~ archived since 2018 ~
~ archived since 2018 ~
| Upvotes | Comment on | Subreddit | Date (UTC) |
|---|---|---|---|
| 4 | Looking for tips to guard myself better5 weeks, well least you didn't have years invested in it. After my divorce, I learned not to make a woman the center of the universe. I care alot about my girlfriend of a couple years but I keep the mindset that if something were to happen to cause to go our separate ways, she isn't the last woman on earth. I think she sees this and seems to try a little harder to keep my attention which is the way I want to keep it. No worries OP and if you also want a woman that demands a yacht, tell her good … | /r/Divorce_Men | 11/05/26 03:07 PM |
| 3 | One of the strangest parts of this process is how normal you still have to look while your life is under pressure.Absolutely and it's one thing employers neglect to mention. You can use it for mental health reasons and your job security stays intact which is amazing. Definitely look into it! | /r/Divorce_Men | 12/04/26 05:24 PM |
| 11 | One of the strangest parts of this process is how normal you still have to look while your life is under pressure.Yep, it sucks and even if you want to vent, nobody gives a crap. I had to "relieve" myself by people ducking into conference rooms and actually it may have worked in my favor. A few months later, I mysteriously got a retention bonus. That being said, the pressure eventually caught up to me and I had to take FMLA. Best 2 months off of my life and completely reset my mental state. Someone mentioned it already but when you realize you were able to conquer this, then nothing else will stop you. | /r/Divorce_Men | 10/04/26 05:20 PM |
| 11 | How long did you wait to be intimate again?I took one year (4 seasons) to have time for myself and fully handle the situation and also prioritize getting my kids in a good place as well as my new house. Women can be a huge time sink and honestly after divorce, I just wanted all that time to myself. Once I got mentally to a good place, I decided to dip my toes into the water but it was really about 1.5 years before I even casually dated someone. There is no right or wrong time but there is more harm in going too quick than too slow. | /r/Divorce_Men | 30/03/26 12:44 PM |
| 3 | Success StoryThis needs to be stickied!! Great stuff here and getting out of survival mode is #1! I went through the exact same stuff and my first priority was getting on stable ground. After that, the rest fell into place! | /r/Divorce_Men | 23/03/26 05:40 PM |
| 9 | Gave her a 2nd shot. Blew up in my face. Once a cheaterI know some folks say that you can't always use that phrase but I don't buy that. Caught my exw a few years back, gave her the boot. I come to find out she did the same thing to her previous fiancee years before I met her so it validated my decision to exit hard and fast. I'm pretty sure the same will likely happen to her Old Man Balls AP in the near future. These people are broken and it's not our job to try and fix them. | /r/Divorce_Men | 12/03/26 03:00 PM |
| 9 | Vasectomy After DivorceDone 2 years before getting divorced, didn't know at the time I'd be single again in a few years but zero regrets nonetheless. I have 2 kids already, don't want any more and there are definitely women out there that wouldn't mind "accidently" getting knocked up. Nope nope nope. Get it done yesterday and don't forget the post op swimmer check! | /r/Divorce_Men | 30/01/26 07:00 PM |
| 6 | Does anyone else feel like "a looser" despite "winning" at most things in life?Dude, you are killing it, you just haven't been able to see through all the fog. It took me a solid year of reflection and therapy to see I won the lottery from getting away from my cheater exw but now 3 years later and life is grand. I'd be happy with my kids just loving me (which they are happy little rhesus monkeys) but I got a house, some land, lots of hobbies and friends and things are bright on the financial front. One thing - Don't tie your happiness with having a relationship or another … | /r/Divorce_Men | 06/01/26 08:51 PM |
| 1 | New gf and enforcing boundaries about kid timeYep, correct u/sampa2nyc (and I know you have been following a while and as always thanks for your perspective!) Current gf treats me well, she does come from a different culture and we have different styles and a little friction but overall she treats my kids and I very well. I do understand her side of things as well and our communication has been excellent all challenges aside. My exw on the other hand while generally OK to my face continues to be a PITA behind my back......Old Balls | /r/Divorce_Men | 05/01/26 03:38 PM |
| 3 | New gf and enforcing boundaries about kid timeSo she hasn't created drama when my parenting time comes up. Her time with her kids and mine aligns so it's just one of those "oh it's coming up, time to prepare for the kiddos" thing and we just know we will have a little time apart during the week. Generally, we don't see each other much during the week as well unless it's lunch or a meet up with all the kids too. Overall that part has been smooth and our kids get along too which helps. Tbh I don't think this is anything nefarious to split me … | /r/Divorce_Men | 30/12/25 02:54 PM |
| 3 | New gf and enforcing boundaries about kid timeOh yea, I try to enjoy as much time as I can with, at this age it means alot and you don't get the time back! | /r/Divorce_Men | 30/12/25 02:50 PM |
| 2 | New gf and enforcing boundaries about kid timeAbsolutely, those are key memories for a little kid for sure! I've been cautious as well and as a courtesy I do tell my gf ahead of time if I have some big thing planned as well. | /r/Divorce_Men | 30/12/25 02:49 PM |
| 5 | New gf and enforcing boundaries about kid timeIve always held my ground, I remember going on a date with a childless, never married 39 year old and she let it slip that her social life wouldn't tolerate kids. She got dropped about 38 minutes after that :D :D :D | /r/Divorce_Men | 29/12/25 08:22 PM |
| 1 | New gf and enforcing boundaries about kid timeAppreciate the comment u/Paddle_Pedal_Puddle ! | /r/Divorce_Men | 29/12/25 08:21 PM |
| 7 | New gf and enforcing boundaries about kid timeThank you u/alw5555 !!! I appreciate your comment. So far, I have only deferred time one time for a pretty important family event on her side. My kids were with her kids and they all had fun so no harm done but still, it's hard to give up that time. Appreciate your comment! | /r/Divorce_Men | 29/12/25 08:19 PM |
| 1 | New gf and enforcing boundaries about kid timeI do like this time and generally at the beginning of each month, send her my G-calendar. | /r/Divorce_Men | 29/12/25 08:18 PM |
| 2 | New gf and enforcing boundaries about kid timeFrom what I gather, there are two things. Her oldest is now out of high school and her youngest is a bit older than my oldest and a little more independent. I think there is a bit of a "trying to regain for lost time aspect as well from her previous marriage (she isn't asking this for every weekend and generally we do stuff together with all of our kids when it's our time). | /r/Divorce_Men | 29/12/25 08:17 PM |
| 5 | New gf and enforcing boundaries about kid timeMine are both < 10 so they are definitely in the "want to be around Dad" phase which I love. So I guard that time with my life. | /r/Divorce_Men | 29/12/25 07:08 PM |
| 3 | New gf and enforcing boundaries about kid timeThis has always been my approach and with the exception of a very important family event on her side, I've maintained my approach. Wasn't sure if I was inflexible but figured I'd put it out there. | /r/Divorce_Men | 29/12/25 04:22 PM |
| 5 | New gf and enforcing boundaries about kid timeThat's my thinking and I feel like crap to think I'm gonna leave my kids just to go out for drinks or to be entertained. She's a good woman but it's one thing that stands out about "why is this not obvious to you why I don't want to do this?" | /r/Divorce_Men | 29/12/25 03:56 PM |
| 4 | New gf and enforcing boundaries about kid timeYep, I know IG and all the social media is full of that. And if so, so be it. | /r/Divorce_Men | 29/12/25 03:31 PM |
| 6 | New gf and enforcing boundaries about kid timeIt's a point of tension. She is definitely more of the "I need to live right now" type whereas I'm more than happy to wait until my time off. | /r/Divorce_Men | 29/12/25 03:30 PM |
| 2 | New gf and enforcing boundaries about kid timeNo she lives separately and her kids are also 50/50 on roughly the same schedule | /r/Divorce_Men | 29/12/25 02:56 PM |
| 2 | What are your thoughts on posting your kids pictures on social media?That would be the balance I would strike right there u/miami2881 ! I set my vacation photos with kids to that so my parents and relatives could see. At least that way the circle is limited as well. | /r/Divorce_Men | 22/12/25 08:25 PM |
| 1 | What are your thoughts on posting your kids pictures on social media?I rarely if ever post my kids. Don't want a digital footprint of them because you never know who is following. My exw posts every flippin thing and it drives me nuts. If anything, change your settings for close friends and family but there is almost no negative to keeping your kids offline. . | /r/Divorce_Men | 22/12/25 08:21 PM |
| 7 | Please Help, I am BrokenI documented my story (if you have a free evening) but I had a similar situation. TLDR: It was a giant kick in the nads at first but I hunkered down after divorcing and rebuilt my life. Kids have done better than I ever expected, I've been able to live my life as I want and buy what I want and have done flipping well but not without first walking through hell. Honestly, life is what you make it bud and what helped me was just putting my goals in front of me and going after them with 100% ruthles… | /r/Divorce_Men | 19/12/25 09:06 PM |
| 8 | Does anyone actually secure a date on Bumble?Never had great luck on Bumble, the women would match and then never initiate conversation or flake out. Hinge was better but not by much. This is the reality of dating these days but it sucks in general. Have an LTR now but if things go south, I don't plan on going on apps ever again. | /r/Divorce_Men | 02/12/25 02:01 PM |
| 5 | any men regret their vasectomy?No regrets, was done with kids when I got it done. Gave cheating exw the boot and been dropping loads trouble free ever since | /r/Divorce_Men | 20/11/25 03:34 AM |
| 6 | Full Circle with Affair PartnerWhat's with it that these exes cheat with old man balls crusty dudes. Nearly same boat as you brotha, I can't figure it out. | /r/Divorce_Men | 31/10/25 04:11 PM |
| 1 | Yet another question: Ex-wife not agreeing to get passports - Next step?So, I decided to ChatGPT this (yep, the premier legal authority) and essentially this is a non-issue. This is considered "normal parenting differences" but doesn't form the basis for any way to change the custody order. So, attending all the extra-curriculars is noted but things like "missing parenting time, substance abuse, factors affecting mental stability, etc." factor MUCH more in considering any change. | /r/Divorce_Men | 28/10/25 05:46 PM |
| 1 | Yet another question: Ex-wife not agreeing to get passports - Next step?Hey u/Any-Reflection-8891 , I just saw this today. I really love Reddit for these types of fresh eyes perspectives and truly something I value and why I post. Yes, I have always thought she could be and most likely is keeping track to the nth detail. She didn't want me to have any custody when things went down but I think she realized quickly that wasn't going to fly so conceded to 50/50. But, she probably is writing down every transgression no matter how small in the case I mess up big time. Ho… | /r/Divorce_Men | 28/10/25 02:10 AM |
| 2 | Yet another question: Ex-wife not agreeing to get passports - Next step?Good point, she is somewhat savvy but not sure if she even thought this far ahead. Her concern is not valid but who know what she is going to lie about to get her way. Thank you for letting me know about this, I had no idea about it!!! | /r/Divorce_Men | 28/10/25 02:04 AM |
| 1 | Yet another question: Ex-wife not agreeing to get passports - Next step?Yea I know u/Noys_23 but this just chaps me to no end. I know she is doing it to spite my gf and I rather than let the kids see parts of the world. I agree, I think in the short term I will take them locally and have a record of "see, we can do this just fine". But still, its discouraging to have to deal with this. | /r/Divorce_Men | 28/10/25 02:03 AM |
| 1 | Yet another question: Ex-wife not agreeing to get passports - Next step?I've been pondering and I have to think that I'm probably going to have to go through the legal system to get this to happen. It's unfortunate, I was hoping to handle this like adults but she is as stubborn as a mule. | /r/Divorce_Men | 28/10/25 02:02 AM |
| 2 | Marital settlement finally signed! Can I buy a motorcycle without risk of splitting? Or should I wait Judge’s decree.OP, just play it safe and wait the extra month or so. Once the ink is dry from the judge, you are free and clear. I know there is always the itch to do something but a little more time won't hurt. | /r/Divorce_Men | 27/10/25 01:54 PM |
| 6 | Dating After DivorceHey OP, I am almost in your same situation, had the exw step out, booted her out, took some time and now in a good relationship with a very good woman who has treated me well. Give yourself a little grace firstly, you went through a betrayal and of course it's going to leave a scar. One thing I learned is you can't control others so don't dwell on what happened to you and frame your new lady in that light. It's also not fair to your new person. Secondly, realize your relationship with your exw i… | /r/Divorce_Men | 21/10/25 02:44 PM |
| 4 | “I love you, but I’m not in love with you”It means they are cheating. Kick them to the curb and move on asap! | /r/Divorce_Men | 07/10/25 02:30 AM |
| 11 | The not-so-surprising ending of my ex-wife's affair: lasted 2.5 yearsGreat advice and I remember you bud as I was posting stuff along the same timeline. Old man balls is still hanging around but I saw him looking pissed off the other day at the grocery store, dip wad is now experiencing the same miserable stuff I did and I can't help but last. Seems like you got to the other side like me, beat up but stronger for it. Much respect!!! Keep on keeping brotha. | /r/Divorce_Men | 07/10/25 02:21 AM |
| 21 | Ex brings homewrecker bf to my kids' events on my days with them.u/divorced_dad9875 , yep, been there, done that, got the T-shirt. What you are feeling is 100000% natural and I walked your steps, one by one. It's hard not to want to re-arrange the guys face, in my case, he DEFINITELY knew my exw had two young kids and was married and he was working hard on swaying her. In the end though, my exw is the one that opened the door and didn't tell him to go pound sand. He may be have the moral equivalence of moldy cheese but it's also on the exw for accepting that.… | /r/Divorce_Men | 26/08/25 12:50 PM |
| 5 | Ex-wife’s boyfriend punishing my kids.Probably the best advice here and although you may not like it, so long as it's not abuse then you'll need to keep it to yourself and control what is on your side of the fence. Concentrate on that and do the best you can while they are with you. | /r/Divorce_Men | 06/08/25 04:57 PM |
| 3 | Exw using kids to manipulate in a new relationshipAppreciate your reply !!! Sorry to hear things went south after 6 months but seems like this situation is somewhat normal with some exes. I'm guilty of taking the bait as well but I learned my lesson and now I view the lense of long term winning the war vs. short term losing the battle I'll keep this advice front and center! | /r/Divorce_Men | 05/08/25 12:57 AM |
| 3 | Exw using kids to manipulate in a new relationshipTotally agree on all points. My SO's kids are a bit older so I know she is in a bit of a different life spot in terms of parenting as those kids are less needy. I've talked to her about this and also put in some boundaries of "when I have my kids, I will be focused on them and we have our own time". It's brought about a little bit of conflict at first but she respects it and we know plan for certain occasions knowing I leave early or just don't go and join on my own time. No matter what, my kids… | /r/Divorce_Men | 04/08/25 03:59 PM |
| 5 | Exw using kids to manipulate in a new relationshipAppreciate the kudos, My GF is great but I always keep my eye on my kids well being first and foremost and just want everyone to be happy and also respectful. I agree as well, I did take the bait on something my exw did to stir the pot and it also did not end well. I have since learned my lesson and keep my cool big time. But I agree, my exw sold a big story on how big of a loser I probably was, etc etc and here I come with a new lady and a big smile on my face. Kind of throws her "I'm the victi… | /r/Divorce_Men | 04/08/25 01:25 PM |
| 2 | Exw using kids to manipulate in a new relationshipI have thought about this as well, maybe from their viewpoint they see their dad slipping away. I talk to them at every chance to re-assure them it's not the case and my son improved after I told him that. I may look into a child therapist just to smooth things over. | /r/Divorce_Men | 04/08/25 01:23 PM |
| 4 | Exw using kids to manipulate in a new relationshipTell me about it, I honestly think my exw's fairy tale old man balls romance didn't pan out and she is lonlier than ever from what I see. So now what better than messing with the life she threw away. I pity her. | /r/Divorce_Men | 04/08/25 01:22 PM |
| 6 | Exw using kids to manipulate in a new relationshipI took the time to be alone and heal and decided I didn't want the actions of my exw to spoil the rest of my life. In general, all my other relationships were good and ended on amicable grounds, no harm no foul. Ended up with so far a very good woman and taking things one by one. The lessons of my exw are front and center, I'm guarded about certain things for sure but not sour, life is too short for that. | /r/Divorce_Men | 04/08/25 01:21 PM |
| 6 | Did your mutual friends remain "neutral" after wife's affair?Yep, same story as everyone else. To be honest though, I was never super close with my exw's circle and the dudes I stayed in contact with got cheated on as well, so we all have somewhat the same story. Otherwise, nobody gives an f and will generally keep distance at first. I kept my issues to myself, never dumped anything no social media and made my rebuild a priority but kept it secret. Now 2 years later, people see the dude active having fun with his kids, house, having fun with my toys and a… | /r/Divorce_Men | 22/07/25 01:57 PM |
| 2 | Some women are happy to gloat about how amazing stepdaddy but start losing it when "stepmum" enters the pictureOh man that is a definite no!!! How many chankletas have you had thrown at your head? | /r/Divorce_Men | 21/05/25 06:26 PM |
| 3 | Some women are happy to gloat about how amazing stepdaddy but start losing it when "stepmum" enters the pictureI've had my full spectrum of latinas, oh yea, I am aware! However, my gf now passed a few important tests, takes accountability when I call her out, hasn't had things handed to her (like my exw has) and has a very caring and supportive family who have shown they really care. Yes, none of these things are guarantees at all but they are definitely things not present in my marriage. One thing I've learned from latinas, you have to lead and be masculine but also not be affected when they have their … | /r/Divorce_Men | 21/05/25 06:26 PM |
| 21 | Some women are happy to gloat about how amazing stepdaddy but start losing it when "stepmum" enters the pictureMy exw tried to sell those goods until I showed up with a hot Latina. That curtain fell down real quick when my kids started gravitating to my girlfriend and learning Spanish. I got lots of laughs from that. Meanwhile my ex and her geriatric new bf are twisting in the wind. Ha! | /r/Divorce_Men | 20/05/25 10:24 AM |
| 5 | How to get mental clarity and energy back?I can relate, it took me a good year to get over the massive scheisse sandwich that my exw gave me with divorce, buying a new house, so on and so forth. There is no easy way through, it's like the old Winston Churchill saying "when you are in hell, keep walking". I spent a good year in solitude and splitting time between home improvement projects and exercise. Therapy helped and also keeping my mind focused on something. One option to look into is if your employer offers paid medical leave. The … | /r/Divorce_Men | 14/05/25 05:41 PM |
| 12 | Has your view of women in relationships changed?I can for sure say any naivety I had regarding relationships is now forever gone. I'm constantly watching actions (not words) as they are what matters most. No more putting up with garbage to keep the peace, I let my current gf know if I don't like something or it's disrespectful to me. And for sure after being divorced, I now know I don't need someone and could be content to live alone but rather a partner is there to join me for the ride. If it doesn't work out, OK, nice to know you. | /r/Divorce_Men | 19/03/25 01:46 PM |
| 8 | Has your view of women in relationships changed?Happy pair, that's fair. Love that saying! I think anyone that say's the "happy wife...." stuff needs to get slapped from here on out. Totally agree, I've learned you need to give a bit of distance and "make your own happiness" to women now. Doting and giving them everything they want is a bad recipe. | /r/Divorce_Men | 19/03/25 01:19 PM |
| 2 | I am really sad for the men that do family activities with the SBTXWWell said u/Camping_Dad_RC ! OP, we have all been in your shoes man, you are justified in feeling like you do man. That being said, take it from me, at some point you gotta release it for your own sanity and realize being there for your kid is going to matter more than your exw. I haven't forgiven my exw for what she did but years later, I see she traded her great life for something crappy and I did the work and have a great thing going. I can be in the same room with her and do the occasional e… | /r/Divorce_Men | 14/02/25 03:14 PM |
| 13 | Coping with betrayal from wife. Having hard time.We play a role in our relationships as others have said but not for your wife cheating. You were in the same relationship, did you go out and plow a bunch of women? Nope. That whole "you take some ownership" is bs and anyone who says so deserves a swift kick to the pills. Take it from me, once a cheater, always a cheater (my exw cheated on her previous fiance unbeknownst to me) and who knows if she pulled off more than 1x while with me. I kicked her to the curb and now after some time to heal, m… | /r/Divorce_Men | 13/02/25 08:12 PM |
| 2 | Just a thoughtThere are a ton of factors but entitlement seems to be a core tenet for folks (men and women) that are cheating. Entitled to act out on one's feelings, entitled to get something at the expense of someone else, entitled to do what they want because "somone held them back". Also entitlement to not feel sorry for the damage they have done. | /r/Divorce_Men | 10/02/25 05:13 PM |
| 2 | HELP! Looking for affordable divorce lawyer near Detroit, no idea where to start looking.Best advice is have you go on Avvo.com and search for 5 star lawyers practicing in Family Law. You will see by the ratings who is worth their $$. They will be 300-350 per hour, I didn't go cheap and my lawyer was competent and got things moving and done. If anything, just be cognizant of any phone calls/emails and you can always save a little by gathering your own documents/organizing/etc instead of the paralegal doing the work. Good luck. | /r/Divorce_Men | 05/02/25 02:13 PM |
| 18 | She PlottedWelcome to the club brotha. They all do this, give them a great life and a couple years after you get to a good point they say "I'm not happy" and blow up their lives. I'm 2 years post divorce and although the first months are hard, I did the hard work and my life is taking off like a Saturn rocket and my exw's little affair adventure resulted in her getting engaged to a guy who won't marry her for 5 years and is now not showing up to "family" events. It's hilariously laughable!! Plow on, take t… | /r/Divorce_Men | 21/01/25 02:37 PM |
| 4 | Almost made it 1 year in post-divorce relationshipHmm OP, this doesn't sound like the dream partner of a lifetime. Some people can have trauma from a past relationship that does take some time to unwind. My current gf had the tendency to get wound up pretty fast and nitpick and then escalate. We had some pretty deep discussions when I brought up the issue and the root issue was her constantly being on edge because of how her ex-husband communicated to her and how she felt like she constantly had to be in fighting mode. It took us a little while… | /r/Divorce_Men | 02/01/25 08:17 PM |
| 7 | *UPDATE* Did you guys give your STBXW the courtesy of letting her know you were dating again?OP, it's best you just work to move on and divorce with the best possible deal. I wouldn't bother with dating right now to be honest, it's a distraction and it's best you focus all your energy on moving on, building a new life and make the best version of yourself as possible. The women will follow afterwards. As for whether you need to tell an ex about dating, no no no. None of their business. After I divorced, I spent a year rebuilding my life and then only jumped into dating when I was ready.… | /r/Divorce_Men | 02/01/25 02:18 PM |
| 7 | A man aloneThe pain is only temporary brosef. We men love harder and deeper so that's why it takes time to climb out of this pit. It took me a good 6 months to get out of my funk but I found just getting as much time outdoors, hitting the weights and so on was the best anti-depressant ever and made me feel like a Greek God. That's what you need, we men need to feel powerful so find that thing that does that and dive deep. You got this man! | /r/Divorce_Men | 13/12/24 02:25 PM |
| 3 | Dating ConfidenceLots of good stuff here, what worked for me was honestly playing the numbers game, going on a lot of different dates with very different women and having no goal besides, let's just have a fun night with no expectation beyond that. It took a lot of rejection and keep in mind there are ALOT of women out there with very skewed expectations (they are overweight/not in shape, kids, no goals) expecting to meet Mr. Perfect and those you just need to filter, say thank you for your time and move on. I t… | /r/Divorce_Men | 19/11/24 04:19 PM |
| 3 | Do you guys ever financially recover?Yes, my exw spent her salary on amazon crap every month and I wondered where the cash went. I got pretty lucky in my divorce and 2 years after it was done I'm nearly on par with my net worth as it was previously married. Main thing is watch your spending, invest regularly in index funds and also think long term value when buying things. For example, I built myself a nice basement gym for < $1000 buying used or being creative. That ks investing in myself, I have a 24/7 gym and no monthly payment … | /r/Divorce_Men | 09/11/24 02:20 PM |
| 4 | How did you manage relationships and assets after divorce?Hey u/Purple_Bishop2 , I hear ya and I hate the feeling my view of marriage/relationships definitely has some scarring from the damage done from divorce. It sure as heck is going to make me MUCH more conservative in anything moving forward. But, I'm happy to hear there are cases where the 2nd go around is much better, I certainly hold that conclusion as a possibility for me too. | /r/Divorce_Men | 18/10/24 08:01 PM |
| 2 | How did you manage relationships and assets after divorce?This is great stuff and I've been thinking that this type of relationship is the new thing for the future. I did enjoy married life but it does become suffocating in some ways especially if one person like's their free time and the other constantly needs attention as was my case. In any case, I know the day to stress of life can put a lot on people and I think if you remove sharing a house, cleaning duties, finances, etc, it removes alot of argument points and it also makes the time spent togeth… | /r/Divorce_Men | 18/10/24 07:59 PM |
| 2 | How did you manage relationships and assets after divorce?Yup. Seeing how I vetted my exw for 4 years before getting married and what I thought was a good marriage turning sour VERY quick, the logical part of my brain says every relationship is a roll of the dice. I can accept that but I can't accept losing things I worked very hard for especially prior to retirement far off in the future. | /r/Divorce_Men | 18/10/24 12:25 PM |
| 3 | How did you manage relationships and assets after divorce?No, separate places and my place is only big enough for my kids and I (somewhat did this by design). No plans to at the moment and honestly I like having my own space. | /r/Divorce_Men | 18/10/24 12:20 PM |
| 2 | How did you manage relationships and assets after divorce?My thinking right here. That being said, I have no problem contributing to a joint investment thing, it would only make sense since the intent is to build a life and if not, split 50/50. But I want everything else to stay split, I would definitely have much more skin in the game and I've learned my lesson the first time. | /r/Divorce_Men | 17/10/24 07:35 PM |
| 2 | How did you manage relationships and assets after divorce?So far we haven't had the big picture conversations like that, I've hinted that I'm in no rush for anything and she said it as well considering divorce was only a couple years back for us both but I'm just waiting for the mask to drop. | /r/Divorce_Men | 17/10/24 07:33 PM |
| 3 | How did you manage relationships and assets after divorce?I did take a look and it seems common law is not recognized here for about 60 years. What all that means, looks like I have more research to go down the rabbit hole but that's a start. | /r/Divorce_Men | 17/10/24 07:32 PM |
| 18 | 'Not in love'Ahhh code words for the stbxw is cheating. Lawyer up now! | /r/Divorce_Men | 16/10/24 12:52 PM |
| 7 | What was the event that led to your divorce? Was it preventative?Exw decided to move on and find another partner without telling me 1st. Discovered it and nuked her and Old Man Balls AP into orbit. Was it preventable? It's hard to say. My exw cheated on her ex-fiance (didn't know that) so I think this is a core issue for her that has never been resolved rather than put in the work to make the marriage rock solid. As for me, I'm loyal to a fault and have never even thought to cheat and loved my family more than anything in the world. But, I learned to some peo… | /r/Divorce_Men | 16/09/24 01:07 PM |
| 6 | Fuck you. I'm still standing.Dang we married the same woman! Welp, I hope that POS enjoys her toxic farts :D | /r/Divorce_Men | 12/09/24 09:23 PM |
| 1 | Dating appsIn my experience, yes, they are a complete crap show and it takes a ton of effort to weed out the gems from the mud. I took it way too seriously when I first started and got frustrated and also wasted alot of time. I took a break, came back a second time and was a bit more selective and took my time to make sure things were jiving before going on dates. Still had some bad dates but in the end, I was able to meet someone very nice with similar goals, it just took ALOT of effort. I have no real gr… | /r/Divorce_Men | 11/09/24 01:21 PM |
| 5 | Opinions? Considering Disclosing STBXW's affair on Social MediaThis is just mirroring what others have said but there is ZERO benefit to airing dirty laundry on social media. Nobody cares or at worst they love seeing others misery. I would also add that no matter what, the dude is always the POS in a divorce no matter what the circumstances. Other women will never take your side and most husbands are noodle spined simps UNLESS they too have also went through a divorce. I honestly let my social media dry up during the course of everything and my exw went on … | /r/Divorce_Men | 09/09/24 06:17 PM |
| 1 | Time always exposes what you truly mean to someone.100%, divorce shows you who yours real bros are, who never gave a crap and those who see $$$ from your situation. It trimmed my friend circle for the better and I'm thankful for that! | /r/Divorce_Men | 03/09/24 11:17 AM |
| 5 | $400 an hourI did my research on here as I was going through my ordeal. My lawyer was also in the neighborhood but she was VERY competent and wasted no time in going through the drive through fast lane to get me divorced. Only advice I can get is if you call or send emails, make out a list of 5-7 things and try and lump things together in one communication. Also, if your state is a 50/50 type thing, aim for custody first (if you have kids) and get that nailed down before discussing assets. From there, asset… | /r/Divorce_Men | 21/08/24 05:27 PM |
| 19 | Just slept with another woman again and ended up crying in my bathroomBrotha, give yourself 4 seasons alone before dating. You need to be alone for some time to clear yourself of your ex and get to know yourself. I did it and I'm very thankful I did, it made dating much better since I was mentally free of the past. | /r/Divorce_Men | 17/08/24 12:05 PM |
| 17 | Guys, the peace of mind and silence is truly worth itI got constantly berated for trivial crap like that, had a beautiful paid off house and my exw could find fault in anything just like her lazy Mom could find fault in her beautiful new 7k sq.ft home. The beautiful thing about being divorced is now if the exw wants to complain, I just ignore her. It's fantastic!!! | /r/Divorce_Men | 31/07/24 05:07 PM |
| – | Securing/protect assets after divorceThis is somewhat what I was thinking and then something along the lines of naming my brother as the executor in case something happens. No matter what future relationship I have, I want my current assets to go only to my kids. | /r/Divorce_Men | 25/07/24 01:04 PM |
| 2 | Overheard a conversation this morningu/Emotional_Lettuce251 Bingo! I didn't think this would get questioned like it has or would it get deep thought. But let's face it, women are beauty objects to men and some dude who is getting badgered by Sofia Vergara will still get the "well at least she is hot AF!". Any dude that is getting badgered by Jabba the Hutt is immediately gonna get looked at as "wtf man?". I don't care to debate whether it's right or not or don't take it, just saying the reality of the situation. | /r/Divorce_Men | 25/06/24 06:00 PM |
| 3 | Overheard a conversation this morningIt's never OK but I could understand a tiny bit more if the wife looked like Salma Hayek and he was taking it. | /r/Divorce_Men | 24/06/24 07:25 PM |
