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lackoffinance Archive

View 6 posts and 40 comments by lackoffinance on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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1

I’ve been there before too. Yo keep this a simple reply, you are more desirable than you know. Put yourself out there. It will work out for you. It happened for me and I’m happier in a relationship than I’ve ever been.
/r/Divorce_Men08/10/24 08:09 PM
1

Narcissist for sure. Theres no amount of time to expect when things get better. It’s different for everybody. Hang in there, keep doing the work on you, and go down roads you may not have explored before. It will take time, but things will change.
/r/Divorce_Men29/09/24 04:00 PM
2

This is really a big deal for me to hear. That’s the best I can explain this. I am hanging in there. Always showing up even though it’s hard for both of us. Always telling her I love her. Always telling her that my parents, brother, and her cousin miss her. I hope this will one day turn around. Reading your words gives me hope.
/r/Divorce_Men29/09/24 03:56 PM
1

I appreciate your response, but that’s not happening. My romantic life and my relationship can co exist together. Just for context, we were never married, never lived together, and had an on and off relationship for 15 years. I was living on another coast when I found out my ex was pregnant. A week later, my daughter was born. Her mom and I tried to work it out, but her narcissistic behavior made it so I just couldn’t hang in there and try and be a family. I finally decided we can’t make each ot…
/r/Divorce_Men29/09/24 03:51 PM
1

Just for context, we were never married, never lived together, and had an on and off relationship for 15 years. I was living on another coast when I found out my ex was pregnant. A week later, my daughter was born. Her mom and I tried to work it out, but her narcissistic behavior made it so I just couldn’t hang in there and try and be a family. I finally decided we can’t make each other happy and I finally ended it. Her behavior after that got really bad and I finally got a lawyer. I fought to g…
/r/Divorce_Men29/09/24 03:50 PM
1

Funny that you think that I didn’t do that before my daughter shut me out. I was always being accused of being the fun parent by her mom. I always made sure we were bouncing off the walls the time we spent together. That’s what my house and every experience was. Just for context, we were never married, never lived together, and had an on and off relationship for 15 years. I was living on another coast when I found out my ex was pregnant. A week later, my daughter was born. Her mom and I tried to…
/r/Divorce_Men29/09/24 03:48 PM
1

Just for context, we were never married, never lived together, and had an on and off relationship for 15 years. I was living on another coast when I found out my ex was pregnant. A week later, my daughter was born. Her mom and I tried to work it out, but her narcissistic behavior made it so I just couldn’t hang in there and try and be a family. I finally decided we can’t make each other happy and I finally ended it. Her behavior after that got really bad and I finally got a lawyer. I fought to g…
/r/Divorce_Men29/09/24 03:46 PM
2

I appreciate this. She is working with a child psychologist and I just had a session with my daughter, her mom, and the therapist. It went as well as it could have. Just for context, we were never married, never lived together, and had an in and off relationship for 15 years. I wasn’t living on another coast when I found out my ex was pregnant. A week later, my daughter was born. Her mom and I tried to work it out, but her narcissistic behavior made it so I just couldn’t hang in there and try an…
/r/Divorce_Men29/09/24 03:44 PM
1

She is using her mom’s surname. I have access to the school website. I wasn’t at the hospital when she got discharged. I had to fight to get on the birth certificate.
/r/Divorce_Men29/09/24 03:40 PM
0

Numbers are numbers and you can't misconstrue that. She also makes over 4x than me.
/r/Divorce_Men27/09/24 05:47 PM
-1

Thanks for this. I actually have a lawyer and I've put our fight on hold out of good faith. There's a contract on the table, but her lawyer's math is off on what I make a year and what they want me to pay. Also, there's a line where she gets final say on big decisions that I'm not budging on. I have a good lawyer and one who helped me get on the birth certificate. That said, I'm thinking of texting her with the pic of the journal "I think it's about time I have an understanding of what our daugh…
/r/Divorce_Men27/09/24 05:13 PM
5

