~ archived since 2018 ~
~ archived since 2018 ~
| Upvotes | Comment on | Subreddit | Date (UTC) |
|---|---|---|---|
| 13 | Considering divorce how bad/good can this get?You have to talk to an attorney. If you've got $200k in home equity, then you'll either sell the house and split it or one of you will need to buy the other out through a refi. Cars are the same, either sell and split the cash or assess values and split the difference somehow. In my state, alimony is half the length of the marriage typically. But some states, 10 years may get you on the hook for a lifetime of alimony. Every divorce is different. Only an attorney will be able to give you good and… | /r/Divorce_Men | 22/12/23 03:11 PM |
| 8 | I don’t want a relationship again because I’m worried what it will do to my two boys.I understand the sentiment, but this seems super melodramatic. It's sad to think I'll never have that type of love again Uh, what? You can fall in love as a divorced person. You can fall in love with someone you're not living with. Or who hasn't met your children and isn't intertwined in your life. And if you're looking to cohabitate again, kids aren't kids forever. By the time they're teenagers they will give no shits about what you're doing or who you're with. Spend the time between now and wh… | /r/Divorce_Men | 20/12/23 02:34 PM |
| 1 | I don’t want a relationship again because I’m worried what it will do to my two boys.If you're "confused in your own mind", you need to do nothing. Don't get into a relationship until you're less confused. But as a divorced man, your life is your own. I've been divorced 2 years now. I have only introduced my kids to one woman, and it was about 8 months after we started dating. I'm dating around again now, and I haven't told my kids or my ex. It is none of their business until I decide to introduce them, which may be never. You're not required to introduce a new partner to your k… | /r/Divorce_Men | 20/12/23 02:30 PM |
| 4 | Agree on all but CS. She wants max CS + 50/50 custody. That seem right or is she asking way too much?You need to talk to an attorney. In IL child support is a calculator where you plug in various numbers and the calculator shoots out a number. That’s what it is paid, every time, non-negotiable from what I was told. I pay what the calculator shat out. | /r/Divorce_Men | 19/12/23 01:40 AM |
| 1 | What was the cost of your divorce?It's a way to transfer money out of a 401k without paying penalties/taxes. My ex declined alimony although I'm still not sure why she did that... I do pay child support, my state requires that. The state also defines the child support. It's a mathematical calculation and can't really be negotiated so there was no much to discuss. | /r/Divorce_Men | 13/10/23 08:48 PM |
| 1 | What was the cost of your divorce?Illinois, 2 years ago. We both retained our own attorneys, but we did the split ourselves by looking at all finances/assets, and arranging how the division would go. Attorneys reviewed looking out for our individual best interests, made a few small changes/revisions, and that was it. The QDRO was a big and unexpected expense. I had no idea it’d be that much. I thought it was basically filling out a form. | /r/Divorce_Men | 13/10/23 01:58 PM |
| 3 | What was the cost of your divorce?Holy shit, reading these comments, I got extremely lucky. My lawyer and hers cost about $3k each, then an additional $4k for the QDRO. So about $10k all in, took about 3 months in total. We didn’t fight over much. | /r/Divorce_Men | 12/10/23 05:19 PM |
| 1 | Do I tell the kids even though my wife is forbidding it?This is honestly the wrong sub to ask. Your kids are old enough to handle the truth but honestly, the truth coming from you isn’t the best course in my opinion. It will look petty and small, and she’ll likely retaliate in some way. I’d not tell the kids. I would tell trusted friends and family and not make it a closely guarded secret. Let the word travel organically, and confirm it if they approach you with it. Rule number one in divorce is to not badmouth the other parent. Doing that will not h… | /r/Divorce_Men | 11/10/23 03:38 PM |
| 3 | Men who wanted outI wanted out. I asked for a divorce several times before I actually got it. I knew the marriage was bad, and I knew there was basically no hope to recover it. For me, divorce has been great. I came out of it easier than most really... we didn't fight much through the divorce. I lost a good chunk of money and it reset some long-term financial planning, but 2 years later, I don't even think about it anymore really. Just focused on rebuilding bigger and better than ever. I think my ex wanted out to… | /r/Divorce_Men | 09/10/23 11:02 PM |
| 1 | How did you survive your first 2 months after a separation?Projects. I started a bunch of projects. Some were small, like models I bought to put together and paint. Some were larger, like home improvement and wood working projects. I remember one weekend realizing I didn’t really have anything to do and I painstakingly hand-scrubbed all the hardwood/ceramic floors and used my hand-shampooer to do the carpets. I spent all weekend on my hands and knees cleaning floors just to stay productive. It’s been 2 years since the divorce now (almost) and I still do… | /r/Divorce_Men | 18/09/23 08:55 PM |
| 5 | Why don't fathers tell sons not to get married?I don’t think “relationship” needs to be a romantic relationship. | /r/Divorce_Men | 13/09/23 05:50 PM |
| 18 | Why don't fathers tell sons not to get married?After all the work I’ve done about this in therapy, I feel like I could write a fucking book. My parents stayed married until my mom died, but I’m not sure I’d call theirs a happy marriage. Neither of my parents were bad people, but they only seemed like acquaintances to me. They didn’t interact much. They didn’t go on dates, or spend time together really. My dad basically lived in the garage, my mom lived in the recliner in the living room. And that’s what life was. I got married ‘cause that’s … | /r/Divorce_Men | 13/09/23 03:15 PM |
| 1 | Post-divorce intimacy: paid vs non-paid!For me it’s an issue of legality. I have no problem with sex work. It is between 2 consenting adults and no one gets hurt. To me it seems like any other field… you have a need, you can pay someone to have that need satisfied. I don’t understand why people have a moral/ethical issue with something like this just because it involves genitals. I’m in the US and have only had 1 paid encounter, and it was almost accidental honestly. It was a lap dance that turned into a blow job before I really even … | /r/Divorce_Men | 05/09/23 07:35 PM |
| 3 | Walk Away WifeThat kind of makes sense, really. We divorced just before her 40th birthday. She changed very dramatically, very quickly. All the sudden she was into psychics, tarot, past lives. She started spending time with new friends, cutting ties with the old ones. She started coming “out” as bisexual, her sexual interests changed suddenly and dramatically. And most importantly, she turned weed from a “weekend fun time” to a “high all day every day time” which became impossible for me to deal with. I think… | /r/Divorce_Men | 04/09/23 07:29 PM |
| 4 | Walk Away WifeWell the good news is that your kids are older. If you’re on the line for CS it won’t be for long. I don’t know what state you’re in, but alimony will be painful but temporary (hopefully). Talk to an attorney, get your affairs in order. Beyond that man, the only thing to say are the cliches. We’ve all been there. Work on yourself. Lawyer, gym, Facebook, etc. But they’re cliches for a reason. They work and they’re solid advice. My ex also told me I was holding her back. This is the woman who lean… | /r/Divorce_Men | 04/09/23 04:02 PM |
| 4 | So, my wife decided that enough as enough, we will get seperatedAll your stories from your OP and especially these ones, I am having crazy flashbacks to married life. I read in your other comment your wife is amazing hot, mine was too. I see a trend here. Anyway I’ve been divorced almost 2 years ago and life is great. I can RELAX sometimes. It’s incredible. Get out dude. It’s ok on the other side. | /r/Divorce_Men | 01/09/23 04:13 PM |
| 1 | How are you guys able to live alone?It’s all about your headspace and your goals and motivations honestly. For me, instead of continuing to think about what I’d lost, I instead thought about what I had gained. A life where I didn’t have to live to appease my ex. I could decide everything that happens in my home and don’t have to ask anyone or explain anything. I just live my life, do the things I want to do, make the decisions I think are best. If you miss having a dog, get a fucking dog. If you miss having a house, now you have a… | /r/Divorce_Men | 22/08/23 05:45 PM |
| 4 | STBX Wife is not telling mutual friends about her affair partner - correct record or no comment?I think the easy advice is “tell everyone everything”, but really, that feels like one of those things that feels good in the moment, but you’ll look back and feel icky about it. Even if it’s true, it’s sorta gossipy and catty, and even a little petty. If it were me, I’d tell the whole truth to my closest friends whose friendships meant the most to me. Not to spread around shit, just to connect with friends and get support. The rumors will spread organically anyway, but you’ve kept your hands cl… | /r/Divorce_Men | 16/08/23 01:39 PM |
| 0 | Financial Abuse?Did you read the message you replied to? I already said I was the main breadwinner, by a lot. We both had every right to watch nickels and dimes, that's not the point. But she didn't have the right to tell me what I could and could not buy and place all sorts of restrictions on me, while she herself had none. | /r/Divorce_Men | 10/08/23 09:41 PM |
| 1 | Financial Abuse?So you're saying physical abuse is the only form of abuse, because it is violent? You realize the word "abuse" has different contexts right? Like drug abuse isn't beating the shit out of drugs, it's taking more drugs than you should. Should "drug abuse" not be a phrase anymore? What about sexual abuse? Does that fit your definition? What about verbal abuse? Does that count or should "abuse" only be used with physical cases? "Abuse" is a descriptor, and it is an accurate one in this case. No one … | /r/Divorce_Men | 10/08/23 09:39 PM |
| 1 | Financial Abuse?This just isn’t true. Financial abuse is a real thing. That doesn’t mean that everyone claiming it is right of course, but it also doesn’t mean that overuse of the term means it’s meaningless. In fact, I think I (the man and breadwinner of the marriage) was financially abused. It was minor but constant. She’d track our bank accounts VERY carefully and question and judge me for every purchase. I had to get her approval before buying things that were quite small (anything over like $50, she wanted… | /r/Divorce_Men | 10/08/23 05:21 PM |
| 4 | Wife says she has “Outgrown our Marriage”I was more trying to address the "it's not fair, it's doesn't make sense, am I crazy" portions of the message. It's not fair, it may not make sense... But, like, it's the reality. So you either wallow in self pity or move on. I'm saying move on. | /r/Divorce_Men | 07/08/23 09:51 PM |
| 5 | Wife says she has “Outgrown our Marriage”Since my divorce, I’m sort of in this, “whatever makes you happy” kind of camp I guess. I desperately wanted a divorce and to get out of my shitty marriage, but it’s not because my ex was cheating or a drug addict or anything. We’d just grown up and grown apart. We shared nothing in common anymore. Our interactions were forced and awkward. We fought too much. I was simply very unhappy, but when people asked why I wanted a divorce, I didn’t have much of an answer. I just was done being married to… | /r/Divorce_Men | 07/08/23 07:49 PM |
| 1 | I do not want to save this marriage, and I married for ONLY the wrong reasonsTruth be told, I don’t think I’ve ever really loved her and that’s only been made clear by how much I actually love my sons. Wow, this is crazy. I had identical thoughts after we had kids. I’ve never heard anyone else say this, but I had the same thoughts. I didn’t love my ex even a small fraction of what I feel for my kids. Fight for 50/50 custody and start traditions for the nights you’re away from your kids. I’m fortunate that my kids still get off the bus with me every day, so I see them eve… | /r/Divorce_Men | 03/08/23 07:42 PM |
| 3 | Can I form an LLC before the divorce is final?Talk to your attorney. My ex bought a house in the midst of a divorce and there was a set template for such things. It’s more common than you’d think. She has to sign a thing stating she has no stake in the company. It’s quick and easy. If she won’t sign, then wait a month. | /r/Divorce_Men | 12/07/23 04:01 AM |
| 7 | Ex-Wife stole $3K…what recourse do I have?You shouldn't have signed it until she did. | /r/Divorce_Men | 11/07/23 10:33 PM |
| 2 | She wants to get a mediator. Settle this without getting messy with lawyers.The rental house proceeds may be all yours really, if you owned that house before the marriage you may be able to argue that it wasn’t a marital asset. No idea on alimony but I think in most states it’s half the duration of the marriage. So even though it sucks, it only sucks for about 6.5 years. Same deal with child support, it falls off as the kids age out. Divorced life isn’t so bad really. Fight for 50/50 custody and try to ignore the financial stuff. You can make your money back, but you ca… | /r/Divorce_Men | 11/07/23 01:24 PM |
| 5 | Tired and seriously considering divorce, am I setting myself up for a lifetime of guilt and regret?Holy shit man, I feel like I could’ve written your post myself. You basically described my marriage, where my ex was extremely critical and controlling in minor but constant ways. It really wears you down over time. It’s just any one comment, it’s that they’re unrelenting and all just a reminder of how unsatisfied your spouse is with you. I tried my best to satisfy her but I really just couldn’t do it. I feel like I spent years just bashing my head against the wall trying to make her happy and g… | /r/Divorce_Men | 08/07/23 01:48 AM |
