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fewdo Archive

View 5 posts and 651 comments by fewdo on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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2

Sometimes I just stop in the middle of a chore and think about how magical it is to fold a towel without someone bitching about it.
/r/Divorce_Men12/07/26 05:10 PM
1

Respectfully sir, everyday is a victory. Against impossible odds you are still going. How are your kids doing? Are they growing (victory) and getting smarter (victory)? Every thing you are not addicted to is a victory. Every trip to the gym is a victory. Slow down a hair and expect a bit less of yourself and of life. Did you get criticized for your parenting today? Have you noticed your kids being kind, careful, diligent, resilient, creative? Where did they learn that from? Finally, are you on s…
/r/Divorce_Men11/07/26 11:31 AM
1

Did she and her mom undo the things that made you end it? It's easy to take a bad job until you find a better one and it's easy to stay in a bad relationship until she finds a better one
/r/Divorce_Men07/07/26 02:56 AM
2

Ya can't force her to be kind. :/ sounds like she decided to get mean. It's time to spend on a lawyer. You're talking about years of income.
/r/Divorce_Men03/07/26 04:09 AM
2

Usually loans are the joint and separate responsibility of both people. So the lender (bank) can sue each of you on your own.
/r/Divorce_Men30/06/26 04:47 PM
3

Leaving would totally set a precedent. Whatever you accept is evidence of what you're okay with. Does FL require separation before divorce? What's the need? Sometimes time apart is a way for her to try starting something with someone new while keeping you as the backup plan.
/r/Divorce_Men29/06/26 10:47 AM
3

My whole algo is relationship shit. I finally pushed it off to a separate account so I could decide when I had the energy to deal with it.
/r/Divorce_Men27/06/26 11:01 PM
2

Hey man, you will get through this. It only feels impossibly hard
/r/Divorce_Men27/06/26 12:16 PM
3

You don't have to be bad or flawed to not be the right person for someone. Imagine walking the mall. There are hundreds of people there you don't want to date, that doesn't make them bad. You can feel however you want. I wouldn't tell her about it. She chose to be an outsider. She doesn't get to hear about your feelings or weaknesses any more. As for why get married? I'm still trying to figure that out! :D
/r/Divorce_Men23/06/26 04:47 PM
7

The magic phrase I used was "I'd rather give you the money than give it to a lawyer"
/r/Divorce_Men23/06/26 01:26 PM
2

This is sweeping generalizations but, it seems like many women rely of people loving them for their security, the way many guys rely on their job skills. If you have x you'll be okay. So they place a high value on being loved and won't jeopardize that with communication until they're sure that they're going. It's like how you don't tell your boss that you're applying somewhere else, you tell 'em after you get the job offer. She's been privately figuring this out in her head for months or years. …
/r/Divorce_Men23/06/26 01:18 PM
2

Turn that freaking app off! Why the f are you torturing yourself that much? But yeah, I made the mistake of getting depressed too, so she left. Now though, life is easy. No one judges me if I let a pan soak in the sink for an hour. My tools don't wander around so much that it takes an hour to get started on any task. And I don't get yelled at!
/r/Divorce_Men22/06/26 03:08 PM
3

I promised to love her forever. Even now years afterwards I hate myself when I watch her life go to shit under her own power
/r/Divorce_Men14/06/26 05:14 PM
5

Mine kept saying "you have a really good case." She mandated to get me exactly what my ex offered before the flight.
/r/Divorce_Men12/06/26 12:09 PM
1

Oh https://www.reddit.com/r/abusiverelationships/comments/1bfzncn/how_do_you_trust_again/
/r/Divorce_Men11/06/26 11:19 AM
1

Yeah, the door is all but nailed shut at this point. I don't know how actual physical abuse survivors ever trust anyone again.
/r/Divorce_Men11/06/26 10:57 AM
1

I don't even look at them. I just assume the crazy. Sigh
/r/Divorce_Men02/06/26 11:29 PM
5

The divorce process is brutal on your finances. But afterwards, no one is spending your money on days out without you, or two meals a day at McDonald's because cooking is hard, or "why can't we pay someone to mow the lawn, clear the driveway, or paint the living room?
/r/Divorce_Men23/05/26 12:52 AM
1

This and depression. And then you have control of your money, give or take whatever the judge decides in two minutes of thinking. And then ya kinda feel rich because life is half price and you're the only one spending.
/r/Divorce_Men22/05/26 09:21 PM
1

If you're paying child support, don't accept any overtime hours. Whatever you earn is used as evidence for how much you earn. So if you put in mad OT this year, you may owe based on that income even when OT isn't available.
/r/Divorce_Men12/05/26 04:03 AM
4

Whyyyy? Do you have an extra thousand a month burning a hole in your pocket?
/r/Divorce_Men12/05/26 03:44 AM
2

This. I would rather give my ex ten thousand bucks than give it to a lawyer. She wasn't evil to me and I used to love her.
/r/Divorce_Men11/05/26 03:51 PM
1

Ya just gotta add it to your list of things to do man. Turn off lights that aren't in use and close the door every time you pass it. I like the white noise machine idea too.
/r/Divorce_Men11/05/26 12:21 PM
1

The laws vary by state but you may be right. I didn't read up on surveillance cameras
/r/Divorce_Men11/05/26 12:17 PM
1

I was depressed because the pandemic destroyed everything that I enjoyed or took pride in. My bad
/r/Divorce_Men04/05/26 12:47 AM
3

It's a different type of good for me. I dated a young hottie for a bit and that was fun. But these days I'm just happy to not be criticized every day
/r/Divorce_Men17/04/26 07:32 PM
1

You were drinking and trash talking him to your group chat and asking how to show respect? Interesting. Spreading negative information about people is a form of violence against their reputation. It changes the way people interact with them. As for the anxious-avoidant dance, as someone who gets avoidant, I wish my partner knew that her criticisms were hitting a twenty times harder than she was saying them. It got to the point that I was wishing she would just hit me because it would hurt less.
/r/Divorce_Men17/04/26 12:36 PM
2

Kudos to you for dating! I have noticed that there are different subcultures around. If the women you're finding aren't your cup of tea, it's legit to go to a different hobby/interest. I doubt you'd get a response but it might be valuable to send a "I'm trying to work on myself too, if there's anything you saw that needs work is appreciate a heads up." And then take it with a grain of salt. You don't have to be what that woman wants but it could be helpful for the next relationship.
/r/Divorce_Men17/04/26 12:24 PM
3

Do you have a lawyer who has handled a bunch of divorces before? Law is like a game with a million rules. You do not want to play it without years of experience. Consider how much money is on the table in the divorce, spending ten or twenty thousand to keep things sane and fair is good business. Not to mention the discussion about how many hours a month you'll see your kid
/r/Divorce_Men12/04/26 05:43 PM
2

I understand it and agree to an extent but I've known some great women in my life. I've literally said "I hate all women except the women's know personally"
/r/Divorce_Men05/04/26 05:10 PM
2

I agree with the first two paragraphs. I'm hoping your wrong about the third but I doubt it
/r/Divorce_Men05/04/26 02:12 PM
0

The crisis care seems counter productive to me. All I could imagine was how my ex's lawyer would use the police record to keep me from ever seeing the kids again
/r/Divorce_Men05/04/26 12:03 PM
3

This. You don't have to be amazing or right all the time. Just keep showing up
/r/Divorce_Men05/04/26 11:56 AM
6

And don't argue with her about it. She can want stuff but you don't need to discuss that shit any more. In NY they're only allowed to reevaluate child support every 3 yrs.
/r/Divorce_Men01/04/26 12:57 AM
4

Ya pay to start, ya pay to stop. :)
/r/Divorce_Men01/04/26 12:50 AM
2

Cool when you're mentally healthy and not facing the biggest stress of your life. I googled "why is my wife yelling at me?" and got advice to obey her more to stop the abuse. So finding a male space was pretty freaking important to my recovery.
/r/Divorce_Men28/03/26 11:41 PM
1

Is this related to the idea of having a safe space for men?
/r/Divorce_Men28/03/26 11:37 PM
2

This. As much as you can think of the dollar value of objects. And don't forget that your goal is to get away. If you need to give her 51% to get out of your life, It's still a good deal
/r/Divorce_Men22/03/26 12:39 PM
1

This. If you can get basically what you want with an arbitration, you'll both save a bunch of money (like $10k). Any attempt to move far away will look bad. Either you're removing a valid parent (Mom) from your kid's life or you're leaving your kid's life. Many courts think both parents matter these days and we're expected to agree. As for the creepy vibes claim, if she starts bringing that up a bunch, I'd hire a lawyer.
/r/Divorce_Men22/03/26 12:32 PM
4

The counselor is not going to call the police on a woman abusing a man, basically ever. That being said, you don't have to do more counseling than you think is reasonable and productive. When divorce is on the table, people can behave themselves for a couple months.
/r/Divorce_Men21/03/26 04:04 PM
2

I got mostly nothing man. Ask him what a woman should do if her husband won't let her into her house and makes her pay a ton of money? Reversing the genders can clarify what's going on for lots of people
/r/Divorce_Men17/03/26 02:33 AM
1

I tried marriage counseling for a couple years. It didn't fix anything but it felt like we tried so when I said it was time for a divorce it wasn't a giant shock. Edit: typos
/r/Divorce_Men15/03/26 11:51 PM
2

You're his beneficiary on his Roth IRA in case he dies? That doesn't sound horrible for either of you. If you're uncomfortable with it though, you can ask him to assign it to someone else.
/r/Divorce_Men15/03/26 10:17 PM
1

I'm struggling right now because the woman I loved destroyed me and now she's being friendly again after I'm semi-healed. I look at her and see the woman I used to love. I have to consciously and frequently remind myself that she's also the person who broke me.
/r/Divorce_Men06/03/26 11:29 PM
1

She sounds and looks like the woman you could bring anything to not times have changed. You can't talk to her safely anymore and you should stop trying.
/r/Divorce_Men06/03/26 11:17 PM
2

she got a buzz cut
/r/Divorce_Men01/03/26 07:17 PM
4

It sucks that I don't see my kids much because I was a bummer to be around during covid. My ex gets to spend my income, her income, and the new guy's income. It's like a quarter million dollar prize for taking kids away from their dad. I don't make the kinda money where I can give away 250k again. so, yeah, I'm pretty skittish about even looking at women again.
/r/Divorce_Men27/02/26 03:48 AM
3

She's not your person anymore. You have no duty or responsibility to take care of her emotional state. You can ignore those messages or tell her to talk to someone else about it but it's just not your place any longer. She is other. She is outside the wall. Treat her like a coworker you hate that you need to work with to get a project done. That project is a complete divorce.
/r/Divorce_Men25/02/26 04:13 AM
1

Maybe yeah. Maybe no. Would you suggest borrowing against your house to play the market? Paying off the house note is a sure thing that lowers the risk to your family.
/r/Divorce_Men25/02/26 02:59 AM
-2

honestly, the "feel your feelings" thing is bullshit for men.
/r/Divorce_Men15/02/26 08:14 PM
1

If you need the money, go ahead. If not *shrug*. My ex works such shitty jobs that she was going to pay so little that it wasn't worth it. We traded my spousal support (alimony) for her child support and it was like 10k I could have gotten from her over the 20 years. F it, I let her keep her money. I'd rather my kid's mom be doing a little bit okay. If the money situation was reversed and she was the higher earner, I don't know. I'm a proud man but day care is spendy!
/r/Divorce_Men15/02/26 04:10 PM
5

There was just a day when I realized that she didn't Want to understand me. It wasn't that I was being unclear or honest or open. She had no interest in understanding my side of things. There was literally nothing I could say or do that would matter at all. Grey rock got far easier after that.
/r/Divorce_Men15/02/26 04:05 PM
1

No one needs to be wrong in a divorce. It's enough to just admit that it's not working for you.
/r/Divorce_Men14/02/26 01:10 AM
5

Is she going to put in effort to make things better long term? Has she done the impossible and changed? No No. She hurt me on purpose to feel better about the divorce. I remember the good times when she smiles at me now but no. She's not kind.
/r/Divorce_Men13/02/26 05:54 PM
7

Take some time to be alone. Reach out to friends and family who are just yours. I made the mistake of taking to friends of both of ours... It hurt worse than not talking. You'll likely try to figure out what you did wrong. Don't think that you're the only one who messed up this relationship. You've heard of rose-colored glasses? There's something like that in reverse. Where she used to see everything you've ever done in the best light, now she will look at those same facts in the worst light. Th…
/r/Divorce_Men07/02/26 10:41 AM
5

That's a good list. The formatting needs with but yeah It's dumb but I started singing freaking kombayah to myself when I started ruminating myself into a spiral. I haven't gotten back to services yet but I'm feeling a bit protected and guided these days. I did the thing where I stopped engaging with my ex about her feelings and interpretations. I wonder sometimes about how different our experiences were in the divorce. She did a lot of attacking and I didn't. I know I'm damaged but I'm a bit pr…
/r/Divorce_Men05/02/26 11:00 PM
3

You haven't become evil or horrible but she has this perception change going on like pair of tinted glasses. Everything you do and have ever done, she sees in the worst possible way. It's brutal to experience. The one person you trust the most seems like she's trying to destroy you with her words. And you just need to tank the damage. It's not fair but that's the hand of cards you have right now. She's going to use social violence abusively and no one will protect you. You need to become a rock …
/r/Divorce_Men05/02/26 12:32 PM
1

And do you like her? If you insisted on moving to someplace cheaper, what would happen? Oh, have you read the book "No More Mr Nice Guy"? It's got some good stuff to say about giving too much of yourself.
/r/Divorce_Men03/02/26 11:04 AM
2

Yeah. It felt like the court was punishing me for carrying my lazy ex for years by telling me to carry her for even longer.
/r/Divorce_Men03/02/26 11:02 AM
2

Hehehe
/r/Divorce_Men01/02/26 03:13 PM
5

Lower your expectations to surviving and showing up. Then get better at stuff slowly and do better slowly.
/r/Divorce_Men29/01/26 09:49 PM
1

She's not going to forgive you. She has had a fair chance at that. The romance is gone and not coming back. Is that okay? If you moved into another bedroom and got old as roommates together would that work for you? I thought my family would judge me for divorcing but so many of them were in dead marriages too that I decided that I didn't care what they thought about it. They turned out to be pretty supportive actually. Are you really feeling guilty about something that happened a lifetime ago? I…
/r/Divorce_Men29/01/26 01:10 PM
1

I'm with everyone what saying that she doesn't get to monitor your life. Also though, what does your lawyer say?
/r/Divorce_Men26/01/26 07:26 PM
1

you have a lot going on! I don't know how you're managing honestly. What can we help you with?
/r/Divorce_Men12/01/26 01:21 AM
1

I had a friend like that. It was just a skill issue. Dude was an awesome guy, just had never really studied writing
/r/Divorce_Men12/01/26 01:14 AM
2

There's a podcast called "why she stayed" which is women talking about how long they stayed in abusive relationships and how they got out. Sometimes they talk about small stuff that we all put up with endlessly but mostly they discuss the hard decisions between loving someone and recognizing when it's time to go. I've found the podcast to be very validating.
/r/Divorce_Men05/01/26 09:05 AM
2

?? Why?
/r/Divorce_Men05/01/26 09:02 AM
3

He's not arguing that it's false. He's just saying that he's tried of hearing it and it triggers him. And fair enough. The thought that there was a year when I was trying and she was planning to leave without communicating or letting me fix things is pretty infuriating.
/r/Divorce_Men28/12/25 03:37 PM
1

I feel ya. These jewelry companies have way more faith in my ability to pull than I do, let alone my willingness to marry again! Hehe. I see so many ads for diamonds!
/r/Divorce_Men27/12/25 01:16 PM
1

Yeah. We had tried counseling a couple times and our relationship had petered out to roommates. Then we did meditation with a "I'd rather give it to you than a lawyer" vibe and we spent $3k total. She hated me for a year which I can't blame her for but we're friends now.
/r/Divorce_Men18/12/25 06:42 PM
5

Agreed. The women I've had relationships with who didn't live with their dad's all placed a low value on me being in their lives.
/r/Divorce_Men16/12/25 12:02 AM
3

She likely made up her mind months ago and told you about it after she decided. I don't have ideas on how to limit the pain but I can day that it tapers off over the years. Act in a way that future you will be content with. Be as kind as you can manage and practice setting boundaries. It's possible to divorce for like $5,000 total or the two of you can fight enough to give the lawyers everything you've built up. I'm sorry bro. This part sucks. Just keep on this side of the dirt. Everything else …
/r/Divorce_Men06/12/25 11:44 PM
1

Yeah. There are things I could have done better. There are things she could have done better too. I thought back to before the fights and realized that I had been letting her slip away for years before the problems became evident. And I could have realized that she would hide problems to get the kids she wanted.
/r/Divorce_Men05/12/25 01:35 PM
2

??
/r/Divorce_Men05/12/25 01:16 PM
3

I know that feeling! Hugs
/r/Divorce_Men01/12/25 08:15 PM
1

Representation matters. The media, commercials, and social media all show our failings and nothing else.
/r/Divorce_Men29/11/25 09:52 AM
1

Yes but I'm thinking more of their approach to dealing with men. One ex doesn't value me, like her Mom with her dad. Another left when I couldn't support her new interest, just like her Mom. That mom dated people to get hobby gear like kayaks and mountain bikes. MY partner wouldn't do that right??? Ummm
/r/Divorce_Men27/11/25 12:49 AM
1

