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derelictherds Archive

View 1 posts and 741 comments by derelictherds on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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1

Who's the bush league lawyer here? Run for the hills!
/r/Divorce_Men17/05/23 06:55 PM
1

The difference in income alone makes hiring a lawyer worth it. You're probably on the hook for alimony. I'd schedule some time with a lawyer (alone and covertly) to find out what you're up against and options for eliminating/mitigating future alimony risk. You might consider suggesting to your stbx that you both use the same lawyer to file the divorce, double-check documentation, etc., but you gotta be super careful with the approach here because IMO trust is very fragile during this phase of di…
/r/Divorce_Men17/05/23 06:41 PM
1

Your lawyer sounds a lot like my first one. The bastard couldn't even be bothered to find/replace a different client's name in the copypasta settlement draft. Long story short, I found a better lawyer and worked with her to draft a fair settlement offer then scheduled a court date.
/r/Divorce_Men17/05/23 02:34 PM
3

My ex knows it was me because I told her it was me a couple of years after everything went down. Told her with a smile on my face. Shit eating grin even. This all took place a few years ago and it's important to note that my ex is an objectively awful person. She nearly ruined me and abandoned my children. My point is that petty revenge was warranted. Long story short, the email to OBS landed about as well as it could've. The ex's AP was kicked to the curb by OBS, they eventually divorced, and m…
/r/Divorce_Men17/05/23 12:49 AM
1

The legal risk was actually quite low. You seem to be making a lot of assumptions. It's not difficult to send an email in such a way that complicates tracking back to sender. Not impossible, but certainly not very easy or even easy.
/r/Divorce_Men16/05/23 10:11 PM
1

I sent evidence(Instagram chat history, photos) and a note via burner email account that could not be easily linked to me.
/r/Divorce_Men16/05/23 07:23 PM
5

Many of us have been there and it sucks. It's impossible to reason with an unreasonable person. Stay focused on getting the divorce completed and keep the emotions close to the vest.
/r/Divorce_Men16/05/23 07:11 PM
2

"I don't want to talk about it"
/r/Divorce_Men15/05/23 10:16 PM
2

Eh how long were you dating this person? If it was short-term and there had been no conversation about exclusivity, then she sounds a bit goofy and you probably dodged a bullet.
/r/Divorce_Men10/05/23 04:02 PM
1

Yes, family law varies from state to state. Schedule some time with a divorce lawyer in your jurisdiction to go over your options. Might be the best $300-$400 you ever spend. If you do decide to go with a prenup, then be sure you understand what it does/does not protect and do not attempt to DIY.
/r/Divorce_Men10/05/23 03:52 PM
1

What's the official custody arrangement now per court order?
/r/Divorce_Men09/05/23 10:04 PM
6

Nice looking out for your friend and it seems you're offering him some great advice. It's rarely a good idea to move out before divorcing when children are involved. As for the attorney, it's possible to hire a lawyer to handle the divorce as you described, but technically this lawyer would not be representing both of them(conflict of interest). In other words, your buddy should be the one to hire the lawyer. He can spin this to his wife however he wants, but at the end of the day it should be h…
/r/Divorce_Men08/05/23 04:51 PM
1

Is legal separation an option? I divorced in a state that required an 18 month wait and was able to formalized support payments, etc via legal separation. I made all payments through the state clearinghouse
/r/Divorce_Men05/05/23 05:41 PM
2

Sounds like your wife is calling all the shots and holding all the cards to me. As for allowing access to your apartment, there's no way in hell I'd let my ex into my home/apartment.
/r/Divorce_Men05/05/23 04:56 PM
1

Get her to waive alimony in writing and have it blessed by your attorney and the court. Let her live there for a bit then sell the house :D
/r/Divorce_Men03/05/23 08:11 PM
2

Who cares?
/r/Divorce_Men03/05/23 07:49 PM
1

She is either being reasonable or she understands how to game the system. Just know that she can request(and most likely receive) child support at any point after the divorce. As for the lawyer comment, I wasn't necessarily calling you out but rather trying to get a better understanding of the situation. I do however believe it would be smart to at least spend an hour or so (covertly) speaking with a lawyer before signing or agreeing to anything. If your stbx lawyers up, then you should do the s…
/r/Divorce_Men02/05/23 08:58 PM
2

What do you think your kids want to do? Would postponing a day or two completely wreck your schedule? Not trying to convince you one way or the other... just some questions I'd ask myself given a similar scenario. I don't think it would be unreasonable to ask for something in exchange for giving up the extra days. I would never prevent my children from attending a family event just for the sake of pettiness. Fall back on the agreement when all else fails. That's kinda the point of having one to …
/r/Divorce_Men02/05/23 07:15 PM
2

How do I make sure she's true to her word before we go to court In short, you can't. You can both agree to it and a judge might even approve it during the divorce process. There's really nothing you can do to prevent her from seeking child support at a later date. It's a hope for the best, plan for the worst kind of deal. Goes without saying that "no child support" isn't a good bargaining chip for you in this scenario. Curious - Do you have a lawyer? Are you certain that you're even on the hook …
/r/Divorce_Men02/05/23 06:42 PM
1

You basically summed up the challenges that we all face in today's dating world. If the goal is long-term relationship then you just gotta keep trying. There is no magic solution. Your comment on successful career minded women is a bit of a head scratcher, but to each his own.
/r/Divorce_Men02/05/23 06:26 PM
1

If you're the breadwinner, then remove her access to funding and eliminate as many material comforts and accommodations as possible. Be sure to loop in your lawyer before doing.
/r/Divorce_Men02/05/23 06:16 PM
6

I'm not interested in "changing your mind", but will share an opinion. Marriage counseling can only work when both parties actually want to work on the relationship. Timing is also important. If your marriage is already on its last leg and either party has already checked out, then no amount of therapy will save the relationship. There's nothing left to save at that point.
/r/Divorce_Men02/05/23 06:06 PM
-2

Saved? lol I think you meant to say indoctrinated. Have fun ruining this sub too.
/r/Divorce_Men02/05/23 02:39 PM
0

Here's a thought... stop dating women if you do not like them. Get a hobby. Touch some grass.
/r/Divorce_Men02/05/23 02:11 PM
2

I do not wish to offend, but why on earth would you choose to go back to that life? I'd rather live and die alone than to suffer the things you've described. Edit: I'm sorry you had to experience such a horrible marriage/person. Take it easy on yourself. Focus on you and and your children.
/r/Divorce_Men27/04/23 08:12 PM
1

Why did you divorce to begin with?
/r/Divorce_Men27/04/23 07:20 PM
4

This line of thinking may be temporarily beneficial to someone going through divorce or recently divorced, but IMO offers no real long term value. It's simply not reflective of reality. The long term goal should be indifference towards rather than keeping up with and competing with an ex.
/r/Divorce_Men26/04/23 05:43 PM
2

I believe it's normal to feel this way when experiencing the heart ache of a long-term relationship or marriage ending.
/r/Divorce_Men24/04/23 06:51 PM
2

Handle in what way? Is there anything in particular you would like to know? As for the experience, The first year or so after my ex moved was hellish for my kids(especially my youngest) because they were always very close to their mother. It will have a permanent effect on them. My suggestion for any parent dealing with this is to get their kids into therapy ASAP.
/r/Divorce_Men24/04/23 12:02 AM
8

Tell her. The decision to date a married man should be hers.
/r/Divorce_Men22/04/23 05:39 PM
7

IMO it's not worth wasting cycles trying to understand why people do this. My ex has hinted at reconnecting a few times, but I do not believe she has ever seriously considered it. I believe this is just another way for her to attempt to extract more money and/or other resources from me.
/r/Divorce_Men20/04/23 03:51 PM
1

This isn't unusual. Keep in mind that your stbx is experiencing similar emotions. Your best bet is to remain calm, keep your emotions in check, and hope for the best while planning for the worst. Keep the "planning for the worst" part between you and your attorney.
/r/Divorce_Men19/04/23 06:14 PM
6

You'll drive yourself mad trying to understand this behaviour(been there). My ex is chummy when she wants something from me or to support the narrative that our marriage ended on good terms and we're still close friends. Nothing could be farther from the truth of course. Tell your stbx that she's not invited to the ice cream party. Set boundaries and stick to them. You don't have to be confrontational to do this. Just tell her you're still processing everything and need time to heal. Edit: typos
/r/Divorce_Men19/04/23 03:49 PM
1

I'm sorry for your losses :( All of the things you mentioned could certainly cause or exacerbate the issue you've described. My marriage ended abruptly like yours and as much as I wanted to move forward with life, it took a lot of time to truly get over her. I had similar issues the first couple of times I attempted to have sex. Also, might be worth considering having testosterone levels checked.
/r/Divorce_Men18/04/23 05:07 PM
3

Yes and I have been dealing with for a few years. I've learned to choose my battles. It gets easier with time.
/r/Divorce_Men18/04/23 04:55 PM
1

This is possibly a mental thing that will improve with time and once you've fully processed the long marriage and divorce. How were things with your junk prior to separating? Did you still have feelings for your ex when the marriage ended?
/r/Divorce_Men18/04/23 04:46 PM
1

This is terrible advice that could lead to additional legal problems for OP... and criminal ones at that. And for what purpose?
/r/Divorce_Men18/04/23 04:34 PM
2

Yes and no. I've been active on this sub for a bit, but the women's version not so much. A "not divorced" person typically does not mean the same thing as a "never been married" person. Wording was awkward and I simply asked for clarification. What is your point?
/r/Divorce_Men17/04/23 11:33 PM
1

So?
/r/Divorce_Men17/04/23 04:09 PM
2

What does this have to do with men going through divorce?
/r/Divorce_Men17/04/23 03:58 PM
1

Double standard? According to who?
/r/Divorce_Men17/04/23 03:51 PM
1

IMO there is no magic playbook for this type of thing other than a bit of common sense, trial & error, and persistence. I've had good luck finding fwb on Tinder and primarily with women that are "almost 30" to early 30s and neither have or want to have children.
/r/Divorce_Men17/04/23 02:18 AM
-1

So you sleep with married women?
/r/Divorce_Men17/04/23 01:31 AM
5

You should be upfront about your situation and let her decide. Some people don't want to date married people. The fact that you're even questioning being truthful should tell you something. I don't know the details of your divorce, but it's generally advisable to keep your dick in your pants until the divorce is final.
/r/Divorce_Men16/04/23 12:17 AM
1

I will never understand why she wants to give all this up. You might not ever truly know her reasons for ending the marriage. The sooner you accept this, the better. That said, closure is still attainable but will come from within given time and distance from the divorce. I was in your shoes a few years ago and this is something I'd hear often and thought it was just something people said to make me feel better. There's actually some truth to it. The important thing now is to keep the emotions i…
/r/Divorce_Men16/04/23 12:03 AM
-10

Doubt this ends the way he thinks it will. Also, he's a shit stain if the allegations are true.
/r/Divorce_Men15/04/23 12:05 AM
1

If you were my son, I'd tell you that a relationship is the least of your worries and that one probably wouldn't last until the rest of your life is in order. Except the language I'd use with my son would be more colourful and possibly threatening.
/r/Divorce_Men14/04/23 08:55 PM
-1

Wow that's one hell of a leap based on the limited info provided by OP. Chores did not tank OP's relationship. The relationship expired long before OP started working the honey-do list. Bottom line is one cannot force or convince another to love them. No dog shit explanation required.
/r/Divorce_Men14/04/23 08:05 PM
2

Your divorce case appears to be cut and dried and you seem to have a lot of things working in your favour compared to most here. The only negative mentioned in your original post is that you're nervous about being single. Take the time to process your marriage/divorce and enjoy your life.
/r/Divorce_Men13/04/23 09:56 PM
2

I'd rather die alone than to be obliged to a worthless person. IMO first step is to divorce. A live-in relationship might not be a bad option, but do not make this your life's mission. The "adopt a child" option leaves me scratching my head. Do you view this as a remedy for loneliness? Terrible idea if so. Maybe consider adopting a pet instead (assuming you've done the research and understand the commitment ). Other than that, embrace your freedom and enjoy the rest of your life. Live a big, cra…
/r/Divorce_Men12/04/23 07:51 PM
1

IMO the answer is right in front of you (renting privately is expensive). Healing will not be possible until you part ways. Question is why are you sticking around?
/r/Divorce_Men12/04/23 03:42 PM
1

You do all of those things listed above. In 1 year your sexual market value will be significantly higher. Red pill indoctrination is not required. Everything else you recommend is common sense (i.e. make yourself more attractive and you will attract more women).
/r/Divorce_Men12/04/23 03:25 PM
2

How do you guys deal with the fact your ex-wives could pick anyone up in a week, but it might take you YEARS (or never)? I don't have to deal with this because it's not reality. At least not for me. I also have no snake oil to sell you. This self defeating thoughts will get you nowhere in life.
/r/Divorce_Men12/04/23 03:15 PM
2

You must be new to this
/r/Divorce_Men12/04/23 03:01 PM
1

You could at least start planning for a possible divorce while attempting sort out the marriage. Go ahead and start shopping lawyers and maybe book a couple of hours(in secret) to get a better read on the situation and possible outcome(s). I wish I'd done this the first time my ex threatened divorce.
/r/Divorce_Men10/04/23 09:45 PM
2

I know it's tough, but your current living situation (in-home separation) is a temporary one. You cannot control what comes out of her mouth, but you can control your own words and actions. "Ok, you might be right" - I said this words often to my (then) wife during divorce and while living under the same roof with her. This would usually shut down her bullshit. The key is to come across as being passive. Ignore everything else and don't let her know if/when she's getting to you. Also, start plan…
/r/Divorce_Men10/04/23 07:28 PM
3

Hire a lawyer and file now. Minimize conflict by not engaging with her.
/r/Divorce_Men10/04/23 06:49 PM
3

IMO a focused and persistent long-term campaign is more effective and yields better results.
/r/Divorce_Men08/04/23 10:16 PM
3

Very nice! I'm jealous! I have roots in Stavanger Rogaland and currently living in the US. My situation with divorce, custody, etc wasn't much different than yours a few years ago. These things nearly ended me. There is always reason to dig in and fight through darker times. You'll resurface a stronger & wiser human at the other end it. What age(s) are your children, if you don't mind me asking?
/r/Divorce_Men07/04/23 09:32 PM
10

I'm in no way attempting to downplay your pain, but please take a hard look around you. You're in one of the most beautiful countries on the planet with your children by your side. Try putting everything else aside and enjoy this moment with them. They need you man. Where in Norway are you staying btw? Jeg elsker Norge! I'm more than happy to chat if you want.
/r/Divorce_Men07/04/23 08:10 PM
2

IMO there's absolutely nothing wrong with taking control of the situation and especially so considering the special needs of your child. I'm the father of a teenage daughter and have always taken a heavy handed approach when it comes to dealing with the flavor of the month boyfriend/wanna be step-parent and couldn't care less how my ex chooses to frame this.
/r/Divorce_Men07/04/23 06:38 PM
2

The chances of you gaining full custody are slim to none based on details you've shared here.
/r/Divorce_Men07/04/23 04:27 PM
1

Do I pretend like it didn't happen and make a plan to leave while I pretend nothing happened? Yes, business as usual at least until she has been served.
/r/Divorce_Men07/04/23 04:19 PM
2

He hasn't changed and there would be no moving past the cheating if he won't even fess up to it.
/r/Divorce_Men07/04/23 01:09 AM
0

Ok, that's not what I asked. Best of luck to you, sir.
/r/Divorce_Men06/04/23 09:19 PM
2

How involved has your wife been with the kids during the past ~7 months/since relocating?
/r/Divorce_Men06/04/23 09:07 PM
1

What's the rest of the story here?
/r/Divorce_Men06/04/23 04:37 PM
1

Apologies if this has already been answered, but how did you come up with those numbers(3k-5k per mo)?
/r/Divorce_Men06/04/23 04:09 PM
1

RemindMe! 1 Day
/r/Divorce_Men05/04/23 09:24 PM
1

Neat
/r/Divorce_Men05/04/23 08:06 PM
3

It depends. You'll likely end up with half the debt. I got stuck with over $30k of CC debt that i did not know existed until the divorce process started. This was in addition to known CC debt. I was married to a SAHM for 16 years. Don't be me.
/r/Divorce_Men04/04/23 07:15 PM
1

Still not following. Married men won't hang out with you because women? My experience has been different than yours. Some of my friends are married. A couple of them very close friends. I also consider their wives as friends. They're not always available to do things on a random Saturday afternoon because of other obligations. This is not because their wives won't allow it. They just have their priorities in order. I was no different while married. Why is having married friends so important to y…
/r/Divorce_Men04/04/23 06:54 PM
4

Long story short, my ex cheated and moved several hours away to be with the guy from the affair. She lost custody in the process.
/r/Divorce_Men04/04/23 06:11 PM
2

Not sure I'm following. What is your point exactly? Have you considered that married people are busy with family, career, etc?
/r/Divorce_Men04/04/23 06:00 PM
1

Stop living together. Seriously. Cohabiting with a stbx is hellish enough... but with an ex? Hell no man. Who's legally responsible for the medical debt? There is no "we" in this situation. Move in with friends or family if you have to.
/r/Divorce_Men03/04/23 06:50 PM
3

Other men out there that felt like this, how did you move past it? By not dating until I was mentally ready for dating. Clean up your existing mess before making a new one.
/r/Divorce_Men03/04/23 04:44 PM
0

You could always move to a country that follows a very strict version of Sharia law.
/r/Divorce_Men02/04/23 11:16 PM
3

I wouldn't move out before the divorce is final
/r/Divorce_Men02/04/23 09:32 PM
1

Why on earth would you DIY this with 2-3 million worth of assets on the line? Seems foolish to me. I don't understand why legal separation is a better option than divorce here. What am I missing? What are you hoping to accomplish? Legal separation (in my experience) can work as you described, but typically divorce is the more straight forward and potentially cost-effective path. It was a good option for me because the state in which I divorced requires an 18 month waiting period for no-fault div…
/r/Divorce_Men01/04/23 08:59 PM
1

I agree that the issues you listed are valid reasons to avoid marriage & having children. Claiming there's a universal law dictating this behaviours is where you've lost me. Also, you appear to be confusing empirical with anecdotal. Briffault's Law is a sociological theory and not accepted scientific theory like the laws of physics. Its application to human behaviour would be difficult to test empirically and I do not believe a record of any such research exists. I'll gladly concede if you can s…
/r/Divorce_Men30/03/23 11:04 PM
2

There's nothing cold about this IMO. I apply similar filters to friends and family too.
/r/Divorce_Men30/03/23 04:52 PM
1

Willful ignorance and dishonesty offend my sensibilities.
/r/Divorce_Men30/03/23 04:24 PM
1

What do you really hope to gain from it other than (unnecessary) expense and conflict? This is not to suggest that you roll over, but there's rarely any benefit to at-fault divorce (obviously some exceptions depending where you live). If you want to rid yourself of her nonsense ASAP, then just go with a no-fault divorce. People like your stbx will get what they have coming to them and this is usually in the form of an unfulfilling, miserable existence. You might not ever witness this directly, b…
/r/Divorce_Men29/03/23 07:14 PM
0

Briffault's Law is junk science that the red pill community embellishes and uses as evidence to support misguided beliefs/world views/theories. There are plenty of practical reasons to avoid marriage & having children. No pseudoscientific nonsense required.
/r/Divorce_Men29/03/23 06:38 PM
1

What do you mean by "positive co-parenting"? Just curious because some folks seem to have the idea that one should bend over backwards to keep their ex happy. Some even think this means one is required to front as a family by celebrating birthdays, holidays, vacationing, etc together. While this might be possible for some people, I do not believe it's very common. To me a positive co-parenting relationship just means you're able to have civil conversation about the big things in your child/child…
/r/Divorce_Men27/03/23 07:31 PM
1

Please contact a lawyer before you sign anything! These things should've been addressed in the custody agreement. Mine includes language that locks the kids to the school district where I reside and prohibits my ex (and me) from having romantic partners stay overnight when the kids are present. I've leveraged both of these things over the past 4+ years with pretty good results. Once to prevent my ex from taking the kids when she moved out of state and more recently had the ex held in contempt fo…
/r/Divorce_Men27/03/23 07:11 PM
2

I don't think questionable mental health as an argument for 50/50 makes sense. Is she crazy only 50% of the time? Quick thought experiment... If your wife suddenly vanished, what would you do?
/r/Divorce_Men27/03/23 01:10 AM
2

I suppose the timer she is referring to could have something to do with the filing date, waiting period, and overall timeline for completing a divorce. Just a guess though. My legal separation was a divorce in almost every way except for I was still legally married until the actual divorce was finalized. So custody, property, support, etc were all worked out as a part of the separation agreement. The ex and I also agreed (in writing, as a part of the separation agreement) to use said agreement i…
/r/Divorce_Men24/03/23 05:56 PM
9

This might sound crazy, but there's really nothing unusual about your situation. It's not uncommon for people to be unreasonable during divorce. Hell your lawyer is probably banking on a long & drawn out negotiation process and that's where things are headed if you allow it. Make a fair counter-offer and instruct your lawyer to set a court date. You'd be wise to prepare for court, but there's a very good chance she'll come to her senses and settle before then.
/r/Divorce_Men22/03/23 10:06 PM
1

she’s not asking for any child support or alimony and also does not have a job If something sounds too good to be true, it probably is. There's nothing stopping her from requesting and receiving child support after you've signed custody over to her. If you care at all about being a dad(and not getting steam rolled by divorce), then hire a damn lawyer and fight for it now. You probably won't get a do-over.
/r/Divorce_Men22/03/23 09:51 PM
8

So? It does not matter what your wife wants or thinks she is entitled to. Your situation is no different than that of most divorced men. I don't mean to devalue the hell you're in right now (it's hard af... no doubt about it), but you have to understand that many if not most divorces have many of the same qualities you have described in your posts. Again, lawyer up NOW and get your ducks in a row and file. Your lawyer should also be able to help you navigate the living situation, etc.
/r/Divorce_Men21/03/23 06:15 PM
3

If I fight this then it probably gets very ugly very quickly. So? My divorce was amicable until I started pushing back on my ex's ridiculous demands. This seems to be quite common actually. You can either stand up for yourself or sit on your hands and get steam rolled. 50/50 custody won't work with that much distance between you two and the court is unlikely to bless such an arrangement. Sounds like your ex is setting you up tbh. Hire a lawyer ASAP and fight if you care at all about being in you…
/r/Divorce_Men21/03/23 05:59 PM
7

