~ archived since 2018 ~
~ archived since 2018 ~
| Upvotes | Comment on | Subreddit | Date (UTC) |
|---|---|---|---|
| 13 | Don't lose your cool.I will add to this. During my trial, the opposing lawyer called me to the stand. It was quite obvious to me she had a script designed EXPLICITLY to get me to react emotionally and negatively. It was very transparent. I didn't take the bait. I stayed cool. But, of course, internally, I was furious by the questions and the suggestions. I've read plenty of stories from other men. The moment you get upset or react emotionally, they'll scream: "See, your honor! He's angry! He's got a temper! He's las… | /r/Divorce_Men | 15/06/25 11:55 AM |
| 1 | Child support modification?I'm curious about this, too. Keep us updated if you can. My decree mentioned nothing about child support decreasing as the kids age-out. I didn't even think about it at the time. Furthermore, I made a really stupid assumption. My original child support for three kids was $X. In my mind, one-third of $X went to each kid. I assumed that when the first kid turns 18, my obligation will fall to exactly two-thirds of $X, and later, one-third of $X. But the courts don't see it that way. It makes no log… | /r/Divorce_Men | 19/02/22 01:23 PM |
| 2 | What would you do?What the Hell is ENM? | /r/Divorce_Men | 19/02/22 12:58 PM |
| 12 | WTF is wrong with me?How could I put up with this for so long? Well, shit, dude. Looks like a mess. My situation was nothing like this, but I admit, I had to ask myself this very same question. It's like, you have a sense of "normal". Then you meet a woman and get married. Everyone in a marriage has to make SOME compromises. Your sense of "normal" drifts and shifts a little each day. But very little. So little, that you don't notice from one day to the next. Then, years later, you wake up from the dream (nightmare?)… | /r/Divorce_Men | 18/02/22 04:16 PM |
| 6 | Effect of "coast retirement" on child support payments?You could always become disabled. My ex-wife used that trick. She was the breadwinner for many years in our marriage. But, when it came time to divorce, she suddenly began suffering from a fiesta of illnesses which prevented her from working. And these were the kind of illnesses that can't really be proved or disproved, e.g.: depression, PTSD, dizziness. Just find some unethical scumbag lawyer (shouldn't be a problem in Family Law) and some unethical scumbag doctor to sign-off on it. It's a shit… | /r/Divorce_Men | 18/02/22 04:02 PM |
| 5 | Effect of "coast retirement" on child support payments?I wouldn't exactly call it a trick. The man wants to retire. If his question was about alimony and not child support, the answer is not so simple. Massachusetts reformed their alimony laws several years ago. The legislation began as a grassroots effort by a single man who quite literally could not retire -- ever. He argued, successfully, that retirement is a qualified "change in circumstances" that warrants another look. Does child support apply here, too? Maybe. Laws vary from state to state. T… | /r/Divorce_Men | 18/02/22 03:59 PM |
| 3 | I (m40) feel like my marriage is over and I want to divorce my wife (f40) of nearly 15 yrs.I love them too much to hurt them Be warned, OP, this is a dangerous and naïve attitude. Divorce is many things. Two of those things are unpredictability and a loss of control over relationship dynamics. There are many divorced men -- and I count myself among them -- who love their children sincerely. They've never abused or neglected their kids. In fact, they always worked hard to provide for their kids. But they haven't seen their kids in years. Or their kids hate them and won't talk to them. … | /r/Divorce_Men | 17/02/22 10:25 AM |
| 16 | Interested in women. But what’s a turn off/red flag for you?baby daddy Oh God. When I hear that, I think to myself: So much ghetto sperm has been pumped into her ass, it's starting to leak out of her mouth now. It's a horrible phrase. | /r/Divorce_Men | 16/02/22 11:12 AM |
| 3 | Struggles with mental and physical healthGo back to court I wish I could say that I agree with you. In theory, everyone in society should have access to justice through the courts. But, as a man like OP, who now wants a second bite at the apple, I can tell you that courts are NOT interested in changing settled decrees. If the current situation is working out okay for the kid, what judge would want to change it? It is, at best, an uphill battle. At worst, it drains you: financially, emotionally, spiritually. I know it's noble to say, "I… | /r/Divorce_Men | 13/02/22 08:58 PM |
| 40 | (29M) - Tired of providing for an ungrateful wife (28F) who raises my blood pressure with every conversation that we have. I don’t possess the confidence to leave, nor the willpower. We have no children, nor any assets. Please guide me before I lose my mindWhat's holding you back? Why can't you just end it? Compared to most men on this subreddit, you're in an excellent position (still young, no kids, no mortgage, clean break possible, alimony will be only 24 months at worst). You say you don't have the confidence or willpower? Well, find it. Read the last line of your post back yourself ("I'm slowly killing myself"). Then ask, "What's more important than my health?" Why are you trading your sanity away? Find some support. Find some trusted old fri… | /r/Divorce_Men | 12/02/22 09:43 PM |
| 3 | It’s the little stuffWow, sounds shitty and familiar. Before I did electronic payments, I mailed her a paper check. HOWEVER. She's terrible at basic accounting and housekeeping (like checking the mail). I had a crystal ball, and I knew -- I COULD SEE IT COMING -- that even if I mailed a check on-time, she would find some way to fuck it up. She'd say the bank put a hold on the check or something. Or that it never arrived. I knew she couldn't be trusted. So, I volunteered to buy Cashier's Checks from a local bank. The… | /r/Divorce_Men | 12/02/22 11:26 AM |
| 2 | I think my wife resents me having a high paying job that enables me to get what I want despite the fact she chose herself to be a stay at home mom.in texas there is no alimony Totally false. One Google search can prove there is, in fact, alimony in Texas. I've heard this myth many times, especially on this subreddit. It's strange that so many people believe it. What's true is that Texas tends to be more reluctant to punish men with lengthy, expensive alimony awards. But the courts there definitely can (and do) make alimony awards. If the myth were really true, every man in America would move to Texas to get divorced. | /r/Divorce_Men | 12/02/22 11:12 AM |
| 8 | For the Canadian federal government, men are second class citizens.As bad as divorce is in the USA, some of the worst horror stories come from Canada. Here are three examples right off the top of my head... Jeremy A. Hans Mills Dave Foley | /r/Divorce_Men | 10/02/22 12:10 PM |
| 6 | Michigan divorce - I need help please don't delete my post this time - especially because the sub rules are NOT posted on the sidebarweaponized neglect First, upvote for coining a new term. I've noticed lately over on the female divorce subreddits, the phrase "weaponized incompetence" is the latest trendy new buzzword that women use to describe men. They use it to describe men who don't contribute to household chores (e.g.: a man who claims not to know how to cook or do laundry). Just the other day, a woman used it to describe the fact that she had to nag her husband to load the dishwasher. However, in this chorus of "Me Too!… | /r/Divorce_Men | 09/02/22 04:20 PM |
| 4 | When all bills are paid and you’re caught up post divorce… what’s the first big thing you’re going to buy?Good for you. I finished my PPL while dating my ex-wife. She was actually my first passenger. I was studying for my Instrument written when my Unicorn decided we needed to have an expensive house with expensive furniture. That was many years ago. I never flew again. There will be days now when I'm working, and I'll look up and see a 172 pass over. It's hard not feel some regret. A friend of mine back from my PPL days is a RETIRED airline pilot now. He stayed single. | /r/Divorce_Men | 08/02/22 04:45 AM |
| 3 | Collaborative Divorcea woman fearing for her safety was able ... to drive with me [and] sleep [with me] ... Wow. It really is shocking how much they can distort the past and expect the judge is so stupid, he'll believe it. My situation never came to a TPO. But then again, I was often traveling for work during the divorce. Early on, during our alleged "collaborative" divorce, she encouraged me to take the kids with me on a trip, by myself, unsupervised, out of the country. She trusted me that much. But when dirty Naz… | /r/Divorce_Men | 06/02/22 12:55 PM |
| 3 | Collaborative DivorceThey all plan on a collaborative divorce and then it turns into mortal kombat Yeah, pretty much. And pretty much, it's about money. She has one lawyer promising her a peaceful divorce. But then listens to another lawyer who promises her MUCH MORE money, full custody of the kids, and basically anything she wants. The second lawyer will tell her not to compromise on anything because, if it goes to trial, she can get it all. Of course, she WON'T get everything she wants at trial, but by then, she'l… | /r/Divorce_Men | 06/02/22 02:22 AM |
| 2 | AITA post about a neglectful mom expecting free baby sitting on her time from OPs gf is infuriatingI'm surprised no one has mentioned child support. The original OP doesn't indicate if he pays. But even in a 50-50 situation, it's certainly possible. In the original post, a few Redditors have pointed out that mom shouldn't get child support if dad has majority custody time. Others pointed out that time itself is not the yardstick -- it's overnights. If that's the case (that is, if mom gets child support, but then dumps the kid on a babysitter all day, but keeps her overnights), then it starts … | /r/Divorce_Men | 05/02/22 11:14 AM |
| 5 | How--and How Soon--Do I Start Getting Ready?Wow, there's a lot going on here. Sympathy for the health problems. It reminds us all of the wisdom: If you have your health, you have everything. You can learn from my fatal mistake. I divorced at the peak of my earning ability. If you do that, the judge will expect you to make the same income forever. And once assigned, it's almost impossible to get support payments reduced. So, in that regard, it sounds like you're on-track. I advise men to divorce at the lowest point, possibly with some vali… | /r/Divorce_Men | 04/02/22 11:12 AM |
| 2 | I’m (29M) considering divorcing my wife (28F) due to her failure to contribute anything to our marriage financially. Yes, I can support her and I make a pretty good living. My problem is that I should not need to support her at the level that I am, due to the context of our marriage currently.... it turns into an argument because she feels “attacked” Sounds familiar. It's manipulation. See it for what it is; it's manipulation. In her world, she's the victim and you're the victimizer. Don't let it take hold. My ex was a high income earner once. Once. She was in sales. And when her earnings dropped to zero, I suggested that she at least do SOMETHING. I remember her reply: “What do you want me to do? Work at Walmart? Be a waitress?” (but it was said in an accusatory tone, like I was the… | /r/Divorce_Men | 03/02/22 10:37 PM |
| 2 | Mistakes You Made During Your DivorceRegarding #3, can you please define "PRE" and "EOW"? | /r/Divorce_Men | 03/02/22 10:58 AM |
| 4 | Tell me you've been through the family court without telling me you've been through the family court.I often remind my young nephews that if they ever get married, I'll kill us all... as a form of mercy. | /r/Divorce_Men | 03/02/22 04:25 AM |
| 1 | Tell me you've been through the family court without telling me you've been through the family court.I got to watch my daughter graduate from high school on YouTube. And that was already asking a lot. | /r/Divorce_Men | 03/02/22 04:24 AM |
| 8 | Alimony in South CarolinaIn other words, if you're being raped, just accept it and let it happen because then you'll be happy. Great advice. | /r/Divorce_Men | 02/02/22 06:43 PM |
| 9 | Couples therapyIt started out with the best of intentions (supposedly). But what she really wanted was a referee to 'rule' on every disagreement we ever had. She wanted 'proof' she was right. She would even shop around for a favorable therapist. I remember one therapist (who had a Ph.D in clinical psychology) literally laughed at my ex's amateur diagnosis of my alleged psychological problems. Needless to say, we never went back to that one. | /r/Divorce_Men | 02/02/22 12:14 PM |
| 3 | Divorce and Young Kids... not being able to protect them from her future partners and lifestyle Well, that's a real concern. Unfortunately, legally, there's nothing you can do about that. After you divorce, you have no control over her (just like she has no control over you). | /r/Divorce_Men | 01/02/22 08:27 PM |
| 1 | Divorce and Young KidsAlimony wont be an issue Famous Last Words. It could be true, but don't count chickens/hatched. | /r/Divorce_Men | 01/02/22 08:25 PM |
| 6 | Is it wrong to just want to be single?You guys don’t even know. Ah, but we do. Each happy man is happy in his own way; all unhappy married men seem to be alike. | /r/Divorce_Men | 31/01/22 08:31 PM |
| 6 | Seeking Personal and Maybe Legal Advice from Other Men in the USARenew your passport at the last possible minute. Even if it's not about to expire, you can renew your passport at any time. Once you have a new one, you have 10 years. It's a good head start. There's a book by Frank Ahearn called How To Disappear. There are free PDFs online if you search for them. But whatever you do, don't buy the book with a credit card. If you decide to go crypto, learn how to make an offline cold wallet. That means you manage the keys yourself, personally. If you use a broke… | /r/Divorce_Men | 29/01/22 03:07 PM |
| 5 | Seeking Personal and Maybe Legal Advice from Other Men in the USAif you try to become a citizen elsewhere the US government will tax something like half your assets You have no idea what you're talking about. This is not true at all. | /r/Divorce_Men | 29/01/22 03:02 PM |
| 0 | Seeking Personal and Maybe Legal Advice from Other Men in the USAAgain, I don't think you ever read OP's post. He said he wanted to skip out on the legal process. But you're lecturing him about civil procedure? If he's gone, he's gone. | /r/Divorce_Men | 29/01/22 03:01 PM |
| 3 | Seeking Personal and Maybe Legal Advice from Other Men in the USASorry, man, but I don't think you know what you're talking about. Plus, I don't think you're responding to OP's question. He never said anything about giving up US citizenship. And it's not that expensive. Where did you get that idea? And if OP put crypto assets are in a cold wallet, no one can touch it. PERIOD. It doesn't matter what the courts do. And if done properly, no one could ever find it. I don't think you understand how crypto works at all. And if OP hits the ejection seats and disappe… | /r/Divorce_Men | 29/01/22 02:58 PM |
| 1 | Was I mislead?No one should hire the first lawyer they meet with, unless [they've met] 3 other lawyers Does not compute. | /r/Divorce_Men | 28/01/22 12:39 PM |
| 6 | Well... looks like back to the 7th circle of hell for awhile[getting] 'everything you want' isn't what divorce is about Wow, this resonates hard. In my case, I saw a Perfect Storm forming: a spouse who desperately self-identified as a helpless victim, teaming up with an aggressive, unethical lawyer who promised to "put things right". I used to joke that her lawyer's professional motto was: "Bring your checkbook. I don't settle". They rejected all offers, never compromised, and insisted on exactly what you said: getting everything she wanted. I do blame l… | /r/Divorce_Men | 28/01/22 12:33 PM |
| 5 | Does anyone else have zero interest in dating post-divorce?Just curious the costs Depends on location. And, of course, the quality of the woman. For a while, I was spending time in Panama, Mexico, and Argentina. The economy in Colombia is shit, so Colombian girls work in neighboring countries, sometimes even in legit jobs, but need to make a little on the side. And, as I've learned, most girls from Central and South America have never been on a real 'date' like we think of in the USA. Most of their 'boyfriends' were cheap lazy assholes, so it's easy to … | /r/Divorce_Men | 28/01/22 01:22 AM |
| 5 | Does anyone else have zero interest in dating post-divorce?25 yrs That would make a great username. | /r/Divorce_Men | 28/01/22 01:13 AM |
| 1 | Left wife - how to deal with the guilt?Marriage -- and life itself -- should be enjoyed, not merely tolerated. No man gets a prize for tolerating a joyless marriage. You should not feel guilty for wanting joy in your life. Two drowning people is not an improvement over one drowning person. | /r/Divorce_Men | 28/01/22 01:04 AM |
| 11 | Does anyone else have zero interest in dating post-divorce?Every man does their own thing. I don't expect other men to agree with or understand my decisions. But after a shitty divorce, it became much more logical to just rent women by the hour. If you want to get mathematical about it, compute the total amount of money you spend on a wife (or GF) and divide by the number of satisfactory sexual encounters. Whatever the number happens to be, it can always be better when you rent by the hour. I have more choices than I know what to do with. Whatever stupi… | /r/Divorce_Men | 27/01/22 04:44 PM |
| 6 | Does anyone else have zero interest in dating post-divorce?Two good friends of mine quickly re-married. One of them, briefly, used to send me MGTOW-type memes. This is way back before MGTOW was called MGTOW. He basically focused on the idea that single men are happy. But then got re-married -- to a Unicorn, so he says. I don't understand it at all. The actor Dave Foley -- once considered the poster child of child support and alimony reform because of his outrageous support order -- got re-married and had another kid. I cannot explain what drives men to … | /r/Divorce_Men | 27/01/22 04:27 PM |
| 1 | Song you all may find helpful“Send lawyers, guns and money. Dad, get me out of this.” | /r/Divorce_Men | 27/01/22 11:29 AM |
| 3 | Why is she asking for all this extra information?Embrace the Miranda Warning: "Anything you say can and will be used against you". Yes, I know, that's for criminal suspects. But I'm a big advocate in the Fifth Amendment's right to remain silent, even in civil cases. Same thing happened to me, and of course, it was her lawyer, asking me to lift my skirt and reveal all kinds of personal information. So I started to refuse to answer the questions. Now, if you get into court and a judge orders you to reveal certain information, that's one thing. B… | /r/Divorce_Men | 27/01/22 11:25 AM |
| 1 | What is the typical alimony in AlabamaAny idea how they calculate the amount? Let me Google that for you. | /r/Divorce_Men | 26/01/22 10:43 AM |
| 2 | [deleted by user]I'm pretty sure you can say cunt and bitch here. | /r/Divorce_Men | 26/01/22 10:36 AM |
| 6 | [deleted by user]Not sure why that's a go-to thing for people then use it as an excuse for why 50/50 "isn't stable/ consistent" for "the kids" I think it's just a bullshit excuse to keep denying dad, and continue to re-invent and stand behind the "best interests of the children" doctrine. I've even heard legislatures suggesting that moving back-and-forth between households is stressful. ... as if children are made of glass and could shatter at any minute. This got me thinking. I was raised in one house for all m… | /r/Divorce_Men | 26/01/22 10:33 AM |
| 3 | The Golden Uterusher sense of importance and self-worth comes solely from being a mother Have you ever noticed that when a mom has to pick a username for something, how many of them pick something like "MomOfBrandon" or whatever. And if they have the option to upload a photo, it will be a photo of their kids. And their FB status is something like, "My greatest accomplishments are my kids!" Sure, a few men do this too. But when it happens, it's 99% a woman. I often think of this idea, that they have no life at al… | /r/Divorce_Men | 26/01/22 02:00 AM |
| 5 | The Golden UterusI'm really not sure if you're being sarcastic or not. You seem to be focused on money. But the point of my post was about CONTROL, not money. | /r/Divorce_Men | 26/01/22 01:57 AM |
| 11 | How I dealt with horrible legal letters from my ex's solicitorSame here. I was shocked to see her lies all dressed-up with a suit and tie on some fancy lawyer's stationery. But I soon realized it was a two-way street. When her lawyer asked simple questions such as, "What's your income?", I'd reply with an entire page that explained how it's difficult for me to work while dealing with an opposing lawyer who suborns perjury. I'd explain how it left me depressed and unable to work. Hell, as long as we're in Fantasy Land, add anything you want. "I was forced t… | /r/Divorce_Men | 25/01/22 11:19 AM |
| 6 | Narrative (venting)Sympathy. I had to sit there, listening to my own kids explain to me that I was physically abusive to them. Of course, they have no memory of it at all. All they remember is that I was a loving and fit father. They remember the fun times. Those two wires haven't touched yet in their brain. Yeah, too young to put it all together. I do look forward to the day they realize no one EVER accused me of hitting my kids until my wife and her lawyer started demanding lots and lots of money. Gee, no coinci… | /r/Divorce_Men | 24/01/22 09:13 PM |
| 1 | 2 hours before final settlement meetingmy attorney hasn't prepped me I'd say your lawyer owes you an explanation and right quick. You shouldn't be sitting here, wondering about what you DON'T know. | /r/Divorce_Men | 24/01/22 09:08 PM |
| 8 | 2 Years of Credit Card Transactions?Two years does seem reasonable. Can I share a quick story? But it may not be relevant to you. When I was asked to provide statements, I downloaded PDFs. Then I zipped all the PDFs into a single ZIP file and e-mailed it to the opposing lawyer. I somehow thought being polite and professional was the way to go. PDFs allow quick review; someone can "find" certain bits of text and quickly scan through the results. When my lawyer requested my wife's statements, first of all, they waited beyond the req… | /r/Divorce_Men | 24/01/22 09:06 PM |
| 2 | I need help pleaseLots of military posts here lately. Sir, I understand you're an officer, not some 20-something idiot enlistee. However, you might consider the advice I give anyone in the military. Whatever your branch, wherever you are, there's some crusty, old school E-8 First Sergeant or Senior Chief Petty Officer. They've been around a long time. They've seen it all come and go. They aren't lawyers, obviously, but they can provide guidance, advice, communion, sympathy, solace and encouragement. You'll need a… | /r/Divorce_Men | 22/01/22 09:50 PM |
| 10 | Take a moment to consider where your lawyer attended law schoolOP, I don't know. I think this is definitely a "Your-Mileage-May-Vary" situation. Consider: I talked to several lawyers during my divorce and afterwards. Some of them were "white shoe" partners with a prestigious address; they would wear $2000 suits and drive a new Lexus. But the best advice I ever got came from a lawyer who worked out of a small office in a cheap strip mall (think: Saul Goodman and his online law school degree). Also consider: the last lawyer I spoke to went to a low-end law sc… | /r/Divorce_Men | 22/01/22 09:39 PM |
