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lemmingsrevenge Archive

View 0 posts and 395 comments by lemmingsrevenge on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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6

Right there with you. Didn’t work and in the end backfired on them. I have primary custody and my oldest hasn’t spent the night with mom in 2 years
/r/Divorce_Men31/07/24 01:09 AM
3

We had a bifurcated divorce. In my case my ex wanted to get married to the new guy asap. Which she did 8 days after the divorce aspect was finalized.
/r/Divorce_Men21/12/23 10:22 PM
2

Fuck no. File tomorrow.
/r/Divorce_Men11/04/23 12:14 AM
5

Here is one that's kinda mild. So my ex is an artist and is doing a showing at a coffee shop the next county over. The showing starts at 3:30 and visitation ends at 3:30. She typically never takes her full 4 hours of visitation and I expect her husband to text me saying he's dropping off the kid early. I suddenly decided to go to target and will tell them to hold on the kid until 3:30 just to make them late to her showing. It's petty
/r/Divorce_Men08/04/23 08:38 PM
18

The judge denied the tro on an ex parte basis. Now they have the opportunity to present evidence and your side will be able to respond. A failed tro is a good sign that the judge wasn’t convinced.
/r/Divorce_Men24/01/23 04:35 PM
7

You have just as much right to the child as your ex does. If you have custodial time then your has zero say if they can meet your grandparents.
/r/Divorce_Men20/01/23 11:48 PM
1

What you consider significant usually isn't. If something significant does happen a third party professional will likely become involved. When that happens the courts do take notice. Think about it objectively. You're a biased witness. You can easily lie and without any proof that something happened the courts can't really take it seriously.
/r/Divorce_Men15/10/22 01:21 AM
2

First things first, it doesn't really matter. She'll make the claim, and they'll ask you if it's true and you respond with no it's not true. You're not going to have to prove it. If you want to create a calendar that's all well and good, but it's unlikely the judge is even going to look at it.
/r/Divorce_Men13/10/22 05:17 AM
7

no it's not illegal, but getting away with it depends on how CS is structured. If CS is through a state agency it's likely you'll just go into arrears. If it's just court ordered then if she tries to bring you to court you can present the receipts for expenses she's supposed to pay for half and explain the lesser amount paid. Start keeping records of expenses
/r/Divorce_Men08/10/22 06:03 AM
1

Can the judge do it? Yes absolutely. Will they? No. Not very likely. Before trial you'll have a hearing to set everything in place and at that time the judge will issue temporary orders. Based on the eval don't be surprised if the judge orders 50/50. When you make your motion articulate a specific schedule that you want 2/2/5/5 or 3/4/4/3. Be specific about what you're requesting. Judges are annoyed when parties walk in there with "I want 50/50" but then waste the courts time spending the next h…
/r/Divorce_Men30/08/22 09:52 PM
3

past 3 years of tax returns
/r/Divorce_Men29/08/22 03:12 AM
1

That doesn’t prove your case. You made the statement so show me a law that governs alimony that backs up your claim.
/r/Divorce_Men26/08/22 08:51 PM
1

Bull shit brother, I divorced in California and my ex didn’t get alimony. You’re letting your sour grapes interfere with rational thinking. Alimony isn’t guaranteed especially in California.
/r/Divorce_Men26/08/22 08:31 PM
1

Depends, can you wife afford the lifestyle she's accustomed to without any income from you? The fact that she has an income stream of her own lessens the requirements that she needs alimony. The courts don't just give it because you're divorced. The fact you both can split the rental income and live comfortably also lessens the requirements. Some advice, get some form of backup to your decision to quit. You say you have medical issues, get a recommendation from your doctor to destress. Anything …
/r/Divorce_Men26/08/22 08:13 PM
14

Divorce tax my brother. Just list things of value and forget the rest. Never spend $300/hr on a $20 toaster. There is intrinsic value to your peace of mind. If you can learn to let the little shit go and stay calm you win in the end.
/r/Divorce_Men09/08/22 06:04 PM
3

Ex wife accused me of rape, stalking and groping during the divorce. She also threw in grooming the children and taking baths with them. The problem with false accusers is they tend to not keep their stories straight upon scrutiny. What evidence she tried to bring into the divorce pretty much showed that nothing happened The judge tossed everything. But he did look me in the eye with a slow monotone said to me "She can keep bringing these things back to court, so be careful." I took that as the …
/r/MensRights04/08/22 05:05 AM
3

No your lawyer is probably shoot you straight. Unless the sides are polar opposites Ie both want sole/primary custody it’s all about fine tuning things. I’m on year 4 of my custody battle.
/r/Divorce_Men03/08/22 12:54 AM
2

Brother I understand. I lost my middle child to sma. It’s a tough call. But you’re there for moms benefit not the child. The weekend is going to be awkward if you’re there and the kid will pick up on that. Unsolicited advice from someone who went through a fucked up situation. You’ve got to learn to not feel guilty. You didn’t cause the situation. It’s not your fault.
/r/Divorce_Men01/08/22 12:15 AM
7

Just tell her you’re sorry but you don’t feel comfortable going and stop thinking about it.
/r/Divorce_Men01/08/22 12:04 AM
7

Remember contempt is the willful refusal to comply with court orders. Losing your job and being under employed for a short bit is a solid defense. If you can send a small amount it will go a long way to defeat any contempt argument. Yes she can get a wage garnishment, but it has to be court ordered so you will be able to present an argument to stop it. Just remember until alimony is changed or stopped every month that goes by means you will owe more and more. You might be able to end alimony dep…
/r/Divorce_Men31/07/22 03:56 PM
14

Divorce tax my guy. Your just paying to be free. Don’t focus on how unfair it is, you can’t change it. All you can do is get out as quickly as you can. Standing on principal here is only going to cost you money in legal fees.
/r/Divorce_Men28/07/22 09:36 PM
2

Here is reality. Perjury requires the proof that a) the statement is false and b) that the person knew it to be false when they stated it. B is where perjury dies. How do you prove they knew it was false. You can’t infer perjury, you have to prove it and usually the only reasonable way to do so is if they admit to it.
/r/Divorce_Men26/07/22 04:03 PM
2

The point of expenses is to gauge what you spend every month so if an option for deviation to presents itself they know it’s not going to put you in the poorhouse.
/r/Divorce_Men26/07/22 02:31 AM
2

What you’re paying now.
/r/Divorce_Men26/07/22 01:52 AM
4

Fuck no. And she’s still pissed off about it. The guy she left me for had to leave his state and move here. He essentially abandoned his wife a kids for my wife.
/r/Divorce_Men25/07/22 07:20 PM
3

Not in my case, but my ex wanted to leave the state with the kids.
/r/Divorce_Men25/07/22 07:10 PM
5

Well you have to look at it from an objective perspective. Do you really feel comfortable living with someone who is trying to fuck you over? The court might let you stay and have her move. But the likelihood of that is somewhat low. As for 50/50 depends on the state. Chances are good in a state like California. But if you’re in Texas then no. If the tpo is thrown out there should be no effect on your chances for custody. You have a lawyer, and I’m happy for that. They will set your expectations…
/r/Divorce_Men25/07/22 07:08 PM
10

Temporary restraining orders are easy to get. The courts pass them out like candy. Keeping it is a lot harder as it requires proof either by evidence or your admitting to it. If she didn’t call the cops or you weren’t arrested then it’s very likely the tpo will be tossed. But real facts brother, you’re never going to live in that house again unless mom decides to leave. At the hearing you would do well to ask the court for a time to remove your personal effects and work equipment.
/r/Divorce_Men25/07/22 07:00 PM
10

As a parent who lost a child I empathize with you. It’s ok to take time to process this brother. Don’t be afraid to connect with people, you’re not bothering them.
/r/Divorce_Men25/07/22 03:16 AM
25

Fuck spousal support. If you ex is making 55k a year they can be self sufficient and doesn't require it. I would argue a higher CS, but no spousal. That way when the children are grown your ties to each other are cut. If you were married less than 10 years i'd argue for no Spousal
/r/Divorce_Men17/07/22 11:04 PM
2

I don’t disagree with you.
/r/Divorce_Men16/07/22 06:53 PM
5

Sounds pretty standard. Bottom line is Husband couldn’t present evidence to prove wife met the conditions to end alimony. That’s how court works.
/r/Divorce_Men16/07/22 06:15 PM
2

It might not be worth the legal fees. Think about it you have to prove she acted improperly and that costs a lawyers time. Unless you’re a high net individual it might cost you thousands to get a few hundred.
/r/Divorce_Men13/06/22 03:00 PM
1

Generally no. If they're trying to figure out property division somethings like expenses for affair partners etc can be used to offset obligations etc. You can try and give them the top sheet where it shows how much money came in and out, but they are entitled to a full accounting of your expenses.
/r/Divorce_Men21/05/22 05:34 AM
2

I wouldn’t do it. Too much vulnerability. If you’re bent on helping her give her a couple bills a month. But if it was me I’d wait for cs. She can use that as income to qualify for a loan.
/r/Divorce_Men16/05/22 05:07 AM
1

I really depends on the state. Some states like california require mediation. This adds months to the process. It also depends on how much conflict there is. If both parents can be agreeable then it could be as little as 6 months from start to finish. In California for instance the minimum time is 6 months before the judge can sign off on the divorce.
/r/Divorce_Men10/05/22 09:00 PM
1

i hear ya.
/r/Divorce_Men10/05/22 05:19 AM
3

No, Judges know you have to work, and it's in the childs best interest that the parent has resources. 2-3 nights a month won't be an issue. the worst case is the judge will make you eat the days you miss because of travel. But if you show you're communicating with mom and trying to amicably work things out it shouldn't be a big deal.
/r/Divorce_Men10/05/22 04:41 AM
1

Remember Contempt is the willful disregard of a court order. If you didn't have the money then it's not willful. The judge might spank you if you had 10k in the bank, but if you can show your funds were limited the judge is likely to admonish you. It gets worse if your inaction caused the child to miss out on medical care. Remember also that the party is required to submit bills and receipts in a timely manner. If they failed to do so then your have a valid argument against it. If you can reimbu…
/r/Divorce_Men26/04/22 10:42 PM
2

Without an order enumerating the expense the parties pay their own costs. It can get sticky if the party pays for the kids to travel and refuses to pay for the return flight. Just be mindful of this possibility.
/r/Divorce_Men19/04/22 09:16 AM
1

Depends on the state. Some states like texas and Nevada have caps on CS. If you're in CA and you make 15k/mon that might be somewhat likely.
/r/Divorce_Men01/04/22 04:00 AM
2

I went through a divorce in CA, The courts here don't give a fuck. list your assets, debts and split it down the middle. Alimony isn't really a big thing unless you've been married for 10 years or more and one parent can't work. But just going to say this, if you're moving it's better to give your wife a heads up. You could face scrutiny if you move and file quickly. The cost of living here is brutal and if they're not a high earner you could be paying for her to live for a while.
/r/Divorce_Men14/01/22 08:22 AM
2

Yes, in California it's permissible for the court to issue a seek work order or impute income usually at minimum wage. It will be a drawn out process to get it up to 60k unless she has a long work history of her making that much. You're talking about an assessments and all that, so I would taper your expectations somewhat. I would argue it's a safe bet to get it set at minimum wage, but higher than that is going to probably be more expensive than it's worth.
/r/Divorce_Men02/12/21 09:41 PM
3

There are various levels of professionals that become involved depending on the severity of the conflict between you and your ex. Could be a GAL, or as in depth as a custody evaluation, but both are similar in determining the recommended custody arrangement. Both will sit down with you and your ex in your house and observe you and the child interact, observe what environments you expose the child to and evaluate the relationship you have with the child. Since the child is so young, its unlikely …
/r/Divorce_Men04/10/21 03:37 PM
5

It is what it is. But don’t forget Oct 31 was the date. She’ll have to explain why she stayed afterwards. And without a good reason they can sanction her
/r/Divorce_Men28/09/21 12:22 AM
7

You go back to the judge and they can issue an order to remove her. Since the order you have in hand is conditional it’s probably not a vacate order
/r/Divorce_Men27/09/21 11:41 PM
1

Sure i'm game. Hit me up Mid 40/CA Divorced 3 years. 2 kids.
/r/Divorce_Men21/09/21 10:28 PM
1

in most states it's not mandatory and really depends on length of marriage and the ability to earn. If both parties have full time jobs the chances of a judge ordering support beyond the before divorce stage goes way down. Long gone are the days where men were on the hook for supporting their wife forever.
/r/Divorce_Men21/09/21 07:06 AM
8

I disagree. It's different of course. But in a way the children get access to a "refreshed" parent every week. After my 5 days with the kids being a single dad I'm kind of glad they're going to their moms. It's not that I don't love them, that I don't miss them. It's just nice to get a haircut or read a book without having to stop two arguing kids. I have them 2 days a week and every other weekend, so I get plenty of time with them. But the bottom line is "it is what it is" you can't force peopl…
/r/Divorce_Men20/09/21 10:04 PM
1

yes it will be brought into the equation. If you can show that it fluctuates they can adjust how much of it is factored in.
/r/Divorce_Men14/09/21 06:43 PM
2

Go to the courts website, there should be a list of approve parenting classes. Just pick one of those and you'll be fine.
/r/Divorce_Men12/09/21 08:27 PM
4

not really, As long as it works. Remember the parents are the primary decision makers. California is a pretty 50/50 state so if you want to get a custody order and let the grandparents continue as usual it's all good.
/r/Divorce_Men12/09/21 07:37 AM
1

Courts in CA don't care about adultery. They really don't care about you or your ex. They just want to divide assets, divide the children and kick you out. It's not hiding assets if you disclose it on your financial information. You're a high net worth individual, your ex's lawyer will be more inclined to dig deeper to uncover financials. They can get access to your bank statements and payroll information and would want to know where you money is going. There is nothing wrong with having a separ…
/r/Divorce_Men04/09/21 04:42 AM
1

My divorce is in California and trust me household items they don't give a fuck. I mean if you don't walk in there with a itemized list with values they aren't going to spend any time trying to figure it out. Just remember something Don't waste a $300/hr to fight over a $20 toaster. What I did was walk through each room and inventoried all the furniture. I didn't even put a value since it's not worth much. Gave her a list and said what do you want, the only thing I'm going to fight over is the b…
/r/Divorce_Men04/09/21 01:10 AM
2

Dude you make 200k. Pay for a lawyer. If your ex gets a lawyer you will handicap your case. It's cheaper in the long run to have it set up right from day 1, then trying to fix it later. Alimony isn't guaranteed, and it's really meant for parties where one worked and the other stayed home. Again this is something a lawyer is key on. Imagine how much of a lawyers time you can utilize with the 4 k a month of alimony that might not of been ordered if you did it right. Date of separation is the line …
/r/Divorce_Men03/09/21 08:04 PM
10

