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View 1 post and 409 comments by DatabaseSpace on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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1

There's always another guy, that's why it's falling apart.
/r/Divorce_Men16/07/26 01:05 PM
1

There is usually a fee to file, a few hundred dollars. She probably doesn't want to pay it.
/r/Divorce_Men16/07/26 12:46 PM
3

Why is it too late? Do you own the house or not? What law says you can't go there right now and sleep there?
/r/Divorce_Men28/06/26 01:07 AM
2

Why do you think there isn't someone else on her end? That's probably why all this is happening. What is more likely, there is someone else or she wants to make the kids happy? That doesn't even make sense.
/r/Divorce_Men27/06/26 11:02 PM
8

Wouldn't you say that she betrayed you more than the affair partner? He didn't say vows and marry you. I still think he is wrong but it seems like she is getting a pass.
/r/Divorce_Men27/06/26 10:40 PM
2

I mean the state of mind, just having high emotions going all the time for like weeks. It doesn't sound like anyone has actually filed for divorce yet and once somone does file you and her will have to go through financial discovery with the lawyers where you tell them all of the assets, debts, monthly bills. My ex never bothered to fill out her monthly expenses and she also hid a bank account she was on with her mom in another state that had over $10,000 in it. Nobody cared though. I didn't rea…
/r/Divorce_Men25/06/26 04:25 PM
13

She had the love interest in January and that is why this is happening. You can go to the house and sleep there or stay there any time you want, it is yours. I was in the state you are in for a while, you want to get a lawyer and the goal is to have them type up a settlement agreement. You are quite a ways from that at this point though.
/r/Divorce_Men25/06/26 04:40 AM
5

I feel like there is always someone else, or at last large majority of the time.
/r/Divorce_Men30/05/26 11:18 PM
1

You will probably find out about the new guy at some point soon.
/r/Divorce_Men04/05/26 05:00 PM
8

Are you sure she isn't seeing someone else? I feel like people reading this are thinking it but nobody is saying it. Why did this start 3 months ago and why did she already have plans to move out? People that do stuff like this also like to blame shift so it's being put on you. And why do they love to do this right after puchasing a new house? Mine did the same. I remember watching a video by Matt Cross on YouTube, how to get your ex back. The way is to get in shape, get a hotter girl than her a…
/r/Divorce_Men07/04/26 12:45 PM
1

I sold my house right before covid and it was probably one of the biggest financial mistakes I've ever made. The house went up in value by $200,000. Apartments are like $1800-$2200 a month. I found a cheaper one which has been good, but now the landlord wants to cut my fios connection and all cables to the building as part of "routine maintenance". I was like, what the fuck are you talking about? This is the shit you deal with. Besides that there's neighbors that complain if you walk around or t…
/r/Divorce_Men02/04/26 01:17 PM
3

What state are you in, if these roles were reversed you would be getting alimony for the next 10 years to possbily for life.
/r/Divorce_Men25/03/26 04:25 PM
1

Same here. I was fine with the marriage ending. Supporting herr and her boyfriend that didn't work for 3 years? Still not happy about that.
/r/Divorce_Men22/03/26 04:34 PM
1

Right and family law can get into details of everything, but when it comes to looking back to see who put a large down payment or made mortgage payments, oh no sorry we don't do that.
/r/Divorce_Men20/03/26 12:23 PM
5

Yes I do mean that. In my opinion when you are married to someone and you have no kids and you both have adult jobs, one person should not have to "equlize" the salary and give up tons of money from their 401k and everything else. Those should be things you get as a benefit while you are married to that person. If you file for divorce you shouldn't get to have a new boyfriend then get payments from the ex husand. Also if I reversed genders here, women would be like yep you are right. It's bullsh…
/r/Divorce_Men19/03/26 08:08 PM
10

You can certainly take your clothes and documents, but then family law will also garnish your future wages for years and give it to your ex and their new boyfriend. They will also take thousands from your 401k, your checking, your savings, your investments, equity in the house.
/r/Divorce_Men19/03/26 05:04 PM
11

This is a good warning message about getting married. I think there are things intentionally left out of this story. I can almost guarantee that when she left and went to her other place and was so happy, there was another guy involved there. She didn't just go off and sit alone and think how happy she was. I've read the Men's divorce forum for years now, and never once have a read a guy say something like this and be so happy to have divorced someone. There is never this happy you only live onc…
/r/Divorce_Men04/03/26 04:08 PM
1

I don't have kids so I can't really be that helpful, but it sounds like she bullied you out of your own house. It's your house right? Isn't it the marital home where both of you have a right to live? I guess you always have the option of moving back in and calling 911 when she starts to flip out. Taking your phone out and hitting record also helps in these situations.
/r/Divorce_Men09/02/26 08:05 PM
18

How about the AskMen subreddit. Many women there answering questions. I would never contemplate going to AskWomen and responding to posts. Somehow they see responding on AskMen as something that is normal.
/r/MensRights19/01/26 08:14 PM
1

Stop watching Tik Tok for a whole day ok. It will make you feel better.
/r/PurplePillDebate10/01/26 12:48 AM
9

This argument is pretty much incoherent. I can't understand it, the only part I understood is women claiming this narrative that men don't see them as people, which probably comes from too many TikTok videos.
/r/PurplePillDebate09/01/26 03:20 PM
3

It just seems like the point of the post is to get people to try to use her as a divorce coach. It just occurred to me after wondering why divorce advice from a woman would be posted here. I don't post in divorce_women if that was real. Seems like the point is to acquire clients.
/r/Divorce_Men04/01/26 03:14 AM
16

Advertisement
/r/Divorce_Men04/01/26 02:08 AM
2

Getting testosterone checked is a good suggestion. I had mine checked and it was low.
/r/Divorce_Men02/01/26 03:44 PM
1

That is horrible, are you in the US? I am assuming no.
/r/Divorce_Men31/12/25 06:02 PM
5

You would probably get hit pretty hard in other states but it looks like Texas only has alimony in very specific cases like married over 10 years, domestic violence or disability issues.
/r/Divorce_Men30/12/25 02:55 PM
5

I think you do. When my alimony ended I knew those fuckers would try to keep taking it out of my pay. Had to talk to my lawyer and domestic relations. Don't trust the system to do anything right when it's in your favor. If they were to do something like double alimony they wouldn"t mess that up!
/r/Divorce_Men30/12/25 12:00 AM
2

She doesn't work so courts are going to hit you hard wirh alimony in most states. Length is based on time married so remember that.
/r/Divorce_Men27/12/25 10:11 PM
1

Yea that makes sense.
/r/Divorce_Men23/12/25 02:08 PM
3

She may have to pay you alimony for life depending on what state you are in. She isn't going to file. You should though. Why live like that.
/r/Divorce_Men22/12/25 10:38 PM
3

Even in states with no common law marriage? Do you think there is still any risk there? I paid 3 years alimony, now have a gf that pretty much lives with me but owns her own house.
/r/Divorce_Men19/12/25 10:42 PM
2

4 Years is not a long marriage. If you are paying alimony it should only be for like a year. You need a lawyer to write a settlement agreement to finalize the divorce. Going through a divorce where the other party has a lawyer and you don't, is a horrible idea.
/r/Divorce_Men16/12/25 05:21 PM
19

Wait until they start telling you that since she doesn't work you are being abusive by controlling her. I read somone saying that in another sub a few days ago.
/r/Divorce_Men15/12/25 01:39 AM
2

I have a few questions or issues with this though. Do you actually know these guys in your real life? Do you know a guy that has a chiseled jaw, really good looking, men's health type body and "social dominance"? What does that even mean? Is it like Travis Kelce or DiCaprio or Brad Pitt? They are celebrities and there aren't that many of them. I don't think I know any guys in my life that I would think, man that guy has social dominance. I can think of a few guys that I know from BJJ that I thin…
/r/PurplePillDebate14/12/25 06:15 PM
2

Together for 16 years but what is the length of the marriage? I'm wondering if she initially wanted a divorce and then talked to someone and realized she is going to get hammered by family law. Family law is like socialism. The higher earner will have to pay the lower earner based on formulas. If you have been married over 10 years in some states that could mean alimony for life, or until you get remarried. In Texas there is no alimony though. I'm wondering if she figured all this stuff out and …
/r/Divorce_Men09/12/25 04:30 PM
11

This is what I was thinking. I think he should probably ask her about this and see if she will just admit it.
/r/Divorce_Men25/11/25 02:26 PM
3

Joint accounts don't matter in divorce. The thing you have to understand about marriage is that family law overrides things that would be yours. That means your checking account, equity in your car, your savings, your 401k, her 401k, her checking, her savings, IRA's, stocks, equity in a house, your future paychecks if you make more than her. This stuff is all split up according to how courts see fit, equitable distribution or community property. However, many of those things depend on the length…
/r/Divorce_Men21/11/25 07:55 PM
8

Is it a coincidence she is leaving when the business is failing?
/r/Divorce_Men20/11/25 12:52 AM
2

Very true.
/r/Divorce_Men19/11/25 02:38 PM
1

I had to sell my house in the divorce. Since I sold the value went up like $175,000 dollars. Looking back I probably should have found a way to keep it. I definitely went through that period where it was just me in a big single family home with a two car garage, but I should have kept it.
/r/Divorce_Men12/11/25 06:41 PM
5

If they haven't had sex in 2 years, there's probably a lot more going on than this one fight though.
/r/Divorce_Men11/11/25 02:46 PM
2

I think it may be some post divorce PTSD stuff because I do the exact same thing. My current g/f has her own house about 40 minutes away, but stays at my apartment every night. If we get into any type of fight, I am pretty much going to home depot to get boxes to pack all of her shit. My g/f before her, I was staying with her and I can't tell you how many times I left work in the middle of the day in a rage to throw all of my shit in the jeep I had then.
/r/Divorce_Men06/11/25 08:32 PM
3

That's a good level. Mine is currently at 756. They keep having trouble getting it into the 900's so they have been increasing the dose each time I get labs done. Before TRT I used to take the stuff from ro.com all the time. I still use them once in a while, it's good to have it around for extra security, like I probably don't need it, but uh I want to make sure things are going to be good.
/r/Divorce_Men05/11/25 04:50 PM
3

Check testosterone level? I had mine checked and it came back at 199. I was surprised. If that is fine then yea stuff from your doctor should help. Just uh be careful with it. You know how they say if you have an erection for more than 4 hours then do this or that. Well I think sometimes that can happen while you're asleep and you have no idea. I think I had consequences of that one time, it got better after a few days, but was really kind of unpleasant and scary for a few days.
/r/Divorce_Men05/11/25 04:10 PM
2

PA
/r/Divorce_Men05/11/25 01:24 PM
2

I probably would not have stayed. The issue for me was financial. After a 7 year marriage where we both worked full time and no kids, my initial order was alimony of $1400 per month for 3 years. She started dating my best friend at the time, so the court pretty much ordered me to fianance a large part of their relationship. I didn't think that was very fair. Alimony amounts are based on length of the marriage and income levels. So if you have a higher income and and stay married for longer, you …
/r/Divorce_Men04/11/25 03:13 PM
2

They care if you are good looking and make money. Do you think they are going to ask Brad Pitt who all his friends are and turn him down.
/r/Divorce_Men17/10/25 04:13 PM
0

Friends are overrated when you get older. I had a good friend and he started having sex with my ex wife two weeks after divorce was filed. Then everyone else I thought was my friend, except one or two stopped talking to me becuase they were either her firends or their wives were her friends. I like to use the saying being ostracized isn't only for ostriches. I made that one up. Maybe just go on a dating app and meet some new girls and go out with them instead of going out with a bunch of dudes l…
/r/Divorce_Men16/10/25 08:41 PM
2

That is awesome.
/r/Divorce_Men13/10/25 03:38 PM
0

I'm not saying women are wrong for being that way. I'm just saying I think that is probably the top thing, not hardworking, kindness, emotional stability, sense of humor, ambition and on and on and on. All of those are the attributes they want in the good looking guy. I think it would be more honest if they would just admit that in the surveys but I think it makes them seem shallow. Also if I went on a women's forum and said I'm not dating any overweight women because they don't take care of the…
/r/Divorce_Men30/09/25 03:06 PM
6

During the Ren fair she was unknowingly avoiding me and spending a lot of time with him. WRONG
/r/Divorce_Men30/09/25 01:30 PM
9

What women will do is list the qualites that they want in a really good looking Chad type dude. They want that guy to be loyal and kind to them and on an on. But they don't list looks and money as being the most important, because to them this is IMPLIED. They aren't listing qualities they want average joe overweight guy to have.
/r/Divorce_Men29/09/25 03:30 PM
13

I hear that's how they are. As a guy if you gain weight, women a lot of times will say it doesn't matter, oh dad bods are in, but I think in reality they are just completely disgusted by it and think we are the scum of the earth. There is no BBM porn out there. The way people (women) in the world that you know and don't know treat you when in shape vs out of shape is very different. I'm not talking about being a huge big fat person like on my 600lb life, I just mean liike being at your BMI vs ov…
/r/Divorce_Men27/09/25 01:23 PM
4

When I was mad that my ex filed for divorce, I tried to take her off my health insurance and they wouldn't let me do it. I can't remember what the reasons were but they don't let you just remove people when you are still married but mad at them or whatever. WIth maintenance type payments it can vary by state. From my experience, there are 3 types. The first is spousal support, which can happen even befoer divorce is filed. Then after divorce is filed, there is alimony pendente lite (pronounced L…
/r/Divorce_Men25/09/25 06:13 PM
6

This post is stupid and totally wrong. Reads like some fucking women's talking point troll post You think we would give a fuck if we didn't get financially wrecked by family law?
/r/Divorce_Men25/09/25 02:40 AM
6

That sounds pretty typical. I think mine ended up costing $14,000 in legal fees. The goal is to get them to write a divorce settlement agreement that you both agree to and sign.
/r/Divorce_Men16/09/25 05:51 PM
1

Yes, it does. This is no fault divorce. She can cheat, and it's nobody's fault.
/r/Divorce_Men25/08/25 06:04 PM
2

That's good for you then. They will want W2's and paystubs, they won't look back and care that you made more in the past. If there is no really significant income difference then alimony may not be a factor, which is really good.
/r/Divorce_Men20/08/25 02:37 PM
1

Yes, that is a possiblity. I didn't really understand this stuff when I went through it. A divorce filing is a civil lawsuit. The end goal of that lawsuit is going to be something called a settlement agreement. I didn't know this until the day my lawyer drafted one. The settlement agreement will list all of the assets and debt and list who gets what. It will address alimony. I had to pay almoney during the actual divorce negotiations also, which they call alimony pendente lite. (pen den ta le ta…
/r/Divorce_Men20/08/25 01:54 PM
1

Yes, it is.
/r/Divorce_Men19/08/25 07:57 PM
2

I would focus on how you can protect that retirement money from family law. I don't think there are a lot of things that are divorce proof, maybe something you inherit and never mix into marital funds. Things like houses, cars, 401k, checking, savings, stocks, anything you earned on your own and she did not contribute to at all are hers.
/r/Divorce_Men19/08/25 05:29 PM
22