With that being said we will not be able to live together during this. Why? in-house separation while divorce is in progress is quite common. Get in front of all of this by hiring a lawyer and filing for divorce.
/r/Divorce_Men21/03/23 05:37 PM
1

Depends where you live. I divorced in a state that requires an 18 month separation for a no-fault divorce unless either party is "at fault" (i.e. cheated, etc). Still you'd have to be able to prove she's cheating unless she's willing to go on record admitting she did it.
/r/Divorce_Men21/03/23 05:19 PM
3

I wasn't paying attention to my ex-wife's needs, she meets someone new Stop and think about what you're saying here. Maybe you could've been a better husband, but this is no excuse for her cheating. That's 100% on her. Think very carefully about reconciling. What makes you think things would be different the second time around? What has changed in the past year? Would your ex turn to another man again if/when the going gets tough? With all of that, I am so confused. Because I do still love her A…
/r/Divorce_Men21/03/23 05:13 PM
10

It's just the price of doing business for folks like him.
/r/Divorce_Men20/03/23 04:34 PM
-1

Andrew Tate makes a strong argument for this. So? He's a charlatan douche bag.
/r/Divorce_Men17/03/23 10:14 PM
1

Doesn't matter what she says or thinks. Hire a lawyer and stop discussing divorce with her. "You might be right" was one of my favourite phrases back when I was in your shoes.
/r/Divorce_Men15/03/23 08:08 PM
1

I suppose anything would be possible if your stbx is willing to go along with it, but I sure as hell would not bank on this. Best to get right the first time when it comes to divorce.
/r/Divorce_Men15/03/23 07:25 PM
3

Or... I don't know.. maybe you get different "takes" on a situation when you ask for advice/opinions from internet strangers on an open forum? Also, you left out one important bit of info. How long have you been dating this new woman?
/r/Divorce_Men15/03/23 07:19 PM
1

I got you. Yes, child support can be significantly higher for anything less than 50/50. Also, custodial parent generally has final say in school choice (i.e. where the child lives) unless this is explicitly covered in the decree/parenting plan. For example, my ex-wife made a push for 60/40 because she knew there was more money it in for her and her plan was to relocate to a different state with the children once the dust from divorce settled. I do realize that none of this is directly related to…
/r/Divorce_Men13/03/23 06:35 PM
1

This one is a no-brainer IMO. Live close to your child.
/r/Divorce_Men13/03/23 06:12 PM
1

I disagree. The difference is potentially huge.
/r/Divorce_Men13/03/23 06:11 PM
2

How old are your children? A therapist might be able to help you navigate these types of situations with your ex, if she's really a narcissist. This approach worked for me.
/r/Divorce_Men13/03/23 02:26 PM
2

Eventually shit like this won't bother you. Block her in the meantime, if possible (some dating apps allow blocking by phone # for example).
/r/Divorce_Men12/03/23 11:58 PM
3

If she's already convinced that there's a big prize waiting for her at the end of the divorce, then no, there's probably nothing you can say or do in the short-term to change her mind. Your best bet is to make a reasonable offer, wait for her counter, and then book a court date. Don't waste time negotiating back and forth or with mediation if she's being unreasonable. Also, if she's already dating(or having an affair), then she might be more inclined to settle quickly.
/r/Divorce_Men07/03/23 08:10 PM
1

It's still not clear what the schedule is here. What does this mean? we share sat and sun with the kids
/r/Divorce_Men06/03/23 08:48 PM
6

Babysitter? Those are your children. Stop worrying about what your ex-wife is up to and enjoy that time with your children.
/r/Divorce_Men06/03/23 08:43 PM
7

I'm with you. This sub is becoming less about men's divorce and more about talking shit about and blaming problems on women.
/r/Divorce_Men06/03/23 08:04 PM
1

There are no judges to schedule trial What do you mean?
/r/Divorce_Men06/03/23 07:40 PM
1

You provided no info about your marriage, divorce, and current relationship with your stbx so hard to say for sure. Generally a gift from your children is fine/appropriate, but what's the point of a gift from you? What are you hoping to accomplish?
/r/Divorce_Men01/03/23 08:35 PM
1

I nuked all accounts and never got around to creating new ones. No regrets here.
/r/Divorce_Men28/02/23 03:37 PM
1

Yes, this is normal.
/r/Divorce_Men26/02/23 10:10 PM
2

Let me send you my ex-wife's # so she can explain how moving to a different state and seeking full custody worked out for her. Spoiler alert: It didn't go as planned. Long story short, I ended up with full custody and she ended up with children that have little to do with and no respect for her.
/r/Divorce_Men23/02/23 06:51 PM
1

Nope. No angle here. Best of luck.
/r/Divorce_Men23/02/23 05:06 PM
1

Did you marry your stbx even though you knew she wasn't a keeper? In general, dating while divorcing is bad for business. It's an unnecessary distraction with possible legal ramifications. Surely your attorney has mentioned this.
/r/Divorce_Men23/02/23 04:09 PM
2

She doesn't want to involve lawyers because she isn't being truthful/transparent about assets. Trust can be a very fragile thing during divorce and she has already shown that she's willing to lie. You can seek legal advice without filing for divorce or letting your wife know that you're doing so. Book some time with a lawyer and play it close to the vest.
/r/Divorce_Men22/02/23 11:57 PM
10

Please consider seeking legal advice from an experienced family lawyer in your jurisdiction. This is the only real way to determine what you're up against. Your wife can't lay claim to 100% of your paycheck, but you do have a minor child and a wife that doesn't work so you're going to be on the hook for support of some kind. Start talking to lawyers today. Most offer consultations for free. Don't tell your wife your doing this until divorce is filed or you're instructed to do so by your attorney…
/r/Divorce_Men22/02/23 09:04 PM
2

I'm a fairly average looking dude and have dated ~40 women from Tinder, Match, and Zoosk over the past 3 years. I spent about a year of that time in committed relationships(met both of those women on Tinder). There's no secret to it and IMO most PUA/dating coach material is rubbish. Why not give Tinder a go? The free tier service is functional enough and they offer discounts for Gold tier service fairly regularly (Gold gives you unlimited swipes and allows you to see who liked you and to set you…
/r/Divorce_Men22/02/23 08:43 PM
6

I ended up hiring a female attorney and she not only unfucked the mess made by a couple of male attorneys, but she helped me terminate alimony a couple of years after the divorce. That said, I don't think gender really matters. Do your research and start interviewing attorneys then choose the best fit for the job. I hired the female attorney based on her experience with the court in my jurisdiction. She had tons of cases representing men and women and was very familiar with the judge presiding o…
/r/Divorce_Men22/02/23 01:54 AM
1

File an ex parte order for exclusive use of the house and an emergency custody declaration This sounds like a damn good way to stir up unnecessary conflict and to get laughed out of court.
/r/Divorce_Men22/02/23 01:41 AM
1

She's smart to seek legal counsel and you should do the same! Also, you left out some important bits of information such as duration of the marriage, whether or not she's employed, the reason for the divorce, and whether or not you have children. Lawyering up makes even more sense depending on how you fill in those blanks.
/r/Divorce_Men22/02/23 01:30 AM
1

She tells me she always wants me in her life and still loves me while she is on face time with her fboy. If she loves you and wants you in her life, then why is she with another man? She's keeping you on stand-by in case things don't work out with loverboy and she'll keep doing this as long as you allow it. "No contact" is probably not an option since you have a child with her, but you can certainly take steps to minimize contact. Start with only responding to her when the conversation is about …
/r/Divorce_Men21/02/23 08:18 PM
4

This sounds like a train wreck in the making tbh. Please consider consulting with an attorney before agreeing to anything mentioned in your post. You wouldn't necessarily have to retain a lawyer, but at least reviewing your case with one would be a smart move here. Your stbx doesn't have to know you're talking to a lawyer. You do not want to DIY this as a man with a 6 figure income married to a SAHM.
/r/Divorce_Men18/02/23 10:00 PM
1

Congrats! Buy something nice for yourself!
/r/Divorce_Men18/02/23 05:05 AM
1

Sounds like an excellent way to stir up a high conflict divorce while torching a bunch of time and money along the way. You're likely to end up with half the debt to boot. This is not the way to "win" if you're wife is in fact a narcissist.
/r/Divorce_Men17/02/23 09:05 PM
3

Yikes! That's ridiculous.
/r/Divorce_Men17/02/23 07:18 PM
1

Also, NC requires 1 year separation to get a divorce so I have to move out. I divorced in a state that requires an 18 month separation, but actual physical separation isn't a requirement. Might be something to consider/check into.
/r/Divorce_Men17/02/23 07:13 PM
3

Think she'd agree to legal separation? Might be worth checking into if you're looking for some protection until the divorce is filed & finalized.
/r/Divorce_Men17/02/23 05:18 PM
2

You've been married for a year and have no kids or assets. You'd have to put a lot of effort into making this divorce a long and expensive process. Work out an agreement for splitting any debt and move on with your life.
/r/Divorce_Men17/02/23 05:11 PM
1

You don't. A divorce is contested the moment there are one or more issues in which you and the stbx are unable to agree, so whether or not a divorce is contested isn't a choice one makes. Most contested divorces end uncontested. It's usually best to hire a lawyer either way and your stbx's silence on the matter probably means she's already retained one. Also, she probably has just as many assets to bring to the table as you do if you've been married for any significant amount of time.
/r/Divorce_Men16/02/23 03:26 PM
2

In a perfect world where adults actually put their children first, 50/50 would be ideal. Especially in a situation as you've described where your stbx plans to move closer to the children before they reach school age. The problem with this is that no one can predict the future or human behaviour. What happens if your stbx decides to renege or move even farther away after 12 months? At minimum you'd want to have your children locked into the school district in which you currently reside. IMO if y…
/r/Divorce_Men16/02/23 12:07 AM
4

It's considered as crucial for males by the red pill community.
/r/Divorce_Men13/02/23 09:28 PM
12

I'm not a fan of the "get a dog" as a cure for loneliness advice that you sometimes see posted here. It's not terrible advice per se, but please only get a dog if you intend to care for it properly and only after doing some research on dog ownership.
/r/Divorce_Men13/02/23 08:37 PM
1

$500 seems a bit pricey for general legal information and tips on dealing with a narcissist. The website says a whole lot of nothing tbh. Kinda weird that he specializes in dealing with narcissists too. Is he a psychologist or psychiatrist too? Is he familiar with family law across all US state jurisdictions?
/r/Divorce_Men13/02/23 02:26 AM
1

Sounds like you've already given her a heads-up. How did she react when you mentioned divorce?
/r/Divorce_Men12/02/23 08:32 AM
5

I wouldn't sweat it much as it's unlikely to go anywhere. She sounds like a lovely person. Congrats on 50/50 and surviving the divorce.
/r/Divorce_Men09/02/23 09:55 PM
2

Sounds like you're on the right track and understand how to negotiate. Ignore the cringe lord.
/r/Divorce_Men08/02/23 08:11 PM
8

This one is a no brainer IMO. You will never get that time back with your child.
/r/Divorce_Men06/02/23 10:44 PM
1

What did you discuss in the early days? "I'm willing to be in a committed/exclusive relationship with the right person, but have no intention of remarrying or cohabiting". Some women are cool with this and some aren't. Many pretend to be onboard, but eventually loose their shit over it. Just be honest about your intentions.
/r/Divorce_Men06/02/23 07:43 PM
2

To be clear, I'm not suggesting rolling over or "playing nice". Just saying it doesn't seem you have a strong case for modifying or terminating alimony(based on info you've shared here). I hate alimony just as much as the next guy, but all things considered sounds like you got a pretty good deal. 3 years is nothing compared to what most get stuck with after a long marriage. Especially in places like CA. All that said, I'd absolutely get a professional opinion. Just be wary of any lawyer that pro…
/r/Divorce_Men06/02/23 07:27 PM
2

Best bet IMO is to pay the remaining 18 months unless your ex is willing to terminate voluntarily.
/r/Divorce_Men06/02/23 12:11 AM
1

Good on you for the positive attitude. To be clear, I met my ex wife in a pre-online dating world several years before marrying her (was married for 16 years). I was only pointing out to OP that there are decent women on dating apps. At least that has been my experience.
/r/Divorce_Men05/02/23 08:36 PM
2

Agreed. Incel and red pill stooges flock to posts like these.
/r/Divorce_Men05/02/23 12:47 AM
1

I've been dating the same woman for about a year. I met her on Tinder.
/r/Divorce_Men05/02/23 12:45 AM
2

My response to your question is yes. My ex wife set the bar pretty low. I meet women via online dating and friends. Occasionally in the wild. It's not that complicated unless you make it that way.
/r/Divorce_Men04/02/23 09:46 PM
1

Familiarity with your local courts/judges and experience with going to trial. Availability. Think of it as interviewing them for a job.
/r/Divorce_Men31/01/23 06:57 PM
22

Best to ignore this kind of nonsense and not engage in the delusion.
/r/Divorce_Men30/01/23 07:51 PM
2

You're giving my ex too much credit.
/r/Divorce_Men30/01/23 04:37 PM
5

My ex behaved similarly. She cheated and initiated divorce then refused to file. It's been over 4 years for me and I still don't know why she did this. My advice: Don't spend too much time and energy trying to understand her behaviour. Nothing good will come of it. File for the divorce and focus on your own strategy.
/r/Divorce_Men30/01/23 03:44 PM
4

This behaviour seems to be extremely common. Radio silence is your friend. Don't get a baited into arguments.
/r/Divorce_Men28/01/23 07:23 PM
5

What am I missing? A lawyer.
/r/Divorce_Men28/01/23 07:20 PM
1

Get out before you end up having children with this cretin.
/r/Divorce_Men27/01/23 10:51 PM
3

You really need to hire a lawyer if you haven't already. Did you adopt the child? You might be on the hook for child support if so. Alimony laws vary from state to state. Some have clear-cut rules and guidelines and others do not. I've always heard that mandatory spousal support isn't a thing in Texas, but I'm not actually familiar with the law there. I have a hard time believing it because I divorced in a so-called "no alimony state". I found out the hard way that this was only a myth. Texas is…
/r/Divorce_Men27/01/23 01:40 AM
1

Hmm.. You could drop well-timed, anonymous tips to local authorities and CPS. No cameras required for this. Better make sure you're squeaky clean before opening that can. If you can't trust your lawyer enough to answer simple legal questions, then you need a different lawyer. I can think of some creative uses for the cameras, but that's not what this sub is about.
/r/Divorce_Men26/01/23 10:17 PM
3

Do you really think playing nice will make her go away? What you're suggesting seems rational, but don't forget the type of person you're dealing with (she does not sound like a reasonable or rational person based on what you've shared). What makes you think the court would actually change the current custody order? There usually has to be a damn good reason for this to happen. Child support is for your children. Period. Accepting child support payments does not mean you're an ass. Put in saving…
/r/Divorce_Men25/01/23 10:37 PM
1

To answer your question - No, probably not. What are you gonna do? spend 10s of thousands suing her? I have yet to meet a divorced woman that did not have horrible things to say about their ex-husband(s). Super common IMO. I've been divorced for 4+ years and my ex(to whom I rarely speak) still talks shit about me when I don't do what she wants me to. Just ignore and move forward with your life & divorce.
/r/Divorce_Men24/01/23 07:36 PM
2

There's some good general advice posted here, but really you need to hire a lawyer.
/r/Divorce_Men24/01/23 07:19 PM
2

I get it man. My ex is legit crazy and her character judgement ability is questionable at best. My kids only see her one weekend per month (if that) and she has dated some real doozies. Still I have her boyfriends investigated. Your best bet is probably private investigator. Any PI worth their salt should be able to ID the guy and provide a background report via scheduled, dedicated surveillance and with some creative pretexting. Your divorce attorney should be able to recommend a PI. Do some re…
/r/Divorce_Men14/01/23 08:24 PM
4

You could run a basic background check and engage with PI if there are red flags. This is the approach I've always taken.
/r/Divorce_Men14/01/23 07:21 PM
2

Do you have children?
/r/Divorce_Men14/01/23 07:16 PM
5

How can someone you love, supported and protected treat you like this? You'll go mad trying to solve this one. Focus on yourself and getting the divorce across the finish line. You do not need your wife's permission to file for divorce so that's the next step IMO if you want to get the ball rolling.
/r/Divorce_Men11/01/23 05:02 PM
1

CO is my fave US state for sure! Your kids won't forget that you're their dad if you keep making great memories with them. So are you ok with having them weekends only? Guess I'm trying to understand why your stbx seems to have the final say in custody. TruthFinder is a decent consumer option for running a background check. Just keep in mind that they(like other public facing bg checking services) obtain their data from public sources, so their reports won't contain anything that (in theory) you…
/r/Divorce_Men08/01/23 02:41 AM
1

She is also refusing 50/50 custody Mind elaborating? How often do you see your children? As for dealing with new boyfriends... The safety of my kids has always been top priority. I start with a background check and dig deeper, if necessary, based on the outcome of that. Any obvious red flags are investigated further (after looping-in my divorce attorney of course). You're (understandably) overthinking "what to say" to your children. At the end of the day all you can really do is hope the bf is a…
/r/Divorce_Men07/01/23 10:37 PM
1

A car is of no use to her without a driver so unlikely she'll "fight" you over the car. I would seriously consider trading down or refinancing before filing for the divorce. Either way get the stbx off of the loan. Offer something that's valuable/important to her in exchange for her stake in the auto. Best of luck to you!
/r/Divorce_Men06/01/23 03:12 AM
2

IMO the goal here is to eliminate as many joint accounts/loans as possible before filing for divorce. Either sell the car and split the profit/loss just like any other property/debt or possibly refinance (solely in yours or her name) before filing. Check local laws, but you should be able to do this without consequence as long as it's done before you file. Should be an easy conversation if your current working relationship with stbx is truly amicable. My situation was a bit different... My divor…
/r/Divorce_Men05/01/23 11:32 PM
2

Of course she doesn't want to involve lawyers.. she has you pegged as a pushover. Find a good lawyer and let her keep thinking you don't have one.
/r/Divorce_Men05/01/23 11:03 PM
2

Dude it seems you're holding all the leverage. Her stalling could actually help you with permanent full custody. How long has that temp custody order been in place? Are you familiar with the term "status quo"(regarding child custody specifically)? Has anyone had full custody until trial and then lost it? see comment on status quo. If you've had full custody for 2 years, then your stbx's battle for custody will be an uphill one. I would even be okay with 50/50.. is that something that could be or…
/r/Divorce_Men22/12/22 06:01 PM
8

You're going to have to snap out of the protector & provider mindset. This woman cheated on you and left you for another man. She knows you care about her and will exploit that for all it is worth. Being generous now(during divorce) could also set a precedent that bites you in the ass later. At the very least you'll set an expectation and your ex will be hitting you up for money even years after divorce. Edit: Also, cut ties with your stbx as much as possible. You seem to know an awful lot about…
/r/Divorce_Men22/12/22 05:37 PM
1

>Im just happy to have positive human contact that is not overtly abusive. ​ This is exactly what you have to be mindful of. I'm not saying that the mere act of a woman treating you in a positive way is a definite sign of predatory behaviour, but it is a very common behaviour among predatory/manipulative people. Excessive flattery is a deal breaker for me. IMO it's best to keep dating casually until you're happy and comfortable with yourself and being by yourself.
/r/Divorce_Men21/12/22 08:47 PM
2

It's a worthy cause and many divorced men have expressed similar thoughts at one time or another(myself included). One problem I've noticed with these types of efforts is that they're often woefully disorganized and out of touch with reality. People start at "equal rights" and "good intentions" and end up pushing some rather extreme views. No different than other controversial US-based political movement in that regard. This has at least been my experience.
/r/Divorce_Men21/12/22 08:34 PM
1

We've been through this fella... How about you put your money where your mouth is? Get married, have a few kids, build a solid nest egg, and operationalize your legal separation exploit over the next 9-10 years. Be sure to report back when you pull the plug on the marriage and let us know how that works out. Hell we can make it even easier... provide ONE example of an actual case where someone successfully sidestepped the divorce process by using your technique. By successful I mean clean break …
/r/Divorce_Men21/12/22 06:46 PM
10

Well said. Even if OP can't get the marriage annulled, a divorce should be stupid easy. OP - IMO your wife has shown her true colours and things will only get worse. I'd terminate the marriage and never look back.
/r/Divorce_Men21/12/22 01:32 AM
1

I upload family pics to a cloud storage service and give my ex read access to them. She can either view the pics or not and I don't have to communicate with her each time they're updated.
/r/Divorce_Men20/12/22 10:39 PM
3

I don't think you're dumb. Naive and a bit ignorant maybe. IMO you're just trying to make yourself feel better by rolling over and caving to her demands. In reality no one gives a shit that you're trying to "make right" for (presumably) having an affair and divorcing your wife. The reality is that you're about to get steam rolled unless you take control of the situation.
/r/Divorce_Men20/12/22 06:30 PM
1

Possibly, but it seems your headed in that direction (trial) anyway so why continue wasting money on mediation?
/r/Divorce_Men20/12/22 06:20 PM
-3

Hey look another clown with no reading and comprehension skills. I am poking fun at red pill cultists. I'm not a fan of marriage personally, but you red pill bozos are brainwashed weirdos.
/r/Divorce_Men20/12/22 01:05 AM
-8

Winning what exactly? A lifetime supply of fleshlights and delusion?
/r/Divorce_Men19/12/22 10:53 PM
1

Skip the mediation and set up a trial date.
/r/Divorce_Men19/12/22 10:26 PM
-8

I didn't comment on marriage one way or the other.. just your weird circle jerk cult.
/r/Divorce_Men19/12/22 10:07 PM
-17

Looks like another red pill loony wandered away from the compound. You culty fucks should really stop preying on vulnerable men.
/r/Divorce_Men19/12/22 08:15 PM
12

If I were you, I'd file for divorce and never look back. All that hidden debt is marital debt and the tab is still running. she stays for convenience/cost. I admit I do too. Nothing you described about your living arrangement sounds convenient or cost friendly.
/r/Divorce_Men19/12/22 08:08 PM
1

Lotsa weird posts here lately. I suspect a troll.
/r/Divorce_Men19/12/22 08:00 PM
6

This is sometimes called "birdnesting" and in most cases is a terrible idea for (what should be) obvious reasons. You mentioned nothing about your relationship with your stbx. A living arrangement like you described simply will not work unless you and your stbx happen get along perfectly and are on the same page (emotionally) about the divorce. Even then shit could get dicey once either or both of you start dating again. IMO you should rip the band aid off and move on with life. Why not just sel…
/r/Divorce_Men19/12/22 07:57 PM
1