First thing to do is relax. It's a common tactic and if you don't fuck up between now and the hearing it will likely fail. For the next three weeks or so is going to suck, but don't get trapped into a defeatist mindset. Mom has to convince the judge you're dangerous and that's not always so easy. Don't contact her, don't show up at the house. Get your lawyer and listen to what they say.
/r/Divorce_Men31/08/21 08:04 AM
6

Don't even worry about it. It is solely her choice. Yeah it is kind of uncommon, but some people don't want to go through the hassle of getting new licenses, passports and what not.
/r/Divorce_Men30/08/21 11:28 PM
13

Don't waste your time with the end goal of getting back together. If it happens it happens, but proceed with the idea that it's over and protect your assets accordingly.
/r/Divorce_Men28/08/21 05:30 PM
1

Well obviously your ex isn't going to agree to 50/50. Your lawyer has no control over that. Your lawyer can't bend your ex's arm to give you more time. Yeah and sometimes it comes down to a trial if the other side is unmovable. Having a lawyer doesn't guarantee you to the outcome you desire. A good lawyer will know when to wait and when to strike. A bad lawyer will just keep striking hoping to hit gold.
/r/Divorce_Men18/08/21 04:25 AM
7

With the job change you should really ask for a custody modification. You can now spend overnights with them, and then you can justify splitting the cost of child care.
/r/Divorce_Men15/08/21 07:10 AM
7

No, what’s important is to convince the judge she’s full of it a lawyer will be able to ask her focused questions. If you represent yourself you won’t know what’s allowed, when to object snd what questions to ask. Remember it’s not like law and order. Yes she still has to prove it, but it’s not to the beyond reasonable doubt standard. If her story makes sense she could convince a judge to say fuck it snd extend the protective order. Dude don’t cheap out on this. You might feel it’s unfair (becau…
/r/MensRights12/08/21 07:06 AM
26

Take it seriously, a restraining order will impact security clearances, some types of jobs and the ability to own firearms. I would hire a lawyer, it shouldn’t be too expensive to represent you in the matter. Don’t reach out, hell don’t even talk about her to friends. Until the matter is resolved just be extra cautious.
/r/MensRights12/08/21 04:09 AM
5

It’s over brother. Dvro’s are usually the first salvo in a brutal custody battle.
/r/Divorce_Men05/08/21 01:10 AM
3

Schedule time with your chaplin.
/r/Divorce_Men04/08/21 01:25 AM
1

Get a lawyer and file. Listen to your lawyers advice. You don’t control her, but you don’t have to let the children leave. You have as much right to the children as she does.
/r/Divorce_Men03/08/21 07:58 PM
2

Generally if both parties agree and the court doesn't have an issue with it can be done. There are many reasons not to do this. One thing to consider is that custody can change and your overall liability can go up or down during the time left that the children are minors. It's possible that you could give her a lump sum, and then lose custody and they will try to go after you for more. Far better to put it in an interest bearing account and have withdrawn. Long term net net is you'll actually pa…
/r/Divorce_Men27/07/21 03:06 AM
2

3 years close to 50k, 300 an hour
/r/Divorce_Men24/07/21 11:13 PM
6

Why is she the sole parent? But on a broader legal angle. She has no control what you do. She cannot bar you from church, and she isn't the person who can decide if you attend the school open house or not. If she doesn't like it she can leave. How you handle anything related to the kids. Inform her via email that you will be in attendance as far in advance as possible. "hey ex, the kids have a open house for school on Tuesday the 15th. Just a heads up I do plan on attending." Don't ask her if it…
/r/Divorce_Men15/07/21 08:25 PM
2

Not really.
/r/Divorce_Men15/07/21 03:00 AM
5

Remember something, it's not on you to prove you didn't. It's always on the accuser to prove you did.
/r/Divorce_Men15/07/21 02:48 AM
3

Shrug it is what it is. When it comes to dividing up assets you'll owe her x amount for the value of the house. If you can't swing refinancing based on the current value then you're going to have to either sell it, or find the money elsewhere.
/r/Divorce_Men02/07/21 05:56 AM
5

Refinance it under your name to meet the obligation to buy her out of her half of the equity.
/r/Divorce_Men02/07/21 05:35 AM
1

California is fine for custodial time, 50/50 is pretty standard. You'll get hosed with child support though.
/r/Divorce_Men11/06/21 10:56 PM
5

Brother, focus on your purpose. Spend time on building you up and explore hobbies you want to do. Find a therapist for a few months to vent your emotional energy. This will help you to think rationally. I recommend therapy not because I think something is wrong with you. But because of the powerful way just talking about what you feel helps. This person isn’t going to judge you and they will let you dump. Trust me on this one. After each session my mind is clearer and focused.
/r/Divorce_Men08/06/21 09:17 PM
1

IF the stipulated time expired then you currently don't have a PC. You don't need a lawyer for this if the motion she filed is just to continue on with the PC. Respond with the facts. It's been 2 years post divorce, the PC wasn't being utilized and is unnecessary. If she wants to continue to use one, say you'll stipulate to if if she bears 100% of the costs of it. That will generally back them off.
/r/Divorce_Men06/06/21 01:59 AM
13

In my case, my ex paid her legal fees and I paid mine. Stop trying to white knight your ex. She's a grown woman and if she can't manage money that's on her.
/r/Divorce_Men24/05/21 08:26 PM
1

If nothing significant has changed, or something significant wasn't included it's a unlikely proposition. There has to be a significant reason why the court needs to hear the case again, and just because a party doesn't like the outcome is not a significant reason.
/r/Divorce_Men18/05/21 08:38 PM
3

Check your courts website. Most of them you're able to look up specific cases. though it won't show you much, it will show you if there is a hearing coming up or if something has been filed.
/r/Divorce_Men09/05/21 01:13 AM
2

Ok here is the deal. You are married, both parents have custodial rights to the child. But with that said there is nothing in place that can compel a parent to give the child to other parent. You need to accept that this is potential bomb. You cannot stop mom from taking the child, and she can't stop you. What the danger is if you two try to physically stop one another. You don't want any sort of domestic violence allegation against you. And if you yell, argue, physically interfere with mom I ca…
/r/Divorce_Men11/04/21 08:08 PM
2

That is accurate. You both have rights to the child. But there is nothing compelling mom to give the child back to Dad.
/r/Divorce_Men11/04/21 08:00 PM
1

If both of you agree to facilitate transfers in this manner there is nothing to stop you. But a judge isn't going to order it, as cordial as you are right now it doesn't mean it will always be this way.
/r/Divorce_Men05/04/21 08:25 PM
2

The crux is the 2 yo. At that age frequent and meaningful contact with both parents is paramount. 7/7 is not in the cards until the youngest is at the very least 6-7 yo. Depending on the judge You could probably get a 2/2/5/5 which gives each parent 5 straight days with each parent every week. I prefer a 2/2/5/5 schedule. it's similar to the 2/2/3 but each parent keeps the same nights every week. But it has less transfers, and it gives you time to go on short trips without coordination with the …
/r/Divorce_Men05/04/21 06:43 PM
2

No I agree with you. But that’s an argument for your lawyer to make.
/r/Divorce_Men02/04/21 03:54 AM
2

Don't get bogged down by the value of house hold items. You can spend more money on lawyers fighting over this shit than it's worth. Tv's and laptops are cheap. But what you can't do is tell her she can have it all and then expect her to pay for half. That's what my ex did, and the retired judge said no. Tell me what you want and we'll divide it up. After much arguing with the judge she finally said fuck it and told me I could just have everything. Just focus on the big ticket items house equity…
/r/Divorce_Men02/04/21 12:57 AM
2

There really isn't a clear answer. He could decide to not pay for the repairs, but that might mean she's not willing to go along with the agreement. But bottom line is that she should be responsible for at least half the repairs. Divorce brings with it what I like to call "freedom tax" sometimes you just pay to keep the peace until you get the divorce. Is if fair? no. But what are you buying? and what are you saving. If you're saving a lawyers time that can add up to significant savings. You're …
/r/Divorce_Men30/03/21 09:11 PM
3

Cease all contact with her. It’s unlikely, but if the cops want to talk to you say no thanks I would like a lawyer. Don’t explain, don’t talk to them at all. If you have texts from her wanting to get together keep them. It will be clutch.
/r/MensRights25/03/21 03:23 AM
4

Because by deleting if you're finally accepting that it's over and there is no going back. You're stuck in the what if game. I'd tell you to just delete it and move on, but each person processes the grief of a loss differently. Band aid buddy, it stings at first, but it goes away. Not pulling the band aid off just delays the inevitable....and pretty soon it stinks.
/r/Divorce_Men23/03/21 11:04 PM
6

There comes a point where you realize it's the new normal. You can't change it, so you learn to take advantage of their absence. I love my kids and have them 60/40, but 2 years in I'm actually appreciating the time away from them. I guess i'll put it this way. You spend your life doing so many unimportant tasks, Getting a hair cut, grocery store, it's nice to do those things without the kids so when you are with them you're not encumbered by finding baby sitters or going to mcdonalds again. So w…
/r/Divorce_Men23/03/21 11:01 PM
2

Depends on how complex your case is, and how soon your next hearing is. My lawyer was awesome but part of a firm. So she was my point man. She went on maternity leave and decided to not return afterwards. They gave me another lawyer to run things through. There was some growing pains but it worked out in the end. I whole heartedly agree with having the same lawyer, but if you're not dealing with a bunch of accusations and the case is pretty low key keeping the same firm can work just fine.
/r/Divorce_Men14/03/21 10:46 PM
1

depends on state law. In California it takes at least 6 months. As far as I know there isn't a deadline that a divorce has to be approved by a year. There are some restrictions, ie the judge is required to hand down a trials final judgement in 90 days etc. But you should look at your state laws.
/r/Divorce_Men12/03/21 08:14 PM
42

There is the problem....You shouldn't have to prove you're innocent. They should have to prove you guilty.
/r/MensRights08/03/21 09:47 PM
1

It's formula based, my income vs moms income with timeshare. So yeah I pay her. In this regard i don't really feel it's a man vs woman's issue. I make more than mom. If the numbers were reversed mom would be paying me. That's not to say I haven't faced biases. But my judge was pretty fair. In the end he told mom that the law is the law and just because you want something doesn't mean you'll get it. Mom half assed took to facebook to try and get the judge removed. Nothing serious, but multiple co…
/r/MensRights01/03/21 08:30 PM
7

In the end no. I’m in California so its pretty much an equal time state. What the problem was my ex would make false claims and they were always believed at first. Got a dvro put on me, it got removed at the hearing. Moms claimed I raped her, that I’m grooming the children, and I’m into child porn. She even tried to say I was gay as a reason to keep the kids away from me. Cps was called 6 times (maybe more). That stopped when cps investigated mom for emotional abuse and told her to knock it off …
/r/MensRights01/03/21 09:39 AM
2

Take only the children's documents. Bank account numbers and balances is useful if you have to subpoena the information later. Taking the children's stuff can't really be used for DV purposes since they're your kids too.
/r/Divorce_Men26/02/21 09:26 PM
2

I think most women just wait for the BBD. In my case, my ex checked out after middle child died. She jumped to my best friend because he was so understanding and kind to her. She got him to dump his wife and 5 kids and when that happened she tried to get me arrested and flee to another state. Didn't work, I filed first and she's sooo pissed because he had to quit his job and move here because the judge refused to hear her pleas to relocate.
/r/Divorce_Men26/02/21 08:20 PM
3

moving out. Going for a weekend or so isn't a big deal. Make sure you're absolutely clear that you're coming back. If possible provide flight information.
/r/Divorce_Men15/02/21 04:14 AM
0

I did read your post. Get a Gal to give him a voice, don't be the person pitting the child against a parent. 16 yo's can have influence on the case, but their opinion is only one in a many list of factors. But your vitriol about your ex just exudes the idea that she wrecked your life and you want to make sure the kid stays with you. You minimize her position, and elevate yours. I'm not saying the kid won't want to stay with you, but reality is this. Courts generally favor an equal time share. It…
/r/Divorce_Men14/02/21 11:35 PM
-6

Don't let your bitterness to your ex cloud your judgement. Family court isn't about punishing your ex for her behavior. Don't put your son in the middle of a custody battle. If you want him to have a voice push for a GAL. But you need to accept they will have tremendous say in the process. You also have to be realistic here. If mom is being reasonable with 50/50 you're going to have to push hard to get a judge off that. This takes a lot of legal wrangling since the default is generally equal sha…
/r/Divorce_Men14/02/21 11:15 PM
1

Lol not long term
/r/Divorce_Men11/02/21 01:23 AM
2

CPS investigated my exwife for emotional abuse for pulling similar shit. They made her take a parenting without violence course.
/r/Divorce_Men10/02/21 10:01 PM
5

Your goal of your actions are not to teach mom a lesson. The goal of your action is to compel compliance with the orders of the court. Moms moved affected the child directly and since you share joint legal custody Mom didn't have the authority to take such action. You get a lawyer on bundle for just this and file. Think of a reasonable solution. And if mom did violate the order ask the lawyer to request lawyer fees as part of the action. Some lawyers will jump on this since it's pretty clear cut…
/r/Divorce_Men07/02/21 09:39 PM
7

Kind of risky. 10 by themself ok, but the 10 yo shouldn’t babysit the 6 yo. A friend got in trouble with his ex and Lost some custody because of leaving a 5 yo asleep while dropping of his brother at school. Even though he asked a neighbor to keep an eye on him. Since the neighbor didn’t go into the house it became a huge deal. His lawyer told my friend to not risk leaving any kid home alone until they’re high school. There is a difference between what’s legal and what is effective fodder for an…
/r/Divorce_Men23/01/21 01:35 AM
3

Sure she's a POS, but you know what counters all this alienation? You being present in your kids life. When you have time with the kids you show them love and give them your attention. In time your actions will be a polar opposite of what their mom is telling them and they will start having questions. My ex tried something similar, but my actions didn't line up with Mom's words and they learned that they can't trust what mom says about me.
/r/Divorce_Men26/12/20 02:03 AM
1

For your own sanity stop talking with your ex about custody. You've both retained counsel. Don't make any decision to move out. Don't think you can show her you're being reasonable so she'll be reasonable. It won't pan out that way.
/r/Divorce_Men26/12/20 01:40 AM
3

You do you brother. I don’t because it will just be discarded. If my ex and I had some sort of reasonable coparenting relationship I wouldn’t have an issue with getting her a small gift.
/r/Divorce_Men07/11/20 08:37 PM
6