| 10 | I just can't imagine why this is happening?... child support, alimony ... Why do you think people don't understand that it will apply to them as well? That's easy. Lawyers. If a man is a fit and loving father, he doesn't normally think, "Well, if this marriage doesn't work, I'm also going to lose my kids and have my wallet yanked out of my asshole." No, he'll likely think, "Well, I'm a good dad. I'll get 50/50 and continue to raise my kids." Enter the scumbag dirty cocksucker lawyer: (cracks knuckles) "We'll just see about that." | /r/Divorce_Men | 22/01/22 03:48 PM |
| 13 | I just can't imagine why this is happening?Marriage is the dumbest financial contract ... If someone had told me ... This. This. This. One small correction. It's a great contract for the woman; horribly dumb for the man. In other subreddits and forums, sometimes people try to shame complaining men by pointing out they "signed a contract". I point out a hypothetical example of a REAL contract: If you were to borrow even as little as $100 from a bank, they would have you sign a contract. But that contract would also include a "Truth-in-Len… | /r/Divorce_Men | 22/01/22 03:42 PM |
| 7 | If you buy stuff.. hide it.. pay off the CC.. will you somehow still get screwed?You're making things a little complicated. I'd consider putting small items on a credit card (like eating at McDonald's), but pay cash for bigger things. When the lawyers and judges look at your statements later, it looks as if your lifestyle and spending is less than what it really is. Your best bet leading up to a divorce is to squirrel away cash. Just a little at a time, here and there. Not enough to be noticed in a bank statement. Obviously, hide it where it won't be found (that also means n… | /r/Divorce_Men | 22/01/22 08:27 AM |
| 1 | There should be strict laws about wasting a person's time and money with frivolous court proceedingsI don't believe the judge ever gave his justification. In fact, he didn't justify anything; he just ruled against on most things without comment. At the time we divorced, I was earning more than her. I guess that's the justification. It didn't matter WHO started the fight, or WHO was the first to start spending money on lawyers. All that mattered is that I had money. She filed on me; she was the first to get a lawyer; she insisted on a trial. She was clearly the aggressor. Yeah, so why do I pay?… | /r/Divorce_Men | 21/01/22 10:01 PM |
| 1 | There should be strict laws about wasting a person's time and money with frivolous court proceedingsHey, her lawyer's Lexus payments aren't going to make themselves! When we separated, we had a really good relationship. We agreed on all the custody issues and schedule, no lawyers In all seriousness, I sympathize. This is such a familiar story. My divorce began the same: We were friendly, civil, agreed on big issues, no reason not to have an easy divorce. She even invited me to her new home, cooked for me, and we all went out sometimes for breakfast as a family, she and I and the kids. It was n… | /r/Divorce_Men | 21/01/22 09:26 PM |
| 1 | Getting my Attorney TomorrowThis is also required viewing for men & Fathers Here is a cleaner rip of the video. Plus, you can also just right-click on it and "Save As..." if you want a copy on your local device. http://190.97.162.68/DivorceCorp.mp4 | /r/Divorce_Men | 21/01/22 12:04 PM |
| 8 | States Are Increasingly Considering Equal Shared Parenting Custody Casesshe ... had a bizarre illusion that life wouldn't change except that I'd be [gone] You hit the nail on the head. My lightbulb moment was reading some article by a lawyer (can't find it now, sorry) who said that some women want a "Neutron Bomb" divorce. It described my situation exactly. FYI, neutron bombs are nuclear bombs, but instead of releasing their energy in destructive force, they only release neutrons which kills everyone, but doesn't flatten cities and set everything on fire. Basically,… | /r/Divorce_Men | 19/01/22 12:12 PM |
| 3 | 10 Myths about Family Law in the UKWhat is the point of your post? To show how shitty the system is? It took you 15 years to figure that out? Sorry, OP, but I have to add that I think posts written by lawyers are not only worthless but infuriating when they try to explain and defend A SHITTY SYSTEM by saying, "Welp, that's the law." The laws are written by legislatures (read: lawyers) and enforced by judges (read: lawyers). The whole thing is just some scam run by lawyers, and why the Hell should anyone feel better about it just … | /r/Divorce_Men | 18/01/22 01:17 PM |
| 5 | Any former/active Us MilitaryWow, sorry to hear it, brother. If your wife and her boyfriend are both in the military, you have a huge advantage going into this. As others have said, the UCMJ covers this. But even beyond that, even if the UCMJ isn't brought into this, people's careers are on the line. If either of them have a security clearance, it can be revoked in cases like this. I'm not sure exactly how you should play your cards, but be careful and play them wisely. Yes, you'll need to talk to a lawyer at some point. So… | /r/Divorce_Men | 18/01/22 01:05 PM |
| 2 | Can I please hear some positive stories about divorce? I'm just starting to go through separationWhen your marriage is over, there will always be Thailand. Thailand. It's DisneyLand for your penis. This message brought to you by the Thailand Tourism Authority | /r/Divorce_Men | 18/01/22 12:52 PM |
| 8 | A California Father: "Child Support interest has created a Slave race with no end of ever being free. I'm 66..have been paying interest for over 40 years..as much as $1,000 a month..I sit around waiting to die..I have given up hope"It has nothing to do with political leanings I agree to this about 95%. The greediness of the courts transcends politics. The only political aspect to this, as I see it, is the impact of feminism. In the end, it probably has little practical effect. But more and more, I see women's interests as Democrat interests. Even to this day, go to women-oriented subreddits, and you'll see 1) left leanings and 2) a persistent idea that women have a right and a duty to "take the kids and run" when a marriag… | /r/Divorce_Men | 17/01/22 11:50 AM |
| 2 | Married outside the USAny nation that ends in "stan" -- or has a very popular cricket team -- or where you can buy a bottle of Coke that's been poured into a Ziplock bag. | /r/Divorce_Men | 16/01/22 12:27 PM |
| 3 | All my friends are getting married. You guys teached me a lesson to never marryThis story... http://190.97.162.68/Getting-A-Beer-with-John.mp3 | /r/Divorce_Men | 14/01/22 09:05 PM |
| 2 | Advice?Before you get too comfortable with the 60k number, keep in mind there will be realtor's fees and appraisal fees -- and fees for this and that. If you're thinking you'll both walk away with 30k is a risky assumption. Also, if it sits on the market for two months, that's two more months of payments, just to get rid of it. And maybe you'll get lucky. Maybe you'll get an offer that's ABOVE the 60k equity. But the housing market is funny right now. It could go either way. has agreed to not put me on… | /r/Divorce_Men | 14/01/22 01:25 PM |
| 1 | Possibility of divorce with spouse who doesn’t earn much income, worried about financial future.https://www.google.com/search?q=hans+mills+canada+alimony But, if you look closely, he had one distinct advantage. He already had a second passport when he set sail. So, revoking his Canadian passport didn't matter. | /r/Divorce_Men | 14/01/22 01:07 PM |
| 2 | How do I prepare for the inevitable? I have time.There's a PDF called Fire Your Wife that has some good advice. It's a bit dated (I've often thought of updating it; a Bitcoin chapter would be nice). But, in any case, it can get you in the right mindset. Others have given good advice. I'll summarize by saying that you should be at the LOW POINT of your career and earning potential when you get divorced. Seriously. Maybe start your own business now, and slowly drive it into the ground over the next two years. Or start documenting how you're depr… | /r/Divorce_Men | 13/01/22 01:02 PM |
| 3 | One last settlement meeting before court pathDivorce Corp http://190.97.162.68/DivorceCorp.mp4 | /r/Divorce_Men | 12/01/22 01:16 PM |
| 3 | TRO Against Wife for Job?I didn't have a TRO. But, in my divorce decree, I asked the judge to insert language that she didn't have any permission to contact my employers. The judge put it in there. My situation was not quite the same as yours, but she did e-mail my boss at one point with a lengthy diatribe. I used up all my "credit" at work to clean up the mess. Lovely. | /r/Divorce_Men | 12/01/22 01:07 PM |
| 21 | Another reason getting married is pointless…Believe it or not, I still find myself believing in the idea of marriage, despite everything I've been through. It's the Family Law attorneys and the Family Courts that have poisoned everything. Marriage has simply become another revenue stream for scumbag lawyers, just like parenthood. Also, I'm no sociologist. But clearly things have changed in the last 100 years. In your grandparent's era, people who once got married, stayed married. Today, there's no-fault divorce, social media, high-visibil… | /r/Divorce_Men | 12/01/22 01:02 PM |
| 3 | Divorce in NYI thought it was Churchill who said that. But here are more: “Where there is no hope, it is incumbent on us to invent it.” “Forgive your enemies but not before they are hanged.” “Do what you can, with what you have, where you are.” “Life is hard. It’s harder if you're stupid.” “I'm guilty of giving people more chances than they deserve. But when I'm done, I'm done.” | /r/Divorce_Men | 10/01/22 06:52 PM |
| 0 | HelpStill have lots of ... sexual desire for her For the Love of God, whatever you do, don't get her pregnant again. Who knows? Maybe in the middle of the night, she'll come to you after a few glasses of wine. Go jerk it in the shower or whatever. Another kid is the last thing you need now. I understand the feelings. But use your big head. | /r/Divorce_Men | 10/01/22 06:50 PM |
| 12 | How do I not let my feelings towards my ex affect my children?Well, there is some truth to this. Plenty of young women who haven't seen their dad in years will tell you that their dad is an asshole and they're better off without him. I always wonder, "How the Hell do you know?" Sure, it might be true in some cases. But I'd bet that most of the time, they're echoing mom's words. And dad gave up the fight because it was just too much of an uphill struggle against the courts and lawyers, and it wore him down to the point that he had to give up for his own men… | /r/Divorce_Men | 10/01/22 06:44 PM |
| 6 | How do I not let my feelings towards my ex affect my children?This is a nice thought. But what happens when you realize the kids are being raised to hate you? And what happens when you hear those cunt's words coming out of the mouth of your babes? And what happens when the kids resent all your work and sacrifices? Rhetorical question; no need to try to answer. There is no answer. Eventually, you're a Party of One, totally on your own, wondering why you're alone if you're doing the right thing. When you die, there's no Gold Medal for "doing the right thing"… | /r/Divorce_Men | 10/01/22 06:40 PM |
| 3 | What do I do?About a week ago, there was a post in this subreddit from a sailor in the Navy. I'll iterate a comment a made to him. Just as there are Chiefs in the Navy, there are First Sergeants in the Army. Find some older, fatherly 1SG. They take care of their men. They've been around a long time and they've seen lots of shit come and go. They're not lawyers, obviously, so they can't give you legal advice per se. But they can certainly give you tips, guidance, insight, penance, wisdom and expectations. Fin… | /r/Divorce_Men | 09/01/22 06:39 AM |
| 2 | Money or children?I force my kids to ride stationary bikes, powering generators for my Bitcoin mining farm. Winning! | /r/Divorce_Men | 08/01/22 02:44 PM |
| 1 | Anyone had success in reducing alimony/child support?I don't think OP is asking how to qualify for a review. I think he's asking if the reviews actually work. | /r/Divorce_Men | 08/01/22 12:50 PM |
| 1 | Anyone had success in reducing alimony/child support?you need a change in circumstance I don't think anyone in this thread has actually read OP's question. He's not asking if he has a legal right to try something. He's asking if the mechanism actually works. | /r/Divorce_Men | 08/01/22 12:49 PM |
| 1 | Anyone had success in reducing alimony/child support?her boyfriend's income doesn't matter to the courts. Where did OP ever say anything like that? | /r/Divorce_Men | 08/01/22 12:47 PM |
| 1 | Anyone had success in reducing alimony/child support?Child support can be modified Yes, and it's also POSSIBLE, in theory, to lose 100 pounds in three months. But that wasn't the question OP asked. Getting child support reduced is very difficult. While you may have some theoretical 'right' to a 'review' (whatever the Hell those words mean to a judge), the truth is, NO ONE IS INTERESTED in lowering those payments. The state, the court, the child support enforcement agency.... they all make money from collections. So, why would they want to stop squ… | /r/Divorce_Men | 08/01/22 12:46 PM |
| 2 | Anyone had success in reducing alimony/child support?I don’t think who she’s dating would matter Well, if he's a Family Law attorney, then she has unlimited access to his advice for free. Or, at least, some of his golfing buddies are Family Law attorneys. It makes the fight that much more uphill. | /r/Divorce_Men | 08/01/22 12:43 PM |
| 2 | Whom should I hire ? small law firm (1-2 attorneys ) or big firm ?Try to do some research using open-source materials. Google is a good start, but any info could be useful. What I mean is: Look up people's names to see where they worked, who they worked with, what kind of cases they worked on. See if anyone complained about them. Use Google News or other legal look-up services to see what lawsuits they've been in (either as plaintiff or defendant). If you're in a small(-ish) town, lawyers all know each other. Some of them have an unspoken alliance. Or maybe th… | /r/Divorce_Men | 07/01/22 07:55 PM |
| 1 | Which European country is better for men to have a divorceOP, I don't know the answer to your question. But I'm very curious if the answer even exists. Can you really pick and choose the country in which you can be divorced? In the USA, sometimes there is discussion about jurisdiction and getting divorced in one state versus another state, as the laws vary. But shopping around for a favorable NATION seems daunting. Isn't there some residency or jurisdiction requirements? But, hey, I see the news. Recently, the ruler of the UAE was divorced in England, … | /r/Divorce_Men | 07/01/22 07:06 AM |
| 3 | What’s next?How long did you wait before trying again ... ? Trying what, exactly? Sex? For me, yes, right away. Great distraction. Maybe more of a self-medicating drug when depressed. But nevertheless, wonderful. But do you mean marriage? Love? Fuck, no. I'm old so maybe this doesn't resonate with younger men who still have more time left on Earth. But after a brutal divorce, I'm staying a million miles away from love and marriage and renewed fatherhood. I am quite literally shocked to see men quickly re-ma… | /r/Divorce_Men | 07/01/22 06:46 AM |
| 1 | Lonely in the Second Worst City in EuropeHey... Bratislava is hardly in a list of the worst cities in Europe. A few years ago, I hiked for a few weeks along the Danube from Vienna. I ended spending a few days in Bratislava just down the street from a bar called The Slovak Pub. I later learned it's ranked as one of the top 20 pubs in all of Europe. The women there were BEAUTIFUL and friendly. Just enough people spoke English so it was fairly easy to get by. And all the old leftover Soviet-era stuff was fun to see. And the thrill of simp… | /r/Divorce_Men | 06/01/22 10:14 PM |
| 7 | Share your gratitudeGratitude for the booze and hookers. I often joke about the "booze and hookers" schtick. It's true that I indulge in both. But, to me, it's shorthand for freedom. I do as I please with my time and money. My ex was a huge sexless money sink. The marriage had other problems, too, but endlessly worrying about financially supporting her bad decisions and her unwillingness to work is no longer on my radar. Let some other simp bankroll her bullshit. My money is mine; my time is mine; my hard work bene… | /r/Divorce_Men | 06/01/22 08:52 PM |
| 9 | Am I a tyrant? Growing resentment in a high functioning/under functioning relationship.My elderly mother -- who has seen it all, very Old School -- once told me that, in every couple, one person is a 'giver' and one person is a 'taker'. This is not automatically a problem. But everyone has their limits. It's clear which role you play, and it's clear your limits have been violated. she claims she feels like she’s walking on eggshells Wow. It never ceases to amaze me how so many divorces run from the same script, sometimes even literally the exact same words. I heard that phrase "wa… | /r/Divorce_Men | 06/01/22 08:37 PM |
| 2 | Lonely in the Second Worst City in EuropeManchester? Zagreb? Chisinau? | /r/Divorce_Men | 05/01/22 04:54 PM |
| 36 | Hello, so I just finished an appointment with my therapist and have come to the difficult decision of leaving my wife.It's really irresponsible and unprofessional for your therapist to diagnose major mental health disorders in someone they have never met. | /r/Divorce_Men | 05/01/22 03:52 PM |
| 1 | The sidebar says not trust family law attorneys what should I get to the regular attorney I'm waiting contact someone tomorrow to get this started and I don't know what to do I don't know what to prepare for and I am freaking out.not to trust family lawyers Well, yes and no. They're a necessary evil. At some point, you will probably need one. They're all scumbags. But, sometimes in life, you need to hire a scumbag for yourself. I understand you're terrified and freaking out. But about what, specifically? Do you have any specific questions? You wrote that you want your kids "safe and happy". Well, every parent wants their kids safe and happy. That doesn't help. What's going with your kids that they could be unsafe? | /r/Divorce_Men | 04/01/22 01:00 PM |
| 1 | What am I supposed to do?I was also ordered to pay retroactive support. Re-read the laws carefully. In general, retroactivity only goes back to the date the case was filed. But in my case, long story, but there were two separate cases in two different courts. My ex withdrew her first case, and re-filed in another court. It was a jurisdictional issue. But then she wanted retroactivity going back to the OLD filing date of the first case, the case that she withdrew. In other words, she tried to cheat me on the dates. The j… | /r/Divorce_Men | 04/01/22 12:39 PM |
| 2 | How do you all deal with the financial aspect of starting down the process?she will be so angry when I file This is what spins it out of control. My ex-wife's lawyer overtly advertises herself as an advocate for horribly abused women who are in pain and need a shoulder to cry on. And, of course, she pushes hard for litigation -- the worst kind of litigation -- and her motto is "I Don't Settle". Of course, I never hit my ex-wife or the kids. I gave them lots of money. But women love to hear that they've been "emotionally" abused, and start the "I'm the victim here" danc… | /r/Divorce_Men | 04/01/22 12:31 PM |
| 5 | How do you all deal with the financial aspect of starting down the process?we're worth over $1mil combined "CHA-CHING!" Your future lawyer and his local Lexus dealer thanks you for saving up a million dollars. | /r/Divorce_Men | 04/01/22 12:24 PM |
| 4 | Why divorce attorneys are so sloppy?Just a few hours ago, I made a comment on another thread about how "Get A Lawyer!" is such an overused mantra; it implies lawyers are superheroes who will save the day. If you go read my comment, I added that they need constant supervision. They can be sloppy and careless like anyone. As for online reviews, I can't possibly trust them anymore. Quick story: My first lawyer had very few (if any) reviews. I didn't like her and she bungled a few big things. I left a bad review about her (I can't rem… | /r/Divorce_Men | 03/01/22 06:00 PM |
| 3 | Where do I start?you’re a fool if you don’t have a reputable lawyer handling your case I appreciate the sentiment, but this mantra is dubious at best. Men here are encouraged to just sit back and relax with their divorce on cruise control, so long as a lawyer is ripping their wallet out of their asshole. My experience is that lawyers are, believe it or not, human as well. They're not Gods. They don't perform Black Magic. They need adult supervision because they make mistakes; they sometimes fail to see some nuan… | /r/Divorce_Men | 03/01/22 12:10 PM |
| 4 | Where do I start?Been going through the ringer I think you mean wringer. It's the device your great-grandmother used to do laundry. And, sorry to say, the real wringing hasn't even started yet. | /r/Divorce_Men | 03/01/22 12:06 PM |
| 3 | How to divorce while living in Japan with spouse? Tips?? Recommendations?Yeah, exactly, Just like I said. | /r/Divorce_Men | 02/01/22 08:28 PM |
| 2 | How to divorce while living in Japan with spouse? Tips?? Recommendations?I should have added this: I was in the Army, not Navy. But nevertheless, a good First Sergeant takes care of his men. You can approach some of them with personal problems and talk off-the-record. If they're older, they've seen all this shit a million times and can give you good advice that perhaps even JAG cannot. A good friend of mine is former Senior Chief Petty Officer, and he is this way, really took care of his sailors, gave great career advice and life advice. He'd been through a shit divo… | /r/Divorce_Men | 02/01/22 08:26 PM |
| 1 | Financial Settlement in MissouriI suspect this is generally true. But I challenge the idea there is no wiggle room at all. Yes, child support is a formula, but the inputs to the formula are the salaries of the parents. In this case, dad is arguing that mom COULD earn more. The mom could simply agree. Or, she could hire a lawyer and file counterarguments. And she could also argue that dad's theoretical bonus should be included in the calculation. What if mom gets COVID and can't work? There a million arguments to be made to adj… | /r/Divorce_Men | 02/01/22 12:41 PM |
| 2 | How to divorce while living in Japan with spouse? Tips?? Recommendations?You would have to file for divorce in the state you were married in Well, perhaps this is true in his case, if he hasn't been married very long. But this is not strictly true. Imagine a couple married in California, but then lived in Arizona together for 30 years before divorcing. I had a jurisdictional issue in my divorce. I was told that the state with jurisdiction is where the couple last lived together as man and wife. | /r/Divorce_Men | 02/01/22 12:28 PM |
| 6 | How to divorce while living in Japan with spouse? Tips?? Recommendations?I'm sure you're not the first sailor in the Navy to be in this position. Are you able to talk to a JAG legal officer for guidance? They certainly can't represent you, but perhaps they can provide some guidance and suggestions (?). My situation was different, but there was one common aspect: jurisdiction. It's possible that the only Family Court with the proper jurisdiction to divorce you is back where you last lived in the USA together as a married couple. In other words, you may be stuck divorc… | /r/Divorce_Men | 02/01/22 12:19 PM |
| 4 | How to Prepare for the First Marriage Counseling Sessionthere are some marriage counselors who are top-notch Maybe. But the husband and wife must both agree to stay and put in the work. It was my experience -- and it's shared by many other men -- that she just wanted a referee. Specifically, a referee to agree with her. I think she envisioned the two of them ganging-up on me. I remember one marriage counselor did not agree with my ex-wife at all, and challenged her on a few things. We never went back to her. My ex just shopped around for a referee sh… | /r/Divorce_Men | 02/01/22 11:22 AM |
