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MonarchistExtreme Archive

View 1 posts and 397 comments by MonarchistExtreme on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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Upvotes Title Category Author Subreddit Date (UTC)
33

MonarchistExtreme/r/Divorce_Men15/01/25 07:29 PM
Upvotes Comment on Subreddit Date (UTC)
2

my blood pressure immediately normalized once she was gone...I was still hella depressed but my body reacted to the absence of stress right away
/r/Divorce_Men22/07/26 05:54 PM
6

part of the reason this is so previlant is men are too ashamed to speak up when this happens to them. It's almost like women factor that into their cost benefit analysis when deciding whether to risk having an affair bc most men will deal with it quietly. That benefits the cheater and nobody else. Once the hearing is over, of course you should tell the wife...she's a victim too and deserves to make an informed choice about her future.
/r/Divorce_Men22/06/26 06:46 PM
7

disconnect, uninterested more and more with the occasional odd kindness...she would be uninterested in anything to do with me and then boom, here's a new phone/headphones followed by "oh by the way, I have a trip coming up" LOL Honestly, I got more enjoyment out of those headphones than she ever provided me. Also I wish I knew her affair partner's address so I could send him a case of beer, gift basket or anything else he might fancy. I owe that man my life for taking her off me. He dumped her s…
/r/Divorce_Men26/05/26 07:52 PM
7

when you can't go on for love or for hope, do what I do brother. Carry on out of spite.
/r/Divorce_Men01/05/26 06:04 PM
1

Love? Not romantically. She gave birth to my son though so I hold something in my heart for her, even though our child refuses to speak to her. If she truly needed me, I'd get on a plane to help her. But I wouldn't remain afterwards. Think about her? Not good thoughts, though in time it was more pity than anything else. She rolled the dice and attempted a monkey branch to someone who makes more money. That didn't work out for her. She's alone and living with her mom while I raise our child. Some…
/r/Divorce_Men27/04/26 06:54 PM
1

well done bruv!!!
/r/Divorce_Men24/04/26 10:06 PM
11

that's typically cheating or cheating behavior...like if she ain't...she's talking to someone about doing it. There is someone else she is interested in and she's hiding that from you. When they have a new object of desire, the affection stops or becomes obligatory. You gotta get in that phone and find out but play it cool.
/r/Divorce_Men24/04/26 07:22 PM
3

They tried their best to be neutral and offer support to me and my son (our kid did not want to live with mother). Over time the cracks have shown. They believe a ridiculous story peddled by my ex and I didn't even dignify it. They got over that but I haven't let my guard down since. I keep them at a distance....they are still free to see mys son whenever they wish but I don't preserve a relationship anymore. The story my ex told wasn't anything horrible but it was a situation where if they took…
/r/Divorce_Men21/04/26 09:09 PM
4

If you could sum it up short, I wouldn't be opposed to share some intel with a fellow soldier. If the marriage with your ex was complicated, yeah I'd just block. My ex could be summed up in a couple sentences. If someone ever asked me, I'd tell them to spare them.
/r/Divorce_Men14/04/26 04:26 PM
1

Has she tried therapy? Sounds like she has an issue and not the relationship having issues. If she could get some therapy and gain a bit of self confidence she might not be so co dependant. The vast majority of divorced men experience the opposite of your situation.
/r/Divorce_Men11/04/26 08:42 PM
6

It's pretty sobering when your kids give you the dose of reality. I remember when I decided to move on I confided in my 16 year old son that I think I need to file for divorce. He almost doubled over laughing with a "you think?". LOL Fair play to him....it was obvious to everyone but me.
/r/Divorce_Men10/04/26 02:53 PM
16

At least in my area of the country, everyone in middle age is so broken and jaded from previous relationships, there ain't a lot of romance to be had.
/r/Divorce_Men09/04/26 03:11 PM
12

Do your best best to act like you could not care less. They get a high from compounding our misery when they are in the affair fog. If you want her back (bad idea) or want her gone, the best course of action is to ignore her and be too busy to pay her any mind
/r/Divorce_Men08/04/26 02:26 AM
1

advice never really works in these sort of scenarios. People keep making the same mistake over and over...if a wise word could solve it, it would be as prevalent as it is. He should have sorted his marriage before starting an affair. No matter how awful the wife might have been, him cheating trumps all. I'm not saying that is fair, just saying how it is. He gifted his wife a wedge issue to alienate his kids from him.
/r/Divorce_Men07/04/26 03:18 PM
1

the more you try the more it's going to hurt....go dark bro....ignore her harder
/r/Divorce_Men31/03/26 11:54 PM
3

Welp, pretty sure you won't fall for that one again. She was just dropping into wreck you life again bc she was afraid you had healed. I'm not being judgmental, I did the same thing ...once.
/r/Divorce_Men31/03/26 06:16 PM
1

In a sense I sort of admire her, she didn't let her husband stand in the way of finding a new ex boyfriend hahahaha He made more money which she did enjoy access to for a season...now she's broke.
/r/Divorce_Men30/03/26 04:53 PM
13

I saw the way she treated her family members and thought she'd never do that to me. I was incorrect.
/r/Divorce_Men24/03/26 04:07 PM
2

back in the day when i would go to raves, I would meet girls in such environments. I don't think it's a key to a long lasting bond but it does sort of trick your brain into thinking your connection is deeper than it is. Also, the effect of the psychedelic's creates a distorted and inaccurate picture and sense of who the other person is....it's hard to transition from that to a normal sober rewarding relationship. Couple this dynamic with the desire of cheaters to "Alamo" their relationship with …
/r/Divorce_Men18/03/26 08:54 PM
3

Get a good lawyer and fight to get as much custody and keep as much money as you can. The children's egg donor has already showed how poor her judgement is and the priority she puts on her current sex partner...already introducing the children. It won't be long til the kids realize that they are not their egg donor's priority. You make them your priority and become the engaged, fun, stable parent and let your ex wife alienate herself over time. You don't want her raising these girls, you don't w…
/r/Divorce_Men18/03/26 07:21 PM
5

I'm friendly with mine but she's on the east coast and I'm on the west coast so it's just via texting. I don't have to see her and i never learn of the things she's up to that she wouldn't want me to know and she don't know those things about me. Our kid doesn't speak to her so we don't influence each other's lives so it works.
/r/Divorce_Men15/03/26 10:04 PM
5

Investigate and find out why this is happening. There is a reason and most likely it's another man
/r/Divorce_Men13/03/26 04:15 PM
1

it's usually not worth the fight trying to micromanage the environment in the other parent's home.
/r/Divorce_Men10/03/26 10:11 PM
1

"Don’t listen to anything at all she has to say about it. It is all self serving nonsense." Should have tattooed this on my forehead when I was going thru this shit so I would see it every time i looked in the mirror. I got trickle truthed hard.
/r/Divorce_Men10/03/26 08:00 PM
2

I was that way until our kid begged to live with me full time....been too busy to be exhausted ever since lol
/r/Divorce_Men10/03/26 06:44 PM
5

I'm on my 3rd reddit account bc my ex kept snooping (back when she was welcome in my home) to find mine and then attack me over the things I post.
/r/Divorce_Men03/03/26 10:25 PM
3

Dads are conditioned to believe that moms have some sort of super power that makes them irreplaceable. It's not true, you can do everything just as well if you apply yourself. I went thru it myself, always afraid my son would get sick or injured and I wouldn't know what to do. Then one day it happened, he was doubled over in pain in the living room. I went into action, got us to the ER, checked in...all the things mom usually did. I didn't even realize it was a new thing for me to do until a cou…
/r/Divorce_Men03/03/26 05:05 PM
2

No, absolutely not! lolol I married a gorgeous woman, dated lots of gorgeous gals and a few who weren't so much just interesting. After my divorce I realized I had always put too much emphasis on that and one of the gals I dated who was not very attractive was the smartest match I ever had. I was stupid to let her go for another hot girl that showed me attention. I am done drafting first round talent for girlfriends...it's too much drama.
/r/Divorce_Men23/02/26 08:39 PM
5

It sucks, there ain't nothing for it but time....enduring the suck, the pain and the anger. However, a year from now you will be amazed by good it feels to have peace in your home. Once you meet the woman you projected the image of the woman you loved upon, it gets easier. At the end of it all I'd say for every hour I spent angry at my ex wife, I spent a day mad at myself for not leaving her sooner. I know it's impossible to visualize now but you will get there.
/r/Divorce_Men12/02/26 12:33 AM
2

very sorry to hear about you situation....do some digging, I bet there is another reason motivating her.
/r/Divorce_Men09/02/26 06:49 PM
3

Don't believe your ex about what your kid wants. At least go over there and take her to your place and ask then. If she doesn't want to you can try your ex's idea.
/r/Divorce_Men05/02/26 06:32 PM
2

why get divorced if you have a good relationship? Do you just not like being around you kid all the time?
/r/Divorce_Men29/01/26 09:01 PM
1

You are short changing your child by the emotional labor you spend trying to keep an unhappy woman onside. When my wife finally left and I got my kid back, he said getting to know the real me was like meeting a stranger. He liked me much better w/o his mother around.
/r/Divorce_Men27/01/26 11:04 PM
6

As far as the kids go, don't try to compete on the financial field bc you will lose. My ex ran off with someone more well to do than myself and she tried to use his money to buy our son's affections. I took a different route...I embraced all my son's interests...made them my own so he and I could develop a bond beyond just father/son. The money could not compete with that bond and my son soon came to live with me full time. Now my son is 19 years old and I can say beyond being my son, he's my be…
/r/Divorce_Men16/01/26 05:45 PM
6

Imagine how miserable your ex is living with this ego. People aren't usually an asshole to just one person. If you have some extra money, might be interesting what a PI could dig up on him. If you could get some really solid evidence of him cheating (could get him out of your ex's house) or blatant illegal activity, you might get the cops interested in pursuing him. Responding in kind to his actions probably won't make a single thing better in you or your kids life. Also could see if he has a cr…
/r/Divorce_Men16/01/26 04:56 PM
4

The drinking isn't helping as much as you think it is. I drank for awhile but when I stopped, I started getting great sleep which allowed me to manage my emotions MUCH better.
/r/Divorce_Men15/01/26 05:35 PM
0

You might not have been perfect but the behavior since is probably because you are depressed! Treat that and the rest of your life will start to get easier I bet.
/r/Divorce_Men12/01/26 06:29 PM
1

Yes but not because of the divorce,from the marriage. She isolated me so much that when the split happened, I was mostly alone lol
/r/Divorce_Men02/01/26 04:19 PM
1

I'd not stop your plans but maybe don't be a breakneck speed. Things present themselves fully in time. If she's changing to be more of what you need it will be obvious in time. An immediate reaction isn't always very accurate.
/r/Divorce_Men31/12/25 05:26 PM
3

yep! I saw how mine treated her family and "friends" and was dumb enough to think it wouldn't happen to me
/r/Divorce_Men15/12/25 11:04 PM
1

don't be afraid to share with family (both sides) and even the kids why this is happening bc if you don't...she will spin it and make you look like the absolute villain. The first story told is usually given more credibility and you already know she's skilled at lying bc she is a cheater.
/r/Divorce_Men11/12/25 03:31 PM
5

Communicate with your family members. I learned the alternative narratives my ex spun about me and it was shocking. It took those people catching her in lies before they reevaluated me and we started repairing our bonds. Don't let her tell your story.
/r/Divorce_Men09/12/25 08:34 PM
2

Tell his wife...sunlight is the best disinfectant in these situations. Cheaters use our embarrassment of being cheated on to provide cover for their affairs. It all comes out eventually, might as well do it now
/r/Divorce_Men09/12/25 08:32 PM
4

I'd open a new bank account and move the majority of your money into that one and see if she suddenly feels in the mood again.
/r/Divorce_Men08/12/25 05:10 PM
5

if you want her back (probably shouldn't but if you do) ignore her...not in an obvious manner. Just make no effort to speak to her and just give brief responses. Make yourself busy outside of the house without telling her where you and going and when you will be back. Go park somewhere and take a nap if you like lol It's a stupid game and it's insulting that it often works. Right now she knows you are an option and she doesn't have to do anything to maintain you as an option. If she thinks you m…
/r/Divorce_Men08/12/25 04:48 PM
5

You only know about the sexting, they are obviously sleeping together. Is that worthy of divorce to you? It would be me for me. Think about it, if there was a person you felt comfortable exchanging nudes with, expression desires for and you had access to them 5 days per week... I remember going thru the discovery of my ex wife's affair. Each new revelation, I would rationalize that "hey at least it wasn't whatever" knowing in my gut that of course it was everything. But the mind, as a defense me…
/r/Divorce_Men08/12/25 04:39 PM
1

Patience young grasshopper....you have already won this battle. An unhappy teenager is on your side. Few things can combat an unhappy teenager, they are dedicated to the battles they undertake. My son at 14 quickly wore his mom down and he was on a plane coming home to me in about 4 months.
/r/Divorce_Men05/12/25 07:45 PM
15

yep, I was a member of the "I can save her/fix her" brigade and paid dearly for my good intentions. I do believe that some people can heal and recover but if they haven't done the work, they aren't marriage/relationship material
/r/Divorce_Men05/12/25 07:31 PM
2

this is beyond my American brain to dissect but caste being a more rigid class structure than we have here....even here, members of different classes often encounter similar difficulties. In India (I assume) I know those dividing lines can be more strictly enforced than here in the US where we pretend to have a classless society. Both parents were against it and in your culture, that is A LOT of baggage for a marriage to carry. Not sure how the laws are there vs here, but with an out of control …
/r/Divorce_Men05/12/25 06:20 PM
3

most of my "what ifs" were about how I could have headed off all the crazy things she did to wreck our marriage, infidelity, hiding bills and wrecking our finances etc... After a lot of late nights I boiled it down to "what if I had picked a better woman to marry". End of No matter whether I could have manipulated the situation just so to keep the car headed down the road longer or not, that much effort shouldn't have been required in a partnership.
/r/Divorce_Men05/12/25 05:06 PM
3

I guess it really depends on the person. A lot of people, myself included, start a sexual relationship and that naturally opens the door for stronger feelings to begin grow. Also, just short way out from a toxic relationship, even an okayish relationship is going to look like an oasis. Those are some of the reasons why people say it's better to wait. Another reason that applies to me, I used relationships, girls that I could pull, attention I could gain as validation for me as a person. After my…
/r/Divorce_Men04/12/25 10:12 PM
7

Your faith, or rather, your desire that she follow it in regards to your son, would probably cause you even more difficulty in the courts if you were to bring it to them. I think there is a high likelihood that would be interpreted as "controlling" and might even give credence to any abuse allegations she invents. You don't really have a card to play in this situation. Just be the best parent you can be so when your son matures he will want to model himself on your behavior rather than his mothe…
/r/Divorce_Men02/12/25 05:56 PM
4

Don't fall too hard for how she's acting or presenting. Girls learn charm from an early age and she's a grown woman now. Tread carefully and don't decide anything until you see the real her.
/r/Divorce_Men01/12/25 06:28 PM
10