Marital property and custody are two completely separate issues If the property was purchased through an inheritance you have no claim to it. Your lawyer is advising you that it will be expensive to fight for the house. They would fight for you if they thought it would work out. All you would do is rack up legal bills and still not get a share of the house. As for custody, its probably because now she has money to pay a lawyer to fight for more custody. You should absolutely fight for time with …
/r/Divorce_Men28/10/20 05:03 AM
4

Right there with you. My ex jumped from my bed to my best friends. It took a few months, but now i look at it as it's his problem now. My life is calmer, and fulfilling now.
/r/Divorce_Men27/10/20 01:28 AM
8

Some men are like this as well. Some people need to find justification for leaving you. Oh see this guy was better than my ex. Or this guy abused me so I left him. Poor woman, let's help you. Don't spend your emotional energy worrying about your ex. A relationship quickly found is a relationship quickly discarded.
/r/Divorce_Men27/10/20 01:25 AM
5

I think it all depends on how you view yourself. I'm making no judgements. Some people view themselves through what they do for others. They need that "purpose" Some people are fine alone. Some people need others but are so hurt by the divorce that they won't let themselves be vulnerable again. This causes the loneliness and self loathing to creep in. In general people need people, it's not good to be isolated. But needing a companion/relationship/love isn't in everyone's personality. I'm +2 on …
/r/Divorce_Men24/10/20 09:59 PM
2

The CP cannot overrule your custodial time unless there is something in the decree that allows for it If Jan 1-3 is your weekend (1st weekend of the month) then it's your time. From the language you provided it doesn't state that CP's travel supersedes your custodial time. It clearly states that travel must be on conservators period of possession. In mine it states that each parent is allowed 2 7 day vacations per summer. The vacations must include the parents scheduled weekend. (effectively all…
/r/Divorce_Men22/10/20 06:55 PM
4

https://info.legalzoom.com/article/regulations-child-support-when-moving-out-state
/r/Divorce_Men22/10/20 06:19 PM
3

Yes they can garnish your wages. Yes they can file for arrears. Yes they can suspend your license. Yes they can arrest you. Yes they can do it even if you live out of state.
/r/Divorce_Men22/10/20 06:11 PM
2

yes
/r/Divorce_Men22/10/20 06:09 PM
1

Ok if the winter break is listed on the school site to 1/1 then that clears it up. On my kids vacation its to that Tuesday. I think the 5th. I didn’t think you were being unreasonable. I am thinking cp is just going to do it anyway and screw you over.
/r/Divorce_Men22/10/20 03:04 PM
1

I think NCP is going to have his first taste of "i'll do what I want, sue me" The problem here is that CP will have the children starting 12/28 and will leave with the children screwing over NCP. Technically she is right though. If she has the second half of the holiday break. According to Texas Family code holiday's take precedence over standard visitation. Since school doesn't start till after the 3rd it is considered the winter break. A separate but more important issue is the travel during t…
/r/Divorce_Men21/10/20 08:56 AM
2

fair enough
/r/Divorce_Men19/10/20 05:33 PM
0

If there is no right of refusal there isn't a reason why the kids can't travel with your parents. Your time is your time and hers her time. You don't get to control hers and she doesn't get to control yours.Don't agree to any stipulation that requires approval from the other party before something happens. Except I would argue is travel out of country. There comes a point where you have to accept that you have to trust the other parent. You can't micromanage people just because you have kids tog…
/r/Divorce_Men19/10/20 05:05 PM
1

If there is no right of refusal there isn't a reason why the kids can't travel with your parents. Your time is your time and hers her time. You don't get to control hers and she doesn't get to control yours. Don't agree to any stipulation that requires approval from the other party before something happens. Except I would argue is travel out of country.
/r/Divorce_Men19/10/20 06:21 AM
3

You can petition for divorce without your ex. Explain to the judge the situation and see if you can serve her via email or publication. Go to the courthouse and look at their self help center. They will give you the forms you need to get the process started. Since there are no kids it should be a really easy process.
/r/Divorce_Men16/10/20 11:20 PM
1

Some people.
/r/Divorce_Men15/10/20 11:25 PM
3

No judgement here. I took my ex back for a modification of child support. I lost my 100k a year job in may due to covid. For a while my ex has been delaying submitting FDF's and child support was based off of her income from 2 years ago when she was a stay at home with her new husband. She has full time employment for over a year. So even though we're 50/50 i was paying $500 in child support. I missed two support payments and right after she got served the RFO for modification all of a sudden I …
/r/Divorce_Men15/10/20 09:38 PM
5

If you have a custody order in place it's hard for a relocation to be granted. Needing a fresh start doesn't even come closes to meeting the threshold for relocation.
/r/Divorce_Men11/10/20 06:38 AM
5

You might not be for marriage again, but do yourself a favor and not become so toxic against it. Many people get married and are generally happy with that choice. Use your experience to change how you view relationships. Be more active in discerning what actually is, and not putting on the googles that make you view the situation as what you want.
/r/Divorce_Men09/10/20 09:56 PM
1

We dealt with this in my case. The judge punted on this and told us to meet and confer. When the case is high conflict resolution is not likely. Since the order doesn't lay out the bed times etc, we operate independently. I'm with you, communicate about the big things. Don't let the other party try and control what the kids eat, bed time and screen time. I'm an adult and am more than capable of managing my kids. If she was willing to give a liittle and get a little, I would be willing to comprom…
/r/Divorce_Men02/10/20 04:28 PM
3

Key difference brother. Mom isn't on trial here. This is a civil, custody matter where the child has a stake in the outcome. The child will have to live with this for the rest of his life. You're getting hung up on how you feel your child should be used to justify what you want. I'm telling you that there are better ways to go about doing it. Get a GAL, have his therapist testify. Leave him the fuck out of the court side of this.
/r/Divorce_Men01/10/20 06:16 PM
1

Don't get me wrong, I'm not on your case about what you're doing in trying to do in limiting contact with the child. I believe you when you said she's emotionally abusing him. What I have a problem with is putting him in the middle of it.
/r/Divorce_Men01/10/20 06:05 PM
3

Stop and ask yourself a question, Why would you as a parent who knows your child is only 14 thinks it's a good idea to listen to said 14 year old and put them in the middle of a custody battle. You wouldn't let the child drink, or do drugs would you? Your job is to protect them, physically and emotionally. You don't appreciate the repercussions of having them stand up in court in front of his mom and tell her that he doesn't want to see her anymore. You don't appreciate what it will do his mothe…
/r/Divorce_Men01/10/20 06:03 PM
4

See that comment right there is your problem. You don’t appreciate how a child testifying against a parent would emotionally fuck him up. Children don’t want to be put in the middle. You are putting the child in a position where he will feel like he had some control. And in turn some of the blame of the restriction of parental time. This is such a shitty position to put the child in. You should’ve gotten a gal assigned a while ago. Or some testimony from the child’s therapist.
/r/Divorce_Men01/10/20 05:49 PM
1

Be advised that there are some financial drawbacks to only being eowe. You'll be paying child support, and can't claim the kids on taxes unless you can somehow get your ex to agree to split them. But the plus side is that you get unimpeded time to bust your ass and build financial stability for you and your kids.
/r/Divorce_Men29/09/20 11:23 PM
4

You can always work it out with your ex out of court. I would argue that don't do EOW f-Sun, Do EOW Wed-Mon. Also work out vacations and the like. Brother you do you, screw what others think. If EOW works for you, people shouldn't think any less of you because of it. Many times in divorce we get so caught up in score keeping, that some how we're the lesser parent because the courts ruled we only get the kids EOW. If you're comfortable with it, screw what others think. You still get time with you…
/r/Divorce_Men29/09/20 06:06 PM
5

Shit why didn't I think of that?! Your honor child support is against my religion. Lol Oh yeah, cause it won't work. The only reason it does is because you fled the country. I pray you find your peace and hope you don't have children.
/r/Divorce_Men29/09/20 05:50 PM
4

Same thing happened in my case with one big difference. My wife created a savings account under her checking account to put my oldest s inheritance. She used it for divorce lawyers and the like. Turns out she kept refilling her savings and inheritance account with my daughters. My lawyer basically told me that we can’t do anything to stop her. But to make sure to mention it to the kid when she turns 18. Mom will have to explain to our daughter why the kids college fund is gone.
/r/Divorce_Men25/09/20 06:20 AM
1

Look at it from a different perspective. Father wants something, but no one is accommodating Father. What can Father do to compel those involved with the church to engage? Nothing. The hard part is that Father is just not around enough to be part of the congregation and build up relationships. Father has established legal rights, but people are not obligated to engage. Passive acceptance is best in this situation, if Father tries to press his "rights" he will be seen as unstable or controlling. …
/r/Divorce_Men24/09/20 06:15 AM
2

Your actions shine more than her words. If your friends leave because of her, they're not your friends. Nothing you can say in defense to your neighbors will make them think better of you. People know that divorces are messy and it doesn't matter if some people believe your ex. In time the divorce will be a vague memory, hold your head up Afterall it's none of their business.
/r/Divorce_Men23/09/20 07:00 AM
1

I never said you side wouldn't matter. it totally does. realize you have worth towards your children and their time with you matters.
/r/Divorce_Men22/09/20 12:25 AM
1

whoa. Lets lay down some truth to you. DO NOT SIGN ANYTHING FROM YOUR EX OR HER LAWYER without your lawyer going over it first. All that she's doing is abusive. That said it's not going to matter in court. Getting a court order is going to stop alot of this crap. Get a lawyer, get an airtight order and start living life. Be honest with your lawyer, they can only guide you if they got the truth. Get into therapy for yourself. You're describing signs of narcassistic abuse. You're blaming yourself,…
/r/Divorce_Men21/09/20 11:54 PM
8

Fleeing won't negate child support. You'll still owe it, even more so that mom has the children full time. Don't take a test unless the judge orders you to. If the judge asks, be honest and say you have done it. If you lie hoping the judge doesn't order a test and it comes back positive you'll really piss off the judge. Stop smoking week now. it's going to take weeks for a court date in that time you'll clear out. Smoking weed isn't a custody killer as it used to be. It's only really a big deal …
/r/Divorce_Men21/09/20 10:02 PM
8

My wife wanted an earlier separation date so she could show on paper she didn’t cheat on me. What she didn’t realize at the time was by having an earlier separation date all the debt she incurred after that date was solely hers. She tried to argue that I should pay half her current credit card balance and the court officer shot her down and told her that since she claims separation was the earlier all charges on her cards after that date are not part of the discussion. Saved me $6k
/r/Divorce_Men19/09/20 05:33 PM
18

So she wants you to pay the bills but wants to be free to fool around. yeah that's a big no from me. Your kids are old enough and it's too long of a time to play married. Start gathering statements, texts and the like.
/r/Divorce_Men18/09/20 02:12 AM
3

so you bifurcated the divorce and community property? Realistically if you have divorce paperwork signed off by the judge stating you get the truck and she gets her car then you don't owe her anything. Sorry about your truck brother. that was a doozy of a storm.
/r/Divorce_Men17/09/20 07:55 PM
3

Take the day and work very hard on shifting your mindset. Gone is the future and past, and "From this point forward" should come in. Forgive yourself for the wasted time, wasted energy. You made mistakes, but you handled your marriage with honor. Her cheating is not your fault. It's not because you're not good enough. She didn't appreciate what she had.
/r/Divorce_Men17/09/20 07:36 PM
3

You married her with her understanding that you would live a Mormon lifestyle. It’s not for me, but to each their own. You then pull out of church, want coffee in the house, change your life to not be burdened by the restrictions surrounding the faith. This directly affects her as well. She believes caffeine is a no go, she still wants to follow the status quo. It’s similar to two vegans who are married, imagine if one day the spouse decides to go paleo. The vegan has to endure her SO eating mea…
/r/Divorce_Men16/09/20 07:43 PM
2

That's an interesting perspective. I don't really see him claiming or demonstrating that his ex is abusive.
/r/Divorce_Men16/09/20 05:26 PM
2

Perhaps, but he admits to being religious in the beginning. Now he doesn’t want to. They’re fighting because he doesn’t want to follow Mormon principals. I get people evolve and change but you can’t make others change with you especially when it comes to something as personal as religious beliefs and traditions. Imagine how she looks at it.
/r/Divorce_Men16/09/20 04:16 PM
6

You knew what you were getting into when you married her. Now you want to change the rules. That's fine if you wife is willing to go along with it, but she isn't. You can't blame her on this one brother. You need to love her, but her respecting you doesn't mean just letting you do whatever you want. You made a choice to love and honor her. Can't put her needs in front of yours? Get a divorce. But don't blame her for the divorce, you changed not her.
/r/Divorce_Men16/09/20 05:18 AM
3

It took about a year of therapy to open my eyes to my ex's behavior and to stop trying to get her approval. Afterwards it was like a curtain was lifted and I could see that it's not ok to treat a person like that, to talk to a person like that. It wasn't until I accepted who I was and what she is that I could truly be content. Now i view life in general with a healthy attitude. It's made a world of difference.
/r/Divorce_Men13/09/20 08:49 AM
1

What do you do? nothing. absolutely nothing. Trying to warn people about your ex just makes you seem unstable. If your niece wants to blow her off, that's her business. If your ex's goal is to use your family members and their instability in court it won't work. Everyone has a crazy uncle or aunt, and Judges don't really care about it. If your niece sends that message it actually illustrates instability. Simply ignoring your ex is the best play. There is no obligation between your niece and your…
/r/Divorce_Men06/09/20 05:48 PM
5

Secure your bank accounts. If that means pulling all you money out a joint account do it. But don't spend more than half of it.
/r/Divorce_Men02/09/20 02:21 AM
1

Yeah the cost of court vs $600. If I was already going to court for the $5400 that would be one thing, but it would look petty asF to go back for this.
/r/Divorce_Men02/09/20 12:27 AM
1

Yeah, my ex doesn't understand what JOINT legal custody means. She tried to change my oldests school, enrolled her in afterschool programs and my youngest in preschool without a word to me. She's even gotten medication prescribed. I really trust the kids pediatrician so it's kind of an ego thing to me. The judge admonished mom about it at the last hearing.
/r/Divorce_Men28/08/20 04:41 AM
2

My ex is the same, kept bringing my kids in for some blown out of proportion issue. She's convinced my 8 yo is going through puberty. She started thinking it was puberty at just under 7yo. Even after three doctors visits saying no, she demanded the doctor order a blood test. Didn't tell me about it until I asked her about it after my daughter told me she went to get a blood draw. Granted my 8 yo is just under 5 feet tall. 98% for height. But no pubic hair and no periods. My ex claimed my younges…
/r/Divorce_Men28/08/20 04:26 AM
5

Not sure if you're in a community property state. The car is community property and you're entitled to half the value of the car. So at the date of separation (ie when she left) if she was in possession of the car then she has to buy you out. honestly the judge is not going to give a shit about her leaving the state with the car. He/she is just going to tell you two to submit assets and debts and split it in half. There is no justice in divorce court, it's all about dividing shit up and sending …
/r/Divorce_Men28/08/20 12:27 AM
2

