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dnbndnb Archive

View 0 posts and 885 comments by dnbndnb on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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3

Everything is negotiable, except child support. If you get her while she is in the fog and needs money, she may agree to a lump upfront, and then you are off the hook further down the line.
/r/Divorce_Men23/10/25 12:59 AM
2

Money traded up front now in a lump sum is your better choice.
/r/Divorce_Men22/10/25 11:30 PM
9

You cannot convince her of anything is she gets the “feels”. Women love to sabotage their own friends and drag them down to their level. Better you ask her to tell her what’s wrong with your marriage in her opinion v the grand tales of excitement she hears. Even better, tell her you want to register as a man on a few dating sites just to show her the women out there in her age range seeking validation. Then ask her if destroying the lives of her children is worth keeping up with the “Jane’s”, as…
/r/Divorce_Men20/10/25 04:46 AM
14

The carousel is calling. Buy her a cat as a parting gift.
/r/Divorce_Men18/10/25 03:32 PM
1

You need to spend some time on YouTube with John Griffin — Life 2.0
/r/Divorce_Men09/10/25 07:37 PM
1

My only “negative” (and it’s not a bias) is that this is a woman psychologist diagnosis of men. What I found over time since I read that article is her emphasis on the man wanting sex is really natural male biology, and my impression was she pointed that out as a possible negative when it really is not, it’s just life. In turn, the “crazy wife” while applicable to my ex- is also somewhat applicable to most women who expect their men to be “more emotional” when the reality is men are not brought …
/r/Divorce_Men04/10/25 03:25 AM
1

https://www.drpsychmom.com/men-who-think-their-primary-value-is-being-a-workhorse/ While this was a partial description of me, there’s a link in there that also described her.
/r/Divorce_Men02/10/25 07:00 PM
1

He’s definitely a stoic. I tend to like most of them so no particular one.
/r/Divorce_Men27/01/25 07:53 PM
6

Parenting requires self-sacrifice.
/r/Divorce_Men27/01/25 12:39 PM
9

This man has the answers you are looking for. I suggest you watch several of his videos. https://youtube.com/@john-griffin?si=yBUS7DMuV2ADQjXu Keep in mind, for every man who thinks he’s found an incredible woman, there’s at least one other guy out there who’s totally done with her bullshit. You’re not really missing her, you’re missing your idealized version of what you believed she was. One time, probably my best and most honest friend, a man who never really knew my ex- and had only met her 1…
/r/Divorce_Men27/01/25 12:22 PM
1

https://a.co/d/2Ja8LyJ Though there are tons of them on Amazon
/r/Divorce_Men26/01/25 11:04 PM
1

That’s good, but also a hassle. You can’t be carrying that around every time you’re out of your room.
/r/Divorce_Men26/01/25 11:02 PM
3

You better wear a VAR every moment you’re in the home.
/r/Divorce_Men26/01/25 11:00 PM
4

When your son is with you, take your phone and his, put them face down in another room, and do things away from electronics. Take him out for lunch w/o his phone. Try to explain to him that people in his life that actually care about him are for more important than phones & games. If she objects, tell her that your time with your son is YOUR time, not necessarily her time to control your time.
/r/Divorce_Men26/01/25 04:56 AM
5

Let’s get you a better, more realistic answer. If you can, arrange custody such that she has it, and you have visitation rights. At that point, you can “leave” for greener pastures in the nearest urban area, and try to see your kid on the weekends. Chances are she’ll want those weekends free anyway. Do not tell her you plan to move. Get this thru the court as concerns the child, get it all on paper, and then do your thing. It’s impossible to know if she will engage in parental alienation and tur…
/r/Divorce_Men25/01/25 11:26 PM
17

She’s not happy you moved out/on so easily. She has a standard of entitlement and you’re not meeting it. You’re not groveling after her. And what you spend to “help” does not register at all. Chances are new man and new life are not working out in the fantasy way she expected.
/r/Divorce_Men25/01/25 10:44 PM
4

You sir, need to be carrying a VAR (voice activated recorder) for ANY interface you have with your STBXW. You need to document this episode and start documenting everything contemporaneously. If CPS ends up speaking with you about this brushing episode, you need to tell them you were at a loss as to what to do as this is a highly contentious divorce, but “yeah, I have some fear for my kids as I know courts usually lean towards maternal custody and I’m afraid my wife is going to fabricate stories…
/r/Divorce_Men24/01/25 08:55 AM
1

She will press you for as much as she can squeeze out if you. That’s not how it works most of the time. She may not want you, but she wants all the benefits of you for many years to come. Find that backbone and stiffen it up a bit. Start practicing the word “no” and the phrase “that’s unacceptable”.
/r/Divorce_Men24/01/25 08:44 AM
1

I have first hand experience dealing with this for my former MIL. 1) so long as you literally pay anything each month, you’ll likely never go to collections. So if you owe say $400/mo on a card, just pay $100. 2) you can negotiate yourself with credit card companies and if you have the cash now, eliminate your debt at 50-70% of what you owe. I wiped out many thousands my MIL owed. Here’s how you do it: you call the CC company and ask for a supervisor. You tell them you want to do a negotiated pa…
/r/Divorce_Men24/01/25 08:38 AM
3

I shared 35 with mine. I tried to do everything right. She did shitty things in return. Good riddance.
/r/Divorce_Men23/01/25 06:02 AM
6

And yet another appropriate thread where I say “Go binge watch this channel & youll feel a lot better”. And you will… https://youtube.com/@john-griffin?si=C3wHVfdQMsXozXmo As to staying in contact with your ex-, don’t bother. My ex- lives 1 mile from me in the same community. I maybe see her 1x a month and say hello. Joint friends & neighbors know I have zero desire to interface with her. I say so bluntly. She said we should be “friends” but after thinking it over, I told myself I have no lying,…
/r/Divorce_Men23/01/25 05:54 AM
2

Ah yes, the great communicators that they are…
/r/Divorce_Men23/01/25 05:49 AM
3

Ever notice they never say what they hope to do for you?
/r/Divorce_Men23/01/25 05:47 AM
1

“It’s always darkest before the dawn”. The goal is to grind you down. You have the choice in how it grinds you. I’ve been under significant stress for long periods a few times in my life. In the end I realized much of that stress becomes self imposed. YOU let it build as a pile. Far better to deal with one issue at a time, control what you can, and don’t let the stuff you can’t control end up controlling you. Yours is yet another post where I suggest you binge watch this guy below. Think of him …
/r/Divorce_Men22/01/25 01:55 AM
3

It is not uncommon for the spouse to leave the provider once the provider can no longer provide. You’re only as good as the last payment you make. She obviously does not want to be “burdened” by taking care of you. Now that you’ve blown all your money & are only an expense… adios!
/r/Divorce_Men20/01/25 07:59 PM
1

I always say sue her for defamation of character and anything else. Let her know you mean business.
/r/Divorce_Men20/01/25 05:45 PM
4

Women can be exceptionally emotionally cruel. “Mean girls” was not just a movie. She feels very strong & empowered now.
/r/Divorce_Men19/01/25 04:41 PM
7

Please spend some time binge watching this man’s channel. I believe it will help you. https://youtube.com/@john-griffin?si=GHpPWZdQrIG400ty
/r/Divorce_Men19/01/25 04:39 PM
5

The sense of entitlement never ends.
/r/Divorce_Men18/01/25 07:52 PM
3

Mine was in AZ. Both of us retired. I’m sure my ex- thought there would be alimony but as soon as she called it, I did some quick research. When I told her there would be no alimony, instead of saying “of course” she said “well I have to protect my interests”. I’m sure she actually believed there would be on the basis of whatever gf’s were advising her.
/r/Divorce_Men18/01/25 04:33 PM
2

You cannot “legally” hide money, but given you own a business there are ways you can “lose it” and later recoup it. Depends upon the business. At the present time you have commingled assets. As such both you and her can spend whatever you want on whatever you want. There is logic in spending money to protect it. For example you can pre-fund college plans for the kids, thus taking money off the table now for future use later that you likely would spend money upon at that time.
/r/Divorce_Men18/01/25 02:25 AM
10

If she’s bringing up divorce, she has dollar signs in her eyes. See an attorney immediately
/r/Divorce_Men16/01/25 12:44 AM
2

Wholly disagree. “Using them” is what the parent pushing alienation is doing.
/r/Divorce_Men15/01/25 02:40 AM
9

Plan one last trip to the house. Have a trailer or whatever, get what you want/need, and end this “stuff” business. Tell her you don’t want her there when you come, and you especially do not want her fuckhead BF there. If she fails to accommodate you, tell her “lose the fuckhead, I’m moving back in until I get the last of my stuff”. When you go back, have a friend vidro everything that gets done and taken from arrival to departure.
/r/Divorce_Men14/01/25 04:14 AM
2

Document, document, document. Ask your kids on video “what do mommy & grannie say about me? Do you believe them? How often do they say this?”
/r/Divorce_Men14/01/25 04:04 AM
4

This would be my communication to her: “I understand you’d like to see a higher price on the sale of the home. Obviously so would I! Unfortunately, post-divorce I don’t have the free cash flow to spruce it up. It’s difficult enough as it is to keep up with all the costs of a single household. Now if YOU would like to pay materials & labor to spruce it up, by all means let’s do it! We’ll take that money off the top when it sells and give it back to you, then split any gains afterwards. We need to…
/r/Divorce_Men14/01/25 02:25 AM
9

She seems very entitled and self-absorbed. Certainly rather clueless about how many shining white nights want to sweep a women in her 40’s(?) with a bad attitude and two young children off her feet. I stayed with a cheating wife to protect my children, but she was never this toxic. I might suggest you divide your finances now. As in, you keep what’s yours, pay half the bills, and tell her that her “retail therapy” is over. When she protests, tell her this is what divorce life looks like, and tha…
/r/Divorce_Men13/01/25 04:00 AM
20

It’s not your problem to manage her relationships. You’re getting divorced. She’s on her own.
/r/Divorce_Men12/01/25 08:25 PM
2

Your feelings are quite valid. You feel used and abused by the person you should have been able to trust the most Go take your anger out on some iron in a gym. Maybe a heavy bag as well. Yours is another post where I’ll say “go spend some time binge watching videos from the below YouTube channel”. I’m pretty certain he’s going to help. https://youtube.com/@john-griffin?si=XyavHE5obKvd50OS
/r/Divorce_Men11/01/25 11:58 AM
2

Both my ex- and my families were dysfunctional. However 35 years ago there was no internet and no one talked of such things. You’d just “deal with it”. In retrospect there were plenty of 🚩flags that I ignored. And I doubt she’s spend even a few minutes in her entire life actually contemplating her destructive actions. Like one of the other replies, I was a Nice Guy who wanted to be happy and for her to be happy. Now in her 60’s she’s still not beyond the “party” stage. Always had to be doing som…
/r/Divorce_Men11/01/25 11:51 AM
4

You sir need to spend some time binge watching this YouTube channel to better understand what you’re going through. It’s not so much “red pill” content as it’s educated stoicism. https://youtube.com/@john-griffin?si=G4f65h39Tv3AXf-8
/r/Divorce_Men11/01/25 05:14 AM
3

I have a close friend. We used to go to lunch regularly when I lived in the same city. It was a “guys” thing. We never socialized with spouses and never met each others.. One day he starts to open up about his wife. He was clearly near a breaking point. I let him talk about her uninterrupted, then asked a few questions. Although not a trained professional, by his description, he was “married to my mother” — a woman with true Narcissist Personality Disorder. I told him ordinary I would suggest co…
/r/Divorce_Men11/01/25 04:41 AM
10

She doesn’t really want you back, she simply doesn’t want anyone else to have you. Likely she had another guy on the line, and you were always Plan B if it didn’t work out. Now that you’re officially “moving on” and life has not become what she’s expected, she wants to grab back on to something (someone) and you’re a known quantity. My advice is DO NOT do it!
/r/Divorce_Men11/01/25 12:55 AM
6

Congratulations! I too am much happier post divorce. Took a few years to get here. Never going back
/r/Divorce_Men10/01/25 04:22 PM
5

This is a form of manipulation & punishment. Go book your diary as well. Or, don’t come home s few times when she expects to go out. She’s trying to marginalize you as much as possible. OTOH, if you keep a copy of all this, it will help in a custody fight showing she has little interest in being with the children.
/r/Divorce_Men09/01/25 04:16 PM
11

It took me ~2 years of self-analysis (picking apart me, her, our marriage, our dysfunction etc) to be “good”. Now at 3.5 years I don’t think I’ve been happier in decades. It DOES get better with time.
/r/Divorce_Men09/01/25 04:11 PM
5

You’re correct, not all are. However the ones that leave “good men” have this in common.
/r/Divorce_Men09/01/25 02:01 AM
40

I watched that video a long time ago. Just rewatched it. It can be summed up as: 1) if SHE is not “happy”, you must be the problem. 2) SHE can never be the problem so she’ll justify her actions to MAKE you the problem in her mind. 3) women have serious issues with accountability for their actions, and little to no introspection skills. 4) nothing is ever their fault.
/r/Divorce_Men08/01/25 11:24 PM
1

Exactly. She fell for some other guy, let him support her.
/r/Divorce_Men07/01/25 04:25 AM
10

Chances are you lived your married life (at least at some point) worried about “what’s she thinking”. You cannot control other peoples thoughts. Any future “she” will think what she wants to think. Have a simple one-liner to deal with this. “Divorce pretty much wiped out my savings so in order to rebuild I moved back in with my parents for a bit. And amazingly, it’s not so bad at all. Not permanent, but it’s working for all of us.”
/r/Divorce_Men07/01/25 04:12 AM
2

Right there with ya brother.
/r/Divorce_Men06/01/25 07:28 PM
5

This guy on YouTube will explain a lot of what you don’t understand. I suggest you binge watch him. https://youtube.com/@john-griffin?si=wThMo2rV1Yox5GIs My split was after 35 years together. It took 2 years to be truly good with it, and now 3.5 years later I don’t think I could be happier! You’re going thru an adjustment period. She checked out long ago. So she looks “just fine” as her adjustment was made during the marriage. You were simply kept in the dark.
/r/Divorce_Men05/01/25 07:45 PM
1

Depending on alimony laws in your state, you really should discuss this with a lawyer. Remaining married for longer may saddle you with supporting her a long time when you do get divorced.
/r/Divorce_Men05/01/25 07:41 PM
2

If we don’t help each other, who will?
/r/Divorce_Men04/01/25 10:05 PM
2

Pretty sure that was me. Ive posted him up in lots of threads.
/r/Divorce_Men04/01/25 09:51 PM
14

Grey divorce here. Went on a few dates. Even found one woman I really liked, only to find she really only cared about what she cared about, and not what I cared about. Now I have no desire to date again. On those rare moments I get the urge it passes quickly. My life is VERY peaceful. No reason to screw that up.
/r/Divorce_Men03/01/25 08:57 PM
4

Honestly, I would sue her for defamation of character, emotional distress, and anything else some cheap shyster is will to tag on there. Understand it will never make it to court, but the goal is to show backbone and let her know you’re serious.
/r/Divorce_Men31/12/24 07:40 PM
2

I put this up in occasional posts here. You need to spend time on the YouTube channel of John Griffin. He’s not “red pill rage” like some channels, but more psychological stoic in nature. Your rage will eventually pass. It comes from lots of places but justly from allowing yourself to be used and manipulated. We’ve all been there. John will cover some of the psychological aspects you’ve never dwelled upon. Give him a try. Also accept time will dull this. All that said, if you still have to inter…
/r/Divorce_Men31/12/24 02:15 PM
3

You sir, need to visit the YouTube channel of John Griffin for the education you are lacking. Beating “weak” is the last thing a woman wants from a man. There’s a whole lot of “female psychology” you’ve likely never explored, as most of us here never did. You’ll get past this, look back, and if you do it correctly be thankful for your freedom. Go watch a bunch of John. You’ll thank me later.
/r/Divorce_Men31/12/24 01:35 PM
0

A belated Christmas gift of house cleaners?
/r/Divorce_Men30/12/24 08:40 PM
1

Get a dumpster delivered and just throw it away. It may hurt at the time, but you’ll forget about it soon enough.
/r/Divorce_Men29/12/24 08:34 AM
3

How you split it depends on how combative you both are and how much money is truly involved. My ex- and I were splitting multiple 7 figures. I did a spreadsheet of estimates for all the big stuff, the house, furniture as a lot, vehicles, and then personal goods. Never even contemplated things like cleaning supplies. Keep it on the big scale. Don’t sweat the little shit. Just assign a value to it and try to leave it with her so you don’t have to deal with moving it. And please don’t do a list lik…
/r/Divorce_Men29/12/24 08:28 AM
3

He’s just one of many. As far as he’s concerned, you as a couple are long over. Obviously she feels the same. You want to stand on a principle that really no longer applies. If this were the guy who destroyed your marriage, I’d understand. In the end, it’s all about the kid now, not your principles.
/r/Divorce_Men29/12/24 08:22 AM
2

Excellent choice!
/r/Divorce_Men26/12/24 05:01 AM
2

Choose wisely grasshopper. AI is going to eliminate many jobs over the next decade. Those least likely are the ones involved in “one-off” work like tradesmen. If you think a smart computer might be able to replace you, hood chance it will.
/r/Divorce_Men26/12/24 04:30 AM
5

This. Exactly. Also find out who served you. There’s some relationship there.
/r/Divorce_Men23/12/24 03:51 AM
0

No running away. 🤦‍♂️ He took an opportunity that sounds like it was what he always wanted. SHE AGREED TO HIS PLANS. What you advocate is whatever she does or wants, whenever she changes her mind, he should simply bend to it. Such a marriage will never last.
/r/Divorce_Men20/12/24 07:26 PM
1

The Talking Heads said it best: Psycho Killer Qu’est-ce que c’est ? fa fa fa fa fa fa fa fa fa far better Run run run run run run run away Psycho Killer Qu’est-ce que c’est ? fa fa fa fa fa fa fa fa fa far better Run run run run run run run away
/r/Divorce_Men20/12/24 03:10 AM
3

I personally don’t know of one. There are many relationship books, but I find many lend themselves towards the female view of the world. One of the top recommended books for men is “No More Mr. Nice Guy”. I found it decent. In my case I like YouTube as I can listen while doing other things. There are a few videos I’ve found that really helped understand the emotional POV in a way that guys don’t really get. I’ll put them below. https://youtu.be/j3nXYVlPrcY?si=5g_4DFltxGbHsXdc https://youtu.be/qy…
/r/Divorce_Men19/12/24 11:34 PM
1

Today’s video appears to be written for you!
/r/Divorce_Men19/12/24 07:56 PM
6

It does not sound like you can afford counseling, nor much of anything else. You need a plan sir. I suggest you focus first on the following: 1) job 2) wheels if you don’t have them 3) place to live (which could be #2 if you get a van) 4) cheap gym membership Men need a sense of purpose, and right now you have none, so you’re wallowing. Frankly, at this point being the fry cook at McDonalds would be just fine, so long as you have some structure and some responsibility. Construction would likely …
/r/Divorce_Men19/12/24 06:20 AM
6

Were I in your shoes, frankly, i’d sue her for defamation of character. Others will tell you not to bother, but that’s what I’d do. I’d want that “on record” and I’d make her go to court over it. Nothing less that a written admission that she made it up would stop the suit. And I’d file a new one every f’n time she pulls bullshit like this. I’d further demand psychological evaluation of her fitness as a parent. Total scorched earth. But that’s just me.
/r/Divorce_Men19/12/24 06:06 AM
2

You married a “human doing”. They can’t be, only do…
/r/Divorce_Men19/12/24 01:56 AM
5

If it means anything, they likely won’t last. Your anger will chill more with more time. Don’t get yourself locked up over fighting with the trash. I’m going to suggest you spend some time on the YouTube channel of John Griffon. I think it will help you.
/r/Divorce_Men18/12/24 09:18 PM
3

The lease on the rented house can expire. She’ll have to leave the house.
/r/Divorce_Men18/12/24 05:11 PM
2

BTW, I should add something else. It is possible that having the baby where you work now may lead to dual citizenship. THAT is well worth several months wherever you are if that’s an option.
/r/Divorce_Men17/12/24 02:13 AM
-1

“Has to take responsibility”… what does that exactly mean? Where is her responsibility for getting pregnant? Going off the pill so quickly? (Please don’t tell me she didn’t know as the women always know). And where is her responsibility for supporting his decision and now rug pulling that support?
/r/Divorce_Men17/12/24 02:06 AM
1

Though my ex-w wanted the divorce, I filed. Her credit took NO hit, mine immediately went down by like 60(?) points. Just when filing. We both had high limit CC’s (mine significantly higher) with low usage, paid off monthly, and no mortgage. It appears there’s an immediate bias against men in divorce.
/r/Divorce_Men16/12/24 07:45 PM
1

I don’t know this guy personally, but my impression from others is she’s got a “nice guy” (like I was) and she’s going to “direct” the relationship. I’m an extremely introspective person. My ex- has zero introspection. Zero accountability. I don’t actually want to be his “friend”, I just want to see the look on her face if I offered him a night out with some beers. She’d immediately be aware that her carefully crafted “poor me” stories (lies) would immediately be exposed.
/r/Divorce_Men16/12/24 07:17 PM
23

She knew EXACTLY what she was doing when she got pregnant. The baby was the “anchor” to keep you in the relationship on her terms. She has put herself first in this drama, and the baby is the trump card in this “game”. Your family is supporting her because they want this grandchild. She’s the “poor wife who was abandoned” and gets to regularly play that sympathy card. Women are very good at this manipulation. Think about this… there are married men in the military that are regularly deployed awa…
/r/Divorce_Men16/12/24 05:10 PM
2

The night she admitted there was physical contact during her cheating. It never went back on again.
/r/Divorce_Men15/12/24 04:59 AM
10

A man will sacrifice his happiness for his family. A woman will sacrifice her family for her happiness. That’s all you need to know.
/r/Divorce_Men15/12/24 02:00 AM
2

This is NOT going to work. She trained you to be a provider ONLY. For years (decades?) she’s been able to do WTF she felt like with little to no pushback. People don’t change unless 1) they have no choice or 2) it’s forced upon them in such a way as they’re going to be adversely impacted to a significant extent. (Like homeless, starving, etc.). Your list is not going to happen. It’s wishful thinking. She doesn’t love you, likely doesn’t like you either. You’re Johnny Paycheck. She’s not going to…
/r/Divorce_Men15/12/24 01:53 AM
1

I’m soooooooo tempted by the thought that when I see them both together, I should shake his hand and say “Hey, we got a lot in common. We should go out for a beer together sometime!”. My ex- would be mortified! 😉
/r/Divorce_Men14/12/24 09:45 PM
2

I’d “light her very short fuse” somewhere where she gets caught on camera going after you yet again. Likely make the divorce easier in the courts.
/r/Divorce_Men14/12/24 09:18 PM
1

She needed another “nice guy” to direct in life. Neither of us had good family models, but hers was worse. Made her selfish. I’ll be interested to see if he lasts. I heard she even had to pack him up and get him to jettison a bunch of shit to move into her house. She’s already doing to him what she did to me, backstabbing him to others instead of addressing any issues. It’s only been a few weeks too. 🤣
/r/Divorce_Men14/12/24 08:52 PM
2

Grey divorcee here. My ex-w has a new BF. I know for a fact a few other guys had already dumped her. I guess the one she MOVED into her house, even though divorced, was not bright enough to see her red flags. And right about the 3 year mark.
/r/Divorce_Men13/12/24 10:41 PM
1

Took me about a day of self teaching to learn to scull at a rudimentary level. Spend a few months at it and you’ll look like those guys you see in movie backgrounds. Keep your nails cut REAL short when you start. Thank me later.
/r/Divorce_Men12/12/24 10:08 PM
0

I’m a guy and I’ll say the opposite. You try to stick it out for the kids and try to make it better overall. At least until they get older.
/r/Divorce_Men12/12/24 07:04 PM
1

You every try rowing a scull (one man boat)? I can tell you it is one of the most zen things I ever did. It’s all early AM stuff. I’m sure there are clubs near you. Or maybe get in an 8 as part of a team. Of all things I’ve done in life, I’d rank sculling as one I truly miss. https://www.miamirowing.org
/r/Divorce_Men12/12/24 06:51 PM
1

Post divorce I can afford to do pretty much anything, but I’m a grey divorce and all those torn parts you talk of…yeah, got a lot of “structural” issues. (BTW, get as many of those fixed when younger as they get worse when older). Anyway, I’m taking up the flute. I’ve had drums & bass guitars, but I need something far less taxing on my body. You’ll understand this one day. Ever consider archery? It’s challenging, solid initial investment of $6-1500 and your done. Can do it in plenty of places. C…
/r/Divorce_Men12/12/24 06:46 PM
1

It’s amazing how once you leave 50/50, dads just get hammered.
/r/Divorce_Men12/12/24 05:35 PM
4

I’m going to refer you to the YouTube channel of John Griffon. Lots of YouTube men’s channels, but his is pretty grounded with messages you need to hear.
/r/Divorce_Men11/12/24 08:03 PM
2

Record and save EVERY conversation. Upload them all to the cloud. Keep a daily schedule of even the most mundane events like “drive kids to school”. You want to account for all time and actions in case she makes up some bullshit to get you falsely charged.
/r/Divorce_Men11/12/24 08:01 PM
3

PLEASE understand she is now “the enemy”. No weepy eyes in this process. She has ZERO respect for you, the family, or anything else. You are nothing but a future paycheck. That’s it bubba. Nothing more. If you have to deal with her in person over anything you best have a VAR (voice activated recorder) running in a shirt pocket. Do not meet her in any private places if one of you has left the house. YOU do not leave the house. Do not put it past her to try and destroy your military career with fa…
/r/Divorce_Men11/12/24 07:58 PM
11

My ex- once commented to the effect “What happened to the guy who used to be afraid of nothing?” Marriage. That’s what happened.
/r/Divorce_Men11/12/24 07:47 PM
6

“Love is blind” as they say. She is in the limerence stage of a relationship. Nothing he does is wrong. She has idealized him as the answer, and you as the problem. Likely she pushed to open the marriage and you agreed hoping it would save it. In the meantime you were her Plan B while she felt out Plan A. “He” is not your “friend”. He’s an opportunistic loser happy to get some free ass. She is clearly not wife material as she cannot distinguish a real partnership from “the butterflies”. Her blam…
/r/Divorce_Men10/12/24 06:10 AM
2

When I got my divorce, we used one lawyer (mine). I’m sure much of the work was done by a paralegal. I was correcting all kinds of crap after they did a c&p of what I provided. Through several revisions. When I sold a business, the buyers had an attorney draw up the purchase agreement. There was junk in there from prior deals. I edited it all up, sent it back. Some got fixed (likely by a paralegal) and other stuff was simply ignored/forgotten so I fixed it again. By the third time I got the offe…
/r/Divorce_Men07/12/24 07:02 PM
2

Some may interpret you as “plucky”, some may just treat you on the merits of what you file, others will become highly resentful and wait for that opportunity to cut you off at the knees. Be careful.
/r/Divorce_Men07/12/24 06:35 PM
3

You need to take control of your time. If not the ex- will get full custody via parental alienation.
/r/Divorce_Men07/12/24 06:28 PM
1

It’s a big club and you ain’t in it. All the judges and attorneys know each other. You know none of them.
/r/Divorce_Men07/12/24 06:20 PM
6

Anything you share gets shared with her. Build your case in silence. Record (VAR), document etc accordingly.
/r/Divorce_Men07/12/24 06:15 PM
5

We were only together for ~ 2-3 weeks post D-day. Then she did what she always did best, took off on trips elsewhere. She knew I wasn’t going to fight over the house as she loved it and it wasn’t worth the fight to me. Just part of the asset division. I had roughly 2.5 months to move out without her there. I made it. I could have stayed longer but really, why? Found & partially remodeled a home in that time. I had a friend where her lawyer kept the meter running asking for all kinds of bullshit,…
/r/Divorce_Men07/12/24 06:57 AM
6

~50% of marriages end in divorce with 70-80% of those initiated by the women. That leaves the other 50%. Of those I’d only guess half are not b necessary happy, but not so miserable as to call it quits. Some may be married for economic reasons only. So maybe, again I’m only guessing, 25% of marriages are in a positive footing. The question then becomes what makes those work? There are a number of reasons: 1) excellent communication by both partners 2) shared ideas, ideals & values 3) likely both…
/r/Divorce_Men07/12/24 06:49 AM
1