Affair partners don't get legitimized, they serve as an exit affair often for women in marriage but you don't try to make them official. That is just bad taste. There's no reason for you to ever shake his hand or acknowledge her in a setting where he is present. Her keeping the person who blew up her family precludes from from social niceties
/r/Divorce_Men01/12/25 04:54 PM
7

I jumped back into the pool about 4 months after I could breathe again. Quickly learned in modern dating, the juice isn't worth the squeeze. Kinda had a "Jesus take the wheel" moment. If I'm expected to suffer a woman she will be put in my path regardless of what I do. If she doesn't appear, then I will continue basking in peace.
/r/Divorce_Men20/11/25 06:42 PM
3

Yeah my ex wife SWEARS that my son was in on them running off to live on the opposite coast. The kid was 13 or 14, he wasn't old enough to even be asked AND he swears that never happened. It crushed me to think that he was "in on it". When he came back to live with me, I didn't touch the topic for about a year. When I did...he was stunned. He's never spoken to his mother again for telling that lie. You should have spoke to your son....the mom was probably lying. You should talk to your son.
/r/Divorce_Men13/11/25 06:38 AM
3

I made that exact mistake with my son, I let her take the lead. She was the stay at home mom and I was the provider. She ran across the country with him for like 4 months before he demanded to come visit me. When he got back he asked to stay. I closed the game by being interested in the things he loved. He loved Minecraft, I played a ton of minecraft with him. I also showed him my interests. I like cinema, foreign films, even arthouse and even though I'm sure some of it was boring as hell to him…
/r/Divorce_Men13/11/25 06:35 AM
4

oh there's a reason, she wouldn't be that nasty if she hadn't lined up a fallback option. She's a lost cause though, become the best dad ever so the kids in time will naturally prefer you over her. That is how you win a divorce when kids are involved. If you don't play the game, you will lose bc woman will definitely play that game and you will be alienated. Can't speak ill of the mother though, you have to be the obvious best parent.
/r/Divorce_Men13/11/25 06:32 AM
2

I always pay but keep it simple, like a coffee date but more normally a happy hour. I don't do it out of any expectations or what not but to simplify the evening and avoid the awkwardness about who should pay
/r/Divorce_Men10/11/25 03:47 PM
2

Just survive right now....around six months is gets easier. By 18 months you'll be mostly over the pain with just occasional reminders.
/r/Divorce_Men07/11/25 05:41 PM
1

ugh sounds like a disaster waiting to happen. Have you spoke to your kid about how their mental picture of the event will likely be a bit optimistic vs the reality of the situation?
/r/Divorce_Men06/11/25 04:30 PM
10

You're healing. That hate is just the scary mask your dying love wears to ward off pain. Someday you will be indifferent towards her and you will know you have recovered.
/r/Divorce_Men06/11/25 04:26 PM
2

I guess you're the one who knows the answer if you're ready for that. I took a different route but that was the best choice for me. Since my first girlfriend in high school, I always had a gf all the way up til I had a wife. When the marriage ended I realized I never really learned how to be alone. Had I had more confidence in being alone I wouldn't have stayed in a toxic marriage for so long. I've decided to remain single and not date the last few years but again....it was what was best for me.…
/r/Divorce_Men06/11/25 03:23 PM
2

oh wow....normally I'd say the man is dumb to leave a good woman bc there are so few of them in the world but in this case, he needs to leave her for her own good
/r/Divorce_Men04/11/25 07:34 PM
5

you also need to factor in the emotional cost of someone new taking the place of you in your baby's life if you don't want to go for 50/50.
/r/Divorce_Men27/10/25 06:33 PM
6

God/fate/the Universe, will often send the most random people to tell you what you need to hear in your darkest moments.
/r/Divorce_Men24/10/25 03:47 PM
1

New guy always gets what he wants, old guy (you) gets words that are rarely true.
/r/Divorce_Men21/10/25 08:23 PM
3

At first I drank which was a huge mistake...it let me pass out and sleep thru the night but the quality of sleep sucked and made me more depressed during waking hours. It may sound simple or stupid but I started doing jigsaw puzzles. It requires concentration, you get some gratification from your progress and it was nice something to do while listening to a podcast or audio book.
/r/Divorce_Men17/10/25 05:35 PM
2

17 is old enough to respect your kid's wishes. Mine decided at 15 to never speak to his mother again. I encouraged/debated/urged him to change his mind for 2 years until he finally convinced me he knew his own mind.
/r/Divorce_Men15/10/25 07:25 PM
9

don't ever trust her again and don't wait to long to let everyone know the reason why or else she will frame the narrative to make you look like a monster. I don't know how old your kids are but if you take the high road, I promise she will not. It was like 3 years after my separation when I found out that my son thought I was the one who cheated bc that's what his mother had told him. Please don't make that mistake. YOU OWE YOU EX NOTHING and she take advantage whenever you allow her the opport…
/r/Divorce_Men15/10/25 07:21 PM
6

bro...folks can get by if they choose to....she was chasing materialism sounds like...no matter how much money you throw into that furnace it just requires more.
/r/Divorce_Men14/10/25 09:58 PM
1

I suspect you are probably trying to still make nice with her....not digging at you...it's a very hard cycle to break for us men. Take that energy and redirect it to your kids. They are the only relationships you have that are worth investing in. And I know it's not mature but human nature being what it is....being the good parent, the safe parent, the involved parent and the parent they turn to first is how you win in divorce when children are involved. Once my ex wife was gone and I could brea…
/r/Divorce_Men14/10/25 07:31 PM
4

Closure comes from within. I wanted to understand what happened too and to make sense of it but expecting something meaningful and truthful from a liar (in my situation) was foolish. I just let go...she also got fat so that kinda helped me heal too LOL
/r/Divorce_Men10/10/25 03:08 PM
6

Started treating shit tests as if they were earnest or serious. Decided I should come to where she was emotionally vs standing my ground. Basically when I morphed into everything she swore she wanted I was walked over and disrespected the last several years. But you shouldn't have to play games to stay married so yeah...picked the wrong partner.
/r/Divorce_Men10/10/25 03:03 PM
1

Good luck brother...having a cop after you can make life unbearable. I found out I was the other guy for a chick who was engaged to a police officer in a small southern town. Since all the cops in the shit hole towns surrounding mine all attend the same circle jerks, they were all after me. I joined the Army and got away from there (I was only 20 years old at the time). Maybe your city is bigger to actually have some oversight of their cops or maybe things have changed in the 20 years plus since…
/r/Divorce_Men02/10/25 11:48 PM
1

Every second you endure her behavior, every effort you make to please her will haunt you much longer than the pain you feel right now I promise you!!!! I forgave the neighborhood chew toy I married several years ago but I still have some late nights of bitter shame, remembering how i prostrated myself for her approval even after her true nature was revealed. Your wife may be less confused someday but come hell or high water she's going to scratch this itch her high school boyfriend causes her an…
/r/Divorce_Men02/10/25 11:07 PM
4

that's your anger talking....if you have a sense of honor, doing that would eat you alive
/r/Divorce_Men02/10/25 10:22 PM
2

The best thing that happened to me after I we split was hearing my son's remarks to his grandmother (my mother in law). He told her "my dad is actually REALLY cool...I never knew" ROFL That was because his entire life my focus was on trying to please an unreasonable person. When she was gone, I could breathe and could invest emotionally in my child. He and I spoke about that and I apologized for letting myself be so distracted with his mother when I should have had him as my #1 focus.
/r/Divorce_Men02/10/25 08:14 PM
1

You already demonstrated your virtue by cheating....she's doing everything she can to limit your influence on the kids. I get it. Look, those kids are 50% you and 50% her. They are predisposed to be similar to you and her, wouldn't you want them to have a greater chance at a virtuous and stable marriage/life later on. I think you should accept that what may be best for you isn't what is best for your children. My wife is similar to you in the lack of fidelity and my anger aside...when I recogniz…
/r/Divorce_Men24/09/25 03:29 AM
3

Make damn sure your child knows about the affair!!!!! That is soooooo important. Your ex wife is a proven liar and if you let her influence craft the nature of things, you will be slowly written out of the picture and the affair partner will become their father figure. You know for a fact your ex wife isn't trustworthy...you'd be a fool to trust her about this.
/r/Divorce_Men23/09/25 07:27 PM
6

don't know your story but the thing that tripped me up the longest is accepting that the current version of her was her all along. Your sweet memories were built on the person you saw and projected upon her. Not sure if she's toying with you or not but if so...IGNORE WORDS...observe her actions. Actions tell the truth, words are meant to confound
/r/Divorce_Men23/09/25 03:41 PM
25

lol that's like seeing a homeless person and be like "just buy a house bro" lol
/r/Divorce_Men23/09/25 03:32 PM
9

it's just a gas lighting buzzword at this point
/r/Divorce_Men15/09/25 11:58 PM
10

I've stayed alone since my split 5 years ago and while sex would be nice in theory, being alone and not having sex is so much better than being with a partner who puts up distance to avoid intimacy...SO MUCH BETTER!!!
/r/Divorce_Men15/09/25 11:55 PM
10

I felt that way for a minute but then I started to notice the tells in other relationships that I missed in my own. Things like the wife that is just tolerating the husband and the husband with barely hidden contempt for the wife. Once you've bee married to a pathological liar you really start to notice the loose threads in other relationships. So mostly I feel sympathy for a lot of the couples in my life. When I see a relationship that seems truly happy and perfect, I just assume one of them is…
/r/Divorce_Men09/09/25 04:07 PM
9

this is an impossible situation....you got to keep your head, get a lawyer and focus entirely on getting your kids back. Don't let her show up and set you off so she can get evidence that you are unhinged. Don't send any text messages to her that will be hard to explain if stripped of context. Get ready for war
/r/Divorce_Men08/09/25 11:27 PM
4

I suspect when you land that hot chick that blows your hapless wife out of the water, in a few months, you're going to miss the other 99% of what makes a good relationship that your wife provided.
/r/Divorce_Men08/09/25 05:46 PM
1

Don't give her any emotional feedback or show any particular care for her. It might snap her out of it. Right now she's trying to make sure the other guy is going to be a stable place for her land when she leaves. If she fears you might not be available she may rethink her situation. But mostly you should just divorce her and let the kids know everything.
/r/Divorce_Men05/09/25 09:12 PM
5

That's her....that was always her...she just kept it hid. The sooner you accept that and stop clinging to the image you have of her in your heart the sooner you will heal
/r/Divorce_Men05/09/25 05:18 PM
7

Get what you have coming to you....if she had your best interests at heart she wouldn't be doing this. If she's playing nice thru this it's bc it is to her advantage to have you agreeable. Don't be a doormat for the person tossing you aside
/r/Divorce_Men05/09/25 05:01 PM
2

Knowing what I have learned since I completely agree but I was young and dumb brother
/r/Divorce_Men04/09/25 12:06 AM
4

I cheated once after she cheated the first time. She never found out about it but i did feel pretty cheap afterwards. I thought I was reclaiming something after she did it to me but all it did was make me feel worse.
/r/Divorce_Men03/09/25 11:54 PM
8

Meeting him isn't going to change whether he has access to your kids or not and he probably already has. I wouldn't bother with it...it only has the potential to upset you. Your wife is the one who will have to oversee and protect and look out for your kids around the AP
/r/Divorce_Men03/09/25 11:49 PM
5

lol...well like Robert Plant sang in 1969 ..."your time is gonna come". Most men have been cheated on, whether they are observant enough to pick up on it is another story. Also people tend to boast online about what they feel most insecure about at home (those types anyway). I really wouldn't pay it any mind brother.
/r/Divorce_Men02/09/25 11:54 PM
4

I have it in a change dish...sometimes if I'm going out to a nightclub and want female attention I wear it lol Odd that I can usually find a hook up wearing it but without it on, I'm mostly invisible lol
/r/Divorce_Men28/08/25 12:02 AM
13

It is bothersome until your brain finally accepts the reality that the version of her, that is doing all the awful things to hurt you, is actually her and not some freakish aberration. Once that happened, I found myself having sympathy for her new man bc I knew what was in his future. The fact that she cheated on me, hurt me, like an insult and still does but not like a broken heart. Like the same irritation I'd have if a good friend ripped me off in business. The vast majority of women do not l…
/r/Divorce_Men25/08/25 05:01 PM
3

Bro, it's over. If you want her back, which you really shouldn't, STOP TRYING!!! Be short, don't engage, live your best life. It's a crappy game to have to play but one that women sometimes respond to. However, if it works for you, you will know that you will have to play games to keep her. Also, I won't sugarcoat it...being divorced at these ages ain't as simple as being divorced in your 30s. I've been alone for over 5 years now but...but....you will learn to value you peace more than the troub…
/r/Divorce_Men14/08/25 06:29 PM
5

The only option that will be fruitful for you is to strengthen your bond with your daughter every chance you get. No lazy parenting, if she has an interest in something, that's your new favorite thing too. Always meet her on her level. Mom is chasing her new guy and investing her emotional capital in her new relationship. Instead of that, you invest yours in your daughter. If you do that, if there is a problem, your daughter will be more likely to tell you and over time, she may decide that she …
/r/Divorce_Men31/07/25 05:40 PM
16

and it's never "just a kiss"
/r/Divorce_Men25/07/25 03:55 PM
4

I was too proud to let any of my friends know the reason (that was dumb of me). When I finally realized my ex's actions weren't a reflection upon me, my ex had already alienated all the shared friends bc of her unstable behavior
/r/Divorce_Men22/07/25 02:09 PM
5

Mine is in a change dish where I often throw my keys. Sometimes when I go out of a nightclub I will put it on if I want to meet some cheap women lol
/r/Divorce_Men30/06/25 02:51 PM
7

not all, but quite a few in the modern era have a very shallow view of what love is. For a lot of men, love is a choice, decision, commitment...almost like a profession they dedicate themselves to. Sometimes the emotions and sentiment lack but persevere out of a sense of honor. Women don't really have an honor culture the way men do. (yes there are tons of exceptions, men who lack honor but none of us want to be them so cast them aside for the time being). Women, aren't expected to have the same…
/r/Divorce_Men24/06/25 05:29 PM
13

I'm in my mid 40s....I just assume an ungodly number and never ask (you won't get the truth). I don't see myself ever marrying again so for me it doesn't really matter.
/r/Divorce_Men21/05/25 03:03 AM
1

No and though I'm not a huge believer in dream interpretations, looking back, my dreams often featured my ex doing some dangerous that I was trying to talk her out of. I think my lizard brain knew she wasn't one to be trusted and was trying to warn the rest of me lol two months in, you're still in the epicenter of things. You've got at least 4 more months of chaos before life reasserts itself and you find a new rhythm
/r/Divorce_Men15/05/25 08:37 PM
1

my son refuses to speak to his mother so we don't really do that anymore. If I think of it (this year i didn't) I will send her a Happy Mother's Day text message. In my mind I'm doing it to thank her for giving birth to my son but it's a bit awkward since my son cut his mother off about 3 or 4 years ago.
/r/Divorce_Men13/05/25 07:43 PM
6

if you live with someone for over 10 to 15 years it's not hard for little resentments to build up. They come and go and can be addressed with good mutual communication. When those resentments turn into contempt, that's when it's too far gone. Some women will seek their exit affair at that point and will start shopping for the next man. Affairs can happen in any stage of marriage though...some women are too fueled by new validation sources to ever be true. Some can be faithful for years but when …
/r/Divorce_Men28/04/25 10:25 PM
10