150 is a I&E. Standard deal, most people have to update child support every few years. they might be asking for figures because it's really easy to fudge numbers when you're self employed. Is the court date for a change in custody? or is it just to recalculate alimony/CS? Child support fluctuates and is formula based in CA, but alimony rarely gets adjusted, but is really up to the judge's discretion. In moms motion it should've laid out why they're taking you back to court. If it was because you…
/r/Divorce_Men25/08/20 01:07 AM
1

If you have an evidentiary hearing or trial coming up the judge would've advised you that discovery would be open and closed. If the divorce and custody case was closed, the other party would've had to serve you with a motion to change custody. During discovery you can request information from the other party. Was the request from her lawyer or from her pro se? I would contact your lawyer to figure out if you have to respond to this. If everything was closed off you might not be required to prov…
/r/Divorce_Men25/08/20 12:54 AM
1

Good news is that relocation in California is really difficult to pull off. But you really need to get a custody order put in place. Right now there is nothing legally stopping her from taking the child to texas. But if she moves and tries to keep the child from you, that's custodial interference. If she moves it will be harder to get things established at first, but eventually it will all work out. Also good news is that since you've been doing 50/50 for 5 years it's in the best interest of the…
/r/Divorce_Men24/08/20 08:15 PM
7

Lawyers can request subpoenas and get your information that way. But it’s harder if they don’t know the bank or account number. Be warned though if it’s discovered you withheld information you could get screwed in asset division.
/r/Divorce_Men23/08/20 06:03 PM
4

Not sure where you are, but my ex tried the same. Our response was simply a denial on all claims. You argue in court and let your ex bring the evidence. In court we simply pointed out that my ex could provide no evidence to any of the allegations. They try to get you to engage so you can slip up and accidentally admit to something.
/r/Divorce_Men21/08/20 01:25 AM
3

All that really matters is if she gets it. You can use zelle which is connected to your bank account. Just make sure you keep records that you're sending it.
/r/Divorce_Men15/08/20 12:12 AM
2

Sure I do, but there isn't anything I can do about it when it comes to my case. So I don't get upset by it. A meaningful relationship with my children is the goal. That's the ball game. to "win" you need to follow the rules, do what your supposed to do. Which means knowing when to speak, and when to just document. Feeling like a victim will never lead you to success.
/r/Divorce_Men12/08/20 07:18 PM
3

Take the high road brother, when it's all said and done you'll hold your head up and know you handled the situation with honor. Besides what does bad mouthing accomplish? Do you really care what your ex's friend think about you? Fuck em, and fuck anyone who judges you without knowing you. Little girls play the game, big girls don't tear someone down to build themselves up.
/r/Divorce_Men10/08/20 08:42 PM
2

Yeah if it’s in the court order then it’s pretty locked down. He could petition the court to modify the order. But he will have to prove that any sort of modification is in the best interest of the child. That’s a pretty high bar, especially with this in the order.
/r/Divorce_Men08/08/20 06:12 PM
1

Pretty specific. But is it a court order? But it does seem that way. You can't modify unless the parents live within 100 miles of each other or someone moves 326 miles away
/r/Divorce_Men08/08/20 04:54 AM
2

You basically can't do overnight supervised visits unless you live with the person who is the supervisor. But lets take a step back, why are you supervised? If it's not court ordered than mom can pound sand.
/r/Divorce_Men06/08/20 11:40 PM
2

Your boys are pretty much beyond the young impressionable stage where something like this can "potentially" impact them. It actually might expose them to some positive (in the long term) messages. If the relationship is as fleeting as you allude to, they'll see the pitfalls of cohabitation with unstable relationships. They could feel slighted because new partners tend to lessen the focus and attention that would be on them. You ex is your ex, with her strengths and weaknesses. you children will …
/r/Divorce_Men05/08/20 10:15 PM
1

nope not a damn thing until the new guy hurts the kid.
/r/Divorce_Men05/08/20 03:42 PM
7

Not sure how it is where you are, but that kind of shit is so common here in the US. Just make sure you don't say or do anything threatening. When you get in front of the magistrate have your solicitor point out the contradictions, lack of evidence, lack of police reports. What gets men here in the US is that we tend to be masochistic and loud. We try to defend ourself and argue with the misses. This gets us in trouble and boom restraining order. Mind your manners and let things go...The time to…
/r/Divorce_Men05/08/20 11:27 AM
2

Yeah, that probably won't fly.
/r/Divorce_Men04/08/20 12:10 AM
2

Yes, and it's glazed over. Courts don't generally care. The only way to get evidence is to subpoena bank records and the like. Have discovery done by deposing mom and her mom. In some ways it's not worth the expense. Child support should continue as is for now, the reduction in pay is temporary and not a cause to readjust the formula unless one parent loses their job.
/r/Divorce_Men03/08/20 11:13 PM
2

Bro, We don't always get things right in life. You and I both make mistakes. Your life isn't over and though it sucks right now it's not the end of the world. Find something you've wanted to do but couldn't because you were married and go for it.
/r/Divorce_Men03/08/20 09:39 PM
3

Very wise perspective. You're now can build on that and petition for more later. Be prepared for more accusations, and for god sakes don't do anything remotely improper. My ex (in calif too) did the same thing. But after a few hearings and case updates we're at 50/50 and mom is pissed.
/r/Divorce_Men03/08/20 09:27 PM
1

When i was married I was active in bipolarspouse. thank god I don't have to deal with that shit anymore.
/r/Divorce_Men03/08/20 06:10 AM
1

Good luck to you. I don't get why you feel like you have to defend yourself to us. Btw don't tell the court she's a narcissist or a sociopath if she hasn't been professionally diagnosed. Which with a narcissist isn't a diagnosis, but a personality trait. And being diagnosed NPD is rare.
/r/Divorce_Men03/08/20 03:33 AM
1

Do what you can, with what you have, where you are. You don't need to feel guilty that you can't do more. But do what you can to help your daughter. She will see what she has coming to her and make choices. Sometimes that means she has to accept going to community college for two years.
/r/Divorce_Men03/08/20 03:23 AM
1

Bro, my ex was similar. I coordinated with the process server and I took the kids out about an hour before she got served. They don't need to see that shit. I don't have an issue with serving her an ex parte TPO. She did attack you. But you need to understand that TPO doesn't put a scarlet letter on her in court. Its intended purpose is to cool the situation down. When you go to court in a month or so don't expect it to stick when it comes to the kids unless you can show that she is dangerous to…
/r/Divorce_Men03/08/20 02:56 AM
8

I know you're tired of hearing it, but this shit has peaks and valleys brother. You hear hang in there, because we know after your valley things will go up. My exwife was bipolar so it's not bipolar to be angry and sad. Bipolar is a mix of euphoric arrogance and absolute despair. What you have is lack of acceptance and being able to cope effectively. Here is something for you to do. Get a therapist man. Not because there is something wrong with you. But because you're internalizing this shit and…
/r/Divorce_Men02/08/20 10:34 PM
7

If the kids are 16+ sure, if they're 10 no. That's too long Kids learn a lot from their parents, if they learn by example that marriages are loveless, they will seek out loveless marriages. The biggest counter to an abusive person, is a non abusive person. Be the person that shows them unconditional love, genuine interest, and a soft landing spot. They will see through you that they have worth, that true caring is real, and that when they invest in a relationship they get something back.
/r/Divorce_Men01/08/20 10:55 PM
1

You don't automatically deserve alimony. You're divorcing and you should try and work on become self sufficient. A judge can and probably will award you some sort of maintenance. But don't go in there thinking that you're entitled to him paying for you to live forever.
/r/Divorce_Men01/08/20 04:37 AM
3

Not sure why this is downvoted, but the same happened to me. When people found out about her affair she became the bad guy. But then she started shouting that she was fleeing abuse so she's a heroic victim again.
/r/Divorce_Men27/07/20 08:49 PM
1

Get some anxiety meds. I was prescribed Propranolol which is a beta blocker. When I started feeling an anxiety attack coming on, or if I have to go to court and see my ex I would take one. It keeps your heart rate down and lessens the anxiety feelings.
/r/Divorce_Men26/07/20 07:04 AM
1

You don't have any fight left, because you haven't refilled your tank brother. You were so reliant on your ex during the marriage and she kept you on fumes for years. When the marriage broke up you still tried to grasp your energy from her or your kids, but it doesn't work that way. You gave her control of your core. Your energy, and your power comes from you, you just haven't tapped into it yet. How? Learn to look at yourself as you, not your ex's ex, you kids dad, or a devastated person. Find …
/r/Divorce_Men26/07/20 06:58 AM
1

Just had court on thursday where this was addressed. (in cali so it's different). The judge basically said that we must follow the school recommendations unless we can agree to deviate. One parent doesn't get to make unilateral decisions for both parents. So if the kid has been going to in person classes before covid and the school is offering in person then unless you both agree to keep the kid distance learning the kid is going to continue in person. But that is my case. This is simply what ha…
/r/Divorce_Men25/07/20 08:30 PM
1

ng flexible for me to taking the kids for ice cream/park on a none schedule day? Should I take her up on this? If you don’t mind sharing- what was it that gave you your setback? Just want to make sure I don’t get caught up in some BS that would prevent me from getting to 50%. Thanks- Of course if she offered it and you want to do it. But don't leave ambiguity in an order. Bottom line is this, you want the order to detail exactly when the kids are to be transfered and who they're with. If you lea…
/r/Divorce_Men24/07/20 01:17 AM
3

Since you didn’t go through the process of a judge things are still very fluid. Keep pushing for more time. Mediation isn’t really binding, so state you want 50/50 and don’t deviate. Moms trying to run the show, but once a court order is in place things will be more solid. My ex keeps making accusations and one got through and I lost weeknight overnights. But I kept fighting and I got everything back to 50/50
/r/Divorce_Men24/07/20 01:02 AM
3

Switch all communication to email, preferably using a site called talking parents or our family wizard. These messages can't be deleted or edited. So if she continues with her abuse you'll have evidence of it. Get some therapy for yourself, not because there is anything wrong with you. It helps you verbalize what's going on and it gives you a non judgement way to just vent it all out. It's easier to deal with her if your emotions have a way to get out and empty your tank. My ex is very similar, …
/r/Divorce_Men23/07/20 07:54 PM
6

It does vary wildly, the judge has wide discretion when it comes to an award of spousal support. But given that you've been married so long and hasn't worked you'll be paying for her to live for quite a while. Here is a link from divorce net. https://www.divorcenet.com/resources/divorce/spousal-support/understanding-and-calculating-alimony-s-0
/r/Divorce_Men22/07/20 06:05 PM
6

Listen to your lawyer, she's shooting herself in her foot. Even if they find that you're not the biological father the status quo is in play here. You've raised this child for 12 years, they're not going to sever that bond. You're future stealing, never waste today's happiness for a slim chance of bad tomorrow.
/r/Divorce_Men20/07/20 09:06 PM
2

Depends on the state and what you’re asking for. If you’re demanding sole physical and won’t come down then perhaps. But if your state doesn’t tell the judge what was said just that you two couldn’t agree then probably not. Sometimes you’ve got to accept that it’s like a dog and pony show before you get in front of a judge.
/r/Divorce_Men19/07/20 07:09 PM
7

Yeah CPS can't overrule a court order, but they can easily get one if they felt it necessary. Document, the refusals. But be patient. Don't instigate a fight, don't demand or try to threaten anything. CPS will talk to you, get your side and close your case if there isn't any evidence. They won't just take moms side of the story. When you get to court you tell your story and it will work itself out.
/r/Divorce_Men17/07/20 01:25 AM
1

Are you really introverted? or are you isolated and lack some confidence? There are key differences between these two. I would argue you're probably the latter. An introvert is naturally disposed to not actively seek out companionship. While someone with lack of confidence is more disposed to reject others before they get rejected. A wife/girlfriend or side chick won't make you happy. Happiness comes from with in. These people share in your happiness, magnifies them. But if you're not content (n…
/r/Divorce_Men16/07/20 06:24 PM
1

This is me to a t.
/r/Divorce_Men16/07/20 06:19 PM
8

Ahhh one of these fights. Not much you can do but ask mom for release the email. If she doesn’t you document it. Next time you go to court for something bigger you throw this in the mix. This is one of those things that you’re honest with you son about. He’ll see that his mom is a childish petty person. Short game nothing, long game profit
/r/Divorce_Men16/07/20 02:27 AM
1

Also... she might throw that your abusive to get sympathy from the court. Since you don’t have kids and If she doesn’t have any proof they don’t care. Don’t take the bait don’t show anger. Don’t yell at her, threaten her in anyway. Don’t call her, show up and don’t do anything that can be twisted into a restraining order. Just treat her like an annoying e-3 someone you have to deal with occasionally but someone who doesn’t have much power.
/r/Divorce_Men15/07/20 07:11 PM
17

As a guy who got a divorce in California let me give you some advice. The courts here don’t give a shit. They want you off their docket. Financially it’s a community property state. They want you to list your assets and debts and divide it in half. You want the car you pay her half. Come up with a financial snapshot of the day of separation. Honestly if you go down the rabbit hole of figuring out what she spent since she left you going to thrown good money after bad Alimony isn’t a thing unless …
/r/Divorce_Men15/07/20 07:01 PM
4

yes you need to calm down. Nothing going on in courts and your lawyer is probably watching netflix half the day. They're not on call 24/7 and since nothing can be resolved right now they're probably just waiting to get stuff done until things open up because people change minds and they've wasted 4 hr s writing a brief that is null and void a week later.
/r/Divorce_Men08/07/20 11:25 PM
0

Hey man, your ex was given sole legal by a judge. So technically she doesn't have to put you on. It's not right I know. Sometimes legally it's not best to keep filing for every infraction. You have to build up a case and they will have more impact when filed together. Once an issue is presented in court that's it, it's been ruled on and can't really be brought up again. You have to overcome the hole you're in. If you keep sniping it makes it look like you're a shit starter. You have to be patien…
/r/Divorce_Men07/07/20 06:05 PM
1

Completely based on state and income. I have to pay child support even though 50/50. You can't get bogged down in how unfair it is. It is what it is.
/r/Divorce_Men06/07/20 10:20 PM
2

Spousal support is very subjective and not mandatory in all cases. It's really designed to help support a person recover from a marriage based on less earning power from not working during the marriage. Since she has a job it's not as necessary and will most likely lessen or eliminate the requirement. Child support is a formula based on gross income. I'm not sure about the 401k, but in this case it might be better to come up with a figure and see if the ex will just agree to it. Courts don't wan…
/r/Divorce_Men06/07/20 10:03 PM
5

