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RepresentativeOk5968 Archive

View 1 posts and 209 comments by RepresentativeOk5968 on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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Upvotes Title Category Author Subreddit Date (UTC)
9

RepresentativeOk5968/r/Divorce_Men09/12/21 10:15 PM
Upvotes Comment on Subreddit Date (UTC)
12

I think if they are old enough, it is acceptable to say it is not mutual. Younger kids probably will not understand. But we, as men, need to get out of this martyr complex we carry that no matter the harms done to us, we take it for " the greater good" or "for the children ". You dont need to demonize the mom, but if my ex and I had kids, I would absolutely have told them about her affairs and why I initiated divorce. She doesn't get to act innocent and kids would deserve to know.
/r/Divorce_Men04/01/26 06:38 PM
3

Nah, I kept pretty much all our friends.
/r/Divorce_Men02/01/26 10:31 PM
3

As long as a lawyer does not break the law, they are entitled to give the best representation to their client. This SHOULD include advising a bitter ex spouse to drop a flimsy case. Yet, if said client wants to go forward, lawyer is obligated to do their best. I do believe some can excuse themselves from representing clients who are completely off the wall. Though to others, that is still billable hours so who knows.
/r/Divorce_Men15/12/25 07:29 PM
1

Heck, I would turn it around and call her homophobic. Women care about being called names like that less than men do.
/r/Divorce_Men10/12/25 07:20 PM
1

OP you list stupid reasons for divorce yet at the same time, I think you should because you also seem a prime candidate to cheat on your wife. You'll drag things out with affairs for the next 5-10 years; looking for that "excitement" only to discover it won't fill that hole inside you. Your wife will discover it eventually or notice you checking out and will initiate divorce herself (women initiate 2/3 of divorce) and then you'll end up paying her alimony and possibly child support for the kid y…
/r/Divorce_Men08/12/25 04:36 PM
17

I am sorry to hear that. I hope you and your kids are reunited. Only silver lining here is that at least you get to stop paying onerous alimony. I wish I had that option a few years back.
/r/Divorce_Men26/11/25 06:37 PM
3

Year and a half. Glad I waited and didn't go out with anything that moved (advice I got from various friends).
/r/Divorce_Men20/11/25 07:49 PM
1

I can speak from the opposite side, being the child of a single mother. I was a fairly low maintenance child, if I do say so myself, but I didn't figure any of my step-dads had a great deal for them even so.
/r/Divorce_Men12/11/25 04:09 PM
3

Very little upside to being a stepparent. Combine that with downsides of dealing with: baby daddy, not being accepted by the child, possible no control since it's not "your child", and also now you are coming in last place in the house behind mom and any kids. No thanks.
/r/Divorce_Men12/11/25 03:58 PM
4

Don't move out. It is your home too. I would Caution that she may and try to get you kicked out through a restraining order if she can convince people you are being abusive. So always watch yourself and have witnesses. Be above reproach because you will be assumed to be the problem unfortunately because you are the man.
/r/Divorce_Men14/10/25 02:49 PM
7

Not I. Of course her cheating with a bunch of randos unprotected made me extremely leery of ever touching that again. I got lucky I didn't catch anything. Trsted myself 3 times over the next year yo be sure.
/r/Divorce_Men11/09/25 04:37 PM
7

Absolutely this. If I have to read another story of a dude opening his marriage or "hotwifing" that inevitably ends in divorce I'll go insane. So called ethical nonmonogamy is just cheating with extra steps and I've yet to have this proven wrong.
/r/Divorce_Men13/08/25 09:27 PM
3

Doubtful. Mean spirited narcissistic people never see the light in this way.
/r/Divorce_Men05/08/25 06:11 PM
1

Came to say almost exactly this.
/r/Divorce_Men29/04/25 08:45 PM
2

Honestly, I cant imagine an escort being worth that much over free p#rn.
/r/Divorce_Men31/03/25 09:22 PM
2

Everyone is different. Only you can say how long it will take to heal and try again. That being said, I would wait at least a year before even trying to date again.
/r/Divorce_Men11/03/25 10:00 PM
1

We had 2 dogs and a cat. One dog was hers before relationship, the other dog was obtained during the relationship and ostensibly was "mine" (a gift). The cat was communal as a stray kitten we got. I kept the cat, I gave her the 2 dogs. At the time I thought it would be better to keep the dogs together because they were so attached. My ex let me know my dog died late last year. I miss that goober.
/r/Divorce_Men10/03/25 01:15 PM
3

I sold mine for far less than what it cost. If I were thinking, I would have snagged her ring too while she wasn't looking (before filing) so I could sell that too. With what she did, I don't think she deserved to keep the ring.
/r/Divorce_Men06/03/25 03:43 AM
5

Find a country to move to. Move all your assets out of the country. Don't pay her a dime. P.S. ok probably not best idea but everytime i hear about abusive alimony, it pisses me off.
/r/Divorce_Men25/02/25 12:48 AM
3

I hear you. Online dating is such a terrible way for men especially to find anyone these days. Women have far too many messages and attention on apps so it is very hard to break through that clutter to stand out. I will admit, I went old school. I got involved in a new hobby to get out of my current social group (which was mainly male anyway). I found my now wife at a local social club and have been married 2 years now. Honestly I cannot recommend this enough, put down the apps and get out into …
/r/Divorce_Men13/02/25 09:50 PM
22

I submit into evidence exhibit the 1,003,897th time opening a marriage lead to cheating and betrayal.
/r/Divorce_Men08/02/25 04:11 PM
7

It takes about 30 min to kick in. I take "pre-emptively" before expecting sexual activity. So don't take it at the start of the date, but rather if it looks like it is heading that way, take in the bathroom before you leave the restaurant etc. Of course it's not the end of the world if it is a false alarm. It won't make you embarass yourself in front of "children and old ladies". You still need to be sexually stimulated for it to kick in. You're not going to get a random erection for no reason. …
/r/Divorce_Men25/01/25 01:58 PM
1

If that's the case, ensure you get things wrapped up quickly before she decides going it alone is too difficult and she wants to take more of your assets because she somehow "deserves it".
/r/Divorce_Men03/01/25 01:13 PM
1

If amicable and you can agree on the split, you basically just have a judge rubber stamp the agreement and you are good. I think only in very unfair agreements would the judge intervene. With kids, they will also want to ensure they have adequate support. Never a bad idea to try and split the things yourselves. However, beware because once you get to talking all the finance stuff, many times the gloves come off; her lawyer and/or friends may start egging her on to get more and more. I've seen it…
/r/Divorce_Men03/01/25 12:54 PM
8

Some people deep down are terrible people. They try to cover it up with stuff and money. But she still has to live with herself and what she has done wrong.
/r/Divorce_Men27/12/24 02:07 PM
2

She cheated and is feeling guilty enough to not ask for alimony. I'd take that deal in a minute. Wish my cheating ex was so guilt ridden.
/r/Divorce_Men21/12/24 12:23 AM
1

My ex cheated and kept cheating after being caught. I really didn't have a choice at that point. At least not if I wanted to keep my self respect and sanity. Honestly the couple days it took me to get my affairs in order and had to pretend everything was fine was hardest thing I've ever done.
/r/Divorce_Men12/12/24 03:07 AM
1

You get your attorney to file your own motions. Any lawyer worth his salt will file for temp support and house for you. Don't let her set the expectation that you need to suffer the most this whole time.
/r/Divorce_Men29/11/24 04:11 AM
1