Are we still recommending nonstop audio recording around soon to be ex's? A digital recorder that saves every moment of calm silence that you can play back in defense of an accusation.
/r/Divorce_Men26/11/25 08:31 AM
17

If I could go back to before marriage, I'd tell myself to pay more attention to their moms and how they treat men.
/r/Divorce_Men26/11/25 08:24 AM
1

My too man. Me too. I came out of the worst relationship of my life and went right (1yr later) into the arms of a narcissist. I got out of that and now I feel so freaking hopeless. Somehow I have the "go to work no matter what" module installed and I'm doing okay financially but I just can't seem to build a "now" life. I'm just this broken, hollow shell waiting for the end. I'm on here in the middle of the night trying to find hope myself. I've got kids and I'm holding it together for them but i…
/r/Divorce_Men23/11/25 07:29 AM
4

In a hot second. I paid out one and two hundred thousand dollars in my first two divorces. If $3k keeps things amicable, yes!
/r/Divorce_Men21/11/25 10:41 PM
3

She's going to do that no matter what he does. He'll have worked too much or not enough, had too many friends or not enough, supported hey to much or not enough. It this point it doesn't matter what her reasons are, she's going to be the one who was wronged in her story.
/r/Divorce_Men15/11/25 06:39 PM
5

Hire a divorce mediator and have them write a separation agreement that treats you both decently. Don't mess around and play games with this. It's over of the hardest things in life. You don't need to make it worse by annoying your partner. If you want to stay together, ask for counseling. Don't just be annoying in the hopes it will save your marriage. Divorce 1 for me cost $3,000 to file with a mediator and we're friends a few years later. Divorce 2 cost about $20,000. We're able to talk polite…
/r/Divorce_Men15/11/25 06:28 PM
7

96 hours per month. 2 weekends a month. But I don't have to argue every single day. I'm flawed, broken, and worthless but I don't have to hear about it every day. So 4 days a month is better than what I had before.
/r/Divorce_Men12/11/25 04:16 AM
1

It's a legal thing that she can do. How would it affect you? Either you are dating or you're not. How would that info change anything? If you notice someone following you, you can call the police. If it persists, you can complain about harassment.
/r/Divorce_Men02/11/25 11:35 AM
2

That was all written. We gotta find a political action group for Dad's rights
/r/Divorce_Men01/11/25 06:31 PM
1

Louis CK used to say "divorce is the end of a bad relationship." No could that's make in love gets a divorce. Also, I got an emotion wheel on paper and as a pdf on my phone. When I was having feels, I'd look at it and think about stuff. My biggest surprise was that I was having like three emotions at once. Ya know how an average guy knows like 6 colors? It's like that for emotions too. There's a whole pile of other wanting names
/r/Divorce_Men01/11/25 06:20 PM
2

One of my ex's and I are friends. We used a divorce mediator to write the contract for us for about $3,000 total. I saw a coworker and his wife spend their last $20k on who would get the $20k. It was the lawyers. I decided that day that is rather give half-ish of my money to me wife as she left rather than to some random stranger. I guess the magic trick was that we went to counseling and worked on things. We tried to fix stuff and when it was over, we weren't shocked.
/r/Divorce_Men01/11/25 06:12 PM
3

If you can, do this. I thought about it as preferring to give her money instead of some shitty lawyer. Sure I'm not in love with her but I still valued her more than a stranger.
/r/Divorce_Men25/10/25 09:11 PM
2

I've been through a little bit of abuse and just yesterday I had to stop talking to a woman Because she was interesting. My system treats interesting woman as dangerous now, which is... special. What would work for me is patience and some effort. We don't know what's going on in her brain. She may be fighting herself or she may be less interested than she was. Reach out a little bit. Send a few messages. If she bites, keep it chill. If she doesn't add energy/effort, I'd read that as her losing i…
/r/Divorce_Men24/10/25 09:14 AM
8

I don't know your budget but this seems like tiny stuff. $1,000 a year? That's a 50 cent raise. The spending isn't in line with your agreement, sure, but it's not that much. And the number of men who don't use any kind of porn at all is tiny. Does she consume romance movies or novels? Does she watch social media about how all men are flawed children? Those are probably more harmful to the relationship ship than you letting off some steam. I'm blown away at the standard you and she are holding yo…
/r/Divorce_Men24/10/25 04:35 AM
7

Getting through this is a win. Just keep going day by day. You don't need to impress anyone. Your world just fell apart. Surviving is enough.
/r/Divorce_Men23/10/25 04:33 PM
1

No tats. I just take a breath now and then and revel at how easy different parts of life are now.
/r/Divorce_Men23/10/25 03:00 AM
5

This. Focus on the parts of the divorce that matter. You and him can talk in a few years. It might affect his medical care down the road but right now, is a low priority
/r/Divorce_Men22/10/25 12:22 PM
2

Are you two mean to each other at this point? If there's still some kindness between you two, you can be honest and tell her that you want to make her happy but you're starting to understand that you can't. And since you both can't fix it, your considering ending the relationship. You will see your kids less but you can treat them the way you know is right without being undermined an the time. Mine have grown to be kind and respectful with my actual boundaries. I have to remind them every visit …
/r/Divorce_Men22/10/25 12:05 PM
1

I have no idea. Some countries don't have extradition treaties with other countries. What's dragging it out so much and what does your lawyer say about it? By the way, over here it's against the law for a lawyer to assist in a crime but I think they are allowed to answer theoretical questions about how the law works.
/r/Divorce_Men18/10/25 12:16 AM
6

Yup. It's a thing. Representation matters.
/r/Divorce_Men17/10/25 04:19 PM
2

Where in NY? it's a county by county sorta thing
/r/Divorce_Men14/10/25 12:59 AM
1

I'm glad that worked for you but AI"s routinely make stuff up. They are less trustworthy than random websites. I like to ask myself "who do I sue if this information is wrong?" when I'm deciding how much to trust something.
/r/Divorce_Men12/10/25 08:27 AM
1

I always wondered in high school why the Jews didn't move out of Germany. I kinda get it now. Where exactly is the line when it's reasonable to abandon your stuff and friends to stay alive and free?
/r/Divorce_Men11/10/25 06:52 PM
1

Her cheating on you is far worse than anything you have done. You could be raising another man's kids for 20-30 years. Looking through her phone is basically nothing in comparison. You offered to end things peacefully. They said they were not interested in peace. With the videos, you have the ability to prove to her family that she cheated. If they want to attack you you could make them pay. About her moving on quickly, in some ways, relationships are like jobs for women. How long would you wait…
/r/Divorce_Men11/10/25 04:42 PM
1

It doesn't have to be all or nothing. It might be enough for her to be over a border in an apartment for three years or something. Do you own or rent? Are you close to America's hat?
/r/Divorce_Men11/10/25 11:27 AM
1

It's not about respecting them. It's about acting professionally in a way that would not be objectionable to a grumpy cop who was responding to a domestic violence call.
/r/Divorce_Men10/10/25 12:08 PM
1

This actually helped me a bit. I'm ya free years post divorce and I'm struggling with the idea of dating because it send like there's no way to do it right. And yeah, it's just that I expect a woman to find any crack and use it to hurt me. I've been trying to figure out how to be perfect enough to qualify and it's the wrong approach. You're probably right, they want to be upset and it's not about me at all.
/r/Divorce_Men26/09/25 11:39 AM
1

You missed the part about the kids having their own cells
/r/Divorce_Men19/09/25 12:24 PM
6

Which is an improvement over my old sex life
/r/Divorce_Men19/09/25 01:09 AM
9

You can only talk to your kid on the pedo app? Wtf?
/r/Divorce_Men17/09/25 10:37 PM
2

I don't disagree with you at all
/r/Divorce_Men13/09/25 06:44 PM
3

If she is, he's not good enough to move in with 'cause she hasn't moved
/r/Divorce_Men13/09/25 05:35 PM
22

I hear ya but I don't want this sub to change from supporting men to hating women.
/r/Divorce_Men05/09/25 12:34 AM
10

First one, I don't know honestly. I don't miss the ice cold bed. I do miss having her around to talk to about stupid life stuff. I sometimes wish she could see our kid more. But I see how she's living and I'm glad I don't have to be part of that. Second one, I'm glad to have her gone. It's a red flag when you relax and feel like yourself when your partner isn't around btw. I could never do enough for that woman.
/r/Divorce_Men04/09/25 11:16 AM
5

Some day I will understand the advice to "feel my feelings" or "sit with the pain." When I try it it trends towards a toaster bath. What works for me is thinking/saying "Suck it up. No one cares. Move on."
/r/Divorce_Men30/08/25 09:19 PM
8

Yeah, can we have one tiny space that's not about women?
/r/Divorce_Men29/08/25 02:53 AM
4

Ya only lose like half or 3/4 of your stuff. And everyone's parents mess 'em up. :)
/r/Divorce_Men28/08/25 09:15 PM
1

What's in the note? I wrote a note which was "reasons to stay away from x" in case I forgot. Life is complicated and stuff ebbs and flows. It's been years and I'm still thinking about my ex's, what I did wrong and what they did wrong. That being said, I'm done having discussions about the purity of my thoughts and intentions. If you were asking me what the true meaning of my journal entries were, I'd give ya the boot. Ya ever go to a family function and everyone is going "we've been together for…
/r/Divorce_Men28/08/25 06:38 PM
3

I feel called out! :) You make a good point.
/r/PurplePillDebate28/08/25 02:44 AM
5

This! If you're so good at communicating, freaking tell me when it feels good! I swear, half the skill of satisfying women is reading their faces without them noticing that you're looking.
/r/PurplePillDebate28/08/25 02:43 AM
1

If you've made up your mind, why are you talking about it? I imagine it's because you're curious and you love learning. If someone said that Germany's actions were evil without knowing what those actions were, that opinion would not have much value. To answer your question above though, my biggest men's rights issue is just viewing myself as less than 110% of the the problem in a relationship or in the world. Other folks talk about suicide rates, a general loss of access to their kids after divo…
/r/PurplePillDebate25/08/25 02:52 PM
1

It sounds like you're hearing about the manosphere rather than exploring it and using your own judgement. I enjoy the dadvocate and Emily King. Though I have to stop listening sometimes because the women they critique are so negative that they mess up my view of reality.
/r/PurplePillDebate25/08/25 02:32 PM
2

In support of this point, I'm a pretty caring guy and can listen to someone's problems for a couple hours. But that's a once a month thing. My ex would dump problems on me as soon as I walked in the door and not stop until she went to sleep. Everyday. I managed for a while but daaamn.
/r/PurplePillDebate25/08/25 02:27 PM
14

Apparently I suddenly developed a bunch of psych problems and relationship shortcomings after my ex got on TikTok. Or maybe there are a lot of content creators who get paid by making people angry at their partners.
/r/Divorce_Men23/08/25 03:49 PM
1

Yeah, she's definitely changed her mind
/r/Divorce_Men17/08/25 02:10 PM
2

Yeah. When I was grumpy I vibed with that idea but now I'm thinking, "there's a reason I'm divorced too"
/r/Divorce_Men17/08/25 02:08 PM
2

??? What solutions did he offer? I had to re-read it and I'm still confused
/r/Divorce_Men17/08/25 02:06 PM
7

If you don't tell the police, it never happened. And the next time is the first time
/r/Divorce_Men11/08/25 02:18 AM
6

Mindsets: "oh, that's why representation matters" "oh, that what privilege feels like leaving me body." "Oh, that's why court rooms are built like riot-proof bunkers" How do I keep going? One damn day at a time. Stranger says I shouldn't see my kids: one day at a time. Lawyer more interested in billing than in helping? Gotta move to the bad neighborhood so you don't live in your car? Can't get to the hospital for your injured kid? Ex who promised the kids would have your name now wants to change…
/r/Divorce_Men10/08/25 11:45 PM
13

My vibe after divorce is very different than who I was before marriage. It used to be that I would bend over backwards for my partner. Now though... Do I really need to work that hard for a dead bedroom and the duty to give you half my money?
/r/Divorce_Men08/08/25 04:54 PM
2

So some research about: child custody laws in your state, child support, alimony/spousal support, and cheap places to live. After five years divorced from a decent woman who had become a room mate, I sometimes wish we had just become roommates in separate rooms so that we could both see our kid every day.
/r/Divorce_Men08/08/25 03:32 PM
2

This. They are now that shitty coworker from a different department that you still need to work with. They don't need to know anything about your life or your views on non-work topics.
/r/Divorce_Men08/08/25 02:08 PM
4

Hey she called the guys with the guns to handle you and you didn't get killed this time. No big deal right? You can file. Talk to a lawyer and oh what's the phrase.... Look up silver bullet divorce
/r/Divorce_Men03/08/25 08:02 AM
3

Do you have kids? Don't make kids with someone you don't completely trust Boundaries aren't rules other people obey. They are lines that cause you to act. Like if you saw someone beating a helpless person in public, you'd act. That's a boundary. If you divorce and you don't have kids, you can go back to where you know people. If you want to stay where you are, go do fun stuff with other people and make some friends. Either way though, you can call your old friends or your family. Who ever you us…
/r/Divorce_Men02/08/25 07:50 AM
2

It's easier for a spouse to visit ya in the hospital if you're married and the staff are a-holes
/r/Divorce_Men30/07/25 04:05 AM
7

I did. My ex just got more and more distant to the point where I couldn't scratch her back without her shrugging away. We tried couples counseling which wasn't useful. I could have just let the clock run out on the relationship and gotten a high score in terms of number of years but I decided that it was okay to want something for myself. I still think about restarting that relationship just to take care of her. I'm almost willing to do it for the almost nothing if get in return.
/r/Divorce_Men23/07/25 12:35 AM
3

I think it's worth mentioning to his own attorneys that she seems to be trying to run up the legal costs.
/r/Divorce_Men22/07/25 01:16 AM
2

It doesn't think or have values or experience. It might be useful is it gives references/links. But there was a case where a lawyer used AI. It made up court cases to reference.
/r/Divorce_Men21/07/25 07:39 PM
6

AI is just predictive text on steroids. It is not intelligence. It's just making strings on words that people might type. Entertain yourself with it but don't trust it.
/r/Divorce_Men21/07/25 07:25 PM
1

I think all my GAL did was sit in on the 10 minutes we had an front of the judge.
/r/Divorce_Men20/07/25 11:40 AM
2

Thank you for presenting so many options!
/r/Divorce_Men17/07/25 04:36 PM
5

I did the one year wait thing then went out to an event just to prove to myself that women aren't all evil. I pulled a smoking hot narcissist who f'd me up even more! It's been like 15 months since the end of that and I'm not sure if I want to try again.
/r/Divorce_Men17/07/25 11:10 AM
1

6-ish years old. My ex has aunts and uncles there.
/r/Divorce_Men17/07/25 12:44 AM
2

The reason I hesitate about the passports is that it's my only chance to meaningfully protect my kids from getting pulled out of the country in violation of the court decision.
/r/Divorce_Men16/07/25 11:40 PM
2

Yeah, that's the fun part. She can register them as dual citizens.
/r/Divorce_Men16/07/25 08:48 PM
1

I give her about 95% chance that she wouldn't keep the kids away from me. But that's not a gamble I like at all. I buckle my kids up for the 1 in 10,000 chance that we get in an accident.
/r/Divorce_Men16/07/25 07:59 PM
2

What the heck?? I think your plan makes sense. With the way she's playing it, you've got to play hard too. Don't try to cut her out, it looks bad and kids need both their parents. I'd ask for primary and child support. Even if you don't get the child support, it's a chip to barter with. How much time has your ex doesn't with you daughter since you separated? Were there overnights?
/r/Divorce_Men15/07/25 04:58 PM
5

It seems like several of the other sub reddits you posted this AI content on have deleted it already.
/r/Divorce_Men14/07/25 09:45 PM
3

Do it up!
/r/Divorce_Men13/07/25 12:34 AM
1

I'm not saying it's good or bad, just that it's important to get the contract right.
/r/Divorce_Men12/07/25 08:23 PM
2

$2670 x 12 x 10 years is $320,000 So you're in that range just on child support. I don't have the price tags on the rest but I could guess it would double that price tag. You're dealing with big money. Get a pro.
/r/Divorce_Men12/07/25 08:07 PM
3

Are you trying to write a quarter to half million dollar contract on your own to save $10k in lawyer advice?
/r/Divorce_Men12/07/25 07:40 PM
6

One day at a time. Just keeping doing what you need to do to stay alive. And reach out to your old friends or your family
/r/Divorce_Men11/07/25 11:38 PM
2

I'd say that it meets expectations rather than that it makes sense. :)
/r/Divorce_Men11/07/25 11:26 PM
3

Yup. This is abuse. You would be in jail if you did half of this.
/r/Divorce_Men11/07/25 10:29 PM
2

The digital helmet link is good stuff. I'd add continuous audio recording but I like it.
/r/Divorce_Men11/07/25 10:28 PM
3

Some guys move out and let the mom have the kids 99% of the time. If a judge looks at that during the custody decision, it's hard to say that you're not okay with a situation that you've been living with for months. Glad you get your kids a bunch though!
/r/Divorce_Men04/07/25 09:55 PM
1

Hey man, what precedent are you setting for time with your kids. When a judge says "keep doing this" will you be doing what you want to be doing for twenty years?
/r/Divorce_Men04/07/25 08:24 PM
9

