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DivorceRecoveryMen Archive

View 18 posts and 651 comments by DivorceRecoveryMen on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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Upvotes Title Category Author Subreddit Date (UTC)
53

Dealing with the Ex / STBXDivorceRecoveryMen/r/Divorce_Men13/04/24 02:02 PM
42

DivorceRecoveryMen/r/Divorce_Men01/08/24 03:39 PM
31

DivorceRecoveryMen/r/Divorce_Men27/04/24 06:27 PM
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DivorceRecoveryMen/r/Divorce_Men27/02/24 02:34 PM
22

Success StoriesDivorceRecoveryMen/r/Divorce_Men21/04/24 06:08 PM
22

DivorceRecoveryMen/r/Divorce_Men13/07/24 02:16 PM
18

DivorceRecoveryMen/r/Divorce_Men04/06/24 01:56 PM
17

DivorceRecoveryMen/r/Divorce_Men09/05/24 03:10 AM
15

DivorceRecoveryMen/r/Divorce_Men30/03/24 02:36 PM
15

DivorceRecoveryMen/r/Divorce_Men20/02/24 12:14 AM
11

DivorceRecoveryMen/r/Divorce_Men14/04/24 03:41 PM
7

DivorceRecoveryMen/r/Divorce_Men19/02/24 01:18 AM
6

DivorceRecoveryMen/r/Divorce_Men07/04/24 02:38 PM
5

Dealing with the Ex / STBXDivorceRecoveryMen/r/Divorce_Men10/04/24 12:40 PM
4

CustodyDivorceRecoveryMen/r/Divorce_Men21/09/24 10:43 AM
4

DivorceRecoveryMen/r/Divorce_Men17/03/24 03:43 PM
4

DivorceRecoveryMen/r/Divorce_Men07/08/24 05:46 PM
4

DivorceRecoveryMen/r/Divorce_Men22/02/24 05:41 PM
Upvotes Comment on Subreddit Date (UTC)
4

Being civil is the best. Happiness is not overrated even if it is apart. When you both realize that, it makes the process much better. Start the process of getting a lawyer (separately).
/r/Divorce_Men24/11/24 04:18 PM
2

I think you have to go into the dating pool with realistic expectations. You won't find the 'one' on the first date, and even should you? Nope! Enjoy the ride or the process and meet some great and not-so-great people. Learn from each date what you do and don't like and remember that.
/r/Divorce_Men22/11/24 05:45 PM
1

No real remedy here. You have to 'kiss the frogs' and go through the dating process. It's a numbers game and you have to play in order to get good at it. Realistic expectations is the key. Don't date expecting too much. And don't take it too seriously. And.... NEVER DISCUSS YOUR DIVORCE ON THE FIRST DATE!!!!!!!
/r/Divorce_Men19/11/24 01:40 PM
1

Search google or YouTube on men divorce healing and recovery. Lean into your friends, get a new hobby. Do some work on yourself to get yourself into a better headspace.
/r/Divorce_Men19/11/24 01:23 PM
1

She is going to try to do what she will, no need to worry about pissing her off. 50/50 and nothing less. Being scared of your ex, been there, done that.
/r/Divorce_Men18/11/24 06:55 PM
1

Never stay for the kids and happiness is not overrated. Go get yours....
/r/Divorce_Men18/11/24 06:53 PM
11

Realistic expectations is the key. It's gonna take a while for you to get your ex's DNA out of your parking spaces of you brain. As soon as you clear that, the nights will be better and the 'overthinking in bed' will start to dwindle. It does end, you are at the controls.
/r/Divorce_Men18/11/24 06:49 PM
1

Fair is hard in a divorce. Your happiness is paramount. The longer you wait, the harder it will be. Rip off the bandaid and start the process. Talk is cheap, actually seek out a lawyer and serve her papers is a harder line. Shows you are serious. But be cordial in the whole process. Even if she goes scorched earth on you. Take your medicine and keep it moving. Totally worth it.
/r/Divorce_Men11/11/24 01:14 PM
3

Nope it is not too late. I got legally divorced at 51 and just got remarried last year. I know a lot of men, friends, who even divorced even later than me and some of them have found their second love. Dating is a numbers game, the more you date, the better the chances you have. Plus, you find out over time, what you like and don't like. Enjoy the process and definitely have realistic expectations - because the women do about you!
/r/Divorce_Men11/11/24 03:01 AM
2

Read above response....
/r/Divorce_Men11/11/24 02:59 AM
2

Happiness is not overrated! Don't give up. I met my now wife after 13 years single after divorce. Worth the wait. Everything I've ever wanted.
/r/Divorce_Men07/11/24 03:37 PM
3

You happiness is not overrated. When you decide to pull the trigger you'll probably ask yourself why you didn't do it sooner.
/r/Divorce_Men07/11/24 03:37 PM
3

Karma is a bitch.....
/r/Divorce_Men07/11/24 02:39 PM
7

Use that hatred to continue the process of divorce. Be cordial and fair but get it going. What she does on her time will be irrelevant. Takes time to get her out of your DNA.
/r/Divorce_Men07/11/24 02:36 PM
2

Definitely, record the calls.
/r/Divorce_Men07/11/24 02:34 PM
10

The woman thing will come. Having realistic expectations is the key. Sounds like you have them already. Patience grasshopper. Your time will cum.
/r/Divorce_Men31/10/24 12:37 PM
5

You may never know the real reason why she is done with you. And in the big scheme things, it doesn't matter. Time to work on yourself and start the healing process. That's how it is done, not easy but done!
/r/Divorce_Men28/10/24 07:39 PM
2

Try to save it as long as you can, counseling and sorts. But, when and if you are ever done, do the work, get a consult from an attorney and start the process. Happiness is not overrated.
/r/Divorce_Men28/10/24 07:38 PM
5

Sometimes those little things add up!
/r/Divorce_Men28/10/24 07:35 PM
8

Get a consultation with an attorney and keep it moving. Be cordial; it's going to hurt, but happiness is not overrated. When it is all over, you'll ask yourself why you waited so long!
/r/Divorce_Men28/10/24 03:54 PM
2

Have your fun but be safe. You're right, it doesn't help you heal but it is a lot of fun!!!
/r/Divorce_Men14/10/24 04:56 PM
3

You'll find that closure over time is overrated. Does it really matter in the big scheme of things? Will it make you feel better? Probably not. Continue to enjoy your new reality and keep it moving. Congrats.
/r/Divorce_Men13/10/24 10:04 PM
5

Dating is a numbers and a fun game. Have fun and enjoy the hell out of your new happiness and freedom.
/r/Divorce_Men13/10/24 10:02 PM
1

2 parallel households heading for the same result, raising the kids but different paths.
/r/Divorce_Men11/10/24 12:09 AM
1

Practicing B.I.F.F. Keep the co-parenting conversations Brief, Informative, Firm and Friendly.
/r/Divorce_Men11/10/24 12:08 AM
1

Definitely let it go.... used the anger to stoke my moving on. A sort of springboard of sorts. Thanks for asking.
/r/Divorce_Men11/10/24 12:07 AM
2

It took a while to get that upfront discussion going every time. But, it resulted about a 50% acceptance rate. It was nice to get it out of the way. Ended up marrying one with the right answer.
/r/Divorce_Men11/10/24 12:04 AM
2

Happiness has no price. Kids are better in two happy houses than one unhappy one. You'll be paying, but so worth it in the end. I had to recover over the years, hated it at first but happiness made it all worth it. Trust me. Worried about money, don't - it is what it is. Courts will decide for you. Get ready for a big hit. Keep those realistic expectatons.
/r/Divorce_Men09/10/24 11:31 PM
3

Encouragement: It's hard to stay with someone who is not in love with you. As soon as you process that fact, start the divorce process. Stay cordial and keep it moving.
/r/Divorce_Men09/10/24 11:28 PM
1

Thought I would never to it. Never say never. Been married for a year and I love it. Luckiest man in the world. So much luck involved. Godspeed.
/r/Divorce_Men09/10/24 11:26 PM
3

It's nice to have that conversation when you first start dating. Get it out of the way.
/r/Divorce_Men09/10/24 11:25 PM
3

You have unrealistic expectation with your ex. You are two separate households and probably should act as such. You gave her the power to veto you going to the Halloween Festival. Who cares about the festival? Start making your new and own memories and stop relying on the past memories. It is better in the long run. I co-parented together but separate for our 3. Once I took the kids to Denver for the day and she showed up like she was going. Nope, just a dad and kids day. Hard to accept but you …
/r/Divorce_Men09/10/24 11:24 PM
1

GarbanzoBenne you are right. The benefit of the doubt. But....... just saying!!! That why the counseling first.
/r/Divorce_Men07/10/24 08:00 PM
3

Never leave the house or move out. Your happiness is paramount. Staying with someone who doesn't love you is tough and rough. And you never stay for the kids. Two happy homes is better than one unhappy one. Time to be selfish and think about what you want. Sometimes, divorce is not an ending but an opportunity for a new beginning.
/r/Divorce_Men07/10/24 12:58 PM
5

Never leave the home unless the law says. See your kid every day. Love you kid more than you hate your stbx.
/r/Divorce_Men07/10/24 12:54 PM
1

Enjoy your new-found reality.
/r/Divorce_Men07/10/24 12:52 PM
2

Try counseling first and make a decision from there. Air out your grievances, and how she responds, and your next steps or path will be clear.
/r/Divorce_Men07/10/24 12:51 PM
2

Karma is a bitch served hot! Consequences are a bitch too.
/r/Divorce_Men07/10/24 12:02 PM
6

Now it's time to unfriend stbx. Trust me!
/r/Divorce_Men07/10/24 12:00 PM
1

Nothing like making good use of your secret sauce. Great post!
/r/Divorce_Men07/10/24 11:58 AM
1

No need to give up... Join this private Facebook Group. https://www.facebook.com/groups/407835908157312
/r/Divorce_Men07/10/24 11:57 AM
6

Congrats on your decision-making and self-care journey, sir. Finally letting them go is an epiphany that comes eventually. Some take longer than others. I wish her good luck and keep it moving.
/r/Divorce_Men06/10/24 06:48 PM
2

Good luck in your path of recovery. Self-care is most important.
/r/Divorce_Men06/10/24 01:39 PM
4

Sounds like you are in a never-ending vortex. Start the divorce process and complete it. Your happiness is not overrated. She is no longer your problem.. As for the kids, they will be ok. They are more resilient than you think. Self-care is paramount here. Get that mindset that you are the most important thing in your life now, get the divorce started, finish it and move on to your new reality without her. She doesn't even respect you. You deserve better. You can do bad all by yourself.
/r/Divorce_Men02/10/24 02:43 PM
7

She is done with you. Hard to swallow. Don't leave the house until you have to. She doesn't have control of what happens. Start the divorce process and get what is due to you through the courts. DON'T MOVE OUT!!!! Use that energy that you want to stay with her and use it on you in your divorce recovery. Self-care is the most important.
/r/Divorce_Men02/10/24 02:38 PM
2

Three things.... 1) hard to realize but, the reason why doesn't really matter. Use all that energy you are worrying about and the reason why - use it for your recovery.... 2) practicing boundaries is definitely a good thing. With your stbx, your stb ex-laws and even friends....3) Your two major 'worries' and you and your daughter. Self-care is paramount here. All that trivial stuff, and it is trivial, doesn't manner. Go get your happy because it does sound like you haven't experienced real happi…
/r/Divorce_Men30/09/24 07:47 PM
4

Karma is a dish served slowly and warm.
/r/Divorce_Men21/09/24 10:39 AM
1

Get a Zoom call for a consult with a lawyer in SC. See what your options are. And, go from there.
/r/Divorce_Men16/09/24 10:01 PM
1

Nowhere to go but up. Enjoy the positive outlook and journey.
/r/Divorce_Men16/09/24 01:39 AM
1

Why are you still giving her parking spaces in your brain? You can't make people do what they don't want to do. Pretty simple.
/r/Divorce_Men14/09/24 03:02 PM
4

Love your kids more than you hate your ex!! Easy to say, hard to do, but not impossible.
/r/Divorce_Men14/09/24 02:34 PM
8

Sorry to say, there is probably no rhyme or reason for it. And you may never know the cause of it. It's time to buckle down and protect yourself, your kids, and your legacy. Don't leave the house. No matter what. Get a lawyer and start the process. Get informed about the divorce process as much as you can because the best defense is a great offense. Lean into the pain you're feeling now and use it to push yourself to do all the previous things listed. Be cordial to her, and keep it moving!
/r/Divorce_Men14/09/24 02:30 PM
1

No doubt. Even if they aren't into you for now, later will be another story. They will realize you never stopped reaching out to them no matter what.
/r/Divorce_Men12/09/24 11:52 PM
2

Yep, you have to work on yourself and finally realize that all the other shit that doesn't matter, really doesn't matter. Take a while to get to that position. But, what a nice place to be in.
/r/Divorce_Men12/09/24 04:29 PM
1

I understand where you're coming from. Someone said - that responsibility without authority is slavery.
/r/Divorce_Men12/09/24 04:27 PM
2

Taking care of yourself is paramount of all. Everything else goes from there. You are the top of the pyramid.
/r/Divorce_Men12/09/24 12:58 PM
5

Kids are more important that a career. You only have one shot with them while they are little. Make the correct choice.
/r/Divorce_Men12/09/24 12:55 PM
6

Love them up and don't stop. I know people that took years for the kids to realize that the mom was controlling. Stay the course and don't stop trying to contact them.
/r/Divorce_Men12/09/24 12:54 PM
5

Thank her for doing you the favor. No rambling, I just hear you are grateful for being able to move on with your life. Godspeed.
/r/Divorce_Men12/09/24 12:52 PM
1

Do what you have to to take care of yourself and your kids. These are the two most important factors in this process.
/r/Divorce_Men12/09/24 12:50 PM
3

It is totally normal. You are still mourning the death of a relationship. It will take time to process all this and move on. But, so totally worth it.
/r/Divorce_Men12/09/24 12:48 PM
6

I would have never pulled the trigger and probably would still be in it if she didn't divorce me. It was painful for years but now I am at peace and thankful she did it. I have completely moved on with my life. Thanks ex-honey!
/r/Divorce_Men12/09/24 12:47 PM
1

Check with your job, get up early, and do whatever it takes to be responsible when you have them.
/r/Divorce_Men31/08/24 02:30 PM
12

Get the divorce, take the hit and move on with your life. Cut ties and enjoy your new reality. Too many things left up to chance.
/r/Divorce_Men31/08/24 02:28 PM
3

Stay the course. Keep carrying her. It eventually will stop.
/r/Divorce_Men31/08/24 02:26 PM
4

You should thank her for releasing you to start your new journey to your new reality. It's such a common story with an awesome ending! Enjoy!
/r/Divorce_Men31/08/24 02:25 PM
11

A awesome village is not overrated. My brother stepped up and still is one of my best rocks. You and I are both lucky.
/r/Divorce_Men31/08/24 02:24 PM
11

Who cares! Concentrate that finding about the affair partner energy into being the best father you can be to your kids. Since the marriage is broken and the divorce has started it is such wasted effort when you can be creating such awesome memories with your kiddos. Just saying!!
/r/Divorce_Men31/08/24 02:23 PM
5

There is nothing wrong with you. It's a marathon, not a race. Maybe you are not ready to go there with women yet. Working on yourself is paramount at this time.
/r/Divorce_Men18/08/24 12:04 AM
1

Love number one...
/r/Divorce_Men07/08/24 07:39 PM
2

So many of us have endured worse. Stop beating yourself up and realize you are pretty normal. Get some therapy and start the healing process.
/r/Divorce_Men07/08/24 05:55 PM
1

You really work things out for you not your kid. I and others always say you never stay for the kids. You just show them how to stay in a dysfunctional relationship. Two happy houses are better than one dysfunctional one.
/r/Divorce_Men29/07/24 02:21 PM
1

Thanks to all the guys who contributed to this feed. The answers were thoughtful, powerful and poetic... Thanks again.
/r/Divorce_Men22/07/24 11:16 PM
4

In your story... many people don't realize how resilient kids are. How they finally figure out which parent is and was always on their side. Just wait for it, meanwhile, be he best parent you can be. And, stop giving her parking spaces in your brain.... distance you thoughts from her in order to move on.
/r/Divorce_Men22/07/24 03:46 PM
1

Have you started the divorce process yet?
/r/Divorce_Men22/07/24 03:40 PM
1

I think so. If we all could be just cordial and get the process done would be great!
/r/Divorce_Men22/07/24 03:38 PM
1

I have noticed that.
/r/Divorce_Men22/07/24 03:37 PM
2

Karma is a dish served slowly and cold. Her time will come and all will be right with the world. Stay above board and keep being cordial. That's all you can do. You can't control other people.
/r/Divorce_Men22/07/24 03:37 PM
1

Definitely.
/r/Divorce_Men22/07/24 03:35 PM
1

I think it can be a defense mechanism in order to protect the receiver.
/r/Divorce_Men22/07/24 03:35 PM
1

The 'can't win' problem. Sticking to your guns is the best defense and offense.
/r/Divorce_Men22/07/24 03:34 PM
1

Raises the question of can it be genetic? Hummmmm/
/r/Divorce_Men22/07/24 03:33 PM
1

I know you are looking forward to finally getting the divorce done. We lived together for 6 months, me downstairs in the home theatre. I had to see my kids every day. Godspeed.
/r/Divorce_Men22/07/24 03:31 PM
3

Anything for your kids. Bending is ok, breaking is not. Stay strapped in because the craziness is not over.
/r/Divorce_Men13/07/24 02:08 PM
1

If it still feels weird then you are not ready. There is no time table. Take you time and work on you first before involving someone new to the mix.
/r/Divorce_Men13/07/24 02:06 PM
2

Enjoy your new-found reality. Sounds like you are ready and willing to accept your result.
/r/Divorce_Men13/07/24 02:05 PM
2

You are definitely a friend till the end. Awesome. Being there for him is priceless.
/r/Divorce_Men08/07/24 09:39 PM
2

With two kids in high school and one in Junior high, week on week off with changing on Sunday afternoons worked great. Never understood the 2 2 5 5 thing.
/r/Divorce_Men03/07/24 02:58 PM
3

They were in your DNA for so long. Hard to forgive and forget. Realistic expectations moving forward is the key now. Soon, they will be distant memories, but now, lean into the hurt and disappointment and work on yourself. Self-care is paramount now. Got get yours.
/r/Divorce_Men03/07/24 02:56 PM
1

They were in your DNA for so long. Hard to forgive and forget. Realistic expectations moving forward is the key now. Soon they will be a distant memory, but now lean into the hurt and disappointment and work on yourself. Self-care is paramount now. Got get yours.
/r/Divorce_Men03/07/24 02:56 PM
3

What you are feeling is totally normal. It takes time to get her out of your DNA. Soon what she does will not matter a hill of beans. Takes time.
/r/Divorce_Men03/07/24 02:54 PM
1

All you can do is be the best father you can be. Keep it moving. Great job!
/r/Divorce_Men03/07/24 02:52 PM
2

When you are done, you are done. Start the divorce process, be cordial and you never stay for the kids. Two separate happy homes are better than one unhappy one.
/r/Divorce_Men03/07/24 02:51 PM
3