| 2 | How much did divorce cost you?It was about $5-6k for the divorce itself if memory serves. We both had attorneys but we were both pretty fair during the whole thing honestly. A few months later I had to pay an attorney another $4500 or so for the QDRO stuff. I had no idea it’d cost that much to give away more money, but that’s what it was. So total, around $10k plus the money the ex got. In general I feel like it was fair and I got off pretty easy compared to how it goes for a lot of guys here. | /r/Divorce_Men | 04/07/23 09:01 PM |
| 2 | Kids met ex new partnerI love how most of the comments say the same thing. You’ve got to find a way to stop worrying about things you can’t control. That’s part of divorce. She goes off and lives the way she wants, and you do too. My ex is sort of chaotic and weird. She’s not malicious or mean, but she’s short-sighted and makes the worst decisions most of the time. She’s continued the insanity she’s always had in divorce, telling our kids she’s pansexual and details about dating women between me and her boyfriend. My … | /r/Divorce_Men | 04/07/23 02:55 PM |
| 2 | Help?I relate to a lot of what you said here. In fact my early posts under this account said similar things. No big problems, hundreds of small ones. I was with my ex for 15 years, married 12 of them. Our relationship was as challenging as it seems your is. I gave, gave, gave, but it never was enough. I was the cause of every injustice in the world. She looked at me like I was an enemy. The house was stressful and tense and uncomfortable. Through the years I developed strategies to avoid her. Like yo… | /r/Divorce_Men | 16/06/23 01:39 PM |
| 1 | Is this what the average divorce agreement looks like?Like the others, I didn’t read the link. But yes, if there’s kids involved, then you have to make decisions that are for their best interests. If myself or my ex want to move more than 25 miles away, we have to give notice and rework our parenting plan. The custodial parent is required to stay in the kids’ school district unless notice given and a parenting plan altered. Custody agreements are written in a way that handoffs are on certain days at certain times, so you’re required to be there on … | /r/Divorce_Men | 15/06/23 06:11 PM |
| 4 | Forgive the rant but I need to air all this out.Do not have sex with her. DO NOT GET HER PREGNANT. You’re doing the right thing by filing. This woman seems to have severe mental health issues, and you cannot help her solve them. Run far. Run fast. DO NOT GET HER PREGNANT. DO NOT GET HER PREGNANT. | /r/Divorce_Men | 15/06/23 02:31 PM |
| 0 | I'm tired of being called broken and jaded.Honestly the majority of the posts I read in this subreddit are from jaded and broken men. There’s nothing wrong with being jaded and broken. I’m definitely broken myself, and probably jaded. I think it’s better to realize it if you are broken and make attempts to fix it or at least not project your failed relationship onto all women. It’s funny because you say divorced men should be Elder Statesmen because we “see both sides”, but I’d really like you to think about that view. I would argue that… | /r/Divorce_Men | 14/06/23 08:57 PM |
| 3 | Is marriage that bad?This is a subreddit full of men who were burned and now hate women, so I think most people will tell you that it is horrible and you should avoid it. I was also burned in marriage and probably damaged. I know I won’t marry again. I blame a combination of specifically my ex and the type of person she was, and my own issues that I am working on separately. I don’t blame all women or assume they are all vicious animals out to get me. If you’re the type who wants to marry, and you trust yourself to … | /r/Divorce_Men | 14/06/23 08:43 PM |
| 14 | Is it worth it?This sub is full of misogynists, just so that you’re aware. You can take their feedback with a grain of salt. I’m coming off my first break-up since the divorce. We were together a little over a year and our relationship was wonderful. We broke it off because she wanted to discuss a future life together, but I’m not in a place where I’m ready for that. I’m not sure I will be. My marriage was hard and I don’t want to repeat that with such an intensely intertwined life. But a relationship with a w… | /r/Divorce_Men | 14/06/23 07:23 PM |
| 3 | Financial StressI hear you man. I came out of divorce better than most, but financially things have been a bit of a struggle. I was starting renovations on an investment property during the divorce. My ex ended up taking the money I’d put aside for all the renovations. I was stuck with a property I couldn’t fix and couldn’t rent and couldn’t sell (it was bought as a short sale, so I was obligated to keep it for a year). I ended up having to borrow a bunch of money from my dad, and put the rest on credit cards. … | /r/Divorce_Men | 11/04/23 07:35 PM |
| 1 | The patriarchy?The question, “what are my thoughts on the patriarchy”? Why do my thoughts matter to you? Are you truly looking for insight from others, or are you looking for a platform to use big words and try to sound smart about how insightful you are? | /r/Divorce_Men | 10/04/23 02:19 PM |
| 1 | The patriarchy?So what is your way? Living off the grid and away from all society? Have fun with that man, I don’t care. But don’t judge those of us who want to live a comfortable life while fighting the system in our own way. | /r/Divorce_Men | 10/04/23 02:15 PM |
| 2 | The patriarchy?I think this is the perfect example of how exhausting and annoying wokeness is. And I am saying this as a pretty far-left guy who thinks movements like feminism, BLM, and #metoo are good and positive movements which will help course-correct. I think capitalism and consumerism is misguided. I think the system is rigged. But fuck, people just sound so fucking insufferable when they talk like that. It always comes across the same way your post does: holier than thou, smarter than everyone, “I see t… | /r/Divorce_Men | 10/04/23 01:53 PM |
| 1 | Tell me it comes back aroundThis will turn around when you want it to, and do the work necessary. This story reminds me of my own. We decided to divorce, and within days I saw charges come through for dating apps and she was spending the night at another man’s house. We lived together for nearly 4 months as we worked through the divorce. It was a difficult time of life, but it did eventually end. But whether or not this bothered me was entirely up to me and me alone. I couldn’t stop her from doing whatever and didn’t want … | /r/Divorce_Men | 03/04/23 04:20 PM |
| 1 | Does it ever get better with a narcissist?My ex still tries to make me miserable, but we’re divorced now so I have full control over whether she’s successful or not. I applied very clear and non-negotiable boundaries. She’s tried yelling at me a few times, on the phone or in person. I just calmly say, “I won’t be spoken to like that. This conversation is over.” Then I walk away or hang up. If she sends me an aggressive text that is meant to get me riled up, I just ignore it and don’t reply to it and it’s out of my head a few minutes lat… | /r/Divorce_Men | 25/03/23 01:21 PM |
| 2 | Wife and I starting The TalkYou should take that answer as “no, I’m not willing to make the effort”. I’m sure it’s tough to hear. I said that same thing to my ex. It was hard to say and harder for her to hear I think. My marriage was just HARD. It was constant work, all day, every day, and I was miserable. I still did the work though, for 12 long years. At the end, I felt I had given everything I had to give and I was miserable and lonely and unhappy. I gave up on the marriage. We divorced. You can’t change what your wife … | /r/Divorce_Men | 15/03/23 04:35 PM |
| 2 | Fears that kept you from pulling the plug?Ah, yes, when I was making my list I forgot about not wanting to “fail” at marriage. I thought it’d be so embarrassing to admit to myself and everyone else that I failed. But it turns out it was no big deal. It was a weight off my shoulders really. I know it caught some people off guard, but other than one noteable event, no one has judged me for my divorce at all. No one gives a shit if you “fail”. NO ONE CARES. But it was still a concern for me, too. | /r/Divorce_Men | 13/03/23 02:42 PM |
| 2 | Fears that kept you from pulling the plug?I wanted to get divorced for years before it happened. I was scared of a few things. Parenting. I knew I’d miss my kids desperately and couldn’t stand the idea of not seeing them every day. Money. I make a decent living and have a lot in savings/retirement. I was worried about the financial hit. A new dad. Related to the parenting thing, I thought my ex would shack up with another guy right away and I’d need to compete with the new guy for being a dad. Going it alone. For as much as I hated my e… | /r/Divorce_Men | 13/03/23 02:40 PM |
| 3 | Don’t know how to deal with emotions.You need therapy dude. Don’t be ashamed. Just talk it out with a professional. It helps. | /r/Divorce_Men | 09/03/23 07:38 PM |
| 14 | First time having sex after divorce and it suckedDon’t stress man. The first few times I had sex after my divorce were awful. I would lose or just not be able to get an erection, neither of us would finish. It was a disaster. Through the rocky marriage and divorce, it’d been a LONG time since I’d had sex. Her too. She was out of a long relationship and hadn’t orgasmed in years. We just kept communicating and trying. I got a viagra script to get me “over the hump” as they say. it worked, things started improving. It was probably session #4 or 5… | /r/Divorce_Men | 27/02/23 07:24 PM |
| 2 | I'm so scared of the unknown, what the other side looks like.It’s harder to get out and socialize as a divorced person. I’ve experienced it myself. I was no longer invited to couple things, and I’m still not. Sometimes I’m invited to family stuff, barbeques and stuff, but it depends on whether me or my ex have the kids. Whoever has the kids is the one invited. But life is weird man. If you hold on and open yourself up to change, things can change and improve. After my divorce several guys who were acquaintences became friends. They’d open up about their m… | /r/Divorce_Men | 14/02/23 02:38 PM |
| -2 | Spouse asked for a divorce yesterday, I was told this was a good group by someone. I have some basic questions.That's fine. You can hate a singular woman without hating the gender. The post I replied to was sort of pathetic honestly. | /r/Divorce_Men | 13/02/23 11:07 PM |
| -10 | Spouse asked for a divorce yesterday, I was told this was a good group by someone. I have some basic questions.This is incredibly misogynistic. | /r/Divorce_Men | 13/02/23 08:20 PM |
| 0 | Spouse asked for a divorce yesterday, I was told this was a good group by someone. I have some basic questions.I didn’t and don’t let me bother me. My marriage was difficult for both of us, pretty loveless and just a burden honestly. She needed a man to listen and support her emotionally, and I wasn’t that man for a while. Once we decided to split, she found her new one. It was a guy we’ve known in our orbit for many years. She may have had something with him while married. I’m not sure and I don’t particularly care if she did. I’m so thankful and relieved to be divorced, nothing else really matters at a… | /r/Divorce_Men | 13/02/23 06:10 PM |
| 3 | Spouse asked for a divorce yesterday, I was told this was a good group by someone. I have some basic questions.50/50 will work however you decide it’ll work. If your ex will stay at home and not work, then I assume you’ll be paying her alimony or support or something to make that work. If your ex goes and finds a job, it’ll depend on her income and schedule. My kids were already in school when I divorced so this never came up. I have the kids more than 50% of the time honestly, and I prefer it that way. They get off the bus with me every day, and then my ex will come pick them up on “her nights”. On my n… | /r/Divorce_Men | 13/02/23 06:04 PM |
| 3 | Spouse asked for a divorce yesterday, I was told this was a good group by someone. I have some basic questions.Lawyer. Complex question. Kisses and “I love you” were sort of reflexive in my marriage. We said the words often, but I stopped saying them the second we decided to divorce. I think that sends a confusing message. We lived together during the divorce process and that sucked, and in times of that raw emotional sadness, we leaned on each other for support. We hugged a lot, expressed a lot of sympathy and regret. We eventually had to stop doing that. It made a painful situation more painful. I’d st… | /r/Divorce_Men | 13/02/23 04:58 PM |
| 1 | My wife (26F) and I (31M) have both decided that we’re ready to divorce, there is no recovering from things that have happened. She’s open to giving me 50/50 custody of our child, and mediation, i’d appreciate any feedbackMany times, child support is not up for debate or negotiation. In my state (IL) we submitted the divorce with no child support included (my ex tried to reject it, oddly enough). The judge would not sign off. We had to follow the state requirements for child support, which essentially came down to a math equation (percentage of time with the children [which I had 50%], incomes for each parent, who paid health insurance, etc.) and the system spat out a number and that’s what I need to pay. She cou… | /r/Divorce_Men | 03/02/23 03:14 PM |
| 8 | How can I stop a Divorce.Not the most subtle advice you’ll ever read, but man, you’ve gotta man the fuck up, keep your chin up, fake some confidence for a while, and take control back in your life. Your “woe is me” attitude may feel good in the moment, but it accomplishes nothing and makes you look and feel like a groveling pansy. Of course it only takes 1 person to divorce. How else would it work? Marriages don’t trap people. Your wife’s reasons don’t matter all. She’s done with you. Don’t chase after her begging her t… | /r/Divorce_Men | 03/02/23 03:09 PM |
