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pikohina Archive

View 9 posts and 287 comments by pikohina on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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3

If he does that, he’ll tip his hand…her associates will for sure tell her that he knows.
/r/Divorce_Men03/05/26 04:57 AM
5

Be cool, man…as everyone is saying do NOT let her know you know! No drinking, no yelling, no begging, no asking her anything. Hard ice.
/r/Divorce_Men03/05/26 04:49 AM
6

Brother. Some of us went into marriage thinking it would last forever.
/r/Divorce_Men12/04/26 11:29 PM
1

Maybe you can find a lawyer who’ll accept hourly consults to help you succeed with pro se.
/r/Divorce_Men28/03/26 06:14 PM
1

Awesome dude! Don’t get married again.
/r/Divorce_Men28/03/26 12:42 AM
1

Put a bird feeder up (squirrel-proof). It’ll 10x your morning.
/r/Divorce_Men22/03/26 01:41 PM
3

*and had kids with her after the fact. At least this guy is asking for outside perspective now. And yeah, no confrontation. Ignore, divorce, and restart life with better judgement.
/r/Divorce_Men14/03/26 05:50 PM
2

All the best to you. Be sure to read all the “once a cheater always a cheater” posts to keep your head aligned with reality.
/r/Divorce_Men13/03/26 11:54 PM
3

Hell yeah brother! I wouldn’t care at this point either if another guy hit on me. Whatever works!
/r/Divorce_Men08/03/26 04:15 AM
3

It doesn’t matter. Get a lawyer.
/r/Divorce_Men07/03/26 09:18 PM
1

Bot says what?
/r/Divorce_Men06/03/26 11:50 PM
5

Reaching out just to say you are heard, man. Paddle hard through these rough waters.
/r/Divorce_Men06/03/26 11:42 PM
2

Before you go this route, get all of your things in order. Talk to a lawyer asap. Don’t say the word until you’re absolutely grounded with legal support. There is no immediate rush. Once she knows your intentions, she will turn 180 on you. Prepare before proceeding.
/r/Divorce_Men02/03/26 11:31 PM
3

She can get a job, she is employable as long as no disability. During a divorce, her well-being is not your concern, your well-being is. That doesn’t mean you’re an asshole through the process. Adults have to adult to survive.
/r/Divorce_Men01/03/26 09:54 PM
3

Alternative idea: write it and post anonymously on reddit. You want someone to know how much you hurt and you may get needed feedback. Obviously, don’t send it to her.
/r/Divorce_Men12/02/26 09:50 PM
3

I think this is pretty common reaction for lots of us. It’s mentally and physically consuming but a new normalcy eventually returns. Gym, therapy, friends, focus on self-improvement helped. Having my attorney highlight the path ahead helped alleviate the unknown (though usually no less stressful). Cooking my own meals once I got my appetite back was satisfying.
/r/Divorce_Men07/02/26 05:12 PM
5

Many of us were blindsided. It’s painful and will consume your thoughts going forward. Know now that everything will work out for the better, it’s just going to take time. Keep reading posts in here, for me it was very theraputic (sp?). Important rules for you starting now: no drinking/drugs, limit conversation with her and even grey rock, speak to attorney asap, reach out to therapist as needed if no one else you can trust. Release your emotions with him, not your stbx. GL
/r/Divorce_Men07/02/26 12:26 AM
1

Don’t muddy the waters further. There’s zero benefit to you and will probably make things worse. Zero contact until divorce papers signed.
/r/Divorce_Men26/01/26 11:09 PM
1

An attorney will help you with logistics. Talk to a few tomorrow and get this ship sailing before emotions fog your path. Sorry you’re going through this, but know that at your age and with no kids you are in the best position possible to accelerate the next phase of your life.
/r/Divorce_Men26/01/26 11:06 PM
1

The court said to my ex-sahm if she’s not disabled then she’s able to work. She’s fully abled and is now back at work. Talk to an attorney.
/r/Divorce_Men20/01/26 04:04 AM
2

Talk to an attorney about imputing her income.
/r/Divorce_Men19/01/26 05:55 PM
4

The most common advice you’re going to get is to secure counsel now and file first. Secure your own finances. Be civil, don’t drink, don’t communicate further. She’s probably hesitating bc she’s realizing how much alimony she’ll have to pay you. Take the alimony, it’s not a time to play hero. Your lawyer will help you prepare for what’s about to happen. Get a lawyer now, time to be active not passive.
/r/Divorce_Men22/12/25 10:12 PM
14

Brush it off, brother. What’s done is done and it no longer concerns you. Live your best life.
/r/Divorce_Men22/12/25 02:50 AM
7

My ex apologized only after I called her out, and she patronizingly did it every fucking time. Not one sincere apology in 20 years. What a waste of time.
/r/Divorce_Men18/12/25 12:29 AM
4

Same here! Two times even. Both therapists told me “good luck with her”. As soon as they mentioned accountability on her part she was gone.
/r/Divorce_Men18/12/25 12:24 AM
1

How long did it take for them to get through to your ex?
/r/Divorce_Men16/12/25 10:42 PM
1

Do they just spend a day with her? If so that’s 10hrs of driving, once per month, for how many more years? She can get a license for the kids just as well as you can sacrifice that huge amount of time. At the very least she can Uber halfway.
/r/Divorce_Men02/12/25 09:52 PM
5

Nah, it’s going to be good, no matter what happens.
/r/Divorce_Men07/09/25 04:48 AM
3

Had this dude just sucked it up, called in sick to watch the kids, he could have easily won 50% custody due to her negligence. Instead…
/r/Divorce_Men24/07/25 05:25 PM
2

Hey bud, hang in there. It might not get easier but your sacrifice to your boys is to survive through this nightmare…whether they’re aware or not. Post here in a few days with an update.
/r/Divorce_Men02/06/25 04:19 PM
7

Look thru reflog’s comms and posts. He’s an encyclopedia of advice.
/r/Divorce_Men18/05/25 06:54 PM
3

File first…you set the pace. Lots of good advice in this sub. Don’t leave house, go grey rock with her, don’t lose your cool, don’t drink/drugs, work out, see a therapist. Above all, take all your important (non-trivial only) questions to your lawyer asap.
/r/Divorce_Men18/04/25 01:48 PM
4

If this is real, file asap and get out of this toxic situation for your own and kids benefit. She’s gone. Once you accept that and start taking care of yourself everything will begin to improve.
/r/Divorce_Men18/04/25 12:48 PM
5

Way to go, man. My stbx tried getting more alimony-pd out of me. Felt so good when the judge told her to pound sand.
/r/Divorce_Men12/04/25 07:08 PM
28

Sheesh, let the guys enjoy his drink at least.
/r/Divorce_Men07/04/25 09:55 PM
2

You mean you guys disagree on having kids and still got married?
/r/Divorce_Men07/04/25 09:46 PM
5

It doesn’t matter how my freedom impacts her, not worth dwelling on. Once papers are signed we’ll have agreed on all assests. Then it’s just a matter of selling house and moving forward with life. Fwiw it’s worth, this can only work if both parties can keep the toxicity out of it. We’re not trying to be friends, just avoiding hostility while our kid finishes school (this yr).
/r/Divorce_Men30/03/25 09:59 PM
3

Yes, been over a year now and we’re like roommates that don’t engage. Pretty simple for us since this is how it’s mostly been for the last 6 years. In fact, life is so much less stressful now, no more eggshells to walk on. I will be happier once papers are signed, though.
/r/Divorce_Men30/03/25 04:15 PM
-2

Yep, taking glee in someone else’s misery is absurd.
/r/Divorce_Men19/03/25 04:13 AM
1