I would really like to get married again. The only thing is she will have to make 2.5 times my salary at least, own her own home, pay all the utilities, maybe let me live in it for free, she should have a 401k, of which I will be entitled 1/2 of an increases during the marriage and some money in checking and savings. I think if we can meet all of those standards I may consider marriage again.
/r/Divorce_Men19/08/25 02:39 PM
1

Are you the post divorce time enforcer police?
/r/Divorce_Men10/02/25 02:23 PM
13

If the situation were reversed you would have to support her via spousal support, alimony pendente lite and finally alimony. In divorce the higher earner loses. Family law is like having Bernie Sanders between you two. So hire a lawyer and I have a feeling your wife will regret this, at least financially.
/r/Divorce_Men01/10/24 08:17 PM
5

I don't care what she says, there is only ONE reason she wants to be alone in an apartment. Everyone here knows what it is. Do you?
/r/Divorce_Men30/09/24 08:20 PM
4

I think he means that if you are married to an engineer then divorce him after ten years the woman can be awarded alimony for life because it is considered a long term marriage.
/r/Divorce_Men01/08/24 12:06 AM
1

Why would you have to argue that in court? Is your divorce going to trial? I'm in PA and in my divorce my ex wanted to live with her new boyfriend and my lawyer told them the standard today is that she would not receive support or alimony if co-habitating. That ended up in my divorce decree. She was not even allowed to live with somone of the same sex and still get alimony. So I would definitely fight paying her while she is co-habitating wtih someone else. It's total bullshit too, why should yo…
/r/Divorce_Men01/07/24 01:59 PM
7

If you're going to have to go through a divorce, it's much better to go through it when you are instead of years later. If you earn more you end up paying alimony, possibly losing your house to pay off the other person's share of the equity, I lost $50,000 from my 401k. I mean who knew someone that never contributed a single penny to your 401k would be entitled to 50 grand? They never mentioned that to me in the 401k meetings at work. Anyway, usually when women need space to be alone and are thi…
/r/Divorce_Men24/06/24 05:11 PM
15

I agree. He is upset because he thinks he is in a normal relationship and not a scam/long-con.
/r/Divorce_Men17/06/24 01:11 PM
3

Yep, this is all a setup.
/r/Divorce_Men03/06/24 02:19 PM
22

The feelings of wanting to figure out what went wrong will start going away once she starts trying to financially rape you. Maybe she won't, but she probably will. The difference in your incomes will be the biggest factor if she gets alimony. She is probably having an affair with someone she works with or some other guy in her life. That's why she needs her own space and is being so drastic. It's probably not that you did anything wrong, it's that you aren't new anymore and she is selfish and is…
/r/Divorce_Men20/05/24 01:31 PM
1

What were the rules?
/r/Divorce_Men20/03/24 12:44 AM
8

I know this is hard but listen there is a huge silver lining here. Most of us guys get financially ruined in divorce. You are a surgeon so you could be getting wiped off the planet financially, but you won't be. She makes more than you. I can't tell you how much of a win that is. There are people in her that are paying alimony for life. I had to pay for 3 years. Now the next part. You're a surgeon!!! Like holy shit. This may be normalized to you, but that is amazing. I just read the ending and I…
/r/Divorce_Men14/03/24 05:56 PM
5

I agree with rage and heartache. Anger is a good motivator. The other thing is when you are finally around a new girl they will do stuff like feel your stomach through your shirt and when that type of thing happens you want to have put in the work ahead of time.
/r/Divorce_Men14/03/24 05:07 PM
18

Well that should end the alimony.
/r/Divorce_Men13/03/24 08:32 PM
4

I haven't heard from him for several years. When I had just found out he told me that him and my ex wife were at her house laughing at me. The whole experience definitely changed me. I think probably for the better though. I rarely drink alcohol anymore, I lost weight, I'm probably in the best shape I've ever been in, I train Jiu-Jitsu and Muay Thai multiple times per week. I'm getting matches on the apps. I went from having $60,000 in credit card debt to no debt at all for anything.
/r/Divorce_Men12/03/24 02:44 PM
2

This guy speaks the truth.
/r/Divorce_Men12/03/24 12:59 AM
15

Yes, this happened to me. She was actually chasing a 26 year old friend but then 2 weeks after she filed started sleeping with my best friend. He kept saying things to me like "just go apologize to her". For what? The shit she is doing? So I stopped talking to him then found out about a year later once things were signed and finalized. I think a lot of times it's coworkers or friends because they are the people they interact with in real life and it's easier than meeting strangers.
/r/Divorce_Men11/03/24 06:50 PM
9

Living with a woman is not going to reduce your expenses.
/r/Divorce_Men11/03/24 05:44 PM
3

Good sense of humor there despite all of this going on. I read the whole story.
/r/Divorce_Men08/03/24 11:46 AM
6

Hey man just listen to your lawyer so you don't end up LIVING IN A VAN DOWN BY THE RIVER. Now that is a Chris Farley SNL joke for those that don't know.
/r/Divorce_Men08/03/24 04:34 AM
4

I think it's because humans are supposed to be isolated and solitary. That being said, I have never had to pay an ex girilfriend alimony, sell a house because of her or lose $50,000 from retirement. Those things happened because I was married. It was also because of the person I was married to. I shouldn't have ignored red flags, but I did.
/r/Divorce_Men07/03/24 12:35 PM
13

When I confronted my then wife about some things she used the line "everyone has affairs" then slammed a door. Like my wedding vows hard a a section on affairs that I missed. To have and to hold, and she can have affairs and till death do us part. Wait huh?
/r/Divorce_Men05/03/24 08:28 PM
2

I would pay it off too before she takes half of the 8k. You want to get out of this as soon as possible. Alimony term is determined by the length of the marriage. Every day you stay with her is adding on to the time you will be supporting her after the divorce. It's a huge risk to every let someone that you are married to stay home and not work.
/r/Divorce_Men05/03/24 07:25 PM
1

This is the real danger. If you yell at her, point your finger at her or look at her the wrong way she is going to start telling everyone she is "scared to be around you" and you have been a controlling abuser for the whole relationship. If she calls the police, you may be arrested. It's a good idea to have a bag packed just incase an argument starts. You want to have physical space between you or barriers like a locked door so there is no chance of physical contact. Even if she grabs you then t…
/r/Divorce_Men04/03/24 05:03 PM
5

That's what I think. Also when women say they need space they leave out the last part of the sentence, which is "to have sex with someone else".
/r/Divorce_Men02/03/24 11:47 PM
10

Good win for a change. I'm on Hinge but I always pause my profile because I hate it. First person after unpause "A typical Sunday is me cooking dinner for my 5 kids". What the fuck is wrong with people.
/r/Divorce_Men29/02/24 12:29 AM
6

I don't think they care. They try to assign legal fatherhood to the husband if he's married to the wife even when they know she cheated and he is not the father. It's one of the additional benefits of marriage!!!
/r/Divorce_Men27/02/24 03:38 PM
3

I swear only lawyers can come up with shit this stupid. We know you're not the father but you are the legal father.
/r/Divorce_Men27/02/24 02:20 PM
6

This is family law for you. What a disaster. I lost $50,000 with all of that QRDO bullshit. It's so fucked up that family law overrides your ownership in everything. I don't even get how this shit is legal. Those 401k guys always come in to your work, want to help you pick a diversified plan, nobody mentions you can lose HALF if your wife decides to start fucking your best friend or some coworker. WHERE IS THAT IN THE 401k? Why can some other non related contract (marriage) override all these ot…
/r/Divorce_Men24/02/24 08:21 PM
2

I'm divorced about 4 years now and no kids. Had a bad 3.5 year relationship post divorce. So now I'm single and have been on FB Dating for about 2 weeks. So many single moms with one, two, three kids at home. When I was younger, like 25 I would have just ignored it because I didn't know better. I don't ignore it now. I'm just like where TF is the dad? Why are you single with all of these toddlers? I had to pay alimony and I'm not dating anyone that is a system milker. Ok, wait though, now for th…
/r/Divorce_Men23/02/24 03:05 PM
5

What a bitch, paying for all of that therapy, wasting all that time and she's cheating. Try to create physical space between you two if you are shaking and upset. It's a giant fucked up trap where if you yell at her or fight she will call you an abuser and call the cops. They will believe her. In divorce law affairs don't matter for the most part. So be careful.
/r/Divorce_Men23/02/24 03:34 AM
1

Really? I've only been on for a week and have been getting matches, but haven't been out with anyone yet. I think I'll give Hinge a try. I tried it before for a day and I'm pretty sure I had 0 matches, some guy kept showing up and some girl near me looked like she was trying to marry an NFL quarterback. I got annoyed and deleted it in a day. Maybe I have to give it more time.
/r/Divorce_Men20/02/24 07:49 PM
0

Try Facebook Dating. It's free and there are people on it.
/r/Divorce_Men20/02/24 04:21 AM
25

Pure wisdom right here.
/r/MensRights18/02/24 04:23 PM
8

lol wtf is even happening right now? This was like one of the biggest divorce wins possible.
/r/Divorce_Men15/02/24 07:17 PM
3

I had to do this last year and it really pissed me off. What a bullshit tax rule. I didn't have to pay any this year, alimony is over thank god.
/r/Divorce_Men10/02/24 10:14 PM
12

When people say greyrock they mean to not say things upset and angry to the spouse or friend group so it will not be used against them. it doesn't mean they should use grey rock tactics on their internet support forum. Being angry about things is usually a human response to something that is unfair. I'm sure you know this and are just being a troll though.
/r/Divorce_Men08/02/24 04:37 PM
8

Not sure about UK law but if you can get out of alimony, spousal support or losing 1/2 your retirement then use the non disclosure of the affair as leverage. Sucks when they do this. Mine did it around the same age. The narrative is men have a mid life crisis and buy a convertible or motorcycle, the reality is women have them and start screwing other people. All you can do now is detach, try to protect yourself financially, don't yell at her or you may get arrested. Distance is better now.
/r/Divorce_Men08/02/24 12:51 AM
3

If it's not going to work it's better to get out now. If you are in the US and in a blue state you could get hit with alimony for life if you stay married over 10 years. It happens to guys a lot in the divorce men sub. In divorce it's like socialism, the biggest loser with lowest income is rewarded the most.
/r/MensRights06/02/24 12:15 PM
4

That amount sounds crazy for your income. They have formulas though. Why can't she get a job? I think courts can impute her income. You need a lawyer like yesterday though. I don't think you should even communicate with her lawyer.
/r/Divorce_Men05/02/24 11:04 PM
2

Sounds like good advice. Then make sure the divorce decree states once signed nothing can be changed.
/r/Divorce_Men05/02/24 10:06 PM
5

She wants $11,000 per month or per year?
/r/Divorce_Men05/02/24 10:05 PM
2

I was going to vote for Desantis just because of this.
/r/Divorce_Men05/02/24 10:05 PM
1

Yea I can relate to how he always goes back because that's what I did for 3 years. It's usually because a few weeks would pass by, I wouldn't have anyone to talk to, then she would act normal, lay on guilt trips. She would say things like you should be here, I'm scared of sleeping alone, the dog misses you, he is waiting by the door and crying. That would go on until I broke down and then the cycle would repeat. I would joke with my mom and say it's her fault for making me into a person that is …
/r/MensRights03/02/24 06:17 PM
3

I've been through incidents where I was chased to my car, had to call police from a locked bedroom, had to leave my house after ex gf forced her way in. In every case my number one priority was to create physical distance or a barrier. I know as a guy if there is any physical contact, even by her, I could be arrested. She eventually made a false allegation and I had to get a lawyer involved. They sent her a cease and desist and warned her that I would go after her for defamation and harassment i…
/r/MensRights03/02/24 12:13 AM
4

Yea I know this is new to the OP and he is saying he is confused, but love is blind and as an outsider looking in, I think she is seeing is seeing someone else.
/r/Divorce_Men31/01/24 01:46 PM
20

I consider my 7 year marriage a long-con.
/r/Divorce_Men30/01/24 06:35 AM
3

Thank you for saying this. I hope the OP actually reads this and listens to this advice. Doing this is really a life changing decision.
/r/MensRights29/01/24 06:40 PM
13

I don't have kids but you want people on a men's divorce forum to tell you how to help some lady get sole custody and move the kid to another state? Maybe stay out of it and stop trying to play captain save a *** or whatever you are doing. Many of us have lost out houses, had to live with parents, in cars, in hotels or various combinations. There has also never been a divorced woman that didn't claim she was abused. Did you get the guy's side of the story on all of this? Women tend to go on hard…
/r/Divorce_Men29/01/24 07:50 AM
11

That's what I was thinking. That line sounds like a bunch of bullshit. They just get bored then make shit up to make it the guy's fault.
/r/Divorce_Men29/01/24 02:16 AM
3

Yea. Mine had a full time job and started sleeping with my old best friend 2 weeks after filing. So it was nice having to help finance their relationship for 3 years. Fuck getting married.
/r/MensRights27/01/24 07:41 PM
17

Respectfully, that is a horrible idea. She will go complain that she is some kind of slave then guess what happens when she files for divorce? Family law will base her alimony payments on the difference between your income and hers. You could get it with $2,000 per month for years depending on how much you make. Why? Because she folded your laundry? Alimony is no joke. I got hit with $1400 per month at first, no kids.
/r/MensRights26/01/24 09:21 PM
25

She also abused an animal because she stabbed her own dog.
/r/MensRights26/01/24 12:54 AM
4

She also stabbed her dog.
/r/MensRights24/01/24 11:00 PM
2

Not sure but $20k isn't that much more.
/r/Divorce_Men24/01/24 01:35 PM
4

Discord? Multiplayer games? I've been considering these. I think I'm going to get a nice headset first though.
/r/Divorce_Men21/01/24 02:01 PM
18

That would be called being an adult and getting a job. The reverse like you are pointing out doesn't make sense because nobody gives a fuck if a guy "goes into poverty" or has to sleep in his car. Alimony with no kids involved should be abolished but that will only happen when more women have to pay it. A lot of guys don't sue for it because we aren't low life system milking pieces of shit.
/r/MensRights19/01/24 11:18 PM
16

Sounds like defamation to me.
/r/MensRights18/01/24 10:40 PM
3

The alimony payments over 10 years are an annuity paid monthly. In order to figure out the present value of all of those payments over the 10 years you can use a present value of annunity calculator. You have to put in an interest rate, which is the rate that someone would expect to earn over the years. I put it in a calculator online and here's what I got: Monthly Payment $10,000 Interest Rate: 8% Years: 10 Present Value of Annuity: $814,214.81 Present Value of Annunity Calculator
/r/Divorce_Men18/01/24 09:57 PM
1

I agree. Just focus on getting rid of her and protecting assets. The guy will find out if he doesn't already know. It's really is astonishing the person you marry would go off and have an affair instead of taking care of you.
/r/Divorce_Men14/01/24 10:35 PM
12

Yea no good deed goes unpunished. She was either financially irresponsible or using you or both. I think for me it was both. My ex is remarried now though, the new guy fakes disability and will never have a job. Things are expensive now, so that makes me feel better. At this point it's all a sunk cost. The silver lining is that when you are single with a cheap apartment, like I am, it's amazing how debt will get paid off, emergency funds funded, stocks bought, car paid off.
/r/Divorce_Men14/01/24 05:17 PM
0