| 4 | Is it illegal to talk about my divorce?This is a subject that interests me because I enjoy reading about First Amendment Supreme Court cases. I'm not a lawyer; I just like to read about certain subjects. I'm also divorced with kids. And like many divorced dads, I was ordered by the court to not discuss my divorce with the kids. At the time, I thought the order was dubious. I'm even more convinced today that it's unconstitutional and unenforceable. The judge has no power to restrain my free speech; not even Congress can do it. The jud… | /r/Divorce_Men | 02/01/22 11:03 AM |
| 2 | Is it illegal to talk about my divorce?Well, to be fair, you can't really call it a gag order if you voluntarily agreed to it. | /r/Divorce_Men | 02/01/22 10:53 AM |
| 3 | Equal Shared Parenting Bill in Ohio - Share!Who pushes for these laws? Men's groups. Who opposes them? Lawyers and women. That should tell you everything you need to know when some dolt starts claiming the Family Courts are gender-neutral and lopsided custody orders are a myth. | /r/Divorce_Men | 31/12/21 11:32 AM |
| 0 | Equal Shared Parenting Bill in Ohio - Share!I don't know the specifics of your case or the Arizona law. But I find it hard to believe the judge is COMPELLED to give shared custody in ALL CASES, without exception. If a man was endangering his kids, there should be a way for the judge to factor that in. And to play Devil's Advocate for a minute, you haven't really described any behavior which suggests he's a bad father. When you start to say, "Well, he doesn't have a job, so, therefore, his kids don't deserve to have a relationship with him… | /r/Divorce_Men | 31/12/21 11:28 AM |
| 2 | How much did you end up paying in child support?My ex was onboard with ... 50/50 ... until her lawyer ... explained [the money aspect] to her... What really chaps my ass is how willfully ignorant people can be who stand by the mantra, "Best Interests of the Children", when, if you look just barely under the surface, anyone can see that a lot of money is changing hands based on one decision about the kids. And people are stupid enough to believe that money has nothing to do with it? As in, "Here's a decision about the best interests of the kid… | /r/Divorce_Men | 31/12/21 11:11 AM |
| 1 | How much did you end up paying in child support?monied spouse Divorce has its own shitty language made up by lawyers. Instead of plain English, they make up these legalese-sounding phrases that really just sound retarded. Monied spouse is one of them. Back when you were happily married, did you ever introduce yourself as the "monied spouse"? And how about obligor and obligee? Who the Hell ever uses those words in everyday speech, unless it's some asshole lawyer talking about alimony? And arrears? I have a pretty good handle on English but I N… | /r/Divorce_Men | 31/12/21 11:02 AM |
| 2 | A little karma paid backTHIS!!! I would so do this, OP. It's proof that she's a bad mom who can be relied on to follow a schedule. She would do it to you. | /r/Divorce_Men | 30/12/21 10:43 AM |
| 2 | Want to hear a joke?Ah, the Fourteenth Amendment. Apparently, it says the queers can get married and women can kill their unborn babies. But after writing those laws, somehow, the Founding Fathers seemed to have omitted the idea that fathers have a right to raise their own children and enjoy their company. It makes you go, "Hmmmmmmm......." | /r/Divorce_Men | 27/12/21 10:05 PM |
| 4 | If You Feel Wronged By a Judge, There are Legal Remedies Which Can be Takenwhat will happen once they sign that marriage certificate Exactly. Sometimes, when a man is overwhelmed by his divorce, people will point out that he signed a marriage contract, and now, he has to live with the consequences. I think it's a bullshit argument. If you were to borrow as little as $20 from a bank, you would sign a loan contract. But the bank would be obligated to spell out all of the details ahead of time (e.g.: Truth-in-Lending laws, etc). And if there was ever a dispute about the l… | /r/Divorce_Men | 27/12/21 10:02 PM |
| 3 | If You Feel Wronged By a Judge, There are Legal Remedies Which Can be TakenI appreciate the post. And if anyone has complained about a judge with a successful outcome, more power to them. But I think that's rare and possibly just kicks the hornet's nest. At one of my many hearings, I discovered that the judge (a new judge) and the opposing lawyer were coworkers. I thought it was a slam-dunk case of conflict of interest. The judge ruled against me, obviously, but when I complained to the state judicial review, they assured me that judges are totally impartial, even if t… | /r/Divorce_Men | 27/12/21 09:55 PM |
| 2 | Your new rules... [my kids are] easily the best thing in my life ... I hear what you're saying. I really do. In fact, I can relate. But now, when I see a young man having kids -- a young man who would make a GREAT father -- all I see is risk. Sure, it's easy to say to kids mean everything. And truly, I believe it; I'm not here to belittle the sentiment. The problem comes later in Family Court. Those same kids can be taken from the dad by a stranger in a black robe who rules against him for ANY reason, or NO r… | /r/Divorce_Men | 26/12/21 10:19 PM |
| 0 | Help understanding parenting orderThe order is the order. That is a remarkably unhelpful answer. It doesn't sound as if OP's order contains any ambiguity, at least, not to him. Why would he get it modified? It appears to be an enforcement issue. | /r/Divorce_Men | 26/12/21 11:30 AM |
| 19 | Your new rulesInstead of sharing my own personal “rules”, I'll just add that having self-respect is a big part of it. Specifically, knowing your boundaries, setting your boundaries, and enforcing your boundaries. BTW, I'm one of those guys who evangelizes the book No More Mr. Nice Guy. I know not everyone here likes that book. For me, a skipped a few chapters that did not resonate with me. However, the author's message about boundaries is eye-opening and intensely thought-provoking. In my marriage, I allowed … | /r/Divorce_Men | 25/12/21 01:45 PM |
| 3 | First Christmas alone - any advice?Booze. Hookers. I've been drunk all day. My usual girl is working tonight (that is, her legit day job; she's a cop if you can believe it). But she'll be by on Christmas morning. My kids are at least 1000 miles away, ignoring me, hating me, and who knows what else. | /r/Divorce_Men | 25/12/21 12:17 AM |
| 4 | Empty home for the holidays: Parents who lost children to family court say system in need of reformLove your kids more And exactly how does this reduce the pain during holidays? | /r/Divorce_Men | 24/12/21 09:46 AM |
| 1 | Let’s support each other Holiday Edition: How do you spend your holiday when you don’t have kids? Share some things you’ve done:)Someone downvoted hookers? What kind of a limp-dick retarded faggot downvotes hookers for Christmas? | /r/Divorce_Men | 23/12/21 08:14 PM |
| 1 | Educational YouTube Video: How No-Fault Divorce Empowers the StateSo, now this is an attack on OP instead of the points made in the video? | /r/Divorce_Men | 21/12/21 04:01 PM |
| 1 | Educational YouTube Video: How No-Fault Divorce Empowers the StateI gave you time stamps and exact quotes Oh. You mean like this? "He says that divorces shouldn't be granted at 4:30". Well, I went back to 4:30 and listened. He didn't say that at all. So much for "exact quotes", genius. No one is triggered, except you. Literally the very first thing you complained about is that he's Catholic. I'm sorry some priest touched you when you were little. I'm sure you're cute; you should have held out for a bishop. Maybe therapy would help you. | /r/Divorce_Men | 21/12/21 04:00 PM |
| 1 | Educational YouTube Video: How No-Fault Divorce Empowers the StateNazi Germany Way to stay on-topic. | /r/Divorce_Men | 21/12/21 12:57 PM |
| 1 | Educational YouTube Video: How No-Fault Divorce Empowers the Statewomen ... should not have the right to divorce I think you're hijacking his point and twisting it around. What I heard is that divorce is a lawsuit (we don't normally call it a lawsuit, but it is). And a no-fault divorce GUARNATEES that the Plaintiff will win her lawsuit against the Defendant. No where else in our legal system do we guarantee or predict the results of a lawsuit like this. And very often (as evidenced by this subreddit), the losing litigant -- who was guaranteed to lose -- now ha… | /r/Divorce_Men | 21/12/21 12:55 PM |
| 3 | What I'm building based on my divorce experienceJust curious about security. Will all the data be encrypted with the USER's password so that no one, not even you, can read it? And perhaps it might be worth your time to ask a lawyer about how to avoid subpoenas from the opposing party. I'm no lawyer, but one idea that pops into my head is to call the vault a "workspace" for the user AND his lawyer. That way, everything inside is protected from subpoenas by the Work-Product Doctrine. | /r/Divorce_Men | 21/12/21 12:07 PM |
| 0 | Let’s support each other Holiday Edition: How do you spend your holiday when you don’t have kids? Share some things you’ve done:)hookers | /r/Divorce_Men | 21/12/21 12:00 PM |
| 6 | End is near - should I accept 2nd job offerIs there no end to this one-sided madness ... To add to the insanity, if these men -- who work as professional truck drivers -- fall behind on their payments for ANY reason, the first thing that happens is their driver's license gets revoked. Figure that one out. | /r/Divorce_Men | 19/12/21 12:31 AM |
| 19 | End is near - should I accept 2nd job offerTerrible idea. You should divorce at the LOW POINT of your earning ability. And extra income now will absolutely be used against you; you'll pay more in child support and alimony, and worst of all, you'll be expected to earn the extra income forever. Plenty of men have been burned by this phenomenon. Men who went to the oil fields in the Dakotas, for example, found themselves earning six figures, got married, had a kid, then got divorced, THEN, the oil jobs dried-up, sending their income back be… | /r/Divorce_Men | 18/12/21 03:37 PM |
| 11 | Wife is now requesting alimony but im unemployedThis one is tricky, and it depends on a number of factors, including the attitude of the judge. I'll start with something obvious: People sometime try to decrease their income just before a divorce for a financial advantage. This can take place in many forms, such as my ex-wife (who worked full-time for years but mysteriously became 'disabled' just in time for our divorce). It can also be a parent who adjusts their career to "spend more time with the kids". The court can impute income to someone… | /r/Divorce_Men | 18/12/21 03:29 PM |
| 1 | My amicable divorce is less amicable every day.Someone has probably informed her ... OP, I have to agree. My divorce began very civilized. In fact, I remember thinking it was going to be Walk In The Park compared to some horror stories I'd heard. My STBXW (at the time) and I agreed on most everything, including the big things. But then she started listening to a lawyer on the side, the kind of family law attorney that gives all lawyers a bad name. In fact, right on her lawyer's website, her lawyer says horribly abused wives can cry on her sh… | /r/Divorce_Men | 18/12/21 11:59 AM |
| 6 | bullsh*t temporary orders sticking as permanentDo temporary orders pre-trial really stick ... ? In my experience, yes, but my experience did not include any medical needs of the child. Maybe this is a dumb question, but why can't the answer simply be, "I have a plan in place, written by a doctor, to deal with the eczema when in my care."? | /r/Divorce_Men | 18/12/21 11:50 AM |
| 12 | I don't think I can hang on any longerDamn, brother. This sounds unbearable. I often say, “every man has his boiling point”. It sounds like you're already there. Be careful. the divorce papers ... it's utterly surreal and full of lies, half-truths, and a complete re-writing of history This is par for the course with scumbag lawyers. When I first read my ex-wife's filing, I literally laughed. It was absurd. Like you said, a total re-write of history. But it taught me a lesson. When I first replied to her lawyer's discovery questions,… | /r/Divorce_Men | 18/12/21 11:45 AM |
| 2 | Advantages of self-representing?I'll add this: No one knows your case better than you. Of course, a lawyer can put your case into some legal context. But you aren't your lawyer's only client. Only you know all the specific little details. Most of those details are probably worthless at trial. But, once in a while, you realize you're sitting on something valuable. For me, for example, I was out walking one day and I realized that two of my STBXW's arguments were contradictory. I knew she was lying, but now I realized I could pr… | /r/Divorce_Men | 17/12/21 10:29 AM |
| 14 | Just a note, banned from r/coparenting for telling a dad to demand 50/50 custody because "that's sexist"Not surprised. Divorce and custody discussions often show up on several other subreddits. When a woman on Reddit is in a relationship with a man she no longer loves, and they have a kid, I'm shocked by how many users will basically say, "Take the kid and run." But there's no mention of him being a bad father. But there's always an assumption that she should get custody. Can you imagine if I encouraged another man to take his child from his mother? And run? And then put her on child support? | /r/Divorce_Men | 16/12/21 09:48 PM |
| 11 | Support GroupSorry, but my Friday nights are reserved for booze and hookers and crying myself to sleep once I get black-out drunk. The girl I have lined-up for tomorrow night is cute and has a nice body; a little Christmas gift to myself. | /r/Divorce_Men | 16/12/21 03:51 PM |
| 3 | Custody picking up and dropping offI think it all boils down to how well you get along with your ex. My ex is hostile and disagreeable in every way possible. I'm sure if I sent a proxy to pick up the kids (even if it's someone I trust), she would say, "I'm not handing the kids over to a stranger!" Or, just to be a bitch, she'd say the proxy was drunk or angry or creepy or whatever. For some people, it's all about power. As long as the caregiver gets your kid there on time, and your ex is cool, why would there be a problem? Is the… | /r/Divorce_Men | 16/12/21 10:13 AM |
| 7 | Loneliness - Not sure about you but I felt more alone in the marriage than after it.I don't want to be alone, I want to be left alone. | /r/Divorce_Men | 16/12/21 01:02 AM |
| 1 | I did the thing.I am ... a coward for running from my problems Two drowning people is not an improvement over one drowning person. | /r/Divorce_Men | 16/12/21 12:56 AM |
| 4 | Considering leaving, but I was unfortunately born with testiclesIs this a serious question? If so, you are lost in a forest, son. Google that shit, right quick. | /r/Divorce_Men | 16/12/21 12:54 AM |
| 3 | What are your experiences?Wow, great username. Serious. Especially given the subreddit. | /r/Divorce_Men | 16/12/21 12:48 AM |
| 3 | Can y’all help out with some advice? Or just lend an ear?Wow, sorry it's happening. I can sympathize; you and I are the same age with teens who have emotional problems. What's different in our cases is that my ex-wife pushed VERY hard for full custody at any cost -- even hiring a scumbag lawyer to suborn perjury, leaving me with shit visitation. But if you don't have to contend with an overprotective mamma, maybe you have some choices here. Of course, the kids will both turn 18 in a few years, so the child issue sorta slowly disappears. Just curious: … | /r/Divorce_Men | 15/12/21 12:25 PM |
| 6 | First time meeting with ex wife after 2 of divorceyou've [already] made peace, let it lie OP, this sums it up. | /r/Divorce_Men | 13/12/21 12:54 PM |
| 5 | First time meeting with ex wife after 2 of divorceYou're a better man than me. If I saw that bitch again, I'd choke her. | /r/Divorce_Men | 13/12/21 12:52 PM |
| 4 | Expectation is the source of suffering. - BuddhaI still catch myself expecting that she's going to hold herself to some type of standard I've given up on the ex-wife. She will never, ever, ever admit that she's done anything wrong, even in the face of irrefutable evidence. It's in her wiring. There are two wires touching inside of her head that shouldn't be. But, the thing for me... I still catch myself expecting THE SYSTEM to realize its mistake and apply some standard to itself. I know you don't know the details of my case, but the lawyers … | /r/Divorce_Men | 13/12/21 12:50 PM |
| 5 | Before having the talk and dealing with all this inner conflict, it certainly helps to research places and things you want to do once you are free.2 months R & R over in Thailand Our brother-in-arms /u/pegleg_legal lives in Thailand. He's a frequent contributor to this subreddit. Maybe hit him with a DM. Personally, I think he's a bit of an asshole. But that's okay; I'm surely a much bigger asshole. If I were in Thailand, I'd still shake his hand and buy him a beer. I think all of us here are assholes.... we've survived too much endless stress and witnessed too much needless destruction to be polite. And it's true, misery loves company. | /r/Divorce_Men | 13/12/21 12:40 PM |
| 4 | Before having the talk and dealing with all this inner conflict, it certainly helps to research places and things you want to do once you are free.Peru was one of the first places I went. Even if you plan to skip Lima and head out into the country, at least spend a night in the Miraflores neighborhood of Lima. Have a beer at Larcomar (here is my photo of my first beer there; truly a celebration of freedom). Plus, there is a long, continuous walking path in both directions for a few miles, up and down the coast. Great views with every step. A nice place to walk and think and have a silent communion with God. | /r/Divorce_Men | 13/12/21 12:36 PM |
| 2 | Temporary custody caseSuper Agree. If someone can't afford a lawyer, then THEY DESERVE to lose their kids and lose everything else, too. You nailed it; Family Court is not about justice or fairness or the best interests of the kids. It's to PUNISH the parent who is retarded enough to believe that they don't need or can't afford a scumbag lawyer who charges $400/hour. Fucking idiots. For me, I spent $25,000 on lawyers, but my ex-wife spent $30,000. So, she won. All that matters to the judge is how much you spent. | /r/Divorce_Men | 12/12/21 11:48 AM |
| 4 | Looking to Hear Stores / Asking for AdviceMy definition of value is what someone can offer that I can't get on my own Sir, the answer is in the question. What benefit does marriage provide? Today, a man can have a rewarding, fulfilling life without being married. He can have a deep, meaningful, committed, sexual relationship with a woman. He can have a great career and financial success. He can plan for his retirement, and even have children. He can do all of this without being married. So, tell me, what benefits do marriage really brin… | /r/Divorce_Men | 11/12/21 08:31 PM |
| 1 | Got a 2nd job and almost entire check has been garnished.I appreciate the input. This is certainly one of those "Your Mileage May Vary" things. If you had no issues in court, then good for you. But I can assure you from personal experience, it does not always go so smoothly. And my bit about needing a lawyer is really an echo from other divorce subreddits where everyone is always encouraged to get a lawyer, always, for everything, even if you're broke. In my case, my ex-wife hired a lawyer to oppose my motion and bogged me down with countermotions. A … | /r/Divorce_Men | 11/12/21 01:33 AM |
| 4 | Got a 2nd job and almost entire check has been garnished.... can't exceed 55% ... ... the rule ... This topic comes up often. If you try to Google the answer, you'll get various “rules” all over the place. Everyone agrees they can't take 100%, but exactly what is the limit? Who knows. I've seen copies of paystubs posted online that show child support deductions of 60%, 70%, 80% and so on. Yes, they could have been Photoshopped. It's possible. But it's also VERY possible that some child support agency has screwed up. And if it happens to you, a simple … | /r/Divorce_Men | 10/12/21 04:14 PM |
| 14 | Got a 2nd job and almost entire check has been garnished.It's never the Child Support offices' fault. It's never the Employer's fault. But I still the up holding the bag. Why is that I'm the only person ever held accountable for anything? Damn, brother. Sorry it's all happening. As the saying goes, no good deed goes unpunished. Just this morning, I was ranting over on some other thread about how the child support agencies are just plain bad at their job. But it seems to be by design, with a motive. If they were truly just sloppy and careless, errors w… | /r/Divorce_Men | 10/12/21 04:07 PM |
| 4 | 25 Years and Ending it Todayfor my own sanity I felt I had to do this Check out my username. You are not alone. | /r/Divorce_Men | 09/12/21 09:54 PM |
| 14 | What do you think?People are not ... liabilities I'd like you to meet my ex-wife. | /r/Divorce_Men | 09/12/21 03:45 PM |
| 19 | What do you think?If you replace the word “woman” with “wife”, I would agree with you. But when evaluating the ROI with any or all women, you need to explore the entire possibility space. Example: In the past, I rented a few hours of time from a lovely young woman with a smoking hot body. I knew her cost, up-front, no hidden fees. We had plenty of fun in bed. She was beautiful, funny, drama-free, and happy to be with me. Maybe she was pretending to be happy, but, at this point, what's the fucking difference? Is y… | /r/Divorce_Men | 09/12/21 12:28 PM |
| 0 | I want to build something...What a brilliant, useless slogan. You should copyright it before some scoundrel steals it. | /r/Divorce_Men | 01/12/21 08:54 PM |
| 22 | It's rarely about the child(ren)You're preaching to the preachers, brother. | /r/Divorce_Men | 29/11/21 05:42 PM |
| 2 | Marital AssetMarriage is an unconscionable contract With only changing a few words, THIS VIDEO shows exactly how the marriage contract is handled in Family Court. | /r/Divorce_Men | 25/11/21 12:43 PM |
| 1 | Marital Assetselfish thinking Oh My God, you're right. You've convinced me. I'm really starting to come around on this issue. How dare these men think of themselves while getting divorced raped by a selfish lawyer and a selfish ex-wife? | /r/Divorce_Men | 25/11/21 09:54 AM |
| 1 | Marital Asseta debt you will have to repay for the time she spent with you Yep. While she was on her back, the meter was running. | /r/Divorce_Men | 25/11/21 09:51 AM |
| 1 | Marital AssetI HAD TO GIVE UP MY CAREER FOR THE FAMILY This well-known motto of divorcing women is such a sham. When I hear it, I always think they're leaving out one vital factor: They chose their role in the marriage. Not all marriages are alike; I realize that. But this template is common: Young couple gets married, and the man goes off to work 60 hours a week in a career that's relevant to his education. Sure, she works, too. But sooner or later, Baby Fever hits, especially after she sees her friends on … | /r/Divorce_Men | 25/11/21 09:48 AM |
| 1 | Marital AssetThe law is the law. Only someone who's been to law school would believe something so stupid like this. | /r/Divorce_Men | 25/11/21 09:41 AM |
| 4 | That moment when she confused me giving up for "acceptance"It's because I don't care anymore I've always believed that hate is NOT the opposite of love. In fact, hate and love are close cousins. When feelings are intense, it's easy to shift between these emotions. So, what's the opposite of love? Indifference. Not giving a fuck. I think it goes for both men and women. When a woman you love has totally lost interest, that hurts the most. So, you probably hurt her with the comment, OP, but at least you're emotionally free. Can't put a price on that. | /r/Divorce_Men | 24/11/21 12:43 PM |
