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RichardCleveland Archive

View 18 posts and 913 comments by RichardCleveland on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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Upvotes Title Category Author Subreddit Date (UTC)
44

RichardCleveland/r/Divorce_Men12/04/23 01:14 PM
33

RichardCleveland/r/Divorce_Men24/04/23 12:31 PM
28

RichardCleveland/r/Divorce_Men02/06/23 06:05 PM
22

RichardCleveland/r/Divorce_Men06/03/23 08:52 PM
18

RichardCleveland/r/Divorce_Men27/03/23 03:21 PM
17

RichardCleveland/r/Divorce_Men24/03/23 12:37 PM
16

RichardCleveland/r/Divorce_Men02/03/23 03:55 PM
15

RichardCleveland/r/Divorce_Men27/02/23 08:04 PM
15

RichardCleveland/r/Divorce_Men21/03/23 05:11 PM
11

RichardCleveland/r/Divorce_Men27/04/23 01:35 PM
8

RichardCleveland/r/Divorce_Men22/02/23 08:39 PM
7

RichardCleveland/r/Divorce_Men10/04/23 06:28 PM
6

RichardCleveland/r/Divorce_Men05/04/23 01:26 PM
6

RichardCleveland/r/Divorce_Men06/03/23 07:35 PM
3

RichardCleveland/r/Divorce_Men27/02/23 12:53 PM
2

RichardCleveland/r/Divorce_Men07/06/23 03:57 PM
1

RichardCleveland/r/Divorce_Men04/05/23 02:54 PM
1

RichardCleveland/r/Divorce_Men16/03/23 03:52 PM
Upvotes Comment on Subreddit Date (UTC)
2

I looked at her profile today Stop doing that. In fact, delete social media and disconnect. So many guys just can't help but "check up" on their exes, and it does nothing but cause pain.
/r/Divorce_Men16/07/26 05:22 PM
4

It helps to know which state you are in as it varies greatly by jurisdiction. But here in Missouri, it's pretty rare if the person receiving it is able bodied. Otherwise even those non-working come to the table with a imaginary job that shows imputed income. Which starts at minimum wage, but the other party can demand a market analysis if they are skilled / educated to see how much wage potential they have. If they don't have any skills or education they are given time to acquire it. That varies…
/r/Divorce_Men17/06/26 01:21 PM
3

The way this guy types feels like High School level intellect. I am starting to wonder if this is a troll post.
/r/Divorce_Men15/06/26 06:28 PM
39

Pros: + lovely & sweet + dedicated + gorgeous + great cook Cons: - not as smart as me Sorry man, you are as dumb as a rock. Probably one of the least intelligent people I have seen on here.
/r/Divorce_Men15/06/26 02:52 PM
4

She's not coming back bro. But you are doing great with taking the right steps to move forward. The problem is everything is still fresh, it can take years in order to heal enough to let go. I am really sorry you are feeling so down right now, it will get better!
/r/Divorce_Men29/04/26 07:45 PM
2

I’m trying to urge him to reconsider Even with the list on how shitty she is? Divorce is hell, and sure he is going to deal with a lot of BS, but being trapped with someone like her is going to be way worse on him mentally. Not to mention he will NEVER be happy, I would prioritize his happiness over the things that might bite him in the ass. And in the end... none of this is your problem. When people end up in these situations they need to figure it out themselves. It is kind of you to care thou…
/r/Divorce_Men07/04/26 07:12 PM
5

In my state (MO) inheritance is one of the few things protected, as long as it isn't co-mingled. The interest deposited into a joint account would be co-mingled, but only the interest would be considered marital assets.
/r/Divorce_Men03/02/26 07:36 PM
1

As a child of parents who "stuck it out" I will say it ended up fucking me up mentally. For a long time I felt like it was my fault that they lived in misery for so long. Also parents a lot of times think pretending to play family goes unnoticed. It doesn't, the kids grow up always feeling something is off, and aren't oblivious to something being wrong. Which leads to a lot of insecurity, and anxiety while growing up. Needless to say I ended up in therapy and on medications due to it. Suffered a…
/r/Divorce_Men27/01/26 03:59 PM
4

You are making this way overly "deep". There is a very simple reason why it's a common theme here. Which is that most of the people haven't reached the acceptance stage yet. I suggest you read this to learn more about the emotional process of divorce: https://www.modernfamilylaw.com/resources/from-shock-to-acceptance-unpacking-the-five-stages-of-divorce/
/r/Divorce_Men09/01/26 02:32 PM
9

I would rather be single than sweat my balls off in a hot humid room. lol
/r/Divorce_Men09/01/26 01:50 PM
1

While naked.... if it were me I would just become a nudist until I was gone for good. I mean this guy could like it... but I kind of imagine most would be very uncomfortable.
/r/Divorce_Men05/01/26 07:47 PM
2

Just keep in mind that everyone thinks that while walking down the aisle.
/r/Divorce_Men05/01/26 07:46 PM
1

Fyi: wife is verbally abusive to all of us and I have placed multiple video and audio recorders. I do have captured evidence but last one was about 6 months ago. It doesn't matter. Unless she actually has been arrested or investigated for child endangerment, drug abuse, suffers from severe mental health issues, or not able to provide a safe home after the divorce. Being verbally a bitch isn't going to factor in, recordings or not. The judge wants a legal paper trail, they are not going to sit ar…
/r/Divorce_Men03/12/25 08:24 PM
2

In my state if you "co-mingle" inheritance it becomes marital funds. Here everything outside of what got put into the joint banking account would still be protected. You got enough money at stake though that you should be talking to a good attorney.
/r/Divorce_Men14/10/25 07:49 PM
12

You are currently in emotional stage 2 of your divorce. It will get better as time moves forward, but it will take a long time. In this stage I immediately got a therapist and it really helped worked through my feelings. The biggest problem is she STILL is fucking you up and you are letting her win. Stop letting her do that, and concentrate on getting through the process and search for inner peace (you will find it). You will eventually be OK and better for it.
/r/Divorce_Men02/10/25 11:44 AM
1

No shit, if OP wants to feel a bit better she's coming up on 40 and about to meet father time.
/r/Divorce_Men24/09/25 03:21 PM
7

That was an annoying ass perspective "why if you can just".... OP obviously has gotten extremely lucky. It's kind of like saying "why be poor when you can get a better job?".
/r/Divorce_Men23/09/25 12:12 PM
1

Not to be harsh but... welcome to divorce. The majority of guys here have posted the exact same stories, and most ended up much happier and better off, but it takes a lot of time to heal. Divorce comes and goes in stages, and right now it's still a fresh wound. The amazing thing is that you have a 4 year old! Start doing stuff with him, fishing, camping, sports, anything. Build up your bond, and it will help carry you throughout life. Biggest thing... you will be OK.
/r/Divorce_Men15/09/25 07:04 PM
5

During the process I couldn't even watch TV shows that contained people in love. I also vanished off of all social media, and became pretty isolated in general. My entire feeling towards society itself changed.
/r/Divorce_Men09/09/25 01:59 PM
1

How is anyone giving an opinion on this? We don't know incomes, estimate home proceeds, the truck value or even the state... we also don't know if any other large assets, liquid or otherwise are changing hands. 1,400 a month could be insane, or a great deal all things considered.
/r/Divorce_Men08/09/25 06:32 PM
3

Good riddance to her, and I wouldn't bother trying to figure out what's going on in her head.
/r/Divorce_Men05/09/25 01:54 PM
1

It's going to be hard to gain citizenship in another country and still be invisible. But whatever, IDC what people try to pull off, it's just something to think about.
/r/Divorce_Men04/09/25 01:09 PM
0

The house was her inherited property, so it's protected.
/r/Divorce_Men03/09/25 12:37 PM
2

I see this all of the time yet depending on where you move, you can't always escape it due to the "The Hague Maintenance Convention". Which means the new countries government can come after you for alimony and assets.
/r/Divorce_Men03/09/25 12:31 PM
2

No I wouldn't, everyone in the house should be pulling their own weight in some capacity.
/r/Divorce_Men03/09/25 12:28 PM
1

Make sure you look up "The Hague Maintenance Convention" before you do something drastic. Your idea isn't uncommon, so international provisions have been put in place to protect people from their ex-spouses running off.
/r/Divorce_Men02/09/25 07:45 PM
8

First find out what the separation laws are in your state. In some places you HAVE to be separated an "X" amount of time prior to divorce. I am lucky that in Missouri that's not a requirement, but it would throw a wrench in things unless she will leave (obviously she won't). As parents we should never vacate our homes due to it being considered abandonment. If that is all fine, you need to file ASAP. This shit obviously is seriously effecting your mental health. Some people mentioned building up…
/r/Divorce_Men29/08/25 12:16 PM
3

Moving money into a nest egg can be sketchy in some jurisdictions, especially if OP is caught during discovery. It's not like you can legally hide marital assets.
/r/Divorce_Men29/08/25 12:05 PM
2

Congrats on 1/3 of this post.
/r/Divorce_Men27/08/25 07:28 PM
1

That's always my first thought, but then I think about the fact that the AP knew they were contributing to tearing your family apart. Which many times directly hurts your children. So it's hard to keep solely focused on the spouse, when this other shit human joined forces with them.
/r/Divorce_Men27/08/25 03:34 PM
2

Ya we are lucky in these times to have a shit ton of resources, including others to directly talk to who have been through this hell. People need to educate themselves as much as possible prior to handing over their debit card.
/r/Divorce_Men20/08/25 03:00 PM
2

You should absolutely not make any acquisitions of property or assets until the divorce is finalized. If you buy a home now you could be forced to sell it and split the proceeds. It's simply not worth the risk or added stress in my opinion.
/r/Divorce_Men19/08/25 01:24 PM
1

In Missouri you can live with your stbx, both during and after the divorce.
/r/Divorce_Men19/08/25 01:16 PM
7

All you have to do is follow the parenting plan / agreement, and don't give her any ammo to use against you, such as abuse, neglect, drug use, etc. There is no reason a judge would over-turn 50/50 just because she demanded it.
/r/Divorce_Men13/08/25 03:04 PM
2

Every single time someone says "amicable" or "staying friends" here they end up coming back saying "MY STBX IS SCREWING ME OVER, HELP!". It's extremely rare for things to carry on smoothly into the next chapter. She is purely manipulating you hoping to make you bend to her demands. Made uh... evident by the threatening of your relationship, which is one of the weirdest things I have heard. Stop letting her manipulate you! 50/50 debts, assets, custody. If there is a large income disparity between…
/r/Divorce_Men11/08/25 02:03 PM
1

Ya but if he isn't their relationship we be over! That's a bucket of WTF in itself... OP 100% was emotionally manipulated during his marriage.
/r/Divorce_Men11/08/25 01:57 PM
2

Just wait until it develops cancer or some other serious health issues. I haven't met many Burnese owners that didn't eventually shell out thousands for medical care.
/r/Divorce_Men06/08/25 01:39 PM
1

All I can say is I wish you all the best with this!
/r/Divorce_Men28/07/25 01:22 PM
1

My dads affair was completely ignored here in Missouri. My attorney made it clear to me that this state considers divorce simply a financial transaction more than anything.
/r/Divorce_Men28/07/25 01:17 PM
2

OP walked in here the same way 90% of men do, and most likely will be back super pissed after it's over.
/r/Divorce_Men28/07/25 01:15 PM
6

The only way you can get real answers are by answering these two questions. do you live in a no-fault state? do you live in a equitable distribution state? Both of those will make a world of difference on if there is even a strategy available.
/r/Divorce_Men25/07/25 02:44 PM
1

I hope today is the day, all the best to you!
/r/Divorce_Men22/07/25 12:44 PM
6

You need to go file yourself and get this crap over with. Don't let her play around with your heart, this entire thing is BS. Keep in mind also that EVERYONE goes through the same pain, and have to turn to the next chapter of life. Marriage doesn't come with a "backpacking trip across Europe" token to find yourself. Call an attorney and tell her to fuck off. It's time for you to start healing.
/r/Divorce_Men21/07/25 07:42 PM
2

It's the same here in Missouri, imputed income and the expectation to work makes a lot of people unhappy.
/r/Divorce_Men11/07/25 12:19 PM
3

I like how you are getting down voted... a late 40s guy banging a girl that was just two years out of High School... that sounds a bit gross to me, but whatever. Seemingly it's acceptable on this sub. =X
/r/Divorce_Men08/07/25 01:52 PM
1

It's frustrating when you admit you have a problem with drinking for people to say "stop drinking"... it's like no shit.
/r/Divorce_Men02/07/25 06:40 PM
1

It's crazy how your brain can talk you into "just one more" even when you argue against it. I also came up with a reason every time, even knowing that I was going to grill on a Tuesday made me stop and pickup beer.
/r/Divorce_Men02/07/25 06:39 PM
3

No... that's a stereotype due to our traditional friendliness. I have met some really insane women here during my life, and seen a lot of marriages fail.
/r/Divorce_Men02/07/25 02:01 PM
1

Do you have anything you enjoy doing that's active? Camping, hiking, fishing etc? You need to get out somewhere to get some solitude and breath. Camping is amazing for that.
/r/Divorce_Men30/06/25 06:53 PM
1

If you and your stbx are on good terms, and can agree on things at the kitchen table, filing pro-se is a much easier (and cheaper) option. However, when I was going through the process I did get a consultation simply to review the paperwork, and give me advice. As I wanted to make sure nothing was going to cause a hangup, or if I was being overly generous (which I was) and it was well worth it for peace of mind. As far as first, at least in my state (MO) it doesn't matter. My state treats divorc…
/r/Divorce_Men19/06/25 02:01 PM
2

That's so amazing!!! Congrats friend!
/r/Divorce_Men17/06/25 05:45 PM
2

Is this simply a vent post or are you asking for opinions / advice (doesn't matter either way). It seems like you know what you have to do, and already aware of the house situation and how shitty it is to have to turn a new chapter. I personally would just be thankful at this point that I was in my 50s, and not 60s, 70s etc. At least you still have many years left to find happiness and solitude. I will say though that you will be fine, and honestly I think once the dust settles way more at peace…
/r/Divorce_Men16/06/25 06:43 PM
2

I only go for free consultations. I gotta find out if I feel comfortable with the person before handing them money.
/r/Divorce_Men03/06/25 07:50 PM
1

Do you guys not have a parenting plan / custody agreement in place? I am a bit confused on these situations, unless your not divorced yet.
/r/Divorce_Men02/06/25 01:40 PM
9

During the painful period I simply packed up, and headed west into the mountains and camped for a week. Getting out into nature and simply BREATHING for once helped me clear my head. Looking out at the gorgeous scenery, the brilliant night sky's, and listening to the crackling fire really helped bring life into perspective. I know camping isn't for everyone, and if you haven't done it can be a bit intimidating. But in that since it would be something new, and challenging which for sure keep your…
/r/Divorce_Men02/06/25 01:14 PM
3

I don't know how to get out of this situation without completely blowing up my life and crippling myself financially. You can't, it rarely works out that way. The only time I ever see it is when either both spouses pull similar incomes, or enough wealth was involved for both parties to carry on comfortably. If you want more insight on possible outcomes, you really need to share the state you are in.
/r/Divorce_Men30/05/25 06:38 PM
3

Are you trying to say guys without money can't have girlfriends? O.o
/r/Divorce_Men28/05/25 03:57 PM
1

She can fuck right off, don't let her pouting and feet stomping effect the quality time you have with your son. We only get one ride through life, don't skip out on making special moments with him. And no taking him on outings is not going to look bad. It makes you look like a loving, involved father and honestly will help more than anything. She is emotionally manipulative, break away from the BS and put your son first!
/r/Divorce_Men20/05/25 06:24 PM
5

Do not even put in "extracurricular activities" in your settlement agreement. Simply put in that you will be covering health insurance, and the set amount for support. You never want to have an agreement contain things that can be left up to interpretation. Such as if you say "will cover all extracurricular activities" where is the limit? You say you will be living paycheck to paycheck.. so what happens if she sticks him in a bunch of things outside of your budget? Perhaps though you did, I just…
/r/Divorce_Men20/05/25 04:47 PM
14

If you were legally married during anything you listed (and you were), scratch it out. Everything that you currently have (even your bank account) is considered marital property. So moving money around, paying things off, debt consolidation and so on, is completely moot when you enter the settlement process. The courts commonly expect you to add up all of your assets and debt, and split them by 50/50. From there the spousal support is calculated off of several factors, but they vary by jurisdict…
/r/Divorce_Men02/05/25 07:18 PM
1

As a gen-x , I would rather simply not have sex again if that were my only options. Even at 45 I just can't... I would have to be shit drunk while on Viagra for it to happen. =X
/r/Divorce_Men02/05/25 04:40 PM
2

What state do you live in? It's very hard to give you a direct answer unless we know. Your attorney is being fairly rock solid on his statement. But as you can see that's not normal, even in shitty divorce states like California.
/r/Divorce_Men30/04/25 04:03 PM
2

You are not actually removing the items from the property so it's fine. It's no different than moving someones clothing to a another closet. I would pack it all up, and send her a 30 day notice to collect her property or it will be disposed of.
/r/Divorce_Men15/04/25 01:08 PM
1

It can be used against you in family court, and since it is illegal it will be written as, "uses illegal substances around his child" Which sounds way more sinister to the court than "he sometimes smokes weed". I highly advise you quit now, since the proceedings might drag on. It would be much better to simply either deny her allegations, or say that you had stopped a long time ago.
/r/Divorce_Men28/03/25 06:39 PM
2

I don't know how you could even take venting by some random chick you are dating about your kids.
/r/Divorce_Men28/03/25 12:44 PM
13

As a father of three... if someone judged my kids like this I would have been furious. Like "fuck you princess" level furious. we do have great chemistry and sex and everything You are seriously going to throw that out there like it matters in this situation? This lady doesn't like your son, and doesn't want him around... JFC ACT LIKE A DAD!
/r/Divorce_Men28/03/25 12:43 PM
5

Unless you have lasting effects / marks on you from the incident, this entire situation is simply an accusation. You are going to tell the story, they are all three going to deny it... and without evidence or an immediate report with images of the injuries, I don't think much will happen sadly. I would love for it to, as these three pieces of shit need justice, but especially as the man (which is BS) I don't think there is much you can do. Personally I would've immediately called the police, the…
/r/Divorce_Men25/03/25 06:24 PM
11

"ex-fiancee" You don't want to get yourself any deeper to what's becoming a shit show. Worst case now; child support. Later... 1/2 assets, alimony AND child support. I am sorry you have dealt with so much tragedy!
/r/Divorce_Men07/03/25 06:39 PM
2

Her lawyer is going to "claim" all sorts of BS, and normally at this stage people shoot for as much as they can. If the calculator is coming out to just a 3rd, counter offer somewhere around that. Your lawyer should've immediately slid the paper back across the table, wtf is he doing?
/r/Divorce_Men26/02/25 08:50 PM
1

When my kids ask me personal questions I am always completely honest with them. We have a really trusting relationship because of it. I try to think about being in that position myself, and for one thing considering he asked... he probably knows. He's 14 not 6.... What's with the suicide warning anyways? You should know your son as well as anyone, is he that unstable? Killing yourself because your dad is gay sounds very extreme. Or is this just some BS tactic by your ex to keep it hidden?
/r/Divorce_Men14/02/25 05:34 PM
0

I have seen people post way worse, your outcome seems fairly typical overall. /shrug
/r/Divorce_Men11/02/25 03:56 PM
2

I deleted TikTok as well, and if I had ever gone back to it I figured I would just make a new account. Wipe ALL that shit out! Don't simply go the blocking route, you are going to at some point get way too curious and be posting again about it.
/r/Divorce_Men10/02/25 07:06 PM
4

What state do you live in? In mine (MO) non-working spouses walk in with imputed income. You can then request a market analysis based around their education / field to raise that imputed income. If they don't have skills or an education, spousal maintenance can be extended to allow them the opportunity to do so.
/r/Divorce_Men10/02/25 07:02 PM
2

Sure, she can. But she can't stop the divorce process by doing so, it's always in people's best interest to go through the motions like a normal person. As if they don't, you can simply get a "default divorce", which excludes their settlement input.
/r/Divorce_Men10/02/25 06:30 PM
1

Will she be able to qualify for her own loans on the car and boob job? You mentioned she doesn't have a job.
/r/Divorce_Men07/02/25 03:01 PM
6

I don't know all of the shitty things that could happen when doing this. But it sounds like a bad idea to have a STBX be responsible for any large asset transactions. At least tell me you have all of this clearly spelled out in a settlement agreement. Including the boob job.
/r/Divorce_Men07/02/25 01:24 PM
1

Yep, glad I didn't own a gun on a few occasions.
/r/Divorce_Men05/02/25 04:03 PM
2

I highly advice seeking therapy in order to learn to set hard boundaries and survive the emotional manipulation. I did, and would walk out of there empowered and more confident. I went from "yes honey" to "I am an adult, you are not my parent".
/r/Divorce_Men04/02/25 02:22 PM
4

It's not so much about being who is favored, it's about how much custody time you will be providing. Obviously you no longer will be able to take care of him 50% of the time, so the custody ratio and child support amount will reflect that. Also, I have a feeling that the parent moving away (in this case, likely me) would be the one going alone. Ya.. unless your ex-wife is OK with it, you are almost for sure going alone.
/r/Divorce_Men03/02/25 07:58 PM
1

You have actual criminal charges against you? Did she have actually evidence or confirmation of anything of these incidents, or is it all hearsay?
/r/Divorce_Men30/01/25 02:03 PM
1

His divorced is finalized.... O.o I am going to assume for some reason he lost custody.
/r/Divorce_Men30/01/25 01:51 PM
1

Did you lose the custody battle, or not fight for any? I am confused...
/r/Divorce_Men30/01/25 01:49 PM
4

Be careful with the drinking, I know everyone says that and you probably pulled an eyeroll. But been in that position, and still trying to climb out of it. Even my lab results and pissed off scale didn't wake me up. It gets away from you FAST.
/r/Divorce_Men21/01/25 02:54 PM
2

Dude might lose the fucking speedboat though.
/r/Divorce_Men16/01/25 01:53 PM
8

lol Ya I normally tell men over there to come here and post, especially when I see people (women) trying to influence them to go easy. Sometimes guys need a good kick in the ass.
/r/Divorce_Men08/01/25 08:06 PM
1

Obviously this is fucked up and I don't blame you at all for being livid over it. Not to mention the fact that I would've done the same (found them). But there also is an opportunity here. You could walk around all excited singing various songs about your wife. Swing a dick around like a helicopter, and even fake have phone calls with buddy's (or real) and say "Its so awesome to have her finally gone bro!, BBQ this weekend to celebrate!?".
/r/Divorce_Men07/11/24 07:10 PM
1

Ya it's time for the old helicopter dick trick.
/r/Divorce_Men07/11/24 07:04 PM
10

You are going to need a lot of shovels.
/r/Divorce_Men23/10/24 02:25 PM
3

I don't have an answer, but I will say congrats on dropping this psycho.
/r/Divorce_Men22/10/24 06:26 PM
1

My buddy met a girl on hinged that gave him a BJ behind a bar on the first date. Take that for what you will though.... =D
/r/Divorce_Men18/10/24 06:23 PM
2

My buddy met a girl on hinged, and on the first date she gave him a BJ behind a bar. =D
/r/Divorce_Men18/10/24 06:20 PM
6

Ya I was going to ask that myself... if it's something like financial stress, or just frustrations leading to spats it's one thing. If it's due to an affair, or some form of domestic violence it's another.
/r/Divorce_Men15/10/24 01:47 PM
2

Nothing is fair for men in a divorce.
/r/Divorce_Men11/10/24 12:26 PM
1

You are correct, but he's broke.
/r/Divorce_Men10/10/24 07:27 PM
9

My wife dropped that on me after 19 years, and I completely understand how lost you feel. You 100% need to call a therapist ASAP and get in. It really helped me gain strength in moving forward and being able to handle day to day life while the process was ongoing.
/r/Divorce_Men08/10/24 07:23 PM
3

Just remember if you do something to yourself, your doing something to your child as well. The amount of trauma and psychological issues kids develop when losing a parent, especially to suicide is massive. You don't want your child thinking "daddy didn't love me enough" for the rest of their life. I am glad to hear that you feel that you won't go that far. But I highly recommend not drinking or using any drugs through this period (if you do). Drinking pushed me into a very dark place early on, a…
/r/Divorce_Men04/10/24 04:23 PM
2

You really need to remove all emotions from this process, and view it simply as a financial transaction. Do not negotiate directly with her, she is completely manipulating you. You will not walk away losing everything, and most likely the house will need to be sold and the proceeds split. Divorce sucks, it's messy, emotional and people often base their "wants" off of entitlement. Your STBX sounds like an entitled princess who is expecting to walk away un-phased. That's too bad for her, as it doe…
/r/Divorce_Men04/10/24 02:22 PM
2

Yikes I screwed that up, read google wrong. =X
/r/Divorce_Men03/10/24 04:40 PM
3

Evolutionary instinct probably, it's kind of a stereotypical role of men in our society as well. At least you saw the red flags from the very start, but if you know it's not going to work... walk away man!
/r/Divorce_Men24/09/24 11:43 AM
11

My buddy got divorced and a few years later his ex remarried. Then some random day he got a message on FB from her husband. He wanted to ask if she had shown any signs of mental illness during their marriage. They talked back and forth for awhile about her, but he didn't have a reason to hate this guy. It seemed weird to me though.
/r/Divorce_Men20/09/24 04:02 PM
2

Just as people put too much faith in their spouses, they can do the same with various family members also. Hence why I don't like this idea, I wouldn't think my mom would EVER do something like that. But my dad didn't either.
/r/Divorce_Men20/09/24 02:50 PM
1

Only you really know the relationship dynamics between everyone. Having a parenting plan agreed upon prior to filing is never a bad thing. If you think her reaction will be civil and reasonable you might as well get it laid out. If she's going to lose her shit... file the motion.
/r/Divorce_Men20/09/24 02:40 PM
5

My dad did something similar, then decided to end up having an affair. My grandparents were so pissed they cut out of the trust and all assets ended up going to my mom. He never expected that at all and had a close relationship with them.
/r/Divorce_Men20/09/24 02:30 PM
2

Just don't have a falling out with them. My dad cheated on my mom and it pissed off my grandparents so much, that they cut him out of the trust and left their assets to my mom. It was kind of nice to see a bit of revenge once they passed.
/r/Divorce_Men20/09/24 02:28 PM
2

I get so tired of people asking "social media" questions... the best thing to do is wipe it all out and start out fresh. You don't even want your ex to know your accounts.
/r/Divorce_Men12/09/24 04:58 PM
4

Why in the fuck are you checking her social media? You shouldn't have even known that this happened!
/r/Divorce_Men12/09/24 04:57 PM
5

She left "evidence"... I guess one thing people could do is wait to see the evidence piling up and get fired. Obviously we can't really do that due to bills (lol), but it would be funny to come home with a McDonalds hat on with her being getting giddy over the impending shit storm. "sorry honey, things are going to get tight"
/r/Divorce_Men11/09/24 03:56 PM
1

If there is one thing that can't happen, it's going back to normal. The bridge to that road has collapsed and you can now only move forward. If by some miracle you stay together, you are going to live with the heavy weight of suspicion day in and day out. Which inevitably will make your relationship fall apart again and you will kick yourself when it happens. For instance what will you do if she gets random text messages, comes home late, wants to get waxed, or gets a new co-worker? Not to menti…
/r/Divorce_Men09/09/24 06:05 PM
2

I would walk over, shake his hand and say it's nice to meet you. You don't know what your ex has been telling him, so showing that your a nice normal guy is paramount.
/r/Divorce_Men06/09/24 07:27 PM
1

Any debt acquired after the marriage becomes marital debt, regardless of who signed or not. Someone said depends on the state though, so it must not be universal. But here ANY type of debt is counted, including student loans.
/r/Divorce_Men29/08/24 06:25 PM
2

Just tell them that you are looking for some friends to hang with. If one of them likes you and flirts, it will make you feel good. You don't have to commit to them beyond anything casual.
/r/Divorce_Men26/08/24 07:12 PM
1

How did it get thrown out, almost everyone can at least get a Ch13?
/r/Divorce_Men22/08/24 01:15 PM
1

Ya... it sounds like your making the right choice, I am sorry this has been so rough on you!
/r/Divorce_Men21/08/24 06:45 PM
6

I found that filling out all of the paperwork myself (pro-se) and having an attorney review it for any mistakes (or stupidity) was well worth it.
/r/Divorce_Men21/08/24 06:17 PM
1

I paid my attorney to sit down and go over all of my pro-se paperwork. Including giving me advice, and worst case scenarios. It's well worth it.
/r/Divorce_Men21/08/24 06:15 PM
1

I love Christmas decorations, maybe I am the only man here. But the amount of shit I have accumulated over the years makes my house look like Santa's village. I won't let that shit go!
/r/Divorce_Men19/08/24 04:12 PM
1

I know you are in a much better place and you mean it, but fuck that sounds sad.
/r/Divorce_Men19/08/24 04:11 PM
1

All over some stupid decorations she made? I could see something that's been in the family for generations... but dollar tree... lol
/r/Divorce_Men19/08/24 04:10 PM
1

Don't worry about any of that, they don't need a "rental" dad to fill in. Go work on yourself, get therapy, join some help groups etc. Then become the father you need to be... they will survive until then. Although I gotta say due to the post history I wonder if this is a troll account.
/r/Divorce_Men13/08/24 07:53 PM
1

Well I guess if you do have troubles making friends you might as well switch teams and try on that side. =D
/r/Divorce_Men05/08/24 05:28 PM
1

I never suspected that you were trans curious... LOL I was just sharing a positive for us in someways. =)
/r/Divorce_Men05/08/24 12:09 PM
9

From my observations in life it seems like women have a harder time making REAL friends. Two guys can form a bond that's pretty solid. Partly because there isn't as much behind the back crap going on. But women tend to be catty and much more "competitive" with each other. I even watched my two daughters grow up dealing with it through life. I could tell sometimes that their BFF's weren't as "great" as they tried to make it out. And shockingly many times I was right.... backstabby for sure.
/r/Divorce_Men02/08/24 07:36 PM
1

Whatever you do remember that the kids will know. Maybe not at first, but eventually as they get older they will figure certain things out, as something will simply feel "off" in the family. Also if you are unhappy and she is nagging 24/7 there will be a point when you think "enough is enough". Nagging 24/7 is NOT normal in a happy marriage by the way. Sure sometimes spouses can poke and prod at each other, especially in regards to honey do lists and daily chores. But she is only doing it full t…
/r/Divorce_Men01/08/24 02:41 PM
1

In my state we have restrictions that go into place once the custody process is completed. Which includes how far away you can live apart, and the capability of actual joint parenting (school etc). So I am assuming she plans to drive 18 hours every other week for drop off / pickups? O.o
/r/Divorce_Men31/07/24 04:39 PM
1

Well maybe she should just tough it out due to their commonalities lol. Good on you for noping out on that though... a lot of guys wouldn't have the strength.
/r/Divorce_Men30/07/24 12:04 PM
2

Very true! =D
/r/Divorce_Men30/07/24 12:04 PM
1

I would have to resist so hard from firing off those messages to the husband. Obviously the entire work thing makes that impossible. But I feel bad for the guy sitting there oblivious (unless he isn't).
/r/Divorce_Men29/07/24 07:50 PM
1

If I go in there full of rage and send it, I won't walk for a week.
/r/Divorce_Men29/07/24 07:46 PM
2

For sure, the better place you can be mentally the better parent you can become.
/r/Divorce_Men24/07/24 01:38 PM
1