30's are the prime for the dating scene. Still young to have fun, but have money to fun stuff. Sorry for your divorce brother. Make sure you spend time just for yourself, take time to heal and find yourself. I've found that quality women find you. It's like the flashest cars get the most looks, but you walk out to your garage and go why the hell did I get a lime green charger?
/r/Divorce_Men03/07/20 06:23 AM
2

You are the change you want. You want more intimacy, become more intimate. You want more openness, become more open You want more trust, learn to bear your soul She will reject you at first because you broke the bonds of marriage. that's your fault You can help how you feel. You accept what you are and where you are. True acceptance, not just I'm ok with it. You are who you are and that is what you are. Doesn't mean you'll be the same tomorrow. You grow and evolve. And the responsibility is not …
/r/Divorce_Men03/07/20 05:07 AM
2

or me.. And when i say guilt, i feel that moreso if i did leave. The main reason (which i failed to mention), I suggested a break. To work on ourselves, so that if we did want to work things out, we both could be in better places, so that our marriage would be in a constant strain. I do want to be happy, im working on my individual self, but i feel that this, is (at times) hindering me from that. You're blaming your marriage for blocking your path to self growth. You're blaming your wife from st…
/r/Divorce_Men03/07/20 04:58 AM
2

grow up? You made mistakes and a man owns up to them. You're feeling depressed? I get that, but when you come to a point of radical acceptance for who you are as a person and stop trying to put the blame on those around you. Your infidelity doesn't define you, your marriage doesn't define you, your age, you job, your car doesn't define you. True happiness doesn't come from these things, it comes from within you. No one owes you happiness, no one owes you trust, love or acceptance. Until you real…
/r/Divorce_Men03/07/20 04:53 AM
4

You're on your 44th hearing and you only have 32 hrs a month? yeah you're not capable of pro se. We're not lawyers. Google it.
/r/Divorce_Men30/06/20 11:32 PM
3

You already are in a huge hole. Unless there is a new psych eval the one already done is still usable. It's not like her lawyer will just ignore it. They will bring it up and i guarantee it will influence the court. Have you been in therapy? If you have a history of therapy and the therapist can write a letter clearing you it will go along way in helping your case. Brother, this isn't a standard custody case. It sounds like she has some ammunition against you. You really need to get a lawyer to …
/r/Divorce_Men30/06/20 07:08 PM
6

Find something you've always wanted to do that you didn't do because she wouldn't let you or you felt it wasn't a good idea because of her. It could be going on a trip, or a new hobby. Hell for me it was buying a few lego sets and building them. (yes it's nerdy but it was my thing)
/r/Divorce_Men30/06/20 03:36 AM
2

It's for the same reason that these toxic people try to end therapists for their children. They fear being exposed. They lie and misdirect to create an illusion that they want, and anything that threatens to shatter that illusion is squashed.
/r/Divorce_Men28/06/20 06:21 AM
4

Bottom line is the temp court order trumps all. Pick up the kid tomorrow. And if the holiday is inline with your temp order, keep the kid on july 4th. She's doing this to piss you off. Don't let it. yes it's going to suck this 4th of july. But GAL is seeing moms behavior. That is the person with the most persuasive voice to the judge. Don't respond pissed off. You're going to eat it this year, but when the final order comes down don't be surprised if next year the holiday's lean to your side.
/r/Divorce_Men26/06/20 02:05 AM
12

She's old enough to make decisions about her mom. You don't have to encourage a relationship with her mom. But don't discourage. It could be teen angst, could be blaming her for the breakup. It's not really on you to fix it. Just be available for her to have someone to talk to.
/r/Divorce_Men24/06/20 03:52 AM
4

Take it for what it is. A sign of what is to come. Take notice and make sure you spell out a custody order that takes what you want into account. Fathers day is more important. Expect the holidays to be a pain too. Good luck brother.
/r/Divorce_Men24/06/20 03:35 AM
3

All depends on where you live. My ex immediately moved in with the guy she cheated on me with. Judge did not care.
/r/Divorce_Men23/06/20 01:56 AM
2

Do you share legal custody? or do you have primary physical and sole legal? If you share legal custody then she has the right to put the kids into a daycare during her custodial time. Unless there is something in the court order that restricts it. You really need to stop being so controlling. She's your kids mom and unless she is doing something dangerous you don't get to dictate how she raises the kids. Having a babysitter is not dangerous.
/r/Divorce_Men20/06/20 05:15 AM
6

yeah she deserves a better man, you need to get out.
/r/Divorce_Men18/06/20 06:47 AM
3

Not doing much to dissuade my opinion there. She is his wife, not a used car, and he is (at least it seems so in my perusing this thread) cheating on her.I understand the legal strategy in it, but it would no less a scumbag move, especially to pull it on someone he's been with for 24 years. True, but after 24 years of being a stay at home he holds some responsibility. Not saying she shouldn't get a job and become self sufficient.
/r/Divorce_Men16/06/20 11:43 PM
7

e to pay. You are destroying her life, you will be responsible for helping putting it back together. Standard for alimony is to maintain the standard of living the wife is accustom to.
/r/Divorce_Men16/06/20 09:11 PM
3

Buckle up man, you're going to be broke for a while. You'll be paying temporary alimony until the divorce is final. So yeah basically you'll be paying for hers and your house. At 24 years of marriage and her being a stay home there is a good chance you'll be paying her alimony until she remarries. You're making a choice, you'll be paying for it for a quite a while. The thing is brother, this is not one of those situations where it's unfair that you have to pay. You are destroying her life, you w…
/r/Divorce_Men16/06/20 08:44 PM
1

When the lawyer bills start racking up on her side she'll be more flexible.
/r/Divorce_Men12/06/20 05:13 AM
7

Don't be surprised if the judge orders her to find full time employment or be imputed income. After the divorce she's responsible for her own living expenses. Support is meant to help the other party until they're able to become stable on their own. It's not a hey I get to have my ex pay for me for the rest of my life. She's entitled to half of assets, and also responsible for half the debts. You might not need to hire a lawyer for trial, but it might be worth it for a few hours to go over the p…
/r/Divorce_Men12/06/20 05:07 AM
2

Tell me about it. I've had 2 hearings pushed back (april and june), and my lawyer advised me that next months is probably going to be pushed back again.
/r/Divorce_Men09/06/20 06:32 PM
3

s thus ruled in my favor. I’m thinking at final they’re gonna see that she gave up the kid for four years, then woke up one day deciding it was her turn again. I would also think mortgage versus rent does impact stability though, plus he wouldn’t have his own room over there. She’s getting her family to help her buy a house in attempt to eliminate that factor from my side though. She hasn’t been on her own two feet without financial assistance for longer than six months in her entire adult life,…
/r/Divorce_Men09/06/20 06:22 PM
1

The judge won't just change your agreement and sign it as an order. They will accept it or reject it and state the reasons for rejection.
/r/Divorce_Men09/06/20 05:46 PM
3

It's possible, temp orders are meant to be a trial period were things are to settle down and evaluate how they're working. If one parent was told to get their act together it gives them time to work it out. Your financial situation is somewhat irrelevant, as mortgage vs renting. Keep doing what you're doing, and everything else is out of your control. But if mom steps up don't be surprised it adjusts at a later hearing.
/r/Divorce_Men09/06/20 05:33 PM
3

hate to tell you bro, she's everyones ex.
/r/Divorce_Men09/06/20 04:08 AM
8

For me, a person who easily gets frustrated. A person who doesn't have solid friends. A person who is late always blaming someone else.
/r/Divorce_Men08/06/20 07:46 PM
9

how will they get it from me in Texas? She can have paperwork saying yeah pay her, but if I don’t pay her, she’s SOL. How will they get it from me if I won’t pay. Talk to a lawyer. Texas isn't a foreign country. Look up Uniform Reciprocal Enforcement of Support Law. She would have to jump through some hoops to get it enforced, but she can then sue you for legal fees to get it enforced.
/r/Divorce_Men08/06/20 05:37 PM
3

Depends on where she files. The entire case is based on the laws where you lived and filed. If she files in Alabama then it's based on Alabama laws. Alimony is a fluid thing, a judge has wide discretion when it comes to an award of support.
/r/Divorce_Men08/06/20 05:28 PM
1

Oh wow, please tell me you're exaggerating. Document moms behavior. It's not up to mom anymore, go get the kids. If your oldest is against it, don't push it. Make sure she knows she's welcome but spend time with the other kids.
/r/Divorce_Men06/06/20 12:36 AM
3

Don’t do anything without speaking to a lawyer first. The length of time is easily explained by saying you were hoping to come to an agreement before pursuing legal means. Don’t agree to your ex’s lawyers agreement and don’t pay anything yet.
/r/Divorce_Men04/06/20 05:21 PM
10

No kids? a couple grand at the most. you guys have been separated for 7 years. no property, no alimony. Just sign the forms and move on.
/r/Divorce_Men01/06/20 09:37 PM
2

I would think the increase in value would be split. Say you bought the property for 1 mil. and now the house and land is worth 1.5 then .5 would be split.
/r/Divorce_Men01/06/20 07:14 AM
13

Don’t let your pride and emotions hinder your vision. Stop being petty and stop taking things personally. Who cares if she’s sleeping around? who cares if she lapsed? It’s not your problem anymore. Put the check back in the mailbox and return to sender. Not your problem.
/r/Divorce_Men31/05/20 07:37 PM
2

I don't disagree with you. That's why reaching out to a lawyer to work out child support would be in your best interest. Did you deduct moms salary? I ran it through a calculator and your child support should be closer to $400.
/r/Divorce_Men31/05/20 06:42 PM
2

Youre right i wrote wrong number i meant 2250.
/r/Divorce_Men31/05/20 06:39 PM
2

So your worksheet says you'll pay 1250 per month. 1/2 Health care can and usually is deducted from child support. Might be worth spending 2k on a lawyer to get this figured out. It seems a bit off balance.
/r/Divorce_Men31/05/20 06:25 PM
6

ght because my lawyer always use to say to me "Oh don't worry about what mom says". I get it, I did the same thing in the beginning. Learn to respond, but not react.
/r/Divorce_Men29/05/20 06:51 PM
12

Your coordinator is right. You can use your ex's emails to counter mom in court. But if it comes across as a tit for tat the impact is completely lost. Let your ex sink herself. remember the battle doesn't lie with the ex. The battle is to remain credible infront of judge. Don't assume that just because mom says something that everyone will believe it.
/r/Divorce_Men29/05/20 06:46 PM
2

i wasn't entitled to my ex's. Her grandparents died when we were married. During the divorce since she kept it in a separate account it wasn't included in the divorce. Your friend might've decided to give his ex a portion of it to lessen alimony or child support.
/r/Divorce_Men29/05/20 05:45 PM
4

ably be forced to find employment. Calculate all yours and her assets and subtract all of both of your debts. Divide that in half and that is what you're looking at giving her. If you haven't already compile all financial statements, bank records, 401k, important documents ie green cards, car titles, etc. One thing I would advise, is just come to grips with the idea that you will have to pay her money. You'll spend $300 an hour trying to stop her getting $5. Just whatever your lawyer says you sh…
/r/Divorce_Men28/05/20 05:20 PM
4

I'm in California and can tell you that most of this isn't going to matter. California is a no fault state, community property state. It sounds like you don't have kids so it should be a simple process. Trying to make your ex look bad isn't going to work in court, Judges don't care. You're getting divorced for a reason. Focus strictly on the non emotional details. You won't find "vindication" in court. All you'll do is draw out the process and cost more in lawyers. Go in there with a single mind…
/r/Divorce_Men28/05/20 05:10 PM
3

I reached out to ex and let her know it was inappropriate to disparage me and also suggested maybe we should meet with a parenting coordinator. I looped her in an email thread with our parenting coordinator seeking information and ex agreed but said to the parenting coordinator that I should meet first alleging that she has "no idea" what this is about and alleged that I didn't communicate with her. Parenting coordinator replied to her ok thanks and that she'll book the first meeting when we bot…
/r/Divorce_Men27/05/20 04:19 AM
4

a judge isn't going to care, but on the flip side a recommendation from a coordinator does carry a bit of weight if attached to the case
/r/Divorce_Men27/05/20 04:12 AM
4

Of course mom is going to deny it, the coordinator has seen it all so I wouldn't worry so much about it. If you though the coordinator was going to control your ex you're in for a disappointing experience. You requested the coordinator. man up, either pay or tell her you're backing out. Don't leave them hanging. Because annoying them right out the gate is not going to give them the best first impression.
/r/Divorce_Men27/05/20 04:08 AM
4

You need to play it straight brother. During the divorce you're going to be required to file a financial disclosure including paystubs.
/r/Divorce_Men19/05/20 10:18 PM
1

Sorry you're going through this. I can empathize what you're going through. It seems to me the only thing you can do right now is to document her behavior. I would advise not to involve the cops unless there is a legitimate threat. Contact with the police can be traumatic with the children. In a way you're communicating with your daughter that mom is bad and the police will arrest her. It's scary and hard on children. Her showing up can be mitigated by not answering the door, or not engaging wit…
/r/Divorce_Men15/05/20 04:50 PM
1

I'm from California and started the process at 9 years. The act of filing was the definitive line in the sand for me. My situation was very different though, my ex moved out. I filed and it was locked in. During the financials we agreed to a date of a separation. One thing to also consider is that you can bifurcate the divorce. Which means you ask the judge to rule on the status of the divorce before the custody and financials are decided.
/r/Divorce_Men15/05/20 02:42 PM
2

Well buckle up brother. It sounds like you're in for what happened/is happening to me. Get a good lawyer, start talking only through text. Learn about gray rocking and focus on your kids. Get a therapist, not because anything is wrong with you, it just will help you vent emotional energy and lets you see things clearly.
/r/Divorce_Men12/05/20 02:58 PM
2

My ex did the same thing. She thinks that if i got painted as some abusive monster she's get full custody. Hopefully you have text of the harassment lawsuit. That will come in handy if she does file a DVRO. As soon as I started putting my foot down and not letting her just do whatever she wanted I got hit with a dvro. She claimed I groped her, stalked her and harassed her. I kept a log of all interactions and used that to show she was full of shit.
/r/Divorce_Men12/05/20 02:13 PM
3

First thing I would suggest is to relax. what you ex is doing is common. She's trying to trump up being "afraid" of you to gain leverage in custody. It usually doesn't work. If you just mind your p's and q's when you get infront of a judge things you will be ordered to get time with the children. If there isn't any arrests or proof of abuse then you'll get 50/50. It sucks right this minute, but you'll do yourself a disservice trying to force your ex to let you have the kids. Don't agree to super…
/r/Divorce_Men12/05/20 11:30 AM
4