| 18 | Overheard a conversation this morningI was at the beach this weekend with my kids. About one hour into our fun, this couple sets up shop about 10 feet from us, likely mid 30's. The dude was in OK shape, decent looking dude but I thought his wife was his Mom at 1st. She just looked rough and a BIIIIIIIIG lady, did not take care of herself and they had a toddler together. I don't want to throw shade at first, I get how things happen after a kid but she was just talking down to him for every little thing he wasn't on top of (GET THE U… | /r/Divorce_Men | 24/06/24 01:27 PM |
| 3 | Divorce 🎁 presents for yourself?In my settlement, I took an equity buyout so the exw would stay in the house she bought before marriage and I could get a nice payout. Bought a place down the road from my kids that was a smaller house but a bigger back yard and even better, bigger garage. No complaints on that trade off, house is plenty decent when the kids are there, easy to clean and I have space for my other toys, fire pit and back up to the woods. I finished my garage with a nice polyaspartic floor and a few months later mo… | /r/Divorce_Men | 17/06/24 03:19 PM |
| 1 | Publishing a multi part tell all. I’m tired of the lies.Reality check here is posting anything on social media is no good. Your ex has been probably telling people for months if not years lies to make you look bad and the minute you have a rant, it will validate what she has said even if it is not true. It's a tough pill to swallow but the court of social opinion will always favor the newly divorced mom with kids even if she is a cheater. That being said, the unsatisfying path is to ignore her, get off social media and just focus on yourself. I took … | /r/Divorce_Men | 17/06/24 01:21 PM |
| 10 | Will one ever see the tables turn?I used to have these same thoughts man and I finally just one day had enough and banished the exw from my mind. I get it though, the scales of justice are unbalanced and we want to see something happen. I put it like this. My exw is still working a good job, kept the house (she bought me out) but it's realllly nice after all the work I put into it and on the surface, she seems like she has it made with Old Man Balls Gramps AP. But, this is a woman who just like her mom has everything and can't b… | /r/Divorce_Men | 14/06/24 12:37 PM |
| 1 | Checking in with my fav communityPreach on brotha! After getting divorced and making it through the muck, I've come to find the newfound freedom has been nice, no longer being yelled at for not spending all my weekend cleaning and it never being good enough. I loved being a husband/father but the more I see it, it just seems like long term jail. My former FIL seemed miserable, my dad certainly isn't happy and friends/coworkers don't seem like they are in wedded bliss. I've had a couple relationships and am currently in a decent… | /r/Divorce_Men | 13/06/24 01:45 PM |
| 1 | Has anyone achieved greater career/financial success after divorcing?Yes on both fronts. I just so happened to have a lateral career change to a growing industry right before the divorce (was doing so to take on reduced hours/less travel for the family) and I put my nose to the grindstone during the divorce to keep my mind fixed on something. That earned me some good kudos and job has been compensating me extremely well since then not to mention the experience in a new industry will pay off in the future. Didn't do too bad during the split, marital assets were sp… | /r/Divorce_Men | 13/06/24 12:35 PM |
| 2 | Dating in your high 40sI second the vasectomy! Definitely lot's of ladies out there with the baby rabies! | /r/Divorce_Men | 31/05/24 04:39 PM |
| 9 | 354 text messages over 10 days w/ some guy and she still denied cheatingHey OP, I can give you some advice as I was going through a job transition during my whole divorce/cheater exw drama. I didn't initially approach my new manager with any of my drama but I did mention to her ahead of time if I had some upcoming things I would need to use PTO for (court stuff, blah). It was h3ll for a few months but I blew off steam at the company gym and tried to knock out the tasks I was handed and actually, the new job helped me put my mind on what needed to be done there vs. t… | /r/Divorce_Men | 30/05/24 03:32 PM |
| 20 | Just found out she’s cheatingHey OP, feel free to go through my post history, I intentionally wanted to document my journey through h3ll to give others hope. You are doing this correctly, get an attorney on retainer and get protections in place (ex parte, etc). You can always pull back a filing but at least it's in place so your ex can't drain your bank accounts, etc. As others have said, she is in the "fog" and is in an addictive mix of hormones and chemicals that make people act irrational and think they are in the greate… | /r/Divorce_Men | 29/05/24 12:30 PM |
| 3 | What are the odds of me getting 50/50 custody of my daughters?Feel free to DM me but I have a little experience here. 50/50 should be no problem, the courts actually start at that and would budge if you have some sort of substance or law issue or you allow it. You'll be fine man! | /r/Divorce_Men | 25/05/24 01:07 PM |
| 1 | FriendsRight on, never understood the dumbass that wants to wife up a woman who cheated on her husband. I guess ill find out soon how much he will enjoy his 3rd divorce hahahhaahhahahah! | /r/Divorce_Men | 20/05/24 01:30 AM |
| 2 | Getting the SnipGot it after having 2 kiddos, knew I was done. A year later the exw goes ahead and cheats. Welp, that vasectomy was worth every penny as I can now have one less thing to worry about dating again. Sure, it narrows down the dating pool but I don't care, I didn't want kids anyway. Have a new lady and she loves the fact we don't have to worry! | /r/Divorce_Men | 13/05/24 12:54 PM |
| 7 | Would you ever think about trying again?I'm all for having an LTR with someone who has gone through a similar experience and learned from their mistakes. However, I think marriage is a construct for family and kids. As I don't plan on having kids again, then I don't think it's worth it or necessary. However, I do remain open to being committed to someone. | /r/Divorce_Men | 09/05/24 01:07 PM |
| 18 | Took Her Less Than Two Months To Find Another ManIt's a feature, not a bug my man. You got both your kids OP, it will take a while to see but you are a wealthy man! As others said, your exw had this moron lined up long ago. Let him take out your trash. Also, take a year or two off, be happy being alone. Trust me, its well worth it! | /r/Divorce_Men | 07/05/24 01:52 AM |
| 3 | Dating a Divorced Single-Mom that has 100% custody of her Children...You have already said you don't get a great feeling. That should be enough to pull the plug. There are other women out there my man. I had gone on a few dates with a woman with a few kids and this situation, she was cool but it became a pain to schedule anything with her. Cut it off and moved on. Now dating a woman with a couple of kids and she and I are much better able to align time, definitely better! | /r/Divorce_Men | 06/05/24 07:25 PM |
| 2 | From my kids mouth: ex’s new partner hates me and wants to fight me. What should I do?I unfortunately still have to see her several times a week for kids extracurriculars. I intentionally dressed baggy for several months so she couldn't see any obvious changes but recently with the weather changing, I did start to wear t-shirts and tighter fitting clothes. She had to see the change but she didn't say anything LOL. | /r/Divorce_Men | 29/04/24 12:56 PM |
| 8 | Infidelity. Cannot serve two masters (Let me put words to your questions and thoughts.)Right on brother. The never content with things is exactly right. Let the next poor schmuck deal with someone who is an endless black hole. | /r/Divorce_Men | 28/04/24 04:32 PM |
| 1 | Reveal cheater during divorceUnless you're in an at fault state, adultery doesn't mean much. My advice is hold it close to the chest and tell only close friends and family 1st. Her family will still likely take her side but at least they will know you're not an AH. Also, here is reality: no matter what, you are the man and most people especially women will think you are the AH anyways. Don't give two sh1ts trying to convince anyone and if you go on a campaign, even if it is true people will think you are crazy and deserve t… | /r/Divorce_Men | 27/04/24 07:08 PM |
| 2 | From my kids mouth: ex’s new partner hates me and wants to fight me. What should I do?Yea for sure. I'm not super jacked by any means but at 40, not having a dad bod and having some muscles puts me ahead of most men in this age bracket. So many dudes let them go and all the women I have been with have complemented me on being put together. One thing I learned is ALOT of younger women do love slightly older men, being in shape just sends them into overdrive. The attention I have gotten has helped me deal with the kick in the nuts my exw put me through for sure. | /r/Divorce_Men | 27/04/24 06:07 PM |
| 2 | From my kids mouth: ex’s new partner hates me and wants to fight me. What should I do?Yep, I bulked up from 180 to 205 and my strength has gone through the roof. I'm working on slimming down since I didn't do this the cleanest way but I wanted to put on some size and look more powerful than anything. Its a long term journey and I still have a ways to go but I feel really good! | /r/Divorce_Men | 27/04/24 05:43 PM |
| 2 | From my kids mouth: ex’s new partner hates me and wants to fight me. What should I do?No not yet. I know dipshit love bombed her initially with talk of marriage but I'd be surprised if he followed through. | /r/Divorce_Men | 27/04/24 05:27 PM |
| 5 | From my kids mouth: ex’s new partner hates me and wants to fight me. What should I do?Dude sounds like a no self-esteem big ego loser. Don't even engage with him, it can end from bad to worse. I think what you are doing and documenting is a good step! I find acting indifferent and just living it up drives people like this nuts. They want some sort of emotional reaction and you just are the Rock of Gibralter. I got worked up at 1st with anything and everything with the exes AP, now I just do lots of cool stuff with my kids that I know gets back to both of them. The best was when m… | /r/Divorce_Men | 26/04/24 06:22 PM |
| 2 | Don't be so quick to give your freedom upHey u/AdneyNorthWest, I used to play Ibanez back in the day but I tried out these Sterling Music Man's and really loved the playability. I got a 4 and a 5 string Ray and they are both great and VERY reasonable. I got my 5'er off of Reverb, brand new at a discount so take a look there for some deals. Feel free to ask any questions if you have them! Sterling | Basses | Ernie Ball Music Man (music-man.com) | /r/Divorce_Men | 25/04/24 01:59 PM |
| 19 | Dating in your 40sDating at this age is a disaster man. You have to sift through a lot of porta potty mud to find a decent gem. I wasted a lot of 1st dates on unappreciative women but it was part of the learning experience. I became more selective and scrutinized profiles much more to weed them out. Any profile where the woman has a laundry lists of musts, NEXT. Excessive partying, NEXT. No life goals or ambitions outside of "traveling", NEXT. If they also complain excessively about their "emotionally abusive" ex… | /r/Divorce_Men | 22/04/24 12:26 PM |
| 3 | Well boys, I'm doneGreat post man, I had a similar experience as you and eveeything you wrote is gold. Switzerland friends- yeap, it was heartbreaking to hear what I thought were close buddies to pull the "we don't want to take sides". I get it but it says you have no problem with cheating. F*** them and keep your true bros close. | /r/Divorce_Men | 21/04/24 01:24 PM |
| 4 | Post-1st Date: How long do you wait before texting?Things I learned when dating: Always have a few lined up, it helps to quell the "this girl is awesome" thing you may feel after one date and lessens any personal blow if one girl doesn't work out. This will help feed into what I will say next. Texting wise, every woman is different but I tended more toward taking charge to gauge their interest. All you can do is be direct and text her. If she wants another date, she will be enthusiastic and move heaven and earth to see you. If not, she will be v… | /r/Divorce_Men | 19/04/24 08:14 PM |
| 4 | How long did it take you to be happy againI'm at almost 2 years and feeling at 90% of where I was. I was hit hard by my wife's cheater behavior but having a professional to talk to really helped me initially and get my mind focused on goals and also recognizing my exw's behavior was a character flaw on her, not something inherit to me (although of course, we all have a part to play in the failure of a relationship. Making goals, making sure my kids were taken care of, working on a new house and the cliche "get ripped" all helped contrib… | /r/Divorce_Men | 17/04/24 12:42 PM |
| 5 | We’re all in the same hell, just different levels. We’re all fighting the same evil, just different devils.I'm with you man, it meant something to say them in front of all my friends and family. Sadly, there is no repercussion to the woman who breaks them. It even seems like she is being cheered on to destroy her family but if I were to do that same thing, I'd be castaway even more than I am now. I'm not sure how to get over this..... | /r/Divorce_Men | 16/04/24 04:41 PM |
| 10 | He was emotionally abusive and narcissisticI made a thread about this almost 9 months ago when I 1st started out in the dating scene. I would put it at 80% of the women said the classic "my ex was an abusive, narcissistic alcoholic POS but he has the kids 50% of the time and he is a good dad". Uhhhh nice try right there. There were a couple of woman that did admit to their role and in that, the ex-husband just didn't want to be a dad and checked out (and those guys had almost 0% custody and didn't care). For the 80%, I checked out after … | /r/Divorce_Men | 12/04/24 05:15 PM |
| 3 | What is "normal" amount of time dads have their kidsNo one size fits all as everyone's situation is different but I'm lucky in my situation to have 50/50 and a flexible work schedule to accommodate. On my off days, I do my chores/errands/bro time and when I'm with the kids, I'm there 100% and not dropping them off with a sitter or whatever. It's worked out reasonably well and I wouldn't trade a second of their time for anything. I have dipped my toes in the dating world and I'm very clear with prospective ladies that I can see them on the free da… | /r/Divorce_Men | 11/04/24 03:55 PM |
| 4 | Lessons from the other side....(3 year update)Right on brother. I'm almost at year 2 and while there are still some things that are painful, I can say just like you though, I can stare at that man in the mirror and smile knowing I wasn't the betrayer, I have done the right things to put my kids 1st and the hard work to repair myself. Damn man, it hurts but sometimes you have to walk through h3ll to enjoy heaven. | /r/Divorce_Men | 10/04/24 08:40 PM |
| 4 | Got a Vasectomy TodayWell worth it once you have gotten past already having kids and don't want more. Honestly, the pain wasn't bad once the anesthetic went in and boom, out in 25 minutes. Not having to worry about having more kids is fantastic! | /r/Divorce_Men | 08/04/24 01:04 PM |
| 3 | She ask me to pick the kids upThis is the right attitude man!!! No shame buddy, help and take whatever time, you only get them young once. As much as some things sting with my exw, time has helped to heal a bit and I'm willing to help her out but only when it comes to the kids. They pick up on everything and its my job to set an example for them. You're doing the right thing. | /r/Divorce_Men | 05/04/24 10:12 PM |
| 3 | How did you guys get your self confidence back?It took a lot of time as I got the literal kick to the gut when I caught my exw cheating not to mention seeing some of her text messages to AP. Talk about PTSD. It took time, 1 year to be exact but I did the work. I upped my physical activity and weight lifting, I spent time alone, took trips alone and went to therapy. I also thought about how I wanted my life to work and the things I put ahead of myself to make my exw "happy". It was all for nought. So, I made a list of the things I really want… | /r/Divorce_Men | 03/04/24 12:25 PM |
| 6 | Ex moving in with new boyfriendIt's been said by others but tend to your side of the fence and don't be distracted by what she does. Put that energy into making your daughter feel loved in your home, that is all that matters. My exw hasnt moved in with anyone or had Old Man Balls AP move in but still, she introduced him to my kids before I discovered her little affair. That dipsh!t was introduced again 6 months after our divorce, I can't do nothing about it. That being said, I for darn sure make my house a sanctuary for them … | /r/Divorce_Men | 03/04/24 12:21 PM |
| 4 | How do you cope with the anger and frustration that your spouse triggers in you?Yup, I know that stage. Once you are free of your stbxw and in your own space, things will rapidly improve and you won't be in survival mode. Good things WILL come your way man. I didn't think so last year but here I am, job is rocking, kids are great, $$$ is flowing and things looking up. Keep putting one foot in front of the other, that's what us men do. | /r/Divorce_Men | 26/03/24 07:51 PM |
| 4 | How do you cope with the anger and frustration that your spouse triggers in you?There is no easy way through hell, you just have to keep walking and it will take at least a year to start to feel better. I ramped up my physical activity but the one thing that really helped me was getting something I wanted in my marriage that my exw thought was stupid. I bought myself a little sports car and her reaction when I pulled into my kids extra curriculars made my day. My buddy pointed out that purchase was the genesis of me starting to be happy again. So #1, find your sports car wh… | /r/Divorce_Men | 26/03/24 07:12 PM |
| 5 | Replacement fatherI hear ya OP, it's a scary thought but as most others have said, it's a fleeting idea. You are always Dad and unless you don't want anything to do with them (thankfully, it doesn't sound like that with you), then all you gotta do is be there for them and just be around them. I do all sorts of cool stuff with my kids, the main thing is just being there for them 100% on your time. It's easy! I try to make them part of my hobbies for example, I love cars so my kids are always in my sports car runni… | /r/Divorce_Men | 26/03/24 01:16 PM |
| 4 | Dating again whats the normIt all depends but I try and let them do most of the talking, there should be some give and take after a few dates. Personally, I want to give some indication they have some genuine desire for me (a check in text, nice message, etc.) or else too much texting to them kills the desire for them. No one size fits all man, I will tell you it seems that age group these days are incredibly flaky. It's frustrating but don't take it personal. | /r/Divorce_Men | 25/03/24 11:48 PM |
| 3 | Sexually FrustratedDon’t fuck with single moms and be very careful with divorced women. I’m average Joe and there are tons of non married childless hot women who want the same things you do. There is some truth to this. When I look back at all my hits and misses, I actually did best with the single, never married women. Divorced mom's have been an absolute waste of energy and so many of them carry entitlement and bad attitudes in dates. It's been enough to make me give up and take another 6-12 month break. Oh well… | /r/Divorce_Men | 25/03/24 11:44 PM |
| 11 | Wedding/rantWomen don't want to get married, the just want to have a wedding day. My exw planned a crazy wedding that her parents paid for (well to do). I thought it was insane and I would have rather used the money to paid down the house. 8 years later, she decides to cheat. The level of entitlement to basically smack your parents for what they provided is off the charts. Never again and I will tell my kids to have simple weddings since there is such a high chance it will end in divorce. | /r/Divorce_Men | 25/03/24 12:05 PM |
| 3 | Another "Ah-ha" MomentI just went into the rabbit hole with this channel and this is great stuff! I learned all this late in life but ill be sure my son knows all this. | /r/Divorce_Men | 24/03/24 12:03 AM |
| 10 | Residual feelingsI'll echo the sentiment but some people you just need to let them learn life's lessons the hard way. I don't think you have kids from what it sounds like, that adds another slight dynamic I won't go into for the sake of brevity. That being said, you just need her to go down that journey by herself. She may discover you actually did so much (not likely) and kick herself but you can't let them back in after they rip your heart out no matter how much they apologize. | /r/Divorce_Men | 20/03/24 07:12 PM |
| 7 | Just Like That, 26 Years.I'm mad because I took the vow seriously (good times and bad) but it's so easy for her to just throw it all away because she's not "happy". Brother, this it literally all of them. Willing to blow up something because they aren't happy in the moment. If you were to give them what they really want, I guarantee they would find some reason to move the goalposts and still be unhappy. It will take a year or two but there will be light at the end of the tunnel. I put my energy into my new house, got a … | /r/Divorce_Men | 20/03/24 12:53 PM |
| 2 | To keep or not to keepIt all depends, what is the buyout and will you be straining financially to afford it all. There were a couple factors on why I wanted to move 1). Since my ex bought the house before marriage and also put down the down payment, my buyout would have been much higher since I wasn't allowed that portion of the equity. I would have been financially strained trying to afford that, buying her out, so on and so forth. 2). Since it was always "her" house, I wanted a fresh start not to mention some thing… | /r/Divorce_Men | 19/03/24 12:56 PM |
| 3 | I (40+m) sucked in the bedroom according to my soon to be ex wife (40+F) our marriage was 20 years. I still love her we have been many decades together. How do I stop torturing myself by imagining another man pleasing her and making love to her the way I didn't?My exw in all of 11 years NEVER suggested anything fun or wild and although she was attractive, she was 0% good at being seductive or knowing how to tease/get me going. Sure I loved her dearly but I personally felt our intimacy was lacking and was always trying to do something to improve the fun. She went on a tirade after I nuked her little affair how I was a terrible lover and it was purely out of spite. I've bagged several ladies afterwards and all of them commented my stamina was unreal and … | /r/Divorce_Men | 18/03/24 07:43 PM |
| 6 | Putting yourself out thereWell this won't be much help but I'll just reinforce the dating apps just suuuuuuck! I had the same experience as you and it was a serious numbers game to separate the wheat from the chaff. A buddy put it this way "There is a reason those women are on there"...and likewise, me as well but I was entering AFTER a 12 year relationship. Anyways, I honestly think the way to go about it these days is simply just get out and do what YOU want to do 1st and someone is bound to be doing the same thing. | /r/Divorce_Men | 15/03/24 07:23 PM |
| 2 | Gym MotivationSame here, I'm no adonis but I can push a respectable amount of iron and routinely do half day mountain bike rides for late 30's. I see some other guys in my riding group that are 50/60 in great shape and well toned and that is great motivation to see what work can do to give you so much more quality of life. It also extends my stamina in "other areas" and having the past few lady friends make comments is a major confidence booster. I feel bad for the dudes my age that are just content to let th… | /r/Divorce_Men | 15/03/24 04:56 PM |
| 13 | 30 years“You can’t make someone care about you by giving them more of what they already don’t appreciate”. Great line, it's taken me a while to get here but now I see it and this was my marriage. No matter how hard I worked, how much I earned, how much I improved the house, it was never good enough. I couldn't clean any more or fold any more clothes to make the black hole in disguise happy. Well, now she can make her cheater partner just as unhappy, I at least have the age and time to recover while that… | /r/Divorce_Men | 15/03/24 04:48 PM |
| 2 | Thought's about the reality of being Single againOh man, you are in such a great position to rebuild and you will do it with the mindset of knowing how to protect yourself in the future. Consider it the greatest life lesson you will get man! One other thing I wish I put in my post is I just see it so commonly with married friends still, they don't put themselves 1st at all, let their physical health go, devote themselves fully to pleasing someone else and just make any excuse not to push back on their wives. It's just not healthy! | /r/Divorce_Men | 14/03/24 02:28 PM |
| 1 | Thought's about the reality of being Single againYes! I lived in a darn museum before, nothing was ever good enough. Now, my place is tidy and if something is a little out of place, it's not the end of the world. It feels great! | /r/Divorce_Men | 14/03/24 12:48 PM |
| 2 | Thought's about the reality of being Single againAnd worst, you can have someone that drains the life and joy out of an e ent by their presence. This right here! I have several examples I see in my life that are proving this very point and over time, this just sucks the life out of someone. Total agree that life should be fulfilling to you 1st and then adding another should just be the cherry on top, not the whole ice cream sundae. | /r/Divorce_Men | 14/03/24 12:40 PM |
| 3 | Thought's about the reality of being Single againI can spend whatever i want on anything.I have noone telling me i cant! In fact i have not heard that in so long and i better not.I This is the part I love, I've always been very prudent with money but if I want something and it's in the budget, boom, done. Even before with double incomes, it felt like I had to be guilty for anything I wanted yet the ex was buying her expensive coffee drinks, $$$ monthly boot camp classes and so on. Even on a single income, mortgage now and so on, I'm still savi… | /r/Divorce_Men | 14/03/24 12:35 PM |
| 4 | Thought's about the reality of being Single againYou aren't alone buddy but I think if you can be happy in those moments with your kids, that is a huge step to changing the mindset. I too feel like a failure but I have come to the realization that staying in that marriage and taking back a cheater is the bigger failure, I walked away head held high. My further advice is really think about things you wanted during your marriage but couldn't have and work toward those. For me and it was very symbolic, but I'm a car guy and always wanted a fun li… | /r/Divorce_Men | 13/03/24 07:22 PM |
| 3 | Thought's about the reality of being Single againBut in marriage it didn’t feel like a compromise - it felt like a sentence Same here, it felt like doing all the hard work for no reward in the end. No matter what we did, the needle didn't move. Talk about deflating.... | /r/Divorce_Men | 13/03/24 06:41 PM |
| 7 | Thought's about the reality of being Single againThe answer to all those questions, NOWHERE to be friggen seen my man. My initial thought is not based on how much I care, but more so the influence it has which is pretty powerful! I'm with you man, let it roll off like water on a ducks back, my post was mainly looking at reframing a negative as really a huge positive like it should be! | /r/Divorce_Men | 13/03/24 04:25 PM |
| 6 | People and their virtue signaling suckConsider it a giant spotlight in your life to highlight who is truly there for you and who is not. I pared down my circle greatly and saw who really had my back when I was down on the floor and who just wanted to "watch the show". The most disappointing was a "hunting buddy" who knew me for quite a while say "well I don't want to take sides man". I since figured out his motivation was keeping me as a potential customer since he was a realtor as part of his day job. That one hurt a lot, especiall… | /r/Divorce_Men | 12/03/24 01:27 PM |
| 2 | Post Divorce ED and datingSo what’s a guy to do? Date only for fun. Find pleasure in other things. Make some friends to do activities and stop being so needy. Take up golf or mountain biking. Start a band that covers 90s rock. Date only 32 years and younger or over 42 y/o women with grown kids or no kids. This right here! I think after the 1st failed marriage, there is no point in signing up for a second time and going right back into misery land. There is a second lease on life to have some fun, so find some activities,… | /r/Divorce_Men | 11/03/24 07:07 PM |
| 1 | Post Divorce ED and datingIt's likely psychological man, I'm roughly the same age and in great shape and had some issues early on. One woman found a different way to work through it. It was only after I had a somewhat steady gf that I got over the anxiety and things went back to normal. As for ladies, good question. The single 30-35's all want to settle down quick and pop out a kid where as the older ones with kids don't but they have all sorts of issues from their divorces. It's made me reflect on this whole scene and a… | /r/Divorce_Men | 11/03/24 07:02 PM |
| 17 | Do you want to find a new partner?To be perfectly honest, I don't think the juice is worth the squeeze anymore. I don't want kids so no to marriage, and even just an LTR is a huge amount of energy. I wish I could find that someone to be in my corner and make things great but the dating scene sucks and it seems like women have this long list of things a man must provide without providing an equal output. I don't want to come off as the bitter dude, I'm not but I'm just not seeing the benefit. | /r/Divorce_Men | 11/03/24 04:17 PM |
| 6 | I'm not sure what to do right nowTake the bull by the horns and file 1st. What happens next is you figure out custody if you have kids and then you divide assets considered from the start of the marriage. 401k included. Its just divide by 2. If you can get out for only 20k, consider yourself extremely lucky. | /r/Divorce_Men | 09/03/24 11:53 PM |
| 9 | Nice Guys Who Get Trapped “Raising” an Immature Princess Wife are Always Disposable at the End. NOT YOUR FAULT!!! REPEAT!!!Holy crap man, like a previous poster said, its like I could have written this. In the end, we got served a learning lesson early enough to recover and princess found another simp victim. I've learned this is what makes good men stronger, our version of getting tempered and work hardened to make stronger steel. Go kick some @ss today OP! | /r/Divorce_Men | 02/03/24 12:08 PM |
| 4 | Hitting the grateful stage of divorceYou're kicking arse and taking names OP and starting to hit this stage 1 year after the official divorce. It's amazing how much crap was thrown at me for all that "I didn't do" and now in my own house and on my own and tending to kids 50/50 guess what? My house is spotless, my kids diet is solid (I'm with you on home cooking and no crap in their diets), crushing the workouts and career is solid. It sucks not being appreciated for all you try to do but when you eject someone who isn't deserving o… | /r/Divorce_Men | 28/02/24 04:53 PM |
| 7 | What I love about being divorcedThis was one that always bothered me, I worked alot early on in my career and it felt like if I just wanted to relax for a minute at night, it was a mortal sin. Heck, if I wasn't busy all day on the weekends doing whatever house task, I was lazy (even though I took care of all the outdoor work, mechanical stuff, etc.). Guess what, even after 50/50 kid stuff and taking care of my own house and big back yard, my place is STILL immaculate and I have way more free time for myself. Funny how it all w… | /r/Divorce_Men | 28/02/24 01:46 PM |
| 5 | What about my one year old sonHey OP, you are not alone in these thoughts man, we all go through this at the beginning. I'm here to tell you it's not as bad as you think. 1st thing though, you HAVE to get 50/50 custody which it sounds like you will. You will quickly find that your off days allow you to recharge and do things for YOU and when you have your kid, you will be 100% there. It will take a little work but your son is at an age where he won't know any better and this is just how growing up is. If you can have a frien… | /r/Divorce_Men | 28/02/24 01:38 PM |
| 9 | Karma Finally got herits the 90-10 rule women cheat with men that are giving them the 10% that their husband isnt (usually a wild side, or something that isnt related to a stable relationship).. Yep this, my exw just cheated with a twice divorced serial cheater only because he was slopping on the attention and constant messages to her, something I wasn't doing because I was grinding at my job, attending to two young kids, keeping a house together and all the other "fun" stuff in life. Total downgrade in every way bu… | /r/Divorce_Men | 27/02/24 02:48 PM |
| 13 | Tom Brady was cheated on tooThis right here. This guy is the epitome of a winner and all around dude who I wouldn't mind being. If even HE has a woman step out, it's like what can you really do besides not play the game? Reminds me of the joke about a man who goes to the department store and on the 1st floor, he can have a woman who cooks good, loves to bang and has big boobs. He didn't go to the 2nd floor. The women in this scenario kept on going up floors for a better man until she got to the roof, at which point she get… | /r/Divorce_Men | 26/02/24 08:29 PM |
| 1 | The Abundance Mindset - Dating after DivorceRealistic expectations is the key here. Accept that most women in your dating pool have issues and include deal-breakers. Sounds like you are in a good place and cut bait quick. Yep, this is the biggie here and I think I got my head on straight on what I want and expect and not outside the bounds of reasonableness. I'll also say I am trying to do right by good people, I had a couple dates this past week and the girl was nice but not hitting the right buttons after a couple dates, so I called her… | /r/Divorce_Men | 26/02/24 07:58 PM |
| 3 | The Abundance Mindset - Dating after DivorceI'm mostly leaning this way u/47omek, half the time I don't have my kids is my play time, time for home improvement and just general time to unwind. It has been nice filling the time with what I want to do, someone REALLY has to raise the bar for me to sacrifice some of that. | /r/Divorce_Men | 26/02/24 02:00 PM |
