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hombredelgato Archive

View 0 posts and 189 comments by hombredelgato on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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6

You are not responsible for the actions she takes after the news is delivered. She is a human being with her own volition and is in control over her own behavior. If she does anything destructive to herself or any property, it is only intended to control you. If you're already scared of what she will do, it is because these tactics have worked as they are intended. She reacts with over-the-top emotion and does things that make you afraid of doing things to "hurt" her. So her control is complete.…
/r/Divorce_Men21/10/22 09:26 PM
2

so the equity is her only asset, which implies you have other asset(s). Why not trade your 1/2 of the equity for all the other assets? If she owns it outright she can worry about the repairs/upkeep, even if means a HELOC or cash-out refi.
/r/Divorce_Men21/10/22 09:07 PM
1

Spot on. Same advice. Own your responsibility and grow from that place.
/r/Divorce_Men13/10/22 12:44 PM
1

Totally agree with this advice. Do not get her pregnant. If you have sex after you tell her you're through she can use it as proof you didn't mean it. Get the heck out of there. Take whichever animal you like the most and leave the rest with her. Better yet, bring them to the shelter. If your house smells like piss it's because you have too many and that's basically animal abuse. Get some therapy to figure out why you fell for her manipulations (and why you stayed). That part isn't her fault it'…
/r/Divorce_Men13/10/22 12:41 PM
2

This is a good analogy. Like many things in life, if we knew how hard the path was we might not follow it. Thankfully there were those few in my personal life who would not let me get off the path.
/r/Divorce_Men13/10/22 12:34 PM
2

A divorce attorney represents their client (in this case you). That makes your divorce attorney an "attorney for men". This does not mean they will represent you well. You should ask around, interview a few, etc. More importantly understand the process in your area so you are an informed consumer. Ultimately the ease/speed of the divorce is not really up to you since the other party can (and may) throw the kitchen sink at you to ensure she gets what she wants from the process.
/r/Divorce_Men13/10/22 12:31 PM
2

#4 seems like a good option if the numbers work in your favor (as noted by others). However, I don't know if you can just have your name taken off a mortgage without the mortgage company basically refinancing the loan in her name only. In that case she may still end up with a reasonable payment if she isn't trying to do a cash-out refinance. What if you agree to help her refinance it for the current loan amount by paying the closing cost out of your retirement account (or wherever). I think this…
/r/Divorce_Men13/10/22 12:22 PM
2

Definitely not wrong
/r/Divorce_Men06/10/22 01:15 AM
1

I'm working on year two of the divorce. Coming up on 2 years since she left the house. In my own personal growth I know I'm not ready, but recently I've been feeling the desire to add someone important to my life outside my kids. This is new for me so it would seem that I am "getting ready". I think you just need some more time.
/r/Divorce_Men03/10/22 10:03 PM
2

Wow. Tough situation. I'm 48 and sometimes wish my parents WOULD divorce. If you love both your parents, then I suggest staying WAY out of this situation and being ready to continue to love them separately.
/r/Divorce_Men03/10/22 09:51 PM
1

Ok. You're at THAT point. Counseling isn't going to help in this case. Now you must learn everything you can about narcissistic personality disorder because it will be important for you to know how to make a life with your wife, even if that life is as a divorced man. Focus on learning and personal growth. As you grow it will change the dynamic between you and her to the point where she will become increasingly hostile unless she is capable of personal growth. (I doubt there's much chance for th…
/r/Divorce_Men03/10/22 09:47 PM
2

This fact points to some deep seated hurt in her past. Perhaps abandonment by a parent or something that makes her feel insecure in her relationships. Without saying this you could offer to go through some personal counseling and suggest she does as well. The personal counseling is in conjunction with couples counseling (with a different counselor). She (and perhaps you) need some external support in maturing in your thinking about relationship dynamics. Also, someone else said something about p…
/r/Divorce_Men03/10/22 09:20 PM
11

She complains about him even though she's been divorced 10 years, AND You're experience with her includes toxic fighting to the point where you've taken time away from each other Has your therapist been able to give you any guidance on this?
/r/Divorce_Men26/09/22 07:04 PM
5

Consider this. Maybe by leaving the marriage and getting yourself in a better place (in all the ways that matter) will give you the foundation you need to guide your son into his future. I have found that my relationship with my 20 yr old daughter (anxiety and OCD) has improved greatly and it has allowed me the opportunity to gently push her to step out of her comfort zone more.
/r/Divorce_Men26/09/22 12:53 PM
2

Take care of yourself. Even if you never find a new partner you’ll be better off by yourself than you are now. Get a lawyer. Start the process.
/r/Divorce_Men25/09/22 07:16 PM
1

While not diagnosing your wife or even making a judgement call about you personally I would offer these few recommendations. They helped me tremendously as they gave me a language to understand the relationship I was in and how I ended up in that place. Stop Caretaking the Borderline or Narcissist: How to End the Drama and Get On with Life By: Margalis Fjelstad Help! I’m in Love with a Narcissist By: Steven Carter, Julia Sokol Coming Apart By: Daphne Rose Kingma (This one is quite interesting)
/r/Divorce_Men12/09/22 05:35 PM
2

So... there is a clue from the therapy experience. When she claims she was being attacked it is a sign of an unhealthy emotional state. She is trying to gaslight you by using language designed to make you feel bad for bringing up things about her that you are unhappy with, even when you put them in terms that are not directly attacking her. If she can get you to focus on being the "nice guy" and apologize for "attacking" her she keeps you off-balance. This perspective is reinforced by the other …
/r/Divorce_Men12/09/22 05:24 PM
1

There is something healthy and wonderful about the answers in this thread. I'm also impressed by the gentleness of the responses to OP. I divorced for my kids sake as much as for myself. Being here, stable, calm, engaged, focused and available for them is paying off in tremendous ways. What was missing in my relationships with them when I was married is beginning to be rectified, and I am so grateful for the chance to connect with them in meaningful ways. I am optimistic for their personal growt…
/r/Divorce_Men26/08/22 01:09 PM
1

Brother. I wish strength and hope for you in your journey. There is no doubt that it is a difficult road full of difficulty. Keep your focus on being the best dad. Keep HER future self in your mind and let that motivate you and keep you on the path.
/r/Divorce_Men15/08/22 05:57 PM
1

I knew a Canadian (Vancouver) who experienced divorce. She had to wait one-year under a court mandated separation before the court would approve moving to the divorce stage. Are you going to have to deal with a similar situation?
/r/Divorce_Men15/08/22 05:45 PM
1