Yea we support you, just trying to tell you how family law works in reality, Nobody will care what you paid. If they did they would say oh you paid that so you should keep paying for more stuff. Family court is like socialism, they want to take as much as they can from you and give it to her.
/r/Divorce_Men12/01/24 10:59 PM
12

I have a feeling this process is going to be kind of a rude awakening for you. When my ex first filed I remember thinking yea I'm going to get her. I'm going to take the money away, she made a huge mistake. The only way you are going to accomplish what you say is if you make minimum wage and she makes over $100k. Even then family law will probably find a way to screw you.
/r/Divorce_Men12/01/24 07:39 PM
6

She probably already has a new guy. If not the whole i love you but not in love with you is womanese for I want to go screw at least one other person to possibly many. I was really angry during that time. During divorce proceedings my ex was telling people at her work "I have a husband and a boyfriend right now". Like it was funny and she was proud of it. Fucking karma will catch up with that bitch eventually.
/r/Divorce_Men12/01/24 01:02 AM
3

That is the answer pretty much always. They have hundreds of options because of dating apps, they get bored in the marriage, family law is setup to make the husband pay them after divorce, affairs are totally fine according to family law. I just saw one story, it may have been on Youtube, where the wife has FOUR kids and divorced the husband so she could try to date every guy where their name started with each letter of the alphabet. Then she was posting TikTok videos of her being lonely and ups…
/r/MensRights10/01/24 03:40 PM
1

When the process started for me they diagnosed me with something like episodic depression, I can't remember if that was the term. It was more anger than depression though. I can't even write here some of the things going through my head then. She refereed me to a group of female therapists. I'm sure they are fine and I don't hate all females or anything but in my head I was thinking I would rather go to the dentist from Little Shop of Horrors.
/r/Divorce_Men10/01/24 01:26 AM
5

50,000 from 401k, $26,000 alimony, $14,000 lawyer fees, $12,000 spousal support.
/r/Divorce_Men09/01/24 01:10 AM
3

She's up to something. Could be someone at work or this ex or someone else. In the eyes of family law none of that matters though. The game now is trying to protect current and future assets.
/r/Divorce_Men09/01/24 12:34 AM
2

Hold on now. Most women don't do this until they have some other guy in the picture. You are saying there isn't one but in another comment said she was having a 2.5 YEAR emotional affair with an ex. Just because you see him as some idiot or loser, which he may be, doesn't mean she won't run off with him or sleep with him. They will just because it's different and not you. I think this is going to come up, the whole she can't talk to you line is bullshit gaslighting. So yea you should probably no…
/r/Divorce_Men08/01/24 09:43 PM
10

It could be that she is trying to get you riled up, is trying to hurt you AND has lost all respect for you. There may not be much time left. Just be assured that you will be painted as a verbally, emotionally and financially abusive husband and every good time you have ever had will disappear from the past history of the universe.
/r/Divorce_Men04/01/24 10:57 PM
1

Do they have the ability to expand storage like Xbox? If so maybe get a 2TB external SSD and download games before going to the hotel. Then if it is restrictied and you just need to get on playstation network you could use your phone's wifi as a hotspot. I wouldn't stay in a hotel too long though, save that money for a lawyer. I went through a divorce and it's an expesive process, especially if they hit you with spousal suppport and alimony.
/r/Divorce_Men04/01/24 08:32 PM
7

Yea she is already suing you. You are really lucky that you've only been married 4 years. I would get this thing going ASAP before the marriage goes any longer and they start hitting you with years of alimony.
/r/Divorce_Men02/01/24 07:03 PM
1

Yea I started getting a tolerance so I upped my nightly doseage to 2 Diphenhydramine Unisom tablets and 2 Unisom doxylamine tablets. The last time I did that though I woke up at 12pm then ate food and fell back asleep until 7pm. I always have a hard time sleeping and those pills just knock me out which I love, but I usually get up at 5:30am and the next day fog head and tiredness got to be too much. So I'm trying to sleep without them which will result in me laying awake for almost a full night …
/r/Divorce_Men02/01/24 03:36 PM
5

No.
/r/Divorce_Men02/01/24 03:28 PM
3

That's interesting though. I think my gym has one but I never used it. Maybe I will try it.
/r/Divorce_Men30/12/23 10:07 PM
4

This sounds like fraud to me.
/r/MensRights30/12/23 09:10 PM
1

I took a 401k distribution to pay off $50,000 of it.
/r/Divorce_Men30/12/23 12:58 AM
17

Over a 7 year marriage I ended up in around $60,000 of high interest credit card debt. It was all because of giving in to her demands for bigger houses, new kitchens, landscaping, floors, vacations. She never helped pay $1 of it off. Then she was done with me and started having sex with my old friend 2 weeks after filing. Alimony is finally over. I have no credit card debt, car is paid off, money is being saved and invested each pay. I learned a hard lesson there. Now I refuse to live with my cu…
/r/Divorce_Men29/12/23 04:56 PM
3

You may be forgetting about alimony depending in where you live. I made more than my ex and had to pay her for 3 years.
/r/Divorce_Men29/12/23 03:57 PM
3

Agreed. These things really changed my life and if it weren't for them I would still be drinking a lot.
/r/Divorce_Men25/12/23 12:50 AM
20

They always find a way to blame you for their cheating.
/r/RPChristians19/12/23 05:52 PM
2

I ended up getting an apartment in a good town that is $1300 per month. I can afford much more than that, but I'm not paying $2100 for a one bedroom apartment with a movie theatre in it I will never use. It look me a while of watching apartment listings, but try to find something low priced in a good town. With kitchens everyone gave good advice already. It's funny how many of us count our plates and cups. I do the same thing. I don't need stacks of dishes and overflowing cabinets and pots and p…
/r/Divorce_Men19/12/23 04:17 PM
7

My lawyer told me that since I had provided her an increase in her lifestyle that I was then responsible for upholding that lifestyle post divorce. That is the part of family law that needs to change. Why in the world should we be responsible for continuing to support a person that is already making $80,000 per year and most likely is the one that broke up the marriage? This really fits into the no good deed goes unpunished category. I hope the 3 years is up soon. I had to pay for 3 years and it…
/r/Divorce_Men19/12/23 01:52 PM
1

I'm not sure if it translates to my past very well. However, one of the big reasons guys are so upset about divorce is we tend to get financially wrecked by it for years. Many times it's the guy making more and in turn providing for their family. They buy houses, cars, food, vacations, concerts and all of this stuff and then they file for divorce. All of the past money has been down the drain, which sucks but we can also deal with. The problem becomes post divorce when we lost 1/2 our retirement…
/r/Divorce_Men18/12/23 08:21 PM
5

The amount of people that are getting diagnosed with ADHD so they can go on stimulants is really getting out of control. You don't have ADHD because you went to some clinic where they diagnosis you with ADHD then have you pay them to write the prescription. If she is making more money than you then you want to keep it that way. Family law heavily penalizes the higher earner and will take their money and give it to the lower earner. They do this via spousal support, alimony pendente lite and fina…
/r/Divorce_Men18/12/23 02:41 PM
6

Reasons to never get married right here. You know they want to get engaged, pressure you, give ultimatums then one day they are just like I think I want to do something else now. They need to change the laws so if you just decide to leave you can, but you can't take any equity, alimony or retirement that isn't yours. Total bullshit.
/r/Divorce_Men17/12/23 11:31 PM
1

I think having the lawyers figure it out would probably be the best option.
/r/Divorce_Men17/12/23 10:58 PM
1

Do you own the house? If so just walk in and get your stuff.
/r/Divorce_Men16/12/23 11:46 PM
0

Yea seriously. We aren't women, we don't need people to help us with feelings like feeling safe and secure. We need family law to stop abusing us financially. I had my wages garnished for 3 years to my ex wife, who had a full time job making over $60,000 per year while she was sleeping with my old best friend. She kept an apartment near her job while actuallying living with him. That way I couldn't prove it. If she moved in with him full time, the alimony would stop. She got rid of the apartment…
/r/MensRights16/12/23 09:28 PM
38

True. This isn't red pill, blue pill or black pill. It's family law.
/r/MensRights16/12/23 08:33 PM
7

Yea if you don't agree with everything they say and bow down to them like a servant they think they are victims of abuse. In another forum a girl said she had trauma because she didn't feel attracted to her boyfriend. The level of victimhood these days is off the charts.
/r/Divorce_Men16/12/23 08:31 PM
50

Jonathan Majors Video of The Actual Incident Link to the Story This is really disturbing to me because I have been in this situation at least 4-5 times with my ex gf. Whenever we would argue I would just try to get away from her so there would be no physical contact at all. Several times it involved running away from her and her chasing. In this case, she read messages on his phone she didn't like. She tries to grab his phone. He is trying to get out of the car but it looks like she won't let hi…
/r/MensRights14/12/23 05:18 PM
16

There is no responsible and ethical way to let your wife have sex with a bunch of guys while you are married. I mean was that in your wedding vows? Would you really think it was ok if a therapist told you. I have to imagine something in your gut says like 'uh, maybe this is a bad idea'. Kind of like that old Saturday Night Live skit with "Bad Idea Jeans". The guy is like, hey, I know I'm a renter, but I think I'm going to totally gut my apartment. Then the camera zooms in on the tag of "Bad Idea…
/r/Divorce_Men14/12/23 03:10 PM
60

Hopefully since you have a law degree you understand what would happen if she stays home for ten years, gets bored, has an affair and tells you how she loves you, but isn’t in love with you. Consider how much of your future wages will go directly to her and her affair partner for years and years. Since her earning potential is so much lower you would get absolutely nailed with alimony and possibly for life. At least half of all equity in real estate, retirement accounts, investments and savings …
/r/MensRights14/12/23 11:47 AM
13

A lawyer probably told her to stay married for another few years to collect more alimony. She just has a different definition of “work on the marriage” than you.
/r/Divorce_Men13/12/23 12:32 AM
6

It may have saved their marriage but it killed his career. I'll never watch another one of his movies. It's a shame he is so brainwashed, this lady is not even good looking. It's a mystery to me why he even looks in her direction.
/r/MensRights10/12/23 07:44 PM
1

Yea you can get a temp order for 2 weeks, but you have to fill out a justification for being afraid of violence and getting a single phone call from your parents with no threats would be hard to justify. I realize they grant temp orders automatically because they are worried about someone getting killed because of the delay. I'm just saying that part sounded fake to me.
/r/MensRights10/12/23 03:25 PM
7

The part that doesn't make sense is the last part in red. You can't just take restraining orders out on people and have them granted, at least as a guy. There is supposed to be a threat of violence to take out an order of protection. If you are a female, you can say you are scared of the person and more likely to get it. I doubt as a guy they would just grant that over a phone call.
/r/MensRights09/12/23 10:24 PM
6

Great comment.
/r/Divorce_Men05/12/23 06:13 AM
1

Why did she want you to be her servant or something? Give her all your money, you do all the house work, go where ever she wants all the time and when she doesn't get her way, you have to change? Fuck that. I got so sick of doing all the dumb shit my ex wanted to do. I couldn't even imagine a reality now where a girl would get me to go to a renaissance fair. Can't believe the time and money wasted, all so she can hoe it up again.
/r/Divorce_Men05/12/23 05:44 AM
7

You are entitled to spousal support which is like alimony but for when the divorce is ongoing. My ex wife had a job but they still hit me with $1,400 per month during the divorce. These things are done through domestic relations, try looking that up for your county.
/r/Divorce_Men04/12/23 03:48 AM
2

I think the trust would be in your mom's name and you would be the beneficiary. A girl I know had her house in a trust her dad managed. She got divorced and her and the husband were considered renters. Guy got no part of the equity. See how women protect their shit? Actually her dad was smart and did it for her, but still.
/r/Divorce_Men04/12/23 03:19 AM
6

Thanks. That other post was really obnoxious and not how this forum is. The person seemed to be reading advice that may have been given to others when there was a very contentious divorce, possibly reporting false domestic violence claims and then applying that advice to their situation which was totally different. In most cases in this forum guys know they are going to lose so many times the advice is to get through it as fast as you can even if you are going to lose more than you want to. If y…
/r/Divorce_Men03/12/23 11:23 PM
8

The cost of divorce isn't good but that isn't usually the biggest issue. The problem is that if you make more than your wife, the courts will take money from your future pay checks for YEARS post divorce and give the money to her and her new boyfriend. They were the good old days of learning family law. My ex wife and my old friend that is now dating her collecting money from me every month, while emailing me telling me they are both laughing at me. I also lost $50,000 from my 401k and had to se…
/r/Divorce_Men01/12/23 04:36 PM
3

God how can anyone ever forgive you? Should you go to counseling and trauma therapy? Maybe a better idea is to tell her to shut her face and stop being so annoying. That may be impossible though.
/r/Divorce_Men29/11/23 05:10 PM
13

There are stories where guys take care of women, pay off all their debts, then end up getting cheated on, disrespected and left behind. They say we create "covert contracts", like I take care of you, pay for this and this and in exchange you owe me to stay and do these things". I think it may be in that Mr Nice Guy book. I had a gf that lived with me for a while, she was looking for a job, I worked full time and was in grad school. Got home from class at like 9pm, no food at all. She was home al…
/r/Divorce_Men28/11/23 09:51 PM
6

I remember all the stuff in the basement. I decided I wanted to keep the bins all her stuff was in so I started dumping it all in a pile on the basement floor. After a few minutes I realized I was breaking and throwing a bunch of stuff and should probably stop. Good times.
/r/Divorce_Men27/11/23 04:00 PM
1

Yea I totally agree with this. I've never heard of maximalism but it sounds exactly how most people are. The other thing is, sometimes when people are like this they make it impossible for you to help even if you try to be nice and declutter. It's always like. no don't touch that, I need to go through those things first. Then they never actually do that so the clutter remains. It's like the most infuriating part of watching the show hoarders and the same type of thing but on a smaller scale.
/r/Divorce_Men27/11/23 11:34 AM
3

I swear I read somewhere that family law doesn't care about affairs but they do care if one person starts spending marital funds on an affair partner. I think going forward you need a lawyer and you need to careful not to get into any yelling fights. If you do she may call the police and claim domestic violence. This system is designed to protect her. People will support her and her affair. Courts won't care. The big things that matter now are length of marriage and the income difference. I thin…
/r/Divorce_Men26/11/23 03:23 PM
1

I think they can also garnish your wages. I allowed mine to be garnished for alimony so I didn't have to deal with writing checks. I can't stand family law though. It's like they award alimony or spousal support and as soon as they do it, on that day they are like oh you are in "arrears". No I'm not you fucking retards. How can you be late on something that was just ORDERED TODAY? Stupid fucking lawyers and all of their LSAT Logic games but they come up with this stupid illogical bullshit. Anywa…
/r/Divorce_Men22/11/23 04:39 PM
3

Just get ready to be blamed for her cheating, patined as an abuser and for most people to take her side. That's usually how it goes. Start getting ready financially, stop putting money in a 401k, have some cash, don't get in any yelling matches or she could call the police and try to have you arrested.
/r/Divorce_Men18/11/23 03:03 PM
1