Check for anywhere Southwest Air will get you cheap. And while I don’t know if they fly there, I’d suggest a drive from Miami down the Keys & back.
/r/Divorce_Men07/12/24 06:37 AM
1

No kidding!
/r/Divorce_Men07/12/24 01:50 AM
2

If she has a college degree, unless it is in something worthless like basket weaving, a COURT will impute an income level for her regardless of her experience provided the degree is rather current. This would decrease any alimony for which you might be on the hook. Even if you both come to an agreement on child support, if it is less that what the state uses in their formula, even post divorce she can go to court and ask for more. In your position, I would do only one thing right now. Ask her to…
/r/Divorce_Men06/12/24 06:48 AM
1

Life is going to hand her a rude awakening soon enough.
/r/Divorce_Men06/12/24 06:33 AM
4

Getting there as well. Not even motivated to date.
/r/Divorce_Men05/12/24 09:16 AM
4

I grew up with a full blown NPD mother. Didn’t figure it out until my 50’s. I believe I’ve met four true NPD personalities in my 60+ years on this planet, two male & two female. Like everything else this has become pop psychology, easy answer blame shifting. Every person has some narcissism in them. However by clinical definition, not may people fit the true psychological definition of a narcissist.
/r/Divorce_Men05/12/24 03:37 AM
5

Amazingly I’m going to take up flute in my 60’s. Should get one delivered tomorrow. I’ve played some drums, and some bass. Wanted to pick up something that’s just plain “light” on the body. Something I can do sitting in a chair, and something easy on the joints. Also very easy to take on trips.
/r/Divorce_Men05/12/24 02:18 AM
5

If you stay, you get a post-nuptial. Strays or divorces you before the kids reach adulthood, she gets nothing.
/r/Divorce_Men04/12/24 02:51 PM
1

You’re in WA, she’s the breadwinner, you the caregiver. Knew a couple like you two. He divorced her. Kids stayed in the house with him. There was some joint custody. Unsure of how the finances worked but I recall her saying it split out around 58/42 in his favor. Don’t be cowed by her. Get a lawyer. Do nothing to make her life easier in this.
/r/Divorce_Men02/12/24 06:36 PM
14

Do NOT leave the house. Tell her she’s free to leave. Then file.
/r/Divorce_Men02/12/24 06:13 PM
3

If you’re military and he was military, by all means let the service know.
/r/Divorce_Men01/12/24 04:48 PM
2

It’s time for a counseling session (or series) to discuss this in a “safe” environment (for her). Furthermore, it sounds like you have the bank to actually hire someone to prep meals for your family. That might be an impetus to changing her size. There are lots of reasons people get fat. Some hormonal, some chemical. Some addictive, but most tied go psychological issues where food becomes a crutch and reward system. She likely needs counseling more than a dietitian. Your comment about her keepin…
/r/Divorce_Men01/12/24 03:33 AM
8

There is nothing good that can come out of this. You may be accused of assault to further her accusations. She may try to get you to agree to something and later harangue you if you won’t sign off on it.
/r/Divorce_Men01/12/24 01:42 AM
21

That’s a big no. My friends don’t include liars, cheaters and backstabbers so why would she be my friend?
/r/Divorce_Men01/12/24 01:37 AM
3

Absolutely this.
/r/Divorce_Men29/11/24 05:23 PM
14

As a child we had a wood burning fireplace. From the time I was six years old on I would put wood in there and poke at the embers. Her ridiculous helicopter parenting scheme is an affront to kids growing up to be self-functioning entities.
/r/Divorce_Men28/11/24 05:10 PM
6

Could this be “like mother, like daughter”? Whatever bad traits your ex- had will likely be modeled for your daughter as normal behavior.
/r/Divorce_Men27/11/24 05:52 AM
8

This reads like a co-dependent relationship. Go visit YouTube for more info.
/r/Divorce_Men27/11/24 05:45 AM
1

Is there a “happy medium” for the near term? You have a child, stay where you are, and make do with the current space? He gets what he wants, and you both get a child. I would think the children aspect is the most important part of this impasse. You obviously could continue to live in NY. Your father really has nothing to do with your relationship with your husband. This is a common thing women do when they don’t get their way, they “rally the troops” (family or especially girlfriends) to suppor…
/r/Divorce_Men26/11/24 09:16 PM
11

It is only to your benefit to get an attorney immediately for so many reasons list below… Plus one more… Your attorney can slow this process Wayyyy Down. Heck you could get them to drag it out for two years via various delays, court rescheduling, etc. This gives you more time to have more time with your kids to demonstrate you should be a 50/50 dad. More time to save up cash, more time for pretty much everything. And yes, this comes with a financial price, but in your case this may well be worth…
/r/Divorce_Men26/11/24 12:38 PM
5

Bro’, I feel the need to point something out to you. Trump used to be a Democrat. His “team” of advisors were mostly all Democrats (Musk, Gabbard, Kennedy). These people didn’t become Republicans, it’s that the Democrats lurched down the far left, they ended up on the right side of the divide. I’m not a fan of Trump, but the woke insanity of the Biden years has to go. What you have is not a new crew of republicans, but a crew of democrats with the same value system of D’s in the 60’s (and I grew…
/r/Divorce_Men26/11/24 12:30 PM
7

You have the right attitude. Social media and Online Dating (OD) has corrupted the traditional process of meeting and getting married. Women of low value are convinced they’re of high value because of the affirmation of OD. Hookup culture reinforces that belief even though the reality is it’s destroying the value of women for men. Meanwhile, just like we’ve been thru the race hustlers in the past, we now live through the social media influencers hustles coupled with acquiesce to the insanity of …
/r/Divorce_Men26/11/24 12:17 PM
2

Add the YouTube channel of John Griffon , as well as the channel psychacks
/r/Divorce_Men26/11/24 11:43 AM
2

You gotta do what you gotta do. In many respects she’s no longer your problem.
/r/Divorce_Men24/11/24 11:17 PM
5

I periodically throw this up in some posts here. I suggest you spend a lot of time on the John Griffin YouTube channel to simply give you a wider perspective. Outside that, I would NEVER meet her without a VAR or even a body cam on. Ever. All pickups and drops at a neutral place, no houses unless it’s a grandparent that can be neutral.
/r/Divorce_Men24/11/24 10:36 PM
3

Better he does it before he is formally served. After all, they’re 50/50 partners. Technically he could take it all.
/r/Divorce_Men24/11/24 10:30 PM
7

RIGHT NOW, and I mean the minute you f’n see this: 1) get ALL important papers out of the house 2) get ALL tools you may need out of the house, as well as any heirlooms or items of significant value 3) open a new checking account in your name only and have direct deposit set up for it immediately 4) divide any accounts you have, and take 50% out of all of them 5) get a VAR to carry on you all the time and upload every day of recording to the cloud. 6) put a VAR in every vehicle with your name at…
/r/Divorce_Men24/11/24 08:43 PM
5

You’ll understand a lot more after a few hours of listening to him. Might try Psychacks channel too. The #1 takeaway is women are wired nothing like men. Don’t ever expect rational thought, allegiance, or devotion. They’re slaves to their emotional needs, which are their reality at any given time. Actual reality need not intrude.
/r/Divorce_Men22/11/24 10:07 PM
1

Sorry, Griffin.
/r/Divorce_Men21/11/24 08:32 PM
3

We have all ended up here in this forum for the very same reason. I suggest you spend some time on YouTube watching the channel by John Griffon. He will teach you quite a bit.
/r/Divorce_Men21/11/24 08:00 PM
3

It’s no different.
/r/Divorce_Men21/11/24 07:38 PM
16

You need an attitude re-adjustment. I want you to think about how YOU would feel if you dumped a date, and she kept pleading to be with you? Would you want her? Would you RESPECT her? Don’t ever do this again. It shows weakness as a man, not strength.
/r/Divorce_Men21/11/24 07:27 PM
11

“A man will sacrifice his happiness for the sake of his family. A woman will destroy her family for the sake of her happiness.” If you have such a huge percentage of custody, go after her for child support once the ink is dry and get that alimony back. I especially feel for your kids. Mm chooses another guy over them and moves 6 hours away. Yeesh
/r/Divorce_Men20/11/24 04:18 PM
2

Think about it. For 13 years she and the kid (plus job) were the focus of your life. Now you’re in a position of having to refocus. You have no control over time allocated to your son, she is gone, and I can only surmise that like many guys everything else got pushed aside for family. Now there is no “family”. So what is really the focus? You had a plan, and that plan has been toasted. I can tell you to get in the gym, pick up new hobbies, whatever…the same thing others tell you. And that’s all …
/r/Divorce_Men20/11/24 07:52 AM
3

Sometimes it just takes time. Two years post divorce I had pretty much figured everything out. I was “good”, but not “great”. Now three years past divorce I finally feel genuinely happy. I don’t know how to explain it other than I feel as if I’ve finally shed the past (35 years together) and become myself. You’re looking for “an” answer. Realistically the answer lies within, and it will eventually come out.
/r/Divorce_Men20/11/24 03:48 AM
3

She already cost you plenty, and a full on divorce could conceivably cost you plenty more. Cut a deal for $X/month for 6 months. Leave the pets with her. Leave all the furniture with her. Move to someplace super cheap for a year and chalk this all up to expensive education. If she pushes for more explain to her that a court will impute her income, that her very best alimony hope would be nine months, but likely zero given the duration of the marriage, and that all the items you’re leaving with h…
/r/Divorce_Men18/11/24 06:21 PM
7

1) If you are out of the house get back in there NOW. She cannot prevent you from living in your own home. 2) have a VAR (voice activated recorder) on you at all times. Upload every day to the cloud in case she tries to claim assault or abuse. 3) get a lawyer immediately. As in take a day or two off work and find a good one. Try to file First to set the narrative. 4) keep a written diary of everything you do with the kids. Take pictures of every outing. 5) if you can get your employer to allow y…
/r/Divorce_Men17/11/24 09:49 PM
2

Absolutely this.
/r/Divorce_Men13/11/24 09:37 AM
1

Get yourself a 12 pack of long necks. Find an abandoned building. Drink one, break it on the wall. Keep going until totally drunk.
/r/Divorce_Men13/11/24 01:45 AM
4

I’ve never been to divorce court (managed to avoid it), but here’s what I learned from a few stops in traffic court. Spell it out in pictures! You will get another day in court. By that time you need to be ready to submit pictures of stubs, whatever with clear, large print indicating what you need to have seen and acknowledged. In your case I’d have a check blown up with the net pay box in color and something like “2x per month”. I’d also have copies of all checking account deposits with the pay…
/r/Divorce_Men12/11/24 08:42 PM
3

Just with the filing of my divorce MY credit took an immediate drop of 40+ points. Hers? Zero impact. Likely because FICO knows men routinely get the financial shaft.
/r/Divorce_Men12/11/24 08:31 PM
2

You gotta play to win! Seriously, why the hell not try? Worst is it doesn’t happen. Best is you become a mentor to others.
/r/Divorce_Men07/11/24 03:47 PM
3

Get a VAR (voice activated recorder) and carry it on you from now forward. This is to protect against DV accusations. Get all important documents, arms, tools, heirlooms, etc out of the house into somewhere else NOW in case she pulls a DV (domestic violence) charge on you. Separate finances. Take 1/2 of everything and put it in new accounts in your name only. Get direct deposit changed to your new account. Cancel all joint credit cards Change all subscriptions passwords, all email passwords. Mak…
/r/Divorce_Men05/11/24 09:13 PM
6

Your best play right now is to drag this past her graduation. At that point she has an imputed income potential. Even better to drag it until she gets a job.
/r/Divorce_Men05/11/24 09:02 PM
1

Three months after out decree was signed I was at 144/88. Now three years after it was signed I’m at 112/77. I’d have your bf send a registered letter of documentation of payout to the lawyer involved. If he was the one who put the lien on, I’d not that his next letter will be to the state bar and he’ll retain an attorney to get this settled, including suing her for all attorney fees.
/r/Divorce_Men04/11/24 05:22 PM
17

Got divorced 3 years ago. Check your BP now, and check it again a year from now. I bet it drops.
/r/Divorce_Men03/11/24 09:29 PM
1

My ex- will always paint herself to be the victim. I’m well aware that’s she said stuff behind my back that are outright lies. I could play this game back by telling everyone how she’s a cheater and a liar. Instead, I make sure in a roundabout way that I let women she knows know that “she called it quits. I offered counseling but she declined so it was over.” I do this because I know she has told people I abandoned her (not true) and it’s my polite way of saying she’s a liar before any of them e…
/r/Divorce_Men03/11/24 04:59 PM
3

Go roam these two sites for ideas of what she may have planted: https://www.palmvid.com/palmvid-wifi-series-aircleaner-3-hidden-camera-pvairclean-wifi-3.html https://deluxecctv.com/shop/
/r/Divorce_Men03/11/24 05:59 AM
4

Response above was excellent! There’s no such think as being half pregnant, or in half a relationship. She made a choice. She’s scared by this choice, and having you as a crutch she can run back to if it doesn’t work is her best of all worlds. You’re not being “supportive” in a way that benefits you, you’re only being supportive in a way that benefits her. It should be obvious by now she doesn’t actually care about how YOU feel, only how she feels. She wants half a marriage—emotional support on …
/r/Divorce_Men02/11/24 07:20 AM
12

Congratulations, you get your life back! Imagine dedicating more years to someone’s care who doesn’t give a shit about you. Be free!
/r/Divorce_Men01/11/24 07:36 PM
5

Had a friend who got divorced a few years ago from his true NPD wife (I had to educate him on her). He was afraid he’d never find someone again. He did, and after some issues resolved they got married & make a nice couple. I told him this weekend I just don’t think I’ll be following his road. Too peaceful now.
/r/Divorce_Men31/10/24 05:06 AM
8

Right here. You’re a year behind me. Only found one woman I really liked but it didn’t fly. Now no desire to even try. Retired, got tons of “cash”, and enjoying the peace. Only ever on one dating site and most of the women look pretty scary when you get up to my age. The few dates I went on were no one (but one) I’d ever have any long term interest in seeing. Took a bit of time to get used to this but now not having any retreats.
/r/Divorce_Men31/10/24 05:03 AM
8

For decades my BP was around 128/86. Now post divorce is around 110/72. While I was stressed at the start, life is much more peaceful now.
/r/Divorce_Men31/10/24 04:58 AM
4

You don’t mention kids. Assuming none, best to get out immediately. If you later have kids she’ll do this again & that is a much harder road to go down. Think about it solely this way… do you want a woman you cannot trust who does not respect you?
/r/Divorce_Men30/10/24 02:08 AM
3

If you think it’s coming, prepare accordingly. Don’t wait to react.
/r/Divorce_Men30/10/24 02:01 AM
1

Mine were ~2.5 & 4yrs old. I fought for their sake, and I guess for mine too. Financially it would have destroyed me for life.
/r/Divorce_Men27/10/24 03:37 AM
1

And risk having random guys dragged thru your kids lives by a mentally unstable woman seeking attention? Sorry, kids meant too much to me
/r/Divorce_Men27/10/24 03:28 AM
1

It varies (crazy, right?) from consulate to consulate. That said, you need to demonstrate either a regular income stream of X many thousands per month, OR, demonstrate X many hundreds of thousands in savings. In the latter case I believe it’s around $425k. But you really have to check a consulate site for exact numbers. There are also some age limitations but I’m already around retirement age so that had no impact on me. unlike the US, Mexico is very interested in "migrants" that will not be a f…
/r/Divorce_Men27/10/24 03:17 AM
2

Put together enough assets so when you hit late 50’s/early 60’s you both can retire to Mexico. Then just stuff her.
/r/Divorce_Men26/10/24 06:34 AM
10

Three years post “grey divorce”. Told the ex- a few weeks ago “I cut people out of my life who have no respect for me”. Took most of two years post split for me to analyze my marriage, me, her, etc. neither one of us was perfect, but I was not a liar or cheater like her. Fortunately dodged the entire alimony/child support thing by staying with her after she destroyed “us” with an affair. Stayed for the kids, would do it again. I’m basically more introverted, so my life is pretty peaceful now. Ha…
/r/Divorce_Men26/10/24 06:30 AM
2

You don’t have enough to get Mexican permanent residency, that I know for sure.
/r/Divorce_Men24/10/24 05:12 AM
3

There’s a Reddit sub r/NMMNG as well
/r/Divorce_Men24/10/24 05:10 AM
2

Did you retire before it after the filing? She file? What state? I would think there’s a case to be made that you physically/emotionally could no longer work for health reasons. That it’s impossible for you to make the same income again even if you wanted to work again. And that if she filed after you retired, she was well aware of your future income.
/r/Divorce_Men24/10/24 05:09 AM
6

I doubt my ex-wife would do a thing to help me based on her behavior during times I had health issues. So if she were having health issues now I wouldn’t lift a finger to help her. If yours would help you, you might consider if for the sake of your son. However if she were destructive and insensitive I’d say pass.
/r/Divorce_Men24/10/24 03:14 AM
3

Here you go. https://oceanofpdf.com/genres/nonfiction/pdf-epub-the-manipulated-man-download/
/r/Divorce_Men23/10/24 06:27 PM
1

She no longer needs a husband. She needs a paycheck/cook/mechanic/gardener/babysitter/handyman/ maid/chauffeur/errand boy. You appear absolutely perfect for the job. On top of it all, she has ZERO respect for you or your feelings/concerns. And you honestly think this self-centered, entitled harpy is going to “love you” again?
/r/Divorce_Men23/10/24 08:58 AM
1

If you can afford it, just let it go.
/r/Divorce_Men22/10/24 02:08 AM
6

Let EVERYONE know. Not in a mean way. Don’t let her control the narrative. She needs to experience responsibility for her decision.
/r/Divorce_Men22/10/24 01:59 AM
4

I had a friend in the same situation. His ex- wanted HIS dog. She was a true NPD wench. It was punishment she could file out. He let the dog go. There comes a time where you sacrifice to stop the insanity. My ex- had a small dog. It was more an accessory than a real pet. When we split I gave that dog 6 months before she put it down as it was old, and sometimes went in the house. Though that was literally nothing a few paper towels wouldn’t clean up. I was wrong. She took 8 months to put it down.…
/r/Divorce_Men21/10/24 08:23 PM
6

Have you checked cell phone records? Got ahold of her phone? Is she hiding her phone so you can never see it? The “switch” usually flips with the entrance of another man, or menopause.
/r/Divorce_Men20/10/24 08:38 PM
2

Talk to your lawyer.
/r/Divorce_Men20/10/24 08:30 PM
15

I’m never going to make an excuse for bad behavior by a wife, but I got a related story to share. I had an employee whom I like very much. She was my bookkeeper. Married, had a kid. Husband definitely a menial labor guy but a good man. She needed a hysterectomy before she was thirty. Needed a bunch of time off. I paid her for many weeks, AND I had to do her job as well. She comes back and she’s definitely “different”. I mean like a while different personality. Really all messed up. Having mental…
/r/Divorce_Men20/10/24 05:22 AM
2

When THEY want something, they want it NOW. When you want something… meh.
/r/Divorce_Men20/10/24 01:54 AM
8

Regret the divorce she wanted? No. Regret staying with her as long as I did? Yes. Regret staying with a cheater for the sake of my kids? No. Regret not putting us both into therapy for a year? Yes.
/r/Divorce_Men19/10/24 07:40 AM
3

Your credit score is now so poor it’s meaningless. There is no reason to try to salvage anything, you should just file for bankruptcy. Wipe the slate clean. Yes, you’ll have no credit cards, but that is likely a positive in your life. Just make sure you don’t go negative on your bank account or pass bad checks as then you’ll get debanked and have a truly serious problem. It is possible to negotiate with credit card companies. Feel free to DM me if you like on that aspect.
/r/Divorce_Men18/10/24 08:17 PM
1

I don’t know how legal separation works there, but if possible I’d do the following: 1) try to ensure she is not “wasting assets” 2) make her responsible for all her spending 3) cancel any joint credit cards 4) protect any joint assets
/r/Divorce_Men17/10/24 04:57 AM
3

Like Nike said, “Just do it.”
/r/Divorce_Men16/10/24 06:57 PM
1

She has everything she wants right now. A house, all expenses paid, no “you” in her life, and only one child to deal with (that I assume is 13-16 yrs old). It’s a perfect life. She has her money, and she has your money. Nothing will now fix this beyond divorce.
/r/Divorce_Men16/10/24 06:55 PM
3

You need a VAR and possibly some hidden trail cams around your property. I can see this leading to DV accusations.
/r/Divorce_Men15/10/24 07:04 PM
4

If it were the other way around she would 💯go for all the support she could get. Do not waiver on this.
/r/Divorce_Men15/10/24 06:45 PM
4

Not only that, but even in a HCOL area, a house sale will leave you BOTH with sufficient cash to buy condos. Someone above mentioned dragging things out until kid is 18 yrs and that makes sense. Under that scenario your kid does not “need” to live in a house. You really want your disentangle yourself as much as possible from her and joint assets.
/r/Divorce_Men15/10/24 04:08 PM
2

If this is highly contentious request all communication through an app. No calls, texts, or emails. Only an app. Keeps a great record all in one place.
/r/Divorce_Men14/10/24 06:00 PM
2

Get an online parenting app. Restrict all communication other than medical emergencies to that app. Answer no calls, accept no texts or emails. You also might want a (hidden) body cam for all exchanges.
/r/Divorce_Men13/10/24 05:15 AM
7

The explanation is likely there’s another guy and she doesn’t want to tell you.
/r/Divorce_Men13/10/24 04:10 AM
1

I hope she’s seen pictures of the finished product
/r/Divorce_Men12/10/24 08:18 PM
10

1) report this incident to “authorities” 2) send a copy to your lawyer to submit to the court 3) go for more custody under fear of her mental stability 4) ask your lawyer to force a psych evaluation on her
/r/Divorce_Men12/10/24 08:13 PM
2

This. OM is WHY she moved out.
/r/Divorce_Men12/10/24 07:54 PM
4

11/1? 🤣🤣🤣. Add to the agreement you’ll leave the house after it’s signed off by the court AND you want a $5k relocation payment for your troubles.
/r/Divorce_Men11/10/24 11:31 PM
5

I know my ex- leaned heaving on a divorced friend when she called it quits. Not sure the friend was the instigator.
/r/Divorce_Men11/10/24 11:28 PM
10

What you’re dealing with is a total lack of respect. She considers you a joke with her family. There can be no relationship when there is a lack of respect.
/r/Divorce_Men11/10/24 07:32 AM
3

In the end, in most states, assets end up 50/50. It’s just horse trading for who wants what. CC debt is joint as well.
/r/Divorce_Men09/10/24 09:59 PM
10

Do NOT count on mortgage rates going down. Do NOT tie yourself to property with her where you gain no benefit. Inflation has not gone away. It may never. There may never be 5.5% mortgages. Force a house sale or she gives up in other ways.
/r/Divorce_Men09/10/24 09:54 PM
2

OP needs to see 10 years of tax returns as well
/r/Divorce_Men06/10/24 07:20 PM
13

Don’t define yourself by your partner. And, you can’t make someone else happy.
/r/Divorce_Men06/10/24 07:22 AM
5

Who “enabled” all this cheating? Someone had to be watching the kids. Or were these just opportunistic hook ups? Likely she knows which guy gave her the clap. Any laws in your state concerning passing it on? Do, or will, your kids end up knowing she was the town bicycle? If you’re going to check out, I highly suggest you be strategic about this. Some states are more “divorce friendly” than others. You’ll want your get yourself re-stationed to one of those. Preferably where adulterous affairs wil…
/r/Divorce_Men03/10/24 06:16 PM
1

☝️This. My ex- cheated decades ago. It literally ripped me apart. I fought for my children. I hung in there knowing she was calling the asshole likely every day. She felt so empowered. She said things no many who loves his wife & family should ever hear. Finally, one night after we had gone out and had a decent time, we got home and I told her “You need to stop this shit now.” In response I got a “But I love him sooooo much!”. I lost my shit on her for the first time ever. Verbally unloaded on h…
/r/Divorce_Men03/10/24 01:54 AM
2

You’re in a very emotional time right now. Some of what you read here may make no sense to you but I assure you it’s all very sensible. Your wife is “gone”. At any point she could outright become the “enemy”, especially if her GF’s convince her she is due more. Tying all your wealth to a huge house full of memories is both fiscally and mentally a poor choice. It’s time to move on. Split everything down the middle. You make your financial choices, she makes hers.
/r/Divorce_Men02/10/24 10:41 PM
9

Run. She’s already got an exit plan.
/r/Divorce_Men02/10/24 06:40 PM
21

I hope you’re in a state with “permanent alimony” and you get every nickel out of her that you can.
/r/Divorce_Men01/10/24 09:42 PM
14

1) NO alcohol 2) YES gym 3) you “had” a plan, now it’s time to think up a new one. Short, medium, long term goals. 4) we are headed into a downturn. It may be hard to find work. Sign up with temp help agencies.
/r/Divorce_Men30/09/24 02:02 AM
5

My ex- told me she was telling everyone our divorce was a mutual decision. A total lie. She was good at lying. I stopped caring. How do you care for someone you know is outright assassinating you behind your back.
/r/Divorce_Men27/09/24 04:38 PM
1

Well, if you had it in you, you could try to “save” dad. He’d need to see a lot of YouTube videos about NPD and have her behavior compared to them. Then if he can find his backbone, he could divorce mom. That could really explode reality.
/r/Divorce_Men26/09/24 09:36 PM
1

You cannot fix that. And if she has her hooks into her daughter it would take serious counseling for quite some time for the daughter to even accept what her mother is, let alone understand she is mimicking her mother’s behavior.
/r/Divorce_Men26/09/24 09:02 PM
3

The MIL sounds like someone who truly has Narcissistic Personality Disorder. Go watch some YouTube videos. You’re describing my mother.
/r/Divorce_Men26/09/24 08:52 PM
1

Went on a few dates. One shows up and the date literally goes pear shaped. As in she was literally pear shaped. I was nice, we chatted, I bought us a cheap pizza. She was obviously not very bright. Asked her how online dating was going for her, and she tells me not very good. Says she can’t understand why as she thinks she’s pretty cute. (In what fucking universe?!)
/r/Divorce_Men25/09/24 04:09 PM
2

THE most important thing if you do get vaccines are to S P A C E them out. Do not let the Peds push a standard schedule. A young child is not as resilient as as an adult. You might want to contact the Children’s Health Defense for more guidance.
/r/Divorce_Men23/09/24 06:01 AM
-5

I wholly disagree on the vaccine thing. I’m in my 60’s. I got a handful as a kid and survived all these years. Now they want to jab kids like 72 times before they become an adult, sometimes with multiple doses when they’re still very small. It is totally unnecessary. The Amish do not vax their children. Incidence of autism in that population is nil, while it continues to climb amongst the rest of the U.S. population. There is tremendous financial incentive for pediatric docs to give vaccines. Th…
/r/Divorce_Men23/09/24 05:57 AM
5

They’re your children too. Don’t give up on them. As to bring over dinner and them disappearing, that is every reason to actually cook dinner with them helping. You need some bonding time, not electronic babysitters. You are the parent. Finally, I don’t know where you live, but there are always alternative housing arrangements you can look into. If you live near the water, it may be cheaper to rent a boat slip and buy a boat for a live-aboard. You can also look into mobile home parks. What’s mos…
/r/Divorce_Men23/09/24 05:46 AM
6

I’m about 3 years past our physical separation. I rarely think of mine anymore. When I do, I mostly get mad at myself for devoting my life to a lying, cheating ingrate. I spent most of two years in self-analysis dissecting our marriage, her, me, etc. When I finally understood it all, my head really cleared up.
/r/Divorce_Men23/09/24 05:36 AM
3

Mine ended in my early 60’s after a total of 35 years together. All the changes to routine is quite a hit upside the head. And as an introvert, I’ve never really needed a lot of people. When the wife is gone, the one constant was gone. Didn’t help that she tells lies about it all, but whatever. You know how to do all the faulting stuff, now you need to learn how to clear your head. Despite her issues, the routine is gone. The adjustment will take time. It’s important to have people to talk to, o…
/r/Divorce_Men23/09/24 05:33 AM
1

Got friends? Buy all their meals, let them pay you in cash. Same for groceries etc.
/r/Divorce_Men17/09/24 03:57 PM
10