Are you a full-time resident of AZ? How does the foreigner status interplay with your situation?
/r/Divorce_Men15/08/22 05:27 PM
4

Reading this subreddit was hugely beneficial. My lawyer's advice was in-line with so much of what is stated here.
/r/Divorce_Men15/08/22 05:22 PM
2

My attorney was VERY clear with me on the custody issue. If I didn't fight for custody because of my ex's narcissism, then I would have a very hard time arguing for custody later on. If she is emotionally and mentally abusive now and if she endangers your child by speeding and being reckless, then you need to fight for full custody. The recordings you make now will help confirm her mental and emotional state and will help protect you from her accusations (and she will definitely make them). I ag…
/r/Divorce_Men15/08/22 05:11 PM
2

Hmmm... perhaps you're right. I seem to have become a toxic ass in my bitterness.
/r/Divorce_Men15/08/22 02:41 PM
8

I heard about a guy who divorced his wife after 50 years. He said he was living the life he wanted (finally) and he only regrets not doing it earlier. Do you think she's rational enough to split the marriage estate without a huge fight?
/r/Divorce_Men15/08/22 12:40 PM
3

Uh... you need to be in therapy. You have some serious body-image issues and I don't think you're getting the right message from the posts here. As another said, "you do you" but I'd really suggest working on the inside of you a lot more than the outside.
/r/Divorce_Men15/08/22 12:38 PM
1

I used a local firm (2 lawyers) who focus on men in divorce. Total cost was $2600 but my ex didn't fight over kid stuff, and I was (and am) bankrupt so the wasn't anything to argue over except how much monthly support I would give her and for how long. Interview a few local lawyers. They should be able to tell you details about the potential judges and how they'd adjust their tactic based on their knowledge the judges' typical behaviors. In my case things were setup so well that the judge signed…
/r/Divorce_Men15/08/22 12:32 PM
40

If she's wanting to separate and is already starting to play games with your kid as a pawn then you need to move quickly. She is not your wife anymore, she is the person who is going to do ANYTHING to get what she wants and in this case she's going to use your child as the ante chip. Fight for your daughter with every tactic you find on this subreddit. My ex was 4 when her parents divorced and she was effectively abandoned by both of them. It caused her to become the manipulative narcissist she …
/r/Divorce_Men15/08/22 12:27 PM
3

This!!
/r/Divorce_Men10/08/22 10:40 AM
1

Our relationship went down over the next 6 months and she got closer and closer to this guy forming what I call an emotional relationship and they sent pictures to each other naked and told each what they wanted to do to each other… she says there was nothing physical but it might as well of been. YES... This was an emotional affair with distinct Sexual undertones. Does she acknowledge that this behavior is an emotional affair? Has she asked for forgiveness and begun working on reconciling the r…
/r/Divorce_Men02/08/22 08:07 PM
2

"She’s been texting me this week about how she’s made a mistake and is willing to work on it, but ultimately she can’t give me what I’ve been wanting for 15 years which is love…" If she's saying this now it's because her exit plan just hit a brick wall. What does "willing to work on it " mean to her?
/r/Divorce_Men02/08/22 06:56 PM
2

Well... when you put it like that....
/r/Divorce_Men02/08/22 05:42 PM
2

If you've read or learned anything about narcissistic personality disorder(NPD) then you'll know about the "love bombing" stage where the NPD reflects all your good qualities back to you. They morph into the person who is "perfect" for you to pull you in. In this dynamic I was the "caretaker" (another deep growth lesson) that reflexively started to take care of her needs before we married and kept meeting her needs (or trying) without concern for my own. It was a quick dating/engagement (less th…
/r/Divorce_Men01/08/22 02:01 PM
1

Pretty simple actually. I grew up in a trauma filled childhood that taught me to devalue myself and to put everyone and their needs ahead of me. I married a woman who continued the pattern. Took 16 years to begin understanding that, took 5 more years to learn it, took 1 year to decide I wasn’t going to live like that anymore.
/r/Divorce_Men01/08/22 11:32 AM
2

Yeah… not coming up with anything. Had the same problem with finding positive points about her when we were married.
/r/Divorce_Men01/08/22 06:52 AM
3

I agree with "awesomelybearded" here. In her session she will probably focus on you and all your "bad" attributes. This is the nature of the NPD/BPD sufferer. They can't accept responsibility for anything and they project all their woes on other people. Focus on your efforts to grow. Talk about your kids and their growth. Speak in forward-looking statements that are full of hope, yet be honest about how you feel at this moment and the impact the change is having. The therapist already knows what…
/r/Divorce_Men28/07/22 12:25 PM
2

I didn't go through any evaluation as part of the divorce. My point about therapy is due to you worrying about "passing" an evaluation due to your emotional state. You need support from friends and a good therapist during this transition time. The therapist will give you tips and tools you can use to calm your emotions during stressful events like a mental health eval.
/r/Divorce_Men28/07/22 12:20 PM
3

If you are not in a routine therapy situation you should consider it immediately. I started therapy for CPTSD right before my ex told me about her emotional affair. The counselor shifted immediately to supporting me through all the crap that followed and then through the time of the divorce process. Just having someone who listened and asked pertinent questions kept me balanced and focused on maintaining a high degree of focus on the goal. Good luck.
/r/Divorce_Men27/07/22 12:52 PM
2

OP… this is exactly right!
/r/Divorce_Men17/07/22 09:29 PM
1

You cheated on her. Bold strategy Cotton.
/r/Divorce_Men01/07/22 06:47 PM
1

As a cheater she's proven she is only capable of thinking about herself. This is not going to change and eventually she's going to start thinking about how to get as much out of this as she can. In other words, you're hoping the clock on a live time-bomb isn't going to run out of time...
/r/Divorce_Men01/07/22 06:42 PM
2

When it's all said and done the whole thing will have cost me $220K+ in real cash, not counting the two bankruptcies and the opportunity costs such as not having any retirement or kid college funds or wedding funds, etc. So in that sense of the word I am definitively the loser. However, you'd have a hard time convincing me that I am the actual loser.
/r/Divorce_Men10/06/22 12:30 PM
2

“My Bankruptcy”… yep heard those words from mine many times.
/r/Divorce_Men20/05/22 08:48 AM
1

Are you negotiating over email? I did with mine giving me a chain of evidence of the changes from the original to the last. This killed any chance she could argue that she was “blindsided” by the official settlement offer.
/r/Divorce_Men18/05/22 08:27 AM
4

