Everything blew up recently. I'd started going to therapy middle of last year and I knew that the things my STBXW had said to me over the years weren't right, but my therapist marked me down as emotionally abused. We've been married for over 10 years and she's a stay at home mom. A big wake-up call for me was about 4 years ago when my mom was watching the kids and called me concerned because the kids were discussing "how mean mom is to dad". I've been called fat, unattractive, stupid, etc. etc. Sex and physical contact has been withheld out of spite, the list goes on and on. I'm codependent af.

Finally, I decided I wanted out, I need to heal. I moved into the spare room in the house and let her know I'm going to file for divorce and I have contacted some lawyers. In the meantime though, she refuses to take any blame for our relationship or admit to any abusive behavior, in fact she tries to turn it around on me every chance she gets. She's badmouthing me in front of the children, one of whom has an anxiety disorder already.

Unfortunately I've been advised not to leave the home, I'm getting the lawyer, but does anyone have any advice for living in this situation? I have a feeling I'm going to get taken to the cleaners in the divorce since she's never worked and I make good money in spite of the abuse, and I've come to terms with giving up half the assets but I'm really worried about my own emotional well being and that of my kids. I have been keeping a detailed journal of the interactions... and I'm getting my kids into therapy, but I'm not sure what else to do.

Also concerning is that she refuses to talk about the impending filing or separation agreement at all. Says she can't think about the future, etc. How long can she drag this out? I'm in limbo and can't move on and it's killing me.