I know a couple, long married, grown kids in their 30’s no less. Per my ex-wife “she never loved him”. Is genuinely nasty to him. Puts him down in front of others. They almost split a few years ago but he hung in there. He should have left. She’ll never care about him. You dodged a bullet brother. You could have been with her until a time where maybe you had a health issue, and she’d just look at you the way a kid looks at a bug. Or worse, she could have had a health issue, and you’d be playing …
/r/Divorce_Men17/09/24 03:51 PM
3

If their family model was shitty, you can bet they’re going to repeat it.
/r/Divorce_Men15/09/24 04:27 PM
5

This. There is no reality, always just fantasy.
/r/Divorce_Men15/09/24 04:25 PM
2

You gotta do what works for you.
/r/Divorce_Men15/09/24 09:23 AM
2

Hah! I had a date that went pear shaped from the first moment. As in she showed up and was literally pear shaped. I was still polite and bought us Dominos for dinner and we are on a bench in front. I asked her how dating was going for her. She told me not so well, and she thought she was pretty cute ‼️ All I could think of was “in what universe?”
/r/Divorce_Men15/09/24 04:48 AM
1

Do NOT pay her off early!!! Inflation is eating away at her purchasing power. We’ve been thru Wave One of inflation, there WILL be a second, and likely a third. The money you don’t pay her could earn you 8%, while the money you pay her by year three will likely have lost 10% in purchasing power or more.
/r/Divorce_Men15/09/24 04:37 AM
1

After a 32 yr marriage & 35 years together, my now ex- wanted a divorce 3+ years ago. I’ve done a little bit of dating, found one woman I liked, but she opted out when I told her sex was mandatory. (And she NEEDED to get married to permanently escape CAN). I’m pretty much an introvert, so I need little overt people stimulus. A few minutes a day can be enough. I expect I’ll be alone to the end, and that’s okay. I have a great dog for now, though his days are numbered. I’ll likely get another one …
/r/Divorce_Men15/09/24 04:29 AM
3

At $500/hr, that’s roughly 1400 hours of work, or 2/3 of a regular work year. Can’t even remotely be honest
/r/Divorce_Men14/09/24 04:13 PM
5

“We have a signed and agreed to divorce agreement. You are purposefully turning down my assistance with OUR child to your own personal detriment. This is a choice you are solely making. I cannot be responsible for your choices. If you would allow me to be the involved parent I seek to be, perhaps your life would be less stressful.” Via text
/r/Divorce_Men13/09/24 08:34 PM
1

As others said, this takes time. Outside of that, you need some goals. Something you work towards. Short, medium and long term. When you have those you can implement a plan of action to achieve them.
/r/Divorce_Men12/09/24 11:17 PM
1

I dropped you a DM about this. Be sure to read it.
/r/Divorce_Men12/09/24 02:31 AM
2

Inflation is not going away. Do NOT lump sum pay her.
/r/Divorce_Men11/09/24 06:40 PM
2

I stayed with a cheater to avoid that issue. I feel for you. I’ve never told my kids about it, but there are times I’m very tempted, as I know she lies about me regularly .
/r/Divorce_Men11/09/24 02:02 AM
4

It is FAR better to cut people out of your life who have no respect for you than to allow them to remain. I cut my ex- wife out. We spoke the other day about our kids (though the call was about a joint expense) and she tried to play coy about “Have you talked to the kids recently?” I told her I talk to one every week. She knows I’m not talking to the other and was “sad” about it. I told her “well XX has the same problem you do, no respect for me so I cut people out of my life who have no respect…
/r/Divorce_Men10/09/24 04:55 PM
15

What kind of “friends” don’t tell you?
/r/Divorce_Men10/09/24 02:41 AM
16

A man will sacrifice his happiness for his family. A woman will sacrifice her family for her happiness. This is all you really need to know. She’s addicted to attention and thrill. Stability & relationship mean nothing. Whatever she was, she is now a broken person. YOU cannot fix broken people. Get a lawyer and get things underway before you start earning anything. It’s to your advantage to do so. She will not change. And if you keep her around she may one day pass something on to you that you c…
/r/Divorce_Men08/09/24 09:47 PM
1

Her retirement account & mine were roughly equal. No distribution from either. Process by us took 6 months by statute
/r/Divorce_Men07/09/24 09:11 PM
1

Why “this” church? Can you not worship God elsewhere? MUST you adhere to a bunch of people (especially feminists) whose wishes are not in your best interest? I suggest you look up “Stockholm Syndrome”. Despite your understanding of what you’re dealing with you still want to identify with a process that is clearly not in your best interest. I want you to think about this next bit deeply: you get only one life, do you truly believe you should outsource your agency to a bunch of people who clearly …
/r/Divorce_Men07/09/24 07:25 PM
3

I’m not going to make light of your religious beliefs, but I really have to ask if a bunch of people with a “rules” book 📕 is how you want to run your life? There are lots of churches/religions that are not so strict. I believe it is good to have faith, it keeps one grounded. However the church will not be there to bail you out if it goes sideways. It all falls upon your shoulders. Doesn’t seem like a very fair way to be accepted by others …
/r/Divorce_Men07/09/24 04:34 PM
3

Then do not marry.
/r/Divorce_Men07/09/24 04:30 PM
1

No need to talk to her unless it’s about fair & equal distribution. I did all the work dividing and selling assets. We used my attorney once she found out all she could get was 50/50. There was some conversation, a few meetings between us, and some final tangible asset distribution the day before we completed signatures. It was all cordial. He not responding to court papers is a huge positive for you. If you get luck she never shows up, and the court gives you what you want.
/r/Divorce_Men07/09/24 04:29 PM
6

Just remember these things: 1) this is a game of Russian Roulette with 3 of 6 chambers loaded, 2) women are often perpetual children in need of attention, and will take it from anywhere (or anyone) who offers it, 3) if any of her friends divorce, your odds go up significantly, 4) like football, you’re only as good as the last pass you caught (there is zero loyalty for prior good deeds — no reserve of goodwill like with guys), 5) girls night out or trips are open doors to potential cheating, 6) l…
/r/Divorce_Men07/09/24 04:24 PM
2

One more thing. You can “complicate” property or a business. If you make, say, your father a 5% owner of something. That can stymie any attempt to force sell that asset. At the time you do it you get a notarized release from him you keep in a safe deposit box.
/r/Divorce_Men07/09/24 04:16 PM
3

When my ex- wanted a divorce, we were both in a 50/50 state, both retired. I pointedly told her not to let her GF’s pump her head full of 💩as if she tried to make things difficult, I’d make sure she got much less than 50/50. She mostly played nice. She got about 52/48 as a result
/r/Divorce_Men06/09/24 07:07 PM
1

I’m currently camping in a Taxa Cricket (see YouTube). They fit inside a standard garage. It’s not big, but throw an extra pad in there and it’s comfy. I DO have a house, and of good size, but I could honestly live in this thing for a long time if I had to, top up or down. And I have a big dog in it too. For a shower, I pay at campgrounds every few days but mostly camp cheap or free. With a health club membership you’d have consistent showers. If you can get a small camper that you can fit in a …
/r/Divorce_Men06/09/24 06:44 PM
8

They just make bad decisions. My ex- left with millions. We never really fought over anything. I was a good provider, she a bad wife (liar, cheater). She finally called it due to lack of emotional engagement by me. Yeah, no shit. You’re a liar, a cheater, self absorbed, unaccountable, and literally anything I tell you I may as well just put up on a billboard. But I’m not emotionally available. Well DUH! You’re not emotionally trustworthy. I swear, I wish someone had told me marriage meant being …
/r/Divorce_Men05/09/24 03:42 AM
3

I met a woman not long ago where she needed to get married & I thought we had a good match. Prenups would be put in place but I still was taking on risk to marry her. I told her there would be sex involved. That became a deal breaker for her. Now image this. We are now both in our 60’s. She’s 2.5 years older. She “needs” to get married. She’s in much better physical shape, and I’m in much much better fiscal shape. She can literally walk into a nice house in a nice community and have no responsib…
/r/Divorce_Men05/09/24 03:35 AM
27

Women will believe almost anything from anyone except the man they married.
/r/Divorce_Men05/09/24 03:27 AM
4

My ex- and I had to speak by phone the other day. I told her I don’t speak to her or one of our kids (all grown) because I cut people out of my life who don’t respect me. She starts telling me it’s not true, and she does respect me. To prove it she wants me to be the first one to know she’s moving a boyfriend into her house. Said I deserved to know before it was rumor in our community. Funny thing is I could care less what she does with whom. The respect I really wanted would have come by not ch…
/r/Divorce_Men04/09/24 09:51 PM
2

Worth every penny to save the lives of your kids.
/r/Divorce_Men04/09/24 09:44 PM
1

I went on a journey of self-discovery after my “grey divorce”. I literally immersed myself in learning about me & my actions, her and hers, our parent models, etc etc. most of two years. I wanted answers. One day someone passed an article on to me here on Reddit that was the capstone to my journey. It wrapped up everything for me. I’ve been at peace since. It’s time to get to know yourself. You defined yourself by your family & children, but there’s a whole lot more to learn. What’s happened is …
/r/Divorce_Men01/09/24 03:57 PM
2

Set up a “trail camera” (about $75 all in on AMZN) in your space in case she gets in to do something untoward. Send her a text AND an email alerting her that at all times with all interactions with her going forward you may be recording her and this constitutes “prior notice”. At the same time move all personal valuables, kids birth certificates, family heirlooms, tools, weapons, etc to safe storage.
/r/Divorce_Men30/08/24 07:32 PM
1

This video is perfect form. If you’re fat it’s impossible to be this perfect, but this is the goal. https://youtu.be/ura2mFCdvVs?si=bbayJutpDWYZpmwJ
/r/Divorce_Men28/08/24 11:02 PM
1

You sound like you can afford a Concept 2 Rower (get a Model D with PM4 or PM5 meter). They can be found on CL but you obviously can afford a new one. Improve your diet only marginally and row that sucker :30 minutes a day (you have to work up) and you won’t need the gym. There is NO single piece of exercise equipment that will do more for you in less time with more muscles than a rower. Period. Make sure you watch a few videos on proper form and try to have a mirror to check yourself. Get onlin…
/r/Divorce_Men28/08/24 10:51 PM
3

She should be paying for counseling as well. I hope your, um, her legal bills were 6 figures.
/r/Divorce_Men28/08/24 08:49 PM
5

I can only hope the penalties were significant.
/r/Divorce_Men28/08/24 08:48 PM
2

Of course she said hurtful things. You no longer matter. You’re a hinderance to her new “perfect life” with “new man”. Accountability is krytonite to women.
/r/Divorce_Men28/08/24 08:46 PM
1

Tell her you want the child to stay with you during his trip. A deal is a deal.
/r/Divorce_Men28/08/24 07:24 PM
8

“I got lost. I couldn’t see the signs. Any signs. Not yours, not societal norms, not friends — none of them. I was so consumed with grief, so lost in myself, I almost lost literally everything. In the end, I still lost the most important part of my life. I lost the person who made it all happen. I lost the mother of my children, my rock and my soulmate. There will never be any words that can make up for what I did and what happened. I know that. I know the pain I put you through, the fear. I kno…
/r/Divorce_Men28/08/24 03:39 PM
1

Take your half of the duplex and turn it into a rental. Nothing good can come if this. My ex- lives a mile away and I know she spreads lies in our community. You’ll forever be a target for anything that annoys her, even if you have nothing to do with it.
/r/Divorce_Men27/08/24 10:52 PM
15

Plan A is not what she expected. The limerence is wearing off. So she’s trying to get Plan B back.
/r/Divorce_Men26/08/24 09:37 PM
21

She always thought you were Plan B. New guy likely not all she thought he would be. Fantasy in her head said she could just go back to you, she’d a few tears, be back in a comfortable place, and then find another new man someday. You moved on. Plan B is shattered. She’s stuck. TFB
/r/Divorce_Men21/08/24 08:09 PM
2

The answer is start wearing a dog tag with names and numbers. You can put a few people on there.now instead of one you can have four. My ex- is not on mine. First is a good friend (die to age and maturity) and then the kids.
/r/Divorce_Men20/08/24 10:43 PM
4

I don’t hate my ex-. I just don’t respect her the same way she didn’t respect me or our marriage. So I don’t talk to her.
/r/Divorce_Men19/08/24 11:00 AM
5

I wasn’t so eloquent a few years back when my wife wanted the divorce. I simply told her “Women like you take good men like me, change us, then you’re not happy with the results.”
/r/Divorce_Men16/08/24 09:53 PM
1

There is one other thing you can do and it’s “revenue deferral”. Slow down your billing, slows down your receipts, cuts your “income” for the current year.
/r/Divorce_Men16/08/24 09:46 PM
2

Use a friends place as your “residence” and get your mail delivered there. Arrange for the kids to spent little time there and lots of times with you out being the “fun dad”.
/r/Divorce_Men14/08/24 11:41 PM
9

Here’s a simple (maybe) answer. Depends on your business. If it all depends on you, give her 💯% of it in settlement. Then quit and start a competing business.
/r/Divorce_Men14/08/24 06:00 PM
6

When my ex- cheated decades ago, the ring came off and never went back on. She rejected you. The ring is a symbol of bonding. There is no bond. Go sell it.
/r/Divorce_Men14/08/24 03:31 PM
20

Wait. She could literally game all night long, but not clean a house or do chores? And you feel bad that you’re leaving her after she was cheating on you? Sir, have you seen an orthopod to help you find your spine?
/r/Divorce_Men14/08/24 06:03 AM
15

I’m going to share a “secret” that works in parts of the country. Both the USFS and the BLM have FREE dispersed camping sites on many of their lands. Typically there’s a 14 day stay limit but some are pretty lax. With a van, you could literally park for free in some pretty scenic areas and get a cheap gym membership for showers & exercise. Yeah I know it’s not an actual home, but if you need to rebuild savings, this could be your ticket.
/r/Divorce_Men14/08/24 05:57 AM
29

Do not be Captain SavAHoe. Do not let her draw you back in.
/r/Divorce_Men12/08/24 05:53 PM
2

Recently found out my ex- had told people I “walked out on her”. Total fabrication. She called it quits. I just don’t think think true and women go well together.
/r/Divorce_Men12/08/24 02:50 AM
2

She decided to bat for the other team. Not your doing.
/r/Divorce_Men11/08/24 11:21 PM
8

When you file make note that she has removed personal possessions & abandoned the marital residence
/r/Divorce_Men11/08/24 09:10 PM
0

In the world of divorce, it’s takes only one to check out.
/r/Divorce_Men11/08/24 07:52 AM
2

There’s a tequila tasting place in Mismaloya that’s fun. I prefer to stay by the marina as it’s much quieter in that area. Bucerias is nice and most places are a short walk to the beach. The “Romantic Zone” is the big attraction area in PV. Lots of good places to eat, some on the beach. Plenty of shops to wander. You might find your best deal on redweek.com but there are other places. VRBO etc. My suggestion is if you’ve never done anything there do the boat trip out to the island to go snorkeli…
/r/Divorce_Men11/08/24 02:15 AM
7

Life is not social media, sir. Everything you imagine that’s working perfectly out there is just a fantasy.
/r/Divorce_Men10/08/24 10:17 AM
3

You should have a VAR running, in your pocket, 24/7. You should be uploading every day to cloud storage. She’s trying to purposefully make you miserable and potentially blow. If anything, start killing her with kindness. “Good morning wife!”. Or similar. All with a smile.
/r/Divorce_Men07/08/24 06:51 PM
5

School lunches are basically shit quality food. Tell her you don’t want to pay for food that’s bad for your kids health.
/r/Divorce_Men04/08/24 11:17 PM
1

There are all kinds of “drunks”. A friend was married to one who snuck alcohol, then openly drank it and was the classic “wine mom” but was generally happy while drunk even if falling down stupid. She finally cleaned up after years of attempts. Then she wanted a divorce. Another was common law married to a “happy lush” and after years of trying to get her to clean up, she finally did. Became an AA evangelist. Was going to meetings like 6 days a week. Also took up smoking in her 50’s to replace t…
/r/Divorce_Men04/08/24 07:00 PM
1

Time to check out.
/r/Divorce_Men03/08/24 08:51 PM
21

19 years. That’s like a prison sentence. In a country that eliminated slavery & indentured servitude, divorced men are still slaves.
/r/Divorce_Men02/08/24 03:45 AM
2

You could go to the ER with back pain & request the lawyer ask for a continuance.
/r/Divorce_Men02/08/24 12:19 AM
2

Expect this to go hard. But if she says “Well Janet.. blah blah blah” just look at here and say “Yeah, she’s a miserable person but if that’s what you aspire to I can’t stop you. Just remember, every dollar you waste on what Janet tells you, or a lawyer promised you, costs them nothing but costs you half a buck.”
/r/Divorce_Men01/08/24 11:54 PM
8

The worst thing you’ll encounter is her friends telling her she deserves it all and “you go girl”. Do a spreadsheet of all assets. Do an estimated division. If she gets a bit more after arguing about it it’s really a win for you, not her, provided you can settle between you. Be sure to tell her that every dollar spent on an attorney is one-half a dollar she won’t get in the end.
/r/Divorce_Men01/08/24 08:39 PM
4

My MIL was dumb as a brick. But back then no one told us to watch these things.
/r/Divorce_Men01/08/24 07:39 PM
2

Drop a line to the other guy post divorce. “If she’ll cheat on me, she’ll cheat on you soon enough as well.”
/r/Divorce_Men31/07/24 01:53 AM
1

West Texas is pretty dry too.
/r/Divorce_Men05/06/24 12:13 AM
1

Not too far from places in CA. Lots of wide open space.
/r/Divorce_Men04/06/24 09:20 PM
7

Don’t look at Glover as “the answer”, look at what he promotes as one road of possibility for you. There is never one right answer, only shades of gray in multiple possibilities.
/r/Divorce_Men04/06/24 05:46 AM
1

Try to get stationed around Ajo, AZ
/r/Divorce_Men04/06/24 05:43 AM
1

I’m guessing you allowed such behavior during your marriage. Well, might as well stop it now. Youre response was correct.
/r/Divorce_Men03/06/24 02:00 AM
4

Good. Do it. You’re not her protector sir. She’s your adversary. Give her that taste of real life. She’s in fantasy land, and you’re an enabler. Stop being the enabler. Whatever she was she was, what she is now she is, and what she will be she will be. You control NONE of this. As to your friends, go see them in person, one on one, and say to their faces “I’m sorry for being such an ass. I’m sorry for damaging our friendship. I’m sorry for being so emotionally wrapped up and mentally confused wi…
/r/Divorce_Men02/06/24 05:57 PM
11

Then CRUSH her. She’s not your friend, she’s your enemy. She’s not working WITH you, she’s working against you. Find your backbone.
/r/Divorce_Men02/06/24 05:50 PM
6

Brother, you did what most of us here did in the past, simped to your wife’s desires and maintained zero real control in the relationship. She got her way all the time, and when you wanted something your way it fell on deaf ears because of that pattern. Eventually you lost your 💩on her and became the bad guy. Now you think bending over backwards will somehow bring her back, while she continues to walk all over you as you had and still have NO BOUNDARIES. There are many women who bring the entitl…
/r/Divorce_Men02/06/24 05:47 PM
6

My kids were older when I got divorced, but I sold a house some 18 years ago that alone had I let it to sell now would be worth 80%+ of what we eventually split. I sold it because I couldn’t trust her again after an affair. I stayed to protect my kids. And you know what? It was just a house. One of at least 8 I have owned, and 4 my kids have lived in. I remember all those houses. Some I killed myself working in them but she could have cared less. What matters is you kids, and YOU being a strong …
/r/Divorce_Men02/06/24 07:23 AM
1

The opposite of love is not hate, it’s indifference.
/r/Divorce_Men01/06/24 11:25 PM
2

Sent you a DM
/r/Divorce_Men01/06/24 07:29 AM
6

ABSOLUTELY talk to your boss. Tell him exactly what’s happening. Ask for his forgiveness in any lapses in performance, and tell him to tell you if he’s unsatisfied at any time. Let him know you’re working thru it but it’s still pretty raw. And if you need a day off, ask him which day was best. Spell out what you productivity plan to do with that time. Not that it’s his business, but it will help assure him you’re serious about dealing with things as quickly as possible.
/r/Divorce_Men31/05/24 04:01 AM
4

I’d be willing to commit to 1-2 “shifts” a week. Perhaps you could find several of us to do so. Then there would be more coverage overall when others can’t.
/r/Divorce_Men31/05/24 03:56 AM
2

I had a friend who married a female psychologist later in life. I ended up in his town on short notice and asked to spend the night, as I had often in the past. Now she was living with him in HIS home. Talk about an icy reception! I got there at 10:15pm and though she was up, she refused to meet me. The next morning I got a cold “hello”…that was it. He and I went out to breakfast. I told him point blank, as a friend of ~25 years at the time, that he needed to get divorced ASAP. That she had seri…
/r/Divorce_Men30/05/24 09:08 PM
1

My father was a saint for putting up with my mother. She was a highly manipulative person who took pride in “playing politics” (her words) and “wrapping people around her finger” (also her words). I have a good friend who’s (ex-) wife I had never met. We were just a couple of guys who’d go to lunch periodically. One day he opened up to me about his wife. My response was “I’d ordinarily tell you to get to counseling with her” (they had been in the past), but in your case you’re describing my moth…
/r/Divorce_Men30/05/24 08:56 PM
3

I’ve always been a “deep dive” kind of person when something truly interests me. I spent many hours reading (YouTube wasn’t as big s thing) looking for how my friends wife went not only total light switch on me in a conversation, but completely twisted everything said, lied, lost her complete composure, and acted out highly vindictive. I truly said nothing that warranted that behavior at all. She even started to bring my kids into the situation, which made zero sense whatsoever. In the end I rea…
/r/Divorce_Men30/05/24 08:18 PM
3

As a result of my interactions with another person, I spent a lot of time reading to find the answers. Figured out the person I had dealt with was NPD, and recognized my own mother’s behavior as well. Later when she was in a rehab, I was asked by the staff psychologist to describe her. I said “all you need to know is NPD”. When I saw the psych a week later I asked her if I was correct. She replied absolutely.
/r/Divorce_Men29/05/24 04:58 AM
2

I had a mother who was full blown NPD and did not realize it until my early 50’s. Once I figured it out, it became far easier to pick out other NPD’s by their actions. Literally EVERYONE has some narcissistic traits. Technically there’s not an official definition for a narcissistic in the medical world, but there definitely is one for NPD.
/r/Divorce_Men29/05/24 01:46 AM
1

Plenty of border action in AZ ☹️. I’d go ahead and apply. The cushy CPB slots are in the airports. Much safer and climate controlled compared to the border. Bet there’s opportunities as a LEO almost anywhere is southern AZ.
/r/Divorce_Men29/05/24 01:43 AM
4

It’s far easier for women to revise history than acknowledge there’s anything wrong with them. Narcissist is the popular term nowadays.
/r/Divorce_Men29/05/24 01:32 AM
2

It’s like football — you’re only as good as the last pass you caught.
/r/Divorce_Men27/05/24 06:25 PM
1

She had written you off before you served her. All those events? She likely envisioned herself “shopping” for a new man, a multimillionaire with that beachfront lot. As to legal costs, those will come from marital joint assets. It’s meant but if I were you I’d politely try to trigger a public meltdown that’s conveniently captured on camera. Then push for psych evaluation
/r/Divorce_Men27/05/24 06:23 PM
5

She’s bitter BECAUSE you left her. She did not have control. Expect her to do literally anything and everything to poison your kids against you. The narcissist has a very fragile ego. If she’s full blown NPD it only gets worse. Likely she’ll not only hold a grudge forever, but she will literally to anything to backstab or destroy you.
/r/Divorce_Men27/05/24 07:36 AM
1

If heat & humidity work for you, TX is good. If like me, hot & humid destroys you, AZ is your place. Humidity is typically quite low in AZ. Most people don’t know that AZ has various elevations so you can live in a climate zone you prefer. Your best job opportunities will be in the Phoenix valley. You didn’t mention the kind of work you do.
/r/Divorce_Men27/05/24 07:21 AM
5

Take the money she would cost you, and invest it moving as close as possible to your kids so they can drop in anytime they want. As she implodes, they’ll come to you more. That’s all that matters, the kids.
/r/Divorce_Men27/05/24 05:18 AM
3

Didn’t work so well for Phil Collin’s…
/r/Divorce_Men27/05/24 05:10 AM
1

You’ll be the bad guy for leaving her things to do
/r/Divorce_Men25/05/24 11:05 PM
1

Make sure you have medical say, as well as 50/50 with direction at school
/r/Divorce_Men25/05/24 11:03 PM
2

Wait for the calls for you to come fix what’s broken in her home…
/r/Divorce_Men25/05/24 11:02 PM
3

Kids know?
/r/Divorce_Men25/05/24 03:35 AM
1

This.
/r/Divorce_Men23/05/24 07:09 PM
2

VAR (voice activated recorder). Get one. Keep it on 24/7. Upload everything, every day, to the cloud. Let her know you have it.
/r/Divorce_Men21/05/24 05:43 PM
2

My ex- and I got divorced with one lawyer representing me but only for the boilerplate. Well past kids. Not in an “unfriendly” state like CA. It worked but only because I was in charge and told her up front if she f’d with me she’d get far less, not more. You have all the cards stacked against you. You need your own attorney pronto
/r/Divorce_Men21/05/24 03:10 PM
15

Women can easily rewrite history in their head. By now you know she is actually toxic. Don’t communicate with her. She’s got your number and knows she can work you.
/r/Divorce_Men18/05/24 01:00 PM
2

Your #1 job is to get to the best settlement possible as soon as possible. If you want to make waves after that’s up to you. What you do NOT want to do is anything that will cause her to cost you time, money or kids.
/r/Divorce_Men13/05/24 06:21 PM
0

Have you considered adoption? Or surrogate children?
/r/Divorce_Men08/05/24 05:16 PM
3

There’s two things happening here: 1) she doesn’t respect you so she doesn’t communicate with you and 2) she is “setting the stage” for the divorce so you’ll be the bad guy who can’t communicate, she the abused wife who had to put up with you. Get the lawyer & beat her to the punch. Get important papers, family stuff out of the house if she accuses you of DV when served, get all the finances in order, etc.
/r/Divorce_Men05/05/24 01:28 AM
1

I’ve got an older son where we no longer speak. Part of it is this woke bullshit in the world, but I’d bet my ex- continually tries to plant seeds. I don’t know if we will ever talk again, and I’m okay with it. Like his mother, he doesn’t understand respect. I’ll no longer accept being disrespected by those I did so much for in my life. You can’t change people. They have to come to their own conclusions. I’m sorry this is happening to you but my best advice is don’t chase. Either he comes back o…
/r/Divorce_Men21/04/24 03:58 AM
2

There are cash gigs out there. Cleaning boats, detailing cars, washing windows. Learn from YouTube. “Advertise” on Nextdoor but NOT in your community. Fake a new address a bit away.
/r/Divorce_Men20/04/24 08:26 PM
3

I spend two years in “self-analysis”. It’s important for me to know the “why”. Reddit, YouTube, blogs, etc. Then someone put a link to a commentary up on Reddit that was a perfect description of my dysfunctional marriage. I found peace with that. It wasn’t the whole answer but enough to complete the puzzle. Now I never even think of her.
/r/Divorce_Men18/04/24 01:59 AM
2

The REAL joke on her is I’m fairly certain a gf of hers hooked her up with an “advisor” who sells annuities. I’d bet at least 33-50% of her money is at ~4% and losing to inflation. Meanwhile I’m making 10%+😆
/r/Divorce_Men12/04/24 05:03 AM
9

My wife had an affair in 1999. In the fog of it all she told me “I don’t love you. I don’t think I ever loved you. Well maybe a very long time ago.” I fought for the marriage to not see my kids destroyed by her future stupid, attention seeking behavior. We ended up divorced in 2021 by her choice. At that time I told her “Well you finally got what you wanted 21 years later.” Her response was “That’s not fair.” Weird things happened near the end that I did not put two & two together on. She switch…
/r/Divorce_Men12/04/24 01:33 AM
8

Bro’, she has already thrown you away some time ago. If the terms are acceptable AND a lawyer has reviewed it, get it over ASAP.
/r/Divorce_Men12/04/24 01:19 AM
1

