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AudreyTooTwo Archive

View 13 posts and 642 comments by AudreyTooTwo on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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Upvotes Title Category Author Subreddit Date (UTC)
63

AudreyTooTwo/r/Divorce_Men21/06/23 09:55 PM
59

AudreyTooTwo/r/Divorce_Men09/11/22 12:45 PM
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AudreyTooTwo/r/Divorce_Men15/10/23 12:53 PM
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AudreyTooTwo/r/Divorce_Men01/08/23 06:23 PM
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AudreyTooTwo/r/Divorce_Men29/03/23 08:28 PM
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AudreyTooTwo/r/Divorce_Men11/04/23 03:29 PM
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AudreyTooTwo/r/Divorce_Men25/04/23 04:37 AM
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AudreyTooTwo/r/Divorce_Men27/12/22 10:10 PM
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AudreyTooTwo/r/Divorce_Men02/01/23 05:27 PM
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AudreyTooTwo/r/Divorce_Men08/09/23 06:02 PM
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AudreyTooTwo/r/Divorce_Men03/10/23 06:11 PM
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AudreyTooTwo/r/Divorce_Men05/04/23 05:41 AM
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AudreyTooTwo/r/Divorce_Men10/12/22 02:57 AM
Upvotes Comment on Subreddit Date (UTC)
8

"Emotional labor" is one of those nouveau, woke, pop-psychology words that women like to use today. No one was using that phrase a few years ago. I understand that language evolves, but does anyone else notice that it skews towards the victimization of women? Or should I say the SELF-victimization? It's like "speech is violence" and how rape now includes the woman changing her mind about consent the next morning. There are more examples, but it all skews in one direction. Anyway, I was consideri…
/r/Divorce_Men29/10/23 12:20 PM
2

I glanced at your post history, but I really didn't dig very deep. I feel like I'm missing part of the story. Were you ever abusive to the kid? Drugs or alcohol part of the picture? Yes, I know that women lie about abuse, and some courts side with them. But it's quite a stretch for a judge to remove all contact between a child and a parent with no evidence. That's downright criminal. And I'm confused why you would offer or agree to supervised visitation. That's something for dads who've been phy…
/r/Divorce_Men26/10/23 11:57 PM
2

It’s the latest buzzword ... Not only that, but it's used as an insult. If it's genuinely a mental health disorder, there should be sympathy, not disdain. The way I see it, NPD can be blessing in some ways. Ignoring the insults, they can be extremely productive people. I worked for a Narcissist once -- a true, horrible, fucking asshole of a boss. But, I admit, he was damn good at making money. And in a meeting of conflicting ideas, he tended to get his way. He's a total asshole, but he'll retire…
/r/Divorce_Men24/10/23 08:57 PM
4

Sorry, OP, not a serious reply. I'm laughing to myself a little bit at my own answer: Your wife's lawyer will do your financial planning for you, don't worry.
/r/Divorce_Men24/10/23 08:51 PM
5

Did want her to compound you more often?
/r/Divorce_Men24/10/23 08:40 PM
12

Interesting post. Maybe my situation is a bit more extreme than some of you. But I felt terribly burned and betrayed after my divorce. My first flew flings? I never told them my real last name. One woman I was serious about, and I told her my real name and background after a few months. I thought I could trust her. But when we broke up, she reached out to my ex on Facebook and they had a delightful conversation, I'm sure. Here I was trying to keep my private life totally compartmentalized and pr…
/r/Divorce_Men24/10/23 08:35 PM
3

Inner battle? I told my nephew outright that I would murder us both if he ever got married. Because, you know, I love him so much. I really tried to tell him. But the little bastard went ahead and did it in secrecy. What's worse is he married a Feminist. This bitch would come to dinner with a shirt that said "The Future Is Female" or "Feminism Is The Radical Idea That Women Are Human Too". I always liked that last one. Gee, I thought women were owls or dolphins. I didn't realize they're human, d…
/r/Divorce_Men24/10/23 01:28 PM
2

meditative, attorney-assisted meditative, collaborative This is a good point. Almost all lawyers seem to think that going to trial is the answer. I think it depends on how much money they think they can squeeze out of you.
/r/Divorce_Men24/10/23 01:24 AM
3

My advice is to do some research. Of course, you won't know yet who the opposing lawyer is, or the judge. But the relationship between the lawyers and the judge says more than anything else, in my opinion. The lawyer community is all in-bred, they all know each other, and either hate or love each other. I'd try to find a lawyer who is familiar with the judges and is often in the courthouse. That goes a long way. If you're a big city, this might be easier said than done. I divorced in a smallish …
/r/Divorce_Men24/10/23 01:19 AM
2

I'm not sure if foreign travel is on your horizon. But that was a big sticking point for me and my ex. I travel a lot, so I wanted my kids to have passports. Her attitude was "over my dead body". So, our lawyers got rich fighting over that. I'm sure I paid for my lawyer's family trip to Spain. That's nice. I hope they had a good time.
/r/Divorce_Men24/10/23 01:11 AM
2

I thought of something more along these lines. Unfortunately, it's not really enforceable by the court. Just something to watch out for. Sometimes moms have the kid sleep with them, in their bed, even when the kid has their bedroom. My ex did this and I never really thought about it. But other dads have told me, when it happened to them, the kid was so 'adjusted' to their nighttime routine, they didn't want to sleep anywhere but mom's bed. I think some moms know exactly what they're doing. You m…
/r/Divorce_Men24/10/23 01:08 AM
7

Well, despite your 500k past, you're headed in the right direction now. My advice would be to keep the current situation going as long as you can. My ex could earn 200k a year during our marriage. But she decided to take some time off, which stretched into three years -- THEN -- she wanted a divorce. I wanted my judge to impute her previous 200k to her, but he only imputed minimum wage, which was a joke. Of course, not all courts are the same; not all judges are the same; and men and women are t…
/r/Divorce_Men22/10/23 01:10 PM
4

Custody should presumptively go to the parent who doesn't cheat I'm with you most of the way, but I have to disagree here. I feel like this is a Feminist talking point -- that a bad husband NECESSARILY means a bad father. We all agree that it's better for kids to have two involved parents. So, you're proposing we punish the children for the sins of a parent?
/r/Divorce_Men22/10/23 12:59 PM
8

I was temporarily insane while trying to get her panties off.
/r/Divorce_Men22/10/23 12:55 PM
4

OK, I'll be the voice of dissent here. Everyone here says it's illegal and worthless. Illegal? If the car is property of the marriage, I can't imagine it's illegal to track your own car. What if it were anti-theft purposes? And worthless? I understand OP's need to know the truth. I like the spy games. I agree that the information will probably ultimately be worthless in court. But all intelligence is useful. The way I see it, divorce is war. Even the law says that divorce is "adversarial" (which…
/r/Divorce_Men20/10/23 06:14 PM
3

fighting with people with opposite views, her never ending family drama It's shocking when you see friends/family arguing on FB, getting mean and personal, and it's a PUBLIC thread, for all to see. I don't do FB, but there used to a website that showed donated examples of how trashy it could be. It was really shocking to see people so eager to show their dirty laundry. EDIT: I found the website: https://lamebook.com/category/douchebags/
/r/Divorce_Men19/10/23 04:00 PM
5

Oh God. I just had a flashback. Was on a date, girl's phone kept giving one notification sound after another. She was trying to be polite and not check her phone. But the chimes were driving me crazy. She finally checked. It seems some of her friends were at a party and were constantly posting. Whatever. So, she agreed to silence her phone. But she really just put it on vibrate. THEN, she put it down on a glass table. HAVE YOU EVER HEARD SOMETHING VIBRATING ON A GLASS TABLE? It's fucking louder …
/r/Divorce_Men19/10/23 03:56 PM
3

Wow, I'm not the only one. I texted her urgently once; was ignored. But yet, it's always in her hands.
/r/Divorce_Men19/10/23 03:52 PM
4

vilified Vilified by whom? Angry women? I notice that anytime MGTOM comes up on a female sub, it's instantly attacked, its followers being called incels, losers, etc. But I've always believed the VERY BEST examples of MGTOW are invisible, and you'll never see them. They're men who are quietly amassing a small fortune (so they can retire comfortably and early), they're pursuing their own hobbies and obsessions, they're taking care of their health, they're truly in charge of their own life. You'll…
/r/Divorce_Men19/10/23 03:16 PM
8

Sounds familiar. My ex read the ENTIRE Wikipedia page on narcissism. Therefore, she is, of course, as fully qualified to diagnose me as a Ph.D in clinical psychology. Plus, plenty of websites that attract unhappy wives tend to have those "10 Signs Your Husband Has Borderline Personality Disorder" articles with a little quiz at the end, e.g.: "Does he ever tell you 'no' when you want something?", then add one to his score. Plus, it doesn't help that the word 'abuse' has lost all meaning. When I w…
/r/Divorce_Men14/10/23 02:15 AM
2

child support is to ensure your children can be taken care of properly Wow, you must be new here. Tell us more, Carol. Please explain from up there on your moral high ground how parents are responsible for their kids.
/r/Divorce_Men14/10/23 02:09 AM
2

Another wonderful quote from Mark Twain: The difference between a man and a dog is that a homeless dog won't bite you if you feed him. I don't know if he meant that as a subtle dig towards an ex-wife, but it sure fits.
/r/Divorce_Men11/10/23 09:11 PM
1

"LOL"? Yeah, this is fucking hysterical.
/r/Divorce_Men07/10/23 11:55 PM
1

Court ordered support is court ordered support. And meaningless tautologies are meaningless tautologies. Only psychos get salty about support?
/r/Divorce_Men07/10/23 11:53 PM
6

I know this goes off-topic a little, but it shows that doing the "right thing" isn't enough. I have a degree in software and consider myself a pretty good software engineer. I'm still a little depressed over an article I found last week of a young 20-something who writes video game HACKS and made 3/4 of a million last year. Hacks -- so teenage boys can outperform each other in online video games. Makes me wonder why I busted my ass studying for calculus classes and information theory exams. So y…
/r/Divorce_Men07/10/23 11:50 PM
2

/u/rb577511 is right, you can reinvent yourself. You never know where this freedom can take you. I had no background at all in agriculture or biology, but as my marriage failed, I developed an interest in palm trees – of all things. Eventually, I was reading books and ordering seeds from around the world, producing specimens of rare and endangered desert palms. It was a pleasant distraction. And years later, I can go on Google Street View and see some of palms that I germinated from seed, growin…
/r/Divorce_Men05/10/23 10:48 PM
1

Want to buy a Jeep or a gun or a motorcycle? Go right ahead. This, so much. I cringe when I hear a man say, "The wife would never let me do that". Fun fact: I worked overseas for a while. Remote location, tough work, crew was entirely American men, about half were married. Contract lasted a few months. Tough living. Anyway, during those months, almost every man grew a beard. You might even say these were masculine men, on the verge of being "toxic" (as the kids like to say): tough, daring, no-bu…
/r/Divorce_Men05/10/23 10:38 PM
1

Gain some sanity / clarity back in your life without the arguments / fighting about dumb, irrelevant crap This alone is worth a special mention, especially if you were married to a woman who used Girl Math.
/r/Divorce_Men05/10/23 10:33 PM
1

I don't know much about CA. Any chance she wants to move to another state? I only ask (and point this out) because, some states do not recognize 50/50. In that case, there is ALWAYS a "custodial" parent and a "non-custodial" parent, even if that means 183 vs. 182 overnights per year. The reason, of course, is money. In some of those states, it's defined that the non-custodial parent pays the custodial parent a fixed amount in child support. By "fixed", I mean, as in, it's unrelated to the ratio …
/r/Divorce_Men05/10/23 10:27 PM
8

Nothing was good enough She always wanted to see great art masterpieces in European museums. So I took her on a surprise all-expenses-paid trip to Paris. Did I get a "thank you"? She was pissed that I didn't take her to Rome instead.
/r/Divorce_Men05/10/23 09:37 PM
3

Do you have a link for this? Because this sounds really fishy. You wrote "Good news", so I assumed this was, well, you know, NEWS. I looked in the news and can't find anything like this. I Googled it, and all I could see is that Iowa will terminate child support if BOTH parents agree. That's hardly a revolution. Again, do you have a source or a link for this groundbreaking news?
/r/Divorce_Men05/10/23 09:34 PM
2

Wow, so many questions. What is "expanded" discovery? I've never heard of that. In many states, there's a limit to the number of questions that can be asked. Lawyers, as you point out, will ask for ANYTHING and EVERYTHING, exceeding the limit, just to see if you're dumb enough to answer. In my state, the limit was something like 25 questions. My opposing lawyer sent over something 17 questions, but each one had multiple parts. I answered the first 25 subparts and objected to the rest. Never hear…
/r/Divorce_Men05/10/23 03:58 AM
2

Two comments. If possible, research whatever relationship exists between the OPPOSING lawyer and the judge. See if they ever worked together. Ask around if this lawyer often appears in front of your judge. If elected, looked at campaign contributions. IMHO, the relationship between the judge and opposing counsel is the most important thing to look at carefully. In one of my appeals, the judge and opposing lawyer were former colleagues. Guess how well that went for me? A hundred years ago, Mark T…
/r/Divorce_Men03/10/23 03:48 AM
26

No, you're not being gaslit. That's a stupid word that women started using and none of them seem to know what it really means. Women on Reddit think gaslighting is simply lying or disagreeing. It's more complicated than that. You're being lied to, straight-up. You're mistaking a broken heart for insanity. Your response is perfectly sane; it's the situation that's totally fucked-up. If you're already at the point where you need to snoop on her Google history and you can't trust what she says, it'…
/r/Divorce_Men03/10/23 03:39 AM
0

Agreed. When people talk about the need for child support, it's amazing how they rationalize it. My favorite one is so it "equalizes" the two households. First, there's no evidence that kids are harmed by growing up in unequal households. But second, there are cases like OP's where his standard of living is much lower due to CS.
/r/Divorce_Men03/10/23 03:32 AM
1

they will base it on her income potential Maybe. Maybe. But what's unaccounted for is now the mom has no incentive to work harder and earn more. If she were still single, she would be incentivized to take some classes, get the promotion, find a more lucrative career, and so on. But if she now has a rich new husband, she's free to be unemployed and not care at all that the court is imputing minimum wage to her. I know I'm making a lot of assumptions, but OP is not the first to complain that he's …
/r/Divorce_Men03/10/23 03:29 AM
2

OP, from the title of your post, I thought you were going to try to shame us or scold us. There are so many posts recently on Reddit (or seems to be) about how gross and icky and inappropriate for an older man to be attracted to a younger woman. It's gotten so bad, they'll call you a pedophile for being attracted to any woman under 25. And then the virtue-signaling simps line up to proudly announce that women in their 20s look like "literal children" to him. I question if these men are even hete…
/r/Divorce_Men30/09/23 04:43 PM
1

Wow, this is an interesting situation. I understand your concern about contempt charges. Your lawyer should be on top of that. But I would print out all the messages and texts (with timestamps) that show you tried and you offered. Perhaps make copies and send to the opposing lawyer (Certified Mail) and to the court clerk to be added to your file. I'm just spit-balling here. Again, your lawyer should be doing this. But I would start introducing evidence that you're TRYING to comply. That way, the…
/r/Divorce_Men29/09/23 06:51 PM
1

I doubt the police will volunteer to be babysitters "just in case".
/r/Divorce_Men29/09/23 06:45 PM
2

i get a call from police asking me to come to the station First, this line caught my eye. ALL MEN, ESPECIALLY WHEN DEALING WITH CRAZY WOMEN, should know to never talk to the police. They're fishing for a reason to arrest you. If you think you can outsmart the police, you cannot. Please watch a few minutes of this video. It's a criminal defense lawyer who gives several reasons why you shouldn't talk to the police. His Reason #1 starts HERE at 7:50. His Reason #2 goes off on some crazy, lengthy ta…
/r/Divorce_Men29/09/23 06:32 PM
2

the best revenge... Sorry, I had to do it.
/r/Divorce_Men28/09/23 06:43 PM
9

Ultimately, who gives a shit? Some moms start to think and believe that THEY are the 'real' parent. And they think the father is unqualified to have unregulated, unrestricted access to his own daughter. "Everything must go through me" is what mom will conclude. Pretty soon, he won't even be able to send his kid a birthday card or whatever, unless mom reviews it first and pre-approves. It's control. It's psychopathic. It's probably illegal, depending on his divorce decree. It's denying one parent…
/r/Divorce_Men28/09/23 06:35 PM
1

Same happened to me. But, in my case, the divorce decree specifically said that mom was not to monitor our communications. She did anyway. But at least it gave me some small handle to grab onto to file a motion with the court. Is filing a motion really worth it? Probably not; the judge might not care, even if it is a direct violation of a court order. But, you never know. So, I take it your parenting plan (or divorce decree, whatever) didn't specify this particular issue? I sympathize because mo…
/r/Divorce_Men28/09/23 06:30 PM
12

staying in touch feels like a bridge too far Have you considered making an online blog? Every few days, write them a note, tell them about your day. If you put their real names in the metadata, they'll find it if they ever Google themselves. They may not find it right away, but when they do, they'll know you were thinking of them. It's what I'm doing. http://black.blue/flat
/r/Divorce_Men27/09/23 07:48 PM
5

I gross about 11k a month and she grosses around 1.5k a month "CHA-CHING!!!" -your wife, after talking with her lawyer we will split custody 50/50 Just pray that her your wife and her lawyer don't get greedy. And prepared when it does happen. Her lawyer will tell her that she can get $700 (whatever) a month in child support with 50/50. OR -- she can get $2000 a month in child support if she gets full custody. And guess what happens then? Suddenly she'll remember how you hit the kids and they're …
/r/Divorce_Men27/09/23 05:20 PM
4

At some point your Adult children will likely come looking for you. People always say this, like it's supposed to be reassuring. But by then, you've missed out on all of the big stuff. I got to watch my oldest daughter graduate from high school on YouTube. Okay, suppose she comes looking for me in 10 years? For what? Money, probably. Then it's just another asshole with their hand out.
/r/Divorce_Men27/09/23 05:15 PM
10

OP, I am very sympathetic. You and I have been down the same road. Below is some text that I found on the internet a while ago. The author was some dad known only as 'John G.' HERE is the source if you want to see it. Anyway, I saved it because it hit so many nails on the head. If you're in a rush, skip down to the paragraph that starts, "I eventually reached a crossroads..." During my lengthy divorce, my ex-wife claimed I was abusive, that she was ‘afraid for her safety,’ and tried to get ‘supe…
/r/Divorce_Men27/09/23 05:07 PM
2

Had it happen to a client here Just curious, what business are you in? Something related to the subject at-hand?
/r/Divorce_Men27/09/23 04:55 PM
3

Men seek custody less often I'll try to keep this short. But I can talk about this at length. Recently on Reddit, I've seen a big uptick in women claiming that the bias against men in Family Court is a "myth". More than that, a debunked myth with studies to back it up. In fact, you'll also see claims that men are favored in custody disputes. Often, there's a link included as a reference or proof. Well, I went down that Rabbit Hole. I followed those links. I read the studies. Short story: they do…
/r/Divorce_Men26/09/23 04:22 PM
3

How much? Three Girth Units. sorry, OP, I couldn't resist
/r/Divorce_Men26/09/23 03:52 PM
1

some agreement around what new expectations will be What the Hell are you talking about? An agreement about expectations? You're getting divorced, right? That means you don't need anyone's permission to do anything. How do you decide an order to which changes are coming when? Wait, now you want a court order? To order what? Your post-divorce sex lives? I'm starting to think you don't understand what 'divorce' means. Then you ask about co-parenting. Well, hold up, now you're talking about two ver…
/r/Divorce_Men25/09/23 04:39 PM
5

For me, it's the word "entitled". It's a watchword. Look for it. On marriage and women subreddits, they love to talk about how men are not ENTITLED to sex, not ENTITLED to their bodies, not ENTITLED to their autonomy, not ENTITLED to her time or affection. And so many problems facing women are rooted in the idea that men feel ENTITLED. They beat that word to death. But, those very same people, in the context of divorce, will assure women they're ENTITLED to custody, ENTITLED to child support, EN…
/r/Divorce_Men25/09/23 04:28 PM
3

I'm not advocating violence. Unrelated, I heard a funny quote once in a movie: Never create a problem for someone the easiest solution to which is your own death.
/r/Divorce_Men25/09/23 04:24 PM
12

When she's on her back, the meter is running. Taking her "best years"... sure, like she got nothing out of it.
/r/Divorce_Men25/09/23 04:23 PM
3

specific examples of things she said "I've been raped by better men than you."
/r/Divorce_Men24/09/23 11:17 PM
5

A release with each other? Or a release with someone else? It's an important detail you omitted in the story. If she means you and her having sex, whatever you do, don't get her pregnant now. Make sure she swallows that load. Divorcing a pregnant woman is the lowest of low situations.
/r/Divorce_Men24/09/23 03:49 PM
2

Never knew how much all the clutter gave me anxiety and underlying stress until I lived without it. Such. Relief. Exactly this. I don't know if you saw my reply, but I should have included this sentiment. It is stressful living with clutter.
/r/Divorce_Men22/09/23 06:45 PM
2

I haven't been in your shoes, not exactly. But I get it. My ex had a rich mom who paid her legal bills. I had a limited budget for a lawyer. My ex knew this. They deliberately used every trick to drive up my legal costs. They buried me in paper while my lawyer charged $400/hr. In this case, I might suggest fighting fire with fire. Send your ex's lawyer a 55-page reply filled with fluff. Hell, use ChatGPT to come up with the text. Just page after page of quasi-legal fluff and meaningless proposal…
/r/Divorce_Men22/09/23 06:39 PM
4

Oh, brother, let me tell you. A few years after my divorce, I was watching old home movies from a house that since has been sold. I was shocked at how cluttered it was. Amazon boxes stacked in every corner, stacks of junk mail, odds-and-ends, every flat surface covered with SOMETHING. Even our kitchen counters were only about 80% useful because shit was stacked-up on the other 20%. We even had a big storage room downstairs. But it was literally stacked to the ceiling with all kinds of abandoned …
/r/Divorce_Men22/09/23 03:04 PM
1

Dude. Do I have to say it? What the fuck is an MSC? What's TIA? Whatever you do, don't give us any details at all. Then expect us to give you an answer to your situation.
/r/Divorce_Men21/09/23 07:38 PM
5

With kids so young, it's likely going to be a big issue. CS can vary with custody. If you go for 50/50 custody, you'll pay less. But some judges don't like the idea of little kids switching households every few days. They like to see the kids having a stable home, which, OF COURSE, is with mom. And normally, for the purposes of calculating income, the judge will impute minimum wage to an unemployed person. But she can of course argue that she's a SAHM, and genuinely can earn nothing. So, that's …
/r/Divorce_Men21/09/23 07:28 PM
33

Agreed. Going thru it yourself changes your perspective. Even in fiction. Remember that TV show Bing Bang Theory? I watched it years ago when it was new. I thought was funny but not amazing. I remember the storyline of Leonard, the shy nerdy scientist falling madly in love with Penny, the slutty stupid blonde girl next door. After my divorce, I remember re-watching it and turning it off in disgust. Yes, I know it's fiction. But so much of it rings true. Leonard was a true good guy: educated, pol…
/r/Divorce_Men20/09/23 06:07 PM
1

the thought of missing out of half of their lives ... Be sure it's just HALF and not more. maybe the right thing to do is suffer Two drowning people is not an improvement over one drowning person.
/r/Divorce_Men20/09/23 05:56 PM
11

The bottom comment from /u/Blackbarnabyjones got one thing right, I think. Take screenshots and create documentation. Even if you never use them or show them, you never know when they could come in handy in the future. And don't depend on having access to the guy's page forever, or that the content will be there forever. I've learned the hard way that when you see something interesting on the web, make a copy, right then and there. Not just a bookmark. Tomorrow, it could be gone. Personally, I'm…
/r/Divorce_Men19/09/23 01:50 PM
5

I think that bringing a lawyer into things might only help the narrative that OP is the bad guy Yeah, I think you're right. Then he's not just a deadbeat. He's a deadbeat with a bully lawyer.
/r/Divorce_Men19/09/23 01:45 PM
2

I'm hardly an expert on libel. But once you start talking about criminalizing free speech between adults, the First Amendment is a big, big hurdle. But the Family Courts are famous for ignoring the Constitution. Very often, a divorce decree will have some stipulation that one parent cannot disparage the other to the kids, or allow others to do it. OP might have some recourse there. I hate the idea of going back to court to solve every little problem. Example: some women will take their ex back t…
/r/Divorce_Men19/09/23 01:44 PM
1

How long have you been married? Is the 10-year anniversary coming up? For a couple of reasons, ten years is a bright line. In many states, marriages longer than ten years are considered "long-term". Plus, she can get your Social Security when she's old. There would be a clear financial incentive to keep the marriage alive until then. If that's not the case, is there another financial incentive? For me, my ex worked during the marriage and made good money. Looking back, I think she made up her mi…
/r/Divorce_Men18/09/23 12:31 PM
1

Watch out for the mercury intake, brother.
/r/Divorce_Men16/09/23 03:00 PM
8

not to get frustrated or mad because if you show an ounce of emotion, it will be used against you in the family court and it will be your fault I heard a great quote from Family Law critic Melissa Isaak: "Showing emotion wins cases for women; showing emotion loses cases for men." BTW, if you never heard of her, and enjoy long-format content, she has some blistering comments about how Family Courts treat men. Check out some of her speeches.
/r/Divorce_Men16/09/23 02:54 PM
6

you need to pay up full child support ... for the kids you are barely allowed to see Agreed. But I know the answer you'll get when you say that. People seem ALL TOO EAGER to point out that child support and child visitation are TWO DIFFERENT ISSUES. I always ask why. I didn't agree to that. Some stranger in a black robe decided that. If the policy is tilted one direction, why can't it be tilted the other? Divorce, after all, is a creature of the State. Child support and child visitation are ther…
/r/Divorce_Men16/09/23 02:45 PM
14

Ah, I see you've met my oldest daughter. I got to watch her graduate from high school... on YouTube. A real bonding moment between us.
/r/Divorce_Men16/09/23 02:40 PM
6

I commented on that post. I said there's a financial incentive in Family Court to get rid of dad. I was downvoted.
/r/Divorce_Men16/09/23 02:39 PM
30

I'm starting to have guilt Sir, in all seriousness, with all due respect, grow a pair. Sexuality is a gift from God. There is no reward for rubbing one out when there's an attractive willing partner ready to go. Hell, most of us don't get another attractive willing partner, at least not with a ton of baggage. There is still red blood pumping through your heart, isn't there? Look at it this way, when you die, you'll be dead for a REALLY LONG TIME. Strike while the iron is hot. You're alive and yo…
/r/Divorce_Men15/09/23 11:59 PM
2

As far as things like bank statements and credit card statements, I submitted PDFs to my lawyer. Your bank sould output them. They're easy to skim and you can search within them for a keyword. If you do this, consider two things: First, password-protect the PDFs. Even if it's just a simple password such as your last name. I realize that's not very secure. But my fear was that my lawyer or her bimbo assistant would just willy-nilly forward everything to the opposing lawyer without looking at it. …
/r/Divorce_Men15/09/23 11:52 PM
3

24 year old gymnast Ever see the 1989 film War of The Roses? It's about a very bitter divorce, so it's fun to watch in any case. Danny DeVito plays a divorce lawyer. Kathleen Turner plays the wife. There's a scene in which Turner is flirting with DeVito and offers to sleep with him for legal favors. He's very tempted, but he ultimately refuses. Later, DeVito's is regretting his decision and discovers that Turner had been a gymnast in college and was still very flexible. DeVito's face drops! Grea…
/r/Divorce_Men15/09/23 12:15 PM
2

Old Dude here. When I was young and dating, politics wasn't as divisive as it is now. I always leaned conservative. My women generally did, too, but you have to expect SOME liberal streaks in young women. As long as they believed in basic traditional law and order, and you could reason with them, and they were capable of linear thinking, and they could appreciate both sides of an argument without emotion, that was good enough. In fact, that's still my criteria. They don't need to be MAGA Republi…
/r/Divorce_Men15/09/23 12:09 PM
6

Funny coincidence to see this comment today. I lurk over on the 2X subreddit (it's my guilty pleasure; but women tell the truth there which makes it interesting). Anyway, one of the top comments there this morning was from a very confused young woman who complained that her high-libido husband had a sense of 'entitlement' to sex. She talked about him as if they were still dating, and that keeping him happy sexually was NOT her problem at all. Of course, no reasonable man thinks he's "entitled" t…
/r/Divorce_Men15/09/23 12:01 PM
0

it can protect a spouse who sacrificed their career Typical Feminist talking point. I never believed it. I love it when they talk about sacrificing their "career". Okay, we're talking about women who were working at Starbucks or doing retail part-time when they got pregnant. It's not like she was about to be appointed Director of Operations at Citibank or something like that. What career? And staying home to raise kids is the job that 99% of women prefer. "I want to work 60 hours a week to pay a…
/r/Divorce_Men14/09/23 01:38 PM
1

I will not encourage daughter to get married Yeah, one day long ago, I was feeling a little angry and cheeky. And I commented on some other subreddit that I would never encourage my son to marry. My daughter, however, I would absolutely encourage her to marry some bright young NERDY electrical engineer, a virgin if possible so his commitment will be deep from the start. And she should do everything possible to encourage him to excel at a good career. Be a great wife and put up with him for 10 ye…
/r/Divorce_Men14/09/23 01:30 PM
2

