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jimsmythee Archive

View 4 posts and 2,079 comments by jimsmythee on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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1

I waited until after I told my exwife I wanted out. But due to financial reasons we couldn’t split up yet. My exwife wanted to start dating as well, so I said “go for it.” I started casually dating. Spending as much time either at work, alone with the kids, or out on dates. But the situation became untenable with her pill popping disasters. So as soon as she got out of jail for yet another great big dui crash, I fold for divorce. It was after that, when I actually landed a girlfriend.
/r/Divorce_Men27/07/26 07:38 PM
5

My advice? Make your divorce plan of action and start today. No need to separate. Just file for divorce. Your marriage is over. Get your finances in order. Get answers out of her. What is she expecting in custody? Finances? House? Assets? Debts? If she won't give you answers? Then file anyway and make your best post-divorce life.
/r/Divorce_Men26/07/26 05:24 PM
2

She hasn't been driving in 18 months now. In 2024 (long post divorce), she totaled not 1 but 2 cars that year.
/r/Divorce_Men20/07/26 02:24 AM
2

I had to tell them the PG / PG13 version. Their mom is a pill popper. A drug addict to narcotics, muscle relaxers, mood stabilizers, and sleeping pills. She had one stint in drug rehab when we were together, another stint in rehab 18 months post divorce. She's totaled every car she's ever driven. She pops pills and then crashes. Multiple DUI's and 2 overnighter's in jail. I tell the kids the sanitized version. They were 6-8 years old when I had enough. My last straw was yet another great big DUI…
/r/Divorce_Men20/07/26 12:33 AM
15

This what my exwife wanted; She was too sick to work, so she wanted 50% of my take home pay in alimony because she said she's "too sick to work." She wanted full custody of the kids to maximize CS $'s. She wanted 50% of my 401k. She wanted 50% of the equity in my separate and sole property house. She wanted me to pay $500/month for her to get a commercial health insurance plan. She wanted 50% of the equity in my car, but the loan to buy the car was "all on Jim" because she didn't sign off on tha…
/r/Divorce_Men20/07/26 12:26 AM
3

My exwife wanted me to pay for a life insurance policy to cover her alimony and child support demands in case I either died or became disabled. She "needs those payments!" because she was arguing that she was too sick to work. In the end, the judge gave her $0 alimony and very minimal CS $'s because we have 50/50 custody. And her request for the life insurance was also denied.
/r/Divorce_Men14/07/26 11:32 PM
2

I met some women here and there in real life, not on apps. But the same holds true. Walk away from the crazies.
/r/Divorce_Men14/07/26 11:27 PM
11

I did meet my wife version 2.0 on a dating app. But women are like used cars at a dealership. Don’t be afraid to walk away from a bad deal. Women that aren’t local? Scammers. Women that won’t meet in real life after a week of chatting? Time wasters. Or too skittish. Then weed out the drunks, the pill poppers, the pot heads and the princesses. Then weed out the “rescue me girls.” The ones in bad financial situations due to doing stupid things.
/r/Divorce_Men14/07/26 06:22 PM
1

I had the similar situation. No one believed me that after our second kid was born, how my now exwife became a drug addict. Hooked on narcotics, muscle relaxers, mood stabilizers and sleeping pills: she refused to work. Everyone had an excuse to give me. If she would crash? “That’s why you have car insurance.” The fits of screaming rage when she would run out of narcotics? “She’s just a passionate person. And she’s in pain.” The bat shit crazy behavior? “You’re exaggerating!” It took me leaving …
/r/Divorce_Men13/07/26 03:27 AM
10

Wow, you got shanked in court. My exwife started out with her list of demands. She's a pill popper who refused to work. She wanted full custody of our (at the time) young daughters to maximize CS $'s. She wanted 50% of my take home pay in alimony. She wanted 50% of the equity in my separate and sole property house. She wanted 50% of my 401k. Regarding my car (she had no car because of her great big DUI crash), she wanted 50% of the value, but the loan to buy the car was "all on Jim" because she …
/r/Divorce_Men11/07/26 02:52 AM
2

I got divorced in AZ. Divorced here go fast. 11-30 she got served. 12-14 temporary orders meeting with judge. 12-28. Mediation (paid by the state, went nowhere) 1-13 trial date set. Her lawyer couldn’t make it. 3-25 new trial date set. 3 hour trial. 5-28 divorce decree in hand. I got everything I wanted at trial. The family court judge? Well, she just hated my exwife. Admonished her for refusing to work.
/r/Divorce_Men09/07/26 03:40 AM
15

It was terrible... I used 90% online dating apps. 10% women I met through work, etc. You have to do a lot of weeding. Weed out the time wasters. Those are the ones too skittish to go out on dates. Also weed out the scammers. Weed out the drunks, the pill poppers, the pot heads and the princesses. Weed out the churchees. The ones who go out on dates for the sole purpose of telling you how much they love their church. Weed out the "Rescue me" women. The ones that are in horrible financial straits …
/r/Divorce_Men04/07/26 02:52 PM
9

Best thing you can do is ignore him. Alpha males need to be noticed. They hate it when they get ignored. If you ignore everything he says? Only talk to your exwife and your children. He will get so mad and stamp his little feet. Sure you can punch him. He wants that. She wants that. Why? Because he will immediately call the police. You lose custody. She gets maximum CS dollars.
/r/Divorce_Men02/07/26 08:00 PM
1

Calculate it at garage sale prices. When I split with my exwife, there was the household furniture. It was all 11 years old. The couch and loveseat were mildly stained. The king size mattress? Yeah, the one from Hellraiser was in better condition. Include dining room and end tables, etc. All told it was $2100 new. But it was used and 11 years later. Value? Zero. She wanted to include it in the settlement - that I would pay her $2100 and keep that old furniture. I said, "no, it has no value." So …
/r/Divorce_Men01/07/26 11:00 PM
2

It was the fact that she was refusing to work. In AZ, both parents are expected to work full time. She figured if she refused to work, saying she was “too sick to work” that the judge would take pity on her. The judge didn’t. Also regarding custody, she wanted full custody to be a SAHM, and that way would get maximum CS $’s. The judge gave us 50/50 custody and gave her an imputed income of minimum wage 40 hours.
/r/Divorce_Men01/07/26 01:56 PM
11

Same here! Right about the time the divorce was finalized, my exwife met some guy. By second date it was true love. Two weeks later he moved in. Luckily I have 50/50 custody of our 2 daughters. He was just there, he wasn't a dad. He had his own daughter. He was good in the sense that my daughters didn't like him all that much. He was just living there. My daughters absolutely loved his daughter, as she was this "cool big sister type". After a year of living together, they got married. 6 months l…
/r/Divorce_Men30/06/26 09:53 PM
1

Unless you're in a state that says "cheaters don't get alimony"? Just leave it alone. Why? Because it will end up costing you, not her. #1 In a no-fault divorce, the courts won't care. #2. The lawyers won't care. #3. It won't have any effect on the money situation.
/r/Divorce_Men30/06/26 09:38 PM
1

Due to financial reasons, I couldn’t split with her. So I just into the spare bedroom. First we got sued from one of many DUI crashes. No defense to it and no way to pay it. We took the default judgment and then filed for bankruptcy. While waiting for the bankruptcy to be done? She got pinched on yet another great big DUI. So I waited until she took the conviction and did her jail time. Then I filed for divorce and moved out, All I can say is “boundaries.” I stopped anything for her.
/r/Divorce_Men29/06/26 07:53 PM
2

My exwife refused to work. After 2 kids and 5 years, she became a pill popper. Her full time job was getting more and more pills each day. That's why the $0 alimony was such a major win.
/r/Divorce_Men29/06/26 01:11 AM
6

I went to mediation too. Both the mediator and my exwife tag teamed me into basically signing away everything. The mediator actually said “only a horrible person would take the children away from the loving arms of their mother.” That was me trying to get 50/50 custody. In the end, as we left, I realized I didn’t sign it. I was still a free man. I tossed it in the trash and texted my wife “see you at trial!” My exwife submitted that mediation agreement as a “partially signed mediation agreement.…
/r/Divorce_Men27/06/26 12:59 PM
7

My exwife tried that with my kids. When we were getting divorced, I had to move out for awhile for the sake of keeping the peace for our two daughters, 6 and 8 at the time. But the house is my separate and sole property. So instead of getting a job and getting her own place. Exwife told the kids “daddy is trying to take our house away and leave us homeless.” My youngest asked me about it the next day. I told them both, “this is my house. I work hard at my job to pay for this house. No matter wha…
/r/Divorce_Men19/06/26 02:50 PM
3

I ran into the same. Guess what? Courts will not care.
/r/Divorce_Men18/06/26 02:26 PM
2

I still have nightmares that my exwife and I reconciled. One version is that we are together again. She’s high as a kite and we have lost everything and had to move in with her parents. And her dad is giving me the “make better choices” speech. Even though it is his daughter’s drug addiction that caused us to lose everything.
/r/Divorce_Men17/06/26 03:04 PM
4

My ex-MIL suggested we go to marriage counseling. Because she knew that if I split up with my exwife, her daughter would come to live with her and make her life hell with the pill popping disasters. We didn’t even make it to one session. Exwife demands that I not mention her great big DUI crashes. Not mention her fits of screaming rage when she would run out of narcotics. Apparently 100% of our marriage problems were cause by me. So I went to see the therapist without her. By session #3 my thera…
/r/Divorce_Men15/06/26 07:40 PM
2

Best thing that I could have done. Exwife is an addict to pills and all of the disasters -- great big DUI crashes. Best thing financially. I got out. $0 alimony. I kept my house and my car. Only thing she got was 50% of my 401k, because it is a marital asset. While married to her, each week was a struggle to keep our heads above water while tethered to a boat anchor. Best thing emotionally. I got 50/50 custody of our 2 daughters. We go on vacations together. We do homework together. Movies. Lunc…
/r/Divorce_Men13/06/26 02:35 AM
2

Yes that is true - IF she left that 401k money alone and saved it. But drugs addicts don’t save for tomorrow. They live for today. In ONE year, she had burned through it all and had nothing to show for it. It was spent on a luxury rental house. It was spent on vacations. Eating out for dinners that cost $100+. She bought the kids uncomfortable clothes they never wore. Day trips every weekend. She got remarried and once the money was gone? So was he. In the end she had a massive tax bill for the …
/r/Divorce_Men12/06/26 02:44 PM
6

I did. The house is my separate and sole property. But I needed to pay her back 50% of the mortgage reduction from date of marriage until date of separation. My exwife wanted 50% equity, but the judge said “no, separate and sole property.” The just allowed me to use 401k funds to pay her because I owed her 50% of my 401k. So yeah my 401k took a major hit, but I kept my house. And she didn’t realize that 401k $’s are pre tax dollars. So she had a massive tax hit that year.
/r/Divorce_Men12/06/26 01:07 AM
3

This is lawyer territory. Most states will base your CS obligations on your 40 hour work week. That the ability to work a second job doesn’t factor in. But greedy spouses will try to get CS based on all income.
/r/Divorce_Men10/06/26 05:07 PM
4

While I was married to my now exwife? She was the one to lead her friends to divorce. She convinced her friend "A" to divorce her husband of 2 years. Because "you can do so much better". She didn't do "so much better". She lives in a trailer now. She convinced her friend "M" to divorce her husband of 12 years. Because "You deserve so much more." The divorce alienated her children from her. And when I divorced my exwife? She fulfilled her own prophecy. She didn't do any better. Ended up having to…
/r/Divorce_Men08/06/26 11:48 PM
17

This is lawyer territory. Not do-it-yourself. Lawyer needs to file a “non paternity event” to dis-establish paternity. If you don’t, the family court would be more than happy to assign to you child support for the next 18 years for a kid that ain’t yours.
/r/Divorce_Men08/06/26 03:39 PM
5

People don’t change…. She will go back to being ungodly… In my experience, my exwife was, and still is, a pill popper. And all of the disasters that go with it- great big DUI crashes. I divorced her. And once she met a new guy and it was true love? She stopped using pills (not completely). After a year they got married. And once that happened? She went whole hog back on those pills. 6 months later he had the good nature to leave her.
/r/Divorce_Men03/06/26 08:10 PM
3

Going to be honest here. Get Out Now. Don't put it off. Get her on Medicaid and let the chips fall where they may. Why? Because she's not going to get any better. She is only to get worse. My exwife was, and still is, a pill popper with a host of personal and psychological problems. Her addictions have driven me away, her friends away, and most of her family away. I divorced her when the kids were still young. If I had stayed? Her disasters would have cost me everything. She did go to rehab twic…
/r/Divorce_Men02/06/26 10:09 PM
5

It was her final great big DUI crash. This time the kids were in the car with her when she crashed while driving high as a kite on pills. Kids were all banged up with black eyes and goose egg bruises. That day, I developed my plan to get out. I waited. And waited. And then the state charged her for that DUI. She ended up losing her license for 2 years, one day in jail, and $7500 in DUI fines. She also refused to work. She also had put $3k on her dad’s credit card to pay for a dui atty. She did h…
/r/Divorce_Men02/06/26 03:15 PM
3

In AZ divorces with children, the state requires and pays for free mediation. So the couple can agree on anything / everything / nothing. So the judge doesn’t have to. For me? Mediation went nowhere. Not unless I was going to give up every last dime; past, present and future. Not unless I was going to give up the kids. Not unless I was going to give up my house. Everything to her. So we had to go to trial. Our judge rejected all of my exwife’s claims as having “no merit” or being “incredulous” o…
/r/Divorce_Men02/06/26 02:37 PM
2

Same here. I left my wife after 11 years of marriage because of her addiction to pills and all of her disasters (great big DUI crashes). She refused to work, as getting more and more pills was her full time job. Our daughters were 6 and 8 when she got served divorce papers. I fought for and got 50/50 custody. I fought for and got $0 alimony for her. I kept my house and my car. She got half of my 401k. That was it. My post divorce life has been great. Got remarried, kids like their new step mom. …
/r/Divorce_Men02/06/26 12:18 AM
2

My exwife used to do that. If she knew I was out on a date she would have these disasters. “Need you to come home for the sake of the kids.” Always had my Rolodex of reasons why… “I’m on the other side of town.” Even if I was just a few miles away. “I’ve been drinking.” I don’t really drink. “I’m out of town.” Blah blah blah.
/r/Divorce_Men28/05/26 12:32 AM
1

There’s no legal aid at all whatsoever for fathers. So that will go bust. Low cost California attorneys? They don’t exist. Basically what to do? Represent yourself. But also know one thing. If the judge appoints a GAL for the kid? They’ll hand you the bill for the GAL’s outrageous billable hours so the GAL can put their own agenda of “mother gets full custody.” Hate to say it, but in family court, sometimes there is no way to win.
/r/Divorce_Men26/05/26 08:58 PM
3

It is sadly 100% true. It’s family court. And mothers can do no wrong in family court.
/r/Divorce_Men26/05/26 07:50 PM
6

I had an AZ divorce. It is supposed to be 50/50 unless there is a compelling reason not to be 50/50. In my divorce, my exwife was trying to get me to have visitation only. Because she argued “it’s best for our daughters.” Only way I could sway the judge? I provided evidence of my ex wife’s recent conviction and jail time for “DUI with kids in the car” for when she crashed while driving high as a kite on pills. That’s what it took…. Because if I was the with that DUI? I would have gotten supervis…
/r/Divorce_Men26/05/26 05:00 PM
3

I remember when I was in the process of divorcing my now exwife. She demanded / screamed at me that I needed to put her name on the house. It was my separate and sole property. And she signed a deed disclaimer on it. I flat out told her, “why on earth would o do something that stupid?” Then she said “it doesn’t matter. I want my name on the house!” Fast forward… I never put her name on the house and I kept it through the divorce.
/r/Divorce_Men26/05/26 12:25 AM
14

It's called Goal Posting. If he will agree to xxx and yyy, she says ok, "let's go". And then she says, "well, if he will agree to xxx and yyy? Then he'll probably agree to zzz as well." And then if you agree to xxx, yyy, and zzz? She will say, "Then he will agree to xxx, yyy, zzz, and aaa!" Lather, rise and repeat. My exwife tried that trick at mediation. I didn't fall for it. I said "See you at trial." I did way better at trial
/r/Divorce_Men23/05/26 09:57 PM
12

My finances improved dramatically one I was no longer married to her.. Before the split, each week was a desperate time, struggling to keep our heads above water while tethered to a boat anchor. Each week was some new financial disaster of hers. Once we were split up and fully divorced? My finances were awesome. Each month there was money left over. Each month was less stress than the month before.
/r/Divorce_Men23/05/26 01:13 AM
9

Your STBXW probably got coached by my exwife. She shot the moon in her out of this world demands. She wanted 50% of my take home pay in alimony. Because she was “too sick to work.” 50% of the equity in my separate and sole property house. Me to have visitation only of our two kids to maximize CS $’s. Me to pay $500/ month for her to get a commercial health insurance plan so she could continue doctor shopping. She wants 50% of the equity in my car, but the loan to buy the car was “all on Jim” bec…
/r/Divorce_Men20/05/26 12:01 AM
1

My daughter's school had that exact same thing in first grade. And yes, my exwife tried to send her boyfriend to it. I texted her, "nope." My exwife was desperately trying to make her boyfriend into "the new stepdad." And it failed miserably.
/r/Divorce_Men16/05/26 12:27 AM
3

Unfortunately, once there's a GAL involved? It's game-over, man, game over. They charge you the outrageous fees for the GAL, and then the GAL believes whatever the other side tells them, in order to perpetuate their own agenda. Sorry man. It's game over.
/r/Divorce_Men15/05/26 11:46 PM
11

I sometimes wake up in a cold sweat that I’m remarried, or still married to my exwife.
/r/Divorce_Men15/05/26 05:21 PM
8

My exwife said the same thing. She wanted more money because she deserves it. She deserves a nice house. She deserves a nice car. I told her “the only thing you deserve is to eat a steady diet of government cheese, and live in a van down by the river.” She didn’t get the reference. Joke wasted.
/r/Divorce_Men12/05/26 08:04 PM
2

I’m the one who filed. Our two daughters were 6 and 8 when I filed. I had to do it. After our second was born, she became an addict. She was, and still is, a pill popper. Addicted to narcotics, muscle relaxers, mood stabilizers, and sleeping pills. Include daily disasters like Multiple great big DUI crashes. Final one the kids were in the car when she crashed. Her behavior on those pills involved her going into screaming fits of rage when she would run out of narcotics. Or she’d be passed out on…
/r/Divorce_Men04/05/26 01:37 AM
14

My now ex-wife and I were pressured to go to marriage counselling because of my now-ex-MIL. She knew that if we split up, her daughter would end up living with her, making her life hell with her addictions to pills. My exwife picked out a counselor of her choosing and we had a quick phone interview. But before we even made it to 1 session, my exwife told that I was NOT to mention her addiction to pills. I was NOT to mention her great big DUI crashes. And I was most certainly NOT to mention her f…
/r/Divorce_Men24/04/26 03:35 AM
1

At first? I was the worst POS out there. Their daughter, my now exwife, had just gotten convicted on yet another DUI. This time the kids were in the car when she crashed while driving high as a kite on pills. She refused to work, as getting more and more pills was her full time job. She had $7500 in DUI fines and then a $3000 loan to her parents for the DUI attorney -- I told her to take the public defender. Anyway, right after she got out of jail, I filed for divorce and moved out. Her mom went…
/r/Divorce_Men23/04/26 11:59 PM
2

My exwife wasn't a drinker. She only got drunk a few times a year, socially. But when she did drink? She would drink to get drunk - throwing up all over herself kind of drunk. Yeah, good times! I divorced her due to her addictions to pills and all of the disasters they caused.
/r/Divorce_Men23/04/26 11:25 PM
1

My exwife didn't come back. Not even after her re-marriage ended in re-divorce after 6 months of "wedded bliss." I was already re-married to my current wife. But her mother, my ex-MIL, had high hopes though. After her new husband left her, she had to move back home and make her mother's life a living hell with her pill popping disasters. Our kids overheard their grandma saying something along the lines of "too bad he's remarried. They could get back together." NEVER!
/r/Divorce_Men23/04/26 10:18 PM
3

No. She met him after I filed for divorce and moved out. I filed for divorce because of her addictions to pills and all of her disasters.
/r/Divorce_Men16/04/26 06:34 PM
15

It was like when I was fully divorced and I still keep in contact with tact with her because our two daughters are young. So I was at work and she texted me that she was getting married to her boyfriend. I laughed so hard I nearly blew coffee out of my nose. Who would be dumb as to marry her? She’s a pill popper with no drivers license (too many DUI’s), no job, etc. Three weeks later they had a backyard ceremony. “My magical day” she called it. 6 months later he left her. I laughed so hard again…
/r/Divorce_Men15/04/26 01:30 AM
2

The answer is “yes.” Because you are still legally linked to her? If she gets in some great big wreck, they’ll come after the deepest pockets. I know this from personal experience. Exwife would get high on pills and get behind the wheel and then have great big DUI crashes. She refused to work, as getting more and more pills was her full time job. So one crash she took out her car, another car, and then a Lexus SUV. They sued her and “John Doe husband.” We had no defense to it and no way to pay i…
/r/Divorce_Men14/04/26 01:41 PM
4

It’s family court. I fought for 50/50 custody. What did it take for me to get 50/50 custody? I had to submit evidence of her recent conviction and jail time for “DUI with kids in the car” for when she crashed her car while driving high as a kite on pills. Mothers can do no wrong in family court. Anyway, fight as hard as you can for 50/50 custody. Because after the decree is in place? Courts are very hesitant to alter custody schedules and parenting time because “it it ain’t broke, don’t fix it.”
/r/Divorce_Men04/04/26 01:24 PM
6

It’s been almost 10 years when I first split with my exwife. Kids were 6 and 8 at the time. She wanted every last dime, past present and future. Her goal was to leave me destitute, working 3 jobs and living in a rented room. Sending every last dime to her so she didn’t have to work (too sick to work) and never being able to see my kids. Outcome? Divorce went heavily in my favor. 50/50 custody, $0 alimony and I kept all of my assets. She got half of my 401k and that was it. We still co-parent. Bu…
/r/Divorce_Men03/04/26 01:00 PM
5

My exwife did the same thing. She found out that her visions of a post-divorce life of vacations and a new husband staying a SAHM weren’t going to happen. The house was my house. Separate and sole property. She told the kids “daddy is going to take our house away from us and leave us homeless.” My youngest, 6 at the time asked me about it. I told her that the three of us(me, her and her 8 year old sister) would never be homeless. That this is my house, and I work hard at my job to pay for it. We…
/r/Divorce_Men02/04/26 06:25 PM
7

I have been split from my exwife for almost 10 years. I still have nightmares where I wake up and we are still married. Then my new wife consoles me that it was just a bad dream.
/r/Divorce_Men01/04/26 03:39 PM
1

I used to get those all of the time from my exwife. One time I had her on speakerphone and she was saying hurtful things about my new wife. To point that our daughter ran out of the room crying. A week later she called back and she denied “ever saying that.” I said “I had you on speakerphone.” Her reply? Don’t have me on speakerphone!” And I said “what about your text messages? Don’t share those too?”
/r/Divorce_Men30/03/26 05:25 PM
6

That was my exwife to a tee. She played the “so sick” card and painted me as the awful guy who abandoned her and the kids in her hour of need. Really? She’s a pill popper and all of the disasters that follow. But yes I did abandon her. Not the kids. I got 50/50 custody.
/r/Divorce_Men24/03/26 04:46 PM
2

I should have paid more attention to her bizarre pill popping addictions. She kept gas lighting me into believing she had medical problems and that she would die without those pills. In time I did see her for what she was; a common run of the mill drug addict.
/r/Divorce_Men24/03/26 01:14 AM
3

I so much wish my exwife had your self reflection. She, to this day, is convinced that 100% of the marital problems were all me.
/r/Divorce_Men21/03/26 02:24 PM
3

You have two options. You keep the dogs if you want to keep them. Have her sign a bill of sale stating that they’re now your dogs. But be warned she will hold it over your head that at any moment in the future, she will say, “but they’re my dogs. I want them.” More cans of worms. If you don’t want to keep the dogs. Tell her “ok. You have 2 weeks to figure it out. Or I’m giving them away, or taking to a shelter.” Then follow up again and say, “these are your two options. Either you take the dogs.…
/r/Divorce_Men20/03/26 04:46 PM
3

You would have to take her to small claims court. Family court will not help.
/r/Divorce_Men20/03/26 04:41 PM
2

I always felt that honesty was the best answer. So when I was newly split up from my now exwife, all I had to say to any prospective woman I was dating was that, “she hurt the kids in her great big DUI crash.” And I had the pics of my daughter with two black eyes and a great big goose egg bruise. My exwife, on the other hand, felt that lying was the best course of action. So she told everyone I was gay and dating a man.
/r/Divorce_Men19/03/26 11:45 PM
1

In my divorce, I lost 50% of my 401k. That was expected. She was a SAHM whose only job was going to doctors to get more and more pills The house is my separate and sole property. She got 50% of the “mortgage reduction from date of marriage to date of separation”. It was like 10% equity. That was it. She wanted every last dime - pat present and future. She wanted alimony, full custody, me to take on her DUI fines, etc. just rejected it all.
/r/Divorce_Men18/03/26 03:17 PM
3

I got divorced in AZ. And that gift of the down payment from her father to a house titled in both names. That down payment is “a gift to the marital community.”
/r/Divorce_Men17/03/26 05:18 PM
2

Going to be honest here. Courts will not care one iota about cheating. Courts will not care about your injuries from 3 years ago, They’ll just do a 50/50 split of all assets and be done with it.
/r/Divorce_Men13/03/26 11:45 AM
1

What’s even worse? Our oldest daughter wasn’t even buckled in the back seat. She ended up with 2 black eyes and a big goose egg bruise on her forehead. Youngest daughter was in her 6 point car seat, so she was ok, just shaken from the crash.
/r/Divorce_Men12/03/26 01:15 AM
1

It’s family court. AZ is supposed to be a 50/50 custody state. But mothers can do no wrong in family courts I was fighting for 50/50 custody. Seems logical. What did I have to do to get 50/50 custody? I had to submit evidence of my now ex wife’s recent conviction and jail time for “DUI with kids in the car” when she crashed while driving high as a kite on pills. My lawyer said “that’s family court. Just be thankful the situation was reversed. You’d have gotten supervised visitation only.”
/r/Divorce_Men11/03/26 09:10 PM
1

The deal is it is going to be less about your lawyer and more about you. Divorce is all about custody and money. Feelings mean nothing. AZ is a 50/50 custody state now. So don’t try to get more than 50%. Just do the 5-2-2-5 schedule. If you can’t handle that, be honest. Retirement accounts? Just split down the middle. I got divorced in AZ. I kept emotion out of it. I had a cheap lawyer in Mesa. He moved out of state a few years back. But he was honest in why to expect and that no one in the cour…
/r/Divorce_Men11/03/26 08:59 PM
2

In AZ, there's mandatory free mediation offered by the county, so the couple and decide on anything/somethings/nothing-at-all so the judge doesn't have to decide. I went there. The mediator and my exwife both ganged up on me. Exwife would say, "If you agree to xxxx, I will agree to yyyy." So the mediator would say, "jim, do you agree to xxxx?" I would say "Yes" and the mediator typed it into the computer. Then the mediator would say to my exwife, "Do you agree to yyyy?" And my exwife would say, …
/r/Divorce_Men10/03/26 12:03 AM
2

Fix the court system that says “mothers can do no wrong.” I divorced my pill popper exwife. Two kids. I had to show evidence of her conviction for “dui with kids in the car” and jail for when she got into yet another great big DUI crash. Hurting the kids in a DUI crash? That swung the pendulum in my favor and only with that, could I get 50/50 custody. My lawyer said “it’s family court. Just be glad you weren’t the one with a conviction for that. You would have gotten supervised visitation only.”
/r/Divorce_Men27/02/26 09:01 PM
7

Same here. But my exwife got addicted to pills and then the disasters when she would get behind the wheel and crash. Getting more and more pills was her job. She got yet another DUI and this time the kids were in the car when she crashed. Kids were all banged up. Once she got out of jail I filed for divorce. I refused to pay on her DUI fines, so she put the monthly payment on her dad’s credit card. Her mom found out and they both forced her to get a job. She worked 6 weeks until she got fired. A…
/r/Divorce_Men27/02/26 08:58 PM
4

My Ex-wife's lawyer. He filled her head with visions of a post-divorce lifestyle of luxury. Her getting full custody. Her keeping the house. Me paying all of her bills forever. Lifetime alimony. Maximum Child support. Me having to take out a life insurance policy so that if anything happened to me, the payments would still be made. Leaving me destitute, working 3 jobs, never seeing my kids, and sending every last dime to her. He let her use him as her therapist as she endlessly drolled on about …
/r/Divorce_Men25/02/26 12:55 AM
2

My now exwife told me that she didn't have a problem with pills. I laughed so hard. I said, "You have no drivers license due to your great big DUI crashes. You've been to jail. You have been to rehab. Your addiction counselor gave up on you. Your addiction-meetings sponsor gave up on you. Your second addiction-meetings sponsor gave up on you. You leave a string of disasters when you take pills."
/r/Divorce_Men25/02/26 12:41 AM
15

Hell no. This is a SCAM she's trying to pull. You'll be busted down to "Legally no even visitation". She gets every night, so she gets all the money. Fast forward 2 months post divorce finalization? She will legally keep you from the kids.
/r/Divorce_Men25/02/26 12:34 AM
4

Number one- keep yourself out of jail. She has shown her true colors. She will not hesitate to file a contempt of court filing against you.
/r/Divorce_Men23/02/26 07:52 PM
5

Caveat - I did get remarried 7 years ago. All is good. So I told the kids that my girlfriend and I are getting married. They like her. All is good. Youngest kid had a birthday at a pizza place. We all went there: exwife, her new husband, kids, friends, etc. The exwife heard from her sister that my girlfriend had an engagement ring on. The next day the exwife said “is that a ring on her finger?” I said yes. She asked if I told the kids. I said “yeah. 6 weeks ago.” Exwife blew up. Daughters 8 & 10…
/r/Divorce_Men18/02/26 04:44 PM
10

Do not sign. You’ll end up on the loan but not on the title. Or something else gawd awful.
/r/Divorce_Men17/02/26 09:38 PM
5

My exwife did too. Except she said that the reason I filed for divorce was that I was gay and dating man. Not because she’s a pill popper with multiple DUI’s and hurt the kids in a DUI crash. Nope. It was because I was gay. So it got back to our 2 young daughters. I said “hell no.” So me and the daughters met up with this mystery woman I was dating. She was most definitely a woman. A big busty woman who had birthed 3 children. Well, that got back to my exwife. She called me up screaming at me. I…
/r/Divorce_Men12/02/26 03:42 PM
1

Same thing here when I was divorcing my pill popping exwife. Everything I did? It was wrong. No matter what, everything was feeble and malicious. She had a recent DUI conviction and jail time because the kids were in the car when she crashed. Issue? It’s my fault. I fought (and won) for 50/50 custody of our daughters. Feeble. Because I didn’t want to pay her. And I was stealing the children away from the loving arms of their mother. I fought (and won) for $0 alimony. She was just refusing to wor…
/r/Divorce_Men05/02/26 06:02 PM
3

I did. I made out like a bandit in divorce trial. It’s been a few years. My daughters and I have grown very close. They like their new stepmom.
/r/Divorce_Men31/01/26 05:25 PM
10

With my exwife. She needs to control things. To look out for number 1, no matter the cost, no matter who gets hurt in the process. She got a DUI with our kids in the car. We were bankrupt, and I told her to get the public defender. She got a loan from her parents for $3k to get a DUI atty. she still got convicted. She demanded I get a second job to pay it. I filed for divorce instead. They got stuck with that lawyer bill. We had to go to trial because mediation went nowhere. She made a list of d…
/r/Divorce_Men29/01/26 01:36 PM
3

Our daughters were 6 and 8 when I filed. We had already been doing the separate bedrooms thing for over a year. The divorce papers came right after she got out of jail from yet another conviction for yet another great big DUI crash. My exwife got the papers and she screamed so loud. I took the high road. I told the kids I love them both, will always be there for them and I'll always be in their life. I fought for, and won 50/50 custody. Best thing ever. My exwife took the low-road. She went over…
/r/Divorce_Men21/01/26 12:34 AM
2

Don't have them pay you directly, that will open up a whole can of worms. Depending on the amount, it will cause serious gift tax problems, etc. Have them pay your daughter, let her get the tax implications, and then have her pay you out your portion of the house equity.
/r/Divorce_Men19/01/26 12:03 AM
2

It’s the unfortunate truth. She wants to still control things, like she controlled the divorce process. My exwife was the same way. Except for her, it was money. She wanted it. Kept trying to play the “too sick to work” card to get alimony, didn’t work. Max CS $’s. Didn’t work. Threatened to appeal our divorce trial decree unless I paid her $5000. Didn’t work. A year later, Back to court again, and again she said she was “too sick to work”. Needed more CS $’s. Didn’t work. Threats of calling chi…
/r/Divorce_Men12/01/26 01:17 PM
1

Most definitely yes. In AZ, there is no alimony calculator. It’s 100% in the discretion of the presiding judge.
/r/Divorce_Men06/01/26 01:10 PM
2

I made decent money working in IT. She refused to work. Not even part time. With both kids in elementary school, there was no reason why she wasn’t working. My exwife said “I’m too sick to work!” But had no evidence. The judge admonished her for refusing to work, while demanding alimony. Denied her request for alimony. 11 year marriage in AZ.
/r/Divorce_Men05/01/26 09:32 PM
3

It is a CON job. “Me and the kids will stay in the house and ex husband can come and visit them anytime he wants to.” She gets maximum CS, and she gets a better case for alimony. Then as soon as you’re gone, she files a restraining order against you. And you have no custody order in place. My exwife tried that too. I said “no, 50/50 custody.” Judge ruled in my favor. 50/50 custody, $0 alimony for her.
/r/Divorce_Men05/01/26 04:45 PM
5

My exwife was a medical assistant and successful at it. We got married and she stopped working once she gave birth to our first daughter. Plan was after second daughter, she would go back to work part time. Nope. Instead, she found pills. Her “career” now was managing 10 different doctors to get more and more pills. Mix in a few great big DUI crashes. I filed for divorce. Her career now is still pill popper.
/r/Divorce_Men01/01/26 02:34 PM
1

I came out on top in my ugly divorce. Part of it was strategy. Part of it was luck. 11 year marriage. 2 kids. Exwife after 5 years became a pill popper. All of those disasters when she would take pills. But she always had valid prescriptions. She refused to work, as having 10 different doctors was her job. We were fresh out of bankruptcy court when she got pinched on yet another god damn DUI from yet another god damn DUI crash. She did jail time. I filed for divorce and moved out of my house (se…
/r/Divorce_Men29/12/25 04:24 AM
1

Ok, unless your STBXW is in prison? Or out of the country? Or incarcerated or incapacitated? Or you have court convictions that she has put the child in danger? You’re not going to get full custody. It is family court. In family court mothers can do no wrong. My exwife was, and still is, a drug addict to prescription drugs. The last straw for me? It was her conviction for “DUI with kids in the car”. This time, the DUI she had the kids in the car when she crashed at 40mph while high as a kite on …
/r/Divorce_Men29/12/25 02:36 AM
10

My exwife was the same way. She felt she was entitled to every last dime; past, present and future. At the time, I had a safety deposit box. Everything in there was from before we were married and it included my still living mother's jewelry. After we split up, we went to the bank to get my name off of our checking account because she kept overdrawing the account. The teller said there was a safety deposit box attached to the account, only in my name. My exwife's eyes lighted up and she said, "I…
/r/Divorce_Men28/12/25 08:49 PM
2

The judge didn’t like my exwife because she was so egregious in her divorce demands. They were over the top. It’s not bias.
/r/Divorce_Men27/12/25 03:07 PM
4

I was able to secure 50/50 custody, only because my exwife had a recent conviction for “DUI with underage passengers” because our kids were in the car when she crashed while driving high as a kite. That’s family court for you! If situation was reversed? And I got the DUI? I would have been given supervised visitation only.
/r/Divorce_Men26/12/25 02:48 PM
1

There’s an equation they use. If your monthly obligation is $1158. Multiply that by 12 to get a yearly obligation. Divide that number by 26 paychecks. That’s how much they’ll pull out every 2 weeks.
/r/Divorce_Men26/12/25 02:40 PM
10

I was able to avoid alimony, but it was pure luck. AZ alimony awards are the sole discretion of the presiding judge. And our family court judge? She flat out hated my exwife. 11 year marriage and 2 kids. Exwife refused to work. Saying she was “too sick to work” (no evidence provided) and wanted 50% of my take home pay in alimony. She refused to work, not even part time, even though both kids were in elementary school. She wanted full custody of the kids to make a better case for alimony. The jud…
/r/Divorce_Men26/12/25 02:28 PM
8

I heard from the kids that after divorce trial, after the divorce decree came in? She screamed even louder. She got $0 alimony and the judge told her to get a job, I got 50/50 custody of the kids. I kept my house and my car. She kept her DUI fines. Only thing she got was half of my 401k because that was a marital asset,
/r/Divorce_Men23/12/25 09:53 PM
12

It’s called “you reach you breaking point.” In my case, it was when my now exwife go into yet another great big DUI crash. Except this time, the kids were in the car when she crashed while driving high as a kite on pills. She got the dui conviction and jail time. She had $7500 in DUI fines plus a loan her to parents for $3000 for the dui atty. I came home from work (she refused to work) and was there with her mom with her hands out. They wanted $10,000 we didn’t have to pay off the dui fines and…
/r/Divorce_Men23/12/25 09:43 PM
3

My success story. Married 11 years. Half way in, after second daughter was born. She found pills. She went whole hog on those narcotics, mood stabilizers, sleeping pills and muscle relaxers. Every day was a new disaster. She almost cost me everything. She refused to work, as getting more and more pills was her full time job. Mix in great big DUI crashes. I got out. I divorced her and made out like a bandit. $0 alimony. 50/50 custody. I kept my house and my car. She kept her DUI Fines. Only it co…
/r/Divorce_Men23/12/25 09:15 PM
8

I went out on a lot of dates after my split. Lots of new relationship energy: but lot of breakups. Between the drunks, the pill poppers, the pot heads, and the princesses? Not a lot out there. So much dysfunction. Then weed out the churchees. Weed out the “rescue me from my own poor choices” types. Weed out the “emotional baggage ones.” Weed out the “not over their ex” types. Then the “friend zone” types that just need a free therapist or an emotional garbage can. What else? Oh yeah: the “no tim…
/r/Divorce_Men23/12/25 09:00 PM
4

This is what is known as a “starter marriage.” It’s when two people get married very young and then after a few years, in their early 20’s they get divorced. It happens a lot. Just don’t fall into the “remarriage too quickly” trap either.
/r/Divorce_Men22/12/25 01:45 PM
17

I was married for 11 years. SAHM for the final 8 years. She refused to work, even though both kids were in school. She demanded 50% of my take home pay in alimony. Plus full custody of the kids. Plus a host of other things that totaled more than what I made. In AZ, alimony awards are at the discretion of the presiding judge. The judge denied her alimony, gave me 50/50 custody and told her to get a job…
/r/Divorce_Men19/12/25 06:49 PM
4

I have a mediation success story. AZ all divorce with children has mandatory mediation with a mediator so the couple can make decisions without the judge. Sounds great. But instead of that? The mediator and exwife tag teamed me. It went like this. Exwife says “if you do xxx, I’ll do yyyy.” Mediator says “Jim do you agree to do xxx?” I say yes. And then the mediator writes it into the computer, and says “exwife, do you agree to do yyy?” And she would say “let me think about it.” Then next topic. …
/r/Divorce_Men18/12/25 06:14 PM
2

Yeah, it took a ton of bad dates. But I did meet “wife version 2.0”. My exwife did get remarried a few months before I got remarried. He was too love blind to see her personal and psychological problems. She didn’t work. She don’t drive. He thought he could rescue her? Anyway, 6 months after their wedding? He left her. Remarriage turned into re-divorce.
/r/Divorce_Men18/12/25 03:55 PM
7

When I was back into the dating market, 5 years ago, after being out of the dating market for 11 years. On installed all of the apps. Put in recent pics. And let the chips fall where they may. I pretty much went out with any woman that would go out on a date with me. “My standard line was “whats your schedule like for coffee or lunch or dinner?” And from there, that weeded out the scammers and the time wasters. Both will never meet in person. And then in dating in person, I had to weed out the d…
/r/Divorce_Men17/12/25 03:36 PM
1

She’s a pill popper. Addicts are the best at gas-lighting, manipulation, etc.
/r/Divorce_Men15/12/25 07:56 PM
2

Married 10 years. 2 daughters aged 6 and 9. Exwife was 39 at the time. Pill popper. The only reason I got 50/50 custody in family court was that my exwife had a recent conviction and jail time for “DUI with kids in the car” do when she crashed while driving high as a kite on pills. Yeah. That’s family court for you…
/r/Divorce_Men12/12/25 04:53 PM
15

