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12

New-Amoeba9042/r/Divorce_Men25/12/23 04:59 AM
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Upvotes Comment on Subreddit Date (UTC)
1

Ooh, tell about it. I was laid off the day after she said she wanted a divorce, and started a new job 3 weeks later because she had drained our bank account during her affair. It’s a people facing job as well (closing attorney) so it was damn hard to keep the proper attitude day to day. I did have one nice guy who was going through the same thing, mentioned it, said I understand l, he asked when it happened, and I said, oh, about a month ago, and he looked shocked I was here at work
/r/Divorce_Men17/03/24 08:58 PM
1

Yup, my ex being broke AF and wanting to move on with her AP ASAP got me a much better deal than I could have if she lawyered up from the word go. It was still ‘fair’ but the only time I’ve spoke to her since she left she thought I robbed her
/r/Divorce_Men17/03/24 08:55 PM
2

Ohh yeah, especially if your ex wasn’t working, the tax shift can catch you off guard. It was the same for me, $400 less a month, plus a payment plan for the 5k I lost as she refused to file with me the year she left, even though she had only worked part time for 3 months that year
/r/Divorce_Men17/03/24 06:05 PM
–

The weights don’t get lighter. You get stronger
/r/Divorce_Men17/03/24 04:43 PM
–

Oh, definitely. If flat rate they want it done with minimal fuss. They probably withdraw if it goes to trial.
/r/Divorce_Men17/03/24 04:41 AM
–

I’m an attorney, and for my age and lower I’ve worked with far more women attorneys than men. Older attorneys are mostly men, but the younger are women
/r/Divorce_Men17/03/24 03:48 AM
3

Yup. My ex hated working out, now she runs marathons. Wanted to live on a big city, now happy in mid town
/r/Divorce_Men16/03/24 05:54 PM
4

It is getting better, at least. I went from 120k to 70k, got back up to 100k this month, so can finally start paying down on this marital debt. With any luck, with 4 years I should be down to just my mortgage, and sooner if I can keep going up in money. And time makes the emotional wounds into scars, which ache, but are manageable
/r/Divorce_Men16/03/24 05:51 PM
2

I mean, I can’t see any guy who didn’t have kids saying they’d still marry their wife knowing how it would end. For me, I would have pushed back on marriage when she wanted then ended it a year later once the relationship his that point where it’s marriage or break up
/r/Divorce_Men16/03/24 05:41 PM
8

During the marriage, nothing really. Was a good wife, any ‘issues’ she had were just ‘woman’ things, and you can’t expect those not to be present. Other than the cheating and affair and lying about while draining our bank account overseas…. When we talked when she got back, she said ‘I’d rather kill myself than stay married to you’ Tells everyone she meets that I abused her Petty things like filing for divorce on our anniversary, or throwing away the flowers I sent her on the anniversary prior (…
/r/Divorce_Men16/03/24 05:30 PM
8

Could make a decent one, haha. But yeah, I’m sure you know, but what she said was all BS, it’s just the standard woman ‘now how is getting a new dick in me actually his fault’ logic
/r/Divorce_Men16/03/24 02:59 PM
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Light switch effect. It’s flipped by a new dick
/r/Divorce_Men16/03/24 02:01 PM
9

Yup, if she has no one else to go, she’ll come back, and only stay exactly as long as it takes to find a new man
/r/Divorce_Men16/03/24 12:44 PM
6

Definitely. Reading them is clear who your ex is
/r/Divorce_Men16/03/24 12:42 PM
1

No, haha. I would say I was out of these women’s league, but maybe they thought otherwise. But maybe I’m just comparing them to my ex But yes, definitely looking to see what they could get from a man on the rebound.
/r/Divorce_Men16/03/24 12:10 PM
10

Other than the whole cheating thing?
/r/Divorce_Men16/03/24 12:07 PM
–

Statistically, you’re right, especially if you don’t immediately know the reason for the divorce, she’s doing it because of another man. The ‘good’ news there is once a woman cheats, she’s 100% done with you. It means you don’t have to worry about reconciliation as not matter what she says, she will never come back. So you can have certainty on what you need to do next. Still sucks, I know. Probably will suck for awhile
/r/Divorce_Men16/03/24 05:23 AM
19

My ex cried to once over the cheating. Even offered to pay me alimony over it. Don’t worry, it won’t last. She’ll never be able to accept the evil she did, and will completely re write history in her mind. Related to that is why she can’t ever have a relationship with you. For her to let another dick inside her, she had to completely lose respect for you in her mind to justify to herself what she did. They can’t ever come back from that. Just how it goes
/r/Divorce_Men16/03/24 05:15 AM
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Lifes’s been rough, she drained the bank account having her overseas affair and I was laid off from work the day after I found out about the affair, and still haven’t gotten back to that salary. As for her, in Sept 2022 once she found guys at work to simp for her, she cut off all contact with me. Saw her one more time in April 2023 when she came by to get her stuff from the house, then zero contact until Sept 2023 when she called to meet to hand me divorce papers and tell me she was moving in wi…
/r/Divorce_Men16/03/24 05:12 AM
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No, it happened overseas in her home country (been 10 years since she has been). After her 10 week affair, she came back, wanted to get the divorce settled ASAP so she could go back and be with him. Well, turns out guys who pick up women in bars aren’t known for their fidelity l, and she eventually realized about two months after being back he was sleeping with other women. Thankfully, the world is full of simps, so she was able to get attention from the lonely IT guys she took a job being an as…
/r/Divorce_Men16/03/24 12:07 AM
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I understand the legal difficulties with proving and punishing infidelity, but the fact that such an evil act is rewarded and praised on society disgusts me on so many levels
/r/Divorce_Men15/03/24 10:05 PM
5

Definitely. There was a moment after she realized her AP was fucking other women, and before she found a new simp at work, where the guilt of what she did weighed on her. She said things like ‘I don’t deserve to do xzy thing I enjoy’ when we’re deciding on selling or keeping stuff for her in the divorce. She has since refrained that period of her life as some intense external struggle she persevered through and is now finally happen for the first time in her life. It’s almost scary, the dissonan…
/r/Divorce_Men15/03/24 10:04 PM
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Oh, definitely. If the market had kept crashing and the house was worthless, she would have never mentioned it, or said ‘I told you so’
/r/Divorce_Men15/03/24 09:58 PM
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The worst part, by and large, she asked for everything I gave her, and was thrilled with the things she didn’t. The real answer is, she went out drinking with friends while on a trip,a group of guys approached her table to hit on them, her and one friend went with them to a night club after, and they both ended up sleeping with one of the guys. The ‘pressured’ thing was just what she could come up with how somehow that was all my fault
/r/Divorce_Men15/03/24 07:48 PM
2

Sadly true, even if it’s hard for us to accept
/r/Divorce_Men15/03/24 07:40 PM
3

As far as I can tell, the fact I go to work, keep going to social events, and don’t act like a mess in public means I’m ’doing great’
/r/Divorce_Men15/03/24 07:40 PM
4

I hear that. I thought think I’ll go to my grave pining for my old life. I wish she was awful to me while married like ever read other tales of, so I could be glad she was gone, lol
/r/Divorce_Men15/03/24 07:38 PM
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Once they cheat there is no going back, no matter how much you want. It’s just how they’re wired. It’s different, so hard to understand
/r/Divorce_Men15/03/24 07:36 PM
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True for my marriage. My ex said she cheated on me because I made my life about making her happy that made her feel pressured
/r/Divorce_Men15/03/24 07:35 PM
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Affair fog is real. We bought house Feb 2022. She cheated and left April 2022. In exchange for everything we had and me taking our debt, she signed over the house. It’s been hard to keep it, but it’s gone up 65k since then if I sell it, and she walked away with about 35k in exchange
/r/Divorce_Men15/03/24 07:34 PM
2

After enough reading and first hand experience, something like that I think is at play. It’s more like they’re incredibly loyal…until a switch is flipped, and then they aren’t. And that’s what makes it so hard to understand and live with. After being cheated on, I confided in my best friend and his wife. His wife was the most avid hater of my ex’s behavior, and they had been good friends prior to this. 14 months later she would cheat on my best friend, and feel she had done nothing wrong. They a…
/r/Divorce_Men15/03/24 07:22 PM
3

100% agree. It’s usually nothing the husband did. We had wives her out themselves into situations where they could feel tingles. And once they feel the tingles, it’s over. I’ve seen this take enough times to not think there is a way around unless you have a wife who doesn’t want to put herself into those situations. Which society attacks women who think that. I agree with everyone telling me ‘they think I’m doing great’ when inside I feel utterly destroyed
/r/Divorce_Men15/03/24 04:20 PM
3

My ex said ‘I’m doing this for me, I’ll cut anyone out of my life i need to for my freedom’ So, yeah, total selfishness. But she knows, that’s why she lies about the reason and ‘cut out’ people she couldn’t lie too
/r/Divorce_Men15/03/24 03:14 PM
4

My uncle had 5. He would have had 6, but she was the one with money from her first marriage (who has money left after 5 divorces, lol) and she refused to marry him.
/r/Divorce_Men15/03/24 11:47 AM
5

Yup, the only way I e found to get these sorts to see ‘reason’ is if you catch them in the affair fog stage. Which, for various reasons, isn’t always easy to do. Often the husband is still to hurt by the sudden personality shift to move fast enough. Or he doesn’t even know the affair is going on until she’s out of the fog. Or the legal process takes too long, the fog wears off, and she’s more concerned with getting as much as possible out of you rather than concerned with you leaving her alone t…
/r/Divorce_Men15/03/24 11:42 AM
4

Yup, my ex did the same. Cheated, stole money, lied to everyone, and then compared herself to Job I kid you not
/r/Divorce_Men15/03/24 04:59 AM
3

Yup. I really hate how people say to me (38) at least you didn’t have kids with her, as if it’s a consolation. Honestly the part that makes it the worst. It’s easy for me to go get casual sex, but trying to re start a family after the financial destruction and time loss isn’t a rosy picture.
/r/Divorce_Men15/03/24 04:57 AM
1

Yeah, I went hardcore working out for about a year once the initial shock wore off, and was around 148. Eventually lost that fire, and started drinking again socially multiple times a week, so I’ve been 163 since September
/r/Divorce_Men15/03/24 12:06 AM
2

Yup. Literally hours before she cheated we were talking about the kids we were about start having and how she couldn’t wait for me to come out there and visit her family in a few weeks. Then she went out to a bar with her friends, and ended up sleeping with a rando, and our marriage was over in an instant. But she thinks it wasn’t cheating, because at some point during the night she decided she was leaving me, so it doesn’t count
/r/Divorce_Men14/03/24 09:14 PM
2

Seriously. I’m 5’11, and was overweight at 183 when my ex left. 10 weeks later, I was 127. Not from working out, just stress and not eating
/r/Divorce_Men14/03/24 08:43 PM
3

This. I see a lot of pro divorce people saying ‘kids will be die , it’s worse for them to stay in a dysfunctional family. I have a lot of friends who are children of divorce. All of them hated it and say it made them worse people
/r/Divorce_Men14/03/24 08:42 PM
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It’s funny, as they are, until the aren’t. It’s something that happens on an instant. I’ve seen more than enough (not just my ex) have a total personality shift and do something they once that horrible with total righteousness. An example, my best friend, him and his wife were the initial couple I leaned on. His wife was very supportive or and more than even me hated my wife for what she did to me. Not even 18 months later she would cheat on my best friend, and suddenly it’s not the worst thing …
/r/Divorce_Men14/03/24 08:41 PM
4

The moment I saw she went away by herself, I knew where the rest of the story was going. Sorry man. Happened to me too. I’m convinced fidelity just doesn’t survive any amount distances. I’ve seen too many people cheat whenever away for the night out of town
/r/Divorce_Men14/03/24 06:19 PM
1

Definitely. And she realizes it, as that’s not what she tells other people. But I was obviously there for our marriage, so she can tile to me. She tells other people I abused her and kept her locked in the house, where I know she quit her job without even telling me she was going too then crying saying she had too much anxiety to work
/r/Divorce_Men14/03/24 06:16 PM
3

Yup, the women who reached out were divorced with children. Not that I know many women who were never married, but that wasn’t the crowd kicking my tires
/r/Divorce_Men14/03/24 04:50 PM
3

Yup. It will hurt you ability to feel that same kind of love, but that wasn’t in the cards for us anyway
/r/Divorce_Men14/03/24 04:03 PM
4

I definitely had a few of these ‘swoop in’ once my divorce became public. Felt like they were trying to see if I had any meat left on my bones. I told them she took everything and I got laid off (partially true, but I had also gotten another job and kept the house subject to significant loans) and they stopped messaging me
/r/Divorce_Men14/03/24 04:02 PM
2

Definitely how I felt the first 3 months. It gets better. Won’t say it gets all the way back, but it definitely gets better
/r/Divorce_Men14/03/24 03:54 PM
1

Let’s just say it isn’t their personality getting them laid. They actually are losers in conversation, but they still get booty calls. They just don’t bring them out to social events
/r/Divorce_Men14/03/24 03:42 PM
3

In a similar boat, wife of 10 years left at 36, first time ever living alone. I also kept the house, and still trying to fill the hours. I’ve been thinking of selling house, but it has a 2.75% interest rate, so really would not be saving any money a month by downsizing right now. So I sit in my 2500 sqft house where I just use the master bedroom and bathroom, garage, and kitchen.
/r/Divorce_Men14/03/24 01:26 PM
3

You have plenty of time, many guys haven’t even started at that point. It sucks your first love doesn’t work out, but honestly, the earlier it life it fails the ‘better’ it is. Mine ended at 36 and I’d be so much better if it happened at 28
/r/Divorce_Men13/03/24 08:14 PM
2

Don’t see how less social media can be a bad thing
/r/Divorce_Men13/03/24 07:57 PM
3

Hey man, you already got there. This hurts, I know, but you won’t fall as far as last time and you’ll stand up sooner. But it’s a shock, I know. 12 months after my ex left, I found out she was engaged. Our divorce wasn’t finalized either. Hurt a lot, especially as she had lied/changed her mind on why we had to get a divorce
/r/Divorce_Men13/03/24 07:35 PM
3

Same here, 4 relationships, all cheated. Ex wife lasted the longest, almost 10 years. College GF shortest, she didn’t even make it 4 months
/r/Divorce_Men13/03/24 07:06 PM
3

My therapist also tried to say my ex wife was a narcissist or BPD or something. I think my ex was sadly just very ‘normal’ especially based on how so many other men have had the same exact same thing happen to them. Unless we want to say like 10% of women have BPD or something
/r/Divorce_Men13/03/24 07:05 PM
7

Yup, I’ve been accepting my role as ‘cool uncle’ in my family
/r/Divorce_Men13/03/24 07:03 PM
2

Definitely. I actually use losing a leg to gangrene as a metaphor for my divorce very often. Like, it had to happen, and im better of know with one leg than the rotting leg that was killing me, but im never going to have two legs again and I was definitely bette tiff when I had two legs that weren’t rotted
/r/Divorce_Men13/03/24 01:16 PM
4

I don’t know if there is a ‘soul mate’ type thing, but I certainly think there is a ‘one time’ thing for the kind of love you feel. And once that’s been utterly betrayed, you’ll never be able to truly feel like that again
/r/Divorce_Men13/03/24 01:06 PM
1

Hmm, not really. I’m 38, had a 10 year marriage that ended 2 years ago. Nothing serious yet, and while I wanted a family, at this point it’s not a clean fit. And I’m not really a person who gets lonely, so don’t feel a need to get married again for ‘companionship’ like my dad did
/r/Divorce_Men13/03/24 01:05 PM
2

Pretty much everything in divorce is negotiable (at least in my state) but knowing what the law says ‘should’ happen if you go to court can be a decent starting negotiating position
/r/Divorce_Men13/03/24 01:01 PM
1

Haha, yeah, I definitely had talks like that ‘hey, I know it’s been years, just heard what happened, that’s awful. So, where are you living and what are you doing for work these days?’ Also, when women I knew in the past got divorced, I had some also reach out ‘let me know’ which was also odd
/r/Divorce_Men13/03/24 12:58 PM
3

I’m not sure I ever really felt I was doing it the ‘right’ way society said, but I did focus my marriage on doing what I could so my wife could be happy. Which got her to say she cheated on me because I made my life all about her, which made her feel pressured. So getting railed and used by a rando at a bar was the solution for her, I guess
/r/Divorce_Men13/03/24 12:56 PM
3

Firstly, yeah, if you’re not over you ex, probably shouldn’t be seriously dating, and ladies are right to bow out if they’re aware of this. But as how to get over her..time helps, but honestly, ‘physical relations’ as you say will help. They’re good at destroying bonds, and weakening their hold on future ones.
/r/Divorce_Men13/03/24 12:50 PM
3

I’m not sure I’d describe it just like that, but the point that men and women love differently is very true. So much of the confusion’ husbands have here is because they think their wife feels love the same why they feel love, and it just doesn’t work like that. There is a reason divorce rates skyrocket if a husband loses his job, but not a blip if a wife does
/r/Divorce_Men13/03/24 12:48 PM
3

It’s true, whenever I’ve been really, really sick, makes me appreciate just how it is to not feel sick. So any day I feel heal to y isn’t an awful day. Also agree on ‘reconnecting’ with old friends for those of us divorced in middle age. Typically either busy with their families with no real time for anything else, or live a lifestyle a bit too far out there which is why they’re still single at this age
/r/Divorce_Men13/03/24 12:45 PM
2

Definitely agree a short guy can have success, but acting like women don’t want to sleep with a hot man just because he’s unemployed and lives with his parents has been 100% false by all of my life experience. Those guys do great, and frequently will be the kinds of men wives cheat on husbands with even
/r/Divorce_Men13/03/24 01:54 AM
–

Definitely. Showing weakness to my wife only hurt my marriage, not helped it
/r/Divorce_Men13/03/24 01:53 AM
–

Oh, that’s just step one. Step two is understanding what a woman has to do to her opinion of you to let another dick in her, and understanding that means your relationship is over forever
/r/Divorce_Men13/03/24 12:10 AM
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I can believe it. It took me months to understand the reason she changed over night is she cheated. It was literally the first thing my therapist asked two weeks after I happened, and I swore it couldn’t be that. Then when she was ‘thinking’ about it after her AP slept with (multiple) other women, I thought she wasn’t dating, when she eas out there getting railed nightly. I’ve also since been adopted into my friends wives girl night. The average man has no idea how much sex women are having out …
/r/Divorce_Men13/03/24 12:08 AM
1

Haha, did you also get women from your last coming out once your divorce went public, basically checking to see if you had any meat left in the bone? It was humorous and discouraging
/r/Divorce_Men12/03/24 09:00 PM
6

To be fair, studies do show it is a bit contagious. The couple I confided in the most post divorce ended up getting a divorce themselves
/r/Divorce_Men12/03/24 08:00 PM
2

I’ve had two anniversaries since she left. Both were rough days
/r/Divorce_Men12/03/24 05:14 PM
1

Well, wives seem to do just fine, so maybe ‘men with normal emotions’
/r/Divorce_Men12/03/24 04:54 PM
5

I definitely can relate to feeling someone’s number being like blocking them. So fee actually reach out
/r/Divorce_Men12/03/24 04:53 PM
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…no, they gets mad sex, haha. I have multiple friends fucking hate unemployed guys while holding out sex for the guys they ‘date’ because they want it to be serious’
/r/Divorce_Men12/03/24 04:43 PM
1

Ouch. Scary state
/r/Divorce_Men12/03/24 04:40 PM
6

The same reason our wives can fall out of love with us overnight is the same reason they can love so hard at the start of a relationship. Men generally take time to speed up and time to slow down
/r/Divorce_Men12/03/24 01:52 PM
1

Yup, I learned the same about dating people in the bar/dining/coffee scene. Good times, but fidelity is not their strong suite
/r/Divorce_Men12/03/24 01:39 PM
3

I definitely can’t help on reading signals, haha. I’m blind there. All four relationships I’ve been in I was asked out, and they all said they had been dropping signals I wasn’t picking up. And they say they’ve seen other women doing the same to me but I never noticed any of this
/r/Divorce_Men12/03/24 01:31 PM
2

I was mostly lucky and had friends and family be supportive. At the start anyways, by the time we hit two months after I first told them, they were done hearing about it expected me to be ‘fine’ so I just act ‘fine’ when around them. That said, the only people who took my exes ‘side’ were friends she had before we met, over 10 years ago. And even those, with two exceptions, she only associates with the ones we never spent time with while married, so she could maintain the lie that she was a poor…
/r/Divorce_Men12/03/24 01:29 PM
3

Frequently the Simps come later, after the initial fun that causes the divorce fizzle out and the fun randos starts to wane
/r/Divorce_Men12/03/24 01:20 PM
2

I definitely was helped by carrying a recorder and having cameras in thebhosieb
/r/Divorce_Men12/03/24 01:12 PM
3

They are, but only if they’re interested in you. It’s the old Rule 1, Rule 2, skit. That said, I find it funny for ‘situations I’m worried my SO will get hit on’ if you mention things like ‘gym, bars, work, hobbies etc’ they will say that doesn’t happen and you’re being insecure. But when you ask where to meet women, they suggest those very places. Oh people, don’t change
/r/Divorce_Men12/03/24 01:11 PM
–

I’m not sure what state would have Alimony for life after 10 years. Most is half the length of the marriage, so she could get 5 years
/r/Divorce_Men12/03/24 04:20 AM
3

I’ll just say no one feels like it’s a rebound, which is why it’s dangerous
/r/Divorce_Men12/03/24 12:33 AM
2

I agree with the latter part. However they leave for one reason
/r/Divorce_Men11/03/24 11:30 PM
3

The stats on ‘how often do wives say they cheated’ and ‘how many husbands say they’ve been cheated on’ don’t add up at all, haha. The latter is more than 3x the former
/r/Divorce_Men11/03/24 11:29 PM
6

No, you’re right. Affairs usually happen with co workers or ‘guy friends’. Sleeping with a rando at a bar like my ex wife did is lower….but then again, my ex did it while on a trip by herself, and imagine those types of cheating to vastly underreported
/r/Divorce_Men11/03/24 11:28 PM
3

That’s pretty much my exact timeline. I still feel like shit a lot
/r/Divorce_Men11/03/24 09:00 PM
1

Definitely agree. It’s good to come and here and realize you aren’t special, you didn’t do something wrong, it’s just something bad that happens to a lot of dudes. But we have to move past this pain and injustice, and seeing it repeated so often makes it hard
/r/Divorce_Men11/03/24 08:59 PM
5

And that’s all it really is, someone else turned her on. It’s not even that the marriage was bad, or anything you might have done. Some other guy turned her on, and that’s all it takes to end a marriage. I would heavily argue the vast majority of marriages end for the sole reason a wife got tingles from another man. All the other reasons given are their post hoc rationalization to justify why their doing something so awful over the tingles
/r/Divorce_Men11/03/24 02:10 AM
9

This. About 90% of the ‘it gets better’ posts involve a new woman who’s better than their ex. It shows why we got here in the first place
/r/Divorce_Men10/03/24 10:13 PM
7

This. Up until the cheating and overnight ending, I would of thought I had an amazing wife of 10 years
/r/Divorce_Men10/03/24 10:09 PM
8

Probably, but less often and to a lesser degree. Women have it happen to them less, don’t lose as much, and can access to replacement male attention on demand to soothe it. But most of the time, they are the ones doing this to husbands, not the other way around
/r/Divorce_Men08/03/24 07:58 PM
7

Haha, yeah. Though I think the things they want to escape from are less real than this
/r/Divorce_Men08/03/24 02:34 PM
4

Well, you have your kids already, you don’t’ need to ‘start’ over, just take care of your family as best you can, and find what happiness you can for yourself. It won’t be the happy family you might have wanted, but it doesn’t have to be a terrible life
/r/Divorce_Men08/03/24 02:33 PM
4

I see that all the time, anytime a woman says she wants to do things for her husband, she’s attacked.
/r/Divorce_Men08/03/24 01:46 PM
5

Definitely agree. I’ve never seen a divorce from the lazy husbands we shit talk in our social circle. I’ve seen many divorces from the husbands who carry everything
/r/Divorce_Men08/03/24 01:44 PM
5

They cheat on us with men who have done nothing for them. Sex has nothing to do with chores, just whatever is giving her tingles
/r/Divorce_Men08/03/24 01:43 PM
1

Pretty much my thoughts at this point. I wanted a family, but my wife tuned our divorce to pretty much age me out of that, and I can’t imagine marrying someone if we’re not going to have a family
/r/Divorce_Men08/03/24 01:40 PM
1

To be fair, there are more women who do evil to their husbands than there are women with red flags. Men’s red flags are easier to spot, but go ignored. Women’s red flags are either a small %, or a greater % they basically means ‘is a woman’ I guess my point is, while a woman if she wanted could avoid marrying a bad husband, as it’s obvious when a man is bad, a man can only lower the odds, but not even by a ton
/r/Divorce_Men08/03/24 01:38 PM
1

Faithful it literally the ‘most’ important part because you can’t have the relationship without that. Sadly, we see how modern society talks about faithfulness
/r/Divorce_Men08/03/24 01:37 PM
4

My ex also did the ‘well never divorce, well never threaten it or talk abo it’ etc. Well, we didn’t talk about it, I guess. Ove night she cheats with a rando then refuses to speak to me aftet
/r/Divorce_Men08/03/24 12:44 PM
5

Yup, I noticed this in my marriage m, and it ‘helped’ to not do chores where she could see. Like, put her in a room with headphones on watching YouTube while I did chores
/r/Divorce_Men08/03/24 04:11 AM
12

Studies have also shown it has, if anything, a negative impact on how sexual attracted wives are to their husbands, which is pretty much the most important stat for avoiding divorce.
/r/Divorce_Men08/03/24 01:04 AM
3

Doesn’t really work, as that’s basically just divorce, so you have the same fact issues. Hell, it’s probably worse
/r/Divorce_Men07/03/24 03:14 PM
2

Definitely, but while this is the worst cases, overall, 50% end in divorce, and I’m sure some percentage of the ones they stay together aren’t great. That’s over 50% failure rate, which is…it’s astounding how we as a society just accept that for something they’d literally supposed to be life longs. Like, it’s really bizarre we don’t address it at all
/r/Divorce_Men07/03/24 01:57 PM
2

Pretty much how it goes. Most of us, whether we admit it or not, got married because we understood our GFs would eventually leave us, so we got married. The kicker is we lose our GF anyways, as our wives were not the same person as a GF to us
/r/Divorce_Men07/03/24 01:55 PM
4

It’s hilarious how often I see wives complaining about chores, when in my social circle all I see is husbands doing the vast majority. It’s really like they can’t see their husbands are doing things, and the think what they’re doing is literally all that either is. And so true on the dog. I’ve seen so many women decide they just want ‘fur babies’ after marriage
/r/Divorce_Men07/03/24 01:46 PM
4

Year one of panic, hear of two stress described me perfectly, I understand. Year two ends next month, and finally feels like the cloud is lifting slightly
/r/Divorce_Men06/03/24 09:11 PM
2

Yup, it hurts, but it’s a great way to get over an ex, and you’ll get over THiS one much easier
/r/Divorce_Men06/03/24 08:39 PM
6

Ooh, that was me. Wife always dressed to the nines when we went out, and me looking wore out as hell in my worn suit. Which were decent suits and all, but definitely clear I was getting off a long day of work
/r/Divorce_Men06/03/24 08:38 PM
3

Yup, same here. If I see a ‘good woman married a bad guy’ situation I just let nature run its course. If this is a ‘he’s a great guy’ type thing I’ll try to do the same, pump him up. It saved on of my friends marriage. As for the former, we’ve had two where I literally told them the guy was a piece id crap prior to them dating, and well, here we are
/r/Divorce_Men06/03/24 05:45 PM
2

Yup, the system looks for reasons to take the husbands money. It looks for reasons to not towel the wives money
/r/Divorce_Men06/03/24 03:22 AM
8

Yup, I got that too. And I reminded her, well, while not all of it, you did ask for a lot of it. She said she had too much anxiety to work, so said it was fine, and I worked long and stressful hours to make enough money. She said she wanted to move to a bigger city, so I left said job I had made connections at to start over in a new city, which added even more stress to me. She frequently didn’t want to cook so I would cook or bring take out or drive her to restaurants after work. She didn’t wan…
/r/Divorce_Men05/03/24 11:49 PM
11

Well, I agree, but it means no, you really can’t have a nice relationship without marriage. You instead get a new relationship and keep those plate spinning until your dick stops working and you don’t mind dying alone
/r/Divorce_Men05/03/24 11:44 PM
–

The reason you get married is because she’ll leave if you don’t. The unspoken side is that’s probably going to happen anyways, and she won’t be the same GF you’re trying to keep in the interim
/r/Divorce_Men05/03/24 09:55 PM
8

They feel tingles and rewrite reality to justify why they feel them. Imagine doing that everytime some other woman made your dick stir, and you have some insight into their mind
/r/Divorce_Men05/03/24 09:54 PM
14

My ex did the same. She’s in the same city, but with two exceptions, she cut off contact with everyone she knew, got a whole new social group, new hobbies, new guy, new house, new haircut, etc. She can tell everyone her lies about how she was abused, rather than the truth she stole all our money to have a drug hazed affair with someone 8 years younger because I ‘made my life about her which made her feel pressured’
/r/Divorce_Men05/03/24 09:53 PM
3

Some work environments are ripe for cheating. I’ve done some service industry, and have had plenty of friends in it. It’s a small group of guys sleep with literally every woman there
/r/Divorce_Men05/03/24 07:15 PM
6

It’s just tingles. Pretty much all divorce comes down to tingles, and the rest is cognitive dissonance to rationalize it. That’s why it seems to never make sense and come from no where, as the real answer was ‘they were thinking with their dick’
/r/Divorce_Men05/03/24 07:14 PM
1