You’ll get there. It’s a freeing experience when you realize it.
/r/Divorce_Men16/03/25 02:17 AM
6

I hire my lawyer at an hourly-rate on a need-only basis. I used her for a couple of consults, review discovery before submission, representation during APL hearing. She guides me, I do the heavy lifting. This might not be the case if I had young kids, though.
/r/Divorce_Men15/03/25 04:49 AM
1

Honestly, if she’s contesting, then she’d be dumb af if she doesn’t request discovery. This is business, we’re all in it for the best deal, both sides. So, if I’m you, I’m seeking a lawyer’s advice with making sure all my shit is in order.
/r/Divorce_Men14/03/25 01:42 AM
9

Maybe 40+yo women expect you to edit and use spellcorrect?
/r/Divorce_Men12/03/25 05:14 PM
5

Did she have a comparable salary & retirement plan to you? I’m happy for you, but this isn’t a reasonable outcome for my situation.
/r/Divorce_Men11/03/25 07:39 PM
1

Not OP, but yes, you will have access to everything that you request of her and she you. Fwiw any deviation from requests could put you in a bad position, legally or morally doesn’t matter, with the court. Whether or not a lawyer pushes to identify cash recipients is another question. If your state is no-fault then it doesn’t matter (I’m NAL); if it is at-fault then <shrug>. Your lawyer should have the best answer and advice for you.
/r/Divorce_Men02/03/25 10:48 PM
10

As a child of divorced parents it was intereting to see those pics but it didn’t matter to me. That life no longer existed. However, if your kids are in the pics, print them and save for them. Any new partner that has a problem with that is a problem herself.
/r/Divorce_Men02/03/25 04:13 PM
1

Yeah, read the book, partner. (Or listen to the audio)
/r/Divorce_Men25/02/25 04:37 AM
5

Got served last Valentine’s. Went skiing alone. Had a blast.
/r/Divorce_Men15/02/25 02:31 PM
3

Fwiw I still talk to my stepbro all these decades later after the parents split. I agree with OP, but good things come out of bad.
/r/Divorce_Men02/02/25 04:42 AM
2

Get audible then.
/r/Divorce_Men29/01/25 02:46 AM
6

11 months into it here and smooth sailing. We sleep separately, food separate, money separate, lives separate, but we are amicable at home with teen kids. Everyone is in status quo, no hatred (lucky for me), kids doing well. There’s been several bumps along the road, but much easier since I don’t have to walk on eggshells to save the marriage. Living with an idgaf attitude helps. Just remember to be on your best behavior as far as no losing temper, cut out drinking/drugs, even zero communication…
/r/Divorce_Men08/01/25 05:53 AM
2

Wrong chat.
/r/Divorce_Men08/01/25 05:43 AM
1

Is she working? If not, did the judge impute her impute her income?
/r/Divorce_Men12/11/24 09:34 PM
5

Her lawyer should be emailing and sending the docs through postal. I wouldn’t sign any emailed docs.
/r/Divorce_Men19/10/24 01:58 PM
1

Reverse uno her. Move back into original home. When she complains, tell her she can move out on her own quid.
/r/Divorce_Men17/10/24 12:16 AM
1

It doesn’t matter that she’s not working if she’s capable. The judge will impute her income and alimony will be decided as such. Did your lawyer not bring this up?
/r/Divorce_Men15/10/24 03:13 AM
1

Thx I’ll hit you up in a day or two.
/r/Divorce_Men06/10/24 12:07 AM
1

Small guy here whose gains are slow, 5’ 10” (155lbs). Workout regularly. How do I increase body weight and muscle mass? Do you have a favorite nutrition plan?
/r/Divorce_Men05/10/24 06:50 PM
1

It’s commitment over motivation. You have to develop and stay true to the routine. Results will be your motivation to continue with your commitment. A good workout plan till help. You eat dinner and brush your teeth everyday. Add gym to the list.
/r/Divorce_Men05/10/24 06:48 PM
3

As others have said there’s usually a limit to how much they can ask. When you and your lawyer figure that part out, copy all those questions verbatim and send them to her lawyer per your own discovery request. Copy machine, don’t waste time typing them. It’s the old ‘Philly lawyer’ technique. Edit: use whiteout on her name, etc. write appropriate dates, names, etc. make it as easy as possible for you.
/r/Divorce_Men03/10/24 09:50 PM
7

Sorry, man. Don’t fight it, give her what she wants. Her mind is made up and you will not change it. That said, look at the bright side. She will owe you alimony depending on your length of marriage. Enjoy and don’t hold back bc you ‘want to do what’s best for her.’ Seek counsel immediately. You now need to look out for your best interests.
/r/Divorce_Men01/10/24 06:20 PM
11

Get yourself a massage brother!
/r/Divorce_Men27/09/24 07:05 PM
3

Blindsided, too. Work out, read good books, don’t drink, don’t argue, watch divorce for men videos on yt, consult lawyer (no need to pay retainer just yet, pay hourly for help like I do), and as everyone says...do not move out. One day at a time brother.
/r/Divorce_Men25/09/24 07:30 PM
1

Does she know it’s coming? If not, maybe a heads up could tamper the fire. My wife sent me a txt hours before I was to be served. It sucked but I appreciate that she did that at the least.
/r/Divorce_Men23/09/24 07:25 PM
1

She wants you out of the house bc she knows you’re less likely to get custody if you do. Man, you really need to consult a lawyer.
/r/Divorce_Men22/09/24 06:42 PM
8

First of all, it’s not her retirement, it’s both of yours. If you guys retired together, she wasn’t going to share it with you? LOL. Lots of us owe our stbx’s part of our retirement bc it’s a shared asset plain and simple. Your wife is delusional. She will not win that argument in court. This is your leverage in negotiations. You can swap part of that for say less alimony, house $, custody, etc. Secondly, you can’t afford to not have a lawyer with her behaving like this from the start. Look for …
/r/Divorce_Men22/09/24 06:38 PM
2

Lawyer will help get her income imputed if she’s capable of working. Start by playing with your state’s spousal/CS online calculators to give yourself an idea of what to expect.
/r/Divorce_Men22/09/24 06:27 PM
2

You can check online spousal support calculators for your state. Unless she has a documented physical/mental disability, her income needs to be imputed at her qualification lvl. Start with the state minimum wage. As others have said, talk with a lawyer.
/r/Divorce_Men21/09/24 01:22 PM
7

I read some of your history OP. Sounds like a tough year. Life will get better, your very young still and time left is one of the most envied commodities on this board. Time to face the hard truth: your wife is done. You can not change her mind and trying to do so will make things worse. We’ve all had to turn our minds around to accepting what she wants. Give it to her gracefully. Put your big boy pants on, no drinking, no arguing, no laziness. Hit the gym regularly (one of the best healing proc…
/r/Divorce_Men21/09/24 01:19 AM
2

Yes
/r/Divorce_Men20/09/24 07:07 AM
5

Get your own lawyer and file asap. If you guys couldn’t make it after a year, count your blessings that you realized this so soon. You have your whole life in front of you.
/r/Divorce_Men19/09/24 10:26 PM
2

Congrats. Gym, hobbies, good books...the usual advice. Become the better you for you, not anyine else.
/r/Divorce_Men19/09/24 04:02 PM
8

Realizing she’s off my budget for good (sans alimony). My biggest stress in life was seeing we had $0 left each month after paying bills. Her financial aloofness brought me so much pain. Now I smile each time I realize how much I save each month.
/r/Divorce_Men19/09/24 04:00 PM
2

Pension rep can help with the division. Usually it’s determined by timing of separation. A lawyer will be well worth the money just to make sure everything is done properly. If you guys were completely amicable then you can hire a lawyer to mediate. Either way, have a lawyer.
/r/Divorce_Men19/09/24 11:52 AM
2