| 3 | Is Divorce worth it?Divorce has been worth it for me. This whole sub is full of men who faced the decision you did. For a lot of us, it wasn’t some crazy divorce story. Just a marriage that died but stayed legal on paper. Every divorced member on this sub had to look at the decision of divorce and weigh it against the same list of “cons” that you listed here. Divorce is expensive, it’s disruptive, it’s hard on the children, it’s tough financially. I think most of us looked at this list and thought, “eh… seems hard,… | /r/Divorce_Men | 02/02/23 10:05 PM |
| 1 | How to protect myself in the future (wife is low income)Not 50%, but alimony is based on your income so yes, she will be owed some of that money even if you have no joint assets. Every single item you buy will need split in a divorce. Cars, furniture, electronics, 401ks, etc. There’s no world in which you won’t buy shared assets, that’s just not how this works. EVERYTHING you buy and all money in any accounts are fair game for splitting. Your income will be at least partially hers in the form of alimony for a few years minimum, forever if the marriag… | /r/Divorce_Men | 17/01/23 04:06 PM |
| 6 | Reminder: Wait at least one year after Divorce before dating.We’re in the same boat man. I’m in a relationship with a woman now. I see her once a week. We go out to eat, we have a few drinks, we smoke a little weed, we watch some TV or go to a movie or concert, we have sex. Then we go back to our normal lives. My relationship is a little more intertwined than your ideal. She’s met a couple of my friends and I’ve met some of hers. But our relationship is 90% just me and her, having fun, enjoying each other. It’s easily the best relationship I’ve ever been … | /r/Divorce_Men | 13/01/23 09:32 PM |
| 9 | Reminder: Wait at least one year after Divorce before dating.I honestly think any and all timelines are arbitrary. A year is just one cycle of the earth around the sun, it is not a magic number of days in which emotional trauma is healed. As if dating at day 360 is any different than dating at day 367. Better to have a checklist of things to process/heal and do that at the rate that is comfortable and that you’re capable of. For some men it’ll be far less than a year, some men much more. There’s nothing magical about “a year”. I’m maybe a bit defensive. W… | /r/Divorce_Men | 13/01/23 06:19 PM |
| 2 | Temporarily Living With Your Ex-Wife or Soon-To-Be Your Ex-WfeI relate. We decided to divorce and lived together throughout the divorce and for a few weeks afterwards as she finalized her new place. Honestly, it was HORRIBLE. Much worse than I expected. We lived in a pretty large house and I basically just stayed in the basement and she stayed upstairs. She never really needed to come down, but I needed to go up to do laundry and use the kitchen. Our interactions were awkward and strained. We fought loudly and often. It was uncomfortable the whole time. I … | /r/Divorce_Men | 06/01/23 05:18 PM |
| 1 | When that "enough is enough"?Yeah, it’s weird how divorce stories run parallel sometimes. My marriage was a 12-year slow-motion train wreck, but it hit high speed once I told my ex how unhappy I was, and how I was going to attend therapy and start figuring out how to find happiness in my life. My therapist and I worked on establishing boundaries with her, telling her “no”, and setting aside some time for things I enjoy, like hobbies or time with friends. It was all in an effort to just find happiness and relief, since I kne… | /r/Divorce_Men | 15/12/22 04:47 PM |
| 1 | When that "enough is enough"?100% agree. You described my marriage as well. A constant test to see if maybe this time I can actually make my wife happy enough to give me a day or two of peace without constant fights and reminders about how I’m not living up to goals she’d set for me, or fulfilling her in some way. I also felt drained. Every single day I felt exhausted from giving so much to the marriage with absolutely nothing left for me. And I think I could’ve tolerated that life if she’d just been kind to me for it, inst… | /r/Divorce_Men | 15/12/22 03:03 PM |
| 5 | When that "enough is enough"?Holy shit, I just had a flashback to marriage based on your texting story. While married, my wife insisted I text her back right away. I tried to be vigilant, but ya know, shit happens. I got scolded often for that. I swear she used phones and texting to fuck with me. It’s honestly the only way it all makes sense. I think at some point in the past, she blocked me from calling. I’m not sure why she’d ever do that, but no joke, in the last 3 years of marriage I was totally unable to call her. Righ… | /r/Divorce_Men | 14/12/22 08:55 PM |
| 1 | Struggles with getting in the moment and getting a boner with a new women?It happened to me. Once it happened once it kept happening. After a few failures I got Viagra. After a few successes that way, I stopped taking it and it's been fine since. Get those magic pills if you need them. That's what they're for. | /r/Divorce_Men | 03/12/22 06:58 PM |
| 1 | How did you know it was time to pull the rip cord vs "working it out"?I was with my ex for 15 years, married 12, and in marriage counseling for 10. We did all the stuff. Counseling, retreats, books, bonding exercises, etc. It all made marriage very challenging honestly. She and I were not supposed to be together, but we were forcing it anyway. I learned a lot in all that therapy. I became a better man and more in touch with my emotions, better able to handle conflict even outside of marriage, and more. But it did not save my marriage. At the end of the day, we wer… | /r/Divorce_Men | 16/11/22 02:49 PM |
| 2 | Divorce or Give it another shot?Nah, you should leave. You should’ve left a while ago honestly. Now you may owe her alimony based on your higher salary. If you manage to stay married to her a few more years, you may owe her lifetime alimony. And listen, I’m not one who thinks alimony is always unreasonable. But this woman cheated on you, lied about… you’ve basically moved on with your life already and she’s continuing to intrude and throw you into a tailspin of self-doubt. You’re more than halfway out already man. Get the divo… | /r/Divorce_Men | 01/11/22 01:42 PM |
| 3 | I wanted to get divorce without good reason (discovered marriage isn’t for me) however I know it will make my wife really sad she loves me so I decided to stay, married 2 years, child on the way, did I do the right thing?You’re not asking me but I’ll answer it anyway. I got married because that’s what people of my age in my place do. I dated my ex throughout my 20’s, and back at those ages, relationships tend to just keep progressing until you get married. I honestly didn’t know what I was getting myself into. I’d never been married. I figured out pretty quickly I didn’t like it, but I was married and made my vows and it was just easier to stay. By the time I started wanting to fix some of my problems, it was to… | /r/Divorce_Men | 28/10/22 05:44 PM |
| 2 | I wanted to get divorce without good reason (discovered marriage isn’t for me) however I know it will make my wife really sad she loves me so I decided to stay, married 2 years, child on the way, did I do the right thing?I do have kids… they were 9 and 5 when we split. Your views of marriage mirror mine. I am a very independent person and I really value my time. It was somewhere near impossible for me to find time for myself, my kids, my wife, my friends, my hobbies, managing life. I didn’t like sharing literally every single thing in my entire life with a person who didn’t seem to even like me all that much. We divorced like 9 or 10 months now. I am infinitely happier with some independence. I am finding myself… | /r/Divorce_Men | 28/10/22 03:14 PM |
| 2 | I wanted to get divorce without good reason (discovered marriage isn’t for me) however I know it will make my wife really sad she loves me so I decided to stay, married 2 years, child on the way, did I do the right thing?Need way more details about this “marriage isn’t for me” thing. I was married for 12 years, and I also tell people “marriage isn’t for me”. So in theory I agree with that sentiment, but I think I need more details on what YOU mean by that. | /r/Divorce_Men | 28/10/22 02:46 PM |
| 10 | told my wife the truth yesterdayThis is a great way to put it. I always said I took my vows seriously and I would not break them. I took pride in trudging through an impossible situation just because “I said I would”. It was ridiculous though. I was miserable. My ex was miserable. We’d tried our best to make a relationship work, but it just wasn’t working. Like you said, there’s no prize at the end of a high-conflict marriage. If you manage to keep trudging, your prize is that you wasted a life being unhappy. Then you die. Wha… | /r/Divorce_Men | 24/10/22 06:38 PM |
| 2 | STBXW sexting when my youngest child is aroundYeah, this is a first lesson of many ways you guys aren’t going to be compromising anymore. In one way, it’s frustrating to have no influence over what your ex does with the kids. In another way, it’s incredibly liberating to also not worry about what your ex thinks about things you do while the kids are with you. It works both ways. It’s an adjustment but it’s something you can’t change, so you just have to get used to it. | /r/Divorce_Men | 04/10/22 07:08 PM |
| 2 | Do I rip off the bandage?Yes, rip off the bandaid. It’s not fair to either of you to keep moving on knowing you’re checked out. If you’re not going to work on a sustainable marriage, then work on exiting it. Divorce can feel scary and overwhelming, but it’s better on the other side of it. No one can tell you when or how to break it to her. You know her best. Do it at a time and in a way that will mean the least amount of conflict. Sometimes that means serving divorce papers with no warning while separate, sometimes you … | /r/Divorce_Men | 29/09/22 06:20 PM |
| 5 | Guy who got divorce, is life better?Yep. Much happier divorced. | /r/Divorce_Men | 28/08/22 09:09 PM |
| 2 | Ex Wife is going out with female co workers, but she made it a challenge to find out. Why?She’s your ex. What do you even care? My ex and I only chat about schedules for the kids. That is literally it. If she needs me to watch the kids, I say yes or no based on my availability. I would never ask or care what she is doing while away. It is not my business. And she’s never asked what I’m doing, either. If she did, I’d be evasive because it’s none of her concern and I want to place clear boundaries around our interactions. Treat her like an ex. Don’t let this bother you. Move on. | /r/Divorce_Men | 25/06/22 01:32 PM |
| 2 | should I divorce him?You sound horrible. No wonder he doesn’t want to have sex with you. | /r/Divorce_Men | 15/06/22 02:30 PM |
| 7 | should I divorce him?Yep. Same here except the weight gain. Having my ex yell at me, question my manhood, ask me if I was gay, demand sex and tell me how I wasn't satisfying her isn't exactly a turn on. She'd have gotten A LOT further with a simple "I know I've been too hard on you. I'm sorry. I'll give you space on this issue. I'm ready when you are. Sorry for being so aggressive and demanding and controlling". I probably would've gotten a boner half way though that speech. "Why won't you fuck me?" made me want to … | /r/Divorce_Men | 15/06/22 01:40 AM |
| 9 | What was the moment you realized it was over?I think my real marriage ended when my mom died, and my ex took bereavement days as an opportunity for me to run errands for her, paint a room, and generally ignored the emotional needs after a pretty traumatic experience for me. And yet, I trudged through the marriage for several more years before we decided on divorce. I know the breaking point when we finally decided divorce was the only option. I’d abandoned our marriage therapy for my own individual therapy. I did that for several months be… | /r/Divorce_Men | 05/05/22 04:01 PM |
| 2 | Why is my soon to be Ex-Wife (30F) so angry and disrespectful towards me (33M)? She is the one dumping me.Oh man, I feel this. During my last year of marriage, my ex would tell me how little I helped her. How she did it all alone. How lost I would be without her. Meanwhile, she built her business for years while I paid for it. She lost money for the longest time, but I was supportive and helpful. She wouldn’t have built that business without me. She claims she paid for her college education herself, but I paid those loans with my job for over a decade. Why does she get full credit for paying them an… | /r/Divorce_Men | 12/04/22 07:45 PM |
| 2 | Nearly 3 months out from my divorce. Another update.Yeah man, I think we’re similar people with similar experiences. My ex got very used to be being a pushover/doormat guy, but I gave all that up the minute we decided to divorce. I started standing up for myself, pushing back, telling her “no”, placing firm boundaries. I think it really threw her into a panic, but it also helped me with my confidence issues. I am still sometimes tempted to help her when I don’t want to, or prioritize her needs above mine. But I just take a step back and remind my… | /r/Divorce_Men | 06/04/22 02:59 PM |
| 2 | Nearly 3 months out from my divorce. Another update.I read your post on DB… I’ve posted there myself a few times. We do share similarities. Like yours, my ex had OCD, and was incredibly negative and demanding. Our sex life was whatever she wanted it to be. My own preferences didn’t really come into the bedroom. Towards the end we stopped having sex entirely. If you read through DB a lot, you’ll find a common thread. Men with demanding and nagging wives turn into LL males pretty regularly. I do not have a low sex drive, but I never wanted to have … | /r/Divorce_Men | 06/04/22 01:38 PM |
| 2 | Nearly 3 months out from my divorce. Another update.Thank you! Yes, I remind myself every day to be thankful, and honestly this sub does help keep things in perspective. As I start thinking about how angry I am about some parts of my divorce, I read a story on here about someone who is dealing with much worse experiences. I am definitely starting to enjoy life in a way I haven’t in a very, very long time. It feels good. | /r/Divorce_Men | 06/04/22 01:22 PM |