Start pulling away just as she has been pulling away. Being “friends” is you being her fall-back guy. Even in the most optimistic of circumstances where there truly is no one else (and you should check the cell phone bill for lots of new activity), having a bunch of single gf’s pumping her head full of “the good life” is just plainly a toxic situation. Right now SHE feels no loss. If you tell her you’re doing fine, she’ll feel completely justified in whatever it is she is doing. Learn to go “gre…
/r/Divorce_Men12/04/24 01:16 AM
1

Mine thought we could be friends too. Nope.
/r/Divorce_Men04/04/24 02:07 PM
2

Look up co-dependence
/r/Divorce_Men04/04/24 11:48 AM
3

That is absolutely ridiculous! My kids are well grown now but when younger we went thru one broken arm, one appendicitis, and probably 1-2 visits to the pediatrician per kid every year for whenever shots were due. No ER visits, no running off ‘cause they had a cold.
/r/Divorce_Men04/04/24 12:35 AM
8

Three years + since I’ve gotten laid. Almost 3 years since we split. I miss having a woman around but I’m not going to get damaged goods again
/r/Divorce_Men01/04/24 09:27 PM
6

She’s got the “butterflies”. Technically “limerance”. Incapable of any rational thought and engrossed in the fantasy he’s her new perfect man.
/r/Divorce_Men31/03/24 02:59 AM
22

Trust is gone. So is respect. If you acquiesce to her “change if heart” not only will she never find respect for you again, but she’ll always have one foot out the door.
/r/Divorce_Men30/03/24 07:21 AM
2

Still good afterwards. Inflation is gonna f-me harder over time than she ever did
/r/Divorce_Men27/03/24 04:55 AM
6

Multiple 7 figures
/r/Divorce_Men24/03/24 10:36 PM
3

My ex- kept my last name. This would be her fourth, but only one of the others had to do with an ex-husband. The others were a father & step father. Dysfunctional family from the get go. Wish I’d have known then what I know now.
/r/Divorce_Men22/03/24 08:09 PM
8

I had a stance with my kids for college. I was only willing to pay for degrees that led to real jobs like software, accounting etc. Want to be an English major and f-off for four years? That’s on your own dime.
/r/Divorce_Men21/03/24 06:09 AM
1

That I can’t tell you as I don’t know. You’ll have to do your research.
/r/Divorce_Men21/03/24 12:46 AM
1

Spend as little time home as possible. Replace it with time lifting iron at a gym. Start building a new friend network as you’ll lose common friend at the divorce. Don’t cater to her wants and desires, simply become a better man. Then leave.
/r/Divorce_Men20/03/24 05:33 AM
3

Were you married to my ex-wife? She never had any interest in what I did. Towards the end of our marriage I finally had one true hobby/passion. Involved her exactly one time, and was told “it’s boring”. Was told I talked about it too much (I truly did not), but I was expected to listen to every story, clap like a seal for every project she did, etc.
/r/Divorce_Men20/03/24 05:29 AM
3

Your BEST action is, if possible, get transferred to a divorce friendly state for men. Buy a “cheaper” home “in case we don’t like it here”. That will keep your maintenance costs in terms of taxes and repairs down for spousal maintenance calculations. Then file on her. I got divorced much older, kids grown & gone. Neither of us working. However we were living in a strict 50/50 state. If we had been divorced in our prior state I hesitate to think what might have transpired.
/r/Divorce_Men20/03/24 05:20 AM
6

Ignore them but if by some chance they do get ahold of you, simply state “It’s my belief my wife is dealing with serious psychological issues. I can’t speak for the court but based upon the ruling granting me majority child custody and calling out her blatant lies, I can only guess they felt the same way.” Be sure to only use vague words like “feel” or “guess”. You’re allowed to have feelings and opinions. Tell them you’re recording the call for your personal safety. I bet they drop her in no ti…
/r/Divorce_Men20/03/24 05:02 AM
3

I’ll cook steak, burgers etc but lately I’ve been eating… street tacos. Ultra simple to make. Packaged taco seasoning, pan fry a pound of burger, corn tortillas heated up in olive oil, shredded cabbage & tomato. Seriously takes no time to make, easily 3 meals.
/r/Divorce_Men20/03/24 04:57 AM
2

The worst group of people for an unhappy (ex-) wife are the friends who cheer her on telling her she got screwed. My ex- told me two of her gf’s who got divorced “got screwed”. I pointed out to her they both went into the court system and that’s what the end result was so how was it they got screwed? Did the judges not like them? She had no response. Don’t feel bad for her. This could likely be the very best thing that ever happens to her. Struggle is good. Embracing reality is good. A financial…
/r/Divorce_Men18/03/24 11:50 PM
5

Part of why I no longer talk to mine & she’s a mile away. I didn’t even let her try to open that door. Did two things during the divorce, and completely cut it off afterwards
/r/Divorce_Men18/03/24 06:21 AM
5

You ALWAYS pay for them, one way or another.
/r/Divorce_Men17/03/24 07:58 PM
5

Had a friend who’s wife divorced him. Every piece of furniture in the house looked like something out of House Beautiful back in the 90’s/00’s. Neither of them kept the house. All that expensive, carefully chosen, literally in new condition furniture sold for… ~ .10-.20 cents on the dollar over many months if selling it. Now your stuff is more trendy, but I furnished a house (actually two) off CL for likely .20 cents on the dollar and it looks fantastic. None of my stuff is beat up, all mostly h…
/r/Divorce_Men17/03/24 03:40 AM
3

Many of this guys shorter videos were excellent : https://youtu.be/2vkANxYM2mA?si=p3p1Dcs5sPELQ4qi https://youtu.be/0hbTKoNOv1s?si=g5HxIJ6a6IXXSNyc Lots of great stuff on this channel: https://youtu.be/IXxCfswdH68?si=nNDzM6sqwuJaDuCe https://youtu.be/ReYYEs-tHx4?si=WLoaa0GvfaaQXU-M Tremendous personal growth stuff here: https://youtu.be/j3nXYVlPrcY?si=itvrxFkQYIvVGsN_
/r/Divorce_Men17/03/24 02:08 AM
6

“Believe all women”. 😡
/r/MensRights16/03/24 10:16 PM
15

NO woman is worth ending your life over.
/r/Divorce_Men16/03/24 09:53 PM
7

Karma comes back with a vengeance
/r/Divorce_Men16/03/24 09:52 PM
2

Would I get remarried? Yes, with appropriate legal safety measures in place. Would I “cut & run” earlier? Absolutely as soon as I saw ANY red flags she was unwilling to fix. YouTube became my psychologist after my divorce. I learned so much about me, her, our marriage & relationship, intimacy, trust, boundaries, etc. Certainly will never repeat the mistakes I made in the past, especially in regards to boundaries. BTW, I’m old AF, so no kids would ever be involved.
/r/Divorce_Men16/03/24 09:37 PM
1

I think we married the same woman. Mine could never sit still. I told her she was a “human doing”, as she could never just “be”.
/r/Divorce_Men16/03/24 09:33 PM
2

I tell HER to go to one. But that’s me
/r/Divorce_Men15/03/24 11:52 PM
11

They’ll need far more than that. 500K+ have been killed or permanently maimed so far. Most of those were trained, especially the early deaths who had full NATO training. The DC neocons don’t care who dies, or how many, for their world domination fantasies. And most of them are fellow men.
/r/MensRights15/03/24 02:44 AM
6

Mine came at 61 bro’…
/r/Divorce_Men15/03/24 02:35 AM
11

Welcome to that segment of women who live perpetually as self-centered children in adult bodies.
/r/Divorce_Men13/03/24 06:57 PM
14

Sure, take ONE guy and extrapolate it to “conservatives”. I’m trying to figure out which of you is actually more foolish.
/r/MensRights13/03/24 05:45 AM
2

Well I’m not short, no longer married, getting up there in years, and plan to take myself out when I can’t wipe my own 🫏anymore. Not sure how I would answer such a survey as I expect my plan to take 15-20 years to play out. For anyone here who might be thinking of taking yourself out, please don’t & seek help. Life can be tough and sometimes you’ll feel way in over your head and all you see is darkness. It will get better. I’ve been there, and came back to soar later in life.
/r/MensRights13/03/24 03:13 AM
1

Mine was last month and… I don’t even think about it. Literally passed by without a thought. You’ll get there
/r/Divorce_Men13/03/24 12:22 AM
6

It might be time to “destroy” the business. Have a heart to heart with someone at the venture firm. Sound your marriage concerns. I’m guessing there is NO business without you, but she is worthless. Someone mentioned diluting you both out. Get diluted. Sign an individual consultant agreement with them that allows you to buy your stock back by hitting specific consulting goals. File divorce, they tell you both it’s diluted or it all ends. If it dilutes, fine, her share is worthless. If she doesn’…
/r/MensRights12/03/24 07:47 PM
2

As the person who managed the finances, of which some were highly “portable”, when my now ex-wife wanted a divorce I told her up front “the law says you get 50% and that’s what you’ll get. But… if you let your gf’s fill your head with 💩and make things difficult, I guarantee you’ll not get 50% and there won’t be a damn thing you can do about it.” She “played nice” and ended up with about 51-52%
/r/Divorce_Men12/03/24 12:54 AM
3

Someone is whispering in her ear, likely her lawyer, that she can get a free ride to college off your back. Make sure you put together all pertinent documentation, and have your lawyer are you? She voluntarily quit her well paying job and that is not your responsibilityto provide for her after your separation
/r/Divorce_Men11/03/24 01:39 AM
14

My ex- might have done more small things like cook simple meals, but she never took on any projects that required heavy lifting, or dozens of hours of labor. She never built a deck, hung drywall, demo’d anything, wired a house from scratch, did plumbing or hot water heating lines, ran a mini excavator, moved figuratively tons of stuff when moving residences, managed a business that started from scratch & grew it to multi-millions in revenue, installed dishwashers, water heaters, etc etc. But whe…
/r/Divorce_Men08/03/24 10:14 AM
4

When we got married my ex- said “There will never be a divorce”. Later she called it. When I reminded her of it, her response was “yeah, well I changed my mind”. I’ve done a bit of dating. For a while my goal was one date a week. Then I met someone where I really thought we clicked. She was from CAN & wanted to marry to stay in the US. Prenups would have been in place. I told her sex would definitely be part of the relationship. She said okay. About 8 days prior to arriving she texts me to say s…
/r/Divorce_Men08/03/24 09:14 AM
3

Why do you wish for dignity from one who clearly could care less about you? All respect is gone. I went down this road, “saved” the marriage, and lost myself in the process of sacrificing for the kids. What I never got was true remorse. What I always had to watch was what I said to her. Roughly 50% of first marriages end in divorce, like 65% of 2nd marriages, and like 72% of third marriages. The odds are not in her favor. When she failed to give him up the odds were not in yours. Getting her can…
/r/Divorce_Men08/03/24 08:46 AM
1

Cava de Oro anejo Tequila my friend. About $100/btl. Not for shooting, for sipping. You won’t regret it.
/r/Divorce_Men04/03/24 08:04 AM
6

I absolutely guarantee whatever 💩was floating around in my ex’s head was barely grounded in reality.
/r/Divorce_Men04/03/24 02:02 AM
4

Well, she seems pretty greedy so my approach would be to tell her the IRS is going to lien the house. At that point, it may complicate a sale (it shouldn’t but it’s possible). Tell her either list now, or you’ll tell the IRS to go ahead and lien the house, let them sell it, and split whatever’s left. And unfortunately they don’t care what price they get beyond what they are owed. That might wake her up.
/r/Divorce_Men01/03/24 07:56 AM
1

As long as the mortgage remains in your name (with her), 1) you are on the hook if she defaults at any time and 2) you may have a hard time getting yet another mortgage. If there’s any money to be traded by you I’d make sure she gets no cash up front & you pay windows & mortgage until such time as she is capable of renegotiating on her own. I’d also not quit claim any interest in the residence before that time, and I’d file a note on title that alerts any creditors that no further loans can be m…
/r/Divorce_Men29/02/24 11:46 PM
5

Here’s a simple concept that very important. If you don’t demand respect by calling out bad behavior, you’ll never get respect. Most men end up in failed marriages not because we lead, but because we end up following a woman who can’t lead. We’re too nice. YOU are too nice. Time to start cutting the disrespectful out of your life. Start with BIL. If you can physically kick his 🫏, the next time he gets all disrespectful get up in his face and simply (quietly) say “Do we have a problem here? Becau…
/r/Divorce_Men29/02/24 05:25 AM
5

We shared a bed but nothing was happening in that for over six months before she called it quits. Obviously nothing happened afterwards
/r/Divorce_Men28/02/24 03:46 AM
5

Are you both representing yourselves? Is everything spelled out? Who makes medical decisions for the kids? What is your child support exposure? Any alimony called for? Who is custodial parent? Who gets child credits for taxes? What if one of you wants to move away?
/r/Divorce_Men25/02/24 05:51 PM
10

Can’t afford not to. See if there’s a legal aid group that can help you.
/r/Divorce_Men25/02/24 05:47 PM
5

Get a lawyer.
/r/Divorce_Men25/02/24 05:40 PM
1

See if SHE will be your bank for the next few years. Try to negotiate the $50k as a “loan” instead of a lump sum payment. Say 6% interest, monthly payments, 5-7 year balloon. “For the kids” sake. Have you asked grandparents if they could help? Maybe they can do a loan to you.
/r/Divorce_Men25/02/24 05:12 PM
1

Drop a line back & let us know how it went. Just be sure to pay as you agree. Do one card at a time.
/r/Divorce_Men25/02/24 05:06 PM
2

BTW, if you have IRS debt that too can be negotiated.
/r/Divorce_Men25/02/24 05:04 PM
1

Whatever you agree to you must pay when that letter arrives. No exceptions. But look at it this way. If you can knock off say 2-3 cards with small balances, that’s 2-3 less headaches. And at 28% interest or whatever you’re paying, getting rid of ANY of it is a bonus immediately. Taking on the smallest first is fiscally the easiest for you, and any you make disappear is a sense of satisfaction.
/r/Divorce_Men25/02/24 05:03 PM
1

I did 5 credit cards and HOA in arrears. It works. Just sound matter of fact. “If I can’t make some of this disappear, it’s all going to disappear in a courtroom. I hate the idea of bankruptcy but my ex-wife & the courts got me here. My folks will help me a little to take some pressure off. They’re afraid I’ll kill myself if I don’t do something.” Say whatever. You call in on a weekday and say you want to do a negotiated payoff & need to speak with someone. Get a phone number and extension. Get …
/r/Divorce_Men25/02/24 04:58 PM
2

Negotiate with credit card companies. Try to pay them off at 50-60% if outstanding balance in lump sum payments. Start with the smallest card. Let’s say $2k. Get $1200 together. Call & tell them post divorce you really can’t handle the debt assigned by the court if you have to keep making payments to everyone. Tell them you’re afraid you’ll just go bankrupt. But to try and save everyone, you’re starting with your smallest inherited balance and can pay off a lump sum negotiated balance if $1k at …
/r/Divorce_Men25/02/24 04:48 PM
1

It’s time to prep for the fight. Any important papers, small valuables, important tools you might need for work, etc need to get stored elsewhere. Including passports for yourself & children, birth certificates, etc. Get a VAR (voice activated recorder) and be sure it’s on you when she gets served. You may want it all the time to protect yourself against DV (domestic violence) accusations. When she’s served expect her to lie/revise history about everything. You may want to get ahead of this by t…
/r/Divorce_Men23/02/24 06:29 PM
18

Literally get a lawyer and file immediately. Demonstrate you are absolutely serious. She doesn’t want to give up her remote man to save the marriage? There is no marriage. I went down this route decades ago, simped out, had no guidance, stayed for the kids mostly. It took months for mine to let go of her remote guy whom she’d also bedded on a trip (where it all started). If you want to put it back together, the first thing she needs to learn is respect for you. Nothing more will demonstrate self…
/r/Divorce_Men23/02/24 02:11 AM
3

My ex- was never accountable for any actions that caused me pain or anguish. The only think I can gladly take away from my divorce is that I “went on strike” many many years ago by retiring early. So in essence I stopped working for her future payout.
/r/Divorce_Men22/02/24 10:38 PM
1

Mine was in the millions. Wish it was as cheap as yours.
/r/Divorce_Men22/02/24 04:40 AM
7

Family model would be #1. If they were dysfunctional she likely will be as well as she won’t know different. We are all s product of nature and nurture, and if her family failed at nurturing she’ll likely fail you. Other thing: 2) is she high maintenance or a team player? 3) can she communicate well ? 4) does she have solid friends? 5) does she blame past relationships on the ex’s? 6) do your and her goals match? 7) is she emotionally stable for the most part? 8) is she controlling? 9) does she …
/r/Divorce_Men22/02/24 04:31 AM
1

No. If you’re both on the lease she cannot.
/r/Divorce_Men21/02/24 05:12 PM
5

I didn’t get divorced until 20+ years after she ripped my guts out by cheating. I stayed and but my tongue so my young boys would not be raised in a house that would have likely included a revolving door of men for attention. What I went thru at the time was gut-wrenching, but I looked at my work/business obligations as having no choice. There were days, even weeks, I got nothing done. I felt as though I was carrying the weight of the world upon my shoulders. My posture even changed. Then one da…
/r/Divorce_Men21/02/24 04:50 PM
2

My major fuckups were 1) I ignored some serious red flags 🚩 on her part. 2) I was not “emotionally available” (would not have even understood the term) and SHE was not either. 3) we both came from dysfunctional families. 4) I worked my ass off to improve us and didn’t understand her likely post-partem depression past kid #2. 5) I got significantly out of shape from job stress, the stress she was handing me, and a lack of being in touch with myself. I was in full “workhorse” mode. That all said, …
/r/Divorce_Men21/02/24 04:36 PM
6

Wait. SEVEN months married, it was all a sham. She’s told you she doesn’t love you, and you’re “being nice” by giving her money, maybe more more, your interest & who knows what else in the “house”? Did you hit your head hard when you fell off the turnip truck? Bro’, she’s dumping you and you can’t wait to REWARD her for it. So what’s her other man doing besides giving her pogo stick rides? Shouldn’t she be calling HIM for support? Pull your head out of your 🫏and dump her ASAP. You owe her nothin…
/r/Divorce_Men21/02/24 07:28 AM
6

They make up for it by backstabbing you and revising history to everyone within earshot.
/r/Divorce_Men21/02/24 12:49 AM
4

With mine a dish in the sink was a cardinal sin. Sometimes, but not always, putting a few dishes in the dishwasher was a sin if they could be hand washed. Then again other times she’d so pack the dishwasher that half the dishes would need to be washed again. When we had a party I’d help with food prep, she’d cook, and I’d clean up. I’d clean during prep, and I’d clean after the party, sometimes several loads in the dishwasher plus hand washing large things. That really was never enough. Enjoy yo…
/r/Divorce_Men20/02/24 05:40 AM
1

There’s likely going to be a lot of “fluff” in these proceedings that just take time and burn money. Do everything you can to not burden your attorney with the fluff. Be very accurate, concise, and detailed in your responses. Write them up, put them away for a week, go back and re-edit what you wrote. Don’t sweat taking 2-3 weeks to get it correct before handing it off to the attorney. Also take the time to read it and see how long it takes you. The attorney, barring any questions, should not bi…
/r/Divorce_Men20/02/24 05:15 AM
2

They all think they were cheated unless they get 💯
/r/Divorce_Men20/02/24 05:08 AM
16

No she is not. She is your idealized version of a good person. She was dishonest about her feelings for you, she was dishonest about your relationship by failing to address issues with you, and she was most surely dishonest about what you really meant to her by jumping on the first pogo stick that sprang up. You’re young. You have a lifetime to experience others and find someone who really appreciates & wants to be with you. Yes it’s hard to give up the fantasy, however that’s been shattered for…
/r/Divorce_Men20/02/24 05:02 AM
5

Imagine if your wife decided your kids were “trans”. You have no say in their medical decisions. Or she decides to move away. Can’t stop that either. Agreement calls for split of all child expenses? How’s private school costs working for you? And on and on. Don’t do it.
/r/Divorce_Men19/02/24 08:19 PM
3

The more you learn to understand you, the less she will mean to you. As men we become focused on the family unit, and tend to love hard, if imperfectly. When you’ve figured yourself out is when you’ll completely leave her emotionally behind.
/r/Divorce_Men19/02/24 07:11 PM
25

Should text her saying “looks like I’ll be home in 20 minutes now”…
/r/Divorce_Men18/02/24 08:28 PM
1

He’s got his own life. She’ll become his problem. She can make her own decisions, but these will end up impacting him for sure. As for her, she lied about what she wanted, and changed her story.
/r/Divorce_Men12/02/24 04:39 PM
1

Oh it’s all over. And I wasn’t going to be a paycheck. I have a paid off home & if she had lived with me my expenses would not have changed beyond food. As she would have needed more money if by chance I had died, she could have saved all her pension money for that future possibility.
/r/Divorce_Men11/02/24 09:36 PM
5

Had a 2nd wife in the waiting. Kind of an arranged thing as she wanted to move to the US from CAN. I paid attention to her concerns, I voiced my own. We were actually a very good fit, with a lot of commonality. There would be a pre-nup, and sex would be involved. No sexless marriage. She was also talking to some other guy who, by her description, had medical issues & zero desire to assist her financially as I would have. Eight days before her arrival she calls it off and says she’s going to live…
/r/Divorce_Men11/02/24 07:11 PM
2

Absolutely feel free to blame the party. They’re just as stupid and corrupt as the other guys. Neither actually gives a 💩 about the people.
/r/Divorce_Men11/02/24 02:21 AM
2

Are you kidding? Why do you think Congress passes these major Omnibus spending bills? Or ties things like border controls to giving money to Ukraine? The system is SPECIFICALLY set up so little pet legislation like this goes thru with bigger legislation. This is what makes DC so dysfunctional.
/r/Divorce_Men10/02/24 09:58 PM
0

Trump didn’t write the legislation, Congress did. It’s their job to screw us all over with every opportunity.
/r/Divorce_Men10/02/24 09:39 PM
2

Depends on the business structure and if you were both signing for the debt.
/r/Divorce_Men08/02/24 04:52 PM
2

If there is any chance of this ever being a profitable enterprise you’ll want to retain 50% of the stock AND put in place an operating agreement whereby beyond some meager salary all profits are dispensed to shareholders. Use this as a bargaining chip to NOT have your take on 50% of the debt.
/r/Divorce_Men08/02/24 04:51 PM
1

If you’re looking to get hammered on the financial side by her negotiate for deferred compensation at the new job. That way your checks will be smaller for alimony calculations
/r/Divorce_Men08/02/24 07:38 AM
7

She’s not your friend. This is war.
/r/Divorce_Men08/02/24 05:34 AM
3

PLAN your exit. Start to envision your future life. Get yourself in better shape if needed. Do NOT call it quits until she graduates and has a job unless you absolutely have no choice. Document everything you do with the kids on your phone. Dates in a calendar, pictures of you at sport practices with them (every one of them), parent teacher conferences, doctors appointments—you name it. Everything. You don’t say when she’ll graduate but likely she thinks she’s using you to get her degree and mov…
/r/Divorce_Men08/02/24 05:12 AM
3

The affair is a bargaining chip. Use it wisely. And do NOT leave with children involved unless you have a parenting agreement in place. If you think she’ll try a domestic violence charge keep a voice activated recorder on at all times(VAR).
/r/Divorce_Men08/02/24 04:21 AM
3

Oh yeah, been thru that one.
/r/Divorce_Men08/02/24 04:15 AM
6

You are Plan B. Plan A failed. But here’s exactly what I would do. Get her to admit by email that she abused the court system to go after you. Tell her anything you want until she does so. Then turn that over to your lawyer.
/r/Divorce_Men07/02/24 04:30 AM
6

She’ll blow it with them for sure. Once the divorce is final when they ask why you can always say “your mother decided this all, not me. “
/r/Divorce_Men05/02/24 06:27 PM
3

I hope your kids understand she is the cause of all the destruction.
/r/Divorce_Men05/02/24 06:09 PM
3

🤣🤣🤣 She had two worth at least $50k and made sure to point out they were “gifts” so excluded from the asset division. Not like I would have asked for them or included them, but it just went to her selfish nature and coaching from divorced gf’s…
/r/Divorce_Men05/02/24 06:10 AM
4

My ex-wife’s family was totally dysfunctional from the get go. Back then we weren’t as aware as we are now of what that portends for the future.
/r/Divorce_Men04/02/24 05:19 PM
4

When I got divorced (very late in life) in a 50/50 state where neither of us was working, I told my then-wife “there will be no alimony”. You’d think she’d say “of course” given our circumstances but her response was “well I have to look out for my own best interests”. Even though we both were set for the rest of our lives together or apart, she’d have taken as much as possible given the option. And yes, I made the vast majority of it.
/r/Divorce_Men04/02/24 05:16 PM
5

@40% I’d save enough to move to Mexico permanently once the kids were post college.
/r/Divorce_Men03/02/24 10:49 PM
5

Every day you stay with her is a wasted day. What happens in the end will happen either way. Your staying in it is not going to change anything. You can’t fix broken people who don’t want to fix themselves.
/r/Divorce_Men01/02/24 01:34 AM
2

Women will tell all their friends, everything about their marriage, about their unhappiness, etc. well, before they ever tell their husband.
/r/Divorce_Men01/02/24 12:33 AM
2

All mine are grown. The one I have issues with has always thought he was the smartest guy in the room. His mom always pumped him up that’s he’s “so smart”. Yes, he’s smart, but what really pissed him off was me telling him I was smarter than him, not because I’m “smarter” per se, but because I have decades of experience as an adult and nothing can replace that. Sometimes I fear he got my mother’s narcissistic bent.
/r/Divorce_Men31/01/24 09:17 PM
5

Time to cut ties. I have a couple of kids, and the oldest and I stopped speaking months ago. I doubt we will ever speak again. The last thing I pointed out to him via text was if he wants respect it’s time he learn to give respect. Part of our issue is a clash of personalities, but zero doubt exists in my mind my ex- has been polluting his head for years. All that does is feed into his self-centeredness regarding me, just as my ex- was self-centered. I would be nice to have a good relationship w…
/r/Divorce_Men31/01/24 08:58 PM
1

It it’s becomes even remotely hostile carry a VAR every time you’re near her. Try to keep communication to email (or text if necessary) to establish if she is hostile & uncooperative, or is weaponizing the children against you.
/r/Divorce_Men31/01/24 08:36 PM
2

Time to tell her “I understand your plan is to wear me down. It’s not going to work. I’m now going to be just as unreasonable as you. F*ck it, let the lawyers have it all.”
/r/Divorce_Men25/01/24 01:36 AM
10

Family is a YUUGE indicator. If they’re dysfunctional, so will she be. Ask me how I know.
/r/Divorce_Men25/01/24 01:30 AM
1

Not the same building, same community. One mile apart.
/r/Divorce_Men25/01/24 01:08 AM
2

I’m going to only address the “faith” as peck of this (and I follow none myself). I’ve long said “if you don’t believe in something you’ll soon believe almost anything”. As religion has declined in this country, political polarization and division over various subjects has increased significantly. This done purposefully as keeping the divide benefits many “players” out there. This country was far more unified when it had a greater religious base. I never make fun of people for their religion eve…
/r/Divorce_Men22/01/24 05:23 AM
1

If I turn my back on her, than she can play “poor me” to everyone around her. I won’t give her that satisfaction.
/r/Divorce_Men22/01/24 12:27 AM
2

By not giving her a brief hug, she will turn that into being a victim, and I am a jerk.
/r/Divorce_Men21/01/24 10:35 PM
5

Kids long grown here. We are a very late in life divorce. Live in a 55+ community so appearances have to be kept up you know.
/r/Divorce_Men21/01/24 05:29 PM
12

They move on earlier than us. By the time we are told they’ve mentally exited for a long time.
/r/Divorce_Men21/01/24 05:25 PM
10

I live a mile from my ex-wife. Since our actual divorce I’ve physically seen her maybe 5 times. When she sees me in public she always wants a hug, which I’m sure is for appearance sake. So as not to be made out as the asshole I give her one, but I literally feel nothing. I feel warmer hugging a neighbor than her.
/r/Divorce_Men21/01/24 05:23 PM
1