You can avoid a trial, but you can't avoid the family court process. And during that is when the judge imposes "X" amount of child support. Custody / support is separate from the divorce case. You can agree on a total spousal support amount yourself and include it on the settlement paperwork. But keep in mind that the total of that will be part of the calculation for child support, which you most likely won't have much control over. That's how it is my state anyways. The online calculators can g…
/r/Divorce_Men23/07/24 01:31 PM
3

Mostly the ability to take care of the child properly, and provide a safe environment. As well as a clean record when it comes to domestic violence / abuse. If you check off all of those boxes, it's hard for one parent to justify to the courts as to a reason the other parent shouldn't have split custody. I think the big thing is to ask yourself if you can handle 50% physical due to schooling, activities and your scheduling in general. As you need to be able to perform general duties, which becom…
/r/Divorce_Men23/07/24 01:16 PM
2

Good luck with all of this, I am sure eventually things will be better.
/r/Divorce_Men19/07/24 07:41 PM
3

See a therapist ASAP. When the bomb dropped on me, I was able to get into one a few days later. Saw her weekly for a year straight, and it honestly really helped.
/r/Divorce_Men19/07/24 07:30 PM
3

Considering how raw everything is I would go to a few sessions privately prior to marriage counseling. You need to work on yourself and get your head a bit more clear before forging ahead with this. Right now it feels like a emergency rush to "fix" the marriage, but you I imagine are wrecked on so many levels. Anyways the therapist is supposed to simply be a moderator who interjects topics to keep the communication open. Many times they also like to meet with each client separately prior to sess…
/r/Divorce_Men19/07/24 07:16 PM
13

Luckily magic isn't real... just walk away. There is no way in hell moving forward you would ever live without moments of suspicion.
/r/Divorce_Men16/07/24 06:36 PM
1

I figured anyone who owned a home had homeowners insurance? I at least HAVE to have it due to having a mortgage. I am not sure how OP could skip out on that?
/r/Divorce_Men08/07/24 07:42 PM
1

Mediation does nothing if the people are going in cordial. And even then it still doesn't make any sense...
/r/Divorce_Men08/07/24 06:08 PM
1

Never forget, the mediator has zero power in your case. Negotiations are confidential and can never be used in court. The only thing a mediator can do is guide you to a resolution both of you agree to. You can always say no — and there’s not a goddamn thing the mediator can do about it. The same holds true for your ex. That's one of the most frustrating aspects of this crap. You shouldn't even be sitting there trying to make on the spot agreements driven by some random person's "opinions". That'…
/r/Divorce_Men08/07/24 03:57 PM
5

It's part of the discovery process. They want to make sure you didn't go out and purposely rack up debt, or if you moved around investments trying to hide money. Resume is weird, but not unheard of if your state impedes income, as they may want to do a market analysis based on experience and education. But that's more common if one of the parties is not working. Home insurance... no idea. Your stbx is trying to find something to screw you over with.
/r/Divorce_Men08/07/24 03:46 PM
1

Good call, my parents stuck it out for many years for my own sake and it was miserable. I would give anything to go have a childhood restart with them divorced, as it made me hate my dad to the extent of having nothing to do with him for 30 years now. Kick her to the curb and turn a new chapter, your kids will be so much happier.
/r/Divorce_Men03/07/24 05:25 PM
2

Can you move into a different apartment for a change of scenery? It seems like you need a fresh start to help turn the chapter. Being 35 I wouldn't move in with your parents unless they are in dire care. Partly because you are at the prime age to go out and meet new people. I know picking up women can be hard as no one wants to say "I live with my parents", or "do you wanna come hang out in my bedroom"? You are a grown man... even if you can't move, go out and do shit so you are not alone in you…
/r/Divorce_Men27/06/24 02:31 PM
1

Well as I said in the other response, she is an idiot and this is pointless. Also if she released the photo... she will have charges to deal with. Good luck with all this, sounds like she has a stupid lawyer as well.
/r/Divorce_Men27/06/24 12:20 PM
1

lol, people are just fucking with you. So she's NOT naked and fully in the frame making it obvious that it's her taking the photo... I don't get what the hell the point of this is... it has no bearing on the divorce proceedings.
/r/Divorce_Men27/06/24 12:17 PM
0

Somethings wrong with his dingle... has to be. I mean if there was a casual nude picture of myself out there I wouldn't give it much thought.
/r/Divorce_Men26/06/24 06:36 PM
6

I'm not gay or anything but I want to see what the huge (or not) deal is about.
/r/Divorce_Men26/06/24 06:35 PM
4

lol So she is going to just hold up the photo and say "look... he's naked!", no lawyer worth a shit is going to add this to discovery. I kind of wonder if she even HAS a photo at this point. OP mentioned he is a CEO and has 2 kids... so I guess he's also worried his stbx is going to show his kids a photo of dad with his dick out. This entire thing is fucking weird.
/r/Divorce_Men26/06/24 06:34 PM
6

So you guys are together in this photo? Is she naked also? I don't understand this... how is an unwarranted naked picture of you worth anything in a discovery? Like she's not going to look good doing that... and what lawyer would go along with the idea... O.o
/r/Divorce_Men26/06/24 06:24 PM
0

Violence Against Women Act I got this weird feeling that the courts don't take men in this position as seriously.
/r/Divorce_Men26/06/24 06:22 PM
1

How big is your dick?
/r/Divorce_Men26/06/24 06:21 PM
2

I can't figure this out... I was hoping someone would explain what is going on. So she took a photo of OP naked, both parties were privy and it got stuck in discovery? OP obviously didn't want a picture of himself with his dick out passed around. And even at the time requested it to be deleted, which she agreed. How can this be used against OP in a trial? I must be missing something...
/r/Divorce_Men26/06/24 06:19 PM
9

That's about as absurd as me asking you to send me a 100 bucks for commenting. If the amount she got matched the agreement then that's how much she gets. End of story... just text her back a laugh emoji.
/r/Divorce_Men26/06/24 06:13 PM
1

Kids or when symptoms developed? Kids: 15/21/29 today Symptoms: 39
/r/Divorce_Men14/06/24 04:40 PM
9

Just stay out of it. This is not your problem, or any of your business to be honest. I could see if you caught one of your parents cheating, as it would end up eating you alive. But your parents are a train wreck. I would simply step back and concentrate on other things in your life. Friends, academics, video games... anything. Let them figure shit out.
/r/Divorce_Men14/06/24 12:54 PM
1

Same here, I have never been perfect. But the illness essentially robbed me of my wife and the kids of their mother. It is one of the saddest and most horrible things to deal with. She stopped being able to function as well, can't work, even driving is scary. Refuses anything is wrong so no disability... I can't let her live in a car so I have to take care of her probably forever. It's so depressing.
/r/Divorce_Men13/06/24 05:44 PM
2

5 years of Schizophrenia (15yr mark), I know what you mean.
/r/Divorce_Men13/06/24 05:28 PM
26

30%... lol 50/50 all assets, don't budge! Then get alimony and 50/50 custody. Then GTFO... she's so full of shit, if she loved you and wanted to stay partners in life she wouldn't demand a divorce for "financial" reasons. It's simply due to keeping money from you.
/r/Divorce_Men13/06/24 04:08 PM
3

I got the entire "I am no longer attracted to you physically or mentally, but I still love you" speech. Thanks.. that makes everything OK then. lol This sounds like a fucking mess... I am glad you finally noped out and now taking a stand. Good luck with the incoming war! Stay strong!
/r/Divorce_Men13/06/24 04:06 PM
1

So it's obviously "today" now, did you have the talk yet? I imagine if so it was a disaster,
/r/Divorce_Men13/06/24 04:03 PM
2

This sounds like it could get messy for sure...
/r/Divorce_Men13/06/24 04:02 PM
6

Ya once a week sounds amazing.
/r/Divorce_Men13/06/24 04:01 PM
1

I'm in Missouri
/r/Divorce_Men12/06/24 01:53 PM
1

85k vs 0, only 1 child that's under 21 (CS goes to 21 if in college here), Insurance only on kids. 2,300 month x 6yrs.
/r/Divorce_Men12/06/24 01:32 PM
6

It's going to get ugly if she feels marital assets aren't a thing... often things start out "reasonable" then go down hill. It sounds like your already down the hill... First of all there is no "foot down", this entire process is simply a financial transaction. Take all of the emotion out and treat it that way. If she already thinks she is entitled to so much, stop talking to her and let your attorney take it from here. As for keeping things civil for the kids.. the only thing you can do is not …
/r/Divorce_Men11/06/24 12:43 PM
1

That's awesome man! It's something I have always dreamed about, especially moving out west (Colorado, Wyoming etc.) I was looking at property last weekend even. I don't even want something that big, maybe 800-1000sq/ft. All I care about is a wood stove and windows to watch the snow fall. Good luck to you, I hope that is something you end up being able to do!
/r/Divorce_Men11/06/24 11:59 AM
6

75% of guys here got totally fucked over and are now broke as hell. It's the cherry on top of the divorce process. I would for sure consider moving to a remote area and live in a tiny house / homestead if I was at the point of a van. Especially if you do have some cash in the bank, and able to work in IT. Although that's always been a personal dream of mine and it's not for everyone. Hell it would at least be an adventure! =D
/r/Divorce_Men10/06/24 06:22 PM
2

I mean... it's kind of whatever you are comfortable with. If you feel like you could date a 22yr old go for it. I personally feel that the younger you go, the immature people get. But then again I know people my age (44) who are immature. If a 37 year old would try and date my 21 year old I would probably kick the guys ass. Fair warning. lol
/r/Divorce_Men10/06/24 06:18 PM
1

lol, ya expected as much.
/r/Divorce_Men10/06/24 06:13 PM
2

Most likely yes you will be required to pay support. But it really depends on the jurisdiction on the term length and amount. In my state the non-worker walks in with impeded income, even if they never worked. The thought is "you got hands, go use them", so they start out making minimum wage. If they are experienced and educated you can request a market analysis. Then the impeded income would be their potential income earnings. Term length varies, standard is 1 year for every 3 married. But that…
/r/Divorce_Men04/06/24 07:40 PM
7

Like the other poster said, pure gaslighting. But the thing that gets me is that she is VERY bad at it. Don't respond to it, she was obviously trying to get a reaction out of you! If she pulls anything like that again just say something like "nope", turn and walkaway. Also... stop trying to be kind FFS!
/r/Divorce_Men04/06/24 01:01 PM
1

How does she do that? Is your page not set to private? I deleted my FB a few years ago as I personally think it does more harm than good. When I did, a weight got lifted off my shoulder's as I no longer had it's distraction, or the chance of seeing people post stupid shit. I suggest if you are worried about "people" seeing some of the things you post publicly to simply remove yourself from that social BS bubble.
/r/Divorce_Men17/05/24 03:50 PM
3

It's hard to say what the worst case scenario could be as we don't know your assets, incomes, state and if there was a history of abuse. For instance I don't know WHY you are even living in a tent... you shouldn't have even moved out of the marital residence, did she file a protection order or something? Seeing your kids? Unless you pose a danger to them your not going to be court ordered to stay out of their lives. Obviously living in a tent isn't helping any custody battle though if you were g…
/r/Divorce_Men16/05/24 01:44 PM
11

I don't know the law in your state but in mine: After 20 days, if a spouse doesn't reply, the divorce will be called an uncontested divorce, to which you'll have a hearing with the judge. If the spouse still doesn't respond, you'll be allowed to make reasonable requests regarding factors like child custody and other divorce issues on behalf of your spouse. So refusing to sign ends up completely screwing the person over. You can even write up your own settlement without their input and get it app…
/r/Divorce_Men15/05/24 05:28 PM
1

If you are married there is no such thing. She obviously opened it in her own name, but whatever is inside is also yours. I ran into this with a massive amount transferred into a savings account also. Some people think they are so clever... lol Anyways she will have to provide the savings account statement during discovery.
/r/Divorce_Men15/05/24 12:28 PM
1

Stop doing it! lol
/r/Divorce_Men15/05/24 12:20 PM
4

I would non-nonchalantly take your time with this. Obviously I don't know her, but you can't trust anyone through this process. Let her get the raise so she loses all leverage if she tries to pull something. In fact with 50/50 custody and you making 1/2 as much she probably would be ordered to pay you support. Even if you have no intentions of that, at least it keeps you safe from her coming up with some random bullshit. Side note; her retirement was marital property. She wasn't suppose to drain…
/r/Divorce_Men14/05/24 04:04 PM
1

Appreciate it man. I went through three divorces in 8 years fuckin nightmare man Well see how long she shines.... guy hasn't been doing well in the decision department.
/r/Divorce_Men14/05/24 11:50 AM
1

I don't know what is going on as OP said; Appreciate it man. I went through three divorces in 8 years fuckin nightmare man
/r/Divorce_Men14/05/24 11:49 AM
1

So she had everything prior to the marriage?
/r/Divorce_Men14/05/24 11:44 AM
1

This is his 3rd divorce in 8yrs.... The entire thing is fucking weird.
/r/Divorce_Men14/05/24 11:43 AM
1

He said it was his 3rd divorce in 8yrs.... I am starting to wonder if this is a troll post. Or if OP is one of the dumbest people on the planet. And since he keeps getting divorced over and over and keeps losing everything, somehow he is accumulating a substantial amount of assets in only 2ish years. It's fucking weird.
/r/Divorce_Men14/05/24 11:41 AM
2

This is OPs third divorce in 8yrs... I have a feeling he won't.
/r/Divorce_Men14/05/24 11:39 AM
1

According to him she got 100% of the marital assets with a bunch of cherry's on top....
/r/Divorce_Men13/05/24 07:48 PM
1

Wait... so you only have the monitor for the computer!?
/r/Divorce_Men13/05/24 07:45 PM
3

Ya I like to warn the new guys who simply say "we are calmly going to work this all out" and such. As it almost never happens, especially when money comes into play. I remember going through that process and it started out reasonable, in fact so much it was almost to good to be true... then all of a sudden I was demanded 80% of my take home, and the house... lol Fucking crazy.
/r/Divorce_Men13/05/24 03:44 PM
4

I got one about a decade ago and have not had any issues. But I also had three kids already and didn't want any "woopsie" babies. I am going to assume though that most of the women at that age range still would be on birth control? Take their age, condoms, and that and I imagine the risk is extremely close to zero. In turn if you are unsure of the procedure just put it off at least. I am glad I got one personally, but I get worrying about the risks.
/r/Divorce_Men13/05/24 01:49 PM
3

I don't know why no one is mentioning that. OP spends two times a week hanging out with her casually, and each time he's punched in the gut simply due to her walking out to the car. Toss in the fact that's its been an entire year yet he is STILL wearing his wedding ring... there are so many unhealthy aspects going on here.
/r/Divorce_Men09/05/24 07:19 PM
1

Our judgement doesn't address something like this There's your answer. Any future income situations should've been included in your settlement agreement. Obviously there is one for you... but I guess no one thought about the "what if's" in regards her. There are things you can do, especially if an ex spouse ends up with a large income influx. But I don't know if a one time lump sum of money is easy to go after, especially by the person paying the support.
/r/Divorce_Men09/05/24 06:40 PM
2

He want's to know if he can go after part of her bonus.
/r/Divorce_Men09/05/24 06:36 PM
1

"Oh hey by the way, I forgot to tell you I have an STD now" W...T...F man... Fair warning; you can still transmit syphilis while wearing a condom. Condoms lower the risk, but it's one of the STDs frequently still transmitted. Anyways yes tell her... and prepare for the aftermath. If I was told after the fact I would be furious, and tell the person to GTFO!
/r/Divorce_Men09/05/24 04:15 PM
1

She can't keep the kids from you without good reason. Did you talk to your attorney about that? Also keeping your kids from the other parent without good reasoning, won't help in a custody battle. It makes her look like she doesn't have the child's best interests at heart.
/r/Divorce_Men07/05/24 07:37 PM
1

Ah OK, that makes sense. So she essentially is bullying you... so she didn't want to split custody? Why not?
/r/Divorce_Men07/05/24 07:25 PM
2

Jesus... pure spite. There is no way in hell this should end up in trial. Did you guys discuss anything first, or did she just run off on her own and start this BS.
/r/Divorce_Men07/05/24 07:08 PM
8

I guess it depends on how your relationship is now, such as if you are cordial. If everything on that front is "well enough", then letting your child give their mom something on your dime probably isn't a huge deal. If you can't stand her, or she did something absolutely horrible to you then I probably wouldn't.
/r/Divorce_Men06/05/24 03:17 PM
5

It takes a hell of a lot more to be granted 100% custody than "dads not experienced". The main reasoning men lose in a custody battle is domestic violence, drug addiction etc, Now there are of course two types of custody, and the % of "physical" can be lowered depending on many factors. But even then (example work schedule) you won't lose 100%. They will split up the ratio differently 35/65 for example. Legal custody wise, that has no bearing, so without again any type of "extreme" concern (not …
/r/Divorce_Men06/05/24 03:09 PM
1

Ah so it's simply a loop hole to retain the "advantages" of being married. So people who do it get the keep the benefits in place, yet the entire child support / spousal support goes into effect? How does the IRS not know that, or do they simply not care in regards to filing "married"?
/r/Divorce_Men03/05/24 07:09 PM
5

I guess it depends on how much spite is worth to you. I would be more than happy to let it go for 100,000, with the bonus of not having to deal with selling the house in the first place. Which would include things like repairs, inspections, showings, realtor fees etc.
/r/Divorce_Men03/05/24 04:37 PM
5

Ya it's very common for men to "let themselves go" during a marriage. Partly due to being somewhat socially acceptable. So walking out of this don't be so hard on yourself for the lack of fitness. It's fixable of course, and you should probably concentrate on that asap. There is no better way to get a self esteem boost either. Also... stay the hell away from the online dating apps. It's a nightmare for those with social anxiety and low self esteem. It's going to make you feel like a failure afte…
/r/Divorce_Men03/05/24 03:18 PM
1

I never even have considered it, but why do people even bother?
/r/Divorce_Men03/05/24 01:55 PM
2

Why the hell would you want to set something like that up at your kitchen table anyways... people need to stop trying to do everything for 10 bucks.
/r/Divorce_Men03/05/24 12:52 PM
4

So you guys don't actually "own" the car, it's her fathers? Who holds the title, did he sign it over once you paid it off? IF you hold the title, it's a marital asset and you most likely would be entitled to 1/2. If he never transferred the title over to either of you... then I think you are SOL. Although there could be some loophole in Florida I don't know about.
/r/Divorce_Men02/05/24 03:59 PM
2

Ya hence the warning to so many that their "amicable" divorce probably will turn into hell at the settlement signing. That's when you learn truly who your stbx really is.
/r/Divorce_Men01/05/24 01:23 PM
1

Considering how much money we are talking, as well as the future earnings and commissions you really should be asking your attorney. I am not saying there is no one knowledgeable here, but "reddit" advice in regards to this type of situation probably isn't the best to go off of.
/r/Divorce_Men30/04/24 02:07 PM
2

The guy had a year relationship with his AP partner and had his heart broken... I don't know if it was a "moment" as he would've never ended the relationship himself. I think he simply ran back to his wife due to necessity. Not love. He needs to file, learn from this and move forward.
/r/Divorce_Men30/04/24 11:56 AM
1

The success rate is so dismal that you have to question the IQ of the person who commits to one. No offense to OP but having his "heart broken" was almost a certainty. Like you said, anyone who seeks out a married man (or woman) is a huge POS. Predatory level, as they know the person is already in a weak emotional state. Guy got preyed on and let his delusions and ignorance lead the way... ended up running right back to his wife. A tale as old as time.
/r/Divorce_Men30/04/24 11:53 AM
1

What kind of chips?
/r/Divorce_Men29/04/24 06:54 PM
7

You are going to slow down the healing process, and perhaps even halt it via "hanging on". Ask yourself this, what happens when she is with someone new? It's very possible that she will randomly cut you off completely. Will it cause you a sense a loss all over again? Or what happens if you run into your "friend" and she is walking hand in hand with some other guy? Would that feel like a dagger through your heart? Would you still want to talk about the "fun times"? Honestly I don't like those ide…
/r/Divorce_Men29/04/24 04:36 PM
1

Most of us in this sub are going to throw a bit more "tough love". I think this situation just frustrates me do to the fact that you already obviously WILL check out. All it takes is someone to come along that makes you feel better and off the ship you jump. So if you tried to make this somehow work... what happens in a few months IF you find someone new? Obviously your marriage is fairly horrible in general, and not healthy for you overall. You really need to get on top of this and push it forw…
/r/Divorce_Men29/04/24 03:00 PM
4

I understand the stoic stance of duty etc You are seriously going to say that at this point? The right thing to do is to address your broken marriage head on, and do what it takes to push through the process, including making sure your kids are OK. That's stoic stance of duty... not run out to fill the void by some random chick, and play the game until the affair fog wears off. Which was was statistically doomed to work from day one. But like you said you don't want to be lectured, so I will lea…
/r/Divorce_Men29/04/24 01:57 PM
12

I hate that shit. It's like you should be able to trust someone dedicated to you to never act on something like that. And when those situations arise we tell ourselves how ridiculous it is even think such a thing... we are insecure of course. And then eventually it eats you up inside, you become obsessive over the entire idea and it drives you insane. So what then? Well you start to try and look for evidence, doing everything you shouldn't in a relationship built on trust. Find something? Maybe.…
/r/Divorce_Men26/04/24 06:42 PM
5

Regardless of what type of BS she is feeding him, any guy who reacts like this is a 100% obsessive asshole. Which is one of the worst relationships to be in... I can see down the road him finding out that she talked to a co-worker, or randomly saw a guy interacting with her in public and losing his shit.
/r/Divorce_Men26/04/24 06:30 PM
2

Nothing worse than a obsessive chad. His ex fucked up big time and is going to learn eventually. Just wait until he see's her talking innocently to some random guy... bro's unhinged.
/r/Divorce_Men26/04/24 06:29 PM
1

As cliche as this is I highly recommend starting therapy. Preferably with a therapist who is experienced in divorce / trauma (this is a traumatic event). That way you have someone to help you navigate your feelings during the process, especially in regards to your kids. I don't know how I could've dealt with any of this without one as I kept slipping and worrying more about her than me.
/r/Divorce_Men26/04/24 02:40 PM
1

I live in Missouri. I don't really know about the stipulations in regards to say full time vs part time etc. As at the time my daughter was in college full time, and 20 so she still met the basic requirements.
/r/Divorce_Men26/04/24 12:45 PM
1

Keep in mind that she can petition the court to have her support amounts increased. So whatever you do don't talk to ANYONE about your salary / job promotions etc. All it takes is for her to become suspicious, or hear something from someone else and she's going to contact her attorney. If you already have been or she knows... don't be shocked at some point to get a letter.
/r/Divorce_Men25/04/24 07:41 PM
2

It's 21 here if your kids go to college. Which sucks!
/r/Divorce_Men25/04/24 07:05 PM
2

If you don't win this, luckily you only have a few more years until driving. She's going to have a rough time stopping them from coming over.
/r/Divorce_Men25/04/24 06:37 PM
2

How much is this lump payment? Are we talking 100k, 500k, 1mil? That will make a huge difference on if this is a good, or bad idea.
/r/Divorce_Men25/04/24 06:10 PM
1

Are you looking at lowering support amounts due to the change? If not... ugh I hate your ex... your kids are old and simply want to hangout with dad more. :(
/r/Divorce_Men25/04/24 06:06 PM
1

Yes the age is 14 there as well.
/r/Divorce_Men25/04/24 05:58 PM
2

The judge will compare future living arrangements on both sides. Income, stability, history of each parent and even the school and possibly the child's support system. The child's wishes weigh heavily on the scale, but it's left up to the judge's discretion (obviously). Some specific things that come into consideration are; past abuse, will the kid have their own bedroom, will other family be nearby (or will the child be isolated), school changes, available transportation, parents work schedule …
/r/Divorce_Men25/04/24 05:57 PM
2

I love my daughter so fucking much man I never want to be in a position of never seeing her again. You are her father and have full parental rights. Take a deep breath for sure and get your life moving forward, this is going to destroy you if you keep holding on.
/r/Divorce_Men19/04/24 06:22 PM
1

First of all you didn't mentioned he had bought her out as agreed in the settlement... I don't know how that works in regards to proceeds after the fact. But I would assume since he fully owned the house (her no longer on the deed) that selling it down the road that she wouldn't be entitled to the proceeds. My parents went through that situation, and my dad couldn't get anything. Second, If it doesn't specifically say "Susan gets 1/2 of the future proceeds", then I would personally talk to an at…
/r/Divorce_Men19/04/24 12:28 PM
1

It's pretty standard to sell the family home and split the proceeds. And he agreed to those terms during the settlement process, so he has known the entire time this would be the outcome. I guess the "reality" hit and got him frustrated and upset? Regardless there is nothing that can be done at this point, and keep in mind that it was also his ex-wife's home. As much as these things piss us all off, she has just as much right to 1/2 of the proceeds as he does.
/r/Divorce_Men18/04/24 07:44 PM
1

How long was the restraining order for? How bad was this "shove"?
/r/Divorce_Men18/04/24 06:33 PM
2

OK, so the 30 days is after everything is finalized. That makes a lot more sense! Good luck to you!
/r/Divorce_Men18/04/24 05:35 PM
2

So your divorce is already finalized and the timer has started? I am really confused. My first thought was that you guys were negotiating the settlement currently. If the settlement has been agreed on and filed, you don't pay anything until the divorce is final. As the settlement agreement has to be approved by the court. I have to be completely confused.
/r/Divorce_Men18/04/24 04:32 PM
1

It's massively hit and miss for people. It all depends on the person, and your civility towards each other during the process. I would just put the terms you want into the settlement offer and submit it and see what happens. If she turns her nose up at the idea you could counter with a bit more total payout depending on how bad you want it broken up. And I am only talking about something like 40k paid over "X" amount of time.
/r/Divorce_Men18/04/24 03:54 PM
7

Welp... if that's what makes men weak we all fucked here. Crying, therapy, medication, depressed, anxious, scared, grief, trauma... welcome to care bear land. If most of us could meet up for beer and BBQ, there would be lots of hugs and tears between bean bag tosses. You are not weak... you are human.
/r/Divorce_Men18/04/24 12:46 PM
2

I co-inhabited during the process for 5 months. We slept in different rooms, and she seemingly floated around like a princess. I would've rather her stayed segregated from me as it made things hurt even more. What I will say is to reach out to anyone that you can, old friends, family etc and GET OUT of the house as much as possible. If you don't really have anyone... go camping or something to clear your head. Hell even simply going to the park and walking until exhaustion helps. Regardless I kn…
/r/Divorce_Men15/04/24 06:23 PM
2

*raises mug* Hang in there man, you will be OK.
/r/Divorce_Men15/04/24 06:15 PM
2

After posting I realized kids were not involved (got confused). Which possibly is the reason many of us get told that due to the entire "abandoned kid" thing. Regardless though OP doesn't need to simply do what she says. And considering this is a yo yo of a situation I think he should stand his ground.
/r/Divorce_Men04/04/24 12:27 PM
2

She has kicked me out of the house numerous times. It was already said, but I wanted to toss an extra on top. DO NOT LEAVE YOUR HOUSE! She cannot force you to do anything. If she doesn't want to be around you, she can GTFO! That is going to be the first thing an attorney will tell you when you sit down with them. I honestly think she’s turning into a fucking psychopath. She is not turning into a psychopath, she is a psychopath and she is abusing you. Emotionally manipulating you, stepping over b…
/r/Divorce_Men04/04/24 11:48 AM
3

Legality wise I don't think you run much risk. Especially since financially and tax liability wise you guys are completely separate. Common marriage is a thing in some states, time frames vary, so if this could be a very long term thing you may want to check. But in regards to that I am just tossing it out there. Good to luck to you!
/r/Divorce_Men03/04/24 01:58 PM
8

If it works out for you, it works. A lot of people freak the hell out about these situations and say "GTFO and turn the page!". But if the legal process is done, and you guys are fully functioning then life can take some interesting paths without a huge risk. Co-habitation wise. Yes a ton of people have done that, I did that as well during the process for about 4 months. And from what I have read it normally isn't fun, especially if one spouse didn't want the divorce. I did not want the divorce,…
/r/Divorce_Men03/04/24 12:46 PM
2

=D , does her name start with a C?
/r/Divorce_Men02/04/24 06:31 PM
3

do not expect to find your next lover or wife god forbid on here No experience. But I have one friend who met a girl who "swallowed" in a pool halls parking lot on date two. He decided though she wasn't very relationship worthy so he ghosted her and she went full on psycho mode. Haven't talked to him in awhile so no idea if he's dead. And I have a second friend who lined up several candidates and had to keep cutting down his list. Now he is in a fairly great relationship with an attractive women…
/r/Divorce_Men02/04/24 04:21 PM
2

Ya, it was horrible to hear at the time and confusing. But whatever /shrug Good luck on all of the BS you are dealing with!
/r/Divorce_Men01/04/24 04:15 PM
11

Mine all of a sudden started having sex with me daily for about a week straight. It was weird as we normally only had sex a few times a month for YEARS. After that week, the classic D bomb was dropped on me, including a "not physically or psychologically" attracted to you anymore. K
/r/Divorce_Men01/04/24 02:59 PM
6

So you guys have been divorced for awhile now? She must have woke up and started drunk texting people, or she was high. lol
/r/Divorce_Men01/04/24 02:57 PM
9

Well I am glad you seemingly are going to start standing up for yourself. I just hope that it doesn't fade the farther you get from the latest incident. Don't let go of that anger! Your daughter should be all you need as motivation to move forward! If you ever get that "I want her back" thought in your head.. instantly tell yourself "she treats my daughter like shit, my daughter is more important, fuck that bitch". Man up!
/r/Divorce_Men28/03/24 07:51 PM
5

Well good luck to her, greed doesn't always pay off of course. I hope she loses money, that will be a big truck load of karma for her. lol Personally I would document every time you have the kids beyond the agreement. I don't know how it works in the UK though. But in my state it would be something I could bring to the table as evidence of her violating the custody agreement. If she wants to play dirty... Anyways it seems like that might not be worth the stress anyways (or attorney fees) if it w…
/r/Divorce_Men28/03/24 02:02 PM
4

Her quotes... it's made even worse by her behavior, ugh. I am sorry you are dealing with this! It sounds like this divorce is going to be such a great turn of the chapter for you!
/r/Divorce_Men27/03/24 04:11 PM
3

Mine did that... she drove out hysterical to see various family members acting like I had just abused her. Then went on to list every single thing that has happened (true or not) over the past 20 years of our marriage. She also my eldest daughter (moved out), and pretty much ANYONE that would listen. It was insane... she made me out to be a MONSTER! And did everything possible to gather an army before the war...
/r/Divorce_Men27/03/24 02:43 PM
1

When the bomb got dropped on me for the several months following I couldn't even watch anything on TV with "love scenes". Anything that reminded me of how things use to be. I can see a wedding being rough.
/r/Divorce_Men25/03/24 04:02 PM
1

But when I do look, I'm front and center in pretty nasty comments. In some states that is illegal, and part of the post divorce process. You can't go on social media and slander your ex. Honestly I would dig more into your state laws or contact your attorney and ask him. As that possibly is something you can use against her as her fucking arrogance will backfire. Anyways as it's been said keep a detailed list of every incident that happens; vandalism, slander or otherwise, and screen shots also …
/r/Divorce_Men21/03/24 07:47 PM
1

Why haven't you filed? I couldn't deal with that, who the hell knows what her motivation is... affairs, financial, cold feet... who fucking knows. Whatever is keeping her hanging on is NOT GOOD, and the sooner you take initiative the better you will be. Don't let her bully you, GO FILE!
/r/Divorce_Men21/03/24 07:42 PM
4