| 2 | Court-Ordered Mediation - Usefulness is the Exception, Not the Rule - Manage your Expectations and Resourcesunless your case is ripe for settlement, don't ... hope One small correction. Unless both parties think your case is ripe for settlement, don't ... hope. I was certain that my divorce would be settled or mediated. A trial would have been expensive and pointless; there wasn't much to fight over and we already agreed on some big issues. But, she had a cunty lawyer (as many Family Law attorneys are) who assured her -- PROMISED her, actually -- that should could get 100% of everything if we went to … | /r/Divorce_Men | 16/11/21 11:32 AM |
| 11 | Things I’ve Done On My OwnMy house is clean and in order! Here was my lightbulb moment (on top of everything else): the clutter. Holy shit. A while ago, I was watching old home videos that I shot with a camcorder (pre-smartphone days). I happened to record inside our master bedroom when I was married. I hadn't lived there for years, but I was shocked. CLUTTER. EVERYWHERE. Stacks of old magazines. Stacks of Amazon boxes. Every flat surface covered with SOMETHING. Unfinished art projects, half-read books, unopened mail, sh… | /r/Divorce_Men | 16/11/21 11:14 AM |
| 4 | Not sure if I can keep doing thisI'm struggling with breaking up my family because im not getting laid enough... lol LOL? Are you entitled to joy or not? Apologies for being really blunt, but your post has "limp dick" written all over it. You emphasize how try to see things from her POV, and not "attack" her when you're forced into a joyless marriage. The fucking "LOL" is what seals it. There are certain expectations in a marriage. If you quit your job and sat on the couch all day playing video games, believe me, your wife woul… | /r/Divorce_Men | 16/11/21 10:53 AM |
| 1 | Need help with my divorce caseI'm sorry to hear it all. The situation sucks; there's no doubt. First, apologies for being blunt, but the infidelity doesn't matter. I'm sure it matters to you personally. You're getting victimized twice. But it changes nothing in your divorce. Yes, I know you were a victim, but the hard truth is that no one cares now. Mentioning it only dilutes your story. (But, are you sure the kid is yours? Even if he's not, you waited nine years. A court might not really care.) Second, why is 50/50 custody … | /r/Divorce_Men | 13/11/21 02:29 PM |
| 3 | So confused and heart broken but doing this to save my life and help my children (could use advice)she refuses to let me take [the kids] to any type of specialist, doctor Take them anyway. I'm serious. Just make the appointment and take them. Are they not your kids, too? Do your kids not depend on you to make good decisions on their behalf? I agree with /u/dday_throwaway3 -- you need to set some boundaries and put yourself first. If you decide to pull the pin on the Divorce Grenade, this advice goes 100-fold. She will try to control you and the money and the kids forever by using the courts. | /r/Divorce_Men | 13/11/21 01:40 PM |
| 0 | Another Man Will Have More Time With My Child Than MeTo /u/flapjackdavis and any other limp dick who was offended that I went after Hillary, maybe this will soothe your injuries. HERE IS Michelle Obama getting a laugh when she suggests that a nation without leadership is like "living with your divorced dad". Get it? It's funny because men are totally irresponsible for their own kids!!! Gosh, that's hilarious. | /r/Divorce_Men | 10/11/21 04:14 PM |
| 9 | Almost teared up in front of policeBrother, I sympathize. There's a reason false abuse accusations are called the "silver bullet". My situation nearly came to this, but not quite. I'm going to change gears on you here. Bear with me. During my divorce, I learned the hard way to appreciate the Fifth Amendment. Everyone who's watched police TV shows in America knows the Miranda Warning: "You have the right to remain silent..." This right extends to civil procedures. It gets a little complicated, but the bottom line is that you are n… | /r/Divorce_Men | 10/11/21 02:15 AM |
| 3 | Another Man Will Have More Time With My Child Than MeThe judge is known as a 'mommy judge' by reputation Wow. The stories just write themselves. I've been back to court several times. One time, I thought I had a good case and everything was lined-up. I had a lawyer who had a handle on everything, all the right paperwork was filed, and so on. But then he discovered the name of the judge who would be hearing the case. I could hear the sigh in his voice. The exact quote from the lawyer: "She hates fathers". The judged looked like Roz from Monsters, I… | /r/Divorce_Men | 09/11/21 02:10 PM |
| 2 | Another Man Will Have More Time With My Child Than Meif the genders had been reversed Yesterday, over on the 2x subreddit, a hot topic was, quite literally, how inappropriate it is to say "if the genders had been reversed". And here's what women REALLY think of dads who use that phrase in the context of custody... https://old.reddit.com/r/TwoXChromosomes/comments/qos1i4/im_sick_of_men_saying_what_if_the_genders_were/hjre7wm/ | /r/Divorce_Men | 09/11/21 02:02 PM |
| 8 | Another Man Will Have More Time With My Child Than MeI don’t really know about all that That's right. YOU. DON'T. KNOW. So thanks for your worthless contribution. And yes, I railed against Hillary. So what? The woman who nearly became president doesn't think that kids need a father? That's pretty fucking frightening. Do you have anything but insults to defend your position? "Incels"? We're all fathers here. If you had a brain, you'd realize that's the opposite of celibacy. | /r/Divorce_Men | 09/11/21 01:57 PM |
| 12 | Another Man Will Have More Time With My Child Than MeNow you see the end results The results go deeper. Sometimes we don't see them for years. I truly believe that fatherless children grow up with a huge handicap. It goes for a child of either sex, but I think fatherless boys have unique problems. Look at boys who grow up to be school shooters, Incels, angry men, prisoners, drop-outs, suicides, drug abusers, etc... what do they all have in common? No dad in the picture. It boils my blood to see women celebrating single motherhood. Especially this … | /r/Divorce_Men | 09/11/21 12:14 AM |
| 28 | Another Man Will Have More Time With My Child Than MeAnother Man Will Have More Time With My Child Than Me But at least you'll still get to pay for the kid, right?? Sorry, man. Dark humor. I can sympathize. My kids are being raised by lesbians who hate me (friends of the ex). Not quite the same, but I know how it feels. | /r/Divorce_Men | 09/11/21 12:10 AM |
| 1 | Ex-Wife Wants to Teach 5yo About GendersThe bits in your pants don’t matter Wow. There's a statement I thought I'd never see on this sub. So, when you have sex with someone, it doesn't matter to you what they have going on downstairs? Do you think this belief is common, or should be? Are you going to tell your kid that a penis and a vagina are the same thing? Are you one of those "menstruating men" I've heard about? Good luck with that. | /r/Divorce_Men | 09/11/21 12:05 AM |
| 18 | Family court is a damn jokeBrother, you're sure to get plenty of sympathy here, but not much in the way of actual advice, unfortunately. We all have our own story; some are different but many are the same. It's rare that any man will come out of Family Court thinking, "Wow, that was a pleasant experience hosted by competent professionals who really care about their job." My judge was a retarded clown who fell asleep during testimony and violated the US Constitution more than once. I honestly believe he made up his mind ab… | /r/Divorce_Men | 08/11/21 04:23 PM |
| 1 | My neighbor has wanted to go on a bike ride with meReminds me of a video a saw a few years ago. The intended audience is black American men. But I say it's just as valid for all American men. The part that reminded me starts at 10:20... https://youtu.be/hwGWCyfPHz8?t=620 | /r/Divorce_Men | 08/11/21 01:08 PM |
| 0 | How do you react to your well-meaning friends trying to "set you up"?“I am Jack's complete lack of surprise. I am Jack's Broken Heart.” | /r/Divorce_Men | 07/11/21 10:53 PM |
| 6 | Well it happened just like you guys said it would!I'm a "violent-toxic-pervert narcissist--manipulator-codependent". Sounds familiar. But you forgot 'gaslighting'. Speaking of that ... I was in therapy for 8 months before she left, convincing me I needed to work on this Sounds about right. My ex INSISTED that I was the crazy one. For a while, I was convinced. I saw a few therapists, and I tried to keep an open mind. But none of it made any sense. No explanation seemed to explain anything. None of the books they suggested resonated with me. And … | /r/Divorce_Men | 06/11/21 12:56 PM |
| 3 | Well it happened just like you guys said it would!That there has been no joy in her life since marrying me. I asked her, what about the past few months where you have been lovey dovey, happy, smiling, etc. I got photo proof. (emphasis mine) Wow, it really is amazing how the same 'script' shows up over and over again. Here's something I noticed about my ex as the marriage started to fail: Her complaints and observations were not falsifiable. Fancy word, I know. I'm not necessarily insisting she made false statements. I'm saying her statements co… | /r/Divorce_Men | 06/11/21 12:46 PM |
| 5 | Well it happened just like you guys said it would!Maybe. My ex wanted to sabotage my career out of pure spite. If OP has a career that requires a background check, his wife's filing of a false report of violence, or even getting a restraining order, will show up. There was a MGTOW Redditor here years ago who was in that situation. He went from making $200k+ to zero because no one would hire him. But he still had big alimony and child support payments to make. He expected to be jailed. He was considering suicide. He never posted again after that… | /r/Divorce_Men | 06/11/21 12:38 PM |
| 8 | Well it happened just like you guys said it would!all your time, love, money and hard work will ... go unappreciated she will tell everyone ... that she was mistreated There is so much truth in all of these comment. But this one really hit home for me. The ex set the financial tone of the marriage at first. Lots of cash coming in, but going out just as fast. Nice things, nice houses, nice cars. But she ignored taxes, didn't manage debt, really built a house of cards. We lost everything (foreclosure, bankrupt, etc). Being “The Man” that I was ex… | /r/Divorce_Men | 06/11/21 12:30 PM |
| 1 | Why do we have to be enemies?She turned into a narcissistic So, being a narcissist is a choice? It's not programmed at birth? Interesting. | /r/Divorce_Men | 04/11/21 03:58 PM |
| 1 | Why do we have to be enemies?Who said anything about "best friends"? Either I want to literally rip her heart out of her chest -- or we stay best friends? Those are the two options? | /r/Divorce_Men | 04/11/21 03:58 PM |
| 2 | So, I guess its a process?I was actually enjoying not being yelled and screamed at In Bill Burr's standup routine, he made a good point. I'm paraphrasing. He said there's something worse than being homeless and sleeping on the floor, on a futon, at a friend's house. He said you could be living in a half-million dollar house, sleeping in a king sized bed, lying next to a wife who HATES YOUR GUTS and can destroy you at any time. | /r/Divorce_Men | 04/11/21 03:50 PM |
| 2 | Amazing Resource For Those Dealing With Narcissists. (So Pretty Much Everyone Here)So Pretty Much Everyone Here Well, at least you acknowledge that. I swear, "narcissist" is the #1 trendy, hip, overused word on Reddit. It started in the female subreddits, but now it's leaking over here. Truth: At least from the female perspective, 99% of the time, the diagnosis of "narcissism" was made by someone with ZERO qualifications in mental health (“But I read the Wikipedia page”). Truth: "Narcissist" just means asshole now. Or, simply, disagreeable. Truth: This one is a shocker. So hol… | /r/Divorce_Men | 04/11/21 03:39 PM |
| 2 | Why do we have to be enemies?At least sometimes, I blame the lawyers and the legal system. At first, my divorce was quite civil and friendly. We would even go out to eat as a family with the kids. We lived apart, but I was welcomed in her home. But, then came her scumbag lawyer who wanted to whip everything up into a fight. My ex was too stupid to see that she was being manipulated into billable hours. Suddenly, my ex's head was filled with all kinds of volatile - and false - beliefs about me. Suddenly, I was trying to chea… | /r/Divorce_Men | 04/11/21 03:28 PM |
| 0 | Lawyer concernsit's one-tenth of an hour billed to you Those Lexus payments aren't going to pay themselves. | /r/Divorce_Men | 04/11/21 02:57 PM |
| 1 | Lawyer concerns1: The lawyer works for you. He is your employee. Would you tolerate this behavior from an employee? 2: I would want to be CC:'ed on all incoming and outgoing e-mails. But, moreover, Discovery is a chance to not only get financial statements (which is standard), but you can throw in a few personalized questions if you think the answers will help your case. My lawyer and I -- TOGETHER -- wrote the Discovery questions. After all, I know my own case better than any attorney. And I read the response… | /r/Divorce_Men | 04/11/21 02:53 PM |
| 0 | What should I do if anything about my 401k and IRA before I file. 2 kidsThis message brought to you by the American Bar Association. Pay your lawyer even if your kids go hungry. Those Lexus payments aren't going to make themselves! | /r/Divorce_Men | 02/11/21 01:57 AM |
| 1 | Zoom Group Support experimentYeah, I'm kinda thinking the same. A major aspect of AA is to have the members admit to God they are powerless over their addiction. Now, when I was 17, it's probably true that I was powerless over my hormone-driven lust. But I'm no longer 17. I've been burnt. So, it seems to me God has lost this round. I am NOT powerless over myself when it comes to marriage. Believe me, I'm never putting myself in that position again. I'm in charge. I choose my destiny, not some woman. So, yeah, I'm kinda wond… | /r/Divorce_Men | 02/11/21 01:52 AM |
| 1 | If you are a citizen and were traumatized after the government separated you from your kids in Family Court, no one cares. But if you're an illegal alien and the government traumatized you by taking your kids, you've hit the jackpot.Oh, I'm sorry I stepped on your delicate ego. I didn't realize you are the good Nazi. Well, good luck with your career. You do realize, don't you, that Family Courts are immense money-making cartel? It has the power and momentum of God (and the same self-righteous attitude). You really think you're going to change that? Maybe they don't teach critical thinking at your law school. It's a system that needs to be burned to the ground, not another Band Aid. Just because you're helping to destroy lit… | /r/Divorce_Men | 30/10/21 06:08 PM |
| 4 | Even Brad Pitt can’t get 50/50. Brad Pitt's Petition is Denied in Custody Battle With Angelina Jolieringer I think you mean wringer. It's the thing your great-grandmother used to do the laundry. It looks like this. | /r/Divorce_Men | 29/10/21 07:12 AM |
| 2 | If you are a citizen and were traumatized after the government separated you from your kids in Family Court, no one cares. But if you're an illegal alien and the government traumatized you by taking your kids, you've hit the jackpot.Shocker. The lawyer-in-training defends and looks up to the actual lawyers who destroy families. I guess those Lexus payments aren't going to pay themselves. | /r/Divorce_Men | 29/10/21 07:06 AM |
| 6 | I fucked upSo, are you still legally married now? I'm happy to hear you have an agreement and I hope it sticks. When you said "11 years", my thinking is that she knew the marriage was over at nine years, but dragged it out to get to the 10-year goal line. In some states, a 10-year marriage is considered "long-term" and some of the rules change (worse for the man). Anyway, that was my first thought. I had a lot of evidence on her for adultery But will you use it? No-fault divorce is extremely common today. … | /r/Divorce_Men | 28/10/21 12:44 PM |
| 1 | Seeking some advice so I can manage my expectationsShe was unstable before pregnancy I'm sympathetic, and I understand you're here to ask for advice. But damn, what were you thinking? There's a reason for the old saying, "Don't put your dick in crazy". I'm not psychologist either, but trying to diagnose her mental health while she's pregnant seems impossible. It's like trying to measure someone's aptitude to solve puzzles -- while they're having a stroke. And what you describe is not NPD. It's someone who's an asshole. Just accept that she's an … | /r/Divorce_Men | 28/10/21 12:34 PM |
| 4 | Did you get yourself a "Divorce Present"?Thailand. It's Disneyland for your penis | /r/Divorce_Men | 28/10/21 12:24 PM |
| 2 | Divorce after 60The only thing I would be worried about is my retirement. Maybe go see a lawyer for an hour and talk about how this impacts retirement, especially if you've feathered a nice little nest for yourself. It would be a pretty fucking rude awakening to turn 68 and realize that you have to live on only half of what you expected every month, and writing monthly alimony checks when you're 90. I got divorced at 44. I have time to recover, but wow, it sure put a 6-digit hole in my retirement savings. That'… | /r/Divorce_Men | 25/10/21 12:33 PM |
| 4 | Ex posting to social mediaGreat advice when you're not facing a deadline every month to send her money. Great advice when you're not going back to court every few months to argue with some scumbag lawyer or some retarded clown in a black robe. Great advice when you don't have to worry about not seeing your kids. Great advice when your own kids don't hate you after the brainwashing. | /r/Divorce_Men | 24/10/21 07:06 PM |
| 9 | Ex posting to social mediaIn your bullet points, you forgot "gaslighting". Oh, how I love this trendy new psychobabble word. No one ever used that word 10 or 15 years ago. Now, it's everywhere. And the word actually has a definition. It's making someone believe they are crazy through trickery and deception. But no longer. At least, not to women. Now, merely telling a woman she's wrong, directly, to her face, with no trickery or deception involved, makes you guilty of "gaslighting" her. And of course, it's because you're … | /r/Divorce_Men | 24/10/21 07:02 PM |
| 0 | I have no idea what to do.clean her out ... get as much as you can Yes, abuse the Family Courts purely to be a vengeful asshole. Who cares if another human being is totally ruined? Hire some scumbag lawyer who will suborn perjury. Become part of the problem. Abandon any morals or ethics. Just rip her fucking heart out in bloody, nasty, tearful fight to the death. God Bless the Family Courts!!!! Whatever you do, don't make divorce any less unpleasant than you can, especially with kids involved. | /r/Divorce_Men | 23/10/21 04:59 PM |
| 2 | Reflecting on the covert narcissist divorce early stage...6 months removed.It's bad enough that every woman on Reddit was married to, or dated, a narcissist. Is it now leaking over to the male subreddits? I'm so tired of narcissism being the focus of every breakup. It's an absurdly overused word to the point of being meaningless. Narcissist just means 'asshole' or 'disagreeable' now. And people are shocked when they discover the person they're divorcing is a disagreeable asshole. Once in a while, someone will boast there's been an actual mental health diagnosis by a me… | /r/Divorce_Men | 21/10/21 05:52 PM |
| 2 | Bank and credit card statementsI assume you're talking about Discovery. That's when each side can ask the other side for documents. There are valid objections to Discovery. One of them is relevance. In the past, I have submitted documents with certain information redacted. That is, get a thick Sharpie marker and blot out certain lines like you see in Top Secret documents released to the press. But, be aware, it draws attention. Obviously, they'll think you're hiding something juicy. The other side can ask for a hearing and no… | /r/Divorce_Men | 21/10/21 03:24 AM |
| 1 | Will she actually regret it?unphased I think you mean unfazed. The root of the word is feeze, which means to frighten or alarm. And no, she will never regret it. At least, she'll never tell you. | /r/Divorce_Men | 21/10/21 03:11 AM |
| 1 | I’m a good husband, but she has unrealistically high expectations of me.You know what would be great? [coming home] to a wife that was ... happy to see me Wow, sir, out of all you wrote, this resonated with me the most. The money, the lack of intimacy, the job, the years of dedication, for me it boiled down to one thing. After my divorce, it actually SHOCKED me a little to have a woman who was happy to see me and really wanted to be with me. It was an unexpected drug; it's truly a 'high' I hadn't experienced in years. I have a long story, but the short version is I … | /r/Divorce_Men | 18/10/21 05:00 PM |
| 3 | Post-seperation dating pettinessThis retarded meme gets re-posted from time to time. It's silly, but it's amazing how much truth is in it... http://190.97.162.68/7r6qe0wjcdv01.png | /r/Divorce_Men | 17/10/21 03:19 PM |
| 2 | What do you wish you had done differentlyTo add to #3, secure your devices. If your opponent has any technical skill, use caution about which devices you use (e.g.: logging in on a shared family PC, etc). To emphasize #5, stop using Facebook completely. It takes restraint for some people. Or, if you use it, just post totally neutral messages like "Merry Christmas everyone." Always keep in mind that every single post and like and comment and photos will be scrutinized. | /r/Divorce_Men | 17/10/21 02:59 PM |
| 5 | What do you wish you had done differentlyLower my income. I was a high-income earner for a few years before the divorce. She had worked and earned plenty during the marriage, sometimes MORE than me. But I think she was getting advice from a lawyer LONG before she plugged the ripcord. And I think the lawyer told her to establish herself as a SAHM while I earned big paychecks. It was a perfect setup. Although we had the same earning capacity, when it came to divorce, I was cornered when it came time to calculate support payments. The jud… | /r/Divorce_Men | 17/10/21 02:51 PM |
| 1 | I want to watch her entire world crumble ten fold what she has dont to me.The best revenge is living well https://youtu.be/0XmDt5obtHo Sorry OP, was meant as a joke. It's the first thing that came to mind. | /r/Divorce_Men | 17/10/21 02:45 PM |
| 3 | How would you advice a guy in his early twenties to date?Fifteen minutes. It's all I ask. Just 15 minutes of your time. If you've never heard of Turd Flinging Monkey (yes, that's the name he's given himself), he spends 15 minutes pointing out how there's no benefit to marriage when you're a man in America today. It's worth 15 minutes of your time. https://youtu.be/ampmFHg-kcE | /r/Divorce_Men | 16/10/21 01:32 PM |
| 2 | How would you advice a guy in his early twenties to date?Watch for the bait and switch OP, take heed. Yes, you can meet a girl who's your "equal" in that she's educated and employed and into all the cool things. But I've seen it happen, not only to myself but other men. In fact, a good friend of mine got married to woman who seemed equal to him. He had a very active career that required travel. She gladly went with him. But when asked if they'd have kids, he would nod 'no' and she would nod 'yes'. That's funny, but a year later she got 'accidentally' … | /r/Divorce_Men | 16/10/21 01:24 PM |
| 2 | Is this a reason to get divorced?You didn't mention your age. But even if you're young, there will come a day when you need to plan for retirement. Actually, you should already be doing it. Maintain the mindset that a dollar invested today could be worth 5 or 10 dollars when you retire. If you're constantly cleaning up after someone who spends, you'll never get there. A divorce lawyer told me once that two drowning people is not an improvement over one drowning person. BTW, I can promise one thing. If you sacrifice yourself and… | /r/Divorce_Men | 15/10/21 03:06 PM |
