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JohnnyMnemo Archive

View 12 posts and 927 comments by JohnnyMnemo on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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-1

I'm as pessimistic as anyone in this sub, but there are still some marriages that can be saved. I hope. If this is really the only issue OP has, he might be able to resolve it. Maybe. Fuckit, the institution of marriage has been killed by no-fault divorces and splitting of marital assets. Sex without physical consequence did a number too. But if you're already married you might as well try to save it.
/r/Divorce_Men07/09/23 07:02 PM
8

If you are in a financial position where $1K treatment hurts but isn't catastrophic, I can say with some confidence that a divorce will cost you more. If it's really about the cost, what would losing 1/2 your nw + spousal maintence cost? I'll bet it's a hell of a lot more than $1K a month for a course of treatment that I can't imagine would be longer than 18 months. I've spent more than that on my legal fees alone, let alone the division of my assets.
/r/Divorce_Men07/09/23 05:41 PM
1

RPillers say yes. I personally think this is the critical part: "she later learned was not a healthy approach" I would believe her that she learned her lesson.
/r/Divorce_Men06/09/23 10:28 PM
1

You should split the 401K. You don't want to take out a loan (with financing) to avoid splitting money that is restricted use until retirement. But that pension protection is some bullshit. I split my 401ks, and wasn't aware of any consequences from doing so.
/r/Divorce_Men06/09/23 07:54 PM
3

The rule of thumb--which is pretty abstract, but proved to be true in my case--is one month of grief for every year of marriage. If you're not ready to date, you're not ready. Don't. Also, don't argue with the ex. Just hang up, don't respond. You might as well try to talk to a wall. There is no production that can come out of that conversation--you're not going to convince her, and she's not going to convince you. What happened and why it happened is for you and your therapist to figure it out. …
/r/Divorce_Men06/09/23 04:22 PM
1

Ah. Thanks for the clarification.
/r/Divorce_Men01/09/23 02:48 AM
1

No quit claim?
/r/Divorce_Men01/09/23 02:10 AM
3

My ex got the house, I got investments. Part of the deal was that she needed to take me off the mortgage so I'd no longer be liable for the asset. I thought it was strange that she went through a refi, apparently, instead of just asking me to quit claim. It no doubt cost her some money and probably a less than good interest rate.
/r/Divorce_Men31/08/23 07:05 PM
6

Seems like this club is growing bigger everyday. It saddens me, nothing was more traumatic in my life than going through this. The only thing I can say is: the children are watching.
/r/Divorce_Men27/08/23 06:04 PM
1

Well, Hitler did.
/r/PurplePillDebate19/08/23 03:41 PM
3

Yeah. It's been about a year now, 3 years since I moved out which is when my life really started again. In all ways besides financially it has been nothing but great. Financially it was a disaster, but I can re-earn that.
/r/Divorce_Men19/08/23 06:31 AM
5

Mine tried to say we should cohabitate, but even then I knew that she'd never agree to not having dudes over and that I wouldn't be able to control myself. You're stronger than me, man. Good on you, keep it together. btw, her idea of cohabitating was "she'll keep the master bedroom and bed, and I can sleep on an air mattress in the bonus room". And then when I bailed accused me of not being mature enough to handle it.
/r/Divorce_Men19/08/23 05:00 AM
1

If you're comfortable giving her a reasonable percentage, I suppose you should. I wouldn't, personally, but it's your money and if it salves your conscience so be it. If that number is 20% or 50% is up to you. However, I'll just point out: plan to remain friends and live very close to each other. Plans change. Esp when another partner enters the picture. Don't count on that too much. You will both find the trajectory of your lives to change afterwards.
/r/Divorce_Men18/08/23 06:07 PM
16

What still bakes my noodle, after a similarly long marriage, is what part of me is the marriage and what part is me. You can't spend that long with someone to not be shaped by it. I will never live my 30s again. We struggled together and we succeeded together, and for the most part had the same goals. Now when I reflect on who I am it's difficult to sort out the husband from the bachelor.
/r/Divorce_Men17/08/23 04:24 PM
5

I myself lost weight and then found myself divorced a year later. Was I subconsciously getting ready? Was my own weight loss a threat? Hard to say, but there was a correlation.
/r/Divorce_Men17/08/23 04:00 PM
3

What do you think would help in the prevention of less divorces? Less marriages. Barring that, women making enough that they need to start paying the male ex-spouse child support and alimony. I guarantee when women go on the hook for this they'll run from the chapel.
/r/Divorce_Men17/08/23 03:01 AM
1

I’m “not present so she should just be on her own Maybe. But that doesn't mean anything to the kid. Also, she can't just move the kid away from you on her own even though she can be remote herself.
/r/Divorce_Men16/08/23 04:55 PM
5

Many women believe that they are the one true parent, and assume that the kid is theirs by right. That's simply untrue, and the courts will support you, if you fight for it. Also there is no doubt that she hasn't considered that since she makes more that she might be the one obligated to support. Expect shocked pikachu when she realizes that she's set herself up.
/r/Divorce_Men16/08/23 03:35 PM
6

Take the kid yourself, until there's a custody agreement you both have full discretion to do whatever you want with the kid. You can also clean out any joint accounts. You might have to give it back after assets are divided, but not until then. Go for 50/50 custody. If she makes more, she's likely to have to pay you child support, and if she makes a lot more, that might include alimony.
/r/Divorce_Men16/08/23 03:02 PM
6

As an decided atheist, I'd rather date a devoted christian. At least they have culture on their side. There is literally no difference in my mind between astrologists and someone that would use chicken bones to foretell the future. Except chicken bone witch would actually be cooler.
/r/PurplePillDebate12/08/23 09:38 AM
5

She said I don't know what to do Go take a long walk off a short pier.
/r/Divorce_Men10/08/23 10:24 PM
2

It’s a shame I feel like I’m lying to my kids just because I don’t wanna say anything negative about their mother. Your only responsibility is to your kids at this point, not to their mother. You can try to explain her behavior to them, without excusing it. If that comes out badly for her, it's her own cross to bear.
/r/Divorce_Men10/08/23 07:08 PM
8

she got upset and said she would have a talk with him because he’s not gonna tell her how to live her life holy fucking shit. Her own 9 year old son is telling her that he's afraid that she doesn't love him anymore, and her response is "get wrecked, asshole, you can't tell me what to do" What an absolute disaster of flesh. You will need to help your kid with his grieving process. Don't be surprised if he winds up loathing his mom, even after she attempts to reconcile, and hopefully this doesn't …
/r/Divorce_Men10/08/23 06:59 PM
9

I had to get her approval or what? or what would happen? did she put hands on you? That's not abuse. That's a toxic and disrespectful relationship dynamic, but it does not fall on even the same spectrum of abuse as having your face beaten in. Using the same word for both actions with an adjective qualifier does not make them morally equivalent. Being disrespected is not abuse by itself. Next up: chore abuse. I had to do all of the chores, that's abuse! No. No it's not.
/r/Divorce_Men10/08/23 05:31 PM
8

"financial abuse" is just another invented term that means "I don't get to do everything I want, like a child" but they attempt to equate it morally with physical domestic abuse, like battering. They know that DV is something to be deplored, and not getting their own way in all things is something that they hate, so they are attempting to make those feelings synonymous and morally equivalent. OFC, it's laughable.
/r/Divorce_Men10/08/23 05:06 PM
3

tomato potato, but the effect is the same. There is no understanding it.
/r/Divorce_Men08/08/23 09:34 PM
1

so it's a "recommendation" and not a law. Which means she could get a discussion with CPS, but not a removal unless something else is found. The discussion would be documented and part of your body of evidence when you go to court. Also, it's a legit concern, so don't be concerned about being perceived as vindictive or harassing. Furthermore, being on the birth certificate is enough to establish paternity I'm 85% sure. Think about it, most fathers never actually take a DNA test, I never have but…
/r/Divorce_Men08/08/23 03:39 PM
18

I don’t even know how to make sense of that statement. Don't. You can't. You can only react to her actions at this point and take action on your own. That means kick her out, keep the kids, and get an attorney. It means that she's bored of your dick, basically, but that's neither her nor there.
/r/Divorce_Men07/08/23 08:03 PM
9

He was going through a divorce and still allowed his stbxw to make his coffee? cohab during the process is one thing, but I can't imagine allowing the other party to touch my food. honestly I don't know how you manage to sleep in such a situation
/r/Divorce_Men07/08/23 06:59 PM
2

Crazy is as crazy does. You can't control what she does, and her actions are her own. You need neither acknowledge them or apologize for them. Once you stop giving that power, she'll no longer have control and she's likely to see that's not worth her effort. Even if she does follow through and make something uncomfortable for you, deal with it and move on. If ex gets pissed by the actions of your stbxw, move on from her too.
/r/Divorce_Men03/08/23 09:17 PM
3

I think marriage is going to stop simply because the risks outweigh the advantages, and both genders are starting to realize it. Women having to pay alimony to cheating exh is only going to accelerate the trend.
/r/PurplePillDebate03/08/23 07:35 PM
15

And the most valuable men have the most to lose from marriage, that legally binds their assets. The protection women receive from divorce is naturally having a countervailing pressure on getting married in the first place. Sons that watched their fathers get fucked by the process of divorce have no intention of getting married--I can attest to that personally. Why would they commit? Esp when they can have kids outside of marriage.
/r/PurplePillDebate03/08/23 07:32 PM
1

The big issue with the femcel movement is that it's causing lower birth rates, which means not enough younger labor to support a burgeoning aging population, ie the population collapse in Japan. If that is actually a good thing or not is outside of the scope of this, but there are a lot of prominent people that think that population collapse is bad. They will try to shame women into not coupling and not having babies. Again, there will be tremendous resistance against that concept, quite a bit o…
/r/PurplePillDebate03/08/23 07:29 PM
5

Thanks and understood. Any time delay at this point is to my advantage, as there's a clock on this judgement with a hard stop. So even if she counters and tries to reopen, it'll be at her expense and it'll take months, meanwhile I'm running out the clock.
/r/Divorce_Men03/08/23 05:28 AM
2

Thanks, parents. Well, you raised me, so maybe I learned to make bad choices? Also, STFU.
/r/Divorce_Men03/08/23 01:17 AM
1

Well, he did blame himself, so you need to back down from your alpha male red pill bullshit. But let this be a warning to others.
/r/Divorce_Men03/08/23 12:45 AM
19

Being a dumbass I never went to court to dispute all her negative claims about me so by default she won You fucking what? You set yourself up to work from a disadvantage, for sure.
/r/Divorce_Men02/08/23 06:00 PM
6

The relatives are set on this guy not seeing his kids. He’s already winning the preliminaries. He’s gonna get 50-50 if a judge hears it but would settle for less. He's going to get 50/50 kids, split martial assets, and pay support unless there's egregious and demonstrably true, with evidence, why he shouldn't. Her greed and self absorption is going to cost them both a bunch of money. Women have a low capacity for introspection, as they never have to challenge themselves, as your story, and OP's …
/r/Divorce_Men01/08/23 09:00 PM
1

As a father, I stopped inquiring about my son's dating life. I didn't want them to think that they were defined and validated by having a girlfriend. I want them to live their own life, and if and when they want a girlfriend they'll figure it out. It may not happen. If it it does happen, or if they come to me with an interest, we'll talk about it then.
/r/PurplePillDebate01/08/23 06:41 PM
1

if men weren't so desperate for pussy. Which is something entirely in men's control. Try all you want, but you can't force me to simp.
/r/PurplePillDebate28/07/23 02:53 PM
–

Yeah, I found some on my own as well. Huh. There was a women's only social club, unfortunately in NY, which ran afoul of local sex discrimination laws--including an appeal that the laws were meant to benefit women, not work both ways. That club line eventually shut down anyway.
/r/PurplePillDebate22/07/23 07:57 PM
7

There are still private gyms that allow only members of their choosing. Private men’s clubs that only allow members or sons of members to join. Private county clubs and hunting lodges that only allow male members. I believe that all of those spaces were sued in the 80s and 90s to compel women to be allowed as members. If you have current examples of otherwise, I'd like to know of them.
/r/PurplePillDebate21/07/23 11:32 PM
2

It pretty much was my fault, though. I never should have married her in the first place, but I legitimately made some poor decisions both in the beginning and then at the end of the relationship that definitively drove her decisions that ultimately led to our dissolution.
/r/Divorce_Men19/07/23 06:56 PM
5

She's in contempt of court with the last part. Judges do not take kindly to the justice system being flouted.
/r/Divorce_Men18/07/23 09:44 PM
1

If you follow rules 1 and 2 you are excepted.
/r/PurplePillDebate15/07/23 01:43 AM
2

Hate? No. I have developed perspective on my own contribution to the divorce. She behaved badly, but I behaved badly in my own way too. I resent the amount and duration of spousal support that was ordered, and my life would be easier if I didn't have to pay it. That's not hate, though, that's simply business. We were married for 25 years, and raised two kids. That's too long to spend with anyone, during important development cycles, to be able to hate her. In fact, I wish sometime that we could …
/r/Divorce_Men12/07/23 09:09 PM
-2

This fairytale land where the hardworking everyman is financially exploited by his deadbeat ex. That's literally what we're discussing. You're making a circular rebuttal. And I'm not just inventing it, it happened to me: I am compelled to keep working, in order to support my ex, who was a SAHM, for the rest of her life.
/r/PurplePillDebate12/07/23 04:22 AM
0

When custody is 50/50, why does one parent get comped by the other? They are sharing expenses by definition. Do you think that the working dad somehow has fewer expenses than the non-working mom in terms of child support? And yet it's the working parent that pays child support to the non-working parent.
/r/PurplePillDebate12/07/23 02:25 AM
3

Child support goes is for the children. Who do you think actually spends that money? If you think that every $ of CS goes to child expense, you have no familiarity with the financial realities of divorce.
/r/PurplePillDebate11/07/23 08:38 PM
–

Men are allowed to have preferences, and no amount of shaming them for wrongthink will get them to change them. As long as my behavior is legal, I seriously couldn't care less that you don't endorse my behavior. Your opinion of my choices is invalid, go cry to your therapist about it. That goes for "passport bros", age preferences (as long as it's legal), weight preferences, racial preferences.
/r/PurplePillDebate11/07/23 04:57 PM
1

I'm /r/OutOfTheLoop, but also I'm not sure I want or need this context
/r/PurplePillDebate10/07/23 07:56 PM
2

stability is the enemy of titillating If you're constantly aroused you're probably being played.
/r/PurplePillDebate10/07/23 06:58 AM
2

Keeping contact with the kids, imo, is worth it. After the kids are grown and gone I've considered moving out of the country, but then they'll just seize my social security and it'll be a wash. My lifetime obligation will be $2K a month. The transitional support is more. That's after 50/50 asset split, which in my mind, was the fruits of my career labor that she was a partner to and deserved a share of.
/r/PurplePillDebate08/07/23 07:39 PM
2

Neither of these positions is even debatable.
/r/PurplePillDebate08/07/23 11:07 AM
1

Well, now you tell me.
/r/PurplePillDebate08/07/23 11:04 AM
10

you should have some financial compensation from it of some sort. Even under this new law, the non-working parent still gets: -50% of the marital assets -support for 75% of the duration of the marriage -50% of the primary earner's social security award, provided they were married at least 10 years. The issue here are alimony payments that continue past the earner's retirement age. If they are no longer deriving a benefit from their career income, why should their ex-spouse?
/r/PurplePillDebate08/07/23 02:13 AM
7

It's pretty outdated and only very very rarely used anymore. I'm here to tell you that I am currently obligated for alimony to my ex for the rest of my life, or hers, whichever ends first. Oregon.
/r/PurplePillDebate08/07/23 02:10 AM
19

After 10 years of you can’t support yourself, you’re a child not an adult. Even this law only changes the support duration from indefinite to 75% of the length of a marriage. For a 20 year marriage, that's a transitional payment by the ex for 15 years.
/r/PurplePillDebate08/07/23 02:08 AM
3

This is a child of the marriage, exhusband is the financial father It's just another example of the male species of the US being perceived as a money tree and nothing else
/r/Divorce_Men06/07/23 07:04 PM
3

When she doesn't have you on the hook for their child support her memory about who the father is may change. GL brother. I guess it's good to actually know?
/r/Divorce_Men06/07/23 06:59 PM
1

Do women even like men? Most women have a litany of things that they hate about men too. So why do women continue to date men?
/r/PurplePillDebate06/07/23 04:40 PM
1

I will too. The material upside to my personal finances outweighs every other position of his. #sorrynotsorry I'll even write him a check for just one year of my "lifetime alimony" and it'll still be a 6 digit campaign contribution. Never forget that it was Trump that made alimony contributions post-tax, too. I can't believe I will say this, but DeSantis 24!
/r/Divorce_Men03/07/23 01:35 AM
1

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UzWHE32IxUc&ab_channel=LennyKravitzVEVO
/r/PurplePillDebate17/06/23 10:40 PM
3

Who cares? Understand that your ex is now inventing stories that make her feel better and make you the victim, so don't believe a word she says.
/r/Divorce_Men17/06/23 09:44 PM
2

Oh, I thought it was to protect you from being raped. Nevermind, then.
/r/PurplePillDebate16/06/23 06:52 AM
1

I cannot see a path forward for myself. Brother, take it one day at a time. There were times when I was just beginning my divorce I measured progress in hours and steps, literally. You're still here. You'll survive. You'll come out smarter, stronger, more self-aware, and next time, if you choose to have a next time, you'll be wiser and choosier.
/r/Divorce_Men15/06/23 11:02 PM
5

If I said “short men are silly little manlets who all have a short man complex,” How about equating personal power with "big dick energy"?
/r/PurplePillDebate15/06/23 10:58 PM
4

It's a marathon, not a sprint.
/r/Divorce_Men12/06/23 04:26 PM
–

You've never heard of Irish Twins?
/r/PurplePillDebate10/06/23 04:29 PM
7

she said that was gonna keep him single. She knows the minds of all women on this topic? Why should he be threatened with singledom like it'd make him a pariah? You know this may blow your mind but he's just as likely to find a woman that shares his values as not, and only then if he chooses to partner up at all. If he can't find a partner on his terms he should be single; and there is nothing wrong with that.
/r/PurplePillDebate03/06/23 10:41 PM
62

Telling men that they don't have power and aren't relevant unless they have sex, how can anyone be surprised that then some men react to that message by aggressively pursuing sex, in order to prove their value? Maybe those shamers should think that through a little bit more. If you don't think that that happens, let me remind you of Senator Warren's "if you can get one" quote. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lr8-Ln3FK64 If he can't, he isn't relevant?
/r/PurplePillDebate02/06/23 05:31 PM
0

Your ex is a petty bitch, but I'm going to guess that you already knew that.
/r/Divorce_Men26/05/23 03:12 AM
4

He literally would not have been able to do it without her. [ citation needed ]
/r/Divorce_Men23/05/23 03:03 AM
2

first year first month, if not week
/r/Divorce_Men22/05/23 04:54 PM
11

You should expect and demand: -50% of all marital assets during during the time of the marriage. Your marriage was a partnership, so you get 1/2 of whatever was put into it regardless of who put it in. You allowed her to make more because you stayed home and took care of the homefires, which is why you deserve your share of it. -At least 50% of custody and commensurate child support -Continuing "spousal support" aka alimony. She developed her career while you did not, so it should continue to be…
/r/Divorce_Men20/05/23 08:39 PM
1

You don't think they actually mean it, do you? IMO a primary divider between men and women is that men tend to take words at face value. To say one thing but to actually believe another is just much harder for men to compute.
/r/PurplePillDebate20/05/23 08:00 PM
6

You're confusing RP with PUA. PUA can use tactics identified by the RP philosophy, but they aren't naturally the same thing.
/r/PurplePillDebate19/05/23 05:35 PM
–

simps are going to simp
/r/PurplePillDebate18/05/23 09:07 PM
–

*In the US. I "teleported" on Tinder to Thailand and had 100 matches within a day. Remarkable. I dunno if they were giving away sex, I'd guess not. But the match balance was in my favor.
/r/PurplePillDebate18/05/23 09:06 PM
–

Men are asked that all of the time, by women.
/r/PurplePillDebate17/05/23 04:36 PM
1

That's the whole point of Red Pill ideology.
/r/PurplePillDebate15/05/23 09:09 PM
4

They were compensated. They got a roof over their heads and meals to eat. Why should they continue to derive benefit from my sweat after they cheat on me and leave? Do those SAHM continue to have to provide a benefit to me, while I have to provide a benefit for them? I didn't cook or clean during the marriage, because I was busy bringing home the bacon. If my SAHW gets to continue to enjoy the success of my labors, why shouldn't I likewise expect that she will continue to provider hers? Why does…
/r/Divorce_Men15/05/23 07:22 AM
2

You my sympathy and support. I'm in the same position, although it looks like my obligation is lifetime. How I can be indentured to a job with the assumption of lifetime income? That's just taking granted my ability to produce, like it's a god given anointment. I think that's what women really think--we disappear for 50 hours a week and just come back with bags of money with no other effort required.
/r/Divorce_Men14/05/23 07:46 PM
1

Were any of those her choices?
/r/PurplePillDebate14/05/23 09:02 AM
3

So, being an adult? Anyway, you don't get to pick and choose the things that you should be accountable for. You need to be accountable for all of your choices. Men don't get a pass for any of their choices, and neither should women.
/r/PurplePillDebate14/05/23 05:49 AM
3

Advocating being accountable for your choices != hating, but in some quarters it amounts to the same, when being accountable hurts.
/r/PurplePillDebate13/05/23 08:21 PM
8

I've watched my share of JP and I haven't heard that criticism from him. I think you're constructing a strawman.
/r/PurplePillDebate13/05/23 08:19 PM
1

My Ex Is So ErRaTiC I HaD tO BuIlD a BaRrIcAdE will be her story to any sympathetic ears. Or, could be she's just crazy and delusionally paranoid, not helped by the fact that it gets her sympathy and attention.
/r/Divorce_Men10/05/23 04:18 AM
1

They get so weird when they go into "momma bear" As if that would stop you, if you were intent? And if not stop you, what was the point? BTW until there is a court order delimiting custody, you are within your rights to fetch and keep the kids yourself.
/r/Divorce_Men09/05/23 09:25 PM
1

What was it designed as? A fence or something? For me, personally, leaving the house was the best thing that I did. One of us would have ended up in jail if I didn't. She did wind up keeping it, but had enough other investment that she could buy me out of it, and I preferred the liquid value to the real estate equity anyway. I don't think it's always good advice.
/r/Divorce_Men09/05/23 07:03 PM
1

She erected a what-the-fuck? How did she source that, erect it, and attach it? All by herself?
/r/Divorce_Men09/05/23 06:38 PM
1

Fun fact that I didn't realize until much later: "Stacey" in the video is actually Taylor too. Which really sends the message that girls can choose to position themselves however they want, and that the narrator of the song is making a choice to be like that, it's not inherent.
/r/PurplePillDebate09/05/23 06:27 PM
8

https://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=based It's slang to mean "i think your premise is well grounded"
/r/PurplePillDebate08/05/23 04:48 PM
3

Congratulations.
/r/Divorce_Men07/05/23 05:52 PM
6

Your kids will always love you more, faults and all. Your faults are what make you endearing. Your kids will see right through the attempt to "buy their love" and will resent him the more for it. Just being you, and being sincere in your affection, is better than whatever flashy shit Chad McBucks can buy.
/r/Divorce_Men07/05/23 01:43 AM
5

Rule of thumb is one month per year together. It sounds like horseshit but at least in my case it was surprisingly accurate. Married for 25 years, over her in about 2 years. I actually remember the exact street corner I was walking down when my brain turned the corner. It was like a light switch; from that exact step I stopped focusing on the past and started focusing on the future (without her).
/r/Divorce_Men07/05/23 01:39 AM
1

Because if it was still available you could go there and find out yourself instead of depending on bystanders to interpret it for you. As it is, the best source of information, the proponents of the philosophy, have been [redacted].
/r/PurplePillDebate05/05/23 01:22 AM
3

And yet redpill is banned but FDS is not. Apparently reddit admins don't like men being selfish, but are ok with women being selfish.
/r/PurplePillDebate05/05/23 01:21 AM
1

certain objective, universal realities around female attraction and loyalty I think you have to add that RP proponents found these realities to be counterintuitive, or at least counter cultural. That is, what we've been told by both women and men about the nature of female's attraction is not what they are actually attracted to in practice. Why it's a problem and got many people up in a riot, is that no one likes being told that their actions don't match their words.
/r/PurplePillDebate05/05/23 01:18 AM
1

This is why banning subreddits, no matter how toxic they are perceived to be, is bad. I thought we all figured out 200 years ago that information wants to be free, which is why we made governmental censorship illegal.
/r/PurplePillDebate05/05/23 01:13 AM
5

I need help. Get therapy. A good one will tell you if you're being irrational, or if it's the rest of the world that's gone insane. I found mine to help me calibrate on if what I was feeling and experiencing was legit or if I needed to think through things more. You didn't share your age, but I think you'll find that it's a repeated theme in this thread that some women hit a point in their lives when their hormones make them clinically insane. It could be Mid Life Crisis, and she wants to be a t…
/r/Divorce_Men03/05/23 10:50 PM
6

I was married for 25 years. Naturally you depend on your partner as a trusted source of calibration--dear, am I thinking about this thing right? It's one of their most important roles in a relationship tbqh. But when you initiate a divorce, they not only are no longer reliable, they often have significant incentive to gaslight you into believing the opposite of truth even if they know the real answer. You have to start distrusting every thing that comes out of their mouth until you can independe…
/r/Divorce_Men03/05/23 08:08 PM
6

Don't take advice from your ex. You have to remember that she's now operating in protection of her life, which extends to gathering assets and resources. Although you have a history with her, that history is now null and void and she no longer has any interest in fairplay or your wellbeing. It doesn't matter what she thinks is ridiculous, and you should ignore her characterization of anything that's not to your benefit. The only thing that matters now is how a judge sees it, and she can explain …
/r/Divorce_Men03/05/23 04:49 PM
4

Tinder has made the perception of relationship matching to be superficial. But in my real world experience, people bond over many other qualities than what they get from a Tinder bio.
/r/PurplePillDebate27/04/23 08:07 AM
0

I happen to work at a FAANG and I'm tempted to take photos with my swag on, with my brand. It has a certain shall we social cache. Currently, my photo set deliberately omitted any use of my swag as I didn't want to attract women that would be attracted to that.
/r/Divorce_Men17/04/23 07:55 AM
1

The reason women don't like PUAs is simply that the strategies PUAs use go against what women outwardly say they want and the strategies work. Yep. Women don't like PUAs because they have a crafted self-image of who they want to be, but the effectiveness of PUA puts the lie to that self-image. And who likes being reminded that they aren't really who they think they are?
/r/PurplePillDebate16/04/23 06:15 PM
6

Even more succinct: no one likes to be reminded that they can be manipulated. Women especially, because women generally think that they are too smart to be manipulated. They aren't nearly as smart as they like to think.
/r/PurplePillDebate16/04/23 06:06 PM
3

No one is forcing you to play, you know.
/r/PurplePillDebate16/04/23 05:59 PM
35

If I had the answer to that, I'd be a billionaire. Although the answer is hire a hooker. It's more liberating than you'd think. The better answer is to learn to respect the monk life. There are things more important in life than getting jiggy, and it might be time for you to reconnect with it.
/r/Divorce_Men16/04/23 09:41 AM
1

my ex wife has to be on her 12-13 guy since our divorce 3 years ago lol. That's only if she was going slow. She coulda had that many dates a month if just Tindering and hooking up. Mine did, and I live in a small community. Even at 45.
/r/Divorce_Men15/04/23 08:33 PM
5

They're both active in the church, but I doubt that has much to do with it. I think that has more to do with it than we're willing to admit. I know an evangelical couple and they still split, so it's not a total panacea; but most of the devout couples that I know seem to have a lot less relationship drama than the ones that aren't. I don't think that's a good enough of a reason to be devout, but there does seem to be a correlation there. If your primary value is nuclear family units, church seem…
/r/Divorce_Men15/04/23 08:30 PM
2

Funny, I came here specifically to remind myself (a 53M) to keep my guard up around women. I'm easily beguiled, and I know it, so I need reminders to be watchful. I can't afford to be duped again.
/r/PurplePillDebate15/04/23 06:53 AM
3

You just want the "cool girl". You're goddam right, Amy. If you don't know how to set boundaries, is that my fault? Or yours? Maybe have the self-awareness to know what you want, and the courage to tell me. And if we separate over it, the autonomy to be on your own. Reading your mind for your true perspective is obviously not something I can do, so why you make it my fault when I fail to do it is flabbergasting. It was more important to Amy to be in a relationship than to have her desires heard …
/r/PurplePillDebate13/04/23 08:47 PM
14

Purely evil, but I don't think they are self aware of it. They project what they want to be true, without observing if it's actually true. "I want a guy that goes to the ballet and shares his feelings". Do you though? Funny, then, that romance novels do not feature those kinds of guys.
/r/PurplePillDebate13/04/23 08:42 PM
1

Don't be lonely, be active. Do the things you want to do on your own time. Surround yourself with friends, activities, hobbies, recreation. And, learn to be comfortable and happy being alone. Alone does not necessarily mean being lonely. Women can get sex easier than men, and always have. Fretting about it is like fretting about gravity. It's a physical fact of the universe and there is nothing you can do about it, besides live your best life. And most women have more choices, but they're also l…
/r/Divorce_Men12/04/23 08:52 PM
3

Congratulations!
/r/Divorce_Men11/04/23 06:18 AM
4

I dunno either way, but will someone explain to me why everyone reporting on tweets feels that it's necessary to retype what was just written in the tweet above? Do they think that posting a tweet garbles the letters or something, so they need to decode them for the reader at home? I have never understood and it makes me crazy.
/r/PurplePillDebate09/04/23 08:03 AM
10