Realizing that things are ten times worse than she's telling you. Recognizing when your are not being listened to in an argument and that it doesn't matter what you say.
/r/Divorce_Men03/07/25 12:00 PM
4

Who are you? What AI are you using for your post? It feels like Google's Gemini. Is that right?
/r/Divorce_Men03/07/25 11:41 AM
1

This
/r/Divorce_Men03/07/25 11:04 AM
4

How much are we talking? $20? $2000?
/r/Divorce_Men01/07/25 11:53 AM
4

I think he's saying that he would rather be stabbed than treated the way his ex treated him. It kinda sounds like there may have been emotional abuse. I remember wishing she would just punch me
/r/Divorce_Men01/07/25 12:15 AM
7

Yup! I have had almost the same experience. My ex didn't accuse me like that but it still took a long time to think of women as anything but dangerous. For a while I would look at women, enjoy their appearance for a second, then think "if I dated and married her, that glance would still be the best part of the whole thing." Then it got worse and I started pretending they didn't exist at all. I thought a woman was hitting on me once and I had to nope out of the restaurant. The guy hosting the eve…
/r/Divorce_Men30/06/25 09:49 PM
3

Yes, get a lawyer before you file. Get ready for an emotional rollercoaster full of self doubt. Who can you lean on during this? Don't leave the house or the kids until you have to. It would show that you don't want to be part of their life and that you totally trust her to raise them. You can both lawyer up and spend $15k+ each or you can get a shared mediator for $3k-ish. I did that because as much as I didn't want to live with her, she wasn't a bad person. I would rather have given her the $3…
/r/Divorce_Men29/06/25 10:24 AM
1

What would you recommend to help him get through the divorce process?
/r/Divorce_Men26/06/25 08:54 PM
1

Thank you! My bad
/r/Divorce_Men26/06/25 08:54 PM
2

You rock. And yeah, that's more or less what I was concerned about. I was blaming it for messing up my life so maybe it was messing up yours too. It's so freaking hard to chase someone new after getting burned. I empathize with the women who they to date after being SA'd. How the heck do ya trust people again?
/r/Divorce_Men26/06/25 02:11 PM
2

Crushing people is not the way.
/r/Divorce_Men26/06/25 02:08 PM
1

You need a better job. What are you doing that only pulls in $12k a year? You have done a bunch of predicting about what will happen and come up with two possibilities, stay and never see you kid. Relax for an hour and think about other options.
/r/Divorce_Men26/06/25 02:07 PM
1

What kind of content are you consuming?
/r/Divorce_Men26/06/25 12:18 PM
1

There are online calculators for child support and alimony. You can get a decent vibe for that expense. It sounds like you've been trying to make it work. Have you done enough to limit your regrets? Not that anything can be perfect, but will you be able to tell yourself "I tried to fix it"? Is her housekeeping bad enough that a mom-biased government employee would say that kids aren't safe/hygienic there? Is she in counseling or is it you? She will likely be expected by the court to get a job. T…
/r/Divorce_Men24/06/25 11:57 AM
13

I read your bio... so, why would someone Want to date you? no offense, but you only talk about what you don't want and what you're not.
/r/Divorce_Men22/06/25 01:43 PM
2

That is an interesting point. Violating the agreement with regards to visitation isn't a crime so how does that document control the new partner? OP mentions a "joke of a restraining order" so it might be that
/r/Divorce_Men22/06/25 11:34 AM
9

Every person is an individual. I'm friends with one ex and the other ex gave me panic attacks for a couple years. Hugs
/r/Divorce_Men22/06/25 11:30 AM
2

Talking to someone who had gone through it helped a bunch. He warned me about the rollercoaster of doubt and certainty. I had emergency people to call if the dark ever got too bad. Just, time with friends
/r/Divorce_Men21/06/25 11:20 AM
12

Because we're only allowed to see our kids when it's good for Mom's schedule. I don't get them when I want them and I get blasted on Facebook when I don't support my ex's vacation plans. I'm only allowed to step up as a dad when she feels like it. Going through court and being told what's best for my kids by an untrained guardian ad litum who never met my kids is a strong, strong memory. I learned a lot that day about why some people make very bad decisions.
/r/Divorce_Men19/06/25 09:44 PM
1

What are ya into? Do you want to paint minis? Lift weights? Knit? Build models? Binge tv shows? Cook new dishes? Bake bread? Walk the neighborhood? Bicycle? Do some martial arts? Home improvement? Woodworking? Learn to weld? Learn to code? 3d modeling? Practice guitar?
/r/Divorce_Men19/06/25 11:04 AM
1

The way you wrote down your reason for divorce makes it sound like things aren't that bad. I don't know your situation of course but if things are repairable, I'd counsel repairing them. That being said, in a divorce you start leading separate lives. In that effort, half of the marital assets go to you, half go to her. It doesn't matter who earned them, just that they were earned during the marriage. That frustrated me because she was a spender and I saved. So she spent half or more of our money…
/r/Divorce_Men19/06/25 10:56 AM
3

Yeah. She did some shitty stuff. The marriage is over. What can you hope for in terms of her paying a price? There's no law about loving people. She was shitty then she left. That happened. You can't change that part. What do you want your life to look like starting where you are today? I'm sorry man. You've been through a hard time. That sucks.
/r/Divorce_Men18/06/25 08:59 AM
3

I refused to let her into my place even once. Told her to go pee at the gas station. My home is the place I don't get yelled at. Sometimes I do a chore and just take a breath and chill about the fact that some stupid little 10 minute job is done and I didn't have to hear any complaints about how or when I did it.
/r/Divorce_Men10/06/25 04:34 AM
1

It's not so much that she's moving on quickly. She thought about it a bunch before she told you She was 90% through moving on before she told you she wanted a divorce. She's got a big head start in processing this. She is on the outside again. She's not the person you feel for. You need to think of her as a stranger or a coworker. Be professional and polite but no more than that. It's not your job to get her places or make sure she does stuff. She unsubscribed from that help. And then ya feel st…
/r/Divorce_Men09/06/25 12:22 PM
1

Is she the waitress or another customer? Compliments are rare. Buying meals is super rare. Women show interest by making time to be around ya. Does she start conversations with you?
/r/Divorce_Men09/06/25 10:53 AM
1

I'm sorry you're going through this. As a dad who no longer gets to see my kids everyday, it hurt like the biggest, most important failure of my life. In the divorce, I got daily calls with them. It hurt basically everyday for years to call them and be reminded that I can't hug them. It was insanely difficult to call them every time and I did not succeed every time. It would be easier and less painful to stop talking to them. Add in my own internal challenges not related to parenting and I under…
/r/Divorce_Men09/06/25 12:04 AM
1

I spoke to a geeky friend and he recommended signing the entries cryptographically
/r/Divorce_Men08/06/25 11:05 PM
4

I don't know what to tell my kids about marriage. Do I tell the boy to never marry and the girl to marry? For myself, I don't talk to women in a way that could lead to more anymore. I installed the apps but I just can't make myself start a profile.
/r/Divorce_Men07/06/25 06:34 PM
12

Don't sign stuff without a lawyer. Where I live both spouses have a claim to half of any gain acquired during the marriage. So half the money in the bank, half the retirement money, half the value of the house. So this is like a $100,000 issue. Take some time and get some advice. since she has paperwork already, she had spent money on a lawyer of her own and you need a lawyer also. $10k isn't a crazy number for that. As the lower earning spouse you might qualify for alimony or spousal support ch…
/r/Divorce_Men04/06/25 09:11 PM
5

Are you hearing that in person or from people trying to get clicks online?
/r/Divorce_Men03/06/25 08:55 PM
5

It sounds like you have $400k in marital assets in retirement money. Half of that is $200k so yeah 50 to her makes sense. Did either of you start your 401k before the marriage and so ya have receipts? It would be wise for her to roll over the amount into her account. They'll want a copy of the divorce decree/decision and a form from their website. If the money never touches either of your hands in the transfer, there shouldn't be taxes.
/r/Divorce_Men02/06/25 09:29 PM
0

As a bonus, the few days I get to see the kids, I'm actually allowed to be a dad. It feels like I get more and better time with them now. I still wish I could tUck them in every night but... The peace is golden
/r/Divorce_Men02/06/25 02:24 PM
1

That is not an easy thing to do in a marriage but I agree that is the path. I'll say that even child support is less money than my ex used to spend!
/r/Divorce_Men02/06/25 01:45 PM
1

Well, is there anything stressful going on in your life that you aren't accustomed to dealing with? :) Your brain is working overtime to understand a newly scary world. It took me several weeks to sort out that my nightmares about kids drowning was because for the first time, I didn't have anyone to watch the dry kids if I had to dive in after one kid. After I understood that, I could solve it.
/r/Divorce_Men01/06/25 08:05 PM
6

It hurts every time mine say that. I set limits for my kids and they aren't used to it. I've had tears and "I want Mommy" over no third cup of chocolate milk, turning off the TV.... But this weekend I helped my youngest through the reality that ya don't always win checkers especially when it's the first time ya play. So I know I'm giving them stuff they need for life. They need their mom but they also need their dad. You got this.
/r/Divorce_Men01/06/25 10:54 AM
2

Damn it. He needs therapy and he likely doesn't have the means to get it. It's worth asking about sliding pay scales. I have no idea about the court thing. I suspect it really is that bad.
/r/Divorce_Men01/06/25 12:17 AM
1

I don't think the court will recognize the debt but it's with putting in the negotiation. You might be able to keep some more of what you saved instead of getting a check. Like if you had $100k in your retirement, she might agree to only getting $35 or $40 of it. That way she's still winning a little bit. Sigh
/r/Divorce_Men31/05/25 12:26 PM
1

I've never understood who pays to maintain a Blockchain and how they get paid.
/r/Divorce_Men30/05/25 04:17 PM
2

I wonder how auditable the record would be. I have no idea how to prove on court that my database data is a true log of events.
/r/Divorce_Men29/05/25 02:06 AM
11

You got this. Divorce isn't bad. Divorce is the recognition and the end of a bad time.
/r/Divorce_Men27/05/25 01:11 PM
2

I mean, one ex is still kinda "my person." We talk about life stuff and we're kind to each other. We're not particularly compatible as partners but we're friends again. The other ex was emotionally abusive but now we're professional with each other. One day she told me she wasn't my enemy so in her mind everything is fine. I didn't throw fuel on the fire but I remember the things she said and the panic attacks I had for a couple years after the break up.
/r/Divorce_Men25/05/25 11:59 AM
5

You said you're done with her and she's shopping for a new partner. It is what it is. You don't get a vote in her romantic life after you break up with her. It sucks that the legal stuff takes so much time, effort, and money.
/r/Divorce_Men25/05/25 11:45 AM
3

Soooo, you've got a therapist, right? And you've talked to a lawyer about the criminal allegations? It sounds like you're living inside a freaking blender.
/r/Divorce_Men20/05/25 11:08 AM
3

Yeah, after a break up you notice that like half of media is love songs and love stories. And yeah, I had to peace-out of a hangout once because an interesting woman started telling me that she shared some hobbies with me.
/r/Divorce_Men19/05/25 04:43 PM
1

People project a fair amount, it may be that she's thought about running away with the kid. Since your the bad person in her eyes, she could be concerned that you would do that. (Grain of salt: I don't know her at all ) It's totally fine for you to keep being an active, involved parent who takes their kids to do things. You can choose to communicate about it as a kindness to someone you used to love.
/r/Divorce_Men19/05/25 07:08 AM
3

There is sometime magical about being alone
/r/Divorce_Men17/05/25 01:48 PM
4

Have you ever used a bad gps that gives you instructions too late? Like you get an instruction to exit at mile marker 123 but you're already at mile marker 124? Sometimes women communicate like that about how bad things are in a relationship. For example "I think I want a divorce" can mean "I have another guy lined up and he's okay with me moving in."
/r/Divorce_Men17/05/25 01:18 PM
3

Uhhh.... More like I decided that I was worthless. The things she didn't like combined with the things I think I did wrong. I'm on my 3rd therapist and this one's actually helping me get better. DBT for the win!
/r/Divorce_Men17/05/25 01:00 AM
3

I wandered a bit too far down the "what did I do wrong" road and it was a bit messed up
/r/Divorce_Men17/05/25 12:46 AM
7

You can write stuff down in a journal. Don't forget that you aren't the only one who was imperfect.
/r/Divorce_Men16/05/25 11:22 PM
1

Divorce made me feel helpless as a child for a while. It's stressful and unknown and you don't have previous experience with it. And there are very powerful government actors outside your control too. It makes sense to have nightmares
/r/Divorce_Men15/05/25 09:50 PM
9

Being with a woman gives you a halo to other women. When a woman leaves a man, many women will see that as a 1 star review,, like if you got fired from your last job. So, don't lie about it but have a lesson or two that you learned that you will do better next time.
/r/Divorce_Men15/05/25 12:36 PM
4

Yeah, you don't have to be angry that she's moving on. Cheating is a fine reason for divorce but you can choose to be okay with what she's doing.
/r/Divorce_Men15/05/25 12:33 PM
1

I went to the park and watched people go by from a shady spot. It helped me think about how the angry guys commenting on judgemental women are not telling the whole story. But, every time it's a struggle to reach out and make plans with friends
/r/Divorce_Men14/05/25 04:30 PM
4

My ex wife argued that 4 hours per week counted as having a job. She wasn't technically wrong but ...
/r/Divorce_Men10/05/25 05:20 PM
14

You forgot the expectation that you be there for them and not work too much. :)
/r/Divorce_Men10/05/25 05:16 PM
3

I think that it's entirely possible that the therapists he worked with were not useful to him.
/r/Divorce_Men07/05/25 02:44 PM
1

This process is an emotional roller coaster with ups and downs. I'm really scared for his mental health based on "You'll be okay, you've got this." If you want to, you could identify a counselor/therapist for him but it's not your job.
/r/Divorce_Men04/05/25 11:22 PM
6

Kindness And the ability to disagree but still love I'm a little tempted to for the Scout Law in my next partner. "A scout is trustworthy, loyal, helpful..."
/r/Divorce_Men03/05/25 12:18 AM
5

You need to be able to prove that you paid her every time. Checks leave a paper trail that she got the money.
/r/Divorce_Men30/04/25 08:32 PM
5

Yeah, I've squeezed a bunch of lemons and the juice isn't worth the squeeze. Best I got was the lazy woman who was there for me emotionally for a while. These days, watching the videos of what women want, I just can't keep up. And I don't want to argue about chores and life all the time.
/r/Divorce_Men30/04/25 12:05 PM
12

I take time to just realize that I'm enough. I made my bed, I'm enough. I vacuumed, I'm enough. I'm walking through my new place, no arguments, no criticisms. I just take a breath and enjoy the quiet. As for how to want to date again... That's an ongoing project for me.
/r/Divorce_Men29/04/25 11:37 PM
2

Keep a copy of screen shot on your phone. She'll be nice to you a couple times, especially when she finds out that she needs to go back to work.
/r/Divorce_Men26/04/25 12:10 PM
3

It's normal for your desire for divorce to fluctuate up and down. In order to get through this, you need to decide and stick to it. You have a list of reasons to come back to.
/r/Divorce_Men26/04/25 12:04 PM
1

One communicates politely to get one's point across more effectively. You don't have to but it can help change people's minds.
/r/Divorce_Men22/04/25 03:22 PM
9

I understand what you're trying to say but I bet your tone and accusation make it illegible to OP. OP, Sensitve is pointing out that she told you what she was able to give you, which is sex without commitment. You pushed for more and she bolted because you pushed for more than she could give. You can't convince a woman (person) that you respect their boundaries (no contact) by pushing their boundaries (contacting them). Sorry bro, you screwed this pooch. Better luck next time. BTW, I totally get…
/r/Divorce_Men22/04/25 04:16 AM
1

Useful and dangerous. The AI's are generating text that is typical considering the conversation but they don't understand anything. That being said, I've had some really good talks with them that helped me through some stuff.
/r/Divorce_Men15/04/25 01:41 PM
8

Don't get paid in ways that you can't replicate for 20 years. Any money you pay taxes on will affect your child support. If someone wants to pay you in pizza and beer, sure. But don't work your tail off in your spare time. Especially consider if you want to be forced to keep doing extra hours instead of seeing your kid(s). If you bump up your income with overtime or side gigs, that's the new basis of your support duties.
/r/Divorce_Men12/04/25 01:26 PM
12

I'm struggling with the manosphere stuff. It seems like the only place that supports men but i've started to notice that it was also the only place showing me sh*tty women. It's nice to have someone on your side when things are bad but now that I'm out of the legal stuff (for now), I'm finding it hard to be interested in a relationship again. As for the laws, I haven't seen anything. I don't like the result of no fault divorce but I can't support trapping people in abusive or just bad marriages …
/r/Divorce_Men09/04/25 02:03 AM
9

yeah, this post felt like it had an agenda
/r/Divorce_Men30/03/25 10:07 AM
5

If she says that you are the best man ever and have no flaws, that could be the love bombing phase of a narcissist.
/r/Divorce_Men21/03/25 09:56 PM
4

Whatcha got for podcast recommendations?
/r/Divorce_Men21/03/25 09:53 PM
3

What are you trying to gain? You know she manipulates via text message. Trust yourself and protect yourself.
/r/Divorce_Men15/03/25 08:04 AM
1

