Even though she refuses to talk about the relationship and any possibility of reconciliation......

And everybody has told me to set healthy boundaries and stop communicating....

There are still times that I want to text her things like

"you deeply hurt me"

"this is the most painful thing I've ever been through in my life"

At the end of the day I know it wouldn't matter because she doesn't care about me, I'm not sure she ever did.

She really only cares about herself.

I suppose it's just that after 18 years of marriage all of it is still hard to accept.

I've lost 80 lbs. I feel like I have a better relationship with my two sons. I also have a better relationship with other members of my family....

I know people don't seem to understand why this is still affecting me after 8 months.....

They say things like "If the relationship was really that bad then you should be glad"

She is the same as she always was.

If she came back the way she is now I know it would be hell on earth again.

But there's just something in my heart that keeps hurting over this.

When can I expect things to normalize where I don't feel so sad, depressed and apprehensive?

Is it possible that things will get better after the divorce is final?