I was already in the middle of my second bankruptcy in 10 years so my cost were already “sunk”… Took me 20 years to finally realize that I was being abused emotionally and that I was the only person who could break the cycle.
/r/Divorce_Men14/05/22 11:09 AM
3

Brother, you are in for one hell of a fight. If you aren't in therapy now, get into it SOON. This doesn't have to be considered mental health (for the military side of things), but you NEED to begin to understand how you ended up here in the first place. TELL PEOPLE. Especially your oldest friends. You're going to need folks who can listen and support when the shit hits the fan. PREPARE (others have already given hints on how). LEARN everything you can about narcissism and borderline personality…
/r/Divorce_Men13/05/22 07:15 PM
3

I did after 6 months of marriage and personal therapy. Turns out she “didn’t know if she loved me anymore” which apparently began in 2015 and resulted in her getting into an emotional affair with my brother.
/r/Divorce_Men13/05/22 11:46 AM
10

My ex admitted to my sister that she wasn’t sure she loved me when we got married, but she knew I would be successful… so yeah. You did the right thing.
/r/Divorce_Men12/05/22 08:55 PM
2

Good list. I'll add that you should start communicating through text messaging or email only. Consider face-to-face communications as a last resort and ALWAYS ensure you record those interactions. (Make sure you can legally record a conversation in your state).
/r/Divorce_Men12/04/22 04:36 PM
1

Just had a long discussion with my 16 year old today in this "counter parenting" mode.... There is no co-parenting in the divorce when there was no joint-parenting during the marriage.
/r/Divorce_Men11/04/22 03:44 PM
1

How horrible of your ex to burden them with this secret? Kids can’t begin to weigh the right or wrong of this situation. If they expose her they lose her “love” so they have to pretend things are ok in a failed attempt to keep you both.
/r/Divorce_Men09/04/22 02:51 AM
3

Learn about covert narcissism.
/r/Divorce_Men07/04/22 07:04 PM
1

So can you if they need to be rescued...
/r/Divorce_Men07/04/22 07:00 PM
2

My lawyer was pretty adamant with me that if I agreed to 50/50 at the beginning it would be hard to argue that her abusive personality was a problem later on, especially after the decree was signed. You're setting a precedent by accepting the "standard custody" that says you think she is a good enough mother as she is now. After considering the situation I went ahead and kept it 50/50 because my kids are older and I believe their time with me helps balance out what happens when they're with her.…
/r/Divorce_Men07/04/22 05:26 PM
5

I remember the day I knew that divorce was my only option. It was after some radical revelations that left me reeling with emotional overload. My mind went immediately to the challenges of raising my three children without "help" and I could not imaging how to be a single dad while working, taking care of my home, recovering from the 20 years of abuse, and everything else that my mind was fixated on. I did not proceed to divorce for another seven months, and the divorce was final one-year after …
/r/Divorce_Men31/03/22 01:56 PM
2

This is solid advice.
/r/Divorce_Men31/03/22 01:39 PM
3

Let’s face. They won. They effectively ruined tangible consequences.... You sir are wise beyond your years if you have recognized the world such as it is. Our forefathers (of recent vintage) have allowed the culture to devolve into one where no one pays for the consequences of their OWN decisions. This pervasive attitude of doing whatever pleases the self and running hard from the consequences has absolutely ruined the last two or three generations. It can't last much longer. This I hope for and…
/r/Divorce_Men10/03/22 01:22 PM
1

I remind my kids about days that are special to their mom. They're old enough now and have their allowance, so if they want to do something for her they can buy it themselves. I'm not sure I'd go as far as buying something "from them".
/r/Divorce_Men04/03/22 10:14 PM
1

You will end up with a custody agreement from the court. It will say what you want, or you negotiate, or the judge will just make something up. Don't put your head in the sand on this one.
/r/Divorce_Men03/03/22 01:51 PM
2

Work in progress. I'm over her but not over the divorce yet. The circumstances of the situation that drove my decision weighs heavily on my mind, but I treat it like a constant urgency to grow from the experience.
/r/Divorce_Men28/02/22 05:49 PM
1

After that comment she stopped fighting about money and accepted my settlement offer. The offer was so lopsided my lawyer made me sign a waiver acknowledging that I was making a deal that was not in my best interest. I think whoever was advising her realized she was getting an outstanding deal and convinced her to accept.
/r/Divorce_Men28/02/22 02:45 PM
2

There is story after story on this sub-reddit about these extraordinarily expensive divorces. I was/am shocked about the amounts and for a minute I had a hard time with the idea of spending that much on divorce, but then I added up the total amount of debt my marriage cost me.... I guess 200K+ of debt in 20 years comes out the same in the end. The thing that saved me in the divorce was my SECOND bankruptcy. There literally was nothing to split with her. She once gloated about how she was entitle…
/r/Divorce_Men26/02/22 03:22 PM
2

Similar stories abound. Drama for drama's sake. Double-standards. Belittling. Insulting. Degrading. Character assassination. On and on it went. I remember a moment before the divorce was final when I had a rough day and was thinking that perhaps I should open the door for reconciliation, but there was an email exchange that went unnecessarily sideways and I read her crap and this reminded me that NOTHING would change if I turned off the process. I started writing about my experiences in an attem…
/r/Divorce_Men26/02/22 02:43 PM
1

Only communicate via email. Keep every email. Don't over explain in your emails. Don't keep responding trying to "make her understand". This is her hook to keep you thinking about her.
/r/Divorce_Men26/02/22 02:36 PM
3

Not a hill to die on... You already died on a different hill.
/r/Divorce_Men24/02/22 03:42 PM
2

This is an interesting and complex problem. The incompatibility issues seem to have been there from the start, and your family pressure dynamic seems to have overshadowed the need to thoroughly understand the differences in your sexual expectations. You say that you both love and care for each other. This could be a positive thing to hold on to while you have frank conversations about your needs and encourage her to be honest with you about hers. This doesn't mean you'll come to some mutual unde…
/r/Divorce_Men24/02/22 03:39 PM
5

Wow... document it all. No idea what else to say about that.
/r/Divorce_Men17/02/22 05:21 PM
3

Like other responders, I'd say there are no easy answers. Some thoughts: The idea of "clean and amicable" is a nice idea, however unless she is aware of (and shares) your feelings about the relationship, your announcement is going kick off a firestorm. If you're still sad at the idea of hurting her then perhaps there is something left that should be said. If you initiate the divorce it's "you" who is impacting the kids. Never fool yourself into believing she will make any effort to mitigate the …
/r/Divorce_Men17/02/22 01:37 PM
3