You too...
/r/Divorce_Men03/07/24 02:22 PM
3

Great mindset. Just remember it is a marathon and not a sprint. Self-care is the best medicine right now.
/r/Divorce_Men03/07/24 12:27 PM
2

I totally agree. And to add to that, if you lose the house, the kids will be fine. Kids are more resilient than we think. We need to stop worrying about them and concentrate on being the best father we can be when we have them. Create everlasting memories.
/r/Divorce_Men03/07/24 12:26 PM
3

Straight up Phoenix mode. Awesome, congrats. Keep enjoying your new reality.
/r/Divorce_Men02/07/24 08:33 PM
1

I did not leave during the process. I stayed downstairs in the man cave with a daybed for over 3 months. I had to see my kids every day. Let her spew that garbage about dad making her miserable and your kids will tire of it and it will become white noise. In the end, they will know which parent had and have their best interest. Kids are way smarter than we give them credit for. It won't mess them up at all, they are so resilient. So never staying for the kids means about getting a divorce, not l…
/r/Divorce_Men30/06/24 07:03 PM
1

Continue to reach out to your son even if he doesn't respond. Keep that communication open. He has to figure out his own path.
/r/Divorce_Men19/06/24 08:11 PM
1

Check out "IT'S OK TO HATE YOUR WIFE" on Amazon Kindle. Start there.
/r/Divorce_Men19/06/24 08:09 PM
5

One foot in front of the other. Starting with this post. Each day gets easier with some days of setback. Realize this and start you healing journey. Turn that depressive shit around and use that energy to fuel your recovery and move on.
/r/Divorce_Men19/06/24 08:04 PM
2

Thanks for posting for those men who are just starting or going through the middle of the shitshow. Definitely, shows them hope for the future. Excellent turnout. Enjoy.
/r/Divorce_Men19/06/24 08:03 PM
6

You don't need to move as fast as possible, but you do need to move on with purpose. That's unfortunate her grandpa is dying in the hospital. Time to move on and start the process. Go get your happy! No excuses. You'll be better off in the long run.
/r/Divorce_Men19/06/24 08:00 PM
3

Happiness is not overrated. Never stay for the kids and go get your happy. You deserve. Just saying!
/r/Divorce_Men19/06/24 07:57 PM
9

Karma is a dish served very hot. Stay above board in all your interactions with her and karma will eventually even the playing field.
/r/Divorce_Men19/06/24 07:55 PM
3

Two things: happiness is not overrated, and you should never stay just for the kids. You deserve happiness, either with or without her. It's your choice.
/r/Divorce_Men06/06/24 03:36 PM
2

Fam Damily!! Sometimes they are the worse. But, it does give you realistic expectations with them from here on out. Some of my friends are better family than my own family. Interesting.
/r/Divorce_Men06/06/24 02:46 PM
1

Nice to move on from a bossy wife. You don't realize how bossy she was until you are out of it. Priceless. Karma is a bitch!
/r/Divorce_Men05/06/24 08:55 PM
2

My ex had limited access to my house. Easier that way.
/r/Divorce_Men05/06/24 08:04 PM
4

You continue to fight for yourself and your daughter. Just like in the movie Untouchables - 'never stop fighting til the fight is done'.
/r/Divorce_Men05/06/24 08:00 PM
2

Priceless feeling?? Good luck to you as well. Enjoy your new reality.
/r/Divorce_Men05/06/24 07:56 PM
2

Getting kicked in the teeth repeatedly eventually gets old. Your final solace is that you have survived and get the best the best version of yourself and also be the best father you can be. Call it what you will, karma. The universe always rights itself over time. Releasing her from those parking spaces in your brain intended for positive people in your life is priceless. Enjoy.
/r/Divorce_Men05/06/24 07:55 PM
2

Don't lose hope. Lean into the post here. See how men have slowly recovered. Remember, it is a marathon and not a sprint. Look for the small wins every day. You didn't cry as long today as you did yesterday. Focus on yourself and not all the negatives. Easy to say but hard to do. It doesn't come easy and you have to want it. Godspeed.
/r/Divorce_Men05/06/24 02:29 PM
3

Boundaries are not overrated.
/r/Divorce_Men04/06/24 08:55 PM
4

Sometimes, blanket statements don't make the cut. ,
/r/Divorce_Men04/06/24 08:02 PM
3

You'll know when you are ready to date. Just date for companionship and friendship and definitely have realistic expectations in the process.
/r/Divorce_Men04/06/24 04:53 PM
5

Learning that you can only control what you do is a hard pill to swallow, but it is necessary. The quicker you realize that, focus all your energy on yourself and your kids, and start to move on with your life, the better off you will be in the long run. Spinning your wheels is just that—spinning your wheels. Take all that wasted energy and turn it inward on being the best father you can be. What she does on her time will soon be a distant care and memory. Trust me! Been there and done that.
/r/Divorce_Men04/06/24 04:21 PM
3

That's definitely another way of looking at it.
/r/Divorce_Men04/06/24 02:43 PM
2

It's almost like sometimes you need to hate your ex in order to get over her. I did and used the hatred to fuel my divorce recovery. I don't hate her now, but I was able to use that negative energy to move on with my life.
/r/Divorce_Men04/06/24 02:05 PM
2

I agree with CulturedGentleman921 and seek out counseling. After that, make an informed decision if you can live with her or not. Life is too short to be unhappy. You can do bad all by yourself.
/r/Divorce_Men04/06/24 01:52 PM
4

Dating with realistic expectations and dating for companionship and not for marriage is the key. It really helps you heal when you take the pressure out of it. Have fun. Don't take it too seriously.
/r/Divorce_Men04/06/24 01:49 PM
2

Early on, I spoke one positive affirmation each morning when I woke up. That extended into one before bedtime. ,
/r/Divorce_Men04/06/24 01:46 PM
3

It's so ironic that it sometimes takes months or weeks to get married, and it can take 20 minutes to break it all apart.
/r/Divorce_Men01/06/24 03:19 PM
3

All the things you are feeling right now are normal. You have hit rock bottom, and there is nowhere to go but up. Get a lawyer consult and see what you options are. The best defense is a good offense. Godspeed.
/r/Divorce_Men01/06/24 02:06 PM
2

Hard to let her go.. She is still in your DNA. It is still raw. Time is your friend. Embrace the fact she is doing you a favor and letting you go. You will finally, one day, realize you are better without her. Embrace your new you.
/r/Divorce_Men01/06/24 02:03 PM
2

Talk to somebody other than us. A professional, a pastor - somebody else. Before the spiral takes you. You are worth it to the family you have left. Don't let her win!
/r/Divorce_Men01/06/24 02:01 PM
5

Not a rant, just the truth. She has made her bed and has to lie in it. Moving on with your life is perfect. You deserve nice things. She had her chance. See ya!!. No need to worry about her anymore.
/r/Divorce_Men23/05/24 03:41 PM
2

This medium is the best for the beginning, during and after divorce. So many subjects are covered and you will always find something that you are going through or been through.
/r/Divorce_Men23/05/24 03:28 PM
4

Time to talk to your daughter and your ex. Boundaries. Respect your house and you will respect hers. Explain that is never is to happen again. You are right to be angry. But you need to discuss your anger with both parties. Set new and stronger boundaries. Letting it go just continues more disrespect. Rules are rules for a reason. Don't let it go.
/r/Divorce_Men21/05/24 01:20 AM
3

I'm convinced that it all depends on how the judge feels that day. So ambiguous and unfair sometimes. Just go in with no expectations and you won't be disappointed. Seen it happen so often. No rhyme or reason.
/r/Divorce_Men15/05/24 12:38 PM
6

Do the 'me' thing for a while and work on yourself. Finding someone else soon is not a good solution. Time to figure out who you are and go from there. Counseling, therapy groups and/or just friends can be a great starting point to healing.
/r/Divorce_Men13/05/24 02:07 PM
2

Give it time. You never know. Never say never.
/r/Divorce_Men13/05/24 02:54 AM
1

Even sideways progress is good progress. Stay vigilant.
/r/Divorce_Men13/05/24 12:21 AM
2

Many of men I know have come back from worse cluster fucks. Getting your mind right is the first step. Go on from there.
/r/Divorce_Men12/05/24 11:49 PM
3

Divorce is sometimes a shitshow and not fair. Men get screwed more often times than not. We just have to take it in the shorts, process it and keep it moving. I'm 13 years and finally seeing some light in the tunnel. But still worth not being next to her when I wake up in the morning.
/r/Divorce_Men12/05/24 02:59 PM
1

You never stay for the kids. Just shows them that a mean and dysfunctional wife is a normal thing. Happiness is not overrated. I'm a member of the school of go get you happiness no matter what. If you don't it will eat you up inside because you stayed so long. I was where you are now, 13 years later and knowing what I know now, I would have paid twice what I paid and gave my left nut. Just saying.
/r/Divorce_Men12/05/24 02:55 PM
1

You never stay for the kids. Just shows them that a mean and dysfunctional wife is a normal thing. Happiness is not overrated. I'm a member of the school of go get you happiness no matter what. If you don't it will eat you up inside because you stayed so long. I was where you are now, 13 years later and knowing what I know now, I would have paid twice what I paid and gave my left nut. Just saying.
/r/Divorce_Men12/05/24 02:53 PM
1

You never stay for the kids. Just shows them that a mean and dysfunctional wife is a normal thing. Happiness is not overrated. I'm a member of the school of go get you happiness no matter what. If you don't it will eat you up inside because you stayed so long. I was where you are now, 13 years later and knowing what I know now, I would have paid twice what I paid and gave my left nut. Just saying.
/r/Divorce_Men12/05/24 02:53 PM
2

So true. It's gonna cost you a pretty penny but happiness is not overrated and it is priceless!
/r/Divorce_Men12/05/24 02:35 PM
3

Kids are stronger than you think. Just be the best father you can be when you have her.
/r/Divorce_Men12/05/24 02:34 PM
1

Work on yourself and get emotionally stable and taking baby steps back to the financial place you want to be. It hurt me so much, but over time I was able to table my emotions and concentrate on myself. It's a marathon not a sprint.
/r/Divorce_Men12/05/24 02:33 PM
11

Who cares. Take that energy you will waste on dropping the bomb and work on yourself. That situation just adds more negativity in the mix. Keep it moving. Karma will comes on its own sweet time.
/r/Divorce_Men12/05/24 02:30 PM
7

Still reach out to the kids. When they are older they will appreciate you didn't give up on them. As for the rest, realistic expectations are needed so there are no more surprises. A good defense is a better offense.
/r/Divorce_Men12/05/24 02:28 PM
3

Be there for your kids and grab the mindset that you can get out of this hole. One step at a time.
/r/Divorce_Men12/05/24 02:26 PM
4

Focus on the kids and basically do what is right.
/r/Divorce_Men12/05/24 02:23 PM
1

Balance is the key and I see you have that down to a science. As they get older, they figure out which parent had their back more than the other. Organic karma I call it.
/r/Divorce_Men11/05/24 03:43 PM
1

Of course you are doing it right. Whatever you do is right as long as you are being the best day you can be. The small things and wins count the most. Awesome job with your son. Keep it up.
/r/Divorce_Men11/05/24 03:42 PM
1

Nice and slow...
/r/Divorce_Men11/05/24 03:38 PM
2

Hiking was my go to.
/r/Divorce_Men11/05/24 03:38 PM
1

Being engaged even in long distance is awesome.
/r/Divorce_Men09/05/24 09:40 PM
2

Hard to do but eventually effective. Even if they are talking shit about you.
/r/Divorce_Men09/05/24 09:39 PM
3

Nothing wrong with cooling down time.
/r/Divorce_Men09/05/24 09:39 PM
3

Stopping the cycle of madness. NIce.
/r/Divorce_Men09/05/24 09:38 PM
1

Lots to choose from.
/r/Divorce_Men09/05/24 03:01 AM
1

Lending a hand up is one of the ultimate giving in this community.
/r/Divorce_Men09/05/24 03:00 AM
3

Date a lot, have fun with no expectations. They do understand you being divorced and if then don't, move it along. Too many fish in the sea. You're not dating for the next wife, but to have companionship and fun. And, learn to cut bait quick. You can fix broken women. The first sign of that, bail!
/r/Divorce_Men30/04/24 04:45 PM
2

They are grown-assed adults. I'd keep reaching out when you can maybe twice a year. They can never say you didn't try. That's on them. Move on with your life and know your tried. There's nothing you can do otherwise.
/r/Divorce_Men30/04/24 01:48 PM
6

Concentrating on the positives amid all the crap kept me sane. The fact I didn't have to wake up to her in the am was more than enough for me to enjoy my struggles post-divorce. Jealously at first, but stop giving her space in your brain. You'll never gonna heal that way. Move on with your life - it a hard pill to swallow, but eventually you can.
/r/Divorce_Men30/04/24 01:41 PM
6

If you're not ready to date then don't Spend the time to work on yourself and your self-confidence. Dating is like shopping, you find out what type of soup your like. Maybe not right away but eventually. Date for fun and companionship with no expectations. All women are different like soups. Enjoy the process and don't overthink it.
/r/Divorce_Men30/04/24 01:38 PM
2

You're starting to give her power over the situation. We need to get back to respecting their parents. Their mother is not going to be any help. Time to set some firm boundaries. If she chooses not to participate in things, then off to her room she will go. With a split home, this is not the time to let kids get away with anything they want. Consequences are the best medicine here. She will tire of be not included in things. Stick to a plan of getting her back on board with the normal things. Ba…
/r/Divorce_Men29/04/24 08:49 PM
7

Why?? What is the up side?? Move on with your life and make new friends in order not to be alone. Venture out.
/r/Divorce_Men29/04/24 08:18 PM
1

That's out there too!
/r/Divorce_Men28/04/24 03:36 PM
1

You have to show your work. Do the math. Dating is a numbers game. The more you do it, the more you are apt to find that emotionally regulated woman. Dating with no expectations except to have a good time and conversation is paramount when dating at first. Keeps your perspective close to your heart. I dated my new wife for almost 6 years before we got married. I had to make sure!! And you need to also. But, they are out there. Weed through the trash and find that gem!
/r/Divorce_Men28/04/24 03:35 PM
1

Trusting again is a hard one. It takes time to get over the craziness and move on to the point trusting another woman again. It will come. It's a numbers game and learning to cut bait quick when recognizing the bad signs. Never settle again.
/r/Divorce_Men28/04/24 03:28 PM
2

Congrats...
/r/Divorce_Men28/04/24 03:27 PM
1

Kool-Aid.... one or two cups of sugar back in the day? Self-reflection is a good gauge.
/r/Divorce_Men28/04/24 03:26 PM
2

Taking the emotions out of the text and emails.
/r/Divorce_Men28/04/24 03:22 PM
2

Learned the communication part the hard way. So much easier now.
/r/Divorce_Men28/04/24 03:21 PM
1

So simple, but so hard for most men. Awesome post.
/r/Divorce_Men28/04/24 03:20 PM
4

It's a no win situation. Three things - happiness is not overrated, you never stay for the kids and your kids are more resilient than you think. Make the move, take the financial hit and start afresh in a few ways.
/r/Divorce_Men27/04/24 10:52 PM
1

At least you realize it. Make the move, take the heat from her and move on.
/r/Divorce_Men27/04/24 10:50 PM
2

The safety of your daughters is the most important here. Let that guide you what to do. Pretty obvious. If I was in your situation, I'd go for the jugular in order to provide any safety for my kids.
/r/Divorce_Men27/04/24 06:17 PM
5

When they make their own bed and it doesn't go well and start to drift back to you is never a easy decision. If you've done all the work to get to a better place why would you want to go back to the negative past? Fuck it and keep it moving unless it starts to affect your kid.
/r/Divorce_Men27/04/24 06:14 PM
2

Awesome words... and YES - The kids are the most important item in this shitshow!
/r/Divorce_Men26/04/24 02:05 PM
4

Sounds like my ex back in the day. So glad she is gone. Alcoholics are a bitch to divorce.
/r/Divorce_Men26/04/24 02:58 AM
5

Over time that 75/25 will turn into 100/0. Soon, what she does will be a distant care and memory. Move on with your life and recovery. Over time the indifference goes to actually not giving a fuck!
/r/Divorce_Men26/04/24 02:57 AM
1

So free and enlightening. Totally worth what you paid? Enjoy your new found freedom.
/r/Divorce_Men24/04/24 09:20 PM
5

Be the best father you can be and stick to the legal plan. Don't deviate no matter how much your daughter misses Mom. So, nothing comes back and bites you in the ass later. Stay strong for your kids and keep it legal and moving. Your ex has made choices and has to live by them. Not your problem. Stay focused on raising your kids, nothing else.
/r/Divorce_Men24/04/24 07:55 PM
5

Embrace your wins. Great job reducing the drama in the process. Time for you. Time to be selfish and go get you happiness. 3K... you came out so far ahead of the rest of us.
/r/Divorce_Men24/04/24 07:53 PM
3

She is still in hour DNA and will be for a while. It takes quite a while to get her out. Cherish the wins you have had so far. Her affair partner, if she is still with her, has to have in the back of his mind she can leave him too at a drop of a hat. Lean into being the best father you can be for your kids. Concentrate on your healing and your life without her. Stop giving her parking spaces in your brain that are reserved for you and not for her. It's a marathon not a sprint.
/r/Divorce_Men24/04/24 07:51 PM
2

When you get back on the horse so to speak, the numbers game will make you an expert of breakups. That is needed when you need to cut bait quick. It is a learned response.
/r/Divorce_Men24/04/24 02:26 AM
8

Your future is not set in stone. Enjoy the possibilities. You never know.
/r/Divorce_Men23/04/24 11:54 PM
6

Great response... keep it up. Enjoy that new phase, it's an awesome ride, adventure and destination.
/r/Divorce_Men23/04/24 11:53 PM
6

Only date if you are ready. Sounds like you are not ready. I mistakenly started dating too soon with crazy results. I had some awesome fun but it was so surface. I should have worked more on myself and my healing. As far as the divorce process, my best advice is to be cordial no matter what she deals or dishes out. Walk away, ignore just get through it. Just know you can be the better person. And just maybe she will chill or not, doesn't really matter. You can only control yourself and not her. …
/r/Divorce_Men23/04/24 11:52 PM
3

Sounds like you have the main three locked down. Date for fun with realistic expectations. Godspeed.
/r/Divorce_Men22/04/24 08:03 PM
1

You are on your way. A good mindset always helps. I had the kids, alimony, child support, 50/50 parenting time, bat-shit crazy ex, narcissism, starting from scratch after dividing all the crap up and narcissism. 10 years later, survived and enjoying my best life. You will too!!!
/r/Divorce_Men22/04/24 06:32 PM
2

Be the best father you can be for you kiddos and create lots of outstanding memories. They deserve it. Consisder yourself a single parent.
/r/Divorce_Men22/04/24 04:46 PM
2

Changing your mindset is easy if you are ready. If you can't date for fun, sounds like you're not ready to date. I dated way too soon and used it for healing - something I wouldn't suggest. My 'hoe' phase was crazy consisting wild women, hitting and quitting, lots of break ups, becoming the king of break ups, a wasteland of broken hearts and lack of sleep. Knowing what I know now, I just would have concentrated on one woman, as a friend to do stuff with. Not complicating it is paramount to enjoy…
/r/Divorce_Men22/04/24 04:44 PM
2