| 1 | Horrible civil family court judgeWhile I agree that judges have latitude, I'm not sure I'd go so far as to say "No such thing". According to the American Bar Association, the Canons of Judicial Ethics for judges indicate: "He should be temperate, attentive, patient, impartial, and, since he is to administer the law and apply it to the facts, he should be studious of the principles of the law and diligent in endeavoring to ascertain the facts." For starters, my judge was old as fuck. He was a retired judge who came back as a con… | /r/Divorce_Men | 13/10/21 06:54 PM |
| 7 | Horrible civil family court judgeI'll add one more thing. Sorry for the rant; thanks for listening. I propose the cheeky comment that perjury isn't a crime in Family Courts, nor subornation of perjury. But not so cheeky, I say that lies that go unchecked and unpunished undermines the entire credibility of the court. Without credibility, what do we have? Some Uncle Goober in a black robe and lawyers getting paid to utter Latin words? I won't go into details, but my ex-wife testified under oath to some made-up shit that was 1) to… | /r/Divorce_Men | 13/10/21 11:56 AM |
| 11 | Horrible civil family court judgeOh God, where to begin? In my original trial, the judge awarded some money to my ex-wife that he legally could not do. It's a long story, but two lawyers confirmed this. They showed me the statute and it's pretty clear. But once the judge decides, my only recourse was an expensive appeals process. Judges can be patently wrong, but in the courtroom, they are God. They're right even when they're wrong. The original judge gave me a visitation scheme with my kids that was totally unworkable and unre… | /r/Divorce_Men | 13/10/21 11:24 AM |
| 4 | Will 2nd Job Increase My Child Support and Alimony?I want to get a 2nd job to help prepare for the upcoming divorce Maximizing your income BEFORE a divorce? Horrible idea. Ideally, you should divorce at a low point in your career. My ex (and plenty of other women with scumbag lawyers) even went so far as to document she was suffering from depression or anxiety or some other invisible illness, arguing she was UNABLE to work at all, leaving me to pay for everything. If you work extra hours to make extra income now, the judge can very easily expect… | /r/Divorce_Men | 11/10/21 02:01 PM |
| 1 | Stuck living with my ex with seemingly no way outThe problem is SHE will get the same advice (gray rock). And women think it means ignoring. That's fine, but then she'll appoint herself guardian of the kids, and decide that all communication MUST go through her. And there's the problem. I wish more people understood what you just said. Ignoring causes more conflict. | /r/Divorce_Men | 11/10/21 11:12 AM |
| 4 | Stuck living with my ex with seemingly no way out“Privileges” I'm always amazed how badly women want their kids to grow up fatherless and subsequently with a wide range of emotional problems. Just to prove a point. Selfish fucking assholes. | /r/Divorce_Men | 11/10/21 11:04 AM |
| 4 | The truth.Do not combine finances with anyone. Said another way, at least in my case, two drowning people is not an improvement over one drowning person. | /r/Divorce_Men | 09/10/21 12:09 PM |
| 2 | More of a rant than anything else.look up the light switch effect Wow. I did, and I ended up here: https://www.trp.red/p/trp/938 It's shockingly accurate. It's really amazing how women operate from a “script” so closely that some stranger man on the internet seems to know my ex-wife as well as I do. A marriage counselor once taught my ex and I to express things on a scale from 1 to 10. In an argument, for example, you can say, “For you, this is a 5. But for me, it's an 8. Please consider that.” So, on the eve of my separation, I… | /r/Divorce_Men | 05/10/21 07:43 PM |
| 1 | Liquidation of assets to prevent ex fromChild Support is the law. But it's overruled by a higher court called mathematics. I don't know all of OP's finances. But in my case, the numbers truly didn't add up (like OP claims in his case). If the court has erred, and won't correct it, and a man can't afford the payments, we're left with the proverbial blood and stone. At that point, all the harsh enforcements make things worse, not better. If OP is driven to suicide, or decides to leave the USA forever, your lecture isn't doing much to gi… | /r/Divorce_Men | 29/09/21 02:44 PM |
| 3 | Liquidation of assets to prevent ex fromYour assets are your assets But if he falls behind on payments, the courts can put liens on his property. What's the difference? | /r/Divorce_Men | 29/09/21 02:39 PM |
| 2 | Liquidation of assets to prevent ex fromOP, I am sympathetic. I really am. We're supposed to be supporting fellow men on this subreddit. But I see plenty of negative preaching in the comments ("You HAVE to pay, like it or not!"). I was in a similar situation. In my case, the judge imputed a large income to me that was unsustainable, and imputed almost zero income to my ex-wife despite the fact that she could earn a handsome living. When you boil it all down, my payments were too large and I couldn't keep up. I note in the comments you… | /r/Divorce_Men | 29/09/21 02:38 PM |
| 1 | My ex spouse works for NYC and will no longer have a job because she will not get vaccinated. Will Child Support be adjusted If ex spouse loses job? Any issues that might affect me or my custody agreement? We both live in NY. Thank you.I know everyone is spring-loaded on this subreddit to say: “Get A Lawyer.” But what's a lawyer going to do with this situation? The order against his ex-wife stands -- and WILL stand until she does something about it. OP has no levers to pull, not yet anyway. You want OP to hire a lawyer to do what, exactly? The ball is in his ex-wife's court right now. | /r/Divorce_Men | 29/09/21 02:55 AM |
| 7 | What did you wish you asked or knew?You’re asking a very open-ended question. Is there anything in particular you’re thinking about? As for me, two things made a big impression. First, before I divorced, I had never been to court. I had never sued anyone, or been sued. I admit, I was very naïve about the legal system. First thing I learned: Every stereotype and joke about lawyers is true, especially Family Law attorneys. I know I’ll get some flack on this subreddit, but I think they’re all scumbags who profit from misery. They’re … | /r/Divorce_Men | 27/09/21 04:28 AM |
| 3 | Wife just walked outFahrenheit or Celsius? | /r/Divorce_Men | 26/09/21 01:12 PM |
| 1 | Why get an attorney?People who represent themselves have a fool for a client. That's brilliant expression. You should copyright it before some scoundrel steals it. | /r/Divorce_Men | 20/09/21 02:50 PM |
| 1 | Why get an attorney?If you look up the Wikipedia entry for ... And, if you look up the ScumbagLawyerWikipedia entry for the perfect client, his picture is there, too. He's rich and clueless. Talk about leading a lamb to the wolf. | /r/Divorce_Men | 20/09/21 02:44 PM |
| 0 | Why get an attorney?We have ... about 1M in ... savings ... ... I'm a rookie ... Let me look into my crystal ball and see how it goes when you first talk to a lawyer. You: I'm interested in a divorce. Lawyer: How much money do you have? You: About a million dollars. Lawyer: Are you a rookie? You: Why, yes I am. Lawyer: grins and slowly starts to rub his hands together, thoughts of a new Mercedes Benz C300 with the AMG Sports package enters his brain | /r/Divorce_Men | 20/09/21 02:39 PM |
| 1 | Cross-post from /r/MadeMeSmile and why it made me cryWhat gets me is the no evidence You're preaching to the preacher. I was shocked that she even tried that shit. Not just "no evidence", but she had documented EVERYTHING about our divorce EXCEPT that one thing. No one else found this strange? Example: She was pretty obsessive about documenting the children's physical and mental health. Everything from doctor's visits to medicines to details about whatever problem they were having, coordinating with the schools, e-mails, etc. She had detailed reco… | /r/Divorce_Men | 20/09/21 10:44 AM |
| 1 | Cross-post from /r/MadeMeSmile and why it made me cryAfter a while the judges see through it That's the thing! When I was being accused of horrible crimes against my kids, the judge yawned. I don't think he believed her, yet he never approached the idea of perjury. I don't think the judge cared at all. Stay calm. Don’t hit the bottle. Exercise. And get your sleep. All good advice. I know it. I just need to act on it. I go "hot and cold" on the booze. I can go months without a sip, not even a beer. But some days, I can't sleep until I'm blitzed. Wo… | /r/Divorce_Men | 20/09/21 10:31 AM |
| 1 | Cross-post from /r/MadeMeSmile and why it made me cryI'm trying to take care of myself. Some days, I ask, "What's the point?" When you lose your kids, it doesn't get rougher than that. But I appreciate the reply. | /r/Divorce_Men | 20/09/21 10:26 AM |
| 1 | Cross-post from /r/MadeMeSmile and why it made me cryI appreciate the reply. Thank you. In fifty years, as you mention, I wonder what will be left. So many young men today have the advantage of the Internet, and know to avoid marriage. As marriage rates drop, what's the fate of society? It's crazy. It really seems like we're a culture determine to kill ourselves, kill the very best things we have. I still believe in marriage and family, just not Family Court. | /r/Divorce_Men | 20/09/21 10:25 AM |
| 5 | How to talk my son out of getting marriedthey both don't want kids You'd be shocked how "Mommy Fever" can appear out of nowhere. I've known educated, intelligent women, with abundant resources, who've "accidentally" gotten pregnant -- to their husband's sudden distress. if things go bad Well, if he divorces a Jew, how's he ever going to find a good lawyer? | /r/Divorce_Men | 18/09/21 02:48 PM |
| 1 | Anyone self employed ? Having a ton of issues with ex on amount she will get monthly . If anyone has experience with this it would be helpful as I don’t make a set amount of money.Lol LOL? Wow, you think it's funny that you lost custody of your daughter and got fucked in the ass by a lawyer? LMAOROTFL | /r/Divorce_Men | 18/09/21 02:36 PM |
| 1 | Anyone self employed ? Having a ton of issues with ex on amount she will get monthly . If anyone has experience with this it would be helpful as I don’t make a set amount of money.I don’t wanna cheap out on my kids either Sorry, but I have to ding you on this, too. It's a noble attitude to pledge a generous child support amount in the name of loving your kids. I get that. But consider two things: You can always give more, at any time. Either cash hand-outs or put money away in an account for them. No one stops you from voluntarily giving more. If you pledge (and you're ordered) to pay a LARGE amount every month, sooner or later, you'll have a rainy day. Remember, this is … | /r/Divorce_Men | 18/09/21 02:33 PM |
| 2 | Anyone self employed ? Having a ton of issues with ex on amount she will get monthly . If anyone has experience with this it would be helpful as I don’t make a set amount of money.Wow, there's so much to unpack here, brother. a home fairly expensive home I hate to say it, but after a divorce, everyone loses. Everyone downsizes. Why are you keeping an expensive home? If SHE is keeping it, I hope that's factored in. She tries saying “I forced her” to not work Then shout "Get A Job" from the rooftops. To have her working for you sounds like a bad time waiting to happen. What if she quits, claiming you were an abusive employer? I’m behaving narcissistically Ah, here we go. No… | /r/Divorce_Men | 18/09/21 02:29 PM |
| 1 | What do I do?That's a poisonous attitude and typical for a lawyer. The man wants to have access to his own children. As far as we know, he's a fit and loving father who's never abused his kids. And your reply is: "The future of your role as a father depends on your past performance as a husband." Again, I say that shit is poison. It's one of the most horrible things about Family Court. You're perpetuating a terrible doctrine. Plenty of mothers who've been cheated on, for example, think to themselves: "I'll t… | /r/Divorce_Men | 17/09/21 02:00 PM |
| 6 | I’m sad but relieved - but conflicted too on my separation.You're giving us one Red Flag after another. You know the answer. You've been married only four years and have no kids. If you hit the ejector seat now, you're not burdened with alimony and child support like so many of us. There is no advantage to waiting. Don't wait around until one day, "Honey, I'm pregnant", then you have to deal with it and doubts about paternity. "there could have been a future." -- Yeah, well, a kick in the ass is still a step forward. Good luck, brother. Act soon. | /r/Divorce_Men | 17/09/21 01:52 PM |
| 7 | Good news from my sonI'm with /u/47omek. I don't think it's good news that a young man is getting married. Now, if the plane had crashed after he proposed, that could be worth celebrating. I've often told my nephew that if he gets married, I'll do a mercy killing on him, even if I have to go down, too. It's that important. I'm sure the girl is nice. But remember, marriage is a contract with the Government, not the girl. And the Government is bad at everything. | /r/Divorce_Men | 17/09/21 01:44 PM |
| 5 | Do women eventually mellow out?In my case, she's has NOT gotten mellow over the years. It's always been my position that she was too greedy and too aggressive in the divorce, egged-on by a lawyer who promised her everything. Predictably, it all back-fired. Now, she has less than she would have had without the greediness. I'm no literary expert, but it seems there could be a moral lesson about greed in there somewhere. Anyway, for a while after the divorce, I thought she might someday concede that she was wrong, that she had m… | /r/Divorce_Men | 17/09/21 01:36 PM |
| 5 | “Visiting” and “Co-Parenting”This is all too familiar. I sympathize as I'm sure others will too. I completely agree: Even the term "Visitation" is an insult. Prisoners get visitors. It appears that I independently re-discovered a well-known phenomenon. Of course, I want to enforce rules and routines, help them with their homework, make them eat their veggies, and all that. But soon, when I was enjoying my court-ordered four allotted days a month with my kids, the focus became to make the time fun for them. It was all too ea… | /r/Divorce_Men | 16/09/21 01:54 PM |
| 0 | Need advice - Nevada - 14 month marriageThere is no such thing as an "automatic divorce". OJ Simpson would like a word. | /r/Divorce_Men | 15/09/21 03:07 PM |
| 2 | Need advice - Nevada - 14 month marriageit’s like breaking up on prom night Mary Lynn, you bitch! Broke up with me literally on the prom dancefloor. It was 35 years ago and still hurts. But at least I didn't marry that bitch. Married some other bitch. | /r/Divorce_Men | 15/09/21 03:06 PM |
| 2 | Wife’s divorce attorney served me Interrogatories form... I ignored most of the questions ... I appreciate your boldness. At first, I was going through the hassle of filing a formal objection. But I like your method better. | /r/Divorce_Men | 15/09/21 02:57 PM |
| 3 | Wife’s divorce attorney served me Interrogatories formWow, /u/NothingIsEverEnough is pretty bold: “I got one of those. ignored most of the questions.” I was in your shoes once. And at time, I was still trying to be polite and professional. I stupidly thought it would make a good impression on the judge. I was Pro Se at first, and the opposing lawyer was taking advantage of my ignorance. There are no police in Family Court to be sure the other side isn’t trying something underhanded. First, in my state, there is a strict limit on the number of quest… | /r/Divorce_Men | 15/09/21 02:34 PM |
| 1 | Getting my ducks in a row...FloridaOne tip: Stop using after-tax amounts. All the calculations in divorce will be done with gross income, not net. Certain deductions matter (e.g.: if one parent pays for the children’s health insurance). But generally, basic income tax that everyone pays isn’t factored into child support and alimony calculations. And I’m curious about your wife’s income. You give her salary but add that she gets $2000 minimum in cash. Is she a stripper? No offense meant; I'm just trying to make sense of it. Also, … | /r/Divorce_Men | 14/09/21 11:53 PM |
| 1 | Now I know, friend’s parallel to foe; and all that “good pussy” leave you parallel to broke.What? Is this a question? | /r/Divorce_Men | 12/09/21 10:26 AM |
| 9 | Best State for Men to Divorce?/u/Kwen_Oellogg may have a point. Most divorces today are 'no-fault', which is exactly what it sounds like. No one is to blame. But you might have a case to divorce her for cruelty, which would be 'at-fault'. If she's at-fault, it could help you with alimony. However, it's not that easy. It's my understanding that at-fault divorces are much more challenging and expensive, and there's a high burden of proof on you. You might want to spend an hour talking to a lawyer in each of those states. Is Te… | /r/Divorce_Men | 12/09/21 10:24 AM |
| 8 | What would you tell your younger self?Marriage has no benefit for men. An unmarried man can have companionship, love, trust, great sex, stability, a home, even kids. You don't need marriage to have any of that. Marriage is not a contract with the girl; it's a contract with the Government. And the Government is bad at everything. | /r/Divorce_Men | 11/09/21 02:28 PM |
| 1 | Can you use audio recordings without you being present?The feds, as well as every state, have a set rules simply called the Rules of Evidence (the name can vary). There, you'll find if it's admissible or not. But, as another comment says, hearsay is a tough hurdle. You can TRY to get evidence admitted, but the other side can challenge it. Could the witness be considered an expert? Because, in California, for example, rule 720(b) says, "A witness’ special knowledge, skill, experience, training, or education may be shown by any otherwise admissible ev… | /r/Divorce_Men | 11/09/21 02:23 PM |
| 3 | Pro se divorce in Ohio ? Use 3stepdivorce.com?Even if you're Pro Se, it's still possible to have a lawyer review everything and give comments. If you shop around, ask for a lawyer who offers "unbundled" services. They only charge by the hour to give advice; they won't represent you in court or anywhere else. In theory, you and your wife can get advice from the same lawyer. But the lawyer will likely be cautious and make you both sign a waiver stating that you understand it could be a conflict of interest. It's possible. But you could also u… | /r/Divorce_Men | 11/09/21 02:13 PM |
| 1 | Pro se divorce in Ohio ? Use 3stepdivorce.com?Wow, great way NOT to answer's OP's question. But it's nice to see this sub hasn't given up its mantra: Divorce is a bitter, bloody fight to the death. And unless you spend your life savings on a scumbag lawyer to litigate, you DESERVE to lose. God Bless America and all the lawyers and their heated pools. | /r/Divorce_Men | 11/09/21 02:05 PM |
| 1 | Child support questionMaybe consider cross-posting in /r/ChildSupport | /r/Divorce_Men | 09/09/21 02:35 PM |
| 1 | How does abandonment workHave you tried researching the California codes? I have no idea if California gives a legal definition of abandonment, or if they leave it up to the discretion of the judge. But in my state, the state codes actually do give a legal definition of abandonment. Yes, you should consult a lawyer. But first, spend an hour with Google to try to familiarize yourself with the laws as much as you can. At least, when you do speak to a lawyer, you're hopefully on the same page and are using the same languag… | /r/Divorce_Men | 09/09/21 02:30 PM |
| 2 | How to present text messages as evidence in the Family CourtI think a good place to start would be to take screenshots that capture it all, export them to a PC where they can be converted into PDFs. Then print the PDFs. Also, just so the judge isn't stuck leafing through dozens of pages, I'd also add a transcription where everything is "connected". If you've ever seen someone on Reddit post screenshots of messages, there's always overlap and it takes time to figure out where to "jump" from one screen to the next. But, in any case, one way NOT TO PRESENT … | /r/Divorce_Men | 09/09/21 02:24 PM |
| 9 | Friendly Neighborly Reminder...If you've been married at least twice, the good news is that you qualify for a special employment program. Seriously. Two-minute video, but watch until the end. | /r/Divorce_Men | 08/09/21 06:40 PM |
| 3 | Guys I need help....This... is a chemical burn. | /r/Divorce_Men | 08/09/21 02:32 AM |
| 5 | Single moms need to be held accountabletrying to raise public awareness Only a few weeks ago, I found out that Alec Baldwin (the actor, also does impressions of Trump on SNL) went through a very bitter and expensive divorce about 20 years ago. Despite being a celebrity with money for lawyers, he was ripped apart. He wrote a book about his experience. It's pretty brutal. You would think that a celebrity's autobiography would be enough "public awareness". But like I said, it was 20 years ago and I only discovered it a few weeks ago. It… | /r/Divorce_Men | 08/09/21 02:31 AM |
| 12 | Single moms need to be held accountableSir, I'm with you 100%. I was very naïve when I went to get divorced. I quickly learned that, in some aspects, it's a "race to the bottom". My ex-wife, who had previously been employed and earned a handsome living, suddenly developed a fiesta of illnesses that prevented her from working. In all bad divorces, everyone has an excuse why they can't work. Like I said, a race to the bottom. Divorce incentivizes people to do their WORST. Financially, how can a single dad pay for child support [...] ? … | /r/Divorce_Men | 07/09/21 08:06 PM |
| 0 | Travelling for workYou won't explain or defend your answer? You said I can retire anytime and stop paying. Seriously? Plenty of men would retire the day after they got divorced. Are you talking about defying the court? Because it sounds like you're citing some law. | /r/Divorce_Men | 07/09/21 11:32 AM |
| 2 | Travelling for workOP, I can sympathize. I was in the same boat. However, my experience is with American courts, not Canadian. I don't know if Canada looks at things the same way. In my case, I was a contractor in Afghanistan, living in The Suck, but getting paid $330k+ USD, which was composed of my base salary plus hazard pay plus hardship pay plus overtime plus a completion bonus. This was several years ago. Even then, we could feel the war slowing down. High-paying jobs like that were disappearing. Plus, I was … | /r/Divorce_Men | 07/09/21 05:48 AM |
| 0 | Travelling for workYou have zero responsibility to keep working so that your ex can collect support Who told you this was true? It's clearly not. If I'm ordered to pay spousal support, and I'm able to work, why on Earth would the judge and my ex-wife be okay with me quitting my job and having, as you said, "zero responsibility"? | /r/Divorce_Men | 07/09/21 05:37 AM |
| 3 | Mediation StalemateA quick story: Until I got divorced, I thought lawyers were good negotiators. I figured litigators would be trained in negotiation. I was wrong and disappointed. After watching my lawyer try to negotiate at a sit-down meeting with the opposing lawyer, I couldn't believe how incompetent she was. I had a book at home about negotiating, written by a professional negotiator who had worked with union strikes and even Russian missile talks back in the Cold War. In fact, I still have the audio version … | /r/Divorce_Men | 06/09/21 01:01 PM |