Doesn't quite work like that. Get an attorney ASAP. They will advise you of your rights. Many times, they can even ask for some sort of temporary support during the proceedings. Don't give up before you've even started.
/r/Divorce_Men29/11/24 04:02 AM
1

Ah dang son, sounds like she is going to owe you palimony to ensure your lifestyle is not affected by the divorce. Don't settle for less than 50/50 custody. They are your kids and don't let her bully you with her money.
/r/Divorce_Men29/11/24 03:57 AM
3

Yes it gets better. Yes you can enjoy life again. I was married for 5 and together for 9 years total. I initiated divorce after discovering her continuous cheating. Never thought I would be one of those types who gets divorced but there I was, just shy of 40 and freshly divorce. Now, 3 years later my life is better than ever. I am in a much better relationship with someone who truly values me. Divorce is not the end. Fight each day to make your life what you want. Don't let her ruin you.
/r/Divorce_Men29/11/24 03:54 AM
1

Frankly at that age, I would think it is fine. And if they say it isn't, you can always sleep on the couch in the living room if for some reason it is insisted that each kid needs their own room (which seems overkill to me).
/r/Divorce_Men29/11/24 03:52 AM
1

If you can't afford it, how is she? In either case, don't cede control of the house. Why should she get to enjoy use of the house and you don't?
/r/Divorce_Men29/11/24 03:50 AM
5

Time. I think I was "luckier" than most in that I discovered her cheating on me. From that point forward, I lost pretty much all feelings of affection for her. She was dead to me. She tried to hug me goodbye the last time I saw here (when they was getting her stuff out of my house) and I rebuffed her. No, you don't get to touch me and pretend like everything is ok because it is not. But time will make things ache a little less. You make new friends or reconnect with old ones, take up new hobbies…
/r/Divorce_Men29/11/24 03:47 AM
4

This is the way. Obviously the kid is endangered due to a very unsafe plumbing situation. You'll take her for the day so they can resolve the issue and get everything safe for children again.
/r/Divorce_Men29/11/24 03:43 AM
1

I mean you should be fine but file sooner rather than later. At 3 years in FL, you are a short term marriage but at 7 years, it becomes a medium termed marriage and things start to get dicier. For the child, are you on the birth certificate or did you adopt them? If the child is not yours, you'll want to ensure you are not on the hook to pay her child support.
/r/Divorce_Men29/11/24 03:17 AM
12

If not a rage-bait post, run far and long.
/r/Divorce_Men02/10/24 03:19 AM
1

First of all, you are going to hear a bunch of things that are not true on divorce. Yes, it sucks more for men financially and for child custody since all divorce courts everywhere favor women. However, that does not mean you can't get custody of the kids. It does not mean you have to move out of your house or give it to her outright. Definitely don't move out of the house and cede it to her. Get a lawyer today who will look out for your best interests in this proceeding. There is always a lot o…
/r/Divorce_Men17/08/24 05:54 PM
1

Pretty sure 100 is by definition the average IQ is it not?
/r/Divorce_Men24/07/24 01:53 AM
9

Oh god yes. Knew my ex wife for 8 years (dated for 4, married for 4) and then out of nowhere, she wants to "open the relationship". We had never fought, never had nights we went to bed angry with each other, or anything like that. But she wanted to have relations with other men (and women). Once it was clear I wasn't moving fast enough for her, she decided to just cheat on me with anybody she could find. She literally stopped being the woman I fell in love with and who I thought loved me. It was…
/r/Divorce_Men24/07/24 01:51 AM
4

Found out she had been cheating on me. Tried to do the counseling thing for months. She said she was over it. Found out she was still cheating on me. Kicked her out and served her papers the next week. When it's time, it is time to just get the deed done. No sense dragging it out.
/r/Divorce_Men20/05/24 11:06 PM
1

I got the same advice during my divorce; mostly from my friends who figured I needed to go out and smash coeds 15 years my junior. Don't listen to it, you do you on how you recover and move on.
/r/Divorce_Men19/05/24 04:25 PM
8

Sounds like you are trying to talk yourself into something. I wouldn't bother. Plenty of fish out there without having to deal with a single mom. And that is speaking as the child of a single mom. It's no picnic for any potential step dad.
/r/Divorce_Men07/05/24 12:30 AM
5

Lucky for me, I met my true soul mate about 2 years later. I couldn't be happier. I also never thought I would meet anybody else. Don't let your ex (or yourself) convince you that you are not worthy of being loved and respected.
/r/Divorce_Men23/04/24 11:06 PM
2

Finish the process. How can you stay with someone who has hurt you so much already? She is just losing her nerve because she knows she messed up. I guarantee, if you stay she will file again soon enough and it will be 10 times worse.
/r/Divorce_Men31/03/24 03:16 PM
1

Take up a new hobby (or dive further into an existing one). Spend more time with friends. Focus on work. Workout more to feel better about yourself. The point is to fill your life with other things of import that take your mind off wallowing in your sadness. All these things will not necessarily fill the void you experience now, but over time, you will find that you miss her less and less.
/r/Divorce_Men29/03/24 08:52 AM
2

I would have caused her ring to be "misplaced". I would also have been firmer on the negotiations. I just wanted things to be done when it came time to mediation and I believe I overpaid. Even though after speaking with fellow men and friends I realize I got off relatively light, it still haunts me how she basically got paid for cheating on me. Never once did she say sorry. Rankles even now 4 years later. I can only hope the money I gave her ran out and she is back to living in a crappy apartmen…
/r/Divorce_Men29/03/24 08:49 AM
2

Divorce does tend to bring out the worst in people.
/r/Divorce_Men29/03/24 08:41 AM
1

The 51st state...
/r/Divorce_Men07/01/24 03:07 PM
2

Unfortunately no matter what women say, you have to look at what they do. Women far and away prefer their man to make more than them. As others have said, most women will look down on their man making less than them; even if it's subconscious, it is still there. It isn't really their fault either. For our ancestors, women knew their children would have the best chance to grow and thrive if their partner was big, strong, and had the most resources. That continues to today even though, at least in…
/r/Divorce_Men30/12/23 09:16 PM
18

At no point do I see you state anything that your husband is doing that is making you unhappy. All you've stated is that he is better at making friends. What is so terrible about this person? Don't be thinking about divorce just because you are depressed. Seems like you need to work on that first.
/r/Divorce_Men17/12/23 07:53 PM
1

I actually used a female therapist after I discovered her cheating the first time to see if anything could be saved. We went a few times as a couple. The therapist was actually on my side more often than not because she recognized my ex was on a bad path. I even went to the therapist a time or two during the divorce as well but stopped soon after. I don't regret it and it did help me to talk with someone if for no other reason than to get it out instead of bottling everything up. By the way, I a…
/r/Divorce_Men17/12/23 03:49 PM
1

Yeah I wouldn't sign your name off the deed until you know what you're getting. Seen too many people get hosed from trusting someone financially.
/r/Divorce_Men17/12/23 03:44 PM
1

I met mine at the local community theater. We hit it off and it's been going great going on 2 years now.
/r/Divorce_Men17/12/23 02:42 PM
2

Pawn shopped mine. If I had been thinking, I would have swiped her ring before dropping papers to help pay for the lawyers.
/r/Divorce_Men04/11/23 10:09 PM
9

Nice. Way to score a win for those of us who had to pay out big to their useless exes.
/r/Divorce_Men03/08/23 02:22 AM
3

