Financial Abuse?

azwildcat74 · 2023-08-10T15:20:51+00:00

Don't listen to her. You are not financially abusing her, this is the same bullshit that every divorcing wife tries to say. She has the means to leave anytime she wants to, that's not financial abuse. File now, right after this it becomes mental/emotional abuse.

Diablo_Canyon2 · 2023-08-10T16:21:37+00:00

Tale as old as time

My wife claimed this too. My wife had her own bank account with her own business money in it that I never even asked about because I never cared what she did with her own money.

We had the joint account that I paid mortgage and bills with that my paycheck got direct deposited into. Whatever was left over after mortgage and bills was what was both of ours at the end of the month. The only money deposited into the joint account was my paycheck.

My wife accused me of "stealing money from the joint account." I stole my own paycheck according to her.

"Whats mine is mine and what's yours is also mine"

Don't get married folks.

Retying3043 · 2023-08-10T16:29:11+00:00

Women will claim financial abuse unless they have 100% control of the money and give you a small allowance to spend. They should never hear the word “no” when it comes to spending money. Obviously this is BS, and nothing you posted sounds like financial abuse. Ignore and hold your ground.

Greedy-Flow-6886 · 2023-08-10T15:44:05+00:00

If I were you depending on the type of person she is, start taking her accusations as projections of her own behavior toward you. I'd start looking into her financial status and you will likely see she's probably been siphoning money for some time.

JohnnyMnemo · 2023-08-10T17:06:51+00:00

"financial abuse" is just another invented term that means "I don't get to do everything I want, like a child" but they attempt to equate it morally with physical domestic abuse, like battering.

They know that DV is something to be deplored, and not getting their own way in all things is something that they hate, so they are attempting to make those feelings synonymous and morally equivalent.

OFC, it's laughable.

TheNattyJew · 2023-08-10T18:43:25+00:00

You pay 100% of the bills and she says that's financial abuse? talk about entitled

DatabaseSpace · 2023-08-10T17:40:12+00:00

Yes, but she is financially abusing you.

whenwillthehurtstop · 2023-08-10T18:13:25+00:00

Lmao. My STBX did the same shit. I was financially abusive according to her and her lawyer because i paid the mortgage and all other bills minus her car note and groceries which she paid. I earned 67% of our household income. Im still paying her car insurance 6 months after separation for some stupid reason. But im a controlling, financially abusive asshole because she had no idea what our monthly expenses were when her lawyer asked.

Rough-Area4765 · 2023-08-10T16:46:48+00:00

There is no such thing as "financial abuse" unless you are in family court. If you made less than her, she would say "emotional abuse". If you made the same amount, she'd accuse you of adultery. If you were a monk, she would accuse you of being a "child abuser"....etc.

Get where I am going with this? It's always the man's fault. Don't even be phased with these accusations. Her next up game is "domestic violence" if she doesn't get her way.

Record everything from this point on and be prepared for the fight of your life. She is no longer the woman you married and she is looking to cash out. You are simply the bank at this point and she wants to withdraw and make you pay for past use of her p-sleeve.

This cycle is seen in every court room in the US daily. Judges know but their attorney friends need a paycheck. So they need conflict, for billable hours.

Good luck. We've all been there. Don't get remarried and educate any single man (including your children if you have any) about the consequences of volunteering into a marriage contract.

FuriousSasquatch · 2023-08-10T17:22:25+00:00

She can say anything is abuse. It's actually beyond ridiculous how easily that term is thrown around these days. Narcissist, trauma, gaslighting, abuse etc. All the current keywords they love to use when describing why they are divorced. All the man's fault and only applicable towards males. Females are simply exempt from committing such heinous acts

Lean_BigDaddy · 2023-08-10T16:34:27+00:00

Mine tried the same accusation, I had tons of evidence to the contrary that was submitted at the last hour possible for court date, her and attorney signed agreement 15 minutes later, cancelling that court date 🙄

Gattsama · 2023-08-10T17:43:37+00:00

It doesn't matter what she says, claims, or even proves. It doesn't matter if someone cheated, spend a bunch on money on an affair partner, paid for everything, etc. None of that matters. Everything is no fault.

There is no credit for being a good partner, nor penalty for being a bad one. It doesn't matter. Do not waste time, money, energy or your attorney's time answering or defending BS. Just accept its a 50/50 split of all communal assets & debts + children custody / residency / support + spousal support.

The final deal is already pretty much know by all parties. Just figure it out and get it done. You can waste huge amounts of money, and not get a different end point. You will get fucked, but that's the system.