I'm pretty sure they can take your driver's license away if you don't pay alimony. If I were you I would have more business expenses so it lowers your pay to what she would make if she worked. Isn't it funny how the person that married you and was supposed to love you makes it their life's mission to fuck you over financially? Anyway, you need to reduce your income.
/r/Divorce_Men17/11/23 11:20 PM
0

I got involved with someone about six months after my ex filed. Man the first relationship post divorce was a 3 year disaster. I think she finally has a new guy because I haven't heard from her in a few weeks, other than a few emails telling me she loved me, how much of an asshole I am and more stuff about how she wants to die. I guess sometimes there are reasons these girls are single. Things have been quiet lately. I'm not spending money buying her food and taking her out. I swear when I would…
/r/Divorce_Men17/11/23 10:05 PM
32

It sounds like she is going to be the one regretting this after she finds out she is going to be paying spousal support and alimony.
/r/Divorce_Men16/11/23 05:36 PM
1

Damn they done got serial killers up there testifying.
/r/Divorce_Men16/11/23 12:09 AM
3

Also, she is not asking to take the money out and pay for a down payment. She is asking to "borrow" the money which implies a loan and the money being paid back which would mean laywers and contracts would be involved.
/r/Divorce_Men15/11/23 04:41 PM
3

You can go on the normal divorce sub or even read enough posts here and look at the amount of women that file for divorce and break up the marriage with small children. They do it for all kinds of trivial reasons. The guys are always fighting to see the kids. I think you just dropped in here and are trolling and that's fine if you have some need to add more drama to your life. It doesn't bother me that much, but as someone else pointed out if you haven't been through a divorce and you aren't inv…
/r/Divorce_Men15/11/23 04:33 PM
5

I think the issue here is you are assuming that if you get married, you will have someone that is with you until you are old or whatever. Is that really true? Women can dissolve the marriage at any time and get rewarded financially. My parents are still married so I'm not saying it can't work but you have to be careful. If you marry someone that makes the same or near your salary it's less risky. I never even considered the possibility I would be divorced because it just seemed so unlikely. Then…
/r/Divorce_Men15/11/23 12:39 AM
2

Dude you have a girlfriend, dogs and still own a house? You should be proud. it's like impossible to buy a house now. It sounds like you are killing it.
/r/Divorce_Men13/11/23 04:33 PM
2

Just curious, what is the depression about? It is like because you are alone now or upset about the divorce? Maybe it's like the stages of grief or something? I think I just went right to this mix of anger and then acceptance. It sounds like you're doing the right things if you are geting out and running and working out a bit.
/r/Divorce_Men13/11/23 02:42 PM
-1

Dude go to the ro.com site and get stuff, it will fix that issue.
/r/Divorce_Men12/11/23 02:09 AM
8

Stop putting money in 401k, don't let her run up credit cards, put money in a new account or take cash out so you have it. The big things that matter in divorce is the disparity in income, length of marriage and assets. If you make more than her you can end up paying alimony. Two years is short term though, if there are problems be careful about letting it go on too long.
/r/Divorce_Men12/11/23 12:00 AM
4

In Rich Cooper's audio book here's one of the things he says, paraphrased. A woman that is competitive with you may seem. ok at first, but it's a red flag. The problem is that she thinks she's better than you and a woman that thinks she's better than you will ultimately undermine you. Sounds like he was exactly right.
/r/Divorce_Men09/11/23 04:08 PM
14

I think a lot of us got married because society says it's the right thing to do, women pressure you and we are totally unaware of how fucked up family law is. I assumed it would have some fairness involved, I was wrong.
/r/Divorce_Men05/11/23 09:08 PM
70

Yesterday I saw a post on facebook from "GOD" and it was supporting a woman that wanted her boyfriend to pay her $50,000 for having a baby since she would have to take time off work. They were not married, but they lived together and split everything 50/50. The comments were overwhelming and in support of the woman and that he should pay her. I was really frustrated and appaled by that. I'm sure during the pregnancy and during her time off he would have paid her share of the bills, helped out wi…
/r/MensRights31/10/23 07:07 PM
1

If this were me I would hire a lawyer to represent me for the restraining order hearing. You do not want to have one of those granted against you.
/r/Divorce_Men31/10/23 03:55 PM
2

I've been thinking about getting an Xbox. I have a PS4. I don't really play it though, I played call of duty for a few minutes. I think the flight sim stuff looks pretty intersting on XBox.
/r/Divorce_Men31/10/23 01:49 PM
9

I never worry about it now either because I only own two plates, four cups and 3 coffee mugs. It’s amazing how I can open cabinets and there is free space. I have one expensive non stuck pan for cooking. There is no cabinet with 800 pots and pans with 4200 lids that fall out when you open it. I also vacuum 1-2 times per week and do laundry.
/r/Divorce_Men29/10/23 09:49 PM
2

You should probably take your half of the 10k or more and put it into a separate account before she does it. You know the phrase love is blind? I think that applies here if this post is even serious. Like would your wife care if you moved some super hot 21 year old blonde girl into your trailer and also told her you two would be taking the ten grand?
/r/Divorce_Men28/10/23 06:48 PM
5

Yes, you definitely dodged a bullet here. You have to understand that if you were married for like 5-7 years and she cheated, family law would not care one bit. They would start pulling your money out of your 401k, taking money from your savings accounts, checking account and from your future pay checks and they would give it to her to spend with her new guy. When you get married, the vows on the guy's side are more like, yes I will finance this woman and her new boyfriend for years after we are…
/r/Divorce_Men24/10/23 06:21 PM
1

Well, you are in the Divorce_Men forum and you are commenting on a post that specifically says "Would like a man's perspective". Then when you get a response you are complaining that men are trying to tell you what to think and feel.
/r/Divorce_Men17/10/23 03:33 PM
1

You actually think a court is going to say a dad can't see his kids because the wife decided that he may plant racist thoughts in their head? It's so dumb. I think you are being racist right now.
/r/Divorce_Men16/10/23 06:55 PM
12

I don’t really care anyway. Good job on the till death do us part though!!!
/r/Divorce_Men14/10/23 10:01 PM
14

“i’m uncomfortable leaving him alone with our children”.
/r/Divorce_Men14/10/23 10:00 PM
12

It doesn’t matter if you are uncomfortable leaving him alone with the kids because you think he’s racist. There are no laws that would keep kids away from their dad for that dumb f***ing reason.
/r/Divorce_Men14/10/23 09:52 PM
3

She will be by herself for like one day.
/r/Divorce_Men09/10/23 01:54 PM
4

I tried living with a girl post divorce. We kept arguing and every time we would argue I would pack up my Jeep and move out. That happened like 15 times. Now I have an apartment in a different town like 20 mins away. She hates it. She calls it my cheater’s lair. Her place is just a home but my place was created by satan himself apparently. I tried cohabitating but shit just would set me off. Like contacts in her phone for guy friends named like A.H or with someone else’s last name. Fuck that shi…
/r/Divorce_Men06/10/23 01:38 AM
3

Yea you need lawyers, prenups, trusts, postnups and on and on to protect yourself from the one person that you are suppposed to trust. They always claim, I don't want anything from you if we break up!! Then when it actually happens the divorce lawsuit comes in. I think for me at least, I learned my lesson and I'm not entering into a contract again that allows family law into my life. It's really a monstrosity that needs to be reformed. Most of us never think it's going to happen to us, then it d…
/r/Divorce_Men05/10/23 06:46 PM
4

If a person in a marriage does not work and you get a divorce, family law is going to assume that person did the cooking, cleaning, food shopping and other domestic duties. It will assume they gave up a career and did these things. Given that assumption if you get a divorce you will then have to pay alimony for years and years. So if someone is not contributing financially and not helping with domestic stuff they are just a lazy system milker that is playing you and the system is setup to reward…
/r/Divorce_Men05/10/23 03:33 PM
9

I was divorced with no kids to an adult with a full time job and was ordered to pay her $1400 per month for 3 years post divorce. I was able to get it reduced when covid hit but you should also worry about marriage in general.
/r/MensRights04/10/23 10:16 PM
2

The way you are thinking has a concept of fairness involved, she didn’t work, you supported her. The problem is family law does not have any concept of fairness. They will see it as she sacrificed her career to stay home and cook and clean and raise kids and she did everything for you for all of those years. You will probably be painted as some sort of abuser on top of that. Family law is like putting Bernie Sanders between you two. They will want to equalize your incomes by taking yours and giv…
/r/Divorce_Men02/10/23 10:35 PM
1

Just get it moving, she probably doesn’t want to pay the actual fee to file. My ex filed and paid the fee then complained to me about it.
/r/Divorce_Men02/10/23 09:59 PM
9

Can you tell them to fuck off? That’s not on the list.
/r/MensRights29/09/23 07:19 PM
2

I started Muay Thai and Jiu-Jutsu. It has a lot of benefits, my body hurts a lot though.
/r/Divorce_Men27/09/23 10:51 PM
4

I got an email once from my girlfriend and she told me it was my fault that birds were chirping loudly outside in the morning.
/r/Divorce_Men27/09/23 01:18 PM
10

Yes, they do. This is a very good description of that subreddit. The last post I remember was a husband working full time, paying for everything, wife not working and wanting to leave because the husband "didn't do anything". Translation is that she didn't count his job and paying for everything becuase she can divorce him and get all that. So she considered him not doing anything. She wanted him to also take care of kids and do house work on top of paying for everything. Reading that sub was ma…
/r/Divorce_Men25/09/23 02:00 PM
1

When I got married I had absolutely no idea about alimony or that someone would be able to take money from my 401k that I alone put money into. I mean seriously it's almost impossible for ME to get money from a damn 401k and it's my money. I just don't know how anyone is supposed to know about this stuff when they are young. When you sign the marriage certificate thing you are agreeing to all of the family law statues, all of the case law that is on the books that can change over time. The only …
/r/Divorce_Men21/09/23 05:24 PM
3

Let me explain what would happen if this situation were reversed. Your wife would find a way to immediately file for spousal suppoprt and they would start garnishing her wages and putting that money into her bank account. Then once the divorce process started she would file alimony pendente lite, which means alimony "pending litigation". So you would be forced to pay her the whole time the negotations are going on. Once the divorce was finally complete, she would ask for alimony for a minimum of…
/r/Divorce_Men19/09/23 02:27 PM
6

Have you seen the movie Daddy's home with Will Farrell? I think you may enjoy it given this situation. I also have to wonder how much of this is being fueled by some kind of bedroom talk narrative by the ex wife. You know they all play the victim so the new guy will come in and be the white knight. If it gets to the point where people are damaging your repuatation there is an option of a cease and desist letter from a laywer which is kind of a warning. I had to send one to my first nightmare gir…
/r/Divorce_Men19/09/23 02:03 PM
2

If he actaully were to go through a divorce and have to pay lawyers, lose his retirement, maybe have to sell a house, maybe pay alimony for the rest of this life, I highly doubt the next thing he will do is get married again.
/r/Divorce_Men18/09/23 01:47 PM
4

Sorry man. That was a really fucked up thing for her to do, not cool at all. Hopefully you can get out of this marriage without having to also pay a lying cheater for years. Good call on not doing an open marriage, that is just straight up disrespect and a scam. You should check out the audiobook Leave a Cheater, Gain a Life. That book helped me see things more clearly even though I listed to it a few years after the fact.
/r/Divorce_Men18/09/23 01:36 PM
18

This made me laugh because now in my adult life it sounds like some mythical being that maybe only children think exist. I was evaluating the last girl I dated against this criteria and it was a hard fail at mental illness.
/r/Divorce_Men14/09/23 06:07 PM
5

There’s a lot of pressure from women and society to get married at any age honestly. My current gf tried that shit and I laughed in her face. The irony is, when women have assets to protect they will have their parents start a trust and put houses in the trust so it won’t get divided in family law. They will insist on prenups or not really want to get married at all. In your situation as bad as this sounds from a legal and financial perspective, the shorter the marriage the better because family…
/r/Divorce_Men13/09/23 12:29 PM
1

Also I would’t buy a new car because courts don’t care if you have debt. They only care that you have income and then they will make you pay it. They won’t be like oh well he has a car payment, he shouldn’t pay as much! If they put you into bankruptcy they won’t care. I think the only reason I wasn’t arrested is because my ex’s attorney told her not to call the police on me because I would lose my job (That would reduce my income and her spousal support would have went down). I didn’t do anythin…
/r/Divorce_Men11/09/23 05:07 PM
1

Stop putting money in a 401k if you have one. Try to get money into cash somehow and keep it. The income difference is a big deal in marriage. Once someone files the goal is to get a settlement agreement written up where they then make you pay her for being your wife for x number of years.
/r/Divorce_Men11/09/23 05:01 PM
2

When the lawyers write up the settlement agreement put in there that she keeps her credit card debt and you keep yours. If she is making the same amount as you this seems fine. This type of thing was in my agreement.
/r/Divorce_Men11/09/23 04:55 PM
2

I upvoted you. We both know that’s what this girl’s plan is.
/r/Divorce_Men08/09/23 10:57 PM
6

Get out of it now because you the longer you stay married the more you are going to lose. Family law will make you finance her having sex with coworkers for years and there are no consequences for adultery. There’s a reason she doesn’t want you around when she’s doing that stuff.
/r/Divorce_Men07/09/23 10:37 PM
4

I'm in PA and my retainer was like $4,000 and I think $350 per hour. The main goal in a divorce is to have a settlement agreement written up that both parties agree to. You guys both sign it, it goes to a judge, they issue a divorce decree. The settlement agreement will include things like alimony if you have to pay it, them stealing your retirement if you have it. It works out better if you aren't married for a long time and if there isn't a huge income difference.
/r/Divorce_Men07/09/23 07:50 PM
10

Divorce is much worse when there is a large difference in income because of alimony and losing retirement savings. You also may have to sell your house if you own one. If there isn't a large difference in income then it probably isn't great, but it shouldn't suck as bad. I think if this were me, I would be worried for another reason. You guys aren't really having sex, she is going to lose a bunch of weight and look better. What do you think is going to happen next? Do you think she is losing thi…
/r/Divorce_Men07/09/23 03:07 PM
8

I had to pay my ex wife for 3 years. She started screwing my old best friend two weeks after filing. I would have had to pay $1400 per month for 3 years but had it reduced for covid. I hated paying it because she had a job making 60k plus. She basically lived with him but kept an apartment as well so I couldn’t prove it. I also had to sell a house I just bought and lost $50,000 fr my 401k. I was fine with her leaving because she was ruining me financially. I HATED paying her to date my friend fo…
/r/Divorce_Men07/09/23 12:18 AM
1

I think you have to be careful because courts may not count any child support you pay her as actual child support. I think child support is a court ordered thing and if you pay her when it is not court ordered if she ever actually sues for support they may not count anything you gave her in the past. Then they will say you are in "arrears" for all of the months that you "missed". There are tables in each state when you can see how much of your income would go to this. If she went after you for s…
/r/Divorce_Men06/09/23 06:32 PM
7

If she files they will serve you. If you get a lawyer, the lawyer can accept service on your behalf. The goal of divorce is to get a settlement agreement written up, signed by both parties and I think it may be signed by a judge. Then you get a divorce decree. I don’t think I knew that was the goal until many months into it.
/r/Divorce_Men01/09/23 10:14 PM
1

