How do I move on?

warrior_up · 2024-02-08T13:09:10+00:00

Cheese n rice. These bitches

On the flip side, congrats bro - you just won the lottery, 2nd chance at life to do whatever the eff you want with whoever the eff you want

Let this be a lesson, always trust your gut - put nothing past anyone. She would have done this to any man she married. She “got bored” and thinks an affair is exciting, like a soap opera - trust me, she eff’d up. Bad. It won’t end well, it won’t turn out well, she will have to live with this regret the rest of her days - you my friend, get to find a few new gals, hopefully a decade or more younger

Enjoy it. Change your lens from shock and awe, poor little me to fuck yea, let’s do this!

Heavybluecrab · 2024-02-08T13:02:52+00:00

Ilybnilwy = I found a new dick that I love more than you. Disregard the 10,15,20yrs you stood by me, your about to become worst man on earth, I’m about to rewrite history to portray myself as a victim in this divorce.

I went through the exact same thing, work affair, both married, got told ilybnilwy, when I had no idea what was going on.

My advice would be, stay silent, don’t move out, divorce her whilst she’s in affair fog, try to eat, try to sleep… whatever you do, do NOT fall into the trap of thinking she cares about you now, even if she did last, she no longer does.

Visual_Cycle_1066 · 2024-02-08T06:13:54+00:00

Ok here's a few things my friend:

Your wife has less than zero respect for you. Any statement or attempt by you to work things out will cause her to lose even more respect for you. Women who do not respect their husbands and cheat on their husbands and end the marriage naturally think "why would he want to be with me when I clearly don't want him and am disrespecting him brutally to his effing face?! WTF is wrong with this guy? He's not worthy of respect."
Don't move out until all legalities including custody and such have been settled. Better yet don't move out at all, tell her cheating ass to hit the effing bricks.
If you so choose to ignore my advice and move out, help settle your daughter by allowing her to participate in the new choice of home and also furniture for her room.
Don't even remotely consider signing some BS document that requires you to stay mum regarding her affair. Are you kidding me? No way.
Move on from this woman she is for the streets. Let the past go. The future is an open highway my friend, full of more adventures than you can imagine. Are you going to stand on the side of the road looking backward and weeping or are you going to take the wheel and answer the call to adventure?

Best wishes for a new adventure, it's right around the next bend.

Ok_Perception_1836 · 2024-02-08T03:13:16+00:00

Welcome to the club.

Classic-Scarlett93 · 2024-02-08T02:42:27+00:00

I’m so sorry, man. It’s a truly miserable feeling. One word of advice. Try to avoid learning any further specifics. It will only cause more issues to work through. I speak from experience. One day at a time. You are already one day closer to moving past this terrible chapter in the book of life.

Funny_Wolverine_9 · 2024-02-08T01:52:41+00:00

Typical. If you read enough forums in here, you see your story is almost like 99% of all other stories.

This woman has lost respect for you. Once this happens, the marriage is doomed, even if you decide to stay together.

You will be in pain. Accept it. Move on. My only advice is settle your affairs ASAP otherwise the lawyers will eat up everything

DatabaseSpace · 2024-02-08T00:51:39+00:00

Not sure about UK law but if you can get out of alimony, spousal support or losing 1/2 your retirement then use the non disclosure of the affair as leverage. Sucks when they do this. Mine did it around the same age. The narrative is men have a mid life crisis and buy a convertible or motorcycle, the reality is women have them and start screwing other people. All you can do now is detach, try to protect yourself financially, don't yell at her or you may get arrested. Distance is better now.

HODLMEPLS · 2024-02-08T00:33:59+00:00

Don’t move out until you have legally settled. Her lawyer and the court can use the move out against you in custody

Joocewayne · 2024-02-07T21:11:43+00:00

Love you but not in love with you is universal womanese for: I have someone else dicking me down or plan to be dicked down by. I’m so sorry. It sucks. Stay strong, you are worthy of love brother.