| 1 | The Abundance Mindset - Dating after DivorceDodged a bullet my friend, sometimes things just work themselves out. I just had a woman tell me she was recently separated from a 10 year relationship and I started to get these vibes like she wanted help with her moving situation. WTF! RED FLAG, EJECT! | /r/Divorce_Men | 26/02/24 01:58 PM |
| 1 | The Abundance Mindset - Dating after DivorceHad you tried OLD before you got married? I did briefly but only had time for one short term thing before I had to move for some life event change. It's really different now, easier but people seem to have much more short attention spans on OLD now and if you don't say the right thing right away, boom, unmatch. WTF? | /r/Divorce_Men | 26/02/24 01:57 PM |
| 1 | The Abundance Mindset - Dating after DivorceConfidence breeds success and neediness pushes it away. Agreed on that. I had that change for me as soon as I had a few ladies set up on planned dates, whereas before I was striking out, it was all of a sudden becoming 3 for 3, my laisse faire attitude changed everything and I started getting pursued more. | /r/Divorce_Men | 26/02/24 01:56 PM |
| 1 | The Abundance Mindset - Dating after DivorceHey u/lifeisallihave, yea I know I sort of painted a broad brush with that. It's an inside joke with a buddy of mine, the kind of dude that doesn't work and spends all his money on chew and tattoos and yet somehow pulls all these hot career ladies. It's not meant to apply to ANY dude with a tattoo but yea, I hear where you are coming from. | /r/Divorce_Men | 24/02/24 07:58 PM |
| 3 | The Abundance Mindset - Dating after Divorceu/CashTall8657, maybe the point of my post isn't clear. It's not about being chased or setting up a weird power dynamic. From my point of view, I approached dating unhealthily some months ago, I got sucked into it even though I did take a LONG time to heal by myself and was diving into the shallow end head first and setting myself up for disappointment. It was just also weird to match up with people and then even if they match with you, you say hello, something funny and then ghost on their end.… | /r/Divorce_Men | 24/02/24 07:56 PM |
| 1 | The Abundance Mindset - Dating after DivorceHave to have confidence and not be emotionally broken to pull this off. So need to heal first. I am still healing personally lol. It's best to take the necessary time to be comfortable alone. A good of mine didn't do that after his divorce, got into another LTR right away and this lady just dumped him by text and he is a wreck. He is finally is taking my advice and doing the work but dang, he is hurting bad lately. | /r/Divorce_Men | 24/02/24 05:53 PM |
| 4 | My wife has no idea how bad she is fucking upMy old receptionist was in her 50s, had two kids, and was well over 300 lbs. She still told me how she was cheating on her 3rd husband Talk about buying a 1992 Land Rover without a warranty and 14 previous owners. Good lord! | /r/Divorce_Men | 24/02/24 04:12 PM |
| 2 | She was having an affairly one path to salvation here brother - seize control of the situation like a Boss. I sense that you are not sure of yourself and whether you want to shyt-can the marriage. Get your mind right and file and be the one who moves things forward. Handle all logistics with your lawyer. You mean effing business my friend. This is the way. No more couples therapy. No long, deep conversati This is a great post!!! OP, this is gold right here, unless you have a wife that is willing to beg and walk through… | /r/Divorce_Men | 23/02/24 05:50 PM |
| 1 | Wife confessed to affairyou're a man. what court or judge would ever favor you over the woman, especially when you are the one instigating the divorce. she cheated in their eyes because she was feeling either abused / neglected. so now she is "empowered". she was within her rights to cheat on you, in their eyes. Just a counterpoint and it depends on location but my experience was a fair shake. There was simply a formula for splitting assets and once custody was 50/50, the rest was just combing through what we had and c… | /r/Divorce_Men | 21/02/24 08:11 PM |
| 2 | I'm glad I took the high road.No self respect and selfish mindsets. It's so important to take a hard look at the mother of the women you're dating. It usually will give you some insight of what you can expect later on. I wish I would have paid more attention to this. A selfish woman who is never happy with anything despite having a husband that kills himself to provide a great life. Yup, the exw was cut from the same cloth. | /r/Divorce_Men | 20/02/24 03:37 PM |
| 6 | How do you move onJust echoing what others have said but women are different mensch. Once they taste the poison apple, they lose everything for you no matter what. Eject her and move on to new things. There are lots of women out there that will make you the center of their universe, better to have that vs. someone who wno't respect you if you take them back. | /r/Divorce_Men | 20/02/24 03:32 PM |
| 2 | Is it okay to talk to another woman during 12 month separation & couples therapy?My 2 cents man and the advice I got from my therapist (yep used one of those and she got my head on straight). Give yourself 4 seasons alone to get settled into a new life and rhythm. It will help you process emotions (yep, we got them too), help prevent you from jumping into a new mistake and will give you a chance to focus on things you want to do. If you got kids, it's even more pertinent to help set up a good environment of stability for them. I waited and I'm very happy I did. I got some da… | /r/Divorce_Men | 20/02/24 02:03 PM |
| 3 | My friend introduced his kids to new GF after 2 weeksWell man, all hard comments aside, youre a good friend trying to help. All you can try and do is give some advice and sit back. Keep on keeping dude! | /r/Divorce_Men | 20/02/24 01:31 AM |
| 5 | My friend introduced his kids to new GF after 2 weeksEinstein said two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity are infinite but I'm not so sure about the 1st one. Man, your buddy needs to pump the brakes hard, focus on divorcing, getting stuff in line for his kids. Another woman will only add way more drama. I waited one year after divorcing before even entertaining dating and Im so glad I did. Its only gonna confuse the kids to introduce someone after two weeks. | /r/Divorce_Men | 20/02/24 01:25 AM |
| 1 | He’s at my goddamn house right nowI’ll never understand the thought process of a “man” willing to go to another man’s house and F@k the wife in there, even worse if the kids are present in the house. That’s how you loose your life, plenty of single woman out here looking for everything, from a one single night stand to a “serious relationship” Lots of weakling cowards out there. My exw brought Old Man balls Ap into our house when I was on a work trip with my kids present. A year after everything was all said and done with the di… | /r/Divorce_Men | 19/02/24 02:10 PM |
| 19 | The light switch affect..Yup, I didn't pick up on it right away but the exw all of a sudden changed and wouldn't look at me anymore, started acting funny, on her phone alot. I confronted her and she pulled the "we are like roommates bit". Well, of course that happens when she is having an affair with a coworker. I pulled the plug and the rest is history. But she turned into an evil alien seemingly overnight. What a waste of 12 years. | /r/Divorce_Men | 18/02/24 02:02 PM |
| 1 | AdviceAlways think long term. That 32k compounding over time is worth way more. Give her the cash seal the deal asap. | /r/Divorce_Men | 17/02/24 07:44 PM |
| 4 | Why isn’t this more well known?Amen, I have friends that saw what myself and another buddy went through and they still refuse to believe this can happen to them. I try to give advice to them to be the best men they can be, put themselves 1st, get in shape, take charge and the heads go into the sand. You can lead a horse to water...... | /r/Divorce_Men | 17/02/24 06:36 PM |
| 3 | Got cheated on, feel like a simp.Hahahahah great post man! Totally agree on the new cheeks, I took some time for myself but when I was ready, dating in your 40's has some new fun to it. The world sure does feel better when someone new is on top. | /r/Divorce_Men | 16/02/24 02:33 PM |
| 13 | Got cheated on, feel like a simp.the simp is the guy who left his family to move in with a monkey brancher. you have 50/50 custody and two kids. you don’t have to go through this again and can spend the rest of your life raising your kids to be better than that and doing what you want to do. This right here! Would you buy a car knowing it's service history and knowing that it stranded it's previous owner and left him with a huge repair bill? Nope! That dude is the true simp, thinking he is special and probably working overtime … | /r/Divorce_Men | 16/02/24 01:41 PM |
| 1 | Cautionary tale, watch each others backs!I always say it's better to have a couple quarters than a whole bunch of pennies. I keep the guys who are good people close and have pushed out alot of people who couldn't lend a helping hand when I needed. It's been a strategy that has worked well. | /r/Divorce_Men | 16/02/24 01:37 PM |
| 2 | Cautionary tale, watch each others backs!I definitely know it's a numbers game and now any profile that has those focused pics or no body pic, boom next. I don't know what some people are thinking, you are eventually going to meet so why not show your true self? | /r/Divorce_Men | 16/02/24 01:35 PM |
| 1 | Cautionary tale, watch each others backs!With that said nothing good has ever come of showing a women weakness. A good one would show kindness but let’s face it none of them like or ever want to see weakness from their man. If you need to cry or something call your mom or a therapist, really anyone but your girl. I wholeheartedly believe this, heck even complaining a little about something seems to throw them off but they have no problem being miserable everyday and venting like it's a job. | /r/Divorce_Men | 16/02/24 01:34 PM |
| 2 | Single Divorced Men, how are you dealing with the void on Valentine's day?Hey u/SmartRepair688, I'll PM you in a bit, but I got the TRD O/R with the auto trans. Black leather and blue exterior. It's going to be a ton of fun to go two tracking with it! | /r/Divorce_Men | 15/02/24 06:01 PM |
| 2 | Single Divorced Men, how are you dealing with the void on Valentine's day?TRD O/R 4x4, went for the AT and checked all the options. I originally wanted the Bronze Oxide but sprung for the dark blue. It's a Yota so it will outlast Cher and the cockroaches! Yea man, you got to spring for something nice for yourself so long as it doesn't throw you into the rat race. These things also hold their value like no other, you would be far worse off buying any luxury car and watching the depreciation just kill you. | /r/Divorce_Men | 15/02/24 01:20 PM |
| 5 | Single Divorced Men, how are you dealing with the void on Valentine's day?My Tacoma will be here in May, I'll write you a review :) | /r/Divorce_Men | 15/02/24 03:12 AM |
| 6 | Pros and cons of life after divorce?As a dude in my late 30's with kids, it was a pretty big adjustment as I decided to take the buyout from the home's equity and start fresh. Once established into a routine with two young children, I can reflect that it's not the end of the world and there are some days I do enjoy the solitude and time for myself. It's tougher obviously having to parent two kids alone on my time but I can say my time with my kids is closer and higher quality. They have been a focus point and I would advise you ma… | /r/Divorce_Men | 14/02/24 05:39 PM |
| 2 | Cautionary tale, watch each others backs!I'm so glad I have a handful of men I can count on. Heads up kings. It's not always easy. Good times create soft men, hard times create strong men. It's burned into my brain! | /r/Divorce_Men | 14/02/24 04:14 PM |
| 1 | Cautionary tale, watch each others backs!11 years?!? that is scary someone can hide their shitty behavior for that long. Damn the most I can go is like 6 months. And all my guy friends say the mask comes off for both men and women between months 6 and 12. sorry to hear that. This is the thing I find crazy enough, I have dated enough girls to see that shift at 6-12 months. My exw seemed to break the mold and honestly things were really quite good. Just something at year 11 changed and she became an alien. Maybe I just wasn't looking har… | /r/Divorce_Men | 14/02/24 02:36 PM |
| 2 | ValentinesMy STBXW wasn’t too bad but we all know “that Mom” who goes insane over every damn detail and spends way too much time and money on every holiday when the kids just need a simple reminder they are loved. I spent literally $5 altogether and the kids were delighted. I see you were married to my exw too! She spends thousands on throwing the kids birthday parties, I take them to Chuck E Cheese or something and have a blast! | /r/Divorce_Men | 13/02/24 02:08 PM |
| 2 | Cautionary tale, watch each others backs!Awesome that you are there for him, says a lot about your character. Good friends are hard to come by. Wishing your friend all the best in these hard times. Makes me sick when these things happen to good people. Thank you, I appreciate hearing that. I may have a few friends but those that I have I'm all in for and have their back. Loyalty is rare in this world. | /r/Divorce_Men | 13/02/24 02:04 PM |
| 3 | Cautionary tale, watch each others backs!I would say 2 years is about the point you can be comfortable with someone else and know them kinda well to maybe think to yourself divorce was the best thing ever I agree with that, the crazy thing is I dated my exw for 3 years before proposing and her mask didn't fall until year 11. That is the part that I find terrifying! The long term kick to the junk! | /r/Divorce_Men | 13/02/24 02:03 PM |
| 2 | Cautionary tale, watch each others backs!Relationship was great for the first 6 months . We lasted about 1 year. She turned out to be a serial cheater. We broke up. There is a lot of crap out there. Best thing is to watch for red flags and walk once you start noticing them. Yep, everyone is on their best behavior the 1st few months. I think the main thing is learning the power you have and one of the greatest is being able to walk away! I know in my 20's, I was much weaker than I am now, it's a great thing to be able to know you can do… | /r/Divorce_Men | 13/02/24 01:59 PM |
| 3 | Wife and lover not working outDon't do it OP, it would be short lived before getting another dose of pain. Cheaters gonna cheat! | /r/Divorce_Men | 12/02/24 08:46 PM |
| 6 | Wife having an affairThis is such a cliche...... Well, hope she has fun pushing around a retiree eventually lol! | /r/Divorce_Men | 12/02/24 07:26 PM |
| 4 | Wife having an affairDude, having been in your shoes and wanting to rent an airplane with a banner to out that POS, all I can say any revenge fantasies are a waste of your energy. The dude is such a POS he will just look at it as him winning if you direct any energy his way. Let him take the lead weight that is a cheating woman off your hands. Direct your energy into improving yourself, direct that energy into weight lifting, trust me it works. Direct your energy into investing, plant the seeds of financial independ… | /r/Divorce_Men | 12/02/24 05:54 PM |
| 5 | It’s been a month here is an updateYou're doing as good as anyone can OP, my kudos to you! Keep that level head and just be present for your kids, it will pay dividends later on. Let her have good ol AP, he can take care of her now! | /r/Divorce_Men | 12/02/24 02:55 AM |
| 17 | Why do some of y’all go for a second round after the first show?I don't get it man, it's like touching the hot pot and then touching it again a little later thinking it won't hurt you. I always saw marriage as a construct for raising kids in and each having security. As I am never going to have more kids, I do not see any advantage in getting re-married at this point. I enjoyed being a husband and father but now that I have tasted the freedom again, why bother getting tied down. I look at friends/coworkers that have to say "oh let me check with the wife if I… | /r/Divorce_Men | 11/02/24 02:46 PM |
| 1 | Did you see red flags in your inlaws, specifically your ex-MIL?old man balls sticked around because he has no other options. He is a pathetic bum who went after a married woman with multiple kids.Your ex wife doesn't have to many options either. For long term relationships most guys are avoiding single mothers. At least that's what I noticed. Cheating is a deal breaker for most dudes. I guarantee you as soon as a guy learns about her past cheatings then it's game over. As long as she is young and attractive then she will be able to match with dudes but most… | /r/Divorce_Men | 11/02/24 02:14 PM |
| 12 | Having a very hard timeOp, there is definitely a new dude, it's not you. This is standard issue cheater crap. Get legal protection going, she is done. If you keep trying to pursue, she is just going to dislike you even more. Its just how they are wired. Get the best deal while she wants out or else she will fight you on every penny. Trust us man, this isn't unique! | /r/Divorce_Men | 11/02/24 12:44 PM |
| 2 | Did you see red flags in your inlaws, specifically your ex-MIL?There is a Hungarian saying: "Nézd meg az anyját, vedd el a lányát" The rough translation: Inspect the mother, marry her daughter. It means if you wanna get married to a woman then take a look at her mother. Inspect her behaviour, the way he treats other people etc. Most of the time the daughter inherits these things from her mother. So if the mother in law is not a decent person then there is a high chance that her daughter is the same and vice versa. Greetings u/Tibcso! I studied abroad some y… | /r/Divorce_Men | 11/02/24 12:06 AM |
| 1 | Who normally reaches out to negotiate the QDRO conditions?It should be named in your settlement agreement the name of the company that will handle it. From there, the date of separation is named and the general amount the other party is entitled "plus or minus gains" since it takes MONTHS for this stuff to work through. Where you can save some $$ is filling out the paperwork yourself, it's fairly straightforward. No need to give your laywer more money. | /r/Divorce_Men | 08/02/24 08:33 PM |
| 1 | How do I move on?The 'ol Gaslight Express pulling into the station. I got that too! | /r/Divorce_Men | 08/02/24 04:33 PM |
| 2 | How do I move on?Yep she's started the "I don't feel safe around you" stuff already. She's going around telling anyone who will listen that she was "unhappy for years" in our marriage but I'm not telling anyone she had an affair with a married man with 2 kids Got a similar line of "you make me feel uncomfortable" out of the blue, wtf, where is this coming from? All part of the handbook and something they start plotting months before as they want to emerge unscathed and start campaign to blame it all on you. | /r/Divorce_Men | 08/02/24 04:07 PM |
| 2 | Happily divorced, now what? Is money all that matters?My exwife is dating a scumbag too. Some bum from her high school who she once described as a psychopath. So many of the stories on these divorce forums are eerily the same. Yep, honestly seeing the pattern implanted in my logical brain that there as zero point in saving my marriage. Eject, get out clean and move on. I take some additional solace knowing long term, men on average seem to do much better after a divorce. Always gotta play the long game man! | /r/Divorce_Men | 08/02/24 03:53 PM |
| 2 | How do I move on?I was with her for 17yrs. MIL told me I’m a son, brothers in law, told me I’m a brother. They all dropped me off the radar once she started lying. Now she’s on a vendetta with the school mums. They started ignoring me mid last yr. I knew it instantly, she admitted to “sharing her thoughts with her support group”. Seems like it’s never enough, you fucked my life already, you win, please stop. Dude same exact same story. What a joke marriage is these days. It's also hard accepting the loss of inla… | /r/Divorce_Men | 08/02/24 03:43 PM |
| 1 | Happily divorced, now what? Is money all that matters?So many of us are here because we had a wife who just got bored and left to chase excitement. It's an atrocity how the divorce court and society now encourage the destruction of families for this frivolous reason. The irony for me here is before meeting the exw, I was the social butterfly, world traveler party animal and she is the weekend homebody. It did cause some initial tension but I ended up settling into it (unfortunately). Well, in the end she gets bored because I was just so "boring" be… | /r/Divorce_Men | 07/02/24 07:37 PM |
| 1 | Happily divorced, now what? Is money all that matters?It’s very nice to wake up on Friday morning and not be met with, “don’t forget we have x tonight, and y, z tomorrow to do” and thinking “fuck…..” I second this. God I look back and my weekends were some endless mishmash of "let's look busy so we look awesome for Facebook". We had some work done on our house to have a private backyard and entertainment area in the basement and the exw NEVER wanted to use either. FFS, it's OK to relax on a Saturday evening and light a fire and have a drink. Now on… | /r/Divorce_Men | 07/02/24 07:34 PM |
| 2 | Happily divorced, now what? Is money all that matters?To be fair, at the time of the wedding, I did not really understand the legal implications of this scam (marriage). What an expensive lesson. I really wish I had better guidance in this area, it's just "The Life Plan" and we all dive into it thinking that's what you do. I had such little good guidance from my family, they were just desperate that I "settled down" and didn't even bother to question any red flags in the exes family. Well, at least I can give my son fair warning. | /r/Divorce_Men | 07/02/24 07:30 PM |
| 7 | Happily divorced, now what? Is money all that matters?Hey man, somewhat of a similar situation here, I had a really nice life set up for my family to leave the corporate grind and spend more time with my kids and guess what, the exw just "was so unhappy" and blew that up. Well, 1.5 years later, I have been working hard to recover and thankfully due to some good investing choices and cosmic karma, I recovered quite a bit. I still have a house to pay off but have a plan to knock that out. One that I did was reframe my relationship with work, my curre… | /r/Divorce_Men | 06/02/24 09:19 PM |
| 6 | The worst part of this divorceIt's standard operating procedure, a feature, not a bug. The amount of BS my cheating exw said after DDay to justify what she did was astounding. "You didn't do grocery shopping enough, I did everything, you worked too much, etc". A few months prior, she was gushing in birthday cards how she was never happier. Then, they play the "woe is me" card to anyone and everyone and how she is such a victim. The worst part is learning how gullible some are, also some true colors in "friends" of mine that … | /r/Divorce_Men | 06/02/24 01:48 PM |
| 2 | Do woman give back rings after filing for divorce?Depending on the state, it can be termed a gift and they get to keep it. That really chapped my arse. In the end though, that 10k ring would probably get $600 when hocked so not worth fighting over. Last ring I ever buy..... | /r/Divorce_Men | 05/02/24 02:17 PM |
| 1 | Did you see red flags in your inlaws, specifically your ex-MIL?100%, Ex-MIL is a thrice-married serial cheater I don't get how people knowingly go into marriages with someone divorced that many times. One, sure, it happens to many of us, two, ok, maybe we need to work a little more on ourselves and who we choose. After that, it just seems like "hey, maybe let's try a different approach to this marriage thing eh?" | /r/Divorce_Men | 05/02/24 01:51 PM |
| 1 | Did you see red flags in your inlaws, specifically your ex-MIL?I got full custody and child support. AP got fired. My ex now lives with him in a trailer in a meth lab town and she never sees her kids. Dang, talk about the karma train coming into town! | /r/Divorce_Men | 05/02/24 01:50 PM |
| 2 | Did you see red flags in your inlaws, specifically your ex-MIL?Only after the divorce did I realize who they really were. Oh dang man! I think it's almost worse than seeing the nuttiness, you get the feeling you don't know what was real and what was not when things appear good. | /r/Divorce_Men | 05/02/24 01:49 PM |
| 1 | Did you see red flags in your inlaws, specifically your ex-MIL?I will never date another women with parent problems. Especially daddy issues. If she throws away relationships with her dad she could throw away all the men in her life without a second thought. Yup this is a big one, I've dated a few girls in the past that definitely you could see an impact a bad/absent father had on them. What's strange with my exw is that her dad seemed to be a good dude. Still can't put my finger on what is the cause of all this bs. Princess syndrome maybe? | /r/Divorce_Men | 05/02/24 01:48 PM |
| 2 | Did you see red flags in your inlaws, specifically your ex-MIL?Ex-FIL is a beta male and let her rule the roost, the STBXW expected that dynamic and hated that I didn’t bow to it. How dare you take the lead and not bow down!!! | /r/Divorce_Men | 05/02/24 01:35 PM |
| 2 | Did you see red flags in your inlaws, specifically your ex-MIL?Then I married her. This turned into daily calls to her mother and unloading every stress of the day on mother. If wife and I had a disagreements she would call mother. MIL would never just tell her to figure it out. Now my ex is in her 40s and lives right next to her parents so that they can be right there to help or fix everything for her. I had a similar problem to this, exw was always calling the ex-MIL to tell her about some problem. Also, my former FIL would come over to help out with anyt… | /r/Divorce_Men | 05/02/24 01:34 PM |
| 3 | Did you see red flags in your inlaws, specifically your ex-MIL?How many Communists does it take to change a lightbulb? None. The Communist lightbulb contains the seeds of its own revolution drum ta da-bink I'm here all night folks! In all seriousness, you win the red flag contest here man! | /r/Divorce_Men | 05/02/24 03:07 AM |
| 3 | Men that have gotten out of divorce and are successful, please share some guidanceBrother, you got the wind knocked out of your sails, there are few things as traumatic as being betrayed by the person you vowed your life too. Give yourself some grace and be thankful you aren't a cheater. If you haven't, read the Chumplady book "Leave a Cheater, Gain a life ". That helped me a lot!! Time will also reveal your purpose and give you some karmic justice as well. I have to see my exw every week for kid stuff and well, she is looking worse every weekend. You will get your justice ma… | /r/Divorce_Men | 05/02/24 01:47 AM |
| 2 | Men that have gotten out of divorce and are successful, please share some guidanceWell without giving away too much, I got away from traditional power generation and into an alternative energy development within automotive, it was a big change but well worth it and very strategic for my future. As for how much I lost, I had to pay my ex a fair bit from my retirement to balance out the assets, less than 6 figures but it hurt nonetheless. I also lost alot since she bought our maritial house prior to getting married so i missed out on a ton of equity that appreciated. Live and l… | /r/Divorce_Men | 05/02/24 12:39 AM |
| 4 | Men that have gotten out of divorce and are successful, please share some guidanceYea man, Im into my 2nd year but here is what I put down last year. Doing ok so far :) Year 1 Move into my new place, get it set up and get a good routine with my kids. Dive into a new career role and make a name. Recover what I lost financially from the divorce. Build 15lbs of muscle and get to 11% bodyfat and significantly better shape Year 2 Get a promotion Identify some good investment opportunities and try and significantly expand my net worth Learn a martial art and get into it long term G… | /r/Divorce_Men | 05/02/24 12:16 AM |
| 4 | Men that have gotten out of divorce and are successful, please share some guidanceI think what you are feeling is normal and so many of us have gone through some depression of some sorts. I can only say in my case I said to myself and I was going to make this walk through hell my greatest success and I made a game plan of my 1, 2 and 5 year goals. Making a good game plan and pushing yourself out of your comfort zone is what you need to try to do everyday. If you can, try at least 3 days a week of weight lifting or something per week and get outdoors if you can! | /r/Divorce_Men | 05/02/24 12:06 AM |
| 3 | Did you see red flags in your inlaws, specifically your ex-MIL?I have this similar feeling with my ex in laws. They talked alot about themselves and I felt like talking to a wall sometimes. I almost felt like they didnt hear anything I said. Go figure...... | /r/Divorce_Men | 04/02/24 11:42 PM |
| 2 | Did you see red flags in your inlaws, specifically your ex-MIL?Before dipping your toe into the pool be protected if you have assets. I am yet to do it. I actually would feel better if I was a 3rd person in a relationship Dude, this is a huge thing on my mind, especially with kids and a house of my own and significant assets. I am looking to meet with a lawyer soon to set up a trust. I hate having this thought process, but I really am worried about someone trying to sink their claws into me. I had some gut feeling the last short term gf I had a little while… | /r/Divorce_Men | 04/02/24 09:15 PM |
| 3 | Did you see red flags in your inlaws, specifically your ex-MIL?She did say ‘it’s hard for me to say this as she’s my daughter and I love her, but she has been awful and you need to find a better woman’ when we had dinner about a year after my ex filed the papers. That said…she did leave her first husband to chase D, and often left my ex alone at home when growing up saying ‘I needed to have to fun too’ so while she disapproved of my ex doing that, it was something she had done herself. Maybe it’s genetic Well compared to many horror stories, sounds like you… | /r/Divorce_Men | 04/02/24 09:14 PM |
| 12 | Monkey Branching in actionThe nickname I give to my cheating wifes AP. If you have seen the movie Big Daddy, it will make more sense. | /r/Divorce_Men | 03/02/24 05:42 PM |
| 11 | Monkey Branching in actionThere were some instances during my divorce where it seemed like my exw was trying to fish for something to see if I wanted her back. However, cheating is a deal breaker and I was just done, no way Id want someone else's leftovers. I think once she realized Old Man Balls AP was actually wanting to stay long term, she doubled down on that. Its pretty sad and pathetic but he took out the trash to be honest. | /r/Divorce_Men | 03/02/24 05:33 PM |
| 5 | How to deal with the dream of a happy family dying?Bury that dream and realize you now have the power to make another one. Life isnt fair, roll with the punches and make your own destiny. | /r/Divorce_Men | 03/02/24 01:57 PM |
| 7 | Is there an advantage to filling first?I second this comment. Legally, I was told there isn't much advantage but honestly, it was nice to set the pace and tone and it also blindsided my cheater exw to show I meant business. it also shows legally you are the plaintiff and not the defendant, I thought that was important in my case. | /r/Divorce_Men | 01/02/24 02:15 PM |
| 7 | How did her family/your in laws/friend circles behave before, during and after your divorceI exposed my exw's cheating right after Dday to her family. I know they are in a tough spot, they are cordial and I know they are ashamed of her behavior and Old Man Balls AP but they also have to cut me in order to keep their grandkids in their lives. I was close to my BIL but he hasn't said a peep since the divorce went down, likely due to his See You Next Tuesday Wife telling me to stay away (she is a witch but that's another story). I think this is the thing I have struggled with the most si… | /r/Divorce_Men | 31/01/24 02:42 PM |
| 3 | 6 years later - it gets betterGlad to hear things are on the up and up, I got 4.5 more years to go to get your point! Get 'er done! | /r/Divorce_Men | 30/01/24 08:22 PM |
| 2 | How did you stay so calm!Hey OP, want to mention one more thing apart from my other post. There is a real danger in the "mistep and lose your kids/future". Case in point - A coworker of my exw went through a crazy ordeal with his crazy wife. Well long story short, he got recorded saying something along the lines of "I will hurt you" and well, she sent that to her lawyer. This guy now has to forfeit nearly all of his assets and lost the house. She REALLY set him up. Now, I would say he is a nice guy however, I lost any s… | /r/Divorce_Men | 28/01/24 11:04 PM |
| 1 | Hard time getting good sleepExercise and getting my mind focused on a punch list really helped me out. Also don't laugh, but a diffuser and essential oils has been game changing for helping me get to sleep. I used to laugh at folks trying to hock that stuff on social media but I'm a convert. I sleep like a baby now! | /r/Divorce_Men | 28/01/24 11:00 PM |
| 10 | Men who took the first actionI filed 1st as well due to discovering the exw cheating. What made me really kick it into high gear was finding out AP was already divorced twice and likely knew tricks of the trade to feed to her. I ended up retaining a lawyer while we were "going to counseling" all the while I knew this was her smoke screen to look like we attempted to save our marriage. The surprise drop of papers and informing her family really stunned her and honestly she didn't try to play any games during the process. Eve… | /r/Divorce_Men | 28/01/24 10:57 PM |
| 5 | How did you stay so calm!Your last sentence says all about your character man. Youre a good dude, respect. Give it time and those feelings of wanting to be vindicative and petty will fade, you will feel sorry for your ex wife in time. Just concentrate on being a good dad and when your kids tell you how much they love you, that will fill your heart. Just as an example, my kids were with mom this weekend but my son called me today to tell me how much he missed and loved me and cant wait to see me Monday. Makes it all wort… | /r/Divorce_Men | 28/01/24 03:38 AM |
| 14 | How did you stay so calm!I had to imagine a scenario where an outburst cost me my children. So I supressed all emotion and made it my goal to achieve 50/50 and a future for myself. Its so easy for them to file a PPO, so I put aside my ego until the day I got my settlement agreement aside. Keep your eyes on the prize! | /r/Divorce_Men | 28/01/24 03:32 AM |