Nice. I’m going to start caring about coding more. I’ve written some Python stuff at work so I want to get better at that and lean some GO.
/r/MensRights01/09/23 10:06 PM
2

I have to say this all horrible but I really do enjoy reading about all the crazy shit this one has done.
/r/Divorce_Men01/09/23 09:33 PM
20

They just took it right out of my pay so I never had to write a check. Thank god it’s over. I will never vote for a person that supports alimony again no matter what. Most young guys getting married think alimony is something to do with kids or not a thing anymore and they will never pay it. It really is a rude awakening to have to pay a grown working adult with a new boyfriend for years post divorce. What a scam.
/r/Divorce_Men01/09/23 03:58 PM
2

Try not to ruin yourself financially for a women. If she does file for divorce all of this stuff you are doing will just be for nothing. Family law won’t look back and say oh well he painted the walls, moved for her, spent all his time and money. Family law will care about the difference is income so tell her to get a job and try to make sure she is making money close to you. If not family law will take the difference from you and give it to her, unless you are in Texas. When I was younger I had…
/r/Divorce_Men01/09/23 03:51 PM
2

Just tell her NO.
/r/Divorce_Men01/09/23 03:41 PM
1

Yea the way I look at this is if they have a lawyer you probably shouldn't even be communicating with them because you are at such a huge disadvantage. I think you will still need a settlement agreement to say things like no alimony and that she can't come back in 3 years and say she wants alimony. There's all kinds of details like that where you need a lawyer to make sure you are protected.
/r/Divorce_Men31/08/23 03:27 PM
3

In my state the division of stuff is done by equitable distribution and not community property. I think community property states go by the 1/2 rules. In states where there is equitable distribution, it kind of means whatever the lawyers think a judge would determine as equitable. My ex did work and she made like $60,000 per year. Her job didn't have a retirement plan, so there was no chance of me getting that. If she did have one, I imagine that I would be entitled to 1/2 of the value that it i…
/r/Divorce_Men31/08/23 03:20 PM
6

If I could go back I would changed 401k contributions to $0 immediately because my ex got $50,000 of that and I had no idea she could legally take any of it since she never contributed a dime to it. We didn't have kids either. I wouldn't spend the extra money on drugs and hookers but if you can get it out in a way where it's not raising huge red flags then put it in a safe at your parent's house or something like that. Then you will have extra cash that is yours if you need it. My divorce pushed…
/r/Divorce_Men31/08/23 10:12 AM
1

I don’t know where you are but in the US in many states the income difference between you two is what will determine spousal support and alimony. Well also she would have to file for it and go after you for it. The length of alimony is determined by the length of marriage. Maybe you are somewhere where they have better laws. In the US places like California are probably the worst, Texas is probably best. I had to pay for 3 years. No kids.
/r/Divorce_Men29/08/23 03:49 PM
3

It won’t automatically change but if she finds out that it changed she can request a change in support and you will have to pay it. The time when it can’t change is after your settlement agreement and divorce are final and there is language in the agreement saying it can’t change. If she loses her job, she can claim a change to $0 income and request an increase.
/r/Divorce_Men28/08/23 05:36 PM
7

Here's one way. Go over to the other divorce forum and read all of the reasons the women decide they want to untie the marriage knot and file for divorce. Some of the greatest hits include: I'm not happy, I love him but am not in love with him, he doesn't do all of the house work, he doesn't give me all of this money, he left a glass by the sink, I'm not sexually attracted to him anymore, I'm sleeping with my boss, I'm having an affair with my coworker, the butterflies are gone, I think I'm stil…
/r/Divorce_Men28/08/23 01:18 PM
1

If you compliment a guy it will probably be seen as flirting a bit so in order to avoid this say, “You look good today BUT I’M NOT FLIRTING WITH YOU, I just want to compliment men more”. That should do it.
/r/MensRights26/08/23 11:47 PM
1

What an entitled psycho.
/r/Divorce_Men25/08/23 07:46 PM
1

This may depend on the state, but in my state I believe the answer is NO. There is not common law marriage in my state, BUT if you present yourself as married to the community by doing things like saying vows and having a ceremony then family law CAN treat you as married. You may want to ask a lawyer about this before doing it. I personally would not do it. Anyone considering marriage in any form needs to consult with a lawyer first. The reason is that you are agreeing to all that is involved in…
/r/MensRights24/08/23 05:12 PM
17

This is what they do. They go through this mid-life crisis type thing where they decide all of a sudden that they are the most important thing in the universe and nobody else matters. When mine did this after the typical 7 year marriage she kept posting YOLO!!!! She was like "It's all about me now!!!". In my head I was like, yea well it's always been about you. I think the translation would be more like, it's all about her fucking other people now. Watch some stuff that Matt Cross does on YouTub…
/r/Divorce_Men24/08/23 04:36 PM
3

The downside is probably that you are still married. In my state the is no such thing as legal separation. You are married until you are divorced and it's a stupid thing to do unless you marry someone with a higher income and have no assets to lose. Do not mess with family law, it overrides ownership in everything that you think is yours. The lawyers are expensive and the lower earner is highly incentivized to leave. It's a terrible rigged system.
/r/Divorce_Men24/08/23 02:27 PM
3

Yep, this is exactly right. It's how they are. This is also one of the reasons they claim the husband is abusive. Once they are kind of checked out of the relationship and they don't want it to go on any longer they start interpreting every interaction as bad and abusive. Don't worry though, to be abusive you don't have to ever touch her. Did you not give her all of your money? You're a financal abuser!! Did you not let her have sex with all your friends? You are a controlling narcissist abuser.…
/r/Divorce_Men24/08/23 01:54 PM
1

I think the dating pool may cost as much as a real pool. I’m out for 9 months to a year.
/r/Divorce_Men23/08/23 11:51 PM
1

If you are at $20k and about to settle then I would just get it done. I had an easy divorce compared to others, knew a girl at the law firm and I was still at $14k in legal fees. A few easy emails? $350. I’m just glad it’s over.
/r/Divorce_Men23/08/23 11:50 PM
1

I’m dating someone now and it’s nothing short of a nightmare. She harasses my family, called my gym, emails me 60 times per day, hides alcohol and blames me for everything. I had to call the police on her twice so far. Thank god I moved out and don’t live with her anymore. I honestly think I’m done dating until I pay off my last student loan in the next 10 months. It’s just too stressful and expensive and is generally making my life worse.
/r/MensRights23/08/23 11:05 PM
2

I think work on your career, do something where you can move up but try to live within your means like you are doing. Getting high interest loans on cars and houses is stupid and a waste of money. If you never did any martial arts consider BJJ and Muay Thai. It takes a lot to get good at them and it’s a good workout. I was married as well and lost about $90,000. My first relationship post divorce is a nightmare. I’m kind of in the same boat where I don’t really care enough to put in the effort t…
/r/MensRights23/08/23 10:47 PM
1

This was her emancipation proclamation! Seriously just ignore her if you have the option. I’m dealing with a crazy person relationship post divorce and I’m going to start playing a game to see how many days I can ignore her for. Hopefully it will be all of them.
/r/Divorce_Men23/08/23 10:20 PM
2

Yea I had one friend that I knew since 8th grade. We were friends for years and years. He got into alcohol too much and tried to stop. Then we were at a hotel after just getting out of a concert with like 5-6 other people in the room and he started having a seizure. i rode with him in the ambulance to the hospital, talked to the police (they thought it was because of drugs). I stayed all night until they released him the next day wihtout any shoes in the middle of Philly. I called him after I wa…
/r/Divorce_Men23/08/23 03:22 PM
4

It's funny how for guys this is like the nuclear option, even after being attacked. Most of the time for women this is just what they do even if you just point a finger at them or raise your voice.
/r/Divorce_Men22/08/23 09:15 PM
3

Yep, this is only a matter of time. There is a playbook and since she is already hitting you she will probably DARVO you soon: Deny, Attack, Reverse Victim and Offender.
/r/Divorce_Men22/08/23 09:11 PM
3

I just posted in another thread, that's how I feel as well. The way I feel about my ex is the same way I would feel about someone that broke into my house and stole $90,000 from a safe.
/r/Divorce_Men22/08/23 02:42 PM
3

I kind of look at her similar to how I would view someone that broke into my house and stole $90,000 in cash and various other things. Will I ever like a person again that did that? Probably not.
/r/Divorce_Men22/08/23 02:01 PM
11

I have an apartment in a nice town where I can walk to stuff and it’s $1305 per month. I had to wait a while to find it but it’s worth it to me. I lost a lot in a divorce, marriage is probably your #1 risk of losing your wealth. Do not get involved with family law. I had to live with parents post divorce for 9 months and it was ok for a while but even parents should have their house and some privacy. I think keeping the money invested and not buying houses is smart. There’s so much shit that can…
/r/MensRights21/08/23 09:14 PM
1

The best thing you can do is file as soon as possible. The longer you stay married the more likely will get hit with support and alimony.
/r/Divorce_Men19/08/23 07:31 PM
33

She threatened you if you don't cooperate? This sounds like something a bank robber would say. Stop being a little bitch and letting this girl push you around.
/r/Divorce_Men18/08/23 03:10 PM
8

Yes. My ex wife absolutely did this. A few months before filing she started going to the gym a lot more. She always paid attention to her appearance, but she started caring a lot more. She also so infatuated with one of my friends that was 26. She was 38. She would bring him up in like every conversation. Then she started trying to go out to places where he would be on nights where she knew I wouldn't go out late or drink because I had to work the next day. At that point I put a stop to it. I as…
/r/Divorce_Men17/08/23 03:19 PM
0

I think my values have shifted more to the republican side like someone else here said. I would vote for Desantis because he ended permanent alimony in Florida. I am not a Tump fan because I can't stand the constant lying, forced teaming, corruption and gaslighting, but a few of the policies he implented are actaully better for people like me. I used to be left but then they started with all of this wokenss, not believing in biology, giving stimulus money to everyone except me and I feel like ev…
/r/Divorce_Men11/08/23 11:02 AM
2

That is great. Congrats. I’m voting republican from now on because of alimony alone. I’m in PA and it’s bullshit here.
/r/Divorce_Men10/08/23 09:55 PM
3

Yes, but she is financially abusing you.
/r/Divorce_Men10/08/23 05:40 PM
4

Well you can wait until you find out she is sleeping with a bunch of people and then family law starts garnishing your paychecks to pay for it. That usually will move you out of the being sad phase.
/r/Divorce_Men07/08/23 07:10 PM
1

I was married for 7 years. I had to pay alimony for 3 years because in my state alimony is based on how long you are married. My ex had a job and made like $60k per year. In some states after 10 years you can be considered a long term marriage by family law and have to pay it for life. In Florida the republican govener DeSantis just ended lifetime alimony.
/r/Divorce_Men07/08/23 07:06 PM
2

Maybe they are counting the two digits after the decimal point. xxxx.xx
/r/Divorce_Men07/08/23 06:58 PM
13

As soon as they get bored family law is there to make you finance their future relationships so I guess you either have to make much less than them (then they will never marry you) or make sure they never get bored? Sounds like a lose lose situation. Alimony and no fault divorce needs to end, until then it’s not worth it.
/r/Divorce_Men04/08/23 07:52 PM
0

You don't have to ask anyone or tell anyone that you are going to be in the marital home. You have every right to be there no matter who owns it or who rents it. When my ex moved out during the divorce and I was staying in the house she could still come over and walk in any time she wanted and there was nothing I could do about it. She wasn't even living there. That's how family law treats the marital home. People talk about not leaving the home because it can effect child custody issues, so loo…
/r/Divorce_Men03/08/23 03:41 PM
1

Wow that is great. Congratulations.
/r/Divorce_Men03/08/23 02:58 PM
1

After a while you will become immune to caring about what idiot she is dating or marrying. I didn’t find out about mine until about a year after she filed but it started two weeks after. I would have been pretty angry if I had found out earlier but by then I was just like fuck it, I don’t care anymore, she was making me broke, that’s what she’s going to do to him, I’m going to get out of debt and rebuild. Told new guy she is his problem and meant it. He is so p-whipped he is in a daze. That will…
/r/Divorce_Men02/08/23 10:02 PM
2

I like this. I went through family court and had to pay my ex for 3 years while she was off sleeping with my previous best friend. She started doing that 2 weeks after filing. She made 60k per year but I still had to pay her for 3 years. I tried to co-habitate with the new g/f like 2-3 times but I kept packing my stuff in my jeep and moving out everytime I caught her doing some dumb shit or we would argue. I had to stay with my parents in-between places and she would taunt me, like oooh are you …
/r/Divorce_Men02/08/23 01:43 PM
2

He's a total simp tool by getting involved with a married woman with two kids. What he is going to be some step dad like Will Farrel in Daddy's Home? What is wrong with people. He probably thinks he's some hero because she probably telling him how abusive you are. If you don't comply with every one of their demands, give them money or leave a glass by the sink you are a controlling emotional financial abuser.
/r/Divorce_Men02/08/23 01:09 PM
4

Yea this is messed up and the longer you stay married to someone like this the more you will be penalized in the future. Alimony doesn’t start until the divorce is finalized. The amounts usually are based on the difference in income and the length depends on how long you were married. If she doesn’t work but can that is a factor. Usually cases don’t go to trial so it’s something that’s agreed upon by both lawyers. If you don’t make that much or are in some states you may not have to pay it. Ther…
/r/Divorce_Men27/07/23 05:52 PM
10

She couldn’t kick you out even if you weren’t on the deed because it’s the marital home. Keep in mind though all she has to do is walk into the courthouse, say she is scared and they will order an immediate temporary order of protection and you will be arrested if they find you in the house. In two weeks they have a hearing to see if the order should be dropped or kept. If it’s dropped fine, but no consequences for her, only you. This is why you have to be careful because if she wants you out th…
/r/Divorce_Men27/07/23 04:17 PM
1

Most divorces don't go to trial so it's a matter of your lawyer and her lawyer coming up wtih a settlement agreement. If you do this, besides all of the stuff about fraud and judges, she likely will just say this is his debt and will not agree to any settlement where you attempt to assign any of that debt to her.
/r/Divorce_Men26/07/23 01:49 PM
2

Well you definitely need a lawyer, but what happened here is that your wife and her dad kind of seem like grifters that have performed a long con scam on you via family law. That's how I look at it. A girl I'm dating did this to her ex husband where when the house was puchased it was the dad that bought and he put it in a trust to protect it from divorce. The ex husband had no claim on it whatsoever, he and the wife were just legally renters. So what you did is put tons of money into another per…
/r/Divorce_Men25/07/23 07:35 PM
2

Marriage and then divorce is like winning the lottery for these type of people. Family law will override ownership in everything. Think it’s your bank account because only your name is on it? Wrong. Think it’s your business because you invested the money and did all the work and legally own it? Nope. Family law to the rescue!!! Just imagine instead of actual ownership an imaginary Bernie Sanders is now between you two. It’s all bullshit I would have never agreed to any of this but you are expect…
/r/Divorce_Men25/07/23 06:16 PM
15