Confident-Run-645 · 2024-02-07T20:31:41+00:00

Men peak sexually in their 20's. Women in their 30s ~ early 40s.

https://www.webmd.com/sex-relationships/ss/slideshow-sex-drive-changes-age

It's really that simple. Of course every individual case has other contributing factors and issues. But, it normally can come down to the above, she's THINKS she outgrown her need for you and believes she can do better. Basically, she went into "Hoe Mode " Sorry, but there's no factory reset, once they go into "Hoe Mide"

And, yes this type almost ALWAYS travel not just in pairs, but packs!

Everything, she's told you is verb and verse STRAIGHT OUT of The Hoe Handbook.

Although, it's hard to see it now? Your fortunate to be free of this parasite. Let her go her own way.

She'll won't have any problems finding men looking for a V.L.S.S. (Vaginal Life Support System) ~ "Sperm Depository "

You, see by the time we reach a certain age in Life, when it comes to jobs and relationships? We need pretty much be where we're going to be, and sit your ass down. Simply because good ones there are? Are, already taken, and those that have them, the good ones, have had them a good long while, plan on keeping them and your going to have to fight them to get them away from them.

No worries, just make sure once you've recovered, (Get into counseling, for a faster and quicker recovery, and to get to otherside of the grieving, depression, anxiety cycle and to prevent possibly getting caught up in long-term chronic grief, depression, etc.

Now IS the time for YOU to do a all around factory reset, mentally, emotionally, physically, financially. DO concentrate on your relationship with your children, while they're still young. It will payoff in dividends multiple times and ways in the years to come.

DO NOT get into any kind of relationship until your fully recovered in any and all aspects. YOUR VULNERABLE TO GETTING INTO A REBOUND RELATIONSHIPS!!!

Relationships,.

Easy to get into

Difficult to manage and maintain

Can be Hard to get out of.

The time for getting into another, is when you've got yourself put back together, and your comfortable with your life. Your confident, have your self respect back, aren't needy.

Michelle Weiner-Davis’s Divorce Busting 180 degree list

Michelle Weiner-Davis’s Divorce Busting 180 degree list, here it is:

Do not pursue, reason, chase, beg, plead or implore.
No frequent phone calls

Do not point out good points in marriage.

Do not follow him/her around the house.
Do not encourage talk about the future.
Do not ask for help from family members.
Do not ask for reassurances.
Do not buy gifts.
Do not schedule dates together.
Do not spy on them
Do not say “I Love You”.
Act as if you are moving on with your life.
Be cheerful, strong, outgoing and attractive.
Don’t sit around waiting on your them

15.– Get busy, do things, go to church, go out with friends, etc.

if you usually start the conversation) be scarce or short on words.
If you are in the habit of asking your spouse

18.

19. her whereabouts, ASK NOTHING.

You need to make your partner think that you have had an awakening and, as far as you are concerned, you are going to move on with your life, with or without your spouse.
Do not be nasty, angry or even cold – just pull back and wait to see if spouse notices and, more important, realize what she will be missing
No matter what you are feeling TODAY, only show your spouse happiness and contentment. Show him/her someone he/she would want to be around.
All questions about marriage should be put on

hold, until your spouse wants to talk about it (which may be a while).

Never lose your cool.
Don’t be overly enthusiastic.
Do not argue about how they feel (it only makes their feelings stronger).
Be patient
Listen carefully to what your spouse is really saying to you.
Learn to back off, shut up and possibly walk away.
Take care of yourself (exercise, sleep, laugh & focus on all the other parts of your life that are not in turmoil).
Be strong and confident.
Know that if you can do 180, your smallest

CONSISTENT actions will be noticed much more than any words you can say or write.

Do not be openly desperate or needy even when you are hurting more than ever and are desperate and needy.
Do not focus on yourself when communicating with your spouse.
Do not believe any of what you hear and less than 50% of what you see. Your spouse will speak in absolute negatives because they are hurting and scared.
Do not give up no matter how dark it is or how bad you feel.
Do not backslide from your hard-earned changes.

