Divorce at 47 with depression

Stitching · 2024-03-09T09:30:47+00:00

44m with major depressive disorder and generalized anxiety disorder. Getting on the right meds saved my life and you can look at my post history for all the other things that worked for me. Went from suicidal the first few months to feeling pretty damn great 8 months in.

DivorceRecoveryMen · 2024-03-09T05:39:28+00:00

I got divorced at 50 and had the same fears. Kids are all three grown and gone now and are productive members of society. Dated some crazies over the years and got married an awesome lady last September. There is life after marriage death. Patience grasshopper. Paying your dues of hard days, struggles and bad days is totally worth it in the end.

ramboton · 2024-03-09T05:36:14+00:00

"I keep feeling like it's too late to start again."

You have all sorts of time, I am 60, and considering divorce, but I am afraid of being alone for the rest of my life.....

Legitimate-Match2675 · 2024-03-09T01:10:24+00:00

Bro I got divorced at 46 after 17 years of marriage. Go get laid! I have had more sex since my divorce that I did in 17 years of marriage.

Have fun, and remember “why is divorce so expensive?” Because it’s worth it. Fuck her and go get some!

bk2747 · 2024-03-08T21:04:09+00:00

Look at it this way. Your oldest only has 4 more years at home and your youngest has 8. While you and your wife were busy being miserable, I hope the college fund or trade school funds are squared away. Forget the woman, the only thing on your mind is making sure those boys are straight.

Especially the oldest. These next 4 years will set the tone for early adulthood. He needs a strong male presence to guide him. Sports, academics, teaching him about life and especially finances. You being down in the dumps, moping around isn’t helping anyone, he needs you at your best.

Also, the youngest will see and absorb everything and with him going into middle school, chaos at home will spell disaster for him.

And there’s no doom. I like to say “Happy life, No Wife!” You’re free, start acting like it. Time to get in the best shape of your life at 47, it’s only March. Pour into your boys, especially your oldest. How are you sending him into the world? Is he going to get a head start in life or will he need to go take out $80k in student loans and car notes because mom and dad decided to play whack-a-Mole with each other at the finish line instead of getting the boys ready for the Thunder Dome that we call Society?

Let’s get it together. Do whatever you need to clear your head, get through this as best as possible, and keep your boys at the focal point. They need dad to stand tall, not crumble. Not at this age and not at this stage. LFG.

Ptsdveterannavy · 2024-03-08T20:24:28+00:00

Man, what you're experiencing is normal. You're having withdrawal from the longevity of being with her. Very understandable. That will pass. Don't run from your feelings of that or shut them down. Instead, deal with those feelings, let them flow through you, although you will very much feel compelled to reach out and go back to her. Don't!!!! Also, don't get into another relationship, it's the worst mistake. Learn who you are now, and understand both you and her created the causes of the failed marriage.

Embarrassed-Safe-670 · 2024-03-08T20:00:53+00:00

I'm 59 going into my 3rd divorce. Uea, yea I know but it's kinda like eating Lays potato chips, you can't eat just one ! Anyway just ride out the bad times and the good times will come again. Remember it's not about the destination but about the journey.

Lumptbuttcat · 2024-03-08T19:00:04+00:00

There’s her, there’s you and there’s the relationship. When it comes to her, you don’t miss her. Trust me. Put an X through that one. When it comes to you, things become scary. You had a lot in your life that was stable, comfortable and predictable. Now not so much. Just a big change. That’s all. Happens to all of us. Then there’s the relationship. It’s not so much the memories of whatever you think about. It’s about the life you invested in the marriage. A lot of blood, sweat and tears invested with little return. Key here is reinvesting what you scrape out of the shitty deal. Time to in invest in you.

So when feel down, ask yourself, “which of the three is it?” Allow yourself to sort through it.

sec1993 · 2024-03-08T18:32:39+00:00

There are treatments for OCD and Depression, that worked for me because I was tired of all the anti-depressant meds. Look into TMS therapy in your area. The treatments changed my life and helped me realize the situation I was in with the ex. The treatment is a bit jarring at first, but it worked for me, and I am no longer dependent on meds to get up in the morning. It's not all sunshine and rainbows, but it changed everything for me.