Not a very thoughtful answer. Happiness is not the only metric. Who is the happiest man in the world? Some homeless guy strung out on narcotics all day. He's happy as fuck, blitzed-out-of-his-mind happy, not a care in the world. He's a lot happier than any of us, to be sure. But I wouldn't recommend it.
/r/Divorce_Men14/09/23 01:24 PM
-5

Looking for some new interests... without braking the law Um, learn how to spell "breaking"?
/r/Divorce_Men14/09/23 01:11 AM
2

What father? Didn't see him much after my parents got divorced.
/r/Divorce_Men14/09/23 01:09 AM
1

What's your income? Your post was kinda confusing in that regard. You said you "called it quits". Are you retired and just living on rental incomes? In theory, alimony should approximately be some percentage of your income. I said, "in theory"; the laws vary from state and state, and ultimately, the judge can deviate from the guidelines. Umm, if she's living rent-free in a house she has no right to, then, yeah, why not live there? Or rent it out? You have a lot of debts and incomes going in and …
/r/Divorce_Men13/09/23 02:44 PM
1

Check out ‘divorce corp’ http://190.97.166.131/DivorceCorp.m4v
/r/Divorce_Men13/09/23 02:33 PM
5

I would never object to Child Support because my child means everything to me BTW, I see how you're trying to pre-empt any criticism. I get it. Men who want to reduce their CS obligation are seen as selfish, child-hating assholes. But, if you don't mind me saying, your logic isn't very sound. I have an emotional attachment to my own children, but I'll gladly stand up and yell that the Child Support system is corrupt, mismanaged, unfair, and stupid. Loving your kids and loving the Child Support s…
/r/Divorce_Men13/09/23 02:24 PM
5

I'm no lawyer. But I can read and reason and do research. Years ago, I found a website that listed some Constitutional concerns about Family Court. There's a lot to be said about the 13th Amendment here, especially for high-income earners who want to lower their income. Example scenario: A married man earns $300k, but has to work 70+ hours a week in a VERY stressful job. It's burning him out, causing health issues, and he realizes he's missing time with his kids. He wants to cut back. Not to zer…
/r/Divorce_Men13/09/23 02:14 PM
3

"LOL"? Brilliant contribution.
/r/Divorce_Men13/09/23 01:58 PM
3

Young man, I only skimmed your wall of text. No disrespect, but all these little details don't matter much, and soon, won't matter at all. All I could see in your post is that you're 22 and have no kids. YOU'RE SO DAMN YOUNG. You're talking to plenty of men who wasted 10 or 20 years in a bad marriage, and now they're balls-deep in a house, career, mortgage, raising kids, savings, investments -- and now all of that shit has to be untangled in Family Court, an expensive misery. You're so damn youn…
/r/Divorce_Men13/09/23 01:51 PM
1

Ever considered 'professional' solutions? Totally not kidding. Maybe just a nice massage to start with.
/r/Divorce_Men12/09/23 03:28 PM
-2

Alot isn't a word.
/r/Divorce_Men12/09/23 03:27 PM
-1

Why do you get upvoted for correcting that? The other day on this sub, I corrected an OP who couldn't spell "who's", and I got downvoted.
/r/Divorce_Men12/09/23 03:27 PM
4

Karma. Plus, most people aren't that stupid. Most people can see what's happening. But, mostly karma. When people like that fall, they usually fall hard. The same woman wants her ex to continue to make the high income ... also let the world know that the ex is also a scary monster to look out for Yes, spot-on. The flaws in her "reality" were so brazenly obvious in court that it became comical. According to her, I'm a violent, untrustworthy, unstable, mentally ill arsonist -- who can earn $200k a…
/r/Divorce_Men11/09/23 03:32 PM
2

I'm thinking of getting a POD myself filling it with her stuff and sending it to her current residence, writing not at this address on all her mail, and changing the locks If it were me, I wouldn't bother asking the court to set a date to have her move her things. The court probably can't be bothered. It's more like a domestic dispute. I'm no lawyer, but I'm guessing that's more of a civil matter and not for a family court judge to decide. I'm not even sure the judge would have the authority (un…
/r/Divorce_Men11/09/23 03:21 PM
1

I appreciate the post. I hope it helps someone. But I have to make two comments: 1) Just yesterday, I made this comment in another thread. My ex had an unethical lawyer who promised her EVERYTHING. The lawyer just wanted to litigate to get the most billable hours. What they were asking for was totally unreasonable. When I asked to settle and compromise and negotiate, my ex would confidently say, "I'll get everything at trial. Why should I negotiate?" To say, "You get what you negotiate" isn't al…
/r/Divorce_Men11/09/23 02:58 PM
3

A good lawyer won't just sugarcoat things Well, shit, this little bit should be upvoted to the top. But it really needs to be seen by women, too. One of the issues in my divorce is that my ex's lawyer promised her EVERYTHING. She was promised full custody, full alimony, full child support, full control, all the money, all the everything. So when I insisted that we sit down to talk, to settle, to compromise, to negotiate.... her lawyer would tell her to say 'no' because she promised she would win…
/r/Divorce_Men10/09/23 08:03 PM
3

I've had a somewhat-expensive lawyer give me a free 15-minute consult. I wouldn't expect a full hour. Also, the conversation started out with HIS questions about ME; e.g.: What's my occupation and salary? How much savings do I have? Do I own the house? Clearly, he wants to know how much money he has to play with. It was clearly his biggest concern. This is NOT the time to be boastful. If you tell him you have a million dollars in your 401k, by the end of the call, he'll be on the Audi website, w…
/r/Divorce_Men10/09/23 07:49 PM
1

Bringing the kids with you sounds like a giant problem. Even for yourself, you'll need residency and work visa. Do you know how easy it is to get them? Especially now? A lot of men overlook this issue. They think, "I have a US passport; it's accepted everywhere." Sure, it's accepted everywhere if you're a tourist planning on staying for a month or two. But getting permission to stay forever and work is a big can of worms.
/r/Divorce_Men10/09/23 01:00 PM
1

This is my second reply. I wanted to comment on some other Redditor's comment: it's the idea that you need to prove you were living somewhere else. You should look up the laws in your state to see if it provides guidelines for the legal definition of 'separated'. Example: in my state, I could be in the same house as my wife (obviously, I might need to pick up some personal items or just stop by and say hello). But I couldn't spend the night. The law even got specific about actually sleeping toge…
/r/Divorce_Men10/09/23 12:55 PM
1

you are required to submit documents as proof Well, your mileage will vary with that idea. I was never asked to submit anything. Besides, nothing can disprove that I was sleeping at a friend's house.
/r/Divorce_Men10/09/23 12:48 PM
2

we’ve thought about saying we’ve already been apart a year but in truth just barely separated You're both committing perjury. Full stop. However, as everyone else has pointed out, the court won't care enough to research the truth. However, suppose, hypothetically, you get to the end of your divorce, and your ex-wife is unhappy with the outcome. Perhaps she expected a more generous package of cash and prizes. She could, at any time in the future, file some motion to set aside the entire divorce b…
/r/Divorce_Men10/09/23 12:46 PM
1

http://190.97.166.131/fire.pdf But this one is a bit dated. It's obviously dated when you get to the chapters about technology. And there's little mention of social media. But Chapters 3, 4, 5, 6 and 9 are still valid. And the whole document is a quick read and has some good basic info.
/r/Divorce_Men08/09/23 11:12 AM
1

Mark Twain gets it right again: "The difference between a man and a dog is that a homeless dog won't bite you if you feed him." Apropos after a divorce.
/r/Divorce_Men08/09/23 11:08 AM
1

How does one "believe in" a wall? This isn't like believing in UFOs. OP used 'wall' to mean an emotional barrier. That's extremely common in human relationships. What is there to "believe in" or not?
/r/Divorce_Men08/09/23 11:07 AM
-4

Whose responsible? Who's responsible...
/r/Divorce_Men08/09/23 11:03 AM
2

I have no clue why more states aren't like Texas Maybe politics? Serious answer. Or, at least, a serious guess. It's not meant to start a political fight. I think both Republicans and Democrats together share lots and lots of blame for the Family Court disaster in the United States. But if you look at the WORST states for alimony -- New York, California, Massachusetts -- they all have a solid tilt to the political left. Northern Virginia courts, another example. And Florida and Texas, the opposi…
/r/Divorce_Men08/09/23 10:57 AM
1

Wow. For once, a truthful post about Texas. Hallelujah. One of the persistent myths on this subreddit is that THERE IS NO ALIMONY IN TEXAS. I swear, I see that idea pop-up at least twice a month. Even people in Texas believe it. While it's true that Texas is not nearly as generous to women as other states, the truth is just one Google search away: alimony exists in Texas. Yet, the myth keeps popping up.
/r/Divorce_Men08/09/23 10:48 AM
2

I hear you. Years ago, I discovered the wonderful healing powers of forgiveness. Briefly, it's more than just saying "I forgive you" to someone. I heard a lecture that described how some people hold on to injuries for years, buried deep. It takes time, strength, courage, introspection and a deep willingness to truly forgive those who have hurt us in life. Even though my father had been dead for years, I went thru the process of forgiving him. It was painful and cleansing. It wasn't for his benef…
/r/Divorce_Men07/09/23 02:53 PM
0

My ex wife is ... constantly ... trying to start arguments If you're still talking to her, I don't think you're quite at the top level of not giving a shit.
/r/Divorce_Men07/09/23 02:44 PM
3

I have to pay spousal support to my wife who ... refused to ... work for the last 15 years Yes, this is a hard truth for some men to discover: If you get sick of financially supporting a boat anchor, divorce will not set you free. You continue to support. The responsible person is punished. The lazy are rewarded. But it even gets "worse" (depending on your perspective). When I met my ex, she had a good job and earned almost as much as me. After marriage, her career bloomed and soon, she was maki…
/r/Divorce_Men07/09/23 02:39 PM
4

I could never pay. Need to be desired. I hear you. But some girls are more 'intimate' than others; they can make the experience more personal. "But it's all fake" you might say. Yeah, well, so is marriage. Or, at least, it can be.
/r/Divorce_Men06/09/23 06:15 PM
2

Knew a guy who knew a guy who did the math… sooo much cheaper to rent The math isn't hard to do. One of my favorite YouTubers as well as the Book of Numbers look carefully at the numbers. It's humorous when there's a high-profile divorce and the wife walks away with many millions (or even billions), and you start to calculate how much each sexual encounter costs. Like, Jeff Bezos, for example. Sure, he was married for 20 years. He might have gotten laid 2000 times (if he's lucky). But he had a p…
/r/Divorce_Men06/09/23 06:12 PM
2

Free sex is most expensive kind of sex. "I can't afford you." "I'm not a hooker!" "Then I REALLY can't afford you."
/r/Divorce_Men06/09/23 06:01 PM
1

You really like that word 'exploitive'. I'm guessing that you've never been divorced and never had a job. The world is a cruel place to everyone.
/r/Divorce_Men06/09/23 05:59 PM
2

i got money, a makeover and mussels I, too, enjoy eating molluscs. I prefer clams but sometimes a nice bucket of mussels, chips and a beer really hits the spot.
/r/Divorce_Men06/09/23 05:56 PM
3

how did it go? I got to watch my daughter graduate from high school .... on YouTube. So, not so great.
/r/Divorce_Men05/09/23 06:03 PM
1

The divorce process is basically the equivalent of a physical fight Here's a rhetorical question I've asked before on this sub. I think it's a subject worth discussing. What does "fight" mean to you? You hear this word all the time in divorces. Sometimes a passionate mother will insist that she'll fight tooth-and-nail for her kids. Or a man will fight against alimony or fight for 50/50 custody. It's a great word to throw around. But I have to ask the fighters: Would you commit perjury to fight? …
/r/Divorce_Men05/09/23 06:00 PM
3

I’m familiar with the process required if I’m unable to contact or locate my spouse. I’m aware of the steps and what must be filed. If you already know the answer, what's your question? File and get a court date. If she doesn't show, then it's on her. She’s a narc Oh My God. Well, that certainly puts you in a unique position.
/r/Divorce_Men05/09/23 05:51 PM
3

I never understood the "they're accustomed to it" argument. I bet Kevin was accustomed to having his cock sucked by his wife.
/r/Divorce_Men03/09/23 09:42 PM
1

True, but it's not nearly as formula-driven as many people think. To come up with a number, you first need to pin-down KC's annual income. I would guess that it fluctuates a lot and there's no guarantee he'll star in a hit movie in 2024 or 2025 and so on. So, his ex's lawyer could stipulate that his income should be set to a fixed number, like $5MM a year (or whatever). Or, she could be a total cunt and argue that his income should be set MUCH HIGHER for technical reasons. In fact, just establis…
/r/Divorce_Men03/09/23 09:38 PM
5

This question comes up so often, the mods should pin it to the sidebar. Other men will have their own ideas. For me, I wish I'd researched the lawyers more. E.g.: if possible, look up other cases they've argued and won (or lost) -- and which judges were presiding. It's probably too early now to know who your judge will be. But for me, the relationship between the judge and the two lawyers was important, and I didn't know that until much later. In some counties, you can go online and research thi…
/r/Divorce_Men03/09/23 03:12 PM
-1

Kinda funny seeing this. Unpopular opinion (maybe): single men with cats are more likely to be gay. Nothing wrong with that. Just an observation. I know correlation doesn't equal causation (or whatever), but every single gay man I've known has a cat and is devoted to it. I don't know many single straight men with cats. Sure, once they get a wife, there's a cat in the house. But not when they're single.
/r/Divorce_Men03/09/23 03:04 PM
4

Well, you already have the right idea. Grey rock. But a lot of people are confused by this. They think Grey Rock means No Contact. But Grey Rock just means you only speak concisely about relevant matters without blame or emotion. Just cold simple facts. But, now that you have filed, consider going No Contact as much as you can. As the saying goes, anything you say can be used against you. If, for example, you talk a little too much about your lawyer or legal strategy, or your plans for after div…
/r/Divorce_Men03/09/23 02:59 PM
-1

I get the feeling you didn't read his post at all. You're welcome.
/r/Divorce_Men02/09/23 01:30 AM
1

the best in town Famous Last Words. I hope so. I mean, I really hope you're right. As for me, over a period of a few years, I had advice from an expensive White Shoe firm and also from something resembling "Better Call Saul" in a cheap office in an old strip mall. The strip mall guy gave me better advice. You never know. The White Shoe guy was under intense pressure to create billable hours.
/r/Divorce_Men02/09/23 01:28 AM
8

Men deserve to know the truth. Women know for sure. Why can't we?
/r/Divorce_Men02/09/23 01:24 AM
2

If you go to the websites of testing sites, they suggest things like used dental floss and used chewing gum. Obviously, you have to handle any evidence carefully. I looked into this, too. I thought I needed blood. I would double-check, but I think used dental floss was the most preferred way of obtaining DNA surreptitiously.
/r/Divorce_Men02/09/23 01:22 AM
2

My ex was always bad at math. But some of it was simply laziness, like never bothering to add things up. For a while, I'd send multiple checks, written in random amounts like $315.37 and $0.99 and $51.11 and so on. They would add up to the correct amount. I was just being an asshole.
/r/Divorce_Men02/09/23 01:07 AM
1

Hold up. It sounds like you're asking for our blessing to get married when you already know, with near-certainty, that it's a toxic relationship doomed to fail. That's what it sounds like to me. Given what you've said here, I think marriage is a HORRIBLE idea, even with a pre-nup and whatever else on your side. Some judges might look at a married father differently than a single father. But I don't think the law can treat you differently. That's probably a question for a lawyer. But your plan is…
/r/Divorce_Men26/08/23 06:06 PM
1

Every single person with a beating heart in their chest is a narcissist. There's no need to add that qualifier to your question.
/r/Divorce_Men26/08/23 05:39 PM
0

But I was raised by my mother and two sisters. They taught me how to treat a woman. emphasis mine I thought this was sarcasm at first. But as read on, I realized you were being serious. You were serious about that? I think single moms usually do a HORRIBLE job raising young men. That's not to say they don't have love in their hearts, and good will and compassion. Plenty of moms have all of that and more. But there's a basic fundamental skill they'll never have when it comes to raising young men.…
/r/Divorce_Men25/08/23 05:33 PM
1

A lot depends on the court. On the day of my first hearing, it was set for 3:30 PM. After an hour, we barely made it through the formalities and preliminaries, and boom, it's 4:30, and court is over. We barely covered any ground. When the judge asked the clerk for the next opening, it was three months down the road. THREE MONTHS! I was shocked. But that was just the start. I can't remember how many hearings we had. But one was scheduled to start at noon. I paid my lawyer for the day. I had all m…
/r/Divorce_Men24/08/23 11:19 PM
2

Hold up. You're a lawyer and you can't even scrape together a couple hundred bucks in cash? Seriously? Could you sell something online, or to a friend, and collect cash?
/r/Divorce_Men24/08/23 11:11 PM
2

Are these tests accurate enough to differentiate between you and your brother? Certainly. One of the controversies about those DNA services is that they share the results with the FBI. Sometimes, the FBI is seeking an unknown person, but they have some DNA. The testing can conclude, "Person X is a cousin to Person Y" (or brother, or son, or whatever). The more distant the relationship, the less reliable it is. But, the point is, the FBI has caught people because their brother or their nephew got…
/r/Divorce_Men24/08/23 11:06 PM
0

had a 3 year affair with my brother Well, damn, there's a ruined Thanksgiving. Sorry, OP, I really am. At least your mother still has the same grandkids (sorry, had to be said). I still want to raise her as my own So what's the point, then? I have been in your shoes (at least as far as wondering about paternity). If I turned out not to be the father, I doubt I could keep it a secret. So, I have to ask, what's the point? BTW, my plan was gather DNA from discarded dental floss or chewing gum, so t…
/r/Divorce_Men24/08/23 11:01 PM
1

Should of eaten the bullet Should HAVE eaten the bullet.
/r/Divorce_Men24/08/23 03:52 PM
4

But what if mom is the registering parent? I'm not the man in the video, but the same thing happened to me. Mom was the "registering parent" and the school refused to allow me any access.
/r/Divorce_Men24/08/23 03:38 PM
9

She was a bit of a pack-rat, not as bad as a hoarder. At least, nothing like the cable TV show Hoarders. It grew little-by-little, so I didn't notice it at first. Years later, I was watching some old home movies shot with a video camera. And Wow!, I was shocked to see our bedroom. Piles of magazines, unopened mail, assorted junk, Amazon boxes, all stacked up on all horizontal spaces. Any open horizontal space (desktop, table top, top of a dresser, floors along the wall, top of ANYTHING) had pile…
/r/Divorce_Men23/08/23 08:51 PM
3

I, for one, would give her a pass. And here's why: Because so often, the gender roles are reversed and men unfairly get shit for it. Let me explain. Marriage is never 50/50 in every single aspect. Very typically, one spouse earns more, but also spends more time away from home. Another spouse spends more time with the kids, cleaning the house, and so on. It's a balancing act. It's a complex, intertwined Ying and Yang thing, each spouse has their own needs/wants/priorities, and somehow, in happy m…
/r/Divorce_Men23/08/23 01:03 PM
5

Be aware there's another angle to this. Half of whatever your DIL put in the 401k during the marriage belongs to your son. If you want to play dirty, you can have a lawyer write to her 401k provider and tell them the funds are in dispute under current litigation and to freeze the account. The provider may or may not comply. But it could be a roadblock to your DIL.... again... if you wanted to play dirty.
/r/Divorce_Men23/08/23 05:13 AM
1

I'm with /u/life-is-short- in that her 401k is hers to do whatever she wants with it. Short story: The only thing I would be careful about is the tax liability. Be sure half of it does not fall on your son. Long story: If you're not yet 60, the IRS treats 401k withdraws as normal income and taxes it. Furthermore, to discourage people from making early withdraws, they add on another 10% penalty. So, depending on their tax status, she can get really walloped, maybe as much as 50%. The tax isn't du…
/r/Divorce_Men23/08/23 05:06 AM
2

Most people have forgotten this, but the actor Alec Baldwin went through a horrible divorce 20 years ago. He even wrote a book about it. Even a celebrity with large resources for lawyers can get drawn into The Shit. If you're the type of person that likes to slow down and look at the bodies at a car accident scene, this book could be for you. He has lots of interesting observations. One of them that struck me: When someone is sick, our society usually offers some means of care. The sick individu…
/r/Divorce_Men22/08/23 06:06 PM
2

I think it depends on how much damage she caused, and how much damage continues to be caused. If you were married for, let's say for example, four years, and you divorce with no kids, I suspect after the dust settles, you could be civil with each other. And "dust settles" means having to pay her some money, but not life-changing money, maybe a few thousand. (And BTW, I've seen men on this sub complain they have to pay their ex $2k; meanwhile some pay $2k per month!) As for me, I'll choke that bi…
/r/Divorce_Men22/08/23 05:58 PM
1

I'm pretty sure my ex has NPD because she is behaving oddly Oh, c'mon, OP, don't start that nonsense here. It's bad enough when women do it. Every divorced woman out there was married to a "narcissist". The word has lost all meaning, and now, it's just a general insult. Or, are you a Ph.D in psychology and you actually managed to diagnose your spouse with a major mental health disorder based SOLELY on the fact that you find yourself in the UNIQUE POSITION of being married to someone who is "beha…
/r/Divorce_Men21/08/23 04:45 AM
2

There's a video you should see. Link below. It provides plenty of the info you're seeking. Years ago, the conservative thinktank PragerU made a video that highlights the benefits of marriage for men. Perhaps it's still on YouTube; you'll have to go look. But why I remember it is because the MGTOW podcaster Turd Flinging Monkey (TFM) did a reply video in which he shows clips of the original, then pauses to offer a counterargument. TFM is still on YouTube, but unfortunately, most of his controvers…
/r/Divorce_Men20/08/23 05:16 PM
-2

there are ALOT of divorced women Alot isn't a word. I can impart that lesson.
/r/Divorce_Men20/08/23 04:59 PM
30

At least your son is 18 and the girl will age-out soon. Unless you're in one of those crazy states that extends child support to 23, count your blessings. You see men on here sometimes just start STARTING to pay on two or three kids, and they're all still very young. And BTW, my concern isn't how a parent can escape responsibility; it's about being under the thumb of the courts. Like most dads, I would eagerly volunteer to support my children, without a court order. But having the money stripped…
/r/Divorce_Men20/08/23 04:55 PM
1

Do you mean a Guardian Ad Litem (GAL)? That's a lawyer who's SUPPOSED to represent the interests of the children when there is a dispute over custody or visitation. If that's the case, your mileage will definitely vary. Not all GALs truly have the kids' best interest at heart. Is there something else? Does the kid have any special needs? Or accused of a crime? That would be different than a GAL.
/r/Divorce_Men19/08/23 06:26 PM
3

Yeah, I'm the same with u/jaclan2130 -- this is an old video, but it really opened my eyes. The dad's name is Caleb Leverett. For a while, he used the hashtag #NotoriousDad. He was posting videos about his divorce and getting very few hits. Then, one day, he posted the featured video where his son refused to get out of his truck. THAT video quickly had tens of millions of views and really popularized his YouTube channel. He still makes videos, even today. Some online rag even did an update on hi…
/r/Divorce_Men19/08/23 06:19 PM
2

Then dig two graves.
/r/Divorce_Men18/08/23 06:57 PM
2

You should certainly keep fighting now because the court's decision is recent. Perhaps file a Motion to Reconsider and try to bring some new evidence. But the clock is ticking on your chance to have a reconsideration. However -- and I hate to ruin your weekend, brother -- you need to be prepared for the worst-case scenario. And that is: The kids are gone. First, the mom will make up some excuse why they can't visit on "your" weekend. Or they need to be dropped-off late, or picked-up early. She'l…
/r/Divorce_Men18/08/23 06:54 PM
2

Showing me the numbers won't change anything. You need to go back to court. If the modification was recent, perhaps you can file a Motion To Reconsider or a Motion Amending a Judgment (but file that motion soon; the clock is ticking). You need to organize all of your papers, court orders, divorce decrees, pay stubs and so on, and create a package that's clear and concise and easy to understand. Show the judge what you're telling us. If you can't afford to have a lawyer represent you, many lawyer…
/r/Divorce_Men17/08/23 03:23 PM
3

Shouldn't the title be "How to have FEWER divorces"? "Less divorces" just sounds funny. Why don't you have shared custody? Maybe that could reduce your child support. I think divorce rates are going down. But marriage rates are going down, too, so it takes some skill to separate the data and figure out what's really going on. What is puzzling, however, is how the amount of wealth being transferred through Family Court is consistently going up. If fewer people are getting married, there will be, …
/r/Divorce_Men17/08/23 05:57 AM
3

Hold up. Now you're saying you have two separate orders? Is it possible the judge in the most recent case was unaware of the other order? Your numbers are all over the place. If your gross is $2718 a month, that's $15.68 an hour (if it's a full-time regular job), not $18. That's fine; that's not the problem. But when I add up your numbers, I get $1743 w/o the arrears. And if they've charged you the full arrearage, it will be gone next month, so that's not an ongoing liability. But something stil…
/r/Divorce_Men17/08/23 05:47 AM
6

First, sorry to ding you on your writing. But it really helps if you don't put your entire situation into one long run-on sentence. Next, something doesn't add up. You claim you're making $18 an hour? This is a regular full-time job? Then you should gross 3120 a month by my math. If you were paying $900 a month, that's about 29% of your gross pay, and that sounds reasonable. Not fair, but in the context of Family Court, that's reasonable. OK, so your ex filed for a modification. On what grounds?…
/r/Divorce_Men16/08/23 08:25 PM
0

If you're focused on the first touch, maybe you could rent one for the hour just to get it out of your system. The first woman I had after my marriage was a 19-year old from Spain. I was in my early 40s at the time and traveling in Europe. She had a perfect body and the face of an angel. I was nervous as Hell, like back in high school, with shakes and butterflies. But I quickly relaxed and enjoyed the time. It's hard to replace true intimacy. In fact, most girls you rent by hour will be cold and…
/r/Divorce_Men15/08/23 01:27 PM
2

Hey man, I recognize your username. I remember reading your posts from a few months ago. I think we even chatted via the comments. Our divorces had some similarities. Happy to see you're still around. So, what's the story now? Do you still have custody? Does your own family at least support you? But, yeah, it's a tough situation when EVERYONE thinks YOU'RE the problem, and no one can see the problems she generates. Are you still in comms with the mom? What about going no-contact, except through …
/r/Divorce_Men14/08/23 01:20 PM
4

just blowing money on nonsense My ex-wife and our local FedEx driver were on a first-name basis.
/r/Divorce_Men14/08/23 01:12 PM
2

If you go over to the subreddits for servers and waiters, they have lots of stories about restaurant patrons INSISTING on gluten-free everything. Well, this was more likely a few years ago when the gluten-free craze was in top gear. Anyway, despite allergy claims, the servers would later spot these very same people stealing bites from plates that contained 'regular' food. Same with salt-free and sugar-free food eaters. Yeah, lots of women convinced themselves they were allergic -- when it was tr…
/r/Divorce_Men14/08/23 01:10 PM
2

Wow, sounds familiar. I remember the "gluten-free" phase. Thankfully, it didn't last long. But I think for her, the turn-off was more about the taste than the cost. But yeah, driving all over to these bizarro vegan stores to find some expensive, special gluten-free flour, or whatever.
/r/Divorce_Men14/08/23 01:07 PM
2

the lights she’s not leaving on OP, I know exactly what you're talking about. I have a million complaints, but most are too insignificant to matter. But they add up. Some people are just plain financially irresponsible, men included. But, anyway, in this case, I do relate and sympathize. She would ALWAYS leave the lights on. At one point, I started buying motion-activated lights that would time-out. But, of course, she hated them. Came home one hot, humid day to find her out on the porch, door w…
/r/Divorce_Men14/08/23 01:00 PM
11

Exactly. Lately, there has been simmering idea out there that we should do away with unilateral no-fault divorce. It's a tricky thing, I admit. (By the way, critics are quick to omit the word "unilateral". All they hear is that we want to make divorce illegal. Naturally, women get this completely wrong. Without the word "unilateral", they think marriage could trap two people together where neither one wants to be together. And women then assume a violently abusive husband could trap his wife for…
/r/Divorce_Men13/08/23 08:55 PM
6

I can find someone better than you "I've been raped by better men than you." --my ex
/r/Divorce_Men13/08/23 08:41 PM
15

i deserve someone better I lurk over on women's subreddits. It's my guilty pleasure; it's my junk food. But it's always interesting to see them reveal how they REALLY feel about men and marriage and divorce. Something very predictable: If a wife says she's unhappy, legions of strangers will assure her, "You deserve better". (I always wonder, "How do you know? Maybe OP is an insufferable bitch?") It's the predictability of certain words that's most amusing. "Deserve" and "entitled" are pretty muc…
/r/Divorce_Men13/08/23 08:40 PM
3

I swear I haven't even clicked the link yet. I know exactly who you're talking about: Kyra Franchetti. For those who aren't familiar: Look up Kyra's Law. In a nutshell, little girl in the middle of a bitter custody dispute murdered by her piece of shit dad who then killed himself. The mom gets a new law passed that basically says, "If dad is ever in a bad mood, he's probably violent and going to kill the kid, so better to take away his rights ahead of time." OP is exactly right: Get people to fo…
/r/Divorce_Men12/08/23 02:28 AM
1

the upsetting emails they send us Who is "they"? If they're communications from the court or her lawyer, you need to read them soon. But if your ex is writing personal e-mails that upset you, consider blocking her. And tell her she's blocked, and needs to go through her lawyer to talk to your lawyer. It's an added expense, but the volume of e-mail will go WAY DOWN and be more professional. But the biggest piece of advice I can give after receiving upsetting e-mail is to RESPOND IMMEDIATELY WHILE…
/r/Divorce_Men11/08/23 07:51 PM
5