Probably best to give her a deadline first. If it's just personal items, document each item. Submit her a list and tell her to get it in 30-60 days and at 31 or 61 days donate the stuff. She's probably just being petty since she knows it bothers you. It's been 2.5 years she obviously doesn't need or want the stuff. You could move it into storage, but you will be responsible for paying for storage. You can't just move it in there and expect her to foot the bill since she never agreed to it being …
/r/Divorce_Men11/05/20 04:42 PM
3

e fuck out of my house and her saying I threatened him and my kids. So nice of her to protect him with false claims... anyway I do own it and will get this done. Seen a therapist every week for a year, took and anger management class, inrolled in alcohol counseling as that was also a claim was told not to return after the second week as there was no abuse and now hired this agency. Doing all the right things. Sounds like it's time to revisit court. Talk with your lawyer to ask for custody modifi…
/r/Divorce_Men09/05/20 07:36 PM
4

I'm pretty sure your lawyer will advise you of this. Figure out what made you get only supervised visits in the first place. As unfair as it might be, own it and work on it. If it was anger, take anger management. If it's drugs, stop and do drug tests etc. Parent classes etc. You won't get anywhere pointing out moms crap. Swallow your pride and focus on you and your kids. It's not fair, it's complete bullshit. But being upset by how unfair it is will change nothing.
/r/Divorce_Men09/05/20 06:08 PM
4

I can understand why it bothers you, but I have to ask why? It’s not something to waste your emotional energy on.
/r/Divorce_Men09/05/20 03:04 AM
3

That's another viable option.
/r/Divorce_Men08/05/20 09:24 PM
3

I can see how you can view it like that. But it's not the only way. Since my daughter is half me and half her mom, it represents the love that created her. It's up to her how she views it to use it or not. If she chooses not to I won't be upset.
/r/Divorce_Men08/05/20 09:22 PM
3

I view it this way. It was important to you (maybe not so much to your ex) You wore it daily as a badge of honor. Don't cheapen the commitment you made because of something someone else did to you. I might be off base because I bought both rings. I viewed it as my pledge to her. Not her pledge to me. So it has value to me. i did right by her in the marriage and wasn't the one who called it quits.
/r/Divorce_Men08/05/20 05:09 PM
2

Mine was titanium and no precious stones it. I decided to keep it and see if my daughter wants it when she gets married. It originally costs a few hundred bucks, it wasn't worth the hassle to sell it. You could pawn it, but don't expect much for it.
/r/Divorce_Men08/05/20 05:04 PM
4

Honestly it's not worth it. Depends on how toxic the ex is. It can send the message that you're hung up on her. My kid wanted to get something for mom, so i took her to target and let her pick something for her. But I won't send her flowers or a card.
/r/Divorce_Men07/05/20 06:46 PM
1

here is my pov after dealing with a gal for almost 2 years. Just go with the flow right now. It's most likely an age/distance thing. Work towards increasing time in a year or two. If you come across as difficult to the GAl they're most likely not going to want to deal with you. Since they recommend overnights, they don't feel you're going to abuse the kids so that's a huge thing. Makes it easier when the kid does get older. you don't have to kiss their ass, but really don't sweat the small stuff…
/r/Divorce_Men07/05/20 05:37 PM
1

These are questions for a lawyer. If she is extremely violent as you say you need to document it. She might be able to stay in the house temporarily since it is best for the welfare of the child. But depending on the state you'll most likely get half the house offset by half the property, debt and cash. If she wants to keep it she'll have to buy you out. If that's not feasible then selling of the house will become necessary. Begin getting information, bank info with account numbers and balances …
/r/Divorce_Men07/05/20 05:13 PM
2

It's obvious that you're not comfortable with mom, I get it and it's fine. She should respect your desires as you do hers. The solution is to be outside when the kids come. Transfers take place at a certain time, be outside a few minutes before that time. When the kids come you focus on them and go inside. Completely ignore mom. It takes out the argument that the kids are "unsupervised" If mom is the controlling type, you're not going to get her to stop until its court ordered. She will look rid…
/r/Divorce_Men07/05/20 04:02 PM
2

the door, then mom opens door all excited at kid and takes kid in and I don't get a big hug or a kiss. I only watch her walk into her mothers place, and then mom hugs her lengthy and that's all I am staring out. The way I am doing it now, I hug her at home before we leave, this way I can always say a proper goodbye. Historically, mom has never really liked the child hugging me, and in the past, child would get in trouble for hugging me at exchanges :/ Actually courts don't want the other parent …
/r/Divorce_Men07/05/20 03:47 PM
2

Blame traps you in victims mindset. A man overcomes, adapts and prospers. Is the cards stacked? yes, Does it require sacrifice? yes. Is it fair? no. is it impossible to overcome? no. ​ Society is changing, align yourself in a position to take advantage.
/r/Divorce_Men07/05/20 03:37 PM
2

Be mindful about throwing things against your ex. there is a time and place for that. It seems like you're getting hung up on child support even though you claim it doesn't bother you. During the course of the hearing each of you are required to file financial disclosures. If she lies on hers and you know it you can have your lawyer request to subpoena her bank information. You can also request a seek work order which requires both of you two to have full time jobs. (not sure how it works with y…
/r/Divorce_Men07/05/20 03:31 PM
5

Of course she wants to keep them full time. Of course you want to keep them full time. It will settle somewhere in the middle. Just because mom wants something doesn't mean she is going to get it. Your solicitor is going to fight for your best interest. It's not about earning power, it's not about who has a job or not. It's about both parents continuing to provide a safe nurturing environment for the children. Don't let the initial proceedings get you down. You'll have to adjust your life for yo…
/r/Divorce_Men30/04/20 05:03 PM
2

It’s so easy to just blame your ex. But that is not healthy. It doesn’t matter how you got here. You wish it was easier, hell so do I. But that shit isn’t realistic. You need to step up and do the hard things that parents have to. Empathize with your kids. Be a refuge for them. Spend time listening to them. Let them know no matter what you’re there for them. When you have your kids it’s not about you. Deal with your stuff when you’re by yourself.
/r/Divorce_Men30/04/20 04:40 PM
9

You didn't say how old they were. The biggest defense against this is consistency. Your ex is going to be spouting all sorts of toxic crap and half the time she won't remember what she said. Pretty soon the kids are going to notice things don't line up. They're hurting too because of the separation, and are probably having difficulties adjusting to it. If you show them love and consistency they'll recognize it and it will counter moms crap.
/r/Divorce_Men28/04/20 08:45 PM
2

Just went through this in calif. Had to go to a settlement offer conference twice and all that. Her checking account and yours are both community. Your inheritance is yours UNLESs it was put into a joint account. Then it gets complicated and she can make claims which you will have to break things down and is a real pain in the ass. It’s probably just make the date on separation as the date you guys split, but it’s just easier to agree on a date. It’s not a huge thing worth fighting over unless t…
/r/Divorce_Men27/04/20 07:47 AM
5

It sounds like you're going to have a hard time in mediation. You haven't addressed custodial time, especially vacation times and holidays. Medical costs and therapy for the kids etc. Your list just screams that you're more interested in making her pay for what she did to you. You're hurt and I get that. But mediation isn't the place to get retribution. It's about setting the foundation for how to come out the other side. She's going to reject every attempt to pay for legal fees, you're going to…
/r/Divorce_Men26/04/20 08:51 PM
2

It's yours of course, but it gets tricky if you've put it into a joint checking account at some point or given her access to the money. As soon as you had it in a joint checking they can make an argument that it became community property.
/r/Divorce_Men25/04/20 10:18 PM
5

This is the right and only answer.
/r/Divorce_Men24/04/20 08:20 PM
5

ReplyshareSaveEdit level 2letak2018Original PosterScore hidden · just nowI asked my lawyer to do this... she said she’d try and get ahold of her client. That was on the 3rd.Lesson learned. Trust me I understand, i forgot my kids medical insurance cards. My ex kept saying she lost them. We get to court the judge had to order her to get them to me within 24 hours. Suddenly she found them.
/r/Divorce_Men24/04/20 12:29 AM
3

This is exactly why one of the first steps in a divorce is to get all the documents. You need to ask your lawyer to ask their lawyer to get it to you. You will need to wait and bring birth certs and the like to the Social security office.
/r/Divorce_Men24/04/20 12:19 AM
2

Shrug it's a woman who knows. could truly miss you. Don't close the door but don't walk through it.
/r/Divorce_Men23/04/20 09:25 PM
4

Basically it's just a legal way to go forward with the divorce. If you file and then withdraw the divorce process is over and nothing changes. They counter petition so that even if you back out the divorce continues. It's common.
/r/Divorce_Men23/04/20 09:04 PM
5

Don’t worry about the angle. If she makes good on her word then great, if not nothing changes. You’re anxious and on edge. It could be that she wants to buy a house for herself and can’t get a loan with this mortgage. But it doesn’t really matter to you, so don’t waste emotional energy on it.
/r/Divorce_Men23/04/20 08:55 PM
1

Mediators will always try to convince both parties to come together. He might feel you're too rigid, and her demands are reasonable. In the end nothing that goes on in mediation is really binding. He's not trying to get you to live beyond your means, he probably feels she is struggling and you have income. He might be a bit biased. But talked to your lawyer. Follow their advice.
/r/Divorce_Men22/04/20 05:59 AM
3

Don't expect your ex to bear the burden of improving the marriage. It's a two way street.
/r/Divorce_Men20/04/20 03:17 PM
1

If she gets to claim the kids, the it would actually lessen your obligation. Nothing changes until the court changes it. So she would have to haul you back to court but she probably wouldn't. It would probably count as income on her part. But it all depends on how long the checks are for. Anything less than six months and I doubt it would be worth fighting for it.
/r/Divorce_Men18/04/20 10:46 PM
9

My case was similar, my ex tried to turn everything into my fault. My ex tried to use counseling as a way to double team me. The counselor for the most part agreed with me so that didn’t last long.
/r/Divorce_Men18/04/20 06:51 AM
3

Doesn't mean the judge will sign off on it. Usually the subpoena will have the scope of inquiry. If you have the paperwork it will say what they're asking for. Most likely it's to verify information about financials, bonuses and the like. Subpoena's are very limited in scope, it's not like just cause they get one they can ask your boss about everything. They will be limited in which questions they can ask.
/r/Divorce_Men15/04/20 06:21 AM
3

I feel bad for mom. But I don't demonize the dad. It's a tough situation. I'm just glad that it's clear it's temporary, and that they still get facetime contact.
/r/Divorce_Men13/04/20 09:14 PM
3

That's definitely a tough spot to be in right now. It might be best to ask mom if you can get makeup time during the summer. Keeps the grandparents isolated and safe. Covid is a bitch but it's temporary and things will calm down soon enough.
/r/Divorce_Men13/04/20 05:35 PM
6

Good for you! buckle up.
/r/Divorce_Men13/04/20 03:48 AM
8

a) take a deep breath b) don't say or do anything remotely threatening c) reach out to a few lawyers, most of them will do free consults d) get as much financial documentation as you can. Any shared credit cards. e) gather birth certificates and the like. f) take a deep breath g) realize that it sucks but you'll get through it.
/r/Divorce_Men11/04/20 08:32 PM
1

absolutely. Life is just different. Enjoyable is how you view life. You ex doesn't make you happy or unhappy. Only you control your own happiness.
/r/Divorce_Men10/04/20 06:38 PM
3

Ideally best thing to do is work with your ex to figure out distribution of assets etc. then after it's all worked out and you two agree you go to your laywer and have them draft it up. They will look over what you agreed to and advise you if you're getting screwed or not. If everything looks good then they draft it up. They will also advise you on what paperwork to file etc Lawyers do free consultations for the most part. hit a few of them up to answer your questions.
/r/Divorce_Men07/04/20 02:59 AM
3

Pay for a lawyer to draw up the papers, should be a couple hundred. If you both truly agree you sign off and submit it. The expensive part of divorce is when you start paying for laywers to go to court and to negotiate for you.
/r/Divorce_Men07/04/20 02:10 AM
14

Please tell me you've been communicating via email. If so you have great evidence.
/r/Divorce_Men05/04/20 01:27 AM
1

I can only speculate, but you might’ve placed too much of emphasis on his feelings and his need. That is not healthy.
/r/Divorce_Men02/04/20 05:55 PM
-2

Hold on sister, It's not your job to "make the man happy" it's a partnership. You were a team. Men like women who need things from them. We take pride in taking care of our families. It seems like you deferred to him too much and in the end you guys became roommates.
/r/Divorce_Men02/04/20 05:41 PM
3

Could be a midlife crisis, could be a reawakening, could be that he now feels empowered to do what he wants. The truth of the matter is he probably was going through the motions for a while, and the balance of how much his sense of duty and his sense of this is my life i've got to live it probably flipped. Men can only take so much of a dead routine marriage. It's as much your fault as it was his. if you don't invest in a marriage it withers and dies.
/r/Divorce_Men02/04/20 04:59 PM
4

The one thing about this crap is that how much we have to bite our lip, while the other person can say whatever they want.
/r/Divorce_Men30/03/20 07:50 PM
4

Not sure how it is in NY, but in my case in Ca. We both submitted a financial statement. We had no assets just debts. My ex tried to claim she had 30k in credit card debt to my 8k. We met with a retired judge the court uses for these arbitration. We both had to provide proof of debt. Added both together and split it. In the end she lied and only had about 10k so I owed her just under 1k. As for property, she didn't want anything. But demanded to be reimbursed for half of my truck and that her bm…
/r/Divorce_Men28/03/20 09:52 PM
1

Actually california is a two party state. You need to get their permission to record aslong as it's not in public or a place where you have no expectation of privacy.
/r/Divorce_Men28/03/20 05:38 AM
2

At least in America contempt can bring fines and jail time. If judges find the parent in contempt and they feel the parent was egregious in their violation I wouldn’t be surprised that judges start issuing serious fines.
/r/Divorce_Men26/03/20 07:11 PM
2

Just look at the post on r/custody and you'll see how it's playing out. I imagine a crap ton of contempt cases are going to be hitting the bench in the next few months and judges are probably going to come down hard on parents trying to use covid to deny custodial time.
/r/Divorce_Men26/03/20 06:05 PM
3

Oh yeah, then lawyer up. But I still wonder if it's worth it.
/r/Divorce_Men24/03/20 05:23 AM
3

well ask yourself if there is a benefit to filing with him as a dependent? Compare that to the cost of litigation? And even then you might not get to claim him. I don't really see it working out financially, and since he's 19 it's a short term thing anyways. Might reach out to the x and see if you can claim him next year. That is unless there is an existing court order regarding this issue.
/r/Divorce_Men24/03/20 03:59 AM
1