The biggest piece of advice you will get from both attorney's and the other guys here is to NEVER MOVE OUT OF THE HOUSE! With the only exception being if you are in a dangerous situation. Otherwise you have the full right to occupy the residence. This holds true even more so if a custody battle will be had. As in the eyes of the court you straight abandoned your children. Just stay, tell her to leave if she doesn't want you to be there.
/r/Divorce_Men21/03/24 02:26 PM
2

What exactly can they even do? I haven't heard of this happening and tried to google it but only your post comes up. Reading through my local organizations "mission", it doesn't seem like they even get involved in domestic matters like divorce. What are they going to send a dozen protesters to stand outside of your house? I am sure I am simply ignorant to this all though. Your divorce is finalized... it seems like the only thing she can do is try to bring up some civil case for some BS reasons. …
/r/Divorce_Men20/03/24 02:31 PM
1

you on the other hand are not obligated to do a thing. They can't get a hold of him (they did try to serve), so they finally left a notice. I thought maybe the Sheriff's department wasn't doing their job. But turns out they simply are being "dodged", not saying intentionally but OP can't simply shrug this off. She's going to get him eventually, and at least in my state this may fuck him over. As not only can she push the process through solo, she also will get to make up her own settlement witho…
/r/Divorce_Men19/03/24 12:17 PM
2

Well... there is a point in my state. The biggest problem is if you refuse to sign and simply ignore everything, people can push the process through the courts without you. Which also comes with the fact that you no longer will have a say in the settlement. So in essence your ex could get the divorce solo, and put down anything she wants... and if it's deemed reasonable she gets it. AKA you can get royally fucked over. I have seen people post here who didn't want a divorce, so they simply refuse…
/r/Divorce_Men19/03/24 12:13 PM
2

Well if they don't serve you the paperwork, then you can't sign and it's not your problem. I am confused a bit on what you are asking? I have no idea why you never were served, but all this is on your stbx and her attorney. AKA: Don't worry about it. I would raise this situation with your attorney though just for more insight.
/r/Divorce_Men18/03/24 07:38 PM
3

Are you checking her email? How did you manage to get this "inside" information? Regardless it means exactly what it said, you haven't been served and there is a time limit. Seemingly the sheriff's department simply isn't doing what they are supposed to be or you missed their visits. So in turn... they have to simply refile in order to reset the timer. If you are not purposely avoiding the situation I don't think it's your problem.
/r/Divorce_Men18/03/24 06:27 PM
4

IF you guys split on good terms and she didn't cheat on you it might simply be a kind gesture. Since she cheated, ran off with an AP and came clawing back she can go fuck right off. Don't give her shit, she's obviously a BAD person. I personally don't give shit to bad people. Relish in her reality check... she's a big girl and can figure out how to take care of herself.
/r/Divorce_Men18/03/24 06:20 PM
3

OP said she is draining him of money... that's a fairly good incentive to get it over with.
/r/Divorce_Men06/03/24 03:09 PM
10

"we tried so hard and got so far, but in the end...." heh, she should've just used the lyrics.
/r/Divorce_Men05/03/24 08:44 PM
5

Why go through years of being a lonely sack of crap just to try and make my daughters lives better? Because being there for them is the most important thing you can do now. I get that your hurting, I was blindsided as well... but man the fuck up for your daughters sake! They deserve a father in their lives... be a father.
/r/Divorce_Men05/03/24 01:58 PM
4

Why is the guy delivering under a Hispanic's woman's name?
/r/Divorce_Men04/03/24 06:48 PM
1

=( I would give you a bro-hug if I could friend. I am so sorry things are going so shitty for you at the moment. You will make it through this, and be much better off without her BS sooner than you think. This might sound a bit random, but is it possible to grab a some simple camping gear and go get a breather? It would do you good to relax by a fire and unwind. Plus get you out of being cramped up in the car. A lot of campgrounds will be opening their showers up as well soon, so you can simply …
/r/Divorce_Men01/03/24 02:38 PM
6

5,000 attorney to handle a case with over 2 million in assets, and 250-300k in salary... My mom dropped 60k on one in a similar situation... and that ended up a "deal" in the end for her. You are going to have to shoot a bit higher, not that expensive ones are always BETTER... but there usually is a reason people are willing to drop so much money on them. You have way too much at stake to play the "budget" game.
/r/Divorce_Men01/03/24 02:13 PM
4

Ya, and don't forget not only is it non-deductible, but the change also can push you into a higher tax bracket costing you even MORE money.
/r/Divorce_Men01/03/24 01:57 PM
2

She knows she fucked up and it's only a matter of time It has to be a good feeling, even if a tiny one.
/r/Divorce_Men29/02/24 06:23 PM
1

That is 100% illegal to do in my state. In general, utilities such as electricity, gas, water, and phone service are considered essential services, and it is illegal to shut them off in order to gain an advantage in a divorce or separation.
/r/Divorce_Men29/02/24 05:16 PM
2

I wish you all of the best in getting through this nightmare!
/r/Divorce_Men29/02/24 05:04 PM
3

The PI thing makes a lot more sense now. Is the evidence legal to submit in your state? I hear people talk about how pointless this stuff can be in court.
/r/Divorce_Men29/02/24 03:43 PM
7

It's been so long I have forgotten the actual terms. But depending on the state there are various actions you can take in these situations. One in particular the non-respondent can get completely screwed over, as the petitioner pretty much "decides" the settlement without their input. If it seems fair, it can be approved without their consent and the divorce granted (without their signature). I think a similar process is available in no-fault states when people refuse to sign as well... it's pre…
/r/Divorce_Men29/02/24 03:31 PM
6

Time, therapy and personal reflection. Also try to take care of yourself in general, and stay busy. BBQ's with friends, pick up new hobbies, go on walks, start camping (if you don't). Anything really, you simply don't want to sit idle all of the time thinking about the once was.
/r/Divorce_Men28/02/24 04:06 PM
12

It's been 3yrs and 2 months since you had one of the luckiest things happen to you... be happy, talk to a therapist, and let it fucking go.
/r/Divorce_Men28/02/24 03:29 PM
1

So... no requirement for both parents to agree. It's moot at this point but how did that happen? Most of the time changing the child's residence / schools / etc have to be approved by both parents. Regardless I wish you the best, this is such a nightmare to deal with I am sure. Hopefully the other parts of the plan cause this to get questioned.
/r/Divorce_Men27/02/24 07:30 PM
0

I had to be honest and let her know that I'm not gonna be able to be a loyal and devoted husband anymore. So now she's made her mind up that I just want to leave her so I can be with other women. A few days later she's going in my phone while I'm sleep, sniffing me when I come in from work, and has her mind made up that I'm having an affair with someone at my job. I told her that I'm done!! I'm not about to be under a microscope for something I haven't done! You don't say... lol This is so damn …
/r/Divorce_Men27/02/24 05:14 PM
1

I don’t think she will put up a fight. What makes you think that? The lady is CHEATING on you... and for sure is going to chase after everything she can get. It's not like she is a good person... people change drastically at the table. I really would hate to see you come back and post an "I lost everything" story. Regardless of the assets, earning potentials and affair, don't get overly confident. These things have a funny way of fucking us men over.
/r/Divorce_Men27/02/24 05:03 PM
1

2,500 a month with your income disparity is a really good deal. How many years?
/r/Divorce_Men27/02/24 04:44 PM
1

Your entitlement is going to vary by jurisdiction. But you need to know what is considered fair so you know where you stand. What are your incomes and what is her offer? I am kind of curious.
/r/Divorce_Men27/02/24 04:34 PM
9

You either grew out of love, or simply lost proper communication. Since the only issue is "awkward silences" I would go to couples counseling before doing anything more drastic.
/r/Divorce_Men27/02/24 04:08 PM
3

(MO here as well) Oh she's a genius obviously. Make you lose your job so she misses out on spousal maintenance? LMAO I am in management... I can't even imagine having a crazy ex-wife calling me and saying "BOBBY CUSSES AT ME, FIRE HIM!", she can Fuck right off. =D Suicide? Meh... highly unlikely, and if so that's not your problem. She is a emotionally abusive manipulative bitch, good riddance to her. And good on you for finally seeing the light and getting out!
/r/Divorce_Men27/02/24 04:04 PM
2

Fix us? She stabbed you through the heart and she simply is crying that she can't proceed with her plans. Why? MONEY! Not due to remorse, regrets or wanting to save things, but simply over 350 bucks. I don't know how legit those places are, but if you can borrow money and go the 100% legit route I would personally. And don't wait... file ASAP!
/r/Divorce_Men27/02/24 03:51 PM
5

That scared the shit out of me... I am waiting for her to come back and tell OP it's his and make a ton of drama happen.
/r/Divorce_Men27/02/24 03:45 PM
1

Just let it fucking go... all you are going to do is drive yourself insane. And even though that holds true for any length of marriage... you simply lost only 6 months under contract. Count yourself lucky and move on!
/r/Divorce_Men27/02/24 03:43 PM
0

I don’t know if I have any chance since we just filed the agreement in the county where we both live now and she’s already trying to change it. Plus move to a different county so I’m not sure where it gets handled in court. Well... she can't just change it. The parenting plan / agreement is a mutually agreed contract and both parties have to agree on any changes made to it. I read all of your responses and I am very confused on what's going on. Does your agreement clearly state that she can do a…
/r/Divorce_Men27/02/24 02:42 PM
1

Also I think that since your agreement is so fresh, she will have a hard time changing it now. I don’t think the judge is going to like this ropey dope. I certainly wouldn’t agree to it without filing the best objection you possibly can. I feel the same way. I don't think she will be able to do shit, and it sounds like she is simply bullying OP. Unless the guy is beating his kids and there are in danger of course, otherwise she has NO GROUNDS to have the agreement tossed into the shredder.
/r/Divorce_Men27/02/24 02:42 PM
1

Ya 550 a month, no alimony is a damn godsend. Not downplaying your situation but fuck you are lucky.
/r/Divorce_Men27/02/24 01:30 PM
1

I hope your doing OK, day 4 now. Please let us know how you are doing!?
/r/Divorce_Men26/02/24 04:34 PM
2

You are right. But my true feelings are not divorce. Well you shouldn't have told your husband you wanted a divorce if you didn't mean it. Obviously anyone hearing those words (many of us did) are going to try and emotionally step away from the person who hurt them. At this point he seemingly is doing what he is supposed to do... distance himself, grey rock and start looking towards his future. I wouldn't doubt either if he has already spoken to an attorney, and may even have paperwork being dra…
/r/Divorce_Men26/02/24 03:51 PM
7

I was the original one to say I wanted one, but I really just want us to move forward. Seemingly he did. And I honestly think it might be for the best due to your initial feelings. You can't tell someone that you have been married to for 16yrs (with kids) that you want out, only to take it back due to regret. People DO save marriages at these crossroads IF both spouses are willing to work on things (couples therapy, etc). But he seemingly checked out once he learned your true feelings, and is no…
/r/Divorce_Men26/02/24 02:22 PM
8

She's not leaving you the house, she's transferring the deed. That sounds stupid to point out, but "inherited" property is protected (in my state) during a divorce. A deed transfer while the person is alive is NOT protected. She needs to hold onto the house until everything is finalized. Hell let you move in and pay rent if needed if you want to get out. Although walking out of your home now... might be a huge mistake. Especially if a custody battle gets heated, as she can say you straight aband…
/r/Divorce_Men21/02/24 05:15 PM
1

WTF is she doing with the rest......... I hate your Ex
/r/Divorce_Men20/02/24 05:50 PM
1

Can you move back? I would get the fuck as far away from her as possible, and re-connect with friends if you can. (obviously it's easier said than done sometimes)
/r/Divorce_Men20/02/24 05:17 PM
2

You put re fried beans in your TACOS? I sometimes will in a burrito, but in say a crunchy taco that sounds weird.... I normally keep them on the side. =P Anyways congrats, I never had it THAT bad in the control department... my god what a nightmare.
/r/Divorce_Men20/02/24 03:54 PM
2

It's something for sure you need to talk to an attorney about. My state's laws are fairy lax when it comes to divorce here. No-fault, don't give a fuck about that affair type of things.
/r/Divorce_Men20/02/24 02:12 PM
1

Oh OK, so you guys are just going through the "process" not actually working on things.
/r/Divorce_Men20/02/24 02:11 PM
1

What this "couples therapy" about? Are you guys trying to work on the relationship right now?
/r/Divorce_Men20/02/24 01:07 PM
2

I guess it depends on your state laws. Here it's kind of hard to "prove" that a person is living there as stupid as it sounds. Your STBXW will most likely deny it, and simply say he visits from time to time. But again I speak from my jurisdiction, and this very topic is something that came up. As I wanted to add a clause on her not getting support IF she co-habitats with a partner. My attorney said I could try... but it wasn't exactly a common thing.
/r/Divorce_Men20/02/24 12:57 PM
1

Divorce = financial transaction that revolves around the distribution of assets.Custody = doing what's best for the kids You can argue that another man taking over a "father" role isn't good for the kids. But seemingly they are in a safe environment (that includes their mother) and that's all the court cares about. So unless you can prove this guy is a danger to their well being, it's a nonissue in this case. What you CAN do though is keep working on yourself, so that you can show up in court an…
/r/Divorce_Men19/02/24 08:52 PM
1

I guess my question does she have to account for him living there full time? At least in my state, If they aren't married he is irrelevant to the divorce case.
/r/Divorce_Men19/02/24 07:47 PM
2

I don't really understand the reasoning's behind chachingchaching2021's responses. But to be honest I would file married if she's willing in order to get the tax breaks. The entire "income is larger, alimony" thing is irrelevant. As your total annual income will show up regardless if you file single or married. Lastly you don't need to purposely file separate in order to "prepare" yourself for next years filing... save the money this year while you can. And next year... check the correct box. /s…
/r/Divorce_Men19/02/24 06:51 PM
1

I use to go on trips all of the time with my grandparents. I even spent summers in the mountains at their house, it was damn amazing. But once I got to your sons age my friends became more important. I simply wanted to hangout with them everyday and play sports / video games etc. So I stopped going on trips for several years, it got even worse when I got a GF at 16. In fact I didn't go ANYWHERE with family until I got into my late teens. So it's not shocking that he finally hit that hurdle, and …
/r/Divorce_Men19/02/24 06:42 PM
3

Obviously emotions get the better of people... but it only takes one punch. We aren't kids anymore.
/r/Divorce_Men19/02/24 06:34 PM
0

I have a step-daughter and can confirm I never abused her. I am confused on what OP is even saying though?
/r/Divorce_Men19/02/24 06:32 PM
2

If you guys do this without hell fire raining down, you can come up with any type of parenting plan you want. As such your housing won't effect custody if you can agree on something. All the custody agreement has to be is "fair", which includes child support amounts. The only time an argument can be made during the process is if things turn south, and you find yourself in a custody battle. In fact an entire divorce process can go fairly smoothly if the couple will work together. Laws are differe…
/r/Divorce_Men19/02/24 04:07 PM
1

I literally had to beg and plead with her to bring back my clothes You she stole your fucking clothes!? And your grandfathers watch!? I am so sorry you are having to deal with such insanity! I assumed it was just some random furniture... O.o
/r/Divorce_Men19/02/24 01:58 PM
5

In my state (MO)... zero rights. Personal injury settlements here are not considered marital assets. However... she "stole" some of the property. You simply can't do that... all household goods are to be valued and split up (unless agreed otherwise). Try to make a list of all items taken and share it with your attorney. What a bitch.
/r/Divorce_Men16/02/24 04:39 PM
1

You might be able to engage a lawyer to review your case and provide you a legal opinion on where a court is likely to come down on the various issues. That's what I did, it gave me a huge peace of mind and slapped me into reality as I was offering way to much in the settlement. I asked him "OK, worst case in court?". He gave me his opinion and I made sure I stayed above that just in case it went beyond no contest.
/r/Divorce_Men16/02/24 02:56 PM
2

My attorney was willing to simply charge me by the hour to help me with my pro-se. I basically just did all of the paperwork myself and he reviewed it. He also gave "suggestions" on the settlement offer's I was coming up with. He wasn't representing me, just "consulting". I learned so much about the process, and what's fair or not. I was REALLY fucking myself over initially via giving too much money.
/r/Divorce_Men16/02/24 02:50 PM
4

I cant help but feel like im becoming a plan B for her You are not "becoming", you ARE plan B. Hell I don't even know if your plan anything at this point. She checked out, and made a HUGE leap when she did. When people do the entire "we need a break" thing, it usually includes two things. One they simply go stay with a family member or friend (not rent an apartment). And two they make it clear they want to "work on things", which in the best cases includes couples therapy. Sometimes that entire …
/r/Divorce_Men16/02/24 02:38 PM
10

Sigh... You are going to drive yourself insane. Why would you call his ex? Are you trying to get the "dirt" on this guy? What are you even going to say "hey, I don't like this guy, here's his record and transcript from his ex, you guys need to breakup!". They have been dating for 3 years already so I highly doubt she will do anything but become defensive, and probably think you are crazy.
/r/Divorce_Men15/02/24 07:52 PM
1

Very good point. Someone making that much money would have an attorney on retainer no less.
/r/Divorce_Men15/02/24 06:24 PM
1

I mean... putting all the travel chaos aside, you said "been having issues lately". I would concentrate on simply that. I am not a therapist or anything, but kind of curious what kind of problems. And I do get feeling left out... if I am reading it right your wife and kids went off on a trip without you, so I am sure most would feel that way.
/r/Divorce_Men15/02/24 05:24 PM
2

OP might make a shit ton of money.
/r/Divorce_Men15/02/24 05:19 PM
1

I mean... it's pretty simply math (although I prob messed it up) Option A. 1,428,000 pay until age 75 Option B. 1,200,000 pay until age 66 Of course Option B though makes you tighter on money in general. Although you said 11,000 a year... considering the other amounts I assumed you meant per month? Retirement doesn't make any difference, you are paying between 10-17yrs regardless. I hope you are SUPER rich.. I am guessing you are very well off due to the amounts though. GL, jesus that's a lot of…
/r/Divorce_Men15/02/24 05:08 PM
1

No one wants to be charged with perjury. How though do you take a "marital" asset and stick it in a irrevocable trust?
/r/Divorce_Men14/02/24 08:35 PM
1

Is that how it worked for you? Because I have never heard of specific wording on a deed that exempts a spouse their right to proceeds. If true... my god so many guys missed that "life hack" (including me).
/r/Divorce_Men14/02/24 08:33 PM
1

The house wasn't... that I assume is one of your most valuable assets. And it doesn't matter if your finances have been separate during your marriage (they are one in the same). You have to disclose everything during the divorce proceedings also. So don't try to hide any of it, it's perjury. And any accounts balances, even solely in your name she is entitled to (50/50). Prior liquid assets however can turn into marital if it's mingled during the marriage. It's not actually complicated, the rule …
/r/Divorce_Men14/02/24 08:29 PM
1

The fuck is rhe point of a prenuptial If the court over rides jt It depends on how your pre-nup was written up. Most people obviously protect all of their current assets, and possible future assets gained during the marriage. It's also possible to include future incurred debt. You can do all sorts of stuff. I was sharing my states laws in general, I don't know what you put into your pre-nup. If it's solely to protect all existing assets, including liquid, the debt aspect would hold true. Like I …
/r/Divorce_Men14/02/24 08:21 PM
1

All in regards to my states laws (MO) In regards to medical debt... it depends. Pretty much all medical debt becomes "marital debt" that incurred after marriage. However some things can be excluded such as cosmetic surgery. In my state anything deemed as necessary is jointly owned. After the marriage, Credit cards = marital debt (regardless of the account holder). Federal student loans are NOT marital debt, private loans I am not sure about. It doesn't matter if you co-signed a loan or not durin…
/r/Divorce_Men14/02/24 07:58 PM
1

Pets are simply considered "personal property" in my state. So all you need to do is agree on who gets them, which can be done outside of the courtroom. If you don't and it goes to through the courts... things get a bit odd. Such as my state (MO) determines which person the pets have the closest bond with... how I have no idea. I never dug into that as it's way easier to just leave the pets out of the paperwork.
/r/Divorce_Men14/02/24 07:42 PM
1

I always am a bit shocked that people don't understand what "marital assets" entails. So many people post asking similar questions thinking they are going to dodge bullets. Which makes it glaringly obvious that they haven't spoken to an attorney.
/r/Divorce_Men14/02/24 07:25 PM
1

The problem is the house is also hers. Homes purchased after the marriage become "marital property" regardless who's name is on the deed. My name also is solely on the deed... but turns out I am only entitled to half of the proceeds. Were your other assets attained prior to the marriage? Unless they were don't think that you are free and clear of any BS. I don't know the laws in your state though, so maybe things are done differently there. I just know in mine that only a few things are protecte…
/r/Divorce_Men14/02/24 07:22 PM
4

I am so fucking sorry. My stomach dropped when you mentioned the situation. Just try to keep your head up, and do anything you can to let your kids know you love them. Video calls, text messages, anything as often as possible. The fucking court system treats us men like shit for sure... I don't even know how the fuck they got away with that. Here's hoping that they don't work out... statistic's aren't in their favor.
/r/Divorce_Men13/02/24 08:38 PM
3

VICTORY! CONGRATS!
/r/Divorce_Men13/02/24 08:33 PM
2

It sounds like she isn't going to get what she wants period. It's nice to see the tables turned for once, congrats on the alimony! Tell her Richard sends his regards, and sorry about retirement... LOL Good luck to you!
/r/Divorce_Men13/02/24 08:33 PM
3

Congrats on staying strong and getting to this point! I hope your buds are able to meet up for some drinks etc!
/r/Divorce_Men13/02/24 02:51 PM
1

I deleted my TikTok, FB and instagram account a few years ago and never looked back. It was one of the best things I did... felt liberating in a weird way.
/r/Divorce_Men13/02/24 02:49 PM
5

Ugh, that is so obnoxious! Why would ANYONE want to go to special events with their exes, kids or not. Did you tell her you are already going out with "insert name"? LOL
/r/Divorce_Men13/02/24 01:39 PM
1

I was never told that here, but I am kind of curious. I get the reasoning I suppose, but I assume you still can unfollow people?
/r/Divorce_Men13/02/24 01:01 PM
7

This will be her first time in town since she left so I am also expecting her to show up at the house, see that I've rearranged her crap and freak out over everything in one big, combined blowout. If you are going to be home, whatever you do don't be there alone! This shit could get dangerous quick, not only that but it's possible she simply blows up and then plays the victim. Hell if you have camera's keep them rolling, if you are in a 1-party state... run a recorder at the very least. These si…
/r/Divorce_Men12/02/24 08:49 PM
2

You need to 100% speak to an attorney about this as it varies so much state to state. In my state spouses walk in with imputed income, so technically they are working (min wage). Then a market analysis can be requested, which takes into consideration their education and experience. Which can cause the imputed income amount to be higher. OR it could be ruled that they get more alimony for "X" amount of time in order to gain training / education. General rule also is 1 year of alimony (we call it …
/r/Divorce_Men12/02/24 06:05 PM
2

My state is the same way. They walk in with imputed income, and you can request a market analysis. Anyone that is able bodied & minded to work... "is working". Worst case is they get a higher amount / length if they require training or schooling to help find a job. When the numbers started to come in she was not happy.
/r/Divorce_Men12/02/24 05:54 PM
2

Read the top few posts.. meh, ya I can see how it would reinforce your thoughts on how obnoxious women can be.
/r/Divorce_Men12/02/24 05:33 PM
1

The standing order in Texas is not to delete social media things WTF... how is that a "law", do they do that in case you post some type of threats or something? I didn't hear anything in regards to that in my state (MO). Although I assume you can remove her as a friend on there? Why haven't your friends and family done so regardless? Anyways, I wish you all the best! Stay strong!
/r/Divorce_Men12/02/24 05:31 PM
3

That site has one post from 4 years ago? Typo?
/r/Divorce_Men12/02/24 04:59 PM
2

Why would you write to your ex-wife? You need to move forward, and even though apologizing for the things we do isn't wrong. These situations are all about self growth (and self refection). Is there a reason you cannot talk to / see your children? These conversations are MUCH better and sincere in person. I would rather have my father sit down and talk to me about his mistakes, rather than read a piece of paper. And I hate to say it but I feel like letters are an easy way out since it avoids dir…
/r/Divorce_Men12/02/24 04:47 PM
2

I wonder if there’s anyone who can help me out with posting that assholes number up and flooding his phone with dick pics smh. Don't do that, be the bigger man. You need to get into to see both an attorney and a therapist.
/r/Divorce_Men12/02/24 04:40 PM
3

Affair + wanting to be done with the marriage = divorce It's not fair to her or your kids to try and "make it work". As this shit is going going to become miserable for everyone involved.
/r/Divorce_Men12/02/24 04:38 PM
4

confusing my friends and family Why are your friends and family still connected to her on facebook? And why are you even checking it out yourself? I would delete your FB all together and move on... I wiped all social media (besides reddit) from the start as I didn't want reminders of ANYTHING. Facebook is stupid anyways. =D
/r/Divorce_Men12/02/24 02:19 PM
2

It seems like some people have fairly good luck going pro-se and simply using an attorney to help navigate things. That's what I did anyways, as I didn't know what was "fair" or how fucked I could be if we went to trial. So he told me what the worst outcome "could" be, I went to the kitchen table from there. Saves a shit ton of money, but you seemingly are doing that now anyways. I got slapped a few times back into reality also BECAUSE I was offering too much.
/r/Divorce_Men12/02/24 02:16 PM
2

Since you know she is hiding money how is she doing it? The judge has been reasonable via giving her access to a few hundred thousand prior to the divorce? O.o What does your attorney think you should do?
/r/Divorce_Men12/02/24 02:12 PM
6

You should be consulted by an attorney, even if it's just a few visits to answer questions. You don't have to hire one to represent you, or pay them extra time to do paperwork (so it's not that expensive). But you need to know where you stand, what's fair settlement wise and what you would risk if it ended up in court. That way if you go pre-se your not shooting yourself in the foot. And also will understand how to process works.. knowledge is power after all. All the best to you! And sorry you …
/r/Divorce_Men09/02/24 08:52 PM
2

I started going to therapy three days after I was "informed". And I kept going weekly for almost a year. I also posted here many times for wake up slaps in the face, and advice. As far as support groups, there are normally are a few in most communities. I am way too introverted though to attend any though. Therapy though was golden.. as I gained a lot of tools to help survive day to day. The one thing I was pressed on though was not to neglect myself, and try to spend as much time with my kids a…
/r/Divorce_Men08/02/24 07:05 PM
1

I got a post removed here because I said something very PG in regards to the mindset of women. I wouldn't doubt if this even gets removed... it was very weird and surprising. Especially from a divorced mens sub. So I have to wonder why it even happened... reported?
/r/Divorce_Men08/02/24 06:57 PM
2

That makes sense as to why "new" sketchy relationships form there. It's probably the worst place to pick someone up... lol
/r/Divorce_Men07/02/24 05:52 PM
2

Are you planning to move to a more favorable state prior to filing? If so what states do you have to pick from?
/r/Divorce_Men07/02/24 02:35 PM
2

Good on you for getting the hell out of there! I am sure it took a lot of strength to do so, and I completely agree you made the right choice for your kids. I have zero experience with this though, but due to watching so many documentaries on them I kind of understand what you are going up against. And I wish you ALL of the best!
/r/Divorce_Men07/02/24 02:31 PM
1

I worked with a guy who was in NA and it seemed VERY cult like. He was even hooking up with a bunch of people there... it was weird. I guess you confirmed my suspicions.
/r/Divorce_Men07/02/24 02:30 PM
1

I wish I could give advice, but I assume you are in the UK or somewhere? I have no idea how it works outside of the US. If it were here, it's time to take the gloves off. Not to mention depending on the state there are various "arguments" that can be made. If she doesn't work, and can't afford to take care of a child... that raises questions (at least in my state). As there is a ceiling in regards to CS, as you can't be left living in a car. But.. hopefully someone here is experienced with this …
/r/Divorce_Men07/02/24 02:28 PM
1

OMG, that is fucking heartbreaking. I dealt with insomnia for years and had to tell her multiple times to no avail not to greet me good morning until I had my coffee. Now she has the robot greet her instead.
/r/Divorce_Men06/02/24 05:48 PM
10

She was unhappy That's probably why she filed. In all honestly I do understand where you are coming from. But I also know that people in happy marriages rarely divorce. So going into a therapists office unhappy, with a list of reasons why... doesn't bode well for anyone. And lets be honest, if your spouse can be "convinced" to divorce you, citing a bunch of imaginary things like abuse... it's probably best to go your own ways anyhow.
/r/Divorce_Men06/02/24 05:42 PM
3

I know... OP left out the very thing everyone needed to know.
/r/Divorce_Men05/02/24 04:17 PM
1

part time work still brings in low six figures What... I guess it's a state thing. Here even if your spouse makes nothing they impute income. The thinking is, the person is able bodied to work so they "now do". They walk in making minimum wage. Then you can request a market analysis if they are educated to see how much they COULD make. If they aren't skilled, they get "X" amount of time to get training, or an education. Missouri though simply hates people not working. Anyways my wife was a stay …
/r/Divorce_Men05/02/24 02:01 PM
2

Of course she does... lol Why the hell are you being so generous? You are going to be paying her a "salary" already. These ratios make no sense... is she blackmailing you or something? What state do you live in? And is your attorney drunk or are you arguing with them due to being a "nice guy"? Your STBXW is trying to fuck you over BIG TIME, and I bet she has a huge smile on her face. JFC. 50/50 all assets and debt. I assume you are letting her keep the house due to your child? If so calculate in…
/r/Divorce_Men02/02/24 08:47 PM
1

Limp Bizkit - Re-Arranged Like many my age (43) I liked LB when they first came out... I am not a fan now, but I mean some of the old tracks are still... relatable (lol). I think this song is perfect in regards to a divorce. With these lines really resonating for many (it was about a breakup after all). ​ It seems that you're not satisfied, there's too much on your mind, so you leave, and I can't believe all the bullshit that I find ​ I don't think that anybody's like you (thank God it's over, a…
/r/Divorce_Men02/02/24 02:00 PM
1

I think OP was saying that's what it ended up costing them due to the contempt of court charge. It seems insane though...
/r/Divorce_Men02/02/24 12:41 PM
6

My god... 38.00 bill paid 4 days late = 7,038.00 in the end (and her legal fees)!? This world is fucked I swear. Not only that but holyshit she is a bitch! Who fucking does that to someone... even angry.
/r/Divorce_Men01/02/24 05:17 PM
2

100% It was at least an... interesting read unlike most.
/r/Divorce_Men01/02/24 03:22 PM
1

He would've had to make payments. I mean you don't go to jail or anything crazy, but a judge can order a garnishment for instance. Needless to say.. it is illegal and can come back to bite you.
/r/Divorce_Men29/01/24 01:04 PM
2

I 100% understand how insane the delusions can get! I could write a book on them. =(
/r/Divorce_Men29/01/24 01:01 PM
3

As it's going to be said a hundred times... talk to an attorney. This is not only complicated, it's also a lot of money. All I can say is that I think you are screwed unless she spent it WHILE the divorce process had been already started.
/r/Divorce_Men26/01/24 04:11 PM
1

It sounds like the best choice, I wish the best with all of this. The system for sure is rigged against us.
/r/Divorce_Men26/01/24 03:54 PM
1

I was going to say that, she will get a "surprise" tax return rejection... lol
/r/Divorce_Men26/01/24 01:55 PM
1

Unless he has to pay for her attorney. It happens in my state often, my dad ended up having to cover my moms in the end. It actually was one of the reasons he finally settled as her bill was racking up.
/r/Divorce_Men26/01/24 01:54 PM
1

My wife agreed to 50/50 and let my residence be my sons primary. As she didn't want him to risk having to change schools. We both agreed to ignore the "plan" and let him stay wherever / whenever he wanted outside of that. With that being said it also protects against address changes, as if I move as long as I stay in the boundary the school won't question anything. I don't know if you STBX would be willing to do that, but honestly there isn't any negative to it.
/r/Divorce_Men26/01/24 01:27 PM
5

