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MidniteOG Archive

View 7 posts and 231 comments by MidniteOG on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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1

Jesus fuk that’s harsh. I’m sorry. Goes to show who really was involved in the relationship
/r/Divorce_Men11/12/24 10:42 PM
1

Interesting take, and I appreciate the honesty. I made this post freshly into a separation, and after finding out my wife had already begun using our child as an experiment and starting a new relationship, not 2 months after she left.
/r/Divorce_Men11/12/24 08:29 PM
2

Thank you. someone recently told me “the windshield is bigger than the rear view for a reason”
/r/Divorce_Men23/06/24 04:15 PM
2

Thank you. I’ve heard I need to forgive myself and then her. I’m in the process of forgiving myself, and in turn finding myself again.
/r/Divorce_Men23/06/24 04:12 PM
2

I’m in a better place now than I have been. Trying to enjoy the time I do have with my child, but seeing other families out n about makes me angry and sad that it’ll never be us. I’m still haunted by her actions at night and when I’m idle. I’m still wanting to wake up from this nightmare, but I know it’ll never happen. Thanks for reaching out
/r/Divorce_Men23/06/24 03:53 PM
3

Planning to buy a truck, which I’ve wanted for the past 10 years but kept putti by off bc of other, financial related issues in the marriage.
/r/Divorce_Men15/06/24 03:30 PM
2

Thank you. I’m trying and struggling to let go, but I know I need to
/r/Divorce_Men13/06/24 03:10 AM
3

I’m trying, but I’m struggling. This past week has been extremely hard, and honestly idk why… The gym has been great, I’ve picked soccer back up, leaned on friends and have improved those relationships, more diy around the house and am putting together my daughter’s bedroom. But I find myself with a lot of guilt, even though this wasn’t my fault, I still wish I could go back and do this or that. I am still in love with who she was, and am blocking out who she is: liar, cheater, unable to apologi…
/r/Divorce_Men13/06/24 03:01 AM
7

The morning after our wedding when she wanted to go home to “spend time with her family” instead of sleep in, get a nice breakfast, or bang again.
/r/Divorce_Men12/06/24 09:53 PM
1

lol well I mean changed the 4 in our family… who knows what else has happened
/r/Divorce_Men10/06/24 09:24 PM
1

I hate it so much…. 4 lives changed bc she was selfish, in my situation anyway
/r/Divorce_Men10/06/24 08:39 PM
1

Idk man. After everything they have done and for me atleast, continues to do. I’ve been honest and open this entire time, yet she can’t be. I’ve taken accountability, apologized, tried to reconcile and have honestly changed a lot… she appears to be spiraling and I hate it so much bc I can’t save her
/r/Divorce_Men10/06/24 07:31 PM
5

Even if you got the truth, would you believe it? You’re not the only one. I too am struggling with this aswell…. I just don’t know. I have so much guilt, even though I’m not the one who did wrong.
/r/Divorce_Men10/06/24 04:40 PM
3

I’m sorry. That’s evil. I hate to think about what she’s doing and what we used to do. All the memories and everything we built and were going to enjoy. All 11 years of it trashed in the matter of 4 months…. I just don’t understand what happened. Life got hard for both of us, there were some life changing things that happened all at once which affected us differently, but she quit, moved out, and chose someone else instead of me, her husband and father of her child
/r/Divorce_Men09/06/24 12:25 PM
3

I know what you mean… wife abandoned me and our dog, taking our child and moved out. Desperate as I tried to reconcile I was met with “I need time” “it’s not out of the question”. I had these deep down fear and also snooped, and found she had been seeing someone. My attempts as reconciling were being dismissed so she could do his knows what, and then being this guy around our child? Lies, gas lighting, blame, manipulation and betrayal. I feel so robbed. So empty. Like who is this? But I also tel…
/r/Divorce_Men09/06/24 12:12 PM
9

That graphic shit is what people need to hear bc it’s truth
/r/Divorce_Men09/06/24 11:47 AM
4

No. She did this once. It hurts, it’s painful, it sucks. Your helpless bc you can’t do anything. I know this all too well. But no. Save yourself
/r/Divorce_Men09/06/24 11:45 AM
4

That’s the way it is… I don’t get it either. Despicable
/r/Divorce_Men06/06/24 01:01 AM
1

Thank you.
/r/Divorce_Men05/06/24 02:19 PM
6

Everyone’s telling me it gets better.. I can’t see my Future without her, but I also don’t know if I can see it with her. It hurts. I’m glad you’re better
/r/Divorce_Men04/06/24 10:48 PM
3

I know this feeling. I’m sorry. My stbx did the same. And as surprised as I am, idk why I am since that’s how we got together. I guess what hurts is the fact we shared so much of eachother with a child, marriage, dog, home and 11 years.
/r/Divorce_Men03/06/24 09:42 PM
2

Thank you. I do. I just find it hard to see the future at the current time
/r/Divorce_Men03/06/24 08:07 PM
1

So that’s horrible. I’m sorry. I’m trying to move on, but I can’t. It would be so much easier if I didn’t have a child, but the fact is I don’t and I’m not giving up on them. She destroyed our family off her happiness
/r/Divorce_Men03/06/24 04:17 PM
2

I understand want you’re saying, I do. This is all so fresh to me and I never expected this of her as her parents were divorced due to this. I’m just so torn. My heart and mind are at a battle. I can’t see my future without her, but I also can’t see my Future with her… I mean, she gave herself, so freely, to someone else…. Things we were only supposed to do with eachother….
/r/Divorce_Men03/06/24 05:10 AM
3