You know good and well that the majority 18 - 22 year olds don’t know shit about the real world. No doubt, but I don't try to gatekeep their choices, either. How is a 45 year old man able to "take advantage" of a 19 year old woman, but we're not "taking advantage of" 19 year old men when we give them automatic rifles and send them off to die? Women that are > 18 year old have the ability to make their own choices in life, even if we can see from the benefit of older age that often those choices …
/r/PurplePillDebate07/04/23 06:33 PM
1

It's all about "following your feelings" until the math comes down. They're so annoyed when they can't just take our ability to provide for granted. Go live your own life but do it on your own dime.
/r/Divorce_Men28/03/23 03:41 PM
1

she is right, there is no way she can afford a house and take care of them. And neither can you. She will need to sell the house and downsize her own life just as you are contemplating having to downsize your own living arrangement.
/r/Divorce_Men27/03/23 09:15 PM
7

You know why.
/r/Divorce_Men25/03/23 05:22 PM
4

Arguably she’s doing it for self esteem which is not a direct infidelity threat, Actually sleeping with those guys would be even more validating, right? while he’s doing it to simp for women so that is a direct infidelity threat. Maybe the dude wants to be validated by receiving passive attention from a pretty young girl?
/r/PurplePillDebate24/03/23 05:29 PM
3

This is an under rated point. By the nature of making a commitment, you each give up certain amount of liberty in exchange for security. I think we can all agree that outside of ENM you don't cheat on your partner when you're committed; that is also giving up a previously enjoyed freedom. Posting thirst traps are part of that spectrum. If you don't want to give up any of your freedoms, don't commit.
/r/PurplePillDebate24/03/23 05:26 PM
0

Oooh! Let's do bodycount next! Can a woman sleep with whomever she wants? Sure! But can a man also decide not to commit to a woman with a high bodycount? Doesn't he also have the freedom to set his own preferences, and doesn't owe his commitment to anyone, based on any criteria that he choses?
/r/PurplePillDebate24/03/23 05:21 PM
1

They want someone that they perceive to be intelligent because, in turn, it makes them feel intelligent. Not unlike a dude believing that if he can land an attractive chick, he, too, must be attractive. Regardless if he had to pay for the chick or no.
/r/PurplePillDebate24/03/23 06:15 AM
2

Agree. But mob justice doesn't qualify.
/r/PurplePillDebate22/03/23 01:45 AM
0

Rape culture is the normalisation of sexual assault. Men face it a lot too. If you think that male pedophiles "deserve to be raped in prison", congratulations, you're a contributor to rape culture.
/r/PurplePillDebate22/03/23 01:37 AM
3

3 1/2 hours for a video cast? FML I got shit to do, to only listen to some kind of circle jerk confirmation bias. I mean, really? I'd rather spend my time on a ted talk.
/r/PurplePillDebate22/03/23 01:34 AM
5

I am hesitant because it took me those two years to finally get to a point I could see myself moving on. Don't go backwards. But it boils down to her regretting what she did, so I am supposed to regret what I did. That I should regret sleeping with this other woman and that it hurt her. She's projecting and manipulating you. She has given every indication that she doesn't think that your feelings are valid, she's the main character of her own story and you're just an ornament to it. Should I fee…
/r/Divorce_Men21/03/23 03:41 PM
1

Men getting the ick is just as ok as women getting the ick. I think I just agree with your last paragraph. I don't have to justify shit, I don't owe anyone anything--if I don't like your n count, or the color of your socks, I'm out and no amount of telling me that my ick don't count won't get me back in.
/r/PurplePillDebate20/03/23 06:27 AM
26

Once you learn to be comfortable on your own, a great many people lose the power to control you.
/r/PurplePillDebate16/03/23 05:04 AM
1

Take the additional days, and document it. Eventually seek a custody modification to make it permanent, and then seek child support from her accordingly.
/r/Divorce_Men06/03/23 08:12 PM
3

at 12 in kind of an alarming way. I don't think that losing your virginity at 12 can be anything other than very alarming.
/r/PurplePillDebate04/03/23 12:50 AM
8

I think 12 is pretty reasonable actually, almost for any age over 20. I'd get concerned only if it's above about 50. Then I think you might have different ideas about transactional sex.
/r/PurplePillDebate04/03/23 12:48 AM
2

My only difference was that ex was romanced by girls instead of another dude. I think it's because it's easier for her to get attention from girls than guys, essentially.
/r/Divorce_Men03/03/23 07:20 PM
1

If OP's friend wants to test the boundaries of this relationship, he should give his room mate the night off and hire an escort. If she flips out, he's in trouble. If she's relieved and grateful, then I guess it's a mutually beneficial transaction.
/r/PurplePillDebate20/02/23 05:43 PM
17

Or, she's a sugarbabe but y, either way. This isn't what I'd label a FWB, as they're not friends. Also your friend needs to be careful about common law marriage. He could wind up finding himself married and then she'd be entitled to the benefits of marriage, such as community property. He'd do better to have her on a lease, with rent, even if he forgives it. Then if she tries to change the terms of the arrangement he can evict her like any tenant.
/r/PurplePillDebate20/02/23 05:37 PM
2

Well, she said that I needed to accept that she was a bisexual polyamorist now, who still wouldn't work, or we're done. So, that made it easy to be done. It was her final gift.
/r/Divorce_Men17/02/23 06:21 PM
3

The last few women that I have dated have insisted on paying their half. I'm in my 50s, dating 50 year olds, who all have their own thing going by now.
/r/PurplePillDebate17/02/23 03:52 AM
1

Leave with the kid. You currently have as much right to the kid as she does, and it'll prevent her from trying to leave the country with him. She'll file for custody, but if you fight you're likely to get 50/50 and she'll have to keep the kid in NY.
/r/Divorce_Men13/02/23 12:57 AM
2

Ok, fair. His brother is not, though. I had confused the two.
/r/PurplePillDebate03/02/23 03:22 AM
2

You think so little of women that you feel like you're doing a public service reminding them that they don't have to like what they don't like?
/r/PurplePillDebate02/02/23 10:53 PM
1

Why do manosphere men try to convince women I'm not familiar with the manosphere expecting that they have any women in their audience at all. I'm not trying to convince you to go along with anything at all. If you're a young women and you don't want to be kept in a harem managed by an older man, then don't. If there are women that do, allow them to follow their own preferences. You're allowed to not like things. Men are also allowed to like things, even things that you don't like. So what? What'…
/r/PurplePillDebate02/02/23 10:33 PM
1

And?
/r/PurplePillDebate02/02/23 10:26 PM
2

You should probably just ignore people that bring up other people as some of role model, especially when they know nothing about that person other than public persona. You'd be a lot happier in life if you did.
/r/PurplePillDebate02/02/23 10:26 PM
0

It’s terrifying. The fact is that without his money Harry is no better than a 4, and Markle wouldn't have let him hold open a door for her let alone get married. I have no pity for Harry.
/r/PurplePillDebate02/02/23 10:15 PM
2

Having a preference for young women makes them selfish? Are you entitled to their dick? Are they with holding something that you think that you deserve by rights?
/r/PurplePillDebate02/02/23 10:10 PM
1

What's your point? Some men want a young harem, some men don't. And? Those men that prefer young women aren't "shaming" women by expressing their preferences. Their preference is a fact, and bleating about how not all men are like that isn't going to make older women suddenly attractive to the men that prefer young women. Older women can feel about that anyway they like--shame, or indifference because they're not a match, whatever. But that's a feeling for women to own, not men.
/r/PurplePillDebate02/02/23 10:09 PM
3

I need to get some rest so I can continue to completely out earn you. Proving their point? I'm going to need to have your claim peer reviewed before I believe it.
/r/PurplePillDebate02/02/23 07:18 AM
8

/u/Bangmade made none of those claims. They asserted a fact, you asked for a source, they provided one. Dispute the source all you want, but you haven't actually done that. You've just simply moved the goalposts because you're too enmeshed in your victim fantasy to be reasonable.
/r/PurplePillDebate02/02/23 07:17 AM
2

She's going to get a rude awakening when she realizes that you will get 50/50 custody if you want it, preventing her ability to move; and that, with that basis, you will also get child support and even perhaps alimony. And you should absolutely seek all three things.
/r/Divorce_Men29/01/23 09:40 PM
1

Is it really that dangerous, or is that just the narrative?
/r/PurplePillDebate28/01/23 09:25 PM
2

Immediately before getting divorced I knew roughly what the next 15 years were going to look like. The week after, my time frame collapsed to literally the next day. It over time grew and re-expanded again, but it was definitely a process of rebuilding desire, planning for those desires, and realigning my goals. It was frankly one of the hardest points of the process. I know what I want to do in 5 years now, and it took 3 years to get here. Any further out than that I still don't quite know.
/r/Divorce_Men23/01/23 11:24 PM
6

LTR? Sure, why not. But we don't mix finances and we sure as shit will never get married. I'm pretty leery of even moving in together.
/r/Divorce_Men18/01/23 05:30 AM
3

The key is to remove emotion. Logistical information only, without allusion or interpretation.
/r/Divorce_Men10/01/23 08:49 PM
26

Exactly. She's providing herself justification to cover her own guilt, you're just a bystander. This isn't about you. Grey rock her.
/r/Divorce_Men10/01/23 09:43 AM
13

it’s a lot more complicated and nuanced ma'am this is a Wendy's
/r/PurplePillDebate04/01/23 07:33 PM
2

Which is why the 80/20 rule. The 20 are pursued but the rest of men are ignored as less than human.
/r/PurplePillDebate27/12/22 09:12 PM
-1

What's your point? This is a tremendous advantage for the alimony receiver, which is generally the woman.
/r/PurplePillDebate27/12/22 04:05 PM
8

The next time you get the kids, keep them. Pick them up from school if you have to. Rotations end until there is a custody order in place.
/r/Divorce_Men23/12/22 04:05 PM
5

I don't believe that the cops will intervene.
/r/Divorce_Men23/12/22 04:03 PM
4

That was my calculation too. I'm paying an egregious amount to my ex, but if I fled not only could I not come back to the US, but I'd completely lose access to my kids too. I frankly don't think I could live with myself if I did that.
/r/Divorce_Men15/12/22 06:44 PM
-2

Are you brain damaged? "Anyone thinking of dating a single mom?" is the question to the male subscribers of of Divorce_Men, which is dedicated to "address[ing] the unique challenges facing men during divorce". Women are going to lurk, but the question was not directed to them. They have their own groups to provide feedback.
/r/Divorce_Men13/12/22 05:13 PM
14

No one asked you.
/r/Divorce_Men13/12/22 06:32 AM
2

The guy always has options. He can simply dip and be happily single. Having a women is not a requirement. If you think that it is, you're in a bad negotiating position.
/r/PurplePillDebate12/12/22 06:51 PM
4

Tell her "no". The end.
/r/Divorce_Men12/12/22 06:49 PM
2

How is is that you only get an hour with them? Why would they fight over a call with their mother? I feel like this is missing context.
/r/Divorce_Men11/12/22 08:23 PM
11

Never interrupt an enemy when they are making a mistake. Allow her to give you more custody time. Get it in writing. And, after that's signed and sealed, make sure to amend the child support order. If incomes are equal she could wind up paying you.
/r/Divorce_Men09/12/22 05:57 AM
1

Stop talking to your ex. You might as well be talking to a golden retriever. You can't reason your way into something that reason didn't get you into in the first place. There is no explanation for your ex's behavior that will make any kind of rational sense because she's not only divorcing you, but she's also divorcing herself from objective reality. I'm not going to sugar coat it and try to swallow the same crazy pills that she's taking just to make it make sense.
/r/Divorce_Men18/11/22 09:03 PM
5

She'll be happy to reap the rewards of his focus, however.
/r/Divorce_Men03/11/22 11:59 PM
3

Shooting sperm != masculinity. They have literally nothing to do with each other.
/r/Divorce_Men02/11/22 05:27 PM
1

I have a friend that had some swimmers extracted after getting a V, and successfully had a new child with a new wife. The procedure quite frankly sounded horrific, but it can and has been done. That said, as a 52M myself, I can't imagine starting over at this point in my life with a new babe. I was snipped about 10 years ago after my last kid and, while it was psych weird for about a year with the concept of shooting blanks, I got over that quickly enough and couldn't be happier.
/r/Divorce_Men02/11/22 05:26 PM
1

I've definitely observed those traits with my 17 yo teenage son. I'm a little worried, quite frankly--I'd prefer to be available to him as he goes through his first relationships, and learns love and heartbreak. As it is, it appears that he'll encounter those first at college (or later). That said, part of my post-divorce growth has been to focus less on only considering yourself whole if you have a partner; I think you need to be full actuated first. So I've stopped hounding him about his roman…
/r/PurplePillDebate01/11/22 08:51 PM
15

Moved 3 hours away just assuming she'd get primary? And then can't support that contention? lol too rich. If you get primary make sure to countersue her for child support as well. She's basically abandoned the kids.
/r/Divorce_Men31/10/22 04:38 PM
1

Prenups purportedly don't work. I have less issue with sharing the accumulated wealth from the marriage, as we both were present for it's creation. I do have an issue with "continuing to support someone in the lifestyle to which they've become accustomed"--why do they enjoy that privilege when none of the other privileges of being married transfer? Not even the tax deduction from supporting two people? And once again that liability is regardless of who cheats. The SAHM can cheat, and then take 1…
/r/PurplePillDebate26/10/22 09:37 PM
1

So that's a no, then. I know why the divorce courts got out of trying to assess blame--it would be messy, and sordid, and everyone suffers. I can't imagine being a judge looking at my 1000th dirty picture taken by a PI that year and just seeing hurt and tears behind it. Then again, there is literally no reason for a non-working spouse not to cheat, and that's usually the woman--just not in this case. If there's no protection against your spouse destroying your marriage, and it can even be demons…
/r/PurplePillDebate21/10/22 10:06 PM
2

So you're a proponent of at-fault divorces, then?
/r/PurplePillDebate21/10/22 09:50 PM
1

The most astonishing thing to me about this settlement is that he couldn't have her killed for less than $25B. I can't imagine what her security detail would have been like between her discovery and the receipt of the money.
/r/PurplePillDebate20/10/22 10:05 PM
1

As someone whose parents grew a modest fortune and my mother “staying at home” for parts of it. She did a LOT of work. One example does not prove the general, default, case.
/r/PurplePillDebate20/10/22 10:03 PM
1

If men don’t want to risk paying a lot of money post divorce, don’t marry women That's the end of that sentence. You can't make your spouse work, or stay working, after marriage either.
/r/PurplePillDebate20/10/22 10:00 PM
4

-She would have gotten the same amount even if she cheated. -She would have gotten the same amount if neither cheated. -If Mackenzie was the earner, and he cheated on her, he would have gotten 1/2 regardless. Do you agree that that should be legal as well? -You have no idea how much or how little she contributed. There are lots of first employees that don't wind up with 1/2 of the company.
/r/PurplePillDebate20/10/22 09:56 PM
17

Knowing a trad wife, who cheated on her husband and then got remarried, was eye opening. She's so religious that she wouldn't let her son play DnD with my son, but no so religious that having sex on the beach with a stranger on holiday isn't going to send her to hell. Makes no sense to me.
/r/Divorce_Men08/10/22 09:10 PM
3

I am cynical in the general but generally happy with the specific. I tell myself that my cynicism is a useful tool to watch for red flag traits in women of interest, this time, but I might just be a sexist. Some of my friends have recoiled from some of my grossest generalizations. I dunno. It's probably not healthy but I give myself some latitude to be scarred by my divorce. For one thing, I have no patience for the victimization myth that seems to be prevalent among the vast majority of women. …
/r/Divorce_Men08/10/22 09:08 PM
2

I am not sure why this is so hard to understand Because dudes are wired differently, simply put. It's as hard for dudes to understand why many women prefer a relationship as it is for women to understand why many dudes, even the majority, don't really require one either. Honestly, I'm not really sure if those differences are biological or societal in basis, and there are exceptions to both rules that make it complicated.
/r/PurplePillDebate05/10/22 06:53 PM
6

That's just not correct.
/r/PurplePillDebate05/10/22 06:50 PM
25

Maybe that's true, but aren't dudes that you want to bring home either. You'd worry about being murdered, or even simply having your shit stolen and getting hurt. I know personally some women that can't get laid because they're both a) heavy, and b) have some kind of reasonable standard, even if it's for 6s. They remain desperately lonely. Suggesting that those women "go down the bar with a fuck me hat" is like suggesting that incel men could solve their problems by walking down to skid row and …
/r/PurplePillDebate05/10/22 06:46 PM
0

So #1 will pretend to love me, and #2 simply might eventually pretend to love me. Neither sounds like something I'd want to bet 1/2 of my savings on. The fact is that there is no "least bad" option that needs to be taken. The clear option is to remain unmarried for as long as it takes to remove any doubts about love both now and in the future, and fidelity both now and in the future. If a partner's history precludes that kind of assurance then they shouldn't ever expect that they can be married.
/r/PurplePillDebate29/09/22 05:07 PM
9

Serious question: how many women are in the church that haven't been promiscuous, ever? There are plenty that were promiscuous and then "found Jesus" later. Perhaps they're more likely to stay resolute than ones that never even attempted to change their ways.
/r/PurplePillDebate29/09/22 12:00 AM
1

He doesn't want to engage the conversation because he has kinks that he doesn't want to share, would be my guess.
/r/PurplePillDebate24/09/22 06:23 PM
0

This is all just a bunch of words. I have had female friends tell me exactly this: they expect 6' and a 6 pack. This is not some mere projection.
/r/PurplePillDebate23/09/22 04:42 PM
1

A lot more men would be very depressed, probably to point of checking out of society, if they were made abjectly aware of how far out of the game they were.
/r/PurplePillDebate23/09/22 05:20 AM
6

she has no where to go. That's now her problem. She can treat her love for you like a luxury while she retains the conveniences of being married; the sooner you end that the sooner she will have to grow up and be an adult that's responsible for her own choices. You have as much right to the house and kids as she does. Her not having any other options is a problem of her own making that she will need to solve for on her own.
/r/Divorce_Men19/09/22 07:52 PM
3

Ignore the ex still giving you parenting advice. You don't need to argue it, you just ignore it. If you wanted to continue to have a dynamic we should have stayed in a relationship. Since now we're not, I'm as equal a parent as you and I get to make sole decisions on my time, period.
/r/Divorce_Men16/09/22 06:57 PM
3

Mom was told that she has de facto "sole legal custody". She probably was told that, even by people in authority. A lot of people continue to believe it, even those that should know better. A lot of moms take the approach that the kids are theirs and only "allow" dad to see it as it suits them. Judy is based for calling that out. But the CW is still against her.
/r/Divorce_Men12/09/22 05:35 PM
2

It gives me perspective on what to expect from the dating market. That's pretty much the whole reason.
/r/PurplePillDebate19/08/22 04:38 PM
8

Nothing gives me a harder boner than men seeking child support from women that earn more than they do. What's good for the gander is good for the goose.
/r/Divorce_Men18/08/22 11:02 PM
1

I always worry about the state I’ll leave her in One of the big advantages of divorce that you no longer have to spare a thought on her problems. How she copes is how she copes. She was adult enough to have a kid and get married; she's old enough to balance a checkbook. Divorcing naturally requires a reduction in lifestyle for both people, because you have the same income going to support two homes, not just one. She may have to adjust her expectations, at least until she shacks up again.
/r/Divorce_Men17/08/22 06:06 PM
1

The unknown is scary. You have no idea the challenges you'll face! Whereas if you stay, although you'll have challenges, you at least know what they are and that you were able to negotiate them in the past. There is a lot to unpack here: the finances, how the kid will react, how your own emotional state will cope. I'm fortunate in that I don't get lonely, but if one does then you have a legit concern of perhaps being lonely for the rest of your life. I do get horny, and for awhile I was concerne…
/r/Divorce_Men17/08/22 04:24 PM
12

Why on earth did you offer CS when you had that kind of income disparity.
/r/Divorce_Men17/08/22 02:07 AM
1

She would have lost but I would have lost in money spent in defense. She has taught me that if she files that she proceeds to lose, that I should also sue for legal costs. Which makes spurious claims more expensive.
/r/Divorce_Men17/08/22 12:41 AM
3

No shit, right? "Leaving my best life" apparently includes getting that life funded by someone that is otherwise not part of the picture. Funny how that best life so rarely includes working for a living.
/r/Divorce_Men16/08/22 07:23 PM
11

I think I saw your post. Right on, stand your ground. The projection is perfect. I don't want anything, hun. This is your decision, and you're in the process of making it. But at least have the courage of character to own it.
/r/Divorce_Men16/08/22 01:17 AM
7

Never seems to be.
/r/Divorce_Men16/08/22 12:40 AM
11

That is true facts. Look at all of the women that intend to move with their kids after divorce, and then are told that no, the kids share time and if you move you forfeit. They think that their life comes first, and that the kids are an extension of their life; but that dads are just ornaments.
/r/Divorce_Men16/08/22 12:40 AM
2

Courts will decide what's in the best interest of the kid, but that's generally in the balance of stability--where their school and friends are. The gender of the parent is (not supposed) to be a factor. ie just because she's mom she doesn't get default fuck off with the kid. A lot of moms think that though, and a lot of courts disagree when there is an involved father present. It can depend on how long the kid is with mom before dad files a motion; time is not on his side.
/r/Divorce_Men15/08/22 09:49 PM
3

So now she’s saying she’ll have to move 1.5 hours away to her parents house. That will make it damn near impossible to see my kid during the week. She can move, but the kid stays with you. If stbxw wants to see the kid, she'll have to make the journey on her own.
/r/Divorce_Men15/08/22 04:45 PM
1

a mutual agreement
/r/Divorce_Men11/08/22 04:44 PM
6

They can be upset and disappointed. I even agreed in my post. "Not getting your way" is not the same as being "punished". That's just getting bad news. They can wish that something could have developed, but it didn't, oh well. What was lost besides a possible future that only existed in their heads?
/r/PurplePillDebate11/08/22 06:48 AM
8

So punish I sincerely don't understand why consensual sex = "punishment". You can be disappointed the relationship didn't work out, but is that the same as being punished? Do women not enjoy sex? If they do, why not live in the moment and not expect anything else to happen tomorrow?
/r/PurplePillDebate11/08/22 05:30 AM
8

Prepare for her to cry poverty to the kids and then make you out to be the bad guy for not rescuing their mom.
/r/Divorce_Men09/08/22 06:58 AM
7

"not focusing on women" != misogynistic
/r/PurplePillDebate05/08/22 08:42 PM
6

They hate it because they can't control it.
/r/PurplePillDebate05/08/22 04:50 PM
2

You're comparing annual salaries with sales price of the house.
/r/Divorce_Men04/08/22 01:44 AM
5

I agree with others here: you need to leave. That said, be prepared for a surprise at tax time. When you go from filing jointly to filing as a single, and one earner has much higher income, about twice as much of your income will now be taxed at the highest bracket. and if you can't afford a house with nearly $500K/year, dude wtf.
/r/Divorce_Men03/08/22 07:30 PM
3

Alimony will end with a remarriage or cohabitation State dependent. That apparently is not a given in my state.
/r/Divorce_Men03/08/22 07:26 PM
1

Most don't extradite, especially Asia or other third world countries. However, most don't allow indefinite stays either--best I've seen is Thailand, which you can get a long visa with the right money and visa, but can still be revoked at 10 years. If they revoke you need to have a backup plan. You also will still need to file US income tax, and I can only assume that they would pay any alimony arrears out of whatever refund you are owed. Frankly I don't know the consequences of not paying your i…
/r/Divorce_Men29/07/22 10:36 PM
8

Remind her that if she causes you to lose your income, not only will you be less likely to pay her alimony, but if she also works and then consequently has a higher income than you, she could wind up paying you alimony. Even though you were the one that cheated. It is to her advantage to support your career and therefore income development.
/r/Divorce_Men29/07/22 05:26 PM
1

There are tax benefits, and in many places it allows you to put her on your healthcare. That said, I do not think it's worth the risk and would advise any one against it.
/r/Divorce_Men28/07/22 06:50 PM
4

We really could put that sentence on the sub masthead.
/r/PurplePillDebate25/07/22 07:53 PM
3

Mine is $6030. I'm pretty sure I'll win this thread beofre even reading the rest of the comments. She fucked herself though, by going to the state to garnish my wages. Apparently due to state law, she can't take more than 50% of my net, which is about $1500 less than that award. It'll accumulate in an arrears balance, but that's a fight for another day.
/r/Divorce_Men23/07/22 08:57 PM
–

Most women are just average too. That's simply a fact.
/r/PurplePillDebate21/07/22 06:23 PM
3

You no longer have to adapt your schedule to her demands. 50/50 means shared responsibility; you should demand that she make concessions herself. If she doesn't, she'll either lose custody (and pay you Child Support) or the judge will dictate her schedule, and make child care her problem.
/r/Divorce_Men20/07/22 04:22 PM
2

Most men are not in the top 20% of attractiveness, it's true.
/r/PurplePillDebate20/07/22 04:04 PM
10

Most men do not have more than one option at a time.
/r/PurplePillDebate20/07/22 07:28 AM
9

That's basically the definition of hypergamy. I'd have thought that you wouldn't unmatch until you were sure it wasn't a fit because of FOMO and couldn't spin plates, but there it is.
/r/PurplePillDebate20/07/22 07:27 AM
1

I thought about this, but people would just use multiple apps at the same time. The issue with OLD dating is that there are no stakes. You (both) need to have some skin in the game for the match to have value. Since the match is disposable, individuals become disposable at the slightest whim. I figured, wouldn't it be great if you could only have one match at a time? Therefore, you'd have a stake: every swipe you could match, but then you couldn't see any one else until you deliberately matched,…
/r/PurplePillDebate20/07/22 07:24 AM
1

I were married to a guy who travels a lot for work I’d get to go with him Not if you have your own career that doesn't allow for that kind of time; or even if you have to pay your own way. People that travel for work--and I do--usually have those expenses covered by their employer (or even can expense it to the business if independent). But bringing along a spouse has to be paid for individually, which means paying for and budgeting for a vacation. Often to less than desirable spots.
/r/PurplePillDebate18/07/22 07:20 PM
0

Even cheaper in Thailand. A call girl (requested online, not picked up off the street so considered higher quality) was about $150 for two hours. It's not technically legal there either, it's just everyone turns a blind eye to it because men are assumed to have needs that their wives can't or won't fulfill.
/r/PurplePillDebate15/07/22 07:10 PM
1

non SW women are not sleeping with them If the price for SW became more normalized, non-SW women would be more conscious of the value of their sex. Like, right now it's not just a $ value, it's also a crime. But if it's strictly a $ value I think there would be more of a tendency to be cognizant of that value even when giving it away. Like, "was this dinner worth the market value of letting him sleep with me? $75 in dinner when I could have charged anyone $350 for sexual favors?"
/r/PurplePillDebate15/07/22 06:59 PM
1

Ignore any thing else that your STBXW says. You only respond to what your lawyer says to respond to, and for the rest she can get fucked.
/r/Divorce_Men13/07/22 04:04 PM
–

Missing half of my penis from a botched surgery is basically a forced celibacy lol I am also circumcised, and therefore "missing 1/2 my penis" but I'm not celibate. You have a victim complex you need to consider, it's not doing you any favors.
/r/PurplePillDebate12/07/22 04:56 PM
–

Participating in society != being a virgin. Still being a virgin at 30 != being a "hermit outcast". 30 ain't that old, yo. I reject the premise.
/r/PurplePillDebate12/07/22 04:54 PM
1

So to answer your question, I'm well aware and I still don't know what she did. I'm not doubting the energy--it appeared to take real commitment. I do question the need for it. If she felt like it needed to cleaned to a higher standard that I did, ok, but at that point she's being self-serving and I don't think I need to respect that any more than she would respect the points I got in a video game.
/r/PurplePillDebate10/07/22 06:01 PM
4

Sure. Now that I'm divorced I'm responsible for my own bathroom. It gets cleaned when it needs it, and it's fine.
/r/PurplePillDebate10/07/22 05:51 PM
4

Whatever the fuck it was that my did when she "deep-cleaned". Comet on the bathroom counter once in awhile is really pretty much sufficient. We're not doing surgery in there, it's where we take our shits.
/r/PurplePillDebate10/07/22 05:36 PM
7

if men could stop using terms like virgin and incel I hear more women do this than men, personally. It's like women are shaming men into becoming fuckbois, and then are pissed about the broken hearts that that those fuckbois create.
/r/PurplePillDebate09/07/22 12:36 AM
18

take some kind of action to limit women's freedom I was with you right up until this point. There are other things you can do well before you get to that point, such as: -acknowledgement of the need for better understanding and treatment of men's mental health. Even more encouragement of men's social circles, etc. -simply removing the concept of "if you don't sleep with many women, you are a low value loser" from the concept of society. In fact, the opposite is actually often the most true--men …
/r/PurplePillDebate08/07/22 09:47 PM
1

She'll probably refuse to stop drinking, and therefore refuse to sign your post nups. In particular the verbal agreement about the crypto will probably be ignored. Not drawing salary after Jan may or may not be relevant based on when the filing is; if it's anytime next year it probably won't help. You need a more significant gap of employment for it to count, like several years.
/r/Divorce_Men06/07/22 04:09 PM
5

No, you might not be able to force them, but you'd still have 50/50 for child support calculations. Also, who knows what the kids really want. That would be up for the judge to figure out with them directly.
/r/Divorce_Men03/07/22 06:48 PM
1

I'll post here for everyone to see it and be aware: in the US we have a "progressive" tax system. You probably know this. (These are invented numbers to make my point simplified) the first 50K you make is taxed at like 15%. The next 25K (75K total income) you make is taxed at 20%. The next 25K (100k total income) you make is taxed at 25%. And so on. When you're married, all of those thresholds double. So you can make 100K and still be at just the 15% tax rate. There is a BIG difference having 10…
/r/Divorce_Men02/07/22 08:13 PM
2

Don't forget the tax analysis. You get to claim basically 2X as much in a lower tax bracket being married than you do single. That's the big difference; also the deduction. I can break this down for you if it needs explaining. But it was a big surprise to me when I got divorced. If you can protect yourself from her debt being legally separated might be a good move.
/r/Divorce_Men02/07/22 12:36 AM
2