No Fault divorce pretty much translates to married women can have sex with anyone they want and it’s nobody’s fault.
/r/Divorce_Men24/07/23 06:02 PM
3

With divorce some states are no-fault and some have fault. You can translate this into something like, the wife can go and date and sleep with whoever she wants while she is married and it's nobody's fault!!! It's that great? I've never been in the military but from what I'm reading, the laws are different for you since the UCMJ laws apply to you and adultery is against it. As hard as it is now, the best thing for you is to try to detach emotionally from her and what she's doing. This kind of st…
/r/Divorce_Men24/07/23 01:56 PM
16

Mine had a side job that paid her via 1099. My refund would go from like $3,000 to $0 after adding her info into the tax program. She never said thanks or anything. That was just one thing out of like 50 I took care of. When credit card debt got high and I said this year we have to pay this off she filed for divorce instead. Got hit with 3 years of alimony that is now over. Now I am looking forward to tax day because of how bad it’s going to suck for her and her new jobless husband.
/r/Divorce_Men20/07/23 08:30 PM
2

I had to sell my house and move in with my parents during the divorce. Just make sure you get a lot of sleep, exercise, don't drink. I didn't give up any friends or hobbies during my marriage, but my wife was really good looking and I think most of the friends were actually hers, regardless of if they acted like my friends. That's fine though, friends can be overrated, especially the drinking buddy types. What really helped me was joining a martial arts place where you have group classes. There …
/r/Divorce_Men19/07/23 07:49 PM
2

The problem with family law and letting a marriage go on like this is that if you make more money than her you are going to have to pay alimony. The amount of time you have to pay it is based on how long you are married. Some guys that stay married for 10+ years end up having to pay their ex wife for the rest of their life while the ex wife goes out and dates whoever she wants. It's really messed up. Over in the personal finance sub there was a lady asking a question that was collecting over $13…
/r/Divorce_Men19/07/23 07:29 PM
6

Do you think if the situation were reversed and your wife made a lot more than you she would want alimony?
/r/Divorce_Men19/07/23 03:45 PM
6

I hope you filed for spousal support or alimony pendente lite. It's designed for situations where one person gives up a career to take care of kids. I read that when this kind of role reversal relationship happens women can't take it. They start to behave like horrible peopple, disrespect the guy and then eventually end up cheating.
/r/Divorce_Men18/07/23 06:02 PM
5

What kind of loser simp goes on a date with a women with 3 kids that is still in the same house as her husband. I know it’s her fault but guys like this don’t have any sense. During this phase my ex wife had a boyfriend while we were still married. She joked about it to people like she was so funny. It wasn’t.
/r/Divorce_Men18/07/23 04:08 AM
1

It's really financially dangrous to be married to a person that will not work. The reason being spousal support and alimony are usually solely determined by the difference in income. There are like 17 factors the courts are supposed to consider, but a lot of times they file for spousal support which is based on income difference, then that same amount turns to alimony once the divorce is finalized. The length of alimony is usually like a year for ever two years married. So if you have to pay it,…
/r/Divorce_Men16/07/23 08:22 PM
2

It’s hard to deal with because family law is an atrocity that should not exist. It’s legalized theft because it overrides all concepts of ownership and provides incentives to break up families so the guys can be treated as ATM’s. Then the women go on dating apps and get 1,000 matches in an hour from these idiot simps that think every single mom was abused and is such a good catch.
/r/Divorce_Men15/07/23 07:42 PM
1

That is awesome.
/r/Divorce_Men15/07/23 10:54 AM
4

Agree. I've never heard of famiy court going back and looking at who put in what money. If they did anything like that there could be some concept of fairness introduced and we should know based on principle that is not possible in familiy law. She's totally gaming the system here and if this was reversed and you did this you would be called a financial abuser. I make a lot more than your wife and I am not an ivy league lawyer.
/r/Divorce_Men14/07/23 02:59 PM
2

I'm not a financial planner, accountant or tax person and this question has a lot of tax stuff in it so it really may be better for a professional to answer it. That being said, the way I would think about this is that by taking an unfair equity split, what you are doing is essentially prepaying your alimony. When you are paying someone alimony over time I believe it can be calculated as annuity because it is a stream of payments over time. If you are going to prepay your alimony what you want t…
/r/Divorce_Men14/07/23 01:00 PM
1

I wish I was surprised by this. I did hear if they get in shape or lose weight then they are likely to disappear. The same goes if you support them but then they start making a lot of money. Men will make more and think, this is great now I can support my family better. Women will make more and think, well now I don’t need my family anymore.
/r/Divorce_Men14/07/23 11:21 AM
18

“Controlling” - “He doesn’t want me to go out with my single girlfriends and have sex with random guys or with guys from work”
/r/Divorce_Men13/07/23 09:38 PM
2

I'm not a lawyer and I didn't have kids. However, I think if you agree to pay her child support on your own and not through the courts, if she ever files for support through the courts they will backdate the support, say you are in "arrears" and make you pay it all over again for every month that you didn't officially pay it through the courts. The other thing is you will need a settlement agreement written up and there are usually protections in that agreement, things like they can't change the…
/r/Divorce_Men13/07/23 06:50 PM
1

Isn't in funny how all of a sudden women are totally in favor of prenuptial agreements when they have assets to protect? Anyway dude, you need a settlement agreement written up by one of the lawyers that you guys will both sign, then a judge signs it and you are divorced. I didn't even know this was the goal until months into my divorce. Once you pay your lawyer tell him to write it up. I mean what else are these laywers doing? Once that thing is signed and this person is out of your life. You a…
/r/Divorce_Men13/07/23 06:35 PM
7

Yes I think it's a bad idea at least until you get the settlement agreeement and official divorce decree. You are extremely lucky that the marriage has only been 8 months since you make 3x her salary. Even now as soon as you file for divorce she could technically file for spousal support and you will have to start paying her possibly thousands of dollars per month. This is why you want to not blow things up and get everything done with first. If you let the marriage go on for years, the spousal …
/r/Divorce_Men13/07/23 03:23 PM
3

Let her keep the kids toys but split the $200k equity in the house and see what portion of the $300k retirement you are entitled to. She will also get a portion of yours. Hope you have a lawyer representing you. The lawyers know what a judge would order. I never did mediation so not sure how it works. I always seem to see guys in mediation when the wife has more to lose though.
/r/Divorce_Men12/07/23 05:29 PM
5

Everything in this post is correct and valuable information. If you have to pay alimony, the amount of time you will have to pay alimony is based on how long you have been married. It's usually somewhere around 1 year of alimony for every two years married. I was married for 7 years and had to pay it for 3. There is a lot of pushback in the blue-pill world and society in genral when people say hey don't date single mom's. The narrative is all single moms are thay way because they are abused. We …
/r/Divorce_Men12/07/23 12:29 PM
2

Yep agree completely, my APL amount was moved directly to Alimony. It also allows someone to start garnishing your wages pretty much immediately after filing. I had no idea that was even a thing when I got married. I did know what I meant, since I had to pay it. My point was only that the idea of APL comes from the devil. Did you ever notice the word devil is EVIL with a D on the beginning?
/r/Divorce_Men12/07/23 12:06 AM
13

I'm starting to call it hoe phase #2. They go through hoe phase #1 in their 20's then settle down in late 20's early 30's. At that point they want to get married and most want kids. The epiphany phase. That's where most of the red pill videos end. I don't know if this next mid-life crisis phase has a name but that's what I've named it, hoe phase #2. Mine pulled this after 7 years around the age of 40. We had a $389,000 house that was five minutes from both our jobs. It was 3 bedrooms, 2 car gara…
/r/Divorce_Men11/07/23 06:06 PM
3

Did you know they got Alimony Pendente Lite from the exorcist? I found that out and sent it to my laywer. It's latin and is pronounced "lee-tay" not "light". Alimony Pendente Lite!!!
/r/Divorce_Men11/07/23 05:21 PM
46

Is she age 38-42? There seems to be a pattern on this type of behavior from them at this age. The narrative in society has always been that a guy will have a mid-life crisis and by a convertable or a motorcycle. The actual midlife crisis seems to be with women age 38-42 breaking up their marriages to run off with someone else. Many times it seems to be younger guys, maybe guys that don't work, sometimes anyone that gives them attention. Unfortunately family law rewards this behavior in most case…
/r/Divorce_Men11/07/23 02:55 PM
1

Good luck.
/r/Divorce_Men11/07/23 01:53 PM
7

It's because you're expected to support women no matter what and if you don't want them to have sex with other people then you are a controllng, abusive, misogynst, narcissist. You also have to do all the house work and cooking while they are out on their dates. Oh and don't leave a glass by the sink or that's it mister!!! I was reading a thread over on r/Divorce where a lady filed for divorce and so the guy cut her off from his credit cards. One of the first replies on that thread was, this is …
/r/Divorce_Men10/07/23 02:38 PM
5

Like others have said, yoiu absolutely do not have to leave that house no matter who owns it because it is the marital home. You can't kick each other out. The second thing is that any time a person is leaving this much I think it's worth it to consider if she is seeing someone else. She may be going back and forth because she is seeing how it will work out with some new guy. If she says something like "I need some space" or "I need some time to work on myself" just add "and to have sex with som…
/r/Divorce_Men10/07/23 12:31 PM
1

Plus family law overrides ownership in anything. I was married 7 years and we always kept our finances separate. So how the fuck did she get $50,000 out of my 401k? Her name wasn’t on it. She earned $0 of that. She contributed $0 to it. I also had to finance her for 3 years post divorce while she was smearing me and dating my old friend. They can date but wtf should I pay her to do it? She had a job. We didn’t have kids.
/r/Divorce_Men09/07/23 09:53 PM
1

No but that isn’t what he said either. My parents are still married and I think if you are raising kids marriage is good. The problem is family law and how financially devastating it can be to the higher earner. If both make the same and have equal retirement, it’s not so bad. But if you get divorced while making significantly more you are heavily penalized. The other issue is no fault. Guess what happens if you are married to a serial cheater for 10 plus years and they barely work? You can end …
/r/Divorce_Men09/07/23 09:48 PM
5

No it’s actually 100% totally correct. You can’t tell some people and they have to experience it themselves before they understand. It’s unfortunate, but how it is.
/r/Divorce_Men08/07/23 11:44 PM
5

Mine left our framed wedding pictures in a trash bag in the middle of the master bedroom. We weren’t even in a fight. They can be pretty cold.
/r/Divorce_Men07/07/23 12:44 AM
3

I think the main thing is to get a settlement agreement done with the other lawyer. Yea you are probably supposed to disclose stuff. My ex had a savings account in another state with her name and her mom on it and it had tens of thousands of dollars in it. I found it and told the lawyers they didn't disclose it. Their response was yea we didn't and also we aren't giving you any money in that account. Have to love family law.
/r/Divorce_Men06/07/23 04:18 PM
1

I'm in the same state. Is it possible the $2200 has been used up and they aren't responding because they are asking for more money to continue? My initial retainer was $4,000. If you are separated in March 2021 you need a lawyer to write you up a settlement agreement, get it over to the new lawyer to get it signed so this can be over with. In my first several months I didn't know the goal was a settlement agreement and then they finally created one and got it signed.
/r/Divorce_Men06/07/23 01:26 PM
1

Yea when I confronted my ex she was like "WE HAVEN'T BEEN INTIMATE IN YEARS". I was like, we had sex literally two days ago. They like to blameshift and reverse the victim and offender roles. Hang in there though, see if you can find some stuff to do out in the world that you would want to do.
/r/Divorce_Men06/07/23 01:01 PM
1

You may be able to get a lawyer and start working out the settlement agreement during the few months you have to wait. Then when the year is up you have everything worked out. That’s better than waiting a year then starting. I would see if you can do that. Other than that make sure you are careful not to have any physical contact during arguments because if neighbors hear yelling and she grabs your arm or bear hugs you and you try to get her off that may be a domestic violence charge. It’s time …
/r/Divorce_Men06/07/23 03:04 AM
3

The guy she was going after was 26, she was in her 40's. He had a girlfriend and wasn't interested in her. Then the pandemic hit and everything was on lockdown. My old best friend then moved in on her and she started dating him. So she didn't really leave me for him, she pretty much left because she wanted to go out and have her mid life crisis 38-42 hoe phase number two. But to answer your question yes. I definitely gained weight and I did things she wanted all the time. I bought a $389,000 hou…
/r/Divorce_Men05/07/23 05:37 PM
6

There is the hypergamy narrative that they trade up, but as others have said in this post, many times they cheat down. It also happens a lot in the infidelity forums. They find someone that is different because they get bored after 7 years and want to go out and go sex crazy. Many times it's a person that is already close to them somehow. Mine left for a guy that is faking a permanent disability, went bald, has a beer belly, plays video games most of the day, drinks heavily, will never have an a…
/r/Divorce_Men05/07/23 01:43 PM
3

I know we all had that part in our wedding vows "Till death do us part, or until she finds a better guy to trade to, or she decides she isn't attracted to you, or if she meets somone at work, or if you gain weight, or she wants to have sex with a 23 year old in a band. In those events you shall continue to finance her lifestyle for one year of every two years married or until you die if over 10 years". They were in my vows so I'm good!!! Really though, I think there is a lot of truth to this pos…
/r/Divorce_Men05/07/23 01:34 PM
4

Yes. I had to pay $1400 a month during the divorce. Then post divorce I had to pay for 3 years. She made about $60,000 per year. No kids. I was able to get it reduced bc of covid to $750 per month. Lost $50,000 from my 401k. Plus she stopped paying the mortgage which she was on. Had to move in with parents.
/r/Divorce_Men04/07/23 10:36 PM
3

As soon as she files for divorce she will be eligible for spousal support and you will have to pay alimony since there is an income difference. She will also get part of your 401k if you have one. Separate accounts are fine but in family law that doesn’t matter. She will get money from your accounts. If she had assets to protect you can bet your ass she would make you sign one. They know what they are doing.
/r/Divorce_Men04/07/23 10:21 PM
8

Marriage is mostly just a scam to steal your income and assets. It’s so you can support a women so the state doesn’t have to. This is why women want to get married.
/r/Divorce_Men03/07/23 09:24 PM
2

Tell your lawyer to get a settlement agreement written up so you can get it over with.
/r/Divorce_Men01/07/23 10:11 PM
2

I will vote for him for this alone.
/r/Divorce_Men01/07/23 09:33 PM
1

When they say they need some space you have to add “to screw someone else” to the end. Then it will make more sense. This is what happens with no fault divorce.
/r/Divorce_Men01/07/23 08:55 PM
4

It’s funny how the narrative out in the world is that leaving a women for a younger one is a scumbag move and all single mom’s exist because they were abused. In reality that’s exactly what the women are doing and it’s totally acceptable to ruin a family and go have sex with a 23 year old. This guy is a punk and can’t get any girls his age. Straight up loser. It’s her fault but he should know better. This is why family law needs to change and nobody should be getting married anymore.
/r/Divorce_Men01/07/23 08:10 PM
2