She’s invested 19years in that house. Why should you get any of it??? In marriage, every asset accumulated is communal. Her pension was gained during the marriage therefore, yes, part of it is yours. I’m facing that truth from the other side. It hurts but that’s the law and in the big picture, it’s fair. Lol only us guys have a hard time accepting what is ours. You need that money for your future. Your attitude is stuck in the now (hence your own lack of savings?). Trading your portion of the pe…
/r/Divorce_Men19/09/24 02:32 AM
1

I was thinking of melting our rings together and forge a new one for kid. What would you think if they did that to yours? Less of an emotional impact/healing?
/r/Divorce_Men18/09/24 09:24 PM
5

Lol you’ve got your whole life in front of you at 31. Imagine doing this at 53. Most of us olds envy how early you’re getting started.
/r/Divorce_Men16/09/24 05:50 PM
7

He specifically said he doesn’t want to get back with her. No more coffee dates.
/r/Divorce_Men07/09/24 07:37 PM
3

Hey man, hang in there. Many of us here had the same thoughts. Just reaching out to you to lend support. You are currently in the worst part, it will get better.
/r/Divorce_Men05/09/24 11:38 PM
1

We split the time between the master bedroom and the couch on a 4-4-3-3 day schedule. It’s fair and works well.
/r/Divorce_Men19/07/24 12:26 AM
2

Like most good men, you’re a problem solver. Don’t beat yourself up too much over speed bumps. Second jobs help mentally. But so could volunteering or joining local men’s groups, etc. All the best to you.
/r/Divorce_Men16/06/24 02:57 AM
2

“My healing journey” lmao gtfo
/r/Divorce_Men12/06/24 04:14 AM
7

You had me until you said your age 🤣. Not to downplay your situation, it sucks...but I’m so fking envious of where you’re at. 30s??? You’re in your prime and have #many years left to evolve into the life you choose. No cliches will help you until you realize you really just have to find something productive and enjoyable to do with yourself. God, what I wouldn’t give to be your age again while single.
/r/Divorce_Men10/06/24 06:48 PM
9

Lawyer. Gym. Therapy. Read this sub often, see how all of us are going/have gone through this and survived. Watch yt videos about divorce for men. You’ll make it brother. Clean out old clothes. Clean garage. Stop drinking. Don’t do anything impulsive with your finances. Don’t talk to her. Lawyer. Sorry this is happening to you. My first few weeks my mind was rattled, too, but slowly everything started working out. I’m in the best shape of my life. I’ve made deeper connections with family members…
/r/Divorce_Men08/06/24 01:24 AM
2

Financial infidelity? If what you wrote is true, then there’s no financial wrongdoing. You were taking care of your family. Maybe not smart with money, but your intent seems justifiable. Leave that guilt behind you.
/r/Divorce_Men06/06/24 12:08 PM
3

I feel like we’ve seen this post in here before. Troll account? She cheated 3 times and you stayed. Ok
/r/Divorce_Men06/06/24 04:39 AM
7

Sorry for your loss. But remember that your kids are your legacy, not that box of wood. Enjoy your next chapter.
/r/Divorce_Men02/06/24 12:59 AM
2

$300 to speak with an attorney for an hour is well worth it. They can start you in the right direction to start pro bono while you save for a retainer. Your marriage is short, this should be a straight forward split. Hoping for the best for you. GL. Also, stop letting your dick lead the way.
/r/Divorce_Men31/05/24 01:30 AM
1

I’ve been doing this from day 1, giving her the budgeted weekly family food and essentials money. Do the courts use this number to establish a status quo? She’s a sahm fwiw.
/r/Divorce_Men26/05/24 11:10 PM
1

Some states have spousal support calculators. Your lawyer should make you aware of what to expect.
/r/Divorce_Men26/05/24 02:34 PM
2

This OP. So many of us, in retrospect, would have preferred to file first. Do it this week. Read thise books, start working out, talk to therapist to debrief your failed marriage. In the end, if you still live each other you can date again. But I suspect you’ll be ready to move on easily by then. One foot in front of the other OP. Things will get better.
/r/Divorce_Men26/05/24 02:21 PM
5

My man, no one deserves to be abused like this. Imagine what would happen if you did the hitting. You do not have to put up with this shit.
/r/Divorce_Men11/05/24 03:12 AM
5

I did a few things: found good books to read, listened to every divorce for men podcast while working out/cleaning, walked, cleaned closets and drawers, debrief marriage with counselor, work on my truck, workout and walk some more. Read the divorce books rec’d in here, stop drinking, don’t express anger with her, in fact don’t talk to her, hire lawyer. Good luck. Things will slowly seem better, just got to get over the hump.
/r/Divorce_Men09/05/24 12:55 AM
1

Looks like you interpreted her msg incorrectly. Took me a second time to understand it. Doesn’t read as cheating.
/r/Divorce_Men08/05/24 06:44 PM
1

How about your alimony?
/r/Divorce_Men30/04/24 01:59 AM
3

She’s been withholding sex from you. In many circles, that’s considered emotional abuse in a marriage. You’re just trying to fulfill a natural need. It may not have been with the best morals, but so what...you have needs. Get your shit together. It doesn’t sound like you cheated, but if she wants to play it that way than there’s much more to this story. If you do decide to divorce, get it in your head right now...YOU DO NOT CONCEDE WHATEVER SHE WANTS.
/r/Divorce_Men29/04/24 03:52 AM
1

Late addition to one marriage benefit for men: Doubled standard tax deduction
/r/Divorce_Men28/04/24 11:16 PM
1

“I still love the woman so much.” Do you? Or do you love the ideal that you wanted your marriage to be? Maybe it’s the current “comfortable” state of things that you don’t want to lose. Or maybe you really love her. I recommend getting into therapy to help you debrief your failed marriage. Lots of lessons to learn and truths to discover.
/r/Divorce_Men28/04/24 11:13 PM
3

That’s funny. Lighthearted comic relief.
/r/Divorce_Men28/04/24 06:32 PM
1

Why?
/r/Divorce_Men26/04/24 03:30 AM
1

Which part gets her off the original mortgage?
/r/Divorce_Men24/04/24 05:33 PM
1

Sorry, my conscience says split the money. Technically only 1/2 is yours. Anymore than that and you, sir, are a bloodsucking thief. Doesn’t matter ‘what she would do.’
/r/Divorce_Men24/04/24 05:28 PM
1

How did that work out for your friend?
/r/Divorce_Men23/04/24 09:15 PM
2

No woman ever needs to know about your past sexual mates. Take ‘The Rational Male’ with on your trip. Your at the perfect age to start learning all about the game. Good luck out there.
/r/Divorce_Men23/04/24 09:07 PM
3

Relief? Absolutely. We no longer have to fix what can’t be fixed.
/r/Divorce_Men22/04/24 11:30 PM
1

Asked for passwords? Wild. Was she cheating and are you in an at-fault state?
/r/Divorce_Men22/04/24 11:25 PM
5

We have many months to go until the end, but mine is almost 18. I imagine we’ll be in the same boat as you. You have to plan an activity for the teens and just say ‘let’s go.’ Movie night, museum, pool (billiards), work on his or your car (teach him the important basics), sushi night, Xbox together. Ask him about friends, girls, music, youtube favorites. Talk about your experience with old gfs, make slide show pics of the younger years, make a must-see guy movie list. Go hit some golf balls. Tel…
/r/Divorce_Men22/04/24 12:09 PM
-1