When I got divorced, my exwife tried to play the “too sick to work.” She wanted 50% of my take home pay in alimony. CS for 2 kids based on her having full custody. For me to pay for her to get a commercial health insurance plan. Totaled out it was literally more than I made. Her reply? “He can get a second job!” Fortunately the judge didn’t buy it. I got 50/50 custody so my CS obligation was minimal. And then the judge gave her $0 alimony and told her it was time to get a job.
/r/Divorce_Men11/12/25 09:35 PM
6

Yes it’s breadcrumbs. She’s not 100% sure if the new relationship she has is going to be better than you. So she keeps you at arms length. It’s time to realize that your marriage is over. Time to just cut the cord abd move on.
/r/Divorce_Men11/12/25 04:57 PM
2

In AZ, the award of alimony is 100% on the discretion of the presiding judge. Well, our judge? She just wasn’t buying it that my exwife was “to sick to work”. My exwife had no evidence of it. Just said “I need alimony, so give me alimony.” In her ruling, the judge gave exwife 50% of my 401k because that was a marital asset, and then said “live on that until you get a job.”
/r/Divorce_Men09/12/25 01:22 PM
7

In my situation, it was my now ex-mil who told us to go to marriage counseling, because she knew that if we split up, eventually her daughter would end up living with her, making her life a living hell with her pill popping disasters. We ended up scheduling a counselor/ therapist. But before we even made it to one session, my now exwife made it clear that I was NOT to mention her addictions to pills. I was NOT to mention her great big DUI crashes. I was NOT to mention her fits of screaming rage …
/r/Divorce_Men08/12/25 04:55 PM
7

My daughters were 6 and 8 when I filed for divorce. Their mother was unemployed and refused to get a job. Not even to pay her own DUI fines. So I filed for divorce. She was adamant that I was not to get anything over visitation. She did this for 2 reasons; To get maximum Child Support $'s. To make a case for getting alimony. Mediation went nowhere, not unless I was going to sign over everything to her. Sign over every last dime; past, present and future. Sign over the kids too. So we went to tri…
/r/Divorce_Men07/12/25 04:40 PM
15

My exwife did that. Told her friends I was dating a man. That was the reason I filed for divorce. Not her toxic addiction to pills. Not her great big dui crashes. Not her screaming fits of rage when she would run out of narcotics. Nope it was because I was gay. So this lie got back to our daughters. So I decided to let our kids meet my girlfriend. The 4 of us went out to dinner. And they could see my girlfriend was a busty lady who had birthed 3 children and was most definitely not a man. They u…
/r/Divorce_Men06/12/25 01:57 PM
3

This is something you speak to the judge about at mediation or trial. You STBXW and her mother are trying to milk extra money out of you…. Plain and simple.
/r/Divorce_Men05/12/25 02:24 AM
3

Sorry, but do you know how many of us out there with addict wives (mine was a pill popper) that would have just loved it if the toxic addiction wife would just up and leave? It would have made my life so much easier: instead, my exwife was like a toxic parasite. She left one disaster after another in her wake…. I finally had to cut the cord, bite the bullet, and file for divorce. I did make out like a bandit in divorce court. And life has been so much better without her in it.
/r/Divorce_Men04/12/25 07:48 PM
20

The hardest part? Was that my exwife kept saying her new husband was “their new dad” and she kept pushing our 2 young daughters to bond with him. She even tried to get me to allow her to change their last names to her new last name. Fortunately, both kids said they didn’t want to change their names. It all worked out in the end though. Her new husband left her after 6 months of “wedded bliss.” (Sarcasm) After that, she dated a new guy, but she didn’t push it and he left after 2 months.
/r/Divorce_Men03/12/25 05:34 PM
11

Don’t wait to date. Don’t wait to hook up. Don’t wait to have a girlfriend Definitely Wait to get into a relationship. Wait to get remarried (if ever)
/r/Divorce_Men02/12/25 09:08 PM
12

My exwife had this in her laundry list of demands - alimony at 50% of my take home pay, plus a life insurance plan to be paid by me, in case something happens to me, so she can still collect. At divorce trial, she tried like hell to play the “too sick to work” card. Judge denied it and told her to get a job. No alimony and no life insurance plan needed.
/r/Divorce_Men02/12/25 03:56 PM
4

This!! . Except for the DUI and crash. She drank responsibly (as far as I could tell) and she hid the bottles of booze. By third month, missing work, not showing up to dates because got drunk at home and passed out. Got drunk and passed out at home with her 2 young daughters there (5 and 7). Fast forward 5 years I saw her tagged in a FB pic. Glassy eyes, droopy face, more wrinkled skin, bad tattoos on her shoulder, etc….
/r/Divorce_Men02/12/25 03:51 PM
11

Back a few years ago when I was single. I did meet my new girlfriend on bumble. I was ready to walk away and unmatch because she just wanted a penpal. Then we met in real life. We clicked. Then I discovered her horrible drinking problem, as she hid it really well. I dumped her….
/r/Divorce_Men02/12/25 01:28 PM
2

Kids know... My daughters were 6 and 8 when I split with their mom and moved out. They knew we weren't happy together. I think it was better to leave earlier, rather than later. So they understood "mommy home" and "daddy's house" concepts earlier.
/r/Divorce_Men29/11/25 08:06 PM
5

At the time, I jumped on all of the apps: I went out with any woman who would go out on a date with me. (Unless they had some obvious fatal flaw) I met some duds. Met some nice chicks. It was a lot of fun.
/r/Divorce_Men27/11/25 01:52 AM
2

No clue at all. Didn’t see it coming that she, 5 years and 2 kids into our marriage, that she would get addicted to prescription drugs. Never saw it coming. She went from zero to 60 in 6 months. Whole hog on doctor shopping for narcotics, muscle relaxers, mood stabilizers, sleeping pills. Then add in ADHD meds….
/r/Divorce_Men25/11/25 01:54 PM
2

Mediation went nowhere. Not unless I was willing to sign over every last dime and my kids to her. At trial, she tried to play the “too sick to work” card, but the judge didn’t buy it. I got 50/50 custody of the kids. She got $0 alimony: I kept my house and my car. She kept her dui fines. Took her 2 days to stop screaming;
/r/Divorce_Men23/11/25 07:22 AM
17

It was when she was fresh out of jail from yet another great big DUI crash. Kids were in the car when she crashed while driving high as a kite. She did her jail time and had $7500 in DUI fines plus a $300 loan for a DUI atty from her parents.. She refused to work. She and her mom were there, with their hands out, demanding that I either work a second job to pay it. Or I borrow money from my mother to pay it. I told, “we are bankrupt. My mother isn’t going to give us $10000 for your DUI!” She sai…
/r/Divorce_Men20/11/25 09:52 PM
1

It’s true. Divorce is a business for lawyers. Getting their clients hopes up for a favorable settlement. Get them to make this divorce their “hill to die on.” Have the STBX’s spend every last time they can on billable hours. And then have them do a settlement once every dime is spent. Every property is sold off. Every asset has been pawned. Then leave the now-ex’s in bankruptcy court. I liked my AZ divorce. AZ judges don’t allow the shenanigans that other states allow that drag out court cases f…
/r/Divorce_Men19/11/25 04:24 PM
3

It wasn’t just 1 doc. She had over 10 different docs. No one knew what the other one was prescribing.
/r/Divorce_Men14/11/25 08:57 PM
16

100% truth. My exwife got remarried a year post divorce. During dating and engagement? Nice person and back to her original self. They got married and she went toxic again. He jetted out after 6 months.
/r/Divorce_Men14/11/25 07:09 PM
8

I saw the 180 change in her personality changed and did the full 180. After our second kid was born she changed. Her change was caused by prescription drugs. Narcotics, muscle relaxers, mood stabilizers, sleeping pills. Add in ADHD meds too. Everything revolved around her and her need for more and pills. She became so entitled and nasty. Everything became my fault. All of her disasters were my fault -even her great big DUI crashes. My fault.
/r/Divorce_Men14/11/25 07:06 PM
5

I do make more. My exwife refused to work, claiming she was too sick to work. But the judge told her there was no reason why, and denied her alimony.
/r/Divorce_Men09/11/25 02:55 PM
5

Even with 50/59 custody of the kids, I still pay CS to the exwife. But I’m so glad I have never paid any alimony…
/r/Divorce_Men08/11/25 04:27 AM
2

Her lawyer specialized in criminal case. This was his first, or one of his first forays into family court. Rules are different in family court. For example. On the witness stand, he asked me about my house. Separate and sole property with deed disclaimer she signed. He said “later on, this house wasn’t a gift to the marital community?” I said “no, it wasn’t.” And then he said “do you have proof that this house wasn’t a gift to the marital community?” Yeah, the deed disclaimer. And the fact that …
/r/Divorce_Men06/11/25 03:56 PM
2

That summed it up exactly. Her lawyer only cared about billable hours. Didn’t tell her what was acceptable in court.
/r/Divorce_Men06/11/25 01:08 PM
1

She had a lawyer. That was the sad part. He filled her head with dreams of taking every last dime.
/r/Divorce_Men06/11/25 04:14 AM
4

Exwife did that to me too. All of it failed… Her DUI fines were a marital debt because we were married when she got the DUI. $7500 in dui fines… My separate and sole property house was 50% hers. She was entitled to 50% of my take home pay for alimony because she was “too sick to work.” She wanted half of my mother’s jewelry in my safety deposit box. My car? She argued that the car was a marital asset. But the loan to buy the car was all on me because she didn’t sign in the loan. She wanted me to…
/r/Divorce_Men05/11/25 04:19 AM
1

Going to be honest. It’s hard being married to someone with a lot of health issues. You said “chronic pain” and were you treating them with narcotics? The person you’re married to switches from being a partner to being an obligation. And if there’s no end in sight? They leave. Why? Because she wants a partner, not a parasite.
/r/Divorce_Men03/11/25 04:10 PM
9

This is what divorce took from me. It took away constant aggravation of being financially responsible for her daily disasters. It gave me peace of mind. It took away my inability to sleep and the constant stress. Now I sleep so well. It took away the constant bill collectors. Now I live a frugal lifestyle and live within my means. It took away my dread of the future, as we were always 1 paycheck away from losing everything. It took away my dead bedroom. I had quite a few girlfriends until I met …
/r/Divorce_Men02/11/25 06:02 PM
2

This right here. She wants to know if the boyfriend will work out. If it does? You get divorced. If not? She goes back to you, And yes, she is having sex with him,
/r/Divorce_Men29/10/25 11:46 AM
1

My exwife wanted me to sign off on supervised visitation only. I said "no, 50/50 custody". She countered with, at mediation that "the kids need me full time. He can come over and see them anytime he wants to." Then she was ready to counter with un-supervised visitation. I said "50/50 custody". Family court is, well, family court. In order for me to get 50/50 custody? I had to submit evidence of her recent conviction and jail time for "DUI with kids in the car" when she crashed the car into a tru…
/r/Divorce_Men25/10/25 05:27 PM
2

Ha! Every day, I kiss the ground that my exwife was denied her alimony demands.
/r/Divorce_Men23/10/25 04:10 AM
1

I wasn't going to wait. As soon as I told her, "I don't want to be financially responsible for you and your (pill popping DUI crashes) disasters anymore." I permanently moved to the spare bedroom. I was done. That's when I started dating. I spent all my free time with our 2 kids, minus her. I spent my other free time with coworkers at happy hour and I started dating. Once She got served her divorce papers and I moved out and got my own place. That's when I went full force to find a new girlfrien…
/r/Divorce_Men18/10/25 01:12 AM
14

Oh yeah. My exwife did that. According to her, I was out driving drunk, keeping the kids out late, doing drugs… In reality? Courts want evidence. So I did what any good dad would do. I submitted the court evidence of her conviction and jail time for “dui with kids in the car.” You should have seen her scream out “how could you!” Apparently, her making. Up stuff about me with no evidence was ok, but me submitting her DUI was cruel.
/r/Divorce_Men16/10/25 06:22 PM
14

You would need to take her to family court. A judge would most likely rule in your favor. But it's family court? No guarantees
/r/Divorce_Men16/10/25 04:03 PM
9

Stop! This is now lawyer territory. Have your lawyer file a divorce petition AND Put in a motion to recognize a "Non-Paternity event." It means that yes, you were married at the time of conception, but, and it's a big butt, you are not biologically related to this child and you don't want to be the financial father of this child. Don't "just sign and walk away" without that non-paternity event. Because she at any moment in time, once her and boyfriend break up (they will), she will need cash and…
/r/Divorce_Men14/10/25 10:12 PM
1

Now that you're separated? Keep your money separate. Or one side will spend it all on themselves because they're "Entitled to it." I split with my exwife and I kept my money separate. Why? Because if I didn't, she'd spend every last effing dime I had on the stupidest sh1t -- she refused to get a job. I told her, "I'll pay the bills. I'll pay the groceries, the house payment, insurance, utilities, etc. You're not getting any money, because you'll spend it all and have nothing to show for it."
/r/Divorce_Men14/10/25 10:02 PM
1

I was able to get 50/50 custody of the kids. My exwife was flat out refusing to work, claiming she was "too sick to work". The judge ruled that, in more of less words, that if I, as a father, was able to hold down a 40 hour week job and take care of the kids 50% of the time, then my exwife could hold down a 40 hour week job and take care of the kids 50%.
/r/Divorce_Men12/10/25 04:11 PM
14

I remember when my now exwife was planning a date - with some guy. They both had previous DUI’s, but she still had no drivers license and no car (she totaled her car). I found out about it and told her “oh btw, I know about you and Dave. I’m ok with it. Hopefully he has uber?” I refused to tell her how I found out. They never went out. But the next month they planned another date. But the day before their date? She got served divorce papers.
/r/Divorce_Men08/10/25 07:26 PM
1

I had to tell my wife the blunt truth. "I am not in love with you. I don't love you either. I have given up trying. If it wasn't for the kids, me leaning you would have been a dot in the rear view mirror years ago."
/r/Divorce_Men07/10/25 10:18 PM
3

Yes it helped immensely with my self esteem and it brightened my mood. Gave me something to look forward to.
/r/Divorce_Men07/10/25 01:48 AM
4

I got back out there the first weekend that I got my own place after leaving my wife.
/r/Divorce_Men07/10/25 01:12 AM
23

Nothing is set until the judge says so. Get evidence first. Don’t rely on the ex, or the lawyers to be honest about it. In my divorce, we had to go trial, and the judge rejected my ex wife’s request for alimony.
/r/Divorce_Men06/10/25 02:44 PM
7

Gotta warn you: it’s family court. Generally, mothers can do no wrong in family court. My exwife got pinched on a felony DUI with the kids in the car when she was driving high as a kite and plowed into the back of a pick up truck at 40mph. Kids weee all banged up with black eyes and goose egg bruises. Right after she got out of jail, she got presented with dui papers. She was arguing for me to get visitation only, because it’s “in the best interest of the children.” I used her DUI conviction aga…
/r/Divorce_Men06/10/25 01:24 AM
2

I was able to keep my house. Back when I was just dating my now exwife, I put a contract for a new build house. I sold off my old house and planned to use the proceeds to put a down payment on the new house, buy a car and new furniture. There was a delay in getting the final closing on the house and by them, we were married. The bank that was doing the mortgage gave 2 options; "Either she signs a deed disclaimer, or we have to re-do the loan at a higher interest rate. She signed the deed disclai…
/r/Divorce_Men05/10/25 09:14 PM
2

Tell her to pound sand. No judge is going to force such a deal. She just wants more money.
/r/Divorce_Men03/10/25 11:11 PM
5

I gave up and she didn’t see it coming. All of her pill popping disasters, DUI crashes, dead bedroom, and bankruptcy. Those drove me away: I told her I had given up trying and wanted to divorce. She didn’t see it coming. So what did she do? Went out and got her another great cut DUI crash - this time the kids were in there. She thought I had forgiven her and wanted to stay together. Drug addicts do that. Warped perception of reality. She got out of jail and got served divorce papers. Again she d…
/r/Divorce_Men02/10/25 01:50 AM
7

My now exwife and I were in the kitchen. She was bitching at me that everything I was foibg? Wasn’t good enough. She had totaled her two previous cars in the past 6 months in at-fault crashes. She wanted a car. But she refused to work, as being. SAHM was “her job”. She told me I needed to get a second job to pay for her to get a car. I dropped the sponge and told her. “I have given up. I don’t want to be financially responsible for you and your disasters anymore.” She asked me if I wanted to div…
/r/Divorce_Men30/09/25 01:44 AM
9

I have to go above and beyond for the kids, but I make sure it is for the kids, nothing that the exwife could get her hands on. For example, my younger daughter needed to have her wisdom teeth pulled at age 15. Seems ok. Out of pocket cost, even with dental insurance, is $800. Exwife was supposed to pay half. She desperately tried to get me to send her $400 and she would get it done at the dentist office. I said "no". I'll pay the dentist. Because I knew that if she got the $400 out of me? She w…
/r/Divorce_Men24/09/25 09:34 PM
8

All I can say is “prescription drugs are bad.” I divorced my wife because of all of her additions to those pills and all of the disasters she caused. My life rebounded quickly post divorce. Hers didn’t. I feel bad some days. Most says im just glad I’m not tethered to her anymore, and not financially responsible for her disasters.
/r/Divorce_Men21/09/25 05:30 PM
2

Oh trust me. I found out the same thing. I came second to her family. I remember her trying to get me to clear out and get rid of my stuff out of the garage, so that there would be more room in my garage for her sisters' junk. Think dog chewed tables, soiled recliner chairs, broken down dressers. She was always trying to get me to do the yard work at her parents' house. Always trying to get me to do favors for her sisters and her niece. The final straw was that she told me that if her mother bec…
/r/Divorce_Men18/09/25 04:08 AM
3

A GAL is going to do two things; Promote their own agenda, no matter what the individual circumstances are. Too man GAL's are pro-mother and that mother could be smoking meth and crashing cars and the GAL will say, "Kids need their mother more." Spend all of your money. The GAL isn't free and whenever a court requires it? It's usually the spouse with the job and the money that ends up spending every last dime on the GAL.
/r/Divorce_Men17/09/25 08:21 PM
3

All of her false accusations were ignored. We had to go to divorce trial. I got 50/50 custody of our 2 daughters. And I got a very favorable divorce financially.
/r/Divorce_Men07/09/25 02:11 PM
15

My exwife did the same thing. I was putting our daughter to bed. She was a toddler and potty trained, but still needed a pull-up to last through the night. Anyway I was getting her all tucked into fed and I she had her pajamas on. I was blowing raspberries on her tummy. She came in, accusing me that “something was going on!” She told her family about it too. So your Toxic STBXW isn’t any different than anyone else’s toxic STBXW.
/r/Divorce_Men07/09/25 04:41 AM
3

My exwife has a nickname in my phone. It's GATR. Like Gator. Because she always used to do those crocodile tears. But in reality? It's an acronym for "Great American Train Wreck." (Yes, wreck begins with a W, work with me).
/r/Divorce_Men30/08/25 02:28 AM
5

FLASHBACKS! My exwife wasn't a drinker. She only drank a few times a year. But when she did? She would drink to get drunk; belligerent, screaming at everyone, until she throws up all over herself. Yeah, fun times! My exwife is a pill popper -- always in the gray fog of narcotics, mood stabilizers, muscle relaxers and sleeping pills. Throw in ADHD medication... You know what I'm getting at. Would she be up at 3am "getting juice cups for the kids"? Not knowing they've been asleep for 5 hours and w…
/r/Divorce_Men26/08/25 06:40 PM
10

Change the locks ASAP! Why? Because as soon as she moved in for 12 hours? I guarantee you she will dial 911 and file a phony Domestic Violence Assault charge against you. And then what happens? You have to move out of the house, but you get to still pay the bills!
/r/Divorce_Men26/08/25 04:18 PM
5

Luckily for me, my now exwife showed her true colors during mediation. She wanted everything. Every last dime; past, present and future. She wanted full custody the kids. So I said “screw it” and we had to go to trial. The judge ruled heavily in my favor.
/r/Divorce_Men26/08/25 02:23 AM
9

My exwife tried to hook up with an old friend she knew from 15 years earlier. He was married at the time and unavailable. Then she met me and we got married. Had the 2 kids and the house in the suburbs. Fast forward 10 years and our marriage is going bust due to her recent pill popping disasters, but we still lived together. She messaged him over FB messenger and they were talking about meeting up and a string of things about me and how horrible I am. Turns out he was just as worthless as her. H…
/r/Divorce_Men25/08/25 09:26 PM
22

I had to fight and fight in order to get shared custody. Me? Good dad. Works full time. Love my daughters. Not so much as a parking ticket. Her? Unemployed. She refused to work, saying she was "too sick to work". She had a recent conviction for "DUI with kids in the car" w/ jail time. She was driving high as a kite on pills before she plowed into the back of a truck at 40mph. Kids were all banged up with goose egg bruises and black eyes. She argued that she needed half of my take home pay in Ali…
/r/Divorce_Men24/08/25 07:12 AM
3

Yes! Same here. She was convinced that because she had valid scripts for all of those pills? Her great big DUI crashes were just the result of an over zealous prosecutor. And me and my two drinks on a Saturday? That was a problem. Yeah a problem for her…
/r/Divorce_Men23/08/25 06:26 AM
9

It was a few years ago. It was Early January. We were both in the kitchen. She was just bitching and bitching at me, that everything I was doing? Wasn't good enough. She needed a car, but she had totaled her previous 2 cars in great big DUI crashes (pills). I wasn't letting her drive my car because the insurance company said, "Either you put her down as an excluded driver, or we are dropping your policy." So I added her as an excluded driver. She refused to work because she was "too sick to work…
/r/Divorce_Men23/08/25 02:11 AM
16

Three words for you “non paternity event.” Do it now. Get a lawyer now.
/r/Divorce_Men22/08/25 12:54 PM
1

Expect her to hit DEFCON1. That's what mind did when she got served. She screamed so loud I thought the neighbors were going to dial 911. Glad you have a lawyer. I divorced a pill popper. 11 year marriage, 2 kids in elementary school, and AZ divorce. She refused to work and she was relentless in her abuse of pills -- narcotics, muscle relaxers, mood stabilizers and sleeping pills. Final straw was her Great Big DUI crash with the kids in the car. The other DUI crashes she was alone. She refused t…
/r/Divorce_Men15/08/25 06:50 PM
2

Yeah, the judge wasn’t buying her “too sick to work” argument. Because the previous year she did work full time for 6 weeks before she got fired. But I had a cell phone pic of her W2. I submitted that as evidence. Judge wasn’t buying not amused.
/r/Divorce_Men14/08/25 03:14 PM
8

I had already told my exwife I wanted to divorce her because of her pill popping disasters (great big DUI crashes). So when the divorce petition came she wasn't shocked that it came, she was shocked because she expected me to give her everything "just to get rid of her". But she expected to control the divorce process to get a very favorable divorce like one of her friends got. But I didn't do that. I set the stage for my post-divorce life. But when her "husband after me" left her? She didn't se…
/r/Divorce_Men11/08/25 09:38 PM
46

Mine!! She was convinced she was going to get the best possible divorce outcome. Loads of alimony because she was “too sick to work.” Get full custody of the kids. Basically to leave me destitute and working 3 jobs to support her and never seeing my kids. Then she could have a beautiful life with her boyfriend. Mediation went nowhere. So we went to trial. It went heavily in my favor. I got 50/59 custody and she got $0 alimony — judge told her “time to get a job.” I kept my house and my car. Only…
/r/Divorce_Men11/08/25 03:03 PM
1

After 5 years and 2 kids? My now exwife got addicted to pills. She went whole hog on narcotics, muscle relaxers, mood stabilizers, and sleeping pills. Stint in rehab led to relapses and broken promises. Our lives revolved around her addictions and her disasters. I got out and divorced her.
/r/Divorce_Men07/08/25 02:24 AM
2

My exwife and I? I filed for divorce AZ has freebie mediation that's mandatory for all "Divorce with children." It went nowhere. Both my exwife and the mediator hammered at me, telling me I was horrible for wanting 50/50 custody and to not give her every last effing dime because she was "too sick to work". So we had to go to trial. Time was slotted for a 3 hour trial. I went up first on the witness stand and put my best face forward. How much I love our daughters and how much time I spend with t…
/r/Divorce_Men29/07/25 03:31 PM
14

It's a tactic that a lot of people use. In my case, my exwife was desperately trying to play the "too sick to work" card. But this is an AZ divorce and both parents are expected to work full time or they're on disability. So in my case, the judge asked her if she was on disability? She said no. So the judge gave her an imputed income of minimum wage 40 hours. So with that, my alimony to her was $0.
/r/Divorce_Men27/07/25 02:33 PM
1

It goes like this; She will engage you to get you riled up. "You need to..." do something that will only benefit her. Like give her alimony or take on her debts. Then she will be peaceful and talk about "We need to..." Do something that benefits the kids. It's all a scam. I had to dis-engage her at all junctions. Walk away. Hang up. Change the subject. Even to this day, years later, I have to regularly hang up on her. As for alimony? Do your best to get it eliminated or as low as possible. I had…
/r/Divorce_Men24/07/25 06:05 PM
2

I did extremely well in my divorce. Ok, I made out like a bandit. Exwife refused to work and tried to play the "too sick to work" card. She wanted 50% of my take home pay in alimony. I got the judge to agree that there was no reason why she wasn't working. So the judge gave her an imputed income of minimum wage 40 hours. So Alimony was $0. That was the biggest win. Second was my house and it had a deed disclaimer that it's separate and sole property. I offered her half of my 401k because it was …
/r/Divorce_Men23/07/25 03:34 PM
4

Going to be honest here. Courts will not care one iota. Don't waste your time. Just focus on getting 50/50 custody. Get as much of the assets as you can. And then let it go.
/r/Divorce_Men22/07/25 05:17 PM
5

I got divorced in AZ. Supposed to be a 50/50 state. My ex was adamant that she was to get full custody, visitation only for me. For maximum CS $’s. Plus it would make a better case for her to get alimony. It took me, having to bring evidence of my ex wife’s recent conviction and jail time for DUI. DUI for having the kids in the car when she crashed the car while high as a kite on pills. That’s what it took to get me 50/50 custody. My lawyer told me “take it as a win.” But he said to be thankful …
/r/Divorce_Men15/07/25 02:41 AM
4

It’s a mess out there! Between the drunks, the pill poppers, and pot heads, and the princesses! Did meet wife version 2.0 on OK CUPID.
/r/Divorce_Men13/07/25 11:24 PM
4

One man’s nightmare is another man’s dream. Oh how I wished that when I was married to my now exwife, she would have just up and left. But she had burned through all of her family and friends, and none of them wanted to deal with her. So I was stuck, until I was left with no choice but to be the one who leaves.
/r/Divorce_Men13/07/25 12:30 AM
19

Sounds like my exwife. Except she knew the 10,000 reasons why I was divorcing her. She made statements like “daddy is going to take our house away from us and make us homeless!” I told the kids later on that “this is my house. My name is on the paperwork. I work hard at my job to pay for all of this. So you and me and your sister will never, ever be homeless.” Later on my youngest told her mom, “great news mommy! If you get a job and work hard too, you’ll be able to afford your own house!” Yeah,…
/r/Divorce_Men12/07/25 03:55 AM
9

yes, she can "try" to take you back to court. My exwife has both done that and threatened to do that many times. But for assets already divided up? She can try, but she won't have a foot to stand on. Generally, only thing that is successful for taking a spouse back to court is; Child support. New calculations based on change in income from either side, or change in parenting time. Alimony. New calculations (if the support order is modifiable) based on changes to income.
/r/Divorce_Men09/07/25 05:22 PM
1

It is family court! She crashed while high as a kite on prescriptions. She had valid prescriptions for them, which she used to get a more favorable conviction with minimal jail time. But yeah. If the situation we reversed? I would have gotten supervised visitation only.
/r/Divorce_Men08/07/25 02:39 PM
6

My daughters were 6 and 8 when I filed for divorce. My exwife was adamant that I only get visitation. Namely because she refused to work and needed money. Plus if she had full custody, it would make a better case for her to get alimony. But my exwife had a recent conviction for DUI because the kids were in the car when she crashed. So the judge took that into consideration and I got 50/50 custody. (It’s family court!!). It’s been great with 50/50 custody, the kids like their new stepmom. We do e…
/r/Divorce_Men08/07/25 05:20 AM
13

That's why she's throwing the Protective Order, and requesting a GAL. She wants to move and keep the kids in order to reinforce the new dynamic. Her and the new hubby and they're going to move further away. You have 1 very major thing going in your favor. The past 10 years of 50/50 custody and courts are very reluctant to change a custody order that has been in place for these 10 years. But on the flip side? GAL can be very, and I mean VERY biased towards one side.
/r/Divorce_Men04/07/25 02:16 PM
6

Keep your cool, and lawyer up!
/r/Divorce_Men03/07/25 01:56 AM
11

I matched with one on Bumble a few years back. It was a 3 month relationship. She had two daughters the same age as my 2 daughters. She was very busty. But what killed the relationship? It was her drinking problem. She hid it really and I mean really well. I had to end it.
/r/Divorce_Men01/07/25 02:20 AM
2

11 year marriage. Exwife was, and still is, a pill popper in that great big gray fog of pills. 2 kids. AZ divorce. She refused to work. She wanted everything, every last dime; past, present and future. Full custody, 50% of my take home pay in alimony, and a laundry list of other things. She even put her $7500 in DUI fines as a marital debt because she argued that we were married when she got the DUI. Mediation went nowhere. Had to go to trial. Fortune favored me. She got $9 alimony and I got 50:…
/r/Divorce_Men30/06/25 02:44 PM
32

My exwife did the same thing. In divorce trial, she wanted full custody of the kids, because she refused to work, and wanted maximum CS $’s and a good case for alimony. She filled out CS paperwork with her income as zero Judge gave me 50/50 custody and she got $0 alimony and a small amount in CS. Fast forward 18 months she was flat broke and still not working and her new husband was threatening to leave her. She threatened to file DV cases unless I gave her more money. I refused. She filed new C…
/r/Divorce_Men28/06/25 11:22 PM
12

I got the same thing. And guess what? It was always me being "controlling" and never "her with disasters." I didn't allow her to have a car or drive. Truth? She had totaled her two previous cars and the state took away her driver's license for 2 years because she had a DUI conviction, it was bad because the kids were in the car when she crashed. We were in dire financial straits, and I refused to get another job or borrow money from my family. Truth? The financial problems were her $7500 in DUI …
/r/Divorce_Men27/06/25 06:15 PM
1

It depends on what it is. Do you have an award of alimony for the exwife that is non-modifiable? If so, there must be an extreme level of hardship regarding it. But I saw a video where a guy was disabled and in a wheelchair and still couldn't get the alimony changed.
/r/Divorce_Men26/06/25 09:16 PM
1

My daughters were 6 and 9 when I split with my now exwife. At the time, they were really into My Little Pony. So they had to make my new place "Poni-fied". That is adding MLP art stuff to my new place.
/r/Divorce_Men26/06/25 09:05 PM
2

If your STBXW keeps dodging the process server? You'll need to file a motion with the judge for "Alternate means of Service." Once approved by the judge, this can be "process by certified mail" or even up to "process by publication." My exwife, after we were fully divorced, got remarried. But he left her after 6 months and filed for divorce. She went ahead and dodged the process server and refused to answer the door. So he filed a motion with the judge and they attempted "service by certified ma…
/r/Divorce_Men26/06/25 07:48 PM
7

I was so worried too! That the judge would buy my exwife’s BS that she was “too sick to work”. Luckily the judge didn’t buy it- gave her $0 alimony and told her to get a job.
/r/Divorce_Men24/06/25 03:40 AM
1

Oh yeah, my exwife tried her best to guilt me into sending her more money. "It's so hard to afford a place". My reply was "Guess you should get a job then." She would says say, "But I'm too sick to work and I applied for disability but I was denied both times." It's because you're not "too sick to work." I don't know about TX, but in AZ, it's very easy to file a CS Modification request. When my ex and I were getting divorced, she assumed she was getting full custody of the kids and so she submit…
/r/Divorce_Men23/06/25 08:52 PM
1

It’s completely unenforceable. Tell her to pound sand. My exwife tried that “no kids meeting partners until 6 months, and I must meet her first!” But it was “rules are for thee, not for me.” She was introducing our two young daughters to her partners on the second date! Rando guy meeting two little girls! I said “whatever.” But she was telling her friends and family members that the reason I filed for divorce? It was because I was gay and dating a man. It got back to my girls and they wanted to …
/r/Divorce_Men22/06/25 04:04 AM
5

I’ve been divorced for years now, and happily remarried. But still I have nightmares where I’m still married to the exwife. Or that we have gotten back together again.
/r/Divorce_Men18/06/25 03:39 AM
5

I got remarried at 44, to a woman who had just turned 36. She had endometriosis, so her getting pregnant would have been a miracle. She left it as “if I’m a step mom, I’m happy with that.” Not knowing if having a baby was in her future. I had the notion that “if it happens, it happens, if it doesn’t, it doesn’t.” I already have 2 daughters from my first marriage. It’s been 7 years and she’s never gotten pregnant.
/r/Divorce_Men18/06/25 02:13 AM
–

I started using Drying Wracks in the spare bedroom. Dry them there, and then put them in the dryer under the fluff cycle for 10 minutes. Saves a LOT in electricity costs, especially in Summer.
/r/Divorce_Men13/06/25 08:06 PM
2

Used jewelry is only worth spot value for the gold and then the value of the stones. Jewelry has some of the highest markups in any industry -- that markup pays for the fancy showroom, the fancy people in fancy clothes, etc. And when people buy wedding sets? They want new stuff, nothing from a failed relationship.
/r/Divorce_Men12/06/25 04:05 PM
1

It was because she was refusing to work. The judge asked her, "Both minor children are in school. Why aren't you working?" My exwife said, "I'm too sick to work and I applied for disability." The judge knows that this a common tactic for non-working spouses, to say they've applied for disability, in order to get alimony, knowing full well that they don't qualify for disability.
/r/Divorce_Men12/06/25 04:01 PM
10

I had a great attorney. Mediation did go nowhere because my exwife wouldn’t budge on anything- full custody, and every last dime. He had me counter her “I’m too sick to work” argument with “then why aren’t you on disability?” I had a great divorce outcome.
/r/Divorce_Men08/06/25 01:58 AM
8

In my divorce, my lawyer said “ok, I can tell you that mediation is going to go nowhere and your best bet is to go to trial.” But divorces in AZ go fast and they don’t allow the shenanigans that other states allow, that end up dragging out court cases to years.
/r/Divorce_Men08/06/25 01:25 AM
16

The deal is, a bad or ruthless attorney will convince you to make this your hill to die on. To spend every last dime you have and still lose. I’m sorry but some cases aren’t winnable. It could be the jurisdiction is very mother-centric. It could be that your position is untenable.
/r/Divorce_Men08/06/25 01:17 AM
6

11 year marriage. 2 kids. She stopped working when the eldest was born and became a SAHM. Kids went to elementary school and she flat out refused to work, not even part time.
/r/Divorce_Men07/06/25 02:14 AM
12

When I divorced my now exwife, I got a lawyer. Divorces in AZ go fast. Still from start to finish, was 7 months and that included going to trial. I spent 5 grand on my lawyer. Exwife spent 5 grand as well. Well worth it in the end because my exwife didn’t get any alimony. I saved a ton by only dealing with my lawyer’s paralegal via email.
/r/Divorce_Men07/06/25 01:18 AM
8

My now exwife said one of the reasons she refused to get a job, not even part time, was because in case we divorced, she could play the “too sick to work” card, and have a better case for alimony. But fortune favored me. She tried to get alimony and the judge denied it.
/r/Divorce_Men06/06/25 10:38 PM
2

It was an AZ divorce. It came down to this; My lawyer was very "just the facts of money and child custody, nothing else." Her lawyer? This was one of his first family court cases, as he had done mostly criminal defense. He filled her head with delusions of her getting everything. He screwed up a few things too. The judge. Well? Our judge, she just hated my exwife. She admonished my exwife for not working. A few times said her position was "Untenable" due to submitted documents like the house dee…
/r/Divorce_Men04/06/25 06:42 PM
9

My exwife and I had to go to trial. She wanted every last dime - past, present and future. Because she heavily played the "too sick to work" card. She also wanted full custody to maximize CS $'s, loads of alimony, half of the equity in my separate and sole property house. Half of my 401k. Half of the equity in my car, but the loan to buy the car was "All on Jim" because she didn't sign the loan paperwork. She wanted me to pay for her to have a commercial health insurance plan to continue doctor …
/r/Divorce_Men04/06/25 02:22 PM
19

This is lawyer territory. First of all get your lawyer to file a “non paternity event” as part of the divorce paperwork. To dis-establish paternity. Otherwise the court won’t care that the kid isn’t yours and assign you child support.
/r/Divorce_Men03/06/25 01:38 PM
9

You do a QDRO to pay her the $50k in 401k dollars. Remember, 401k dollars are pre-tax dollars. House dollars are post tax. So $50,000 in Pre tax dollars is worth roughly $35k in post tax dollars. And yes, to equalize the retirement 401k's, you would owe her $50k from your 401k. Don't pay her in Post Tax Dollars. Second -- don't pay anything on that student loan unless your name is on it.
/r/Divorce_Men02/06/25 10:17 PM
1

She got hooked on pills while I was at work. What did I do to help her? I worked a second job to afford for her to go to the in patient rehab she wanted to go to. She lost her license and I drove her to the addiction meetings. I’m the one who drove her to the ER when she took sleeping pills and muscle relaxers and them because unresponsive. But in the end? I didn’t cause her addiction. I couldn’t control her addiction. I couldn’t cure her addiction. Yes I gave up.
/r/Divorce_Men01/06/25 05:34 PM
7

Sad but it’s the truth. Dads have to be extra vigilant about such things. They’re always one step away from losing their kids due to “out of an abundance of caution, mother gets sole custody.”
/r/Divorce_Men01/06/25 03:58 AM
7

Don't say anything. Don't put your cards out on the table. My exwife expected me to be some milquetoast and give her everything in divorce, if she was a royal PITA. One of her friends did that while getting divorced, and her husband rolled out, played dead and gave her everything. But instead of that, I filed for divorce and offered her nothing. No alimony, 50/50 custody, and I keep all of my assets. Needless to say, she was Defcon1. In the end, we had to go to trial and I made out like a bandit…
/r/Divorce_Men29/05/25 04:14 PM
12

It can be for a few reasons; My exwife refused to work. So she wanted me to have visitation only for these reasons; To maximize CS $'s. To make a better case for getting alimony if she had the kids full time. In reality? She didn't care how much time I had the kids. She wanted the $'s. And in divorce trial? Judge ruled against her and gave me 50/50 custody, which meant that my CS Obligation to her was minimal and she was denied alimony.
/r/Divorce_Men28/05/25 05:17 AM
17

My exwife tried that. During divorce, she and the kids were living in my house, and as per temporary orders, I had to pay house payment, etc. She tried saying “I don’t feel safe living here” and the judge told her “well, move then.” Exwife said “I’m not working.” Judge said “get a job then.”
/r/Divorce_Men28/05/25 02:39 AM
11

It's called, "no matter what you do? It's the wrong thing." I got that from my exwife and our 2 daughters. Since 2020, I work from home. So I take them to & from school. I do homework and dinners with them. And I take them out each weekend. So I get the whole, "You're taking over the daughters, I'm their mom." Your exwife, just like mine, has the Martyr Complex. The need to be the martyr. They need to be struggling with the 2 kids; emotional and financially. While the evil ex-husband is the horr…
/r/Divorce_Men27/05/25 10:44 PM
4

I was. After 2 kids, my now exwife found pills and those pills turned her into the most bat sh1t crazy person out there. She would scream at me when she would run out of narcotics. She would be up at 3am making juice cups for the kids. She could be face down, passed out on floor, laptop computer burning the skin on her forehead. She once punched me in the back because I went to happy hour with my coworkers and she was convinced I was cheating on her. She screamed at me because she got yet anothe…
/r/Divorce_Men26/05/25 06:24 PM
9

that's the truth! My exwife met a guy right as our divorce was being finalized. By date #2, it was True-Love and she introduced him to our 2 daughters. Two weeks later? Him and his daughter moved in. She tried to keep it all together -- dial down the crazy. Toned down the use of pills -- narcotics, mood stabilizers, muscle relaxers, and sleeping pills. She refused to work, and instead lived off of the divorce settlement which was 50% of my 401k. She didn't get any alimony because the judge didn'…
/r/Divorce_Men22/05/25 04:26 PM
2

I was very lucky to get divorced in AZ because divorces go fast here, because family court doesn't allow the shenanigans that other states allow that drag out court cases. My exwife got served divorce papers Nov 1st (a few years back). Temporary orders meeting the week of thxgiving. State paid for mediation the last week of December. Divorce trial set for 3rd week of January. Her lawyer wasn't available that day, got pushed out 2 months. Last week of March, divorce trial. Divorce decree in hand …
/r/Divorce_Men21/05/25 10:50 PM
2

Generally family court judges have 60 days to make a ruling on cases and motions. But depending on jurisdiction and the case load of the judge? Anywhere from 2 weeks to 6 months?
/r/Divorce_Men21/05/25 06:35 PM
15