Spineless tool, if true.
/r/Divorce_Men19/12/22 06:11 PM
1

Your story makes no sense to me. You say you're cool with your ex taking your child to another country but in the same sentence claim you're somehow involved in your child's life. Both of these cannot be true. I pay more than necessary because we didn’t use lawyers and I thought that by doing this she would be more stable to help take care of our daughter. More flawed thinking on your part. Being a "nice guy" in divorce will get you fucked over every time. You need to contact a lawyer ASAP and h…
/r/Divorce_Men19/12/22 04:16 PM
1

Report her ass to the IRS! You can fill out the form online.
/r/Divorce_Men19/12/22 03:57 PM
1

Every state has a formula for calculating child support, but in general it's based on parenting time and both parent's gross income. Stop being foolish and talk to a lawyer.
/r/Divorce_Men17/12/22 08:20 PM
3

Looks like another troll bait post to me.
/r/Divorce_Men16/12/22 01:58 AM
1

Have either of you actually filed for divorce? Is your "homebase" in a different state? If so, what are the residency requirements there?
/r/Divorce_Men16/12/22 01:56 AM
5

Dude read your post carefully and think about what you're saying. Your side chick has been married twice and ended both marriages because she stopped having butterfly feelings. This woman is not looking for a long term relationship with you.
/r/Divorce_Men15/12/22 11:20 PM
1

She just wants a reaction from you so don't take the bait. You will be able to cut (most) ties with the ex once your girls are out on their own. In the meantime stay the course and make the most of the remaining time you have with your children. You do not get that time back.
/r/Divorce_Men14/12/22 04:38 PM
2

What do you gain or lose by telling her? It's not like filing for divorce is a big secret. My approach was to feign ignorance and openness because I wanted a settlement.
/r/Divorce_Men14/12/22 12:02 AM
3

Get a PO Box for your mail and store valuables with a trusted friend, relative, or in a safe deposit box.
/r/Divorce_Men13/12/22 11:39 PM
2

Something isn't adding up here. How long is "months"? What kind of case is ongoing? divorce? Just curious. To answer your question - Tell her to go shit in a hat.
/r/Divorce_Men13/12/22 11:30 PM
2

I've dated several single moms and currently dating one. What are you on about?
/r/Divorce_Men13/12/22 02:40 PM
2

So converting a legal separation to divorce in Washington is easy? This was easy where I divorced as well. Actually getting my ex to agree to the language in the separation agreement was not easy and in fact no different than contested divorce (months of conflict, negotiations, and legal fees). Also, the state in which I divorced does not allow either party to simply convert a legal separation to divorce without consent of the other. The ex and I both had to agree to this in the separation agree…
/r/Divorce_Men12/12/22 09:05 PM
1

You're not wrong about legal separation addressing CS and custody. I'm living proof of it even. I'm saying your solution would not address these things. That is(as I understand your proposed solution), if I were to marry and immediately get a legal separation and then proceed to play house and have children with my (not)wife over the course of several years and the inevitable breakup occurs. You're claiming that whatever was written in the legal separation years ago would apply to the current st…
/r/Divorce_Men12/12/22 08:08 PM
4

You were probably banned from those subs because your solution is flawed and you post about it incessantly. 1) Legal separation is legally defined by state law so the definition and application varies widely from state to state. Even if you found a way to exploit a loophole in one state this does not mean the same approach would work in all states or even any other state 2) Even if your solution provided some sort of blanket protection for things like property division (that's a big "IF") it doe…
/r/Divorce_Men12/12/22 07:29 PM
1

Understandable. Divorce is very stressful and especially so when children are involved. So much uncertainty. Many or most men on this sub have been in your shoes. Hell it's a miracle I did not lose my job due to lack of focus while my divorce was in progress. I thankfully had a very understanding employer and business partner. I know it's easier said than done, but try to focus only on the things you can control and try not to worry about the things you can't. This might sound a bit harsh, but d…
/r/Divorce_Men09/12/22 10:45 PM
1

Not judging you. Maybe I'm misunderstanding(very possible as I'm sick with flu). You stated that your stbx and her attorney recommended an undesirable parenting time schedule and that your children should have their own legal representation. The rest of your post implies that you're (reluctantly) going along with these suggestions and you did not mention anything about having an attorney of your own. Is this a fair summary?
/r/Divorce_Men09/12/22 08:54 PM
2

I think it's good to be honest with your children. Just be age appropriate and leave out unnecessary color. Stating fact isn't the same as "talking shit". I found speaking with a therapist about this sort of thing to be helpful.
/r/Divorce_Men09/12/22 08:10 PM
1

Why are you taking legal advice from your stbx and her attorney?
/r/Divorce_Men09/12/22 07:56 PM
1

I have a different view of this type of situation than most others here. My ex pulled the same bullshit and eventually gave up custody and moved to a different state(about a year after divorce was finalized). I've been solo parenting for a few years and to be completely honest it has been absolute hell at times. My youngest (teen aged) daughter has taken it the hardest. She struggles with major depression & anxiety, self esteem issues, and anger management and has even attempted to take her own …
/r/Divorce_Men09/12/22 05:52 PM
2

My background is similar to yours. Married to a SAHM for 16 years and had to pay a fairly significant amount of alimony. I was able to have it terminated a few years after divorce, but here's the thing... I didn't divorce in Illinois. Alimony laws vary from state to state so IMO your first steps are to familiarize with state law and hire an attorney(if you haven't). In general you want to make sure the conditions for termination and modification are explicitly defined. Leave as little wiggle roo…
/r/Divorce_Men07/12/22 01:33 AM
6

You're making the right decision! Her "relationship" with the affair partner more than likely will not last. Get the divorce finished while her head is in the clouds.
/r/Divorce_Men05/12/22 02:18 AM
1

Do you have a lawyer? Apologies if you've already answered.
/r/Divorce_Men04/12/22 11:10 PM
3

lmao... giving voice commands to a blowjob machine is considered "alpha" these days?
/r/Divorce_Men04/12/22 02:31 AM
6

Good luck having that enforced. Are you going to take your ex to court every time her fiance spends time with your child? Sounds like a colossal waste of time and money to me . My ex has introduced all sorts of new men to my children over the years.... even the creep she had the affair with. I always background check them and then work it from there as needed. Other than that you just have to make peace with it and hope your ex is at least associating with decent people.
/r/Divorce_Men02/12/22 05:26 PM
3

I'm no mental health professional, but feeling detached is probably normal considering the circumstances. I felt numb and detached for almost two years after my divorce... it's like I was on autopilot. I think this is one of the reasons having a good lawyer in your corner is so important. They're supposed to guide you through the process and help prevent you from making poor decisions that could that could affect you for the rest of your life. That said, I'm curious about your custody arrangemen…
/r/Divorce_Men28/11/22 06:01 PM
3

Similar experience here. My ex scorched the earth on her way out and ultimately abandoned her own children for very selfish reasons. It took me a good three years to recover financially and mentally and the kids will never be the same.
/r/Divorce_Men26/11/22 03:30 AM
1

Hmmm I actually enjoy dating.
/r/Divorce_Men25/11/22 06:12 PM
4

Very well said. Obviously the reasons for divorce should be considered if trying to decide whether or not reconcile, but "how" the divorce played out is equally(if not more) critical.
/r/Divorce_Men25/11/22 06:10 PM
3

Embrace the freedom of not having to tell anyone where you're going and what you're doing.
/r/Divorce_Men20/11/22 05:27 PM
2

LOL stop that or you'll break the internet! I will concede that your comment is also valid. The only point I was attempting to make is that OP should show his wife some mercy and move on if his heart isn't really in to rebuilding the marriage. His comments kinda paint him as being annoyed or frustrated with the situation. I say this as person who was cheated on after being married for 16 years.
/r/Divorce_Men18/11/22 07:17 PM
2

Communicate via text or email only. Ignore anything that isn't directly related to your children or critical to the divorce.
/r/Divorce_Men18/11/22 03:45 PM
2

OP has to decide if it's worth it to him or not. This has nothing to do with any other parties. Whether or not his wife is willing to forgive/forget is her decision.
/r/Divorce_Men17/11/22 11:33 PM
2

Only you can decide if moving forward with the relationship is worth it. Commit fully to rebuilding or end it.
/r/Divorce_Men17/11/22 10:51 PM
1

In the mean time, I get to see my son a couple of weekends a month, as well as randomly whenever something comes up. Why and how long has this been going on? Have either of you filed for divorce?
/r/Divorce_Men17/11/22 04:53 PM
2

FWIW my ex tried the exclusive use of the house BS and the judge shot it down. There was no history of abuse, addiction, etc... she simply wanted me out of the house. The judge actually seemed annoyed by this. Dig in and fight for 50/50 and remember that temp orders are often the blueprint for the final decree.
/r/Divorce_Men16/11/22 06:26 PM
1

I hear you. I dropped my first divorce lawyer for similar reasons(he was incompetent at everything except for stirring the pot and billing). Sometimes guys here are anxious to switch lawyers because of perceived neglect, laziness, etc, but in reality they're the ones being unreasonable and/or impatient. Divorce is often a very slow process. You're obviously at a very different stage and I'd be interviewing different lawyers too.
/r/Divorce_Men16/11/22 06:17 PM
3

You'll drive yourself mad trying to make sense of irrational behaviour. I confronted my ex with indisputable evidence of her affair right before we divorced. That was ~4 years ago. She still denies having the affair to this day. I've realized since divorcing that many aspects of her life are a facade and her world consists mostly of delusion. It's really quite pathetic. I know it's difficult, but focus on your son and building a new life. You will see your stbx for what she really is with time. …
/r/Divorce_Men16/11/22 05:10 PM
1

Understood. I'd make the ex work for this info if I were in your shoes. Don't respond to her shit unless you have to. That said, it's probably not a bad idea to keep your lawyer in the loop and to understand if you're actually at risk of having to pay the money your ex lost out on. Start shopping for a new lawyer if your current one can't/won't help you navigate that.
/r/Divorce_Men16/11/22 04:47 PM
1

Is there an open case? Sounds like your lawyer is trying to save you some time and money by not responding to your ex's bullshit.
/r/Divorce_Men16/11/22 03:48 PM
1

Stop following your ex on social media and stop worrying about what she thinks or says. I agree that social media can make cheating easier, but cheaters are gonna cheat with or without it. Have you considered individual therapy?
/r/Divorce_Men14/11/22 07:33 PM
1

Fingers crossed that all goes well for you Monday!
/r/Divorce_Men13/11/22 12:34 AM
1

I hear you man. The juice might not be worth the squeeze. My ex kinda did the same thing to me btw... Divorce was her idea (she cheated) and she was very cruel about ending the relationship. I've never been so broken. The day after it was like nothing had happened. She was out shopping, going to spa, etc. I was tempted many times to roll over just to make it stop. I'm not saying that's what you're doing... just take care that you do not. Best of luck to you.
/r/Divorce_Men13/11/22 12:11 AM
5

I'd push back unless doing so would cost more than $5000.
/r/Divorce_Men12/11/22 02:35 AM
15

She didntnstart seeing him until after she asked for the divorce. And she actually broke up with him. I bet you a month's pay that neither of those statements are true.
/r/Divorce_Men12/11/22 01:15 AM
2

I'm just curious(not judging you)... why did you decide to take the arbitration route?
/r/Divorce_Men11/11/22 06:41 PM
3

Maybe your friends' ex-wives got the house(and probably more - custody, etc) because your friends moved before the divorce was finalized or they signed the house over to their ex(out of ignorance, laziness, lack of legal support, etc)? It's impossible to know without some context, but courts don't willy-nilly award the marital home to wives just because they're women. That's just not how it works. I'm not trying to be a dick, but I'm not a fan of the idea that men are always a victim in this typ…
/r/Divorce_Men11/11/22 06:25 PM
3

My point is that men do not "have to" voluntarily leave.
/r/Divorce_Men11/11/22 06:05 PM
3

why is it the men that needs to leave ? According to who? Have either of you filed for divorce?
/r/Divorce_Men11/11/22 03:39 PM
2

That's really interesting and news to me. tbh the reasoning makes no sense to me. I was on the hook for a shit ton of CS at one point and never missed a payment... So that(my) money went directly to my children(mother of my children) and the fed paid my local government a percentage of that payment so that my children wouldn't need fed assistance. Typing that made my head explode.
/r/Divorce_Men09/11/22 10:28 PM
5

Let's say you're a state. You get compensated for every dollar of child support that you collect. Your second point makes sense, but what exactly does the first part of your comment mean? How are states compensated based on child support? Legit question out of curiosity.
/r/Divorce_Men09/11/22 05:44 PM
2

Don't move out unless your lawyer instructs you to do so or a judge orders it. That is unless you don't care about custody and don't mind paying temporary support. Focus on your children and getting the divorce across the finish line. You'll have plenty of freedom and privacy after the divorce. Don't let her bait you into arguments and certainly do not take advice(legal or any other kind) from her.
/r/Divorce_Men09/11/22 04:46 PM
0

What course of action has your lawyer recommended for the harassment specifically? Have you tried asking her to stop with the harassment? Did you document the request and her response? Might not be a bad idea to start keeping a solid record of her nonsense... especially if she's making threats or stalking. "Grey rocking" has actually been pretty effective in my experience when dealing with toxic people (not just my ex). At the very least you should ignore your ex unless the communication is urge…
/r/Divorce_Men08/11/22 10:36 PM
2

I just don’t feel that spark and when I really think about it I don’t know if I ever did. we very rarely have sex anymore (by my lack of enthusiasm) last time was about 3 months ago. This is all that needs to be said IMO. You might be able to fake it for a while... or even a long time, but eventually your true feelings towards her/the relationship will bite you in the ass and you'll be forced to address one way or the other.
/r/Divorce_Men04/11/22 05:47 PM
2

Are there any steps I can take to ensure that I get custody? Don't move out unless instructed to do so by your lawyer or ordered by a judge. How involved have you been with your son's day-to-day care and feeding? In NC we have to be separated for a year before filing for divorce, would i be able to get split custody of my son in that period? I divorced in a state that requires an 18 month separation for a no-fault divorce. Legal separation worked for me. The ordered separation agreement covered …
/r/Divorce_Men03/11/22 09:59 PM
1

$600 is a fucking bargain man... pay it and move on with life.
/r/Divorce_Men03/11/22 09:25 PM
2

Firearms, heirlooms, computer hardware & backups, and things like birth certificates, passports, social security cards, etc.
/r/Divorce_Men03/11/22 09:23 PM
6

Excellent point. In my case I filed for the divorce that my ex-wife demanded. Nothing meaningful to add here really(I think this thread is a bit silly) other than "you know what they say about statistics".
/r/Divorce_Men03/11/22 09:16 PM
4

So a guy having a vasectomy in his 30s = "all the masculinity has been crushed out of them by the gynocracy"? That's quite the leap there bud.
/r/Divorce_Men02/11/22 06:01 PM
1

There a number of factors involved. You provided no information about your marriage/divorce case, but in general you want her working and earning as much as possible - the goal being to minimize the disparity in income (and earning potential) as much as possible. Also, familiarize with State alimony laws. Really you need to hire a lawyer if you're at risk for long-term alimony obligations. A good one can help with this kind of pre-divorce planning.
/r/Divorce_Men02/11/22 03:21 PM
2

Run for the hills!
/r/Divorce_Men01/11/22 06:49 PM
5

I found this to be true with my divorce as well as most post-divorced related legal matters.
/r/Divorce_Men01/11/22 06:44 PM
1

Why not file and request a temp hearing for custody? Filing(period) will grant you certain protections and starts the timer for finalizing the divorce. Mediation is probably a waste of time and money if you and the stbx aren't already mostly on the same page.
/r/Divorce_Men01/11/22 04:54 PM
9

Play dumb and let her think you're dumb. The affair might be valuable as leverage later.
/r/Divorce_Men31/10/22 09:00 PM
3

Indeed. It's been about four years since it all went down and her life is a dumpster fire nowadays. I normally don't find enjoyment in misfortune of others, but her actions were extremely destructive and unnecessary... so yeah fuck her. If I could give "past" me one bit of advice it'd be as follows: Make damn sure your kids have the emotional support they need. Find a good therapist for them without delay(note: some therapists are shit... shop around and find a good fit). It's taken three years …
/r/Divorce_Men31/10/22 06:57 PM
12

Hell yeah that's the spirit! Show no mercy for this kind of garbage behaviour. My ex pulled the same shit as yours btw. +
/r/Divorce_Men31/10/22 04:59 PM
11

I don't understand the purpose of posts like this. Why are you having children with this person when you do not see a future with them?
/r/Divorce_Men28/10/22 02:33 PM
3

I don't think legal separation works the way you seem to think it does.
/r/Divorce_Men27/10/22 05:53 PM
2

LMAO!
/r/Divorce_Men27/10/22 02:56 AM
1

Congrats man! Best of luck to you.
/r/Divorce_Men26/10/22 03:38 PM
1

I'd routinely provide dinner for my kids during my ex's parenting time, but they'd eat with me at my house. In general any extras I provided were almost always on my terms. This led to them staying with me most of the time and eventually set me up with a solid case for full custody. Guess my point is to consider your goals and plan strategically. My goal was to provide a stable home for the kids more than 50% of the time.
/r/Divorce_Men26/10/22 03:29 PM
3

I'd fight it if it's worth the money to do so. I ran into something similar with bonuses... basically I had to pay a percentage of bonuses, profit sharing, and other extra income as child support. My ex wanted those payouts to continue as alimony when my CS obligation ended. This was on top of the alimony I was already paying. Long story short I never paid a dime of it as alimony.
/r/Divorce_Men26/10/22 02:41 PM
6

I am not interested in another relationship so I don’t want to have to rely on another relationship for a sense of self worth. Relying on other people for a sense of self worth is never a good idea and if that's your idea of a relationship, then you're doing it wrong. Learning to be happy with yourself and keeping your own company is a smart move IMO.
/r/Divorce_Men25/10/22 02:59 PM
3

Almost every time someone has suggested "keeping the lawyers out of it" before proceeding to rush to an agreement on a potentially questionable deal, that person was trying to fuck me over. Approach the divorce as you would a new business contract or as if being sued. Pay a lawyer for an hour or two to review your case and proposed settlement. Your wife doesn't have to know you're doing this and there's a very good chance she has already consulted with a lawyer.
/r/Divorce_Men24/10/22 07:54 PM
1

Dating your wife post-divorce shouldn't affect anything as long you don't knock her up. I don't understand why one would go through the trouble of divorcing if the goal is to stay together and date afterwards. A legal separation might be a good approach for you.. just be sure you understand how this works in your state before committing to the idea (i.e. talk to a local attorney about it). Legal separation is effectively a divorce in the state in which I filed. The ex and I settled everything (c…
/r/Divorce_Men24/10/22 07:21 PM
3

If you're doing your part and it's never good enough for her then fuck that... especially with a dead bedroom situation. Life is too short IMO.
/r/Divorce_Men24/10/22 07:02 PM
0

Wth is a DB situation? Based on what you've written here, it sounds like your wife is (or believes she is) pulling the majority of the weight around the house. I mean if she has to tell you to take out trash, load the dishwasher, sweep the floor, etc when those things clearly need doing, then I don't blame her for giving you hell about it. I fight the same battle with my teen aged children.
/r/Divorce_Men24/10/22 03:11 PM
1

What prompted the divorced to begin with?
/r/Divorce_Men24/10/22 02:57 PM
2

I feel I am being intentionally left out and this is a bad example to send to our kiddo on how to treat people There's a lot of context missing here, but based on what you've shared, yes, you are wrong. Sounds like you're upset because you can't have birthday cake with your ex wife and her boyfriend and you're using "what's best for the kids" as an excuse to be an asshole to your ex. I'm gonna go out on a limb and assume that you haven't been divorced for very long? If that's the case, then lear…
/r/Divorce_Men23/10/22 05:25 PM
1

There's no way in hell I'd do something like this, but my ex is an untrustworthy moron.
/r/Divorce_Men22/10/22 03:05 AM
3

Why haven't you filed for divorce man?
/r/Divorce_Men22/10/22 03:01 AM
3

My first lawyer came highly recommended via word of mouth believe or not... He was a lazy fucking scum bag. I found the second one by researching divorce cases from the state and county in which I divorced. This info was freely available to me because all divorce cases in said state & county are public record and accessible online(no idea how that works in NJ). Once I had a list of lawyers based on that, I started scheduling appointments. The second one I interviewed was retained almost immediat…
/r/Divorce_Men21/10/22 06:51 PM
1

Hate to say it but it kinda sounds like she's got you where she wants you. Stop taking legal advice from her and if she's in violation of a (separation?) agreement, then take her ass to court. Have you done any background research on the men she's bringing around your child? Do you know for fact that her partner has done jail time and if so what crimes he's been convicted? You'll likely have to build a rock solid case before a court will consider changing custody. Don't focus only on proving how…
/r/Divorce_Men21/10/22 06:26 PM
3

Lawyers are out to make money, but I do not believe that all of them are inherently bad humans. My first lawyer was garbage and I wasted around $20k on him. My second one was pretty damn good. Sounds like you've either had some really bad luck picking them or you expectations are unreasonable. Perhaps sharing more info about your case and experiences with lawyers would help us to better understand your situation.
/r/Divorce_Men21/10/22 06:00 PM
3

It means she's moved on. It's normal for people to remove pictures of their ex's(and stbx's) from social media, walls, coffee tables, etc. It's also normal to be curious about what she's up to, but keeping tabs is horrible for your mental health and will delay healing. Stop creeping her social media.
/r/Divorce_Men19/10/22 05:52 PM
1

Dude you're not even divorced and have been dating this person for only 6 weeks... and you think it's a good idea to introduce your young children to this woman? Stop and think about why you're itching to do this. Are you just trying to get a rise out of or get back at your wife? Be honest with yourself. Your kids should always come first.
/r/Divorce_Men18/10/22 03:55 PM
1

Absolutes are rarely reflective of reality. Your post says more about you than the world around you. This is no different than the women who claim that "all men are controlling, cheating, assholes".
/r/Divorce_Men15/10/22 04:35 PM
2

How long ago did this happen and has the divorce been finalized? Focus on yourself and your children. They need you. Get yourself into therapy if you can swing it. It's not a silver bullet, but can certainly help you gain perspective and develop a coping strategy. I'm curious to know how 50/50 custody works since she lives 3 hours away... I'm assuming your children aren't yet school-aged? As for your wife's due reward... People who make shitty life choices usually end up with shit in life. No ma…
/r/Divorce_Men10/10/22 11:44 PM
8