I am 2nd generation divorced (me and my parents) My three kiddos were in high school too. It was a shock at first then we settled into a 50/50 week on week off coparenting schedule. It was hard at first but the resilience of kids is amazing. I found that setting boundaries and expectations were the key to getting them onto college and onto the working world. Some of those boundaries and expectations were tough, but I need them in order to counteract my ex's haphazard raising technique. We are al…
/r/Divorce_Men22/04/24 04:11 PM
1

It took me a while to realize that. And you're not going to realize it for a long time. Options .. you say with her and be miserable until your child leaves the house. or you take the hit and be miserable for a while and get to move on with your life and hopefully eventually not care about her and what she is doing. It's a marathon not a sprint. Happiness is overrated.
/r/Divorce_Men22/04/24 03:42 PM
2

You find out you don't like being alone after you divorce, so you join a Meetup group for hiking. Things you find out you don't like and correct them as you go. Some call it negative learning. Learning you never forget.
/r/Divorce_Men22/04/24 12:52 PM
2

Parallels my story so much. But, wasn't the craziness worth your happiness without her now?
/r/Divorce_Men22/04/24 12:48 PM
2

The best defense is a better offense. Interview some lawyers keep the divorce topics with her general. Strap in for a interesting ride. Whatever you have to give up, is peanuts compared to a life of happiness without her.
/r/Divorce_Men22/04/24 12:46 PM
13

Of course your want the family back together. She has destroyed it and you don't have a choice other than to move on. She is still in your DNA. Hard to get her out but not impossible. Work on yourself because she's never coming back. Some day you will realize she did you a favor.
/r/Divorce_Men22/04/24 12:43 PM
5

Just realize that healing from divorce is a rollercoaster ride. The ride gets smoother over time. Don't get frustrated. It is totally normal. Most guys go through it. I did. It does get better.
/r/Divorce_Men22/04/24 12:41 PM
7

Dating for fun and with no expecatations is the key. It's a numbers game. There are quality women out there but hard to find. Kiss enough frogs and you will find a nice and fun woman. Not to marry, but to have fun.
/r/Divorce_Men22/04/24 12:38 PM
2

Being out for over 10 years and looking back, I would gladly give a arm or leg too just for my peace and happiness I have now. Hard to convey to others when they are fresh in it. So priceless.
/r/Divorce_Men22/04/24 12:16 AM
11

Respect your wife and let her go. You both need to move on. Be happy apart. Pull the trigger and move on. Do yourself and her a favor at this point. Happiness is not overrated with or without AP.
/r/Divorce_Men22/04/24 12:04 AM
7

Mine was communication..... most of my friends too. So common. So, I learned to be a better communicator. Took classes, asked coworkers for help with it and worked on myself to be a better communicator. It actually works when you work at it. Definitely a positive way to heal too.
/r/Divorce_Men21/04/24 11:57 PM
2

Give you a sample of what you don't like and move on from there.
/r/Divorce_Men21/04/24 11:54 PM
2

Dating is a numbers game. The more you date the better chance of finding a actually nice and fun person. Someone not to marry, but to just hang out with - when you're ready. Show your math and get the numbers in.
/r/Divorce_Men21/04/24 11:53 PM
2

So true. You are in control of you and not her.
/r/Divorce_Men21/04/24 11:52 PM
1

It will over time. When it is still fresh, so frustrating. It's a marathon not a sprint.
/r/Divorce_Men21/04/24 11:52 PM
1

That person that she was is gone. Relish that point in moving forward.
/r/Divorce_Men21/04/24 11:51 PM
1

Over prepare is not overrated.
/r/Divorce_Men21/04/24 11:51 PM
1

Definitely the future was so important.
/r/Divorce_Men21/04/24 11:50 PM
1

So nice to spend that money just not to wake up to her tomorrow. Totally worth it.
/r/Divorce_Men21/04/24 11:50 PM
4

IT was a biggie for me. Essentially I had to start from scratch but totally worth it...
/r/Divorce_Men21/04/24 11:48 PM
1

We do seem to be creatures of habit.
/r/Divorce_Men21/04/24 06:44 PM
1

What did you find that motivates them?
/r/Divorce_Men21/04/24 06:44 PM
1

Time to lawyer up and get parenting time with your daughter.
/r/Divorce_Men21/04/24 06:21 PM
2

Glad to find you found your voice, pulled the trigger and on the way to happiness. Whatever it cost, happiness is priceless. Go get yours.
/r/Divorce_Men21/04/24 06:16 PM
2

Lawyer up now. Never, never stay for the kids. It just shows them you stick in an unhappy situation no matter what. Not a good teachable moment for them. A good defense is a better offense. Whatever it cost, it will be worth it in the end. Move on with your life, because happiness is not overrated and has no pricetag. Your kids will be fine. They are more resilient than you think.
/r/Divorce_Men21/04/24 06:15 PM
3

Going through my divorce, my ex was and is an alcoholic. I learned to set boundaries early with her problems. Not responding to certain texts, communicating only in text or email and not aswering the door when she came over drunk. Do what you have to do NOW! Don't wait. Unfriend, block, change, and/or delete. Have the social media you want without her and her family. Good luck.
/r/Divorce_Men21/04/24 06:12 PM
1

Perfect answer.... let them eat cake!
/r/Divorce_Men21/04/24 03:26 PM
4

Nothing to handle. Don't meet with another woman in the community. Keep your friends closer and your potential enemies out of the picture. Keep your circle small. Who cares if your ex is conducting a smear campaign against you. Let it go. You can't control her narrative, only yours. What a waste of energy. Put that energy into your kids and yourself. Fuck the community, they don't pay your bills! Don't share anything. You do, the community monster will take on a life of its own with no control f…
/r/Divorce_Men21/04/24 03:25 PM
2

Sorry to say she is checked out. It's normal to have hope in anything. Sounds like your hope has run out. Time to take care of yourself and make a move. Get an attorney consult and go from there. I lived with my stbx for almost a year until the divorce was final. Hard to do, but I wanted to see my kids every day. She wanted me to move out and so many men make that mistake. There is no law that the man has to move out. Fuck that! Stay and see your kids and the best defense is a good offense. Sepa…
/r/Divorce_Men21/04/24 03:18 PM
3

You need to figure out if you are done or not. If not, then do what you can to save your marriage. If so, get a consultation with a lawyer and make the necessary moves. I have three kids and my wife tried that shit, wanting to check out the place I rented for them, fuck no! Boundaries are imperative. Kids are more resilient than you think. They will be ok. You are the most important piece in this puzzle. Take care of you so you can take care of your kids.
/r/Divorce_Men21/04/24 03:13 PM
4

That's all ok... forgiveness is for you forgiving yourself first. Forgiveness for her might not ever come and that's ok. Giving her no more parking spaces in your brain and occupying precious space is the goal. Moving on is your job here. The bitterness will subside. And your kids will be ok. They are more resilient than you think.
/r/Divorce_Men21/04/24 03:09 PM
2

It's amazing how the simple things can help you with your divorce recovery. Waiting on some more tips! My ex sucked at cleaning house. I would spend every weekend catching up on the house cleaning and she was a stat at home mom! Priceless now with her gone!
/r/Divorce_Men21/04/24 03:06 PM
1

You have having normal feelings. It definitely feels like a shitshow now. The show does get easier as you go down the road. Lean into your pain with you resolve in getting better. Kids? Be the best father you can be.
/r/Divorce_Men21/04/24 03:03 PM
1

It's amazing how smart kids are!
/r/Divorce_Men21/04/24 03:02 PM
3

Get an attorney consult and keep all those statements and any other proof of the craziness you have. Are you divorced?
/r/Divorce_Men21/04/24 03:00 PM
1

Not bad so far. If it keeps going consider therapy? It's not overrated.
/r/Divorce_Men21/04/24 02:58 PM
4

Awesome post. Giving hope to others that are in the bottoms of their divorce recovery. Hope is a big thing is a dispair mode. Thanks.
/r/Divorce_Men20/04/24 02:05 PM
9

You went through a normal reaction. She is still in your DNA. And it will take a while to get her out. Take that rage and center it on being the best father you can be. What she does on her time will sooner or later not matter anymore. It's a marathon not a sprint.
/r/Divorce_Men20/04/24 02:03 PM
1

Just remember it is a marathon and not a sprint. Sadness takes its sweet time to dissolve. Enjoy the new ride to your positive reality without her.
/r/Divorce_Men19/04/24 09:33 PM
3

She did you a favor if she is not in it 100 percent. Broke up and devastated the family. But this too will pass. Be the best father you can be to your kid and keep it moving. Get her out of your brain (over time) and move on with your new reality. Other have done it and you can too.
/r/Divorce_Men19/04/24 02:17 AM
8

Real concern. Cut bait and move on.
/r/Divorce_Men19/04/24 12:22 AM
1

Yep, hating things you can't control is so waste of time.
/r/Divorce_Men16/04/24 09:11 PM
1

All you can do is take care of you and be the best father you can be in the end. All the rest, works itself out.
/r/Divorce_Men16/04/24 09:09 PM
2

I wasn't happy for a long time too. She eventually did me the favor and pulled the divorce trigger, I was still crushed. But, years later, what a true favor she did for me. I couldn't thank her enough. I'd pay double and give my left leg to experience the happiness I have now. Go get yours!
/r/Divorce_Men16/04/24 01:22 PM
2

Forgave myself first then her later. Never needed her to say sorry. That was never going to happen. Had to move on with my life and have. Years later - living my best life without her. Who would of thought? Priceless.
/r/Divorce_Men16/04/24 12:42 PM
1

Figure out if you can stay in it the way it is. If not, seek out a lawyer and get a consult. Happiness is not overrated.
/r/Divorce_Men16/04/24 12:39 PM
1

That's definitely a different view on it all together. Thanks for the input.
/r/Divorce_Men15/04/24 10:32 PM
1

It is a marathon and not a sprint. My hate was around for a long time before I was able to channel it into some good and fuel my resolve and healing. Good luck with your compassion and hope for improvement. It's just around the corner!
/r/Divorce_Men15/04/24 04:54 PM
1

Excellent methods to get ahold of them and propel you to your positive divorce recovery.
/r/Divorce_Men15/04/24 04:52 PM
3

You must do what is best for you. Allowing you to be the best father you can be. And, if it comes to dropping her out of the kids lives, so be it. Keep it moving. It's a marathon not a sprint. She is going to react negatively and spiral... just be ready. It is what it is. She'd probably do the same to you in the same situation.
/r/Divorce_Men15/04/24 03:37 PM
1

I rode mountain and road bikes.
/r/Divorce_Men15/04/24 12:49 PM
2

I don't know many guys that can just let the hate go like that or even remove their emotions after getting divorced. For me, and that's just me, the hate fueled my resolve to show her I could survive without her. And I did. Eventually letting it go and moving on with my life. So, I do see where you are coming from.
/r/Divorce_Men15/04/24 12:46 PM
2

Communication with the ex... B.I.F.F. Brief, informative, friendly and firm. And keep it moving.
/r/Divorce_Men15/04/24 12:43 PM
8

My divorce almost destroyed me. With the alimony and child support and all. I figured I had to do what I had to do to survive to see and raise my kiddos. So I put my head to the grindstone. Started to work harder and then smarter. Got a better attitude with the divorce not being a destroyer but a rebirth, a chance for me to change my life for the better without her. She sees you struggling and fail, she wins. Don't let that happen. Do what you must to survive - side jobs, another job, whatever. …
/r/Divorce_Men15/04/24 12:42 PM
3

I feel for you. But, soon, what she does won't affect you so bad. Hard to get her out of your DNA at first. You;ll realize that someone else has that problem now. It's a marathon and not a sprint.
/r/Divorce_Men15/04/24 12:21 AM
2

No courtesy. It's a dogfight. The best defense is a good offense. Godspeed brother.
/r/Divorce_Men14/04/24 11:19 PM
1

All great ways to control hate. Everyone has to find out what works for them.
/r/Divorce_Men14/04/24 07:33 PM
1

Excellent choice of breaking it down to parts and putting it back together.
/r/Divorce_Men14/04/24 07:32 PM
1

Indifference provides those personalities no control. Like watching a dog chase its tail.
/r/Divorce_Men14/04/24 03:29 PM
2

Enjoy the conversation and engage those street smarts. Scammers are everywhere. As soon as the conversation turns too personal and/or financial - cut bait. Nothing wrong with some conversation. Stay vigilant men
/r/Divorce_Men14/04/24 03:28 PM
3

I'm all about resting in the 'season' you are in. You hate her, you hate her. Whatever sparks or keeps you on the path of divorce recovery. My ex and I still don't converse even after over 10 years. And that is fine. That's my season and will be probably forever. It's nice that you realize seasons do change. Lean into your present season and keep it moving!
/r/Divorce_Men14/04/24 03:19 PM
1

No hurry.. it's a marathon and not a sprint
/r/Divorce_Men14/04/24 03:16 PM
1

Nice interpretation. You gotta grab what works for you and keep it moving.
/r/Divorce_Men14/04/24 03:14 PM
1

Indifferent works also. On the verge of not giving a fuck.
/r/Divorce_Men14/04/24 03:12 PM
2

Years later - my ex and I don't have a friendly relationship. She tried to destroy me. I feel sorry for her and wish her well. Just not a part of my life anymore.
/r/Divorce_Men14/04/24 03:11 PM
2

Controlled hate is a definite special skill. I was there for quite a time. It sparked and fueled my recovery.
/r/Divorce_Men14/04/24 03:09 PM
2

Definitely my friend. Getting past it is so enlightening.
/r/Divorce_Men14/04/24 03:08 PM
5

Not giving a fuck works well also.
/r/Divorce_Men14/04/24 03:06 PM
2

Yep, it is for you. Don't get me wrong... it took me years to forgive with forgiving myself first. It just wasn't a switch I could turn off and on. And, I do relate with the others in this subreddit, about them not being able to forgive. Different strokes for different folks. I do get it both ways. No right or wrong here.
/r/Divorce_Men13/04/24 05:31 PM
5

Excellent post. My ex wanted us to use the same attorney! What a crock. And then wanted me to lie down and agree to everything they proposed. Finally got my own and still got screwed but not as bad. But, happiness is priceless. Thanks for the post.
/r/Divorce_Men13/04/24 02:26 PM
1

I agree with gnackered.... trade some days but exercise boundaries. I wouldn't even entertain her question about Easter. My standard replay was, 'thanks for asking' with no explaination. Keep it simple.
/r/Divorce_Men13/04/24 01:18 PM
6

You leave, she wins. Gets the kids and everything 100 percent. Not a choice. Your kids need you now more than ever. Being strong for them, even if you have to fake it, is necessary at this time. A lot of us have been where you are now and there is a promised land of not caring about her, moving on with your life and remembering it is a marathon not a sprint.
/r/Divorce_Men11/04/24 04:48 PM
2

He will always have one mom and dad. I personally think labels are overrated as long as the 'step' parent is taking care of the kid as you would. The more people that love and respect your child the better no matter what label you give them.
/r/Divorce_Men11/04/24 04:37 PM
2

Continue to enjoy your new and fun reality.
/r/Divorce_Men11/04/24 04:34 PM
1

Have fun, date for friendship. There is no hurry to get serious again. Sample the flowers and don't pick one right away. Plenty of time for that.
/r/Divorce_Men11/04/24 03:46 PM
5

Who cares? You shouldn't. Just stick to being the best father you can be if you have kids together. Move on with your life and don't pay attention to the fluff.
/r/Divorce_Men11/04/24 03:44 PM
2

Get a lawyer consult first. Whatever the loss potential is, it is worth it as for your happiness. I basically had to start from scratch after splitting everything. It hurt at first but realizing not waking up to her to no ties to her anymore, the pain subsided into my happiness. Know it's gonna hurt, but whatever the cost, it's worth it in the end.
/r/Divorce_Men11/04/24 03:41 PM
8

I think it is easier for women to switch the love switch off. Men, sometimes not so much. The heart does catch up with the head sooner or later. It does take time for that to happen. All you can do it what you can do at the time. Be the best father you can be and work on yourself at the same time. Time to be a little selfish with your time and talents and start your journey to your new reality. A life without her. Takes a while to getting used to.
/r/Divorce_Men11/04/24 02:11 PM
1

It wasn't intended as a jerk response. Just glad you pushed through and didn't become an alcoholic. Nothing more. Sorry you perceived it that way.
/r/Divorce_Men11/04/24 12:40 PM
0

Way to fight the feeling....
/r/Divorce_Men10/04/24 07:59 PM
1

They can replace their dad, you will always be there dad. Get with a attorney to see your options and move on from there. Do you still have the right to live in the house? Good questions to ask him or her.
/r/Divorce_Men10/04/24 02:19 PM
3

First, I congratulate you on 190 days sober. You don't have to accept this new man into your life. But he in your kid's life. Better to concentrate on being the best father you can be to your kids when you have them instead of worrying about the boyfriend. You have no power over her and her boyfriend. So, why give them power over you.
/r/Divorce_Men10/04/24 01:56 PM
1

My divorce took just over 18 months. During that time I vowed now to drink a drop until the divorce was over. I figured she was drinking enough for the both of us. A few times she would stop by my place and pretend to want to discuss the kids and show up drunk and tried to have a conversation with me. Pretty sad. I couldn't wait for the youngest kid could drive on his own not worrying about her driving him around drunk. I would see some of our common friends out and about and they would tell me …
/r/Divorce_Men10/04/24 12:49 PM
5

Focus on being the best father you can be. All the rest is fluff. Time for you to get your happiness without her.
/r/Divorce_Men09/04/24 03:21 PM
4

Lost all of mine. Hard to deal with at first, then ok with it. Par for the course.
/r/Divorce_Men09/04/24 03:19 PM
2

Not responding for 24 hours to non-urgent text was my go to. I found it really worked to calm down any negative vibes I was feeling around the conversation. All great advice.
/r/Divorce_Men09/04/24 12:54 PM
1

Glad you guys are in a better coparenting space for your son. Mine are grown and gone and I am so happy I had that positive space for them back then. Congrats.
/r/Divorce_Men09/04/24 12:52 PM
4

If you decide on a divorce start with a lawyer. He should suggest a forensic accountant and plan on splitting the kid 50/50. You're definitely not happy. Protect yourself legally and move forward. Pull the trigger. Your happiness is most important. No out of court settlement. The best defense is a good offense. Trust me!
/r/Divorce_Men09/04/24 12:47 PM
5

Get a lawyer, force her hand and start the process. It's gonna hurt so be ready. But, totally worth it. Happiness is priceless.
/r/Divorce_Men08/04/24 12:54 PM
2

Is there a cost?
/r/Divorce_Men07/04/24 03:29 PM
6

Remember it's a marathon and not a sprint. Patience is hard but necessary here. Reach out to a divorce recovery, Just be the best father you can be to your kids. Time to be selfish with your time to heal yourself. Do the things that make you happy. Go get your happy.
/r/Divorce_Men07/04/24 02:58 PM
2

Get with a lawyer soon. Happiness is not overrated. You never stay for the kids. It just shows them a half-assed relationship brewing as they grown up. I had three teenagers and they ended up fine. You're going to take a hit, but isn't happiness worth it. I say it is. I had to start from pretty much scratch, totally worth is knowing what I know now. Go get your happiness.
/r/Divorce_Men07/04/24 02:50 PM
3