Take her for every single penny you can...she's used you as the unhired help your whole marriage DO NOT let her just walk away leaving you broken.
/r/Divorce_Men18/04/25 07:50 PM
19

You were dumb enough to participate in an open marriage you just need to accept the consequences of that terrible life choice. If you love the kid, love the kid but learn to love yourself more so you make better choices in the future.
/r/Divorce_Men31/03/25 03:01 PM
5

I never have in America but when I travelled with the Army I did several times. It's hit or miss. I will say, some escorts are TRULY amazing people and are more empathetic and insightful than a therapist. I've paid an escort before and just sat and talked with her for a few hours and felt like a million bucks afterwards. Most other times were more to the point and and those were okay and some were eh But if you meet one you like and keep seeing her the experience does get better over time. When …
/r/Divorce_Men31/03/25 02:35 PM
6

I have an 18 year old son and my ex wife was a cheater though nothing I knew about during the time period of his conception...these things happened much later in our marriage. Still though, if you find out your wife cheats, it makes you ask questions of things. I have an amazing relationship with my son and he refuses to speak to his mother. I've considered testing but at this point....I doubt either he or I would want to know it if he wasn't. Maybe I could ask him about it? Maybe I should inqui…
/r/Divorce_Men31/03/25 02:29 PM
5

money and new things can only hold a child's attention for so long but actual emotional investment carries more weight. Become a super dad, if your child has an interest, guess what....that's now a subject you simply cannot hear enough about. Listen to them as the individuals that they are and not as the extension of you that a lot of parents regard their children as. You can't compete with her financially but you can win your daughters hearts by being genuine, approachable, fallible, and most o…
/r/Divorce_Men24/03/25 06:59 PM
2

Has she seen this person in the flesh yet? Sounds like a potential romance scam
/r/Divorce_Men20/03/25 07:36 PM
1

Yeah I've often viewed my gay bros as having discovered a cheat code in life. They are the happiest people I know...the few lesbians I know in my life are mostly miserable and all my straight married bros are miserable...you don't have to be Lassie to figure this one out. Edited comment: and if you're curious how I know this many non straight folks...I've lived in Seattle for over 20 years lol
/r/Divorce_Men14/03/25 03:40 PM
1

I tried to reconcile with my cheating wife but once we had some distance between us I quickly lost the desire to. I get it, what your wife is going thru. Eventually you'll want better for yourself and not just better for her.
/r/Divorce_Men11/03/25 08:20 PM
10

yep I was in a similar relationship and paid DEARLY for every apology I received. When she was pinned down with a mountain of evidence she would finally surrender and apologize but she'd make my life hell for weeks afterwards. I bet you will experience something similar for daring to hold her accountable
/r/Divorce_Men05/03/25 08:07 PM
1

I mean, I love my son, but in a perfect world he'd have a mom that he can stand to speak to so I can't say I would do it all over again.
/r/Divorce_Men04/03/25 10:30 PM
9

You need to get a lawyer and have them fight for you. With your health issues you will face and the fact she earns more...make her pay financially for her indifference to your plight. And yes of course she has someone lined up to take your place. Make her fling expensive.
/r/Divorce_Men03/03/25 05:10 PM
6

You're the dad. You know your child better than a therapist. Have faith in your own abilities
/r/Divorce_Men25/02/25 08:51 PM
20

She's a lost cause....make sure your 15 year old learns this from YOU and not your wife when it all goes to shit. I lost 6 months with my 14 year old bc I let his mother tell him why we divorced. When he learned the real reason, moved back with me and cut contact with his mom. If you go to other resources they focus on being effective coparents and how you shouldn't tell the kids. That's bs. A cheater isn't a good person who makes a mistake within a relationship. It's a character trait that affe…
/r/Divorce_Men25/02/25 08:01 PM
2

you two can make up and be friendly coparents later but right now it's time to fight for everything you can get. If the tables were turned, she would do it to you...she's only being nice bc she stands to lose
/r/Divorce_Men24/02/25 11:25 PM
2

Yeah I only know this bc I've made this mistake before. I tried talking and being open and vulnerable (she often accused me of not sharing my feelings) it all blew up in my face. The more I did what she asked the less respect she had for me and it solidified her decision to leave. Other girlfriends (that I honestly didn't care about as much) I didn't react when they hinted at a break up or broke up with me and within the week they'd be back knocking on my door. So if you want her back, radio sil…
/r/Divorce_Men21/02/25 07:42 PM
8

If you want peace in your life or just want her back your best bet is don't even reply.
/r/Divorce_Men21/02/25 07:28 PM
5

I'm sorry about your bro....that kind of betrayal cuts worse than the betrayal of a woman
/r/Divorce_Men20/02/25 06:19 AM
4

Brother it's probably too late, you've been too accommodating and she doesn't see you as someone to respect. The only chance you have, and again, it's probably not worth the trouble is pull back 100% from her. Get busy with your own life, your own things, and be painfully disinterested in anything she has to say to you. There's like a 10% chance she might see you living well and reconsider but you've already tried too hard. It seems counterintuitive but the worst thing a man can do to save a mar…
/r/Divorce_Men19/02/25 09:39 PM
4

with that much money on the line you really ought to get legal representation. She will be amicable until she decides not to be. Best not have to scramble to find legal representation when she's emotionally carpet-bombing you.
/r/Divorce_Men18/02/25 08:51 PM
4

They love you like they love a new song, we have the ability to love for life. It sucks but it's just how it is. Aside from a few unicorns, the only times I'm aware of a woman holding a flame for a guy for life is when he had a lot of money or was the bad boy she couldn't control. If you are just an average decent dude, you aren't going to be the lifelong object of desire by a woman.
/r/Divorce_Men18/02/25 08:49 PM
3

It's your marriage, it's worth a shot just be on guard to make sure it doesn't turn into a 1 v 2 tag team event. We did a single session and it was actually kinda refreshing. Having a 3rd party point out to my wife "that isn't want he said tho" over and over when she was reacting to what she thought I meant vs what I actually said. The ex wife wanted to go thru our greatest hits album of of past arguments and relitigate them in front of a therapist and I was so over it. I just said at one point …
/r/Divorce_Men18/02/25 08:42 PM
3

for everyone it is different but it took about 18 months before I could sleep easier and not have to force myself to stop thinking thoughts. It's a long road but it does get easier
/r/Divorce_Men18/02/25 06:22 PM
2

I'm glad your child is old enough to understand a things a bit. When they are very little it is harder to combat the mother's negative influences and alienation attempts. I think you ought to invest heavily in your daughter emotionally. Engage her in her interests any time you get the chance and really listen to her when she babbles about things you really don't care about lol That is what I did with my son. He played Minecraft, I had zero interest. I made myself become a Minecraft expert, built…
/r/Divorce_Men18/02/25 06:21 PM
1

I wish I was a widower...sorry intrusive thoughts upon reading the title lol
/r/Divorce_Men18/02/25 12:19 AM
3

how old is your daughter? Odd that she is involving her with her wooing plans. Her new man is 26 years old....this relationship probably won't last that long. A 26 year old male has better options than a single mother..unless she's supporting him financially
/r/Divorce_Men18/02/25 12:07 AM
2

so are you both still in the marital home? How are you having these interactions with her family?
/r/Divorce_Men17/02/25 11:23 PM
9

It hurt when I realized that she never existed outside of my own mind and heart. I looked past all the pieces that didn't fit my mind's image and all the things that bit me in the ass were the things I purposely ignored. Most of my hurt came from realizing I had tricked myself into being in love with her.
/r/Divorce_Men13/02/25 08:23 PM
3

You will have to learn to square who she actually is vs who you thought she was and I'm not talking about the gay part...I'm referring to her hateful behavior. That's who she was all along you just didn't know it. I'm very sorry for you and yes I went thru cheating at the end of my marriage too. Once I accepted that the hateful person was actually the real version of her it got easier
/r/Divorce_Men11/02/25 05:08 PM
7

You're so young still, you have plenty of time to start over. Don't waste your youth on such a person. If she disrespects you in this way now it will be in other ways later. My cheater ex wife used to sometimes hit me when we were that age. When she got into her 30s she didn't hit anymore she started having affairs. It all stemmed from the same basic issue though, she didn't respect me.
/r/Divorce_Men08/02/25 06:37 PM
1

" I said mean things to her about her weight, job etc because I wanted her to do better...." Looks like she took your advice to heart and determined you were one of the less better parts of her life. You pushed her away...respect her decision now that she's giving you what you wanted.
/r/Divorce_Men05/02/25 03:01 AM
3

I wouldn't do it...you're gonna become just a minor character in your kid's life. People say "oh we can facetime all the time" but it ain't the same. Unless you HAVE to in order to pay your bills and survive, I'd stay local.
/r/Divorce_Men05/02/25 02:58 AM
6

Don't take the bait...just ignore that bs...that's her boyfriend's job to tolerate...you retired from that post
/r/Divorce_Men05/02/25 02:56 AM
6

I had an ex who sucked as a wife but she respects our child's agency. The kid decided to live with me full time and she accepted it before lawyers got involved. He was like 14 when it all went to hell so old enough to have input
/r/Divorce_Men04/02/25 07:58 PM
6

I usually ignore it
/r/Divorce_Men02/02/25 06:17 PM
10

I think she's fault finding and this is just an excuse. I do think if you have a history of infidelity that ideally that is something you'd share with new partners. Being open and upfront with it might be better than them learning later. But this isn't the classic "they are scum" infidelity, you were separated. Doesn't excuse it but mitigates it a bit. But this is just fault finding on your wife's part.
/r/Divorce_Men31/01/25 05:01 PM
31

"today she admitted to dating and kissing another guy" Bro, I'm just gonna be straight with you, you don't need to be having such familiar conversations with her. Set boundaries or else you're pain shopping.
/r/Divorce_Men30/01/25 03:31 AM
3

I saw a therapist who did counseling for mental health/relationships but also for people going thru medical issues. My wife saw her for mental health, I saw her for a chronic issue I was going thru. One night my wife called me and asked me to pick her up from the therapist's office and I was ambushed with a marital counseling session. Even though I started that session under bs circumstances...it wasn't all bad. She was female but she was fair. She kept pointing out that my wife was reacting to …
/r/Divorce_Men29/01/25 05:57 PM
3

This is awful for the child in that moment, but may be great for you and her in the long run. Ex or soon to be showed she is dangerous
/r/Divorce_Men24/01/25 08:29 PM
1

All those things come back. They might lose a touch of shine but you'll be able to compartmentalize the trauma and enjoy the memories. One of my favorite genres of music to listen to is blues. That whole genre is about a woman doing a man dirty lol. It took a couple of years but now I can listen to the blues albums and that wretched woman never even crosses my mind. There's a lot of little things that just take time for you to be able to reengage. My father, who went thru the same BS with my mot…
/r/Divorce_Men23/01/25 05:30 PM
1

It's rough but she's doing you and your kids a favor. Consider this, your kids are 50% her DNA. They have half the same genes mommy does and mommy is an unfaithful person. It's imperative that you be the main influence on them so they don't slip into mommy's behavioral patterns since they are already genetically predisposed to be similar to her. Also the horror stories you hear of children in single parents homes are from single mom homes. Children of single dads tend to much better. I know it s…
/r/Divorce_Men23/01/25 05:27 PM
9

I would venture to guess that things aren't quite as rosy as she puts on when you interact with her. Part of it is also women are only lonely by choice. They can just go out on the street and grab a dude and have someone to spend a night with. It's different with guys. But even with that....don't believe what she is trying to make you believe. She left the marriage so it's on her to act like her life is now perfect or else she might second guess her choice. It's best to just ignore her and not r…
/r/Divorce_Men23/01/25 05:19 PM
1

facts
/r/Divorce_Men22/01/25 09:53 PM
2

BOOOOM!!!!!!!!!! That's an amazing analogy
/r/Divorce_Men11/01/25 10:43 PM
4

I don't blame him. I fell for her BS too so how can I judge him
/r/Divorce_Men11/01/25 06:09 PM
7

I've dated a bit but (to me) it seems really hard to forge a meaningful connection with new people. Maybe it's bc I live in a major US city not known for it's friendliness but people are so closed off. I think it's by the time you reach middle age, we all are carrying so much trauma that it's hard to make those deep connections like we did when we were younger. I did date a gal who was too young very briefly. I'm like mid 40s and she was mid 20s. It was appealing at first bc she wasn't as closed…
/r/Divorce_Men09/01/25 09:19 PM
3

I did the lion's share of housework and she was a stay at home mom (why I tolerated this I will never know). Now she keeps house better than I have time to. It annoys me but doesn't make me miss her...makes me more glad she's gone bc she was fully capable and just chose not to. Of course she could say the same thing about me. I never dealt with making appointments for myself or my son and I have had to manage two issues with my son's health. I did so w/o issue and I'm sure she probably felt a li…
/r/Divorce_Men07/01/25 05:30 PM
2

I don't truly believe in karma but I do believe past behavior is a great predictor of future behavior. People who nuke their marriage for a dopamine hit will do something similar in future relationships eventually. It's not really karma, just a leopard lacking the ability to change it's spots.
/r/Divorce_Men03/01/25 05:28 PM
2

I mean I'm pretty sure it bothered us all but this is a very surface feeling. The deeper pain is reflecting on the wasted years of your life, the lying and deceit. I got over the fact my wife was the town bicycle in stage one. It took years to get over how much of myself I sacrificed to please someone who showed me such little regard. In your situation the best thing you can do is invest emotionally in your kid. Be the best dad you can be. If she's got a new man in her life that's so insecure he…
/r/Divorce_Men03/01/25 05:25 PM
6

I don't know the details because I don't ask and my child doesn't see her anymore so I don't get any intel from him (thankfully). I know they gave it a try...she moved across the country to live near him (took my child too but he quickly demanded to come back home and live with me). She was riding high, acting gracious towards me and that her life was a bed of roses. Then she get really depressed, fat, sick, and complaining about being lonely all the time so I assume it didn't work out for her. …
/r/Divorce_Men03/01/25 05:18 PM
2

It's over but find out who he is. It won't change the facts much but it will help you get over it much quicker. It won't be quick but quicker
/r/Divorce_Men31/12/24 10:49 PM
10

My son is thriving but I don't date, there are no step mothers or new girlfriends to deal with. It's just he and I living a quiet life and he seems to love it. I'm sure if asked, he would prefer the divorce happened years sooner. Trying to keep that woman happy made me neglect my child bc I was so focused on her. Short anecdote, I stayed friendly with my former mother in law. She doesn't hold me in any part responsible for the breakdown of the marriage though she's not 100% onside all the time..…
/r/Divorce_Men31/12/24 10:02 PM
12

