date (UTC)
3

'Can't you see how fucking annoying it would be if you're in each other's face each day, every day, for years or even decades hence?' You've just described lockdown during Covid, when we were both trapped in the house WFH. It was the start of the rot after 26 years together.
/r/Divorce_Men24/07/26 02:42 PM
7

Marriage is a sham. It means absolutely nothing to a lot of woman out there. My ex included. Needled me endlessly to marry her, then discarded me like trash when things got a bit tough. Destroying our family and leaving our daughter without a proper home in the process. Don't get married again.
/r/Divorce_Men22/07/26 01:13 PM
6

Helped me more than any therapist could. Knowing other men were going through similar heartbreak and trauma helped me so much.
/r/Divorce_Men22/07/26 01:07 PM
1

And almost inevitable that they will ultimately end up alone.
/r/Divorce_Men21/07/26 12:24 PM
2

Laugh in her face
/r/Divorce_Men21/07/26 10:38 AM
4

disgusting, you're better off without that skank
/r/Divorce_Men17/07/26 02:10 PM
1

Lol, our stories on here are uncanny sometimes. Tales as old as time it seems.
/r/Divorce_Men16/07/26 10:18 PM
2

This is the way I did it. started at 30 max when we split, now up to 90 in one go. Feels good!
/r/Divorce_Men16/07/26 03:24 PM
6

I keep going because there is no other choice and my daughter needs her dad. I 'm two years out from separation after 26 years together. A strange thing has happened. Lately I have lost all interest in women. A year ago, I was hoping to find a new partner. Now I don't. I hope this lack of interest continues tbh. Its liberating not to be constantly obsessed with sex/intimacy and having a partner. The way my marriage ended and how my ex destroyed everything, without even an attempt at fixing thing…
/r/Divorce_Men16/07/26 01:29 PM
8

Always hurts when they leave. I've got my 13 yr old daughter until Friday. Then she is at Her's for 7 days. I'm really going to try and not drink too much this weekend to drown my sorrows. Fuck her for destroying my girl's family and taking away her home. Such a cool kid though. Watched Project Hail Mary with her last night.
/r/Divorce_Men15/07/26 01:56 PM
3

If you're anything like me, 9 months means you are nearly at the end of the worst of it. First year was hellish as you're finding out. Seeing friends, keeping the place clean, good relationship with your boy means you're making great progress. Well done, it gets better the more time that passes, bro.
/r/Divorce_Men10/07/26 02:50 PM
2

100%
/r/Divorce_Men10/07/26 12:30 PM
5

Another story like mine. First year we separated I was in bits, Blaming myself, her blaming me for everything..I was barely holding it together, don't know how I held onto my job. We were meeting regularly and I was trying everything to keep a connection. Then a year in something clicked , I didn't want to meet her any more. I didn't recognise her. The respect was gone. It's a year since I've seen her. Our kid is older, so no handovers etc
/r/Divorce_Men09/07/26 07:54 PM
3

Like the guy before me said: Time. That's it. Be aware though, it may take a good while. I'm almost exactly 2 years out from separation. First year was hell, second was regrouping. It's night and day to where I was a year ago. Stay strong, this will pass.
/r/Divorce_Men09/07/26 05:52 PM
6

Why forgive her? No kids? Ignore her existence and get on with your life. Lucky you can do that. The anger will pass. I preferred the anger stage than pining for her. The opposite of love isn't hate. its indifference. That's your goal now
/r/Divorce_Men09/07/26 05:27 PM
2

Yup, really wish it wasn't. Hey ho. Onwards and upwards. Or maybe sideways.
/r/Divorce_Men09/07/26 04:23 PM
13

Listen man, they will nearly always blame you for everything , regardless of the reality. Its just the standard playbook response. After some time passes, once the shock wears off, and you stop beating yourself up over it, things will be clearer and more a reflection of reality. Trust me, I've been there, as have dozens of men on here.
/r/Divorce_Men09/07/26 04:15 PM
7

You blame yourself now. Unless you were abusive, cheating or an addict, in a year or two you will gain clarity and realise it wasn't all one sided. That's when the healing starts.
/r/Divorce_Men09/07/26 02:02 PM
9

Took 20 years for mine to change into a bitter resentful awful person I didn't recognize at all. Blamed me for absolutely everything before she left. It got so farcical at the end, I remember looking out the window having breakfast one morning, and apologizing to her because it was raining. She didn't luagh at my sarcasm needless to say lol Destroyed everything we had, took my daughter's home and family away and discarded me like trash. She can gtf forever, quite frankly.
/r/Divorce_Men09/07/26 12:26 PM
7

There's two version of me. The one before and the one after the end of my marriage. They are two very different people. I used to plan my future, look forward to it, now I live day to day. I fight through the week I don't have my daughter , nothing more. Try to eat well and get rest. That's the limit of my expectations. I stopped talking to family about the separation. They do not understand and after a while they get tired of it. Its pointless. I will never put myself in a position of vulnerabi…
/r/Divorce_Men09/07/26 11:47 AM
4

You should let my ex know this. I don't think she got the memo.
/r/Divorce_Men08/07/26 12:46 PM
1

The same. Like a fool, for a year I tried everything to keep a connection afer she left. She can gtf now. If I saw her on the street I'd cross the road. Unfortunately I have to share a child with this witch.
/r/Divorce_Men07/07/26 12:51 PM
1

I'd bet a women with that attitude. There is absolutely nothing wrong/immoral/weird/predatory with an age gap for either men or women, for the vast majority of people. Its been happening forever, and will continue happening. I've noticed that its become a thing fairly recently to label people older than their partner as predatory controlling and weird. it's bullshit. Attraction is attraction. If you click, you click. As long as both people are over the age of consent and have free will the rest …
/r/Divorce_Men06/07/26 10:24 AM
2

Sounds nuts, but the serenity of the Wood Pigeons who live in my back yard bring me peace too. I love their calming cooing. Human beings are just too much a lot of the time.
/r/Divorce_Men06/07/26 10:07 AM
1

He just is.
/r/Divorce_Men03/07/26 07:51 PM
2

I'm almost exactly two years out from separating. I've trained myself not to think about the 26 years we were together. It doesn't always work, but the rumination is much less now. I don't think much about the future either. My daughter is my main priority.
/r/Divorce_Men03/07/26 11:47 AM
1

Stress, drama, and constantly monitoring you for any weakness.
/r/Divorce_Men03/07/26 11:44 AM
1

This. Treat him with contempt, but don't rise to his shite.
/r/Divorce_Men02/07/26 09:40 PM
5

My wife wasn't cheating on me. That was not the reason that we split. I'll make it clearer this time: you are spouting BS without a clue what you're talking about. You should ask yourself why.
/r/Divorce_Men02/07/26 01:03 PM
1

Yeah I get a similar thing about her saying she wants my daughter to spend time with me, then when I try to claim days back that I'm due, the nastiness comes out. Latest comment was 'this is why you don't have a wife anymore' Just gtf with this dismal crap.
/r/Divorce_Men02/07/26 12:36 PM
3

Yer talking bollox man
/r/Divorce_Men02/07/26 11:43 AM
0

It's nothing to do with my feelings It's about the well being and safety of my child. Children's needs do not include their parent shacking up with some random with no clue of their motives or their past. You think blindly trusting someone you know nothing about living with your child is putting your child first? I'm glad I don't think like you.
/r/Divorce_Men01/07/26 02:01 PM
3

Exactly, it will play on your mind and you will regret it immensely OP. He needs you in his life and tbh your ex doesn't sound like the most grounded person.
/r/Divorce_Men01/07/26 01:48 PM
8

Frustrating af, but you did the right thing by not being the bad guy. That's strength and self control. Well done.
/r/Divorce_Men01/07/26 01:39 PM
3

'Basically more people in your kid’s life who love them makes it better. For everyone, really. I’m so thankful that my kid’s stepmom loves and cares for him as if he was her own' Its either naive or delusional to believe that some random that your ex is shacked up with loves your kids like a real parent. I can't get my head around that mindset at all. Its pure fantasy and not in any way protective of your kids
/r/Divorce_Men01/07/26 12:13 PM
8

This, more than anything, is my main worry. I don't trust my ex's judgement. My daughter is 13. If I have any suspicions whatsoever I will go nuclear. I don't trust any guy that cosplays being a parent to another mans child. It instantly raises red flags for me. I dgaf if that seems extreme. So far there is no other guy yet. My daughter has said if my ex does end up living with someone else, she will live with me full time. but whether that pans out in reality is another story.
/r/Divorce_Men01/07/26 11:52 AM
7

I hate how this sounds sexist, but what is happening to women these days? They seem utterly selfish, ruthless and unable to take any accountability. Most of them seem to be a bit unhinged too. For the first time in my life, I really don't think I want the hassle and stress of another partner, but I also don't want to be alone. FML
/r/Divorce_Men30/06/26 02:08 PM
3

Same for me too. I try not to think about my old family life, all in the house together. I loved that more than anything else. It seems unreal now.
/r/Divorce_Men30/06/26 11:45 AM
1

Ghost his sons? That's some terrible advice.
/r/Divorce_Men30/06/26 11:33 AM
2

You've got to get out of this mindset. Just because your marriage failed, it doesn't define you. Fuck her. Don't give her that power. Listen, I often start thinking like this too. I was 26 years with my ex and tbh my self esteem is on the floor, even now two years separated. It's scarred me in a way I didn't anticipate. I can see its done the same to you. But there is no future in this mindset. We have to push through this. If you have kids (and i think you do from your previous posts) they are …
/r/Divorce_Men27/06/26 11:58 AM
3

Was she 'emotionally abusive' to you at any point in the marriage? Do you consider her at fault in any way for the breakdown of your marriage or was she the perfect wife, always there to support you and listen properly to your problems?
/r/Divorce_Men25/06/26 07:16 PM
2

Its in November? Personally I wouldn't even think about it until at the earliest 48 hrs before.
/r/Divorce_Men25/06/26 01:45 PM
2

I'm dreading bumping into my ex. And its actually quite likely as we live in the same general area of the city. I don't know what I'll do if it happens, Hopefully notice her first and cross the street. I hate the fallout from the end of a marriage. A multi-layered shitshow.
/r/Divorce_Men24/06/26 05:28 PM
3

Still after 5 years? Shit...I'm two years in and anger/resentment stills feel pretty fresh . Fuck this shit.
/r/Divorce_Men24/06/26 11:04 AM
8

What was the fucking point of getting married if you’re just going to give up? This is the question that rolls around my head day in, day out. My ex needled me endlessly to get married, then some tough times with family deaths, work stress , normal things that happen to every couple and boom, she bails. 26 years gone It's left me questioning the point of any relationship now.
/r/Divorce_Men23/06/26 04:59 PM
2

'It’s like she pushed super hard so we couldn’t get back together, now she wants to.' If she left once, she will almost certainly do it again. This is what finally stopped me holding out for reconciliation. Even if you do get back together, its very likely just borrowed time until she blows everything up again. Fuck going through this again.
/r/Divorce_Men23/06/26 01:51 PM
1

Like the guy above said, I just can't take you seriously
/r/Divorce_Men23/06/26 01:39 PM
2

If I were you, I'd cash the house in, then take off in the underwater vehicle. If you surface somewhere near the Virgin Islands, you should be safe.
/r/Divorce_Men23/06/26 11:40 AM
4

I have to agree with this, one thing the end of a long marriage shows you is how expendable and valueless relationships are to so many. Never will I put myself in a position to get hurt again.
/r/Divorce_Men22/06/26 11:39 AM
4

You just have to keep going one day at a time. We have no choice. So many of us have very similar stories to you, me included. This weekend is mine without our daughter and its just bleak. I've been out Friday and Saturday with friends,it was fun and a distraction but Sunday is always the worst. I still struggle to believe this is my life. I've actively stopped thinking about my old family life, our beautiful home, all the things we did. It hurts to remember. Make sure you are getting out and se…
/r/Divorce_Men21/06/26 11:21 AM
1

I know how you feel, believe me. But you only have one choice: to keep going for your kids. And yourself. Your marriage and ex don't define you. I struggled with living alone for the first year. Its the first time in my life I've lived alone. It's a real shock to the system, but it does get better. Do you not have your kids some of the time? I have my daughter every other week, and the week alone is still something I dread. But I have no choice. This loss of control was something I really strugg…
/r/Divorce_Men19/06/26 11:58 AM
1

Not just hard for Indian men bro! Good luck.
/r/Divorce_Men18/06/26 03:25 PM
2

ouch, what a joke marriage is to some people
/r/Divorce_Men18/06/26 02:23 PM
3

If I were you , I would learn to be single and comfortable alone for a good while. Easy to say I know, but it is essential that you can be by yourself and be ok with that. I am nearly 2 years separated from my wife after 26 years , 13 married. I do want female intimacy, but am now comfortable with solitude. I think you should work on this. The idea of another serious relationship is still not something I would consider. I have lots of trauma from the split. I lost so much, both financially and e…
/r/Divorce_Men18/06/26 12:13 PM
5

Yeah I find this crazy. Its completely ruined my idea of long term relationships in the future. I'll never commit like that again, not risking going through this hell a second time
/r/Divorce_Men18/06/26 11:56 AM
1

Even more tragic then.
/r/Divorce_Men18/06/26 10:53 AM
9

I bet you could find something offensive in an empty room on your own.
/r/Divorce_Men17/06/26 09:39 PM
2

See this is why I cant ever see myself in another ltr. Once the honeymoon period is over, you are being assessed and vetted every waking hour. Anything that they feel unhappy about will invariably be my fault. Can't be arsed with that tedious ball ache again, quite frankly.
/r/Divorce_Men17/06/26 03:34 PM
4

Valid? You don't think you owe the person you committed to some form of explanation? Why tf did you even get married?
/r/Divorce_Men17/06/26 12:13 PM
4

Yep, all those years building something significant together, property, wealth, a family, a stable home for our daughter, all trashed and worthless to her. And I'm supposed to bounce back and trust women again? Its seems impossible.
/r/Divorce_Men17/06/26 12:05 PM
2