You will always be his dad. Any time on Facetime is awesome no matter how long. Keep the consistency with that no matter what. When you have him, concentrate on making awesome memories with him being the best father you can be. As for her, the sooner you stop letting her getting in you head the better. What she thinks, does and what the boyfriend does or thinks is just fluff. Fluff doesn't motivate or no motivate you in your divorce healing. Getting her out of you DNA is hard and takes time. It'…
/r/Divorce_Men07/04/24 02:44 PM
2

Staying in the same house during the divorce was enough to drive me crazy. But, I wanted to see my kids everyday. It was worth it, but eventually getting my own place was priceless.
/r/Divorce_Men07/04/24 01:38 AM
10

Don't do it. Kids are resilient and will be ok in a move. Get your separate places and move on with your recovery. Too many things can go wrong.
/r/Divorce_Men06/04/24 09:43 PM
2

Never stay for the kids. Hopefully the bulldog will fight for you tooth and nail. Be the best father you can be and keep working on yourself in the process
/r/Divorce_Men06/04/24 09:39 PM
3

The sadness will creep back in less and less over time. Continue to work on yourself and keep moving forward. Self-care is your job now. Be the best father you can be and keep it moving.
/r/Divorce_Men06/04/24 09:37 PM
2

I've heard all the pros and cons for waiting to date until the divorce is finalized. In Colorado, dating before the finalization can not affect the outcome of the legal side of the divorce. So, I think it is an individual choice. Depends on so many factors - has your marriage been dead for a while and you just were going through the emotions, are you actually ready to date so soon and/or hopefully you are not looking for the next Mrs. Right so soon. It all depends.
/r/Divorce_Men06/04/24 04:01 AM
1

People don't give kids the credit they deserve. Being the best father you can be is an important part of recovery too. Enjoy your stand up attitude. You are on your way!
/r/Divorce_Men06/04/24 03:56 AM
3

Got mine 1 month before my last kid was born. Great decision.
/r/Divorce_Men06/04/24 03:51 AM
13

Too much think about her. What about you? Time to be selfish. Start the healing process for you and stop worrying about her. It will put you in a better headspace.
/r/Divorce_Men05/04/24 08:25 PM
6

Taking one minute by minute, one hour by hour, one day by day is a start. Each morning relish in the fact you made it another day. Being cordial in the process to your STBX is hard but necessary, especially around your boys. Being the best father to your boys you can be is one of the most important things. Also, you must be a little selfish and take care of yourself. You can't take care of your boys if you don't take care of yourself. So many of us have been where you are. Surviving it is 100% p…
/r/Divorce_Men05/04/24 07:58 PM
3

Yep, self-care is not overrated. Odds are that she will not reverse her decision and the best defense for him is a good offense.
/r/Divorce_Men05/04/24 03:36 PM
2

You are in the pipeline five by five. Your attitude and posturing is an excellent example how your combat the craziness sometimes women provide in the early stages of a divorce. Self-care is not overrated. Stick to your guns while being cordial. The best defense is a good offense. Godspeed.
/r/Divorce_Men05/04/24 03:30 PM
3

Get through the divorce and move on. What happened in the past doesn't matter. It won't change a thing. Take all that wasted energy and use it to make memories with your kiddos. Dinner, neighbors and all that crap is just fluff. Keep your eye on the prize and a directed movement to a positive reality.
/r/Divorce_Men03/04/24 04:58 PM
1

Still loving her makes it tough. Keep trying to work it out until your have done all you can do and your love for her doesn't overshadow your quest for happiness. Almost sounds like a loveless marriage of sorts. Staying in it for the kids should not be an option, it just shows them that you stay in a relationship no matter how bad it is. You have to figure out when you have had enough. Then and only then can you move one to a result that get you to her deserving happy without her.
/r/Divorce_Men03/04/24 04:53 PM
3

Let her talk shit... concentrate on continuing to be the best father you can be. All the rest is just fluff.
/r/Divorce_Men03/04/24 04:49 PM
3

Be the best father you can be. Controlling what you do, say and become is all you can control. Being cordial is paramount in coparenting if your divorce was a shitshow.
/r/Divorce_Men03/04/24 04:48 PM
2

Definitely words to date by. Godspeed!
/r/Divorce_Men03/04/24 12:55 PM
1

She has all the control Back to court and get something in writing or she will pull you around forever.
/r/Divorce_Men03/04/24 12:37 PM
1

Doesn't matter now. Come clean with her and continue the process. The cat is out of the bag.
/r/Divorce_Men03/04/24 12:35 PM
9

A man what he wants, go get what you want. But, be honest with the other person. Nothing wrong with that. No guilty feeling with that.
/r/Divorce_Men03/04/24 12:31 PM
6

If it bugs you now, move on and keeping picking from the well. So many nice and normal women out there. Life is too short not to get what you need or want. Happiness is not overrated. Settling is not an option.
/r/Divorce_Men03/04/24 12:30 PM
6

Enjoy your new positive reality!! Have some fun! Don't forget all the lessons you learned.
/r/Divorce_Men02/04/24 04:46 PM
3

Boundaries is the key here. Wait for the week to come and you will be formally and legally out of your contract of not caring for her ever again. Lean into that creating the new boundary that involves limited contact for the kids. It's the apple in the garden all over again. Stay strong and start your recovery that does not include her. Be the best father you can be to your kids. Enjoy.
/r/Divorce_Men02/04/24 04:44 PM
10

Been there done that. When she pulled the divorce trigger on me, I felt less than a man. I begged, pleaded and promised the world in order to get her back. I finally picked myself up by my bootstraps and got my man card back. I started to heal and realize my worth and my positive self-confidence was so important in my recovery. Looking back on it, I feel I needed to feel that shitstorm in order to get where I am today. It was a jumpstart of my moving on. Lean into the pain, release all the bulls…
/r/Divorce_Men02/04/24 03:44 PM
3

It will mess with your head for a while. She is still in your DNA. It takes time to get her out of your head too. Do the work on yourself and put all that energy towards her back to your healing. You are worthy and deserve to go on with your life. Work on yourself and the rest will follow. It's a marathon not a sprint. No quick fixes here. Enjoy the process.
/r/Divorce_Men02/04/24 12:39 PM
2

What an excellent plan! Godspeed.
/r/Divorce_Men01/04/24 11:56 PM
1

Forgiveness is not overrated. So nice to find your peace. Godspeed.
/r/Divorce_Men01/04/24 11:52 PM
1

"When one chooses to walk the Way of the Mandalore, you are both hunter and prey. Use that indifference to your advantage and table the hate and move on with your life. Sounds like a plan to me.
/r/Divorce_Men01/04/24 11:51 PM
1

Sorry I'm not a chatbot.. just a guy who got divorced years ago and trying to help other men get to their new reality while living their hate story.... My hate story is my anger got the best of me at the beginning. I learned to table it and use it for good. Flip the switch so to speak. Once you do that, you'll start to move on to your new reality. Not bad for a chatbot, huh? Living your hate story is fine, just for a little while. Don't vacation there!!
/r/Divorce_Men01/04/24 11:47 PM
2

No doubt. Good luck in your divorce recovery journey. Remember it is a marathon and not a sprint. Weather the shitstorm and move on to your new positive reality.
/r/Divorce_Men30/03/24 02:40 PM
2

What she agreed to and what she does on her time and you worrying about it is a waste of time. You can't people do what they don't want to do. You'll learn in time not to care about what she does. Take all that energy you are using on her and use it on your healing. You can't take care of your kids if you don't take care of yourself. 'Slow the process down'? - Nope! the emotions are not related to the speed of the divorce but directly related to how long the shitstorm last. See counseling or wha…
/r/Divorce_Men30/03/24 02:24 PM
2

Happiness is not overrated. Go get yours!! It is priceless.
/r/Divorce_Men30/03/24 01:35 PM
16

Been there done that. My ex rescinded it once and refiled a year later. Go with your gut. She'll probably pull the plug again if you do call it off. Go with your gut. Stick to the plan. Rip off the band aid. Start your healing now.
/r/Divorce_Men30/03/24 01:27 PM
5

If it was me.... time to bail. Probably any discussion with you trying to create boundaries this late in the game are going to be met with push back. But, in all fairness, talk to her and tell you how you feel and go from there. Communication is key here. See what happens. If she doesn't see what she is doing now, it's going to hard to convey it to her. Let say it doesn't change - can you be married to two people, her and her ex?
/r/Divorce_Men27/03/24 10:21 PM
2

Journaling works wonders. Write a small paragraph each day. At the end of the first week, read all the days on how you feel. Write a 7 day synopsis then. After a month or two, notice how the entries of the journals become less angry, frustrated and negative. Enjoy the process as it happens over time. It's a marathon not a sprint.
/r/Divorce_Men27/03/24 07:55 PM
12

You are not the bad guy. That is what she portrays you as. Once you let it go, and it is hard to do so, you will go through the divorce like a champ. She will continue to pick and prod you as long as you give her a platform to do so. So what you have to meet the teachers twice (not your fault), get quotes from her (again, not your fault), and so on. Setting boundaries with her and not listening to her foolishness and bullshit is necessary. My ex did that all the time and when I realize when I di…
/r/Divorce_Men27/03/24 07:51 PM
3

Awesome post, shows other men there is a pot of gold at the end of the rainbow. Enjoy your new positive reality and new life.
/r/Divorce_Men27/03/24 12:36 PM
8

Been there, done that. There is no reasoning why they do it. Anyone going through this now just realize it's just the beginning. Divorcing with realistic expectations is the place you should be now. Expect more antics and don't be surprised. She has showed her hand in the public displaying of your divorce. It's just gonna get crazier. The best offense is a good defense.
/r/Divorce_Men27/03/24 12:31 PM
2

I didn't take it as a slam at all. I understand we are in totally in different places in our journey. I have been where you are now. I know how the money issue is a big deal. I so know how it is and can be shitshow as you go through it. I feel for you brother. So hope things turn out well for you and you get to move on successfully. Godspeed.
/r/Divorce_Men26/03/24 07:17 PM
0

Oh, meeting women.... I met so many wrong women over the past years. I do hear what you are saying. I mainly met them through work (not a fan), friends, meetup.com , and just out and about. Never really did the apps, I think I was too scared from all the horror stories my friends told me. The process can be brutal. I was such a garden tool back then, it didn't matter to me one way or the other. I left quite a big pile of collateral damage in my wake. Not proud of it, but it one of the ways I got…
/r/Divorce_Men26/03/24 02:43 PM
2

I realize that 50/50 doesn't come out to 50/50 sometimes. I get it that men are concerned with the financial struggles associated with divorce. Some you have control of an some you don't. I really didn't. But once I got pass all the hurt and anger with the result, I was able to enjoy my life, move on with my healing and figure out what was next. Happiness has no price tag. But you don't realize that until later. Just saying.
/r/Divorce_Men26/03/24 02:37 PM
3

You are right. I never said bending over is a positive thing, Going in with realistic expectations is paramount in going through a divorce. Not being blindsided by an unfair judgement and not letting it break you in any way is the best defense. I pretty much had to rebuild after my divorce. But, getting the toxicity out of my life was worth every dime I lost, spent or gave to her. I found that if I concentrated on the why of getting screwed and threw my efforts in being the best father I could b…
/r/Divorce_Men26/03/24 12:59 PM
9

Like the previous guy, sounds like you have unrealistic expectations in your quest for dating. Dating after divorce should be just looking for a friend to do something with. Leading with sex and attraction will probably get you nowhere. Lead with friendship and see what develops. Keep your expectations real and enjoy the process of dating. It's a numbers game. Keep text minimal unless she leads with more. The more you date, the more fun you have. Trust me. Enjoy the process.
/r/Divorce_Men26/03/24 12:53 PM
7

Ok Ken.... Sounds like you have unrealistic expectations in your quest for dating. Dating after divorce should be just looking for a friend to do something with. Leading with sex and attraction will probably get you nowhere. Lead with friendship and see what develops. Keep your expectations real and enjoy the process of dating. It's a numbers game. The more you date, the more fun you have. Trust me. Enjoy the process.
/r/Divorce_Men26/03/24 12:50 PM
1

You can never be replaced. You are their father. Take that fear and turn it into being the best father you can be when you have them. Make everlasting memories with them. Raise them to be the best kids they can be. What she does, doesn't matter. It all about you. Take care of yourself and your kids. Nothing else matters.
/r/Divorce_Men26/03/24 12:43 PM
4

Pull the trigger, take the loss and move on with your life. Get a consultation with a attorney and make the choice. Happiness is not overrated. Totally worth the hit, the alimony, and the inconvenience. Funny, I'm a dentist and 63... Lol. It cost me a lot, but totally worth it. It was an ugly divorce but I'd do it again and pay double! PM if you like.
/r/Divorce_Men26/03/24 12:37 PM
3

Hopefully the cluster is over. Just sit back and be the best father you can be for your kids. Make precious memories during your coparenting time. Your future is bright and you deserve it. Enjoy!
/r/Divorce_Men26/03/24 12:31 PM
4

My experience, same situation. Due to an illness of hers, I'm on the hook for alimony until I retire and then it is renegotiated. Interesting. Set up for a cluster. Depends on how the judge feels and what the laws and formula is in your state. Just be ready to bend over, but bending over is nothing to the priceless gift of moving on without her!
/r/Divorce_Men26/03/24 03:15 AM
1

You both deserve to be happy and if it is happy apart, so be it. The divorce is going to hurt financially and mentally - but so worth it. Keep you eye on the prize, your happiness in a positive light in the future. It's a marathon and not a sprint.
/r/Divorce_Men24/03/24 05:36 PM
1

I agree, my ex thought she was in for a windfall of cash after the divorce. She didn't understand the concept of half! What a mistake. Not understanding that concept and trying to hurt me at every chance she could, made her not focus on the goal - healing and moving on. It cost me an arm and a leg to get rid of her, but I'd give my left nut as well if I knew the release, joy, fulfillment and positive enlightenment of my healing journey was going to provide. Thanks honey!! And a side note - I hav…
/r/Divorce_Men24/03/24 05:22 PM
2

You need to check out this website to deal with the relationship or lack there of with your daughter. Tracy is awesome. Take a look at her website... UNDELETABLE DAD
/r/Divorce_Men23/03/24 07:58 PM
2

Love is like a plant, you have to water and fertilize it or it will die. Both partners need to take an active role in this. And it is the small things that matter and fertilize it the best.
/r/Divorce_Men23/03/24 07:56 PM
6

What you are feeling is natural and real. A friend of mine said one day that some marriages have an expiration date. People just don't know it. Yours expired. Milk has an expiring date on it. Do what is best for you. Live your best life the way you want. If it is no more women then so be it.... Enjoy
/r/Divorce_Men23/03/24 07:52 PM
1

I hear you GoHorns1998! We do.
/r/Divorce_Men23/03/24 07:48 PM
1

I do agree with you the stats are against you, but isn't that man has progressed in life, taking chances. We see it in life, sports and schools. No advancements of anything wouldn't have happened if people didn't chances. I do believe you have a choice. Sit on the sidelines or go in and change the plays that always not worked. Not a dis but a reality. Some people win at gambling and some don't. The odds are always with the house.
/r/Divorce_Men23/03/24 04:48 PM
1

I had to pretty much start from scratch after my divorce, and what I know now, I would have suffered and paid more to get to where I am now. Totally worth it now, but not then.
/r/Divorce_Men22/03/24 08:16 PM
1

Doesn't matter. Not caring about her life is paramount of you healing and moving on with your life. Look at like this - she is his problem now.... laughable. Just be the best father you can be for your kid(s).
/r/Divorce_Men22/03/24 03:53 PM
3

Nope... nothing to do with women. You just got a bad egg. Just realize that the divorce will be a hard road. Sounds like my ex. She tried to break me whenever she could. I finally set back and let the divorce happen. Stay off social media, stay cordial and keep realistic expectations. She will continually act out of spite. It's all about control now. She is angry that she has no control of you. Go and enjoy your soon-to-be without her happiness. It is not overrated. PO box? I contacted my ex by …
/r/Divorce_Men22/03/24 03:50 PM
2

Have that conversation with her. Figure out if you can keep doing the trifecta of you, her and her therapist - or do you need to bail and get your happiness. I'm here to tell you that happiness is not overrated. From the outside looking in.... you have a tough road getting the ship righted again. Realize people do change, can you handle the new wife? Your decision and call. I'm all for working it out, but at some point, you have to cut your losses. Godspeed.
/r/Divorce_Men22/03/24 03:44 PM
6

I agree with DivorceDaddy... People do change. One thing you can count on is change. Either positive or negative. I learned that I can go from hating all women and think they are a waste of time to taking the time to heal myself and realize that it was one person and not an entire sex. Both sexes have assholes. I took my time and went through some crazies and had a huge sample of women. I finally found the right one and we have been together 5 plus years. Your hardened hard will soften in time.
/r/Divorce_Men22/03/24 03:39 PM
1

Peace and the accompanied happiness are the keys to moving on with your life. You are so right - dropping stress is a definite factor in healing.
/r/Divorce_Men21/03/24 07:08 PM
5

It's hard as hell to let her go. She is so entrenched in you DNA. It will be a while for you caring more about yourself and not her. She released you from your contract with her so you are free to do what you want and need to do. She has to deal with her repercussions. She made her bed and has to lie in it and on it. Take all that worrying about her and apply it to your positive new reality. Enjoy.
/r/Divorce_Men20/03/24 09:43 PM
1

Thanks for sharing. It shows other men that there is good women out there unlike their former wives. Hope is a powerful justifier for men to look forward to their healing and new life. .
/r/Divorce_Men20/03/24 09:09 PM
1

No feedback needed. You are doing great, sticking to the plan. So sad for her. Life goes on. Enjoy your new positive reality.
/r/Divorce_Men20/03/24 05:05 PM
2

You don't date to find your next partner at your fresh stage. Date for friendship and fun. Not to find the one. Every one is different. Date when you feel comfortable. And don't talk about your divorce on the first date. Wrong move! Enjoy
/r/Divorce_Men20/03/24 05:00 PM
5

Dating for fun is fun. Keep realistic expectations and be honest with them. If it doesn't work, then contestant #2 and so on. Have a blast. Easy on the drinking though. You are in control of the dating, pick and keep what you want, the rest - toss back in the lake.
/r/Divorce_Men20/03/24 04:57 PM
3

Most men have a problem with things that happens at mommie's house or during mommie's parenting time. I'm hear to tell you, the sooner you realize you have no control of either of those options, the better you'll be in your healing. Just focus on being the best father you can be when you have them. That's all that matters. The kids. Well, your healing too.... Let it go...
/r/Divorce_Men20/03/24 04:54 PM
5

Look at it as a new beginning. A new beginning for you not to be berated, verbally abused and/or being unhappy. She is giving you permission to go and get your happy without her. The kids are grown and you need to live you selfish life. The one you deserve and work so hard for. Take the financial hit because it is worth is. Start the healing and keep her is the distant rearview mirror. Enjoy your new positive reality.
/r/Divorce_Men20/03/24 04:51 PM
5

That rabbit hole is deep. It will take time to let it go. But in time you will. Work on yourself and keep your mind busy with 'your' things. Go read some sex help books, I did. And, it worked well with my dating life. No complaints. Get informed, get some confidence and have a blast in your new solo reality. Stop letting her occupy your mind.
/r/Divorce_Men18/03/24 01:41 PM
4