Nothing that stops her.
/r/Divorce_Men21/01/24 05:08 AM
2

Your biggest exposure is the business fails, she re-enters court crying destitute, and the court decides you need to pay more CS
/r/Divorce_Men21/01/24 03:57 AM
1

So what happens if she blows up and the business fails?
/r/Divorce_Men21/01/24 03:40 AM
3

Why would you want to gamble your future on her business execution? Beyond that, if you are splitting up a legal entity (marriage) why would you remain entangled?
/r/Divorce_Men21/01/24 03:04 AM
8

$193/mo is a bargain. Live with it.
/r/Divorce_Men20/01/24 05:13 PM
2

You have two women in your life that have NO respect for you. Period. You cannot “fix” them. You cannot change their minds. I have one son like this. No respect for me. We never talk. We may never talk again. I’m good with it since I’m not good with being disrespected after all the good I brought into his life. Time for you to grey rock then both, and try to keep up with the 9yr old only. Don’t get involved in their drama.
/r/Divorce_Men19/01/24 04:50 AM
1

I knew of other guy when we first went in a few dates. Always under the impression he was nothing more than a free taxi service for her. She literally never said anything positive about him. The “plan” was for us to live together a few months and see if we liked each other enough. The added fun part is I met her son who lives in my area. Nice guy in his 30’s. We hit it off immediately. Before she was due to leave she was saying she wanted to arrive but go to his house the next day to give Xmas p…
/r/Divorce_Men19/01/24 04:13 AM
5

Started dating a gal, then it went long distance. She wanted out of Canada & to do that she needed to get married in the US. I said I’d never get remarried but we were getting along so well I actually entertained the thought provided a pre-nup was involved. She had no problem. Mentioned she was still talking to some other guy who she had always described as “grumpy & vaccine injured”. I’m thinking she’s keeping him around as a backup. Anyway, I was blatantly clear in what I was looking for (whic…
/r/Divorce_Men19/01/24 02:35 AM
8

I got divorced at the same age. Mine was definitely “checked out” well before but the signs were subtle. Fortunately the kids were grown & out, neither of us was working, and we lived in a 50/50 state. I’m quite well aware of the fact that she talked to at least two divorced gf’s, and she told me both of them “got screwed” in the divorce. As I know one of the husbands I know the wife ran up $125k in ridiculous legal bills that could have largely been avoided but she was constantly “looking” for …
/r/Divorce_Men19/01/24 02:09 AM
8

YouTube channel Psychacks very good for understanding things.
/r/Divorce_Men18/01/24 06:06 PM
4

I’m going to add that any paperwork regarding your child, birth certificates, passports, etc should be sequestered away from her in case she tries to bolt with your child.
/r/Divorce_Men11/01/24 06:40 PM
2

I’m not interested in any kind of “high”, just sleep. Good luck!
/r/Divorce_Men11/01/24 09:23 AM
1

You have no children, she doesn’t want you, but she wants you to be her standby. There is no reason for you to leave. There is every reason for her to leave.
/r/Divorce_Men11/01/24 09:22 AM
2

If YOU own the home, SHE needs to leave. Especially if she precipitated the separation. Frankly you may as well file now.
/r/Divorce_Men11/01/24 01:48 AM
2

THC gummies will fix this issue. Seriously.
/r/Divorce_Men11/01/24 01:38 AM
6

She wanted it, I filed. Waited for her to wait weeks for a video consult with a lawyer during the ‘rona. I talked to another guy who gave me his lawyer & I saw him the next day. She was never good at anything like this.
/r/Divorce_Men10/01/24 06:30 AM
2

Now that is a true “train wreck”.
/r/Divorce_Men09/01/24 05:27 AM
2

Affairs are about romanticizing the other partner to be what you want them to be. It makes little difference what he says, she hears something else in her mind. Sounds like she’s a possible introvert who can function as an extrovert with short spurts of time. Chances are if she leaves no one will work for her. Why do I say that? Because if she really had plenty to offer she’d have already immersed herself in a real-life affair instead of an on-line fantasy.
/r/Divorce_Men09/01/24 04:52 AM
4

Pretty close myself, yeah.
/r/Divorce_Men09/01/24 03:44 AM
1

Should have swiped right just for fun!
/r/Divorce_Men08/01/24 12:34 AM
4

Put together the cash nest egg, and when you hit 65 yrs old, move to Mexico forever.
/r/Divorce_Men06/01/24 08:44 AM
4

Drop me a line when you get here. I’m out by AJ. The closest in fun road riding is out east on 60. I’ll take the BMW myself.
/r/Divorce_Men05/01/24 06:31 PM
1

You’d be amazed at what you can learn off YouTube. It was my go-to for my own “therapy”.
/r/Divorce_Men05/01/24 05:31 PM
10

Mine ended after 31 years if marriage & 35 years together as well. She got her 50%. Millions. I spent most of a year “lost” and made some not so wise but certainly not fatal decisions. I spent most of two years analyzing the marriage to figure out, beyond the obvious, what went wrong. Finally fouñd the answer in a link posted here on Reddit. Later expanded upon it by revisiting my own MBTI personality traits. Now 2.5 years past d-day, two years past the signing of the papers. Mentally in a very …
/r/Divorce_Men05/01/24 05:27 PM
1

This is the way.
/r/Divorce_Men05/01/24 02:07 AM
4

Not joking here. THC gummies. Get the ones for sleep and try a few kinds. Some knock you out faster but don’t last long, others last longer but don’t hit you as hard. One I tried claimed on the label I’d be “zoned out on the couch” but was an utter disappointment as it does almost nothing for me. I’m elaborating here do you don’t try one kind, and if it doesn’t work, you write off the whole idea. The ones I’ve found to be best are the “Wana Stay Asleep”, though if you’re waking in the middle of …
/r/Divorce_Men02/01/24 08:48 AM
2

Here’s a simple answer. If you have a foreign bank account already set up, yes you can wire transfer the funds to that foreign account. I expect you’ll want to be on a flight out 2-3 days later when you’ve confirmed the money is in its foreign destination. Don’t plan on ever returning.
/r/Divorce_Men02/01/24 01:44 AM
1

When she gets the papers you better already be packing that VAR
/r/Divorce_Men01/01/24 06:38 PM
1

It’s time for a VAR anytime you are around her. Also time to set aside some cash for you just in case she successfully gets you booted. Also get important papers, clothes, tools, spare car keys, laptops etc out of the house and somewhere else.
/r/Divorce_Men01/01/24 06:39 AM
6

If she’s that out of control a DV charge may soon come your way. Better get a VAR immediately and keep it running around her all the time. Get some money out of some account in care you get booted from the house. Also some clothes, necessary tools, important papers, family heirlooms, etc. This has all the marks of going totally sideways real soon.
/r/Divorce_Men01/01/24 06:22 AM
2

They are your agent but their results are independent.
/r/Divorce_Men30/12/23 05:09 PM
10

Private investigator.
/r/Divorce_Men30/12/23 06:32 AM
8

You’re not the backup if other guy bows out. Exit stage left.
/r/Divorce_Men30/12/23 01:27 AM
3

The better your documentation, the better off you are.
/r/Divorce_Men30/12/23 01:09 AM
7

Let’s put it this way, if you’re not an abusive spouse, and out of the blue separation or divorce starts coming up, the chances are mighty big there is already another guy in the picture.
/r/Divorce_Men30/12/23 12:45 AM
5

Watched a parent go with dementia. That solicited my resolve.
/r/Divorce_Men30/12/23 12:41 AM
4

I’ve long said when I can’t wipe my own ass I’m checking out of the system.
/r/Divorce_Men30/12/23 12:36 AM
11

So every time you two have a fight she’s going to find her answer with another man. Makes perfect sense. 🤷‍♂️
/r/Divorce_Men28/12/23 10:56 PM
1

With some more time she will become meaningless to you. Some guys out there will use her, and likely she’ll end up a cat lady. If you need a random, confidential guy to talk to, drop me a PM.
/r/Divorce_Men28/12/23 12:10 AM
7

NO woman is worth ending your life over.
/r/Divorce_Men28/12/23 12:07 AM
10

Nope. None of my friends would ever treat me as she did during our marriage. And if they did they wouldn’t be my friends.
/r/Divorce_Men26/12/23 11:52 PM
2

Do NOT discuss anything with you adversary, as that is what she is now. What you CAN do to “cover” the change in the deposit of your paychecks is say “well, I didn’t want to hurt you feelings but I noticed that tax deposits hadn’t been made so I was just going to do them myself”. If she puts up a stink say “I was only thinking if you, but if you have copies of those deposits and it wasn’t a mistake please let me know”. That should leave her flummoxed. BTW, at this point I would spend no time aro…
/r/Divorce_Men25/12/23 09:30 PM
2

Do not be surprised to do a business audit and find 1) phantom employees and/or 2) phantom vendors were getting paid as part of her “skimming” operation. Any vendor paid over $5k in a year should be suspect. That may sound low but this is a threshold to look at whether they were ever a legit vendor to begin with. Of course you should know all your employees. Watch for payments to any temp help companies as well.
/r/Divorce_Men25/12/23 09:14 PM
3

Ummmmm….. that is FRAUD. Plain & simple. And to get the HELOC she probably forged your name as well. Yes, you absolutely need the forensic accountant. More so, when you find the money, it’s time to tell her to give it ALL back voluntarily or you will press fraud charges against her and alert government agencies of her actions as well.
/r/Divorce_Men25/12/23 08:32 PM
4

The actual probability of you finding what you seek in another man is very slim indeed. Yes, they’re out there, and I do not know your income level, but in general the stats are against you. Thus you may have to accept that while you’re not going to want to be a full support system for some later relationship, you will have to “subsidize” him for what you want and like. Which, btw, men have been doing for women forever. Go search “I got standards bro” for a calculator telling you your chances.
/r/Divorce_Men25/12/23 08:11 PM
6

Are you not bitter about what the exit will cost you? Why shouldn’t men be bitter about theirs? Especially since many of us did not choose this road.
/r/Divorce_Men24/12/23 09:25 PM
6

I gave up multiple 7 figures in my divorce. As a guy I don’t care how much any future woman makes, only if we have a similar outlook on life. As a “millionaire next door” type, I personally don’t live an ostentatious life. I’ll make sure any next one doesn’t expect the same. Maybe re-examining how important your “lifestyle” really is to you could lead to some adjustments.
/r/Divorce_Men24/12/23 09:22 PM
3

Welcome to what so many men have been through, sadly. Don’t rule out a future with another as there are always pre-nups available. Lastly, your likeliest best answer is to move to another state like AZ if possible, and then get divorced.
/r/Divorce_Men24/12/23 09:19 PM
2

This.
/r/Divorce_Men23/12/23 04:04 PM
1

It’s “The Happy Wife School”.
/r/Divorce_Men23/12/23 05:22 AM
2

Well, you’re gonna do what you’re gonna do.
/r/Divorce_Men23/12/23 04:38 AM
7

Take a deep breath and don’t commit financial suicide. Split & move on amicable if possible. If court as a man you always stand to lose more.
/r/Divorce_Men23/12/23 04:29 AM
1

Ask her why “new man” isn’t helping…
/r/Divorce_Men23/12/23 04:16 AM
8

Ah yes, the Socialist Republic of Washington at it again.
/r/Divorce_Men21/12/23 07:59 PM
2

I deleted all the solo pics of my ex-wife. There’s maybe 1/2 dozen that include the kids that I have kept.
/r/Divorce_Men19/12/23 07:30 AM
2

Better start carting a VAR at all times for the eventual DV accusations.
/r/Divorce_Men18/12/23 08:26 PM
5

I think most men on here would say their marriage was at least “okay” most of the time. My ex- did some downright horrid, selfish & destructive things during our marriage but most of the time it was at least “okay” or “good”. I don’t “hate” my ex-, I’m totally indifferent to her now. My indifference allows me to choose to not have her in my life even though we live within 2 miles of each other. I never pine, as you do, for what we had as she destroyed it. Yours destroyed what you had as well. Yo…
/r/Divorce_Men18/12/23 06:33 PM
0

No, they really don’t change.
/r/Divorce_Men17/12/23 10:53 AM
1

Mine cost me 50/50 but she still got multiple 7 figures. Life is better.
/r/Divorce_Men15/12/23 01:49 AM
4

Some women are just emotion sponges, sucking up all they can while giving little back in return. Your best course is to go back to grey rock and if she has a child issue, simply tell her to drop them off and do what she needs to do. If she asks for more support, tell her she made the choice to leave you and you cannot for your own mental health be her emotional crutch on demand.
/r/Divorce_Men14/12/23 04:37 AM
1

I’ll take the other side. I ride motorcycles. I did not ride them when I had a business where my family and many employees depended upon me. I took up riding again when my kids were in their teens, my business sold, and my family secure. I believe it’s inherent upon a family man to put family first.
/r/MensRights09/12/23 07:28 PM
3

Likely your cheapest living in HI might be on a boat. I’d look into slip rentals there & then getting a used sailboat. You could learn to sail & also make it an adventure for fathers/kids.
/r/Divorce_Men09/12/23 07:20 PM
2

Mine was amicable. Neither of us worked. Early retirees. I made the vast majority of our money. Left her the house she loved. Worked out a financial split. Hired a lawyer to do all the paperwork correctly. And, as I controlled most of the assets told her if her gf’s started pumping her head full of shit I would make sure she did not get 50/50. She played nice and got like 51/49 split to her favor. I’m quite sure if she could have gotten alimony she’d have gone for it. The funny part was had she …
/r/Divorce_Men09/12/23 07:20 AM
1

Really depends on what you want to do. She has the financing & the easy road. If you can set yourself up for another residence when rates drop & can afford the mortgage & down payment, then go along with her. If that’s an issue, I’d point out to her that deal is NOT so good for you as she incurred no costs while you incur moving, rent, etc. plus you may not be able to swing a place on your own. My personal belief is that a narrow window is coming. I don’t know if I can put a video link up here s…
/r/Divorce_Men08/12/23 03:23 AM
1

Here’s a different spin. Rates are starting to come down. Likely mortgage rates could be 4.5-5.5% range by end of next quarter. At that time if the economy is hemorrhaging the Fed will need to crank up the presses yet again, thus driving inflation and rates up yet again. If she buys you out, she avoids future inflation in housing prices. If parents fund her she has no mortgage but if she does need to get one, they’ll probably have her finance whatever is affordable to her. She also does not have…
/r/Divorce_Men08/12/23 03:05 AM
2

Personally IDGAF what she thinks or does. She threw me away. So it goes.
/r/Divorce_Men07/12/23 06:31 PM
1

I live in an over 55 community. There are not a lot of single/divorcee pp here. Granted I don’t know the entire community. There are lots of couples here who still do things together, walk hand in hand, and I see some where one spouse is physically supporting another who has had issues. Lucky me, I had the crazy wife who wanted a divorce. That was two years ago. Now I know one other guy who’s also getting divorced here. Always thought if we made it this far we could make it to the end. One never…
/r/Divorce_Men06/12/23 06:23 PM
2

When my ex wanted a divorce I told her we’d split all finances & bills 2 months afterwards. We literally divvied everything up ourselves at the time. Granted we had significantly more assets than you, and I had far more leverage than you. Along the way I also let her be a slight “winner” financially.
/r/Divorce_Men06/12/23 06:16 PM
2

I repeated the role of my compliant & enabling father towards my self-centered NPD mother. My wife ended up being as selfish & self-centered as her mother. We were literally made for each other. Short of significant awareness or major trauma that causes life-changing attitudes, we tend to re-enact the only model we ever truly knew.
/r/Divorce_Men06/12/23 06:11 PM
1

It’s really unknown. I’ve seen dysfunctional relationships, decent relationships, and occasionally exceptional relationships—the latter far & few between. We all have our own idealized “fantasy” of what we want in a partner. We’re often willing to overlook the flaws & red flags because we “see” enough of what we want & like nonetheless. What/sho you loved was a mix of reality & fantasy. No more no less. Does your true “soul mate” exist? In this huge world likely, but likely you never meet her. L…
/r/Divorce_Men25/11/23 05:57 AM
1

That’s middle school years. Those can be seriously hard for some kids
/r/Divorce_Men25/11/23 01:33 AM
4

You already know the answer and typed it above. You love what she “was”, which was an idealized version of who you thought you had married. That person never truly existed. You want that fantasy back because it was… easy. It’s easy to want something you can’t have, it’s hard to go out and do the work (and it is work) to find a compatible person and build something new and better. If it were easy there’d be no divorced unhappy people. You really don’t need your ass kicked, you just need to embrac…
/r/Divorce_Men22/11/23 07:30 PM
2

My ex- cheated when the kids were ~4 & 2.5 yrs old. Knowing the court system and how f’d we’d all be I played the “pick me” game and in the end “won”. I truly believed she would have been a detriment to their mental development is we’d have divorced & she given primary custody. We stayed together 21 years after her cheating. It wasn’t a horrible marriage & it wasn’t exceptional. I could never trust her again so I made changes that would at least leave me not as financially exposed as when she fi…
/r/Divorce_Men18/11/23 05:59 AM
3

My biggest regret was allowing some blatant lies to pass when we were still dating, and never being good at setting boundaries. Turns out “happy wife happy life” is total bullshit and when you bend over backwards to accommodate “crazy” they only get crazier.
/r/Divorce_Men18/11/23 05:47 AM
9

You’re being told to stop being a sucker. If she wants to destroy you, she not your wife or the mother of your children, she’s THE enemy. You have yet to embrace that idea. You may “care” but she’d knife you in the back if possible. Stop being a sucker. Now in your particular case, the fact that your business may die off is ONLY to your advantage if you drag this thru the legal system long enough. In that timeframe your business may die off, you could experience medical problems that prevent you…
/r/Divorce_Men18/11/23 05:35 AM
27

When I got married my wife said “there will never be a divorce”. 35 years later she wanted the divorce. When I reminded her of what she said her response was “yeah, we’ll I changed my mind.” You’re in love with a fantasy. As long as you cling to it you can never move forward. She changed her mind. Now you mean nothing. Maybe it’s just easier for you to pine for a fantasy than move into reality. I wish I was 45 when mine called it quits. You’ve got a lot more life ahead of you and a lot more choi…
/r/Divorce_Men16/11/23 01:22 AM
2

What’s the age of emancipation in TX. Older son could file for such on his own.
/r/Divorce_Men12/11/23 07:34 PM
1

Read: https://www.reddit.com/r/unvaccinated/s/ZQPInvbP05
/r/Divorce_Men12/11/23 07:58 AM
1

If you’re looking for had statistical evidence take a trip over to Twitter and roam the account of @ethicalskeptic for a start. I’m happy to provide more as well.
/r/Divorce_Men12/11/23 07:45 AM
3

Let me point out the THIRD largest cause of death in the US is the medical system, following heart disease & cancer. I’ve dealt with my mothers end of life health issues before she died, as well as my own. The system and people within it are NOT as adept and pure as you may believe them to be.
/r/Divorce_Men12/11/23 07:41 AM
3

The initial jabs showed some minor benefit, mainly for the elderly, but that waned over time. The Bivalent products were “supposed” to take care of early variants as well as Omicron. However, as these were administered into an active pandemic, numerous strains worked their way past these latest jabs and they too are mostly worthless. Now before you tell me I’m wrong, explain to me how these can be so “right” and yet we still cannot control the seasonal flu. And no, I’m not an “anti-vaxxer”, I ju…
/r/Divorce_Men12/11/23 07:38 AM
3

OMG how many vaxaholics are totally immune to the news that these shots have maimed and killed people (I know several personally) and that in every country they were widely administered “excess deaths” not attributable to the COVID virus 🦠 itself are up significantly. 🤦‍♂️
/r/Divorce_Men12/11/23 07:32 AM
0

1) she doesn’t want to live in cold Canada anymore, nor do I want to be there. 2) no guarantee she doesn’t quit in the future, but that would be a huge mistake before we were married at least 5 years. Less than that is deportation. Now maybe by 72 yrs old she’ll decide she wants to be on her own yet again, but there’s no financial gain in doing so, only financial loss.
/r/Divorce_Men10/11/23 09:51 PM
2

I feel for you brother, I really do. I’m well aware it could be so much worse, and had we as a couple not changed states a few years earlier it likely would have. I put up with some bad shit over the years to keep my marriage going. I was outright damn lucky in the end, as had it ended 22 years earlier I’d likely have ended up not much different than you.
/r/Divorce_Men10/11/23 07:09 PM
1

If we’re not legally married, she can only legally be in the US 6 months a year. If caught beyond that she can be deported & banned permanently.
/r/Divorce_Men10/11/23 07:03 PM
0

I “surrendered” millions in my own divorce. Was it hard? Sorta, but I have enough to live till I die so whatever. Did her lyin’, cheating ass deserve it? No way. Would she have taken me for more than 50% if she could have? 💯I’m sure she would have. As to getting married again, well, that may be in the cards for me. And after my divorce I said I’d never get married again yet here I am, looking at another possible future marriage. Why would I do such a crazy thing? Well this time, we’re both senio…
/r/Divorce_Men10/11/23 03:31 AM
9

The only true answer is the ones complaining wouldn’t know a “good guy” if he sat right down next to her. To these women a “good guy” is a Chad who sports all four “sixes” (6+ inches, 6+ feet tall, 6 pack abs, and a six figure income). And that version of Chad has to bend to her beck and call. They are simply delusional. https://igotstandardsbro.com
/r/MensRights09/11/23 03:27 AM
0

Your daughters don’t respect you because mom has set that example. She doesn’t respect you because you’re not leading the household. You didn’t mention if your wife works but my guess is not, and she has you cleaning like a trained monkey after your own work day. “Happy wife, happy life” does not exist. I tried that. Go to the Divorce_men sub here and you’ll find plenty of others. Can this all be saved? Do you even want it to be saved? Chances are your daughters MIGHT come around when they’re ar…
/r/MensRights08/11/23 07:26 AM
3

I’m very sorry for your impending loss. I’ve had six dogs since 1990, and helped a few cross the bridge. I’ve been dogless exactly one week since 1990 as well. No one can ever replace your companion, as no dog has ever replaced one before it. That said, there another one out there waiting to share that special bond with you when the time comes.
/r/Divorce_Men08/11/23 01:48 AM
1

You’re like many men, your family was your life & routine. That got stripped away and now you feel lost. We’ve all been there to some extent. So what now? Well, what would it have been if she was never there & you’d never had kids? What did you used to like to do? Have any friends whatsoever you can lean upon? Tell them how you feel if you do. Ask yourself what you’ve always wanted to do, and go try it. I got into archery. I thought I’d really get back into drums, but it hasn’t quite happened. S…
/r/Divorce_Men08/11/23 01:14 AM
2

Exactly.
/r/Divorce_Men07/11/23 02:16 PM
17

You should drop her a text that says “I found some kind of tracker on my vehicle. Turned it over to the cops. They’re going to run prints on it. If you’re the one who put this on my vehicle, now is the time to fess up before they actually show up at your front door. If it was you, I might let this pass with a written apology & promise not to do this again. If they trace it back to you without that acknowledgment & apology right now, I’m going to let the chips fall where they may.”
/r/Divorce_Men07/11/23 05:40 AM
7

Wonder what she thought if the tracker was on when it went to the station.
/r/Divorce_Men07/11/23 05:17 AM
0

In some respects yes, in others no. The biggest and most important change is that unlike a traditional marriage where you get married, have kids & hope for the best (with a 50% probability of loss), in this case there are no kids, and no hoping. Everything gets defined up front. Unlike my first marriage which had significant downside so long as the kids were under 18 yrs, and in which state I lived then where the courts would have likely f’d me harder and longer than my ex- ever did, we ‘re both…
/r/Divorce_Men07/11/23 05:07 AM
-1

For immigration purposes she needs to get Married & makes no bones about it. She wants to no longer live alone, as I would prefer not to as well. She’ll be back in my area to spend a few weeks with me end of the month & we’ll see how it goes. Doing this one completely backwards from the last one. Everything up front & outlined. No payday if it does not work out. I’m actually “the prize” here. We (she) can live out a great end of our lives together if we come to a meeting of the minds. I’m not go…
/r/Divorce_Men06/11/23 09:07 AM
4

I married her because I thought she was hot, and that we had some good things in common. The reality was my mother f’d me up and I didn’t know it, and her family was total dysfunctional from the get-go. We were literally made for each other. I took her places she had never been, gave her a far better life than she could have done herself, moved us into the top 5% of net worth, and retired us both early. But along the way she decided having an affair was smarter than working on our marriage. And …
/r/Divorce_Men06/11/23 06:20 AM
6

My ex- called it quits in a 50/50 state. Both retired. Told her she gets no alimony. She says “yeah, we’ll I have to talk to an attorney & look out for my best interests”. I’m sure if she could have found a way to screw me she would have. As I was in charge of all assets as she never cared before calling it quits, I told her after she found out it would only be 50/50 that I would not cheat her and it would end up 50/50 in the end but… if she f’d with me I would ensure it cost her a lot and there…
/r/Divorce_Men06/11/23 04:06 AM
6

The Advice about her selling your shit if she gets you booted is correct. Get any legal docs, heirlooms, valuables, several changes of clothes, work tools, spare vehicle keys, ets OUT of the place NOW. Store at parents, friends, small storage locker. Do not wait.
/r/Divorce_Men06/11/23 03:58 AM
4

You need to have a secret VAR running 24/7 on or by you.
/r/Divorce_Men06/11/23 03:55 AM
3

You’ll need to live not only in an environment that works for them, but also works for you. Thirty minutes would be a PITA, but 10 minutes certainly is not. Get a place near parks, a gym, shopping, etc. it you’re splitting time you’ll need to fill the other 50% of your time.
/r/Divorce_Men02/11/23 09:09 PM
3

Meetup.com can become your first start of a new social network. Other options include the gym, sports clubs, church, charity groups, and similar. You have to put yourself out there.
/r/Divorce_Men02/11/23 09:03 PM
8

Get all the important shit out of the house NOW! Tools, vehicle titles, portable wealth, family heirlooms & documents. Anything you might need yo continue business. Get clothing out too just in case.
/r/Divorce_Men02/11/23 04:29 PM
2

It’s a very selfish & insecure way of dealing with her emotions. She’s not processing herself well, and lashes out at you. My guess is in her mind she’s doing all the “heavy lifting” of the house while you “just go to work or talk on the phone”. My suggestion is you keep a log of what you personally do for the family/her/kids for a few weeks. Then try to get a sitter, take her to “neutral ground” like a park or open air restaurant or similar that’s not familiar to either of you, and broach hoe s…
/r/Divorce_Men01/11/23 10:24 PM
7

Family & friends all know? And how the hell can she spend $7k a month on all that?
/r/Divorce_Men01/11/23 10:14 PM
6

FAFO
/r/Divorce_Men01/11/23 10:11 PM
4

Karma’s a bitch.
/r/Divorce_Men30/10/23 07:27 PM
5

Offer to pay for the abortion for the other guys baby in you response. 🤣
/r/Divorce_Men30/10/23 07:15 PM
3

Some people never learn…
/r/Divorce_Men29/10/23 10:57 PM
2

I might be the only answer here that is “okay”. I stayed thru her cheating 21 years before she called it quits. I had total control of assets including some she simply could not account for. I told her she’d get her 50% but if she f*caked with me and listened to her stupid gf’s or thought she’d get more, I’d guarantee she would get far less. In the end she got about 52% , I 48%. I wanted her to feel like a winner. My divorce cost total ~4300. Otoh her share of the assets was in the 7 figures.
/r/Divorce_Men29/10/23 10:54 PM
8

A set of house cleaners can come do my entire house in roughly 4-5 man hours. I don’t use them. I just do a little bit every day. Everything gets done over time and it looks fine. And my place is almost 2400sqft in a dusty environment.
/r/Divorce_Men29/10/23 05:16 AM
2

Don’t worry, it’s still all your fault.
/r/Divorce_Men27/10/23 10:22 PM
5

Tell her it’s time for you to go back home and her to move out. Tell her your parents will let you both swap. Of course she’d never do that as she is entitled to ask you to leave, and if there’s another guy living with your folks would be living under a microscope. Just see what she says…
/r/Divorce_Men26/10/23 01:20 AM
2

Like Hall & Oates said, “She’s gone.” Do what’s gotta be done on your terms.
/r/Divorce_Men24/10/23 10:54 PM
3