Honesty in an age-appropriate way. My kids knew I was going to divorce her before I made the final decision. They were fully aware of the dynamic that was happening, and the ex event told my older kids what she did and with whom... Nothing like kicking their father while he was down. They were not surprised.
/r/Divorce_Men14/02/22 09:08 PM
3

Total compensation over 6 years will break 200K. Final number will depend on the value of the house. Small price to pay.
/r/Divorce_Men14/02/22 02:05 PM
3

There was a moment (several actually) when I was looking at her through the zoom call screen, during a marriage counseling session, and I was puzzled because I didn't recognize her at all. It seemed that I was looking at a stranger. I believe what I was seeing was the absence of the mask of my projections of who she was, and I was finally seeing her for who she is. Over time I've come to understand that she was always this person. So Rich's statement should reflect more of your own ability to se…
/r/Divorce_Men14/02/22 01:56 PM
2

Honestly, getting to a point where the memories of the former relationship are not full of anger, confusion, recriminations, or outright disdain seems like a long-shot to me. It isn't like the entire 20+ years of marriage was horrible, but the difficulty of learning about her betrayal, coupled with the many years of frustrations over her dwindling interest in me, added to the 20+ years of continuous, low-level annoyances has left me with very few "good" memories of our time together. What's hard…
/r/Divorce_Men09/02/22 01:32 PM
2

I recommend reading/listening to this book (Stop Caretaking the Borderline or Narcissist). This is not about the narcissist or borderline, it's about YOU. This will help you understand the how/why you ended up in the relationship outside of the "visible" reasons. Be prepared to look deeper at yourself. Good luck with the recovery. Like others have said it can take years, but if you're looking to recover there are paths to follow.
/r/Divorce_Men08/02/22 06:02 PM
2

I have five years to plan for that day... I think my first "big spend" is going to be a vacation to the places where my family originates in Europe. Just me on a learning/sightseeing trip.
/r/Divorce_Men08/02/22 05:46 PM
9

I think the consensus will be to keep this available for folks to find in their hour of need.
/r/Divorce_Men07/02/22 06:40 PM
2

I'm not sure of the dynamic where your mates can tell you there burdens but you feel like it's wrong for you to tell them of yours. I'm sensing there are some things you need to find out about yourself. I know the situation sucks and you'd rather not being going through it, but this could be/should be an important moment for personal growth. Keep making positive choices like walking and giving up smoking. Work on you.
/r/Divorce_Men07/02/22 02:21 PM
2

No one can walk through life unscathed by disappointments or hurts. There is no guarantee that bad things won't result from the "best things". So I think my advise to this seeker would be to accept that life is messy. I would suggest that the first responsibility we have is to ourselves. This means we need to know who we are. What we like or dislike. How much of anything we will tolerate. How far we are willing to compromise on anything. What makes us experience joy, or sadness. Understand why y…
/r/Divorce_Men04/02/22 01:43 PM
2

Find out everything you can about trauma bonding. Learn about the caretaker role in relationships. Get into therapy ASAP. Begin working on yourself. Trust me, once you start working on you, the rest will start to happen "on it's own". One step at a time.
/r/Divorce_Men03/02/22 02:01 PM
5

It seems you have the skills to be a private eye.... Good job on collecting the evidence.
/r/Divorce_Men03/02/22 01:37 PM
5

I'm curious if you both talked about early goals in marriage. It sounds like you'd like to get a good financial base in place early on. Did you talk about this before marrying her? If so, did she act like she was on board with the idea? Have you talked about this since getting married? Has she talked about having kids? Does she come from a "traditional" home where her mom was a SAHM?
/r/Divorce_Men03/02/22 01:27 PM
3

When she starts getting angry about the therapists taking sides then you know you're close to the final moment. My recommendation is to get your own therapist and see him/her just after your couples therapy session. You'll need someone to counterbalance what you hear in those other sessions.
/r/Divorce_Men02/02/22 02:28 PM
5

This is a good strategy.... Get to know your enemy (and at this point she is your enemy)
/r/Divorce_Men02/02/22 02:25 PM
2

Dude... this nearly broke me...
/r/Divorce_Men02/02/22 01:45 PM
2

3 daughters. 18, 15, 9 at the divorce. I didn't stay for them. I stayed because it took me that long to start believing I deserved more from her than I was getting. When I filed my oldest told me that she and her sisters knew that one day I would divorce their mom because they could see how frustrated and unhappy I was, even when I wasn't aware of it in myself. I believe that children would rather come FROM a broken home, than be IN a broken home. In my case, this is proven to be true. My life i…
/r/Divorce_Men02/02/22 01:44 PM
5

Revealed her emotional affair (with sexting) and then spend the next 8 months making everything my fault. In an argument she said, "I should just leave, I bet that's what you want anyway." I said, "Yes, that is what I want." She lost her shit and kept arguing while she packed her bag. I filed two months later. She fought with me to "save the marriage" but kept up the insults and belittling and the narcissistic rages, and the devaluing. Six months later the divorce was final.
/r/Divorce_Men01/02/22 04:29 PM
3

This is starting to sound like she might have a Schizoaffective Disorder (info). It doesn't mean she is a danger to anyone. As the earlier reply said, document everything. You need to be prepared to go back to court to change the custody arrangement if things start go further south. Is she under active support from therapists or phycologists? Is she aware of her own mental health and doing anything to get help? These kinds of actions would indicate she is trying to remain healthy (even if she do…
/r/Divorce_Men01/02/22 01:24 PM
2

If you have kids, leaving the house without some formal agreement means you're setting a precedent related to them, it doesn't do anything to marital estate (which includes the equity in the house). The estate is made up of all the gained value in any of your assets or, as in my case, all the debts created during the marriage. Start with the entire balance sheet and spit it down the middle. From there you can negotiate who ends up with what....
/r/Divorce_Men31/01/22 10:04 PM
3

Hey OP. Can I offer you this thought? "It's time." Time to give up the fight. It's time to think about self-discovery and healing for yourself. Don't wait anymore. It's time.
/r/Divorce_Men31/01/22 01:51 PM
5

One years since I filed. 9 month since divorce was final. I have a better relationship with my kids. I have money in the bank. I have a vision for the future. The regret of my life is that it took 22 years for me to find the strength to learn that I was worth more than being beaten down verbally and emotionally just to fund her insatiable need for validation and stuff. Learning about myself in the last two years has changed my entire life and I have no regrets about that.
/r/Divorce_Men31/01/22 01:25 PM
1