Unfortunately, she has made this her "hill to die on". She'll spend every last dime she and her family has to fight this and in the end? She'll get nowhere and end up a bitter old broke woman . Sorry!
/r/Divorce_Men21/05/25 03:46 AM
2

That's a conversation you need to have with her. Be blunt. "I do not want anymore kids." Be blunt. "If you are going to want kids of your own, then we need to part ways."
/r/Divorce_Men19/05/25 08:17 PM
9

As a side job, I used to provide wedding minister and wedding photographer services. I did three ceremonies for people who got married and then divorced and then remarried. All three of them split up again.
/r/Divorce_Men17/05/25 11:26 PM
1

I sent her fake letters making it look like a bank was helping me hide money from her. She fell for it!
/r/Divorce_Men17/05/25 03:00 PM
2

I sent her fake letters making it look like a bank was helping me hide money from her. She fell for it!
/r/Divorce_Men17/05/25 03:00 PM
16

She took all of my potted cactus plants and threw them in the dumpster. Then said “oh? You didn’t want to keep them, did you?” Then she found out I can be 100 times more malicious and petty than her.
/r/Divorce_Men17/05/25 03:12 AM
7

Every woman I dated post divorce, always wanted to know the simple question, "Why are you divorced." As Judge Judy said, "If you're honest, you don't have to have a good memory." So I was always flat out honest. "My exwife hurt my kids in her great big DUI crash." They'd usually ask more information about it, and I'd tell them what they wanted to know about her pill addictions. Some women didn't want to be with a man with the toxic exwife. Other women didn't care. My new wife didn't believe me h…
/r/Divorce_Men15/05/25 04:16 PM
5

It just made up nonsense.
/r/Divorce_Men15/05/25 01:59 PM
2

I did leave my marriage for the sake of me and the kids. My exwife brought us to bankruptcy because of her addictions to the narcotics, mood stabilizers, muscle relaxers and sleeping pills. She went on a downward spiral of car crashes, arrests, bad choices, rehab, broken promises relapses, disasters, etc. I ended up seeing a therapist and by session #3, she told me, "It's time to talk about divorce. Marriages like these rarely work out. The sober spouse becomes overwhelmingly resentful of the ad…
/r/Divorce_Men14/05/25 04:04 AM
3

My best and brightest tip to give you; Divorces are about money and child custody. Anything else? The courts flat out don't care. With your lawyer? Keep everything based on money and child custody. Only deal with your lawyer's paralegal via email. Nothing else unless it is absolutely required to meet in person w/ your lawyer. No one cares about your life's story. Courts only care about documented evidence - police involvement, court cases, etc. Don't believe a word of anything your STBXW will te…
/r/Divorce_Men13/05/25 03:44 PM
3

Yeah, but my point is that when I was dating, I didn't want to casually date -- dinner / drinks / movies, whatnot. Because a vast majority of them have sexual avoidance problems too. "no man is getting my cookies anytime soon!"
/r/Divorce_Men12/05/25 04:18 PM
13

I met quite a few of the avoidants. These are the women that always have their eye out for the bigger-better-deal. Just looking for someone to take them out and waste time & money on them. I have a longtime coworker, a few years older than me (no interest in dating). She worked full time and has kids. So time wasn't something she had a lot of. This is how it went as she told me while we were having coffee; Basically, she was casually dating 2 different guys. Just going out for dinner, drinks and…
/r/Divorce_Men12/05/25 04:03 PM
4

I'm in AZ. 11 year marriage, 2 kids. At the time, we were fresh out of bankruptcy court because of her disasters (great big DUI crashes while on pills). The final straw was her "DUI crash with kids in the car". That came with $7500 in DUI fines & jail time. She expected / demanded / screamed-at-me to get a second job, or borrow money from my mother to pay it. That's when I filed for divorce. Mediation went nowhere. She wasn't going to budge one inch on anything. She wanted everything because she…
/r/Divorce_Men12/05/25 03:40 PM
5

Yes. But both kids were in elementary school and she flat out refused to work. Not even part time. Getting pills was full time job. Judge told her time to get a job. $0 alimony.
/r/Divorce_Men12/05/25 02:40 PM
11

My exwife did the same thing. Got a lawyer and gave me a list of outrageous demands. She even demanded I pay her lawyer’s retainer before we even got to trial. I said “no. I won’t be paying dime one on anything unless there’s a court order. You need money? Get a job!” Her lawyer filled her head with visions of lifetime alimony, full custody, me getting all the debt, and her getting all of the assets. We went to trial and the judge decided in my favor on everything. After that? She was ready to f…
/r/Divorce_Men12/05/25 01:06 AM
3

Going to be dead honest with you. It’s family court. Unless you have verified evidence of her wrongdoings. Like court evidence or police involvement? Family court will not care. AZ is a 59/50 state but my exwife was trying to get me to do visitation only and the judge was ready to side with her. I had to submit evidence of her conviction and jail time for “DUI with kids in the car” when she crashed while driving high as a kite. That’s what it took for me to get 50/50 custody. If I was the one wi…
/r/Divorce_Men11/05/25 03:14 PM
3

It’s called “you date someone else.” Meet her coldness with your own coldness. You go out on dates with girls you meet online or whatever. Even if it’s just meeting for coffee.
/r/Divorce_Men10/05/25 11:39 PM
1

I think you mean mediation or arbitration. The deal is that in a trial, the judge decides and you walk away. In mediation you can walk away and say “nope!” And then go to trial.
/r/Divorce_Men10/05/25 12:54 AM
11

Looks like you got the same judge I got! Mediation went nowhere, so we had to go to trial. My exwife was demanding outrageous alimony (50% of my take home pay) because she said she was "too sick to work." Got 50/50 custody, so CS $ was minimal. I kept my house and my car. Only thing she got was half of my 401k because that was a marital asset.
/r/Divorce_Men09/05/25 08:12 PM
12

In my post divorce life, I have 50/50 custody of my 2 daughters. Plus I work full time. So post divorce life wasn't filled with opportunities to meet women IRL. Other than dating one of my previous coworkers (which went nowhere), I went on the dating apps. It's a difficult thing to do, having to wade through the scammers. Then the time-wasters. Then the drunks, the pill poppers, the pot heads and then the princesses. Then you have the ones with emotional baggage, severe financial problems, or ot…
/r/Divorce_Men09/05/25 03:54 PM
7

I learned from my exwife that, "Appeasement didn't work for H1tler and it didn't work for my exwife." For example, we split up, but in the interim, I left the cable TV&Internet on. "Because the kids need it." I said "fine" and she promised not to order any more pay per view movies. The next bill came and it was $250 in Pay per view movies. I asked her about it and her reply was, "It wasn't that much." I told her, "You promised no more pay per view movies." And her reply? "It wasn't that much. Ju…
/r/Divorce_Men09/05/25 02:41 PM
5

It comes out very favorable in showing that your STBXW is refusing to work, rather than unable to work.
/r/Divorce_Men04/05/25 04:16 AM
7

Your lawyer is Spot On Correct. Get her a vocational assessment. Her request for 50% of your salary in alimony is also spot on. My exwife requested the exact same thing. She would much rather have this; Lifetime alimony based on her idea that she is unable to work. And then once the divorce is over, then she will get a job.
/r/Divorce_Men03/05/25 09:08 PM
15

It was January a number of years back. Now exwife and I were in the kitchen. She was bitching at me that all that I was doing, wasn’t good enough. She had totaled 2 cars the previous year, and she wanted another car. She refused to work, as being a SAHM was her job. She basically told me that I needed to step up and get a second job. That’s when I told her “I have given up” and I wanted to divorce.
/r/Divorce_Men03/05/25 02:22 PM
4

Same spot here when I was divorcing my now exwife. Home was my separate and sole property. I had to move out for the sake of keeping the peace for my kids. We went to trial and I was awarded the house, but the judge's decree didn't give my exwife a timeline to get out. She wasn't going to budge. So I threatened her with a court eviction. She screamed, but she left in 2 weeks.
/r/Divorce_Men01/05/25 11:16 PM
1

You put in stuff like imputed income. Lifestyle choices. Go for more custody…
/r/Divorce_Men30/04/25 09:37 PM
8

Same here! She and her new boyfriend were counting on sky high alimony from the divorce to fund their new lifestyle. When the decree came in and alimony was denied? First thing they had to do? Cancel their plans to go on a cruise. The only money she got out of me was half of my 401k, which was a 100% marital asset. She got the money and used it to get a really nice rental house and a lot of date nights. The two of them got married. But after 6 months of "wedded bliss"? The 401k money ran out and…
/r/Divorce_Men29/04/25 03:40 AM
8

Stick to an attorney that only cares about the meat and potatoes of a divorce. That is money and child custody. One that tells you what you don’t want to hear. One that is honest about the laws in your state. Don’t waste your money telling your attorney your life’s story about how you were wronged. The lawyer will care because they can bill for those hours. The courts won’t care one iota.
/r/Divorce_Men29/04/25 03:15 AM
26

The deal is, that her expectation was that you were supposed to be; Poor and just scraping by financially. Sad and alone and dateless. Alienated by the child or children. That is her goal. And you didn't live up to that goal. My exwife is the same way, same expectations. But it turned out the opposite. She's the one poor and scraping by, she had to move in with her parents to afford things. She's the one who got remarried, but it ended in re-divorce after 6 months. Updateable. She's the one who …
/r/Divorce_Men28/04/25 04:30 PM
3

Actually no. The judge gave her an imputed income of minimum wage 40 hours. At the time, minimum wage was only $3 less per hour than what her job level was gauged to be from her previous job. With that, the judge denied her alimony. The judge's ruling was basically, "if Father can work 40 hours and take care of the kids 50% of the time, then Mother can work 40 hours and take care of the kids 50% of the time." But my lawyer had suggested that if this was going to go with the alimony my exwife req…
/r/Divorce_Men28/04/25 03:54 AM
7

There are two words for you to use in court. “Imputed income.” My exwife flat out refused to work and her actual income was $0. She tried two times to have CS calculated at her income being $0. Both time I got her income imputed to be based on her ability to have full time work.
/r/Divorce_Men28/04/25 12:22 AM
2

I got my 50/59 custody of our 2 daughters and it was the best thing ever.
/r/Divorce_Men27/04/25 11:51 PM
5

My now exwife changed after 5 years and 2 kids. She found pills. Then our lives revolved around her having more and more pills. Narcotics, muscle relaxers, mood stabilizers, and sleeping pills. Then it was the great big DUI crashes when she’d get behind the wheel. The woman I married was gone, lost to pills.
/r/Divorce_Men27/04/25 05:44 PM
10

Nope. In my divorce, my exwife put down that she hadn’t worked in years and income was zero. In her signed affidavit of financial information. She was claiming she was too sick to work. I had a cell phone pic of her previous year’s W2, when she worked for 6 weeks. At trial, she stated under her lawyers examination, that she was too sick to work and needed alimony. We had that W2 as evidence. Her lawyer claimed it was a fake. But the judge forced her to, “under penalty of perjury,” state if that …
/r/Divorce_Men27/04/25 05:14 PM
10

She’s an addict. And addiction is a horrible beast to overcome. Be it booze, pills, drugs, gambling… My exwife was, and still is, addicted to pills. I had to divorce her before she cost me everything- my house, my job, my car, my retirement. The final straw was her great big DUI crash with the kids in the car. Not her first (or last) great big dui crash. She got out of jail, still refused to work, and presented me with $7500 in DUI fines. And told me to “find a way!” To pay it. I filed for divor…
/r/Divorce_Men26/04/25 11:32 PM
2

Just go for 50/50 custody as the standard. Make a request to the court, document how much time you spend with the kids right now.
/r/Divorce_Men24/04/25 07:56 PM
4

It depends on what state you got divorced in, and what your divorce decree says.
/r/Divorce_Men23/04/25 08:39 PM
3

My exwife was (and still is) notorious for overdrawing the checking accounts. While married, were fresh out of bankruptcy court due to her frivolous retail therapy. So we didn't have to worry about credit cards. So when I split with her, I already had my credit union acct that her name wasn't on. But we had a joint BofA acct. I dragged her sorry ass down to the bank to have my name withdrawn from that acct. Spoiler alert -- I had a safety deposit box with that bank, but a different location. It …
/r/Divorce_Men23/04/25 04:14 PM
2

The first night after I served my now-exwife divorce papers (she's an addict to pills) and went to a hotel? I couldn't sleep. Too many thoughts about what will happen to my house, my finances, the kids, etc. I think I managed an hour or 2? The next night? I slept soundly. We are long since divorced and I made out like a bandit. But all I can say is that I still have the nightmares about her. I haven't had this one in a long time. In the nightmare, I've lost everything. My cats went to shelters. …
/r/Divorce_Men23/04/25 03:54 PM
1

Sounds like your wife got married at age 18, which is far too young to get married. And there's a lot of growing up that happens in those early adult years. Cough it up to it being a "starter marriage". 2 people get married rather young and then in a few years they realize they want different things out of life.
/r/Divorce_Men21/04/25 07:38 PM
9

Yeah, like others have said. Don't give 2 sh1ts about what she says, or she says she's entitled to. This is going to be a financial break up. House either stays with her and she buys out your equity interest. Or house stays with her and she buys out your equity interest. If neither can pay? House gets sold off. Don't get angry. Just let the process happen. And fight her on what she feels she's entitled to. Make your best post-life divorce happen.
/r/Divorce_Men21/04/25 07:28 PM
3

The deal is you need to be pro-active in your divorce, not re-active. You said alimony. 1st thing, is it based on her not working? If so, start off by making sure she gets an imputed income, at the very minimum 40 hours minimum wage. Go up from there based on her education level. You said Child Support. are you going for 50/50 custody? Or just taking visitation only?
/r/Divorce_Men19/04/25 04:19 PM
3

I still have to pay CS to my exwife, just no alimony. 50-50 custody, and then I pay the kids health insurance. But since I make way more than she does (she finally had to get a job), I pay CS, but it’s very low.
/r/Divorce_Men15/04/25 12:17 AM
2

where are you getting this $5000 number from? Is that a number provided by an alimony calculator? Or is it something your STBXW told you "I need $5000 per month to maintain my lifestyle."
/r/Divorce_Men14/04/25 07:16 PM
13

I'm paying $0 per month in alimony. 11 year marriage, 2 kids in elementary school. Exwife refused to work, saying she was "too sick to work." At divorce trial, she was demanding 50% of my take home pay in alimony, plus CS based on her getting full custody (and her income being $0), plus for me to pay her monthly premium on a health insurance plan like the one she got through my employer so she could continue doctor shopping. All totaled out, it was more than my gross wages per month. I asked her…
/r/Divorce_Men14/04/25 02:48 PM
13

Going to tell you this; Get the DNA test so you can give your son his medical history. You have the right attitude, "He will always be my son." And yes, it is time to divorce. Don't wait, just do it now.
/r/Divorce_Men11/04/25 09:45 PM
2

Yes most definitely do that! You have 2 options; Option 1. You can take the equity increase from date of marriage until date of separation, and divide by 2. that will be your equity interest in the house. Value2025 minus Value2020. And then divide by 2. Option 2. You can calculate the outstanding mortgage from 2025 and then subtract the outstanding mortgage from 2020. Take that number and divide by 2. That's your equity interest.
/r/Divorce_Men09/04/25 03:44 PM
3

My daughters were 6 and 8 when I split from their mom. They knew I wasn’t happy with their mom. They just knew the PG version of why I split with her, not the full 100% truth of her addiction problems. But anyway, they adjusted really well to the split of “daddy’s house” and “mommy’s house.” We love going on trips together without their mom there to ruin it. Love decorating the house without their mom to interfere. Normal stuff.
/r/Divorce_Men08/04/25 11:33 PM
1

My exwife desperately tried to play the “too sick to work” card and the “kids need me to be a SAHM”. Judge said “no”. Gave me 50/50 custody, and her an imputed income of minimum wage 40 hours. Also denied her alimony.
/r/Divorce_Men08/04/25 02:33 AM
5

Get her an imputed income of minimum wage 40 hours. And get 50/50 custody.
/r/Divorce_Men07/04/25 10:32 PM
23

Well, your kids 1st b-day party post breakup went a lot better than for me. We already had plans to take both kids to the pizza place for my youngest one’s b-day. My ex refused to work; so I texted her that I’d pay for the pizzas, tokens, and soft drinks. That’s it. She texted back “ok” In addition to the kids and kids friends coming? Her family members came. They all ordered multiple pitchers of beer. I played games with my kids the whole time. Then the bill came. Exwife handed it to me and sai…
/r/Divorce_Men07/04/25 02:23 PM
6

Stop the games. Just file for divorce and get the best outcome you can.
/r/Divorce_Men07/04/25 12:26 AM
1

Yes she did. But it went nowhere. Kids wanted to spend time with me.
/r/Divorce_Men05/04/25 04:52 PM
10

Mine did. At divorce my exwife tried to get full custody and visitation only for me. She filled out child support paperwork and put her income down as zero to maximize the benefits to her. The judge tossed that. Gave me 50/50 custody I requested and gave my exwife an imputed income of minimum wage 40 hours. So my CS obligation to her was minimal. Fast forward 18 months and I got remarried. She was upset! That and she was flat broke and her new husband was threatening to leave her if she didn’t b…
/r/Divorce_Men04/04/25 09:26 PM
4

File now. She won’t have residency in California yet. But yes, some women do move to better states to get more alimony. Whether you’re divorcing in Cali or Nevada? You’ll most likely have to go to trial.
/r/Divorce_Men01/04/25 02:00 PM
13

If she wants a divorce, then let her have one. Go for alimony and 50% of all assets.
/r/Divorce_Men29/03/25 11:15 PM
1

It depends on what your divorce decree says. Generally if it is non-modifiable? You’re stuck for the term of what is written.
/r/Divorce_Men29/03/25 11:13 PM
4

Sorry. Autocorrect! Has. Still has: my kids really like their stepmom.
/r/Divorce_Men27/03/25 11:22 PM
9

I have had to break it off with a few girlfriends post divorce because they didn't like my 2 daughters. I have 50/50 custody of my 2 kids. Biggest issue is that some girls will jealous that I put my kids first. Well, duh! Some were miffed that I would "take the kids away from their mother." Others liked my kids. My Wife Version 2.0 had a good relationship with my kids.
/r/Divorce_Men27/03/25 09:58 PM
2

She was charged on a felons. But since she had valid scripts for the narcotics and muscle relaxers, they pled it down to misdemeanor and maximum financial penalties. $7500 in DUI fines.
/r/Divorce_Men26/03/25 10:30 PM
4

yeah, kids were all banged up with black eyes and goose egg bruises. But otherwise OK.
/r/Divorce_Men26/03/25 06:28 PM
4

I definitely didn't want to divorce earlier. Because her conviction for "DUI with kids in the car" put me in a much better position for 50/50 custody. It's family court and it is still heavily slanted towards the mother.
/r/Divorce_Men26/03/25 06:09 PM
6

Heavily dependent on location. But for a 5 year marriage? 1 to 2 years tops. But most likely $0.
/r/Divorce_Men26/03/25 06:08 PM
9

When I was married to my first wife, every week was a constant struggle to keep our heads above water while tethered to a boat anchor. Her addictions to pills almost cost me everything. Her disasters brought us to bankruptcy court. After bankruptcy was done, no more credit cards. No more loans. No more spending because she refused to work. Did she clean up her act? Of course not! She had yet another great big DUI crash, this time the kids were in the car when she crashed. She got out of jail and…
/r/Divorce_Men26/03/25 04:52 PM
1

Well, then you've made a self-fulfilling prophecy that this is going to go nowhere. So why bother? There is no easy way to get from pointA to PointB. You have to do your time in the trenches.
/r/Divorce_Men26/03/25 03:29 PM
4

11 months. Divorce’s in AZ go fast. From “date served to temporary orders meeting to mediation to trial to decree in hand. 9 months.
/r/Divorce_Men26/03/25 01:54 PM
2

I went to mediation with my exwife. The “impartial mediator” was anything but. She and my exwife railroaded me. I was going for 50/50 custody and the exwife wanted visitation only for me so she could maximize CS $’s. And the mediator agreed with her and said @only a horrible person would take the children away from the loving arms of their mother.” Once we left, nothing was signed or notarized. So I took that and tossed it in the trash.
/r/Divorce_Men26/03/25 01:51 PM
1

Nothing is signed until it is signed. Feel free to let the entitlement flow. And then if is horrible? Don’t sign and walk away.
/r/Divorce_Men26/03/25 12:42 PM
2

Install all of the dating apps. Put in recent pictures of yourself. No pics that are old or with exwife. Go out with any woman that will go out with you. Anyone that is not local? Scammer. Do NOT chat with anyone more than 2 weeks with out an actual date.
/r/Divorce_Men24/03/25 02:50 PM
3

Most important! Get the judge to assign her an imputed income of what she makes per hour now, at 40 hours per week. That will definitely help with the alimony.
/r/Divorce_Men23/03/25 05:00 AM
3

It was 100% her. Her addiction to pills 5 years into our marriage. And all of the disasters that came from when she would get high and then crash. She's had 2 stints in rehab, one while we were married and one after her "husband after me" left her. In her time as an addict? She's totaled every car she's driven. She's destroyed every relationship. She's lost every friend and almost every family member.
/r/Divorce_Men19/03/25 11:42 PM
11

Yeah. My exwife back in 2023 bought the most expensive car she has ever had. She sank her whole tax refund into it, plus her old paid-for car into it as a trade-in, plus all the cash she had on hand. Even with that? She still needed a cosigner. I wasn't going to cosign, so she guilt-tripped her mom into co-signing for that car. Fast forward 18 months later. She had let the insurance lapse and the registration lapse. Fast forward 6 months later. She totals the car on her way to work. Just plows i…
/r/Divorce_Men18/03/25 05:36 PM
1

Yep!!
/r/Divorce_Men14/03/25 03:58 PM
–

It doesn't matter who files first in the grand scheme of things. It is just that who files first kind of "throws their cards out on the table" and sets the stage on what they want. I was the one to file first and I was 100% honest that I didn't want to pay alimony, wanted her out of my house and I wanted 50/50 custody of the kids. Her response was the diametrical opposite of that -- loads of alimony, her to keep my house, full custody of the kids, etc. Mediation went nowhere so we had to go to t…
/r/Divorce_Men12/03/25 05:58 PM
21

Same here. She knew everything about everything; Not. So in the divorce, she got half of my 401k because it was a marital asset. In fact, that was the only money she got. Then she told me that instead of doing a QDRO, where she would get her own 401k account, that I should do a withdrawal of my 401k and just "cut her a check." I said "no." I tried to explain to her that 401k $'s are Pre-Tax dollars. You have to pay both fed and state income tax on them. She didn't believe me. I told her, "don't …
/r/Divorce_Men12/03/25 02:46 PM
10

It’s called “only if”. He did more. If he made more. If he spent more time with the kids. Never good enough.
/r/Divorce_Men12/03/25 03:59 AM
1

11 years
/r/Divorce_Men11/03/25 11:06 PM
2

yes any pay you have received after separation is separate money.
/r/Divorce_Men11/03/25 06:23 PM
1

It really depends on where the money came from. Generally, any money received on either side, After divorce petition, is separate. But if that money came from a marital property source? Then it's marital. For example, if you did a cash out of retirement account? That's still marital funds. but if you got a big bonus from work? That's separate... So where did this money come from?
/r/Divorce_Men11/03/25 05:09 PM
5

At mediation, I was ready to give my exwife some alimony, to get this over with. But after awhile, I knew that any number I threw at her? It wouldn't be enough, and she'd want more. So I just had to put the kybosh on mediation and refuse to sign. I took her trial and the judge gave her $0 alimony instead.
/r/Divorce_Men11/03/25 04:10 PM
9

In these days, courts flat out won't care. Divorces these days are about 2 things; Money and custody. That's it.
/r/Divorce_Men11/03/25 03:52 PM
9

No right or wrong answers! But generally, if you can go out on a date and not talk about your exwife? You're ready!
/r/Divorce_Men10/03/25 03:27 PM
5

From what I've seen, the reasons for a modern divorce have changed a lot since I was an 80'd kid. First of all, there's way less stigma to being divorced. So it's easier to be divorced now. Second, I grew up in a suburb that was 99% Catholics and back then, Catholics couldn't get divorced. Now the people just get a divorce and don't care what the church says. Thirdly, like from my own marriage, addiction problems are a big one. I had to divorce my exwife before her addiction to those pills cost …
/r/Divorce_Men07/03/25 05:36 PM
2

Ok, then if she's requesting CS, then you need to argue that in court. "He's my step kid. His bio dad is in his life."
/r/Divorce_Men06/03/25 07:16 PM
3

yes, it can happen. Depends on how long you were married. If the Bio-Dad has never been on the hook for CS or visitation? And then you stepped into a father role for x number of years? The family court judge might make you responsible for CS until kid turns 18.
/r/Divorce_Men06/03/25 07:00 PM
10

And yes, you're 100% screwed in this. By having your name not on the deed, but still responsible for the mortgage? You'll never be able to buy your own home ever again. I personally hate when judges do this, "for the benefit of the ex-wife & kids." It leaves you responsible for the taxes and insurance. I'm really sorry, but yes, you are very screwed in this divorce.
/r/Divorce_Men06/03/25 05:17 PM
1

it depends on what this money is from. Is it an inheritance? If so, protected asset. Is it from a 401k Disbursement or retirement account? Those are community property and even if you gift it to someone else, it's easy to track down. Anyway, if it's a protected asset, then you can just open up a new bank account in you name and put it in there so it doesn't co-mingle with other community property funds.
/r/Divorce_Men06/03/25 03:59 PM
9

Did the judge force you to sign a quit claim deed? If it isn't in the judicial order? Then do not do that under any circumstances.
/r/Divorce_Men06/03/25 03:46 PM
1

Unfortunately? Courts won't care. Family court is like that.
/r/Divorce_Men05/03/25 04:30 PM
2

Here is the deal. You tentatively agreed to $500 a week. She thought to herself, "hmm, if he's going to agree to $500/week, I wonder if he will agree to $600/week." If you agree to that? She will turn around and say, "you know, $600/week still isn't enough. How about $700 or $750 a week?" This will keep going on and on until you finally back off. Time to just stop now. In my case, my exwife wanted 50% of my take home pay in alimony, plus full custody of the young kids to maximize CS $'s. Plus fo…
/r/Divorce_Men05/03/25 03:32 PM
1

My exwife was convinced I was hiding assets from her. "Yeah, the guy driving a Nissan Altima is hiding $200,000 from you." She wanted the court to appoint a forensic accountant, and have me pay for it. The judge told her, "I don't see any evidence that he's hiding a substantial amount of money from you. But if you want to hire a forensic account, then by all means do so. But at this time, I will not be requiring your STBXH to pay for it."
/r/Divorce_Men03/03/25 06:03 PM
7

It’s a valid ploy that lawyers on both sides to drag out cases and get more billable hours: divorce court is an industry.
/r/Divorce_Men02/03/25 07:41 PM
1

My exwife? She lost her original engagement ring. and she bought herself a new diamond ring. I divorced her and saved it for the next sucker. He was smart enough to leave her after 6 months of wedded bliss.
/r/Divorce_Men02/03/25 07:23 PM
3

My exwife was and still is an addict to prescription drugs— narcotics, muscle relaxers, mood stabilizers and sleeping pills. Don’t try for anything more than 50/59 custody. Unless there is prison time for her? Courts won’t care. My exwife had a conviction for “DUI with kids in the car” when she crashed while driving high as a kite on narcotics. Result? 50/50 custody. Make sure she’s working or get her to have an imputed income of full time work. My exwife refused to work, but the judge gave her …
/r/Divorce_Men02/03/25 04:16 AM
1

They were 7 and 10 when they met my girlfriend. We just met up at a KFC. They asked what she did for a job and what kind of a car she drove. And they asked her about her 2 daughters. Stuff like that. A year later they may the lady that was going to be their new stepmom. Exwife screamed about that.
/r/Divorce_Men02/03/25 12:14 AM
15

Here is the deal, it's a power ploy. And yes, we have all dealt with this. She wants you to say, "oh yes my dear, I do want to reconcile with you. My life is crap without you! I need you back. I'll do anything." And then? She can hold it over your head. If she comes back to reconcile? "You said you would do anything." And your life is going to suck as you wait on her hand & foot for the rest of your life. And the first time you tell her "no"? She threatens divorce again. If she doesn't want to r…
/r/Divorce_Men28/02/25 07:49 PM
3

My exwife did the same thing. She told the other mothers 100's of lies about me, in order to dismiss her addictions to pills as the reason why I was divorcing her. She told them that I was dating a man and that's why we were splitting up. Nothing wrong with being gay, but I'm 100% straight. It got to the friends of my daughter, and they asked me about it. So much so, that I introduced the kids to the woman I was dating, who was clearly not a man. The ex found out and screamed at me. She told the…
/r/Divorce_Men28/02/25 06:30 PM
1

In my case? I requested to the judge that she was given an Imputed Income of Minimum Wage 40 hours. That gave her the $0 alimony, but also helped out with Child Support calculations. In your case, request the judge give her an Imputed Income of her current hourly wage at 40 hours. That will definitely help you in both concerns, but especially alimony.
/r/Divorce_Men27/02/25 08:45 PM
2

11 year marriage in AZ. At time of divorce, exwife was claiming she was “too sick to work.” She had worked 2 months the previous year, and then hadn’t worked in the previous 4 years. 2 kids in elementary school and she was trying to get full custody. She asked at divorce trial for 50% of my take home pay in alimony. Outcome? Judge granted her $0 alimony and told her there was no evidence she couldn’t work.
/r/Divorce_Men27/02/25 03:00 PM
18

My exwife kept my name after the divorce, so it would be the same name as the kids. One year later, she got remarried and took his last name. 3 months later she told me she was going to change out 2 daughters last names to her new last name. I told her “I’m not some dead beat dad. We have 50/50 custody. I will fight you on this.” She tried to convince the kids, but they both said they didn’t want to, so she dropped it. Three months later? Her new husband left her and divorced her. She thought ab…
/r/Divorce_Men27/02/25 01:36 PM
5

It's to transfer GUILT from them to 100% on you. That way she can feel justified that "It's all my ex-husband's fault. He didn't fight for the marriage. He didn't carve his limbs off with a chainsaw to save the marriage. He abandoned the marriage." That way she can tell all of her family and friends that it's 100% not her fault, not even 1% her fault. It's all on you buddy-boy! My exwife was the same way. All Jim's fault. Jim didn't fight for the marriage. Jim just abandoned the marriage. Grante…
/r/Divorce_Men26/02/25 09:23 PM
13

It's Ok if mediation goes nowhere. Just don't sign. AZ has freebie mediation for all "Divorce with Children". But the mediator we got? She wasn't impartial one bit. She and my now exwife tag-teamed me to get me to practically sign away everything. Mediator actually said, "Only a horrible person would take away the children from the loving arms of their mother." I was asking for 50/50 custody. Anyway, once I got out of there, I got a breath of fresh air! And I realized this was BS. I tossed that …
/r/Divorce_Men26/02/25 04:36 PM
9

My marriage and divorce is all about "Some people change." She went from being a young, vibrant woman that was full of life and adulted really well. But she found pills and she turned into this bitter addict who forced us to have our lives revolve around her access to pills. We all walked on eggshells around her, never knowing what pills she was on that day. Yeah, I could have stayed with her and been utterly miserable. Every single one of her friends and family refused to acknowledge her addict…
/r/Divorce_Men25/02/25 08:48 PM
5

She refused to work. But after I moved out, she had a monthly $280 payment for DUI fines that totaled $7500. She was putting it on her dad's credit card since I refused to pay. Her mom found out, big fight and she got a job. She only worked there for 2 months and then got fired. But I had a copy of her W2, so I used that as evidence that she could work, she was just choosing not to. That led to her getting $0 alimony. She was adamant that I get visitation only for our 2 daughters. But that above…
/r/Divorce_Men25/02/25 07:00 PM
2

I'll give it to my exwife; she was honest about one thing. Since I was the one to divorce her, she made it her goal to take every last dime from me. To drag out the divorce process until I caved in and just gave her everything, just to be done with it. She showed her cards and I knew that it was best to just put my best face forward and take her to divorce trial. I made out like a bandit.
/r/Divorce_Men25/02/25 06:44 PM
3

My divorce wasn't due to any infidelity. It happened due to her addictions to pills. Mix in dead bedroom -- she had no interest in sex because of the gray fog she was always in. Mix in verbal abuse -- screaming at me each and every time she ran out of narcotics. Mix in financial problems -- she refused to work and was always getting into great big DUI crashes. Mix in gaslighting me that these were normal issues -- it was a mixture of "All Jim's fault for everything" and "Jim doesn't love her eno…
/r/Divorce_Men25/02/25 06:05 PM
3

It would have been so much easier. My exwife was out to get every last dime, saying (screaming) that she was entitled to it because she was “too sick to work.” It took us going to trial, and the judge telling her that she wasn’t entitled to anything. Only thing she was entitled to was to eat a steady diet of government cheese and living in a van down by the river. Which is what would have happened unless her parents took her in.
/r/Divorce_Men23/02/25 09:10 PM
2

When I was officially divorced from the exwife? I texted all of my friends the good news. I focused on my kids -- as I got 50/50 custody. I focused on my finances -- time to get that in order. I focused on my housing -- time to get re-furnish my house. I was already dating a nice lady, so I didn't need to work on that.
/r/Divorce_Men21/02/25 11:04 PM
12

You and your exwife are legally divorced, even though the church says you aren't. If your exwife gets married in the Episcopalian church or any other church? Who cares. Courts won't care. The real deal is.... Does she get a marriage license from the county she lives in? And does she record that marriage? That's the real question. Because if she has a Legal Marriage and it gets recorded, then the courts will care. If she gets a church marriage but doesn't record it legally? She's still legally si…
/r/Divorce_Men20/02/25 07:18 PM
3

I was always upfront in dating…. “I’m fully separated from my stbxw and living apart.” Made things easier.
/r/Divorce_Men20/02/25 01:54 PM
6

It’s family court. Mothers can do no wrong.
/r/Divorce_Men17/02/25 03:47 AM
9

I would say “don’t do it”. Why? Because the arrangement will turn out to be a great big aluminum base ball batt, one that will swing around and crack you across the back of the head. Why? Because she can’t afford it. She can’t afford market rate rent. She can’t afford maintenance costs. And who will end up getting blamed? You will…
/r/Divorce_Men16/02/25 08:15 PM
4

She was desperately trying to get full custody to maximize CS $’s and make it a justification for alimony, because she refused to work. But with the 50/50 custody, she got denied her alimony request.
/r/Divorce_Men16/02/25 08:13 PM
34

I used my exwifes conviction for “DUI with kids in the car” against her. She was so mad. Screaming at me “how dare you.” Yeah, she was high as a kite on pills when she plowed into the back of a pickup truck. Kids were banged up with black eyes and goose egg bruises. But it wasn’t her fault… yeah right. Still family court is family court! 50/50 custody.
/r/Divorce_Men16/02/25 02:34 PM
2

11 year marriage. 2 kids in elementary school. And she hadn’t worked in 4 years.
/r/Divorce_Men14/02/25 03:16 AM
3

My exwife wanted 50% of my take home pay in alimony. So paying the lawyer fees was small change compared to her alimony demands
/r/Divorce_Men14/02/25 01:40 AM
8

We had to go to trial because my exwife refused to budge on anything. She wanted everything. We each had 5 grand in attorney fees. Court ordered me to pay 3000 of her attorneys fees. It was well worth in the end. Her atty did such a piss poor job…. She got 0 alimony.
/r/Divorce_Men13/02/25 09:36 PM
3

No, leaving for a "couple of days" will not constitute Abandonment. And leaving the house will most definitely not affect your equity interest in the house either. In my divorce, I had to move out and during temporary orders meeting, I stated that the reason I left my house for the sake of "keeping of the peace for the benefit of the kids". Just make sure that you see your kids as much as possible. Document it. As for "I'd be fine with 100%". Yeah, family court is most definitely not going to le…
/r/Divorce_Men12/02/25 02:16 PM
4

The second night after I served her divorce papers and I was in the hotel. That first night, she screamed so loud I thought the neighbors were going to call 911. I went to a hotel. Barely slept and went to work the next day. The next day I got up, went to work. Saw my kids. Bought groceries for them. And I went back to the hotel. I slept like a rock that night: That’s when I knew everything was going to be ok.. And it was. Got my own place. Went to mediation. Went to trial. Got everything I want…
/r/Divorce_Men11/02/25 07:39 PM
5

Exactly! Family court is so biased. If I got a conviction and jail time for "DUI with kids in the car", do you think I would have gotten 50/50 custody? Hell no. I would have gotten supervised visitation only.
/r/Divorce_Men10/02/25 06:22 PM
3

Well, too many people claim that they're disabled so that their able-bodied spouse can pay them to sit around and do nothing.
/r/Divorce_Men10/02/25 04:43 PM
15

My exwife tried to get 50% of my take home pay in alimony alone, and then she tried to get full custody of the kids, so to maximize CS $'s, and then use that as a reason to get high alimony. She always said she was "too sick to work" but she didn't have any evidence to prove it. 11 year marriage, 2 kids and she hadn't worked (other than a small gig for 2 months) in 4 years. She was (and still is) a pill popper that is always in the gray fog of pills. First of all, I went for 50/50 custody. Judge…
/r/Divorce_Men10/02/25 04:17 PM
37

The women don’t regret the divorce. They regret not getting enough money out of the divorce. My exwife is still bitter that she didn’t get alimony.
/r/Divorce_Men09/02/25 05:55 AM
1

My exwife, for next marriage after ours. She was dodging the process server. So after 10 tries, her stbxh went to court and got approval to “service by certified mail”. Well, the USPS driver knocked on the door and then her dad signed for the large envelope.
/r/Divorce_Men07/02/25 03:06 PM
1

Grit your teeth and file for divorce today. Her religion has no bearing on you and your need for happiness. Filing for separation will only drag this out and make it 10 times worse and 10 times more difficult to actually divorce.
/r/Divorce_Men04/02/25 01:30 AM
6

On paper it says 50/50. That’s what it was listed on our divorce decree on a 5-2-2-5 schedule. My exwife wanted me to have visitation only to maximize CS $’s. But as the years go on? I have way more time with our daughters as I WFH, and she has to work in an office. So I take them to school and I pick them up from school and dinners and homework: she gets them when she’s home from work. And I get them Saturday afternoon to Sunday afternoon as well. It’s great!
/r/Divorce_Men04/02/25 01:26 AM
6

It went amazing at trial! Mediation went nowhere. She was demanding every last dime; past present and future. Full custody, maximum CA, 50% of my take home pay in alimony, and then a host of other stuff. She even tried to put her $7500 in DUI fines as a marital debt because she argued we were married when she got the DUI. Judge gave me 50/50 custody. She got $0 alimony. I kept my house and my car. She got 50% of my 401k. Done and done, I heard from the kids she screamed for 2 days.
/r/Divorce_Men30/01/25 03:36 AM
8

My exwife and I were heading for divorce due to her addictions to pills and all of the disasters they caused, mostly financial, as she got into numerous great big DUI crashes. But my now exMIL had a vested interest in us staying together. She knew that if we split up, eventually her unemployed daughter would end up on her door step, ready to make her life a living hell with pill popping disasters. So she pushed us heavily to go to couples counselling. My exwife didn't think she had a problem wit…
/r/Divorce_Men30/01/25 12:15 AM
9

11 year marriage. At year 10, I was so tired of her disasters when she would pop pills and then get behind the wheel and crash. 2 young kids too. It was January a few years ago. We were both in the kitchen cleaning up after dinner. She refused to work and she didn't have a car anymore because she crashed her last 2 cars in DUI crashes. She was telling me that I needed to get a new car. I told her we couldn't afford it. She told me I should get a second job then. That's when I lost it. I told her…
/r/Divorce_Men29/01/25 11:59 PM
8

Yes it’s exhausting! I installed all of the dating apps and went from there. First of all, anyone who won’t meet up in person for “reasons”? They’re either a scammer or they’re too skittish to date. Then you have to weed out the drunks, the pill poppers, the pot heads and then the princesses. Then you have to weed out the “rescue me” girls. The ones in a horrible financial position due to multiple baby daddies that don’t pay any CS.
/r/Divorce_Men26/01/25 06:01 PM
7

Great! You got fully divorced from her before she decided to quit her job!
/r/Divorce_Men18/01/25 09:24 PM
18

I installed all of the dating apps at the time. Strategy? Anyone not local? Scammer. Delete. Anyone who wouldn’t meet at 2 weeks at most of chatting? Too skittish to date. Delete. From there? I would go out with any woman who wanted to go out with me. From there? Weed out the drunks, the pill poppers, the pot heads and the princesses. And then weed out the “rescue me” girls. The ones with horrible financial problems. Took a few years, but I did eventually meet wife version 2.0
/r/Divorce_Men18/01/25 05:23 PM
3

It really depends on your state. Certain state like Florida? The family court loves to drag things out for years and years. They drag it out until both the husband and wife are bankrupt and the kids are left destitute. Other states like AZ? They don’t allow these shenanigans that other states allow.
/r/Divorce_Men17/01/25 02:11 PM
6

Yes, the increase in home equity from date of marriage to date of separation -- 50% of that increase in equity is yours.
/r/Divorce_Men15/01/25 09:34 PM
9