Then file.
/r/Divorce_Men24/10/23 10:52 PM
5

No. Move back in NOW. Keep a VAR on you and on at all times. Stake out a room as your own and put a lock on it. Move your clothes and things in there. Don’t let her “rule the roost”. The longer you’re out, the harder to get back in. Keep every VAR recording backed up by date to a cloud. If she pulls any shit play it for the cops and judge. Get any personal valuables out to a friends house. Include kids birth certificates & passports. Same for any work tools if you do construction. Or rent a smal…
/r/Divorce_Men24/10/23 10:51 PM
5

If your mortgage rate is under 5% that would be foolish. You’re literally profiting off inflation on what debt you have.
/r/Divorce_Men21/10/23 11:01 PM
1

You’re seeking answers and working on self-education/improvement. I think a lot of guys do that. I know I did for about two years. I’d bet my ex- never spent 20 minutes working on understanding any aspect of her contribution.
/r/Divorce_Men21/10/23 11:21 AM
13

That $1100/mo could partly go to kid sitting.
/r/Divorce_Men20/10/23 06:50 AM
7

Not what you want to here, but you’re a man, and in reality you are always alone. What to do now? Rebuild. Live cheap, like “van down by the river” cheap. You can shower every day at the health club. Set a goal to live as cheap as possible for one year. It might turn into more, maybe not. Set a savings goal. Set a fitness goal. Set a time goal with the kids. At 31 I started a business. At 40 I was probably worth my first million. Being 40 is not too old to rebuilt. You have to want it, and you’l…
/r/Divorce_Men20/10/23 06:17 AM
5

2.25 years since we split. Almost 2 since divorce papers signed. Until last week I had not seen her in over a year. Now living in same community again though not close. She came and gave me a hug at a social event. I literally felt nothing. Zero. Would rather she not but if I turn her away I’m the bad guy. Whatever. It’s all for show on her part. You’ll get to where I am with time. You’ve been holding out hope, and she’s just been moving along. The only reason she wants you as a friend is to ass…
/r/Divorce_Men20/10/23 01:13 AM
6

Best side hustles for cash given time involved and low cost startup are auto detailing and washing windows. The former you can do without ladders. YouTube can teach you everything. I’ve got a guy coming next week to detail the inside of my pickup, in my driveway, for a C-note. Worth it to me.
/r/Divorce_Men18/10/23 11:03 PM
5

Bro, you are in WA. If there are kids involved, and she has no job or skills, the court is going to ream you a big new one. Better help her find a job pronto.
/r/Divorce_Men17/10/23 04:44 PM
1

Biggest mistake? Losing my shit on the phone to my ex- when she told me she was telling people it was a mutual decision (outright lying about it). I unloaded 30 years of her bullshit back on her in one phone call and a subsequent text (I doubt buttercup ever showed anyone). I’m sure she used that to justify in her mind I was “unsafe” and tell her gf’s that, while conveniently ignoring all the reasons why I unloaded upon her.
/r/Divorce_Men17/10/23 02:30 PM
2

I’ll tell you the same thing I told one of my best friends. The kids already know who both of you are. If they take sides that already had that in the past, or their politics will dictate it if you two are political opposites.
/r/Divorce_Men17/10/23 02:24 PM
3

You’ll have her for the most important & formative years, where values & morals are instilled
/r/Divorce_Men16/10/23 11:21 PM
5

Narc or not, most of us here have done that
/r/Divorce_Men16/10/23 11:15 PM
3

Then let her throw it away. Move on. She’s made her decision & will have to live with it. Take it from me it’s much harder at 60+ than at your age. At your age you can get women in their 40’s & 50’s. Women in their 60’s tend to overall look far worse than men in their 60’s, yet still have the attitude they deserve it all with a rich dude in his 30-50’s. It’s like reality never comes home. I have a female friend near 80 who has a sister a few years younger. Heavy set, not much to look at, decent …
/r/Divorce_Men16/10/23 07:26 PM
4

You married a child in an adult body. Children are not great at managing babies. They’re not great at deferring immediate gratification. They’re not great at anything beyond self-gratification. Can you deal with being married to a child who will put herself above her own child? Time to get out. She will destroy you.
/r/Divorce_Men16/10/23 07:08 PM
3

“The woman you marry is not the woman you divorce.” You may start out as partners, but somewhere along the way her ideas change, and she does not share them with you. She shares them with her gf’s who “support” her by encouraging whatever ideas pass her lips. She believes her ideas are “real”, and like most women she “rewrites history” to fit her new ideas. When my ex- called it she summed up a total of 35 years together with “we had some good times”. That was it. No deep conversations, no willi…
/r/Divorce_Men16/10/23 05:24 PM
1

If you can demonstrate ~$435k in liquid assets over a one year timeframe you can apply for residency in Mexico. If you can work from there, you could set up a company and if W-2 have your company pay that company. Now you’re out of the States, but may have to stay there forever. But… once gone, the spigot can get turned off for leverage. Personally, when my (now ex-) wife had an affair (in WA) I told her that if we didn’t make it, I didn’t give a fuck if the judge sent me to jail. I was not goin…
/r/Divorce_Men16/10/23 06:58 AM
2

If your lawyer was in possession of the paperwork and failed to see that performance was completed, your lawyer is at fault.
/r/Divorce_Men14/10/23 09:59 PM
5

You really need an attorney to deal with this.
/r/Divorce_Men14/10/23 08:11 PM
6

Get your personal (valuable) shit out and store it elsewhere. Anything you can’t live/work without can no longer be in the home. If possible live in another part of the house. Basement, spare bedroom, wherever. If you think a DV false charge may come your way, have 24/7 video recording in your space, and VAR on every time you leave your space. Keep a lock on the door. Basically put yourself under 24/7 surveillance. Split accounts, cancel credit cards, etc. Support the family but don’t support su…
/r/Divorce_Men14/10/23 08:03 PM
2

I’m surprised there’s only one company to finance it. Mobile Home Parks are typically leased spots, and those homes get financed. She needs to call a MH dealership (or maybe you need to do this for her) and ask who can finance MH purchases.
/r/Divorce_Men14/10/23 05:33 AM
1

This is a thread of wise responses. Please don’t think you know more than the hive mind
/r/Divorce_Men14/10/23 02:56 AM
1

If it’s not “material” I’d go with what was signed and work the change out between the two of you.
/r/Divorce_Men13/10/23 02:17 AM
5

The appropriate line would be… “she left me for you, huh? Good luck.”
/r/Divorce_Men11/10/23 11:07 PM
2

Please go visit the YouTube channel Psychacks and watch a bunch of his videos. They’re all pretty short and your find some answers there.
/r/Divorce_Men11/10/23 05:14 PM
5

This is a video all men need to watch (heck pretty much every video he’s posted as well). When you’re done with it, you’ll definitely know your answer: https://youtu.be/TWio2Lg7DrM?si=Z38c94F3mToGtUhg
/r/Divorce_Men11/10/23 01:42 PM
6

How much you into him for?
/r/Divorce_Men10/10/23 07:57 PM
2

If it’s going to happen better you be the more prepared of the two, having vetted for the best legal counsel, and set the frame of the divorce.
/r/Divorce_Men10/10/23 04:02 PM
2

Don’t ever take her back.
/r/Divorce_Men10/10/23 03:42 PM
3

Yes. And I’m quite sure if I had not she’d have destroyed everyone.
/r/Divorce_Men08/10/23 05:17 PM
5

Bro’ the court will ensure you pay plenty of support for your kid. Your STBX will likely do her best to punish you for the divorce. Don’t give up what you don’t have to give up. That house is YOUR stable domain to file for 50/50 custody. Your head is fooked up. You need a lawyer pronto to straighten you out.
/r/Divorce_Men07/10/23 10:38 PM
2

Oh I knew when she had the affair. And I was willing to sacrifice myself for the kids.
/r/Divorce_Men07/10/23 04:32 PM
2

Should have been out in 2000. Divorced in 2021.
/r/Divorce_Men07/10/23 07:34 AM
3

You can’t stop them. However I told my ex- if I caught her telling lies about me I’d start telling the truth about her, so best to stay quiet. I’m sure a few gf’s have been told fabulous stories in other parts of the country, but we live not far from each other and to do so here would be detrimental to her image once I found out.
/r/Divorce_Men06/10/23 05:32 PM
1

A lawyer is your most important first step. Only they can tell you your financial exposure. Make sure you have copies of finances or can recite off the top of your head all pertinent info about mortgage, savings, 401k etc. in some states you could be on the hook for endless alimony and if you’re in one, convincing the spouse to relocate to another that more divorce healthy for weather/health reasons could be a good plan (if possible). Or, as I noted some time ago in a post, a mid-life “crisis” o…
/r/Divorce_Men06/10/23 05:00 PM
1

Your ex- had serious insecurity issues, just like mine.
/r/Divorce_Men06/10/23 02:27 AM
1

Women don’t feel like men do. Go check out some videos on the YouTube channel “Psychacks” for a better understanding.
/r/Divorce_Men06/10/23 02:19 AM
1

Depends if your ex- will be a good co-parent or will be selfish and vindictive. If you have one where you both can work for the children first, almost any schedule can do to allow you both to have flexibility in your lives. If you have a vindictive selfish ex-, probably 7 on/ 7 off so the kids are not constantly in shuttle mode, and each of you has every other week/weekend free to pursue your own lives.
/r/Divorce_Men06/10/23 02:17 AM
7

I got separated/divorced and by roughly 6 months away from her my blood pressure dropped from an average of 128/86 to 114/74. Has stayed that low since. Had been that high pretty much my entire marriage.
/r/Divorce_Men06/10/23 02:05 AM
3

Contact a lawyer her to see about abandonment & divorce
/r/Divorce_Men06/10/23 01:57 AM
1

Handyman takes tools & some skill. Detailing & windows take minimal skill & tools.
/r/Divorce_Men05/10/23 11:10 PM
6

Your best side hustle for time invested is washing windows on homes, or detailing cars/boats. You can learn both off YouTube, and do them on your own time.
/r/Divorce_Men05/10/23 01:53 AM
6

That getting out in my early 50’s on my own volition would have left me a better life than getting out in my 60’s at her volition when it came to dating.
/r/Divorce_Men04/10/23 10:56 PM
1

Voice-Activated Recorder. Might as well get some recordings of her as well.
/r/Divorce_Men04/10/23 12:04 AM
3

Two can okay that game. Put a VAR in the car. Call her while she’s driving the kids somewhere and innocently say something that will set her off. Then as she starts to heat up say “work is calling, I got to take this and hang up.” If you’re “lucky” she’ll start bad-mouthing you either directly to the kids, or get on a call to go so in front of the kids. Bingo!
/r/Divorce_Men03/10/23 11:11 PM
1

If you go home, absolutely have a VAR in your pocket or a phone app doing the recording.
/r/Divorce_Men03/10/23 07:31 AM
1

Most men have zero desire to take on another man’s kids, let alone three all on the autism scale. If she’s looking for “action” she’ll find enough “hit it and quit it” guys, but the chance of her replacing you is probably less than zero. Your best option is to file first, go 50/50 on the kids. If possible try to not let her have all her weekends free. And start the 180 right now. Be a little erratic in your schedule. Fail to come home on time the nights she wants to go out. Make her begin to exp…
/r/Divorce_Men02/10/23 09:02 PM
1

The best answer I can give you is I “did the work” to figure out my own issues, and if I can find a woman who understands hers, a good partnership into old age could be a blessing. At least this time around if it were to happen I’m far more enlightened to issues and red flags than I was in my 20’s
/r/Divorce_Men01/10/23 08:27 PM
14

A friends son moved to and married a Japanese woman. He’s not Japanese. The MIL makes sure her daughter basically abuses him, and he stays for his two kids. He’s nothing but a workhorse for the wife to spend his money.
/r/Divorce_Men01/10/23 07:44 PM
1

Doubtful in my 60’s, which is unfortunately where I am now.
/r/Divorce_Men01/10/23 05:03 AM
3

Would I marry again? With the proper woman, and an iron clad pre-nuptial, yeah. The hard part is finding a proper woman. After 5-6 weeks seeking one on only one dating site, I think a lightning strike is more likely.
/r/Divorce_Men01/10/23 01:42 AM
1

Go fuck yourself troll. I don’t care about your worst fear. Go back to whining about etherium.
/r/Divorce_Men30/09/23 01:40 AM
1

No, you’re just a fuckwad who for some reason wandered into this space and this thread to harass people. Your history shows no divorce, no family mentions, and if not be surprised if you’re under 30 still living in mom’s basement. Go away troll. You have zero to add here.
/r/Divorce_Men29/09/23 08:18 PM
1

You can’t “fix” her. Time to move on.
/r/Divorce_Men29/09/23 06:34 PM
1

Don’t waste your time. I just did so and the fuckwad came back to attack me.
/r/Divorce_Men29/09/23 06:33 PM
1

Go fuck yourself. When you’ve put your life and your heart into raising a family, come back and talk to me. I knew by answering I was setting myself up for an attack and wanted to see if I was right. And I was. You’re another propaganda filled asshole. But don’t worry, life is coming for you and will get you when you least expect it. 🖕
/r/Divorce_Men29/09/23 06:31 PM
1

First off, I don’t owe you a response, and I ignored your request because to answer you would take pages of history to define it. But I’ll be kind enough to answer your request by saying many in the far younger generation(s) have had their heads filled with 💩. Them are not open to having any discussion that does not agree with what they’ve already been told in school, by their friends, the media. They have become unquestioning and obedient to the propaganda they’ve been served up, and unwilling …
/r/Divorce_Men29/09/23 06:20 PM
2

Schedule an appointment with a counselor. Invite her to come along.
/r/Divorce_Men27/09/23 11:11 PM
12

If it means anything I stuck around married to a cheater to raise two kids in an intact home. No one wanted for anything. My oldest always believed he was the smartest kid in the room from a toddler on. We don’t talk anymore because he wanted to censor me. I don’t take kindly to his kind of woke bullshit. I wish I had never fully paid his college so he’d have experienced life like his friends do, with loans, instead of being a know-it-all ingrate. With so many younger people nowadays, no matter …
/r/Divorce_Men27/09/23 07:45 AM
3

There is one part of the problem. You believe she owes you for your “investment” the family. Women don’t think that way. You’re no different than a wide receiver—only as good as the last pass you caught. Only now she thinks there’s a receiver more worthy of her attention and she’s switched teams. You’re last years team, the new player is more exciting. She’s convinced herself of as much and it takes a lot for that fantasy to break. That’s where “the 180” introduces some reality into her viewpoin…
/r/Divorce_Men27/09/23 07:35 AM
1

Putting in the mental work grants freedom & clarity. Good job!
/r/Divorce_Men26/09/23 08:40 PM
1

Well, I’m in my early 60’s, no Adonis, and can tell you that the pickings get much slimmer. After almost two years post split, I’ve finally started dating over the last month plus. I’m seeking late 50’s-early 60’s on one site only. What I’m learning is 1) the pickings are very slim, 2) the “lying” in profiles is incredible from fake pics to fake ages to just about everything else 3) in 4 different dates so far (it’s only been about 6 weeks), one was a decade older than her pics, one was about as…
/r/Divorce_Men26/09/23 08:32 PM
5

It’s a phase. You’ll get through it. “All women” and “all men” are not the same. Once the rawness of it all as passed, you’ll see individuals as individuals again.
/r/Divorce_Men22/09/23 10:58 PM
1

Most women cannot unless you are a “Chad”. Then they’ll chase you and if they land you, try to change you into what they want. Later they’ll be unhappy with the result.
/r/Divorce_Men22/09/23 08:43 PM
1

I’m not missing a point (unless I previously missed the nursing home part), I’m simply pointing out that so much of what was pushed upon us was propaganda or flat out wrong. As time unfolds we are seeing increasing “excess deaths” and claims for injuries as a result. That the issue was a decisive one (for your marriage) can be laid at the feet of our “authority figures”. An odd sidebar to this from my end was that my ex- (a HC professional) was not going to take the jabs, where I was ambivalent …
/r/Divorce_Men22/09/23 07:14 PM
1

I spent the same amount of time with my now ex-. Mine was a liar, a cheater, insecure, emotionally destructive, selfish and not very giving. It was a rough first 6-9 months after we split finding my feet planted. Now about 2.25 years later if/when I think of her the first thought I have is “man was she selfish & stupid”. You’ll get thru this like other things in life, and with some distance behind you see her more for whom she really was, not who you idolized her to be.
/r/Divorce_Men22/09/23 07:03 PM
1

The mask did you no good, the vax was only marginally useful for the Alpha variant. I’m in my 60’s and easily survived the ‘rona 2x (Alpha & Ohmygod variants) with no jabs, just vitamins & (2nd time) horse paste. I know people who got the jabs and got the ‘rona, as well as some that were injured by the jabs. And before you write me off as a loon like your ex-, I’ve easily got 1800 hours of reading and viewing behind my statements.
/r/Divorce_Men22/09/23 06:48 PM
2

Don’t bother posting it. Just keep it. If there are kids involved and she turns them against you, play it for them one day when they get older.
/r/Divorce_Men22/09/23 06:29 PM
1

Call her on a night when you’re at the house with the kid. Tell her you’ll both be stopping by to grab something. Your daughter wants to say hi as you stop in. That’ll get some panic going!
/r/Divorce_Men20/09/23 07:04 AM
4

There’s always a legal angle. Check with an attorney about his public slander of you on Facebook. You may have a case.
/r/Divorce_Men19/09/23 05:00 PM
4

Don’t back out, step up! Become even MORE involved. Be literally everywhere every time your kids are involved. Get a t-shirt with your kids pictures on it and wear it everywhere. “Proud dad!” or similar. Without “getting in his face” be in his face every opportunity. Eventually he’s going to blow.
/r/Divorce_Men19/09/23 04:58 PM
5

Can you live with a woman who does not love you? Are you okay with ‘pity sex’? Can you get the mind movies out of your head? Can you deal with the idea that at any time in the future she can just pull the plug at random? Can you deal with the idea that she’ll probably do this again? I stayed in my marriage for the kids, and when they were out, still stayed as we were doing ‘okay’. Two years ago, heading into our 60’s she pulled the rip cord. Financially we’re both fine. However at a time in life…
/r/Divorce_Men17/09/23 08:55 AM
1

Been there, done that. Never again.
/r/Divorce_Men13/09/23 07:43 PM
1

Play it out like a woman. Hide as much shit as you can. Play along with her. Then lower the boom out of the blue.
/r/Divorce_Men13/09/23 02:22 AM
5

Mine summed up 3.5 decades with “we had some good times.”
/r/Divorce_Men13/09/23 02:17 AM
1

Ever try a Concept 2 rower? Truly the best single fitness unit ever devised. And you can race others, etc. very addicting
/r/Divorce_Men11/09/23 03:46 AM
1

It’s kind of cliche, but you need to put together some music to motivate you. Stuff you can listen to while commuting. Songs that Jack you up, make you feel better.
/r/Divorce_Men11/09/23 03:42 AM
17

When people tell you who they are, believe them.
/r/Divorce_Men06/09/23 06:45 PM
2

My BP used to be ~128/86 while married. Now it runs ~114/74. Took me two years to get to where I was interested in dating. Might actually have a good one coming along. Be patient & work in yourself.
/r/Divorce_Men06/09/23 06:41 PM
3

It’s been 2.5 years here. No action, not trying. Finally starting to date. As much as I’d love to get laid I’d really like something & someone more meaningful in my life. That has take precedence.
/r/Divorce_Men04/09/23 04:53 PM
1

When she cheated in 1999.
/r/Divorce_Men02/09/23 10:41 PM
1

You could do just as so many women do, “check out”, get the paid off degree (or very close), THEN file for divorce & alimony.
/r/Divorce_Men01/09/23 05:48 AM
2

All couples debt is community debt. Time to rack up the credit cards with stuff you can sell for cash on Craigslist. Or have friends pay you cash for Home Depot purchases and you charge them
/r/Divorce_Men31/08/23 07:32 PM
2

True words of wisdom.
/r/Divorce_Men31/08/23 04:06 AM
1

In a country where being Spanish bi-lingual is increasingly a benefit, I’d not make a big deal about it. If it’s a positive for them, you won’t get harassed for standing in the way. If the new school is a negative you get to say to the kids “sorry but that choice was solely your mothers”. What I WOULD do is document this in a parenting app or by email, noting she made this unilateral decision, and request in response she send you all the pertinent school details as well as get you listed as a pa…
/r/Divorce_Men30/08/23 06:37 PM
3

If you can get the tags (plate) you might be able to get a DMV printout if registration. Or you might have to pay a PI to get it for you.
/r/Divorce_Men30/08/23 01:40 AM
1

When that last payment is due… alimony, child support, whatever, conveniently forget it. Let her get her dander up a bit. Payback for a bitch is a bitch.
/r/Divorce_Men29/08/23 07:16 AM
4

Mexico is an absolutely lovely place to live. It is cheaper than the US. At the present time, if you are close to retirement and have over 450 K in assets, you can apply for permanent residency. This may be your only escape from permanent à la mode. Just leave and never go back.
/r/Divorce_Men29/08/23 12:39 AM
1

Here’s what you do. You put together all the financials based on the date of separation. Paycheck stubs, tax, receipts, brokerage accounts, savings, accounts, etc. Then give all that to your attorney to submit to her attorney. You might get lucky, and he may not ask if you got a raise.
/r/Divorce_Men29/08/23 12:37 AM
1

Ask her if she wants to railed by the both of you. That might just upset her apple cart.
/r/Divorce_Men28/08/23 08:28 PM
1

Nail her one last time. Get it on video. In case OM doesn’t want to believe you.
/r/Divorce_Men28/08/23 08:25 PM
1

You’re going to have to do a little more time, sir. You need to lay the groundwork for the outcome you seek. VAR in your pocked around her at all times. Fake a break in at your house (a broken window is enough to be concerned) to get cameras up recording 24/7. Journal of what she does. Ramp up all activities with kids, keep them all in your phone, take a picture at every one so there’s metadata for proof. You should see a few lawyers now (the best ones in the area) to lock her out of hiring the …
/r/Divorce_Men28/08/23 08:17 PM
2

She had it all right now. Simp husband who gets pity sex, part time family so 50% freedom, boyfriend for the butterflies, plenty of attention, bills paid, and a variety of dick. That’s the life every woman wants today. Get the divorce done, Court decrees, keep plenty of evidence of the two of you, THEN send it to OM with a note … “She’ll never by yours, it’s just your turn. She did you behind my back, she did me behind yours, and she’ll move on to others.”
/r/Divorce_Men28/08/23 08:01 PM
3

No man of value wants his wife banging another guy, nature, or not.
/r/Divorce_Men28/08/23 07:20 PM
1

Right now you’re still a free man facing future child support. You marry her and your facing misery, future alimony AND child support, the holy trinity of a shitshow life. You already know this simply cannot last. Don’t do it.
/r/Divorce_Men27/08/23 04:39 PM
10

If I had to sum up why mine walked away it would be because I was not “emotionally available” enough for her. If I were to expand on that I’d say she herself was not emotionally with it, and the affair she had when the kids were 2.25 & 4.5 yrs old certainly never made me more emotionally Available as I was told I was “too big” and she was “too small”. So I spent 20 years afterwards keeping my mouth shut for her insecurities. And if I said something she didn’t like, I heard about it. But of cours…
/r/Divorce_Men27/08/23 06:39 AM
3

My ex- used to say “I have to be happy”. I used to tell her “You’re not happy unless you’re unhappy”.
/r/Divorce_Men27/08/23 06:22 AM
1

I’d say I spend most of two years post-divorce “lost”. You get used to a way of life and all of a sudden it all changes. Most of us men do the moving, as I sure did. Married acquaintances don’t really say much to you, and the wives are almost always stronger friends than the husbands, so that influences the post-breakup connections. As an introvert who can operate as an extrovert, it was hard having no one close to talk to, but at least I had a few good guy friends far away by phone. One of the …
/r/Divorce_Men26/08/23 08:37 AM
3

Women lie.
/r/Divorce_Men26/08/23 08:30 AM
1

Maybe you can get her to drink herself to 💀?
/r/Divorce_Men26/08/23 08:24 AM
1

When I was married we had a joint account. However neither of us cared to balance it so I just looked at the monthly statement & if it looked good that was good enough. We were never hurting for money.
/r/Divorce_Men26/08/23 08:17 AM
1

Someone once put up the link below. It was absolutely the definition of the two of us and our marriage. It brought me a lot of closure. Maybe it can help you? https://www.drpsychmom.com/2020/04/11/men-who-think-their-primary-value-is-being-a-workhorse/
/r/Divorce_Men24/08/23 07:33 PM
0

It’s been over now for 2 years. Don’t miss her. My time is mine. Little interest in dating. Don’t need that kind of ‘socializing’ again so I can be belittled & unappreciated.
/r/Divorce_Men21/08/23 04:07 PM
5

Right now there is a yuuuge shortage of lineman. I expect these guys are going to make major bank in the future and they’re paid pretty well now. FYI
/r/Divorce_Men20/08/23 10:37 PM
8

She’s “shopping” if she doesn’t have another guy now.
/r/Divorce_Men20/08/23 09:10 AM
2

This sounds like a time to crank Black Sabbath’s “Iron Man” pegged at 10 any time he comes over.
/r/Divorce_Men19/08/23 10:54 PM
1

Bro’, seriously, hookers would be way cheaper than this mess you’re in. You did not say if you married #2 woman and if you have not, DON’T!
/r/Divorce_Men19/08/23 10:52 PM
5

You traded off time, money & energy to be married. You’re going to trade off the same three to be divorced only this time the time is for you to rebuild. Go live your best life, as that is the best revenge.
/r/Divorce_Men19/08/23 10:45 PM
2

Washing windows. Trash cleanup. Yard work
/r/Divorce_Men18/08/23 10:51 PM
1

Pretty much. And you don’t allow them to be commingled with your marital assets, ever. So let’s say you have a brokerage account in a trust. She has no access to it. Don’t transfer money from it to a joint account, only an account in your name. If you have a house, put it in trust. Rent it. Let the rent pay the mortgage, taxes, etc. have a separate checking account only for the house. Fund it before marriage with money for remodels etc. Pay expenses only out if that account. Keep all receipts. N…
/r/Divorce_Men18/08/23 07:44 PM
1

I was only in their offices 2x.
/r/Divorce_Men18/08/23 01:57 AM
2

Motorcycles
/r/Divorce_Men18/08/23 12:31 AM
2

Ellsworth Family Law — Mesa, AZ Glenn Halterman 480-635-8700 You’ll be in good hands.
/r/Divorce_Men18/08/23 12:30 AM
5

If you go down this route, pre-nup or not (and the courts won’t always honor them), whatever you own now needs to go into a trust. Houses, land, whatever. Even brokerage accounts. You simply cannot commingle funds. Yes you might do it with paychecks, and perhaps buy a home together (that you’re willing to lose) but at least protect what you have now and hopefully that will grow outside of the marriage. I would also spend a few hundred now to discuss this with a lawyer in your state and find out …
/r/Divorce_Men18/08/23 12:13 AM
3

Have a VAR on at a minimum, and if possible wear a shirt where you can have your phone video recording the discussion just it case. Start it when you come thru the door, don’t stop it until one of you physically leaves the residence. Be sure the battery is charged. Do NOT tell her where you’ll be living. DO tell her for the time being to only email you and not call. Emails are forever. Make sure you have all necessary legal docs like birth certificates, passports, mortgage docs, etc.
/r/Divorce_Men17/08/23 08:36 AM
0

You sound young enough to get a good side hustle going for cash. Not to say you want to work 24/7 but there are things you can do that pay very well per hour where you can set the hours more or less. Washing windows, detailing cars, detailing boats, pet sitting are a few that come to mind. Build up a nest egg when you’re young ‘cause I can tell you when you get older like me you’ll not want to put in the hours.
/r/Divorce_Men17/08/23 08:24 AM
2

In such a circumstance, as the man, I would literally be saving every nickel until I had enough money to live the rest of my life in Thailand, Ecuador, Eastern Europe, Mexico, or any other cheap place. And then I’d just up and disappear forever. I personally consider lifetime alimony the same as slavery or indentured servitude, both of which are illegal in this country. Yet lifetime alimony is not?
/r/Divorce_Men16/08/23 10:02 PM
1

I believe we all “think” we know who we are until we do some serious long term introspection. I sometimes catch the “old me” saying something and realize how programmed I was in life. Trying to break that mold. I’d like nothing more than to have a pleasant, uncomplicated, low maintenance woman to share my life with. But from what I see the probability of that is highly remote. And while right after the divorce I might have grabbed anyone (but did not knowing that was a bad move), now I’m probabl…
/r/Divorce_Men16/08/23 09:50 PM
2