Brown33470 · 2024-03-08T18:13:42+00:00

I’m 51 6 months in it gets better. I was let go from my job 3 months of those months made it worse. Find a hobby something you enjoy it gets better.

sense4242 · 2024-03-08T18:09:54+00:00

I’ve seen so much of this on this Reddit from men. Do the women also experience depression and grief like this ?

major92653 · 2024-03-08T18:01:00+00:00

I got divorced at age 47, with depression, OCD, and 2 sons ages 11 and 9.

It’s been 8 years, and things turned out just fine.

I didn’t stop being a Dad. As long as I could go to my son’s flag football games, their baseball games and we could watch movies, eat pizza, and watch football, I was happy.

I wasn’t a very good cook, but I learned, and my now 19 and 17 year old boys love to come over for dinner when I’m cooking.

The boys ended up fine, well adjusted, responsible and good kids, and that’s all I could ever ask for.

You’ll be ok, but take care of your mental health so you can be the father you need to be. Everything else will fall into place.

ElderberrySuper3659 · 2024-03-08T17:53:18+00:00

Get treatment for your depression immediately for the sake of your boys. Talk therapy helps, but, it works better when you are not frozen in panic because your neurochemicals have gone haywire.

Second, the woman you love no longer exists. Her interests and yours have diverged and you will be shocked to find out how little she cares about yours even though you still feel protective over her and the boys.

Third, find a "tribe" that have been where you are and LISTEN TO THEM. You are not the exception to the rule. At one time all of them believed their spouses were put here on earth to be by their side forever and ever. They realize the pendulum swings from life partner to enemy without stopping in the middle at "friend".

Right now she has shut off anyone who doesn't agree with what she has decided to do. She has all manner of nasty people drawn to her to feed off the drama. They delight in the chaos. They will all abandon her once reality and consequences hit her like like a ton of bricks.

Find good, solid men folk who have been where you are to give you wise counsel. They will be friends for life.

Take care and God Bless.

randomly421 · 2024-03-08T17:33:32+00:00

I can relate. First couple of years, I was really caught up in not having a partner and the entire concept of being alone and too old to start over. My ex had quickly moved on, and that was certainly part of my plight. If she could, why couldn't I?

Eventually, I started to wonder why I was starting over in the first place and why a partner is part of that equation.

In the end, neither was necessary for me. I have my kids, I am a father, my kids actually like me, I had a mostly enjoyable and long marriage, why start over?

So now I just do whatever the fuck I want. I have more or less shed the idea of this house, wife, cars, and vacations mindset being associated with winning life.

Maybe I'll run across a lovely woman someday, and what was meant to be will be. But I no longer equate that to a successful life.

pk2at · 2024-03-08T17:50:06+00:00

Make sure you get the boys on your side by showing how much money you are losing. Also get the best financial deal possible. Its very difficult to recover financially if you lose 50% of your wealth, don't give her more than 5% of what you have made

Reflog1791 · 2024-03-08T16:53:30+00:00

See a counselor. Maybe you need meds maybe not. Mine hypnotized me with meditation. I learned how to meditate myself. Just the other morning I had an extra half hour in bed and I spent it on a beach in Mexico in my head.

Point being there are a lot of ways to heal from depression so keep chipping away at it. Still remember the day the clouds parted for me and it was over. Just walking down the street the scenery got really bright and beautiful and I knew the season of divorce bullshit was over.

If you haven’t picked up golf yet give it a try. Great cure for divorce and depression.

AdvanceCalm9900 · 2024-03-08T16:43:35+00:00

Just started seeing a therapist and I couldn’t recommend any one single thing more.

It’s someone to be your own personal advocate. They can give you objectivity and tools to help you work through what the emotions that can cause anxiety and depression.