You might be correct...for now. But unless you have something in writing, she can and probably will wreck your credit, and you could very well be jointly responsible for any debt that she runs up. I think that's state dependent. In some states, if she gets pregnant while you are married, you are automatically assumed to be the father and would have to play child support--even if you haven't touched her for years.
/r/Divorce_Men01/07/22 08:12 PM
8

"we don't accept reality, we prefer fantasy" she's talking about some ur-male construct that never existed.
/r/PurplePillDebate01/07/22 05:46 PM
1

He apparently only defines polygamy in terms of multiple partners for the male, however, and doesn't consider polygamy as ever being multiple males for one female. Which is what we're seeing more of now, both in committed and non-committed relationships.
/r/PurplePillDebate28/06/22 06:47 PM
0

I understand that there's a technical difference, but I think there's a strong correlation between RP and PUA. Negging and etc other mind games.
/r/PurplePillDebate28/06/22 03:55 PM
19

Women prefer men who "just get it." That's just like saying that women shouldn't wear makeup. Natural beauty, and natural charm, are pretty much myths.
/r/PurplePillDebate26/06/22 08:55 PM
4

If you get married make sure she is the 5%. There is no way to guarantee that. You'd basically have to hide your assets your entire relationship, which is not tenable.
/r/Divorce_Men25/06/22 07:15 PM
8

The situation is Japan is overblown A population contraction of 650,000 / year is overblown? That's like one major city per year being wiped off the map. And it tends to be self-reinforcing effect. https://www.washingtonpost.com/world/2022/06/03/japan-low-births-population-decline-2021/
/r/PurplePillDebate25/06/22 06:33 PM
0

Why should they be forced to take on a man they don’t want? They shouldn't. But if all that women value are superficial qualities, they will see most men as being a burden on their lives instead of enriching it in abstract ways.
/r/PurplePillDebate25/06/22 06:30 PM
2

The argument that Roe Vs Wade should have gone through government makes sense. If you could actually get anything through. The fact that it didn't get through is the decision itself.
/r/PurplePillDebate24/06/22 05:49 PM
3

No offense, but people like you that slept through their high school civics class and only tune in on headline political issues is exactly what's wrong with our democratic process. If you legit don't know how and why those political practices were formed, read a book.
/r/PurplePillDebate24/06/22 05:47 PM
3

Women are gonna be even more selective in who they have sex with now. I think that that is the actual intent of the conservative cultural zeitgeist.
/r/PurplePillDebate24/06/22 05:43 PM
3

So much for the issue being high inflation and gas prices. The GOP has very probably snatched defeat out of the jaws of victory. They will be astonished in the fall when an overwhelming majority of Americans choose their individual liberty and lifestyle choices over economic issues. The Democrats will retain control of the House, and Biden, as lackluster as he is, may now actually win his second term. On this issue alone.
/r/PurplePillDebate24/06/22 05:40 PM
1

That doesn't even address the difference between picking someone up for a ONS vs. looking for a long term relationship. The fact is that women look for different things at different times, and if you follow the advice given to be a ONS when what a man actually wants is a LTR then they're going to get off on the wrong foot at best.
/r/PurplePillDebate23/06/22 07:54 PM
0

I found the first thing to be really valuable to me, actually. I don't think I actually swiped right on any of the ladies that swiped right on me, but they were definitely my first look to see who was already interested, instead of looking for the 3% match rate from OP.
/r/PurplePillDebate20/06/22 09:03 PM
1

Well it does allow you to see who already swiped you, so if you're a male and looking for needles in haystacks, you can see if anyone has already identified themselves as a needle. Also, you can teleport to another region. Men should send themselves to Thailand for a week just to get a validation hit.
/r/PurplePillDebate20/06/22 08:28 PM
14

they want to say it isn't that big a deal It's not that big of a deal anymore. Because it's so easy and plentiful that the novelty has worn off. I can imagine being in that situation--if I could bang strange 3X a week with low effort, the novelty could wear off for me too. But that hasn't happened so the novelty is not likely to ever wear off either. The greater mystery to me are women that screw unavailable men, when there are so many other options available to them.
/r/PurplePillDebate20/06/22 08:21 PM
42

This is not the end of the world. We know what's going to happen: we can see it happening in Japan now. Those men will age out, and die virgins if they don't pay for it. Women won't be bothered to take on the burdens of marriage, and we'll have a population implosion.
/r/PurplePillDebate17/06/22 06:11 AM
1

I'm pretty pro SW, frankly, and I think it can serve a valuable need and should be decrim. But JFC OP. You want me to source for you the last 1000 years of romantic poetry that describes real human connection? You want me to justify to you the value of having a life partner with whom you can laugh, and cry, and commiserate, and celebrate? You want to grow old together, raise kids or pets? If all you want is sex a SW is a valid option. There are times in my life that I just wanted sex and it work…
/r/PurplePillDebate16/06/22 04:52 PM
1

Women aren't NPCs that you can interact with in a certain way to get the quest. You should probably start by grokking that understanding, first.
/r/PurplePillDebate15/06/22 05:04 PM
1

Nope. If you were still legally married she had every right to file married filing separately.
/r/Divorce_Men13/06/22 06:26 PM
2

https://www.google.com/travel/flights/search?tfs=CBwQAhoqag4IAxIKL20vMDMwcWIzdBIKMjAyMi0wNy0xN3IMCAMSCC9tLzBmbjJnGipqDAgDEggvbS8wZm4yZxIKMjAyMi0wNy0yNHIOCAMSCi9tLzAzMHFiM3RwAYIBCwj___________8BQAFIAZgBAQ R/T to bangkok is literally less than the price of 1.5 hrs with a domestic SW. And once you're there top quality is like $150 for two hours. And there is other things to do during the day as well, like eat amazing food and see amazing things. I will say that I had the spectrum of experience ther…
/r/Divorce_Men12/06/22 07:31 AM
-1

Being a stay at home parents is always a mutual decision lol. That's not remotely true. One person can just...stop working. And then the spouse is actually required to support them after a divorce.
/r/PurplePillDebate09/06/22 07:15 PM
0

The question is when will men get fed up as a whole. When men give up on getting laid. IE, never. If we were to legalize sex work I fully believe the dating market would be turned on its head. It'd be more socially acceptable for men to pay for a pro once a month and be happily single the rest of the time. If women would be more or less happy with the dynamic I'm not sure, actually.
/r/PurplePillDebate09/06/22 07:09 PM
1

It won't. We'll be Japan in a generation, with lonely sexless people and and a population implosion because no one is having matching and having babies.
/r/PurplePillDebate09/06/22 07:07 PM
3

Frankly, and I can't say this strongly enough, I really don't give a shit what those women think. You can't shame me into me sharing my time with anyone I don't want to, and your attempt to do so speaks volumes about your sense of entitlement.
/r/PurplePillDebate07/06/22 06:06 PM
3

Losing my shit about aggravations. I thought it was a defining character trait. It was, but not in the way that I thought. I hardly ever do anymore, frankly. I laugh way more stuff off and I don't remember the last time that I actually got so spun up that I lost my sense of humor.
/r/Divorce_Men07/06/22 05:59 PM
0

I had so many guys asking me out it got crazy Seriously: how do you choose? Their looks, the feels you get, their resume? As a divorced guy in his 50s, I've don't ok dating even still. But I've also gone a year single, and I'm fairly well established etc. To put a fine point on it, while I've been in long term mono relationships after getting divorced, I've also never had simultaneous competing offers that I had to choose between two women either.
/r/PurplePillDebate03/06/22 04:31 AM
2

I don't know why that was such a revelation, actually. I mean, ofc it is.
/r/PurplePillDebate03/06/22 04:25 AM
2

Just remember that she no longer gets to dictate the terms of the relationship, as they'll suit her but may not suit you. Women are accustomed to being the emotional caretakers of a relationship, and often expect that they can continue to set the tone and boundaries after the relationship is over. to wit, if you want, you can tell her to move out, get wrecked, and get fucked. if you don't want to be friends you don't have to be just cause she says so.
/r/Divorce_Men28/05/22 07:55 PM
23

women are fundamentally unable to deal with icky feelings, and so will project them onto anyone they can as fast as possible. They are intrinsically unable to accept responsibility for their actions, and are celebrated when they don't.
/r/Divorce_Men24/05/22 04:49 PM
2

Without kids, there is no reason not to. When my kids are grown and out, in about 4 years, I fully intend to bail out of my current community and follow my dreams. That might even be international, for either short or long term.
/r/Divorce_Men24/05/22 04:36 PM
1

Ok sure. Disagree and we can talk about it. But is it ban worthy for being "misosgynistic"?
/r/Divorce_Men15/05/22 04:39 PM
9

Most of those ideas come from dudes That is demonstrably incorrect.
/r/PurplePillDebate13/05/22 12:11 AM
1

I guess what I'm saying is, guys, you're playing a game that just is not and will never be in your favor if you are working from a non-demisexual perspective. Did you just mansplain my own sexual frustration back to me? I don't understand the point of your post, if it boils down to "get over yourself". Thanks, I'm well aware.
/r/PurplePillDebate11/05/22 05:08 PM
5

0 matches and completely rejected in real life? There must be something really off about them "off about them" = "something wrong with you"
/r/PurplePillDebate10/05/22 11:18 PM
5

Exactly. That's exactly the attitude that we're taking issue with. That's true for the significant portion of men that are 6/10 or below. You're familiar with the Tinder generated data: "The study demonstrated the men liked 61.9% of women on Tinder and women liked a mere 4.5% of men on Tinder." and "According to a study entitled Tinder Experiments II: Guys, unless you are really hot you are probably better off not wasting your time on Tinder — a quantitative socio-economic study, “the bottom 80%…
/r/PurplePillDebate10/05/22 11:06 PM
7

Then imagine not being successful in online dating either. You know there are legions of dudes with 0 matches, right? Or matches but the conversations go nowhere?
/r/PurplePillDebate10/05/22 10:41 PM
1

I've whined about dating. I just want you to acknowledge that it's a real problem, and that any advice you might that doesn't help me look better (or make me rich) is basically a waste of time and just makes me feel bad.
/r/PurplePillDebate10/05/22 08:52 PM
2

Let’s be clear, I don’t blame guys for being thirsty horndogs Lots of women do, though. Maybe not you, but being a thirsty horndog is usually regarded very poorly.
/r/PurplePillDebate10/05/22 08:50 PM
2

If he's single not by choice currently, by definition he has it worse.
/r/PurplePillDebate10/05/22 08:48 PM
3

You have a 100% rejection rate after initiating? And yet you concede you have a man. So you're somewhat more successful than 0%. Right?
/r/PurplePillDebate10/05/22 08:47 PM
0

but youre arguing the men that DO do this somehow wouldnt simply because they had a mother I'm arguing that who men work with on a daily basis doesn't bear relation to how they interact with women online. There's a lot more factors than that one at play. Either working with a lot of women or not, I don't believe to strongly correlate to how productively they interact with women online.
/r/PurplePillDebate10/05/22 05:02 PM
10

which renders them incapable Yes, because none of us have mothers, sisters, girlfriends, friends. We must work with them to understand them. Surely you wouldn't think that women that work in women dominated industries are "incapable" of understanding men in real life. I reject the premise of this survey.
/r/PurplePillDebate10/05/22 02:27 AM
3

Well, next year she won't get shit. So you have that look forward to.
/r/Divorce_Men09/05/22 10:33 PM
-1

Giving a gender that you have proclaimed to have "walked away from" that much energy is allowing them to live in your head, rent free. MGTOW would be more constructed if they described how to get into a bunch of things that you can do on your own. Instead they bash women, as if they need to constantly remind themselves how little they want to think about them.
/r/PurplePillDebate09/05/22 04:47 AM
3

OP, don't settle for anyone that doesn't do it for you. You're entitled to keep looking until you find someone that does and she agrees. There, feel better?
/r/PurplePillDebate03/05/22 03:42 AM
1

25 years. Therefore we actually built assets together and she deserves her share of those, except who is she kidding I earned it through the sacrifice of my own labor and life. But fine so far I get it. But to believe that I owe her part of my life indefinitely is just to treat men like an unearned income investment vehicle. Anyway, to appeals. We think we can get the appeal court to school the judge an appropriate award amounts, but if there's one thing I've learned through this process is that…
/r/Divorce_Men26/04/22 05:49 PM
2

One of my sons asked me the other day how early he could get a vasectomy. Morally? At 18. Once you're an adult you should have bodily autonomy. Drs refusing to perform vasectomies on ethical grounds is like drs refusing to perform abortions on ethical grounds. I'd honestly like to have a list of drs that are willing to perform vasectomies on an adult male of any age, and doesn't need the wife's agreement. It's not her body, afterall.
/r/Divorce_Men26/04/22 05:30 PM
1

OR. "Lifetime" alimony. SAH are officially not regarded as functioning adults here. 1/2 of marital assets and child support I actually don't have any problem with, but indefinite spousal support is ridiculous. She will never be able to function on her own? She deserves a share of my work product like I'm a persistent investment vehicle for forever?
/r/Divorce_Men26/04/22 05:03 PM
3

My lawyer claims to be stupefied. I don't know. We hope to seek relief in the appeals process, but it's expensive.
/r/Divorce_Men25/04/22 11:31 PM
5

Exactly. The fact that she was awarded damn near 100% of my monthly net is criminal imo. TG I have savings to live on or the judge in one decision would have made me homeless. I'm going to let the difference accrue until the end of days and her bellyaching about it will just strengthen my resolve.
/r/Divorce_Men25/04/22 08:35 PM
2

Marriage is a timeless institution. If only. The concept of marital assets and lifetime alimony mean is why 50% of marriages end in divorce. If the contract had penalties for leaving it it'd be one thing, but currently it actually has advantages. *for the woman.
/r/PurplePillDebate25/04/22 05:55 PM
2

Well, I'm convinced. But unless OP's BF can see and value your list, it sounds like he's not going to propose on his own. It takes two people to want to get married.
/r/PurplePillDebate25/04/22 05:50 PM
7

It’s a symbolic unity next level of emotional commitment. psychologically wanting to commit. Those aren't legal issues. If the OP wants a legal commitment, ask for one. And understand why the OP's BF would be unwilling to make one. Basically, all of the liability is his, and what does he get that he doesn't get now? Hospital visitation rights?
/r/PurplePillDebate25/04/22 04:59 PM
2

My taxes went up significantly after I got divorced and started filing single. The "penalty" is predicated on an income disparity between the two partners, though.
/r/PurplePillDebate25/04/22 04:35 PM
2

Which one of them, do you think, would be the most likely to suddenly find it hard to work and need those benefits? If the man loses his job he'll be expected to find another.
/r/PurplePillDebate25/04/22 03:40 PM
0

If you're working your own job you presumably get those from your own job. You can also still take out insurance on each other. Otherwise you're just saying that you want access to his money in perpetuity, aka gold digger.
/r/PurplePillDebate25/04/22 03:32 PM
9

You are ignoring the tax benefits. Which are substantial.
/r/PurplePillDebate25/04/22 03:30 PM
8

Then have a spiritual marriage that doesn't involve the state. He's basically saying that he doesn't want to bet the lifestyle he currently enjoys and thrives in against you turning into a dependa and taking it away, at your whim. His lifestyle > your sense of emotional security. I can't say that I disagree.
/r/PurplePillDebate25/04/22 03:28 PM
3

I needed to be more aware of my emotional state, and actively manage it. Leading with your feels in all situations without critical review of how it's impacting others doesn't make you a good partner. It barely makes you tolerable to be around by anyone, actually. There was a lot of other mistakes I made, but it stemmed from that. Even when angry, stressed, etc you need to think about how those expressions will be received. Are they having the effect you want?
/r/Divorce_Men24/04/22 06:02 PM
8

This is well put. What I'm trying to learn--but it's hard--is that physical attraction does not make for objectively good sex. They're actually two different parts of the brain. I can be titillated by someone's appearance, but all of that's gone when the lights turn out. Then other things matter more, like attention to each other's pleasure and how it matters to them.
/r/PurplePillDebate19/04/22 03:22 AM
16

Men who have never experienced it often idealize it in their minds I've never had one, but to me it sounds like a straight up hassle. It's all I can do to disappoint one gal, I don't think I have the focus to do two. If two ggg gals jumped into bed with me I wouldn't say no, just for the novelty of it; but I don't idealize and push my partners into it either.
/r/PurplePillDebate18/04/22 07:31 PM
1

women would find the world to be a cold and uncaring place. And have to learn to find their validation from within, rather than externally.
/r/PurplePillDebate18/04/22 02:52 PM
32

They weren't legally married. They were found to be common law married, which is often understood to require at least co habitation--another criteria that wasn't met. https://www.svlaw.ca/blog/details/item/do-you-need-to-live-together-common-law#:~:text=Lisa%20Climans%20and%20Michael%20Latner,spouse%20on%20her%20tax%20returns. If by sleeping over at someone's house a few nights a month makes you married, you're basically common law married to anyone you're dating.
/r/PurplePillDebate17/04/22 03:17 PM
3

Post-divorce support awards and distribution of marital assets is extremely fact dependent, based on when the asset was acquired during your marriage, and varies greatly between states. Consult a lawyer. Do not consult her lawyer, and ignore everything that she tells you.
/r/Divorce_Men15/04/22 05:33 PM
4

American divorce courts can't tell employers what to cover.
/r/PurplePillDebate12/04/22 09:07 PM
4

That's a very succinct way to describe it. Before my divorce, I could afford a mortgage and family international trips for a family of 4. But afterwards I sure as fuck can't afford two mortgages as well as 2x as many international trips, even for just three.
/r/PurplePillDebate12/04/22 09:07 PM
3

Who cares, her getting a job is the most important thing. If she shits where she eats by doing it with an former or current AP, that's her circus and not yours.
/r/Divorce_Men08/04/22 05:46 PM
10

Thanks for that perspective. My therapist has echoed it. I owe them a conversation that doesn't go into parental alienation.
/r/PurplePillDebate07/04/22 07:54 PM
15

I was like that too. And then I got divorced and realized that I don't need a women in my life to validate me. And what my exw is modeling, I'd be surprised if my sons talk to her after they reach maturity. I didn't have to do anything myself besides let her set the example, and the kids are watching.
/r/PurplePillDebate07/04/22 05:52 PM
1

I'm a 52M with two teenage sons. Therefore, I date other single or divorced women with kids, I know how it goes and in my age range most of those kids are teenagers if not already out of the home. Dating mothers with teenagers is different than dating with littles. If I didn't have my own kids I wouldn't date moms with kids, though. I'm sympathetic to navigating around kids cause I have my own; but without that experience I can't see why I'd bother. I'm currently dating a woman with no kids of h…
/r/PurplePillDebate31/03/22 09:04 PM
1

Right. So to the point of the CMV: I agree. A woman's perspective is often valuable and different than just another man's. But women take more work, and if the different perspective is worth the extra work I'm not at all sure.
/r/PurplePillDebate31/03/22 01:16 AM
2

I think it's worth boosting the signal on Chris's apology. You read that right. He admitted that he crossed a line into a personal attack, and didn't serve the function of having a comedic take on society,.
/r/PurplePillDebate29/03/22 06:23 PM
46

I have several women friends. In full transparency, I would bang them given the chance, but they've made it all clear that that's not on the table. Fine. I legit enjoy their company regardless. The issue with "friends that are women" is that, even with sex off the table, they still over rate their value and expect to be the center of attention. I dunno Becky, how about you get this round? Or yah, I might be 30 minutes late cause I'm out running around, is that cool? They don't really want to be …
/r/PurplePillDebate29/03/22 05:24 PM
4

Robbie denied the rumor, apparently, but I already don't care about celebrity gossip.
/r/PurplePillDebate28/03/22 09:18 PM
9

It's not clear to me that Will is ok with it at all. He appeared pretty upset when she was talking about it publicly. Just because she wants an open relationship doesn't necessarily mean that Will agrees with it.
/r/PurplePillDebate28/03/22 05:40 PM
0

Men are allowed to have emotions too. Strong men own those emotions.
/r/PurplePillDebate28/03/22 05:34 PM
20

I didn't watch the Oscars myself. When I first heard about this I assumed that Rock was taking a crack at Jada being the town bicycle. For Smith to feel like he has to defend his wife over her hair--well there just is a lot going on in that relationship. One could say that Jada losing her hair is karma for her open sexual proclivities, but maybe that would get me slapped by Smith.
/r/PurplePillDebate28/03/22 05:33 PM
3

They basically expect to continue their life and just rid themselves of their sleeping partner. They are like children, really. They don't expect to have to grow up even after the transition.
/r/Divorce_Men28/03/22 01:41 AM
17

Literally the only time I encounter this mentality is on reddit. I've been dating etc, and watch for red flags, and sometimes I get a sniff of something like the reddit attitude. I think that reddit is useful for keeping my antenna up. But in reality, it's like 10% or less of the of the prevailing sentiment and the rest is just people being people.
/r/PurplePillDebate27/03/22 09:13 PM
1

Wait. Document and wait. Make sure you have lots of documented offers for her to take the kid, her agreeing to the schedule, and flaking. Then when she tries to assert custody, you will have the documentation to prove she's not reliable. Or, in the fullness of time, assert that you should have full custody and demand that she give you child support. Your lawyer will provide guidance.
/r/Divorce_Men26/03/22 06:26 AM
2

She said she was going to. And then she did.
/r/Divorce_Men25/03/22 08:20 AM
0

Did you really just say that the real victim here is your women friend, because any dude that she is likely to meet will be saddled with alimony and therefore unable to support her in the life that she deserves? You think that this un-named potential future male partner already is obligated to asymmetrically support her, instead of her simply expecting to be a peer partner on her own? Yes, so unfortunate for women that men are being saddled with the burden of ex-spouse support! They are being ro…
/r/PurplePillDebate24/03/22 10:31 PM
2

"Second marriages are the triumph of optimism over experience", Mark Twain I think. I have two divorced (male) friends that got remarried. One of those vowed he never would again, also. So, what do I know. But personally I don't think I could ever cohab let alone actually get married.
/r/Divorce_Men23/03/22 11:56 PM
1

nope
/r/Divorce_Men23/03/22 11:54 PM
2

Men are shamed for expressing any agency, because that's not how society wants to use them. They're supposed to just shut up, push the wheel, and eventually drop dead. Hopefully quietly.
/r/PurplePillDebate23/03/22 06:28 PM
2

I am sardonic and cynical to a fault. But I do not kid about this, even with good friends, even "anonymously" on reddit. If something were to happen to her, regardless if I was involved or not, I'd be absolutely the first person the cops would talk to. And I do not want to test how good my friends are, if they're repeat something said in jest out of context. I don't even kid about it with my lawyer.
/r/Divorce_Men23/03/22 07:10 AM
3

do not do this.
/r/Divorce_Men23/03/22 04:32 AM
1

You won't when you retire.
/r/Divorce_Men23/03/22 04:32 AM
3

following
/r/Divorce_Men22/03/22 12:28 AM
1

The only one I'd swipe right on is #5F. I love that smile, it seems very aware. I would be confident that she could hold a conversation.
/r/PurplePillDebate18/03/22 08:41 AM
19

Women have been habituated to be able to put the least amount of effort, and therefore emotional risk, as possible and still get a certain amount of response. Charitably, they could also be doing so because if they are even a little too eager they look like sluts or are attacked and victimized. Also, in the world of women, they are consistently sending and managing "signals". Men don't send or receive signals, by and large, and whenever they attempt to do so they sound like 8 year olds explainin…
/r/PurplePillDebate17/03/22 07:44 PM
0

They're also cheaper, and as you identified, exploiting a man for his money is a real risk. Sorry you expect men to provide your entertainment at their expense.
/r/PurplePillDebate17/03/22 04:40 PM
2

You know that most men are homophobic? To the point of knowing their toilet habits? You're in the wrong sub, you should join FDS
/r/PurplePillDebate17/03/22 04:39 PM
1

Hamstering -^
/r/PurplePillDebate17/03/22 04:37 PM
1

Yes, men should be mind readers. It's sure make it easier!
/r/PurplePillDebate17/03/22 04:34 PM
1

I've heard that it's only men that have all of the advantages in society! How could this be?
/r/PurplePillDebate17/03/22 04:32 PM
4

It was posited as without grey area, "no chance of relationship". If you wouldn't accept a free meal from your girlfriends, you shouldn't do it from a random dude either. OFC if you are friendly friends and rotate paying, or split the check, or whatever, sure. That wasn't OP's implication.
/r/PurplePillDebate17/03/22 04:29 PM
1

It's not wrong if they split the check. Otherwise, it's basically stealing.
/r/PurplePillDebate17/03/22 04:26 PM
13

Dude, it's a joke. Maybe you need to get laid. A "metric ton" of BBW is fewer chicks than a metric ton of skinny minis. Get it? FFS
/r/PurplePillDebate17/03/22 09:52 AM
24

I banged a metric ton of bigger women So, like 4?
/r/PurplePillDebate17/03/22 03:14 AM
3

I'd rather go on a lackluster date then facetime.
/r/PurplePillDebate16/03/22 05:29 PM
2

How else should men vet for gold diggers of dates that just want free meals? Or women that expect to be treated like entitled princesses for the rest of their relationship?
/r/PurplePillDebate16/03/22 05:06 PM
2

Well, it is a pain in the ass to change.
/r/Divorce_Men16/03/22 02:31 AM
4

going to go with the physically stronger group The whole argument about allowing women into the US Armed Services is that modern mechanized warfare relies much less on an individual's personal strength than other things. I don't have enough experience to know if that's true, but a general said it and he'd know. If it's good enough for him it's good enough for me, therefore women are capable soldiers, and therefore should also be draftable.
/r/PurplePillDebate15/03/22 09:12 PM
11

The correct approach would be to find someone who has better standing, someone who has been penalized because they are men That would be easy. It was true when I was a teen, and I assume still true, that if you were an 18 yo male and refused to register for the draft, you would not be allowed to apply for federally backed college loans.
/r/PurplePillDebate15/03/22 09:09 PM
2

I dont know what type of dudes would tell you they prefer thin barbies with blonde hair. I really struggle with the sensation beyond my eyes. I think men, or at least I am, are wired to instinctively value a thin body type--even if what we like in the actual sack is different. I find it hard to look away from stick thin women, even if know that banging them would actually be like sleeping with a hanger.
/r/PurplePillDebate09/03/22 09:19 PM
2

I go to the gym because I like the way it feels. Full stop. I'll stop going when it doesn't feel good. If you go for the recognition than gainz brings you, I dunno what to tell you except that you need to get your head examined.
/r/PurplePillDebate09/03/22 09:12 PM
1

Cause it feels good, and with modern contraceptives and STD cures, there's very little to get in the way of feeling good. There is no contraindicating force, basically, besides religion, which is decline for that but also for other reasons.
/r/PurplePillDebate09/03/22 08:59 PM
1

and it's a drastally smaller minority among women IME that's not true. I think it's skewed by age. The women I have dated have all been ready for a LTR before I have.
/r/PurplePillDebate09/03/22 08:56 PM
1

So to follow through on your reasoning, if the woman asks does she pay?
/r/PurplePillDebate09/03/22 12:01 AM
1

If you don't have $20 then we're not a match anyway. You're saying that you would therefore require me to support all of our dates going forward, as well, which is a burden I don't want to bear. And still, you're expecting the dude to spend $20 on a "random person", that person being you from his perspective. But that's expected by your solipsism.
/r/PurplePillDebate08/03/22 11:36 PM
2

I'm not sure I understand your preference that men pay on a first date, then. It's only $20, so why does it matter?
/r/PurplePillDebate08/03/22 11:23 PM
3

Yes, I do like being valued for my personality and charm. How much or how little that is tied to my wallet is the issue. I like to buy gifts and treat. I don't like feeling like I'm being taken advantage of. It's a subjective evaluation which is why we keep having this conversation, because I think that tipping point is different for everyone.
/r/PurplePillDebate08/03/22 07:16 PM
4

Yet, you still expect men to pay on the first date. I pay on the first date simply because I almost always make more than my dates. Ok, fine. But if they don't make some offer of help, or start contributing more on the second or third dates, they're just looking for a sugar daddy and I dip.
/r/PurplePillDebate08/03/22 07:03 PM
3

You could do 10 dates like that, or you could just hire an escort for about the same price with guaranteed results. I really don't think that vanilla women are in a good position to make dates strictly transactional. That's not what they really want to be competing with.
/r/PurplePillDebate08/03/22 07:00 PM
2

Something guys seem to forget is women absolutely don't need men Men don't need women, either. If women feel like they need to be paid for, there's other ways to accomplish a strictly transactional relationship. I would take it as a bad sign if she insisted on Dutch By that point it's too late to recover anyway. You're not going to repair the date by not allowing her to pay Dutch. At least that's more honorable than accepting the dinner without any intention of going forward. I prefer relationsh…
/r/PurplePillDebate08/03/22 06:56 PM
1

Continue to get them, document, and then seek a modification.
/r/Divorce_Men07/03/22 08:58 AM
1

Well, I could teach you how to properly use the grammar of your native language. For starters. You're asking what my attributes are like I'm a Player Character in a game. I'm just a dude. I like myself. I'm still astonished when other folks like me too, but it happens. You'd have to ask them.
/r/PurplePillDebate04/03/22 07:52 AM
6

Downloaded Tinder while you were fucking? I mean, I dunno. She'll cheat on Dr too, if it makes you feel any better. Someone that craven will never be satisfied.
/r/PurplePillDebate04/03/22 07:50 AM
3

That somehow seems like a very Russian sense of humor.
/r/Divorce_Men04/03/22 04:30 AM
7

I've debated this, personally. A lot. Ex immediately ignored my birthday and I have hers. So be it. However. I think it's good for the kids to learn to respect others, and help them celebrate things that are import to others. So while I will not do something myself for her birthday, I think it's good parenting to remind the kids that they should show respect to the people in their life that they love. If they are with me for her birthday, they should nevertheless sign a card if not get a present…
/r/Divorce_Men04/03/22 04:29 AM
2