| 2 | Nearly 3 months out from my divorce. Another update.It is weird to find myself single again after 15 years with my ex. In my 20s, I had to pursue HARD to get any female attention at all. 15 years later, much heavier and much balder, I’ve already found women interested in me without trying hardly at all. And yes, I was always told if I take care of people, they’ll return the favor. It took me 42 years to learn that’s wrong. I should take care of myself and let others take care of themselves, too. I sacrificed so much for my wife and took care of h… | /r/Divorce_Men | 06/04/22 01:20 PM |
| 6 | I think she is leaving today.Yeah this part was unbelievably weird. “I bought her take-out and weed so I won’t have to pay alimony”. Fuck man, if it was that easy/cheap, isn’t that what we all would’ve done?! | /r/Divorce_Men | 01/04/22 03:41 PM |
| 3 | How do you get over feeling responsible for the devorce?I have some of these thoughts, too. My ex changed significantly in a short amount of time, too. In her case, she got wrapped up in her cannabis addiction and swept up into TikTok and trying to be a social media influencer. In a short amount of time, everything about her changed and I could not relate to her. Anyway I’m divorced now. I do sometimes dig myself into that hole of wondering if I could’ve saved it. I could’ve been more accepting and accommodating. I could’ve worked harder to understan… | /r/Divorce_Men | 22/03/22 01:58 PM |
| 2 | Does anyone regret asking their wife for a divorce?I relate to a ton of what you posted here. Our issues weren't identical but outcomes were similar. It just felt like I was trudging through a life I didn't choose and didn't like and was powerless to change it while married. We decided to divorce in November and finalized it in January. I feel free, confident, strong. I thought I'd eventually find regret but so far haven't. I feel great. I'm not encouraging you to divorce, most men don't come out of divorce as well as I did. But having my life b… | /r/Divorce_Men | 13/03/22 03:29 PM |
| 2 | Success stories—guys please give us some success stories for post-divorce. I know some of us need some hope right now.I've only been divorced a few weeks now, but already see major positive changes. My confidence is returning. My money situation is hugely improved. I'm spending more time with friends and family. I enjoy the moments of solitude. My time with the kids is much more rewarding and fulfilling. It's not perfect, yet, but I'm a thousand percent better than I was a few months ago. It's all a process. | /r/Divorce_Men | 12/03/22 03:41 PM |
| 7 | We are hugging a lot in advance of divorce and it feels so strange—Yeah, we did this too. We were married 12 years, all of them pretty difficult with a lot of marriage therapy throughout. Most of our marriage, we sucked pretty hard at. But through enough practice we got decent at comforting each other and supporting each other through difficult times. We kept using those skills through our divorce. We did a lot of hugs, a lot of deep conversations expressing our sorrow and regret. Like you, it got me confused and was hurting a lot more than it was helping. I fi… | /r/Divorce_Men | 11/03/22 05:57 PM |
| 3 | How did you make it?My experience is hugely different from yours, so I’m not sure if my advice will even make sense here. I was married 12 years, but we had 2 kids and significant assets. In my case, both my ex and I knew we’d hit the end of our road in our relationship. Neither of us were all that sad about it when we decided to end it. Neither had those passionate pleas to stay. I’ve been divorced just a few weeks now, but I have no regrets at all. Sometimes I have some thoughts about what I should’ve done to sav… | /r/Divorce_Men | 10/03/22 07:05 PM |
| 6 | So, my turnAll great advice, but none greater than “grey rock”. I wish I had learned this technique sooner. I used it often during my divorce. Just shut off your emotions, your feedback, your anger and disgust. It is hard to do at first, but now it’s like a switch. My ex starts ramping up and I just shut down and nod quietly until she’s done, then carry on with my day. Grey rocking is great for your own mental health and it seems the only approach that will work to stop a fight before it gets out of contro… | /r/Divorce_Men | 23/02/22 04:43 PM |
| 1 | Have discussed divorce with wife. It will be amicable and we've agreed to finances and 50/50 custody for our youngest. My big question is, do you feel like you have enough time with your kids post divorce? And when they are adults, do you feel like you get to see enough of them?I got 50/50 custody and a divorce about as amicable as you could imagine. I’m pretty lucky, because the agreement I worked out with my ex still has the kids getting off the bus with me every day. So I see them for two hours every single day, including on “her nights“. And for me, yes. This feels like enough. I do miss them when they’re not around, but FaceTime and texting makes that easier. I’m lucky I get to see my kids every day. Your situation might be a little more difficult than mine. Use t… | /r/Divorce_Men | 23/02/22 02:14 PM |
| 3 | How long did it take you to stop putting the toilet seat down?Haha, I think my house is already generally cleaner and more well put together than when she was here. Not perfect but not terrible. | /r/Divorce_Men | 22/02/22 07:24 PM |
| 2 | How long did it take you to stop putting the toilet seat down?Just to be clear about my situation, my ex wanted the seat down, lid up, always. I was brow beaten into this for over a decade and I'm still doing it now. But I'm slowly training myself to leave it up, or down, or whatever I chose to do. It may seem weird to someone who hasn't lived with someone as ocd and controlling as my ex, but for years there's been a bit of a panic as I remembered to leave the toilet in the way she preferred. I'm happy to leave that panic behind now. I do have 2 girls, I g… | /r/Divorce_Men | 22/02/22 07:23 PM |
| 2 | Does “The woman you marry is not the same woman you divorce” ring true for you?Nah, my ex is the same. I just used to really like our differences, but with kids and age, the differences got to be too much. But she’s who I always knew she was. | /r/Divorce_Men | 13/02/22 11:10 PM |
| 1 | What do you guys DO?Yeah, when I was younger I definitely preferred alcohol. I guess I still tend to prefer it… I really like the way alcohol makes me feel, but in my old age (42 now) I don’t like the other effects. It makes me so bloated. I hate the frequent bathroom trips, the nausea and headache the next day, the way it hurts my sleep. A small amount of weed has seemingly no consequences I’ve noticed, other than the slight hippy hangover/super groggy feelings in the mornings that washes away so easily. But I kee… | /r/Divorce_Men | 13/02/22 02:59 AM |
| 1 | What do you guys DO?I definitely still dream too. Maybe I'm just a weird one. I sometimes get the hippy hangover but it's totally gone by the time I get out of the shower. It's been pretty helpful though the divorce honestly. Takes away all my worries and anxieties before bed. I think I'd have sleepless nights without it. Someday I'll cut it out, but I'm pretty ok with my usage (1/4-1/3 of a joint every night). When my kids are away I've been starting earlier and smoking more (1/2 a joint maybe) and that feels like… | /r/Divorce_Men | 13/02/22 02:02 AM |
| 2 | What do you guys DO?Dude I’m not much of a gamer at all, but I picked up an Oculus Quest 2 “for the kids” for Christmas. I got an app called Bigscreen which I fucking love. You can join or host virtual “theaters” where everyone watches the same show and chit-chats. I really enjoy doing it for a little social time. Games don’t do a lot for me but I like the social aspect. | /r/Divorce_Men | 10/02/22 09:17 PM |
| 2 | What do you guys DO?Haha, yep… It’s like it’s socially acceptable to grab a beer at a happy hour but totally unacceptable to toke up at the end of your day. I get that too. I never felt judged when drinking socially but I get condescending looks when people find out I enjoy cannabis. I just keep it to myself now. My kids are much younger, 9 and 5, and I’ll let them know I smoke when I think they’re ready to know it, but they’re too young for now. | /r/Divorce_Men | 10/02/22 09:14 PM |
| 1 | What do you guys DO?I’ve been smoking myself to sleep for like 3 years now, haha. I know everyone is different, but I feel much more rested after my sleep than on the nights I don’t smoke up. I smoke exclusively indica. I have tried using sativa like you said, for creativity and enhancing of the experience but I do not like it. I like taking it, spending 45 minutes giggling at a sitcom, and passing out quietly. It’s a good way to end the day. | /r/Divorce_Men | 10/02/22 09:10 PM |
| 2 | What do you guys DO?When my kids are with me, that’s what I do too. But when my ex takes them, I start smoking much earlier. I need to correct that habit. | /r/Divorce_Men | 10/02/22 08:57 PM |
| 1 | What do you guys DO?Thanks man, I’m a couple hours south of Chicagoland but I appreciate the tips. I’m putting fishing on my “potential hobby” list. | /r/Divorce_Men | 10/02/22 08:52 PM |
| 2 | What do you guys DO?Can’t wait to read your story when it’s ready man! Good luck in wrapping up the divorce and moving forward in your life. | /r/Divorce_Men | 10/02/22 07:56 PM |
| 2 | I am writing to men that are post divorce because I am humbly asking as a woman for insight. I did not ask for my marriage to end. I am not attempting to take from my stbxh a pound of flesh or parental time. It’s best that you read my post history to see where I am coming from. I am not an enemy.But I mean.. not trying to be rude here. But you can’t reasonably say “I am not a secretive person, I am quite transparent, but I am not going to divulge my past.” Pick one! That is literally the worst response you could give because now you look like a wishy-washy liar. There’s nothing wrong with saying “we just grew apart and decided we’d be better off not married” if pressed. I don’t think that’s ever a lie. The longer a relationship goes on, the reality of past relationships matters even les… | /r/Divorce_Men | 10/02/22 07:50 PM |
| 1 | What do you guys DO?I love the idea of being a better cook. I’ll put that on my list of stuff to do. Thanks. | /r/Divorce_Men | 10/02/22 07:44 PM |
| 1 | What do you guys DO?I am taking the feedback everyone has given me and I’m taking it seriously! I’m looking at a heater for my garage now. It’s a 3-car, so it’d be huge to try to heat with a portable unit. I’m trying to figure out how to sorta “wall off” a smaller area (maybe 1 stall) for my wood working, and I’ll be able to heat it more efficiently. Propane heaters seem the most efficient way to do it. Cost of propane and constant refills kinda sucks. But likely worth it. | /r/Divorce_Men | 10/02/22 07:44 PM |
| 2 | What do you guys DO?You’re a higher earner than me! I’m at $140K with my bonus. My properties make maybe $30k/yr right now. Plenty for a small midwestern town. I know I am a sucker and codependent. I am working on that now. I will need to be mindful about not being someone’s retirement plan or financial support system, I know I will be tempted to do that. Money was actually one of the things that drove my ex and I apart. She was raised poor and was uncomfortable living a life where money wasn’t really a big concern… | /r/Divorce_Men | 10/02/22 07:42 PM |
| 3 | What do you guys DO?But I like smoking… (weed, about 1/4 a joint every night) | /r/Divorce_Men | 10/02/22 07:30 PM |
| 2 | What do you guys DO?Good stuff here. I’m also early 40’s (42) and need to focus on myself. It’s been too long since I’ve done that. My life has been all about the kids and my ex for like 15 years. Sometimes I’m not even sure how to do stuff for myself anymore, which I guess is why I asked this question. I like the idea of focusing on where my time will pay off the most. That is helpful advice. Financially, I’m fine… I have a good paying job and a real estate side-hustle. I’m in a bit of a bind now because the attor… | /r/Divorce_Men | 10/02/22 06:58 PM |
| 3 | What do you guys DO?I’ve thought about a dog and my kids are begging me to get one. I miss having a dog frankly. But right now I’m trying to be as irresponsible as I can. Having a dog is a fucking huge responsibility, like having another kid. I don’t think I’m ready for that yet. Same answer for dating. I’m just not interested right now. But I agree with holding off on smoking. Once that joint hits my lips, that’s basically it. I’m done with shit for the night. I need to stay active, stay busy, and save that smokin… | /r/Divorce_Men | 10/02/22 06:53 PM |
| 6 | What do you guys DO?No man, I think you have an important insight here. I think I'm prone to talk myself out of things before I actually even do them. That's another thing I'll need to work on and fix. I'm going to look into options to heat my garage. No reason to give up wood working half the year. Thanks for being blunt, that helps. | /r/Divorce_Men | 10/02/22 05:28 PM |
| 2 | What do you guys DO?Haha, my full time job is coding. I'm not a gamer but I'm already sick of wasting my nights with the other shit you mentioned. | /r/Divorce_Men | 10/02/22 05:11 PM |
| 1 | What do you guys DO?I used to be a really serious runner, but that’s been a decade ago. I don’t think I’ll be as fast as I once was, but this is a great way to spend time. When it warms back up, I’ll try running again and see how it feels in my advanced age, haha. | /r/Divorce_Men | 10/02/22 04:43 PM |
| 3 | What do you guys DO?Yeah, I’m a daily smoker but infrequent drinker. I usually save my smoking until after everyone is asleep and all my tasks are done. But on my child-free nights I start too early and end up killing the whole night. I’m sick of that routine after just a couple child-free nights, haha. | /r/Divorce_Men | 10/02/22 04:40 PM |
| 4 | What do you guys DO?Dude, I LOVE the idea of learning more about fishing. February in Illinois may not be the best time to get into it, but in the warmer months I’ll look into fishing groups around here. Good call. | /r/Divorce_Men | 10/02/22 04:19 PM |
| 8 | What do you guys DO?I like this. I need to get back to the gym. | /r/Divorce_Men | 10/02/22 04:18 PM |