I'm assuming you were absolutely perfect, and your husband never vocalised the need for YOU to change in some ways?
/r/Divorce_Men17/06/26 11:58 AM
3

Chasing someone who left is pointless. It actually makes things worse. Ask me how I know.
/r/Divorce_Men16/06/26 03:18 PM
3

Yup
/r/Divorce_Men16/06/26 01:21 PM
3

Not everything, but many things in this context are a manipulation tactic.
/r/Divorce_Men16/06/26 01:05 PM
3

Amazing the similarities to my own situation. Why are they like this?
/r/Divorce_Men16/06/26 12:00 PM
3

Yeah I did everything I could for the first year separated to keep a connection going, meeting for coffee etc. She refused to talk about any of the issues leading up to her walking out. Eventually I just gave up and ghosted her as much as possible with a daughter. There really is no point in chasing the person who left. My healing started properly once I let go. I still miss her, but I've also lost a lot of respect for her, how worthless our family and marriage was to her.
/r/Divorce_Men16/06/26 11:49 AM
2

Bullshit.
/r/Divorce_Men15/06/26 11:43 AM
10

She will make you feel absolutely everything was your fault. You will believe it initially and beat yourself up over it endlessly at the beginning. She will accept no accountability at all. Its just what they do, more often than not. Over the next couple of years you will have time to reflect and realise this isn't true. Your opinion of her will change. You will remove her from the pedestal she doesn't deserve to be on.
/r/Divorce_Men15/06/26 11:02 AM
3

The person that leaves has to be the one that initiates wanting to come back. Everything else is certain heartbreak and a waste of time
/r/Divorce_Men15/06/26 10:48 AM
1

Hell is other people, as a French guy once said
/r/Divorce_Men12/06/26 03:43 PM
8

Stories like this give me real second thoughts about another relationship after splliting with my ex wife. It all sounds so exhausting and stressful. I have no tolerance for this right now. I really hope thing work out for you, but your situation is food for thought. Good luck bro.
/r/Divorce_Men12/06/26 03:38 PM
1

A tale as old as time. Mine bailed after 26 years together. No closure, not willing to engage and try and work things out refused to talk about it completely.. We met a few times as i was desperate to try and keep thing c going and she wanted to talk about movies and other pointless trivia. Utterly bizarre. Eventually I ghosted her completely, then she tried to engage by text, buying present for xmas birthday. I ignored completely. Forget trying to understan/ get closure. It ain't going to happe…
/r/Divorce_Men12/06/26 03:33 PM
2

Thing is, eventually I'm going to want another partner. Not now for sure. But another menopausal maniac? Sheesh, I cant even imagine enduring this again
/r/Divorce_Men12/06/26 01:20 PM
1

Yup, 43 was when she really became Jekyll & Hyde.
/r/Divorce_Men12/06/26 01:18 PM
1

Almost certainly! Maybe they'll think back to what they said and reflect.
/r/Divorce_Men11/06/26 05:39 PM
6

It'll get better now that you've got your own place. I've been there. Time heals. You have your boy and he has you. That's all that matters now. Good luck bro, this shit is hard, no two ways about it.
/r/Divorce_Men11/06/26 04:07 PM
1

I was joking (kind of) Feel for you having to go through that though. Dunno how I'd handle it.
/r/Divorce_Men11/06/26 12:53 PM
3

I was going to ask OP what age she is? My ex changed into a different person when she hit her 40's. Bitter, resentful, blamed me for everything. Then bailed. I was no angel, but neither was she. We had stresses but nothing that doesn't affect every long term couple. No infidelity, abuse addiction. She even admitted that perimenopause was probably a factor. Looking back after learning the symptoms, it was like a classic case .
/r/Divorce_Men11/06/26 11:33 AM
2

It really is, well done OP. I could use a confidence booster like that
/r/Divorce_Men11/06/26 11:09 AM
2

Tell the couple the chances of them being together in the long term are virtually zero, then laugh in their faces.
/r/Divorce_Men11/06/26 11:03 AM
2

Vows and commitment don't mean anything to some people. She ended our marriage took our daughters home away, and broke up our family like it was just some high school romance. It's fucked me up a bit tbh. Not sure how I will ever trust enough again to have another ltr. Right now it seems impossible.
/r/Divorce_Men09/06/26 03:51 PM
1

2 years in July since we separated.. Not in any way ready for another partner. My opinion of relationships and women in general is not in a good place. I don't trust them anymore. I hate feeling like this.
/r/Divorce_Men09/06/26 03:37 PM
1

I love her, but I also hate her for destroying our family and taking our daughters home away. I hate her for almost destroying me. I'd rather never set eyes on her again, but yeah i still love her. Real life is nothing like the movies.
/r/Divorce_Men09/06/26 12:03 PM
3

I was happy staying unmarried. But she needled me endlessly to tie the knot. To be honest I had doubts about her commitment, and her ability to cope with the tougher times, hence my reluctance to marry her. Should have trusted my gut. But I loved her and wanted to make her happy so I agreed to get married. Hey ho you live and learn.
/r/Divorce_Men09/06/26 11:47 AM
7

Great advice. It really is as simple as the passing of time. I'm nearly 2 years out now, and I'm much much better, but still not fully there. 26 years with someone leaves a big scar.
/r/Divorce_Men09/06/26 11:32 AM
8

I can feel your pain, I was where you are two years ago. 13 years married, 26 together. We had everything- house by the seaside, beautiful daughter. very comfortably off. Then a couple of years of tough times, family deaths, covid, work stress and she just bailed. No cheating, abuse addiction, just hard times like literally everyone goes through at some point. I spent 6 months in the family home after she left and it almost broke me, no joke. My healing started after I moved out. Now two years o…
/r/Divorce_Men09/06/26 11:19 AM
2

That's fucking disgusting. Sorry you had to go through that. , but better off without a harlot like that in your life.
/r/Divorce_Men07/06/26 11:06 AM
8

My anger turned to resentment and a deep lack of respect after about a year separated. I'm two years out now, and luckily my daughter is 13, so unless we have an emergency there's no need to communicate at all. Ideally I never want to set eyes on her again. I would literally cross the road if I saw her on the street. The way she acted after she left was shameful. 13 years married, 26 years together and | have no idea who she is now. The change when she hit her 40's was insane. Perimenopause is r…
/r/Divorce_Men06/06/26 02:03 PM
5

You're not done. You have your daughter. She needs her dad. Everything else is a distant second to that now, especially your ex.
/r/Divorce_Men05/06/26 01:09 PM
1

Also laugh out loud funny for me in my cynicism.
/r/Divorce_Men05/06/26 12:26 PM
6

Early 50's too. I've given up for the moment. The whole thing is exhausting and generally a pain in the balls.
/r/Divorce_Men05/06/26 12:12 PM
1

This.
/r/Divorce_Men04/06/26 05:41 PM
7

In my case I knew her commitment was flaky af when I married her. An inherently selfish person, like her mother. She is number one, everyone else is second best by far. Should have trusted my gut at the time.. Vows didn't mean jack to her. All played out as I feared. Hey ho, my eyes are wide open now. It'll have to be an angel dropped from heaven just for me to get me into another ltr.
/r/Divorce_Men04/06/26 04:23 PM
25

They want to get married because their friends are getting married. They want to leave the marriage because their friends are leaving theirs. FOMO in both cases. Like teenagers.
/r/Divorce_Men04/06/26 04:04 PM
2

Yeah, like you I never want my daughter to think i chose moving somewhere easier to looking after her. Once she's left school, and moved into her own place for college etc that's when I'm gone from this shitty rental back to my own place. Only another 4 -5 years or so...
/r/Divorce_Men04/06/26 01:48 PM
2

What is it with these freaks thinking they can just rock up and cosplay daddy? As a father I really feel for you man. To be honest, its probably something I'm going to have to deal with when my ex finds some pathetic simp who'll put up with her shite.
/r/Divorce_Men04/06/26 12:08 PM
2

You made the right decision. You don't get these years back
/r/Divorce_Men03/06/26 11:55 PM
1

Better at what, wrecking families?
/r/Divorce_Men03/06/26 11:41 AM
2

Yeah Im still going through it nearly 2 years into separation, nowhere near as bad mentally as a year ago, but I still ain't right. Nowhere near ready for another relationship. My opinion of women is not in a good place. 26 years together, 13 married leaves a big scar.
/r/Divorce_Men03/06/26 11:23 AM
3

Yeah, highway to Hell
/r/Divorce_Men02/06/26 02:38 PM
1

' so that I don't tear myself up or hurt her in ways that could be prevented' Good luck with that, the process is very likely to be like nothing you've ever experienced. It will stretch your limits in ways you can't imagine. Not trying to be cynical, but this is the way for the vast majority of failed marriages. If you have kids, everything is ten times worse.
/r/Divorce_Men02/06/26 01:06 PM
2

Its a tough one. I'm separated nearly 2 years now. I own a house where I grew up and still have a lot of close friends, but I'm renting in the city my daughter is with my ex to be close to her and have her every other week. Objectively my life would be much easier if I moved back to my childhood home, but I would give up precious time with my daughter, she is 13 and the house is 250 miles from where i rent. I just can't do it, even though renting is costing an absolute fortune. I'd regret it lat…
/r/Divorce_Men02/06/26 12:26 PM
5

I'm nearly two years out from separation and I feel less desire to date than even a year ago. I just can't be bothered with the drama, gestures, the whole performative thing. I miss intimacy a lot, but my loneliness has turned into a sort of solitude. I have my daughter 50-50 and honestly she is the only female I have the bandwidth for right now. I know there is this urge to find someone new, but there is nothing wrong with being single after being with someone a very long time. I'm just going t…
/r/Divorce_Men02/06/26 10:55 AM
7

Yeah, my ex even grudgingly admitted perimenopause was probably a big factor in the split. The way she changed when she hit her forties was quite something to witness I have no idea who this person is any more. Together 26 years, married 13.
/r/Divorce_Men30/05/26 12:12 PM
14

Its terrifying. People willing others on to break up families.
/r/Divorce_Men30/05/26 12:08 PM
1

I get why you do it, I was like this in the early stages too. Time will give you clarity on who she really is.
/r/Divorce_Men29/05/26 02:28 PM
2

I can'think of anyone LESS I'd like to hang out with than the person that destroyed my life and took my daughters family and home away.
/r/Divorce_Men29/05/26 12:25 PM
26

'love but not in love' 'fell out of love' Fucking Hollywood bullshit. As if successful long term marriages have both partners 'in love' with each other 24/7. She got bored/can't handle real life/lacks commitment/found someone else.
/r/Divorce_Men28/05/26 12:02 PM
3

Anger, grief, resentment, borderline hate, anxiety, sadness....round and round and round. Took me about a year to start feeling semi-normal again. Good luck, this too will pass.
/r/Divorce_Men27/05/26 01:14 PM
1

If you look at marriage and the way divorce works objectively, the whole thing is absolutely unhinged. The risks people take to find a partner that can then ruin their life is insane.
/r/Divorce_Men27/05/26 01:06 PM
5

Genuine lol!. As someone who was married 13 years, together 26 years, then discarded like rubbish thrown out of a car, that is a very wise move. Don't get married again.
/r/Divorce_Men27/05/26 12:55 PM
2

Yeah, thems the breaks. I'm hardly alone judging from this sub!
/r/Divorce_Men26/05/26 05:04 PM
3

This sub in general has helped me immensely. Its a comfort to speak to men going through a very similar thing. Helped more than therapy tbh.
/r/Divorce_Men26/05/26 04:21 PM
2

Haha, yep, Two of my close friends have marriages that are definitely in trouble. I was round having dinner with one of them and the body language of his wife towards him was so like my ex in the last days of our marriage it was surreal. He is miserable af.
/r/Divorce_Men26/05/26 04:15 PM
2

Yeah, they have a knack of doing that. Sugar and spice and all things nice...
/r/Divorce_Men26/05/26 04:04 PM
2

Yeah. my ex started going mental at about 41, she bailed at 43. Even she said perimenopause was probably a big factor. The change in her was like Jekyll & Hyde, almost literally. Together 26 years, 13 married
/r/Divorce_Men26/05/26 03:06 PM
0

He's doing just fine. Hardly sounds like he is on his knees begging her back
/r/Divorce_Men26/05/26 02:30 PM
1

Hahahahahaha. My ex used to blame me for bad weather, so anything is possible. GTFO
/r/Divorce_Men26/05/26 02:26 PM
3

Bingo!
/r/Divorce_Men26/05/26 12:27 PM
3

'I just know I never want to go through this or anything like it again. And the statistics are against me. ' This. A thousand times this. The whole thing royally fucked me up. Never ever again.
/r/Divorce_Men26/05/26 12:22 PM
3

No you don't. 2 years on from separation, and I feel less inclined to date as more time passes. My opinion of relationships is in a very poor place right now.
/r/Divorce_Men26/05/26 12:11 PM
13

You're the villain. Therefore all the time you spent together was awful. Its complete bullshit, but this is how it works for so many of us. A tale as old as time.
/r/Divorce_Men26/05/26 11:25 AM
3

I'm in my 50's and certainly don't want someone in their 50's. I've already dealt with a woman going thorugh perimenopause. In fact, by her own admission it was a big factor in her destroying our family. Why tf would I want someone going through menopause after that? Not a fucking chance. I'd much, much rather be single.
/r/Divorce_Men24/05/26 02:23 PM
1

You are me.
/r/Divorce_Men24/05/26 02:21 PM
1

You are me.
/r/Divorce_Men24/05/26 02:20 PM
5

I'm like this. Nearly 2 years separated after 26 years with my ex. Have my daughter every other week and I have a purpose. The rest of the time, I'm like wtf? Who I am now.? I loved being a husband, a full time dad, the whole famlly life thing. We built so much together and got to a point of being really comforably off. Then she just bailed and destroyed everything we had. Now I'm in a shabby rental to stay close to my daughter. I still find it hard to bellieve this is my life now. I go out with…
/r/Divorce_Men24/05/26 12:08 PM
2