Yeah, I don’t ever say ‘my wife asked for divorce’ I say ‘she left’
/r/Divorce_Men05/03/24 07:10 PM
3

Yeah, my wife was so, so happy to take my name. Her father left her when she was 5, and she always hated her name. She was so proud about it. As men, we just can’t understand it. I don’t think it was some elaborate lie, just they aren’t working off the same ‘logic’ we’re running on. I think the same way they fell in love so hard and we didn’t understand why is the same why they fall out of love so hard and we don’t understand why
/r/Divorce_Men05/03/24 07:09 PM
17

I’m sure the same reason most of us do. We’re having a great time with our GFs, awesome sex, and they want to get married and we know if we don’t it’ll fizzle out and lose this awesome GF, so we ‘lock it in’ Of course, we were going to lose that GF anyway. This just delays it. And it’s easy to fall for the trap again post divorce. ‘Divorce was the best thing ever, I have a new hotter GF and sex is amazing!’ And we’re back here again
/r/Divorce_Men05/03/24 05:36 PM
2

April makes 2 years, so still paying. She drained the bank account having an overseas affair, left the day she came back, and I was laid off from work the next day, and next job I got paid 50k/yr less. I’m up 35k/yr since then, but keeping the house, plus the debt (all together 35k) from a negative money starting point had been really hard.
/r/Divorce_Men05/03/24 03:01 PM
2

Yup, if she took those credit cards out in marriage, she could go to court and argue they are marital debt and needs to be ‘split’ like the assets would be. If came into marriage, he’s in the clear. My ex came in with 14k in credit card debt, I had paid it down to 9k over 7 years of marriage, and transferred the remaining 9k to my card as part of the divorce to keep the house
/r/Divorce_Men05/03/24 02:52 PM
3

Yup, my ex is an attractive women, 34 at the time, and she had simps she had never met falling over for her within weeks of starting her ‘new life’.
/r/Divorce_Men05/03/24 02:48 PM
4

Yup. All of my friends said the same about my ex, but I learned there are infinite simps out there. It’s just up to think lady if she’s willing to settle down with one after having lots of sex with the type of guy she cheated and left the marriage over.
/r/Divorce_Men05/03/24 12:42 PM
3

I agree. Similar story. Hot smart women, no clue why she’s into me, pushes for it all, I give it all, thing dare great for almost 10 years, then goes on a trip to her home country by herself, cheats with a rando on a girls night and marriage is over. All I got was ‘I made my life all about her and she felt pressured’ for the sudden change. I’m not going to find someone ‘better’ than when things were good, and I can’t ever know the next won’t end the exact same way
/r/Divorce_Men04/03/24 09:18 PM
1

Happens more often than not when I use door dash
/r/Divorce_Men04/03/24 07:52 PM
3

Yup, my ex initially cheated with some guy 8 years younger who didn’t have a real job and and lived with him. He cheated on her, and she ended up with someone 8 years older than her whose not been taking of his body and doesn’t have a great job
/r/Divorce_Men04/03/24 07:44 PM
1

I guess I was a little better. I got her a 10k wedding ring and 1k band, she got me a 600 band. She always said she wished she got me a more expensive band, was even saying that within a month of her cheating and leaving. But we were very poor when we got married
/r/Divorce_Men04/03/24 04:29 PM
2

Been two years come April. I dated a bit back back in Sept-Dec after divorce was official, but like you, just wasn’t feeling it. To be fair, the women I went out probably had something to do with they as well. But my ex was the only women I’ve dated that I had that spark with. Made me realize the ladies I’d been with before I wasn’t that into, and helps me see now that I’m like ‘eh’
/r/Divorce_Men04/03/24 04:17 PM
3

I haven’t either. Sits in its box in a drawer in my guest room. That drawer actually has a lot of stuff, photos and what not, gifts she got me, etc, they I haven’t been willing to throw away. Stuff like baby socks she got me for my birthday, because we had finally gotten to the point we could have the family we always said we would. She cheated and left two months later
/r/Divorce_Men04/03/24 02:18 PM
6

That is literally garbage. It’s ‘I can’t even think of something to say, so I’m going to say nothing and core myself the winner’
/r/Divorce_Men03/03/24 07:24 PM
5

Yup, I like to say ‘men finish how they start’ so it’s usually obvious to even casual friend when a lady is marrying a bad choice. For men, it’s much less obvious. While some women have glaring red flags, 40% of the women out there don’t have them, which is the % that will divorce you. (I would say for us looking for marriage number 2, anyone still single at that age is basically a red flag)
/r/Divorce_Men02/03/24 06:55 PM
1

That’s why they hate making them
/r/Divorce_Men02/03/24 12:10 AM
2

Just a lie. Acting like they toward a woman will kill her attraction for you over time
/r/Divorce_Men01/03/24 11:50 PM
2

Yup, I agree. Just most women once you reach that ‘well’ stage if you don’t want to move in it’s going to fall apart
/r/Divorce_Men01/03/24 11:45 PM
1

Super fucked, but thinking back to my marriage, the times I acted more selfish or whatever were the times she got the most hit and bothered
/r/Divorce_Men01/03/24 10:11 PM
1

I mostly agree. You have to show some love, but definitely hold the majority back
/r/Divorce_Men01/03/24 09:59 PM
3

Possessed is right. I had never seen ther crazy, evil look on her eyes prior to her leaving. I don’t think women can handle being evil, so they have to do a number on their brain to avoid acknowledging they’re doing evil
/r/Divorce_Men01/03/24 08:44 PM
3

About 5 weeks after my ex left was our 7th wedding anniversary. I sent her the same bouquet of flowers I gave her when I had proposed over 7 years prior. She donated it to a church down the street.
/r/Divorce_Men01/03/24 08:42 PM
2

While I agree with all of this on why women hate it when you love them too much, it’s hard to encourage and support leaving with modern divorce laws. That works for dating someone with separate lives, not someone who’s going to take more than half your life with her. Those people are evil
/r/Divorce_Men01/03/24 08:39 PM
4

Yup. It’s why almost everything a walk away wife says is useless; the real answer is she’s doing the female equivalent of thinking with her dick, and literally, that’s all any of this sub comes down too
/r/Divorce_Men01/03/24 03:59 PM
6

And the diminishing feelings are caused by the cheating, not the other way around
/r/Divorce_Men01/03/24 03:35 PM
1

Haha, yes, that isn’t a quick question, at all. And yeah, I live (and did family law) in an equitable distribution state, and all that means is it’s basically 50/50 unless something egregious is going on, and then the Judge has the ability to deviate
/r/Divorce_Men01/03/24 03:34 PM
1

I think in general, any single women post 30 will have issues. Women are the one deciding on relationships, so they really can’t fall through the cracks like guys can. For example, I’ve have two great guy friends who essentially virgins that into their 30s. They are no the ‘fall back’ to other women in their 30s, and are amazing catches. I don’t really ever hear of the reverse
/r/Divorce_Men01/03/24 02:51 PM
7

Yup, it’s a reason why if you divorce a SAHM you can easily have her getting more of your post tax income than you do
/r/Divorce_Men01/03/24 02:14 PM
1

I understand the appeal, but you just need to also accept you won’t have another ‘serious’ relationship with the stance. Which is probably a good thing for guys like us
/r/Divorce_Men01/03/24 01:09 PM
1

Agreed. I think this yet another form of cope to make us think our divorces aren’t the disaster they were. I’ve spoken to many friends from broken homes, and none of them thought it was a great thing. And statistically, that’s all backed up. That said, we don’t have a choice and our kids need us, so we do the best we can with a bad situation
/r/Divorce_Men01/03/24 01:05 PM
1

I’ll say my wife literally said she left me because I ‘made my life all about her, and it made her feel pressured’ when I had only done things she wanted. So, in a next relationship I would be very hesitant to give the treatment you want, because my experience shows that’s literally not what is really wanted, and will burn me again.
/r/Divorce_Men01/03/24 12:49 PM
2

Yeah, while I’m 100% positive you would find proof of cheating, I’m not sure it’s helpful to see it. If she left like this, it’s what happened, and that’s enough to know. The details won’t help
/r/Divorce_Men01/03/24 12:45 PM
10

This. Women leave because of new dick, they can’t come back after new dick, because they can’t get new dick without losing respect for you, which forever kills attraction. Wish I understood this instead of simping for a year
/r/Divorce_Men01/03/24 12:43 PM
8

I don’t know about all that, or anything intentional, but lack of money increases divorce rates. Wives making more than husbands increase divorce rates. And while I haven’t seen a study on that stat, I imagine reliance on in-laws income increases divorce rates as well since in laws are frequently an issue in marriage
/r/Divorce_Men01/03/24 12:42 PM
8

Well, 10k isn’t much at all for an attorney, so at least hasn’t done much yet, so easy enough to replace
/r/Divorce_Men01/03/24 06:15 AM
3

Classic new dick situation
/r/Divorce_Men01/03/24 05:36 AM
2

It can go that way. It can also just literally end overnight. And they don’t so much fall out of love but it’s new dick. It literidbalways new dick. Nothing you did. Just new dick. We don’t like to talk about that, because women hate the truth and it makes us men feel bad. But it’s the truth
/r/Divorce_Men01/03/24 05:35 AM
1

So, you’re of the opinion don’t ask women what women want? You sound hurt, far more than anyone here. It’s ironic you think coming from that more biased perspective you have anything to offer. But, the fact your all of texted there means you won’t be able to understand that
/r/Divorce_Men01/03/24 12:30 AM
6

This. Anytime I see someone says ‘their divorce was great because they found shit new GF’ I shudder.
/r/Divorce_Men29/02/24 01:48 PM
10

Sorta. It doesn’t really heal, but scars. It still aches, and probably always will, but you’ll survive
/r/Divorce_Men28/02/24 04:14 PM
2

Better than I was, not sure if I’ll be better than before. But thats life
/r/Divorce_Men28/02/24 04:09 PM
3

Not sure ChatGPT is the best for legal work, haha. At least when I tried to use it for my job (am lawyer) it wasn’t up to snuff
/r/Divorce_Men28/02/24 01:47 PM
5

Nope, we had we had sex at midnight, slept, took her to the airport 5 hours later. Hugged, kissed, got on the plane. Two weeks later she slept with a rando at the bar, cut off contact, and didn’t tell me what was going on till she came back 10 weeks later. Wouldn’t even let me touch her shoulder then
/r/Divorce_Men28/02/24 01:46 PM
2

Hopefully, and it’s the reason France won’t let you generally do a Paternity test. They want kids taken care of, not justice for men who are cheated on
/r/Divorce_Men27/02/24 11:09 PM
1

Sometimes I think it’s just such a large % of the available population, it’s just going to happen
/r/Divorce_Men27/02/24 10:58 PM
3

100%. And I think it’s almost always the case when they say ‘I’ve been thinking about this for years’ They put themselves into high risk infidelity situations, felt tingles, and those tingles are the death of marriage
/r/Divorce_Men27/02/24 10:57 PM
1

Possibly. She said she hadn’t thought ever of divorce or cheating (which honesty does track, if this was planned, she did it in the dumbest way possible for her), but after doing it, she realized she was actually still ‘wounded’ from us having a lousy life while we were poor. Really, she went out to a club with GFs who didn’t like me because I was white, had guys do what guys do at clubs, and she went wi the it. She actually told me she was worried before she left, as she had never been away fro…
/r/Divorce_Men27/02/24 09:30 PM
3

For most men, if all they want is sex, escorts are probably cheaper.
/r/Divorce_Men27/02/24 05:51 PM
5

Sad thing is even if you were doing that, she wouldn’t accept it from you. It’s ‘boring’ coming from her husband because you’re’supposed’ too so it’s not special
/r/Divorce_Men27/02/24 05:51 PM
3

Yup, my ex I think had some BPD, and she had severe abandonment issues. Would wake up in the middle of night begging me not to leave her
/r/Divorce_Men27/02/24 05:33 PM
5

Yup, whenever I see an IG reel about ‘going to stop dating my type cuz my type isn’t working’ while I know it’s a joke, that sort of thinking gets many of us guys to end up in subs like this
/r/Divorce_Men27/02/24 05:32 PM
2

‘Good ones’ also means hot. There are guys out there who are passed over for being short or whatever, who sadly end up simping at best. I don’t think there are ‘passed over’ women out there really
/r/Divorce_Men27/02/24 05:29 PM
3

The only two guys in my social circle who had nurses for wives were cheated on, so I believe it
/r/Divorce_Men27/02/24 05:22 PM
1

Easy way to start. My ex didn’t start working out till post divorce, but she definitely let her trainer have a ride
/r/Divorce_Men27/02/24 03:55 PM
7

She is smoking hot, 10/10 for her age, 34, when this was going down. And her job was working as an office lady for an IT place, so a bunch of desperate sexless guys with disposable income around her every day. As for vile, it’s hard to say. She’s certainly be vile to me, and to a lesser extent her mother, but everyone else in life she’s been great too. She told me once she could be mean to her mom and me, because we wouldn’t hurt her or leave her, and she was nice to other people so they wouldn’…
/r/Divorce_Men27/02/24 03:32 PM
2

Yeah, I think the AP usuaalways blows up, and then they settle with a new simp whose worse than her ex, but cognitive dissonance won’t let her acknowledge that
/r/Divorce_Men27/02/24 03:29 PM
6

Yup, I’ve not noticed any Karma in life. Actually the opposite. Selfish actions means better rewards
/r/Divorce_Men27/02/24 03:25 PM
4

I’ve seen that a few times in stories here. No kids, or at least no kids for awhile, wife leaves, gets a mid 35+ pregnancy within 2 years
/r/Divorce_Men27/02/24 02:48 PM
-1

Yup, I’ve not been dating long post divorce, but I’ve quickly learned screening for kids and divorce saves a lot of time
/r/Divorce_Men27/02/24 02:45 PM
1

Yeah, most contracts have a penalty clause to compensate you if the other party breaks it.
/r/Divorce_Men27/02/24 02:44 PM
2

Eh, almost all of us here were betrayed, and I do t think any of us did anything to anyone, and we can’t even suggest otherwise
/r/Divorce_Men27/02/24 02:40 PM
6

I think it’s both nature and nurture. There are a reasons some jobs have massively higher infidelity rates. I don’t think ‘cheaters’ flock to those jobs, but that said jobs are ripe environments for cheating. And some people are way more likely by nature and past history shaking their nature to cheat than others, of course.
/r/Divorce_Men27/02/24 02:39 PM
5

Same, everything corked out really well for her. He rando in a bar was surprise, being the new rando to other women in a bar, but she was able to find a new job, new gym, new church, get an entire new social circle except for the one friend she moved in with. Have her a base to let the simps starting simping at work/church/gym while she did tinder hook ups and spent her divorce money traveling the world and sleeping more there. After about 6 months of they, she had a ‘winner’ simp chosen, and da…
/r/Divorce_Men27/02/24 02:36 PM
11

While my marriage ‘survived’ my financial difficulties, it was one of two ‘reasons’ my have for our eventual divorce. Basically, about 3 years into our 10 year relationship I lost my job and we had to move to a small town where my family was from to lick our wounds. One year there and she got very unhappy, and if she had divorced me then, I would have been a lot less shocked. We were down there for 3 years, before I got a much better job back in the city. Things got a lot better quickly, and I k…
/r/Divorce_Men27/02/24 02:14 PM
3

Even guys in this thread don’t understand actions increase infidelity. It’s not some pure ‘fate’ you have no control over. I have friends who have cheated on bachelor parties, and only then. I don’t think if they weren’t drunk with a naked girl on their lap whispering in their ear they would have cheated, and I haven’t heard of them cheating before or since, and we generally eventually learn all of our secrets of each other.
/r/Divorce_Men27/02/24 01:44 PM
0

80%, which I think helps his case? So 40% of women are like this? Which might be a bit high, but still. It’s a scary high number. And there a total population. If you’re looking for dating 30+, it’s much higher percentage
/r/Divorce_Men26/02/24 11:48 PM
1

Let me find a comment I made in this situation concerning divorced women as dangers on dating Edit: But it typically say there is a matrix with good/bad woman marrying good/bad men. And remember, it’s woman who decides if a relationship happens. Good women marrying good men is the best, but they can tell who a good guy is, and get with him early, and stay with him. If you’ve been through a divorce, there won’t be any of these women left to date usually. Bad women marrying bad men no one really c…
/r/Divorce_Men26/02/24 11:46 PM
5

It took a lot of therapy for me to accept I hadn’t done anything wrong. None of it was my fault. If I did something wrong, that’s on my power to fix next time. If I didn’t…the implication is terrifying My therapist however tried to then get me to think my ex was the exception, but I see too many men with my same story
/r/Divorce_Men26/02/24 11:45 PM
1

Definitely. We’ve all seen this story over and over. This dude is the reason she lost feelings. Wives lose feelings then find a guy, they lose feelings because of a new guy
/r/Divorce_Men26/02/24 11:43 PM
4

Really, any hands on thing. People call folks insecure, but those professions have a rate of infidelity. Guess who they’re sleeping with?
/r/Divorce_Men26/02/24 10:58 PM
5

Indeed. There is a reason it’s also a sin to sleep with a married women. And unlike your ex wife, who you have children with, there is zero reason to treat those scum as anything other than what they are
/r/Divorce_Men26/02/24 10:58 PM
22

Yup, studies have shown the vast majority of wives lose sexual interest within their husbands, starting pretty much immediately upon marriage with a significant loss by the 5 year mark. The reverse is not true. It’s just how it is Edit; when the news broke, I told everyone she had cheated, but of course got the usual smears tossed at me. The fact that wives when they leave like this is because they cheated is some taboo subject in our society
/r/Divorce_Men26/02/24 07:57 PM
2

Probably not if he wants to leave. Which generally means he’s found someone else, or at least, believes he’s in a position to pick up women somewhat regularly.
/r/Divorce_Men26/02/24 01:59 PM
1

My state, upon being served you have 30 days to file a response. This is the time you file for custody, alimony, etc. After 30 days, a court date will be set at least two weeks out. You don’t need to be served for this, so call the courthouse to check. At the court date, if you don’t show up, whatever she asked for in the complaint is granted. Frequently, folks already have everything sorted in a separation agreement, or have no assists or kids. So, only the party who filed goes to court, and th…
/r/Divorce_Men26/02/24 01:43 PM
12

This. It’s another man. If the divorce seems to come out of nowhere, or you don’t EXACTLY why it’s happening l, it’s another dude. And you can never, ever come back from another dude. It’s not possible. And it took me almost a year to understand and accept the above. I had to borrow money from friends to get the divorce filing fees. She had drained our bank having fun before saying she wanted a divorce. Almost two years later and I’m still living pay check to paycheck, but I do plan on paying my…
/r/Divorce_Men26/02/24 01:39 PM
2

Oh, yeah. Divorce rates skyrocket when the husband loses his job
/r/Divorce_Men25/02/24 06:22 PM
1

Definitely, but the thing is, ex wives already broke the cheating barrier. The first time is the only hard time. They probably learned to not leave this time after cheating, so as long as they still feel tingles, they can get their cake and eat it too.
/r/Divorce_Men25/02/24 03:36 PM
5

Definitely. But there will always be simps out there. Are significant minority of men are basically not having sex, and they will put up with way more than they should because they’re in starvation mode.
/r/Divorce_Men25/02/24 03:35 PM
2

Alimony sadly isn’t linked to kids. If there is kids, it stacks with child support to really screw you. And yeah, I was with my ex for almost 10 years and no kids. Really does feel useless. Kept pushing off because we weren’t making enough money where our ‘lifestyle’ would take a bit with kids. Finally did get that much money. We were just starting to try for kids when she cheated and left. I’m halfway convinced she has gotten pregnant and had an abortion as well
/r/Divorce_Men25/02/24 03:23 PM
8

I will just say, at the very least, everything gets worse after marriage. That’s not say marriage can’t be great, but it will never make anything better. So, your relationship needs to be in a really good spot before marriage, as you need room to fall. If there are things bothering you now, they will just get worse
/r/Divorce_Men25/02/24 02:47 PM
3

Yeah, I was able to get a HELOC to pay her off to keep the 2.75 interest rate, but got a ton of other debt from our marriage l. I could sell the house and pay it all off, it then I’m back to renting for at least 3 years, or I can keep just barely paying my bills each month but keep my sweet house on the golf course
/r/Divorce_Men25/02/24 03:35 AM
1

Keeping the house makes it hard. That’s what I did, which added a home equity line onto the debt. Combined with getting laid off the day after she left, and next job being a 40% pay cut, I’ve just been barely scrapping by for two years now. Two more years and most of it will be laid off. /‘d I’ve gone up 20% in pay, so hopefully can do another 20% to get back where I was and at 40 can ‘start over’ after a four year lost divorce recovery period
/r/Divorce_Men24/02/24 05:06 PM
2

It’s hard. It’s definitely I still have not seriously tried dating. With all the divorce fees and trying to hold onto the house, I have so really have funds for a date night every week. Most of the divorce stuff should be gone in another two years, and hopefully have a better job by then too, so we’ll see how it goes. Of course, I’m 38 now, was 36 when she left, so really bothers me what happened to my life
/r/Divorce_Men24/02/24 02:09 PM
5

My old receptionist was in her 50s, had two kids, and was well over 300 lbs. She still told me how she was cheating on her 3rd husband
/r/Divorce_Men24/02/24 02:05 PM
16

Yup, my ex did what I’m sure most do, made herself as some poor victim. Had simps falling over her at her new job, and went out on tinder and clubbing at night. Eventually a chosen simp ‘won’ and bought a house with her and they’re getting engaged. It’s been two years in April since she left
/r/Divorce_Men24/02/24 02:33 AM
23

One thing I learned from my ex is that there is an endless amount of simps out there. It’s not that women can’t find men to find them, it just depends what they have to settle for. Luckily, they already have practice cheating, so they can have their cake and eat it too
/r/Divorce_Men24/02/24 02:27 AM
2

Some have the option of trying to make it work with a cheating spouse. Men don’t. When she cheats, it’s done. Easier at least, no need to think of ‘what should I do’ as there isn’t a choice
/r/Divorce_Men23/02/24 05:23 PM
6

You don’t think about her. It’s why you go no contact and block her on everything. As best as you pretend she doesn’t exist
/r/Divorce_Men23/02/24 05:22 PM
4

Yup, I immediately lose respect when I see a woman talk about ‘controlling’ as the vast majority of time I see that to mean ‘doesn’t like me cheating on him’
/r/Divorce_Men23/02/24 01:59 PM
2

Yeah, I’m not sure we’ll ever know ‘why’ but it’s easy to see it’s a real thing. I also think the necessity to move on quickly when their man is killed for survival, sometimes to the very person who killed them, is one reason they can just move past a man so easy as well
/r/Divorce_Men23/02/24 01:55 PM
3

I doubt it was to fuck him up, it was essentially for Original Tingles from a snake. Once she did the wrong act, went into full damage control and blew his life up as well
/r/Divorce_Men23/02/24 01:54 PM
10

If it makes you feel any better, your situation isn’t uncommon. Sadly though it’s 100% over. I’ll understand if you don’t feel that way right away. It took me over a year to understand. If you can, focus on yourself and kids, and treat her like what she is, an evil person who did more harm to you than everyone else in your life combined ever has or will. Then act accordingly. If you can’t, it’s okay. It’s an awful thing. It’ll be bad for awhile, but it’ll get better than it is now
/r/Divorce_Men23/02/24 03:07 AM
5

In short, yes, they do believe their lies
/r/Divorce_Men22/02/24 09:23 PM
2

Yup, I was basically doing husband things for over 2 months afterwards. I wish I hadn’t, and just blocked everything after she cheated, as it was over from that very moment
/r/Divorce_Men22/02/24 08:13 PM
2

Definitely. My ex actually felt some shame right after I confronted her. About two weeks when I pushed her to talk about, that all he reasons were BS, and she’s just doing this because she’s had her brain fried by an assholes dick, she broke down crying, begged me not tell anyone, said she’d pay ME alimony, etc. That wore off within a month (said asshole sleeping with other women might have had something to do with it) and she became proud of her cheating and wanted everything she could get from…
/r/Divorce_Men22/02/24 02:13 PM
3

Yup, my best friend was cheated on by the ‘he’s just a friend’ in their own bed, they went on a ‘break’ he slept with a bunch of women for a few weeks at cheating gf’s behest to ‘make it even’ they got back together and got engaged at same time. 10 years later, he’s recent divorced as she cheated on him. Happened about 6 months after my wife did. Was probably more than that
/r/Divorce_Men22/02/24 02:12 PM
3

This. What a cheater tells you will always just be the tip of the iceberg. My ex literally in minutes kept walking it back as I had ‘receipts’ going back over a month, and she was ‘just a friend, just went to talk, just one time, just last week, just at start of month, you’ve been spying on me!’ (All info collected from APs public IG, lol
/r/Divorce_Men22/02/24 02:08 PM
2

Yup, the studies have shown that women will overwhelmingly lose attraction to their husbands, regardless of their husbands actions. While some things can certainly accelerate that process, there doesn’t seem to be a way to prevent it. Note, the reverse was not found to be true
/r/Divorce_Men22/02/24 02:01 PM
2

Yup, it was similar for me. In fact, I like a lot of guys here, my wife wasn’t awful during marriage either. She was ‘worse’ than when we were dating, but still good to be with. But that doesn’t matter, once she gets the tingles for another guy, it’s over, no matter how great it was
/r/Divorce_Men22/02/24 01:48 PM
1

I’d agree. There are some red flags, but there are many more women who will divorce than there are women showing those red flags.
/r/Divorce_Men22/02/24 01:47 PM
3

This is sadly what o think. This sub happens to too many men for it to be something easy to vett for. It’s just normal women, doing normal women things
/r/Divorce_Men22/02/24 01:43 PM
1

I’d agree; from comparisons to last relationship and my recent foray into online dating, if a woman isn’t DTF from the start, she’s not into you, and trying to force a relationship there is setting yourself up for disaster down the road
/r/Divorce_Men22/02/24 01:42 PM
2

Because we’ve all been there, men, for decades, in your exact situation. The behavior you describe? It’s what a cheating spouse does. ‘Coincidences’ means if you had a means of checking, you would find your solid proof if you wanted to look. I don’t really get the embarrassment, unless it’s a cultural thing, or you everyone told you she was a ho and you went full steam ahead anyways. Here in the US, your story happens to a good 34-40% of men who get married.
/r/Divorce_Men22/02/24 02:40 AM
1

Yup, coming to terms with I didn’t do anything wrong was what most of my therapy was about. If I had messed up, I could fix it for next time. If I did nothing wrong, and my wife had no pre marriage warning signs (that aren’t shown by all women) well…that’s just depressing and hopeless
/r/Divorce_Men21/02/24 08:25 PM
2

Agree, I don’t mean NMG is bad advice, just it, it won’t fix the fundamental issue with a marriage to a woman, but will help you be in a better spot when the inevitable comes. And might push that to come sooner than later, and I really wish my divorce happened after 5 years than 10. And my ex definitely didn’t like me establishing boundaries as well. In fact, most everyone in life I’ve met had had a very negative reaction to that.
/r/Divorce_Men21/02/24 08:23 PM
3

Yup, the harder twonthings I see for husbands here, and my own situation is: 1) She cheated. Yes, she did. I know you think she’s just having a mental breakdown or something. But no, it’s just they she cheated. 2) once she cheats it’s over, it’s how it works. She can’t cheat without also losing all attraction to you, just how it goes
/r/Divorce_Men21/02/24 04:56 PM
6

Reading Chumplady is interesting, shows a real difference in the behavior behind cheating men and cheating women. Not sure what’s worse
/r/Divorce_Men21/02/24 04:50 PM
0

Yup, the hardest thing for me to accept is that I literally did nothing wrong, and women are able to change overnight so you’re always taking a risk you have no control over they you’re getting the 25%+ who will asplode
/r/Divorce_Men21/02/24 04:46 PM
3

Yup, there is a difference between someone who wants to go on a trip to the mountains on the fall, the beach in the summer, and maybe overseas every few years and the person who gets back from overseas and is talking about going back soon
/r/Divorce_Men21/02/24 03:58 PM
5

I have never, even with time as a family law attorney, seen a wife admit it was her fault. I have personal and professional knowledge on many cases, and the majority of those, it was indeed the wives fault. I’ve seen husbands admit fault, even when it wasn’t their fault from same knowledge
/r/Divorce_Men21/02/24 03:38 PM
2

This. And she is OVERWHELMINGLY leaving due to a new dick. That’s why it’s so over. You can 100% plan with certainty that it’s over, and you owe her nothing, so just do literally what’s best for you and don’t care how it affects her
/r/Divorce_Men21/02/24 03:34 PM
3

Same exact spot. Met at 26, she left at 36, right when were about to finally start a family we kept pushing off due to finances. 38 soon, and yeah, by the time I’m ready o meet someone else and have kids, I’ll be 40+, so they dream is pretty dead. Would have loved if she pulled this cheating crap 5 years sooner
/r/Divorce_Men21/02/24 03:27 PM
4

Younger is better when it comes to divorce. Yes she cheated. She is a bad person for doing that. Particularly to you. It’s hard to accept this, I know. Took me a year Don’t give her anything unless it benefits you. She’s literally doing the worst thing to you that likely anyone ever has or will. If you give her something, it’s because you get something of equal or greater value in return.
/r/Divorce_Men21/02/24 03:26 PM
1

It’s a touchy subjext here, but there is a reason it’s sin to sleep with a married women. They best pray their is nothing to pray too
/r/Divorce_Men21/02/24 02:32 PM
1