| 2 | Divorce was finalized today. Thanks gents.Good advice. I’m newly divorced myself and am doing the same things you are. Especially your number 3, I find my time with the kids MUCH more satisfying and fulfilling now. I think they feel the same thing. It’s easier to be a good dad when you’re not trying to save a failing marriage at the same time as being a parent. | /r/Divorce_Men | 10/02/22 04:02 PM |
| 1 | I am writing to men that are post divorce because I am humbly asking as a woman for insight. I did not ask for my marriage to end. I am not attempting to take from my stbxh a pound of flesh or parental time. It’s best that you read my post history to see where I am coming from. I am not an enemy.I’m newly divorced myself and also not looking to date at all, but I’ve considered this, too. What do I tell any potential woman who asks? I think I have settled on “less history, more mystery”. I’m not gonna say anything at all. I won’t lie or mislead, but I’ll treat it as it is: A piece of my past better left there. If a woman pushes me to reveal things I don’t want to reveal, that is not the woman for me. And for me, I would never ask why a woman’s marriage ended. I would be put off if she vo… | /r/Divorce_Men | 10/02/22 03:12 PM |
| 3 | Subconscious emotional trauma?Go to therapy man. It’ll help you. No shame in it. | /r/Divorce_Men | 08/02/22 02:00 PM |
| 1 | Is there a dollar amount you would place on keeping your divorce amicable?This is the right approach. I didn't negotiate with my ex. She told me what she wanted, I just said "ok" and that was it. I think both of us feel ok with the outcome. I can rebuild what I've lost and I avoided a huge battle where the attorneys would've gotten everything anyway. | /r/Divorce_Men | 06/02/22 04:08 PM |
| 0 | Do you have any advice for men that haven’t been married?You sound like a psychopath. | /r/Divorce_Men | 04/02/22 03:14 PM |
| 2 | Do you have any advice for men that haven’t been married?I'm not really arguing man. My marriage was terrible and I'm so happy and relieved to be divorced. I won't be getting married again either. But some talk crosses the line from "marriage isn't for me" into "women are all fucking evil life-destroyers", and that's a bridge too far for me. | /r/Divorce_Men | 03/02/22 06:24 PM |
| 0 | Do you have any advice for men that haven’t been married?All it takes is for her to make friends with someone who starts whispering in her ear that "she can do better." I would argue if this happens, you didn't find a good woman. You need to find a woman who wouldn't listen to such toxicity. I promise good women are out there. I picked wrong and you must've too, but let's not generalize all women to be as bad as the ones we picked. | /r/Divorce_Men | 03/02/22 04:03 PM |
| 1 | Do you have any advice for men that haven’t been married?I think you're on the right track already man. You're a self-contained person. You have a successful career, a dog. It seems like you're doing well in life, it's just that you're doing it alone instead of with someone else. I was burned so hard in marriage I don't think I'll do it again, but I'm not anti-marriage as some here are. I don't think every woman you meet will be out to destroy you. My advice would be to seek a woman who has her shit together in the ways you value. Does she have a care… | /r/Divorce_Men | 03/02/22 03:13 PM |
| 3 | I’m (29M) considering divorcing my wife (28F) due to her failure to contribute anything to our marriage financially. Yes, I can support her and I make a pretty good living. My problem is that I should not need to support her at the level that I am, due to the context of our marriage currently.Weirdly this was one of the few criteria I had when dating. My ex told me she would not be a SAHM and wanted to work until she died. I'm also a hard working type of guy (I have a full-time job and a part-time business [real estate] in off-hours). Still, we didn't always see eye-to-eye financially. I wanted to save, invest, stay out of debt, spend wisely, live below our means so we could weather financial storms. She wanted to spend, spend, spend and resented my long-term plans. We never came tog… | /r/Divorce_Men | 03/02/22 02:57 PM |
| 6 | Anyone here want more kids but are afraid of the risks of what the mother might become afterwards?2 kids. Age 9 and 5. I've only been divorced a bit over a week and do not plan on dating for a long time. I'm getting a vesectomy before I start seeing anyone. I love my kids but 2 with a crazy ex is enough. | /r/Divorce_Men | 30/01/22 05:18 PM |
| 4 | Does anyone else have zero interest in dating post-divorce?Friend with benefits. | /r/Divorce_Men | 27/01/22 05:10 PM |
| 27 | Does anyone else have zero interest in dating post-divorce?I have only been divorced 6 days now, but same. I can’t imagine wanting to do any of this shit, ever again. I can confidently say I will never get married again. I may date casually. My ideal situation would be to find a FWB type situation, but I’m in no rush for that either. For now, I am looking forward to my solitude, peace, and quiet. I can’t wait to try out some new hobbies I’ve been eyeing, rediscover old hobbies. During this divorce process, some old friends have come out of the woodwork,… | /r/Divorce_Men | 27/01/22 03:45 PM |
| 1 | [deleted by user]This fear kept me paralyzed and in a completely dysfunctional marriage for far, far too long. I have 50/50 custody with my kids. My wife is chaotic and will likely have a string of partners in and out of her life. The best thing I can do for them is hold tight, be a stable, predictable force. I should show my kids how people live. You're doing them no favors by modeling an unhealthy relationship. | /r/Divorce_Men | 26/01/22 04:33 PM |
| 3 | I think it’s going well.So I just had one of these "unicorn" divorces a few days ago. I make about $140K/yr, my ex makes about $65K/yr. We did an uncontested divorce. She got her own attorney, and I got mine. We spent $5k on the attorneys. We split assets 50/50 and also parenting 50/50. She declined alimony and I am paying less than 3% of my salary to child support. It was EXTREMELY amicable. Because of all the horror stories I read around here, after the initial plan was drafted, I rolled over and played dead constant… | /r/Divorce_Men | 25/01/22 03:13 PM |
| 2 | I’m divorced. Officially.Yeah, my ex and I had a different dynamic. I think she liked me being a doormat. I’m relatively sure she knew I was, and knew she could get away with most things. And when I started changing that, she bolted. She liked our dynamic. I think some women like a confident man, but that wasn’t our case. I did have nice guy complex. I definitely did things for her just to avoid being nagged later. It wasn’t an act of love, it was an act of fear. That’s my bad. I should’ve tackled those feeling earlier,… | /r/Divorce_Men | 22/01/22 10:39 PM |
| 2 | I’m divorced. Officially.Thank you brother! We still have a lot of untangling to do but I’ll refer to your comment and make sure nothing was missed. | /r/Divorce_Men | 22/01/22 04:38 PM |
| 1 | I’m divorced. Officially.Seems to be a typical story about here. | /r/Divorce_Men | 22/01/22 04:37 PM |
| 1 | I’m divorced. Officially.She’s already doing it… she’s a controlling and domineering woman and has realized she has lost most of her power, but she does flex those muscles with the kids. I think I’ll end up doing the lion’s share of parenting stuff because she loves assigning me tasks, but the jokes on her since I’ll do a better job of it than her and my kids will love me for it. | /r/Divorce_Men | 22/01/22 04:36 PM |
| 2 | I’m divorced. Officially.Yes, thank you. I’ve been in therapy for a few months, working through my shitty marriage and now working through my divorce. My next phase is working on my physical shape, and establishing a few new hobbies and circles of friends. Dating will happen organically or it just won’t happen. I don’t need a wife for happiness. | /r/Divorce_Men | 22/01/22 04:35 PM |
| 1 | I’m divorced. Officially.Believe me, I will never forget how lucky I am. Reading everyone else’s stories makes me to thankful for mine. | /r/Divorce_Men | 22/01/22 04:33 PM |
| 1 | I’m divorced. Officially.Man, good question(s). My reaction to the news that my ex was dating someone was pretty unexpected. Like you, I expected the gut-punch type of feeling. Some jealousy. But I just didn’t feel anything at all. Nothing. I am in therapy. I started it maybe 6 months ago, when my ex and I were still in “repair” mode. I was miserable and felt helpless and hopeless. In my therapy, I learned some skills to create and reinforce boundaries, to stand up for myself, to fight for myself. My ex HATED this. She … | /r/Divorce_Men | 22/01/22 04:19 PM |
| 15 | I’m divorced. Officially.She had him within a month… I do not know if she cheated with him, but it seems clear she had him lined up at minimum. Even if she did cheat, it’s water under the bridge. It doesn’t matter at all and doesn’t impact me. I’m thrilled to be getting away, so I’ll enjoy my present and future and not get wrapped up in a hypothetical past. | /r/Divorce_Men | 22/01/22 01:12 AM |
| 1 | beginning to explore divorce in NY state.I think your first step is to talk to an attorney. These laws vary from state to state. My divorce isn't final yet but will be about any day now (been saying that for a couple weeks). We filed uncontested. We just drew up all our assets and debts, together, and split them as best we could, 50/50. Parenting is 50/50. I'm keeping the house but I pay her half the equity in it. I'm coming out of this pretty well. The lawyers for the divorce should be less than $5k total. I'm losing around 50% of "my… | /r/Divorce_Men | 21/01/22 08:27 PM |
| 2 | Did you want the house?I'm keeping the house. For me, it's a mixed bag... the good: I really like the neighborhood and am buddies with a couple neighbors who I enjoy having beers in our backyards with, but I know if I moved that'd be the end of that friendship. The house is nice with no major problems. My kids get the stability of keeping their childhood home as their parents split up. The bad: Memories of my failed marriage. It's a fucking huge house considering it's just me half the time. We'd bought it thinking 4 p… | /r/Divorce_Men | 20/01/22 06:27 PM |
| 7 | The person you divorced isn't the person you married.Together 15 years, married 12. I wasn't the best husband in the world or anything, but I was extremely loyal to her, probably to a fault. I made excuses for her bad behavior, I took the blame for things I shouldn't have, I ignored traits that should've been obvious. With the divorce upcoming and those blinders off, I see an extremely manipulative, pushy, aggressive, and selfish woman. She's been this way the whole time, I just didn't see it. Or, I guess I should say, it took me way too long to s… | /r/Divorce_Men | 20/01/22 02:51 PM |
| 5 | The person you divorced isn't the person you married.Yep. In therapy yesterday my therapist warned me I'd start seeing her "true nature" soon. He's right. I'm seeing it. | /r/Divorce_Men | 20/01/22 02:01 PM |
| 3 | Vacationing with young kids as a divorced dad, how do I do it?My kids are 5 and 9, and I'm planning my first solo trip for them this summer (they'll be 6 and 10 by then). I'm a bit concerned just because they want to do wildly different things at this age. I had considered taking them to a theme park or something, but I could see my older one wanting to go on a rollercoaster but not my younger one, but she's too young to go alone. So I think I have ruled out theme parks until I can have some help or until my oldest is old enough to be comfortable alone. I'… | /r/Divorce_Men | 19/01/22 10:02 PM |
| 1 | I am tried of being a simp / punk. Not sure why o keep making choices against my own self interest [vent / advice]Yeah, my wife did the same shit your wife is doing. "You're a fuck-up and it's all your fault but I still love you." It's manipulation and you shouldn't buy into that shit. The whole intention is exactly what you're describing, to keep you infatuated with her, and to think you can't do any better than you are. I have some of the same reservations you do. I don't want to feel like I gave up on the marriage or on her. I'm worried about her without me. But man, I'm so sick of being the guy in the m… | /r/Divorce_Men | 18/01/22 02:55 PM |
| 1 | I am tried of being a simp / punk. Not sure why o keep making choices against my own self interest [vent / advice]I would go through periods where I felt like enough was a enough and try HARD lines, but then just give up because it wasn't worth the fight. YEP. I also had that lingering "this isn't right" mindset. I would attempt to make some changes to make myself happier, but I always ended up regretting it. Nothing is her fault YEP. I could tell you a thousand stories about my wife blaming things on me which were definitely not my fault, but my favorite story is the one my mother-in-law tells. My wife fel… | /r/Divorce_Men | 14/01/22 03:14 PM |
| 3 | I am tried of being a simp / punk. Not sure why o keep making choices against my own self interest [vent / advice]My advice is simple. Get. Out. My wife is like yours, and I'm like you. I'm eager to please most people, but this is especially true of my wife. In my case, it's because when I stood up for myself, enforced a boundary, or acted in my own interests, I always regretted it. It'd be a fight. It'd be something she'd bring up for years afterwards. I'd be full of regret and frustration at simple fights, I just stopped fighting. It was way easier to fold then to argue about every single fucking thing fo… | /r/Divorce_Men | 13/01/22 04:55 PM |
| 5 | When does staying together get harder than leaving?It's worth starting over. I'm about your age, 42, but my kids are much younger. 5 and 9. I felt what you described here. I just hated everything. I couldn't get interested in things. Life just sorta happened to me and I was powerless to impact my life in any meaningful way. My wife is a difficult woman. I knew she was the source of my problems, but I felt like I couldn't leave her. I was worried for her, for my kids. I do everything for them. All my sacrifices were for them. So giving up was sca… | /r/Divorce_Men | 09/01/22 05:17 PM |