Brother, what a fucked up situation you might be facing. I hope you have a custodial order in place. Seems to me that moving the children out of county without court notification is a huge no/no. Document, and if any time is missed file for contempt. My lawyer told me that until april 7 is emergency only in the courts, but that they will be resuming a normal schedule afterwards. I have a hearing on the 16th that is still a go.
/r/Divorce_Men23/03/20 07:26 PM
3

Stick with the solicitor, you seem to be in a hole already. This is a pretty bad time to accomplish anything. But when it all ends swallow your pride and take the parenting course and get a therapist. It shows that you're jumping through the hoops. Each step you take is taking a bullet away from you ex. In the end there will be a history of you doing whatever you could to see the kids, and you ex kept trying to stop you. Your ex sounds toxic and vindictive. You're not going to get anywhere tryin…
/r/Divorce_Men23/03/20 07:17 PM
3

Sounds like a TRO. Basically you'll have a hearing in about a month (maybe less with the courts only dealing with emergency cases) In the mean time get a lawyer, don't reach out and don't break the restraining order. Unless she has evidence the TRO will be reversed and a temp custody order will be established.
/r/Divorce_Men20/03/20 03:32 AM
2

Sure, but not sure you'll get it. Depends on the reason why you're rejecting 50% of assets. But honestly, consider it divorce tax and move on. I paid my wife a couple K just to avoid an expensive trial.
/r/Divorce_Men19/03/20 04:18 AM
1

You should get a child support established. The judge won't order back payment unless there is fraud which in this case is unlikely without a order requiring her to.
/r/Divorce_Men18/03/20 11:54 PM
2

my ex was pretty nasty in her comments, I would not respond and cease communication when she launched her diatribe. It didn't stop her at first, but when the judge read her comments she got a reprimand. That did it.
/r/Divorce_Men17/03/20 03:29 PM
1

It all depends on if there is an objection from the other party.
/r/Divorce_Men13/03/20 03:26 AM
5

Are you wrong? Kinda. Is it justifiable? Sure. You're frustrated and worn down. Doing what you did is ok, but don't drop down to being petty. Document every time she has you keep the kids on her time. Don't absorb her vitriol by calling you a bad dad. Shes trying to bully and control you. She can't bring this to the court because it causes all sorts of questions. And in the end makes it seem like you should have overnights anyways. I recommend getting a therapist, not because there is anything w…
/r/Divorce_Men12/03/20 07:20 PM
10

In many ways it's just cognitive bias. You feel marginalized so you look for signs to back up your feelings. Brother, The truth of the matter is there are fights worth fighting for, and their are fights not worth suiting up for. The teacher might feel a better connection with mom. But the next teacher might not. Doesn't mean that the teacher is devaluing you. You feel insecure and I get that. But i feel like it's mainly in our heads.
/r/Divorce_Men12/03/20 05:44 AM
2

Tell her she can have the summers. There is no standard that the man gets shafted. I'm in the middle of a divorce in California as well. Basically my wife was told that if she wants to leave she will be the one giving up the majority of the time. So now i'm dealing with false accusations trying to get the kids taken away. Stay strong, find a strong lawyer. Start saving up for lawyer fees.
/r/Divorce_Men07/03/20 11:36 PM
1

Well I’ll explain how it works for me maybe it will give you an idea. So we’re 50/50. Mom has Monday Tuesday I have wed and Thursday. Alternate fri-sun. Kids are both school age so transfers are somewhat simple. After my weekend I drop the kids off at school Monday am and head to work. Pick up kids wed after school and keep them till Friday and drop them off at school and go to work. The next week I just pick them up on wed after school and keep them till Monday (my weekend) If you can arrange f…
/r/Divorce_Men07/03/20 12:17 AM
6

I do a 50/50 with a 2/2/5 split. It works very well. I have the girls wed/Thursday and every other weekend. Allows me to maintain a consistent work schedule and things are stable. Don’t make your ex’s argument for her. You want 50/50. Figure out a way that can work for you. Child care etc. don’t worry about what your ex does.
/r/Divorce_Men06/03/20 09:50 PM
11

Sorry brother. You'll have better days.
/r/Divorce_Men02/03/20 12:38 AM
2

ld put together. i.e. "we need to confirm for matters of court record if Mrs Copperpot, SSN 123-45-6789, of city, state has or is currently working for your company, Doordash, as a contractor/delivery driver, on or after the date of Jan 1, 2020 as part of verifying her employment history. All we need is confirmation, and the date range of employent/contracting if so." That would probably treated the same as calling a prior employer to verify you worked there (but they won't say anything more due…
/r/Divorce_Men28/02/20 04:56 AM
7

Door dash issues a 10-99 I believe so it will be reported on taxes.
/r/Divorce_Men28/02/20 12:49 AM
5

When we ran the numbers we had to provide two months of paystubs and last years tax return. It's pretty much stayed that way.
/r/Divorce_Men25/02/20 10:07 PM
6

Sorry man, These things take time to sort themselves out. It's only been 3 months, the bread winner is usually on the hook until the divorce is done. It's a rough year but you'll get through it.
/r/Divorce_Men10/02/20 04:44 PM
5

This will pass. You’re ruminating on things. Quite normal. Focus on self care, do the things you’ve always wanted to do but couldn’t.
/r/Divorce_Men09/02/20 08:13 AM
6

No, you're not obligated. But if your kids want to do it there is no harm in letting them.
/r/Divorce_Men07/02/20 06:32 PM
1

It's mediation, if it's already in the court order just position for clear removal but have a backup spot of 6 months dating before introduction. It's unreasonable to have an indefinite restriction of SO introduction. Unless they can prove there is a danger it's just them being controlling.
/r/Divorce_Men06/02/20 02:10 AM
5

I thought I was screwed when it came to finances after the divorce. Just remember that it's just a temporary setback and you can always build up again. You saw one positive, not paying thousand of dollars in health insurance, If you tighten up for a few months and put that money towards building yourself up you'll be out of the fog in no time.
/r/Divorce_Men05/02/20 08:18 PM
3

My wife was kind of dumb, She got mad at me over something and told me she slept with my best friend while she was away on a "girls weekend." Turns out the two planned a weekend away. He left his wife a few days before. So i was able to file immediately before she took the kids out of state.
/r/Divorce_Men02/02/20 07:27 PM
5

Sounds like your screwing yourself. Why are you agreeing to a 75% split? Why are you agreeing to spousal support? You were only married for 6 years which means you would only be on the hook for half of that. You need to get a lawyer. Back out of all agreements now. do things right.
/r/Divorce_Men02/02/20 04:20 AM
3

Unless it's on paper she can pound sand. Bottom line is this, she can't control who you bring around the child. She can file a motion, but she will have to prove than your partner is a danger to the kids. Her insecurities about being replaced as mommy are unfounded. In divorce she doesn't get to dictate anything that goes on at your house. Nor can you dictate anything at hers. If you feel the new partner is fine with the children introduce them. I would honestly do it now if you feel it's approp…
/r/Divorce_Men31/01/20 04:10 PM
5

Give Award share Report Save Let her pay for it. You're separated. She doesn't control you wallet. Just tell her that given the circumstances it's unreasonable.
/r/Divorce_Men25/01/20 03:58 AM
2

Judges don't give a squat about extra curriculars. If it was something they were involved in before the separation continue. But anything else I would say hold off until the divorce is final.
/r/Divorce_Men25/01/20 03:49 AM
5

Transitions are always hard on children. Try not to take it personal, she doesn't mean it.
/r/Divorce_Men24/01/20 03:56 PM
7

When I got my first paycheck. I was a SAHD.
/r/Divorce_Men15/01/20 10:01 PM
3

I would say a 2-2-5-5 is your best option. I find it best since I could schedule work on a weekly basis knowing which days the kids will be with me. Minimizes transfers and allows for time to do fun stuff on the weekend. Things to work out. Holiday schedule. Alternate christmas and thanksgiving yearly and a week long vacation during the summer with alternating priority. Don't go too nitty with holidays, don't disrupt the routine for 4th of july or arbor day.
/r/Divorce_Men14/01/20 11:50 PM
3

nope, She's not threatening you in any way. She has a legit reason to be there. Just petty and childish.
/r/Divorce_Men13/01/20 11:44 PM
4

Walt, I think part of you is just tired. There really isn’t an easy way for you to walk away without sacrificing a lot of your finances. With that long of a marriage you’ll be on the hook for supporting her for a long time. I would recommend getting therapy for yourself, you’re worn out and your wife isn’t going to help build you up. I would have a come to Jesus talk with her. Get marriage counseling. She is sick, and needs help. Talk with a lawyer, but know that leaving her is going to cost a l…
/r/Divorce_Men13/01/20 05:37 AM
3

The threat is the biggest thing facing you right now. Start talking in text. If you can get her to threaten to kick you out with a false DV charge then things swing. Get a lawyer, try your best to lose emotions. Get a therapist so you have an emotional vent. Don't worry so much about how bad she's going to screw you, ex's tend to spout all sorts of veiled threats but reality is far different. Alimony isn't guaranteed, and lifetime isn't after 10 years despite what people say. It's all a formula …
/r/Divorce_Men10/01/20 09:59 PM
2

Not clear on North Carolina laws. But once your separated you can file for custody. Do this ASAP. I would speak with an attorney.
/r/Divorce_Men07/01/20 05:37 PM
2

No it's not really fair, you basically gave up all your weekends. Parents need to be involved with the school, homework etc. Weekends are also times for soccer games and the like. She might say oh little jonny wants to do soccer, but i'll keep him since the game is on Saturday. And who's to say next christmas she goes I really want the kids, and bam she's two hours away and you have to go get them. 5 days apart isn't that big of a deal honestly. I'm on a 2-2-5-5 schedule and it's almost ideal. I…
/r/Divorce_Men07/01/20 04:14 AM
5

I'm totally not saying your a narcissist. But reading your post gave me a victim vibe. I did this, i did everything, she is claiming this. It's unfair. Brother, i'm going to say that you're better off. Fight for your son. Keep growing and keep gaining wisdom.
/r/Divorce_Men06/01/20 11:08 PM
15

I recommend asking her to go to marriage counseling. I would also recommend getting into therapy for you. I think the core of whats happening is that you don't feel heard. Don't bring up divorce yet, i think you should at least try to make it better.
/r/Divorce_Men05/01/20 03:47 AM
2

There is a forum that might help you with your question. Probably not this one though.
/r/Divorce_Men05/01/20 01:09 AM
7

I completely agree, so does therapists and counselors. But there isn't any law stopping it.
/r/Divorce_Men04/01/20 03:47 AM
11

Is it normal to want to know more? sure. Is there anything you can do about it? no. My exwife went straight from my bed to her (now husbands bed). The kids were staying with him the first weekend. Not a damn thing I could do about it.
/r/Divorce_Men04/01/20 03:31 AM
12

Don't rely on her for the process. get a lawyer, file for divorce. There is 0.12 percent chance you two can come to a reasonable agreement. Don't engage with her about the divorce, it's going to do no good anyways. She'll just back out of anything she agreed to and then tell you she never agreed to it. Come to a point in your mind that the marriage is over and this person is not your wife anymore. Get a custody order in place, that way she can't just bail with the kids. Get the kids into therapy…
/r/Divorce_Men03/01/20 10:11 PM
8

Very unlikely. Unless there is some hard evidence of abuse of the child. Courts don't care how you and your soon to be ex interact with each other. They're interested in the best interest of the child, and having both mom and dad in their lives is in their best interest. general rule of thumb, the more time you want to take from the other parent the more money it will take to get it done. Start focusing on building a stable house for the child with you. please remember you child loves both of yo…
/r/Divorce_Men02/01/20 08:55 PM
1

Thanks for the advice, man! I definitely agree. I really wish I would've waited and worked on me more but it all happened so fast. I don't know if you ever saw How I met Your Mother but there is an episode about this girl that the main character has been trying to get with but she has a narrow window of being single. That's kinda how this was (literally a week later and GW would've been with another guy). I don't even know where to start on me though. I'm just kinda existing at the moment. Focus…
/r/Divorce_Men02/01/20 06:50 AM
5

You thought a new girl would fix you. Truth of the matter is you're unhappy because you didn't take the time to heal yourself. The hard part is that until you spend some time on yourself you will never be happy. Your ex doesn't hold all the blame in your relationship failure.
/r/Divorce_Men02/01/20 06:35 AM
3

One common problem with men is that we tend to blame other people for our problems. Try evaluating the relationship through a lense of am I projecting my insecurities on her. Do I blame her for our debt, do i blame her for the fights. It is so easy to put the responsibility of our problems on others. Here is the hardest part, own up to your families problems. It's not your wifes fault for everything, you share the blame too. But here is the good thing is that this problem doesn't define you. You…
/r/Divorce_Men02/01/20 06:16 AM
2

In CA it's either other parents approval, or judges order. Almost impossible without termination of parental rights or the kids are adopted.
/r/Divorce_Men28/12/19 05:45 AM
4

Pay for a lawyer. Just did my financial SOC yesterday. Mom shows up with handwritten numbers claiming I owe her 12k. I was a SAHD. Judge was like uhm where is your proof. She was told last time to bring documents. Ex expects to keep her BMW, but expects me to pay for half of my truck. Tried tacking on 10k in lawyer fees. So now for the second time she has 30 days to provide documentation. She is pro se now, and thinks she can get whatever she wants. Judge is trying to get us off his calendar and…
/r/Divorce_Men18/12/19 07:26 PM
10

Whoa whoa whoa...why the heck do you still want to be with this woman? She’s already shown you that she doesn’t give two dicks about you.
/r/Divorce_Men06/12/19 12:29 AM
10

You're letting her narrative take root in your head. You know you love your kids. Are we as dads perfect no. But that doesn't mean you're a bad dad. You need to ground yourself in the truth, she's trying to destabilize you by getting you to question yourself. Know you're a great dad. embrace it.
/r/Divorce_Men05/12/19 05:50 PM
6

I would say that you want to spend more time with the kids, tell her you want something that works for you. Ie an extra couple hours on saturday morning when you don't have the kids. ie You'd like to make saturday breakfasts a thing. Take them out for breakfast. She might be playing a game trying to show you're not interested in more time with the kids.
/r/Divorce_Men05/12/19 05:40 PM
5

Might be a good idea to do a consult with a local lawyer. Each jurisdiction/province and state has different rules. But generally no. In California college doesn't matter, as soon as the kid is 18 and graduate highschool.
/r/Divorce_Men05/12/19 04:23 PM
19

Live your best life. It will eat them up. You're giving her free rent in your head. Evict her
/r/Divorce_Men03/12/19 12:12 AM
2

il they overlook some of his past history I'm sorry but do you realize how much pain and damage both personally and professionally you (or your family) caused him. A PPO is a career killer for lawyers/doctors/law enforcement/ teachers etc. he hasn't reached out, take that as a sign. Move on.
/r/Divorce_Men02/12/19 07:22 PM
2