Embarrassed_Honey_51 · 2023-08-10T18:02:32+00:00

Lmfao wife told me since I didn’t give her my w2 I was financially abusive…

So on top of being emotionally abusive, I’m also financially abusive…. What’s next? Forgetting to put the toilet seat down abusive?!

AudreyTooTwo · 2023-08-10T19:04:32+00:00

Women love anything with the word "abuse" in it. When I was a kid, "abuse" meant physical hitting. Now, it's simply hurting her feelings and anything else she doesn't like. My ex was so hung-up on "abuse" claims, I eventually joked that she should flee to a battered women's shelter because of the way I "abusively" licked envelopes.
You kinda hit the nail on the head in another comment, OP. You're most likely having a no-fault divorce. Who's to blame is right there in the name: no one is at fault. Even if she wanted an "at-fault" divorce, simply disagreeing about spending is hardly justified grounds. At-fault divorces are expensive, lengthy, complicated and require clear evidence of serious abuse.

An aside, I see this all the time on Reddit: Women end up in a "no-fault" divorce but nevertheless expect to come to court and give the judge a long list of complaints. They think the judge will be sympathetic, and be a referee on every argument they've ever had. I read a women's post recently about how she was taking screenshots to bring to court of her husband 'liking' photos of other women on social media. Wow, the judge simply won't care.

In a no-fault divorce, the judge is mostly going to be concerned about sticking to the state laws, not reviewing every bit of dirty laundry.

ultrasuperthrowaway · 2023-08-11T01:45:27+00:00

She’s financially abusing you

acg34 · 2023-08-10T18:23:31+00:00

My ex claimed the same thing. I saved too much for the kids college, saved too much for retirement. I wouldn’t sell the tow

captainchippsixx · 2023-08-10T17:50:48+00:00

File a counter financial abuse claim. That she hides her money.

SpacemanLost · 2023-08-10T18:25:57+00:00

lock down your amex that she has or any other cards and accounts she has access to. my non-working ex tried to run up my cards and pull cash advances just before we went to court.

EDIT: if you're going to downvote me into negatives, I'm curious as to WHY you think this is bad advice or off-topic for someone who recently served their STBX. Serious.

and by 'lock down', amex will let you as the primary card holder put a spending limit on each card.

captainchippsixx · 2023-08-10T17:49:45+00:00

Pay down the debt yep! Doesn’t matter what she says anymore.

Goclem2000 · 2023-08-10T18:33:30+00:00

I didn’t even know financial abuse was a thing. These days ‘abuse’ is used more than TP was purchased during covid, so when I see ‘…. abuse’ I kinda check out 😂

Alright_So · 2023-08-10T19:33:39+00:00

I don’t know what jurisdiction you’re in but that’s shit, a very familiar story to my situation. We had similar incomes, I paid for most of our needs and wasn’t able to save much and then she freaked out that I had so little savings and she had some. Stupid me considered the savings in her account shared the same way I didn’t mind paying for everything out of my account.

I would second guess myself until we separated and moved out. My costs were way higher renting alone with the same income but surprise surprise all of a sudden money wasn’t tight.

This does not sound like what could be constituted as financial abuse by any means since she has income and also has use of a credit card that you pay off

xjeeperx · 2023-08-10T20:23:06+00:00

I think they have a class where they teach them all what to say.

Mine said the same thing, that I controlled the finances. But she quit her job and went to school full time as soon as we got married, and I was providing for a family of 4 on $15/hr. The money was gone as soon as it hit my account, sometimes before. And you’d have thought the world ended when she started working and I asked her to help me pay off the $6k in credit card debt that had accumulated over the 3 years she was in school. And the majority of that was her books and fees that weren’t covered by her grant…

Ended up giving her 36 months of bank and card statements so that she could try to “find out what I was hiding”.

MidniteOG · 2023-08-10T23:23:05+00:00

That depends…. You have been paying the bills, which she is accustomed too…. Abruptly stop and that could be considered abuse

Far_Excitement_4835 · 2023-08-11T09:39:48+00:00

If what you say is true.

It is financial abuse. But not on your part.

There is also emotional abuse present, but again, not on your part.

I think you know what to do.

gtivr4 · 2023-08-10T17:34:42+00:00

Honestly I would call it financial infidelity. Not openly communicating about finances is a breach of trust.

Tiger_27 · 2023-08-11T13:41:16+00:00

Seems to me if you divorce her, you'll better off financially.

Title	Financial Abuse?
Author	Spam_It_All_To_Hell
Upvotes	10
Comments	55
Date	August 10, 2023 3:09 PM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/15nf3it/financial_abuse/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/financial-abuse.1227926 https://theredarchive.com/post/1227926

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