| 5 | What do you wish you would’ve done preparing for divorce in order to win what you wanted (custody or certain assets.)Go into debt, whatever it takes RAISE AS MUCH CASH AS YOU POSSIBLY CAN and give it all to your lawyer. Max out your credit cards. Cash in your 401k and spend it all. Next year, the IRS will want their cut, but fuck them; that's next year's problem. Borrow as much as possible from friends and family. Sell your most prized possessions. Second mortgage on the house. Turn your master bedroom into an AirBNB. Get a second job, preferably under the table, even if it means you have no time leftover for … | /r/Divorce_Men | 05/09/21 01:23 AM |
| 2 | How do you find the good attorney?I'll tell you something interesting about online reviews of lawyers. I fired my first lawyer. She was useless. My decision wasn't sudden. I warned her several times. Later, I went to give a review. I didn't want to be vicious and unfair. My review was negative, but honest. I think this was Avvo. I can't remember. But my review was her first review. Literally the next day, there were four or five VERY POSTIVE reviews on her. It's possible she asked other clients to write them, but they all had th… | /r/Divorce_Men | 04/09/21 06:52 AM |
| 2 | Reminder: 50% of all Marriages in Divorce. 90% of all divorces/separation is initiated by the wife, 90% of custody is given to Mothers.[the divorce rate is] the lowest rate since the 1970's But the total amount of child support and alimony dollars being paid is at an all-time high. Something doesn't add up. And it still stinks. | /r/Divorce_Men | 04/09/21 06:45 AM |
| 2 | Separated from spouse, paying child support. No spousal support yet mandated. Suppose reports she needs medical care. Pre-divorce, how dumb is it to volunteer to help pay?will help soften her heart You're being given great advice but you're not reading it. She's being told 'this is war' and you're trying to play nice. | /r/Divorce_Men | 04/09/21 06:41 AM |
| 1 | Changing divorce lawyer (NJ)What things should I be cautious about changing attorneys? I changed lawyers during my divorce. The big suggestion from me: Get your original file from the first lawyer. Your lawyer has a big folder in their office about your case. It contains all their notes and all the correspondence, etc. Your lawyer keeps this folder in their office as a matter of convenience. But IT IS YOUR PROPERTY. Get the original folder when you leave. It's yours. The new lawyer will need to see it. My first lawyer obje… | /r/Divorce_Men | 03/09/21 12:00 PM |
| 2 | Today is/would be (?) our 4th anniversaryYour 4th Anniversary is your Fruits & Flowers Anniversary. Seriously. It's the traditional gift. You've no doubt heard of a "Silver Anniversary" at the 25th year and a "Diamond Anniversary" at the 60th year. Well, it's not quite as prestigious, but the 4th year is Fruits & Flowers. It's a Friday. Tonight after work, invite a trusted male friend out for some drinks. Leave the wife at home. Order a Hemingway Special or an Absolut Crush (fruits). Then order a Lilac lemon fizz or a Martini Rose or a… | /r/Divorce_Men | 03/09/21 11:49 AM |
| 3 | Most Obvious Mistakes Men Make After DivorceIt's good advice, I'm sure, in theory. But the real world is messy. It seems that if you have a child, you'll end up arguing with your ex about something eventually. Kinda unavoidable. That happens even when you're married. The solution, I guess, is to co-parent through lawyers, the way God intended. | /r/Divorce_Men | 03/09/21 11:33 AM |
| 10 | Reminder: 50% of all Marriages in Divorce. 90% of all divorces/separation is initiated by the wife, 90% of custody is given to Mothers.OP, I'm with you all the way. I'll never get re-married or ever have more kids. And I encourage younger men, my nephews, to never get married or have kids. It's a shame, too, because some of us are good men. But the laws are terrible need to change. Another thought: What will society look like in 20 years? Or 50 years? If men stop marrying and having kids, we're altering the trajectory of society for the worse. I believe families are the fabric of society. It makes you wonder why the law seems t… | /r/Divorce_Men | 03/09/21 11:27 AM |
| 8 | Reminder: 50% of all Marriages in Divorce. 90% of all divorces/separation is initiated by the wife, 90% of custody is given to Mothers.children are worth fighting for I know this is reality. But it should shame everyone in our society. I know I'm beating a dead horse here. But why does it need to be a "fight"? That's the most alarming thing of all in divorce. Imagine -- dare to dream -- a new world, my brothers, where the first words you hear when you walk into court are, "Don't worry, neither of you will lose access to your kids." Instead, the judge says, "It's a fight to the death; winner take all." It's sick. It's some twist… | /r/Divorce_Men | 03/09/21 11:23 AM |
| 1 | Why this society is so against menYeah, that was probably a bad example. I guess I meant, "If you're facing an engineering task...", like having to change a tire or fix an engine that won't start when you're stranded out in the middle of nowhere. Sure, SOME women could do it. But there are plenty of times in life when a man's skills (created during a lifetime of tinkering and building, even going back to boyhood) can help him in the real world. | /r/Divorce_Men | 03/09/21 11:15 AM |
| 13 | Why this society is so against menDo you have a question? To be fair, plenty of women think society looks down on them, too. I guess it depends on the venue. Are you interviewing for an engineering job? It's great to be a man. But facing Family Court? Or the justice system at all? It's great to be a woman. It flip-flops all over the place. But it's certainly true that men are disposable: For war, for industry, for our tribe. We can be replaced. In some cases, losing a few men is an "acceptable loss" (e.g.: some huge engineering … | /r/Divorce_Men | 02/09/21 06:17 PM |
| 1 | QuestionOnce the divorce begins, her lawyers can ask for anything through Discovery. But Discovery has limits. You can even Google 'objections to discovery' to see a list. Relevance is a big one. You can easily object to Discovery that will likely not lead to anything relevant. So, here's the question... If, for example, she'll countersue you for cheating on her, and if there are text messages out there that confirm her side of the story, they will likely get admitted. I have no idea how long the phone … | /r/Divorce_Men | 02/09/21 12:44 PM |
| 2 | Divorce- legal advise?A lawyer's service comes in two flavors: bundled and unbundled. Normally, when people think of hiring a lawyer, they're thinking of bundled services. In that case, the lawyer represents you completely; they will send and receive legal motions, they will represent you in court. They are duty-bound to understand your case completely and fight for you with zeal. But they also want a fat retainer up-front and they will prolong litigation to make money. Some lawyers offer unbundled services. It basic… | /r/Divorce_Men | 02/09/21 12:23 PM |
| 5 | Financial strategies or precautions for the unmarried men who browse here?In theory, this is a great answer, and should be the only answer. In theory. In real life (or, at least in my real life), your wife could take some time off from work to raise kids or switch careers. Or maybe she just doesn't want to work anymore. If you're the established "provider", then what? Example: For a while, when I was married, I gave her an allowance. I hate calling it that because it makes her sound like a teenager, but that's what it was. But she would spend it all then ask for more.… | /r/Divorce_Men | 02/09/21 12:15 PM |
| 7 | Update from my separation from last weekYour attorney should be able to subpoena the bank records OP, This is a good answer. In my divorce, I gave up almost everything the other side asked for in Discovery. However, there were a few statements I wanted to keep private and I thought I had a solid objection. Right or wrong, I withheld the statements and fought their Discovery with an objection in court. Well, the opposing attorney was smarter than that. She simply subpoenaed the bank directly, going around me. The bank sent me a letter,… | /r/Divorce_Men | 01/09/21 12:25 PM |
| 7 | In case of a divorce, what happens to assets accumulated before the marriage?Dude, you're not even married yet, and you're posting in a forum for DIVORCED men? Red flag much? The answer is in the question. Why are you getting married? You want to see if the trap is real? | /r/Divorce_Men | 01/09/21 01:34 AM |
| 3 | Child Support, and Custody: What Am I Missing?hundreds of dollars talking with an attorney Hundreds? Those are amateur numbers. Talk to me again about "never giving up" when you've spent EVERYTHING YOU HAVE, including your retirement account and running-up your credit cards. | /r/Divorce_Men | 30/08/21 01:13 PM |
| 9 | Child Support, and Custody: What Am I Missing?why not let that parent pay for that custody themselves? Here's a dirty little secret of American Family Courts. Divorce was rare 100 years ago. But when it happened, THE FATHER almost always got custody. Why? Because he could afford to raise the kids. This policy made sense to a lot of people for a long time. But lawyers and Big Daddy Government realized they could profit by turning this upside-down. Give the kids to the parent who CANNOT afford to be a parent. Make the ABLE parent pay for ever… | /r/Divorce_Men | 30/08/21 01:02 PM |
| 3 | Child Support, and Custody: What Am I Missing?grow the fuck up Wonderful advice. But when if his ex was spending the child support on beer and cigarettes? Then came back to him and asked him to pay extra for the child's essentials? Would your advice be the same? | /r/Divorce_Men | 30/08/21 12:56 PM |
| 1 | Child Support, and Custody: What Am I Missing?You made a terrible ... decision you were too cowardly to fight I'm not very sympathetic Wow, you should be a rape crisis counselor. "The victim deserved what she got because she didn't fight back." Psychologists call this attitude "Look What You Made Me Do To You". It doesn't bother you -- or anyone else -- that THIS is the system we have? Just to maintain a relationship with your own children, a man is FORCED into an expensive, nasty, cruel, bitter, bloody war against dirty lawyers who suborn … | /r/Divorce_Men | 30/08/21 12:43 PM |
| 1 | Child Support, and Custody: What Am I Missing?it is practically impossible When I have business expenses, my boss wants me to submit receipts before I can be reimbursed. What a fool. I just told him it's "practically impossible". And that's the end of that. | /r/Divorce_Men | 30/08/21 12:34 PM |
| 3 | Child Support, and Custody: What Am I Missing?Because it's not about you, it's about the kid. I've never understood this idea that a father loses all rights in a divorce IN THE NAME OF THE CHILD. Sure, kids have rights, too. But where in the Constitution does it say that children's rights prevail over their parents? Hint: SCOTUS has repeatedly said they don't. Child support is a great example. If a man pays for the bare necessities of his child, that should be the end of the child's "rights". But the family courts will say that children hav… | /r/Divorce_Men | 30/08/21 12:30 PM |
| 6 | Child Support, and Custody: What Am I Missing?Feed the system. This includes ... You forgot the biggest kid on the block: Title IV-D. If courts pushed for 50/50 and pushed for situations where no child support money was exchanged, it would hurt the Title IV-D program. To them, it doesn't matter who wins or loses, as long as money is flowing through their program. | /r/Divorce_Men | 30/08/21 12:22 PM |
| 3 | 11 years together. 2 amazing little girls.OP, I was in a similar situation. An unfulfilling life seems like too terrible price to pay for ANYTHING. What's the point of life itself if you can't be happy, or at least, have your own voice and your own vote -- and your sovereignty and your dignity and destiny. One practical concern is the length of the marriage if you decide to divorce later after the kids leave high school. In 12 years, you will have been married for 23 years. That's a "long-term" marriage. If you've been the breadwinner, … | /r/Divorce_Men | 29/08/21 02:42 PM |
| 6 | What the ACTUAL hell man...Follow our AGREEMENTSMy brother, wow, this sucks. I sympathize. And you bring up a good point. During a divorce, scumbag lawyers in fancy suits will charge $300 an hour to hammer-out a contract. The contract will go into all kinds of details. On the surface, it's easy to concede we need expensive lawyers to create these masterpiece contracts so that everyone is treated fairly. But the truth is that my own divorce decree, for example, was violated before the ink was dry. I was "allowed" by the grace of the court the … | /r/Divorce_Men | 29/08/21 01:23 AM |
| 1 | [NJ] Age for 50 50 custody?Some judges are stuck in the old world with the "tender years doctrine" Came here to say the same. In fact, for some old judges, you can start sharing the kids when they turn 18. | /r/Divorce_Men | 27/08/21 01:12 PM |
| 2 | This sh*t sucks..Why can't you pick them up from school? I understand that schools have a list of people authorized to pick up a child. If your name is not on that list, can you add yourself if you have some legal custody? In this situation, it can be an uphill battle. Once, I went to pick up my daughter during my divorce, even before the court had issued ANY rulings at all. In other words, I was still the fully-legit 100% legal father with unrestricted rights to my own kids. But the school, being aware of the d… | /r/Divorce_Men | 27/08/21 01:10 PM |
| 1 | Need lawyerI used curranmoher.com for unbundled services. They're in NOVA. They're a little pricey. But like I said, I only did unbundled service which basically means they'll only give you advice in private, one hour at a time. They won't appear in court for you or file papers for you (if unbundled). I only needed hourly advice, so I only paid what I used, as I went along. Bundled service (that is, when the lawyer represents you in all matters) is going to be considerably more expensive. | /r/Divorce_Men | 26/08/21 01:11 PM |
| 1 | Need lawyerpreferably low [budget] ... You only get as much justice as you can afford. | /r/Divorce_Men | 26/08/21 01:05 PM |
| 4 | Never Never Never Stop Fighting...Motivational StorySorry to be the Debbie Downer here. But this isn't really a motivational story. It's a description of a system so broken and so brazenly biased that it only acts "fair" in the most extreme cases. | /r/Divorce_Men | 26/08/21 01:03 PM |
| 1 | Am I making a mistakean authoritarian judge Is there another kind? I like the quote: Every judge has the same middle name. And it's God. | /r/Divorce_Men | 25/08/21 02:57 PM |
| 1 | Question on income...I concur with the other comments: Your second income will work against you. There is only a very narrow set of circumstances in which it can help. In many states, a man who's behind in child support can take a second job exclusively for the purpose of paying-off his child support debt, and the extra income will not count against him. But that's the only time a second job will help. Also, consider this: Suppose you have a job in which you could volunteer to go off and do hazardous duty for a big … | /r/Divorce_Men | 25/08/21 02:51 PM |
| 7 | Trying to decide if I give my wife another shotI bet most of the men who reply here will just say, "Leave now." I'm inclined to agree. But we can't bail on everything in life that's not perfect. If it were me, still consider giving her another try, but set some boundaries. For example: No physical violence. THAT seems like a good place to start. If she doesn't respect your boundaries (or gets upset that you want to impose them at all), then you have a clear answer. In the meantime, DO NOT GET HER PREGNANT under any circumstance. That will be… | /r/Divorce_Men | 25/08/21 02:41 PM |
| 1 | She made no senseI'm no expert on human interaction, for sure. But something I learned a long time ago: If someone appears to be logically off-sync, they're either legitimately crazy (unlikely) -- or, more likely, they're operating on a hidden agenda. People can have differing opinions, for sure. But the less subjective the issue ("I say it's daytime, but you say it's nighttime"), I'd say the other person isn't lying or crazy. They have a secret agenda. At that point, ask yourself what it could be and why they'r… | /r/Divorce_Men | 24/08/21 01:34 PM |
| 3 | At a crossroadsI sympathize, brother. Some of us have been there. Take a deep breath. I know "take a breath" is a cliché, but it's a cliché for a reason. Have you ever heard of the Five Stages of Grief? Denial · Anger · Bargaining · Depression · Acceptance I'm no psychologist, but it sounds like you're bargaining -- with her, with us on this sub, with fate, with God, whatever. I'm sure you know the answer in your heart. This marriage is over. Marriage counseling will NEVER work. There's difficult work ahead an… | /r/Divorce_Men | 24/08/21 01:28 PM |
| 1 | Do the arguments with the ex wife ever stop? After four years the argument today was about me getting them the Covid vaccine. It just never stops, any chance she can attack she does.Slightly off-topic, but why does it always seem to be the women who are anti-vaxx? My ex-wife was sorta anti-vaxx during the marriage, but then really went full-tilt. I doubt she's a Trump supporter, so I don't know where it comes from. I doubt my kids are vaccinated beyond anything the schools require. The irony is she smokes cigarettes. She tried once to explain how vaccines have the "bad" toxins, but cigarettes have the "good" toxins. Wow. Okay. | /r/Divorce_Men | 23/08/21 01:40 PM |
| 1 | PSA: Pussy is expensiveBecause they are worth it. Oh My God, that's hilarious and brilliant and clever. It contributes so much to the discussion. I've never heard such wordplay before in my entire life. You better copyright that slogan before some scoundrel steals it. "Worth" is defined by a free market, not a bunch of scumbag lawyers and greedy wives who manipulate the system. | /r/Divorce_Men | 23/08/21 01:37 PM |
| 1 | Not upset but I expected this due to the single mother rateHoly Run-on Sentence! OP, I'm sure what you wrote sounds fine inside your head. But without any punctuation, this is difficult for anyone else to follow. I have to do what’s best for my daughter chasing women ???? | /r/Divorce_Men | 22/08/21 11:00 AM |
| -1 | Wife says divorce is not an optionLet me throw it right back at you. If you were the Defendant in a unilateral divorce, you will be FORCED -- without the possibility of mounting a defense -- to split your retirement account in half and give it away, or perhaps pay alimony. The outcome is guaranteed. And you can be required to work, involuntarily, to pay alimony. How is that not, in your words, "financial enslavement"? | /r/Divorce_Men | 20/08/21 06:17 PM |
| 3 | What do you wish (in hindsight!) was part of the legal agreement?eliminate anything that requires the parties to "agree" I'll never understand one line in my divorce decree. I think my judge is an idiot and no one will ever change my mind. Of the many contentious issues in my divorce, for one of them, the judge wrote, "I rule in favor of the Defendant, unless the Plaintiff disagrees." Holy Hell. What a limp-dick retarded ruling. OF COURSE THAT CUNT DISAGREES, you clown. Why the fuck do you think we're standing in front of you, asking your dumb ass to make a d… | /r/Divorce_Men | 20/08/21 02:37 PM |
| 3 | What do you wish (in hindsight!) was part of the legal agreement?Good for you. What's really depressing is when a man signs a blank check like that out of the goodness of his heart. I cringe when I see men facing divorce giving us their virtues and values: e.g.: "I'm a great dad and I want my kids to have everything, I'm no deadbeat, etc.", and they agree to HUGE payments. This is done from a wonderful, loving place in their heart. They're so busy virtue signaling that they don't see they're signing a contract with the Devil. And the Devil will get his pound … | /r/Divorce_Men | 20/08/21 02:32 PM |
| 2 | What do you wish (in hindsight!) was part of the legal agreement?Avoiding deadlocks. What are some approaches to this? I didn't write that. But, to me, this advice means avoid letting a negotiation boil down to a single issue. Once both sides are dug-in on a single issue, there's no compromise; there's nothing left to do but fight. Example: Suppose you're making some business deal with a company. If you agree on everything except a single issue, let's say cost, it might become a deadlock. But further suppose there are 5 or 10 issues with some wiggle room. In … | /r/Divorce_Men | 20/08/21 02:26 PM |
| -2 | Wife says divorce is not an optiondue process Dude, I get what you're saying. But that's a horrible choice of words. This very idea nearly went to the Supreme Court recently. Consider a case of unilateral no-fault divorce. That is, only one person wants to divorce; the other does not. And there's no fault among the parties. Divorce is a lawsuit. We normally don't use that word, but that's what it is: a lawsuit. A person filing a unilateral, no-fault divorce is 1) suing someone and 2) they are GUARANTEED to win. Fucking guarantee… | /r/Divorce_Men | 20/08/21 02:11 PM |
| 2 | My wife left with the kidsOP, I sympathize. Realize that you have rights, too. You may need to get a lawyer involved. Gentlemen, a few days ago, I wrote about a post on /r/TwoXChromosomes about a woman about to take her kid and leave a bad marriage. It had tens of thousands of upvotes and all comments were positive and encouraging, giving advice on how to keep the kid from the dad. I was shocked. No one mentioned a thing about the dad having any rights to his own kid. The OP didn't say there was any abuse toward the kid.… | /r/Divorce_Men | 20/08/21 02:02 PM |
| 3 | Divorce + Financial ruin OR Financial stability + Unhappy marriage$1,000 on clothes hangers I sympathize. I really do. But at least you have some clothes hangars to show for the experience. I can't begin to tell you how much my ex-wife pissed away on finance charges, interest, overdraft fees, etc., and NOT because we were poor. On the contrary, we had a big cash flow for a while. She was just too lazy to open her bills or watch her balances. Too lazy to budget. I guarantee you we needlessly pissed away far more than $1000. Makes me ill. All because she couldn'… | /r/Divorce_Men | 19/08/21 01:10 PM |
| 4 | Is a lawyer highly recommended?A few days ago, I left a comment in another post about "bundled" and "unbundled" services offered by lawyers: https://redd.it/p3xauo Perhaps consider having an unbundled divorce lawyer on your side just to review everything. It MIGHT be a low-cost easy solution to the issue. MIGHT. | /r/Divorce_Men | 17/08/21 02:16 PM |
| 5 | When do you fire your lawyer?I expected Saul Goodman. What I got was the limp-wristed real estate lawyer who worked for Jesse's parents. If you don't get the reference, I expected my lawyer to fight back against the other lawyer using any means necessary. I was fighting for my life. To be clear, in my case, I never expected to go to trial. My ex-wife and I didn't have much to fight over. I was very open to negotiation and settlements. But she got herself a nasty lawyer who really seemed to know every dirty trick in the book… | /r/Divorce_Men | 17/08/21 02:09 PM |
| 2 | I (29M) asked my spouse (28F) to come home during our separation due to loneliness.. I’m realizing that I was happier without her being here.. I don’t know what to do.Love the username. | /r/Divorce_Men | 16/08/21 10:24 PM |
| 21 | Still married for some reason.She calls me a gaslighter ... narcissist ... 'incel' ... Wow, talk about buzzword Bingo. Clearly, she's online, reading about women's divorce issues, or talking to her friends who do. Really, truly, at this point, they're just buzzwords. EVERY SINGLE WOMAN on Reddit with a broken relationship was with a "narcissist" (including my ex-wife). The word has lost all meaning, just like 'gaslighting' and 'incel'. I've been married TWICE; I have children; I've had sex with several girlfriends. But I've … | /r/Divorce_Men | 16/08/21 10:20 PM |