That last lie describes many of my social circle relationships. Not all, of course, some (seem) great. But the majority is with a wife who co trick’s everything, and the minority is where the husband has basically broken their wife
/r/Divorce_Men21/02/24 02:31 PM
3

I will say if you put her in place, that would have been the issue. Which is my issue with NMMG. It pretends there is a ‘solution’ to it, but there isn’t really. It’s just nature, and you can only understand and make minimal investments
/r/Divorce_Men21/02/24 02:27 PM
3

Exactly, it didn’t matter what I did, but at least if I had ‘neglected’ her I would have been in a better position when she left.
/r/Divorce_Men21/02/24 02:14 PM
2

100% agree. Men finish how they start, and in my personal life, all the women with lousy husbands? We knew they before they even got married and weren’t surprised. So men do bad things, but the men who do it’s not a surprise Women are much harder to tell, and flip a switch and burn their life to the ground. Maybe some evolution thing, I dunno
/r/Divorce_Men21/02/24 02:08 PM
3

Read it years ago, actually, haha. And yeah, it’s insidious how it happens, as it wasn’t likely wife was throwing a fit or anything to get me to do stuff for her. I just was always a bit of ‘steady’ guy who didn’t feel the highs and lows, but loved how seeing her feel those highs, and hated seeing her feel those lows
/r/Divorce_Men21/02/24 02:05 PM
4

Never? I’m pretty sure most of us here hate that guy, haha. But it typically say there is a matrix with good/bad woman marrying good/bad men. And remember, it’s woman who decides if a relationship happens. Good women marrying good men is the best, but they can tell who a good guy is, and get with him early, and stay with him. If you’ve been through a divorce, there won’t be any of these women left to date usually. Bad women marrying bad men no one really cares about, as well, folks can see that …
/r/Divorce_Men21/02/24 02:04 PM
4

Read up light switch effect. Some guy here has a copy pasta on it. But yea, women will rewrite history in their mind and 100% believe it. It’s necessary for them to enjoy new dick without feeling guilty, which really bothers them. And when they leave, it’s because new dick
/r/Divorce_Men21/02/24 01:58 PM
1

Honestly l, spent over a year picking apart what I could have done wrong, but the real answer was like you said. I was a great husband, and did nothing wrong. So I can believe others when they say the same. And you know what? That’s harder to accept than I messed up. It’s easy to say ‘this horrible thing happened because I didn’t do enough’ It’s much harder to realize there was nothing you could do
/r/Divorce_Men21/02/24 01:56 PM
0

The thing is, the studies that show wives lose attraction don’t show that really stopping it either. But! It will leave you, the man, in a much better spot when nature runs its course
/r/Divorce_Men21/02/24 01:55 PM
2

Going broke is all the straw they need.
/r/Divorce_Men21/02/24 01:53 PM
1

Easy to do, haha. While I’d say less than half of women are the ‘wrong one’ it’s more than a quarter
/r/Divorce_Men21/02/24 01:53 PM
2

This is the only real answer. You have to have a wife who avoids putting herself into situations where she can feel tingles for other guys. It’s a biological response, and the more she exposes herself too it, the more chance of it happening, and once it does, the marriage is over
/r/Divorce_Men21/02/24 01:52 PM
13

My ex said she cheated on because ‘I made my entire life about her, and she felt pressured’ So, I shouldn’t have done everything she wanted. I’m sure she would have still cheated still, and said ‘you never focus on me and I felt neglected’ instead, but at the least I would have personally not been so worn down during the marriage, and had more money
/r/Divorce_Men21/02/24 01:50 PM
1

Both, really. Went out to a bar with her GFs, group of guys goes over to hit on them, she leaves the bar with one GF to go to a night club with the guys afterwards, and then goes to a motel afterwards to have sex. Her GFs all tell her she’s making a good decision, and she should just stay here with them (she tracked to visit her childhood friends she hasn’t seen in 10 years).
/r/Divorce_Men21/02/24 01:45 PM
2

Well, over half of marriages end on divorce, and 4/5 times the wife files. There probably isn’t even that many super hot sexy women getting married, so the type of woman who can do this to a family is very broad. That said, I married a 9/10, who dropped out of college, was a great cook, and we had an amazing sex life, and she hated spending time out. Took one girls trip after 10 years for it all to end. I’m not sure you’re ever safe
/r/Divorce_Men21/02/24 12:27 PM
6

After having an ex who loved to travel, it’s a definite red flag to me anyone who ‘loves to travel’
/r/Divorce_Men21/02/24 12:23 PM
3

No kids, but I’ve definitely considered it. My ex was supposed to move to be with her AP, but he broke it off with her so she’s living some other guy 15 min away. Friends who are here honestly I don’t feel good driving home anytime after hanging out with them, and we were together here dor 10 years so the whole town is soaked in painful memories. I’ve started applying g to jobs in state that pay enough to warrant selling the house I fought to keep in the divorce, so might do it within a few mont…
/r/Divorce_Men21/02/24 02:06 AM
2

Depends, but also doesn’t do much even if you challenge but have them serve you again. My ex filed in July, didn’t serve until December. She had an attorney when she served, but not when she filed, and she hasn’t talked to me since April. I think she didn’t realize she had to do more than just file at the court house
/r/Divorce_Men21/02/24 02:03 AM
3

Definitely. There hasn’t been any study I’ve seen showing a way to keep women from losing their tingles. They will make up some reason to justify it, but that’s the real reason
/r/Divorce_Men20/02/24 07:30 PM
3

As someone who did take the counter offer, you’re spot on. Basically led to them just keeping me around until they could end it on their terms, not mine, and the jobs weren’t as good out there when they did it
/r/Divorce_Men20/02/24 06:12 PM
2

I mean, it is, haha. It’s the exact sort of cope I despise to pretend otherwise. Note, worse off than if she hadn’t cheated on a girls trip. Definitely better that she’s gone after that happened, but, like the metaphors states, I didn’t have a choice in that and accepting it had to be done was the hard part
/r/Divorce_Men20/02/24 06:10 PM
2

Oh. Mine did too; once they get that first taste of new dick, they’re addicted. No one is as horny as a recently separated wife
/r/Divorce_Men20/02/24 06:08 PM
3

I meant the pressured part, haha. When it was what you said, women just get turned off by getting everything they ask for it
/r/Divorce_Men20/02/24 03:14 PM
3

I had to accept that she slept with a rando, and once she did, she lost all feelings for me and was addicted to new dicks, and was never going to be the same woman again. It took over a year for that obvious truth to sink in. I liken it to once she cheated, it was like a bullet hit my leg and it immediately developed gangre. There was no way of curing it, it had to be amputated, but I kept waiving away cutting it off for years hoping it could at least be healthy enough to stay attached, even if …
/r/Divorce_Men20/02/24 02:16 PM
9

100%. The last thing my ex said before she blocked me in everything was ‘You know why I cheated on you? You made your whole life about me and it made me feel pressured!’ Which is BS for numerous reasons, but just shows the thought process we deal with
/r/Divorce_Men20/02/24 02:13 PM
9

It really is a ‘blessing’ having it happen early. I was with my ex for 10 years, she left when I was 36 and it’s really wrecked me at a crucial time for having a family. If even 5 years ago, feel a lot better. Turning 38 soon, and just starting to get past the shitshow, so getting a bit late in the day for the old dream
/r/Divorce_Men20/02/24 02:10 PM
4

Becoming a dick helps avoid this in the future, sadly. You can bet the guy she’s cheating on with you is a dick, at least. He’s an awful human as well
/r/Divorce_Men20/02/24 02:03 PM
2

Yup. It’s not unique behavior sadly. I’d say less than half but more than a quarter
/r/Divorce_Men20/02/24 02:02 PM
6

This. Both posts. She’s been cheating and she’s an awful person. Hard to accept, but necessary
/r/Divorce_Men20/02/24 02:00 PM
7

It’s probably not BPD, the ‘hot to cold’ overnight means ‘new dick’. It could be both new dick and BPD, but I think we ‘cope’ a lot here thinking our wife had some disorder when it was just the much more likely thing of they got tingles for another dude, which kills the marriage on the spot
/r/Divorce_Men20/02/24 02:00 PM
6

This is harsh, but 100% true. ‘Lost feelings’ means ‘I’m getting dicked my another dude’ It’s really hard for us to accept this, but you have too to move on.
/r/Divorce_Men20/02/24 01:58 PM
4

Definitely go. Worst case, you sit in a hotel room and be miserable, same as you might do at home.
/r/Divorce_Men14/02/24 08:03 PM
1

Been much more common for me to see. Money matters, and divorce has a way of ruining that. I think some of those guys get stuck on their ex because the lack of funds due to said ex leaving them has made it hard to find a woman to replace them
/r/Divorce_Men13/02/24 03:22 PM
6

I always worry when I see guys here posting about ‘divorce was best thing ever, with a younger hotter women, sex all the time now!’ And it hasn’t been 2 years with them. It’s like…that’s how we all got here in the first place, haha
/r/Divorce_Men12/02/24 11:21 PM
7

I can’t imagine staying friends with my ex after the evil she did. It would feel abusive someone advocating or that. A heinous act
/r/Divorce_Men12/02/24 11:14 PM
4

If it’s a state with alienation of affection laws, go for it
/r/Divorce_Men12/02/24 07:56 PM
5

They 100% do. It’s literally a sin for a reason. They’re both, at least, equal pieces of garbage and it’s a shame society no longer punishes such behavior
/r/Divorce_Men12/02/24 07:56 PM
2

Working with women who don’t ise a filter around you is eye opening and terrifying. The way they think is…it’s scary
/r/Divorce_Men12/02/24 07:48 PM
1

Depending on the state, you can press charges against him, but it’s a very low success rate
/r/Divorce_Men12/02/24 05:06 PM
4

Her AP was posting it on his social media. Who, before she kicked me off and made her IG private, was added the same day she cheated. It wasn’t the first person she had added on her trip, but his IG was just your usual fuck boy profile, so I had suspicions
/r/Divorce_Men11/02/24 07:15 PM
1

So true. No woman is as thirsty as recent divorcee/seperated women. Which is something guys in our situation here need to understand as well
/r/Divorce_Men11/02/24 03:23 PM
1

It really. It’s strange because they’re proud of the behavior itself, especially when talking amongst friends, but they get triggered so easily by it. I think they know instinctually it’s not good
/r/Divorce_Men11/02/24 03:19 PM
4

You joke, but I think that’s the scary part. I get told my ex was a covert narcissist as well, but I think it’s just too common behavior to act like it’s something ‘special’
/r/Divorce_Men11/02/24 03:17 PM
1

Yup, apeakin badly is just as bad. Being in their mind is the issue. The only real ‘solution’ is having a women who lives her life in a way that minimizes exposure to tingles, which cell phones have made quite a challenge
/r/Divorce_Men11/02/24 02:56 PM
4

For me too. It took me two months before I worked up the nerve to go looking in depth to find out she was cheating, and didn’t actually need ‘time to think’ but just more dick
/r/Divorce_Men11/02/24 02:54 PM
1

My experience is usually the other way. Most women love the cities. I e heard tons of men with nice comfortable lives outside the city who end up having to move into the cities to appease their women. I was one of them
/r/Divorce_Men11/02/24 02:53 PM
3

This, so many things in life follow that logic. Like, as a prosecutor, I will tell someone a story of something dumb a criminal did. People always go ‘oh, if they had done x, they would not have been caught, why did they not do that?’ And the answer is, ‘if they were the sort of person who could think things through like that, they wouldn’t be a criminal in the first place’ Another is ‘if someone can be convinced by a logical argument, they probably wouldn’t need to be convinced in the first pla…
/r/Divorce_Men11/02/24 02:51 PM
3

I see a lot of folks who ‘get over’ their divorce talking about the new young women they’re having sex with, whose so much better than their ex, so divorce was great cuz it let them meet her. They seem to forget that their ex was probably great at the start too. It really feels like a cope to me. We really don’t want to acknowledge the permanent damage and no upside it ended up being, so we think it was just this woman, and marriage will be great the 2nd time. Even though the dating market gets …
/r/Divorce_Men11/02/24 02:48 PM
1

Don’t think it’s really a lawyer thing there, haha. Those stats are well known, just something about society really makes us not think about it till it’s too late
/r/Divorce_Men11/02/24 02:45 PM
2

As a lawyer, I hate us too. But the court really doesn’t respect non-lawyers, so if you’re going there, you’ll need one
/r/Divorce_Men11/02/24 05:29 AM
13

She’s found new dick. That’s hard to accept, it true. Also means you can’t work it out.
/r/Divorce_Men11/02/24 05:27 AM
7

Women weirdly enough are less likely to divorce when their husbands cheat than when the cheat themselves, significantly so. But…it won’t be easy to comeback from or she wants to try. I don’t know why you’re cheating, so hard to say what it’s the best
/r/Divorce_Men11/02/24 05:10 AM
1

Yes, so much of divorce happens, it’s just uh, part of nature, rather than some horrible event that befall all of us
/r/Divorce_Men10/02/24 11:40 PM
2

It’s certainly a thing one could do
/r/Divorce_Men10/02/24 11:37 PM
3

Has that ever worked for a guy, haha? I see lots of guys say that, but it seems another way of saying ‘I’m just going to date short term’ as I can’t imagine a woman ever accepting that
/r/Divorce_Men10/02/24 10:13 PM
7

It’s amazing how women ‘find themselves’ in strange dicks.
/r/Divorce_Men10/02/24 10:06 PM
6

Yup, the only time she ever cracked a bit was that brief time between her affair partner cheating on her, and before she secured another guy. She was still having sex with men off tinder between, and not telling that, of course. So, if you see something looking like an apology, it’s just because they need something
/r/Divorce_Men10/02/24 10:05 PM
2

It’s real hard for women to have sex and not catch feelings, real hard to keep that up
/r/Divorce_Men10/02/24 06:10 PM
3

I’d estimate at least 60% of divorces are due to New Dick Syndrome (NDS). (Saw this used here before, haha)
/r/Divorce_Men10/02/24 03:01 PM
17

This is true. As for me, my ex in our last conversation said ‘did you want me to say I’m sorry?’ And I asked her ‘do you think you did any wrong?’ And she said ‘no’ (she had a 10 week affair overseas, spending our entire bank account, while lying to me)
/r/Divorce_Men10/02/24 07:49 AM
4

First marriage, second+ have about 50% higher divorce rate, which makes sense
/r/Divorce_Men10/02/24 07:16 AM
13

Yup, the affair fog is the best time to get an agreement signed as they want you to just go away to ride the Dicks they left for
/r/Divorce_Men10/02/24 06:04 AM
6

Well, divorce rate lifetime is only 50%, so half of them make it to the finish line.
/r/Divorce_Men10/02/24 04:14 AM
3

They know, at the least. I’m guessing most just don’t care, and don’t ask, they just what they need too so she doesn’t raise her tingles and they can get their dick wet. Some actually get off on it. Either way, it’s just as much a sin for them.
/r/Divorce_Men10/02/24 04:13 AM
2

I mean, it makes sense the dating market is going be extra lousy when you’re older, haha
/r/Divorce_Men09/02/24 11:55 PM
2

Sorry man, sucks. Even if it what you had to do
/r/Divorce_Men09/02/24 11:47 PM
2

Who are overwhelmed by the whores he ended them
/r/Divorce_Men09/02/24 10:38 PM
6

Yup, I was told that. Never got on it, and glad I didn’t once I came out the other side
/r/Divorce_Men09/02/24 10:37 PM
1

I feel ya, last time is saw my ex before getting served she had said ‘she’s think about it’ Got a sheriff at my door instead, so I guess she thought about it, but didn’t feel a need to tell me, haha
/r/Divorce_Men09/02/24 10:36 PM
0

Yup, just wish I had more and they weren’t mostly wasted, haha
/r/Divorce_Men09/02/24 09:57 PM
2

Agreed. What my therapist had to drill in after we combed over my marriage and what happened was I didn’t do anything wrong. That was hard to accept. If I had done something wrong, I could work on it.
/r/Divorce_Men09/02/24 09:51 PM
4

Unless she was cheating, literally even Jesus agrees there, haha
/r/Divorce_Men09/02/24 09:50 PM
0

Definitely, 38 now and would feel heaps better about my situation if I was 31, haha
/r/Divorce_Men09/02/24 09:48 PM
5

Difference for men it’s making the best of a bad situation l, for wives it’s causing said bad situation
/r/Divorce_Men09/02/24 09:47 PM
2

If it makes you feel better, you’re still young, there ages it’s Bette to be divorced, younger and older. Take some time, probably by the time time you’re in your 30s you’ll be ready to roll
/r/Divorce_Men09/02/24 09:46 PM
3

My ex wife didn’t, never really bothered me, but hey, some people are more sensitive
/r/Divorce_Men09/02/24 09:44 PM
15

I mean, yeah you leave a man because you want to get fucked by a different man. Glad we agree.
/r/Divorce_Men09/02/24 09:43 PM
10

The pain of the betrayal doesn’t really get better, but you get used to living in that dark space, so you manage it better. Still the same crap, but we’re humans, we adapt to crap
/r/Divorce_Men09/02/24 08:45 PM
12

It is usually about a new D
/r/Divorce_Men09/02/24 08:21 PM
8

Two years is a long time, but I certainly felt that way for more than a year. Time, really. He’ll probably never be better than he was, but should get better than he is
/r/Divorce_Men09/02/24 08:20 PM
14

Because it’s almost always the case, and the ‘Choreplay’ is almost always used as an excuse. We don’t know enough about this situation, so the default assumption would be the most likely one
/r/Divorce_Men09/02/24 08:18 PM
3

I get the one wink away from devastation, as my ‘happy marriage’ of 9 years didn’t have any skeletons in our closet, but one girl’s vacation and it was all over in a single night.
/r/Divorce_Men09/02/24 08:16 PM
3

Yeah, mine took our cats we got together
/r/Divorce_Men09/02/24 07:10 PM
4

What honestly bothers me is, I see lots of my friends relationships that are -worse- than what my ex and I had, but mine was the one that ended suddenly. It caught everyone off guard, and no one expected it. The other friend who got divorced after me, we had been taking bets on when the would happen. I guess it makes me feel bad that even a ‘good’ relationship isn’t safe from tingles
/r/Divorce_Men09/02/24 05:40 PM
12

Yup, and it’s the other guy is the WHY they move on in the first place. So, it’s not like she fell out of love, separated l, and met him the next day, the New Guy is the reason her feelings changed
/r/Divorce_Men09/02/24 04:35 PM
2

Not that she wouldn’t hurt you, but it wouldn’t be the cause. ‘Evil’ isn’t related to the mental illness. Plenty of people suffer every day with mental illness, and they don’t harm others, especially their loved ones
/r/Divorce_Men09/02/24 02:10 PM
0

It took my therapist awhile to to get through to me that mentally ill people don’t hurt other people due to their mental illness
/r/Divorce_Men09/02/24 02:05 PM
3

That gives her an easier path than nothing, but still would take her some effort. And it wouldn’t catch you off guard, but if she took it to court, the Judge would give you a date
/r/Divorce_Men09/02/24 01:55 PM
2

No, it’s awful. If you lie and sell someone something fraudulent, hey, that’s a crime, follows you around. If you lie and get someone to commit they’re life to you and use and destroy it, hey, women deserve happiness or whatever
/r/Divorce_Men09/02/24 01:52 PM
3

I’m a prosecutor, and plenty of crimes I’ve prosecuted are far less harmful to the victims than adultery. It’s really weird how, especially for women, adultery is never ‘bad’ and is often even celebrated. As for turning into monsters? It happens so often it’s not is marrying evil people, it’s just human nature expressed on a significant portion of the population
/r/Divorce_Men09/02/24 01:05 PM
5

Yup, mine too. It wasn’t even her AP, she found within weeks he was sleeping with multiple women, so she broke up with him, and her solution was to just start banging tons of men
/r/Divorce_Men09/02/24 01:00 PM
1

Cheaters, at least. And the majority of divorces involve cheaters
/r/Divorce_Men09/02/24 04:56 AM
2

‘Approving the divorce settlement’ did you have a Separation Agreement signed as well, or is this all just verbal?
/r/Divorce_Men09/02/24 04:54 AM
0

She gave up due to the other guy, if that’s a mystery. Honestly, sex with other women will make you get over her the fastest. It’s how she got over your marriage so fast. At this point, you’re damaged anyways, so don’t worry about what being a ho will do to you. Just don’t do anything serious, just keep it casual no matter what, else you’ll be right back here in a few years
/r/Divorce_Men09/02/24 04:21 AM
2

Are you officially divorced? If so, did a Judge get involved? If not, she go pursue a partition action, which most attorneys typically say are more trouble than their worth are an absolute last resort l, but she has the option if she feels you’ll keep stallling forever
/r/Divorce_Men09/02/24 04:19 AM
3

Yup, I knew the night it happened when she didn’t text back something had happened, though I was in denial. I asked her straight out, and she denied it and got angry with me that I would ask her. Well, did digging later and found proof, which she kept trying to trickle truth but I had lots of proof. She to this day doesn’t feel she did anything wrong, and it ‘didn’t count as cheating’ as sometime between telling me I love you and fucking a guy 6 hours later she decided she was going to leave me
/r/Divorce_Men08/02/24 09:24 PM
3

It’s a very real thing, haha
/r/Divorce_Men08/02/24 06:33 PM
8

Well, my ex deleted them about 2 months after her affair started
/r/Divorce_Men08/02/24 06:20 PM
2

Pretty much what I did. I didn’t delete it all, but I moved it all onto a flash drive. Same with most of the sentimental stuff, it’s all in a box with a lock in a closest
/r/Divorce_Men08/02/24 06:19 PM
5

Agreed, the reason I exes moved on so fast? They were fucking someone as soon as or before they left. It’s how are brains are wired, sex with others damaged are ability to form relationships, so it will definitely help you get over it. Just have to make sure not to get into a serious relationship during this phase.
/r/Divorce_Men08/02/24 03:51 PM
7

Makes sense, my ex said she cut off contact with me as ‘she always sound like she was a bad person’ whenever we talked. Easier for her to live her lie without uncomfortable truth
/r/Divorce_Men08/02/24 03:48 PM
9

Oh yeah. I’ve always said it’s the worst thing that’s ever happened to me, even if you combine everything else in my life, and it was done to me by the person who was supposed to be my biggest love. Quite a whiplash
/r/Divorce_Men08/02/24 03:47 PM
16

Why is the divorce moving so fast? Typically it’s because our exes are getting new dick and want to complete the move as soon as possible
/r/Divorce_Men08/02/24 03:31 PM
8

I think if the gray rocking is successful, you’re not angry. But really, it’s a situation that is unfair, done to you by the person who should least have done so, and you can do literally nothing about it. Trying to ignore it all is about the best you can do
/r/Divorce_Men08/02/24 03:30 PM
2

It can definitely happen, but I’ve learned women are driven by tingles, and tingles can come from a fantasy of a neighbor they see while going for walks, or tingles can come from a cute guy hitting on them at the bar. No way of getting around but having a woman who doesn’t want to put herself into tingle situations
/r/Divorce_Men08/02/24 03:21 PM
2

I think they way over exaggerated that. Or, they can form feelings at the same speed they lose, ie instantaneously. My ex cheated with a rando at a bar, who she had never met before on a girls trip.
/r/Divorce_Men08/02/24 03:17 PM
2

Yup, it’s something I try here to drill into the ‘freshmen’ as I made that mistake thinking you can save a marriage when a wife strays. Because you can when a man does, if the wife is willing, so we think it works in the reverse. It does not
/r/Divorce_Men08/02/24 03:05 PM
2

Yup. There are some great women out there. But because they’re great, they both choose good men (aren’t attracted to obvious red flags, guy red flags are obvious) and aren’t leaving said good men because they got tingles when a guy hit on them. So, coming out of a divorce later in life…there really isn’t many (if any) of those women left.
/r/Divorce_Men08/02/24 02:43 PM
2

Me too man, me too. I went full into self sacrifice, save marriage mode, when it was her being evil, and it didn’t matter, as while it ended overnight m, it well, ended, that moment she slept with a rando on a girls night, no matter what I did
/r/Divorce_Men08/02/24 02:30 PM
2

The hardest thing is accepting it’s over the moment she sleeps with another man, and realizing YOU need to go fast and get that separation aggreement signed while she’s in the affair fog. As once that wears off, she’ll come for every penny
/r/Divorce_Men08/02/24 01:56 PM
2

For me, I would say I miss my ex, but the moment she slept with another man she stopped being my ex, so it doesn’t matter if I want her back, that woman doesn’t exist anymore. It took me a long to accept that, as it doesn’t work like that for guys
/r/Divorce_Men08/02/24 01:40 PM
3

It cost me 5k to file single since she didn’t work until after she left, and even, only part time for two months. She just refused to file with me, even when I said we could have the rebate go directly to her account
/r/Divorce_Men08/02/24 12:43 PM
1

Digging? This is just what I learned when she handed me the papers, and that was almost 6 months ago. Prior to that, it had been 5 months since I heard anything about her. I mean, I guess I shouldn’t have agreed to meet her when she asked, in hindsight, make her pay to serve me rather than me spending time to pick them up. Last time she reached out prior was due to needing help, so the lack of contact I just assume it’s still going well
/r/Divorce_Men08/02/24 02:57 AM
3

Yup, it definitely seems to have some connection to a waning of looks and wanting to ‘use them’ before they ‘lose them’
/r/Divorce_Men08/02/24 01:32 AM
5

100%. And for the vast majority of wives leaving, that is the one and only reason
/r/Divorce_Men07/02/24 09:44 PM
4

Yup, chores aren’t the issue, what is the issue they can’t talk about, so chores are used instead
/r/Divorce_Men07/02/24 09:30 PM
2

Eh, not entirely. But it makes it harder to effectively do anything, even if there was anything to do, as leverage is gone. Like, pre divorce, could go petition for equitable distribution, and I’d have to prove our separation agreement barred that, she says I broke it due to talking, etc. messy Post divorce, not much she can do, she could try and get a court to enforce it, but enforce it on what?
/r/Divorce_Men07/02/24 09:28 PM
5

Yup, i enjoyed my marriage up until its overnight sudden end. But yes, I’m better now than that day it all ended, but not better than I was before
/r/Divorce_Men07/02/24 09:19 PM
1

Yup, I agree. But, she wanted it in there and I didn’t care, so I included it in our separation agreement. I didn’t tell anyone until after the divorce
/r/Divorce_Men07/02/24 09:18 PM
2

There is about as much evidence on it as there is for Herero couples, which is, not much
/r/Divorce_Men07/02/24 08:00 PM
1

Could possibly, but I’ve found thinking of ‘her life will be worse’ or ‘she’ll do it to the next guy’ to not be helpful moving on. Because, in all honesty, she could not. Maybe even probably won’t, and clinging to something that might not happen to make me feel better never helped much. And this far, her life is going fine. She’s managed to get a better job via co-worker simps than she ever had, has someone else paying for her bills on top, and is able to do all the traveling every month that sh…
/r/Divorce_Men07/02/24 06:44 PM
4

At this point, no, never. I tried very hard for us to work things out after the cheating. And once AP broke things off she said she would think about, but the entire time was getting railed by randos, and when she started dating this current guy at the 1 year mark, she blocked me on everything, only reaching out to serve divorce papers once they moved in and she felt like she was going to marry him. So, no, while I had a good marriage with none of the complaints I see on here, she’s not my wife …
/r/Divorce_Men07/02/24 06:22 PM
4

I will say in my social circle, the stay at home moms kids are much further along than the dual income ones
/r/Divorce_Men07/02/24 06:13 PM
2

Me too, man. Mine came suddenly, literally overnight, slept with a rando on a girls night out, and overnight became a cold evil person to me when not even 24 hours she was making plans for our upcoming child with me, and saying I love. It hasn’t really gotten better, but I guess I look at it like I lost a leg. Literally nothing good about it, I won’t be as good as I was, but it can still hobble around, so I guess I’ll get limping. April will be two years since she’s cheated. I’ve not been with a…
/r/Divorce_Men07/02/24 06:12 PM
2

She can, I guess, if you sign it. My ex had me add one to ours. That said, if a penalty clause isn’t also attached, I doubt any real enforcement could take place. But what you ex did was very normal, if that helps? It’s essentially always ‘another man’ when they suddenly want to leave. My ex did the same, original AP bowed out within weeks of her leaving, and she went right out on Tinder to keep getting railed. Sadly early separation wives are about as thirsty a bunch as you’ll find
/r/Divorce_Men07/02/24 06:05 PM
1

Cheating make since, it’s behind most divorce to some degree
/r/Divorce_Men07/02/24 05:25 PM
2

To be fair, my therapist did that to me as well. I think there is a type of therapist who just try to tell you want you want to hear
/r/Divorce_Men07/02/24 05:23 PM
1

It led me pretty poorly, at least
/r/Divorce_Men07/02/24 05:22 PM
5

I would say of my social circle, the husbands do more chores than the wives, but they still complain
/r/Divorce_Men07/02/24 04:51 PM
1

Me neither. I don’t think they would give an honest account of the affair to anyone, as they know they do something incredibly wrong, and our brains protect us from that
/r/Divorce_Men07/02/24 01:47 PM
5

My therapist, while I don’t know if a fraud, definitely didn’t ‘help’ but acted more like a…sounding board, echo chamber. Reminding me a lot of going to my dad for advice, where you just walj away only knowing ‘I guess I need to figure it out myself’
/r/Divorce_Men07/02/24 01:40 PM
2

Wait, what? Yes, you, are, haha. Unless you’re using a definition of the word that is strictly the legal definition…and honestly, that’s a stretch as well
/r/Divorce_Men07/02/24 01:38 PM
6

Agreed. And the sad part is, you can literally have zero control over her becoming unhappy.
/r/Divorce_Men07/02/24 01:36 PM
3