Apples and oranges. I’ve seen male cheaters get bashed here. They usually come in with a blasé attitude (I cheated whaddaboutit). OP otoh is clearly reaching out for help. No one here is giving him a free pass. If you’re gonna come out from the shadows at least do so without ill intent.
/r/Divorce_Men22/04/24 01:02 AM
14

Maybe it’s time you focus on being the best dad you can be to the kids who may soon not be in your life very much. You’ve completely upended their family in one of the worst ways possible. When they’re old enough, they will judge you for how well you rebounded from your selfish choices. I know this bc one of my parents cheated. Be the best you can be for them without worrying about your next piece of ass.
/r/Divorce_Men22/04/24 12:15 AM
8

She’s dating another guy, and you’re not sure if she’s cheating??? Brother, get your head out of your ass. This has to be a troll post.
/r/Divorce_Men20/04/24 04:52 PM
2

Yeah losing that standard married deduction is no joke. Yours and my take home are similar. I’m looking at $500 less per month alone with new tax filing status. Idk how I’m gonna do it.
/r/Divorce_Men19/04/24 05:32 PM
5

My female lawyer half-jokingly stressed this to me. Find someone who can survive on her own, valuable advice.
/r/Divorce_Men19/04/24 04:01 AM
1

Have you read No More Mr. Nice Guy yet? Answers for why women leave are in there. Also, check out The Happy Wife School on youtube. Good men lose women all the time. Vows mean nothing to most of them, hypergamy is everything.
/r/Divorce_Men18/04/24 09:42 PM
3

I get that you’re holding out bud. It’s not your responsibility to fix her car. If my kids are riding in an unsafe car, though? Idgaf who it is, I’m telling them to fix the car.
/r/Divorce_Men16/04/24 02:26 PM
5

So then, no. She can’t legally have 100% of the marital assets. She’s delusional. Don’t pay her any attention.
/r/Divorce_Men15/04/24 11:21 PM
2

What does your lawyer think?
/r/Divorce_Men15/04/24 11:16 PM
1

Get a lawn mower, weedwacker and backpack blower. Start in neighborhood. $40 minumum per small cut, increases with bigger job, don’t short yourself. Be absolutely reliable and business will grow quickly. Business cards. Drop them in post office, local stores etc. Good business if you are turstworthy and on time.
/r/Divorce_Men15/04/24 05:26 PM
1

In the same boat here. I have a full-time career plus a side business. I just realized how f’d I’ll be with taxes doubling next year. Idk how I’m going to survive.
/r/Divorce_Men15/04/24 05:14 PM
5

Yeah, I’m putting cameras up and using voice-activated recorders after this shit. Sorry you have to deal with this.
/r/Divorce_Men15/04/24 12:15 AM
4

So you’re ok with your kids being in an unsafe car. Ok. I guess you missed my point.
/r/Divorce_Men13/04/24 01:49 AM
3

unsafe car
/r/Divorce_Men12/04/24 11:32 PM
3

Tell her she can have Easter and All Saints Day and you get Memorial Day, July 4 and Helloween
/r/Divorce_Men12/04/24 11:23 PM
7

If your kids are in that car you should tell her. Otherwise 🤷‍♂️
/r/Divorce_Men12/04/24 11:20 PM
2

I’m talking high school not college, though.
/r/Divorce_Men10/04/24 09:38 PM
4

It’s called mediation and many lawyers can handle it. Lawyer would be unbiased towards both parties. By me there are even family psychologists that can mediate. Idk the timeframe. If you two are truly amicable, this is the coveted way to do it. Also, read No More Mr. Nice Guy to see why you can’t fix your marriage. Chk out The Happy Wife School on youtube, also. Good luck!
/r/Divorce_Men10/04/24 09:20 PM
2

He’ll still be in high school.
/r/Divorce_Men10/04/24 09:13 PM
3

Same here. So aggravating.
/r/Divorce_Men10/04/24 03:48 PM
3

Except what happens if they don’t fully disclose hidden assest?
/r/Divorce_Men10/04/24 03:44 PM
6

In 20 years, which will be more important to your kid, that you made lots more money, or you spent good quality time with him while living close? Or is this just temporary for the summer? If temp. then seems like a no-brainer.
/r/Divorce_Men10/04/24 01:18 PM
2

Congrats! 10yrs woof. Was she a sahm? What percent in support are you giving?
/r/Divorce_Men10/04/24 03:58 AM
3

The least you need to do is pay a lawyer for a one hour consult ($150-$300) to learn your rights and likely outcome. I pay mine by the hour as I go. Not much needed so far, but if mediation breaks down, then I’ll pay $4k retainer or whatever. As others have pretty much said...get a lawyer.
/r/Divorce_Men09/04/24 05:12 PM
5

So sorry man. This is heartbreaking. I had to put my old girl down 10 yrs ago. She was my life, so smart, followed me everywhere without a leash. We did numberous rode trips around the country (US) together. It’s devastating losing such a good friend. Hoping for the best for you.
/r/Divorce_Men08/04/24 03:38 AM
2

Wow, gotcha. You’re the spender AND the money manager. That’s a rough combo lol. I’m the saver/manager, stbxw was the spender...different setup. So you need to learn how to stick to a budget, pretty simple. Pay your bills first, then allow yourself a fixed amount for play money each month.
/r/Divorce_Men08/04/24 03:18 AM
2

You bet! For exercise, I’ve never been a gym rat so I started simple at home. Squats, push ups, planks. Now I follow a weight training plan my teen made me. Two birthday beers since mid-january(was a regular weekender). I feel and look much better and am pumped for even bigger gains. No idea how the future will turn out but it’s gonna be ok. One day at a time.
/r/Divorce_Men08/04/24 03:08 AM
4

It’ll hurt less. I’m a few months in and have a much better outlook than the first few days. This is for the best, I’ve known it for years. That’s what got me through the two days of tears. I’m off and running now, improving me. Gym, limit/no booze, therapist to help guide through divorce and debrief marriage failings. Good luck. You’ll get lots of help and support here. Just about everyone here knows what you’re going through.
/r/Divorce_Men08/04/24 01:09 AM
1

Funny you talk about her period but you didn’t use a single one in your whole comm 🤣. Protect yourself and kids.
/r/Divorce_Men07/04/24 11:57 PM
2

Can we talk about you expecting her to help with your spending habit? My stbx is the spender, nothing overly extravagent, she just nickle and dimed us, the thousand cuts. I was often livid at her inability to stick to our budget and live within our means. I endured physical, internal stress and pain when it came time to pay bills and balance the chkbook. This, too, for us is a primary cause of the spilt. So, how could I have helped her to not spend so much? What do you realistically expect your …
/r/Divorce_Men06/04/24 09:44 PM
3

Others will chime in about what you need to do immediately (voice-activated recorder, cameras, gray rock, etc), but just reaching out to lend support. Sorry for your volatile situation. Keep yourself clean: no drugs, no alcohol, no displayed or implied anger. Your life with your kids is at stake, so there’s no room for error during the divorce. Don’t move out of the house. Live in separate room if you can, or she can. Also, fuck her allegations about your dad. Sounds like you’re in for a rough r…
/r/Divorce_Men06/04/24 09:24 PM
1

Lol thanks. How much did it interfere with working out?
/r/Divorce_Men06/04/24 03:17 PM
3

How squeamish were you? Any discomfort? What’s the recovery period?
/r/Divorce_Men06/04/24 12:42 PM
2

Why? Do you mean to not tell future flings? Genuinely curious. (E: word)
/r/Divorce_Men06/04/24 12:37 PM
1

If you didn’t sign anything, as stated above, then yes, this can and needs to be changed. You need the alimony. Swallow your stupid pride and get that survival money. Your kids actually need you to live as well as your ex.
/r/Divorce_Men05/04/24 11:22 PM
3