You've had some pretty tough times. Don't take your girlfriend for granted. Show you how you appreciate her and her efforts. Do something out of the ordinary nice for her. Enjoy your new reality and positive journey.
/r/Divorce_Men18/03/24 01:35 PM
7

Boundaries are great in this instance. Make them and stick to them.
/r/Divorce_Men18/03/24 01:33 PM
2

The only give here is that is it won't happen with her. Who know what the future holds. Don't give up. Keep your head up and start the work on you. Heal yourself and move on with your life. The possibilities are endless. Stop wasting time and energy on what could have happened and focus on the here and now and your positive future..
/r/Divorce_Men18/03/24 12:45 PM
12

Been there done that. My life experience is it's a marathon and not a sprint. Meeting women has a high element of luck. Right place, right time. Don't overthink it. Keep working on yourself and the rest will come. Being the best father you can be when you have your kids is important. The rest will follow. Patience grasshopper. Dating for friendship is always a nice place to start. You're not trying to find the next Mrs. Right.
/r/Divorce_Men17/03/24 06:15 PM
6

Separate but don't move out. Stay in the home. Sleep in another room. No need to incur additional expenses too fast. Your divorce is gonna hurt, Take the hit and move on to your new positive happiness. It's worth the hit in the long run.
/r/Divorce_Men17/03/24 03:23 PM
4

Hopefully you never date this woman again. Get your life back, kill the drinking and be the best father for your kids that you can be. They need a sober dad in their life. Learn from this an never repeat it. Choose wisely.
/r/Divorce_Men17/03/24 03:17 PM
4

Break the lock and go back home. You have every right to be there as she does. Screw her mom. Boundaries. Never leave the home unless the courts mandate it.
/r/Divorce_Men16/03/24 04:29 PM
1

If it was me... I'd start the divorce process, take the bit hit, go through all the emotions, and be the best father you can be for your girls. Go get you happiness without her, she is getting hers now.
/r/Divorce_Men16/03/24 04:02 PM
4

Copied from a post I once read: When going through a divorce, it is natural to experience a range of intense emotions, and anger is one of them. While it may be tempting to let anger consume you during the recovery process, it is essential to resist the temptation. Firstly, allowing anger to rule your divorce recovery can hinder the healing process. Holding onto anger can keep you stuck in a negative emotional state, preventing you from moving forward and finding peace. By acknowledging your ang…
/r/Divorce_Men16/03/24 04:00 PM
1

NOPE.. Boundaries my friend. Keep them and use them. Go on with your life.
/r/Divorce_Men16/03/24 03:58 PM
1

Dude, you've got to realize that your happiness is the most important. Self-care is so crucial to your going on without her. And, never stay for the kids. Just shows them a dysfunctional relationship is ok to stay in. Do yourself a favor, start the process of divorce, take the big hit and start enjoying your life. Sounds like you haven't so far. Happiness is not overrated. My ex did us a favor by pulling the trigger and I can't thank her enough! Starting over was totally worth it in the end.
/r/Divorce_Men16/03/24 03:57 PM
4

Strap in and get ready for a rough ride that is survivable. Many others have done it. Totally worth it in the end with you happiness in tact.
/r/Divorce_Men16/03/24 03:52 PM
3

All normal feelings. It will take time to get over her, but you eventually will. It's a marathon not a sprint. Do the work and realize, accept and do you new reality. Enjoy the process.
/r/Divorce_Men16/03/24 03:51 PM
14

I was 50 and three kids. They are grown and gone now. The fresh start was rough and tough at first. But, I'd do it all again to get where I am now. Totally worth it in the end.
/r/Divorce_Men16/03/24 03:50 PM
-2

I thought hell no at first. But, after dating some crazies, I found someone great and was able to pick from the bunch with a better amount of realistic expectations. Been married 6 months and I'm the luckiest and happiest man on earth! Don't give up hope. Got divorced 13 years ago.
/r/Divorce_Men16/03/24 03:49 PM
13

Tried to get the arbitrator to get me to work more hours for her to get more alimony! What a crock! Glad he didn't bite on it.
/r/Divorce_Men16/03/24 03:47 PM
5

Helping others in their plight is the key. If you help one then it is worth it. Great ramble/vent. Keep healing and go enjoy you new positive reality. You deserve it without her.
/r/Divorce_Men16/03/24 02:55 PM
20

She made her bed and now has to lie in it. Enjoy your new reality without her and be the best father you can be.
/r/Divorce_Men16/03/24 02:53 PM
6

Karma is a bitch. They don't see the forest for the trees. Great news!
/r/Divorce_Men16/03/24 02:51 PM
4

Hopefully you'll let those all go when your divorce is final, or is it? Healing will be easier and quicker when you let those go. Treading water with weights attached to your legs is a pain in the ass and dangerous.
/r/Divorce_Men16/03/24 02:46 PM
12

Wait a minute grasshopper......Not entirely so. If you don't give up and keep yourself open to love, it might happen. I'm 63 and found an awesome woman 5 years ago and we married last Sept 1st. I thought I would never find someone again. I had given up hope. Met her dancing at an 80's band concert. We clicked and kept in touch. So, there is love and a second chance out there. My kids are grown and gone, hopefully yours too. Time for you to be selfish and do what you want and get what you want. T…
/r/Divorce_Men15/03/24 03:15 AM
3

I do agree with you that the ex becomes a non factor over time. The conscious choice is not a light switch. It also works over time. So let me further explain, it can be a conscious choice for some and not others. Just like going to a convention and attending a hour-long seminar, all that is said in the meeting may not apply to you and you can take the snippets that do and apply them to your job, life and so on. I went though the exchange smirks and it took time to not let them affect me. Now, m…
/r/Divorce_Men14/03/24 04:34 PM
3

Realizing your new family dynamic is important for healing. Accepting it is much harder. That takes baby steps. It's a marathon not a sprint. There is no magic wand for you to heal. The shitty dreams, shitty thoughts and shitty situations are just part of the process of your heading to your more positive new reality. Taking it second by second and minute by minute is best. Your happy comes in small doses first and more and more over time. Be happy that you are starting a new job, a new move, and…
/r/Divorce_Men14/03/24 03:59 PM
3

She is having her cake and eating it too. She realizes she has all the power and you will do whatever she says. Stop saying yes to her and get your man card back. I lost mine in the beginning when she filed the paperwork and eventually got it back by setting boundaries and realizing that I had to start saying no in order to get through the divorce. She even wanted us to use the same lawyer!! What a crock of sh!t! Once I got my balls back, it was much better setting me up to heal from the devasta…
/r/Divorce_Men14/03/24 12:37 PM
6

Your feelings of gloom and doom are sometimes normal. Concentrating on being the best father you can be is definitely a reason to get out of your funk. Twin 4 year old's sounds like a lot, Anyone would be tired after parenting time. Getting them on a schedule when they are with you is paramount. Play time, nap time, eating, sleeping all require boundaries and hard work. But, from my eyes, taking care of them all makes it worth being tired and beat up. You are entrusted with their care and raisin…
/r/Divorce_Men14/03/24 12:31 PM
2

Good, never leave the house - only if court-ordered. Limit talking to her. It's better that way. Ignoring her during her outburst will just decrease them eventually. No responding to them is best. Get through the divorce and start the process of you healing. Lived with mine for 8 months during the divorce. It was tough but not impossible. Saved a ton of cash by not moving out.
/r/Divorce_Men14/03/24 03:33 AM
6

Nothing to understand. She should be navel lint to you. At least you realize who she is and will always be. Dodging the bullet again is good in this case. She is not done with trying to come back to you. Be ready for it again and again. Stay strong, raise you kid and be the best father you can be. That's all you can do.
/r/Divorce_Men14/03/24 03:30 AM
3

Continue being there for your kids. They need you, and will for the rest of their lives. It takes time to get the ex out of your DNA no matter who she left you for - man, woman or animal. Letting it go is one of the first steps for your healing. Lean into being the best father you can be for your kids and the rest of it will take care of itself.
/r/Divorce_Men14/03/24 03:27 AM
3

The quicker you forgive her, the quicker you can heal. Forgiveness is more for your sake and not hers. But, you don't forget. Took me a while to get there. It is a process. A marathon and not a sprint. And, it does take time. Take all that energy not forgiving her and apply to your healing. Godspeed.
/r/Divorce_Men14/03/24 03:24 AM
7

I'll raise your selfish and raise you narcissistic, self-centered and always right!
/r/Divorce_Men14/03/24 03:22 AM
9

As usual, no rhyme or reason. Enjoy your new-found single reality. That's a whole lot of 'things that don't matter because the real stuff does'. Enjoy your kids and be the best father you can be and don't engage in what she is doing or thinking. Because in the larger picture, it doesn't matter.
/r/Divorce_Men14/03/24 03:19 AM
3

Screw society norms. The only thing that matters is your happiness. Realize, find it and go get it. Enjoy the reality of being single.
/r/Divorce_Men14/03/24 03:18 AM
9

Who cares?? Focus on you. Stop giving her the control. Work on getting what she does out of your mind. Took me a while to get to that spot and it will for you. But what a nice place to be. Take that energy worrying about her and transform it into your positive healing. Working on yourself is not overrated. Enjoy the process and keep moving on. Simply simplistic.
/r/Divorce_Men14/03/24 03:16 AM
9

You have normal feelings. Enjoy the moment and don't overthink it. Dating is just fun, not to find a mate at this time. Have fun!!!!! You have plenty of time to get serious with someone. Once again...ENJOY THE MOMENT AND DON'T OVERTHINK IT!!! You deserve it. No need to feel bad if you are done with your stbx wife. Stay in your lane of healing and keep it moving.
/r/Divorce_Men14/03/24 03:14 AM
7

No time to be remorseful. Time to be the best father you can be when you have them. When they are gone.... plan for when they come back. Sitting there and what worrying about what has or is happening is worse that positively thinking how to move forward for your daughters and your life. 11 and 5.. .. there is so much to plan and do. And you don't have to spend a ton of cash, the simpler the better. Hiking, picnics, etc... Show them you have not lost your step being their father. When they are go…
/r/Divorce_Men14/03/24 03:10 AM
2

You take realistic expectations to another level. It is nice you are honest with the girls you talk to but know chances with them are none to nill. I know getting your ex out of your DNA is no small task. It takes time. Sounds like you are not ready to date yet, still loving your ex - no matter how low key it is. Take that low key love and use it for something positive in your life. Is she in low key love with you? Probably not. Realize that and start your life without her. She still has control…
/r/Divorce_Men13/03/24 01:55 PM
2

Stay on the high road, it pays off in the end.
/r/Divorce_Men12/03/24 09:54 PM
4

It's time to weed out the friends. Layer them so to speak. Friends at this point in your life are at different levels. Important ones and the non-important ones. Categorize them and relate to them accordingly.
/r/Divorce_Men12/03/24 03:54 PM
3

Great words and inspiration for others!!!
/r/Divorce_Men12/03/24 01:00 PM
1

Accept the butterflies and adrenaline as normal. The heart has a way of taking over the brain. Just keep a level head all about this. Been there don that.
/r/Divorce_Men12/03/24 12:59 PM
3

Your emotions will rollercoaster all over the place. Expect that. Hurt, sadness, anger, all of them take turns in your head. Just realize that it is totally normal and part of the process. Time will factor in with your healing. It's a marathon not a sprint. Lean into the process and take baby steps to move on with your life. The pot of gold at the end of the rainbow is totally worth it.
/r/Divorce_Men12/03/24 12:58 PM
1

Great to feel like a kid again, but make adult decisions. Realistic expectations are necessary in this phase. You didn't marry the first girlfriend you ever had and you had those giddy feelings then. Once again... have fun. Plenty of time to get serious. You might be missing something else out there. Just saying? All form experience. Wish someone told me this in my dating phase.
/r/Divorce_Men12/03/24 12:32 AM
4

Rebound dating is dangerous. Get control of your emotions. Date just for companionship not for the one again. Have fun. Date around. Too many fish in the sea just to settle for the first tuna that comes along. Enjoy the process.
/r/Divorce_Men12/03/24 12:27 AM
9

Take the high road and wish her well. You don't have to be friends but you do parent together. Being cordial is the call here. Take that energy worrying about who she is dating (which I did too, but let it go quickly) and put into you being the best father you can be. Hard to get her out of your DNA, but necessary to heal. Baby steps and moving on is possible. Make the effort to let her go, eventually. She's obviously not worrying about you!.
/r/Divorce_Men11/03/24 09:31 PM
8

I'm 63, married for 21 years, divorced for 13 years, remarried last September. Love it. There is hope. Take your time and enjoy being single. You deserve it. It can happen but there is no hurry.
/r/Divorce_Men11/03/24 05:47 PM
12

Rent that place and stay separated for a while. Get time to figure it. Enjoy your kids. Enjoy some happiness alone. No mistake by not going back. Get some counseling and figure out if you want to stay in the marriage. A timeout is sometimes a good thing. Enjoy the new place!!
/r/Divorce_Men11/03/24 05:45 PM
2

That moment when the feeling of loss flips off is sweet. You usually see it coming and it happens in a moment. It is such a great feeling. Enjoy.
/r/Divorce_Men11/03/24 05:41 PM
2

Great!!
/r/Divorce_Men11/03/24 05:40 PM
2

I communicated only with text and email. Leave the mail at a common friends house, church or a relative house. Stay cordial from afar. Go on with your life without her. Hard to do but not impossible.
/r/Divorce_Men11/03/24 02:15 AM
5

Yes... as they get older and start having things happening outside the home. Activities, sports, etc.... Just concentrate on being the best father you can be. Screw the rest. Love them up and make everlasting memories when you have them.
/r/Divorce_Men11/03/24 02:13 AM
7

The hearts wants what it wants no matter what. It will take a while to get her out of your DNA. 18 years is a long time. I was 21 years, but when I got her out of my heart, it was priceless. Like a weight lifted off my chest. So enlightening. Be cordial, fair and to the point. Time to set boundaries and move on with your life in a positive way. Time to be selfish and start working on you. You deserve it!
/r/Divorce_Men11/03/24 02:10 AM
10

Realizing what you doing to your kids is the first step of correcting it. Being a divorced single dad with multiple kids when coparenting is hard as fuck. Don't get on yourself too hard. Just strive to be a better dad every time you have them. Make everlasting memories too. Do the best you can. Like there is no guide for raising kids as a family, there is no guide for divorced father raising kids too. Learn from your mistakes and keep it moving. Do better each time.
/r/Divorce_Men10/03/24 04:24 PM
5

Clothes come in various sizes as do men. All men recovering or have recovered from divorce are different. One thing that works for one, might not work for the other. I'm all for happiness - if it is single forever then yes, if it is dating then yes, if it is getting married again then yes. Go get your happiness, no matter what it is that works for you.
/r/Divorce_Men10/03/24 04:21 PM
1

I say, work on your marriage. Counseling, group or solo. Try it and if no change then it's time to find your happiness. You are not happy. Figure out if you happy is without her. Life is too short not to be happy. No matter the cost. You'll regret not going for it later in life, if not now. Figure out what your happy is and try to get it.
/r/Divorce_Men10/03/24 03:28 PM
2

Rip off the band aid and get a lawyer. The best defense if a great offense. Get after it! Waiting just drives crazy.
/r/Divorce_Men10/03/24 03:21 PM
7

Set boundaries with your stbx and don't provoke situations that could provide them the possibility to throw down. If you new gf wants to throw hands, maybe you might rethink that friendship? Don't you have enough drama? Decrease the drama!
/r/Divorce_Men10/03/24 03:17 PM
9

Stealing her thunder, telling her that you were tired of her and her lawyer dragging their feet, and feeling like you have no control is all a wash. Save those words in your brain and save that energy for something that matters. She is checked out and you need to now. What happens with her personal life is off your radar now. Put all that energy into being the best father you can be to your 4yo and keep it moving. Go through the divorce process and move on to your new solo reality without her. S…
/r/Divorce_Men10/03/24 03:14 PM
6

And.... stay away from women that thrive on drama and women that become a project. They should come complete without any assembly!
/r/Divorce_Men09/03/24 04:12 PM
8

Date for fun not the next wife. Keep realistic expectations during the process, don't get disappointed, and don't take it seriously. You can be picky as hell, you control the narrative. You are in control of your boundaries. Had that same thing happen to me with the sex and it eventually went away. I attribute it to my being a shower and not a grower phase....
/r/Divorce_Men09/03/24 03:45 PM
3

Positive words for the others out there starting the process. There is a pot of gold at the end of the rainbow. Patience is the key.
/r/Divorce_Men09/03/24 03:43 PM
2

Accept your part in the divorce, be cordial during the process, accept the possible fairness of the courts decision. Take the opportunity to work on yourself during and after the divorce. Seems like she gave you so many chances to no avail. Take your medicine and start making the best of it. Hopefully after a time you'll get to see your daughter and start a relationship with her. Probably the stbx's decision. You can only hope at this point. You put yourself in this situation and you need to mak…
/r/Divorce_Men09/03/24 03:42 PM
2

A positive future is not overrated. Having control of your life is so enlightening and true to yourself. Pain in the front end is totally worth it in the back end.
/r/Divorce_Men09/03/24 03:07 PM
2

Way wider. Walking the line will just be confusing to your kid. Honesty is the best policy and they will respect you more for it in the long run. Counseling?
/r/Divorce_Men09/03/24 03:03 PM
7

Boundaries is your best friend. No one deserves to be physically assaulted no matter what. Build that bridge. Cut it off with the other woman, try to save your marriage,,, if not - be a decent human and divorce her. If you are happy together, then be happier apart. Being miserable all the time is not living. And you'll grow to despise her and eventually despise yourself. Screw being a man, be a human being and get some closure. Start the process if you need to.
/r/Divorce_Men09/03/24 03:02 PM
2

Stay the course, freedom tastes so good and is so worth it.
/r/Divorce_Men09/03/24 05:55 AM
1

Too many fish out there to settle on the crazies and drama mongers. It's a numbers game. The more you date, eventually you will find some quality in the sea of quantity.
/r/Divorce_Men09/03/24 05:49 AM
3

Come clean with your kid or it will bite you in the ass later. Kids are smarter than you think. Full disclosure at this age is paramount for them to heal too. Keeping blame out of the conversation is important too.
/r/Divorce_Men09/03/24 05:45 AM
1

They are gonna are a stbx for a reason. Rarely does what you are envisioning with keeping the house work. Cut your losses and liquidate fully. Your girls will do fine anywhere they live when you are concentrating on being the best father you can be. Then all the rest falls in place. Liquidate, move on and enjoy your new reality. No opportunity for regrets.
/r/Divorce_Men09/03/24 05:43 AM
10

I got divorced at 50 and had the same fears. Kids are all three grown and gone now and are productive members of society. Dated some crazies over the years and got married an awesome lady last September. There is life after marriage death. Patience grasshopper. Paying your dues of hard days, struggles and bad days is totally worth it in the end.
/r/Divorce_Men09/03/24 05:39 AM
5

The best defense is a good offense. Get your attorney quickly.
/r/Divorce_Men09/03/24 05:37 AM
9