Usually makes you feel worse than before.
/r/Divorce_Men23/05/26 08:39 PM
9

Problem with having kids when your marriage fails, is that you're always chained to someone you never want to interact with again. I'm totally over my ex, and wouldn't give her the time of day. Went from missing her, to anger to resentment to losing all respect for her. Much better like that than pining for her.
/r/Divorce_Men23/05/26 03:51 PM
1

I totally get that. Stay strong. Your boy needs you now more than ever.
/r/Divorce_Men23/05/26 03:38 PM
5

So similar to me. Never gave me a compliment, the few times she said something positive about me stick in my mind becuase they were so few and far between. Now my self-esteen and self confidence aren't in the best place. I'm the same as you, I don't want to date, but I really miss intimacy and just having a female around. It's a fucking conundrum. I'm pissed off with myself for feeling like this after nearly two years since we separated. I know I'm going to have to push myself and get out there.…
/r/Divorce_Men23/05/26 01:03 PM
1

Good luck man. I'm sure the same thing is on the way for me at some point. Don't know how I'll cope with it tbh
/r/Divorce_Men23/05/26 12:35 PM
2

'The one thing I am struggling with is the new BF. It's not their relationship that bothers me, but the one he is trying to form with my son.' Fucking weirdos roleplaying daddy. Just fuck the fuck off.
/r/Divorce_Men22/05/26 01:40 PM
2

Who said romance was dead?
/r/Divorce_Men22/05/26 11:39 AM
3

If you listen really hard, you can hear the faint tolling of wedding bells!
/r/Divorce_Men21/05/26 05:55 PM
4

Haha, aye I get grilled constantly if I know their names! I ain't got a clue. She keeps buying more and more prints on Ali Express...
/r/Divorce_Men21/05/26 04:34 PM
5

Let him have free reign to do whatever he wants. Did this with my daughter and the whole room is now completely pink and plastered with Anime/Cookie Run Kingdom/Cutecore characters. Her feminist mother would be horrified. Makes me laugh!
/r/Divorce_Men21/05/26 04:06 PM
3

I do stuff for me and my daughter only. Everyone else including (especially) any prospective dates can go hang. Don't like what I do? Bye bye! One thing I've learnt from splitting from my ex, is I will not pander to any woman's judgements. I couldn't gaf what they think now.
/r/Divorce_Men20/05/26 03:14 PM
9

You'll end up feeling depressed and hollowed out after the deal is done.
/r/Divorce_Men20/05/26 12:42 PM
2

Not really the place for jokes though is it? Learn to read the room.
/r/Divorce_Men17/05/26 11:34 AM
4

Me too, never will I remarry. I was with my ex for 26 years, 13 married. And then a few rough years with external stresses, that literally every marriage goes through: Family deaths, work stress, Covid...etc and she blamed me for everything and just bailed. I was certainly no angel, but not even a modicum of effort to work on things. The first 20 years of our relatiionship were really good. Then she changed into someone I didn't recognise. She even admits perimenopause may have been a factor. It…
/r/Divorce_Men16/05/26 11:52 AM
8

You come across as insufferably annoying. A little introspection and self-reflection would do you good.
/r/Divorce_Men15/05/26 01:34 PM
7

I was like this for a good while when she first left. Bawling like a wee baby.
/r/Divorce_Men15/05/26 01:15 PM
6

'On paper, life is stable. Good career. Involved father. Financially okay. Functional. But internally it often feels like I’m dragging around grief, exhaustion, loneliness, and identity loss all at once.' I'm nearly 2 years separated and this is almost exactly my position and how i feel. Never would have thought that this heartbreak would endure for so long. The week I don't have my daughter is a gruelling endurance exercise. I'm also not ready in any way for another partner. And I miss female i…
/r/Divorce_Men14/05/26 01:56 PM
6

I see he's also met my ex's best friend.
/r/Divorce_Men14/05/26 12:45 PM
6

Very similar situation. Her best friend is a single mum who has never been able to hold down an LTR. A whole bunch of her other friends split during/after Covid. That and perimenopause were major factors in my split. She even admitted that peri was probably a factor.
/r/Divorce_Men14/05/26 11:48 AM
17

They do it becuase all their friends are doing it. Then they leave you because their friends are leaving their husbands. FOMO.
/r/Divorce_Men14/05/26 10:51 AM
5

'I think what hurts most is that I believed marriage meant surviving change together. I accepted hard seasons, emotional instability, and sacrifice as part of loving someone long term.' This is the part that I struggle with most. 26 years together, 13 married. Things got tough: family deaths, wfh stress... Just the usual things everyone goes through at some point and she just bailed. No infidelity, abuse addiction. Just ...gone. Destroyed my life, upended my daughters life and then I hear she wa…
/r/Divorce_Men13/05/26 12:04 PM
3

The delusion of their complete lack of accountability is far too strong for this to ever happen
/r/Divorce_Men13/05/26 11:27 AM
8

You go girl! Lmfao.
/r/Divorce_Men13/05/26 11:16 AM
1

Personally I would put things on hold for the time being. I voluntary took a temporary demotion as I couldn't cope with managing groups of people. I probably would've lost my job if i hadn't. This shit messes you up big time and for a fairly long time too. Go easy on yourself.
/r/Divorce_Men12/05/26 04:16 PM
4

Forcing you down the road of marriage and babies...? Run away from that giant red flag.
/r/Divorce_Men12/05/26 03:27 PM
1

Exactly. To be honest, I can't understand men who get married again. Its seems crazy to risk going through this utter hell again
/r/Divorce_Men12/05/26 12:52 PM
2

This.
/r/Divorce_Men11/05/26 10:53 AM
6

It's almost funny, the similarities between our stories on here. Mine upped and left after 26 years together, 13 married. The usual finding myself , I'm not happy, resentful behaviour... blah blah blah. We'd had some tough times with family deaths after Covid, but nothing I considered to be marriage breaking. She became more distant, colder. I just kept my head down. I was in denial, we'd built a great life on paper, multiple properties, comfortably off, beautiful daughter, financial security. I…
/r/Divorce_Men11/05/26 10:45 AM
5

I know exactly how you feel. It ruined my self-esteem and confidence. The idea of another proper relationship just seems absolute fantasy at the moment. I just don't have it in me now. I'm like a completely different person, I don't even know who I am now.
/r/Divorce_Men10/05/26 11:36 AM
13

Coparenting with someone you loved and expected to spend your life together, who then destroyed your family and your life is a singularly awful experience. It's bad enough losing that person, but been literally forced to remain in contact is just fucking too much tbh at times. Watching my daughter become sad and withdrawn,, with no real home anymore. The struggle to remain posiitve is very real at times.
/r/Divorce_Men10/05/26 11:33 AM
9

It's like they all have the same playbook.
/r/Divorce_Men08/05/26 01:02 PM
2

I know man, something is broken in me too. I don't understand how they can just cease to care anymore. Its seems impossible to me. It does get better, I've gone from missing her constantly to anger and resentment at what she did to our family, especially our daughter. I've lost all respect for her tbh. Rather be angry than pining for her though. Give yourself some grace and dont be afraid to grieve properly. Its the toughest thing Ive ever been thorugh by a big margin.
/r/Divorce_Men07/05/26 07:14 PM
6

Tale as old as time. The only thing that will really help is time, and lots of it. I'm almost 2 years out when my wife of 13 years(26 together) just up and left and destroyed everything I had. The first year was a living hell, not gonna lie to you. The second was gradual recovery, completely non linear. Even now I'm still not right. I will never, ever commit fully to another woman again. I don't trust them full stop. They're like teenagers and once they get bored with routine and familiarity the…
/r/Divorce_Men07/05/26 03:54 PM
2

Yup, thats why I don't plan to ever fall in love again. I ain't going through this again for anybody
/r/Divorce_Men02/05/26 05:35 PM
3

22 months out from 13 years married (26 years together) Today was particularly bad for some reason. Hate this fucking shit.
/r/Divorce_Men02/05/26 05:16 PM
6

I really think it is for men, much more than women at least. My ex used to drive me crazy and there were many many times when I just couldn't be fucked with her bullshit. The idea I was constantly 'in love' with her is laughable, But I would never have left her and destroyed our family, unless there was abuse, addiction or infidelity.
/r/Divorce_Men01/05/26 02:24 PM
2

Sounds ideal. If an angel drops out of heaven just for me. I'm all in. Otherwise, like you say, fuck chasing.
/r/Divorce_Men01/05/26 02:21 PM
11

The whole 'love, but not in love' thing really grinds my gears. As if you spend your whole life feeling in love with a long term partner. It's lala land Hollywood bullshit.
/r/Divorce_Men01/05/26 02:02 PM
1

I just can't be fucked with the whole chasing and dating charade. Maybe I'll change but I'm, getting less inclined since my split, and more comfortable on my own. My daughter is the only important female in my life for the forseeable.
/r/Divorce_Men01/05/26 01:34 PM
9

When you're going through hell, keep going, It's all you can do.
/r/Divorce_Men01/05/26 12:58 PM
10

Yeah, the longer time passes (nearly 2 years separated) the more I'm less and less interested in any long term relationship. Its weird, I though I'd be desperate for a new partner by now. It's just so much hassle for something that is likely to fall apart in the future. Excuse my cynicism.
/r/Divorce_Men30/04/26 02:01 PM
1

This.
/r/Divorce_Men30/04/26 12:10 PM
4

Bingo. observe these comments closely OP.
/r/Divorce_Men29/04/26 04:42 PM
2

Heh. I will say this. I used to point and laugh at misogynistic men. I thought 'how could you be like that' Now I understand, but I'll do everything I can to resist these feelings.
/r/Divorce_Men29/04/26 11:48 AM
4

Yes I have anger now even nearly 2 years after we separated. In fact anger and resentment are my main emotions towards her. I don't like it, and its left me short tempered and impatient, but it beats pining for her.
/r/Divorce_Men29/04/26 11:41 AM
2

I feel similar. Women have lost their appeal. And I used to live for them. Loved everything about them. Now I'm struggling to keep misogynistic tendencies in check.
/r/Divorce_Men29/04/26 11:22 AM
7

Depressingly familiar. Mine thought I'd jump through hoops for her, because I tried everything to keep the family together initially after the split. Well the nice guy is gone, and replaced with someone who will take none of her shit anymore.
/r/Divorce_Men28/04/26 04:16 PM
19

The only reason they're doing it, is to try and make themselves feel better about what they've done. It not an act of friendship, it's pure selfishness. I ain't enabling that.
/r/Divorce_Men28/04/26 12:06 PM
21

Nearly 2 years separated, and my ex thought we could be friends, talk about movies, chit chat blah blah blah. Ehh you've destroyed our daughters family and wrecked my life. I never want to set eyes on you again. You are utterly dead to me now.
/r/Divorce_Men28/04/26 11:44 AM
5

I tried to keep things going for a year after she left. Mainly because she gave clear signs of possible reconciliation. Wewere meeting for coffee, and everytime I tried to talk about our marriage she just shut down and got angry. I tried and tried and it got me nowhere apart from prolonging my heartbreak. Then I just broke all contact apart from 100% kid related stuff. Seems like she realised she lost control of me and the messaging starts, I just ignore completely. I still miss her, but nothing…
/r/Divorce_Men28/04/26 10:45 AM
1

Yep, I've lost so much. I try not to think about it now. What's the point? What's done is done.
/r/Divorce_Men27/04/26 09:59 PM
10

Yes, 26 years together and boom, gone. No real reason either. No abuse, addiction, infidelity. A few tough years with family deaths, illness, work stress...stuff literally everyone goes through. We were very comfortably off, 3 properties, beaituful seaside house, motorbke workshop. All the good stuff Now I'm in a shabby rental to stay close to my daughter. The whole thing floored me tbh. Nearly two years out, and still not fully over it. I've gone from pining for her to borderline hate., for wha…
/r/Divorce_Men27/04/26 03:43 PM
5

Still possible at that age. My ex started to change when she hit 40, went from a loving, caring partner to a complete bitch who literally couldnt give a fuck about me or that fact she destroyed our daughters family. 43 when she bailed. I never want to set eyes on her again. I actually dread the day we bump inot each other ( we live fairly close to each other) If I see her first I'd cross the street. I don't recognise this person at all. Its fucking mental tbh.
/r/Divorce_Men25/04/26 05:46 PM
8

In my case peri-menopause. How old is she?
/r/Divorce_Men25/04/26 12:39 PM
1

There's a razor thin line between love and hate. I'm moving over to the dark side myself. I don't want her dead though!
/r/Divorce_Men23/04/26 05:00 PM
1

I'm non US based (Scotland) and this place has helped me greatly regardless btw!
/r/Divorce_Men23/04/26 04:52 PM
2

I'm in a similar position. 2 years this coming July since we separated (26 years together, 13 married) I feel the same, stuck, in limbo call it what you will. I am in no way ready for a new relationship, still trying to adapt to this new life, and tbh its grim compared to what I had. In a shabby rental flat to be near my daughter. I go out to the pub with my friends every other weekend. But the emptiness and sense of failure is always there in the pit of my stomach. I'm lonely as hell, but the i…
/r/Divorce_Men22/04/26 03:35 PM
4

Yeah, its a recipe for disaster. I see the change in my own kid, since my wife just bailed when life got a bit tougher than usual. My opinion of marriage, relationships and women in general is at rock bottom. I hate feeling like this.
/r/Divorce_Men22/04/26 12:22 PM
1

She's manipulating you. She wants to keep you close to make herself feel better about what she is doing. She wants to divorce youi? Show her what that means. No contact apart form kids only
/r/Divorce_Men22/04/26 11:06 AM
3

The lack of any empathy about completely destroying my life messed me up more than anything else. I couldn't get my head around it at all.
/r/Divorce_Men21/04/26 11:40 AM
3

If and its a huge if, he salvages the marriage, it will be a temporary respite. She'll do the same thing in a year or two guaranteed. Once the D word is out there, it's fucked.
/r/Divorce_Men21/04/26 11:22 AM
6