You're playing it smart by keeping things under wraps until you have your ducks in a row. Are you planning to discuss divorce with an attorney? If not, then that's your first mistake considering you make significantly more than your wife and have children with her.
/r/Divorce_Men10/10/22 11:17 PM
2

Is the divorce really that negotiable? Yes, if you settle out of court.
/r/Divorce_Men10/10/22 12:53 AM
25

I will end up paying Alimony (and it's the right thing to do) Huh? The right thing to do is for your wife to get a job and support herself like most other adults. Also alimony laws vary from state to state so my experience with it is probably of no value to you. Make damn sure you understand alimony laws in Texas before signing anything.
/r/Divorce_Men10/10/22 12:06 AM
1

You tell him that he has 5 business days to get a court date booked and to stop responding to her bullshit. This would also get your wife's attention and she might be more inclined to settle. Of course only do this if you're comfortable with taking it to court.
/r/Divorce_Men09/10/22 11:38 PM
1

Did your wife run off with another man/woman(romantic partner)? An affair probably won't affect the outcome of your divorce directly, but it could have significant impact on your post-divorce spousal support obligation. What does NJ law say about cohabitation as it relates to alimony? The state where I divorced is silent on the matter, but the courts there allow flexibility in language around alimony terms, conditions, etc. For example, my decree says I can terminate alimony if my ex-wife remarr…
/r/Divorce_Men08/10/22 06:53 PM
36

These seem like bait questions but I'll bite anyway. I was married for 16 years and have been divorced for ~4. My ex is a piece of shit human and I was aware of (but in denial about) this long before my divorce happened. That's on me. I don't think all women are shit because my ex- wife is a piece of shit. I've learned more about people(including myself) in the last 3 years than at any other point of my adult life. I believe true connections are hard to come by because of the combined issues of …
/r/Divorce_Men08/10/22 06:22 PM
1

Why would you have to pay CS? It sounds like you're on the path to gaining full custody. Did any of the lawyers mention this? Did they mention anything about status quo as it relates to custody? If not, then I'd keep shopping lawyers.
/r/Divorce_Men08/10/22 05:17 PM
5

LOL I'm sure she does want spousal support. Stop talking to her. I've never heard of anyone having to pay alimony after a six month marriage. Stranger things have happened I suppose, but this shouldn't be an issue for you unless you agree to pay it(so don't do that). I'd probably go ahead and file and get a court date scheduled ASAP.
/r/Divorce_Men08/10/22 04:56 PM
4

Your situation is very different than most considering that your wife abandoned the marriage/family and moved abroad. Do you have contact with her? Do you know where in the world she is? My point is that you might be able to get a favourable default judgement without having to relocate. A 30-60 minute chat with a lawyer in your area would be cheaper and less disruptive than moving halfway across the country. That said, I've always heard that TX doesn't award alimony. No idea if this is true or n…
/r/Divorce_Men07/10/22 11:45 PM
3

I offered first pick of furniture and other household belongings in exchange for her waiving rights to equity and signing a quitclaim deed. She took nearly everything... which was only worth about 1/3 of her share of equity. I was planning on replacing most or all of the shit after the divorce anyway. A person in your position (breadwinner, you have children, etc) needs actual legal advice from an attorney that is familiar with family law in your state and the courts in your jurisdiction. You're…
/r/Divorce_Men07/10/22 05:26 PM
2

Block her or stop using social media until you've healed.
/r/Divorce_Men07/10/22 05:05 PM
2

Thinking post-divorce and assuming you end up with 50/50... Is there chance your ex would be willing to leave your son with you during her parenting time? Say when she's busy working, traveling, playing? My ex got in the habit of leaving the kids with me and they were staying with me 80% of the time or more after the first year following the divorce. I would encourage my ex to leave them with me, never complained about it, and made sure the kids knew they were always welcome at my(their) home. M…
/r/Divorce_Men06/10/22 01:56 AM
6

Nope, not wrong. I've been divorced for several years and still won't/don't pal around with my ex. Things might be different if she'd ended the marriage differently.
/r/Divorce_Men06/10/22 01:08 AM
3

If she's refusing to meet at the designated exchange location then meet with your lawyer to discuss taking it to court.
/r/Divorce_Men03/10/22 09:42 PM
42

Hitting on people while they're working is generally considered poor form... especially if they work a public facing job that requires them to smile and be nice to customers. If you must, then give her your number and keep it low pressure. Do not put her on the spot. For the love of god do not bring her a box of chocolates lol.
/r/Divorce_Men03/10/22 08:43 PM
2

You didn't provide much information about the marriage and divorce, but sounds like you haven't healed and still have feelings for her. Go no contact if you don't have children with her. Stop giving her money unless it's court ordered. Tell your lawyer to get a court date scheduled if your stbx (she is not your ex until the divorce is finalized) is dragging feet to prevent the divorce from moving forward.
/r/Divorce_Men03/10/22 08:35 PM
1

I'm always brutally honest with my brother and he's the same with me... even when the truth is dog shit ugly and painful to hear. Would it be possible for the two of you to get away for a private chat? Knock the piss out of him once you get him alone then tell him why you think he's being a cunt. I'm kidding. Seriously though... try to have an open and honest conversation with him when kids, ex wives, etc aren't present. Sounds like you both might benefit from expressing grievances.
/r/Divorce_Men30/09/22 07:08 PM
1

It can be advantageous to pay it down before divorce in some situations. I got stuck with 100% of the marital debt and about 2/3 of the income with which to pay it. Having joint accounts for things like auto loans can be pita as well.
/r/Divorce_Men30/09/22 03:55 AM
1

You'll go crazy trying to figure this shit out. Consult with an attorney and find out what divorce would look like. Keep it on the down-low until you decide how to proceed.
/r/Divorce_Men30/09/22 03:30 AM
2

Get out while you're young. You don't need her permission. I hope you did not adopt her children.
/r/Divorce_Men25/09/22 05:03 PM
2

What steps have you taken to get a divorce? Doesn't sound like you pushed it much past leaving your wife. Most people won't date separated people (and for good reason). Clean up your existing mess before creating a new one.
/r/Divorce_Men25/09/22 04:53 PM
1

I'd ask my lawyer for their opinion and some case law to back it up.
/r/Divorce_Men23/09/22 10:57 PM
1

I paid it via state clearinghouse for a rock solid paper trail.
/r/Divorce_Men23/09/22 10:54 PM
1

How long have you been dating and is this the first time the topic of marriage has come up in conversation? Just curious. I always make it clear upfront that I'm in no rush to get married or cohabit and end a relationship if\when challenged over either of these things. I also end it once patterns of shitty behaviour emerge (such as ultimatums).
/r/Divorce_Men23/09/22 10:51 PM
3

She threatened with a lawyer too There's a very good chance she has already spoken with a lawyer and you should do the same. Don't get baited into arguments. Don't reveal your thoughts and plans on separating. In general don't speak to her about separation/divorce unless directed to do so by your lawyer.
/r/Divorce_Men23/09/22 04:16 PM
6

Not really. She'll dial up the friendliness when she needs something from me (usually money), but has never out-and-out attempted to "come back".
/r/Divorce_Men23/09/22 01:44 AM
4

Plus I feel like isnt being agreeable and flexible the easiest option overall? Easiest for who and at what cost? Honestly it sounds like you postponed healing and now it's biting you in the ass. Give yourself time to heal. You can set a good example for your son by having strong boundaries AND being a good co-parent. Also FWIW you're probably going to have a hard time with future relationships if your spending time house sitting for and having pizza parties with your ex-wife.
/r/Divorce_Men22/09/22 04:19 PM
1

No, it depends on where you live. It's cut and dried in some jurisdictions and murky as hell in others. Typically people address alimony modification/termination in their decree. Then there's proving an ex is cohabiting... which can be a major PITA.
/r/Divorce_Men21/09/22 09:22 PM
1

Orr you can go total opposite and do what I do - throw the bitch on the bed and fuck the living piss out of her Riiight. That is exactly how one takes charge of the situation while going through divorce. Get out of here with that shit.
/r/Divorce_Men21/09/22 08:58 PM
1

I hear you. My ex attempted the same... endless settlement counter-offers and conference calls with attorneys. Getting a court date scheduled put an end to this nonsense for me. I'm not saying this works in every situation, but might be something to consider. Anyway good luck and keep us posted.
/r/Divorce_Men21/09/22 08:38 PM
1

Why has the case been in limbo for a year? Best of luck to you.
/r/Divorce_Men21/09/22 06:44 PM
1

Weightlifting and hitting the heavy bag usually works for me.
/r/Divorce_Men21/09/22 06:32 PM
3

I was able to terminate alimony a few months after my ex shacked up with a boyfriend. My decree included cohabitation as a condition for ending alimony. All said and done this involved my lawyer, a private investigator, and a bit of online research/data collection. The PI provided ~2 months of scheduled dedicated surveillance and captured some pretty damning video evidence via creative pretexting/social engineering. Your biggest challenge will be proving cohabitation...some states stick with the…
/r/Divorce_Men21/09/22 05:18 PM
1

Pull yourself together and find a good lawyer. You probably should move back into the marital home ASAP unless you're cool with getting owned by your stbx in terms of custody and child support. Make sure to bring this up during the consultation. Whether or not she is cheating won't matter to the court unless you live in a state where infidelity is a factor in alimony decisioning. Others have mentioned hiring a PI to find out if she's cheating, but this could be a waste of time and money. That ki…
/r/Divorce_Men19/09/22 09:01 PM
2

I could not agree more with this! Very well said.
/r/Divorce_Men19/09/22 01:18 PM
2

This wasn't included in my parenting plan because it's not supported/enforced by courts in my jurisdiction.
/r/Divorce_Men19/09/22 01:14 PM
3

You're unlikely to get 60% unless your stbx agrees to it. Weekly rotation isn't that bad IMO. Use the downtime to recharge so that you can give it 100% when the kids are with you. My kids gradually started spending more and more time at my place because their mother worked late and would spend most of her free-time going out/partying. I made it clear that the kids were always welcome at my place and they(including the stbx) took me up on it! Funny how that works. Before all was said and done the…
/r/Divorce_Men16/09/22 09:45 PM
4

You do have a lawyer, right? Search the web for common parenting plans and custody schedules... there are only so many ways one can slice a parenting schedule. Every other week was fine for my kids and me, but I work from home and have a lot of flexibility with my schedule so pretty much anything would've worked for me. I think my kids preferred a weekly rotation because they weren't constantly in-flight between homes. I suggest going with whatever is best for your kids and works for you. I'm no…
/r/Divorce_Men16/09/22 09:24 PM
1

Agreed. Access to the student portal is granted by the student in my experience (ex is completely out of the loop).
/r/Divorce_Men16/09/22 01:42 AM
1

So what are some things I need to ask the lawyer? Just share what you wrote here and be clear about the outcome you desire. I've heard folks say things like "Texas isn't an alimony state". I have no idea if this true or not, but I'd always heard the same about the state where I divorced and it turned out to be completely false. There are no alimony laws on the books there, but alimony is very much a thing. Wouldn't hurt to ask the lawyer about how it works in Texas IMO.
/r/Divorce_Men15/09/22 03:41 AM
1

OP's life has been turned upside-down and he's in crisis mode... quite possibly about to make some of the most important decisions of his life... and your advice is to binge watch some fucking charlatan that makes his living preying on desperate men? Great fucking advice. OP - Find a good lawyer and file for a divorce then do as instructed by your attorney. Get yourself into therapy if you can - do this for your children if nothing else.
/r/Divorce_Men12/09/22 09:48 PM
17

Listen to these guys. Parenting time is usually defined by the number of overnight visits. If doesn't matter if your child spends time with you during the day. It doesn't matter if your stbx is being nice. It doesn't matter if you're playing nice with your stbx. It doesn't matter if your stbx has verbally agreed to 50/50 parenting time. If your child is staying most or all nights with stbx and you allow this to happen for long enough(status quo) , then you're probably going to have one hell of t…
/r/Divorce_Men12/09/22 04:36 PM
1

Good suggestion but the court won't approve/enforce in some jurisdictions. A decent lawyer should be able to help navigate with creative language, if necessary.
/r/Divorce_Men07/09/22 06:58 PM
1

I think what your ex is doing is pretty common considering how the marriage ended (that is abruptly, she was probably cheating, etc). She is delusional and may or may not ever "snap out of it". The people that matter most in life know the real you and can see through her facade. Fuck everyone else.
/r/Divorce_Men06/09/22 09:47 PM
1

"Source" is random TikTok video? I'm not buying it.
/r/Divorce_Men06/09/22 09:25 PM
1

I don't know how it works in PA, but in my home state child support can be significantly higher for the parent on the short end of a lopsided custody arrangement. Spousal support is also negotiable in my state(i.e. there are no calculators, charts, etc). That said, I paid attorneys to "fight" for 50/50 and to keep SS negotiations out of the ditch... plus managing all the common bullshit necessary to actually get divorced(various filings, discoveries, etc).
/r/Divorce_Men01/09/22 06:44 PM
15

IMO she is going to steam roll you(even though you appear to have a lot of leverage) unless you lawyer up and stop pissing away your bargaining chips(alimony, her 401k, etc). Your next steps should be to a) stop discussing the divorce with her and b) start interviewing lawyers. Also keep the conversation focused on the business end of the divorce when you're talking to attorneys. Find a therapist for emotional support. And man... radio silence... seriously stop talking to her. Don't tell her you…
/r/Divorce_Men27/08/22 11:46 PM
3

I stumbled across several months worth of comms from her social media accounts and other incriminating info from her Google account. Of course she never fessed up to anything... even when confronted with the evidence. Did this impact the outcome of divorce? No. Was it worth it to me? Yes, because I know the truth.
/r/Divorce_Men24/08/22 07:51 PM
1

I once knew a lawyer who'd bill for time spent thinking about a case while sitting on the shitter or taking a shower. Request an itemized list of costs from your attorney.
/r/Divorce_Men21/08/22 11:19 PM
1

What says your lawyer?
/r/Divorce_Men21/08/22 11:10 PM
1

Work with her to come up with a reasonable holiday schedule (there are many examples of this online) and fall back on the official parenting plan as needed.
/r/Divorce_Men21/08/22 10:57 PM
1

All of my replacements (except for maybe one) have been losers. I don't stalk the ex or her boyfriends on socm, etc, but i do background check the people she brings into my daughter's life. Be prepared for her to hit you up when shit hits rock bottom.
/r/Divorce_Men19/08/22 08:15 PM
2

Are you on the loan for the Tesla? If so, is she going to refinance it?
/r/Divorce_Men19/08/22 08:07 PM
1

So why not just date and enjoy the frequent sex while it lasts? Then move on to something new when the sex dries up. I'm just saying that (IMO) sex is absolutely not a good reason for getting married.... especially for a second or third time.
/r/Divorce_Men19/08/22 07:16 PM
5

Marriage does not guarantee a steady supply of good sex or sex(period).
/r/Divorce_Men18/08/22 02:45 PM
2

Stop fucking around and hire a lawyer. Your stbx will go ape shit regardless of how or when she finds out about the divorce. Saving money by going with a cheap or no lawyer will cost you in the long run. Also consider ditching the girlfriend (if you have one) until the divorce has been finalized.
/r/Divorce_Men17/08/22 09:37 PM
1

IF we were to divorce what are the odds that this can come back to hurt her and chances for alimony, etc? None if it wasn't witnessed and/or wasn't reported to authorities.
/r/Divorce_Men16/08/22 03:24 PM
3

Is there another woman in the picture?
/r/Divorce_Men14/08/22 04:42 PM
1

Passive hatred - meaning I do not think about how I feel about my ex unless/until someone asks me how I feel about her.
/r/Divorce_Men09/08/22 07:08 PM
2

I'm assuming you haven't been married for long and have no children or significant assets... It only takes one to divorce so it does not matter how she feels about it. Instruct your lawyer to schedule a hearing ASAP then cut all contact with her and sit back and wait for the court date. There's a good chance she'll settle before this date arrives. Secure your valuable or sentimental possessions by placing them in storage or leaving them with a relative/friend until the divorce is over. My brothe…
/r/Divorce_Men09/08/22 06:56 PM
3

My experience was similar to yours. My ex was super cooperative in the beginning phases of the divorce. It's like she created this weird imaginary world where divorce was a good thing for all involved and she'd continue living a pampered life while spending most of her time with the asshole she cheated with. Was so bizarre. Her attitude changed when she realized how custody affects child support. The craziest part is how quickly and thoroughly she "villainized" me once she decided to go for bloo…
/r/Divorce_Men05/08/22 09:07 PM
1

Sounds like she's basically gifting you physical custody. Explain your situation to a lawyer and tell them that you want to get custody buttoned up ASAP before your stbx changes her mind. Seriously don't fuck around with unofficial agreements here. She will "come to her senses" once the new relationship falls apart and you will probably become the focus of her frustrations then. Do not make your home the official meeting place for her parenting time... at least not in writing. This might seem wo…
/r/Divorce_Men05/08/22 05:09 PM
1

What more does one need?
/r/Divorce_Men04/08/22 02:23 PM
1

I'm guessing the divorce has been dragging on for over a year. Why?
/r/Divorce_Men02/08/22 09:52 PM
2

At least you didn't get stuck with her debt too(I ended up with 100% of marital debt). Sounds like a short marriage and I'm assuming you're relatively young. Write it off as an expensive life lesson and start rebuilding the perfect life for yourself... then be extremely selective about who you let into your life going forward.
/r/Divorce_Men30/07/22 05:09 PM
6

Not really sure what is being asked here. You sound like the male version of my ex wife. Give your wife an easy divorce then leave her alone so she can move on with life. People divorce and remain active in kids lives all the time. This sometimes requires more effort post-divorce, but that's what good parents do, right?
/r/Divorce_Men30/07/22 05:04 PM
1

I think it depends on how(and why) the divorce went down tbh.
/r/Divorce_Men29/07/22 03:05 PM
2

I make it clear upfront that marriage is not an option and end the relationship if it ever comes up again. Easy peasy.
/r/Divorce_Men28/07/22 06:42 PM
1

I would agree! The toxic trophy gf is a definite nope. That just has train wreck written all over it. You'll be posting a sob story on this sub some day down the road if you pursue starting a family with this woman. Might be a good idea to read some of the stories here btw. The average looking nice woman is a no-go if you are not attracted to her. If physical attraction is important to you, then it's important to you. Simple as that. Don't let anyone convince you otherwise. Nuke your current bab…
/r/Divorce_Men27/07/22 11:03 PM
1

Yep. Picking up on low-key red flags isn't always easy, but this gets easier with practice. If something doesn't seem right with a person/relationship, then it probably isn't. End it and move on to the next adventure.
/r/Divorce_Men27/07/22 09:52 PM
5

Can't tell if this is a serious post or not. You've described some major red flags and you're wondering if breeding with this person is a good idea? The fact that you're relationship has been in a years long perpetual on/off cycle should be screaming "run!" tbh. If looks is all she brings to the table, then it's 100% not worth it... That is been my experience. You'll end up paying a premium with very little in return in the long run. Looks fade too. What will she contribute to the relationship w…
/r/Divorce_Men27/07/22 06:16 PM
0

No, this turns them into backpack kids and leads to parents bickering about what stays where. I disagree. Not allowing favorite toys, electronics, musical instruments, etc to flow between homes just shows them that their parents are petty assholes.
/r/Divorce_Men25/07/22 01:36 AM
5

Nice man. Your kids could eventually join you on the slopes and/or trail. For me it was concerts and bodybuilding. I gave these things up for ~16 years while married and enjoy them more nowadays than I ever could've imagined in my 20s.
/r/Divorce_Men25/07/22 01:04 AM
1

Is this really how people do this? No, not usually IMO. The right way of doing is to allow the kids to take their belongings between homes as they please (within reason obviously).
/r/Divorce_Men25/07/22 12:42 AM
1

Service of process is all the heads-up she needs IMO. Telling her in advance won't earn you brownie points and will not prevent a blow-up.
/r/Divorce_Men25/07/22 12:27 AM
5

What kind of stuff did you enjoy before having kids and getting married?
/r/Divorce_Men25/07/22 12:04 AM
1

Big mistake. You're setting yourself up for disappointment and possibly to be used by your ex. Is solitude really that insufferable for you? You should be focused on figuring out why and fixing that before even considering dating IMO. If one of those Tinder dates had worked out, would you still be meeting up with your ex for cuddles? You're not over your ex. Dating will go more smoothly once you get past that.
/r/Divorce_Men24/07/22 06:07 PM
1

I take it that custody isn't very high on the priority list?
/r/Divorce_Men20/07/22 10:05 PM
2

Take some time to find a good lawyer and develop an exit strategy. A lot of guys do not have this luxury (time to plan) so use it wisely.
/r/Divorce_Men20/07/22 06:21 PM
2

She sounds like a real piece of work and IMO you're 100% in the right for divorcing this nasty wastrel. For sure dig in and fight for 50/50 if that's your priority (as it should be IMO), but don't neglect other areas of the divorce by rolling over or caving to unreasonable demands. Best of luck to you.
/r/Divorce_Men20/07/22 06:16 PM
8

Not no, but hell no. I'm guessing you do not have a lawyer?
/r/Divorce_Men18/07/22 02:16 AM
6

I was able to terminate alimony after a 3 week surveillance operation. The PI captured video of the ex stating when she moved into her BFs apartment and a video of her admitting that he is her boyfriend. These things along with three weeks of photo evidence of her car being at the apartment overnight most of the time was all it took for me. The state I divorced in has almost nothing on the books regarding alimony and(based on case law) seems to go with dictionary definition of cohabitation when …
/r/Divorce_Men16/07/22 10:21 PM
2

I'd stop pussyfooting around and get it to court ASAP. Get it done and move on. That's just me though.
/r/Divorce_Men13/07/22 08:42 PM
1

You won't get a whole lot of info from a free consultation tbh. At best you'll walk away with child support numbers and a general idea of overall outcome of an uncontested divorce. You might be instructed to take immediate action depending on the circumstances around the marriage/divorce. The lawyer will probably spend half the time going over your rights, explaining the divorce process, and pitching his/her services. They'll need to know about your financials, whether or not children are involv…
/r/Divorce_Men08/07/22 07:28 PM
1

Yes, it is possible to settle divorce out of court. The vast majority of divorces are done this way. The process/laws/requirements vary by state so do not attempt to navigate without a lawyer. And not to be a downer, but a lot of divorces seem to start amicably and end up going to shit before all is said and done. My ex was like your wife at first and then she got greedy. Point being - It does not matter what you and your wife agree to between the two of you. A signed agreement/decree from the c…
/r/Divorce_Men08/07/22 06:40 PM
4