Also clearly, you said "no alimony". Do we need a debate over the meaning of the word "no"? Do you always make beeping sounds like that when you back up?
/r/Divorce_Men10/08/23 10:14 PM
7

Yeah, I was kinda wondering how you apply "short-term call options" to a retirement account. No retirement provider would allow that. I'm reminded of the "pork belly futures" in early 1980s movies (very high-risk instruments that could earn -- or lose -- millions in one day). Plus, every brokerage reports transactions to the IRS. I'm assuming his wife's lawyer gets to see his tax returns. Something doesn't add up here.
/r/Divorce_Men10/08/23 07:12 PM
1

Women love anything with the word "abuse" in it. When I was a kid, "abuse" meant physical hitting. Now, it's simply hurting her feelings and anything else she doesn't like. My ex was so hung-up on "abuse" claims, I eventually joked that she should flee to a battered women's shelter because of the way I "abusively" licked envelopes. You kinda hit the nail on the head in another comment, OP. You're most likely having a no-fault divorce. Who's to blame is right there in the name: no one is at fault…
/r/Divorce_Men10/08/23 07:04 PM
3

Texas (no alimony) I knew this would come up. This bizarre myth won't ever die. Of course there's spousal support in Texas. Albeit, Texas is not nearly as generous compared to other states. Texas expects women to quickly become self-sufficient after a divorce. But of course it exists for some marriages; the truth is just one Google search away.
/r/Divorce_Men10/08/23 06:56 PM
2

I'm no lawyer, but wouldn't this just be plain old perjury? The laws vary from state to state, but I'm quite sure there's a law in every state that says EVERYTHING you submit to a court has to be truthful to the best of your knowledge. And if a lawyer is representing the parent, the lawyer is bound by law to only submit evidence that's grounded in reality. The real problem, if you ask me, is how Family Court judges deal with perjury. In Family Court, everyone is expected to lie. At a minimum, th…
/r/Divorce_Men10/08/23 12:28 AM
1

SORRY for the wall of text, but I'm triggered. Oh, man, I feel like I could write a book about this. And I'm sure I haven't even seen half of the dirty tricks out there. Some stories: For my initial divorce, both sides traded discovery demands. The demands of both sides seemed boilerplate. Among other things, I was asked to give a list of witnesses and provide copies of all exhibits to be shown in court. Seems standard. Also asked to give basic financial information and living expenses. Discover…
/r/Divorce_Men07/08/23 04:00 PM
3

Daddy why did you give mommy a panic attack? Wow, that's fucked-up.
/r/Divorce_Men07/08/23 12:30 AM
3

I agree, OP. Especially when the woman is young or cute or desirable (and she knows it), men make any excuse to tolerate her behavior. And you're right, it's passed-off as a funny quirk instead of a toxic feature. My ex had a well-earned reputation for becoming "hangry". I honestly hadn't ever heard that word before we met. She would more-or-less laugh it off, like being hungry was a perfectly good excuse to be a rude asshole to me. Sure, let's put that in perspective. If I were a rude asshole t…
/r/Divorce_Men07/08/23 12:23 AM
2

Totally unrelated, I once heard a quote that I liked: Never create a problem the easiest solution to which is your own death. It was a comment in some movie about fucking with the wrong people. But I got the point. And, you know, to be a heartless asshole, I'm reminded of the urban legend about a car company that allows a car with a fatal flaw to be sold because the cost of a recall is more than the cost of paying-out the wrongful death lawsuits. You have to follow whatever decisions make good b…
/r/Divorce_Men05/08/23 12:04 AM
2

OP, this is an interesting question especially because I was just thinking that AI should maybe decide the answer for us. Check out this comment I made on another thread: https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/15hzgnv/you_cant_have_a_successful_relationship_with/jutm5w7/
/r/Divorce_Men04/08/23 11:49 PM
6

Related to OP's conjecture: Maybe it's time to let AI pick our spouses. Hear me out. I don't use any dating apps. But I was always intrigued by eHarmony because of their algorithm. In a nutshell: They did personality profiles on many thousands of married people. They also asked each spouse to rate their marriage. A personality profile is simply answering a hundred questions like "Would you rather do X than Y?" After some number crunching, they developed a neural network model that, given the per…
/r/Divorce_Men04/08/23 10:21 PM
1

my kids mom used her lawyer like a therapist OP, this is all a great reply. But I really appreciated this line. My ex was the same way. She got sucked-in by an expensive lawyer who virtually ADVERTISED herself as a therapist-slash-lawyer. Her clients were ENCOURAGED to call and vent frustrations. After the divorce, my ex's sister confessed to me the lawyer would charge an hour just for answering the phone or reading an e-mail. If you want to get nasty about it, you can "paper them to death"; tha…
/r/Divorce_Men03/08/23 11:09 PM
1

MGTOW can include marriage Yeah, but you're splitting a very thin hair. A healthy marriage can be part of a serial killer's life, too. I mean, it's possible.
/r/Divorce_Men03/08/23 11:00 PM
1

My situation is complicated by religious beliefs “Wow. I throw this poor bastard a bone: a hot, young chick that he can bang for free. And he’s going to overthink it until he drives her away.” – God
/r/Divorce_Men03/08/23 10:56 PM
1

she ... should not have any obligation to support her ex Why? Married more than 10 years. That's a "long term" marriage. The stay-at-home-spouse is accustomed to a certain lifestyle and income. The working spouse (the "monied" spouse -- I always loved that phrase) has an obligation to pay alimony for years. I don't like it when men are on the hook. You don't like it when a woman is on the hook. But that's how it is. When a woman is the beneficiary of alimony, Reddit is quick to point it out, and…
/r/Divorce_Men02/08/23 10:32 PM
2

https://www.google.com/search?q=is+there+alimony+in+texas Plenty of different sources say there's alimony in Texas.
/r/Divorce_Men01/08/23 06:34 PM
1

Yes, Pendente Lite is a big scam. First, once it's ordered, there's suddenly no incentive to speed things along. She can just coast forever on continuances and delays. Second, if you pay it, you've established that you CAN pay it. And if you don't pay it, you're a deadbeat. Damned if you do, damned if you don't. What's worse, at least for me, is that my lawyer kept assuring me I would have the proverbial "second bite at the apple". I thought the Pendente Lite order was too high. But my lawyer ke…
/r/Divorce_Men01/08/23 02:54 PM
4

... women say one thing then ... all of a sudden you were abusive OP, this is spot-on. It's a well-known scam. Watch for it.
/r/Divorce_Men01/08/23 02:47 PM
6

This is probably the biggest myth on this subreddit. Of course there's alimony in Texas. The proof is one Google search away. It's undeniably true. BUT -- what's also true is that Texas is friendly to the ex-husband when it comes to alimony, more than most states. But I'm shocked this myth won't die. Even people in Texas believe it. If it were true, men would flock to Texas to file.
/r/Divorce_Men01/08/23 02:43 PM
1

The other comment is right: you need to have lawyer explain your rights to you right quick, before things settle. Once things settle (e.g.: if she enrolls the kids in some distant school), the court starts to feel compelled to keep things going as they are, and it becomes hard to unwind. So, the sooner you assert your rights, the better. Also, this may or may not be helpful. But when military men are stuck in a crisis, I always advise that they seek out a senior chief or a first sergeant to talk…
/r/Divorce_Men31/07/23 06:54 PM
2

OP, I get it. Divorce sucks all around. People pick sides -- or don't -- and it hurts. I was actually good friends (so I thought) with my FIL and SIL during my marriage. But, they picked sides in the divorce. I can't really blame them. But it sucked. I reached out to the ex-FIL a few years later, but never replied. But then again, it's not like my family wants to be friends with them. Shit, it all sucks.
/r/Divorce_Men31/07/23 06:46 PM
2

They all know each other and pray on family destruction to make their billable hours. Sadly, there's a lot of truth to this.
/r/Divorce_Men31/07/23 06:42 PM
2

Pick one that clearly has their shit together That's actually solid advice. My first lawyer was late to my first hearing. It was an omen.
/r/Divorce_Men31/07/23 06:41 PM
3

If you have the time and resources, consider researching the judge's history. If elected, who contributed to their campaign? Did the judge previously work for a local law firm? If so, who are his former co-workers? I did none of this when I got divorced. Maybe in your city, this won't be an issue. But i quickly learned that in a small city, the legal community is very incestuous. They all know each other, some of them grew up together, or their families are friends. Or some judge will have an ol…
/r/Divorce_Men31/07/23 06:37 PM
4

I've seen chuds show up to court in flip flops ... sweatshirts There's a YouTube channel of old timey judge and his courtroom. He only handles minor civil infractions, nothing serious. But a real old-fashioned judge from another era... the era when men wore suits when they did any business at all outside the house. He's so accustomed to people dressing down and showing up in ratty Walmart clothes, he actually thanks litigants, personally, when they take the time to show up in a shirt and tie. He…
/r/Divorce_Men31/07/23 01:53 AM
2

Well, good luck. But it really sounds like you're saying, "I made a mistake a year ago. Now I want a do-over." Maybe the judge will be sympathetic, but I'd be surprised. I would have thought your only option would be an appellate court.
/r/Divorce_Men29/07/23 06:18 PM
4

Indeed good news. Side track: these bills are always opposed by women and women's groups; they're always supported by dads and men's groups. In society, and elsewhere on Reddit, there's this growing idea that Family Courts really aren't biased against dads after all, despite well-known complaints that have gone on for decades. Lots of Feminists think dads are just absent, whiny, and disinterested -- and -- ARE, ACTUALLY, AWARDED CUSTODY just as much as mom, simply by asking. They call the bias a…
/r/Divorce_Men29/07/23 06:13 PM
0

Yeah, I guess it's good to get a variety of opinions and advice. But for Fuck's Sake, I am so tried of everything being seen through the lens of narcissism. YouTube and social media is filled with lawyers, coaches, and therapists who push narcissism as the big bad Boogeyman, and offer advice. None of these people have a Ph.D in clinical psychology, and worse, they encourage people in distressed marriages to conclude and assume they're dealing with a spouse who has a serious mental health problem…
/r/Divorce_Men28/07/23 08:35 PM
2

Hindsight is 20/20 I said this old expression once to a crusty old Navy chief who'd been through the wringer of divorce. He looked at me squarely and said: "Hindsight is 20/15." Actually, there's a lot of truth in that.
/r/Divorce_Men28/07/23 08:23 PM
3

Was your case ongoing or pending when she switched lawyers? If so, technically, the lawyer must send you and the court a letter telling you they're no longer representing your ex-wife. Maybe this varies from state to state. Maybe it's unenforceable. But that's how it's supposed to work. But, if there was no ongoing, pending case, it probably does not apply. I just saw this line from you in another comment: her finances/financial affidavit was never disclosed to me Why not? That's a big red flag.…
/r/Divorce_Men27/07/23 10:41 PM
11

Came here only to comment on the title of your post... "ONLY" 29 emphasis mine Only 29? Old Dude here. Got married at 31. There are lingering issues and problems and bad feelings from my divorce that will drag on into my old age. There's hardly ever a "clean break", especially once you have kids and ongoing alimony and constant disputes over this and that. You've been married one year? No kids? You're only 29? Jesus Christ, son, the world is your oyster. I'm downright jelly. The next year or so …
/r/Divorce_Men27/07/23 10:21 PM
3

I hope this true at least sometimes, for some people, if not true most of the time. But I just had to comment here and piss on the floor. Judges tend to go with the GAL report recommendations Other way around. GALs are lawyers who need an income; they need billable hours. Once they get to know a particular judge, the GAL will tell him exactly what he wants to hear. Otherwise, the judge won't ever hire them again; the judge won't want to deal with a GAL who makes waves. The GAL has a big incentiv…
/r/Divorce_Men26/07/23 07:19 PM
5

if STBXW’s know they’ll simply be automatically be awarded attorney fees, what’s the incentive for them to settle and negotiate in good faith? This is a subject that needs more visibility. And perhaps judges should address this early in the process, not at the very end. There's a variation of this problem that, in my opinion, really made everything worse for me. And I really think it's unethical and should be illegal. My wife's lawyer was expensive and aggressive. Okay, fine, she's free to hire …
/r/Divorce_Men26/07/23 07:02 PM
-1

she doesn’t deserve ... How do you know what OP's wife deserves? Maybe she's an evil, sexless, insufferable bitch. Maybe she's the kind of woman that would screw him financially in divorce if given the change.
/r/Divorce_Men26/07/23 06:19 AM
1

Exactly. OP is like a lobster taking up an extra parking space.
/r/Divorce_Men26/07/23 06:17 AM
3

Hey man, you're entitled to your opinion. And even I admit that once upon a time, I valued character and ethics. And I'll also admit that I'm now jaded and cynical as Hell. I blame a corrupt Family Court and scumbag lawyers. My ex's lawyer suborned perjury. She tried all kinds of nasty tricks to win. And the judge just sat there and allowed it. I don't say this lightly, believe me. But I've lost faith in the system. If you go to Family Court thinking that bringing righteousness and ethics will b…
/r/Divorce_Men26/07/23 06:16 AM
1

Are you into audio books at all? During my divorce, I did a lot of walking/flying/driving, and accumulated dozens of audio books, all ripped to MP3, ready to install on any device. I know you said not necessarily self-help books, but I have Wayne Dyer's 10 Secrets. Okay, you probably never heard of him, and don't care. And yes, every author, lifecoach, therapist, retired CEO has a list of ten secrets or ten rules or ten commandments or blah-blah-blah whatever.... But I really liked Dr. Dyer's bo…
/r/Divorce_Men24/07/23 11:46 PM
3

Hold up. I just re-read your question. If a lawyer has submitted the motion, they're effectively YOUR lawyer. If you no longer want them, and want to represent yourself (that is, go Pro Se), you might need to officially inform the court. I'd ask. If you appear, and the judge thinks you're represented by a lawyer, only to discover you're not, that might not go over well. So, decided now. Are you Pro Se or not? I would ask the court clerk if it's necessary to inform the court ahead of time. Usuall…
/r/Divorce_Men24/07/23 05:57 PM
5

I'm no lawyer, but I'm going to guess the answer is no. There is a word you sometimes hear: unbundled. If a lawyer offers unbundled services (not all do), it means they'll do work, bit-by-bit, but they don't represent you formally. If you're using unbundled services, you can't ever say, "Talk to my lawyer!" But, really, in my experience, unbundled services consist mostly of speaking to you privately and maybe ghostwriting a few motions. They can't accept service or send motions, and they can't a…
/r/Divorce_Men24/07/23 05:51 PM
6

I honestly don't see myself ever marrying again Way ahead of you. I don't even tell women my real name anymore.
/r/Divorce_Men24/07/23 05:45 PM
9

As bad as my divorce was, there was one emotional Hell I never had to deal with. My ex and I owned several houses together during the marriage. But by the time we divorced, we were simply renting a house. And I didn't have any real attachment to the place. I didn't care about moving. But, sometimes, I hear about men who were living in their "Dream House" or their "Forever House".... some place that was warm and comfortable and perfect. And sometimes men had even done some of the (re-)constructio…
/r/Divorce_Men24/07/23 05:43 PM
3

If she decides to take the kids and move out ... It's not her decision to make. Okay, incoming rant; sorry. Women will talk all day long about the need for equality in society. But when it comes to divorce, it's amazing how quickly they revert back to some old idea that moms are the REAL parents -- and courts do (and should have) an acceptable bias towards moms. Over on some female subreddits, any time a married mom is unhappy, "Take the kids and run", she'll be cheered-on. And it's shocking how…
/r/Divorce_Men23/07/23 11:49 PM
3

Def 1 star on Yelp.
/r/Divorce_Men23/07/23 06:47 AM
7

No one cares unless the dad is the murderer. See Kyra Franchetti.
/r/Divorce_Men23/07/23 06:45 AM
1

One more link: https://www.google.com/search?q=Federal+Rules+of+Evidence+%28Rules+1001-1008%29
/r/Divorce_Men23/07/23 06:40 AM
4

I gotta say... it's a little strange that your primary defense is that you deleted your Gmail and Amazon accounts in the middle of a divorce when you knew they contained relevant information. And also, your wife KNOWS you deleted those accounts. It all sounds a little shady, TBH. In the case of Amazon, I'm sure the company can recover your purchase history, if that's in dispute. It might take a few calls to customer service. But Gmail? That's probably gone forever, but that's just a guess. Okay,…
/r/Divorce_Men23/07/23 06:31 AM
1

Added: When you start the divorce, you both need to exchange financial documents. Typically, each party is asked about their expenses. I just thought of this: She'll probably "sneak" in the expenses of the adult child. Really scrutinize her claimed expenses, like rent, utilities, food, insurance, gas, etc. I realize it's your son. But he can go out and get a job. Suppose it wasn't your son. Suppose your wife had some oddball roommate, like an old friend living with her. You're clearly not respon…
/r/Divorce_Men22/07/23 08:07 PM
1

Court has imputed her income at $4,000/month. That's more than $23 an hour for a full-time job. Dude! I would be grateful for that piece of information alone! That's going to help a lot. Plenty of men pay CS and/or alimony based on their ex having an imputed income of minimum fucking wage. In some states, that's like $7.50 an hour. Clearly, your ex is operating with bad information. Either her divorced friends are encouraging her and giving her false hope, or she has a scumbag lawyer who's promi…
/r/Divorce_Men22/07/23 08:01 PM
4

I see you have met my wife What's really frightening sometimes about this subreddit is how much we have in common. Sometimes, men have quoted their wives as saying -- literally verbatim -- the same lines I've heard. I swear there must be a playbook out there somewhere.
/r/Divorce_Men22/07/23 07:44 PM
2

I think you're trying to troll. But in all seriousness, have you ever seen this cartoon? There's a lot of truth in it. When you're in the middle of The Shit, sometimes all you can do is deal with what's immediately in front of you. There's no time to back-up and look around.
/r/Divorce_Men22/07/23 07:41 PM
1

she is convinced all her issues are due to undiagnosed autism or ADHD, and is constantly finding examples on why it is that way for her. But she can’t get a diagnosis Wow. Sounds all too familiar. I used to joke that my ex would keep Googling what she thought were "symptoms" until she found what she was looking for, even if it took 10 pages of Google results. She could never get psychology Ph.Ds to agree with her (believe me, she tried). But she was CERTAIN she knew what she was talking about an…
/r/Divorce_Men22/07/23 07:35 PM
1

You need to get: "No more Mr Nice Guy" by Robert Glover Upvoted and seconded. Probably a free PDF floating around out there somewhere.
/r/Divorce_Men22/07/23 07:27 PM
2

Wow, what a mess. Sympathies. Like a lot of men here, I can relate to some of this. Not all, but some. Definitely can understand how stress and mental health can contribute to a decline in physical health. At least you recognize it. I'm not a lawyer or a coach or a counselor. But the only thing I can suggest is perhaps make a list of what you want/need on a six-week timeframe, then again on a six-month timeframe, and again for 12 months or 16 months, whatever. Make a list of pros/cons/thoughts/d…
/r/Divorce_Men22/07/23 07:18 PM
1

She has had plenty of time to up her skill sets ... however choose not to You might want to start documenting that. Think ahead to presenting it as evidence in court.
/r/Divorce_Men21/07/23 07:32 PM
1

alimony is still on the table or once kids are 18…I’m free and clear?? They're generally unrelated. If you end the marriage with no minor children, your wife still has a perfectly valid claim to alimony.
/r/Divorce_Men21/07/23 07:31 PM
2

You've mentioned credit score a few times. Welcome to the upside down world of divorce where perverse incentives dominate! Let me explain: First, no one in court cares about your credit. If your credit is stellar, I'm sure you want to show it off to illustrate that you're hard-working and responsible, and therefore, the better person. But in the World of Divorce, being hard-working and responsible means YOU are going to finance everything. The uneducated, careless, poorer spouse needs to be take…
/r/Divorce_Men21/07/23 07:24 PM
-3

alot of battling Alot isn't a word.
/r/Divorce_Men21/07/23 07:18 PM
1

The scene that really hit me (upon re-watching after a divorce) was when the ex-wife came to the dad's cheap, new apartment to pick up the kids. She was early, without apology, which cut into dad's time. But she was also obnoxiously judgemental about the living environment and the food, hinting it was unsuitable for kids. When I wanted my kid to come visit me at a new place, my ex and her lawyer wanted photos of the place. That was never in the divorce decree, but it's a subtle way of saying I'm…
/r/Divorce_Men20/07/23 08:59 PM
3

Please check out this comment I made on another post. A perfectly valid objection is: Defendant objects to this interrogatory because it seeks information in the possession of, known to, or otherwise equally available to the plaintiff.
/r/Divorce_Men20/07/23 02:55 AM
7

Delusions of persecution. It should be called insanity, but that's probably closer. Other comments are right; if she's on social media, she's learning that any problem at all is "ABUSE".
/r/Divorce_Men19/07/23 07:26 PM
3

She has the same education level as I do ... I'm physically disabled ... she has nothing wrong with her This jumps out at me. I'm surprised no one else has suggested this. But I would seriously look at hiring an occupational analyst. It's a person who will review your wife's CV -- and the job market -- and make a determination that she has the ability to earn $X. Whatever X is, push that number hard. Use it in your calculations and let her fight back. Remind the court early and often than SHE CA…
/r/Divorce_Men19/07/23 06:56 PM
6

the baby's going to be a Florida resident This line caught my eye. I don't know the laws about Florida residency, but if I were you, I'd take the time to research them. I'm betting that mom can't just show up and be a legal resident after a week. So, I'm wondering about the residency of any children born to a non-resident mother. This is not just trivia. Family Courts take jurisdiction very seriously. You can't just plop yourself down in another state in the middle of a divorce or custody battle…
/r/Divorce_Men19/07/23 06:26 AM
1

Does your divorce decree order you to keep the court updated with your latest income? I'd start there. If not, she'll have to file a motion and do discovery to get your financials. And, in that case, you would be free to do discovery on HER financials as well. Normally, for most men who don't run businesses, child support is essentially based on Adjusted Gross Income (AGI). The IRS actually publishes a legal definition of AGI, so you can see what's included and what's excluded. But if you're a b…
/r/Divorce_Men17/07/23 05:20 PM
2

All assets are spilt down the middle I don't think you read the post at all. This isn't a divorce question. They're already divorced. OP never used the words "child support", but it sounds like his ex wants to adjust his child support upwards by including more income.
/r/Divorce_Men17/07/23 05:15 PM
2

Disagree. OP has a point. My ex insisted having our daughter sleep in the same bed until she was at least seven despite having her own bedroom and bed. I didn't realize it until some other dads pointed it out to me, but it makes overnights w/o mom very difficult. It's a subtle way to alienate dad. having her feel safe and secure trumps you being right Yes, to a limited degree, depending on circumstance. But I prefer my kids to be STRONG, not SECURE. The world is a challenging place; there will a…
/r/Divorce_Men17/07/23 05:00 PM
1

I have no tattoos. But I think it's interesting to see what motivates people to get some ink. Young men who've joined the Marine Corps, for example, feel exceptional pride, brotherhood, and Esprit de corps. So it's little wonder they get an Eagle, Globe and Anchor. And I've seen women get tattoos to memorialize some triumph in their life, like overcoming some huge obstacle, like surviving an abusive relationship. I've thought of getting a tattoo. But it would have to be something personal and si…
/r/Divorce_Men17/07/23 02:49 AM
1

What if she has to buy school supplies and clothes? You're kidding, right? That's what child support is for. The mom should learn to budget.
/r/Divorce_Men17/07/23 02:39 AM
8

The only thing I'd be worried about is if an early payment still counts as a valid payment. The laws and policies seem to vary quite a bit. But there are horror stories out there of men who, for example, paid a few months in advance, or perhaps paid a lump sum, only to be told later the off-schedule payment WAS A GIFT, and the scheduled payment is still due. May not apply to you. If you decide to move forward, at a minimum, I'd get it in writing that she acknowledges the payments as early paymen…
/r/Divorce_Men17/07/23 02:37 AM
7

Here's an answer to a question you didn't ask, but it's related. I was shocked to learn that judges don't write their own orders. They pick one of the lawyers to put all the verbal stuff on paper. Then, the judge signs it. In my case, it was the opposing lawyer who wrote up the decree. If you've ever taken minutes for a meeting, you know that it's easy to find a situation where, despite the words that were spoken out loud, there could be some wiggle room when it comes to putting it on paper. The…
/r/Divorce_Men17/07/23 02:29 AM
6

Perhaps we should say, "There's a banana in her fruit salad"? Or, "She's getting sour cream in her burrito"? I like the food metaphors.
/r/Divorce_Men17/07/23 02:21 AM
2

yes, that could be real Wow, that really is crazy. We're always reminded that child support and spousal support are completely different, and meant to solve two completely different problems. I always had the impression that spousal support was a fixed number (unless a court orders it changed). I'm not from California, but I'm shocked to see that it can be automatically re-adjusted. Funny, isn't it? If a re-adjustment (of anything) means that payments go down, they're never automatic. But if a r…
/r/Divorce_Men17/07/23 02:12 AM
4

No More Mr Nice Guy Here's a quick story. I actually went to therapy, on my own, during the divorce. Therapist recommended a book -- can't remember the title -- that was basically useless. It sorta treated the symptoms but never got to the root of my problems. But I bought it on Amazon. And you know how Amazon gives you suggestions, as in, "If you liked THAT book, you might like this other book"? Well, Amazon, God Bless them, suggested No More Mr. Nice Guy. I skimmed the reviews and bought it. N…
/r/Divorce_Men15/07/23 11:09 PM
3

Yeah, man, that was a trip. It's been about ten years, but I still remember her saying that. And, of course, like a simp, I let it slide. It wasn't until our divorce that my testicles descended. Better late than never, I guess.
/r/Divorce_Men15/07/23 11:03 PM
2

All I can think of: Beware of incoming false accusations of abuse. They call such accusations "The Silver Bullet" for a reason. The accusations could be flat-out lies. Or, more likely, she'll take some real-world example and blow it completely out of context. E.g.: if one of your kids needs to be disciplined, and you indeed discipline him in a calm, reasonable way, she'll report that you TERRORIZED your kid, left a bruise, screamed, threatened, etc. Even if you deny it all under oath in court, i…
/r/Divorce_Men15/07/23 05:07 PM
20

I sacrificed time and distance with my family ... I worked 12 hour days busting my ass ... ... so she could live where she wanted. I paid off her credit card debt, truck debt, personal debt so we could have a true fresh start. Wow, all of it sounds familiar. I never claimed to be the Perfect Husband, but for a few years, I gave everything. All I expected in return was a little respect. I think it took me a long time to process what happened and come to that conclusion. I think if I felt apprecia…
/r/Divorce_Men15/07/23 04:57 PM
5

Among insults (and that's what it is), I think narcissist has a unique place. It's not just a mental health issue like depression or PTSD. Narcissism immediately creates a victim and a victimizer. It's a way for someone to say they're the innocent victim of a monstrous abuser, but wrap it up nicely in a clinical word.
/r/Divorce_Men14/07/23 05:46 PM
2

they were all labeled "#narcissistic recover, etc. Wow. Sounds too familiar. Broadcasting her self-assigned victimhood.
/r/Divorce_Men14/07/23 05:43 PM
8

I'm not happy. To build on this, "I was NEVER happy". This goes along with re-writing history. For 10 years, my ex and I raised kids, bought homes, enlarged our careers and social standing, made money, traveled, dreamed, planned, talked about retirement. Or course we had ups and downs. No couple is perfect. But at the end, when asked to rate the marriage on a scale of 1 to 10, I'd say 6 or maybe 6.5 or 7 on a good day. But when it was her turn to answer? "ZERO. Always been zero. It's been zero f…
/r/Divorce_Men14/07/23 05:40 PM
4

"He's a narcissist!" "He was never diagnosed by a mental health professional. But I spent five minutes reading the Wikipedia page on narcissism, so I know he has it!" As retarded as this sounds, I've actually seen women write this. As total mental health amateurs, they REALLY think they can diagnose disorders in people with whom they are emotionally involved, during a breakup, without any sort of conflict of interest.
/r/Divorce_Men14/07/23 05:34 PM
2

I've actually seen women write that 1) they're gaslighting themselves or 2) the world is gaslighting them or 3) they're fully and completely aware that someone is gaslighting them. Gaslighting involves fooling someone, so how.....? I got the 'gaslighting' line from my ex. I told her that gaslighting is using trickery or deception to fool someone into thinking they're crazy. But I wasn't using trickery. I told her right to her face she was crazy.
/r/Divorce_Men14/07/23 05:30 PM
2

she can get almost all the statements she's asking for Often, men forget they can object to Discovery questions. HERE is a partial list. And one of them is: "Plaintiff objects to this interrogatory because it seeks information in the possession of, known to, or otherwise equally available to the defendant." There are also objections concerning the relevance of a Discovery question, or how likely it is to lead to relevant evidence. Also, "overly burdensome" is another popular objection. Lastly, i…
/r/Divorce_Men13/07/23 01:27 PM
1

landed the kids in the hospital for suicidal ideations and threats Ah, well brother, maybe our kids can go bowling together or something. I never realized this was common with single moms after a nasty divorce.
/r/Divorce_Men13/07/23 04:19 AM
1