'I guess my main question is, am I wrong to be cold to her? She keeps acting like we should still be best friends' Why would you be any other way. She's destroyed your son's family and the only reason she wants to act like best friends is to make her feel better for what she's done. Blank her completely unless its solely related to your kid. Its the only way you'll get over this with your dignity intact.
/r/Divorce_Men21/04/26 11:14 AM
1

How old is your child?
/r/Divorce_Men20/04/26 11:23 AM
1

I gave up weed for the first year after we separated. Barely slept properly the entire time. Horrendous vivid dreams of my wife. Either fighting or reconciling. Fucked me up the following day. Gave up and want back to vaping small amounts. Sleep returned and dreams about her were minimal. Bet move I ever made. Getting proper sleep is crucial for the healing process.
/r/Divorce_Men20/04/26 11:22 AM
5

I spent first 6 months of our separation in our old family home until I could take it no more. It broke me too. Get out of there.
/r/Divorce_Men19/04/26 12:49 PM
1

Yeah same.. It was a huge commitment for me to get married. I was hesitant for ages becuase my gut was telling me not to. But she needled me endlessly and I caved becuase I really did love her. The vows meant nothing to her in the end. Nada. I'll never put myself in this position again. Its left me bitter, angry and I'm trying everything not to turn into a mysoginist.
/r/Divorce_Men18/04/26 11:51 AM
2

I've started to simplify things in my mind when it comes to reasons they just bail like that: They get sick of seeing you day in, day out. And/or they just get bored, the routine becomes tedious to them and you're the cause of all their problems.
/r/Divorce_Men18/04/26 11:44 AM
3

Me too! Separated 2 years this coming July, and this place helped me more than anything. An absolute godsend
/r/Divorce_Men17/04/26 03:49 PM
4

The more time that passes since my separation (20 months) and the more I see of the utter ball ache of relationships, the more I feel comfortable with a life alone. It's such a load of work, for what exactly? I spent 26 years with someone, 13 married, for her to just bail when things got tough. Not even exceptionally tough, just stuff every long term couple goes through.
/r/Divorce_Men17/04/26 02:42 PM
3

Honest opinion here. You have a whole bunch of red flags in the honeymoon stage of the relationship. I wouldn't marry her if you paid me. In fact I wouldn't marry anyone ever again. Statistically its much more likely to fail than the first one. Sorry for the cynicism!
/r/Divorce_Men17/04/26 01:14 PM
3

I'm past the missing stage. Currently in the resentment, anger and profound lack of respect phase for what she did to our family and our daughter. Rather this any day than pining for her like a broken dog.
/r/Divorce_Men17/04/26 01:05 PM
2

Thanks man. Solidarity to all the brothers finding a way through this trainwreck.
/r/Divorce_Men16/04/26 05:52 PM
4

It's madness. Divorce rates for 2nd marriages are around 70% iirc. I'm far too risk averse to go through this shit again. I look at LTR's in a completely different way now anyway.
/r/Divorce_Men16/04/26 04:35 PM
3

Yes, I stopped talking to family and friends about my separation. Their intentions are good, but unless people have gone through what we've gone through they have absolutely no idea what its like. Not a clue. I've had better more relevant advice from pople on here that are complete strangers. I wouldn't wish the trauma and stress of the destruction of your marriage and family on anyone. I remember hearing about people I knew going through divorce and thinking 'what a shame'. I had no idea how br…
/r/Divorce_Men16/04/26 04:21 PM
3

Yeah it eats away at you. Just have to let go completely.
/r/Divorce_Men16/04/26 01:43 PM
9

I was 26 years together 13 married, when she up and left when life got hard. No affairs, abuse, addiction. 2 years since she left this July. The first year I was broken. Give up trying to make sense of it. Once you let go of logically trying to figure it out, life gets easier. Also break all contact apart from the kids.Tell her nothing. She is dead to you now. Believe me going no contact will speed up the healing process. I tried for a year to keep a door open. Don't make my mistake. Also don't …
/r/Divorce_Men16/04/26 01:20 PM
4

Yeah, the idea of going through the hell of the end of a marriage is not something I can even consider. The risks outwiegh the benefits for me easily.,
/r/Divorce_Men10/04/26 10:33 AM
8

These are the questions I ask myself constantly. I was with my wife 26 years, 13 married. Things gor tough, like every couple has at some point. Death of parents, COVID, work stress... and she just walked away and destroyed our family. No cheating, abuse, addiction... My opinion of relationships and women in general is in the gutter. I've gone from loving this person unconditionally and respecting her like no other to resentment and no respect whatsoever. The idea of another LTR is laughable to …
/r/Divorce_Men10/04/26 09:57 AM
4

Get married again? When fail rates are around 70% for second marriages? Madness.
/r/Divorce_Men09/04/26 11:59 AM
2

She's trying to make herself feel better. Don't give her that.
/r/Divorce_Men07/04/26 04:53 PM
1

'She made a huge song and dance about wanting she and I to be friends, to share a bottle of prosecco in her new place' Laugh in her face and tell her to GTFO.
/r/Divorce_Men07/04/26 02:04 PM
5

Your kids come first in everything. Including their parents choosing to stay alive. Believe me, in my darkest time when my wife destroyed everything I have, I thought about it. A lot. In a warped way it gave me comfort knowing there was an exit from this hell. But you can't. You'll wreck your kids life.
/r/Divorce_Men05/04/26 12:53 PM
1

I've found that the only people who have any idea how brutal the end of a marriage can be is those who have been through it. No on else has a clue. I certainly didn't when friends or family got divorced/separated. Now I know. Your whole life is turned upside down, ten times more if you have kids.
/r/Divorce_Men03/04/26 03:24 PM
2

I'm two years separated this July. The truth? You don't get used to saying goodbye to your kid every other week (I have 50/50) It's brutal every time. It's easily the worst thing about this whole fucking debacle. I'll never forgive my wife for taking half the time with my child away. Took away her home, her family, her security. I could never, ever have done that.
/r/Divorce_Men31/03/26 11:09 AM
4

No kids? Erase her from your life forvever. Kids? - Only repsond to things directly related to them and notihng else.
/r/Divorce_Men29/03/26 01:34 PM
5

Pretty much word for word the same. Luckily my kid is 13 in April so don't have to see her unless we have some kind of emergency. The lack of accountability is something you see so much on here. This whole shitshow has actually put me off women in a pretty fundamental way. I do not want to feel this way. I would never have thought of myself as that kind of person.
/r/Divorce_Men26/03/26 12:21 PM
8

The best thing you can do is cut her out of your life completely. If you don't have kids, lucky you. Don't let her live rent free in your head. Easier said than done I know. I'm well over a year out since my ex destroyed our family for things every long term couple will go through. I still miss her but my predominant emotions now are anger, resentment, and a profound lack of respect for someone I used to respect more than any other. I never want to set eyes on her again. Unfortunately we have a …
/r/Divorce_Men26/03/26 11:56 AM
3

As a father, I can't even imagine how you must feel losing your daughter. The end of a relationship is one thing, but that is something else entirely. I wish you all the best brother.
/r/Divorce_Men25/03/26 02:52 PM
8

Yes, been there done that. Little Miss Perfect and her evil twin back home.
/r/Divorce_Men24/03/26 05:09 PM
1

This place helped me more than the therapist I saw. You pay someone to listen to you and vent your spleen. The want you to come back and pay them for more sessions. So they validate your feelings and send you on your way, making an appointment for another session on the way out. I actually think therapy can be counter productive. It can enable bad behaviour, because they'll tell you all your feelings are valid, and you should act out of complete selfishness because you matter so much. Forget you…
/r/Divorce_Men23/03/26 01:38 PM
2

And she walked away destroying your family. So you made mistakes, who doesn't? Does she feel remorse and guilt for her actions? I doubt it. Women in general are just not wired like that. For context, me ex blamed me for absolutely everything leading up to and at the beginning of our separation. Like most mem, I swallowed it all and wrung my hands with remorse and guilt. I really believed the break up wass entirely my fault. For almost a year, I was in a very dark place. And it almost broke me tb…
/r/Divorce_Men23/03/26 01:28 PM
6

You hit the nail on the head bro. Why would I get into another LTR when it'll probably end 2-5-10 years from now? I'm fucked if I'm going thorugh this harrowing bullshit more than once in my lifetime.
/r/Divorce_Men23/03/26 01:08 PM
1

A wise move, young man!
/r/Divorce_Men21/03/26 11:57 AM
3

Yep, same old story over and over again. No one warns you when you get married that the change in middle age would be so huge.
/r/Divorce_Men20/03/26 02:53 PM
13

I feel your pain brother. I was also 26 years together, 13 married. Over half my life with her too. She changed so much when she hit her 40's. Like night and day. Bitter, resentful and hostile. Then she just bailed. Its been well over a year for me and I'm still not all right. Much much better but when you are with someone that long, the feelings don't just go away. Even she admits now that perimenopause was very likely a major factor. How old was your wife? Anyway the damage is done now. I went…
/r/Divorce_Men20/03/26 02:12 PM
2

That's all I wanted. A chance to try. 26 years together, 13 married. No infidelity, abuse addiction. Tough times happened: family deaths, work stress, usual things every long term relationship goes through, and she just bailed. Thinig is I knew when I married her she lacked commitment. Used to ask myself would she be there if I got dementia like my mum was for my dad. Answer was always no. But she needled me endlessly to marry and I loved her so went through with it. Should've trusted my gut. He…
/r/Divorce_Men20/03/26 01:30 PM
2

I doubt it. The woman would be like 'you're so selfish putting yourself first' and walk out the door.
/r/Divorce_Men19/03/26 06:25 PM
7

A man will sacrifice his happiness for his family, a woman will sacrifice her family for her happiness.
/r/Divorce_Men19/03/26 06:14 PM
9

'I need to find myself' 'Live, laugh, love.' LMFAO.
/r/Divorce_Men19/03/26 02:49 PM
9

My wife was all that until she hit middle age, perimenopause blah blah blah and became a total monster. Don't get married is exactly the right advice.
/r/Divorce_Men19/03/26 02:45 PM
18

The week I don't have my daughter is gruelling. I wfh so can go literally 5-6 days without speaking to anyone. I rent a shabby flat with bad plumbing that is costing me a small fortune in a very hcol city, just to be close to my daughter. My previous family life : big house near the beach, garden, summer house, workshop for my old dirt bikes and classic cars. all gone. It is traumatic to even think about my old life, but I find myself doing it all the time. I'm bitter angry and short tempered al…
/r/Divorce_Men19/03/26 02:34 PM
2

So true.
/r/Divorce_Men18/03/26 11:41 PM
15

You can do everything right. Marry the wrong woman, and your life is then fucked. Guess how I know.
/r/Divorce_Men18/03/26 05:33 PM
7

It's such a difficult situation. I certainly don't want to be alone. I love female company, but since my marriage failed, I'm hyper aware of how commitment doesn't mean much to a lot of people. I'm also fully dedicated to being the best dad I can be. I have my kid 50/50 so every other weekend is non negotiable. If there is ever another relationship, they are going to be second best to my daughter. Can't really believe this is my position now, and it seems so many others on here too.
/r/Divorce_Men18/03/26 03:57 PM
9

This is the problem, Once bitten, twice shy.
/r/Divorce_Men18/03/26 01:40 PM
4

I used to look at misogynistic men and think, how do you end up like that? Now I know. I'm trying everything as well not to fall into that trap, but aye, its a struggle.
/r/Divorce_Men18/03/26 12:43 PM
12

I feel the same. My view on women and relationships in general is in the gutter. And I hate feeling like this. I don't trust them. Things could be going fine one minute and then life throws something at you out of everyone's control and they just fuck off leaving a trail of destruction in their wake. Never will I commit to someone again.
/r/Divorce_Men18/03/26 12:35 PM
2

Lmao. The playbook is in tatters from overuse.
/r/Divorce_Men18/03/26 12:29 PM
3

I went no contact aside from 100% kids stuff in late summer last year. Daughter is 13 in April, so we really don't need to interact very much. She has a smartwatch so we can get in touch directly without contacting each other. Daughter is not happy with shuttling between two houses, now, neither a home. I don't blame her in the least. I haven't laid eyes on my wife since July last year. I would gladly never see her again. If I saw her on the street I'd cross the road.
/r/Divorce_Men17/03/26 06:56 PM
4

Totally. It'll never happen though. I miss my family and family life so much. Living in some shabby rental with bad plumbing to be close to my daughter. Not so long ago I was in a beautiful house, with a garden, summerhouse, workshop for my motorbikes. All gone. My life is a fucking nightmare now. I hate it.
/r/Divorce_Men17/03/26 12:55 PM
8

They'll tell themselves anything to make themselves feel better. Been separated 19 months now, and my daughter (13 next month) is not ok, but my wife would rather ignore it than face reality, so she can 'find herself' yada yada yada. I have absolutely no respect for this person anymore.
/r/Divorce_Men17/03/26 12:34 PM
12

What kind of women is fine with not seeing her child? You are better off far away from this utterly selfish person.
/r/Divorce_Men14/03/26 01:48 PM
8

'She owns the house (paid off) ' You both own the house if you're married.
/r/Divorce_Men13/03/26 04:11 PM
3

Exactly. It heart breaking because I would really love my family back together, but that ship has sailed...
/r/Divorce_Men13/03/26 04:09 PM
1

It's heart breaking. My daughter use to draw pictures of us all together with 'My two favourite people' underneath. Even now 19 months after separation she still has hope. She loved being a family, as did I. I fucking hate my wife for her utter selfishness.
/r/Divorce_Men13/03/26 02:20 PM
1

Usual bullshit then.
/r/Divorce_Men13/03/26 02:14 PM
3

My wife wanted a separation. She got it. If she ever wanted back, I'm almost certain it would happen again in the future. I ain't going through this shit again. Ever. So it's over.
/r/Divorce_Men13/03/26 01:55 PM
5