Well, here we are then. That's not 100% true, it's just about 98% true. I love the checklist for "things to look for" in this thread. Girl, ain't nobody got time for that. I'm not learning semaphore. Either this is easy and fun, or it ain't. If it ain't it ain't.
/r/PurplePillDebate02/03/22 06:40 AM
2

They're not "supposed" to meet them anywhere. To answer your question. But they're better off not meeting you at all.
/r/PurplePillDebate02/03/22 06:35 AM
2

The moral of the story is that they "send signals" knowing that we don't see signals. In essence, they want us to be mind readers. I'm not a mind reader. It's simply easier to not approach in any place other than an explicitly social setting. And never at work, and never as a customer. If they want to approach, they will. If they want to do but don't, their loss. I don't approach. I banter, because I'm just living life. That doesn't get numbers often, but it sometimes does, and more importantly …
/r/PurplePillDebate02/03/22 01:16 AM
6

Or, women can take the guesswork out of it, acknowledge that guys don't see signals, and ask themselves.
/r/PurplePillDebate02/03/22 01:08 AM
1

You're asking the wrong question. "where are guys supposed to meet women." That reframes the question from a perspective of, dare I say, male entitlement. It presumes that men should be able to meet women. I think what you mean to ask is: "where do women feel safe and comfortable being approached?" And if that place is never, so be it.
/r/PurplePillDebate02/03/22 01:07 AM
27

High income women paying spousal support gives me a justice boner every time.
/r/Divorce_Men20/02/22 09:06 PM
2

I got 50/50 time, but CS is calculate at 2/3 1/3. I figured it was better to have the time and eat the expense difference. For now.
/r/Divorce_Men20/02/22 02:42 AM
9

The judge decided that I needed to pay for her graduate degree, as well as spousal and child support. A certain amount of spousal is lifetime, fwiw. Men are born to be slaves, is what it amounts to.
/r/Divorce_Men19/02/22 05:30 AM
4

So far I have it worse, but I'm the only one on this board that I've read of that does. Yes, I'm going back to court in April, wish me luck.
/r/Divorce_Men19/02/22 03:54 AM
4

It really depends on the judge. I actually lost my job and was unemployed. I went to court to try to have my CS reduced on that basis, and the judge was like naww. Convinced I was underemployed on purpose, she kept my payments at the same level. So now I was unemployed with only UI income, making payments to my ex like I was still making 230K per year. So, it's a roll of the dice.
/r/Divorce_Men18/02/22 04:39 PM
13

The lesson here is that what want to think they want and what they actually respond to is miles apart. They want to think that they are above lizard brain thinking, and deny the reality that many aren't, actually. If they were to accept it, how could they manage their moral superiority? I think guys are more in touch with their salacious selves, and are more akin to simply accepting it about themselves.
/r/PurplePillDebate17/02/22 10:10 PM
1

I don't know, it's really none of my business.
/r/PurplePillDebate16/02/22 09:58 AM
2

Have fun. Try not to fuck the first thing that crosses your vision. I think you'll probably be tempted.
/r/Divorce_Men15/02/22 10:52 PM
1

Pre-covid, I'd go out to music or events. Since then, I feel like I've been in a holding pattern.
/r/Divorce_Men10/02/22 10:05 PM
1

No shit, sherlock. Care to lay any other wisdom on us?
/r/PurplePillDebate31/01/22 07:47 AM
1

I'm looking forward to finally going back to meetups. I have a laundry list of social activities that I want to get back to.
/r/PurplePillDebate30/01/22 11:51 PM
2

Can sperm be frozen, like eggs? Bank a dozen shots or so, I guess?
/r/Divorce_Men30/01/22 11:20 PM
3

Mine wanted to adopt. I think she needed a hobby, basically. I was already the sole supporter for the 4 of us, and that was plenty. She was unwilling to contribute, but wanted me to take on more financial responsibility for her project child? I said no even then, and that was long before we were in real trouble.
/r/Divorce_Men30/01/22 11:19 PM
0

Yes. The firehose of potentials has reduced everyone to a list of checkboxes in order to enable filtering. Pre-Tinder, your matches were much more about your social circle, your co-workers, or even just where you hung out--but you couldn't reduce everyone to a stat sheet quite as easily.
/r/PurplePillDebate30/01/22 10:46 PM
17

I think it's Tinder, actually, which has reduced people to Amazon Prime purchases.
/r/PurplePillDebate30/01/22 09:30 PM
2

This comes from a culture that normalized causal sex and gave us Tinder, mind you, yet acts surprised that there will be men out there looking for women to score with. The most direct solution is for women to stop giving it up until they get married. As long as women are willing to have sex before getting a legal commitment, men will continue to seek it. Full stop. But men like sex and women like the (temporary) validation, so the trend will continue and it will be as rife as all kinds of direct…
/r/PurplePillDebate27/01/22 06:41 PM
8

My ex-wife left me and eventually moved in her girlfriend. You read that right. Fortunately, her gf by all accounts is a pretty decent person. It could definitely be worse. I have chosen to do the opposite--the kids barely know that I'm dating, let alone have had a new gf of my own around them. I just am not ready to have them see me as a single person, and to introduce a new adult to their lives.
/r/Divorce_Men26/01/22 01:09 AM
5

the full text of the CA law is here: https://leginfo.legislature.ca.gov/faces/codes_displaySection.xhtml?lawCode=PEN&sectionNum=289#:~:text=(1)%20Was%20unconscious%20or%20asleep,the%20perpetrator's%20fraud%20in%20fact. which appears to tend to agree more with u/kissmetilyouredrunk than u/JohnPettimore
/r/PurplePillDebate26/01/22 12:57 AM
3

That means I'm raped everytime my girlfriend wants to have sex with me in the morning before I've had my coffee. I'm kidding. Ofc. But gee that seems like a broad definition.
/r/PurplePillDebate26/01/22 12:51 AM
3

It's a habit that I think we get used to when we're married. It can be a hard habit to break, but you need to learn how to do it.
/r/Divorce_Men25/01/22 04:25 AM
1

You still want me to speak for all men? I have no idea what other people are saying or why.
/r/PurplePillDebate24/01/22 05:15 PM
1

I dunno, maybe men have different priorities and interests as individuals, instead of just somehting you can take off a shelf?
/r/PurplePillDebate24/01/22 04:42 PM
3

And MGTOW is about men learning to define and value themselves without female input. How I value myself is important than a woman telling me what I should value, which is inevitably linked to her own self-interest and not mine. Both MGTOW and TRP have been taken over by misogynists, but those are the principles and I think they are to be lauded.
/r/PurplePillDebate22/01/22 10:17 PM
6

How dare you fail to improve yourself to attract a woman who can exploit you. Haven't you thought of the needs of that woman that you haven't even met yet?
/r/PurplePillDebate22/01/22 10:13 PM
2

No, it's not. It's not nearly that conscious. It's women wanting their cake and eating it too.
/r/PurplePillDebate22/01/22 10:08 PM
5

The women always assume that "they'll get the kids" and only allow you to see them at their discretion. If you fight, and they don't invent bullshit like abuse, you are likely to get 50/50. Depending on the state, you are likely to be fucked by alimony however.
/r/Divorce_Men20/01/22 01:17 AM
9

"trans deserve love too"! That's not how love works. No one "deserves" love; love is earned.
/r/PurplePillDebate18/01/22 08:29 PM
4

IMO you should wait until after the pandemic. The pandemic is a once in a lifetime, once in a century type event. It's done weird things to all of us, and I think once it's over we'll quickly return to normal. I'd wait to see if this one passes, personally.
/r/Divorce_Men15/01/22 06:24 PM
15

OFC she wants it. It's win win for her. She no longer has to hit Tinder and suck strange dick; and if she wants to start again, she can and meanwhile leave with the 1/2 of the poor sap's money. If she does it right, she can be paid to do so for the rest of her misbegotten life. It's a super sweet deal for women. The only thing that'll get some of them to start questioning the institution is to wind up making more and having to pay the dudes alimony. That'll probably start to happen more and more…
/r/Divorce_Men15/01/22 12:27 AM
1

"Don't know how to"? I value what I value, I don't what I don't. If you don't provide value to me, we're simply incompatible. It's not because I'm too dumb to value your gifts. That's like saying I should want to hang modern art on my wall, because art critics believe it be to valuable. I'm sorry, but I find it ugly and it doesn't match my colors. I don't find it valuable, go be with someone that does value what you got.
/r/PurplePillDebate14/01/22 08:22 PM
11

They always think they're the victim, and their actions are just a product of their victimhood. I've never met a single reflective, introspective, woman that is able and willing to accept that the mistakes of her life were ones that she made herself. Not a single one.
/r/Divorce_Men14/01/22 09:21 AM
2

That was Trump that changed that, btw.
/r/Divorce_Men13/01/22 07:06 PM
38

Is this even up for debate? Women want to think that they don't reward behaviors that they intellectually abhor. Objective data and facts say the opposite, which is why those abhorrent behaviors continue to exist. The biggest revelation is that women act differently in practice than they like to think in theory, and that they remain unaware, or at best, struggle, with this. ofc sexist men get laid. physically gross men don't. being gross has more to do with genetics than ideology; in fact, it's …
/r/PurplePillDebate13/01/22 12:06 AM
1

I have found that there is a value in telling me thing that I don't know. I suppose you'd get that from any friend, not just a friend of the opposite sex. But to have someone that I can learn from that I can also bang has value.
/r/PurplePillDebate12/01/22 06:24 AM
2

And yet the natural conclusion would be to either accept being single, or going gay. It's our refusal to do either, yet our deep resentment for the power the other gender holds over us, that fuels this debate.
/r/PurplePillDebate08/01/22 07:08 PM
2

We also say things that may be dubious, with the expectation of being challenged if they're wrong. If they aren't challenged, they're accepted as fact. It's how guys talk to each other. We just do the same things to women, who either feel like they can't or won't challenge us. Then they'll just roll their eyes and walk away.
/r/PurplePillDebate07/01/22 02:48 AM
5

document nights they stay with you in actuality and then use that to demand more custody percentage. She's effectively abandoned them with you due to choices she made.
/r/Divorce_Men30/12/21 06:51 AM
0

No. Any engagement, even negative, is some engagement, and it's better not to be engaged. At this point, she's just Somebody That You Used to Know.
/r/Divorce_Men29/12/21 05:07 PM
4

And more men should be allergic to women that demand to be entertained by them.
/r/PurplePillDebate22/12/21 08:23 AM
2

Yes, absolutely. You're just incelling.
/r/PurplePillDebate22/12/21 07:56 AM
3

This is an opportunity for you to decide what you really want in life. I determined that money and ambition were part of what me to my divorce, so not only did I lose my wife, my money, but also I sacrificed my life and interests. I'm not willing to do that again. But now you get to decide what really motivates you individually, instead of trying to decide what's best for your family.
/r/Divorce_Men21/12/21 08:50 PM
1

Unless you're a mind reader, you can't evaluate those values with that level of precision.
/r/PurplePillDebate20/12/21 06:15 PM
2

So, don't use the apps then. They do because it's low effort path to validation. And many would rather complain than have to change their approach to one that requires more effort. The apps are addictive, in a twinkie kind of way. They're empty validation calories. But just as Hostess isn't going out business in spite of being terrible, neither is Tinder.
/r/PurplePillDebate20/12/21 06:10 PM
5

You leave everything behind--all of your assets, your kids, everything besides the clothes on your back. Then go to a foreign country that they don't extradite from and rebuild your life from scratch. You're basically on the lam from the rest of your life, can't return to the country of your birth, and never see anything that you care about ever again. It could be worth. I guess, depending on how horrific are your current circumstances. Or you take your lumps and split half and be done. The opti…
/r/Divorce_Men20/12/21 06:00 AM
8

ITT are people still deliberately misreading your question, in order to answer the question that they wanted to have not the one that you posed. There's a difference between: being strategically ambigious with your intentions and straight up lying. If you don't get a "yes, we're in a relationship" the dude hasn't signed on the line that was dotted, no matter how much you want to believe otherwise. You're just deluding yourself into hearing things that weren't said. And that's your fault, not his…
/r/PurplePillDebate20/12/21 02:14 AM
0

I would submit personality matters more when I'm looking for a long term relationship. But if you're hot it's hard to think beyond the sex goal until it's been accomplished, and really only then consider other qualities.
/r/PurplePillDebate19/12/21 04:06 PM
1

Later in the day, in person, she brought up that I would have to expect to play a lot of child support and she is not wanting to share custody. She doesn’t want the kids going between households on a regular basis. She's about to learn that she doesn't get to make those kinds of unilateral decisions. By making demands, she's telling you that she wants to contest. What she doesn't realize is that if it's contested the courts will decide what's fair, and that she will no longer be able to dictate …
/r/Divorce_Men15/12/21 08:15 PM
5

My ex-wife declared herself to be a bisexual polyamorist, and wanted to bang other chicks (without me). That wasn't the entire dealbreaker, but it's that she expected to live that lifestyle while I was at work (and she wasn't). The combination expectation was more than I could take, so I dipped. It always appeared to be more to me to be about her sense of entitlement--deserving financial support from me, deserving of love and attention from a chick--than anything else. She was not fundamentally …
/r/PurplePillDebate14/12/21 09:18 PM
2

something very similar to "both parents must agree on any expenses or time commitments made on the other's custody time. expenses to be split 50/50". otherwise she'd sign them up for all kinds of nonsense and I needed a way to opt out, for both financial and time commitment reasons. She can't dictate to you how you spend your time with your kid. If she signs them up for a lesson you didn't agree to, neither pay for it nor take them to it. The other bugaboo was the sharing of medical appts. She w…
/r/Divorce_Men09/12/21 07:16 PM
24

Also why would women date a soy boy instead of a masculine alpha man? Because Democratic men have bigger cocks than Republican men. Obviously. Man, what the fuck is it with Reddit and stupid takes today? It seems like there's more stupidity today than usual.
/r/PurplePillDebate08/12/21 07:34 PM
4

'beta males'' pushed feminism in the hopes that women would be more liberated and have an easier time sleeping with them This is the worst take I've seen on a topic on reddit all week. That's not at all why "beta" males supported the feminism movement. It's because they value the contributions that women can provide, and did not think that they had a sufficient forum to provide those contributions. Also, feminism supports the idea that women should have bodily autonomy. I don't know why anyone w…
/r/PurplePillDebate08/12/21 06:11 PM
14

There's no women in this world that needs to pay for an online dating app. Lol. That was hardly an accident.
/r/Divorce_Men07/12/21 07:52 PM
7

We make fun of single mothers that expect us to take care of their kids, not our own. Who knows what happened to the bio dad in the first place, but there is a good chance she kicked him away because she thought she could better on her own/with a strange penis.
/r/PurplePillDebate06/12/21 10:42 PM
1

My custody agreement says that both parents must agree to the time and cost, and then split the cost. Neither of us can obligate the other to an activity scheduled for their time. If we have pre-approval, though, the obligation was accepted. I don't know what happens if either of us were to try to retroactively rescind. I guess I'd want my share of the money back for the cost of the activity.
/r/Divorce_Men06/12/21 05:31 PM
9

Serious question: do you think that any gender can "get over it" by having a high n-count, realizing it's not all it's cracked up to be, and then seeking the proverbial more? I'm not sure. I personally haven't had enough experience to "get over it", but I think I see the end stage and can believe it to be true. Whether or not that makes me relationship material when I get to that point I guess remains to be seen, or if I am at that point too forever broken and cynical. The simple fact is that, i…
/r/PurplePillDebate05/12/21 08:20 AM
3

Yes, the best relationships for women are generally the ones where she is in control. If that was true, they wouldn't have invented "emotional labor" and then complain about it.
/r/PurplePillDebate03/12/21 07:06 PM
2

Ultimately, Jordan Peterson willfully neglects that both sexes are rapidly decreasing in quality and especially morality. Jordan bangs on about the decrease in morality and what sex without consequences is doing to our culture. It's almost boring. Remember when cheaters were shamed by other than the person they were cheating on? Jordan does, and advocates a return to that. Society has moved way past him on this, and may never return--the genie is out of the bottle. But the whole concept of casua…
/r/PurplePillDebate03/12/21 06:52 PM
8

The men who stick around, usually stick around because they have no other options. They could stick around because they think you're totes and are uniquely fulfilled by you. They might have options with other gals that have better resumes, but there needs more to be said for personality compatibility. All of the HVM bullshit totally misses whether or not you laugh at the same jokes, and that's worth as much or more than what your W2 says.
/r/PurplePillDebate03/12/21 06:48 PM
1

There are lots of women that have experience with casual sex and look back on that period and hate it. I'm not sure that hating that period of their life is enough, however. I would agree that any woman that doesn't hate it is a giant red flag, though. May even be a dealbreaker in it's own right. I have a good friend that had a long period of casual sex, and she has demonstrated an inability to "pair bond" for just that reason. The plural of anecdote is not data, but it does give me pause.
/r/PurplePillDebate03/12/21 07:43 AM
5

those all have a value and should be celebrated, but be careful for what they cost you.
/r/Divorce_Men02/12/21 06:45 PM
2

attacked by people lol. that's awfully generous of you when we all know that you're only attacked by one gender and not the other. Out of self-interested curiosity, which countries are you looking at? I'm in much the same place as you, or will be when my 13 year old turns 18. I do like sex, and I like having a friend around. I don't mind exclusivity, but I have a hard time imagining a life in which I would cohabitate let alone get married.
/r/Divorce_Men02/12/21 06:38 PM
3

"How common is it for a man to only feel sexually attracted when in love with someone?" In my experience, as a male, extremely rare. We're just not biologically wired that way. Acting on that impulse is another matter entirely. If you can't accept that as a real and sexually healthy impulse in a male partner, a cis-normative relationship might not be for you.
/r/PurplePillDebate30/11/21 07:04 PM
2

doubt
/r/PurplePillDebate30/11/21 07:00 PM
2

The only vetting that you need to know is "will she sign a pre-nup". Everything else is subject to revision over a lifetime of pairing. Even sexual identity, hell even gender identity.
/r/PurplePillDebate29/11/21 08:37 PM
2

one look at /r/relationships and "my BF/husband lost his job/is depressed, should I leave him" is all I need to know about the cynicism of women and how they view the male providers in their lives. you'd be more credible if women were more willing to commit/marry down to men making less money. but there's a stream of articles describing how they shouldn't have to, and they're in a bind because they're actually now making more.
/r/PurplePillDebate29/11/21 08:33 PM
1

You don't know that already.
/r/PurplePillDebate29/11/21 08:29 PM
2

Sure, there's good reasons behind nf divorces. But you only allow for in the case of "fair divorces", described as without alimony and child support. Both are very real things and unlikely to change. Therefore, until those things go away, it makes most sense to simply not marry.
/r/PurplePillDebate29/11/21 08:25 PM
1

Because of the financial risk HVM have when tying the financial knot through marriage. You're supporting OP's point.
/r/PurplePillDebate29/11/21 08:11 PM
1

It's not whataboutism, it's exactly equivalent.
/r/PurplePillDebate29/11/21 08:09 PM
3

They just prefer spending time on their social media to wasting it on socializing,dating,fucking etc So, the Japanese population implosion scenario.
/r/PurplePillDebate29/11/21 07:42 PM
4

It's not, because even if that's all true, it still only takes one person to fall out of that love and get divorced (and take 1/2 of their stuff with them). Regardless of how men feel about marriage, it's a bad deal and risk for them. There's 1/2 of their stuff to lose and little to gain, and it occurs independent of their feelings. Furthermore the dissolution is supporting by society.
/r/PurplePillDebate29/11/21 07:36 PM
5

the betas who wait and pray a woman eventually settles for them Well, stop doing that, for starters. BB men should opt out as well. If women can opt out, men should as well. The final nail in this coffin will probably be full decrim of sex work.
/r/PurplePillDebate29/11/21 07:33 PM
2

Gaslighting implies malicious intent. I don't think that's at work here. I just don't think they believe they're as superficial as they demonstrably are, as who wants to admit that about oneself. Especially when most women have the pride of gender of being more emotionally aware than men.
/r/PurplePillDebate28/11/21 03:47 AM
26

You didn't address how confidently women will assert something to be true that is not objectively true as measured by the best data driven tools that we have. The confidence of their delusion is frankly gynosplaining in defiance of men's lived reality. They just assume that we don't know what we're talking about when we try to describe our experiences with living according to their advice. I find that lack of awareness of themselves to be an impediment to this conversation.
/r/PurplePillDebate25/11/21 09:40 PM
3

Don't women value the experience of dating, and getting to know each other? If they do, why don't they also pay for it?
/r/PurplePillDebate18/11/21 04:36 PM
7

It's sad that you think that life starts and ends with women. They can be a great addition, but if you don't need them you don't need them. It's like building another wing onto your house. Your simping attitude holds no power here.
/r/Divorce_Men15/11/21 06:34 PM
24

You really wouldn't. Being objectified is creepy, and knowing that you can change their life with a word is not exhilarating, but rather makes you suspect of their mental stability. At least, as men, we don't need to worry as much about being physically overpowered. I can imagine how dangerous it would feel to be a woman, realize that a man is objectifying you and simping, and then realize that they could overpower you if they got the wrong thought into their head.
/r/PurplePillDebate14/11/21 08:53 PM
7

Men have an expiration date too, which further undermines the value of marriage.
/r/PurplePillDebate10/11/21 10:26 PM
3

Taking your partner for granted, which happens naturally over time as you being conditioned to expect them, is one of the major risks of marriage. Be careful not to take your partner too much for granted, and it requires frequent updating of your perspective.
/r/PurplePillDebate08/11/21 06:35 PM
1

I don't. I don't characterize my ex as a narcissist, and not just in the context of this post, either. I think she's entitled and desperately in need of validation, but that's not a narcissist. That's just someone with low self-esteem, and I understand the difference.
/r/Divorce_Men04/11/21 09:02 PM
5

define "better". better doesn't always mean sex. better tends to mean sex for guys; but I'd suggest that better doesn't necessarily sex for women. Therefore the mismatch in expectations. It's like guys are thinking on a 2D axis but women are considering a 3D plane of relationship dynamic.
/r/PurplePillDebate04/11/21 08:55 PM
11

What is it that makes you look at one guy and want to bang after two dates, but the guy who you see as potential, you decide he needs to wait. The answer is obvious. The dude she bangs after two dates, she will ghost later, or intends to eventually. The dude she believes has potential, she doesn't see a time limit on the relationship. If a gal that I was seeing was banging someone else while holding me off, would I be more frustrated than flattered by what she considers my potential? Surely. But…
/r/PurplePillDebate04/11/21 06:50 PM
6

Or, she should leave.
/r/Divorce_Men02/11/21 08:47 AM
2

I think the more interesting question is why did "cute girl" do that to the dude you arrived with? In your view? Was she attempting to assert her territory in spite of your claim? Or was it all simply accidental?
/r/PurplePillDebate01/11/21 09:53 PM
6

the fantasy that women do not The fantasy is that women don't have a lizard brain, that men are the only ones with neanderthal instinct drive and desires. And that women evolved beyond men, and so are fully aware of their actions and do everything deliberately, whereas men are dragged around by their penises because they're simple creatures. If women have to admit that they are subject to primal instincts as well, they'll have to admit that they are just as unevolved and subject to manipulation …
/r/PurplePillDebate01/11/21 09:50 PM
6

lol, no you're not. I have a hard time even considering cohabbing. Can I wake up to the same person the rest of my life? Can I even sleep with them? No joke, sleeping together as adults after a period of time of sleeping alone is no easy task, I don't know how you relearn to do it. And marriage is simply flat out of the question. There is just no reason to do so.
/r/Divorce_Men29/10/21 07:03 PM
1

If a flat earther referred to arXiv articles, I'd at least look at them. In this case, he linked a ncbi article, which your tax dollars paid for. It might or might not support his argument, but the credibility of the institution is not besmirched by those that reference it. He just might be wrong to reference it, to give you the benefit of the doubt. I find all of these chad/incel discussions very reductionist, and frankly I don't care either way. I'm going to live my perspective either way.
/r/PurplePillDebate22/10/21 05:41 AM
3

I was with you up until you used an obvious ad hominem. The poster has no bearing on the legitimacy of the study, unless they actually authored it. Even then it still survived peer review. Now, why would I trust you when you have no understanding of logical fallacies? It demonstrates a lack of awareness, which undermines your credibility.
/r/PurplePillDebate22/10/21 05:27 AM
1

I wanted it to be amicable. That ends as soon as they see $$$ signs. Mine started at amicable, but then she asked for a 60/40 split of assets after she'd been a SAHM for the last 15 years. Why on earth would she get 10% more of the assets that I earned, and yet keep it "amicable"?
/r/Divorce_Men21/10/21 07:31 AM
3

She can probably get 1/2 of your assets (and you can get 1/2 of hers) but alimony is probably not on the table with an equal income. It generally depends on the state, but I believe in even states with no-fault and aggressive alimony awards, that equal income will mean she's shit out of luck. Nice try, lady. I see that she actually makes a little more, but your pension is better than her 401k. If she makes more than 10% more than you, then you should demand alimony from her and see if she'll bac…
/r/Divorce_Men21/10/21 07:27 AM
16

And naturally it's usually in reverse. Women are venerated if they're virgins, but male virgins are suspect. Women that have high N-counts are sluts, but men that have high n-counts are gods. You're telling men that they only way they are valued is if they are able to connive themselves into pussy. Is that what you want to be telling men that they have to do to be seen as legitimate? That simply just perpetuates the victimization of women by men.
/r/PurplePillDebate21/10/21 07:24 AM
73

Every time you say something challenging, explain that "that dude can't get laid anyway". Stipulating that a man's body count is the source of their power and legitimacy is toxic by definition. And ironically way more women use that as a weapon than men.
/r/PurplePillDebate20/10/21 11:15 PM
10

The actual hardest part of the separation for me was not the loss of the past--that sucked--but it was the loss of the future. I had basically the next 15 years until retirement roughly sketched out, including when the kids would leave, the direction of my career, the house we would live in, and actually the inheritances that I expected we'd receive as both of our parents died. Maybe that's mercenary, I dunno, but there is a substantial amount of money between both of parents and I factored it i…
/r/Divorce_Men19/10/21 07:36 PM
1

I don't know if you're a man, or a woman, or something else, but I'm going to hold you personally accountable for that post.
/r/PurplePillDebate19/10/21 06:20 PM
5

Tracked every nickel of our shared financial resources, where it went, how much, and when. Exactly when assets are divided is a thorny issue, and depends on a number of factors.
/r/Divorce_Men17/10/21 06:36 AM
3

Get a lawyer. Get your share. You are owed alimony for the time that you spent raising the kids instead of developing your own career. You are owed that money to establish yourself in life (and move out of your friend's place). You are owed child support commensurate with the difference in wage income and the amount of support time you have. Alimony may last a long time, or even be indefinite. She will resent you for it. I resent my own ex for it, for sure (but in my mind, it's a matter of the a…
/r/Divorce_Men12/10/21 11:46 PM
3

Child support would certainly end when your kids turn 18. In my state (Oregon), after the kids turn 18 they each get their share of CS paid directly to them until they turn 21, provided they are enrolled in school. It's ok, I was planning on paying for their college anyway. But I just wanted to correct this statement.
/r/Divorce_Men12/10/21 11:35 PM
1

What you're asking is, would men rather be a "bad boy" or a husband material. It depends on what the man wants to be. But the issue is that there are many men that are "husband material" and really would prefer to have been bad boys, like previous ex's. When given evidence for their role in life, many resent being categorized that way.
/r/PurplePillDebate09/10/21 05:14 PM
12

Dr should be dating 10 years younger than him, since that's his preference and now he has the money to attract those women.
/r/PurplePillDebate08/10/21 03:28 AM
4

There is a strategic advantage to blindsiding her as well. As long as you're married, either one of you can move finances--they are shared, after all. She might be able to claw some of them back later, but it puts her on the defensive. OTOH, in the reverse, she can do the same to you. If you confront her, she could drain your bank account while you're working through the process. You might be able to claw them back later, but the law is pretty murky until you're actually legally separated or div…
/r/Divorce_Men06/10/21 06:22 PM
3

Who cares? He still has the right to leave. He doesn't owe her anything, either. Even supposing she had a legit reason, went on a strike, he could still bail because the relationship was over at that point.
/r/PurplePillDebate06/10/21 06:52 AM
16

I wouldn't date someone who constantly pressured me into having sex when I didn't want to. You shouldn't. Hard agree. And they shouldn't date you, either.
/r/PurplePillDebate06/10/21 06:49 AM
32

lol true source: I have a women friend that I desperately want to bang, but she has clearly fzoned me and has no interest. She says "you're a catch" whenever I complain about dating. Thx hon. A catch for someone, just not you, huh?
/r/PurplePillDebate03/10/21 03:39 PM
3

Chances are that a guy like this would not take the lead anywhere else in their relationship too. So you basically are looking for someone to take charge of your life because you don't know how to live it on your own. I admire the courage of the women that approach me, and I'm glad that they know what they want from life. I hope that, should something develop, they demonstrate that same kind of aggressiveness and ambition elsewhere. I think you're trying to justify laying back and being pursued,…
/r/PurplePillDebate29/09/21 03:33 PM
2

That's true in my state as well. CS is based on supporting the kid's existing lifestyle, and how much each parent is responsible to that support depends on how much they were each contributing to the kid's financial support at the time of separation.
/r/Divorce_Men28/09/21 09:44 PM
3

What happens to her? That's her problem, like any other adult.
/r/Divorce_Men28/09/21 09:41 PM
2

Nobody should be forced to be injected with something in order to keep their job. The courts don't agree with you, and there is precedence. https://news.bloomberglaw.com/us-law-week/the-supreme-court-vaccine-case-jacobson-v-mass-explained
/r/Divorce_Men28/09/21 09:40 PM
3

She can still earn that much if she got vaccinated or found a similar job that didn't require it. She will have to file for a modification of support, in which event you will both have the opportunity to assert your ability, or reasonable hindrances, to making a like or reduced income. Whether or not the court will agree that refusing vaxx is a reasonable impediment to finding replacement employment is something the judge will have to determine. I would guess that they won't be sympathetic, howe…
/r/Divorce_Men28/09/21 05:32 PM
4