And that’s what hurt the most.. is that I damn near had to beg for sex at times, and she is Willy nilly giving it to who her gives her attention. I have her so much in this life we had and was going to build so much more with her, but she had to be selfish and ruin 3 people’s lives bc of it
/r/Divorce_Men03/06/24 05:07 AM
2

Ya I put 115k from my previous house into this one…. I’m also looking at losing out on my commissions, bonuses and 401k. The only thing I have of hers is her car and a couch she bought. Lucky me
/r/Divorce_Men03/06/24 05:05 AM
4

And that’s what I hate most…. The dude she is with is a dud, and she left everything, including the dog to enjoy whatever with him. But it’s her life I suppose
/r/Divorce_Men03/06/24 02:54 AM
5

Odd. Bc my money from my home sale, invested into the marital home became marital property
/r/Divorce_Men03/06/24 02:52 AM
3

That makes sense… I did see some and ignored them, he’ll even brought them up. She would alway s physically leave during arguments, and it scared me bc of what is happening now. But I guess that’s what I get for ignoring them
/r/Divorce_Men03/06/24 02:47 AM
3

Thank you. The problem is we live in a state where we have to be separated for 12 months… she’s also saying things like “I may not file”….. idk if it’s manipulation to keep me cooperating or if she genuinely feels this way… I haven’t made any decisions regarding reconciling yet, as I can’t see my future without her, but also can’t see it with her. I never signed up for this or to be a single dad/co parent / parallel parent whatever.
/r/Divorce_Men03/06/24 02:45 AM
3

Is it not 50/50 split?
/r/Divorce_Men03/06/24 02:42 AM
6

Is it not “a gift to the marriage” and thus 50/50?
/r/Divorce_Men03/06/24 02:41 AM
7

That’s what everyone tells me…. That’s what I believe he did when I found out she had been seeing someone… I still hate all of this so much as I didn’t want anyone else. But after opening up to close family and friends they all said the same Thing, that I missed or neglected to see the red flags.
/r/Divorce_Men03/06/24 01:50 AM
6

I wish it was this way to do so. I’m so hurt. So broken. So torn. Still love them so much.
/r/Divorce_Men03/06/24 12:53 AM
6

I don’t understand this at all… my stbx wants similar and wants to “be the best co parents”. No. I didn’t sign up for this, I didn’t sign up to be a co parent, parallel parent or a single dad. I signed up to be a single family unit, and parents. But a selfish decision tore all that apart
/r/Divorce_Men02/06/24 03:13 PM
3

Communicate only through text and record any interaction. Check laws to see if it’s legal
/r/Divorce_Men30/05/24 01:43 AM
11

The windshield is bigger than the review
/r/Divorce_Men26/05/24 06:23 PM
5

I haven’t.. my attorney said she’s heard of it happening ~3 years later… idk if I could
/r/Divorce_Men26/05/24 06:23 PM
2

It is. It truly is. You don’t even recognize the person anymore… who are you and where didn’t wife go?
/r/Divorce_Men26/05/24 05:55 PM
1

Yup, after everything we did and enjoyed. All thrown away for selfish ambitions. Ruining 4 lives (hers, mine, dogs and our child). I have dreams of us being together, and it haunts me… 6 months since I found out I’m just so incredibly uncomfortable with all of this
/r/Divorce_Men25/05/24 08:00 PM
1

Fuck I know that feeling too… play ground, malls, etc. I just want this bad dream to end. Custody exchanges ruin me bc there is so much I want to say, but I know she doesn’t care
/r/Divorce_Men25/05/24 07:57 PM
3

She initiated all this, and cheated. She “wants to be the best co parents” for our child… I don’t. I don’t want to co parents, parallel parents single dad etc. I signed up to be parents, as a family
/r/Divorce_Men25/05/24 07:47 PM
4

Going from husband and wife to strangers is so damn tough. Im in the same situation, she can walk around like everything’s fine, what we had didn’t exist / didn’t matter, but it tears me up inside. I hate all of it
/r/Divorce_Men25/05/24 06:56 PM
15

Leaving during arguments, avoiding hard conversations, blame, 1 up’s / keeping score, poor family relationships,
/r/Divorce_Men24/05/24 01:46 AM
3

Honestly? Nothing. She made these choice, not mistakes. I know this pain all too well myself. I hate it. I hate it for your kids. I’m so sorry. Seek legal counsel and then decide what to do from there
/r/Divorce_Men23/05/24 12:35 PM
6

I understand. I’m 6 months into a separation myself, and the future scares me. I see other families doing family things and it makes me sad and angry that I’ll never have that. She made selfish choice after choice and chose her happiness the cost of this family. I’m so torn
/r/Divorce_Men21/05/24 08:37 PM
1

That’s what I keep telling myself… why hide it? Why lie about it? Whose last name do you have? But no, surely it isn’t cheating, bc, according to her “we’re legally separated”… just imagine the hellfire I’d catch if I was doing that…. And what’s worse is that this guy is around my Child, probably more than me. Carving me out of her and our child’s life to replace me with some rando. 11 years, home, dog, child all trashed bc of a series of selfish choices
/r/Divorce_Men20/05/24 03:15 PM
1

Idk who reached out first in my situation, but same result.
/r/Divorce_Men19/05/24 06:31 AM
3

Absolutely found this out the hard way… “just a friend” is code for “they’re my next choice”… For me, “just a friend” turned into “I have developed feelings for them” in the shortest amount of time. Completely throwing away the last 11 years we shared
/r/Divorce_Men19/05/24 06:29 AM
1