Sad, but true, in my own experience at least.
/r/Divorce_Men12/03/26 05:48 PM
11

That is terrifying. What kind of person divulges that? JFC.
/r/Divorce_Men12/03/26 04:56 PM
7

One thing I've learnt from the end of my marriage is there is no point trying to work out why they did what they did. They work on nothing but emotion, selfishness and impulse, there is no logic to it, and its a waste of time trying to figure it out. I will never put myself in a position where I fully commit and trust any women ever again. It's a fool's errand.
/r/Divorce_Men12/03/26 02:06 PM
5

I know how you feel. My daughter is 13 in April and she hates the shuttling between two houses. Neither of them a home anymore. She is angry, defiant and sarcastic to me a lot. Obviously some of this is age related, but I can see how this is affecting her, and I'm appalled and disgusted that my wife would destroy our family for pure selfishness and leave our daughter in this situation.
/r/Divorce_Men12/03/26 01:44 PM
2

A similar story to me in many ways. Separated since July '24, though there was no cheating involved. It still plays on my mind a lot, I'm sick of how much tbh. We had a series of rough years, with family deaths on both sides, work stress, and she just bailed. I always had doubts about her commitment if things got tough and my worries proved right. She also had lots of single mother friends, I'm pretty sure this was a factor as well. But like you I'm wondering about the lack of closure. The D wor…
/r/Divorce_Men12/03/26 12:42 PM
3

Bravo to your sister!
/r/Divorce_Men11/03/26 04:37 PM
4

This seems to be more common than not. They cannot bear to take any accountability, doing that would accept some responsibility for the end of the marriage. And that must not be allowed to happen. So sick of all this crap. So so tired of it.
/r/Divorce_Men11/03/26 03:30 PM
12

Women are experts at rewriting your relationship history so it was all bad and you are the main villain in their story. Just ignore and ffs stop looking a her social media.. It's all bullshit to 'impress' their friends.
/r/Divorce_Men11/03/26 03:00 PM
1

The more I hear, and the more I live through the end of a marriage, the more I think women really aren't worth the heartbreak, stress and hassle. What do they offer really?
/r/Divorce_Men11/03/26 02:53 PM
1

Makes perfect sense, and I'm in a similar frame of mind. I don't think I'll ever trust another woman fully again, after my ex destroyed our family . My opinion of women and relationships isn't in a good place right now, and I really hope that changes with more time.
/r/Divorce_Men10/03/26 05:18 PM
2

Its the routine that's grinding me down. Week with the kid - feel great. Without - just a monotonous grind. Starting gaming as well. Fills the void on my week off childcare. Can't be arsed with woman at all atm, but it's nice to get some attention when I go out drinking with my buddies on my weekend off. I'm suspicious af of them all now though lol
/r/Divorce_Men10/03/26 04:15 PM
2

You're wearing a suit of armour since you've been through divorce. They're all petty bullshit adolescent things compared to the hell that you've been through and they don't bother you now. I feel the same.
/r/Divorce_Men10/03/26 04:00 PM
2

Tough times. I've also done 'questionable' things after we separated. Don't let it get you down. Who gaf really?
/r/Divorce_Men10/03/26 03:45 PM
2

Very similar here. It'll be 2 years in July that we'll be separated, married 13 years, together 26. My self esteem and confidence is really low nowadays. I'm just a different person. My sleeping is back to being ok in general, and I live for the week I have my daughter. But I just feel empty and a bit lost now. I miss my old family life acutely, as much as ever tbh. The idea of another relationship is fantasy at the moment. I'm lonely but can't even imagine having another partner. Really hope th…
/r/Divorce_Men10/03/26 12:45 PM
1

Good luck to him. In an ideal world, I would love my family back together.
/r/Divorce_Men06/03/26 08:02 PM
1

Last I heard he was back with his wife!
/r/Divorce_Men06/03/26 03:45 PM
3

Yeah, my ex had put on a load of weight, last time I saw her in July last year. Hope it's still piling on.
/r/Divorce_Men06/03/26 02:09 PM
3

I was thinking this exact thing, as I lay awake last night.
/r/Divorce_Men06/03/26 02:08 PM
6

'My feelings towards her are of contempt, anger, and resentment.' My feelings exactly. Also a profound lack of respect for the way she destroyed our daughters family. Took away her home. Destroyed our future together as a family. All for something that every couple goes through at some point. She can go to hell.
/r/Divorce_Men05/03/26 05:55 PM
2

Same. I hate it. This is no way to live.
/r/Divorce_Men05/03/26 01:40 PM
2

More like the poison in the cake for a lot of relationships!
/r/Divorce_Men05/03/26 01:30 PM
6

Yes, the idea I'll ever get married again is utterly laughable to me. Good luck to the men that do, but I think its crazy to risk going through this trainwreck again. Especially when divorce rates are around 70% for 2nd marriages iirc. Even a long term relationship is unreal to me at this point in time. I'm hoping this will change as I'm lonely and miss intimacy a lot, but my opinion of women is not in a good place at the moment, and I hate feeling that way.
/r/Divorce_Men05/03/26 01:15 PM
4

It's frightening the similar stories we have on here. But this sub reddit has got me through some dark times, better than any therapist was able to do. I feel for you with the kids that she's turned against you, but I'd bet my bottom dollar they will come round sooner or later. The whole shitshow plays on my mind a lot even after all this time. I would never in my wildest dreams treat her like she treated me and I think its going to be a long time before I ever get in another relationship. Good …
/r/Divorce_Men05/03/26 01:01 PM
9

Similar for me , and similar timescale. 26 years together, 13 married. No cheating but she tried to force me out of our house when i had no where to go. Treated me with utter contempt throughout the whole process. Fine for her as she moved rent free to a flat her mum owns. Took our daughter with no dialogue or negotiation at all. 20 months in and I'm still messed up how she acted and the way she destroyed our family for things nearly every couple goes through at some point. Last saw her in July,…
/r/Divorce_Men05/03/26 12:29 PM
3

Sounds eerily like my ex wife tbh. And this is why my opinion of women and relationships in general is in the gutter. What is the point of commitment and loyalty? So fucking depressing
/r/Divorce_Men04/03/26 03:46 PM
1

Yep, its taught me never to fully put my trust in a women again.
/r/Divorce_Men03/03/26 05:47 PM
13

'The way she has talked to me, treated to me and blown up our family has literally rewired my brain.' I know exactly what you mean. Once I had time to consider, its amazing how I went from missing her to resenting her for destroying our family. I just feel a serious lack of respect for her now, and she used to be someone I respected the most in the world. I wish I never had to interact with her again but kids keep you chained together.
/r/Divorce_Men01/03/26 07:40 PM
1

Yep, the novelty of sleeping around will soon wear off, and then you have no family unit to fall back on.
/r/Divorce_Men27/02/26 02:49 PM
1

Good for you. I would love to get the closure you have.
/r/Divorce_Men27/02/26 02:33 PM
5

Personally, I can understand his state of mind. I'm separated after 26 years together, 13 married. Divorce is almost inevitable. There is no way on earth I will ever remarry again. The risks, mentally, financially and emotionally are just too great. Also statistically, fail rates for second marriages are around 70% iirc. I totally understand the urge to replace your spouse .. The loneliness is real, but I can't even imagine going through this hell again, after a second failed marriage.
/r/Divorce_Men26/02/26 05:47 PM
1

Don't see a lot of love from God in the times we live in.
/r/Divorce_Men26/02/26 03:30 PM
1

Why even post this AI drivel? What is the point really?
/r/Divorce_Men26/02/26 02:00 PM
1

I had these SI thoughts too. I was a complete wreck for the first year. I didn't sleep for more than two hours at a time and then only dozing. I was nodding off constantly wfh, I could barely function. I had to step down from my management role. You have to believe things will get better. Things can change. This sub really helped me, knowing others are going through the same thing. It's a tale as old as time. I'm not one for platitudes though, but in this case 'what doesn't kill you makes you st…
/r/Divorce_Men25/02/26 05:25 PM
6

I've been there, at least with moving to a different place after we separated, although no infidelity on her part. Quite the shock going from a beautiful house with a garden, workshop, big kitchen, summerhouse.... to a shabby rental to be close to my daughter. Losing everything all at once is probably the hardest thing we'll ever do. I hope at least. Good luck. There are many of us out there.
/r/Divorce_Men25/02/26 04:17 PM
1

Would you like to see my Compendium of red Flags? New issues every other week.
/r/Divorce_Men25/02/26 03:00 PM
3

Don't get married. Its a mug's game.
/r/Divorce_Men25/02/26 01:08 PM
7

If you get back together, she'll do the same thing all over again.
/r/Divorce_Men25/02/26 12:59 PM
4

And this is a perfect example of what happens when the family is destroyed. I'm paying an absolute fortune to stay in a very hcol city just to be near my daughter. My quality of life is in the gutter because of the cost of rent. I keep the heating turned off in the week I don't have her, so I can afford it while she is here. Meanwhile my ex is bankrolled by her rich mother who I'm almost certain was instrumental in splitting us up. My opinion of marriage and women in general is not in a good pla…
/r/Divorce_Men25/02/26 12:35 PM
3

The rejection part resonates with me. I would love to find someone else , but I don't want to go through the ending of another long term relationship. I'm on high alert constantly now and wary of everything.
/r/Divorce_Men25/02/26 12:22 PM
2

No one warns you how middle age can change your wife. Honestly like two different people. Bitter, resentful aggressive. Crazy.
/r/Divorce_Men24/02/26 06:55 PM
4

My ex changed so much once she turned 40, she's 45 now. I genuinely do not recognise this person. No weight loss drugs or affairs before we split, but even she says perimenopause may have been a factor in her destroying the marriage
/r/Divorce_Men24/02/26 12:50 PM
5

Separated 19 months, together 26 years, married 13 years. Still a bit of a wreck, truth be told. We share a 12yr old daughter so proper disconnection is impossible, which makes this even harder. I still go through a variety of emotions from anger, resentment, missing her, loneliness and occasional hope for the future, but I'm pretty joyless overall. I miss my old life very much.
/r/Divorce_Men24/02/26 12:39 PM
7

Yes I'm heavy with grievance and resentment even after 18 months separated. My life is shit now, half the time with my daughter is unforgivable to me. Saying goodbye to her every other week is always fucking awful. I live in a shitty flat that costs me a fortune to be close to my kid. I am anxious angry and short temprered nearly all the time. I have an emptiness now that I can't shake. I'm so fucking lonely. My view on women and relationships is in the gutter. I hate feeling like that. 26 years…
/r/Divorce_Men23/02/26 01:07 PM
4

Yeah to the point where I'll probably never trust another women fully in my life again. They're just not worth the hassle and balllache to me now
/r/Divorce_Men19/02/26 06:45 PM
3

If you're talking about someone who is divorced/separated, the guy has probably got about 10 conflicting emotions at once. Such is life after marriage ends for many men.
/r/Divorce_Men19/02/26 06:18 PM
–

The problem I have with someone who has already initiated the divorce, is that its bound to happen again even if you patch things up for now. Once the D word has been used seriously, is there a going back to how it was? I have my doubts.
/r/Divorce_Men19/02/26 01:08 PM
2

If you have no kids, get rid of everything associated with her. Consign her to the dustbin of history. I wish to God I could.
/r/Divorce_Men19/02/26 12:54 PM
3

I see your comments. You have got to push through and try. You have no choice. I lost everything too: Wife, half my time with my daughter, house, hobbies were restoring old cars and dirt bikes - workshop gone with the house. Nearly half my income goes to rent to stay close to my kid. My life is shit, my heart is broken and I'm lonely as hell. But you have to try man. I make a point of going out with friends to the pub every other weekend. I've spoken to a few women, Put yourself out there. Stop …
/r/Divorce_Men17/02/26 03:41 PM
4

I was like this for a year after separation. Was always going to tell her how she broke my heart and destroyed our family over very little. No infidelity, abuse or addiction. Just tough times like every single long term relationship faces at some point. Now I'm more like 'what's the point?' It'll achieve nothing, and the answers you get aren't going to make you feel better. A lot of women take no accountability whatsoever and never will.
/r/Divorce_Men13/02/26 02:28 PM
2

That's the crucial point. It would probably happen again. The trust is gone.
/r/Divorce_Men13/02/26 02:12 PM
3

19 months separated. for the first year yes. Now no, had time to reflect on the way she treated me after we separated. Never want to lay eyes on her again. I'd cross the road if I saw her on the street. Wish I could never interact with her again, but we have a 12 year old.
/r/Divorce_Men13/02/26 02:10 PM
1

Yep 45 today actually. No tik tok, but perimenopuase and plenty separated/single friends dripping poison in the ear, along with her mothe I'm pretty certain. Her personality graduallly went through a shift change after she turned 40. Bitter, resenttful, hostile. I kept my head down to avoid conflict, and then withdrew. Night and day from the sweet thoughtful young woman I married. I was certainly no angel, but my commitment to my family was unshakeable. Everything started being my fault. A tale …
/r/Divorce_Men09/02/26 05:58 PM
3

I fee like this. Luckily our daughter 13 soon so we don't need to meet for chageovers etc. I havent seen my ex since July. I'm still really angry with the way she destroyed our family for things that a lot of couples resolve. There was no infidelity, abuse, addiction. Family bereavements and generel life stress and she just bailed. I've gone completely no contact apart from kids stuff only. Once I did that she tried to engage and I totally ignore. I'm dreading the next time we have to meet in pe…
/r/Divorce_Men07/02/26 01:25 PM
1

It's a real concern, and sometihng I didn't consider when the marriage was failing. I just can't see myself in a serious relationship for the forseeable.
/r/Divorce_Men01/02/26 04:52 PM
2

That was my plan wait unitl the kid 12F is 18 and then leave. But work on the marriage during that timescale. She had other ideas and bailed anyway. I'm bitterly angry that she has denied a 2 parent family to my daughter, without even an attempt at resolving things many many couples go through.
/r/Divorce_Men01/02/26 04:44 PM
7