You don't owe her shit. She is presumably a functioning adult that now needs to depend on herself, just like when she was single. You got the truck but presumably she was made whole by some other marital equity share. In any event, you don't "owe" her anything more than you'd give to any other acquaintance. You might facilitate the visits only because you believe them to be good for the child, in which case you feel that their mother's lack of transport should not be to their disadvantage. But t…
/r/Divorce_Men27/09/21 05:45 PM
1

I stopped caring about other people's judgement of me, and do what feels right for myself. I'm neither going to be shamed into a relationship, not shamed to stay in one that doesn't make me happy. One of my favorite movies that explores this dynamic is The Lobster.
/r/PurplePillDebate27/09/21 05:09 PM
3

You're going to wind up in the money pit for sure if you try to represent yourself. Also, the documentation of her infidelity does or doesn't matter depending on the state. Her involvement with the kids matters more.
/r/Divorce_Men27/09/21 04:35 PM
5

You can still talk to a lawyer to determine if you're getting screwed without bringing them into the negotiation directly. If she gets any notion of needing to feather her retirement nest, esp now that she will need to support herself, she's going to hammer you on child support, asset division, and potentially lifetime support.
/r/Divorce_Men19/09/21 07:42 PM
7

I find it hard to imagine a scenario in which I'd want to cohabitate with someone again, let alone get married again.
/r/Divorce_Men18/09/21 09:16 PM
1

Realize that you deserve to have a personality and interests other than being a father. They're going to leave home some day, consider this practice for that day.
/r/Divorce_Men15/09/21 07:19 PM
2

You're saying that men that choose to live without the need for validation from women are cowards? You're saying that women are a problem that need to be addressed? I reject both of those stipulations. The first is usually made by women that are fearful that men will learn to live without them, so attempt to shame them back into submissiveness so they can be controlled.
/r/PurplePillDebate14/09/21 09:02 PM
3

You're conflating the philosophy with the community.
/r/PurplePillDebate14/09/21 07:38 AM
3

sure, why not. Learning independence is not a bad thing, unless you're someone that feels like they should be depended on.
/r/PurplePillDebate14/09/21 01:26 AM
6

Or just MGTOW and opt out if you don't think it's worth the effort.
/r/PurplePillDebate13/09/21 09:06 PM
2

You could also try to move to a state in which lifetime alimony isn't an option, to prevent that risk. As for NW, if you start hiding it now, in stages, it'll be hard(er) for her to claim later. Martial assets are by and large free for either party to dispose up until divorce; when you're moving towards separation ofc it's an argument. But years in advance are less so, and then it's really only what she can find.
/r/Divorce_Men13/09/21 09:05 PM
3

It's interesting that "met through non-work hobbies" isn't even listed.
/r/PurplePillDebate13/09/21 04:51 PM
3

Telling my ex I was done was the hardest thing I've had to do in my life.
/r/Divorce_Men11/09/21 05:09 AM
1

I'm currently 1/3 me 2/3 "for purposes of calculation" but I actually have 50/50 time. I'm arguing for a true up accounting for real time as my job has changed and I don't need the flexibility any longer.
/r/Divorce_Men09/09/21 10:49 PM
3

What's with them and just trying to take control without reason? I think it's fear driven by loss, so they seek to keep ahold of any levers they can reach to keep from losing their children / becoming homeless. Raised without the sense of being able to rely on themselves, and seeing the source of their support be taken away, they don't have the courage of depending on themselves trained into them like men are. Therefore they start grasping for anything they can reach in order to keep from starva…
/r/Divorce_Men09/09/21 09:39 PM
3

Mine demanded that she be "primary" custody instead of joint, then tried to get me to do Drs appts. I said that if she would give me joint, then I'd share that load as well. She declined so I don't do any of that hassle.
/r/Divorce_Men09/09/21 09:04 PM
9

It's offtopic, but I continue to be surprised that women expect men to make money, but not to take on liabilities necessary to make that money. She intends to enjoy the CS that you provide as a consequence of having a different income, but resents that you have to pay daycare to be able to do the work to make that income. It just demonstrates that women take our income for granted, without understanding that we need to actually spend the time from our lives to make that income. Mine gets huffed …
/r/Divorce_Men09/09/21 08:26 PM
2

You can ask your lawyer for more details In my state of Oregon there is an online calculator that is very straightforward, which makes it difficult to argue with. Lawyers must hate it, but no fear we can argue about the "fair" amount of alimony until we're both out of money.
/r/Divorce_Men09/09/21 07:53 PM
6

Does that by itself mean i have to give her money? Depends on the state, but yes. Both time division and financial disparity are often factors into determining the amount of CS. As are contributions towards medical and daycare.
/r/Divorce_Men09/09/21 06:37 PM
5

You can have a lawyer review it even if you don't directly involve them in the negotiation process. I did just that, and he kept my head screwed on when I didn't know what day of the week it was.
/r/Divorce_Men07/09/21 05:13 PM
2

IME it really depends on the age of the kids, and/or if the other parent is in the picture. basically, arranging dates with someone that has kids that aren't old enough to be left alone, or don't have alternate care arrangements that can be used, let alone overnight, is a PITA and rarely worth the hassle. That said, kids aren't of that age for forever.
/r/PurplePillDebate02/09/21 08:00 PM
1

I think this is kind of a ridiculous question. I have some RP beliefs and some BP beliefs. I'm not going to say that I'm firmly in either camp, as I think that real humans resist categorization. NAWALT, unironically. Many or most might be, and RP alerts me to that. But also people are simply more complicated than all that. If that wasn't true you'd only see people of the same attractiveness, n-counts, and interests aligned with each other.
/r/PurplePillDebate01/09/21 07:02 PM
17

I'd probably go to bed with a different women every night for a month or so, and then get utterly exhausted and bored by it. I assume that's why women treat it the way they do, they just get there faster.
/r/PurplePillDebate28/08/21 05:32 PM
2

This is a numbers game, focus on quantity Ugh. I'm not at all sure that it's worth the effort, tbh.
/r/PurplePillDebate24/08/21 07:46 PM
1

By asserting that she was in your range, and if believes you to be less than her range, you have implicitly reduced her score and she will take offense to that. If a 4M approaches a 7F, the F has the choice to either accept that she too is a 4, or that the 4M is deluded. She reacts negatively to either choice. Now she might not actually be a 7, but is herself a 4F, and is herself deluded. But realistically men attempt to punch above their weight much more often than punch in their own weight cla…
/r/PurplePillDebate24/08/21 07:40 PM
–

I mean, it depends. You can do poly now I'd that's your swing. But the women generally do better than the men.
/r/PurplePillDebate24/08/21 03:04 AM
–

I won't accept that as true without a source.
/r/PurplePillDebate23/08/21 10:15 PM
–

It depends on the period and culture. Adultery was accepted in some of the more notorious time periods of France, serving as the plot vehicle for a number of works, like Three Musketeers and I recall even a Poe short story dealing with it. Not in a scandalized way, but more as a "how do we deal with this elephant in the room" way.
/r/PurplePillDebate23/08/21 10:15 PM
4

We only argue about money, and we do that through lawyers (which costs even more money). One of the things that she wanted was "primary" instead of "shared" custody. I said that I'd only accept responsibility to get them to their drs appts et al if we had "shared" custody, but she refused and so now can make those decisions as well as be responsible for their appts. Fortunately, we agree on pretty much everything done anyway.
/r/Divorce_Men23/08/21 03:06 AM
1

You really have to determine what your goals are. If your desire is casual sex instead of an LTR really impacts your chances as an average attractive male, and vice versa.
/r/PurplePillDebate19/08/21 04:35 AM
5

You want literal news releases wherein women complain to the press about not being able to find dates?
/r/PurplePillDebate16/08/21 10:43 PM
5

Theoretically, if a woman (or man) has slept around a lot intuitively one would expect that they don't place particular high value on sexual intimacy as a bonding emotional agent. The physical relationship with a committed partner simply isn't special in its own right. Anecdotally, I've personally seen that occur, but with low N count women as well. Therefore, for there to be emotional bonding inside a relationship, it's probably best not to depend on the specialness of sexytime, as if either pa…
/r/PurplePillDebate12/08/21 08:04 PM
1

so long as she loves me and remains loyal The contention is that women with high N counts find it more difficult to remain loyal over time, because they know what the other is like and at some level want to keep chasing it. Anecdotally, I've seen both high and low N count women eventually be disloyal and crave the strange D, so I'm not sure it correlates at all, actually.
/r/PurplePillDebate12/08/21 07:59 PM
3

The most direct route is to hire a pro, frankly. OLD for hookups is generally only available for dudes two decades younger than you, at least in my experience. And believe me I tried. If you have kids and want to be sure to avoid a solicitation beef which she could use against you for custody, travel internationally and I'd recommend Thailand. I haven't checked recent covid travel restrictions, however. But literally the plane ticket there is about the same price as a US domestic SW for an hour …
/r/Divorce_Men12/08/21 07:52 PM
3

I go between putting it down altogether to swiping when I'm on the shitter. Just try to not get too wrapped up in it.
/r/Divorce_Men09/08/21 08:46 PM
2

What are you saying "no" too? She probably does want to take the kids away for Christmas. You can't deny that desire, I'm sure it's legit. She's implied a question, but hasn't actually asked anything that requires a response.
/r/Divorce_Men07/08/21 07:35 PM
6

She's not asking a question, she's making a statement from her own desires instead of established grey rock reality, and she knows she's in a weaker position with all that so is hoping you won't notice and will just yield, just like she managed the emotional boundaries during your marriage. If she was earnest and respectful, she would have said "I'd like to take the kids for Christmas this year, but I know you have custody, so this is what I will offer. Do you agree?" I'd respond with "Negotiabl…
/r/Divorce_Men07/08/21 07:32 PM
2

You're not wrong in spirit but you're wrong in approach. There is harm that is being proposed, make no doubt. If you are flexible to negotiate then you should counter with a "what are you willing to give in exchange". But to assume that no harm is being done assume that you are in a weaker position.
/r/Divorce_Men07/08/21 07:28 PM
1

You're arguing a position that you yourself don't believe in. I doubt that you can faithfully represent that perspective, so I'm not going to engage with you on it.
/r/PurplePillDebate06/08/21 05:08 AM
2

So that just proves the point that many in Thailand approve of the access to easy sex, and have learned to account for that factor in their emotional lives.
/r/PurplePillDebate06/08/21 05:07 AM
1

lol I didn't say that at all, but nice try engaging in a logical fallacy.
/r/PurplePillDebate06/08/21 05:05 AM
1

Then you're just suggesting a straw man. Are they different? Someone tell me why. Sounds like that won't be you, though.
/r/PurplePillDebate06/08/21 02:07 AM
2

That's hardly in doubt. Interestingly, Thailand has a renowned sex trade chiefly because thai wives accept that their husbands will be compelled to stray, and they'd rather it be with a prozz than something serious that might damage the marriage. Acceptance = middling tolerance, in that case. I'm not sure it's better but the western divorce rate speaks for itself. Would men be less likely to divorce if they had a discrete extramarital release? Would women?
/r/PurplePillDebate06/08/21 02:04 AM
2

generations of women might not end up living to their full potential Who is defining what is meant by "full potential"? You? Maybe these women don't agree with that definition.
/r/PurplePillDebate05/08/21 11:21 PM
4

Because there are plenty of high libido women who would love to be partnered up. yo, help a brother out. They are hard to find in their 50s, and I've been looking. We could go into the difference between the convenience of a prostitute and the commitment of a relationship, but that wasn't the point you were making, I don't think.
/r/PurplePillDebate05/08/21 11:20 PM
1

Right. So is SW a fundamental different kind of control? I went to work today. My boss told me what to do with my body and my mind. I was paid for it. If I didn't agree to the terms, I'd quit. Prostitutes are paid for their body too. Their resource is more limited and precious, so they demand and receive more pay than I received today. They can also quit if they don't agree to the terms; if they can't quit they are being trafficked, but I don't believe that's synonymous with prostitution.
/r/PurplePillDebate05/08/21 11:17 PM
15

The entire sub is about finding ATMs and simps. There is not a lot of discussion on how to build healthy relationships.
/r/PurplePillDebate05/08/21 04:52 PM
15

I wouldn't want a world where my daughter Isn't it supposed to be about what she wants?
/r/PurplePillDebate05/08/21 04:47 PM
17

They moreso see it as another means by which men can control females through financial manipulation. Manipulating people through financial control is fundamental to capitalism. Women are just less familiar with it because they entered the workforce relatively recently.
/r/PurplePillDebate05/08/21 04:46 PM
1

The language around sex is entirely comodified [sic] This is basically Brave New World.
/r/PurplePillDebate03/08/21 05:21 PM
5

I'm there too, except I'm paying 100% of net. I fault the female judge. If I didn't have savings I'd be homeless. I'm not out of appeals but I'm running out.
/r/Divorce_Men03/08/21 02:28 AM
1

They feel like that's part of patriarchy and oppression and even call it out as such. But how many of them split the check.
/r/PurplePillDebate26/07/21 02:15 PM
2

Clearly. But that doesn't mean that men disrespect women. It just means that they don't like you personally. Sorry, but they don't owe you platonic companionship just because it's something that you want. You'll either crack the code by observation, or you'll learn to do without their company. I suspect that you are accustomed to men spending time with you on your terms, because they'll be willing to do so when they think there's a potential for a romantic relationship. But you have no idea how …
/r/PurplePillDebate22/07/21 05:09 PM
3

So why then do i as a woman have to be expected sexual favors from simply because of my gender. You don't. I'm not saying that. I'm saying that if you're not offering sexual favors, you need to offer something else that men value. If men are walking away from you, it sounds to me like you're not offering them something else that they want. You may actually be surprised by the things that men value, as they are often very different than the things women value. It's not that they disrespect women.…
/r/PurplePillDebate22/07/21 03:38 PM
2

Lol I don't know what you're expecting, exactly. If you concede the above, you're agreeing that you don't really enjoy men's company either. But you want to be friends with them on your terms basically, without offering something that they want as well? It sounds like you friendzoned some dude who got butthurt and trash talked you. I'm sorry for that and its uncool behavior of him. He doesn't owe you friendship, but he should just have dipped out. the tl;dr is that if men think they have a shot …
/r/PurplePillDebate22/07/21 03:25 PM
3

Why cant a man just see a woman simply as platonic company? Because women are often pretty shit company, and expect more than you receive. You want to hang out, play some xbox, shoot some hoops? Talk about exactly nothing, like fantasy football teams? No? If you think I want to go shopping or have a cup of coffee, I got better things to do--which means more enjoyable ways to spend my time that most women simply don't similarly enjoy.
/r/PurplePillDebate22/07/21 02:56 PM
5

If they're that confused and dumb, why do we let them vote? Have financial responsibility? Etc? Before you suggest that men should have the same standard: they did, until we realized that we were sending 18 year old men off to die in Vietnam without the ability to vote regarding it.
/r/PurplePillDebate22/07/21 02:56 AM
3

I had several female friends binge it, but I couldn't get past a second episode. I don't enjoy watching other humans be depraved, unless it's set in a fictional format that has authorial intent. I see enough natural human depravity that doesn't serve a point around me already, that I don't need another example of it.
/r/PurplePillDebate21/07/21 04:11 AM
1

I think you are mistaking people finding that type of drama entertaining with people actually engaging in that type of behavior I agree. Just because it's represented in popular media does not mean that that's the common lived experience. That's like saying that everyone with an RV makes meth because someone with an RV made meth in Breaking Bad.
/r/PurplePillDebate21/07/21 04:08 AM
1

cynical response: This seems like a lot of words that just reiterate that men generally want to bang their women friends. They just may be playing the long game. And that even if men are FZ it can pay to wait to out and see if you can get out of it. It's not a hard boundary, but a soft one. It'd be very interesting to know how the relationship is perceived at the beginning by each gender, and how that's different, and then how it changes over time. romantic response: It makes total sense that th…
/r/PurplePillDebate20/07/21 07:03 PM
0

You’d also fuck a chainsaw updoot for that visual. Also, you're not wrong
/r/PurplePillDebate20/07/21 07:14 AM
0

"I had rather hear my dog bark at a crow than a man swear he loves me." Beatrice, Much Ado about Nothing, Shakespeare
/r/PurplePillDebate20/07/21 06:57 AM
6

How do you see all of this unfolding? I think we're about 2/3 generations behind Japan. Which is basically a society of lonely, desperate, childless, people; and following that, a shortfall of new labor and then finally a population implosion. What our government does to correct for a shortfall of new young laborers remains to be seen, but I have little confidence it will be corrected. Managing and correcting for a societal change like this is hardly their strength as it requires nuance and unde…
/r/PurplePillDebate17/07/21 06:04 PM
-1

That just isn't true.
/r/PurplePillDebate17/07/21 06:01 PM
1

Prostitution is a huge validation and ego boost for men. Being able to compel a woman to do whatever I want through a relatively moderate expense--generally about what I make in a day--is itself a validation of my power. Sure she makes in an hour what I make in a day, so she's objectively doing 8x as better. She's left with the validation that she can compel men to give her money; I have the validation that I can compel women with money. Some women are turned on by expensive dinners and flashy c…
/r/PurplePillDebate15/07/21 06:51 AM
–

Let people live their own life. when have women allowed men to "live their own life" lol?
/r/PurplePillDebate13/07/21 04:54 PM
1

I hate being asked out when I’m sending out all the “dont fucking talk to me vibes” As a rule it's not that men are ignoring those vibes, it's that they aren't even aware of them. At all.
/r/PurplePillDebate13/07/21 03:15 AM
9

Women would have to compete if men weren't such simps for mates. This is entirely something that men can control on their own without expecting some kind of change in women's behavior.
/r/PurplePillDebate10/07/21 05:43 PM
6

And now I could count on one hand how many times I got asked out by a guy. It is extremely rare for guys to be asked out by women at all. So your exception proves the rule.
/r/PurplePillDebate01/07/21 08:08 PM
14

You didn't even flinch talking about a guy literally beating his wife. Like it just doesn't even register that this should be stopped. You didn't even flinch when you barely acknowledged that female on male violence happens. You discounted it right away.
/r/PurplePillDebate01/07/21 03:33 AM
2

Its not about doing it but about talking about it that makes you a weirdo. Women talk about it all the time with much less repercussion.
/r/PurplePillDebate28/06/21 06:03 PM
2

So it's OK to sell sex, but illegal to buy it? That's called the Nordic model, and yes. It's the common approach in many countries. There is a lot of push for that here, as one of the varieties of decrim. Sex Workers themselves seem to be largely against it, actually, as it still comes with lots of problems that then effect them indirectly.
/r/PurplePillDebate28/06/21 06:02 PM
1

As I think more about it, I think it's overall women's revulsion for men's sexual conduct. I think women generally want to maintain a monopoly on sex, because it's the source of their power over men. Therefore, they shame men that seek sex relief elsewhere, as it diminishes their power. That's why male sex toys are gross, male masturbation and porn is gross, and largely why johns are reviled. Although there's more going on with johns than just that, including a legitimate concern that it's promu…
/r/PurplePillDebate28/06/21 05:59 PM
23

I wear crocs. eww gross. /s
/r/PurplePillDebate28/06/21 05:54 PM
1

One guy actually said that he wanted sex by date 2, but would be willing to wait until date 4 if I also paid for his dinner fucking gross. if he's making it that transactional, he's just looking for a prostitute on the cheap. It's a wonder men can manage to get laid at all.
/r/PurplePillDebate27/06/21 05:24 AM
1

both are being ridiculous and unrealistic? You can set whatever standards you want, but you also must accept that that could rule out actually everyone, so you have a very real possibility of dying alone. I don't personally think that that's the worst thing in the world either, but it's against the goals of lots of folks. Worse, OP finds a dude that she likes well enough and tries to change his attitude towards porn after the fact. Then she's just projecting her delusion onto him. At least she's…
/r/PurplePillDebate25/06/21 05:03 PM
-1

OFC not, but they should come to understand that those terms will cause them to be single. If that's their preference, it's their preference.
/r/PurplePillDebate25/06/21 02:23 AM
1

I don't, no. I look at top hits for my favorite categories. There is only one pornstar I recognize, and she's since retired. This isn't a common topic with my male friends, so I guess I don't have any idea how common it is. The comments under videos often recognize the talent, so it may be more common than not, I guess.
/r/PurplePillDebate25/06/21 01:49 AM
1

I’m sure there are enough men that do not watch porn bet. I believe that something like 95% of (western) men watch porn at least 3x a week.
/r/PurplePillDebate25/06/21 01:47 AM
2

It kills motivation period, for everything So? Is that a problem for anyone besides the dude?
/r/PurplePillDebate25/06/21 01:42 AM
6

It's so easy to tell which men don't use IG, like come on, none of the men I've been with even know how to work the damn thing I have no idea how it works, and I even worked at FB when FB bought IG. I just don't get it. And don't get me started on pinterest or snapchat.
/r/PurplePillDebate25/06/21 01:38 AM
3

can't go more than a month without consuming it. lmao. Most men look at porn probably once a day. I'd consider an addiction to be if and when it interrupts their other activities, like they can no longer get it up without porn, or they don't do other activities because they're too busy with porn. A man masturbating only once a month would almost certainly have something clinically wrong with his hormones/libido.
/r/PurplePillDebate25/06/21 01:34 AM
11

Women can want whatever they want. But if they don't want to date a guy that watches porn, they have to accept that this will remove something like 95% of the dating pool and they are consequently much more likely to wind up alone.
/r/PurplePillDebate25/06/21 01:26 AM
3

Suddenly women should ignore what they consider to be your flaws. Because they're apples and oranges?
/r/PurplePillDebate25/06/21 01:24 AM
1

I've agree with your pro-male sexuality posts above, but this doesn't feel right to me. As a 51M myself, I can honestly say I don't have a collection, even of URLs. I just go to my favorite porn sites for freshies.
/r/PurplePillDebate25/06/21 01:21 AM
1

I don't have a porn "collection" since after it was immediately available on the internet. I'd rather search up freshies every day than have a collection on my HD or wherever. I think that's more common now.
/r/PurplePillDebate25/06/21 01:17 AM
4

This is why God invented the Oxford comma. It's difficult to tell if OP has an issue with porn altogether, or only has an issue when the porn consumption has become an issue. If she truly doesn't want a guy that watches porn, which is what I believe FDS considers a characteristic of a HVM, she's either looking for a girlfriend or for a man that will hide their porn consumption.
/r/PurplePillDebate25/06/21 01:14 AM
8

outside of sex women offer literally nothing to men That's simply not true. Many women think that they offer a lot more than they actually do, but a good partner will have perspective, insight, and even a different understanding of life that can balance a man and round out the partnership. I've learned from the women I've been in relationships with. How much that learning is actually worth is something of a question, but it wasn't only for sex.
/r/PurplePillDebate25/06/21 01:11 AM
1

Right? Following Instagram strippers is a dealbreaker? I guess enjoy your boxed wine and cats. OP is expecting some kind of imaginary male, ruined by the worst of mass media about what prince charming will look like. I personally don't, but only because I think instagram is boring, not because I have any personal compunction about it.
/r/PurplePillDebate25/06/21 12:38 AM
9

dudes love them because they show a lot of skin, imply that it's warm weather which is itself arousing, and provides easy access to the Nice Bits which is at least arousing in concept if not in practice. Same thing goes for skirts. source: am a dude
/r/PurplePillDebate24/06/21 04:12 PM
4

A good looking dude can pull of a clean t-shirt better than a heavy not-good looking dude for sure. Therefore it's better for the heavier dude to make more of an effort.
/r/PurplePillDebate24/06/21 04:07 PM
1

Also associated Which is just invented, you have to admit. That's like saying that women that wear red lipstick are sexually more competent than those that don't.
/r/PurplePillDebate24/06/21 04:05 PM
9

"practical and comfortable" is the enemy of attractive fashion. It's true for women too, which is why they don't get ANY pockets on their jeans. I wear my cargo shorts when I have things to do, or picknicking, or whatever. I wear normal shorts when I'm on the town but it's too hot for jeans.
/r/PurplePillDebate24/06/21 04:04 PM
2

Cards is a nice step. It shows thoughtfulness without a lot of expense. Thanks for the tip.
/r/Divorce_Men22/06/21 12:47 AM
3

Thanks for the response! Even when we were together as parents we were pretty lackadaisical about how to approach this, the effort didn't seem to be worth it. But now it seems like there would be a benefit to having some structure, more about teaching the kids how to respect important individuals in their life in order to keep those individuals in their life in the future, than about me wanting to show respect to my ex-spouse. I'd assume mine would reciprocate and guide the kids towards reciproc…
/r/Divorce_Men21/06/21 06:45 PM
6

More and more women would rather die alone than ever settle or be with a male they don’t deem worthy. Now that women are no longer shackled to males and can live independently, I don’t think any of them I tend to agree. I do think it complicates child raising, though. Being a single parent is just not fun.
/r/PurplePillDebate18/06/21 10:04 PM
13

Women might think: good riddance, we don't want them anyway. However, the fact remains that there are just about as many women as men. For every man that leaves the market, that's one woman that won't be able to find a husband, and will have a more difficult time raising a family. If she doesn't want to do that in the first place, then we've reached a mutual agreement--men will drop out and do their own low effort things, and women will go on to run business and politics. Have at it. But for tho…
/r/PurplePillDebate18/06/21 04:15 PM
2

I understood you, and I think you have reasonable standards for your friendships. But you might also be surprised by the standards your own women friends set for their potential matches. I honestly wonder if they would meet your own expectations, but perhaps you have been selective enough in your friend matching that they do.
/r/PurplePillDebate17/06/21 05:38 PM
0

for a laugh, if you have single women friends, ask to see their profiles too.
/r/PurplePillDebate17/06/21 05:24 PM
7

It came up because I was asking my (female) therapist why all of these fucking women are so fucking crazy on OLD. And she was all "well your mom was pretty crazy too lol. It's not that ALL women are crazy, just the ones that you're attracted to. That's what you expect to be normal." And there's a ton of truth to that. If I met a gal that seriously had all of her shit together, was normal and sane, no drama--honestly I'd either be bored, or be waiting for the shoe to drop on the secret drama that…
/r/PurplePillDebate17/06/21 05:23 PM
4

Is that different than how women treat potential partners, or do you unfriend them too?
/r/PurplePillDebate17/06/21 05:07 PM
2

Because he has standards? That's unforgiveable?
/r/PurplePillDebate17/06/21 04:59 PM
9

these men on this sub and their encounters with women who definitely have BPD stunt their perceptions of other women. For sure. My therapist pointed it out, and actually said that since my mother was BPD that I tend to be attracted to BPD women, and it's really no wonder why. However, let's flip the script as we so like to do on PPD: it's the interactions that women have had with men that are aggressive that stunts their perception of other men.
/r/PurplePillDebate17/06/21 04:57 PM
2

So you're saying you'll hurt these women?
/r/PurplePillDebate17/06/21 06:57 AM
8

men with that character should opt out, theyre losers with loser mentalities You're just not worth crawling over broken glass for. There are men that will anyway, and you're welcome to them. Go make babies, or whatever. I'll just opt out over here and live my best life without someone that believes that they deserve to be put on a pedestal forever.
/r/PurplePillDebate16/06/21 04:06 PM
1

What we need each other for is different than having "no value". I take that approach to dating. I would enjoy having a woman in my life, as they bring value and perspective that I don't already have. But I don't "need" one in my life, outside of sex. When you start externalizing your dependencies you put yourself in a precarious mental state, ime. I try to rely on myself for everything that I need, and add others for flavor. Believing that I "need" to receive something from someone else is to g…
/r/PurplePillDebate13/06/21 05:55 PM
0

believing that men are dependent on women partners for anything else is what's fucked up.
/r/PurplePillDebate13/06/21 05:30 PM
2

The premise of OP is kinda ridiculous. Who's blaming this entirely on women?
/r/PurplePillDebate12/06/21 04:12 PM
0

I'm 51, and no, I haven't. I could accept the above statistic of 1 in 5, less those alienated by the mother, in principle. But no I don't know any fathers personally that walked away from their kids, besides my own father 35 years ago.
/r/PurplePillDebate12/06/21 04:11 PM
2

They come at him for his apparent lack of being able to put his penis in a girl. It’s an immediate disqualification of not only whatever he was saying but it’s also meant to make him appear as a lowly clown. You know that's a relatively recent phenomenon, only since the sexual liberation of the 60s. Before that, it was perfectly respectable to be a life long bachelor--sometimes even envied. That said, it's a recent cultural construct and could be undone as easily. It's not some innate biological…
/r/PurplePillDebate12/06/21 03:56 PM
1

so?
/r/PurplePillDebate12/06/21 03:50 PM
2

noliesdetected.jpg
/r/PurplePillDebate12/06/21 03:49 PM
3

I didn't say toxic men. I said toxic masculinity. You need new reading glasses. If you don't think that women can engage in toxic masculinity as well as, or even as much as, men do, you need your worldview to be calibrated by experience.
/r/PurplePillDebate12/06/21 05:44 AM
22

Learn to cope with their inadequacy? The notion that you're inadequate if you can't get laid is the very definition of toxic masculinity.
/r/PurplePillDebate11/06/21 10:31 PM
1

I agree with OP. I wonder if you have a source to support that "couples" and not just hookups are primarily occurring off of swipe apps. I hear a lot more frustration than I read about success stories, but it could also be selection bias.
/r/PurplePillDebate09/06/21 08:13 PM
3

I love Scott Pilgrim, but the biggest glaring flaw with the movie is the conceit that someone that looks like Michael Cera could land chicks like Envy and Ramona. He cheats on Knives and is like "whoops". You have to admit that Vegan Todd is a better fit for Envy, and Gideon is a better fit for Ramona. I mean, come on. He's not even that particularly nice or attentive. His only redeeming quality is being able to play the guitar, and the rest of the time is moping around.
/r/PurplePillDebate08/06/21 05:42 PM
1