| 5 | Infuratiated by Instagram PostIts a story on copy/paste. I got the same too, years of "you're the most amazing husband ever" and then "you just don't read me and a good partner should be able to read my mind". What a joke.... | /r/Divorce_Men | 27/01/24 12:13 AM |
| 2 | DependentsAhh I see what you mean now. Not a tax expert by any means so feel free to dig a little more. If you both claimed two, you'd be double dipping so to speak. Is your situation 50/50? If so, think of it as you have 2 kids x 50% = equivalent to one kid staying with you the whole year. Not sure how it would work in other not 50/50 situations..... | /r/Divorce_Men | 26/01/24 07:18 PM |
| 5 | DependentsIf the court ruled/settlement agreement states she can claim both, then you can't claim them. In my agreement, each of us can claim one until they are 18 and then at that time, we each claim the remaining child on alternate years. You may be SOL on this one man. | /r/Divorce_Men | 26/01/24 07:14 PM |
| 21 | What are some signs you saw in the beginning but ignored that later contributed to the reason to your divorceOne thing I wish I did was probe into past relationships a bit more. I got the "my past fiance was abusive". Turns out he was a decent guy but the exw cheated on him. 13 years later, guess who gets cheated on. I can guarantee she is telling Old Man Balls AP I was either abusive or emotionally unavailable. Past behavior is a good predictor of future behavior. It's just crazy since her parents are decent people and at least for the previous years, we had a good relationship..... | /r/Divorce_Men | 24/01/24 08:19 PM |
| 4 | Dating post divorceAnother problem is that if she knows ur financially doing well, she might try to get pregnant bcs the law is terrible and u will end up paying for it. Just too many risks. I gave up and deleted everything. This is a HUGE one to worry about, especially for those 30-36 year old, no kids, never married. It's just the reality of the situation and some of them out there can smell blood in the water. Nothing like a recently divorced dude with a broken heart to try and snatch up. | /r/Divorce_Men | 24/01/24 01:30 PM |
| 2 | Dating post divorceShould you be dating for loneliness or boredom, or the need to have fun, it will cost you a lot. Yep, I can confirm this. Sure, I wanted to get back out there for some fun and boost my ego but dang, going on all those dates sure did cost $$$. I would have been better off investing it.... | /r/Divorce_Men | 24/01/24 01:28 PM |
| 7 | How to handle Affair PartnerNo point in going to jail for a dude that is the living embodiment of a walking turd. I got a little revenge when I pulled up to an event in my brand new sports car where the ex brought AP tol. AP is getting smothered by his CS payments and drives a crappy POS. I just got out, looked at him and my ex and laughed. Every day I look at my growing investment pile and nice house, that is revenge. It will be even better when I get my pilots license and fly over his house. | /r/Divorce_Men | 24/01/24 03:13 AM |
| 13 | AP's birthday is the day after mine.Hey OP, little bit of a reality moment here. I'm 1.5 years from the end of all my bs, I'll give you some advice. 1). Things are gonna suck for a while, the cheaters get to walk out all happy because they have been preparing for months or years and you get surprised one day. Just realize they are only ahead because they are terrible people that can lie to you with a straight face. 2). They are terrible people that can lie to you with a straight face. Lesson from that: If they can do that to you, … | /r/Divorce_Men | 23/01/24 07:12 PM |
| 1 | Dating post divorceI tried Bumble and Hinge and Hinge was by far more successful. I agree with Bumble, if someone messages you they generally have interest but no matter what anyone says, I still think a lot of women want a man to reach out 1st. | /r/Divorce_Men | 23/01/24 06:25 PM |
| 15 | Dating post divorceSimilar experience as you man, it just is what it is. They are getting a million dudes messaging them so it's just like going to the buffet for any woman, it doesn't mean the dudes are quality, just thirsty. As a buddy told me "there are a whole bunch of verbal peacocks out there", doesn't mean 'ol Neck Tattoo guy is a winner in real life. 1). Ignore your cheating ex-wife, no matter how much sausage she is getting, no quality dude will buy her "we just grew apart" line or whatever crap she says.… | /r/Divorce_Men | 23/01/24 06:16 PM |
| 2 | Severe doubtsMy entire life has been a shitshow, extreme poverty in childhood, dating failure, then lost my daughter. Now my wife. Hey man, fellow successful engineer here as well! Sometimes it does help to reframe what you do have man and your failures are simply big life lessons that taught you something. I've had some kicks in the teeth but then I look at it as "I overcame that sh1t, all by myself and look at me now". I got fired from a pretty sweet job 13 years ago (I took ownership of my mistake but the… | /r/Divorce_Men | 18/01/24 03:28 PM |
| 1 | Are AP's really this dumb?Your ex-wife might have some kind of mental defect. Cheating is a very serious thing. There is something wrong with her self-esteem that is for sure along with her moral compass. I'm still puzzled, her parents are decent people so I'm not sure where this may have originated from. She really doesn't seem to show any shame about cheating though and she'll continue to ask questions like "why do your parents seem weird around me" or lately, send Xmas cards to people that are clearly my friends (even… | /r/Divorce_Men | 18/01/24 03:14 PM |
| 4 | Mediation tomorrow can it really be OVER after this???This is just from an outsider chiming in but I'm surprised you aren't going into mediation with more of your assets/debts/etc on a spreadsheet. I had to gather all this prior to mediation and from there, we followed a simple split. The exw and I just had some small items (house payout, etc) that were talked through and resolved. In theory you could be done after mediation but you sholdn't be going in blind. You don't have to give away anything man, there are simply pre-marital assets which are f… | /r/Divorce_Men | 17/01/24 03:51 PM |
| 1 | Are AP's really this dumb?The dude probably thinks he is some kind of winner because he has a young girlfriend. There is a high chance that your ex is already cheating on this clown, but she just hides it better and keeps the old fool as an ATM to support her financially. Seeing how is second wife was a big step down from his first wife (which he cheated on both of them), I'm sure he thinks he is winning with the 10 year younger gf that also makes good money. I doubt this clown is supporting the exw financially, he had t… | /r/Divorce_Men | 17/01/24 02:14 PM |
| 6 | What do you do with yourself?It's crazy how common this is around that 40 year old mark! Well, I'm feeling exactly the same way man, especially this winter being stuck inside and feeling lonely when the kids go away for their time with mom. I started doing some winter hikes in the local outdoor rec area in the morning, nothing like starting your day with the sun coming up and snow on the trees. I'll then do some work outs or something physical as that has been such a good thing for my mental health. Otherwise, I'm back to p… | /r/Divorce_Men | 16/01/24 04:50 PM |
| 3 | Is it selfish to want to be happy?Sorry if I was sounding harsh man, not my intention. Sounds like you're a good dude trying to do the right thing, I can absolutely respect you for that man. This is a little bit out of my area of expertise my man, all I can say is I wish you the best OP, I do hope if you do have to make a decision to wind down things in a good, honorable way, at least I hope it goes well and you can find some happiness through it all. | /r/Divorce_Men | 12/01/24 05:15 PM |
| 6 | Is it selfish to want to be happy?The grass is green where you water it man. If I were you, I'd book a 2 week trip to Greece and go island hopping with your wife. I think it's natural for feelings to ebb and flow but it doesn't sound like you are in a horrid situation compared to some truly awful stories Isee and hear. Inject some excitement, get some cool adventures under your belts and maybe things will feel better again. At least try this before making a huge decision. You are in a good spot man, let's say you divorce and hav… | /r/Divorce_Men | 12/01/24 03:15 PM |
| 3 | Is it selfish to want to be happy?P.S. FWIW my ex-wife tells me she is still unhappy even though she now has all the things she wanted, including a great boyfriend. Shocker right here! Just goes to show so many of these exw's that destroy their families to be happy don't realize it's internal to them, not anything around them. Oh well.... | /r/Divorce_Men | 12/01/24 03:02 PM |
| 11 | Have the power to walk away from any women any timeThis is a big one I wish I learned in my earlier years or had a dad or someone to pass this knowledge on. At least I can say I learned this lesson now and can pass it onto my son so he doesn't make the same mistakes. | /r/Divorce_Men | 12/01/24 02:45 PM |
| 5 | Dating during divorce?You've already been starved as long as you have, go a few more months and get the D done and on to a new place or her out of the place 1st. You want that legal agreement in place and once you have it, she can twist in the wind without legal consequence to you. Just get across that finish line and then open up all the apps and go crazy after! | /r/Divorce_Men | 11/01/24 06:37 PM |
| 2 | Do you ever get lonely, and start missing / thinking it wasn't as bad as it was?Nope, those feelings tend to evaporate when your exw cheats on you. I look back and I just see that everything I did had almost no appreciation for the life we worked toward or anything I did. Looking at the exw's old man, that poor b@stard is 70 and not retired because he has killed himself trying to please his wife who....is never happy despite all they have. Like mother like daughter. One year after divorcing and I really enjoy my free time, peace and autonomy. | /r/Divorce_Men | 11/01/24 03:43 PM |
| 2 | Keep or Change Lawyer?Hey OP, not sure if you have heard of Avvo.com, but I used that when I was looking for options. Give it a whirl and read the reviews but it really helped me out to find a highly rated FAMILY LAW attorney. Good luck! | /r/Divorce_Men | 10/01/24 04:44 PM |
| 3 | Divorce is devastating but you can come out aheadA mans chance of divorce shoots-up when his wife has a friend(s) that are divorced. Sounds like maybe some of her friends mightve wanted company in misery. I'd also add in that it shoots up when the friends are also cheaters. 4 out of 5 of my exw's bridesmaids cheated on their husbands, all good looking, driven and solid guys. Nope, not good enough for these cheating hens. Misery loves company and it's hilarious to see on social media all these divorced friends are looking rough, gaining weight … | /r/Divorce_Men | 10/01/24 02:19 PM |
| 6 | Getting back put there sucksI made a series of posts over the past few months about OLD but as some have already said, it's a numbers game and you just have to get over rejection and play the numbers. That being said, it took me wayyyy too many dates to even find a decent woman. Once that was resolved, I spent a couple months dating a decent woman but the time and energy to sustain it was too much and I was also seeing some small red flags along the way. Was it worth it, yea, it was good to see that I was not the issue in … | /r/Divorce_Men | 08/01/24 06:50 PM |
| 3 | Karma got the AP so good, and it just doesn't stop.My exw cheated with Old Man Balls. Dude has 2 divorces under his belt already, dead beat dad to the child he already has and is just a turd. I think I may get him an Xmas gift next year, my life keeps improving and he takes away a lying cheater off my plate. | /r/Divorce_Men | 07/01/24 05:05 PM |
| 5 | Cohabiting during and after the divorceWorst 6 months of my life, especially when I could hear her try to be quiet on the phone with Old Man Balls AP or the famous "I'm just going out with my friends tonight" on the weekend. Learned how much of a POS my exw was. It was like coming out from underwater and taking a fresh breath of air when I moved out. | /r/Divorce_Men | 03/01/24 09:11 PM |
| 3 | M doing the right thing. Right?Some argue reconciling to keep the kids household in tact is the right move. Maybe that would work if you got a hall pass or something. There is more to life than keeping tabs on a woman who would take great pleasure in knocking boots behind your back. The full truth could drive you insane. Just adding my personal take, I got this from my parents too but you know what, I'd rather be divorced than have to play lifetime cop to a cheating exw. I simply set up post divorce life to handle easy handli… | /r/Divorce_Men | 03/01/24 04:43 PM |
| 8 | wife threatens ask 71k $ as divorce settlement, or she sue meDude, I'm repeating the choir but lawyer up. No way you don't each walk away with half of the marital assets. Don't just give her everything and walk away, that's not how it works! Here is my advice - get a spreadsheet, tally up all your assets and debts, that can save some work for the lawyers paralegal. But seriously, your wife has no leg to stand on to get a ton of cash to get you to f-off. Ignore her and let the process do it's thing. | /r/Divorce_Men | 02/01/24 08:19 PM |
| 3 | Don't be so quick to give your freedom upNever settle! My mantra now is I'd rather be single than miserable together. | /r/Divorce_Men | 01/01/24 02:14 PM |
| 4 | Don't be so quick to give your freedom upObviously, if you don't want to get married, once the 'our we going anywhere' talk sets in, you just leave. And if it's sniping at you before that, you do what you did, and just leave. Because it never, ever gets better, just worse. So it needs to be great at the start. So yeah, good call Good comments man! Yea, everyone is on their best behavior for 6 months or so and then the mask usually starts to slip. This woman was cool and we definitely had some good adventures but I just couldn't get pas… | /r/Divorce_Men | 01/01/24 02:13 PM |
| 4 | Don't be so quick to give your freedom upI just did the same today and yesterday. Not for the starky comments, just the red flags that I had been accepting while the relationship continued to move forward. Ya know what, I'm happy being single and not going to settle in order to mitigate the occasional loneliness feeling or lack of intimacy. I think a vast majority of people have this issue, problems being alone. You being happy being single, you are already way ahead of the pack. Happy new year man! | /r/Divorce_Men | 31/12/23 07:24 PM |
| 6 | Don't be so quick to give your freedom upDude, good for you man! Rock on and enjoy that motorcycle and snowboard! | /r/Divorce_Men | 31/12/23 07:23 PM |
| 7 | Don't be so quick to give your freedom upNot gonna lie, I had this as a mental block for so long due to my upbringing. I've really made strides the past few years to say no and really not keep things bottled in for the sake of harmony. | /r/Divorce_Men | 31/12/23 07:22 PM |
| 1 | How did you manage your relationship with kids post divorce.?Hahahahaaha this comment gave me one more goal to add to my life :) fantastic! | /r/Divorce_Men | 18/12/23 02:56 AM |
| 7 | They really are delusional....Well, I know from snooping on the exw's phone that Old balls was a relatively new phenomenon, it was the right moment at the right time thing and not like he was hiding in the shadows for years. I still think she did marry me for a reason, to have the picture perfect wedding photos, have kids and then discard after I served my purpose. My dad always thought she had one foot out the door from the very beginning, I was just too naive to see it. Lesson learned, at least it was early in life and I c… | /r/Divorce_Men | 15/12/23 01:35 PM |
| 2 | They really are delusional....She is acting out indeed. I’m just a bit shocked she knew better than put OMB in the pictures. She is CLEARLY insecure , low self esteem and seeking much more attention and validation. Gross and icky indeed. Best for you to never talk to her about it and hide that card at a bottom of a drawer. (So you can get it to remember how bad she is). Your silence will be what crushes her. Keep telling your stories. Love them and your healing journey. Guaranteed next year OMB will start to make those appea… | /r/Divorce_Men | 15/12/23 01:34 PM |
| 6 | They really are delusional....he very fact that she wants to prove it tells it all. It will pass. Give it about a year or two for her to try to get back together with you. Don't you dare taking her back 😆 Oh I totally know, I heard a line a few months back that was "The guilty ones always have the most to tell". It's totally what this is, trying to justify what she did by making it look like she overcame such a "horrible unhappy life". Don't worry, I will never take back a cheater, I've learned a valuable lesson and honestly… | /r/Divorce_Men | 15/12/23 01:32 PM |
| 3 | They really are delusional....That takes balls on her part, or a huge amount of delusion. Mostly delusion. Good on you man! | /r/Divorce_Men | 15/12/23 01:30 PM |
| 2 | They really are delusional....Honestly I was shocked to see how common this situation was when I came onto these boards last year. There are thirsty dudes everywhere without brains. Seriously, what dude thinks "hey this chick betrayed her husband for me, she DEFINITELY won't do that to me in hte future". Not to mention the baggage of dealing with the other person's kids, etc. Power to you as well man, focus on your kids and life will get better. Just work on yourself 1% per day and over time, that compounds into huge gains! | /r/Divorce_Men | 15/12/23 01:30 PM |
| 7 | They really are delusional....I got told I didn't grocery shop enough. After asking every weekend "honey want me to go"? "No, I like grocery shopping". Wtf! | /r/Divorce_Men | 14/12/23 09:03 PM |
| 5 | They really are delusional....It has to be a mental illness man. My best bud helped me all through my divorce, he went through something nearly similar years ago and knows all the details of my saga too. I mean, is she serious???? You have to be denser than tungsten to not see how dumb this makes one look! | /r/Divorce_Men | 14/12/23 07:53 PM |
| 2 | They really are delusional....Well, she f'ed around and found out! | /r/Divorce_Men | 14/12/23 06:49 PM |
| 4 | They really are delusional....He's got a five yr plan..... what is it? Don't die🤣 This is totally the right place to come my man. This is something that a lot of us quietly deal with on our own. I'm in the same boat with this sh!t ass behavior. Hahahaha I always thinko f that Hooter's scene, must have been a 10 year plan :D Thanks man, I know I'm not alone in any of this, I've reached the point of apathy really, feel bad for someone who needs that much validation in life and can't find it within. Same to you brotha! Have a k… | /r/Divorce_Men | 14/12/23 06:31 PM |
| 8 | They really are delusional....Hahahaha this gave me a good laugh, thank you! | /r/Divorce_Men | 14/12/23 06:25 PM |
| 9 | They really are delusional....Actually quite the opposite u/Old-Macaroon8148. Dude makes 1/3 of what I do in a good year, has two divorces under his belt and drives a clapped out SUV. Just another scumbag that knows how to talk to women with no self esteem. | /r/Divorce_Men | 14/12/23 04:24 PM |
| 4 | They really are delusional....I don't know whether to interpret this as her delusion or some passive aggressive BS to get a rise out of me, or both! | /r/Divorce_Men | 14/12/23 04:23 PM |
| 8 | They really are delusional....Bad english on my part u/Ok-Grand-1882! The Xmas card had professional photography of her and the kids. Just one card, my bad for the horrid sentence. But yea, so far I have heard from one of my best friends, I'm just awaiting to see if it went to my parents and other friends. | /r/Divorce_Men | 14/12/23 04:07 PM |
| 19 | They really are delusional....Oh I know it's coming, I keep getting calls from people wondering why the exw is hanging out with her dad's friend lol! The only way to win is to not play the game. And I have not :D | /r/Divorce_Men | 14/12/23 03:52 PM |
| 14 | They really are delusional....Yep, pretty ridiculous right?? I know the exw has serious self esteem and validation issues, I'm sure this is her way of trying to broadcast "see, look how awesome we all are". I feel sad for her more than anything, it's got to be tough waking up everyday feeling you need to prove something and never being happy with anything in your life. | /r/Divorce_Men | 14/12/23 03:51 PM |
| 23 | They really are delusional....At least old man wasn’t in the photo with your kids that probably would have been something else. I was half expecting that to be when I got that envelope. That would have been quite something if she really had the stones to do that. | /r/Divorce_Men | 14/12/23 03:33 PM |
| 8 | They really are delusional....I love it, appropriately enough of an FU without being overly explicit. | /r/Divorce_Men | 14/12/23 03:32 PM |
| 23 | They really are delusional....Yup, I heard the "I was so unhappy and that was just as bad as the cheating". REALLY? All while I was watching our kids, got her a new car, working a ton and saving for our future. I'm just glad she is no longer my responsibility! I hope you get through what you are going through unscathed man! | /r/Divorce_Men | 14/12/23 03:12 PM |
| 1 | Don't forget to stay grateful for the good things, even through the bad times.Great post OP to help keep things in perspective. Sure, we are all in a spot with pain but I always have kept in perspective there are still people in the world that would trade for my life in a heartbeat. I'm still lucky a lucky SOB! Stay strong brothas! | /r/Divorce_Men | 14/12/23 03:08 PM |
| 7 | Wife trying to come back after leaving me for affair partnerShe had a good life and still blew it up. Sorry but that of betrayal means it's time for her to fend for herself. Cheaters never change man, they just get better at hiding. Divorce sucks but after some time, your life can be just as good if not better and sharing kids time turned out to not be as bad as I thought. I would get out while you don't have a permanent payment to her man. The name of the game is to get out so you can rebuild, here is your chance. | /r/Divorce_Men | 13/12/23 02:05 PM |
| 4 | No explanationLike others said, they cheat because they can and they have serious character flaws. That is all. I've never gotten an "I'm sorry" either and my exw still makes comments like "say hi to your family" for me and other bs. Cheaters are like buckets with holes in them that need constant validation and attention. It's sick. The only thing I can say is it's probably not the 1st time your exw has cheated either, maybe not while she was with you but with a previous boyfriend. I found out my exw cheated … | /r/Divorce_Men | 13/12/23 02:01 PM |
| 2 | Glad I found this placeAppreciate it u/WearyYogurtcloset589! I'm doing the work and trying my best, that is all I can do :D Cheers! | /r/Divorce_Men | 12/12/23 09:53 PM |
| 2 | Glad I found this placeYep, old man balls is still in the picture although she minimizes it. It's all laughable. It still hurts when my kids mention doing things and he is there. Maybe one day the sting will go away. | /r/Divorce_Men | 12/12/23 08:51 PM |
| 3 | Glad I found this placeI'll consider myself luck since I made it out relatively unscathed. Thankfully the exw worked professionally and I got her 401k set up early on, only had to payout some marriage equity and she bought me out of the house. I was able to buy a sweet place, small house but big yard and huge garage, almost opposite of what the marital home was (bigger home, small garage, small yard). It works great for the kids and I, I'm close to a ton of great nature and bike trails and walkable to a nice little do… | /r/Divorce_Men | 12/12/23 06:39 PM |
| 2 | Best piece of advice for a man going through divorcees: Child Support, Spousal Support, Retirement Accounts, Kids expenses, Kids activities, Pets, Assets, Household property, Family obligations, all should either be addressed or spoken to in the final decree. Everything in this post should be stickied somewhere! This is 100000% my lessons learned to, especially the last point. Foot on the accelerator and drive the process or be driven under the bus! | /r/Divorce_Men | 07/12/23 08:38 PM |
| 9 | Best piece of advice for a man going through divorceThis may be argued and that is fine but look for a lawyer that has high ratings and is known to work quickly and efficiently. When I was perusing through Avvo, I avoided the sharks and found the attorney with comments "works quickly and knows the important folks in the county justice system". Filed to mediated agreement in < 4 months, fair split of assets by the book and most importantly got the custody I wanted (equal 50/50). As much as I wanted to fry my cheating exw, in the end, this was equi… | /r/Divorce_Men | 06/12/23 09:42 PM |
| 1 | How do you handle your ex wife smearing your name around town?It's better not to waste any energy feeding into the gossip and just be the good Dad who is always there for their kids. My exw has been doing her best to do the social media thing so she doesn't look like the cheater she is with Old Man Balls AP but anybody who matters in my life already knows the deal and her flying monkeys were never people I cared to win over anyways. As it stands so far, all the daycare folks love me, teachers have been very nice and people are starting to slowly say "oh ma… | /r/Divorce_Men | 06/12/23 02:41 PM |
| 3 | Is getting married even worth it?Don't think about doing it before thirty-five. Hunker down on your career until then. Then, mitigate potential financial losses. Buy a home before you marry. Never put her name on it. Keep accounts separate. Learn to check women. For marriage to work, a man needs to lead. Too many men in this sub have put their wives on pedestals. When my marriage almost died three years ago, my ahha moment when I told my wife I love her, but I don't need her. After twenty years, I had to remind her she wasn't a… | /r/Divorce_Men | 06/12/23 02:21 PM |
| 3 | Should I move 1 block away from my ex-wife for easier co-parenting?Here is my experience OP. Cheater exw torpedoed our marriage and due to how our equity split worked out along with the exw buying our shared house 1st, it made sense for me to find a new place and make new memories. I ended up finding a place about 1/4 mile away but it's tucked away and not on any roads the exw would travel to in order to go past my house. Despite all that happened, I'm actually quite happy with how this house aspect worked out. My kids are still quite young but they know I'm cl… | /r/Divorce_Men | 05/12/23 02:44 PM |
| 5 | Whats the first hour after, like?At least in my case, it felt like a huge weight lifted off my back. After having to live in the same house as the cheating exw for 6 months through the whole process, I thought nothing of getting out of that stifling environment especially as she was texting Old Man Balls AP all the time. Once in my place, I was on a mission to clean, setup and turn it into my sanctuary. One year later, Casa de AC496 is rockin complete with fire pits, beer fridge, fully renovated garage with a sports car in it a… | /r/Divorce_Men | 05/12/23 02:22 PM |
| 27 | Why do women complicate their lives so much?Yep, I felt like if I wasn't CONSTANTLY running around or cleaning on a weekend, I was going to get the evil eye. My exw could never sit still and the house was NEVER clean enough. My dad remarked that our house must be lined in plastic because I was always cleaning when he called. Good 'ol AP can deal with that. Now that in my own home, things get done and it's pretty clean but I knock it out on a weekday morning and I have the rest of my time to do whatever. It's amazing how this feels! | /r/Divorce_Men | 04/12/23 07:31 PM |
| 5 | Betrayed But Missing the OldI'm nearly 6 months out and even though I know I don't want that life, I miss what it should have been. What we could and should have been. It is so much harder with kids. Met her at the weekend and she was already wearing a promise ring from the AP....that hit hard and has set me back abit. Finally hitting home that I don't have a choice in any of this. We all go through this man, it absolutely is harder with kids because oyu still have contact with the cheater ex and the kids also tend to talk… | /r/Divorce_Men | 04/12/23 04:36 PM |
| 1 | Anyone ever feel like never wanting a relationship again?It might be the "right person, wrong timing" with the new lady. I say talk to her, tell her how you're exactly feeling. Communicate with her to ensure you're both on the same page. Lastly, enjoy singlehood for a while. It's a real precious thing. You'll get enough time to play house again. I totally agree with this sentiment, I get a little bummed as I thought I was ready to dive back in after giving myself the appropriate amount of time but now after seeing how it's all working in real life, I … | /r/Divorce_Men | 30/11/23 03:03 PM |
| 1 | Anyone ever feel like never wanting a relationship again?hen our divorce is final I don't think I'll date or be active for at least a year. I still need to figure out what life not married with 3 kids is like. Also I just want to enjoy the time I have with my kids, and the time I have to myself. I was pretty good, I made it to 11.5 months before firing up the dating stuff. That alone time was critical and it helped establish good routines with my kids as well. As for not married life with kids, it is what you make it but it can be a ton of fun. I do l… | /r/Divorce_Men | 30/11/23 02:27 PM |
| 2 | Anyone ever feel like never wanting a relationship again?Now you have no intention of having more children, so your instincts are telling you that the headaches that come with committed relationships are not worth it. Trust your instincts. Yep, this captures exactly where my head is at the moment. It's like I do have a good time when I'm with this lady but no way do I want to give up my freedom or be nagged about when it comes to what I do with my time or money. It seems like the concept of marriage itself is outdated anyways but that is a discussion … | /r/Divorce_Men | 30/11/23 02:21 PM |
| 6 | Anyone ever feel like never wanting a relationship again?You don’t have to marry her to avoid hurting her feelings….not every relationship has to be forever. Totally man! It's part of dating and I have no old timey notions of searching for "the one", mainly someone that adds to my life. That being said, it doesn't have to be permanent like you said. | /r/Divorce_Men | 29/11/23 05:00 PM |
| 10 | Anyone ever feel like never wanting a relationship again?Nothing brings you down faster when you are talked down and seen as basically worthless by someone who is supposed to be your biggest fan. I've always been a fairly steady unshakeable type throughout my life. Cautiously optimistic..seen as laid back. In the same boat man and I think some part of my thought process now still goes back to being betrayed by the person I held dearest to me. I lost a naive part of myself (and maybe that was needed) but now I just can't see loosening the reigns and lo… | /r/Divorce_Men | 29/11/23 04:48 PM |
| 5 | Anyone ever feel like never wanting a relationship again?he was always pleasant, sex was great - although like you I was paying more of the restaurant/entertainment bills as I make quite a bit more than her. In my case she had a kid as well so understood a bit more how difficult it was to make time for her. But by the end I just felt like I'd rather hang out around the house and recharge my batteries or watch football with my buddies than spend the weekend with her. I've really started to feel like this more and more lately. One difference is I also h… | /r/Divorce_Men | 29/11/23 04:36 PM |
| 4 | Anyone ever feel like never wanting a relationship again?I'm in the same boat man, met some cool people but I'm not feeling like I NEED it all the time to feel complete, I am complete on my own which is a great thing. Oh well, just glad to know I'm not the only one. | /r/Divorce_Men | 29/11/23 04:32 PM |
| 7 | Anyone ever feel like never wanting a relationship again?I hear you loud and clear on this. My whole experience has soured me greatly on marriage and since I don't want any more kids, I see absolutely zero reason to tie the knot. Long term thing, sure why not but if someone makes a vow and breaks it so easily (I was just so unhappy, bullcrap), then there is no reason any more to trust in marriage. You bring up a good point, I also look at friends and colleagues that are married, nobody seems happy. The "i need to check with the boss thing" cracks me u… | /r/Divorce_Men | 29/11/23 03:50 PM |
| 3 | Anyone ever feel like never wanting a relationship again?I honestly don't know man, as far as I can tell they do sh1t together with my kids in tow but who knows if they are happy, argue, who knows. I can only say (and it was part of one of my update posts after my kids party) that good 'ol OMB wasn't introduced to anyone at that party and my ally has told me that my exw seems to have isolated herself from parts of her family. All hallmarks of a VERY healthy relationship. | /r/Divorce_Men | 29/11/23 03:26 PM |
| 2 | Anyone ever feel like never wanting a relationship again?Thanks brotha, I appreciate it and I would gladly accept that beer ! I only do this as I know there is some guy out there watching his world crumble and feeling powerless just as I was last year. This type of forum was the helping hand to pull me out of the muck. If I can save somebody from doing the unthinkable or making a decision that would put him in an orange jumpsuit talking to his kids behind glass, then I have done my job. It's not worth it to ruin your life when there is light after wal… | /r/Divorce_Men | 29/11/23 03:17 PM |
| 1 | Getting back on the horse post-divorce. Seeking thoughts and adviceHis suggestion was to have some short term flings with a few women. The danger after divorce especially from a cheating wife is we can potentially be blinded and thirsty for attention after all of this. It's easy to overlook red flags because we could be craving something so bad. So yea, that was his advice. | /r/Divorce_Men | 27/11/23 06:23 PM |