She had her own place and still got you kicked out of your place??
/r/Divorce_Men14/03/25 04:13 PM
1

One of the most popular definitions of domestic violence points the finger at men in all cases.
/r/Divorce_Men14/03/25 04:07 PM
1

That is a big project. People say that it's just policy for some police departments that the guy goes to jail for DV calls. I don't know if that's true.
/r/Divorce_Men14/03/25 11:41 AM
1

I didn't see anything announcing it, I just noticed it one day
/r/Divorce_Men14/03/25 12:49 AM
1

yeah, I'm curious what happens if a man calls that hotline. Does he get support or no?
/r/Divorce_Men13/03/25 09:20 PM
3

Dammmn. Glad you're safe and have some peace now. Did you hear that bible verse about it being better to live in the corner of an attic than to live with ... a nagging? wife?
/r/Divorce_Men13/03/25 09:19 PM
3

I still don't know what "processing" is. I've googled, I've asked people, I've asked therapists...
/r/Divorce_Men18/02/25 02:35 AM
3

I agree, let her be someone else's problem
/r/Divorce_Men16/02/25 07:50 PM
2

I hate being the only one who says "no" to my kids. But they're getting better at hearing it over the years. Every freaking weekend I have to move them from saying "I want x" to "Can I have x please?" But you and I are getting them ready for life because we love the heck out of the little munchkins. I was talking to my therapist about being a bad dad and she tells me that the standard is showing up and trying day after day. I'm doing that. You're doing that. I'm painfully aware of how many ways …
/r/Divorce_Men12/02/25 01:47 AM
2

How's it getting worse? I'm feeling like there's no way to heal but I can look around my quiet apartment and think about all the bad stuff that I'm not experiencing. When I do the dishes or the laundry, I think about how it's no big deal. When I vacuum I think "she was right this job does need doing. I'm glad I don't have to hear her making a big deal about it." Sometimes I just take a deep breath and go "I haven't been wrong in months." My mistakes just fade away now, never to be brought up aga…
/r/Divorce_Men11/02/25 11:16 PM
4

wanted to cry today but I just laid on the kitchen floor until my ramen noodles were ready.
/r/Divorce_Men08/02/25 03:36 AM
2

I wouldn't get into what it should cover. I'd look at what the law requires and pay based on that. Consider the fun of paying $10k to have a judge decide the amount
/r/Divorce_Men07/02/25 10:59 PM
1

Hahaha that's funny
/r/Divorce_Men07/02/25 10:49 PM
3

Apparently there are different kinds of depression. There's like "your life objectively sucks" depression and there's "your brain is working wrong" depression. Dude, your life sucks. What would you pay to just get to neutral? To go through the whole day without being wrong? Divorce sucks but it's the end of a bad time. It's with rejoicing when then bad time ends.
/r/Divorce_Men05/02/25 01:12 PM
3

Iunno about the 50/50. I worked 40 hours, she worked 4. Second time, she spent all of her money and got half of what I saved.
/r/Divorce_Men04/02/25 12:05 AM
6

I enjoy looking at the shape of women but when I think about talking to one, I imagine the arguments we'd have and suddenly I have other things to do.
/r/Divorce_Men31/01/25 03:01 PM
2

I vote bail. She's trying to destroy you in person and in reputation warfare. Has she caused you to speak to your support people less? Are you never quite good enough? Is she great one day and bag the next and you didn't know what you're going to get? The accusation of narcissism feels like projection. Research narcissism and.... Codependence. Narc is more cut and dried. Codependence is a squishy concept without clear boundaries. I'm sorry you're going through this.
/r/Divorce_Men30/01/25 05:17 AM
1

This part sucks but when you get away you can rejoice that you are away from this person
/r/Divorce_Men22/01/25 12:56 AM
1

Yeah, that. If she's a bad but non-lethal mom, you choice is basically suffer with the kids or leave them to suffer alone. But I'm not in a good place right now so grain of salt.
/r/Divorce_Men19/01/25 03:40 PM
1

It's state by state. (Edit: never mind. Whoops. Reading is hard --It sounds like you didn't have any actual bio kids with her. Is that right?--) When you say "we got custody" did that specifically include you in the paperwork? Splitting the family assets is likely in a divorce. You may have to pay some spousal support. You would likely owe child support, I don't know but a lawyer would.
/r/Divorce_Men18/01/25 06:05 PM
1

You pay child support if you don't get the kids (most of the time). Laws differ according to which state you get divorced in. You might not get divorced, I guess. In NY, she only gets to split the money you save while you're together. And long marriages can have brief alimony/ spousal support even without kids. I guess I'd ask how she expects you to change after the wedding then double it and decide if you're up for that. You can get a pre-nuptial agreement from a lawyer. People disagree about w…
/r/Divorce_Men18/01/25 12:52 AM
2

Yeah, but when you know how much the squeeze is, the juice seems less interesting.
/r/Divorce_Men13/01/25 04:41 AM
1

yeah, after my divorces, I can't recommend breaking things up early. I like being a single dad but it does come with costs and pain.
/r/Divorce_Men31/12/24 02:26 AM
3

Don't just down vote folks, explain
/r/Divorce_Men29/12/24 01:20 PM
2

Yeah, sometimes I just revel in not being yelled at
/r/Divorce_Men16/12/24 08:13 PM
3

Acronyms, slowing down comprehension for over a hundred years
/r/Divorce_Men16/12/24 07:56 PM
7

Oh, that's because humans are social animals who thrive when supported by other humans. That's why we crave companionship.
/r/Divorce_Men16/12/24 07:54 PM
2

One yes, one no. It's all about the kindness. One was sad that it didn't work out and disliked me quietly (fair enough). The other was angry and yelled at me endlessly for months until we moved into separate housing. Now I have dinner together with the first ex and our daughter sometimes. Second ex isn't allowed to spend time around that daughter and isn't allowed in my space because I consider her an abuser.
/r/Divorce_Men01/12/24 05:54 PM
1

Yeah, I'm feeling like scum too. Even though I broke up with some of my partners. Like, why the f do I feel bad that I'm not with the narcissist anymore?
/r/Divorce_Men28/11/24 02:25 PM
10

It can be hard but you have to let her go. Move on. Someone who isn't right for you is doing stuff with people. Billions of people who aren't right for you are doing stuff. This is just one of those people now. That's not a reflection on you.
/r/Divorce_Men28/11/24 01:17 AM
2

I follow my ex so I can see pictures of my kids
/r/Divorce_Men27/11/24 02:01 PM
17

I've been thinking about something similar. "broken, jaded man with kids sometimes. Deeply imperfect but not willing to be yelled at anymore. If you can't love me as I am, you can't love me at all. Seeks kinky partner who doesn't need to eat at restaurants every day or every week. Disney princesses need not apply. Marriage only available if you have a similar wage and your own 401k." Edit: That felt good to write out.
/r/Divorce_Men27/11/24 01:56 PM
0

This trait of men is literally why there are humans in the world today. If guys didn't chase, the species would go extinct.
/r/Divorce_Men27/11/24 01:49 PM
3

Which is fine. It's good if the people who are wrong for you don't match with ya.
/r/Divorce_Men27/11/24 01:48 PM
1

She may be motivated to stay married because she doesn't have a backup plan yet.
/r/Divorce_Men24/11/24 05:59 AM
4

She can be angry. That's fine. You can't explain it and you can't fix it. Imagine yourself as a grey rock. Let the words wash over you without effecting you. Be polite but don't engage your emotions with your wife. She is no longer your person. You can feel a little bad about what you did but only enough to not do that stuff again while you're in a relationship.
/r/Divorce_Men24/11/24 05:53 AM
5

So AI generated "Men Strong Women Submit"?
/r/Divorce_Men18/11/24 06:00 PM
1

It matters where the kid is though. If he leaves the kid, he's endorsing their care of it. I think. I am not a lawyer
/r/Divorce_Men06/11/24 12:17 PM
5

I would comment that she never forgave me for anything. She explained that she refused to forget my fallings so that she could identify patterns. Result: she remembered every mistake I ever made and works bring up like... Yeah, a Rolodex
/r/Divorce_Men24/10/24 12:53 AM
9

What else is going on in your relationship besides her looks? Do you two have conversations?
/r/Divorce_Men20/10/24 09:09 PM
9

Please don't tell people how they feel
/r/Divorce_Men13/10/24 04:20 PM
6

Yeah, she's not moving faster because her next guy isn't ready for her yet.
/r/Divorce_Men29/09/24 07:42 AM
1

Moving out without your kids shoes the city that you trust her with them and that you don't want them. Yes can't leave early.
/r/Divorce_Men29/09/24 07:41 AM
3

Makes sense. Don't let your guard down until you feel safe.
/r/Divorce_Men29/09/24 07:39 AM
9

That's a great question. Among my closest friends we're at like 70% divorced. A bit more then half remarried into something content and stable
/r/Divorce_Men29/09/24 06:51 AM
12

Yeah, something about the endless stream of people saying husbands are just children affected our relationship
/r/Divorce_Men22/09/24 05:20 PM
5

This sounds like she heard something from a third party about what your said and she's grumpy about it
/r/Divorce_Men22/09/24 05:13 PM
1

It's really hard but it has some great moments, not the least of which is not being around your ex. Reach out to some people you're close to. Shit is about to get really hard and having people to talk to helps a lot. I had to get a lot better at planning and parenting. Prepping for visits feels like prepping for a mission or a fight. Everything in it's place, plan and backup plan ready. Leaning on friends to help watch them at the playground with me helped too. The kids stayed alive and I kind o…
/r/Divorce_Men09/09/24 11:08 AM
2

I like that you're looking for other opinions. I'm a big fan of that too. On the topic of women not knowing how to date women, consider the advice "just be yourself." I for one had to do a lot of learning and changing to attract women. Being myself wasn't useful at all.
/r/Divorce_Men09/09/24 10:53 AM
4

But think of your poor assets growing away with no one to spend them! Won't you be happier giving half your stuff away again?
/r/Divorce_Men02/09/24 02:28 AM
1

Can I stay at your place and have you pay my bills if I cry too?
/r/Divorce_Men22/08/24 05:20 PM
1

Blaming feminism is starting to feel like when they blame The Patriarchy. Like, even if it's true, what does the label get us?
/r/Divorce_Men27/07/24 09:50 PM
7

Her mom dated people to get stuff from them. A mountain bike here, a kayak there... My ex got the kids she wanted then bailed
/r/Divorce_Men26/07/24 06:30 PM
5

In NYS, there's a whole list of ways they punish ya for not paying. Lose your hunting and fishing licenses, lose your driver's license (you can work without transportation, right?), I think the can take away work licenses... It was a while list designed to annoy or cripple the man's ability to live and work
/r/Divorce_Men11/07/24 02:54 AM
1

It's very unlikely anyone has all of those diagnosis' but it doesn't matter. There no protecting assets. There is peace afterwards though. It comes long after the anger though
/r/Divorce_Men08/07/24 11:30 PM
3

There's not a lot of value in personal attacks on grumpy folk. Dude has had some experiences. I don't want to go where he went but honestly, I get it.
/r/Divorce_Men04/07/24 08:39 PM
3

Coping: I get freaking sad and start attacking myself then I get over it because stuff needs to get done. Booze delays the pain which isn't nothing. Letting the sun shine on me and moving my body actually help. And friends. Let someone know that you are going through something really hard. And frankly, coming on here to encourage the next guy helps too. Telling folks: you get to decide what each person needs to know. "My kids are with my ex most of the time." is plenty of information for acquain…
/r/Divorce_Men03/07/24 08:11 PM
1

Hi! Nice to meet you! I didn't want to stay with my last gf and I could not identify why exactly. It turned out that she was a narc who wanted everything to be about her. All I could say was that I didn't want to be with her forever. I couldn't figure out why. She was amazing in many ways. That ex called the police for our post breakup exchange of stuff. She wanted them to force their way into my place so she could search my place for stupid little things that she lost at my place like a hairbru…
/r/Divorce_Men28/06/24 09:00 PM
1

And that's our world in a nutshell. Trust your gut and think about it. Go be alone and in motion like a hike or a drive. What are you afraid of? And trust yourself even if your can't put it in words.
/r/Divorce_Men27/06/24 07:31 PM
2

And even if it is the right person today, will we change into people who hate each other in five or ten years?
/r/Divorce_Men18/06/24 12:18 AM
2

I like cooking. It makes me happy now that I'm alone
/r/Divorce_Men15/06/24 01:45 PM
7

Honestly, a slow breath and the realization that i don't have to be criticized was the biggest thing for me
/r/Divorce_Men15/06/24 01:39 PM
11

Offer the kids a home but not the lady who needs a place to stay for a few months while she finds the next guy.
/r/Divorce_Men15/06/24 10:04 AM
5

Yeah, I get that a little. I think my ex wanted a few years of growth out of me in a couple months. And I don't want to be around someone like that. Even though we had good times
/r/Divorce_Men02/06/24 09:14 PM
2

I love this question Watsky: Strong as an Oak - this one helped me get through the budget change of sending my food money off so that my kids could go to Disney without me. Watsky: Sloppy Seconds - I've always been the sort to love people "warts and all" so I liked this song before. One day I was singing along and caught my reflection in the mirror. I realized that as f'ed up as I am, I can still love me. "The song of Hammerdeep" - the male voices remind me that being a guy is okay and that rela…
/r/Divorce_Men02/06/24 12:46 AM
2

In NY paid around $3,000. But different state. Ask a divorce lawyer's office what their retainer is and double or triple that for comparison.
/r/Divorce_Men27/05/24 11:39 PM
3

You might not need to leave for days. With how busy we are, how much we pack into each day, it might be enough to sit outside in the dark for an hour alone. Skip your normal evening once and just be alone for a bit. Also, look into the grey rock method. It's just a vibe but I feel like you're giving her too much energy.
/r/Divorce_Men20/05/24 11:05 AM
1

Ya only got control of you.
/r/Divorce_Men19/05/24 09:51 PM
8

If it's not an emergency, it can wait while you enjoy your limited time with your daughter
/r/Divorce_Men19/05/24 09:40 PM
3

She's planning to go into debt for the college expenses. I'm the only sibling in my family to divorce. But my brothers both have shitty, dead relationships where they're chatting with other women. So, I give myself credit for acknowledging that things are f'ed. Louie CK has some great things to say about divorce. Among them is that you don't need to be sad about divorce. Divorce is the end of a bad relationship. So it's the thing that happens before stuff starts going right. On the other hand, i…
/r/Divorce_Men19/05/24 09:29 PM
2

How cheaply can she get health insurance through you? A smile and not insulting you? That's pretty manageable while she sets up her next relationship.
/r/Divorce_Men05/05/24 10:06 AM
3

She gets the half she spent whole you're together and half of what you saved. 3/4 for her
/r/Divorce_Men23/03/24 06:00 PM
6

What if she nitpicked you a bunch? :)
/r/Divorce_Men05/03/24 11:51 PM
5

Sounds like you have some good trauma coming in the future.
/r/Divorce_Men25/02/24 02:55 PM
5

... right now. She feels that way right now
/r/Divorce_Men11/02/24 10:42 PM
17

She might be feeling uncertain and insecure about her future right now. Folks can 'love " someone for a year to get their rent paid.
/r/Divorce_Men04/02/24 12:38 PM
3

Go for a walk and look at the water
/r/Divorce_Men03/02/24 04:25 AM
23

It's called social violence. It's the female equivalent of giving you a beat down except you don't know it's happening, your life just gets harder.
/r/Divorce_Men28/01/24 09:45 PM
3

I want to hope that this woman and I will work out better than my last two choices. Thank you for commenting
/r/Divorce_Men27/01/24 10:10 PM
4

My concern, like others here I think, is that she waited until it was too late to tell you. People change course like oil tankers and she may want you to change course like a race car. Even if she can wait a month or three, how fast can you change a dozen habits? And it's she giving you the full list of shit she wants you to change?
/r/Divorce_Men08/12/23 07:31 PM
7

Yeah, I'm working on just accepting that my ex and kids are going to Disney a few times a year while I can afford to take them out for hotdogs about once a month. My mistake for thinking that she would love me for more than the one month it took to get pregnant.
/r/Divorce_Men03/12/23 06:57 PM
12

Grey Rock on the outside and laugh at the guys dealing with her issues on the inside.
/r/Divorce_Men02/12/23 06:06 AM
1

This is my struggle as I deal with my next partner. What promise can anyone make that means a bleeping thing? I mean, I can promise to make her richer when she's bored. 🤷
/r/Divorce_Men12/11/23 08:27 PM
2

Thank you. I struggle with valuing my presence in my kids lives. This was good to read.
/r/Divorce_Men08/11/23 02:44 PM
3

I found a serious catch after my ex bailed on me.
/r/Divorce_Men08/11/23 02:41 PM
0

Do you get to see her still? Shoot me a message if you need to talk. We've all been through this and talking helps a little bit
/r/Divorce_Men08/11/23 02:38 PM
4

My gf is mind blown that I don't believe in women committing. Sorry, sweetie, there is no promise you can make about or relationship that I would trust a human to keep.
/r/Divorce_Men06/11/23 06:40 PM
2

I'm thinking something more like saying "research divorce for men" as opposed to threatening murder. Lol
/r/Divorce_Men24/10/23 10:02 PM
5

yeah they are! Gotta move to the next step on the escalator. And then at some point, the next step is divorce and start over.
/r/Divorce_Men24/10/23 03:06 AM
0

groooooan
/r/Divorce_Men24/10/23 03:04 AM
5

I'm really enjoying this video. EDIT: I can recommend that interview too. That was excellent
/r/Divorce_Men24/10/23 02:35 AM
2