Uh... it's illegal as those are her assets as well. My dad had that idea with his 401k, ended up pulling it and spending it... my mom was entitled to half so he had to pay her back.
/r/Divorce_Men26/01/24 01:20 PM
2

What's the reason that you want full custody? Are you afraid for them, or does this have to do with support (no judgement)? And to be honest taking full custody away from a mother is nearly impossible without evidence, history of abuse and a overall damn good reason.
/r/Divorce_Men26/01/24 01:19 PM
5

I did maybe once or twice (don't recommend), but it was "angry sex"... >:)
/r/Divorce_Men26/01/24 01:17 PM
2

The week prior to my wife demanding a divorce we had sex every single day. It seemingly came out of nowhere.... and prior we only had sex maybe 1-2 a month. Turned out she had schizophrenia though..
/r/Divorce_Men26/01/24 01:16 PM
3

And as one poster said.. risk pregnancy. Which obviously equals $$$ for a long ass time!
/r/Divorce_Men26/01/24 01:14 PM
1

JFC! Do you think it was on purpose? Like birth control "failed"?
/r/Divorce_Men26/01/24 01:13 PM
1

It's not about statistics, it's about how it gets said without little evidence. And that causes people a hell of a lot of paranoia and stress. In these types of situations it does absolutely no good to instill simply the "possibility" as everyone will run with the worst case scenario. The best way to approach it would be to ask more questions and collect more information before scaring the hell out of people.
/r/Divorce_Men18/01/24 04:13 PM
1

Ya if the kid is living at home... they aren't supporting themselves.
/r/Divorce_Men18/01/24 04:09 PM
0

Yes it's true, at least in my state (MO). I think it's common across the country though.
/r/Divorce_Men18/01/24 04:08 PM
2

That's good to hear! Good luck to you on everything!
/r/Divorce_Men18/01/24 04:07 PM
3

It's more about jumping directly to that conclusion without much in the way of evidence. And I did say "fairly common" as I know that it's a prevalent situation. But people should be a bit more reserved on jumping that conclusion with almost nothing to go on. As it tends to freak people the hell out instantly.
/r/Divorce_Men18/01/24 04:07 PM
3

You can demand a psychological evaluation (with reasons) during the custody process. As well as submit testimony's by friends and family (at least here). My wife has schizophrenia and is actually good at hiding it when needed as well. Your wife also has a history of abuse on record already, which isn't going to help her defense.
/r/Divorce_Men18/01/24 03:48 PM
1

It's 21 if they go to college in most states.
/r/Divorce_Men18/01/24 03:43 PM
1

First of all I am really really sorry for having to go through this. My wife demanded after 20yrs and I thought that was rough. But now at retirement age I couldn’t imagine dealing with that. Yes you need a formal visitation plan in place along with a custody agreement, even for the 20 year old (unless you wait to file). My daughter was 20 at the time and it seems really stupid, but it’s just how it works. A 20 year old in college also qualifies for child support until they turn 21. You can come…
/r/Divorce_Men18/01/24 03:42 PM
3

Ya like affairs. Seemingly every single person is having an affair. Sure it's fairly common, but anytime someones wife shows up home 10 minutes late from work, doesn't mean they were fucking some guy. "my wife isn't interested in sex these days" - AFFAIR!!!!! "my wife bought a new pair of shoes" - AFFAIR!!!! Coupled with "kick her ass to the curb, fuck her she's a POS and man up!" It becomes a bit nauseating and happened to me last year here. Turns out my wife really was sitting at the park... a…
/r/Divorce_Men18/01/24 03:22 PM
2

My eldest was the same way (step daughter). Once my wife started confiding in her she started texting me similar messages. She was 27, married and off on her own however. But I would've also cut her off on support if I had been doing so.
/r/Divorce_Men18/01/24 01:53 PM
2

No history of abuse, neglect or otherwise? There is no way she is going to win full custody. Without of course being able to show a track record of issues that would effect your kid (drugs, drinking etc). Her attorney maybe aggressive but he's the type that throws a bunch of shit at walls. What does your attorney say? I can't believe he hasn't calmed your concerns... O.o
/r/Divorce_Men17/01/24 01:39 PM
3

Well, don't count on this person you found being around long. The statistics are pretty dismal on how long extramarital affairs last. It's something like 80% failure rate prior to the 2 year mark. I could judge the hell out of you for even cheating on your wife, but I won't. What I will say is to make sure you really think about the integrity of this lady. Anyone who is willing to get involved with someone who is married is normally a horrible person.
/r/Divorce_Men16/01/24 05:23 PM
3

Get what you can afford that makes you happiest. Kids are resilient and only care about the quality time you spend with them. Worst case go with the one-bedroom and setup a tent in the living room, kids love tents... air mattress or cot + tent will be golden. Bonus points for stringing up some fairy lights inside.
/r/Divorce_Men16/01/24 05:05 PM
4

100%, I had that mindset until my therapist drove into my head that I am also important.
/r/Divorce_Men16/01/24 05:03 PM
1

Ya I won't disagree.
/r/Divorce_Men16/01/24 04:13 PM
3

Ya well... the last time I said anything in regards to blaming women on here my post got removed. So I am going to stick with "parents".
/r/Divorce_Men16/01/24 02:50 PM
6

I don't trust your wife. It's extremely common for parents to weaponize their children against each other. The fact that your 16 year old has been completely disconnected for so long is suspicious. What was the reason for the divorce? Depending on why and how things ended that could have some effect on how your daughter feels. If things were amicable and didn't include an affair, abuse etc. Then something more is going on here as by 16 she should be mature enough to kind of get it. Did you tell …
/r/Divorce_Men16/01/24 02:19 PM
2

Ya been in this situation and my dad took his advice. I am 44 and he hasn't been in my life in 20 years.
/r/Divorce_Men16/01/24 02:11 PM
3

I have been through this exact situation, my dad did what you are saying and we eventually disconnected completely and never reconciled. Now in my 40s I barely ever speak to him, and actually carried more anger and resentment due to him NOT trying harder. The birthday wishes and so forth quickly became a formality, and didn't mean anything to me eventually.
/r/Divorce_Men16/01/24 02:09 PM
5

"Hearsay" It's worthless in court. If she tries to tear down your character take the high road and look like the sensible / calm parent. Do not get angry and defensive, let her rant and look unstable.
/r/Divorce_Men16/01/24 02:01 PM
1

Well it's not like anyone is going to come into your new place and conduct an audit anyhow. /shrug Good luck to you on everything!
/r/Divorce_Men15/01/24 08:35 PM
1

Anything you buy now would be considered "marital property", and technically (if she pressed) it would be included in "household" goods section of the settlement paperwork. So legally she would be entitled to 1/2 of whatever you buy prior to the divorce being finalized. The question is would she even try?
/r/Divorce_Men15/01/24 07:49 PM
2

"shutting them off little by little again..." I am so sorry you are dealing with this, it sounds like a nightmare.
/r/Divorce_Men15/01/24 04:09 PM
1

I am sure it happens, just curious how. Do they send a check across the sea to somewhere else? What currency is it if so? What happens if you stop paying, can they file a report against them? Do they need to fly back to the US to go to court? Just a curiosity.
/r/Divorce_Men12/01/24 01:34 PM
1

Ya she is acting like most women in this situation. It's fairly rare to keep the peace during the process, as most people already have in their head what they are entitled to. When they don't... pure hell breaks loose. Be prepared for this to not go smoothly, extra year of alimony or not. Remember you come first!
/r/Divorce_Men11/01/24 05:38 PM
2

Ya my wife was highly educated and in a fairly prestigious career. She was NEVER wrong, and controlled every aspect of our lives. The good thing is she didn't put 27 fucking camera's up (my god). But she did freak the hell out if my phone couldn't be tracked. With therapy and boundaries... I finally got strong enough to stand up for myself. I hope OP can dig his way out of this prison.
/r/Divorce_Men11/01/24 04:34 PM
2

You need to set boundaries and stick to them. She is emotionally manipulative and abusive. Your trapped in hell and need to pull yourself out. Obviously she would know due to the 24/7 tracking, but see a therapist to help you navigate this. Mine really opened my eye's to what was going on, and helped me build up the strength to stand up for myself. Honestly it will feel liberating once you do.
/r/Divorce_Men11/01/24 04:32 PM
2

I am curious what happens in regards to alimony in general when someone isn't a US citizen and lives in another country.
/r/Divorce_Men11/01/24 02:51 PM
2

Has she always been the jealous / controlling type or has this come out of nowhere? That would be pretty telling on why this is happening. What's the nanny look like?
/r/Divorce_Men11/01/24 02:47 PM
3

DO NOT LET EMOTIONS GET INVOLVED! This is simply a financial transaction, and you cannot be worried about her reactions to not getting what she wants. She seems like a very entitled woman. If you can't work out a fair agreement, pay for an attorney. Filing pro-se only works out if the two people agree on a settlement from the start. Being so far apart on the numbers from day one means a lot of negative emotions are going to flood in. And she is not only being unreasonable but also trying to emot…
/r/Divorce_Men11/01/24 02:43 PM
3

Wait... your attorney told you that he charges a % of total assets involved in the case? I have to be reading this wrong.
/r/Divorce_Men11/01/24 02:13 PM
3

He's post leads me to believe somehow his attorney convinced him he works like a real-estate agent. I have never heard of such a thing...
/r/Divorce_Men11/01/24 02:12 PM
2

In my state one parent cannot take their child away from the other without a court order, or an agreement between parents. It's considered parental kidnapping / abduction here. I would check with your state's laws to see what can be done. What's really stupid is how this situation can work against her during a custody battle. As pulling a kid from a school and "running away" doesn't exactly make her look like a competent parent. If it were me I would layout a plan ASAP with an attorney on how to…
/r/Divorce_Men11/01/24 01:49 PM
2

You gotta do what you feel comfortable with. It's such a roll of the dice to find a solid attorney in general. Maybe setup some consultations with local ones?
/r/Divorce_Men10/01/24 03:52 PM
1

They love to give advice.
/r/Divorce_Men09/01/24 05:36 PM
3

Worst outcome depends on the state. In most alimony or spousal maintenance is calculated off of income inequality + length of marriage. However some of them will impede income if a spouse doesn't work. For instance in my state anyone able to work automatically makes minimum wage. So their "new" income is included in the calculations. Cheating also matters in some places and not in others, so unless you have documented the abuse and/or have witnesses it's worthless. Simply because it's a he said …
/r/Divorce_Men09/01/24 03:19 PM
1

I wouldn't date anyone who won't eat meat. lol It's kind of like religion and politics... not a good match.
/r/Divorce_Men08/01/24 05:52 PM
1

Ya the girls like that tend to be psycho's also. But I assume anyone willing to go on a date, then suck a dude off that night doesn't have the best values. At least it's a red flag IMO (lol). My buddy has had a hell of a time with post divorce life.
/r/Divorce_Men08/01/24 05:51 PM
2

No kidding, friends of friends seem to workout, at least if your just wanting to meet people. Rather meet someone at a casual BBQ than a club also to make sure they aren't vegans or some crap.
/r/Divorce_Men08/01/24 05:49 PM
1

omg... I would've much rather had appetizers than a staircase adventure. =D
/r/Divorce_Men08/01/24 05:48 PM
5

Just keep in mind that you are competing against perhaps thousands of men who are the same. And the women out there are swiping on hundreds and chatting with only the top few. And then out of those women only a couple are decent people. It's all luck.
/r/Divorce_Men08/01/24 05:10 PM
2

One of my buddies has a list of women he is dating. All educated, rich, and attractive. He is having a hard time choosing... My other found two in a year, both psycho's. He did get a BJ from one in a bar parking lot though.....
/r/Divorce_Men08/01/24 05:07 PM
11

Convince her to move to a "better" state. lol
/r/Divorce_Men08/01/24 05:06 PM
13

I hate that, you stop trying due to rejection then get questioned why you don't try.
/r/Divorce_Men08/01/24 05:05 PM
1

Ya so I hear it's best to find a nice lady who simply hasn't found the right man. Not one that is on divorce 3 and has 5 kids. =D
/r/Divorce_Men08/01/24 05:03 PM
1

So you type out what you want to say and it simply re-writes it in a professional manner? Does it remove questionable language? lol
/r/Divorce_Men08/01/24 05:01 PM
1

Marriage is supposed to be 50/50, so there isn't any reason divorce should be any different. Split all assets... and stop talking to your MIL. Side note... not to be harsh but the family is already broken. Staying in this stressful situation is only going to make things worse for your daughter going forward.
/r/Divorce_Men08/01/24 04:53 PM
4

You 100% need a therapist to help you navigate through this. I got one 3 days after my wife demanded a divorce and she really helped me become a stronger man. I was able to avoid manipulation, and keep my emotions in check. She also constantly reminded me that my own mental health, and my kids came first!
/r/Divorce_Men08/01/24 03:10 PM
4

100%, not that you can trust women in general (lol). But it seems like if you can find at least a 35 year old you can get a solid 10 out of her before shit goes down hill. =P Good luck to you though, don't give up!
/r/Divorce_Men08/01/24 02:26 PM
11

I have read pages of guys talking about being in the same position. It seems like takes time and a "oh fucking well" attitude as shit goes south 90% of the time. Ghosting, entitled brats, bad matches.. etc. I read some articles that on average it takes like 30+ dates to find a "real" one, and even then it's a roll of the dice. So I wouldn't get discouraged. One of my buddies has met a few, none worked out. Another one has a list of women who he can't decide from, who are hot, rich and educated. …
/r/Divorce_Men08/01/24 02:13 PM
2

I gained about 30lbs during this process and lost ALL motivation to do much of anything in life. However a few years ago I was able to lose 70lbs simply sticking with CICO. And you can sit around an play video games etc (shouldn't though). I am finally getting back into that as outside of it being tedious to log, it's fucking easy and works. Maybe try doing something like that? And from what I hear women our age on up aren't always the best options (baggage). According to some around here, men s…
/r/Divorce_Men08/01/24 02:04 PM
1

Ya I have watched some videos, and read a few books in regards to managing my wife's mental illness. It brings into question how beneficial therapy really anymore now that divorce has been paused. Not to mention dropping the money on it in general. It was VERY helpful when the divorce process started... but now everything feels like a broken record. I have an appointment this Wed.. I am really considering cancelling it for the first time. I don't want to spent cash to say my wife is still doing …
/r/Divorce_Men08/01/24 01:39 PM
18

Hell yes... that has to feel really good. Congrats!
/r/Divorce_Men05/01/24 08:36 PM
3

I'm not talking about rehashing to past with one. Just simply navigating daily life (healing), as well your next journey. As you said you already identify with old issues, no reason to do anything but move forward now. My therapist helped me cope with the "current" events, and how to prepare for the future.
/r/Divorce_Men05/01/24 05:17 PM
13

Look on the bright side... you didn't die inside of a Walmart. One broken record thing, never write off therapy. Divorce is considered one of the most traumatic things you can go through (behind the death of a child). And professional support can make a huge difference.
/r/Divorce_Men05/01/24 04:23 PM
1

What do you mean? Most modern TV's will connect to a PS5.
/r/Divorce_Men04/01/24 07:50 PM
1

Thanks, I will lower the total amount a bit. It actually seems more reasonable overall as some of these numbers look a bit inflated. My issue though is I don't get how to come up with the living expenses of both of us, since we pay for everything jointly.
/r/Divorce_Men08/06/23 11:43 AM
1

We don't have one, the entire calculation process is complicated.
/r/Divorce_Men07/06/23 07:16 PM
1

you can always give additional money to her if you want to Very true.
/r/Divorce_Men07/06/23 07:02 PM
1

How do you put in low income? Do they not verify how much money you make either? Ya it seems like they don't care what we decide on settlement wise according to my attorney. As long as it's not insanely unbalanced. I am in a good and bad position currently. Good as my stbxw simply wants this done with and won't argue. Bad due to her suffering from mental illness as this entire thing has been heartbreaking. But anyhow, I won't stress too much over it then. I probably am overthinking most of the p…
/r/Divorce_Men07/06/23 06:29 PM
2

The numbers are weird in my state due to imputing income. They also "decide" based on life factors how many hours someone can work (at min wage). As well as take into consideration work history and education. In turn we don't have a spousal maintenance calculator, just a child support one. Which is ALSO a PITA due to the persons imputed income needing to be included.... Luckily we are going no-contest and I am just throwing her what I feel is fair, but it's so confusing.
/r/Divorce_Men07/06/23 06:25 PM
2

I gotta hear more about this concern over the news... I mean no networks would run a story on some average guy who left his wife 20 years ago. O.o
/r/Divorce_Men07/06/23 06:06 PM
2

I would for sure check the sex offenders list, and court records. Both are easy to do in my state. Outside of that I don't know what could actually be done though? Obviously you can't tell her she can't date him.
/r/Divorce_Men07/06/23 05:58 PM
2

That makes sense, I couldn't see any verification going on. There already is an income one... filling out like five BS packets. Lots of things I got hung up on so far.
/r/Divorce_Men07/06/23 05:57 PM
3

So utilities, housing etc expenses don't even matter? I couldn't figure out how the hell you can even calculate each others expenses... everything is combined.
/r/Divorce_Men07/06/23 05:37 PM
2

I live in Missouri. Most of the document is pretty simple, the only thing I have income wise is my salary. But it simply ends with "all other expenses of each person", and gives the examples of things like housing, utilities etc. But it's not broken down at all. I noticed that it differed from another "overview" form I had been doing which did. This is one of the documents listed as being required on the county's website. I am kind of stuck though, I simply can't understand how you would calcula…
/r/Divorce_Men07/06/23 05:36 PM
1

wife being declared mentally incompetent and getting to treatment She suffers from Schizophrenia, which is one reason I am expected to take care of her. But she won't get treatment, and is not "officially" diagnosed. She doesn't even acknowledge anything is wrong. My therapist as well as my daughters are both pretty certain. This is one motivating factor in all of this as I actually don't think currently she could work. But I also cannot afford to take care of her and myself.
/r/Divorce_Men05/06/23 12:02 PM
2

It says 250 credit if you spend 3,000 right now (6mo). But it does seem like a really awesome card due to groceries and gas.
/r/Divorce_Men04/05/23 07:08 PM
1

The house is probably a lot more than your liquid cash and she'll come for it. Due to her disorder (paranoid personality) and my leverage (keeping my son in his school) she won't luckily. Trust me... she is sadly very messed up and doesn't trust attorney's or the court system. Refuses to use an attorney, and refuses to take this to court. She isn't bluffing either, I actually wanted to get this sorted via the courts at first (due to her expectations), and she had a complete psychological breakdo…
/r/Divorce_Men04/05/23 06:12 PM
1

The money she would use would be her total amount of the settlement she is getting, and it is in it's own separate account. So the settlement sort of says "ex gets the capital one savings account with 137k in it". We aren't splitting our assets simply 50/50. She gets the cash, I get the house. So I wonder if that will make any difference if she pulls from that prior to the divorce being finalized. I talk to my attorney tomorrow, so I will see. I have a feeling he will advise to not do it. Which …
/r/Divorce_Men04/05/23 05:30 PM
2

Ya just to defend myself, we cook "normal" food 90% of the time. lol
/r/Divorce_Men04/05/23 04:53 PM
1

Didn't she end up with less money also, or did she move it somewhere? My stbx is really worried about having as much as possible. Although she has seemingly been buying some random things. I got pissed at her and dropped 350 on my son last weekend due to a snarky comment she made. I figured if she is going to bleed some of the money to benefit herself, my kids should get something. We don't have a massive amount though as it's only something like 8k. How did she move out prior to it becoming fin…
/r/Divorce_Men04/05/23 04:51 PM
3

It's a gut punch for sure when you didn't want the divorce. =(
/r/Divorce_Men04/05/23 04:42 PM
2

30 chickens, 2 goats, birds, etc running around in a $500k house. It's so horrible it's almost funny. I picture a goat standing on the kitchen island, and a flood of chickens running down the hallway. I am going to assume they are all outside... I hope...
/r/Divorce_Men04/05/23 04:29 PM
2

which include nothing more than reasonable rent/mortgage, utilities and groceries) Wait... pedicures and manicures aren't included in that!? My stbx already told me she needed like 1100 a year to cover that.. O.o lol
/r/Divorce_Men04/05/23 04:27 PM
2

Having to pass up a increase like that is horrible. =(
/r/Divorce_Men04/05/23 04:22 PM
1

I want my stbx to take some of the settlement money she will be getting and go rent a place. She needs to gtfo before she spirals even more. The only positive I have is my state has only a 30 day waiting period until it can be signed off on. What's kind of stupid though is all transactions are tracked. But I guess either party could pull back and go to war at anytime. I am HOPING my stbx calms the fuck down mental health wise once she see's I am not going to fuck her over.
/r/Divorce_Men04/05/23 04:21 PM
1

We haven't filed yet, I go to my attorney tomorrow to actually get the paperwork going. He is going to make sure everything is in order even though we are doing it pro-se. Good point on the new card though, I didn't think about that.
/r/Divorce_Men04/05/23 03:41 PM
2

Oh OK, so income wise it won't matter with the timing if I can use my reported gross income. Which I guess technically wouldn't change because you are "paying" your ex-spouse? Do you have a venture or something else?
/r/Divorce_Men04/05/23 03:39 PM
1

I am not a "just walk it off" dad either. But FFS you can clean it, and bandage that shit up for 2.00 at home. That has to be frustrating to deal with... well see what happens when my stbx is out.
/r/Divorce_Men04/05/23 02:52 PM
3

lol, that's the traditional lazy parent line up, toss in pizza rolls as well. I have all of those things right now... my kids don't eat frozen shit much these days now that they are older. So I find myself thinking "shit that's going to go to waste", and randomly eat them after a few beers. I run out so I have to buy more the next week... After thinking about it, I think I have some issues.
/r/Divorce_Men04/05/23 02:50 PM
11

I started calling my ex “my ex” as soon as she said she wanted a divorce. Two days after my stbx blew up my world I took my ring off. She noticed and got angry and told me I was being "dramatic".... She wore hers for weeks.... I mentioned at one point "why don't you just take that off" and she said "because we are still married". Wtf... she finally did, but oddly it hurt when I saw them in the old box. This entire thing has been such a mindfuck.
/r/Divorce_Men04/05/23 02:40 PM
1

Quick question on that, if someone's spouse DID pull that shit can you step back and fight the hell out of it? My wife wants to do a no-contest and saying the same types of things. She wants to do this to do it cheap and simple. I have leverage on her also, so she is doing whatever I want right now. BUT, if she fucked with me in court I would no longer want to stick to a no-contest, and would go to war. I kind of doubt she will due to my son, but still.
/r/Divorce_Men03/05/23 02:18 PM
1

Ya this is what is hanging me up a bit on my divorce. My stbxw wants to go no-contest and simply agreeing to anything I want. The spousal maintenance terms are easy enough to get in place. But I am concerned she will eventually contest CS tipping the balance down the road. Which makes me think I should pull back some on the maintenance just in case. It's such BS, the income based increase makes sense. The "I need more money for my son!!!" thing is obnoxious as my wife will probably realize her m…
/r/Divorce_Men03/05/23 02:15 PM
5

Tell her to lawyer up and you also get your own attorney. I suggest everything that you guys agreed on to be notarized by the court. I did that and my attorney was like "why the fuck would tell her that". It's better for him to get a head start and gather everything he needs to prior.
/r/Divorce_Men03/05/23 01:56 PM
1

My question is, how far is too far for 50/50 custody from the moms house and from our kids current school? Some states have distance guidelines, other's are very lax. If that's a non-issue then it's completely up to you on what will work and what won't. But I might be misreading the question, is this legal, person opinion, or about the school district guidelines?
/r/Divorce_Men02/05/23 02:44 PM
1

She and her family post quotes and insinuations about me on social media. I don't know if you have or not but delete that shit. And at the very least unfriend, block and stay away from their toxicity. I wiped out all social media as soon as things fell apart and it made me feel a lot better.
/r/Divorce_Men01/05/23 05:37 PM
2

I haven't gotten to that point yet. But I from what I have read it seems like trying is the problem. So many people sign up on dating apps, and play this game to find someone. When all you have to do is let things flow naturally in life. Much like you did when younger... I mean I never used a dating app or "searched" for anyone back then, it just happened. Friends of friends, coming across paths with someone at an event, etc. I don't get why people are so insistent on trying so hard, only to fai…
/r/Divorce_Men01/05/23 05:30 PM
4

Have I actually demolished this woman? I'm not happy about it but it's what she wanted. I kept feeling the same way, my stbxw is also delusional and there is no way she is going to live the way she thinks. And once the money ends / runs out she is screwed. But like yours she wanted this... I have been smacked into reality (here / therapist) so many times my heads about to fall off. We aren't supposed to give a shit anymore. We have to look out for ourselves, our futures and let our ex-spouses "f…
/r/Divorce_Men01/05/23 05:20 PM
3

From what I have learned (I started researching it), a dad bod is more of a squishy physique, than a "fat" one. One that looks like you are strong, yet way better to cuddle with. There were a few articles that pointed out that men like this are viewed as a provider, and those who became a bit squishy did so because they were concentrating on their children and family, over hitting the gym 5 days a week. A lot of women went onto say that it actually flagged two things for them. One they spend a l…
/r/Divorce_Men28/04/23 12:58 PM
3

I honestly feel a tiny bit sorry for the next person my stbxw finds (if he's a good guy). She still is very attractive but turns 45 this year. She isn't going to keep father time away forever.
/r/Divorce_Men27/04/23 05:06 PM
7

The abuse has led me to believe I’m less of a man, feelings lost, and unlovable. I have also lost all trust in women due to the manipulation I have endured for so long. Is this a common feeling or am I just being overboard in my feelings? We all feel this way. In my case I put up with co-dependency for 20 years. The first several weeks I was a wreck, but due to therapy and the forum I picked myself up. None of what happened is your fault, and don't beat yourself up over staying for so long. It h…
/r/Divorce_Men27/04/23 05:03 PM
2

I know, the only positive is we are trying to work out a no-contest / pro-se. In my state there is only a 30 day waiting period.
/r/Divorce_Men27/04/23 05:00 PM
2

Oh I am sure everyone would end up in that same position.
/r/Divorce_Men27/04/23 04:58 PM
1

My wife has been hardcore working out and even lost more weight and toned up, almost too much... she also always wears yoga pants, belly shirts etc. I will say one thing though, my attraction to her since my post has faded. I don't like who she has become, and even her snotty face is pissing me off. So time and pain has helped for sure. Same here also, it's dragging on for sure. My stbxw refuses to file or go to court. So we are going no-contest. I am just waiting on my attorney to tell me what …
/r/Divorce_Men27/04/23 04:57 PM
1

We are stuck together until the house sells, or it's settled and she can get to the assets she is getting. We are on week 7 now. =(
/r/Divorce_Men27/04/23 04:53 PM
2

20 year marriage, my son is 14, daughters 21 and 27. I went over this with my therapist, and even had to do homework (worksheets). I was told to write up a script to prepare for the conversation. When it's time make sure you and your stbxw do it together. Keep things simple, and spend most of the conversation reassuring them that they will be fine. Explain the future living situations, and how "hanging out" will work. Security in this moment is way more important than what's going on between mom…
/r/Divorce_Men27/04/23 04:36 PM
2

My stbxw and I are also filing no-contest / pro-se. I plan on having my attorney do ALL of the paperwork for me. I think it's worth it, as even if my stbxw doesn't try and pull something. I don't want to fuck something up and have it kicked out to re-do.
/r/Divorce_Men27/04/23 04:25 PM
1

Ya my stbxw "thinks" she has to pay for ALL of her attorney fee's. So she refuses to go to court, as she doesn't want to burn up what she is supposed to get. She refuses to work also. But if she somehow learns that she knows she could come out far worse than what I am offering.
/r/Divorce_Men27/04/23 04:23 PM
2

Does mediation ever work? All I see is negative stories about it, and considering both people probably already know what they want (and stubborn) I don't see what the point is.
/r/Divorce_Men27/04/23 04:19 PM
1

This entire thing is weird.
/r/Divorce_Men27/04/23 04:06 PM
0

lol, I could only imagine the look on someones face.
/r/Divorce_Men27/04/23 04:03 PM
1

Not does it say how she gets the money. Could you send her like 20 bags of coins? lol
/r/Divorce_Men27/04/23 03:50 PM
1

Remember spousal support/child support isn't there to be a sole source of income. It's a supplement. She thinks it is right now.... But that sounds like a good idea, so yours isn't (court ordered) auto deducted? I didn't know how any of that worked. We hopefully will be filing no-contest and come up with our own terms. But I always thought you had no choice but it have it taken from your paychecks?
/r/Divorce_Men27/04/23 03:31 PM
1

*noted
/r/Divorce_Men27/04/23 03:28 PM
2

Thanks for explaining it. I wasn't sure due to always seeing the 50/50 comments... or simply the phrase "marital assets". And ya I try to keep my cards near zero, I use them but always pay them off. Good idea on the lost / stolen card! So do I just ban her access to the bank accounts? Then tell her to get her own?
/r/Divorce_Men27/04/23 02:47 PM
1

How much a month in total is she spending? I have no idea, she charges stuff to her card, then pays it off each month using the bank. I noticed she had some pretty large payoffs the past two months though. Although I know one of them was probably car repairs. I don't have access to her personal account though, so I am in the dark. We are filing no-contest / pro-se also, so I doubt whatever it is will matter in our case. I am just frustrated... her fucking arrogance and "essential" decisions are …
/r/Divorce_Men27/04/23 02:28 PM
1

Sweet! Thanks!
/r/Divorce_Men27/04/23 02:16 PM
1

Seriously? Why... lol
/r/Divorce_Men27/04/23 02:12 PM
2

We have our own CC's , none of them are shared. If I close mine, my credit score will drop due to their age (oldest things I have). So how do I break up the paycheck if it's all considered "marital" property? Which would keep her from some of our money? The only positive is the bank account is just in my name. I changed the PW today, waiting for a text message (lol). She doesn't have a bank card though outside of it being saved a few places online. Just her Capital One she uses. But I don't thin…
/r/Divorce_Men27/04/23 02:08 PM
1

Ya I just hope my mom is right. I have been losing some weight already at least. I never had much self-esteem though, toss in social anxiety and I am probably going to be fucked... /sigh
/r/Divorce_Men27/04/23 02:04 PM
2

I mean 18 is obviously a legal age. But my daughters are older than that, and you can still be in high school at 18. Not judging, to each their own. I just find it a bit unsettling. lol
/r/Divorce_Men27/04/23 01:45 PM
3

my mom told me Same, I am supposedly a very handsome man, even with a dad bod. Fuck yeah!
/r/Divorce_Men27/04/23 01:30 PM
3

Not a lot of conversation Do they ever actually meet you? Or do you end up dating a phone?
/r/Divorce_Men27/04/23 01:29 PM
2

18 I have seen people say that all over... how in the hell are people feeling comfortable in their 40s dating an 18 year old? O.o
/r/Divorce_Men27/04/23 01:29 PM
2

Which age will deal with dad bods? lol
/r/Divorce_Men27/04/23 01:28 PM
4

Can confirm, my stbxw turns 45 this year... GL to whoever lands her.
/r/Divorce_Men27/04/23 01:27 PM
4

Well I mean there is a cut off point...
/r/Divorce_Men27/04/23 01:25 PM
1

lol, I have three that I have to take... I guess I got that covered.
/r/Divorce_Men27/04/23 01:25 PM
2