I'll choke that bitch if I ever see her again.
/r/Divorce_Men13/07/23 04:17 AM
2

you have to establish residency there for 6 months first OP, this is an excellent point. Look up the laws and know when Ohio formally gets jurisdiction.
/r/Divorce_Men13/07/23 04:15 AM
3

Long story, but jurisdiction was an issue in my divorce. And I can tell you that courts take jurisdiction seriously. The reason is because, if legal proceedings are started by a court that has no jurisdiction, it's a serious headache for the court to unwind. Technically, the court where I divorced had no jurisdiction over me, but I waived it. The judge was very, very, careful about this point. He wanted to hear it directly from me. The VERY LAST THING a judge wants is to get balls-deep in a case…
/r/Divorce_Men13/07/23 04:11 AM
3

Do they not teach Latin in school anymore? It means 'pending litigation'.
/r/Divorce_Men11/07/23 11:28 PM
2

There's not much I can ask you; I've been through the meatgrinder myself. But I appreciate the milestone. But I noticed that you specifically mentioned Pendente Lite as if it was something unusual. I thought those orders were typical, especially in long divorces. But I have a special dislike for them. They create a subtle disadvantage men may not see until it's too late. My ex's lawyer pushed for Pendente Lite early on. There was an emphasis on its ephemeral nature. That is, they're only TEMPORA…
/r/Divorce_Men11/07/23 11:24 PM
1

NJ ... where ... deadbeat dads ... get away without paying CS all the time Sure... Ari Schochet can tell you all about it.
/r/Divorce_Men11/07/23 11:14 PM
2

I hope you don't use the phrase "baby mamma" in court. To me, fewer things are more trashy that saying "baby daddy" and "baby mamma". When a woman refers to the child's father as a "baby daddy", all I can think is that so much African sperm has been pumped into her asshole, it's starting to leak out of her mouth. Here's one possible strategy: Stay cool, calm and professional, and give her all the rope she needs to hang herself. If you're in court, use all your strength to keep your shit together…
/r/Divorce_Men10/07/23 05:20 PM
5

Why is this being such a big issue? You can read the thoughts from women about this issue over on 2X. The summary, as far as I can tell, is that setting too many boundaries is considered "controlling". And, more generally, women are accusing him of "weaponizing" therapeutic concepts, like setting boundaries. I especially like that take; I've noticed a growing trend on 2X whereby everything is getting "weaponized". They really love the idea that men turn everything into weapons to hurt women. The…
/r/Divorce_Men10/07/23 04:19 PM
7

My only advice is to find a First Sergeant or Senior Chief who will see you behind closed doors and off-the-record. Those old crusty, salty senior NCOs have seen it all before. They've heard all the horror stories. They aren't lawyers, of course, or psychologists. But they might give you some useful suggestions and moral support. A good First Sergeant (or Chief) takes care of his men. A good buddy of mine is a former crusty senior Chief, himself wiped-out in a divorce mid-career, and enjoyed tal…
/r/Divorce_Men09/07/23 06:20 PM
1

Great. Sorry I missed your comment last night. Give me a few hours and I'll DM you.
/r/Divorce_Men08/07/23 01:43 PM
1

You didn't say how long you were married. But if she's under 40, I'm guessing you've been married for 15 years at the most. Permanent alimony is unlikely. You should really get the advice from a local attorney about adding claims to your case. But at some point, it all has to prosecuted at a hearing. You can't have counter-counter claims and counter-counter-counter claims, and so on, forever. Obviously, you know your situation better than any of us. But I would focus on her age, health, educatio…
/r/Divorce_Men08/07/23 05:25 AM
0

she has previously been diagnosed with ... issues ... one or more personality disorders, but [says] "There's nothing wrong with me -- you're the one with mental health issues and anything I do is just me reacting to your behavior". Wow, this sounds shockingly familiar. I think crazy divorcing women must have a playbook or something. This is almost word-for-word what I heard, too. For what it's worth, plenty of women like to "play" psychoanalyst; they Google the 'symptoms' until they find what th…
/r/Divorce_Men08/07/23 05:10 AM
19

Whenever there is divorce-related news, it's always interesting to go see the women's perspective. Over on the 2X subreddit last night, the girls were chatting about this law. Many of the comments focused on some Florida woman Republican voter who said the law will hurt her. And, of course, there's a pile-on of comments about how she voted for DeSantis and now she gets what she deserves. Wow, way to support a sister. It's a little disappointing to see this law politicized so quickly. It's not as…
/r/Divorce_Men07/07/23 05:10 PM
5

By any chance, are you into audio books? If you have any downtime in the next three weeks, I have the audio version of Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance already ripped to MP3 and ready for a phone or iPod. I can send it if you want. LMK. Reply here, and I'll DM you if you're interested. If you're unfamiliar, the book is a 50 year-old quasi-autobiographical cross-country journey that blends motorcycle adventures with elements of philosophy, ethics, and logic as the narrator reconciles wit…
/r/Divorce_Men07/07/23 04:35 AM
1

Thanks. The story gets worse. I don't want to derail OP's question, but the more I looked at my situation, the stinkier it got. I was divorced in a small-ish city where everyone knows everyone (at least, the important people). The high-end judges and lawyers all grew up together, or have family connections. It was my ex's hometown. There are streets there named after her family. I had a hard time finding ANY lawyer who wasn't conflicted-out. I later discovered the judge had been a neighbor of my…
/r/Divorce_Men06/07/23 06:09 PM
9

I get your question. But given that this is a divorce subreddit, I'll say no, it's not important to me because all that matters is that it's IMPORTANT TO THE JUDGE. Long story short: My ex often earned well into the six figures during our marriage. But the judge imputed minimum fucking wage to her to compute support numbers at the divorce. I even had her paystubs and tax returns. But the judge was happy to give her the minimum responsibility. And, of course, as soon as the trial was over, she we…
/r/Divorce_Men06/07/23 01:39 PM
6

is there any reason to not just blow any extra income on enjoyment in marriage? I get your point. But yes, there is a reason. When a marriage ends, and the women is looking to cash-out, very often her standard of living is a factor. I don't know if this is explicitly codified into the laws of every state. But you will hear women talking about how alimony, for example, is meant to 'equalize' or 'maintain' her standard of living. Let's make up some numbers. You earn $150k, she earns $50k. Together…
/r/Divorce_Men05/07/23 03:12 PM
1

Not just assets, but child support and alimony, too. And, in general, ATTITUDES about such things (e.g. Texas is apparently famous for not giving out lavish alimony awards). But what can be worse, I think, is the variance you'll find inside ONE COURTHOUSE, depending on the judge. I guess this is more about child custody than assets. Sorry to hijack your post, OP. But when I had my own issues with child visitation, I remember my lawyer hoping to get a certain judge. But we ended up with a judge w…
/r/Divorce_Men04/07/23 02:14 PM
5

I was about to say this is a confusing post. But I see where you updated it to say you weren't ORDERED to pay before. The good news is that, generally, child support can only be ordered to start when she files. And if she files now, when your income is so low, that works to your advantage. However, be aware, she (or her lawyer) will argue that your income should be IMPUTED. That is, if you earned $100k last year, they'll argue you're CAPABLE of earning that much, and that's the number they'll wa…
/r/Divorce_Men03/07/23 04:35 PM
2

I can attain residency in the UK if I’m the parent of a UK citizen That's good. My only advice is to be fanatical about getting the paperwork exactly right. In fact, you should consider hiring a UK immigration attorney, even if it's just simple paperwork. Quick story: An acquaintance of mine married a UK single mom, and he moved with them to England to permanently live and work and be a step-father. He was no dummy; I'm sure he did the right paperwork. All was well for a while. But, after 18 mon…
/r/Divorce_Men01/07/23 04:41 PM
1

It seems that I'm repeating this often here lately: If you're in a no-fault divorce (which you probably are), accusations like this really don't matter. Maybe if she had some proof you're physically violent, it could affect custody. But far too often, women forget they're in a "no-fault" divorce. To point out the obvious, it means no one is at fault. But lots of women ignore this and think they can come to court with a long list of complaints, and the judge will see them favorably. The judge won…
/r/Divorce_Men01/07/23 12:45 AM
2

[from OP] Soon after she hires a monster of an attorney ... You need to hire a pitbull of an attorney ... This is the right reply, I guess. I mean, what choice do you have? But this is what kills me about the divorce industry. Okay, OP, you and your wife now each have a $500/hour lawyer on retainer with an ugly criminal accusation in the air. What will ultimately happen with the criminal accusation? Nothing, probably. But meanwhile, the lawyers will exchange some pointless hate mail and otherwis…
/r/Divorce_Men01/07/23 12:36 AM
7

High body count It's really amazing and revealing whenever this subject comes up on women's social media. The Whatever podcast on YouTube has made this a staple. Women get SO OFFENDED when this subject comes up ("None of your business, ew!"). Few other topics get women so spun-up. There was one Whatever podcast where the male host asked a bunch of slutty college girls: "If your body count was displayed on your forehead for everyone to see, would it change your sexual behavior?" Clever question b…
/r/Divorce_Men30/06/23 12:58 PM
4

As long as we're listing Red Flags, I'll add a big one. And BTW, the list so far is great. OP, get a look at her credit report. I actually saw my ex's credit report before we got married. It was ugly (e.g.: she was sued by a state for back taxes). But I overlooked it because I was temporarily insane trying to get her panties off. She had a great job and made good money. But she was HORRIBLE at managing her money. In our marriage, she ALWAYS had tax problems (which, by the virtue of marriage, mad…
/r/Divorce_Men30/06/23 12:50 PM
36

A few comments. First, I've been there. My ex saved (and printed out) every e-mail in which we had an argument or she felt insulted. Shockingly (sarcasm), the judge wasn't interested in reading a stack of years-old e-mails. In general, I've seen this behavior from other women, too. They want to go to court with a long list of complaints and expect the judge to be marriage referee and give a ruling on every argument they've ever had. They want their proverbial "day in court" to loudly proclaim ho…
/r/Divorce_Men28/06/23 11:34 AM
27

OP, your observation is 100% correct. Full stop. But what else I notice on Reddit in general (not just in the divorce subs) is the automatic assumption that women get custody and child support. Wow, I thought we're all Feminists now who believe in equality (?). I thought women were strong and independent and didn't need no man? E.g.: when Roe v. Wade was overturned, obviously there was lots of discussions all over Reddit. I was shocked to see so many women (apparently speaking on behalf of all w…
/r/Divorce_Men27/06/23 05:46 PM
2

being a SAHM is a privilege of being in a marriage Yes, and the way I see it: It's the job she wanted. Maybe not 100% of the time, but I'd say 95% of the time, when a young couple starts a family, the woman PREFERS to stay home and raise the kids, at least for a few years. I have never heard a woman complain that she PREFERS to work 60 hours a week and pay all the bills, but her husband won't allow it. And yet, if they divorce, she'll say that she SACRIFICED her career for the family and deserve…
/r/Divorce_Men26/06/23 09:11 PM
12

can I go after her for lawyers fees ? Well, you can always ask. No harm in that. Every judge is different, but mine only awarded the difference (e.g.: if you spent $6k in legal fees and she spent $5k, the judge might only award $1k). But again, the judge needs to be convinced that she is to blame for the litigation. Interesting that she's trying for more than what her lawyer says. No doubt one of her divorced friends has whispered in her ear, and convinced her she can get more. If she refuses to…
/r/Divorce_Men26/06/23 03:31 PM
1

She is vulnerable, angry, fragile and navigating the challenges of the youth I used to tell my teen that she's on the cover of this month's issue of "Sullen Teen" magazine. She hated it when I said that, but after a while, it sorta became an inside joke for us.
/r/Divorce_Men25/06/23 11:02 PM
1

Give her a good overview what has happened in your marriage, the “real” version This is a tough nut, I assure you. Once you start blaming the mom, the kid won't listen. And it's simply adding more fire to the fire. But on the other hand, sometimes it's impossible to explain a situation without getting a little dirty. So, it becomes an impossible task. This is one of those situations, unfortunately, where the truth doesn't really matter.
/r/Divorce_Men25/06/23 11:01 PM
2

Did you know you can shorten the URL down to this? https://www.amazon.ca/dp/1538106949 Instead of that monstrosity?
/r/Divorce_Men25/06/23 10:58 PM
7

Obviously, what works for me may not work for you. But I'll suggest one possibility: Forgive your father. When it was suggested to me, I shrugged it off; the man had been dead for years. But I came to learn that forgiveness was not for him, it was for me. The fact that he was dead shouldn't make a difference. Truly forgiving someone doesn't happen in two seconds. It takes deep thought and introspection. It forces you to sort out the guilt and the shame. You can't feel humility until you've been …
/r/Divorce_Men25/06/23 10:48 PM
1

Hey brother, I can tell you're upset. But your narration is all over the place. Take a deep breath and tell us exactly what the problem is. Okay, I get it you're going back to court to get 50% custody. But has your ex made any claims against you that make you a bad parent? What do you suppose the PI is looking for? (don't say, "I don't know"; take a guess, you know your situation better than us). You said you're not doing anything illegal. Well, that's not the standard, unfortunately. If we aske…
/r/Divorce_Men24/06/23 06:00 PM
3

This is a good answer. Whenever this question comes up, my advice is think about what's important to you; what's the objective. And don't say "everything". For some men, 50/50 custody is non-negotiable. For other men, monthly support payments are the big issue. Whatever. But have a handle on it and be sure your lawyer knows. Before you go, start copying tax returns, pay stubs, bank statements, and so on. Bring it all with you in a binder. The lawyer will ask for it eventually. Better to leave a …
/r/Divorce_Men21/06/23 07:32 AM
4

You're already divorced? And/or already had your custody hearing? Perjury in family court is basically expected and tolerated. Personally, it's one of my big gripes about family court: All the formality and procedure and black robes and fancy Latin words and the marbled halls... they all mean fuck-all if the court allows perjury and has no integrity. Anyway (sorry to vent), perhaps the best you can do is make a list of instances where she lied under oath. Then, in the future, if there's ever a h…
/r/Divorce_Men19/06/23 03:20 PM
3

OP, all of this sounds familiar, in one form or another. It's amazing how some lawyers like to take on the role of a superhero, defenders of justice, fighting for the 'little guy', champion to divorcing women in abusive marriages, and so on. But, wow, the moment the money runs out, we see exactly who they really are.
/r/Divorce_Men19/06/23 03:12 PM
16

Lawyers filled her head with entitlement Same here. My ex was promised MORE THAN 100% of my take-home income in support payments. When I pointed this out, she didn't see the problem. She assured me her lawyer had it all figured out. This should be unethical. The false sense of entitlement really screwed things up for me. Most divorces end in a settlement, or compromise, or negotiation. I fully expected mine to end like that, too. There was no need to go to trial. Trials are ugly and expensive an…
/r/Divorce_Men19/06/23 03:09 PM
2

Check out divorce corp ... http://190.97.162.68/DivorceCorp.m4v
/r/Divorce_Men19/06/23 03:02 PM
3

Sounds epic. Seriously. OP, maybe I'm bringing my own troubles to your situation (I've been nostalgic lately and attending too many funerals). But be sure to get some quality photos of the kids and your dad on the boat. Not just stupid snapshots with your phone. Maybe have the kids wear some nice clothes one day. Hire a photographer so not every photo is a damn selfie. Hiring a photographer is not the luxury you might think it is. In this gig economy, I'm sure you can get some struggling 20-some…
/r/Divorce_Men19/06/23 02:57 PM
1

I use NordVPN on my ... PC That protects you from your ISP. But I'm guessing that you know how to clean a PC, right? Things like Private Browsing on an internet browser (so it won't remember anything; leaves no history or cache). For that matter, on Windows computers, having separate logins and your wife can't access your side. BleachBit is a fun little tool that erases all the history and cache, shreds deleted files, and cleans everything.
/r/Divorce_Men19/06/23 01:33 AM
1

I'm no lawyer and also not familiar with Utah. So I'm kinda talking out of my ass here. But it sure seems to me that if a woman files an 'at-fault' divorce against her husband -- in any state -- the 'fault-ness' will be clearly established in her introductory filing (also called the 'complaint'). Typically we don't call it a 'complaint'. But divorce is a lawsuit. A lawsuit starts with one party formally complaining about the other party. I'm going to make an educated guess that the complaining d…
/r/Divorce_Men19/06/23 01:27 AM
2

Indeed I do. Well, except the Bolivia part. I've been tempted but never tried it. No, I had to take a nap; had to reload. Just woke up for dinner and round 2.
/r/Divorce_Men19/06/23 01:20 AM
1

emotional distress Is she claiming emotional distress?
/r/Divorce_Men18/06/23 05:55 PM
2

I just figure that a court has the power to subpoena internet records during a divorce Just to be clear... it's not the court, necessarily, that would be issuing the subpoena in your hypothetical example. It would be the opposing lawyer. The court itself is not an investigatory agency. It won't go off on its own to discover facts. If it came to be the opposing lawyer actually issued such a subpoena, you can challenge it (called 'quashing' a subpoena). I'm no lawyer, but it seems you can easily a…
/r/Divorce_Men18/06/23 05:53 PM
1

A couple of comments. First, I don't know if the reasons for an appeal are so strict in every state. Maybe they are. But it seems to me that a scumbag lawyer can always twist the truth into whatever it needs to be. Second, and this is good news for you, OP: appeals are expensive. Few lawyers are willing to do them. I got divorced in a local circuit court. But in that location, appeals are heard at the state's supreme court. This probably varies from state to state. When I asked my lawyer about t…
/r/Divorce_Men18/06/23 05:42 PM
3

Booze and hookers, as usual, just like every Christmas and Father's Day. Hey, I look at the bright side. At least I'm still sucking down oxygen for another year. The kids are long gone, totally convinced I'm the bad guy from the divorce. At least I haven't come across any posts yet from single MOTHERS who want credit on Father's Day. That shit is truly insulting.
/r/Divorce_Men18/06/23 05:23 PM
5

Also, related, most men are gaslighting their spouse in a divorce. Nevermind the traditional definition of the word (to trick someone into thinking they're crazy). If you merely tell your spouse she's wrong about something, you're "gaslighting" her. You're gaslighting even if there is no trickery involved (like in my case, I told my ex she was crazy right to her face). (BTW, my personal favorite abuse of the word is when women say they're gaslighting THEMSELVES, or the entire world is gaslightin…
/r/Divorce_Men18/06/23 12:19 PM
6

Actually, it's more like, "I spent five minutes reading the Wikipedia page on narcissism, so I know what I'm talking about." I like it on /r/Divorce when a woman focuses on her spouse's mental illness, and someone asks, "Was he actually diagnosed by a mental health professional?" Sometimes, she sees where this is going and just replies "Fuck You". But other times, they actually admit openly that they did the diagnosis themselves, seemingly unaware of how bad that looks and sounds. I've even seen…
/r/Divorce_Men18/06/23 11:34 AM
1

Whoa. Hold up. Did you just say that "fighting like Hell" means "getting her in a good mood"? I really don't know how to reply to that. I'm glad you're not my lawyer ("We about to lose this case! We need to put the prosecutor in better mood!").
/r/Divorce_Men17/06/23 09:46 PM
0

Fight like hell for your kids Lots of people use these exact words when describing a conflict in family court. And now here's a lawyer saying it, too. What does that mean? Like, EXACTLY? Would you commit perjury? Lots of people think that's perfectly fair in family court disputes. Would you fabricate evidence? Or conceal evidence? Forgery, money laundering, why not? False allegations of abuse? That's standard. I'm not trying to pick on you personally. I hate family court for many reasons, but on…
/r/Divorce_Men17/06/23 03:46 PM
1

A note about security tactics: Before she gets a clue about what you're planning, be sure all your passwords are changed, take photos of evidence, backup everything to a removable drive and store it safely somewhere. If storing in the cloud, use a strong password. Use a password manager to keep track of all these new passwords. Be sure you have copies of tax returns, bank statements, utility bills, and so on. In theory, she needs to turn these things over in Discovery. But it sure is a Hell of l…
/r/Divorce_Men17/06/23 03:31 PM
3

the second you confront her, things will go nuclear instantly Great comment, Macaroon. And to OP, pay special heed to this one specific line.
/r/Divorce_Men17/06/23 03:21 PM
2

Sorry you're getting downvoted. You're talking "worst-case-scenario", but by no means are you WRONG. Lawyers have a very valid reputation of figuring out how much money the parents have and then acting according to how much money is available to the litigants. Here's an experiment: Call a family law attorney and tell them you're interested in litigating a child custody case. I bet the first thing they ask is what you do for a living. If you tell them you're a Walmart Greeter earning minimum wage…
/r/Divorce_Men17/06/23 01:43 AM
5

I'm totally broken Work on you ... Don’t give up Brother, I don't know. I hear what you're saying but it's not like fixing a broken car that's been in an accident and you're trying to get it back to like it was before. Damaged people are dangerous (because they know how to survive). My scars are right fucking there for everyone to see. They're not going away. It will never be like it was before. I've had women in my life since the divorce, but nothing I can't walk away from in a heartbeat. I can…
/r/Divorce_Men13/06/23 06:48 PM
2

It always is. Next thing you know, she'll start dictating what the kid can and cannot eat when he's with dad. And the bedtimes, and the tablet times, etc.
/r/Divorce_Men13/06/23 06:38 PM
3

she now wants ... 70/30 ... for ... reasons ... like that [a 3yr old] asked her ... I know I hacked that sentence together. But read it: She wants a 3-year old to make decisions for the adults. Clearly, and obviously, she's manipulating and trying to control the situation. It's absurd. The veil is embarrassingly thin. You kinda skipped over the legal part. She's a STBXW, so does that mean there's still a hearing pending at the court? I mean, at some point, you'll need a court order. If there isn…
/r/Divorce_Men13/06/23 06:35 PM
1

Well shit, lots of issues. I can't comment on all of it. But I'll mention the NICU. You skipped right over it like it's nothing. And maybe for your family, it really is in the rearview mirror. I hope so. I had a preemie kid in a NICU for a month. It was emotionally shocking; it was terrifying. I won't go into details, but the experience drained me completely. It was no picnic for my wife at the time. But the point is, the needs of the marriage suddenly became priority #11 on the list of Top Ten …
/r/Divorce_Men13/06/23 04:37 AM
4

my ... daughter and 3 of her friends ... their moms trust me probably more than my ex ... This is all good to hear and I'm happy for you. But the reason it seems noteworthy that the other moms trust you is, I would guess, an internal reflection. Let me explain. At least for me, once my ex-wife and I started arguing over money in the divorce, according to her, I immediately went from a loving father who could be trusted with his own children to a totally untrustworthy monster who hurts kids for f…
/r/Divorce_Men13/06/23 04:23 AM
16

Also remember #4, spell "You're" correctly. I am not discouraging Men who want to get married ... Why not? I will. If you're a man considering marriage, you're an idiot.
/r/Divorce_Men12/06/23 06:33 PM
2

Believe it or not, I was in a similar situation. Not exact, but similar. I was overseas and my wife (at the time) refused to file. Jurisdiction became a question. Finally, the lawyers I consulted agreed that jurisdiction belongs to the last place in the USA where we lived together as a married couple. Once you figure out the jurisdiction, you can file a no-fault divorce against her. But plenty can go wrong.... 1) She can make it impossible to serve her (so make it a surprise). 2) She can object …
/r/Divorce_Men07/06/23 02:40 PM
2

You're preaching to the preacher, OP. Once I realized this was going on in court, I was shocked. Very often in my divorce, I used the term "perverse incentive". It's a term from economics. It means you're giving people incentives to do the OPPOSITE of what they should do. It's really insane. If you're divorcing your wife because she's a financial blackhole, divorce just makes the problem worse. You can't escape it.
/r/Divorce_Men07/06/23 05:42 AM
12

You're right, but slightly off-topic. Just because a woman chooses to be a SAHM, it doesn't mean she gets to be totally irresponsible. But, yeah, I always hated this excuse for alimony as you've described it. The idea that a woman "sacrificed" her career to stay home and raise kids and now she needs to be financially compensated is deeply flawed. But women love to play that excuse all day long. I always think, "Yeah, right, you were on a corporate rocketship. You were about to be appointed Direc…
/r/Divorce_Men07/06/23 05:40 AM
2

unenforceable I agree. I'm a big advocate of the idea that Family Courts have overextended their authority. I first ran into this during my own divorce in which I was forbidden to talk my own children about the divorce. I'm no First Amendment lawyer, but wow, I'm not at all convinced that some lowly county court has more authority than Congress to limit my Constitutional rights. I read other stories about men who were forbidden from criticizing their ex-wife on Facebook (criminalizing free speec…
/r/Divorce_Men06/06/23 11:25 PM
1

Cave into her now, and soon enough, she'll control what the kids eat when they're with you, what time they go to bed, and how much TV they can watch at your house. She'll want to micromanage your life with your kids when she's not there. Stop it in the bud. You'd be surprised, but some women continue to litigate their divorce long after it's over. E.g.: she doesn't want the kids to eat McDonald's when they're with dad, and will actually get a lawyer to file a motion to get a court order. The jud…
/r/Divorce_Men06/06/23 11:20 PM
4

The proper course of action is to end the relationship before this happens Sometimes easier said than done. Divorce is drastic. For a while, I was deeply unhappy in my marriage, especially over bedroom action. "You're going to break up the family just to get laid?", she would ask me sarcastically. But late at night, alone with my thoughts, I dared to wonder if the question wasn't really sarcastic. Added to that, not everyone agrees on the definition of cheating. Does it have to be physical? Some…
/r/Divorce_Men06/06/23 11:11 PM
1

fighting club, cooking Cock fighting club... if you're dyslexic.
/r/Divorce_Men06/06/23 10:55 PM
5

I'm not a fan of unilateral no-fault divorce. But it does exist as a solution. But for the love of God, don't get her pregnant now.
/r/Divorce_Men06/06/23 05:34 AM
1

This would be a great question for an accountant or a tax lawyer. HOWEVER, my only warning here is that you'll have privileged confidentiality with a lawyer. Your accountant, in theory, could be subpoena'ed. Yeah, I'm paranoid, but it's something to consider if you're playing with fire.
/r/Divorce_Men06/06/23 05:32 AM
-4

I know this isn't a contest. But I can easily double that. At the time of my divorce, my skillset was worth more overseas than it was in the USA near my kids. The judge thought it was better that I earn more than be around more.
/r/Divorce_Men06/06/23 05:26 AM
1

Hookers and booze, as usual, just like the Christmas present to myself.
/r/Divorce_Men06/06/23 05:24 AM
1

I wish I had more helpful answers. Spit-balling here... Is it possible to do open records searches on your courthouse? And take a look at recent divorces? Perhaps certain names will show up again and again. Another aspect (but this will take some real time and research) is to make a list of judges and the attorneys that often appear before them. That's a lot of work, I know. Your courthouse likely has a website that lists the family court judges. Maybe I'm biased because of my experience, but I …
/r/Divorce_Men05/06/23 04:51 PM
3

an uncontested divorce Ummm. Maybe I'm missing something here. I'm looking at the other comments, and everyone is ignoring the elephant in the room. You said it's an uncontested divorce. But are you sure you and your ex agree on EVERYTHING? You said you're "thinking of filing" which makes me wonder if you've really gotten her full agreement on everything yet. The elephant in the room is your apparent desire and belief that you can circle a date on the calendar with a bright red Sharpie and decla…
/r/Divorce_Men05/06/23 12:16 AM
1

Even as I type this, it sounds unbelievable. I can't believe it happened to me. After my ex and I separated -- but before the divorce or ANY court orders -- my ex moved herself and our two daughters from a rental house to a new apartment. I was working overseas at the time, far, far away. She didn't move all at once. Instead, she brought over a few boxes at a time over a period of several days. After she had moved about half of her belongings, the apartment caught on fire early one morning durin…
/r/Divorce_Men05/06/23 12:01 AM
6

STOP TALKING TO THE POLICE. The Fifth Amendment gives you the right to remain silent and refuse to answer questions. I'm no lawyer, but I spend a lot of time lurking on civil rights subreddits. There's THIS often-cited video from a law school professor. He gives an excellent speech on why you should never talk to the police. He gives lots of examples of how even INNOCENT people giving TRUTHFUL answers can still get in trouble. So, even if you think you've done nothing wrong and can talk your way…
/r/Divorce_Men04/06/23 11:39 PM
2

The man said he owed half a million. Uber? Really? At what point do you just give up?
/r/Divorce_Men04/06/23 02:35 PM
1

Attorney didn't seem to truly understand situation. Courts definitely didn't understand it. Been there. Sympathies. I really came to believe that the courts did not even WANT to understand it. For all the diversity in families and finances, family court is a one-size-fits-all solution for every set of circumstances, so they think. Most prominently: the assumption that a man's income is constant, regular, predictable and will never change. As soon as you start to explain to the courts how they ne…
/r/Divorce_Men04/06/23 02:34 PM
2