You don't stay for the kids and you don't play nice just for the kids either. You can be civil and parallel parent. I was a parallel parent in my super bad divorce. My kids were in junior and high school at the time. And I ironically only communicated in text and email. They are all three grown adults and are no worse for the wear. Setting up boundaries for your self-care is not a bad thing. Your lawyer frowning on that crap and any therapist that tells you to fake it to make it is full of sh!t.…
/r/Divorce_Men09/03/24 05:36 AM
2

You are a true inspiration to others in their early journey down the divorce recovery path. Wishing you the best because you already have a great start.
/r/Divorce_Men09/03/24 05:20 AM
2

Realizing that two steps forward and 1000 steps back is pretty normal. Even now 12 years later I have setbacks but they are far and few between. Over time yours will get less too. Stay strong.
/r/Divorce_Men07/03/24 05:57 PM
3

Enjoy the small wins, no matter what they are. Karma is quite a bitch.
/r/Divorce_Men07/03/24 05:55 PM
2

The fact that you are in control of the kids is enough to make you move on in a positive note. Be the best father you can be for them. They deserve it, they didn't ask for this situation. Make them the priority and all the rest will fall into place.
/r/Divorce_Men06/03/24 01:39 PM
1

Sounds like it will not get better soon. Figure out if you are really done with her and start the divorce process. Splitting up the debt will probably the result. You never stay for the kids, you'll hate it. A fracture family where the dad is so happy will be the result and you can be the best father you can be as a coparent. Well worth it. No damage to the kids, the coparenting situation will be their new normal. Get your happiness now and start a good offense. Plan on taking a hit financially …
/r/Divorce_Men05/03/24 04:24 PM
2

Not all dads are up to the 50/50. Being realistic with your availability and your stamina is paramount in figuring out your coparenting schedule. Do what you can do. I had to do 50/50 because I want to see my three kids as much as I could. That's me.... It's your thang, do what you want to do.....50/50 is not for everybody.
/r/Divorce_Men04/03/24 10:58 PM
9

Enjoy the dating scene. Date with no expectations. You're not looking for a mate but looking for a friend to have fun with. There is no hurry. Dating is mostly luck. Trust me.
/r/Divorce_Men04/03/24 10:27 PM
3

Thanks for showing other men there is a positive of divorce. A reality you can enjoy with the endgame of happiness.
/r/Divorce_Men03/03/24 03:46 PM
1

Get a paternity test when the baby is born. Get a good lawyer, the best defense is a good offense. Expect a rough ride. Be realistic about the process.
/r/Divorce_Men03/03/24 03:44 PM
1

You are free of her and need to stop even thinking about her. All that matters is your happiness and being the best father you can be when you have your kids. What she is or does is irrelevant. Enjoy you new positive reality.
/r/Divorce_Men03/03/24 03:41 PM
2

The home after divorce is not what it once was. Splitting it up and moving is, most of the time, the best decision. The kids will be ok no matter where they live as long as the parents can coparent successfully.
/r/Divorce_Men03/03/24 03:38 PM
3

Been there, did that.
/r/Divorce_Men03/03/24 03:36 PM
3

Figure out if you can make it work and be happy at the same time. Do all to save your marriage, and if not, start the process of divorce. Happiness is not overrated.
/r/Divorce_Men03/03/24 03:35 PM
4

Date for friendship not for the next relationship. Realistic expectations make it so much easier.
/r/Divorce_Men03/03/24 03:33 PM
9

If my kids was involved, I would do anything to make them feel safe. Go back to court and explain the situation, go through the legal channels and try to make it work. I know it can be challenging. They don't make it easy. You go away and your kids loses. Look to the future with more time with your kid and being the best father you can be at that time.
/r/Divorce_Men03/03/24 03:31 PM
5

It will and does get better. Suffering through the pain and darkness is part of the process. Each day get a little better. Run the marathon and not the sprint. Went through the crying phase and the loneliness phase. Reach out to others, here and maybe therapy - either group or solo. It does help. Like minded people create a bond that transcends your pain and loneliness. Stay focused and keep your eye on the prize.... a new positive reality.
/r/Divorce_Men03/03/24 03:27 PM
1

Sometimes people have to be responsible for their actions. Boundaries are your friend and will keep you on the path for you happiness. Happiness is not overrated.
/r/Divorce_Men02/03/24 02:39 AM
3

Anything is possible, keep your options open.
/r/Divorce_Men02/03/24 02:37 AM
5

After going through the red flags and the 'save a hoe' phase, you definitely need some peace and happiness. Happiness does start to come after you separate yourself from your tormentor. There is peace after divorce, especially in your situation. Sound so caustic. Lean into taking care of the kids while the best defense is a good offense. Get through the process. Happiness doesn't have a price tag on it!
/r/Divorce_Men02/03/24 02:26 AM
13

You're sunk. You started the relationship with a lie. And since she high fived you with your answer, there is no need to drop a bombshell. I'd cut bait and move on. She will never trust you again. Sorry to say. Be proud to say you have kids, no one is in control of the narrative except for you.
/r/Divorce_Men01/03/24 08:03 PM
4

She is still in your DNA. It will take a while to get her out. Not engaging is the best offense. The less you engage, the less they will lash out. She will become frustrated and eventually dial it down. You are in control of this. Enjoy the healing process and you a doing a great job of being a dad. It's a new realm for us, divorced, single dad. Being positive when your have your son will speak volumes for him later in life because you know she is trashing you when your name comes up in front of…
/r/Divorce_Men01/03/24 05:22 PM
5

Work on yourself and everything centers from there. If you don't take care of yourself, you can't take care of others. One step in front of the other and one day at a time. Sounds like you already have the positive attitude already. Godspeed. Everyday is better than the previous one.
/r/Divorce_Men01/03/24 05:18 PM
2

Enjoy your new reality and freedom. It comes with some hard facts. Loneliness is a fact at first. Take care of your kid and be the best father you can be. Take care of yourself and realize that divorce recovery is a marathon and not a sprint. Therapy? Check it out. Group or solo.
/r/Divorce_Men01/03/24 05:16 PM
1

You kids will be alright. They bend while not breaking. You happiness is most important. Take care of yourself. Enjoy the healing process.
/r/Divorce_Men01/03/24 05:14 PM
7

Put that energy you wanting to date into being the best father you can be and making everlasting memories with your son. The dating thing will come. Sounds like you aren't even ready with the preconceived attitude you already have with women. You date for fun and for the next mate. Enjoy the process. Where to find them? That's the eternal questions. Online, through friends, church.... but buyer beware.. go into each FRIENDSHIP with realistic expectations. Protect your heart no matter how good it…
/r/Divorce_Men01/03/24 05:12 PM
2

stay the course taking care of your kids. Get to her when you have time and when you are ready. You set the boundaries and control. Keep that priority list. Godspeed.
/r/Divorce_Men29/02/24 10:45 PM
2

Making everlasting memories is awesome. Great dad!
/r/Divorce_Men28/02/24 04:11 PM
3

He will still have the best life. Just separately. This is the new life he will only realize. Shared custody is his reality. Be the best father you can be when you are with him. Don't worry, kids bend and don't break. My three are grown and gone and I thought the same things you are thinking about now. They turned out great and are productive members of society. Your son will be fine. You are the priority now, you can't take care of him if you don't take care of yourself. Put the priority on you…
/r/Divorce_Men28/02/24 04:11 PM
1

Things are falling into place. Good for you. Positive happenings all around you.
/r/Divorce_Men28/02/24 04:08 PM
5

The sadness does eventually go away. It leads into your accepting the fact she is gone and you need to move on with your life. Letting go of the sadness slowly is a sign of you realizing your new reality is not so bad. It's gonna hurt for a while but that leads to a sense of relief as you move on with your life. Take baby steps. One day at a time. Accept the small wins over time that eventually turn in to medium and large wins. It's a marathon not a sprint.
/r/Divorce_Men28/02/24 04:07 PM
1

If it was me.... and I did... I'd just move into another bedroom. Why increase your spending on her account? Unless you feel unsafe or unsure. Enjoy your new position.
/r/Divorce_Men27/02/24 11:10 PM
1

Yes, time management is key.
/r/Divorce_Men27/02/24 06:37 PM
3

He didn't ruin your marriage, she did. Go from there.
/r/Divorce_Men27/02/24 06:32 PM
3

Boundaries.... 'let you'. Speak up for yourself. She has all the power. Get some back in baby steps. Start with the word 'no'. My favorite word in the English language. Sometimes better than sex. She doesn't respect you and limits your respect for yourself. Start the divorce process and don't worry about what she will do to you or herself. If not, you'll be in the unhappiness for the long run. Make a play. At least get a consultation with a lawyer. You'll pay in the end, but entirely worth every…
/r/Divorce_Men27/02/24 06:29 PM
6

Words of purpose for others to use as a foundation. Priceless.
/r/Divorce_Men27/02/24 06:22 PM
3

Yes. Are you happy enough to stay in it? Figure that out and make a move if you have to.
/r/Divorce_Men27/02/24 06:21 PM
2

Never heard it put that way before. Love it!
/r/Divorce_Men27/02/24 06:19 PM
2

Whatever it takes to heal and move on - I'm a definite fan.
/r/Divorce_Men27/02/24 06:14 PM
1

Wishing you a successful trip down the road. Watch out for the potholes and speed bumps. With all of those it is a road worth traveling with the destination of healing in your new life.
/r/Divorce_Men27/02/24 06:13 PM
1

A thankless job that is realized when they are grown and gone. Such a monumental moment.
/r/Divorce_Men27/02/24 06:12 PM
1

But, I have to admit - after we did week on and week off, I did look forward to my alone time without them. I felt guilty at first but I realized how hard it was being a single parent. The guilt turned into self-care. A break I finally used to take of myself and get my things done without them around. Recharging my batteries of sort.
/r/Divorce_Men27/02/24 06:10 PM
10

Patience grasshopper.
/r/Divorce_Men27/02/24 02:37 PM
5

Thanks for giving hope to others with your story. A real pick-me-up story for the guys out there just starting to struggle.
/r/Divorce_Men27/02/24 02:36 PM
1

Nice win... removing the lock. One in front of the other. You are on your way. Keep it up!
/r/Divorce_Men27/02/24 01:30 PM
2

Enjoy the casual side of meeting and getting to know people. Realistic expectations is the key here. Accept that most women in your dating pool have issues and include deal-breakers. Sounds like you are in a good place and cut bait quick. Have fun and keep your head up and keep it moving. HAVE FUN!!!!
/r/Divorce_Men26/02/24 06:43 PM
2

First, get a lawyer and start the process. No matter what it cost you, you have to get her out of your life. If you have to sell the house so be it. Alimony, so what! Happiness is not overrated and doesn't have a price tag. It's probably gonna cost you dearly, but if you stay in the yo-yo phase, you'll never pull the trigger and you will be forever unhappy. No help, just start the best offense by striking first and being informed.
/r/Divorce_Men26/02/24 06:39 PM
2

BOUNDARIES IS THE KEY HERE! She definitely has all the power. Take some baby steps to get that back. Come clean with your therapist and take a chance they may get you out of your funk. That's what they are for, to help you. Or get another one. Make decisions you want to make. Tell your kid how your feeling. You are his dad. Happiness is not overrated. There's no contract you signed that she has control on what you do. My ex tried to lock me out of the master bedroom, but my clothes were still in…
/r/Divorce_Men26/02/24 03:38 PM
1

Yes.....!!!!
/r/Divorce_Men25/02/24 01:43 PM
5

One foot slowly in front of the other. One day at a time. Embrace you are able wake up today. Embrace you are able to enjoy the sunlight on your face. Embrace the small wins and the small wins become medium wins and move on to bigger wins. She is so deep in you DNA it will take a while to get her out. Don't let her win. You deserve happiness. Looking into counseling. Move on slowly.....You can survive without her. She does not define you.
/r/Divorce_Men25/02/24 01:42 PM
2

Glad to hear you are being above board and dishing a warm plate of respect. It was so hard for me to do when my divorce was so hard and bitter. Coparenting adds another element to it. Being there for your son and moving on with your life is awesome. Being the best father you can be to your son and making everlasting memories along the way is the ultimate goal.
/r/Divorce_Men25/02/24 01:37 PM
2

It's so nice to be able to look back on the crazy shit that transpired 14 years ago. It definitely shows a man going through it now the hope they might not have yet and give them hope for the future. Way to go.
/r/Divorce_Men24/02/24 06:20 PM
10

Two words, BOUNDARIES AND DOCUMENT. Sounds like you have to second one down to a science, but boundaries - set them and stick to them. You let her talk to you like a crazy woman! Next time she goes down that road, hang up or leave (in person). Stay or stay on the phone when she is calm. Get the control back and let this ex realize you won't take shit off of her again. Set the stage and be the conductor!
/r/Divorce_Men24/02/24 03:22 PM
9

Been there done that. Our communication was text and email only. I was moving one weekend and she didn't let the teenage boys help me. I finally had to set boundaries with our parenting time to the letter. Everyone is grown now and I am a better man for sticking to the plan eventually. It never stops, just decreases over time.
/r/Divorce_Men24/02/24 03:13 PM
8

Who cares. Boundaries.... even with your 9 year old. Sit him down and set boundaries about the play by play that happens at mommy's house. If you don't, you'll go crazy thinking about and possibly responding to every one.
/r/Divorce_Men24/02/24 03:11 PM
7

Glad to hear you're out of the HO phase. Been that done that but not to your extreme. It is sometimes a necessary evil to move on. Enjoy your new reality and kiddos. Next, is you healing more and more each day.
/r/Divorce_Men24/02/24 03:08 PM
28

Boundaries.... why even tell you are dating? Date and have fun and stop wasting time conversing with her about it. Who cares about her failed relationship. Take that energy directed to her and use it on yourself. And definitely have fun!
/r/Divorce_Men24/02/24 03:06 PM
1

As far as collecting proof for you kids later, that probably won't be necessary. Kids are way smarter than you think. They will figure out, if they haven't already, which parent is in their corner. The universe always rights itself over time. And Karma is a bitch. Proof will probably reopen wounds that were closed when they are older. Take that energy and dump it into being the best father you can be. And keep it moving. Godspeed.
/r/Divorce_Men24/02/24 03:04 PM
4

Take the financial hit and get rid of her. Start the happy dance to your new positive reality.
/r/Divorce_Men24/02/24 12:14 AM
2

First, you have to figure out if you are done. Have you done all you can to be happy in my marriage to the point to save it. If the answer is yes, start the process. She is controlling the narrative. Your happiness is more important than what she thinks, even what your kids think. Self-care is important, if you don't take care of yourself, you can't take care of your kids. Staying for the kids and being miserable is worse than you pulling the trigger. Do it, get it done, get a lawyer, don't trus…
/r/Divorce_Men24/02/24 12:11 AM
3

Comparing yourself to her never ends well. Separate those thoughts with you improving yourself without her in the picture. The best version of yourself. Continue to work on yourself and keep moving forward in a positive space.
/r/Divorce_Men23/02/24 07:58 PM
6

Always nice to realize what is important in the journey of your self-care. Godspeed.
/r/Divorce_Men23/02/24 07:56 PM
3

Stay the course. Lean into the men in this Reddit. Stay informed and stay cordial. That was the biggest part for me. But, not letting her take me out of my comfort zone was priceless.
/r/Divorce_Men23/02/24 07:55 PM
1

That is his mom. I still see mine but have no love for her. I just do my duty as a son. Almost like a empty shell. Self-care is the choice here.
/r/Divorce_Men23/02/24 05:13 PM
0

Figure out if you are done with her or want to give her another chance? If not, start the best offense with an informed offense - contact a lawyer and start the process. Happiness is not overrated. It's going to be painful, but totally worth it in the end.
/r/Divorce_Men23/02/24 05:11 PM
2

I went through that, but my mom was not supportive at all. We are experiencing problems to this day. I had to eventually just let it go. Some parents are not able to be supportive no matter what. Take that energy being mad and frustrated with you and move on with being a better father and friend in the end. You've heard how a friend is sometimes a friends for only a season, the same with parents. You're either on the bus or behind the bus bench. Sounds like he has decided for you already.
/r/Divorce_Men23/02/24 02:12 PM
3

I dated way too soon. And we were not entirely divorced yet. Doing it over, I'd just date for companionship, with the expectation of no long-term results. Jumping from the oven to the frying pan is probably not going to give you a positive result in you continual healing.
/r/Divorce_Men23/02/24 02:01 PM
7

That happy guy is still there. Your dreams and happiness is still there. They have transformed into different realities and expectations without her. Being there being a father and a friend is your direction now. This pain will go away. Wait for it. Counseling? Try everything before doing something others will regret. Life is worth living even when the chips are down... they won't be down forever. Just temporarily.
/r/Divorce_Men23/02/24 02:32 AM
1

Sound like you are the right path. The quicker you get at a distance from her the better. Concentrate being the best father you can be. Anything she does is on her. Not your problem. You have no control of her. Make everlasting memories with your kiddo and keep it moving.
/r/Divorce_Men22/02/24 08:59 PM
3

Come clean with everyone. Lawyer up and get an informed offense. Figure if you are DONE or not. Then make the necessary moves. The quicker the better.
/r/Divorce_Men22/02/24 08:54 PM
5

Lawyer up, delete the socials and hit the gym.... NICE!
/r/Divorce_Men22/02/24 08:52 PM
4

Like in a previous post, are you happy? If not, try counseling. Try everything to same you marriage, and if it doesn't work, pull the trigger. You're gonna take a big hit with alimony, but totally worth it in the end. Happiness has no price. Go get yours. You deserve. I'd do it again with starting over. And, it hurt pretty bad financially. Totally worth it. The best offense is a informed offense. Talk to a lawyer when you are ready. Expect to take a hit.
/r/Divorce_Men22/02/24 08:51 PM
4

Are you happy? Happiness is not overrated. If you are not happy, you have to do things to obtain it. It may hurt at first, you may feel like an asshole - but that is the nature of the beast. Don't engage with the intermittent fits. Keep communication and simple. Time to be selfish and work on yourself and move on.
/r/Divorce_Men22/02/24 08:47 PM
3

I kept dating women like my ex. I couldn't escape the same mold. Same old thing. It too me a few dates to realize that. I finally started to date with no expectations in order not to be disappointed. It was crazy, but fun...... Enjoy the fun, but don't take it too serious.
/r/Divorce_Men22/02/24 06:30 PM
4

Some women try to suck you back in with false accusations for years. Document, document and document. Just have realistic expectations throughout and keep it moving. Don't let it take it out of you cause for being the best father you can be to your daughter. As for as you daughter's college, give your lawyer a call. I just kept her at bay as I was trying to heal. I endured 4 years of judgement and crap. Stay the course.
/r/Divorce_Men22/02/24 06:02 PM
13

My experience, it ends when it does. My kids are not 31, 29, and 28 and back in the day of school it was a shitshow. I eventually learned to have separate parties and get togethers with my kids on my own. And I really finally figured out, it didn't even matter after a while. We communicated back then in text and email. Hardly ever on phone or person. Couldn't do it. The awkwardness does end because you won't even care. Suspend Facebook for a few months and when you get back it will probably die …
/r/Divorce_Men21/02/24 10:43 PM
1

That is so true, growing old is shit! That's when I hear when men say they are so done with women. You don't have to remarry again, but don't close yourself from a relationship altogether. Men are not meant to be alone...
/r/Divorce_Men21/02/24 10:37 PM
7