| 4 | An uphill battle that seems endlessHoly Wall of Text. Can you give us a TLDR? Or least make paragraphs. This is tough to read. | /r/Divorce_Men | 15/08/21 02:22 PM |
| 1 | What is the smart thing you or your lawyer did during divorce process?I won't mention any specifics because I just don't have the time or energy. But here's an idea: Google "dirty divorce tricks". I'm serious. In fact, HERE is a link. You'll get plenty of results, but after you read a few, you'll get the general idea. Of the Top Ten Dirty Divorce Tricks, my ex-wife's attorney did 11 of them. Looking back, my own attorney did not appear to recognize what the opposing lawyer was doing. I depended on my lawyer to protect me from dirty tricks, but he did not. I think … | /r/Divorce_Men | 14/08/21 03:00 PM |
| 4 | Amicable Divorce. Is lawyer needed?I hope you're kidding about the cat support. Or else we'll have to revoke your Man Card. I have the opinion that lawyers have the ability to take simple situations and make them needlessly complex. Why? Billable hours. It's also my experience (and many other men can verify) that once the wife gets a lawyer, he'll start whispering in her ear, "You can fight and get more". They tempt the wife with a legal battle. That forces you to hire a lawyer. Next thing you know, you're spending thousands in l… | /r/Divorce_Men | 14/08/21 02:43 PM |
| 3 | TRO negotiationsOP, I can't offer much help, but if your STBX is in a negotiating mood, I'd really look at 1) what you want and 2) what she wants. Instruct your lawyer to cut a deal. Only you know what's important to you. It's ALWAYS better for two adults to negotiate their own divorce details than let some retarded clown in a black robe do it. But I have to make a more general comment. It's often said that women abuse the protections they are afforded in court. Example: If a woman claims her husband is physica… | /r/Divorce_Men | 14/08/21 02:28 PM |
| 1 | 25 years... Over (Don't care, don't love her)25 years Checking in... !!! | /r/Divorce_Men | 14/08/21 02:15 PM |
| 6 | I'm terrified of my ex-wife. Help?You need to give us more than that. Is she physically violent? Or are you afraid of your own emotional reaction when you see her? What's going on? | /r/Divorce_Men | 14/08/21 02:15 PM |
| 16 | Just want to mess around with new womanHave lots of pent up sexual urges ... Looking for place to meet someone ... Thailand. When I divorced, I went there to celebrate. I got to live out every sexual fantasy, and then some. You can even get a limo ride from the airport with the 18+ teenager of your choice in the back seat. COVID might slow you down a bit. But think about it. Some arguments and their answer: Real Men don't pay for it. Yes, they do. How much did you spend on your wife/girlfriend? And one month's alimony payment to a wo… | /r/Divorce_Men | 12/08/21 09:22 PM |
| 2 | Married /w Kids, Spouse is not US Citizencould she take the kids? Great question. Do the kids have dual citizenship? If they only have US citizenship, it's a good start. If their parents are married, children need BOTH parents to approve issuance of their USA passports. If divorced, the State Department will defer to the divorce decree. So, if you get that far, be sure your divorce decree explicitly states when the kids can have passports and who can authorize them. If your STBX-wife is awarded overseas visitation, you could be compell… | /r/Divorce_Men | 12/08/21 08:56 PM |
| 3 | Is online dating even worth it for men? (Rant)The joy a dog will bring you will never be replaced by a woman Plus, would a woman ever be so desperate to be with you as this? https://youtu.be/wfL-dL_DuhM (If you don't watch the whole video, at least watch around the 1:00 mark). | /r/Divorce_Men | 10/08/21 03:24 AM |
| 3 | Ex wife making it difficultthe kid isn't comfortable with me ... he didn't sleep for 4 days in his own bed ... ... supervised ... Without knowing more, the whole thing sounds like she's building a case to alienate you from the kid. You didn't mention his age, but generally, little kids don't say "I'm not comfortable" unless they're coached. Those words are vague, but actionable, possibly deliberate -- which puts you at a disadvantage. And supervised? Damn, that's for abusive parents and drug addicts. The next step from th… | /r/Divorce_Men | 08/08/21 01:47 PM |
| 5 | A new 90-minute documentary called “Erasing Families”. It overlaps with Divorce Corp. quite a bit, but interviews kids who were alienated from dad in a divorce. Shows how lawyers and angry moms can “erase” dad for profit, in brazen defiance of the “best interests of the kids” doctrine.BTW, if you haven't seen Divorce Corp...... http://190.97.162.68/DivorceCorp.mp4 | /r/Divorce_Men | 06/08/21 05:41 PM |
| 8 | A new 90-minute documentary called “Erasing Families”. It overlaps with Divorce Corp. quite a bit, but interviews kids who were alienated from dad in a divorce. Shows how lawyers and angry moms can “erase” dad for profit, in brazen defiance of the “best interests of the kids” doctrine.At 33:00 in the video, breaks my fucking heart. I have a little girl named Sophie and I haven't seen her in years despite spending lots of money on lawyers to do so. And now, she hates me. The girl in video isn't mine. But may as well be. Breaks my heart. | /r/Divorce_Men | 06/08/21 05:33 PM |
| 19 | Hey guys. Not divorced yet but she’s drifting away fast. I’m become somewhat unhinged with despair trying to change her mind but I think it’s only making it worse and her decision easier. Any advice for how I can be to hope for a change in the outcomeShe’s making lots of claims and has built a huge case against me already. Slow down, brother. I can tell you're going 100 miles an hour in your head. It's expected. What else is expected is that a woman will come to court, emotional, desperate to tell the judge how her husband is an abusive, drunk, cheating, narcissistic, child-beating, wife-beating, porn addict who help plot the 9/11 attacks. Most of the men on this sub will concur. The good news is that the judge has heard it all, and likely w… | /r/Divorce_Men | 05/08/21 02:27 PM |
| 3 | (29M, 27F) - My wife has moved in with her family, and demanded I make changes in order to get her back home. Married 4 years. We have no kids, no assets.. she works part time, and I’m full time, making 100k. I feel so lonely, but i’m tired of trying to fight to bring her home. I need guidance..No kidding. Sometimes on Reddit, you'll find someone whining and crying that their divorce cost them three thousand dollars or whatever. And they're bitter about it. $3000 wouldn't even last me a month during my two-year divorce. | /r/Divorce_Men | 05/08/21 12:38 PM |
| 7 | (29M, 27F) - My wife has moved in with her family, and demanded I make changes in order to get her back home. Married 4 years. We have no kids, no assets.. she works part time, and I’m full time, making 100k. I feel so lonely, but i’m tired of trying to fight to bring her home. I need guidance..THIS ANSWER, but times one thousand. | /r/Divorce_Men | 05/08/21 12:51 AM |
| 2 | (29M, 27F) - My wife has moved in with her family, and demanded I make changes in order to get her back home. Married 4 years. We have no kids, no assets.. she works part time, and I’m full time, making 100k. I feel so lonely, but i’m tired of trying to fight to bring her home. I need guidance..I’m giving up my sanity The answer is in the question. What's worth your sanity? What dollar amount or marriage is worth your sanity? | /r/Divorce_Men | 05/08/21 12:51 AM |
| 1 | Potential divorce incoming…have questionsBefore I got to this comment, I was going to warn you of a standard divorce trick. Your wife earns $78k/year. My ex-wife earned more than that. But as soon as divorce was on the table, she came up with a dozen reasons she could no longer work. She said she needed continuing education (which I paid for), then her industry was depressed, she wanted to change professions. Then, she was physically disabled. Then, she was suffering from mental health problems that prevented her from working. Basicall… | /r/Divorce_Men | 04/08/21 01:42 PM |
| 1 | Explaining Not Getting Married?It's been two hours. Are you still alive? Man, I tell ya. I would never laugh at a man to be cruel. But if you really died in the last two hours, I think that's God's way of telling you not to get married again. | /r/Divorce_Men | 03/08/21 05:27 PM |
| 1 | Explaining Not Getting Married?I want to have another chance at it Not to pick on you, but I note that you used the word "chance", as in, "there's a chance I could win the lottery" and "there's a chance I could gamble at a casino and win" and "there's a chance it will rain tomorrow". Freudian slip? | /r/Divorce_Men | 03/08/21 02:42 PM |
| 1 | Explaining Not Getting Married?she’ll try to get pregnant and hope that changes your mind This flag could be no more bright red. | /r/Divorce_Men | 03/08/21 02:40 PM |
| 1 | Explaining Not Getting Married?Exactly. Marriage is not a contract with the girl. It's a contract with the government. And the government is bad at everything. | /r/Divorce_Men | 03/08/21 02:40 PM |
| 2 | QuestionWell, jeez, dude, tell us more. Do you love your kids? Do you want shared custody? Do you agree with her assumption that mom always gets full custody when there's a divorce? You're asking us to pick one of HER two options? What about what you want? What's important to you? Believe it or not, you have SOME voice in your own divorce, some sovereignty, some dignity, some vote. | /r/Divorce_Men | 03/08/21 02:37 PM |
| 3 | Introducing myself"I love you but I'm no longer in love with you" Oh God. I thought girls stopped saying after 8th grade. I can't imagine a grown woman actually using that line. My primary thoughts are with the kids, especially as young as they are. It's great that you have a good arrangement with the kids now. I would document that fact now; it could be useful later. It's my fear and my experience that once the divorce starts going, if there's an issue that boils over (such as money), then, quite suddenly, her s… | /r/Divorce_Men | 03/08/21 02:28 PM |
| 3 | Worried about stbx getting your money?Have you been divorced? Owed child support? Faced an angry judge? It's amazing how many men think being broke protects them from collection efforts. Owning back child support or alimony while facing a pissed-off judge is like skipping a payment when you've borrowed money from the mafia. If you tell them you don't have it, they'll say WELL, YOU BETTER FUCKING GET IT, OR ELSE. And they're serious. They'll fucking hurt you. They WILL get their pound of flesh. You can sit in jail forever for all the… | /r/Divorce_Men | 03/08/21 02:09 PM |
| 3 | 15 years, no kids. This isn't easy."Two drowning people is not an improvement over one drowning person." Actually had a divorce lawyer tell me that one. I wrote it down. I liked it. It's true, but amazingly rare knowledge. | /r/Divorce_Men | 03/08/21 01:59 PM |
| 2 | 15 years, no kids. This isn't easy.Confirmed. | /r/Divorce_Men | 03/08/21 01:58 PM |
| 2 | 15 years, no kids. This isn't easy.It's strange how quickly something becomes "normal". THIS sentiment, in fact, these exact words, are the Epilogue of my marriage. Not just sleeping arrangements, but sex, money, dreams, life. Just one example: A while ago, I happened to see some video that I shot at our home with an old video camera many years ago. We were still "happily" married at the time (whatever). I was shocked! The place was cluttered like crazy! Not quite an episode of "Hoarders", but close. My ex-wife just stacked piles… | /r/Divorce_Men | 03/08/21 01:52 PM |
| 3 | 15 years, no kids. This isn't easy.No More Mr. Nice Guy! Great book. Maybe not every chapter will apply to every man's life. But some chapters will resonate for sure. Insightful. | /r/Divorce_Men | 03/08/21 01:46 PM |
| 2 | 15 years, no kids. This isn't easy.I hope I don't go nuts and start partying or something Allow yourself to have SOME fun. I went to Thailand after I decided to hit the ejector seat. I can make jokes all day about the sexual adventures a man can purchase there. But, to be honest, the best and most unexpected pleasure was simply to be with a woman WHO WANTED TO BE WITH ME, and was excited to see me, and wanted to make me feel happy and appreciated. Sure, the experienced was purchased. But my ex-wife expected to be paid for HER job… | /r/Divorce_Men | 03/08/21 01:41 PM |
| 2 | Post divorce updateHey, I don't know about NC. But in Virginia, there is actually is a statute that says dad's support obligation can be decreased by the cost of visitation. Something like that. It seems that law was written with men like you in mind. A dad shouldn't be penalized by travel costs to visit his own children, especially if mom moves away. It might be worth checking out in NC. It's not much, but it might help. | /r/Divorce_Men | 03/08/21 01:34 PM |
| 4 | How much is this 💩supposed to cost!?How much is this supposed to cost? I always envision that scene in the film Vacation with Chevy Chase in which Chevy asks a mechanic how much money it costs to fix his car. The mechanic refuses to give him a specific price. Instead, he says (in a threatening way), "All of it, boy." When I was lawyer shopping, I swear, their first duty was to screen me for how much money we had to spend. Even the judge, I think, was rubbing his hands together when he realized I was a "high earner". NOW, he has so… | /r/Divorce_Men | 03/08/21 01:26 PM |
| 6 | How much is this 💩supposed to cost!?Someone made the good point that lifetime alimony implies a divorced woman is more helpless than a newborn baby. A newborn baby is only entitled to 18 years of child support. But, a divorced woman can't become self-sufficient in those same 18 years? Or 25 years? or 30 years? | /r/Divorce_Men | 03/08/21 01:18 PM |
| -1 | How much is this 💩supposed to cost!?Because it is worth it. Wow, what a brilliant, original expression. You should copyright that before some scoundrel steals it. Why do people think this saying is so clever? Divorce is expensive because of scumbag lawyers. Scumbag lawyers are not "worth" anything except a bullet in the head. | /r/Divorce_Men | 03/08/21 01:14 PM |
| 2 | How much is this 💩supposed to cost!?http://190.97.162.68/DivorceCorp.mp4 | /r/Divorce_Men | 03/08/21 01:12 PM |
| 3 | Do I have a shot?Upvote because this is exactly the right answer. I felt compelled to point out that when the genders are reversed, it's amazing how the attitudes become one-sided. Example: on /r/TwoXChromosomes or /r/Divorce, when a mother says she caught her husband cheating, the replies are basically: "Take the kids and run. You and your kids deserve to be happy." I'm thinking, what about the dad? She never said he was a bad father. Don't kids need a father? I know they're just comments on Reddit. But I think… | /r/Divorce_Men | 02/08/21 12:08 PM |
| 5 | I just found Alec Baldwin's book about his own divorce. It's sad and shocking, and shows that the unfairness of divorce can happen to ANY man.About half-way. It's on Amazon Kindle. | /r/Divorce_Men | 01/08/21 06:03 PM |
| 3 | 50/50 custody, child support due to wage differentialwhy do I need to give some money to essentially subsidize my STBX poor choices in life [?] ... [it gives] my STBX less incentive to work harder Well, the blunt answer is that you're sponsoring the behavior. Were you ordered by the court to pay for all those things? If so, was there a dollar amount attached to it? I mean, summer camps, for example, range from cheap to expensive. Were you ordered to pay for the expensive one? Perhaps I'm projecting my ex-wife's behavior on yours. She let her incom… | /r/Divorce_Men | 01/08/21 06:02 PM |
| 4 | Need some adviceTo make your time with your lawyer shorter and more productive, try to do some research first. Find out if Maryland has "at-fault" divorce as well as "no-fault". "No-fault" is just what it sounds like; no one is at fault. But it probably has the one-year separation clause you're asking about. She could easily get alimony with a no-fault divorce. It wouldn't matter if she cheated because, again, no one is at fault. These types of divorces are more common. "At-fault" requires hard evidence, which … | /r/Divorce_Men | 01/08/21 01:54 PM |
| 2 | How to communicate when angry?I’m in the anger stage of my divorce Well, honestly, you're ahead of the game if you already realize it's just a stage. Bargaining and depression are no picnics. But, can close your eyes for a moment, and picture yourself one or two years from now, feeling acceptance? What would that older version of yourself tell you to do now? | /r/Divorce_Men | 31/07/21 02:30 PM |
| 1 | 10 years, 2 kids under 18, virginiaYou're drunk, bot. Go home. | /r/Divorce_Men | 31/07/21 02:22 PM |
| 2 | 10 years, 2 kids under 18, virginiaWow, there's a lot here. First, I also divorced in Virginia. It appears that ten years of marriage is a bright line; it defines a "long-term" marriage and alimony can go up. Be sure it's clearly documented that you've separated before 10 years. I, too, am aware of the 1-year requirement to separate before you can file. My advice here is make it clear to friends and family that you're no longer a married couple. Don't post anything on social media that implies you're together. Don't talk to your … | /r/Divorce_Men | 31/07/21 02:06 PM |
| 1 | In divorce process, fighting for equal placement with my kids (WI)she’s making me out to be some absent father Women love this excuse. They'll dismiss you with contempt, suggesting you want more custody just to lower child support payments. And if you put in long hours at work during the marriage to provide for your family, they're happy to use it against you in the divorce ("He was never home"). Female logic fails to see that marriage has dynamics. When people divorce, the dynamics change. Example: I anticipated that my wife would be sexually available when I… | /r/Divorce_Men | 29/07/21 02:25 PM |
| 5 | Things are hardImagine signing a contract with those statistics up-front? You know, I've thought about this. I don't remember signing ANY CONTRACT at all. Some will argue that getting married is, itself, a contract. I guess. But consider this: If you go to a bank and borrow even just $500, the law requires the bank to give honest disclosures up-front, and to inform you of your rights (Truth in Lending Act). Hell, even my last employment contract was eight pages, filled with fine print. But the so-called "Marri… | /r/Divorce_Men | 29/07/21 12:50 PM |
| 2 | Daughter wants mom.why it breaks your heart that she wants her mother? Really? You really don't understand? You can't even make a guess? | /r/Divorce_Men | 28/07/21 02:10 PM |
| 3 | Daughter wants mom.Eh, tough one. There's a phenomenon called "Disney Dad". Without even realizing it, I was becoming a Disney Dad, even before I'd ever heard of the expression. I thought the situation was unique to me. But it happens to plenty of dads. Here's the idea: Because a dad has so little precious time with his kids, he doesn't want it to be unpleasant in any way. No bed times, no homework, no discipline. Instead, it's just toys and fun trips and pizza and movies and unlimited freedom. At that point, mom … | /r/Divorce_Men | 28/07/21 01:49 PM |
| 2 | DesperationOP, you didn't tell us much about your marriage. Is the marriage linked to your depression? Well, you're in a divorce subreddit, so I expect so. First, the "good" news (relatively) is that you don't have three children. You have an adult child and another child about to become an adult. There are plenty of men out there ready to hit the ejection seat, and they have three little kids. That means they're on the hook for big child support payments for years. You're nearly down to one-third of that.… | /r/Divorce_Men | 26/07/21 02:18 AM |
| 2 | do your wives also speak with deep voice to project authority and dominance?I don't think I ever noticed this with my ex. But her tone certainly changed when we argued. I'm no anthropologist, but I wonder how much the media influences personal behaviors. For example, I've seen videos where young men who suddenly find themselves in a potential physical fight will deepen their voice. It could be primitive and instinctual, but certain it could be copied, by choice, from watching other videos. Plenty of "Be A Man" videos emphasize that a deep voice projects confidence. Rela… | /r/Divorce_Men | 25/07/21 01:23 PM |
| 4 | I want my ex to be happy and do wellI'll take the Low Road here and openly say that I hope my ex-wife dies slowly and painfully, alone and afraid in some cold hospital. Thankfully, I don't spend too much energy on this fantasy. She's doing it to herself. She had plenty of self-inflicted health problems during the marriage, and from what I hear, they continued afterwards. I don't mean she was suicidal. Just didn't take her health seriously, even when faced with real problems. Would argue with doctors, reject their advice, borderlin… | /r/Divorce_Men | 25/07/21 01:13 PM |
| 2 | Child support and capital gainsI want to be upfront, I do NOT want to get around child support Relax, brother, you're among friends here. This isn't like the other divorce subs that shit all over men for even questioning unreasonable child support. "I absolutely believe that my children deserve no support at all, and I refuse to pay a penny towards them." ---said no man, ever, not at least that I've ever known. I'm sure there are some TRUE deadbeats out there. But I wouldn't know. And they certainly wouldn't be on this sub, l… | /r/Divorce_Men | 24/07/21 11:25 PM |
| 2 | fuck the lawyers, I'm going pro se - a primerIn your "General Rules", I notice you didn't cover the most common category: Men who can't afford a lawyer (especially if there's a lengthy trial). I also note that you omitted a comment you made the other day, that Pro Se litigants are fools. Supposing it's true that Pro Se litigants are fools, do you really think they deserve to be bulldozed in court? They deserve to lose their children? They deserve to be driven to suicidal despair? All because you need to make payments on that new Mercedes? … | /r/Divorce_Men | 22/07/21 10:28 PM |
| 9 | (29M) - I’m wondering if it’s time to go ahead and leave my spouse (28F). I’m so sick and tired of arguing with this lady, and being incompatible. I literally feel my blood pressure rising during every conversation we have.I feel my health declining The answer is in the question. What's worth your health? | /r/Divorce_Men | 21/07/21 08:43 PM |
| 2 | My 500.00 an hour attorney got smoked by her 200.00 attorney!!it's what you can prove in court to be true that matters. Ha. Good luck with that. I proved that my ex-wife lied under oath. The judge yawned. Even Mark Twain's perspective from 100 years ago still applies: "Would you rather have an experienced lawyer from the best law school? Or the lawyer who has lunch with the judge?" | /r/Divorce_Men | 21/07/21 02:06 PM |
| 1 | My 500.00 an hour attorney got smoked by her 200.00 attorney!!Do you believe that Pro Se litigants in family court deserve to lose their children and deserve to lose their future financial security? Do you believe we, as a society, should deliberately create more fatherless children as punishment because a dad couldn't afford a good lawyer? Is your Mercedes payment really that important? | /r/Divorce_Men | 21/07/21 02:02 PM |
| 2 | How to save legal fees - 10 tipsyou sue us for malpractice Ah, wouldn't that be something? Turing one scumbag lawyer against another. Gee, I sure would hate for a lawyer to be sued. The fucking world would stop turning. | /r/Divorce_Men | 20/07/21 07:33 PM |
| 1 | How to save legal fees - 10 tipsI'm too busy fucking your ex. | /r/Divorce_Men | 20/07/21 07:32 PM |