| 1 | Did you get bitter or better?God damn, this spoke to me. I think this is my path too. | /r/Divorce_Men | 07/01/22 08:08 PM |
| 11 | As a man who never wants to get married… is it true that you noticed your women changing after your honeymoon and what changes did you notice ?Sure, she changed but I'm not mad about it... I changed too. People change. All of us, all the time. That goes on forever. I was 27 when I met my wife. I was broke as hell, living paycheck to paycheck, not saving anything at all. I went out most weekends with my large group of friends and got shitface drunk. My wife was 23 when I met her. She was in grad school. We partied like crazy together, had a lot of adventures like backpacking throughout Europe. We've been together 15 years now. I'm 42. I… | /r/Divorce_Men | 07/01/22 06:53 PM |
| 8 | Share your gratitudeI feel gratitude for my support network, especially my divorced sister, for listening to me when I complain, checking up on me when it's been a couple days, and generally being unwavering in her support. Thanks sis. | /r/Divorce_Men | 06/01/22 06:58 PM |
| 2 | To the men who are long down the road of grief - I have a question about what I think might be the beginning of acceptance?Are we brothers? I detach from my emotions easily as well. I'm spending my time in therapy trying to connect with my emotions a little better myself. I don't personally meditate, but a few times per day I'll ask myself "what am I feeling? Why do I feel that way? Do I need help processing this?" It helps me feel a little more connected and a little less shut off from the world. For what it's worth, I think I have a natural ability to sorta regulate/shut off emotions, and living in my difficult ma… | /r/Divorce_Men | 05/01/22 06:07 PM |
| 4 | To the men who are long down the road of grief - I have a question about what I think might be the beginning of acceptance?I think feeling the feelings, acknowledging them, and letting them pass will bring healing faster than pushing them aside to get on with your day. Just quoting this as it is the best advice here... my therapist says this too. It's also true of good emotions by the way. As you experience an emotion, take a second to reflect on it. Identify why you feel that way. Feel it deeply. For as long as you feel is appropriate. Then move on. I do this for the negative emotions, but throughout my divorce, I'… | /r/Divorce_Men | 05/01/22 04:26 PM |
| 4 | To the men who are long down the road of grief - I have a question about what I think might be the beginning of acceptance?I have been married for 12 years, together 15, and am in the middle of my divorce now. For our whole marriage, things have been pretty bad. My wife is a difficult woman to love. I have lived in a low-level cloud of depression for our entire marriage. It keeps getting worse, but really, my depression is a '2' out of 10 most times, but it's just a 2 ALWAYS which makes life a fucking trudge. So I've been trudging and enduring. In one of my last fights with my wife, I couldn't stop myself from screa… | /r/Divorce_Men | 05/01/22 04:17 PM |
| 3 | Want outI see myself in a lot of your post. I remember many vacations that were incredibly awkward because my wife loathed me and I could tell she didn't want to share a room or experience with me. She just seethed with contempt and anger, constantly. My divorce should be finalized this week. I cannot wait for the rest of my life to begin. I am completely thrilled with life for the first time in a long, long time. I have hope and optimism and excitement. My life isn't over. Deciding to divorce was tough… | /r/Divorce_Men | 04/01/22 09:39 PM |
| 6 | Sending Love!Thank you for this post. It does seem many men in relationships are marginalized, disrespected, and ignored. I know I am feeling that way. Even an anonymous stranger noticing this is very, very nice. Thanks. | /r/Divorce_Men | 04/01/22 09:29 PM |
| 3 | I’m still so happy to be getting a divorceYeah, honestly, we should’ve put this marriage out of its misery long ago. In a way, though, I’m glad we waited until we have no regrets or feelings like we did the wrong thing. If I had it to do again, I’d wait this long again honestly. It’s nice knowing for sure we made the right call, instead of always wondering about if we’d held on a little longer, tried a little harder, etc. | /r/Divorce_Men | 27/12/21 11:55 PM |
| 4 | I’m still so happy to be getting a divorceHey, happy cake day to you, too! Weird coincidence. | /r/Divorce_Men | 27/12/21 11:52 PM |
| 5 | My amicable divorce is less amicable every day.Before our latest confrontation, I would've told you that you were crazy and we'd never need that. Now... man, now I'm not sure. I'm not used to being yelled at in that way. It felt like a very new, very hateful way to yell at me. | /r/Divorce_Men | 17/12/21 06:21 PM |
| 4 | My amicable divorce is less amicable every day.Jesus Christ. I mentioned stories similar to this when I was initially talking to my wife... I told her once things get ugly, we could spend thousands to fight over hundreds. At the time we agreed we shouldn't do that... I hope my wife remains reasonable and logical about this. I'm ok giving up slightly more than half if it makes this quick and easy. But if it's long and hard, fuck it. I guess I go scorched earth. | /r/Divorce_Men | 17/12/21 06:18 PM |
| 3 | My amicable divorce is less amicable every day.I need to refi anyway to cash out some equity for her... I may be able to get her off the mortgage, but I can't get her money/down payment until my refi. It sucks, but it is what it is. | /r/Divorce_Men | 17/12/21 06:12 PM |
| 6 | My amicable divorce is less amicable every day.That said, it might be a good idea to go ahead and get a lawyer of your own just in case. Yep... from the beginning, that was our plan. We'd draw up the agreement together, her attorney would write it up, and my attorney would check it over and ensure it was fair. I found an attorney, paid my retainer. The agreement got done, but my attorney couldn't negotiate it for a week. So she asked me to use HER FUCKING UNCLE as an attorney. I told her no. I told her I was waiting for my attorney and this … | /r/Divorce_Men | 17/12/21 06:11 PM |
| 5 | Had the talk last night, today is filled with doubting myselfI had a few days of that after we decided to divorce. I was just really mindful about the feelings as they crept in. "You've wanted a divorce for years. This is just raw emotion. Push through it." It only took a few days, but I have no feelings of regret anymore. | /r/Divorce_Men | 16/12/21 04:16 PM |
| 2 | Planning advice neededGet yourself an attorney, as soon as possible. That's the best way to protect yourself and learn how to do this. In my state, 50/50 custody if assumed and tends to be the default judgement if parties don't agree. If you want 50/50 and fight for it, in my state anyway you're likely to get it. Also in my state, child support is relatively low if 50/50 support is decided. Its nowhere near the 30% I have heard about. Don't assume financial ruin, a lot depends on your attorney, your STBX, and a thous… | /r/Divorce_Men | 15/12/21 08:20 PM |
| 8 | Considering leaving, but I was unfortunately born with testiclesYou need to talk to an attorney. In my state, child support is based off an income formula and if it's 50/50, it doesn't even cost that much. I will be paying much closer to 5% of my salary than 30% with 50/50 custody in my state. But yes, spousal support can be added on. It really just depends on your situation and your state. | /r/Divorce_Men | 15/12/21 07:56 PM |
| 4 | Considering leaving, but I was unfortunately born with testiclesYeah man, you're gonna have to cohabitate for a while and try to stay pleasant. That's gonna suck. I'm doing that now... we decided to divorce about a month ago. Lawyers are negotiating the divorce agreement now. And yet, here she stays, in my house. It's awkward. It's uncomfortable. I can't wait for this stage of life to end. | /r/Divorce_Men | 15/12/21 06:47 PM |
| 6 | Considering leaving, but I was unfortunately born with testiclesAlso called alimony or maintenance, it'd be an expense over and above child support to cover the income discrepancy between you two. | /r/Divorce_Men | 15/12/21 06:44 PM |
| 4 | Follow up to my post from yesterday. For those getting started in the exit strategy phase.Great advice. I've been doing this myself. In my case, my wife is leaving my house because she's unable to afford it herself. But this was the house she wanted... I fought it, I wanted a different house. So even looking at the house, all I see is a giant compromise I made. I'm stuck here to give my kids some amount of consistency during a tough transition. As I look around here, I don't even really see compromise. I see shit my wife picked out and I tolerated. I see that she's systematically mov… | /r/Divorce_Men | 15/12/21 04:51 PM |
| 1 | Can y’all help out with some advice? Or just lend an ear?I don't have advice really, but you at least have my ear. I'm sorry you're going through this. Talk to an attorney. We can't realistically answer any question you have here... but attorneys have seen/heard it all and will offer advice. Like you, I feel like I will forever be stuck in the role of caretaker and handyman forever maybe. Like you, I was perpetually told I wasn't doing enough, yet I truly believe I do much more around the house than she does. But she will never, ever see this. Ending … | /r/Divorce_Men | 15/12/21 03:58 PM |
| 6 | Loneliness - Not sure about you but I felt more alone in the marriage than after it.I hear this. I work from home, but my wife getting home from her job is easily the worst part of my day, and has been for as long as I can remember. We're not divorced yet but working on the agreement now, and I have fully abandoned giving a shit about her or our crazy fake marriage. I'm already spending a lot more time alone and honestly loving every single second of it. I am not lonely alone. But this marriage sure made me feel more alone than I thought was possible. | /r/Divorce_Men | 15/12/21 03:14 PM |
| 4 | My STBXW seems to be over analyzing like crazy, is that normal?These are complicated emotions and your STBX is looking for answers. That seems normal to me. There's no answers to be found though... she needs to be asking someone else these questions, not you. | /r/Divorce_Men | 15/12/21 02:57 PM |
| 1 | I did the thing.I told my wife several times I wanted a divorce. She'd always just say "no" and I was such a fucking spineless pussy I just said "ok" and kept trudging on. Eventually I started learning to stand up for myself, stop acting like a codependent doormat. My wife asked for the divorce this time, and I couldn't have agreed any faster if you paid me. I'm at the in-between stage of deciding to divorce and getting the papers signed. I'm so excited to be moving on to my next stage of life. I hope you can f… | /r/Divorce_Men | 15/12/21 02:56 PM |
| 26 | Anyone else just have that empty/DGAF feeling that won't go away after horrible Divorce?What's wrong with being single? Why are you making being single the same as being undesirable? Or a failure? Being single can be a life choice. It will be for me. We should finalize the divorce in the next couple of weeks and I plan on staying single forever. Marriage and relationships have never suited me or been fulfilling, so I'm going to find the thing that is fulfilling and skip trying to make it work with a woman. I don't hate women or anything. I just think some of us aren't met to be mar… | /r/Divorce_Men | 14/12/21 08:28 PM |
| 3 | Before having the talk and dealing with all this inner conflict, it certainly helps to research places and things you want to do once you are free.Oh man, I guess I am a man who just enjoys the small things. I am looking forward to just living in peace in my own home. I haven't been able to truly relax here at home for a long time. I was worried about conflict with my wife. When she's home, I'm anxious and worried about upsetting her. Doing the wrong thing, saying the wrong thing. When she's gone I still have the trigger of wondering what I need to do to make sure she's in a good mood when she comes home. Maybe I clean the kitchen or put t… | /r/Divorce_Men | 13/12/21 04:07 PM |
| 1 | Looking to Hear Stores / Asking for AdviceYes, this sums up my feelings too... the money stuff was such a slow creep over more than a decade that I didn't really even take as much notice to the changes as I should've. It was just a slow build. Now we're buying fancy-ass towels instead of whatever they have at Walmart. Now she's driving a beautiful, brand-new SUV instead of the 7-year-old Prius. Now we're getting custom curtains made and hung instead of whatever is on the shelf at Target. I don't blame my wife for this. As you said, the … | /r/Divorce_Men | 13/12/21 03:59 PM |
| 9 | Looking to Hear Stores / Asking for AdviceWas I bothered by her spending money I’d made? A little. I know it sounds weird, but it’s just one of those things I kinda got used to. Again, when we married, I didn’t have jack shit. I was fully broke. We were broke together. We celebrated together as I made more money. But by then, our accounts were fully merged. I was sort of used to not having much, and I just stayed having “not much” while her situation seemed to improve. She always got the new car, I’d drive a clunker. She’d get the new c… | /r/Divorce_Men | 11/12/21 11:43 PM |
| 10 | Looking to Hear Stores / Asking for AdviceI’m in the middle of a divorce now. I’m 42M, was married for 12 years and together for 15. Seems like most of your question is about assets and finances in regard to divorce, so I’ll focus on that. I was 27 when I met my wife. I was broke as fuck. So was she. She was in grad school, I had an entry-level job. I made ends meet but my finances ended there. No savings, some debt. Typical guy in his 20’s I guess. As my career progressed, I made more and more money. Now I make $125k/yr, put away a ton… | /r/Divorce_Men | 11/12/21 09:19 PM |