That sounds like it could go either way on everything. In NY, everything you gain during the marriage gets split up. She keeps what she spent and gets half what you saved.
/r/Divorce_Men22/10/23 09:42 AM
2

If he abused you, don't go back. You don't need to talk to him. Sorry but we can't know what he's thinking or going through.
/r/Divorce_Men22/10/23 09:36 AM
1

I think I'm better off knowing how good single life is.
/r/Divorce_Men19/10/23 10:02 PM
5

You are remembering who she was. It's like being in love with Anakin in the New Hope. "Vader betrayed and murdered your father." Which is a very geeky way of saying, "Don't forget that your ex is not the same person as the one you fell in love with."
/r/Divorce_Men08/10/23 05:49 PM
2

Right now it's about surviving. You've got things under control so nice job. Give yourself some time to adjust to this new life. At some point, you will find some joy in being alone. Take a deep breath and heal
/r/Divorce_Men08/10/23 01:39 AM
1

I got depressed because I couldn't do anything fun or see any of my friends.
/r/Divorce_Men22/09/23 01:36 PM
23

The person who decides to divorce gets a big head start on processing. She didn't tell you about it until she had wrapped her head around it and had a plan and likely a new guy. She did all that behind your back so that you couldn't fix things. Where you are mentally is totally reasonable. I don't know you so I can only talk about what helped me. I made a point to talk to and see friends who were just mine. Doesn't matter how old the friend is, reach out. Therapy and an emergency-call friend kep…
/r/Divorce_Men22/09/23 01:21 PM
3

That is some petty BS, cancelling the kids doctors appointments. I might not tell her about the appointment next time to be honest. Even if that involves a different doctor who doesn't know about the ex.
/r/Divorce_Men22/09/23 01:09 PM
3

I don't know Texas law. Lots of lawyer websites have useful articles though. I don't think you can do much too protect yourself financially. You can set aside some money to spend on lawyers and give her half of later. Anything she spends is hers. Half of what you save is hers. That being said. Look into meditation. You can give your stbx $10k instead of giving it to the lawyer. If you can wrap your head around that.
/r/Divorce_Men21/09/23 12:38 AM
2

Oh, the women have different rules. My ex didn't file the "You'll go to jail if you don't file this" income form. The judge just scheduled another date to give her time.
/r/Divorce_Men08/09/23 09:48 PM
5

My house my bed. She can piss off.
/r/Divorce_Men06/09/23 10:22 AM
4

I mean yeah but it's also clear communication
/r/Divorce_Men04/09/23 12:43 PM
0

It's difficult to warm someone up when they slap your hand or shrug away when you touch her for any reason.
/r/Divorce_Men04/09/23 11:14 AM
5

This is an experiment I wish I had done.
/r/Divorce_Men04/09/23 11:10 AM
3

Talk to friends. Ask for help getting into therapy. It's a challenge to do the foot work when you're down
/r/Divorce_Men01/09/23 12:32 AM
3

Iunno, I always have a new job before I quit my old job. Relationships are like jobs to women.
/r/Divorce_Men24/07/23 12:42 PM
13

It's a big decision and she's wavering. She'll go back and forth several times during the process. Her reasons for breaking up will still be there though. You can do your best, change everything about yourself and she'll still go back to the breakup. It's not about you. It's about her wanting to roll the dice again.
/r/Divorce_Men22/07/23 03:22 PM
13

Isn't it amazing how easy life is without shitty people around? Hold on brother
/r/Divorce_Men18/07/23 12:34 AM
5

Reach out to your old friends. You might be surprised how many are happy to hear from you and want to support you.
/r/Divorce_Men18/07/23 12:32 AM
1

Do not move out of the house. That would show that you trust her to raise your kid and that you don't want to be involved in the kid's life. Look into digital audio recorders and how legal they are. Many women's lawyers advise them to make abuse accusations so the can get temporary restraining orders. This requires no evidence. Having a continuous audio recording might help you defend against an allegation of abuse. Don't get a recorder that cuts out silence. You want to be able to show that you…
/r/Divorce_Men08/07/23 02:32 PM
1

I wonder what happens if she moves to a different state and then divorces
/r/Divorce_Men02/07/23 10:59 PM
3

Meh. Psych disorders are rare. They're popular to talk about but not everyone's ex's can be narcissists.
/r/Divorce_Men30/06/23 08:03 PM
1

I mean, do you want to be in your kids lives? If ya do, stay around in their lives. She can move out to the couch.
/r/Divorce_Men30/06/23 07:49 PM
2

Meh, I did that. I paid her about the same to go away as we saved in insurance premiums
/r/Divorce_Men30/06/23 07:44 PM
6

Iunno, fifty/fifty odds of first divorce and losing half my assets and my ability to trust didn't seem like the best gamble.
/r/Divorce_Men30/06/23 07:43 PM
2

I mean, there are plenty of married men who are ghosts too. You can be lonely af in a relationship
/r/Divorce_Men30/06/23 07:41 PM
1

Hmmm, where can we find stats for percent of unhappy marriages...
/r/Divorce_Men30/06/23 07:38 PM
16

In support of the last point, there's a thing call anhedonia. It's a mf'er. It's a depression thing where your brain decides that things aren't fun before you do them. So you never try anything and you can never have any fun. Knowing about anhedonia, you can decide to try stuff without expecting it to be fun. Sometimes your depressed brain will be right, other times you'll find some joy. Secondly, don't compare yourself to where she is now. Don't forget that she has had months more than you have…
/r/Divorce_Men26/06/23 04:26 PM
2

On the "don't leave your dwelling", I agree. I've heard that it shows that you trust your partner to take care of the kids and it makes it harder to keep them. What do you want? Do you want the kids missy of the time? Do you want child support? The house? Talk to lawyers, read the side bar here, look for podcasts. Basically, start the research project. And yeah, don't give her time to prep a counter attack. You can choose how nice you are willing to be but you can't choose how mean she is willin…
/r/Divorce_Men25/06/23 03:36 AM
3

Great day today with the kids. Only issue today was my new partner. Why am I trying again?
/r/Divorce_Men19/06/23 12:28 AM
1

I agree
/r/Divorce_Men13/06/23 05:40 PM
-9

It's 80-ish percent of divorces are initiated by women, not 80-ish percent of women initiate divorce. 0.50 x 0.78 = 0.39 so 39% of first marriages end because the woman wants out.
/r/Divorce_Men12/06/23 01:11 AM
12

Watch out for "common law marriages" in your state
/r/Divorce_Men12/06/23 01:08 AM
3

Spend a second to realize that you haven't been wrong in a while. I mean, sure you've made mistakes but they were no big deal and no one brought it up. You can spend your time how you like. You can have hobbies again.
/r/Divorce_Men11/06/23 02:57 PM
3

What is your goal? Is she safe for the kids? Do you want 100% custody? Primary custody? Visits?
/r/Divorce_Men09/06/23 02:28 PM
2

say, "Nah, you take it. It's comfy." and if she pushes go "I don't think I'd pay $200 for that. I can find something on craiglist."
/r/Divorce_Men07/06/23 01:33 PM
1

If she's up for actually going to counseling, you could do the leg work to get her signed up for it. I have depression and getting started with therapy is almost impossible when you're down. That being said, it's not your responsibility to fix her or stay with her forever
/r/Divorce_Men05/06/23 10:01 PM
7

Oh, I forgot about "oh, I was just about to do that." Really? Nothing for three days? And I did the work ten seconds before you planned to start? Really?
/r/Divorce_Men04/06/23 01:54 AM
14

Yeah mine pulled "I do all the child care." She also scheduled things so it wasn't possible for me to help. In an hind sight, I think she was practicing solo parenting before she pulled the trigger. I came out of my office to have lunch with them at noon once. Suddenly the kids started getting hungry at 11:30, then 11.
/r/Divorce_Men03/06/23 07:42 PM
1

I know people whose marriages are shit. They hate every day of their lives. They're still racking up a good high score on number of years married but they aren't good years. I stood up and acknowledged that the marriage was bad and did something about it. I could have stayed and hated coming home every day. I could have gotten a higher score but it was costing me my ability to hope. So I guess I feel like I was brave enough to stop loving a bad life rather then feeling like a failure.
/r/Divorce_Men02/06/23 08:19 AM
2

A little bit of regret, yeah. But waking through my apartment feels free on a way that our house never did. Zero bull shit was real, real nice for a while.
/r/Divorce_Men02/06/23 08:13 AM
1

Don't the services ground you if you're going through a divorce? Edit: on the bitterness, it is there sometimes. When my kids don't want to talk to me for a single second on the phone some nights... But on here, maybe I can help a guy get a little bit less screwed over by a very biased system. Or just live to see another day.
/r/Divorce_Men01/06/23 08:16 PM
4

Well, did she communicate with you in a way that worked for you?
/r/Divorce_Men24/05/23 12:21 AM
1

"different responsibility levels" hahaha
/r/Divorce_Men16/05/23 12:10 PM
1

Did that one study say that men get the cleaning done in ten minutes and it took the women forty? :D
/r/Divorce_Men13/05/23 12:55 PM
3

Thanks for writing this. I gotta think some thinking to do
/r/Divorce_Men13/05/23 12:11 PM
1

Also, make a new account that your ex doesn't know the name of.
/r/Divorce_Men09/05/23 11:13 AM
2

I remind myself that she's using the new guys money instead of mine. :)
/r/Divorce_Men07/05/23 03:14 PM
7

Don't worry too much about how she's living or how stable that is, is my opinion. The kids have a good place at yours. If the new person doesn't work out, your stbx will find someone else to provide her a home. Edit: you'd want the divorce agreement to withstand her failure so she can't come back to you
/r/Divorce_Men07/05/23 02:57 PM
2

Yeah but it's worth asking if she'd rather split the$20k instead of giving it to a lawyer
/r/Divorce_Men07/05/23 11:44 AM
1

Iunno, if you don't ride out the clock in a bad relationship, you won't be able to brag about your high score of "number of years married." I mean, it's likely to improve your score on "number of years happy or content" but who cares about that?
/r/Divorce_Men06/05/23 11:27 PM
5

I never had a good reason to keep my ex out. I just did it for my mental health. My home is the place that woman has never yelled at me. It's really vindicating that so many others have the same boundary.
/r/Divorce_Men05/05/23 11:43 AM
1

If you and her are amicable, look into divorce meditation. You pay one lawyer which will save you thousands and thousands. $3,000 vs $13,000 for me.
/r/Divorce_Men04/05/23 11:31 PM
3

Don't forget that you're probably dating in your own age range. Most forty year old women aren't looking that perfect either
/r/Divorce_Men04/05/23 11:26 PM
4

I mean, I like free porn but onlyfans seems cheaper than the money I paid my ex's to go away.
/r/Divorce_Men01/05/23 05:29 PM
1

Dumb question but why not just get it pumped?
/r/Divorce_Men01/05/23 12:13 PM
2

Keep telling yourself the you are making the pain stop. A divorce isn't a bad thing. It's the end of a bad thing, the end of an unhealthy relationship.
/r/Divorce_Men30/04/23 12:52 PM
3

Dude. It is awesome. To walk into your home and have peace. To put things where you want them and have them be there when you want them. To just walk through my space and not be wrong. I'm snuggling my hot, amazing, younger woman as I write this and I'm honestly wondering if I want to risk losing the chill, no-problem life that I have to move in together. She's great but to the thought of losing my peace... Anyway, it's fucking great to be out of bad relationships. Yeah, there' loneliness but th…
/r/Divorce_Men30/04/23 12:49 PM
2

So you are the type of man who tries really, really hard to make things work? Walk tall my friend. Not many people do that. But still, it's good to have limits.
/r/Divorce_Men27/04/23 08:00 PM
2

It's okay to remember the good parts and have doubts. Also though, remember that you made a careful decision to divorce her. You had good reasons for that. You decided that the few good things were not enough to balance all the bad stuff. Trust that version off yourself. Have you reached out to your friends?
/r/Divorce_Men27/04/23 07:09 PM
2

The problem with keeping your half is that it's not "ours" until the divorce is done. $100 comes in, you keep $50, I get $50. I spend my $50. Then when we divorce, I get half of your $50. Cool hunh? $75 for me because I spend faster then you.
/r/Divorce_Men27/04/23 07:04 PM
3

Hahaha! She doesn't want to feel guilty for choosing to crush her life partner. (Sarcasm) That must be soooo hard for her. (End) What the f?
/r/Divorce_Men27/04/23 07:00 PM
13

If you think she knows your account name, I'd recommend making a new account. She doesn't need to know what you are up to, who you're talking to, or what you're reading. Your feelings totally make sense. I didn't feel specifically unlovable. Rather I felt like I was part of Men so therefore unlovable. Apart from that, yeah, me too. The new guy is ten percent the man I am but he simps better. :Shrug: it hurt to "lose" her to him but at least I don't have to deal with her any more.
/r/Divorce_Men27/04/23 06:54 PM
4

I'm dating a 27yro and I'm older than you. In some ways it's awesome. In other ways... She can be very idealistic about relationships. I think that if I dated someone my own age she would be more okay with flaws. But I made up that expectation without actually dating someone my age.
/r/Divorce_Men27/04/23 09:19 AM
1

Hahaha... cries
/r/Divorce_Men25/04/23 11:34 AM
5

I'm not a lawyer. You should talk to your lawyer very soon. I think you need evidence for your accusations to stick. Get a voice recorder that records non stop. Keep it in your pocket and upload the results to a file storage site you pay for, like Google drive or something. Check your laws. Consider whether you would accept any recording punishments to avoid jail for abuse. Don't move out. Keep doing things with the kids.
/r/Divorce_Men23/04/23 11:21 AM
1

Good post. But get a continuous recorder. You want to be able to show that you were calm at any random time she accuses you off being crazy or abusive. 7:21 calm. 3:33 calm
/r/Divorce_Men22/04/23 08:12 AM
1

It's not that you were not heard! You said what you need and she heard you. The divorce process is a roller coaster. There will be days that you feel like it's a mistake. Be ready to stick to your decision. She might be good for a day or a month to buy some time or change your mind.
/r/Divorce_Men21/04/23 04:23 PM
19

You are giving your kids a lot. Let this go too. It will cost more to fight about than it's worth, right? I don't say this because it's fair. It's not. I say this because letting go of this shit gets you closer to healed.
/r/Divorce_Men16/04/23 12:23 PM
1

That's cool if they are friendly and agree with you
/r/Divorce_Men10/04/23 03:34 PM
2

I kept mine in my pants pocket and it worked fine for it's purpose.
/r/Divorce_Men10/04/23 12:31 PM
2

Sometimes the police want to take the recording with them and they have a way of getting what they want.
/r/Divorce_Men10/04/23 12:30 PM
1

It gets easier. I've been there to. Lower your expectations of yourself to just surviving. Build from there in what ever direction you think is right. You have been injured and recovering will take months to years. The fact that no one can see a cast or stitches doesn't make the injury less real.
/r/Divorce_Men08/04/23 03:19 AM
0

Down voting the guilt trip. I like your other points though
/r/Divorce_Men08/04/23 03:15 AM
2

8 hours? Bleh! Still you tried. Are there allegations or evidence of abuse from either side? The 5-5-2-2 thing sounds a lot like 50/50. If things go that way, you're likely to get 50% of holidays and 50% of medical decisions. In my divorces, they were quick to give 50/50 "legal custody" which I think includes medical decisions. Legal custody doesn't seem to mean shit. Time with kids is the thing that matters as far as I can tell.
/r/Divorce_Men07/04/23 11:51 AM
3

It's definitely worth picking holidays you care about and having a list. What don't you like about the 5-5-2-2 thing? Is that you get 5 days with kids, she gets 5... (gee it would have been nice if my g.d. lawyer had mentioned that as a f'ing option.) What parenting decisions are you thinking about? And lastly, the judge isn't really the person who sorts shit out. Either you and stbx do that with a mediator ($3,000) or your lawyers do that for you ($15,000 x2). Then the judge blesses it or modif…
/r/Divorce_Men07/04/23 11:26 AM
4

I'm confused. You've got the kids 60% of the time and you want to reduce that?
/r/Divorce_Men07/04/23 11:17 AM
2

At some point I thought, "wait a minute, all women can't be the same. There's too much variation between humans for that to be true." But also, it's good to step back from the "all women are perfect and must be kept happy" bs that was my life. And mgtow and redpill do that
/r/Divorce_Men07/04/23 11:05 AM
5

When you are out of emergency mode and seeing women as individual people again, it will come back. I got so bitter that I firmly believed that the buzz of seeing an attractive woman walking on the sidewalk was as good as a relationship could ever get. I thought it was all downhill from there so why bother? A year of living alone let me heal a bunch. I watched plenty of grumpy men videos but as I felt better, their messages seemed more incorrect. It's a messy process with no roadmap. This part of…
/r/Divorce_Men06/04/23 03:51 PM
1

Tell us more? Are you fighting through lawyers (which the kid won't see)? Have you gone to court yet? Kids need dads. The time before court is a really good time to fight to be in your kid's life. Don't be mean but put in the effort to be allowed to teach your kid what you know about life. You are valuable and your kid will be better off with you in his life.
/r/Divorce_Men06/04/23 10:35 AM
1