Three years is about the point where you marry or she leaves if she wants marriage in her life. I’ve. Noticed similar timelines
/r/Divorce_Men06/02/24 08:02 PM
6

It’s hilarious/horrible the things people will say when they’re comfortable around you. But I’ve heard similar things at work
/r/Divorce_Men06/02/24 08:01 PM
1

Sorta? My wife had an affair while overseas, said she needed time to think if she wanted to come home (I was unaware of affair) and then started seeing a therapist for the next 10 weeks. Came home and left immediately
/r/Divorce_Men06/02/24 06:02 PM
3

Yup. I’m sure there are some women who were victims in their marriage. My issue is I have no ability to tell who as they all say it. So, for short term or shallow relationships, great, but very foolish to ‘try again’ with
/r/Divorce_Men06/02/24 06:00 PM
4

If it helps, this is how it goes in every divorce, so you ex isn’t treating you in some ‘abnormal’ evil manner. It’s just standard divorce actions
/r/Divorce_Men06/02/24 03:24 PM
2

A good reason to never mention divorce in your marriage. Even if you can ‘at it’ and not really mean it, it won’t the the same, and if you say it, she’ll think it, and we’ll…just a matter of time
/r/Divorce_Men06/02/24 03:22 PM
1

Interesting, I wonder why? Just a basic asset marshaling? As I imagine wills get changed pretty quickly post divorce, so it can’t be for the wills themselves
/r/Divorce_Men06/02/24 03:21 PM
5

This is the real answer, that we husbands struggle so hard to accept. When the respect is gone, it will never come back. Once it’s gone, the love is gone, as their love depends on it. And without love, the marriage has no hope. And if they let another man fuck them, it means they lost respect. Sometimes the respect is there right up until that moment, but once it happens, they can’t go back, no matter how much you, as the husband, forgive them and want them to come back
/r/Divorce_Men06/02/24 03:20 PM
10

I have done some family law, spend a lot of time around family lawyers, and have had many friends and families go through divorce, myself included. Almost all of the above I have personal knowledge of what happened in the marriage. I’ve seen many, many times men admit they did something wrong, even when they were the ones to file. I have never once seen a wife admit she did something wrong. I have personal knowledge for a fact many wives in the marriages in fact it was their fault, often entirel…
/r/Divorce_Men06/02/24 03:18 PM
6

This. She will forever justify anything and everything she did and make herself the good guy or victim depending on who she is speaking too
/r/Divorce_Men05/02/24 08:44 AM
1

My only issue with that is I don’t particularly want that life I had 10 years ago before I met my wife. It was a pretty valid, pleasure seeking existence
/r/Divorce_Men04/02/24 10:03 PM
10

It’s like missing a day at the gym. It sucks, but the best thing you can do is go back the next day, because if you mess up two days in row, it’s going to turn into 3. So yeah, happens, but you try not to do it tomorrow, and just keep making sure never to miss two days in a row and you’ll get to where it’s a habit that’s hard to break
/r/Divorce_Men04/02/24 09:26 PM
2

Yeah, my MIL was never bad to me, and whenever we were at her place for holidays, she’d nag my wife to wait on me (I pretty much did everything in our marriage). Got me lots of nice gifts for Xmas too. I still get compliments on the watch, coat, belt, etc she would get for me. I never spent a dime on myself during the marriage, so I’d have almost nothing nice at this point if not for her. But yeah, my ex told me how much she hated her mom chasing random guys growing up, but it’s what she ran off…
/r/Divorce_Men04/02/24 09:17 PM
1

I don’t know the exact word for it, but yes, something describing a situation that is steady and shows no sign of changing does something unpleasant
/r/Divorce_Men04/02/24 09:14 PM
1

I would put less than zero stock in anything said after cheating. They understand they can’t say they got horny and fucked a guy, so they have to make up the lies.
/r/Divorce_Men04/02/24 09:12 PM
4

Hmm, maybe I should have? From since I knew her, my MIL was great to me, very much a traditional ‘tiger mom’ with the expectations and overbearing that comes with it, but was always very nice to me. Post divorce, she called my ex out, so my ex cut off contact with her and is still no contact with her almost two years later. We stayed in contact the first year, but this second year we’ve only spoken twice as it’s clear the marriage is over, and while she likes me, I’m ultimately not part of her l…
/r/Divorce_Men04/02/24 08:46 PM
3

I will say it’s much easier to find women to sleep with in my mid 30s post divorce than mid 20s. Of course, the women aren’t the same, and I guess I’m a better catch now than I was then.
/r/Divorce_Men04/02/24 08:40 PM
3

Yup, I had the wife who didn’t work, didn’t do…well, anything, for 9 years, cheat, lie about it and everything to everyone also pull the ‘I half to look out for myself’ when coming after the house I bought with my mothers inheritance 2 months before she cheated
/r/Divorce_Men04/02/24 08:37 PM
0

Possibly, but that still leaves 25% of ‘good’ women which isn’t insignificant. I will say those women are happy with their lives well before 30, so any of us looking for I round 2 need to understand that
/r/Divorce_Men04/02/24 08:34 PM
3

And that’s exactly why we tell guys to what actions, not words
/r/Divorce_Men04/02/24 08:31 PM
2

Yeah, I came close to couch surfing for a bit in mine, and one of the friends I considered couch surfing with actually had to couch surf with me when his wife left him 5 months later
/r/Divorce_Men04/02/24 03:49 AM
2

You’re not wrong that banging lots of women can help move on. How viable that is as an option obviously depends. But it’s also perfectly normal to have stretches where you’re feeling down
/r/Divorce_Men04/02/24 03:47 AM
7

Pretty much; there isn’t some mass mental gymnastics illness going on
/r/Divorce_Men04/02/24 03:45 AM
9

Folks can go weird ways post divorce
/r/Divorce_Men04/02/24 03:45 AM
4

Exactly; the truth is, it’s literally a game with well below 50% success rate for risking it all
/r/Divorce_Men04/02/24 03:05 AM
2

You’re a horrible person coming into a place and attacking people who have had the worst thing down to them by the person who should do it the least. Really, you’re despicable. Try to go beyond not talking to me, and expanding to everyone, and keep everything awful about your existence to yourself. The less of you is the only ‘good’ you can offer anyone.
/r/Divorce_Men04/02/24 03:03 AM
0

It was how you asked it on the first place, in the exact same tone of what someone did to deserve getting raped. It was horrible, and you’re defending your awful actions. I’d say you should be ashamed if I thought you had the capacity
/r/Divorce_Men04/02/24 12:28 AM
1

No, I read what he wrote and took it at face value. Maybe rethink being a person supporting abusive behavior
/r/Divorce_Men03/02/24 11:37 PM
7

So, it’s cool if that all ends tomorrow because your wife fucks someone else?
/r/Divorce_Men03/02/24 11:35 PM
2

As they say, when a woman is in love with you, you can do no wrong when a woman falls out of love with you you can do no right. The tricky part is that love is not based on anything rational, so it will come for no reason and leave, even when the reason is there
/r/Divorce_Men03/02/24 09:28 PM
2

I mean, only half of marriages end in divorce, and a significant portion of those marriages must be ‘happy’ so while we can safely say the majority of women aren’t like this, we can by the same data establish a sizeable minority is good
/r/Divorce_Men03/02/24 08:55 PM
3

Because it’s a bad question, trying to shift blame away from an evil person
/r/Divorce_Men03/02/24 08:54 PM
8

Which basically means don’t try the family thing
/r/Divorce_Men03/02/24 08:53 PM
4

Yup, I’ve learned it’s never innocent, but sadly, nothing you can really do. It’s why marriage is such a risk
/r/Divorce_Men03/02/24 08:53 PM
9

Women leave marriages for another D. Other stuff in your marriage may have pushed her to that point, but the thing that actually causes them to leave is D and D only. If it was something else, you’d know beyond a shadow of a doubt, like you cheated, beat her, or had a drinking problem.
/r/Divorce_Men03/02/24 06:39 PM
6

Yup, one thing I learned from my ex, is that there is always some simp out there if a lady is willing
/r/Divorce_Men03/02/24 06:38 PM
9

Yup, my wife was talking with other guys the entire time we ‘seeing if we could work things out’ as well. I think it’s always the case
/r/Divorce_Men03/02/24 06:17 PM
6

Sadly it’s most likely over if you’re not 100% sure what happened. That means it’s about another guy, and once she leaves, she won’t be coming back
/r/Divorce_Men03/02/24 06:15 PM
11

Yup, my ex did the same. First 10 weeks she’d stay in contact, and give me hope we could work it out. Once she secured a new guy at her new job, she went no contact on me
/r/Divorce_Men03/02/24 05:04 PM
3

Yup, mine said she needed her ‘freedom’ and would cut anyone out of her life to get it. Freedom in this case meant getting railed by any man who came onto her, traveling whenever she wanted, and going out drinking/partying whenever she wanted
/r/Divorce_Men03/02/24 01:34 PM
2

I think we have four categories when it comes to romantic relationships on two axis good/bad and attracted too good/bad. Good attracted to good is hard to find, as they identify a good man and marry young and are part of the half of marriages that don’t end in divorce. Bad attracted to bad we don’t worry about, because bad people being used and tossed aside no one really cares about. Good attracted to bad is how we get good women married to scum bags. Men finish how they start, so something here…
/r/Divorce_Men03/02/24 01:32 AM
1

Yup, the most ‘support’ I got my from my friends was from guys ‘women are crazy’ and gals ‘she was just using you’ which was funny how it broke down, and the latter not giving any hints for 10 years. Even from the woman who literally set us up. Makes me wonder how there their own marriage
/r/Divorce_Men02/02/24 11:31 PM
1

Yup, my friend have their own issues, and honestly, their marriages were always rockier than mine. Talking about mine isn’t great for theirs. I’ve had one get divorced in the almost two years since (but again, they all ‘seemed’ to have worse marriages, so all of u ma expected it)
/r/Divorce_Men02/02/24 11:29 PM
1

I didn’t lose them all, but I lost a lot. And the ones that stayed sure as heck don’t want to hear about, or see me acting off
/r/Divorce_Men02/02/24 11:27 PM
5

The band guy will get old then she’ll find a new simp to start it all over with
/r/Divorce_Men02/02/24 11:24 PM
8

Nah, that stuff is there too. It’s the new D. That it. Don’t beat yourself up for another’s evil
/r/Divorce_Men02/02/24 11:23 PM
3

‘Live your best life’ right there with ‘find myself’ and ‘travel the world’
/r/Divorce_Men02/02/24 08:41 PM
1

Do those apply to private citizens? Doesn’t work like that really in the US
/r/Divorce_Men02/02/24 08:33 PM
1

Perfect kind of folks to have a good time with
/r/Divorce_Men02/02/24 08:05 PM
4

I’ve learned unless you have hard evidence to the contrary, cheating is the default assumption
/r/Divorce_Men02/02/24 07:56 PM
2

Hmm, would never trust a divorced woman after what I’ve seen. One, I’ve done Family Law, and have personal experience with many of my friends and families divorce. I’m not a single case has a woman ever said did something wrong. I know for a fact in the majority of which I have personal knowledge, that is false. So, I really can never believe them. Second, if a divorce happen, it’s either the above, they were a ‘Walknaway wife’ which is a disaster to be involved with long term (great for short t…
/r/Divorce_Men02/02/24 07:56 PM
19

My marriage ended about two months after I solved the last of our external issues and had us on easy street
/r/Divorce_Men02/02/24 07:51 PM
1

It’s funny, I have heard all the above from unless than 6 months trying to date in my mid late 30s. I’m didn’t hear that stuff when dating in my mid 20s.
/r/Divorce_Men02/02/24 05:27 PM
1

I don’t think you have a choice here. I’m not sure if that makes it easier divorce, but it’s less wondering ‘what’ to do, and instead you only need to think of ‘how’ to do it. Also…I’ve had friends who spouses went and did drugs with ‘friends’ and it always was also sex involved
/r/Divorce_Men02/02/24 03:29 PM
2

Well, yeah, that exists, but it’s a high risk investment. If the risk/reward is worth it, go for it, but can’t get upsets when you don’t roll snake eyes
/r/Divorce_Men02/02/24 02:43 PM
2

Fun? Almost everything we do in life is temporary. If you get more enjoyment from watching football or fishing or golfing instead of going on dates with women and having sex, so that instead
/r/Divorce_Men02/02/24 02:40 PM
2

Trust has risks, and if those risks are too great now, you don’t have too. Just have fun and don’t give more than you get, and understand it’s all temporary
/r/Divorce_Men02/02/24 02:37 PM
2

Yup, wanted to keep you around until it was most convenient to ‘make it official’
/r/Divorce_Men02/02/24 02:37 PM
2

My US state is similar, and while you have to ‘live apart’ for a year, no one investigates if you both agree to say it
/r/Divorce_Men02/02/24 02:35 PM
1

Better than you feel at the start, your lowest? Definitely. Better than it was when it was good? Probably not
/r/Divorce_Men02/02/24 02:34 PM
5

I had a co-worker who I thought was an office friend, I was married, she in a 5 year relationship. Made a pass at me. Didn’t think as much about it then, but I’ve seen similar. Put another way, every single woman I’ve worked with has been in a serious relationship. A minority ‘net’ their next guy on the job
/r/Divorce_Men02/02/24 02:32 PM
2

Yeah, I can’t imagine the already well over 50% infidelity rate isn’t much higher in these cases. But hey, might be worth it
/r/Divorce_Men02/02/24 02:10 PM
2

It’s probably not about a podcast, haha. My ex tied to tell me she wanted to leave because she wanted to become a traveling marathon runner. Shocking surprise, it was actually about other men’s D
/r/Divorce_Men02/02/24 02:09 PM
1

Most likely. It’s sad that real relationships aren’t really an option, but as long as you realize that, it’s not so hard out there
/r/Divorce_Men02/02/24 02:07 PM
2

And sadly, usually always what initiated the divorce is cheating. Problems in the marriage done end the marriage per se, they more lower the immune system so cheating can occur and kill it. Which is to say, living together post divorce has such a small chance of being a viable option it should only ever be a last resort
/r/Divorce_Men02/02/24 02:04 PM
4

Definitely agree, emotional affair is just a physical affair. If you ‘caught it’ before it became physical, it’s just because it’s early enough to go ‘stop being insecure’ and even then, it often -starts- with the banging and the ‘emotional’ part comes later (it’s not emotional for one of them)
/r/Divorce_Men02/02/24 02:00 PM
1

Yup. For my ex ‘fair’ was we split the house we bought two months earlier with my inheritance money, she gets to keep the 40k in Chanel, Gucci, etc we got during the marriage, I get to keep the 35k in debt (15k of which was hers pre marriage) and I don’t say a word about the 20k she spent overseas having an affair prior to coming home and asking for a divorce. I’m not even joking
/r/Divorce_Men02/02/24 02:52 AM
7

The tingles drive it all
/r/Divorce_Men01/02/24 11:30 PM
1

Sorta, it’s paying for a night out, vs supporting someone living with you
/r/Divorce_Men01/02/24 09:04 PM
2

Nope, whoever owes it, owes it. You can go to a court and get debt classified as marital debt and split, but if you don’t bother for example, and just divorce without fighting, whosever name it’s in owes it
/r/Divorce_Men01/02/24 08:14 PM
1

Which is a lot less expensive than ‘taking care of’ a woman, and involves a lot more sex
/r/Divorce_Men01/02/24 07:31 PM
5

I learned from my ex, women can always find more dicks and/or simps. Maybe not as good, but close enough
/r/Divorce_Men01/02/24 04:46 PM
1

I agree with this. I was only 10 years, but we had a lot of ‘firsts’ together and great memories, and I’ve definitely felt that shallowness trying to dip my toe back into the dating pool. My ex was Korean, so I also understand your other point
/r/Divorce_Men01/02/24 03:52 PM
5

Well, sec was great, but I miss the life we had built and were building. Gave meaning to every day that we were making something.
/r/Divorce_Men01/02/24 02:44 PM
1

Younger ones typically are less money conscious I’ve found. Much more interested in having a good time. I’ve found them hard to expect any fidelity from, but honestly, I don’t think older is much better, just less exposure and opportunity
/r/Divorce_Men01/02/24 01:50 PM
5

Legally? No. Emotionally? Maybe
/r/Divorce_Men01/02/24 01:05 PM
2

She’s going to do that anyway
/r/Divorce_Men01/02/24 11:22 AM
3

200%
/r/Divorce_Men01/02/24 11:21 AM
4

My ex said something similar. She was cheating
/r/Divorce_Men01/02/24 11:21 AM
26

It’s because they wanted another dick. The rest is just justification
/r/Divorce_Men31/01/24 11:23 PM
5

She won’t come back, and honestly, it’s probably a good thing, because we’d take them back when we shouldn’t. But you don’t need to worry, as she’s not coming back
/r/Divorce_Men31/01/24 09:02 PM
3

It was hard. Keeping a smile on face at work was rough, but I have to for my work be cheerful and a good time for many people each day. Social events hard too. It gets easier. Not good, but easoer
/r/Divorce_Men31/01/24 09:00 PM
1

Guardian-ad-litem, govt appt atty for children’s interest
/r/Divorce_Men31/01/24 08:40 PM
2

I got my start helping out on capital cases. It was my job as the newbie to visit them in jail. Those folks didn’t think they did anything wrong.
/r/Divorce_Men31/01/24 08:20 PM
1

100%. It’s definitely another guy. Usually is
/r/Divorce_Men31/01/24 03:55 PM
2

And the said thing, society supports and justifies said angry woman in a divorce on those exact grounds you mentioned
/r/Divorce_Men31/01/24 03:32 PM
2

A girls night out ended my marriage, haha
/r/Divorce_Men31/01/24 03:03 PM
3

Yup. The person who loved you the most literally overnight, with no cause in your part, becoming the person who treats you the worst is hard to come back from
/r/Divorce_Men31/01/24 03:02 PM
3

My divorce, and the research it sent me on, has definitely made me see things clearer.
/r/Divorce_Men31/01/24 03:01 PM
2

When I was dating my ex, it was probably around $300 a week. They kinda money could get a nice vacation
/r/Divorce_Men31/01/24 02:11 PM
1

I’ll be on the look out for 10 year sleeper agents. Pretty worthless
/r/Divorce_Men31/01/24 02:02 PM
8

She definitely is. I see it here all the time, newly left guy, no clue what happened, but she’s definitely not cheating. I was that guy too. She was cheating. It’s always cheating in a practical sense. If it’s not cheating, then the man would know exactly why she was leaving and wouldn’t be confused (like, the husband cheated)
/r/Divorce_Men31/01/24 01:49 PM
1

I agree, and the times it’s not, it’s still ‘a man’ in a sense. Basically, a wife isn’t going to pull the trigger for any reason other than a new D. If it’s for another reason, you would know exactly why (ie you cheated or something)
/r/Divorce_Men31/01/24 01:48 PM
2

Harsh, but a lot of truth sadly.
/r/Divorce_Men31/01/24 01:41 PM
3

It’s a mental thing, pills technically won’t help…but if you think they will, that might help, in a way.
/r/Divorce_Men31/01/24 01:40 PM
2

It’s a good point about having someone else real or imagined. Just the idea that they can find someone else can be enough.
/r/Divorce_Men31/01/24 01:29 PM
5

Similar here. Wife never complained, never treated me badly, I would see my friends get publicly disrespected by their wives and be so thankful that wasn’t my life. Turns out the reason she changed overnight was she slept with a rando on a girls vacation.
/r/Divorce_Men31/01/24 01:11 PM
5

I guess my in laws are ‘on my side’ for what it’s worth. When it first started, her mom called and yelled at her for 15 min that she was making a mistake. Her aunt also called her or told her what she was doing was a sin, (they’re Christian), etc. This pissed me ex wife off, as she absolutely cannot stand anyone telling her the truth about what she did, it’s why she cut off contact with anyone he knew me except her closest friends, who were willing to accept her lies. So with the above, about 3 …
/r/Divorce_Men31/01/24 01:00 PM
3

Won’t do a single thing, sadly
/r/Divorce_Men31/01/24 04:54 AM
1

Definitely think for some women they don’t handle not working well. My ex was the same way, and didn’t work either. Cats, Amazon, Starbucks, door dash, etc. Working has its own issues, of course. (Stress, infidelity, etc) but seems a safer bet
/r/Divorce_Men31/01/24 04:52 AM
2

Mine didn’t go threaten anything, but did refuse to talk about anything and blocked on everything. Took forever to get things like bank accounts, insurance, cell phones, etc, untangled
/r/Divorce_Men31/01/24 03:58 AM
7

No, you’re 100% right. They are leaving for another dude at such a high rate it’s not worth talking about the small minority of times they don’t. And you shouldn’t want them back. It’s a flaw many guys have that wants them back
/r/Divorce_Men31/01/24 12:56 AM
2

Took me about 3 months. I really thought she’d come back, haha
/r/Divorce_Men31/01/24 12:54 AM
6

Most of us were like that. I can’t say there’s any shame in it, we love our wives. They just don’t love the same way. They can love better than we can at times, but unlike us, if they stray, they can’t come come back, just not how they work. It doesn’t matter how much we forgive and empathize
/r/Divorce_Men31/01/24 12:24 AM
2

Yup, I’ve gotten the same. Definitely tensions there. Which is sad, because I didn’t have nearly as many in my marriage, it’s one reason everyone was so shocked. The other friend who divorced, it was so obvious we were literally betting on when it would happen
/r/Divorce_Men30/01/24 10:42 PM
3

This. The feeling alone when surrounded by friends and family. Every party I go too, and I go to a few a month, I feel alone there. The wanting to tell them something, and realizing you can’t. Still there 18 months later
/r/Divorce_Men30/01/24 10:02 PM
2

Thus far in my life, personally and with my friends, every time a women has called their man ‘insecure’ they were cheating
/r/Divorce_Men30/01/24 09:41 PM
1

Ideally with someone who doesn’t do things that make you feel that way
/r/Divorce_Men30/01/24 09:41 PM
2

Definitely. When I noticed ‘wrong’ things in my l marriage l, I see it even more in my friends marriage. One of them since also get divorced
/r/Divorce_Men30/01/24 09:22 PM
7

It takes us so long. Even here, all the guys fresh from the wall out think she’s not already with another guy. Truth is, she wouldn’t have left if she didn’t have other guys, or at the very least, a burning desire to get another giy
/r/Divorce_Men30/01/24 09:21 PM
7

They never come back, but we think like men, so we don’t understand why it’s not possible for them to come back
/r/Divorce_Men30/01/24 09:17 PM
3

I was the same. Told everyone for months anhe wasn’t cheating, anhe wouldn’t, she was just having an midlife crisis, etc. It’s always cheating. Always. If it wasn’t cheating, you, the husband, would 100% already know why
/r/Divorce_Men30/01/24 08:57 PM
2

It’s another man enough percent of the time you should always assume they it’s the case
/r/Divorce_Men30/01/24 08:56 PM
1

Definitely. My ex hadn’t seen her GFs in years as they live i. Another country. It took one one night out drinking with them for her to go to a motel hours later with a guy who was hitting on them.
/r/Divorce_Men30/01/24 08:56 PM
2

Accepting I did nothing wrong, and the fault was 100% my wife’s, was the hardest step. It’s scary to think you did everything right and still failed
/r/Divorce_Men30/01/24 08:54 PM
3

It’s sad, but she’s no longer your wife, the person who treated you better than anyone and loved you. Thst person is gone and will never, ever come back. Who she is now is the person who has treated you worse than everyone else in your life ever has and will treat yiu, and will continue to treat you that way. You have to decide how you act towards someone like that
/r/Divorce_Men30/01/24 08:23 PM
3

My ex did the same. Refused to even talk to me, I had to email her friend and her friend would pass it along
/r/Divorce_Men30/01/24 08:21 PM
2

Coming up on two years here, and while better definitely not close to good yet. Glad to know it keeps getting better, and I’ll try not to think of all the stolen years
/r/Divorce_Men30/01/24 08:19 PM
6

‘Friends’
/r/Divorce_Men30/01/24 08:10 PM
2

Yeah, I would say that if one is single, it’s not for long. I had one women get out of a relationships and try to move onto me. But you’re right, it feels if you want to date at work, you’re basically being that dick floating in her mind to jump too when she believes something is wrong with her current man
/r/Divorce_Men30/01/24 07:27 PM
3

It’s funny, I’ve worked at a number of places, definitely had a few dozen (maybe over 100) women co-workers, and almost every single one under the age of 40 was in a relationship. Not sure how people date at worked haha. Well, I do know, they be the ‘other guy’ that ruined so many of our marriages. I’ve definitely seen that happen multiple times
/r/Divorce_Men30/01/24 05:41 PM
5

Friends definitely supported it (they disapproved of her marrying a white man) but she hadn’t seen them in person in 9 years prior to this, but they definitely covered for her while she was cheating overseas.
/r/Divorce_Men30/01/24 05:10 PM
3

She spent two months making that house look exactly the way she wanted, then had an affair on a vacation and literally never came back to it. I wonder sometimes if it was some super duper plan to take suspicions off her plan, or if accomplishing a goal she’d had since we started dating just triggered something in her
/r/Divorce_Men30/01/24 05:03 PM
3

So many people call men insecure for not being comfortable with their wife traveling solo, when it massively increases cheating odds. Basically, we err talking on the phone as we were constantly while she was there, she was in the cab going out to a bar to get drinks with her friends, says ‘can’t talk more tonight, I’ll let you know when I’m leaving, I love you’ And then didn’t hear from her for an almost a week. To cut a long story short, I did some IG sleuthing and found the profile of the guy…
/r/Divorce_Men30/01/24 05:00 PM
1

It’s definitely better with time. April marks two years since the affair and the end of my marriage. (She did it while on a vacation and never came back home) First 10 weeks couldn’t sleep or eat, lost more than 60 lbs and half my hair. These days I generally sleep 5-7 hours a night, eat fine, and the nightmares come maybe once a week rather than daily, and she’s not on my mind constantly like she was he first few months
/r/Divorce_Men30/01/24 04:56 PM
2

If it was planned, she did it in the dumbest way possible. And on short notice, as originally I was going with her in that vacation, haha
/r/Divorce_Men30/01/24 04:53 PM
1

Seen too many folks burned by alcoholic outings without their spouse.
/r/Divorce_Men30/01/24 03:08 PM
3

It’s funny, after my had from what I can tell an ‘unplanned’ affair on a vacation, most of my women friends thought she had been using me and planned the whole thing, while most of my guy friends just thought she went crazy. So, my GFs thought she was evil, my BFs thought she was crazy
/r/Divorce_Men30/01/24 02:43 PM
2

If it’s anything like my nightmares, it’s one part seeing the affair, or something related to it, or it’s a dream an everything is ‘normal’ but you get the slow realization through the dream that it’s not real until you wake up
/r/Divorce_Men30/01/24 02:00 PM
1

My ex was tired all day as well, haha. She would go to be before me, wake up after me, take a nap during the day, and had zero responsibilities, just played video games, watched tv, and looked at social media while I was at work
/r/Divorce_Men30/01/24 01:04 PM
6

Two months after I bought is the big house with my inheritance from my mom, she cheated and left. Dunno if finally ‘accomplishing’ a goal she had since she met me factored into that
/r/Divorce_Men30/01/24 01:02 PM
5

Yup, disregarding how money was spent during the marriage (which we know wasn’t on me) I came into the marriage with no debt and and 115k in assets. My wife came into the marriage with no assets and 15k in debt. She got to leave the marriage with no debt and 35k, I got to leave with no assets and 35k in debt.
/r/Divorce_Men30/01/24 01:00 PM
8

While my marriage never got so bad as many guys here, I 100% noticed post marriage a shift from appreciation for me switching too entitlement
/r/Divorce_Men30/01/24 12:58 PM
3

It’s a great question. ‘Marital satisfaction’ for wives tracks strongly with divorce rates, but they didn’t find a link between women who lost it and why. Doing whatever you wife desires certainly didn’t show success.
/r/Divorce_Men30/01/24 12:59 AM
3

I don’t think either work, really; husbands marital satisfaction doesn’t have much bearing on divorce stats, and while wife -does- have significant impact, her being ‘happy’ does not seem to matter based on studies
/r/Divorce_Men29/01/24 11:29 PM
6

Same time frame here, two years out. Miss her and our life, but in the sense I miss something that’s dead and I know is gone
/r/Divorce_Men29/01/24 09:36 PM
5

Mine wasn’t even a SAHM, just a wife, haha. I was the fool who bought ‘happy wife, happy life’ philosophy, but it’s not a good one, apparently
/r/Divorce_Men29/01/24 09:30 PM
4

Our state has a year separation requirement, so by the time the year rolled around it was clear she wasn’t going to talk about
/r/Divorce_Men29/01/24 09:09 PM
2

My ex has that too, where is it wasn’t done immediately, it would never get done. Like, I’m talking immed
/r/Divorce_Men29/01/24 07:49 PM
4

Not sure your age range, but for me, late 20s to late 30s southern metro white dolks, I’d say 4/5 of the time it’s the husband doing the lion share of the housework. I will say when kids come, the wife still does the majority there, but it’ll be like 60/40 whereas for chores it’s more like 20/80.
/r/Divorce_Men29/01/24 07:49 PM
2

Which it wasn’t so. I treated my wife as if she was still my wife during the divorce l, and it was one of the biggest mistakes I’ve made
/r/Divorce_Men29/01/24 07:43 PM
1

Definitely l. The only danger with the former is generally, men start how they finish. We’ve had plenty of women in circle married to awful men…who we all knew were awful from when they were dating. So something in her drew her to them, which is worrisome, but it’s definitely better than someone who already walked out on a good man
/r/Divorce_Men29/01/24 07:41 PM
1