Unfortunately this is the "trap" that many men fall into; their wife becomes their whole social life. We stop making friends outside of the marriage because we think our wife will fill that social need for us. You are finding how that is not a good long term plan. I will say, that after my divorce I made an effort to strengthen my friendship with current acquaintances who shared my hobby (board gaming). I also took up new hobbies to make new friends from different circles (salsa dancing, communi…
/r/Divorce_Men28/07/23 03:30 PM
1

Maybe. That is why I would probably just offer the straight 50/50. Of course your lawyer can tell you if it is worth bothering to subtract the 6% potential sales and closing fees in the deal. Probably not because she could always counter that you may just perform the sale yourself or negotiate away closing costs in a potential future sale. Easier to just split without trying to get too cute now.
/r/Divorce_Men28/07/23 03:25 PM
2

Well you can offer pretty much anything in the divorce. If you and your ex sign off on an agreement, then as long as it is not overtly unfair, a judge will just rubber stamp it. I guess you could argue the closing costs cutting into the profit but not sure how far you will get. I don't think it will come to much.
/r/Divorce_Men28/07/23 01:31 PM
3

Yeah she is trying to get it into your head that she has a right to the house. If you give in and move out, she will then claim even more and more of yours because she has shown that you can be bullied. Stand up firmly but politely. And lawyer up yesterday!
/r/Divorce_Men27/07/23 08:57 PM
1

She can't force you out. It is equally both of yours house. However, be aware if she tries to force the issue legally. She may put a restraining order on you claiming any number of things to effectively get you out of the house. She may ask for the divorce filing that she have exclusive use of the home during the entire proceedings etc. Your only hope is to move first. Ensure that your lawyer drafts up in the divorce documents that you will be allowed use of the home during the divorce. If you'r…
/r/Divorce_Men27/07/23 08:55 PM
3

Well I wouldn't call it a good sign for her. Either the previous attorney was bad so she fired him. Or he was good, she tried to pull some shenanigans, and he walked away so she "fired" him.
/r/Divorce_Men27/07/23 08:45 PM
1

I would not suggest emptying out your retirement to pay her. Even if you have to do monthly payments so you can keep your investments working for you.
/r/Divorce_Men27/07/23 08:43 PM
2

Refinancing is probably not the best option right now due to mortgage rates going up. If you have a rate under 5% then you should probably stand pat and look to buy her out of her portion. Now the math can be simple or hard depending on time but basically the marital home is considered to be shared between the two of you; even if she is not on the mortgage. You might have some case if you already had the house before the marriage and your marriage was not that long. In that case, you may be in b…
/r/Divorce_Men27/07/23 08:41 PM
1

If I'm honest, we were not compatible sexually. I was a virgin when we got together while she had had many more partners up to that point. On the whole, I was not up for sexual relations much after the beginning. I told myself it was my own fault, then I blamed her for putting on a lot of weight in a short period of time (internally because I never said it until the very end). When she wanted to spice up the love life, I was not ready and frankly rather vanilla. Of course then she wanted to open…
/r/Divorce_Men27/07/23 08:34 PM
1

I mean if you think her appraisal was too high, then get a 2nd opinion. But I would say that appraisal is pretty good for you having only gone up 10k in 2 years.
/r/Divorce_Men27/07/23 08:20 PM
1

When I bought out my ex wife, my lawyer drafted up a quit claim for her to sign. Fairly simple process (I'm in FL). I have to say it was really satisfying to tell her to get out of my house that last day. "But this is my home too". Not anymore!!!
/r/Divorce_Men27/07/23 08:03 PM
1

INFO: Are you keeping the home and buying her out of the equity? Or are you selling the home and splitting the proceeds? It sounds like you are buying her out of her part of the house and staying put yes? If so, I don't see much of a difference in getting another appraisal. Ultimately I don't see the point in playing games on this particular point. Also, when you bought the house, did you buy it together? You said "I bought". I know marital home means something but just curious on that.
/r/Divorce_Men27/07/23 07:53 PM
1

Sucks to say but you'll end up giving her alimony AND child support. Judge MAY give you joint custody which would reduce your child support burden but sounds like she has been doing most of the child care up to this point seeing as how she doesn't really work. As others have said, you can hammer out an agreement between you and your wife before the split and get it written up and most judges will rubber stamp those agreements as long as they are not grossly out of whack to one party.
/r/Divorce_Men21/07/23 07:56 PM
8

Nope. Sex is far and away better with my wife than with my ex. Heck, even masturbation was better than sex with my ex.
/r/Divorce_Men21/07/23 07:51 PM
2

Agreed. I dropped my cheating ex like a bad habit. Had to pay a pretty penny for the privilege (thanks stupid outdated alimony laws). Haven't talked to her since in over 2.5 years. Just got married to the most awesome woman I've ever met. We are supremely happy and my new wife is more angry at my ex than I am now. Pretty sure she would fight her if they met. Life is good and all my money won't make my ex happy so that makes me happy. Schadenfreude!
/r/Divorce_Men21/07/23 07:50 PM
2

I love these types of stories.
/r/Divorce_Men07/09/22 06:19 PM
1

Hope she enjoys being in contempt of court. Use the long arm of the law to force compliance. That is literally why you have a judge sign off on the order. She is going to fuck around and find out.
/r/Divorce_Men07/09/22 05:51 PM
2

I don't think you can claim any part of her inheritance. But definitely explore bad faith on her part in being underemployed. Also not using her money to pay her mortgage and instead put it into a 401k that she expects you to pay for seems extremely sketchy. Good luck on this because it sounds like she is trying to make you hurt in this divorce.
/r/Divorce_Men27/06/22 04:11 PM
6

"Men are presumed guilty until proven innocent in a court of law (and even then not really)." - Reddit (essentially)
/r/Divorce_Men24/06/22 06:11 PM
2

Not much. Maybe you can convince the authorities that he or your wife both are a danger to the kids being drunk and high around the kids with violence being threatened but that's a stretch. File today!
/r/Divorce_Men20/06/22 11:55 PM
3

Heck no. She want to move out, already had an affair, marriage is already over. Stop giving her the opportunity to take more from you and start divorce now.
/r/Divorce_Men02/06/22 07:46 PM
1

If you have tons of money and don't mind airing all your dirty laundry, yes you can win a case as a man. However, even still they had to cut the sting of Amber Heard losing by giving her a token amount of money to allow her to save face. That's why certain outlets say that "Deep and Heard both guilty of defamation" instead of the more accurate headline of "Depp wins".
/r/Divorce_Men02/06/22 07:42 PM
1

Don't be afraid to go on vacation alone. I went on a cruise by myself on Norwegian and got one of those solo cabins. There is plenty to do on a cruise ship, make some new (temporary) friends, and have fun by yourself. It may sound scary, but really it can be very relaxing knowing you can do things on your schedule and you don't have to coordinate with somebody where you are going to eat, what you are going to do, etc.
/r/Divorce_Men30/05/22 01:20 AM
1

Nope. Go with your original feeling. This is what's called the "honeymoon phase" where after a blowup, the other person acts all sweet and nice to make up for their sh#55y behavior. It is a hallmark of abusive behavior. Continue down your path as after 12 years you realized this is not the person you want to stay with. A couple months of makeup do not mean she's changed. You said yourself she is feeling sorry for herself and trying to keep you from leaving because she knows her chances out in th…
/r/Divorce_Men07/04/22 12:22 PM
2

I learned that too late. I didn't even marry a poor woman; she was a nurse. But she decided to stop working much in the last couple years of our marriage and never strove to make more (turned down educational opportunities, extra hours etc). By the time we divorced she had been fired from her job and been out of work for over a year.
/r/Divorce_Men07/04/22 12:17 PM
2