Will she stand by you later in life if you get sick? Doubtful. Will she leave if you stand up to her? Probably. So stand up for yourself. See a lawyer on the sly. Have all your finances with you. Figure out what an exit strategy would cost & what’s left over. Are you working or retired? You might need to retire & then get divorced. You might need to buy a 2nd home & change YOUR official residence to that one to file in a friendlier state. You certainly should plan your exit. You might have 20 mo…
/r/Divorce_Men16/08/23 07:49 PM
2

Married 31, together 35, divorced @ 61yrs old. Now 2+ years past it. For a while I was mentally lost. Took time to get my bearings again. I’m a “gotta find the answer” guy, and spent a good part of that time in self-introspection, coupled with lots of YouTube videos, websites, etc. Finally found the answer here, and I’ve been at peace since. What do I look forward to for the next 20 years? More peace. Some travel, maybe some grandkids half a country away, riding motorcycles, whatever suits my fa…
/r/Divorce_Men16/08/23 07:42 AM
2

I don’t think my ex- would ever be smart enough to know what she gave up, but I’m certainly smart enough to never take her back if she tried.
/r/Divorce_Men16/08/23 12:01 AM
1

I’m old. I was a latchkey kid at 6 with working parents. I don’t think it has any negative impact on me and if anything it was a positive for me. Much depends on the child, and the environment.
/r/Divorce_Men09/08/23 05:00 PM
3

Give her what she wants. Also try to find out if she has someone else so you can publicly Shane her if she gets out of control during divorce
/r/Divorce_Men07/08/23 10:55 PM
6

Oh yeah. I was supposed to watch my tone and my words, and if she got triggered she let me know it. At the same time I was supposed to be “emotionally available”. To be “emotionally available” one has to trust their partner yet a simply thing like being asked how a female friend of hers was doing in a group sport (poorly) was later reported back to the female friend by her. Zero filter, zero self awareness, zero retrospective analysis, but always my fault.
/r/Divorce_Men06/08/23 04:38 PM
1

My ex- and I used my attorney. We split our assets, I did all the work, the attorney did the boilerplate, and the ex- got slightly over 50% as I knew that would keep things from spinning out of orbit. “Our” boilerplate noted the same, and I told her I had instructed “my” attorney to answer any questions she had fully and truthfully. I had to walk her thru the legalese as drafted. We had no problems with that part whatsoever.
/r/Divorce_Men06/08/23 09:30 AM
2

Calling you a narcissist is simple blame shifting for her own actions. I’m quite sure my ex- has called me that and more. I’m also quite sure I’m about as far from a narcissist as one can get. Don’t let it bother you.
/r/Divorce_Men06/08/23 09:20 AM
4

If the courts would actually hold parties accountable for this nonsense they waste a whole lot less time dealing with it.
/r/Divorce_Men06/08/23 09:09 AM
2

I’m now only 26 months post breakup. I spent a good part of that time seeking to understand the “why” so I might never be tempted to repeat the same mistake. I’m just one of those guys who needs “the answer”. As a result, I 99.99% believe I’ll never marry again. Heck at this time I’m trying to motivate myself to try dating again. Life is so much simpler now. Wake/sleep/nap as I choose. Eat when/what I choose. Do or not do what I please. I can say the first 15-18 months was rough and kind of list…
/r/Divorce_Men06/08/23 09:07 AM
2

Perhaps you can claim abandonment.
/r/Divorce_Men04/08/23 07:37 PM
1

I won’t marry again unless she’s worth 10x what I got. And that ain’t gonna happen.
/r/Divorce_Men30/07/23 10:30 PM
12

You two deserve each other. Don’t get divorced.
/r/Divorce_Men28/07/23 11:50 PM
1

My ex- wanted the divorce, but like everything else I managed, I filed. Should have done it over a decade earlier. Wish I had done it b4 kids.
/r/Divorce_Men27/07/23 09:05 AM
1

Let me tell you something about dealing with creditors: 1) ANY money every month is better than NO money. If you owe say $250/mo, send $50. It’ll take them longer to hassle you. And if they do, you simply tell them “I’m in a divorce and what you get is the best I can do. Would you rather have zero?” Yes they’ll push, but you just keep repeating that. 2) if you get thru the divorce, and your income goes up before filing, you can personally negotiate a bunch of debt down to ~50% if you can pay off…
/r/Divorce_Men27/07/23 08:56 AM
1

It’s “funny”, but when my ex- called it, I told her friends were going to bend her ear with all kinds of bullshit. And that if she bought into that, she’d walk away with a lot less money as a result. We are in a 50/50 state but I had always been in control of the money (as she had no interest). Thus I made it blatantly apparent if she f’d it all up, I’d f her back for doing so. Our divorce was cheap and copacetic as a result.
/r/Divorce_Men25/07/23 05:23 AM
1

I don’t give a flying duck what she does anymore. This is a woman who, when I was sick, would actually get made at me. She’s got her life, I got mine. She wanted to be “friends” but I don’t choose self centered lying, cheating and abusive people to be my friends.
/r/Divorce_Men25/07/23 05:17 AM
1

If you seriously want to get married I’d do the following: 1) try to secure a personal residence, fully paid, prior to marriage, and put it in a trust. You can also have someone you trust 💯as a very small equity partner in the property to make any potential future forced sale that much more difficult. You have them sign over their interest in the property and get it notarized. Keep it in a safe deposit box. 2) research which states have the most equitable data divorce and child custody laws. Tha…
/r/Divorce_Men25/07/23 05:09 AM
1

You’re 20 yrs old. Cut your losses immediately. She is absolutely untrustworthy. If you think you can change this you can’t.
/r/Divorce_Men25/07/23 04:52 AM
1

“I’m sorry, but we simply cannot afford this with the impending divorce. It’s not financially prudent and an unnecessary expense.”
/r/Divorce_Men25/07/23 04:48 AM
1

Not surprising. Somehow merchant accounts just seem to migrate beyond credit card expiry dates etc. call credit card company and claim it’s a false charge & to block the merchant.
/r/Divorce_Men25/07/23 04:45 AM
2

Mine was a binge vodka drinker as well. Not often, but often to excess. My kids knew it. I put up with her embarrassing behavior at parties, replacing two car bumpers, not fixing a 1/4 panel she dented (all parking lot stuff), drunken meanness, etc. When did she finally stop? Not when I asked her or pointed out how bad she/we looked. Only when she thought it was affecting her heart. 💯selfish and self centered always.
/r/Divorce_Men25/07/23 04:36 AM
3

Do not go. Just tell your daughter you love her very much, but you would feel very uncomfortable there since your mom & you split. Tell her you would never ask her to be uncomfortable around other people she would rather not be around. If she does not understand tell her very emphatically that she will as she gets older, and you’ll show her your love at her 2nd birthday party — one you’ll consider a lot more special for the two of you.
/r/Divorce_Men25/07/23 04:28 AM
3

Gonna be sad for both of them when it falls apart… again. Then she’ll be even older, a 3x loser in marriage, and no even remotely sane guy will touch that.
/r/Divorce_Men25/07/23 04:22 AM
1

I’m not sure how it works in CAN, but in the US we have “contractors liens”. When a contractor does work on a building but does not get paid, the put a lien on the property. If they don’t get paid the lien just sits there. There’s no “reporting” to the property owner it’s been placed. If this is similar in CAN, try to get as many receipts together as possible. Even old credit card statements. Total them up, and lien the property. In the future when dad goes to sell, or even better, daughter goes…
/r/Divorce_Men25/07/23 04:20 AM
5

“You can’t always get what you want… but if you try sometimes you just might find… you get what you need.” She’s getting what she needs, only she don’t know it yet. ⏰
/r/Divorce_Men25/07/23 04:11 AM
3

You’re in the cellar of despair. Time to climb out. First: get a job, any job. You need money, structure & a sense of accomplishment at the end of the day. It doesn’t matter what you do, just do something. Second: get a cheap gym membership and go every day. You need to “clean up your act” physically & emotionally. Get a hot shower every day. Move some iron every day. This is also a place that, after a few weeks of being there every day, you’ll start to see the same people & possibly form some n…
/r/Divorce_Men25/07/23 04:07 AM
13

Mine did the same after 35 years together. She was a selfish shitty wife. She summed up 35 years with “we had a few good times”.
/r/Divorce_Men25/07/23 03:53 AM
2

Many years ago I built a lovely vacation home. Was always my dream. She almost never wanted to go there. Finally I sold it. No sense keeping it if we weren’t using it. This was after her affair when I decided I just needed less stress. Then I sold our home that she loved. We stayed together until she called it quits 2 years ago. Had she not been a liar & a cheat, we would have still had those two homes which today would sell for… ~$5MM. Mine still walked with multi-seven figures including a love…
/r/Divorce_Men25/07/23 03:49 AM
6

Carry a hidden VAR at all times. Hide one in her car, as you never know what you might discover
/r/Divorce_Men22/07/23 10:30 PM
2

Mexico is a lovely place if you can work remotely.
/r/Divorce_Men19/07/23 09:44 PM
1

It was honestly both our issues that started us down the road of destruction. I was not emotionally available, and her family model was a shitshow. Unfortunately her answer was to lie and cheat. Had she gone to see a therapist & figured out her own issues first, I’m quite confident we could have easily fixed mine. That said, once she blew up our marriage with the lying & cheating, even though in the end I held it together for the kids (really no regret in this area), it was basically irreparable…
/r/Divorce_Men19/07/23 09:39 PM
3

Been split now for two years. I haven’t been on a date in 1.5 years. Have not even been trying to date. Finally paid up for one site this weekend, spent a little time on it, and keep asking myself if I want to complicate my life like that. It’s all so simple now, just dog & I. Wake when I want, sleep when I want, do as I choose. Talking to a friend today who’s a widower. Now seeing his ex-HS gf in their 60’s. Starts telling me how good she is, but also how crazy she is at the same time. His last…
/r/Divorce_Men18/07/23 11:47 PM
1

Is she that crazy blond that was all over the net ? The one on the airplane about 7-10 days ago?
/r/Divorce_Men18/07/23 11:41 PM
4

They all say that. Even if they get 💯they’ll claim they got screwed.
/r/Divorce_Men18/07/23 04:45 PM
2

Wish mine had left hers. Easily worth $40k today
/r/Divorce_Men17/07/23 04:10 PM
1

I’d make sure that payment is a check with a memo such as “partial Aug payment early by request”. If you need it one day in court it’s contemporaneous data.
/r/Divorce_Men17/07/23 02:06 AM
1

Pre-nuptial contract?
/r/Divorce_Men15/07/23 06:04 AM
1

You may have it all recorded but do NOT share that recording. You can type up the conversation and share that, and she can deny it. But sharing the recording itself could leave you in some hot water depending on state laws.
/r/Divorce_Men14/07/23 10:58 PM
2

Right now don’t fight her on it. Tell her you’ll have the lawyer work on it. Meanwhile have the lawyer serve the clinic/bank with notice that you do NOT consent to her having any access whatsoever to YOUR viable embryo. (It is after all now 1/2 you). That notice should alert the clinic if they release it solely to her you will sue for unspecified damages.
/r/Divorce_Men14/07/23 10:54 PM
1

Tell lawyer you want imputed income in her. If she can make it it should count.
/r/Divorce_Men14/07/23 10:42 PM
4

Sent wife on a sports vacation to a famous island. She literally threw herself at some loser and they were sharing a bed in <1 week. She came back and was immediately different. She later mentioned she’d see a fellow player on a trip to visit friends in the Midwest who would be driving a couple hundred miles to “hang out”. That’s when the real emotional side began. She got even harsher after that trip, but I was looking forward to a parents only cruise off Florida. Meanwhile she was finding a wa…
/r/Divorce_Men14/07/23 10:35 PM
6

Be sure to have someone work up her imputed income based on degree, skills & experience.
/r/Divorce_Men11/07/23 05:10 PM
1

You BETTER be recording every physical interaction with this psycho. Hopefully on video but at least on audio.
/r/Divorce_Men11/07/23 01:53 AM
6

Good luck bro. Maintain composure.
/r/Divorce_Men11/07/23 01:36 AM
2

Time to live your life as you see fit. You lived her version and all you got was a hot mess. Don’t be her backup plan. Paul Simon’s song “50 ways to leave your lover” comes to mind here…
/r/Divorce_Men11/07/23 01:35 AM
2

Your best plan would be to get transferred or start a business in a more man-friendly divorce state.
/r/Divorce_Men11/07/23 01:28 AM
1

Women believe they are exceptional communicators. And with their gf’s they probably are, since crazy easily understands crazy. When it comes to men they expect us to read minds, moods, tea leaves whatever. Honest open communication rarely happens. My best guess it that they’re already building a case to leave by the time they drop subtle hints, and that’s their justification for what was already at least subliminally made up in their minds.
/r/Divorce_Men10/07/23 03:02 AM
7

You are in love with being in love with her. She quit. Many women quit during the “hard times”. Not very good at teamwork. Get used to the idea she’s never coming back. And would you really want her? Cut & run? Not willing to work on things with you? Bro we’ve all been there. Get your anger, frustration, whatever out in the gym on some weight plates. Surround yourself with other people. Right now you’re likely co-dependent. It’s a bad place to be. Stiffen up that upper lip, straighten up those s…
/r/Divorce_Men09/07/23 07:02 PM
20

Women are in love with the idea of BEING in love. They want and need the tingles & butterflies. Good chance even if you both thought you were great she’d leave again the next time she needed that dopamine hit.
/r/Divorce_Men09/07/23 06:57 PM
4

Drop me a PM for more info
/r/Divorce_Men09/07/23 06:53 PM
6

Mexico is a good option and close to the US.
/r/Divorce_Men09/07/23 06:22 PM
7

31 married, 35 together. She cheated at 10 years. I kept it together to save the kids but it never really recovered. Almost called it myself at 20 years due to emotional abuse. Split two years ago this month, divorced 1.5 years ago. Spent most of last two years reading stuff & watching YouTube videos to find the answer to our dysfunctional marriage. Someone here posted the link below and it brought me closure. Now I rarely think of her. I doubt I’ll even date again & certainly will never marry a…
/r/Divorce_Men09/07/23 06:14 PM
1

Everything “can” eventually be put in the court record. If she doesn’t want her infidelity broadcast, tell her that the price for backing down on the ridiculous claims.
/r/Divorce_Men09/07/23 06:08 AM
1

One your value is over it’s going to be nothing but lies & deceit so she can get the most leverage & most money. She not your friend, she’s really not your wife as a good wife would not do this. She’s a business partner whom you happened to have kids with and whom most court systems will accord unequal distribution of the assets. Right now you only look out for you. Whatever feelings you may still have will pass and you’ll see her for whom she really is & probably really was. Try to keep all com…
/r/Divorce_Men09/07/23 06:02 AM
2

That’s a joke, right? This isn’t an arms length real estate transaction, this is a settlement. She gets her “half” as current value, not some improved value.
/r/Divorce_Men06/07/23 10:42 PM
1

Can you get legal separation at this point? I’d certainly go for that. Alert credit bureaus to prevent her running up joint debt now that her jig is up.
/r/Divorce_Men06/07/23 05:30 PM
1

This is the correct take. Unless OP’s non-taxable income is from something like a family trust, it’s still community funds and she’ll have some claim to price appreciation. Going to be hard to not disclose a house.
/r/Divorce_Men06/07/23 05:07 PM
2

You were the “Beta bucks” guy. The stable one that filled the need. She really wants to chase the “Alpha f*cks” guys. The excitement of the bad boys. She lost all respect for you when she cheated on you. Cemented that when you took her back. (Been there, done this myself). You gave her a kid, a stable environment, filled the motherhood need, and in divorce you’ll fill the “paycheck” need so she can chase bad boys. Don’t be sad, be angry. Yes, you were an enabler because you knew you were her LAS…
/r/Divorce_Men05/07/23 08:32 AM
4

If she left once she’ll do it again. Start preparing now.
/r/Divorce_Men04/07/23 04:55 PM
8

Court & legal costs? Under $5k. Half of everything? Low 7 figures. Years if my life wasted on the wrong woman? 35. Never again. At least the kids were gone, and we ended up in a state where I could not be penalized.
/r/Divorce_Men04/07/23 04:50 PM
1

Put all funds in a Trust for him. He gets the funds at certain ages in life or sooner only if used to buy a personal residence that immediately goes into a trust as well.
/r/Divorce_Men02/07/23 08:57 PM
8

1) file a complaint directly with Internal Affairs 2) request a copy of the dispatch call 3) get phone records to see if she called him right b4 4) request IA get his phone records to see is she called him beforehand. There’s a good chance it was set up so he would be “in the area” at the time she called in. That kind of collusion should not only be looked on by the police dept, but by the court as well. I’d even ask the lawyer if you could file a lawsuit against the cop for violating your const…
/r/Divorce_Men02/07/23 08:53 PM
1

I’m adding: does she understand & respect boundaries come with a relationship? Are you willing to set and enforce those boundaries that will keep your relationship “safe”? If her idea of fun is girls night out and girls vacation to bars or Vegas, and won’t accept no…. Then drop her like a hot potato
/r/Divorce_Men02/07/23 08:49 AM
2

Sounds like a large weight has been lifted off your shoulders. You should be happy as it only could get worse
/r/Divorce_Men02/07/23 08:23 AM
2

This is an affirmation play. She gets to say “hey, I can still land a hot young dood! I must be damn hot!” Meanwhile he says to himself “man, this is fun! She puts out easier than girls my age and I don’t have to work at it!” It can never last.
/r/Divorce_Men02/07/23 08:18 AM
1

It’s somewhere though I have no idea where…
/r/Divorce_Men27/06/23 10:51 PM
2

Right now, assuming you can legally record her, I’d use your phone or a VAR to and catch he threatening to lie in court, discussing her drug addictions & usage, spending profligacy and anything else that may make you look better. It may or may not end up admissible in court, but if she accuses you of things you have not done you’ll have the evidence she is a liar and willing to perjure herself to the court. I’d also consider dragging things out now as much as possible to pay down as much debt as…
/r/Divorce_Men25/06/23 03:12 AM
1

If you’re looking for blind loyalty and love, get a dog. One can never depend on a female for those.
/r/Divorce_Men25/06/23 03:02 AM
18

Serious dick move. Call your lawyer to put a stop to this behavior ASAP
/r/Divorce_Men24/06/23 08:14 AM
1

Zero doubt.
/r/Divorce_Men23/06/23 07:51 PM
3

Get ‘er done. Time to move along.
/r/Divorce_Men23/06/23 03:56 AM
1

WA->AZ
/r/Divorce_Men22/06/23 09:19 PM
1

Only an attorney in your state can answer that. But you could start having back problems, or depression, and such issues often force people to retire early.
/r/Divorce_Men22/06/23 07:29 PM
4

Take up riding a motorcycle. That’s a reason to be away from the house for no other reason than just riding. Combine that new found passion with finding some new passion.
/r/Divorce_Men22/06/23 05:21 PM
2

Step 1: see an attorney & find out what you’re truly on the hook for Step 2: if it’s truly onerous try to find a way to relocate to a state that is not onerous. Or possibly a 2nd home in such a state may help you. Step 3: consider retiring early and if by doing so and waiting a couple years you’d legally be off the hook for alimony as you both would be retired with no income and no jobs. This is basically how my own divorce went down by happenstance. We moved several years back from a state wher…
/r/Divorce_Men22/06/23 05:20 PM
1

My father used to say “you can’t change people” and he was 💯correct. Change only comes from within and with lots of work. I doubt she’s done any work. Hard pass.
/r/Divorce_Men22/06/23 01:25 AM
1

You have to look at the odds and the marriage statistics. You also have to look at your own state laws. Then there is age of both of you to consider as well as if you will have children. The “biggest mistake” is both being legally married and having kids should you have a shitty partner. I’m old. I’ll never get remarried again, and I’m certainly having no kids. Would I enter a long term relationship? Yeah. But if it started looking really serious I would absolutely protect all my assets legally …
/r/Divorce_Men21/06/23 08:11 PM
18

She’s 38, he’s a 29 year old “bad boy”. He’s gonna “hit it and quit it” as soon as reality actually enters stage left. I’m sorry she’s so stoopid. Unless she’s built like Shakira this just ain’t gonna last. You can’t fix this one, but when it falls apart hopefully she’ll get the hint from you she’s not doing the kids any favors.
/r/Divorce_Men19/06/23 04:41 AM
1

Voice activated recorder
/r/Divorce_Men17/06/23 03:54 PM
3

1) lawyer up first; file first 2) protect all documents & finances 3) carry a VAR at all times in her presence 4) dissolution is best course if you can get it. Take advantage of her motivation immediately 5) gather as much evidence as possible 5) expose affair to all. Other wife deserves to know.
/r/Divorce_Men17/06/23 03:47 PM
2

1) lawyer up. Now. You have no idea of what shit she can pull on you. Give away nothing, offer nothing, and understand from here forward you really are nothing but a piggy bank or annuity stream. 2) be a bit realistic and ask yourself what she did to improve the relationship, if anything. Sure some relationships are unilaterally bad from one side, but it usually “takes two to tango”. 3) understand that everything you do going forward is for you and your kids. She no longer exists. She is NOT you…
/r/Divorce_Men17/06/23 09:39 AM
2

Better get STD tested.
/r/Divorce_Men15/06/23 08:07 PM
2

There’s no reason not to. But there’s no reason she won’t see your family money as also “hers”. Did you commingle funds? Did you have a separate stock account that existed prior to the marriage? Are there records of these gifts to back up your “claim” this is solely yours? From the outside in, it looks like you gave her what she wanted, the opportunity to fight for more assets where there is little downside whiles she gave you nothing. Right now your most important course of action is to ensure …
/r/Divorce_Men15/06/23 04:41 PM
1

Sooory no
/r/Divorce_Men15/06/23 04:32 PM
2

Well, my first guess is she is somewhere near family. As to finding her, if you know her cell number a cell phone data broker could pin this down most likely.
/r/Divorce_Men15/06/23 05:45 AM
6

I didn’t know my ex- had an identical twin you married.
/r/Divorce_Men13/06/23 11:57 PM
3

If anything just drag it out. Don’t tell her she’s cut off. Simply tell her until she lives up to 50/50 as agreed, you have no incentives to move forward with anything else.
/r/Divorce_Men13/06/23 06:55 PM
2

If no cell records, keep in mind things can be hidden in FB, Twitter messages, games like Words with Friends, WhatsApp etc.
/r/Divorce_Men13/06/23 06:50 PM
2

Cutting her off of all funds, especially with kids in play, is a bad move. You keep paying, but you don’t divvy assets until everything is settled. I’m sure she’s dying to get her hands on the cash. Let her die as long as it’s in the courts.
/r/Divorce_Men13/06/23 06:47 PM
1

I’d sue the CPA for the $1500 in small claims court. CPA unilaterally and without your knowledge or consent made a financial decision that you neither dictated or agreed to. As CPA was a fiduciary to both of you, they violated the trust you put in them. If they’re smart, they’ll just cut you the check. If not, beyond filing the small claims action report them to the local licensing or applicable authorities as well as the IRS if they happen to be an “enrolled agent”. If it were me, I’d write a p…
/r/Divorce_Men13/06/23 05:42 PM
3

You don’t mention kids. If none involved that’s the best. <10 years often eliminates need for any support. Live your best life!
/r/Divorce_Men13/06/23 05:30 PM
2

Bro, the probability of there being someone else is pretty high. For many women you’re like a wide receiver—only as good as the last pass you caught. All that stuff you did together? Yeah, it’s the past. I had 35 years with the same woman (who also lied & cheated on me when the kids were young). When she called it she literally summed up all our time together with the sentence “well we had some good times”. We brought two kids into the world, successfully raised & launched them. We took plenty o…
/r/Divorce_Men13/06/23 05:25 PM
5

Nooooo. Do not pay her before custody is settled. When she bitches about it just ignore it. Tell her your lawyer says everything on hold till parenting signed at 50/50.
/r/Divorce_Men13/06/23 05:07 PM
2

Maybe it’s time you play this game in reverse and start infringing on her time?
/r/Divorce_Men12/06/23 04:45 PM
1

Get the cell phone records for the past year. May or may not help you in no-fault state, but you might find an “affair” in there somewhere. Talk to lawyer and expose to all.
/r/Divorce_Men12/06/23 04:28 PM
15

My ex-W called it when I was 61, her 59. Feel free to reach out via PM if you want.
/r/Divorce_Men11/06/23 07:12 AM
5

Btw, if she is using her phone to take pics or record the inside of your place don’t he surprised if she’s trying to mount a return to court over quality of parenting on your part. You catch that on camera talk to a lawyer immediately.
/r/Divorce_Men11/06/23 02:08 AM
3

I might still have keys to my ex-wife’s home, but I have so many keys around who knows. I’d never enter her premises again, even if invited to a party there. And I most definitely paid for that home. She does not have keys to my place, nor will she ever. And even though we agreed to watch each others pets, and I did do for her in the past, I would never ask her to watch mine. I’ll get a neighbor to do so. I don’t know how old your kids are, but if they’re somewhere around 10yrs or older by now t…
/r/Divorce_Men11/06/23 02:05 AM
7

Again, in this world men are always the bad guys and any allegations she makes against you will be given far more weight than anything you say. It’s more important you protect yourself. You might get lucky and have her on tape saying she’ll tell CPS you’re a blah blah blah and she is going to make you pay or whatever. Absolutely get your expensive personal stuff out of the home. And your child may be your most precious asset, but the anti-male Court system may not see things your way. Lawyer up …
/r/Divorce_Men11/06/23 01:44 AM
8

Either 1) she wants you back & using these excuses as opening gambits to restart a relationship, 2) she has serious control issues and uses these to prove to herself she still has control over you, 3) has zero understanding of appropriate boundaries or 4)she’s selfish, nosey, and wants to ensure you’re not seeing anyone. None of this is a properly functioning adult action. It does not cost too much to set up and start monitoring with a SimpliSafe home alarm. You can add a few cameras. You might …
/r/Divorce_Men11/06/23 01:35 AM
9

1) gather evidence. Even in a “no fault” state you want something concrete to back you up. 2) retain a lawyer, especially with a child involved. 3) do not abandon the marital property, rented, family or otherwise. 4) get a VAR (voice activated recorder) and record every interaction with her. 5) theoretically you could move with your child as you are a parent, and likely in whatever state you live in you “could” be fine. However she also could accuse you of being a (pick any negative adjectives) …
/r/Divorce_Men11/06/23 01:04 AM
2

You do not leave equity with her. Life is uncertain. Prices of assets are uncertain. Especially if she initiated this, she should live with the consequences.
/r/Divorce_Men11/06/23 12:54 AM
1

Mine with more than 20x that. I’m still alive.
/r/Divorce_Men09/06/23 04:02 PM
2

Her problem now, not yours. She can make all the noise she wants, but you hold the trump card. She wants to get married, and you’re in the way. No need to bow to her demands whatsoever
/r/Divorce_Men08/06/23 08:12 AM
1

My ex- was so clueless I had to do a basic budget of her expenses for her, and tell her what she might expect to earn conservatively and how tight her budget would be until some assets sold. I’m fairly certain one of her gf’s sent her to a firm that put her into a bunch of annuity products just before inflation & rates kicked up. No bueno, but not my problem. I’m invested in a bunch of high divvy MLP’s & Pfd stocks. Don’t know about her but money is not an issue for me.
/r/Divorce_Men08/06/23 08:09 AM
1

Ex- wanted to talk to an attorney. Had to wait weeks for a zoom call. I spoke with a guy who highly Rey his, and saw that attorney the next day. We both ended up using just my attorney for an “amicable” divorce. Ex- was going to leave state for a few months so atty expedited filing papers in < 2 weeks and we signed. I worked on asset division, gave to attorney, they plugged into boilerplate. Some errors in there that I fixed. (Never dealt with an attorney where I wasn’t fixing their work.) State…
/r/Divorce_Men08/06/23 08:02 AM
1

Spend a little time on YouTube watching videos on “narcissistic personality disorder”, not narcissism.
/r/Divorce_Men07/06/23 05:35 AM
3