Yup it’s really bad at the start, so don’t worry, it’s normal. I lost 60 lbs and half my hair the first 10 weeks. Back at a healthy weight with a full head of hair now. It just hits some of us harder, I guess
/r/Divorce_Men29/01/24 06:12 PM
1

I think years isn’t the norm, so I wouldn’t worry too much. I’m almost two years out, and it doesn’t bother me as much at night as it did, and the nightmares don’t come as often.
/r/Divorce_Men29/01/24 06:03 PM
1

Yup, the ‘good’ ones (and there are a ton of good ones) by and large are in those 50% if marriages which aren’t failing. Feels harder to find a diamond in the rough as a man post 30. For women, there are those late bloomer men who made it to 30s without having a serious relationship who have some great potential (I’ve a number of friends who made great ‘second husbands’ to women). Women get to set the pace when it comes to relationships, so very rare to Have the reverse situation
/r/Divorce_Men29/01/24 06:00 PM
2

Dating in my mid 30s I’ve found it waaaaay easier to get sex than my mid 20s, but way harder to find a ‘good’ women for various reasons
/r/Divorce_Men29/01/24 05:49 PM
3

Looking for women like OP, recently divorced. They’re probably more than fine with that
/r/Divorce_Men29/01/24 05:28 PM
10

To be fair, I advise men here looking for sex to seek out recent divorcees, as they’re looking for as many as they can get. It’s also a good remainder for the men that their ex wife is doing the same, and they need to move on
/r/Divorce_Men29/01/24 05:27 PM
3

That was me, I did everything but cooking, and we always went out to eat on the weekend and half the 4 week nights I’d bring takeout home
/r/Divorce_Men29/01/24 05:05 PM
10

I was the only who worked, and did most the chores. She would cook and put away groceries, but bathroom, floors, laundry, trash, dishes, yard work, etc was all me. I don’t do the same level of chores now that she left, so I spend less time doing chores. I cook for myself, and usually use 3 dishes. When she cooked, it would always be double digits. I don’t separate my laundry into as many piles, and I do bigger loads, so I do less laundry. I clean the floors weekly, rather than multiple times a w…
/r/Divorce_Men29/01/24 02:42 PM
4

I will say I always find it amusing folks tell me to find women at gyms, but also have people telling me women don’t want to find dates at the gym, haha. But, especially for a lady I guess, probably easy to find somebody there for a quick tumble?
/r/Divorce_Men29/01/24 01:47 PM
1

Pretty, unless you can get her to agree to costs associated with selling, if you do a buyout, you essentially have to eat those.
/r/Divorce_Men29/01/24 01:36 PM
2

It was similar for me too. She wouldn’t communicate at all with things she wanted to take didn’t want to take so it was harder to get things out than it needed to be. Mine didn’t drive away exactly in her fair partners car, because her fair partner started sleeping with other women before she could even get everything gathered to go live with him, but she did drive away in the car. The new guy she had found at work. It was really weird and painful living in the empty house for a long time. I’m a…
/r/Divorce_Men29/01/24 01:11 PM
3

Be my advice, compared to the people saying to ignore it. Show the receipts
/r/Divorce_Men29/01/24 07:46 AM
2

I gave my ex wife everything she wanted when she left and she still tells everyone I stole from her. She’s sadly no longer your wife, and is instead the person who had done and will continue to do to you more horrible things than everyone else has or will in your life combined. What’s the correct way to treat someone like that?
/r/Divorce_Men29/01/24 06:10 AM
5

The sad thing is, brain dysfunctions are common, yup this happens to at least a significant majority of divorcees.
/r/Divorce_Men29/01/24 06:07 AM
18

Definitely. My ex tells everyone I kicked her out of the house and stole everything from her, when literally I just did everything she asked while begging to talk about it
/r/Divorce_Men28/01/24 10:19 PM
6

It’s probably best to move on. A guy post divorce is probably in a really bad emotional and mental state and not in any shape to mark long term relationship decisions. For your own sake, probably not a good idea to hang around while he figures things out
/r/Divorce_Men28/01/24 05:31 AM
4

The scary thing is, whenever I see someone post divorce say ‘and I found another women who is amazing so my divorce was the best thing ever’ I think… Our wives by and large were amazing too, until they weren’t
/r/Divorce_Men28/01/24 05:27 AM
-4

This sadly rings true. At least it did in my marriage
/r/Divorce_Men28/01/24 02:17 AM
2

Haha, not exactly the companionship I meant.
/r/Divorce_Men27/01/24 11:27 PM
3

I learned that the hard way. To be fair, my ex wife was forward about having mental health issues, thought she did downplay the severity
/r/Divorce_Men27/01/24 08:51 PM
0

Ah, she’s the one pushing it for it? Hmm, well, will she be cooperative you think? Custody will be the biggest thing, I think. If you have full custody, money to her after assets are split should be minimal. As for splitting assets, while marital debt is split, it’s not done automatically. Meaning if you don’t get her to agree or a judge to order the debt your still paying to come out of her share of the house equity, it’s all on you
/r/Divorce_Men27/01/24 08:44 PM
2

If you’re not looking for anything serious, if you feel comfortable, give it a shot. Likely worst case is your unsuccessful at it, which hey, isn’t a different situation. Or you catch feelings and get committed woth someone bad for you. Try to avoid that
/r/Divorce_Men27/01/24 08:31 PM
2

It is a pretty modern thing, judging for actions used to be a pretty important part of society. (Let’s be honest, it still is, just certain things you can’t judge on. You’ll still Be hardly judged by the ‘you can’t judge me’ folks if you doing something society says you can’t)
/r/Divorce_Men27/01/24 08:27 PM
10

Outside the obvious, she had a great sense of style for all things. Like, our house she picked out is on a great location, it’s decorated very classy, the outfits she picked out for me still get me complimented today. Companionship in general was good, as well as the concept of a future adding meaning to each day
/r/Divorce_Men27/01/24 08:22 PM
1

Definitely, sex suddenly changing is a great sign they just had an affair. But if it’s a more slow decline, probably not cheating, but it does make them ‘open’ to cheating the longer it goes on
/r/Divorce_Men27/01/24 08:20 PM
1

Hmm, closest I had is a coworker/friend who married a nurse, and she ended up cheating. I am a lawyer, and I’ve never wanted to date another lawyer, so not sure how that would have gone. Of my coworkers who are married women attorneys, I do t k is for sure, but it seems most of their marriages are going well. When I was a prosecutor, of the attorney women I interacted with, three cheated with a co worker and are divorced, three were the ‘long term GF’ and were angry it took so long for their Bf …
/r/Divorce_Men27/01/24 03:00 PM
1

Really is
/r/Divorce_Men27/01/24 03:45 AM
1

The great thing is, we can delude ourselves pretty close to death, and the. It doesn’t matter
/r/Divorce_Men26/01/24 11:50 PM
1

Yeah, unless she’s been living there, typically it’ll just be half of the captial gains, similar to a retirement plan
/r/Divorce_Men26/01/24 11:49 PM
1

I’ve always seen this as utter BS justifying women basically being evil
/r/Divorce_Men26/01/24 10:40 PM
2

You, nothing we can do, and Ron what I’ve seen of divorce in my life, Karma doesn’t exist.
/r/Divorce_Men26/01/24 06:53 PM
2

Well, I hope that works out
/r/Divorce_Men26/01/24 05:49 AM
2

‘Courting’ is a bad idea, really. Women will have fucked plenty of men who did less than nothing for them, courting them is just….it won’t end well
/r/Divorce_Men26/01/24 05:07 AM
5

I really think screwing. Lots of thoughts is the best solution. It definitely does decrease your ability to have an intimate relationship but at this point in our lives after divorce that’s already shot.
/r/Divorce_Men26/01/24 04:57 AM
1

Honestly, the best method if you’re into it
/r/Divorce_Men26/01/24 02:04 AM
3

Pretty much every case I’ve read when the sex changed, they cheated later
/r/Divorce_Men25/01/24 11:35 PM
4

Yup, my friends say ‘how do you know she wasn’t cheating before? And I say ‘she literally overnight became a different person after she did. For a variety of reasons, that’s how it works for them
/r/Divorce_Men25/01/24 06:44 PM
3

Ah, well, that woman was married and had a chance, and well, children’s are another topic, haha. I meant you probably arent going to find some nice inexperienced girl in her 30s, whereas I’ve had a number of guy friends who were in that exact situation and were picked up by women to become amazing husb
/r/Divorce_Men25/01/24 06:43 PM
1

You can split it however you want, the 50/50 stuff comes into play if you get the court involved. But money spent during the marriage won’t be considered at all, nor who worked, or even if they were completely evil. It’s just basically assigning a value to everything you obtained after the date of marriage and splitting it
/r/Divorce_Men25/01/24 05:19 PM
2

Well, being the sole provider and paying of her debts don’t matter at all if a court ruling is what you’re basing this split on. If it la just equitable between you two, then just do whatever you agree on
/r/Divorce_Men25/01/24 03:50 PM
4

I would say work would be a good way to find a wife. However, I’ve never worked with a woman who is single. Hundreds of women, all in relationships, many I’ve worked with were young fresh out of college. So unless I wanted to be one of those guys who many of us had ruin a marriage, not an option. And I did have a co worker in a relationship want me to do that. And I’ve seen coworkers do that. Could just be the legal field, but it’s been much more women co workers, which you think would be good, …
/r/Divorce_Men25/01/24 03:40 PM
3

Happened to a friend of mine, his nurse wife hooked up with some 10 year younger women, and started doing drigs with her. Small blessings, I wish my ex wife had just been brutally honest with me rather than lying and denying and
/r/Divorce_Men25/01/24 03:30 PM
12

So much this. And I feel for it too. Wife asked for ‘time to think’ and that just meant time to sample dick and see if I can find one that will commit. Practically speaking, women leave a marriage for dick. That’s it. It’s the rebuttal presumption. So unless you were beating her or something, she left to get fucked by other men. And she will never love you again after she lets another man fuck her. It’s not like a man who can bang a prostitue and have it not change his opinion of his wife if she…
/r/Divorce_Men25/01/24 02:22 PM
1

Definitely. It’s hard to know as an outsider, but being friends with the Judge matters more than anything. If the judge has no clue who the attorney is, they will be less forgiving on a man
/r/Divorce_Men25/01/24 02:14 PM
2

Haha, I had that. Like, literally I have to argue in court in front of a judge. I can text during work, no, it doesn’t mean I don’t care or are banging other women
/r/Divorce_Men25/01/24 02:05 PM
3

Exactly l. You did it the ‘right’ way and it didn’t work out. Sadly for a lot of us, it’s outside our control and we got the wrong side of that divorce coin flip. At this point, we really can’t go back and try again, so just focus on yourself and own pleasure
/r/Divorce_Men25/01/24 02:04 PM
4

I think starfish is great to start, but after divorce, you tried, your damages too, just take the hedonism path to the end of the line
/r/Divorce_Men25/01/24 02:03 PM
13

Better sex means usually, been with lots of guys. Studies have shown, more partners, worse partner generally. Add that up with, especially for women, the partners available as you get older are almost always going to be damaged. You can maybe find a nice awkward man in his 30s who’s great, but was never given a chance while younger. You really won’t find a woman in that situation
/r/Divorce_Men25/01/24 02:02 PM
11

Honestly, no better solution than sex with other women. It’s how she got over you, sex with other men.
/r/Divorce_Men25/01/24 01:58 PM
3

No advice here, my state you can’t start the divorce process until you’re living under different roofs. I forced my wife’s hand, as she wanted to get divorced ASAP so she had to leave the house to start the process
/r/Divorce_Men25/01/24 01:58 PM
2

Well, $500 is cheap for that lesson. One of the hardest things for me to come terms with is just how the woman who used to love and support me more than anyone was now the person treating me more evil than everyone else in my life combined.
/r/Divorce_Men25/01/24 01:39 PM
6

Definitely guilty here of thinking she wasn’t cheating, then thinking she wasn’t having sex with other men while telling me she ‘needed time’
/r/Divorce_Men25/01/24 01:37 PM
9

Definitely, I always say blowjobs and barometer for how attractive a woman finds you. If she’s in that I’m stupidly attracted to you emoji she’ll always wanna hop that knob. It’s a big reason why they stop happening after marriage for many men.
/r/Divorce_Men25/01/24 01:32 PM
7

I will say as far as sex on the first dates concerned you want them to do whatever they normally do. If you dated a woman and she would not have sex with you on the first date, but she did with other men that marriage will end in disaster.
/r/Divorce_Men25/01/24 01:30 PM
4

Yup. If I had never been married, I’d be half way to retirement at 37. As is, I’m essentially living pay check to pay check now
/r/Divorce_Men25/01/24 01:29 PM
3

I’m an attorney(criminal a real estate l, not family) but yes, I wouldn’t waste bandwidth on $500. Just make sure it can’t happen again and focus on the big wins.
/r/Divorce_Men25/01/24 01:26 PM
4

Creating a false narrative, and acting like they fully believe it is pretty normal sadly
/r/Divorce_Men25/01/24 01:22 PM
2

Yeah, we all feel sorry for his wife I mean she’s a very nice woman and at least in the outside as far as I can see doesn’t seem like a bad person. My best friend cheated and is still with his wife, but in that case she found out and they’ve been working on their marriage. It’s been about two years now. He’s had to lose pretty much all of his freedom to stay with her.
/r/Divorce_Men25/01/24 01:10 PM
10

This. They always are, and we always assume they aren’t. Women aren’t men when it comes to relationships and sex, they don’t do things like you do, don’t expect them to
/r/Divorce_Men25/01/24 03:12 AM
1

Yeah, my story I’ve been told IRL sounds like something from a bad movie. But, I’ve read some similar stuff here. (It gets way worse than what I said above, haha) As for coping, I guess that’s the answer? You just cope. There’s no solution, literally nothing to make it better, so you cope
/r/Divorce_Men25/01/24 03:10 AM
2

My uncle did something similar. Still married some 40 years later, but his ‘indiscretions’ are an open secret
/r/Divorce_Men25/01/24 02:59 AM
2

Guess depends on what is meant by ‘after divorce’. As my ex moved in with a guy and was engaged prior to our divorce being finalized, but she dragged her feet and took over 18nmonths to get it finished
/r/Divorce_Men25/01/24 02:56 AM
8

Yeah, but it’s hard to find a woman who will stick around if no marriage is coming. You usually get 2-3 years before the ‘nice gf’ goes away. And don’t ever cave and marry the 5+ year GF, she will forever hold it against you you made her wait
/r/Divorce_Men25/01/24 02:54 AM
3

All very good things to look out for
/r/Divorce_Men25/01/24 02:26 AM
14

This. Pre marriage my wife was never angry at me….but she was angry at mom, her step father, her boss, her co-workers, people at social events, etc. As she retreated into just our marriage, the only person left to be angry at was me
/r/Divorce_Men25/01/24 02:26 AM
1

Honestly, I got some because my ex wife was paranoid, but never checked the things
/r/Divorce_Men25/01/24 01:59 AM
2

Hookers get paid
/r/Divorce_Men25/01/24 01:59 AM
2

Yup. Especially as a divorcee. You tried things the ‘right’ way. And that was correct. You’re already damaged, getting tons of bodies under you won’t mess you up anymore than you are
/r/Divorce_Men25/01/24 01:59 AM
9

Can definitely agree with post break up, especially post divorce women. Never met a women as eager to laid by as many men as possible as a recent divorcee. (Something for us all here to remember when missing our wives during separation)
/r/Divorce_Men25/01/24 01:57 AM
4

Definitely. Things have to be going GREAT for marriage to be considered, as it only gets worse. And even then, like it did for me, it can all end on a girls trip
/r/Divorce_Men24/01/24 09:52 PM
2

Oh, no, no it didn’t work at all, haha, that’s why I’m here. It was a good marriage, just ended literally overnight when she had an affair with a rando on a girls night. I’ve done some very tepid testing of the dating scene since September and it’s not been encouraging. Girl friends definitely try harder, but I haven’t found a women wanting to try at all so far
/r/Divorce_Men24/01/24 09:14 PM
3

Yeah, pre marriage the only issue we had was frustration with our accelerated wedding plans due to her mother. It changed pretty quickly post marriage, but didn’t get ‘bad’ per se, it was just not as good as dating
/r/Divorce_Men24/01/24 08:32 PM
3

I did have that as well; she would cry about others mistreating her, but would fight me over things that weren’t my fault and I was trying to fix
/r/Divorce_Men24/01/24 08:28 PM
23

I will say everything will get worse after marriage, and nothing will get better. If you have anything right now you can tolerate for now, but hope gets better, it won’t. If things are on the edge, and if it gets worse now that’s a deal breaker, it’s going to get worse.
/r/Divorce_Men24/01/24 08:27 PM
11

Past behavior are definitely the best indicator of how future relationships will go. Of course, it’s also something people will call you insecure if asking about, yet is also frequently lied about because everyone knows how much it matters. Wish I had been more judging on my ex wife’s past
/r/Divorce_Men24/01/24 08:26 PM
3

April will be two years for me, just had one last night, haha. They come less often now at least, and bother me less
/r/Divorce_Men24/01/24 07:27 PM
1

UPS and downs worries me itself. Depending on long together, usually no downs
/r/Divorce_Men24/01/24 07:21 PM
3

Difficult to get honesty on any women’s sexual past I’ve found when dating. When a social setting when I’m just a friend outside their social circle, I e gotten horrifying details
/r/Divorce_Men24/01/24 06:45 PM
2

Essentially. I still miss my wife. My marriage was good. Who she is now is not my wife. I would love to be with my wife, but I don’t want to be near the woman she is now
/r/Divorce_Men24/01/24 04:52 PM
3

Well, there’s a reason the Bible calls both sides of that a sin. Let them enjoy the road to tell together
/r/Divorce_Men24/01/24 03:11 AM
1

Yup, it’s that dumb, but I came here from another sub that got nuked a few months back for talking about things we’re not supposed too. Subs like this do good, and if it tries to expand to be a general ‘here is the biological truths that led to what happened to you’ rather than ‘here’s how you deal with what happened to you’ we’re going to get nuked too
/r/Divorce_Men24/01/24 12:00 AM
8

I would leave 1) at just ignore. One thing I learned from my ex is there is an endless amount of simps out there willing to wife someone up, it’s down to if she’s willing. Sure, probably do the same thing to him, but either way, high chance she’ll be fine. Best to not care one way or the other and forget she exists. Two definitely, you simply can’t treat them like a ‘real’ relationship you used to, as they certainly aren’t doing the same to you. Volume with as little expenditure as you can. ‘Bon…
/r/Divorce_Men23/01/24 06:37 PM
1

If anything, doing those things makes you more likely to get divorced
/r/Divorce_Men23/01/24 06:31 PM
-1

I can understand. Subs get nuked for that sort of thing, and this isn’t exactly the place for it. So while yes, certain demographic facts are why most of us are here, this is more discussing how to deal, not the why. We can leave the why to other places
/r/Divorce_Men23/01/24 05:08 PM
8

Definitely my experience. My ex cheated overseas, came back, left, and was immediately drowning in dick. Being an attractive women in her 30s with no kids made life her buffet, sexually. Plenty of ‘travel favors’ as she blew divorce money seeing the world, plenty of OLD, plenty of men at work willing to ‘simp’ for her, eventually moving in and saying she’s going to marry one. Much harder for a man, always is sadly. Relationships are where double standards are most alive and well, some good for o…
/r/Divorce_Men23/01/24 04:16 PM
6

I didn’t cheat, but wasn’t really an opportunity too, my Bachelors party was a weekend with my 3 groomsmen (my bffs for life) playing all the old geek stuff we used too in highschool back when were ‘losers’. But I’ve been on 3 other ‘weekend’ bachelors trips where someone did cheat on their significant other. It was never the groom, but these where big 8-10 guy weekends, and at least once each time did stray. Which is why I always say situations matter for cheating. As far as I know (and I’m pre…
/r/Divorce_Men22/01/24 08:42 PM
4

Well, I used to spend some time browsing the dead bedroom subs. The advice I saw there was, if you were at the point where you’d rather be alone in a crappy apartment than with your wife, it’s time to start thinking about that. As you can’t guarantee an awesome sec life with a great woman. What you can guarantee is a miserable a life alone in a tiny crappy apartment. And if that existence sounds better, it’s something to think about. But the work thing sounds like something to approach. There mi…
/r/Divorce_Men22/01/24 07:56 PM
5

I’ve read many stories, and the men who move on best do it by having sex with other women. But you’re right, have to make sure not to be a relationship, as often they move on fast but end up back here. Happened to friends of mine.
/r/Divorce_Men22/01/24 07:39 PM
1

This instead truth. Women don’t come back. And if they do, it’s literally only because they have no other option l, and they will stay only so long as they have no other option
/r/Divorce_Men22/01/24 06:52 PM
1

Possibly, but new dude is the vast, VAST, majority of these situations. But yes, Bible gives few outs for a divorce, and infidelity is about the one even Jesus himself is okay with (and if says better to still forgive, most who cheat don’t want that as they don’t think they’ve done anything wrong. I know I tried). You’ll probably never find proof, and if you’re already living apart, that will have wrecked the relationship past the point of counseling imo. Those wounds will have scab, broke bones…
/r/Divorce_Men22/01/24 06:50 PM
2

Haha, I literally got that from my ex as well. Apparently, when she left to go to he bar with her friends, she was happily married. At somepoint in the night, she decided she leaving me. So when had sex with a rando who hit on her, it wasn’t cheating
/r/Divorce_Men22/01/24 05:49 PM
3

Same here. She denies everything but what I had receipts for, denied those till I showed the receipts, and tried to gaslight about even that. I imagine for all of us, far worse happened than they will ever admit.
/r/Divorce_Men22/01/24 01:59 PM
1

Only ‘use’ it would have is to show social circles that yes, she’s lying, she was cheating, but honestly? Women are not chastised for cheating, and often praised. It likely wouldn’t change anything
/r/Divorce_Men22/01/24 03:22 AM
6

I learned there was zero justice. Sje gets to cheat and lie to everyone that I was abusive. She got to walk away debt free after coming into the marriage with it, and 50k on top, and walk right into another home and got a cushy job given by same man. I get saddled with debt and zero money after coming into the marriage with no debt and over 100k, and get laid off the day after she leaves
/r/Divorce_Men22/01/24 03:21 AM
7

There’s a lot of theories, but it’s impossible to deny this true. Even as someone who’s done family law, I’ve literally never seen a woman admit fault. Not saying every man does, but I’ve at least seen it. So, I literally can never, ever believe a divorced women when it comes to her relationship, and why I would never seriously date one
/r/Divorce_Men22/01/24 03:19 AM
3

Haha, I got that too. She told me ‘I love you honey, going to the bar with friends, I’ll text you when I’m done’ Sleeps with a rando, then ‘I don’t have to tell you anything, and it wasn’t actually cheating as I was done with this marriage already’ ‘Done with this marriage’ as in we had just bought a house 3 months ago and she was less than two months pregnant. (Not sure how far along she was, but she got an abortion a few weeks later, and we had been trying)
/r/Divorce_Men22/01/24 03:18 AM
3

This was my experience. I had lots of evidence, just got me trickle truthed as I kept disproving her lies. Eventually, she just refused to say anything, as she would never say the truth and she realized there was too much to flat out deny. I don’t know if women need an emotional connection; my ex cheated with a rando at a bar with zero intention when she left that night of doing so. What they can’t have though is an attraction to their husband once they cheat; there are a few guesses as to why t…
/r/Divorce_Men22/01/24 03:05 AM
3

You, the only reason my wife could give for cheating on me was ‘I made my life about her, and put too much pressure on her’ It’s sad, but women really don’t like you caring too much about them. Even if literally they’re asking for everything you do, they will lose respect (and thus attraction) if you do it Definitely agree with on the programming. I’ve seen it too much on every relationship to not think it’s not just biological driven
/r/Divorce_Men21/01/24 08:35 PM
7

100% agree. It’s hard, funny enough, to accept you did nothing wrong. If we messed up, it makes sense. It gives us some control over it, and hope for next time. If we did nothing wrong, it makes it almost worse. But I was the same, I couldn’t move until till I accepted I literally didn’t do anything, and she did something unforgivable and unjustifiable
/r/Divorce_Men21/01/24 07:07 PM
1

For men, anyways. And to be fair, unless you left and didn’t date anyone else, you’ll still always be seen as the asshole. That said, there’s a difference between being seen as an asshole, and actually being one. And trying to work things out, then leaving, before ever even speaking to another women will make you not an awhile, though still seen as one
/r/Divorce_Men21/01/24 07:02 PM
1

For men, anyways. And to be fair, unless you left and didn’t date anyone else, you’ll still always be seen as the asshole. That said, there’s a difference between being seen as an asshole, and actually being one. And trying to work things out, then leaving, before ever even speaking to another women will make you not an awhile, though still seen as one
/r/Divorce_Men21/01/24 07:02 PM
1

Congrats man! Doing way ahead did schedule! I was in the middle of my 60lb weight loss from not eating at that point.
/r/Divorce_Men21/01/24 06:08 PM
0

Most people are saying the opposite, except other moral failures trying to console themselves. You made a statement that is either so widespread applicable it has no ability to differentiate between anything, so it’s useless to say. Just a waste of time. Or it’s intentionally being applied in comfortable situations, so it’s immoral. Could be both though, can always be dumb and bad
/r/Divorce_Men21/01/24 05:24 PM
0

Damn man, you are dumb. That was the entire point of the comment. It’s not a crime, but we punish as crimes things waaay less harm to people. And the fact people engage in something has zero touching on its morality. I mean…how do you think? It’s all stupid, can you draw a logical conclusion from anything? People have reasons for everything they do. That literally is a useless statement. Your philosophy is shallow and pointless and rendered everything on the same level. Which, hey, I can get tha…
/r/Divorce_Men21/01/24 05:22 PM
0

You said a really dumb thing, then doubled down on it. But hey, don’t worry, it’s waaaay less worse than what the man you defend did. So praise this too
/r/Divorce_Men21/01/24 04:28 PM
3

While I’m not a child of divorce, many of my friends are, and almost of think better of their father now that they’re adults than they did their mother. Most ended up moving in with their father in the latter part of highschool when they were old enough to force it
/r/Divorce_Men21/01/24 03:52 PM
2

Well, I always find it easier when I don’t have a choice. Then I just have to man up and do it. Doing things is easy, knowing what to do is the hard part. And the hard part for me was trying to figure out how to save my marriage, what could I do differently, what did I need to do, what should I have done. When I eventually (and this took me way too long, like, 18 months) was that there is no coming back once it starts. It doesn’t matter what I want, there’s only one path, and all my stress was a…
/r/Divorce_Men21/01/24 06:43 AM
3

Ouch. That’s an extra kick in the pants from all this.
/r/Divorce_Men21/01/24 06:39 AM
2

That’s the biggest difference I’ve noticed; I’ve literally never seen a divorcee say it was her fault. I’ve at least seen some men say it was theirs. Basically, I personally can never believe a single one when speaking of divorce
/r/Divorce_Men21/01/24 05:23 AM
4

It’s not always the wife who’s a piece of shit, 20% of the time it’s the husband. That’s a lot of times still
/r/Divorce_Men21/01/24 04:02 AM
2

It’s usually the case, and literally no way to come back once they’ve done it
/r/Divorce_Men21/01/24 04:00 AM
2

Might just be a side effect of the anti straight men that runs through most of society these days. Like, back in the day when things were reversed, I guess a women was an awful whore when she cheated, while the man just had an ‘indiscretion’ But yes, I’m not hardcore dating right now but ‘discovering myself’ is one of many hard pass, move on phrases if I see on a bio as it means ‘I want to get dicked down by whoever I want and if you have a problem that it’s hell to pay’
/r/Divorce_Men21/01/24 03:59 AM
4

I will say cheating is almost always viewed as awful when a man does it, almost celebrated when a women does it. I leaned that with the social reaction to my best friend cheating on his wife, who was pretty awful to him, compared to my wife cheating on me, whose complaint was ‘I did too much for her’
/r/Divorce_Men21/01/24 02:51 AM
2

Well, hope those Divorce laws are lit to good work bere
/r/Divorce_Men21/01/24 02:50 AM
3

Marriages almost never end without cheating. Even if just emotional. I would say the bare minimum is a burning desire to go out and sleep with other people, even if someone has tried hard to make no effort towards that goal, (but generally it’s already started in same shape. Maybe even the odd flirty comment to a stranger on Reddit)
/r/Divorce_Men21/01/24 02:50 AM
-2

I was a Prosecutor. I prosecuted people for tons of misdemeanors waaaay less harmful than adultery. It’s a pretty awful thing, but it’s celebrated almost
/r/Divorce_Men21/01/24 02:46 AM
7

With standard like that, life at least won’t disappoint
/r/Divorce_Men21/01/24 02:46 AM
8

100% agree. Thanks for typing it all out, but most of us have had spouses that do crap like this.
/r/Divorce_Men21/01/24 02:45 AM
8

My thoughts, my best friend cheated on his wife. She was being very rude to him, stopped having sex, hating his family, publicly demeaning him. I still called him a piece of shit when he did it. But was still my friend, and let him stay with me while he figured stuff out. Like the OP, his AP was a lot less interested in him after the it was no longer ‘cheating’ for whatever reason.
/r/Divorce_Men21/01/24 02:44 AM
2

Yes, this is important. I see a lot of guys find a woman, and think she’s different than their ex, and that gets them over their ex. But…well, our ex’s were great once too
/r/Divorce_Men20/01/24 03:19 AM
1

Definitely. I was that guy in denial for way too long, when really, the moment she cheated it was over. I see folks here sometimes at that same place, and while we try to tell them, yes, she’s with other men, and no, she won’t ever come back once she’s done that, it’s hard to accept. But we can’t get better until we do.
/r/Divorce_Men19/01/24 02:14 PM
3