Looks like she’s in violation of the no contact order (unless her lawyer sent that list). Besides that, she can demand all she wants. She’s desperate and likely thinks strong-arming is going to scare you. Ignore and stick to your lawyer’s advice. Your kids are going to need extra help to survive this trauma, make sure they get it.
/r/Divorce_Men05/04/24 10:54 PM
4

Lol this sub should be a prerequisite for all single guys.
/r/Divorce_Men05/04/24 07:17 PM
3

Serious question, what brings you to this sub? I had no thought about it pre-divorce.
/r/Divorce_Men05/04/24 05:13 PM
2

It doesn’t matter. Rip the bandaid off if that’s what you chose. My wife was worried about serving me. I took it on the chin just fine bc I knew we were in shambles. Talk to a lawyer, get your ducks in a row. Good luck. Life can only improve for you.
/r/Divorce_Men05/04/24 03:50 PM
3

Pushups, leg lifts, squats, etc at hotel if there’s no gym. Keep on keepin on man!
/r/Divorce_Men05/04/24 03:27 PM
1

Feel like telling us your hobbies?
/r/Divorce_Men04/04/24 08:21 PM
2

Sounds like a question for the electric company.
/r/Divorce_Men04/04/24 12:58 AM
2

Did you guys lay down ground rules? What if you meet someone? Or she does? Do you stay as roommates? Do you kick her out? Any plans to keep things spicy if you’re in for longterm? Do you have to vacation together? What if she wants a dog? What if she asks you for money? What about paying for kid big expenses? Is that all you?
/r/Divorce_Men03/04/24 09:27 PM
3

Ngl I wouldn’t mind this for us. I don’t want to be married to my stbx. We financially mistrust each other. I don’t think it’ll happen, havent talked much about post-life...we’re both grey rock about divorce specifics. But as of now, I’m willing to think about it as an option. Anyway, good for you and good luck.
/r/Divorce_Men03/04/24 05:15 PM
3

My stbx also has a rolodex of past misgivings, too. Most women do. Arguments start logically then quickly devolved into her being angry at my anger or pulling out the old “remember when you fucked up that one day at the museum 10 yrs ago?!” LOL pointless. Debriefing the failed marriage is healthy to help your own personal growth. I had hoped my stbx would wait a year til kids are in college. I thought we might be able to respark in an empty nest. I don’t believe that anymore.
/r/Divorce_Men03/04/24 03:49 PM
1

I separated out finances, too, for similar reasons. I was done with trying to keep up. She took that as “financial abuse”. That was her beginning of the end. My beginning occurred long before that. Years later here we are divorcing. I was against “divorce” bc it is not an option. Now I’m all for it.
/r/Divorce_Men02/04/24 11:32 PM
3

Gym.
/r/Divorce_Men02/04/24 11:24 AM
7

You know what to do. She sounds like a miserable person to live with. You will never have an easier time to end this relationship on your terms.
/r/Divorce_Men01/04/24 08:09 PM
2

I mean what do you have to lose at this point? Pick the most gentle videos of the bunch and tactfully share it with her. Point out something you’ve learned about yourself while sharing. Kind of a quid pro quo.
/r/Divorce_Men01/04/24 05:25 PM
3

Amen. So frustrating.
/r/Divorce_Men01/04/24 03:24 AM
7

The hardest part? I can literally see the problem posted on my home office wall. Our family budget. It’s a simple process, live within your means, save for your future. She despised living on a “budget” like it’s a nasty word. I own that I was strict with it early on, but we walked a financial tight rope 18 yrs ago. We had a few months here and there where things were peachy, but compromise and responsibility eluded us. I gave up precovid, separated accts, gave her monthly money plus whatever sh…
/r/Divorce_Men01/04/24 12:34 AM
2

Haha look at it the other way, too. My stbx wants to split and I have to pay her to do so. You and I are both f’d lol.
/r/Divorce_Men01/04/24 12:19 AM
1

Honestly, her being cold is her way of coping. It’s easy for us guys to forget that the stbx’s (filed first or not) are also under emotional distress*. A big problem is we can no longer talk to each other about it and understand where they’re at. Have to gray rock, it is what it is. We had a nice brunch at home, just the three of us. My stbx is a holiday-gathering specialist. I’m going to miss her superb cooking skills. We’ll watch a movie later. Interspersed through the day I’m wrapping up disc…
/r/Divorce_Men31/03/24 11:48 PM
1

She discovered that life sucks even worse with half the money. Tell her you two can date after divorce papers are signed. Or maybe she realized all the ways she invalidated and emasculated you and she’s ready to treat you with respect by making herself happy instead of relying on others to do so.
/r/Divorce_Men31/03/24 04:40 AM
2

How do you know all this? If she’s telling you these details, then her purpose is to fuck with your mind. She knows this hurts you and she’s sticking the dagger deep. Sorry man, this fucking sucks. Your son will be ok in the long run. You’ll need to get past this without letting her know how much it triggers you. Don’t give her that satisfaction. Keep working on you and your health.
/r/Divorce_Men31/03/24 04:23 AM
5

OP already said he won’t do it precisely bc of his boys. The boys are giving him strength.
/r/Divorce_Men31/03/24 01:32 AM
7

Shower thought: what if my soulmate, that one perfect for me woman out of four billion, is 96 years old and on her death bed. If she’s coherent, should I introduce myself?
/r/Divorce_Men30/03/24 12:54 PM
2

See my post above brother. Maybe this woman’s perspective will help you and, more importantly, your wife. Congrats on the sex
/r/Divorce_Men30/03/24 06:19 AM
4

Try one more youtuber: The Happy Wife School. She gives really good insight into modern female behavior in marriage. I have my doubts that my stbx would have watched this with an open mind, but if she did then we would have resolved some major problems. Watch some episodes yourself, and I bet you’ll say “holy shit” a couple times. Then, maybe your wife will do the same. GL
/r/Divorce_Men30/03/24 06:13 AM
1

A little late here. Ever watch The Happy Wife School on YT? She’s very good at explaining how and why women behave the way they do in marriage. It would be difficult to get your wife to watch and listen, but if she does it could potentially be life changing for all of you. Watch some on your own to see what you think. GL
/r/Divorce_Men30/03/24 05:51 AM
19

A rhetorical answer: her happiness is more important bc she believes that others are supposed to make her happy. My story reads similar to yours: the social media, the arguing, the poor kids, the divorce threats. We guys easily own up to our failures. My wife apologized once in 18years, and that was after I had to ask her. I’m doing a marital debrief with a counselor and it’s pretty wild how the snowball gathered more and more shit through the years until the end game. I share your relief. We no…
/r/Divorce_Men30/03/24 05:41 AM
4

This this this OP
/r/Divorce_Men30/03/24 05:19 AM
1

Bro, do squats, leg lifts, walk forever. Start small each day. That’s all you need now
/r/Divorce_Men29/03/24 06:35 PM
1

So you’re ready to serve her divorce papers? Good. I wish my stbx and I did this at your age. There are very specific things you need to do, the list is commonly posted in this sub but main things include: make sure your acct is separate, do not say anything more to her except about kids, do not talk to inlaws, not sure about crying kid, so sorry you have to deal with that. Take care of yourself: lift weights, eat well, no or severely limit drinking, read/listen to books suggested in this sub. L…
/r/Divorce_Men29/03/24 05:58 PM
4