In the sisterhood no sister can do wrong.
/r/Divorce_Men07/06/23 05:24 AM
1

Take this time to prepare for the emotional shitstorm about to come your way. Get together all financials that will be necessary for the divorce, get your exit plan in place, open an individual savings/checking account, sequester essential documents in a safe deposit box, etc etc.
/r/Divorce_Men07/06/23 05:20 AM
1

Amen
/r/Divorce_Men07/06/23 05:14 AM
2

You will need her to sign off that she acknowledges there is no claim on the new purchase as community property. A lawyer can supply this for you, I would not do this yourself.
/r/Divorce_Men06/06/23 01:41 AM
2

👆👆👆 This.
/r/Divorce_Men05/06/23 03:49 AM
2

It’s now time to look out for you. As much as you want to remain in your kids lives she has ensured you will not by being imprisoned. You need to stiff her even further and build up a small nest egg for a ‘great escape’. You’ll do no one any good from a jail cell, especially yourself. Siphon off as much money to you as possible, buy gold coins at a coin shop, and literally bury them somewhere. Much like the “hidden treasure” Morgan Freeman digs up in “The Shawshank Redemption”. At some point you…
/r/Divorce_Men04/06/23 05:03 PM
2

And if you don’t get one, you could pay and pay and pay for years to come.
/r/Divorce_Men04/06/23 05:04 AM
2

Good for you bro. It’s just time to get it done.
/r/Divorce_Men04/06/23 12:13 AM
3

Been there, done that. Feel free to reach out via pm if you want.
/r/Divorce_Men03/06/23 04:09 AM
2

I tell everyone I have zero social media but I actually use this and one other.
/r/Divorce_Men03/06/23 04:06 AM
2

When I was younger I always used to say “all they can say is ‘no’, and if she does, it’s her loss, not mine”.
/r/Divorce_Men03/06/23 04:02 AM
6

Look, I like to say “everybody sells”. Want a job? Gotta sell yourself to the person doing the hiring. Want a raise? Gotta sell the boss on your value. Most “selling” is not overt, it’s really “relationship building”. Not good at that? Start practicing on pretty much every stranger. The cashier at the convenience store, the shelf stocker at the grocery store, the barista, whoever. Put a smile of your fact and ask every one of them a few questions: “How you doing today? Busy? Bet you can’t wait t…
/r/Divorce_Men03/06/23 03:59 AM
2

Get a motorcycle.
/r/Divorce_Men03/06/23 03:49 AM
0

Does any male EVER know a woman’s state of mind?
/r/Divorce_Men03/06/23 03:45 AM
8

I don’t know if my ex- is trying to “reach out to me”, but a few months ago she wanted to hug me when she hadn’t seen me in many months. She’s also called a few times with stupid questions. My responses are always brief and to the point. I’m not sure she really has a conscience but if she does I think she’s trying to assuage herself that she’s a “good person”. She is not.
/r/Divorce_Men03/06/23 03:41 AM
1

Don’t feel bad bro’, mine walked with over 100x that amount.
/r/Divorce_Men03/06/23 03:37 AM
1

Voice activated recorder
/r/Divorce_Men30/05/23 06:44 PM
1

From hence forward carry a VAR. 24/7. Check your state laws to see if you are one or two party state. She may set you up for domestic violence charges, or similar
/r/Divorce_Men30/05/23 06:21 PM
8

I’m one of the few in here that actually went thru an “amicable divorce”. But I’m convinced that it only went that way because she absolutely knew if she tried anything else she’d have ended up with far less and no way to prove otherwise. When my ex- announced it, I was surprised (though I should have paid better attention) and pissed. After looking up my states divorce laws (in general) for where we were I knew there would be no alimony on my part, without telling her I’d done some fast researc…
/r/Divorce_Men30/05/23 01:47 AM
1

I should add that it’s really not worth fighting over furniture & the like unless it’s high end stuff. Do make sure you have any family stuff ready to go, along with some kid pics.
/r/Divorce_Men29/05/23 09:05 PM
1

As you have not yet filed you may also want to physically take any important documents for safe keeping including Childrens birth certificates and put them in a safe deposit box. If she has any thoughts at all of taking off with the kids out of the country this would severely cramp that action. Plus there is no reason you should not have custody v. her. You could press the issue and actually take the proceeds of your condo sale and pray the court does not make you give some of it up. Ask your la…
/r/Divorce_Men29/05/23 09:03 PM
2

You seem to be covering the bases well. As you have a joint account and the funds were commingled, no reason you cannot move 50% right now. If you wait, she might move 100%. And while the court would probably give you back your 50%, it could take time. If you were to get chased out of the house that money could become crucial to you.
/r/Divorce_Men29/05/23 07:44 PM
1

Voice activated recorder
/r/Divorce_Men28/05/23 04:24 PM
7

Grey rock. No response. Just ignore her.
/r/Divorce_Men28/05/23 06:16 AM
2

I never used to spend time here myself. Just kind of wandered in and thought maybe my analytical, emotionally grieving self, could help out. In the end, another poster put up an article link that truly completed my “journey” back. One never knows from whence they’ll get an answer or inspiration
/r/Divorce_Men28/05/23 06:05 AM
2

You don’t want to add that. It implied you’re pushing that idea. You hope she’s stupid enough to impeach herself over her past actions on her own.
/r/Divorce_Men27/05/23 02:24 PM
24

Via text: “Your filing a false police report on me precludes me from EVER showing up at the house to pick up the kids. We can only meet in a ‘safe zone’ which includes a police station, fire station, or similar. I will not risk jail time again due to your actions.” BTW, I would get and wear a body cam for any exchanges or other interaction with her.
/r/Divorce_Men27/05/23 01:30 AM
1

I have “resources”. My home now is amazingly the very same home model as that of my ex-, though not as nice inside. My life will barely change.
/r/Divorce_Men26/05/23 07:38 PM
1

Deleted every one but a few with the kids in them.
/r/Divorce_Men26/05/23 04:32 PM
3

If you’re still living together I’d have a VAR on all the time. Catch every crazy word in case she calls the cops on you with false charges. As to not working with you, dragging the clock to be well past 10 years in CA in her favor. Your only bargaining chip is to text her the following: “Everything we cannot agree to on our own goes thru the lawyers. Every hour of their combined time is $600 (I’m guessing here, prolly more). If you think you’re punishing me by running up the bills keep in mind …
/r/Divorce_Men25/05/23 01:52 AM
2

31 is that number where women are feeling the pressure to hurry up and marry to crank out the kids. The clock is ticking louder daily.
/r/Divorce_Men25/05/23 01:42 AM
11

My ex-wife used to use phrases like “well if I’m not happy…” or “I have to be happy”. There was never a “we” in there, just a “me”.
/r/Divorce_Men25/05/23 01:33 AM
6

You’re already spending your life alone.
/r/Divorce_Men24/05/23 05:01 AM
6

Here’s something you must understand to make the therapist not see you as combative or difficult. You cannot accuse her of things. You cannot say “Well you did…and you said…”. Every issue you bring up is to be brought up as when she did/does X, I feel…”. Accusations ease the tension, feelings are hard to invalidate.
/r/Divorce_Men24/05/23 04:59 AM
4

If your marriage dissolved because you were a cheater, a physical abuser, a drunk, a perpetual stoner or the like, okay. If you can look yourself in the mirror and say to yourself “I was a good man”, then don’t you dare blame yourself. Marriage is a complex union that can have plenty of fault on both sides. If the communication is failing, or like in my marriage stifled to as not to offend buttercup, then there clearly were issues on both ends that neither party was properly addressing. Remember…
/r/Divorce_Men24/05/23 04:52 AM
1

One of the best YouTube channels is “huMAN”. Start with his video entitled “she can’t love like that”. His long videos tend to be too long, but his shorter 7-12 minute ones include some real eye opening gems.
/r/Divorce_Men24/05/23 04:44 AM
7

Unless it is state law, do NOT tell her. Better to save it for the cops & court.
/r/Divorce_Men23/05/23 06:47 PM
1

You don’t need them all, just the best ones around.
/r/Divorce_Men22/05/23 07:40 PM
13

My ex-, when we married, said “there will never be a divorce”. At year 10 she launched in an affair that nearly killed me but I kept it together for our young kids, whom she surely would have destroyed. At year 32 she got her divorce she wanted. I let her have her way the vast majority of the time. But I was not “emotional(ly available)” enough to her. No chit, when I can’t trust you and I and whatever I need always comes last, how can you expect an emotional relationship. So she hits me with it…
/r/Divorce_Men22/05/23 07:38 PM
13

Time to drop a VAR in her car. She’s probably cheating on you and looking to catch you o you because the “excuse “ for her. Don’t tell her you found the camera, just okay along.
/r/Divorce_Men21/05/23 12:59 AM
17

So a quick little story for you. I knew another couple where he was the house, husband, and she was the breadwinner. He basically took care of the kids, she basically made all the money. They went to divorce court, he got all the things that a woman would get, and she paid up for them. Later, my ex-wife Was telling me that her friend got screwed in divorce court. I looked at her and told her that her friend did not get screwed, she got treated like every man who has gone through divorce court. N…
/r/Divorce_Men20/05/23 07:42 PM
1

The only thing you will ever disclose, is what your attorney allows you to discuss. Do not make any assumptions. Just let the attorney do what you are paying them to do. Do not worry about her being mad or unhappy, as she is already unhappy. You just have to protect yourself and that is what your attorney is there to do.
/r/Divorce_Men20/05/23 07:34 PM
2

The simple answer is, “I am sorry, but I will not fill anything out prior to talking to my own counsel.“ That should be sufficient. If she complains, tell her the counsel you spoke to by phone, told you to do nothing until you met with him.
/r/Divorce_Men20/05/23 07:29 PM
1

Then save yourself legal fees. Have your lawyer send theirs an email that says to the effect “My client will not entertain and offers that are not in the realm of a 50/50 split. Be aware and such proposals will be ignored and without response.”
/r/Divorce_Men20/05/23 02:09 AM
2

Nice! I have friends with a mini dachshund. Never would have considered such a dog in the past but that one really warmed my heart to the breed.
/r/Divorce_Men18/05/23 03:38 PM
10

And make sure if you live in a small area you definitely see all the best lawyers there, precluding her from engaging any of them.
/r/Divorce_Men18/05/23 03:14 PM
1

When you get a dog consider your current and future lifestyle. It’s a long commitment. Breed personality, size, grooming costs, breed history of medical issues, etc. I’ve had 6 dogs of 5 breeds over 30 years. In my 60’s now, my next dog, if there is one when the current one passes, will be small enough to take on a motorcycle or leave with someone. Few people like watching big dogs. Some dogs are great home alone, some get bored and highly destructive. Puppies take time & training & patience. Re…
/r/Divorce_Men18/05/23 03:04 PM
10

If you love your kids you’re just not gonna do this. Instead of channeling your grief into sadness & negatively, channel them into “fight mode”. You’re going to fight for them and their sake. They deserve and need a father. Society seems to promulgate that men are unnecessary but show me kids who grow up without a father in their life and I’ll show you people missing serious emotional & logical connection in life. Your family was your world, your wife blew it up. Your kids are still your world. …
/r/Divorce_Men17/05/23 11:43 PM
2

I was a good husband. When the crazy wife “called it” I was pissed but whatever. I immediately researched our state (AZ) laws and realized there was no way she could get alimony. She make some random comment about looking out for her “interests”. I told her “there won’t be any alimony”. Instead of saying “of course not” as there were plenty of assets to divide up, she ignored the comment. What she did not realize us while I had not worked in 10 years, she had a recently expired professional lice…
/r/Divorce_Men17/05/23 04:44 PM
1

Motorcycles will make you feel alive, providing you’re not running, say, the freeways of LA. People rarely mention target archery but it’s a fun way to get out frustrations on “killing” a target 🎯 without hurting anyone. And once you’re all set up, you’re all set up for a very long time. Learning a new language with, say, Duolingo (I use it) is a fun distraction. Don’t rule out volunteer work with a worthy cause, and it sets a positive example for the kid(s).
/r/Divorce_Men16/05/23 08:50 PM
1

Start with what?
/r/Divorce_Men15/05/23 07:24 PM
2

I cut both my sons off when the time came. One post college (that like you, I paid for with expenses though he worked for more money too), and the other as soon as he got his first job. In fact, we literally moved away from our sons ensuring that they would have to make it on their own. I know you want to spoil your “baby”, but what good do you do her if you stroke out from stress after not taking care of you? I’m all for helping the kids — if needed. But I’m also for them stepping up and enteri…
/r/Divorce_Men15/05/23 02:57 AM
2

Don’t set up a ‘failure to launch’. Set the groundwork now that after senior year the tap is turned off.
/r/Divorce_Men15/05/23 01:23 AM
2

I know Uruguay very well. If you want to live like a poor local, it can be reasonably cheap. If you want to live like an American it’s more expensive than here for less offerings.
/r/Divorce_Men15/05/23 01:21 AM
3

Duolingo every day my man!
/r/Divorce_Men14/05/23 08:28 PM
3

Ok, look, once your daughter is covered for the last year of college, beyond a roof over her head afterwards, you have done (more than) your part. You are being a dutiful workhorse for the women in your family. I doubt either of them understands or cares about the toll it is taking on you. Someone put the link below up on this forum. I saw myself in it, and I’d venture youre in there too: https://www.drpsychmom.com/2020/04/11/men-who-think-their-primary-value-is-being-a-workhorse/ As to being a …
/r/Divorce_Men14/05/23 08:24 PM
1

Relationships need and deserve respect. Do you feel respected? That answer is your answer.
/r/Divorce_Men14/05/23 03:09 AM
2

You sound “co-dependent”. Go watch some YouTube videos on that. I was sort of like that. Took me over a year to figure it out, almost two to get over it, and moving (including out of the house she kept in the split) my shit 4+ times. Listen to the man above. And you should also listen to some of the various “cheating” stories/channels on YouTube to better understand female nature. Helped me a lot.
/r/Divorce_Men13/05/23 08:13 PM
6

More than a particular city, you need a social network. The best way to do that would be to get into a “planned” community—be it a rental tower with loads of amenities, or an actual neighborhood with a community center that offers up lots of activities where you can meet others. Even if who you meet us married, they’ll have friends who are not and your best relationships will be made in person, not off a dating app. Personally I’d never want to live in Vegas, but I’ve lived in Seattle & PHX metr…
/r/Divorce_Men13/05/23 08:03 PM
7

Don’t go to Bellingham. You’ll hate the weather and “the freeze” exists in all of western WA.
/r/Divorce_Men13/05/23 07:34 PM
8

Scorched earth. If for no other reason that the false charges.
/r/Divorce_Men12/05/23 12:51 PM
1

I literally lost my isht one night when I told her it was time to end the BS and she whined back at me “But I live him SO much!!!”. I ripped her a new a-hole so big the Grand Canyon would have been jealous. It broke “the fog”. She mentally decompensated into a child and curled up in a corner. I put her to bed, went to my own BR downstairs. The next morning it was like she awoke to reality again.
/r/Divorce_Men12/05/23 05:51 AM
5

When my now ex- wanted to divorce over two decades ago, when the kids were young & I was building a thriving business, because she thought she found the man of her dreams, I told her… It all fucking stops at that point. I’ll walk into work, let all the employees go (my competitors would have picked them up within a week), fry the servers, and go to jail. In return she and her new man can start with no house, cause that’ll get repo’d, my kids will have no dad as I’ll be in jail, and she’ll never …
/r/Divorce_Men10/05/23 04:23 PM
1

Goes to “character” in the court, as well as evidence of instability should she pull similar shyt again. Plus let her stew over a lawsuit for her actions. Might dissuade her next attempt.
/r/Divorce_Men09/05/23 06:30 PM
11

I would get a copy of her 911 call, and file suit against her. Don’t let that go away. Make it part of the divorcé process and claim she is emotionally unfit to have the kids.
/r/Divorce_Men09/05/23 04:47 PM
1

Body cam. Voice activated recorder.
/r/Divorce_Men09/05/23 12:30 AM
1

File. First. NOW. She will appreciate absolutely nothing nice you do. The idea she expects 75% already is a warning that you’re nothing but a bank account now.
/r/Divorce_Men08/05/23 10:40 PM
1

If you have not ridden in a while please don’t get a huge bike like a Harley Road Glide.
/r/Divorce_Men08/05/23 12:19 AM
2

I deleted every pic of my ex- off my phone that did not have one of my kids in it. Otherwise they’re all gone. Maybe half a dozen left. Why? She summed up 35 years together with “well we had a few good times”. That’s all 35 years meant to her. Then again her life was always about having “good times”. I married a woman with the emotional maturity of a teenager and it never changed.
/r/Divorce_Men07/05/23 05:45 PM
1

Get yourself a motorcycle. Then start doing long day trips. Transition thst to weekend trips, then week long trips.
/r/Divorce_Men07/05/23 05:40 PM
1

We had 35 years together, 31 married. It’s been 22 months since she called it & 16 since papers were signed. I’ve had many a conversation with myself in my head over that time. I’ve done a bunch of reading, viewing, etc. I made some personal life mistakes (don’t include her) over that 22 months. I won’t say all the anger is gone, but I will say that I’m finally feeling in control of myself and highly optimistic. YMMV
/r/Divorce_Men07/05/23 05:28 PM
5

I only refer to her as the ex-… she who shall not be named.
/r/Divorce_Men04/05/23 04:39 PM
7

NO cash payments to her. Only checks with a note in the memo line “child support” or similar.
/r/Divorce_Men04/05/23 01:18 AM
9

You’re not the first guy to feel that way. Most of us here feel that way. This too shall come to pass.
/r/Divorce_Men03/05/23 06:59 PM
12

You are nothing but a paycheck.
/r/Divorce_Men03/05/23 06:07 PM
7

Chad & Tyrone were the attraction. You were the dependable one. She obviously needs chaos instead.
/r/Divorce_Men03/05/23 06:01 PM
24

Demand a psych evaluation, go for 100% custody, full gloves off time.
/r/Divorce_Men03/05/23 03:13 PM
3

They are going to lie. Get used to it.
/r/Divorce_Men02/05/23 02:13 AM
9

The last thing anyone needs in retirement is a “big house” unless it’s something like a lake house where you plan to have lots of visits from kids & grandkids. I know ONE couple who did that (they bought), and only one. I’d “test the waters” by saying you like where you live, but would consider a small condo near her family as you envision your golden years not just hanging with her family. Though this may be a problem if the weather is significantly better by her family than where you live now.…
/r/Divorce_Men02/05/23 01:36 AM
7

Sounds like it’s time to go before things get worse
/r/Divorce_Men01/05/23 06:56 PM
1

I “lost my isht” on my ex- exactly 2x in 35 years together. The second time was on the phone when she acknowledged that she was blatantly lying to all her friends (my acquaintances) that our divorce was a mutual decision. I then texted to remind her of all the ishtty things she did during our marriage. I’m quite sure she was not showing her friends that text. In this gynocentric world where the sisterhood always sticks together, I’m not sure anything truly bad ever happens to them. No real comeu…
/r/Divorce_Men01/05/23 03:51 PM
1

Anything by Tom Clancy or Vince Flynn is fun.
/r/Divorce_Men01/05/23 03:23 PM
1

Invisible? Not necessarily. However I’ve found as the now single man in his 60’s Im definitely going to have to work on building more & new relationships. Most of those went with my ex- as I’m more introvert leaning. However it’s no one’s job to “rescue” me. Men do the rescuing in the world. You just have to learn to rescue yourself.
/r/Divorce_Men01/05/23 03:21 PM
1

The sunroom area of “our” house needed fixing, and the wife wanted the decking resurfaced. Of course all before she blew our marriage up. Total cost maybe $12k. I told her I was going to put that on her side of the ledger for asset division but in the end did not as we we’re getting through the divorce with minimal drama. So it cost me ~$6k, but I’d had use of the house for a few years with her as well and these were general maintenance items. While I doubted fighting over the $6k would have rui…
/r/Divorce_Men01/05/23 12:44 PM
5

👊 yup, NPD mom, ex- from a f’d family and self absorbed. Lots of me and her in there.
/r/Divorce_Men01/05/23 12:35 PM
3

You don’t note where you live so hard to comment on the home price. That said, Zillow et al have democratized pricing data if property. This makes it easy for you to research home sales prices pre-realtor. In some places it’s better to fix everything, in others it’s better to drop the price accordingly. A good realtor should not only be able to tell you as much, but also be prepared to stage your house accordingly. As to attorneys, well, it’s all time. You have some control there. Tell them any …
/r/Divorce_Men30/04/23 06:09 AM
2

Oh my. So she wants the house, but you never see your kids again because you her her after she destroyed your marriage with another guy? Yeah, no. Sell.
/r/Divorce_Men30/04/23 02:09 AM
11

Ok, so SHE destroyed your family. Your life, your kids lives, will never be the same. She was servicing some guy under the roof you paid for. Where is HER accountability for all that happened? What is her downside? This is nothing more than female manipulation. Tell her you’ll sell it to her “new man”, whom I’m sure can’t afford it, and her. You may have f’d up, but she kept you out of jail because you’re worth more to her out than in, and that’s the simple truth. What’s worse is IF you do anyth…
/r/Divorce_Men30/04/23 02:03 AM
13

I did a couple dates during the first few months of post filing. That was a mistake. Now divorced over 14 months and haven’t even tried to date. No longer care. Better to focus on yourself.
/r/Divorce_Men28/04/23 06:15 PM
148

Bro’, everything that took you to the top is still in you, you’ve just buried it. At 52, in todays world, you’re not old. And this “ghost in the world” thing, yeah, well, all men are ghosts is this world nowadays. You need a plan. You need some goals. You got at least one friend left in the world? Tap that person for help. If not tap me via DM. My personal suggestion is find the cheapest gym you can join monthly and do it. Get a workout in, and more importantly get your hygiene back. A hot showe…
/r/Divorce_Men28/04/23 05:28 AM
2

Either the issues are out in the open, and he has seen them so some time, or you both do a good job of burying them from his public view. If he’s seen them, he already has some idea of who is who in the relationship. If you’ve buried them from public view, bringing them up now won’t really help you and may hurt you.
/r/Divorce_Men25/04/23 11:05 PM
2

Get back in the BR. Tell her she’s so unhappy she can have the basement. I rolled over plenty for my ex-. Never again.
/r/Divorce_Men20/04/23 10:52 PM
2

My ex- wanted to be “friends”. Nope, not going there. Being “friends” means she’ll try to used. She already used me all up. Done with that.
/r/Divorce_Men19/04/23 11:35 PM
1

If you think you’re going to get hosed in a future divorce, slowly siphon money off and buy gold coins at a coin shop in small quantities for cash. Easy to store, transport & hide. Untraceable if you do your siphoning right. I never bothered to do as much, but if I had a BPD 2BX I most certainly would.
/r/Divorce_Men19/04/23 11:15 PM
2

My ex- and I did our own divorce. Or I guess I should say I did it. I got a lawyer who handled all the boilerplate & filings ($3800 total). I did all the asset divisions. She had the ability to have input but I literally did all the valuations etc. I gave her a lower than market value on the house, so she was immediately a bit ahead there. Her jewelry (“gifts”) probably put her another $70k ahead. And I told her the law says she gets half, but if she went out of her way to try and f with me I wo…
/r/Divorce_Men19/04/23 11:06 PM
3

Mine summed up our total 35 years together with “well we had some good times”. Also said “you remember everything, I have a memory Liske a sieve.” Yeah right, she doesn’t want to remember all the shitty things she did in our marriage because then she’ll have to be accountable for them. I doubt there will ever be any “crawling back” here. He got plenty of “cash & prizes” plus a community of friends to keep her busy. But if life truly were fair, lightning would strike her.
/r/Divorce_Men18/04/23 01:47 PM
3

Go see EVERY recommended lawyer for initial consult immediately just to tie her up from being able to use any of them.
/r/Divorce_Men13/04/23 11:02 AM
2

Women “settle” because anything less than Chad and the magical 6’s (6’+ tall, 6”+ long, 6+ figures income) is “settling”. Wait until she gets “out there” and finds the only guys who want her want to simply blow her back out and leave.
/r/Divorce_Men13/04/23 11:01 AM
4

Don’t think of her getting some other guy, think of the nightmare some other guy will get in a pretty pink wrapper.
/r/Divorce_Men13/04/23 10:57 AM
9

When we got divorced my ex- claimed that two of her gf’s got screwed in their divorces. Which was not true. One dragged her husband out for a combined $125k in legal bills over things the two of them could have easily worked out themselves. The other was the breadwinner, the husband a stay at home dad, and the court treated him like a wife. I have no idea what mine has told her old gf’s but we did our own divorce, she got her multi-seven figure half of what we had, and didn’t have to move or lif…
/r/Divorce_Men13/04/23 10:45 AM
4

I long ago decided that the day I can no longer wipe my own ass I’ll “check myself out”. I watched my mother die @ 92.5 yrs old. Mind wasted, body wasting away, stuck in a wheelchair, and kept on “happy pills” so she would not assault the staff. Didn’t even know who I was, and the rest of the family had no desire to see her. I have no fear of dying someday, I only hope I’m mentally cognizant to make the choice.
/r/Divorce_Men12/04/23 12:07 AM
1

If you’re not recording some of these sessions you should be. Especially berating in front of the kids.
/r/Divorce_Men12/04/23 12:03 AM
1

I literally did my settlement with my ex- on an excel spreadsheet. We both agreed to it, I divvied it all up, and the court rubber stamped it. You should not need anything “special”.
/r/Divorce_Men31/03/23 06:03 AM
1

Is there a basement you can live in? A room with a separate exit you can lock off from the rest of the house other than to step out for the bathroom? You could literally grill all your food and eat off paper plates w/o a kitchen if need be. I’d suggest you get a VAR (voice activated recorder) and keep that baby ON and in your pocket anytime you are home.
/r/Divorce_Men31/03/23 05:35 AM
4

Mine was amicable but before it started I looked at her and (as I had not worked in over 12 years) told here “there won’t be any alimony”. I had already looked up the state laws. Instead of saying “yeah”, she just ignored my comment. What she didn’t realize was if you tried something I had a far greater chance of getting alimony from her as she was still highly employable. I then literally did ALL the work to divide our assets. She did absolutely nothing. I moved out, moved all my stuff while sh…
/r/Divorce_Men31/03/23 05:18 AM
9

Lifetime alimony is really indentured slavery
/r/Divorce_Men31/03/23 05:09 AM
3

You know that song is about the bands bass player moonlighting with another band, right?
/r/Divorce_Men31/03/23 04:19 AM
1

My ex- had SOOO many red flags. But back then there was no Reddit, no YouTube, no manosphere. I had no brothers or older friends to warn me. I’ll never consider marriage again. I’m still on the fence about considering dating.
/r/Divorce_Men31/03/23 03:00 AM
1

Identify? Hoo boy…
/r/Divorce_Men25/03/23 06:15 AM
1

I would absolutely have a pocket voice recorder running all the time if I were you.
/r/Divorce_Men25/03/23 05:07 AM
1

I told my ex- state law was she gets 50% and that’s what she got. Grown kids, older couple here. I also told her there’s no alimony from me (neither of us was working), but if she f’d with me I guaranteed she would not get 50% and would have no way to prove otherwise. She got her 50%. What she didn’t know was that as a licensed professional in a career that has a shortage of labor, had she tried to F with me I would have had my attorney go after Her for alimony! 🤣
/r/Divorce_Men25/03/23 05:04 AM
1

Ask your second attorney to provide you a letter stating they withdrew from your case for personal reasons. Have it with you at court and provide a copy to current attorney.
/r/Divorce_Men25/03/23 04:50 AM
1

You’re losing the familiar. It’s tough to give up what’s familiar and move down. Been there, done that. My advice is get some goals and a plan to get what you actually want. Challenge yourself to get back to where you were in a different location. We men do better when we have a focal point. Divorce is going to be a crushing slog, especially with two kids and in NY no less. You’re going to need a focus and friends to lean on.
/r/Divorce_Men25/03/23 04:47 AM
6

I’m male, coming up on almost two years post D-day, and ~ 16 months post finalized divorce. The very first woman I took on a date would have been a winner for me, but I was clearly not a winner myself at the time. Personally, for the first time in many decades I was completely lost. As an introvert who functions well in an extrovert world, my ex- was mostly my social calendar & coordinator. Now I had no social life. Like many men, I was used to the familiar. Now nothing was familiar. I moved out…
/r/Divorce_Men25/03/23 04:32 AM
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