We don't coparent. I won (not by courts but our son wanted to live with me). That took a lot of stress out of our interactions. I'm friendly to her. When she comes to town once or twice a year I will meet up with her for coffee but I shortly make my excuses and leave. She cheated, ran off with affair partner, got dumped, got fat, and has been sick. Horrible health problems for the last couple of years. I waited for karma to do it's thing and it happened. It didn't feel good to watch her life fal…
/r/Divorce_Men30/12/24 02:00 PM
2

spend whatever time you have available to solidify your relationship with your daughter. She's the only thing of value to save right now. Make her have a solid opinion of you that can't be shifted by your wife's future lies.
/r/Divorce_Men23/12/24 10:56 PM
1

I convinced myself I didn't care and I drank a lot. By the next Christmas I had full custody so I don't have much experience. The biggest key I focused on was surviving. Time is the only thing that ever made it better for me.
/r/Divorce_Men23/12/24 06:16 PM
8

In certain social circles, I purposely told the person who blabbed the most and let their nature do the rest of the work lol
/r/Divorce_Men21/12/24 07:09 PM
6

No matter how much you "love your new life" there will come a day when you will realize that being with your child would have been more rewarding than the fun you are having now. However, if that isn't the case, then you should separate bc the child deserves parents that prioritize their needs over their own. If you were my son, and were willing to write off your wife and child for an exciting new life, I would put my hands on you...not gonna lie. There's no way that your character remains intac…
/r/Divorce_Men17/12/24 08:34 PM
13

It's rough but she's not that person. That person exists in your heart. Your memories are a super cut of the best times and whistling past the pain and frustration
/r/Divorce_Men17/12/24 04:29 AM
9

I'm cordial with mine....hell I'm still an emergency contact for her. She gets grace from me bc she gave me a child...that's the only reason. Point being, we are fairly friendly but the best I ever got from her was "hey I'm sorry if I did anything to hurt you" which was so tone deaf I just scoffed. This was fairly early on, and about a month later, something she lied about surfaced and it was something I thought was beneath her. When I confronted her later on she was like "yeah well that was one…
/r/Divorce_Men16/12/24 05:50 AM
2

I find fiction provides more relief than self help. I really enjoyed The Song of Ice and Fire series (Game of Thrones) but I won't recommend them as I doubt George RR Martin ever finishes them. However an older series that is complete, that is similar is The Accursed Kings by Maurice Druon. I enjoyed those and if one likes palace intrigue, wars, and the like, they are a lot of fun.
/r/Divorce_Men13/12/24 04:53 PM
1

hahaha amen
/r/Divorce_Men13/12/24 04:35 PM
5

I went thru all those things too but they did end. I am more blessed the average dad here though in that I got my child 100% about 4 to 6 months into the separation and have had him ever since. Having my kid as a reason to get up each morning gave me purpose again. Now when I think of her it's just a tired sigh. There's no pain just regret that two people who had a pretty good thing going fell to pieces when she lost the damn plot. In hindsight though, I wouldn't change a thing. Yes, I had happy…
/r/Divorce_Men13/12/24 04:34 PM
4

Do you have a lawyer? Doesn't sound like the amicable plan is on the table. Get some representation and fight
/r/Divorce_Men12/12/24 03:58 AM
8

It's not the most manly hobby, but I've gotten into jigsaw puzzles. They allow me to zone out, get lost and I chill while listening to music and working on my puzzle. My mind still wanders too much for reading (my other passion) but jigsaw puzzles are easy to get lost in
/r/Divorce_Men05/12/24 12:10 AM
9

Odd that she was immediately concerned about her parents finding out when she should have been entirely focused on the fact that you found out. I may be going out on a limb here but to me, that sounds like she's more concerned with her parents' opinion of her than her husband. Lack of respect for a husband is one of the spring boards into cheating. With you being the active parent, you are well positioned to walk away from this with more custody. It's up to you whether you want to stay but I wil…
/r/Divorce_Men04/12/24 03:13 PM
6

wow...I have zero experience in this field but sending you my best. Do you think the children know your ex is claiming this? Like is there any way you think they'd go along with it? I would think eventually, at some point, a therapist type person from CPS is going to get involved and interview all parties involved. Do you think your ex has the ability to train them up enough to convince CPS that this thing happened? I'm just shooting in the breeze here...I'm sure others who've gone thru this wil…
/r/Divorce_Men03/12/24 06:54 PM
4

Deep breath brother. Revenge rarely feels as good as anticipated. It will damage your soul as much as it hurts her. You have to get revenge in more holistic ways by living well...doing right by your kids (if they exist) and living your best life. But buddy I get it...I truly do. I have been meticulously crafting a way to ruin my ex but I don't do it. Knowing that I can though (and in my situation it would be very easy but I don't want to say in case somehow she connects me to this account) provi…
/r/Divorce_Men03/12/24 06:18 PM
8

Win! Win them to your side by being an awesome dad. It's the only card left for you to play. You can't slander the birth giver but you can be present, show interest and be the clear obvious choice. If you ex wife is difficult, she will take care of the rest. I have a very happy son, just turned 18 and he hasn't spoken to his mother in 2 years. I even pretend like I want him to reunite with her but he's so much happier living with me that he doesn't want to be around her. Ex wives feel they won w…
/r/Divorce_Men03/12/24 02:58 AM
5

Whatever you do, don't let her think you care more about the relationship that she does. Part of me thinks that was the biggest mistake I made in my marriage and the other part thinks, if she were meant for me I wouldn't have to play games. But she's pushing you away now, if you try to hang on she will lose respect and be gone.
/r/Divorce_Men03/12/24 02:52 AM
2

We are very friendly in brief encounters but we are not friends. I value friendship and loyalty is key and she is incapable of such a thing which precludes her being my friend.
/r/Divorce_Men01/12/24 09:34 PM
5

Cheating in any form is the most destructive thing you can do to your life. Hell, getting addicted to drugs is shown more compassion than cheaters are. It's just how it is. Yes it's unfair that your action tipped the scales so much stronger than the years of alienation but that's just how it goes. Your wife may feel that she endured those unhappy years too and it didn't make her cheat. While she might not have put in the work to make the marriage good, you're the one who put in the work to cheat…
/r/Divorce_Men25/11/24 07:11 PM
1

I'd an odd age to begin with even w/o the parental drama. When my son was 4 years old (long before our marriage crumbled) every day when I was leaving for work he'd say "I hate daddy". Not gonna lie there were a few tears shed on the way to work...it cut deep. I started noticing a trend though, he only did it the first half the week and during the weekend I was his best friend. He was just having trouble processing/expressing his disappointment that I left for work every day and mommy stayed hom…
/r/Divorce_Men22/11/24 05:42 PM
8

Women (or maybe just cheaters) are REALLY effective at compartmentalizing. My ex wife could be so present in moments with me, turn around and do the same with another dude. If it wasn't so destructive, it would be impressive how well she could separate parts of her life from others.
/r/Divorce_Men21/11/24 07:07 PM
5

We don't like being right about these stories but cheating is so common and a lot of women won't leave a marriage unless they have a replacement lined up.
/r/Divorce_Men21/11/24 06:57 PM
15

I feel sorry for your wife, that's gotta be confusing for her. I'm sure she wishes she hadn't invested 13 years of her life in someone who mislead her.
/r/Divorce_Men20/11/24 04:28 AM
1

Encourage your child to ask mother those questions. It's not your place to fill in those blanks. When this topic came up with my son I assured him that I never cheated on his mother nor ever abused her. I admitted I wasn't the perfect husband and listed the things I did wrong. No matter the story you got from your ex wife, it wasn't the real truth. Repeating her lies to your kid won't help. Just be a good dad who is present...your kids will gravitate to the parent who they feel the most comforta…
/r/Divorce_Men13/11/24 09:16 PM
6

I do respect the fact that they see her as family but my parents quickly lost interest in any direct contact with my ex once they learned the full story. I simply would refuse to participate in any family events your ex is at. If in those times, you have possession of the kids, I'd take them somewhere else. If say you have them for Christmas..take them on a trip instead. You can't shift your parents' ignorance but you can punish them with access to their grandchildren. Of course your ex wife can…
/r/Divorce_Men13/11/24 08:54 PM
8

" That was my wife. My best friend. The mom of my kids. The person I shared everything with. My whole world. Now someone else is kissing her, making her laugh and smile, all like I never even existed" Incorrect. That was the role she played during your marriage. That woman you see now, that's actually her. There is no closure...answers just cause more pain. Stop seeking relief. There is none to be found. You must endure and grow numb to the pain. It took me a couple of years to feel whole again.…
/r/Divorce_Men13/11/24 08:48 PM
5

Establish a direct relationship with your grandson that doesn't involve your daughter. He's 19, for sure he has a phone. Start texting with him, share your boomer memes and laugh at his zoomer ones. It's not that hard to develop a relationship with a young person if you meet them where they are (emotionally/interests/etc). Your daughter is 50% your wife and she's female so she's modeled her behavior after her mother. Best to make good w/ your grandson and tolerate your daughter but don't make th…
/r/Divorce_Men13/11/24 08:34 PM
14

I stopped dating for this very reason. I am so conditioned to please that no matter what these crazy gals I dated threw at me...I felt myself sliding back into that familiar role. Deleted all dating apps. Said a sincere prayer to God if he wants me with someone, he will send her my way. So far all evidence points to me being alone as His plan, and I am fine with it. Edit remark: it was easier for me bc I have a son that lives with me full time. He's about to turn 18 and we are just as much frien…
/r/Divorce_Men13/11/24 07:42 PM
3

don't take the bait...she just wants to fight.
/r/Divorce_Men12/11/24 07:22 PM
1

It takes (for me) about 18 months to recover from cheating in a relationship. It's not just the betrayal that sucks...it's the replaying all the events of the marriage. All the times that you sensed something off with your wife, you analyze those moments once you learn what your spouse is capable of. I learned about my ex's cheating in 2019. It was late 2020 or early 2021 when I finally was done analyzing our relationship. For me, it was about 6 months until I could breathe easily again, a year …
/r/Divorce_Men12/11/24 07:21 PM
2

I thought I was but looking back we were just two broken kids, from broken homes who found each other and had a powerful trauma bond. Once we matured the differences between us were vast. I handled it better than she did. To her, everything became a hill to die on. I surrendered on so many fronts but none of them buying me any relief. She's gone, I'm thriving, she's now spiraling. It was a lot of work holding her world together but in the end I wasn't able to keep fitting the pieces back togethe…
/r/Divorce_Men12/11/24 06:25 PM
2

A spouse that makes you miserable usually makes the children miserable too. Invest your time in your kids, when they are of an age to choose, divorce and keep them. Leaving sooner is a better choice but there are future off ramps ahead where you get to be a full time parent if you play your cards right
/r/Divorce_Men08/11/24 11:14 PM
5

My marriage crumbled in 2016 bc I didn't hate Trump enough. I never voted for him. I've always kept up with politics and personally, i loathe them all...from both parties. I don't trust politicians ever. But because I didn't set my hair on fire about Trump and just kept my natural anti-authoritarian disposition she had trouble accepting that. But don't get your situation twisted...Trump isn't driving the wedge in your family, your wife is. She needs to mature a bit and learn that it is okay to k…
/r/Divorce_Men08/11/24 06:13 PM
2

We didn't split until my son was a teenager. After she had him for 6 months on the other side of the country he asked to visit. Upon his arrival he stated he would never go back and he didn't. He hasn't spoken to his mother in like two years now...he turns 18 next month.
/r/Divorce_Men31/10/24 06:28 PM
3

staying with an unhappy woman will take years off of your life. Let her go and don't be jealous (these relationships never work out in the end)
/r/Divorce_Men31/10/24 06:26 PM
7

If you have a good relationship why mess it up with marriage?
/r/Divorce_Men14/10/24 08:48 PM
1

Your best friend would never do this to you.
/r/Divorce_Men24/09/24 11:19 PM
2

I find that it goes in cycles. My assumption is that our "relationship" highs occur when she's having a low period with whomever she's under at the moment. When I don't hear from her for a couple weeks I say a silent prayer for the poor dude that's keeping her attention ROFL
/r/Divorce_Men24/09/24 10:52 PM
2

it didn't help it but she was always who she was.....how she cheated meant less to me than the fact that she was always going to. I kinda knew it before I married her...when we spent all our time together...when we couldn't get enough of each other. In my heart I knew she wasn't one to trust. I told myself I was just being insecure. She wasn't the first hot gf that I had and the others never filled me with so much dread. I blame myself for going against my better judgement.
/r/Divorce_Men24/09/24 10:50 PM
3

I can have the most delightful conversation with my ex for about 15 minutes. That's as long as the charm lasts. After that I begin to smell the stench of her rotten soul and I'm thankful when the conversation ends. But in those first 15 minutes I feel nostalgic, wonder how we could have gotten lost on our path. It's so easy to talk to someone who knows everything about you. It's hard to listen to her when I know everything about her. It's a head trip
/r/Divorce_Men24/09/24 10:34 PM
3

why? Divorce and even living alone suck but in a toxic enough marriage they are better than staying. Had I only felt bored, annoyed, or apathetic towards my ex wife I would have stayed married and been happier than I am now. My ex was a bull that brought her own china shop everywhere she went so being lonely and divorce was an upgrade for me. It might not be for you though....depends on what has happened that lead you to thinking this way.
/r/Divorce_Men19/09/24 08:45 PM
16

Female relationships are just more volatile than male relationships. Like most dudes in my life that I've had beef with were settled over a beer, a handshake or in my younger days maybe a couple punches. Afterwards, if me and that person weren't friends, we didn't go out of our way to spite one another. Women on the other hand, when there is a problem in a friend group, it turns into tribal warfare. Their friendships have a nuclear meltdown when they end. That's how they end their marriages too …
/r/Divorce_Men19/09/24 08:19 PM
6

Drinking problems destroy relationships but they don't make a non cheater suddenly cheat. The cheating is entirely on her, not you. I don't know your ex wife but I'd be anxious about sharing those poems. Not that she'd use them to embarrass you but that might only serve to sugar her ego a bit.
/r/Divorce_Men19/09/24 08:12 PM
3

I sometimes wear mine when I go to a bar or a club. More women approach me when I'm wearing a wedding band ROFL. I don't have any interest, if I'm in a club it's bc a DJ I'm a fan of is there but I kinda wear it as a social experiment
/r/Divorce_Men18/09/24 08:20 PM
7

This sounds like she's in the late stages of her exit affair. I'd try to find out what's going on. It will piss you off but having clarity will help the healing.
/r/Divorce_Men17/09/24 04:15 PM
6

I wish I could remove my last name from my ex wife. She dishonors it with how she lives her life now
/r/Divorce_Men13/09/24 07:01 PM
1

You should get as much physical custody as legally possible. Look at it this way....your girls are half you and half her. They are already predisposed to be more like their mother that you could ever be. It's important that you, with an actual value system are their primary influence. You don't want to raise two little angels who grow up and then treat men the way your wife does. When I had the final custody talk with my wife this was the argument that I laid out in front of her. I said by our s…
/r/Divorce_Men04/09/24 02:12 AM
1

