Sadness

isocluster · 2024-03-02T15:35:07+00:00

yes the sadness does eventually go away. For me the sadness going away was caused by: 1) bonding with my son by the actions of my ex/his mom - she really hurt us both. 2) having a small set of good friends who were there when needed, 3) putting energy into other things, mostly rock climbing, music and my career, and not least 4) getting on a dating site and being open to finding someone who I can relate to and being a companion to. People are out there and they would love to take your sadness away if you're open to offering the same for them.

SyllabubSure5715 · 2024-03-01T21:40:42+00:00

You hear about divorces as a kid and you think wow, that sucks. That’s sad. You have no clue what divorce is all about. When you think about the epidemic of deaths of despair. You think about losing all your hopes and dreams you had with a woman. And if it’s that long, or with kids, it’s just brutal. There’s no way around it. Women get over divorce the next day. Men almost die from it. Many do.

Commercial-Rub-3223 · 2024-03-01T04:41:01+00:00

Maybe the divorce is gods punishment for your sins. Or maybe he just wants you with godly woman. Your ex seems to be worldly

DivorceCharacter512 · 2024-02-29T18:35:31+00:00

To quote a friend I once asked a similar question of - you just need somebody who's company you enjoy on a personal level to play with your penis 15-60 times.

Unless there are extenuating circumstances like kids, family pressure, or being financially and/or geographically tethered due to the divorce - it really is that simple. Loss is best healed with healthy replacement.

Fluffy-Concentrate76 · 2024-02-29T04:50:36+00:00

It does. But for me it took a while. You can do this. Be strong

pward_Ant9936 · 2024-02-29T02:57:32+00:00

It does. I was married 24 years, and losing the family dynamic was devastating. Then I looked at it again, annnnd that's the only reason I was still there. I wanted to live with my kids full time. When the divorce starts and you start hearing the stuff that gets said about you, the feelings of longing will disappear. I remember getting nostalgic heading into what should have been a simple hearing. After her attorney was done dragging me through the mud, allllll that nostalgia was just a bad nightmare. I had thought court would be more "here's my position" "here's your position" what does the law say. Actually the amount of lying and misrepresentation that goes on is unbelievable.

saygrace2 · 2024-02-29T01:08:15+00:00

I’m 33. Been separated and living separately (neither of us have filed) for just over a year and a half. We were together for 10 years, married for 3 and the pain still hurts. Not so much as me wanting to be with her but I miss the family dynamic we had and in hindsight I truly believe we could’ve worked past our issues

lackoffinance · 2024-02-29T00:43:13+00:00

I’m sure all the thoughts in your head are convoluted and things are confusing. Just know, this right now what you’re feeling, it is not the feeling or position you’ll be in the rest of your life. Things will get better. Give yourself some grace and allow yourself to feel what you feel. Also know, you deserve to be happy, loved, valued, and wanted.

alexmixer · 2024-02-29T00:27:35+00:00

Go out and get some azz man it helps

DragonEdge89 · 2024-02-28T23:50:17+00:00

I was married 14 years I've been separated now for almost a year it does get better just grieve your own way, trust me it gets better I wish you the best

Educational-Ruin2382 · 2024-02-28T20:55:46+00:00

You are grieving your marriage. What you're feeling is natural and like most grief, you will outgrow it.

Academic_Mistake_751 · 2024-02-28T20:20:59+00:00

Of course especially if you find a hot young girlfriend like I did that helps a whole lot!

gorillavstiger · 2024-02-28T19:40:47+00:00

I may be the odd duck here but I didn't have any long-term sadness regarding my relationship with my ex-wife - she was like living with an empty human being - but definitely a lot of sadness regarding not being with my kids all the time.

Thankfully I have 50/50 custody of them, no not being with them is the hardest part of my life right now and that will always be the case.

Just something I have to adapt to and make sure I enjoy all my time with them. Life goes on, just has a different tune to it now

HoyAIAG · 2024-02-28T19:21:07+00:00

We are having a separation discussion at counseling today. I am on an emotional roller coaster. Life is going to be a new normal from now on.

roshi-roshi · 2024-02-28T19:02:02+00:00

I’m 3 weeks in since wife asked for separation. The first few weeks I was in crisis mode. This week I’m just exhausted and sad too. I’m so worried about my teen son and how this is affecting him.