I know. And I’ve been running that through my head since I found out. I hate it so much. I mentally block it bc I makes me so damn uncomfortable…. But then if I don’t think about that, I want her back so bad. It’s a vicious cycle.
/r/Divorce_Men18/05/24 07:31 AM
7

Ya that’s what I figured.. and honestly I’m not even interested in that at the moment. I’m just so hurt
/r/Divorce_Men18/05/24 02:53 AM
5

I’m in a similar situation…. Stbx moved out and is already seeing someone…. Been told I need to go off myself. I can’t bring myself to do it.
/r/Divorce_Men18/05/24 02:42 AM
7

I know this feeling… we had our issues, but it wasn’t anything I didn’t think we could fix, but she thought differently. I hate it so much bc there isn’t anything I can do. Not a damn thing.
/r/Divorce_Men17/05/24 04:00 AM
4

I’m 6 months into a separation / choice I didn’t make. I’m scared shitless of my future. This wasn’t an option for me, yet here I am. She overlooked the last 80% of the marriage for the recent 20% when things got tough. I knew it was a temporary situation, as I was creating change to benefit both of us. She decided she was done and moved on so damn quickly.
/r/Divorce_Men16/05/24 07:54 PM
14

Your lawyer is working in the best interest of you, and you’re asking us?
/r/Divorce_Men16/05/24 05:58 PM
0

I too hate this much. And I didn’t even make this decision, but she can walk around like everything’s fine, and wants to me “amicable” even tho she cheated. I mean damn, what a load of hurt I have to endure everytime I see her ghost that haunts me at custody exchanges
/r/Divorce_Men15/05/24 12:29 AM
2

Yes. Self reflecting on both sides. Don’t do anything you’ll regret, or have to lie about should you get back together.
/r/Divorce_Men11/05/24 05:03 PM
2

I feel the same. I am now in a situation due to someone else’s selfishness. I feel so robbed, and most of all angry that I can’t do a damn thing about it
/r/Divorce_Men08/05/24 09:21 PM
3

I’ve been keeping an email chain to myself since the beginning… pages and pages of stuff written. The roller coaster of raw emotion I typed up. The fear, anger, Sadness, truths, etc. it’s hurts to read and re read it, but it’s my story
/r/Divorce_Men07/05/24 12:23 AM
5

Good job on the weight loss. That’s something to be proud of for sure! Maybe try switching up the routine. Instead of a full body workout, try a back, chest, cardio, legs, arms/abs, rest split
/r/Divorce_Men04/05/24 06:12 PM
5

Bc they’re looking for a reaction to reinforce their decision, They’re mad at themselves,
/r/Divorce_Men04/05/24 01:45 AM
3

Turns out it wasn’t just a cheer squad to leave me, but to leave me and be with a person from the cheer squad, and my oh my did they try and hide this
/r/Divorce_Men30/04/24 04:04 AM
3

That’s the playbook my X did… friends, family, TikTok…. Meanwhile, I respected her and us enough to discuss few details with some select people in the hopes we would resolve This and the less people that knew, the better. Yet here I am
/r/Divorce_Men30/04/24 01:40 AM
1

You don’t know until you know….
/r/Divorce_Men27/04/24 10:54 PM
7

I hate this. I know this feeling all too well… and yet I was accused of breaking the trust bc I snooped and found my worst fear…..
/r/Divorce_Men27/04/24 02:51 AM
1

The life infront of you is far more important than the life behind you….. But I understand, I’m terrified too. I’m in a decision I didn’t make, and don’t know he to act, feel or even be. I don’t want to have to trust, get to know, meet, be vulnerable with someone else.
/r/Divorce_Men24/04/24 02:24 AM
8

Nope. Instead she lied and gave me false hope that she was. Only to find she was seeing someone else. So she was manipulating me
/r/Divorce_Men22/04/24 12:03 PM
2

No. But it is brought up as a way to manipulate the other party. My X had a long list of things she thought she could file and use against me. But never did, and I’m guessing bc there is no evidence of any of it.
/r/Divorce_Men22/04/24 11:51 AM
1

It doesn’t matter…… it never did. They didn’t care about their decision when they made it. It was their decision to benefit them, so why would they care about you after? Goes to show who invested much more in the relationship
/r/Divorce_Men21/04/24 11:08 PM
5

Having to start over. Meeting people, trusting them, getting to know them and their families, building a relationship….. But also the fear of letting go of the past 11 years as if they were nothing. This person meant so much to me, and then manipulated me and betrayed me.
/r/Divorce_Men21/04/24 10:01 PM
2

Yes. But I have been eating better and hit the gym harder. I know if I don’t eat i won’t have energy to go to the gym and it’ll be a bad spiral
/r/Divorce_Men21/04/24 05:27 PM
1

I was in complete shock when she told me, and topped it off with “I have feelings for him”. 11 years, thrown away just like that. I still don’t want to believe it and it’s been 4 weeks since I found out.
/r/Divorce_Men20/04/24 02:03 PM
2

And to think it wasn’t even my decision… she up and left, leaving me and the dog
/r/Divorce_Men19/04/24 03:11 AM
2

She did when it was good, but the last year before she left she didn’t. Just ignored it, yet I still attempted to celebrated hers
/r/Divorce_Men19/04/24 02:34 AM
5

She didn’t even wish me happy birthday when we were together before it all fell apart. I’m tempted to send her a happy anniversary card just to rub it in.
/r/Divorce_Men19/04/24 01:48 AM
4