I made similar mistakes...the only thing for the situation is to stop making them. It's the only fix. I'm 5 years free and I'm not willing to entertain the idea of forgiving myself yet. Any anger i feel towards her I feel 10x as much at me.
/r/Divorce_Men02/09/24 02:21 AM
1

I have full custody of our child so I don't get the chance to be lonely. I did do about 6 months alone though and that was harder. I'm not sure but I think having been an only child who grew up in a rural setting conditioned me to being okay with being alone. My summer vacations were fairly solitary
/r/Divorce_Men02/09/24 02:19 AM
2

I never cheated or hit her or tried to control her. She had a tendency to start a lot of projects and then walk away from them. After 10 years of that, I admit I treated her new interests with indifference and I know it hurt her. She was always finding a new cause to be a zealot over and as she got more ridiculous the less I engaged with her. I don't think it justified her cheating on me and she never showed any interest in the things I was interested in. I thought staying in my lane was best bu…
/r/Divorce_Men02/09/24 02:07 AM
-5

I'd be tempted to call her bluff and schedule some male bonding like a fishing trip or something. You could plant some seeds of doubt in him about her but make it subtle...keep your nose clean. If your ex is as most are she will show her cards eventually but if you planted a few seeds it might speed it along. Like "does she still do that thing?" and then describe some toxic trait in a very innocuous way...like you're not being severe towards her. The wiser choice is to just not engage
/r/Divorce_Men02/09/24 01:41 AM
2

The first one we were very young and she did actually try hard after that. We had many good years before she reverted back to her form. I tolerated 2017 bc I didn't think my son would choose me over her. In 2020 my son did though. Having my son aside, I REALLY wished I would have walked in 2003
/r/Divorce_Men31/08/24 04:16 PM
3

Gratz brother! That's amazing news dude...well done. Guard your heart, I expect plenty of bumps along the way. It will take time to undo that damage. You may even have to suffer unfair treatment from your kids but over time, by being a stand up dude you'll show 'em what you're really about
/r/Divorce_Men31/08/24 05:02 AM
25

Saw a text pop up on her phone (2003) Got suspicious and checked her facebook profile (2017) Found some greeting cards he had gave to her (2019) Third time was finally the charm (3rd different dude too). I finally had enough. Bros, do yourself a favor and stop at one. I can only prove the 2019 was physical but the emotional affairs (if that's all they were) should have been enough. Now, if you will excuse me, I'm going to go back to kicking myself for ever giving her a 2nd chance.
/r/Divorce_Men30/08/24 11:52 PM
1

Once you get over the mental block that keep recasting your ex wife in the light you saw her in when you were married it gets easier. Once you take off the rose tinted glasses and see the reality of the person you want out of your life the rest comes more naturally. Your children are very young though so this won't be easy for a couple of decades. Maybe you'll be blessed and your ex wife will be a responsible coparent but most divorced women use kids as a way of injuring their exes. It doesn't m…
/r/Divorce_Men27/08/24 07:01 PM
3

don't ever take her word for what your children are saying. My ex put lots of quotes in my kid's mouth that he never said. When I finally asked him about it he was stunned and immediately cut his mother off.
/r/Divorce_Men27/08/24 04:28 PM
3

I'd also look around and see what she might be up to. My ex did all those things and I realized after discovery, she'd invent problems to create the conflict necessary to ease her guilt for cheating. The absolute worst thing I could do in her eyes during those months was to give her what she wanted. She'd always move the goalposts. I wish I had done more detective work before letting her know that I knew. I'd advise you to see why she NEEDS to have you be the bad guy. Fault finding is what she's…
/r/Divorce_Men23/08/24 05:35 PM
3

my ex was an SA survivor and a manipulative narcissist...she used her past trauma as a get out of jail free card whenever she was caught out. By the end of it all some things leapt from my mouth that I am not proud of but you can only be beaten over the head for so long by something before you just grow numb to it. She told me so many lies during the course of our relationship I'm not even sure I believe she was a victim. She might've been....but then again, she'd lie and say water wasn't wet if…
/r/Divorce_Men23/08/24 03:07 PM
3

I took mine off when I realized we weren't going to get back together. I still wear it sometimes though when I go out to a nightclub or a bar just to assess how many girls with no morals are there on any given night. It's sad to say but I always got way more female attention wearing it than with it off. I don't take any of these women home mind you, I don't go to clubs for that reason. I'm usually going to see a DJ I'm a fan of. I just sometimes wear the wedding band for sport lol
/r/Divorce_Men15/08/24 08:12 PM
3

wow you're still in full caretaker mode, she's an adult, if she has problems, it's her responsibility to get them treated, not yours to fully accommodate while she does little to nothing. She's not a helpless person lacking agency who ended up being involved in a mistake. She put in the effort to cheat on you because she desired it...not because of conditions and mistakes that you made. Once you are free and clear of her you'll be thankful to not have to lug her emotional baggage everywhere.
/r/Divorce_Men14/08/24 09:23 PM
1

My son was 13 when we separated. He went with her for 6 months and asked to come home. My ex wife respected his wishes (to her credit!). When he got back he asked me about some things she had told him that were obviously lies that I could disprove. He refuses to speak to her now. To my ex wife's credit she respects our child's wishes. At first I thought she was being noble but now I think she's glad to be free of the responsibility. So basically it was all down to our son's wishes....i doubt a c…
/r/Divorce_Men13/08/24 05:35 PM
1

I have full custody of our son and he's just as much my friend as my kid (he's 17 now and grown). I do sometimes feel an icy shard penetrate my heart when I think of the day that's he's grown and moves out. Not sure what I will do then but at least by now there are no thoughts of wanting to be with HER again. Mostly I've found modern women (at least in major US cities) ...their juice isn't worth the squeeze. I have also grown cynical about relationships. When I see a "happy couple" I just feel s…
/r/Divorce_Men12/08/24 10:16 PM
9

it's painful when you see your vision of your woman isn't the reality of her being. You obviously were projecting your heart's desire upon her. It allows you to make excuses for all the behaviors she exhibited that flew in the face of your view of her. Eventually you'll see that were her all the time. I know this from experience. It took me a long time to accept that my ex wife had been trash even when we were dating.
/r/Divorce_Men12/08/24 10:03 PM
3

sorry you were discarded but someone who would leave like that would make for a miserable marriage. You have been blessed but you don't realize it yet.
/r/Divorce_Men12/08/24 10:00 PM
3

Even if you want this relationship to last you need to stomp on the divorce accelerator. She needs to know that you don't serve as husband at her pleasure. There's a price for acting like this and the price is you filing. She will either agree w/ divorce or realize her mistake. She may realize her mistake w/o you filing, but if the reconciliation is entirely on her terms she won't respect you anymore. Personally I think you ought to just help her in her moment of indecision and just file and don…
/r/Divorce_Men12/08/24 09:52 PM
3

Reading books helped me bc they require total concentration. I also did jigsaw puzzles for a couple years. It's just delaying the reckoning you have to do with her memory. Eventually you'll feel less and less. I have been free of mine for like 5 years now and at least once a week I feel the urge to text her and tell her was an asshole she is but I don't. The feeling is fleeting, like remembering your first love or something. Eventually life starts happening again, maybe not a new relationship bu…
/r/Divorce_Men12/08/24 09:44 PM
1

appreciate your honesty....if I were friends of either of you, I'd advise yall to divorce. There's no coming back from your affair and you hid debt...eeesh. And there's no coming back from the awful things she said to you. Yall need to separate so you can both heal. You are both fully to blame for this marriage breaking down.
/r/Divorce_Men08/08/24 06:38 PM
3

You're so young and you've been married for such a short time, I'd trade places with ya. I know that doesn't help your feelings but you've got more life ahead of you than behind you. Avoid marrying bisexuals bc you'll never have any confidence when she's with her guy friends or girl friends. It's just more drama that it's worth. Find a more traditional gal...they make for better wives anyhow
/r/Divorce_Men08/08/24 06:35 PM
1

You got good advice about the wise things to do but I'd offer some less helpful advice. Find out what is actually going on. It's good to get the bad out of the way fast. I'm still stumbling across lies that ex wife told me and even though I have no love for that woman, it still hurts...A LOT. Each discovery hurts bc each one recontextualizes all the bullshit I made peace with prior. Better to get to the bottom of it now and find out who she's seeing or what was the bad influence on her that lead…
/r/Divorce_Men08/08/24 06:31 PM
2

Hmmmm....I don't know. Does it "feel" like she's cheating? When I was married I would have thrown something like that away bc i had no use for it. I would just observe, especially since your history you don't really have a moral leg to stand on here. That doesn't mean you have to allow her to cheat but in your situation, you're going to need more than a hunch (to be fair since she showed you the grace to not leave you after you cheated).
/r/Divorce_Men08/08/24 06:26 PM
5

No telling what she told them. I'd look at it as a reflection on her more so than one of yourself or even your in laws.
/r/Divorce_Men07/08/24 05:21 PM
4

No judge is going to screw you over harder than being married to that woman. Just get out!! You can always make more money but you won't be able to buy back the dignity staying married to her is costing you
/r/Divorce_Men06/08/24 09:10 PM
2

I think this is mostly a symptom of your workplace. Been in my current job for 3 years as a single dad. When I have to take my son to the doctor I tell my supervisors and they are like "say less, it's for your kid, don't sweat it". There are workplaces that aren't toxic...every work place has their bad parts but respecting parents is pretty standard behavior from good companies.
/r/Divorce_Men06/08/24 06:33 PM
21

the only woman I trust with my feelings is my mother and even that has conditions.
/r/Divorce_Men02/08/24 04:36 PM
1

my ex was addicted to reddit...she'd literally scroll all day long. After we split and I got full custody, she'd come visit him, talk to him for 5 minutes and then start scrolling again. It was bizarre. That wasn't the only issue we had, we had many but yeah smartphones turn some wife brains to mush and robs them of their ambition.
/r/Divorce_Men01/08/24 07:04 PM
1

For an escape, alcohol or drugs (as in my case) are very tempting but the most effective escape I found was reading a really good book. It requires concentration, it relaxes you, and if you really love the book, it's a place where you can run to and avoid the spiraling thoughts for a moment. Unlike with alcohol and drugs, reading is cheap and you don't feel awful the next day.
/r/Divorce_Men01/08/24 06:51 PM
1

I live in a major US city on the west coast so public transportation is an option. I gave up owning a car. It's the only way to comfortably support my son and I in this city. It does suck losing that freedom but for many reasons we can't move right now and I don't want a roommate just to afford owning a vehicle.
/r/Divorce_Men01/08/24 06:43 PM
13

Ignore every word spoken by a woman and only pay attention to their actions.
/r/Divorce_Men26/07/24 06:29 PM
7

She was always injuring herself and having health scares. I don't blame her for it but it's nice to not have to deal with it anymore. Like a week after her affair came to light she was diagnosed with breast cancer and I had to nurse her thru that while wanting to kill her myself. Once she got better, she moved across the country to be with her affair partner (when her hair started growing back that is). She's my son's mother, I don't want her dead so I guess I would do it again but yeah, I still…
/r/Divorce_Men26/07/24 06:27 PM
1

5 years gone she never appears in my dreams but she tells me occasionally (we are friendly but not quite friends) that I star in hers often. I think it comes down to regret. I have none and she has many. 2 years after split it's not unheard of to still have regrets. I have more dreams about my parents still being married than I ever do about being with my ex
/r/Divorce_Men15/07/24 11:06 PM
1

I guess it depends on the reason for the divorce...if another man was involved, this likely won't end well for you.
/r/Divorce_Men15/07/24 11:02 PM
12

Focus on your kids bc she is a lost cause. The fact that one of your daughters recognizes the situation for what it is, is great. She can explain it to the other kids and you can keep your nose clean. The fact you have daughters who carry 50% of her make up, it's important that they identify with you and not her. They are predisposed to be like their mother and their mother having a strong influence on them will lead them to living the same kind of life. It's best if you are the biggest influenc…
/r/Divorce_Men15/07/24 10:59 PM
8

petty but I support it lol
/r/Divorce_Men09/07/24 03:20 AM
2

I was fighting over a teenage boy so xbox live baby. He spent every moment of every weekend in voice chat with me while we played minecraft. He's with me and what are we doing at this exact moment??? Playing minecraft and it's been like 3 years of this ROFL. It's an okay game, I don't dislike it but I play it bc it's how me and my son bond
/r/Divorce_Men04/07/24 04:10 AM
5

I caution anyone who's thinking of cutting their family off bc in moments like these, we often find our friends were more friends of convenience. It's good to have family to fall back on. I was isolated from my family and friends by my ex wife. When she left and I finally got up the nerve to call my family, they were so happy to hear from me and immediately started working to provide me some support to get thru the separation.
/r/Divorce_Men01/07/24 05:43 PM
4

Look to her (your daughter) for your joy and you'll be happier than you ever were in marriage.
/r/Divorce_Men01/07/24 05:33 PM
8

don't leave her thinking you'll find some new partner to make all your dreams come true. Only leave if she's being toxic and/or you realize you'd be happier alone than with her. It's not fun trying to date in middle age.
/r/Divorce_Men01/07/24 05:30 PM
2

Ugh....messy situation...cheaters always blame their victim and are adapt at it. She's been having that argument with you in her head every time she cheated so by the time you confront her or she blows up at you..she's well versed, could probably even pass a polygraph. You're going to have to surrender how she raises the kids on her time to her. If you try to overcorrect when they are with you, that's going to cause the kids to pull away from you. When it comes to her actions and having expectat…
/r/Divorce_Men28/06/24 06:21 PM
3

for awhile, you have to go thru the motions but little by little life will pull you back into his grasp. For me, I need something to look forward to. I like concerts and music and have quite a few artists that I follow (mostly indie artists). I scan to see who's coming to my city. Almost always, there's a concert I'm looking forward to. Next month I see Violent Femmes for the first time and I'm excited. I had to pay a bit for those tickets. The reason I mentioned indie artists, is those tickets …
/r/Divorce_Men27/06/24 05:34 PM
3

It's going to be rough....I'd find activities that occupy your time and energy outside of the house when you aren't caring for the children. You don't have to go on dates with other women but letting her assume that you are may let her experience a bit of what she's doing to you. It won't fix anything but at least you won't feel so powerless.
/r/Divorce_Men27/06/24 05:28 PM
3

Not dating...I mean I have a bit but it's not something I put much priority in. My son is now 17, he's just as much by bro as he is my child. We hang out and do things. It's a simple life but it's full and rewarding. After the split I dated a bunch just to prove to myself that I could but most dates, I'd be sitting across from a woman with a bland personality wondering what my kid was up to and to hurry up and get home and play xbox with him lol
/r/Divorce_Men26/06/24 09:38 PM
2

Does the neighbor have a spouse or partner? I'd make sure they know what is going on.
/r/Divorce_Men26/06/24 06:37 PM
12

Looks like you are raising 3 children by yourself. Stop waiting for your eldest child (wife) to realize you are worthy of being treated better. It's just not going to happen. Stop listening to her words they only serve to confuse and misdirect you. I'm speaking from experience. My wife could have said "maybe things would be different if the run rose in the west tomorrow" and I would have endeavored to do it for. Most of the things toxic wives ask us to work on are side quests while she's lining …
/r/Divorce_Men26/06/24 05:35 PM
4