USAF? Brother. You have a rough road ahead. No sugar coating it. Just remember that you've already survived your worst days. It doesn't mean you don't have tougher ones in front of you, but you've already made it through to this point so keep on walking. That "deal" she asked you to sign is insane. Good on you for not buckling under the pressure. You seem to have the key components with you. Neighbors and friends who can vouch for your character; A witness to the cut on her head; good history wi…
/r/Divorce_Men31/01/22 01:20 PM
1

It's a fight of inches sometimes. Stay focused. Rely on others for support. Go for long drives to get some distance and distraction. Keep every single example of her stalking you. NEVER, EVER, EVER talk to her without a recorder running. Use text/email and save everything. You got this.
/r/Divorce_Men28/01/22 07:42 PM
2

Wisdom says don't do anything new financially until the divorce is final. Make absolutely certain she can't initiate new debt without your signature. The line in the sand is the date she told you she wants a divorce. That's the date where EVERYTHING changed and she no longer "deserves" your support. Don't even budge on the car idea. Not one inch. Tell her after the settlement she can take whatever cash she gets and buy herself a new car at that point. My thoughts at least.
/r/Divorce_Men28/01/22 04:36 PM
3

This isn't an "in sickness or in health thing". She NEEDS help, but you aren't her doctor or therapist. If she refuses to seek help or even see that she needs help then she is choosing herself over the relationship. No one should burn themselves at the stake for someone else's health.
/r/Divorce_Men27/01/22 03:56 PM
1

First, I'm sorry this is happening to you. It sucks like nothing else. Second, stay strong and get some good support from friends who care about you. Third, focus on protecting your child. Fourth, take time to care for yourself. Walk, bike, run, read. Anything that helps you remain you. Fifth, start to learn about yourself. Especially about what you weren't paying attention to in the beginning of the relationship. Sixth, keep on keepin' on. YOU can do this.
/r/Divorce_Men27/01/22 02:59 PM
1

Recently divorced in Alabama. I negotiated "alimony in total" which has me paid off in 6 years. My attorney argued with me to go to the judge because the agreement I negotiated with her was definitely not in my favor, however I KNOW that I got the better end of that agreement... I'm curious about this post... You're already planning on divorce?
/r/Divorce_Men26/01/22 03:21 PM
2

Does she know? Has there been any warnings from you to her or the other way around? There is a real "first principle" to remember. Whatever you do prior to divorce can set the precedent for the conditions a judge will agree to in the proceedings. For an example, if she is unstable but you agree she can have 50/50 custody, you will have a harder time arguing for her to have less, even if you try to use her instability as a reason. So consider the moves you make now and how they may affect your fu…
/r/Divorce_Men26/01/22 03:15 PM
1

Your daughter matters more than anything. Protect her.
/r/Divorce_Men22/01/22 11:41 AM
2

Yeah... I'm betting the majority of the comments on this will be that you might just be a jerk...
/r/Divorce_Men17/01/22 03:50 PM
1

I have to work hard to erase the negativity they've heard from their mom. The "ogre" dad who is too demanding. I've been able to show them that 30min chore sessions during the weekday and 1hr on the weekend is all that is ever really needed to maintain a good home. The rest of the day can be "fun". I'd like to have some good activities we can all enjoy together, but my own financial situation is not at a place where we can do much more than wander around the mall. (ugh).
/r/Divorce_Men15/01/22 03:32 PM
2

That's my first ever award! Thanks!!
/r/Divorce_Men15/01/22 03:22 PM
2

Compile a list of the marriage estate (assets and debts acquired since the marriage). Document it all to include value, balances on debt, payment amounts, etc. Make copies of the loan docs and balance statements, etc. Do not go to marriage counseling. Do not attempt to reconcile. Do not give her a chance to change (she can't). Do not negotiate with her for affection or love. Do go straight to the divorce court and file. Do split the marital estate equitably. Do start personal therapy. (The rest …
/r/Divorce_Men15/01/22 03:21 PM
2

Father of three daughters (19, 16, 10). My relationships with them are unique to each and generally match their personalities and needs. The most important function as a dad of daughters is to be there. You are a stable place that they know they can reach out to when they need it, but when they don't need it they tend to be happy to be in their own space. Since the separation and now in the divorce, the number of absolutely real interactions (meaning there was real depth to the interactions) has…
/r/Divorce_Men15/01/22 03:11 PM
1

The journey to self discovery and improvement is not easy. The only truth I can offer here is that is worth the effort, but it WILL absolutely change the current dynamic with your spouse. If she isn't on a similar growth path you will find the short-term road to be rocky. But you're in it for the long-haul.
/r/Divorce_Men14/01/22 02:40 PM
2

Brother. What is the story of your life? Why are you unhealthy to the point of allowing this woman to abuse you for so long? That's what is happening. You work 180+ hours in two weeks as a doctor and she complains about how hard SHE works? Then when you're off you work around the house for the two weeks? She may have been abused as child, but there is something in your formidable years that made you the kind of person who is ok with being walked on. Figure out what that is and you'll start the j…
/r/Divorce_Men13/01/22 03:35 PM
3

If she can’t afford a “good” place then you ask for full custody. Don’t let this woman continue to abuse your nature.
/r/Divorce_Men11/01/22 12:35 AM
1

Have you already filed? You need to take some power back in this situation. File now, let the court process timeline be the only driver on how long she stays in the home.
/r/Divorce_Men11/01/22 12:34 AM
1

How long do you think this situation will have to remain as it is? I feel for you man.
/r/Divorce_Men10/01/22 06:55 PM
3

DO NOT MOVE OUT! (Has this been said already????) Until there is an agreement you both have 1/2 responsibility for the house. That is all. Utilities are not assets. If you're not there, you're not paying... That's the deal she get's if you move out. Then you demand the house sold and the equity is split after expenses (including any repairs).
/r/Divorce_Men10/01/22 06:22 PM
2

Why do you have to sleep in the same bed? Not enough space? She should be sleeping somewhere other than with you. You are being abuse for HER sake not for your son's sake. She doesn't want to have her son think badly of her so she's demanding you pretend things are ok. It is NOT for your son.
/r/Divorce_Men10/01/22 06:18 PM
1

Only my sister… seriously. Not even my mother has ever said that to me. Forget about the ex…
/r/Divorce_Men06/01/22 12:00 AM
6