| 1 | Financial Damage ControlYou make plenty of money. If you have to scale back your lifestyle or make other changes, or even play alimony or child support... you make enough. Living a simpler life is better than an extravagant one with the wrong woman. Good luck. | /r/Divorce_Men | 08/12/21 08:47 PM |
| 5 | Need some guidance. Wife came to pick up her stuff and I took the house keys backI understand this. I came into the marriage making more money and from a more successful family (financially). In our marriage, we spent years paying off her college debt. I never had any. She spent years building her business while I supported the family. I saved aggressively while she fought me on the savings and spent my money instead. It's ending now, and I have to dish out a 6-figure payout. After paying her debts and contributing to her success, she also gets 1/2 of what I worked for. I'm … | /r/Divorce_Men | 08/12/21 08:27 PM |
| 1 | I have one foot out the door after 25 years. Just wondering what the silence in the house is like or eating out alone all the time. Going to movies alone or to the pub alone. Never want to get tied down again. Would rather be single forever.I had 1 foot out the door for like a decade. I can't imagine doing that for 2.5 times as long as I did. You've gotta be losing your mind. I am not divorced yet, but we are in the midst of the divorce now. Like most here, I enjoy time to myself. I do not mind going to movies alone or dining alone. I'm excited to do those things, actually. You're asking us, but I'll ask you. Challenge yourself. Imagine yourself doing those things alone. Maybe even try it... you don't need to be divorced to see a m… | /r/Divorce_Men | 08/12/21 08:22 PM |
| 1 | Divorce updates.I actually just had my weekly session with my therapist and talked to him about this. For years, my wife would tell me I was emotionally detached. I guess I started believing her. I told my therapist the same thing I posted here... I feel basically no sadness at all. It's nearly all joy and relief. It feels so wrong compared to what I see in TV shows and movies, as well as what I helped my friends with when they were getting a divorce. I asked why I do not feel the same things I see others feel.… | /r/Divorce_Men | 08/12/21 08:15 PM |
| 3 | Divorce updates.Yep, "blind eye to keep the peace" is probably the best way to put my role in our marriage over the last decade. | /r/Divorce_Men | 08/12/21 03:39 PM |
| 1 | Divorce updates.I always feel bad that I'm one of the men who couldn't wait to get out as I feel like I got a pass on most of the hard grieving alot of guys on here go through. Exactly, yes... I had one night full of extreme, debilitating sadness. But that's been my only real sad time that lasted more than a couple minutes. I feel bad reading stories from some guys who are still struggling, sometimes months or years later. I'm telling myself it's because my marriage was way harder. Or maybe I've just survived t… | /r/Divorce_Men | 08/12/21 02:51 PM |
| 2 | Divorce updates.Your ex may be making things rough. I do not know what my post-divorce life looks like. My wife could make it miserable for me if she wanted, but I am hoping she takes the high road. Time will tell. | /r/Divorce_Men | 08/12/21 02:43 PM |
| 2 | Divorce updates.YES. My wife would constantly complain about our lack of savings, so I worked out a plan to increase the savings. But then she had less spending money so she complained about that. Finally I released that she wanted savings, but she didn't want to save. Those ideas are 100% opposed and it would not be possible to find a solution or compromise. So glad I can avoid these insane conversations in the future. | /r/Divorce_Men | 08/12/21 02:40 PM |
| 1 | Divorce updates.Oh man, love the boat anchor metaphor. I'll be stealing that. | /r/Divorce_Men | 08/12/21 02:37 PM |
| 2 | Always trying to make her dream come trueI think this is me, too. I've struggled the last few years in knowing I somehow transitioned to "beta" throughout the marriage. Like you, I think I just caved because I was so worn down. She's not smarter than me or more capable, but I do think she's more stubborn and persistent so I just lost. I'm not divorced yet but we've filed. I am already re-finding my old confident and my passion for life. It's not fully restored but I'm closer than I've been for a while. Can't wait until it's over. | /r/Divorce_Men | 07/12/21 09:42 PM |
| 2 | Divorce updates.You're describing my perfect life, man. I feel like it's been over a decade since I've gotten to choose something for myself, guilt-free. Every purchase had to be cleared through her and there never seemed to be money for the stuff I wanted. Every hobby I was interested in had to be cleared to make sure it wasn't taking away from family time or marriage time. Every meal I cooked had to be cleared by her. The marriage was my wife's show, and I was but a lowly supporting role. Also 50/50 custody h… | /r/Divorce_Men | 07/12/21 09:08 PM |
| 5 | Divorce updates.I am really, really looking forward to this. My wife has been in charge of our finances forever, but since deciding to divorce I finally dug in deep to figure out a budget. I cannot believe how much money she wasted every month. I cannot wait for the additional financial stability of being divorced. It'll be a while before I date again, if ever. But I am very much looking forward to living my own life again, rather than a life my wife thought I should be living. | /r/Divorce_Men | 07/12/21 08:30 PM |
| 2 | Divorce updates.Impossible to do from this post alone, but that reads like manic behavior to me. | /r/Divorce_Men | 07/12/21 08:28 PM |
| 13 | Divorce updates.Yes, she's looking for a response from me and also lots of her friends with the Facebook postings. Anything to get attention. I think it's pathetic but also not my problem anymore. | /r/Divorce_Men | 07/12/21 07:26 PM |
| 6 | Divorce updates.I've looked it up, and yes, I am fully grey-rocking it. I think I was already grey-rocking a lot of life just to tolerate being with her. It's giving up a little of the grey-rock that feels so good right now. | /r/Divorce_Men | 07/12/21 07:25 PM |
| 6 | Divorce updates.Yeah, I should keep an open mind moving forward that maybe I could get married again. But right now man, I cannot fucking imagine a life with anyone other than myself. From the second I got married, I think part of something in my head knew it was a mistake. I shouldn't have gotten married. But that mistake is coming to an end. Phew. | /r/Divorce_Men | 07/12/21 07:25 PM |
| 2 | Divorce updates.Thank you, yes. I am trying to get this divorce finalized ASAP. Petition has been filed, and the agreement is being drawn up now. After it's done, I'll have my attorney look it over and present it to a judge. There's hope it could be done before the end of the year. I cannot fucking wait. | /r/Divorce_Men | 07/12/21 07:22 PM |
| 5 | Divorce updates.I do think my wife has some sort of personality disorder. I'm not going to try to guess what it is specifically, but she has traits of both narcissism and BPD. I don't know if any diagnosis fits 100%, but it also doesn't matter too much... point is that yes, she was incredibly emotionally draining and made me second-guess and question things, walk on egg-shells, avoid conflict at all means necessary. Living my life to appease her really took its toll, and dropping those responsibilities has help… | /r/Divorce_Men | 07/12/21 07:21 PM |
| 6 | Divorce updates.Crazy brain, 100%... new boyfriend is a maybe. I don't think she was dating while we were actively working on the marriage honestly. If she's seeing someone else, I feel the same as I did in my OP. I feel basically nothing if she's seeing someone else. Literally no feelings about it at all. | /r/Divorce_Men | 07/12/21 07:17 PM |
| 3 | Is anyone else afraid of a deadbeat stepdad coming into your kids life at a young age?Holy shit, yes. This describes something I have thought about but not really able to put into words. My wife isn't what I would call "crazy", but she's super controlling and kinda toxic in many of her thoughts and words. I think she'll find another dude like me... who is kinda codependent and has doormat tendencies. I'm in therapy now to correct my issues (that is one of the reasons for my divorce, I don't think my wife wants me to be more independent). But my therapy won't stop her from finding… | /r/Divorce_Men | 30/11/21 08:48 PM |
| 2 | We’ve been together over 35 years.Your description reminds me of my marriage. We don't really have money problems but she thinks we do. We're not really happy despite working hard on the marriage, but neither has abuse problems or strayed. Our unhappiness is just sorta this nebulous cloud over the whole relationship. It's not quite miserable enough to make it seem like a divorce is the only way out, but it interferes with all happiness. It taints everything. Curtains remind you of a fight you had about choosing curtains or takin… | /r/Divorce_Men | 30/11/21 08:13 PM |
| 1 | I think it's finally over.We've been in counseling together for our entire relationship. Likely hundreds of counseling sessions. We've attended a weekend retreat for the marriage from the Gottman's, well known in the field of marriage therapy. Our marriage is still super shitty and I have no hope it'll improve. She wants to be done, and so do I. It's time to rip the band-aid off and drop the shoulda/woulda/coulda. Her new lifestyle is not attractive to me, so it's time to call it a day. | /r/Divorce_Men | 23/11/21 08:24 PM |
| 1 | I think it's over, and TBH, I feel relievedIf nothing else, this community has sure helped me see that my story is not unique. It is also not identical to others, but I see similarities everywhere. I think separately, my wife and I are both good people. But together, we're toxic. We find it hard to compromise. We resent each other. As you said, the love has just... gone. It probably has been gone for me for a while, too. You saying you don't feel like you can be with anyone speaks to me. I feel the same. I was married 12 years, and if I … | /r/Divorce_Men | 23/11/21 07:30 PM |
| 2 | I think it's finally over.Weed is legal where I am, so hiding it won't mean anything... it's easy to just go get more. But she and I have been down this road. I've told her straight-up that the weed (which we used to really enjoy together) has become a hinderance to our relationship. I've told her I do not feel connected or engaged with her when she's high. That the weed is hurting me and hurting our relationship. She told me, "but it's the only thing that helps". After our discussions she kept pushing the boundaries I'd… | /r/Divorce_Men | 23/11/21 07:17 PM |
| 2 | I think it's finally over.I didn't even notice the hit to my confidence until I started flexing those muscles of independence. I am a smart guy. I am a strong person. I can be charming and funny. But I was borderline scared of my wife. I let her make most decisions. I thought I was being a good husband, but in reality, I was giving up my own agency to her. And to her, whether she admits it or sees it or not, I was this weak, impotent and pathetic man who couldn't survive without her. That was my mistake. I own it. But in… | /r/Divorce_Men | 23/11/21 07:00 PM |
| 1 | I think it's finally over.Not sure I am following the "branch in hand" analogy. I'm not familiar with that phrase. But it's extremely weird to me how many men here have the same story... getting wrapped up in some sort of substance abuse, social media abuse, and then the family gets torn apart. I truly believe social media is a huge problem today. My wife got wrapped up in fantasy and our marriage is a casualty. I really believe weed and social media is to blame. Under simpler times, maybe we could've made it. | /r/Divorce_Men | 23/11/21 06:40 PM |
| 2 | I think it's finally over.Well, to me, the specifics of the word do not matter. I mean, she smokes weed every day, and she does it despite negative influences on her relationships (me). She knows it's harming people yet cannot stop herself. That, to me, is addiction. It's weird to say that she could be drinking alcohol in those same circumstances and that's addiction, but since weed is the drug of choice it doesn't "count". It's a stupid distinction, mostly pushed by people who just really like weed. Weed isn't evil, but… | /r/Divorce_Men | 23/11/21 06:35 PM |
| 3 | I think it's finally over.I do not think I am made to be in a relationship of any type. I don't have a plan or goal, but I'd say me getting serious with anyone is something that is unlikely to ever happen again. I could see myself enjoying a FWB situation or casually dating someone. But sharing my life again? No thanks. I realized a few years ago I probably made a mistake in doing it the first time. I don't think I'll try again. | /r/Divorce_Men | 22/11/21 08:31 PM |
| 3 | I think it's finally over.Yeah, it's weird isn't it? I never would've thought I'd personally feel the negative impacts of social media and distilling big, nuanced topics into short videos. There is no doubt in my mind that it contributes to the polarization we see today, and black-and-white thinking where nothing is truly black and white, but everything is shades of gray. I do think, in a weird way, my wife is a victim of the extremism we see throughout the world today. Some people are brought into Qanon or conspiracy th… | /r/Divorce_Men | 22/11/21 08:10 PM |
| -1 | I think it's finally over.I think it's dangerous to talk about "the left" as if it is some all-encompassing entity. Not everyone who votes democrat hates men. I am part of "the left", and am friends basically exclusively with straight white males, so ya know, we don't all subscribe to every piece of the ideology, just as not all right-wingers terrorize the Capitol when they lose an election. The extremes on both ends are crazy. That said, I do see the irony in the far-left being accepting and accommodating to seemingly e… | /r/Divorce_Men | 22/11/21 07:55 PM |