Alimony is about 50 years out of date now. Most women are not defenseless SAHM who have no skills to earn a living. Women are on the whole are more educated than men so should be able to support themselves (assuming they don't get a useless degree for way too much money which is a topic for another thread). Disgusting that it is still a thing.
/r/Divorce_Men07/04/22 12:15 PM
1

Depends. Shouldn't matter much either way unless one party decides they want to stay in the house and not sell. Then the other party can either get bought out of their half of the house or the courts will force a sale and split of the proceeds. For me, I stayed in the house during the divorce (I filed while she was staying at her mother's so it would be harder for her to come back to the house) and petitioned to keep the house. I had to pay her half of the equity. Which worked out pretty well be…
/r/Divorce_Men02/04/22 04:01 PM
1

Honestly, being in CA you're going to get raked across the coals if your soon to be ex wife wants to. Best I can say to do is to file as soon as possible, preferrably file yourself. Don't wait for her to file. The first mover gets a bit of an advantage. Do your best to be fair and impartial in the splitting of assets. Get your lawyer to ensure you do things by the book. Don't get emotional but also don't fold over every little demand she has. Keep everything civil but hold your ground when she g…
/r/Divorce_Men02/04/22 03:50 PM
1

It gets better. Everybody is a little different. For me, we were together 10 years, married for 5 of those. I was angry and sad pretty much constantly for the first 6 months after I found out she was cheating. I'm not over a year from finalized divorce and I no longer feel sadness. Only a low burn anger for her actions. I also feel no love anymore; that died during the divorce proceedings when she decided to go full money suck on me despite being the one in the wrong. Find something else to take…
/r/Divorce_Men30/03/22 06:14 PM
1

With what his wife did to him, he's lashing out at the wrong target. It's obvious he still feels shame for her cheating but he's convinced himself he's ok with it so he reacts very negatively against anyone belittling her. Even something as innocuous as a throw away joke from Rock.
/r/Divorce_Men30/03/22 06:11 PM
1

No hard feelings as long as you give her absolutely everything she demands and you sacrifice yourself for her convenience. What a deal!
/r/Divorce_Men30/03/22 06:08 PM
2

Good luck. If your wife is typical, the EXACT MINUTE she is served papers, the knives will come out. Watch your back!
/r/Divorce_Men30/03/22 06:07 PM
2

Good for you. Women love to use divorce as a reason to bludgeon men. No need to unilaterally disarm. Be firm but civil in your discourse. Don't get angry and don't give outbursts but be quietly diligent in your work to limit your exposure and then when a deal favorable to you is signed, sealed, and delivered, then you can spike the football. Until then, be stoic.
/r/Divorce_Men30/03/22 06:06 PM
2

You have video evidence of her abusing you and you can't find a lawyer to make it stick in court? Find a better lawyer.
/r/Divorce_Men18/02/22 03:21 PM
2

Donating plasma can get you couple hundred bucks more a month with fairly minimal effort. P.S. plus that money doesn't count as income so can't be imputed by the law (or the IRS).
/r/Divorce_Men18/02/22 03:20 PM
2

Yeah, with 50/50 custody and her making almost twice as much as you, she should be paying you (if you go by today's silly standards, frankly I don't think either should pay the other).
/r/Divorce_Men17/02/22 01:35 PM
10

Single mother and referring to ex as "baby daddy" is the hugest of huge red flags Overly medicated for variety of conditions. If you're under age of 40, you shouldn't need to take 8 pills a day as a reasonably healthy human imo. Especially when most of them are for mental health. Low wage or no job. Expects me to support them. Old me from 20 years ago was fine with this classic arrangement. Now that I'm older and wiser, I see how much it doesn't serve the modern man well. We get all the responsi…
/r/Divorce_Men16/02/22 02:28 PM
2

It's really not. I tried dating website for a few months and received literally nothing out of it. I'm not one for casual hookups either so I don't care for that. I'm pretty old school and classical in my approach to dating so today's hookup culture is just disgusting to me.
/r/Divorce_Men15/02/22 06:58 PM
1

Get out now. Longer you wait, the worse it is for you both mentally and financially. At 5 years this is a short term marriage which means alimony will also be shorter. Note: don't kid yourself, she WILL go after you for alimony. Even if she doesn't believe she will, her lawyer and girlfriends will convince her to do it because it is what she's "owed". Stop trying to feed this dead horse, cut the dead weight.
/r/Divorce_Men15/02/22 06:57 PM
1

Stop paying for ridiculous stuff she doesn't run by you. Medical expense; sure. $500 in school supplies??? That seems excessive and probably includes a couple hundred dollars of stuff for mommy.
/r/Divorce_Men15/02/22 06:48 PM
2

I had a normal and peaceful day. Plus the girl I'm friendly with doesn't do Valentine's day so didn't have to do that craziness.
/r/Divorce_Men15/02/22 06:44 PM
2

Beautiful.
/r/Divorce_Men14/02/22 10:19 PM
2

30% of my take home pay for 2 years (rehabilitative alimony because she had been out of work over a year by that point). She tried to go after my military pension as well but I shut that down. She tried to go after my 401k but I stopped that. With division of assets she ended up with just over 100k all told. 5 years of marriage. On the bright side, she'll probably blow through all that fairly quickly then she'll be on the wrong side of 40, obese, and used up.
/r/Divorce_Men14/02/22 10:17 PM
2

Yup. Dated 4 years before proposing. Married for 5 years after that. However, at year 3 of the marriage, she changed and became such a different person. I never would have thought her capable of cheating on me repeatedly like she did and just not even feel bad about it. I knew she had some trauma in the past, but it's like she developed all the mental health problems at once. She used that to explain her behavior but I kicked her out regardless. I'm sure she is still out there getting all the st…
/r/Divorce_Men14/02/22 10:10 PM
2

Your story sounds like mine on almost the same timeline. Once a cheater, always a cheater. To answer your questions, yes, you should definitely be up front with the family on why you are splitting. She doesn't get to set the narrative that this is somehow all your fault because that is what she WILL do if you don't get the truth out. I have no sympathy for cheaters and liars and she should live with the consequences of her actions. Keep the children out of it as much as possible but at their age…
/r/Divorce_Men14/02/22 10:01 PM
1

I play strategic board games with friends (but I've always done that). Use meetup app or FB to find local events in your area. Doesn't really matter what your hobby is but it helps if it gets you out of the house and meeting other people. You don't want to wall yourself off in your home to waste away in the dark. Be social and get out there.
/r/Divorce_Men10/02/22 08:01 PM
1

Feel free to do what you like. Personally, I wouldn't feel right until after the divorce is finalized as that is cheating in my mind. Yes, even if she cheated on you first, doesn't mean you get to do wrong as well. The fact that you are asking, should kind of be an indication that you believe there may be something wrong with it too. No reason to rush things. Finalize details at home before jumping into bed with another woman. Just my 2 coppers...
/r/Divorce_Men09/02/22 02:12 PM
1

Telling kids the truth is different from "poisoning them against" the mom. If she is filing baseless accusations against you and preventing you from seeing the kids, that is her poisoning their relationship with YOU. She doesn't get to benefit using such tactics. Keep it as neutral as possible but DO NOT sacrifice your relationship with the kids just to protect her from her bad deeds. The truth will be come out in the end, just make sure you are there for your kids and don't let your ex shove yo…
/r/Divorce_Men09/02/22 02:10 PM
7

Home shouldn't count as a marital asset if he bought it before the marriage. Now the appreciation of equity over the 4 years of marriage may have to be split 50/50 but she shouldn't get 50% of the entire house just because they are married (or I hope not, not sure how Michigan works).
/r/Divorce_Men09/02/22 02:07 PM
2