My divorce was finalized a few years ago. She opened the CC accounts and used them before the divorce was filed. I was unaware of the debt until the divorce was in progress.
/r/Divorce_Men08/07/22 12:35 AM
1

Divorce cases are public record where I divorced... and it's pretty much all out there for anyone to see (which is bullshit). I do a lot of work with OSINT and court record accessibility varies by jurisdiction. At least that's been my experience.
/r/Divorce_Men07/07/22 11:47 PM
2

LOL good for the guys that experienced this. Divorce probably shaved a few years off my life, if I'm being honest.
/r/Divorce_Men07/07/22 11:42 PM
16

Check your credit report if you're not already on top of that... and check hers too, if possible. My ex was hemorrhaging money shortly before the divorce and turns out she was spending more than only cash. She'd taken out a couple of credit cards in her name (using my income) and racked up about $30k on them. I had no idea. I got stuck with all marital debt as a reward for being a loving, breadwinning husband to a stay at home "princess"... $50k in total not counting auto loans & mortgage.
/r/Divorce_Men07/07/22 11:38 PM
2

Good for you, sir! You're much better off without shitty people in your life. Might take some time to see this for yourself, but it is true. Best of luck to you.
/r/Divorce_Men07/07/22 11:19 PM
1

Holy hell let the ring go and send the refund money. Be thankful you did not lose your ass in the divorce and move on. My ex pulled the "surprise! I want a divorce" routine a few days before our 16 year anniversary and during the holiday season. Some people are just assholes. Such is life.
/r/Divorce_Men07/07/22 08:20 PM
1

I can not relate, but have been on the receiving end of being blind sided by divorce 16 years into an otherwise seemingly good/normal/functional marriage. Have this conversation with your spouse instead of internet strangers!
/r/Divorce_Men07/07/22 08:00 PM
1

This is how I ended up doing it. I sent a final text and email "warning" then curbed her shit a couple of weeks later (I put stuff that might be meaningful to the kids in storage). It's been three years and I haven't heard another word about it.
/r/Divorce_Men07/07/22 05:55 PM
1

You might be able to access your kids' grades, report cards, etc online. Have you contacted the school? As for your ex's behaviour - Set your expectations to zero. Communicate the important things to her then move on.. if she can't communicate like an adult then it's her problem. My ex went through phases with this type of nonsense... Silent treatment most of the time with occasional requests for favours in between (usually asking for money or seeking emotion support). If your divorce isn't fina…
/r/Divorce_Men06/07/22 12:52 AM
1

Also "Athletic/Muscular" LOL.
/r/Divorce_Men06/07/22 12:07 AM
11

Bullshit. The events described in the linked "article" make no sense. Don't fall for scams like this guys.
/r/Divorce_Men06/07/22 12:05 AM
1

So, once you agreed with your wife on the terms, you had your lawyer write the decree of separate? Yes, that's basically how it worked for me. My ex was being extremely unreasonable in the early phase of settlement negotiations and I wasted time and money working offers, counter offers, etc through the lawyers. I should have pushed for a temporary hearing after the first ridiculous counter offer. I did eventually go that direction and like magic she settled a few days before the hearing. A loomi…
/r/Divorce_Men02/07/22 05:41 AM
2

I divorced in a state that requires an 18 month separation (for no-fault divorce). I took the legal separation route and the decree of separate maintenance included language that allowed the legal separation to be "converted to" a divorce after the 18 month waiting period. The decree of separate maintenance covered everything such as custody, parenting plan, property division, etc. It was effectively divorce minus legally being divorced. My ex moved out once this was in place then I filed for(an…
/r/Divorce_Men01/07/22 06:40 AM
1

I accepted my part of the blame in all of it No. No. No. There are plenty of ways to end a relationship properly and cheating isn't one of them. If you do not have children with this person, then block her and never look back.
/r/Divorce_Men28/06/22 09:58 PM
3

$2-$3k of hidden credit card debt might be forgivable... but $50k?? Hell no! You realize that her cc debt is also your cc debt, right? I would divorce over this alone. Does your wife work?
/r/Divorce_Men26/06/22 06:15 PM
1

The problem with that is I would also ruin her life. She would ruin her life. Jail time and losing access to your child would consequences of attacking you.
/r/Divorce_Men25/06/22 11:36 PM
24

Wanna pay my mortgage too?
/r/Divorce_Men25/06/22 04:46 AM
1

Why has your divorce lasted for over a year? Do you have a court date? Tell your lawyer to stop responding to that nonsense.
/r/Divorce_Men25/06/22 04:45 AM
12

You sound hung up on your ex. Move on with life.
/r/Divorce_Men25/06/22 04:42 AM
1

So your wife doesn't work, doesn't want to work, and wants you to move out. Who do you think will be expected to fund all of this? Schedule some time with an experienced lawyer before moving forward. Any agreements made outside of court won't mean jack shit if either of you decide to renege later. Cutting access to money could motivate her to seek employment, but be ready for a shit show the moment you do this. Don't move out and seriously talk to a lawyer asap. Now is not the time to be cheap, …
/r/Divorce_Men24/06/22 09:04 PM
1

You're missing the point. I'm suggesting that you not use divorce or other legal measures to "punish" your wife or to clear your name. Suing your wife for defamation would be a costly and fruitless endeavor. It'd be better to focus on divorcing efficiently and getting the best possible outcome for you and your children. You cannot do either of these things effectively if there's an axe to grind. Also consider taking steps to protect yourself from serious accusations that could actually wreck you…
/r/Divorce_Men22/06/22 09:34 PM
1

You could pursue at-fault divorce, but this would probably only make things more costly and complicated than they have to be and would provide little or no benefit to you. This might seem like yet another shit sandwich to stomach, but you have to think long game here. I would be more concerned with the fact that your wife is willing to lie at scale in order to hurt you or "win" the divorce. Speak with your lawyer about this and what you should do to protect yourself in case she decides to turn i…
/r/Divorce_Men22/06/22 06:05 PM
4

My ex dodged a few times as an attempt to delay a hearing to terminate alimony.
/r/Divorce_Men21/06/22 11:54 PM
2

Very nice! lmao
/r/Divorce_Men21/06/22 11:53 PM
15

Fellow POS here lol. You have to learn to ignore the ex when she's being unreasonable. Don't engage in the name calling, don't defend yourself... just ignore her. It gets much easier.
/r/Divorce_Men21/06/22 11:52 PM
1

That's a tough situation. What's your lawyer's take on it?
/r/Divorce_Men21/06/22 11:48 PM
1

Get a PO box
/r/Divorce_Men20/06/22 12:41 AM
1

Legal separation worked for me.
/r/Divorce_Men20/06/22 12:37 AM
2

So you're not divorced and there is no court ordered parenting plan?
/r/Divorce_Men18/06/22 05:31 PM
3

Talk numbers with your lawyer first then meet with your wife. If you do have have the conversation with her, then don't agree to shit, don't say anything stupid, and don't tip your hand. I would view this as an opportunity to learn more about her intentions... bonus if it the discussion actually leads to a peaceable outcome.
/r/Divorce_Men17/06/22 09:01 PM
3

I was paying close to $3k per month in CS and alimony(50/50 parenting time) to a cheating ex at one point so I know how you feel. I suppose one positive is that you're not paying alimony. Remember that child support is for your children. Frame it that way mentally and try not to think about it beyond that. I eventually ended up with full custody and will be terminating alimony soon. I say this not to gloat.. just pointing out that I was in your shoes a short time ago and shit can and will get be…
/r/Divorce_Men16/06/22 08:56 PM
3

I dropped (or was dropped by) several "friends" after the divorce. Fuck em life has been better without them.
/r/Divorce_Men15/06/22 06:36 PM
3

Online/DIY divorce won't work if she decides to dig her heels in on alimony. Might be cheaper to pay a lump sum if it comes to that (considering the short duration of marriage)... Even if it's determined that she's not entitled to alimony. Just pointing out that fighting it could be more expensive than simply paying her off. Also just FWIW... I was an honourable, honest, and caring husband for nearly two decades, but according to my ex I was/am the most controlling, manipulative, and lying POS o…
/r/Divorce_Men14/06/22 10:04 PM
2

I feel sorry for your brother and the cat(and I'm not even a cat person).
/r/Divorce_Men13/06/22 11:30 PM
1

Beach, arcades, and lunch sounds like a perfect father's day outing to me! Embrace the freedom and enjoy building new traditions with your daughter.
/r/Divorce_Men13/06/22 11:23 PM
3

I hope you did not adopt her children. Get out while your sanity is still intact and/or before she finds some excuse to stop working. Any time a woman shows this level of disrespect then the relationship is over (or was never actually "a thing"). I learned this the hard way. Best of luck to you.
/r/Divorce_Men13/06/22 11:16 PM
3

Cut her out of your life completely and thank the gods that you do have children with this person.
/r/Divorce_Men12/06/22 03:30 AM
1

What the hell are you blabbing about?
/r/Divorce_Men11/06/22 04:51 PM
1

Unethical? How?
/r/Divorce_Men11/06/22 04:49 PM
4

what if she stabs him to death? Then the cheating got him stabbed.
/r/Divorce_Men11/06/22 05:21 AM
5

She's tipped her hand. Stop trying to contact her and lawyer up.
/r/Divorce_Men11/06/22 12:06 AM
0

An amicable living arrangement does not mean peaceful divorce. OP stated that agreeing on custody and possessions might be difficult and that his STBX is quite content with the current living situation. Sounds pretty volatile to me.
/r/Divorce_Men10/06/22 06:21 PM
3

Maybe call around and talk to different lawyers? You should at least spend and hour or so discussing your case with an attorney and then have them review any documents before you sign. Your STBX doesn't have to know that you're working with a lawyer and it's probably best to keep it quiet as long as she's being agreeable.
/r/Divorce_Men10/06/22 06:09 PM
1

lmfao!
/r/Divorce_Men10/06/22 12:27 AM
2

Start a YT channel dedicated to red pill "philosophy" and PUA "strategies" then prey on vulnerable men that going through divorce.
/r/Divorce_Men09/06/22 03:30 PM
2

You explain it like she's six. Tell her that marriages don't work out sometimes and reassure that you both still love her very much. What else is there to say really?
/r/Divorce_Men09/06/22 02:57 AM
2

Just have to dig in and take things one day at a time. I focused on the kids, odd jobs around the house, and working out whenever I was going through this nonsense. Don't engage in arguments and try to keep the divorce moving forward(don't cave to demands though).
/r/Divorce_Men08/06/22 12:12 AM
2

$750 for a divorce-related consultation and based off a random Reddit review... hard pass. Shop it around.
/r/Divorce_Men07/06/22 11:55 PM
2

I don't think her moving out will matter much if a court ends up dividing assets, but could work against her in terms of custody. This is something you should at least discuss with your lawyer. I was also in the "not worried about custody time" camp initially... that changed very quickly once my ex found how much money she could make by having the kids live with her more than half the time. Women play this card often. As for division of assets... You and the wife can work this (almost) any way y…
/r/Divorce_Men05/06/22 08:46 PM
3

You need a lawyer, not reddit. She had no problem wrecking her first husband's life. What makes you think she won't do the same to yours? There are plenty of lawyers that offer a free consultation. Speak to a few of them. Write down the facts about the relationship as well as any questions and take that with you when you go (and bring something to take notes on while there). Most lawyers will only "give" you a half hour to an hour so make it count.... stick to the facts. Save long-winded emotion…
/r/Divorce_Men04/06/22 07:09 PM
0

lmao!
/r/Divorce_Men04/06/22 02:49 PM
1

Hire a lawyer for fucks sake!
/r/Divorce_Men04/06/22 02:47 PM
2

Interested as long as it's not red pill or mgtow BS disguised as actual family law reform.
/r/Divorce_Men04/06/22 02:09 AM
1

It's possible but depends on the personalities involved. What has actually been discussed? Custody? Support? Property? If you're four months into discussions and not agreeing on major divorce items, then you're probably headed for conflict.
/r/Divorce_Men02/06/22 10:34 PM
1

Your plan is flawed unless your wife is 100% on board with the divorce and you know exactly how things will play out(you do not). Don't move out until a court ordered custody agreement is in place or unless a judge orders you to leave. Don't throw away valuable bargaining chips such as home equity or alimony. Do not date until after you're divorced or legally separated. Do spend an hour or so with a family attorney to develop a realistic exit strategy. Time is on your side. Be patient and use it…
/r/Divorce_Men02/06/22 10:25 PM
1

Who's to say? Some details would help.
/r/Divorce_Men30/05/22 08:32 PM
2

No one can answer this for you. The unwritten rule is to wait at least a year before pursuing serious relationships. The idea is to spend that time processing the failed marriage and working on yourself. You didn't include details about your current mental state, marriage, or circumstances surrounding the divorce. If you're still sorting through ANY feelings related to the marriage/divorce, then a relationship probably won't last... or worse you'll end up "trapped" in a situation worse than the …
/r/Divorce_Men30/05/22 08:26 PM
1

Awesome! Best of luck to you.
/r/Divorce_Men30/05/22 03:11 AM
6

Yep it is absolute hell. Glad you survived it. The real kick in the balls is that many men continue having to pay for the marriage long after it ends. Best of luck to you.
/r/Divorce_Men29/05/22 09:42 PM
4

Start with smaller outings and work up to full blown vacation. That worked for me. I actually look forward to traveling alone nowadays.
/r/Divorce_Men29/05/22 09:30 PM
2

Truth stings doesn't it? Did you come here seeking approval of your decisions? I'd say most guys here are of a "family first" mindset when it comes to their children and most of us have sacrificed many things (including careers) in order to remain in our children's lives. If you're choosing to abandon your children, then at least own your decision and stop trying to spin it. Best of luck to you.
/r/Divorce_Men28/05/22 08:09 PM
3

But wants to stay friends, live together till we're both in a good place to move on This is code speak for "I want to keep you around for some of the perks of being married to you, but I want to date/fuck other men" and/or "I've fallen for someone else but want to have a backup plan(i.e. You) in case it does not work out" Falling for this will only prolong the suffering.
/r/Divorce_Men28/05/22 07:31 PM
3

Again very well put. You're preaching to the choir. Full-time dad of a son and daughter here. The path to full custody for me was a nightmare beginning with the mother's attempts to force me into a every other weekend role during the divorce. I fought for(and won) 50/50 and ended up with full physical custody about a year after the divorce was finalized. "walking away" was never an option and never even entered my mind.
/r/Divorce_Men25/05/22 11:52 PM
1

So let me get this straight.. you abandoned your children because your ex is a raging cunt?
/r/Divorce_Men25/05/22 11:37 PM
3

Very well said but unfortunately posts like this aren't very popular around here. I suppose anything can be justified when it's framed the right way and repeated often enough.
/r/Divorce_Men25/05/22 06:13 PM
1

Can't tell if serious
/r/Divorce_Men23/05/22 11:00 PM
2

Good move IMO. Best of luck to you.
/r/Divorce_Men20/05/22 05:00 PM
3

But for four years? Sounds more like OP hasn't pursued the court route or divorce hasn't been filed (No offense to OP). The point is that if negotiations are going nowhere or not possible, then court is really the only path to forward.
/r/Divorce_Men20/05/22 04:57 PM
7

Agreed. It's amazing how people can magically tap into the ability to think rationally when a court date is looming. OP should get a hearing scheduled ASAP (assuming divorce has even been filed).
/r/Divorce_Men19/05/22 09:03 PM
3

The divorce has been in progress for four years and there's been no divorce hearing? Why?
/r/Divorce_Men19/05/22 08:23 PM
3

It's ok to be angry and to hate your stbx but you really have to consider the long game here. There is no strategic value in pissing off your stbx and doing so could in fact make your divorce more expensive and difficult than necessary (see: cutting off your nose to spite your face). If your stbx is in the thick of an affair then there's a good chance she's looking to get the divorce over with as quickly as possible. Leverage this for an outcome that is favorable to you. As for your kids... They…
/r/Divorce_Men18/05/22 07:03 PM
2

Tell your wife that you found a lawyer that can take care of all the paperwork and process the divorce for both of you, but do not mention that it's actually your lawyer or that they can technically only represent you. Your lawyer will probably take care of the divorce for a flat fee as long as it's uncontested. The problem with this approach is that you and the stbx will have to be 100% on the same page. You'll have to broker a settlement with your wife directly and if you get hung up at any po…
/r/Divorce_Men18/05/22 05:15 PM
1

Stop palling around with "them" and invest in a heavy bag.
/r/Divorce_Men17/05/22 11:31 PM
3

It's her idea. Let her to extend the offer to you via her lawyer. If you're sharing your thoughts, concerns, fears, strategy, etc with the STBX then you need to stop.
/r/Divorce_Men17/05/22 10:03 PM
2

Similar experience here. I ended up with full custody when the ex moved away. Don't agree to removing the geo restriction language and don't add any age activated nonsense. Your offer to her should be something along the lines of you getting full physical custody and maintaining shared legal custody. She gets reasonable and liberal visitation.
/r/Divorce_Men16/05/22 06:58 PM
1

The divorce hasn't been finalized yet you're worrying about not being able to "open up" for a new relationship? Focus on not getting screwed over in the divorce.
/r/Divorce_Men16/05/22 04:37 PM
2

Don't agree to her child support scheme and sell the car if the loan is in your name!
/r/Divorce_Men16/05/22 04:12 PM
1

Were the flowers from your ex husband or from your child?
/r/Divorce_Men12/05/22 05:20 PM
2

What about the issues with the marriage (overstepping in-laws, lack of respect, etc)? What has changed on that front? If the answer is nothing, then you'll just end up on this sub again at some point.
/r/Divorce_Men12/05/22 03:34 PM
1

What exactly has changed except for your feelings towards her?
/r/Divorce_Men12/05/22 03:00 PM
1

Would it be possible for you to settle privately or are you for sure headed to court?
/r/Divorce_Men09/05/22 08:59 PM
7

Tell him to fuck off.
/r/Divorce_Men09/05/22 08:50 PM
2

were?
/r/Divorce_Men09/05/22 08:48 PM
4

All the "let's be friends" talk pisses me off now. Well then send her packing. "let's be friends" = I will use you as needed.
/r/Divorce_Men07/05/22 05:54 PM
2

Welcome to the club.
/r/Divorce_Men05/05/22 09:51 PM
1

Fire the lawyer in the 4th quarter when everything is basically done. What could possibly go wrong?
/r/Divorce_Men05/05/22 07:17 PM
2

Here's what I would do (have done): Take all the extra time you can with the kids, do it with a smile on your face, and document it thoroughly. Give this time to take form and become the norm (6 months or so) then modify custody to reflect reality. Let your lawyer know what you're up to and no one else.
/r/Divorce_Men05/05/22 05:53 PM
3

How does this relate to divorce and divorce-related issues?
/r/Divorce_Men04/05/22 06:40 PM
1

What does your decree say about modifying alimony? Your lawyer should have (at minimum) included verbiage that covers conditions for modification and/or termination of alimony. This is done to address future scenarios involving cohabitation, remarriage, and/or changes in ability to pay. If this isn't spelled out in the decree then cross your fingers, say a prayer, and check the alimony law for your state. Edit: Don't mention anything about your intent to reduce/terminate alimony to your ex (or a…
/r/Divorce_Men03/05/22 10:04 PM
1

I have.
/r/Divorce_Men01/05/22 05:50 PM
4

Use a credit card to cover the initial retainer and be sure to ask for reimbursement of legal fees in the divorce. You don't need permission from your stbx to do this.
/r/Divorce_Men28/04/22 05:05 PM
3

Why is your child living with your ex 100% of the time? Did you have the custody order updated to reflect the new living arrangement?
/r/Divorce_Men26/04/22 10:04 PM
1

Bullshit. Cheating is 100% on the cheater. There are honorable ways to end a marriage. Cheating is not one of them.
/r/Divorce_Men23/04/22 08:40 PM
1

I'm probably older than you and pretty familiar with the "realities of life". I didn't make any unfair statements about or mischaracterize YT content from Greg Adams and company. What exactly do you disagree with? It's interesting how you guys (including aforementioned YT swindlers) have such a problem with criticism. That's a deal breaking red flag in and of itself for most rational thinking people.
/r/Divorce_Men23/04/22 06:18 PM
1

How old is your child?
/r/Divorce_Men19/04/22 03:34 PM
1

Why not change jobs?
/r/Divorce_Men19/04/22 03:31 PM
1

Right there with you man
/r/Divorce_Men18/04/22 09:48 PM
1

Good on you for buckling down and taking care of biz for your kids!
/r/Divorce_Men18/04/22 09:48 PM
3

Sorry man. It's tough now, but you (and kids) will adjust in time.
/r/Divorce_Men18/04/22 09:30 PM
0

There is life outside of Reddit... believe it or not. I spent the weekend hiking & camping with my girlfriend. We even took the dogs. It was great! You should try it sometime! Adams and similar content creators appeal to two types of men IMO... Vulnerable men who are going through divorce (I was one of these temporarily) and red pill stooges who use men's divorce subs and similar forums as a platform for promoting "the cause". One problem with Adams' narrative(and that of other content creators …
/r/Divorce_Men18/04/22 07:14 PM
0

$500/hour is a bit steep. How many lawyers have you talked to?
/r/Divorce_Men16/04/22 08:49 PM
4

Nah. He speaks in half-truths just like every other "red pilled" charlatan on YouTube.
/r/Divorce_Men16/04/22 08:46 PM
3

"I want a divorce" = initiation. afaik this is not a legal concept. It's just a term used to identify the party that wants out of the marriage. The plaintiff is the person that files and officially begins the legal process. My ex blindsided me with her intention to divorce (initiated). For reasons unknown she didn't/wouldn't file for divorce so I ended up doing it (making me the plaintiff in a divorce that I did not want at the time).
/r/Divorce_Men14/04/22 05:36 AM
2

How old are your kids? Just curious because my situation is similar, but I'm a few years into it and my kids are now in their teens. I tried playing the role of super dad, mom, and peacekeeper between kids and their mother for about a year but it really wasn't sustainable or healthy for me or them. I still strive to be the best parent I can be, but no longer sweat the little things or spin my wheels brokering peace between kids and their mom. You'll be a pro at navigating everything before you k…
/r/Divorce_Men14/04/22 05:06 AM
1

A "good" divorce lawyer should have experience with both brokering settlements and going to trial. You want a lawyer that can negotiate, but is also capable of getting sharky if needed. A good divorce attorney will also have experience with the court(s) in your jurisdiction. Think about the desired outcome of the divorce and work backwards. List out specific items of interest and your goals with each then write down any questions that come to mind. Organize the questions by topic (custody, suppo…
/r/Divorce_Men12/04/22 04:54 PM
1