Definitely agree with the open dating helping to let go. My ex was pretty clearly dating when she ‘didn’t want to talk’ but she was hiding it from ‘the public’. She went public in one move, handed me the papers, said she had met a guy at her new job, moving in, and thinks she might marry him. Helped me give up any delusions I had. Easier now to dislike her for the utter vile person she turned into the moment she cheated
/r/Divorce_Men19/01/24 04:07 AM
7

You learned the secret. Women are inverse from men it seems in they they will be the best and give you the most at the start of a relationship. This period tends to last 2-3 years at which point you need to propose or she’ll stop being that amazing women and you need to end it. Said proposal will buy you 1-2 more years, at which point you need to be married. Marriage will get you another 1-2 years, and after that, it’s downhill. Sometimes you started so high going downhill can still be awesome f…
/r/Divorce_Men19/01/24 12:55 AM
3

Possibly. We were about to start a family (aborted our at most 10 week old) and it’s something I’ve always wanted. And marriage is a risk you take for that. Will I? I’m almost 38 now, was 26 when we met 36 when she left, and family might just be something I missed out on. I would never, ever consider marriage other than for kids. Ever
/r/Divorce_Men19/01/24 12:53 AM
3

Yup. Accepting it is the hardest part. I think knowing what to do can be harder than actually doing it
/r/Divorce_Men18/01/24 07:47 PM
5

I would say ‘majority who file for divorce’ as the majority of women don’t ever file
/r/Divorce_Men18/01/24 06:01 PM
3

Well, 35% of net is nice compared to many states which is up to 50% of gross, haha
/r/Divorce_Men18/01/24 05:36 PM
7

Yeah. I don’t find the data the issue, but the ‘truth’ just seems to break some guys and turn them into pretty awful people
/r/Divorce_Men18/01/24 05:03 PM
6

Well, two options, wanting to cling to the less likely one has gotten tons of men burned. We still see it here, I’ll read stories of men whose wife is clearly cheating on them but they ‘just don’t understand what happened’
/r/Divorce_Men18/01/24 04:56 PM
9

To be fair, I see it a lot here of men denying the clear fact that yes, it is an affair. And it really gets in the way of them ‘moving on’ and that’s really what they need to do. It’s good to always think of probability, not possibility. Is it possible your wife fell out of love and left with zero desire for other men, and just wants to go be a cat lady? Sure. Is it true that the vast majority of time wives leave for new dick? Definitely. Which options warrant more thought? The likely or unlikel…
/r/Divorce_Men18/01/24 03:52 PM
7

Yup. I don’t know if they(grifters imo) process the knowledge the best, but the data is there.
/r/Divorce_Men18/01/24 03:37 PM
3

Hope it gets better, man. I remember that feeling, worried something is wrong then putting together the affair. I’m not all the way better, maybe won’t be. But I remember the days of trying to hold it together at work, the bad nights in the dark. Hopefully it numbs over at some point for you too
/r/Divorce_Men18/01/24 02:46 PM
3

Yup, my career has also sadly been lackluster, but had a good job temporarily. Spent time doing some grunt level family law, did some time as a prosecutor, got into Real Estate, then the boom happened, jumped from 70k to 105k over two years, then once rates rose laid off and back to 70k. Sadly got a house with a maxed out loan while at 95k, and took on all of our marital debt and wife’s credit card debt to keep said house in divorce after she took every cent of money we had as well. Then student…
/r/Divorce_Men18/01/24 02:44 PM
2

Cash definitely too. I think if I haven’t been in such a financial crush since the divorce, I would have felt better. But, as is, I barely pay the bills each month. Maybe if I hadn’t got laid off the same time, and had that extra 2.5k a month to ‘have fun’ with, I would have bounced back quicker
/r/Divorce_Men18/01/24 02:02 PM
3

You, one thing I learned early on was not to act depressed in the open. My boss even says ‘Amoeba, how are you so happy every day?’ (I started this job 17 months after divorce, and as far as they know I’m just some unmarried dude) It’s definitely better than it was which gives me hope, but I really didn’t have a ‘bad’ marriage so it was mostly all loss for me in the divorce. So might not be as happy as I used to be, but I take heart that I can eat and sleep and smile again
/r/Divorce_Men18/01/24 01:57 PM
3

A common theme I see in ‘success’ stories is the sex, despite people saying to wait. I think the real key is to not get into a serious relationship, because that can just be divorce 2.0 in the making
/r/Divorce_Men18/01/24 01:55 PM
2

My state, while not written in stone, Jusges defaults to ‘half length of marriage’ But alimony is really state specific
/r/Divorce_Men18/01/24 01:26 PM
1

That was what i learned from the reaction when mined cheated on, compared to when my best friend cheated on his wife
/r/Divorce_Men18/01/24 01:25 PM
2

This. Literally anything you obtain during marriage is marital property, unless you did things like aquire it with assets obtained pre marriage, that were never commingled, and spouse never had access to, marital funds weren’t spent on said property l, etc.
/r/Divorce_Men18/01/24 01:24 PM
3

Dang, capped at 35% is nice.
/r/Divorce_Men18/01/24 01:22 PM
2

For your personal quality of life, you made the right call. Though I do tell people the only reason to go to law school is if you have personal connections that will link you up with a great job, or you have a cause that you want to fight for you require a law degree to do so. And I think the latter is really unfulfilling long term, so even then, eh
/r/Divorce_Men18/01/24 01:21 PM
2

Hmm, I won’t say I’m all the way better, but April will be two years for me. Over the first 10 weeks, I lost 6pm lbs and half my hair. Was basically non functional. By the end of the year, I had gotten most of weight back and was working the hair. Still wasn’t great emotionally, but I was still stuck on my wife. Hating her seems like it would helped. Past that now, and I’m doing a lot better. I won’t say I’m doing better than I was pre divorce or anything, but it’s way, way better than it was at…
/r/Divorce_Men18/01/24 01:08 PM
2

Not really, my wife kept my name. It was our…3rd to last time we talked, she said she didn’t want to bother changing everything again and would just keep it. And my last name is super super common, so it’s not like it stands out. Doesn’t bother me at all, but again, common name, so not like it has any family history to it. My mom’s maiden name is unique and has a ‘status’ in my home town, so maybe if that was my last name it would irk a bit? She also said she wasn’t planning on getting married a…
/r/Divorce_Men18/01/24 04:49 AM
1

Haha, no, she quit her job 6 weeks into being married, haha. No alimony, as my state bars it for adultery, so only positive about the entire thing. If I had to pay alimony I’d definitely lose the house. As for getting laid off, if I didn’t get another job? Maybe, but a judge could still input what I ‘should’ be making for a lawyer with my experience.
/r/Divorce_Men18/01/24 03:36 AM
3

This. I spent over a year trying to work things out, until she moved in and got engaged with another guy (not the one she had an affair with, or the endless dick she rode after that). Wish I could have processed it a lot sooner. As is, really feels like I wasted two years at a point when I really neees to be taking action as everything was falling apart, about the worst time to sit and do nothing productive
/r/Divorce_Men17/01/24 11:27 PM
3

Yes, my friends tried the ‘she’d worse and come crawling back’ thing to I guess make me feel better. But like you said, they only come back if they fail. And one thing my ex taught me is there is an endless amount of simps out there as fall back options. So yeah, the monkey branch to affair partner didn’t work, and he was a loser anyways, but gave her tingles. Was easy to monkey branch to a man in his 40s whose never been married and just has tons of money saved up as single men don’t spend much
/r/Divorce_Men17/01/24 11:23 PM
2

Yes, I have learned so many things women say is code for ‘I want lots of dick’ Seeing the world Find myself Being authentic Being true to myself Living my best life Putting myself first Reach my potential Be free All just means want lots of dick with no jisgmen
/r/Divorce_Men17/01/24 11:18 PM
1

Yes. Literally anything post marriage likely will be split. The only exceptions are clewrly marked gifts and inheritance and it’s easy to convert those into marital property.
/r/Divorce_Men17/01/24 11:14 PM
1

It’s generally pre tax, I think, since she won’t have to pay tax on it, they make sure to compute on already taxed
/r/Divorce_Men17/01/24 11:13 PM
5

Yup, my ex went from ‘I’m leaving and won’t change my mind’ to ‘I’ll think about things, give me time’ once her first branch broke. Sure enough, she found another branch and was back too ‘I don’t want to ever see you again’
/r/Divorce_Men17/01/24 07:23 PM
9

The tricky part is, it doesn’t matter if she told you do something, or told you not to do it. Still your fault
/r/Divorce_Men17/01/24 06:59 PM
2

Double standards are alive and well in romantic relationships
/r/Divorce_Men17/01/24 06:58 PM
12

Definitely changed, but it was different than yours. Initially while having the affair overseas it was ‘I need time and space a to see if I can make it on my own in my home country, I need to be around my friends and family who speak my language and understand my culture. I can’t be with a white man, you’ll never understand me’ Once she got back when i confronted her I knew she was having an affair it was ‘you are abusive to me, and I can’t understand English well so I need to get away from you …
/r/Divorce_Men17/01/24 06:10 PM
1

Has the official divorce been filed with the court? If not, likely serving notice of that
/r/Divorce_Men17/01/24 05:52 PM
1

I disagree thinking the solution is people need to accept less for themselves. You can have progress while stomping on others. We won’t stay in loin clothes because people want more for themselves, even if they have to harm others to get it
/r/Divorce_Men17/01/24 05:01 PM
4

Depends, I was the ‘non aggressive’ attorney when I did trials, and I wasn’t someone folks wanted to go against. Clients like the dog and pony show, but the actual people making decisions don’t care about that and it’ll piss them off. Or he could just be a bad attorney, twiddling his thumbs about to get rolled. But I agree, I found claims of men not getting 50/50 custody, while some merit, vastly overblown. I will Say getting a wife below 50/50 custody is very hard absent her consent or ridiculo…
/r/Divorce_Men17/01/24 03:39 PM
10

Yup, got burned by wife using all 20k before saying she was leaving
/r/Divorce_Men17/01/24 03:25 PM
1

Yup. So many friends have tried to ‘make it okay’ by saying she’s crazy and her life will be a mess, she’ll do the same the next guy, etc. But really, she’s doing fine. Used our bank account to fund an affair, once I found out she left, took the divorce money and traveled the world to find herself while having a part time office job, used said offer job to find a new guy to take care of herself, and then had that guy get her a cushy semi remote gig when she had zero experience and education. I a…
/r/Divorce_Men17/01/24 01:42 PM
8

Judge will assume at least 40 hours of min wage. Though if you’re brining in 240k a year, that won’t dull it much
/r/Divorce_Men17/01/24 04:06 AM
1

Fix it? It’s human nature. So personal accountability won’t do squat.
/r/Divorce_Men17/01/24 12:59 AM
3

I mean, yeah, that’s why it’s ‘evil’ they reap rewards, innocents pay the cost.
/r/Divorce_Men16/01/24 11:37 PM
0

Having an opportunity cost doesn’t mean it isn’t still rewarded; what was spent was worth less to them than what was gained. Generally being a selfless, good person is at odds with being a successful person.
/r/Divorce_Men16/01/24 10:40 PM
5

Did some gig bartending, but like maybe one weekend a month
/r/Divorce_Men16/01/24 07:17 PM
4

Yup, we are lied too by society and shamed for speaking truth to
/r/Divorce_Men16/01/24 06:27 PM
8

Yup, same here. My friends have tried to tell me she’s going to do worse, and I’ll do better, but two years coming in April, and she’s doing fine, just like I said. Her AP pumped and dumped her lien I said, but the world has an endless amount of (can we say simps here?) who will always take care of women. So after the AP moving on to multiple other women, she got a part job in an office, spent 4 months spending her divorce money on traveling the aorld and sampling dick, then came back, moved in …
/r/Divorce_Men16/01/24 06:26 PM
2

That’s exactly it. It wasn’t even ‘issues’ it was just, she went out on a girls night, hooked up with a rando, and decided that was it. Nothing even wrong, only reason she could give was ‘I did too much for her and it made her feel pressured’ But yeah, I feel like I missed my chance for a family. Spent the best 10 years on the above, delaying family for various reasons (I see now that was a mistake) and when I see the women now…not saying there are no good ones, but it feels a minority and they’…
/r/Divorce_Men16/01/24 03:38 PM
1

Human mind is funny. Presumably, all of us had an amazing time with our wives at the start. It’s why we got married. And then we think this new person is great, everything our current partner isn’t…and not noticing the above
/r/Divorce_Men16/01/24 03:33 PM
4

Yup. Same here, ex cheated and ended our marriage out of no where, and has received only rewards in life for it. People try to tell me about karma, or her life will be bad, but no, things will go fine. It’s just how it is
/r/Divorce_Men16/01/24 02:42 PM
3

I agree. IC wasn’t anything that gave me a breakthrough l, showed me my issues, etc. it was just someone to talk too, which I really didn’t have in life. Def agree on couple though, it can be helpful having a 3rd party exposed to wife’s actions so you know you’re not crazy
/r/Divorce_Men16/01/24 02:04 PM
3

Definitely the saying yes to everything and not talking about and being happy. It didn’t work for me, and I’ve started pulling back on it, but it’s worth a shot and will at least make you appreciate having the freedom
/r/Divorce_Men16/01/24 01:00 PM
1

Just double standard. Seeing escorts is no different than their compare, but watch what happens if you say one word in condemnation against that
/r/Divorce_Men16/01/24 12:59 PM
3

Yes, as someone who got back into dating in Aug 2023 after his wife cheated and left in April 2022, thst has been my experience with OLD. Younger women are just…well, ‘ho phase’ is spoken of proudly in Gen Z culture these days. And man, they are in it. So, no chance of having a real relationship, as monogamy just isn’t cool right now. (I’ve talked with some gen z conworkers right now, and it’s a weird stance they have on all this, but not the place) Same with older women, they were either clearl…
/r/Divorce_Men16/01/24 12:58 PM
4

Yup, my ex did some awful things to me (not as bad as OP though) and everyone always tries to say ‘oh, it’ll go bad, she’ll come crawling back, etc’ But you know what, it probably won’t happen. There is just no mechanism for punishing non-criminal acts, and frequently, bad behavior is not self destructive or is beneficial. It’s just life. It’s not good or fair, and trying to soothe oneself with lies ain’t my style
/r/Divorce_Men16/01/24 12:33 PM
2

My ex was pump and dumped, she kept me in the ‘I’ll think about our marriage’ stage until she found a guy at work to shack up with.
/r/Divorce_Men16/01/24 04:39 AM
1

My experience with OLD has been similar. But, I’m not hard up for sex, but others all you want, well, see what you budget would look like? I’m not sure how much it would actually cost as a regular thing
/r/Divorce_Men16/01/24 02:20 AM
3

Friends matter a lot. There are tons of hard stats on what is bad for marriages, but saying to avoid those behaviors gets met with ‘insecure’ or whatever. I think by the Tim they’re using buzzwords it’s too late, the rot has set in
/r/Divorce_Men16/01/24 01:53 AM
1

Mine best friend who cheated, he’s pretty much had to lose all freedom to keep the marriage. Never allowed to be alone outside the house, location on phone, dash cam on car, wife constantly checks his phone, etc. It’s been 2 years now, and at times, I feel him cracking a bit.
/r/Divorce_Men15/01/24 11:58 PM
3

Yup, get to a figure you can hold without a crazy schedule (because once you start fucking, your gym time will go way down) and get a tailored style. I’m slender, so I’ve been dressing more Asian style, they carry well on my frame
/r/Divorce_Men15/01/24 11:55 PM
3

Said coven gleefully supported my wife’s affair, covered for her, encouraged her, etc
/r/Divorce_Men15/01/24 11:53 PM
8

So much this. I’ve had to end things with one women over ‘not sensing real desire’ even though she kept wanting to go out, and I’ve had multiple I could tell some other man hurt them and I sure as hell wasn’t going to ‘meet her raised standards’ or whatever it was
/r/Divorce_Men15/01/24 11:52 PM
5

It’s shown through studies that wives almost always lose attraction for their husbands, while it’s a minority for the reverse. It it happens not matter what behavior on the husband you control for. I think your explanation is definitely a factor. But it’s more that something in her changes to try to start ‘changing’ him when at the start she just let him do whatever he wanted. I have thoughts on that, but. It really the place
/r/Divorce_Men15/01/24 11:51 PM
23

They usually are lots. The trouble is them staying that way. Most of our GFs didn’t treat us like this, but our wives did.
/r/Divorce_Men15/01/24 10:57 PM
1

Well, too late on that front, haha. Like most divorces l, people leave because they met someone else. But yeah, kids make it harder. If want to maintain max time with kids, gets extra tricky
/r/Divorce_Men15/01/24 10:40 PM
1

Yeah, I haven’t tried much past OLD. I’ve had women in their 30s who wanted to skip the good parts and ‘catch up’ on lost time and jump right into entitlement. It was always an awful time. I had a good time with a younger woman, but despite saying she wanted to settle down, she really didn’t, and well, I wasn’t looking to just have fun so it didn’t last. My friend group is all married up right now, most with kids. I dont think I know an actual single women out of the dozens interact with in my l…
/r/Divorce_Men15/01/24 10:19 PM
5

Alimony ending upon cohabitation or marriage is automatic in my state, so I’m sure you can find a way to swing it.
/r/Divorce_Men15/01/24 07:23 PM
6

Yup and the sad part is I don’t know of any way of stopping the former from eventually turning into the latter
/r/Divorce_Men15/01/24 07:02 PM
1

Yup, it’s hard to prove to the necessary courtroom standard, and as that would require a trial, expensive. Depending on what evidence you have, and what alimony looks like for you, might be worth it. I had the conversation when I confronted her and asked to try to work it out recorded, which helped
/r/Divorce_Men15/01/24 03:24 PM
2

It’s rough. It’s hard to accept our wives cheat on us. We deny it for a long time, no matter how obvious it would be to others. And once we can’t deny it any longer, we think we can do something to save our marriage. But the thing is, we can’t. Once your wife lets another man fuck her, no matter what you want, she’s not your wife anymore. She won’t love you ever again, it can’t be how it was, you cannot start over. It doesn’t compute with how we as men think, but it’s true. Once you can accept i…
/r/Divorce_Men15/01/24 02:46 PM
2

Hmm, actually does have a right to your retirement, haha. It’s not fair like that. But is the law, just go read the ‘how much divorce cost you’ post for some sad examples. I got off light and barely had a 402k due to her spending habits, but she got what was there despite never working or doing any chores
/r/Divorce_Men15/01/24 01:16 PM
2

Yup. It’s a little late here, obviously, but in my state you have to live apart a year before you can file, but you can sum up the terms of the divorce in a separation agreement. I had my wife sign one about 6 weeks out when she was still in the affair fog and just wanted money now. Once that wore off, she feels I cheated her out of the house (pretty much let her have everything else in exchange for her equity) but paperwork was signed and we didn’t have anything else to talk about so we really …
/r/Divorce_Men15/01/24 01:14 PM
3

Same here. Two years out, and feels wasted. I almost never used to look at my phone, now I’m a doom scroller. Haven’t been able to take much pleasure ‘finding myself’ as hobbies are…just a cope. It doesn’t help I was laid off the day after she said wanted a divorce, and I’ve spent the two years basically with zero money struggling to get back to where I was financially. But yup, work and gym during the weekday are my contents, hang out with friends on the weekend, go for a very long run outside …
/r/Divorce_Men15/01/24 01:10 PM
3

Yeah, my experience in the apps. While it’s harder to find women the ‘old’ way now, I have to think you have a much higher chance of finding a ‘good’ woman who’s not on the apps. Those are kinda self selecting and not a fair representation of the population, and it’s not a positive bias. But yeah, the 30 year old women I went out with basically wanted to skip and go straight to the bad part of marriage (for me) and skipping the good parts that make getting there worth to, the younger women, whil…
/r/Divorce_Men15/01/24 12:17 PM
3

I did individual counseling for about a year after the divorce, mostly because I was trying to save my marriage and wanted someone to talk too because if I had told any of my friends or family what my ex had done, the marriage could never have continued (which shows how delusional I was). I don’t think it helped me much, personally. It wasn’t bad or anything, if it was free it would have been great, but for how much it cost it wasn’t worth it to have someone to talk to for an hour every other we…
/r/Divorce_Men15/01/24 12:12 PM
6

In a similar situation, last single at 25, suddenly single at 35, and really not sure what to do. I would have killed for a day to do nothing while married too….but just a day. It gets old real fast. I really don’t care for my old hobbies anymore, just pointless waste of time. Good for stress relief and relaxing, awful at being a ‘lifestyle’. Same thing, all my friends married with kids, so our lives are not on the same track anymore. Awkward to hang out, but I guess I’m an okay ‘uncle’ to bunch…
/r/Divorce_Men15/01/24 04:37 AM
3

It helped my best friend. They went to counseling after he cheated, and it was a factor in them staying together. Mostly because he had cheated in part because she was being really, really, awful to him, and the counselor helped her understand that while it doesn’t excuse cheating, she had been a really shitty wife
/r/Divorce_Men15/01/24 04:25 AM
1

I was a prosecutor for years, and committing adultery on someone is way worse than a lot of the shit people did to others in lower court. Yet not only is there no punishment, but it’s rewarded, praised, and supported. It’s about the most twisted thing I’ve dealt with. I mean, i dealt with some evil shit, but it was well, acknowledged and approached like evil.
/r/Divorce_Men15/01/24 01:24 AM
3

Well, NC, no Alimony if she cheats. Maybe some seduction service out there. (I jest, I know)
/r/Divorce_Men14/01/24 04:29 PM
1

Yup. My ex said similar things. Even though she was the one who quit her job without asking me and didn’t want to see people afterwards as she was embarrassed. I reeled her find multiple other jobs, but she said her anxiety had gotten too bad to work, and I told her it was fine, we had enough money so she didn’t have to do anything she didn’t want too. Which, in general, I’ve learned women hate putting it on them like that for anything.
/r/Divorce_Men14/01/24 01:35 PM
4

She also might not, life could go amazing for her. Either way, he needs to be at the point that doesn’t either way
/r/Divorce_Men14/01/24 12:05 PM
9

I feel like it can happen when they realize they’re on the cusp of loosing that ability for ‘any man will fuck me’ and want to dive back into that before it goes. But, they have to justify something else for it in their mind, hence the new persona
/r/Divorce_Men14/01/24 02:23 AM
9

Yup. It’s very normal. As for why exactly, wh knows, but it does happen. My take it’s a way of coping with what they’ve done, as it’s not a ‘good’ decision, morally and even health wise. So, a new reality needs to be created so they can’t be blamed for said decision, and there persons helps with that. My ex was never into the festival scene, religion, or marathons, but after she left, that’s all she does now
/r/Divorce_Men14/01/24 02:22 AM
5

In a same boat, I’ve been badly sick a few times since the divorce, an honestly, it’s a bit scary when you really have no one close. Parents dead, sister in another street, very few friends left after divorce, and they all have 2+ kids so not exactly full of time. Sitting on bed feeling like I’m dying from a fever being all on my own wasn’t fun, but hey, I didn’t die. You won’t either
/r/Divorce_Men13/01/24 11:44 PM
3

This. Cost me 5k when my wife left and refused to file joint with me. She did so much to me, and couldn’t even extend that little olive branch. Like, she had drained our bank account of everything on the way out
/r/Divorce_Men13/01/24 09:56 PM
2

It’s a plan. Keeping the house has pretty much put into a zero money situation for the moment. By March next year, $300 a month of debt I assumed will fall off, an if I can get my income back to wear it was before my lay off (day after she left that hit) I can qualify for a HELOC on my house to consolidate the remaining debt and save myself almost $500 a month. Combined with the extra $1500 a month getting back to that salary would do, I could afford a car payment then. So that’s my goal right n…
/r/Divorce_Men13/01/24 06:22 PM
6

My ex was the same person in the sense a raw chicken breast and a burnt chicken breast are technically the same breast
/r/Divorce_Men13/01/24 06:49 AM
3

I’m not sure about popular, but useful, sure isn’t
/r/Divorce_Men13/01/24 05:52 AM
1

I understand. I’m bought my care and he month before starting dating. It was a ‘nice’ car to have brand new when we were dating. We both lived with our parents, so we spent the majority of our first two years together in that car. A lot of good memories. We always rode together everywhere, dr, shopping, everything. She was a total passenger princess. Went on a lot of road trips in it. Still feels really weird not having her in the passenger seat. Always feel ill loom over and still see her there
/r/Divorce_Men13/01/24 05:41 AM
6

A few things, You need to stop looking at her. ‘No Contact’ doesn’t change reality, but our brains don’t care about reality. It’s a mind trick, but take advantage of how our brains are wired. Second, it doesn’t get better for everyone than before your divorce. Some folks it does, for various reasons that’s another post. What WILL happen is you will ‘get better’ than you were -after- the divorce.
/r/Divorce_Men13/01/24 05:28 AM
3

Haven’t yet. Was making 6 figures in real estate law, interest rates when up and market tanked, got laid off literally the day after she said she was divorcing and left. She had drained the bank account on the way out, we had a lot of debt, so I took the first job I could, which was a 40% pay cut as the market was falling apart. I wanted to keep the house, as we had a 2.75 interest rate, and with the market dip, would barely make anything if we sold. Doing so led to me taking on our debt as well…
/r/Divorce_Men13/01/24 04:18 AM
6

Congratulations! Understanding your wife had to permanently destroy who she was to have sex with another man, and will never be who she was is the key. She’s not your wife, she’s not someone you have history with, she’s just someone who treats you worse than the rest of the world combined
/r/Divorce_Men13/01/24 02:25 AM
1

This. If it’s on the mind, it’s too late
/r/Divorce_Men13/01/24 02:13 AM
1

For over a year it literally was only mind every second. It’s gotten better in year 2
/r/Divorce_Men13/01/24 02:05 AM
6

This isn100% true. It’s scary how true it is
/r/Divorce_Men13/01/24 01:22 AM
12

I’ve seen plenty of men admit they fucked up. I’ve never seen a women do it in divorce. And I did family law for a bit
/r/Divorce_Men13/01/24 01:21 AM
1

Happened to my friend. They went to counseling, counselor basically said it was his wife’s fault, she was being a very unreasonable, so she flipped, they never went back, he cheated on her a few months later.
/r/Divorce_Men13/01/24 01:20 AM
3

What exactly this at stake here? That’s not long enough for alimony, so your income doesn’t matter. Did you buy a ton of assets in those 9 months or something?
/r/Divorce_Men13/01/24 12:43 AM
2

Yup. Didn’t mention it to me either that she had even received it, heard about it from someone else
/r/Divorce_Men12/01/24 09:06 PM
2

I inherited 50k from my dead mom in Dec, put it as a down payment on a house in Feb, and she cheated in April. Her name was on the deed, so I had to buy her out. Life I guess. Ain’t supposed to be fair
/r/Divorce_Men12/01/24 08:41 PM
4

Hmm, I tried sending flowers on our anniversary, she had left about 6 weeks prior to it. It was the same bouquet I gave her when I had proposed 7 years earlier. She donated it to her church
/r/Divorce_Men12/01/24 08:38 PM
12

This. It’s 99% this. My ex did the same thing, told everyone I was abusive and told her she couldn’t work and kept her in the house, when what I had said was ‘it’s fine if you don’t want to work, it’s fine if you don’t want to see those people’. Quite literally can’t mentally handle something being her fault.
/r/Divorce_Men12/01/24 08:36 PM
5

There really isn’t a great answer when one party decides sex is over, children are involved, and otherwise, the relationship is stable.
/r/Divorce_Men12/01/24 08:32 PM
6

Not feeling anything would be the ‘best’ feeling
/r/Divorce_Men12/01/24 06:43 PM
1

It’s true. It sounds stupid, but it’s true
/r/Divorce_Men12/01/24 05:22 PM
1

I’ve never seen a women pull the trigger and dick not be involved. That other stuff can push them towards dick, that ‘s true, but the dick is what gets them to make a move. And it’s too late once they do, there is no coming back. I’ve been in that slot, and I railed against reality for far too long
/r/Divorce_Men12/01/24 05:18 PM
1

It’s really hard for men to accept this. I know it was for me. Then the next step is accepting that if she’s cheating, it means the marriage is 100% dead, and she will never come back (except to use you temporarily). That’s also hard to accept.
/r/Divorce_Men12/01/24 05:17 PM
1

Most of my clients are Indian, and I notice some have a severe distrust of the legal system (I’m an attorney) because it was very corrupt back home
/r/Divorce_Men12/01/24 05:14 PM
1

My friends wife is on that track. We late 30s now, and she talks constantly about how lucky men get aging compared to women, and is increasingly keeping her husband in her sight. Little unusual, as she cheated on him, and he later cheated on her, sorta (they were on a break), then they got engaged
/r/Divorce_Men12/01/24 05:13 PM
1

Well, it’ll feel like it exists for you for a little bit. Just how our minds work.
/r/Divorce_Men12/01/24 05:01 PM
4

You are correct there. Open marrriages or a disaster in general, and particularly in this case it would be catastrophic.
/r/Divorce_Men12/01/24 04:57 PM
5

Nothing is more depressing than the vacations where you’re not on an intimate level. It’ll just make things worse
/r/Divorce_Men12/01/24 04:32 PM
2

On the bright side, our human mind will protect us from they, and try to rationlize that it was ‘worth it’ so we can process mistakes. I’m sure in a different community, with a different target audience, the reaction would a unanimous ‘follow your feelings’ which explains why folks here suffer a lot
/r/Divorce_Men12/01/24 04:31 PM
1

It really will. I hate that it’s the case, but no contact is really the only answer. It’s be nice if it wasn’t, but divorce is a pretty big death blow to a relationship
/r/Divorce_Men12/01/24 04:30 PM
3