| 1 | Getting back on the horse post-divorce. Seeking thoughts and adviceDefinitely pump the brakes man! A buddy of mine gave me some advice, I needed 3 data points after divorce (aka women) before I'm allowed to even think of an LTR. I'm at at two so far, met a cool woman but taking it one day at a time and I do not compare her to the ex. Give yourself some time man, they are all "awesome" at 1st but it's all about the long game. | /r/Divorce_Men | 27/11/23 06:17 PM |
| 4 | Separation RecommendationsIn my case, I had the wife buy me out of the equity in our house. She bought the house when we 1st started dating so for me, it was a chance to leave bad memories behind, start new ones and also have a sizeable chunk of money for my new place. The interest rate environment sucks but I am alleviating that by paying extra right away on the principle to get to a favorable spot on the amortization curve. I'll then recast and be "OK". That being said, having my new place free of the stain of a cheati… | /r/Divorce_Men | 27/11/23 03:41 PM |
| 10 | Advice to anyone married who might go through divorceUnder no circumstances do you shed a single tear, beg, read self help books, or anything else to waste time. Get a lawyer and file first. At the very least if you wait on her, when she hands you a settlement agreement, show zero emotion. If you show emotion it's totally done. This right here is sage advice OP. I simped for a week thinking I could repair my marriage not knowing about the AP but I found evidence, got the help from these forums and moved lightning speed through divorce. I wish ther… | /r/Divorce_Men | 27/11/23 01:46 PM |
| 1 | How long before getting on top again?OP, why are you giving her everything? There is no reason, it should always be an equitable split. If you can swing it, of course 50/50 on the kids but try and minimize any long term commitments if you can. You can rebuild but huge alimony and CS will cripple you. | /r/Divorce_Men | 21/11/23 04:15 PM |
| 3 | Dating Apps? 🤷🏼♂️Tried Bumble and Hinge and Hinge was BY FAR the better of the apps. Like others have said, I did have to play the numbers game, matched with 40 women, talked with them, whittled it down, probably went on dates with 10 and hooked up with 3 and dating seriously one of those. Definitely put some good pics up, no shirtless selfies in front of a mirror or fish pic, some funny, genuine facts to get the conversation going and get ready to have rejection and bad dates. All in all I don't at regret the e… | /r/Divorce_Men | 20/11/23 04:38 PM |
| 17 | How Long Did it Take?8 years, 2 kids. Exw is a cheating POS. Almost 1.5 years later I still think about it but it is becoming less and less. Due go coparenting, I still have to see her which also doesn't help. My best advice is to work on you and try not to focus on her. Build up the body, do things you always wanted to but couldn't and in time life will improve greatly! | /r/Divorce_Men | 20/11/23 10:51 AM |
| 3 | Wife Wants to Borrow Money for New House Down PaymentIf you are under ex parte orders then she cant do anything until your settlement is done. Get that done and discuss your asset split and go from there. | /r/Divorce_Men | 15/11/23 12:20 AM |
| 1 | What makes a man submit to a second (or third) destruction in divorce?Social pressure- I noticed when I was an unattached and unmarried man, society in general treated me with some low level hositility? I don't have a better word. This kind of made me reconsider not getting remarried several times. The best way I could describe this is being 3 rungs down on the totem pole. I find that most married/never divorced people look at you somewhat as a leper or your "condition" is contagious whereas divorced people you simply 'welcome you to the club". Thankfully (?), div… | /r/Divorce_Men | 14/11/23 02:10 PM |
| 2 | Obsessed with Getting her BackI’ve got a lot of stuff to work on in myself, so dating is pretty far from my mind right now. This is a very good idea OP and I think the right course of action. I took almost a year for myself to take stock, heck, I still think I should take a little more time to be honest. I can't quite understand folks who jump right in but I also don't look down on anyone, in the end we all have our lives to live. Just want to say you aren't alone man, many have walked these same steps and it sucks but thing… | /r/Divorce_Men | 10/11/23 07:32 PM |
| 2 | Obsessed with Getting her BackOP, just telling you my experience. Early 40's, two small kids, married, the whole nine yards and had a good life and the exw still decided she was so unhappy and wanted to cheat. Frankly, I was done with her when I learned what she was doing and gave myself the mindset it was time to move on. When women are done, they are done. The only thing that may sway them is seeing you move on, confident and with a younger, newer model and even then that isn't a guarantee. I'm going to tell you something.… | /r/Divorce_Men | 10/11/23 06:54 PM |
| 2 | Is it going to be a weight off my shoulders when this is all over?If you are still living with your stbxw, the 1st weight is getting her out/you moving out. The 2nd weight comes about 6 months later when you finally mentally decompress. At least this happened to me. Yes, things will get better, it just takes time!!! | /r/Divorce_Men | 09/11/23 09:47 PM |
| 16 | *Who* are these men that go through divorce once and then *get married again,* and WTF are they thinking??I went into Marriage 1.0 like any other young buck, thought I found the one and the stars aligned and we had no drama. I should have peaked behind the curtains a little more as the exw had cheated on her ex-fiance and lo and behold, here we are 12 years later. I've learned my lesson and since I won't be having more kids, I can't ever see myself getting entangled with someone legally. As for your questions, who are these other men who re-marry? I honestly think there are two camps, those than lea… | /r/Divorce_Men | 09/11/23 09:44 PM |
| 3 | Competitive WifeI definitely seen it with my exw. She has a mega competitive personality but I know it stems from huge insecurity and low self esteem. It also shows itself with her constant social media posting and need for dopamine hits from all those likes. Unless someone gets therapy to deal with their issues, this is something that will only cause continuous issues. I now see it as a big red flag for any woman I now date. | /r/Divorce_Men | 09/11/23 04:12 PM |
| 3 | It´s incredible how all this changes youSame story you will see over and over OP. Good dude gets blindsided by the wife that is "just so unhappy" and wife has some scumbag already lined up in the background. I learned a couple hard life lessons, the people closest to you will gladly stick a knife in your back, life isn't fair and nobody cares about your feelings. On the other side of the coin, overcoming adversity is what men do, one foot in front of the other and although it seems like we get the short end of the stick, statistically… | /r/Divorce_Men | 08/11/23 07:19 PM |
| 3 | Guys.. I'm doing all the right things, but I'm just fucking miserableHey OP, give yourself some time man but I know exactly where you are at. I was like a damn shark throughout my divorce, swimming like mad to stay alive. I moved out and I had a mission to upgrade my house, fix things, make it good for my kids and once that was all done, I felt lost and depressed. All those things were keeping me moving but once done, I lost purpose. It especially hurt feeling "replaced" as my cheater exw and her AP started to play "family" more and more. Here is what helped me; … | /r/Divorce_Men | 31/10/23 01:49 PM |
| 4 | Friends After Betrayal?My ex and I have heard the horror stories of divorce on the children and just gravitated to accommodating our schedules for one another for the betterment of our son. That said.......I don't want to be friends with her. Anything outside my son is a no go. She fucked things up and because of that I'm the best man I could ever be and getting better daily. It's a mind fuck that someone could do something so devastating to you and yet you can rise above and be the best person ever. Truly a mind fuck… | /r/Divorce_Men | 30/10/23 07:55 PM |
| 7 | Tell Her Family?OP, I have a slightly different take. At least after Dday, I didn't say anything as I wanted to see if EXW would try and work things out (like a dummy). She immediately went to AP the next day to work out their little strategy. I secretly filed and told my ex-FIL the day before papers were issued. I was so steamed I didn't care for the fallout and I knew if I didn't say anything, she would begin a secret smear campaign. My FIL was crushed but in the end, family will always take families sides, a… | /r/Divorce_Men | 27/10/23 02:38 PM |
| 6 | Loss of Shared Investment in Kids100% the worst part about the whole thing, the kids get to now ping pong back and forth during their childhood all because the exw is a selfish POS. Prior to affair, we did do a TON of stuff together with the kids and it just hurts a little not to share those activities. I partake in my own fun stuff but still, hearing them talk excitedly about something still makes me sad... | /r/Divorce_Men | 26/10/23 02:42 PM |
| 2 | Why are we telling men to wait a year before dating?It also helped me heal by realizing that maybe I WASN'T the problem after all and am desirable by women. Huge confidence booster and am back to being my old self. Everyone is on their own time table and I waited a while but this here was kind of a final puzzle piece for me. I was glad I waited a bit but yea, that final confidence boost was key to getting me over the hill of self doubt. | /r/Divorce_Men | 19/10/23 06:20 PM |
| 4 | Have you learned anything?It's been almost 18 months since stuff went down for me but I've learned a ton. - I truly didn't know not just woman's nature but HUMAN nature in general. I was naive to think someone wouldn't betray me but they did without a care in the world. I'm no longer naive. That being said, I now understand better and know to keep on guard. - I'm stronger than I ever thought. I saw the situation and walked away from a cheating exw with my future intact. No begging/pleading/suffering, just a cool, calm, c… | /r/Divorce_Men | 19/10/23 03:51 PM |
| 1 | She fucked another manThis is great news OP! Let her get wrapped up with Captain Sacknuts and get lost in the fog. Be friendly, non-combative and get those papers sign asap in your favor and move on. My exw found her "soulmate" with a twice divorced serial cheater who fed her a stream of bullcrap equivalent to the Mississippi river. I let that run it's course and freed myself in record time with the best deal I could and have no regrets and am building a kick ass new life. Women like your ex "seem" to do "well" in th… | /r/Divorce_Men | 18/10/23 02:33 PM |
| 6 | Meeting my ex wife affair partner for the first time... and...He didn't destroy your marriage, he didn't have any obligation towards you. I agree most of the blame needs to be on the wayward, they made the commitment. However in my case, AP OMB actively pursued my exw and fed her a constant line of bullsh1t and knew about me and my kids. She's stupid for falling for it but still, what a POS. As much as I will be a grey rock to the max, I wouldn't mind 5 minutes alone with him and power drill. After a few months of dating, I can't fathom any reason to chase… | /r/Divorce_Men | 12/10/23 01:49 PM |
| 4 | Dating again ?Hey OP, it took me a ton of dates to get it right but its all good practice. It finally clicked after a couple months but for me, being positive, letting them talk more than you, not talking negatively about the ex (if they ask) and generally being down for a fun time is what worked. I found going out and sitting by the bar worked best as it gets you closer to the ladies and initiate some light contact (nothing crazy but you gotta get that small physical contact to show flirting and interest). D… | /r/Divorce_Men | 11/10/23 12:30 AM |
| 5 | Did you tell her your intentions to file then do it, or do it then tell herDepends on the circumstances of the relationship OP. In my case, my exw neglected to tell me about the affair she was having for 6 months. Therefore, I neglected to tell her she would be served until the day before. I had too much concern for her draining bank accounts or trying to play dirty games so I got the legal protections in place to keep that from happening. | /r/Divorce_Men | 10/10/23 04:10 PM |
| 1 | Are AP's really this dumb?Well first of all, what you worry about him dating her, let them thats 2 cheaters out of the board. And if you also remember what the member of her extended family told you about AP and your Ex the part of " about the awkward scheisse show the party ", she was embarased to show or introduce him to her family. That tells you everything to now about their relationship. Hey u/FlygonosK! Yep, two lying serial cheaters, I'm sure the trust level is through the roof /sarc. I simply cannot help but laug… | /r/Divorce_Men | 10/10/23 03:34 PM |
| 6 | How do y’all deal with your ex wife spreading mess about you to everyone and anyone?"Guilty people always have the most to say." This is an absolutely perfect saying. I'm going to tattoo this on my eyelids! | /r/Divorce_Men | 06/10/23 05:52 PM |
| 2 | Are AP's really this dumb?Thanks u/Maverick_and_Deuce! I would take a picture and post that if that would happen! Looks like it was a 10 year plan! | /r/Divorce_Men | 04/10/23 08:09 PM |
| 3 | It gets so much better!Awesome list and dead nuts on for all of them! I did all of that and one year later I'm looking out the backyard of my new place and enjoying the fruits of my labor. Dating in late 30's/early 40's is also not dead and in fact way more fun than my 20's! My cheating exw really did me a favor! | /r/Divorce_Men | 03/10/23 01:09 PM |
| 1 | Any advantages to filing first in toxic marriage?Technically in my state, it doesn't really change anything. However, my exw was cheating with a real turd of a dude and I wanted ex parte orders on our accounts ASAP so she couldn't siphon anything away. It also labelled me as the plaintiff and I wanted that to a) control the process and b). have a paper trail as I knew/know the exw would try and sell her sob story. I think it also shocked her a little bit so in the end, she was agreeable and knew I wasn't playing. In the end, we settled quickly… | /r/Divorce_Men | 02/10/23 07:43 PM |
| 1 | Any advantages to filing first in toxic marriage?Usually 33yrs old - 37yrs old Spot on for me ! Great post man! | /r/Divorce_Men | 02/10/23 07:40 PM |
| 17 | Chances wife will change her mind?And now she's spending a lot more time on the dating apps. Sometimes, I think she's trying to find my replacement before filing for divorce. Yup, the classic monkey branch. Let her grab that next branch and watch it break man and don't pick her back up! It's a cliche but start some physical sport, ease off the booze and take some time to be alone man and it will do you wonders and clear your head in time. Recognize what things you may need to improve on your end, not trying to make an insult but… | /r/Divorce_Men | 02/10/23 06:14 PM |
| 3 | Are AP's really this dumb?Does it matter? It shouldn't man, not at all. It just scrambled my brain both good and bad to see those two prior to my daughters party. On the one hand, the fact I'm laughing at him is progress. But in my logical brain, I'm still amazed someone would be dumb enough to want to have a long term relationship with a serial cheater. I need to go drive my car some more..... | /r/Divorce_Men | 28/09/23 07:39 PM |
| 4 | Getting ghosted leads to feeling demotivatedSetup dates with more women. Takes all the pressure off. Bad date or ghost? Next. The dates will be more into you. Women can sense a man with options from across a parking lot. They can also sense desperation in the same way. Hit the gym harder and line up more dates. Even two at the same time. One of them will cancel and if they don’t you gracefully make up an excuse and reschedule. Don’t do it at the last minute or anything just line up more than one date at a time. If this is breaking your br… | /r/Divorce_Men | 28/09/23 06:31 PM |
| 4 | Are AP's really this dumb?Your healing is progressing nicely. Well done! Thank you u/Reflog1791! Yup, realizing he didn't win a prize at all but took possession of a lead weight around his neck really changed my perception and aided my healing for damn sure! The fact I'm having a ton more fun helps tremendously. | /r/Divorce_Men | 28/09/23 05:30 PM |
| 3 | Are AP's really this dumb?I went to a pastor when my wife cheated and found out that he had cheated on his wife. He stopped talking to me because my situation made him face his, and he couldn't do it. Cheaters are scum, especially self-proclaimed men of God who do it. Don't hail yourself as a religious leader if you can't lead by example. The worst type of person right there. Maybe I'll never understand the mindset of a cheater. I have had multiple opportunities even knowing a relationship I was in was about to end and I… | /r/Divorce_Men | 28/09/23 05:10 PM |
| 6 | Are AP's really this dumb?Because of the "greatest emotional connection ever!" Because omb is her soul mate! When she's on a work trip and the wind blows in another direction, she'll make her next "best emotional connection ever." She's probably already cheating on him, right? 100% damn straight! Thanks man! Trying to live my best life and get that smile growing ever more. | /r/Divorce_Men | 28/09/23 05:03 PM |
| 18 | Are AP's really this dumb?Oh 1000% and I know at least in my case, my exw was and is still playing the victim of how rough her life was in our nice house while she drove her fully loaded SUV to workout with all the other "unhappy" wives. I've really come to terms with the fact she is a person that can never be happy (just like her Mom) and that type of relationship will just suck the life out of your soul (as seen by ex-FIL). My happiness has really gone through the roof now realizing all that. | /r/Divorce_Men | 28/09/23 05:02 PM |
| 3 | It does get betterAfter the dust has settled, and we get some routine in our new life (me and the kiddos), I may consider dating; but after being with one woman for 13 years, and being over 40, the dating world of 2023/24 is intimidating AF to me I was in the same boat, definitely give yourself 4 seasons to get acclimated to the new life. Build up that physical activity routine as it helps both mind and body and after 4 seasons, you'll have a great body to go out in the world with. The dating world isn't intimida… | /r/Divorce_Men | 28/09/23 02:51 PM |
| 2 | Wife is leaving me for AP and I've kept it quiet that I knowEverything on this list is A+ correct. Needs to be a sticky somewhere! | /r/Divorce_Men | 27/09/23 02:26 PM |
| 3 | Wife is leaving me for AP and I've kept it quiet that I knowMercedes AMG GT-S. 511hp twin turbo I'll send you a PM about it, never know who may correlate a detail to me. I'll just say it isn't an AMG. That's a bonkers car man!! If you can swing it, you'll be a friggen king dude. Life's too short to be driving a turd wagon! | /r/Divorce_Men | 27/09/23 02:07 PM |
| 10 | Wife is leaving me for AP and I've kept it quiet that I knowOp, read my saga but dude, once they taste the poison apple they are damaged goods. Let some other idiot deal with that as she is forever tainted. While she is in the fog, divorce her, get the best terms for a new life and rock out with your kids when you have them. 50/50 isn't as bad as you think and with all my kids sports stuff, I actually see them more like 75% of the time and just miss out on inlaw crap that I didn't like anyways. Its all what you make of it man! Once you get over the kick … | /r/Divorce_Men | 27/09/23 12:32 AM |
| 3 | How long did it take you guys to rebuild?One year later and at least things feel stabilized. Emotionally - Welp, at least I'm no longer constantly thinking of my exw and her cheating, I've gotten over that hump and feeling sorry for myself. Confidence is back up and no longer triggered. Financially - I was bleeding a little cash month to month just in furnishing my place and all the miscellaneous stuff one needs to maintain a house but that is over and I have been able to put a ton of money toward my mortgage. Despite losing the exw's … | /r/Divorce_Men | 26/09/23 07:42 PM |
| 5 | How do you guys find free time?Actually man, it is possible but you just have to be strategic. One free weekend i had 3 dates, it was hilarious!!!! Anyways didnt mean to come off harsh, you got this brother, just have fun out there most of all. If you need any other advice, reach out. There is a ton of light on the other side! | /r/Divorce_Men | 25/09/23 12:16 AM |
| 3 | I had a nightmare last nightYes!!! Revenge is a dish best served ice cold! It takes time but working on oneself and getting that super confidence is the way to go. | /r/Divorce_Men | 24/09/23 11:27 PM |
| 4 | How do you guys find free time?What's your schedule? If its 50/50, you should have your personal and parenting time. My parenting time is sacred and I never trade or get a babysitter but i do have plenty of time in between to have fun, gym, relax, whatever. Never trade your kid time away man!!!! I am seeing a woman now and she doesn't have kids but she completely understands and is respectful of my kid time. Any women you want to see should think the same or boot them away. | /r/Divorce_Men | 24/09/23 11:25 PM |
| 2 | The cold hard truthSolid, solid post. Ctrl +p. I just wish my still married buddies would take a read on some of this stuff but oh well. | /r/Divorce_Men | 24/09/23 10:29 PM |
| 6 | Does it still just randomly hit you?Just over a year later and I can say emotions have subsided alot. I filled my time with improving my new house, making a badass sanctuary, bought a sports car I always wanted, working out and now taking flying lessons. I thought my "dream" had died until I realized the old dream was just something she wanted. Now, I'm fully in control and loving life again! It's also pissed off my cheating exw that I appear to be having a blast and not a mushy mess without her. It's hard to wipe a smile off your… | /r/Divorce_Men | 22/09/23 03:24 PM |
| 1 | Online Dating: Best Site? Do you put divorced on profile?39M, did both Bumble and Hinge and by far Hinge was waaaaaay better for me. I definitely learned my lesson early on about being a bit more selective but I got better and so did the ladies. Bumble was frustrating, lots of "matches" but then the women have to initiate and then never would. It's been said already but take some nice photos and definitely try and be authentic. I did get lots of compliments that I was what my profile showed, apparently lots of dudes use old photos and then show up loo… | /r/Divorce_Men | 22/09/23 12:42 PM |
| 2 | Alimony and child support cost in MIMichigan divorcd here man. Follow the above advice OP, this is gold! I filed immediately after discovering my exw was cheating and got ex parte orders on our accounts. I also made it clear 50/50 first and that was agreed upon quickly. From there the rest was cake but in my case my ex made 90% of my salary so my CS is minimal and no alimony. Your case will be different. I'm damn lucky and I split in 4 months and have a chance to rebuild. 50/50 custody man, accept not even 0.000. 1% less!!! PM me … | /r/Divorce_Men | 22/09/23 12:38 AM |
| 2 | Why won't married women have sex?definitely think social media has destroyed a lot of marriages and mental health in general. I know couples who’s relationships are complete shit yet if you look at the wife’s Instagram it’s staged photo fantasyland and everything is just perfect. For sure my exw posted constantly and still does on how everything is great. This is just an indicator of low self esteem and needing that hit of validation. The worst part is she put so much effort into people that are just on the periphery of our liv… | /r/Divorce_Men | 21/09/23 01:18 PM |
| 2 | How to deal with the fact that my stbxw is going to be sleeping with other peopleGet out there and start knocking boots with another woman or women. Works both ways my man! | /r/Divorce_Men | 19/09/23 11:49 PM |
| 8 | Who has found getting back into dating difficult in this climateIt’s been weird. I met a beautiful woman at a sports bar Sat Night. We talked for a good 30 mins, laughing and really clicked. Showing pictures of travels, talked about what we like, laughed so much. We exchanged numbers and agreed to have a date soon. I texted her my name and nice to meet you. Still never got a response smh. That’s the ghost and flake culture I forgot about and hate. I had a little bit of this happen early on as I "got back up on the horse". I had some initial rejection heart b… | /r/Divorce_Men | 18/09/23 05:23 PM |
| 1 | Who has found getting back into dating difficult in this climateI have found out that it is easier to attract the opposite sex if you take care of yourself and be confident about who you are. Always love yourself and be happy. Doing that makes women notice you and want to talk! Absolutely and it's a good life lesson boys need to be taught from a young age. I'm guilty of it too but I did let myself go a little during my marriage, not nearly as bad as some but I should have been consistently better about working out and keeping my body in tip top shape. We can… | /r/Divorce_Men | 18/09/23 04:34 PM |
| 5 | Those that finalized and are on the other side. Looking back what was the worst part of the whole process for you?Two things stand out 1). The uncertainty in life that was now present vs. the stable life I worked my butt off to get for my family/kids. My exw grew up in an upper class lifestyle and she has no idea what it's like to want for anything since her parents gave her and her brother everything (lesson #1, don't marry a woman like this). Now, we had to split everything, have two homes and the resulting costs vs. having EVERYTHING F*CKING paid off. It's all good, her AP makes 1/3 what I do and can't r… | /r/Divorce_Men | 18/09/23 03:21 PM |
| 3 | Who has found getting back into dating difficult in this climateOP, when you are ready to date, make sure you look and smell amazing. Women love us who take care of ourselves and not looking like hobos! Sage advice! The current lady I am seeing has told me so many times I have raised the bar for her and how I smell so nice is a major turn on. It was a shock to hear how such common sense advice is not so common but hey, other dudes loss and not mine. | /r/Divorce_Men | 18/09/23 03:02 PM |
| 15 | Want to divorce wife after her affair, but don't want to see my kids less, leave house, and lose half my stuff.OP, get advice from a lawyer 1st and write on a spreadsheet your assets and everything and see what it looks like. Losing half the time sucks but you will come to realize the time you don't have your kids is your time for self improvement and the days you have them, you are 100% there. It's much better than 100% of the time you are with them, you are a mess because of your cheating wife. I filed 2 weeks after finding out my ex was cheating with a pos slug of another man. One year later, I have a… | /r/Divorce_Men | 17/09/23 11:50 AM |
| 5 | Tips, suggestions, wisdom?Great advice. Hell my exw practically had the replacement "interview" with AP by having dinner in our home with our kids while I was away. That fact alone made me hit the divorce button so hard her head is still spinning. I feel bad for the AP in a way. Investing in a woman that will eventually do the same to him, oh well. How you get them is how you lose them. Move on OP, work on yourself for a while and continue to rise. The best revenge truly is living well. | /r/Divorce_Men | 16/09/23 12:52 PM |
| 3 | Am I wrong.......Here is my take. H3ll no, you don't have to do a darn thing when it involves your exw and the loser AP. I recently made some posts about my kid's birthday party and that whole thing blew up in my exes face. No f*cking way am I validating any of that BS. I will not attend events on her home turf (my old home) nor with her family and especially OMB AP. However, I did go out on my kid's actual birthday with the ex and I do join my kid's sports practice and games even on my off days. That's where it… | /r/Divorce_Men | 11/09/23 06:46 PM |
| 4 | The WeekendsIt took me a good nine months of just focusing on myself, new house and kids before I STARTED to feel a bit like myself. In that time, I really threw myself into working out, just spending time by a fire pit by myself thinking and home improvement projects when I didn't have the kids. All that time helped build a solid emotional base and regained confidence. I started dating a couple months back and while the initial rejection was brutal, I just told myself this is just a learning experience and… | /r/Divorce_Men | 08/09/23 08:23 PM |
| 3 | Top 10 mistakes men make in divorceI filed, but when my attorney learned who my ex’s counsel was, he basically said she was good and easy to work with. He said he’s never had to go to court and is exceptional at dealing with her clients. I was actually happy when my very experienced lawyer said this about my exw's counsel. I was very strategic in also looking for my counsel, someone firm but not necessarily a shark and with reviews known for getting stuff done quickly. We got everything done in 4 months, nice and clean and no lon… | /r/Divorce_Men | 08/09/23 08:17 PM |
| 10 | QuestionWhat's pathetic is the guy messing with a married woman and divorcing his wife to be with a married woman. Keep your head up. You will win in the end. The back 40 is gonna kick her ass. This right here OP. Sounds like a real winner who will eventually do it again. Don't worry what two POS' are up to. That will crash and burn as two cheaters will never change their behavior. Or, they can be miserable together, not your concern. There is happiness and a great life after some time which you need to… | /r/Divorce_Men | 08/09/23 03:55 PM |
| 1 | Tips on dating after divorceNever said that wasn't the case, absolutely any attractive women is going to flat out inundated on those apps by a bunch of flopping donger. She will be able to pick and choose and of course looks are going to be a primary filter, so yea, if OP looks like Shrek, he's going to have an impossible time. I simply said to OP to do what he can to get above average to improve his chances. You got to have something to stand out from the crowd. That being said, I'm not Brad Pitt but a ton of the ladies h… | /r/Divorce_Men | 06/09/23 01:01 PM |
| 6 | Tips on dating after divorceShow me on the doll where you were touched lol. Jeez man, yea, genetics are of course going to determine way more. Not the point I was trying to make. Just trying to say if you put some effort into yourself, it will pay off. It's sad that the bar is that low but that is the reality apparently and I see it a lot too with dudes that just seem to give up or barely put in any effort into themselves. | /r/Divorce_Men | 05/09/23 06:23 PM |
| 17 | Tips on dating after divorce39M here. First off, your 1st dates are gonna suck no matter what, its a learning curve and learn to handle rejection. I have been divorced over a year and decided to date starting this summer. It was a rough start with tons of mistakes but after some time, I hit my stride and things are going awesome. 1st off, the bar is really low out there but you should still strive to hit the gym, look good, smell good, dress well and treat a woman well. If you do that, you'll literally be in the 95th perce… | /r/Divorce_Men | 05/09/23 01:55 AM |
| 1 | The road to divorce some lessons learned. Still early daysExcellent post OP, I'd almost say to put the fitness/health stuff further up the chain. I let that slide and I wish I didn't. Putting the work in now, it makes it so much easier to make new women chase you and get that confidence back. Good luck OP, it's helpful knowing we are not alone and others are working through the crap our horrid exes put us through. Take care. | /r/Divorce_Men | 31/08/23 02:35 PM |
| 7 | Nobody outside understandsGents, I took heart in a quote from the Count of Monte Cristo -> So neglect becomes our ally. Nobody gives a shit, it's an unfortunate side effect of our society. It hurt me a ton at 1st but I've come to realize I am the Captain of my own ship and can do whatever I want. As such, I've thrown myself into the things I always wanted (sports car, taking flying lessons, etc.). People always love a comeback story, so change your mindset. I've also come to realize how many dudes that are married don't … | /r/Divorce_Men | 23/08/23 01:09 PM |
| 3 | Found out my wife was continuing to have an affair with her coworker after I forgave her.This here OP. Poor decisions yield poor consequences in time. Nobody can escape their own blast wave. | /r/Divorce_Men | 22/08/23 06:23 PM |
| 3 | How are you guys able to live alone?In my case, I have my kids 50% of the time but on off days, I spend time tending to my house, starting projects, working out and biking or hanging it out with some buddies. I am also starting out again to earn my pilot's license, so that will be a time suck. The key is to find one or two good hobbies and devote yourself to those plus some sort of physical fitness. 9 months from moving away, sure I have my moments I miss my family but I have a new life now and it's just....different. Nothing wron… | /r/Divorce_Men | 22/08/23 06:13 PM |
| 2 | Kid's birthdays after divorceYah, deep in enemy territory surrounded by her AP and support system that knew about the affair. 100% my daughter is parroting this from Mom. Guaranteed. This is the part that wants me to stay away the most. Going back to my old house with my ex-inlaws, her coworkers (who all damn well knew it was going on) and friends and clearly all eyes will be on each and any little reaction I have. The only way to win is to not give in to any provocation (which surely good 'ol OMB would love to do and see) … | /r/Divorce_Men | 15/08/23 03:30 PM |
| 4 | What’s It Like To Feel A New Woman For The First Time?OP, I had the same concern although not married nearly as long as you. It's a weird feeling for a microsecond but getting with a new woman is like having a drink of water after being in the desert thirsty for 3 days. My ex was quite vanilla and rarely initiated and to be with a younger, VERY enthusiastic woman was amazing. Don't worry man, you'll be fine. | /r/Divorce_Men | 15/08/23 12:48 PM |
| 31 | The last photoSorry to hear man but the ILYBNILWY line is always used when they cheat. Its not your fault at all, head hugh and move forward! | /r/Divorce_Men | 12/08/23 05:30 AM |