Alimony laws vary by state/jurisdiction. I divorced in a state that doesn't have much on the books in terms of alimony requirements... kind of like you're describing. It's a total joke and makes alimony negotiation and calculation a royal PITA. Consider booking an hour or so with a lawyer that has experience with alimony cases in your area. They should be able to help you determine if you're on the hook for paying and realistic numbers in the event you are. If you do end up paying alimony, be su…
/r/Divorce_Men12/04/22 02:03 AM
1

Leave the kids out of it. What do you have to gain by putting them on the spot? They will eventually bring it up to you and even then you should proceed with care.
/r/Divorce_Men09/04/22 12:09 AM
1

I've seen guys make excuses for not being in their children's lives more often than any of those things you listed above. Which of those things happened to you btw?
/r/Divorce_Men08/04/22 02:34 PM
1

Bullshit. Grow a pair and take care of your children.
/r/Divorce_Men08/04/22 12:16 AM
1

Something tells me she will be back to claim it at a later date.
/r/Divorce_Men07/04/22 11:30 PM
1

I felt like that for the first year or so after the divorce. It's a fading memory at this point and almost seems like it was only a dream. Time will heal you.
/r/Divorce_Men06/04/22 05:38 AM
2

This does not sound like reasonable, mature adult behaviour to me. I think you've dodged a bullet.
/r/Divorce_Men05/04/22 02:18 AM
1

prenups get tossed out all of the time for various reasons. Conscionable and properly executed prenups do not get tossed out all the time.
/r/Divorce_Men01/04/22 09:37 PM
1

Oh you lucky bastard. You've restored my hope! lol
/r/Divorce_Men01/04/22 05:47 PM
1

Stop taking legal advice from your child's mother and hire an attorney.
/r/Divorce_Men01/04/22 05:42 PM
1

Was your wife onboard with being step mom when she was just a girlfriend? Your ex does not have to let you take the kids during her parenting time unless it's ordered via the custody agreement. Struggling to understand why this is so impactful to new wife's desire to be a "stepmother". Your ex appears to have some influence over the new relationship based on what you've shared here. Why is that? I'd start with taking a hard and honest look at that.
/r/Divorce_Men29/03/22 10:07 PM
1

Ok, so based on the comment above and elsewhere in this thread... The plan is to have a lawyer draft an agreement (skewed in your favor) then you're going surprise the stbx with divorce while confronting her about past affairs and possibly giving you an STD. The stbx will accept defeat, confess to all wrongdoings, admit that she's a terrible person, and sign the agreement without questioning it. Divorce complete. I'm 99% sure that this isn't going to play out the way you think it is. She'll prob…
/r/Divorce_Men29/03/22 05:44 PM
3

I understand where you're coming from. Some guys even feel like they'll be labeled the "bad guy" for filing first (I was in this camp at one point. In reality no one cares). I'd focus less on the "who files first" debate and more on what filing actually does for you. For example, mutual restraining orders are typically issued and remain in effect through the completion of the divorce. This typically covers stuff like the selling/destroying of assets, running up credit cards, skipping town with c…
/r/Divorce_Men29/03/22 12:37 AM
2

So why not go ahead and file?
/r/Divorce_Men28/03/22 11:15 PM
1

I'm sure there are plenty that will do it... for a while.
/r/Divorce_Men24/03/22 10:30 PM
2

I raised her to think critically and to function as an independent, self-supporting human. As for marriage specifically - Basically my message has always been to avoid marriage unless it's with a person of equal quality and value. Understand the legal ramifications before taking the plunge. Don't even consider it until both feet have been firmly planted. I don't want my daughter to ever find herself in a position of being completely/mostly dependent upon another human. Her upbringing has been no…
/r/Divorce_Men24/03/22 10:27 PM
1

IMO the "traditional woman" you described does not exist and personally I wouldn't shackle myself to such a woman if she did. I'm certainly not raising my daughter to be this type of woman.
/r/Divorce_Men24/03/22 05:14 PM
3

It's ok man! You're only human and you will get better at navigating these things. Personally, I don't think there's anything wrong with stating facts and calling out bullshit. Just make sure the message isn't threatening (or could be construed as such). That said, definitely best to minimize this type of communication until divorce is finalized. Assume everything you send via text/email/whatever will be read by a judge at some point.
/r/Divorce_Men24/03/22 04:20 PM
1

Best of luck to you. There's nothing wrong with a little righteous vengeance IMO.
/r/Divorce_Men24/03/22 03:46 AM
1

It's a fair request. I would also like to see statistics backing your claim that marriage is required in order for a couple to effectively raise children.
/r/Divorce_Men24/03/22 03:38 AM
3

Moot point. A two-parent household can exist without marriage. Raising a family as a couple does not require a legal contract.
/r/Divorce_Men24/03/22 03:28 AM
9

Your purged two pieces of shit from your life at once!
/r/Divorce_Men20/03/22 06:40 AM
3

Pathetic. Your wife sounds bat shit crazy and you claim to miss your family... so the solution is to send the kid(s) away and mail it in as a father?
/r/Divorce_Men19/03/22 02:18 AM
3

Well said!
/r/Divorce_Men16/03/22 07:27 AM
2

I think it would be foolish to move forward without at least consulting with a lawyer. As others have pointed out, having a your case and related documentation reviewed does not mean you're contesting the divorce. Don't let your wife know you're doing this! Based on the info provided she should be paying child support and possibly alimony. Does her new job pay more? What about the marital home and other property? Where's the $60k payment coming from? What about retirement or other investment acc…
/r/Divorce_Men14/03/22 10:36 PM
3

Sounds like a lot of potential for drama to me. Is the juice worth the squeeze? Only you can answer that.
/r/Divorce_Men14/03/22 10:11 PM
1

It's from Hávamál (Words of the High One). There are many translations available. The Wanderer's Havamal by Jackson Crawford is good place to start for English speakers imo.
/r/Divorce_Men10/03/22 07:26 AM
14

Hávamál stanza 84: No man should trust a maiden's words, Nor what a woman speaks: Spun on a wheel were women's hearts, In their breasts was implanted caprice
/r/Divorce_Men09/03/22 07:08 PM
1

I had 50/50 for about a year and the every other week/7 day rotation worked pretty well. Exchanges happened on Fridays.
/r/Divorce_Men09/03/22 05:53 AM
3

Maybe the app is suggesting prospective matches based on their preferences? Some of the apps will allow you to proactively block users by phone number (Tinder has this feature) Remove the pics with your daughter or edit her out of the pictures. 4 LMAO welcome to the shit-show! I've been using dating apps off and on for just over 2 years. Tinder has been mostly only good for getting laid, but I occasionally meet serious minded women there. Match has been decent for meeting women who are more inte…
/r/Divorce_Men09/03/22 05:49 AM
18

Mid 40s here... I've dated women in their late 20s to late 40s and everything in between. In general the late 20s - early 30s ladies don't seem as interested in locking down a relationship compared to most of the older women I've dated. I tend to avoid the "never married" mid to late 30s crowd as they seem to be the most desperate to shack up, get married, and/or have children. Hard no to women with more than a couple of young children or when more than one bio dads are involved. 40+ has been a …
/r/Divorce_Men07/03/22 06:41 PM
2

Oh man I've been in your shoes. Play along for six months or so, document everything, then file for a modification!
/r/Divorce_Men07/03/22 06:14 PM
3

LMAO. This is funny to me because my ex leads all requests for extra money, etc with "Would you consider..." Would you consider helping me finance a new auto? Would you consider giving me $1000 to catch up on rent? Would you consider helping me buy new bedroom furniture? Would you consider paying x dollars per month more in alimony? She texts me out of the blue with this dumb shit on a fairly regular basis. We've been divorced for over 3 years! The examples above are some of her actual requests …
/r/Divorce_Men07/03/22 06:08 PM
1

This isn't how I handle these types of things. There's a difference between reminding children to acknowledge their mother's birthday and you acknowledging your ex's birthday.
/r/Divorce_Men04/03/22 08:21 PM
2

IMO this depends on the quality of the marriage, events that led to divorce, and how the divorce itself played out. I had a good marriage and the ex was my best friend for almost two decades. She cheated, ended the marriage, attempted to squeeze me during the divorce, and ultimately abandoned the kids. It has taken a lot of time to "get over" all that (not necessarily her). Just be patient and focus on your healing.
/r/Divorce_Men01/03/22 10:51 PM
1

You don't. It can be off-putting to approach someone at the gym, while they're on the job, etc.
/r/Divorce_Men01/03/22 10:25 PM
2

Who cares what people think? I'm mid 40s and have dated women as young as 27 and old as 46.
/r/Divorce_Men25/02/22 06:43 PM
1

No No No. Focus on building a life with the kids... without the ex. Your message comes across as a poorly veiled and desperate attempt to reconcile.
/r/Divorce_Men25/02/22 06:16 PM
4

Those feelings are normal IMO. Stop following her on social media and keep conversations short and only talk about the kids. Similar situation here but I would be thrilled if my ex got married as this would end the alimony obligation. Best of luck to you.
/r/Divorce_Men23/02/22 07:48 PM
2

As others have already said.. She can't kick you out of your house. Find a good lawyer and get back into your house. You "keep going" for your children.. One day at a time. Try to keep the emotional and business parts of the divorce separate. A solid plan and a good lawyer for the business end and a therapist and/or friends & family for processing emotions.
/r/Divorce_Men20/02/22 10:39 PM
1

Also, get him off of idiotic sugar baby sites. Or stop marrying SBs. I mean it kind of defeats the purpose of these types of arrangements.
/r/Divorce_Men18/02/22 08:27 PM
2

I disagree. Her actions would be criminal in any other context than that of marriage. Hiding impulsive purchases here and there is one thing. Hiding $30k of debt over a two year period is different level. What else is she hiding? If she's willing to get a real job and pay off the debt (and actually puts forth the effort) then maybe the marriage can be saved. Apologies are a dime a dozen.
/r/Divorce_Men18/02/22 08:16 PM
1

That's a fair question. There was definitely some denial involved on my end lol. I never actually believed it would "get better" tbh... Was more like I believed(hoped) it wouldn't get much worse. Business as usual was just easier. My ex was a SAHM and I have a couple of kids. I knew divorce would be messy.
/r/Divorce_Men18/02/22 07:56 PM
1

Daddy issues Inability or unwillingness to respect boundaries Unemployed or under employed Neediness Laziness
/r/Divorce_Men17/02/22 10:45 PM
5

I experienced something similar. My ex's spending was an issue throughout the entirety of marriage. She'd run up CC debt, hide it until no longer possible to do so, then we'd have an argument about it. I'd scramble to make extra money to pay it down and she'd promise not to do it again. This happened about once per year with amounts ranging from a few thousand to $10k+. This went on for almost two decades. Ultimately she ended the marriage by way of affair and consequently another $40k + of hidd…
/r/Divorce_Men17/02/22 10:40 PM
2

This attorney can represent both of our interests, correct? No. This would be a conflict of interest to the attorney. If you and the wife are in 100% agreement (and assuming you aren't just being agreeable for the sake of keeping things simple), the approach you described might work. Still I would have my own lawyer review the settlement agreement before signing. Abandon this approach if your case is complex (custody, assets, etc) or at the first sign of conflict. Never take legal advice from yo…
/r/Divorce_Men17/02/22 10:18 PM
3

Get a credit card of your own?
/r/Divorce_Men17/02/22 09:17 PM
1

LMAO. Right on.
/r/Divorce_Men14/02/22 12:56 AM
1

Tell her after your divorce is finalized.
/r/Divorce_Men13/02/22 05:49 PM
1

Did your attorney "bless" this private agreement?
/r/Divorce_Men11/02/22 06:37 PM
2

Claim it as your own if you enjoy the restaurant. This worked for me.
/r/Divorce_Men11/02/22 06:27 PM
1

I hit the weights for 1.5 -2 hours daily. It's therapy for me.
/r/Divorce_Men10/02/22 10:24 PM
1

You can't "kick her out" if she does not want to leave. Stay for the kid and move out only if your lawyer suggests it or court orders you to. Moving out before or during divorce could give your wife ammo for any custody battles that lie ahead.
/r/Divorce_Men10/02/22 04:16 AM
11

This seems pretty common. The fact that you're concerned about it probably means you are NOT a narcissist :D I was accused of being a narcissistic abuser for providing my ex a pampered lifestyle for almost two decades and for not caving to her demands after she cheated and blew up the family.
/r/Divorce_Men09/02/22 09:59 PM
1

What equity? The appreciation of equity. Basically she might be entitled to something if the property value increased during the time between marriage and divorce.
/r/Divorce_Men09/02/22 09:25 PM
5

Depends. Why risk stirring up drama while the divorce is in progress?
/r/Divorce_Men08/02/22 10:36 PM
3

Damn man. I had to live with the ex for a few months before she moved out and it was mental torture. Do take care of yourself.
/r/Divorce_Men08/02/22 02:59 AM
2

Yep and that's exactly what I did.
/r/Divorce_Men04/02/22 10:38 PM
0

I currently have 100% custody, but my kids have always been welcome at my(their) home.. even when the custody arrangement was 50/50. IMO the OP from the AITA post and his ex both sound like selfish assholes.
/r/Divorce_Men04/02/22 09:42 PM
10

Cut your losses and move on. You're young, have no children, and don't have a lot of time invested in the marriage. Date career minded women from your social economic class going forward.
/r/Divorce_Men03/02/22 03:36 PM
3

$2500 seems excessive. Surely you have your own lawyer and aren't taking a DIY approach to this? FWIW I make about what you do and pay ~$1600 per month in alimony (I'm not a resident of SC and not familiar with divorce laws there). What does your decree say about modifying/reducing alimony? In my state you basically have to include terms and conditions in the agreement otherwise seeking modification can be a major pain in the ass.
/r/Divorce_Men02/02/22 07:04 PM
2

If both of you are willing to put in the work and you have a good therapist, then it might be helpful. Total waste of time and money if either of you already have one foot out the door.
/r/Divorce_Men02/02/22 06:46 PM
2

The money you're paying now won't earn you any brownie points and probably won't reduce the risk of having to pay alimony(if that's what you mean by 'counting towards something').
/r/Divorce_Men02/02/22 06:34 PM
1

It is abnormal to hate all women. There are plenty of other subs and online communities that will welcome you into their cult(s) with open arms and provide you with assistance in the matter.
/r/Divorce_Men02/02/22 06:08 PM
4

It's sometimes beneficial to "stay put" for strategic purposes. For example, my ex was a SAHM and would've loved to have the house to herself with no bills or responsibilities. All the perks of the marriage minus having a pesky husband around. In other words no real incentive to finalize the divorce.
/r/Divorce_Men31/01/22 09:54 PM
3

I was in your shoes a couple of years ago. Pining for the smoking hot ex who cheated and nearly destroyed my life. So cringy looking back on it now. I'll let you in on a little secret: There are other smoking hot women out there. Give yourself some time to heal then find one that is good to and for you.
/r/Divorce_Men31/01/22 08:50 PM
1

Are you the bread winner? Is the wife a SAHM?
/r/Divorce_Men31/01/22 07:59 PM
2

Who knows? Maybe she is testing you. Politely decline the invitation. It might be tempting to give her a piece of your mind, but now (while divorce is in progress) is not the time to stir up unnecessary drama.
/r/Divorce_Men31/01/22 07:24 PM
1

I know several folks paying child support for kids that aren't theirs. These folks married a single mother AND adopted her children, right?
/r/Divorce_Men31/01/22 03:43 PM
1

You didn't mention anything about seeking actual legal advice. Have you?
/r/Divorce_Men30/01/22 06:15 PM
1

The albums Pale Communion and Sorceress by Opeth
/r/Divorce_Men29/01/22 07:29 AM
1

Nice!
/r/Divorce_Men28/01/22 05:33 PM
7

You'll have to decide what is important to you, but I can share my experience. My ex pulled the same shit. Blind sided with divorce and even briefly fought for full custody before agreeing to 50/50. She would leave the kids with me 2-3 days per week during her parenting time - this started literally the week following the divorce! The real kick in the nuts is that she would do this in order to spend time with the guy she cheated with. A very hard pill to swallow, but having extra time with the k…
/r/Divorce_Men27/01/22 07:02 PM
1

A conflict free divorce would be the cheapest. If you're both in 100% agreement, then in theory you could take the DIY route. At minimum I'd hire an attorney to file and bless the paperwork. As for home equity... My ex waived rights to equity in exchange for having first pick at household belongings. Not sure if this is possible in all states.
/r/Divorce_Men27/01/22 05:36 PM
2

Pretty sure the custodial parent always gets the HoH status, but you should definitely check with a tax accountant to verify.
/r/Divorce_Men27/01/22 05:28 PM
1

IMO attitudes towards dating will vary based on marriage/divorce experience. I wasn't interested in dating until 18 months or so after divorce and still struggle with commitment. No interest whatsoever in getting married again.
/r/Divorce_Men27/01/22 05:21 PM
3

Stop worrying about hurting mom and grandma's feelings and go for 50/50, if that's truly what you want.
/r/Divorce_Men27/01/22 05:55 AM
2

That’s why I just want to put all of my chips into getting 50% custody and I’m willing to lose the rest Do not let her know you are willing to lose "the rest" and use these things as bargaining chips as needed. Your lawyer should be able to provide you with child support numbers.
/r/Divorce_Men26/01/22 11:15 PM
1

What are you hoping to gain from this? I might consider if the kids were minors(to size the guy up, etc). Sounds like a waste of time other than that.
/r/Divorce_Men24/01/22 04:42 AM
14

Don't fall for it and don't waste time trying to understand her behavior. My ex still occasionally reaches out for favors, emotional support, and money and she blew up the marriage in spectacular fashion several years ago.
/r/Divorce_Men24/01/22 04:35 AM
1

So basically get divorced, you buy a house, then she moves in with you and the kids.. am I understanding correctly? Was divorce already in the cards?
/r/Divorce_Men24/01/22 04:29 AM
4

You're responsible for the mortgage if it's in your name. The lender doesn't care what you and stbx shake under the table about or what the court orders. Why not pay for a couple of hours with a family law attorney? You'll at least find out what you're actually up against and to gain a better understanding of your options. Consulting with a lawyer does not mean you're obligated to hire that lawyer or even file for divorce. ~$500k on the line yet you're unwilling to pay the $400 or so to get actu…
/r/Divorce_Men24/01/22 04:08 AM
1

I'm just curious - Why would he have to give up half of the house if it was acquired before the marriage?
/r/Divorce_Men21/01/22 08:49 PM
1

Wow and I thought divorce laws in my home state were screwy and backwards. My state requires an 18 month separation before the court will grant a no-fault divorce. In my case (after filing for divorce) I was advised to stay in marital home until a legal separation had been negotiated or temp hearing completed.
/r/Divorce_Men20/01/22 08:21 PM
7

Maybe start with smaller day trips to children's museums, nearby state parks, local festivals/events, etc before heading off for week long+ adventures. It's not difficult to find fun activities for children in the 4-7 age range. Just focus on spending quality time with your kids and you'll do just fine.
/r/Divorce_Men19/01/22 07:08 PM
1

I mean he did post on a men's divorce sub...
/r/Divorce_Men19/01/22 04:56 AM
2

This would be my next step. Maybe send the communication via certified mail.
/r/Divorce_Men19/01/22 04:41 AM
5

Was the divorce actually filed in Dec 2020? You should be able to get info about your case from the court. What specifically did your attorney say when you requested the status update?
/r/Divorce_Men19/01/22 01:03 AM
1

Hire a lawyer.
/r/Divorce_Men18/01/22 06:45 PM
6

You do not need her permission to file for divorce. It was my ex's idea to divorce (she cheated and basically napalmed the marriage), but for whatever reason did not/would not file... then contested when I filed. WTF knows why people do this. Spend the money for an hour or two with a lawyer to find out what your divorce actually looks like on paper then plan your next move. Sounds like you're mostly only interested in keeping the house... at the end of the day it's just a house.
/r/Divorce_Men18/01/22 03:26 AM
2

Oh wow this sounds exactly like my ex wife! I'll read up on dark triad personality traits. I actually just ended a six month relationship with a girlfriend because she'd recently started showing similar traits. Life is too short for this nonsense!
/r/Divorce_Men17/01/22 05:34 AM
3

This is extremely common with women and custody in the early phase of a divorce. Politely reject/counter her offer (don't let her know if you're sweating it!) and stop meeting/negotiating unless or until she signals that she's actually ready to make a deal. Get your ducks in a row in the event your case actually does end up in court.
/r/Divorce_Men17/01/22 01:19 AM
14

I think some cheaters attempt to rekindle "friendship" in order to support a delusional narrative and/or cope with guilt or shame. "See! He's still my friend! I can't be THAT horrible. Friendship wouldn't be possible if I'd actually cheated on him".
/r/Divorce_Men16/01/22 07:12 PM
15

The truth usually comes out in the wash. My ex pulled some very similar shit a few years ago. Met a guy from a different state and a few months later blew up the marriage/family then eventually moved 6 hours away to be with the douche bag from the affair while leaving everything from her old life (including children) behind. She denied(and still denies) having the affair and a lot of people believed her until she left the kids. Of course the affair fling did not last and her life is a train wrec…
/r/Divorce_Men16/01/22 06:46 PM
4

FWIW I paid alimony for the duration my 18 month separation and I'm paying alimony post-divorce. My point is that you're probably on the hook for it (based on the info you've provided and depending on where you live of course). If an attorney is asking for a retainer before consultation, then you need to find a different one. Typically you'll spend an hour or two with a lawyer (consultation is sometimes billed hourly or even free) and there's no retainer until you decide to "hire" the lawyer and…
/r/Divorce_Men15/01/22 09:36 PM
1

Why would you wait? Serious question that only you can answer.
/r/Divorce_Men15/01/22 09:16 PM
4

IMO if you and stbx are mostly already on the same page, then mediation might work for fleshing out details and settling small-ticket issues. Ultimately your stbx is responsible for green-lighting yesterday's witch hunt.
/r/Divorce_Men13/01/22 10:15 PM
3

Good on you for putting your son first, but you're going to have to start looking out for yourself. I was in your shoes a few years ago and the "nice guy" approach was a complete waste of time and only delayed the inevitable and stunted the healing process. I suspect things are amicable for the time being because your wife is getting her way. She wasn't thinking about the best interests of your son or potentially shitty future living conditions when she decided to fuck someone else. This won't b…
/r/Divorce_Men10/01/22 07:38 PM
4