Sorry you’ve been blindsided. The pain is real. The papers will say “You are being sued.” Lots of us here have gone through this. Just receive them with a smile. You’ll need to keep your cool today. Read through posts here when ready. There’s a tremendous amount of support and good advice here. It took me 2 days to realize there’s no hope after being served. Then I agreed to divorce and agreed to be civil. Better exhusband than husband. Consult an attorney. Good luck and know things will get bet…
/r/Divorce_Men29/03/24 03:13 AM
4

Have you read or listened to The Rational Male or No More Mr. Nice Guy yet? Those might help you to see the real picture and start moving on with your own life.
/r/Divorce_Men28/03/24 06:18 PM
3

‘Needed the spark’, well said.
/r/Divorce_Men28/03/24 02:20 PM
3

One of the lucky ones here. 18yrs, last 7 sexless. We’ve both been mentally preparing for a long time lol.
/r/Divorce_Men28/03/24 12:02 AM
3

Bro read his past comments. They’re a goldmine for turning yourself around.
/r/Divorce_Men27/03/24 11:49 PM
18

You know the answer. Of course it’s fucking wierd. Sounds like he’s not the only one that can’t let go. I would not marry this woman until this is resolved.
/r/Divorce_Men27/03/24 03:10 AM
3

Lol. My divorced dad told me “date as many women as you can. Then date more.” I’m hoping my son pays heed to that advice better than me
/r/Divorce_Men27/03/24 02:46 AM
9

Wow congrats, brother. Our history is similar to yours, 52, sahm, overspending, me working career and side business. I’m exhausted. She initiated divorce, I’m now fully on board. Your outcome gives me hope.
/r/Divorce_Men26/03/24 10:09 PM
7

Cause OP is talking how much better off she is than her current husband.
/r/Divorce_Men26/03/24 10:01 PM
18

Gd your dad is an inspiration.
/r/Divorce_Men26/03/24 12:14 PM
1

Florida eliminated lifetime alimony. I think Texas may have as well.
/r/Divorce_Men26/03/24 03:55 AM
20

I was 5 when my parents split. Mom had bfs involved with us, but no one could ever replace my Dad. He had us every other weekend. I absolutely loved those weekends from 5 to 15+. Don’t sweat what you can’t control. Focus on your health and well-being and the rest falls in line.
/r/Divorce_Men26/03/24 03:41 AM
2

Ok you convinced me. I’ve been working out more than I ever have in my life and it feels fucking great.
/r/Divorce_Men26/03/24 02:39 AM
3

Except you just eliminated 75% of the dating pool for him 😂
/r/Divorce_Men25/03/24 10:06 PM
3

“I still have feelings for her and want to make it work.” Brother, nothing in your other words indicates any logical hint to stay. You need to get out of this marriage and protect yourself. Get some therapy, too. It’ll get better someday.
/r/Divorce_Men25/03/24 07:06 PM
3

The moment she hired a lawyer you should have, too.
/r/Divorce_Men25/03/24 06:49 PM
4

No, of course there are better women out there. My stbx, for example, isn’t like that. But there is a generalized pattern, genetically or environmentally rooted, that women follow. She flipped her light switch on you. You have to flip yours now.
/r/Divorce_Men25/03/24 05:28 PM
1

Nice. Good to have that validation
/r/Divorce_Men25/03/24 05:24 PM
3

Wow. I want to divorce your wife. Your sanity and kids well-being are priceless.
/r/Divorce_Men25/03/24 03:50 PM
7

Wow man what trash. Do yourself a favor and read or listen to The Rational Male. Change your mindset about women and get her out of your head forever.
/r/Divorce_Men25/03/24 03:40 PM
3

Holy shit that’s psycho
/r/Divorce_Men25/03/24 02:28 PM
4

That’s a bingo
/r/Divorce_Men25/03/24 01:24 AM
1

Thanks, loaded 70% to pdf today. The rest tomorrow. 26 days to spare.
/r/Divorce_Men24/03/24 11:01 PM
4

I’ll stick with dinner dates and BJs from now on 🤣
/r/Divorce_Men24/03/24 08:55 PM
1

It’s bc 5 yrs ago I cut my wife off from my acct due to her overspending habit. This is likely her request to lawyer.
/r/Divorce_Men24/03/24 08:50 PM
2

👊
/r/Divorce_Men24/03/24 02:35 PM
2

Hmm. Is this a legit way to do it?
/r/Divorce_Men24/03/24 02:31 PM
2

My lawyer advised me to be diligent. I can see your angle very much. Maybe I’m not in the mental state to be defiant atm. I’m not interested in dragging this part out, I want us to mediate fair deals and be done with this.
/r/Divorce_Men24/03/24 02:26 PM
1

I hear that but ours is a special case. Her premise is that I’ve been stealing and hiding money from her. I wasn’t. I’m more than happy to provide all the docs to prove that.
/r/Divorce_Men24/03/24 02:11 PM
3

How so? Pay them hourly to print? Lol
/r/Divorce_Men24/03/24 04:59 AM
1

Thanks. I was there earlier today to ask how I get 2019/2020 and they said $25 per year for “research”. Maybe I pay that for some bigger accts and then see if they do recent years for free.
/r/Divorce_Men24/03/24 03:52 AM
4

Yeah I saved everything pdf so far. Just need to cut a few trees to print
/r/Divorce_Men24/03/24 03:49 AM
1

Love your comment. water *under** the bridge
/r/Divorce_Men24/03/24 12:56 AM
1

Nice way of saying ‘get bent.’
/r/Divorce_Men24/03/24 12:53 AM
4

Divorce is last resort. Work on you. Individual therapy (learn how to react better before arguments flair up, dig through your own thoughts without her present), read some of the books we divorcing guys are reading (start with No More Mr. Nice Guy, can do audiobooks), workout and take care of you. If I had the motivation to do these and more for myself years ago, it may have solved small things between us. Not saying it would have saved us, but I’d be in a better place mentally. You’re really yo…
/r/Divorce_Men23/03/24 05:09 AM
6

That hurts, but still innocent. Maybe ask some questions like “what things do you love?” And the whys and redirect her to the better meaning. Explain ‘like she’s 5’ (lol) why you love her.
/r/Divorce_Men22/03/24 05:02 PM
2

You, sir, are one of the luckiest c*nts in this sub (provided you are childless) and the envy of most. Congrats on your early departure to a new life!
/r/Divorce_Men22/03/24 04:41 AM
1

That’s a long time. Did you guys date anyone else during that time?
/r/Divorce_Men21/03/24 05:32 PM
1

Damn, this makes me afraid she may have maxed cc’s before filing. She’s been prepping for at least the last yr. How someone can even get cards without a job and income is beyond me.
/r/Divorce_Men21/03/24 03:41 PM
3

Did a lawyer tell you that bc that’s moronic. People would be racing to file first if that was the case 🤣
/r/Divorce_Men21/03/24 03:33 AM
4

So technically this was her car to sell? Why bother then? I understand for the principle, but does this affect you financially?
/r/Divorce_Men21/03/24 03:22 AM
2

Doesn’t work like that. State laws are generally “fair” to both parties. Controlling your assests during separation, though, means you can protect them from disappearing before final judgement is passed (if you divorce).
/r/Divorce_Men21/03/24 03:16 AM
2

Every story is different man. Lots of women say the same exact thing about men and in lots of those cases it’s deserved.
/r/Divorce_Men21/03/24 03:12 AM
10

He’s going to have to get student loans then and apply for every aid/grant package available. He’s an adult now, help him learn how to adult.
/r/Divorce_Men21/03/24 03:07 AM
10

How do you let go of those feelings? Stop looking at her socials. Are you still hoping to reconcile? If so, forget it. She’s just a person you got to know very well. Now she’s on her own. Best you can do is be there if she has questions. She’s an adult. You’re wasting your precious time and thoughts on another person’s problem. Stop wasting your time.
/r/Divorce_Men20/03/24 09:34 PM
4

