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TinyYak3 Archive

View 0 posts and 61 comments by TinyYak3 on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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1

You can do a QDDO (qualified domestic relations order) for the 401k so her portion flows to an IRA in her name and avoids the early withdrawal penalties. She can then keep it or blow it and you don’t have to care anymore. Definitely impute her income or do the vocational evaluation like others have mentioned. Get a different lawyer.
/r/Divorce_Men11/05/21 09:25 PM
5

Yep. Cheating doesn’t matter in no fault states and that’s most states.
/r/Divorce_Men11/05/21 09:09 PM
14

The longer you wait the more expensive it gets unless you can get her back to work for a year or two making far more than minimum wage.
/r/Divorce_Men11/05/21 04:57 PM
2

Read this book. It will help you understand and process the affair and her current behavior. It’s like having the cheaters playbook so you know their plays: https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/25898115
/r/Divorce_Men08/05/21 08:41 PM
3

Grey rock them if you have kids. Go full no contact if you don’t have kids.
/r/Divorce_Men05/05/21 10:31 PM
1

This was my same situation. Get out. The kids can still be friends. The guy is not your friend. A friend would not be fucking your wife. I am good friends with the AP’s ex wife and we helped each other pick up the pieces after our POS exes blew up our worlds. You’ll be happier when you get out.
/r/Divorce_Men28/04/21 07:39 PM
5

You had an affair and that is devastating for her. Sounds like you’re both not right for each other so it’s time to end it.
/r/Divorce_Men21/04/21 04:40 PM
3

Hire a lawyer, separate your accounts as best you can, and file for divorce. Keep being a great dad. You’ll be happier in the long run. A judge won’t care about her lack of house cleaning or spending that she did. The laziness at home is usually due to the cheating going on behind your back.
/r/Divorce_Men15/04/21 09:48 PM
6

This is the Way...
/r/Divorce_Men09/04/21 01:19 AM
9

The marriage is over. She’s been having affairs behind your back and the blaming she does is projection of her horrible treatment of you. It’s time for you to get out of the marriage and move on with your life so you can spend time with your kids and do what you want to do. You should check out r/survivinginfidelity and some of the related subs. You will find that your story is all too common and see that she’s using the same tactics as other cheaters to make you blame yourself for her asshatter…
/r/Divorce_Men07/04/21 07:12 PM
1

Agreed and get a lawyer. Also, her attitude sucks because she wants you to leave so she can throw that back at you later on. You only have to talk to her about the kids at this point. If it’s not about that then just ignore her or tell her that it doesn’t pertain to the kids and if she has a topic about them the you’d be happy to discuss it. Stay calm even if she yells at you in front of the kids. The kids will remember who was calm and rational during this period of their life long after it has…
/r/Divorce_Men25/03/21 12:02 PM
1

It’s pretty standard to allow the other parent to be able to communicate with the kids whenever they want. You could do the same on her weekends. I think you should push for her having them every other weekend. It’s only fair that you get the same amount of weekend time with the kids as her. Also, you can push for something more concrete in the summers. Perhaps do every other week in the summers with a guaranteed option for a two week block for a longer trip. This gives you some time in the summ…
/r/Divorce_Men18/03/21 08:10 PM
1

Don’t forget that when school is not in session you have them for 12 days straight. You can do some great adventures with them and all of that time. I’ll also iterate what others have said that you’d be seen as the primary parent in the eyes of the kids too. Don’t take that for granted. I’d love this deal or would counter with every other weekend and she gets the odd 5th weekend a couple times a year.
/r/Divorce_Men18/03/21 07:55 PM
2

Ah yes. Sounds like the GAL is at least giving him some time to start with. Does your dad have an attorney of his own? He definitely should if your step mom has one and a GAL is also involved. Have you talked to your sister about all of this stuff? It sounds like you want to spend time with her as well. If you haven’t let her know that then you should.
/r/Divorce_Men14/03/21 01:27 AM
2

What is a GAL?
/r/Divorce_Men14/03/21 12:16 AM
5

This right here. You spent a great weekend with your family and shared it with the person you care about the most in the world. Keep making memories with you and your daughter and you’ll soon see that it’s more fun with just her than it ever was with the ex wife.
/r/Divorce_Men08/03/21 08:15 AM
3