Asks you for money.
/r/Divorce_Men01/02/26 04:29 PM
3

There is a word to describe everything nowadays, even if its totally meaningless. 'He's an anxious avoidant codependent narcissist so I had to leave' It's all fucking bullshit as far as I'm concerned. And yes we're totally screwed, nothing means anything now and commitment is gvien up on a whim.
/r/Divorce_Men01/02/26 02:26 PM
2

jfc.these words, its hard to think about doing this again, like really? another ltr? i don't wan't this to happen again, but I fuckin love women, they make life worth living. Tough times, yes ive been drinking
/r/Divorce_Men01/02/26 01:08 AM
2

For me too. Lived in hope for a long time that I'd get the same call. Logic is trumped with emotion for a lot of women, it seems. With us there was no infidelity. We had a run of about 3 years of family deaths, health issues and just general life stress. Every long term telationships goes thorugh the same and she just bailed. I'm pretty certain perimenopause palyyed a part and she even admitted it may have been a factor. I get the feeling that there is regret now with her, but will never admit i…
/r/Divorce_Men31/01/26 07:41 PM
3

Fun times brother. On the upside, this shit toughens you up mentally.
/r/Divorce_Men31/01/26 04:22 PM
3

Yeah same. I lost so much: wife, beautiful home, half my income now goes to renting a shabby flat, half the time with my daughter, even my hobbies of restoring old sports cars and drt bikes, gone because workshop was attached to the house. Like you though, most of all I miss my family life. Just being in the house all together even if we're all doing our own thing. I see my friends every other weekend I don't have my daughter, go to the pub etc, but theres a lot of alone time. Pretty much everyo…
/r/Divorce_Men31/01/26 01:54 PM
6

Why should there be any calls at all unless it is necessary? Your time is your time and her time is hers. Your child will need to get used to only having one parent at a time, because that is the norm now. Such is the harsh reality of divorce/separation. My ex kept trying to eat into my time, but I flat out ignore her requests/calls unless its strictly necessary.
/r/Divorce_Men26/01/26 01:22 PM
1

I really feel your pain man, this is the real tragedy of the breakup of the family. Your kids are likely to be living with some random your ex is now hooked up with. Not happenend to me yet, but my daughter has said if her mum starts living with someone else, she will live with me and vice versa. I'm not looking for anyone else seriously anyway, so would trake my kid full time over a relationship any day. What age are your kids? They will be able to choose who they live with at a certain point i…
/r/Divorce_Men05/01/26 04:09 PM
3

Don't make assumptions about sometihng you know nothing about. My daughter is 12, she doesn't need me to tell her who broke up the family. She was there. She knows already. When she asks when we are going to do things together as a family, like her mum promised, I tell her to ask her, becuase I never wanted this. I'm not going to bullshit and say this is a mutual decision, because it fucking isn't. My ex made promises to us both, we would still be a family, spend time together, stay over with ea…
/r/Divorce_Men05/01/26 03:37 PM
2

It's not selfish, it's the truth. There is no winners in this hell. One way or another the truth will come out. Better she hear it directly from a parent. Selfish is burning everything to the ground. Her mother know all about this.
/r/Divorce_Men05/01/26 12:40 PM
9

No I disagree. Why should you take the burden for her cheating? The kids will find out later anyway which is no better imo.
/r/Divorce_Men04/01/26 03:36 PM
13

We shouldn't. My 12 year old daughter knows exactly who broke up our family.
/r/Divorce_Men04/01/26 03:32 PM
2

That's incredible, why would she say these things to her own kid? I feel for you and everyone elsle going thorugh this, the person you used to love acting like a complete monster. I don't recognise my ex anymore, her personality changed so much in the few years running up to our split in 2024. Bitter, resentful, blaming me for literally everything. My mum died in 2020 during the height of Covid lockdown, so the family werent allow to visit with travel restrictions. I never got a chance to say go…
/r/Divorce_Men04/01/26 12:39 PM
16

I’ll never forget this day and never forgive her for putting her perceived happiness in front of my kids happiness. This.
/r/Divorce_Men03/01/26 07:17 PM
2

7 months is nothing. I only started to turn the corner after about a year. 26 years together/13 married. Even now I'm still not completely there, but well on the way. This shit takes it out of you, no joke,
/r/Divorce_Men03/01/26 06:50 PM
3

Great to hear people's experiences. Yeah kiddo comes first, but It's nice to see folk getting back out there after the hellscape that is the end of a marriage.
/r/Divorce_Men03/01/26 06:47 PM
2

Glad for you. Gives me hope!
/r/Divorce_Men03/01/26 06:44 PM
3

This is an issue for me too. Daughter says she will stay with me full time if mum gets a boyfriend, and vice versa. If anything did happen I would do the same as you, no stay overs while daughter isthere.
/r/Divorce_Men03/01/26 03:41 PM
2

Thank you for that, really good advice about laying it out at the start that my kid come first, and absolutley now way will I marry again after my divorce comes thorugh. I am thinking that realisitcally it would be someone with kids who understands the dynamics of single parenting.
/r/Divorce_Men03/01/26 01:55 PM
1

What a load of aboslute bullshit.
/r/Divorce_Men03/01/26 12:57 PM
2

Don't forgive her. Ignore her as much as possible with kids involved. She is dead to you now.
/r/Divorce_Men03/01/26 12:50 PM
4

So many pararells with my own experience. From everything was my fault to the indifference when my mum died. I think your marriage is done. Just to say perimenopause can mimic narcissism pretty well in my experience. Even my ex grudgingly admits it was likely a factor in our break up. How old is your wife?
/r/Divorce_Men02/01/26 02:03 PM
5

No kids? Blank her completely. If you have kids, only respond to things 100% kid related. It's tough not to respond, but it helped me turn the corner for my mental health. She is going to expect you to still be at her beck and call. Don't give her that, take the power back.
/r/Divorce_Men01/01/26 03:08 PM
3

A sweetheart to a monster.
/r/Divorce_Men01/01/26 03:25 AM
1

Hush now, you have no idea of mine or any other man's situation on this sub.
/r/Divorce_Men31/12/25 05:25 PM
2

Men are lambasted for leaving, women are celebrated. Its just the way of it still . I'm amazed how she's erased the last 26 years.
/r/Divorce_Men26/12/25 03:48 PM
3

I feel you bro. I'm over a year separated now, and the nagging sense of loss never seems to go away. I've healed in so many ways, but this hollowed out feeling I just carry all the time now. Thinking back to my life with my beautiful home, my wife and daughter, everyone secure at home at this time of year. All the holidays, home cooking, days out, movies together...I just have a profound sadness now. It hurts to think about them. My memories of 26 years together have been hijacked by the loss of…
/r/Divorce_Men26/12/25 02:02 PM
2

So sorry. Puts my problems into perspective. I can't imagine.
/r/Divorce_Men23/12/25 03:56 PM
4

This. Ill do it for my daughter, I have her this year. But the lead up just started me ruminating how good some of our famiily Christmas's were and how that has gone forever. Put the healing process back a little but it'll be over soon.
/r/Divorce_Men23/12/25 01:28 PM
3

You're not alone bro. I'm over a year out with my separation and those who haven't gone thorugh this have no idea how brutal it is. I've been feeling a bit low recently as well, missing my old home and life, but overall in a much better place than this time last year. I used to miss my ex so much , then it turned to anger, now I've lost all respect for someone who could destroy a family as she did. I much prefer feeling like this. We'll come out of this bulletproof and much more discerning about…
/r/Divorce_Men23/12/25 01:06 PM
1

Good on ya, we deserve any luck we can with the shite we're going through.
/r/Divorce_Men23/12/25 12:59 PM
1

Yes it is. But it will make you strong. Everyday things that used to bother you, you'll now shrug off. Petty shit means nothing now. You know what real hearbreak is, going from a full time parent to saying goodbye to your kid every other week is trauma and it puts all the other crap in perspective. All you can do is be there for your daughter 100%.
/r/Divorce_Men21/12/25 12:26 PM
2

Thank you for this. As a dad, it was good to hear it. Need some encouragemnt at this time of year.
/r/Divorce_Men21/12/25 12:19 PM
4

Its the hardest thing in the whole of my marriage break up. Seeing my daughter half the time until she grows up and leave home. It astonishes me that my ex was willing to give this up, when I can tell how traumatic it is for her too. Been over a year for me as well. One thing thats helped is how my opinion of my ex has changed. First 9 months and I would have walked over broken glass for her. Now time has given me clarity and I have lost respecvt for this person who destroyed our family and marr…
/r/Divorce_Men21/12/25 12:13 PM
4

'I dont know who she will now blame for her shit behavior.' Simple. She blames you for making her act like this. You made her like this. Now she doesnt have to take any accountability ever again
/r/Divorce_Men17/12/25 11:24 PM
11

So with you on the anger and disgust bit. I've totally lost respect for her for destroying our family . I'm disappointed in myself for believing her bullshit about reconciliation earlier in the separation. Luckily our daughter is 12 so no real reason to meet my ex. My kid walks between our two flats. I never want to lay eyes on her again, if I ever see her in the street Ill cross the road. For me I turned a major corner about 10 months in but still have a lingering feelng of emptiness. Best thin…
/r/Divorce_Men07/12/25 01:54 PM
–

I'm over a year separated, and feel a bit lonely on the weeks I dont have my daughter. When I have my kid, I'm 100% fine. I make a point of going out on my weekend off with friends for a few drinks. Got back into gaming a bit. I definitely miss intimacy and not a fan of sleeping alone. However the idea of trying to find a new partner and another long term relationship just isn't there. Due to the way my ex blew everything up, my perception of relationships and women in general is pretty negative…
/r/Divorce_Men06/12/25 01:28 PM
4

Vent away. And good riddance to bad rubbish. Hopefully she will realise what she's done one day.
/r/Divorce_Men05/12/25 01:48 PM
3

Losing time with your children is a harrowing traumatic experience. For me its easily the worst part of the end of my marriage. Saying goodbye to my daughter every other week guts me everytime. It feels unnatural and just plain wrong. You're in a place here on Reddit where we know how it feels. Those who havent gone thorugh it havent got a clue. Take care bro.
/r/Divorce_Men05/12/25 01:46 PM
4

Yep, nothing means anything anymore, and I hate fucking everything.
/r/Divorce_Men03/12/25 11:42 PM
7

Shake his hand? No fucking chance. I would have approached them and said to him quietly 'She'll almost certainly cheat on you eventually. Good luck'. Smile and walk away.
/r/Divorce_Men01/12/25 01:15 PM
14

This a million times. I'm angry that she didn't even make an effort to try for her family, Our issues were laughably small compared to a lot of people. Ive lost respect for her frankly.
/r/Divorce_Men30/11/25 07:31 PM
3

Hopefully that will come. For the moment I dont look at pictures or videos. Never thought the end of a marriage would be so traumatic.
/r/Divorce_Men30/11/25 07:27 PM
16

I find that I can't really think about the past with her now. What were once good memories are now sad memories. Its just hearbreaking
/r/Divorce_Men30/11/25 04:04 PM
1

It gets better, but it takes time, sometimes you'll go backwards, but time will heal.
/r/Divorce_Men29/11/25 06:44 PM
1

It takes fucking ages and its non linear. Separated about 16 months now. I was in great shape in the summer, sleeping well, looking and feeling good. Basically thought I was on the way. For some reason I've gone backwards again last few weeks. Not sure if its Christmas coming and the lack of daylight ( I'm in Scotland and winter here is pretty bleak) Find mysef ruminating and missing my old life a lot lately. Went 100% no contact with my ex apart from kids stuff and now she just keeps texting me…
/r/Divorce_Men29/11/25 01:19 PM
1

I agree at 16, but my daughter is 12. Cool thing is she wants to be with me at Christmas, so all good.
/r/Divorce_Men28/11/25 07:19 PM
3

Man I feel this so much. Anger has given way to disappointment forme too. Mine blew up a 26 year partnership. For what? Now we are all living in a fucking shit situation. Well done you. I never want to lay eyes on that woman again but i have to coparent with her. Fuck all this. Givr me back my family
/r/Divorce_Men28/11/25 12:45 AM
9

If she's not being heard she needs to speak.
/r/Divorce_Men26/11/25 12:03 AM
4

Yes, I never thought she had the selflessness or commitment for marriage if things got tough. I was right. I beat myself up everyday about it. She despearately wanted to marry, so I caved. Probably becuase all her friends were doing it. Now that all her friends are breaking up, she wants on that bandwagon too.
/r/Divorce_Men24/11/25 07:26 PM
5

'I feel like I'm living in a Black Mirror episode directed by David Lynch.' Thanks for the genuine lol on another shit day. My ex is 'negotiating' like some third world dictator trying to sort out holidays schedule with our kid. All I want is peace from this person. Behave reasonably and leave me the fuck alone. To all those people divorcing/separated without kids, you've won the lottery compared to this shite.
/r/Divorce_Men24/11/25 01:10 PM
1

Thank's bro, thats the plan. It would be too easy to escalate. I'll talk to my kid directly first.
/r/Divorce_Men23/11/25 07:06 PM
1

100%
/r/Divorce_Men23/11/25 02:11 PM
1

I agree and do accept things I can't control. In this case though, we had already agreed we would rotate the Christmas holidays and this is my year with the kid. My ex has decided to fuck this up simply because she can. There's no way I should accept this. I suspect its down to the fact I've ghosted her completely last 3 months, and only respond to messages about our daughter now. She led me along for about reconciliation until I said fuck this and grey rocked her. If she tries to engage I ignor…
/r/Divorce_Men23/11/25 02:10 PM
3

Exactly. The amazing thing is my ex agreed to this before. Then suddenly out of the blue, she's like 'nah fuck you I'm having her Christmas eve and Chrsitmas morning again this year, and I've already spoken to our daughter about it' She knows that if I put my foot down , I'll be the bad guy in the kids eyes. And if I don't I'll just keep getting walked over. It's been an ongoing battle to get the days I'm due with her and here we go again. I cannot stand this fuckiing woman. I used to love these…
/r/Divorce_Men23/11/25 01:50 PM
1