Hugs, from another dad

bilbomontague10 · 2024-03-08T16:09:51+00:00

Newly divorced with kids. Reading advice from our friends on Reddit definitely helped me. You don’t need to start over, consider it living differently. Standards are… exercise, get sleep, eat right, don’t be a hermit. Learn to talk to people if that’s not your skill. And if you’re good with it, dress better. Confidence is king. I know a lot of guys who improved themselves and/or had some good experiences. Most wound with partners or gf’s later. I’ve already made good and bad decisions. I’m anxious even lonely sometimes but never wallow in it. Last note… in your case definitely read the great advice here and also see a professional to see if that person can help too. Keep your head up and plow forward. Better times lie ahead.

awaythrow-8675309 · 2024-03-08T15:49:15+00:00

I'm 37 and no kids so I can't help beyond the depression. Please see a therapist and if needed look into medicine. But if you're apprehensive then maybe just try to go to the gym, join some active clubs (we have a lot of running clubs where I live) or just find a hobby.

I've never really been a depressed person. But the last 6 months have sucked tremendously at times. Yeah there have been good moments but by and large it's very difficult...and I think (and my therapist thinks) I'm handling things extremely well considering the circumstances. I will wake up sometimes and remind myself of what's going on, sometimes I get very emotional and cry and obviously there are times where she can directly or indirectly completely mess me up when I think I'm doing ok. Hang in there and don't be afraid to get help. Talk to friends, family and even strangers. Lots of support groups on Facebook (Facebook sucks but I've learned that a ton of groups on there are generally very helpful and you get responses instantly)

Ok-Cicada5911 · 2024-03-08T15:45:34+00:00

Hold onto hope.

I'm over 50. I've been diagnosed with a mood disorder but despite it, I am "high functioning." I do pretty well at work. My divorce hit me like a ton of bricks.

Anxiety is often paired with depression. I learned to see both depression and anxiety as "a temporary trick of the mind." If you can survive until tomorrow, you'll be fine. If you can't make it to tomorrow, jump on cardio. (I went from 270lb to 180lb). Meditation is good as a emotional control tool. Journaling is good for looking for emotional patterns and awareness. Therapy is a really good addition too.

Focus on what's under your control. You won't be able to solve huge things over days, weeks, or months. It'll take years to figure out retirement for example. So file that way back in the mind. But there are things you can do now. You can work on emotions and awareness. You can prep for some parts of the divorce, stuff like minimizing home belongings. You can start reading up on kids + divorce.

Again, it's a transition. It's extremely uncomfortable. But it will be okay.

SuperConfused40 · 2024-03-08T15:44:16+00:00

Divorce is a rollercoaster. It is a long ride, unfortunately. You have to take it one hill at a time. You will be in a better place at the end of the ride. Trust me, no relationship is better than a bad one.

You don't need to start over. Just focus on your kids and be a good role model and father. You will have time to focus on yourself. What you enjoy or want to try.

Stay strong

Captinofthelostniggs · 2024-03-08T15:31:39+00:00

Enjoy more time with yourself and your two boys. Take time and enjoy all of your hobbies, and enjoy some younger women from time to time.

Particular_Car7127 · 2024-03-08T15:23:13+00:00

Please go see a therapist and treatment for your depression. Also planning your exit strategy and preparing for the next chapter in your life should help with your OCD.

Several-Eagle4141 · 2024-03-08T14:43:36+00:00

I’m 46 next week and am unpacking boxes right now. I stopped crying only because I just can’t cry any more

New-Amoeba9042 · 2024-03-08T14:33:56+00:00

Well, you have your kids already, you don’t’ need to ‘start’ over, just take care of your family as best you can, and find what happiness you can for yourself.

It won’t be the happy family you might have wanted, but it doesn’t have to be a terrible life

Title	Divorce at 47 with depression
Author	JimSevere0271
Upvotes	39
Comments	40
Date	March 8, 2024 2:22 PM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1b9p3vn/divorce_at_47_with_depression/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/divorce-at-47-with-depression.1426123 https://theredarchive.com/post/1426123

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