AP is an affair partner. And, yeah if she’s gaslighting you then there is likely an AP on the side. Cheaters (male or female) will do this to justify their unconscionable behavior so they don’t feel bad about being horrible people.
/r/Divorce_Men08/03/21 08:10 AM
4

Yep. Don’t listen to the gaslighting. Dads are just as capable as a mother to parent. Also, you said you’re already doing primary care of the kids so keep on doing it as much as you can. If she’s already fading away on your child you may want to push for more time. I’ve had friends agree to 50/50 or less to “play nice” only to find themselves in an uphill battle trying to get their kids away from a parent who wasn’t doing their parental duties.
/r/Divorce_Men02/03/21 02:10 AM
2

Talk to an attorney to get some perspective and plans.
/r/Divorce_Men28/02/21 04:36 PM
1

The lump sum can be paid out over time.
/r/Divorce_Men26/02/21 10:45 PM
8

Gray rock is the way to go.
/r/Divorce_Men13/02/21 01:04 PM
7

Being in a relationship does not mean she’s in a better place than you. Focus on you and getting divorced with plenty of time with your kids.
/r/Divorce_Men12/02/21 04:39 PM
1

What was the one little brick? Some bricks are foundational and much harder to not fixate on than others.
/r/Divorce_Men10/02/21 08:16 PM
1

She’s making you play the “pick me” dance. Talk to an attorney and work towards what is best for you in a divorce so you can move forward with your life. Luckily it’s a short duration marriage even though moderate duration relationship. You may also want to check out r/survivinginfidelity.
/r/Divorce_Men08/02/21 10:33 PM
3

I’d consult a lawyer for this one.
/r/Divorce_Men07/02/21 09:01 PM
12

Don’t go the affair route. Either go to therapy with her to try to talk over the sexual differences or get a divorce.
/r/Divorce_Men05/02/21 01:12 PM
1

Well said. There is, of course, no guarantee that once a cheater always a cheater. However, from what I’ve read it seems to be the vast majority of cheaters cannot break the cycle. I wish the therapist I had when my ex first cheated had shared the tidbit about it being a very small likelihood that my ex wife could change because I’d have ended it back then and would be many more years post divorce. I know better now.
/r/Divorce_Men02/02/21 09:18 PM
1

I completely agree that what they want is social acceptance of the narrative. It’s not acceptable to cheat and therefore they can’t go around telling everyone that they lied behind their spouses back for years and then fell in love with someone else so then they finally divorced their husband/wife. Mine probably would’ve stuck around longer had her AP’s ex wife not filed for divorce. I was already planning to leave mine so it just pushed my timeline up by a few months. I’m happier now and wish I…
/r/Divorce_Men02/02/21 04:13 PM
4

All I can say is this sounds a lot like my story and I’ve given up on the confirmation from her. I have been able to put the affairs on her as her own baggage as well as the divorce. I tried everything and she just kept letting me do more and more. She was done for awhile but liked the kibbles I gave her. It sounds like you’re better off now. You may want to look into attachment theory regarding the trust issues and/or get a therapist to help you work through that. Read this book and you’ll see …
/r/Divorce_Men02/02/21 02:44 PM
5

I just put down rubber mats to start the foundation of my garage gym. I picked up weights over the weekend and have a squat cage arriving next week. My teenagers like working out with me so it’s good bonding time along with the health benefits.
/r/Divorce_Men02/02/21 03:00 AM
1

Shoot. I just hate the mind games of it all.
/r/Divorce_Men01/02/21 11:53 PM
1

If you have a court order for 50/50 then you can call a police officer to where she is and show the order to them and they will make her follow it. You also then have it documented by the police that she wasn’t following the order.
/r/Divorce_Men01/02/21 09:00 PM
2

I can’t think of anyone better to take out for Valentine’s Day dinner than your daughter. She is and will be the love of your life now. Get dressed up, get a nice meal, do a fun activity, and make it special. Show her how she should expect to be treated on a date. Any server will see what’s going on and think it sweet that you took your daughter out for Valentine’s Day.
/r/Divorce_Men31/01/21 09:43 AM
5