That seems a lot worse than a manicure... lol
/r/Divorce_Men25/04/23 05:48 PM
1

I post over there a bit. But not about her "needs", funny enough my mom is furious at her. And never liked her a bit over the past 20 years. She also is thrifty, and judgy in regards to spending... even though she didn't defend spending the money. She did comment about how it's nice for women to get them and it sounded out of character... lol
/r/Divorce_Men25/04/23 01:24 PM
1

Ya she started off asking for 100% of our assets, and something like 70% of my salary. She saw an attorney, then came home rattled, she insisted on filing a no-contest, filling out the paper work that night. I backed up and said "no way, I am talking to my attorney". From that point on she has lowered her expectations each week. Now we are at week 7, and she is starting to freak out wanting this to be over. So we are filing no-contest... only I am coming up with the numbers myself and she is edg…
/r/Divorce_Men25/04/23 01:08 PM
2

lol, ya mine doesn't want to work and has a masters.
/r/Divorce_Men25/04/23 12:28 PM
1

She won't take this to court, or use legal counsel. So I am pretty much just coming up with what I want with my attorney.... I assume she is throwing in all of her needs due to knowing I am working up numbers.
/r/Divorce_Men25/04/23 12:26 PM
1

What kind of responses? I could wait a bit and do so.
/r/Divorce_Men25/04/23 12:03 PM
1

lol, ten cents... She never filled out a budget sheet as she refuses to take this to court. She just keeps "hinting" at me on the necessities she needs. Mostly due to the fact that I am coming up with my own numbers for alimony and CS (filing pro-se). I am learning as I go that I am so fucking lucky compared to many others. She won't even seek legal counsel during this. I keep going to my attorney and he's like "wtf" when I share her insistence on NOT having an attorney. I fucking told her to ge…
/r/Divorce_Men25/04/23 12:01 PM
1

Ya.. so I have learned. I am never playing this fucking game again that's for sure.
/r/Divorce_Men25/04/23 11:55 AM
1

Holyshit... lol Is that due to the other parents constantly traveling the world?
/r/Divorce_Men25/04/23 11:54 AM
2

She's going to walkaway with 140k in cash. But luckily my son and daughter both have trust funds for college. Ya I am 100% just going to do what he tells me.
/r/Divorce_Men24/04/23 07:53 PM
2

Thank Xan!
/r/Divorce_Men24/04/23 07:51 PM
1

Thank you! I am trying, I have gotten a lot of great advice from everyone for sure. I am starting to think I am very lucky compared to some at this point.
/r/Divorce_Men24/04/23 07:29 PM
2

She started out wanting 100% assets and something like 80% of my salary. I told her hell no, and that she wouldn't ever get it approved. So she went to an attorney... came home with some papers and said we can file ourselves. She wanted me to sit down at the table and fill it out... it seems like she didn't like what she heard. Since then we have had some back and fourths and she keeps lowering what she wants. Insanely she refuses to seek any legal council, and I believe it's because she doesn't…
/r/Divorce_Men24/04/23 07:27 PM
2

That is really awesome! My kids luckily are older, soon to be 15 and 21. Both have autism, and seem completely indifferent. I yelled at one of my dogs a few days ago and my son bluntly said "mommy is making you take her (he knows I don't want to)". My daughter told my stbxw that she refuses to take sides. I am HOPING I end up in a similar situation as I don't want to see any of her future partners either. But I guess it is what it is at this point, I mean I will kind of feel sorry for him anyway…
/r/Divorce_Men24/04/23 07:17 PM
2

We are going no-contest / pro-se. She refuses to go to court, use an attorney, or have a custody battle. Mainly due to not wanting to spend any of the money she's getting. And also due to having a paranoid disorder (she thinks the attorney's aren't working for her). So right now we are touching base every few days to toss settlement idea's back and forth. It's fucking weird... she is on the edge of her seat just waiting for me to commit to something. And every time we talk she backs up a bit mor…
/r/Divorce_Men24/04/23 07:13 PM
1

That is really great, and one less thing to worry about. I wish the best! I guess at the very least she is going to keep getting older.
/r/Divorce_Men24/04/23 06:36 PM
2

I keep thinking I am doing better than some, I just hope that entire perception doesn't come crashing down on me when the divorce is finalized. My son should be driving in about a year, so after that I shouldn't have to really see her. I hope I can move past everything via letting the memories fade.
/r/Divorce_Men24/04/23 06:34 PM
2

I agree, I started going through this seven weeks ago. Came here the next day and got a shit ton of support. We need a fucking meetup group to hangout and BBQ together.
/r/Divorce_Men24/04/23 05:34 PM
2

Immediate stress relief.
/r/Divorce_Men24/04/23 05:31 PM
2

Yep, spent an hour in the basement crying yesterday.
/r/Divorce_Men24/04/23 05:29 PM
3

I don't think my stbxw will regret it due to losing "ME", but she sure as hell will due to the financial hardships. And once the money runs out / stops she might actually have to fucking work... *gasp*.
/r/Divorce_Men24/04/23 05:28 PM
1

My attorney told me to always take the high road and never bad mouth my stbxw. That way I look like the level headed one, and it even helps discredit the other person. I am not in this situation though, I can imagine it's very hard to hold back.
/r/Divorce_Men24/04/23 05:22 PM
1

I get what you are saying. Do you have a good relationship with him? I would get your daughter a cheap phone with you on speed dial. Tell her when mommy leaves her home alone to text you. Then you guys can bounce messages back and forth to peace for mind. When does that I would text your son so he at very least KNOWS that she is home, even if he isn't responsible. Is your 9 year old pretty self sufficient? AKA she isn't going to burn the house down, or get hurt?
/r/Divorce_Men24/04/23 05:19 PM
1

My stbxw mentioned wanting to move out of state due to job prospects. I straight told her fuck no, and if she tried I would see her in court. She backed right off the idea. At least in my state, you cannot move your kids at all without a signed agreement, not even down the street.
/r/Divorce_Men24/04/23 05:06 PM
1

I still cook for four, but soon will be in the same boat. I have been thinking about that a lot as well. Funny enough I keep picturing myself rolling out the grill, popping a cold one and throwing brats and burgers on... I mean obviously you can't do that everyday LOL
/r/Divorce_Men24/04/23 05:04 PM
8

I completely know how you feel. I came across a few mementos this past weekend myself. Including a "key" to her heart that she gave me 20 years ago. I still have to clean out and pack up my house, and very worried about what I will come across. It's like she fucking died, but I guess in way she did. I ended up in my basement crying for an hour. Stay strong friend, and just remember MANY of us here are in the same stage, going through the same emotions.
/r/Divorce_Men24/04/23 05:02 PM
3

That is very interesting, and both comforting and scary. My STBXW and I are still living together, but that final day is coming closer. I just wish my kids were a little bit older during this, as I am sure I will see her now and then. But I already see a different person, and being stuck with her I think helped me "dislike" her, over just missing her if she were gone.
/r/Divorce_Men24/04/23 04:57 PM
6

Thanks friend! I really do appreciate the well wishes.
/r/Divorce_Men24/04/23 04:47 PM
8

I have noticed that, especially in regards to the alimony and child support numbers. I told her at the start that I would make sure the kids were taken care of. Which she obviously thought meant her as well by proxy. She keeps twisting that and throwing it in my face during our touch and go discussions. I told her "I am not supporting you, you will be my ex-wife" and she just keeps rattling on. The good thing is that she has backed down some out of desperation. She tried at the start for me to a…
/r/Divorce_Men24/04/23 04:37 PM
11

Almost 20 years here. I somehow managed though to be married to a woman who refuses to go to court. As well as have a custody battle. She wants ME to tell her how CS and Alimony I am willing to pay... and then we file pro-se... There are a few reasons though. One she doesn't want to burn through the liquid assets she is getting. Two I am the only route to keeping my son in his school. So she is throwing 50/50 custody at me. And now even more recently told me to "take the damn house", as she want…
/r/Divorce_Men24/04/23 03:17 PM
8

So if this ends up in court I can list out the random spending she does? That DUI thing is really fucked up... I am so glad to hear she got smacked into reality.
/r/Divorce_Men24/04/23 03:12 PM
3

I don't like seeing them. I use to get a lot of "fun marriage" tiktoks due to my wife sending them to me, and I had to delete my account. When I see people out, or even "fake" happy marriages on TV, I get slammed with negative emotions. I am only 7 weeks post the D word though, and I am hoping that fades soon as it's kind of fucked up.
/r/Divorce_Men24/04/23 12:28 PM
1

Ya we have a way to allow either spouse regardless of the custody split to claim or not. But of course both people have to agree to it.
/r/Divorce_Men24/04/23 12:19 PM
7

I am going through the same thing. And she keeps telling me she is going to do XYZ, things that DO NOT fucking take 3 hours.. but I try to just ignore it. What makes this even worse though is I hate the fact that she thinks I am an idiot. And I always have the urge to "check". But I hold myself back, which I am proud of. Funny enough the house I think she was at, I found out who lived there (he use to go to the university she taught at). I made a comment the other night "do you know so and so fr…
/r/Divorce_Men18/04/23 12:53 PM
2

I am in the same position, had the same dilemma and even posted about it. After chatting on here, and with my therapist I learned one thing. My STBXW is not my fucking problem. Her problems aren't my problems... and if she can't support my kids... I will. But I do know that isn't an option for everyone. However I had to really work on overcoming the "take care of her" mindset. She will be my ex-wife... and she can be an adult and take care of herself.
/r/Divorce_Men14/04/23 07:51 PM
1

Thank you very much!
/r/Divorce_Men14/04/23 01:31 PM
1

It does, luckily it seems like a lot of guys agree. Although there are also a lot that say "its someone else's turn" or "who cares". I don't know if I am just the overly jealous type or not. But thinking about her with someone new hurts. It's not even fully about sex either.. it's the love and admiration they would be receiving. Now she probably will trick them a bit... and most likely try to manipulate. So it's kind of like GLHF bro... but again I know it will burn a bit when it happens. I also…
/r/Divorce_Men14/04/23 11:56 AM
1

Ya I am going to have to keep that all in mind. I do not want to give her the satisfaction of destroying me. =(
/r/Divorce_Men13/04/23 07:40 PM
1

Ya I was the direct opposite. I became co-dependent and she manipulated me constantly. My value revolved around taking care of her and my kids. As weird as it sounds I am already starting to feel lost. My main thing is I need to fucking knock that shit off or I am going to end up in the same position again. My therapist already has started in on my boundary issues luckily.
/r/Divorce_Men13/04/23 06:24 PM
2

Ya... that sounds fucking gross. lol
/r/Divorce_Men13/04/23 06:20 PM
2

Thank you! And you are right, I have to keep reminding myself how fucked up she is. Sometimes I even will straight backtrack and think "maybe it's me". As she constantly now talks about how she is a victim. Which caused me in a few occasions to try and "figure out" the settlement to help her... it's a big mindfuck. But she is NOT good for me... I really do deserve someone who respects me.
/r/Divorce_Men13/04/23 06:17 PM
1

Oh I meant in general it was moot (man vs woman), not the actual situation. And ya looking back on it, it's fucked up. I never even considered that back then, and thought I was being kind. Not preparing her to find someone else. Ya my STBXW want's 100% of our assets, and something like 80% of my salary. She legit thinks she will get that because my mom has money... and if she doesn't I am hurting our kids. Funny enough she finally went and saw an attorney.. that evening she had a packet to fill …
/r/Divorce_Men13/04/23 04:59 PM
1

Ya we are stuck until the house sells as we both need the equity in order to move on. I am trying to stay as positive as I can, and distracted. This as you know fucking sucks.
/r/Divorce_Men13/04/23 04:33 PM
1

I have been a bit surprised on how much it has helped. I was so lucky to get into one two days after my wife dropped the bomb. At first though I would walk out of there more confident, and determined. Then after a few hours at home around my STBXW (yes we co exist) I would crumble into a weak mess again. Recently I finally am able to keep the strength up MUCH longer. This sub has helped me a lot also.
/r/Divorce_Men13/04/23 04:15 PM
1

No idea then... I wrote her "bad memory" off as GS. But then again she also would tell me my memory was always bad... so it prob WAS gas lighting.
/r/Divorce_Men13/04/23 03:35 PM
1

I think about the rebound thing, although I do know it's highly advised to wait a year before dating. But I am going to assume it's different for each person. I don't think it would fuck me up, and I for sure know better than to drag in baggage. BUT... I do have to make sure I am mentally sound and luckily in therapy.
/r/Divorce_Men13/04/23 03:31 PM
1

That explains a lot in regards to her "forgetfulness" when it came to anything she said or did in the past. I would bring up something she said the day prior even and she would become very dead set on the "truth". But it makes a bit more sense that she might've actually believed it, although how can you tell the difference between personal belief, and straight gas lighting?
/r/Divorce_Men13/04/23 02:22 PM
1

Thanks bro!
/r/Divorce_Men13/04/23 02:01 PM
2

emotional connection That is very important to me as well.
/r/Divorce_Men13/04/23 02:00 PM
1

Thanks man!
/r/Divorce_Men13/04/23 02:00 PM
1

Do they consider 35 older? I don't know what age cut off qualifies.
/r/Divorce_Men13/04/23 01:58 PM
1

Ya I know my STBXW is going to be a nightmare over time to deal with. It's going to be heavy guilt for sure. AND I got a feeling she is going to try and hit me up for money... due to car breaking down etc. Then... guilt me "our son can't get to XYZ". I became co-dependent as she has ALWAYS manipulated me. Guilt works... sadly my mom does it also, although she is more subtle. I have issues... but luckily this exact topic is what my therapist is working with me on. Fucking boundaries.
/r/Divorce_Men13/04/23 01:57 PM
1

Ya I think so as well. My wife has a lot of issues, baggage and personality flaws. But the way this transpired, as well as the "walkaway" similarities makes me think she went into panic mode. She is a few years older also (turning 45), and for sure is trying to hold onto her "youth". I am so fucking hurt though HOW she went about everything... I get it, people end up unhappy. But FFS have some damn compassion... not only that stop being so fucking entitled... I guess that's normal though.
/r/Divorce_Men13/04/23 01:52 PM
1

Ya when I started thinking about everything I simply assumed I would be stuck between 40-50 for women. And that younger people wouldn't desire anyone that is 43. Now personally I wouldn't feel comfortable going very low... but it's nice to know that the bracket is a bit wider.
/r/Divorce_Men13/04/23 01:49 PM
1

I wasn't sure how some women looked at "recently divorced men". I figured no one would even give you the time of day. Mostly because you obviously failed in a major relationship, and they don't why. I don't want to ever get married again. I figure if I love someone and build a solid relationship that I don't need a paper to prove it. I also don't see myself wanting to live with another woman either. That smashes the fuck out of the excitement factor, which I learned the hard way. I had no idea a…
/r/Divorce_Men13/04/23 01:47 PM
1

I have never heard of that book before. I will look it up.
/r/Divorce_Men13/04/23 01:39 PM
1

Oh no it's fine, I appreciate your thoughts and support. My biggest issue with my son is he has autism. He is high functioning and gifted (Mensa level), but his social skills and emotional understanding is lacking. I am sure he will "get" what the hell is going on. But he also will believe anything mommy tells him (yes he calls her mommy at 15). That situation for me anyways makes this scarier as I spend a ton of time with him doing hobbies. You would say "that speaks for itself", but he is atyp…
/r/Divorce_Men13/04/23 01:24 PM
1

My dogs are similar as they are a PITA.
/r/Divorce_Men13/04/23 01:14 PM
1

Thanks for that. And ya I know my wife is going to have a tough time finding someone who enjoys her conversations. I never did, our family and friends didn't either (I could tell). She was a professor, so when she talks to people she "lectures", and when you disagree she just becomes more adamant. She also was in the social sciences, so the topics tend to be social issues, women's rights etc. We seriously got in a fucking argument over M&M shoes.. (loss of heals on one). If I think about all of …
/r/Divorce_Men13/04/23 01:13 PM
1

I don't have any personal goals yet.. I have a few hobbies that I will have more time to spend on. But I don't even know what a personal goal really as, as for the past 20 years I have just been trying to support my family.
/r/Divorce_Men13/04/23 01:09 PM
1

I think partly due to all of the negative emotions right now, and partly due to psych issues in general. Obviously I am not even ready to date, but I wanted to hold onto hope for the future. As I do not want to be always alone... which is probably due to never being alone since I was 16. As I never went more than a month without dating someone new. WHICH... in it's own right is an issue.
/r/Divorce_Men13/04/23 01:08 PM
1

(didn't DV you btw) I do have esteem issues, I have always had them going back to grade school. Mostly because of gynomastia, (man tits) which I got made fun of for. I did get surgery in junior high, which was miserable. But they came back and I was like "fuck that"... once I met my wife, it was less of an issue for me. But even today I have to wear the right shirts. And I do have a therapist luckily, but we are currently centered on this divorce situation. But I hope to switch things up eventua…
/r/Divorce_Men13/04/23 01:06 PM
1

Ya people have mentioned an escort to me... that seems sketch. And to be honest I know down the road I will be more interested in casual companionship, than purely sex.
/r/Divorce_Men13/04/23 01:02 PM
1

I paid for a woman's surgery but that's a moot point (lol). And ya she doesn't / didn't work, I got inheritance... she started coming up with shit we needed... including her "personal" shit. She was in a good shape, had a tight body EXCEPT the extra skin from 3 kids. So I kind of understood. But it retrospect I was fucking blind. My kids are older now (15/20/27). So it's been awhile as my two youngest were never in clubs, sports etc (autism). I am about to have WAY LESS money, and will not to be…
/r/Divorce_Men13/04/23 01:00 PM
1

Ya she already twisted herself into the victim. And spreading a bunch of BS about me trying to attack my character. I am really lucky though that we don't share the same associates / friends in life. And her family isn't exactly close with her, so IDGAF about them. So she can go do whatever she wants... the only concerning thing is what she will tell my kids.
/r/Divorce_Men13/04/23 12:43 PM
1

My STBXW is also a headcase... like she HAS to have a personality disorder. The types of accusations and crazy shit I have dealt with is borderline "hospital" level. But ya MOST people aren't super excited to be around her. Mostly due to her going on and on over academia and social issues (she was a professor). We don't have any friends or family that talk about that crap. Toss in a few glasses of wine and it gets worse.. and louder. She is exhausting and I keep needing to remind myself of that.…
/r/Divorce_Men13/04/23 12:41 PM
2

Wow... are you currently on the hook for alimony?
/r/Divorce_Men13/04/23 12:25 PM
1

Women age like milk Men age like wine. I didn't give that any thought until yesterday actually when someone else said that. It did make me feel better. My STBXW is fighting a losing battle... and even with my beard turning grey I feel like I am doing fine.
/r/Divorce_Men13/04/23 12:24 PM
1

Thanks for the inspiration!
/r/Divorce_Men13/04/23 12:16 PM
1

More hateful still sounds like a victory. And ya I will look into that, I had a setup when I was younger and of course burned out on it. But I didn't have the type of motivation as I do now. Plus I need the stress relief in general.
/r/Divorce_Men13/04/23 12:15 PM
2

I do take two BP meds (lisinopril and metroprolol). However I have suffered from social anxiety life long. I don't think either of those two made it worse. I am hoping to change my therapy focus off of this divorce BS once it's over. Maybe I can get better help than in the past.
/r/Divorce_Men13/04/23 12:12 PM
5

Last August, prior. 17k... she did have a lot of loose skin from 3 kids. I knew she had always been self conscious about it so I agreed. Ever since things seemingly felt more and more "off"... Not shocking at this point.
/r/Divorce_Men13/04/23 12:10 PM
2

lol, that always seems sketchy to me... especially in regards to STD's... even with a condom I would be anxious.
/r/Divorce_Men13/04/23 12:08 PM
1

Sadly I dated my wife only a few months before moving her in (naive 21 year old). I thought I was a fucking hero because she was struggling. Put 100% of everything into our lives over the next 20. Now she wants 100%... and using my youngest as leverage. Ya I will NEVER get married again! LTR is good enough without the paperwork... if that even happens.
/r/Divorce_Men13/04/23 12:07 PM
3

My STBXW is also extremely picky when it comes to people in general. I was thinking how hard it's going to be for her to find someone that's "good enough". Her narrow field of more unique interests will be very limiting.
/r/Divorce_Men13/04/23 11:39 AM
2

=) Thank you!
/r/Divorce_Men13/04/23 11:37 AM
2

Thanks man, I really appreciate the boost.
/r/Divorce_Men12/04/23 07:39 PM
4

I am 100% sure we won't even waiver on the terms she wants. Even if I caught her with some guy in my kitchen. She is using my son against me now and his well being. AKA she needs all the money to keep him in his school (so she can buy a new house). If I don't give it to her, I am hurting my son. Typical BS. I get what you are saying though. I am just so worn down at this point to deal with all that.
/r/Divorce_Men12/04/23 07:39 PM
2

She changed her mind for about 2 days... then decided we should still get divorced but wanted to wait until June (son done with school). I went to an attorney and have everything well laid out now. She never came to terms to the fact that she won't get what she wants.... She also "thinks" we are going to do this no-contest together. Which I assume is partly due to wanting to bully me at the dinner table. There is no fucking way I would do that. Her shady behavior has continued. I notice a lot of…
/r/Divorce_Men12/04/23 07:24 PM
2

I gave up on trying to find out... at one point I realized it was just too stressful to deal with the spy game. Plus I live in a no-fault, and some of the only ways I probably could have caught her was via recordings. The problem is I live in a one party state... AKA it's a felony to plant something. I also didn't want to follow her or anything... then she could say I was stalking her. Not to mention most of the time she leaves for hours is while I am at work, and I work an hour away... etc etc …
/r/Divorce_Men12/04/23 06:57 PM
3

That's an interesting way to look at it. I imagine we had sex thousands of times... and to be honest I don't even know if it was THAT good... my wife was fairly non-adventurous... and due to three kids fairly... umm... put it this way, in missionary I felt sometimes like I was fucking the air. I never really thought of things in that way... O.o
/r/Divorce_Men12/04/23 06:52 PM
0

Wait what... Step 1: go get some whores? Step 2: profit? lol
/r/Divorce_Men12/04/23 06:49 PM
2

You even got the bonus of a walking like a cowboy... O.o I need to go buy a horse. In all seriousness that kind of sounds like it sucks, I always noticed how much riding all the time fucks up the body. My grandpa was very bow legged from it.
/r/Divorce_Men12/04/23 06:48 PM
1

Thank you for the inspiration!
/r/Divorce_Men12/04/23 06:46 PM
2

LOL, yep. My wife said "I didn't feel like she was working for me". This is after she straight told me I was correct on one thing... she thought due to my soon to be 21 year old (high functioning autistic) daughter could get fucking lifetime child support....... She takes college classes, has a job, and a steady boyfriend... After she came home she had a packet. Wanted me to sit down after dinner and fill everything out so we could do no-contest. The only issue is she thinks she should get 100% …
/r/Divorce_Men12/04/23 06:30 PM
1

Ya I didn't anything out of that tummy tuck either. Once she fully healed up, and looked amazing that was pretty much it. But ya they sound the same, I have suspicions that my wife is a narcissist. If not she has some kind of personality disorder... but ya they seem to be both fighting a losing battle.
/r/Divorce_Men12/04/23 06:25 PM
2

Thanks for the inspiration! And congrats!
/r/Divorce_Men12/04/23 06:23 PM
1

Do you wear cowboy style clothing and talk with an accent? Because if so... that's unfair BS also.
/r/Divorce_Men12/04/23 06:21 PM
1

I don't know how old you are but... I am going to assume dating a 23 year old is a fairly "brief" experience. But ya the gym thing... I need to do that.
/r/Divorce_Men12/04/23 06:20 PM
3

Awesome to hear! It seems like the cliche "hit the gym" saying is real.
/r/Divorce_Men12/04/23 06:13 PM
2

Thanks for sharing that, it makes me feel better. I am already seeing more of her ugly side now... she pretty much has made it clear how she expects this to end. And it won't... she doesn't really know anything though, because for some stupid ass reason she only got 1 free consultation, and it seems like that person told her shit she didn't wanna hear. With that being said the storm is just on the horizon, and shit is going to get VERY nasty. So I imagine I am going to look at her way differentl…
/r/Divorce_Men12/04/23 06:12 PM
4

I more than welcome it personally as you just gave me some real insight on what happens. She is going to have a rough time, I guess most of my thoughts ended up purely superficial. Of course I don't like the idea of some random guy showing up around my kids. But I also can't control what the fuck she does. That does sound like hell for women though... I never really knew that.
/r/Divorce_Men12/04/23 06:09 PM
2

Thanks!
/r/Divorce_Men12/04/23 06:05 PM
4

Thank you very much! That is pretty damn inspiring for me. Especially the last part.. I know I am a decent human being, and go above and beyond to be kind. Hopefully that will help me out eventually.
/r/Divorce_Men12/04/23 06:00 PM
2

I guess I should be grateful I am a man in this situation. It finally clicked for me how much better we "usually" age overall. Even a few extra pounds seems way less of a big deal than for a women. Watching my STBXW panic during aging has been mind blowing. She really ramped up things after her fucking tummy tuck... that of course I paid for (she doesn't work). The way she carries herself is insane now. But... ya she can't win, and I imagine by age 50 her self esteem may take a dive.
/r/Divorce_Men12/04/23 05:59 PM
2

Ya I realize that I shouldn't rush out to fill the void ASAP. Luckily I read enough around here for that to sink in. Single life scares me though... but I have never been single longer than a few months since age 16. I usually found a replacement right away when younger, but back then that was purely due to sex. So it's probably a lot easier to handle when older. I do know that since all this happened my libido plummeted. Which is probably a good thing.
/r/Divorce_Men12/04/23 05:55 PM
2

You had me until COWBOY... wtf... you are some strong competition... lol
/r/Divorce_Men12/04/23 05:52 PM
3

The few guys that do approach her are mostly single for a reason (criminal record, much older, disabled, alcoholics, unattractive, etc.) So I guess it helps NOT being those things, as well as not creepy AND honest. It's good to know what I will be up against... lol
/r/Divorce_Men12/04/23 05:51 PM
1

lol
/r/Divorce_Men12/04/23 05:49 PM
1

I was lucky enough to find a decent therapist 2 days after my wife bombed me. But of course the topics have been centered around getting through all this BS. She did say she could help me with the anxiety though when I was ready. I guess maybe I should kind of dip into that since I need to find other things to do.
/r/Divorce_Men12/04/23 05:47 PM
3

That's a good point!
/r/Divorce_Men12/04/23 05:46 PM
3

I am not yet official and won't even consider checking things out until it's over. I am 43 (in may) and it seems a bit weird to drop down to 23... lol
/r/Divorce_Men12/04/23 05:45 PM
2

Ya I was thinking the same. I am trying to keep that on my mind, and anytime I start to think about the future, fall back on how much someone will be screwed IF they get into a committed relationship with her.
/r/Divorce_Men12/04/23 05:43 PM
1

Thank you, that is really well said.
/r/Divorce_Men12/04/23 05:42 PM
4

Thanks for that! Ya I didn't really give much thought to the "can't outrun father time" aspect. And the fact that we last much longer in the desirable arena (with some effort). She spends a lot of time and money (doesn't work) on keeping her appearance up. Even with alimony and CS there is no way she is going to afford that lifestyle anymore... not unless she gets a fucking job. Designer purses... shoes... clothes... I really didn't think about all that. I treated her like a princess and she nop…
/r/Divorce_Men12/04/23 03:26 PM
2

I think I have a set with plates around. That is a really good idea as it would allow me to go into the basement and distress! And I think doing that a bit will help me prior to the gym. Oh and I don't care about the gym comparison thing... it's just going into a crowded area and awkwardly trying to use machines etc... lol
/r/Divorce_Men12/04/23 03:11 PM
6

Ya I wish I could completely detach, but stuck with dealing with her due to my 15 year old. I guess in someways I am lucky he isn't like 6 or something, hopefully he drives in a year then I prob will never see her unless he has some special event.
/r/Divorce_Men12/04/23 03:06 PM
2

=) Thanks!
/r/Divorce_Men12/04/23 02:54 PM
1

Thank you! Testosterone levels? Does that feed into anxiety issues? Ya I ran the gamut of medications during my life. Some triggered psychosis... I am bi-polar so I have to stick to a stabilizer. It doesn't help with the anxiety (obviously). But you are right no one gives a shit I am sure.
/r/Divorce_Men12/04/23 02:53 PM
2

Thank you very much!
/r/Divorce_Men12/04/23 02:50 PM
3

Thank you!
/r/Divorce_Men12/04/23 02:49 PM
6

I am the same way, I don't think I am horrible looking BUT I need to tone down the dad bod a bit.... well more than a bit I guess. And ya a 6/10, kind loving person would blow away anything missing those attributes. And 6/10 doesn't mean ugly of course... lol Good luck on your weight loss journey, and the dating game!
/r/Divorce_Men12/04/23 02:48 PM
6

Probably possessiveness, with a bucket of jealousy. All of the unhealthy reasons, none of which should matter. Ya I never put much thought into how much easier men have it in the aging game. My greying beard actually looks good... her grey hairs are causing her to lose her fucking mind. Which is leading to me spending a shit ton of money at salons. Tummy tuck... expensive makeup and skin care products... the amount of money I have to spend monthly to keep father time in check is fucked up.
/r/Divorce_Men12/04/23 02:26 PM
7

Thank you, that makes me feel better! I never thought about how the men she will probably line up will only want to fuck her. And I don't think she actually would want that, at least long term. She was in academia (professor), highly educated, and very unwavering on her social issue opinions. It gets fucking annoying... so she is better than everyone else... smarter... etc. Something I didn't think about is how horrible she gets when drunk. She ends up super loud, talking about topics no one giv…
/r/Divorce_Men12/04/23 02:23 PM
3

I want to hit a gym but I am so fucking introverted and suffer from social anxiety... that is NOT helping for sure. =( Thanks for the book suggestions! I will go check them out.
/r/Divorce_Men12/04/23 02:19 PM
7

Well said for sure, thanks!
/r/Divorce_Men12/04/23 02:18 PM
12

Well said, thank you. She is going to step in also with a lot of annoying BS if someone gets serious with her. If they don't perfectly match up with her ideologies... they are fucked.
/r/Divorce_Men12/04/23 02:17 PM
2

Ya my wife and I should've NEVER made it to year 20 to be honest. I figured that out after I did some self-reflecting after therapy. I also realized that I became co-dependent, and she constantly manipulated me with guilt. I mean we raised three kids, and have a lot of great memories... but dealing with her daily BS isn't healthy obviously. She's just... fucking hot. I think what makes it worse is how drastically she rebounded from the middle of our marriage. She is back to the size she was at 2…
/r/Divorce_Men12/04/23 02:12 PM
1

I guess you are right, but I learned day one of the bomb aftermath what the fuck she was expecting. And this obviously just began... she is fucking insane. My attorney did say though that she can't get what she wants... without she can't move on with the life she wants. So that makes me feel better at least.
/r/Divorce_Men12/04/23 02:04 PM
6

Thank you man! Trying to fight father time does give me a bit of peace. And considering it's more common for women in general to lose their minds over it... she's going to have it much worse than myself. I like seeing grey coming into my beard, it's looks great. She saw some strands showing up and freaked the fuck out... ends up dying it every month now which costs me a few hundred a pop. You story is hilarious... what the fuck was she thinking? lol
/r/Divorce_Men12/04/23 02:02 PM
3

Ya I guess she is 44 now... I mean you can't beat aging. I know she has become somewhat concerned over lines, and having to dye her hair due to some grey coming in already. So she is kind of becoming OCD about things. And unless she finds a man to open his wallet... she won't be able to afford the things she wants to help delay it. Thanks for pointing that out!
/r/Divorce_Men12/04/23 01:59 PM
1

Thanks, I had no idea. I doubt this will get mediated though, my wife is out for blood and shows no signs of compromise. She even is using my son against me now in regards to the $$$. I really fucking hate her at this point... but I guess that's not a bad thing heading into war.
/r/Divorce_Men12/04/23 01:17 PM
1