Because he brings other value than financial security. There are other valued men bring, you know.
/r/PurplePillDebate27/05/21 11:12 PM
1

so generate the "financial security" on your own?
/r/PurplePillDebate27/05/21 09:46 PM
2

I'm trying to say that I think the issue is that men that resent being freindzoned to the point of deriding as being an emotional tampon don't really want to be just another friend. They want a relationship. How often does being FZ and being an et actually lead to a deeper romantic relationship because she finally realizes your emotional worth and seeks to expand it into a full blown romantic relationship? I've head of anecdotal examples, so it's not impossible. I just think it's rare. I general…
/r/PurplePillDebate27/05/21 04:41 AM
2

The issue is when the man doesn't want or need more friends, his dance card is full. What he wants or needs is a romantic partner. Women are the same way--they have plenty of friends, and don't want another shoulder to cry on, or be cried on. They want someone that they could consider living with. Whether or not those are mutually exclusive, or if one kind of relationship eventually develops into another, is a different topic.
/r/PurplePillDebate27/05/21 03:49 AM
1

I, too, disagree with OP. I think it's an un nuanced position that requires that men be either only friends or only romantically interested. I'm not "wasting my time" with women that I find interesting in their own right, even if sex is of the table, even if hypothetically I would have sex with them if the situation were to present itself. There are more than two sides to that coin, and choosing the answer is not mutually exclusive. Brains and emotions aren't strictly binary like that. And many …
/r/PurplePillDebate25/05/21 04:50 PM
-1

this may blow your mind, but men can hold multiple thoughts and have several goals, simultaneously. I have friendships with women and I legit enjoy their platonic company. They give me insights, particularly into emotional behavior, and I'd be worse off without those insights. I like having them in my life. I'd also sleep with all of them if the situation were to present itself. I can want both things, they aren't mutually exclusive. I'm not "faking" being friends just because I am also open to …
/r/PurplePillDebate25/05/21 04:30 PM
5

I frankly don't think women should contribute to this thread, as they can't reasonably know what is actually in the mind of their male friends. You might be surprised, you might not.
/r/PurplePillDebate25/05/21 04:15 PM
1

Hm that's a good point. I (51M) have several long distance female friends that I maintain regular contact with. I would probably sleep with them if given the opportunity, but with each there is little chance it'd happen. I value their friendship anyway. But I'm also single and recently divorced. If I were to get into a serious (co hab) relationship with a woman, it'd be harder to justify even to myself the time I spent with those friends. Seems like it'd be somewhat less hard to justify the time…
/r/PurplePillDebate25/05/21 03:58 PM
1

In fact, it's relatively new for many even western cultures for genders to interact AT ALL outside of direct familial relationships.
/r/PurplePillDebate25/05/21 03:51 PM
2

Some men actually like some women as people and share interests with them and not just want them for sex. I don't think that answers the question though. Would these men sleep with you, if they could? I think they might want to, regardless of how they present themselves, and that would be uknowable to you.
/r/PurplePillDebate25/05/21 03:44 PM
1

I (51M) am friends with several women that are long distance. Whether or not I spend "significant" time with them I dunno, but I've visited them and they've visited me several times. I text or call each probably once a week, maybe a little less, like twice a month. The degree of my sexual interest is a spectrum--I would probably sleep with any of them if the situation arose, but for a variety of reasons it's clearly off the table with each. I'm not simping or orbiting, I value their friendship o…
/r/PurplePillDebate25/05/21 03:40 PM
1

I get that stress et al makes it harder to achieve, but there's a discernible physical component of a women's orgasm, yes? It's not all psychosomatic. The implication by OP is that it's all psychological, therefore a woman might be having a legit orgasm in the absence of a physical reaction. But when i get it right, the women that I've been with that have credibly told me that they had an orgasm had a discernible physical reaction. IOW, if there hasn't been a physical response, the lady hasn't m…
/r/PurplePillDebate21/05/21 11:47 PM
2

It depends, women’s orgasm is in her head. I don't think that's remotely true. I'd like to hear from some ladies on that.
/r/PurplePillDebate21/05/21 11:11 PM
5

Tbf, that is just because most men suck at figuring out when women orgasm (probably rarely actually made a girl actually cum). TBF, if they fake it how are you supposed to know that you actually need to get better? Faking an orgasm is doing everyone a dis service.
/r/PurplePillDebate21/05/21 09:01 PM
6

But that is very much a thing of luck so is staying married for life, even if you originally married for love.
/r/PurplePillDebate19/05/21 08:58 PM
7

Why do women always caste men wanting partners who are actually supportive as "wanting a mommy" Do y'all hate men that much Naw, they're just fucking lazy and entitled. They want all of the benefits of a relationship without having to lift a finger to support it.
/r/PurplePillDebate17/05/21 04:35 PM
2

Then that's what you should be mocking them for. The generic single mum with a generic bio isnt necessarily that. The choosing beggars can deserve mockery though I agree with you there. And fwiw I understand why men put up the fishing photo too, but it draws wide condemnation from most women. It's just a mismatch of communication style.
/r/PurplePillDebate17/05/21 01:06 AM
3

Men who include fishing pics in their profiles are rightfully mocked as well, and the mockery is along the lines of "what is he trying to demonstrate? What value would I as a woman see in a fish? Why does he think a woman would be attracted to that? Is that is his best foot forward?" Women on that sub are mocked for thinking that they still don't need to put in any effort into a relationship. That might have been true for them once, but they are mocked for not having the self-awareness to realiz…
/r/PurplePillDebate17/05/21 12:24 AM
4

What in that line of hypothetical profile would a man find attractive? Why would a man swipe on that profile instead of just skipping it? Why would a woman expect at all that a man would want to swipe on that profile based on those details? What's in it for him, what does she think is in it for him? Thinking that she will still match without offering anything is the definition of entitlement, and it's rightly mocked imo.
/r/PurplePillDebate16/05/21 11:55 PM
4

What's so funny about that? How about what she brings to the relationship, instead of setting her expectations for what a partner to her should bring. Women can perhaps get away with setting demands when they have high value. But when they have kids and gain weight, it's the presumption that they continue to still have high value and are able to set their demands that is delusional entitlement.
/r/PurplePillDebate16/05/21 11:45 PM
11

But like, why is there a need to shame them online? It's the entitlement. "Now that I'm ready for you, make an orderly queue to the right." What she might be able to demand in her youth she has not realized she is no longer able to demand, so it's entitlement bordering on delusion. You just ain't all that, hon.
/r/PurplePillDebate16/05/21 11:41 PM
1

You should develop that understanding before you have a kid, yes. And if you fail to, ok. You made a mistake. But the universe doesn't owe you a partner, either. I'm not as bothered by the single motherhood as much as I am the expectation that men should continue to sign themselves up as partners to those mothers. The universe doesn't owe you a mate, and if you don't recognize that you're not owed one in spite of several liabilities, then you're bordering on delusional.
/r/PurplePillDebate16/05/21 11:36 PM
1

I would understand if the single parents has unreasonably high standards but a lot of submissions are just women stating they have a child which is honest. Because they very often expect that any man that swipes right will implicitly want to take on the support of both the mother and the child, and that in fact it's a privilege to do so. Why would a man want to sign up for that kind of deal? Why does she expect that she can reject the father of the kid, and still be able to find another better m…
/r/PurplePillDebate16/05/21 11:33 PM
1

And other people can find it unsettling and reject you as a consequence.
/r/PurplePillDebate15/05/21 05:41 AM
4

Here is it, in simple terms: I also have certain emotional, intellectual qualities that make me unique. I also have money. There are a lot of guys that have more money than I do. If what you value is money, more than my personality, you're likely to pursue those guys if and when you can find them because you want to "trade up." Pursuing money for the sake of money is quite simply the definition of monkey branching, and I rightfully find the emphasis on it unsettling enough that I'm going to be v…
/r/PurplePillDebate14/05/21 04:50 PM
2

Yes, the rich nerd is going to be more attractive than the broke supermodel-esque hotties with older and/or more relationship minded women. The reverse usually isn't true. Why? Why don't men worry about only meeting women that can meet their own lifestyle expectations? The answer is because it's expected that wealthy men will support women into their lifestyle as necessary, but women are much less willing to do the same. How are going to buy a house without money? We haven't even met yet and you…
/r/PurplePillDebate14/05/21 04:41 PM
3

You know what people think?
/r/PurplePillDebate09/05/21 05:59 PM
1

the key difference between a nice guy and a "nice guy" imo is the latter feels like the things he does makes him entitled to sex as a consequence. edit: maybe even commenting on it makes me an autistic retard. I hope so, they seem to get paid more.
/r/PurplePillDebate09/05/21 05:57 PM
5

That's why older men don't want to get married, but have short term relationships
/r/PurplePillDebate09/05/21 05:33 AM
2

It's anecdotally confirmed by my own experience as well the experience of the groups I'm on for older single men. My age demo is older--late 40s and 50s--but in general it remains true. It is the rare male that is seeking (another) relationship to go to LTR and marriage. Assuming OP's perspective as correct, I think the answer is that men tend to figure their shit out by necessity over time, and so by their 50s have it together enough that they don't really need a woman in their lives to hold th…
/r/PurplePillDebate09/05/21 01:59 AM
1

There’s literally no good reason to be in an exclusive ltr with someone. I'm not sure that's completely true. I've struggled with that concept for awhile now. My ideal situationship would be an exclusive LTR that is "Living Apart Together". Exclusivity is safer, and it does inculcate more emotional commitment. I'm not sure it's totally realistic, but that's my goal.
/r/PurplePillDebate08/05/21 04:02 PM
1

Yeah she should because she can still salvage things if she works hard. Mid-40s? Probably not. Die is cast. And what do you mean by "salvage". Is her only value her married status? Doesn't feminism teach us that her value is more than the man to whom she's attached? Therefore her relationship status should be incidental. She has her value, and she gets the value from OP that she gets. Why does she need to be married at all? Besides needing a support system so she can remain unemployed, and a ret…
/r/PurplePillDebate08/05/21 03:58 PM
1

I mean, hopefully she has a good time. NSA sex is like going to the gym, or an amusement park. If that's not satisfactory, then it's not a good idea. It's unclear to me why you'd think that sex could mean more than those things, actually, but clearly they do.
/r/PurplePillDebate08/05/21 03:50 PM
1

I will never forget that. It's a major strike against her, in my estimation. Remember that she was a Secretary of State too, so directly responsible for foreign affairs, including diplomacy by the military. If all she ever considered was the impact of soldier's deaths on the widows, she has an enormous blind spot to the administration of her authority.
/r/PurplePillDebate05/05/21 10:46 PM
5

the Montreal misogynist massacre proves that men are misogynist and women haters, because no man stepped up to protect women (the targets) and even left the room when ordered to by the killer. That comment is idiotic. It's not misogynist to value your own life more than a stranger's, regardless if they're man or woman. That poster was expecting chivalrous behavior, and has been well established, that period is over for lots of good reasons. Women lost men jumping in front of bullets for them, bu…
/r/PurplePillDebate05/05/21 05:29 PM
3

Why would a man want a roommate that he's legally obligated to?
/r/PurplePillDebate04/05/21 11:13 PM
1

I only mentioned it because it was a Big Deal during the debate about gay marriage, and not ever having had a spouse in the hospital I assumed it was a thing.
/r/PurplePillDebate30/04/21 03:26 PM
1

it's the anti-life/any kind of dating for young people I personally don't think you should depend on other people for validation. The sooner you can learn that, the better. I think a great many people of both genders are taught that they're not complete until they've partnered. I think that is dangerous, toxic, co-dependence. Only after you know who you are and what you want, and therefore what you can bring and what you expect, can a healthy and mature committed relationship be made. Arguably y…
/r/PurplePillDebate30/04/21 07:43 AM
1

1) you shouldn't think that dating is over at 35. I'm 50, and yet here I am. 2) if i'd thought more about dating when I was 22, and what I actually wanted and what she was actually likely to offer, maybe I wouldn't be here at 50. tl;dr I sure I wish I had given my relationship more thought and not less. instead I backed into a relationship, backed into marriage, backed into kids, and should have thought about all of those things a lot harder.
/r/PurplePillDebate30/04/21 07:11 AM
2

There are financial benefits, such as a tax advantage, possibility of shared medical coverage. You also have hospital visiting rights. That's about it, imo. Which are vastly outweighed by the financial risk of an adverse divorce judgement.
/r/PurplePillDebate29/04/21 09:11 PM
2

Would you be less attracted to the employed man if he doesn't share any of his resources with you? If he doesn't share, is there a functional difference between him and an unemployed man? If you're only attracted on the condition that he share his resources with you, are you functionally just a prostitute, but with more steps?
/r/PurplePillDebate29/04/21 12:52 AM
4

Also since when do men appreciate being told they are unattractive to women? It's easier to understand being physically unattractive regardless of personality, than it is to be told that regardless of how you look if your personality were good it'd be no problem. The fact is, especially on OLD, your physical attractiveness matters more. Telling men otherwise is giving them false hope. If you can't tell the truth, it's better to say nothing at all.
/r/PurplePillDebate28/04/21 12:51 AM
2

Then why did you fucking ask?
/r/PurplePillDebate28/04/21 12:49 AM
1

So I don't choose single mothers, using your own logic. Hamster away as much as you want.
/r/PurplePillDebate27/04/21 11:11 PM
4

There a lot of women in this thread that are unhappy with men having criteria. "But me being fat/poor/a mother isn't my fault!" No one cares, tough shit. Welcome to dating. It doesn't actually matter what you think you deserve.
/r/PurplePillDebate27/04/21 11:08 PM
3

Poor women aren't attractive any more than poor men are.
/r/PurplePillDebate27/04/21 11:04 PM
2

Sure. You make your own choices in life, as do men. That's what this thread was asking.
/r/PurplePillDebate27/04/21 06:12 PM
1

Also people with hypothyroidism and low energy often can't function on low calories. That's a long way of saying Not My Problem. If that's really your situation, it is what it is. But you're still not owed male attention regardless.
/r/PurplePillDebate27/04/21 06:06 PM
2

I'm curious, what about a woman who has decided to have a child on her own via sperm donor? Assuming you're considering this as an option for yourself, for me it's less about the other father and more that I don't want to be a proxy father for a kid that needs a father figure. Being a father to a single digit kid takes a lot of time, energy, emotional investment. I'm done with that stage of my life and I don't want to return to it until I'm a grandfather, and even then only for hours at a time. …
/r/PurplePillDebate27/04/21 06:04 PM
7

How is that hate?? Hate is the new "you're denying me what I want". I don't hate you, I just hate your fucking kid. The kid is understandably part of the package, which means it's a no on you as well. If the kid somehow isn't part of the package, I take that back-- you've got personal.problems yourself, and I don't care for you directly.
/r/PurplePillDebate27/04/21 05:57 PM
4

Mostly incels Sure, tell yourself that. Men should be categorized and shamed for having a preference against pairing with a woman with a bundle of baggage. Men are allowed preferences too, you know, and not wanting to share resources/time/energy/attention/emotional space with another round of littles is one of them. Sorry that isn't convenient for you.
/r/PurplePillDebate27/04/21 05:56 PM
1

Do you think the child’s age affects a woman’s dating success? For me, absolutely. Once the kids are teenagers and more or less independent, it's not as big a deal.
/r/PurplePillDebate27/04/21 05:53 PM
6

I have seen several single mothers who take good care of themselves and they are just as attractive as married mothers. Me too. Those women can be plenty attractive and engaging. But their kid comes with the package, which is very understandable, but I'm not interested in being a father to a kid at that stage of life. So uninterested that it doesn't matter how well the woman has taken care of herself.
/r/PurplePillDebate27/04/21 05:51 PM
3

At least she's taking care of her own children At least she is and good for her. She probably made difficult choices to get to that place, and I can celebrate that she's doing the right thing for herself and her kid in difficult circumstances. However, I don't owe her and her kid the pleasure of my company, either.
/r/PurplePillDebate27/04/21 05:48 PM
1

Because what's the end stage? I have my own kids. If I wanted more I would have had them. I'd like a relationship, but I don't want to raise another kid. It's not even "someone else's spawn" thing--I just don't want to be a father figure to any kid still in single digits, even if the single mother is otherwise fully responsible for their care and expenses. I'm simply past my playing with dinosaurs and watching disney movie phase, I don't want to return to it, and there are exceedingly few women …
/r/PurplePillDebate27/04/21 05:45 PM
2

Insightful perspective and context on things I'm otherwise ignorant of. On a regular basis. I'd like to learn one new thing everytime we engage. That's about the standard I have to determine if my male friendships are worth maintaining.
/r/PurplePillDebate26/04/21 07:44 PM
15

I had a post removed from that thread for saying that women aren't as liked by men because women aren't as used to having to lead with their personality. They don't have to, for awhile, and men don't require it to associate with them. After women's sexuality diminishes, many women are left with less of a personality than most men desire in their friends. You see this constantly in dating profiles, where women list their wants but not what they can provide. They're not accustomed to having to pro…
/r/PurplePillDebate26/04/21 06:58 PM
5

Cats and box wine. I think Western societies are going to go the way of Japan. I think there's lots of reasons why, but the simple answer is that relationships, let alone kids, require lots of emotional work and, in the case of kids, money and sacrifice. The value of those sacrifices are not apparent in a cultural system that celebrates the individual vs. the community or familial unit. You used to get married and have kids because you were expected to. That expectation is being quickly eroded, …
/r/PurplePillDebate25/04/21 01:15 AM
5

hey, how you doin?
/r/PurplePillDebate22/04/21 12:34 AM
6

Knowing who their 3rd period teacher is, imo, less important than being present in their lives after school.
/r/PurplePillDebate21/04/21 03:58 AM
7

The characteristics you mention don't describe good parenting, either.
/r/PurplePillDebate21/04/21 02:49 AM
1

Does this show that men will betray even the best women for some younger pussy? It doesn't say anything about men in general. It might about Johnny, but one data point != datum for the whole class.
/r/PurplePillDebate17/04/21 05:04 PM
1

I see your point, you're clearly in need of some sex therapy. Might relax you some.
/r/PurplePillDebate17/04/21 06:57 AM
5

I have, and I can't find it, therefore you're wrong.
/r/PurplePillDebate17/04/21 12:35 AM
5

he problem is a lot of men are pathetic betas and think that because they are masturbating they aren't worthy of anything That's because that's what society continually tells them and reinforces. But most of the shaming comes, ironically, from women.
/r/PurplePillDebate17/04/21 12:07 AM
2

Sure, if it can be done in a way that doesn't increase victimization and trafficking. Most legalization arguments and practitioners insist that it would actually reduce victimization, because it'd be done in the open. I'm not 100% sure that's credible, for instance porn is in the open and it has issues with victimization as well. Even mainstream Hollywood has issues with victimization. Then again, no one is suggesting we shut down porn production or Hollywood because of those issues, either.
/r/PurplePillDebate17/04/21 12:05 AM
0

Funny how there aren't any "domestic abuse shelters" for men. It's all about women being victims, but never acknowledging their role as a victimizer.
/r/PurplePillDebate17/04/21 12:03 AM
3

Men here are going to try and equate being a socially inept incel is comparable to people who fought battles [citation needed]
/r/PurplePillDebate17/04/21 12:01 AM
3

I've seen that speculated. In practice, imu, it's not actually quite like that--there's some regulation and licensing. But the principle is the same. One could very certainly argue that there is a much of, if not more than, trafficking and abuse in the porn industry as there is in the prostitution world. In spite of the veneer of legality porn has. Therefore one could say that porn should be allowed before prostitution made legal.
/r/PurplePillDebate16/04/21 11:58 PM
1

They don't see the appeal of enjoying a woman's company besides having a dick in her mouth. hol up. I was with you until this. I have several good women friends, and it's clear that we're not going anywhere further. I value their company. But let's be real, we don't get relationship energy from each other either. They don't get good morning texts, and we split the bill when we go out. The issue is with the women that expect you to fall over them every waking minute, yet don't want to put out. If…
/r/PurplePillDebate15/04/21 07:22 PM
6

IOW selection bias. not the first time a phenomenon like that is explained that way.
/r/PurplePillDebate15/04/21 07:17 PM
2

It's so commonly expected that it's become a joke. I'm not sure if it actually happens at that rate or not, but it's expected. Haven't you heard of "gay for the stay"? Watched OZ? Heard about the violent fantasies of how pedos are treated? Heard about "pound me in the ass" prison sentences? It's pervasive in our culture.
/r/PurplePillDebate14/04/21 06:37 PM
2

I'm pretty sure most men don't go into prison with the thought of "there's a rapist in here and he might rape me" Yes, they do.
/r/PurplePillDebate14/04/21 04:44 PM
7

It is an addictive disorder like any other addictive disorder. The more you cold turkey it, the easier it is to maintain. But we're biologically wired for this particular addiction too, which makes it even harder to resist.
/r/PurplePillDebate12/04/21 04:10 AM
7

I've had the novelty of video games last longer than the novelty of women. The media and society makes it to be all that, and you think it is, until you've tried it. And only then do you really realize that it's not actually all that either. You might think, like an addict, that the next one will fulfill the promise, so you keep chasing the first hit. And the ones that give up are reformed junkies, and the ones that keep chasing the dragon are still junkies.
/r/PurplePillDebate12/04/21 04:09 AM
4

What's a man worth who offers only that? LOL. NOTHNG!!! Exactly. Consider the SMV of an unemployed man vs. an unemployed woman. The former could be most loving partner in the world, but he'd still be accepted. The latter, it's almost expected.
/r/PurplePillDebate11/04/21 10:42 PM
5

No, not actually. I think it comes from every direction. You want a case in point? I hate this particular scene. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lr8-Ln3FK64&t=38s&ab_channel=CNN "You're invalid if you don't have a wife" There are numerous other examples.
/r/PurplePillDebate11/04/21 07:10 PM
36

Stop suggesting that a man is reprehensible if he's not coupled, or correlate his power with his n-count, for starters. I like sex, sure. But honestly most of the attraction of sex for me is the psychological and social pressures that suggest that I should want it or I'm not a real man if I can't or don't get it. edit to add: men are credited with power and legitimacy by how many women they are able to sleep with. eg virgin men are credited with low personal power. A lot of societies' ills are f…
/r/PurplePillDebate11/04/21 07:06 PM
1

We can’t do that if you don’t put some skin in the game. That's an interesting way to look at it, and I think you're probably right. Love requires mutual risk and dependence on each other. If you can walk out the door without penalty at any time, you never can really trust that person. Yet, currently, the burden of the risk and the "skin in the game" comes from the man. It only really works if it's a mutual amount of risk.
/r/PurplePillDebate10/04/21 04:09 PM
3

I know men drop the act when it's about their daughter's future Just proves that Dad wants his daughter to be able to take the guy's stuff too. You know what's worse than a never married 35(M)? It's a divorced single mom by 35, who now wants a new dad for her kid so she can continue ignoring her responsibilities.
/r/PurplePillDebate10/04/21 06:45 AM
2

Right, they'd much prefer to be able to take 1/2 your stuff with them when they decide it's time to leave. If you can just be done at any time then you have to bring emotional value to the relationship all of the time, and who wants to have to do that? Better to shackle somebody so you can finally relax.
/r/PurplePillDebate10/04/21 06:05 AM
6

if you're a man and they're a woman, might be Ted Bundy-esque things. Ironically Ted Bundy was in several long term relationships, as were most other serial killers. Having a partner does a poor job of vetting you.
/r/PurplePillDebate10/04/21 05:56 AM
12

I am questioned a lot, mostly by women. Apparently I am practically a living insult to the tradition of marriage & family. Or, apparently there is something deeply wrong with me that I haven’t made the “ultimate commitment.” They're afraid that other men will be taught there is a choice besides signing yourself up for a losing deal with increasingly bad terms for men. When you can cheat on your spouse and still get 1/2 of their stuff + support for the rest of your life, marriage is just a financ…
/r/PurplePillDebate10/04/21 05:52 AM
1

I think just about anyone has some baggage by 35. You just encounter the single ones, so it's selection bias.
/r/PurplePillDebate10/04/21 05:46 AM
1

To be productive about this, I'd recommend adding that kind of "love to day trip after work during the week" to your profile if you're interested in attracting like minded men. I suspect that a great many potentials don't read it that way.
/r/PurplePillDebate09/04/21 07:34 PM
2

They will never get it, indeed. It's interesting to me to unpack about why (they got effortless attention in their 20s, their friends all tell them they're awesome, etc) but at the end of the day most (single) men after their 40s have figured out how to sustain their life on their own, there's just one thing they can't get themselves (without paying for it). Whereas most women after their 40s just assume that their character is so alluring and interesting that anyone would be improved by adding …
/r/PurplePillDebate09/04/21 06:32 PM
1

I wouldn't put any of that in my profile either, as a mistaken belief in it amounting to character. And, it's not really. What are you like in the day to day, where we're going to spend the other 50 weeks of the year?
/r/PurplePillDebate09/04/21 06:25 PM
1

going on vacation is not a character trait
/r/PurplePillDebate09/04/21 05:41 PM
5

You know the answer to that, especially if they are underemployed. They're either using child support/alimony, or is precisely why they're on dating sites in the first place, to find their next victim.
/r/PurplePillDebate09/04/21 12:21 AM
8

You don't need a lawyer to say NO for you. That'll just be an expensive syllable, and you need to say it yourself anway. Say "NO". Lesson the second: just ignore her requests.
/r/Divorce_Men09/04/21 12:20 AM
1

In public, or in private? I think a great many men are simply hypocrites.
/r/PurplePillDebate09/04/21 12:12 AM
1

Communists state that no work is free of coercion, either. The fact is that if you don't want to have sex, don't get married.
/r/PurplePillDebate09/04/21 12:10 AM
2

Feminists are against the decrim of sex work because it would threaten their monopoly on sex. That's the real reason it's not been decrim. If dudes could get fucked for $100 in every city in America, women would have to bring something more valuable than what could be gotten easily.
/r/PurplePillDebate09/04/21 12:02 AM
4

If they had a value outside of sex, wouldn't the man want to stick around even afterwards? Doesn't the action lead to an inescapable conclusion?
/r/PurplePillDebate08/04/21 11:59 PM
12

And "loves to travel".
/r/PurplePillDebate08/04/21 11:57 PM
2

Really in the spirit of keeping this a place for balanced debate, we should ban people that post to FDS. FDS aggressively bans anyone that even appears to have a bias against them already.
/r/PurplePillDebate07/04/21 07:09 PM
1

I think that women that assume that men are de facto taken seriously because of their gender don't see the power plays and politics that men play with each other to assert dominance.
/r/PurplePillDebate07/04/21 07:06 PM
7

Being attractive is an enormous social and romantic advantage and I'm bitterly jealous at the ease with which women can attain it. I legit think that they don't understand how pervasive it is. I've had a drink bought for me once in my life. The times I've been complimented by a stranger I can count on one hand. The suspicion and even hostility that I get from shop keepers, as an average white US male, is not something that women appreciate. I've been socialized to be able to address and confront…
/r/PurplePillDebate07/04/21 07:03 PM
3

I think something needs to be clarified. I have seen women that have high N counts to be vilified, but I don't personally. God bless and god speed. What's more interesting to me, is are women with high N counts unable to commit to a long-term relationship? Or will they constantly be seeking a better partner than the one that they've committed themselves too, because those habits are hard to break? I wouldn't vilify high body count women. They should be able to live their life to max potential. I…
/r/PurplePillDebate06/04/21 04:19 PM
2

The scorn comes from fat women attempting to punch above their weight. Being self-delusional about your value is always funny.
/r/PurplePillDebate05/04/21 06:37 PM
16

It appears to be a common belief among fat women.
/r/PurplePillDebate05/04/21 06:35 PM
27

Noted that LOTF was British male teenagers, and this incident was apparently Pacific Islanders.
/r/MensRights05/04/21 05:22 PM
29

Men get along when there isn't the presence of women. It's for women that we compete, either directly or indirectly. That was true on this island, and it the chief concern of introducing women to the military. It's not true in prison, but the guys there are already distorted by society to begin with.
/r/MensRights05/04/21 05:21 PM
1

"And you want your kids to have a good life" != "So giving some to the mother" That presumes that she will spend money on the kids.
/r/PurplePillDebate04/04/21 10:12 PM
0

Keep telling yourself that. It's neither remotely true nor do you have any evidence for it besides supposition. For all you know she could have stayed at home all day watching daytime TV while he was off bashing his brains and emotions out innovating on business strategy 14 hours a day. Maybe she contributed and maybe she didn't, but you can't assume either way from external knowledge. This equivalence between the laborer and the non-laborer is vomit inducing. It's like saying that the laborer i…
/r/PurplePillDebate04/04/21 08:15 PM
4

Having a life full of adventure or an attitude that’s good to be around doesn’t equal money. It pretty much does, though. I have enough savings to live and enjoy life for the rest of my life. I'm currently living on my savings and it hasn't slowed me down, in terms of recreational activity or travel. However, to most women I'm simply "unemployed". I'm evaluated by my professional position or lack thereof, not my activities.
/r/PurplePillDebate04/04/21 08:02 PM
3

Cosmetics surgery in Korea is the best in the world. There is no stigma to body alteration like there is in the West.
/r/PurplePillDebate03/04/21 09:27 PM
3

I've wondered that too, actually. I assume it's because the feeling also drives a desire for sex, and sex leads to babies. The real question is, why can either gender self-stimulate. If evolution demanded babies, and required sex for babies, we should be all horned up all the time without the ability for self-relief, so would naturally go seeking actual sex with someone else, thereby to increase the likelihood of baby making. Do other mammals masturbate? I'm pretty sure primates do, but I don't …
/r/PurplePillDebate03/04/21 05:31 AM
0

Male masturbation is depicted as shameful and ridiculous in every media I can think of, while women using wands is a sign of her empowerment.
/r/PurplePillDebate03/04/21 05:27 AM
3

Women jerking off doesn't effect society at large. I don't agree. To continue that line of thinking would mean that women are jerking off instead of having sex that would cause babies, ostensibly a good thing for society.
/r/PurplePillDebate03/04/21 04:03 AM
0