It gets better man. Hang in there. Also, please talk to someone about your thoughts of suicide at the U.S. National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: 800-273-8255
/r/Divorce_Men31/01/21 09:30 AM
2

Just like Bruce Banner you need to find what brings you peace in life to keep The Hulk from raging outward. Then over time The Hulk will fade away and you’ll be a better you for having lived through the BS and gaslighting. What helped me was I started to assume that whatever my ex wife was/is saying to me is a lie or attempt to manipulate me. This helped me start my filter right away and I could ignore a lot of junk flying out of her mouth. I also keep my conversations with her to be just about …
/r/Divorce_Men27/01/21 11:29 AM
2

You’re whole situation sounds similar to mine. Check out the book “Leave A Cheater, Gain A Life” by Tracy Schorn. It’s a quick read and I suspect you’ll find yourself nodding along through much of it. Sorry you’re going through all this. It gets better with time.
/r/Divorce_Men27/01/21 06:10 AM
4

I think you did the right thing here. If she wants to pay the attorney to find out you’re. telling the truth then that’s her dime to spend and learn the truth the expensive way.
/r/Divorce_Men25/01/21 03:50 PM
5

I’m also curious to see what happens. I suspect I won’t talk to her much at all unless something comes up around the kids. I have no interest in being her friend. Had we just drifted apart it would be different, but she chose the affair route and so to me there is nothing there to salvage. Maybe that will change in a decade or so,b but if doubt it. From what I’ve seen with other men who have had the same thing happen to them they don’t interact much at all with their ex wife.
/r/Divorce_Men23/01/21 09:47 PM
3

Communicate it to her via text message. Then you don’t have to be heavy handed in front of your son AND it documents your plan so if she comes at you later when you toss the crap you can say that you gave clear timelines and it’s all in writing.
/r/Divorce_Men23/01/21 05:49 PM
3

Tell her you need to start sorting through the stuff so you can get ready to sell the house. If it was all marital property you could tell her that she’s going to do it with you or you’re going to go through it and donate/toss out what you don’t want/need. If you don’t want to donate/toss them pack the shit in boxes and put it in one place and tell her she can go through the leftovers and if not it will get thrown out when you list the house for sale.
/r/Divorce_Men23/01/21 03:30 PM
7

If you have an attorney ask them what to do.
/r/Divorce_Men23/01/21 11:26 AM
3

Plan B sounds like a good middle ground option. However, I’d say If you have an agreement that you both like then get divorced. If she’s been gaslighting you then her wanting to work things out is likely for some other reason that will not be in your favor. You could always get married to her again after the divorce. A lot of divorce laws have timeframes around them for how long you’ve been together and she may be trying to get to the next rung on the ladder by lengthening the duration of the ma…
/r/Divorce_Men20/01/21 02:34 PM
3

How old are your kids? My ex was a SAHM for years and once the kids were all in school I think she liked doing not much all day and eventually started having affairs. Yours may be doing the same and doesn’t like you around because she has to be held accountable for her time and can’t do whatever she wants and give you excuses for why nothing was done when you get home. It was like I was walking on eggshells all the time, expected to earn all the money, and do half or more of the house chores. No…
/r/Divorce_Men18/01/21 08:18 PM
1

It sounds like you are settling for her offer without going to a judge and likely accepting her threats that going in front of a judge will be worse. I’d say get another lawyer that has experience in military divorces. This sounds like a horrible agreement. I will also say your $3000 a month is disingenuous as that is a one time or short term cost and should be stated as such since you said $1800 per month is what it drops to. In my state the other parent can’t move more than 50 miles without co…
/r/Divorce_Men11/01/21 11:03 AM
3

Follow your gut on this
/r/Divorce_Men04/01/21 10:55 AM
3

It gets better eventually and then it gets WAY better. Just let time do it’s thing and help you heal.
/r/Divorce_Men29/12/20 03:40 PM
2

You have an attorney so call her office and say you need legal advice on the letter. My attorney still l took urgent calls while on vacation. It’s the nature of the business. It feels like your wife is trying to get you to do things that are painting you in a corner.
/r/Divorce_Men24/12/20 09:50 AM
1