| 1 | Just a speculation.Only the absolute dumbest APs think history can’t repeat. Only the absolute dumbest cheaters think history can’t boomerang back onto them. There are a LOT of dumb people, however. I twist the knife in subtle ways with my exw as her AP is a twice divorced serial cheater. AP is also dumb as rocks as he cheated with my exw and wants to go for marriage #3. I know I'm not supposed to wait for karma but I will keep a bag of popcorn at the ready even 10 years from now. | /r/Divorce_Men | 08/08/23 06:04 PM |
| 3 | Kid's birthdays after divorceFor me it feels like a “set up” by the ex. If you go and act “fine” for the kids then she will say “see all is forgiven and all is good, lets move OMB in etc..”. If you go and make a scene she will blame you and try to vilify you. She has proven herself to NOT have your kids best interest in mind… all that I am sure you have thought through! Something you may want to talk about with your ex in-laws maybe? Absolutely 100%. The venue for this just makes me want to vomit, this should be all about o… | /r/Divorce_Men | 07/08/23 01:25 PM |
| 2 | Kid's birthdays after divorceHey u/Ok-Ground-2724, thanks for following up! They party is still a few weeks away, this is how much I need to mentally prepare! I'm still on the fence, entering that pit of Vipers just sounds horrid and I'm not at a point where I wouldn't say something offhanded to OMB. We shall see though and Ill update the group after it all goes down. | /r/Divorce_Men | 06/08/23 11:40 PM |
| 3 | Sit down tomorrowOnce a cheater, always a cheater. My exw cheated on her 1st fiance and painted him as abusive and I bet $1000 she says the same crap to old man balls AP. Who cares, they lie to themselves to justify it and in time, she will probably cheat on him. I just have to laugh how stupid AP is, two failed marriages and he is going all in on a cheating women and he is almost in his 50s and exw is late 30s. Good luck buddy. Save yourself the energy OP, ditch her fast, only talk about your kids and find some… | /r/Divorce_Men | 05/08/23 12:28 PM |
| 2 | Best dating AppI tried Bumble and Hinge and Hinge has been way more successful and more dates with good women. Its still a numbers game but at least there has been results. Bumble had alot of likes but then no initiation from most of the women which is super frustrating. Oh well. Good luck and just have fun with it. | /r/Divorce_Men | 05/08/23 12:08 PM |
| 4 | You can't have a successful relationship with someone who doesn't know how to be happy and content with themselves on their ownThe bucket with a hole analogy is great, I think everyone has a hole in their bucket so to speak but some have so many/so big that it's just impossible to keep up with the outflow of attention/needs/etc so to speak. That was the issue with my exw, no matter how much I did it just never seemed like it was enough. She even flat out said "I don't think you can give me the attention I need" after Dday. Well, good 'ol AP who has nothing to do but text you all day can sure do that. I'm never going to … | /r/Divorce_Men | 04/08/23 05:12 PM |
| 3 | Just got back from dropping my kids off at my stbx place and I’m already bawling my eyes outKinda off topic but why do guys go out and move in with a women recently separated and with kids 🤦🏽♂️…my apologies op just venting too Idiot pieces of trash that's who. My exw cheated with a dude that's already gone through two divorces, makes less than my exw, is a serial cheater and doesn't spend much time with his daughter. They are both in for a rude awakening but I really think he is stupid given that after we divorced, he is still going all in on a woman who has cheated on me AND her prev… | /r/Divorce_Men | 03/08/23 05:25 PM |
| 1 | Just had a thought after reading the "wait at least one year until after divorce to date"There's a 3rd OMB? | /r/Divorce_Men | 02/08/23 12:22 PM |
| 5 | “Someday you’ll realize I was the best thing that ever happened to you!”My divorce coach told me, don’t think they are having non stop sex on a bed of your money, they are two toxic people who blew up their families for selfish reasons, how good can that be? I'm in the same situation, my exw blew up a pretty great life to ditch me for a twice divorced serial cheater who is a deadbeat dad, couldn't pay child support as he rented a truck to take my exw on a trip and he is 12 years older than her and earns 1/3 less than me. But "he's such a great guy, you really should… | /r/Divorce_Men | 01/08/23 05:22 PM |
| 1 | Just had a thought after reading the "wait at least one year until after divorce to date"OMB 2.0! Ha, is he twice divorced and a deadbeat dad as well? | /r/Divorce_Men | 01/08/23 01:36 PM |
| 2 | Just had a thought after reading the "wait at least one year until after divorce to date"I've done this and also worn nice clothes to a kids activity and was vague on what I was doing after. I could tell it peeved the ex, I'm sure she was texting Old Man Balls AP furiously afterwards to complain lol! | /r/Divorce_Men | 01/08/23 12:07 AM |
| 3 | Best way to research good attorney?OP, this saved my bacon. Go to avvo.com and look up lawyers and their reviews there. I actually cancelled a retainer on one lawyer and went to another and got a great family law attorney. I went with a women to balance out the dynamic and she also saw EVERYTHING in her line of work. She was super helpful in navigating all the bs from my exw. | /r/Divorce_Men | 31/07/23 04:45 PM |
| 3 | Kid's birthdays after divorceDivorce is not ok. Breaking apart families is not ok. Putting yourself into that situation with people who either harmed you or knew about the harm is not ok. Trying to make all of this look ok in front of your daughter is not ok. This right here u/Ok_Transition_4914. Hey, let's put a shiny bow on this turd sandwich and feed it to our guests. The exw not realizing the irony of inviting AP over is what amazes me, here daughter, here is the POS that was 50% of why your family is broken, happy birt… | /r/Divorce_Men | 28/07/23 02:40 PM |
| 3 | She's not the woman you marriedThat relationship most likely started in secret with one being a “cheater” and the other having “no problem fucking a married person.” Sure let them date they might sit in Limerence for a year or three.. but it’ll all come crashing down because they’re both terrible people. Yep, story of my life. Exw fell for a twice divorced guy (2x divorce as he cheated on both wives) who had no problem going after a married woman. She clearly can't see the coming trainwreck but who cares. I'm doing the work, … | /r/Divorce_Men | 27/07/23 01:19 PM |
| 4 | Simple Pleasures NowI listen to music in my house when I want and if I want to chill in the evening, I can do so without feel the guilt of being "lazy" for wanting a moment to myself. I also have my nice, clean garage with the sports car I always wanted. I don't know about you guys and if you looked at your in-laws but I now look at my FIL and feel like the guy is in hell. My MIL constantly wants to watch TV, be on her phone or eat when they should be out travelling and living it up. That was my future but not anym… | /r/Divorce_Men | 27/07/23 12:44 PM |
| 3 | Kid's birthdays after divorceShe always tries to portray herself as the super mom while I'm quietly behind the scenes making sure they turn into well rounded adults. Perception is everything for some people. Working my way everyday towards indifference, it's a slow journey but I want to get there. | /r/Divorce_Men | 25/07/23 05:09 PM |
| 2 | Kid's birthdays after divorceShe says to me, after 20 years, "Well I guess things turned out okay". I said "F you for what you did.". Never forget. They really are mentally stunted aren't they? My exw was quick to point out how good are kids did in school this year -> "See, they are handling it well". Wow...... | /r/Divorce_Men | 25/07/23 05:02 PM |
| 2 | Kid's birthdays after divorceIf it would help, see if you can bring a friend or family member for support, so it's not ex and her gang vs you alone. This would be good but my family is out of state. I have thought about asking a good buddy. | /r/Divorce_Men | 25/07/23 12:11 PM |
| 3 | Kid's birthdays after divorceI'm sorry to hear about your situation man, it was a fear of mine and partially what got me to act so fast after Dday. My only advice is keep playing the high road, eventually people will see what she says doesn't match reality. It's slow and painful but it's the only way. | /r/Divorce_Men | 25/07/23 12:06 PM |
| 5 | Kid's birthdays after divorceu/marineexmo heyooo hooo ra! Good to hear from you my man! I think it's great advice and with age comes wisdom. I think there is a ton of great advice here overall, my little girl is everything to me but that house is forever tainted for me as my exw brought AP to have dinner with my children when I was away on work. I put a lot of sweat and tears into that house for my family only to have her selfishly tarnish it all. Having to look at that filthy swine IF he is there on my daughter's birthday … | /r/Divorce_Men | 24/07/23 08:08 PM |
| 4 | Kid's birthdays after divorceIt is a nightmare, especially knowing how much my exw sh1t talked after Dday to those not fully in the know. Thankfully my in-laws do know the truth, of course blood is thicker than water but they have been kind and I know my MIL and GIL are torn up, those ladies always did a lot for me. | /r/Divorce_Men | 24/07/23 06:23 PM |
| 2 | Kid's birthdays after divorceGreat points man. I've really tried to take the high road from start to finish. I hope my kids don't have to deal with too much but I have gone out of my way to make sure they look back and say "oh wow, Dad really did so much and we had no idea the amount of kicks to the nuts he took for us". | /r/Divorce_Men | 24/07/23 06:07 PM |
| 3 | Kid's birthdays after divorceStart your own things. The first events you miss are hard but theblids will survive. I throw my own bday for the kids and they're doing just fine I'm definitely throwing my own parties this year with my family/friends! It hurts a little to hear my daughter ask "are you coming to my xxxx party Daddy?" Ill manage it.... | /r/Divorce_Men | 24/07/23 05:02 PM |
| 4 | Kid's birthdays after divorcemy sense here is the right thing is to set very firm boundaries about never going to that house again. 100% and the exw is doing this definitely for image management. I think you are right though, I have the opportunity to manage myself and do the right thing for my daughter. | /r/Divorce_Men | 24/07/23 04:58 PM |
| 3 | Kid's birthdays after divorceI dont know, I would go if my kid asked me to be there. It has nothing to do with your or the mother, it’s about the kid, and if she wants you there, she will always remember you not showing This is what I'm struggling with, my daughter is asking. I like the earlier suggestion of not staying long, pop in, give her a present and dip out. What you said bothers me, I just personally hurt inside thinking my daughter will have a memory of me disappointing her at such an innocent age. | /r/Divorce_Men | 24/07/23 03:20 PM |
| 7 | Kid's birthdays after divorceThese are the things that magnify in a child's memory over time I am very aware of this fact and you are 100% right. I've tried my best this past year to make sure my kids aren't feeling any of the effects and I feel like I've mostly succeeded. | /r/Divorce_Men | 24/07/23 02:06 PM |
| 3 | Kid's birthdays after divorceI had to go to my grandsons 1st birthday party 1 day after my mediation after spending 2yrs in courts after she had the affair. Haven't seen her in person since I confronted her . Hardest thing I had to do.. How did you manage yourself during the party? | /r/Divorce_Men | 24/07/23 01:40 PM |
| 12 | Kid's birthdays after divorceAs much as I love my daughter this is the situation that worries me. I haven't seen this sh1tbag in person and to have to deal with it at my daughter's birthday is a lot.... | /r/Divorce_Men | 24/07/23 01:39 PM |
| 7 | Kid's birthdays after divorceBe the bigger man and don't give them the satisfaction of knowing that it pisses you off. The best revenge is being happy and living a great life. I know man, I want to be there for my daughter but the sh1t is still raw. It's just a bigger stab in the back when my in laws seem to have embraced AP quick, just chaps me to no end. Still some healing left to go.. | /r/Divorce_Men | 24/07/23 01:32 PM |
| 7 | Anybody ever regret getting divorced because you never got as good sex again?I dated european girls in my earlier days and the exw was never as good as them but it didn't matter, I still loved the heck out of her. Anyways, that area was never great and the exw torpedoed my confidence with some really nasty comments after Dday ( really to justify her affair). Well, the 1st woman I hooked up with after divorce was 100x better and just all around better communicator, more fun, free, etc and let's just say my confidence has recently skyrocketed. No, I don't miss my ex, her v… | /r/Divorce_Men | 21/07/23 05:53 PM |
| 9 | Just recently got contact info on one of my STBXW affair partners.Take the advice here and don't bother. You only have a finite amount of energy so direct it in the right places, getting away from your POS stbxw and improving yourself. The best revenge is showing them who the real man is, coming out intact, improving yourself, getting fit, having an awesome home and railing a bunch of hot new ladies. My exw and her AP are busy trying to play new family, in the meantime, I'm dating new women, driving a new sports car, getting raises and working out like a demon… | /r/Divorce_Men | 21/07/23 02:11 PM |
| 4 | I wish I had been hit by a bus insteadI think a lot of the issue is we have no safe male spaces. If we try to create them we get attacked (that's guy, that misogynistic, that sexist), or entryism, or simps ruin it. I think a lot of this lately is there is a generation of men primarily raised by their mothers and not truly taught how to be men. I'm guilty of this and it took a lot of learning life's lessons the hard way to get it through my skull on how a good man should act. My dad never really stepped up to the plate either and loo… | /r/Divorce_Men | 18/07/23 01:46 PM |
| 1 | Just outed the affair, I need a good lawyer in the Boston south shore areaNo advice for an actual lawyer in that area but go on avvo.com and search for a highly rated family law attorney. This worked wonders for me!! Good luck OP! | /r/Divorce_Men | 18/07/23 01:40 PM |
| 1 | What helped after the separation?Therapist, a gym and a sports car helped me! I'm now at the point of casual dating and its been a good distraction. I waited a while but I'm in a good mindset to handle it and have fun! | /r/Divorce_Men | 16/07/23 06:40 PM |
| 2 | Feeling aloneGreat advice, spot on about the therapist. The exw and I went to a counselor but when I realized the depth of her affair, I told her don't bother anymore to go and I still went solo with that same counselor. Having her see 1st hand my exes ability to lie and see our dynamic was so helpful as she could truly realize who torpedoed our marriage. Worth every penny to help me move on ! | /r/Divorce_Men | 16/07/23 09:58 AM |
| 2 | GymCan't stress the workout/gym stuff enough, it's cliche at this point but there is a good reason. I put some resources into making my own home gym and I'm in there 4-5x week anytime I want to lift heavy and box. It's been tremendous for my mental health and when I find myself in a rut, I go down and release all that frustration and feel better. I look better, sleep better and able to cope. If I could only put on about 10lbs more of muscle and get that Statham look, I'll be happy. | /r/Divorce_Men | 14/07/23 03:25 PM |
| 3 | Divorcing Wife Vocabulary"Why do you keep doing this, I'm not trying to screw you over!". -> Her replies to me after legally outmaneuvering her after discovering her affair. | /r/Divorce_Men | 14/07/23 01:58 PM |
| 4 | Divorcing Wife VocabularyI think I correct transaction of I love you but I’m not in love with you is: I’m fucking someone else right now, but I use you for financial support and free child care. It’s so much more than I don’t love you anymore! This one hurts because it's true. Talk about the hit to the confidence when you realize you are a major league chump.... | /r/Divorce_Men | 14/07/23 01:41 PM |
| 1 | Does Everyone Hate Their Ex?after i understood she went on to explode our lives, rather than give it a decent chance. Even after learning of her affair, I asked and gave compassion and consideration but was met with conflict, outright lies, or half-truths and deception. The person Dude, you wrote down word for word exactly what I would have written about my story. I no longer "hate" my exw but I disdain her horrid decisions and intentionally hurting me instead of doing things the honorable way. It speaks WAY more to her ch… | /r/Divorce_Men | 13/07/23 01:33 PM |
| 1 | Trying to take kids awayHey OP, start documenting what you do every day with the kids. Wake up rituals, taking them to school, dinner, etc. It was my recommendation I got from these forums and luckily I didn't need to use it but I had it in my back pocket. Like others said, generally the presumption these days is 50/50 to start with unless you are a seriously drug/alky addicted convict. I was sweating bullets too but it all worked out. Seriously, don't give an inch, my kids relationship with me is the most important th… | /r/Divorce_Men | 13/07/23 12:35 PM |
| 2 | CrushedHey OP, one more thing to say as you start on this journey (I know you are getting blasted by comments). One thing you are going to learn at the end is that you sacrificed yourself for your family. There is nothing more nobler than that man. However, it's time to learn what we as men should be, take no prisoner, walk tall and carry a giant baseball bat masculine leaders. It's one thing I learned is I definitely need to put myself 1st in a lot of ways, mainly, physical health, emotional and so on… | /r/Divorce_Men | 12/07/23 04:04 PM |
| 4 | CrushedMy lying cheating stbxw is bearing another man's child. What's more, he's a two-time violent criminal with a kid he already never sees. They always go for the losers, I just don't get it..... | /r/Divorce_Men | 12/07/23 01:59 PM |
| 4 | CrushedThe last and most important is to realise that she is not at all on your team and she doesn’t give a shit about you anymore. Don’t even allow a convo with her to tell you otherwise, she’s not who you know her to be. I could go on and on mate. My exw kept constantly saying "what do you think, I'm trying to screw you over" as I was engaging her in the legal chess battle. Don't buy it when they try to mind f* you, they are absolutely trying to screw you or else you wouldn't be in this mess. Hit tha… | /r/Divorce_Men | 12/07/23 01:48 PM |
| 4 | CrushedMy last piece of advice/some hope for you OP. It was almost exactly one year ago today I filed and started this crap process (my post history details EVERYTHING). I was an emotional wreck seeing my family get destroyed by my cheating exw and her twice divorced deadbeat turd of an AP. These forums absolutely SAVED me and gave me the advice and strength needed to push forward. Fast forward to now, I have a really cool house, great yard and an awesome garage to make new memories in, my kids are doi… | /r/Divorce_Men | 12/07/23 12:33 PM |
| 5 | CrushedOP, lots of awesome advice here, no need for me to rehash. Here is my nugget of gold. Research a lawyer on avvo.com and look for a highly rated family law lawyer. Some may disagree, but I didn't go for the absolute shark but the lawyer that had a track record of getting things done fast. I actually cancelled my retainer on one and went to another based upon the comments and she got me divorced in 4 months, minimal CS, no alimony and assets divided no more than the law allowed. Sure, it sucks to … | /r/Divorce_Men | 12/07/23 12:08 PM |
| 46 | She now regrets her choices after her new man is treating her like shit.If you buckle She would have no respect for you or your boundaries. Do not be captain save a ho. She made her bed and now needs to sleep in it Bingo! Don't be a white knight. You were clear in the beginning if she lost that feeling, just to walk away and she couldn't respect that. You no longer need to be her safety net. The world is tough but it's more tough when you are dumb. | /r/Divorce_Men | 10/07/23 05:05 PM |
| 8 | Why didn’t I get the talk?"A good partner should be able to read my mind ". I sh1t you all not this is what my exw said to me prior to me finding it her ILYBNILWY speech was really cover for her affair. Totally its all justification for their sh1t behavior. Whatever, I'm free of her and manipulation and Old Man Balls AP can now work on his 3rd divorce conveniently before his retirement and I can work on having a better life. | /r/Divorce_Men | 09/07/23 10:56 PM |
| 1 | OLD - "My ex was abusive" lineIt does get contentious here, much like my life, I tend to avoid the BS and focus my energy on what gives me the most benefit for my input. I'm going to steal that last line, I love it! I appreciate you weighing in too, thank you! | /r/Divorce_Men | 08/07/23 10:12 PM |
| 1 | OLD - "My ex was abusive" lineYou are 2 for 2 on the comments! I really appreciate your detail and thoughtfulness in replying and agree with everything you said, especially the comment about not divulging too much on my side too. I have been careful not to talk too deeply too early about my exw and I have also said despite our relationship ending, we coparent well and she has been good in that respect. I try to be as positive to my dates as possible and avoid negativity. Single moms - agree with what you said too. There are … | /r/Divorce_Men | 08/07/23 05:02 PM |
| 1 | OLD - "My ex was abusive" lineWow, great post and great advice! | /r/Divorce_Men | 08/07/23 02:51 PM |
| 1 | Do I switch attorneys or are they all the same?Op, go to avvo.com and search family law and read the reviews. I ended up canceling my retainer with one and going with a better attorney because of this and my divorce was handled in 4 months. She rocked! | /r/Divorce_Men | 08/07/23 02:32 PM |
| 2 | OLD - "My ex was abusive" lineThis is one thing I have been careful on, despite my exes behavior, I generally don't bring anything up on her and I'll just leave that to future discussions if things get more serious. I know from my side as soon as I hear the date trashing her ex husband more than necessary, it looks real bad but more for her. | /r/Divorce_Men | 08/07/23 01:48 PM |
| 1 | OLD - "My ex was abusive" lineSolid work dude! I am definitely working on getting jacked, being consistent has steadily increased my gains and likely still a few months from where I want to. My only regret is not continuing on and getting lazy during my marriage. As for stacking cash, no issues there, got a big promotion this year and i have always been smart financially. I try not to advertise too much to the ladies, I'm more subtle with tailored clothes, accessories etc. I know the right lady will pick up on those. My prob… | /r/Divorce_Men | 08/07/23 01:16 PM |
| 1 | OLD - "My ex was abusive" lineYou were probably the most abusive, rapaholic of them all! | /r/Divorce_Men | 08/07/23 01:41 AM |
| 2 | OLD - "My ex was abusive" lineWow man, I really appreciate you sharing this stuff! I may be a broken record with all my questions but this is why I ask this stuff, call me sheltered a little bit but holy hell, I like being informed on all that is out there. Dually noted man, I'll ramp up the questions from here on out and if there isn't more detail, I'll be running like Forrest Gump. | /r/Divorce_Men | 07/07/23 07:45 PM |
| 5 | OLD - "My ex was abusive" lineOr that there's an epidemic of divorce lawyers who recommend to their female clients that the best way to get the most money from their ex-husband (and to keep their clients fighting against each other to keep charging their clients more) is to say he's abusive and file a restraining order against him, with dubious allegations? If I had to guess, there is a small percentage of guys that are truly abusive (5-10%, that's probably over estimating). I then would say a large percentage (30-40%) are g… | /r/Divorce_Men | 07/07/23 06:31 PM |
| 3 | OLD - "My ex was abusive" lineLike others have said let the conversation flow if they go on about how abusive there ex is Theres a high probability there are loads more red flags One of my dates kept circling back to her ex. Me: Oh have you done this? I'd love to take you to see it. Her: That would be fun, my ex would do that but never take me there. Like jeez, way to kill the mojo. Looking back, yea, definitely something else going on there. | /r/Divorce_Men | 07/07/23 04:29 PM |
| 5 | OLD - "My ex was abusive" linenyways, best of luck. You will know the one you are looking for when you feel content, but slightly uncomfortable because you aren't used to healthy communication and affection. As sad as that is. This is a great comment! | /r/Divorce_Men | 07/07/23 04:25 PM |
| 3 | OLD - "My ex was abusive" lineThe truth is in the middle. Absolutely, I'm a firm believer in the truth is always somewhere in the middle. I wish I could say I earned my divorce but my exw shotgun blasted our marriage before it could even be saved. Yes, we all must live with the actions of our consequences, I can at least hold my head up high that I was an imperfect but loyal family man. | /r/Divorce_Men | 07/07/23 04:23 PM |
| 5 | OLD - "My ex was abusive" lineGot this one the other day followed by how controlling and physically abusive the guy was. It got my spider senses tingling a little and I just had to file it away in my brain. | /r/Divorce_Men | 07/07/23 02:09 PM |
| 2 | OLD - "My ex was abusive" lineAgreed man, I've kept everything as real as possible. My date yesterday actually thanked me for having an honest set of pictures, she told me some horror stories of dudes blatantly posting stuff from years back, concealing weight etc. I do need to get one or two more "fun, better full body pics" especially since I've put on some muscle in the past 6 months. | /r/Divorce_Men | 07/07/23 02:06 PM |
| 12 | OLD - "My ex was abusive" lineI wish I had this advice when I 1st met my exw. Live and learn! | /r/Divorce_Men | 07/07/23 01:54 PM |
| 7 | OLD - "My ex was abusive" lineI was labeled mentally and emotionally abusive. You're not alone my dude. I'm sure in the background my ex is saying I was "abusive" in some forms but she just called me emotionally unavailable. Ha! You are right though, the only ones abused are the cheated upon spouse. | /r/Divorce_Men | 07/07/23 01:07 PM |
| 10 | OLD - "My ex was abusive" lineWhen people don't want to take actions for their responsibilities, they will blame others. When people don't understand their issues, they will not grow. The 'my ex was abusive' is the standard template for ending a relationship. Nobody blames them because if true, then that's horrible. For me, I see this response as a caution flag. Did they do anything to improve themselves or their kids? Have they grown into a better person? Great comments, totally agree! Even though my actions didn't torpedo … | /r/Divorce_Men | 07/07/23 01:04 PM |
| 1 | OLD - "My ex was abusive" lineAlso. You're in your late 30s. Youre in your prime. You don't need to be fucking around with single moms unless it's just to bang them. You can go and get single childless women in their 20s. So far, my success rate with the late 20's has been zero. I probably got to up my profile game a little. Again, just getting into this so seeing where it takes me but I'm swiping right on them just to feel it out! | /r/Divorce_Men | 07/07/23 01:02 PM |
| 5 | OLD - "My ex was abusive" lineAwesome man, I got almost all covered. Great career, income through the roof, couple of graduate degrees, interesting hobbies and I work out like a fiend now and can confidently say I would stand out from the average 39-year-old guy. Your comment about setting up more in the wings. This used to be something I would have never done but I have been doing that. I had a date on Wednesday that went kind of "meh", so I ended up with another woman last night. She turned out not to be my type, but she w… | /r/Divorce_Men | 07/07/23 12:48 PM |
| 6 | OLD - "My ex was abusive" lineI’ve dated a lot and sealed the deal a lot Great advice and my feeling exactly at the end. I get that there are legit some scumbag dudes out there but I have a hard time believe the sample proportion is going to be that large. Any advice which worked for you on your success rate? Still getting into this man and I think my divorce situation really messed up with ability to not come off more on the friend side of things. | /r/Divorce_Men | 07/07/23 12:31 PM |
| 2 | Reminder to my fellow man.A lawyer who told me to wait for her to file and I knew it was a terrible advice. I had a lawyer tell me this too. I did not like that answer so I found another one. That one small changed saved my life! | /r/Divorce_Men | 05/07/23 06:30 PM |
| 3 | Reminder to my fellow man.Good advice OP. I filed 1st when I realized my exw was so deep in the affair fog that she wasn't returning. Not only that, her AP was actively advising to "you need to choose me and get this done by any means possible". Talk about the scariest message a man can ever see in his life. Thankfully, I got the best lawyer possible, took control and piloted that schooner through 50 foot waves to victory. Heed this advice other men out there! | /r/Divorce_Men | 05/07/23 06:27 PM |
| 1 | Anyone here feel like they're just never gonna date again?I just started dating after being divorced for 8 months, just to dip my toes in the water. Been on a couple dates but nothing wow so far. I'm just finding it to be more energy than it's worth and alot of women are excited at 1st to meet and you think this is cool, then they get fickle or have crap communication. Then there are the ones still carrying baggage from their past marriages even years in the past. I think for the time I have been divorced from the exw, I've really shed my baggage and d… | /r/Divorce_Men | 27/06/23 01:15 PM |
| 1 | Anyone here feel like they're just never gonna date again?Here I am, in the late 40s, with a toddler I'm trying to raise and these "B-words" got the nerve to say some crap like that to me??? I went on a date with a single, 39 year old with no kids (never married, prob a red flag). When the topic of my kids came up, she said "I'm cool with tolerating kids, I just don't want any of my own". It wasn't a negative but I could see through it that in the long term, I'm sure my time with my kids would become an issue. NEXT! | /r/Divorce_Men | 27/06/23 01:11 PM |
| 4 | Tiny FAILURE StoryNot a failure man, you took stock of the details, made an assessment and got tf out of there. Just chock it up to part of the experience. I just started the online dating thing and so far no crazy stuff but I am picking up somethings during convos with the ladies I reach out too and I'll say thank you for your time but I don't see this going anywhere. All part of the fun. | /r/Divorce_Men | 19/06/23 12:51 PM |
| 10 | Cheating Ex is SPIRALING....Why the fuck are you "dealing with your ex spiraling" you fucking cuck? She cheated on you, she's dead. Move on. Try to finalize your divorce and stop being interested in her life. You don't have to give a shit whether she has a new child or not. I love this guy!!! OP, this is some hard advice but listen to this gent right here. Dude, your stbxw is in the fog, you mash that accelerator, get yourself some great terms and start rebuilding free and clear of this disaster my man! | /r/Divorce_Men | 16/06/23 05:54 PM |
| 5 | Could use some success stories right nowI've been making regular updates for this very reason. Any hope I can give to someone else in need is hopefully filling my cosmic karma tank. Good luck and if you need any advice (mental, legal, financial), please feel free to reach out. Don't wade through this on your own! | /r/Divorce_Men | 14/06/23 02:25 PM |
| 9 | Could use some success stories right nowHey OP, my post history details the decent into hell starting almost this time last year but one year later, here is my list of accomplishments. - Got divorced settled within 4 months, minimal CS, kids 50/50, equity buyout from the wife's house used to buy a new house. -Said new house has a big detached garage, big lot for living downtown in a great town, fire pit, well maintained older house and very cost efficient. -Made an internal job transfer into a new area with HUGE future potential and n… | /r/Divorce_Men | 14/06/23 01:44 PM |
| 2 | Need advice about dealing with jealousy seeing my ex-wife with her boyfriend.Here's my advice as I'm going through the midst of it and I know you are still in the rebuilding stages so I'll keep that in mind. Start rebuilding your body 1st, get those muscles up and running so when you wake up and look in the mirror, you see a dude that looks ready to kick some ass. I've really dove back into lifting and boxing and man, when I put on a nice button up and jeans to go see a date, I know she is going to look at me and think "dang, this guy takes care of himself". Huge confide… | /r/Divorce_Men | 14/06/23 01:32 PM |
| 7 | Should I go for 50/50?OP, 50% of the time means 50% of the overnights. I know easier said than done but do everything in your power to get 50% with your kids. You need it to keep your relationship close with them and paying CS for the privilege of not seeing your kids sucks. Good luck man! | /r/Divorce_Men | 13/06/23 07:07 PM |
| 4 | DadLifeI used to kill myself over this but now I think just let them have their fantasy and in the meantime focus all your energy on improving yourself. When the ex see's hubby 2.0 didn't just lay down and cry but instead got ultra ripped and $$$, then she can go cry about her loss. | /r/Divorce_Men | 13/06/23 12:43 PM |
| 5 | Fucking killing this single dad lifeGood job dude! Keep on killing it, it doesn't take much to make kids happy, just be with them and make them apart of the fun exactly like you are doing. I made some special activity rooms for mine so when they come over, they go nuts. Neighborhood kids are the best as well, those days of fun are what really makes their childhoods memorable. | /r/Divorce_Men | 12/06/23 05:07 PM |
| 8 | OLDI just got into OLD last week and I'm in the exact same boat my man! I kept myself in shape, keep clean, nice clothes and shoes and I'm not a player, I definitely like to spend time to get to know a woman and man, it's great. There are definitely a TON of women just reaching out for that so if you aren't a f*ckboi, it's a feast. Sure, women can get a man at any time but they just want someone to treat them well, make them feel wanted and then roger the you know what out of them. | /r/Divorce_Men | 09/06/23 12:48 PM |