2 things to think about if you do this:

1) You have to do the 180 list NOT to be manipulative but because it’s the right thing to do for you. You have to heal from this experience.

You have to back off for your own sanity now. You have to have a plan and know that you will be a better person with or without them after all is said and done — that you will live and learn and move on no matter what.

So you have to be geniune when you follow these ideas, rather than faking it and being insincere because your only goal is to get them back. That’s not what you want to do.

Having a certain person as our spouse is not a need, it’s a want. When I wrote down a list of all the definite needs in my life, I realized that almost everything beyond food, clothing and shelter is a want. 10 seconds after I looked at the list, I stopped making decisions based on emotion.

That’s when I realized that my wanting to have her was causing me to beg and plead for her to come back.

That was driving her away more so I stopped doing it immediately. In doing my own version of the 180 list I could tell nearly an immediate change in her behavior.

2) Realize that when your spouse sees your new attitude they are very likely to be a little jealous or at least have some curiosity about what’s going on in your life to cause this change.

However, they very well may react the same way towards you for some time (especially if they read books or go to message boards also). REALIZE that this tactic can also work simultaneously on you if the spouse begins to likewise.

Be aware of it and plan to have your own feelings of jealousy and curiosity in advance. However, like with #1 above, if you’re doing the 180 list to better yourself and everyone involved, then it will matter less what they are doing.

iSurvivedltd · 2024-02-07T20:11:25+00:00

Why the fuck are you moving out? If she’s unhappy tell her to leave.

Fuck what she wants. She doesn’t get to dictate what happens and who you tell. You better start telling people now so you can manage the narrative. I also hope you have screenshots of the messages to backup what you say.

Your kiddo will be fine. It will be a struggle at first but you both will adjust fine.

NewDay0110 · 2024-02-07T19:39:10+00:00

"loved me but wasn't in love with me"

This is common. I was told those exact same words. My story is similar to yours. When you browse this forum and r/survivinginfidelity you're going to find that what happened to you is not unique.

That phrase means she doesn't love you anymore. She won't ever be honest with you because she's afraid of your reaction. Just get out, be quick and firm in the divorce settlement. Take what's yours. It's over.

jimsmythee · 2024-02-07T19:27:14+00:00

"I swear to you there isn't anyone else" translates to "There is someone else, but you're not supposed to know that. So what I told you is the truth."

Reflog1791 · 2024-02-07T18:30:47+00:00

Don’t sign anything. Get a lawyer and file for divorce and get as much custody of kids as you can.

Your leverage is she doesn’t want to get in trouble at work and she doesn’t want the guys wife to find out because that’s a liability for her.

Don’t show your cards until the right moment. But yes you have one tiny little bit of leverage in your favor. Use it creatively with game theory approach to optimize settlement. That is all that matters!!!

New-Amoeba9042 · 2024-02-07T18:05:14+00:00

She can, I guess, if you sign it. My ex had me add one to ours. That said, if a penalty clause isn’t also attached, I doubt any real enforcement could take place.

But what you ex did was very normal, if that helps? It’s essentially always ‘another man’ when they suddenly want to leave. My ex did the same, original AP bowed out within weeks of her leaving, and she went right out on Tinder to keep getting railed. Sadly early separation wives are about as thirsty a bunch as you’ll find

lifeisallihave · 2024-02-07T18:03:31+00:00

I love you but am not in love with you is a classic and the childish way out almost all of them use. Like people are supposed to be in love forever. I hope you get through this coming out strong and in better shape to enjoy the rest of your life. Friendly advice, stay away from her phone.

Title	How do I move on?
Author	lithium2020
Upvotes	29
Comments	70
Date	February 7, 2024 5:38 PM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1al8mvy/how_do_i_move_on/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/how-do-i-move-on.1244829 https://theredarchive.com/post/1244829

Comments