I know it’s hard, but I’d seriously think kn the dog situation if that’s the only reason you have to be contact.
/r/Divorce_Men12/01/24 02:40 PM
3

I wish more guys would. The number of guys here who try and work it out not understanding there wife is with another man does immeasurable harm to them. And it’s the most common case
/r/Divorce_Men12/01/24 01:51 PM
1

Sex is a grant canary in the coal mine
/r/Divorce_Men12/01/24 01:50 PM
4

Saw it as a prosecutor too, really, to a lesser extent l. Some jobs just seem to cultivate an environment that fosters infidelity
/r/Divorce_Men12/01/24 01:50 PM
3

I will just say, when a woman wants a divorce, separation, etc, and you not absolutely certain you know the reason (like, your abusive spouse or a cheater), it’s about new dick. Often, they already have the new dick. Sometimes, they just want the freedom to go chase it. But unless you have a strong reason to know it’s absolutely not the case (which I’ve rarely seen) safe to assume, it’s for another dick. And what the means is, there is no coming back. A man can stray and still love his wife, it …
/r/Divorce_Men12/01/24 01:49 PM
7

The number of divorced men I see singing the praises of their new woman, saying their divorce was worth it to find her, and how it turns long term is depressing. I’ll just say there’s a reason divorce rates are 50% higher for marriage 2+
/r/Divorce_Men12/01/24 01:46 PM
4

Can’t say it’s always wrong to be selfish. I sure know my life could have gone a lot easier if I was willing to.
/r/Divorce_Men12/01/24 01:45 PM
2

Having kids does reduce your ability to ‘walk away’ unless you’re abandoning them. Unless we’re being pedantic, which is probably the case
/r/Divorce_Men12/01/24 01:38 PM
1

This would be my guess.
/r/Divorce_Men12/01/24 01:13 PM
1

Off topic, but things will get worse after marriage. If the relationship is so unstable before it, do not get married. It will save you a ton of pain
/r/Divorce_Men12/01/24 01:12 PM
1

Yup, when I first started out, I didn’t charge because I was hungry for business. Got a lot of people using me for free legal advice.
/r/Divorce_Men12/01/24 01:11 PM
2

While I’m not sure why can’t be reasonable, the easier question is, is there a reason you need her to? It sounds easier to just ignore her, and hopefully with the 11 months and 5 sex you didn’t have kids.
/r/Divorce_Men12/01/24 01:09 PM
4

Well, I asked religious. That response wasn’t really an accurate one, but it was what I was expecting
/r/Divorce_Men12/01/24 01:01 PM
3

Yup, most of my difficulties in life originate from caring how my actions impact others. It really is easier to just not care, and do what’s best for me
/r/Divorce_Men12/01/24 12:54 PM
4

Well, on the bri the side, if you hate her, and she’s a stbx, it’s going the right direction. Honestly, hate makes it easier, just don’t do anything stupid because of it
/r/Divorce_Men12/01/24 12:53 PM
1

Life’s easy when we focus on ourselves
/r/Divorce_Men12/01/24 12:51 PM
1

I will certainly say everyone thinks poorly of the person constraining new bodies around the kids, either gender
/r/Divorce_Men12/01/24 12:48 PM
2

You’re probably right, I don’t think separation is helpful if you want a marriage to continue. Actually sorts the worst thing. But more importantly, how’s that sound for you? Ending at this point will be an allot easier and more likely than the alternative, so if you’re leaning that way, it definitely helps to have a focus
/r/Divorce_Men12/01/24 12:47 PM
6

Well, this is a divorce sub. Which means marriage, and frequently, kids. It sorta destroys that entire philosophy in a practical sense
/r/Divorce_Men12/01/24 12:46 PM
5

Why’d you have kids? That seems dumb
/r/Divorce_Men12/01/24 12:42 PM
3

Not a religious man, I take it?
/r/Divorce_Men12/01/24 12:41 PM
7

Well, yeah, it’s selfish. A better question is, is it immoral to be selfish? Or even, die morals matter, or results?
/r/Divorce_Men12/01/24 12:30 PM
1

Hmm, not sure. In NC, the date chosen in the separation date, not the divorce date. You can’t exactly fudge the divorce date, or the served date, as those are fixed to objective dates. You could fudge the date when separation began, and my ex did, but she did so to file for divorce earlier than the one year separation would allow. Which, I easily could have challenged, but would have been pointless
/r/Divorce_Men12/01/24 05:31 AM
4

I don’t think premarital counseling helps at all. Our wives did not for the most part have any of the intentions of doing what they did it’s not that long-term of decision.
/r/Divorce_Men12/01/24 12:54 AM
1

I’ll just say, the difference here is no women will ever admit they had failings. Used to do family law, never saw it. It’s bizarre
/r/Divorce_Men12/01/24 12:19 AM
3

Hmm, we were together 9 years, but only married 6.5. Kinda fits?
/r/Divorce_Men12/01/24 12:18 AM
3

Heck, my dad started dating two weeks after Mom died, and I never forgave him for that fully
/r/Divorce_Men11/01/24 08:31 PM
1

The BJ is a barometer for how attractive a women finds you. If she not into you, she won’t want to suck you. Typically, that won’t end till marriage, but if it happens to you pre marriage, well, time for you disengage too
/r/Divorce_Men11/01/24 08:30 PM
5

I spent some time on the DB sub, and it’s amazing how often that was the case. Turns out people just dont stop suddenly wanting sex, they just want it with someone else
/r/Divorce_Men11/01/24 07:09 PM
1

It doesn’t matter who spent what during the marriage (I was burned by this) and it doesn’t matter what she wants to do after divorce. Assets will be split 50/50 (includes most everything, even pension), Alimony will be paid out based on local customs. You can spend a lot of money and attorney fees arguing this, but onshore it usually lands here
/r/Divorce_Men11/01/24 02:20 PM
1

Definitely. Realtors are…well, they don’t have a ton of use, and certainly not for divorce valuations.
/r/Divorce_Men11/01/24 02:19 PM
3

I do, but I wasn’t the one who filed, and I had a ‘sudden’ divorce where she cheated while on vacation with a rando and decided more rando D was what she needed. I kinda wish I had the ‘bad’ side during our marriage, it would have made it easier to get where I am. She was plenty bad after the cheating though
/r/Divorce_Men11/01/24 02:09 PM
1

Yup, going to keep trying, but I have to say my ‘bad feelings’ haven’t been off yet on the dates, which probably means I need a better place to meet women, as the ones I am aren’t what you describe, hah
/r/Divorce_Men11/01/24 02:03 PM
3

This. I’ve seen many men admit they did something very very wrong. Never seen it it from a divorced wife
/r/Divorce_Men10/01/24 10:57 PM
3

Yup, I still get them and I’ll be two years out come April. I take solace in the fact they are nearly as common, at the start it was an every night thing, now it’s once a week or something. I think like OP and you both said, life not going great otherwise makes it worse, but that the fact it’s happening still contributes to life not being able to get better For me, I got laid off the day after the divorce, and keeping the house put me into a financial situation I still struggle under. I think if…
/r/Divorce_Men10/01/24 05:59 PM
2

Yeah, no point waiting around if she said she’s going to do it
/r/Divorce_Men10/01/24 12:36 PM
1

Tomorrow burns you too, same as yesterday. I just worry about today
/r/Divorce_Men10/01/24 12:32 PM
1

Yeah, it’s my one regret on what I did. My friend say ‘she would have cheated eventually’ but without going into too topics we don’t talk about here, I have my doubts that the situation didn’t factor
/r/Divorce_Men10/01/24 04:59 AM
2

It’s weird, in my state you have to be living apart for a year before you can even file. Can’t imagine getting served while still living together, talk about potential blindsides. Here, you know it’s coming, just not the exact moment.
/r/Divorce_Men09/01/24 11:40 PM
5

She filed, cheated while overseas, when she got back moved out and said she would think about things. Said they up until she found some other guy, and served me when they got engaged
/r/Divorce_Men09/01/24 11:38 PM
1

Not sure, my state you can’t file if you’re still living in the same house
/r/Divorce_Men09/01/24 10:39 PM
1

I agree. There seems to be a strong response to divorce that ‘it was for the best, and things will be better than they were before’ as trying to accept otherwise makes it too hard to process
/r/Divorce_Men09/01/24 06:31 PM
2

Yup. I’m sure many of our wives seemed amazing until one day they got the itch for another dick and it destroyed everything
/r/Divorce_Men09/01/24 08:34 AM
1

That latter part is left unsaid. I wasn’t hit nearly as hard, but it did put me into essentially the negatives, which really limits opportunities when you’re underwater
/r/Divorce_Men09/01/24 08:26 AM
5

Not nearly as as it could have been. My state has. I alimony for cheating, which obviously was the case, and we had no kids. 2 months prior to her cheating, we bought a house, the 50k down payment came from my inheritance separate money, but I converted that into marital property by getting the house with it. While overseas cheating, she drained our ban account of 20k. When she came back, I scrapped together every cent I could to give her 5k to get started. We had 18k on a credit card we opened …
/r/Divorce_Men09/01/24 08:25 AM
2

Yup, I haven’t found one yet, but only been trying since September. Had only bad experiences so far. Worried that even if I do find a good women, well, thought I had a good women once, and folks seem even more likely to stray now than they used too
/r/Divorce_Men08/01/24 06:10 PM
3

It gets better, I couldn’t sleep or eat when my wife first left. Over the first 10 weeks I lost 60 lbs and half my hair. I won’t say it gets better than pre divorce, as that depends on how your marriage was. But it definitely won’t be as bad as the first few weeks after she walks away for other men
/r/Divorce_Men08/01/24 01:46 PM
1

In my state, the date of separation is one one party moved out with the intention of not coming back. So, you could file for divorce my state at any time now. My ex wife did the move out and say for months she’s ’thinking about it’ then filed for divorce when she was ready without ever actually asking me for one
/r/Divorce_Men08/01/24 01:45 PM
2

Hard to say. With one exception, all of my dates have been through OLD, and I don’t get a ton of matches, so I think maybe I’m reaching. And as I get closer, I also start to think of all ‘bad’ parts of a relationship and fear I’m making a mistake. I suppose if I took a different tack and just was going for minimal investment, upfront nothing serious, just sex, it might be ‘better’ as for excitement, but that hasn’t really ever been me.
/r/Divorce_Men08/01/24 01:22 PM
1

The worst for me was a year after we stopped talking, which was 10 weeks after she left, she called me out to hand my the divorce papers. She did it over dinner for some reason, and like an idiot, I accepted. She didn’t want to talk about anything until after dinner, and the dinner was almost like it used to be. Felt the most ‘natural’ I’d felt since she left. Course, talk was basically not only to serve me papers, but tell me she wanted to do it because she was living with a guy (reason she cut…
/r/Divorce_Men08/01/24 07:45 AM
4

Yes, with your level of assets, it’s probably more than we can adequately prepare you for financial. But, means you can afford a good lawyer, which is key. As for getting custody, the fact you both work helps. Frequently, the wife is a SAHM, so the kids basically default to her, and the Husband literally gives more of his money to her than he gets to keep. The house you can keep, depends on what she agrees. Typically will require a buy out, and if you want custody, owning the house helps as it’s…
/r/Divorce_Men08/01/24 07:42 AM
3

Yup, she was very anti hook up prior. I met her through a friend, (who is a creep, I admit) and he and his gf had suggested to her many times to get on Tinder and just get laid, which she thought was disgusting. I guess after being with one man for almost 10 years, hook ups sound a lot better
/r/Divorce_Men08/01/24 07:38 AM
6

Sounds a lot like me. Wife had an affair overseas, came back. Said she wanted to back to be with AP, but would think about things. Next two months, she keeps saying that, but was going on dating apps and bars. Obviously not telling me that. Eventually she finds a co worker to date, and then says she’s thought about it and she doesn’t have to say anything, is her answer. Last time I spoke to her. Better now than when it happened, lost 60 lbs and half my hair the first 10 weeks. Life is still wors…
/r/Divorce_Men08/01/24 06:54 AM
2

Yup. I get confused by the ‘it happens, deal’ type responses. Sort of mindset that if actual applied in an consistent mean defeats…well, almost any conversation
/r/Divorce_Men08/01/24 06:26 AM
8

Yup, I had a friend send me a screen shot of my wife on Tinder. Which is funny, as she thought the site was disgusting before she met me and during my marriage. Apparently the best place to find yourself is through dicks, who knew?
/r/Divorce_Men08/01/24 06:25 AM
5

Yup. I’ve seen it with my friends. I have a few friends who almost literally have women throwing themselves at them. Obviously, they’re very good looking. Then other friends who aren’t bad looking at all, above average really, but nothing
/r/Divorce_Men08/01/24 06:23 AM
18

I completely understand the ‘less excited as the date approaches’ it’s been my feeling for the 5 women I’ve gone out with. Really, I liked my wife, and haven’t liked many other women in my life. But, like you said, she’s a lying cheater.
/r/Divorce_Men08/01/24 06:18 AM
7

Yes. It’s hard, but it’s what we all here need to accept. If you don’t immediately know why your wife is doing this (ie you cheated or something) it’s because she wants to have sex with other men. She’s probably already doing it, but that’s not really relevant to the point
/r/Divorce_Men07/01/24 10:19 PM
3

‘Working on herself’ ‘finding herself’ ‘discover herself’ etc is almost always just ‘I want to have sex with other men’
/r/Divorce_Men07/01/24 02:36 PM
4

It’s hard, but you’re right. And it makes it harder in the long run for us men denying it
/r/Divorce_Men07/01/24 10:48 AM
1

Yup. If you know why the divorce is happening, it’s probably because you fucked up and honestly deserve it. It it ‘doesn’t make any sense’ it’s because she is with or wants to be with another man, and don’t cede an inch to her
/r/Divorce_Men06/01/24 10:19 PM
0

Yup, got her a 10k ring, which isn’t much I know, but for me at the time it was huge. She wouldn’t even tell me what she did with it two months after she walked off
/r/Divorce_Men06/01/24 10:15 PM
2

Yup. File for partition. Maybe the summons will motivate them. If not, we’ll, partition’s are awful, expensive, and time consuming, but if the alternative is someone living on in your property while you see no benefit, its the better choice
/r/Divorce_Men06/01/24 10:14 PM
1

So…they’re just random? The ‘norm’ can be unfair, you know? Sorry, but my experience in front of judges and talking in chambers with them for years says otherwise. Obviously each Judge has their quirks, and it’s your lawyers job to now what that judges quirks are
/r/Divorce_Men06/01/24 09:29 PM
1

We do. I think most of these ties back into evolution, essentially, but whatever it is, yes, it’s harder for a man to move on
/r/Divorce_Men06/01/24 09:26 PM
2

It’s hard to say, but the majority time, a wife leaves because she wants to age sec with other men. And a wife who takes that step and sleeps with another man is done with him forever. The only reason she would come back would be if she fails to secure a life by herself or with another man, and needs someone to stir the pot until she can
/r/Divorce_Men06/01/24 09:20 PM
1

Hopefully his lawyer can tell him the ‘norm’ and if that’s acceptable to him, fight for that. Judges need good reason to go against the norm. They don’t like to rock the boat
/r/Divorce_Men06/01/24 09:18 PM
1

Definitely, my ex went through a year long ho phase after she left before settling down with a co worker who had been part of her rotation
/r/Divorce_Men06/01/24 04:13 PM
3

Yup, it’s why so many women ‘glow up’ when they divorce, as they’re looking to lock down a new man
/r/Divorce_Men06/01/24 04:13 PM
3

Yup, marriage can’t coexist with that mindset.
/r/Divorce_Men06/01/24 03:30 PM
4

Yup, mine too. Said for months she ‘needed time to think’ and whole time she was dating and getting fucked. I’ve heard the story enough that the default isn’t a wife makes the decision to leave, and it’s not obvious why, it’s because she wants new dick and is done with you forever
/r/Divorce_Men06/01/24 02:25 PM
3

Yup, and while my ex cheated because the call of ‘finding herself’ in new dicks was too strong, the reason she finally settled on was ‘you did too much for me and it made me feel pressured’ even though her being co-dependent as well, she demanded. So, it won’t even help you at all in anyway. Just all downside
/r/Divorce_Men06/01/24 12:55 PM
3

Yeah, I think in some relationships, it is a thing. Like, if everything is fine and the sparks just gone. But if the situation is actively toxic, that’s another matter
/r/Divorce_Men06/01/24 12:39 PM
2

Divorce statistics and anecdotal evidence from places like here seem to bear it out as much more common than the reverse
/r/Divorce_Men06/01/24 12:37 PM
3

At least they don’t change for the better. I’ve seen overnight changes into devils, but never into an angel
/r/Divorce_Men06/01/24 12:36 PM
5

Definitely. One of the things I loved the most about my wife is how she could get really happy about things. I’m very even keel, and never really feel those highs, but I felt it by proxy when I did things they made her feel haloyy
/r/Divorce_Men06/01/24 12:35 PM
5

It’s just how it goes. Like a lot of things in life, it’s different for each. Not fair, of course, but none of this has been fair to any of us, haha
/r/Divorce_Men06/01/24 02:43 AM
5

Yup. At a base, men have more to lose. It’s easy for women to find a new man, not so much to find a new woman. Add on the man usually in the ‘earner’ and it puts everything at risk, as there is almost no security. Women put little up; just the time they put in, frequently. It’s no wonder that it’s easier to walk away, then toss in the fact they seem to lose attraction as some sort of biological factor, and marriage seems…well, what many of us experienced
/r/Divorce_Men05/01/24 08:39 PM
6

I didn’t know either, haha. But here is one below. Since 2020 I’ve seen a number of articles notice this trend https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/cultural-animal/202201/how-sexual-desire-changes-after-marriage
/r/Divorce_Men05/01/24 06:24 PM
2

My ex bounced at 34, but I’ve heard from a co worker at work said her husband co workers were all going through divorce, and it was what you said. Wives got into the 40s, and for whatever reason, started leaving
/r/Divorce_Men05/01/24 05:23 PM
1

Tell me about. I really liked my married life, and miss it. Also terrified of being on a situation where the same thing can happen, just evil done to me for no reason, from my most vulnerable spot.
/r/Divorce_Men05/01/24 05:11 PM
10

There been a few articles I’ve read on that, I guess we’re not supposed to link? But yup, multiple studies have shown the majority of wife’s are going to lose sexual attraction to their husband over the first 5 years of marriage, independent of anything their husband does. And only a small minority of husbands will lose sexual interest in their wives, and that is usually linked to physical change when it happens. It’s somewhat helpful knowing it ‘wasn’t out fault’ but almost makes it worse if yo…
/r/Divorce_Men05/01/24 05:09 PM
5

I don’t think we’re ever I’ll enough to make it a good idea raising another man’s kids, haha. Can have fun with their mother, but put some boundtherr
/r/Divorce_Men05/01/24 05:02 PM
2

Yup, and generally, a lower end attorney will know enough to give some rough guidance anywaus
/r/Divorce_Men05/01/24 01:20 PM
3

Seems crazy to suggest 18m as a ‘long’ time to wait for marriage, but I’ve seen these second marriages. They go fast. Probably a factor for why the divorce rate is 50% higher for them. I understand, divorce is awful, and we’re all hopeful it was for a ‘reason’ and finding our ‘real love’ seems to make it all worth it, but….its all the same. Probably worse
/r/Divorce_Men05/01/24 03:32 AM
2

Not sure about NY, but in NC it’s usually half the length of the marriage
/r/Divorce_Men05/01/24 03:30 AM
3

Asking a women to admit she’s being a bad person will never be successful. They’ll rationalize their desire for new dick to be the most righteous cause possible
/r/Divorce_Men05/01/24 03:26 AM
5

Same with me. She wanted to sell the house, I didn’t want too because we had a good interest rate and the market had taken a dip, so we’d barely get anything if we sold. She wanted to start the separation timer immediately, she left the next day to move on with a friend. I also paid for all moving expenses, even though I was broke from her draining our van account. Also realized after all her stuff was gone I barely owned anything. Over our 7 years together I had slowly had everything I owned th…
/r/Divorce_Men05/01/24 03:25 AM
4

Haha, no, I wouldn’t be in this sub if we were. She left right before we had kids; actually have suspicions she got an abortion.
/r/Divorce_Men04/01/24 11:27 PM
1

Haha, no, she never did. I was always out the door before she woke up. If anything, I would make her coffee after dinner. Bring her some coffee and a snack so she could sit on the PC while I cleaned up. (Having your wife watch you clean is a bad idea for a few reasons)
/r/Divorce_Men04/01/24 09:44 PM
3

What makes it worse for me, is some men will say ‘that sweet women never existed’ as a way to cope, like you were tricked. I think truth is much more frightful, she did exist, she just changed, often overnight, and due to nothing connected to you. How can you trust something, not matter how great it seems now, when it can instantly change and there is nothing you can do about it? I’m always worried when I see a divorced man talking about great his new GF is, and how great his divorce turned out …
/r/Divorce_Men04/01/24 09:08 PM
1

Haha, it’s true. I wifed up a Barista who quit working after marriage. I myself didn’t care, and honestly, even if she worked, I feel she would have wanted the same amount of money I made, so I don’t think that would have helped
/r/Divorce_Men04/01/24 08:16 PM
1

I didn’t use an attorney, but did pay $150 for a half hour consultation to clear some things up
/r/Divorce_Men04/01/24 08:11 PM
2

Yup. That’s the culture. So I understand the counter culture, even if I don’t agree with it. As a man who was cheated on, and his wife was celebrated, it’s pretty sickening. My best friend cheated, for ‘better’ reasons, and was vilified. And society is like that everywhere
/r/Divorce_Men04/01/24 06:45 PM
2

Congrats! Funny, I’m sure if it was up at the time, she’d be wanting to share the profits. I did a similar thing with the house, we bought it the market dipped low a few months later, stayed that way for a year. I gave her everything else to keep the house, and since we signed, the house has gone up 60k in value
/r/Divorce_Men04/01/24 06:39 PM
2

Yup, it’s easy to overdose and you stop getting positive results and just seep into unnecessary toxicity. But even mentioning the ‘good’ parts to women and a certain kind of man breeds such an extreme reaction, it’s hard not to respond in mind
/r/Divorce_Men04/01/24 05:36 PM
15

This. It’s sad to say, but your wife will treat you worse now than literally any everyone and everything combined in your entire life has or will. That alone will be a shock, and many of us can’t accept that and give up everything thinking she’s still that woman who loved us. She’s not, she had to brainwash herself that that woman never existed she can do what she’s going to do
/r/Divorce_Men04/01/24 05:34 PM
3

The thing is, it’s hard to say they are wrong, per se. Is it all women? No, of course it. Is it even half? Nah. Is it still a disturbingly high chance? Sadly yes. I can understand people advocating for behavior just to remove that risk from their lives. If you’ve been through it, you know how devastating it is
/r/Divorce_Men04/01/24 04:47 PM
4

I’ce did have one wanting me to pay her phone bill, haha. But not wanting coffee dates, but nice dinners, being clear that I shouldn’t expect anything as ‘she’s not her for hook ups’ and basically wanting me to get into a committed relationship before we’ve even had a date with all the responsibilities that come with it
/r/Divorce_Men04/01/24 04:39 PM
3

I feel yeah too. Two years out for me, divorce also dragged, then out of no where she wanted to get divorced ASAP. Turns out she had moved in and gotten engaged with the guy she had been dating while telling me ‘she was still thinking’ about our divorce while extracting everything she could out of me. Also makes it really scary to give they same level of devotion to another woman, especially when ‘doing too much for her’ was why she said she cheated
/r/Divorce_Men04/01/24 03:03 PM
2

It’s probably not as sexy as it sounds
/r/Divorce_Men04/01/24 02:49 PM
7

My thoughts as well. I really don’t think many of these affairs and leavings are thought out. Which is why situations matter and avoiding. Them
/r/Divorce_Men04/01/24 02:49 PM
13

I’ve only been dating about 8 months, but I’ve had a few dates line that, and many many more ‘talking’ stages where I’m just flabbergasted what they expect me, essentially a stranger, to do for them, and what little they expect to do in return
/r/Divorce_Men04/01/24 02:48 PM
8

Definitely. Heck, one reason my ex said she wanted to leave was I had been hospitalized twice, and she was afraid I’d die at some point and leave her with nothing. I just took it as my straw grasping to justify her cheating, but who knows, maybe if that time I just didn’t get better she would have left me earlier
/r/Divorce_Men04/01/24 02:47 PM
1

Yeah? I played a lot Pokémon Go
/r/Divorce_Men03/01/24 11:23 PM
4

I was told I did too much for her and it made her feel pressured. So she went out on a girls night, had sex with a random guy who came onto her, lied about it for 2 months saying she needed space, and drained the bank account after I got laid off. So…maybe it’s the opposite, give small does to women, not complete? Thst sounds smarter
/r/Divorce_Men03/01/24 11:21 PM
9

This. Why did we marry our wives? Because our girlfriends were amazing. Who did more evil to us than the rest of the world combined? Those same girl friends turned wives. It’s scary seeing guys put through the this hell saying how awesome their new GF is, how lucky they are now. Like, I get it, this sucks and you want to feel like it meant something, was for some purpose. But it sounds a lot like a road we already walked
/r/Divorce_Men03/01/24 11:19 PM
4

It’s your will, you’re not married, and if the divorce is settled, any claim she has to any of your stuff is extinguished. Don’t have to leave her anything
/r/Divorce_Men03/01/24 11:17 PM
11

Yup, dated my wife for 3.5 years, was almost perfect…with the exception of basically throwing a fit about getting married after we hit the 3 year mark. Marriage was great the first year, but definitely was different the next 3.5. Still enjoyed being married, but my wife was definitely not treating me the same as my girlfriend
/r/Divorce_Men03/01/24 10:00 PM
6

I’ve yet to meet a a divorcee who hasn’t claimed she was abused. Some of those were my clients, so I know they were lying
/r/Divorce_Men03/01/24 09:08 PM
19

I will just say most of us were treated amazing by our girlfriends, haha. It was our wives that got us. (They are the same woman)
/r/Divorce_Men03/01/24 09:07 PM
3

Well, the first 2 years I dated my ex, we both lived with our parents. However, my dad worked out of town and was comped hotels, and racked up a town of points with his marriot card. So, we’d get an upgraded room for two nights every weekend. Woulda been too expensive to do if I had to pay for it. Not only would it not be the nice room, still here woulda been about $200 for a two star hotel
/r/Divorce_Men03/01/24 08:31 PM
2

Oh, pay for dates, yes. But like, pay my electric bill? I had never heard things like that when I was dating in the last. And yeah, it definitely depends on who you’re going out with, and I think it’s also, well, I wasn’t going out with women in their 30s when I was in my 20s
/r/MensRights03/01/24 07:41 PM
2

I think most times a woman says she wants to leave it’s because the cheating has already started. I wonder if it’s better to not dig deep and never know, and then it all ‘happened for no reason’
/r/Divorce_Men03/01/24 05:35 PM
6

Usually men get there because they want the former, and get horribly abused and told by society their abuser is right
/r/Divorce_Men03/01/24 05:33 PM
4

I was shocked how common that is these days. Like, I hadn’t heard about it 10 years ago last time I dated
/r/MensRights03/01/24 04:15 PM
2

Don’t have to reply, just move on
/r/MensRights03/01/24 03:59 PM
6

‘Insecure’ has become one of these words. It’s used to abuse men who aren’t happy with their partners abusive behavior
/r/MensRights03/01/24 03:59 PM
6

I’ve never seen someone actually know their worth. It could be a plus if actually an accurate statement
/r/MensRights03/01/24 03:56 PM
5

This. All of those are code for ‘I had a ton sex with lots of guys’
/r/MensRights03/01/24 03:54 PM
3

Yup. My brief post divorce forgery into OLD showed all those in profiles as crimson flags for someone who wants a lot and doesn’t want to give anything in return
/r/MensRights03/01/24 03:53 PM
2

Definitely has a bias. I tend to think it’s also more people who don’t do ‘mistakes’ in the first place aren’t nearly as common there.
/r/MensRights03/01/24 03:39 PM
3

I agree. If the behavior started, it’s too late. Do nothing, it grows. Stand up for yourself, still grows. And yup, even if not ‘consciously’ done, having potential sex partners orbiting you changes how you see your current relationship, and that ‘possible sex partner’ is always running in the background
/r/Divorce_Men03/01/24 03:07 PM
3

Sorry man. While I wish me and my ex had kids when times were good, it’s got to make it a lot harder. At least I only have myself to worry about how much this whole thing has fucked me
/r/Divorce_Men03/01/24 02:44 PM
10

Definitely. Learned the hard way. Was in great shape, handsome face, good career and rising, look good, dress sharp, get compliments from her friends and family. My one sin, and the reason she said she cheated? Because I made my life revolve around her and that made her ‘feel pressured’ So, yeah. Doesn’t matter what else you got going, women hate being treated like that. Weird, I know. As a guy we’d love it, but understanding women don’t want we we want is key
/r/Divorce_Men03/01/24 02:41 PM
0

Yup, it’s the environment, not some genetic differences. Remove them from the environment as
/r/Divorce_Men03/01/24 02:38 PM
10

Really, you don’t need to worry about ‘red pill’ just need to not get married and that pretty much protects you from most of the crap it talks about If that causes someone to leave you, well, there’s an answer, don’t need to hyper focus on their other behavior or anything
/r/Divorce_Men03/01/24 02:22 PM
1

You. Judges hate, well, judging. They will always take an easy safe choice like following a recommendation
/r/Divorce_Men03/01/24 02:10 PM
3