| 2 | Adventures in OLDMy only advice is to be genuine. It seems to work great for me. I don't try to put on an act or anything, no flattery or really any compliments. Basically what I'm trying to do, I figure the right one will see through all the BS and hopefully like what I genuinely have to say. | /r/Divorce_Men | 06/06/23 03:49 PM |
| 1 | Adventures in OLDHi u/GirlGazing, appreciate your insight into this! Not knowing the other side of the coin, I (and many others) can only assume dudes are just right swiping with the speed of 10,000 gazelles. I avoided Tinder for that reason, I'm not really a hook up dude and would prefer to take some time to get to know someone 1st. But I figured even on Bumble there is always the guy/girl ratio to contend with. | /r/Divorce_Men | 06/06/23 02:36 PM |
| 1 | Adventures in OLDThis is a great post u/Gattsama! This was definitely the advice I was hoping to hear. | /r/Divorce_Men | 06/06/23 01:01 PM |
| 3 | Adventures in OLDI'm not at all looking to deceive, its more how to messsge, talk, set up a date. I'm hardly the hook up champ but still, knowing how to present oneself and talk is good to know. | /r/Divorce_Men | 05/06/23 09:50 PM |
| 2 | Adventures in OLDMake your profile, put up some nice pics and roll away, put notification son and let the app tell you when someone is interested, dont get trapped by dating apps, you have a better shot with finding a partner in an organic setting, grocery store, friend/family referral and such. Just dont ,make dating apps a full time job, make your swiping day 1 or 2 times a week and that's it. I have like a total of 75 likes across 3 apps and very few messages, its normal and annoying as well. Cool man, looks … | /r/Divorce_Men | 05/06/23 04:06 PM |
| 2 | Adventures in OLDI am trying to be cognizant of a flow to the convo. Are they laughing, staying engaged and asking questions in return? Great! Are they just answering mine and not asking questions back? Ok, they aren't interested. | /r/Divorce_Men | 05/06/23 04:04 PM |
| 3 | Adventures in OLDThe coffee or quick drink is going to be go to for the 1st date. $$$ can rack up quick with dinners! I had one woman make a suggestion for a bunch of very expensive cocktail bars, saw through that and kindly rejected and moved on. | /r/Divorce_Men | 05/06/23 04:02 PM |
| 2 | Adventures in OLDWell good to know, I won't say it but I've been told I'm attractive and the fact I've kept in shape, am driven, have a great career and my sh1t together even after a divorce apparently helps. I still feel like those sights have to have tons of f*ckbois on their slinging bs. I'll just say I'm not a show off and am in general pretty reserved/not a ton of game. I'm hoping some quality lady sees through the BS. | /r/Divorce_Men | 05/06/23 03:10 PM |
| 5 | Adventures in OLDThe key is to quickly meet. You should be scheduling a date within the first 4 messages. Women will want to “talk” as long as you let them in the app. The longer you “talk”, the less likely you are to actually meet. When I first started using the apps, I was actually only interested in talking to them at first. It's interesting you said it within the 1st four messages. I know I just restarted this but I have been at least trying to establish a repoire, common interests first. I did get something… | /r/Divorce_Men | 05/06/23 02:05 PM |
| 7 | Adventures in OLDI figure any decent looking women on there is just getting massive amounts of hits and then they go down the list. I know this is a numbers game and honestly I've just been using each connection to learn what works and doesn't work again. And you are right, no interest, I stop pursuing and moving on to the next (likely they are doing the exact same thing but 1000x fold). I agree though, meet ups and the like are much better but I figure supplementing that with some online stuff would be OK to tr… | /r/Divorce_Men | 05/06/23 01:53 PM |
| 1 | How Far Away Do You Live From Your Kids?I'm about a 45 second drive away in a new house, split time 50/50. It's worked out quite well and I'm glad they know I'm close. | /r/Divorce_Men | 05/06/23 01:45 PM |
| 2 | Life after Divorce - Who here gets the "side eye"?Long story here and it's buried way in the post history but I'll give the abridged version. My exw claimed the reason for her affair was she found the greatest emotional connection ever ....with a twice divorced, dead beat dad slug of a person. I've called him OMB (Old Man Balls) throughout my saga. It's amazing how much time you can dedicate when you don't have family/kids/other obligations in your way or don't care about that. | /r/Divorce_Men | 30/05/23 12:34 PM |
| 4 | How Bad Is This Divorce Going To F*ck Up My Kids?Not likely good man. I'm 30 seconds from my kids and it has worked out well for the exw and I. When they are that young, you need to be closer or else you won't be be able to maintain that close bond. | /r/Divorce_Men | 29/05/23 10:07 AM |
| 2 | Life after Divorce - Who here gets the "side eye"?Well unfortunately in some ways yes but it would be weird if I went to random moms at my kids school and was like "Hey, my exw is a cheater". No winning that one unfortunately. | /r/Divorce_Men | 26/05/23 04:11 PM |
| 3 | Life after Divorce - Who here gets the "side eye"?But to your point, yeah... at times it wouldn't surprise me to find out the ex has been blowing the judge under the bench during hearings. Hahahahaha this gave me a chuckle. "The motion is deni...HUUUUUUAHHHHHHHH" | /r/Divorce_Men | 26/05/23 12:12 PM |
| 6 | Life after Divorce - Who here gets the "side eye"?Thank you I appreciate it! I will say with my two closest neighbors, they are cool as hell and I was pretty direct about my situation and they had no judgement (heck, the dude next to me is divorced and remarried, he gets it). And over time, my other neighbor (very nice older lady, widowed), gave me kudos for having my kids so much in addition to improving the house I moved into and keeping everything tidy. So I think it's proving my current course is the right one. | /r/Divorce_Men | 26/05/23 12:12 PM |
| 4 | Life after Divorce - Who here gets the "side eye"?Love this comment man! 1000000%, couldn't be happier I'm no longer with a cheater and given a clean slate to chase some ladies around. | /r/Divorce_Men | 26/05/23 12:07 PM |
| 5 | Life after Divorce - Who here gets the "side eye"?think unhappily married people either resent you for your freedoms, or project their sadness on you, or start to unload onto you and over share. You know the more I look around, I truly wonder how many married folk are really happy? Certainly alot of my friends and/or work group guys all seem to wish they could do more but I think are just tied down to this expectation of happy wife/happy life at their expense. | /r/Divorce_Men | 26/05/23 12:06 PM |
| 3 | Life after Divorce - Who here gets the "side eye"?hey all realise that the rose was fertilised with horse shit, and that’s what they’re smelling… I always heard in time, things will sort themselves out. In the meantime, they can deal with the stink in my old neighborhood. | /r/Divorce_Men | 26/05/23 12:04 PM |
| 2 | Life after Divorce - Who here gets the "side eye"?10000% ! Being alone is FAR better than being with a lying, cheating POS. I (don't) feel bad for OMB, the twiced divorced old POS affair partner who actually wants to marry my ex. Will Ferrell voice *WHAT AN IDIOT! | /r/Divorce_Men | 26/05/23 12:01 PM |
| 3 | Life after Divorce - Who here gets the "side eye"?I'm starting to think this is the case. A buddy of mine who is also divorced always mentions to a common friend group "Let's go do xxxx tomorrow". The rest of the gang who are all married have to reply "well I can't because.....". Now that I'm on the outside of the marriage gang, I'm starting to love the freedom to do WHATEVER I want. | /r/Divorce_Men | 26/05/23 12:00 PM |
| 3 | Life after Divorce - Who here gets the "side eye"?100% agreed. Threat to the status quo indeed. | /r/Divorce_Men | 26/05/23 11:58 AM |
| 4 | Life after Divorce - Who here gets the "side eye"?Its a shame that is because staying with someone who abuses you or cheats on you (also abuse) is a failure to exercise self respect. Its a shame its not applauded more often. | /r/Divorce_Men | 25/05/23 11:40 PM |
| 4 | Life after Divorce - Who here gets the "side eye"?Man this is a great comment! Based on what I have seen, I haven't seen a clear distinction in men or women, there are equally great and equally crappy people on both sides. I've always said it comes down to the individuals character. But yea, the stereotype sucks and of all the guys that are closed friends and are divorced, they are exceptional dad's and great human beings. They actually gave me hope I'd get out on the other side of this. Your last sentences really hit home. I mourned for a whil… | /r/Divorce_Men | 25/05/23 09:02 PM |
| 3 | Life after Divorce - Who here gets the "side eye"?It is weird to see how behaving honorably is sometimes the least rewarding path (hoping this is short and medium term). Totally agree on this u/ranger69danger. I'd love to go absolutely Liam Neeson scorched earth but that course of action always has unintended consequences and I made the conscious decision to avoid it due to the potential impact on my kids. Eat a crap sandwich on their behalf is something I'll always do but it does mean grinning and bearing it. It's not fun but it's my duty as a… | /r/Divorce_Men | 25/05/23 07:01 PM |
| 3 | Life after Divorce - Who here gets the "side eye"?Now this is where I need to get to! | /r/Divorce_Men | 25/05/23 06:45 PM |
| 3 | Life after Divorce - Who here gets the "side eye"?Agreed totally! I know kids are much smarter than we give them credit for. I have been very careful on how I speak about their mom (only positive stuff, mom loves you and wants to see you) and also not lying to them or asking them to lie for me. I've already caught exw telling my kids not to mention stuff and I just shake my head, she's going to be doing some real damage to them. F*ck.... | /r/Divorce_Men | 25/05/23 05:21 PM |
| 12 | For those that are divorcedMoved from a 4 bed/1800 sqft house to a 3 bed/1450 sqft house with a bigger back yard, more privacy and bigger garage. The old home was newer and technically nicer but I'm ok with the smaller home space and an older home. It's well apppointed, quick to clean and 0.5 miles from the kids and I have a wood fire pit and 3 sides of trees for privacy. Score! | /r/Divorce_Men | 25/05/23 04:57 PM |
| 7 | Life after Divorce - Who here gets the "side eye"?I did deal with a bunch of other crap that single dads deal with that single moms don't. The sheer condescension. The difficulty getting into play groups led by moms, because "can't trust a man alone with children" no matter how good they know the man is. I doubt I was going to get invited to any play groups but the odd thing now is husbands of the wives my ex talks to now sort of give me a "oh hey" and walk away. Dudes that I met at the beginning of the school year and joked around with. That p… | /r/Divorce_Men | 25/05/23 04:55 PM |
| 6 | Life after Divorce - Who here gets the "side eye"?It was my Mom that destroyed her own narrative and paved the way for me and my siblings to see what really transpired and even though my Dad *felt* like a loser - that wasn't the perception from our perspective. This is a really interesting perspective you shared, thank you! I think if anything I'm most worried about my kids but I just try to be a good dad and not talk bad about mom. Who knows if she is doing the opposite but good to hear you figured it out. | /r/Divorce_Men | 25/05/23 04:53 PM |
| 7 | Wife wants to leaveI hate to ask, but any red flags for infidelity? This right here OP. All the classic signs are here, whatever you do, DO NOT reveal your suspicions at all and try to look at anything you can to see if she is communicating with someone else. I can almost guarantee she has some dumbass filling her head with garbage and saying thye have some unbelievable chemistry. Just the affair high man, time to act quick. Feel free to look at my post history but I went through the SAME DAMN THING, wife said she… | /r/Divorce_Men | 19/05/23 01:14 PM |
| 3 | How do I get through this?True words right here!!! | /r/Divorce_Men | 13/05/23 06:23 PM |
| 4 | Anyone else’s wife lose her mind after kids?I think that is the biggest lesson learned, Happy Wife Happy Life is such a joke when the wife can never be happy so you just end up exhausting yourself and never able to be happy yourself. In my case here, my exw went from our comfortable, nice life to now having uncertainty, 2 kids by herself half the time and I can't imagine dating prospects will be too stellar for a late 30's woman with a history of infidelity. I just don't get the thought process...... | /r/Divorce_Men | 12/05/23 03:11 PM |
| 5 | Anyone else’s wife lose her mind after kids?To OPs point, as guys, we think we finally have it made. Some stability, kids are getting a little.older, maybe you don't have to work quite as hard, nice house, little money in the bank. Meanwhile the other one is one the brink of being committed because its just so.......boring. Yup, add me to the club of "the wife changed after baby #2, started working out and got bored and found attention with some slob twiced divorced AP". I'm getting to the point now where I'm starting to think it was al… | /r/Divorce_Men | 12/05/23 01:44 PM |
| 4 | Everywhere I lookMy story is as typical as any, late 30's for us both, 2 kids, great careers and an easy life ahead of us as I busted my rear end to get us way ahead financially. Then one day, she pulls the "I'm not happy and I feel like roommates line" and I tried to frantically "save us". Well, come to find out she had an affair ongoing with Old Man Balls AP and they were plotting on how to "be together forever". 5 months later and a great lawyer, I'm out on the other side but not without reflecting how much i… | /r/Divorce_Men | 01/05/23 03:30 PM |
| 6 | Everywhere I lookI've seen it many times. If your wife has a bunch of divorcees for friends your time is limited. Start planning for yourself. I really wish I would have saw this coming as exw's friends were all divorced from having their own affairs. Oh well, live and learn. | /r/Divorce_Men | 01/05/23 02:44 PM |
| 2 | Tinder funI've installed it but haven't gone through and searched but the fear of jumping out of the fire and into the frying pan still scares me. Keep us updated on your success (or hilariously bad dates). | /r/Divorce_Men | 29/04/23 12:37 PM |
| 2 | 'Hit the gym'.Struggling through a set of heavy squats or whatever makes everything else look insignificant. I also use the mental exercise of AP smirking at me to then pound the heavy bag even harder. For me, getting back into the routine has been a game changer. I clearly feel a difference mentally after a hard work out with the added bonus of seeing my body get more muscle and more defined over time. I don't know how old you are OP but I'm nearly 40 and I hate to say it but the average male in my age group… | /r/Divorce_Men | 22/04/23 02:23 PM |
| 6 | I messed up. She wants divorce. I don’t.You clearly wanted out but didn't have the stones to do it the right way man. No sympathy here, go see someone to tackle your issues and seriously consider taking some time off from relationships. My exw cheated the same way but of course went farther, I just can't sympathize with this type of behavior. | /r/Divorce_Men | 16/04/23 10:56 PM |
| 4 | How do you guys deal with the fact your ex-wives could pick anyone up in a week, but it might take you YEARS (or never)?Stop making fucking excuses. I love this guy! OP, if you don't want to go to the gym, you can invest 1K and make yourself a nice setup. Bench, half rack, some plates, some bowflex dumbells and you have a 24/7 gym. Bench/Squats/Deadlifts -> repeat. Get a heavy bag and get in 15 minutes of boxing. Get a bluetooth speaker and blast some heavy metal in the morning and I guarantee in 3-4 months, you will see a massive improvement. My exw seriously looks at me now with that "what did I do face" especi… | /r/Divorce_Men | 12/04/23 03:28 PM |
| 13 | Fuck, this hurts.You'll here this alot but brother, make yourself a home gym and start hitting that anytime you get thoughts like this. Get a 100lb punching bag too. It's been absolutely game changing for me to get back in my weight lifting routine. I had lots of emotions that took precedence over the lifting but since I started doing it so much, I didn't realize in the meantime I packed on some muscle again and my 38 year old self has his 22 year old body back. And guess what, that stands out because the averag… | /r/Divorce_Men | 08/04/23 04:25 PM |
| 3 | And the picture is finally complete lol .Keep in mind the bell curve of human intelligence, the middle point is not a high number. There are a lot of dudes that think they are special and don't think long term. "She broke up for me, I'm special" in Joe Rogan tard voice. | /r/Divorce_Men | 06/04/23 03:51 PM |
| 9 | Did this kill anyone else’s Sex Drive?What you are feeling is normal. Realizing my ex was having an affair actually gave me ED for a few weeks along with losing 20lbs, puking, not sleeping etc. Thankfully everything has gotten back to normal but now I would say I have more a general apprehension for starting a relationship more than anything. Don't worry man, you are normal. | /r/Divorce_Men | 06/04/23 03:48 PM |
| 3 | And the picture is finally complete lol .Use that anger to fuel you being a better man and you will have the better future guaranteed. Good luck man! I did the same and I got done with my divorce in 4 months and am starting fresh doing what I want to do. Future is bright! | /r/Divorce_Men | 06/04/23 03:05 PM |
| 2 | And the picture is finally complete lol .The best part is these guys think that woman won't do the same to them. Seriously, my exes AP is already twice divorced and was pledging his intent to marry my ex in their social media messages. You think he would have learned but I guess not. Have fun buddy, you are getting up there in age, enjoy not retiring after divorce #3. | /r/Divorce_Men | 06/04/23 03:03 PM |
| 15 | And the picture is finally complete lol .Same here, snuck into her phone a week later and found her making a plan to leave me for Old Man Balls AP and having an affair. They all follow the same script. She did me a favor. Looking at her parents, her dad is miserable because mom is a selfish, lazy, entitled turd and like mom, like daughter. She will find out pretty soon how a cheating woman with kids will fare on the market. | /r/Divorce_Men | 06/04/23 08:51 AM |
| 2 | What would you have done?Hey OP, I can give some advice as I recently bought a house 3 months ago and have since started to make it my Sanctuary. On the outside, one could call it a downgrade from the marital home because it is smaller and older. However, I consciously chose this because A). Not taking an equity buyout would have put me in a financially precarious position and B). I didn't want the memories from the old place to be with me moving foward. I am totally convinced this was the right decision and I'm very ha… | /r/Divorce_Men | 03/04/23 01:46 PM |
| 7 | SURPRISE! You are getting a divorce. A Man's Checklist of things to do right now.I had a great therapist and it was a woman. There are bad therapists that are men -- I met one (not as a patient of his) and he always encouraged the guys to "financially take care of their exwives forever, they abandoned the sanctity of marriage, it is their duty to pay maximum alimony for the sake of the kids." I second this, the lady I see is an expert in divorce/relationships and having her see 1st hand the dynamic with my cheating ex has kept me mentally sane. She didn't assign blame, just … | /r/Divorce_Men | 31/03/23 06:00 PM |
| 3 | Just got a food scale & app1st step in the journey man. I had good success with using my macros + app to track it all. It works, just the prep for all of it is the hard part. Good luck and don't forget that heavy iron! | /r/Divorce_Men | 31/03/23 01:03 AM |
| 8 | My wife let me know she feels like she is no longer in love with me.This my dude. If you heard those words, there is another dude in the background. Ill bet you $100. Find out discreetly but get a lawyer on deck too. | /r/Divorce_Men | 25/03/23 11:31 AM |
| 2 | Feeling guilty spending money on yourselfHa! OMB gets around I see. My ex spent money like it was on fire, I was always amazed that even though we made an absurd amount of money combined, her CC bills were always sky high just due to all the crap she bought. It blew my mind. I estimate once I get past furnishing my new place, I should actually do pretty well every month and be debt free by the end of next year. | /r/Divorce_Men | 22/03/23 01:31 PM |
| 1 | Feeling guilty spending money on yourselfYou only get one life my man. I busted my butt with the ex paying off a home, making a sweet nest egg and trying to get us to our long term goals and I put off the things I wanted specifically for us as a family. Well, the misses decides "she's just not happy" and 8 months later, I'm now divorced from her and she is just waiting to go public with Old Man Balls AP...who by the way makes about 1/3 less than me and will be likely heading toward marriage #3 with my ex. So, there goes 50% of that. Wh… | /r/Divorce_Men | 22/03/23 01:11 PM |
| 1 | How far do you live from your child’s school?Pretty easy, I decided to take an equity buyout (long story) and start fresh. A house went on the market right down the street and I bought it. I wanted to stay in the town, I actually really like it and it offers ALOT of things other than the kids school that are must haves. So, this checked all the boxes and I'm close to the kids. Win win! | /r/Divorce_Men | 20/03/23 09:10 PM |
| 2 | How far do you live from your child’s school?I'm about 3 minutes from my kids grade school and about 1 minute from the ex. It hasn't been an issue and makes it convenient if the kids inevitably forget things. | /r/Divorce_Men | 20/03/23 06:37 PM |
| 2 | Choosing a lawyerHey OP, one suggestion is to go on avvo.com and look for highly rated family law attorneys and go from there. Like someone already said, you need someone who can fight for you but also tell you what you want is unreasonable. Some things are worth not fighting for just to get the process over with. | /r/Divorce_Men | 17/03/23 06:28 PM |
| 4 | Benefits of filling firstHey OP, as others have said, there is no impact to the case itself by filing. However, it does set you as the plaintiff on all legal documents, you can control the narrative and pace of things and can give the initial draft proposals. I filed 1st as my exw was cheating and I wanted to show her I was going to be the one controlling things from there on out. I can't prove it really but I also think it helped give me an upper hand to make sure I got 50/50 custody of my kids, she knew I wasn't going… | /r/Divorce_Men | 16/03/23 12:33 PM |
| 4 | Successful Divorce After Wife Had an Affair, and May Still Be Involved with APThe quantity of the posts of "my husband cheated but I'm attempting reconciliation" is astounding. Whereas the other way around, the woman is just done (while having/after having an affair) and most always the AP is a major downgrade POS. There seems to be an obvious conclusion here.... | /r/Divorce_Men | 16/03/23 12:25 PM |
| 2 | Ex asking to do things as a familyDepends on how your marriage ended? Affair -> Then she is likely doing it for optics (see, we are still friends, we didn't end so bad). If so, don't entertain it! | /r/Divorce_Men | 06/03/23 02:56 PM |
| 4 | Did your wife’s friends turn her against you?I don't have any direct evidence but the "birds of a feather" line tends to ring true. I didn't know at the time, but most of her friends marriages started to fail one by one. At the time, I was just told "oh they grew apart" but after my own debacle, I learned one friend cheated on her ex multiple times, another cheated then moved in with her AP and another cheated and moved on with an older gentleman. So, it's hard not to think there was some sort of chit chat about "how great affairs" are. In… | /r/Divorce_Men | 27/02/23 06:58 PM |
| 4 | Serious question. Was she sincere?Learn this saying - She is not my problem any more. Let AP #4 wine and dine and give her cash. If you respond nastily, it will only aid in her justification. From here on out, be a polite b@stard, be nice to any flying monkeys and show nothing but class but disengage, disengage, disengage. | /r/Divorce_Men | 15/02/23 07:45 PM |
| 3 | Do not use Cordell & CordellThe advice I got months ago was to go on avvo.com and search for the lawyer in your area with very good reviews. Did just that, got an attorney that got things done in 4 months, ex didn't get anything more than that wasn't required by law (in terms of equity splits, etc.). Got 50/50 time with my kids, CS is minimal but only because of our income ratio and got a few things I wanted. | /r/Divorce_Men | 10/02/23 06:35 PM |
| 2 | For men who divorced your wife......My ex cheated. Two weeks later she got an email from my attorney that she didn't see coming. | /r/Divorce_Men | 13/01/23 06:29 AM |
| 2 | First Weekend With KidsI'm about to start this soon with my kids, definitely nervous. I get the "your ex wants to see you fail" thing , I get that impression too but sounds like your killing it. Side note but where the heck can I learn to braid my daughter's hair, youtube? I got a 3 year old and I need to learn all this! | /r/Divorce_Men | 09/01/23 09:53 PM |
| 2 | Temporarily Living With Your Ex-Wife or Soon-To-Be Your Ex-WfeDid this for 6 months and it sucks, I would rather be alone than with someone who makes you feel alone. The 1st month was the worst, when she was obviously going out with AP but lying about it. I took advantage and took my kids out for stuff (mini golf, dinners, etc.). So I can look back and say during this time hey I put my kids first, unlike the selfish ex. Ground rules are needed, no bringing AP over and likewise I haven't dated/brought anyone in. Treat it like a roommate you want to get rid … | /r/Divorce_Men | 06/01/23 03:54 PM |
| 1 | [WA] anyone got recommendations for a kick ass lawyerGo on Avvo.com and search for someone who specializes in Family Law! They have a breakdown on each lawyer's bio on their work percentage. They also have ratings, reviews and if the lawyer has any run in with the bar. Highly recommend! I got a very good attorney and she is on it and had stellar reviews, stbx took her AP's 2nd divorce attorney that has been terrible. There are things you don't go cheap on (haircuts, sushi, vasectomy doctors) and this is one of them. Good luck! | /r/Divorce_Men | 03/01/23 03:17 PM |
| 37 | Why does everyone always side with the woman?Yet another benefit to being a man. Its always your fault. The only thing you can do is be the calm, rationale one and just eat those crap sandwiches for a while. It may take time but people will eventually see your wife is the crazy one. Don't give people ammunition to use against you and they won't have any bullets in their magazine to hit you with. | /r/Divorce_Men | 27/12/22 06:27 PM |
| 2 | What are the best ways to protect yourself in a divorce with two kids?Hey man, I'm actually just starting out with this so haven't had a vacation yet. I did put in the decree that I could request 2 one week stints with the kids if we want to go on a long vacation. As for birthdays, xmas, I at least put in the decree we could share or have our own events for each. Things change over time but in my case, I really don't feel like having a shared holiday with Cheater McCheat and her Old Man Balls AP. | /r/Divorce_Men | 27/12/22 06:16 PM |
| 2 | What are the best ways to protect yourself in a divorce with two kids?None of us here did but it is what it is, best to go in armed with as much knowledge as possible. Good luck man! | /r/Divorce_Men | 27/12/22 12:26 PM |
| 2 | What are the best ways to protect yourself in a divorce with two kids?Ex and I have a 2-2-3 split and one kid in kindergarten with aftercare and the younger one in daycare. I also have a job thats pretty flexible for at home and in office work so that helps alot. | /r/Divorce_Men | 27/12/22 02:16 AM |
| 6 | What are the best ways to protect yourself in a divorce with two kids?Yup exactly. CS is usually just a formula anyways, if one makes higher income no way to escape some. But that 70/30 split down to 50/50 even in itself is massive. There was no way I was gonna be a weekend dad because I love my kids but paying a cheater that much and not seeing my kids was no deal, 50/50 was my hill to die on. | /r/Divorce_Men | 27/12/22 12:21 AM |
| 5 | What are the best ways to protect yourself in a divorce with two kids?Go to avvo.com and find a lawyer specializing in family law. Listen to them, be a grey rock, keep those emotions in check and demand no less than 50/50 custody. You're more than welcome to reach out to me privately but I'm in a no fault state, got 50/50, minimal CS and no alimony and got it done in 4 months. I love my two little munchkins and got my time with them! Divorce sucks but a good attorney can make things as small of a headache as possible. | /r/Divorce_Men | 27/12/22 12:18 AM |
| 13 | Getting marriedOP this my man! Something changes in some women especially at that 7-10 year mark and all it takes is some smooth talking POS and you get turned into a villain. Not all, but seems like some. Or, its her divorced friends or coworkers or something and just because you mixed some of the whites with the darks clothing or gave your kid a cookie for breakfast or something and you are now the worst husband on the planet and the wife is looking to exit. | /r/Divorce_Men | 27/12/22 12:11 AM |
| 2 | Words of wisdom.....That website should definitely help. Good luck man! | /r/Divorce_Men | 25/12/22 11:36 PM |
| 1 | Words of wisdom.....Hey bud, my advice is to go on avvo.com and look for a FAMILY LAW attorney in your area. It was a recommendation from another reddit thread that I can no longer find. Get your free hour consultation and ask what your situation may look like. Ask about retainer fee, hourly rates, if you may need to mediate, etc. Good luck man. There is also a prime on survivinginfidelity.com that is great. I know it doesn't quite apply to your situation but it details on what questions to ask in general. | /r/Divorce_Men | 25/12/22 11:17 PM |
| 8 | Early Christmas PresentBoss level man! Santa arrived early this year for you, savor the moment. Merry Xmas! | /r/Divorce_Men | 25/12/22 10:51 AM |
| 2 | She just does not know how to be happy100% correct, damned if you do, damned if you don't! | /r/Divorce_Men | 25/12/22 10:43 AM |
| 1 | Merry ChristmasThanks for the kind words man! How has everything turned out for you? | /r/Divorce_Men | 25/12/22 10:37 AM |
| 1 | Merry ChristmasI'm sorry to hear brother but make those 4 hours the best of those little girls days ! Make it so all they talk about is what daddy did, that will drive your ex nuts too! | /r/Divorce_Men | 25/12/22 02:05 AM |
| 2 | Merry ChristmasThanks man and likewise ! We both survived another day so Ill chalk it up as a win and I kept it classy for my kids sake. I'm determined 2023 will be my kids best yet! | /r/Divorce_Men | 25/12/22 01:58 AM |
| 4 | Merry ChristmasWhat is even tougher is spending time with your inlaws amd stbx "for the kids". Being surrounded by many and feeling alone..... Merry Christmas to OP and all you finding solace here! | /r/Divorce_Men | 24/12/22 11:40 PM |
| 3 | She just does not know how to be happyThese seems to be the norm and not the exception. | /r/Divorce_Men | 24/12/22 05:19 PM |
| 5 | She just does not know how to be happyThis is a big one right here. My ex has 75% of her friends consisting of divorcees who cheated on their husbands. Big red flag I should have seen although ahe conveniently hid the fact those friends cheated. | /r/Divorce_Men | 24/12/22 05:18 PM |
| 2 | Did you become persona non grata to other married men friends after Divorce?Or in my case, my dad was working too much and just didn't take the time to spend with brother and I. Therefore, I learned alot of wrong things from my mom and spent a good part of my college/post college years learning the hard way about how life really is. I get frustrated with it all too, seeing my mom just complain about everything but not doing anything to help the situation. Its just a front row seat to seeing how nothing can make some women (including the ex wife) happy. | /r/Divorce_Men | 24/12/22 03:47 PM |
| 10 | She just does not know how to be happyAll of these stories are exactly the same man!!! They all blow up their lives for some dumbass who says the right words, chase their "happiness" and find they have nothing left. I'm in the same boat and nearly to the end, taking a small hit from this but able to move on, have a killer career and gonna grab life by the balls again. Lesson learned for the future and what Ill pass down to my son so he doesn't make the same mistake. | /r/Divorce_Men | 24/12/22 02:07 PM |
| 4 | Did you become persona non grata to other married men friends after Divorce?I am right there with you man. I basically haven't heard from my inlaws since Dday, not one has reached out to even say "how you doing" even though I know it has to be awkward for them all. Still, I gave 12 honest years to their daughter and two grandchildren and I am clearly in the discard pile despite me not being the cheater. As for friends, well at least I can prune away those who weren't really there to begin with. Your last line about respect is spot on. With cheaters though, they have no … | /r/Divorce_Men | 24/12/22 12:47 PM |
| 2 | Did you become persona non grata to other married men friends after Divorce?Great post and its crazy to see how many similarities we have together in our stories. Modern men simping, yes, I now see how much it happens with family, friends, acquantainces. | /r/Divorce_Men | 24/12/22 12:39 PM |
| 4 | Did you become persona non grata to other married men friends after Divorce?Its really unfair to the kids as in the end, both parents need to co-parent and slandering one parent doesn't help at all. Some people are just pure evil. | /r/Divorce_Men | 24/12/22 03:41 AM |
| 1 | Did you become persona non grata to other married men friends after Divorce?Looking at the silver lining, yes, I am looking for the freedom. It sucks though losing 50% of my kids lives, just some things I am going to miss out on but can't change it, can only try to be the best dad possible. | /r/Divorce_Men | 24/12/22 03:39 AM |
| 2 | Did you become persona non grata to other married men friends after Divorce?Glad to hear you are doing well again! And what happened with the divorced chick? | /r/Divorce_Men | 24/12/22 03:26 AM |