Agreed. I foolishly paid for 3 months on one of these apps and got precisely 0 replies from anybody that mutually matched (they liked me and I liked them) that I spent the time to send a message to. And I'm talking actual messsage expressing interest and not just a "sup". I received a grand total of 1 message out of the blue from a lady 20 years my senior. So yeah, waste of money and time. Now I figure I'm about average looking but it was a blood bath out there.
/r/Divorce_Men09/02/22 12:42 AM
1

I'm a year out from my finalized divorce from cheating ex. I haven't been on one date (except 1 that was explicitly platonic). Not sure I'm all that choked up about getting back out there honestly.
/r/Divorce_Men09/02/22 12:39 AM
2

I went through this last year. I bought her out of her portion of the equity and kept and still live in the house. There was no reason for her to stay in it, she had moved back in with her mom. And my job is in town so I didn't need or want to move. I had it written into the divorce decree that she signed over her portion of the house to me. A few months later I also refinanced to get a lower rate so my mortgage is even less now.
/r/Divorce_Men09/02/22 12:32 AM
1

I don't care about her at all anymore. Fortunately we had no kids so I don't care how she feels about me. Frankly she should be kissing the ground I walk on for what she made out financially from our time together. She probably won't realize how good she had it until she blows through all my money and then realizes nobody wants her.
/r/Divorce_Men09/02/22 12:29 AM
2

Don't do that.
/r/Divorce_Men09/02/22 12:28 AM
2

I got a new car. Nothing particular wrong with my old one, I'd bought it new and had it for 15 years. But I figured I needed to get myself something to make me feel alive for a bit.
/r/Divorce_Men09/02/22 12:26 AM
3

Well for me our mediation lasted 8 hours (!) and ultimately I gave up more than I thought I would have to. Maybe I had unrealistic expectations of what I was going to need to pay for a 5 year marriage. But she had mental health issues (that had cropped up in the last year) and hadn't worked full time for about 2 years. I was the primary breadwinner so I knew I was going to pay. Not going to lie, I cried at the end of the mediation because of how much I was going to have to pay this cheating ex-s…
/r/Divorce_Men13/01/22 05:15 PM
1

RUN, don't walk to file your divorce. The longer you wait, the more you pay and the more you let her continue to abuse you.
/r/Divorce_Men13/01/22 05:09 PM
2

You're talking about at-fault divorce. That used to be the norm. Then they decided that all divorces should be no-fault by default. I believe you can still try and get an at-fault divorce decree but I think it's quite difficult.
/r/Divorce_Men11/01/22 01:06 AM
2

Don't trust anything she says or she claims her lawyer said.
/r/Divorce_Men10/01/22 10:39 PM
1

This. The military has many assets and tools for use of service members for legal proceedings. Contact your JAG immediately.
/r/Divorce_Men10/01/22 10:38 PM
1

You're lucky this happened now and not 5-10 years later. Find a lawyer, get the divorce finalized as quickly as you can. If you do have a bonus coming for reenlistment, you should be safe as long as it comes after the date of separation in the divorce. It depends on jurisdiction but generally from the moment the divorce is filed, that is usually when finances start to separate. But that is all the more reason to ensure you have proper legal advice. You're not the first military guy to get "Dear …
/r/Divorce_Men10/01/22 10:37 PM
2

I have good and bad news for you. The bad news, she will start banging other dudes way before you. It may even come across as heartless and cruel how fast she'll move on to introducing her next guy to your kids. The good news? She's not your problem anymore! Let her go do whatever it is she's going to do. Concentrate on your kids.
/r/Divorce_Men10/01/22 10:33 PM
1

Sometimes both!
/r/Divorce_Men10/01/22 10:30 PM
2

Can confirm...
/r/Divorce_Men10/01/22 10:29 PM
2

Lol, my ex was a nurse too. She definitely went crazy there at the end.
/r/Divorce_Men10/01/22 10:29 PM
1

At 2 years, we're looking at a short term marriage (depends on jurisdiction, but where I am, anything under 7 years is 'short term' which determines part of any kind of support judgement). Also, in 2 years, any assets you have together will not have appreciated as much. I would say, if you want to get out, get out now. Don't wait and let it slouch along and put even more of your worth at risk.
/r/Divorce_Men10/01/22 10:28 PM
1

Heck, I'd thank the guy for revealing how much of a terrible person my cheating ex-spouse was (I mean not right away, but years later). Especially as he seems to be stringing your ex along. He'll never commit to her, he just likes having a side piece or three.
/r/Divorce_Men10/01/22 10:24 PM
1

Even still, the validation you give this woman who destroyed your marriage is not worth it. If she did come to you for sex, she would just be using you. Don't allow her to use you man.
/r/Divorce_Men10/01/22 10:21 PM
1

Well rule of thumb should be cheating cheaters get the couch...
/r/Divorce_Men10/01/22 10:20 PM
3

Well she doesn't get any points for her wanting you to have the house. It's your pre-marital home so she has no say in that. I mean I get her wanting to save up before she moves out but guess what, she will magically never "have enough" to move out I suspect. She wants to have her cake and eat it too. For me, she cheated, she gets booted. Son can stay with you until she has a reasonable accommodations for him. She doesn't get to dictate terms because she's the cheater. Let her go move in with on…
/r/Divorce_Men10/01/22 10:19 PM
1

You're screwed.
/r/Divorce_Men10/01/22 03:04 AM
3

She obviously doesn't care to talk to you so I would stop as well if I were you. It just comes across as desperate and sad. She's moved on, I suggest you do too.
/r/Divorce_Men06/01/22 05:01 PM
2

This warms the cockles of my cold, dead heart.
/r/Divorce_Men06/01/22 04:26 PM
2

I put it into my divorce agreement that we file jointly for the last year and split the return or payment owed.
/r/Divorce_Men06/01/22 04:22 PM
1

It's not illegal but can be a tiresome topic for friends and family if that is all you want to talk about. Also, maybe not the best strategic move as what you say to a friend may get back to her and may be used against you.
/r/Divorce_Men06/01/22 04:09 PM
2

For me, I'd believe them when they are upset and emotional. That's when people are unable to hold themselves back out of politeness, fear of consequences etc. Just as they say there is truth in wine, there is probably truth in hysterics as well.
/r/Divorce_Men06/01/22 04:07 PM
1

Maybe spend it on non-assets, trips, dinners, shows etc. You can split that in a divorce. But be careful, if her attorney thinks you were being profligate, they may be able to claw back some of that marital cash that you "wasted".
/r/Divorce_Men06/01/22 03:18 PM
1

Here I thought I had vetted my ex wife because we dated for 5 years before I proposed (we were both in our 30s as well so had settled into who we were). But it's like a switch turned on in year 3-4 of marriage and she decided she wanted a more adventurous marriage (swinging) which came out of left field to me. Of course she didn't wait for me to give the go ahead before she started sleeping with every dick in town (and out of town). I felt I did everything right and I still failed. That's what g…
/r/Divorce_Men06/01/22 03:16 PM
2

I would assume that my ex would be getting married again soon now that alimony has dried up. That is if she wasn't literally 150 lbs overweight and a literal mess now that is...so maybe not. Also she's too busy getting Strange from literally EVERYBODY on Fetlife to "settle down".
/r/Divorce_Men06/01/22 02:53 PM
1