| 3 | How to save legal fees - 10 tipsI think this list focuses too much on minutiae and not the big picture. Well, Number 4 (set a budget) covers it, I guess. But I think there's much more to this. From my experience, two big things: Divorce is an adversarial fight. But that doesn't mean your lawyer and the opposing lawyer actually hate each other. In fact, they're cooperating to drive up billable hours. More than once, I had to reign this in. Example: One party owes the other party a document, or a check. They're one day late, per… | /r/Divorce_Men | 20/07/21 02:23 PM |
| 2 | How to save legal fees - 10 tipsa love-hate relationship with lawyers Sorry to burst your bubble, but it's hate-hate, not love-hate. | /r/Divorce_Men | 20/07/21 01:31 PM |
| 1 | NJ divorce - can the discovery time line extended ?"Unduly burdensome" is a legitimate objection to Discovery. But, in your case, it sounds as if you're willing to provide the documents, but you just need more time. I suppose it's reasonable. And if you file a reasonable motion, I'd say the court would approve it. Basically argue that Discovery was overly burdensome for the time allowed, and that you need more time. Give yourself a deadline, and remind the court that this is in the best interests of justice because you want to comply with Discov… | /r/Divorce_Men | 20/07/21 01:08 PM |
| 26 | Cubs star's estranged wife demands $4m compensation after HER affair with pastorThe article doesn't give many details. But it does appear she's not asking for $4 million in alimony, or even $4 million division of assets. It's worse. Instead, it appears Ben voluntarily stopped working for a few months, and lost $4 million in salary opportunity. She's arguing the "missing" $4 million was stolen from the family nestegg (of which, of course, she's entitled to half). Think about this for a moment. As a man facing divorce, you can't decide for yourself to take a few months off. E… | /r/Divorce_Men | 20/07/21 01:02 PM |
| 3 | Embrace the suck....being alone and empty lasts but for a season[if] she "believes" she can do better [...] it's over If you run this sentiment past women, many of them will reject it (along with calling you a misogynist incel). I know anecdotal stories aren't evidence. But here's a quick test. In my senior year of high school, I had my first real, serious girlfriend. We exchanged virginities and I loved her (not sure you can feel true love at that age, but my feelings were very strong for her). After 11 months of dating, she cheated. But take some guesses a… | /r/Divorce_Men | 19/07/21 02:26 PM |
| 6 | How to Present Impermissible Benefits?OP, I get it. Certainly, there's an appearance of something fishy going on. But my gut tells me nothing will come of it. The lawyer can simply say he's doing a Pro Bono case as a service to the community at large. Perhaps you need to clearly define who is being unethical. If it's the wife, that's one thing. If it's the lawyer, that's another. From what you've written, it sounds as if you're accusing the wife of being unethical, not the lawyer (you point to the teacher's handbook). If that's the … | /r/Divorce_Men | 18/07/21 03:53 PM |
| 3 | NJ divorce - discovery Incomplete docsYou or your lawyer can file a motion to compel. It's basically asking the court to force your wife to comply with Discovery. If you're asking about bank statements or other documents that originate with some Third Party, then you can also subpoena the Third Party directly. Beware of a few things. If she has a crafty lawyer, there are plenty of reasons to withhold something in Discovery. You can Google 'reasons to object to discovery' to get a list. But that's why you have a hearing after filing … | /r/Divorce_Men | 18/07/21 12:48 PM |
| 3 | Ten years and getting divorcedThere's some truth to this in divorce. During mine, I had the distinct feeling that lawyers (even my own) and the judge were rubbing their hands together when they heard my income ("NOW we have something to work with!"). I kinda feel if I'd been some minimum wage flunky with no net worth, no one would have cared. And to make my point: What about the children of poor men who get divorced? All this moral-high-ground lecturing about the "Best interests of the children" goes away. They only care abo… | /r/Divorce_Men | 17/07/21 11:13 PM |
| 8 | Ten years and getting divorcedShe also had up some claims in the divorce that have no evidence and are also not true /u/dday_throwaway3 beat me to it. I was going to say the same thing. OP, you didn't tell us about her claims. But let me guess: She claims you were abusive in some way? Or you're basically a drunken, cheating, controlling, manipulative narcissist? Here's something I've seen in my own life, and also many times on Reddit. Almost all divorces today are "no-fault", which, just like it says, means no one is at faul… | /r/Divorce_Men | 17/07/21 01:08 PM |
| 3 | Something Funny but…BE CAREFUL. There are criminal laws out there about computer tampering and so on. It may sound innocent, but hacking into someone else's account, even if it's just Facebook, can be a crime. If you try to bring any evidence into trial, a good lawyer can ask you, under oath, where you got it. Besides being inadmissible at trial, you could be admitting to a crime. | /r/Divorce_Men | 14/07/21 01:50 PM |
| 2 | 7/14/2021 D DAYYYYI've made this very same observation. In some cases, a man will write about his experiences, and his ex-wife and my ex-wife have uttered literally the very same words. Spooky. | /r/Divorce_Men | 14/07/21 01:44 PM |
| 9 | Divorce Myths that Destroy MenThe court will only do what's in the best interest of the children. When I catch my wife telling lies under oath, the judge will scold her, and it will work out in my favor. Just because the judge and opposing lawyer have lunch together, the judge is still fair and impartial. Any amount of money spent on a lawyer is a good investment in my future. But geez, /u/pegleg_legal, you really nailed the big eight. | /r/Divorce_Men | 14/07/21 01:35 PM |
| 2 | When do you just surrender?going to trial with no lawyer It can be tricky, for sure. Really depends on the strength of your case, how prepared you are, and the judge. You need to understand courtroom language and procedure. For example, you could be on the witness stand being cross-examined by her lawyer. The lawyer can ask you anything. Some questions are objectionable. And you can object. But then you need to know the list of objections and when they can be used. You can't just object because you don't like the question… | /r/Divorce_Men | 13/07/21 08:27 PM |
| 1 | When do you just surrender?CS also can't be negotiated away Well, yes and no. Depends on the circumstances. I agree it's theoretically true according to the books. Some men, like me, have fluctuating incomes before a divorce. The opposing attorney will run the numbers using the man's highest recent earnings (even if it included a one-time bonus). It seems to me that both parties can argue over how much the other ought to be earning (for the purposes of calculating support). But if both sides want to agree about the other,… | /r/Divorce_Men | 13/07/21 08:21 PM |
| 4 | When do you just surrender?... and bring your checkbook. This situation sucks. If you pay a lawyer enough money, you can prevail. But even if you win, you lose. All I can say is there are some dirty tricks to run up HER legal bills and hopefully that will compel her to end the trial quickly. Once you get in to hearings and motions and evidence and subpoenas and witnesses, it's a shit show. | /r/Divorce_Men | 13/07/21 08:18 PM |
| 2 | If STBX loses job.. how does that affect alimonyIt's possible that she could ask for more alimony. The key word that no one here yet has mentioned is "impute". Learn the word if you don't already know it. If support payments were based on actual income on the day people got divorced, everyone would just quit their job or take a lower-paying job. To get around this, the courts can impute income to your wife, basically saying the payments will be based on what she should or could be earning. But from experience, I can tell you, don't assume the… | /r/Divorce_Men | 13/07/21 01:27 PM |
| 1 | LawThe 1/3? I was in Fallujah working for the 1/4 in 2008 and 2009. Some elements of the 1/3 were also there, but I never talking to any of them. Found some old photos... https://imgur.com/a/o6e4TTO I like the "1/3 Would Go" sticker; a nod to Eddie Aikau, the famous lifesaver. Just to be clear, I wasn't a Marine. I was a civilian Navy contractor, but assigned to an organic intel program run by the 1/4. I lived and worked side-by-side with Marines and reported to a Marine captain. Amazing young men;… | /r/Divorce_Men | 12/07/21 04:09 PM |
| 1 | LawOoh-rah and good to see you on this subreddit, Gunny. Totally random question: did you ever serve with the 1/4? I enjoyed reading the energy and confidence in your posts. But me? I'm slightly less optimistic the system can be changed; it doesn't want to change. Awarding lots of child support, for example, is an entrepreneurial endeavor for the courts (see Title IV-D). I basically gave up the good fight long ago. Arguing with a judge is like arguing with a drill instructor: Even if you're right, … | /r/Divorce_Men | 12/07/21 01:15 PM |
| 2 | I feel like putting a bullet in my head and be done with this shit.Then go retire somewhere else and marry a 25-year-old to have sweet revenge for her shitty behavior. Is my plan flawed? Flawed? Getting re-married? Seriously? There are plenty of cute young women that will have sex with you in circumstances other than marriage (and pose with you on some distant beach for those wonderful revenge photos on social media). Jumping Jesus on a Pogo Stick, don't be one of those dudes that escapes a horrible marriage then immediately re-marries. I can NEVER understand w… | /r/Divorce_Men | 12/07/21 12:47 PM |
| 2 | Ex wife agreed and signed court papers to have her maiden name reinstated. 6 years later she is still using my last name. Can I legally enforce her to not use my name?You would change your name to balls_told_me_so? | /r/Divorce_Men | 12/07/21 12:36 PM |
| 1 | Im realizing my behavior and emotions changed.... Maybe I developed PTSD or symptoms?I got literally punched on the side of the head. Wow, I kinda stopped reading right there. Physical violence. Here on Earth, that's what we call a Red Flag. | /r/Divorce_Men | 11/07/21 04:08 AM |
| 3 | Where do you seek support?God Bless the dogs in our lives. Not until I got divorced did I fully appreciate the Mark Twain observation that the difference between a dog and a wife is that a dog won't bite you if you feed it. | /r/Divorce_Men | 11/07/21 04:01 AM |
| 0 | What can I expectrun you through the ringer? I always preferred the meat grinder analogy. When you go through a wringer, you're still in one piece. BTW, it's spelled 'wringer'; it looks like this; it's something your great-grandmother used to do the laundry. | /r/Divorce_Men | 10/07/21 02:49 PM |
| 2 | Losing my mindFuck all those who diagnose others without having a degree. BuT I sPenT tEn MinUTeS ReaDinG thE WikipEdiA pAgE.... /s | /r/Divorce_Men | 10/07/21 02:23 PM |
| 2 | Losing my mindshe would be sound asleep for the entire night as if nothing happened. Meanwhile, I'm left confused, hurt, angry, clear full of anxiety Sounds familiar. I used to say it was her job to “throw hand grenades”. It’s easy to lob horribly destructive words as long as you get to stand back and not have to deal with the aftermath. My ex-wife’s other job, for a while, seemed to be Googling various symptoms until she found what she wanted – a diagnosis of some new mental illness of mine. ... not do a dam… | /r/Divorce_Men | 10/07/21 02:19 PM |
| 1 | Just a rant about the culture of divorcethe children’s needs are considered the most important In the spirit of OP's observation that divorce is an engineered mess, let's scrutinize the "Best Interests of The Children" doctrine. I'm no lawyer, but have read about the history of divorce in the USA. A hundred years ago, there were several Supreme Court cases where the rights of the parents were upheld. Judges wrote that raising one's own children as seen fit by the parent was a fundamental right in America. To take away a man's child, w… | /r/Divorce_Men | 09/07/21 02:42 PM |
| 3 | Protonmailhttps://protonmail.com/support/knowledge-base/two-factor-authentication/ Also https://www.reddit.com/r/cybersecurity/ https://www.reddit.com/r/ComputerSecurity/ https://www.reddit.com/r/hacking/ Lots of info there. | /r/Divorce_Men | 09/07/21 02:29 PM |
| 2 | ProtonmailWell, good point. Until OP replies, we can only guess. But it's probably worth a discussion: If you're planning to get divorced (or in the middle of it), your STBXW should absolutely not have access to any of your devices. In fact, if you're still under one roof, if she's savvy enough, she could capture traffic on the WiFi router (or hire someone who can). First thing I did when things went south: Change all my passwords. Change all my security questions to non-sensical answers (e.g.: what's you… | /r/Divorce_Men | 09/07/21 02:26 PM |
| 8 | Just granted my divorce an hour ago!If I were there, I'd buy you a drink. Or six. "But it's not even noon." "So?" | /r/Divorce_Men | 08/07/21 02:52 PM |
| 2 | Has anyone had to deal with a covert NPD?Has anyone had to deal with a covert NPD? Are you kidding, this is Reddit. EVERYONE ON REDDIT is dealing with a narcissistic boyfriend/husband/wife/etc... Sorry, OP, not trying to pick on you personally. But this is one of those aggro things about Reddit. In real life, only about 1% of the population has NPD. And it requires a diagnosis from a mental health professional. But on every marriage and dating subreddit, EVERYONE is convinced their partner is a narcissist. No mental health professional… | /r/Divorce_Men | 08/07/21 02:13 PM |
| 28 | Post divorce experienceWish you had done it earlier? I had no idea that courts considered a 10-year marriage as a "long term" marriage. Generally, alimony is paid for half the length of the marriage (e.g.: 8-year marriage? then 4 years of alimony). But, bizarrely, and for reasons I don't understand, alimony can be permanent (lifetime) for so-called "long-term" marriages. If a man leaves his SAHM wife after 30 years, I can kinda get it. But after just ten years? A woman married at 23 can get lifetime alimony at 33? OK,… | /r/Divorce_Men | 06/07/21 01:06 PM |
| 4 | Brace yourselves for a rant / story time (long post, I know! My apologies!)Hey brother, a few things pop out at me: I’ll admit it’s a bit of a status thing having a really nice truck the housing market is hot my fear is the court could order we sell the house Near the end of your post, you admit that divorce will have a financial impact. But if you're thinking about a "really nice truck" and keeping the house, personally, I don't think you appreciate the true financial impact yet. It's always worse than you think. If your wife puts up any resistance at all (custody, de… | /r/Divorce_Men | 06/07/21 12:55 PM |
| 1 | Men, is this fair?it takes two to get to a divorce. Where in the world did you get that idea? | /r/Divorce_Men | 06/07/21 12:36 PM |
| 2 | Men, is this fair?luckily our judge was a latina I don't know if this is true. But if so, it's emblematic of everything wrong with Family Court. Your whole life (and children's lives) are hinged on the judge's ethnicity? Wow, really says a lot. I used to joke that judges can rule against you for any reason, or no reason, or even if they're in a bad mood. | /r/Divorce_Men | 06/07/21 12:31 PM |
| 2 | Spousal Support Enforcement Outside the USAExtradition Spousal support arrears is a civil matter, not criminal. Unless he murders his wife, I doubt the word "extradition" needs to be a part of the conversation. | /r/Divorce_Men | 04/07/21 01:43 AM |
| 1 | Spousal Support Enforcement Outside the USAkiss your non-Mexico North América privileges goodbye Huh? You mean OP won't be able to visit Honduras? Well, shit, there's a major loss. But seriously, I question why he can't visit NATO countries. Albania and Estonia are in NATO. They won't give a shit about OP's alimony. What does NATO have to do with it? | /r/Divorce_Men | 03/07/21 06:05 PM |
| 1 | Spousal Support Enforcement Outside the USAThese two comments.... my daughter -- the 100% absolute most important thing in the world to me (your comment in another post) And.... I'll be damned to Hell if I (stay and pay) I've been there. It's an impossible choice. If you leave, hopefully you can maintain a relationship with the kid. But there's no guarantee. I'll point out that, when you get on a plane, they tell you to put on your own oxygen mask first in an emergency, then help others. You need to take care of yourself first. | /r/Divorce_Men | 03/07/21 03:35 PM |
| 3 | Spousal Support Enforcement Outside the USAOP, I sympathize with all. I can relate to much of it. Before I address your question, have you considered becoming disabled? Serious question. I had a lawyer girlfriend once who privately told me she could get ANYONE deemed disabled by a court. It means Social Security Disability payments. But more importantly, in a case like yours, it means you can't work. So, perhaps an alternative plan is to start 'becoming' disabled now. Start seeing a therapist, claiming you're burnt-out and over-stressed … | /r/Divorce_Men | 03/07/21 02:47 PM |
| 5 | Advice for a weekend dad pleaseMy ex-wife is fine with my daughter visiting and staying with me in the other country Wow. You're lucky. Take advantage. I live in another country, and when I asked for the kids to have passports, the ex-wife and her lawyer said 'no fucking way'. As soon as tried to challenge it in court, I was shut down. It seems to me that visiting every weekend (or every other weekend) is too short of a time to get to know a kid. It's over as soon as it starts. But if you can have her for weeks at a time (sum… | /r/Divorce_Men | 26/06/21 12:00 PM |
| 5 | The first nights apartFrom Bill Burr: “Realize that sleeping on a futon when you're 30 is not the worst thing. You know what's worse, sleeping in a king bed next to a wife you're not really in love with but for some reason you married, and you got a couple kids, and you got a job you hate. You'll be laying there fantasizing about sleeping on a futon. There's no risk when you go after a dream. There's a tremendous amount to risk to playing it safe.” | /r/Divorce_Men | 25/06/21 02:00 PM |
| 7 | Heaven help you if you end up with a magistrate like I had! It was like he had school-boy crush on my ex wifethey just don't want to end up holding the bag for anyone who was formerly financially dependent on someone else I've heard this logic before. It sounds great until you extend it a bit. This implies that a divorced woman is a "hot potato" that no one wants. It turns into a game where the last person touching her is stuck with the bills. Imagine someone running up to you and throwing a baby at you. If you catch the baby, they'd run away shouting, "It's your problem now, asshole!". What a joke. I … | /r/Divorce_Men | 25/06/21 01:51 PM |
| 3 | Do you at any time regret divorcing your wife? How’s life (mentally) post divorce? .. 29M looking to potentially get the process started.I'm much older than you, but when I was a kid, there was a stand-up comedian named Sam Kinison. He gave great advice in this regard. It's just a 3-minute clip: https://youtu.be/9GXPd0fnpKw Says it all. | /r/Divorce_Men | 23/06/21 01:52 PM |
| 2 | (Recommended Reading) - Fire Your WifeIt is good, but needs to be updated, especially with crypto in the picture. Maybe we can organize some volunteers to update it? | /r/Divorce_Men | 23/06/21 01:45 PM |
| 2 | Try to keep the perspective "it could be worse"Interesting post, OP. My personal story is pretty bad. Too many details to share here. But reading this subreddit makes me grateful sometimes. My ex and I owned lots of real estate during the marriage. I loved the last house we owned. I put gallons of sweat equity into it. I thought it was my "Forever Home". Strong emotional connection with the house for me. Before the marriage got bad, we had to part ways with that house for financial reasons. For the rest of the marriage, we/she was in apartme… | /r/Divorce_Men | 21/06/21 12:28 PM |
| 4 | I hope my lawyer is right…Good for you for being in a superior position. I hope it works out for you. But there's another aspect. It's basically the idea of hating the game, not the player. How did we get to the point in Family Court where the parent who can afford the most experienced and aggressive lawyer is the winner? Well, the lawyers shaped this system. Over on /r/divorce, I've seen comments saying that Pro Se litigants deserve to lose their money, and deserve to lose their kids. What about guys like me? I earmarke… | /r/Divorce_Men | 21/06/21 12:07 PM |
| 2 | Zero Response to Spousal Support OfferI have been ordered to pay her lawyer over 20k I think the whole idea of paying the opposing lawyer needs to be re-examined. At least, there should be some line-by-line accounting. My ex's lawyer was $350/hour, but I swear, she would find busywork for herself. She would invent pointless little issues that could be resolved with a single phone call, but she'd file motions and make a big deal out of them. THEN, after that, EXPECT ME TO PAY? | /r/Divorce_Men | 20/06/21 01:33 PM |
| 1 | Zero Response to Spousal Support OfferHmmmm. I'll share my experience. I always thought lawyers were also negotiators. Like, maybe negotiating is taught in law school or something. There really is an art to it. We have people in our government who negotiate nuclear bomb treaties with North Korea. Geez, it seems like a divorce should be no problem. I was very disappointed by my lawyer. I told her I never expected to go to trial. There was no point. Everything could be settled, compromised, negotiated. I still remember our first (and … | /r/Divorce_Men | 20/06/21 01:29 PM |
| 3 | The kid's therapist will not talk to me. Needs Wife and Kids consentWhat state? In Virginia (and possibly other states), BOTH PARENTS, regardless of custody, have access to the children's educational and medical records. I know this for a fact. I can even recite the statute: Virginia Code section 20-124.6. In the past, when I approached my daughter's therapist, I was given the same runaround. Even when I mention the statute (which is written in plain English and anyone can look up), they still ignore me. I had to get a lawyer to threaten them. They finally saw t… | /r/Divorce_Men | 19/06/21 01:39 PM |
| 1 | Seeing a marriage therapist soon, what if I bring up possible undiagnosed psyche illnesses?I have experience here. I have been in your footsteps. Unfortunately, it's a waste of time and effort. And if you're at the point where you're doing "research" and trying to diagnosis her, it's almost certainly not going to end well. Consider what she will hear: "Good news, honey, I figured out what's wrong with you! Now, just take this pill so I can be happy again!" Wife insists it be a female. Of course. She wants an ally. Hell, why not have one of her friends do the counseling? Sorry, brother… | /r/Divorce_Men | 18/06/21 01:57 PM |
| 3 | Change how you look at your narcissistic exIf you're in a high-conflict divorce ... your ex is ... a narcissist Brother, I appreciate your post and your perspective. Every man has the right to investigate the problems in his life. But I contend that trying to diagnose mental health problems during a divorce is pointless, possibly hurtful, and on Reddit, it's just background noise. On Reddit, I see it far more with women. Go to any subreddit for dating or marriage, and it seems EVERY WOMEN OUT THERE has dated or divorced a "narcissistic".… | /r/Divorce_Men | 17/06/21 02:14 PM |
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