When my exwife got remarried, I was always cordial with her new husband. Our daughters were ok with him, but they absolutely loved his daughter. The cool big sister they never had. But their marriage only lasted 6 months and he moved out on a moments notice and they never saw her again. The exhusband would show up here and there. Again, I was always cordial. My exwife said horrible things about my new wife, calling her “useless” and I had her on speakerphone. She was so nasty to the point that o…
/r/Divorce_Men14/01/25 02:05 PM
2

My exwife became addicted to pills. Pure and simple. The great big DUI crashes. She went to rehab, but it was followed by relapse, promises, broken promises, more disasters. I told her that I wanted to divorce her because I didn't want to be "Financially responsible for you and your disasters anymore." She refused to work, not even part time, even though both kids were in school. She said she was "too sick to work", but her "job" was just visiting doctors to get more and more pills. Then the fin…
/r/Divorce_Men13/01/25 06:21 PM
30

That’s the thing. They’re excuses and nothing more. It’s the curse of “only if!” Only if he didn’t look at porn, she’d be interested in sex, Only if he didn’t look more housework, she’d be interested in sex. List goes on and on. You could be the pope, rich, and working your fingers to the bone serving her. And guess what? She’d still have no interest in sex.
/r/Divorce_Men12/01/25 06:22 AM
5

Once I had my own place, I installed the dating apps. I had been in a dead bedroom for awhile with the exwife, so I was eager to get back out there.
/r/Divorce_Men09/01/25 06:21 PM
4

Sure. BTW, divorces in AZ go FAST because they don't allow the shenanigans in family court like other states do. This was a few years ago, pre-covid. 11 year marriage, 2 daughters. High conflict divorce because my exwife wanted every last dime to fund her addictions (and disasters) to pills. Filed for divorce and she got served Nov 1st. I moved out of my separate and sole property house to "keep the peace". Temporary orders meeting 3 weeks later. Got full use of my car, and shared use of the mar…
/r/Divorce_Men09/01/25 04:39 PM
8

I was the one who filed for divorce from my chronically unemployable pill popping exwife. Life got better in stages. Stage 1. I filed for divorce and moved to a hotel for a week. I started being able to sleep. Stage 2. I moved into my own place. Stage 3. I started dating and there was so much excitement. Stage 4. Divorce was done and I made out like a bandit in divorce trial. Stage 5. Whole separation of assets was done - she only got half of my 401k. That was it. No alimony. Stage 6. I got rema…
/r/Divorce_Men09/01/25 02:27 PM
2

File a motion with the family court. Because the support clearinghouse is the one doing the garnishments and they'll keep garnishing until they receiving something from the court. The Court is Supposed-To send a modified order to change/terminate the support order. But they forget, or misfile the paperwork, or whatever. It's not their dime!
/r/Divorce_Men08/01/25 03:19 PM
6

That's the TRUTH! not only was it a "great big DUI crash from popping pills". Both of our kids were in the car when she crashed. She got pinched on a felony DUI and had to do jail time. And still? Family court was like, "Oh, mothers can do no wrong."
/r/Divorce_Men07/01/25 09:37 PM
13

Same here! We met and she worked full time. Two kids came along and she wanted to be a SAHM while they were little. Plan was that she would go back to work part time once they were in school. That didn't happen. She found pills and magically, she was "too sick to work!" Plus all of the disasters from her popping pills and having great big DUI crashes. I divorced her and made out like a bandit -- 50/50 custody and $0 alimony. We got divorced and she got remarried to some desperate guy. He gave up…
/r/Divorce_Men07/01/25 06:10 PM
1

It really depends if this will be low-conflict or high-conflict. And then if the other side is going to make this "their hill to die on" and spend every last dime. Start with Family Law attorney.
/r/Divorce_Men06/01/25 07:13 PM
2

It depends on who the mortgage is with. Some loans are assumable. Or the OP might have other money that he can use to buy out the equity interest of his STBXW.
/r/Divorce_Men03/01/25 08:48 PM
2

You do this. Take the value of the house. Then look up how much is still owed on the mortgage. Value of house minus mortgage amount. That’s your equity. Take that equity. Divide by 2. That $ amount is your STBXW’s equity interest in the home. That’s her buy-out amount.
/r/Divorce_Men03/01/25 07:39 PM
16

She doesn’t want you. What does she want? She wants you to be sad, alone, and pining for her. She doesn’t want you to move on. She doesn’t want you to be happy.
/r/Divorce_Men02/01/25 12:59 AM
19

I laughed my ass off. She likes to play a good game that she’s loving sex all the time. Get married? Switched to a cold fish. Guy she married after me? Same crap. He was smart though: he left her after 6 months of “wedded bliss”
/r/Divorce_Men01/01/25 09:52 PM
6

My daughters were 6and 8 when I filed for divorce and moved out. Both of them had said years later, "I never knew you to be happy with mommy." 11 year marriage with 2 kids. My now exwife after 2nd kid was born and 5 years into the marriage. She found pills. And our lives revolved around getting her more and more pills and then the disasters she would have when she would get behind the wheel and have great big spectacular DUI crashes. Final straw was that the kids were in the car when she crashed…
/r/Divorce_Men31/12/24 04:46 PM
5

When I was splitting with the now exwife, I didn’t tell her anything. Or she would feel the overwhelming need to sabotage my dates.
/r/Divorce_Men28/12/24 11:25 PM
9

You don't have to be happy. You just have to accept it. Accept it that your marriage is over, she moved on. And that how is the time for you move on, to not care anymore, and to "live your best life."
/r/Divorce_Men26/12/24 08:28 PM
2

Mine was never wrong either. She still to this day, doesn't believe she has a problem with pills; Narcotics, mood stabilizers, muscle relaxers, and sleeping pills. I left her because of her pill popping disasters. If you ask her? She has told people it was because I was gay and dating a man. (my girlfriends and new wife have all been 100% women) She has told me that I "abandoned her" and "gave up on the marriage." Too many to count car crashes, both while we were married and after I divorced her…
/r/Divorce_Men17/12/24 08:01 PM
2

It was January. I was in the kitchen cleaning up. And she just started bitching at me and bitching at me. Everything I was doing? It wasn't good enough. She "needed" another car, even though she had totaled her last two cars in great big pill popping DUI crashes. And it if meant that I needed to get a second job? So be it. She was "too sick" to work. I just turned around and told her flat out. Didn't pull any punches. "I have just given up. I don't want to be financially responsible for you and …
/r/Divorce_Men16/12/24 06:42 PM
2

Sorry, but None. It's a crap shoot with Texas Family Court. They're hesitant to do 50/50 custody because it's a concept that's not in the laws of family court. You might get a judge and their judicial discretion leans towards a 50/50 style parenting plan. Or you might get an old-school judge who says that kids need to be with their mother full time and visitation-only for the father.
/r/Divorce_Men16/12/24 05:33 PM
3

Oh Trust me. It is a LOT of work.
/r/Divorce_Men16/12/24 04:44 PM
8

There's no way to get from PointA (where you are) to PointB (where you want to be) without doing your time in the trenches. It took 2 solid years of dating to get to my "Wife version 2.0". It was very difficult, as there is so much dysfunction out there. First you have to weed out the scammers, and then the ones too skittish to date. Then you have to weed out the drunks, the pill poppers, the pot heads and the princesses. Then keep going with the other ones to find someone compatible. 9 out of e…
/r/Divorce_Men16/12/24 02:37 PM
1

Sure. Go ahead and
/r/Divorce_Men15/12/24 04:00 PM
5

I stopped wearing mine after her great big DUI crash when she hurt the kids. She noticed it a few months later. I gave her some lie about it getting caught on metal equipment I was moving for my job. But in reality, I was waiting for her court case to be done, and her to do her jail time, and then I was going to file.
/r/Divorce_Men15/12/24 03:49 AM
5

Going to be dead, honest here. The courts aren’t gonna care one iota.
/r/Divorce_Men14/12/24 08:37 PM
1

They’re 17 and 14 now
/r/Divorce_Men14/12/24 03:02 PM
3

Mine didn't. Mine was a unique situation, as I had to move out and had room mates, but the "marital house" as my separate and sole property, but my ex-wife and kids stayed in the house and I told the judge I moved out to "keep the peace." So my temporary orders were that on Wednesdays and Saturdays at noon, she would have to leave the house and not return until the next day at noon. Plus, since my exwife had a recent conviction for DUI, she had no drivers license and no car, so it was 100% me ha…
/r/Divorce_Men13/12/24 10:20 PM
6

Sorry, but this is going to go bust. I can tell you right now, if she's scared about being divorced? Then she might make an attempt on a few of these items and then in 6 months, back to the way it was before.
/r/Divorce_Men13/12/24 10:10 PM
1

They like to go to the mall. So we go there and have lunch and take them to the teen stores they like; Spencers, Hot Topic, etc. We go on minivacations together, little overnight ones. They're old enough to get their own hotel room. They like their art projects. We do homework together. I take them to school dances. To the far-away mall so they can hang out with their friends. There's a "feed the exotic animals" zoo that's not too far, They like that.
/r/Divorce_Men13/12/24 10:02 PM
7

It's time to get your own lawyer. You want this; 50-50 custody. Most states have 50/50 custody as the baseline now. $0 alimony. Use your last 3 years of tax returns to base yours and her salaries on.
/r/Divorce_Men12/12/24 04:26 AM
2

Me too! When I left my now exwife, our daughters were 6 and 8. The exwife made it clear that her goal was to leave me destitute, working 3 jobs to support her because she was "too sick to work", and never seeing my kids because I would be "always working." She was over the top in her demands. But the judge favored me at trial, I got 50/50 custody and she got $0 alimony. I kept my house and my car. But I had to navigate the new schedule of 50/50 custody. My boss let me have a flexible schedule so…
/r/Divorce_Men11/12/24 02:46 PM
5

I was a 42 year old guy, with 2 young daughters and I had them 50% of the time as per the divorce. I had the very toxic pill popping exwife. But I needed the female touch, so I installed all of the dating apps and went from there. I had to be upfront about a few things. My kids come first. I have my nights with the kids, she has her nights with the kids. That was surprisingly the easy part. The difficult part? It was wading through the prospective dating partners. Between the drunks, the pill po…
/r/Divorce_Men10/12/24 03:24 PM
11

You can't get her to agree. By making herself the primary parent, she gets more CS $'s, or in your case, mitigates your CS claim. And neither parent can say, "I waive my rights to CS!" Because literally 2 seconds later, they can change their mind, go to family court and get CS $'s.
/r/Divorce_Men09/12/24 05:25 PM
2

I was in a totally different position. I was getting out of a toxic 11 year marriage. Friends and family and coworkers used to say, "oh, she's not as bad as you say." So I used to always have her on speaker phone when she'd call up screaming at me that she was out of narcotics (or other pills) again and it was some how magically my fault. Everyone knew I filed and why I needed to file. And once I got the divorce decree in hand, I made out like a bandit. We had to go to trial and let the judge de…
/r/Divorce_Men09/12/24 03:06 PM
4

Inserting the small of microwaved fish.
/r/Divorce_Men09/12/24 12:55 AM
2

AZ divorce and 11 year marriage. She requested 50% of my take home pay in alimony, saying she was "too sick to work." Judge didn't buy it.
/r/Divorce_Men06/12/24 04:11 AM
2

The deal is that statements & affidavits from family and friends are very heavily slanted towards the person who brought them forth. Your mother will say, "Oh my son always treats my grandchildren with such love and respect. He loves those kids. He spends every waking moment taking care of them. The STBXW? Does nothing but smoke crack and throw empty beer cans at them." Her mother will say, "Oh my daughter always treats my grandchildren with such love and respect. She loves those kids. She spend…
/r/Divorce_Men05/12/24 01:49 AM
1

Arizona.
/r/Divorce_Men04/12/24 10:30 PM
1

I feel for you. My wife wasn't an alcoholic, but a pill popper and all of the DUI disasters that followed when she would drive and then crash. Last crash? The kids were in the car too. She did jail time, the whole bit. Did the courts care? Nope. I got 50/50 custody. That was even with court conviction for DUI & jail time.
/r/Divorce_Men04/12/24 09:19 PM
7

Sounds like my exwife. She refused to work and figured "go after STBXH for alimony" is a much better place to be than having to GASP, get a job. I mean, that's crazy talk! "I need money for xxx." "I need money for yyy." She actually tried to play the sympathy card, saying she needed money for the kids. I told her, "I currently pay for the home and the groceries." Then she admitted that she needed money to pay the monthly payment on her $7500 in DUI fines or she would go back to jail. Then she sa…
/r/Divorce_Men04/12/24 08:13 PM
10

I know personally of one guy who did that. He would be on the hook for paying lifetime alimony to his disabled and extremely toxic exwife. I met her, she made my exwife look sane by comparison. She spent them both into bankruptcy court. Their 2 kids were adults at this point in time from a 25 year marriage, married at 20. She had zero idea how unhappy he was. She moved in her also-disabled mother, his toxic MIL into their home. He met a girl in the Philippines and he decided to ditch the USA. Th…
/r/Divorce_Men02/12/24 11:16 PM
1

It makes things easier for her. That way, as soon as he is out of the house, she can file a TRO and have him banned from the property.
/r/Divorce_Men02/12/24 11:09 PM
23

It's a way to get you peacefully "out of the house" and then once you're out, locks changed, that's when she files for divorce.
/r/Divorce_Men02/12/24 06:15 PM
16

She wants something… She has a plan. Is it to reach a milestone so she can get more alimony? Is it because she wants to stay on your health insurance? Do you have an inheritance she will want to try to claim? Unexpected bill coming that she wants you to pay 50% of??
/r/Divorce_Men01/12/24 12:00 AM
8

I didn’t. My kids knew about any lady I was dating. My exwife wanted to control things, but I told her to pound sand.
/r/Divorce_Men30/11/24 11:28 PM
8

It won’t be worth your time. Courts won’t care. They go by police evidence and court records
/r/Divorce_Men29/11/24 02:59 PM
1

I had to go to trial because my now exwife wasn't interested in settling for anything less than every last dime; past, present, and future. I spent $5k. She spent $5.5k. Judge decided in my favor on everything as "most reasonable." Only thing though, due to income disparity, I was forced to pay $3000 of my exwife's legal fees.
/r/Divorce_Men26/11/24 10:52 PM
1

On your 1 hour consult? Let them do some talking. Are they going to stick to meat and potatoes of a divorce? Assets, Debts and child custody. That's everything. If they ask any "how do you feel?" questions? They're going to be a $400+ per hour therapist and looking to pad billable hours.
/r/Divorce_Men25/11/24 05:43 PM
1

My exwife saved it for the next guy. Her original engagement ring, she lost with her wedding ring and mother’s ring. She committed insurance fraud to get a new diamond ring. I divorced her a few years after that. She kept it and started dating a new guy. She wanted to go on his health insurance, so he said they can get married. She whipped out that ring they got married. I told her “it’s the same f$&@%#g ring. She gave a few stories about trading the ring in, different stone, etc. Then her new h…
/r/Divorce_Men25/11/24 12:37 AM
8

Don’t do it!! Don’t co-sign on anything for her. She won’t make the payments and you’ll be stuck. In fact, do this. Put a credit freeze on ALL of your credit bureaus. Let her sink or swim, but she needs to get a job ASAP.
/r/Divorce_Men24/11/24 03:22 PM
17

Deal is that me and the kids have cats. She is not fond of cats. I was going on a business trip for 6 days and the kids were little, like 4 and 1. She said she wasn't going to take care of them -- cat boxes, food or water. I said "fine" and got a neighbor to do it. Before I left, I changed the cat boxes, filled up 2 big water bowls, and 2 food bowls of dry food. I come home 6 days later. Water bowls are empty. Bone Dry. Food bowls are empty. Cat boxes are filthy. I asked her, "Didn't Morgan come…
/r/Divorce_Men21/11/24 05:15 PM
1

I had the exact same thing. 10 year marriage, and 2 kids. I made decent money for the area we live in. But my now exwife refused to work. Her life was fake medical problems that needed 10 different doctors to get a slew of prescriptions to narcotics, mood stabilizers, muscle relaxers and then sleeping pills. She had great big DUI crashes. She was a non-functioning addict. Our relationship was dead and I couldn't deal with her anymore. So that's what I did. Regarding her ability to care for the k…
/r/Divorce_Men19/11/24 05:16 PM
9

That’s the 100% truth. My exwife shot the moon and was so beyond unreasonable in her list of financial demands. I was way more reasonable in my divorce petition. Ended up at trial and I got exactly what I wanted. 50/50 custody. $0 alimony for her. I keep my house and my car. She gets half of my 401k. The just called my list “most reasonable” and basically gave me everything in my petition. For her? Took her 2 days to stop screaming (according to the kids).
/r/Divorce_Men15/11/24 11:56 PM
5

You will probably need to go to trial. There's usually an ulterior motive for it. Does your wife work? She might be looking at getting maximum CS $'s. And it makes a better case for Alimony if she has the kids most of the time. I had to get a lawyer and we had to go to trial. But it paid out in the end. 50/50 custody, minimal CS $, and no alimony.
/r/Divorce_Men15/11/24 03:01 PM
10

Give a donation in her name to a charity organization she doesn’t approve of.
/r/Divorce_Men14/11/24 09:45 PM
10

This is where you RUN to get that divorce petition submitted. And then be prepared to file a motion for a non-paternity event. Because she's not working. Factory worker BF can't afford her and the baby. That leaves you. She wants to stay on your health insurance. She would LOVE IT if the court put you down as the financial father. Please tell me you don't live in Michigan! Because that's exactly what Michigan courts will do -- they'll make you the financial father of the baby because "that's in …
/r/Divorce_Men12/11/24 05:56 PM
2

Cancel your credit cards. Put a lock on each your credit reporting agencies so new lines of credit can't be taken out. Get a new bank account and put your paycheck into that new account. But she has an addiction to spending and she's not going to stop. Been there, done that. For her retail therapy and 10,000 other reasons, I divorced my exwife.
/r/Divorce_Men11/11/24 05:02 PM
4

You're married to an alcoholic. Currently, she's a functioning alcoholic. Been there, done that. Addicts are all the same. She's going to go from a functioning alcoholic, one without any DUI's or DWI's or disasters. She will be so lucky with near-misses and almost-disasters. But soon? Sooner than you realize now. She will get un-lucky. A car crash. A DUI/DWI. She'll hit someone and you'll get sued. Get. Out. Now. This quicksand will only get deeper and guess what? In time, her disasters will end…
/r/Divorce_Men11/11/24 04:56 PM
5

First marriage. Lasted 11 years. First 5 were ok. But then it went downhill with her addictions to pills and all of her disasters when she would crash her car. I just hit 6th anniversary with Wife Version 2.0. Very happy.
/r/Divorce_Men11/11/24 03:02 AM
9

My exwife drove us to bankruptcy court with her refusal to work, her retail therapy and her addictions to prescriptions. Final straw was her DUI crash with the kids in the car. Every month was a struggle to keep our heads above water while tethered to a boat anchor. She got out of jail and I immediately filed for divorce. I refused to pay any of her monthly payment on her $7500 in dui fines. Her parents can pay. I stopped paying on her monthly payment on her reckless driving fines from her previ…
/r/Divorce_Men09/11/24 02:26 PM
3

Same boat. I was fresh out of bankruptcy court and had just split from my now exwife. She stayed in my house with our 2 kids until things could get settled. No way could I rent an apartment. No way to pass the financials of it. And I didn’t have anyone to co-sign for me. And I had cats with me too. So I just wasn’t left with many options. I ended up renting out the master bedroom in a house.
/r/Divorce_Men09/11/24 03:23 AM
6

First relationship breakup post split? Those are always the hardest.
/r/Divorce_Men08/11/24 02:27 PM
3

Don’t fall for it!! Child support is an obligation from parent to child, even if it’s the other parent that receives it. You STBXW can’t sign away her rights to it. And yes, two months after divorce decree she can take you to court and get a CS payment.
/r/Divorce_Men07/11/24 01:59 PM
8

Just get it done and get the answer you need to hear. If you don't, it will gnaw at you forever.
/r/Divorce_Men07/11/24 12:13 AM
6

Don't be too sure on that. People are really, and I mean really, good at hiding things. They have burner phones, telegram or whatapp text messages, FB messenger, etc.
/r/Divorce_Men06/11/24 06:47 PM
31

She had already met someone else long before she gave you "the talk." The speech about "let's do separate bedrooms and see if we can reconnect by the end of the year" was just a speech. She just wanted to see if the "monkey branch to a new relationship" was going to work out or not.
/r/Divorce_Men06/11/24 05:35 PM
5

Here is the deal. Money owed to you from your equity interest in the house is in POST-TAX real dollars. Money owed to her from your retirement is in PRE-TAX dollars. Don't let her do a $1 for $1 offset in the money owed on house for retirement dollars. Because yes, she would most certainly try to do that!
/r/Divorce_Men06/11/24 03:17 PM
1

Ok that's good! Then when you retire, you will have grounds for modification of alimony.
/r/Divorce_Men05/11/24 09:23 PM
2

You'd have to check with your divorce decree on what it says. Courts generally now do an alimony entitlement for xx number of years for $xxx amount. Your divorce decree will say either "non-modifiable or modifiable" depending on verbiage used. And courts are very, and I mean very unlikely to alter an existing alimony award.
/r/Divorce_Men05/11/24 03:46 AM
18

It's called "Testing the waters." If you give in and give her money? It just means you have "SUCKER!" tattooed on your forehead and it means that she can come back to you 2 weeks later for more money.
/r/Divorce_Men04/11/24 09:14 PM
4

Wow. And I thought my exwife was greedy in her expectations! I had to cut the crap because mediation went nowhere. We went to trial. She did so poorly at trial? I heard from the kids she screamed for 2 days straight. If that’s her expectations? You’ll need to go to trial.
/r/Divorce_Men02/11/24 03:18 AM
4

I had the toxic, disaster prone, addicted to pills exwife. If I didn't leave her? She would have ended up costing me everything; my house, my job, my car, my retirement, etc. As soon as I left her, I got control of several things; My finances. I put the "Bank of Jim" is closed sign there. "Too bad you can't pay your monthly payment on you DUI fines because you supposedly can't work. You can either call your family members for money, call your friends for money, or you can get a job. Or just go b…
/r/Divorce_Men01/11/24 10:16 PM
6

My exwife and I had to go to trial. She did horribly at trial and lost big time. She was denied alimony, when she was requested 50% of my take home pay saying she was “too sick to work.” Anyway, she told me that if I didn’t give her $5000 right then and there, she would file an appeal. I said “I won’t stop you. File the appeal.” She never did,
/r/Divorce_Men31/10/24 10:45 PM
1

Pinal county.
/r/Divorce_Men30/10/24 01:57 PM
1

USA state of Arizona. 7 years ago.
/r/Divorce_Men30/10/24 01:56 PM
2

I'll tell you this; Don't be afraid to walk away. In my divorce, AZ requires Mediation first for all "divorce with children". And it's free, to let the couple decide on anything, everything, or nothing they can. So the judge doesn't have to decide. But our divorce mediator, supposed to be impartial, was anything but. Actual statement she made, regarding me wanting 50/50 custody, "Only a horrible person would take the children away from the loving arms of their mother." She and my exwife would ge…
/r/Divorce_Men29/10/24 06:58 PM
8

It sure as hell wasn’t cheaper to keep her, in my Divorce. If I had stayed with her, I would’ve lost everything. Lost my house lost my car, lost my retirement, lost everything. She couldn’t stop spending and having retail therapy. We’ve been divorced a few years now. I’ve rebuilt my life without her. Life is good. For her? She’s always one step away from filing bankruptcy again.
/r/Divorce_Men26/10/24 05:13 PM
3

It was actually Sony lenses. I sold off the two lenses and got myself a canon EF-S 60mm macro.
/r/Divorce_Men26/10/24 02:10 PM
1

I'm going to be dead-honest with you. The woman's lawyer? He knows all of the tricks in the book to get a favorable divorce. And she's going to, for lack of a better term, starve him out. The courts aren't going to care if he loses everything. If he tries to do anything for "father's rights"? The court is going to assign a GAL and then hand the father the bill for the GAL and expect him to pay it. This is a lost cause in California and he's got to be prepared to lose everything. Sorry.
/r/Divorce_Men25/10/24 07:56 PM
6

My now exwife left her wedding dress at my house when we got divorced. It had no value. So I put it up on craiglist asking to trade for some items I would be interested in. And I found some guy who was willing to trade it for a camera and 2 lenses. His wife wanted it for a costume party. It was therapy for me.
/r/Divorce_Men25/10/24 07:26 PM
2

Theory of a deadman. “So happy.” I’m so happy, how about you? Sent you packing, look who laughing now. I’m so happy that I feel this way, so happy that I threw you away.
/r/Divorce_Men25/10/24 01:00 AM
5

Because marital funds were used to pay on that mortgage, and the property increased in value while you were married. Yea, unfortunately she does have a claim to 50% in the equity increase from date of marriage to date of separation.
/r/Divorce_Men24/10/24 02:01 PM
20

After I split from my now exwife I was excited for the future. I wasn't looking for a new wife. I just wanted a connection with a nice woman. I had a lot to offer. From the travel perks from my job, I had loads of frequent flier miles and hotel credits. I had 50/50 custody of my kids and so I had a lot of free nights. I started dating immediately. Met a few nice women, and quite a few duds. But then I met my now wife. We just kind of clicked. My kids like her. We went on trips together and every…
/r/Divorce_Men22/10/24 02:24 PM
3

I tried that for years. To stay with the now exwife for the sake of the kids because they were little. No infidelity, just she has addiction problems to pills and financial problems due to her pill popping disasters. Last straw? Too many to count. So I grit my teeth filed and left her in the dust. Best thing I ever did for the sake of me and the kids.
/r/Divorce_Men20/10/24 02:12 PM
3

Yes I did. But comparatively? My exwife after she found pills? I was left with no choice other than to divorce her. My “wife version 2.0” and I met on OK Cupid. We joke about how our ex-spouses didn’t set the bar very high. But yes, I did meet someone way nicer than my exwife. More considerate. More caring. Sober. Better driver. Better work history. Better in every way.
/r/Divorce_Men20/10/24 05:15 AM
12

Your permission is not needed to get divorced. She did have legal grounds to divorce you. And that legal ground is "I don't want to be married to you anymore." That's all she needs.
/r/Divorce_Men19/10/24 04:42 AM
1

It’s up the discretion of the presiding judge. Some judges will not take any evidence without verifiable proof from police or courts. Some judges will take the mother’s statements as gospel.
/r/Divorce_Men17/10/24 08:17 PM
2

Because my kids were little, I waited until January to tell my now exwife that I wanted to divorce her. I wasn't happy, and I had stopped trying. But your kids are older and they know what's going on, so do it now. Don't wait 3 months.
/r/Divorce_Men16/10/24 03:18 PM
4

It depends if you’re the dumper, or the dumped. I was the dumper and I was so f&#%€g done with with her daily disasters. So it took me literally 5 seconds to be over her.
/r/Divorce_Men13/10/24 05:15 AM
2

My exwife used to do that all of the time. It got old super fast. Anytime she didn’t get her way, she would threaten suicide. Not just to me but to her family members and friends.
/r/Divorce_Men12/10/24 02:48 PM
2

AZ divorce 11 year marriage. Two kids in elementary school. It was awesome.
/r/Divorce_Men11/10/24 11:08 PM
4

It's family court, so it really depends on what state you're in and the judge you get. My exwife wanted me to get visitation only, so she could maximize CS $'s from me. But I'm a good dad, and I fought for 50/50 custody. In the end? The only thing that got me the 50/50 custody? My exwife had a recent conviction & jail time for "DUI with kids in the car" when she crashed while driving high as a kite. It's family court...............
/r/Divorce_Men11/10/24 09:50 PM
2

Nope. Family court isn't like that. In the divorce, since my exwife wasn't working, the judge did rule that I needed to pay $3000 of her legal fees.
/r/Divorce_Men11/10/24 03:33 PM
12

You have your lawyer file a motion that she is to be assigned an imputed wage, that she is intentionally unemployed or under-employed. My situation? My exwife during our divorce was trying to get maximum money out of me in Alimony and Child Support, so she claimed she was "too sick to work." but she had no proof of this and she wasn't collecting disability. I fought for 50/50 custody and $0 alimony. She wanted maximum alimony and full custody of the kids to remain a SAHM. So she filled out the C…
/r/Divorce_Men10/10/24 10:46 PM
–

No, you have to divorce her in the jurisdiction of the location you are a resident of today.
/r/Divorce_Men10/10/24 05:02 PM
1

You need to understand that jewelry has an incredible mark up from "price of raw materials" to "finished product". Someone has to pay for all of those commissions and fancy building and everything else. When you sell it? No one wants to get a ring set from a failed relationship or marriage. They want new stuff. So when you sell it, you'll get the value of the precious metals and then the value of the wholesale price of the stone or stones. That's it. People pay big money for jewelry because they…
/r/Divorce_Men10/10/24 04:01 PM
1

I met my “Wife version 2.0” on OK Cupid. My daughter was 7 at the time and asked me about the app on my phone and what it was for. And she said, “and if you don’t like the girl, tell her OK Stupid.” Truer words have never been spoken.
/r/Divorce_Men10/10/24 01:50 AM
8

Her plan? She keeps the house and puts off the day when she has to split with you 50/50. Or she’s hoping you’ll kick the bucket and she keeps the whole house. Just have family court force the house sale and split it 50/50z
/r/Divorce_Men08/10/24 04:28 AM
6

In my divorce process I learned that I am too young to spend the rest of my life running from one disaster of hers to another. I learned that the kids do love me. That I am worthy of having a new relationship
/r/Divorce_Men06/10/24 04:13 PM
11

I owed my exwife 50% of my 401k via a QDRO, which at like forty grand. But she wanted full cash value because she wanted to spend it. But she wanted to get it for full value and no taxes on it. So she screamed at me, "just cut me a check for it." I said no. I tried to tell her "those are pre-tax dollars." She didn't understand, or just chose to not-understand, and thought if she gave me enough grief, I'd give in. I didn't. I did the QDRO and she got 50% of it in her own 401k. Over the course of …
/r/Divorce_Men02/10/24 11:19 PM
5

As long as your STBXW has you, or her mom, or her sister to pay her bills? What is the incentive to ever get a job? That's the deal. There is no incentive! Don't feel bad. If the kids come to live you full time? That's good for the kids. Your STBXW needs to get a job. Because if you pay it this month? Guess what? She'll have another reason why Next Month she needs you to pay it. The cycle repeats until you're paying for everything.
/r/Divorce_Men02/10/24 06:06 PM
3

My exwife did that while I was divorcing her. She refused to work, and expected me to pay her doc visits for her 10 different doctors. Each copay was $40 and then loads upon loads of scripts. I pleaded poverty. She was already living with her new boyfriend. And she had the audacity to tell me, "you should be ashamed of yourself! New-BF has been paying my prescriptions and you pay for nothing!" And I told her, "Ummm, that's why I'm divorcing you. I pay for everything for the kids." Then after div…
/r/Divorce_Men01/10/24 06:01 PM
3

My exwife did the same thing. We got 50/50 custody and my CS payment to her was small. But she needed more money due to her legal problems, and figured the best way to do this was to get more custody on the paperwork, so increase CS $'s. She did it one time a few years ago, putting her income down as $0 (just like she did when we got divorced), and the judge threw it out, Gave her an imputed income of minimum wage 40 hours. Now this September, she's trying this again, because she has more legal …
/r/Divorce_Men01/10/24 04:15 PM
4

It's true, from when I was in the dating market after I split with my first wife. Every single woman would always hit me with the, "So why are you divorced?" And I was always dead honest with them. "She's a pill popper and hurt the kids in a great big DUI crash." Some women just accepted that at face value, and realized I was just doing the best I could for me and our 2 daughters were the 50/50 custody. But other women were disgusted with me, "How could you leave your wife in her hour of need? A…
/r/Divorce_Men01/10/24 02:39 PM
5

There are lies, damned lies, and then there are statistics. 50% of ALL MARRIAGES end in divorce. But It's skewed. Because the rate for 1st marriages ending in divorce is way less than that. Here's some numbers I just made up; 30% of first marriages end in divorce. 60% of second marriages end in divorce. 70% of third marriages end in divorce.
/r/Divorce_Men30/09/24 04:42 PM
9

It's family court. This is what family court cares about; Current Money. How much money there is, either in assets or debts. Future money. Regarding alimony. Child custody. Who gets the kids and for how much parenting time. Everything else? Courts Do Not Care. The exwife could be Lorena Bobbitt and she'd still get 50%.
/r/Divorce_Men27/09/24 03:13 PM
2

11 year marriage. 2 kids, AZ divorce. My exwife was willfully refusing to work. She tried to say she was "too sick to work" but the judge didn't buy it. The "marital home" was my "Separate and sole property" and there was a deed disclaimer to it.
/r/Divorce_Men25/09/24 07:57 PM
1

Budgeting is also setting money aside for future events like car tires and car batteries, etc.
/r/Divorce_Men25/09/24 07:28 PM
6

From what I've seen? A solid 75%... I was newly split up in my early 40's. Exwife and 2 kids with 50/50 custody. Finances were great (for me) because I kept my house, 50/50 custody and then she got $0 alimony. So I had loads of cash. And then out on the dating market? Had to wade through the addicts -- the drunks, the pill poppers and the pot heads. Then I had to weed out the princesses. After that? The ones that just wanted a free therapist to listen to them droll on and on about their problems…
/r/Divorce_Men25/09/24 03:52 PM
5

Google the Texas child support calculator and put in the numbers. Also factor in who pays health insurance and how much.
/r/Divorce_Men25/09/24 12:51 AM
2

Wow. I just read the Hans Mills divorce. Courts basically looked at his gross earnings and went and assigned every last dollar to the mother. It was like the courts didn't even look at a calculator. Hans Makes $xxx,xxx per year. After TAXES, his take home pay is $yyy.yyy. And then assigned every last dime to her.
/r/Divorce_Men24/09/24 07:13 PM
2

sure, DM me.
/r/Divorce_Men24/09/24 02:29 PM
1

Wow. Patterns emerge! My exwife came from a family of 3 sisters. She was the last one to get divorced. But then she got remarried. And then she got re-divorced again. I hated waiting on them hand and foot. And about a year before I split with my exwife? She made "the announcement." That when the time comes, her mother wouldn't be able to live on her own anymore and she would come to live with us. To add more salt to that wound? She's allergic to cats, and me and the kids have 3 cats. Our daughte…
/r/Divorce_Men24/09/24 02:28 PM
3

You're putting down her income as $0. She needs to be assigned an imputed income to start, as "Minimum Wage 40 hours." Or she gets an imputed income based on the last time she worked for what her education level is.
/r/Divorce_Men23/09/24 09:49 PM
9

I did. I remember it was the day like it was yesterday. We had trial and I was eagerly waiting for a judgment decree from the judge. And I saw the receptionist and she said, "A with-holding order came in for you." I ran upstairs and went into my office and called my lawyer's office. The paralegal said, "Yeah it came today." I ran (literally) across the street to their office and read it off. $0 alimony. I keep my house and my car. She gets half of my 401k. I got 50/50 custody of the kids. Done. …
/r/Divorce_Men23/09/24 09:21 PM
7

She is saying this; "Be 100% unreasonable at first. Then see if he'll agree something to something 75% unreasonable." You can always threaten, "you know, we aren't going to come to an agreement. We probably have to go to trial." That's what I had to do to my exwife. My exwife tried doing that. But she was 100% serious that she wasn't going to settle for anything less than everything - full custody, maximum alimony and CS, my house, my car, etc. Mediation went nowhere. All totaled up? It was more…
/r/Divorce_Men23/09/24 09:04 PM
1

Each state has a child support calculator. This are the tricks that people do; One side might be overestimating the hourly wage of the other. One side might be underestimating the hourly wage they're making, or putting down less than 40 hours. One side might be putting down $0 as the cost of the health insurance. One side might be changing the 50/50 custody arrangement to something that favors them.
/r/Divorce_Men23/09/24 07:43 PM
10

I replaced the pill popping disaster prone exwife with the “wife version 2.0”. So much happier and the kids like their new stepmom.
/r/Divorce_Men21/09/24 11:42 PM
11

Force the sale or say “you have 30 days to refi and give me my 50% equity.” No, you won’t give her 6 months to refinance. Or a year: or 2 years. Tell her 30 days to refinance or it’s going up for sale.
/r/Divorce_Men21/09/24 11:04 PM
31

Same here. My exwife's life royally sucks now. She's flat broke. Lives with her parents. No savings. Loads of bad debt. Drives a shitty car because she has totaled every car she's ever driven. One of her old friends saw her at the store the other day, asked her how she was doing. The friend relayed to me that she's sad about the life she had with me. As I took care of everything. But she wanted more and more until I reached my breaking point with her. Now there's Wife Version 2.0 at my house, an…
/r/Divorce_Men20/09/24 09:42 PM
1

Go there for the sake of the kids. My exwife's father passed away about 3 years after I left her. I was there at the memorial service for the sake of the kids because they asked me to be there. Exwife could pound sand, but anything for the kids. I remember at the funeral service, I saw someone I hadn't see in 7 years. And he recognized me and re-introduced himself, and then I remembered him. We chatted for about 10 minutes. Went like this; "Yeah, some things change. Some always the same. Great t…
/r/Divorce_Men20/09/24 08:06 PM
1

I'm going to be dead set honest with you. Your wife has now reached caregiver burnout. As soon as you said "pain meds" I said to myself, "Been there, done that, escaped." My exwife got addicted to those pain pills from back surgery, migraines, stomach surgeries, etc. I was the main breadwinner and all she did was remain in the gray fog of those pills. I reached complete and total burnout on this and I knew that if I stayed with her? She would have cost me (and the kids) everything - my house, my…
/r/Divorce_Men20/09/24 05:57 PM
3

It's family court and mothers can do no wrong. The final straw that caused me to leave my married? It was her great big DUI crash with the kids in the car. She was driving high as a kite when she plowed into the back of a pickup truck. She went to jail. And still at divorce trial, she was pushing for me to get visitation only. What do you think family court did? I had to push and push to get 50/50 custody. If situations were reversed? And I had gotten a DUI w/ kids in the car? Do you think I wou…
/r/Divorce_Men20/09/24 04:33 PM
3

She's still salty that she didn't get any alimony at our divorce trial. Some of her friends got very favorable divorces with loads of alimony and child support. She's been trying to use Child Support as alimony for all of these year. Asking for more money to pay for her own disasters.
/r/Divorce_Men20/09/24 04:31 PM
2

That was the reason why I stayed for so long -- dealing with my now exwife's pill popping disasters. Her fits of screaming rage when she'd run out of narcotics. The court cases from her great big DUI crashes. But we had 2 little kids at the time. I put up with a lot. Until the final straw was yet another great big DUI crash, but this time the kids were in the car. It was time. She did her jail time and stood there with $7500 in DUI fines. I refused to pay and she refused to work. We were at a st…
/r/Divorce_Men20/09/24 02:27 PM
3

Not difficult at all! AZ family court gives expectations that both parents work full time 40 hours. Or they’re collecting disability payments.
/r/Divorce_Men20/09/24 01:00 PM
1

I don’t have the link, but just google Arizona Child support calculator.
/r/Divorce_Men19/09/24 08:58 PM
7

She's not going to do anything because she has no skin in the game. You have 2 options. Do a "Sold Notice" to your local DMV's website and put in that it now belongs to your exwife. Option 2 is take her back to court and file a motion to have her either give the car back to you, or register it in her name.
/r/Divorce_Men19/09/24 08:19 PM
10

That's the thing. When we were dating, she worked full time, drove a car, etc. She adulted really well. But after the birth of our second kid? She went whole hog on prescription drugs like narcotics and muscle relaxers and mood stabilizers and sleeping pills. Those were the root of why I had to divorce her. We had been sued from her car crashes before.
/r/Divorce_Men19/09/24 08:06 PM
5

My exwife tried to get 50% of my take home pay in alimony, saying she was "too sick to work." Luckily the judge didn't buy it and rejected her request for alimony.
/r/Divorce_Men19/09/24 08:05 PM
2

They're all civil penalties. Looking at About a grand in fines all totaled up.
/r/Divorce_Men19/09/24 06:07 PM
9

This right here! The judge wouldn't buy it, because every state has a cut and dry CS calculator and it's pretty fool proof.
/r/Divorce_Men19/09/24 05:19 PM
2

You need to go back to family court and get this whole thing fixed. If she can't afford the house, get it sold. You can pay the mortgage and subtract that $1700 from the alimony & CS. But she would just take you back to court and say, "He's not paying me my alimony & CS!" Because legally, any money paid outside of the child support clearninghouse would be considered a gift.
/r/Divorce_Men17/09/24 05:31 PM
1

Yes, it's been a few years. Their mom isn't as bad as she was before, but she still has a lot of disasters. She had to move in with her parents a few years ago. The kids and I are doing much better. They're happy. I got remarried and we have a good life. Low stress.
/r/Divorce_Men16/09/24 04:34 PM
2

