Help

thefudmaster · 2022-01-10T14:22:53+00:00

OP, do not allow her to take your son from your home without a written custody order (permanent or temporary) in place. Do you want primary custody, 50/50, or are you agreeing to be the non-custodial parent? I wouldn't recommend the latter.

Additionally, it's a full stop to a relationship when a partner cheats. At that point, all romance should be out of the picture, and you should work toward ending the legal aspects of the relationship. Do not sleep with her again, no matter how strong the desire.

jalopkoala · 2022-01-10T15:58:44+00:00

Gotta ride it out I’m sorry. Had to do a similar charade for 9 months before got a 50/50 temporary order in place. Places like this are here to scream into so you don’t scream at your wife or your kid.

Things are friendly until they aren’t. Hope for the best. Bust plan for the worse. Women can weaponized access to the kid. Women can lie about verbal abuse and physical abuse. The only defense against that is to stay in the marital home no matter what. Move as much communication about the child to text/email.

Godspeed and good luck.

derelictherds · 2022-01-10T19:38:26+00:00

Good on you for putting your son first, but you're going to have to start looking out for yourself. I was in your shoes a few years ago and the "nice guy" approach was a complete waste of time and only delayed the inevitable and stunted the healing process. I suspect things are amicable for the time being because your wife is getting her way. She wasn't thinking about the best interests of your son or potentially shitty future living conditions when she decided to fuck someone else. This won't be the last time she uses your son to get what she wants from you.

IMO you should take charge by filing for divorce and getting a hearing scheduled ASAP. This would at least start a timer and force some action.

Funny_Wolverine_9 · 2022-01-11T00:10:19+00:00

Do you realize you've put yourself in a situation where she can now accuse you of rape?

This same exact scenario happened to me. You need to be VERY careful. I got stuck 2.5 years and $200k in legal fees by one false allegation. You need to be audio recording every interaction secretly in case she accuses you of it.

SO maybe think about getting falsely accused of rape next time you have sexual desire for her. These things happened ALL the time!

FapDuJour · 2022-01-10T13:59:19+00:00

One day at a time, one goal at a time. What do you want from this that is NOT her? Start there. I can't speak to getting back together but I do advise against it with the cheating at the moment. Start with what you want to do be and feel today, as a father for your children since they are most important.

hombredelgato · 2022-01-10T18:18:14+00:00

Why do you have to sleep in the same bed? Not enough space? She should be sleeping somewhere other than with you. You are being abuse for HER sake not for your son's sake. She doesn't want to have her son think badly of her so she's demanding you pretend things are ok. It is NOT for your son.

Jbr74 · 2022-01-12T17:29:48+00:00

Still have lots of feelings and sexual desire for her.

If you were eating and I came up and hocked a huge loogie in the middle of your food.

Would you still want to eat it? It's kinda like that only worse.

hombredelgato · 2022-01-11T00:34:35+00:00

Have you already filed? You need to take some power back in this situation. File now, let the court process timeline be the only driver on how long she stays in the home.

OhZee · 2022-01-11T01:32:57+00:00

I was in this place most of the last 6 weeks. So long as you’re there with her, cohabitating, you WILL NOT BE ABLE TO MOVE ON OR HEAL FROM THIS.

Figure out a way to carve out some space and time for yourself, whatever you can find. Then start planning your exit strategy. Figure out when you’re going to be able to get away from her. Figure out how you’re going to be a good father, and where you’re going to spend time with your kid (mine is 5ish as well). Start looking forward to being on your own again.

Trust me when I tell you this: there is no way you will find a path through these feelings or emotions until you can carve out a life of your own without her. Yea, you have a kid together, so unfortunately you have to know her forever. But you can start becoming your own person immediately. Find your own space my friend.

canival9885 · 2022-01-12T01:27:13+00:00

Do you have a spare bedroom? I would start by sleeping away from her in another part of the house if you can. If not, than sorry you have to deal with that. Thankfully I had a guest bedroom to get away from the grinch I was sharing the house with till my divorce went through and any sexual desire/emotion I had for her went away not Sleeping in the same bed with her. It sucks hit if there’s any goal, it’s to stay strong for your son.

BurnDownTheMission68 · 2022-01-14T18:28:48+00:00

Sounds like the other guy is still in the picture

25_years · 2022-01-10T18:50:24+00:00

Still have lots of ... sexual desire for her

For the Love of God, whatever you do, don't get her pregnant again. Who knows? Maybe in the middle of the night, she'll come to you after a few glasses of wine. Go jerk it in the shower or whatever. Another kid is the last thing you need now.

I understand the feelings. But use your big head.

Title	Help
Author	MadMardiganWaaait
Upvotes	15
Comments	42
Date	January 10, 2022 1:29 PM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/s0k1w1/help/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/help.1095403 https://theredarchive.com/post/1095403

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