Is she drinking at all? Sometimes alcohol makes people crazy and mean. If not alcohol is she on any ADHD stimulants? They are my first two possible theories. I see someone mentioned that article about the lady divorcing the guy for leaving dishes near the sink. I live alone and I leave a glass out every night by my sink because I use it every day and many times it's faster to wash a few dishes by hand rather than load a dishwasher, run it and unload it. I also like that article because it's such…
/r/Divorce_Men29/06/23 07:03 PM
1

They do something called a QRDO which transfers the contents of a 401k to some other type of retirement account and this type of transfer doesn't have any penalty or taxes. If they try to get it out of the retirement account it's transferred to then they would have the penalty and taxes.
/r/Divorce_Men27/06/23 07:02 PM
3

I love how they pressure and push to get married then once they get what they want and they get bored they will drop you. You are actually lucky this is happening when you are young and hopefully haven’t been married too long. Do not ever stay married for over 10 years with a person you make a lot more than because you will end up supporting them for life. Just get a lawyer and get this girl out of your life. She’s already seeing someone else. When they say “I need space” you need to add “to hav…
/r/Divorce_Men26/06/23 12:00 PM
2

Do you have any formal training in any martial art or self defense? Just curious, because it can be difficult to judge other people’s ability on how they look. I know Jiu-Jitsu black belts that are 3 inches shorter than me and way lighter than me.
/r/Divorce_Men25/06/23 05:34 PM
9

I read that from an evolutionary perspective women are programmed to be able to move on quickly because if the primary mate died, became sick or was injured they would need to get another one quickly for survival. Maybe that explains why they can be so heartless. I don’t trust any of them. One day they are fine and there is all these years of pillow talk, then one day they just turn on you and go have an affair with your best friend or one of their coworkers. I like the saying men marry for love…
/r/Divorce_Men23/06/23 10:21 AM
8

I agree with this. If you look over in r/Divorce it’s all of these guys with kids getting cheated on, walked out on after 7 years and the reasons are no good reasons at all. It’s a pattern. It’s why every guy relates to the Killer’s song Mr Brightside, because we’ve all been cheated on by a girl that was 18-25. Now when they get to be 38-42 they go all YOLO and will destroy a family if it means they can go on dating apps and have sex with guys that will never commit. That sounds bad enough but f…
/r/MensRights19/06/23 10:52 PM
4

I think alimony is usually like a year or so for every year that you are married. I was married for 7 years and I had to pay for 3 years. I made 2x her salary. We didn't have kids or anything. We did have a house and had to sell it. The main goal once someoene files is to get to a property settlement agreement. That will list our who pays what debts, who gets what assests and alimony terms if any. I lost $50,000 from my 401k. I had no idea that was even at risk while I was married or I would hav…
/r/Divorce_Men19/06/23 05:17 PM
11

No dude. You can't think of family law as something that is fair. Like oh I pay all her bills so I should get credit for that right? Wrong. If you pay all of her bills family law will try to make you keep paying them. Create a new checking account with only your name, get your checks deposited to that account. Stop putting money in your 401k if you have one. Yes, It does matter that you make twice as much as her. That means if she goes after you then you may be on the hook to pay her support dur…
/r/Divorce_Men19/06/23 04:49 PM
8

It was just some post on r/Divorce saying that single mom's are single because they have been abused. I'm not even sure of the exact title of the post. I didn't comment on it because if you disagree they will probably ban you. I was just trying to make the point, they also do the kind of thing in this post. They walk away from their husbands and levae them financially and emotionally devistated, but then claim they were all abused.
/r/Divorce_Men16/06/23 05:23 PM
9

The other sub said that all single mom's were abused and that's why they are single mom's. It also said they don't need a man, but we should date them. This is making it sound like that narrative may not be true.
/r/Divorce_Men16/06/23 04:41 PM
10

Good job. I read your other post where there is no sex, she doesn't help with housework, doesn't work a lot, undermines your hobbies. Like others said be careful living with someone in this situation. If she tried to start fights, lock yourself in a room if you have to so there is no physicial contact. Have a bag ready in case you need to leave for a day or two so you have a change of clothes and a tooth brush and things like that. The things maniupulators use is blame, shame and guilt tripping.…
/r/Divorce_Men16/06/23 03:52 PM
2

This makes marriage sound like a high end escort service.
/r/MensRights16/06/23 02:18 PM
2

Audiobooks: The Unplugged Alpha, Leave A Cheater Gain A Life, Free Agent Lifestyle, DeEvolution, Looking Out for #1, No More Mr Nice Guy Youtube Wheat Waffles, Rich Cooper
/r/Divorce_Men16/06/23 03:05 AM
2

My ex thought it was funny to tell people “I have a husband and a boyfriend right now”. So funny.
/r/Divorce_Men15/06/23 07:59 PM
5

Yea and make sure you understand how support and alimony work if you ever consider being married to a person that doesn’t work. The divorce laws are designed to take the money from you and give it to then as if you were still there. They can cheat and have a new boyfriend during and after the marriage without consequence. You aren’t going to know this is going to happen as many of them are normal until 38-42 then get into this “i need to make myself happy” phase and usually that translates to I’…
/r/Divorce_Men15/06/23 07:58 PM
1

Yea and make sure you understand how support and alimony work if you ever consider being married to a person that doesn’t work. The divorce laws are designed to take the money from you and give it to then as if you were still there. They can cheat and have a new boyfriend during and after the marriage without consequence. You aren’t going to know this is going to happen as many of them are normal until 38-42 then get into this “i need to make myself happy” phase and usually that translates to I’…
/r/Divorce_Men15/06/23 07:57 PM
4

You are kind of like Neo before he meets Trinity. You know the martix exists but you don't know exactly what it is and how you are in it. It's kind of like in the movie when they were inside the matrix walking down the street in NY. if they just walked up to a business person walking down the street and said "hey you are in the matrix" they wouldn't understand. The only way they can really understand if someone pulls them out and they experience it. What's happening to you now is that this girl …
/r/Divorce_Men15/06/23 02:53 PM
2

Well said.
/r/Divorce_Men15/06/23 02:32 AM
6

I would stop putting any money into your 401k or retirement if your have it because that can be divided up. If I was ever married again I would not put any money into it while married. You are in good shape because she makes a lot. I think a lot of us that really get burned are where there’s a large income disparity and the guy is the higher earner. If the situation were reversed and you made double her salary she could go for lifetime alimony in a long term marriage like that. Family law is not…
/r/Divorce_Men12/06/23 10:46 PM
3

Are you saying you don't like the movie "She Hulk, Attorney At Law"?
/r/MensRights12/06/23 05:39 PM
2

That's nice she is not going after your reitrement after she pretty much used you for housing to support her though law school then decided to ditch you once she got through it and is ready to be a lawyer. That's what's happening here. If she starts coming after you for support or alimony then delay everything until she starts working as a lawyer so incomes are equalized. I also read in the divorce laws that when you support someone through school like this it should matter. I don't know how muc…
/r/Divorce_Men12/06/23 04:42 PM
4

Yep and this is what wealthy people or savy people do to protect assets from marriage and divorce. I dated a girl that was previously married. She had a house and a mortgage. But she didn't. The house was owned by a trust that her dad controlled. She paid the mortgage to her dad. He paid it to the mortgage company. When she got divorced the husband did not get anything related to the house because his wife was effectivly a renter from her dad. This is a good example of how women protect their as…
/r/Divorce_Men12/06/23 02:17 PM
5

No. Marriage is very risky if you are the higher earner. If it’s with a woman that makes more or the same than you it’s less risky but most women don’t date down unless you are really good looking. If you are the higher earner at some point they can just decide you aren’t doing the dishes enough or doing whatever and they can still take your income, retirement, equity in the house while they can go on dating apps and get 100 matches. There is also no penalty for adultery so they can date and hav…
/r/Divorce_Men11/06/23 10:07 PM
13

When guys make more money they think this is great now I can support my family. When women start making more they tend to think, I’m doing fine so I don’t need anyone else. Of course this isn’t every one but It seems to be a common story. They get a better job, someone pays off all their debt and they are out. In divorce the one thing you have going for you is she now has a good job. That will help because is she did this while still in grad school you would get hammered hard with support then a…
/r/Divorce_Men11/06/23 08:20 PM
6

My ex didn’t want to file because the actual filing of divorce papers was like $400 and she wanted me to file so I would have to pay that money. She ended up filing then complaining to me that she had to pay it. She was also trying to get alone time with a guy we knew 20 years younger than her. So glad that shit is over.
/r/Divorce_Men11/06/23 02:05 PM
48

Yep and this is one of the only subs at least I’m on that guys can say what they want and not get banned.
/r/MensRights11/06/23 02:00 PM
1

Once they check out of a marriage it’s over. I think she is using you for money. It’s risky for you to get divorced while she has no income. On the other hand it’s also risky to let the marriage go on too long. It you hit ten years you could be stuck paying alimony for the rest of your life. I was married for 7 years as well.
/r/Divorce_Men08/06/23 10:14 PM
11

I remember when this was first happening to me and I thought this way. You have this concept of fairness in your head. You think divorce is fair and will be fair to you since you supported this person and paid for so much over the last 5 years and probably more. The problem is that the way family law is the opposite of that. What family law wants to do is take as much as it can from the higher earner to support the lower earner. It's like socialism. The one good thing you have going here is that…
/r/Divorce_Men08/06/23 04:40 PM
1

I remember having to fill this out. I’m pretty sure nobody ever used it for anything.
/r/Divorce_Men07/06/23 08:14 PM
1

I don't think you will hear a lot of complaints about marriage from the lower income earner. It's when you are the higer earner and there is also a pretty significant difference in income where the problems happen. If you are married for 10 years or longer you can end up paying that person for the rest of your life in some states. I'm pretty sure Dr. Dre in CA is paying like 4 million a year for the rest of his life to someone he isn't married to. That is an extreme example, but when you get int…
/r/Divorce_Men06/06/23 06:40 PM
1

I just finished paying 3 years of alimony. We did not have kids and were married for 7 years. She made between $60,000 to $80,000 per year. She started sleeping with my then best friend 2 weeks after filing. She then stayed with him almost every night, but kept a separate apartment because usually alimony terminates if they move in with someone from the opposite sex. As soon as the alimony ran out she moved in with him full time. After some reflection, I realized that she was using me the entire…
/r/MensRights06/06/23 06:10 PM
12

There is a huge difference between this sub and ther other. If a guy posts on that sub about potentially leaving and gives a few reasons it's like crickets. A woman posts that a guy works full time but doesn't also do all the housework and it's like leave that deadbeat loser scumbag. I try not to be gender biased in my posts, but I think over there it's built in to it.
/r/Divorce_Men06/06/23 05:15 PM
8

Women leave guys for 1/2 of this on the other sub all the time. I’m not pro divorce but if you know things aren’t going to work having kids and staying married for years will hurt you in the long run. She will probably cheat if she already doesn’t care about sex with you and is advertising herself online. This decision It also depends on the income difference. If there is a big one you are more financially liable to support her and her new boyfriend even after divorce. Be careful about what you …
/r/Divorce_Men05/06/23 10:59 PM
2

They arrested her for just sending texts at 4:45am? Damn. I’ve been stalked and harassed by my ex gf much worse than that. I know if I ever did the same I would probably be arrested. Didn’t realize it was so easy.
/r/Divorce_Men03/06/23 12:34 PM
0

I'm trying to break up with a girl I started dating post divorce. She got drunk and wrote me some emails that were over the line to me. Like stuff you shouldn't say to someone. I haven't had any contact with her in 15 days. She repeats this behaviour every few months. Anyway, on day 15 guess what she is doing? She is going shopping for me then leaving food, new sandals for summer, a new hat and a new polo shirt near my car. Lots of letters saying I love you, I miss you, apologizing, but not apol…
/r/Divorce_Men01/06/23 05:19 PM
4

I told the guy dating my ex wife, she’s your problem now. He doesn’t work and is on disability. He was bragging that he had $1500 in his bank account. The only thing I want to ask him now, about 3 years later is, hey do you still have that $1500? lol. There’s 0% chance the answer is yes. Alimony is finally over, what a scam it all was.
/r/Divorce_Men31/05/23 05:11 PM
5

I'm not sure if almony was involved, but a common thing that terminates alimony is when a person moves in with someone from the opposite sex. The reason being that they now have financial support from another person. I'm wondering if she is going to go after you for that but realized sharing an apartment and utilities with someone else will void it.
/r/Divorce_Men31/05/23 03:51 PM
2

Muay Thai is a good fight club to join. You won't have to tell anyone anything and the workout will kick your ass regardless. You get to punch, kick, elbow and knee the shit of pads people hold for you. It will help you get into better shape if you aren't already and help build confidence. It also will take your mind off other things because when you are doing it, you have to pay attention to just that. This is especially true during sparring sessions. The only thing that matters is hitting or g…
/r/Divorce_Men31/05/23 03:21 PM
5

I've watched a few videos from lawyers on Youtube regarding this because I was watching some divorce stuff and false domestic violence claims happen often. One of the things the videos say is to stop all contact with the person accusing you, don't talk to the police, try not to talk to people about the incident at all. If you are charged with anything then you will need a lawyer obviously. I assume your parents would have to get one. I think stopping talking to people about it is important thoug…
/r/MensRights31/05/23 02:29 PM
11

Yea I've heard this called "betatization by a thousand concessions". It's the process where you give in to her on one thing then another and over time she will start to see the guy as weak because he doesn't ever stand up to her. In reality it's just the guy trying to be a normal person and not an asshole. At that point they get the I love you but I'm in love with you line and they go looking for someone else. I was thinking last night, what is the actual translation of "I love you, but I'm not …
/r/Divorce_Men31/05/23 12:36 PM
1

I definitely see a lot of things happen to women as well. What I usually see there is a cheating husband or one with alcohol problems. There are a lot of posts where women are dealing with infidelity. I do feel sorry for them because it’s a horrible thing to go through. It seems less common at least from posts where a guy is just like hey, I know we have two small kids but I don’t love you romantically now so I’m leaving. Those are the ones that surprise me.
/r/Divorce_Men30/05/23 11:29 PM
2

I'll add a little bit about what to expect. When she files for divorce they will have to serve you the papers for the lawsuit. If you hire a lawyer in time your lawyer can contact hers and accept service on your behalf. That's better than some persosn showing up at your job. She may file for spousal support if you make more than her. This support happens during the divorce. Alimony starts when the divorce is finalized. I don't have kids so I'm not going to talk about kids or custody, others on h…
/r/Divorce_Men30/05/23 07:01 PM
2

Yep. If there is any argument it's important that there is absolutely no physical contact between you two. When the police ask if there was any physical contact and anyone says yes, someone is probably getting arrested. This can be hard because sometimes they will try to grab you. My ex g/f that I am no contact with would bear hug me while I was trying to leave. I was able to get one arm free, hold my phone up and hit record. That made her stop. The last time she tried I went into a bedroom, cal…
/r/Divorce_Men30/05/23 06:18 PM
13

What do you think the logic is behind this? Are these cases where the woman couldn't get some male model looking dude, settled for the provisioner while really just using him the whole time for lifestyle and kids? Then when it's been a few years they weaponize family law so they can go after guys they want? That's the only way that makes logical sense to me. I just don't belive that someone is married and then a few years later there is this 180 degree shift. I'm excluding cases of cheating or d…
/r/Divorce_Men30/05/23 05:46 PM
79