You’re welcome. Everyone says it gets better / easier, I’m not there yet so I can’t comment. I know my faults, acknowledged them, and apologized for them. She can’t even do the same, which just proves what others have seen. I hate that it’s ending this way, it was death by 1000 cuts for us….. we had a lot of life altering events happen too close that we dealt with differently, instead of together… I tried to reconcile and was given false hope, lies and betrayed. But it is what it is.
/r/Divorce_Men18/04/24 12:53 AM
5

Ya I thought I was strong too.. hitting the gym really hard, alcohol just as hard, and put on a brave face. Everything finally caught up with me thought and I opened up to family and friends. While they haven’t talked about this amongst eachother, they all saw and said the same things about my X and made me realize it wasn’t me, I wasn’t the problem she made me out to be
/r/Divorce_Men18/04/24 12:18 AM
4

Ya my wife still has me hooked. I try and hold it in but I don’t always win that battle.
/r/Divorce_Men17/04/24 11:14 PM
1

I never minded it, bc I enjoyed doing it. But I see now it wasn’t appreciated.
/r/Divorce_Men16/04/24 01:10 PM
4

Way to stay strong… I fear that’s the decision I’ll have to make one day. I just hope I’m strong enough to protect my future happiness,
/r/Divorce_Men16/04/24 11:51 AM
3

I’m in a similar boat. She’s putting on this face of a “brave, victim, single mom who was wronged by her abusive and narcissist husband”. Happy go lucky at custody exchanges, school, etc. I feel your pain, but don’t feed into it and feed the beast. It’s tough, I lose the battle at times too. But stay strong
/r/Divorce_Men15/04/24 09:27 PM
2

I know this feeling too. It’s also fresh for me. The first one will sting the most. I was lied to, given false hope and had the rug pulled out from under me as I was trying to reconcile. But her mind was made up. 11 years gone, within 6 months. I’m told she downgraded, I try to act like I don’t care, but it’s tough. Especially since I have to see her multiple times a week for custody exchanges
/r/Divorce_Men15/04/24 02:43 PM
1

Some days I want to, so I can move forward. But some days are just so damn heavy. I still don’t acknowledge her either…. Part of me knows she uses that as reinforcement for leaving, but what’s it matter at this point
/r/Divorce_Men14/04/24 12:28 PM
2

I’ve also heard narcissists deflect… ironic no?
/r/Divorce_Men14/04/24 03:27 AM
3

Kind of a relief, no?
/r/Divorce_Men14/04/24 01:49 AM
2

Lol shiiiiiiid. My X has a leaky water pump, and possibly leaky oil cooler. I tried to repair it a while back, but they wanted to “save money”, for their eventual move out they were planning. Guess we’ll see how much they saved soon. Yikes
/r/Divorce_Men14/04/24 01:48 AM
6

Strong post. Odd how this correlates to my situation. Don’t forget to freely throw around the term narcissistic, selfish and being a victim
/r/Divorce_Men14/04/24 12:08 AM
11

Ya, I was told to forgive yourself first, and then your other half. I can’t get over that for what has been done. Problem is, we have a child. So it’s like my X has died, but her ghost haunts me bc we have custody exchange. I didn’t sign up to be a single parent, I didn’t create this mess, this isn’t fair to our child.
/r/Divorce_Men13/04/24 11:10 PM
12

Funny. My X said I was abusive, selfish and narcissistic. Yet everyone I’ve opened up to and shared details with has all stated she was the entire time.
/r/Divorce_Men12/04/24 05:47 PM
14

Don’t try and understand; it’ll only eat you alive. You deserve someone who wants to love you
/r/Divorce_Men11/04/24 09:14 PM
6

I know this feeling all too well… I’m trying to make sense of things that just won’t ever make sense. Answered to questions I’ll never know. I was given false hope, lies and betrayal. It hurts, it stings. It’s painful. I’ve been told to forgive myself, and then her. But it’s easier said than done
/r/Divorce_Men11/04/24 12:58 PM
2

I have so much guilt this past week, it’s debilitating… but I know I’m not solely to blame…. B it it’s easy to look back on things one could have done… meanwhile she can’t acknowledge, apologize, or even stop blaming me for all of it
/r/Divorce_Men10/04/24 11:40 PM
3

Yup. I took those vows knowing full well I wouldn’t break them unless there were dire circumstances. I knew we had issues, but nothing that couldn’t be overcome or that wouldn’t be temporary. At times I questioned my love, but never lost it and always came home. Turns out all the love i thought we shared was one sided
/r/Divorce_Men10/04/24 11:21 PM
3

You and I both… I’ve been told you need to find forgiveness. For yourself and then your X. I’m 6 months into separation I didn’t decide to have, and I haven’t found it yet, as I still carry so much guilt and questions I’ll never know the answer too.
/r/Divorce_Men10/04/24 03:46 PM
3

The same level I was at during the marriage. Absent. For the better though. They didn’t care enough about her happiness, and would rather see her go through a divorce than try and talk to me about the situation
/r/Divorce_Men09/04/24 12:37 AM
1

Thank you, I’ll check it out
/r/Divorce_Men07/04/24 03:38 AM
1

I like that. Thank you. It’s just all so fresh at the koment
/r/Divorce_Men06/04/24 11:27 PM
1

Where do I get that? I’ve heard of that and haven’t. Picked it up yet. Can you share a link? But the wound is all still so fresh
/r/Divorce_Men06/04/24 11:27 PM
1