Sounds depressingly familiar. Good luck bro.
/r/Divorce_Men22/11/25 06:07 PM
2

Nope, ex is being as difficult as possible. Notihng is moving. The first nine months, reconciliaton was on the cards , until it wasn't. I had enough and went completely no contact aside from kid related stuff. This is pissing her off. I just want her gone from my life completely now, but impossible when you have children
/r/Divorce_Men22/11/25 05:20 PM
1

I should have said, we're not divorced yet.
/r/Divorce_Men22/11/25 05:10 PM
5

Not when my ex has already told her how its going to be without even consulting me about it. That's absolutely not how good co-parenting works. It's done deliberately. I know how she works.
/r/Divorce_Men22/11/25 05:03 PM
2

This is the issue right here. It's fucked both ways. The only thing I know is i will never get into another long term relationship again.
/r/Divorce_Men22/11/25 03:43 PM
1

Everryone starts out thinking they want to be friends, because they cant bear the thought of losing that person completely. Reality is with time your opinon of the person who left will change. I'm about 15 months into the end of a 25+ yr old relaltionship. You won't want to be friends with someone who gave up their family and wrecked your life. Friends don't do that.
/r/Divorce_Men21/11/25 09:09 PM
7

Well said, this 'love but not in love thing' is so symptomatic of todays society, people being driven half mad by social media chasing a fantasy life. Nothing means anything anymore. It's sad times tbh.
/r/Divorce_Men21/11/25 09:04 PM
2

Turn off Google moments photos or whatever its called. Don't look at old photos. Those days have gone.
/r/Divorce_Men15/11/25 04:11 PM
1

Haven't had sex since we separated, for months and months all I wanted to do was share a bed with my wife again. Now I don't think I even want to do that. Intimacy seems impossible to me at the moment.
/r/Divorce_Men15/11/25 11:13 AM
9

Yeah same. I look at women and relationships differently now. Never thought I'd be that person. 15 months into separation, 26 years together. Our family and marriage tossed away like a piece of trash. Everything we built together burnt down. Whats the point of commitment if it means nothing? The idea of building something back up again is just too mcuh to consider. My trust has gone.
/r/Divorce_Men15/11/25 02:15 AM
5

Perimenopause was almost certainly a big factor in my seperation after 26 years together. Once she got into her forties she became someone I didnt recognise. Bitter, resentful, lacking basic empathy. A completely different person to the one I married. I certainly wasnt perfect, and had plenty of my own family/work issues but she destroyed everything. No doubt we had things we needed to work on, but nothing that every couple doesn't go through at some point. I don't know this person anymore and n…
/r/Divorce_Men12/11/25 11:58 AM
16

'She confessed that she'd been cheating, blamed her unhappiness on me' Wow, I've never heard that one before.
/r/Divorce_Men10/11/25 07:54 PM
4

It's obviously not a universal truth but there is definitely truth to it. Maybe it's becuase women work mainly on emotions rather than logic, and to accept at least some blame for the destrucion of a marriage is an emotional bridge too far. Better to delude yourself and blame everything on the man.
/r/Divorce_Men10/11/25 07:51 PM
2

I love my ex. And I hate her. Life is so complicated
/r/Divorce_Men06/11/25 08:14 PM
2

A very large % of men on here were hoping to reconcile 2 weeks after the split. Sorry to say but it very rarely happens. My wife said she wanted me to stay over once she found a new place, have meals, movies, do stuff with our kid... None of this happened. Just don't get your hopes up like I did, you'll get your heartbroken twice more than likely. The best thing you can do now is go completely no contact. It's 100% up to the person who left to reach out for reconciliation. The more you try the m…
/r/Divorce_Men03/11/25 01:14 PM
4

I'm separated not divorced, but it amounts to much the same. It is the bleakest, loneliest, most conflicted time of my life. 10 different emotions in one day about my ex. Only seeing your kids half the time and saying goodbye to them every week is a horrible experience. Seeing the change in my daughter breaks my heart Losing my beautiful home and staying in a shabby rental costing me a fortune isn't much fun. The idea of starting again and finding someone else, when my trust and view of women in…
/r/Divorce_Men30/10/25 01:40 PM
13

I've found that even if you do have family and friends to lean on, there is a very clear limit on how much they want to hear about it. After a couple of months, family who have never been through this will tell you to move on and get over it. They have no idea what this is like. Married friends get to a point where they don't want to hear about it either. There's a feeling that separation/divorce is contagious, especially if they are having problems too. Which many of them are.
/r/Divorce_Men29/10/25 11:32 AM
17

Yes its quite refreshing. A much more sensible emotion than pining for someone who destroyed the family and burnt everything to the ground.
/r/Divorce_Men28/10/25 01:41 PM
6

Your ex wife is not your friend, she left you and blew up your family. I don't know the details but you have to let go, you cannot live with her anymore. And why are you wanting to pay for her? That's crazy. She made the decision to leave, how she pays her way is her responsibility now. I think the reality is you are desparate for her to stay, I understand but its pointless. If you wife doesn't want you anymore, holding on is the worst thing you can do. Let her go completely, let her see what li…
/r/Divorce_Men27/10/25 12:39 PM
1

Thanks, I know it sounds petty, but truth be told I am bitter. Leaving is one thing, entirely her choice. But the way she conducted herself afterwards, getting treated with disdain, callousness and complete disregard is something else.
/r/Divorce_Men26/10/25 05:20 PM
2

Once you're divorced from your wife, you're divorced from her entire family too. Seriously I'm amazed you would think it was any other way.
/r/Divorce_Men26/10/25 12:38 PM
3

Her family will take her side regardless of who's to blame. Not sure why you're suprised at this?
/r/Divorce_Men26/10/25 12:35 PM
2

I feel for you, similiar thing happened to me. Wife left, then a few weeks later lots of positive signs of reconciliation, she wanted us to live apart for the moment, but we would do thing with our daughter, spend Christmas together, have meals, watch movies etc..., hell she even wanted me to stay over once she moved into her new place. LIke a fool I believed her. Few months later she rolled back on everything. My daughter was distraught. She still asks why mum and I arent doing things together …
/r/Divorce_Men26/10/25 12:22 PM
2

Good luck to all who are going through this. its the same thing played out over and over again. Once they've gone , they've gone. They wll blame you for everything. It doesn't matter how much you committed, how dedicated you were to your family, how many household chores you did. You see this time and time again. We were together over 25 years, and she blew everything up. No inifdelity, abuse or addiction. Things got rough during and after Covid, work stress, family bereavement, the usual things…
/r/Divorce_Men26/10/25 11:58 AM
9

Absolutley unable to compromise, the tiny number of things where I got my way with bringing up our daughter were held against me and then used as a stick to beat me with years down the line. She was an inherently selfish person, although outwards appearance would make you think the opposite. Seems to have a real problem with genuine empatthy. Once she got itno her forties she could be an absolute monster to deal with. Just incredibly difficult for the sake of it. The simplest things became impos…
/r/Divorce_Men25/10/25 12:29 PM
3

'The more I detached from her, the more she tries to enter my orbit, with bullshit, looking for ways to talk to me so she could control me, not happening' Exactly the same as happening to me. I broke all contact apart from solely kids stuff. Now I get long poin tless texts, asking what I'm doing with our daughter Fuck you , you forfeited any right to know about me now.
/r/Divorce_Men25/10/25 12:18 PM
2

Man. I know that feeling. It's hard to describe, and unless you've been thorugh it no one else understands. I got strung along with false hope for months. The only thing to do is cut contact completely, and this is very hard when you still love someone. 100% kids stuff by text only. If she tries to engage I ignore her completely, and lately she has been trying more. I can tell how my ghosting is annoying her. Women don't like losing control, she thought I'd always be there waiting like a broken …
/r/Divorce_Men25/10/25 12:13 PM
9

Not embarrassing mate. I pretty much lost my mind when my partner of 26 years left last year. Its weird, I don't even remember much of it, its like my brain has blanked most of it out. Time heals.
/r/Divorce_Men24/10/25 03:36 PM
8

A lot of them probably aren't even married
/r/Divorce_Men24/10/25 02:44 PM
3

'I’m really struggling with the idea of ever putting my faith, trust, and vulnerability into another person again' This is exactly where I am. And its starting to become a real obstacle mentally. The idea of risking going through this separation shitshow again fills me with dread.
/r/Divorce_Men23/10/25 04:23 PM
6

Worst part for me is changeover day (today) So I won't see my daughter again until next Friday. Never fails to bring me down. Saying goodbye to your kids every week is no joke. We'd had such an amazing week. Took her to Budapest for 5 nights in a hotel twin room. She said it was like a sleepover, really reinforced our already strong bond. It amazes me that my ex walked away and gave up 50% of the time with our kid before she leaves home, you don't get this back.
/r/Divorce_Men23/10/25 01:29 PM
11

Honestly it feels like an epidemic. Mine blew our family up after 26 years. Life got stressful and she walked. No abuse , addiction or infidelity. Normal things that happen to every couple, family deaths, work stress, the usual. The only thing that seems logical to me was perimenopause. She had close friends who were divorced/separated, which may have been a factor.# When she was in her early 40's she became bitter resentful and cold. She left at 44. I've given up asking why. I completely ignore…
/r/Divorce_Men22/10/25 05:53 PM
4

Yep, this part has really messed with my head. How do you just finish everything after decades together? I know its really going to be a major challenge to trust any woman again. What's the point of loyalty and commitment when it can be discarded and trashed overnight? Never want to go through this hell again.
/r/Divorce_Men22/10/25 03:22 PM
11

You can never convince her of this, the more you try the more she will push back. Its a sad indictement of modern women but once people in their friend circle start splitting up, others feel compelled to follow suit. Good luck, hoepfully you guys will work things out, but you need to be prepared for the most likely scenario: the end of your marriage.
/r/Divorce_Men20/10/25 12:03 PM
8

Would she help you like this? Is the answer is no, you know what to do.
/r/Divorce_Men18/10/25 04:25 PM
2

Unfortuntely statistics bear that out. ~70% of 2nd marriages fail iirc.
/r/Divorce_Men18/10/25 03:57 PM
5

The more I see, the more it seems perimenopause is a huge factor in things going sideways. I've got married friends who's wives are reaching that age and speaking to them the similarities to my situation before we separated are unreal. Mine was fine for 20+years, once she got into her 40's she mutated into someone unrecognisable. Terrifying tbh.
/r/Divorce_Men18/10/25 03:52 PM
2

I really hope you're wrong, but got a bad feeling you're not.
/r/Divorce_Men18/10/25 03:47 PM
22

JFC, it never ends. Honestly wish I could figure out whats going on with women these days. I'm a bit further down the road, but it does get easier. After I passed the 12 months mark, my sleep started getting much better. Still lonely as hell, but I live for my daughter who I have every other week. Mine up and left too,26 years together. No clear reason other than normal life stresses. I completely ignore her now, apart from kids stuff only. Lately she has been trying to engage, but she can go to…
/r/Divorce_Men18/10/25 03:42 PM
1

It becomes the norm. You count the days until you see them, and then you count the days until they go. I have my daughter basically 50/50. It becomes the norm but is an absolutely shit change from family life with kids. The decision to willingly give up half the time with your kids before they leave home, shouldn't be taken lightly. Saying goodbye to them every other week is no joke. I make a point of going out with friends on my weekend. And it does affect the kids. Don't let anyone tell you ot…
/r/Divorce_Men12/10/25 04:13 PM
3

Brick wall is the only way. I was like you the first few months desperately trying to shore things up, keep some sort of hope alive . Completely pointless, I don't respond at all now unless its 100 % related to our kid. I'm away with my daughter to Budapest for a week, and my ex kept asking me where I was going and I just ignored her, eventually I gave her a one word answer after she kept bugging me to tell her. Like just get to fuck.. She gets to know nothing about my life now. Might try and ho…
/r/Divorce_Men12/10/25 11:16 AM
5

Welcome to the club.
/r/Divorce_Men10/10/25 06:15 PM
18

Wait until you see what perimenopause does to them!
/r/Divorce_Men10/10/25 01:12 PM
8

Yes, my baseline mood is now anger. I hate feeling like this. Edited to say, I had to text her today about arrangements for my daughter. I was feeling ok before having to interact with her, now the default anger is back. My blood boils how she could destroy our family.
/r/Divorce_Men09/10/25 03:27 PM
3

Kill all contact with her except 100% child related. Its hard af but its the only way to start the healing process.
/r/Divorce_Men09/10/25 02:45 PM
3

No contact is the only way. Its incredibly hard to do initially. All you want to do is keep some form of communication going. It's up to the person that left to reach out for reconciliation to be a possibility.
/r/Divorce_Men08/10/25 01:20 PM
1

Then I feel for you. There's two types of separation/divorce. With kids and without kids. They are not remotely comparable. When you have kids, you are never truly 'divorced' and the experience is usually always negative for the children.
/r/Divorce_Men07/10/25 01:46 PM
3

The idea that you're perpetually 'in love' with someone after potentially decades together, with all the ups and downs that every long term relationship goes through is pure Hollywood bullshit. Meaningless nonsense. I hate my separated wife for blowing everything up but still love her. Life is complicated
/r/Divorce_Men07/10/25 01:09 PM
4

'If I loved her, she says I would just leave and let her have full custody. I told her I can leave but I want 50/50' Haha fuck that ridiculous bullshit. Honestly man, it might not feel like it now, but yoiu are better off without this person in your life.
/r/Divorce_Men06/10/25 07:11 PM
1

Man, fuck that sack of shit woman
/r/Divorce_Men06/10/25 07:04 PM
2

Exactly, co-parenting kids with someone you want nothing more to do with is a gruelling miserable experience.
/r/Divorce_Men06/10/25 12:20 PM
14