It’s just being light that helps, haha. I can’t lift for crap. When I started training I was 168 and honestly losing the 15 lbs helped push the numbers up. Definitely understand the ‘thotties’ haha. 23 was what I got on my PT…or have an audience. I usually just do 17-18 on work out days
/r/Divorce_Men03/01/24 02:09 PM
2

They can allow a modification of they want. It’s their loan, they can do whatever they want with it. They could forgive it entirely if they wanted. Will they? 99.9% no You are right in if sold, just in the sense that a bank that buys loans has waaaay lower chance of willing to do something than a credit union who holds all its loans and prides itself on being ‘for the people’ or something
/r/Divorce_Men03/01/24 02:05 PM
6

They can’t accept they’re doing something selfish and wrong so they have to lie to themselves
/r/Divorce_Men03/01/24 01:56 PM
2

Yeah, while it’s technically possible, I’ve never heard of bank doing it over the last 5 years I’ve done real estate. As you said, it’s basically harming themselves, and they’re a business
/r/Divorce_Men03/01/24 12:56 PM
2

Yeah, don’t blame you. I fought hard to keep my house due to the 3% rate. But yeah, best thing to do is call them. The banks don’t line it really, as more work for them and technically more risk, but there’s no reason they can’t do it technically
/r/Divorce_Men03/01/24 04:42 AM
3

Is it FHA or VA? Those can be assumed. Otherwise, you have to ask a lender to remove someone from a loan and they probably don’t care about it. You would have to qualify for the loan by yourself, so for the lender, it’s basically like doing all of the work of a refinance without making any money. And they make money off the loan itself, not what ever ‘origination’ fee they tack on for extra profit. But maybe your lender is a good one, it can’t hurt to call them and ask
/r/Divorce_Men03/01/24 04:23 AM
3

I don’t know if ‘plotting’ is always the goal, but it’s definitely ‘keeping the option open’ Like, if she gets pissed at you and calls to bitch, might be a ‘hey girl, let’s rant over some drinks’ and if that goes somewhere, great, if not, oh well, just an option
/r/Divorce_Men03/01/24 03:33 AM
1

Exactly. 9 years together here, left literally to chase dick. That’s it, but that’s all it takes
/r/Divorce_Men03/01/24 02:05 AM
7

Yup, I she’s trustworthy, that’s behavior she wouldn’t do. Said behavior makes her untrustworthy
/r/Divorce_Men03/01/24 01:56 AM
1

My ex wife cheated, was basically celebrated for doing it. She did it just because she wanted to ho around. My best friend cheated on his wife, and was treated like shit by everyone. She was being constantly rude and critical of him and stopped having sex while he did all the work and chores
/r/MensRights03/01/24 01:45 AM
1

Hey man, you know just as well as I there is no such thing as a ‘ho phase’ there is just ho’s. Don’t make a mistake again
/r/Divorce_Men02/01/24 11:55 PM
3

Well, on a fever dream I tried to join the Marine JAG at age 35. Was able to do 23 Pull ups and run the 3 miles in 21 minutes. So, I’m lean, 5’10 153 right now. Not really benching, just did it all at home with a pull up bar and running outside.
/r/Divorce_Men02/01/24 11:07 PM
2

Yup. ‘Demanding’ doesn’t really work for the reasons you say. It’s like asking your wife not to hang out with the guy who wants to fuck her. The fact she’s doing it in the first place shows it’s already over
/r/Divorce_Men02/01/24 10:01 PM
3

Man, it will take my entire 2nd half of my career to financially recover. If I did it again? I’ll be my dad, working until I literally die, never having anything
/r/Divorce_Men02/01/24 09:58 PM
1

This is pretty much my thought. Almost all of these things? If you have to ask, it’s too late.
/r/Divorce_Men02/01/24 09:57 PM
1

Ouch, that last paragraph is almost exactly what I did, down to the dollar amounts, haha. Ring, cc debt, house payment, and what she got to walk with
/r/Divorce_Men02/01/24 08:53 PM
1

Do you want kids? If not, I wouldn’t bother
/r/MensRights02/01/24 08:37 PM
8

Yup. Doesn’t matter if my friends wife was being horrible to him, still his fault (fair enough) but if the wife cheats, doesn’t matter if her husband was great to her, still his fault (it’s her freedom!)
/r/MensRights02/01/24 08:36 PM
4

Very, very rare to see a woman admit she made a mistake. Did family law for a few years, literally never saw it once
/r/MensRights02/01/24 08:34 PM
1

Well, both are sins, really. Like, Big 10 ones
/r/MensRights02/01/24 08:34 PM
3

Been through a divorce with a cheating wife, and also had my best friend cheat on his wife. Night and day response. My wife was supported by everyone but my closest friends, and almost celebrated. My friend was vilified by everyone, and even us, his closest friends, helped him, but we all called him a piece of shit
/r/MensRights02/01/24 08:33 PM
2

Tell me about, lost my job literally the day after she left, was quite the one two punch as she drained the bank account in the way out the door. Doing fine now, financially, but was a really rough first year
/r/Divorce_Men02/01/24 08:20 PM
1

Oh, definitely. I mean, the first year I was divorced, it cost me about 5k in taxes as she never worked and I was doing withdrawals based on filing jointly, but that’s was literally the only monetary advantage I saw from marriage
/r/Divorce_Men02/01/24 08:18 PM
1

Oof, yes. Since I’ve been through it, and have friends as well, I’m now noticing the signs of wives who are clearly on ‘cheat mode’ even in public
/r/Divorce_Men02/01/24 08:12 PM
4

No-win situation like this are sadly common for women to put their partners in, as the real solution is they wouldn’t have done it in the first place
/r/Divorce_Men02/01/24 08:04 PM
1

Ah. Yeah, she should known how to submit evidence, haha. I’ve literally been against newbie attorneys who had no clue they couldn’t just pull a price of paper out and walk it to the judge
/r/Divorce_Men02/01/24 08:02 PM
3

Sounds like winning to me
/r/Divorce_Men02/01/24 08:00 PM
2

I say focus on probabilities, not possibilities. And we’ll, while it doesn’t have to be true, it’s overwhelmingly is.
/r/Divorce_Men02/01/24 07:59 PM
3

While I have not found this to be true at all, haha, it’s like going to the gym or eating right. It might not fix the issue, but it’s healthy to do anyways, so why not?
/r/Divorce_Men02/01/24 07:56 PM
1

I can’t say if that’s reasonable, depends on how much marital assets you have. I mean, that’s more marital assets than we had after 7 years
/r/Divorce_Men02/01/24 07:54 PM
5

Use it or lose it, basically. It’ll take a little time, but once you get your first good nut off in someone, it’ll all come rushing back. Mental thing, really
/r/Divorce_Men02/01/24 07:52 PM
1

Possibly, but she hates when I did that too. But yes, you’re right,your wife was right for everything she did to you. You deserved it all and more. Her only flaw was not doing more. Hopefully you don’t marry your GF, as she’s waiting to do it to you again, and will do it right this time
/r/Divorce_Men02/01/24 07:49 PM
1

Damn, when she asked me to do things I should a just told her to duck off and die instead. I understand your situation clear though, haha.
/r/Divorce_Men02/01/24 06:49 PM
2

I think you’re closer than thou realize. ‘Affair fog’ is a very real thing
/r/Divorce_Men02/01/24 06:47 PM
1

I think you’re closer than you mean. ‘Affair dog’ is a very real thing
/r/Divorce_Men02/01/24 06:45 PM
3

Yup, don’t have to be ‘good’ friends to be a potential cheating partner. Just has to float in their mind
/r/Divorce_Men02/01/24 06:37 PM
5

I’d be charitable and said she meant it at the time, but the feelings err..change, for reasons
/r/Divorce_Men02/01/24 06:36 PM
5

She’s not a teenager. She knows this guy would bang her st a moments notice. Doesn’t mean she wants too, of course
/r/Divorce_Men02/01/24 05:41 PM
3

Really, it’s not the fact she talks -about- him but the fact she’s talking too him. You’ve got guy friends. How often do you as a man talk to them? How often do you text women you would never have sex with?
/r/Divorce_Men02/01/24 05:39 PM
1

What? No, she said I ‘did too much for her and it made her feel pressured’ It’s nothing to fix, except I understand what women are a lot better now.
/r/Divorce_Men02/01/24 05:29 PM
7

Wow. Sounds like someone who hasn’t actually been at a real trial. Which to be fair, is most atty
/r/Divorce_Men02/01/24 04:44 PM
3

Yup, there’s another reason kids decrease divorce rates. Shoos out orbiters temporarily. Though many deny that concept is real
/r/Divorce_Men02/01/24 04:42 PM
2

Or, the friend just wants to smash and is always trying to pounce on any weakness
/r/Divorce_Men02/01/24 04:40 PM
2

I’m of the opinion long distance like that doesn’t work. Anytime I’ve head that story, it ends really badly. I know it’s is for me
/r/Divorce_Men02/01/24 04:39 PM
3

Definitely more aware of it myself. And I had a coworker make a pass at me while I was married, which made me avoid that in the future
/r/Divorce_Men02/01/24 04:38 PM
8

Yup. This is very accurate. The probable reason a guy is hanging with your wife is that (let’s please not get hung up on possibilities). And the ‘bad decision’ is real. I’ve seen people cheat who weren’t really looking too, but put themselves into bad decisions. It’s a weird thing people don’t like to think about. I don’t think folks want any responsibility
/r/Divorce_Men02/01/24 03:36 PM
13

It’s not acceptable to say, but ‘friends’ and ‘coworkers’ are the number one source of affairs
/r/Divorce_Men02/01/24 03:26 PM
1

Sad how infidelity is one of the worst things you can do to someone, but zero punishment, and actually rewarded and celebrated. Crazy stuff
/r/Divorce_Men02/01/24 02:35 PM
1

Agree completely. I am doing better than I was 2 years ago. And I’ve gained a lot of wisdom. It just cost a lot, and it’s not ‘worth it’ but I didn’t have a choice.
/r/Divorce_Men02/01/24 02:34 PM
4

Yup. Once they dam breaks, they’re never the same
/r/Divorce_Men02/01/24 02:23 PM
2

Well, it was more like stopped doing.
/r/Divorce_Men02/01/24 02:17 PM
1

Probably wouldn’t be, but technically could be.
/r/Divorce_Men02/01/24 01:51 PM
3

What are the tax benefits? If she doesn’t work I guess you get a bigger standard deduction?
/r/Divorce_Men02/01/24 01:51 PM
2

You really can’t. But while yes, kids are rough to deal with while toddlers, it gets much easier. And most of my friends with kids these days send them to pre school, get parents to help, and still have Nannie
/r/Divorce_Men02/01/24 01:43 PM
-1

Mom and maid are very different. 3 hours sounds rights, 90 min a day is enough to keep a normal house looking clean
/r/Divorce_Men02/01/24 01:42 PM
11

I’ve had discussions pre marriage, and same stuff happened. I found she was not accountable to anything she said in the past, while I was accountable to things I never said
/r/Divorce_Men02/01/24 01:41 PM
0

I did the same. I don’t know if it would have stopped her cheating, but at the least, I wouldn’t have been so tired all the tine
/r/Divorce_Men02/01/24 03:52 AM
3

If they did, we wouldn’t believe them. Until you see the woman who supported and loved you more than anyone betray you and overnight become someone who treats you worse than everyone else combined in your life as has or will, you won’t understand.
/r/Divorce_Men02/01/24 02:55 AM
2

Yup, happened to me. Headed out to the bar with her friends, ‘I love you, I’ll call you when I’m done’ Didn’t get a text till 2:30pm the next day, and it was done
/r/Divorce_Men02/01/24 02:54 AM
5

Yup. It’s harsh, but I’ve seen plenty of men literally sacrifice the rest of their life for their kid when the mom doesn’t give a damn and just wants to get fucked. If you act the same, a much better chance of turning your life around
/r/Divorce_Men02/01/24 02:53 AM
4

Yeah, my friends tried the ‘oh, she’s going to be a disaster after she leaves’ on me at the start to try and make me feel better. I told them shes’d be fine, she’s mid 30s, sexy, an no kids. She’ll be just fine. Sure enough, while the AP she blew 20k having a 2 month affair with overseas turned out to immediately do the same thing to other women as soon as my ex left the country, like I told her would, she bounced back just fine. Spent a few months living with a single friend and going out to ge…
/r/Divorce_Men02/01/24 01:43 AM
4

Eh, I wouldn’t count on that to get you through things. There are endless simps out there. Plenty of time to get all the D she wants then fall back if she needs too
/r/Divorce_Men02/01/24 01:03 AM
2

Yup, lol. Even if they’re ‘single’ which is rare, single for women still means having sex
/r/Divorce_Men01/01/24 09:31 PM
3

It’s always a guy, so don’t need to worry about that, haha
/r/Divorce_Men01/01/24 09:13 PM
3

Thats how I feel. It sucks. I view like I lost a leg. I can’t get it back. And I won’t be as good as I was. And it wasn’t fair at all. But it doesn’t matter, it is what it is and I have to make the one legged life work as best I can
/r/Divorce_Men01/01/24 09:11 PM
2

I hate to say it, but this is right. If you ‘have no clue’ why she left, it’s because she wanted to sleep with other men. Accepting that in pretty to getting over it
/r/Divorce_Men01/01/24 06:40 PM
1

Haha, I know the feeling. We got a big house to raise a family in, she cheats and leaves two months later. Part of me keeping the house was she could have whatever personal property we had. She ended up selling damn near everything, so the house is still very empty, haha
/r/Divorce_Men01/01/24 06:38 PM
1

Same here. All my money gone to keep the house, which didn’t have a ton of value. But, 3% interest in a growing market. Already gone up 30k since divorce 18 months ago
/r/Divorce_Men01/01/24 06:34 PM
4

This. The first step is to accept that your wife is gone. Who she was will never exist again. What she is now is someone who treats you worse than anyone else. It’s a hard step for a lot of guys to come to terms with. I know it was for me
/r/Divorce_Men01/01/24 06:19 PM
1

Haha, I wish. I was a newbie attorney paid a salary. I’m sure my boss saw some money from it, but it was one reason I wanted them to speed it up and focus
/r/Divorce_Men01/01/24 06:13 PM
2

Yes, when I did family law, I would have wives whose husbands did them dirty, and they would go on and on about how he needs to pay for all of these things….none of which would have any use in court.
/r/Divorce_Men01/01/24 01:25 PM
9

So much this. The first weeks to months after a wife leaves is the best time to get her to sign a separation agreement. She’ll be getting fucked more than she ever did during the marriage, and maybe she feels guilty about that, or just wants you to leave her alone to fuck in peace. (And yes guys, she’s fucking someone else. A woman isn’t leaving otherwise, and if did, you won’t be surprised by her leaving because it meant you were literally abusive or cheating on her or something. And you probab…
/r/Divorce_Men01/01/24 12:50 PM
7

This. I’ve seen enough divorce, mine included, to see the most dedicated wives become utterly evil
/r/Divorce_Men01/01/24 12:42 PM
5

Please don’t insult the judge. Nothing good can come from that. Former prosecutor
/r/Divorce_Men01/01/24 06:34 AM
3

At two years here. Heading to a party. It’s uh, still not good, still worse than pre affair, but it’s definitely better than the aftermath of said affair
/r/Divorce_Men31/12/23 10:32 PM
3

Not arguing that. Im saying, logically, there isn’t a downside to working out, minus time. Which post divorce, will have in plenty. And it has upsides regardless of divorce status. So, no reason not too. Worst case? You just get healthier. Best case? You feel better mentally, too
/r/Divorce_Men31/12/23 07:23 PM
7

I mean, it’s never really dangerous for the vast majority so long as you aren’t stupid. And working out is always a good idea. Will it fix the issue? Probably not, but it’s something you should be doing anyway
/r/Divorce_Men31/12/23 06:06 PM
6

This. Men have a really hard time understanding that once a wife lets another man fuck her she is done with her husband forever. There’s various reasons for that, but ultimately the only thing that matters is that the marriage is done. So many of us harm ourselves, after being betrayed in the worst way, possible, trying to salvage something that there’s literally no chance of salvaging
/r/Divorce_Men30/12/23 10:58 PM
2

This. I think, unless there is significant evidence otherwise, you have to assume you wife is seeing other men when she leaves. So many men waste the ‘best’ time of divorce, the ‘affair dog’ thinking their wife just needs time, when she’s getting railed. If ever there was a time to sign paperwork, this is it. Instead, they ruin themselves thinking their marriage isn’t dead. Or even worse, they know she’s getting railed, and still think their marriage has a chance. It’s a hard lesson for a man to…
/r/Divorce_Men30/12/23 10:16 PM
2

Yup. A very common tale. The guy whose literally done nothing for except tell a few standard ‘get laid’ lies to her ‘validated’ her, while the guy whose spent 10 years dedicating his life to her ‘doesn’t emotionally validate her’ It’s not the reason, of course, just another excuse given so someone who cheats doesn’t have to face that yes l, they did something both wrong AND stupid
/r/Divorce_Men30/12/23 10:11 PM
2

I understand completely. I also let my wife keep using some of accounts for a while after separation l. She also hooked up with guys in her home country. She was supposed to go back and stay there, but she met a guy here to take care of her, so now she lives 15 min away when I was hoping it would be 15000 miles. It definitely made it harder on me. Out of sight, out of mind, as they say. And when she finally took herself off our phone plan and car insurance, it hurt too. I knew it was over, but e…
/r/Divorce_Men30/12/23 06:05 PM
1

I wish I was certain it was just a lack of life. Sometimes it’s just letting yourself be in a bad situation. I have a few friends who cheated on bachelor party out of town trips, and who haven’t cheated before or since, and I don’t think ever would have cheated if they weren’t in a situation like that. Granted, 90% of us didn’t cheat on those trips, but even those guys weren’t going around trying to cheat, but when it’s literally grinding on their dick, they did
/r/Divorce_Men30/12/23 05:52 PM
4

I had to talk to awhile to my therapist to understand ‘doing too much’ isn’t going to make a woman cheat. If it wasn’t that, she would make up another reason to justify it to herself
/r/Divorce_Men30/12/23 05:44 PM
1

Hmm, I’m sure some high earners here can tell you it wasn’t awful, financial wise. Remember, you lose the expense of a wife, which for many of us, was an endless money pit. I was the ‘high earner’ to a stay at home wife, but I ‘lucked out’ and she cheated on me, which barred alimony in my state. I don’t make a ton, so if I had to pay alimony, it would have been about 2900 of my 6k a month take home pay for half the length of our marriage of 7 years. So, that would have meant I couldn’t make the …
/r/Divorce_Men30/12/23 05:40 PM
2

Office admin work (secretary, receptionist, assistant, etc) have some of the higher rates of infidelity, profession wise. But I hate that it’s true, but the chances of a spouse wanting to leave a marriage, and this seeming to make no sense to the husband, (ie no abuse, he don’t cheat, etc), and it be for a reason other than having sex with another man, is just so low it’s not worth considering. Which is really, really hard for husbands to take. None of us can move until 1) accept the above, she …
/r/Divorce_Men30/12/23 04:49 PM
2

Yup, prettty much anything with a monetary value generated, obtained, etc, from the day you got married will be split, absent personal gifts and inheritance, and even then, that’s assuming you were very careful to not get it converted into marital property
/r/Divorce_Men30/12/23 03:51 PM
2

Hmm, sounds more like the judge would consider that marital property to be split, not income for future alimony payments. If she did want to go after alimony, and a judge entertained it, it would be for like 2k a month. Really depends on the judge, I’ve known judges in that situation that would laugh it off, some that would upset at the pettiness, some that just ‘apply the law as written’ and a few who would be gleeful to pile on in anyway. Ultimately, this is what you pay a lawyer for, his know…
/r/Divorce_Men30/12/23 02:12 PM
8

You should definitely assume something physical happened. Cheater always lie about this at the start, as they’ve already done a great sin; one more small one is nothing in their minds at this point.
/r/Divorce_Men30/12/23 02:08 PM
5

Hmm, possibly, but considering her wealth as well, the judge may deem she doesn’t need any additional support to maintain her lifestyle. It will usually be based off your gross income, so stocks show up on that?
/r/Divorce_Men30/12/23 02:06 PM
3

Oh, of course, that’s undeniable, stats bear it out. Stats don’t tell us why though, so something to discuss. Not that it’s anything more than weighted opinions either. If anyone is trying to deny that their wife making more them increases the risk of her leaving, they’re just in denial and getting heated because they confuse ‘increased chance’ with ‘always will’ which is very common
/r/Divorce_Men30/12/23 02:03 PM
3

Exactly, I think this is the reason for the 20% difference in filing percentage between non college/college wives. The ability to easily leave a marriage financially in the short term increases the odds of leaving. Not that money or college necessarily makes them more likely to leave, it just gives them more ability to act on it
/r/Divorce_Men30/12/23 12:44 PM
1

Yup. Even earning more isn’t enough, you need to earn, well, enough. We got married while we were poor, and while she never worked while married, I never stopped being her ‘poor’ husband, even once I ‘made it’ and we had a comfortable life
/r/Divorce_Men30/12/23 12:42 PM
8

Yes. That is many men’s issues. We need to accept and move on, as we don’t have a choice. If the advice here sometimes seems harsh, it’s because we need to be shocked out to realize there is no chance after she’s been for someone else. Nothing we can do at that point will change anything, it will just hurt us more
/r/Divorce_Men30/12/23 12:41 PM
10

This has been my experience as well. It’s hard for guys to understand, as we don’t work exactly like that. And the speed from which they go from ‘on’ to ‘off’ can really throw us for a loop
/r/Divorce_Men30/12/23 07:32 AM
6

Yes. I used to do family law, and my clients would lie to me. I’d try to delicately explain that we have to have proof, and that I believe them, but without that proof we can’t use it. I have a real hard time believing when one side of divorce says anything
/r/Divorce_Men30/12/23 02:13 AM
5

Sorry man. That’s awful. I wish it seemed an outlandish story. And you’re right. Women will never tell you, they just go evil. Which makes since, when that switch flips, it feels righteous to them what they do their husbands l. Wilmington though? Lived in NC, think a decent film industry there. Nice place to live
/r/Divorce_Men30/12/23 02:07 AM
20

It’s physical. She’s been having lots of sex with other men, better sex than she’s ever been willing to have with you. That’s harsh. I know. But it’s true. And you have to hug that fact close and embrace it to make the proper decision
/r/Divorce_Men30/12/23 01:52 AM
3

Didn’t she say she was going on OLD? She’s going to be sleeping with other men, if not now, as soon as she can. Entertain it only for what you need to prepare to file unemotionally as you can
/r/Divorce_Men30/12/23 01:50 AM
7

It’s almost always the reason, sadly. A woman doesn’t leave unless a new D is lined up, or at least the desire to find one, absent extraordinary circumstances like you said
/r/Divorce_Men30/12/23 01:40 AM
1

Hmm…I guess depends on your ability to ‘turn it on’ afterwards, or if it has a big impact on your quality of life to get a lower paid position
/r/Divorce_Men30/12/23 12:15 AM
2

Yup. So the ‘studies’ being talked about? The divorce women make more, and divorced men make less, as their income doesn’t reflect what they pay, nor their ex receive. Kinda suspect posting such hogwash here
/r/Divorce_Men30/12/23 12:14 AM
9

It’s not sadly. I know it’s hard. I wish it wasn’t like that. Just do a thought experiment on if she was, how would they change your approach to her.
/r/Divorce_Men29/12/23 11:42 PM
8

Well, I will say, if it’s true you’re separated, what he said has some merit. It’s off topic for a general ‘are women like this’ post, but for your personal situation, it’s sadly relevant. None of this matters anymore, she’s already getting railed by another man, and the marriage is 100% over. What that means is you need to 100% accept that reality and optimize from there. Thinking about why’s and what offs and maybes and if I do this maybe we can talk is only going to hurt. Which is hard man. I…
/r/Divorce_Men29/12/23 11:38 PM
7

If she’s already on the dating apps, fair shake she’s at least been thinking of this already
/r/Divorce_Men29/12/23 11:25 PM
1

Yeah, a lawyer will not burn his cred for you. Thst judge cred is how he makes money. He’ll prod him in chambers before court or something while laughing at his jokes
/r/Divorce_Men29/12/23 11:22 PM
5

If it’s true, I will say. Literally every single women I’ve known has lied about their divorce. Every one. And I used to do family law
/r/Divorce_Men29/12/23 11:07 PM
8

Glad your bounced back. Open Relationship are known as divorce with extra steps for a reason, and honestly more evil to me than just leaving
/r/Divorce_Men29/12/23 11:06 PM
1

Yup, it’s rarely a rational or reasonable action on their part
/r/Divorce_Men29/12/23 11:02 PM
2

Said research is based off taxable income. Guess what’s not included in that?
/r/Divorce_Men29/12/23 11:00 PM
1

Definitely the ability to easily leave due to having money I think affects the higher divorce rate for high earning wives. While a wife can get money from her husband on a divorce, it’s not quick, and there are going to be some really scary months at the start that makes some women stay when they would like to leave
/r/Divorce_Men29/12/23 10:26 PM
2

This. Woman can’t love a man long term they don’t respect. Respect is hard enough to maintain, let alone in a situation where she makes significantly more
/r/Divorce_Men29/12/23 10:15 PM
4

I love how it’s phrased as if it’s the husband who will cause the divorce.
/r/Divorce_Men29/12/23 10:14 PM
2

Yup, wives will over night turn from the person you trusted more than anyone to someone who will do more evil to you than the rest of your life combined. Husbands suffer as we generally don’t snap that quickly and even as we divorce at the start come from a place of love, even if faded
/r/Divorce_Men29/12/23 08:49 PM
1

I kept the house, which while the equity was less than the debt at the time, I didn’t want to do the alternative and sell as we had a 3% interest rate. I could sell the house now and even it out. I’ve considered it, but it would essentially be ending me ever owning a home in a reasonable time frame. Of course, the down payment for the house came just 4 months prior to her cheating from my inheritance, but I put her name on the deed so nothing I could do there. She got to walk away with about 30k…
/r/Divorce_Men29/12/23 08:40 PM
5

Yup. But even that ‘chad’ style man has issues long term keeping a wife attracted . It’s just the nature of the beast.
/r/Divorce_Men29/12/23 08:38 PM
11

Yup. Respect is necessary for a woman to maintain long term attraction. Making more doesn’t have to erode it, but it certainly can
/r/Divorce_Men29/12/23 07:46 PM
1

Ah, yeah, if she’s going for the dvpo route it does complicate matters. Could have been laid off, young attorneys can have some high turnover
/r/Divorce_Men29/12/23 06:51 PM
1

Ouch, sucks to get lawyer’s involved for something so small. Young attorney are usually awful too, sadly (I’m an attorney) Well, the firms rep doesn’t really matter, no one else from that firm will really be working on the case, just the attorney they assign, which I assume will be her. Someone at her current firm can also probably take over, so you can ask them about that, but it’ll probably delay things at least a month as they get up to speed
/r/Divorce_Men29/12/23 06:45 PM
7

Statistically, yes
/r/Divorce_Men29/12/23 06:41 PM
6

Yup, I’m in the early stages of that, was left with about 70k in debt from the ex on her way out
/r/Divorce_Men29/12/23 06:39 PM
9

Yes, I have never once seen a woman admit she was at fault in a divorce for anything. I have personal and professional knowledge that many times they were. I have seen plenty of men admit fault. Take away? When it comes to divorce, I literally can’t believe a word they say
/r/Divorce_Men29/12/23 06:38 PM
2

Definitely. Refusing to burn down my life and start over is what’s held me back the most. Holding onto our marital home alone is put a struggle on it, when I could sell it, pay off marital debts, and find an apartment for $1000 less a month plus not paying $700 a month in debt. Also could move and work in a new city. My job isn’t super flexible location wise (attorney) but I could move within the state to the beach or something if I found someone online who loved elsewhere. But, haven’t done any…
/r/Divorce_Men29/12/23 05:33 PM
3

Same here. My wife wrote the sweetest bday to me. Paragraphs of how great a husband I was and how much she loved an appreciated me. Two weeks later, she goes Ina solo vacation to her homeland. One week after , along post on Instagram on how amazing her husband is for making this trip back to her home country for the first time in 10 years happen. A week later she cheats on a. Girls night out and essentially cuts all contact
/r/Divorce_Men29/12/23 04:52 PM
2

Yup. It also doesn’t help, at all. Like, not even in a ‘gets me through the night, but pay for it in the morning’ way it just makes it worse
/r/Divorce_Men29/12/23 04:01 PM
13

It’s usually new dick, and it’s not rational on their part at all. You will be better off. It’s so easy being single.
/r/Divorce_Men29/12/23 03:55 PM
1

Yeah. The world is harsh to short kings, I ain’t gonna lie. But it ain’t that bad. You can have a better life
/r/Divorce_Men29/12/23 03:04 PM
3

You can definitely do better than living in literal urine and shit
/r/Divorce_Men29/12/23 03:00 PM
1

Usually up to 30 days or so. Judge will probably talk it over
/r/Divorce_Men29/12/23 02:56 PM
1

I’m sorry man. If it makes you feel better, your marriage was some personal failing, many of us have had a marriage line that. A nice guy, who hasn’t gotten much attention, gives his wife everything. She doesn’t work at all, and doesn’t do chores. She stops sex and demands more everything , then suddenly gets interested in working again. It’s almost always a sign of an affair. The best thing you can take away is you didn’t do anything ‘wrong’ really. Someone else doing evil to you and failing to…
/r/Divorce_Men29/12/23 02:55 PM
1

Yeah. My best friend cheated on his wife. I let him live with me for a bit, but I never for once said what he did was right and told him to his face he was a piece of shit for what he did. I still helped him, of course l, be he is my best friend, but I wasn’t going to tell him he was good person who didn’t wrong thing
/r/Divorce_Men29/12/23 01:28 PM
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