Not that I'm doubting your story but I don't see how any reasonable judge would award all your retirement AND 90% of other assets in a divorce if you have the kid. Unless most of those assets were hers before the marriage? What am I missing here?
/r/Divorce_Men06/01/22 02:48 PM
1

I have seen this first hand. My exe didn't have much to her name except 50k in student loan debts. Maybe a couple thousand in a 401k that her daddy set up for her. Then we split and she instantly has more money than she has ever had in her life at the snap of her fingers. It was so infuriarting; especially when I offered what I felt was a fair settlement of our accounts and she went after me for alimony anyway...
/r/Divorce_Men06/01/22 02:44 PM
2

Meh, that's what this subreddit is for.
/r/Divorce_Men06/01/22 02:42 PM
2

Not advocating illegality but the bitter guy in me will live vicariously through you if you do this. :)
/r/Divorce_Men06/01/22 02:15 PM
1

As others have said, hiding money will not work if she and her attorney are even half awake/competent. Best advice I've seen below is spend that money now on non-assets (trips, dinners, etc). That is to say, stuff that cannot be divided during the divorce. But again, if you are too obvious and profligate leading up to the divorce, she might be able to argue that you were draining your marital accounts to give her less. It's a tough loss but ultimately, best thing to do is to start proceedings as…
/r/Divorce_Men06/01/22 02:13 PM
1

Bratislava?
/r/Divorce_Men06/01/22 02:06 PM
2

Exposing liars is sometimes the only way to stop them from lying. Plus I'm not going to martyr myself to make a liar look good. Drop the truth bombs.
/r/Divorce_Men30/12/21 11:44 AM
1

This is my first Christmas after finalization of divorce. Don't be ashamed of being alone. As many guys here know, being alone is far better than being with the wrong person. Do what you want to do today and for yourself. Have a good meal and enjoy the solitude.
/r/Divorce_Men25/12/21 09:20 PM
4

Has nothing to do with you. The end point would have been the same. DO NOT allow yourself to think you are at fault here. The cheater is the one at fault. She broke the relationship by deciding to be with another man. That's on her.
/r/Divorce_Men24/12/21 03:02 PM
4

Dude stop beating yourself up over this. It wasn't going to work out with her. She only came back to you (momentarily) because the Other Man broke things off with her and you were the next best thing. Never be someone's next best thing. You are worth more than being your wife's backup plan. Let her swing off into the wilderness if she thinks she can do better. Free yourself to go and find happiness elsewhere.
/r/Divorce_Men24/12/21 03:00 PM
3

I wrote a big long email to my ex as well a few months after the divorce was finalized and I had signed the last check. I wanted to unload all the hurt she did to me and let her know how much she was in the wrong before, during, and after the divorce. Ultimately I didn't send because it would have served no purpose. She doesn't give a shit about me and I don't want her to think I give her any thoughts. I hold onto hope that karma will catch up to her without me. Best revenge I can get is to go f…
/r/Divorce_Men22/12/21 06:57 PM
1

Also as part of the divorce proceedings, your lawyer should be asking for all financial statements from the past year at least to make sure nothing untoward is happening. I would tell your lawyer specifically about these questionable financial dealings of your STBX for scrutiny to ensure she's not trying to game the system. But as others said, you need to file ASAP to stop the bleeding from getting worse.
/r/Divorce_Men22/12/21 06:52 PM
5

Pretty sure that would get that lawyer disbarred if you report him. That's unethical.
/r/Divorce_Men22/12/21 06:39 PM
11

I feel for you man. Men are conditioned to be stoic, show no emotion, and "be a man" and get over things. Fact is, we do feel things. And when the proverbial straw breaks the proverbial camel's back, it can be devastating. I spent my birthday the year before I filed crying alone in the bathroom at a restaurant that me and my now ex wife were at to "celebrate" my birthday. The reason? She was spending the entire time commenting on how she wanted to screw other randos at the bar. I felt sadness, a…
/r/Divorce_Men22/12/21 06:22 PM
4

Agreed. I mentioned to a colleague I would never date a single mother; too much baggage. Plus I am the son of a single mother so I know what it's like from the other side. They mentioned how hard it will be to find a single woman without kids at my age (upper 30s). I told them I'd rather be alone rather than deal with single mother drama and I'm fine with that.
/r/Divorce_Men20/12/21 01:03 PM
5

Right? Nobody gives a hoot about that. Sorry, being mother of my children doesn't get you any points if you're an asshole.
/r/Divorce_Men20/12/21 12:55 PM
7

I'm glad a guy got a small win. Gives me hope.
/r/Divorce_Men19/12/21 05:31 PM
2

First of all, dude she's not coming back. You've been separated 3 months and she's already back with an Ex? She's gone for good for you. As for why your friends are saying it won't last, I don't know. Maybe they know the history of the 2 together and know they aren't long term. But what I do know is that you two are also done. Pull the trigger already on the divorce my man.
/r/Divorce_Men18/12/21 09:19 PM
1

My ex wife found several of her cheating partners on Fetlife. I know they knew she was married too. Funny how none of them asked why I was never around when they came calling.
/r/Divorce_Men18/12/21 09:14 PM
2

Probably not. Too be honest her being into kinky sex (with other men) is not going to win you any points in divorce. Even the drug use will probably be poo-poo'ed out of court because it's "just pot". Don't try and sink to her level. Even after the divorce you can still have your integrity intact.
/r/Divorce_Men18/12/21 09:11 PM
5

Stories like this boil my blood. The sheer injustice of alimony is disgusting.
/r/Divorce_Men18/12/21 09:09 PM
2

Yeah, unfortunately until the divorce is finalized, I wouldn't start a 2nd job or accept or get a higher paying job. Because she will just get a bigger piece of your pie. After the finalization, go ahead and get that second job and higher paying position. It sucks but sometimes you have to game the system to make it fair.
/r/Divorce_Men18/12/21 09:07 PM
5

I doubt she will be awarded maintenance if you're unemployed AND you have the kids but who knows. The divorce courts are a dumpster fire for men these days.
/r/Divorce_Men18/12/21 05:01 PM
1

IANAL but I believe this is correct. Since it is the marital home, it is will be assumed to be marital property. However, if she wants to contest you on it, she can. She will have to clearly show that the money spent on the down payment was clearly her money and only her money. Depending on how tidy her accounting skills are, this may or may not be difficult. I ran into this with my divorce but from the other end. However, for your situation, at the very least the payments for the mortgage since…
/r/Divorce_Men17/12/21 02:43 PM
1

It's not about Omicron; it's about control for your ex. Unless she is super paranoid, Omicron shouldn't be making anybody freak out right now. All indications are that it is very mild symptoms and little to no deaths reported. Of course, this last 2 years has been non-stop fearing mongering so maybe your ex really is terrified of the new COVID but I somehow doubt it.
/r/Divorce_Men15/12/21 06:52 PM
2

Good for you. I wish I could have unloaded more on my ex when everything was finalized but never got the opportunity because she has completely dropped off contact. Which on one hand is great since she isn't bugging me. But on the other hand, I haven't had the opportunity to just let her have it (verbally of course).
/r/Divorce_Men15/12/21 06:43 PM
3

Nothing wrong with anger. Nothing wrong with having trust issues. I think that's normal. The main thing is to not let it consume you or block you from finding happiness where ever you can. If that means getting into another relationship; great. If that means staying single and only occasionally dipping your toe in the relationship pool; great as well. For me, my consideration is that I don't want my divorce to ruin me. I don't want her to have that kind of power over me. So I do what I want to d…
/r/Divorce_Men15/12/21 04:58 PM
1