Happy birthday! First off, you're very lucky to be spending your bday with your kids and one day, you will appreciate this specific birthday for what it was. Next, I know exactly how you feel. Like you're missing something. I've experience this myself. I don't know how you're putting yourself out there, but in my case once I did, I found out I was more desirable than I thought. If you want to give some context as to the things you're doing to get yourself out there, not only on the dating scene,…
/r/Divorce_Men27/09/24 05:07 PM
2

100% in agreement with both of these posts. I had my daughter at 42 with my ex. She is a miracle. Keep your head up, you are nowhere near to losing your dream.
/r/Divorce_Men18/03/24 04:35 PM
1

Yes, that’s what I’d like to do, but the opportunities to be with her are becoming non existent.
/r/Divorce_Men06/03/24 08:15 PM
1

This is definitely difficult. I know my daughter only enjoys FaceTiming my niece. Everyone else, she’s just not interested. When you can, definitely ask her about her toys. She seems to like sharing what she got. My daughter is the same way. I hope things do get better for you
/r/Divorce_Men05/03/24 11:56 PM
2

I appreciate this. That’s my approach and doing the best I can.
/r/Divorce_Men05/03/24 11:54 PM
3

I'm sorry to hear that. I just want to be a father to my daughter. I finally thought we were getting back into a groove working with the lawyers. It was brought to my attention that my daughter didn't feel right about meeting my girlfriend, but of course I didn't hear that until we had a co-parent coordinator. Would have been nice to know earlier so I could have addressed it further with my daughter.
/r/Divorce_Men05/03/24 02:39 AM
3

Powerless is a good way to put it. I feel the same. How has your child acted around you? Thanks for sharing your experience.
/r/Divorce_Men05/03/24 02:26 AM
3

I’m sure all the thoughts in your head are convoluted and things are confusing. Just know, this right now what you’re feeling, it is not the feeling or position you’ll be in the rest of your life. Things will get better. Give yourself some grace and allow yourself to feel what you feel. Also know, you deserve to be happy, loved, valued, and wanted.
/r/Divorce_Men29/02/24 12:43 AM
7

You deserve to be valued, you deserve to be wanted, you deserve to be loved. Feelings are manipulative in times like these. It won’t be easy, but taking steps now will position you for happiness later. Wishing you the best.
/r/Divorce_Men21/02/24 04:04 PM
1

Dude…SO WELL SAID! You laid everything out there to give people hope. We’ve all been at rock bottom. Some still are, but know it only gets better when you start working towards making it get better. For me, I’ve found that the important thing is to have someone who values you, wants you, makes you feel safe, and loves you. I’ve been lucky enough to find that. I hope you all do too.
/r/Divorce_Men13/02/24 06:09 PM
1

UPDATE: I’m about to propose to my girlfriend. My daughter has met her once as my “friend” and always wants to hop on a FaceTime call when she calls. She doesn’t know our relationship yet. I am officially on the birth certificate now, but the custody agreement is still going back between lawyers. I’ve been telling a few people about wanting to propose and most have been very supportive. The only ones who haven’t are my parents. They’re worried about how this will affect my daughter. She won’t fi…
/r/Divorce_Men10/02/24 10:12 PM
1

My girlfriend won’t be providing care without me there. We are planning on moving in together by end of year.
/r/Divorce_Men02/01/24 11:06 PM
2

It’s been 8 years now. At this point, no matter what, I’m her father.
/r/Divorce_Men02/01/24 11:05 PM
2

Yeah, this is playing it safe for sure.
/r/Divorce_Men30/12/23 08:33 PM
2

Very well said. My girlfriend is one of the best people I know. I’m not concerned about her. I think it comes down to me wanting my daughter to feel comfortable and not having the ex become an a-hole again. My daughter is already asking me to FaceTime my girlfriend, so that’s not a bad sign at all.
/r/Divorce_Men30/12/23 08:32 PM
3