You can't be friends. I found this out the hard way. For the first 10-12 months of separation, I kept things going communication wise, mainly because I was getting clear signs of reconciliation. Nothing came of it. A waste of time and just postponed a lot of grief and healing, and kept me hanging on in false hope. Simple fact is this: The person that left has to be the one to reach out if there's hope of reconciliation. Everyrthing else is a waste of time.
/r/Divorce_Men06/10/25 12:17 PM
11

Good on you, bro. I'm 15 months into separation and the idea of sleeping with a good woman seems so fantastical. This whole thing has wrecked me in so many ways. I hate the way its affected my view of woman.
/r/Divorce_Men06/10/25 12:08 PM
10

No kids? She doesn't exist anymore. Lucky you. I wish I was in your position.
/r/Divorce_Men06/10/25 12:04 PM
2

Over 70% of 2nd marriages fail. Never again thanks.
/r/Divorce_Men02/10/25 04:35 PM
4

From the sounds of it, I don't think you're cut out for marriage.
/r/Divorce_Men02/10/25 01:06 PM
1

That's just common sense, after what I'm going through
/r/Divorce_Men02/10/25 12:19 PM
6

Stop living together asap and then go completely no contact as much as possible with kids. Then you will slowly but surely heal.
/r/Divorce_Men30/09/25 04:14 PM
12

Because I loved her. To be honest, things were good for a long time. Even though she used to harp on about her unhappiness, she didn't act like it most of the time until the last few years. Since Covid, we went through a series of family deaths including her Dad and my Mum, then things really started to unravel. I didn't recognise her tbh.
/r/Divorce_Men23/09/25 02:03 PM
0

You wouldn't be getting divorced from the perfect wife. So its a moot question.
/r/Divorce_Men23/09/25 12:40 PM
25

My wife told me she was unhappy about two weeks after we started dating, she told me she was unhappy when we moved in together. She was unhappy when she needled me endlessly to get married. She was unhappy before we had children ( her idea) and she was unhappy afterwards. She was unhappy when we moved into a beautiful new home together. She was unhappy when she blew everything up and destroyed our famly. And she's unhappy now she's left. So sorry, but I take no responsibility for her unhappiness…
/r/Divorce_Men23/09/25 10:44 AM
1

Jesus, man. I'm so sorry to hear that.
/r/Divorce_Men21/09/25 05:13 PM
4

Yep, I'm stunned at how she blew up everything. Incredibile.I try to rationalise it but can't. Its completely altered my view on long term relationships and women in generaL Never willl I put my self in that postition again.
/r/Divorce_Men21/09/25 02:37 PM
12

Almost certain perimenopause was a major, if not main, factor in my separation. The problem is if you even dare raise it with your wife , it'll almost certainly enrage her further. My wife turned into someone I barely recognise, so bitter, angry and miserable. Even more so since she left! Its been just over a year now and I have gone no contact as much as possible with a kid. Good luck, this whole thing is brutal.
/r/Divorce_Men20/09/25 11:10 AM
5

Uh yeah, they're really good at that They blow everything up, destroy the family, then become bitter and callous about it. Fucking freaks
/r/Divorce_Men19/09/25 11:03 AM
7

In a few years, maybe less , her new boyfriend will be where you are now. And the cycle will continue, with her getting more desperate year on year.
/r/Divorce_Men18/09/25 05:52 PM
4

Yep it really is. This thread reminded me of a couple of months back. I was messaging trying to get days with my daughter back that were due from my ex taking her on holiday. She replied 'this is why you don't have a wife anymore' It's nonsensical. Makes no sense. Just spite for spite's sake. Made me realise what I was dealing with. No more pussyfooting around.
/r/Divorce_Men16/09/25 04:45 PM
7

I think its a front. Women love to tell other woman how well they're doing.
/r/Divorce_Men16/09/25 11:59 AM
7

My ex became someone I don't recognise. I have a strong suspicion it was perimenopause/mid life crisis related. No matter what I did, asked about reconciliation or go no contact, I'm the villain in her story. Its exhausting and I just cant be arsed with it anymore.
/r/Divorce_Men16/09/25 11:57 AM
7

I don't understand. I go the same thing: a torrent of insults, after she left. Why the vindictiveness? She left, I want nothing more to do with her. If only I could blank her from my life forever, but we have a child. Really raised some questions on my opinion of woman in general. I know it shouldn't.
/r/Divorce_Men16/09/25 11:50 AM
4

It's shit, I went from a really nice house with a workshop garden etc in a great area to a shabby rental. I'm closer to my daughter now, and that's the main priority. I hated staying there on my own anyway when we separated.. But yeah a sudden drop in your standard of living is a shit experience, no two ways.
/r/Divorce_Men15/09/25 02:09 PM
1

'It would make you want to put her head in the door and give it a good slam.' Succintly put sir. Bravo!
/r/Divorce_Men14/09/25 12:27 PM
1

Fight to get 50/50. You have as much right as your ex does. For the first few months I only had my kid every other weekend because I was still in our old family home which was some distance from where my ex had moved to. My daughter hated staying there, and it upset her so much. because it was nearly empty after my ex took so much stuff. Having her only 3 nights every two weeks nearly broke me. Do your best to get you child as much as possible. Good luck man, I wouldnt wish this on anyone.
/r/Divorce_Men13/09/25 03:41 PM
2

Then walk away and never contact her again.
/r/Divorce_Men13/09/25 01:13 PM
1

If you have young kids, be very careful about choosing divorce. Do everything you can to make it work. Only seeing them at best half the time is absolutley brutal. This is where I, and I know many others, are really struggling. You're also never truly 'divorced' because you will be forced to communicate with your ex. If you don't have kids, its a whole lot simpler.
/r/Divorce_Men13/09/25 12:27 PM
10

I know what you mean, saying goodbye to my daughter every other week, feels unnatural and wrong. When she's with me, I count the days until she goes, then I count the days until she's back. I fucking hate this shit.
/r/Divorce_Men13/09/25 01:48 AM
1

Exactly, having kids means you're never truly 'divorced' I would love to never set eyes or communicate with my ex again, but its impossible. Kids/No kids divorce is not even remotely comparable.
/r/Divorce_Men12/09/25 11:20 AM
1

Yep, Covid WFH and perimenopause turned her into an absolute monster. Literally everything was my fault. It would be funny if it wasn't so tragic.
/r/Divorce_Men12/09/25 11:05 AM
6

Another Scottish marital refugee. Fun times eh?
/r/Divorce_Men11/09/25 12:02 PM
2

Yep, I think my catastrofuck marriage was a combination of both. I barely recognised the woman at the end. And now she's more unhappy than ever since we separated.
/r/Divorce_Men10/09/25 06:43 PM
13

'but there’s a serious risk of your wife going crazy in menopause and blowing everything up' There certainly is. Ask me how I know. And you're dead right. I will never ever get embroiled in a serious relationship again. A fools game.
/r/Divorce_Men10/09/25 04:09 PM
6

Really well put. There are so many layers to this hell. No one has a clue unless they've gone through it. I remember hearing about couples separating/divorcing. I was like 'what a shame, oh well' The truth is for me its been worse than any kind of grief I've had before, and I include both elderly parent dying. When you have kids, its 10 x times worse too.
/r/Divorce_Men05/09/25 01:57 PM
3

Nah keep the lizard, ditch the crazy snake.
/r/Divorce_Men05/09/25 10:50 AM
5

Nope. That's not true.
/r/Divorce_Men05/09/25 10:43 AM
1

It's the truth. Miy ex is now in constant therapy, put on a ton of weight and is signed off work for the first time in her life. She's never looked more unhappy. I'd be lying if I said there wasn't an element of schadenfreude. La la land wasn't so happy after all. Never again will I give a women anything more than an extremely shallow transactional relationship. Marriage is a fool's game nowadays.
/r/Divorce_Men05/09/25 10:34 AM
2

If I was you, I'd move asap. It'll always be somewhere full of memories good and bad. I was in our old marital home for 6 months after we separated. Put me in a very bad place mentally. It was half empty because she had moved a lot of stuff out. My daughter was so upset when she saw it like that. Couldn't get out of there fast enough. I'm in a shabby rental flat that's costing me a fortune, but Id rather be here any day. It was a beautiful house, big garden, spent thousands renovating it in 2017…
/r/Divorce_Men04/09/25 04:14 PM
8

Completely destroyed my faith in commitment, love, long term relationships, and women in general. Most of all I miss my daughter, only having her 50% of the time before she turns into an adult is brutal beyond belief.
/r/Divorce_Men04/09/25 01:46 PM
7

Not gonna lie, there's an element of that for me too.
/r/Divorce_Men02/09/25 10:46 PM
1

'All about her happiness and finding herself.' Such utter nonsense.
/r/Divorce_Men02/09/25 01:48 PM
3

Unbelievably selfish behaviour
/r/Divorce_Men02/09/25 01:19 PM
11

When it comes to sacrifice, men will sacrifice their happiness for their family, women will sacrifice their family for happiness. And it hardly ever woks, because 'happiness' is such a nebulous concept. My wife and I separated, she initiated, and now she's more unhappy than ever. She is signed off work for the first time in her life, has put on a ton of weight, and is in constant therapy. I've gone no contact because I can't bear to see her like this. Whole thing is just utterly heartbreaking.
/r/Divorce_Men02/09/25 01:01 PM
1

The callous self-centred fucking bitch is what I use. No, I'm not bitter. Not at all.
/r/Divorce_Men01/09/25 11:47 AM
1

You must, for your children.
/r/Divorce_Men22/08/25 05:00 PM
1

FWIW I'm so sorry, and please hang on in there. Life can be so cruel sometimes.
/r/Divorce_Men22/08/25 03:16 PM
1

Why stay married to a person like this?
/r/Divorce_Men20/08/25 04:07 PM
1

lmao!
/r/Divorce_Men20/08/25 03:47 PM
4

70% fail rate for 2nd marriages. Fool me once etc
/r/Divorce_Men20/08/25 03:41 PM
6

You're not alone. I'm coming up a year separated now, and the void inside is just as empty. My life is shit, quite frankly. My home ,my wife, half the time with my kids , half my wages to a shitty rental property, my workshop, my motorbikes, all gone. For no good reason. Hard to reconcile this.
/r/Divorce_Men12/06/25 12:16 PM
3

I have my daughter week on week off, it's about as good a system as it can be.. It's still harrowing every time I say goodbye when she goes back to the Wicked Witch. Saying goodbye to your kid is unnatural man. It stil amazes me the ease with which she gave up 50% of childhood time with our daughter. You don't get that back. Still, I don't know who this person is anymore.
/r/Divorce_Men12/06/25 11:46 AM
5

jfc- whats wrong with these people?
/r/Divorce_Men11/06/25 10:10 PM
5

You sound just like me . My life is drudgery and joyless. It's been nearly a year separated now, and I feel no better. I just want to go home to my wife and daughter, but that is gone now. Our beautiful home lies empty waiting to be sold. I cant even bring myslef to go and clear the rest of my things. I just dont care. I'm in a rental flat with a totally uncertain future. Everyday is a struggle. I can't actually believe that she burnt everything to the ground. There was no big event. No cheating…
/r/Divorce_Men10/06/25 10:43 PM
3

This. Seeing your kid only half the time and saying goodbye every other week is soul destroying for me.
/r/Divorce_Men28/05/25 03:49 PM
2

it really doesn't ~70% of second marriages fail. I imagine its even higher for 3rd
/r/Divorce_Men22/05/25 01:12 PM
3

'She completely killed the old me though and all my possible future relationships won't last long because of it.' And that right there is the biggest issue for me. My perception of women and relationships has changed completely now. I don't trust them at all.
/r/Divorce_Men22/05/25 12:24 PM
3

All this 'learning yourself' stuff when you are walked out on for no apparent reason is just bullshit. Trying to make a positive situation out of something wholly negative. Similiar thing happened to me, we went through a rough patch of family bereavement and work crisis, I withdrew and became depressed and she walked away. Destroying our family and marriage in the process. I love her but my blood boils with rage at the ease with which she did this. That's the reality. There is no lesson to be l…
/r/Divorce_Men22/05/25 12:01 PM
2

Its really odd. All I want in my life is companionship, contentment and security. Met my ex today after months of separation that she initiated, and she is so unhappy and discontent.
/r/Divorce_Men09/05/25 01:11 PM
5

So true, friends and family are sick of hearing about it after a couple of months and just say 'move on' They ahve absolutely no idea of just how many ways this fucks you up. The whole separation thing is a never ending nightmare., espeacially if you have kids. I feel utterly broken and exhausted. Now my ex makes every single part of co-parenting as difficult as possible. Pure fcuking spite. She blows the famly up for no good reason and then turns into the bigggest asshole imagineable. Its unbea…
/r/Divorce_Men08/05/25 07:55 PM
1

So much of this resonates. Today, nearly 10 months after we separated., I've had what is possibly my worst day yet. Family sick to death of hearing it, friends the same. Sitting in my shitty flat, thinking of my beautiful old home. All of us together. Safe and secure. Now gone forever. This can't go on.
/r/Divorce_Men05/05/25 08:14 PM
1

When you're sitting in a crappy rental flat with no money and your kids as visitors Then you know. Do everything you can to save you marriage. Absolutely everything.
/r/Divorce_Men28/04/25 10:53 PM
1

Stop this madness, for your own sake.
/r/Divorce_Men27/04/25 06:35 PM
1

10 phones? You are bonkers
/r/Divorce_Men27/04/25 06:34 PM
3

The way she's acting doesn't sound like a good mother to me. There is most defintely a trend where women just fuck off when they cant be bothered anymore. Marriage and commitment is just not a priority. Obviosly this is a generalisation but my god what is happening?
/r/Divorce_Men26/04/25 11:45 PM
7

Is life like a commercial now? Do you spend your days running through fields of flowers with your new found freedom?
/r/Divorce_Men25/04/25 07:03 PM
2

Cynical and oppotunist. GTFO
/r/Divorce_Men23/04/25 09:49 PM
7

Awful, so sorry.
/r/Divorce_Men31/03/25 01:49 PM
You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

© TheRedArchive 2026. All rights reserved.
created by /u/dream-hunter