I didn’t suggest OP stay. I recommend that OP understand what it would take to stay so his decision to leave is informed and rational. It’s important that OP KNOWS why leaving is the right answer (which it will be).
/r/Divorce_Men05/01/22 06:07 PM
5

I agree with this. Neither of my therapists would take this leap, even the marriage therapist who had face-to-face interaction with her would definitively "diagnose". However, she did encourage my research into the topic after I brought it up. I recommend you get smart on NPD and BPD. Then get smart on what it takes to live in that kind of relationship for the long term. After that, your decision will be an informed one.
/r/Divorce_Men05/01/22 04:46 PM
1

Do what you KNOW is right with your money. She'll thank you for it in the end and claim it was her idea all along...
/r/Divorce_Men06/12/21 09:15 PM
8

Yep. Took me 21 years to figure out.
/r/Divorce_Men02/12/21 06:52 PM
28

I just finished reading "Chapterhouse Dune" this morning and Frank Hebert had included an acknowledgement to his wife who died in 1984, right before the publication of the book. That letter shows the benefit a woman CAN have in a man's life if he is blessed to find that woman. I don't know what kind of man I would become if I lost hope that a woman like that can grace my life as I move into the future. For now, my goal is to establish myself, recover financially, focus on my children as they gro…
/r/Divorce_Men02/12/21 04:03 PM
2

If you allow a precedent to be set before the divorce starts, the court will consider that as you agreeing to the established "norm". You need to continuously object to this by sending dated emails to her and your lawyer so you can show that you are not accepting this as status quo. IF you're not separated with a temporary custody agreement she can't deny you access to your child or keep you from interfacing with anyone on his behalf.
/r/Divorce_Men01/12/21 01:36 PM
2

I'm doing this right now. My kids therapist is concerned that their environment isn't changing, but the parenting style is shifting week over week. IOW, if the ex had a place they went to, they would know that at her place, her style (such as it is) would be how they would live. She feels that for the parenting style to shift weekly, while their environment remains the same can be difficult. My personal issue with the arrangement (which I setup for my kids sake) is that my ex's crap is still in …
/r/Divorce_Men01/12/21 01:31 PM
2

Yes. Absolutely.
/r/Divorce_Men01/12/21 01:13 PM
1

I used a lawyer for one purpose only. To put the weight of inevitability and the pressure of "the lawyer said it" into the process. My ex would have thrown everything at me to keep things going and the lawyer's gravitas helped keep the process on track. I would bet that a good lawyer is an absolute necessity for men with high conflict spouses.
/r/Divorce_Men01/12/21 01:12 PM
2

Yes. You having sex will be proof that her cheating isn’t that big of a deal to you. My lawyer told me flat out… no sex with her ever especially after having proof of cheating.
/r/Divorce_Men28/11/21 10:21 PM
2

She won’t learn how to communicate with you?!? Dude! It’s time.
/r/Divorce_Men27/11/21 01:10 AM
1

She is worried that your mom will start telling you to leave the marriage. She can’t control what you hear of your mom visits during the day.
/r/Divorce_Men27/11/21 01:08 AM
2

Turn off your emotions. Go into grey rock mode. Do not let her break your focus. Do not fall for her hysterics.
/r/Divorce_Men27/11/21 01:05 AM
1

Thank you for sharing. It gives hope
/r/Divorce_Men27/11/21 01:01 AM
12

Get yourself into therapy. Quick. Trust me, when you change the relationship will change. Just be ready for it to change in ways you don’t predict.
/r/Divorce_Men27/11/21 12:57 AM
2

So your girlfriend was manipulating you so you'd love her more? And you paid someone to spy on her? Uh... You might need to seek some advice from a therapist.
/r/Divorce_Men23/11/21 12:59 PM
1

Agree with this post. Do not engage in relations with her. If you do she can claim you were ok with it because you continued that aspect of the "relationship"... (Advice from my lawyer to me, which I heeded)...
/r/Divorce_Men23/11/21 12:58 PM
2

My sister lent me money. In the end the lawyer cost me $2600 which is clearly a LOT less than most have had to pay. In my case I did all of the stuff that I could do on my own like negotiate with the ex and get her to commit to the deal. The lawyer filed everything and advised me along the way. The lawyer also made me sign a waiver that said the deal I struck wasn't in my best interest and that if I went to court I would get a better deal, but I didn't have the money to pay for court time, so I …
/r/Divorce_Men19/11/21 07:59 PM
1

You are already the bad guy... In her mind you've been the bad guy since she "realized" that she doesn't really love you. Trust me, if she loved you, you would feel invigorated after spending time with her. You would not feel drained when you think about here. And, you would be happy that you get to support her with your livelihood. So... You're the bad guy. Get used to it. Since you're already the bad guy, filing for divorce won't change anything. So go be the bad guy. ​ (And learn about Covert…
/r/Divorce_Men19/11/21 01:54 PM
1

A very "legalese" reading would be that they are yours until 6pm on the 20th which is the first day they are "dismissed". I guarantee that is not how the ex is reading these words however.
/r/Divorce_Men15/11/21 02:25 PM
9

Been thinking about this myself. Not sure how I feel about it either.
/r/Divorce_Men14/11/21 02:07 AM
1

You weren’t a team. Gotta remember that.
/r/Divorce_Men09/11/21 02:17 AM
24

She is gaslighting you... trying to keep you off balance. She is working in the background to get everything she can and is using your emotions (you cried???) to keep you off her scent. If you're not playing for keeps right now then you've already sliding down the slope...
/r/Divorce_Men08/11/21 04:56 PM
11

22 years, 3 kids. It wasn't a "switch" that turned on during/after the divorce that causes her to treat you with disdain, it was always there and the "happy, cheerful, sexy, etc." woman that was your wife, is (and was) an act. She was always your enemy and you just didn't realize it.
/r/Divorce_Men03/11/21 01:03 PM
2

I did that for six months. She may go to therapy to delay while she prepares.
/r/Divorce_Men02/11/21 02:18 PM
2

Do they all read from the same script?
/r/Divorce_Men02/11/21 02:16 PM
3

File immediately... DON'T LEAVE THE HOUSE.
/r/Divorce_Men02/11/21 02:15 PM
1

WTF… This is your second?
/r/Divorce_Men30/10/21 11:34 AM
5

Classic. Mine did the same. Had me convinced I was one until my therapists corrected my perspective. Projection is a trait of the narcissistic. In this case she may suspect she is one, but can’t admit it to herself so she put it on you.
/r/Divorce_Men26/10/21 12:33 AM
5