You need to get back in Court ... take a stand and fight this system I appreciate the cheerleading. But the problem is that debt accrued through Family Court is not dischargeable; nor is it possible to have it retroactively modified. This is actually a federal law called the Bradley Amendment, if you want to look it up. The law was intended to close a loophole whereby dads could 'shop around' for a friendly judge who would feel sorry for them and cancel their debts. Of course, the law also kills…
/r/Divorce_Men04/06/23 02:29 PM
1

play golf dance class pick up my kid from school bought her a new pair of shoes a lovely cold lunch making her sandwich golf again Show me where in the child support formula these things matter. If you and your ex are able to be friendly and civil and make up your own co-parenting plan, then congratulations and good for you. But you're a fool if you believe all men can do this. Most men, if they fell behind in support, came to court with stories about shoes and sandwiches, the judge wouldn't car…
/r/Divorce_Men01/06/23 12:02 AM
5

this fake idea that anything less than 50/50 means they’re a bad parent. Or they think that every other weekend means their children will forget them. These are just stereotypes and they are not true. Holy Hell, where are you getting your information? The stereotype is absolutely true and there's evidence to support it. Okay, the kid won't LITERALLY forget the dad, but there is documented estrangement between a child and a parent with the so-called "standard possession order". Are you actually s…
/r/Divorce_Men31/05/23 11:55 PM
1

the website would be hard to find without it Metadata. I'm hardly an SEO expert. But once you know what Google is looking for, it's pretty easy to steer search results your direction.
/r/Divorce_Men31/05/23 04:00 AM
2

Thank you. I appreciate it.
/r/Divorce_Men30/05/23 09:31 PM
5

prison for failure to pay child support It's a rabbit hole, for sure, legally speaking. Again, I'm no lawyer, but I've read some compelling essays on the subject. Basically, the Constitution guarantees a right to Due Process. To circumvent this, the courts invented a new creature called "civil contempt". When charged, you're treated just like a criminal. But because it's technically civil (in name only), Constitutional protections don't apply. No jury. No guaranteed lawyer. No one reads you your…
/r/Divorce_Men30/05/23 04:37 AM
7

Thanks. It's been a tough road. It got to the point where no one would pick up the phone. I had no way to reach my kids. If I mailed something, my ex would intercept it. It literally got to the point I was going through lawyers just to send a birthday card. My youngest daughter: I made this website two years ago, hoping that if she Googled her own name, she would find it. But she never wrote. I leave the site up anyway. Maybe someday she'll see it and realize that I didn't just abandon her like …
/r/Divorce_Men30/05/23 04:18 AM
2

Two drowning people is not an improvement over one drowning person.
/r/Divorce_Men30/05/23 04:11 AM
1

Custody is basically 53/47 Just curious, which state? When I came to this subreddit, I was shocked to learn that some states NEVER give 50/50. They do this so there's always a "non-custodial parent" (NCP), even if the split is 183 to 182 overnights. And when you run the child support calculations, of course, the NCP is sometimes hit hard, despite the virtual 50/50 arrangement. It's just odd they would come up with 53/47. Why not just 50/50 and be done with it? Splitting hairs at that point. Unle…
/r/Divorce_Men30/05/23 04:07 AM
2

Came here to join the pile-on. My divorce began friendly and civil. In fact, stupidly, I remember thinking to myself, "Divorce isn't so hard. What's the big deal?" I even went full retard and started paying her temporary support in cash, without a receipt. I still trusted her. We were mutually working the problems. Then one day her lawyer wrote down a number. It was HER calculation of the support amounts; her idea of the amount of money she thought I should be sending over every month. I honestl…
/r/Divorce_Men30/05/23 03:55 AM
2

Are you in CDMX by any chance? Go get yourself some tacos from Pueblo Chico. Oh, man, I'd love some of that right now. https://goo.gl/maps/ab5BEHEfN9wWSP6P7
/r/Divorce_Men29/05/23 11:55 AM
20

BION, I was in the same situation. During my divorce, my skills were worth more overseas than they were in the USA. My support payments were set according to my overseas pay. Yes, I was promised the chance to video chat with them, and see them once or twice a year. I never saw them again. The chats faded away. When it was time to chat, they would be sleeping, or at a friend's house, or tablet battery was dead and no one could find the charger, or they forgot the password to the chat app, whateve…
/r/Divorce_Men29/05/23 11:45 AM
1

It doesn't sound like your ex-wife is causing any problems here, right? I mean, you start out by saying she's highly manipulative and crazy, but then it appears that has nothing to do with the story. Have I got that right? I only ask because I've seen it before where the mom left behind will insist on phone calls and figure out a way to spoil all the fun people are having at a distance. Of course, I don't know your family dynamics and situation. But, if it were me and it's only a few more days, …
/r/Divorce_Men29/05/23 11:35 AM
11

My brother, sympathies. Been there. I haven't read your previous posts; what's up with the PO? You mentioned spending 10k already, but hopefully you have a lawyer for the hearing. Lots of comments, if you care to hear me vent. Until I got divorced, I didn't care much about basic Constitutional rights. But now I'm convinced by SCOTUS rulings that pre-date modern Family Court that dads have a Constitutional, God-given, natural and federal right to help raise their own children and enjoy their comp…
/r/Divorce_Men29/05/23 01:19 AM
7

What are you trying to prove? Let me ask you this. Are you in the USA? And is this a no-fault divorce? If you're not sure you're in a no-fault divorce, then you probably are. At-fault divorces are rare nowadays. Anyway, if this is all true, then I'm sad to say you've fallen into a habit that many people do. They'll file a no-fault divorce (which, as the name implies, means NO ONE WAS AT FAULT), yet they come to court with a long list of complaints. I made this post the other day basically saying…
/r/Divorce_Men27/05/23 07:19 PM
1

Also, again, Old Dude here. I'm amazed (but shouldn't be) how many people ONLY have photos from their phone. I get that it's convenient, but doesn't anyone have a camera anymore? I guess crappy photos taken with a plastic lens is good enough these days for most people; after all, the photos will only ever be seen on a cracked, plastic 3-inch screen.
/r/Divorce_Men26/05/23 05:30 PM
1

EDIT: after reading all the other comments, I should add: there is one POSSIBLE practical reason for keeping photos. They serve as a witness. Sometimes, I'm trying to remember a time, a date, a place. After a few years, you start to forget, for example, "Hey, was that party in 2018 or 2019?" Or whatever. Because the photos are timestamped (and maybe even geo-tagged), it's possible that info could come in handy someday when you're trying to reconstruct your past for some legit, non-emotional reas…
/r/Divorce_Men26/05/23 05:27 PM
2

I don't know why someone downvoted this. It's 100% true.
/r/Divorce_Men26/05/23 05:25 PM
1

I assume these are digital photos? You're 31, so I'm assuming yes. Old Dude here; I had film negative and prints to deal with from the old days. They take up space and they're hard to manage. Anyway, if they'll all digital, here is a great solution: Back them up on some external hard drive or USB stick (or even the cloud). If an external hard drive, maybe make two copies. Maybe even consider putting them all into one archive, which can be password-protected, if that's a concern. Then, just put i…
/r/Divorce_Men26/05/23 05:22 PM
2

True story: For a while, I would only refer to my ex-wife as "The Plaintiff". I used it everywhere. I even changed her name in my phone. One day, one of my kids asked me, "Why do you call mom 'plaintiff'?" She'd seen my Caller ID. Oops. A little too much.
/r/Divorce_Men26/05/23 01:27 AM
2

I wanted my first lawyer to be more aggressive. I felt like the opposing lawyer was running the show, and we were just responding to it defensively, and not really fighting back. At one point, I said I wanted a little more "Saul Goodman" out of him. He didn't get the reference. Sigh. Speaking of pop culture, remember the film Black Hawk Down? There's a scene where Rangers are starting to take fire from the enemy. A young corporal -- who appears surprised and annoyed and frightened -- yells to hi…
/r/Divorce_Men24/05/23 05:54 PM
1

A couple of comments. First, if it's a no-fault divorce (which it probably is), you've probably gotten off-track. Women do this all the time; my ex-wife certainly did. As the name implies, no one is at fault. Yet, lots of women ignore it and come to court with a long list of complaints. My ex-wife thought the judge was really a referee who would rule on every argument we ever had, ever. And the judge has seen it all before. Every woman in family court says that her husband is an abusive, nasty, …
/r/Divorce_Men24/05/23 05:35 PM
–

Is it really seen as voluntary if it was an attempt to preserve my clearance? I can tell you right now what the judge will say. First, suppose you've pissed-off the judge simply by asking the question. Very sarcastically, the judge will ask, "Can your kids can have your clearance for breakfast? Can your kids wear it like a coat on a cold day? Is your clearance a school supply the kids need?" Etc, and so on. The point is, from my experience, the courts want to see cash. I've seen plenty of YouTub…
/r/Divorce_Men23/05/23 07:27 PM
9

Plan is video calls coming to see them when i can and on holidays/summer Sir, I'll be blunt and direct. You will lose these kids completely. It may not happen quickly. You might maintain contact with them for a few months or even a year. But with your plan, the fate of your relationship is sealed. They're gone. The calls will grow fewer and fewer, shorter and shorter. Soon, you'll have nothing to talk about. They'll have lives you won't know anything about. You might be able to see them in the s…
/r/Divorce_Men23/05/23 06:22 AM
1

Yeah, it sounds like you already know the answer. The courts like to assign child support based on your highest possible salary. If you take a pay cut now -- especially a VOLUNTARY one -- the courts will very likely just impute your income back to where it was. By the way, remember that if you get as little as $2500 behind in child support, they can wreck your credit and yank your clearance. So consider that if your income ever fluctuates. If you can withstand a 25k pay cut and still be making s…
/r/Divorce_Men23/05/23 06:13 AM
1

I wouldn't take to heart the other comments about this being unenforceable I'm no lawyer, that's for sure. But I was always skeptical of this order, as well as the usual order for parents not to discuss divorce matters with their own children. Or not to post their opinions about their divorce on Facebook. To me, these orders seem unconstitutional. I realize OP most likely won't mount a Constitutional appeal if he's ever charged with contempt. But I think this is one of those examples of Family C…
/r/Divorce_Men22/05/23 06:58 PM
1

does your child know you pay support? Yes, and there was an incident many years ago that opened my child's eyes. It was unintentional. My daughter was maybe about 12 at the time. At first, I tried to keep her out of my divorce details. But kids aren't stupid. As we all know, child support is normally paid through some "system" (payroll deduction or whatever). But it can take 1 - 2 months to set up. So, in the meantime, I paid my ex in cash (of course, I got a receipt!). Anyway, I was visiting my…
/r/Divorce_Men22/05/23 06:46 PM
2

It’s advocating for an equal role for women How does this sub feel about Jordan Peterson? Most of Reddit is convinced he's a neo-Nazi, far-right, woman-hating, trans-hating anti-woke asshole. Whatever. I think he's not quite so harmful. I started listening to him years ago, long before he became famous. His persona was just a few lectures on YouTube. One of his early lectures was about the patriarchy. Remember, he's a trained clinical psychologist; his opinion is more than just speculation. Anyw…
/r/Divorce_Men22/05/23 06:34 PM
15

She wants 70/30 ... because she says I haven’t been an involved dad This isn't legal help. But I'll offer a talking point that might help. I hear this argument all the time: that if dad spends less time with the kids than the mom during the marriage, then it NATURALLY follows that this pattern should continue in divorce. I say it's bullshit. And here's why. Marriage is never exactly 50/50 down to every little detail. Marriage is a complex collaboration of power, responsibility, and entitlements.…
/r/Divorce_Men22/05/23 05:59 PM
5

What's worse, it's a contract with the government, not the girl.
/r/Divorce_Men22/05/23 05:42 PM
0

EOW just did not cut it for me as i’d rather see them daily Oh, I see. EOW just didn't "cut it" for you; you had other preferences. Is that how it works? You just tell the judge and your ex-wife your preferences and what you'll accept, and that's the magic formula? And you think the rest of us are just idiots for getting "wrapped up" in the 'game'? I was generously awarded EOW. I guess my lawyer and I forgot to say, "Oh, your honor, that doesn't cut it." Then, he would have been forced to retrac…
/r/Divorce_Men21/05/23 05:09 PM
2

Would it be beneficial to get a GAL? See my comment about GALs in another thread. Actually, that whole thread is worth reading.
/r/Divorce_Men21/05/23 05:00 PM
3

All good advice. But I have to add one. Change the answers to your security questions. Many websites have a "I Forgot My Password" button. Then, after answering some dumb questions like the name of your first pet, you can get back in. Your spouse knows you well, and can probably answer these questions. This how my ex got into one of my accounts. Change all the answers to something nonsensical. But you'll have to keep track; most password managers have a free text field where you can store them. …
/r/Divorce_Men21/05/23 07:53 AM
0

OP, this is all you can do. Once upon the time, the NJ courts were merciless (Ari Schochet can tell you all about it). But don't let his story scare you too much. There have been reforms in the law. The judges are supposed to consider changes in your circumstances. When your motion is heard, make the judge as sympathetic to you as possible. E.g.: bring written evidence that you were terminated from your last job; you didn't quit voluntarily. Then, show written evidence that you've applied for 30…
/r/Divorce_Men21/05/23 07:32 AM
2

EVERY kid under 30.. [is] ... on the spectrum Isn't that the truth. Going off-topic for a minute. As an Old Dude, I'm fascinated by the younger generation. They've concluded that gender and autism are non-binary and exist on a lengthy, continuous spectrum. But racism, sexism and narcissism are strictly binary: you either have it 100% or 0%. Who's making up these rules?
/r/Divorce_Men21/05/23 07:25 AM
1

These questions pop up from time to time. I have no advice; I know nothing about Utah. But I'll add one thing that I always add: Tell your buddy to find the name of the judge and the name of opposing lawyer. This will tell you a lot in some cases. In many states, divorces are public record and you can see who the lawyers were (and the judge) for other cases. It takes time to do this research, but it can be helpful. You can see, for example, if the judge used to work for XYZ law firm, and you mig…
/r/Divorce_Men20/05/23 07:27 PM
2

I agree. Better to download into an offline folder, encrypt it, leave it on some hard drive in cold storage. That way, you're not tempted to look in a moment of weakness. But it's still there if you ever REALLY need it. Just my opinion. FYI: I've thrown away pictures that I wish I had now.
/r/Divorce_Men20/05/23 07:18 PM
3

I don’t want to cause any problems, or she’ll think I’m trying to hide things Fuck that sentiment. You get no points for being the Nice Guy here. You get no points for being honest. Cause problems. So what? Let her and her lawyer try to sort it out. See my other comment. You're now in an adversarial process. They'll treat you like a hostile witness no matter what you do. All you can do now is protect yourself. Be the nice guy later when this is all over.
/r/Divorce_Men20/05/23 07:09 PM
1

Isn’t this like giving ammunition to your enemy? Yes, Yes, Yes, and Yes. Brother! I'm here to tell you that, even if your divorce isn't too combative now, it has the potential. You're walking into a minefield. When my divorce began, I was polite and professional (stupidly thinking that cooperation was the best way to go, and cooperation would look good to the court). It wasn't long before my answers were being used against me. As the saying goes, anything you say can be used against you. I reali…
/r/Divorce_Men20/05/23 07:05 PM
9

But how broken the family law court system I would argue is a compelling story to be exposed Here you go... Erasing Family (if you're in a hurry, HERE is the trailer) Divorce Corp. (if you're in a hurry, HERE is the trailer) This book written by a major Hollywood A-List celebrity about his divorce and, even with millions of dollars and endless lawyers available to him, described his divorce as a horrifying ordeal. You can read previews on the Amazon page. What's happening is no secret. At least,…
/r/Divorce_Men20/05/23 05:07 PM
2

This topic comes up here once in a while. I can certainly understand it, but for me, nothing registers. My ex and I listened to different kinds of music. Our interests rarely overlapped. In fact, she used to make fun of my musical tastes. The music we played at our wedding was mostly some of "her" music, and some of "mine", but not much "our" music. But I get it. I have some heartbreaking memories from other relationships, and music is always a trigger. I dated a girl for my entire senior year o…
/r/Divorce_Men19/05/23 06:07 PM
3

Using a GAL seems to be a "Your Mileage May Vary" endeavor. Some men hate them; some men love them. Slightly off-topic, a desperate father who lost a bitter custody battle named Christopher Mackney killed himself. In his suicide letter, he complained that the judge refused to appoint a GAL in his case, and that a GAL would have made all the difference. We'll never know. Two journalists wrote a book about his divorce called Bullied to Death. OP, I'll add two more items to your list. First, a GAL …
/r/Divorce_Men19/05/23 05:20 PM
3

Holy Wall of Text. Dude, I'm sure you're upset, but I'm having a hard time following this. Can you give us a TL;DR. What's your question here?
/r/Divorce_Men18/05/23 10:33 PM
16

OP, this reminds me why the advice here is often: Delete Facebook and Hit the gym. Hitting the gym relieves some tension and anxiety. It's small advice, but perhaps with passing along.
/r/Divorce_Men18/05/23 10:30 PM
38

Plus, divorced men don't always end it with a bang, pardon the expression. What's really clear to me is that lots of men who've graduated from a bitter divorce will die from the so-called "Slow Burn". That is, they'll stop exercising, stop eating healthy, suffer from depression, and start drinking. This won't kill him right away. In fact, he can live for years this way, especially if his kids are alienated from him and there's no joy left except turning over his paycheck to the ex every month.
/r/Divorce_Men18/05/23 10:26 PM
1

Also did anyone word your spousal support as a percentage of income in lieu of a hard number? No judge would accept this. The reasoning is that your EX-SPOUSE deserves constant, knowable payments that she can count on, so she can budget, etc. But, obviously, it's a joke. No employer makes that same promise to you. And, if a married couple has a brief reduction of income, they all have to tighten their belts. But, once you're divorced, there is no such thing for the ex-spouse. It's maddening.
/r/Divorce_Men18/05/23 02:18 PM
2

Lawyer is the piece of mind Ha! That's a wonderful typo. Please don't correct it. Sometimes, a lawyer doesn't give you peace, and you end up giving them a piece of your mind.
/r/Divorce_Men17/05/23 05:03 PM
6

Wow, I can't believe I found the source. It took some time. It's from a website whose URL was sharedparentingalliance.org, but it's been offline for a while now. The original URL of the source was: http://www.sharedparentingalliance.org/files/documents/03_2017_LIBERATOR_Final.pdf But again, this document has been deleted. Google has no record. Thank God for The Wayback Machine. It contains this copy. The article is on Page 7. Actually, the entire document has some great articles worth reading.
/r/Divorce_Men17/05/23 04:58 PM
100

A long time ago, I copied something I found online. It's an essay called Why society completely misunderstands ‘checked-out dads’. The author was listed simply as "John G". I wish I could give proper credit; it's worth a read. If you're in rush, skip down to the paragraph that starts with a crossroads with four paths. From my own experiences, I believe it’s wide-spread for women to use children as a weapon to exact revenge against the ex during, and after, divorce proceedings. During my lengthy …
/r/Divorce_Men17/05/23 03:13 AM
1

I don't know why this got a downvote. I was thinking the same thing. In the 2005 film The Weather Man, the protagonist has a very bumpy family life. But he discovers archery and finds that it calms his nerves and improves his focus. He begins as a total novice, but eventually becomes an expert as he sorts out his family problems. It's just a metaphor, I get it. But it was an interesting device in the movie.
/r/Divorce_Men16/05/23 08:34 PM
7

I can't answer everything. But just a few comments. Did your lawyer run the numbers with your wife's income back at $65k? If not, why not? Your wife no doubt enjoys her life now. But she needs to accept the reality that she's going back to work full-time. If your wife insists she can't make $65k, consider hiring an occupational evaluator. This "stay-at-home-mom" excuse is bullshit if the youngest kid is 9. As for support.... here's what I saw...... $6000 plus $1500 is $7500 monthly. With a gross…
/r/Divorce_Men16/05/23 08:24 PM
3

We share many similar experiences. I often wondered at what point lawyers are behaving unethically to the extent that it's misconduct. Example: a VERY emotional woman wants a divorce and has allowed her reasoning to become overwhelmed with emotion. Some lawyers are good at spotting this vulnerability. And they know how to spin this woman into a frenzy, using the right pressure points and buzzwords and triggers. My ex's lawyer portrayed herself as a Guardian Angel, sent from Heaven, to correct ev…
/r/Divorce_Men16/05/23 08:07 PM
4

even things that are in law Wow, this sounds familiar. My sympathies. Some women are so obsessed with control in a divorce, they can't even think or reason. In my state, the law allows me a certain right as a parent. The right itself is irrelevant to the story, but the right is written in plain English in the state's law. It's not written in legalese; even non-lawyers can understand it. It's one sentence. It contains no ambiguity. Its meaning is plainly obvious. But when I tried to exercise that…
/r/Divorce_Men16/05/23 07:59 PM
1

Shave? An unexpected question. I'd say half shaved and half nicely trimmed. Kinda depends on how Westernized they are. Nowadays with porn, everyone knows that baldness is for women's crotches, not men's heads.
/r/Divorce_Men16/05/23 07:47 PM
1

I don’t understand how so many of you here ... don’t know how to set up a basic trust It's not that we don't know how to deal with an enemy. It's that most of us didn't realize we were.
/r/Divorce_Men16/05/23 06:42 PM
1

It’s not that family lawyers are inherently evil I disagree. How could someone go to work every day and tear children away from loving parents using claims they KNOW are false? How could they destroy families and still rest easy at night? I always think lawyers go into Family Law because the Nazis were not hiring. There's a reason there are metal detectors at the Family Court house entrances. No one wants to kill tax lawyers, or real estate lawyers, or probate lawyers. But Family Court lawyers? …
/r/Divorce_Men16/05/23 04:56 PM
1

“how can any of this be lawful?” Her response: “take it up with your state legislature.” I asked the same question. The answer I got was that divorce is "adversarial". I can see your lawyer's point -- to an extent. The state legislature is only partly to blame. When lawyers file motions that contain false claims, they directly become part of the problem.
/r/Divorce_Men16/05/23 04:53 PM
1

A quick 2-minute video clip... https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mjJKtyRZVV8
/r/Divorce_Men16/05/23 04:47 PM
11

I don't think it's worth it ... The experience was really weird ... I didn't even manage to climax ... I think you're doing it wrong. And, you're in Europe which makes everything ten times easier than the USA. My first professional was during my divorce. She was a 19-year old from Spain. No exaggeration, she could have been a model. Face of an angel and a flawless body. I had my share of good-looking women in the past, but wow, that was a fantasy-come-true. I still think about her sometimes. I r…
/r/Divorce_Men16/05/23 03:55 PM
2

Get residency in that new state... like AZ or TX That's not a bad idea. I've always heard that Texas has the LEAST generous laws when it comes to alimony. They expect women to work and become self-sufficient within a reasonable amount of time.
/r/Divorce_Men14/05/23 11:03 PM
2

Mexico ... they will extradite an American citizen for cs and or alimony His kid is a college senior; I don't think child support matters here. Can you cite your source on the alimony part? Failure to pay alimony is a civil matter. Extradition is for things like murder, rape, terrorism, drug trafficking. His biggest problem is moving all of his assets out of the US banking system. If he has a fat bank account or pension somewhere in the USA, the courts can just seize it no matter where he is. An…
/r/Divorce_Men14/05/23 10:56 PM
3

Alimony = 50% of the length of the marriage Quick math shows that you've been married about 26 years. My earlier post was a warning that some states see that as a "long-term" marriage, and the 50% rule won't apply. They could assign permanent alimony, especially if your wife is old and not expected to become self-sufficient. This is probably not going to help, but you need to get your wife thinking about getting a job. Part-time, anything. You'll be at a disadvantage if you go to court and she p…
/r/Divorce_Men14/05/23 10:41 PM
2

She is unmoved ... just plain LAZY I wish I had better news. But I've been in your shoes and so have many other men. That is, there's a cruel irony in divorce. If you're breaking-up with someone because they don't contribute financially, the courts make them EVEN MORE DEPENDENT on you. More than once, I've used the expression 'perverse incentive' to describe divorce doctrine. The more responsible you are, the more you're punished; the more lazy, the more rewarded.
/r/Divorce_Men14/05/23 10:35 PM
1

Upvote for the word gumption. An underappreciated contribution to the language. But for some reason, I always find myself adding "heart" to it. By way of example, "Not many people have the heart and the gumption to try this."
/r/Divorce_Men14/05/23 10:06 PM
7

My solution is walking audio books My brother! For years, an evening walk was my silent communion with God. I came to believe that a long walk can solve any problem. And what's the truth about life? Well, it depends on a good walk. What kind of audio books did you enjoy? I've got dozens, all converted to MP3. I can shoot you a few if you want. Self-help? History? Travel blogs? Biographies?
/r/Divorce_Men14/05/23 10:05 PM
3

Getting fing tired of the ex We're all adults here. I'm pretty sure you can saying fucking.
/r/Divorce_Men14/05/23 06:37 PM
8

Brother, I can relate to all of it. You certainly have my sympathy. My impression is 1) yes, you're about to enter a minefield and 2) how things go really depends on a lot of variables. A lawyer in your state could probably give you better advice. Traditionally, at least in SOME states, any marriage longer than 10 years was considered "long term", which meant permanent alimony. Many states have gotten rid of permanent alimony, but some states still have it. And, ultimately, it largely depends on…
/r/Divorce_Men14/05/23 06:09 PM
2

I get a call from a DC police officer I saw this line and alarm bells went off in my head. Brother! DO NOT TALK TO THE POLICE. I'm not a lawyer, but a lawyer will tell you the same. Do not think you can talk your way out of trouble. Do not assume the cops care about the truth. Do not think, just because you're innocent, you have nothing to fear. There is an EXCELLENT speech on YouTube, given by a criminal defense lawyer, explaining why you should exercise your Fifth Amendment right to remain sil…
/r/Divorce_Men12/05/23 09:38 PM
6

I wonder if your wife is getting her talking points from social media. I admit, when I'm bored, I lurk over on the 2X subreddit. Perhaps it's confirmation bias, but I often see women there confessing their true feelings about divorce, relationships, child custody and so on. (Spoiler: they always assume mom gets full custody when parents split; it doesn't even occur to them there could be another outcome.) Anyway, I realize that Feminism has taught generations of women that housework is beneath t…
/r/Divorce_Men12/05/23 09:18 PM
1

This is a great question and there is no easy answer. Although lots of people like to claim that child support is a simple formula, it's really not. Beware, this could be a minefield, so proceed with caution. In many ways, it depends on your wife, her lawyer, and the judge. That is, how greedy and agreeable are they? I'll give you a hypothetical: If a man has a steady job that pays the same every month, year after year, just use the previous year's W-2. Or perhaps the last three paystubs. But lo…
/r/Divorce_Men12/05/23 05:15 PM
3

A life well lived is the best revenge. There's no chance of that. sorry, but it's a funny line
/r/Divorce_Men10/05/23 02:01 AM
12

Sorry to hear it. If you've ever browsed /r/DeadBedrooms you can see that it's a widespread problem that sadly rarely ever gets better. And it NEVER gets better on its own. I think some women even 'dare' their husbands this way. As in, "You're going to get a DIVORCE and tear the family apart, just so you can get laid?" It's cruel and condescending, but it happens. It trivializes something important. A friend of mine told me that his wife was finally convinced to see a psychologist who suggested …
/r/Divorce_Men09/05/23 06:26 PM
1

Steel cage matches? Yeah, they work. How could they not work? If they didn't work, everybody would still be in the cage. -- Michael Scott
/r/Divorce_Men09/05/23 06:11 PM
5

covered up as hate/incel behavior It's really amazing how quickly 'incel' lost all of its original meaning, and now it's just a generic insult towards all disagreeable men. When I see woman using that term so carelessly, I suspect at least SOME of them have a degree in English or Communications. But, there's no nuance or subtlety in their language? It's like calling every single woman a 'bitch' with zero context.
/r/Divorce_Men09/05/23 06:10 PM
10

I used to joke that perjury doesn't exist in family courts. It got so bad for me -- I caught my ex-wife in several lies while she was testifying under oath and the judge did nothing -- I was tempted to tell the judge that I was a nine-foot tall elderly Chinese woman named Donald Trump -- and with my right hand raised, I swear to God that's true. You can lie all day long in family court. The judge just yawns. If the court has no integrity, then all it all means nothing. Unless you're a man lying …
/r/Divorce_Men09/05/23 06:06 PM
2

As for the dating stuff: yeah, it sucks to see. It might not help legally in court, but I'd save it as a backup somewhere. You never know when it could come in handy. You can always delete it later. But, if it's a gateway for intelligence, I'd keep it open and keep watching. Maybe one day some really useful, actionable intelligence will get posted there. Hey, I was told many times that divorce is an adversarial experience. That means it's war; you're in combat. Intelligence-gathering on the enem…
/r/Divorce_Men08/05/23 12:05 PM
3

I agree. Confusing post.
/r/Divorce_Men08/05/23 11:59 AM
2

she stresses she will contest it to "hurt me" ... Is there anything she can contest? Right now, no-fault divorce in Texas is getting negative attention (or positive attention, depending on your POV), mostly thanks to Steven Crowder. But others have been vocal about it. However, regardless of the noise, unilateral no-fault divorce is still the law in Texas. That means one person can start (and finish) the divorce without approval of the other side. You keep using the word "contest". Perhaps she t…
/r/Divorce_Men08/05/23 11:53 AM
1

You haven't mentioned money. And if you've been married for 18 years, the judge will probably consider yours to be a "long-term" marriage, even if you divorced today. But, maybe check your state laws. See if anything changes after 20 years. Perhaps it's a bright line that defines something, e.g.: lifetime alimony for the wife or something like that. In that case, you do have a ticking clock that conflicts with the idea of waiting around for the kids. Just one thought. Also, I'll iterate a commen…
/r/Divorce_Men07/05/23 06:13 PM
1