| 1 | I think it's finally over.I both agree and disagree at the same time. I think straight white males are a privileged group (I am one of them), and we as a society have work to do to help level the playing field. I believe fully in the concept of oppressed classes and oppressed people. But at the same time, I do see what you're saying. I've noticed some language she uses sort of crosses the line from empowering others to villainizing men. One of her new favorite songs that she plays often is all about how great the world w… | /r/Divorce_Men | 22/11/21 07:02 PM |
| 2 | I think it's finally over.Believe me, I will fight for my kids in whatever ways I can. I don't think my wife will fight 50/50 custody. I'm fortunately in a state that defaults to 50/50 custody anyway. I don't expect this road to be easy, but I don't think custody will be a significant battle. | /r/Divorce_Men | 22/11/21 04:20 PM |
| 5 | Advise neededHey man, I'm just getting started my divorce journey myself, but I think you are describing some of things that I feel. That the marriage is about HER. You are expected to sacrifice for her, but that feeling is never reciprocated. I can relate this. I know the struggles of being the breadwinner but not allowed to spend the money. I have started a side-hustle so I can get my own spending money, because money from my job is dumped into a pile for her to spend. I don't get to spend any. It's weird.… | /r/Divorce_Men | 22/11/21 03:56 PM |
| 2 | At the end of my rope. Looking for any advice.Yes, getting right with myself may be the first step. I'm meeting with a new therapist tomorrow. | /r/Divorce_Men | 26/08/21 03:36 PM |
| 1 | At the end of my rope. Looking for any advice.Yes, I fully believe I do not turn my wife on, and I believe she is using me as the provider. I know for a fact she feels contempt and jealousy for me, she outright admits it. She'd mentioned being jealous of me because my parents have a lot more money than her parents. My mom died and left me a significant, but not life-changing, inheritance. She's angry because her parents don't have anything and she'll never get anything out of them. I tell her that she's lucky I'm here, but I don't think she… | /r/Divorce_Men | 25/08/21 08:09 PM |
| 1 | At the end of my rope. Looking for any advice.If she told me my sexual preference was physically uncomfortable or painful for her, obviously that changes my complaints here. I do not think it was a physical issue, I think it was more mental for her. She just didn't like me doing it. We have similar talks when I try to "stretch out" the experience a little. She would prefer i just get off as soon as possible and hates it when she thinks I'm trying to delay things. I dunno man, we're fully dysfunctional sexually I guess. If past lives/reincar… | /r/Divorce_Men | 25/08/21 07:35 PM |
| 1 | At the end of my rope. Looking for any advice.I just googled cluster-b myself, and I imagine like your wife, she doesn't seem to fit any category clearly, but I can see my complaints about her sorta sprinkled throughout all of them. Are you still married? Did giving your wife a diagnosis help in how you related to her? | /r/Divorce_Men | 25/08/21 07:15 PM |
| 1 | At the end of my rope. Looking for any advice.With the sex stuff, I do understand what you're saying. At least in theory. I guess I have many issues, and I know I am projecting my own insecurities into the "anyone but me" argument. I remember when we first started dating, and an ex-girlfriend of mine got me really into a certain position. Not even a super kinky one. I don't know the name of it, but it's like the woman on her back, legs on my shoulders, and me pounding away. We did it once, and afterwards she just said, "I didn't like that a… | /r/Divorce_Men | 25/08/21 05:20 PM |
| 1 | At the end of my rope. Looking for any advice.God damn man, yes, the similarities are striking. Was all your wife's shit brought on by tragedy? Did she ever "normalize", even post-divorce? I do not think my wife will have an affair. I've said it several times and I do believe it to be true. But I think this 'bisexual' revelation is performing the same basic function. Between our current sexual dysfunction and now her telling me I'd never be able to fulfill some of her sexual desires, it's still making me feel rejected and overlooked in a ma… | /r/Divorce_Men | 25/08/21 03:43 PM |
| 1 | At the end of my rope. Looking for any advice.I relate to not liking my wife. I do love her, she's the mother of my children and I know her better than I know most anyone else on this planet. But being with her in any meaningful way is fucking exhausting. I have wondered many times if she has a personality disorder. I don't know if I'd call them waves of up and down. For me, I'd describe them of waves of calm and chaos. Maybe that's different ways of saying the same thing, though. This round of chaos has a lot of outside influence for sure,… | /r/Divorce_Men | 25/08/21 02:47 PM |
| 1 | At the end of my rope. Looking for any advice.Your happiness is not dependent on whether she is happy or not. I need to convince myself of this. Thanks. | /r/Divorce_Men | 25/08/21 01:49 PM |
| 1 | At the end of my rope. Looking for any advice.I know my OP bitched a lot about my wife, and my wife is many things. But I do not think my wife is an evil person, or a cheater. I do not think should would claim abuse to keep me away from the children. Did this happen to you? Did you suspect your wife was capable of the shit she did, before she did it? | /r/Divorce_Men | 25/08/21 01:41 PM |
| 1 | At the end of my rope. Looking for any advice.What are the similarities? | /r/Divorce_Men | 25/08/21 01:37 PM |
| 3 | At the end of my rope. Looking for any advice.No, but after reading several comments that I should be seeking therapy, I am going to do that. | /r/Divorce_Men | 25/08/21 01:36 PM |
| 1 | At the end of my rope. Looking for any advice.By the end, my wife had sucked all the life out of me and left me a shell of a human. I didn't like who I had become. I have felt this way in the past, and I guess I do feel that way now as well. Like I said in my OP, we did put together a good 6 months or so before this latest round of issues. She was receptive and open, treated me with respect and appreciation. We laughed and had good times. It was amazing. It was the good, healthy marriage that I wanted. But now here we are again. I'm sick to… | /r/Divorce_Men | 25/08/21 01:35 PM |
| 1 | Did you end your marriage with no big problems?I don’t know if this will help you or not, but you sound like my husband. He expects me to react in a way that he has made up in his head when he says he feels a certain way. Since I am not a mind reader, I usually let him down. This is interesting, because it is exactly how I feel as well. In the case of the story above, I don't think I was anticipating or expecting a specific answer. But when I tell my wife I am feeling neglected and dismissed, I didn't necessarily appreciate the eye-roll and … | /r/Divorce_Men | 09/12/19 04:41 PM |
| 3 | Separated but still living together?Honestly with her Tinder comments towards you I'd bet she is ready now. This was my thought too... she was giving him permission in the hopes that he'd give her permission back. | /r/Divorce_Men | 05/12/19 05:01 PM |
| 1 | Did you end your marriage with no big problems?thats kinda where I am at present day... all over the place. Understood. I am in the same place. Thanks for sharing your story. | /r/Divorce_Men | 05/12/19 04:48 PM |
| 2 | Did you end your marriage with no big problems?I highly suggest you be involved in your children's lives to the utmost even at the expense of your career if necessary. Not sure where this came from... I work from home and am very, very involved in my kids' lives. I put my older one on the bus every morning, get her off the bus every evening. I take them both to gymnastics and both to speech therapy for the younger one every week. I am there every night for bedtime except for Wednesdays when I am off participating in a hobby of mine. I'd say … | /r/Divorce_Men | 04/12/19 09:17 PM |
| 1 | Did you end your marriage with no big problems?I mean what's the reason you haven't filed? As silly as it sounds, I don't want to surprise her with being served or this being a totally unexpected punch in the gut. I'd like us to come together as reasonable, civil adults and start the process together, work through the division of assets and schedule with the kids without the hostility. The times I ask for a separation or discussion of divorce, I just get told "no" and we continue down the path of counseling, fights, awkward discussions, forc… | /r/Divorce_Men | 04/12/19 01:00 AM |
| 1 | Did you end your marriage with no big problems?That's because she does not respect you. You are right about that. I exist only to serve her. Hard to respect a person in that role. Be sure to stay in the marital residence until the divorce is final. Of course, I'm just day dreaming. Thanks for your input, it helps. | /r/Divorce_Men | 04/12/19 12:43 AM |
| 1 | Did you end your marriage with no big problems?Maybe it's a "grass is greener" situation, but I think at this point I'd be totally fine if we just accepted a "best friends" attitude in the marriage and proceeded like that. We're good friends. When we try to force romance things get super shitty and they get shitty quick. but the bottom line is this... how long are we gonna do this? Yep, the million dollar question. If we assume we do it until my youngest is out of the house, that's 15 more years of this. 15 years of not feeling like I'm good… | /r/Divorce_Men | 03/12/19 11:43 PM |
| 3 | Did you end your marriage with no big problems?It’s just like we’re playing by separate rules and I end up just shutting down and staring straight ahead because I’d rather just shut up than continue in a circular argument. Or if I say fine we’ll do it your way then she says “you’re just saying that because you don’t want to keep talking”. She’s right. Yep. In one recent argument we went round-and-round, me trying to find a compromise and her unwilling to budge. Finally I just relented. Her response was "I don't want you to appease me, I want… | /r/Divorce_Men | 03/12/19 10:09 PM |
| 1 | Did you end your marriage with no big problems?She also doesn’t acknowledge them as people. She will just be talking to me about our daughter and how she was not listening and our daughter (5) is right there walking with us and listening to her just talk about her. Yeah man, seeing the interactions with the kids is tough sometimes. I see the guilt trips she lays on my 7-year-old and how they mirror the guilt-trips she lays on me. The kid just slowly looks down at the ground and gives an, "I'm sorry mama" in the most defeated tone. It probabl… | /r/Divorce_Men | 03/12/19 09:12 PM |
| 2 | Did you end your marriage with no big problems?Either you're saying something wrong or you're getting blamed. You aren't "getting blamed" if you are the one that fucked up. Again, this is something that should have been covered by now in counseling, and it speaks volumes of just how little you're (as a couple if not individually) not using what you're paying for. Maybe I mis-spoke or you mis-read, I am not sure... but I'd like to present an example because this is a major point we struggle with in our marriage. So on the topic of being emoti… | /r/Divorce_Men | 03/12/19 07:47 PM |
| 1 | Did you end your marriage with no big problems?Thank you for your story, hearing other's perspective helps. | /r/Divorce_Men | 03/12/19 07:39 PM |
| 1 | Did you end your marriage with no big problems?Hang in there... Thanks man, you too. | /r/Divorce_Men | 03/12/19 07:37 PM |
| 1 | Did you end your marriage with no big problems?You're unhappy and it's not going to get better. That sounds to me like a 'big enough problem'. I hadn't thought of it in those terms. Thanks. | /r/Divorce_Men | 03/12/19 07:36 PM |
| 1 | Did you end your marriage with no big problems?It's one of those issues that is hard to understand unless you're living it, I guess. I really think before living this myself, I'd tell a guy to cowboy-up and stick it out, keep working, keep trying. But things look different from the inside and with a little perspective. I appreciate the comment man. Hope things improve for both of us. | /r/Divorce_Men | 03/12/19 07:36 PM |
| 4 | Did you end your marriage with no big problems?Holy shit, brother... so much of your post rang so true to me, but none more than this: If I raise my voice or express even the mildest form of counter narrative or criticism, she will either narrow the parameters of the argument or straight up gaslight me. I have no voice unless its the voice she expects. I feel unsafe, alone, a failure as a husband and a father, and an all around bad person. Yeah man, exactly this. If I reference an issue from the past, she's quick to say, "you can't bring up … | /r/Divorce_Men | 03/12/19 07:33 PM |
| 1 | Did you end your marriage with no big problems?I have proposed that. She basically just said "no". | /r/Divorce_Men | 03/12/19 05:35 PM |
| 3 | Did you end your marriage with no big problems?She's been in some individual therapy but it is not consistent. She's on antidepressants. To make my situation even weirder, she's a mental health therapist herself. This doesn't make her immune to things like codepency or borderline of course (and I have had the same suspicions myself) but it does mean she's much better prepared to push back against accusations. Who am I to diagnose her, ya know? Your post is very true of course. I've known she's got self-esteem and projection issues, due to he… | /r/Divorce_Men | 03/12/19 04:50 PM |
| 3 | Did you end your marriage with no big problems?I keep circling back to "life is short" myself. Is this really how I'm going to live the rest of my life? Scared of conflict with the wife and uncomfortable in my home? This is my life now? | /r/Divorce_Men | 03/12/19 04:46 PM |
| 1 | Did you end your marriage with no big problems?In a sick way, I wish my wife would cheat and give me the necessary evidence. As you said, it removes all doubt. It sucks either way of course, but it's been many years of "should I or shouldn't I?" and if I do ever pull the trigger, it'll probably be several more years of "did I do the right thing?" | /r/Divorce_Men | 03/12/19 04:45 PM |
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