DCnative2020 · 2024-02-28T18:50:57+00:00

like many said on here. it is NOT linear. the sadness fades but never goes away.

rhett342 · 2024-02-28T18:49:45+00:00

It goes away, then it comes back, then it goes away again. It keeps doing this but the sad times last shorter and shorter periods of time while also coming less and less. It's only been about 18 months for me but I know that I feel sad less and less and time goes on.

Also, don't surprised if sadness gets replaced with anger as you go on. I know it did for me. I may not like being angry but I at least view it as progress because she's not up on that pedestal that I put her on anymore.

rhett342 · 2024-02-28T18:49:36+00:00

It goes away, then it comes back, then it goes away again. It keeps doing this but the sad times last shorter and shorter periods of time while also coming less and less. It's only been about 18 months for me but I know that I feel sad less and less and time goes on.

Also, don't surprised if sadness gets replaced with anger as you go on. I know it did for me. I may not like being angry but I at least view it as progress because she's not up on that pedestal that I put her on anymore.

EnvironmentalAd3558 · 2024-02-28T18:10:39+00:00

I think it is normal for you to feel that way when you had a walk away wife. But deep down there probably is a grateful feeling that she did leave because it gives you a chance to gain control over your life and build a better future. Nevertheless, it will take time for you to work through these conflicting thoughts.

MonarchistExtreme · 2024-02-28T17:45:30+00:00

For me it took 6 months to breathe and a year to go to sleep at night without fear of the dreams. 18 months I slipped into a new routine. It gets better just takes time...don't be too hard on yourself

Heavy_Guitar_4848 · 2024-02-28T17:26:00+00:00

I’m about 2 months in, ran on adrenaline and anger for most of the time then the sadness kicked in last week. Trying to just ride it out because I know it’s part of the process.

New-Amoeba9042 · 2024-02-28T16:14:57+00:00

Sorta. It doesn’t really heal, but scars. It still aches, and probably always will, but you’ll survive

FunnyQuirky3177 · 2024-02-28T16:10:18+00:00

Yes

I’m the same age and was with my ex the same amount of time. Time is your friend, and you can’t rush it. Start going to the gym and meeting other women

captainchippsixx · 2024-02-28T16:07:07+00:00

Most women leave when they have another guy(or woman) they are seeing before divorce man. Many guys don’t see it and want to say I don’t think she cheated when reality is like 90% it’s in some form texting, emotional and physical.

So take her off the pedestal she was never to be on. Be sad, be mad, whatever. But work out! This helps tremendously your mental health. You’re in your earning prime and lots of life to go. She on the other hand is not.

DivorceRecoveryMen · 2024-02-28T16:07:02+00:00

The sadness does eventually go away. It leads into your accepting the fact she is gone and you need to move on with your life. Letting go of the sadness slowly is a sign of you realizing your new reality is not so bad. It's gonna hurt for a while but that leads to a sense of relief as you move on with your life. Take baby steps. One day at a time. Accept the small wins over time that eventually turn in to medium and large wins. It's a marathon not a sprint.

RichardCleveland · 2024-02-28T16:06:11+00:00

Time, therapy and personal reflection. Also try to take care of yourself in general, and stay busy. BBQ's with friends, pick up new hobbies, go on walks, start camping (if you don't). Anything really, you simply don't want to sit idle all of the time thinking about the once was.

Fwooply · 2024-02-28T15:33:13+00:00

Time heals all. And pretty much like physical wounds, even if it doesn't heal, it scars over and becomes less painful.

There were stages for me. Wild emotional swings for me. Empathy for the kids. Panic for the finances. There were a lot of ups and downs.

3 years since separation and acceptance is mostly there.

I get hit with anger every once in a while. The latest ... She bought three new cars using retirement funds and equity. One went to her boyfriend. One is a Jeep (WTF). She bought it because she needs something to get through flood waters. We live in a desert and it floods once every 10 years. She hasn't paid a dime towards our kids' education. And I have to cheerlead her like she's a good mom for the sake of my kids sanity.

cactuscharlie · 2024-02-28T15:22:29+00:00

It seems impossible, but it does go away. Hang in there!

Left-Signature-5250 · 2024-02-28T14:46:40+00:00

Just make way for anger. This too shall pass.

f-ranke · 2024-02-28T14:33:02+00:00

It goes away! Can take some time but it will! Make sure you are active by your own and with friends and family and don’t fall into depression!

Title	Sadness
Author	JimSevere0271
Upvotes	31
Comments	42
Date	February 28, 2024 2:03 PM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1b26spj/sadness/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/sadness.1246677 https://theredarchive.com/post/1246677

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