We were married 5 years and had just our 2nd daughter. Life was good. She had a problem with migraines starting after the birth. And from there, she went whole-hog on those pills. 10 different doctors were prescribing her a whole toxic slew of pills. She never had a problem with pills or drugs until 5 years into our marriage.
/r/Divorce_Men16/09/24 03:58 PM
5

The one event. The final straw the broke the camel’s back. After the birth of our second daughter, she turned to pills- narcotics, muscle relaxers, mood stabilizers, and sleeping pills. Talking whole hog in 18 months. Followed by more disasters. A stint in rehab, got clean and then relapsed again and again. More disaster, usually when she’d crash. And then she got yet another DUI , and this time the kids were in the car when she crashed. She did jail time and had $7500 in DUI fines. She refused …
/r/Divorce_Men16/09/24 03:20 PM
13

In AZ divorces go fast and they don’t allow shenanigans like other states allow to drag out family court for years. My exwife and I couldn’t agree on anything. Not unless I gave her loads of alimony and full custody, and every last dime. So mediation went nowhere and we had to go to trial. It was 9 months from she got served papers, to mediation to trial and decree in hand. We each spent $5000. And it went heavily in my favor.
/r/Divorce_Men15/09/24 03:56 AM
1

Neither. 50/50 joint custody.
/r/Divorce_Men14/09/24 01:55 PM
17

Don't take legal advice from your STBXW. She's full of sh1t. Step 1 get a lawyer and file for divorce. Don't offer alimony. Go for 50/50 custody of the kids. Step 2. Stop listening to her.
/r/Divorce_Men13/09/24 04:08 PM
7

Run Forrest Run! She's definitely trying to manipulate you. Either to keep you as a back up plan, or most likely, to keep you guessing, and so that she can get you to give her a more favorable financial divorce.
/r/Divorce_Men12/09/24 05:18 PM
4

You chances are between slim and none in getting full custody. Their mom would need to be either dead or in prison for that to happen. It is family court. And it’s very mother centric. In my divorce? My exwife had a recent conviction and jail time for “DUI with kids in the car.” She was driving high as a kite on pills when she crashed and totaled her car. Family court gave me 50/50 custody over my ex wife’s objections that “she’s a good mommy and the kids need her more than they need their dad.”…
/r/Divorce_Men12/09/24 12:15 AM
2

No it isn't. If you genuinely like this woman's company? And you're having a good time with free food and free drinks? Then it's OK.
/r/Divorce_Men11/09/24 03:39 PM
6

My "wife version 2.0", back when we were dating, showed me what it was like for her, going on the dating apps. We spent hours laughing at these loser guys. Guys who don't work, and live with their baby momma, or their mother. Guys who want feet pictures. Guys who couldn't afford a taco bell $5 box. Guys who would need to go on a crash diet first, in order to be on "my 700 pound life". Guys that are looking for a much younger nurse to take care of him, or to take care of his parents. Guys that me…
/r/Divorce_Men11/09/24 03:35 PM
1

Going to be honest with you. Courts are very reluctant to change alimony or CS due to change in employment. Most you’ll get is the judge asking why you didn’t immediately get a new job making more?
/r/Divorce_Men10/09/24 12:15 AM
3

It depends really. Non-modifiable -- pro. If you win the lottery or get a great new job, it means she can't come after you for more money for better circumstances. Con. If something bad happens and you become disabled and can't pay, you're stuck. Modifiable -- Pro's and cons are the reverse of non-modifiable.
/r/Divorce_Men09/09/24 09:20 PM
2

It's time to get out! Have a motion that her income for the $$'s she's requesting in Alimony need to be put against an imputed income based on her education level. If she has none, she needs to be assessed at minimum wage 40 hours. My exwife had a whole slew of medical and psychological problems that were all from her growing addiction to pills. She was diagnosed with everything from BPD, to clinical depression, to Adult ADHD, to psychosis, etc, etc. Each doctor would spend 1 minute with her, ju…
/r/Divorce_Men09/09/24 04:47 PM
8

I found that with dating in my 40’s? It was weeding out the undesirables. Between the drunks, the pill poppers, the pot heads, and the princesses? Then gotta weed out the ones with baggage. Or Not over their ex’s. Or the ones with overwhelming financial problems. Doesn’t leave a lot,
/r/Divorce_Men08/09/24 09:54 PM
2

The judges generally follow the divorce plan that the couple agree to. However, if such a plan ends up leaving one person collecting benefits? Like welfare and section 8 housing, then the judge will reject it.
/r/Divorce_Men08/09/24 09:09 PM
2

My kids were 6 and 8 when I left their mom. She (and still is) a pill popper always in some sort of a gray fog of pills. I made out like a bandit in the divorce. I got 50/50 custody of our daughters and she got $0 alimony. My kids and I are super close. They like their stepmom. We vacation together. It’s a nice low stress life here.
/r/Divorce_Men08/09/24 02:39 PM
11

I know exactly what you’re talking about! I divorced my exwife and she had developed a bad habit with money. Basically, “spend all of your money on wants, and then cry that you can’t afford your needs.” I was lucky in that she didn’t get any alimony out of me. Only thing she got was 50% of my 401k because that was a marital asset. 12 months after getting that money? It was all gone and she had nothing to show for it, except for tax bills from the state revenue and the IRS. Her new husband left h…
/r/Divorce_Men07/09/24 01:35 PM
1

As soon as I moved out from living with the now-exwife, I installed the dating apps (all of them) and started dating. We had a dead bedroom and I just wanted to feel that connection again. I met some nice girls, some duds and some absolute crazies.
/r/Divorce_Men05/09/24 03:33 PM
10

Yes, you were too trusting. As soon as she filed for divorce, you should have demanded from the court a temporary orders meeting. Put credit-holds on each of your 3 credit reporting agencies. Cancel or close your credit cards. Don't do anymore favors. You were too nice and now that she had you in her grasp, false hope that you 2 would get back together? Blammo, banged up upside the head with a restraining order. Get a lawyer and move forward with divorce.
/r/Divorce_Men05/09/24 03:00 PM
1

My exwife wasn't an alcoholic. She only drank 1 or 2 times a year. But when she drank? She would drink to get throw-up-all-over-yourself drunk. Impossible to deal with. She was also a pill popper and the disasters that would follow when she'd get behind the wheel and crash. At least with alcoholics, you kind of know what to expect when they drink. With pill poppers? Would she be up at 3am getting "juice cups for the kids" and not knowing they had been asleep for the previous 5 hours and wouldn't…
/r/Divorce_Men05/09/24 02:56 PM
9

Wow! You did amazing! Usually when the GAL makes recommendations like that, the judge sides with the "impartial" GAL and the father gets screwed over and loses everything. You got an immense WIN!
/r/Divorce_Men04/09/24 08:37 PM
1

OP. I hate to say this, but you're caught in a double edged sword. You have no "legal" rights to the daughter. Double edged sword you ask? Depending on your jurisdiction, One branch of Family court would say, "You have been her father figure for 9 years now. You need to financially support her. That's in the best interests of the child." You say fine. But then another branch of that same family court would say, "You are not her legal father or biologically related to this child. Mother has decid…
/r/Divorce_Men03/09/24 07:47 PM
3

My exwife repeatedly threatened not specifically divorce, but she would say "Half!" As in "half of everything, past, present and future." That she'd get alimony of 50% of my take home pay. Plus Child support. Plus half of my house. List went on and on. She would use that as a threat, when I'd try to talk to her about her disasters when she would crash, or scream at me, or other horrible behaviors or actions. She would just say "half" as in the old saying, "It's cheaper to keep her." Well, I reac…
/r/Divorce_Men02/09/24 10:13 PM
2

Regarding infidelity and divorce; First of all, the Child Support is an obligation from parent to child. Infidelity will have no bearing on it. Regarding Alimony and infidelity. Only a few states say, "Cheaters don't get alimony." So you need to know which US State the divorce will be in.
/r/Divorce_Men02/09/24 08:40 PM
3

I do. I divorced my first wife because of her addiction to pills and her disasters. A year post divorce, she got remarried. But they were only married for 6 months before he left her and filed for divorce. I can't imagine why (sarcasm). I had dated a lot, but never met anyone that I wanted to spend my life with. Then I met Wife Version 2.0. I actually met her on OK Cupid. I took her out for a cheap pizza lunch and we just clicked. We just celebrated out 6 year wedding anniversary. I still have t…
/r/Divorce_Men02/09/24 08:25 PM
–

Sorry but you have to be a resident of California for 6 months before you can file for divorce or annulment.
/r/Divorce_Men02/09/24 05:59 PM
4

No, you can't annul your marriage in another state. You would have to be a resident of that other state in order to get divorced in that other state, of which you are not. I hate to say it, but you're stuck, as North Carolina has the longest wait time to file for divorce -- 1 year.
/r/Divorce_Men02/09/24 04:02 PM
8

Big wins were that I got 50/50 custody. And She got $0 alimony. 11 year marriage in AZ. I kept my house and my car. The only thing she got was half of my 401k. She refused to work, and the judge told her that there was no reason why she wasn’t working and it was time to get a job.
/r/Divorce_Men01/09/24 06:55 AM
9

My exwife wouldn’t tell me what she wanted, because no matter what I offered? She was convinced she could get more. So I said “fuckit” and “see you at trial.” At trial? I got everything and it took her 2 days to stop screaming (according to the kids).
/r/Divorce_Men01/09/24 02:51 AM
16

Life has been so much better for me since I got rid of the boat anchor of an exwife. Here’s the thing, she sees me so much happier and healthier now. And the kids come with me everywhere. And she’s stuck working a dead end job and taking care of her disabled mother 24x7. And she confided in her sister, that hind sight is 20-20 and she now wishes she would have done anything and everything to preserve the life she had with me.
/r/Divorce_Men31/08/24 11:21 PM
6

My exwife did that. Got our divorce trial rescheduled 2 months later. And then she had the audacity to demand that I don’t tell my HR department about the divorce, so she could stay on my health insurance so she could continue doctor shopping. Hell no. As soon as I got that divorce decree, on the second to the last day of the month, I scanned it and I uploaded it to the company HR portal to get her kicked off my health insurance asap.
/r/Divorce_Men31/08/24 11:17 PM
15

Me and the kids are cat people. Now-ex-wife wanted a dog. I said “no because you are so f$!&g lazy you’re just going to dump it on me.” She went out and got a foo-foo dog anyway. Then she would bitch at me that I didn’t clean up after it. The dog learned a new trick. If left alone for even 30 seconds, it would overturn the garbage can and then shred everything. I learned a new trick too. I walked away and said @not my f$&@g dog.” I left her and the cats stayed with me and the kids. She has the d…
/r/Divorce_Men31/08/24 10:58 PM
5

It's unfortunate, but a lot of people make family court, their "Hill to die on." Leaving a scorched earth plan that leaves them and their spouse and the children in a financial desert.
/r/Divorce_Men30/08/24 05:13 PM
5

Child support can be modified by anyone at any time. Generally the courts want you to only do it if the change to CS would be 20% change. And custody can be sent back to family court at any time.
/r/Divorce_Men29/08/24 08:32 PM
5

I had already told my now-exwife that I wanted out of the marriage, but financially we were stuck cohabiting, she refused to work. Fast forward she got a felony DUI and $7500 in DUI fines plus $3000 loan to her parents. So she needed $10,000 and I refused to get a second job. And she refused to get a first job. I filed for divorce and she screamed at me so loudly I thought the neighbors were going to call 911. I should have had her served when I wasn’t there…
/r/Divorce_Men28/08/24 12:34 AM
1

This is where you fight everything tooth and nail. Why? Because judges will tend to take what's in the temporary orders and make that the final decree. So get that 50/50 custody. Fight for $0 alimony. My exwife tried to play the whole, "Just get visitation only now and we can revisit more custody later on." And "give me alimony and I'm going to get a job soon." I did that at my temporary orders meeting -- "She can work, she's just refusing to work." "I have a good relationship with my kids and t…
/r/Divorce_Men27/08/24 09:32 PM
1

Oh yes! Then most certainly play that!
/r/Divorce_Men27/08/24 07:29 PM
2

I would not do that. Anything to disrupt court proceedings and the judge will hold you in contempt. But for me, my divorce song was Theory of A Dead Man. "So happy." Best lyrics are "I'm so happy, how about you? Sent you packing, look who's laughing now. I'm so happy that I feel this way, I'm so happy that I threw you away."
/r/Divorce_Men27/08/24 06:53 PM
1

I know. But the exwife just likes to create drama. To desperately try to control the situation. It’s just who she is.
/r/Divorce_Men26/08/24 09:48 PM
21

It's because she wants something. I see the same thing with my exwife. Her "life after divorce" has been terrible. She got remarried, but then re-divorced after 6 months. She's always broke. Her car has a lot of fender bender damage. She has a lot of health problems. She has to take care of her mom 24x7, in addition to trying to hold down a full time job. Her life sucks. 75% of the time she's a royal b1tch to me. And then the other 25% of the time? She's nice to me. Why? Because she wants someth…
/r/Divorce_Men26/08/24 04:50 PM
10

Your exwife is like one of those old dogs sitting on a porch and barks at passing cars, but is too lazy to actually get up and do anything. But still barks at the cars. My exwife has numerous times threatened this; She was going to call Child Protective Services on me because my home "wasn't up to her standards." My reply, "If you feel the need to call CPS, then by all means call CPS. Their number is xxx-xxx-xxxx." She never called. She has threatened legal action numerous times. She tried to ge…
/r/Divorce_Men26/08/24 03:39 PM
28

Here is the deal. Her biological clock is ticking. You’ll end up having a kid and still get divorced.
/r/Divorce_Men24/08/24 11:34 PM
5

Get an atty now. She’s setting the precedent that the kids don’t sleep at your place. So she can get you busted down to visitation only. Get a temporary orders meeting now.
/r/Divorce_Men24/08/24 11:22 PM
1

It's sad, but so many times the GAL does not have the best interests of the children, but instead they're only looking out for their own agenda. To many times a GAL is so mother-centric, that the mother can do no wrong, and even the slightest cough from the father has the GAL screaming Protective Order!!
/r/Divorce_Men23/08/24 10:06 PM
1

Those are all just generic relationship things that lead to divorce. And a spouse who does all of them? They deserve to get divorced.
/r/Divorce_Men23/08/24 07:22 PM
3

Here is the problem with a list like that; it's too subjective. It's not like eating at Mcdonalds. You get a good burger and you give a thumbs up. You get a crusty cold one and you give a thumbs down. As for divorce outcomes, it is more on the clients than the lawyers. Some guys go in there and say, "my exwife cheated on me multiple times! I want her to leave the house & equity to me and I want full custody of the kids." Or like my exwife. She had lofty expectations of getting everything and whe…
/r/Divorce_Men21/08/24 06:15 PM
7

I got back into it when I was 42 and newly single. But I gotta warn you, there's so much disfunction out there! I mostly did the apps and I would go on a date with any girl that would meet up with me. Between the drunks, the pill poppers, the pot heads and the princesses? That knocks out 50%. Then there's the scammers. Anyone who isn't local is 100% scammer. Then there's the time-wasters. Anyone who comes up with excuses not to meet up? They're too skittish to go out on dates. Then you have the …
/r/Divorce_Men20/08/24 04:45 PM
1

Here is the deal. Your daughter is 18 and she's a legal adult. She can do whatever she wants. Does your exwife want to open a bunch of loans in your daughter's name? Make sure you don't cosign on anything! Talk to your daughter about it and ask her if anything nefarious is going on.
/r/Divorce_Men19/08/24 09:52 PM
1

I had told my now exwife that I wanted a divorce. We were in the kitchen and she was just hammering at me that everything I was doing, "wasn't good enough." She wanted a new car, because she had totaled her previous 2 cars in great big DUI crashes. She refused to work, even though both kids were in school because getting pills from 10 different doctors was her full time job. So her solution was that I needed to get a second job. I wasn't doing a good enough job cleaning up the kitchen. And then …
/r/Divorce_Men19/08/24 06:19 PM
3

Hide them in a great place you can hide them. I had to do that in regards to my now exwife while I was divorcing her. I had a safety deposit box from before we were married. Had my mother's and my deceased grandmother's jewelry in it. She wanted half of what was in there. I pulled that stuff out of the safety deposit box and hid it in my desk at work with a lock. She was super pissed about that when she tried to get into the safety deposit box and it was gone. I had a bunch of nice camera lenses…
/r/Divorce_Men19/08/24 05:47 PM
2

Yes she can. All she has to do is dial 911, say she is threatened by you and you punched her. You go to jail and get a restraining order against you.
/r/Divorce_Men19/08/24 12:25 AM
2

Be honest about everything. All evidence. All court stuff. I did that: I submitted two key pieces of evidence. My exwife had a recent conviction for DUI with the kids in the plus jail time. And I had a copy of her last years’ W2 form showing she could work, she was just choosing not to, because she wanted alimony. She screamed at me for “betraying” her like that. In the end? Best things I ever did. 50/50 custody and $0 alimony.
/r/Divorce_Men19/08/24 12:23 AM
33

What do people get wrong? The value of fathers. I fought for 50/50 custody and got it. And my relationship with my two daughters is great. “Why didn’t you just give her full custody and alimony so she could stay being a SAHM?” “Girls need their mom way more than they need their dad.” “Only a horrible person would pull children away from the loving arms of their mother.”
/r/Divorce_Men18/08/24 11:10 PM
1

They base your alimony entitlement to factor in decreases to your take home pay from previous alimony awards and CS too
/r/Divorce_Men18/08/24 03:40 AM
4

It’s a short term marriage. So depending on the judge. One judge might say “no alimony.” Another judge might say “one or two years of alimony.” But that’s too of the ladder.
/r/Divorce_Men18/08/24 03:01 AM
13

I'm so glad I got out!
/r/Divorce_Men14/08/24 09:50 PM
3

Unfortunately, no. CS laws are based on calculations for how much each side earns, how much parenting time each side gets, how many kids there are, and how many children not of this relationship there are. And then it factors in who pays health insurance. Your bills have gone up, so have your ex's bills gone up. I have 50/50 custody of my kids, and my exwife keeps wanting more money, "Because my bills are so high!" Her income is low because she keeps getting fired. Her bills are so high because …
/r/Divorce_Men14/08/24 04:10 PM
1

I love that term! "nuclear wasteland"! For me, it was wading through the drunks, the pill poppers, the pot heads and the princesses. And then the "rescue me girls" who continually make poor financial and life choices and expect some guy (me) to bail them out.
/r/Divorce_Men14/08/24 02:06 PM
1

Yes, it does get looked at negatively if you're spending a lot more than you should, if the sole purpose is to try to get some of that debt transferred to your STBXW. In my case, my now exwife and I were fresh out of bankruptcy court when I filed for divorce. I had my own checking account for direct deposit and paying bills. My exwife refused to work, so I knew if she had access to my account, she'd spend all of the money on herself for stuff we didn't need and couldn't afford.
/r/Divorce_Men13/08/24 07:45 PM
1

I wanted 50/50 custody of our 2 kids and my now exwife wanted me to get visitation only with the promise, "you can come over and see them anytime you want to." I declined on that. Mediation went nowhere as she wouldn't budge on anything. So we had to go to trial. My lawyer said, "AZ is a 50/50 custody state, but family court does tend to side with mothers." But I submitted evidence of her recent conviction for "DUI with kids in the car". She called that a "dick move!" So the judge gave us 50/50 …
/r/Divorce_Men13/08/24 05:38 AM
6

I consider myself lucky. My exwife and I were married for 11 years. She was demanding 50% of my take home pay in alimony alone, and wanting me to get visitation only of the kids to maximize CS. She was a SAHM and she refused to work, even though both kids were in school. She was trying to play the "too sick to work" card, as all of her health problems were from popping pills and having disasters. The judge told her that there was no reason why she wasn't working and gave her $0 alimony and I got…
/r/Divorce_Men13/08/24 04:56 AM
3

Thank you. The "root of the problems" was my exwife's addiction to pills and all of the disasters she caused. The OP asked how to not dwell on his exwife, and how much he misses her. Well, time heals all wounds. Or divorce court does? Maybe a bit of both. All I can say is by doing those 3 things? I felt much better about life. I was happier. I was sleeping better. By working the OT? It lowered my stress because now I wasn't worrying about finances. By spending more and more time with the kids? I…
/r/Divorce_Men12/08/24 07:09 PM
10

To keep my mind off of my ex? I did 3 things; I threw myself into my job. Worked OT if offered and sometimes I'd stay late at the office, unpaid, just to get ahead of my projects. I spent time with my kids, just the 3 of us. Without their mom there to ruin things. I started dating, and I pretty much went out with any woman who would go out on a date with me. Some were duds. Some were nice. And some became girlfriends. By doing that, it left me no time to think about the exwife.
/r/Divorce_Men12/08/24 03:55 PM
1

Do this if you haven't done this already; Get a new bank account in only your name. Put your direct deposit into this account only. Get a Credit Freeze on all 3 credit bureaus for yourself. This will block new lines of credit from being taken out. Call up each credit card and ask them to block new charges. Wait for the temporary orders meeting.
/r/Divorce_Men09/08/24 09:04 PM
14

I have recurring nightmares that I've reconciled with my exwife. It's been a few years since our divorce, and we both got remarried, but her remarriage ended in re-divorce after 6 months. One dream, she has moved into my house and she's rattling around in the kitchen, all whacked out on the dumb dust making a big mess. And I'm again financially tied to her. One dream, we got back together, but then we've lost everything. I've lost my house, my car, my job, everything because of her. I wake up in…
/r/Divorce_Men08/08/24 05:52 AM
2

My exwife tried to brainwash the kids into hating me. But my 2 daughters are, well? Hard to explain. Her brainwashing just didn't work with them. For example, my house is my house, separate and sole property. When I filed, I had to move out for the sake of keeping the peace. Exwife refused to work and wanted loads of alimony and CS$ and to keep my house. She told our kids, 6 and 8 at the time, "Daddy is trying to take our house away and leave us homeless." My youngest talked to me about it. I to…
/r/Divorce_Men07/08/24 04:29 PM
6

My situation was different in that our "marital home" was a new build that I put a contract on when we were just dating, and then closed by me only 3 weeks after we got married. So she signed a deed disclaimer that it is my separate and sole property. 11 years later I'm divorcing her. It's the house our 2 kids grew up in, plus I had a killer refinance rate on it of 2.85%. She demanded half of the equity. I said, "Separate and sole property." But since marital funds were used to pay on the mortga…
/r/Divorce_Men07/08/24 04:20 PM
3

Been there, done that. Still in pain? More narcotics! Still can't sleep? More sleeping pills. Still jittery? More muscle relaxers! Still crazy? More mood medications!
/r/Divorce_Men05/08/24 06:45 PM
5

Memories of being with my exwife -- she's an addict, not to booze, but pills. She only drank a few times a year, but when she would drink, she would drink to get falling down, throwing up all over herself drunk. Every vacation or outing we would try to have, she would ruin by mixing pills and booze. So glad I divorced her. And then from her company's xmas party, the same sh1t happened. She got wasted way too fast, and they had to send her home in an Uber.
/r/Divorce_Men05/08/24 05:51 PM
4

We were married almost 11 years. The first 5 were great. After the birth of our second kid, she found pills and she went whole-hog on those pills. 10 different doctors prescribed her a toxic slew of narcotics, muscle relaxers, mood stabilizers and sleeping pills. She went to rehab and got clean. but that was followed by relapse and more disasters and then promises of sobriety followed by relapses and more disasters. People that knew my exwife when she was younger all cannot explain how much she …
/r/Divorce_Men05/08/24 04:20 PM
6

Yes, in every possible way. In fact, in 4 years of dating, until I met Wife Version 2.0, I have never met anyone worse that my exwife in the way she was towards the end of our marriage. I never met anymore more dysfunctional, as my exwife didn't work and didn't drive. I never met anyone more verbally abusive, as she would go into fits of screaming rage when she would run out of narcotics. I never met anyone worse than her.
/r/Divorce_Men05/08/24 03:40 PM
1

My exwife and I share custody of 2 kids. Amd my exwife lives with her mom now, as neither one could afford to live in their own. I’m cordial with my ex-MIL, but it gets frustrating because she keeps thinking I’m available to do favors for her, like I used to do back when I was married to her daughter.
/r/Divorce_Men05/08/24 02:28 PM
2

First step is to get info on custody and parenting time. That’s the biggest problem right there. Are you going for 50/50 custody and your STBXW is thinking you’ll get visitation only?
/r/Divorce_Men03/08/24 11:38 PM
6

Don't combine a sober spouse with an addict.
/r/Divorce_Men01/08/24 07:52 PM
6

The only regrets I have? I should have divorced her 6 months earlier than I did. But I had to wait for her DUI conviction in order for me to get a better outcome.
/r/Divorce_Men01/08/24 03:13 PM
6

Unless you're in a state where "Cheaters don't get alimony", then drop it. Courts won't care in all other states.
/r/Divorce_Men31/07/24 05:54 PM
21

Yeah, my exwife was like that. Nothing I ever did was good enough. And everything I did all day long, was wrong. If I was snoring at night, she'd wake me up. But if she was snoring and I woke her up? There would be hell to pay. Sure she had totaled every car she had ever driven and lost her license, but she was convinced I needed her help in finding the way out of our neighborhood. That back-seat-driving was so irritating. And the way she interrupted me. Every single conversation. I once pointed…
/r/Divorce_Men31/07/24 05:32 PM
1

Divorce is all about 2 things; Money and Child custody. As for money, get a bank account only in your name and change your direct deposit. Get copies of your last 3 tax returns. Get a list of all assets and debts. Get mortgage statements and equity and retirement accounts and bank accounts. Then get a list of all debts; credit cards, car loans, etc. Then look at your parenting time expectations.
/r/Divorce_Men31/07/24 03:04 PM
2

It's a way for the other spouse to control the situation. In my case, my exwife for a laundry list of reasons, mostly financial, want to control the divorce process. She wanted to wait 12 months so I couldn't use her DUI against her. And by waiting longer, it would make it easier for her to get alimony. But I took away that control from her and I filed for divorce anyway. Mediation went nowhere, not unless I was going to give her everything. So we had to go to trial. Even then she lied on the Af…
/r/Divorce_Men30/07/24 06:40 PM
10

My now exwife tried to do that. With our 6 & 8 year old daughters. The house we lived in was always my separate and sole property house and there was a deed disclaimer on it, as we were only married 3 weeks when we closed on the new build house. So to keep the peace when I filed for divorce, I moved out. But I made it clear to my now exwife, "You'll need to get a job and a new place to live." And that I would be going for 50/50 custody. My exwife refused to work. My exwife told them? She said, "…
/r/Divorce_Men30/07/24 03:58 PM
1

Main question that determines alimony in most states is "Length of marriage."
/r/Divorce_Men30/07/24 01:50 PM
1

Trust me! But my lawyer said “take the 50-50 custody as a win. You can spend $25,000 in court and legal fees and still get 50-50 custody.”
/r/Divorce_Men30/07/24 01:07 PM
2

Well, you're not selfish for wanting parenting time. My situation was different in that my exwife stayed in the neighborhood. But I fought hard for 50/50 custody. The only way I was able to get it, was that my exwife had a recent conviction for "DUI with kids in the car" & jail time, because she was high as a kite on pills when she plowed into the back of a pickup truck. Yeah, that's family court for you! Anyway, I'm so glad I did. My daughters and I are closer than ever. They're in high school …
/r/Divorce_Men30/07/24 02:28 AM
1

how much parenting time are you getting / going for? I was luckily able to get 50/50 custody, which brought down my CS payment to her to acceptable levels. She refused to work, saying she was "too sick to work." Luckily, the judge gave her a deeded income of minimum wage 40 hours. That cut out the alimony right there, so she got $0 alimony.
/r/Divorce_Men29/07/24 11:03 PM
1

I call it the Pendulum. When a lot of women split from a long time relationship, they'll sleep with the first man they meet, just to "set the precedent" that their old relationship is over. That relationship will end up going nowhere. Then the pendulum swings all the way over to the other side and their next relationship will be a "go nowhere but casual". Then when it ends, the pendulum swings back to the other side again. In my dating experience, after I got divorced and was out there dating, I…
/r/Divorce_Men29/07/24 06:58 PM
7

Swap bedrooms with her and take the guest room.
/r/Divorce_Men28/07/24 03:19 AM
7

Top 10 things I don't miss, in random order; Her back seat driving. Sure she totaled every car she ever drove, but she was convinced I needed her help, as I had forgotten the way out of our neighborhood. The 7 hours in the ER so she could get more narcotics. Especially the overnight visits. The court visits for her DUI's. Her verbal abuse directed at me when she would run out narcotics. The way that if she needed anything (even something trivial like she couldn't find the remote control to the T…
/r/Divorce_Men26/07/24 09:08 PM
5

I learned that "Appeasement" (wikipedia entry) didn't work with H1tler, and it sure as hell didn't work with my exwife. In the divorce process I tried to do things to "keep the peace" but it only made her think she was entitled to more. For example, she begged me to keep the cable on while we were split up, "for the sake of the kids." But the problem wasn't cable, it was her buying Pay-Per-View movies. I bitched at her about it and she promised me, "no more Pay per view." And she kept doing it. …
/r/Divorce_Men26/07/24 03:33 PM
1

There are a lot of factors in awarding 50/50 custody. The two main ones are the state you live in and the discretion of the presiding judge. Since 2012, AZ is a 50/50 custody state. There has to be a compelling reason why 50/50 custody should Not be awarded. But family court is still very pro mother. Mothers can do no wrong. In my divorce? My exwife had a recent conviction for DUI with children in the car. The kids were in the car when she plowed into the back of a pick up truck while high as a …
/r/Divorce_Men25/07/24 09:47 PM
6

I left my wife of 11 years when I was 42. Best. Decision. Ever.
/r/Divorce_Men23/07/24 09:47 PM
5

Back when I was dating, until I met Wife Version 2.0. It seemed that 4 out of every 5 women I dated had addiction issues. Between the Drunks, the Pot Heads, The pill poppers, and the princesses. Good gawd! The princesses and their addiction to spending. Buying crap they don't even want. Stuff that will just end up in the landfill 3 weeks from now.
/r/Divorce_Men23/07/24 12:34 AM
6

I all depends on the numbers. When I was with my now exwife, it was a daily struggle on the finances. Imagine desperately trying to keep your head above water while tethered to a boat anchor. She refused to work, not even par time saying she was "too sick to work." After her final disaster, a great big felony DUI crash. Car was totaled, but insurance covered it. But she got a DUI conviction for it, $7500 in DUI fines and a $3000 loan to her parents for a DUI atty. Her solution? She screamed at m…
/r/Divorce_Men23/07/24 12:13 AM
1

Going to be dead honest with you. For men, there are zip, zero, nada, nothing.
/r/Divorce_Men19/07/24 08:43 PM
5

Granted this was a few years ago, and it's in AZ. But my lawyer's rate was $300 an hour. And he had pro-rated rates for "in person meetings" and "voice calls" and "emails". So what did I do? I 95% of the time dealt with his para-legal over email only. Anytime she asked me for documents, I would email them to her. I really only dealt with my lawyer in person a few times and then twice in court, once for temporary orders and once at trial. That was it. End cost of taking my divorce to trial was $5…
/r/Divorce_Men19/07/24 02:42 PM
1

The kids told me. And her friends (now ex-friends) told me.
/r/Divorce_Men19/07/24 02:38 PM
10

Mediation and collaborative divorce failed big time for me. Not unless I was ready to sign away every last dime - past, present and future - to her. And give up my kids. My exwife's goal was to leave me destitute, working 3 jobs, sending every last dime to her and the kids. And seeing the kids 3 times a year. She wasn't going to budge one inch. I tried to work with her. But if you totaled up everything she was telling me was entitled to? It was more than my gross earnings. Her reply? "You can wo…
/r/Divorce_Men18/07/24 03:43 PM
1

Yeah, but what can I do?
/r/Divorce_Men18/07/24 04:19 AM
2

There's more to the story than she's letting on. And if it wasn't the booze? It would have been something else. "I saw you looking at that girl in the crosswalk!" Never mind you were waiting for her to get out of the road so you could make a left hand turn. Just take the divorce and make it easy. Offer her nothing and give her nothing.
/r/Divorce_Men17/07/24 06:02 PM
3

I've tried many times to tell her. But she refuses to stop driving. But she's not my wife anymore, so she's free to crash into people.
/r/Divorce_Men17/07/24 05:03 PM
2

I had to do the same thing -- Almost. My exwife is a flat out terrible driver. She's not the best driver to begin with, but mix in pills and all bets are off on the accidents. She basically for the final 2 years of our marriage, I didn't let her drive. She totaled her car in a great big DUI crash and the state took away her driver's license. She literally couldn't stop crashing. I couldn't afford the insurance, so I had to put her down as an excluded driver on my policy. I divorced her and went …
/r/Divorce_Men17/07/24 04:42 PM
1

Alimony enforcement is generally at the discretion of the presiding judge. Google Ari Schochet. He has been in and out of jail because he can't pay the alimony payments to his exwife, that the yearly totals are more than his gross earnings. And by continually putting him in jail, he can't hold down a job. He was jailed 8 times in 2 years. And in some other jurisdictions? The court just files garnishments or liens and nothing else.
/r/Divorce_Men17/07/24 04:18 PM
1

A dream for some, a nightmare for others. I used to have recurring nightmares that I was still with the Exwife. I'd wake up in a cold sweat.
/r/Divorce_Men16/07/24 07:20 PM
8

It's because a lot of these women don't want a one night stand or a hookup.
/r/Divorce_Men16/07/24 07:12 PM
10

There's a difference between "Catching feelings" and "Doing something stupid." Doing something stupid can be "getting remarried too quickly. Or "moving someone in." But it can also be "cosigning on her new car / apartment" or "taking her on expensive vacations you can't afford." Catching feelings is ok. I did that way too often when I was dating. But my love of money and financial stability prevented me from doing anything stupid.
/r/Divorce_Men16/07/24 03:23 PM
7

Just go to trial. And fight that alimony request! She is refusing to work. Request the judge give her an imputed income. Note -- her business? Let me guess. It's some shitty MLM program where she's going to spend more money one stuff and she will never turn a profit. I had an 11 year marriage with 2 kids to a chronically unemployable pill popper. She made demands of 50% of my take home pay in alimony. The judge gave her $0 alimony and told her to get a job.
/r/Divorce_Men15/07/24 05:51 PM
2

Unfortunately there are zero Pro-bono lawyers out there for dads. Zip. Zero. Nada. At this point in time? Your brother’s financial problems are a lost cause. Other than winning the lottery? Nothing he can do to fix this.
/r/Divorce_Men15/07/24 02:38 PM
5

Dating as an adult is hard. All I can say is reinstall the app and keep going. I pretty much went out any girl that would go out on a date with me. Some were duds. Some were great. But it kept me from thinking so much about my Ex.
/r/Divorce_Men13/07/24 03:08 PM
9

During my divorce, I vowed that I was, from day on, going to live my best life. I wasn’t going to wallow in “what if this happens” or whatever. I took business trips. I spent time alone with the kids. I went to happy hour with coworkers. I went on dates. A lot of dating. It was great. I made sure I had to time to waste.
/r/Divorce_Men11/07/24 03:58 PM
1

Yes, then legally, you're only entitled to 50% of the equity. Because if you got half of the value, say $200,000. Then your exwife would be stuck with a house that has $320,000 mortgages on it, plus $200,000 owed to you. So in effect, she would owe $520,000 on a $400,000 house. The courts would never allow that, because it's unequal.
/r/Divorce_Men10/07/24 11:30 PM
1

Wait a minute. What you're saying is not making sense. You bought it for $225K back 18 years ago, but you only have $80k equity. Do you mean instead there's still $80k left on the mortgage? Or do you mean that there's $80k equity because you have a second mortgage on the house or you did a cash-out refinance on it? Anyway, Equity is equal to "Value of house, minus what is still on the mortgage." Half of the equity is what each side gets when assets are split.
/r/Divorce_Men10/07/24 10:47 PM
5

You have to determine the Value of the house, minus the cost of selling it (realtor fees and title fees). Call that X. Then you have to determine how much is left on the mortgage. Call that Y. X-Y = Equity. Then take Equity and divide by 2. That's how much you owe her. But let me tell you this; The person that keeps the house wants it to be valued as low as possible. So they don't have to pay as much to the other spouse. The person that gets the cash out of equity, they'll want it to be valued a…
/r/Divorce_Men10/07/24 09:43 PM
2

Yes, once you get served divorce papers, you can request the judge to have your STBX release funds to hire your own attorney. Be prepared to show evidence that you don't have access to any money to pay for an atty. If neither you nor your STBX have any money, but her parents are paying for an atty? The judge might say "too bad, so sad."
/r/Divorce_Men10/07/24 07:18 PM
5

It's called "Goal posting" and it's a ploy. She agrees to XXX and YYY and ZZZ. And then you're so close to divorce you can taste it! But then she says, "Nope. You need to do everything and AAA as well." She's testing the waters. If you'll agree to this extra $2500? Well then buddy boy! You'll probably agree to something else after that. And something else after that. It's a trick. And that "lower amount of CS". that's a trick too! Because I guarantee you within 6 months, she will take you back t…
/r/Divorce_Men10/07/24 05:00 PM
2

It really depends on a few factors; How long is your ex going to receive alimony? If it's a "for a certain amount of time", then courts are generally going to just give you the run around until the hourglass runs out. If it is permanent, you can file for a "change in circumstances" type of thing.
/r/Divorce_Men10/07/24 04:56 PM
2

You are financially bound by the divorce decree to the court ordered CS, by what is stated in the divorce decree. So yes, you'd be on the hook for CS while the kids are enrolled full time in college or university until they're 23. Likewise, if after high school, the kid decides to take a year off? Then they're not enrolled and then you immediately file a motion in family court to terminate CS obligations. You can, if you want, file a motion in family court for a modification of Child support. Ju…
/r/Divorce_Men10/07/24 04:42 PM
5

My now exwife and I, at the suggestion of her mom, were to go to marital counseling. But before we even made it to one session, my exwife told me I was not to mention her great big dui crashes, I was not to mention her addictions to pills, and I was most certainly to to mention her fits of screaming rage when she’d run out of narcotics. Apparently, I was 100% the cause of our problems. So I cancelled it, But in reality, I went without her. It was the best thing ever. She helped me a lot. By thir…
/r/Divorce_Men10/07/24 01:27 PM
15

In family court, it does not. Case in point. Both me and my exwife had to fill out the "Affidavit of financial information." We both testified that ours were accurate and truthful. But my exwife was playing the "too sick to work" card. So she put down that she hadn't worked in 2 years. Well I did the previous years taxes as we were still married. So she wouldn't give me her W2, she send me a cell phone pic of it. But on the affidavit, she didn't put down that job. So I entered it as evidence, th…
/r/Divorce_Men09/07/24 07:14 PM
6

Used furniture and mattresses, once they're USED? The value drops by minimum 75%. So you can't quantify that you're leaving her with $5000 worth of used furniture, that you bought new for $5000. It's not worth $5000 anymore. It's worth 25% of that, or $1250. Used mattresses have literally NO value. My exwife tried to do that. She wanted to leave for me all of the furniture that we paid $3000 for 11 years earlier, and value it at $3000. I told her, "These are your options. You can sell it and kee…
/r/Divorce_Men09/07/24 07:03 PM
25

My now exwife was trying to setup a date with an old friend of hers, but she left her FB messenger account open on the computer. I was already in the process of dumping her and having to wait for her DUI conviction to be done so she could do her jail time, and then I was going to file for divorce. I told her, "Just so you know. I know all about you trying to meet up with Dave. I flat out don't care. Better him than me. But you don't have a valid drivers license anymore, so you're not taking my c…
/r/Divorce_Men09/07/24 05:01 PM
2

Unless the mother is Deceased, or in Prison? Don't try to get full custody. It flat out won't happen.
/r/Divorce_Men08/07/24 09:31 PM
1

The problem is that jewelry has a 75 to 90% markup. That $1000 ring? On the open market is worth $100 to $200. It's generally not worth fighting over.
/r/Divorce_Men08/07/24 08:59 PM
4

Here is the deal on Mediation. It's not binding. You can go in there, let them throw down their cards and see if you can agree on anything. I went to mediation with my now exwife and it went horrible, Mediation is free in AZ for "Divorce with children". But my mediator wasn't impartial. Regarding me wanting 50/50 custody, she actually said, "only a horrible person would try to take away children from the loving arms of their mother!" In the end, the 2 of them berated and had beaten me down, and …
/r/Divorce_Men08/07/24 06:21 PM
4

It was 2012 for Arizona to put 50/50 custody as the starting point for custody, "unless there are mitigating factors."
/r/Divorce_Men08/07/24 04:31 PM
7

Here is what you do. Just stop being a simp. Just say screw it and go to trial. Don't give her anything unless you are court ordered to do it. Put credit freezes on all of your credit reporting agencies. First of all, don't accept any deal. Let the IRS put a lien on your house. You have 2 options; Option 1. You let the IRS put the lien on the house. Option 2. You give the house and all of the equity to your STBXW and then you still have the IRS tax debt, except it's now 100% in your name. That's…
/r/Divorce_Men08/07/24 03:49 PM
1

Actual quote from my exwife. "Why don't you want what's in the best interest of the kids?"
/r/Divorce_Men05/07/24 06:55 PM
5