I read that sub a lot. I can't believe the number of women with really small children that are filing for divorce becuase "they aren't in love". The classic I love you but I'm not in love with you line. I'm not talking about husbands that are cheaters or alcoholics. Just normal guys that are totally blindsided and have no idea they are about to lose almost everything to finance this woman going on dating apps. It's really shocking how many of these I've seen in just the past week or two.
/r/Divorce_Men30/05/23 01:00 PM
4

The only good thing you have going financially as far as divorce goes is you have only been married 5 years. If you were at or near 10 years you could end up supporting her for life. I have to say I am totally shocked at the number of women with small children filing for divorce just because “I’m not in love anymore”. Family law needs to change.
/r/Divorce_Men30/05/23 11:21 AM
8

It will matter if you have a big income difference. If you have to pay alimony post divorce the amount is usually based on income difference and the length of time is based on how long you were married. In many states past 10 years is considered a long term marriage and some people end up with alimony for life. If you can get have a mediator or nice divorce good luck. Another guy on here said his wife told him this then transferred $7500 out of their joint account into an account only she contro…
/r/Divorce_Men29/05/23 08:59 PM
1

Yep this is a good idea especially if you argue and she tries to get you arrested. Once an argument starts you have to physically separate from her to avoid any physical contact. Sometimes you only have a minute or two to get out.
/r/Divorce_Men28/05/23 11:10 PM
2

Her employer won’t allow her to drop you from the health insurance. I was mad at my ex and wanted to drop her but wasn’t allowed. In our settlement agreement I agreed to keep her on for 6 months post divorce. It’s funny she stole all the money “so you won’t steal the money”. She could have taken her half. She will probably use it to get a lawyer. I’m wondering if spousal support is not involved because she makes more than you? I swear whenever the women make more the guys get talked into mediati…
/r/Divorce_Men28/05/23 11:05 PM
1

Here’s why I think that: Fear of Abandonment: Check. Always claiming I am abandoning her. I would go back to my apartment after being with her for a few days and she would send me 100 texts breaking up with me. Also uses the word abandonment all the time in emails. Suicidal Threats: Check. Every time her crazy mean emails go to far I go no contact. Then threats of suicide start. I want to die, hope I don’t wake up, wants to burn her house down. Idealizing a person then being cruel: Check. This i…
/r/MensRights28/05/23 08:20 PM
4

Thanks. I have it saved to Dropbox, I think I’ll also put them on Backblaze for more long term storage.
/r/MensRights27/05/23 08:11 PM
2

Yes and you have to be careful because a PFA can make it so you can’t go near your own house. I had to lock myself in a bedroom and call 911 last Wednesday. This was an girlfriend (now ex) that I let in for a minute because she wanted to make sure another girl wasn’t here. She was also drunk and couldn’t drive herself home. I don’t drink anymore. My ex wife of 3 years ago told everyone she didn’t feel safe when she was about to move out. She painted me as an abuser and smear campaigned me to our…
/r/Divorce_Men27/05/23 01:51 PM
117

The girl I’m currently trying to break up with recently told me in an email if I don’t stay with her all previous sex is now rape because she did it thinking we would be together forever. I saved all of the emails and haven’t talked to her since last Wednesday when the police removed her from my place. I’m almost 100% certain she has BPD. I’ve dated others, that were genuine good people (well one really) so I know it’s not all women and don’t hate women. I do have a mom and a sister I talk to ev…
/r/MensRights27/05/23 01:15 AM
1

You can upload them to shutterfly to an album and never look at them. That way you still have but they don't have to be on your phone.
/r/Divorce_Men26/05/23 12:59 PM
2

The divorce laws in Texas are much better than a state like California or even Pennsylvania. Texas does not have alimony that is enforceable by family law. So a person married in CA or PA for over 10 years could end up paying alimony for the rest of their life. Dr Dre is paying 3.5 million annually until he dies or the ex enters into a new domestic partnership. I wonder if she will do that. I have a feeling she won’t.
/r/Divorce_Men25/05/23 10:55 PM
2

Yep. When people talk about renting vs owning I think the owning part is underestimated heavily. Like did you count all the weekends of buying lawn tools, replacing toilets, cutting weeds, paying exterminators, raking leaves, cutting the lawn so your house doesn't look bad compared to the retiered neighbor that cuts his lawn in god damn astroturf looking professional cross cuts. It's all very expensive in time and money. Now that is not even getting into the women part. The partying, the trips t…
/r/Divorce_Men25/05/23 06:40 PM
3

I had a $389,000 house. It was 3 bedrooms, 2 baths and had full basement. It had a driveway and 2 car garage. it was about 5-7 minutes away from both of our jobs. We only lived there for one year though. She filed for divorce right before the beginning of the pandemic so it was before values really went up. I think houses in that neigborhood are going to like $550-$600 last time I looked. I don't dwell on that though. Now I am living in a one bedroom apartment that is $1350 a month. I really don…
/r/Divorce_Men25/05/23 06:30 PM
3

Was she a drinker? I feel like this is how they act with the interrupting and cursing.
/r/Divorce_Men24/05/23 07:48 PM
1

That’s good because that’s the kind of girl in epiphany phase and once they get the wedding. house and kids they will drop you and go back out dating and family law will make you finance that for several years.
/r/MensRights22/05/23 08:47 PM
4

They matter a lot. When people ask women to describe the traits they want in a guy, a lot of times they will leave out money and looks. They will say things like he has to be funny, care about me, etc. The reason they do that is because to them the looks and money part ARE IMPLIED. So it's like yea, I want this really hot good looking rich guy to be nice to me and call me back and all this other stuff. When guys are really good looking, women will message them over and over, show up, buy them th…
/r/MensRights22/05/23 02:40 PM
1

This is wrong. When you are dealing with someone that is going to get physical or start throwing things the right thing to do is to leave immediately and if you want to communicate with them you do it via phone in your car. Staying in the same place as them is extremely risky, neighbors will call the police, you may call the police and if they show up and things are everywhere, they are going to take someone to jail and there is a good chance it will be the guy. It isn't worth ruining your entir…
/r/Divorce_Men22/05/23 10:41 AM
16

You actaully have to be careful about even doing this in some places. In some states there isn't common law marriage, but if a couple has a ceremony and says vows and protrays themselves as a married couple then family law can treat them as married.
/r/Divorce_Men22/05/23 10:36 AM
8

Probably just put it into savings or build up my stock portfolio. I was in tons of credit card debt while married, now I have no credit card debt and my car is almost paid off. I have been in a pretty bad post divorce relationship though. A few days ago we were arguing and she came to my apartment unannounced. She said I had a girl over and she wanted to check. I let her in and said look, but then you have to leave. Well she didn’t leave. She tried to grab my arm but I was able to move away and …
/r/Divorce_Men20/05/23 01:34 AM
32

This is 100% true and happened to me. There is a saying by a youtuber that "the true with piss you off, then it will set you free". This is that truth. In hindsight, I think for guys it's kind of hard to believe a girl would pretend to be in love and to be happy with you to the point of marrying you and living with you for years, but they will absolutely do that. Mine would take me to this guy's house that she was friends with. I didn't realize it at the time but he was really good looking, almo…
/r/Divorce_Men19/05/23 04:49 PM
2

This is why they say love is blind.
/r/Divorce_Men18/05/23 07:21 PM
1

If you are currently paying her support you can have your lawyer send domestic relations your new income, which could be $0 and they should update the support amount based on that. There is a formula they use based on both incomes to figure out spousal support and alimony pendente lite, which is paid while the divorce is in progress. Actual alimony starts when the divorce is finalized. If there is no trial many times the amount you were paying in Spousal support or APL is agreed upon and continu…
/r/Divorce_Men18/05/23 04:42 PM
2

Muay Thai or Jiu-Jitsu.
/r/Divorce_Men16/05/23 08:51 PM
5

Tell her you love her, but you're not in love with her. lol
/r/Divorce_Men10/05/23 02:42 PM
4

They can take future wages and 401k savings.
/r/Divorce_Men10/05/23 02:32 PM
1

I agree with this. I can't even believe a therapist or counsler would suggest this. I would fire them. You know 100% what she is going to do and the playing field is not even. She can join dating apps and get 100 matches and messages in the first day. Try getting that as a guy. Plus if this ends in divorce, the length of alimony is usually based on how long you were married, so staying married to her for longer is probably going to make you pay her for longer.
/r/Divorce_Men08/05/23 05:29 PM
6

Was one of your other posts about how she cheated on you with your best man? You have to be careful with this kind of thing because if you make more money than her family court is going to garnish your future wages for alimony and spousal support so you are going to have to support her while she is out dating anyone she wants. This depends on what state you are in though. With family court in most states there is no fault divorce, so she can sleep with everyone in your entire town in your bed an…
/r/Divorce_Men04/05/23 01:38 PM
1

I put money into it before we were married and while we were married. She got part of everything I saved while we were married and part of the incresed value of all of the previous money I had put in while we were married. I wouldn't say she earned any of it, she didn't sit next to me at work and help me. If I were ever married again, which I won't be, I wouldn't be putting money into a 401k, unless there was an agreement that she couldn't take it or she had an equivalent account.
/r/Divorce_Men26/04/23 11:30 AM
1

Consider stopping contributions to your 401k, she will get a part of all earnings on it while you are married. Mine took $50,000 from mine.
/r/Divorce_Men26/04/23 01:32 AM
1

Not sure where you are or what the laws are but maybe notify them of job loss, file for alimony pendente lite if she is working. Tell them about medical issues.
/r/Divorce_Men25/04/23 09:14 PM
5

This is the problem with no fault divorce and why I will never get married again. You can be married and you wife can go on dates, have sex with lots of people, have sex in your house with other people whenever she wants and I'm pretty sure in most states it would have almost no impact on the support, alimony or the division of assets in divorce. There is no way to know the person you are marrying won't just turn on you and do this and then blame you. Everyone thinks it won't happen to them and …
/r/Divorce_Men25/04/23 02:06 PM
3

Great post. This is why I like Reddit.
/r/Divorce_Men22/04/23 11:23 PM
2

I read something once where a guy asks a girl, would you ever date a poor guy? The girl is like uh no. Then the guy is like, well you are the poor guy to me. How much is her house worth? I think reading all of the divorce filings is really intrusive and when you told her you don't want to talk about it, that obviously doesn't mean you want her to go and read everything then not talk to you about it. This kind of person has no respect for you boundries. The first person I dated after my divorce w…
/r/Divorce_Men17/04/23 02:23 PM
1

Thanks. They started dating 2 weeks after she filed for divorce even though I didn't find out until about a year later. Even before I found out about them dating I stopped talking to him though, because when I talked to him, he was saying all of this stuff that was getting on my nerves. Things like just tell her you're sorry because I woke up on New years morning in a hotel room and she was in the bed next to mine wtih someone else. I should apologize for that. Anyway, I think he was pretending …
/r/Divorce_Men14/04/23 06:16 PM
7

I don't mean to be too negative here, wait yes I do. You asked for our advice and thoughts so I will chime in since I still care about this kind of thing a lot. I did almost everything you did and went down that road. I had a small townhouse on my own, she moved in rent free. Later she wanted a bigger house, so I bought one. The house was expensive, landscaping, applicances, time spent on all of that stuff. Concerts, vacations, dinners. Really whatever she wanted to do. Married for the magic 7 y…
/r/Divorce_Men13/04/23 04:01 PM
4

I've never been in the military but I heard about benefits of being married and in the military before. I did a quick google search and it says "getting married does feature some advantages, such as access to quality military benefits. Military marriage benefits include housing and living allowances, health insurance, childcare, as well as access to commissary and exchange". So maybe there are benefits like that in it for him. If he will get married for those things, he probably has no idea what…
/r/Divorce_Men13/04/23 02:37 PM
3

This is good advice.
/r/Divorce_Men09/04/23 11:06 PM
6

If I had suggested to my ex and her lawyer that she get a second job so I didn’t have to her spousal support and alimony I think everyone would have laughed me out of the court house.
/r/Divorce_Men08/12/22 04:28 AM
2

They don’t care about debts or loans or credit cards or any of that. You aren’t dealing with some reasonable system here where they will consider those things. They will probably look at your last few pay checks and the first spousal support will be based on that. If your income changes you can get the spousal support or alimony pendente lite changed. If you have 100k in CC debt and alimony would make you bankrupt they don’t care. Person that makes the least money wins big in divorce law.
/r/Divorce_Men24/11/22 02:48 PM
1

She's lying. When women say they need their time and space that usually means time and space with another guy, or at the very least to look for one. These women get to 7 -8 years or more and will just turn on you and lave and think they can go out again like they are 21 years old. it's really obnoxious. The wedding vows part should be in the acutal divorce laws, but it's not. To them vows are just something they say until they get bored. My ex used to post all of this YOLO!!! then I found out a …
/r/Divorce_Men22/11/22 03:27 PM
2

If she really filed for divorce worrying about telling her where you are going will be the last thing you care about soon. If you make more than her she will start getting you for spousal support, the alimony pendente lite then actual alimony once the divorce is final in a year or two. You will need a lawyer, if you get one soon they can accept service on your behalf and respond to the divorce complaint. You need a lawyer to respond and to attempt to protect you.
/r/Divorce_Men20/11/22 08:27 PM
2

Well you did the right thing letting your lawyer talk to the police. That was smart.
/r/Divorce_Men30/08/22 02:14 AM
3

Divorce is not an easy thing to go through because learning that family court will take your money and give it to your wife and her new boyfriend is not easy. That being said in my opinion it’s better to end the marriage sooner so you don’t have to pay alimony to her for years or even the rest of your life. Also cut your 401k contributions because she may get a lot of that. My ex was driving me in to so much debt when I was like hey we have to pay this off, she was like no I’ll divorce you, take…
/r/Divorce_Men28/08/22 09:26 PM
2

File for divorce and sue her for support and alimony since you aren’t working. That’s what women do.
/r/Divorce_Men14/07/22 10:03 PM
1

Be careful about recording people when they don’t know. In my state (PA) if there is an expectation of privacy and only one party knows about the recording I think that is a crime under the wiretapping laws. There was a story I read where a guy recorded a custody hearing via phone in his pocket, ran out of the hearing and posted it on facebook. He was charged and I think went to jail for a while. He said he didn’t know it was against the law, but that isn’t a valid defense so he was guilty. I th…
/r/Divorce_Men03/05/22 12:34 PM
1

I'm not a laywer but I am divorced and live in a state that requires on year of separation. So if I'm wrong someone can point that out. I think the misunderstanding here is that you are able to file for divorce at any time. The divorce will not be signed by a judge and finalized until that one year of separation happens, but typically during that time you are working out things like property settlement agreements during that time. Also one year of separation could mean that you just sleep in ano…
/r/Divorce_Men30/06/21 02:39 PM
2

This is exactly right.
/r/Divorce_Men29/06/21 09:52 PM
3

The length of time you will have to pay her alimony or spousal support is based on how long you are married. You may have to pay her for 1 to 1.5 years if you get out now. In some states if you go over 10 years you could have to pay them for life.
/r/Divorce_Men29/06/21 09:50 PM
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