I found out she was cheating on me when a facebook friend messaged her. She was still logged on our common computer so I saw the popup message. She had confessed to cheating to her friend. Of course fb friend tells her it's ok that she cheated and she should just move on from the mistake. Yeah right... Anyway, I spent the next week securing a lawyer, starting the paperwork, and ensuring nothing funky was happening in the checking account. That was a tough week as I had to spend the whole time pr…
/r/Divorce_Men13/12/21 02:25 PM
1

True. As much as it would have been temporarily satisfying to be petty and mean, ultimately it would have cost me my integrity.
/r/Divorce_Men10/12/21 04:30 PM
1

Thank you. Just the whole process just seemed so unfair to me. I had to pay for pretty much everything the last year and a half of our marriage (she was fired from her job and having mental health issues), plus had to pay for her side and my side of the divorce, and I still had to pay temp alimony on top of her getting a good portion of the money I had been saving up over the years. I felt like I was paying/rewarding her to cheat on me and it just stuck in my craw. Made me wish for the days of A…
/r/Divorce_Men10/12/21 04:24 PM
1

It's true, I feel I never got the closure from a true all out vent session with her of all the hurt she caused me. I kept it cool and collected throughout the entire process to avoid problems. But I had all this anger bottled up that I couldn't express for fear it would be detrimental to the divorce. Now that it's all over and she can't make any changes to the arrangement I just want to let her have it (verbally of course and preferrably from a distance).
/r/Divorce_Men10/12/21 04:21 PM
1

Thank you. I know it's true but I needed to hear it.
/r/Divorce_Men10/12/21 04:19 PM
3

Plan out your steps before "the talk". I had already locked down an attorney, planned for her exit from the house, etc before I told her it was going to be over. I have to say it was a tough week and a half as I got my ducks in a row before dropping the bomb. But preparation is key. The most important thing for me was to ensure she was out of the house and with family so I could avoid any awkward and potentially dangerous interactions as she was mentally unstable and I didn't want her to hurt he…
/r/Divorce_Men10/12/21 04:19 PM
1

Dude, sorry to say but she played you. Hopefully nothing comes from this but my Spidey senses be a tingling.
/r/Divorce_Men09/12/21 10:43 PM
1

Lol. That's not how it works sweetie. Keep going with the divorce on your end. She doesn't get to unilaterally tell you no to the divorce. She started this train moving and it's leaving the station. Don't let her guilt you into anything. If she wants back into the house so bad, SHE can stay in the basement. And guess what, she doesn't really have a choice on the house. If you split, and she wants to stay, she'll have to buy you out of your half of it. If she can't afford that, guess that house i…
/r/Divorce_Men09/12/21 10:38 PM
1

Well they obviously mean nothing to her if she is trying to dump them on you. Tell her they mean even less to you so in the trash they go. Son will get over not seeing some bauble on the tree once every year.
/r/Divorce_Men09/12/21 10:34 PM
1

Yeah I fell for a bit of that myself. My lawyer told me to give her a bit of money for expenses before the settlement. I did. Probably I should have just subtracted that amount from the final settlement. But by then I was mentally exhausted I just wanted it over.
/r/Divorce_Men09/12/21 10:18 PM
2

I believe so yes. That is what I did for my divorce and spelled it out in the agreement. I owed her a certain amount from our joint retirement and investment accounts so I transferred the amount to her name. So if she cashes it out, then she pays the taxes on it and not me. That is really the only fair way to do it. Frankly her lawyer is trying to pull a fast one on you. If you owe her $50,000 from your accounts, that is what should be transferred. She doesn't get to ask for more to pay for the …
/r/Divorce_Men09/12/21 09:55 PM
2

I kept the cat in my divorce too. Pretty fair trade.
/r/Divorce_Men09/12/21 09:45 PM
2

Yes, you can definitely ask her to provide money for attorney fees especially if she was the primary breadwinner. She can't leave you penniless to defend yourself. Talk to a good divorce attorney YESTERDAY! RUN don't walk.
/r/Divorce_Men13/10/21 05:48 PM
1

You're screwed man. I suggest you run, don't walk, far away.
/r/Divorce_Men06/10/21 12:15 AM
2

Online dating and apps is a frickin' black hole. It's an exercise in futility for the most part; screaming into the void hoping somebody screams back.
/r/Divorce_Men06/10/21 12:13 AM
1

You can't be her whole world; that's not fair to you and not healthy for her. Trust me, once you're gone she'll suddenly find the will to take care of herself and lose weight.
/r/Divorce_Men06/10/21 12:11 AM
3

Teach them to be happy alone first. They don't need a relationship to be "whole". Once you're comfortable being single, the rest takes care of itself. A relationship should be something that enhances your life, not something that you need to be complete.
/r/Divorce_Men16/08/21 11:36 PM
1

Frankly I'm surprised you didn't have to at least pay half the mortgage. She might have a case on owning whatever equity grew while she paid all the mortgage but it's sticky. I never left the marital home. I politely but firmly suggested she go stay with her mom after I confronted her on her repeated cheating. I then served her with divorce papers while she was at her mom's house. She tried to claim residence in the house during the divorce proceedings and make me stay in a hotel but I made the …
/r/Divorce_Men16/08/21 11:35 PM
3

This warms the cockles of my cold dead heart.
/r/Divorce_Men16/08/21 11:30 PM
2

Lol, have someone else be your tech support for your booty calls. Laterz!
/r/Divorce_Men16/08/21 11:30 PM
1

Frankly, I have more money now that I'm divorced even with temporary assistance payments. You never realize how much a drain on resources another person is until they're gone. I think you'll be fine.
/r/Divorce_Men16/08/21 11:28 PM
1

Sure, you get happy again. Some take longer than others. Ultimately though it's up to the guy to decide to move on. No matter who wronged who you have to make the decision to move on, get new hobbies, new friends, maybe even new relationships. As for whether divorce changes you, well everything in your life changes you and divorce is part of your life. Whether it's a large change or small change is up to the person. So really, it all depends. That being said, as a friend, you should try and be t…
/r/Divorce_Men16/08/21 11:27 PM
6

Whatever decision you make, live with it. No decision you make will be 100% right or 100% wrong; you just have to live with it. Playing the "what if I made a mistake" game will drive you crazy. Select a path and forget the one not taken.
/r/Divorce_Men16/08/21 11:22 PM
2

Don't bring up your bonus; especially as you haven't even gotten it yet. That seems like stupid advice. You can't make any calculations on your bonus in the future for alimony payments; what if you don't get as much? You still on the hook for paying a percentage of a non-existent bonus?
/r/Divorce_Men16/08/21 11:08 PM
6

Lol. You're only an Incel because of her.
/r/Divorce_Men16/08/21 11:06 PM
1

No waitress would be as crass to ask you why it's just a father and a daughter on Valentine's Day. Because the answer would almost never be good. If you ever did run across that, just say you are taking the most important woman in your life out for Valentine's day and leave it at that. I can say what I'll be doing this Valentine's Day weekend, my ex is moving her stuff out of MY house because my divorce is finalized and I'm keeping the house. Bye Felicia!
/r/Divorce_Men01/02/21 12:08 PM
1

Exercise really does help. Even if you usually don't exercise, your muscles getting a good stress test can de-stress you for a little while.
/r/Divorce_Men01/02/21 12:06 PM
1

Don't do it man. I won't give you platitudes but just know there are others out there in pain just like you. Take it from one of them, you aren't alone. Take this anonymous redditor's encouragement and I hope it helps in some small way.
/r/Divorce_Men01/02/21 12:05 PM
3