I hope so.. I just really don't want to be alone the rest of my life watching her living it up. That fucks with my head more than anything.
/r/Divorce_Men12/04/23 01:15 PM
1

My STBXW want's 100% of our assets and 0% of the debt also. We don't have very much debt though, I think around 3500. I am wondering if I agree to it that it will make me look better?
/r/Divorce_Men12/04/23 12:59 PM
1

I hadn't read that yet, thanks for sharing it. I know my wife is going full in with a character attack. I am not a perfect person by any means, but some of the things she has said is either twisted or straight BS. It's good to know that you shouldn't respond, that makes it seem much less stressful. I have a lot on her also... my attorney did say to just toss my list and leave it alone. As it could backfire, and make it look like she is unable to hold a job.
/r/Divorce_Men12/04/23 12:58 PM
1

You had no idea your ex was going to be that way?
/r/Divorce_Men12/04/23 12:52 PM
1

My STBXW is going for 100% of our assets, and 80% of my salary... she can't win that. She NEEDS every penny of our assets though in order to buy a house and live happily ever after... I am hoping as she watches our accounts drain she gets a wake up call. I lose it also... but whatever at this point, I just want to watch her start freaking out.
/r/Divorce_Men12/04/23 12:50 PM
6

Ya my wife has been preparing for this for a LONG time. She somehow convinced me to pay for a tummy tuck last summer... then hit the gym... then bought a new wardrobe.. then dropped the bomb on me. So she for sure is looking for an upgrade... the only positive thing is that she is annoying as fuck. She thinks she is smarter than everyone, and has very high "intellectual" standards. I imagine every guy who pursues her just wants to fuck her. And not debate social issues with someone who is always…
/r/Divorce_Men12/04/23 12:43 PM
1

don’t waste a lot of time texting. a few back and forth s and move straight to “hey you seem cool, i would like to have a casual code date with you to get to know you better” or “hey you seem cool, can i call you on the phone to get to know you better?” Ya my buddy has been chatting with a great on paper match for over a few weeks. He finally went out with her last night (I need to text him). But he told me that he straight ran out of shit to say... I was trying to figure out how people chatted …
/r/Divorce_Men12/04/23 12:39 PM
1

That will be fairly easy then. She doesn't work either... because of her reasons...
/r/Divorce_Men11/04/23 05:30 PM
1

My son is coming up on 15, so I would hope making some "abuse" allegations would allow him to be questioned. But she is talking about moving in with my eldest about 10 miles away. She for sure isn't going to run for it, her main goal in all of this is to keep him from changing schools. I need to setup an appointment with my attorney today, as this is all becoming messy already. I was hoping things could stay calm for awhile, but considering I will not be sitting down and doing whatever paperwork…
/r/Divorce_Men11/04/23 03:05 PM
2

Great... thanks!
/r/Divorce_Men11/04/23 02:03 PM
1

You need to file before she moves to maximize custody with your son. She can move, but kiddo stays with you. So she can't actually take him with her? I do know when I file, she is going to to leave immediately. I guess on one hand that's good... but I also know as mentioned she is dragging my son with her. However, my son MAY want to go as he for sure is very attached to her. I need to fucking obviously stop screwing around and make an appointment.
/r/Divorce_Men11/04/23 12:37 PM
1

She cannot deny you access to your child. So lets say she moves out tonight... she legally can't ban me from him?
/r/Divorce_Men11/04/23 12:08 PM
1

Thanks for the advice! How long does it usually take for her to actually be served?
/r/Divorce_Men11/04/23 12:07 PM
1

Luckily my daughter only lives 10 minutes away in the same state.
/r/Divorce_Men11/04/23 12:03 PM
1

Will do, that finally "clicked" for me after that last conversation. It took me awhile though.. Ya I think she kind of learned that things wouldn't turn out the way she wanted if this went to trial. She got a free consultation with one attorney awhile back. Came home with papers so we could just agree on shit ourselves... I refused. She told me that she didn't feel like the attorney was working "for her". AKA she got smacked into reality.
/r/Divorce_Men11/04/23 12:02 PM
1

Thanks, and I feel bad for everyone else here as well. Getting to this point really drives home on how hard it is.
/r/Divorce_Men11/04/23 12:00 PM
1

I have been recording every interaction, so far there have only been a few "weird" conversations. As such she is extremely paranoid. And ya when she finds out she for sure ISN'T winning... ugh...
/r/Divorce_Men11/04/23 11:58 AM
1

Thank you for the slap. And I have NO ISSUES giving her 1/2 of our assets. It's her BS "needing" 100% in order to support my son. And if she doesn't get it... I am hurting him. I also don't mind paying alimony and CS, I was never freaked out about that. Partly due to only paying 6 years on my son if he goes to college (he will). And ya her education (Masters) and work history (prestigious institutions) trumps anything I have (associates). It's been 4 years since she worked.. and she says she can…
/r/Divorce_Men11/04/23 11:56 AM
1

One of really shitty issues is that my son is starting to become effected by all this. He overheard of course some of the arguments in the past, and due to being autistic he's having issues processing things. I tried to get him to go a few places and he seems to have become withdrawn. He doesn't seem super excited about my STBXW either, but she for sure has a lot more influence. It REALLY sucks seeing everything falling apart... luckily my oldest (20) seems more understanding... although she is …
/r/Divorce_Men10/04/23 07:44 PM
1

As soon as she is served she most likely is going to move out. I can't see her staying in her state of mind, which is a good thing I suppose. But ugh, I guess saying "this sucks" around her is a bit pointless, as everyone knows. I do run a recorder whenever we are close to each... luckily.
/r/Divorce_Men10/04/23 07:32 PM
1

Ya I haven't ever done anything to him outside of shared hobbies and play games. I have been running a recording each time I know we will be even near each other.
/r/Divorce_Men10/04/23 07:31 PM
1

I thought maybe her losing her shit when we were not living together would be easier to deal with?
/r/Divorce_Men10/04/23 07:29 PM
3

I am going to NOT speak to her again about this. I guess she tossed that out there to try and manipulate me. I hate fucking living with her... I still don't know what to do. I wasn't rushing around with this, although I did meet with my attorney. But I wasn't in a panic filing situation, mostly due to not feeling unsafe. But I do know IF she gets served things are going to get VERY bad. There is a chance she might straight up move out, but who knows. Obviously I shouldn't be talking to her, so I…
/r/Divorce_Men10/04/23 07:06 PM
1

Jesus... how do you do that? I guess maybe she will leave the day of... but she will lose her shit when she finds out.
/r/Divorce_Men10/04/23 06:50 PM
3

Hopefully you've consulted with an attorney. I personally would not let her "take your son and move out" without a temporary custody agreement/parenting plan in place. I didn't know how that worked. I have an attorney luckily and spoke to him about everything. But that was a week ago or so (not this). I have a feeling as soon as she knows she might just leave regardless. She is now blaming me for everything to make a point as to why she needs everything.
/r/Divorce_Men10/04/23 06:49 PM
1

Ugh, sorry to hear that!
/r/Divorce_Men10/04/23 06:43 PM
1

She is really delusional for sure. Not only has she become a victim, but thinks she "deserves" everything we have. Assets, full custody, massive alimony etc. I gotta wonder once she doesn't win what she thinks, what person she will see in the mirror.
/r/Divorce_Men10/04/23 02:40 PM
2

New chapter as in, alone. There is no way I would go back at this point. I was hopeful the first 2 weeks, and then finally came to the realization that it was indeed over. And ya I have heard that as well... I don't know how people do it, never knowing if at any moment it could happen again.
/r/Divorce_Men10/04/23 02:25 PM
–

I met up with an old friend over the weekend for lunch. It has been 2 years since I had seen him, and 15+ since we hung out alone. It was nice to know I still have people out there to rely on for support. Especially outside my mother... who is out for blood now pushing me to destroy my wife.
/r/Divorce_Men10/04/23 12:49 PM
1

I was standing out in my yard yesterday, just staring for a few hours. I just had a new amazing deck built. And a bunch of mature tree's planted last summer. I was walking around looking at them to see how they survived the winter. Then it kind of hit me... this won't be my home much longer. It fucking hurt and caused me to tear up.
/r/Divorce_Men10/04/23 12:46 PM
1

My wife has a personality disorder (suspect narcissistic) and was super sweet when we met. I got sucked in at a naive 22. She quickly changed, caused me to become co-dependent, and emotionally manipulated me for 20 years. Outside of my kids is was a HUGE FUCKING MISTAKE. Now she is trying to take everything from me.
/r/Divorce_Men10/04/23 12:42 PM
1

As someone said use your phone. There are a bunch of options on there, some free that work pretty well. I turn my on, then keep my phone in my pocket at all times. She doesn't know my pin code. If she says anything "weird", I upload the clip to the cloud for a double copy. Make sure you are in a one-party state though.
/r/Divorce_Men10/04/23 12:28 PM
1

I am doing that myself currently, it works pretty well and there is no way she can unlock and see it.
/r/Divorce_Men10/04/23 12:25 PM
2

My wife told me to leave a month ago and threatened to change the locks. I laughed and said it was illegal to do that. And then I started to finally record ALL of our interactions. Luckily it's been about 5-6 weeks and she hasn't said another word (we are stuck together). Holding my breath that she won't try anything more extreme as she already "threatened" to move in with my step daughter... I mean... OK what kind of threat is that?
/r/Divorce_Men10/04/23 12:20 PM
1

I could post the same thing, I am stuck in this process now and this place has really helped. Whenever I am on the edge of a mistake I think about how 100 people told me NOT to do whatever I was thinking.
/r/Divorce_Men10/04/23 12:18 PM
4

Ya I went through, 20 years here. I have never found hard evidence, but I just know. Lots of red flags over this marriage that I always turned into an innocent plausibility. We just started this process also, she ended up about 5 weeks ago or so. She made accusations against me MANY times without justification. I shake my head now and feel like a complete idiot. We also are stuck living together, and I keep noticing suspicious things happening. It's funny how if you question something, the gas l…
/r/Divorce_Men10/04/23 12:17 PM
1

she zeroed in on my mom as a problem and really drove a wedge in there. She did the same, but did so many years ago. She doesn't like me talking to her due to my moms advice based around "reality". And she also doesn't agree with my moms beliefs, or mindset on life. So she becomes caustic, and anytime they are together there is this two way passive aggressiveness. She even tries to nope out of any holidays a week prior or so... but rarely ended up doing it. I think she always knew it hurt me and…
/r/Divorce_Men10/04/23 11:52 AM
1

Ya I don't mind my wife having full custody, but she can't if she wants to keep him in the same school. That has been her main concern and weapon to use against me as to why she needs 100% of our assets. So in a way if she comes to grips that she isn't taking every penny from me, she also should realize this is the ONLY way to satisfy her "main" concern. But she won't, she just keeps trying to guilt me on how I am going to fuck his life up. Luckily we pretty much 100% stopped talking now. And we…
/r/Divorce_Men06/04/23 12:12 PM
2

When I stopped jerking off I started feeling better That is very true. I always thought that release would help, as I wouldn't be thinking about her in that way for awhile. But simply stopping made my libido calm the fuck down. I feel better because of it as well.
/r/Divorce_Men05/04/23 07:26 PM
1

Ya I hope somehow we can come out of this without pure hatred. But I guess due to my kids being so old it will be easier to deal with if so. What's great is I have the means to keep my son from moving schools. She won't unless she gets 100% of everything. She isn't... fuck that. But in turn she is blaming me for trying to hurt my son of course, ignoring the fact that if I did have 50/50 he wouldn't have to switch. The entire situation is BS, but it seems like it usually is for people. I became t…
/r/Divorce_Men05/04/23 06:37 PM
1

I didn't know that was a possibility. Thanks for mentioning it!
/r/Divorce_Men05/04/23 03:39 PM
3

She stated that she wanted to keep our friendship for the sake of our son but all my attempts have been unsuccessful. My wife did that at first, it was just after she blew up my life. Her main reason was the same, for our kids. She said "let's just act like everything is normal until the end of the school year". Things started out sort of that way, although I was a wreck. She never gave a shit how I felt though, and a few times even straight told me I was being dramatic. Like early on when I too…
/r/Divorce_Men05/04/23 02:02 PM
2

So outside of the increase in child support, it almost doesn't matter once the kids can make their own decisions? Isn't there one form of custody that still allows you be involved in major decisions? I hate saying anything positive about my wife (lol), but she is a good mother. So I never would be worried that he was being neglected or anything.
/r/Divorce_Men05/04/23 01:53 PM
3

God I know... she wants to GTFO as soon as possible also. But luckily she cut off pretty much all contact with me. We don't talk, or stay in the same rooms more than a few seconds. So at least I got that going for me. We DID have a short 5 second conversation last night though. But it was over hotdogs, I was grilling some but she didn't want any.
/r/Divorce_Men05/04/23 01:32 PM
1

I know, I have been warned 100 times or more here. And I record every interaction, take notes and being very careful. But I do think I might be luckier than some as she doesn't want to ever talk or be around me. Our last conversation was over hotdogs (last night). She didn't want any... so I didn't grill her any.
/r/Divorce_Men05/04/23 01:29 PM
1

My therapist pointed out the same. All I had to do was talk about my wife for 10 minutes, and she brought it up. What is kind of sad is that people who have it don't know, and of course never get help. And then things like this happen.
/r/Divorce_Men05/04/23 12:52 PM
2

My wife acted the same way once she moved in with me. I lost all of my friends. And she never got along with my family, especially my mom. So I just spent 20 years with almost zero friends and a strained relationship with my mother. My wife for sure has BPD and I became co-dependent and constantly manipulated. Now in the hell of the divorce process I keep trying to remind myself that I will be better off away from her. As well as have a touch of empathy because I know she is fucked up and doesn'…
/r/Divorce_Men05/04/23 12:35 PM
4

That 100% happened to me (but not separated). Lots of sex the week prior, and then she disconnected. I even know the exact date that it happened. My therapist said that a lot of times it's kind of the death throws of marriage. Such as she wasn't completely sure on what she wanted. I just wrote off she was having an affair, but when I finally reflected after the dust settled. It seems she had been acting weird for awhile, perhaps even going back to just after her Tummy Tuck... lol But ya that fuc…
/r/Divorce_Men05/04/23 12:31 PM
1

Ah OK, but you gotta make sure no one CAN find it. I assume moving funds out of an account and trickling them into some off shore account would look suspicious. Not that I would even have enough money to "hide"... lol
/r/Divorce_Men04/04/23 06:13 PM
2

I don't think it was the most horrible thing either. And he shouldn't be going around apologizing to his friends for it. But I felt like the defense was a bit immature (no offense). I am pretty old though and it did remind me of how my friends and I use to talk decades ago. And all my friends were "bros", so it kind of gave me flashbacks. Again no offense, we both are agreeing on OPs position.
/r/Divorce_Men04/04/23 01:14 PM
1

8) You keep what you can hide in divorce Is that legal? I always thought if you got caught it could turn into a shitshow.
/r/Divorce_Men04/04/23 01:00 PM
1

NOT drink Ya I always drank beer in moderation. Once my wife dropped the bomb on me I noticed my intake went up. I never had an issue with it before, and LUCKILY realized I was starting to become dependent pretty quickly. If I hadn't I could only imagine how big of a problem it would've become.
/r/Divorce_Men04/04/23 12:59 PM
3

I went and purposely found a female therapist that specializes in divorce & marriage. I have been in and out of therapy life long and the men always felt less compassionate. When I told her my wife's demands she laughed and said "I'm sure she does". Six sessions in and it has really helped me.
/r/Divorce_Men04/04/23 12:56 PM
3

I am going through the same thing. Wife (20yrs) wants the word, I already said nope. She is now threatening to drag this out as long as possible until she get what she "deserves". She also manipulates and gas lights me daily. And doing her best to use the kids against me. We already had agreed several times on 50/50 custody, but she took it back last night. There is only one positive to her behavior, it's making me despise her. I already look at her completely different and want her out of my li…
/r/Divorce_Men04/04/23 12:52 PM
1

I use an app simply called "Voice Recorder" on my android. It works really well for being free. It pretty much will record continuously for as long as you want. And it saves each file once you hit stop as an .mp3 file. I then can go to each and upload them to my google cloud account. Right now I just hit record and keep it in my pocket when I know we will be around each other.
/r/Divorce_Men04/04/23 12:41 PM
1

I don't mean to lesson your situation, but to be honest what's the point in worrying about it anymore? You made the mistake and owned up to it, so now it's time to just look ahead to the future. And for for fucks sake stop beating yourself up so badly! The simple fact (as someone else said) is that you DID admit to the mistake, that makes you a decent human being.
/r/Divorce_Men04/04/23 12:34 PM
2

"yeah, I fucked that crazy bitch, it was fun. Too bad she couldn't keep her mouth shut". I got this weird feeling that may not be the best way to handle things. Not all guys think with the "bro" mentality. I for sure would step back and think "wtf"... if it was one of my friends I would just want a touch of honesty.
/r/Divorce_Men04/04/23 12:29 PM
1

The judge struck them What does that mean? I know my wife is preparing to try and destroy my character during this process as well. I know it doesn't really mean much, especially in a no-fault. But I wasn't sure if "struck them" meant to blow it off or not.
/r/Divorce_Men04/04/23 12:24 PM
5

Emotional manipulation and becoming disturbingly co-dependent. Throw in a bunch of gas lighting, and not once her ever being wrong. I really feel lucky she cut my strings via wanting the divorce herself. She for sure has a personality disorder... and of course our marriage falling apart (20yr) was my fault. Funny enough though she found out that she might've been delusional.. and "cancelled" the divorce last week. Just two days after she met with her attorney... so now it's on me. lol I am looki…
/r/Divorce_Men03/04/23 03:16 PM
2

This is my biggest fear once our divorce is done and we still are stuck living together. And obviously it's way harder for us men to randomly date people. Not that it's advised to do so quickly here, but I get why you are trying. I feel really bad for you, as thinking about it I can feel how bad it must burn. I am just hoping we can sell out house quickly, and GTF away from each other.
/r/Divorce_Men03/04/23 03:10 PM
2

She's out for blood now, there is absolutely zero chance she will agree to anything. This is going to end up a battle, but according to my attorney I am giving her what's "fair". He also said the same thing, she probably will only get 1 year of alimony to give her time to support herself. She has no fucking idea... I never really cared that much to help her out a bit longer either. I didn't start getting super pissed until her guilt trips (son), and saying she deserves the world for taking care …
/r/Divorce_Men03/04/23 12:49 PM
1

Just watching her walk around with her nose in their air is infuriating. How in the fuck can you start all this, then act like nothing is wrong...
/r/Divorce_Men03/04/23 12:15 PM
1

I met with mine last week and he pretty much just shook his head when I told him. Then quipped "of course she does". It seem like I "should" be able to get a similar deal as that is considered fair. She doesn't give a shit though and threatened to fight me until she got what she deserved. But I was surprised when he said that she might only qualify for 6-12 months of alimony due to her education. She has no fucking idea yet... thinks she should at least get 5 years. And even touched off on much …
/r/Divorce_Men03/04/23 12:09 PM
1

My attorney told me to take notes on everything she does when I am around her. Along with the time and dates, even simple things like leave the house. Supposedly if I have a that documented, I can prove that she would leave me home alone with the kids. I am going to start doing that tonight.
/r/Divorce_Men31/03/23 07:18 PM
1

That's a good way to put it. God I hate her at this point, it's hard to even go back a month and remember how I use to feel. I pleaded her to work on our marriage without avail then also.
/r/Divorce_Men31/03/23 07:01 PM
1

I have one thing over her head that is outside of our divorce, and cannot be dragged into it. Her argument is that she needs 100% due to keeping my son in the same school. There is no way in hell she can get that. She also won't be able to get 80% of my paycheck, which she also needs to stay in the area. However I can for sure keep my son in his school myself. Even if she takes 1/2 of everything, and a chunk of alimony / CS. This being due to the fact that after the divorce is finalized, my mom …
/r/Divorce_Men31/03/23 06:59 PM
1

That sounds great! Ya my wife earned her degree during our marriage as well. I had no idea heading into my attorneys office that I could possibly cut it so short. I am also going to toss in 100% of all household goods as a cherry. We have a very large house and it's filled with stuff... I don't want anything but my grills (so I guess 99%).
/r/Divorce_Men31/03/23 04:10 PM
1

I have done CICO twice, I lost 70lbs about 5 years ago but got lazy and stopped. When my wife dropped the bomb on me I started again (month ago) and already lost 13lbs. And ya I agree it's fucking tedious.... my wife did it with me years back and always put in the recipes. So all I had to do was copy it over, when she hit her GW she of course stopped doing it. And I was way too lazy to input so much myself. But I second it working, and you get use to eating the allocated calories. You also can e…
/r/Divorce_Men31/03/23 02:54 PM
4

I am really anxious at what kind of scheming BS my wife is going to try and pull. She isn't getting anywhere close to what she wants (it's impossible). And when she finally understands that she is going to go full nuclear. Currently I am recording every conversation, and taking notes on everything she does. My attorney said that documenting when she leaves me with the kids, and for how long can be worth the effort.
/r/Divorce_Men31/03/23 02:48 PM
2

Wow... women are SO FUCKING CRUEL...
/r/Divorce_Men31/03/23 02:42 PM
5

My wife has a Masters, and impressive resume. She has refused to work the past few years due to my son needing a ride to school. My attorney said she might only get 12 months, or at most a few years to tide her over until she can get a new job. Missouri here though.
/r/Divorce_Men31/03/23 02:41 PM
2

My starting offer is 50% across the board. I do not want to pay her stupid legal fee's though, as she already has threatened to fight this until she gets what she wants. Which is actually impossible... How old is your ex? My soon to be ex is 44, and my attorney is fairly confident that she won't get more than a few years, due to her education and impressive resume.
/r/Divorce_Men31/03/23 02:39 PM
1

Ugh, I am entering the situation now. My wife wants 100% of assets, and 80% of my pay for CS & Alimony. It's impossible for her to get that, but she already threatened to stay fighting until she does...
/r/Divorce_Men31/03/23 02:36 PM
3

Mine now is asking for 100% of the assets and 80% of my salary. If I don't give it to her... I am hurting my son.
/r/Divorce_Men31/03/23 02:34 PM
1

"GOTYE: Somebody that I use to know" seems to fit the divorce grieving process well. That damn song has been stuck in my head for the past few weeks. Most people know the song, but if you read through the lyrics you will get what I mean.
/r/Divorce_Men31/03/23 01:04 PM
1

I started that two days ago, I have an app on my phone that seems to work really well. And I have a folding phone, so it just stays in my pocket easily. I live in a one-party consent state (checked with lawyer). I feel much better about things now.
/r/Divorce_Men31/03/23 11:53 AM
1

I don't think I can force her out legally here without an ex parte (sp), which I would have to file due to being a danger to the kids and I.
/r/Divorce_Men31/03/23 11:51 AM
1

I met with my attorney yesterday and he pretty much said I had all of the power due to what she expects. Not only that but her excuses to work yet advanced degree and resume means her alimony could be very short term (12mo). So in a way she is fucked... he still though wants me to try and talk to her and come an agreement I feel comfortable with. But I know that conversation will end up a nuclear war. She was REALLY badgering me last night as she knew I went. I didn't share anything as I wanted …
/r/Divorce_Men31/03/23 11:50 AM
2

I finally started to record everything last night. I put an app on my phone and it surprisingly works better than I thought it would. I woke up this morning and had 8 hours of me snoring (I forgot to turn it off). And ya I have been way more mindful with what I say for sure. She is about to go full psycho mode when she finally realizes that she isn't legit getting what she wants.
/r/Divorce_Men30/03/23 02:56 PM
1

My wife has been saying "I took care of everyone for 20 years"... I am like "Oh.. guess I didn't fucking work". That happened the last time I told her I wouldn't give her 100% of our assets.
/r/Divorce_Men29/03/23 07:17 PM
2

My wife is starting to say all sorts of shit now to make me feel guilty. I keep thinking "why the fuck would you say that?", as it's just pissing me off. I mean fucking stop and think for a moment... Ya I don't think it matters here. My dad had a 15 year affair with a secret child and it didn't help my mom at all.
/r/Divorce_Men29/03/23 06:49 PM
1

Ya my wife right now is trying to use the abuse card. She actually is trying to come up with ANY justification to tell people. Which isn't shocking as she always loved to play the victim. She "cancelled" our divorce yesterday though... because she realized pretty quick that she wasn't going to get what she expected... no I gotta go file tomorrow... And as in cancelled I mean she told me that she wasn't going to go through with it. The day after her attorney told her she can't get 100% of our ass…
/r/Divorce_Men29/03/23 06:46 PM
2

he can still counter with “cruelty”, “drunkenness”, “abuse” and burn up a bunch of money from the marital estate. Outside of wasting money what will that actually do for her?
/r/Divorce_Men29/03/23 06:41 PM
1

My divorce hell just started, I lost all trust and respect for my wife. I spent 20 years enduring her insanity, and she is 100% going full in batshit to destroy me now. YET... I would like to date someday. I will for sure take time to reflect on myself, and with that and therapy heal as much as I can. I already though DID make the decision to never get married again. I figure down the road that it will help at least alleviate a lot of complications. I don't really want to live with anyone either…
/r/Divorce_Men29/03/23 06:28 PM
1

Ya I was stupid and told her all sorts of things the day after. Well... and oddly a few months ago when she brought up divorce. I told her I would make sure the kids and her would be taken care of (when she threatened me if I left her). The day after she said that I said "well maybe you can have the money to help with a house". I was straight lying, mostly due to still having hope our marriage could be salvaged. So that was all my fault... but then I realized she might've "attempted" salvaging i…
/r/Divorce_Men29/03/23 11:49 AM
1

My mom did the same thing... my dad had a very long affair, secret child, everything. She felt like it would screw me up if she got divorced. I ended up finding out about it as a teen and it made me very unstable and angry. This affair went on for 25 years... She should've filed right when it happened. In the end it made me hate my dad, and feel sorry for her because she lost so much of her life. I kind of know what GR is, but I will go look it up now.
/r/Divorce_Men28/03/23 03:29 PM
1

Ya if she would fucking work, and add that to the alimony / CS, she could at the very least rent a small house. It's not going to be where she wants... and won't keep my son in the same school... but FFS. She keeps going on about the school bus issue also. She HAS to drive him... well work evenings... he gets out at 2:30 everyday. Both my kids are completely self sufficient and can stay alone. My wife though has so much arrogance, and narcissism that she can't work a job "below" her. So she insi…
/r/Divorce_Men28/03/23 01:53 PM
1

I have an idea on what she is entitled to due to our statutes. Even if the courts max her out... she is going to be livid. I don't care about paying her what I have to. But the mere 100% asset BS / let your mom take care of you pisses me off to no end. Everyone's life is about to downgrade, and due to the housing market even more so. She wanted this...
/r/Divorce_Men28/03/23 01:49 PM
1

Ya it's REALLY hard for me to come to terms with seeing my kids stressed. And knowing that there new lives will be blamed on me. But I guess that's not uncommon in these things. I really hate the fact to that my is in panic mode trying to do this ASAP. Of course it's a good idea for sure... but her "enthusiasm" skyrocketed this past week. I need time.. this is a huge fucking deal. And I know I am not giving her what she wants. But I need my attorney to guide me. Not to mention my therapist to he…
/r/Divorce_Men28/03/23 01:46 PM
1

In Missouri it's pretty much the same. Divorce is simply referred to as a "financial transaction". She had a ton of idea's floating in her head leading up to it. I don;t consider myself at fault for anything... but early on I did say a lot of BS, because I wanted to still work on our marriage. My main point would be that the kids would be taken care of.. I guess she figured that meant her via proxy. But things rapidly changed, her true self came out and I could tell things were not going to go w…
/r/Divorce_Men28/03/23 01:42 PM
1

Not that it makes any fucking difference, but she bases my future "life" off of my moms money... she tells me someday your going to have a lot of money so she should get everything due to it. My mom WILL help me out... but I am not living off of her... it's simply wrong. Ya as mentioned I sit down with my attorney Thursday and going to lay this all out. I also see my therapist and plan on spending my session talking about it also. I just can't do what she wants, my sons life is going to change. …
/r/Divorce_Men28/03/23 01:01 PM
1

Thank you. She came home from her first attorney meeting in a pure panic last night. She wants 100% of our assets, and 85% of my salary... essentially leaving me to live off of fast food wages... and begging my mom for money. WHY!? Because my kids need it... if I don't do it I will make them suffer. Especially my special needs son. She won't shut up over that. She was up when I left for work this morning (5:45) which never happens. I said "wow you are up early" and she replied "I couldn't sleep …
/r/Divorce_Men28/03/23 12:33 PM
1

I think she finally came to the realization that she isn't getting it. She met with her attorney for the first time yesterday. She came home acting panicky. She said "you were right... our daughter won't qualify for extended CS". And that the state goes 50/50 on all assets... I said "I told you, I already know about a lot of this due to my moms divorce". She wanted me to sit down and do some kitchen table divorce last night. Cheap... easy and quick she said. I said I wouldn't do that until I spo…
/r/Divorce_Men28/03/23 12:30 PM
2

Ya I get the fact that this is going to stress my son out. But she wanted a divorce... I did not. She was under the assumption like you said that her life would go on like normal. And I could live off of fast food wages... because of course as you said my family's money, and it's NOT mine. I can't fucking beg my mom to pay all my bills each month and buy me a house. I am not that type of person. Her BS magnified last night after she finally spoke to an attorney herself. It seems like she got a s…
/r/Divorce_Men28/03/23 12:27 PM
4

She touched back off on the fact that she took care of everyone for 20 years (yes even me). It seems like she has forgotten that I worked the entire time... sure she did my laundry. And perhaps picked up a cup or two.. but how I didn't take care of anyone is infuriating. To me that doesn't make her entitled to everything I have (which she wants). She met with an attorney for the first time yesterday... came home in a panic. Wants me to work this out at the kitchen table. Which includes 100% asse…
/r/Divorce_Men28/03/23 12:22 PM
1

I think so also, I have noticed enough to be almost positive. Her entire full throttle panic mode on getting this done has been bizarre. Especially since we HAVE to live together for awhile anyways. It's seems like she fell in love with some guy and wants to keep that relationship going guilt free. I stopped paying attention to the shit she is doing though. Although I do know she didn't go anywhere Fri-Mon (Ring notifications). Which is weird... I did make some quips Saturday at her. And now we …
/r/Divorce_Men28/03/23 12:18 PM
1

Ya it really is painful because it will cause a lot of problems for my son. But she is demanding pretty much everything to "protect" his life. Such as 100% of the assets, and 85% of my salary... if I don't do it, he's going to be hurt by that. How in the fuck and I suppose to life off of McDonalds wages...
/r/Divorce_Men28/03/23 12:12 PM
1

I know... I get it, this will make it harder for my son. But it was her fucking decision... I am not a supporter of staying together for the kids (which she threw in my face). But she seemingly rushed to this without much thought put into it. She also thinks she can emotionally manipulate me using our son as a weapon. Last nights convo after her first lawyer visit was... interesting. She obviously found out she can't get what she wants, unless I agree to her demands.
/r/Divorce_Men28/03/23 12:10 PM
1

That sounds like a good way to tell them. Thanks!
/r/Divorce_Men28/03/23 12:08 PM
1

She thinks they are because if I don't give her what she "needs" my son will suffer. She was up this morning at 5:45 already saying she couldn't sleep because she is worried about him. After her first attorney meeting yesterday she seemingly got a wake up call.
/r/Divorce_Men28/03/23 12:07 PM
2