In NYS, I was told that the judge can overrule us. Also 50/50 legal custody means absolutely nothing as far as I can tell. The parent who gets 50% + 1 night of sleepovers is the one who gets support, if they want it. But I'm not a lawyer
/r/Divorce_Men02/04/23 10:08 PM
2

"Women hide their awfulness to get what they want." This. I have a lovely son because she was nice for a couple months. It's cool to see him for two weekends a month at least.
/r/Divorce_Men02/04/23 09:53 AM
3

Don't work a second job if divorce is on the table. Your are demonstrating that you can pull in more money. When the judge decides how much you need to pay in child support, they use your earnings. So you are effectively requiring yourself to work two jobs after the divorce. Good luck seeing your kids while working two jobs. Also, with your wife not working you get to pay alimony (spousal support) most likely. And that is based on your income. You get punished at divorce time for letting you par…
/r/Divorce_Men02/04/23 09:43 AM
5

You want continuous recording, not voice activated. You need evidence that you were not raging at her all the time. Every time I started it stopped a recording, I would say the date and time out loud. That way it would be very easy to say I was calm at any random time she could have accused me. It's cool when you end up not needing it. My second ex found out that I was recording. She stopped yelling at me after that. :D life was better right away. Not as good as being single but better.
/r/Divorce_Men02/04/23 09:28 AM
3

Are there kids involved? Can the guy be amicable with the stbx? Avoiding a court case with politeness can be cheap.
/r/Divorce_Men28/03/23 11:45 AM
1

I think they made their own forum website
/r/Divorce_Men25/03/23 06:24 PM
1

Stay the course when the rollercoaster ride gets good. There will be a few days when you and her click and divorce seems like a bad idea. You made a well thought out choice based on lots of evidence. A good day here it there is no reason to mistrust your judgement.
/r/Divorce_Men23/03/23 11:43 AM
7

Oh I almost forgot about the bs "I was in the mood in yesterday but I didn't tell you"
/r/Divorce_Men23/03/23 11:37 AM
2

Cool. Sorry not in Canada. Covid took all my people hobbies so I got Depression then my partner left.
/r/Divorce_Men21/03/23 06:47 AM
10

Are you saying that you are a month after the end of a six year relationship? Give it time. It's okay to be jaded and wary. It's okay to be alone. You will be able to pull women again when you are ready. Would you agree that you wouldn't be a good partner right now? Are you healed and ready to trust someone again?
/r/Divorce_Men20/03/23 06:48 AM
1

I never understood that half the population can get a job worth of income just buy saying "I love you" until it was too late
/r/Divorce_Men14/03/23 09:39 AM
2

My boy pulled a tea kettle into himself at her place. It was a two hour drive to go see him. The drive distance changes how much you get to see them a bunch.
/r/Divorce_Men13/03/23 09:10 AM
1

I would not expect to vacation with an ex. It's okay to expect less than half the assets but don't open with that in the negotiation. It was good of her to stay when you were in jail/prison. How was your relationship back then? What would it take for you to feel like you repaid her inaction? Have you already put in your time? My divorces sucked but... it is kind of magical to be single. There are hard days. The are lonely days. But ... there is an easy peace to life.
/r/Divorce_Men05/03/23 07:30 AM
1

I'm more of a co-ed hobbies kinda guy. There are a bunch of little groups doing kinda interesting things in most urban areas. Stop by and try it even if it doesn't seem amazing. One has to step back from being an entertainment consumer and critic. Like the photography club isn't going to be as fun as an amusement park but it will be easy easier to make friends at. A friend found someone interesting at a LARP. Contra dancing was full of fun people. Being face to face with people works. They spend…
/r/Divorce_Men27/02/23 12:50 PM
2

Go do things you enjoy in a club with women. People want to hang out with people who are having fun.
/r/Divorce_Men26/02/23 09:42 AM
1

Check the reviews on google maps for lawyers at the bare minimum. "you have a good case" my ass
/r/Divorce_Men25/02/23 08:51 PM
1

I'm 18 months out from the big day. Life is better than I imagined it could be. I don't post because I'm not looking for help. The kids cry when the go back to mom's sometimes. I don't want them to suffer but I'm not going to lie, it does make me feel like I'm doing something right. That's so different than when their mom was around undercutting everything I ever said. I'm less stressed and I'm a better parent now. And my new partner :chef's kiss:
/r/Divorce_Men25/02/23 08:49 PM
5

This pain will fade slowly. The anger...it takes longer. You have been served a shit sandwich and it's dinner time. I'm sorry that you are going through this. You have done hard things in the past. You can get through this. Dm me if you like too. We've all been through this and we know how shitty the mental health services are.
/r/Divorce_Men25/02/23 12:01 AM
3

yeah, she needs to deal with her shit on her own now.
/r/Divorce_Men22/02/23 01:42 AM
6

She needs a new "love income" to replace the money she's not getting for you. If you quit or got fired, you'd hustle to replace that income too. I wish someone had told me that my saying "I love you" was like hiring someone to do whatever she felt like and that her saying "I love you" was like getting a job doing nothing/whatever.
/r/Divorce_Men20/02/23 02:18 PM
8

She would not have left her home if she didn't have a lease on a new home. :( It sucks. It's wrong. but that's the way lots of people work.
/r/Divorce_Men16/02/23 02:26 AM
2

That's a long way to drive when your kid is in the emergency room. That wasn't a fun day.
/r/Divorce_Men15/02/23 09:07 PM
1

Assume your internet-connected devices are compromised and buy new ones if you can afford it. Change your passwords from a device they could not have touched Log in to your router and understand what devices are connected to it. Change the wifi password and the router admin password, again from a new device. I'm concerned about "keyloggers" And as others have said, keep being Dad. Starting the annoying process to get a counselor is a good idea. It takes a couple months and can make a huge differ…
/r/Divorce_Men13/02/23 11:07 AM
13

This and taking a moment now and then to go "Wow that was easy and fun. I like not having to deal with her shit anymore." It took a whole year for me to get to a decent place. There were a lot of little things that I needed to wrap my head around.
/r/Divorce_Men13/02/23 10:55 AM
6

Ohh, he has a history of learning to be violent!
/r/Divorce_Men07/02/23 07:53 AM
3

Does the lawyer think that a judge would agree to it? Mine said that it wasn't fair enough, the judge could change it without our consent. I'm guessing that you are not asking for child support. That would be a good reason for the difference in asset division. Maybe there's a clause in your agreement like this: "in consideration of husbands willingness to waive a claim of child support totalling $300,000, wife is waiving her claim to $xxx worth of joint assets"
/r/Divorce_Men05/02/23 01:02 PM
2

I can see you are destroyed by this betrayal. Can I ask why you didn't move your stuff out? You gotta keep living even when your whole world turns to absolute shit.
/r/Divorce_Men02/02/23 12:54 PM
1

If you're working from home, your home could be in a state whose divorce laws are less bad.
/r/Divorce_Men02/02/23 12:45 PM
3

Egg collection sucks to go through. I get that. She was promising through lawyers to not ask for support. I didn't want one of my kids to be the one that "daddy didn't love." Daddy pays for your siblings but not you. Daddy has your siblings over but not you... She's got a new guy. Before the breakup, she swore up and down that he was nothing to be jealous of. They can make their own baby.
/r/Divorce_Men31/01/23 12:08 PM
3

Oh Yeah. It has not been easy to adjust to having a good partner. And it's really odd to be with someone who is interested in giving.
/r/Divorce_Men31/01/23 02:09 AM
11

Take PTO to watch the kids so she and new guy can go on vacation without them. Apparently failing to do this means I never think of the kids. To use a fertilized embryo with my DNA.
/r/Divorce_Men31/01/23 02:03 AM
1

This. Judges seem to be big fans of not changing anything that someone else can be blamed for.
/r/Divorce_Men21/01/23 06:09 AM
1

This, and read the reviews
/r/Divorce_Men20/01/23 01:14 PM
1

$5000 retainer here. Ended up dropping $13,000
/r/Divorce_Men20/01/23 01:13 PM
9

If you care for her and trust her, I would start by talking to her about what you want out of life and what you want to change. Maybe that happens with a counselor. For me, I wanted to know that I did what I could to make things work.
/r/Divorce_Men08/01/23 01:28 PM
1

It adds complexity to the situation. It makes your financial situation less flexible. You pay closing costs that you aren't likely to recover since there's not much time for the property to appreciate. And it feels dishonest to enter into a long-term contract with someone you want out of your life.
/r/Divorce_Men05/01/23 02:43 PM
11

Don't buy real estate when you're discussing divorce
/r/Divorce_Men05/01/23 03:20 AM
1

That's so cool! I called EAP through work once. Not useful at all
/r/Divorce_Men04/01/23 12:27 AM
5

Uhoh, someone hit someone, the man is an abuser. (Source Wikipedia) Does your god want suffering or is he done with that? Did you put in enough effort into fixing things that you will be able to say to yourself that you tried to make it work?
/r/Divorce_Men01/01/23 12:00 PM
1

Is that a real thing? Do they talk to you or is it like 911 where they can come arrest you or tell you to make an appointment someplace?
/r/Divorce_Men31/12/22 11:31 PM
3

:) Imagine that woman you're angry at staying vaguely quiet for a quarter of an hour.
/r/Divorce_Men31/12/22 11:29 PM
23

We express our feelings quietly to people we trust after an hour or so of mostly silence. And if it gets used against us in an argument, the tap gets turned off.
/r/Divorce_Men31/12/22 01:44 PM
3

Hehehe
/r/Divorce_Men31/12/22 01:40 PM
1

I'd need more deets but if it still hurts all the time, you haven't moved on
/r/Divorce_Men29/12/22 01:30 PM
1

Maybe in her mind you're a Dangerous Man and she feels safer this way?
/r/Divorce_Men29/12/22 02:07 AM
3

Pulling people off your beneficiaries list can require their signed acknowledgement. :(
/r/Divorce_Men14/12/22 12:27 AM
1

If she didn't make the call for... Iunno 6 months? You could maybe file to get it removed. I call my kids every night that they're with their mom
/r/Divorce_Men12/12/22 05:37 AM
9

This. From the kids point of view, they can talk to Mom and that helps them feel loved. For the ex, of she fails to call enough, she could lose the right. Hugs for you though. That sounds super annoying. I hope that as they get older you will get more time with them
/r/Divorce_Men11/12/22 09:01 PM
3

What the bleep? Why would someone do that?
/r/Divorce_Men07/12/22 12:57 PM
2

I can not risk letting my ex know about anything that harmed me or could harm me.
/r/Divorce_Men24/11/22 04:10 PM
1

I have my daughter and she sees mom on the weekends. They are super close and daughter gets excited on mom night. She loves her time with mom. It's not the same as living together, it's not 50/50 but it's pretty good.
/r/Divorce_Men22/11/22 11:59 AM
1

One day at a time. You get better at it in tiny ways that add up. Do you have anyone you can call for brain support at least?
/r/Divorce_Men22/11/22 11:41 AM
6

How does that explain what happens with same sex couples?
/r/Divorce_Men04/11/22 11:04 AM
2

I'd say loudly "you'll see momma tomorrow. This is the daddy time right now." Also, fuck the other parents and their expectations. You're not hurting your kid, you're putting in effort to be in your kid's life so they can grow up more resilient.
/r/Divorce_Men29/10/22 01:05 PM
1

So she's okay with passing on 50% of what $20,000? and gets $1000 per month for 15 years?
/r/Divorce_Men19/10/22 08:34 PM
4

A what now?
/r/Divorce_Men13/10/22 10:29 PM
6

It takes a while to fade significantly. I just celebrated one year away from my controlling ex and it's not all the way gone. That being said, it's freaking amazing to walk into my small apartment where nothing bad has never happened to me. No one has yelled at me or nitpicked me there. It feels safe and awesome to be on my own and only dealing with my own tiny issues.
/r/Divorce_Men12/10/22 04:36 PM
2

How so? if you don't mind sharing
/r/Divorce_Men28/09/22 10:51 PM
4

I did but when I said I would never send money for any reason, they stopped talking to me.
/r/Divorce_Men26/09/22 07:42 PM
5

you know your situation best
/r/Divorce_Men25/09/22 10:29 AM
27

Divorce is totally an option! She does not get to decide if you can take steps to care for you. Be prepared for her to be suddenly great if you start working on the divorce. It's easy to be a good person for a month to get you to change your mind. My ex was an angel when she was getting pregnant. She changed a bunch when I was done giving her kids.
/r/Divorce_Men25/09/22 08:43 AM
1

She is your enemy. Her judgements are not allowed into your head anymore. Just like that asshole at work that you can't get completely away from, expect her to horrible and don't let it in. You can be professional in what comes out of your mouth.
/r/Divorce_Men20/09/22 05:48 PM
6

That f'ing sucks man. That's really horrible
/r/Divorce_Men07/09/22 12:09 AM
4

Suggest starting with the most common division that a judge would do. If the law says 50/50 start there. Remind them that you don't need to negotiate unless they make it worth your while to be there.
/r/Divorce_Men26/08/22 12:21 PM
2

That's a lawyer question. It seems like if you have a signed agreement before court that the judge would support it. Maybe your lawyer could talk about her delays. Court shit is slow. It was like 6 months for the paperwork to go through our mediated divorce with everything agreed on.
/r/Divorce_Men25/08/22 05:04 PM
1

Having a separate device that you can hand to an officer is great. They might remember to return it in a year or two. I'd rather hand over a $50 device than my phone as evidence.
/r/Divorce_Men19/08/22 02:51 AM
3

Do you have a voice recorder living in your pocket yet? One that records everything, even the silence? It sure would be handy to have evidence that you were chillin' with a video game at the exact time she said you were hitting her or yelling at her.
/r/Divorce_Men18/08/22 03:36 PM
5

I hear ya on loneliness. I have local friends but it's hard to reach out. Have you gone to a show lately?
/r/Divorce_Men14/08/22 09:42 PM
2

For some people, the fact that she hit you is evidence that you hit her. You are in physical and legal danger.
/r/Divorce_Men14/08/22 08:50 AM
3

New York too She get's to pick what she needs and I would get to pay most of it because I took the steps to earn more.
/r/Divorce_Men13/08/22 09:06 AM
3

Why aren't you rushing to get hurt so bad that you barely survive? Think of all the ways that you're imperfect that no one is pointing out. You could have someone spending all your money behind your back. But more seriously, I don't know what it would take for me to open up again. Sometimes it seems imposible to find someone I'd be attracted to, trust, and get support from. Other times I feel like I'd date anyone that'd have me.
/r/Divorce_Men13/08/22 09:00 AM
2

I was told that I "had a great case." That turned into me getting nothing at all out of the litigation. Not one second of extra time with my kids. And it made my ex angry so she sued for child support.
/r/Divorce_Men03/08/22 03:06 PM
1

Don't have any more kids. It increases her paycheck when she leaves. She already has a claim on your earnings regardless of if you're in her life or in your kid's life. It may be that you're willing to deal with the court mandated share instead of her "I want it" share. If the court says you have to pay 30% of your income, that may be less than she's spending now.
/r/Divorce_Men03/08/22 02:42 PM
5

Yeah, money's easy for folks who don't have to work for it.
/r/Divorce_Men03/08/22 02:39 PM
1

I don't know cali but in ny, the sooner you can tell the court, the sooner they can adjust things. Telling them late does not change the past.
/r/Divorce_Men31/07/22 05:19 PM
2

Don't promise exclusivity if that's not who you are.
/r/Divorce_Men30/07/22 07:08 PM
1

Ohhh. Yup. Peace That's part of what I'm afraid of if I date again. (11mo post move out)
/r/Divorce_Men30/07/22 02:08 PM
7

I like this. I'll add that you should notice the lack of negatives. There are these little moments where you can think "I did the dishes and no one bitched at me." Or I came home, really home and no one dumped all there shit on me the second I walked in the door." The home thing has mattered more than I knew. She's not allowed in my space and that has made it a safe haven. You're going through hell now. Take it easy on yourself. Getting through this is a big project that started without a planni…
/r/Divorce_Men30/07/22 08:45 AM
2

Well, you're paying alimony. That car is "ours" not "yours". Your 401k is "ours" too. I'm using "ours" to mean the plural "you." I mean you both share ownership. Look for an alimony or spousal support calculator for your state. If there's a move, she can change which state's laws she gets divorced under. There's a time limit, like 6 months or something but I'm not a lawyer.
/r/Divorce_Men28/07/22 07:20 PM
1

I disagree but here's an upvote for saying what you think politely
/r/Divorce_Men28/07/22 06:37 PM
0

Hrm?
/r/Divorce_Men28/07/22 06:35 PM
2

(hugs) This is a shitty situation. Take it easy on yourself and reach out to some friends.
/r/Divorce_Men28/07/22 06:14 PM
1

I don't think so unless you get arrested
/r/Divorce_Men28/07/22 06:13 PM
2

lol I see what you did there
/r/Divorce_Men25/07/22 07:59 PM
1

What state are ya in? In New York, the parent who gets 50% of the overnights plus 1 gets all the child support. Please go easy on the abbreviations. The two seconds you save typing cost everyone reading 5 seconds of guessing.
/r/Divorce_Men25/07/22 05:15 PM
6

Yeah but, don't leave the joint house until you've settled the divorce.
/r/Divorce_Men17/07/22 03:33 PM
5