Yes. I was told similar things, that she prayed I would come home and tell her I cheated…. Didn’t know how to respond or react so I just took it. Thinking she was saying it out of anger, so I could react negatively and be easier to leave. Never once did I say something so evil in return. She left anyway.
/r/Divorce_Men06/04/24 05:15 PM
3

I like that, thank you
/r/Divorce_Men06/04/24 04:56 PM
2

Ya my buddy said that I’m trying to make sense of things that don’t make sense, which is true. But it’s driving me insane. My situation is scarily similar to “forgetting Sarah Marshall” movie
/r/Divorce_Men06/04/24 04:55 PM
3

Idk man. Together 10 years, married 4, and have a 3 year old. Separated 6 months. I’m willing to forgive and have tried to reconcile, but have been met with “I need time” “it’s not out of the question” only to find she is now seeing someone. Despite all of that I’m still trying.
/r/Divorce_Men06/04/24 03:38 PM
5

Nothing better. I had a solid regimen prior to my situation, but once it hit, sometimes I went twice a day. It’s all I can do to sleep at night sometimes…. I lay awake wondering, thinking, trying to make sense of it all. But the gym is a great outlet, with a positive outcome.
/r/Divorce_Men05/04/24 01:19 PM
3

They do. We do. I am. It hurts
/r/Divorce_Men05/04/24 02:46 AM
2

She did me that favor when she abandoned both of us…. And I got the dog for her years ago. It was the saddest thing, him crying and scratching at the door for hours after she left. He still pokes his head out looking for her when I come home. Breaks my heart to tell him she’s not coming back
/r/Divorce_Men04/04/24 06:52 PM
2

Legally we’re still married… 6 months separated. I’m just so torn bc I hate her for doing that, but I still have love for what was and what could have been
/r/Divorce_Men04/04/24 04:26 PM
2

Those are some heavy posts, and I can relate to too much. I’m so sorry. I just can’t stop thinking that she is being victimized by him due to her vulnerability during this….
/r/Divorce_Men04/04/24 03:11 PM
2

Ya it’s something I am considering though if this continues… I put on a brave face and thought I was ok… but then I found out she is seeing someone else and I’m a wreck. Thank you
/r/Divorce_Men04/04/24 02:56 PM
2

I’ve been putting that off bc I don’t want to get hooked on it and put myself in a worse spot
/r/Divorce_Men04/04/24 02:48 PM
8

I’ve been hitting the gym, sometimes twice a day. It’s great when I’m there to get out all the anger, frustrations etc out in a positive way. But that’s just a distraction and the nights are so quiet I’m consumed with the bought of what once was
/r/Divorce_Men04/04/24 02:45 PM
1

I feel you… we had out issues. Her confidence in appearance, being a mother, and keeping up with the hose….. I failed in those regards bc in my mind, all of that was such little concern. I knew she was a good mom, a good wife, but never re assured her. But she also pushed me away. She would blame me when I physically couldn’t assist due to my work schedule. I pleaded with her about ignoring certain things so I could do them on my time, but me being gone 40/60 hours a week and her working from he…
/r/Divorce_Men03/04/24 08:29 PM
11

Going through hell? Keep going.
/r/Divorce_Men02/04/24 05:59 PM
10

Men don’t file, women do. Men tend to take the financial burden since the woman takes her time for the kids and family.
/r/Divorce_Men01/04/24 12:58 AM
2

Well with my situation, she was working off emotions instead of logic.
/r/Divorce_Men31/03/24 08:07 PM
6

I tried to cry it out, drink it out, work it out and fuck it out me. Nothing worked but time, and seeing her derail and not being me down
/r/Divorce_Men31/03/24 05:43 PM
3

Not yet anyway
/r/Divorce_Men31/03/24 12:17 PM
2

This is exactly what she wants and is doing, and it fucking hurts
/r/Divorce_Men31/03/24 12:17 PM
4

This is so god damned painful. 6 months into separation, and she has been seeing someone the last 3 months. Even brings him around our 4yo. I’m a strong person, but this is breaking me.
/r/Divorce_Men31/03/24 12:14 AM
5

The morning after our wedding. Instead of wanting to sleep in at the hotel or get a nice breakfast, they wanted to get back to the house to see their family.
/r/Divorce_Men25/03/24 05:06 PM
9

I hate to say it, but you’re right. It is my fault I’m here. Looking back there were signs, I had a gut reaction to some of it. But I persevered in the thought tat it’ll pass, it just takes time. The rive of true love blinded me. And I was right all along, it did pass, with me being on the ass end of a decision I didn’t make
/r/Divorce_Men23/03/24 12:40 AM
5

You need to see her for what she is now and not what she was during
/r/Divorce_Men19/03/24 01:48 AM
1

Idk, but when you do please tell me. This would be so much easier if that wasn’t a part of the process
/r/Divorce_Men19/03/24 12:40 AM
1

No one in that field wants that bc it means less money for themselves
/r/Divorce_Men17/03/24 02:18 AM
2

A walk outside. That combined with vitamin D will have you feeling right
/r/Divorce_Men15/03/24 01:25 PM
2

You need to build a routine, and understand that change wont happen over night. Set small goals
/r/Divorce_Men14/03/24 04:41 PM
6

Sounds like you all are perfect for each-other
/r/Divorce_Men10/03/24 01:46 PM
7

I never considered divorce an option, outside of some drastic events, yet here I am. On the ass end of a decision I didn’t make. And not on of those drastic events caused it
/r/Divorce_Men08/03/24 02:10 AM
1