Ya.. she got home last night from her first attorney meeting and was in pure panic mode. She said we could just do this at the table and it would be mediated, easy peasy... and cheap. Then she listed out what she wanted, basing some of it off of previous scattered comments I made. Pretty much 100% of our assets, and 85% of my pay. But hey, she won't fight 50/50 custody! Wtf... And of course this revolves completely around my son and his special needs... she said that is what "they" need to keep …
/r/Divorce_Men28/03/23 12:06 PM
1

I told her that several times and she always come back with "I took care of you and this family for 20 years". And "you always said people shouldn't simply stay together for the kids". Somehow she managed to forget that I worked... and was the sole income earner most of those years.
/r/Divorce_Men28/03/23 11:55 AM
1

Ya she learned some things after her first attorney appointment yesterday for sure. And I walked into more BS than ever... she wants us to do all of this ourselves mediated. Then listed out her "demands", and pulled my son right into it. Somehow also she is using the defense that she spent 20 years taking care of our family... and me... I guess she never realized that I worked... She is freaking out though as I won't sit down with her until after I speak to my attorney on Thursday. She was even …
/r/Divorce_Men28/03/23 11:54 AM
1

She saw her attorney yesterday and bombarded me when I walked in the door. She seemingly things we can work through this ourselves, with mediation. Then she dropped what she wanted... and said we get get this done quickly and for cheap. And told me all she cares about is our son's stability. What did she want? All assets and pretty much 85% of my paycheck. Which would leave me with nothing and living off McDonald wages. She found out yesterday that if she ran this all the way she will get fucked…
/r/Divorce_Men28/03/23 11:50 AM
1

Ya she tried to tell me my kids couldn't be raised in an apartment... like it's too fucking "low" for them. No it's low for her... she is having a hard time fathoming that her decision is going to change our lives.
/r/Divorce_Men27/03/23 07:44 PM
2

That daughter is 27, married and owns her own house. I don't think slapping her screwed up her life.. The one thing is my wife confides in her, I have no idea how much she has told her or what. BUT.. I still can't imagine my daughter is going to testify and go on about how she is so messed up over the single incident... 10 years ago.
/r/Divorce_Men27/03/23 07:42 PM
2

lol, IKR
/r/Divorce_Men27/03/23 07:38 PM
6

BUT the kids have special NEEDS - wife Ya... my wife needs to be a taxi service... that's it. I am so sick of her using their autism (high functioning) as "proof" that she can't work. She use to... and holds a masters... how did that use to happen!?
/r/Divorce_Men27/03/23 07:37 PM
3

Thanks for that. It really helps boost my confidence. My kids have high functioning autism and are almost completely self sufficient, the only thing they don't do is drive. My daughter is in college, works, has a BF, even a permit but avoids practicing. So between my kids being "special needs" and my daughter not driving my wife is REALLY pushing that on me. Like she can't work because she is a mom taxi. What is really frustrating is that my wife has a masters and a fairly prestigious resume. Qu…
/r/Divorce_Men27/03/23 07:35 PM
8

Yes it was her idea. And the amount of co-dependency I have had is really coming to light. I made a mistake a long time ago saying I would always make sure that she and the kids would be OK. Which was due to some weird conversation... which makes sense now... So I guess that gave her some courage to slap me in the face without concern. Now I am acting different she is losing her shit. The amount of guilt she is dumping on me is suffocating. And the messed up part of all this is how she is approa…
/r/Divorce_Men27/03/23 07:29 PM
3

I don't see any reason why it couldn't be explicitly stated to meet whatever both parents needed. We blasted right through the "work together" stage. She wanted that... BAD. Did the entire "I want us to stay friends thing". But then when she started in on the demands... kid guilt... etc.. I knew this wasn't going to work. I need someone to keep me straightened out. My wife has dragged me around for 20 years, and still manipulating me.
/r/Divorce_Men27/03/23 07:24 PM
2

That would be pretty amazing, although my wife doesn't want me to have them for that long. I guess that's why she isn't big on the 50/50 idea.
/r/Divorce_Men27/03/23 07:22 PM
3

Ya she is trying to drag in every incident over the past 20 years and build a case against me. I slapped my daughter(17) 10-11 years ago when she ran at me screaming... it's the ONLY time I have ever touched my kids. But now she is trying to say I am an abusive father... using that as an example. I am not sure how well random things like that hold up though.
/r/Divorce_Men27/03/23 07:21 PM
1

Thanks, Ya I am finally coming to terms that I can't just let her rip away everything from me. And I think I am playing "nice guy" due to still living in the same house, and trying to keep the peace. Although obviously the kid guilt is HUGE right now. I keep trying to tell myself that she wants this, she needs to figure it out. I guess she built her self up to this moment thinking it would be cake... makes sense also why she is building up a weapon to try and destroy my character. She has two th…
/r/Divorce_Men27/03/23 07:16 PM
3

Thanks for that, it makes sense. I can't let her win this... I am fine with the support... but not fine with her ripping everything away from me. I already know that she going to destroy my character in ever possible way. I guess knowing how horrible she is... should motivate me to stand up for myself. I became co-dependent over the years and she STILL is manipulating me...
/r/Divorce_Men27/03/23 05:12 PM
1

You are right... I never looked at it that way.
/r/Divorce_Men27/03/23 05:11 PM
1

Ya she has a masters degree, and was a professor at fairly big university. Not including (as mentioned) worked a few other jobs that are fairly a big deal. Her income potential is pretty high, although she never made more than me. I only have an associates though, but 25 years at my company. However she quit teaching 3-4 years ago due to being a narcissist. She thought some of her co-workers got jealous of her and tried to sabotage her job (shes crazy). Ever since then she has claimed that our k…
/r/Divorce_Men27/03/23 05:10 PM
3

I meet with him on Thursday. I will immediately bring that up.
/r/Divorce_Men27/03/23 04:44 PM
5

If you have 50/50 does one parent actually need to have them 50% of the year? Or as parents can jointly decide on X amount of days due to school? I don't know how all that works yet (lawyer Thursday). But I know for sure she is going to fight for full custody.
/r/Divorce_Men27/03/23 04:43 PM
5

So she can cry all she wants, but CS isn't meant to be a sole source of income, it's to supplement income to provide for the kids. My ex is about to learn this lesson the hard way. Oh OK, so her excuse on why she needs so much, doesn't factor into CS outside of having X amount of kids at X age. She makes nothing... but won't work because of the kids. However she is WAY more educated than I and held four prestigious jobs prior. But quit.. due to stupid reasons each time, only to settle on becomin…
/r/Divorce_Men27/03/23 04:41 PM
7

"Great news mommy! This is daddy's house because he works. When you get a job, you can get a house too!" The exwife called me up screaming at me. Sorry that made me laugh =P So you basically were able to overcome a lot of the anxiety by thinking "welp, I can take care of them then". My wife counters that with my son having to change schools... I live in an expensive area, I don't think he is going to have much choice... then of course she comes back with his special needs... it's too hard to upr…
/r/Divorce_Men27/03/23 04:36 PM
8

Ya she won't be able to support them. She pretty much needs everything to keep her life going as usual. I obviously will be just as hard up... but I also am fucking VERY lucky that my mom wants to help me out. Even talked about helping me buy a house... one that would keep my son in his same school. My area is way too expensive for my "wife" to stay in with loss of income. That is also a reason why she says she needs 100% of the profit from out house. Which would be a pretty big chunk of money. …
/r/Divorce_Men27/03/23 04:10 PM
7

50/50 custody is what you need. Kids are much more adaptable than you think, and what matters is you are present. I lived in a hovel for 5 years before I could scrape up the pennies for a down payment. The point is, everyone’s lifestyle is going to take a hit. But, you have a chance at getting your sanity back. I don't need anything fancy, I am fairly easy going. I don't care about cars, clothes, etc. I have a few hobbies, other than that I don't really want for anything. I guess I am somewhat l…
/r/Divorce_Men27/03/23 04:04 PM
2

Anyone my wife ends up with is going to end up miserable eventually. The only thing has going for her are looks. Otherwise she is an arrogant princess, who absolutely thinks she is smarter than everyone. And makes sure they know it via her constant "academic" conversations that will go ON forever. My kids and I glaze over normally... our friends and family think she is obnoxious as well. Oh and she is SUPER fucking paranoid.. if the next guy shows up late... can't be located or says anything "su…
/r/Divorce_Men27/03/23 03:06 PM
3

I am in the same position as you right now. It's hurting so bad, and it hurts more than anything has in my life. I know the pain will never go away completely. But I do know that we both will be getting the opportunity to become new people. It's going to fucking suck for awhile, but with enough work, time and help, we can do this.
/r/Divorce_Men27/03/23 02:51 PM
2

Ya the stupid ass affair fog. The good thing is it never lasts... it seems like from reading around that some AP's end up freaking out when the person actually divorces. I guess they only wanted sex, and it was exciting. Then it becomes an "oh shit" moment for them.
/r/Divorce_Men27/03/23 01:00 PM
2

Same. I kind of already knew, but my therapist confirmed it. I tried to get my wife to recognize something has been wrong for years. But of course most people that suffer from it never will identify it.
/r/Divorce_Men27/03/23 12:57 PM
2

That makes me feel so much better personally. I think about how insane my wife is and hard to deal with (always has been). And then how some AP has absolutely NO IDEA what he is getting into. Once that fog clears... holy shit GLHF.
/r/Divorce_Men27/03/23 12:53 PM
2

This housing market... it's for sure stopping any chance of that for me. Going to be 42 living in my childhood bedroom, even IF things work out fairly. Can't even rent an apartment right now with the massive loss of income I will have.
/r/Divorce_Men27/03/23 12:50 PM
1

OK, will do.
/r/Divorce_Men27/03/23 12:46 PM
1

I am going to see if I can Thursday. She goes for her free consultation today, so it may not be too late.
/r/Divorce_Men27/03/23 12:38 PM
1

I see him on Thursday and will find out exactly what needs to be done. My wife see's hers today sadly. Yes I fucked up on that. But if she doesn't "file" today (it's her free consultation), I will find out.
/r/Divorce_Men27/03/23 12:36 PM
1

Ya I fucked up on that already. I didn't corner her and aggressively say "admit it" etc. But kind of joked in passing. Such as "wow, no walk with your BF today?". My main reasoning is not allowing her to think she is as clever as she thinks she is. I also refuse to escalate things and kind of just accepted it over the weekend. I did disable tracking, funny enough I think that is going to bother her more than anything. I think she uses that to know at all times if she is "safe". As I work 45min a…
/r/Divorce_Men27/03/23 12:02 PM
1

I actually turned off tracking today. I know she will be going to the "park", and who knows where else. And I don't want to know anymore. She can go do whatever the fuck she wants.
/r/Divorce_Men27/03/23 11:58 AM
2

My attorney made that very clear, there have a been a few times I just wanted to walk out. So I keep remembering him driving that into my head. Luckily my wife and I (for now) haven't had too many fired up arguments. But I know shits about to change... but fuck this is my house, I pay 100% everything... I am not moving back to my childhood bedroom in my 40s.
/r/Divorce_Men24/03/23 06:33 PM
1

You should drag your feet on the divorce as much as possible so your wife can completely screw you over. Should or shouldn't? I am going to assume I should not drag my feet... I really want to get the fuck away from her and start over.
/r/Divorce_Men24/03/23 06:23 PM
3

I am so glad that worked out well for you! And so bad for her! Ya I am thinking the same, I would absolutely be pissed off knowing her "BF" and her made a new family with my kids involved. Now of course I know it will eventually happen, but not in my fucking house. I feel the same way, it's interesting in my case due to never re-affirming my mortgage after bankruptcy years ago. I have no legal obligation to it, and could simply walk away without repercussions at any time. No idea how that would …
/r/Divorce_Men24/03/23 06:21 PM
1

Thanks!
/r/Divorce_Men24/03/23 06:18 PM
1

I am hoping for the same result. Neither of us at the moment has anywhere to go. So at least her being "fake" nice will make things more calm. You are lucky she moved out, that would be amazing... neither of us however have anywhere to go. And I refuse to live 45min away in my childhood bedroom.
/r/Divorce_Men24/03/23 06:16 PM
3

I started therapy several weeks ago and she really opened my eyes up to that. I am so fucking co-dependent it's pathetic. She turned me into a door mat, and now is playing the victim. I never really realized how bad things were... but the only positive is that I should feel a lot better eventually without tip toeing around.
/r/Divorce_Men24/03/23 04:48 PM
1

Oh wow... I didn't know it got held up like that. She for sure is screwed then. I can't do much of anything with the house as far as equity is concerned, because it wasn't re-affirmed during bankruptcy years ago. I can sell it (easy), or refinance it (not always easy) to take "ownership". But right now I have no legal responsibility for it, such as I can walk away without legal repercussions at anytime. I don't know how that can effect this process but I am going to ask my attorney next week.
/r/Divorce_Men24/03/23 04:38 PM
2

I am going to act like she never went for sure.
/r/Divorce_Men24/03/23 04:24 PM
3

I luckily didn't say much. When she mentioned that I was like "no idea what that is" and she seemed confused over it also. Then I just said "ya I meet with my attorney next week also". And then continued eating. I stayed away from her the rest of the night and haven't said much of anything since.
/r/Divorce_Men24/03/23 04:20 PM
2

I am kind of curious how she will be acting after her first meeting Monday. She is either going to be super bitchy, or disturbingly nice.
/r/Divorce_Men24/03/23 04:17 PM
3

I think she might get a wake up call once she finally sits down with her attorney. I wonder if all of a sudden she will become "nicer". This is the first time I am glad I don't have piles of money. Because she's (we) going to run out fast if she drags this on. I don't think she realizes how expensive this process can be. In my case my mom is paying for mine... the one she used. He is expensive as hell, but ruthless. My wife googled "divorce attorney" and went with the one with the highest google…
/r/Divorce_Men24/03/23 04:14 PM
2

My kids will still be covered. But according to my state's laws (what I found anyways) is that the ex-spouse will not, and it seems I won't be responsible for it. She has a few conditions she deals with, and takes a couple of meds... GLHF.
/r/Divorce_Men24/03/23 04:08 PM
1

Ya you guys told me that here. Right now at least we aren't talking about anything but daily life. But I am going to ask him next week to make sure it's fine. I gotta stay the fuck away from the car though... lol
/r/Divorce_Men24/03/23 04:06 PM
1

I freaked out last week and ordered a voice activated recorder. Then got to thinking about the legalities. I looked up some information and was like... ya NM. So I cancelled the order. Peace of mind... wasn't worth the risk. And if I did read it wrong oh well... supposedly here you CAN record someone without them knowing if "one" party (you) know about it... I needed both parties to not know obviously.
/r/Divorce_Men24/03/23 03:15 PM
1

There was zero benefit to separate and not divorce as I would have to pay for her health insurance separated and wouldn’t have to pay if divorced. I went straight to divorce once separation papers were signed . ​ I was trying to figure out what the benefit was for the one NOT filing. I don't know obviously how it all works, but it seemed like just waiting 2 months to file was no different. I knew my health insurance company would stop covering her when we got divorced. But I wasn't sure how that…
/r/Divorce_Men24/03/23 03:12 PM
2

Ya I am REALLY glad I found this forum. Everyone has been very supportive. I am also glad for the most part that I am in the initial stages, so I haven't gotten deep in with many fuck ups.
/r/Divorce_Men24/03/23 03:07 PM
2

Holycrap... OK I will ask him. The firm I am using is pretty expensive... 5k retainer and my moms divorce ended up 35k in total. I think my wife found some strip mall person locally who had like a 375 retainer fee.
/r/Divorce_Men24/03/23 03:06 PM
2

I broke already and casually mentioned it. I know her "walks" aren't taking part in the park, but inside of a apartment complex. So I said "aren't you going for a walk today with your boyfriend?", with a laugh. She got super offended of course, and said that was a horrible thing to say... lol But at this point, I don't care about that anymore. Ya thinking about it hurts, but what am I suppose to do? I can't control her, and it's nearly impossible to catch her anyways as I work an hour away. The …
/r/Divorce_Men24/03/23 02:59 PM
6

That is the first thing I thought, I am pretty damn sure she is cheating. Although I have no way to gather proof, at least legally. It's a felony in my state to plant a recording device. So right now I have her GPS, and vigilance. But If I wrote out everything I have seen and noticed, most people would agree with my suspicion. But ya watching all of the stuff going on I am sure she wants to keep it going, without the concern of getting caught WHILE being married. That makes a lot of sense, she h…
/r/Divorce_Men24/03/23 02:54 PM
1

My biggest issue is being stuck in the same house right now... I am really concerned on what will happen when I turn down her offer, and the "fair" one is slid across the table. She is going to be furious. Neither of us have anywhere to go, and need to sell the house in order to have the extra money to put down on places. I know a storm is coming... and it's freaking me out.
/r/Divorce_Men24/03/23 02:46 PM
1

Obviously I will find out how to do it. But until then how do you split the random assets like furniture, electronics, dogs... etc? I think I remember my parents listing out a total value. But not anything broken down. Although it's not like I was sitting in their lawyers office.
/r/Divorce_Men24/03/23 02:44 PM
4

My only thought is due to the filer getting "spooked" due to lifestyle changes. My wife is fairly delusional on what she thinks she can get. And in order to go on like nothing happened, stay in the house, not work etc. She would need nearly 100% of my paycheck. But she also floated the idea that I pay off the house (200k), and just give it to her so she ends up with enough money...I don't have 200K, in fact our total "savings" is only around 20k with retirement... so she thinks I should ask my m…
/r/Divorce_Men24/03/23 02:36 PM
2

I'm pretty sure legal separation is like divorce lite so spouses can host their bang a thon both guilt free and more importantly not risk themselves a part of their divorce prizes. That is exactly what I was suspicious of. There is no way I would go for that simply out of spite. Make her have to sneak around at least. Ya she doesn't work at all by choice... well she uses my son as an excuse because she drives him to school. But her last job was in the evenings, 3 years ago. She also is highly ed…
/r/Divorce_Men24/03/23 02:32 PM
2

We don't talk much, and I stay away from each other for the most part. We are trying to stay somewhat "normal" due to my kids. I did pull a 180 on her, but we eat dinner as a family etc. Last night after the kids got up from the table and left she tossed out some "conversation". I didn't comment on what she said.
/r/Divorce_Men24/03/23 02:30 PM
2

I have one on retainer already. We only spoke briefly on the phone but I meet with him next week. I am so fucking lucky to have my mom, as it's her personal divorce attorney, and she is paying (he's expensive). My wife... I don't know who she is using yet. We don't have that much money, and will be dry if this drags on. Which I am fine with at this point. I am lucky to have my mom once again as she said she wanted to buy a house for me to "rent" after it's all over. I swear to god... I went form…
/r/Divorce_Men24/03/23 01:09 PM
8

You don't seem to want to acknowledge it but the divorce process has already started for you, you're in it NOW. Start talking about division of assets and see what terms you're going to agree upon and which you aren't. The ones you can agree upon can be quick (and free) wins, the ones you can't agree upon will be for the lawyers and courts to fight out (and for you to pay for). I don't want to, but I already have. And we did lightly touch off on assets... my wife "thinks" she will be able to pre…
/r/Divorce_Men24/03/23 01:04 PM
6

So in this situation you can "cancel" the divorce prior to the timeline? Oh I will be, no way in hell I would agree to something like that.
/r/Divorce_Men24/03/23 12:59 PM
1

Thank you I will check it out!
/r/Divorce_Men23/03/23 01:21 PM
1

Thank you, that makes a lot of sense. I have had issues I think due to co-dependency. Which I recognized has been an issue our entire relationship. So keeping myself 100% disconnected has been challenging. Now with suspicions creeping in I am doing everything I can to not even give a fuck. I want to detach SO damn bad... and with the storm coming I need to be as secure as possible... I appreciate the help!
/r/Divorce_Men23/03/23 12:48 PM
1

So just ignore all that and go about my life as I don't care?
/r/Divorce_Men22/03/23 03:45 PM
1

OK, well that is why my attorney was adamant on "not leaving" my house. I only got a chance to chat on the phone and have a full appointment next week. But he was very stern about that.... ​ How did you make it? I know my wife is not going to be cordial, and as soon as she see's she is not getting what she wants, a firestorm will come. I am going to assume you guys weren't at each other's throats? The one thing I also think about is infidelity and how you deal with that emotionally if it's an is…
/r/Divorce_Men22/03/23 03:44 PM
3

Thank you for sharing that! I did the same thing for my wife, put her through college over many years as well. She worked on and off but due to the delusional issues she came up with had to keep switching. She completely quit 3-4 years ago. So I lost that income, but yet spent 110K on college. Then of course last summer I fucking dropped 15k on a tummy tuck. We have three kids, the extra skin always bothered her, so I was empathetic. Got that done and spent over a week nursing her. Fast forward …
/r/Divorce_Men22/03/23 03:36 PM
2

In the beginning during my shock phase I was trying to show kindness. But I think it was mostly due to NOT wanting a divorce, and somehow saving our marriage. So like an idiot I kind of told her "you guys would always be taken care of". As time has gone on and she has brought up how she is "trapped" and has nowhere to go etc. I stopped saying what I had before... in fact the only thing I have responded with is "ya, we gotta figure this out". That for sure is causing her a lot of anxiety now. Thi…
/r/Divorce_Men22/03/23 12:56 PM
5

Why? in-house separation while divorce is in progress is quite common. My wife wants 100%, the house, custody, and thinks my mom is hiding money for me (she isn't). So she made it clear she wasn't giving up until the bitter end. She also has been using the kids as leverage on why she at the very least should keep the house (after I pay it off / 200k). She honestly has an un diagnosed personality disorder and everything, is going to explode when she see's I am not giving her what she wants. This …
/r/Divorce_Men21/03/23 06:01 PM
4

O.o Wow I have never thought of that before, thank you!
/r/Divorce_Men21/03/23 05:33 PM
1

You would know by session 5 if the person is a good fit or not. If you are asking that question they probably are not. Regardless of WHY you seek therapy it can take a few tries to find someone who "clicks". Sex of the therapist doesn't matter, it's all about who you feel comfortable with. I would try to find someone who specializes in marriage, divorce / trauma. Most that fit that description will have the ability to treat anxiety, depression etc.
/r/Divorce_Men16/03/23 07:55 PM
1

That is a pure fucking nightmare to deal with. Jesus you are going to feel SO MUCH better once it's over. It sounds like you get a bonus of dropping her toxic family also.
/r/Divorce_Men16/03/23 07:49 PM
1

Wow... I was thinking maybe I wrote this myself... we are going through SO MANY of the same things right now. I don't have young children anymore, but otherwise everything you listed I can relate to. I paid off her debts, she doesn't work. I got lucky I guess that she does keep the house up though. But she is aiming for the fucking fences now... wants the house, car, and enough money to support herself. She thinks that her life shouldn't have to change... even though SHE IS the one who wants a d…
/r/Divorce_Men16/03/23 06:46 PM
1

It's looming, but; Paying support for someone who has no interest in working. She happens to be MUCH more educated than me and fully capable. But has made it pretty clear that she doesn't want her life to change. I know she isn't going to get what she wants, but it's putting me in a rough position due to my kids. Also like many the idea of fucking handing over money to her to sit around painting her nails is infuriating. Sex is also a big one. We rarely have sex anymore however, but the "idea" o…
/r/Divorce_Men13/03/23 01:23 PM
11

I am going through this now, my wife pretty much is blackmailing me with either twisted truths or straight out false accusations. I know she is doing it to try and make me not fight in a custody battle. As well as letting people know (my kids) that SHE was the one who wanted the divorce. She already tried to make up some BS about it being damaging to them... and wants me to just say it was mutual. Ya... OK so if that is damaging to them, what about all the weird shit you are going to say? I thin…
/r/Divorce_Men09/03/23 01:19 PM
1

Way better off without her now. I've surveyed the field and most single women 40+ don't hold a candle to her so I've kind of lost all interest in finding another one. If it happens it happens. Ever since she dropped it I have for the first time seriously kept vigilant of other older women. I just was curious as I never honestly thought much about it. I 100% agree with your observations, of course it's not all about looks but I think most men would agree that's a pretty big part. I have seen anyo…
/r/Divorce_Men09/03/23 01:14 PM
1

I finally watched the video, kind of jumped to conclusions as to what the mindset was. Kind of out of it that day. It seems to make sense but it also requires the right situations. I don't work with any attractive women, it's a small company and consists of mostly men. So where can this be applied, I always assumed bars and stuff were bad places to try. I kind of use to do this when I was younger though and was able to pick up a few, but they got clingy as hell almost instantly. But of course I …
/r/Divorce_Men09/03/23 01:11 PM
3

“we can revisit that idea in a couple years” I wouldn't let that scare you. She obviously doesn't want any more kids currently and didn't want to hurt your feelings. Plus I mean you guys have only been together less than two years... But who knows, if you guys stay together for the long term she might change her mind.
/r/Divorce_Men07/03/23 08:45 PM
1

Was it free? And is it simple to activate? Obviously it's worth paying for one, but I was just curious. I need something, it seems like a phone recorder would be easier than a standalone one. And it doesn't look suspicious.
/r/Divorce_Men07/03/23 08:40 PM
1

Does it not kill the battery? And does the app run covertly in the back ground?
/r/Divorce_Men07/03/23 07:16 PM
1

Ya... for sure working on myself now. She noticed also and made some comments, already lost weight and it's obvious I am taking better care of myself. She doesn't seem overly pleased... very odd considering she is the one who wanted a divorce. "Oh so now you care" - wife I did say "well ya, I will have to find someone new"...
/r/Divorce_Men07/03/23 06:29 PM
2

I will check it out, and ya I completely agree. I never realized how fucked up that could be when we met. I was a bit more active socially when younger so I never thought about it. But as of today she always wants to go dancing or something random. Most likely to show herself off, ever since the tummy tuck she got she ramped it. She never tried to go without me anywhere, but when I would go it became pretty obvious how different we are. She gets cringy as hell... especially when wine becomes inv…
/r/Divorce_Men07/03/23 06:27 PM
1

Thank you for the advice, and I guess you are right. If the proceeds get split 50/50 as the norm, every dollar I put into it loses 1/2 it's value in a way (since I lose it). I don't want to pull my kid from this school year until it's over though. That's one of the biggest issues right now and making me "stuck". The house is in a weird situation legally which I will bring up to my attorney during our next meeting. I filed bankruptcy many years ago and did not re-affirm the mortgage (which is nor…
/r/Divorce_Men07/03/23 06:23 PM
2

All of the above for me as well. I lost touch with everyone, got out of shape, and became more withdrawn. I luckily DO have hobbies, but I for sure got kind of "stuck" due to my wife's personality (which is actually extroverted), but a lot of people kind of drifted away because she can be a bit much. And of course after many years we started to become somewhat alone and I got blamed... lol
/r/Divorce_Men07/03/23 04:25 PM
1

Wow... that is pretty awesome. I can see her trying to screw me over on the kids if we filed prior, or holding them hostage over me. Now it's kind of a reverse UNO, as if she fucks me over on the kids I won't be as nice during the divorce.
/r/Divorce_Men07/03/23 03:07 PM
2

Thanks for those words. You hit the nail on the head for how I am feeling.
/r/Divorce_Men07/03/23 03:05 PM
2

Thank you for that, I am starting to finally come to grips with the changes incoming. Spoke to an attorney, seeing a therapist, started to cut calories and doing things like walks and pushups. Nothing "hit the gym" level but it might take me awhile as I have pretty back social anxiety. I also got in touch with a good friend I have known since 4th grade. She has been checking on me every few days. I guess I am fairly lucky.
/r/Divorce_Men07/03/23 03:03 PM
1

Isn't that like free prostitution?
/r/Divorce_Men07/03/23 02:58 PM
1

I saw a therapist last week (see her today also) and she went over the stages of both of us. Watching especially her behavior play out has been mind blowing. She told me my wife was a few steps ahead of me, and that's why she is showing lack of emotion. She just entered the anxiety stage, and I can tell. Personally last week I was absolutely sick, depressed and crushed. I couldn't eat for days, I ended up losing 8lbs. That started to fade and now I am pissed off.
/r/Divorce_Men07/03/23 02:57 PM
1

Ya I can see that, it's been decades since I experienced anything else. And my wife is pretty "boring" in general. I am not a "freak" or have wild fetishes or anything but you make a good point. Funny enough she kind of called ME out on being "lazy" during sex. lol Whatever.
/r/Divorce_Men07/03/23 02:54 PM
1

I was afraid I’d never find another woman as attractive as she was/is. I feel that way now due to my low self esteem. I am old now of course. I didn't age as well, but of course she had things like a tummy tuck etc. I always kind of felt mismatched when we went to events, I felt like she was the most beautiful women in the room, and I wasn't on the same level. I can't say I stayed in shape though. I do have an opportunity though to make changes and started recently counting calories. Added some …
/r/Divorce_Men07/03/23 02:52 PM
2

I did think about that... she is a huge PITA to deal with. On all levels, as she is highly educated and was a professor. What that means is that she "lectures" during conversations and LOVES debating everything. She also thinks she is always right and smarter than everyone. All I have to do is brush off one social issue, and it's on. Sometimes she holds onto that for a few days and it comes out of nowhere. For instance we got into an argument about M&Ms and the shoe controversy. It ended with me…
/r/Divorce_Men07/03/23 02:40 PM
1

That is a very good point. I am hooked and became a junkie. Now I need to detox and get my head straightened out.
/r/Divorce_Men07/03/23 02:37 PM
1

I guess lack of self esteem. I am old now, and don't think I look great. I did get back on the health kick, counting calories, started some basic things like pushups etc. I started a few days prior to this bomb as I felt like something was wrong (obviously I was right). At that point I assumed I needed to improve for myself. Due to being all fucked up last week, and sticking to my calories I lost an unhealthy 10lbs. But luckily I got that straightened out a few days ago and getting the right nut…
/r/Divorce_Men07/03/23 02:36 PM
1

Ya I did a lot of things for my wife that were straight loving as well. I always brought her coffee in bed, always ran her a bath, rubbed her back (she has spine issues), etc. I did everything I could to be loving and caring. Throwing all that away AND not giving a shit really hurts.
/r/Divorce_Men07/03/23 01:52 PM
1

In order to cash out I need to fix a lot of things. I did do some major work on it over the past year, but I wish I had a bit more time to finish some things up. When she had the "3 month" idea, that was one of the positives for me. Plus we could start cleaning crap out. All I had to do is survive, which is something I am having more issues with than I thought I would. She is being manipulative right now also. Hints at trying to work on her mental health, and then our direct relationship (she do…
/r/Divorce_Men07/03/23 01:39 PM
2

Glad to see someone is dealing with the same situation. I can't do anything anymore (relief wise) due to ALWAYS having her in my mind. I don't watch or like porn, and can't dive into any fantasies. So I have so much pent up urges but can't get that release. What sucks is since I am so attracted to her, once that release happens I had moments of clarity from time to time. So I was able to go from "ugh, I want to XYZ" to "man she is a bitch". Ya I put up with a lot over the years due to looks alon…
/r/Divorce_Men07/03/23 01:35 PM
3

I guess it’s more of a thing that I claimed her and now she’s not mine. That's a good way to put it.
/r/Divorce_Men07/03/23 01:30 PM
3

Ya think a lot about her in regards to sex, almost more than anything else. I was curious if that was a normal thing, at least early on. But it did kind of wake me up to the fact on how shallow this situation has become. She also carries herself with a touch of arrogance, her tummy tuck last summer REALLY ignited that.
/r/Divorce_Men07/03/23 01:29 PM
1

My son and I have a very strong bond and spend a lot of time sharing hobbies together. I actually am his only friend as well, as he has autism. He is high functioning and qualified for the gifted program though. My daughter also is high functioning and holds a job, is taking college classes etc. But my wife has pulled their disorder out a few times. I don't know HOW that will play into all this though. I do know my son will want to spend a lot of time with me. I did learn at this point that she …
/r/Divorce_Men07/03/23 01:26 PM
1