This is my story. I’ve wondered if I should tell it. It feels like doing so would help close the chapter.
/r/Divorce_Men22/10/21 12:46 AM
2

Only a tax attorney can give the RIGHT advice here. You should have this looked at by one first and then have that attorney talk with your divorce lawyer.
/r/Divorce_Men21/10/21 07:16 PM
2

You need to have your attorney look at the share agreement to see what limitation (if any) are placed on the stock transfer. You may end up having no choice but to pay her out the current value of the vested shares. I worked for a startup as one of the founders and we limited the ability of the principle members to sell/transfer stock on purpose.
/r/Divorce_Men21/10/21 01:06 PM
3

You can go to therapy for yourself. It’s probably more important than marriage therapy will ever be.
/r/Divorce_Men10/10/21 05:07 PM
3

Get a therapist right away. Regardless of what path you take you're going to need someone who can help you learn from the experience and incorporate that knowledge into your life. Learn about boundaries. If you can successfully incorporate boundaries into your relationship there is a chance. Honestly this is a very, very small chance, but that's something you have to decide and attempt after you understand the implications. Watch Dr. Ramani on YouTube (https://www.youtube.com/c/DoctorRamani)
/r/Divorce_Men07/10/21 02:48 PM
9

One day at a time... Next time you see her you won't even recognize her. It's the strangest thing.
/r/Divorce_Men06/10/21 07:02 PM
2

I'd say things are on the glide slope already. Everyone else's advice is sound. Don't say anything. Start preparing. Expect the situation to begin getting worse.
/r/Divorce_Men06/10/21 06:59 PM
1

I saw that she is going to therapy. I suggest you do the same. Focus on growing your ability to say your truth to her and letting her reaction to that be her own. If you don't get strong enough to be honest about your needs and feelings then your next relationship (good bet there will be one) will end up in similar territory. Research the "Caretaker" role in relationship and figure out if that is you. A good source is the following book: "Stop Caretaking the Borderline or Narcissist" By: Margali…
/r/Divorce_Men05/10/21 07:06 PM
5

Brother. Learn everything you can about Narcissist and Borderline personality disorders (NPD/BPD). https://www.youtube.com/c/DoctorRamani https://www.youtube.com/c/SurvivingNarcissism Also learn about trauma bonding and how your childhood trauma affects your life today (esp relationships). https://www.youtube.com/c/TraumaFreeNation https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UUOy5SQF3CE You need to get this stuff deep into your brain so you can recognize the underlying reality of what you're dealing with. A…
/r/Divorce_Men04/10/21 12:51 PM
1

If intellectual stimulation is that important to you perhaps a lifestyle change into something with that level of rigor is a better option that attempting to date. Most articles on post-divorce will tell you to wait at least a year. A plurality will tell you to get into therapy and start working out. You have a LOT to figure out, especially with a toddler to co-parent. I'd suggest taking the early stages slow. Hang out with the friends you have now and look for options to add more. Don't shut ou…
/r/Divorce_Men04/10/21 12:39 PM
1

Insist on emails or texts message and keep everything…everything
/r/Divorce_Men02/10/21 09:28 AM
3

The story that my ex told me is full of holes and the little hints that she dropped in our conversations shortly after the "big reveal" left me with the sense that she had only feed me the amount of truth that suited her. Since deciding to divorce her I was (and am) prepared for her to pull out the other truths when it suites her, but I am able to say that it will mean nothing to me. I am in therapy and have my support system around me. I am more than her deranged opinion of me and her behavior …
/r/Divorce_Men27/09/21 12:38 PM
1

Simple advise. Anything you think is smart to do is probably not. Slow down and think. Talk to a good friend who's wisdom you trust. Get an attorney and listen to what they say. Do not have any interactions with her on any topic other than your child.
/r/Divorce_Men24/09/21 03:57 PM
2

Lookup Dr Ramani on YouTube. Start watching everything she posts.
/r/Divorce_Men23/09/21 12:27 AM
4

You really miss who you thought she was before you found out the truth…
/r/Divorce_Men21/09/21 12:35 AM
3

That's some f'd up sh*t.... Divorced three years and she can still get you kicked out of YOUR house? There is no justice.
/r/Divorce_Men31/08/21 05:50 PM
1

u/MartyMcFly7 This is my story as well. In my case my ex wouldn't even tell me her needs, only kept saying "my needs aren't enough to divorce over..." Wow.
/r/Divorce_Men31/08/21 04:36 PM
1

Did this happen to you? Did you suspect your wife was capable of the shit she did, before she did it? Never in a million years.... until it happened.
/r/Divorce_Men26/08/21 04:15 PM
1

She is provoking you. She is trying to get evidence of you being abusive by provoking you and then recording you. Don’t give her that. I agree with this.
/r/Divorce_Men26/08/21 04:14 PM
2

Dude... this hits me in the feels...
/r/Divorce_Men26/08/21 04:07 PM
0

Go to counseling brother. Find out why you're ok with someone abusing you. It's not healthy.
/r/Divorce_Men24/08/21 05:35 PM
1

Obviously only you can decide what is important to you. You can only control your behavior and reactions. You cannot make her (or anyone) do anything beyond what they are willing to do for you. Decide what you need from her. Tell her in no uncertain terms and be clear that they are the unbreakable needs that you have and that she is the only person (right now) who can fulfill them. Let her decide if she wants to give them to you. If she belittles your needs; if she "agrees" but with limitations;…
/r/Divorce_Men24/08/21 04:50 PM
2

18,15,9
/r/Divorce_Men07/08/21 09:07 AM
2

Holy crap… it’s like ready texts and emails from my ex. Wow. Dude, you’ve got to stop feeding her supply. She’s getting attention from you in all this back and forth.
/r/Divorce_Men06/08/21 05:04 PM
5

My counselors told me over and over that kids would rather be from a broken home than live in one. Since the start of the divorce until now I’d say that has turned into a truism. I am balanced and emotionally stable which makes me a better dad for them, even though I only get them 50/50. They also see the juxtaposition between me and her much more clearly and it gives me a chance to talk with them about how to avoid the mistakes I made with my relationship with the ex.
/r/Divorce_Men06/08/21 04:55 PM
1

Who is initiating the divorce? Why would you pay for her attorney? If you pay then her attorney works for you, not her. If she doesn’t have income to pay for an attorney then suggest a negotiated settlement. She gets 1/2 of the marital assets. 4.5 years should not equate to any continued support regardless of how much you earn or can save. Is she capable of working? Does she have any work history? Do you have kids? By the way. Get an attorney before you do anything.
/r/Divorce_Men06/08/21 04:02 PM
5