He made his choice to not contact you. You need to respect that and move on.
/r/Divorce_Men02/12/19 06:58 PM
3

Brother, Alot of us have been there. It's only temporary. Try (please try) to work on something for yourself in the meantime. Go to the gym, camping or something constructive. You can't change anything till the hearing, but you can sure solidify the current situation. My ex filed a bogus restraining order, called CPS on me 6 times, and is trying to use the kids to get me in trouble. All reversed at the following hearing. The courts will block the kids to protect them in an abundance of caution. …
/r/Divorce_Men21/11/19 05:11 PM
7

brother, you might need to recheck your attitude. Your wife fell, and instead of helping her you pointed out her failure. If you want out get out. Accept your life will change. Make the sacrifices for your child. But everything you wrote was about how it was bad for you. I would be pissed too if my wife pushed me down every time I stumbled.
/r/Divorce_Men21/11/19 06:44 AM
0

Try to Get it in writing that she said if you didn’t leave she will make an abuse claim.
/r/Divorce_Men18/11/19 01:58 AM
4

If you’re in a no fault state adultery doesn’t really factor into custody or divorce.
/r/Divorce_Men04/11/19 07:01 PM
15

Brother, Lose that defeatist attitude. It doesn't serve you well. Men rise up to challenges. You're tired and worn down, i completely understand. Your mind is swirling with all sorts of negative thoughts. I would recommend getting a therapist, not because you're crazy. Therapy helps you get out the dark thoughts and lets you leave with a clear head. Your son needs you.
/r/Divorce_Men23/10/19 07:36 PM
2

Get the threats in text, game over. he shouldn't sign anything. She doesn't decide if the charges are to be dropped. he said / she said doesn't fly in court. She's preying on his irrational fear.
/r/Divorce_Men22/10/19 11:47 PM
1

A night or two to cool off shows that you're being rational. If you just stop coming back that's a bad thing. Get a lawyer, start communicating only in text. Learn to let the bait go. Doesn't sound like BP (my ex was diagnosed BP1 so I know about it). Generally sounds more narcissistic, she's not comfortable enough to sleep so she must make you uncomfortable.
/r/Divorce_Men22/10/19 04:22 AM
1

Yes, file first. best advice. You set the narrative from the start.
/r/Divorce_Men19/10/19 03:48 PM
1

I'm at the end of pretty much what you're going through. Wife with BP1, two young kids. When it comes to mental illness unless you can demonstrate that it's currently affecting the children it will have little effect at first. They won't automatically give you the kids. If she is compliant with therapy and medication they will give her the benefit of doubt. But if she isn't getting help they would be more willing to give you primary custody and visitation for mom. As said before, document behavi…
/r/Divorce_Men19/10/19 03:42 PM
1

Honestly, I cried. Part sorrow, part joy
/r/Divorce_Men15/10/19 10:26 PM
3

What gets my goat about CA child support, is that it doesn't matter that the ex got remarried. She doesn't have to work and though we were ordered to both get full time work she's ignored it. So she was making about $25/hr before and now that she doesn't work claiming she makes $1600 a month. So i pay $450 a month for 2 kids and 50/50 split.
/r/Divorce_Men03/10/19 06:56 PM
1

most lawyers don't charge you the full $300 per hour. Mine breaks it down to about $30 to respond to a message. Honestly my ex is just barraging her with emails and she just charges me for one response.
/r/Divorce_Men27/08/19 10:08 PM
5

Lawyers don’t cost 1500/hr. Since you and your ex are in agreement for the most part it shouldn’t be too bad. Talk to a few lawyers, a lot of them do free consultations.
/r/Divorce_Men27/08/19 03:17 AM
1

Going through divorce in California. I can't agree with your statement. Everything has been pretty much equal. The judge told us to both get jobs, told us to divide everything. He even told us to work it out, or the person being unreasonable will be sanctioned. I got the impression that the court feels we're adults, we need to act like it or we'll get spanked.
/r/Divorce_Men28/07/19 05:58 AM
2

I would recommend look at it from the perspective of whats best for the kid. General perception in courts favors joint custody. Courts are reluctant to break up parental relationships because it would be easier for a single parent. You will most likely be looking at 50/50. Unless there is distance between the parents. Locking away in the room is not a great look, but it doesn't mean she can't be involved with the kids when you're not there. Bottom line doesn't matter if you paid the bills, doesn…
/r/Divorce_Men25/07/19 11:52 PM
1

Find legal aid. They will have free lawyers to help. Just be glad you don't have kids. Child support is usually mandatory, but judges have discretion when it comes to alimony. Take care, and keep your chin up!
/r/Divorce_Men23/07/19 02:21 AM
1

anyway including my sanity and my health and my cars and everything and havent been able to work in years and she uses her 2 bit job and the good credit i built for her to maxx out all her money on lawyers and continue 2 harrasd me and i cant stop beating myself up because no matter what I didnt prevent the total destruction of everything i owned This too shall pass man. Lawyers can only do so much. She would've been vindictive anyways. Divorce brings out the worst in people. But judges listen t…
/r/Divorce_Men23/07/19 02:12 AM
1

Eh, honestly we spend so much money and time trying to get the ex in some sort of quandary. Your lawyer knows about the temp hearing, and it's just another knock against her. But courts don't give a crap about what parents do to one another. Just the kids. If you can document abuse great, but unless it's against the kids or it's so egregious that it can't be ignored nothing will happen but 50/50. Half the time you'll lob back and forth, and a week before a hearing they're molly misses and nothin…
/r/Divorce_Men23/07/19 02:05 AM
1

Eh, if she trashed the house then people would know who did it. But stuff is replaceable. I just took the important papers and some personal items. bottom line is forgive yourself. No matter how it started, it's done. Nothing you can do about it. Beating yourself up will not do any good.
/r/Divorce_Men23/07/19 01:57 AM
1

No split is going to be friendly. All you can do is minimize the damage done. ​ I felt forced to file a because my wife told me she was done and was taking the kids to another state despite my objections. Took the kids out of town and had her served when she showed up at the house. Custody battle has been hostile ever since. But the kids are locked here, and I don't have to fight Mom to establish custody in my state.
/r/Divorce_Men23/07/19 01:34 AM
3

If you're legal parent you can take them until you have a court order....BUT it might not be the best legal starting point unless you can justify taking them. ie abuse, neglect, etc. ​ More scrutiny is given to men trying to take the kids away from mom. If you're switching residences set up rooms for them and get prepared. ​ Come up with a custody schedule that is equal 2-2-3 etc. Amount of time doing daily routines are an important factor, but it's not enough to take custody away from mom. Unle…
/r/Divorce_Men22/07/19 09:11 PM
1

Have you talked with her about divorce? I don't understand peoples tendency to think that springing divorce on someone is the best play. Protect yourself sure, but just dropping a divorce filing without abuse is kind of chickenshit.
/r/Divorce_Men20/07/19 06:44 AM
2

You haven't said that your wife has or is doing anything wrong. If you want a divorce don't drag her through a messy one. She gave you the best years of her life, the least you can do is to not make the next 12 a misery. But you did make a promise to her, you shouldn't throw that away easily. Get counseling, at least try and make it work. Your kids and wife shouldn't suffer for your midlife crisis.
/r/Divorce_Men20/07/19 06:34 AM
2

As sad as it sounds, these kind of allegations are quite common. CPS has seen them time and time again. So first thing is to try and relax. If they thought your daughter was in danger they would've taken your child. Second thing is you need to learn to be zen about your ex's tirades. She's trying to bait you, every time you argue, yell or respond negatively you're just feeding her desire to continue. And every time you react in this manner you're just giving her ammo to use against you. You're l…
/r/Divorce_Men10/07/19 03:05 PM
1

Not sure how texas works, but in my divorce in CA. They took what I was making (was sahd) with my last few months of paystubs. But they also had us produce tax returns. If there is a huge drop I would expect you would have to give a good reason. If teaching is your passion I say go for it. They won't assign CS at your previous level.
/r/Divorce_Men10/07/19 04:31 AM
1

Child support in Ca is based of time with kids and differential in income. A judge will most likely order her to gain full time employment. You will probably be on the hook for alimony for a while. and you could always request a change of CS if you lose your job. ​ I will just say, it's sounds like you're upset and most people don't do the best thinking when they're upset. My advice is to hire a lawyer. They will give you great insight into what you're really facing. ​ But I would suggest gettin…
/r/Divorce_Men10/07/19 03:28 AM
1

arrived as I was leaving. She was mad that she had to buy groceries because I didn’t want to. She was even petty enough to say “i bought this with no income, if you eat any of it I would expect you to reimburse me for whatever you consume”. Then later on she called me on the phone and I stayed civil and composed giving morning but straight to the point responses in case she tried to set me up. She said she was sad and lonely that I wasn’t home. She couldn’t understand why I’d need an escort when…
/r/Divorce_Men09/07/19 05:12 PM
2

the cat, buy her more moving boxes and buy milk. I said NO to all 3. Why? If she can pack 10 moving boxes, she can feed 1 cat. If she can venture herself to buy moving boxes yesterday why not again today and on the way some milk? I am torn with my emotions because I can only remember the good times but I am proceeding with the divorce as it is affecting my health and my work. I recommend taking the high road. there are many benefits to this. But the primary is that when it's all said and done yo…
/r/Divorce_Men08/07/19 05:44 PM
3

She's riding you because she feels that you're not even trying to be equals in a relationship and feels used. ​ To be honest man, when you start lying to cover your butt you forfeit the high ground. Men are supposed to have integrity. She wants a divorce, ask yourself if you want to save it. If you want to save it, you need to own it, take responsibility, and start doing the things that men do. ​ If you want a divorce get a divorce. But it sounds like you had a good thing.
/r/Divorce_Men08/07/19 04:27 PM
3

take it from a guy who has divorced a bp1. Don't hold back. You can always stop the divorce or get remarried. Serve the papers. ​ What you described is typical in BP. Cheating is extremely common in manic phases. But I'm not advocating staying..or leaving actually. That's a decision you have to make. Being a spouse to a BP is hard, it takes alot of patience and forgiveness. But one thing you have to remember that BP is not your wifes fault. Is it unfair to a spouse? absolutely. ​ You need to est…
/r/Divorce_Men08/07/19 03:31 PM
2

because my wife and I are youngish. He granted us 50/50 and told us both to get a full time job. In california they use a formula to figure out support. If my ex and I made the same money there would be no support
/r/Divorce_Men05/07/19 09:59 PM
2

yes it's possible. In my case my judge ordered both of us to get a full time job. She was the sole earner and I was the SAH. She was ordered to pay me child support temporarily.ReplyshareSaveedit level 2jockhockOriginal PosterScore hidden · just nowWhat if the child is an adult just starting college at 18? Really depends on the state and situation. The assumption is that both parties should take care of themselves. Some states like florida have lifetime alimony, but in california it's based on h…
/r/Divorce_Men05/07/19 09:45 PM
2

yes it's possible. In my case my judge ordered both of us to get a full time job. She was the sole earner and I was the SAH. She was ordered to pay me child support temporarily.
/r/Divorce_Men05/07/19 09:38 PM
2

Even if she wants to move away it's still unlikely she'll get 100%. If you're currently at 50/50 it will more likely be school for one, vacation for another. It really depends on evidence. If you don't have any arrests, drug problems, then it will come to what parent would be more likely get the kids to school, dr appointments. etc. It's on the moving parent to show why moving is in the best interest of the kids. ​ In the end the kids benefit from both parents. ​ Start documenting things. Commun…
/r/Divorce_Men05/07/19 06:22 PM
2

From my experience, it doesn't matter too much. if you haven't been professional diagnosed it won't get traction. People lie and make up so much crap in divorce that unless there is a case where you put your kids in danger because of your mental health it won't matter. ​ My wife is diagnosed BP1 with multiple and recent hospitalizations. The court basically took her psych's note that she is stable and called it good. But if she has an episode and is hospitalized we go back and put in for an emer…
/r/Divorce_Men05/07/19 03:53 AM
2

Just remember the mediator won't tell the judge where you guys ended up unless there is an agreement. Don't be afraid to say no if you don't agree with something.
/r/Divorce_Men25/06/19 04:50 AM
2

There is a big step from what you caught him doing and infidelity. Consider it a wake up call and see if there is more you can do for him. Marriage, even bad ones are two way streets. Instead of just focusing on what he did, focus on on what is going on in the marriage that lead him to reach out to someone else.
/r/Divorce_Men30/05/19 10:46 PM
1

My California divorce was pretty quick, exactly 6 months. We bifurcated the status. Got a 2-2-3 custody despite the ex wanting sole with no overnight visitation and throwing in a dvro against me. Didn’t have any major assets just debt. We’re still hashing out vacation and debt. But the judge made it clear that after my wife’s attempt at a dvro that he will not play games with us. We work it out or he will sanction the party playing the games.
/r/Divorce_Men30/04/19 05:37 PM
1

Definitely bulldozing. Talk to your lawyer, but filing first does sound like your best play. Jurisdiction is based on where the kids lived for the past 6 months.
/r/Divorce_Men29/04/19 05:48 PM
6

People can ask for anything. Doesn’t mean they will get it.
/r/Divorce_Men23/04/19 04:38 PM
1

It also really helps to get a therapist. Mine lets me just go off and get it all out. The last 15 minutes is used to bring me back to center.
/r/Divorce_Men12/02/19 03:05 AM
2

Just got through this last week. Wife made multiple claims and got a TRO. Fortunately I kept a log and was able to counter her arguments. She felt so smug she dropped her lawyer and when it came to the hearing we were able get her to admit to her mental condition, admit to acting out in anger and damaging property, and able to get her confused on her "facts" and after that it was all over. After 15 minutes of her ranting, my lawyer asked her 3 questions and 2 to me to get the judge to hold up hi…
/r/Divorce_Men12/02/19 03:02 AM
1

I immediately sought out a therapist when my wife left. Went to my gp to get sleeping meds since I tend to have stress induced insomnia. A!so got a anti anxiety prn. Take care of your mind. It will stop you from doing stupid things based on emotions
/r/Divorce_Men04/01/19 06:00 AM
4

Communicate only in written form. Learn to not let your emotions dictate your actions and always think before you act.
/r/Divorce_Men02/01/19 07:38 PM
1

I feel the same way. My situation is different, i was able to start legal when my wife left and now have 50% but the days the kids are with mom are soul crushing. It's really easy to get down, especially during the holidays. It's time to find you. Get out of the house and do things. It's awkward at first, but in time the new norm will establish itself. Keep your chin up.
/r/Divorce_Men06/12/18 05:18 PM
1

I’m going to keep it and if my daughter wants it when she gets married I’ll let her have it.
/r/Divorce_Men14/10/18 11:14 PM
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