So far number one was was the biggest advice my Attorney gave me. I haven't had a chance to go over everything yet, but will be in the next week. Thanks for the links! So if I drag my feet on this for a few years how do we handle the current living situation / money? I don't think I can live with her for 2 years... and she honestly has no where to go. I know I shouldn't give a shit, but my 2 kids need her to take them to work and school.
/r/Divorce_Men06/03/23 08:21 PM
2

Ya it's been pretty horrifying, I would much rather her be angry and acting like a bitch. Than acting like nothing is wrong. That hurts more than anything...
/r/Divorce_Men06/03/23 07:02 PM
1

To be honest it will be better if I move out due to my kids school / work. I work all day, she stays at home. My attorney told me for now to NOT leave as long as things are civil. That probably is part of the reason though you mentioned ex parte.
/r/Divorce_Men06/03/23 07:00 PM
1

Well maybe you could join a pickle ball club / league? I don't know much about how that works though. Woodworking has to be stress relieving though. It's good you already have things that you are passionate about. Ya I don't have much hope at all either. My wife has said some pretty nail in the coffin things to me this past week. In fact I just spoke to her an hour ago and she is on this tirade about how she was feeling better than ever, but now... ya I ruined that. I need to fucking let her go.…
/r/Divorce_Men06/03/23 06:57 PM
1

That is awesome! I wish you all the best!
/r/Divorce_Men06/03/23 06:42 PM
2

Well, until she comes crawling back because Mr Right Now turned out to be a douchbag. I imagine a lot of the guys involved in affairs DO NOT want the women to divorce and run into their arms. They say all sorts of things to get some side action... then say "oh... fuck..." when it actually happens.
/r/Divorce_Men06/03/23 03:42 PM
2

Same here at 19 years. I got the bomb dropped on me 8 days ago. She became disconnected emotionally from me several weeks prior. Then after pushing to find out what was wrong she blurted out, "I am no longer attracted to you physically or emotionally". I went to instant grovel mode... brought up therapy, saving our marriage, working things out for the kids, everything. She was extremely adamant on how she felt. I have been fucking wrecked over the past week. The entire "beg" thing happened twice…
/r/Divorce_Men06/03/23 03:38 PM
1

I know that's what is going to happen to me. My wife is all "concerned" about my future well being right now. I can tell it's pure manipulation. Shit is going to get ugly as hell.
/r/Divorce_Men06/03/23 03:26 PM
1

So you are currently going through this as well? Ya I made some changes and I can tell she isn't a huge fan. I started counting calories again as it worked well for me in the past. I started to do some more simple exercises (push ups until collapse) and walking. I also talked about getting my hair cut... which I have always done myself (15 years). She has thrown out some quips about it. Got concerned one night last week when I didn't eat a ton. And even straight said "oh you wouldn't do that unt…
/r/Divorce_Men06/03/23 02:43 PM
2

Ya I lost 8lbs last week. I finally forced myself to eat more though and almost hitting my calorie goals now (CICO). I also have been doing some easy things like pushups and walking. AND... staying the fuck away from her mostly in the house. I still am tip toeing the line of keeping things "normal" for the kids though. At this point I am getting a divorce, she already back tracked a bit. Which I am 100% sure is about money, and she got anxious. I am not blind to it though, and in therapy luckily…
/r/Divorce_Men06/03/23 02:36 PM
1

My therapist said the same thing. It was so damn hard last week to keep that up. I hope that it's not rare for a guy to buckle at first. I have tried to stay strong and see through her BS. And I know I have it in me to do so. Thanks for the help!
/r/Divorce_Men06/03/23 02:29 PM
1

I can tell all of a sudden my wife is freaking out about her future lifestyle. I am pretty sure she has been cheating, but I have to wonder if this guy noped out as soon as he found out about the divorce. Mostly due to the fact that I would be paying a lot of child support and alimony. All she needed is a random guy to help take care of her. In my mind I imagine the affair situation is exciting due to it's nature. And when a guy finds out the women is leaving her husband for you it might freak t…
/r/Divorce_Men06/03/23 02:28 PM
1

I started to realize that, I have been suspect this entire time. I tried a few things to find out, did a bit of digging but nothing so far. Which included listening inside the house, going through her phone at random. And checking the call and text logs. I also can track her location... she barely ever goes anywhere though. When she does everything matches up, I also have an outdoor camera. I don't know what else to do at this point. My thought is that she possibly is using something like snap c…
/r/Divorce_Men06/03/23 02:23 PM
1

I didn't know you could do that? How does that work when you obviously co-habitat? I mean it's tech her house as well.
/r/Divorce_Men06/03/23 02:19 PM
1

I can see that, especially when she realizes I want out. I haven't actually said that yet, and was a little bitch last week. I caved and brought up "working" on the marriage twice. The second time she decided that maybe we should. But yet going through the next three days stayed just as distant. And even better slipped on how expensive apartments are now.......... that woke me up REALLY fast.
/r/Divorce_Men06/03/23 02:19 PM
2

It did, at least for a few days until the weekend. I fell once again for BS last night when she wanted to hold hands when sleeping. She has NEVER done that before. I realized it was manipulation this morning. And seemingly was a show of "love" at arms length (literally). It for sure slapped me into waking up.
/r/Divorce_Men06/03/23 02:16 PM
2

I said no to a few things earlier last week, I was trying to stick to the 180 method. However she got pissed about it due to thinking the kids would notice something was wrong. I know damn well they know that already. I have been a little bitch though the past week. Caved twice on the entire "therapy" thing. She all of a sudden wants to work on things... then let it slip on how expensive apartments are... LMAO... seriously? I guess women think men are fucking idiots. That was a slap in the face …
/r/Divorce_Men06/03/23 02:14 PM
1

Ya I didn't play the game last week as well as my therapist hoped. I caved a few times and did the entire "we should try therapy" bullshit. But I heard that isn't uncommon. My wife flip flopped all over the damn place herself. I can tell she went into "regret" mode due to simply money. And kind of wants to work on things... probably because she no longer would be able to afford a designer hand bag for each outfit.
/r/Divorce_Men06/03/23 02:11 PM
1

We haven't had any intimacy in three weeks. Outside of two hugs... I guess at least I got that going for me.
/r/Divorce_Men06/03/23 02:09 PM
1

Well said. Ya she 100% to keep her life the same. I think at the start she imagined herself living on like nothing happened. At some point she found out different. And then had a change of heart. Then she eventually realized that her life would suck. She would have to get a fucking job, and wouldn't have the money to have a matching designer purse for each outfit. I would be fine, my mom has a lot of money and said she would just buy me a condo. Funny enough she all of a sudden wants to try and …
/r/Divorce_Men06/03/23 02:08 PM
1

Ya the past few days she has gotten weird... and ramped up the manipulation. She even "decided" that maybe we should work on the marriage. AKA now I will have to file, and take the blame. However she HAS to think I am fucking stupid. For one thing last night she decided to reach out and hold hands while we slept. Hasn't done that once during out entire marriage. However only hugged me ONCE over the past few days, and was silent in the car. She also pretty much made it slip that she's only worrie…
/r/Divorce_Men06/03/23 01:55 PM
1

I am trying to stay as strong as possible with that crap (180, Grey Rock). But I caved several times over the past week. My mindset today is that we are getting a divorce. I realized that it's the best way to look at things. She keeps doing and saying stupid shit also... like last night she reached out to hold my hand while sleeping... we have never held hands in 20 years in bed. She also is trying to manipulate me in general and it's becoming obvious it's purely money. I mean don't let it slip …
/r/Divorce_Men06/03/23 01:51 PM
1

Over the weekend my wife went into "sus" mode. She said the horrible things she did, wrecked me for a week, then flipped saying that she did want to stay married and work on things. She kind of fucked up by mentioned how expensive apartments were... LOL I shook my head and kind of chuckled to myself. If she wanted to trick me... don't fucking say dumb shit like that. But at this point I guess she wants me to take the blame so she can try to get empathy. As her life style is going to come crashin…
/r/Divorce_Men06/03/23 01:44 PM
1

Wow... ya my wife kind of transitioned to this weird hand holding in bed thing. It started last night and we had never in 20 years done that. I instantly thought "aww this is nice", since she said she would work on things. Then woke up this morning and realized it was BS manipulation. As I believe she wanted me to have a "arms length" affection session.
/r/Divorce_Men06/03/23 01:41 PM
1

Thanks for that. It for sure has fucked with my head, and instilled false hope. I have gotten stronger as the week has gone on, somehow. And finally started to accept things. I am now envisioning the future without her. It's so fucked up though.. I just don't get how someone could do this to someone they supposedly loved. Being unhappy, wanting a divorce, fine. Fucking with your head, manipulation, etc.... what in the fuck.
/r/Divorce_Men03/03/23 01:04 PM
2

When you refuse them trying to do that, does it cause any negative emotions in them? It would just be a nice peace of mind that it has some effect.
/r/Divorce_Men02/03/23 08:12 PM
2

Thank you.
/r/Divorce_Men02/03/23 07:54 PM
2

I am doing what I can, being that it's only day 5 I still haven't really slept or eaten much. I have been forcing myself to though just so I don't die. I played some games with my son (PC), and got outside to do astrophotography with him a few nights ago as well.
/r/Divorce_Men02/03/23 07:53 PM
1

=) Thank you. Luckily I am not really falling for it. It just seemed really odd to me, I have done a pretty good job I think with it only being 5 days in. I did grovel a bit, ask for join therapy etc. But have been pretty stone cold otherwise.
/r/Divorce_Men02/03/23 07:50 PM
1

I know that's a bad thing, but what does it mean?
/r/Divorce_Men02/03/23 07:49 PM
2

Man, I really feel you.
/r/Divorce_Men02/03/23 07:48 PM
2

You know that would be a great idea. If you are going to demand one, fucking get it then. It seems like there are a lot of us that have to play this confusing game.
/r/Divorce_Men02/03/23 07:46 PM
2

We will probably go on a walk tonight with my son. I don't actually want to go with her, she just kind of joined. Again another show of "friendship" I suppose. I don't know if she is having second thoughts though. She has been pretty cold otherwise, and really disinterested in trying therapy. I have this feeling she recently learned that she isn't going to get what she thought, and might be trying to screw with my emotions. I just put a lot of crap together. Sorry about your situation, thinking …
/r/Divorce_Men02/03/23 07:45 PM
1

Thank you very much, that makes me feel better. I see my lawyer tomorrow, she doesn't know of course.
/r/Divorce_Men02/03/23 07:03 PM
2

Thank you for that advice! I am doing fairly good so far at not seeking any affection. I know she would hug me back if I tried for instance. I 100% want to SO DAMN BAD. I really lucked out getting into a therapist so quickly and she slapped that right out of me. Hopefully this one works out like yours did. Ya I keep seeing people say to concentrate on yourself for a solid year, prior to even dating. I can see trying to find someone quickly to "use" as a crutch being a really bad idea. I plan to …
/r/Divorce_Men02/03/23 07:01 PM
3

How do you navigate that when someone crushes you? I keep trying to figure out how I will deal with her after. I mean eventually you get the "new" life she creates to suck up and deal with.
/r/Divorce_Men02/03/23 05:57 PM
1

"No fault" divorce state I just looked it up, my state is a no-fault divorce state. I guess that's both good and bad. At least I don't need to go into full on panic mode trying to gather evidence.
/r/Divorce_Men02/03/23 05:56 PM
1

Thank you, do you know of anything else I should be paying attention to?
/r/Divorce_Men02/03/23 05:53 PM
7

That's a very good point. I will always be able to take care of them if she can't.
/r/Divorce_Men02/03/23 05:52 PM
2

she has probably been planning this for months so she is mentally and tactically prepared My therapist said the same thing. She even broke out a chart of the different stages of divorce. She said my wife was two steps ahead of me right now. And that was why it seems so easy for her. Your dads words are great, and give me a lot of clarity.
/r/Divorce_Men02/03/23 05:51 PM
4

For her to come back? I did that already... three times. I even eventually guilted her into trying therapy. I was suppose to make an appointment for it, then didn't. She ended up asking if I had, I told her no that there wasn't any point if she didn't want to try. I felt good about that actually.
/r/Divorce_Men02/03/23 05:48 PM
1

Ya I don't want to do it. I get so many mixed opinions on the idea. I don't think my state gives a shit either in regards to legalities. It is adding so much stress and I am barely hanging on. But then I keep getting sparks on wanting to know... however I don't want to sit there listening to a recorder anxiously every day. She also plans on trying to destroy my character, having the defense of "she cheated" would be amazing. BUT I don't think it's worth it anymore... I am exhausted.
/r/Divorce_Men02/03/23 05:45 PM
1

Thank you, and that makes sense. So she might actually have a tiny bit of guilt deep inside? Do you think when I shut her down it "hurts"? I hope so, at least that will give me some peace of mind.
/r/Divorce_Men02/03/23 05:43 PM
1

I gotta take the cash out. How much are reliable ones? I could always get cash back at the store.
/r/Divorce_Men02/03/23 05:42 PM
1

I will check it out, thank you!
/r/Divorce_Men02/03/23 05:41 PM
5

My wife still does all that. But it's always been routine and she is still thinking we will be friends. We had dinner the other night (she cooked), but I haven't been eating much due to feeling too depressed. When I didn't eat much that meal she said "you need to eat more it's unhealthy" (wtf do you care). She also has washed my clothes since, and still is keeping up on the house. But ya everyone made me realize she is really pushing us being best friends, and keeping up an illusion right now th…
/r/Divorce_Men02/03/23 05:40 PM
7

Ya I guess I need to forget the "US" and just use the "ME". With of course taking the kids into consideration.
/r/Divorce_Men02/03/23 05:35 PM
1

You for sure are one of the few that has kept a tiny bit of positivity in this situation. She did a few things that I believe were habit, I called her back yesterday and she said the same thing she always does "hi, sweetie". But yet we both have completely stopped ending calls with "love you". This morning I left for work, she tossed out a love you. I didn't respond. So maybe that was less vindictive, and more habit. I will pay close attention and stay as strong as I can. I am going to write dow…
/r/Divorce_Men02/03/23 05:34 PM
4

ugh... I need to repeat that to myself.
/r/Divorce_Men02/03/23 05:29 PM
1

I was lucky enough to get into therapy just two days after the bomb. She told me how I needed to carry myself, it has been very fucking hard indeed. I can see her thinking that, but I don't know how people fall for it? I mean when it happens your heart has been ripped out and tossed into a fire. Being a tiny bit nice, won't bring that back... ever. Although I suppose I did have several days of delusion, so never mind.
/r/Divorce_Men02/03/23 05:28 PM
7

Thanks for giving me a wake up call. And ya my wife has made it very clear that she wants to be friends as well, simply due to the kids. I can already see her hitting a rough financial patch and calling me. Then using the kids as leverage... like if the car breaks down etc. "I need 2k, the kids can't get to school!" How DO people deal with that by the way? I mean they are still your kids. Ya I know, I was a bad husband (bs), she got miserable, detached and straight blew up my wife. Leaving me to…
/r/Divorce_Men02/03/23 05:25 PM
1

She has made it pretty clear that she wants us to be friends. As she is pretty concerned about us getting along after this is all over due to the kids. I know a lot of people are warning about manipulation, but I don't see how this is helping her. I have done a fairly good job on not giving up any "feelings" during those moments. I instantly walk away from any incidents kind of shaking my head.
/r/Divorce_Men02/03/23 05:18 PM
2

You're doing great and you're on the path to become the man you want to be. That nearly made me tear up, thank you so much for that. Do those "temporary" feel good chemicals increase in duration over time? I know some of the hurt from this will always stick with me. But through therapy and time (once its over) I will take any feel goods I can.
/r/Divorce_Men02/03/23 05:14 PM
2

I am not going to say anything again. Thank you for slapping a bit of sense into me. You are right I need to get a VAR, trying to figure out how to buy it without her noticing. We track every penny spent.
/r/Divorce_Men02/03/23 04:35 PM
4

Thank you very much.
/r/Divorce_Men02/03/23 04:32 PM
3

Why do you think she is using that particular tactic? Just to gain empathy, and less likely to fight on things? I suppose the only good thing is that I knew it was sketch.
/r/Divorce_Men02/03/23 04:31 PM
6

It's for 3 months. But I don't disagree with you, this has been torture. The only new thing that came up was the fact that we are going to have to sell the house. There are some things I need to repair and do in order to hit the market. Being there over the next three months would give me time to do it. As I know once this process starts we won't want to be living together.
/r/Divorce_Men02/03/23 04:29 PM
1

Ya I know they know... they sneak about and probably have heard some of the conversations. The sticking it out through the school year thing is kind of fucking stupid. You are the first person that has mentioned faking it being worth something. How do I use that as a tool of manipulation? People keep saying to have her served. I think I am in some delusion that if she does, I at least get a bit more time in my home with my kids. And since the house will be sold I need to fix up somethings. I can…
/r/Divorce_Men02/03/23 04:27 PM
6

I obviously failed with the hand thing, but I have been acting different towards her. My therapist gave me some empowerment, I felt really good for a few hours that day. That fell apart, so this is pretty a guilt coping mechanism for her? I am going to assume I need to stay the fuck away from that.
/r/Divorce_Men02/03/23 04:22 PM
1

Ya I kind of actually fucked up yesterday. I ended up putting up my old outdoor camera to watch the house. She didn't know that I did (it's hidden). This was the first day she would be alone in the house in 6. I figured if something was going on that would be the day. I got alerted a few times, checked and saw her leave and come back, but it was only 30 minutes. Most of the day went by. I didn't see anyone show up. At first I was relieved, I didn't write it off but at least nothing happened that…
/r/Divorce_Men02/03/23 03:08 PM
2

Thank you very much, I needed a reality check. I started doing the 180 and it caused a bit of conflict due to the kids noticing something was wrong. Obviously right now I am trying to at least keep peace until I meet with my attorney (tomorrow). So I faked yesterday.
/r/Divorce_Men02/03/23 02:53 PM
1

Ya this divorce is going to be a nightmare. She has been pretty forthcoming about what she expects, as well her plans to combat it... which is pretty fucking stupid in my opinion. Now I get to go to my attorney Friday, and tell him everything. I am certain she hasn't even talked to one, unless she has done some online consultation. I also know my attorney is brutal as he did my moms divorce case. He also is a former DA, old, and gets pissed. I don't know what my wife will do, we don't have a lot…
/r/Divorce_Men01/03/23 04:53 PM
2

I quickly was able to get into a therapist and had a session with her yesterday. I actually felt a tiny bit better, at least for a few hours. Things kind of fizzled out but it did give me peace of mind that it should be beneficial. I plan on going weekly from now until maybe forever. I started up CICO again, actually a few days before the "conversation". I was able to lose a ton of weight with it years ago. So I know I can do it. Since last week I lost 6 pounds. But I know it wasn't healthy (I c…
/r/Divorce_Men01/03/23 03:39 PM
1

Did that still hurt? Or at this point were you able to say "fuck it"?
/r/Divorce_Men01/03/23 03:35 PM
1

Ya it took me awhile, so many red flags. I kept going through each and coming up with plausible explanations for each one. One odd thing that happened is that my wife said we needed a ring put up last night. As our door bell is missing due to a new door. She barely goes anywhere, and I don't think knows her tracking is on. I don't trust her, it was weird. Either A. she has been doing it, and now is stopping to avoid being caught (and can prove it). Or maybe someone isn't coming over... she wants…
/r/Divorce_Men01/03/23 03:33 PM
2

Obviously I am going to let my attorney know about this Friday. Plus the past three years of her behavior in regards to the massive amount of paranoia. Which caused so much stress my therapist's eyes widened on HOW I survived it. I never gave that any thought today, do people sometimes share some of those things?
/r/Divorce_Men01/03/23 03:25 PM
1

I can see that. I really hoped everyone would say no, that it was pointless. But the character defense, especially when she is wanting to destroy mine would be helpful. BUT... man I don't know if I have it in me to dig into trying to find something. So far I am a wreck, the anxiety and dose of desperation sounds overwhelming.
/r/Divorce_Men28/02/23 03:38 PM
1

I don't think I do, it seems all of the backwards states don't protect people in these situations. My parents got divorced recently (dad cheated), and there was a mountain of evidence. But outside of the "hopeful" empathy from a judge. There wasn't any weight to it. They settled without the courts involvement though. I actually hoped it wouldn't provide benefit to me, simply due to the "spy game". If it did I would go into panic mode... and I have enough emotions I am dealing with already.
/r/Divorce_Men28/02/23 03:36 PM
1

She just came out and threatened to "tell" people a bunch of crap she made up this morning... even in regards to sex. Said "you wouldn't want the kids to know about this would you"? What... the... fuck... Is this a "thing" in these situations?
/r/Divorce_Men28/02/23 03:33 PM
1

I meet with my attorney Friday, I had reached out to my mom yesterday and she talked to him briefly (it's her attorney, she and my dad recently divorced). The only thing he advised me to do at the moment was NOT to leave my house as long as things were calm and civil. She wants to stick this out until my son is done with school (3 months) to not stress him. But ya my dad had an affair, it helps in regards to final judgment "perception", but my stupid state doesn't have any real laws on the books…
/r/Divorce_Men28/02/23 02:01 PM
1

Two kids, and we originally agreed to wait 3 months until my son finished the school year. I contacted an attorney the day after she said "divorce" and he told me IF we could stay civil it is best to not just leave my home. In my state it's considered "abandonment" I didn't get the full details but I meet in person with him on Friday. My wife seems fine, and so far we just go about our days as usual. I see a therapist today as I am NOT fine internally. And ya I am glad so many are saying it does…
/r/Divorce_Men28/02/23 01:02 PM
2

That makes sense, she didn't offer anything except denial. And obviously would never admit to anything, but I assume that is common. I find myself STILL trying to reason it out... I see a therapist today at 11 for the first time luckily.
/r/Divorce_Men28/02/23 12:56 PM
2

If people honestly feel that it's stupid as fuck and there is nothing to gain... I am not (as shocking as it sounds). I need sound advice that I can actually hang onto for my own sanity.
/r/Divorce_Men27/02/23 08:56 PM
0

Thank you, I was hoping that actually was the answer. As I need to try and keep my head clear as much as possible obviously. She wants to stick together for 3 months until my sons done with school, but yet for us to "act normal". She seems super happy... I fucking look like a zombie (haven't slept or eaten". I don't know how I am supposed to pull that off...
/r/Divorce_Men27/02/23 08:54 PM
1

She keeps pushing for us to "act normal" so we don't upset the kids. But I for sure will take that advice. There isn't any reason to hug, or be overly kind at this point. She gets sus of EVERYTHING also... do you think it's a good idea to stop tip toeing and updating her on what I am doing? AKA, fall off the grid when I am not at home?
/r/Divorce_Men27/02/23 08:51 PM
1

What's grey rock and 180?
/r/Divorce_Men27/02/23 08:38 PM
2

Thank you so much, those words did make me feel better. Ya I mean anyone who is willing to step into a marriage and essentially "home wreck" it can't be a good moral person. So she is literally running off into the arms of true POS and I guess if they stay together trusting him to never do it again... and from what I have read those habits die hard.
/r/Divorce_Men27/02/23 08:12 PM
2

I do have a feeling that some of the unjustified lack of trust helped bring us to where we are now. Which if I look at it that way I suppose it's not all her fault. I mean if honestly thought my spouse was being unfaithful, or not very understanding over several years I get it. And considering I think she is cheating, I also can see being at a point where she NEEDED to feel like someone would listen. My mom made a good point today, she said if you didn't REALLY know my wife, or some of the bizar…
/r/Divorce_Men27/02/23 07:26 PM
2

told me she had no attraction on any level. Intellectually emotionally or physically How did you deal with that? It not only killed me but I am sitting here feeling shitty about myself. =( I tried hard to convince her to give therapy a shot, but then of course she re stated what you said. She said it so fucking cold I just knew to not ask again.
/r/Divorce_Men27/02/23 06:11 PM
1

That is very well said. I read through it a few times and took a deep breath. You are right, I am sure a lot of this hurt is coming from the routine and what I thought was security. And the very fact that she has it in her to do this... means she doesn't deserve me. And ya this other guy BS is frustrating but you are right. They dated fairly intensely for a few years prior to us meeting. He somehow managed to kind of always stay on her radar, even if she was dating other people. I do know he got…
/r/Divorce_Men27/02/23 06:08 PM
1

I know it can be really tough. But my kids aren't a stressor, one is 20 in college and completely independent. The other is gifted and also fully independent. They just have their own "quirks". As mentioned we have had our ups and downs. But the past three years my wife had somewhat of a psychiatric issue going on centered around paranoia. She never realized it, so there wasn't any way to help her. I think due to that it might have pushed her in need of more emotional support. As I didn't do a g…
/r/Divorce_Men27/02/23 02:06 PM
2

OK so skip out on the "marriage and family" type and go straight to a therapist. I suppose once this is all over I could keep seeing them in regards to everything else. Thanks for the help!
/r/Divorce_Men27/02/23 01:45 PM
2

So you went to marriage counseling solo after? I don't think my wife is interested in doing anything on her own as I got a feeling she has "reasons" as to why she has stayed so normal.
/r/Divorce_Men27/02/23 01:26 PM
1

How do you handle the kid factor? I obviously will be paying alimony and child support but that won't be enough. I am looking right now for a therapist, but I am not sure what type to get. I see marriage therapists... and of course "general" ones. Thoughts?
/r/Divorce_Men27/02/23 01:22 PM
3

I am asking about what type of therapist. Such as general one, or one that specializes in marriage counseling. I know they will see people on their own, and probably experienced in dealing with these situations. But I still didn't know what people did here in that regard. In person for sure. I started to count calories last week. In the past I was able to lose 70lbs doing it so I know I can. I started doing things like pushups recently but the gym thing seems like a good idea. I do feel like get…
/r/Divorce_Men27/02/23 01:15 PM
1

All the best to you!
/r/Divorce_Men24/02/23 04:18 PM
2

I am in the same situation now. My wife has made me feel like a horrible person and blames me for everything. I admit I was never very romantic, but have always been faithful, loving and stood by her no matter what. Sure I didn't plan out romantic dinners and trips (we couldn't afford it), but she pointed those types of examples out many times. I tried to step things up and she got weird about it... all I wanted to do was try to improve. So I am stuck in this position where I can't do better... …
/r/Divorce_Men24/02/23 03:33 PM
2

someone else's problem now. That is something that makes me feel better. I swear my wife suffers from paranoid personality disorder. The lack of trust in ANYONE is disturbing. And I imagine whoever will be next will eventually suffer. I mean it's almost laughable if she is cheating.. that person is so fucked.
/r/Divorce_Men24/02/23 03:21 PM
2

I think that was actually very kind of you. It was obviously NOT the best position to be in, and it hurts. But the empathy you showed in this situation was impressive. It really reflects on how good of a person you are.
/r/Divorce_Men24/02/23 03:18 PM
1

Weird question but how bad does this bother you after "re-leaving" yourself? I have found in past relationships that when I got worked up all these emotions skyrocketed. Even in regards to suspicions of cheating. I had some clarity and my emotions went back to "oh fucking well". Which taught me my anger and hurt was based just around sex.
/r/Divorce_Men24/02/23 03:14 PM
3

Not trying to judge but some of these things don't seem healthy...lol Smoking, tanning, dating apps, sex toys, going out to ink and pierce up. Sure we need to try and anew... but outside of working out not sure if anything else is a positive. =P My advice would be to seek therapy to help navigate the emotions. Work on your health via eating better and becoming more active. Pick up a few new hobbies, and reflect on your inner self. Or... start smoking, I guess. /shrug
/r/Divorce_Men24/02/23 03:05 PM
1

Considering the fuse hasn't been lit yet I think about HOW I could cope. I keep telling myself the same thing, that I need to worry about myself. Did you ever get therapy to help navigate through everything? I believe I am going to need it.
/r/Divorce_Men24/02/23 02:59 PM
2

When she told me she wanted out she was so cold When my wife brought up the subject she also seemed so matter of fact about it. When the "we need a break" talk happened even more so. I just don't fucking get how people can do that without emotion.
/r/Divorce_Men24/02/23 02:57 PM
1

I guess it kind of feels like when a loved one dies. You mourn, your depressed and then the burial happens. Everything sinks in even more.
/r/Divorce_Men24/02/23 02:56 PM
3

I don't know how some people can deal with having small children that don't understand. Not only that but ask where did daddy go? God that is crushing to imagine and I really feel for the dads that have to go through that.
/r/Divorce_Men24/02/23 02:54 PM
2

You as well!
/r/Divorce_Men24/02/23 02:50 PM
1

Thanks for explaining that too me. Obviously I want to give support to my kids, but my eldest as mentioned is in college AND works. She kind of takes care of her own needs by choice.
/r/Divorce_Men24/02/23 02:50 PM
2

I am so sorry to hear that. I try to imagine how I will feel, and if I can be strong but my mental health and confidence isn't top tier. The entire "reaching out" thing has to be brutal as hell. =(
/r/Divorce_Men23/02/23 08:49 PM
1

Thanks for sharing that experience. I feel a lot better now that so many have assured me that she is crazy. Child support wise what is the normal cut-off? My kid is still in college, I didn't know if that granted something special or not. Luckily I don't feel like my kids are suffering outside of some annoyances. My eldest for sure knows how erratic she has been. Which I guess I am lucky to have someone around that has witnessed a lot of her insanity. Ya the work thing is bullshit for sure. She …
/r/Divorce_Men23/02/23 08:47 PM
1

Thank you!
/r/Divorce_Men23/02/23 01:20 PM
2

Did you start to feel better eventually after stepping away from that situation? My wife seems to match a lot of what you said. The only thing I will say is that her paranoia has gone well beyond the common accusation stage. The types of things she has accused other people of isolated us. Something for sure has been wrong for several years. But ya not sure if I read it right, but did your ex end up trying to destroy your character?
/r/Divorce_Men23/02/23 01:19 PM
1

Thank you
/r/Divorce_Men23/02/23 01:15 PM
1

I never thought about the last point. Although she obviously "denies" anything is wrong due to confirming all of her suspicious (she has been paranoid for several years). Although obviously she would have to note a reason as to why she can't work. And considering nothing is wrong she doesn't have anything medical record wise to back it up. She did see a therapist for a short while, until she got suspicious of her. Legit something is wrong. Her entire reasoning sounds "off" to anyone that hears i…
/r/Divorce_Men23/02/23 01:15 PM
1

I kind of felt that way, the income thing in particular is frustrating. I know her initial quitting of the job was based on delusion. And I do know she has been depressed over it because she loved what she did. So I don't think it was a ruse. BUT I also obviously can't 100% hand over my check so her life just goes on. I won't be able to eat...
/r/Divorce_Men23/02/23 01:12 PM
1

Well I didn't fully believe that would be possible, but I also wanted to see how others handled the same situation. As I know the kid thing is common. I also am not sure HOW much of it could be possible overall. I can't afford to fully support her, pay for our home etc and still eat.
/r/Divorce_Men23/02/23 01:11 PM
3

The mental illness thing hurts because I can tell something isn't right and has been for several years. Honestly there is an "abandonment" feeling as weird as it sounds on my end. If I went into detail on some of the things she has freaked out over it would for sure make others say "wtf". Put it this way, it has been bad enough to seek extensive care but of course she never see's it. IF we didn't have kids (I know a common thought), walking away and saying "fuck it fine" would be much easier. An…
/r/Divorce_Men23/02/23 01:09 PM
2

Thank you
/r/Divorce_Men23/02/23 01:06 PM
1

Ya I luckily am not oblivious to the last part. But it does make me feel a bit better knowing this is a common thing. Thanks =)
/r/Divorce_Men23/02/23 01:05 PM
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