It's family court. They're so slanted towards mothers it's crazy. If I had a conviction & jail time for "DUI with kids in the car", do you think I would have gotten 50/50 custody? Hell no. I would have gotten supervised visitation only.
/r/Divorce_Men05/07/24 03:59 PM
18

I did really good on assets and post-divorce financials, and we had to go to trial. 1. My now exwife and I got a new-build house right after we married. There's a deed disclaimer on it, stating that it was my separate and sole property. 11 years later I was divorcing her and I kept my house. She wanted 50% of the equity, arguing that it was the marital home. Judge sided with me. 2. I went for 50/50 custody. My exwife was against, saying it was "best for the kids" for me to have visitation only. …
/r/Divorce_Men05/07/24 02:31 PM
7

Same boat with my exwife. She lost all interest in sex when she found pills. She was always in the fog of pills and found that when she was one them, she either had zero interest in sex. Or she would be in the gray fog of pills and unable to orgasm. So she didn't want to have sex, and she didn't want me to take care of things myself. When I gave up for that and 10,000 other reasons? She was the same. She enthusiastically gave sex to other men. And she tried to throw it in my face, but by then, I…
/r/Divorce_Men04/07/24 06:50 PM
5

There is no "best". There is only "What works the best for you two, depending on your situation." At the time I got divorced, our judge gave us a 5-2-2-5 schedule. M/T with me. W/Th with her. And we alternate F/S/S. But I worked and she didn't. So I had them every weekend, and most evenings. And then I'd pick them up each time their mom went on vacation or whatever. Nowadays, I work from home, and she works in an office. So I have them each day until the evening and then all weekends.
/r/Divorce_Men02/07/24 08:53 PM
1

The key word here is "imputed income". Your lawyer needs to file a motion that any award of alimony and Child support would been to based on her having an imputed income -- at the very minimum of minimum wage 40 hours/ week.
/r/Divorce_Men02/07/24 07:43 PM
2

Each state has an imputed income. So if your STBXW if collecting disability? That's income. If she's trying to play the "I'm disabled and can't work, but not collecting disability" card? That's where you need a lawyer to not allow that sh1t. As she's not the first person to play that scam.
/r/Divorce_Men02/07/24 03:58 PM
4

Yes, file for divorce NOW, don't wait. Each day you wait makes the quicksand that much deeper. In divorce, my exwife tried to to claim she was "too sick to work", and she told the judge, "I applied for disability, but it hasn't been approved yet." Hoping that the judge would give her alimony. The judge didn't, as AZ law expects both parents to work full time 40 hours. So she was given an imputed income of minimum wage 40 hours. So she was denied alimony. And in the CS paperwork she put her incom…
/r/Divorce_Men02/07/24 03:27 PM
4

Be prepared for the WORST. That's all I can say. And yes, Lawyer up.
/r/Divorce_Men01/07/24 08:09 PM
1

You can't really do that because Child Support is an obligation from Parent to Child, not Ex spouse to Ex spouse, even though it is paid from ex spouse to ex spouse. Like someone else mentioned, there are a few ways to change your CS Obligation, as based on the calculator. Go for as much custody / parenting time as you can. Claim other children you have, in the "Children not from this relationship". Pay other expenses such as the health insurance or child care.
/r/Divorce_Men01/07/24 04:50 PM
12

Yes! A divorce will be more fair in any other state possible than California, New Jersey, or Massachusetts. So yes! Get divorced in Texas! Texas will require that she either get a job, or get an imputed income based on her abilities, but set to a minimum of "minimum wage 40 hours". California will say, "awww. You're so mean! Forcing her to try to get a job! She's too sick to work, even if she doesn't qualify for disability. You have the ability to work 2 jobs to support her, so she doesn't have …
/r/Divorce_Men01/07/24 04:09 PM
2

No. Only income does. Go by your pay stubs and tax returns. If you inherit a rental property? And that rental property generates revenue and you claim that on your taxes as income? Your child support goes up by that. If you inherit $250,000 in a bag o' cash. It won't have any effect on your CS obligation. Not unless there are arrearages on your CS obligations and then it can be garnished from your bank account.
/r/Divorce_Men01/07/24 04:01 PM
16

Yes!!! 10000% truth! My daughters and I have great activities and adventures. And their mom isn’t there to ruin it.
/r/Divorce_Men29/06/24 11:11 PM
3

I kept my house. My now exwife and I were just dating when I put the contract in on the new-build house. We got married and 3 weeks later, we were ready for signing title papers. But her credit was not as good as mine, so the bank offered 2 options. "Keep the same rate and terms, and she signs a deed disclaimer that it's separate and sole property." Or "her name goes on everything, but worse rate and terms." Fast forward 11 years and I'm divorcing her. She wants 50% equity. I say "separate and s…
/r/Divorce_Men28/06/24 07:02 PM
1

Arizona.
/r/Divorce_Men28/06/24 05:12 PM
1

11 years. AZ divorce.
/r/Divorce_Men28/06/24 05:11 PM
2

Wow, getting a Pro Bono family law atty is like winning the lottery.
/r/Divorce_Men27/06/24 10:55 PM
1

I actually left my first wife and divorced her BEFORE she could do those things.
/r/Divorce_Men27/06/24 10:26 PM
7

I spent $5k on lawyers to bring it to trial. She also spent $5k on lawyers. But she refused to work, so due to the income discrepancy, I had to pay $3000 of her lawyer's fees. But the win was everything, because I didn't have to pay any alimony. She was demanding 50% of my take home pay in alimony, saying she was "Too sick to work".
/r/Divorce_Men27/06/24 09:20 PM
1

I was in the same boat, I hadn't been dating in 12 years when I separated from my exwife. But online dating is a dumpster fire. But I was honest in a few things; 1. I went out on a date with any woman that would go out on a date with me. I kept those dates simple. Coffee or lunch or a cheap dinner and a movie. Any woman that wanted an expensive dinner? Nope. She was just having a foodie call. 2. Any woman that just wants to chat? Give it no more than 2 weeks. If she can't garnish up enough time …
/r/Divorce_Men27/06/24 07:40 PM
4

You set boundaries. Know this; The only reason she came back is because it didn't work out staying at her sister's house and she wore out her welcome there, probably asking her sister to babysit while she went out on dates. She is still talking to other men and when she goes out "to see friends" or "her sister", it is to go out on dates. So you set boundaries. Your time is your time. Her time is her time. Spend time with your friends. Go out on dates if you want. Go to the bar if you like. Don't…
/r/Divorce_Men27/06/24 06:10 PM
14

Ignore it. She's testing the waters to see if you'd be open to paying more. Because she knows that any money you give her outside of the Child Support Clearinghouse, is considered a gift. Set the precedent that you pay her this extra $300, and she will demand it each money, or more.
/r/Divorce_Men26/06/24 06:05 PM
2

The courts will never allow some stipulation like that.
/r/Divorce_Men25/06/24 04:13 PM
3

That's the truth! Well that and with the divorce, she would yet again, lost commercial health insurance and be restricted on doctor shopping.
/r/Divorce_Men25/06/24 04:01 PM
11

It's usually how bad the shock is of divorce. I divorced my exwife for 1000's of reasons; she's a pill popper, she screams at me when she runs out of narcotics, she drove to bankruptcy with her disasters, hurt the kids in DUI crash, refuses to work, and this list goes on and on. When the divorce was done, I made out like a bandit. She met a guy and the moved in together. She still refused to work, she just lived off of the "half of my 401k" part of the divorce. A year later? Still not working an…
/r/Divorce_Men25/06/24 03:07 PM
4

It's a scam call. If they call back and it's the person they're trying to seek, the fake police will say, "you missed jury duty, so there's a warrant out for your arrest! But if you pay $xxxxx in gift cards, we can make this all go away." It's a scam. I've gotten that same call.
/r/Divorce_Men25/06/24 02:56 PM
1

I repeatedly has to ask my now exwife "what do you want?" And she would never reply with specifics. Only generalizations like "What I am entitled to!" It wasn't until we tried mediation that she said she was going for every last dime of mine -- past, present and future. I said, "hell no" to mediation" and went to trial. Her expectations were over the top. She expected more than I make from my job -- in combination of Alimony, CS, and then me to pay half of her DUI fines (they're a marital debt s…
/r/Divorce_Men21/06/24 06:23 PM
8

For something like this, because a lot of wives do get remarried -- usually to go on their spouse's insurance plan. But they won't tell their Ex husband because it would jeopardize their alimony payments. So they might not even get married in the same state as you. Fly to Vegas, get married there, fly home. Best solution is to hire a private investigator. That's what one of my friends had to do because he was stuck with those Alimony-ends-on-remarriage. He had an inkling that she got remarried a…
/r/Divorce_Men20/06/24 04:12 PM
2

AZ
/r/Divorce_Men20/06/24 01:11 PM
5

My daughters were 6 and 8 when I filed for divorce and moved out. The first year was tough. But getting 50-50 custody made it all worth it. Theyre both in their teens now. My daughters and I are very close. They tell me everything. We do vacations together and they like their stepmom. I had to divorce their mom, of her disasters would have ended up costing me everything.
/r/Divorce_Men19/06/24 08:46 PM
2

It’s true. The “last straw” was my ex wife’s great big dui crash with the kids in the car. She was driving. High as a kite on pills when she crashed at 40 Mph into the back of a truck. Kids were all banged up with black eyes and goose egg bruises. Even with that? She got jail time too. 50/50 custody.
/r/Divorce_Men19/06/24 07:12 PM
2

Not unless she puts the kids in danger.
/r/Divorce_Men19/06/24 07:10 PM
17

It’s the low stress lifestyle. There’s money in the bank. Kids are happy and 50% custody. No being woken up at 3am while the exwife was having a psychotic break from too many pills. No ER visits for more narcotics. No massive debt from her retail therapy. No court cases from her great give DUI crashes. And now that we’ve been divorced? Her disasters never stopped. But they don’t affect me anymore.
/r/Divorce_Men19/06/24 03:19 PM
1

I mean in that when anyone buys a house, otherwise known as "Real Property". There are 3 options for signing the Title Paperwork; Firstname Lastname as single person, buys xxxxxx house. Firstname Lastname and Firstname Lastname as a married couple, but XXXXX house. FirstName Lastname as a married person, buys XXXX house as separate and sole property. And then included is a deed disclaimer where the other spouse signs away their rights to the property that they have no interest in the home. Which…
/r/Divorce_Men18/06/24 09:37 PM
1

Did you sign a deed disclaimer? Stating that the house was your STBXW's "Separate and sole property"? But you're in CA, so that's the marital home and by CA laws you would be entitled to 50% of the equity. But your STBXW's atty might be giving you bad advice?
/r/Divorce_Men18/06/24 04:55 PM
2

Before I got divorced, my job had a huge project they needed for upgrades. So for 2 years, I did a lot of travel, and a lot of weekends and a lot of overtime. Project was completed and back down to 40 hours standard. I was divorcing my now exwife and she argued that I should be paying alimony and CS obligations based on that OT I got. Granted she was Refusing to work, saying she was too sick to work. Then she offered that since in the past I worked all of that overtime, it was expected of me, an…
/r/Divorce_Men17/06/24 08:54 PM
2

I have nightmares about that. Where my exwife and I reconciled and she's back living with me. Then I wake up in a cold sweat. And my "wife version 2.0" is sleeping next to me.
/r/Divorce_Men17/06/24 06:43 PM
1

Go to the UPS Store. They charge $10
/r/Divorce_Men17/06/24 04:38 PM
3

Do what I did. Go online with the apps. Take a few pics of you doing something you like to do; Driving your car, fishing, hiking, whatever. Make sure they're RECENT pictures. Then try to match with women that are local to you. Any women that are on a dating site that aren't local? 100% scammers. block and ignore. You'll get loads of scammers contacting you. Any women that won't meet in person after chatting for a few days? Not even coffee or lunch or a casual dinner? They're the skittish ones --…
/r/Divorce_Men17/06/24 03:20 PM
4

I spent a lot of time at the office. Going to happy hour with my coworkers. I went on business trips. I spent a lot of time with my kids going to the mall, seeing movies, etc.
/r/Divorce_Men15/06/24 11:05 PM
1

It doesn’t really matter. In my case, I told my now exwife “I have given up trying. I don’t want to be financially responsible you and your disasters.” Then she asked me if I wanted to divorce and I said yes.
/r/Divorce_Men13/06/24 01:52 PM
2

No. AZ is still a presumption of 50/50 custody state. Nothing has changed.
/r/Divorce_Men13/06/24 02:11 AM
8

AZ divorces go fast and cheap. Mediation went nowhere. We went to trial. And AZ courts don’t allow the shenanigans that other states do to drag out divorces and family court. From start to finish was 9 months. $5000 in lawyers fees for me, $5000 for her.
/r/Divorce_Men13/06/24 12:30 AM
2

Here is the deal. You can work 2 or even 3 jobs and pay off your credit card debt. Guess what? She will still rack it up even higher and take out new loans and new lines of credit and you'll be stuck with 50% of it. Do this instead; Put a lock on all of your credit reporting agencies. And file for divorce now. You'll get awarded 50% of debts and 50% of assets. And then once the smoke clears and you are divorced? Then get your second job and pay off your debt.
/r/Divorce_Men12/06/24 03:35 PM
5

AZ for all "divorce with children" has and requires the couple to attend free mediation, so agree on anything they can, so the judge doesn't have to. Our mediation went nowhere, not unless I was going to sign away everything to her. I told her, "See you at trial." I did way better at trial.
/r/Divorce_Men12/06/24 02:48 PM
11

I spent the last half of my married life to the exwife -- literally spending each week struggling to keep our family above water while tethered to a boat anchor. She refused to work, regularly did retail therapy. Plus 10 different doctors for a toxic slew of narcotics and muscle relaxers, mood stabilizers and sleeping pills. Add in countless ER visits when she'd run out of narcotics. Plus court costs for all of her DUI's and car crashes. Final straw was a felony DUI, and I waited for her to get …
/r/Divorce_Men12/06/24 02:46 PM
17

My exwife? Same exact thing. She has never been able to live a frugal life. If she sees $20? She's spending $25. 18 months post divorce she was flat broke (I didn't have to pay alimony) and she had to move in with her parents. They have a rental and she pays her portion of it, but she's always getting her phone turned off, begging her sisters and her mom for money. Money to buy stuff she doesn't even really want. Just the thrill of retail therapy.
/r/Divorce_Men11/06/24 02:22 PM
2

I got divorced in AZ and AZ is a 50/50 state, but the judge's discretion factors a lot. My exwife's final DUI? The kids were in the car when she crashed while driving high as a kite. And 50/50 custody. If I was the one to get a DUI w/ kids in the car and crashing? I would have gotten supervised visitation only.
/r/Divorce_Men10/06/24 10:04 PM
1

Anytime a judge appoints a GAL? It's "Soak the parent that has money" time. A GAL is a lawyer for the kids and they're not cheap. And I hate to say it, but most GAL's are in the mother's court. And a judge will do whatever a GAL says to do.
/r/Divorce_Men10/06/24 06:59 PM
5

I made decent money when I was married to the first wife. I could afford all of my bills and the kids. It was my exwife that I couldn't afford. I couldn't afford her DUI fines, or her reckless driving fines. I couldn't afford her 10 different doctors, or her ER visits, or her prescriptions. Exwife refused to work, as getting more pills was her job. I filed for divorce and I had to leave my own (separate and sole property) house for the sake of keeping the peace. We were fresh out of bankruptcy c…
/r/Divorce_Men10/06/24 06:18 PM
1

I have 2 daughters and at divorce, my exwife was adamant that I was to get visitation only. That way she would be justified in getting loads of alimony and maximum CS$. Well, my exwife had a recent conviction with Jail time for her "DUI with kids in the car" when she crashed. So the judge sided with me and I got 50/50 custody. That's family court for you? Over the past few years, it's been great. My daughters and I are closer than ever. We've gone on vacations together. They like their step-mom.
/r/Divorce_Men10/06/24 03:25 PM
10

My exwife did that twice! Putting her income down as zero. Twice! First time we were in drive court and she submitted the CS paperwork. She stated she was “too sick to work”. Judge denied it and gave her an imputed income of minimum wage 40 hours. 18 months post divorce she was flat broke and got a criminal restitution order for her recent DUI conviction. No way to pay that. She she and her new husband submitted a new CA worksheet, again putting her income down as $0. I got that papers, and requ…
/r/Divorce_Men07/06/24 06:58 PM
6

I made out like a bandit in my divorce. Not going to lie. 11 year marriage in AZ, 2 daughters under 10. House is my separate and sole property. Solid middle class wage earner (me) and she was a chronically unemployable pill popper that refused to work. She wanted 50% of my take home pay in alimony. Plus full custody of the kids to maximize CS $'s. Plus 50% of the equity in my house and 50% of my 401k. Plus for me to pay $500/month to get her a private health insurance plan to continue doctor sho…
/r/Divorce_Men05/06/24 03:14 PM
2

In most states, it would make your child support obligation, as her the state's Child Support Calculator, go up. Because in the calculator, it has spots for "how much mother makes" & "how much father makes" and parenting time and who pays health insurance. And then there's a box for "children not of this relationship". So if you had another child, then your CS payment to your exwife would go down. But if she has another child, then your support payment to her would go up. But that's all predicat…
/r/Divorce_Men05/06/24 02:59 PM
2

You'll need to get a lawyer to have a job-study done on her degree and skill set. Then the motion is applied that she will have an imputed income when determining any support obligations.
/r/Divorce_Men04/06/24 05:59 PM
3

Yes, that and "don't show all of your cards." Keep that a secret. She didn't know that I had a copy of her W2 from the previous year, showing she could work, she was just choosing not to. I submitted it as evidence, but she and her hack-job lawyer didn't go over the evidence until literally the Day Of Trial. Stuff like that.
/r/Divorce_Men03/06/24 05:40 PM
1

I have 50/50 custody of my kids, against the wishes of my exwife. She fought tooth and nail for me to have only visitation of our 2 daughters to maximize CS $'s for her. But at the time she had a recent conviction for felony DUI because the kids were in the car when she crashed while driving high as a kite. So the judge gave us 50/50 custody. (It's family court) Anyway, she refused to work, so she tried to put down her income as $0. The judge threw that out and put in a imputed income of minimum…
/r/Divorce_Men03/06/24 02:26 PM
7

I learned to set boundaries for her. She hated that. If she called me up and screamed at me? I hung up on her. Or I would walk away. An annoying thing she did was ask me a question and then interrupt me each time I tried to answer her question. I would have to scold her like a child and say, "Don't interrupt!" Well that didn't work. So I would just hang up on her or walk away. Another annoying thing she did, both while we were married and then separated. If she needed something, she would just s…
/r/Divorce_Men30/05/24 05:07 PM
12

The reason why she's denying it all? It's because you're not supposed to know that she's been doing everything with him. In the minds of people who lie, if you're not supposed to know the real truth, then that lie then becomes the truth. And they'll get very upset that you don't believe them. Actual conversation with my now exwife; Her "I can't believe you would call me a liar." Me "It's because you just lied to me." Her "But you're not supposed to know that!"
/r/Divorce_Men30/05/24 03:44 PM
1

AZ has and requires freebie mediation for all "divorce with children". So the couple can decide on anything they can, so the judge doesn't have to decide for you. I went in with good intentions. But instead of that? My exwife and the "impartial" mediator railroaded me. Exwife would get me to agree to something in return for something else, and the mediator would write it down in her computer, and then my exwife would back off of her agreement. This went on and on. And pepper in statements from t…
/r/Divorce_Men28/05/24 08:20 PM
7

When I was prepping for divorce, I already had my own bank accounts and cards in my name only. Cancelled my other cards. And then I put a lock on my credit reports. She was pissed.
/r/Divorce_Men27/05/24 02:05 AM
2

No. There was no discovery. Just “affidavit of financial information.”
/r/Divorce_Men25/05/24 01:33 PM
2

Best tip ever? Imputed income based on educational level. Your lawyer will know the paperwork to file.
/r/Divorce_Men24/05/24 02:33 PM
2

We each paid $5000 in lawyers fees to take this to trial (very cheap!). But the judge made an order that I would pay $3000 of her lawyers fees. So all in all, I paid $8000 in lawyers fees. And the $0 alimony? That $8000 paid for itself rather quickly!
/r/Divorce_Men24/05/24 02:31 PM
3

11 year marriage in AZ. 2 kids. She refused to work. Claiming she was "too sick to work". So she got an imputed income of minimum wage 40 hours to factor in everything. But since I got 50/50 custody, that would give her plenty of time to find a job. As for the house, she got 10% of the equity. Because it's my separate and sole property house. She got 50% of the mortgage buy-down from date of marriage to date of separation. Yes, I made out like a bandit in my divorce!
/r/Divorce_Men23/05/24 09:41 PM
11

Just grit your teeth and file. You're not going to get anywhere with her. I was married to an addict, not an alcoholic, but to a pill popper. I tried my damnest to get her to at least tell me, "what do you want out of this divorce" and to "be reasonable." She figured if she held out long enough, I'd just give her everything she wanted, just to be done with her. So I just got with my lawyer and filed for divorce, served her divorce papers and moved out. Hint; mediation went nowhere. Again, not un…
/r/Divorce_Men23/05/24 09:38 PM
8

Some do, some don't. But a lot of them have phased out the free 1 hour consultation. Too much of a time waster for them. People go in for the free consultation and they don't ever file. As for good versus bad attorneys. A lot of it is based on the client and what their expectations are. Divorces are about 2 things; Money and Child custody. That is really all it is about. Keep the drama out of it. I met with my attorney and he stuck to the money and custody. Didn't care one iota about feelings or…
/r/Divorce_Men23/05/24 08:34 PM
3

Here is the deal. Your exwife knows that going to family court and requesting a CS modification request will cost her nothing and she knows that your lawyer is costing you money. All she has to do is request an overview or modification. Anytime she does this, request a hearing. My exwife has done this. She puts her income down as zero (even though she was capable of working, and the judge gave her a imputed income of minimum wage 40 hours) and files new CS paperwork so she can get a lot more mon…
/r/Divorce_Men23/05/24 07:07 PM
2

Look at your divorce decree. If you are an hourly employee, your CS is calculated based on your 40-hour-a-week paycheck. If you were to work OT or a second job, you keep 100% of that. Many times exwives (my exwife included) have tried to get that overtime calculated in. In my exwife's case, she refused to work, saying she was "too sick to work". But at my job, there are times where I did get a bit of OT. So she argued in court, that since I can work OT, my CS calculations should be based on that…
/r/Divorce_Men21/05/24 05:48 PM
8

Sorry man. But your marriage is over. She wasn't over her ex when she married you. Make a clean break and file for divorce. If you get back together? Be prepared to have your daily life scrutinized. You get a scam call from someone wanting to extend your car's warranty? She will think it's a secret lover that you had to hang up on. You go to the grocery store to buy food? She will think you met up with someone. The list goes on. Just make a clean break.
/r/Divorce_Men21/05/24 03:50 PM
4

Her lawyer tried to get her to be reasonable. But she adamantly refused and went to trial, going full throttle in everything she wanted. She wanted maximum alimony, full custody for maximum CS$, half of my 401k, half of the equity in my separate and sole property house. She wanted me to pay $500/month for her to get a commercial health insurance plan to continue doctor shopping. She wanted half of the equity in my car, but the loan to buy the car was "all on Jim." And to top it all off? The cher…
/r/Divorce_Men20/05/24 09:12 PM
4

It really depends on the state and what laws they go by.
/r/Divorce_Men20/05/24 05:43 PM
4

Loans to family members are considered gifts, because that whole, "I got a loan from my family" is so heavily abused, as a tactic to get money out of the other side.
/r/Divorce_Men20/05/24 04:53 PM
18

I think you mean "lifetime alimony." It's rare to be awarded these days. Especially for an "under 10 year marriage." Not unless one spouse is permanently disabled? But actual length of marriage and "state you're getting divorced in" are 2 very important facts you left. Here is for me; 11 year marriage in AZ. Exwife refused to work, claimed she was "too sick to work", but not too sick to have the kids full time. We had to go to trial because she was demanding 50% of my take home pay in alimony. I…
/r/Divorce_Men20/05/24 04:11 PM
3

Tell her “you can want in one hand and sh1t in the other and see which hand fills up faster. Because you ain’t getting what you’re demanding.”
/r/Divorce_Men19/05/24 04:46 PM
4

Stop trying to get her to get a job. It’s not going to happen. File for divorce now. Let all of the assets and debts get put into a pile and split in half. Don’t wait for it to be 10 years and she’s still not working.
/r/Divorce_Men18/05/24 09:55 PM
2

It's all up to the judge. My exwife was under my health insurance plan and she refused to work. She requested to the judge that I be forced to pay $500/month for her to get her own private health insurance plan. The judge refused. She went on the AZ State medicaid.
/r/Divorce_Men17/05/24 05:46 PM
3

After I got divorced to my chronically unemployable pill popper, I went out on the dating market. My goal wasn't to get remarried. I dated a lot, went on trips with women and had a lot of fun. But there is so much dysfunction out there. Between the drunks, the pill poppers, the pot heads and the princesses. And then the ones whose lives are filled with, "I make poor choices and then my life sucks because I keep making the same poor choices over and over again." Then I met my wife version 2.0. We…
/r/Divorce_Men16/05/24 03:53 PM
2

What about the reverse? What if the ex-husband wanted to remarry, but needed the exwife to sign off on it?
/r/Divorce_Men15/05/24 03:11 PM
3

Divorce and family court is a crap shoot. I had a female judge. But for whatever reason? She just hated my exwife. My exwife was left almost destitute. 11 year marriage and 2 kids: exwife refused to work. Judge gave her $0 alimony and told her to get a job. I got 50/50 custody and I kept my house and my car. The only thing she got was half of my 401k because that was a marital asset.
/r/Divorce_Men15/05/24 02:37 PM
1

Yeah, my Wife version 2.0 has said that if she can't have kids of her own, she would settle for stepkids.
/r/Divorce_Men14/05/24 04:45 PM
1

I met my wife version 2.0. I was 44 at the time with 2 young daughters. Only reason she never had kids was that she has endometriosis. She Can’t have kids.
/r/Divorce_Men14/05/24 02:11 PM
12

My exwife kept my last name after the divorce because it was the same as our kids. Then 1 year post divorce, she got remarried and took his last name. 3 months later she told me she wanted to change our kids last names to her new last name. We have 50-50 custody, so I’m not some out-of-the-picture dead beat dad. And the kids didn’t want to change their name. I told her “I will fight you on this.” She dropped it. Then 3 months later. Her new husband left her and filed for divorce. She kept his la…
/r/Divorce_Men14/05/24 12:41 PM
9

Family court is like that. when I divorced my exwife. She had a recent conviction and jail time for a "DUI with kids in the car" when she was high as a kite when she crashed into a truck at 40mph with the kids in the car. Kids were all banged up with black eyes and goose egg bruises. And family court? Didn't care one iota. My exwife was pushing for her to get full custody and me to get visitation only. In the end, I did luckily get 50/50 custody. But even then the judge had reservations about do…
/r/Divorce_Men13/05/24 07:26 PM
1

It really depends on what your divorce decree says. Mine specifically says, "Child support ends upon the age of 18, or graduation from high school, whichever comes later. However, Child support shall not go beyond the age of 19." Very specific. Some states allow CS to go into college years, some don't. It just depends on the wording of the decree. Start off with the exact wording of your decree and tell your exwife "No, I don't agree to extending CS for another 4 years."
/r/Divorce_Men13/05/24 06:56 PM
4

My now exwife was trying to meet up with some guy for sex. But she didn’t have a drivers license or a car due to her recent DUI. And she refused to work so she didn’t have any extra money. And I sure as hell wasn’t going to let her borrow my car (she demanded and I refused). I knew about it because she left FB messenger open. It all blew up at her when I told her, “tell him to drive his sorry ass down her and he can take your sorry ass back with him. However it’ll happen, I don’t care. You’re ju…
/r/Divorce_Men12/05/24 08:08 PM
3

Unfortunately, she could land a Million $/year job and you'd still be stuck in this situation.
/r/Divorce_Men09/05/24 07:09 PM
2

I only did that one time. It was sad... We started dating and she had 3 kids. One older boy 17 from her 1st marriage. And then 2 younger girls (Same age as mine) from her second marriage. Older boy didn't care about meeting me. Older daughter was a mommy's girl. Youngest daughter absolutely loved me. She had plans for me to become her new stepdad. Kids were babysat by the older son while the mom worked, or the kids were in school. We had the meeting between her 2 daughters and my 2 daughters and…
/r/Divorce_Men06/05/24 06:25 PM
1

Here is the deal. There isn't much un-biased research either way. Most I can find is "Look at this one case where the dad killed the kids! That's why dads need to get supervised visitation only! And full custody for the mom." Best to do is to maintain a relationship with your kids, and take all time you can get with the kids and document it. Then put your best face forward in family court. But also realize that depending on your jurisdiction and the discretion of the presiding judge? Family cour…
/r/Divorce_Men06/05/24 04:06 PM
2

My exwife did the same thing. "You're not experienced enough to watch the kids alone." Granted the Kids were 6 and 8 at the time. She had been in & out of the ER for more and more narcotics. And She had done jail time for one of her DUI crashes. So if I was experienced enough to watch the kids alone while she was in jail, I was experienced enough to watch the kids 50/50. Her reasoning for full custody? She wanted maximum CS $'s! She didn't care how much time I spent with the kids, the more the b…
/r/Divorce_Men06/05/24 03:36 PM
5

I’ll have them pick out a card and a token gift, or make her something.
/r/Divorce_Men06/05/24 01:22 PM
1

11 year marriage and AZ divorce. AZ is one of those states where at the time, there was no alimony calculator, it was 100% up to the discretion of the presiding judge. There is an alimony calculator now, but the judge can modify it if they want to.
/r/Divorce_Men03/05/24 04:51 PM
1

Exwife refused to work. So at temporary orders, I was forced to pay everything and the judge told my now exwife “you need to seek employment.” My exwife was trying to play the “too sick to work” card and she didn’t get a job, because she wanted alimony instead. It all worked out after trial. She was denied alimony.
/r/Divorce_Men03/05/24 12:51 PM
2

My lawyer advised me to move out of the house. Because my exwife could just call 911, claim I hit her and then I'd be arrested.
/r/Divorce_Men02/05/24 10:10 PM
4

My daughters were 5 and 7 when I filed for divorce. I fought for 50/50 custody and my now exwife was 100% against it. But the judge gave me the 50/50 custody and it's been great.
/r/Divorce_Men02/05/24 07:52 PM
1

SpouseB can be forced to accept a buyout from SpouseA, as long as SpouseA can pay the amount.
/r/Divorce_Men02/05/24 06:16 PM
2

File a motion with family court in the jurisdiction that presided over your original divorce.
/r/Divorce_Men01/05/24 01:23 AM
16

Here is the deal; Inheritances will have ZERO effect on each side's "Equity interest" in the marital home. None. She could have 16 houses free and clear from an inheritances and it won't matter in divorce court. Made up numbers; The court is going to say, "On the matter of the marital house. the house is valued at $500,000 and there is a $300,000 mortgage on the property. That leaves $200,000 as the equity in the house. Each side has a $100,000 equity interest in the property. SpouseA, if you wa…
/r/Divorce_Men30/04/24 08:04 PM
2

AZ divorce. 11 year marriage 2 kids
/r/Divorce_Men30/04/24 04:56 PM
9

What? Yes do sound petty. And irrational and illogical. "I want to be as spiteful as possible". Partial custody of a dog? Sorry but pets are property. Either she gets the dog 100% or you get the dog 100%. Keep this whole thing on the up and up and don't be tempted to make this divorce your "hill to die on" and then leave a scorched earth policy where every last dime you both have is spent on lawyers.
/r/Divorce_Men30/04/24 02:20 PM
2

Alimony needs to be based on historical earnings; for example your previous 3 tax returns for what your income is. Push for everything to be based on that. My exwife was like that in a way. My job sometimes offers loads of overtime for me when there's a big project. We were divorcing and she wanted CS and Alimony to be based on my ability to work overtime and if no Overtime was offered? Then my CS and Alimony should be based on my ability to work a second job. Because she wasn't able to work at …
/r/Divorce_Men30/04/24 02:10 PM
1

In AZ? Divorces go fast! Get this, from my divorce a few years ago. Nov 1st. She got served divorce papers. Last week of Nov, we had our temporary orders meeting. Divorce trial set for 2nd week of January. Last week of December, we tried mediation, which went nowhere. 2nd week of January, her lawyer wasn't available that day, so divorce trial got pushed out to March. Last week of March, 3 hour divorce trial. Day after Memorial day. Divorce decree In Hand!
/r/Divorce_Men29/04/24 06:53 PM
1

Exwife was a chronically unemployable pill popper for the last half of our 11 year marriage. I divorced her. She got $0 alimony. I got 50/50 custody of the 2 kids. Minimal CS. I kept my house and my car. She got half of my 401k.
/r/Divorce_Men28/04/24 02:11 PM
1

No alimony. But since my actual wage is higher than her “assessed at minimum wage 40 hours”, I do pay her a small amount in CS, even with 50/50 custody. The marital house is my separate and sole property house. I have a deed disclaimer on it, as I used the proceeds from my old house to buy the new one. So the deed and mortgage are only in my name. Since marital funds paid the mortgage, I paid her 50% of the reduction in the mortgage from date of marriage to date of separation.
/r/Divorce_Men28/04/24 04:34 AM
6

Well, after my exwife. I can smell an addict from 3 miles away. Be it alcohol, pills, drugs, spending, whatever. I can sense those bad behaviors now.
/r/Divorce_Men28/04/24 02:00 AM
6

I did get remarried after my divorce. But I was single for over 2 years. I dated a lot and traveled a lot. I love my wife version 2.0
/r/Divorce_Men27/04/24 11:59 PM
8

Best advice. Don’t get remarried. Wait. Wait. Too many people get remarried very quickly post-divorce, and then 6 months later they split up.
/r/Divorce_Men27/04/24 07:53 PM
2

Just smile and grin. And keep your phone on you recording everything for all interactions.
/r/Divorce_Men26/04/24 05:56 PM
2

Yes, when I was dating, I would tell them I'm divorced w/ 2 kids. But I wouldn't mention it unless they asked me.
/r/Divorce_Men26/04/24 04:30 PM
2

First real move towards separation and divorce. I told her, "no". She was used to just snapping her fingers or screaming out my name, and it was her expectation that I was to drop what I was doing and come running. Didn't matter if it wasn't an emergency. I told her, "no, that is not acceptable behavior. Don't do that." She didn't get the message. She kept doing it. So I just started ignoring her when she did that. She was convinced I was going deaf. Followed by many more "no" replies from me. "…
/r/Divorce_Men26/04/24 04:28 PM
5

Kids 14 and older can express their wishes to the judge. And the judge will take into account their wishes. But if there is a reasonable view why the kids should not get their wish, then the judge can overrule their request. For example, 14 year old kid says, "I want to live with dad. I don't like step-dad. He beat me." Ok fine. Other example, 14 year old kid says, "I want to live with dad. Mom has too many rules." And the dad's home or his previous experience states that he won't make the kids …
/r/Divorce_Men25/04/24 08:56 PM
1

Wow! That's like a window into my married life with the exwife. Except for her? For you - "Drove with the kids while high." My case? "she Drove with the kids while high as a kite on pills. Then plowed into the back of a pickup truck at 40mph." She got pinched on a felony DUI for that, and did jail time and $7500 in DUI fines. She refused to work and she gave me (yes me) 2 options to pay for it. 1. I could borrow $10,000 from My Mother to pay for her DUI and the $3000 loan from her parents to pay…
/r/Divorce_Men25/04/24 04:08 PM
2

There are tricks to increase your income without it affecting Alimony or CS. When I was getting divorced, my exwife was desperately trying to play the "too sick to work" card. Even going so far as to say that I had the ability to get a second job to pay for her lifestyle (and be a SAHM), whereas she couldn't even work 1 job, not eve part time. She also argued that I could work more OT at my current job, and as such, could afford to give her alimony and a higher CS. In the end, she was denied ali…
/r/Divorce_Men23/04/24 06:09 PM
2

That made me laugh!!
/r/Divorce_Men23/04/24 12:16 AM
1

Nope. I made out like a bandit at divorce trial. She got $0 alimony. I got 50/50 custody of the kids. I kept my house and my car. The only thing she got was half of my 401k, because that was a marital asset. It took her 2 days to stop screaming.
/r/Divorce_Men23/04/24 12:15 AM
3

Same thing here. I tried to ask my now exwife, a very simple question. "What do you want out of this divorce?" She didn't want to say anything to me. Because her goal was (because I was leaving her) was "everything. Every last dime; past, present and future." Up until the week before our divorce trial, I knew nothing of what she wanted. It was there, when she was on the stand when she outlined everything she wanted.
/r/Divorce_Men22/04/24 06:56 PM
4

My sense of relief came in stages. I was married to a pill popper and all of the disasters she caused. My sense of relief came in stages. I was being put into an early grave with all of her disasters. I bit the bullet and filed for divorce and moved out. I got my own place -- It was then I could sleep. I took control of my finances and told her, "I'm not going to pay your $7500 in dui fines. Get a job if you need money." I started dating. We had our divorce trial. Divorce decree in hand and $0 a…
/r/Divorce_Men22/04/24 05:24 PM
10

I had the flip side. I divorced my pill popper wife and started dating. I made out like a bandit in the divorce, $0 alimony (she refused to work) and 50/50 custody. One woman that was clearly struggling said this to me; "You don't pay alimony? how can you just leave her out in the dust like that?"
/r/Divorce_Men22/04/24 05:13 PM
2

Go to the temporary orders meeting and get the 50/50 custody. Don’t agree to anything, but let her believe that alimony is in her future. And then at divorce, she can see for a 6 year marriage it’s highly unlikely.
/r/Divorce_Men21/04/24 10:09 PM
3

Back when I was dating, and however I got a girl's phone number. My question was always this; "What is your schedule like? I'd like to take you out." And if she gave vague replies about being too busy, etc? It meant she had no interest in dating and I would toss her number.
/r/Divorce_Men19/04/24 08:02 PM
2

They're taking 50% of your take home pay? Crap!
/r/Divorce_Men19/04/24 04:57 PM
14

Don't try it. It's a trap! Child support is an obligation to from parent to child, not parent to parent. She can't sign away her rights to CS payments for the children. Here is what will happen. She owes you $50,000 on the house. She signs forms to get you to sign away your claim to that $50,000 she owes you. You sign the quit claim deed. And then guess what? The CS payments don't stop. You fell for it! Judge will say, "Any monies paid outside of the child support clearinghouse will be considere…
/r/Divorce_Men19/04/24 02:27 PM
1

I would always say "single". Or I'd say, "I'm a single-dad just trying to make it in this world." Just to be funny.
/r/Divorce_Men17/04/24 03:52 PM
1

It's family court and they won't care. Just file no-Fault divorce and make it go as quickly as possible. Once you have the divorce petition, then you can see if mediation will work. Of if she's going to fight you and you have to go to trial.
/r/Divorce_Men14/04/24 04:47 PM
5

Going to be dead set honest with you. It’s family court and they’re very mother-centric. My exwife had a recent conviction for DUI with kids in the car, when she crashed the car while driving high as a kite on pills. 50/50 custody is what the judge ordered. Go for the 50/50 custody and call it a day. And wait for her to have actual disasters that involve the police and the courts.
/r/Divorce_Men13/04/24 03:29 PM
1

YES!! That's a big win. If in the temporary orders meeting there is no award of alimony, there's generally not going to be one later on.
/r/Divorce_Men12/04/24 07:53 PM
2

Your method to divide assets by income levels? It only sounds reasonable to the person who put in more, not the person who put in less.
/r/Divorce_Men11/04/24 04:16 PM
1

There is no "normal." I had to fight for 50/50 custody of the kids, as my ex wanted to remain a SAHM in order to maximize CS $'s. But in our divorce decree, she got $0 alimony and I got 50/50 custody, so that was a double win for me. Originally the judge put in a 5-3-3-5 schedule, but we never stuck to it because of work schedules, but at the end of the month, it was 50/50. As the years have gone on, I have more "awake time" with the kids, because I have a flexible WFH schedule and she has to wo…
/r/Divorce_Men11/04/24 03:28 PM
5

Originally when I filed and left their daughter, I was the worst POS out there. They loaned my exwife $3000 (they put it on a 23% rate credit card) for a DUI atty and a promise from her that I would pay them back. But instead of that, I filed for divorce. They didn’t want to believe that their precious daughter was a drug addict! 18 months post divorce, she had gotten remarried and then re-divorced. And she had to move in with them. That’s when they realized the extent of their daughter’s addict…
/r/Divorce_Men09/04/24 02:06 AM
2

It depends on what your divorce decree says. Sometimes it says, "All out of pocket health costs will be split 50/50" or 70/30, etc.
/r/Divorce_Men05/04/24 05:47 PM
6

For me it was January. We had been having a lot of problems, mostly financial problems due to her pill popping addiction disasters -- crashing cars, ER visits, etc. She refused to work as "taking care of the kids" was her job, but they're in school. We were in the kitchen and she was bitching at me. Everything I was doing wasn't good enough. We were broke and she "needed" another car. She had totaled her last two cars in great big DUI crashes. Her solution was for me to get a second job. I told …
/r/Divorce_Men05/04/24 03:32 PM
1