I don't know much about the church, but this sounds right, based on what I've seen. Perhaps 100 years ago, this formula would have worked. So, in some ways, I can respect the old ideas. But, we have to live in today's reality. I don't think this idea is restricted to any church. That is, when society has a high-momentum, high-profile young man on its hands, they make him feel nine feet tall and invincible and most urgently: a bachelor. I look at the service academies such as West Point and the N…
/r/Divorce_Men07/05/23 05:51 PM
0

LOL? Is this funny to you? OP is clearly hurting, and your reply is LOL?
/r/Divorce_Men07/05/23 05:25 PM
2

as awful as that sounds It was my first thought, too.
/r/Divorce_Men07/05/23 05:24 PM
0

At the very least, take some time to look at examples that have already been written by lawyers: https://www.google.com/search?q=example+custody+agreement You can see things like decision-making, school and extracurricular events, transportation for exchanges, and so on. For some men, and especially depending on their ex-wives, you need a section that deals with non-compliance (e.g.: your wife is an hour late dropping off the kids, or won't pay for something, etc). But, the more teeth you put in…
/r/Divorce_Men07/05/23 05:21 PM
1

An order? What does that mean?
/r/Divorce_Men06/05/23 07:18 PM
1

Just let her lawyer know you got a new bank account What? Why? Unless there's a court order specifically telling him to do so, why would help the opposition? Why not send the opposing lawyer a letter entitled: Here Is Exactly How To Hurt Me. Divorce is an adversarial experience. It's combative. Let the other side do their own investigation.
/r/Divorce_Men06/05/23 07:16 PM
17

to see if my apartment is acceptable to her standard Brother! Seriously! Unless it's court-ordered, she'll just have to take your word for it that you know what's best for your kids. First, giving into this 'game' gives her the sense that she's an authority with veto rights. Stop that shit right quick. Don't let her start assuming she's an authority. Second, think about her "rating": it will range from acceptable to unacceptable. It's not like she's going to give you a 5-star rating and you'll g…
/r/Divorce_Men04/05/23 11:07 PM
1

I haven't checked out r/childsupport It's not bad every day. But there's definitely a bias. The mods there really set the tone. One of them is /u/AudreyTwoToo and she'll ban you (like she did me) for simply pointing out the prevailing idea that moms automatically get custody and child support. Hence my username; just fucking with her a little bit. By far, /r/TwoXChromosomes is the worst offended for assuming that women ALWAYS get custody and ALWAYS get child support. In fact, when Roe v. Wade wa…
/r/Divorce_Men04/05/23 11:01 PM
6

Of course you can talk to a lawyer, one hour at a time, and only be billed as-you-go. The lawyer might pressure you to make a retainer, but any legit lawyer will offer advice by the hour. Of course, if you don't retain the lawyer, he can't file any motions on your behalf or represent you in any way, e.g.: you can't ever shout, "Talk to my lawyer!" in an argument. If you're going one hour at a time, unrepresented, all you can really do it talk to him in private in his office. But that's a lot. He…
/r/Divorce_Men04/05/23 07:13 PM
2

This is odd. At what point was there a court order to pay? I'm just wondering... sometimes a woman will FILE paperwork, but several months go by before there's a court order. Men can be liable for those several months. But I've never seen a judge disregard any voluntary payments made during those several months. Is that what happened to you?
/r/Divorce_Men04/05/23 04:45 PM
1

OFW tracks money? I thought it only tracked text messages and a shared calendar and so forth? I guess you could write, "I sent you money yesterday", but that doesn't really PROVE anything, does it? I mean, if you're asked to prove that you sent money?
/r/Divorce_Men04/05/23 04:42 PM
1

I'll add something that no one else has mentioned: you aren't legally liable for anything that hasn't been ordered by a court. That takes SOME pressure off. All these comments saying that your previous payments "won't count" aren't really relevant. They won't "count" in any case because there is no court order. There is one note: If she files for child support, you CAN be liable for support payments all the way back to the date she files. Sometimes, several months go by between her filing and th…
/r/Divorce_Men04/05/23 04:40 PM
6

But so what? That won't matter to a judge. And it's not like the wife in this situation is going run right out and get 'cured' so she can go back to work to support herself.
/r/Divorce_Men03/05/23 03:51 PM
6

What strikes me the most is asking for $4k a month in alimony based on the sudden success of the business. It's my experience that when a man's income fluctuates but needs to be established, the court and/or the opposing lawyer will use whatever formula generates the highest number. E.g.: Should we look at the last three paystubs? Or last year's W-2? Or the average of the last three years? All the time, men come here saying their income varies; sometimes they get a big bonus or lots of overtime.…
/r/Divorce_Men03/05/23 03:50 PM
-1

The article cited by OP specifically says, "Christine is not asking for spousal support." That particular line is not attributed to anyone. But the article does indeed attribute other claims to lawyers or agents. In fact, I originally wrote, "The article says...". I did not originally write, "I am an authority on pre-nups."
/r/Divorce_Men03/05/23 03:40 PM
7

The article says there's a pre-nup, and she won't get alimony. So, at least there's that.
/r/Divorce_Men03/05/23 01:45 AM
3

always this expensive??? Unfortunately, yes. Transcripts are cheap to create (like $200 per day). I think where they make their money is re-creating testimony. Once, I asked how much it would cost to have something my ex said in court written out. I forget the amount, but I was shocked. It was explained to me that re-creating testimony is very labor intensive; it's apparently not easy to just pick out a single sentence from hours of testimony. I guess it boils down to how much you really need th…
/r/Divorce_Men03/05/23 01:42 AM
7

No-brainer. No kids = no child support or custody fight. Three-year marriage = minimal to zero alimony. Marriage problems never fix themselves. You're 31; plenty of time to start over. You don't get a prize for merely tolerating your marriage. Two drowning people is not an improvement over one drowning person. For the Love of God, whatever you do, don't get her pregnant.
/r/Divorce_Men01/05/23 11:39 PM
3

I'm with /u/realitycheckmate13 -- if you want the very best of the best, you'll end up paying dearly to some doofus like this. My suggestion: Sometimes it's easy to do research, sometimes not. But if you can find out the name of the judge, try to research which lawyers he's worked with in the past. In fact, Google the judge's name to see if he previously worked in a local firm, and if so, with whom? And Google the opposing lawyer's name to try to learn everything you can. What you often CANNOT s…
/r/Divorce_Men01/05/23 12:24 AM
3

Wow, does this sound familiar. Sorry you're in the shit, brother. At this pace we will spend [it all on legal fees] There could be other reasons, but for my ex-wife, she had an attorney who advertised herself as an aggressive lawyer who was worth the money. The lawyer convinced my ex that "justice" (or "revenge" or whatever word she wanted to hear) was available through litigation, and the cost was necessary. The lawyer also assured my ex that THEY could sue ME for HER legal fees. In the end, th…
/r/Divorce_Men25/04/23 11:04 PM
2

This is a really good question. I don't know the answer (sorry), and I won't even try to guess. But can you keep us updated? I'm no lawyer. But I'm tempted to say 'yes' -- you'll get a default judgment if the other side does not answer. Of course, I'm thinking of something like small claims court. If I sued you for $1000 and you never replied, I would win automatically. But when there's custody of a child involved, I think a judge would be more careful and be overly-cautious to be sure the other…
/r/Divorce_Men25/04/23 01:25 PM
5

50% of marriages end in divorce I just realized that this means 50% of divorces end in death. Death or divorce: take your pick.
/r/Divorce_Men25/04/23 06:39 AM
1

Brother, make time for your dad. This divorce shit will come and go. But someday soon, you'll be wishing you could have just one more hour with your dad.
/r/Divorce_Men25/04/23 03:23 AM
1

I like Bill Burr's stand-up routine about marriage (years ago, before he himself found a Unicorn and got married).... He asked if people would still go skydiving if 50% of parachutes didn't open. His delivery is a lot better than mine, but that was the joke.
/r/Divorce_Men25/04/23 03:22 AM
1

I bet I know what happened. In my experience, my ex's lawyer started out by calculating my support payment (with her thumb on the scale, but that's another story). She came up with an exact number for a support payment. I can't remember the number, but it was something specific, like $6537.10 per month. But then, she needed to file an affidavit with the court that shows her total financial situation, including her monthly budget. Obviously, to make their case, my ex's total monthly expenses just…
/r/Divorce_Men25/04/23 03:11 AM
1

Well, first of all, deployment and PCS are two very different things. I'm sure you know that. If the mom is being deployed temporarily to Djibouti or Syria or some other shithole, then clearly, the kid isn't going anywhere. Second, I'm sure you're not the first person to go through this. By any chance, are you still on friendly terms with the mom? It seems like someone in the military would already know the answer, like some crusty old Chief Petty Officer or First Sergeant. If you know any, ask …
/r/Divorce_Men25/04/23 03:02 AM
1

OP, I am sympathetic. I know how rough the situation can get. But I have to ask -- 25% of your net? If that's that case, for two kids, you're actually doing okay. Lots of men pay 25% (or more) of their GROSS pay. Then, some pay alimony on top of that. After taxes, there truly can be nothing left. Maybe it's time to put dating on hold and find a second part-time job somewhere that pays cash? At least for a few months so you can get your head above water.
/r/Divorce_Men25/04/23 02:56 AM
3

Just a comment to say, wow, you printed your documents at home with your own printer? I measured my divorce paperwork in POUNDS, not pages. I always went to a place like Kinko's. Let them print it on one of their bulk printers. /u/jimsmythee is probably right; it's one more reason for a gubmint employee to refuse you service.
/r/Divorce_Men23/04/23 09:50 PM
12

she has them 55% of the time Just curious, which state? I was shocked to learn that some states (New York is apparently a big offender) don't really factor-in the number of overnights or the actual percentage. Instead, there's a "custodian parent" and a "non-custodian". Basically, a winner and a loser. I've seen men in here before complain that they have 49% custody, but they're still slammed for support as if they had zero percent custody. In other words, some states won't pro-rate child suppor…
/r/Divorce_Men23/04/23 09:39 PM
4

Literally said there was never any good moments in the marriage. Not one. Wow, I guess it's good(?) to know I wasn't alone. Same conversation with my ex. I knew she had her own version of history. But wow, it kinda blew me away to hear it. She and I had children together, raised them, bought houses, took vacations, took care of each other in sickness, shared countless meals, jokes, dreams, plans. We have photos of wonderful holidays and happy moments. Of course, it wasn't a perfect marriage. Whe…
/r/Divorce_Men22/04/23 06:33 PM
23

I'll add to this: God Bless the internet and the technology that makes such a forum possible. Old Dude here. Growing up, of course, there was no internet. As a young man, you probably heard jokes of bitter old divorced men complaining about "losing half" of their money. You also wondered why some divorced dads seem to disappear from their children's lives, and we just assumed they didn't care. Being raised by a single mom was very normal. But they were just abstract jokes and observations; as a …
/r/Divorce_Men20/04/23 07:11 PM
6

It all depends on how reasonable your SBXW is Came here to say the same. It all boils down to this. My ex started off with the idea for a collaborative divorce. But as soon as she realized it would require some compromise, she went right to a lawyer who promised her everything she wanted. It doesn't take much. To me, it seems that 'collaborative divorce' is a delicate, complex structure: hard to build, a marvel to admire, but all it takes is one small budge, and it all falls down. All you need i…
/r/Divorce_Men19/04/23 07:56 PM
2

I just commented elsewhere in the thread about your handling of the police. Then I saw your username. I'm no lawyer, but I'd argue that the 4th and 5th Amendments are squarely on your side here.
/r/Divorce_Men19/04/23 06:45 PM
1

You can ignore your ex but not the police Why can't you ignore the police? Serious question. If they have an arrest warrant or search warrant or a warrant to seize the kids, that's one thing (and they'll forcibly let themselves in). But if they come to your house and "just want to talk", you're under no obligation to talk to them. You don't have to answer any questions or help them with their investigation. Of course, I'm one of those men who really believes in the Fourth and Fifth Amendments; t…
/r/Divorce_Men19/04/23 06:43 PM
5

That's great news that the PO was denied. All you ever hear is that they are routinely rubber-stamped. If it were me, I'd seize on her perjury. At the next hearing, I would remind the judge early and often that she has a reputation for being untruthful and manipulating the court. As for the kids being far away, it all depends on what's been ordered. If she's violating a court order, that's a One-Two Punch as far as I can see: she's violating court orders because her lies didn't work. Again, I'd …
/r/Divorce_Men18/04/23 05:53 PM
-5

Good for you. For me, I'd choke that bitch if I ever saw her again.
/r/Divorce_Men18/04/23 05:48 PM
2

it['s] illegal. Well that sucks. So? There's a 99% chance she will commit perjury during the divorce. That's illegal, but no one cares. What's also true is that divorce is an adversarial experience. It's combat; it's war. If you can secure an unfair advantage, you'd be stupid NOT to take it. pray she agrees Hope is a great breakfast but a terrible dinner.
/r/Divorce_Men18/04/23 04:00 AM
13

I’m pretty certain she wouldn’t go for 100% custody "I'm pretty sure Hitler will stop after he takes Poland." -- Belgium, 1940
/r/Divorce_Men18/04/23 03:58 AM
1

am I getting ripped off ... ? Without knowing your gross, it's hard to say. But yeah, if you have 50% custody and your ex has a decent income, that does seem lopsided. Ideally -- and this is a stretch! -- mom and dad have nearly the same income and 50/50 custody, and therefore no CS money changes hands at all. Anyway, I wish I had more hopeful news for you. But I've concluded that CS modification is like Bigfoot: some people believe it exists but no one can prove it. There have been significant …
/r/Divorce_Men17/04/23 06:44 PM
2

But when you Google my name, guess what pops up? Sucks, man. I can't say I've been there. But I can imagine. Is there no way to get the records scrubbed by a judge if you were proven truly innocent? I'm no lawyer, and I might be talking out of my ass. But years ago, I thought I remember someone having a "Certificate of Innocence". Suppose a man is arrested for a violent crime, but it's later shown that he's 100% innocent and the cops were mistaken; there is irrefutable evidence he was somewhere …
/r/Divorce_Men17/04/23 06:27 PM
12

double standard Absolutely. Two quick stories. I posted something relatively harmless and legally useless on social media during my divorce. It wasn't even in a place where my ex could see it (e.g. it wasn't on Facebook while we were Friends, nothing like that). She must have dug deep to find it. Anyway, she assembled WITNESSES to testify at our trial about what I'd written. I still don't know why a screen shot would not have sufficed. And I still don't know what they intended to prove. But they…
/r/Divorce_Men17/04/23 06:20 PM
5

need to take a trip out to Germany Man, I'm telling you, there is something about northern Germany. At least, for me. There's a stretch of land from Cologne to Berlin (includes Dusseldorf, Dortmund, Hanover, Bremen, Hamburg) where the women are beautiful, abundant, clean, English-speaking and affordable. Travel by train within this region is easy. I could stay there for a month. Even from home, you can look at escort sites from any of these cities; just Google "[city] escorts" and there are page…
/r/Divorce_Men16/04/23 09:36 PM
1

Did you see the last line in OP's post? He did mention it.
/r/Divorce_Men16/04/23 06:24 PM
10

not interested in hiring a hooker because it's illegal and feels wrong After my divorce, I was walking around with a great deal of tension, anxiety and a big mess of conflicting emotions in my head. In addition to simply being a red-blooded heterosexual man with drive, sex is a great way to release tension. For a couple of years, I was hitting the hooker circuit pretty hard, maybe a little too hard. "It feels wrong"? Are you kidding? I've had some amazing sex with very attractive young women who…
/r/Divorce_Men16/04/23 06:17 PM
9

A good friend of mine from high school was a nice guy, but honestly, kinda ugly and geeky; he didn't belong to any of the "cool" clubs. He came from a poor family. Definitely not an Alpha. But he was oddly confident with women and actually had a small body count while still in high school, the first among my friends to be sexually active. Kinda remarkable. At 21, he married a girl who I thought was slightly out of his league. I joked that she must have lost a bet. And getting married at 21 was n…
/r/Divorce_Men15/04/23 05:33 PM
5

Someone with true narcissistic or sociopathic tendencies will appear to you however you want to see them, and you won't even realize it. It's one of their skills. She is like the original confidence tricksters: if you want someone who's a sympathetic SAHM type, she'll be a sympathetic SAHM type (at least for a while). If you want someone who will bring you lasagna for lunch, she'll bring you lasagna for lunch. If you want someone who's loud and funny and social, they can be all of those things, …
/r/Divorce_Men09/04/23 02:04 PM
2

parasitic on emotions My ex's lawyer calls herself a "pain sponge". She actually uses that expression in her marketing material. She loves emotional clients, and promises them the Sun, Moon and Stars.
/r/Divorce_Men08/04/23 05:12 PM
1

When I realized how much my ex was spending on her lawyer, and confronted her, she casually said, "We're going to sue you for my legal fees. So it's all free for me." Said with a smile and total indifference. Now, maybe if you're sitting on a $1MM nest egg, there could be some truth to the threat. But in my case, I was putting my lawyer on a credit card. We didn't have a huge nest egg. They just look at you like you're a bottomless pit of money. Totally delusional. Anyway, OP, it made me wonder …
/r/Divorce_Men08/04/23 05:10 PM
2

When I began to see myself identified as "The Defendant" in court documents, I insisted that I instead be called "The Resistance". I thought it was funny, but no one cared. OP, I agree on "visitation". Prisoners get visitation. A father with visitation is, by definition, A VISITOR in his children's lives. There was a study, but I'm too lazy to go look for it now, that said men who had the "standard possession order" (God, I hate that phrase), which is every other weekend, tend to fall out of the…
/r/Divorce_Men08/04/23 05:04 PM
1

I filed a few motions as Pro Se. I had a lawyer once tell me that I had written the best motions he's seen for a non-lawyer. One of my motions was immediately granted by the court. I like to think it's because it was so compelling. I know that SOME of my motions have been a pain in the ass to the opposing lawyer. But some were laughed at. However, I will add a few things: It took me a LONG time to get some sense of how the game is played. I did a lot of research before I wrote a motion. I often …
/r/Divorce_Men07/04/23 05:27 PM
1

You know why divorce is so expensive? Because it's worth it. Such a refreshingly brilliant, insightful and totally original observation. You should copyright that phrase before some scoundrel steals it.
/r/Divorce_Men07/04/23 05:18 PM
13

... paying for everything and get[ting] zero respect ... I know where you're coming from. Long story but my ex-wife and I got into serious financial trouble during our marriage. Being the "man" (whatever that means anymore), I volunteered for dangerous overseas work that yielded a million dollars in four years. Sure, I bought a few nice things for myself. But the bulk of it went to bail-out and protect THE FAMILY. For a while, I felt like a legit man: a provider who makes sacrifices to take care…
/r/Divorce_Men06/04/23 05:59 PM
2

You're not being unreasonable. You have a natural and God-given right to enjoy the company of your own children, backed-up by US federal law, the US Constitution and US Supreme Court precedent. Don't let her re-define the "best interests of the children". But, I will warn you of what probably comes next. Well, maybe. I don't know your ex, but mine was crazy. She was fine with overseas visitation until we started disagreeing about something else. Then, suddenly, I was accused of conspiring to kid…
/r/Divorce_Men05/04/23 05:06 PM
2

That sounds like the marketing blurb on the evaluator's brochures. The real world is not so clean-cut.
/r/Divorce_Men05/04/23 04:57 PM
2

I don't have a lot of data points. But from what I've seen, the judge usually goes along with a recommendation. Another sinister aspect that I witnessed: the evaluator (in my case, a GAL) works for a living and needs to be approved by the court. If they want repeat business from the court, intentionally or not, some start to submit reports they think the judge wants to see. Think about it, what evaluator is going to make a recommendation they know the judge will hate? They won't get approved aga…
/r/Divorce_Men05/04/23 04:56 PM
1

You already have a lawyer. Why do you think someone here has better advice? If your lawyer has no experience with support payments and splitting assets from an LLC, then you should probably consult with a tax attorney or an asset protection attorney who does know these things. One small bit of advice: if you talk to outside counsel, be sure they're LAWYERS and not just accountants or tax professionals. If they're lawyers, you'll have attorney-client privilege. They could never testify against yo…
/r/Divorce_Men04/04/23 10:25 PM
10

I am stupid friendly to them Why? I'd print the letters out into big posters and hang them in the living room to make every super uncomfortable.
/r/Divorce_Men04/04/23 05:44 AM
1

the court's not going to police her chats with neighbors Exactly. Criminalizing speech between adults is a very tough uphill battle in the face of the First Amendment.
/r/Divorce_Men04/04/23 05:42 AM
4

Been there. A few thoughts. 1) How many years ago? The opposing lawyer can ask for anything. They can ASK. But if it's more than two years, you can argue that it's irrelevant. 2) This is the worst idea, but still, an idea. You could redact the information. Have you ever seen on the news when the military releases a Top Secret document, but someone has crossed-out certain lines with a Sharpie? Kinda like that, but OBVIOUSLY, it draws attention. You can argue it's irrelevant, but then they'll try …
/r/Divorce_Men04/04/23 05:31 AM
3

Sorry, man. You know, on other forums, like women's subreddits and other divorce subreddits, lately I've seen an increase in the claim that men almost always get 50/50, and that it's a "myth" that courts are unfair to dads. They openly say that men who SIMPLY ASK for custody will get it. And they imply that a dad without 50/50 must be lazy, incompetent or uncaring. Some people really live in an alternate Universe. I didn't fight to the extent that you fought. But it's amazing that some people re…
/r/Divorce_Men03/04/23 11:43 PM
3

if it ain't broke, don't fix it This really sums it up, OP. I had the same issue, but for me, money was the bigger issue. I was handed an unfair support order at the Pendente Lite hearing. I struggled to make the payments, sometimes putting them on a credit card. I was assured by my incompetent lawyer that my final hearing was my "second bite at the apple" where I could get support payments reduced. At the final hearing, the judge didn't care that I was struggling to make the payments. All he sa…
/r/Divorce_Men03/04/23 11:39 PM
1

Me endlessly compromising to my wife's every whim Yeah, been there. See my comment. For me, I let things slide to the point that we were living where it was fun and convenient for her, near her friends and family (and her "friends", of course, turned out to be angry lesbians that hated me). But she was unemployed. I was the only one working; I was paying for everything and commuting long distances. When I suggested that we move to another nearby city WHERE THE JOBS ARE, so said no.
/r/Divorce_Men03/04/23 11:31 PM
3

Lots of things, of course. But the straw that broke the camel's back was two things that sorta merged into one. First: unwilling to compromise. Not talking about petty shit like what color to paint the bathroom. I'm talking major decisions a married couple has to make that shape their future. I thought I had made PLENTY of compromises, living and working where it was convenient and fun for her, not me, even though she was unemployed. But she wouldn't bend at all to help me. Second: I lost that f…
/r/Divorce_Men03/04/23 11:22 PM
3

1950s ... mentality ... that all women cannot fend for themselves Very true. It kinda hurts to see videos from courtrooms around the country (plenty of hearings are on YouTube) where the judge is young, progressive, believes in shared custody, and seems to really want a solution that allows dad to be a functioning co-parent. My judge was a million years old. He was actually a retired judge, but would come back to work as a "contractor" when things got busy. Old as fuck. And I'm sure everything h…
/r/Divorce_Men02/04/23 03:25 PM
1

https://law.lis.virginia.gov/vacode/title18.2/chapter8/section18.2-365/ Class 4 misdemeanor in VA.
/r/Divorce_Men02/04/23 03:16 PM
2

The eighties? Try the sixties, pal. You're a little late. Reagan was President in the 1980s. He was governor of California in the 1960s. And I'm not sure if you're trying to put a political spin on the issue (because lots of people LOVE to point out that a CONSERVATIVE governor passed what turned-out to be a LIBERAL policy). But.... 1) Back then, all divorces were "at-fault". And fault had to be proven. A woman could be stuck in a horribly abusive marriage and have no way out. "No-fault" was see…
/r/Divorce_Men02/04/23 03:11 PM
3

No, Reagan was governor of California at the time, not President. And while one state can't control another state, California set the tone for the rest of the nation. California was first then it spread.
/r/Divorce_Men02/04/23 03:05 PM
22

I don't know if age has anything to do with this. Old Dude here. I remember the days before cell phones when couples would actually have to enjoy each other's company when on a date. I go out to eat in restaurants and I see couples -- mostly young couples, but really, couples of all ages -- where they just sit at the table, each one nose-down in their phone, doom-scrolling, never talking, never looking at each other. And I'm thinking, wow, glad it's not me. I don't care how good looking she is. …
/r/Divorce_Men01/04/23 03:48 PM
9

"Plus, I read the Wikipedia page on narcissism. So, I'm pretty much an expert."
/r/Divorce_Men31/03/23 01:04 AM
20

Asking for more than 100% of my take-home pay in support payments. Lawyers can't math.
/r/Divorce_Men30/03/23 08:53 PM
13

"My ex husband is a narcissist, my therapist and my Tarot cards and my best friend said so." FTFY.
/r/Divorce_Men30/03/23 08:51 PM
1

When vetting a woman ... I won't re-marry. But, if I were vetting a woman now ... 1) Don't show me your Instagram, show me your credit report. 2) You're an Aires? Cool. But do you have herpes? 3) If I ask for your body count and you tell me to 'fuck off', thank you. 4) What's the last book you read? 5) Can you name all of the main characters in Sex in the City? 6) Would you let me look at your phone for 10 minutes? 7) Do you know how many pairs of shoes you own? Even rounded to the nearest 10? 8…
/r/Divorce_Men30/03/23 05:49 PM
10

I wish I could upvote this more than once. I love the Schwab quote. It was certainly true a generation ago.
/r/Divorce_Men29/03/23 08:51 PM
14

I love the fact that your post contains no details. Yet, most men understand it completely. True story: Many years ago, I was visiting a beach town on vacation. I couldn't sleep one night, so I went for a walk. The beach had a nice beach park with a walking path and benches. I was walking alone through the beach park and walked past a bench where there was a young man sitting with a young woman. As I walked by, I could only hear one thing. The young man was asking, "He's just a friend, right?" T…
/r/Divorce_Men29/03/23 08:42 PM
2

my wife just left me, what do you think you can do that will hurt me? Reminds me. The comedian Sam Kinison joked about a divorced man who goes to Hell. When he arrives, the Devil tries to terrify him. Unmoved, the man tells the Devil he's divorced. Suddenly, the Devil drops his terrifying act, shows the man sympathy, and asks him if he wants a job in Hell. https://youtu.be/lhiWwa69YBg?t=43
/r/Divorce_Men29/03/23 03:25 PM
1

Why can't you just pursue a no-fault divorce? And honestly, sir, as much as your complaints might be valid, I discount it when women try the "emotional abuse" argument. It basically boils down to "my spouse hurt my feelings". After some churning, this becomes, "I'm being victimized and traumatized by an abusive husband", and finally, "I'm a abuse survivor". They love that word "abuse"; they love the narrative that they are victims. My ex tried that shit. She tried to play it like everything I di…
/r/Divorce_Men29/03/23 03:19 PM
3

You can't go no-contact when you have kids I laughed a little at this. I get your point. But, if the parent who wants no-contact has all the power, they absolutely can have it their way. I'm at the point where everything -- and I mean EVERYTHING -- has to go through lawyers. My ex has a rich mom who pays her legal bills, and her lawyers tell her to deny me everything and say nothing. After a while, it wears me down.
/r/Divorce_Men29/03/23 03:12 PM
1

I'm pretty sure Mark Twain was using a metaphor. He isn't really known for being an expert on canine eating behaviors. Let me guess, you're one of those people who says, "AKTUALLY...." at parties.
/r/Divorce_Men27/03/23 05:27 PM
1

My gut reaction (not a legal opinion!) is that you could end up in front of an old fashioned judge who concludes: Mom and the kids are doing just fine in the house. So, why change anything? So, the judge proceeds under the idea that you need to somehow finance his plan meanwhile finding your own place to live. Of course, the law requires equitable division, so how the other stuff gets split will all revolve around the house. I guess my point is that it may not be up to you to decide what gets sp…
/r/Divorce_Men26/03/23 03:40 PM
4

saved her from essentially being homeless Mark Twain said the difference between a man and a dog is that a homeless dog won't bite you if you feed it.
/r/Divorce_Men26/03/23 03:33 PM
2

From my own experience, I'd say a lot depends on their budget for lawyers and willingness to abuse the courts, too. Sure, a hard-core narcissist can create a lot of damage even without a lawyer. But, with a lawyer, it's a nightmare. My ex-wife has a rich mom who can outspend me if I ever try to get any relief with the courts. I told her once she's like a monkey with a machine gun. And it's true. Someone who's petty, selfish, short-sighted, destructive, careless and clueless -- with a fully-autom…
/r/Divorce_Men25/03/23 04:55 AM
6

Ha. Great timing. I saw some women discussing this book on Reddit. Of course, they didn't read it. They didn't even read the abstract. They only knew the name of the book and the author, and took it as rage-bait. E.g.: assumed it was a book of hate that contends all women deserve less, all the time, simply for being women. Then they call the author an "incel". I realize money isn't the only indicator of success, but the guy has accumulated a nice little nest egg for himself, given his age. Plus,…
/r/Divorce_Men24/03/23 08:10 AM
1