Man, idk. As you said, each one is purely circumstantial and even taken together do not substantiate much of anything. As you said, accusing her at this stage is bad for the relationship, but so is your feeling that something’s off. Broaching the subject either leads to further mistrust, ended relationship or positive change. It could also lead to a mature conversation of what you both want in a relationship (which really you should have had an idea from the start). My stbx says her gut tells he…
/r/Divorce_Men19/03/24 03:41 PM
10

Such gross entitlement. Get a job, woman. Congrats on staying sober OP. Edit- How long are you on the hook for alimony?
/r/Divorce_Men19/03/24 03:04 PM
5

Gray rock her and abandon all hope. “If you change”, she says to you. Give me a fucking break. Two people are affecting this marriage. Work on you, buddy, ignore her, and your perspective will soon change. Hardest part is now, pain is real. Refocus on you and your future. Do pushups, start walking. Listen to good podcasts and books. I envy you for going through this now given how young you are. You’ve got a whole life ahead to be with someone more mature and knows what she wants before committin…
/r/Divorce_Men18/03/24 10:34 PM
3

No, we aren’t all like that. Your self-confidence stems from inner self love. If you clutch the bird in your hand, it dies. Let it fly freely knowing you are a safe, trusting place to land. If it doesn’t return, another bird will happily take it place.
/r/Divorce_Men18/03/24 04:02 PM
1

I was on kp duty, too. She’s an excellent cook so I gladly obliged cleaning everyday. However, why do I have to clean you sahm lunch and breakfast dishes? Devil’s advocate: she cleaned the shit stains on the toilet usually. That’s as unpleasant as cleaning porridge lol. Don’t divorce over one small thing. Talk about it first.
/r/Divorce_Men18/03/24 03:33 PM
3

You’re young. You’re still in the pool to get 20+ year olds that are ready for their first marriage and kids lol. Be smart, work on you with everything you’ve got. There’s no rush to lock yourself in with another woman for life.
/r/Divorce_Men18/03/24 03:32 AM
5

She was a sahm, plenty of time to go through all the papers and comp. history. Mine did the same and still thinks I’m hiding 10 BTC somewhere (I wish). It’s really not snooping since your money is hers, too. If you can pour water on the fire do so to avoid court/lawyer costs, fully disclose everything. Nothing to hide.
/r/Divorce_Men18/03/24 01:07 AM
1

Lol
/r/Divorce_Men17/03/24 07:59 PM
4

‘Are you paying them’ I think is the question.
/r/Divorce_Men17/03/24 06:06 PM
3

Rule #1: you do not talk about Fight Club.
/r/Divorce_Men17/03/24 05:57 PM
5

I don’t have an answer but that was an enjoyable read 🤣. Peace brother
/r/Divorce_Men17/03/24 01:50 AM
1

Ty. Wow I didnt realize the length of time. Kid is 18 in May so really a non-issue though one yr of school left. I already setup auto-deposits to her acct based on our budget. This is really where I wanted to be years ago. Her main reason to divorce is “financial abuse” as she thinks I’ve been stealing and hiding money (I have not). This is why I’m eager to get the financial disclosure going, not just to defend myself but to get us to the negotiation table with all cards shown. We both want to g…
/r/Divorce_Men16/03/24 05:17 PM
12

Good on you. I thank my past self for jotting down notes on my phone through the years of bad, significant moments. Invalidating comments, emasculation, sabotaging behavior with kids involved, outlandish money demands (“We move to the upscale neighborhood and that’s final” even though broke). They’re all reminders to me that I wasn’t crazy and that she brought her own lvl of toxicity to us.
/r/Divorce_Men16/03/24 01:02 PM
7

From your post history it indeed sounds like she’s got another guy. Painful my man, sorry. Your best revenge is to gray rock her and become a better you. There is no good reconcilation with a woman that does this. Read/listen to No More Mr. Nice Guy. Watch Entrepreneurs in Cars. Start your road to recovering tonight. You have a whole life ahead of you. Someday you’ll be ecstatic she’s not in it. Exercise everyday, stay away from booze, don’t talk or text to her about your feelings or hopes or fu…
/r/Divorce_Men16/03/24 02:01 AM
3

I’m seeing a therapist, not to save the marriage, but to guide me through the divorce and post-divorce. She pushed me to one years ago because everything was my fault lol. Two different therapists just shook their heads saying how tough she really is. I could give a fuck at this point if she knows I’m going again, but there’s no advantage to her knowing. My reward is being a better, single man on the other side of this.
/r/Divorce_Men15/03/24 04:02 PM
6

Thank you for this
/r/Divorce_Men15/03/24 02:29 AM
2

This is 100% great motivation.
/r/Divorce_Men14/03/24 08:50 PM
5

You’re not a pussy, my man. You’re human with a shit ton of extra responsibility thrown at you. Start exploring ways for relief and extra help.
/r/Divorce_Men14/03/24 12:13 PM
2

Learn how to gray rock her. Go see your own therapist, too. Find your lawyer. And definitely do NOT leave the house unless directed by court order. Ignore her, be on your best behavior. Sorry, she is now your enemy in this business transaction. Life will improve when this is over.
/r/Divorce_Men13/03/24 03:43 PM
1

She and I hardly ever celebrated our anniversary which makes this lots easier. Holidays are gonna be tough being alone, though.
/r/Divorce_Men12/03/24 05:18 PM
1

Jesus. Thx for the run down.
/r/Divorce_Men12/03/24 02:21 AM
1

Holy shit that seems like a lot. Did it mostly go to custody desicions? I was hoping for the straight $4k flat fee. Edit: 18yo “kid” so custody not an issue.
/r/Divorce_Men12/03/24 12:09 AM
1

Those feelings have been smashed under 20yrs of contempt. I speak this from experience. As I go through therapy, I’m realizing how much bullshit, invalidation, disrespect, and esmaculation I put up with simply bc I believed in sanctity of our marriage. No More Mr. Nice Guy is kind of helpful, too. I care for her well-being and I love her heart. But I don’t love who she turned into, and she hasn’t loved me for a long time.
/r/Divorce_Men11/03/24 03:53 PM
2

Making yourself better will be better for the kids. It can only be an improvement from before.
/r/Divorce_Men11/03/24 02:44 PM
6

Goddamn your last paragraph is depressing.
/r/Divorce_Men09/03/24 05:02 PM
3

Her next “emergency” is coming, dude. Prepare yourself to keep grey rocking. She’s no longer the human you need to help or “save”. GL Ps- go talk to a therapist, too.
/r/Divorce_Men08/03/24 01:39 AM
1

Sorry brother. Do ever legal thing you can to make money and pay a lawyer. Keep going on the straight path.
/r/Divorce_Men07/03/24 06:21 PM
2

No lawyer involved? Without knowing details, sounds like you need to lawyer up if you want to see the kids.
/r/Divorce_Men07/03/24 06:16 PM
5

No. Full stop. Your inner logic is telling you the answer, hence the post. You’re too emotional and crossing a boundary. You are showing her you don’t trust her with the kids. Nothing you can do about it. Stay no contact, gray rock, and only comm logistica about the kids. You will get through to a good place eventually.
/r/Divorce_Men07/03/24 06:01 PM
9

“Living separate.” Be honest, do you want to hook up with other women? If yes, goto page 35. If no, stay where you are and simply tell her you’re going on holiday here and there. Come home, spoon your best friend.
/r/Divorce_Men07/03/24 05:01 AM
1