No, you didn't screw up. I had told my exwife I wanted to divorce her, as I flat out told her, "I don't want to be financially responsible for you and your disasters." She had just totaled the god damn again by driving while high as a kite on pills. So she knew it was eventually going to happen. I moved permanently into the spare bedroom. Then we got sued from one of her crashes. Then we had to file bankruptcy. Then before the bankruptcy was done, she got pinched on a felony DUI because the kids…
/r/Divorce_Men04/04/24 05:00 PM
7

My exwife is the world’s biggest hypochondriac. She’s gone to the ER countless times. So many doctors. So many pharmacies. Urgent care. She’s taken the kids to the ER because one of the had a cough. Her rational for it is “it was New Year’s Eve and the doctors offices were closed.” She took the kid to the ER one time because she had a pimple on her butt. They popped it.
/r/Divorce_Men03/04/24 03:15 AM
8

She's not a drunk. Her problems were always prescription pills - narcotics, muscle relaxers, mood stabilizers, sleeping pills. But you know that if I was the one to crash the car while driving on pills and do jail time? I wouldn't have gotten 50/50 custody. I would have gotten supervised visitation only.
/r/Divorce_Men02/04/24 07:33 PM
8

Same here! Exwife refused to work and her full time job was to "visit 10+ different doctors to get more and more pills." We were drowning in debt from her addictions and her disasters when she would get behind the wheel and crash. We got sued and had to file bankruptcy. And then she got yet another DUI. This time the kids were in the car when she crashed. Jail time and $7500 in DUI fines. I refused to pay filed for divorce. And my income stayed the same, but I'm a frugal person and without being…
/r/Divorce_Men02/04/24 06:04 PM
1

In my case, my exwife got 50% of my 401k (no alimony, and I kept the house and car, made out like a bandit). Anyway, the judge's decree (we had to go to trial) stated that one of us had to have the QDRO created and split the cost 50/50. I had it created and then submitted to the court and then tot he 401k management company. Just so I could be done with this crap.
/r/Divorce_Men02/04/24 04:04 PM
2

There's more to this story. The Philippines doesn't have any divorce laws. There's no way to file for divorce. So he's over there, which pretty much means legally, he has abandoned the marriage and the marital property.
/r/Divorce_Men01/04/24 04:19 PM
2

For me? It had been brewing for awhile. Her pill popping disasters were going to cost us everything. And there we were in the kitchen and I was cleaning up dishes. She told me that everything I was doing, "wasn't good enough." She was a SAHM, and her "job" was to raise the kids. But it was more like "Dump everything on Jim, and visit 10 different doctors for more and more pills". She was hinting that I needed a second job, because she needed another car (she had totaled her previous 2 cars in gr…
/r/Divorce_Men01/04/24 04:00 PM
1

There is no right or wrong answer. But "looking for the next relationship" isn't, and shouldn't be, your goal. your goal is to just start dating. Go out with any woman that will go out on a date with you. Don't talk relationship. Keep it good and fun.
/r/Divorce_Men01/04/24 03:18 PM
27

“You made me feel so caged. So it’s really all your fault that I cheated and left.” Just don’t bother replying.
/r/Divorce_Men01/04/24 01:32 PM
1

Arizona.
/r/Divorce_Men31/03/24 05:39 PM
10

She has ulterior motives for wanting to get back with you. Reason #1. Her AP relationship didn't work out and now she can fall back on you. Basically, the New Relationship Energy went kaput. Then as soon as she finds a new AP, she can leave you again. Reason #2. Financials. Short term marriage = limited alimony, if any. She won't be able to keep her same lifestyle. So she would probably come bac for a few more years until she solidify her financial stuff -- how much she can take you to the clean…
/r/Divorce_Men30/03/24 05:36 PM
3

That's true. But from what I've seen, people in the "middle of a divorce all of a sudden losing their jobs" is abused a lot. "I was moved to a part time position!" "I had to take a new job making 1/3 what I used to make."
/r/Divorce_Men27/03/24 07:48 PM
2

It's not Me saying "she doesn't have these problems." It was her doctors saying, "You don't have this" when they would drop her as a patient. Why did they drop her as a patient? Because she was doctor shopping to get more pills. And she would trade those pills with her friends. She got an ADHD doctor to prescribe her ritalin and adderall because she needed the uppers and to lose weight. She saw a multitude of other doctors for chronic pain because she was "so depressed" and needed more narcotics…
/r/Divorce_Men27/03/24 06:14 PM
8

For me it was a baby-step process. I didn't give myself anytime to sit around. I concentrated on my kids. Free time I spent with them. We went to the mall, to the zoo, to the tourist trap places, the park. I concentrated on my job. I would stay late at the office to get caught up on my projects. I justified it by saying, "I'll get further along than I need to be and have more time to slack off next week." I started dating. I installed all of the dating apps and I pretty much went out for coffee …
/r/Divorce_Men27/03/24 05:19 PM
6

Courts don't let people just say, "ooops! I'm unemployed now! Guess I can't pay my fair share." Courts go by historical earning capacity over the past 3 years.
/r/Divorce_Men27/03/24 05:06 PM
1

It's been years and I still have nightmares about the ex and her pill popping disasters. Some I don't have anymore. I did very well in my divorce (no alimony and 50/50 custody), but the time of divorce, everything was up in the air. But these are the most memorable ones; #1. Divorce was over. I had lost everything. My cats had gone to a shelter and no one adopted them, so they were going to be put down. I was lying on the floor in an empty room of some random place. Everything I had was just a p…
/r/Divorce_Men27/03/24 03:49 PM
3

My exwife found out I was filing for divorce when she was served the divorce papers. And that’s when she and her mom learned that “the bank of Jim” was now closed. I was the worst piece of shit ever. To abandon their daughter. But mostly it was because they all wanted me to find a way to pay my ex wife’s $7500 in DUI fines. Exwife refused to work. She can pay it or go back to jail. Or the ex-in-laws could pay it to keep their daughter out of jail. I didn’t care. Elvis had left the building.
/r/Divorce_Men27/03/24 02:35 PM
4

My exwife and I have 50/50 custody and a 5/2/2/5 schedule from the courts. But in reality? We do our own thing to accommodate work schedules and vacations. I have to admit, since she lives close by, it works.
/r/Divorce_Men27/03/24 02:10 PM
4

Diagnosed? Yes. Did she actually have it? No. It was just a ploy to get more pills. Repeat for BPD. And clinical depression. And adult adhd. And for every over thing out there so she could get more pills.
/r/Divorce_Men27/03/24 02:03 PM
5

The calculator takes into account how much dad makes, how much mom makes to even it out.
/r/Divorce_Men26/03/24 10:01 PM
3

Married for 11 years. She became a pill popper about year 5, after the birth of our second daughter. She had a spotty work history, and she was trying to play the "too sick to work" card. Judge didn't buy it. 50/50 custody, She was refusing to work. But for calculations, the judge gave her a "deeded income" of minimum wage 40 hours. Plus the fact that I pay the kids' health insurance, my CS payment to her was minimal.
/r/Divorce_Men26/03/24 08:10 PM
5

We had to go to trial. I paid $5000 for my attorney. She paid $5000 for hers. Only thing I really lost was half of my 401k, and 15% of my house equity. The $0 alimony and the 50/50 custody? I made out like a bandit.
/r/Divorce_Men26/03/24 07:50 PM
1

I took a day off here and there for court meetings. but work was always my escape from the toxic exwife.
/r/Divorce_Men26/03/24 07:47 PM
10

Fortunately, I was able to get 50/50 custody of my two daughters, so I always get to spend a lot of time with them. But right when we were getting divorced, my exwife moved her new boyfriend and his daughter into their home. That sent me over the top in anger, because some rando-guy was living with my two daughters. But that 50/50 custody helped the situation. One year later, they got married. And she changed her name to his last name. Then she told the kids, "you know, you can call him dad." Th…
/r/Divorce_Men26/03/24 06:51 PM
17

No, she's definitely not. Sometimes she calls me up to cry about how her life sucks now. She got no alimony in the divorce, but she got half of my 401k. By 18 months post divorce, her remarriage had turned into redivorce (6 months of wedded bliss I guess). She was flat broke and had to move in with her parents into their rental house. We share the kids 50/50. She fights with her mom a lot, as she's stuck being her primary care-giver 24/7. She never has more than $300 to her name, as she spends i…
/r/Divorce_Men26/03/24 06:23 PM
3

I have nightmares about that. One of them is that I was in the process of divorcing my exwife and then for whatever reason, after mediation, we didn't get divorced. Then I wake up in a cold sweat. And I have to console myself, "It was just another nightmare.'
/r/Divorce_Men25/03/24 09:09 PM
3

It's because of a few things. Some guys don't file, no matter how horrible their marriage is, because of the divorce-rape in court. "It's cheaper to keep her." Some guys don't file, because they can "get away" to work in an office or business trips. That was me, until I reached my limit, and I filed for divorce.
/r/Divorce_Men25/03/24 06:25 PM
2

When I was getting married to my now exwife, we looked at venues. My first wedding, her second wedding (she had a 6 month marriage when she was 21). I absolutely HATED the "up-sell". You call up and they say, "yeah all inclusive for $5,000" -- includes food and drink. And then you get there and that's the price for a Thursday evening wedding and no alcoholic beverages. And the food is the cheapest sub sandwiches. And then they say, "Oh you want a Saturday wedding? With edible food? Yeah, that's …
/r/Divorce_Men25/03/24 05:10 PM
5

There is something else going on as to why she all of a sudden wants to be with you; She met someone else and wanted to be with that person. Then something happened and that "new relationship" fizzled out. So you're the backup plan. Or she met someone else, got pregnant and that other person left her. So she needs to re-kindle things with you. "Guess what? I'm pregnant!" And the kid isn't yours. Or She or one of her friends/relatives ran the numbers, of her being out on her own and realized she …
/r/Divorce_Men25/03/24 04:54 PM
1

This is where you need a lawyer. Generally, a judge needs to be impartial and disinterested in the case. but if your brother is getting royally screwed over in divorce court? Then yes, that's where your brother's lawyer would need to file motions, etc.
/r/Divorce_Men25/03/24 04:42 PM
2

I started dating as soon as I got my own place. And it was great. Meeting new women, talking to new women.
/r/Divorce_Men25/03/24 04:23 PM
2

When I split with my now exwife, I owned my house. It was my "separate and sole property" house. Because my exwife and I lived in it for 11 years, she wanted 50% of the equity. She wanted 1 of 2 options. Option1. I let her live in the house with the kids for another 12 years and pay all of the household bills until youngest kid turns 18. Then we sell the house, and split the proceeds 50/50. She is convinced that I agreed to this. Option 2. The house gets sold now and we split it 50/50. This is w…
/r/Divorce_Men25/03/24 04:17 PM
8

It was right after my now exwife's great big DUI crash. This time (yes, there were other great big DUI crashes) the kids were in the car when she crashed. She was going 40mph and just plowed into the back of a pickup truck at a red light. Kids were all banged up with bruises and black eyes and she told 10 different stories about "This isn't my fault." One story it was the doctor that prescribed her the pills and she fell asleep while driving. Another story was that a truck pulled out in front of…
/r/Divorce_Men25/03/24 03:01 PM
9

I lost half of my 401k in the divorce. Plus 10% of my house equity (separate and sole property). Plus $5k in lawyers fees. And I had to pay $3k of her lawyer's fees. But was it worth it? You bet! She was denied alimony, and her alimony demands were over the top.
/r/Divorce_Men25/03/24 05:16 AM
3

You need to file a motion for contempt with the court system. She it testing the waters. "Don't pay the HOA." Then you pay it so it doesn't get a lien. Then she doesn't pay for termite treatments. Then you pay it to protect your investment. Because if you let her keep doing what she's doing? You will end up paying for for power, water, new roof, etc.
/r/Divorce_Men22/03/24 05:03 PM
1

I got the safety deposit box before we got married, even before I met her. So she never had a key and she was never an authorized person to open the box. She always knew I had it, filled with my mother's jewelry and my deceased grandmother's jewelry. But when we were getting divorced, we were separating accounts and the bank mentioned it. My ex's eyes lit up and she said, "I want to go through it." She felt she was entitled to half of everything in there. I told her, "no way." And it was at a di…
/r/Divorce_Men22/03/24 03:11 AM
1

Exactly. The judge stated that when we were married, we both lived very modestly -- from the house we lived in, to the cars we drove, etc. There was no reasonable explanation of where I got such a large made up amount of money. The judge stated that if she wanted to front the cost for it, then by all means, she is allowed to do that. But she wouldn't force me to pay for it.
/r/Divorce_Men22/03/24 02:47 AM
1

A judge would have to order me to pay it. And as it was there, the judge told her that as it stands there was no reasonable expectation that I was hiding money.
/r/Divorce_Men22/03/24 01:20 AM
9

My exwife tried to do that -- 11 year marriage and she refused to work. She was convinced that I was hiding money from her! Money that she was ENTITLED to. She argued that once my mother dies, I will get a good inheritance and therefore I can pay her loads of alimony. Yeah, she got $0 alimony. She tried to get at my safety deposit box that had all of my mother's and (deceased) grandmother's gold jewelry in it. She didn't get at it. She was convinced that my car was a marital asset and she gets h…
/r/Divorce_Men21/03/24 03:07 PM
1

I told my now exwife that I wanted to divorce her, specifically that, "I don't want to be financially responsible for you and your pill popping disasters anymore." But we couldn't separate just yet. Kids were little and she refused to work. No way to pay for 2 households. I moved permanently into the spare bedroom. And when more sh1t got stirred and yet another disaster of hers, I filed for divorce and she got served. That night, I packed my suitcase and moved to a hotel. By the end of the week,…
/r/Divorce_Men21/03/24 02:42 PM
10

Morally? Yes she should get a job and support your son in college. Legally? No. If it's not in the agreement for divorce? Nothing you can do. In fact, most states now, have it written that no support can be past 18 years old. In my case, I have 50/50 custody of the kids, but I do pay a small amount in CS. I would continue to pay until they're 18 years old, or graduation from high school, whichever comes later. And support not to exceed 19 years old.
/r/Divorce_Men21/03/24 03:00 AM
1

The deal is this; Did either of you adopt your grandson? If she has no "skin in the game", then the answer is "no, she won't get custody". Probably visitation only.
/r/Divorce_Men18/03/24 07:22 PM
4

Don't do it. You know why? It's because you'll have SUCKER tattooed on your forehead. Here is what is going to happen. YOu'll give her $1000 a month "just until next year when she gets the promotion at work." But there will be delays in getting that promotion. And she'll still want that $1000/month as a gift. It'll keep going on and on until 1 of 2 things happen; You finally realize she's never going to get that promotion, because it was just a ploy to get money out of you. She already got the p…
/r/Divorce_Men17/03/24 02:24 AM
9

It’s skewed in favor of “the mother”. Exwife had a recent conviction for “DUI with kids in the car.” Jail time and lost license. Kids were in the car when she crashed. Got me 50/50 custody. Do you think if I, as a dad, had a conviction for the same thing? Do you think I’d get 50/50 cut? Hell no. I’d get supervised visitation only.
/r/Divorce_Men16/03/24 11:01 PM
11

I was putting my 2 year old daughter to bed. I had put her pull-up on her, and I was blowing raspberries on her tummy and she was laughing. She accused me of doing “bad” things to her, and that I shouldn’t be left alone with the kids.
/r/Divorce_Men16/03/24 10:56 PM
3

I was married to a woman for 11 years. 5 years and 2 kids, she found pills. And our lives revolved around her addictions and all other disasters. I did get remarried to a nice sober woman. I’m happy,
/r/Divorce_Men16/03/24 02:10 AM
4

In my case, before I filed for divorce, my exwife had screamed at me that I needed to go to therapy. So I went without telling her. By third session, my therapist said this to me. She said “it’s time to talk about divorce. Marriages like these rarely worked out. The sober spouse becomes overwhelmingly resentful of the addict spouse and all of their disasters.” It was true. After I filed, and she got served? I let it slip that I had seen a therapist. My exwife wasn’t happy about that. Instead of …
/r/Divorce_Men15/03/24 02:54 PM
11

AZ required free mediation for divorce with children. I went to it with my now exwife. The two of them tag teamed me and railroaded me into giving up everything and her giving up nothing. Mediator actually said “only a horrible person would take away the children from the loving arms of their mother.” But fortune favored me. The notary went home 15 minutes before we were done. So nothing was signed. I took that agreement and tossed it in the trash/. She submitted that mediation agreement to the …
/r/Divorce_Men15/03/24 03:18 AM
3

My exwife tried that. To submit a “partially signed mediation agreement” as evidence. I refused to sign because the mediator and my exwife railroaded this horrible agreement. And the judge tossed it too.
/r/Divorce_Men13/03/24 12:59 AM
18

It's time to cut the crap and stalling. Just file for divorce and go straight to trial. I had to do that with my exwife, 10 years in, except we have 2 kids and she refused to work. She tried claiming she was "too sick to work." Mediation went nowhere and she wasn't going to budge on her expectation of "half for life." And some of her friends got very favorable divorces with loads of alimony and full custody and the ex-husband was left destitute. She wanted that. We went to trial and she didn't g…
/r/Divorce_Men12/03/24 05:00 PM
2

It's time to just rip the bandaid off. Since you don't live in a common-law state, that's great news. It's time to sit down with her and give her several options; Option 1. She moves out and you get a custody order or parenting time order from a judge and pay child support. Option 2. She pays market rate rent for the home she lives in, and you get a custody order or parenting time order from a judge and pay child support.
/r/Divorce_Men11/03/24 05:24 PM
8

I remember when I divorced my exwife. She's a pill popper. No driver's license. No car. Refused to work. But hell, there are loser guys that are desperate enough to date her. I laughed each time there was a new guy and it was "true love." About the time our divorce was final, she met a new guy and he and his daughter immediately moved in with her and My Two Daughters. But legally? Nothing I could do about it. 1 year later, she texted me that she was getting married. I was at work and I laughed s…
/r/Divorce_Men11/03/24 04:53 PM
3

Just bite the bullet and get a lawyer of your own and file for divorce.
/r/Divorce_Men09/03/24 11:16 PM
1

Stands for "Too long, didn't read". It's for when someone doesn't want the full story.
/r/Divorce_Men08/03/24 10:24 PM
3

In AZ, for "divorced with children", the state has free mediation, and requires it too. So the couple can decide on anything they can, so the judge won't have to decide. Sounds great. Except in my mediation, the mediator and my exwife railroaded me into giving up almost everything. "Only a horrible person would take away children from their loving mother." The mediator ACTUALLY SAID THAT! The two of them had me second guessing everything. About me being a good dad and the kids and my finances. I…
/r/Divorce_Men08/03/24 04:08 PM
15

That's the sad thing about family court. They would never let a guy, in a million years quit his job to go to grad school and award him alimony!
/r/Divorce_Men08/03/24 03:08 PM
2

The deal is that Virginia doesn't recognize "common law marriage". She might be trying to pull a fast one and file for divorce in a state that does recognize common law marriage.
/r/Divorce_Men07/03/24 05:43 PM
2

In my case, I told my now exwife I wanted to divorce her due to her disasters from pills. But we couldn't due to financial problems. So I just moved into the guest room. She always wanted a dog, but me and the kids (two daughters) are cat-people. So a month later, she went out and got a little foo-foo dog. I told her a few things, setting up boundaries. "I want absolutely nothing to do with that dog. I will not feed it, take it for walks, clean up after it, whatever. I will pretend it doesn't ex…
/r/Divorce_Men07/03/24 04:19 PM
1

Here is the deal. Once a final custody & parenting order is in place? Courts are highly unlikely to change them at a later time. "If it ain't broke, don't fix it." And since there's a GAL involved? Yeah, 50/50 custody isn't going to happen. All the GAL does is say, "Best interests of the children are to be with mother as much as possible." And don't fall for the "if dad does this, then he can get 50/50 custody." Don't fall for it. You can move 2 houses down from her. And nothing will change.
/r/Divorce_Men06/03/24 08:32 PM
4

You do what is right and best for you and your situation with your boys. There are some guys that generally need to have zero contact with their kids. There are some guys that are good with visitation only. In my situation? I fought for 50/50 custody of my 2 daughters. So glad I did.
/r/Divorce_Men04/03/24 09:35 PM
2

NO! Let the court do the "Support clearinghouse" and do a wage garnishment. Or send the money to the support clearinghouse via their web portal. Keep the court in it. And keep the evidence. Why? It's because in most states they have a clause, "Any support paid outside of the support clearinghouse will be considered a gift." And then she can take you back to court 2 years later and say, "But these were all gifts!" And the judge will say, "Agreed! You owe back child support of thousands and thousa…
/r/Divorce_Men04/03/24 06:24 PM
3

The wedding ring is gold. It has value. Take it to a jewelry store and sell it. They'll give you the value of the gold. Then take whatever money you get for it? 2 options; Spend it on yourself. Donate it to a worthy cause that you support.
/r/Divorce_Men04/03/24 05:51 PM
7

I was single for almost 3 years. I had been in a dead bedroom with my exwife, and when I filed, I moved out. I started dating. Met some nice girls. Met some absolute train wrecks. But hell, I have to admit I didn't meet anyone that was a bigger train wreck than the exwife. Then I met a nice woman. We clicked. We got married. Still very happy.
/r/Divorce_Men04/03/24 05:34 PM
2

It’s family court. There are literally zero, as in none, any at all, never going to be, any free attorneys that will represent a dad in family court,
/r/Divorce_Men03/03/24 05:33 PM
5

Just file for divorce. And don’t bother reading those messages that “it’s all your fault.”
/r/Divorce_Men03/03/24 04:38 PM
0

Here is the deal. 99 out of 100 GAL’s out there are going to take your money and say “best interests of the child are to be with mother, and father should get visitation.” Secondly, don’t fall for the whole “oh, just me full custody now and in time we can re-evaluate.” Once courts make a decision on custody and parenting time? It will stick forever.
/r/Divorce_Men03/03/24 04:37 PM
2

Our “marital home” was my separate and sole property. When I was just dating my now exwife, I put a contract on a new build house. After we got married, the house was ready for closing. But her credit wasn’t good. So the bank said “either she signs a deed disclaimer, or we do new numbers at a much higher interest rate.” She signed the deed disclaimer. Plus, I put down a sizable down payment from the sale of my old house. 11 years later we are getting divorced and she wanted the house. Or at leas…
/r/Divorce_Men03/03/24 05:06 AM
2

Too many unknown variables here. What state or country? How long of a marriage? Earnings?? Kids?
/r/Divorce_Men02/03/24 11:54 PM
2

I offered to her alimony of 20% of my pay for 5 years. She said no. She was entitled to 50%. And she wouldn’t budge on anything.
/r/Divorce_Men02/03/24 05:58 PM
1

It felt great! I texted all of my friends the great news.
/r/Divorce_Men02/03/24 03:59 AM
9

Yes, we had to go to trial. My exwife was adamant that she was entitled to everything. Every last dime - past, present, future. She must've said "I am entitled to..." more than 1000 times. She was a SAHM, and "too sick to work." But she wanted full custody of the kids, because "she knows what's best for them." Mediation went nowhere, not unless I was going to sign everything away to her. She stood her ground. So we went to trial and her "list of demands" was over the top. 50% of my take home pay…
/r/Divorce_Men01/03/24 03:36 PM
8

I got divorced in 2017. Still have to deal with the exwife because the kids are still young. But damn, makes me kiss the ground each day. I divorced a SAHM that refused to work. 11 year marriage and the judge, well, she just hated my exwife. Gave her $0 alimony and told her to get a job.
/r/Divorce_Men01/03/24 02:29 PM
7

No. Because as soon as I split from her, I had girlfriends. And I would never cheat on them to sleep with the exwife.
/r/Divorce_Men28/02/24 02:42 PM
7

Once an alimony award is entered in as a judgement, courts are very unlikely to alter that judgment. As for enforcement? A lot of the times courts will hold someone in contempt, no drivers license, no passport, withhold tax refunds, and put liens on property.
/r/Divorce_Men23/02/24 03:11 AM
4

I would have turned off her frivolous things much sooner. I would have turned off cable TV and internet before she bought $300 in Pay per view movies. I would have learned a lot sooner to just hang up on her when she called to scream at me. Like when I saw the Cable TV bill and cancelled cable TV and then she called me up to scream at me for turning off cable, even though it was her that promised to me she wouldn't buy any more pay per view movies.
/r/Divorce_Men22/02/24 07:25 PM
10

Big issue is money. It is hellish to combine a spender with a saver. Another issue is an addict and a sober person.
/r/Divorce_Men21/02/24 11:31 PM
1

I had those worries too! I have 50/50 custody of my daughters, 6 and 9 at the time of the divorce decree. My exwife met a guy online. By second date? It was true love and she introduced him to the kids. 2 weeks later? She allowed him and his daughter to move in. So while she was passed out on pills, he was there with my kids! Luckily, I have always had a great relationship with my kids, so they tell me everything. And fortunately, nothing happened. A year later, they got married. And I was alway…
/r/Divorce_Men21/02/24 08:30 PM
12

My exwife became a pill popper after 5 years and 2 kids. We spent the next 5 years dealing with her addictions to those pills. A stint in rehab, different doctors, addiction meetings, etc. Nothing could counteract her addiction to those pills - narcotics, mood stabilizers, muscle relaxers and sleeping pills. Our lives revolved around her addictions, and then promises that "this disaster will be the last, I swear to you." Followed by more disasters. Then she came upon acceptances and she gas-lit …
/r/Divorce_Men21/02/24 06:25 PM
6

It's time to "Run Forrest, Run!" You are going to get labeled as "the worst person on the face of the planet." Her friends are going to be on her side 100%. Get an attorney, and file for divorce NOW.
/r/Divorce_Men21/02/24 04:43 PM
4

Don't sign that. Are you getting visitation only? Or 50/50 custody? What kind of joint custody do you see in that agreement? Here is the deal, if you sign that? She will have sole decision making authority over you. "Sorry, the kids don't want to see you this weekend." And then she'll take you back to court, as the kids haven't seen you in months, due to her instigation, and then she'll get you busted down to 0 parenting time, and then upping your CS$ payments to her.
/r/Divorce_Men19/02/24 04:31 PM
1

I've taken loads of trips with my 2 teen girls in the years that I've been divorced from their mom. They're usually little overnighters to visit my new wife's relatives. I'll always ask them and they always say, "Heck yeah!" I get them their own hotel room, adjacent to mine and my wife's hotel room. We spend about 25% of the time visiting her friends and relatives. And the other 75%? The 3 of us do stuff together. We visit parks, malls, tourist trap places, etc. Whatever they want to do. It's gr…
/r/Divorce_Men19/02/24 04:05 PM
4

My exwife did the same thing. Her list of demands for alimony and child support and everything else totaled more than my gross pay. Luckily the judge didn’t grant her that. She didn’t get anywhere near that.
/r/Divorce_Men18/02/24 02:29 PM
4

My exwife does that too! Imagine her at 3am rattling around in the kitchen, “getting juice cups for the kids”. They had gone to bed 5 hours earlier, and wouldn’t get up for another 5 hours.
/r/Divorce_Men17/02/24 11:29 PM
10

For me. My first marriage was good, until she found pills. I call it sheer luck that I escaped with a great divorce outcome. But I did get married again. She is really nice. My kids like her. She’s sober. She’s my best friend.
/r/Divorce_Men17/02/24 11:11 PM
1

At the time, I had already told my STBXW that I wanted to divorce her, but we had to put it on the back-burner due to financial reasons. We got sued from one of her DUI crashes. And then had to file bankruptcy (no way to pay it). But before the bankruptcy was done, she got pinched on a Felony DUI (kids were in the car when she crashed). So I waited it out. She got the DUI conviction and jail time and $7500 in DUI fines and she refused to work. She expected me to get a second job to pay off her D…
/r/Divorce_Men15/02/24 05:33 PM
6

If you agree to that alimony? Then you'll be forced to pay it, no matter how poor you are. This is a bad deal and I'd say "I reject this" and then try to see her at trial. That's what I had to do. My exwife tried playing the "too sick to work" card and demanded 50% of my take home pay in alimony. Plus she wanted full custody of the kids to maximize CS $'s. Plus she wanted a host of other things too. So all totaled up, it was more than I make. I asked her, "This is more than I make. How would I a…
/r/Divorce_Men15/02/24 03:29 PM
17

The No-Alimony is the big win. I kiss the ground every day when my marriage ended with her getting no alimony.
/r/Divorce_Men15/02/24 03:16 PM
1

I owed my exwife 50% of my 401k. She wanted the best of both worlds. Say it was $50,000. She wanted $50,000 in post tax dollars, not pre-tax dollars. “Just cut me a check for $50,000” she would scream at me. Nope. I got the QDRO and paid her that way. And she spent it all in 1 year. Had nothing to show for it, except a bit tax bill from the IRS and the state revenue:
/r/Divorce_Men14/02/24 10:58 PM
1

Yes, that's exactly how it worked for me. When I was just dating my now exwife, I had sold off my old house and put a contract on a new build, one that wouldn't be ready for 6+ months. We got married and then when doing the closing, her credit wasn't as good as mine, so the bank said, "Either she does a deed disclaimer and it's your separate and sole property, or we re-do the loan documents with a much higher interest rate." Plus, I had a sizeable down payment from the sale of my previous house.…
/r/Divorce_Men14/02/24 09:15 PM
-2

You bought a house after you got married. Does the deed say "You as a single man" or "you as a married man as separate and sole property" and there's a deed disclaimer saying she has no interest in the property.
/r/Divorce_Men14/02/24 07:53 PM
3

How did you get that? My exwife had a recent conviction for "DUI with kids in the car" when she plowed into the back of a pickup truck while driving high as a kite. And best I could do was 50/50 custody.
/r/Divorce_Men14/02/24 04:50 PM
8

I was married to a toxic, non-function pill popping addict. First 5 were great. Then the final 5 were terrible. Pro- the freedom. I could spend time with my kids without her to ruin it. My kids are happy having 2 households - Mommy's home and daddy's house. I could sleep again. No ER visits for pills. I could sleep with women again. I can go on vacations again. There's money in the bank. Con? Not many. She got half of my 401k, but I didn't have to pay alimony.
/r/Divorce_Men13/02/24 07:39 PM
10

My exwife is the bitter old crow. I divorced her and got a great divorce. She has done everything imaginable to attempt to destroy my post-divorce happiness. Anytime she knew I was out on a date? There would be some emergency with the kids. So I just stopped telling her anything. And the kids stopped telling her things. I told the kids I was getting married and they didn’t tell their mom. She heard that I got remarried when her sister saw saw the wedding announcement on my FB feed. She tried to …
/r/Divorce_Men12/02/24 11:21 PM
3

My exwife was always convinced I was stealing her narcotics. She had no explanation as to why they kept disappearing. And the most logical explanation was “you’re continually taking more than what is prescribed.” But no, not that. “You’re stealing them!”
/r/Divorce_Men12/02/24 11:16 PM
13

Tell her this. "No sorry. I realized I'm much happier without you. And I don't want to ruin my new found happiness by coming back to you. Plus, I know you're just going to cheat on me again. So, I will not be coming back to you."
/r/Divorce_Men12/02/24 08:00 PM
1

Makes me kiss the divorce decree I got in 2017. Her request for 50% of my take home pay in alimony. And after the trial, the judge made in her ruling that my exwife got $0 in alimony.
/r/Divorce_Men12/02/24 05:18 PM
3

That was me. I gave up. For my first marriage, everything was good for the first 5 years. And then she found pills. It was a battle between me and her addictions to those pills. Every promise she made about getting clean, she broke. Rehab gave her 3 months of sobriety until relapse. Then almost a full year of sobriety. Then relapse. And After a few more of her disasters, I gave up. I was never going to win that war. Giving up was the best thing I could do. I told her I had given up. And I got th…
/r/Divorce_Men12/02/24 03:22 PM
3

Are you fully divorced with a final decree in hand? If yes, that’s great! If there is now award of alimony, the courts are very hesitant to open it back up. Like almost unheard of these days. In my situation, my exwife was denied alimony. And she’s been dirt-broke for years now, and she’d love to take me to court to get an alimony support order. But it won’t happen. Child support is a different thing. She can take you back to court with a new CS modification request, based on your earnings and h…
/r/Divorce_Men12/02/24 02:10 AM
2

It was a hard battle. Me - solid middle class good dad. Her - she became a pill popper with all of the disasters that follows. Always had valid scripts for dozens of different medications. She refused to work, saying she was "too sick to work" because of 10 different doctors all giving her scripts. 11 year marriage and 2 kids. House is my separate and sole property. No debt as we were fresh out of bankruptcy court. Asset are the house and my 401k. On her side was recent conviction for DUI and $7…
/r/Divorce_Men10/02/24 04:55 PM
1

It's family court. There's a lot of lies, damned lies, and half-truths that go on there. Unless the judge chooses to punish the liar? no recourse. My exwife lied on her affidavit of financial information. Put her income down as zero and "hadn't worked in over 3 years." I submitted evidence of a W2 showing that she had worked the previous year. And the judge didn't admonish her for lying. Just used it against her in her bit to try to get alimony. And it worked against her, judge denied her alimon…
/r/Divorce_Men10/02/24 06:47 AM
3

Document everything! And then file a motion with the family court for contempt of court. One things that even mother-centric judges hate is when people violate their judicial orders.
/r/Divorce_Men08/02/24 08:54 PM
6

Either way? Divorce ASAP. Courts go off of historical earning capacity. But don’t wait for her to get a job.
/r/Divorce_Men08/02/24 02:43 PM
15

"I swear to you there isn't anyone else" translates to "There is someone else, but you're not supposed to know that. So what I told you is the truth."
/r/Divorce_Men07/02/24 07:27 PM
6

My wife's brother's marriage was ok for a few years. And then she joined the Jehovah's witness. I'm sorry, but JW people are the densest people on the face of the planet. He tried telling her 100's of times, "I don't want to join your church. I want to celebrate holidays." Her? She would just say, "He will come around to our faith." It all blew up when he told her he didn't want to go to a JW convention. She just kept pushing and pushing. And after that? He couldn't handle it anymore and he divo…
/r/Divorce_Men07/02/24 02:16 PM
2

why is separation a bad idea? Problem #1. If there is some great big disaster? Say she gets drunk and plows into another car and hurts a bunch of people? Criminally they'll come after her. Financially? The injured people come after you. Imagine her getting a lawsuit and you're listed as "John Doe (husband)". Happened to me when I was married to my now exwife. Lawyers and the injured people don't care who they get money out of. Problem #2. Debt. Even though you're legally separated, financially i…
/r/Divorce_Men06/02/24 08:15 PM
7

I saw a therapist before I filed for divorce. It was actually at my exwife's prompting, she was convinced everything was my fault. Her prescription drug addictions? There was no problem, as these were prescribed by a doctor. Her DUI crashes? That's the fault of the other drivers and then an overzealous prosecutor. Her fits of screaming rage when she'd run out of narcotics? She's in pain and she's a passionate person to begin with. Money problems because of her disasters and she refused to work? …
/r/Divorce_Men06/02/24 07:00 PM
12

Under no circumstances do you get back together with her!!! Run Forrest run! Why? She has ulterior motives. She wants something. Did her new love not work out? Can she not afford her own place? It’s something she wants that you have…
/r/Divorce_Men06/02/24 05:00 PM
1

She wants to go to mediation without you? That's not really mediation. Reminds me of when I went to mediation with my STBXW. Her and the mediator railroaded me into second guessing everything -- alimony, custody, etc. Basically I had agreed to 1% above visitation only. But at the mediation place? The notary went home sick 15 min earlier. So when we stepped out, the mediator told us, "Take to your bank, get this notarized and submit to the court." I got a breath of fresh air and then realized it …
/r/Divorce_Men05/02/24 10:49 PM
1

The answer is "maybe". There are stories of guys that are well past retirement age that still pay alimony.
/r/Divorce_Men05/02/24 08:53 PM
7

My exwife kept my last name after the divorce, because it was the same as the kids. 50/50 custody. One year later, she got remarried and took his last name. Three months after that, she told me she wanted to change the kids' last names to her new last name. I told her, "I'll fight you on this, I'm not some dead beat dad." And the kids didn't want to change their name. So she dropped it. Three months after that, her new husband left her and filed for divorce. She ended up keeping his last name.
/r/Divorce_Men05/02/24 08:28 PM
3

The 16 year old son? She'll get CS for 18 months until he's 18. Tennis lessons? Drop that. Health insurance? To 18 and possibly longer if he's a full time student. Therapy? Drop that.
/r/Divorce_Men05/02/24 08:22 PM
4

OK, I did listen to this on YT. I have just been there (not in my failed marriage but in other failed relationships). It all can be summed up in that you needed to just pick yourself up. Dust yourself off. And walk away. But you made a few mistakes. Mistake #1 is you tried in good faith to get a straight answer out of her. "just be honest with me." And she didn't want to answer that question. You should have just let it die off and say to yourself, "She won't give me the answers I need." And the…
/r/Divorce_Men05/02/24 08:03 PM
2

listening to it now...
/r/Divorce_Men05/02/24 07:37 PM
2

No red flags until after we got married. One great thing was she's allergic to cats. And I have always have had cats. So she couldn't spend more than a few hours at our house before she had to leave. Later on we had 2 kids and me and the two kids love the cats (some of passed on, some are new). But after our second was born, that's when her mom got sick and became disabled. And her dad got sick too. It was only a matter of time before one or both of them wouldn't be able to live alone anymore. A…
/r/Divorce_Men05/02/24 04:56 PM
8

Yes she left her daughters. Yes, she chose her new men over the family. At this point in time? You won. You get the kids. In my divorce, I call that a WIN. So file for divorce, and keep tally of how much time you get with the kids. Get out of this marriage ASAP.
/r/Divorce_Men05/02/24 06:01 AM
6

I kept mine, it’s 10k gold. $50 worth of gold. She lost her engagement and wedding rings a few years before I divorced her. She bought new engagement ring. Then we split up. I told her to sell it because she needed cash. I told her to sell it. And she used that engagement ring for the new guy, because he couldn’t afford to get her a ring. They got married and 6 months later he left her. And divorced her (can’t imagine why??). And then she sold it off because she needed cash.
/r/Divorce_Men04/02/24 11:31 PM
12

CS good news and bad news. Good news is that if she decides to stop working, she will still have the historical earning capacity of $xxxx/month. So that’s good. Basically, it’s not your fault she stopped working. But now that she has another kid, she gets a credit for “child not of this relationship” to put into the CS calculations. As for deadbeat baby-daddy? It’s all on him for being a deadbeat.
/r/Divorce_Men04/02/24 03:01 AM
1

My exwife refused to work, so her actual income was $0. The judge gave her a deeded income (for use in calculations) of minimum wage 40 hours. Based on 50/59 custody and difference in wages -my actual wage vs her at minimum wage- came out to a very small amount. 18 months later exwife was flat broke and needed money. So she filed new CS paperwork and again tried to say she was too sick to work and income with $0. Judge denied her request.
/r/Divorce_Men04/02/24 12:00 AM
1

I talked to her many times about her drug addiction to those prescriptions. Each time she gas-lighted me that it was a mixture of her medical problems, my fault, mean police officers, bad luck, and most of all “these were prescribed by a doctor!” Yeah 10 different ones…. Anyway, I finally told her I wanted a divorce, And then after more disasters (jail time for a DUI) I but the butter and filed and she got served. She screamed at me. She knew it was coming, she was just expecting a very favorabl…
/r/Divorce_Men03/02/24 08:41 PM
1

I miss the woman I lost to pills. 5 years of our marriage were good. Last five sucked rocks with her pill popping disasters.
/r/Divorce_Men03/02/24 04:16 AM
1

LOL!
/r/Divorce_Men02/02/24 07:57 PM
1

I did get remarried a few years. She's really nice. She's sober. She handles money very well. And she's not crazy.
/r/Divorce_Men02/02/24 07:57 PM
1

It's known as "my money is my money. But your money is my money too." Yes, all marital debts need to be put in one pile and then split in 2, just like assets. In my marriage, about 4 months before I filed for divorce. I bought a car, nothing fancy, just a Nissan Alitma. She had a recent DUI, so she had no car, no driver's license, etc. She was an excluded driver on my policy. She argued that the car was a marital asset, and she gets 50% value of it. But the loan to buy the car was "All on Jim" b…
/r/Divorce_Men02/02/24 06:05 PM
7

Ok, is your Ex-Wife as in "fully divorced"? Or is it your "in the process of divorcing your wife"?
/r/Divorce_Men02/02/24 05:51 PM
6

You become better at pointing out the untrustworthy women. From my experiences with my exwife, I have superpowers! I can smell an addict from a mile away. Be it the drunks, or the pill poppers or the retail-therapy queens. I can smell money problem women. "Can I borrow $xxxxx Just until I get paid on xx-xx-xxxx?" Yeah. NO! Yeah, never loan money to a single mother. You'll never get it back. I can smell psychological problems from a mile away too. Statements like, "I know it sounds crazy but..." …
/r/Divorce_Men02/02/24 03:37 PM
6