Did the opposing lawyer send you a copy? If not, you could argue it was an Ex parte hearing, which may carry some legal liabilities. I'm no lawyer, but there's a reason why most hearings are NOT with just one party and the judge. You need the opportunity to be heard as well. Some Ex parte hearings are valid, but there has to be a good reason for it. Do you have a lawyer? If not, well, then.... hmmmm, not sure. Perhaps ask the court to take "judicial notice" that the opposing lawyer is attempting…
/r/Divorce_Men24/03/23 08:03 AM
0

I wanted to add to my own post: When I'm not actively using Bitcoin, I securely destroy my wallet. Okay, when I want to spend Bitcoin, I use the recovery seed to completely re-create my wallet on my laptop. It takes time. It's not convenient. But when I'm done, I use secure "wiping" software to obliterate the configuration files. This way, if my laptop is ever lost, stolen, copied, hacked -- OR SUBPOENAED -- there is no wallet. My wallet exists nowhere, except anonymously in the blockchain.
/r/Divorce_Men22/03/23 03:24 PM
1

I speak from experience. Really. Several years ago, Bitcoin was largely traded between individuals, not institutions or brokerages. There were (and still are a few) websites out there where you can find individuals willing to buy/sell BTC. In fact, it's become a cottage industry for some people: to run a private money exchange out of their bedroom. There are people who will accept cash, crypto, PayPal, cash apps, money orders, bank deposits, even Amazon or American Express Gift cards and other t…
/r/Divorce_Men22/03/23 03:08 PM
2

Is it a bad idea do just drive up there and knock on the door and just ask to see the kids If it really is high-conflict, this is what will happen next in that scenario. She'll tell her lawyer that you came to the house angry and drunk, flashed a handgun, and threatened to kidnap the kids. Then, she'll call the cops and tell them the same. She'll use it all as ammunition to get a restraining order ("We're afraid of him!"). Having a hidden camera and microphone will be your only defense. Assume i…
/r/Divorce_Men19/03/23 01:17 PM
2

I was reading an article about this bill. Someone mentioned that it's harder to remove a nuisance barking dog from a neighborhood than it is to remove a father from a child's life. Interesting point.
/r/Divorce_Men19/03/23 01:11 PM
2

https://lifeisbeautiful.org/statistics-on-fatherless-homes/ There's a website out there that has nothing but statistics about fatherless kids. Can't find it for some reason. But if you Google "statistics fatherless children", there are plenty of other sources.
/r/Divorce_Men19/03/23 01:09 PM
2

I didn't do this. But I wish I had. I had too much faith in the judge. I brought evidence to court to show that my STBX had worked in the past. I had tax records and bank statements. She wasn't sick or disabled. She was still able to work in her field. But she quit her job before the divorce and came to court claiming to be unemployed and unemployable. I showed my evidence and ASSUMED (ha!) the judge would see through her bullshit. But, nope, he imputed minimum wage to her despite that she previ…
/r/Divorce_Men19/03/23 01:05 PM
2

What's very revealing is that whenever a state tries to pass default 50/50, look at who opposes it: Women's groups. And who's pushing it: Men's groups. A lot of women today believe that the bias against men in family court is a myth, and they'll even cite some confusing 'statistics' to 'prove' that men get as much custody as they want. But their conclusions don't pass the sniff test. They can never explain the lopsided support for 50/50 bills.
/r/Divorce_Men19/03/23 12:32 PM
1

knowing the risks Exactly. IF you know the risks. Most don't. There should be more education before you're allowed to get married. Do you really think some 22-year old who's madly in love is thinking, "Gee, I'd like to enter into a contract with the government that could potentially ruin my life"?
/r/Divorce_Men19/03/23 12:15 PM
3

I haven't read the article yet. But I've heard of this in other cases. Men are sometimes ordered to get life insurance policies on themselves so alimony is paid even if they die. Here's what's even crazier. A few years ago, there was a case in Canada. At his divorce, a man was ordered to pay his ex-wife $1000 a month for 40 months (something like that). He paid the first month. But then the woman died. The man figured he was off-the-hook and stopped paying. But the woman's estate sued him for th…
/r/Divorce_Men19/03/23 12:12 PM
1

http://www.realworlddivorce.com/DomesticViolence Just reading the first few paragraphs tells it all.
/r/Divorce_Men19/03/23 12:00 PM
1

i make 160k compared to 37k (her) Sorry it's all happening, brother. I agree with the other comments, but I'll regretfully add this, regarding your incomes. With such a huge differential in your incomes, there will be enormous pressure to get rid of you. It sucks, but that's how the system works. What I mean is this: Of course, your wife wants the biggest award she can get. But so does the state, at least for child support. Look up Title IV-D if you want the specifics, but it benefits everyone (…
/r/Divorce_Men19/03/23 11:58 AM
4

Wow, dude, wall of text. You could have distilled this a little. I didn't read it all, but the most recent issues are typical: the alienation, the lies, the lack of comms. Lots of dads will experience that. Falsely accusing sexual abuse is hard-core, there's no doubt about it. Most women will just falsely accuse some sort of physical abuse (but not violent enough to leave evidence, so everyone just needs to take her word for it). Do men still maintain contact? Some do. If you have the money for …
/r/Divorce_Men17/03/23 03:02 PM
1

Sorry you're getting downvoted. Maybe the Christian thing is turning people off. If the Bible resonates with you, that's great. But I would encourage others to read what resonates and energizes them. Another great book is As a Man Thinketh. It's more than 100 years old, so the copyright has expired and you can surely find it for free online. Daily Prayer For me, a silent communion with God. No asking God for favors. No words. In fact, no thoughts at all. Kind of an Eastern philosophy, but if you…
/r/Divorce_Men16/03/23 12:47 PM
2

My experience: I needed help during my divorce. I was feeling loneliness, guilt, anger, sadness, and many other emotions, all thrown together. I found a nearby therapist. A woman, had a Ph.D in clinical psychology, all the right certificates, nice office, etc. She was nice. And she asked some important questions. But she wanted me to read some books. I was eager to give it a try, so I downloaded them from amazon right away. I can't remember the titles, but they were all sorta summarized with: Yo…
/r/Divorce_Men16/03/23 12:36 PM
1

I'm surprised to hear you say this. Normally, I agree with your comments.
/r/Divorce_Men14/03/23 04:45 PM
5

She’s never yours, it’s just your turn. The sooner you realize that the better off you’ll be. But it's a very depressing realization. When you're a young man experiencing romantic love for the first few times, it's a tough thing to swallow.
/r/Divorce_Men14/03/23 04:27 PM
8

it was in the past When you meet a new girl, tell her you once spent some time in prison for rape. But emphasize "it was in the past". Let's see how she reacts.
/r/Divorce_Men14/03/23 04:25 PM
1

A few thoughts, in no particular order.... 1) Herpes. The more partners, the more exposure. It's simple math. She can lie about having it. Or perhaps she doesn't know she has it. You can insist on a test before unprotected sex, but she can lie about that, too. Unless you actually follow her to the clinic and watch her pee into a tube or take blood or whatever (and THAT would be romantic!), you'll never really know. 2) The more partners, the more she's learned about sex from the kind of men who h…
/r/Divorce_Men14/03/23 04:18 PM
1

In OP's particular case? I don't know. Probably not. I only took issue with your blanket statement that subpoenas cannot be quashed.
/r/Divorce_Men12/03/23 04:25 PM
1

She can’t quash a subpoena which is a court order She most certainly can quash a subpoena. If the lawyer is good and they make a good argument, they absolutely can have court orders reversed. I've seen it happen.
/r/Divorce_Men11/03/23 02:56 PM
3

Sympathies, OP. I've been through this wringer before. we have "no authority to issue a subpoena when there is no litigation pending" This could be technically true. I'm re-reading your post, and it doesn't sound like you've actually filed a motion yet. I totally understand that you're relying on the AGREEMENT you have in place. But perhaps it's time to abandon that track and simply file a motion. Filing a motion is basically saying to a court, "I'm officially asking for something". In that case…
/r/Divorce_Men11/03/23 02:55 PM
2

Sorry, OP, for sorta hijacking your post. But I want to ask a question to everyone and make a comment. BTW, I'm in a similar position as OP, so I sympathize. Right now, when I CTRL-F "fight" on these comments, I see four instances (including "relentlessly fight"). It's an easy word to throw out there. But what does FIGHT mean to you... like... EXACTLY? Some rhetorical questions: Would you cash-in your 401k to pay for lawyers to keep fighting? Would you cheat the IRS to raise cash for lawyers? Wo…
/r/Divorce_Men08/03/23 12:21 PM
2

Now you have a situation where the parent who isn’t physically with the child gets to dictate what activities the child ... gets to do ... ? Excellent point. It's amazing how many custody disputes come down to this simple observation. I watch family court videos on YouTube and it's amazing how many divorced parents waste the court's time with accusations that the other parent takes the kid to McDonald's, lets them stay up past 9:30, or only bathes the kids twice a weekend instead of three times,…
/r/Divorce_Men07/03/23 01:43 PM
2

I'm amazed at some of the details put in these custody agreements My ex-wife's cunty lawyer even wanted to specify WHICH STATES. And she must have been using some boilerplate text because it even specified "U.S. States and Territories". I actually asked her if she was worried that I'd take the kids to Guam or the Northern Mariana Islands. Like, seriously? Damn, I had a trip to fucking Midway Island planned for next week!
/r/Divorce_Men07/03/23 01:40 PM
6

Holy Wall of Text, Batman. Can you use paragraphs or at least give us a TL;DR?
/r/Divorce_Men06/03/23 04:22 PM
3

why does the legal system reward her ... ? Women's votes are cheaper than men's votes. It's an unpleasant truth and women hate it when I mention this fact. But it's true. Many judges are elected. And even those judges who are appointed must still follow laws set by the legislators -- who are elected. And very often, the President of the USA, who is obviously elected, sets the tone. Think of Bill Clinton signing the PRWORA and DPPA laws; even taunting divorced dads in his State of the Union addre…
/r/Divorce_Men06/03/23 01:35 PM
3

This is a great question and I'm surprised more men don't ask it. I watch family court videos on YouTube and I'm amazed how both men and women come to court woefully unprepared to show evidence. I remember one woman came with no paperwork at all, just her iPhone, and would endlessly scroll, looking for something to show the judge. And, let me start by saying the judge isn't interested in reading ANYTHING on your stupid 3-inch cracked plastic screen. BTW, I'm no lawyer. But I've been through the …
/r/Divorce_Men06/03/23 01:06 PM
4

the GAL is just going to say, "if it ain't broke, don't fix it." This is true. Full stop. But the entire truth is even more sinister. I've heard other men (even lawyers) say that a GAL has a hidden agenda to give the judge the recommendation the GAL thinks the judge wants to see. GALs are lawyers who charge for their time, like any lawyer. They are approved by the court and they want repeat business. So, the GAL has a financial incentive to give the judge a well-received report so that the judge…
/r/Divorce_Men04/03/23 04:12 PM
2

I sympathize. Some lawyers are terrible negotiators. In fact, I think most lawyers had no negotiation training at all in law school. My divorce went to trial -- WHERE IT NEVER SHOULD HAVE LANDED. Our case was relatively simple and we agreed on most things. But my ex-wife's lawyer refused to settle, compromise or negotiate anything. Anyway, early in the divorce, I still believed we could settle it without a trial. I instructed my lawyer to put together a settlement package. Right from the start, …
/r/Divorce_Men04/03/23 03:31 PM
4

She has to provide why she can't work in court Brother, I have to tell you, this really depends on the judge. What you're saying might be technically true. But, in my case, my ex-wife simply CLAIMED that a physical injury prevented her from working. She provided no proof, and I even provided photos that showed her contradicting what she claimed were limitations in her movement. In the end, our judge was elderly and old fashioned. Everything he learned about marriage came from the 1950s and 1960s…
/r/Divorce_Men04/03/23 03:24 PM
5

"Abuse" is my favorite. Simply hurting the feelings of a woman can be interpreted as "emotional abuse". And I note that women LOVE to say their SO "abused" them, but without getting specific. It IMPLIES physical abuse, and it gets them sympathy.
/r/Divorce_Men01/03/23 02:29 AM
2

OP, I wish I could upvote this more. If you ever go look at the 2X subreddit, it's amazing. Women misuse 'gaslighting' to absurd extremes. Example: I've seen women claim "the whole world is gaslighting me". And, my favorite, "I'm gaslighting myself." The word has lost all meaning. Like narcissist and incel. Now, they're just generic insults towards men. From what I've seen... gaslighting = disagreeable incel = any man who's not a Soy Boy vegan Feminist narcissist = asshole I love when women anno…
/r/Divorce_Men01/03/23 02:26 AM
7

Sorry, OP, I had to do it. I had to post this: https://youtu.be/6IHhAKnCtKc Only 90 seconds, but watch to the end.
/r/Divorce_Men23/02/23 01:20 PM
1

Just curious, what state/country are you in? In the USA, "Solicitor General" is a title usually only given to the lawyer who represents the government at the Supreme Court. But I'm sure the title applies in other instances. Anyway, I don't know your exact situation. But I can tell my own story. And the outlook isn't good. After my divorce, there were still many motions and hearings and appeals. When our case was transferred to another court, I called the clerk to ask for the name of the judge. I…
/r/Divorce_Men22/02/23 02:12 PM
3

I agree, and very seriously, too. When I took Driver's Ed in high school, they took time out to show us the aftermath of drunk driving accidents. Reliably, once every semester, someone in the community would obliterate their car going too fast while drunk. The next week, while out on driver training, the instructor would have us pass by the tow yard where the wreck was kept. We'd get out and examine it up-close and personal. Talk about scared straight. Anyway, if they can do THAT, they can surel…
/r/Divorce_Men21/02/23 07:42 PM
4

Are these proceedings public? YouTube is full of proceedings you can watch. Some were available even before COVID. But with COVID, so many hearings were on Zoom, the number of available videos exploded. Unfortunately, many hearings are long and boring. There's a lot of procedural nonsense that takes up time. Some channels try to select "juicy" videos and edit out the slow bits. But, yes, absolutely, you can watch these videos and see 1) lawyers trying to tear apart men 2) women crying how they'r…
/r/Divorce_Men21/02/23 07:36 PM
2

OP, I sympathize and can relate to all. Simple arithmetic is NOT something that's used in a divorce. I've seen it over and over. Adam Carolla isn't divorced. But the other day, he was being interviewed and said something interesting and relatable. Maybe it's worth a few minutes of your time. He talked about how money is "invisible" to kids these days. And the labor of the provider is invisible. His kids have tablets and phones with his credit card programmed into it. They can order food from Doo…
/r/Divorce_Men20/02/23 01:48 PM
3

Can you be a little more specific? Were members attacking each other? As far as I'm concerned, this is a safe space to attack lawyers and horrible ex's in uncivilized ways.
/r/Divorce_Men20/02/23 01:36 PM
4

The replies so far are pretty lame. The clear and obvious answer is NO, the kids do NOT automatically become your responsibility. If the kid's bio-dad agrees to give up all rights, and if you agree to adopt the kid, then that's another story. But those are two big "if"s. This is does not vary by state. The parent who's paying is still responsible for paying regardless if the other parent gets re-married. The child is still the responsibility of the bio-parents. The law is very clear on this.
/r/Divorce_Men20/02/23 01:32 PM
1

You make your own sushi? Dude, be careful. One mistake and you can really make yourself sick.
/r/Divorce_Men14/02/23 04:09 PM
2

I assure you it's all true (actually, worse). But I appreciate the sentiment. To call her a hooker is a bit of an oversimplification. She's an amateur with a real life and full-time job, but needs to earn a little on the side. She's actually a cop, if you can believe it. I'm overseas, BTW. It's a quasi-relationship: we go out, she even cooks for me sometimes. I think of it as dating where every date is a 'sure thing'. So, I slip her a few bucks, who cares? She's cheaper than a girlfriend (and ch…
/r/Divorce_Men14/02/23 04:04 PM
4

I'm going to guess and suggest that you're looking for approval? At least, in some sense. And I'm also going to guess that you won't get it from the ex. Then what? Then you'll have to decide whether to do it with her approval or not. I don't know your family dynamics. But I browse plenty of subreddits that contain stories from fighting parents, and I watch a lot of family court videos on YouTube. And there's a certain amount of predictability: One parent doesn't like something the other parent i…
/r/Divorce_Men14/02/23 02:49 PM
3

I suggest starting with The One that You Love --or-- All Out of Love. They're probably the most depressing songs from their catalog.
/r/Divorce_Men14/02/23 02:37 PM
1

Plans? Booze and a hooker after work, the way God intended me to spend a romantic holiday. I'd send flowers and cards to my daughters, but I don't know where they are. No one will tell me. The courts don't care. My oldest daughter, I Google her name every morning just to see if there's an obituary. She was very depressed and suicidal last time we spoke a few years ago. But, I'm assured by some retarded stranger in a black robe this is all in the "best interests" of my children. So, hooray for th…
/r/Divorce_Men14/02/23 02:28 PM
7

Mark Twain said the difference between a man and a dog is that if you feed a homeless dog, he won't bite you. When I was single and in college, I found a homeless puppy at a gas station one night. She spent the rest of her life with me. She was fiercely loyal to the end; she would kiss my hand even when I had nothing to offer. My wife (now ex-wife) spent $5000 on some "designer" dog, specifically bred with prized DNA to be the perfect dog. But all it did was shit on the living room floor and run…
/r/Divorce_Men14/02/23 03:05 AM
-1

A dog is ALOT of work ALOT isn't a word.
/r/Divorce_Men14/02/23 03:02 AM
3

Never heard of it. Is there a link? I don't know what this package is. But a related comment: I wish there was a more cohesive, comprehensive, realistic "training" class for divorcing men, especially Pro Se litigants. I've seen a few books, but the ones written by lawyers were pretty dry and useless and the gory details were polished-off. For the gory details, I come here. Anyway, there is a time and place to pay $$$ for premium advice. Certainly.
/r/Divorce_Men12/02/23 03:01 PM
1

I had a lawyer tell me once that "Everything is a negotiation". She was just trying to get me to stop thinking of everything as already decided. International travel with the kids can be a big one. Both parents need to sign for kids to get a passport. If there's no court order, one parent can be a total asshole if the other parent wants to take the kids to the Bahamas for Spring Break. That's just one example. Another: when a man has a nice pension waiting for him at the end of his career, I've …
/r/Divorce_Men11/02/23 04:01 PM
2

Some say Texas does not grant alimony This is one of the biggest myths out there. I've heard this many times on this subreddit. I've met men from Texas who swear THERE IS NO ALIMONY in Texas. But one quick Google search proves this is wrong. And think about it, men from all over the USA would flock to Texas and file there if this were the case. Sorry, OP, I didn't mean to hijack your thread. But it's amazing how that myth won't die.
/r/Divorce_Men11/02/23 03:51 PM
3

When I was banned from the /r/ChildSupport subreddit by a mod named /u/AudreyTwoToo, I made a new account called /u/AudreyTooTwo and started posting there again. I think she banned me in less than 24 hours on general principle. She didn't even wait for me to say something offensive (which, on that subreddit, can be as simple as saying men are treated worse in family court).
/r/Divorce_Men11/02/23 03:05 PM
1

I live in USA , but I have EU passport Whoa. Hold up. An EU passport? You literally have a Get Out Of Jail Free Card. You have a Golden Ticket out of the Matrix. So what are you doing in the USA? You didn't mention your line of work, but can't you work remotely? Or find another job where you can work remotely, as a contractor? You could be sitting on some warm distant beach somewhere, earning 20%. But you're staying in the USA just so you can pay alimony? I would have left skid marks on my way t…
/r/Divorce_Men11/02/23 02:59 PM
4

Apologies for being blunt. But the harsh truth is that your warm feelings will go away immediately after your first encounter with her lawyer. After your asshole is enlarged, without lube, your feelings about your ex will change right quick.
/r/Divorce_Men10/02/23 01:06 PM
1

https://www.google.com/search?q=terrence+popp+administrative+violence May or may not be what you're asking for.
/r/Divorce_Men08/02/23 01:18 PM
1

I agree. If a security clearance is your livelihood, it's like leaving your nuts out there in the open for anyone to kick. It's sick that an unhappy person can get close to ruining your life with a false accusation.
/r/Divorce_Men06/02/23 12:17 AM
1

NNSA? The National Nuclear Security Agency? I never worked with them, but I expect their clearances are given by the Department of Energy, not the agency itself. Plus, in the Defense Department, there's DOHA -- department of hearings and appeals -- where people can challenge a loss of clearance. I would expect there's a similar office in the Department of Energy.
/r/Divorce_Men06/02/23 12:15 AM
10

Wow, this sounds familiar. I was a contractor during some troubled times. Like others have pointed out, if she files (or you file) a "no-fault" divorce, then no one is blamed; it's right there in the name: no fault. For some bizarre reason, plenty of women file no-fault divorces. But then they come to court with a long list of complaints for the judge ("My husband is a cheating narcissist; an unwashed and unemployed drunk with an anger management problem! And he kicks kittens!"). Then she cries …
/r/Divorce_Men06/02/23 12:10 AM
2

I expected that my lawyer would say, "Look, this is the story you need to tell" I absolutely hear you. I expected the same thing. In fact, before my very first hearing, I specifically asked my lawyer to arrive early, sit me down, and give me EXPECTATIONS (and I used that word specifically). I did not want to proceed with some surprise lurking in the shadows. But my lawyer did the same as yours. I have two thoughts. But they're just thoughts, not proven legal strategies. Just from my own experien…
/r/Divorce_Men05/02/23 06:13 PM
4

Hookers. Almost all hookers since the divorce. Early on, there was one woman I found online and we had an actual, real, romantic relationship for a few months. I didn't think I could have real feelings again, but I did. But she abruptly broke-up with me and married an ex-boyfriend of hers. Broke my heart. Since then, neither my heart nor my wallet can take it anymore. I rent what I want, on-demand, and get rid of it as soon as I don't want it around anymore. Financially, it actually makes MORE s…
/r/Divorce_Men05/02/23 04:09 PM
11

Sorry it's all happening. I'm no lawyer, but the issue of jurisdiction comes to mind immediately. I know the last thing you need is another lawyer's fee. But I'd ask a lawyer about jurisdiction, e.g.: does the latest court have jurisdiction over the matter? My ex-wife and I were residents of different states when we got divorced. Plus, our case bounced between THREE courts (juvenile, circuit and superior -- this was because of appeals and re-filings, etc.). Anyway, as a non-resident, I remember …
/r/Divorce_Men05/02/23 03:59 PM
1

The reason divorce is so expensive is because it is worth it! Hardy har har har. That's original. Better get that copyrighted before someone steals it. No, the reason it's so expensive is because of pit-faced scum-sucking evil lawyers and corrupt courts. They bleed people dry when they're most vulnerable. People get divorced in other countries and don't have to face financial ruin.
/r/Divorce_Men04/02/23 02:25 PM
2

She sacrificed her best earning potential years to raise the children I hear this argument all the time and it's bullshit. It's dishonest. First, the women who use this argument are implying (and dreaming!) they would be some high-end senior executive if they had decided to enter the workforce. Or, with their imaginary master's degree in engineering, they'd be happy to work 60 hours a week on demanding projects to pay the bills. "I sacrificed my career!" Oh please. You were working part-time at …
/r/Divorce_Men04/02/23 02:20 PM
1

And among litigators, Mark Twain said there also two kinds: Those who are experienced and went to the best law schools.... and those who have lunch with the judge. (My ex's lawyer would call the court officers by their first name while I was told say "Yes, your honor; No, sir, your honor, etc...") EDIT: a word
/r/Divorce_Men04/02/23 02:10 PM
1

The intended audience of THIS 47-minute video is Black men in America. But even if you're not Black, an don't have 47 minutes, watch a few minutes starting at 10:03. The video is seven years old, but still pretty strong. FYI, I was in Rio de Janeiro a few months ago, and many of the claims in the video still hold true. I was happy to see plenty of Black American men there having fun (presumably tired of being treated like Black men in America!).
/r/Divorce_Men04/02/23 04:49 AM
8

I ended up liquidating my retirement ... to [pay] ... CS ... That's called "double dipping" I'm sorry to hear it. But as they say, misery loves company. I can relate. In my case, my divorce dragged-on for more than two years. The ex was awarded pendente lite payments (it's Latin for "pending the outcome [of the trial]"; it basically means I had to start paying CS and alimony half-way thru the divorce). Well, that's fine. But I'm a contractor. And contracts come and go. Sometimes they're canceled…
/r/Divorce_Men04/02/23 04:23 AM
7

I have a lawyer. She decided she's going to represent herself. Wow, that's the best news you could get out of this. Let's hope it does not change. Don't encourage whatsoever to get a lawyer of her own. Make sure your lawyer is prepared to DEMOLISH her in court. Like Bonaparte said, "Never interrupt your enemy when they're making a mistake." If she has enough ego and moxie to think she can fight alone effectively against an experienced lawyer, let her go on thinking that. To be clear, I'm thinkin…
/r/Divorce_Men03/02/23 09:01 PM
1

Yeah, I should have mentioned him, too. I like him (but I admit, I haven't listened recently). Buzzfeed did a hit piece on him a while ago (shocker). Just like Dr. Warren Farrell, their critics look into their past. And out of a million things they've ever said, they desperately look for one or two lines that can be taken out of context. Or find some one-sided story that paints them in a bad light. Then, they try to discredit these men completely. Yeah, Paul is definitely at the "No Fucks Left T…
/r/Divorce_Men02/02/23 07:43 PM
1

I’ll be paying massive child support to my ex Hold up. First, you didn't tell us how much money each of you make. But second, and much more importantly (warning: incoming rant), why do you assume SHE will get full custody leaving YOU with child support payments? It really chaps my ass when I see women in other subreddits talking about divorce or pregnancy. Nearly 100% of the time, the OP and the comments are all: "Take the kid and leave. You deserve better." When Roe v. Wade was overturned, I sa…
/r/Divorce_Men02/02/23 02:48 PM
1

Two replies: First, I know it sounds great when child support officials say they work "for the kids". But the truth is that the money is legally owed to the mom, not the kids. Second, if the State truly, really wants to support the kids, why don't they help dads who are denied visitation? We all know the answer: there is no money in visitation enforcement.
/r/Divorce_Men02/02/23 12:24 AM
5

meet a family court "judge" at a social event so I can ... "Sir, if this coffee were any hotter, I'd throw it in your face."
/r/Divorce_Men01/02/23 04:18 PM
8

For the divorce itself, no, women do not get free lawyers. However, later on, consider some scenarios: If a man is ordered to pay child support, and falls behind, the State (acting on behalf of the mom, for free) will begin enforcement actions such as revoking dad's driver's license and passport, ruining his credit and seizing his assets. Mom pays nothing for this service. But if mom is withholding the kids from dad, or won't let him visit, or violates any other court order, then dad must hire h…
/r/Divorce_Men01/02/23 04:07 PM
3

Do you have any recommended channels? I've seen DadStartingOver. I'm sure he's helpful to some dads. For a while, I was watching Caleb Leverett. He focused more on his own personal situation and the shortcomings of Texas Family Court. Now his channel is more like a "divorced dad lifestyle" channel. For me, the most traumatic part of divorce was the courtroom trial. My ex-wife and her horrible lawyer insisted on a trial. They wouldn't consider a settlement or negotiations. I had my own lawyer -- …
/r/Divorce_Men31/01/23 02:46 PM
9

so what is her strategy?? My wife wouldn't file. She dragged-out our separation. I could not file because of jurisdictional and residency issues (long story). My situation may not apply to you. But looking back, I think she was doing two things: 1) She was stretching our 9-year marriage into a 10-year marriage. At ten years, she gets some Social Security benefits. Also, in some states, ten years is a bright line that defines a "long-term marriage". 2) She was establishing a "situation". That is,…
/r/Divorce_Men30/01/23 02:29 PM
1

Am I crazy? No. And as crazy as this is, Massachusetts alimony laws were reformed a few years ago because they were deemed too punitive to men and didn't allow them to ever retire. But we still have craziness like in your case. The reform was a grass-roots effort led by Steve Hitner. He owed his ex-wife huge, lifetime payments. He got re-married and both he and his second wife had to work two jobs to afford to pay his first wife. It was insane.
/r/Divorce_Men29/01/23 07:22 PM
0

In general, I would say that if you have a "thing" (anything) which could be considered an immature asset (that is, it will be worth more in the future), then try to keep it in the divorce. Example: You have 40k in stock options that could be worth 60k in the future. Tell your wife you'll give her 20k today for her half, ignoring what they'll be worth in the future. Of course, you'll have to sneak this past her lawyer. Depending on how complex your compensation package is, it could get overlooke…
/r/Divorce_Men26/01/23 11:46 AM
2

should I take her money and be an **** or let her keep her money? Why the "****"? We're all adults here. You can use adult language. And why would you pick a word, then censor it? Why not just pick a different word? I still don't know "****" is meant to be in your post. Ogre? Etch? Anus? Epic? Idea? Arse? Iris? Exit? Acid? Axle? Icon? Itch? Omen? Ovum? I'll go with "itch".
/r/Divorce_Men25/01/23 10:04 PM
-2

desire for the good life is ALOT higher than men think ALOT isn't a word. I know it's off-topic, but I am puzzled why so many Redditors get this wrong. It's so simple. A tree. A table. A room. A lot.
/r/Divorce_Men25/01/23 12:27 PM
3