I'm thinking that we can't be bitter and damaged and judging women for being bitter and damaged too. :) Edit: none of us are 18 now and I don't think anyone believes that love conquers all problems any more.( Oh poop. I bet the phrase is supposed to mean "love conquers all people")
/r/Divorce_Men17/07/22 11:51 AM
2

Therapist or counselor for the win! Well, for surviving as you go through hell anyway
/r/Divorce_Men15/07/22 04:03 PM
2

Seconding the "don't wait" advice. You're paying for the lawyers expertise when the judge hears your case in 10 minutes without asking you a question.
/r/Divorce_Men15/07/22 03:58 PM
1

If you're done with her, stop asking her to change. You are stepping back from taking care of her. It's not your job to get her into couples counseling.
/r/Divorce_Men11/07/22 06:40 PM
1

The divorce process is lengthy and difficult. There will be up where you think you don't need to and downs where you're very, very sure. Are you still willing to put in effort or no? If she doesn't change or if she changes for a month, is that something you want to be around? If you're not sure you're done, don't bring up divorce. Don't mention false allegations to her.
/r/Divorce_Men11/07/22 04:48 PM
17

Do you want to play hard or play nice? You can talk to lawyers on your own, without her input. You can make an appointment with a divorce mediator (someone who specializes in writing divorce agreements) and invite her to join you. Look into digital voice recorders and their legality where you live. Some women make false allegations of domestic violence during the divorce process. It might be super useful to be able to prove that you were chill at some random date and time. 7pm Sept 2? here's a r…
/r/Divorce_Men10/07/22 09:34 PM
10

I wish I knew that I was dating all the people my beloved talked to and followed on social media. If I didn't satisfy every one of those ideals I was curb worthy. And after kids, she has your paycheck whether she feels like hanging out with you or not. Eating ramen noodles so she and her new guy can go to disney 3 times a year is difficult. But cheap rum helps a little.
/r/Divorce_Men09/07/22 12:40 PM
1

It's text, copy paste it into a text document. :)
/r/Divorce_Men09/07/22 12:36 PM
6

Dude! I forgot about how good Monday morning in the office used to feel.
/r/Divorce_Men07/07/22 07:48 PM
17

I sat down to dinner yesterday and just had this moment of peace. Everything was fine in my life and I was able to actually relax. Soooo much better.
/r/Divorce_Men07/07/22 06:24 PM
1

Depending on how you pursue this, you could look really bad to the courts and therapists.
/r/Divorce_Men03/07/22 11:37 AM
3

Yeah! We all might benefit from saying "I'm the father of these kids and they're going to see me set boundaries about how I let myself be treated.
/r/Divorce_Men26/06/22 09:07 PM
4

Part of my experience was some liberal holier-than-though attacks. So I may be jaded. Also, the folks I see valuing men on tiktok seem to be religious which I associate with conservatives.
/r/Divorce_Men26/06/22 09:04 PM
1

The news that someone put up ambiguous signs that confused people is an odd contribution to the discussion.
/r/Divorce_Men26/06/22 09:02 PM
24

After you have kids with someone, your presence in the kids life is entirely at the woman's whim. If you don't keep her happy, they're gone. If you disagree about some future political issue, they're gone. If you don't let her spend enough, they're gone. If she ever finds someone with more money, they're gone. And she gets to keep spending your money. Consider living someplace where dads default to 50/50 time with kids in divorce. I had been fairly liberal but now I'm thinking that conservatives…
/r/Divorce_Men25/06/22 12:31 PM
1

How do you feel about your lawyer expenses starting at 10k? Can you cover 20k?
/r/Divorce_Men06/06/22 10:24 PM
9

We've all paid for sex. Some of us went to court beforehand though.
/r/Divorce_Men05/06/22 09:30 AM
2

Damn it, you got me to install tiktok
/r/Divorce_Men03/06/22 01:20 PM
3

Don't try to defend yourself or explain your actions or emotions. It doesn't matter any more. You're not going to fix it and your reasons don't matter. Document and record like you're being entrapped. Then you can throw it all away in ten years or something if she stays reasonable.
/r/Divorce_Men02/06/22 07:54 PM
3

Cool. What if the court said "no"?
/r/Divorce_Men26/05/22 12:33 AM
2

Meh, that's a big generalization. That has happened to me too but ... "women" and "they" are a bit too divisive for my tastes.
/r/Divorce_Men24/05/22 11:13 PM
2

Blech! Talk about same sh!t different day... wow
/r/Divorce_Men24/05/22 11:10 PM
14

"why are you sad. You have no reason to be sad. That stuff doesn't matter." One hour later "Why don't you tell me how you feel anymore?"
/r/Divorce_Men24/05/22 02:29 PM
52

I was thinking about something this morning. After we had kids, I wish I realized how much my place in their lives was entirely at her whim. If you fail to provide enough money with a big enough smile, she can just leave and get the money any way. The kids aren't mine to love, they're just mine to pay for.
/r/Divorce_Men23/05/22 08:58 PM
14

Yup! I'm dumbfounded that there's not automatic counseling available when you start a divorce
/r/Divorce_Men22/05/22 01:41 AM
3

Yeah, I think tik tok was a significant factor in my breakup
/r/Divorce_Men22/05/22 12:06 AM
13

It's not a fair test. It's a Cosmo magazine type thing. Ask your man why he loves you. If he can't name 5 things in three seconds, he's just in it for the sex. Did you man buy you twelve red roses and a pink carnation for the fourth of july? If not, he never really loved you. I'm saying that she had decided. She was just dotting her "i'"s and crossing her "t"s. If she wanted to give you a chance to fix things, she would have clearly said "I need x to feel loved."
/r/Divorce_Men21/05/22 11:35 PM
6

How would you deal with a wild animal in your yard? With the longest pole you can or hire someone else to deal with it. This person is a different person than the one you loved. She wears her face sometimes but she is now acting like your enemy or like a dangerous, wild animal. So, don't feed it. Don't get close. Don't take care of it. Protect yourself from the damage it can do to you and yours. Look into The Grey Rock Method. Stop feeding her. If it's legal to voice record in your state, do tha…
/r/Divorce_Men19/05/22 06:36 PM
1

I remember back when that happened. My first thought was "Wha?? that doesn't sound like UAlbany" and sure enough, it wasn't
/r/PussyPassDenied18/05/22 02:15 PM
12

I did that math once too. Prostitutes are comparatively inexpensive.
/r/Divorce_Men13/05/22 11:49 PM
2

You both have lawyers, you're not doing mediation at all, I think. My lawyer v lawyer fight in a court in NY took 9 months. I wish I knew that distance = time without kids. Two hours away means taking the whole day off to go to a teacher meeting or a ball game or a hospital visit.
/r/Divorce_Men10/05/22 06:49 PM
4

Down voting OP who is seeking knowledge does not educate OP
/r/Divorce_Men07/05/22 08:22 PM
42

Get her out of your house?
/r/Divorce_Men07/05/22 01:21 PM
2

That woman has declared herself to be your enemy. Start treating her like a shitty coworker. Be professionally courteous but no more. They don't need to know anything about your thoughts, feelings, or life. Call or text an old friend and talk about those things with them. Either get a therapist or ask someone to get one for you. It's surprisingly hard to get a therapist who is accepting new patients and takes your insurance. It's the sort of thing that takes someone who is mentally healthy and u…
/r/Divorce_Men03/05/22 02:39 PM
8

My friend said that he had a rollercoaster of doubt during his divorce. Sometimes he was sure, other times not. That was my experience too. Things ebb and flow but the reason for your decision still exists. Some days are going to be harder. You'll only see her good parts and that's okay. You didn't start this because of the good stuff. You initiated a divorce because her flaws were too much to put up with. Flaws that aren't likely to change.
/r/Divorce_Men03/05/22 10:37 AM
3

I like this a lot. Thanks for posting it
/r/Divorce_Men28/04/22 11:15 PM
6

Check your state laws about one party recording. It might be very important to have a recording of you being sane and calm at some specific unknown point. Some lawyers suggest that women ask for restraining orders against their soon-to-be-ex. If they do that, they might allege violence or threats. Since you're a vet, you're extra "dangerous" so it would be easier to claim to be scared of you. There are digital voice recorders that can run for hours and hours. I'd turn mine on, read the date and …
/r/Divorce_Men27/04/22 11:14 PM
3

That's freakin' rough man. I'm sorry you have to deal with all that. I think that you made some good choices in there. Stopping after you knocked her down, leaving the abusive program, and finding some support with your family all sound like really good ideas.
/r/Divorce_Men27/04/22 11:07 PM
8

I didn't get the shaft as bad as it could have been but I share your opinion of the courts and laws. I have had some very bad thoughts during the process. My therapist helped me through that. If you find any way to improve the system, please let us know so we can help.
/r/Divorce_Men27/04/22 11:00 PM
6

You've demonstrated that you think she's an adequate parent and that you're okay not having 50/50 time. :(
/r/Divorce_Men25/04/22 02:12 PM
3

Yes, the judge can override you both if the agreement doesn't look fair to them. The mediator should be able to advise you on how to avoid that. We put in language that said we knew how it would normally go and we were doing it differently because xyz.
/r/Divorce_Men25/04/22 02:11 PM
5

Look up child support and alimony laws/calculators for your state. Who has taken care of the kids during the separation? Also, reach out to your friends and family. This is gonna hurt and for a long time.
/r/Divorce_Men25/04/22 11:56 AM
9

There is something called divorce mediation. If things are amicable it's a great option. If you and she can't find common ground, it can't work. They have no power. They're just their to write down what you agreed to.
/r/Divorce_Men25/04/22 11:54 AM
2

You are going through something that is almost impossibly hard. Do you have some local friends you can trust to keep secrets? Talking to supportive people helps a bunch. I'm poly and squeezed two divorces into the same year. The amicable one was waaaaay better. Do that if you can. Definitely talk to a couple lawyers on the side but every dumb thing you two can agree on can save you a thousand dollars. Don't move out! That's evidence that you think she should get the kids. Fight to keep the kids …
/r/Divorce_Men23/04/22 01:04 PM
3

This. I went googling for how marriage benefits men. They quoted the same statistics as mgtow and drew opposite conclusions. There are lots of women in the world. Some are horrible. Some are not.
/r/Divorce_Men17/04/22 03:22 PM
2

Seconded!
/r/PussyPassDenied07/04/22 12:13 AM
3

Fucking ouch. I can't imagine mixing court rape with a fresh breakup.
/r/Divorce_Men06/04/22 03:35 PM
13

"best interests of the child" It's the same reason the government does any other dumb thing, "won't someone think of the children???"
/r/Divorce_Men04/04/22 04:28 AM
6

I hear ya. The good parts of my ex are still there and I think about hooking up. But the bad parts are still there too soooo nope! And, yeah, how the heck do ya meet someone in the few spare minutes around the kids?
/r/Divorce_Men03/04/22 01:52 PM
3

I mean getting a cheater as a partner is a punishment. :)
/r/Divorce_Men02/04/22 04:38 PM
3

Hugs How are you?
/r/Divorce_Men29/03/22 11:06 PM
1

"divorce mediation" It's one lawyer you both share. They help you agree and then write it up.
/r/Divorce_Men28/03/22 08:28 PM
1

This shit is super hard. Anything you can do to keep moving is good. Take it slow. Expect less from yourself right now. You basically took on a huge, invisible project that will make you work 120 hr weeks for a while.
/r/Divorce_Men27/03/22 09:38 AM
2

Yeah, I like "grey walk" as the process of doing "grey rock" for a long time.
/r/Divorce_Men24/03/22 07:10 PM
4

This. More than before, my ex's texts don't get timely replies because I need to let go of the rage before I type. Do not give your enemy evidence to use against you.
/r/Divorce_Men24/03/22 07:09 PM
6

True! Seven years of living together can easily count as a marriage depending on where you live. Also, new-age handfastings too.
/r/Divorce_Men23/03/22 09:30 PM
2

I was pretty depressed last night thinking about the odds of finding a woman who ticked enough boxes to make me want to give up the single life. And I was desperate for someone to hold too! sad lol. I could hope that when my kids are grown that the divorce laws have balanced enough that it's sane for men to get married again. As the laws are now... I just don't know. I mean, she'd be able to get child support without a marriage for as long as the guy can survive paying it. I just don't know what…
/r/Divorce_Men23/03/22 09:28 PM
3

It's a good question. I don't think many people have researched the outcomes of children in shared custody situations. Most of the stuff I've seen referenced talks about "fatherless homes" which could be shared custody or imprisoned dad. There's a lot of space in between those for different amounts of parental involvement.
/r/Divorce_Men23/03/22 09:19 PM
1

I don't think that the signed marriage license increases the likelihood of that happening.
/r/Divorce_Men23/03/22 08:34 PM
3

The person with the worse job gets better health insurance. And you can take each other for granted for ten years or so
/r/Divorce_Men23/03/22 08:32 PM
13

It's your house too, right? Stay in it. F her. Also, trying to change to keep your partner is not manipulation. This lady messing with your head. At least half of the relationship and it's issues are her. Sure you could have been better. Anyone could be better. She could have loved better and accepted you as you are. It's not all your fault.
/r/Divorce_Men14/03/22 12:00 PM
2

I wish I understood that distance limits time with my kids. I agreed to her moving closer to her family. Now I can't respond to their emergencies or go to their school functions. 30 minutes is sane. Two hours if f'ing brutal.
/r/Divorce_Men13/03/22 11:02 PM
1

Would she be totally surprised that you things are over? There's no harm in talking to a lawyer but you can also use a divorce mediator if things are amicable between you. They're much cheaper, if you and her can agree to things.
/r/Divorce_Men10/03/22 02:45 AM
3

And read the bleeping reviews on the lawyers. Bleep bleepity bleep
/r/Divorce_Men10/03/22 02:42 AM
2

The other side can get screenshots of whatever you say and then try to use rt against you. It's not the judge trolling random people's FB pages
/r/Divorce_Men08/03/22 09:10 PM
2

I'm invited to be a groomsman soon. It is hard to keep my mouth shut.
/r/Divorce_Men08/03/22 08:21 PM
2

My therapist has been helpful but ... kinda shitty. It feels good to have someone saying that I'm making good choices but nothing is getting better. Thank you for the offer.
/r/Divorce_Men08/03/22 08:17 PM
2

Fair points, well made. And thank you.
/r/Divorce_Men08/03/22 08:15 PM
1

I would like to get some support from my friends. It helps my mental state. I was warned to not post by my lawyer.
/r/Divorce_Men08/03/22 02:17 PM
5

Ezpass, magazine subscription, netflix and similar, life insurance maybe, health insurance, car insurance
/r/Divorce_Men07/03/22 01:45 PM
1

Is your name on the mortgage? If so, they can come after you if she doesn't pay. Making people mad doesn't fix you. She has hurt you and dealing with that is a big challenge. Focus on healing you and give her some "grey rock" emotion. Rise above and move on. Hugs
/r/Divorce_Men02/03/22 12:26 PM
3

I agree and I'm not a lawyer. If you're married, then it's a joint expense. Assets get split based on what you have at divorce-time. The shit you put up with is the shit you get to pay support on later.
/r/Divorce_Men24/02/22 07:14 PM
3

hahahahahaha
/r/WhereAreAllTheGoodMen24/02/22 03:17 AM
9

Iunno if "be rich" is a huge list of requirements
/r/WhereAreAllTheGoodMen23/02/22 12:00 PM
6

That was pretty good. It only belittled men a little bit. And I liked the part about men being more attached. Men do better when they have adequate income is a strange way to say "if you don't have to live on the streets, divorce is easier."
/r/Divorce_Men22/02/22 12:42 PM
1

Do the banks judging loans know that?
/r/Divorce_Men22/02/22 06:03 AM
1

Right now she's not on spousal support. She's part of a married couple bringing in good money.
/r/Divorce_Men21/02/22 10:13 PM
1

I'm doing that too. I could have done this or that. I could have seen warning signs. I could have set boundaries. But also, she could have treated me decently. She could have been thankful for anything, ever. She could have avoided the social media pages saying "judge your man, hate him, and leave him." I'm not the only one who f'd up the relationship and neither are you.
/r/Divorce_Men21/02/22 09:37 PM
1

And you have to suffer every day you're not with them and when you do see them you get to pretend it didn't rip your heart out.
/r/Divorce_Men21/02/22 09:30 PM
4

I second couples therapy. For me, I wanted to be able to say that I did everything I could to make it work. Do you have kids? I'd say to be honest and generous. But you don't have to explain why or list her faults. It's enough to say honestly that you don't think the relationship is working and you don't think it can be fixed. One friend warned me correctly that there are rollercoaster ups and downs where you have doubts and feel some love for your soon to be ex. He was right and it helped to be…
/r/Divorce_Men16/02/22 12:57 PM
2

Thank you for writing this :D
/r/Divorce_Men14/02/22 04:55 PM
3

And it f'ing hurts to not see your kids for two weeks at a time
/r/Divorce_Men14/02/22 09:49 AM
6

Tell them in a matter-of-fact way that teaches them what you want them to learn. Maybe, "Things were bad between mom and I. We were not able to fix it. I moved on to someone new before ending things with your mom. That was a shitty way to treat her and I regret that." Don't blame anyone but yourself
/r/Divorce_Men05/02/22 03:14 PM
6