Even worse? Her DUI? That was felony DUI for "DUI with kids in the car" as she was high as a kite on pills when she crashed into the back of a pickup truck. She got a DUI plea deal that had jail time and $7500 in DUI fines. Seriously. It took her almost killing the kids in a great big DUI crash for me to get 50/50 custody! If situations were reversed? I would have gotten supervised visitation only, and felt damn lucky to get that.
/r/Divorce_Men31/01/24 03:41 PM
8

Her family and friends refused to acknowledge her addictions to pills and the disasters she caused (great big DUI Crashes) played a 99% part in me filing for divorce. She refused to work and we were fresh out of bankruptcy court. 11 year marriage and 2 kids in school. A lot of them were used to "old school divorces" where even the great dads gets screwed over in court. Basically gets stuck with paying lifetime alimony, visitation only, losing his house, etc. And it didn't turn out that way. She …
/r/Divorce_Men31/01/24 03:17 PM
3

It’s called “starving the other side out.” Imagine endless motions hearings. Endless requests for GAL reports. Endless mediation.
/r/Divorce_Men31/01/24 02:31 AM
4

They do that when one party says that they need an “impartial representative of the child’s best interests.” But the deal is that a lot of times, the GAL is nothing more than a ploy to screw over the dad. My ex tried to get a GAL, and requested to the judge that I pay for the GAL of her choosing. The judge said that I wouldn’t pay for the GAL, but she could get one and pay for it. She dropped that. It took her having a conviction for DUI with kids in the car for me to get 50/50 custody.
/r/Divorce_Men30/01/24 11:41 PM
5

That's family court for you. First step is to make the mother the Domiciliary parent, or residential parent in other states. Next step is for her to get legal decision making for the kid(s). And then get a GAL of her choosing and have the court force you to pay for the GAL. Next step for her is to reduce your parenting time to visitation only, because that's what the GAL recommends. Next step is for her to move away. Sorry, but that's how it's going to end up going.
/r/Divorce_Men30/01/24 10:54 PM
6

I'll be honest with you. Once you've separated? The family court will view it as nothing. She can be ridden more than Seattle-Slew, and family court won't care.
/r/Divorce_Men30/01/24 09:01 PM
3

For me, it came in stages. She's an addict to prescription pills and refused to work, even though both kids were in school. First step was her screaming at me that what I was doing, wasn't good enough. I told her that I had given up trying and I moved into the spare bedroom permanently. More sh1t got stirred, more of her disasters. She got pinched on a felony DUI, kids were in the car when she crashed. As soon as she got out of jail and stood there with a $3000 loan to her parents for a DUI atty…
/r/Divorce_Men30/01/24 08:37 PM
1

The reason is that in a case like this? So much of it is going to be "at the discretion of the presiding judge." Your lawyer would need to very pursue the claims that "Special needs child is doing very well in current situation at school. And to relocate to school system that doesn't have the same services would be detrimental to the child." But on the flip side? The judge might say, "It's an undue burden on the MOTHER, as the MOTHER holds all of the cards and the MOTHER has a new family to cons…
/r/Divorce_Men30/01/24 04:49 PM
6

Try online dating. That's what I did after I divorced my pill popping disaster prone addict exwife. I hadn't been on a first date in 11 years. I went out on date -- coffee, lunch, dinner, whatever -- with any woman that would go out with me. Most were duds. Personal and psychological problems. But there were a lot of genuinely nice women that I dated.
/r/Divorce_Men30/01/24 04:08 PM
5

No more maxed out credit cards because she has no self control. No more 7-hours at the ER because she ran out of narcotics. No more being woken up at 3am to her rattling around in the kitchen because she "needs to get juice cups for the kids" that are asleep. No more getting guilted into doing chores around her parents house because they're too cheap and lazy to pay someone to do it. No more sexless marriage. Or getting turned on and then turned off because "she's just not into it." No more sitt…
/r/Divorce_Men30/01/24 12:52 AM
4

It was January a few years back. I told my now exwife I didn't want to be financially responsible for her pill popping disasters. But we couldn't split up yet, due to financial reasons -- she refused to work. So I just moved permanently into the guest room. 3 weeks later we got sued from one of her many pill popping disasters (great big DUI crash). No defense to the lawsuit, and no way to pay it either. So as soon as we got the default judgement, we had to file bankruptcy. That takes 6 months. T…
/r/Divorce_Men29/01/24 09:25 PM
2

AZ divorce. She was refusing to work. So the judge gave her a deeded income of minimum wage 40 hours. And denied her alimony. I got 50/50 custody and I pay the kids health insurance, so my child support obligation was minimal. And she wasn’t left destitute, she got half of my 401K. But she was flat broke and still not working 18 months post divorce.
/r/Divorce_Men29/01/24 02:50 AM
10

I am someone who filed for divorce to get my life back. Exwife is a pill popper with many disasters. 11 year marriage, exwife refused to work and 2 kids. I filed and took back my sanity. And I made out like a bandit in the divorce. 50/59 custody and $0 alimony were the major wins. Everything else was gravy. Life is so good now. I got remarried to a really nice sober woman.
/r/Divorce_Men28/01/24 09:33 PM
5

I stayed so calm because I wrote down my “best case scenario” and my “worst case scenario.” And guess what? My worst case scenario was still better than being with her. And in the end? After trial, I got my best case scenario.
/r/Divorce_Men28/01/24 03:00 AM
3

The kids will adapt to two homes. Mine did. Make sure their bedrooms are decorated with stuff they want. Posters, stickers, stuffed animals, toys, etc. I remember my youngest had a hard time adapting to “daddy’s time.” She was used my exwife practically never leaving the house. But in time everything worked out in the end.
/r/Divorce_Men28/01/24 12:52 AM
3

Unfortunately, family court is the most unsympathetic place to get child support modifications. Why? It's because so many men that are supposed to pay child support will come up with "reasons" why they can't or won't pay. If you say, "I just lost my job!" Judge will say, "Well, get a new one ASAP." If you say, "I am now disabled due to a car accident." Judge will say, "Well, go on disability." No matter what you say, the courts are just going to expect you to pay forever at the same rate.
/r/Divorce_Men25/01/24 07:57 PM
10

I remember when my STBXW met a guy. I laughed because he obviously thought he met someone special, and he probably thought he could help with all of her problems (addictions to pills). She didn't work, didn't have a driver's license due to too many DUI's, and she was just a train wreck -- in and out of the ER every week / month. After a year, she texted me that she was getting married. I laughed so hard I nearly blew coffee out of my nose. Who would be so desperate as to want to be with her full…
/r/Divorce_Men25/01/24 07:50 PM
6

Neither. I chose an atty that didn’t care about my life’s story. I chose an atty that only care about the meat and potatoes of a divorce. It’s all about cash and custody. My exwife? She chose an atty that listened to her life’s story over and over again- all for the billable hours.
/r/Divorce_Men25/01/24 04:20 AM
4

If you file taxes now? Either married filing jointly or married filing separately. If she wants to file jointly and then take all of the tax refund? Tell her to pound sand.
/r/Divorce_Men24/01/24 09:55 PM
4

They're 13 and 16 now. They're amazing kids now.
/r/Divorce_Men24/01/24 09:09 PM
2

It's been years now. But I still have nightmares that I'm still married to the exwife. Worst one is that I'm still married, but we have lost everything including my house and my car and my job. We had to move into her parent's house and her dad is giving me the "dad lecture" about making better choices, even though it was his daughter that caused us to lose everything. Second one is where we are still married and my new wife is asking me when I am going to finally get divorced from the exwife. S…
/r/Divorce_Men24/01/24 09:04 PM
10

Yeah, that's why she won't sign. She is hoping that if she pesters and stonewalls you long enough, you'll give up and give her 100% of the equity in the house and allows her to destroy your credit if she falls behind on the payments or whatever. But the deal is for whatever reason, she can't refinance the house now. So if the mortgage is not an assumable mortgage? Just cut the crap and give her 2 options; Option 1. You refinance the house now. You can keep the house equity. Option 2. You force m…
/r/Divorce_Men24/01/24 08:05 PM
6

A win as parenting. I divorced my exwife when the kids were 6 and 9. My exwife's goal in the divorce was for me to be broke and destitute, working 3 jobs to support her as a SAHM. And never being to see my kids because I was always working. Well, the divorce went heavily in my favor and the best win was 50/50 custody. My daughters and I have a great relationship. We do almost everything together -- the mall, the movies, homework, dinner, etc. They can tell me anything and everything going on. Th…
/r/Divorce_Men24/01/24 06:39 PM
4

Unfortunately, all too many "progressive" organizations (like those referenced in the article), want to roll back the "progressive" family court rulings. In the past, couple get divorced and father gets visitation only, pays loads in alimony and Child Support and it's done. I remember a friend of mine as a kid. His parents got divorced, father had visitation only and loads of alimony. Exwife got remarried, and he lost his visitation, "in order to support the new dynamics of the exwife's remarria…
/r/Divorce_Men24/01/24 04:21 PM
2

11 year marriage. Both in our 40’s and she was only 3 years younger than me.
/r/Divorce_Men23/01/24 09:50 PM
2

I don’t like to throw out actual dollar values. But my 401k was from 10 years of working at my job. And I started working at that job right after we got married.
/r/Divorce_Men23/01/24 09:49 PM
4

Ok sorry. You have good intentions, but they're not realistic. No court is going to give sole custody to a father, not unless the mother is dead or in prison. It's just not going to happen. My exwife had a recent conviction for DUI with kids in the car when she crashed while driving high as a kite. She did jail time. And still 50/50 custody.
/r/Divorce_Men23/01/24 09:16 PM
4

Well? I got divorced in AZ in 2017. Chronically unemployable exwife wanted alimony, my house, full custody, blah blah blah. And Alimony at the time in AZ. It was all 100% upon the discretion of the presiding judge, as to how much and for how long. I made out like a bandit! She got $0 alimony and I got 50/50 custody. I kept my house and my car. She got half of my 401k. And done. Part of the reason why my exwife didn't get alimony is the judge viewed that my exwife was refusing to work. Starting l…
/r/Divorce_Men23/01/24 08:51 PM
10

I've been out of the dating market for almost 6 years now, when I got remarried. But damn, it was frustrating with online dating. First you had to weed out the scammers. I swear, 50% of the profiles are foreign scammers. Second, you have to weed out the time-wasters. These are women too skittish for whatever reason to actually (gasp) go out on dates. Some are in relationships, but they just want the attention they get from dating apps. Third? You have to weed out the drunks, the pill poppers, th…
/r/Divorce_Men23/01/24 05:32 PM
4

These "5 love languages" might be irrelevant for some people. But they're true for me. Mine are physical touch and quality time. And they perfectly illustrate why my first marriage failed.
/r/Divorce_Men23/01/24 12:23 AM
1

Exwife refused to work. We were bankrupt and she expected me to get a second job or borrow money from my family to pay for her DUI. I filed for divorce instead. At divorce trial, she went over the top in her demands for full custody, alimony, child support, my house, my car, health insurance. She even put down her $7500 DUI Fines as a marital debt because she argued that we were married when she got the DUI. The judge had enough of her shenanigans, and that’s why I did so well. But the judge sai…
/r/Divorce_Men22/01/24 11:06 PM
4

Don’t bother. Courts won’t care. Or enforce something like that. My exwife? Recent conviction for “DUI with kids in the car.” Yeah, she was driving high as a kite on pills when she crashed into the back of a truck. Car was totaled and kids were banged up with bruises and black eyes. And she had $7500 in DUI fines and jail time. At divorce trial? Financially I made out like a bandit. But I only got 50/50 custody. If situation was reversed and I had a dui with kids in the car? I would have gotten …
/r/Divorce_Men22/01/24 10:58 PM
6

The deal is this. “Can she come after you?” Yes she most definitely can. But the better question is this “will she be successful in coming after you for more money?” That’s the correct question to ask. And it’s based on what state you got divorced in, and the exact wording of the divorce decree regarding alimony. And then, it’s a crap-shoot based on the “discretion of the presiding judge.” I was lucky in that my exwife demanded alimony, but the judge denied her. But yes, my exwife would have lov…
/r/Divorce_Men20/01/24 11:47 PM
3

I got accustomed to my exwife's verbal abuse when she didn't get her way. Always walking on eggshells with her. Sometimes she'd go off on people because she'd run out of narcotics. Or she'd go off on people when they wouldn't drop what they're doing and come running when she screamed out their name. Gawd I found that annoying. I tried 100 different times and a 100 different ways to tell her how much I hated that. It didn't work. So I just stopped responding to her when she would do that. She was…
/r/Divorce_Men18/01/24 09:14 PM
10

It was a long lasting 6 month remarriage. When he left her? It was like being hit across the back of the head by a whiffle bat. She didn't see it coming.
/r/Divorce_Men18/01/24 05:42 PM
18

My exwife kept my last name after we divorced because it was the same as the kids and we have 50/50 custody. Next year, she got remarried and changed her name. Three months later, she told me she wanted to change our two kids last names to her new last name. I told her no. And the kids told her no. She dropped it. Three months later? Her new husband left her and divorced her. She kept his last name. And the kids are so glad their last names didn’t get changed.
/r/Divorce_Men18/01/24 02:11 PM
6

My exwife did that. Actual reason for divorce; "She's a pill popper with loads of disasters and verbal abuse." She would tell me it was all my fault for "Abandoning the marriage." She would tell her friends it was all my fault for not "helping her through her tough times." She would tell her family it was all my fault for "forcing her to divorce me." She would tell everyone it was all my fault for "not loving her enough." She would tell everyone it was all my fault for "not accepting her for who…
/r/Divorce_Men17/01/24 05:42 PM
17

"Run Forrest Run!" She only wants back with you because her remarriage is failing. She needs someone to fall back on, and someone to pay her bills and to be her freebie therapist.
/r/Divorce_Men17/01/24 04:58 PM
3

Depends on what state you’re in, and the discretion of the presiding judge. My exwife, at divorce trial had a recent conviction and jail time for “DUI with kids in the car.” It got me 50/50 custody. If roles were reversed, I would have gotten supervised visitation only.
/r/Divorce_Men17/01/24 03:17 PM
6

Fortunately she’s not the first STBXW that claims drug or alcohol abuse without any evidence. Your lawyer will know to ask for evidence of such, and she will have none. Just be sure that you don’t get any DUIs.
/r/Divorce_Men16/01/24 01:19 AM
10

I came very close. My at-the-time STBXW asked me to pick up her and the kids. She didn't drive due to having no car, no job, and a recent DUI crash. I refused and said I would only pick up the kids. She was high as a kite. She said "ok fine, just take the kids." I went there and she started screaming at me. I was ready to just say screw it and leave. But the kids were hungry and she was in no position to feed the kids, high on pills. She couldn't even put frozen chicken nuggets in the microwave.…
/r/Divorce_Men15/01/24 03:55 PM
7

Yeah, marriage counselling or therapist really helped me. I was on the bring of divorcing my now exwife due to her pill popping disasters (DUI crashes). Her mom suggested we go to marriage counselling because she had an ulterior motive -- she didn't want my exwife to end up on her doorstep, making her life hell with her pill popping disasters. But before we even made it to 1 session, my exwife told me I was not to mention her DUI crashes, her addictions to pills, or her fits of screaming rage wh…
/r/Divorce_Men15/01/24 05:16 AM
1

No. Some do, some don't. My lawyer gave me a free 1 hour consultation and it was with him. I brought in my documents and he tore into them and gave me freebie advice that was really good.
/r/Divorce_Men12/01/24 05:55 PM
3

I went to mediation and the exwife and the mediator railroaded me. Basically had me re-thinking everything. "only a horrible person would take away children from their loving mother." Or my exwife would say, "If you agree to xxxxx, I'll agree to yyyy." And then once I agree to xxxxx, she refuses to agree to yyyy. Advice? It's not official until it is signed and notarized. Once I got out of there and got a breath of fresh air? I took that mediation agreement and tossed it in the trash. It wasn't …
/r/Divorce_Men12/01/24 04:40 PM
3

"Only" by Nine Inch Nails. Best verse is "There is no you, there is only me." "Ringfinger" by Nine Inch Nails. Best verse is "Well you just leave me nailed here, hanging like Jesus on his cross." "Sin" by Nine Inch Nails. Best verse is "I'm just an effigy, to be defaced, to be disgraced Your need for me has been replaced." Ok, NIN has the best relationship songs ever!
/r/Divorce_Men12/01/24 04:14 PM
6

Unless you have kids, you just need to block and ignore her and go full 100% no-contact with her. If you have kids and have to deal with her a lot? Set boundaries. As soon as she is verbally abusive to you on the phone? You hang up. If in person? You get in your car and drive off. If anyone counters you with, "Well, your ex-wife said xxxx and xxxx." Spit back, "Yeah, those are just lies she told me. You know her well. If I did owe her money, she would have taken back to court a long time ago." I…
/r/Divorce_Men12/01/24 02:19 PM
5

If you are from Canada and then you move to the USA and stop paying alimony. And I'm sorry you got stuck with permanent alimony. What will happen is that it'll have to go through Canadian courts and then USA courts to get a garnishment. Canada and the USA have agreements. It will take 1 to 2 years, but eventually they'll successfully come after you.
/r/Divorce_Men11/01/24 04:30 PM
4

Keep steady! Get that divorce. The 2024 you has got to stick to it. She's not going to get any better. She's only going to get worse. Why? Look forward to the 2025 version of you. Is that You-in-2025 going to say, "thank you 2024Me for divorcing her!" Or is the You-in-2025 going to say, "Awww crap. 2024me was such a f$*#*g dumb@ss! I'm still stuck dealing with this. She cheated again!"
/r/Divorce_Men08/01/24 05:21 PM
3

She was denied alimony at divorce trial. She wanted 50% of my take home pay in alimony while trying to play the "too sick to work" card, so she could be a SAHM and pop pills all day long. She wanted me to get visitation only of the 2 kids. But instead of that? The judge gave her $0 alimony, me 50/50 custody of the kids and told her that there was no reason why she wasn't working.
/r/Divorce_Men08/01/24 04:53 PM
14

I filed for divorce and moved out and I was now out of the dead bedroom prison (amongst all of her other disasters that caused me to divorce her). I had all of the freebie dating apps installed on my phone. And I happened to be on Plenty-of-fish and it "matched" me with my exwife. I blocked her profile so she wouldn't see me. We both dated other people and then she got a "serious" relationship. I figured, "what the hell, there are desperate people out there." A year into the 2 of them dating and…
/r/Divorce_Men08/01/24 06:31 AM
5

Same here. My kids have a new step mom. They like her a lot. They both mention “it’s so quiet over here.” I’m like yeah, “your mom isn’t screaming at people.”
/r/Divorce_Men05/01/24 09:52 PM
12

No regrets at all. I was able to get 50/50 custody of the two kids (6 and 9) and life has been so great without their mother there to interfere.
/r/Divorce_Men05/01/24 06:13 PM
1

The deed disclaimer was signed e weeks after we got married, when the new build house was ready. The deed disclaimer merely stated that the house was my separate and sole property, and she had no interest in it. And YES! I was very lucky not to lose my house to her.
/r/Divorce_Men05/01/24 01:57 AM
2

It's the cost of living area. My lawyer impressed me. Free 1 hour consultation was with me and him, the actual lawyer that would represent me. I brought some documents with me and he tore into the meat&potatoes of my upcoming divorce. He was great.
/r/Divorce_Men04/01/24 10:48 PM
4

This is where you submit proof. Tax returns -- W2's and paystubs.
/r/Divorce_Men04/01/24 06:18 PM
1

Az is a community property state too. But I had that deed disclaimer, making it separate and sole property.
/r/Divorce_Men04/01/24 05:48 PM
1

Best thing ever? My exwife tried to play the "too sick to work" card in our divorce to get alimony. She wasn't on disability. She just wanted to stay home and pop pills while the kids were in school. But the previous year, she had to get a job for about 6 weeks to pay for her DUI fines that I refused to pay. She tried putting the fines on her dad's credit card, but her mom found out and screamed at her. They *forced* her to get a job. Anyway, since I did the taxes, I had a cell phone pic of that…
/r/Divorce_Men03/01/24 11:09 PM
1

At the time my exwife refused to work, so her income was $0. But the judge told her she was able to work, so for calculations, the judge put down as if she was working minimum wage 40hours a week. As for the house. It's my separate and sole property. But marital funds were used to pay down the mortgage. for the 11 years we were married. So 50% of the "reduction in mortgage" was returned to her.
/r/Divorce_Men03/01/24 10:45 PM
3

I did divorce a SAHM, but the kids were both in school, not home-schooled. Luckily the judge didn't buy her statement that she was "too sick to work" and denied her alimony.
/r/Divorce_Men03/01/24 02:42 PM
1

Normally, divorces should get settled in mediation. And AZ for "divorce with children" has mandatory free mediation. That's great. But it went nowhere, not unless I was going to sign away everything to my exwife. So we went to trial. Divorces in AZ go FAST as compared to other states. 11 year marriage, 2 kids, and my exwife refused to work, saying she was "too sick to work". After trial, it went heavily in my favor, and the only thing she got was 10% of the equity in my house, and then 50% of my…
/r/Divorce_Men03/01/24 01:56 PM
7

My exwife contacted a lawyer to sue her divorce atty regarding how poorly she did at trial. She didn't get any alimony, lost the house, the car, 50/50 custody, etc. She screamed for 2 days. Then she wanted to file an appeal, but her lawyer said, "You can do that, but it will cost you $10,000 to start." So then she contacted another lawyer (once the 30 day right to file an appeal had passed) to sue her atty for legal malpractice. But he always wanted $10,000 to start. So she gave up on it.
/r/Divorce_Men02/01/24 04:40 PM
14

Same here! She told me that it was all her that allowed me to succeed in my job. I replied, “you and your addictions to pills almost cost me my job 3 times!” Plus she tried to use that fake statistic that “SAHM’s are worth $100,000 a year.”
/r/Divorce_Men01/01/24 03:46 AM
1

My exwife tried to do that. After she got remarried, she wanted to change our kids’ last names to her new last name. I’m a 50/50 custody dad. And the kids didn’t want to change their names. In the end? Her remarriage ended in re-divorce after 6 months of wedded bliss. I still tease my kids a little bit. “If it wasn’t for me, you’d be new-last-name!”
/r/Divorce_Men31/12/23 12:32 AM
–

Yes. Stop doing overtime. “I used to get overtime based on the project I was working on.”
/r/Divorce_Men31/12/23 12:27 AM
4

I was the one to file and my now ex-inlaws hated me. they knew their daughter developed a problem with prescription pills, but they (especially her mom) found it easiest to blame me for everything. But they only thing they cared about was themselves. They knew that if I left her, eventually their daughter would end up moving back home and make their lives a living hell with her pill popping disasters. And that's exactly what happened.
/r/Divorce_Men27/12/23 09:08 PM
2

Same boat here. Except my kids were 6 and 8 when I filed. I did fight for 50/50 custody and I got it in the end. As for “rocking their world”? Not really. Kids adapt really fast to the new family life. My eldest had this to say “I never knew you and mommy to be happy together.” Family life changes. Their mom got remarried and they didn’t care for the new step dad, but they absolutely loved the “new big sister” they had. But her remarriage ended in re-divorce. They have a new step mom that they r…
/r/Divorce_Men26/12/23 01:54 PM
3

Family court. Mother can do no wrong….
/r/Divorce_Men25/12/23 02:49 AM
5

For me? I was solid middle class wage earner. She? Chronically unemployable pill popper. 11 year marriage and 2 kids. After kid #2 was born, she found pills and a laundry list of disasters followed. A string of bad debt, bad decisions, bad driving. A stint in rehab only gave us a few months of sobriety each time before she relapsed on those pills. She most definitely wasn't "Cheaper to keep her". I needed to cut my losses and untether myself to her. Our marriage was sexless, we were bankrupt due…
/r/Divorce_Men24/12/23 08:47 PM
26

My exwife hadn’t worked in years because she wanted to be a SAHM. I divorced her and she didn’t get any alimony. She got half of my 401k and lived in that for a year. Then her remarriage turned into redivorce and she had to move in with her parents. And then the horror struck. Her dad forced her to get a job!
/r/Divorce_Men23/12/23 11:09 PM
2

I wish my exwife would have been receptive to mediation. It went nowhere unless I would give her everything,
/r/Divorce_Men21/12/23 04:23 PM
4

I would have loved to see the eye-rolls from the judge. I forgot to include that my exwife tried to argue that her $7500 in DUI fines (felony dui because the kids were in the car at the time she crashed) were a marital debt. Because we were married when she got the DUI. That notion was not even entertained by the judge.
/r/Divorce_Men20/12/23 08:17 PM
3

It was Arizona and at the time, the award of alimony was 100% the discretion of the presiding judge. But guess what? Now they have an alimony calculator for AZ and it totally screws over the hardworking spouse.
/r/Divorce_Men20/12/23 06:03 PM
26

My judge was very fair, in the sense that she didn't buy any of my exwife's BS. My exwife tried to say she was "too sick to work" and needed 50% of my take home pay in alimony. Judge didn't buy it and gave her $0 alimony. Exwife said she needed me to pay $500/month so she could keep the same health insurance plan (doctor shopping) as she got through my job. Judge told her to go on Medicaid. Exwife said it would be detrimental for the kids to do split custody, and I should get visitation only. Ju…
/r/Divorce_Men20/12/23 03:36 PM
4

Yes! This. Hold your head up high, best face forward. Don’t do anything stupid. I remember my exwife (while divorcing her) was bragging that she was going to take me to the cleaners. 11 year marriage, 2 kids in school, and she refused to work. She had visions of alimony and getting everything and leaving me in the dust. And to leave me destitute. That was her goal. And it didn’t happen. She screamed for 2 days. But yes, in dating, women asked me if the exwife took me to the cleaners. I said “no,…
/r/Divorce_Men19/12/23 05:33 PM
1

Not me. But an ex girlfriend has my name tattooed on her butt (she did it on her own). But it was a cheaply done one. And the loop of the J for “Jim” was missing. So she showed me and I said “who’s Tim?” We broke up a year later and she got a cover up.
/r/Divorce_Men18/12/23 04:04 PM
23

Do NOT drive past her house when there's a TPO against you. Do you have a parenting plan in place from the courts? If yes, then file a contempt of court case against her. If not? Then get a custody order in place.
/r/Divorce_Men16/12/23 05:44 AM
3

Give it the 1 year for her to refinance, legally you have to do that. Then ask her, "It has been 1 year, have you started the refinance process?" If nothing has happened in that 1 year, then you have your lawyer file a motion to force the sale of the house, pay you your equity interest in the home, and walk away.
/r/Divorce_Men15/12/23 01:54 PM
7

Get your temporary orders meeting done ASAP. And FIGHT for 50/50 custody. I'm so glad I did. My kids were 6 and 9 when we split. But I fought for that custody and it payed out in the end. I'm super close with my kids (both teen girls) and they can tell me anything and everything.
/r/Divorce_Men14/12/23 08:49 PM
1

That's the problem. When divorcing, your ex will be just like mine. She will not answer "yes / No" questions with a "yes or No". Regarding Child support, each state has their own calculator. Just google "your state" and "child support calculator". My exwife tried her best to control the divorce process. She had divorce help from a few of her friends that got very favorable divorces by dragging things out, making life difficult, and then not signing until they got every last dime. Basically sayin…
/r/Divorce_Men14/12/23 05:00 PM
2

I would have your lawyer file a motion to the court that there is a Non-paternity event and an injunction from putting your name on the birth cert. Even though you're both divorced, there are still lingering issues, and family court is notorious for injecting nonsense into their rulings. "In the best interests of the child, child support is hereby ordered to be paid by OP in the amount of $xxx.xx per month."
/r/Divorce_Men13/12/23 05:05 PM
2

It depends on jurisdiction. Some CS calculators will factor in "other children you have not of this relationship." It doesn't include step children, but if you adopt your new wife's children, then yes, it's a change in circumstances.
/r/Divorce_Men12/12/23 06:16 PM
2

That is going to go bust faster than a cheap condom on prom night. Quote from a movie: "I have known people on crack that make more sense than you right now."
/r/Divorce_Men11/12/23 03:36 PM
6

Yes it is super common. "In Laws move in, sex 100% stops." That was one of the many 1000's of reasons I divorced my now exwife. I saw it coming and I knew my life wasn't going to get any better if her mom moved in. We had the good life; house in the suburbs. 2 kids. 2 cars. Kids have pet cats. All is good. But in the back of my mind, I knew that her mom moving in with us would kill our marriage. Problem #1 is she's allergic to cats. So my now exwife told me, "When my mom needs to move in, they'l…
/r/Divorce_Men11/12/23 02:26 PM
3

There is no benefit to legal separation vs divorce. It just allows the lower wage earner to keep the health insurance and “years married to keep accruing” for later calculations for more alimony.
/r/Divorce_Men11/12/23 02:23 AM
2

My ex is the same. From day one, my ex has received her CS payment as a garnishment from my paychecks. She wanted full custody to maximize CS, but I won with 50/50 custody. But she twice submitted paperwork for CA and had her income as $0 while she was refusing to work. Judge both times gave her a deeded income of minimum wage 40 hours. And when the money comes late from the court clearinghouse? It’s somehow my fault.
/r/Divorce_Men10/12/23 02:32 AM
1

Yes, it does depend on the judge. I thank my lucky stars that my judge saw through my exwife's attempts to play the "Too sick to work" card.
/r/Divorce_Men09/12/23 06:58 AM
1

Gotta warn you. Judges very rarely change alimony awards due to “change in circumstances”. They want the payer to be destitute and homeless and still “find a way!!” To pay those alimony payments. There’s a YT video about a guy who’s disabled and in a wheelchair and on disability. -And the judge still refused to change the permanent alimony!
/r/Divorce_Men09/12/23 03:17 AM
5

Mine came out to $5000 on each side because we went to trial. But AZ courts don’t allow the shenanigans that other states allow, like continual motions for discovery, GAL, continuances, appeals, etc. But in the end, I had to pay $3000 of her divorce atty’s costs. It was worth it to get out of that marriage, keep my house, keep my car, $0 alimony for her and 50/50 custody for me.
/r/Divorce_Men07/12/23 02:04 PM
2

It’s retail therapy. Just going out and buying stuff for that emotional high she gets.
/r/Divorce_Men05/12/23 10:44 PM
43

Your marriage is over. Time to put your ducks in a row and file for divorce.
/r/Divorce_Men05/12/23 09:04 PM
2

No. She just "needed new bedding to redecorate the room." And then she felt guilty about getting herself new bedding, so she got it for the kids' beds (at her house) too.
/r/Divorce_Men05/12/23 08:16 PM
29

My finances: when I was with her, it was always a struggle. Between her 10 different doctors, 3 different pharmacies, urgent care, and ER visits for when she’s run out of pills. Then there was the retail therapy, buying shit that would just end up in the landfill in 6 months. Clothes none of the kids wanted. Toys they didn’t want. Clothes she would never wear. Always a struggle to keep my head above water while tethered to a boat anchor. After she was gone? There’s money in the bank. Nice cars. …
/r/Divorce_Men05/12/23 03:53 AM
10

“That’s too bad.” My exwife makes poor financial decisions. Always griping about how hard it is. Yeah. How hard is it to put chicken nuggets in the oven instead of going out to eat? How hard is it to pay attention and avoid crashing your car twice a year? How hard is it to stay home and not drop your whole paycheck on new bedding every 6 months?
/r/Divorce_Men05/12/23 02:47 AM
3

Yes you do. As soon as I got the CS adjustment notice, I requested a hearing with family court. To block her.
/r/Divorce_Men03/12/23 03:41 PM
2

My judge was female. And I got divorced in AZ. Here, pretty much everything for divorces (other than CS) is “on the discretion of the presiding judge.” So the judge decides everything, especially alimony. And our judge? She just hated my exwife. She gave me a very favorable divorce after trial. Left my exwife screaming for 2 days.
/r/Divorce_Men03/12/23 03:07 PM
4

This is the absolute truth. The BAR association is fighting this. Because if they can get a custody battle going through the courts? It’ll easily eat up $100,000 on each side, and get a GAL involved too? That’s the cherry on top!
/r/Divorce_Men03/12/23 12:32 AM
2

I agree that the GAL is the worst thing ever. “Here Mr good dad. You need to pay $300 an hour endlessly so someone can tell you you’re a bad father so the mother can get full custody.”
/r/Divorce_Men01/12/23 04:09 AM
9

I realized her disasters were never going to end. I realized I needed to get out ASAP before she cost me my job, my house, my car, every last dime. I got out and guess what? Her disasters never stopped.
/r/Divorce_Men01/12/23 01:24 AM
6

Breaking point. My now exwife, 5 years into our marriage got hooked on prescription drugs - narcotics, muscle relaxers, mood stabilizers, and sleeping pills. Never knew what to expect. We had to multiple times stop her from driving because she kept crashing. Rehab only worked for a little while before relapse after relapse. The final straw was her mom, her and I all agreed that her mom would drive the kids to school. I had to be at work super early for a project. I thought everything was OK. My …
/r/Divorce_Men30/11/23 04:48 PM
4

Family court drags things out forever. I was glad to get divorced in AZ. From "date I served her with divorce papers" to our temporary orders meeting 3 weeks. To mandatory mediation (that went nowhere)? 1 month later. To first trial date? 3 weeks after that. She got a continuance because her lawyer was busy that day. Pushed out 2 months. Divorce trial. 60 days later? Divorce decree in hand. All told? 7 whole months. And it was a WIN for me.
/r/Divorce_Men30/11/23 04:39 PM
8

I took out a piece of paper and put down pros and cons of my life with my now exwife. I realized that my life was horrible with her and all of her disasters. I had zero love for her anymore. She was just an impossible burden upon me and everyone else. I took out a piece of paper and put down best case scenario on the left side. And I wrote down what my life would be like post-divorce. And then on the right side, I put down worst case scenario on post-divorce life. And the worst case scenario was…
/r/Divorce_Men30/11/23 03:16 PM
12

Women - "I want equality in everything!" Me - "Where do you stand in the concept of alimony?": Women - "Marriage is a contract! She needs that alimony!" Me - "Where do you stand when a man makes substantially less than the woman, and he wants alimony?" Women - "He's a good for nothing bum!"
/r/Divorce_Men29/11/23 07:14 PM
7

Not me personally. But a friend of my wife's. His dad got tired of his mom's constant complaining and her need to control everything. Both his kids were all grown up and out on their own. He left everything. He left his 401k and his house. And he moved to the Philippines to be with a girl he met on a business trip.
/r/Divorce_Men29/11/23 05:34 PM
5

Here is the deal with online dating. Caveat; I did meet "Wife version 2.0" on OK-Cupid 5 years ago. You have to do a lot of weeding through. Weed through the scammers and the time wasters. Anyone posting a profile or responding to your profile that isn't local to you? Scammer or time waster. But yes, if you can't secure a date after a week? They're too skittish to go out on real dates. Drop them. Then once you go out on dates, you have get rid of the drunks, the pill poppers, the pot heads and t…
/r/Divorce_Men28/11/23 01:59 PM
3

At the time of divorce, my exwife bitched at me because I bought a $12 wolf man mask for Halloween at work.
/r/Divorce_Men28/11/23 03:29 AM
2

No courts will entertain that. CS $’s can go to rent, power bill, clothes, food, water bill, etc. Only thing you can do is keep the amount as low as possible.
/r/Divorce_Men27/11/23 09:57 PM
3

Get the lawyer that sticks to money. That's all divorces are about. MONEY. That and child custody. A good lawyer will dispel with listening to your life's story. A good lawyer will only talk about W2's, tax returns, pay stubs, houses, cars, and debts.
/r/Divorce_Men27/11/23 08:15 PM
2

It depends on the jurisdiction. Some states would require it. Some states don’t.
/r/Divorce_Men27/11/23 01:35 AM
42

Marriage is over. Cancel your credit cards. Prepare for it.
/r/Divorce_Men25/11/23 11:32 PM
1

Sorry. You co-mingled those funds from an inheritance and as such? You made it a "gift to the marital community."
/r/Divorce_Men24/11/23 06:54 AM
4

You need a lawyer. Fight for her to get a deeded income of full time pay. She’s using her excuse of “I don’t want to have to work” in order to get more moneyz
/r/Divorce_Men24/11/23 01:54 AM
1

The short answer is NO. She can't assume a mortgage and pay you out at the same time. Well, not unless she has other funds to pay you your equity interest in the house. the long answer is "maybe?" If your loan type is an assumable loan. And if she would qualify. And if she's paying you your equity interest in the home from other funds, then yes the bank would allow her to assume the mortgage.
/r/Divorce_Men22/11/23 03:31 PM
2

I don’t agree on the no-fault divorce. I think that it does make divorces easier and less costly. Because you don’t have to take the other person through the mud. Granted I’ve only been divorced one time, and my “fault” with her was that she became a drug addict. And there’s my fault. But if I had to prove those irreconcilable differences because of her addiction to pills. It would have made my divorce 10 times longer with her saying “I can go to rehab again and this time I promise I’ll stay cle…
/r/Divorce_Men22/11/23 01:08 AM
1

You have to counter with evidence. And family court? They just don't really care about lies. Sorry. My exwife said she was "too sick to work" and hadn't worked in 3 years. I had a copy of her previous year's W2 when she worked for 6 weeks. Judge admonished her in her ruling, gave her $0 alimony. My exwife said that on my separate and sole property house, "My parents gave us a $5000 wedding gift to put towards the down payment" in an attempt to say it was marital property. There was no evidence o…
/r/Divorce_Men20/11/23 05:27 PM
1

Go to court with evidence. Evidence that the kids are happy and well adjusted to have you M-F for school and everything else. Write it all down. And then depending on ages of the kids? They can say for themselves to the judge where they want to live -- generally age 13 and up. But yes, some judges are VERY biased that "children belong with their mother." And too much of it is "on the discretion of the presiding judge."
/r/Divorce_Men20/11/23 04:13 PM
3

Appeasement didn’t work with hitler. Doesn’t work with STBXW’s either. My exwife admitted to her friends that it was her goal to destroy me. For me to lose everything; to being reduced to working 3 jobs to send her every last dime in alimony and CS, to seeing my kids 3 times a year. To having her new husband be “the kids real dad”. That was her goal. I fought her and won big time.
/r/Divorce_Men17/11/23 04:59 PM
1

I used all of them. Tinder, OK Cupid, Bumble, POF, etc. I went out on any woman that would go out on a date with me. Just looking for a connection. I had to weed out the scammers, and the time wasters. Anyone who isn't local for any reason? Drop them, they're scammers. Then I had to weed out the drunks, the pill poppers, the princesses and the pot heads. Weed out the "rescue me from my own poor life choices!" women. Then I met my "Wife version 2.0." All is great.
/r/Divorce_Men15/11/23 07:28 PM
1

You Need a lawyer! In my divorce, my exwife fought me because she only wanted me to have visitation only because she wanted to be a SAHM, and wanted maximum CS $'s and alimony. And family court can be very mother-centric. "The mother can do no wrong." But my "ace in the hole" was her recent conviction for "DUI with kids in the car" when she was driving high as a kite and plowed into the back of a truck. She had $7500 in DUI fines plus jail time. And with all of that? I got 50/50 custody. And the…
/r/Divorce_Men14/11/23 08:54 PM
1

When I first split with my now exwife? I was doing the 10% as I was being pulled in 20 different directions with finding my own place, financials (she refused to work), handling the kids, and then my lawyers. After that? I came to the realization that I was spending too much time worrying. So I threw myself into 3 areas, so I would not have any time at all to mope, or have any time to deal with my exwife and all of her disasters. If I had any free time? I was at work. Or I was out on a date. Or …
/r/Divorce_Men14/11/23 03:06 PM
3

Utmost importance!! Stop trying to have a baby. She wants out. It’s better to make a clean break then to muddy the divorce waters with a baby.
/r/Divorce_Men12/11/23 04:50 PM
7

I just told my now exwife. “I don’t want to be financially responsible for you and your pill popping disasters anymore.”
/r/Divorce_Men10/11/23 03:47 AM
2

For me? The weight off of my shoulders came in steps. Step 1 get my own place. Knowing I could sleep all night, not being woken up by her pill popping disasters or trips to the ER. Step 2. The financials of divorce. I made out like a bandit. My finances would be A-OK. Step 3. Get her bitch-ass out of my house.
/r/Divorce_Men09/11/23 09:00 PM
2

It would depend. A judge would say “ends on remarriage or cohabitation. A different judge would say it’s permanent no matter what. A different judge might say you’re both retired so no alimony.
/r/Divorce_Men08/11/23 11:17 PM
4

That’s the truth. She did do some jail time for her DUI. But yes, if I was the one with that “DUI with the kids in the car.” I would have gotten supervised visitation only.
/r/Divorce_Men08/11/23 03:51 PM
13

It's not cheating. You're not getting back together. The other partner knows this. When my exwife and I were separated, but living in the same house due to financial problems, with me waiting until her DUI case gets resolved (she got convicted and did jail time). I was making plans to have coffee with this woman I met at work. She got so mad, going through all of the motions about how wrong I was. Then I told her, "But aren't you doing the exact same thing? With Dave? You know, trying to meet up…
/r/Divorce_Men08/11/23 02:12 PM
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