"If I were you"... I'd get rid of the girlfriend and work on myself. Get some new either group of solo therapy. You can't spend your way to healing. Working on myself was paramount of my healing. Self-care was my center and handling the anger and all the over-the-top emotions was a close second. Find your reason for motivation. Mind was my kids. Yours can be family or a friend or just you freaking yourself. Better man then a better life. Don't let her win. Take the small wins as you heal. Healin…
/r/Divorce_Men21/02/24 04:48 PM
1

I can only reply to 'if I were in your shoes' and I am a firm believer of if there are no boundaries then there can not be a relationship. No matter how good the relationship is, that fact of no boundaries will haunt you the entire time you are with them. Too many fish in the sea with good boundaries. No reason to settle here. That's just me....
/r/Divorce_Men21/02/24 01:10 AM
1

The fact you realize you have a problem is the first step. Check out some of the ways to combat anger above!!
/r/Divorce_Men20/02/24 10:47 PM
1

Not a fan of the people that told you to forgive her means being friends with her. My ex are not friends still 12 years into it. We do not communicate at all. With the three kids all grown, that makes it easy. So yes, I do agree with your 'nope, nope, nope'. She does not occupy any parking spaces in my brain, and not for a long time. What are the certain commitments these other men told you to uphold?
/r/Divorce_Men20/02/24 09:09 PM
2

Take that gangrene and keep it moving. Cure it, work on it, heal it and move on to a positive position of you new life. Letting go is so hard, but so worth it in the end.
/r/Divorce_Men20/02/24 05:44 PM
5

It's going to take a while for you to get her out of your DNA. Your happiness is coming, do the work to heal yourself and move on with new life. There will be down days to come, but the ultimate prize is for you to get true happiness after her. Don't give up. Love is still out there. She was your person for that time but not now.
/r/Divorce_Men20/02/24 05:42 PM
2

Refried beans are the bomb!!
/r/Divorce_Men20/02/24 05:39 PM
1

Here are some suggestions for redirecting anger after divorce that I experienced and discussed with divorced friends. And, I did have a quite a few friends that were divorced. - Find healthy outlets for frustration. Take up exercise, join a sports league, try meditation or yoga. Having physical outlets can help relieve pent-up emotions. I dove into my mountain biking and pickleball. Between those two, I was pretty tired at the end of each day. - Avoid using alcohol or drugs to numb your feelings…
/r/Divorce_Men20/02/24 03:49 PM
1

Simple but true words.
/r/Divorce_Men20/02/24 01:31 PM
1

rhett342, reach out for outside help. I did a group divorce recovery group and it really helped me table my anger. I realize therapy is not for everybody but it really helped me. Got the tools I needed to be able to redirect the anger and be the best father I could be. You don't have to drop the anger but redirect it.
/r/Divorce_Men20/02/24 01:29 PM
3

Not necessarily so. I have three kiddos and my love dissipated into respect from afar. I think everyone is different depending how contentious the divorce was. And mine was off the scale.
/r/Divorce_Men19/02/24 10:44 PM
6

Everyone is different. Still loving you ex is not a bad thing. She has been intertwined into you DNA for years and you just can't get her out. My love transitioned to 'wishing her the best'. I really can't tell you how long that took. I think it too a few months. Moving on with your own feelings and healing into you new positive reality is key.
/r/Divorce_Men19/02/24 10:42 PM
0

Not a waste. Any time with your kids, pouty or not with zero interest, is a win. Give an inch now and they will take a mile later. Setting boundaries while they are acting a fool is paramount. With love!!!! Been there, done that and it turned out pretty good, eventually, every time.
/r/Divorce_Men19/02/24 04:03 PM
1

Being prepared for when it comes is the best plan. Having realistic expectations really set you up for success.
/r/Divorce_Men19/02/24 03:02 PM
1

You don't right away. Baby steps, minute by minute, day by day. Concentrate on yourself and think about what makes you happy. Accept your new positive reality. Keep it moving.
/r/Divorce_Men19/02/24 02:59 PM
5

Nope. Don't sign. 50/50 decision making. Talk to your lawyer.
/r/Divorce_Men19/02/24 02:57 PM
-1

When did kids get a choice? Take him on the trip and enjoy yourself. Teenage rebellion is a crock. You are the dad and what you say goes. It's not a democracy but a dictatorship. A dictatorship with love and kindness.
/r/Divorce_Men19/02/24 02:55 PM
1

What are some of the positives in you life now. You probably can't see them because of the anger. Concentrate on the positives and over time, the anger will dissipate. Work on yourself to move on and accept your new positive reality.
/r/Divorce_Men19/02/24 02:53 PM
1

I can see that happening. But, most men that step into a dad/father-figure role don't abuse the kids. It is a sad state that mom's don't recognize when that happens and the results can be catastrophic.
/r/Divorce_Men19/02/24 02:51 PM
3

Stay the course for your kids and your happiness. Enjoy your new reality.
/r/Divorce_Men19/02/24 02:48 PM
7

Success stories are awesome. This is what happens when people take the high road. Congrats!
/r/Divorce_Men19/02/24 02:47 PM
3

I know it is hard not to wonder why. But over time the wondering why will be less and less important to you and you accept you may never hear she has remorse or regret. Raising those three kids is number one in your life now.
/r/Divorce_Men19/02/24 02:44 PM
1

I hear you. When you have a contentious divorce, it's so hard not to know when you are going to step on landmines and cause the ex to go off. I love your three general rules to keep the bullsh!t to a minimum.
/r/Divorce_Men19/02/24 01:52 PM
1

Been there, done that. It takes a while to get to the mental space for you not to worry about what is she doing. Concentrating on your kids and creating everlasting memories is the key to surviving.
/r/Divorce_Men19/02/24 01:48 PM
1

Awesome. The fact you have a plan and stick to it will make your process smoother for years to come.
/r/Divorce_Men19/02/24 01:43 PM
0

It is a shame, but totally worth it. My three are grown now and I now know if I would have stayed in the marriage, it would have sent the wrong message to them about being happy. I'd do it again. You are right about being a logistics engineer especially when you have multiple kids. School, practices, concerts and etc. makes you definitely improve your juggling skills.
/r/Divorce_Men19/02/24 01:41 PM
3

Turn that anger in being the best parent you can be. Appreciate her for letting you go, she sound like a POS. You don't need that in your life. Start the recovery process, get some counseling, go to a group therapy session. Do something to get out of that anger mode. Soon you will not even care about the why she never explained to you.
/r/Divorce_Men18/02/24 08:31 PM
5

Give it some time and stick to your guns. Be the best father you can be and create everlasting memories with your kids.
/r/Divorce_Men17/02/24 09:54 PM
1

You never stay for the kids. You happiness is paramount and you are not happy. Get divorced, get through the pain, heal and start to enjoy your new reality. Be the best father you can be and make tons of memories with them. The kids will appreciate you more in you happiness away from their mom than you realize. A toxic situation is not a place to raise kids. Go forth....
/r/Divorce_Men17/02/24 04:56 PM
1

Easy answer... leave it alone and move on with your life. Take all that energy and use it for being the best father you can be. Let that shit go. Because you really have no control what goes on at her house and you'll go crazy thinking about it or trying to.
/r/Divorce_Men17/02/24 04:48 PM
1

Stay the course. Relax and enjoy the ride and don't be so hard on yourself. So many men out there are not even getting 'some'. Seek help if it persists. But for now, have fun....
/r/Divorce_Men17/02/24 04:45 PM
2

The reason 'why' will dominate divorced men's minds till the end of time. Once you realize she is done with you and you need to move on - you will suffer just like you stated in your post. That is totally normal. She is still in your DNA, it takes awhile to get her out. You have nothing but time. Baby steps here, start doing what you want to do for you. Start being selfish with your time. Take care yourself.
/r/Divorce_Men17/02/24 04:42 PM
5

Yep, you are going to the cleaners. But, whatever the cost, it is worth is getting her out of your life. I have 3 kids and got abused 12 years ago. I hurt bad at the beginning - but now it was totally worth it getting her out of my life. I had to rebuild my business and pay a ton of alimony. From my perspective now - I do it all again with a smile on my face. Endure the pain and first and finally realize it will be worth it.
/r/Divorce_Men17/02/24 04:37 PM
2

Enjoy your new reality. Two years ago was your rebirth, she actually did you a favor but you won't realize it for years to come. Congrats.
/r/Divorce_Men17/02/24 04:34 PM
2

Great story and outcome. It proves that there is a pot of gold at the rainbow, you just have to be patient and do the work on yourself.
/r/Divorce_Men17/02/24 04:32 PM
4

Because all women are not the same. You need to heal yourself before you get back into the dating pool And when you are ready, date just for friendship and fun. Someone to go to the movies with, not a potential mate. Keep it simple and keep realistic expectations. There is hope down the road. I go remarried to a great lady last Sept after being single 12 years. Keep your chin up!
/r/Divorce_Men17/02/24 04:30 PM
4

Stop giving her space in your brain. Move on with your life. I know it is hard to get her out of you DNA, but over time it won't be so hard. Look towards a better future without her. Letting her go is difficult but necessary.
/r/Divorce_Men17/02/24 04:28 PM
1

Pretty normal. They become less and less over time.
/r/Divorce_Men17/02/24 04:26 PM
3

Take all those parking spaces filled with her in your brain and empty them. Sounds like you are thinking about her 'next move' instead of your next move. It's all about you and your son. Making memories and enjoying your new found reality. It is so easy to get caught up with the ex's antics when you should be focusing on is you. You can't take care of your son if you don't take care of you. What are you doing to make yourself better? You need to put your oxygen mask on first (when the plane goes…
/r/Divorce_Men17/02/24 04:22 PM
1

Try counseling. Try it all before you pull the divorce trigger. But, happiness is not overrated and you never stay for the kids. Sounds like you two are just friends and are existing together. You'll have to figure out when you are done with that situation and want to move on. You'll know.
/r/Divorce_Men17/02/24 02:33 PM
1

There is always hope. Get out of the house. You have to be there for your kids. Keep on living and getting better each day with baby steps and small wins.
/r/Divorce_Men14/02/24 10:39 PM
7

Totally worth it. Be the best father you can be. Listen to you lawyer.
/r/Divorce_Men14/02/24 10:24 PM
3

You have to go!!! Hands down. No questions.
/r/Divorce_Men14/02/24 10:22 PM
5

It's hard to get her out of you DNA, but over time what she thinks will wane. Work on yourself and start to enjoy your new reality without her. The sooner you get her out of the parking spaces of your brain, the better.
/r/Divorce_Men14/02/24 04:06 AM
1

Bottom line, people and kids survive the divorce. You never stay for the sake of the kids and you deserve happiness without her if it needs to be. Figure it out and make a move! All the rest of you questions will answer themselves.
/r/Divorce_Men14/02/24 04:02 AM
6

Enjoy your new reality without her. Too bad, so sad. Happiness is not overrated. Keep it moving.
/r/Divorce_Men14/02/24 04:00 AM
1

Every man is not meant to be alone, but some are. Let me clarify that. Being someone is not for everyone.
/r/Divorce_Men13/02/24 12:17 AM
4

Excellent question!!! No but I have met 75 year olds and younger that wished they had been more proactive in opening their hearts for another relationship.
/r/Divorce_Men09/02/24 09:13 PM
1

It's all fun and good until you're 75 and you have no one to live for or with. King of the lonely hearts. Man is not meant to be alone. Used to think that way until I got lucky and met someone who fills that void with love and presence. Trust me, luck is a big part of it.
/r/Divorce_Men09/02/24 09:01 PM
4

Time to consult a lawyer. Get your ducks in a row just in case. The best defense is a good offense.
/r/Divorce_Men06/02/24 02:43 PM
2

Congrats!!!!
/r/Divorce_Men06/02/24 02:42 PM
2

At this point, it doesn't matter. Take all that energy you a dealing with her not apologizing and put it towards you and your moving on. So what if she never apologizes, what does that prove or disprove? You are giving her space in your brain that could be replaced with better thoughts - moving on with your new reality, enjoying your family and friends, making new memories, feeling better about yourself and other positive things happening in your life. You can't control other people, just yourse…
/r/Divorce_Men06/02/24 02:41 PM
4

Hopefully the divorce is in the process. Get a 50/50 parenting plan and listen to you lawyer. Do what is best for you, not her. Happiness is what you decide, she is not in charge of your happiness. Sounds like she won't be happy no matter what. Start ignoring her and move on with your life. Throw your worrying energy about her into the best father you can be for your kids. It's all about you and them, not her.
/r/Divorce_Men05/02/24 11:25 PM
3

It's a non-factor. It happens. If you girlfriend has a problem with it, apologize and keep it moving. Chalk it up to the time were with your wife.
/r/Divorce_Men05/02/24 09:05 PM
1

Never stay for the kids. You happiness is the most important. If you are not happy, that affects the way you parent. Get a lawyer and make the plunge. Hurts at first then you'll kick yourself for not doing it sooner.
/r/Divorce_Men05/02/24 04:47 PM
1

Take all that energy and direct it towards the kids. She isn't going to change and she will always dick you around if you let her. Communication via text and email would be best here. That's what I did, couldn't stand the sound of her voice. Make the kids priority and all the rest is just fluff. Time is on your side. Don't let her suck you back in. They are an ex for a reason.
/r/Divorce_Men05/02/24 04:44 PM
2

Just realize you will have setbacks. That's normal. Take a step back, regroup and step back into it as you were before the trigger. No sympathy needed.... just realize you are human and will make mistakes.
/r/Divorce_Men05/02/24 04:41 PM
1

You didn't fail, you realized that there was another reality where you can raise your child and be happy at the same time. This doesn't happen right away, but in time you will embrace your new reality and be better for it.
/r/Divorce_Men05/02/24 04:39 PM
1

Glad to hear you came out the other side in a positive position. Enjoy your new life.
/r/Divorce_Men05/02/24 03:40 PM
2

Revenge is such a waste of time. Work on yourself instead of letting her occupy your mind with crazy sh!t. Start to enjoy your new reality.
/r/Divorce_Men05/02/24 03:37 PM
4

Everyone you love you don't have to live with. Therapy? You can't change or fix other people, just yourself. Take all that energy in the above post and start to work on yourself. It's your time to shine and accept and enjoy your new reality.
/r/Divorce_Men05/02/24 02:59 PM
2

Hey torn... It is hard to pull the trigger. You have to decide when you have had enough, obviously your haven't yet. I'm here to tell you that happiness is not overrated. It's so hard for you to fathom that now. Wasting your life away is not doing you any good. Did you try therapy first? Try it all and make a decision for your happiness or she will 'excuse' you for the rest of your marriage. That's a long time!
/r/Divorce_Men05/02/24 02:57 PM
3

Her choice not yours. Good luck.
/r/Divorce_Men05/02/24 02:54 PM
3

Put your energy in your mini me. Don't ever disappoint him. Make those awesome memories with him. Go Chiefs!!!
/r/Divorce_Men05/02/24 02:53 PM
3

Happiness is not overrated. You have to figure out when you've had enough. Therapy? Try it all then decide if it is time. My kids had a broken home and turned out awesome adults. Kids survive. You never stay for the kids. They and you will eventually resent it.
/r/Divorce_Men05/02/24 02:52 PM
9

Who cares. Worry about things you can control. Put all that energy into raising your kids and making memories. Be the best dad you can be.
/r/Divorce_Men05/02/24 02:06 PM
6

It doesn't matter who left who or whom. Put your energy into your daughters. Make everlasting memories and keep it moving. You can't control your stbx, only yourself. Wasting time figuring out whom left whom is counterproductive. Enjoy your new reality.
/r/Divorce_Men05/02/24 02:03 PM
2

Golf
/r/Divorce_Men04/02/24 06:52 PM
0

You hate is normal. Residing in it too long is the problem. Realize the hate. Why do I hate? How can I move on from the hate and make positive changes in my life to get to a positive state? Spin that sh!t and start your new journey.
/r/Divorce_Men03/02/24 05:34 PM
1

Are you happy? Do you deserve happiness or do you deserve all the crap she drops on you constantly? If so, stay in it. If not - start the process Happiness is not overrated. It cost me an arm and a leg but I'd get divorced again for the happiness I have now..... You be the judge.
/r/Divorce_Men03/02/24 05:32 PM
2

You did win. She eventually showed her true colors. 14 months is not enough time to really learn about someone. As you saw. Keep realistic expectations with the next one. And there will be another. You don't date for another wife, you date to have fun and do things with people. Don't make the same mistake three times!
/r/Divorce_Men03/02/24 05:28 PM
2

Make it easy and realize that you can't control what happens at her house and even control her responses to you wanting to coparent. You just need to be the best parent you can be when your have kid. Making memories with them supersedes her actually co-parenting with you. Accept her ridiculous behavior and do the best you can. It eventually gets better.
/r/Divorce_Men03/02/24 05:26 PM
1

Go about dating just to meet people and have fun. You are not in it to look for the next wife. You need to be healed enough and worked on yourself enough to even start dating. Having someone to go to the movies with or just to do things with is great. Enjoy the dating process and keep realistic expectations.
/r/Divorce_Men03/02/24 05:23 PM
3

Yes it does. I've been where you are now and it was worth all the pain, sleepless nights, anger, judgement and heartache to be able to move on to a positive state. Consider all those negatives as stepping stones to your new reality. It is a glorious place when you arrive. Happiness is not overrated.
/r/Divorce_Men03/02/24 05:21 PM
1

Who cares. Move on with your life. Use that energy you worrying about her and direct it to your future life and healing. Dealing with her sh!t just impedes your moving on. Make it easy and stop giving her space in your brain. It's all about you. Besides, you can't control other people. Just yourself. Move on.
/r/Divorce_Men03/02/24 04:51 PM
11

Start a daily journal. Take up painting or drawing. Learn to play a musical instrument. Explore photography. Try your hand at pottery or ceramics. Take a dance class. Start a podcast or YouTube channel. Join a hiking or outdoor adventure group. Take up knitting or crocheting. Learn to cook new recipes. Join a book club. Volunteer at a local charity or organization. Learn to code or develop a new tech skill. Take a martial arts class. Write a book or short stories. Start a garden. Learn to medita…
/r/Divorce_Men03/02/24 04:48 PM
7

Karma is a dished served hot. As you see, it eventually comes.
/r/Divorce_Men03/02/24 04:46 PM
7

Live for your daughter. She needs a dad, a father to help raise her. Get a lawyer, start the process and start feeling better and gradually get some happiness. It's not overrated.
/r/Divorce_Men03/02/24 04:44 PM
3

Get a lawyer and start to see your kids, period. Nothing else matters now!
/r/Divorce_Men03/02/24 04:42 PM
5

Stick to the process and legally get rid of her. Your happiness is not overrated. Dangling sh!t is a waste of time. Pull the trigger and move on with your life. Take the hit and get some happiness. It's totally worth it. I lost a lot, but totally worth it!
/r/Divorce_Men03/02/24 04:40 PM
5

Sounds like you will have to get child protective services in the mix. The most important thing is the safety of your son. Document, document and document. Start the process sooner than later. Even start the process without her. Make contact, tell them what is going on, and stick to your guns. Better to do something than to regret it later. She is not going to be any help. Been there, done that. Take the reigns with this.
/r/Divorce_Men03/02/24 04:38 PM
3