I absolutely appreciate your perspective and the reply. One thing I didn't mention and edited in the post is this: My daughter met my girlfriend and her daughter, but only as "this is my friend" when we played mini golf with my brother and niece. I didn't tell my ex this was happening. I really have no idea how to approach this with her. I think I'm still in the mindset of having absolutely nothing to stand on, but I am now on the birth certificate. I really want this all to be fair and for ever…
/r/Divorce_Men30/12/23 03:35 PM
1

This isn't a sticking point for me, but it is for her, This was one of the first reasons she didn't want me on the birth certificate. I told her I'd waive foreign travel and she could leave when they wanted. Granted this was when I thought we would all be together as a family. Now it's just many excuses she gives me. She's now going to get served with the paper work to initiate the process to have me on the birth certificate. So much fun!
/r/Divorce_Men24/10/23 01:29 AM
1

Another good one. I do believe her mom has weened her from this. My daughter falls asleep here pretty easily.
/r/Divorce_Men24/10/23 01:27 AM
2

Thanks for this!
/r/Divorce_Men23/10/23 09:47 PM
3

Wow, this is incredibly helpful. She literally keeps my daughter so busy and signs her up for classes almost 7 days a week. Live the idea of a weekday too. Thank you so much
/r/Divorce_Men23/10/23 06:21 PM
2

This is interesting. My therapist said that feelings are manipulative meaning you may remember the good times and that gives you a mindset of loss in the present. For me, the bad outweighed the good. I try and remember that, but it is hard. OP will get through this. Keep accumulating that advice on here and elsewhere.
/r/Divorce_Men21/07/23 10:00 PM
1

That’s what I thought too, but maybe it needs to be more set in stone. To complicate things, I’m not on the birth certificate. She is being difficult about that. It’s been a process.
/r/Divorce_Men15/07/23 03:24 PM
1

Thanks for this, however…we were never married.
/r/Divorce_Men13/07/23 12:31 AM
3

Everybody has their own story. People posting here are right, you’re not the same. That being said, the way I found myself again was through dating. I got to know myself again and realized how amazing I am. You may not be ready to start dating, but there are ways to find yourself. Do not think like this. You have so much more time than you realize. I had my daughter at 42. I’m now 50 and open to the idea of having another child should the right situation arise. We all have our own stories. We al…
/r/Divorce_Men10/07/23 03:18 PM
1

Thanks for this. I wouldn’t say she doesn’t care, but her issues have held her back in nurturing our relationship. I know my anxiety has had an affect. I really think we can’t make each other happy.
/r/Divorce_Men31/01/23 03:47 PM
1

I appreciate that. Been talking to a therapist too. Wanted to hear thoughts from other people here as well.
/r/Divorce_Men31/01/23 01:36 PM
1

I appreciate the comment, but not sure you read my post. We’re not married, never been married, and have never lived together. She’s been so angry with me and non communicative for years. I’ve been hanging on with the thought she’d want to be together. After escalating arguments, the possibility of us getting back together is less appealing to me. The reason I’ve been with other women is the loneliness. With things up in the air for years, I have no idea if it’s right or wrong, but it’s not a si…
/r/Divorce_Men31/01/23 01:29 PM
1

Thanks for reading. This is a good take. I mean, yeah we’ve basically have been co-parents, but haven’t let go of the idea of being together. That being said, we both own separate houses and we haven’t done much on being together. We’ve had a couples therapist here and there, but she’s always wanted to stop going. I feel like I’ve tried to push for us, but I’m feeling tapped out at this point. She does have issues with relationships based on her dad being a d*ck. I’ve never thought I have abando…
/r/Divorce_Men31/01/23 11:56 AM
1

This definitely makes sense. I don't want to mess my daughter up.
/r/Divorce_Men31/01/23 03:20 AM
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