Because society is afraid of male sexuality, and the idea that a man might be able to service their own needs independently of a woman.
/r/PurplePillDebate03/04/21 04:00 AM
7

The joke goes: you don't pay a prostitute for sex, you pay her to leave.
/r/PurplePillDebate02/04/21 04:41 PM
1

Do you think anyone does?
/r/PurplePillDebate01/04/21 05:55 AM
2

You're right, I celebrate it. I just remember that it's a danger to recommit.
/r/PurplePillDebate31/03/21 08:20 PM
9

I've grown past that and now match energy.
/r/PurplePillDebate31/03/21 05:12 PM
11

I see no reason men can't do the same. Fighting fire with fire is gleefully vindictive, but it doesn't get me any closer to getting laid. Which is frankly the ultimate goal. I've agreed with everything you've said about OLD, btw. Giving women that much opportunity to shop for men means they're in constant monkey branching mode. Tinder could lead to the end of marriage.
/r/PurplePillDebate31/03/21 05:08 PM
2

Absolutely real. For which I was downvoted, because some people can't face the truth of the objectification of men, it doesn't fit their narrative of "women are the only victims". This quote is from a former Secretary of State, mind. Do you think that she only thought about the women soldiers and the "primary victims of war" as she was committing to military adventurism that got our fathers and brothers killed?
/r/PurplePillDebate31/03/21 05:04 PM
8

Also the widow would be entitled to survivor benefits, but the gf would not be. Getting married before war had very practical considerations.
/r/PurplePillDebate31/03/21 04:58 PM
3

No shit. I haven't dated since covid began just because of this. I don't want a penpal or a video date.
/r/PurplePillDebate31/03/21 04:56 PM
21

And then whine and complain when men do the exact same thing to them. As a man, I ignored some recent matches and it was the most empowering thing ever. Shitty thing to do, and I had other issues that prevented me from responding, but having women match and then initiate a conversation with me, that I ignored, was something of a rush.
/r/PurplePillDebate31/03/21 04:54 PM
11

Putting things on my "to watch later" is the new buying books that I like the title of but never read.
/r/PurplePillDebate31/03/21 04:50 PM
5

This is exactly it. I'd just add that looking for relationships in a place that leads with photos is probably a mistake. You can't often assess personality compatibility with the amount of info you're given on OLD.
/r/PurplePillDebate31/03/21 04:47 PM
3

I agree. I don't think I'm better than a 7 even when I glow up, and I still match. Those matches hardly ever go anywhere, but that wasn't the question.
/r/PurplePillDebate31/03/21 04:43 PM
5

"Women have always been the primary victims of war. Women lose their husbands, their fathers, their sons in combat." --Hillary Clinton The men that died in war are made a footnote; men are NPCs.
/r/PurplePillDebate31/03/21 12:55 AM
4

It's just progressive fatties venting their rage. And they can say it all they want, but it doesn't make me feel any differently about them. You can't shame me into finding you attractive, that's not how it works. Body positivity maybe allows you to accept yourself so you can avoid crippling depression and do other positive things, but that doesn't extend to compelling someone else to find you attractive.
/r/PurplePillDebate27/03/21 04:24 PM
2

That wasn't the point. Try to read intent. And get some help instead of just stewing in your juices and trying to extort pity from random internet strangers.
/r/PurplePillDebate27/03/21 06:09 AM
7

dude get some help. please. here's a start: take sex off the table, forget about it. do other things that you enjoy. you will still at least have an enjoyable life. fr you ain't missing that much. it's enjoyable, but so is ice cream. it's about the same level, honestly.
/r/PurplePillDebate27/03/21 01:39 AM
1

I like paying. I like to give gifts when the situation is happy. I very much resent being expected to pay. It'd like kicking Santa Claus in the shins if he doesn't bring the gifts you wanted. I've bought many meals during dates when I have enjoyed the woman's company. If she were to offer, I'd accept a split, or more commonly, her picking up the tip. But if I got the sense that I was being taken on a ride for a free meal, it would get ugly.
/r/PurplePillDebate27/03/21 12:55 AM
16

Im legally not allowed to date based on this comment, that's probably for the best.
/r/PurplePillDebate27/03/21 12:50 AM
4

I can see being disappointed in your tinder matches being a legit complaint from otherwise well adjusted men.
/r/PurplePillDebate26/03/21 07:10 PM
2

I value my female friends just fine. They need to bring a lot of value to make it worth the effort, though, and they don't get near the same amount of attention as my gfs do. If you don't have a lot of intersex friendships, it may be that you don't bring the value that you think you have. It's easy to get a man to talk to a woman if there's the promise of sex. The woman needs to bring actual character and perspective of value if there is no sex to be had. Also, there's large spectrums of relatio…
/r/PurplePillDebate25/03/21 04:51 PM
32

Dating partners value different things that your friends and family does. That's a tale as old as time.
/r/PurplePillDebate23/03/21 07:55 PM
0

https://www.npr.org/sections/goatsandsoda/2021/02/03/960848011/how-the-pandemic-has-upended-the-lives-of-thailands-sex-workers#:~:text=Organization-,Thailand's%20Sex%20Workers%20Losing%20Their%20Livelihood%20Due%20To%20Pandemic%20%3A%20Goats,restrictions%20have%20changed%20all%20that. The loss of the SW trade in Thailand is dealing a serious economic blow to the women that depended on it.
/r/PurplePillDebate22/03/21 07:12 AM
3

Money is always involved, in damn near everything. Does that mean that any employee for wages is being exploited? They just get paid less than an escort. Does that mean that if a man picks up the check on a date he's being exploited? Does a landlord exploit their tenants? etc. If money = coercion the world is comprised of coercion. What makes this any different, besides the act and the amount paid?
/r/PurplePillDebate22/03/21 07:10 AM
3

downgraded ? Not in Chad's mind.
/r/PurplePillDebate20/03/21 01:33 AM
3

I think your headline is more interesting than the topic. Why, when men take their shirt off or show more flesh than their face and hands, is the automatic "ewww" reaction and the men apologizing, but women are encouraged to take off as much as possible? Can't men love their bodies as well? Why are women "empowered" for having vibrators, but men are "pervy" for having fleshlights? Why do women get to publicly embrace their sexuality, but men are shamed for admitting that they have sexual impulse…
/r/PurplePillDebate19/03/21 06:37 PM
1

Women can do whatever they want. I don't have to respect them for their choices. Good Time Sally shouldn't simply expect that she can enlist the first stable man through her door when she has kids to feed and no longer gets the attention from men that she used to get. To use your example, if she changed careers after 15 years, she wouldn't expect to have a commensurate position in the new career. She'd be starting back at entry level. So it is with relationships. If she rides the CC in her 20s/3…
/r/PurplePillDebate19/03/21 05:44 PM
2

I plan to hire a lawyer to explore the possibility of subpoenaing her employment records to determine the terms of her departure. You will probably be hiring a lawyer to determine her ability to replace the income with another position. I don't think that you will be able to discover the actual terms of her departure.
/r/Divorce_Men19/03/21 05:35 PM
3

Income is calculated based on historic values, not present. I just got off the phone with my own lawyer on this very topic, as a matter of fact. He believed the law was based on current income, the judge at my hearing believed support should be based on history and imputed future earnings. YMMV If this wasn't true, there'd be no need for lawyers. It is and there is. Earning potential is very subjective, and therefore needs attorney representation before a judge to adjudicate. The reasonable appr…
/r/Divorce_Men19/03/21 05:34 PM
4

hire a lawyer Yes. They will be better able to tell you your legal options than reddit.
/r/Divorce_Men19/03/21 05:30 PM
1

I don't know. But that's the difference between the problem and the solution. I think the problem could be men that don't have sufficient intimacy, to the point that they go batshit. We have good evidence that mammals without sufficient physical intimacy indeed go batshit. I'm not sure of the solution. I think decrim of prostitution might be an answer, but there are problems with that as well. Maybe better treatment with psychiatrics, like Oxycontin, could replace the psychological need for phys…
/r/PurplePillDebate19/03/21 03:06 AM
1

nobody said anything about sex being forced, besides you.
/r/PurplePillDebate19/03/21 12:49 AM
4

You will split the debt and she will probably owe you alimony and child support. You will split the assets, and it's very probable one of you will have to but out the other from the house, provided there isn't even marital cash to do so immediately. How much and for how long depends on how much difference, how long you were married, and state laws. If she makes significantly more, the child support and alimony could also be significant.
/r/Divorce_Men18/03/21 08:43 PM
2

This entire thread is textbook hamstering. Accuses me of being an idiot, changes her stipulation to match her narrative, cherry picks data, and refuses to concede that divorce rates are influenced by marriage rates. I mean, duh. You can't have divorces without having marriages first, if the latter goes down so will the former. Then ignores even her own data: this has nothing to do with "women rushing into marriage before they're done with CC" and everything to do with women being able to continu…
/r/PurplePillDebate18/03/21 04:58 PM
7

Their notion of fairness is "whatever works best for me". They lose all sight of being reasonable during divorce, regardless of the words out of their mouths.
/r/Divorce_Men18/03/21 03:37 PM
-3

Most men can do that without being sex-obsessed psychopaths about it. ? Most men aren't sex obsessed psychopaths. Most of are treated like we are regardless. But I'm not sure I see your point. No one is saying that what the Atlanta shooter did is justified, right? We can identify the cause without excusing it. I know that homeless people mug and steal because they're hungry/need a fix, but that doesn't mean that I will allow that to happen. It means that a solution to theft by homeless is to kee…
/r/PurplePillDebate18/03/21 03:27 PM
3

The best things I've done for myself, in order: -going to the gym regularly. I now have the time to go almost 6 times a week, and it's legit the best part of my day. -learning what I love to do, without consideration for how it impacts my partner. I've learned a lot about myself. Covid fucked that up for sure, but it fucked up the whole world so I don't want to cry about it. But the two years I was effectively single before that were some of my best times of life, and I never would have figured …
/r/Divorce_Men18/03/21 06:17 AM
3

To OP's point: as a 51M and divorcing, I'm not disgusted by women that ride the CC. What is a problem for me is women that rejected me earlier, and now that they are having more trouble dating themselves, want me to "step up" and provide for them in their declining age. Sometimes the very same women. If you're going to ride the CC, have at it. I like casual sex too, and I wouldn't deny it to anyone. But it is hypocritical to think that once you're "done with hookups" that stable men will still b…
/r/PurplePillDebate18/03/21 06:13 AM
3

Right. The marriage to divorce ratio in 1971--50 years ago, before the edit--was .34. The last entry on that table is for 2012, and is .5, or about 50% more. Obviously it'd be nice to have an updated rate for current year 2021, but I strongly suspect that it's not dropped from .5 back down to .34 in 8 years, but has stayed around .5 like it has since 1975, after the acceptance of no-fault divorces. Therefore, parent is both wrong and a liar that cherry picks data, and furthermore retroactively e…
/r/PurplePillDebate18/03/21 05:14 AM
2

I know. Doing a ninja edit so your statement matches your facts, instead of just admitting the error, is intellectually dishonest. According to your graph, the rate 50 years ago was about the same as it is now, which is still surprising to me and makes a point, but you had to fuck it all up with your contortion.
/r/PurplePillDebate18/03/21 05:07 AM
1

That's interesting, although you didn't need to edit your timeline to comply with your research. 40 != 50
/r/PurplePillDebate18/03/21 04:31 AM
4

The divorce rate is lower now than it was 50 years ago [citation needed] I don't believe that even a little bit.
/r/PurplePillDebate18/03/21 04:23 AM
6

I treated her way way worse than I should have and i deeply regret it Work that through with your therapist. Matters of law should be arbitrated by your own lawyer. You can feel personal and moral guilt, but that contract will stay with you for forever. If it makes you feel any differently, if the position was reversed she'd have no problem with tearing your throat out as well. And, even if you ignore all of this advice, you can still contractually obligate yourself to the normal amount, but the…
/r/Divorce_Men17/03/21 12:11 AM
1

I have several female friends. They're great people, but I wouldn't want to live with them either.
/r/PurplePillDebate16/03/21 04:19 PM
2

I'm unclear on the taxation differences between child support and spousal support, actually. I'm not sure that the same rules apply to both.
/r/Divorce_Men16/03/21 12:10 AM
3

If it were to go back to how it was prior to this tax bill in 2017, the receiver would again pay the tax instead of the payer. If that will happen as part of any tax law change is a big question. Will Biden throw out the entirety of the 2017 tax changes, or keep this part of it? For me, this is worth a letter to my congressman and senators--if you're going to repeal the 2017 tax changes, make sure that this change is included as well. It's ridiculous to me to have to pay to support someone else'…
/r/Divorce_Men15/03/21 11:51 PM
4

I will say this though stop attacking people trying to help you out. I missed the part where you were trying to be helpful
/r/Divorce_Men15/03/21 10:04 PM
8

Yes, indeed. The theory was that it was easy money with a small constituency to complain, and a way to offset the cost of the tax reduction. In effect, it actually raises little money, nowhere near enough to offset the loss of revenue from the overall bill, so why bother to change the practice is something of a mystery. So not only do you: lose your married filing jointly, which often has the effect of doubling the amount that is taxed at a higher rate; have a spousal support obligation; the obl…
/r/Divorce_Men15/03/21 09:05 PM
7

Under the current law, as introduced by Trump in 2017, the reverse is true. The $$$ you pay in spousal support are taxable income by the payer, and tax free to the recipient. Before 2017, the reverse was true. That means, not only do you pay that $5K per month, you owe the tax on it. She does not. That had the effect of increasing some marginal amount of federal revenue, as the payer is much more likely to be in a higher tax bracket than the recipient. Therefore, you would pay ~35% on that $5k. …
/r/Divorce_Men15/03/21 08:59 PM
1

Once again, we see women claim that men that don't love them must be fundamentally broken, and not come to terms with the reality that maybe they're not worth love. It can't possibly be the fault of the woman, the only explanation is that men must be fundamentally broken.
/r/PurplePillDebate15/03/21 06:37 PM
11

It actually implies that many if not most women are actually not worth emotional commitment, and can only really negotiate with a monopoly on sex.
/r/PurplePillDebate15/03/21 03:42 AM
2

I'm a man, but I don't desire to be RP. I'm on this sub to discuss human nature, and I find the techniques demonstrated interesting. I am coming to find that I prefer to be alone, actually.
/r/PurplePillDebate09/03/21 06:30 AM
1

"new"? It's literally the oldest play in the book, it just now has a website. I think there is a lot to be said for the directness of an explicit PPM than "buy a diamond necklace and get a blowie". SBs are frankly escorts, with less effort and fewer clients. However, both forms of relationships have been around since money was invented. I don't forsee this as having any impact on vanilla dating, as all of the same pressures will apply. As more and more women do it, as OP fears, fewer and fewer w…
/r/PurplePillDebate09/03/21 06:27 AM
1

Go on... Not that I need the advice personally but I'm interested in the sociology of the technique.
/r/PurplePillDebate09/03/21 01:11 AM
3

are we supposed to hate her, or am I just embittered? I think that plot arc made it pretty clear that she's has big issues even by the consensus standards of society, and it ain't just me, but part of why I keep watching the show is to test my preconceptions. I'm actually surprised that a mainstream show would describe a female lead in a romantic comedy in such an odious light, and continue to let her get away with it. I'm just not really sure about the message of the show, which is why I though…
/r/PurplePillDebate08/03/21 07:22 AM
3

Off topic, but yeah. Netflix is clearly churning out superficial genre material that values quantity over quality. Finding the gems seems to be getting more difficult. I'm not sure this is one of them, tbh.
/r/PurplePillDebate08/03/21 06:41 AM
3

when the guy went away, Mickey started cheating immediately Reminded me of the joke: "I don't have a boyfriend, but I know a dude that would be really upset if he heard me say that", although in the joke the genders are usually reversed. Does raise the question of "are we exclusive only when those words are said, or is there a point where it's really implicit?" In the case of the show, it becomes clear that Mickey knew better or she wouldn't have hidden it, so that's a cheater at heart regardles…
/r/PurplePillDebate08/03/21 06:38 AM
2

At first it was to see if they could figure it out, but now it's more about watching a trainwreck in progress and trying to time when exactly it'll go off the rails. I think your summary is un-nuanced but fairly accurate. There's lots to hate about Mickey, and I'm trying to decide if it's reasonable hate or if there's something that Gus legitimately sees in her that I don't due to my own biases.
/r/PurplePillDebate08/03/21 06:35 AM
0

Many of those men have simply given up and found other ways to pass their time. So you have the fuckbois and the quiet nerds. The quiet nerds get tired of being put on the back burner as "husband material" really quickly, so just find other things to do in this connected age. I think we're going to raise a generation of loners, personally, both girls and boys, and it makes me sad. The girls will run their 20s with "bad boys" and the quiet nerdy nice guy boys will pursue their own solo hobbies an…
/r/PurplePillDebate07/03/21 09:30 PM
7

Basically, mothers teach their boys to be simps because it's how they want to be treated by men themselves. I don't know that I'd teach my boys RP mentality as much as MGTOW/and "abundance mentality". They get to choose based on their own preferences, and they should expect a peer and equal dynamic from a healthy relationship, and to not worship the first pussy that deigns to give them attention. When men start sacrificing themselves to the altar of pussy is when all of the trouble happens.
/r/PurplePillDebate07/03/21 09:20 PM
3

You can't be sure of either even if you're married.
/r/PurplePillDebate05/03/21 07:04 AM
1

Nope. I'd hire a Real Girl prostitute first. I think that it's inevitable that sex work be legalized in the US, at which point there is literally no reason for men to get married at all.
/r/PurplePillDebate05/03/21 05:19 AM
2

Similarly for men. Why get married when sex is free, or can be bought, and men are on the hook as providers indefinitely regardless of what choices their spouse makes?
/r/PurplePillDebate05/03/21 05:17 AM
9

I forsee the end of marriage. There is little reason to enter into it, in the Western world, wherein men carry the burden of risk and no return. If that leads to a lower rate of child birth remains to be seen.
/r/PurplePillDebate05/03/21 05:16 AM
1

I know why you're entitled, but none of what you said contradicts the fact that you are. As you said, you perhaps even have a right to be. But again none of that changes OP's stipulation that women are entitled, so why do we continue to pretend that men have all of the power? As to your last paragraph: I thought we all agreed that times are and should be changing. It's the definition of entitlement to seek to grasp the benefits of the new liberated culture, but continue to hold onto the benefits…
/r/PurplePillDebate03/03/21 12:56 PM
0

Paying for a $20 meal Even the standard that the man buys is itself an entitled female attitude. Why should he be expected to at all? If the women doesn't have $20 then she probably shouldn't be dating men that have $40.
/r/PurplePillDebate03/03/21 07:57 AM
1

right. deciding who to pay is a risk assessment. ie if youre arguing over 4 figures you could easily spend more on your lawyer. otoh if your exposure is in the hundreds of ks i think hiring a lawyer could be money well spent.
/r/Divorce_Men28/02/21 10:56 PM
0

I resented my STBXW for refusing to contribute to the household income, even to provide a safety net.
/r/PurplePillDebate25/02/21 08:06 AM
2

wasting tons of money in lawyers fees by bringing this emotional stuff to the table. ime judges simply dont care up until the point that the legal authorities are involved. ie unless the abuse was such that she fled and actually got a restraining order, or CPS got involved and removed the kids, or somebody was arrested, its just words and she'll look worse by trying to present them in support of her case. and eventually you were vindicated in court. unsurprisingly judges value the decisions of t…
/r/Divorce_Men24/02/21 07:48 PM
7

mine claims to have PTSD, from a variety of factors, but me included. shes not an emergency services provider, she was just a SAHM. also, shes now in graduate school and getting good grades, and also has communicated with friends that she "didnt know life could be so good" (after i left). does that sound like someone with PTSD, or just someone with a victim complex?
/r/Divorce_Men23/02/21 08:36 AM
1

Doing sex work is an opportunity for women to get a lot of it. and simultaneously casual sex has been destigmatized. this would be a different question if we had the sexual mores of antiquity in spite of modern liberated female economic opportunities. even being a single mother hardly has the social opprobrium that it did in the relatively recent past.
/r/PurplePillDebate22/02/21 08:57 PM
4

in more than one way
/r/PurplePillDebate21/02/21 11:49 PM
2

People think their idea of what is fair is relevant. Long story short, it's up to the court. exactly lol. i have a theory that divorce lawyers lobby for legislation that is counterintuitive and unfair while were happily married, so we have to pay them exorbitant fees to fight back to reasonableness when we choose to get get divorced. who cares about alimony calculations while they're married? never happen to them, right, so who cares? which means the attorneys can craft whatever nonsense they wa…
/r/Divorce_Men21/02/21 09:56 PM
5

That is ridiculous right? yep. you will get 1/2 of assets, which may include 1/2 the inheritance depending on details not in the post, and are state dependent anyway. also she will very probably owe you a certain amount of alimony for a certain period of time. how much and for how long are really detail and state dependent, and im not familiar with LA law. career women now owing alimony to their stbxh is the best thing ever, in terms of it eventually forcing a re-analysis of whats reasonable. tl…
/r/Divorce_Men20/02/21 10:03 PM
3

while true, you can absolutely filter yourself down to no viable candidates, or over estimating your own worth. the participants of FDS should realize that they may be consigning themselves to a lifetime of being alone. theres nothing wrong with that either, but that goes against their stated goal. really the sub should be called WGTOW and stop pretending to want a life partner, as OP pointed out, its actually more about WGTOW and less about "dating"
/r/PurplePillDebate19/02/21 09:27 PM
18

"I can't continue to support you" and now she'll have to anyway.
/r/Divorce_Men19/02/21 09:19 AM
1

She's saying that she shouldn't have to pay it because a 53 year old man shouldn't be supported by his ex wife. lol. she's about to get a lesson in the courts not giving a shit about her personal sense of right or wrong. it may be a very rude awakening. GL!
/r/Divorce_Men19/02/21 04:22 AM
3

the summer leading up to our split was the worst one of my life. i was married for 25 years, and we have two teenage boys. i had substantial savings, and was as concerned about protecting my retirement funds and plans for the future as i was about staying inthe relationship. for her part, she started with wanting an "open marriage", to an "amicable" divorce, to "cooperative parenting" (meaning i get to sleep in the guest room while she bangs dudes on our bed), to two years of legal battle. unlik…
/r/Divorce_Men17/02/21 08:13 PM
0

then men should definitely not be forced to become parents against their will. they had a choice, and made it, with the acknowledged risk of pregnancy.
/r/PurplePillDebate13/02/21 12:21 AM
1

ime it didnt matter.
/r/Divorce_Men11/02/21 11:20 PM
3

i have it, mostly cause i asked. it probably helps that i pay child support as if i had them only 1/3 of the time.
/r/Divorce_Men11/02/21 07:06 AM
0

If it doesn't involve her or he kids I simply say it's private. If she presses I say it doesn't involve her or the kids and it's private. if it doesn't involve her or the kids i just ignore her. no response. eventually she got the message and stopped asking.
/r/Divorce_Men06/02/21 07:47 PM
1

I feel far closer to him close enough to want to fuck him? because thats what we're talking about.
/r/PurplePillDebate03/02/21 06:42 PM
-2

at this point its just easier to end the institution of marriage altogether.
/r/PurplePillDebate30/01/21 12:02 AM
0

What world are you living in? according to the parent, "the world of the criminal justice system". so the question is, what context do you have yourself? is it direct, or secondary?
/r/PurplePillDebate27/01/21 08:16 PM
6

take your aggrieved principles out of it and do what makes financial sense. im fighting because not fighting is more expensive to me longterm than the short term legal costs. thats what it comes down to, i did the math. otherwise take the emotion out of it.
/r/Divorce_Men22/01/21 08:07 PM
2

well, not in my state in the US, at least.
/r/PurplePillDebate14/01/21 10:58 PM
10

If you actually love someone, there’s some good benefits That can't be satisfied through exclusivity and co-hab? There are some tax benefits, but besides that I dunno what it'd be. are afraid of something Y. They're afraid of their wife having a change of mind and taking 1/2 of their retirement while increasing their cost of living. On balance, it seems to be disproportionately weighted towards not getting married.
/r/PurplePillDebate14/01/21 08:57 PM
2

Exactly, imo. These women go for "players" for ONS because they don't get attached, but other men get too clingy. Like, how do they know which is which ahead of time? I have pretty low sentiment about the ONS I have, but that doesn't keep me from sending a text afterwards because I think it's gentlemanly and polite. If you perceive that as clingy because I didn't read your mind to understand the play, that's on you, not on me. I won't pursue it if it's not responded to, is all.
/r/PurplePillDebate14/01/21 08:54 PM
11

OLD/swipe apps are bad for finding companions for precisely this reason. It was meant as a hookup app, and it has that reputation. Attempting to use an app that leads with pictures to find companions, and it's no wonder everyone is pissed off about it.
/r/PurplePillDebate08/01/21 10:34 PM
1

Women think they are entitled to commitment from good men, so they date shitty, but fun men until they are 25+, then expect the good men she curved to want her the same as when she was 16. /r/WAATGM
/r/PurplePillDebate07/01/21 05:26 PM
1

She seemed like a career woman. If she wants a traditionally masculine man while she is not a traditionally femenine woman. Directly to the point. Traditional, conservative, "non-pussified" men want good looking women to stay at home, barefoot in the kitchen, and make babies. She's not that woman, which is why she is not attracting those kinds of men. She's hoist on her own petard of feminism, and doesn't even know it. How a loud mouth, political, relatively successful woman, doesn't call hersel…
/r/PurplePillDebate07/01/21 05:22 PM
3

wow you did well. I'm guessing you're not on the West Coast. She didn't even get alimony?
/r/Divorce_Men05/01/21 10:12 PM
6

She tried to get the judge to order me to pay $500/month so she could get the same commercial health insurance plan. Judge said "no." And so it begins. Or ends. They're always surprised to find learn that they can't have their cake and eat it too, iow that being strong and independent actually means taking care of your own business from here on out.
/r/Divorce_Men05/01/21 07:36 PM
9

I'm not necessarily happier, but there is an absence of the misery I had. Is a nice way to put it. I was learning more about myself, but then covid hit and getting out and seeing new people and learning new things came to an abrupt halt. I call: 2018: the year of falling apart 2019: the year of self-discovery 2020: the year of covid I haven't given 2021 a name yet, she's but a wee lass. Seriously, I hope to be able to rekindle the self-discovery of 2019, and with god willing will have the divorc…
/r/Divorce_Men31/12/20 11:47 PM
2

No alimony--good. You should get a lawyer, and yes you will have to pay for hers too. At least in my state of Oregon. Also in Oregon, we have state calculated Child Support. Assuming Texas is the same way, it'll just be a number based on income. Obv you won't have to pay for the 20 year old, and the obligation to the 17 year old won't be for long. Naturally you're looking at 12 years of CS for the 6 year old. Again, in Oregon, I have to pay for CS until they're 21, but after they turn 18 the pay…
/r/Divorce_Men31/12/20 03:30 AM
2

if both of your names are on it I think you both have to sign the check. you might be able to get away with not doing so, if the bank doesn't check, but that would be fraud and if she found out you'd be over a barrel. OTOH, if she has court ordered CS that she hasn't paid, you might be able to keep this money against that debt. ask your attorney.
/r/Divorce_Men29/12/20 05:10 PM
3

IME, women strongly resist having to ground out in reality. They fight any attempt to do so as an existential attack on their being.
/r/Divorce_Men28/12/20 06:30 PM
5

You will face a contempt of court action, which she will use to sue you in civil court. She'll certainly win that, in which case you'll have to pay her up to date, + potentially any legal costs she spent in pursuing you. If you fail to pay it, I believe you can go to jail, or at least she can seize any assets you have in service of the debt. If you die, I believe she can get it from your estate. If you owe her and die, and have no money in your estate that can be seized, I guess you'll get the l…
/r/Divorce_Men28/12/20 03:10 AM
2

They won't be 4 for forever.
/r/Divorce_Men27/12/20 03:37 AM
3

I considered moving up to 30 miles away. I wound up less than 1/2 mile away, but in a different neighborhood. I'm glad I wound up closer. I have the kids about 1/2 time, and it makes it simpler to get them to their school, their extracurriculars, and in fact the kids are old enough to go back and forth on their own if there is something that want in the other house.
/r/Divorce_Men27/12/20 02:31 AM
2

I'm in NYC and there is so many woman over 40 that look great. It's because walking is still a thing there. Walking on daily basis encourages fitness.
/r/Divorce_Men25/12/20 11:48 PM
5

I like something to hold on to. But I also like being able to see a waist. There's a sweet spot. I don't know what these gals are eating but some of them are just fucking large. I'm personally 5' 11" 205, which is a little over, but I think pretty reasonable. And I'm 50. My sweet spot is somewhere a little fitter than me. It doesn't have to be by much. But if you're bigger than me, I just have a really hard time with it. The biggest issue with the last relationship I was in was the size of the g…
/r/Divorce_Men25/12/20 11:46 PM
0

Some states are still at-fault, I think. I don't think most are, though. But the ones that are I believe that infidelity could be relevant. I am only really familiar with my own state of Oregon.
/r/Divorce_Men23/12/20 07:55 PM
0

I agree with you, but this is also state dependent. But your points are salient in more states than not. Especially considering the duration of the marriage.
/r/Divorce_Men23/12/20 07:47 PM
1

"separate ownership" really depends on the state you are in. If you're in a community property state, the value of those assets are considered shared value regardless of who's on the title. There are exceptions. Some states don't have community property, and if you came into the marriage with those items you may not have to count them as a marital asset. But if you bought them while married, they're very likely to be considered communal.
/r/Divorce_Men22/12/20 09:22 PM
2

If you sign something, it usually can't be reversed. The above suggestion is good--you can mediate and then have a lawyer make sure everything is being reasonable and fair.
/r/Divorce_Men22/12/20 09:20 PM
4