This is the way. Be yourself and don’t worry about the superficial stuff. Figure out what you want in life and go for those goals. Want to retire early then shoot for that. Travel more, then go for it. You may trade off “wins”, but who cares as long as you’re accomplishing your goals.
/r/Divorce_Men21/12/20 02:23 AM
3

2000 per month alimony plus child support seems ridiculous. You would be giving over half your income to a person who is able to work. Keep in mind that in 2018 the tax law changed and child support and alimony come out after you pay your federal taxes. Also, your kids are old enough to be able to take care of themselves for periods of time so he can’t make the argument that he still needs to be at home with them. It’s time for him to put on his big boy pants and get a job. Not sure what state y…
/r/Divorce_Men13/12/20 11:51 PM
8

I’m glad you got your closure. It’s time to go back to no contact. It sounds like she broke up with her boyfriend/affair partner and she is now looking for supply and she thinks you are an easy target. Trust is at the foundation of any relationship and she cannot be trusted based on all the lies she told and horrible things she did to you. Block the number and keep your healing process moving forward.
/r/Divorce_Men03/12/20 11:52 AM
3

Different state, but a guy I work with divorced his first wife without a lawyer. You could also see if there is a place that can prepare the boilerplate documents for you if you want to make sure bases are covered.
/r/Divorce_Men30/10/20 11:25 AM
5

Talk to a lawyer about your rights with having had a civil ceremony. Also, you may find that with the large income difference that he will owe you a large amount of child support for the two kids and therefore you’d be pretty well off once you get back in the workforce. I was cheated on and I doubt he is stopping at just talking to women online. As another poster wrote he, like my ex-wife, wants to appear normal with you at home and still go out and do what he wants while working “long hours”. T…
/r/Divorce_Men27/10/20 10:09 AM
3

Check the tax law as deducting alimony changed in 2018.
/r/Divorce_Men13/10/20 02:40 AM
1

Is it in your MSA that you get first right of refusal to take care of the kids? If, so then she violated it. If not, then there may be no recourse unless there is something specific in your state for this.
/r/Divorce_Men09/10/20 01:55 AM
4

My divorce finalized earlier this year and I couldn’t be happier. The ex cheated on me a couple times (that I know of) and the second time I found out I filed for divorce. I no longer walk on eggshells and don’t care what she’s up to. I have 50/50 time sharing with my kids and we have a blast when we are together! My relationship with each of them was good before the divorce, but it’s off the charts now that I’m on my own and can fully focus on them when they are with me. I’ve dropped 40 pounds …
/r/Divorce_Men13/09/20 11:48 AM
2

I keep music on pretty much all day and night now. My kids like it playing as well when they are here every other week.
/r/Divorce_Men11/09/20 04:52 PM
2

The longer you wait the more she may/will be able to get out of you in the end. Get out sooner than later.
/r/Divorce_Men14/08/20 01:41 PM
1

If you are concerned about the tax liabilities I would suggest talking to a tax expert to run through some scenarios. Also, child support and alimony come out after income tax so factor that in as well since that changed in 2018.
/r/Divorce_Men06/07/20 11:53 PM
2

Caught her cheating in 2016. Went to counseling and forgave her thinking it would be best for the kids to keep the family together. Found her cheating again in 2019 and there was no more room in my heart for forgiveness, so I filed for divorce and just finalized it last month. I have 50/50 time share with the kids and I love my life now. When you catch a cheater just leave. It’s likely not the first time they’ve done it and it won’t be the last. Very few cheaters actually want to solve their pro…
/r/Divorce_Men05/07/20 11:16 PM
3

Also, you didn’t want her to screw other dudes and yet she did, so we don’t always get what we want.
/r/Divorce_Men26/06/20 02:59 AM
2

Talk to the attorney. If you have her old income statements from when she made a lot of money you can make an argument that she has the ability to make at least that amount of income and impute that amount. You also need to start talking about that to her and start playing the mind games that she’s already playing with you. Her saying she’s not going to work is just her fucking with your head. She is an able bodied adult and is responsible for taking care of herself and your kids are old enough …
/r/Divorce_Men19/06/20 10:57 AM
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