| 8 | Did you become persona non grata to other married men friends after Divorce?Or most commonly say "I wasn't happy" and then bounce to an AP who is clearly their true soulmate. | /r/Divorce_Men | 24/12/22 02:42 AM |
| 6 | Did you become persona non grata to other married men friends after Divorce?In theory, marriage serves an important promise for both husband and wife. Its just in the west, it literally means nothing anymore to most people, just a box to check. I meant my vows when I took them, I just didn't see that my stbx didn't. | /r/Divorce_Men | 24/12/22 02:27 AM |
| 2 | Did you become persona non grata to other married men friends after Divorce?Interesting for sure. I can't say Im close to any of the ladies in the shared circle of friends. Mainly as they were 1st my exes friends first but also had that boundary in place not to interact so close with them out of respect for the ex. What little that meant to her now looking back. | /r/Divorce_Men | 24/12/22 12:15 AM |
| 1 | She is struggling.My issue is the stbx is doing her best to cover up the fact I filed after learning about her cheating. Women believe women no matter what. | /r/Divorce_Men | 23/12/22 11:30 PM |
| 4 | Did you become persona non grata to other married men friends after Divorce?That seems like a rarity these days.. | /r/Divorce_Men | 23/12/22 11:24 PM |
| 4 | She is struggling.One of my favorite sayings now is "not my problem, call up AP to fix that/pay for that/etc" | /r/Divorce_Men | 23/12/22 11:22 PM |
| 1 | Did you become persona non grata to other married men friends after Divorce?Appreciate the kind words man, I do keep in mind the positives in front of me, its helped deter me from any negative thoughts and kept me on task. I should correct that looking back, I thankfully never had the "need to ask permission" marriage. More like let me doublecheck things are kosher before making plans especially once we had kids. Those little buggers are a handful so I was never the type of dad/husband to just make plans and not inform the ex. Push and pull right? But I do see the "ask … | /r/Divorce_Men | 23/12/22 08:41 PM |
| 2 | Are you dating during your divorce? Are you repeating your same patterns?I have decided to wait until fully out of the house, decree is issued and I'm settled in my new place and have a routine down with my kids before entertaining anything with another woman. Why get out of one problem and potentially jump right into another. Im gonna enjoy my time alone, improve my new house, get some toys and enjoy at least a year to myself and with my kids. | /r/Divorce_Men | 23/12/22 08:30 PM |
| 4 | Did you become persona non grata to other married men friends after Divorce?Good to hear man! Definitely an outlier but good to know some people value morals over blood. | /r/Divorce_Men | 23/12/22 08:20 PM |
| 2 | She is struggling.What about if they didn't initiate?? Asking for a friend. | /r/Divorce_Men | 23/12/22 07:56 PM |
| 10 | Did you become persona non grata to other married men friends after Divorce?Same here dude!! It really just shows who to trim from the inner circle, at least I can say the dudes who had my back I always kept them close for this reason and they did not disappoint. Just a lesson all us men learn, life isn't fair but continue head 1st like an unstoppable Russian coal train. | /r/Divorce_Men | 23/12/22 07:44 PM |
| 2 | Did you become persona non grata to other married men friends after Divorce?The movie orgasmo pops into my mind. STUNT COCK! | /r/Divorce_Men | 23/12/22 07:28 PM |
| 5 | Did you become persona non grata to other married men friends after Divorce?I really see that now with the miserable friends and work colleagues. Every word out of them is "well I got to see what the wife wants me to do" or "cant buy that because my wife wants a new kitchen" but they are the ones killing themselves at work. I'm just as guilty but it took this whole experience for me to finally see it all in action all the time. Its all about boundaries which we as men these days don't learn but instead "happy wife happy life ". | /r/Divorce_Men | 23/12/22 06:52 PM |
| 7 | Did you become persona non grata to other married men friends after Divorce?It really does suck to see all the crap sandwiches all of these stories have in common. The dead beat dad thing is especially crappy, almost all the dudes I know in this situation are exceptional dads, dead beat shouldn't be the 1st thought these days. | /r/Divorce_Men | 23/12/22 06:45 PM |
| 14 | Did you become persona non grata to other married men friends after Divorce?Starting to see this alot. Only thing I learned is just to be a good dad and kill people with kindness. | /r/Divorce_Men | 23/12/22 06:43 PM |
| 7 | Did you become persona non grata to other married men friends after Divorce?It's crazy to look back and be held down by rules and then all of us willingly get locked down into more rules when getting married. Societal pressure is a tough think to counter. | /r/Divorce_Men | 23/12/22 06:42 PM |
| 4 | Did you become persona non grata to other married men friends after Divorce?My thinking exactly. There is a saying I heard "If you weren't there for me at my worst, don't expect to celebrate with me at my best". | /r/Divorce_Men | 23/12/22 06:40 PM |
| 9 | Did you become persona non grata to other married men friends after Divorce?That is a big red flag for me now when I hear women drop the "abuse " allegation. I know there are true cases but seems to be the all too convenient excuse these days. | /r/Divorce_Men | 23/12/22 06:10 PM |
| 4 | Did you become persona non grata to other married men friends after Divorce?I can get some people just don't know what to say. I have gotten frustrated with the friends that stay on the sidelines even though they know she cheated. Out of the inner circle! | /r/Divorce_Men | 23/12/22 05:46 PM |
| 3 | Did you become persona non grata to other married men friends after Divorce?Affair partner. Lol alternative penis technically also correct. | /r/Divorce_Men | 23/12/22 04:51 PM |
| 3 | Did you become persona non grata to other married men friends after Divorce?Reference to Big Daddy with Adam Sandler. My exes AP is like 14 years older and nearly 50. I call him OMB. | /r/Divorce_Men | 23/12/22 04:45 PM |
| 35 | She is struggling.It's tough to watch but in a way I want to see ex really understand how much I did to give our family security. She literally told me after Dday that she did sooooo much and felt like I was taking advantage of. Well at dday, each of our accounts we used were nearly equal and I have watched hers dropped while mine grows (we split household/childcare expenses equally). Financial savvy is not her strength so maybe a crash and burn without a safety net will make her learn. I totally hear you OP abou… | /r/Divorce_Men | 22/12/22 02:19 PM |
| 2 | My wife had an affair, blames me, wants divorce w/ no reconciliation. I’m shatteredGood god this post is dead on for me. Copy pasta indeed!!! Eject OP! | /r/Divorce_Men | 21/12/22 08:22 PM |
| 8 | Girls Night Out Forever.The 2nd marriage ship has sailed. Only reason is to have kids in my opinion and since im done there and snipped, no need to remarry. | /r/Divorce_Men | 21/12/22 04:46 PM |
| 22 | Girls Night Out Forever.Welp, I'm one of the 20% but only because of her affair, I noped out as fast as I could. Same situation though as many, 2 kids, nice suburban house, vacations and her reason for the affair - "I was just so unhappy". Yea right, just pure selfishness and an inability to communicate. Well, she can be happy with Old Man Balls twice divorced dude in his 50s and I'm a late 30s dude, great career, in shape and loyal, devoted dad. Hopefully my stock trades well in the New Year. | /r/Divorce_Men | 21/12/22 01:27 PM |
| 2 | I filed for divorce. Wife retained an attorney. Am I dumb for not retaining?Get a FAMILY LAW attorney yesterday dude. Avvo.com and get the best one you can find and dont give her anything more than legally entitled. 50/50 minimum split on the kids too dude! I got the best one I could find and she was well worth it. | /r/Divorce_Men | 20/12/22 09:40 PM |
| 1 | My wife had an affair, blames me, wants divorce w/ no reconciliation. I’m shatteredHey OP, I got ALL of these same lines. If she loved you, she would have never stepped out of line and TALKED to you about her problems like couples should. Get a good FAMILY LAW attorney, do your research, drive the train to splitsville and protect your interests. Let AP get a crappy, cheating liar of a woman who will eventually get tired of her shiny turd and cheat on him for that thrill she is addicted too. There are likely more women out there just dying for a loyal dude and that deserve it, … | /r/Divorce_Men | 19/12/22 05:26 PM |
| 1 | My wife had an affair, blames me, wants divorce w/ no reconciliation. I’m shattered36 for my stbxw and around that for most of her girlfriends. WTF is with that age and women? | /r/Divorce_Men | 19/12/22 05:23 PM |
| 1 | My wife had an affair, blames me, wants divorce w/ no reconciliation. I’m shatteredDon't give her the ability to say I was right to divorce you. I found a real man. The man she cheated on you with is like you or worse than you. If she could have done better than you, she would not have married you. Working hard to make your family's life better rarely makes a man weaker. This right here OP. Yea it stings and you want to be a good father/husband/provider but she broke the contract man and doesn't think you have the stones to yeet her out. I played the dance too for a couple day… | /r/Divorce_Men | 19/12/22 05:22 PM |
| 2 | How to live happily after divorce?Preach! The crap my stbx buys off Amazon that has zero use and just drains her bank account is amazing. I've calculated that even without her decent income, Ill still be way ahead once we split. She on the other hand will barely make ends meet. Unbelievable! | /r/Divorce_Men | 17/12/22 01:18 AM |
| 6 | Anyone thinking of dating a single mom?Nail meets hammer with this post! My stbx described her previous boyfriend (who i just found out she cheated on) as a abusive. 12 years later, she is spreading word that I was an unemotionally available husband which is the same as abusive. After she cheated on me. Who is the problem here?.... | /r/Divorce_Men | 14/12/22 02:40 AM |
| 2 | Everything is signed, just waiting on the judgeMy stbx - you did nothing around the house, I feel like you took advantage. Later that day - hey can you fix the closet door, fill my tires, patch the walls, etc. Me: F#&#*&# youuuuuuu! Amazing how women forget how us dudes seamlessly do all the mechanical work around the house..... | /r/Divorce_Men | 14/12/22 02:35 AM |
| 7 | Is it normal to find your ex wife incredibly attractive ?My ex is an attractive woman and before I found out about her affair, I always thought I was a lucky SOB to have her and her be the one to give me 2 beautiful children. However, after the affair, she is no longer attractive in my eyes and all of her small flaws which I never saw before are now front and center. I can't help look at her now and be disgusted by her character and actions. Truly crazy to witness this shift.... | /r/Divorce_Men | 10/12/22 08:56 PM |
| 3 | Is it normal to find your ex wife incredibly attractive ?Hahahahahaahaha answer of the day here! Solid! | /r/Divorce_Men | 10/12/22 08:52 PM |
| 1 | Is Karma Even Real?I think a better way to look at this is not a universal force that balances everything out. Look at it as the bad actions of a cheater having consquences that catch up. For example, them lying continuously and having bad character will eventually catch up to them. Or a WS getting cheated on by their AP because if they will cheat with you they will cheat on you. I think that way, it prevents you from putting something on a schedule and getting stressed out it doesnt happen. | /r/Divorce_Men | 10/12/22 08:51 PM |
| 3 | Well, I’m officially divorced as of this morning. 12/5/22.Dang, 12 years here, 8 years married, two kids. D is official next month. Crazy to see so many similar stories around this time and age. Good luck ! | /r/Divorce_Men | 05/12/22 09:20 PM |
| 4 | Living situationIt's very possible. Look into a voice operated record (cheap, maybe $30-50) and there are some USB cams online as well. You don't want to be a victim of he said/she said because guess who gets believed. I was thankful that my stbx and I were friendly but it was always on my mind. Take precautions is all I'm saying. | /r/Divorce_Men | 29/11/22 01:01 PM |
| 3 | Living situationYes, don't leave until your lawyer tells you its ok and have signed documents saying so. You can be accused of abandonment. | /r/Divorce_Men | 29/11/22 12:53 PM |
| 8 | Am I "being strong" or just numb?Gonna second the comment already made, are you sure there was no infidelity? Did you get the "I love you but not IN love with you" comment? Dude, our stories are scarily close with the exception my stbxw was trying to hide the affair as she sprung the ILYBNILWY deal. We had a great life, no struggles at all, paid off house, beautiful kids, the whole works and yet she still strayed. It makes ZERO sense especially with the schlub she claims has the "greatest emotional connection" ever with. Dude h… | /r/Divorce_Men | 28/11/22 02:42 PM |
| 2 | Gentlemen; For those you you who are divorced, did your wife ever give you the "I love you, but I'm not in love with you" speech? If yes, did she end up initiating divorce or did you?Was she having an affair? | /r/Divorce_Men | 28/11/22 04:23 AM |
| 3 | Gentlemen; For those you you who are divorced, did your wife ever give you the "I love you, but I'm not in love with you" speech? If yes, did she end up initiating divorce or did you?Its almost like there is a handbook out there of some sorts that makes this a go to! | /r/Divorce_Men | 28/11/22 12:12 AM |
| 2 | Gentlemen; For those you you who are divorced, did your wife ever give you the "I love you, but I'm not in love with you" speech? If yes, did she end up initiating divorce or did you?Atta boy! Did she come back later on and beg? | /r/Divorce_Men | 27/11/22 12:27 AM |
| 2 | Gentlemen; For those you you who are divorced, did your wife ever give you the "I love you, but I'm not in love with you" speech? If yes, did she end up initiating divorce or did you?By all means. Take a gander through my post history and feel free to DM. Lesson learned through all this, I'm able to make some hard decisions and come out on top :) | /r/Divorce_Men | 26/11/22 07:45 PM |
| 2 | Gentlemen; For those you you who are divorced, did your wife ever give you the "I love you, but I'm not in love with you" speech? If yes, did she end up initiating divorce or did you?Yep, hurt even worse as it was Father's Day weekend when the initial pre Dday stuff (ILYBINILWY). There are tons more details but I'll keep it at this as I don't want to sidetrack your poll. | /r/Divorce_Men | 26/11/22 07:42 PM |
| 9 | Gentlemen; For those you you who are divorced, did your wife ever give you the "I love you, but I'm not in love with you" speech? If yes, did she end up initiating divorce or did you?Got the ILYBINILY when I noticed my stbx acting weird. She tried to blame it on growing apart and feeling like roommates and losing the spark. I was devastated thinking I royally messed up but by accident happened to read a "20 signs your wife is having an affair article" while looking for relationship advice. Welp go figure, turns out she was having an affair and was attempting to weasel out and eventually pin this whole thing on me, I could see her messages to the AP and they were conspiring t… | /r/Divorce_Men | 26/11/22 07:35 PM |
| 1 | Wife Is Having An Affair-Divorcing SoonThat last line is my stbx...breaks my heart she didn't think at all of the consequences to our kids. | /r/Divorce_Men | 25/11/22 11:55 PM |
| 1 | AP is a douche canoeCan't understand it myself either, stbx is going all in on a twice divorced nearly 50 year old slob (she is mid 30s) who makes less than her much less 1/3 of me, is a known cheater and clearly looks older than her. Her claim is like all the others "I was just so unhappy". It must be a ticking time bomb in all women, the similarities in all the stories I read is nuts! | /r/Divorce_Men | 25/11/22 09:43 PM |
| 5 | Divorce.I 2nd that there may be an AP. Are you sure there isn't someone else? My stbx tried to pull one over me and had me convinced her funny behavior was that we grew apart and were like roommates. Low and behold, I found out she was cheating on me and trying to set the tone to leave me and claim it was because we grew apart. I instead turned the tables, exposed her and AP and filed on her. Read up on Chump lady, hit the gym and get a very good FAMILY LAW attorney. If I can do this, you can too! | /r/Divorce_Men | 24/11/22 08:19 PM |
| 3 | For the men who initiated and filed for divorceGot one more to add to this. After the "D" got filed, I did have some serious self doubts but I started to examine the relationship of my MIL and FIL and started to see my future. The MIL is never happy and extremely selfish and FIL kills himself to give her everything she wants. After seeing that, I started to see this was my future if the stbx didn't cheat. Made filing even more the right thing to do. | /r/Divorce_Men | 23/11/22 01:19 PM |
| 2 | For the men who initiated and filed for divorceI’m old now 42 That's not old buddy, I'm a few years away from that but I would never call myself old and I feel like the world is at my fingertips. Get out there and crush it! | /r/Divorce_Men | 23/11/22 01:17 PM |
| 41 | For the men who initiated and filed for divorceFound out my wife was cheating on me behind my back, never mentioned anything about problems or unhappiness and I thought our life was going great. It broke me to find out how much she was lying to me when looking back. The kicker: She invited AP over for dinner when I was out of town and my two small kids were there and my young son mentioned it to me someone was over on a drive home together, I nearly broke down then and there. Immediate filing! | /r/Divorce_Men | 22/11/22 05:19 PM |
| 3 | 90 Days - A “Successful” Divorce?Solid work dude!!! You and I have crazy similar stories but you got me beat in the speed and cost department. I agree with you, 50/50 was my hill to die on but luckily there wasn't much fight on that (besides initially), otherwise, things were fairly evenly split and I'm also on the hunt for a house now. I don't mean to pry, but was the dissolution just unhappiness or was there a Chad in the mix? Either way man, good work and I wish you nothing but success moving forward with your kids. | /r/Divorce_Men | 22/11/22 02:35 PM |
| 6 | For what?Sorry dude I certainly can relate. It sucks how those two things you mentioned can completely influence a woman to throw things away. Best you can do is let the stbx go try and live that fantasy and find out life is tough for a single mom. Good luck man, we are all here for you! | /r/Divorce_Men | 22/11/22 12:56 AM |
| 3 | For what?Ahahahahhaa I laughed my arse off at the Chad Chadwick comment, I love it! I wish AP was a Chad, its almost worse to see the downgrade and to think THAT got chosen over me. Im not Brad Pitt but jeez, I at least kept in shape and have kept up on my health and body and done my best to kick butt at work and bring home the bacon. I guess I can't compete with a dude who has nothing but time to message all day and love bomb. | /r/Divorce_Men | 22/11/22 12:53 AM |
| 8 | For what?Basically said I love you but not in love with you anymore. You sure there isn't another man involved? That's standard issue line right there! | /r/Divorce_Men | 21/11/22 03:30 PM |
| 8 | For what?Same story man, in our mid 30s, married 7.5 with two kids, great jobs, vacations, paid off house in a nice area, two new cars and a future full of possibilities and the stbx "wasn't happy " and decided to have an affair with a twice divorced 50 year old who says is her "greatest emotional connection and soulmate". Why....who cares anymore, I've stopped trying to understand the mind of an irrational person. | /r/Divorce_Men | 21/11/22 01:04 PM |
| 1 | How I let a woman destroy my life - 41m. Young men: Do not ever get married.No one cares. The last thing anyone wants to hear about is marriage problems. They will ghost you. This is a fine line with some people. I found that some people do want to help and listen but I do try to limit how much I vent and over time have been transitioning from the initial shock to things to do in the future and advice on how to transition to the new life, etc. I have found doing that, people start to appreciate the strength you show through the situation and don't get the "emotion fatig… | /r/Divorce_Men | 16/11/22 12:49 PM |
| 6 | My wife is divorcing! ( main reason: she got no feeling for me anymore) Need some advice…As a dude currently also going through this, I'm just gonna tell you now that the question you are trying to answer will only drive you mad. For whatever reason when women are content and comfortable, they become crazy. You are a logical man, she is an emotional female. She likely got something in her head that she needed/deserved better even if she is in the best relationship she will ever have and boom. Just don't kill yourself over it, take the advice of everyone else here, get in killer shap… | /r/Divorce_Men | 16/11/22 12:27 PM |
| 1 | Letting go of someoneI found my wife was cheating so for me, the toughest part was the initial grief and 1st few weeks. I snapped out of any love for her pretty quick once I realized the depth of her betrayal against me and the kids and quickly got to work pushing the D. Some serious leap into physical activity and weight lifting ALOT, throwing myself into a new job and reading have helped me. I'm still dealing emotionally day to day but for sure hitting some heavy iron and heavy metal music and helped with the ange… | /r/Divorce_Men | 16/11/22 12:38 AM |
| 2 | How I let a woman destroy my life - 41m. Young men: Do not ever get married.A buddy told me this, you did it once you can do it again. Likely your ex like mine will blow through in a short time and youll be on your way forward. At the very least I acquired the knowledge from doing ans making mistakes and I will rebuild. It just sucks, paid off house and kids college expenses would have been funded in a few years and stbx os throwing it all away for a schmuck with nothing to his name. Brilliant! | /r/Divorce_Men | 14/11/22 10:17 PM |
| 5 | How I let a woman destroy my life - 41m. Young men: Do not ever get married.Here is a joke that I feel is appropriate for this thread. WOMEN... A department store opened in New York City that sold men and a woman decides to visit it in search of a husband. At the store’s entrance, there’s a sign outlining the department store policy. The first rule states that you can only enter the store once. There are six floors and on each floor you can choose a husband or elect to move on to the next floor. You cannot visit a floor more than once other than to leave the building.… | /r/Divorce_Men | 14/11/22 04:13 PM |
| 5 | How I let a woman destroy my life - 41m. Young men: Do not ever get married.I hear ya man, I'm highly doubtful there will ever be another commitment again. I'm looking forward to doing cool stuff with my kids, growing personally, having some adventures and yea, a 25 year old bubbly girl will be fun for a while! I could care less if my stbx ever comes crawling back. Sure it will be a temporary ego boost, but whatever I do will be for me and the rest will just be gravy. AP can deal with her baggage from now on. Good luck man! | /r/Divorce_Men | 14/11/22 02:43 PM |
| 2 | Post D Rebuilding - Did anyone take up a physical sport or fighting sport to help with confidence?Mountain biking and beer seem to go hand in hand. As for biking itself, i started a few years back and am glad I have that in my life. All the dudes I have met in their 50's that bike are all in great shape and that has been a key thing I like in the sport, to be able to look at my future and see one of the health vs. the usual get old, get fat, get lazy. | /r/Divorce_Men | 14/11/22 01:37 PM |
| 1 | The sense of entitlement is insane - it's like she thinks we're still married!same here. when we were married all I ever heard was: you're lazy, you dont care about me, you dont love me, you're cheating, you never clean. This must be something that mothers hand down to their daughters lol. I got this one too "you don't know how much I do". Yea sure, I do the laundry, bathe the kids all the time, outdoor work, handyman work around the house, cook/grill, change poopy diapers and actually play with our kids on top of 50 hours/week at work bringing home the bacon while she wa… | /r/Divorce_Men | 14/11/22 01:08 PM |
| 20 | How I let a woman destroy my life - 41m. Young men: Do not ever get married.LOL damn we really are in the same boat, stbx is also 36 (still pretty but the age and childbirth show). I was totally on board the "Mr. Money Mustache" train and spent a great deal of energy paying down debt and building up equity and did good! I see it coming too, her AP may be a smooth talker but is older, makes 1/3 what I do, doesn't have much to his name for being almost 50 and has a kid, two ex wives and all the baggage to come with it. Just like in your case, it will be a matter of time w… | /r/Divorce_Men | 14/11/22 12:17 PM |
| 26 | How I let a woman destroy my life - 41m. Young men: Do not ever get married.You're not alone bud. Same sh1t with me all because the ex "was so unhappy for so long" and just by chance found happiness with a twice divorced 13 year older AP. How wonderful is that!! It seems no matter how good they got it, women will still find a way to be unhappy. Look at it as you have your freedom and as said befors by others, men can get by on so much less wheras your ex will likely flounder and guess what, find out she is unhappy as a single mom. Let her lay in the bed she made. | /r/Divorce_Men | 14/11/22 10:09 AM |
| 1 | I need some advice guys. 38/MBrother, I'm 38/m, two kids, similar story to you except stbx hasn't openly left for AP. The advice here is gold, file and move on. Its the only way you'll gain some respect back is if she knows the door is closed and you stand up to her this way. Like others said, she will only do it again in the future, this is who she is when times get tough. Dm if you need some support. I'm almost to the D and moving on very soon and can't wait. | /r/Divorce_Men | 12/11/22 05:56 PM |
| 1 | Post D Rebuilding - Did anyone take up a physical sport or fighting sport to help with confidence?Awesome post man ill definitely reach out this weekend!! I'm definitely interested in a combat sport, I think its something i have plenty of fuel for it lol!!! All joking aside I think its something that could definitely help build the confidence back too. | /r/Divorce_Men | 12/11/22 01:39 AM |
| 3 | What does it mean to you to "become a better man" ?Copied and pasted this on my wall. Awesome reply and exactly how I feel about this topic! | /r/Divorce_Men | 09/11/22 02:14 PM |
| 1 | Almost 40, almost D, where to from here.Me too! I don't get it man, what twice divorced old guy wants to be a stepfather to two small kids as well???? It's COMPLETELY stupid. | /r/Divorce_Men | 05/11/22 10:21 AM |
| 1 | Almost 40, almost D, where to from here.s 10 times, when i divorced my ex wife i was finally free, happy, kicking ass in a lot of thing 2nd time not so good? | /r/Divorce_Men | 02/11/22 06:31 PM |
| 3 | Getting the snipLate 30s and got it done after my kids were born because the stbx and I agreed we were done. She wasn't stbx at the time but in retrospect I'm glad I got it done, now I have little worries about the future. I am done with kids, love the two I have but the 1st few years are tough and I don't want to do it again. Went in on Friday evening, back to work on Monday with minimal pain. Well worth it. | /r/Divorce_Men | 02/11/22 05:59 PM |
| 2 | Almost 40, almost D, where to from here.I have been very realistic with thinking about the future, a woman with kids is not necessarily a deal breaker (other friends of mine who D'ed have this going and like it), but any relationship of that nature has to be with a woman who has healthily dealt with their past issues and looking for the right reason to be with me and vice versa. I will say my radar will be highly tuned against someone just "looking for a way out of their mess", I fully realize there is a lot of that out there and yea,… | /r/Divorce_Men | 01/11/22 01:01 PM |
| 2 | Almost 40, almost D, where to from here.I know, I burned it into my eyeballs. Good stuff!!! | /r/Divorce_Men | 01/11/22 01:04 AM |
| 1 | Almost 40, almost D, where to from here.I hear on the "doing a number to your self esteem" thing, especially when it comes out of nowhere. Good suggestion on the "meaningful connections", that sounds about right. As for children, yup, I'm good with my two and have the snip, that ship has sailed. Thanks for the good comments man! | /r/Divorce_Men | 31/10/22 04:47 PM |
| 24 | My wife realizes she is going to lose the divorce she filed for. Can she withdraw it?I would echo what everyone else is saying. She filed thinking she'd do you in and didn't think or plan for the contingencies. If the shoe was on the other foot she would have crushed you. Poor choices have consequences, either compromise or go for it all my man. | /r/Divorce_Men | 31/10/22 04:12 PM |
| 2 | Almost 40, almost D, where to from here.I did happen to see this when cruising through another thread, seems like solid advice. Crazy to think my stbx thinks she is going to cruise onto the 2nd marriage of her dreams without a break from me. I guess that is party of the delusion. | /r/Divorce_Men | 31/10/22 03:52 PM |
| 2 | Almost 40, almost D, where to from here.Thanks man and good advice. I have been doing IC since the start of learning of the stbx's affair, originally we both went but she wasn't communicating with the therapist so I told her not to bother. Instead, I've been using it to heal and learn about myself and it's been great. I just don't want to bring the same crap into anything else in the future. Better women eh? | /r/Divorce_Men | 31/10/22 02:59 PM |
| 2 | Almost 40, almost D, where to from here.Hmm I didn't think of this angle, this is good to know. Short term, my focus will be rebuilding and being independent. I don't discount finding another "right one" but it will be a while. I definitely want to make myself right so I don't repeat the same mistakes. | /r/Divorce_Men | 31/10/22 01:52 PM |
| 2 | Almost 40, almost D, where to from here.Eh I know it's gonna be a numbers game but yea, my threshold for games will be low and I won't be afraid to move onto the next. Well, I never thought having a vasectomy would come in handy this way but it makes sense. Last thing I need is someone to see me as an ATM and baby trap me. Let's be honest, this age is critical for women, especially single mothers so glad I can save myself the headache. | /r/Divorce_Men | 31/10/22 01:46 PM |
| 2 | Almost 40, almost D, where to from here.I've heard this before about men/women and when their prime is. I honestly feel much more confident than when I was in my 20's and now I have the resources to boot. Have to wonder if my stbx has any inkling that her stock won't trade so well (divorced, kids, cheater, speeding toward 40) whereas my outlook is much more positive. I got to imagine there will be some serious jealousy involved in the future. | /r/Divorce_Men | 31/10/22 12:46 PM |
| 1 | Almost 40, almost D, where to from here.Yea kind of. What are the kids using these days on that ol internet box to meet a fair maiden? | /r/Divorce_Men | 31/10/22 11:54 AM |
| 2 | Almost 40, almost D, where to from here.Already ahead of you on the weights. Started hitting the gym at lunch at work and it has been paying dividends. I should have never stopped but it has been a major confidence booster and outlet for some of my anger. My goal is to be semi-shredded or at least looking good the day my stbx decides to post on FB about her and old man balls AP after the D Best revenge is living well ! | /r/Divorce_Men | 31/10/22 11:34 AM |
| 3 | Almost 40, almost D, where to from here.Step 1: Done! I actually got it last year as the stbx was worried about having another kid and I thought it would recharge things. Low and behold, nope..... So I want to get my monies worth out of this moving forward. I am worried about having to weed through all the crazy but all part of the game. As for kids, a buddy once told me that being almost 40 and not having kids is a bigger red flag for women than not. Response is great man, thank you! Just looking to get some confidence back, this is … | /r/Divorce_Men | 31/10/22 11:32 AM |
| 2 | Almost 40, almost D, where to from here.You and I have similar stories too, becoming quiet and at home and putting the wife's needs 1st. Live and learn my man! Good luck on the mediation, I'm a few days away too! | /r/Divorce_Men | 31/10/22 11:27 AM |
| 4 | Almost 40, almost D, where to from here.Man, I see a lot of similarities in our stories even though you are "ahead" of me. Reading this gave me some extra motivation, I really was thinking the same thing as what you said. This is a chance to re-invent. I really did feel like I got in a rut with my stbx, she is a huge homebody, doesn't like people over and I always felt guilty about dude's nights, etc. I also wanted to take her to Europe to see where I went to study and she was adamant as she thought I'd "spend too much time with frien… | /r/Divorce_Men | 31/10/22 11:25 AM |
| 6 | Almost 40, almost D, where to from here.I learned the lesson about time a couple years back, was working to be able to throttle back in a few years but the D may set me back a little but ill get back there! Sounds like you and I have the same priorities though, good luck man!!!! | /r/Divorce_Men | 31/10/22 12:48 AM |
| 13 | Almost 40, almost D, where to from here.I think the remarriage ship has sailed. Short term goals are to rebuild some wealth lost from the D, get into a new place and make it my own, get into fantastic shape and enjoy life especially with my kids. I want to make some awesome memories with them! Hahah hobosexual, that term is fantastic! | /r/Divorce_Men | 31/10/22 12:25 AM |
| 5 | Almost 40, almost D, where to from here.That is the plan, my stbx keeps asking to be friends but I said she hasnt earned it with her affair. I fully intend to enjoy my freedom, get some toys and start living again! | /r/Divorce_Men | 31/10/22 12:21 AM |
© TheRedArchive 2026. All rights reserved.
created by /u/dream-hunter