Full custody

Mynewadventures · 2024-01-26T18:47:04+00:00

Why would there even be a conversation about custody of middle aged children?

MonarchistExtreme · 2024-01-26T17:54:50+00:00

Focus on being the best dad ever and putting your kids first emotionally (not financially that just gives a moment of appreciation and it quickly evaporates). Being present emotionally, you can't fake that. Soon your girls will wear down your wife and you will get them more and more. If she's a train wreck and you are solid, you will get them in the end. The courts won't do it though...you have to fight this battle in the trenches every day. Treat your kids like individuals and not extensions of you. Care about what they care about, treat their concerns as serious even though...as kids...their lives seem simple to us.

That's how I got my son 100%. At around 13 or 14 he demanded to live with me full time and made his mother's life difficult enough she allowed it. But yeah...can't count on courts...you have to have the kid make the choice. If you try to influence your kids they will see right thru it bc they are a lot smarter than given credit for. It has to develop organically.

The mother may try to slag you off or run you down to the kids. Don't take the bait. Actions speak louder than words. Kids will see where the truth lies if given enough time and examples of your actions not matching the words of their mother.

a_day_at_a_timee · 2024-01-26T15:58:18+00:00

my ex got caught driving the kids to soccer practice black out drunk and when i brought it up in court she accused me of harassment and threatening to kill her, filed a DV protection order against me and had CPS investigate me for child abuse.

it took me $30k and several months of not seeing my kids to get that stuff thrown out.

ended up spending $60k for the whole divorce and got 50/50 after a couple years.

settle and be done

Reflog1791 · 2024-01-26T14:55:20+00:00

None of the people who will decide your divorce fate will care that she parties while you’re the stable parent. Sorry man.

Still a very good idea to document everything if you can keep it safe and secure.

You’ll have better luck catching her lying to the judge. The rules and customs of divorce court don’t make sense at first. It’s all about the court people covering their own asses while running a very profitable and easy business, not about helping you or your kids.

You can still win in these circumstances but you need to give up the idea of justice and go with game theory approach.

Jbr74 · 2024-01-26T14:53:12+00:00

Unless she is snorting coke with your kids on national television while hitting them with a horsewhip, you have no chance at full custody, and if she were doing those things, I'd still give you a 50/50 shot.

Her on the other hand, all she has to do is make up a domestic claim against you, and her chances jump to about 80%

50/50 is better than what the majority of men get; accept the gift.

SkeptiCynical · 2024-01-26T14:44:36+00:00

OP don't try to go this route. You will waste a lot of time, money and energy and the max you'll get is 50/50.

But most of us will erroneously conflate custody and residence. These are two very different things. Custody is who is legally responsible for the kids. Residence is who the kids live with - and the parent with majority residential custody is who will receive child support from the other.

You will have a better shot at getting residential custody than you would getting full (legal) custody. The court will assign a guardian ad litem (GAL) for the kids whenever custody is challenged. Residence is typically the mother because tradition and old-school gender roles are what they are.

Your objective now is to get your wife out of the house and keep the kids' lives stable. Hopefully if you can establish the homestead and de facto residential custody, your battle will be mostly won.

Remember that custody, divorce, finances, the marital home... these things are 99% settled and not adjudicated! If you won't get what you want by negotiation, you have to take this to trial. If you think your ex won't be receptive to surrendering residential custody, don't bother negotiating and renegotiating with her lawyer. Push for trial the moment your first offer is rejected.

TechnicalAd5152 · 2024-01-26T14:38:52+00:00

If she's agreeing to joint just take it not gonna get full custody

CrazySanta7 · 2024-01-26T14:20:13+00:00

No, not unless you can prove she is unfit. 50% custody is a win for most men in these biased courts. It doesn't matter if you think she is unfit. Your attorney will know if you have a chance or not.

Everyonelookatme1 · 2024-01-26T14:02:39+00:00

Just go for primary

captainchippsixx · 2024-01-26T13:28:03+00:00

You would have to have damnjng hard evidence. DUI, drug use, abondment not coming home basically, video of her saying she doesn’t want the kids. Etc. . Go for primary custodial. But you need to start putting evidence together.

RichardCleveland · 2024-01-26T13:19:05+00:00

What's the reason that you want full custody? Are you afraid for them, or does this have to do with support (no judgement)?

And to be honest taking full custody away from a mother is nearly impossible without evidence, history of abuse and a overall damn good reason.

Noodletrousers · 2024-01-26T13:14:00+00:00

What do you mean by middle aged? Middle school aged?

Both parents should be in their children’s lives as long as there isn’t a real threat to their safety and security.

ChiefsGuy2014 · 2024-01-26T13:06:01+00:00

From what you’ve said, no, not unless she agrees to it.

Title	Full custody
Author	NoWakeZone7
Upvotes	2
Comments	21
Date	January 26, 2024 12:49 PM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1abhlb2/full_custody/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/full-custody.1243856 https://theredarchive.com/post/1243856

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