She got a new guy to walk the dog for her! Ugh dude. Hope the pup is ok.
/r/Divorce_Men26/07/21 06:57 PM
11

My ex would have comments similar to that... Except a little different.... "Why can't I have a pool?" "If you made better financial decisions we could get a loan to put up a glassed in porch..." Good times... Good times...
/r/Divorce_Men26/07/21 06:55 PM
3

A competent therapist will never tell a Narc that they are... They'll deal with them on the symptoms of their condition. If she's using the narcissist language with you it's part of gaslighting you to convince you this is your fault. You are the victim. Unless you cheated on her or abused her, you shouldn't carry any thought that somehow you deserve this from her.
/r/Divorce_Men26/07/21 06:38 PM
3

Don't tip your hand. Also, find out about narcissistic abuse.
/r/Divorce_Men26/07/21 05:34 PM
1

Nerd!!
/r/Divorce_Men24/07/21 12:10 AM
1

Don't give in to her "I just don't understand your reasons" crap. It's just there to twist your mind to questioning your intent and wearing down your resolve.
/r/Divorce_Men14/07/21 05:56 PM
1

This is great advice. I went through my divorce which started in Jan 2021 and finished in May 2021. I attribute a lot of the "ease" and the speed of the divorce to the fact that I went into a fully realized "grey rock" mode with her which kept her off balance to a significant degree. Of course, the drama continues even now with the post-divorce emails, but I get to choose what I'll respond to and how. It's all about the kids at this point. Anything else is my choice.
/r/Divorce_Men12/07/21 05:30 PM
1

Hello Fresh. Seriously. Easy to cook and priced very effectively. Like others have said, develop a routine. Stick to it. Eventually he will adapt to that and then your job is easier. Figure out how to have fun without becoming the "fun parent"... IOW, don't overcompensate to try to make him love you. You can do this!
/r/Divorce_Men11/07/21 07:11 PM
1

Have you considered personal therapy? It sounds like there are some underlying issues you need to think about in yourself that may be standing in the way of a relationship. Have you genuinely expressed your needs to her? What about her health, have you expressed your concerns to her? Have you attempted to find common interests? Based on your post I would say you're thinking of divorce too early and you should be working with your wife to see if some of these issues can be addressed. If I could h…
/r/Divorce_Men07/07/21 10:03 PM
1

Run… Don’t walk.
/r/Divorce_Men30/06/21 09:12 AM
2

Listen to this book: Listen to Stop Caretaking the Borderline or Narcissist by Margalis Fjelstad on Audible. https://www.audible.com/pd?asin=B01GUBMRFI&source_code=ASSORAP0511160006
/r/Divorce_Men26/06/21 10:30 AM
1

Don’t let it go any further… it’s worse when you get to 46 so put your daughters future on a better path. It’s one moment at a time.
/r/Divorce_Men24/06/21 06:08 PM
3

Get a lawyer. NOW. Pay then the 100$ first consultant fee and tell them everything. Get it on record. Record your arguments and discussions. I used an app on my apple watch so she wouldn't wonder why my phone was always around. ​ What gave me courage was the idea that my daughters (I have three) were continuously learning how to get what they want from a man by watching their mom manipulate and abuse me emotionally. Eventually I cared more about their future success in relationships than I cared…
/r/Divorce_Men23/06/21 09:10 PM
3

My ex has repeatedly stated in emails that she has no intention of co-parenting. At this point we're more in the parallel parenting model and frankly it isn't that much different then when we were married. We have radically different approached to parenting and being divorced means I no longer have to have any heartburn over her choices.
/r/Divorce_Men22/06/21 06:39 PM
1

I have at least three diagnoses per my ex…
/r/Divorce_Men18/06/21 07:19 PM
3

My marriage therapist/counselor was a female and she was NOT on my ex’s side. Her neutrality infuriated my ex as the ex interpreted it as the counselor being on my side. A good therapist can see through the crap pretty quickly and being female doesn’t make them a natural ally. Don’t bring up personality issues. You shouldn’t label someone yourself because you’ll start treating them differently. In my case the marriage therapist pointedly told me to research BPD after observing the continued brea…
/r/Divorce_Men18/06/21 06:59 PM
1

Honestly guy, I'm hearing a lot of things that resonate, but then I'm hearing a lot that troubles me. Have you decided to have personal counseling for a while? It seems that you might get a perspective on your own stuff (Item 5 and 6 for example) which could reveal some areas where you can grow and gain new insight? The idea that you work all day and she still wants you to do housework is a red flag. But perhaps this can be resolved if there were some martial counseling. I recognize that you're …
/r/Divorce_Men16/06/21 08:26 PM
2

The quit claim releases any further claim to the house after she signs it. She shouldn't sign it before she has the money. I wouldn't suggest putting the exact amount. The language in my agreement is 50% of the total equity (minus refi costs) in the house based on an appraisal.
/r/Divorce_Men14/06/21 09:45 PM
6

Yes, refinance. Have her fill out a quit claim deed once the refi is done. https://www.deeds.com/quit-claim-deed/ You should talk to your county revenue department for other info on this matter.
/r/Divorce_Men14/06/21 07:18 PM
6

Record every conversation. Tell her up-front you're doing so. It might keep the crazy down to some degree.
/r/Divorce_Men14/06/21 07:15 PM
2

You put my thoughts into words. I was trying to explain it to someone the other day and all I could say was, "She doesn't look like the same person I married. She appears to be a complete stranger." Now, the fact that she's my children's mother makes it really wierd.
/r/Divorce_Men01/06/21 06:40 PM
5

Ex cheated. Didn't take responsibility. I initiated divorce and she spent the entire time blaming me for the divorce. 100% my fault. Our marriage counselor told me that no matter what I did I would be the bad guy so I might as well go ahead and be true to my own feelings on the matter. In the end my decision was made after about 8 months of marriage therapy and it was solidified after she confirmed her intent to not make changes that I was asking for in the therapy sessions. Thankfully the entir…
/r/Divorce_Men31/05/21 06:48 PM
1

Good post. I am just starting the journey and reading where you are in yours reminds me I have a long, long road ahead.
/r/Divorce_Men30/05/21 12:04 AM
2

This is true. I just had my 9 year old tell me yesterday that she couldn’t wait to move into a smaller home when it’s just the two of us. No sentimental attachment to my current home.
/r/Divorce_Men18/05/21 09:32 PM
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