You aught to drop a separate post in this sub, brother, about your success. It’s really inspirational even if only we have 10% of your outcome. Most of us here could use a taste of your optimism ✌️ Ps- just chkd your history, lots of great reading material.
/r/Divorce_Men07/03/24 01:26 AM
2

Big lol. For me it’ll be destination roadtrips. Paleontology digs, ufo conventions (for the fun), visit long distance friends. Maybe a round of golf in between even though putting pisses the heck out of me.
/r/Divorce_Men07/03/24 01:15 AM
3

“But it’s under my control now and that’s liberating.” Thanks for saying this. I’m at the beginning and financial infidelity is what broke us. Gives me hope.
/r/Divorce_Men07/03/24 01:09 AM
6

This is the way. As much as my stbx and I frustrated the hell out of each other, I wouldn’t want to add any more hurt to her life. What’s done is done.
/r/Divorce_Men07/03/24 01:04 AM
6

Just dropping in to support you, bud. This sucks. Internet man hug to you.
/r/Divorce_Men06/03/24 11:09 PM
4

Lots of us here had/have the dark thoughts. Push through, brother. Relief and hope for a better life are on the way.
/r/Divorce_Men05/03/24 01:54 PM
3

Pushups and squats. Get started homey
/r/Divorce_Men05/03/24 05:12 AM
2

Contact a lawyer and ask them, make the first move. Protect yourself. Your wife said the d word, she’s already there. Delay until you can find housing at a minimum. By all means, try to work on marriage, too, but not just on her terms.
/r/Divorce_Men04/03/24 04:48 PM
1

What does this mean? E: I see it explained above by op. What’s the practicality of this is my question
/r/Divorce_Men04/03/24 01:07 PM
1

Thank you.
/r/Divorce_Men04/03/24 11:04 AM
2

Sir, I’ve said this a few times on here already: I finally felt relief when I no longer had to fix what can’t be fixed. Also, 3 people in a 4-seat car? Am I missing something here? Or did you want to be the 4th?
/r/Divorce_Men03/03/24 10:25 PM
6

She’s fearful. Divorce is permanent. “Am I making the right choice?” “What if I can’t find anyone else better?” “How can I survive on only half his salary?” Once each question is rationalized then it’s game over. My stbxw threatened the same for years. I’m not surprised she took so long, she’s pretty indecisive.
/r/Divorce_Men03/03/24 12:57 AM
1

Send them a letter, snail mail. Keep sending without expectations.
/r/Divorce_Men02/03/24 12:53 AM
5

Meh, my wife loved making all the wrong decisions 😭
/r/Divorce_Men01/03/24 11:57 PM
5

Love that kid strong, man. Good on you for your kindness. He’s gonna need all your fatherly support to navigate all those emotions, on top of his parents’ issues. Also, I say let your wife struggle on her own, she’ll learn. You’re helping her grow by staying out of her business. Better exhusband than husband is not a bad place to be.
/r/Divorce_Men01/03/24 11:54 PM
3

What a hose job. Thx for the explanation.
/r/Divorce_Men01/03/24 09:56 PM
1

Idk I don’t mind the govt. not getting more money. Seems that would be double taxation anyway. Just split the tax burden evenly between both parties please.
/r/Divorce_Men01/03/24 06:21 PM
2

Gray rock her. Stop giving in. F her. Say ‘no, sorry, that’s not going to happen. You’ll have to figure out another way.’
/r/Divorce_Men01/03/24 06:17 PM
1

F3?
/r/Divorce_Men28/02/24 10:46 PM
2

Sorry buddy, that sucks. Life will get better for you.
/r/Divorce_Men28/02/24 08:25 PM
8

Your exwife is a fucking idiot 🤣
/r/Divorce_Men28/02/24 04:54 PM
2

Seriously, after such a no-fun relationship? If you’re asking then you know the answer. Let the bird fly away on its own. If it’s meant to be, it’ll find you again.
/r/Divorce_Men28/02/24 04:49 PM
4

Mmhmm. 7yrs dead bedroom, wtf.
/r/Divorce_Men28/02/24 05:14 AM
4

I’ve never been a big workout guy, but also never backed down from manual labor. I’m looking forward to getting in best shape of my life (50+). Been doing the at home workouts, and soon ready to upgrade.
/r/Divorce_Men28/02/24 05:11 AM
2

Hey buddy, you’re gonna be ok.
/r/Divorce_Men27/02/24 04:59 PM
1

Preach king. And now that you experienced the other side of that coin, you’re turning into a stronger and more empathetic man.
/r/Divorce_Men26/02/24 01:08 PM
3

Sorry for your pain. Sounds like it’s time to let the bird fly. In my case, I’ve decided to be a better exhusband than I was a husband. She’s not innocent, but I’m feeling a whole lot better now just moving beyond trying to “save” us. The financial hell is a future-me problem. Now I just want peace and two happy parents for my kid.
/r/Divorce_Men26/02/24 07:11 AM
6

Find a lawyer that will help you mediate. Mine is pushing that for us, save time, money and heartache. Heck, our marriage counselor offered that to us years ago, should have done it then lol.
/r/Divorce_Men26/02/24 06:48 AM
1

What’s the MSA?
/r/Divorce_Men26/02/24 06:42 AM
1

NAL but my guess is suspending her cell service creates a drastic change to living situation and you could get raked for it. Like when I was served, my lawyer said ‘don’t change ANYTHING at this point including life insurance amts and beneficiaries, for example. ‘Don’t even pay off cc’s.’ Lock your phone with a new password, otherwise, buy her a separate phone contract. And, yes, bring this up with your lawyer.
/r/Divorce_Men26/02/24 02:32 AM
1

Side question: why is marriage certificate important? Just went through papers and said hmm guess we won’t really need that (still have it).
/r/Divorce_Men23/02/24 10:44 PM
2

Congrats! I’m two weeks in, my lawyer said “oh, you are going to pay and pay” (stbxw is sahm fuck me). She followed up later with “you’re going to be so much better off when this is over.” Lol. Hard to believe atm but nice to see happiness on this board.
/r/Divorce_Men23/02/24 04:21 AM
6

You’re not done.
/r/Divorce_Men22/02/24 06:12 PM
1

And as soon as papers are served, she will radically change her mind saying she didn’t mean it. Good luck OP
/r/Divorce_Men20/02/24 11:23 PM
1

Mind telling more into why you wish you took time to dig deeper?
/r/Divorce_Men20/02/24 02:59 PM
5

Excellent, double congrats!
/r/Divorce_Men19/02/24 12:27 PM
6

Congratulations, glad you’re rid of the toxicity. Tell us you’re doing a prenup as the next high road.
/r/Divorce_Men19/02/24 12:20 PM
1

Hey man, I’ve had these intrusive thoughts, too. I’m here now bc of my son. The worst thing I could have done to him was suicide. He’d have to say that for the rest of his life to everyone that asked “How did your dad die?” Imagine that constant pain. He’d have to always wonder if he was a small reason for me killing myself. He’d grow up in life knowing that his father didn’t love him enough to stick around and guide him through life’s hardships. Who would teach him how to work on his car? Who w…
/r/Divorce_Men18/02/24 04:50 AM
6

Holy shit are you me? This is exactly how our counseling went years ago. We tried two different counselors even, but she quit both times as she thought I was lieing and they weren’t treating her fairly. So frustrating and sad.
/r/Divorce_Men10/02/24 06:05 AM
1

Her parents are paying her attorney. We have a small Roth. It’s not much but would be very helpful. I wonder if she can go after any funds I withdraw for an attorney, though.
/r/Divorce_Men10/02/24 02:16 AM
2

Thanks. We’re still under the same roof. Going to be tough sledding.
/r/Divorce_Men09/02/24 11:16 PM
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