No, bc that doesn’t make sense
/r/Divorce_Men02/03/24 05:39 PM
3

11 hits hard lol
/r/Divorce_Men28/02/24 01:13 PM
1

It’s great when it’s great, but bad when it’s bad.
/r/Divorce_Men25/02/24 02:26 PM
7

No. Getting divorced is
/r/Divorce_Men25/02/24 01:35 PM
1

Going through hell? Keep going. That’s what I’m using
/r/Divorce_Men25/02/24 02:26 AM
1

We’ve all been through it. Some worse than others. Whatever numbers, calculators, people have told you, etc isn’t concrete. It can all be agreed upon. Hiring an attorney will be a financial hit for sure, but think of it as an investment in your best interest… Whoever thought to get the government involved in marriage can go to hell.
/r/Divorce_Men25/02/24 01:45 AM
2

This is now a business relationship, opposed to a relation relationship. Business is cut throat and you will need to make difficult decisions.
/r/Divorce_Men25/02/24 01:15 AM
2

It needs to stop sooner so the kids care is consistent. I know it’s hard, painful, whatever. But that’s the important factor
/r/Divorce_Men24/02/24 11:53 AM
1

Retaining council would be smart. Don’t forget about child support
/r/Divorce_Men24/02/24 01:54 AM
11

Divorced parents, and how that went down. I believe that was a factor in my situation Parental approval is another. You’ll never heard the end of it
/r/Divorce_Men21/02/24 11:51 PM
2

Or maybe you just haven’t found them….. clearly bc this relationship is over
/r/Divorce_Men21/02/24 02:01 AM
3

There’s no easy answer, but time. Even then it’s a long process…. What does help is not seeing who she was, but who she is
/r/Divorce_Men21/02/24 02:00 AM
2

I know it’s not easy, but it’s what’s needed. Best of luck
/r/Divorce_Men20/02/24 02:46 AM
5

Personally I’ve been hitting the gym. Hard. It’s a good escape, and a positive out. Problem is, when I drive home it’s still empty. Best of luck
/r/Divorce_Men19/02/24 02:29 AM
1

I’m not too sure. Anything can happen, and I believe animals are classified as property
/r/Divorce_Men18/02/24 07:39 PM
5

You need to prove it to her and not us. Keep that mindset at the forefront when interacting with her, even when it gets difficult
/r/Divorce_Men18/02/24 04:48 PM
1

That I don’t know. I would consult the attorney
/r/Divorce_Men18/02/24 03:05 AM
1

No, I wouldn’t either. But don’t attempt to keep anything
/r/Divorce_Men18/02/24 02:28 AM
2

Let her take what’s here. From my understanding, the house and equity is all yours. Best of luck
/r/Divorce_Men18/02/24 01:32 AM
1

Call and act like your going to cancel for a discount?
/r/Divorce_Men18/02/24 01:24 AM
4

You miss what you had, but obviously she has changed. You need to see her for what she is, not was. I know it’s hard, it stings, but that’s the truth
/r/Divorce_Men17/02/24 09:20 PM
6

Fuck, that letter hurt me. My situation is similar to yours in that I’m in the limbo stage, for a decision I didn’t make. That letter is for the best, but that doesn’t erase any pain
/r/Divorce_Men17/02/24 02:13 PM
1

There’s a lot of factors in this. Who do the kids spend the most time with? Who buys what?
/r/Divorce_Men17/02/24 02:00 AM
5

Ya. For me, it was go to work and then do family time / chores. I tried to set up date nights, outings, etc. but it was always met with “no”, and for BS reasons
/r/Divorce_Men15/02/24 09:51 PM
2

Having a kid is life changing, literally and figuratively. I don’t have an answer for you, but I can relate. I wa put second, and for a while that was ok bc it was our first child. But then resentment grew, the blame game started, and t dissolved. That’s all I know, and I am still seeking answers.
/r/Divorce_Men15/02/24 09:36 PM
3

Idk what to tell you, but do you want to do some work for me?
/r/Divorce_Men15/02/24 08:48 PM
3

Me and my situation? Yes
/r/Divorce_Men14/02/24 11:41 PM
3

Fuck it. Go. You might meet someone, or atleast escape for a few days
/r/Divorce_Men14/02/24 07:13 PM
1

Ya I attempted the consultation to call her bluff and see. I’ve had some consultations with firms, and most agree that since I haven’t received any communication from that firm, or the way the child support order was completed, indicates stbx may not have one
/r/Divorce_Men14/02/24 01:02 PM
1

There’s been no communication with any law offices, other than stbx saying they have one and giving me their info. I tried to have an consultation with that firm, and they declined, so they atleast discussed the case
/r/Divorce_Men14/02/24 12:49 PM
1

Yes, that is the case. So it would be safe to assume they don’t have one either?
/r/Divorce_Men14/02/24 12:36 PM
1

All good. I wasn’t sure if this was common practice or not
/r/Divorce_Men14/02/24 03:49 AM
1

Where I’m at, That can’t be done until a year from official separation. In several consultations, I was told it was odd I didn’t receive a document from the opposing counsel regarding the situation and their contact info. Leading me to believe they don’t have counsel?
/r/Divorce_Men14/02/24 03:16 AM
2

Take notes of everything, record if you can
/r/Divorce_Men14/02/24 01:59 AM
5

Shit really stings, but if there’s one thing I learned in this process, it’s “comparison is the thief of joy”
/r/Divorce_Men09/02/24 02:38 PM
5