Well this ultimatum would help. Once the parents see the consequence of them ignoring OP's pain, they should come around. However, if they don't, then they probably aren't very healthy people to be around anyway. If they would ignore OP's pain and continue seeing the cheating ex, what other toxic behaviors are they doing that hurt OP? Better to cut them out.
/r/Divorce_Men01/02/21 11:59 AM
1

Your parents sound like pieces of work. How do they reconcile choosing your cheating spouse over their own child? What do they say when you tell them how bad it makes you feel when they spend time with your ex; especially considering the pain she put you through? If your current girlfriend is going to be the long term, they also need to learn to accept that as well.
/r/Divorce_Men01/02/21 11:57 AM
4

It gets more expensive though year after year as you build up your finances together. Especially if you are the bread winner. Ultimately you need to cut it off otherwise she files after 20-25 years and takes you back down to 0.
/r/Divorce_Men01/02/21 11:50 AM
1

If she has medical problems, you might be making things worse for you by staying. As in, my lawyer told me about a case of his, very short term marriage of 6 months but she got injured and needed constant medical help for the rest of her life. He is now on the hook for PERMANENT ALIMONY because she no longer has the ability to work. He has to take care of her the rest of her life. So while it may seem heartless, you sticking around may make things worse if she does become disabled. Because guess…
/r/Divorce_Men01/02/21 11:48 AM
2

See if you can convince her to go full time to establish better wages and then file. However, when determining alimony it is based (theoretically) on your ability to pay. Plus they also look at the earning potential of the other spouse. So just because she is working part-time, you can and should make the argument that she is capable of working full time and making more. That should dramatically reduce any or all alimony you would be on the dime for. While it sounds good in theory to stay togeth…
/r/Divorce_Men01/02/21 11:45 AM
2

Judge likely won't factor in who NEEDS a big house. Ultimately you both co-own the home as a marital asset so you are entitled to your half of it. That can either mean you sell the house and both split the proceeds 50/50 (accounting for any money you put into it after the divorce was filed for repairs and/or mortgage payments if only one of you is doing them). Or she can buy you out of your portion of the equity. In this case, you should get an appraiser (hired on your dime) to assess the sell v…
/r/Divorce_Men01/02/21 11:27 AM
1

Be careful though. Divorce mandatory disclosure documents look at bank account statements going back 12 months to ensure you weren't being shady with your money (ie hiding it) before you file. Anything out of character you'll have to explain financially on the back end. Not saying don't do it, but make sure you have a good reason for it. As for debts, marital debts are split 50/50 so no reason to pay them off now as it won't really help you. Of course, your personal debt maybe good idea but agai…
/r/Divorce_Men30/01/21 05:19 PM
1

I convinced her to stay with her mom "for a few days" and then filed for divorce once she was out of the house. She tried to claw her way back in with her lawyer filing about how I have the ability to pay for a hotel to stay in so she can stay in the house during the proceedings. Screw that, it took 6 months to get to the end (almost there). I bought her out of her "half" of the house. You can also choose to sell as a couple and split the proceeds but if so, make sure you account for any mortgag…
/r/Divorce_Men30/01/21 05:16 PM
1

So sorry to hear this. I do know that alimony is based on ability to pay. If you are unemployed, then your ability to pay is severely restricted. You should be able to get it reduced. They should not be expecting you to loot your retirement accounts to pay her alimony. Of course this is CA so who knows. If it gets bad, maybe you liquidate everything and move to a non-extradition country. She can't squeeze what she can't grasp. (I'm only half joking here)
/r/Divorce_Men30/01/21 05:11 PM
1

My lawyer drew up a "Special Warranty Deed" that the ex-wife signed to transfer the house over to me and take herself off the deed. Any agreement you have would most assuredly include such a provision. She doesn't get to keep her name on the house and reap the rewards of ownership with none of the responsibilities.
/r/Divorce_Men30/01/21 04:52 PM
1

Doesn't matter if you made all the payments. Your incomes are considered marital assets from the moment you are married. Any payments you made are considered to have been made by you both. Of course it's unfair; divorce is extremely unfair to the higher earner or more responsible party.
/r/Divorce_Men30/01/21 04:50 PM
1

Not sure how the refinance goes, but speaking from my experience. Any equity you gained during marriage is marital so you will have to split that. Even if you used personal money pre-marriage, to put a down payment on the house, the court considers that a "gift" and becomes marital property. Ultimately though, you'll probably end up having to split the house. I say sell it and split the proceeds. However, if you are the one paying the mortgage, you ask in the divorce settlement for credit on mor…
/r/Divorce_Men30/01/21 04:48 PM
1

You should never have left the house. When I filed, I ensured that she had to move out. I never told her specifically she had to move out, but suggested she go to stay with her mom while I figure some stuff out. Then bam, dropped divorce on her cheating arse. At that point, it's much harder for her to want to move back in so she just stayed away. That being said, if you do move back in, install cameras so she can't claim you are abusing her as a negotiating tactic.
/r/Divorce_Men30/01/21 04:42 PM
1

It's a negotiating tactic to put you on the defensive. Unfortunately there will be little to no repercussions to her bald-faced lies about you. That being said, PROTECT YOURSELF. As in NEVER and I mean NEVER be alone with her. Always have witnesses with you. If she is lying about you now, you better believe she will claim you abused her physically if you are alone. If you have evidence of her lies, CALL THEM OUT. Have your lawyer put them in writing in rebuttal. Don't let her scare you into subm…
/r/Divorce_Men30/01/21 04:39 PM
1

50/50 custody is great for you. As for finances, that you may need to fight on depending on the amount involved. If there isn't much equity in the house, it's not that big a deal walking away. In my case, we had about 60k in equity depending on the selling price you went with (I obviously said the house was worth less since I wanted to stay and buy her out, she said more). Ultimately, you can ask in the agreement to sell the house and split the proceeds instead of letting her have it free and cl…
/r/Divorce_Men30/01/21 04:34 PM
1

Well if she signed over any rights she might have to a marital home, she has no right to be there. I literally just finished my divorce proceedings the other day and it was written into the agreement that she transferred ownership of the house to me (I compensated her with other assets) and she had 30 days to collect her stuff and get out. After that, she would be giving up rights to them. It's your house. She has no tenant rights after the split. But make sure you had that language in there and…
/r/Divorce_Men30/01/21 04:29 PM
1

Agreed on people saying settle stuff out of court. Mediation is there to try and get to an agreement before having to resort to months of legal wrangling and investigations that will cost 10s of thousands of dollars. That being said, if she isn't being a willing and reasonable negotiating partner, stand firm and be willing to walk away and take your chances in court. Don't always be the one to bend because she can and will take more and more.
/r/Divorce_Men30/01/21 04:26 PM
3

Also, as for lawyer fees. As part of the initial proceedings, he can ask for her to pay temporary support so that he can get a lawyer and protect his rights. Any lawyer worth his salt would tell him this as well. The lawyer wants to get paid too, your friend doesn't have to have cash on hand to get representation. Especially if we're talking the amount of money they seem to have.
/r/Divorce_Men30/01/21 04:20 PM
3

I can tell you from the other side of things, there is nowhere for her to hide this money. Part of the divorce proceedings (which his lawyer should be requesting from her) is an accounting of all assets owned. Also, bank statements, credit card statements, etc are requested going back 12 months to ensure she hasn't been socking away marital funds in a "hidden" account. If he thinks she has accounts she isn't revealing, that will be investigated and she will be penalized for lying to the court. T…
/r/Divorce_Men30/01/21 04:18 PM
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