Love my mountain and road bike!
/r/Divorce_Men10/01/24 03:43 PM
5

Working on yourself is good no matter what. Any reason to keep working out is good. Motivation is so hard in or after the divorce process. Staying active is the key. Hiking or just walking each day is great. As far as meeting other women, that will come when you probably are in a better mindset. I'm 11 years out and dating for a while and just looked at it from the fact of hanging out with some friends with no intention of marriage. Start to have fun and don't take it too seriously.
/r/Divorce_Men10/01/24 03:42 PM
7

Sounds like sex is very important to you. Happiness is not overrated. If your happiness involves divorcing and moving on to better sex then so be it. In order to move on with no regrets, give it your all trying to work it out, seek help and therapy. If no.... then time to get your happiness. I divorced early 50's and it was a sexual trove of ladies out there. Weed through them and date with no purpose. Eventually you will find someone you will mesh with sexually, mentally and spiritually. Go get…
/r/Divorce_Men09/01/24 10:48 PM
2

Figure out if you are done with the baby momma. I suggest therapy instead of bouncing around all over the place. Me, I'd get rid of dating and sleeping with anyone until I worked on myself. It just makes things messy - just like what you have now. Godspeed.
/r/Divorce_Men09/01/24 06:29 PM
4

Make an appointment with your doc and get some answers and suggestions. I dealt with that too. Mine was more nerves. Eventually it went away.
/r/Divorce_Men09/01/24 04:04 PM
6

Doesn't really matter. What happens in her house you have no control over. Put your energy into raising your son by being the best father you can be and the rest is fluff.
/r/Divorce_Men09/01/24 04:03 PM
6

A butt load but totally worth it. I'd do it again for double the price. Happiness is priceless.
/r/Divorce_Men09/01/24 04:01 PM
6

Great to hear a positive story on Reddit. There are so many happy endings with divorce. I am glad to be one of them too. Enjoy your new and exciting life!
/r/Divorce_Men09/01/24 04:00 PM
1

Forgiveness was very hard for me. I wasn't close to forgiving until recently. I don't advocate turning the cheek either, but forgiveness is not forgetting. Not letting that situation happen again and learning from it is part of it. Once I forgave her, there was a boulder lifted off my chest. No more wondering why and thinking about her. So much better now.
/r/Divorce_Men09/01/24 02:04 PM
2

Struggled with anger also. Finally attended a divorce recovery small group seminar in my city. I eventually learned how to table my anger and direct it to more energy for raising my kids, hanging with my friends and taking care of myself. Getting rid of the anger allows you not to let her win. Anger issues is directly tied to forgiveness. Forgive but don't forget. Forgive yourself and move on. Forgiveness is for you and not for her. Enjoy your new found reality.
/r/Divorce_Men07/01/24 05:31 PM
1

People are all different in this space. If you're questioning yourself, then you are not ready to date. Put your energy to being the best father you can be. Trust me, the women will always be there when you are ready.
/r/Divorce_Men07/01/24 05:27 PM
6

Why are you still giving her space in your brain? Move on with your life and worry about being the best father you can be. What happens in her life shouldn't affect you. Move on and enjoy your new life. Get her out of your DNA.
/r/Divorce_Men07/01/24 05:25 PM
2

If you are not ready to date then don't. Take the time and energy to work on yourself. Single therapy for healing and decide if you want to stay married to a woman dating another guy. Get some clarity, start the divorce process, process the pain, lean into the pain and eventually go get you happiness without her.
/r/Divorce_Men07/01/24 05:22 PM
2

If being a grey rock allows you to create boundaries and handle your ex better, so be it. The guild feelings will eventually go away. Time is on your side. Got and start to enjoy your new reality.
/r/Divorce_Men07/01/24 05:19 PM
3

It's hard not to feel responsible for other people's bad decisions. It's a learned process. Your happiness is the most important here. You figure out if you're happiest with or without her. If staying in the same situation with her then so be it. If not, then start the process. I didn't think I could survive the divorce but I did and I'm so happy not. It was a pain in the ass and hurt like hell but was totally worth it getting the ultimate goal of happiness.
/r/Divorce_Men07/01/24 05:17 PM
7

If you're not ready for a new relationship, then don't have one. The old saying an ex is an ex for a reason, is perfect here. She was in your life for a long time and is still in your DNA. It will take a long time to get her out. Work on yourself. Get therapy if you have to start to enjoy your new reality. You have so much to look forward to instead of keeping looking in the rear view mirror.
/r/Divorce_Men07/01/24 05:08 PM
1

I've learned, no matter what the cost, you can't put a price on happiness. They are just things, moving on with your life is priceless. Let go of all those concerns, lawyer up and start the process.
/r/Divorce_Men07/01/24 05:04 PM
3

Lawyer time to get control of the situation. Run all those scenarios by them and see what sticks to the wall. Your happiness is so important. Staying in a relationship while not wanting too is actually bad for your health. Start the process, realize it's going to be a pain in the ass and hurt like hell but totally worth it.
/r/Divorce_Men07/01/24 05:02 PM
7

She is deeply in your DNA. You have to be committed to leave and heal yourself. Happiness is not overrated and she is preventing that. Sounds like she is not that person for you no longer. Self-care, even if it causes to leave, is not overrated either. Taking care of yourself is paramount to continue in life. Time to move on. Godspeed.
/r/Divorce_Men29/12/23 08:36 PM
13

Boundaries... do the same for all the children. No exceptions. Her problems are not yours. Stay the course and keep it moving. Saying no sometimes is better than sex...
/r/Divorce_Men28/12/23 01:41 AM
2

Nope and more nope. You get that mindset that you deserve better and the cream of the crop and you score big. When you're ready put you toe in the water first. Every date is not marriage material. I got some life-long friends from dating. Enjoy the process and don't limit yourself. Way more single women out there than men.
/r/Divorce_Men28/12/23 12:49 AM
2

Yep, she doesn't. Time to work on yourself. Go accept you happiness by any means necessary - therapy, a trip, new place... whatever it takes.
/r/Divorce_Men27/12/23 11:53 PM
5

The point is that you have a space and a place in the world and you do matter. Your value is a 10 and will be always a 10 no matter what. All that shit you are going through is extra. I had to start from scratch with the alimony and child support I paid. Was down and thought the end of the world was near. 13 years later, rebuilt my job situation, kids grown and productive and just married a great partner 4 months ago. Been where you are and I'm hear to tell you, even if you don't listen, putting…
/r/Divorce_Men27/12/23 11:51 PM
4

She still has control of you. Step back and see if you like that and want to keep giving her control or move on with your life. You have to decide. Maybe you are not ready to let her go and that ok, but no in the long run. Time to move on and start to enjoy your new reality.
/r/Divorce_Men27/12/23 11:46 PM
2

Weigh your options and do what is best for you. Period!
/r/Divorce_Men27/12/23 11:45 PM
2

Hard to get the ex completely out of your DNA, obviously. You are divorced for a reason. Lean into that reason and move on with your life without her. Hard to do but not impossible. She obviously doesn't about you..... your happiness is not overrated without her.
/r/Divorce_Men27/12/23 11:43 PM
1

Yep, time to make a move. Happiness is not overrated.
/r/Divorce_Men27/12/23 11:41 PM
3

Once again.... enjoy the small and big wins. Your situation is also the exception and not the rule. Work on yourself first before getting out there. Small group, large group or private therapy may be in your future. Getting back out there broken just attract the same or more broken women. Trust me, there are so many single women out there, you will have no problem meeting them. That should be the least of your worries.
/r/Divorce_Men27/12/23 11:40 PM
1

He has to come to you. You don't want him to shut down. It's his life and you have to respect that. You are already stepping up to the plate by caring. Listening when prompted is best.
/r/Divorce_Men27/12/23 11:38 PM
6

Karma is a real bitch. Enjoy but do not relish the win. Put it in your pocket and live you best new life with the kiddos. What happens to her is a distant memory. Make new memories with your kids. Your situation is the exception and not the rule. Enjoy.
/r/Divorce_Men27/12/23 11:36 PM
2

Your kid doesn't know better. All you can do is be the best father you can be to child you can be. You can only control you, not the lawyers, not her and not even the judge. Her job is to break you to any extent she can. Sounds fuck up but true. Your job is not let her see you stress no matter what she does. Hard to do at first but so priceless in the end. Been there, done that. She is so out of my life and the kids are grown and gone. She breaks you, she wins and in turn is cutting her own thro…
/r/Divorce_Men27/12/23 11:34 PM
6

Happiness is not overrated. I say never stay for the kids and don't stay for the lifestyle you are living now. You'll grow to regret your decision. If you know you are done, rip off the Band-Aid and start the process. A smaller lifestyle is better with happiness. Whatever you lose is totally worth it.
/r/Divorce_Men22/12/23 04:01 PM
4

Lean into the pain and use it for good. Concentrate on being the best father you can be during this process. Journaling and working on yourself is great. Stay the course. The payoff in the end is priceless.
/r/Divorce_Men22/12/23 03:59 PM
2

Enjoy and relish in the small wins. They will come more frequently in time.
/r/Divorce_Men20/12/23 08:50 PM
1

Time to enjoy the hell out of your freedom!! Godspeed.
/r/Divorce_Men20/12/23 08:49 PM
1

Pull the trigger when and if you are ready. I did three months ago and it was the best decision I've ever made!!!
/r/Divorce_Men20/12/23 08:48 PM
2

She's still in your DNA, you still care about her. She made her bed and has to lie in it. Take all that ex family dynamic energy and use it to be the best father you can be when you have them. She has to handle her watch and you handle yours for the time being. Life your life and keep healing.
/r/Divorce_Men20/12/23 08:03 PM
1

Two things: 1. Don't depend on your ex on helping you out and 2. You don't go broke raising your kids. They don't have to have a car or go to college. Trade school is a viable option. You raise your kids within your means. That means if you can't pay for all of college, they get some skin in the game and take out student loans. You kids are in the middle but do they have a place to live, eat and are they provided for? Then you are doing a great job. If all you do is take care of your kids and sa…
/r/Divorce_Men20/12/23 08:00 PM
1

Lean into your extreme shame, and humiliation. It's going to take a while to get her out of your DNA but it will eventually come. Be there for you kid. Be the best father you can be. What she does and is doing will be a distant memory but it does take time. It doesn't last forever. You only control on how you react to her and how you live the rest of your life..
/r/Divorce_Men20/12/23 07:14 PM
3

Your boys are the most important thing in your life right now. Second is your healing. Work on yourself and take all that worrying about a new relationship energy into being the best father you can be. Why worry about what hasn't happened yet?
/r/Divorce_Men20/12/23 07:11 PM
1

How much is your happiness worth? You have to ask yourself that question. You have to be the deciding factor. I've been divorced for 13 years and it cost me a lot, but totally worth my happiness now. I'd do it again. Tried counseling yet? Try everything before making a maybe necessary decision.
/r/Divorce_Men20/12/23 07:09 PM
1

New or old ones? The old ones should have the same boundaries as before and the new ones set the boundaries that you want to set. You have the control.
/r/Divorce_Men20/12/23 07:07 PM
2

There's no way to tell if you judge will be fair until the dealing is done.
/r/Divorce_Men20/12/23 07:05 PM
2

Recovering from sadness is working on yourself. She is still in your DNA and will be hard to get out of it for a long time to come. Each day is baby steps in your divorce recovery until you can eventually run. Godspeed.,
/r/Divorce_Men18/12/23 11:44 PM
2

A rock and a hard place here. Both you kids are pretty much grown and have made their decision to side with the mom. Not much you can do at this point. Been there done that. All that energy you are worrying about the kids you need to spin that and concentrate on your therapy and your self-care. The kids have to come back to you on their time. You can't and shouldn't try to force that. It never turns out good. I know the pain is sometimes unbearable but this will pass. You can't make people do wh…
/r/Divorce_Men16/12/23 05:43 PM
1

Great question. Just let them be there for you. Let them set the boundaries of the conversations with their questions. Don't overthink it. Just let them be the friends they are. They all went through different level of craziness in their respective divorces. Respect that and enjoy their company.
/r/Divorce_Men16/12/23 05:34 PM
13

Enjoy the big and small wins in your journey. The universe does right itself eventually. Two steps back and then three steps forward. Congrats. As far as the friends, they show their true colors too by bailing on your in your time of need. Time to clean friend house... oh, they are doing it for you! No need to make an effort. I pretty much had to rebuild my finances and it was totally worth it getting out of that marriage.
/r/Divorce_Men16/12/23 05:31 PM
3

Gonna be a bitch at first, but soon you'll be able to enjoy your new reality without her.
/r/Divorce_Men13/12/23 09:33 PM
7

Now that you realize that you weren't fucking crazy, take all the rest of the energy giving a shit what she does and use it on yourself. You gotta wash that car before you wax it. Get you into a safe and productive space in order for you to start the healing process.
/r/Divorce_Men13/12/23 09:08 PM
1

Better to always keep the vision forward and just learn from the past. I have no doubt the everlasting memories will come to you soon. As for the failing them, you did the best you could under the circumstances. Accept that and keep it moving.
/r/Divorce_Men13/12/23 09:04 PM
2

Did that once back in the day and totally regretted it! Stay the course.
/r/Divorce_Men12/12/23 10:06 AM
1

Enjoy living your best life without her. Keep it moving.
/r/Divorce_Men12/12/23 10:02 AM
1

You need two separate living situations in order to adequately heal. Moving on is tough if you see her every day and night. You are divorced for a reason not a season. Cut the cord.
/r/Divorce_Men12/12/23 09:57 AM
1

Dating too soon is a hard one to define. If you're having fun and you two enjoy each other then I say go for it. But as in terms of getting serious and getting married again - I say pump the brakes. Take a few years to 'guard your heart' .... why hurry???
/r/Divorce_Men12/12/23 09:54 AM
1

Hard to face but you never stay for the kids. You grow to resent it in the end. Happiness is not overrated. You raise better kids when you are happy rather than when you are miserable. You have to decide when you are done and pull the trigger. Do your research, talk to a lawyer and go from there.
/r/Divorce_Men12/12/23 09:49 AM
2

Have a frank conversation with her about the sex. You have to decide if it is a deal breaker for you or can you still stay with her as the sex declines. Trust me, it's gonna get worse before it gets better. What is your breaking point. Happiness is not overrated.
/r/Divorce_Men12/12/23 09:43 AM
1

You're gonna have to find some balls and come clean with her. Sounds like you still need to work on yourself and you started dating way too soon. Dial it back and get some therapy and start to heal from within not trying to heal through someone else. Been there, done that....didn't work too well.
/r/Divorce_Men12/12/23 09:39 AM
9

Keep the need to know basis... they don't need to know.
/r/Divorce_Men12/12/23 09:34 AM
1

You would have never been enough.. She actually did you a favor. Now, in time, you get to enjoy your new positive reality without her on your side sucking the life out of you. Be no means is it a easy journey but totally worth it.
/r/Divorce_Men12/12/23 09:30 AM
5

Hard to do but take all that negative thought on your ex and put it into being the best father you can be. Time to create everlasting memories with them. Mine are grown now and that's what I did to my best ability. I have no regrets doing that. I was consumed in what she was doing first then I realize what was most important here.... me and the kids.
/r/Divorce_Men12/12/23 09:21 AM
1

I agree with your friends and family. Go create your own life, not next to hers. One of my friend's ex moved a few houses from her and she hated and still hates it and the kids are grown and gone!
/r/Divorce_Men05/12/23 03:52 PM
2

Never put your hand back in the snake bag. Keep it moving.
/r/Divorce_Men05/12/23 03:50 PM
1

Be there for yourself and for you future child. It will take time for you to get over her. But it does happen. Every ending has a new beginning. Your heart will repair itself and heal. Lean into the pain, experience all the negative emotions while eventually turning them into positive experiences. Learn from this devastating storm. Every time the eye passes over, regroup and appreciate what you have and not dwell on what you don't. There is a positive lining, even you don't see it yet, someone t…
/r/Divorce_Men05/12/23 03:46 PM
2

It was tough. I knew I had to be there for my kids, my coworkers and my friends. I couldn't let them down. When the plane goes down, you have to put your oxygen mask on first then your kids. It's the same with divorce, you have to take care of yourself in order to take care of others. Forgiveness was the final key. Letting go of all the anger, hurt and negativity and moving on with my life through forgiveness. That anger thing was the hardest to let go. I did a small group divorce recovery group…
/r/Divorce_Men05/12/23 03:08 PM
1

13 years later, I got the kids raised into productive lives. I got married a few months ago to an awesome lady. All that probably couldn't have happened if she didn't throw me to the curb. I'm am appreciative at this point.
/r/Divorce_Men05/12/23 03:03 PM
1

Time to set realistic expectations and boundaries. My favorite work in the English language is 'no'. Men need to use it more and mean it. As far as the picking fights, don't engage. There is no fight with one person fighting. Good luck.
/r/Divorce_Men02/12/23 09:27 PM
1

The job is most important? Open communication with her and leave when the job wants you. See where it goes from there. Decide if she is a lover or a roommate?
/r/Divorce_Men02/12/23 09:21 PM
1

Have fun and keep what you're doing. Enjoy life. Are you parents or any relatives paying your bills.... then kick rocks!
/r/Divorce_Men02/12/23 09:17 PM
2

You go two great kids out of the deal that now you have to co-parent with and create productive adults too. That will become you focus eventually. You can't make someone love you, want to be with you or even like you. The mindset change that comes later down the road will free you of the feeling of being robbed and it turns to, after she does some crazy shit, she did me a favor. Trust me.
/r/Divorce_Men02/12/23 08:51 PM
3

Anytime you get time with your 4 year old is precious. I do get you need time for yourself but the minute you convey to her that she is getting to you with this child parenting time, you lose. It's all about control, control of you, control of the situation and the control of the narrative. As soon as she sees she has to control by you not negatively responding, things will calm down. Been there, done that.
/r/Divorce_Men02/12/23 08:39 PM
1

Mot importantly, take care of yourself. In the long run, it doesn't matter what they think of you. But, I do realize that is a hard pill to swallow. You can't make people love you or even like you. Their on the boat or in the water especially being grown adults.
/r/Divorce_Men02/12/23 08:36 PM
3

Stay and work on it until you are DONE! Then embrace the idea that happiness is not overrated. My ex pulled the trigger and did me a favor. 13 years later, I'm in a much better place. Go get yours! Sounds like you're planning your work and working your plan. Being prepared is more than half the battle.
/r/Divorce_Men02/12/23 08:32 PM
3

When my kids were younger, I only communicated through text and/or email. Her voice on the phone would make me sick to my stomach. It worked, kids are grown and gone. I hear ya man. It's all about the kids now. Take care of yourself and your kiddos.
/r/Divorce_Men02/12/23 08:30 PM
4

Been there, done that. My divorce 13 years was crippling in all avenues - socially, financially, psychologically and emotionally. I felt the world was coming to an end. I thought I had nothing to live for. But eventually, my three kiddos were my light. I only saw them every other week, but it was the best weeks of my life. I learned to let go of the anger, hurt and pain directed from and to my ex. You talk about renting space in your heart, from my aspect giving them parking spaces in your brain…
/r/Divorce_Men02/12/23 08:26 PM
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