Yep. Don't cut off your nose to spite your face.
/r/Divorce_Men10/01/22 03:06 AM
1

This sub is going to shit
/r/Divorce_Men09/01/22 08:41 PM
4

Document the alienation and gather witnesses if possible. You might be able to use this as ammo for custody modification.
/r/Divorce_Men09/01/22 08:36 PM
9

Ultimately it does not matter, but might explain how your stbx appears to have "moved on" so quickly. I had no idea my ex was cheating and was shocked to learn she had been for the 5-6 months leading up to the divorce. She denied it then (even when confronted with evidence) and denies it to this day (even though she moved to a different state a couple of years ago to be with the guy from the affair). Hell she'll still randomly bring it up and attempt to explain it away. As for dealing with diffe…
/r/Divorce_Men09/01/22 04:05 AM
1

Depends on alimony law in your state and/or the verbiage in your settlement agreement. I can terminate alimony if my ex remarries or cohabitates and can reduce it if my income decreases by 15% or more.
/r/Divorce_Men08/01/22 11:37 PM
1

Stupid poll is stupid. You use more emojis than my 15 yo daughter.
/r/Divorce_Men08/01/22 11:34 PM
24

Just a hunch: She started "dating" this person months before you separated.
/r/Divorce_Men08/01/22 11:32 PM
1

Divorce case records are public information in some states. Maybe you can use this information to verify a lawyer's experience before hiring.
/r/Divorce_Men07/01/22 04:29 PM
1

The middle option already exists. You don't need to join an edgelord club or movement in order to focus on self improvement and dating or to recognize the fundamental differences between men and women.
/r/Divorce_Men06/01/22 06:32 PM
4

IMO it comes across as a weird cult-like club of pushy and extremely insecure men.
/r/Divorce_Men06/01/22 05:14 PM
2

I'm rational and understand women.
/r/Divorce_Men05/01/22 08:10 PM
-1

Yes. They're called sugar babies.
/r/Divorce_Men05/01/22 06:51 PM
2

Apparently permanent alimony is a thing in a few states, but this doesn't appear to the be the norm. Alimony is somewhat discretionary in my state and permanent alimony is usually only awarded after a very long marriage when the receiving party is too old to skill up and enter the workforce.
/r/Divorce_Men05/01/22 12:27 AM
5

Send her packing. Let her become some 6+ foot tall, Texas-based asshole's nightmare. You'll be the one laughing on the other side.
/r/Divorce_Men04/01/22 04:49 AM
4

Speaking about schedule, any mom can get to hospital, to jail, die or be abducted by aliens. It’s incumbent upon dad to be ready to take care of child 100% of the time in case any of these situations happen. When you reach than mindset - switching to 50% custody is a breeze. These words might be hard for some to hear, but they're 100% true. My ex gave up custody the year following divorce. I'd planned for it, kind of suspected she was considering it, but never really thought she'd actually see i…
/r/Divorce_Men04/01/22 04:42 AM
2

lol no worries. I'm going into year number four so my divorce is old news. Hope all is well on your end.
/r/Divorce_Men04/01/22 12:21 AM
3

Manage your case and lawyer and put the emotions on ice to help keep expenses in check. There's plenty to bitch and moan about later, but for now focus on getting the best possible outcome for yourself. Familiarize with your state's alimony law and if it's not cut and dried (like my home state) then figure out what the court is likely to decide and use this as a basis for negotiating a settlement. Keep a running list of all the shit your wife thinks she is entitled to then use these things as ba…
/r/Divorce_Men04/01/22 12:18 AM
3

Truth! There were some trying times throughout the course of my marriage, but I never once thought my ex would cheat or that we'd end up divorced... because that only happens to other people.
/r/Divorce_Men03/01/22 10:58 PM
2

Might want to consider the judicial climate of where you would be moving to vis-a-vi custody. That's a great point. Maybe book a consultation with a lawyer from the destination city
/r/Divorce_Men03/01/22 10:51 PM
4

I have zero experience with this, but would consider getting the legal stuff squared away in advance (i.e. custody language updated to reflect target location, etc).
/r/Divorce_Men03/01/22 07:58 PM
3

She doesn't want to do a 50/50 time split because of the associated child support obligation. Your lawyer should be able to give you very accurate CS estimates for both scenarios. Just a hunch - she's being friendly because you are cooperating not because she's your friend.
/r/Divorce_Men03/01/22 07:51 PM
1

Were the emails time-critical? What was your lawyer's excuse for the delayed response(s)? I emailed and called my lawyer a lot in the early phase of my divorce and he was slow to respond and sometimes wouldn't return my calls. In my mind "I'm paying this asshole $350/hr. He works for ME damn it". I eventually let him have an ear full and it worked! He started responding promptly to everything... even joined a 2 hour conference call given short notice and at my request. My bill more than tripled …
/r/Divorce_Men03/01/22 07:35 PM
1

Understood and I've been there. It's still unclear if your current arrangement (kids with mom every other weekend) is reflective of an actual custody order. Put another way - If your decree says you're the custodial parent and the parenting schedule defines ex's visitation as "every other weekend" then changing custody would be an uphill battle for your ex.
/r/Divorce_Men03/01/22 06:44 PM
3

If you've been married for a short time, incomes are similar, don't have children/assets/debt/etc to fight over, then divorce should be straight forward and mediation might work for you.
/r/Divorce_Men03/01/22 04:22 AM
1

Your post is kind of confusing. You have primary custody yet you're worried about securing access to the children? How much time do the kids spend with you vs time spent with the ex and does this align with the decree/parenting plan?
/r/Divorce_Men03/01/22 02:23 AM
1

Divorce case info and most related documents are published to the web for the world to see in my state. Not even kidding.
/r/Divorce_Men02/01/22 02:59 AM
2

You hire a lawyer, make a plan, file for divorce, and grin & bear the living situation until the divorce is completed... unless otherwise instructed by your lawyer or ordered by a judge. Use funding for her relocation as a bargaining chip in negotiating a settlement agreement.
/r/Divorce_Men02/01/22 02:41 AM
2

Relocating to be closer would be ideal IMO, but obviously moving is usually easier said than done. As for the school events - You could attend them with or without her blessing, right? How old are your children? Apologies for the questions. I'm just trying to help think of different avenues of gaining more access to the kids that do not involve the court (as others have pointed out this would probably be an expensive, lengthy, and potentially fruitless endeavor). If you could somehow work with y…
/r/Divorce_Men01/01/22 02:01 AM
1

Have you tried discussing this with the mother? You might be able to work with her directly to get more time with the kids. Have you considered moving to be closer to your children?
/r/Divorce_Men01/01/22 01:10 AM
1

I was in a similar situation with an auto loan at the time of my divorce. Loan was in my name and ex wasn't in a position to refinance or trade. She agreed to waive rights to equity in exchange for me paying off the loan.
/r/Divorce_Men31/12/21 07:11 PM
2

Your wife knows she's going to be paying a lot in CS even with a 50/50 custody arrangement and she's probably also aware that you could request and receive marital support. Speak with your lawyer before doing something like this - you might be able leverage alimony for the desired 50/50. This really only applies if you're hoping to keep things out of court (IMO and based on what you've written here a court would probably grant joint custody). Just saying you might have more options here than you…
/r/Divorce_Men31/12/21 04:56 PM
3

Ah the early days are rough and especially so if you were blindsided. Focus on the kids and yourself and take things one day at a time. It really does get better (this is said routinely here, but it's true). I see what you mean about your situation being somewhat the reverse of mine. I was kind of in your wife's shoes as far as income and whatnot, but all I ever wanted was joint custody and 50/50 parenting time. My ex decided to pursue 30/70 because she wanted a bigger CS payment plain and simpl…
/r/Divorce_Men31/12/21 07:00 AM
5

Yes. Custody can be a big factor in child support calculations when there's disparity between incomes. My ex was onboard with joint custody and 50/50 parenting time until her lawyer and divorced friends/family explained this to her... and of course some lawyers frame this as an entitlement and make all kinds of crazy promises to their client. The ex told me in no uncertain terms that she changed her mind because of the money and attempted to leverage custody for more alimony. This is where the d…
/r/Divorce_Men31/12/21 04:33 AM
4

Easy solution: Stop calling her.
/r/Divorce_Men31/12/21 12:29 AM
3

One possibility: Don't be shocked if your stbx has a change of heart about 50/50 before or during mediation.
/r/Divorce_Men31/12/21 12:21 AM
7

I think it depends on the situation and end game. My ex's only real offense was gifting me more time with the kids which is ultimately all I wanted. I have a pretty flexible work schedule and work from home so wasn't like I had to scramble to find last minute childcare, transportation, etc. Sure I had to swallow pride and play along as a doormat, but the goal was to establish a new norm then take her to court. BTW my ex moved to a different state (to be with the moron from the affair) shortly af…
/r/Divorce_Men30/12/21 08:34 AM
8

What a nice Christmas surprise! Enjoy the extra time with your children. My ex used to pull similar shenanigans and usually had bullshit excuses for needing extra time away from the kids(50/50 custody at the time). I was friendly and encouraged her to leave the kids with me any time. This wasn't always easy for a number of reasons, but I focused on the long game and the fact that my kids needed at least one stable parent/home. The ex eventually got comfy with this arrangement and the kids were s…
/r/Divorce_Men30/12/21 04:14 AM
1

Stop listening to her, don't pay more than required, and make sure your lawyer is aware of the legal threats.
/r/Divorce_Men29/12/21 05:16 PM
1

Sounds like you dodged a bullet by not marrying her! Has a judge already signed the parenting plan/custody order or is it still in the works and now she's reneging?
/r/Divorce_Men29/12/21 04:57 PM
1

So were you actually married? If so, has the divorce been finalized? Is she living with the bf?
/r/Divorce_Men29/12/21 04:04 PM
4

And he/she has no advice to offer? Maybe you need a different lawyer.
/r/Divorce_Men28/12/21 10:26 PM
5

I don't believe in karma or a god that punishes people, but a person's shitty life choices catch up with them eventually.
/r/Divorce_Men28/12/21 05:24 PM
2

Legal separation works similarly in my state and you can even use the separation agreement for the divorce if both parties agree to it. Be sure to check with your insurance companies before pulling the trigger... just to make damn sure your insurance will still cover her if legally separated.
/r/Divorce_Men28/12/21 03:21 AM
2

This is horrible advice
/r/Divorce_Men27/12/21 03:10 AM
1

Keep it simple. Keep it separate.
/r/Divorce_Men24/12/21 04:53 AM
2

This will probably be an unpopular opinion since this sub seems to have a lot of MGTOWs participating lately - IMO the MGTOW thing is weird and cringey and the hardcore followers of this lifestyle are misinformed & annoying(kinda like militant vegans). I think the party who initiates divorce hurts less emotionally and moves on more quickly. If there's income disparity between parties then typically the breadwinner suffers more financially. It's as simple as that. There are no puppet masters or i…
/r/Divorce_Men24/12/21 04:48 AM
2

Are you mentally "fit" for a new and possibly more demanding job?
/r/Divorce_Men22/12/21 02:14 AM
6

It's a cool idea and could be a useful tool. How is the data stored/secured? Who has access to it? What about backups/disaster recovery? Can you provide more info on security posture in general?
/r/Divorce_Men21/12/21 04:37 AM
2

Agreed. Pursuing would be a waste of time and money.
/r/Divorce_Men21/12/21 04:27 AM
2

Same and all it really means in my home state is that a divorce can be finalized sooner rather than having to separate for 18 months before finalizing a no-fault divorce.
/r/Divorce_Men21/12/21 03:58 AM
1

Why would owning a cheaper car look better on paper? Does your stbx want "half of" the car? I was advised to avoid any major sales, purchases, or career changes while my divorce was in progress. Check with your lawyer.
/r/Divorce_Men20/12/21 09:33 PM
1

Probably something technical or missing info. Hopefully no major setback or hurdle for you.
/r/Divorce_Men20/12/21 09:25 PM
2

Maybe the judge thinks it's unfair?
/r/Divorce_Men20/12/21 05:36 PM
2

Get the divorce behind you, assess the situation, and then revisit getting a second job. Alimony laws vary by state(assuming you're US-based). I'd read-up then schedule some time with a lawyer to gain a solid understanding of the situation. It's possible to include language in the decree to address alimony modification and termination. There's language in my decree that defines amount, duration and conditions for modification & early termination of alimony. My decree includes an explicit alimony…
/r/Divorce_Men19/12/21 05:14 AM
1

You realize that these lawyers are eating this shit up, right? How much did it cost for your lawyer to respond to this nonsense? Stop trying reason with your wife and tell your attorney to chill with the theatrics. You've made an offer. Get a trial date. I'm not trying to be insulting btw... it's just that I've been there and done that.
/r/Divorce_Men18/12/21 06:08 PM
1

Deep breaths man. Why take legal advice from your wife? She can say whatever she wants. This does not make it true or reflective of reality. Have you discussed your case with a lawyer? If you haven't, then compile a list of questions and schedule some time with attorneys in your area/county. Your wife does not need to know what you're up to! No one knows how your case will unfold, but you'll probably take a hit financially and the divorce will certainly affect your children. Accept this, prepare…
/r/Divorce_Men18/12/21 01:34 AM
1

IMO it depends on the complexity of the case and the risk involved.
/r/Divorce_Men18/12/21 12:45 AM
6

Yep... from the beginning, that was our plan. We'd draw up the agreement together, her attorney would write it up, and my attorney would check it over and ensure it was fair. Pretty much how my divorce started. We sat down and hashed everything out and agreed to mediation for negotiating the sticky points such as alimony. On paper my divorce was cut and dried. This went off the rails quickly beginning with her reneging on shared custody (She straight up told me she'd reconsider 50/50 once alimon…
/r/Divorce_Men17/12/21 07:37 PM
30

Someone has probably informed her of all the wonderful "entitlements" she's leaving on the table by divorcing amicably. My divorce started the same way and went downhill quickly once my ex's divorced friends, family, etc got her ear. Long story short she briefly contested the divorce as an attempt to get a better deal and ended up getting less in the eventual settlement. It started peacefully, went to shit for a few months, and ended peacefully. It's the unnecessary BS that happened in between t…
/r/Divorce_Men17/12/21 05:17 PM
8

I've encountered this type of reactions in divorce groups, friend groups, and even the dating world - just for stating simple facts and usually only when pressed to do so (i.e. explaining my position on marriage). I was a fully committed husband and father for 16 years and my ex cheated (destroying two families in the process) and ultimately abandoned our children. I'm stuck paying for her share of marital debt,car note, and alimony for the foreseeable future. Not to mention the emotional damage…
/r/Divorce_Men16/12/21 10:54 PM
15

Seems par for the course. I no longer participate in several of my fave subs because of this type of garbage.
/r/Divorce_Men16/12/21 08:22 PM
1

So you texted with the ex a couple of times over the past two years and your life has been better since the divorce yet you still feel the need to have a coffee with her... This post makes no sense to me. What am I missing? What are you hoping to accomplish? Were you guys good friends before getting involved romantically? Who initiated the divorce?
/r/Divorce_Men13/12/21 06:04 PM
8

I've been divorced for a few years and my ex still tries to pull this type of shit. You'll get better at saying no.
/r/Divorce_Men11/12/21 04:50 AM
1

Throw them in the garbage.
/r/Divorce_Men08/12/21 08:50 PM
3

Alimony is frustrating as hell. There's no universal law or guideline for it. In my home state it's not even on the books and is either settled out of court or the judge decides(with very few guidelines). I ended up getting stuck with paying about 30% of my income for 8 years,but was later able to reduce it to 6 years. My situation is kind of different though. Meet with a lawyer to find out what you're up against and find out if it's something that can be negotiated/settled privately.. If your e…
/r/Divorce_Men04/12/21 12:17 AM
1

Sounds like you really need to speak with a lawyer. Just curious - Did the court order you out of the marital home? Does your wife work or have a history of employment? Maybe you can ask the court to deduct unpaid rent from alimony once the divorce is squared away.
/r/Divorce_Men03/12/21 09:58 PM
3

It sucks man. Focusing on the kids and working on myself got me through it. FWIW it really does get better. Just takes time. I've been divorced for a few years and still occasionally get angry about alimony, but it's nothing like the raw emotions during and following the divorce.
/r/Divorce_Men01/12/21 11:05 PM
1

Are you certain that you're legally obligated to pay CS? As for the question you actually asked regarding "shared" expenses - You can include language in the decree to address "who pays for what", but in reality (at least in my reality) enforcing these things would be more trouble than it's worth. Probably still a good idea to get something in writing just in case.. If nothing else something along the lines of you paying for the extra expenses when the kids are with you and your ex paying when k…
/r/Divorce_Men01/12/21 10:55 PM
1

Hell yes!
/r/Divorce_Men01/12/21 04:31 PM
5

Many divorces start and end "amicably" - it's the shit that happens in between. At least that's been my observation and experience. If you're the breadwinner in a marriage (and especially if your spouse is a stay at home parent) then lawyering up is probably the best option for holding on to assets long-term.
/r/Divorce_Men30/11/21 05:11 PM
1

That's an interesting take for a men's divorce discussion forum. Have you experienced divorce?
/r/Divorce_Men30/11/21 05:05 PM
3

These are valid concerns and could be addressed by an experienced lawyer in your area. 100% worth the one hour consultation fee IMO. Keep in mind that consulting with an attorney doesn't mean you have to file for a divorce. Hell you don't even have to hire that particular attorney should you decide to move forward with the divorce. You're simply gathering intel before making a move. Just my .02 and from personal experience(I am NOT a lawyer) - I think your wife's overall work history would be ta…
/r/Divorce_Men29/11/21 10:55 PM
12

Income can be imputed for support calculation purposes. Consult with a lawyer.
/r/Divorce_Men29/11/21 07:52 PM
2

You're not wrong and your ex is the asshole in this scenario. This behavior should be nipped in the bud before it becomes the norm. Set boundaries and stick to the parenting plan.
/r/Divorce_Men29/11/21 07:00 PM
1

Sounds pretty straightforward, but I'd still consult with a lawyer as a CYA and then have them review paperwork before signing. Don't tell the wife you're doing this.
/r/Divorce_Men29/11/21 06:43 PM
2

Why does the temp hearing keep getting delayed? Have you discussed with your lawyer?
/r/Divorce_Men29/11/21 04:27 PM
1

lol there were no physical goods other than women's clothing and gifts she'd sent to her lover. The rest was for nails, hair, spa, and cash withdrawals.
/r/Divorce_Men20/11/21 04:41 PM
1

Is this rental condo the "marital home"? Where are you currently living?
/r/Divorce_Men19/11/21 06:54 PM
2

Holy hell. Did you read your own post? She cheated, lied, abandoned you, and abandoned your child only to resurface later asking "Didn't you miss me?"
/r/Divorce_Men19/11/21 06:45 PM
4

My kids live with me 95% of the time and I would not have it any other way.
/r/Divorce_Men18/11/21 07:36 PM
2

So why not move back to be closer to your children?
/r/Divorce_Men18/11/21 07:35 PM
1

A divorce for you would probably be very costly for a very long time. Make damn sure your ducks are in a row before pulling the trigger. I think your first step is understanding the alimony laws in your state. Might need to get the ball rolling sooner rather than later depending on how these laws are written if your goal is to minimize support obligations. Oher than that it sounds like you two are good roommates. Only you can decide if that's an acceptable arrangement or not. I do encourage you …
/r/Divorce_Men16/11/21 08:05 PM
1

Hire an attorney and file immediately. My ex had a couple of cards in her name(she used my income to get them without my knowledge.. WTF is this not a crime?) and she basically maxed them out before the divorce was filed. I got stuck with $30k of that debt.
/r/Divorce_Men16/11/21 07:08 PM
2

My ex kept it and I could not care less.
/r/Divorce_Men15/11/21 01:46 AM
3

It doesn't matter what she thinks or says. Tell yourself this and believe it.
/r/Divorce_Men15/11/21 01:42 AM
5

Why does she still have access to YOUR card(s)? You can lock most cards via app or website. I'd change passwords and lock the cards.
/r/Divorce_Men15/11/21 01:38 AM
2

In my home state a standing restraining order is issued when a divorce is filed. It prohibits either party from removing minor children from the court's jurisdiction without permission from the court. I believe this is common in most if, not all US states. Double check your paperwork. As for your STBX - Let her hang herself. This woman is not your friend and is effectively suing you. It appears you have many things working in your favor and IMO you should focus efforts on your child and strength…
/r/Divorce_Men06/11/21 06:06 PM
1

Does she communicate about the kids? What more do you want from her? These are honest questions (not trying to be a dick). You didn't mention any of the reasons for the divorce so it's anybody's guess as to why she's behaving this way. My ex had an affair, ended the marriage, and abandoned our children then proceeded to treat me similar to how your ex is treating you. Who knows why. She gets friendly from time to time when she needs money (in addition to the SS she already receives). It can be a…
/r/Divorce_Men03/11/21 05:14 PM
1

Freeze your credit and have cards reissued. Consider using a password manager such as KeePass for storing sensitive digital information(including pin numbers for un-freezing credit). DM if you have questions about any of this. Credit Freeze links: Equifax Experian TransUnion
/r/Divorce_Men02/11/21 08:28 PM
3

Hang in there man. Listen to your attorney, be the best father you can be, and take things one day/hour/minute at a time.
/r/Divorce_Men02/11/21 08:13 PM
1

I guess it works for some folks, but IMO it's not worth it. I always got along great with my MIL but after the divorce the ex would use her to hound me for money, favors, etc. It's also potentially going to make healing more difficult because your ex will come up in conversation regularly when dealing with the in-laws. I'd pass man.
/r/Divorce_Men02/11/21 08:01 PM
1

Run for the hills!
/r/Divorce_Men02/11/21 06:38 PM
7

Congrats and best of luck with the next phase!
/r/Divorce_Men02/11/21 06:30 PM
3

Keep in mind this was while we were still living together... I gave her a small amount of cash weekly for things like gas and necessities(female hygiene products, etc). I shared a Google Keep grocery list with her (she was too stubborn to use it) and there was always plenty of food at the table for her. This might seem extreme, but she was burning through joint funds(my paycheck) like crazy. Still doing spa days, having nails done every other day, shopping, etc as if we were still a happily marr…
/r/Divorce_Men02/11/21 05:57 PM
2