Lawyers "suck"? That's the best you can do? I say they're all scum-sucking evil who should be disfigured, slowly and painfully. I assume people become family law attorneys because the Nazis weren't hiring. Or they couldn't get a job clubbing baby seals. They are the reason there are metal detectors at the courthouse entrance. No one wants to kill a probate lawyer or a tax lawyer. Four hundred years ago, even Shakespeare had the right idea: "First, we kill all the lawyers." Your story is familiar…
/r/Divorce_Men23/01/23 04:07 PM
3

I'm with /u/Bipolar_investor when he says, "Leverage the system... 'I'm depressed, I'm burned out...'" My ex-wife earned so much during the marriage, I could have made the argument that SHE should be paying ME alimony. But she had a sneaky dishonest lawyer. My wife quit her job before the divorce and claimed several non-falsifiable illnesses such as PTSD, stress, depression, and so on. Non-falsifiable means she can't prove it and I can't disprove it. I thought the judge would see through her shi…
/r/Divorce_Men22/01/23 07:55 PM
1

Picking off a little at a time is a common tactic. I accidentally ran into another tactic. It may or may not work for you. Like I said, my circumstances were a happy accident; not sure it could be legally planned in advanced. Once, I wanted to hire a specific lawyer. He asked for 5000 up-front. I paid in a way that was plainly visible. But, after paying him and talking to him for an hour, he decided that he wasn't the best lawyer to represent me, and he actually wasn't interested in taking my ca…
/r/Divorce_Men19/01/23 04:21 PM
1

You aren't smarter than your attorney, OC and the judge Yeah, but he has more time and more incentive. If someone is paying a lawyer $400/hour (or a forensic accountant), how long do you think they'll keep paying without getting any results? And I'm sure the judge is good at spotting low-hanging fruit (e.g.: the dolt who tries to hide $20,000 the day before the divorce). But picking apart years of transactions? Maybe your judge was different, but mine didn't give a shit.
/r/Divorce_Men19/01/23 04:12 PM
4

Two months ago, there was a post here very similar to yours: https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/zl36ns/taking_my_mail/ I really, really, like the reply from /u/jimsmythee Give her something juicy to steal. And let her waste time and money with a lawyer.
/r/Divorce_Men19/01/23 04:03 PM
13

Why can't you end the marriage now? It seems like you really regret the decision. Why wait until there's real pain? Is annulment even possible now? things like future child support/custody don't bother me Get back to us when she and your kid are on a plane headed for Dubai. Once she leaves the USA, good luck getting any court to help you get the kid back. I am a high income earner ($134k) You're in the Bay Area and you think 134k is "high income". Okay..... tell us more about lighting cigars wit…
/r/Divorce_Men17/01/23 01:49 AM
1

Not following the orders is not in and of itself contempt Thanks for pointing this out. Not a lawyer, but I think a big misunderstanding in divorce (shared between men and women alike) is that ANY violation of a court's order, no matter how minor or innocent, is AUTOMATICALLY a guilty verdict of contempt.
/r/Divorce_Men16/01/23 01:53 PM
7

Similar situation. It sucks and seems so backwards. The person who quits and stays home gets rewarded. Early in my marriage, my ex-wife earned quite a bit, even more than me some years. But as divorced loomed, she abandoned her career and basically decided to retire in her mid-40s. She wasn't disabled; her earning capacity was the same as mine. What made it worse was her lawyer who promised her she could retire and I'd be paying for everything, forever. One of the maxims in a divorce is not to t…
/r/Divorce_Men16/01/23 12:46 PM
1

First, has anyone filed for divorce yet? In all likelihood, you'll have a no-fault divorce regardless of who files. This type of divorce is self-explanatory, it's right there in the name: No Fault. In that case, she tacitly agrees that no one is to blame. If she wants to file an "at-fault" divorce, it's going to be expensive, difficult, and time-consuming for her. When women get emotionally spun-up, they get this attitude of revenge: vowing to "bring everything to court" and "show the judge ever…
/r/Divorce_Men13/01/23 05:21 PM
2

OP, I can't offer any help, but I can certainly sympathize. I was balls-deep into a divorce before I realized my lawyer was a limp-dick (sorry for all the penis metaphors). The opposing attorney was being very aggressive, dishonest and unethical. When I suggested that we "fight fire with fire", she started lecturing me about professional ethics and how she's duty-bound as an "officer of the court" (they use that title like it's fucking nobility or something) to be ethical at all times. In fact, …
/r/Divorce_Men11/01/23 05:40 PM
2

What not to do: Think that your wife will be rational and fair during divorce. What not to do: Assume the divorce court will be fair towards you. What to do: Be at the very bottom of your earning potential when you divorce. Gradually reduce your income in a way that's plausible and documented. Perhaps take time off because you're "depressed" or "burnt-out". Start a new career and flounder in it. Or start a new business and let it sink into bankruptcy. BE POOR ON PAPER. #1 goal. Like others have …
/r/Divorce_Men09/01/23 02:47 PM
5

If we lived together, I would still be paying for everything anyways I understand your point. But now, you're doing it voluntarily. Even if the number doesn't change much, it's quite something else to be forced to do it. I like beer and pizza. But if men with guns forced me to have it, even when I wasn't hungry, I might change my mind about it.
/r/Divorce_Men08/01/23 02:22 PM
3

Not worried about spousal support or any of that ... I make a great living ... I have taken care of her basically her whole life Maybe I'm bringing my own troubles to the table, but I would be cautious before dismissing support payments. Have you talked to a lawyer about the numbers? After 25 years, assume permanent, life-long alimony. And the more you make, the more you'll pay. Of course, numbers mean different things to different people. In theory, if you made a million a year, but had to give…
/r/Divorce_Men08/01/23 02:13 PM
2

All the happy memories were a lie Wow. Hit the nail on the head. And this is just one more "non-disprovable" thing she would throw in my face. Normally, in a logical argument, any claim should be capable of being proven or disproven. But saying shit like, "I was unhappy for years but never told you" is completely unprovable. But, she wants credit for it. Of course, it was my mistake to try using logic.
/r/Divorce_Men07/01/23 01:44 PM
2

A few things... 1) You can object to specific questions. Spend a few minutes looking here. But remember that you can't object simply because you don't like the question. You need to justify the objection. My favorites are: Not reasonably calculated to lead to admissible evidence; Equally available to the opposing party; Overly broad; Vague, ambiguous, or unclear; Unduly burdensome. "Unduly burdensome" might be your go-to. 2) In my state, Discovery was limited to 30 questions or something like th…
/r/Divorce_Men31/12/22 02:54 PM
1

Probably an unpopular opinion, but when I saw the story, I was reminded of his idiot female supporters who dreamed of having sex with him or who otherwise were envious of Michelle. Women hate the idea that "women are more emotional". But when it comes to politics, they clearly discount policy, leadership style, and even sometimes political party. They vote for the sexy guy who they dream of as a great husband. Old Dude here. Anyone remember the Democratic National Convention in 2000? At the end …
/r/Divorce_Men31/12/22 02:40 PM
1

OP specifically asked about alimony, not CS.
/r/Divorce_Men30/12/22 05:39 PM
3

I'm not familiar with FAP. What do they do? Do they have any authority over anything? Is it a governmental office? State/Country? Personally, I'm very distrustful of the entire system. Whatever happens, I'd be careful what I say. No one is there to truly help you except maybe your lawyer. Why would you talk to someone who's not your lawyer? Need some context.
/r/Divorce_Men27/12/22 10:37 AM
6

I still dont feel like I’ve won I'm glad things worked out for you. Can I suggest that the idea of "winning" is part of the problem? It's not a problem specific to you; this isn't a personal attack. In general, I hate that divorce as seen as a "winner-take-all" fight to the death where there is one 'winner' and one 'loser'. Judges and lawyers create this thinking (whether they realize it or not), and it naturally shows up in the thinking of litigants. Consider that custody is often "fought" over…
/r/Divorce_Men27/12/22 10:31 AM
4

Booze and hookers, like every Christmas.
/r/Divorce_Men26/12/22 02:04 PM
29

All the feminists who wanted the child support money attacked me What's very frustrating about the default subs (divorce and child support) is the prevailing idea that child support is ALWAYS fair for EVERYONE in every circumstance. As if child support is a simple, affordable monthly fee that only an asshole wouldn't pay. There are genuine circumstances where a man might legitimately be paying too much, or he's fallen behind due to no fault of his own. And we're talking about loving fathers who …
/r/Divorce_Men24/12/22 03:25 AM
3

Alot isn't a word. No more "I have to see if the wife will let me" For a while, I worked overseas in a tough, dirty occupation that was pretty much men only. Fully 95% of my colleagues grew beards while there. When one of my buddies was headed home after a few months, I happened to ask about how his wife would react. This "Manly-Man" Tough Guy told me, "Oh, the wife will never let me keep this; I'll shave before I go." Sigh.
/r/Divorce_Men24/12/22 02:13 AM
1

Unless you're actually beating your wife and kids, the Order of Protection is almost certainly a tactic to get the upper hand in a divorce. This tactic is nicknamed "The Silver Bullet" because it abuses laws that were meant to protect women and kids who are ACTUAL abuse victims. You're dealing with a hot potato. Use caution. An Order of Protection can be used to get you out of the house and away from the kids. It can put a man at a serious disadvantage in divorce. And if you're innocent, that wo…
/r/Divorce_Men23/12/22 12:58 PM
5

all the numbers say marriage is a bad deal for men If any young man wants to see the actual numbers for himself, Aaron Clarey wrote a book called The Book of Numbers. It's pretty cheap on Amazon, but there's probably a free PDF floating around out there somewhere. It explores the economics behind men's pursuit of women. The book tries to answer just one simple question – “Is it worth it?” From the jacket: ... this essay aims to inform the reader about the real mathematical chances of success he …
/r/Divorce_Men20/12/22 11:48 AM
11

happily married men also exist And some birds who live in a cage think flying is an illness.
/r/Divorce_Men19/12/22 07:02 PM
9

Older dude here. I am from that era when a young man was expected to marry the girl he accidentally got pregnant. Well, it didn't happen EVERY time. But two of my good high school buddies were both married (one at 19, the other at 24) to girls they got pregnant. One of them was an idiot. But the other had a strict religious upbringing (which, ironically he rebelled against) and a love/hate relationship with his father. I think he ultimately got married to get his father's approval, which, unfort…
/r/Divorce_Men19/12/22 12:31 PM
3

I have always wondered if you can hide cash in safety deposit boxes Well, of course you CAN. You can put anything in there. The problem is that the cash has to come from SOMEWHERE. If you make a big cash withdraw from the bank, there's a paper trail. Also, I believe safety deposit boxes can be discovered in a search. You could always have a trusted friend open the safety deposit box for you. Or, move cash into Bitcoin -- but manage your own keys and keep them in cold storage (e.g.: without a bro…
/r/Divorce_Men17/12/22 07:29 PM
3

Massachusetts sucks for men Yes, and this is EVEN AFTER the new reform laws a few years ago. The reformation of the laws was a grassroots effort led by a man who was working two jobs, and his second wife was also working two jobs, just so they could afford to pay his first wife every month. Really messed-up shit.
/r/Divorce_Men16/12/22 06:02 PM
6

That's brilliant. And it's one of those "Why Didn't I Think Of That?" ideas. My ex was certain I was hiding things. And being that amateur forgery is one of my hobbies (God Bless Photoshop), this would have been easy to pull off. Damn, wish I'd thought of that. As it was, I briefly changed my employer on LinkedIn to some company in Denver. It was a lie, of course, but I think she was close to sending them a subpoena.
/r/Divorce_Men13/12/22 09:13 PM
7

I often point out that there metal detectors at courthouse entrances for a reason. You push some men too far, and you get what you get.
/r/Divorce_Men13/12/22 11:47 AM
11

Well, brother, if that's what it takes for you to be at peace, then I'm happy for you. Seriously. But, to me, that's too much "turn the other cheek" for me. Divorce is an adversarial process. I, too, like you, went into it being polite and professional. But taking the "high road" often leaves men with the shitty end of the stick. "Adversarial" means war. When the other side comes out swinging, it's not enough to say, "I'll respond with honor and respect". Yeah, now I'm just another bitter asshol…
/r/Divorce_Men13/12/22 11:45 AM
2

I think you have two attack vectors here. First, you can say you were never properly served. If they counter it with your address not being current, then go back to my post. Regardless if you were properly served or not, you are allowed time to send a Discovery demand to the other side. And they're given 21 or 28 days to reply (varies by state). My point is, I don't think someone can schedule a hearing against you, and give you notice of only a few days. That's just not right; it's too rushed. I…
/r/Divorce_Men11/12/22 01:57 PM
1

If you want input, I'd suggest using punctuation and avoid run-on sentences. It hurts my brain to read your post.
/r/Divorce_Men11/12/22 01:53 PM
2

Not a lawyer (but I sometimes feel like a “jailhouse lawyer” after being put through the wringer so many times). I would absolutely ask for a continuance. In any hearing, you have a right to cross-examine any evidence or witnesses. This process actually starts long before you appear in the courtroom. It’s called Discovery. You can demand that the opposing attorney turn over any exhibits and a list of witnesses they intend to call. At its heart, Discovery is there to prevent surprises in court (i…
/r/Divorce_Men11/12/22 01:26 PM
1

alot of you guys... are in alot better financial shape Alot isn't a word.
/r/Divorce_Men06/12/22 01:16 PM
1

That’s not what it means look it up ARE YOU GASLIGHTING ME? I did look it up. My definition is more-or-less correct. As long as the target THINKS they're crazy, what's the difference? If you're sane, no one can actually 'convert' you into insane. All the they can do is let you believe it's happening naturally.
/r/Divorce_Men06/12/22 02:25 AM
1

Is there a category for "Most Misused" word of the year? It's one of those stupid trendy fem buzzwords (at least it started in the 2x/fem world, then poisoned everyone else). From all I've seen, it simply means "disagreeable". If we're getting divorced and I think one of your plans isn't realistic, then I must be "gaslighting" you, right!?!? Over on the 2x/fem subreddits, I've even seen idiot women claim to be gaslighting themselves. Or that the entire world is gaslighting them. To be clear, gas…
/r/Divorce_Men05/12/22 09:13 PM
1

I lost everything.
/r/Divorce_Men03/12/22 03:52 AM
1

feminists will have you believe otherwise It's very frustrating to see that. On some fem subreddits, the idea that Family Courts are biased is seen as a myth, easily debunked with "studies". But the links to the "studies" usually don't prove what's being claimed. What's more, I point out that some states are considering 50/50 as standard custody. Men's Rights groups fight for these laws, but women's group oppose them. Why is that? I thought the courts weren't biased against men? I like it when t…
/r/Divorce_Men03/12/22 03:46 AM
1

Sympathies. I was in the same boat. My ex's lawyer called the judge by his first name, even in official court documents. I assumed it was psychological warfare, and it worked. Just letting me know that I was in the wrong town. Later, I appealed my case. The appellate judge was a new judge, and was still listed as an attorney with my ex-wife's lawyer's law firm. In other words, the judge and the opposing lawyer were co-workers. Same as you. I complained to the state judicial review. But they assu…
/r/Divorce_Men03/12/22 03:32 AM
1

My ex conveniently left all her equally bad messages out I'm no lawyer, but I'm sure the rules of evidence allow you to somehow subpoena HER messages. That is, if a third party witness is willing to come forward with damning evidence, basic fairness dictates that you have a right to cross-examine the witness and her evidence. Have your lawyer subpoena ALL of the messages so yours can't be used out-of-context. Again, I'm no lawyer, but I ran across the "Sword and the Shield" doctrine when I was l…
/r/Divorce_Men27/11/22 03:50 PM
2

This might be an obvious answer, but maybe not for everyone. And that is: Your expectations. It's easy to say, "Give me the best deal I can get". But that means different things to different people. From everything I've read, it seems some people go into a divorce without really knowing EXACTLY what their objectives are (and what they're willing to trade).
/r/Divorce_Men26/11/22 01:07 AM
1

If you put two spaces at the end of a line, then you can make a list like this
/r/Divorce_Men26/11/22 01:05 AM
2

Sounds so familiar. My ex and her lawyer pushed hard for lopsided custody. It became an obsession for her; it was all about winning at any cost. But she clearly didn't give it much thought. Near the end of the hearing, right there in the courtroom, I overheard her say to her lawyer, "But I want a break, too, sometimes" soon after she got what she wanted and realized all of her free time was about to evaporate. out of the kindness of my heart Famous Last Words there, chief. Be careful. Divorce is…
/r/Divorce_Men18/11/22 12:32 PM
2

Vagina. Or, at least, that's how many American women think.
/r/Divorce_Men18/11/22 12:28 PM
1

she wants the benefits of marriage and be single Every answer here can be summarized by this one sentence.
/r/Divorce_Men18/11/22 12:27 PM
1

I'm assuming that you saw my reply to your last post (which you deleted for some reason). I can only iterate the "get over it" portion. I know you don't want to hear it. I know you want it all to make sense. But you need to accept that it will never make sense. Even if we could answer your specific question here, there will be another puzzling question tomorrow, and another one the day after. You will be free one day. Try to keep that in mind.
/r/Divorce_Men18/11/22 12:25 PM
1

Only suggestion is that if you do change lawyers, go get your file from your original lawyer's office. Don't settle for a copy. Get the original file with all the original paperwork. They might try to tell you it's their policy to keep all historical files in-house. But don't let them talk you out of it. Technically, it's YOUR property. You "bought" it; it's yours. Your new lawyer will need unfettered access to that file.
/r/Divorce_Men16/11/22 01:35 PM
1

Kinda sounds like a lose-lose-lose. No one is the clear winner here. Not sure I'd give Karma the credit. But if it makes you happy.
/r/Divorce_Men16/11/22 01:30 PM
1

Nobody warned me of the risks This sentiment should conveyed more to young men considering marriage. Sometimes on other divorce subreddits, a complaining man will be reminded that "he knew the risks" or that he entered into a "contract". Funny, I don't remember signing a contract in which I agreed to lose my children or pay excessive amounts of child support or finance my ex-wife's retirement when she decides to simply quit her job. What's really funny is that I once had a lawyer explain to me t…
/r/Divorce_Men14/11/22 11:11 PM
3

strengths Strengths. What a crazy word. Nine letters but only one syllable.
/r/Divorce_Men14/11/22 11:01 PM
2

You need an attorney and CPA ... Hijacking the top comment to remind OP that he can have privileged conversations with an attorney, but not NOT with a CPA.
/r/Divorce_Men13/11/22 05:48 AM
1

If we're really talking about $1MM or more, perhaps a lawyer should be involved. Perhaps an accountant, but I'd pick an accountant that's also a lawyer for the simple reason that conversations with a lawyer are privileged; conversations with an accountant are NOT. I wish I knew more about money laundering to give you a better answer. My completely non-expert opinion? I always liked those schemes where one shell company "borrowed" money from another shell company, but then defaulted and never pai…
/r/Divorce_Men13/11/22 05:44 AM
17

it kinda grosses me out thinking about it What? Don't be a phagg. Have you SEEN a naked 25-year old? No saggy boobs, no regrettable tats, no C-section scars, no meat curtains, a vag that tastes like French Vanilla ice cream... I encourage all divorced men to visit Thailand at least once. It's Disneyland for your penis. Get it out of your system. But, for the sake of all that's Holy, don't fall in love and don't get re-married. Know that you can walk away at any time. Yeah, it sucks to be alone. …
/r/Divorce_Men13/11/22 05:30 AM
1

Sympathies, truly. During my divorce, I often joked that I could be in a room with three lawyers, and I was the only one capable of doing basic arithmetic. It started out as a joke, but I came to really believe it. Example: child support is based on a worksheet. It's a mathematical formula (we don't really call it that, but that's what it is). When the opposing lawyer ran the numbers, she concluded that I owed more than 100% of my take-home pay. When I suggested the possibility that her numbers …
/r/Divorce_Men12/11/22 03:43 PM
9

I'm not supposed to tell the kids about the finances? Were you ORDERED to not discuss it with the kids? Many times, a judge will make such an order. Warning... going off on a rant and a tangent... I was given such an order (not to discuss the divorce with the kids). I'm no lawyer, but at once, I thought it was unconstitutional. Sure, you can preach to me all day long about what's best for kids. But at the end of the day, you'll never convince me that Family Courts can criminalize my free speech …
/r/Divorce_Men11/11/22 12:31 AM
7

You don't burden your kids with your problems. You figure out how to solve those problems. Easy to say. My situation isn't really like OP's. But certainly, there are other men out there like me. I was ordered to pay support based on the most lucrative job available to me, which happened to be far away from the kids. When my 8-year old asked why I don't visit more, she deserved an age-appropriate response, for sure. But I'm sure as Hell not taking the blame. And ignoring the question won't help. …
/r/Divorce_Men11/11/22 12:19 AM
2

Are you still living together? If you know anything about IT, you can sniff the traffic going through your WiFi router at home. It won't tell you everything (like every message), but it gives SOME insight into what she's doing -- and when. GPS tracker on her car? An Apple AirTag is another possibility, but be careful because now some iPhones will warn that a nearby AirTag is tracking them. A tracker that's purely GPS is passive only. Someone else here said NOT to mess with her electronics becaus…
/r/Divorce_Men10/11/22 03:02 PM
4

They are doing a huge disservice to women who are actually being abused Too bad this comment is buried because it brings up a great point. Recently, I saw a terrible story in the news. A little girl named Kyra Franchetti was murdered by her own father during an unsupervised visit during a bitter custody dispute. Her mother tried to stop the unsupervised visits by telling the courts -- correctly, as it turns out -- that her ex-husband was violent, angry and vengeful. However, the judge ignored he…
/r/Divorce_Men10/11/22 12:41 AM
2

I really liked the reply from /r/Gattsama. I will add something more: As much as you can, after the divorce, try to make peace with it. Remember Andy Dufresne's lament? "It was my turn, that's all. I was in the path of the tornado." For a while, I bombarded my friends and family with stories and explanations. They were all polite to me, and listened. But I soon felt like I was "That Guy". You know? That Guy that shows up at a party, and all he talks about is his whore of an ex-wife, and how he n…
/r/Divorce_Men09/11/22 12:56 PM
1

That would be the default /r/Divorce subreddit. It's very women-friendly.
/r/Divorce_Men09/11/22 12:34 PM
1

Usually the questions are boilerplate. But I think your lawyer should have definitely let you see a copy before he filed. There could be questions that you already know are totally irrelevant. Also, no one knows you marriage better than you. Perhaps you could have helped craft some questions specific to your wife. The lingering issue is that, in some states, there is a limit to the number of questions that can be asked in Discovery. So, for example, if your lawyer asked her about any pensions th…
/r/Divorce_Men05/11/22 07:15 PM
2

why can you only work in min wage jobs? I'm not OP, but I can tell you that if your career is based on having a security clearance, and it's suddenly lost, the job market can be daunting, depending on your skill set. Let's say he's an intelligence analyst. There isn't much demand for uncleared analysts. Sure, some companies now hire Business Intelligence analysts, but they're looking for people with business experience, not years of experience looking at satellite imagery of north Africa. Also, …
/r/MensRights03/11/22 06:29 PM
12

How do you know you lost your clearance? Were you specifically told so? If you're not 100% sure, try to get in touch with a security officer from your former company (or unit). Ask them to pull up your file in JPAS. See if there's a note in there. I would imagine you should have been de-briefed. There is an office at the Pentagon called DOHA (Defense Office of Hearings and Appeals). They hear individual cases to re-instate clearances. You can't possibly be the first cleared man ever to be falsel…
/r/MensRights03/11/22 12:25 AM
2

The fastest way to finalize a divorce is to head to trial I'm not sure this is universally true. In my case, my ex-wife's lawyer promised her everything -- and I mean EVERYTHING: full custody, tons of support, all the cash and prizes plus the Sun, Moon and stars. So, when I asked her to compromise, her reply was, of course, "Why would I? I can get it all at trial." You might think a trial would be the best place to put her in her place. Ultimately, it was. But to get there, the lawyers exchanged…
/r/Divorce_Men02/11/22 03:55 AM
–

You make some valid points. But I already know how most women will respond. They'll proudly announce that they don't OWE anyone sex and no man is ENTITLED to sex. They really love using the words 'owe' and 'entitled' when this issue comes up. But this misses the point completely. I don't know any reasonable man who actually thinks he is owed sex (like in a legal sense). Women want to immediately twist the issue into rape and violence. I've even seen women totally misunderstand Jordan Peterson's …
/r/MensRights01/11/22 06:37 AM
–

the word incel ... use[d] ... to ... call out misogynistic behavior Actually, it's worse than that. Now, it's a generic insult against any man for any reason. Kinda like the way many women use 'narcissistic' to mean 'asshole' -- or 'gaslighting' to mean 'disagreeable'.
/r/MensRights01/11/22 06:31 AM
2

she is always telling kids they can’t get something because dad won’t pay for it That shit cuts deep. I realize courts don't care about a man's feelings. But when child support encourages a situation that results in deep emotional wounds, it's little wonder it all becomes adversarial. I would gladly pay my kids whatever it takes to make them happy, so long as they know it's from me. But if I'm forced to pay the mom, and she gets to be the hero and make me the villain, then I agree: pay what the …
/r/Divorce_Men31/10/22 12:17 PM
5

My contributions: http://black.blue/marriage/She_Took_It_All.m4v http://black.blue/marriage/Sell_It_To_Me.m4v http://black.blue/marriage/This_Face.m4v http://black.blue/marriage/Flinging.m4v
/r/Divorce_Men29/10/22 07:48 PM
15

American women astound me with their ability to rationalize anything They won't take your name in the marriage, but they'll happily take your house in the divorce.
/r/Divorce_Men27/10/22 07:20 PM
6

My divorce was Super Bowl XLVII. I was the 49ers. She was the Ravens. I had more first downs. I had more yards rushing. I had more passes. I had more 4th down efficiency. I had more yards per rush. I had more sacked/total yards. I had more turnovers. I had more punt average yards. I had fewer interceptions. I had more total net yards and more total passing yards. But I still lost. EDIT: The coaches (the lawyers and judges?) were related and pretty much decided how the game was going to end even …
/r/Divorce_Men27/10/22 04:54 AM
1

Yeah, I can vent. In fact, this is the sugar-coated version of how I feel. Thanks for reading it all. I can go on all day.
/r/Divorce_Men25/10/22 01:07 AM
-11

Since when did this become a dating subreddit? Not only that, but now we're giving dating advice to some limp dick who can't figure out what the Hell he's doing with women?
/r/Divorce_Men25/10/22 01:06 AM
2

They are just looking out for themselves. Perfectly rational I disagree that it's simply a case of looking out for themselves. The reason is because there's an external cost. Let me ask some rhetorical questions. If I committed perjury in court, is it justified because I'm "looking out for myself"? What if I hid money, hid documents, lied that my wife hit the kids, and manipulated the legal system to destroy her relationship with the kids and needlessly drove-up her legal bills to discourage her…
/r/Divorce_Men22/10/22 02:59 PM
7

It's good advice, but maybe overkill. If you look carefully at some extradition treaties, many do NOT include cases where the underlying crime isn't a crime at all in the other country. For example: Being delinquent in alimony isn't a crime in Brazil or Thailand. So those countries won't ever extradite a man for that back to the USA. It's simply not a crime in those places. It's not as if the man is wanted for murder or drugs. But having a valid passport is vital. Consider Robert Sand -- the #1 …
/r/Divorce_Men22/10/22 05:22 AM
4

Before you do anything alarming, be sure to get a new passport with a 10-year expiration date. That gives you ten years to decide what to do. While you're at it, get a passport card. They're only good for land crossings into the USA from Canada and Mexico. But if you ever want to "test the waters", you can leave your passport book in Mexico, and try to cross with just the passport card. If you get rolled-up, you can always slip away at the first opportunity, and have your passport book waiting f…
/r/Divorce_Men22/10/22 05:10 AM
1

Oh, brother, I have totally lost all respect for lawyers after my divorce. Now I really understand all the lawyer jokes, and even Shakespeare, when he said, "First, we kill all the lawyers." When someone says they're a family law attorney, I immediately think they're doing it only because the Nazis weren't hiring or they couldn't get a job clubbing baby seals. Especially when a family with children is being torn apart, how the Hell can someone lie and cheat and destroy a father/child bond, for p…
/r/Divorce_Men21/10/22 08:17 PM
16

Responsible men make the world a better place I agree 100%. Now, if the Family Courts would GET THE HELL OUT OF MY WAY AND LET ME DO IT, everything would be fine. Long story, but my kids are worse off after some idiot in a black robe supposedly looked out for their "best interests".
/r/Divorce_Men21/10/22 11:16 AM
2

how could I [have] kept her happy ? There's an article out there called My Doomed Mission to Make Her Happy. Even if you don't read it, you can probably already guess what it says. You're not the first man to make this mistake... and IT IS A MISTAKE to entertain these thoughts.
/r/Divorce_Men16/10/22 11:51 PM
7

I saw a feminist comment saying “we should support single mothers” I can do better. I've seen a woman who almost became President saying "we should support single mothers". No mention of fathers like me at all who want to be more involved in their children's lives. Then she called me 'deplorable'. I can't imagine why she didn't get my vote.
/r/MensRights11/10/22 09:00 PM
1

we often see feminists using it as an ... insult Often? I think it's more like 99%. If you browse the 2X subreddit, it's an extremely common insult that no longer has any connection to the original meaning, much like narcissist or gaslighting (both of which, according to many women, is someone who disagrees with them). In a debate, a woman called me an Incel. I've been married twice. I have kids. I've had sexual relationships with women since high school. I'm in a sexual relationship right now. …
/r/MensRights11/10/22 08:49 PM
You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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