Hi,

​

I have a retained attorney but she is on vacation until Jan 3rd and I need advice. I live in California.

​

My wife filed for a legal separation, not a divorce, with joint custody but with the kids living 100% with her. My lawyer filed a counter for joint custody and 50/50 split in living arrangements.

​

Some background. With the work from home environment, I had been drinking too much. There were no hostilities, my work performance did not suffer, but I was withdrawn from the family too much and I regret that. I have not had anything to drink since Nov 3rd, and at her request, I entered an outpatient program that ended a few days ago. During the time I was in outpatient she took the kids to her father's house out of state. We both agreed to that. She says that the kids knew I was drinking and this is the reason for her filing. She had asked me to stop drinking over the years. I did not really go over the edge with it until very recently. No DUIs or legal issues and have made very good money over the years but changed careers 3 years ago and we both make the same lower amount.

The issue: I received an email from her that her lawyer wrote demanding/pleading that I vacate our house (owned jointly with a very large amount of equity) for the sake of the children before she returns. I spoke with her on the phone and she said she needs time for me to show I am in recovery and time for her to be her. I would like to repair the marriage as we have been married 17 years and have two kids in middle school. I asked what that would look like and she said 6 months to a year. I asked about custody and visitation and she said that the lawyers would decide that.

I am fine moving out for a while if that is what it takes to repair our relationship, but how should I respond to the email? and if I do move out, am I putting my self in a big disadvantage regarding future custody and financially if we do divorce? Do I need to spell out expectations for visitation with my kids?

We have probably 2.5 mil in pension and 403b/401k/deferred comp assets and close to 2 mil in equity in the house but less than 20k in cash as most of our liquid assets were used in an extensive remodel/new addition.

If we do end up splitting, we would not be able to afford two households and I would want to sell the house and have us each buy two smaller houses. If I move out, would I put that plan B in jeopardy?