My ex did the same after cheating and initiating divorce and like you I'd never threatened or been aggressive towards her in any way at any point during the 16 year marriage. It was offensive to me at the time because I was still clinging to the hope that she'd change her mind and decide to work on the marriage (i.e. I was kissing her ass). My only regret is not claiming the master bedroom for myself and letting her have the couch. Focus on moving the divorce forward and getting her ass out of t…
/r/Divorce_Men02/11/21 05:45 PM
3

I started doing all grocery shopping, cooking, cleaning, etc during the in house separation, but my situation was different. My ex had no income and I removed her access to mine (got my lawyer's blessings before cutting her off).
/r/Divorce_Men01/11/21 10:48 PM
5

She sounds similar to the woman I married at your age. My ex was smoking hot, but that was about the only thing she brought to the table. Doe your gf at least have a career? I've been divorced for almost four years now. My ex was a SAHM and for the most part had it made. She cheated 16 years into the marriage and ended up moving to a different state after we split(abandoning our children in the process). She still costs me around $2k/month and this will be my reality for the next four years (for…
/r/Divorce_Men30/10/21 04:51 PM
8

100% truth. IMO this behavior is red flag material. I also run from the ones who are excessively flattering..especially the ones who get irritable if the same high level of flattery isn't reciprocated. No thanks! Next!
/r/Divorce_Men29/10/21 07:07 PM
6

Hell no! I have no problem with dating exclusively/seriously, but I'm out the minute marriage or moving in together becomes a regular theme in conversation. It's interesting because I'm always up front about these things and without fail (usually six or seven dates in) it becomes a major issue.. "You're just bitter. Not all women are like your ex", "I'm not your ex", etc. I walk away from this kind of nonsense without hesitation.
/r/Divorce_Men29/10/21 06:39 PM
1

The Damn Delicious food blog has been an awesome resource for quick (and good) recipes. Here's one from my personal arsenal - Mississippi Pot Roast: 1 Slow cooker liner (these are a must) 1 Boneless chuck roast 1/4 stick butter 1 package of Ranch Dip Mix 1 package of Au Jus Gravy Mix 1/3 - 1/2 Jar sliced pepperoncini (16 oz jar) Put the roast in the cooker and cover with the gravy and dip mix and add butter and pepperoncini then turn the cooker on low and let it ride for 5-6 hours. I usually ser…
/r/Divorce_Men29/10/21 03:20 PM
3

A hellcat
/r/Divorce_Men28/10/21 09:27 PM
2

Congrats!
/r/Divorce_Men28/10/21 03:35 PM
2

If you're ever on the market for a good "cry in your beer" divorce record check out Opeth's Pale Communion. It might be THE ultimate divorce soundtrack lol.
/r/Divorce_Men27/10/21 10:08 PM
1

It's a hard pill to swallow, but she has probably been involved with someone else for longer than you realize. You didn't mention divorce, but it might be wise to file and/or push the divorce forward while she's preoccupied with the new romance. My ex dragged shit out for as long as she could stand it, but became very agreeable once her desire to chase the new fantasy outweighed the desire to squeeze me in the divorce. I was able to capitalize on this in many ways. This was very much a "strike w…
/r/Divorce_Men27/10/21 10:00 PM
2

Now I'm not one to shit on someone else's musical tastes, but for me the heavier stuff is where it's at for workouts. Pretty much anything by Enslaved, pre-2011 Opeth, High on Fire, Amon Amarth.. to name a few.
/r/Divorce_Men27/10/21 04:33 PM
9

Solid advice based on the info provided.
/r/Divorce_Men27/10/21 02:26 AM
2

Not really 'parenting time' related, but be sure to spell out which schools or school districts the kids will attend and who has final say if either or both of you decide to move out of the district. This is a good way to put geographic restrictions in place in case your ex decides to move off and take the kids with her. This ended up being huge for me about a year after the divorce.
/r/Divorce_Men26/10/21 08:06 PM
2

File for the divorce
/r/Divorce_Men26/10/21 07:48 PM
1

I ended up going the legal separation route for similar reasons, but my situation was different - I was breadwinner and she was running up debt and spending money like crazy(after she initiated divorce but wouldn't file). Legal separation put an end to all the financial BS... and as you pointed out formally established a separation date. Just make sure you understand what legal separation is/isn't in your state. In my home state a separation agreement can be merged into the final decree if both …
/r/Divorce_Men26/10/21 07:44 PM
1

It's insane man. My ex not only rewrote the history of our relationship and denied the affair, but she changed to the core - including personality, values, etc. She was a very loving mother for 16 years and was involved in every aspect of the children's lives. She barely sees them once a month now! I haven't questioned her about it in some time now, but she always brushed it off and claimed her behavior is perfectly normal and that the kids are fine with the way things turned out. Meanwhile my d…
/r/Divorce_Men21/10/21 03:48 PM
11

Probably not. At least not my experience. Your ex's behavior and poor decision making do not define your value as a human! This was extremely difficult for me to get my head around at first, but I did. With time you will too. You must stop thinking of her as she was and see her for what she really is. The good news is that she is already making this very clear to you. You just have to open your eyes. It's been about 3.5 years since my ex pulled some similar shit as yours. She nuked a stable & se…
/r/Divorce_Men20/10/21 06:27 PM
16

She probably had the BF long before the marriage ended. The pattern is almost cookie cutter and the excuses are always the same. Your best bet is to focus on you and to completely cut her out of your life. If these so-called friends insist on keeping you in the loop, then it's time to cut these shit bags out too.
/r/Divorce_Men19/10/21 08:23 PM
11

She is. Just ignore her.
/r/Divorce_Men12/10/21 06:45 PM
2

You probably won't ever get closure from your ex. It sucks, but the sooner you accept that the better. Your closure will have to come from within. My crazy ex randomly fessed up 3.5 years after the divorce. I was long over it by then so had no impact(other than wondering why she decided to tell me). There were no apologies.. and she stopped just short of calling it cheating lol.
/r/Divorce_Men28/09/21 02:36 AM
5

My background and dating experience is similar to yours, but the 30-40 something women have taken a more subtle approach. These women (especially with children) seem to aggressively pursue "sealing the deal" after only a handful of dates. No thanks! Start dating late 20s with zero expectations. Have some fun man.. just be safe!
/r/Divorce_Men20/09/21 01:32 AM
2

You do not reply. It's none of her business.
/r/Divorce_Men19/09/21 02:45 PM
16

She's cheating. Divorce ASAP because she won't be so agreeable and cooperative once the new "relationship" implodes.
/r/Divorce_Men19/09/21 02:43 PM
0

Good for you
/r/Divorce_Men18/09/21 07:36 PM
5

Hell no.
/r/Divorce_Men18/09/21 02:46 PM
1

I wouldn't sign off on 50/50 until she's capable(willing) to parent 50% of the time.
/r/Divorce_Men19/07/21 02:50 AM
3

Sounds like a clean break to me. Is the car paid for? If not, are you on the hook for the loan? I'm still making payments for my ex's car 2.5 years post-divorce :|
/r/Divorce_Men09/06/21 10:56 PM
1

Have either of you filed for divorce? Do the in-laws live in a different state?
/r/Divorce_Men09/06/21 06:53 PM
3

That's not how this works man. Hire a lawyer and do what they tell you. I know it's difficult to see now, but you have to put yourself first here. She's not your friend. Put the emotions on ice and approach the divorce as a business transaction.
/r/Divorce_Men08/06/21 03:37 AM
6

That's tough man. Sorry you're going through it. Keep your chin up and take care of yourself. You're young, no kids, and she showed her true colors early on. At least she's willing to work! I've been divorced for 2+ years and my ex has done nothing to improve earning potential or income and is still on the payroll to the tune of ~$2k a month in alimony.
/r/Divorce_Men07/06/21 03:43 AM
2

Book a one hour consultation with a lawyer.
/r/Divorce_Men05/06/21 04:55 PM
1

Probably financial but her motivations don't really matter. Focus on yourself and spending time with your kid(s). Stop talking to her about the divorce and don't take legal advice from her or her network. Best of luck to you man
/r/Divorce_Men02/06/21 05:44 AM
1

IMO they're stalling on purpose in hopes of wearing you down. Seems to be a pretty common tactic. Dig in and stick to your guns on 50/50. Don't discuss the divorce with your stbx. If your lawyer isn't 100% committed to "fighting" for custody then find one who is. Best of luck to you.
/r/Divorce_Men29/05/21 03:14 AM
2

Hang in there man and best of luck to you.
/r/Divorce_Men27/05/21 06:13 AM
1

Similar situation here. My ex lied, cheated, destroyed the family, nearly ruined me financially, and ultimately abandoned our children. We were best friends before all that happened. I've been divorced for about 2.5 years and every few months or so she comes around beating the "let's be friends" drum. Be friends = I have something she wants. You can be friendly and co-parent without having to be her damn friend.
/r/Divorce_Men25/05/21 12:47 AM
1

Hell no! I'd tell her to hit the road.
/r/Divorce_Men16/05/21 06:26 PM
3

Be honest about what you want and stick to your guns. Some women will try to lock you down quick and will constantly try to force themselves into your life. I usually give em a warning or two before cutting them completely out of my life. Also don't marry the first one who gives a good bj lol.
/r/Divorce_Men16/05/21 05:46 PM
1

Ah shit. My ex was doing the same. She discarded me like yesterday's garbage then continued to spend as if nothing happened. You have to stop the financial bleeding man. For me this was possible via legal separation. In my home state a legal separation is basically a divorce minus actually being divorced. Check your state laws for this. For me it stopped the financial bullshit and allowed the ex to stay on my insurance and in ultimately the terms and language in the legal separation became the d…
/r/Divorce_Men16/05/21 07:19 AM
1

You could probably press for some sort of reparations, but the phrase "throwing good money after bad" comes to mind. I'd let this one go man
/r/Divorce_Men16/05/21 06:08 AM
1

Do you think she secretly wants a divorce as well? If yes then gather all your financial info (assets, debt, accounts, etc) and take it to an attorney ASAP (without your wife knowing) and find out what support payments and division of property will look like. Ask about the alimony laws for your state (There's no magic formula or legal guidelines for alimony in my home state). Tell the attorney that you want 50/50 custody and no less (You do, right?) - They'll be able to tell you exactly how much…
/r/Divorce_Men15/05/21 08:19 PM
3

My ex initiated but for whatever reason wouldn't file. I was able to get most of my ducks in a row before filing. Filing for divorce was the only practical option I had. Plan for a post-divorce life based on the worst case scenario. Have you considered consulting with a different attorney? Voluntarily moving out seems like a bad move IMO.
/r/Divorce_Men14/05/21 07:24 PM
1

There was geographical(school district) restriction related language in my custody agreement. We were sharing 50/50 physical and legal custody prior to her relocation. She willingly gave me full physical custody and moved 6 hours away. Nowadays the kids visit her one weekend per month. That's the part that has absolutely crushed my daughter. From gung ho, full-time mother to once a month weekend visitation over the period of about 18 months. The really crazy thing is that she spent months fighti…
/r/Divorce_Men14/05/21 05:07 PM
5

That's tough man. I really feel for ya. My ex pulled the same shit and eventually all but abandoned my children by moving to a different state to "find her happiness"(i.e. to be closer to lover-boy). The divorce screwed my kids up some, but their mother's move-away completely devastated my teen-aged daughter. The past 10 or so months have been absolutely brutal for her. The real kicker is that my ex was a wonderful mother and a good wife for ~16 years. I can't get my head around it (stopped tryi…
/r/Divorce_Men14/05/21 04:05 AM
2

They're trying to wear you down so you'll cave. Dig in and be strong. Best of luck to you.
/r/Divorce_Men13/05/21 10:03 PM
2

You can always make more money Be a Man. This is the kind of garbage spewed by people who clearly haven't been force fed a divorce-related shit sandwich.
/r/Divorce_Men12/05/21 07:47 PM
3

Sorry this is happening man. There's nothing easy about what you're going through, but be thankful that she's willing to go peacefully. Stay focussed on getting this deal signed and done before something changes on her end. Also "being friends" will be difficult and possibly unhealthy for you until you're 100% over the heartbreak. I've been divorced ~2.5 years and my ex still pops up from time to time with the "wish we could still be friends" crap. I tried in the beginning but it always ended in…
/r/Divorce_Men12/05/21 04:43 PM
5

I cut my ex off financially and she found a job pretty quick after that. I moved direct deposits out of the joint account, started handling all the grocery shopping, child care, cooking, paying bills, cleaning etc. I'd toss her a few bucks for gas and personal care necessities here and there. i did this shortly after she initiated the divorce and a couple of months before filing. Of course with the blessing and guidance from my attorney. Also worth noting that this pissed her off something awful…
/r/Divorce_Men11/05/21 08:21 PM
1

Oh man. Been there and done that. The endless thought loop of the events leading up to and the end of your marriage... the continual replay of all the bullshit that was spewed from her mouth... the struggle to understand the betrayal. I was married for 16 years and have been divorced for ~2.5. My marriage ended almost exactly as yours. Things will get better with time. You'll slowly begin to realize that the marriage wasn't that wonderful and that your partner wasn't that great (or good even). T…
/r/Divorce_Men08/05/21 05:13 PM
3

I endured this for almost 4 months and it was probably the most difficult phase of my divorce. It was a special kind of hell and it changed me permanently (good and bad). Just take it one day at a time man. Things will get much better for you. Best of luck to you.
/r/Divorce_Men07/05/21 08:12 PM
3

Don't get married
/r/Divorce_Men06/05/21 01:25 AM
2

Mediation might be a waste of time and money if there are unreasonable expectations for big ticket items on either side. just my .02
/r/Divorce_Men03/05/21 09:32 PM
3

Sounds like it's a wrap. Best of luck to you.
/r/Divorce_Men03/05/21 09:18 PM
3

Congrats man!
/r/Divorce_Men30/04/21 12:02 AM
5

Don't sign anything without having an attorney review it first. It's easy to overlook things that can end up biting you in the ass later. Your STBX doesn't need to know about this. It's not personal just business at this point. FWIW my divorce started out kind of like yours - my ex was super amiable until a lawyer, divorced friends & relatives, etc got her ear. Not trying to be alarmist but you have to look out for yourself here.
/r/Divorce_Men29/04/21 03:21 AM
2

You have an attorney answer on your behalf... unless you're newlywed, have no children, and/or no property.
/r/Divorce_Men29/04/21 02:16 AM
1

Yes. Talk to a lawyer and find out what you'll be up against then file. Your wife need not know anything about this or your desire to divorce.
/r/Divorce_Men28/04/21 07:40 PM
2

Some of the others have shared some great advice already. My situation was similar to yours and the biggest mistakes I made were confronting the ex about cheating and later attempting to discuss/plan the divorce with her. You have an opportunity to get your ducks in a row before hell breaks loose. This is especially important if you're the bread winner. Get your thoughts together and talk to a lawyer ASAP. Think austerity measures(pre-divorce), custody, child support, alimony, etc. A good attorn…
/r/Divorce_Men28/04/21 07:13 PM
1

Definitely wait until the divorce has been finalized. There's a good chance the affair partner's SO already knows.
/r/Divorce_Men27/04/21 09:08 PM
3

My ex's reasons for wanting the divorce changed at least a half dozen times throughout the separation and divorce. Everything from "I never you loved you" to "I just want to be happy" to "I hate the way you dress". Of course she was cheating. She denied it then and never fessed up to it - even when confronted with proof. Don't expect any apologies or rational explanations from your stbx because there probably won't be any. Purge this loser from your life.
/r/Divorce_Men26/04/21 07:05 PM
3

This person has zero respect for you. Who ends a marriage via text message? She even cheated in your house. Divorce asap and get yourself into therapy.
/r/Divorce_Men26/04/21 06:11 PM
1

This is basically the advice I received from a few different attorneys - My decree says the kids are to remain in the same school district\attend the same schools and if both parents relocate out of the district then it's mom's choice.
/r/Divorce_Men25/04/21 12:40 AM
1

40% of my net income
/r/Divorce_Men21/04/21 12:15 PM
2

initially I was paying around 40% for cs and alimony. This was with 50/50 custody. She decided to give up custody and relocate to a different state about a year ago which eliminated cs so currently paying around 20%.
/r/Divorce_Men18/04/21 08:52 PM
7

Maybe there was an affair that didn't work out? My ex acted similar to what you described. She cheated and never fessed up to it - even when confronted with evidence. I later found out that her lover jumped ship shortly before or after the divorce was finalized. Her personality is unrecognizable to me to this day and if anything has only gotten crazier. (It's been ~2.5 years - was married for 16) Guess the point I'm trying to make is that uncovering the affair didn't bring any closure and doesn'…
/r/Divorce_Men17/04/21 05:46 AM
2

Whose idea was the separation?
/r/Divorce_Men17/04/21 05:00 AM
5

You should move as quick as possible so she doesn’t change her minds. If you can get her to sign division of assets in front of a notary now, that would help. Timing is critical here. Get this deal signed before someone gets in her ear and changes her mind. You interview and hire the attorney and don't share any legal advice or strategy discussed with said lawyer.
/r/Divorce_Men14/04/21 04:18 AM
2

Not sure I'm following here. Did you lawyer explain why?
/r/Divorce_Men28/11/20 12:16 AM
1

That's really interesting and makes more sense than the BS alimony law in my state(or really the lack thereof). To be clear I'm not against the idea of rehabilitative support. I understand its purpose. It's the ridiculous(and expensive) cat and mouse game that goes along with it in my home state. That and there's no actual requirement for rehab on the recipient's end. My ex for example has done absolutely nothing to improve her financial situation in the past 14 months. If anything, she has take…
/r/Divorce_Men21/05/20 12:16 AM
1

Any chance you can sweet talk her into going ahead and getting the divorce over with now? At least that way you'd get the settlement locked in.
/r/Divorce_Men20/05/20 05:46 AM
1

I've never heard of anything like that. Maybe it's possible to include that kind of language in a settlement agreement? To my knowledge alimony doesn't automatically end when the ex shacks up or remarries unless those conditions are included in the order. Even then proving cohabitation to the court can be an expensive pain in the ass. That's how it works in my home state anyway.
/r/Divorce_Men20/05/20 05:01 AM
2

I think as long as you're doing it for the kids then it's fine. If it's about you, then don't. I set a budget and my kids pick out a gift.
/r/Divorce_Men07/05/20 09:44 PM
1

I think you're absolutely right. I really don't care why she's doing it. I just don't think she is being honest about her intentions.
/r/Divorce_Men02/05/20 07:48 PM
2

"if it looks like a skunk, smells like a skunk..." good advice when dealing with a rational person. stbx has always been impulsive and bad at planning & decision making in general. I never imagined she'd just throw her hands up and push the kids away though. I do have a lawyer. Meeting with her early next week to explore options. So far I've discussed what a new parenting plan and schedule might look like with the stbx, but haven't agreed to anything . Seems to me that it would be in her best in…
/r/Divorce_Men02/05/20 07:44 PM
1

D 14 and S 16 and they don't know yet. I think you're right. There has to be another man involved. Of course she won't come out and say so because doing so could jeopardize alimony. That will be my next battle. Focusing on custody for now.
/r/Divorce_Men02/05/20 07:13 PM
5

Thanks for the thoughtful reply. I'm meeting with my lawyer next week to explore options and discuss a lot of what you laid out here. I hadn't considered that she might actually have to pay child support or could have a change of heart in a few months and ask for a mulligan. I don't want or need money from her and will be sure to bring up the scenario where she wants a do-over when I meet with the attorney. I selfishly want the kids with me at all times, but do see value in their mother's partic…
/r/Divorce_Men02/05/20 08:44 AM
5

Sorry man. That's brutal. I can kind of relate. I'll probably never know if my wife actually screwed around or not (couldn't care less at this point), but caught her having an emotional/online affair with a mutual acquaintance around the time we separated. Of course she never admitted any wrongdoing. Even when confronted with the evidence. I was somehow made out to be the bad guy for bringing it up! Crazy! The city she's moving to just so happens to be where the Instagram BF is from so I assume …
/r/Divorce_Men02/05/20 06:34 AM
1

Did both a couple of weeks before filing
/r/Divorce_Men23/04/20 04:46 PM
1

I see. Has a temp hearing been scheduled?
/r/Divorce_Men22/04/20 03:13 AM
1

Which of you moved out?
/r/Divorce_Men22/04/20 02:36 AM
1

This 100%
/r/Divorce_Men21/04/20 05:09 PM
2

Been there for sure. Especially tempting to share when she breaks the silence and comes to me for emotional support or seeking advice. Try writing or typing your thoughts and wait a day to see if you still feel like sharing with her. Works for me most of the time. Open up to a close friend for family member if that doesn't work. Good luck
/r/Divorce_Men21/04/20 04:58 PM
1

Opeth's Pale Communion
/r/Divorce_Men16/04/20 05:26 AM
1

So no temp orders? I was in a similar situation just over a year ago. Cut her off financially (move auto-deposit to different bank and account, close joint credit card accounts, etc). You start doing all the shopping, cooking, cleaning , etc. Give her a little spending money to cover personal needs and/or gas. The idea is to make her want to move out. Of course run this by your attorney first. Mine actually recommended it.
/r/Divorce_Men25/03/20 11:25 PM
2

I was in your shoes this time last year. One day at a time man.
/r/Divorce_Men19/11/19 04:14 AM
1

Depends on the state. In my home state, a legal separation is essentially a type of divorce. Custody, property, assets, etc are settled and a decree of separate maintenance is issued. The terms of the settlement agreement can be applied to the eventual divorce. There's actually a language in my agreement that covers this. For me a legal separation seemed like a good idea because the ex wanted to stay on my health insurance and the state requires a very lengthy separation (18 months!) for a no fa…
/r/Divorce_Men27/10/19 07:53 AM
1

Have you discussed this with an attorney? If not, then that should be your next step. Don't accept anything less than 50% of the overnights and don't budge on that if your goal is 50/50 post divorce. Consider requesting a temporary hearing if the mother tries to prevent this. My experience - Legally separated. Settled out of court for 50/50 and equal parenting time with exchanges occurring on Friday afternoons. My kids ( ages 13 and 15) have adjusted pretty well. About six months in and they're …
/r/Divorce_Men05/09/19 04:39 AM
1

Is this what you want or are you just settling? If the latter, then lawyer up, put the emotions on ice, and fight for 50/50. My ex verbally agreed to 50/50 when she initiated the divorce...then found out how much child support she'd get if I'd agree to the every other weekend deal. I was like you (blindsided, still in love, willing to fight for her, etc) until she pulled this bullshit with the kids. It cost time and money to fight, but we ended up settling out of court with her agreeing to 50/50…
/r/Divorce_Men20/08/19 03:36 AM
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