True but how's that work out when most of our discourse is on private sites transmitted over private networks? Is freedom of speech just a right or is it a value too?
/r/PussyPassDenied05/02/22 12:34 PM
13

You get to pay for the sh*t you put up with! If she doesn't work, you get to pay her alimony after the divorce.
/r/Divorce_Men03/02/22 01:37 PM
2

Reading bedtime stories to my kid on some other guys lap.
/r/Divorce_Men03/02/22 12:42 PM
4

I've been there. 6 months out, iunno, they're fun to look at again
/r/Divorce_Men02/02/22 12:40 AM
1

I couldn't look at women without getting bitter for almost 6 months. I'd look at someone, think "oh she's cute," and then realize that I just had the best part of the whole relationship. To my mind, it would never get better than that first look at her body. And it would definitely end in getting divorce raped. Now, I'm working on realizing that the 3.5 billion women in the world don't all have the flaws my ex has. My platonic female friends certainly don't. I realized that about the third time …
/r/Divorce_Men27/01/22 06:45 PM
4

It will be f-ing hard the first time and mellow out to just hard. For prep, I consider it "war prep". Everything possible must be as ready as possible. You'll have very little time without the kids being needy so ya gotta work when they're down. But still, sleep is gold. You got this. It's hard but you can do hard things.
/r/Divorce_Men19/01/22 09:31 PM
3

Hahahahaha Wow! She's got the mind of a child.
/r/Divorce_Men14/01/22 05:14 PM
8

I too enjoy reading fantasy novels. Hobbits are one of my hobbies
/r/WhereAreAllTheGoodMen11/01/22 12:44 PM
2

I hate the idea of lying to the kid. Don't show anger but I couldn't pretend.
/r/Divorce_Men10/01/22 04:51 PM
3

In my state there is no 50/50. Someone always gets the 51% and therefore the child support. Also, look into divorce mediation. You share one lawyer and save a ton.
/r/Divorce_Men10/01/22 04:49 PM
1

Hunh, you made me wonder if it's like how parents can't control who their kid falls in love with.
/r/Divorce_Men10/01/22 04:46 PM
4

In my state, the parent with 51% of the overnights is the one who receives child support. Did you check for online child support calculators for your state? If stbx is a doc, how much time can she actually spend with the kids? Can you argue that she's taking the kids just to give them to a babysitter/daycare? The court might favor parent time over third party time.
/r/Divorce_Men03/01/22 05:38 PM
1

Do you really trust the new partner to not do that? What's going on in your head when you and she are getting physical? Listen to what's going on in your head and how you feel. Go for a drive or walk alone with nothing else to listen to. Think about the ex, think about the new girl, think about you. If you can admit shit to yourself, you can move forward. (also, this sounds super frustrating and embarrassing. It will go away though.)
/r/Divorce_Men30/12/21 12:46 PM
3

The things you don't fight for are used as proof of what you do and don't care about. If you don't fight for time with your kid, it shows that you think mom is a good parent and that you're okay not seeing kid.
/r/Divorce_Men15/11/21 02:32 AM
2

Take screen shots and store them someplace safe until you can swing a lawyer
/r/Divorce_Men15/11/21 02:22 AM
3

Be open. You're not the only divorced person in the place. Don't say bad things about your ex. In fact, wish her well if you do so honestly. That being said, it doesn't seem like the sort of thing one announces in front of the assembly.
/r/Divorce_Men12/11/21 05:41 AM
2

Don't wait for the therapist to talk to a lawyer. The lawyers take time to spool up and get things moving.
/r/Divorce_Men02/11/21 01:24 PM
4

Double upvote for not leaving it as gender hating. That shows good healing there.
/r/Divorce_Men02/11/21 01:23 PM
3

Not your phone, get a dedicated device that you can give to the police as evidence. They'll get it back to you in a couple years.
/r/Divorce_Men02/11/21 01:22 PM
3

Hehehehe, move the bed into another room :) sorry, I'm bitter this morning
/r/Divorce_Men02/11/21 01:20 PM
1

Explain that the institution of marriage doesn't benefit the higher earner at all.
/r/Divorce_Men30/10/21 12:36 AM
3

Keeping busy has helped me a lot. When things are calm and quiet... ouch. I've been working on reaching out to friends when that happens. Friends I somehow never had time with when I was with my ex
/r/Divorce_Men25/10/21 05:47 PM
3

You put in the effort which is a credit to you. It's okay that she changed away from you. You can feel however you want about what happened. You can miss the good stuff and be happy that you don't have to deal with her issues. You have a past. That shit's not changing. What will you do next? What's the next chapter in your story?
/r/Divorce_Men25/10/21 01:18 PM
2

After 6 months or so the new state's divorce laws take effect. So if you're willing to do the move and can get the family to move with you, you can pick your laws
/r/Divorce_Men10/10/21 03:08 PM
1

"we're moving!" ...to a state with better laws Pause pause pause "we should get a divorce"
/r/Divorce_Men10/10/21 02:29 PM
2

Alimony is a state by state law but yeah, if you've been paying for her lifestyle you get to keep doing that. If you have kids and she gets them, you have a duty to pay child support because you're still their parent to. Lawyer consult for an hour is cheap compared to these.
/r/Divorce_Men30/08/21 11:08 AM
4

Divorce mediators will take both people as clients as long as the two aren't trying to lawyer-fight.
/r/Divorce_Men30/08/21 11:05 AM
1

Get this person out of your home. She's fucking with your calm. There is a limit to how nice you can be. "hey, I'm sorry to have to do this but I need you to move out in 4 weeks." Don't give a reason. Don't explain. This is not something she can fix or argue through.
/r/Divorce_Men11/07/21 11:49 AM
2

Never hit your loved ones. You're just wrong on that. Even losing your temper can be viewed negatively. Flip whatever switch you need to but commit to never doing that again. Her words and actions don't matter enough for you to go to jail. That being said, the fact that she was gathering evidence points to her having a plan to leave. She stole your money and spent it. Did she come back to get more? I think that porn use is acceptable during relationships. You are not happy with how she acts nor …
/r/Divorce_Men11/07/21 11:43 AM
1

Do you want to change the locks? Who's names are the cars in?
/r/Divorce_Men07/07/21 08:30 PM
2

I had to send in her car insurance declaration page in order to cancel her off my insurance. And send in a copy of the divorce decree. Wtf? So she was double covered for 6mo
/r/Divorce_Men07/07/21 08:29 PM
1

agreed on the "That's insane man." point. Holy shit. what the fuck?
/r/Divorce_Men03/07/21 03:23 AM
4

The way my brain works, it's easy to remember the fun we had together but hard to remember the low-grade, never-ending shit. So yeah, sometimes I miss her. Then she shows me the tiny AC unit that she bought a month ago. She hasn't had the "physical and mental energy" to install it. And that reminds me that she's lazy and whiny and can't take care of herself. And we stopped having fun years before the divorce.
/r/Divorce_Men22/06/21 12:05 PM
1

You do good work. Is there a way to present this that doesn't focus on "fatherless homes" on the divorce board? Everyone here is about to have their kids in fatherless homes at least some times.
/r/Divorce_Men20/06/21 03:44 AM
1

Of course that's how it works... Good to know. I'm having a difficult time musterinc the energy for the fight about kids.
/r/Divorce_Men18/06/21 09:09 PM
2

I didn't discuss the terms with my new partner before agreeing to them. She's bound by what I agreed to.
/r/Divorce_Men26/05/21 12:02 PM
8

They're a different generation that was raised with "stay together no matter what." These days there is a lot of social pressure to leave if things aren't perfect.
/r/Divorce_Men14/05/21 09:18 PM
2

Invest in a digital audio recorder and a pile of cloud storage. Run the recorder every minute that you're around her. If she never makes a false accusation, delete all the recordings after the divorce. If she does make a false accusation, you have hours and hours of evidence of you not being bad. Some lawyers will push their clients to get an order of protection because it helps the case and needs no proof.
/r/Divorce_Men25/04/21 10:19 PM
4

Do it up and don't feel bad. You tried to be nice. She did not return the favor. Now it's time to fight. Fight to keep the kids in your life during the process to.
/r/Divorce_Men07/04/21 10:44 AM
4

Look into divorce mediators. They work for both of you and guide you through a bunch of questions and discussions. We spent something like $4k total. The divorce attorney that I spoke with wanted $5k to start and they'd come back for more after that was spent. And then the wife would have needed her own $5k+ attorney or it wouldn't have been fair and the judge could refuse the results. If you're both sane, calm people who are just done and you don't want to hurt each other, you can save a buncha…
/r/Divorce_Men01/03/21 02:12 PM
2

What does the history of violence look like? Has he used it when you've 'disappointed' him or has he used it to affect your behaivor? People who are dangerous around bad news don't deserve to hear bad news in person. How do you imagine him responding to a teen yelling "I hate you"? Divorce Mediation is a thing. It's one lawyer who does the paperwork for both of you. The mediator won't use the court system to fight. That limits your ability to maximize your outcome but it saves a bunch of money a…
/r/Divorce_Men19/12/20 01:16 PM
2

It refers to a scene in The Matrix where the main character had to choose whether to see the world as it really was (taking the red pill), or not. The ideas presented by the community tend to be unforgiving of women to the point of misogyny. There's a movie called The Red Pill which covers the community very respectfully.
/r/Divorce_Men14/12/20 02:50 AM
4

I very much agree with your points. There is some stuff in red pill that I never considered and now agree with. That said, the folks over there take it way to seriously and reach some crazy conclusions.
/r/Divorce_Men14/12/20 02:44 AM
4

Fight now. It's way harder later.
/r/Divorce_Men06/12/20 05:13 AM
2

When it's time for divorce, someone's getting hurt. If you feel that you've done what you can to fix it and you aren't getting help/buy in to fix the relationship, you can walk away knowing that you did everything you could do. You gave her a lot. It's okay to set limits. Your daughter will be hurt by watching the two of you live together while hating each other.
/r/Divorce_Men27/11/20 02:55 PM
2

sorry, 41% of what? parenting time? assets?
/r/Divorce_Men14/10/20 02:56 AM
2

You may be able to trade no spousal support to you for no child support to her. It sounds like you've got a pretty fair deal going. Maybe bring up that you'd rather you both get the extra cash rather than pay two lawyers $10k each to make things bitter. You've got years of co-parenting coming up. The more amicable you two can keep things, the better it will be for the kiddo. Maybe talk to a divorce mediator?
/r/Divorce_Men14/10/20 02:36 AM
2

I think you mean to say that child support goes to the custodial parent.
/r/Divorce_Men14/10/20 02:31 AM
1

I'm frankly baffled and thrilled that this exists.
/r/Divorce_Men03/09/20 11:45 PM
2

If you don't share air or space, she doesn't need to know.
/r/Divorce_Men31/08/20 05:16 AM
3

Don't they though? I'm pretty fortunate that she doesn't yell 'cause that would be difficult to stay calm for.
/r/Divorce_Men07/08/20 09:57 PM
4

Nope. Take care of the kid first. Whoever can explain it better should do it. If you need to be mean to your ex, a) don't or b) don't do it near the kid.
/r/Divorce_Men07/08/20 04:11 PM
1

The recorders are pretty cheap and the offsite storage is too. Especially when you compare it to defending against a bad accusation.
/r/Divorce_Men07/08/20 04:09 PM
5

We're having really good luck with two books for our 5yro, "why do families change" and "standing on my own two feet". They both address things from the kids point of view. Kids don't need the actual reasons for the divorce. They don't need to see your anger about it. It's enough to say "mommy decided she would be happier if we lived apart." It'd be fine to say "I disagree but relationships don't work unless both people want them to." You and mom will always love the him. That's 90% of what he n…
/r/Divorce_Men07/08/20 04:05 PM
6

We had been to couples couseling twice. I made a list of stuff I wanted her to change. Some of it was reasonable stuff like help with the dishes (even just do your own!). But one thing on the list was "Stop talking" , not "Talk less" or "don't interrupt." Full on, when she spoke I disliked her. That's when I knew it was not fixable.
/r/Divorce_Men04/07/20 11:43 PM
1

We have "right of first refussal" which means if either parent wants to hire a sitter, they have to offer the time to other parent first
/r/Divorce_Men20/06/20 04:18 PM
1

It's always weird when people don't include locations in "in search of" posts.
/r/Divorce_Men16/06/20 04:35 PM
2

This can be hard when you want to be obeyed... but catch 'em being good. Say outloud "you did that well" or "thank you for setting the table"... also, figure out a way to have some time doing something that doesn't require discipline. Maybe it's digging in the yard or stacking rocks or whatever. The time that you're not pushing builds relationship that enables the listening later on. It's never going to be perfect and that's okay. You got this. It's hard but you got this
/r/Divorce_Men14/06/20 01:13 AM
3

Mine are young so I got a couple kids books about divorce. We talk about people she knows whose parents have divorced. My soon-to-be ex asked that I not say that we stopped being friends. She thinks that has conotations that one of us is a bad person in a kid's mind. shrug I talked about how friendship doesn't flow down a line of people. So if Abe and Bill are friends, and Bill and Chuck are friends, it doesn't mean that Abe and Chuck are friends. Each pair of people is it's own relationship. Lo…
/r/Divorce_Men09/06/20 11:47 AM
1

It'd be in the public record. You could ask couty clerks. If they don't have the info, they may know who does. I'm sure there's someone or some website willing to find out for some money
/r/Divorce_Men20/05/20 12:29 AM
6

She's not the only one involved. She doesn't get to decide who leaves nor when. (well except some things but do a free consult with a lawyer and start reading up on divorce law.) Btw, if you're going to do legal, sane things that she dislikes, consider buying and carrying an audio recorder so you have some evidence to fight a lie about abuse. (check your state laws) I swear some women think about relationship the way I think about my job. If my job's not paying me, I'm gone.
/r/Divorce_Men13/05/20 12:00 AM
5

yeah, same here. OP, you get downvotes because you seem to be a troll. But that's just going on the half of your posts that you didn't already delete. And your user name is kind of offensive
/r/Divorce_Men10/05/20 12:07 PM
2

What's the source of this data? Are you saying that divorce causes kids to commit suicide but bitter parents being asses to each other in front of their kids does not? This looks like political propaganda.
/r/Divorce_Men29/04/20 02:09 PM
2

On #4, yeah I think we're different about who pays. Generally ya pay your own costs (and the richer guy gets better lawyers). I think our courts only award costs against someone bringing a dumb suit to court.
/r/Divorce_Men26/04/20 10:34 PM
2

Divorce is when you stop caring what the other person thinks of you. :( Do a free consult with a lawyer. They do this all the time and can help get you up to speed on the law. If you think the law gives you more than you think is fair, you can accept less.
/r/Divorce_Men02/04/20 11:54 AM
2

If you leave the house, it shows the court that you don't want to be in the kids' lives and that you trust her to take them.
/r/Divorce_Men01/04/20 11:46 AM
8

Buy a digital voice recorder that does not cut out silent periods. Run it all the time without telling her. Upload the evidence of you not harassing you... annnnd check whether your state allows single party recording
/r/Divorce_Men28/03/20 12:02 PM
2

A character who lost his legs in the movie "Forest Gump"
/r/Divorce_Men05/03/20 05:15 PM
2

I was hoping you'd get some advice by now. Are you using any pro's? Do you have kids? Is spousal support(alimony) part of your situation? Can you two agree on everything yourselves or does someone like a judge need to sort some of it out?
/r/Divorce_Men02/03/20 05:30 AM
1

That's fucked up
/r/Divorce_Men02/03/20 12:29 AM
1

You didn't do those legal but undesireable things. You slipped a word out. Everyone does. It matters that it's rare and that you're not physically raging. (I think. I don't actually know shit about custody.)
/r/Divorce_Men15/02/20 12:19 AM
16

You're not responsible for her financial issues. You don't have to put up with her emotional shit. You don't have to visit her family. You can start something new with someone else, or not if you'd like some single time.
/r/Divorce_Men07/02/20 01:06 PM
2

I don't think mediators are lawyers but I haven't looked yet
/r/Divorce_Men07/02/20 12:58 PM
1

Daniel Sloss comedy specials episode 2 on Netflix. Thanks for the rec. Listening now
/r/Divorce_Men06/02/20 09:24 PM
1

Mythbusters tested the truck gate thing. Apparently you get better mileage with it up instead of down
/r/Divorce_Men14/01/20 12:01 AM
1

I heard that you can limit the amount of work that your lawyer does for you. You may be able to do some of the tasks to reduce his bill.
/r/Divorce_Men11/01/20 11:27 PM
2

I'm having a hard time finding that book anywhere. Who's the author? Is that the whole title?
/r/Divorce_Men05/01/20 08:31 AM
1

:) "First" isn't the word I would use for those rules. Glad to help. You got this.
/r/Divorce_Men04/01/20 04:29 PM
2

The first time home buyer stuff rolls over pretty fast. I remember hearing it was three years
/r/Divorce_Men04/01/20 09:44 AM
2

If you don't trust her perception of events the sidebar advice about a pocket voice recorder seems wise. Being able to playback arguments to the police or judge could save your bacon.
/r/Divorce_Men04/01/20 04:11 AM
1

W.t.f.
/r/PussyPassDenied18/08/19 12:52 AM
1

But taking action is harder than whining on the internet! For real though, highfive good point
/r/PussyPassDenied01/05/19 11:46 AM
1

Female STEM degrees exist
/r/PussyPassDenied14/03/17 04:54 PM
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