If I wanted more kids I might consider it but I'm 46 this year, my son turns 18...I'm done. I can't see any reason I'd ever marry again. Plus girlfriends make a lot more of an effort than wives do...why sign something that ensures she no longer has to try to please you as you strive to please her?
/r/Divorce_Men26/06/24 05:18 PM
11

The few people whom I tell my story to always sympathize and say the nice things and say how awful my ex was. I always correct them that this was all ENTIRELY my fault. I knew the nature of her when she was my girlfriend and married her anyway. I ignored some really good and promising off ramps in our marriage that would have lead me to a better life/job/etc but I kept living for her. Then she did what she was always going to do and I felt angry but mostly angry at myself. I had 17 years to get …
/r/Divorce_Men24/06/24 06:11 PM
8

I bet it's not that deep...in the middle of my ex wife's most toxic behavior she'd have moments where she'd say some throw away line that I would cling to like a life preserver in hopes it was a sign of a change in direction of our relationship. I learned to ignore every single thing she said and focus entirely on her actions. The actions tell the truth.
/r/Divorce_Men19/06/24 11:19 PM
1

I love blues music but had to take a two year break from it. Now I can listen to the blues and my ex doesn't even register. Gratz!!! As far as U2 goes...One is a really powerful breakup song. "Did I ask too much? More than a lot You gave me nothing, now it's all I got We're one, but we're not the same Well, we hurt each other, then we do it again You say love is a temple, love a higher law Love is a temple, love the higher law You ask me to enter, but then you make me crawl And I can't be holdin…
/r/Divorce_Men18/06/24 09:32 PM
8

I sympathize. I put off looking for the evidence I knew I would find for several months out of dread. She's using you for an ATM while she plays the field. You need to take ownership of your life and not just be a passenger on her ride brother.
/r/Divorce_Men18/06/24 04:40 PM
3

If you are talking to a girl on an app, accept she's talking to at least 10 other dudes. If she smells more money on one of them, she's gonna ghost.
/r/Divorce_Men17/06/24 04:48 PM
5

I mean you'd be within your rights to leave but if you want to try to save it you have to make her feel like she's not a priority to you. That you have other things going on that are more interesting. It's sad to have to play games but right now your wife is operating from a position of certainty. She won't make an effort until she feels she must.
/r/Divorce_Men17/06/24 02:53 PM
3

Thanks for sharing that. Luckily I was blessed by instinctively doing some of those things and I got my son back in 6 months. The part I found amusing is just how badly my son's mother is blowing it with her inability to see past her feelings.
/r/Divorce_Men14/06/24 09:26 PM
20

Honestly I've grown fairly cynical about the concept of the female idea of love. They love you the way they love a new outfit, or a new song on the radio...to them it's an emotional sensation. Men more often love for life, though we are sometimes slower to fall in love. We often act like love is a choice, a choice we made to commit to another person's wellbeing.
/r/Divorce_Men13/06/24 04:39 PM
3

I experienced this once before (that I heard, I'm sure it happened many more times). I just set in the other room and held my breath. Prayed my son was the young man I thought him to be and I was was right. He shut her down (politely in his own way). Invest emotionally in your kid and your kid will make the right choice. Poison words can only be effective if your kid doesn't have their own opinions/thoughts of you.
/r/Divorce_Men12/06/24 04:51 PM
4

I get it bruv, I too used to assign my value by whether I had a woman standing by me. It lead me into a string of relationships where I was always the one chasing, and smoothing out all the issues. I've been alone for 5 years now. Lemme tell ya...it was an education. The biggest thing I learned is, I like me...I'm pretty cool and have cool hobbies. I actually enjoy myself now more than any of those toxic relationships I had. It didn't happen overnight...the first couple of years were awful but I…
/r/Divorce_Men11/06/24 09:26 PM
10

I don't see what good meeting her would do. If your ex objects to your gf, it's not like you'd dump her. It seems like a power play to me...her way of injecting herself into your home life. Granted, we are all colored by our past relationships and obviously my ex was extremely toxic for this to be the advice that I give so take it with a pinch of salt. But yeah, whether your ex likes or dislikes your gf, it won't change anything so why the need to plan a meeting?
/r/Divorce_Men11/06/24 09:23 PM
2

"Thing that we both can agree on is that we want what’s best for the children" lol...wait bruv...wait til her lawyer gets involved. Prepare for war, there will be no nobility found with this ship goes down. She's absolutely depraved to be carrying on that way. The things she said to you are so out of bounds. Steady yourself...she's going to try and burn your life down if you don't protect yourself. Stop playing by her rules...you can act however you wish to act. She doesn't get to require that y…
/r/Divorce_Men10/06/24 09:28 PM
2

She's married and it's kind of up to her to get unmarried. This doesn't seem like your fight and is between her and her husband. Trying to make a future with someone who's already married is building upon shifting sands
/r/Divorce_Men04/06/24 05:06 PM
11

I kind of did at first but then, for me, realized that was an unhealthy way of looking at the problem. Mistakes and betrayal of my ex wife have nothing to do with who I am as a person. It was her personality defect. I just focused on learning how to be alone. I turn 46 this year and looking back, I've had a girlfriend and then later a wife every year of my life since I was 16. It wasn't that I was just so amazing with the ladies, I put a premium on having a partner bc I didn't like being left al…
/r/Divorce_Men04/06/24 04:53 PM
6

"I realize that I don't want to be playing games at this point in my life" for real bro...felt that. Being alone isn't the greatest but I've lived alone (with my son) for 5 years now and they are without a doubt the five best years of my adulthood bc I don't have to play games for there to be peace in my house now.
/r/Divorce_Men04/06/24 01:20 AM
16

"She was out of town with her sister this weekend " I would confirm that. This wishy-washy bs is often associated with an affair. If that isn't the case (and I truly hope for you it is not) continue pulling away from her. Live for yourself and act happier than you are. It triggers something in the female lizard brain that she might be missing out if you are doing good for yourself. Others say "run" and they aren't wrong. I'm just saying this situation isn't exactly hopeless but unfortunately you…
/r/Divorce_Men03/06/24 06:25 PM
5

Do something for yourself that you wouldn't do if she were around. I LOVE films and books but my ex made her traumatic childhood the cornerstone of her personality. I mean credit to her, she overcame a lot but managing her trauma was one of the most taxing jobs of mine during our marriage. I watched all movies before her to screen out anything that might trigger her and avoid a lot of edgy, gritty, dark indie films that I enjoy. I recently started watching all the films I skipped bc of her and i…
/r/Divorce_Men03/06/24 05:17 PM
5

Boys need their fathers and of course he's going to be resentful with your ex wife shacking up with her AP. Get him away from those toxic people.
/r/Divorce_Men03/06/24 12:20 AM
6

I'd stop going for awhile. Once she sees you're not attending there's a good chance she will stop going too. I suspect part of her motivation is to annoy you.
/r/Divorce_Men02/06/24 07:41 PM
7

I don't recommend what I did...I drank myself to sleep for a year. Looking back I think I could have quit sooner than I did. I was afraid of the night thoughts, mind movies, and all the negative emotion that would create a feedback loop and keep me up all night. When I finally tried to sleep sober again, I did it without any problems. Not gonna lie to you, the only cure for what you're going thru is time. For me, it took about 6 months to feel like I could breathe freely again. A year before I c…
/r/Divorce_Men31/05/24 05:16 PM
1

I don't know your history but two weeks seems like a great amount of time for a summer trip. I know it will hurt knowing they are under the wife's influence and the influence of her family for that long but you have to hold serve here. By your actions make yourself the logical reliable, safe, fun, and trustworthy parent. It will speak more loudly than the opinions of extended family and the bad mouthing of you by your ex wife. 7 and 9 are still young but old enough to know what's what. You just …
/r/Divorce_Men31/05/24 12:15 AM
4

bro I was so dumb that when my wife left with my son i said "he wouldn't be going with you if he knew the truth", she said "I already told him, he just doesn't want to be around you" and I BELIEVED HER. My son decided to come home before he learned the truth bc he could sense that things were off with his mother. When I said in casual conversation that "I wished things had gone different but once your mom did what she did there was no going back" he looked at me like I was talking in a different…
/r/Divorce_Men31/05/24 12:06 AM
1

She doesn't truly know the answers to those questions so it's not worth the breath asking them. Everything you learn will hurt more...but I get it...even w/o new information your brain is going to start connecting lots of dots. You'll know more by not speaking with her than if you were to actually ask. Her words will just cast doubt on you, gaslight you, and give you phantoms to argue with your mind.
/r/Divorce_Men30/05/24 08:40 PM
7

First thing first don't agree to be on the birth certificate without a paternity test
/r/Divorce_Men30/05/24 08:36 PM
4

Don't shield your children from the truth about their mother. Hiding and deflecting what she did only serves one person, your soon to be ex wife. Best they have a full understanding so they can heal and react to this news as they desire. I regret the time that past with my son not knowing the full story.
/r/Divorce_Men30/05/24 08:31 PM
1

I'm 5 years past discovery and I'm comfortably numb about it. I'm not saying "i'm healed" just that part of me burned out and is incapable of feeling. I spent a lot of time connecting dots, all the weird excuses over the years, my mind dragged them into the light and made me look at how willfully blind I let myself become. I forgave her years ago but not ready to extend the same grace to myself. I knew better, i knew better all along but i convinced myself that "she's different". There were pret…
/r/Divorce_Men29/05/24 11:06 PM
1

mine comes into town once per year and we usually meet up for a drink. It's good to have that reminder sometimes
/r/Divorce_Men29/05/24 12:16 AM
15

there's another dude...don't chase...go dark on her...it's probably your only chance to get her back (but you really don't want her back). She's been shady af
/r/Divorce_Men25/05/24 02:50 AM
6

I'm not saying my advice is "healthy" but I was too angry to be healthy. I became the subject matter expert in any interest shown by my son...not just fronting...I'd do a deep dive. I never bad mouthed his mother but I used my demeanor and my behavior to highlight her inadequacies as a parent. I didn't talk at my son I talked with him. I listened. I respected his opinions. It took 6 months until my son begged to live with me full time. A year of living with me he cut off his mother entirely. He'…
/r/Divorce_Men24/05/24 07:55 PM
1

Why does she want to go to Greece for a month? Does she have family there? If she does...I'd be tempted to go too. I have a family friend who's child was smuggled out of the country and he hasn't seen his son in close to 10 years. Of course you know your ex and probably have an understand of what she's capable of
/r/Divorce_Men23/05/24 10:01 PM
9

I was active on dating apps right after as well...it was a distraction from the torment but in the end...it just put off the inevitable. You need to be okay, fine with, totally cool, with being alone or else you'll always be at the mercy of the women in your life.
/r/Divorce_Men23/05/24 05:35 PM
6

Ooof...I'm on the west coast, my ex is on the east coast and I sometimes wish there were a few more mountain ranges between us.
/r/Divorce_Men15/05/24 04:48 PM
9

They are your children but they are also daughters and the "sisterhood" is strong. You'll have to remain open to them and when the toxic traits that ruined your marriage assert themselves in the child/mother relationship, hopefully your daughters will have a light bulb moment and come running to find you.
/r/Divorce_Men01/05/24 08:19 PM
1

COVID did a number on us...we were already headed for splitsville but yeah. She absconded with him in the middle of the night and moved across the country. She used fear of covid to keep my son from flying home to see me. Kept me away from him for the better part of six months using covid as a fear tactic.
/r/Divorce_Men24/04/24 11:14 PM
19

Bro, I've been going thru similar since 2019. I realized earlier this week, it's this damn house, it's this damn city. She left with her lover to move across the country. I only lived in this city bc of her. She left me with our child. I decided I'm moving back to where I grew up. My family has a lot of land and I'm gonna go live in the woods and my son wants to go as well. It's the first time I've felt hope in 5 years. I don't know your situation, but maybe you need a fresh horizon to move you …
/r/Divorce_Men24/04/24 09:07 PM
1

Sounds like the mother will author her own misfortune. Be a good dad, and watch her burn her world down. Kids do just fine in single parent households when it's the father they live with. Not so for single parents homes with only a mother. Your ex wife is illustrating why that is often the case. I used to doubt my abilities to raise my son alone. What would I do if he got sick...how would a feed him since I could barely cook. A few years later, I'm a better cook than my ex wife ever was and fate…
/r/Divorce_Men24/04/24 08:52 PM
3

ship is sailed, they've already had sex with someone else before they bring up the divorce talk
/r/Divorce_Men11/04/24 09:06 PM
6

There's really no substitute for time in this situation. New pleasures can relieve the symptoms for awhile but they do nothing other than pause the timer...the pain is still there waiting for you to process it. It took six months to a year before I felt I could take a deep breath again. It took a year and a half before I didn't dread laying down at night (that's when my brain liked to torture me). Five years later, when I think about the very worst things she did to me (there's a lot to choose f…
/r/Divorce_Men27/03/24 11:22 PM
7

He's obviously still a member of your soon to be wife's family...you're the new guy...be careful making waves in a family unit. Maybe they shouldn't have divorced. This dude is the father/dad/daddy of your soon to be wife's children. I wouldn't just assume your feelings are ever going to matter more than that. Edit: Sorry for the tone bro but understand YOU are the enemy in the story of most men on this sub...we all had to deal with the new dude around OUR kids and had to deal with their thought…
/r/Divorce_Men27/03/24 06:58 PM
2

I've heard of divorce in absentia in the United States..just googled SA and there seems to be a similar option there called "Substituted Service"...feel kinda dumb telling you this as I'm sure you've already looked into. Anyway here is where I found the information: link
/r/Divorce_Men27/03/24 02:57 AM
2

I have know way of knowing...my ex spouse was from a different planet, not another country. If the marriage happened in SA and not the US, can't you just process it there even if your ex doesn't participate?
/r/Divorce_Men26/03/24 09:21 PM
4

glad to hear i'm not alone in having a child that won't speak to their mother. I don't know why, but I tried so hard to fix their relationship bc I thought I'd be judged harshly for my son deciding that. I eventually realized if I expect my son to trust me, I should trust him. If he doesn't want to deal with his mother, he's got his reasons that I should respect. I dropped it then and there but I felt small about it for an entire year
/r/Divorce_Men26/03/24 07:14 PM
8

My ex, our child refuses to speak to her. That pretty much rules out "better off". She does have a few more toys than she did before, her man spoiled her for a bit...tried to buy my son too but that didn't work. Now she's losing her looks, drinks all the time and seems to be alone again. There is no objective way in which she can say her life is better but she would NEVER admit it. She's waaay too proud to admit she effed up her life. I have less money than before, celibate as hell but honestly …
/r/Divorce_Men26/03/24 07:12 PM
2