You don’t know until you try. Atleast you can say you tried. I feel for you
/r/Divorce_Men08/02/24 09:53 PM
2

We tried couples counseling, she loved it, I hated it. It wasn’t neutral, and the therapist was taking my wife’s side on everything. Anything I said wasn’t given the time of day and everything she said was gospel.
/r/Divorce_Men06/02/24 10:34 PM
3

I guess pending your jurisdiction you may be in the clear
/r/Divorce_Men03/02/24 09:09 PM
11

She has all she wants, got it from you, now you’re in the way, and now has no need for you.financially? Pfft she has that covered too, thanks to you. Unfortunate reality
/r/Divorce_Men03/02/24 04:30 AM
1

People now adays like it in their hair. Odd, but it’s the fad
/r/Divorce_Men01/02/24 09:05 PM
1

Ya I think that was a major factor in the separation of us. Don’t get me wrong, I would do my part, or atleast try too. But it would have to be on my time due to my work schedule, which wasn’t ideal.
/r/Divorce_Men29/01/24 07:53 PM
5

The silence is deafening. Change the home as it was, to what you want. Paint a wall, get a new carpet, etc. Find some things to do outside of the home, play music or have the tv on.
/r/Divorce_Men29/01/24 07:28 PM
2

I did what I could as my work schedule would allow and my X would allow. They had this anxiety where if it didn’t get done, they would dwell on it. So of course that became a scorecard which only made me look bad But now I am free to do things on my time without the nagging and constant reminders that they “had to do” this or that
/r/Divorce_Men29/01/24 06:51 PM
2

Ya well I fell into that trap
/r/Divorce_Men25/01/24 06:10 PM
3

-Their ability to leave during an argument -them wanting to spend time with their family on our day after wedding instead of sleep in, get breakfast, etc -them comparing us to others -divorced parents -“then I guess I’ll need to deeply think about us if you feel that way”
/r/Divorce_Men24/01/24 09:55 PM
0

Option 1
/r/Divorce_Men21/01/24 04:42 AM
3

Take a consultation with an attorney, but most likely, yes. And then some as alimony, more if the house is kept by you
/r/Divorce_Men17/01/24 09:38 PM
2

What are you worried about with the breathalyzer? Seems straight forward
/r/Divorce_Men16/01/24 11:41 AM
1

Thanks! The accounts were started during the marriage, and have my kids name along with my name on them since they are under 18. So not tied to her at all other than being involved in the “equitable distribution” state
/r/Divorce_Men12/01/24 11:03 PM
2

Makes sense and good advice, thanks!
/r/Divorce_Men12/01/24 02:24 PM
3

Stay strong king 👑
/r/Divorce_Men10/01/24 01:31 PM
7

That sounds alot like the lawyer taking….
/r/Divorce_Men10/01/24 01:57 AM
0

Thanks!
/r/Divorce_Men08/01/24 02:27 PM
6

If not to attract women, do it for your health. Physical and emotional. You never know when you may need to lift yourself up out of trouble one day. Not to mention the endorphin high
/r/Divorce_Men08/01/24 02:26 PM
5

As will we
/r/Divorce_Men08/01/24 02:13 AM
3

You need to seek legal counsel
/r/Divorce_Men07/01/24 10:38 PM
2

Whose house is it? But don’t move out
/r/Divorce_Men04/01/24 09:18 PM
6

I understand 100%
/r/Divorce_Men01/01/24 11:50 PM
12

All that’s left are memories, good and bad. It’s like they died
/r/Divorce_Men01/01/24 11:37 PM
4

Get into counseling ASAP, but it as long tough road, often not won. Consult an attorney and see what you’re in for. Strike first, strike fast if necessary It’s self fulfilling. It means she’s thought about it and is realizing it as man actual option, not jus something that happens to a friend of a friend Consult “the best” attorneys, regardless of their retainer fee, bc then she can’t use them.
/r/Divorce_Men28/12/23 03:38 AM
4

There should be something considered for those that want to walk away simply “just because”.
/r/Divorce_Men25/12/23 02:29 AM
0

Alcohol, friends, and the gym
/r/Divorce_Men23/12/23 01:46 AM
7

Idk if we want to “let” it fail, but what else can we do? They walk out, take the kids, 1/2 or more of everything, and then legally rob us ontop of that…
/r/Divorce_Men21/12/23 06:48 PM
2

Fawk…. This didn’t just slap me, bulldozed me, backed up and did it again.
/r/Divorce_Men21/12/23 12:38 AM
1

I stand with you. She got what she wanted, and she’ll also get what she doesn’t want, this being one of those times. Stand strong
/r/Divorce_Men13/12/23 05:30 PM
0

That’s the responsibility of being a man
/r/Divorce_Men02/12/23 07:34 PM
1

Start using a debit card and get cash back and store it… it’ll look like a trip to the grocery store, but that extra $100 onto the statement will be hidden away
/r/Divorce_Men22/11/23 04:13 PM
7

That’s sucks and I feel for you. On the bright side. You can easily bounce back, and be able to start all over, on your terms, and move your life. You cannot love someone into loving you back
/r/Divorce_Men15/11/23 12:39 AM
11

Idk your jurisdiction, but you have rights to your house, material things and daughter. I fitness forsee any alimony coming from you, as she makes double what you do and may very well have to pay you. Seek. Council
/r/Divorce_Men15/11/23 12:15 AM
1

Have a dog, still lonely af
/r/Divorce_Men13/11/23 02:21 AM
7

For the love of god, don’t have a baby to fix a relationship
/r/Divorce_Men12/11/23 02:16 AM
1