"I am disappointed that we could not come to an agreement, I have always said that I just expect you to pay whatever your supposed to pay, and not a dollar more or less. Her disappointment is a non-factor in your life. It is to be rated like that of any other stranger, or worse, due to her natural bias. It doesn't matter in the slightest if she's disappointed or elated. Her emotional state is not your concern. I think the women in a relationship take on the role and are accustomed to being the e…
/r/Divorce_Men21/12/20 09:55 PM
6

I came here to say the same thing. I had competition with the ex too, and it led to some healthy and some unhealthy behavior. Now, two years out, it's 90% dissipated. It's a natural reaction and don't beat yourself up about it. It's good that you recognize it already, actually. And it generally will dissipated over time, as time heals all.
/r/Divorce_Men20/12/20 06:06 AM
3

I think this is a pretty normal response. You want to have some kind of recognition of the effort that you're putting in, as well as validation that you are figuring out how to single parent. But you're also right, you should challenge this and guard against it. One of the most valuable pieces I got from the court ordered co-parenting classes was that the kids feel as if they're 1/2 yours and 1/2 hers. Any attack on her and the kid feels like you're assaulting 1/2 of their identity. Know that yo…
/r/Divorce_Men15/12/20 07:22 PM
1

Also depends on the support liability. I'm informed that in my state (OR) I need to carry life insurance to cover my alimony liability.
/r/Divorce_Men11/12/20 07:04 PM
1

Would they have remembered when you were married? At 8 and 10, I'd assume not. You can always front run this like "EX, I'd sure appreciate a call from the kids tomorrow. When do you think that might be able to happen?" I think it's too much to expect an 8 year to spontaneously remember, and if you could count on the ex for anything you'd still be married, right? And she should also remember that she has a birthday, and a Mother's day, and it works both ways.
/r/Divorce_Men22/11/20 06:25 AM
3

I'm glad that you were able to get free, it's important to find your joy regardless of the cost. That said, welcome to the club. You may find that you are required to support your ex regardless. For how much and for how long depends on the state. Your relatively short duration of marriage will be in your favor, be happy that you got out sooner than later.
/r/Divorce_Men21/11/20 08:43 PM
8

The biggest issue I had was the change. I don't miss my ex, but I do miss the loss of my future plans. I had some kind of plan for myself, ourselves, the kids, and my retirement basically until I hit retirement. The biggest fear I had was fucking all of that up and starting over. I had spent a lot of energy, emotional energy, towards building that future and then I went to not knowing actually where I'd be on next Tuesday. But. Although in a lot of ways you go back to square one, you're not off …
/r/Divorce_Men28/10/20 07:12 PM
8

I lost the house, but kept a much larger share of the investments. Now she has a mortgage she can't pay, and I have equity at record high levels. I think I did ok with it.
/r/Divorce_Men08/10/20 10:11 PM
4

When we ask "how can our exes tell us where to live?" the answer is basically "because we share kids." Succinctly put. The expectation is that kids will basically graduate from the school district in which they were in when the divorce happened, unless there is mutual agreement otherwise. I think this will continue to be a friction point for many couples, myself included. Following a career or COL outside of the original district usually requires a modification of the custody agreement.
/r/Divorce_Men17/09/20 06:07 PM
5

I stopped contributing to my 401k, because I wanted to keep liquid cash and she'll get 1/2 of the 401k.
/r/Divorce_Men13/08/20 11:32 PM
2

Get a therapist. Try not to date yourself.
/r/Divorce_Men13/08/20 11:32 PM
1

depends on the state.
/r/Divorce_Men12/08/20 06:53 PM
1

Well, now is the time before you have either of those things. She'll still take 1/2 of your assets earned during those three years, and might be entitled to some alimony of a limited amount for a limited amount of time.
/r/Divorce_Men11/08/20 07:39 PM
10

OFC you think of her. She was a part of your life. I think it'd be much more worrisome not to think of her. I think of my ex often. Sometimes even positively--she had positive traits, it's why I married her, had kids with her, and stayed with her for as long as I did. I sometimes even have sexy dreams about her, which are even stranger to me--but if you're habituated to sex with one person for 25 years, it's normal to have that inertia. I also learned a lot about her negative characteristics thr…
/r/Divorce_Men10/08/20 05:50 PM
7

What? No. Kudos for her for knowing and identifying her needs and wants, and that kids are incompatible with that. Also obviously she's too old to have them now anyway so isn't it rather moot? I don't understand all of this Red Flag shit either. It seems like RF are more about talking ourselves out of reasons to be dating than actually a path to happiness. If you don't want to be coupled up, just say so and stop trying to find excuses.
/r/Divorce_Men06/08/20 06:36 PM
3

scheduling sex is definitely a thing. expensive, though.
/r/Divorce_Men04/08/20 08:51 PM
3

"if the knuckle shuffle got you through high school, it can get you through your divorce as well"
/r/Divorce_Men04/08/20 08:50 PM
6

I don't want revenge. I think that marriage is untenable in this age of moral relativism, and it's a particularly bad deal for men. Trying to be objective, but I think there is a little upside from the legal contract.
/r/Divorce_Men29/07/20 09:59 PM
1

The only thing I haven't quite sorted is how to talk my own boys out of getting married without looking like a bitter vindictive divorcee. Letting them know the size and duration of my alimony payment, explaining that it means that I can't do as much for them now and go ask your mom, while they can see that she's both broke and not working, seems like it's doing the trick.
/r/Divorce_Men29/07/20 06:40 PM
17

Was it midlife? Was it hormones?... Is it that she never loved me, I was just a provider, and now my value is done? Mine turned into a polyamorous bisexual, mind you, after 25 years of a straight het marriage and raising a family of two teenage boys. I believe that many women in their mid 40s go straight crazy due to hormonal influx from approaching menopause. Couple with a mid-life crisis and then supported by an entitlement mentality of "you deserve everything your heart desires" and there are…
/r/Divorce_Men29/07/20 06:16 PM
5

Translate the guilt into learnings, about what you can, will, and need to do better next time. What part did you play? What led you to those actions? How will you recognize those actions again, and what will you change when you see them start to trigger? You should own your mistakes. In doing so, learn what in you needs to change to be a good partner. Your marriage was a learning experience that could just make you stronger.
/r/Divorce_Men28/07/20 10:22 PM
1

But she acts like the children are hers because she knows how much it hurts you and because the law is on her side. I'm not sure about that. I think she just does it because she wants to, and women don't like giving up things that they want and are told that they deserve. I don't consider myself a RPer either, but the sense of entitlement, without earning it, is ime outrageous and a pox on our society.
/r/Divorce_Men23/07/20 05:17 PM
3

That's pretty much how it went, yep. I think they just straight up get bored.
/r/Divorce_Men20/07/20 04:14 PM
3

The whole time I had to listen to the STBXW talking and laughing with the kids You can be sure that she was putting on a show for your benefit.
/r/Divorce_Men16/07/20 04:06 PM
2

A lot of X are going to find this out very soon. My ex absolutely depends on my alimony payment to her to make her house payment. 100%. However, my job is at risk due to Covid and other factors. My earning potential is not easy to calculate, imo, as i'm in a strange field. Not to get into it too much, but if I lose this job there is a very real possibility I won't work in this field again, or even if I do, that I can secure anywhere close to the same pay as I have now. I used to worry about losi…
/r/Divorce_Men10/07/20 07:52 PM
2

Right. And if you really can live anywhere, I'd move to a state with low alimony and then long enough to establish residency. And then serve. That's playing a long game, but it might be worth it. The trick will be to get her to move back to the US, and to the state of your choosing. If she's shit testing you, she might refuse to move and then you're looking at an international custody battle and I have no idea how that will go.
/r/Divorce_Men12/06/20 12:37 AM
5

Ignore her. She no longer gets to tell you what to think.
/r/Divorce_Men08/06/20 03:26 PM
1

judges are generally old men who may not share those values. In most states they don't care at all.
/r/Divorce_Men08/06/20 03:25 PM
3

The court opined on the question if the wife allowed to add up the money that her in-laws have given and use that to get higher child and spousal support? the graspiness knows no bounds. It's their fucking money, and the wife feels entitled to keep that milk flowing out of that teat because they deigned to give some of it to him during the marriage?
/r/Divorce_Men29/05/20 05:39 PM
2

You can always have one that can review your proposals and correct your mistakes without letting her know that you have one. He doesn't necessarily need to be your mouthpiece unless you give him that role.
/r/Divorce_Men18/05/20 03:19 PM
3

Define "serious". My STBXW introduced her new partner to the kids 9 months after I was out of the house; she'd been serious with her sometime before that. So she basically took about 4 months or less to find someone else to latch onto. Although I gather lesbian relationships are often co-dependent by their nature. I've had a few casual (three dates or less) hookups, and and am now in my second "come over any time" relationship. However, I have a hard time imagining cohabbing again, let alone get…
/r/Divorce_Men14/03/20 10:48 PM
2

So someone can be a lying cheating slut whore scumbag, break marriage vows and it doesn't matter? yes. Doesn't this show said persons moral character? I suppose, but the court will not allow the evidence to be introduced. Sorry but if that's the way our laws are headed, it's wrong. That's now true in the majority of states. Infidelity doesn't bear on the reasons for divorce, or factor into the support that will be owed afterwards. Either that or marriage doesn't mean much anymore. I think you go…
/r/Divorce_Men29/01/20 05:47 PM
6

I understand. You want to make sure you’re not being a crazy paranoid delusional. You aren’t. Trust your gut.
/r/Divorce_Men29/01/20 01:03 AM
5

I can shove it up her ass in divorce court This is actually pretty unusual anymore. Most states don't want to hear the sordid details, and it doesn't matter to either child support or spousal support calculations. Again, it depends on the state, but it's not worth waiting for that gotcha moment because it's unlikely you're going to get one. You can just fucking up and leave now.
/r/Divorce_Men28/01/20 10:26 PM
4

You don't need evidence. You can just quit.
/r/Divorce_Men28/01/20 10:24 PM
1

the only way I could see doing that is by agreeing to increase her monthly support. in essence you'd be paying her long term for an unbalanced distribution of marital equity. I think that's a bad idea, but that's not your question.
/r/Divorce_Men28/01/20 07:35 PM
2

You can do this.
/r/Divorce_Men20/01/20 08:01 AM
8

Making you doubt your own sanity is the cruelest thing they do to us.
/r/Divorce_Men02/01/20 07:33 PM
1

On Christmas? No sense of propriety, some people. No doubt she considered it as "giving a gift to herself"
/r/Divorce_Men27/12/19 08:22 PM
1

That's a great recommendation. For some reason meetups just haven't occurred to me.
/r/Divorce_Men23/12/19 12:42 AM
5

Do anything to avoid spending Christmas alone, unless that truly makes you happy. Last year, I volunteered at a shelter to serve meals. As many volunteers want to spend the day with their own families, it provided an opportunity for them to get a break as well. I'd recommend this experience as being true to the season.
/r/Divorce_Men23/12/19 12:31 AM
5

Yup, you are done. And attempting to shift responsibility to her for your actions is no bueno. If she says "let's" then you can say "no" and the "but I'm addict so her enablement is her fault" is rank bs. Hopefully you can get moved out and figure your life out and get dry and earn time back with the kids. In the meantime, she's right--it's time for you to go. GL. I hope you can get sorted. By your own admission, this relationship is not going to help with that.
/r/Divorce_Men20/12/19 07:32 PM
3

My wife is very emotionally needy but sex is not on her list. She's using you for her needs but not reciprocating for yours. No wonder she doesn't want a divorce, she's worried she won't be able to find another man to exploit. I wouldn't wait until May, tbh. I'd start the process 1/1/2020 and then maybe you can be done by May as a birthday present to yourself--the rest of your life. And I hope you soak her for alimony. The more women have to pay alimony themselves, the more equitable the system …
/r/Divorce_Men20/12/19 06:28 PM
2

I dont want to live alone or date at 40 either At least OP would get control of his money back to make his own choices and get his dreams back. And if she makes more, he's likely to get spousal support as well (depending on state). She basically doesn't want to divorce so she has a man around to be able to open jars for her, or even has a beard so she's not hassled about being single. That's not a marriage.
/r/Divorce_Men20/12/19 06:23 PM
1

And: I’m actually in legal trouble of domestic abuse This relationship is over once the cuffs go on. forget it.
/r/Divorce_Men06/12/19 08:42 AM
3

Man everyone keeps assuming that as the first intent. Lol. I mean, it did cause me to do some looking, and well. At those prices it'd be hard to say no.
/r/Divorce_Men22/11/19 07:48 PM
6

Hope not! Getting on a plane tonight! You about gave me a heart attack, lol. https://thaiembdc.org/visas/
/r/Divorce_Men22/11/19 06:50 PM
16

I'm going to Thailand! Cheap flights for lonely men over the Thanksgiving holiday!
/r/Divorce_Men22/11/19 06:43 PM
1

I'm bolting. I'm going to Thailand for Thanksgiving week. Cheap cause everyone else in the US is going to be with their families. It'll be warm and cheap and different and #nothere. I didn't really want to be around for a very family holiday. This is literally the first international travel (outside of Canada, which doesn't count) I've done alone without an expense account backing me up. I do have the kids for Xmas, so will stick around this year. Anyone have tips for 4 days in Thailand?
/r/Divorce_Men15/11/19 06:36 AM
1

I started skimming too. The details of the discovery of adultery are painful and it's good to share, but not particularly useful here. try in /r/survivinginfidelity. The best news for OP is that if she's working and you're not, she could wind up paying you for spousal support and child support. She'll find the change to her financial situation to be discomfiting. That is, unless there's a credible threat that she would leave the country with your daughter. I don't know how you prevent that, exac…
/r/Divorce_Men13/11/19 07:10 PM
5

“Good Christians” don’t divorce. Mark 10:9.
/r/Divorce_Men19/10/19 09:45 PM
1

I have to confirm this, especially the second sentence. Ofc she wants it amicable. She wants you to be compliant. That means she wants and expects to get more than her fair share. Maybe she really will accept 50/50 and reasonable alimony, custody, and child support. But I doubt.
/r/Divorce_Men19/10/19 08:50 AM
9

Whatever you do, for the love of god, don’t have kids. Personally I tried it for 9 months. I really only stuck it out that long because I didn’t want to break up the family. And lose 1/2 of my accumulated savings and have an uncertain future. But we were together way longer too. Why does she want it to work? It’s probably more fear of the unknown than to be with you at this point, and that’s resolvable. If she’s disgusted by you physically then thus is over. That visceral reaction is really hard…
/r/Divorce_Men13/10/19 09:53 PM
6

And btw: you guys didn’t work not because you were different. Everyone is different. You didn’t work because you didn’t respect each others differences.
/r/Divorce_Men12/10/19 07:27 PM
3

She should take the apartment and you should stay in the house. The arrangement should be reversed. Who filed makes no difference.
/r/Divorce_Men12/10/19 07:26 PM
1

We were "trying to keep the kids out of it" which means use them as leverage against me rather that bearing her fair share. She means "I want you to keep the kids out of it, but I'm not going to do anything on my side of the equation." Once they get used to seeing you as moneybags, it's hard to change their perspective.
/r/Divorce_Men11/10/19 04:21 PM
2

That sounds high, I’m from Oregon to the north.
/r/Divorce_Men03/10/19 06:26 PM
1

Right. Mine started at 60/40 asset split in her favor for only a minor reduction in alimony liability. I told her to pound sand, she took me to court and lost the first skirmish. Now she’s trying for more out of court. This all could have been avoided if she’d been reasonable, but someone got into her ear about her deserving more. I hope that turns out to be very bad advice.
/r/Divorce_Men02/10/19 04:03 PM
2

I might too, if it's really non-negotiable. My attorney still gives me hope, but plan B is to get the kids into college, transfer remaining assets to a swiss bank account, and then expat to someplace they don't extradite or garnish. In the meantime, I'll tour candidate countries as a visitor. Lifetime alimony is rank and utter bullshit. I honestly get some period of transition--3 years, 5 years, whatever. But seriously, in 30 years to think that she can't find a way to support herself on her own…
/r/Divorce_Men02/10/19 06:50 AM
2

I think there must be some cultural things that some women get exposed to growing up that make them think that once they have your kids, they have no longer will ever have any responsibility or need to provide for themselves, no matter what happens I have heard repeatedly, from SAHM up to very professional women, that they just want to be cared for. Not all women. But more than you’d think. I think it could be confused feminism: they want the empowerment, but haven’t fully accepted the responsib…
/r/Divorce_Men02/10/19 05:44 AM
2

Yes, to answer your question. Alimony makes it considerably worse: you get screwed for having sacrificed your life to working.
/r/Divorce_Men14/09/19 06:33 PM
2

Naturopathy/homeopathy is quackery, I can't believe someone can legally sell a degree in that let alone it cost more than $5k. They can sell whatever, but shouldn't be able to qualify for government backed loans. We can thank Betsy DeVos for propping up the the for-profit degree mills with help from your taxes.
/r/Divorce_Men16/08/19 10:28 PM
3

She'll lose that fight, too. Especially in WA.
/r/Divorce_Men16/08/19 09:31 PM
3

She refuses to find a job And yet you're the deadbeat. lol. You't not deadbeat simply because you refuse to support the life of another grown adult.
/r/Divorce_Men16/08/19 09:30 PM
1

Joint vs sole should not have a bearing on the custody time, only on decisions made regarding housing and medical.
/r/Divorce_Men05/08/19 10:24 PM
3

Can concur. Alimony will depend on your income, but it will be a significant fraction of your current income. Child support is dictated by an online calculator, at least in my state, and it will also depend on your income and how much time you get for custody.
/r/Divorce_Men02/08/19 06:18 AM
5

She will want it amicable up until the point you minimize the support discrepancy, at which point it'll get bloody. The only way that amicable divorces happen is when the marital equity is easy to split (cash), there aren't kids, and the incomes are equal. Otherwise the STBXW quickly realize that they can't live on what they make on their own and then try to extract from you as much as possible, you defend your own finances, and then it gets ugly. Of course they want it amicable. They want the s…
/r/Divorce_Men30/07/19 03:41 PM
2

I pretty much assumed that if I tried to cohabitate it wouldn’t keep her from bringing dudes home, and I’d go fucking crazy. So I bailed and never looked back.
/r/Divorce_Men28/07/19 01:34 AM
3

Thank you! Maybe if we had done this all along none of this would have occurred I think so, yes. If I can only chose one regret in my life, it's not listening to my parents when they said I was too young to get married. I'm a pretty down on the whole institution of marriage in general, for obvious reasons, but for the love of sweet jesus don't get married before you're 30. You need at least 10 years of alone time to get yourself sorted before you can commit to someone else. Getting married to so…
/r/Divorce_Men23/07/19 06:40 PM
4

I used to live for everyone else. I have always lived in negotiation with someone else. I've been partnered with my now ex since before I left college. I've started doing things on the weekends and just following my own nose, and it's been a little fraught, to be honest. Some things turned out great and some things kinda sucked. But they were my risk to take. Just last weekend a gal that I've been dating wanted me to cancel a planned activity to spend time with her instead, and I'm, like, no. Yo…
/r/Divorce_Men23/07/19 06:23 PM
3

I'm right there with you, man. I was just telling this to my therapist the other day. I've been a father and husband for 25 years. I knew what I was supposed to, and as importantly, I knew what I was supposed to do going forward. Continue to provide for the family for the next ~15 years, and then retire to a quiet life until I die. Now that that role is degraded, knowing what I'm supposed to do next to have a realized life is much harder. I'm still a father, obviously, but only 1/2 time (or less…
/r/Divorce_Men23/07/19 05:20 PM
1

No. Besides clearly being selfish (it's about your time with the kids, you didn't describe the impact that you think the kids will feel) you don't have a relationship and it doesn't sound like you're inclined to have one. This is not the kind of behavior you want to model.
/r/Divorce_Men20/07/19 03:43 AM
2

As much as you want to, and we all make the same mistake, Tinder is probably a bad idea. Tinder is a reaction from the lizard part of your brain.
/r/Divorce_Men09/07/19 08:37 PM
1

It blows my mind that we are in the age of the quality and men are still paying for women long after the women have decided we are useless. I ask where she's going out at night, and I'm "controlling". Yet she has no problems controlling me through compulsory lifetime alimony. The best is when they spin alimony as an exertion of their feminist empowerment, as in, "getting what they're due". IMNSHO, alimony is the opposite of feminism. If you were really that empowered you would be self-supporting…
/r/Divorce_Men08/07/19 04:43 PM
1

Option 2. Get out early and fast. Your own lawyer told you: for every two years you spend in the marriage, your alimony obligation increases by another year. Besides the financial considerations, the faster you get out the younger you'll be when you begin rebuilding your life, and have more life to give to yourself and even to someone else.
/r/Divorce_Men01/07/19 04:16 PM
5

She can still “drag you to court” and yes take money from you and your household to support her. The amount and reasons depend widely by state. Get a lawyer.
/r/Divorce_Men12/06/19 07:01 AM
10

“It’s what a man does” lol She no longer has anything credibility on those kinds of assessments of character, what’s right or wrong, or anything like it. All of that you simply ignore. She can think whatever she thinks, but you own your reaction. Do you want to leave? No? Then don’t. Do what’s right and works for you.
/r/Divorce_Men04/06/19 01:35 PM
5

Your bf wasn’t ready to date. Changing my profile pics was one if the first things I did.
/r/Divorce_Men17/05/19 11:20 PM
2

Does it make him rethink? IME, no. Men in general find it easier to compartmentalize. Once they decide the rubicon has been crossed, they begin to start cutting their losses in all aspects--emotionally and financially. It took me a long time to get there, and my STBXW is nowhere close to that so it's really pretty moot, but hypothetically if she were to ask me, I'd want to know: why? what do I have to gain from her that I can't find on my own? like, in so many words. I might entertain it if this…
/r/Divorce_Men17/05/19 09:12 PM
1

bye, felicia
/r/Divorce_Men17/05/19 09:07 PM
5

Highly state dependent. Talk to a lawyer.
/r/Divorce_Men17/05/19 03:33 PM
3

"being ashamed" and "opening up" is not enough to excuse violence. My thoughts are: this relationship is over. You need more distance from it.
/r/Divorce_Men13/05/19 06:38 AM
7

I hit my husband a few a times I really didn't need to read any farther than this. You should get the help you need so you don't feel the need to use physical force during your next relationship, but this one was over when that occurred.
/r/Divorce_Men13/05/19 06:11 AM
4

IMO most disagreements come from money. If you can reasonably give her what she needs to feel comfortable, then you can avoid issues. The big question is, can she feel comfortable on what you are willing to give, and those are both very big subjective questions.
/r/Divorce_Men10/05/19 06:20 PM
3

This kills me: "she flatly refused". She's about to learn that she has lost the ability to make choices like that about your life and is now going to have a certain part of her life governed by the courts in the absence of an agreement with you. I don't want to pay alimony either. Guess what, it's not a (legal) choice that she will get to make. If she's refusing to give you what you think is reasonable support for your lifestyle, it's time to lawyer up. If she wants to avoid lawyers, she needs t…
/r/Divorce_Men10/05/19 05:51 PM
6

You forgot to point out how he managed to squeak out 1.75 kids with that woman in two years and is already pulling the rip cord. You need more help than you're going to get from reddit on getting your head around this, bub. You need work and you will need to pay for it.
/r/Divorce_Men29/04/19 07:39 PM
5

Let me guess, the so called adventure was mostly her idea
/r/Divorce_Men16/04/19 02:03 PM
5

How much infidelity will impact you in court is state dependent. Many states it's not a factor at all; some it remains so. Her lawyer will dig as deep as she wants to pay.
/r/Divorce_Men21/03/19 06:41 PM
6

decide for yourself?
/r/MGTOW15/03/19 07:19 PM
3

Because we are scared, as a culture, of the power of male sexuality.
/r/MGTOW07/03/19 04:45 PM
2

try to remember what's best for the kid
/r/Divorce_Men12/02/19 08:23 PM
2

Should I do it? No. The better idea is to leave well enough alone and move on--away--from entanglement with her. You should be focusing on your new gf, not rehashing the past.
/r/Divorce_Men12/02/19 06:53 PM
2

“Agreed” Assuming that’s a verbal between you and her, it’s time to get a lawyer. Lawyer lawyer lawyer
/r/Divorce_Men03/02/19 09:35 AM
6

For sure. You know that your life is going to change in a relatively unpredicted way, and change is very scary and hard. It can easily feel like you're not up to the task. But then you remember to put one foot in front of the other, and accept the new reality bit by bit. You throw away your old playbook and start over from scratch, just like you did when you were younger. And when you realize that, you realize that Divorce is an opportunity to remake your dreams, but this still with more knowled…
/r/Divorce_Men28/01/19 11:36 PM
1

State dependent, and ask your lawyer. The money that you spend on counsel will be paid back 10X in alimony mitigation. IMO it's money well spent.
/r/Divorce_Men28/01/19 09:11 PM
2

No. Is the answer. There is no compromise. You have the law on your side and no reason to give. The compromise is to move her fiancé to where you and the kids are. If that’s not feasible she should have chosen a more suitable bf that was in alignment with the constraints of her situation. Or, she can surrender custody to you. It’s her choice, she’s s big girl with hard decisions to make. This is what it means to be an adult.
/r/Divorce_Men26/01/19 04:14 AM
2

Don’t sign that lease. Sign a lease for yourself.
/r/Divorce_Men24/01/19 11:52 PM
4

IS forcing Celibacy on a partner and expecting them to remain monogamous fair? No. She'd daring you to leave. Call her bluff. You might as well move in with a room mate, that's clearly what you have now. She will be astonished when you divorce her, because sex to her is NBD so doesn't value it and understand it as a motivating factor. And she doesn't think that it will matter enough to you to compel a life change. It can, and does. If you merely wanted a room mate you wouldn't have gotten marrie…
/r/Divorce_Men22/01/19 08:31 PM
2

Mazeltov!
/r/Divorce_Men11/01/19 03:45 PM
11

Why? I mean literally, what is the upside?
/r/Divorce_Men10/01/19 08:26 PM
2

Don't take advice from her attorney. Get your own, and your own impartial friends, to calibrate you on what's true.
/r/Divorce_Men02/01/19 06:18 PM
1

Dads Starting Over https://dadstartingover.com
/r/Divorce_Men26/12/18 08:53 PM
1

I’m almost certain I saw this in a dso comment.
/r/Divorce_Men26/12/18 05:29 AM
4

What's best for the kids?
/r/Divorce_Men25/12/18 01:55 AM
3

Resolve to learn from it. I made lots of mistakes, but honestly the process of the divorce has taught me so much that in many respects it's helpful.
/r/Divorce_Men10/12/18 08:18 PM
2

Ikr, it's madness. I just about lost it when I read the article that quotes women as saying "I've lied to you because you can't handle the truth". I assumed, of course, that my wife came up with that on her own because I'm such a terrible undeveloped person; nope. It's such a trope that DSO captured it in an article. And the whole "let's open our relationship" thing. And. And. And. The guy that writes DSO (/u/dadstartingover_com) is a good guy and responded to me personally. Those articles blew …
/r/Divorce_Men29/11/18 09:25 PM
4

I don't mean to make it sound easy. It's not. But: this isn't novel. She's not saying anything that hasn't been said before. And women are conditioned at being very good at manipulating emotions that many men don't have defenses against. My STBXW got me so screwed up I couldn't tell black from white for awhile, I've been right where you are, and sometimes it takes someone punching through the haze to pull you out. Read through those DSO articles. They did wonders for me at finally being able to …
/r/Divorce_Men29/11/18 07:39 PM
8

that would make her feel safe enough to reconcile our marriage That's emotional extortion. Who knows what exactly goes through their brains, but it's all utter bullshit. Must be something along the lines of: "it's not me, it's him, I'm a good person, he's a jerk, therefore I'm totally righteous in screwing around cause he drove me to it ". And she'll say to you that only if you get better then she can get better too; but you'll never be good enough because the problem isn't you, it's her, and sh…
/r/Divorce_Men29/11/18 07:30 PM
2

If your future ex has a competent atty or even PI, those remote assets will be part of the division. What you really want is a prenup if you have premarital assets you want to protect.
/r/Divorce_Men28/11/18 09:49 PM
2

GL. Went through the opening thing too, also on the back off unresolved resentment about equal effort to the household. Ended as well as expected. The fact is: Women also go through a mid life crisis They have a hormonal change premenopause that drives them get one last kid in before they turn, father doesn’t matter Resentment is the enemy of love. You got yours from your second kid, I had mine for other reasons. But the result is the same, no way opening the relationship can survive it. Don’t e…
/r/Divorce_Men23/11/18 06:51 PM
9

There is no one more self absorbed than a teenager. Remember when you were a teenager? Maybe you don't, but I do. I was so busy figuring my own head out the last thing I could was figure out someone else's. Let alone my father, who, honestly, we just take for granted as being a presence in our lives. The thing that parents know that it takes a long time for their kids to realize is that parents are just people too, with feelings and everything. I'm 48, and a male, and an asshole, but still--put …
/r/Divorce_Men06/11/18 06:02 AM
1

Ignore her. Her opinions, simply, don’t matter.
/r/Divorce_Men05/11/18 08:45 PM
1

You want real talk? Infidelity is survivable. You can perhaps fix this if you’re willing to make an effort. Whether you want to or not is something that you will need to both decide.
/r/Divorce_Men05/11/18 03:10 AM
1

Wait until he finds out about alimony.
/r/Divorce_Men05/11/18 12:54 AM
2

Community property differs state by state, however.
/r/Divorce_Men05/11/18 12:54 AM
1

12 year old child Who gets primary custody and pays for it will be the crux of the conflict. Also, 18 years of marriage has implications to alimony that my not be favorable. Even though you're chapter 7 and dissolved, if there is an imbalance in earning potential that could be an issue. I have money. I'm going to lose lots of it once we divide assets. But I'll still have some left over and it's made a number of things easier, like finding a place for myself and furnishing it. If you're broke wit…
/r/Divorce_Men04/11/18 03:33 PM
1

Alrighty then, better question: why?
/r/RedPillWomen26/03/14 02:54 AM
1

As the rest of this thread shows, that just means that he's good at hiding it.
/r/RedPillWomen25/03/14 05:27 AM
You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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