He'd been gone for a few months and on New Years Eve I was sitting up feeling low and thinking dark thoughts. I just sent him a text message stating something along the lines of "I went along with you moving with your mother bc I didn't want to make your life harder but do know I'm not okay with being away from you and I miss you every day and I wish we were together". He was home in about 3 weeks after sending that message. I hadn't told him how I felt about HIM and was letting my ex color the …
/r/Divorce_Men26/03/24 07:07 PM
13

My son was 13 when it all hit the fan and quite independent in thought and spirit. He went along with his mother bc he thought he was expected to but that only lasted a few months. He's been with me the last few years and went no contact with the mother. The kids will eventually see thru mom's bs. You gotta keep your nose clean and do all you can from afar. You keep yourself available bc most kids will have that light bulb moment, and see their parents for the people they are....you want your ch…
/r/Divorce_Men26/03/24 03:35 AM
12

I might cohabitate with a woman but unless I find a unicorn there's no way I'd reconsider marriage. Marriage tends to make women take their men for granted. Girlfriends get a much shorter leash so if I had a good thing going with a woman, I wouldn't mess it up with marriage lol
/r/Divorce_Men16/03/24 02:12 AM
5

I sympathize with your feelings, you aren't wrong but sadly there's nothing for it other than letting it go. Even if awful things befell her, it wouldn't make you feel better. You gotta let go of that poison. I know, it's easier said than done.
/r/Divorce_Men15/03/24 05:37 PM
1

He's my best bro
/r/Divorce_Men15/03/24 05:34 PM
4

Not me but that was my parent's situation. Dad quit drinking the second she walked out but my mother said she waited too long and "the love had died". They divorced.
/r/Divorce_Men14/03/24 12:02 AM
13

I always kinda chuckle when a difficult wife leaves her husband for a woman bc that wife is about to get a crash course in what it is like to have do deal with a female partner's emotionality
/r/Divorce_Men13/03/24 08:22 PM
12

my ex sent me a picture yesterday with fresh bruises on her face...I guess her AP is still hittin' that lol
/r/Divorce_Men12/03/24 09:12 PM
5

I don't know how old your kids are but I'm honest with my teenage son. Last night after a shitty day at work, and having to cook dinner for us he kept trying to talk to me about his video game and I was very short with him. 30ish minutes later I went to see him, asked him to tell me what he wanted to say and apologized for being short...explained my day and how tired i was. He was like "it's fine, I knew you weren't mad at me and were just frustrated". It's because I level with him when things a…
/r/Divorce_Men12/03/24 05:08 PM
2

Stay strong...last summer I failed a fishing test and exposed that maybe I still cared for her (we were drinking at a bar...she knows I don't regularly drink too). Been kicking myself since August. Don't take the bait
/r/Divorce_Men12/03/24 05:03 PM
5

I became a much better father after the mother was out of the way. You may discover the same about yourself
/r/Divorce_Men12/03/24 04:51 PM
1

yeah i'm not 20 years old anymore so anywhere/anytime ain't in the cards. I have to feel secure around a person now....can't do one night stands
/r/Divorce_Men12/03/24 12:32 AM
3

that's a pretty bland excuse for divorce...dig and find the real reason (hint, the reason might be found on her phone).
/r/Divorce_Men11/03/24 07:37 PM
4

It's a tricky situation. My parents divorced over my father's alcoholism but he quit the day she walked out and never drank again. I agreed with my mother leaving at first but her unwillingness to give my father a chance after he cleaned his act up left some resentment. We got past it though. If your wife is doing all the right things and you divorce her, I'd expect a reaction from your children. That's the part I'd be worried about
/r/Divorce_Men11/03/24 07:27 PM
5

It's sunk cost fallacy for me. I ran with lots of girls back in the day and always kept a healthy distance bc I knew better. But then I meet HER and think I should reorder my life bc she was so effin' awesome. It was great for a few years but the next 15 years was me trying to convince myself that I didn't play myself...that she was "different". I'm celibate af and rarely engage with women now bc I KNOW BETTER than to think something good would ever come from it. Some day I might change but I wi…
/r/Divorce_Men07/03/24 09:29 PM
10

I have a temper I won't lie but I just get quiet when I get angry bc I don't trust my mouth...I certainly would have never committed any violence against my ex. My ex mother in law one time asked me if her daughter was safe to come home and get some of her things and I laughed. I said "if I was gonna do that, I would have started a long time ago". Her mother laughed and agreed with me. I still call her mom...it's not her fault her daughter is a 304
/r/Divorce_Men07/03/24 08:11 PM
7

For me it took 6 months to breathe and a year to go to sleep at night without fear of the dreams. 18 months I slipped into a new routine. It gets better just takes time...don't be too hard on yourself
/r/Divorce_Men28/02/24 05:45 PM
1

I don't mind it...as long as a woman isn't coming here to rail at the men and is just seeking information or a desire to better understand a situation from a male perspective could be considered a good thing
/r/Divorce_Men28/02/24 05:37 PM
0

I'm not sure why you desire to hold on to this marriage seems like he wasn't much fun to be around. I'd move on if I were you.
/r/Divorce_Men28/02/24 05:36 PM
5

Are you SURE you don't have family members you could turn to...maybe patch something up with someone? Your feelings about wanting her to be miserable make PERFECT sense but lemme tell ya...once the novelty wears off it will just make you feel worse. You thinking it would be better if she were miserable is highlighting that you are still deeply connected to her emotionally and that's keeping you down. I'd focus on those kids..they are the only thing that matters. You need to find a way to approac…
/r/Divorce_Men27/02/24 03:29 AM
3

Not being defeated was the only battle I had left to fight so I knuckled down and fought back to reclaim the life I have now. It's not perfect but it's not over either
/r/Divorce_Men22/02/24 09:21 PM
3

I did a lot of the things you listed. I'm no where near the shape i was in when I met her (i was in the Army). I did improve my income but the big one is #3. I always believed her when she told me what she wanted and I tried to give it to her. I always fell for her shit tests believing she genuinely cared about the issue. Many years of that she lost all respect for me. When we dated she wasn't my priority as I was in the military and had bigger things going on. She put in so much work trying to …
/r/Divorce_Men22/02/24 08:57 PM
3

I guess it depends on how long your marriage has been over. If it's all very sudden, maybe hold off but if you've been clear of her for a long time I don't see it as the worst thing in the world to start now. That being said, make sure you've done a complete inventory of yourself and you understand the reasons for your feelings. It's easy to fall into the same trap you just clawed your way out of
/r/Divorce_Men20/02/24 08:31 PM
2

Dude, you need to remove those apps. You would be rightly pissed if you found your woman doing the same as you are. We gotta be better than this.
/r/Divorce_Men19/02/24 09:59 PM
12

" I guess the shame and embarrassment are finally starting to set in." I wouldn't put much money on that....she chose to let you see her in that condition.
/r/Divorce_Men19/02/24 09:56 PM
3

Brutal. I've got nothing to offer that can be worth saying after reading a story like that. I'm very sorry. It wasn't your fault. That could have happened to anyone. She never gave you a hint of the evil within. I don't think there is any prevention when a person is good at changing who they are on a dime.
/r/Divorce_Men19/02/24 09:27 PM
3

He was 13 when we split and within 6 months he was with me full time. It wasn't a judge that decided it initially, once he made his mind up and never let his displeasure go unnoticed and eventually she sent him back to me (she took him to the opposite coast before she even told me we were over so I was at a disadvantage of him being in another state). Xbox voice chat is where we solidified our bond over those 6 months. You gotta go to where your kid is at mentally to be a part of their world so …
/r/Divorce_Men16/02/24 10:40 PM
5

I ventured into the water shortly after she left and met a hot chick, who looked A LOT like my ex wife (red flag #1). She was a nurse (red flag #2) and was flakey (red flag #3). I caught myself explaining away these red flags and then like a bolt of lightning I was struck by the thought "YOU'RE DOING IT AGAIN DUMBASS.... RUN!". Since then I've mostly avoided dating bc I don't trust myself but the few dates I go on...never nurses.
/r/Divorce_Men16/02/24 07:38 PM
23

coparenting isn't simping my man, that's where the long war in the trenches begins. Here's a realization I made when my son's mother did pretty much the exact same thing. My son is 50% me and 50% her. She has proven she is without honor and no ability to regulate her actions. My son is 50% more likely to follow this road than I am bc he is half of her. I realized it was terribly important for my son's future that I am the majority if not entirely the influence bc she would just reinforce the neg…
/r/Divorce_Men16/02/24 07:30 PM
2

facts....it took my ...yeah, a long time to adjust to taking those meds. In one way having lots of stamina was great but it was awkward when was a good stopping point. Then you have do deal with the woman wondering if something is wrong with her...it's a mess
/r/Divorce_Men15/02/24 08:10 PM
4

gave my son some chocolate and cooked a big dinner for us...then we played Minecraft on our server
/r/Divorce_Men15/02/24 08:08 PM
2

good luck brother...be yourself and be chill and we are pulling for y a
/r/Divorce_Men14/02/24 06:03 PM
8

You'd be a fool to pass up this opportunity. Everyone is bringing spouses just means you should get to know the locals. In the Army I got to travel a bit and my favorite thing to do was go get lost by myself (which was very much against the standing orders but whatever). I remember a few nights in Thailand where I'd end up hanging out with locals a few towns over and would drag in at dawn. Those adventures were very exciting. Here's a chance for you to have an adventure. GO!!!!!
/r/Divorce_Men14/02/24 05:54 PM
2

oh for sure...I, like you, was never in any danger of doing something bad to myself but from where I stood in that moment, I could see how it happens to others. Like you, I just focused on my child and that was enough to endure. Therapists are a double edged sword and if someone is an effective liar, therapy isn't very useful. My ex was pretty skilled in lying and the info her therapist was operating with was very inaccurate which lead to the therapist giving awful advice.
/r/Divorce_Men14/02/24 05:52 PM
5

OMG! I read the title and was like "yep be there, got thru that" but no bro...this is on a different level. I'm friendlier than I should be w/ my ex but I don't volunteer info about my love life and I would NEVER want to hear it from her. Block her til she learns some respect or at least some effin' boundaries.
/r/Divorce_Men13/02/24 10:12 PM
4

Outstanding! Sounds like she's her own worst enemy which is great for you brother!!!
/r/Divorce_Men13/02/24 08:13 PM
14

Quit trying to reel in every nibble....just stop trying to please her. Withdrawal emotionally completely. It's the solution for getting over her and the solution for trying to get back together. As long as you present yourself as an option she's not going to pay you much mine. She's waiting to see how things go with the new guy and if you keep the door open she's gonna take her time.
/r/Divorce_Men11/02/24 04:58 AM
17

She's in shock, I wouldn't expect consistent from her any time soon. You cheated, bear it with as much grace as possible. She's earned the right to lash out.
/r/Divorce_Men11/02/24 04:48 AM
13

monkey branching is like modern woman 101
/r/Divorce_Men10/02/24 07:51 PM
15

Once and I believed her but it was just the opening shot in the next manipulation operation
/r/Divorce_Men10/02/24 07:50 PM
2

Therapy is usually out of my price range so I just had to deal with it on my own. I did go to a few appointments but it just wasn't something I could afford routinely. Drinking didn't really help tho I did drink a lot the first year. Reading was a good escape for me. It requires total concentration and if it's a good book it can take you out of your head for a few hours.
/r/Divorce_Men08/02/24 07:14 PM
9

I'd love to say I always held firm, and did the right thing and kept my honor intact but I'm human. Last summer she started shifting the way she spoke to me and acted more like the girl who stole my heart all those years ago. She scheduled a trip to come see me. Between her scheduling the trip and her arrival I noticed her tone changed. When she arrived she was as cold and distant as the worse days of our marriage. I sat there with her in a bar putting the pieces together. She must have had a sh…
/r/Divorce_Men06/02/24 03:55 PM
4

I wish her all the luck in the word in her conquests. It's better for us that our ex is happy especially when kids are involved. If your ex was alone, bitter and resentful, she'd have all day to study evil to dump on you.
/r/Divorce_Men05/02/24 08:05 PM
4

shit man...gonna hire you as my wingman...you can just smack me whenever I'm talking to the wrong one lol
/r/Divorce_Men02/02/24 05:31 PM
6

Very sorry to hear that but at least she spared you a long, slow, toxic goodbye. In time you may be thankful for that.
/r/Divorce_Men01/02/24 11:39 PM
4

I've passed thru that valley I'm happy to say. Now I reside in bemused indifference lol
/r/Divorce_Men01/02/24 10:05 PM
1

Bob Dylan - Positively 4th Street Bob Dylan - Idiot Wind Bob Dylan - Can't Wait
/r/Divorce_Men01/02/24 09:38 PM
2

another Aerosmith song could be "Falling in Love is so Hard on the Knees"
/r/Divorce_Men01/02/24 09:33 PM
9

The last 4 years of our marriage, I felt more like her parent than her partner. She was always starting fires (typically of the financial variety) that I would have to put out. She didn't contribute much money, no chores, she quit cooking, and there was nothing romantic about our relationship. 99% of the time she had a negative impact on my life but when the chips were down, crisis strikes, sickness, etc, there ain't nobody I'd rather have by my side. She'd be a rock and be pivotal in dealing wi…
/r/Divorce_Men01/02/24 08:05 PM
8

oof...that's a kick in the gut. I had something similar happen to me. My mother in law used to be offended if someone called her my mother in law and she would correct them and say "no I'm his other mother". I believed her but she learned about the affair way before I did and didn't challenge her daughter about it or tell me. I don't judge her too harshly, she is HER mother but the whole "blood is thicker than water" was on full display. Her mother has even pulled back from my son (her only gran…
/r/Divorce_Men31/01/24 04:39 PM
2

That's just too awful...very sorry to hear that brother...sending you all my best. I don't have any experience w/ that thankfully. Good job keeping keeping your head about this.
/r/Divorce_Men31/01/24 03:59 AM
18

I will confess I've grown cynical. I think women love you the way they love a new outfit or a song on the radio. Men, when they give their heart, it's more often for life. My ex among other things complained about unhappiness. I think happiness is as much a choice as it is a condition one finds themselves. If you look for a reason to be unhappy you will always find one. If you look for reasons to be happy, you can usually find one of those too. It's down to you to decide. I've been without femal…
/r/Divorce_Men31/01/24 12:21 AM
2

I don't consider myself an introvert, I get on with people quite well and don't mind being in large groups. But I was raised an only child, living in a rural area so I've always been accustomed to being alone. Consider whether you really need someone to talk to. I mean fellowship is great...like always...but I don't think it's a requirement. If you can arrest your destructive thought patterns (mind movies and shit like that) don't be afraid to set with yourself. I tried therapy after a year of r…
/r/Divorce_Men30/01/24 09:09 PM
2

You are quite young to be going thru this and that is a double edged sword. The good part is you are so young, you can make an entire new life and at the end of your days, this marriage will just be a footnote. The flip side of being so young, and I'm speaking generally here, I don't know you...is you probably haven't been kicked around as much in life as say a man in his 40s or 50s. (I'm 45). It's hard for me to meet someone new bc by the time ladies are my age, most are terrible damaged. But h…
/r/Divorce_Men30/01/24 09:03 PM
10