Nothing was discussed. One day we were together, the next they were gone
/r/Divorce_Men09/11/23 08:49 PM
1

No you’re fine, I didnt take it negative at all. But ya I guess it would be different for everyone
/r/Divorce_Men08/11/23 11:46 PM
5

Wowza, that’s pretty wild
/r/Divorce_Men08/11/23 11:23 PM
2

Valid, but it did happen during separation, and if sex wasn’t happening during the marriage, that would be upsetting
/r/Divorce_Men08/11/23 11:22 PM
1

Similar to your friend or?
/r/Divorce_Men08/11/23 11:19 PM
1

Like I said, not the legal definition of it, opinion. But opinions are like assholes and everyone has one I guess.
/r/Divorce_Men08/11/23 11:18 PM
1

Fair enough…. But option 1 and 2
/r/Divorce_Men08/11/23 06:53 PM
3

Lol I agree that truck bed slaps… re discovered it the other day.
/r/Divorce_Men08/11/23 04:27 PM
17

Funny how that works
/r/Divorce_Men08/11/23 05:40 AM
2

I know this feeling all to well… ir sucks, it’ll continue to suck, it’ll always suck. It gets easier to manage it.
/r/Divorce_Men29/10/23 01:03 AM
6

That is a funny realization… I just got done doing dishes, cooking and laundry. Now I’m just sitting in a chair reading this, AND it’s only 2p…. Starting to think it was a lack of time management on their part
/r/Divorce_Men28/10/23 06:20 PM
2

It starts with yourself. Get out of your comfort zone and: Change your haircut Change your clothing Get new shoes Paint a wall Out with the old, in with the new
/r/Divorce_Men28/10/23 01:33 AM
6

Everyone told me the same thing during my time… “what your saying is logical”… i didn’t fully understand it then, but now it makes sense
/r/Divorce_Men26/10/23 12:44 AM
16

That paired with the bad relationship advice info given out on TikTok and such is the root cause
/r/Divorce_Men16/10/23 05:04 PM
1

That’s why you pay your lawyer to step in and ensure your rights… no judge has any business being a judge if they can’t be impartial
/r/Divorce_Men03/10/23 10:27 PM
3

I bought it and it’s in my name? Thag shiz is mine fam
/r/Divorce_Men20/09/23 12:04 AM
6

She made the decision to ruin it, it’s not up to you to fix it
/r/Divorce_Men11/09/23 06:02 PM
2

Get cash back when at gas stations, stores etc stash it away. It all looks legit, but it’ll be your money. Extra 100 here, 50 there..
/r/Divorce_Men11/09/23 01:11 PM
12

Blows my mind that something in her name can be tied to you… insanity
/r/Divorce_Men11/09/23 12:36 AM
1

It’s nice to see some winning after the rollercoaster. Congrats!
/r/Divorce_Men05/09/23 02:47 PM
1

From the outside looking in, it’s not you… does she have friends? Family close by? What is her job? Sounds like undiagnosed depression
/r/Divorce_Men04/09/23 01:17 PM
1

Get new clothes, get a haircut, hit the gym or atleast go for a walk. Get outside in the sunshine, and try new things.
/r/Divorce_Men02/09/23 01:15 AM
3

It’s amazing that anyone can be brought to such a place mentally, to execute such things. Especially towards someone you once took vows with
/r/Divorce_Men16/08/23 09:04 PM
0

I guess the good thing is that we live in a 12 month separation state prior to any court proceedings
/r/Divorce_Men16/08/23 09:03 PM
2

Let’s chat via pm. But to answer the questions, I really don’t know…. I can tell you, you need to save photos of the dating site and what not to show her side of the story, and e split how you found them to prove that is emotional abuse v what she is accusing you of
/r/Divorce_Men16/08/23 05:18 PM
1

That’s a good point. Problem is she is trying to maneuver that into position and say I’m unfit. But her judgement is clouded that she is capable of being remote while I don’t have that luxury, and I don’t think she comprehends the difficulties it presents at times
/r/Divorce_Men16/08/23 05:13 PM
3

That’s the issue is that she is able to be remote and I am not, so alot of the responsibility does fall on her. I work Long hours, outside of the home, which I believe is the basis for her argument that I’m “not present so she should just be on her own”…. I believe she is also getting bad advice from friends and her family regarding the situation, which is causing her to make bad decisions
/r/Divorce_Men16/08/23 04:19 PM
4

Thanks. All bank accounts, cards, etc have been separate.
/r/Divorce_Men16/08/23 03:20 PM
6

Really wishing I did, but I’d rather use that wish on not getting married
/r/Divorce_Men16/08/23 01:50 PM
1

Nc is a communist property state. If divorce is the option, try and sort it through mitigation. We’re any of the homes purchased prior to marriage? Can’t help with losing a dog, sorry about that, that sucks. I’m not too sure how the debt would work in this case, but be prepared to pay for some, not saying you will
/r/Divorce_Men12/08/23 01:45 AM
2

Before a gym session when you take a double dose of pre workout, and have just had some solid food
/r/Divorce_Men11/08/23 08:51 PM
1

I don’t doubt it. I’m just saying, in her attorneys eyes it could be conveyed as such
/r/Divorce_Men10/08/23 11:26 PM
0

That depends…. You have been paying the bills, which she is accustomed too…. Abruptly stop and that could be considered abuse
/r/Divorce_Men10/08/23 11:23 PM
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