That's brutal. You can't help but search for answers, I get it. I will say, learning the answers never helps but sometimes it's necessary. I suspect there is another dude in the picture and that's why she changed so suddenly. Affair fog makes adults behave like selfish children. I could be wrong...but that's my first guess. Stick around here...lots of dudes have gone thru it all. You will survive this! First bit of advice, don't try to get her back. Even if you want her back...it would be counte…
/r/Divorce_Men30/01/24 06:34 PM
1

well if you do decide to reply, I'd make inquiring about your stuff the central point of the discussion
/r/Divorce_Men30/01/24 06:25 PM
3

this...don't want to get in some tit for tat War of the Roses (the movie not the actual war) bs. Tell your lawyer...do what they say to do.
/r/Divorce_Men30/01/24 06:16 PM
3

Did you get your stuff back? I'd call just to ask about that (i'm sure it is gone after 2 years tho).
/r/Divorce_Men30/01/24 06:08 PM
1

Any woman on the internet is going to get DMs. I just wouldn't concern yourself with that. Look at the whole of her actions and make your judgement from that. You don't want to get labeled as having "trust issues" or "being insecure". Personally, I'd avoid swinging and activities such as that. They can be exciting in the moment but they leave their traces behind and enough build up of that will weigh down a relationship in the long run. If you're going to engage in that, I'd do it with a gf not …
/r/Divorce_Men30/01/24 05:54 PM
12

Yep the one thing my ex will never forgive me for is understanding what she truly is. She is very pretty, guys like her, but I know who she is on the inside and I think she could murder me for it.
/r/Divorce_Men30/01/24 05:38 PM
3

We had different religions, not at the start, but it evolved that way over time. It seemed to cause issues but it was truly just the lack of respect we had for each other as individuals. Our relationship was a one night stand that lasted 20 years. We were over before we even married.
/r/Divorce_Men30/01/24 05:36 PM
7

I did do the dating apps but got discouraged by how forward some people are about their income requirements in a date. Like I make decent money but it's for me and my child not to bankroll a woman. I went on a couple first dates just to make myself do it. It was alright. Honestly the first date I sat there thinking "I wonder what my son is up to in Minecraft...I'd rather be with him" lol I'm 45 and even women my age seem to be shopping for a Prince Charming fantasy where they are going to meet a…
/r/Divorce_Men30/01/24 05:33 PM
1

If I were a judge I would be very concerned about moving a child who has special needs and seems to be doing well in their current environment. But she's his egg donor and sometimes judges put too much weight in that for a kid as young as your son. You'd think your son's mother would be concerned about that too.
/r/Divorce_Men29/01/24 10:51 PM
1

I'd recommend you go to your family or your friends. I'm living in a major US city w/ only one relative, my son. I agreed to move out here to be with her and she has now moved to the other coast to live with her AP. lol I truly truly believe I would have never stood for half the bs that I did, if my real friends and family were nearby. But isolated out here, I felt I had to try and make it work. When you move to be with a partner, you become very isolated and it's too easy for your partner to ma…
/r/Divorce_Men29/01/24 08:27 PM
1

wow
/r/Divorce_Men29/01/24 08:21 PM
10

Yeah I pretty much did everything. To her credit while our son was young enough to need her attention she was an all star mother. He was always cared for. Once he became independent and could take care of himself she got sucked into her phone one day and never returned. Now she has her own place which she keeps spotless. That annoys the heck out of me lol
/r/Divorce_Men29/01/24 04:41 PM
0

Favorite song of all time...eeesh that's a huge ask lol I mean if I had to pick one I guess Mozart's Violin Concerto No. 5 Honorable mentions: Gene Wilder singing "Pure Imagination" and Led Zeppelin's "For Your Life"
/r/Divorce_Men29/01/24 04:37 PM
5

a wise teenager is the best ally to have in a divorce. You don't have to influence them, they read the situation perfectly and they don't hold back on a parent like we will on a spouse. Cheers to your lovely daughter for doing that heavy lifting.
/r/Divorce_Men28/01/24 08:46 PM
2

If he can still get that twisted up over his ex, his head space probably isn't ready for a relationship.
/r/Divorce_Men28/01/24 08:38 PM
3

Seize the initiative and move towards divorce with action, not words. You will learn real quick is she's game playing or truly wanting out.
/r/Divorce_Men28/01/24 08:31 PM
7

Thankful my ex doesn't use social media. Also she has alienated everyone who's opinion I'd care about so she can't really slander me in any fashion that would matter
/r/Divorce_Men28/01/24 08:29 PM
2

Well I didn't conquer that part of myself in one day I will tell ya that. Once I saw the game and how she played it I learned how to avoid the landmines. That is reason #1 she started hating me. When she couldn't control my emotions anymore she found an easier target. What is crazy is how my son learned just by watching and figured her out long before I did. I watched him and took notes and she doesn't bother me anymore either. I'd always try to apply reason and think if I explained myself bette…
/r/Divorce_Men28/01/24 08:21 PM
3

I consider myself christian but i'm a bit non conventional and I certainly do not believe in the "prosperity gospel". I think we are always bound to suffer in this world so it is foolish for me to think I would be spared. My ex wife is not christian and I never ever tried to get her to be one. I figured I could endure her in this lifetime but I didn't want to risk encountering her in heaven lol
/r/Divorce_Men28/01/24 08:09 PM
8

I mean I realize my ex wife was cheating but I didn't think she was a bigamist...she must have been married to you too!!!
/r/Divorce_Men27/01/24 08:31 PM
4

Focus on being the best dad ever and putting your kids first emotionally (not financially that just gives a moment of appreciation and it quickly evaporates). Being present emotionally, you can't fake that. Soon your girls will wear down your wife and you will get them more and more. If she's a train wreck and you are solid, you will get them in the end. The courts won't do it though...you have to fight this battle in the trenches every day. Treat your kids like individuals and not extensions of…
/r/Divorce_Men26/01/24 05:54 PM
5

no but she used to send me nudes. When I found out she had moved away to be near another man whom she cheated on me with I threatened to send him all the nudes she sent and the text messages that showed her denying him and that we were still working on our marriage just separated. She got real agreeable real quick after that. The other dude made more money so she didn't want to lose her new meal ticket.
/r/Divorce_Men26/01/24 05:49 PM
8

From the time I discovered girls liked me (around 14 years old or so) I ALWAYS had a girlfriend and usually a hot one. It was immature of me to chase looks bc I really only chased heartache (I will never draft in the 1st round again...too much drama). My wife took off and I've purposely stayed single, no hookups or anything but a few awkward dates, for over 4 years. I need to learn to be alone bc I always made horrible choices to avoid being alone. My parents divorced when I was 20 and both were…
/r/Divorce_Men25/01/24 06:25 PM
5

oof...yes....indeed
/r/Divorce_Men25/01/24 12:03 AM
10

I think no fault divorce has gone so far that there are no effective limits on bad behavior in marriage. I think change has to come from within. When a woman I'm dating or talking to, confesses to any sort of infidelity with a past partner, she's struck off as an option. Everyone needs to hold the line on cheaters and if they did that, it might have an impact on behavior. Not getting married is the best strategy for the time being. Without a government sponsored permission slip to misbehave (mar…
/r/Divorce_Men24/01/24 06:15 PM
10

I was only without my son for 3 or 4 months before he wore down his mother and moved back home with me. The first few weeks I enjoyed the novelty of making dinner for him each day. He's been with me nonstop for 3 years now and I still love caring for him. I like to do things for others, to care for my family. It's so much more rewarding to put those efforts into my son than it was his mother who was very toxic
/r/Divorce_Men23/01/24 03:13 PM
5

Been there before. The second date I went on was with a girl I really thought I clicked with. Then she started acting off in communications. I caught myself making excuses for her in my head and freaked out. I slammed the door on dating. I realized I was willing to the exact same behaviors that allowed my wife to crash my world.
/r/Divorce_Men22/01/24 08:57 PM
6

I didn't have much of one but no there was no cheating. I've been to several bachelor parties and I've never witnessed any of my friends cheat during one.
/r/Divorce_Men22/01/24 07:51 PM
14

I found evidence, she'd confess to what I found and then keep lying. After the decision to leave was made, I stopped confronting her after that. Confronting her always hurt me way more than it did her. Hell I think she enjoyed seeing me angry. I realized I had to stop letting that vampire feed on me. All things associated with affairs suck including confrontations/confessions. You, as a non affair person, think that you would want to confess if you wronged your spouse in such a manner....their b…
/r/Divorce_Men22/01/24 05:57 AM
9

Ouch, sounds like your family is going thru hell right now and you're the epicenter of it. I was on the other side of this scenario so I take a dim view of infidelity but I'm not judging you. It sounds like your marriage was toxic as hell and toxic situations breed more toxic behavior. I'm glad you are self aware enough to know you're gonna be the villain in this situation bc cheating trumps everything save maybe abuse. But you cheating doesn't negate her mistreatment of you. I hope things get b…
/r/Divorce_Men21/01/24 04:48 AM
9

She should be speaking to your attorney about this and not you.
/r/Divorce_Men19/01/24 07:28 PM
24

If my son ever tells me he's going to marry I'm gonna kick him in the nuts...wow
/r/Divorce_Men19/01/24 07:13 PM
6

the drama is over, the hard part begins, parenting. A lot lose interest once the thrill of the drama is past. I didn't have a large fight to get my son thankfully but the moment he expressed interest in living with me....the mother basically neglected him. Now they don't speak
/r/Divorce_Men19/01/24 01:31 AM
8

I went a few rounds of discovering cheating/false reconciliation rinse/repeat. I've got getting over that pain down to an almost science. Six months to breathe again...a year to not fear dreaming again.... 18 months until you go days without even remembering. I'm four years past our separation, got full custody of my son (entirely his choice) and me and him and two happy bros kicking it together every day. Living my best life and there's not a woman in sight.
/r/Divorce_Men18/01/24 10:49 PM
4

mine took mine without filing and set up house on the opposite coast. Since we weren't divorcing at the time I couldn't stop her from doing it. I used xbox live to stay connected to my son. A few months of spending all my free time playing xbox games with my boy, he begged to come home and she finally allowed it. I was terrified she'd file while living out there and I'm so glad she didn't.
/r/Divorce_Men18/01/24 04:40 AM
5

I don't like it but she took my name before we got married. Because of her past life trauma and a situation with her father she qualified for a free name change when she got a life time protection order against him. She came home from work one day and showed me she took my name. I was like "oh shit" lol I have one of the most common last names so it's not obvious that she is connected to me. That's what I tell myself to not feel sore about it
/r/Divorce_Men18/01/24 04:35 AM
1

Gosh if the divorce settlement did that to you I'm scared to inquire about the horse you rode in on lolol
/r/Divorce_Men18/01/24 12:23 AM
5

Did you cheat or does your daughter think you cheated? Usually all that selfish actions talk is shorthand for you cheated on the other parent.
/r/Divorce_Men18/01/24 12:21 AM
-4

If nobody has cheated or been violent, I'd try and make it work. Your business will be small fries compared to losing daily access to your kid(s). I'm much happier now that I am past my wife but she cheated and was violent, I had no choice. Divorce creates more problems that it solves...don't fool yourself thinking life will suddenly be great once you do it. However, if your daily life is intolerable, do what you must but go into it with your eyes fully open about the reality of splitting custod…
/r/Divorce_Men17/01/24 11:45 PM
15

You and I aren't anywhere close to the same tax bracket so I'm having trouble relating to those numbers but there ain't no way I'd agree to pay a penny after 5 years max. You shouldn't be responsible for the rest of her life just the transition of her life. 5 years is more than enough time for an adult to take care of themselves. I'd get a better lawyer if I were you...preferably a female lawyer
/r/Divorce_Men17/01/24 11:40 PM
14

oh yes...i'm not sure what the current version of the truth is anymore but something like "i was in a bad place and had to do bad things to break free of a bad relationship". I haven't received the 2024 Reason for Our Divorce Style Guide yet so it may have changed since last publication.
/r/Divorce_Men17/01/24 05:53 PM
2

Think you're miserable now, wait til your affair is discovered (they almost always are). You aren't just giving up your wife, the kids will pull away from you too when the truth is revealed. Best bet, cut ALL contact with your new person of interest and try and fix your marriage. If that is impossible get a divorce but a clean one. Divorcing with another person in the mix is messy. Also the divorce will cause an impact on your money and your time and these changes might not be as compatible with…
/r/Divorce_Men16/01/24 09:42 PM
3

Wow! these stories are wild. My ex was hell on wheels and disrupted my life completely but all in all I feel I was a bit lucky. Though, if I'm perfectly honest, she and I, in our marriage, liked to live outside the law in our recreational activities. I think we would cross each other in most ways but not when it comes to the cops. We have too much dirt on each other I guess hahahaha
/r/Divorce_Men16/01/24 08:48 PM
16

mine ran off with my son to be with her affair partner...it was almost quaint how stereotypical it was. My son was 13 though and putting the pieces together for himself. I started gaming with him via xbox and we'd spend all day in voice chat gaming. I never spoke about his mother just whatever game we were playing. He soon demanded to come home and has been with me ever since. Your son is the only battle left for you to fight. She didn't change, the change was her acting like a decent wife. She …
/r/Divorce_Men16/01/24 04:59 PM
2

I've done both, was kind of a waste of money. I'm fairly self aware, not perfectly but I know my own mind. In IC it was determined I was not depressed, I was just sad at the current state of my life. I didn't need to pay money to learn that. Couples counseling was a shitshow tho. She surprised me with it. We both saw the same therapist and one day she asked me pick her up. I was invited in and ambushed with couples therapy I didn't agree to. I was a good sport though. The next individual therapy…
/r/Divorce_Men16/01/24 04:49 PM
3

I started a media library on a home server and watch all the foreign and indie films I used to have to bargain to get her to watch. I also am teaching myself to cook. I always thought that was her domain but now that I've started I realized she never applied herself to the art of cooking. I've improved all our family recipes and my son says he very much prefers my cooking. I sometimes go out to the club...I used to DJ (gave that up for her) and dip my toe into the scene. I meet girls and when I …
/r/Divorce_Men16/01/24 04:44 AM
8

My mom left my dad over alcohol. He got sober to try and win her back. When he was sober he became a great father...a cool dude. I was thankful to know him and I helped him get back on his feet. When he realized mom was gone, he met a woman who didn't mind how much he drank. He's back to his old ways and we have a relationship but he's a huge disappointment. Don't let her be the reason for doing better...do it for your kids. I wish my father had done so.
/r/Divorce_Men15/01/24 12:58 AM
12

I used to battle with those feelings but thankfully my ex is so nasty and emotionally draining, a brief talk about our son is enough to make me praise the Lord that I'm no longer with her.
/r/Divorce_Men10/01/24 08:27 PM
2

Not that you should save this marriage but if you want to the only option is to pretend you simply don't care. Go dark. Don't give her emotional supply...that will show her that she still has you. File immediately and it may snap her back to reality. You should just divorce her but walking away is the only power men have. If we try to play games, it just gives them more of what they want.
/r/Divorce_Men08/01/24 07:41 PM
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