Losing your man card?

Classic_Dill · 2024-06-06T23:16:26+00:00

You should’ve actually felt more like a man! Go look at the research and go look at the percentages, considering most men go through this, that put you in the majority! Congratulations, lol 😂

Any-Div-6055 · 2024-06-05T15:59:24+00:00

The thing that bugged me was how many people aligned with her. I think society favors women as the underdog. Or worse, society assumes a woman only leaves because of a horrible horrible life. Men are the villains. Women are the survivors.

She claims all of that. She had a horrible life. She is a survivor. I've seen her write "Jenny marches on" on check memos and elsewhere.

In reality, during the marriage, she spent like crazy, didn't cook, didn't clean, didn't work. She wouldn't change diapers when the kids were young. And she refused to help me teach them basic stuff like hygiene and how to brush their teeth. This was across the board. But I'm going back to beginnings just to give a "for example".

She's still spending like crazy and burning through the settlement. Meanwhile, I'm putting my kids through school entirely by myself. She has all these new toys and doesn't obligate herself beyond throwing them $100 every two months.

She'll probably go on government assistance once she hits the bottom of the money. And I'll end up supporting her in yet another way.

I'm very private and rarely share like she does. I mean, anonymously on reddit is one thing. Social circles are entirely different. The only people who know are my parents.

So this kind of thing gets under my skin. It shouldn't. But it does. Not to victimize myself, but I feel ganged up on. I had to basically reinvent large parts of my social life.

Future-AI-Dude · 2024-06-05T15:24:39+00:00

I feel more like a man having embraced myself and let go of my STBEX controlling, hypocritical and manipulative ways. Staying made me feel like less of a man and more like a placemat.

I had my man card when I was born, lost it in the wash that was marriage, and found it crumpled up, but salvageable, in those wet jeans pocket.

Learning to be me. Learning that I don't need a woman for that or to try and mold me into someone I'm not or who society thinks I should be. I feel more like a man now as the divorce gets closer to finalizing.

Good luck mate!

roshi-roshi · 2024-06-05T11:39:55+00:00

Right now my biggest fear is being alone and just getting my shit together to stand like a man. I was never much into that kind of thing, but I do think I lost some of my manliness in my marriage. That was probably part of the problem. There might be something to this notion of women wanting men to be leaders. I don’t know. Society’s roles for everyone are so confusing these days.

who_tf_woke_me · 2024-06-05T09:04:46+00:00

I'm married.

My wife wants to have a "sit down and talk" tonight, after I gray rocked for a couple of months.

I feel like I lost my man card, my personality, my optimism, my humor, my friends, my hobbies, my time, my money, my freedom, my life to a person who doesn't find me attractive and doesn't appreciate much the stuff I did or still so for her.

I was a gentle, loving, understanding boyfriend, I'm an engaged dad who loves his kids, a provider and a decent husband who up until 6 months ago still cared very much. Only to be treated like a toddler or an indentured servant.

I'm about to get my man card back.

coffeefrog92 · 2024-06-04T22:15:46+00:00

I think this points to something that a lot of men experience. These are my thoughts on it, and I admit beforehand that this is nothing original. And I'm speaking in generalities here:

Your wife married you because she believed you were THE man. She believed this because your compelling personality and lifestyle drew her into something that she wanted to be a part of.

You, being the faithful and loving husband that you were, devoted yourself to your wife. And when you had kids, you devoted yourself to the family. You put in long hours to provide, you made sure you were physically around to support your wife and family, you sacrificed things that made you THE man in the first place.

In a cruel twist, the very things you did to make your wife happy slowly erased what made you the man. And over time, the image she had of you in her mind was erased too. She probably began to act in a way to compell you to give more evidence that you weren't in fact the man that she believed you were.

I'm speaking about all of us here, not you personally, OP.

My point being, nobody can take your man card. We might give it up, but it can be reclaimed.

We should always remember not to let our identity be subsumed into anybody else. Because we only have any kind of control over ourselves.

Now, our wives are gone, but hopefully our children are still in our lives. So let's be the men that they need us to be. So our sons know what a good man is, and our daughters know what kind of man to marry.

Thevinegru2 · 2024-06-04T20:01:46+00:00

I’m still coming to grips with the fact that most women, even in 2024 with alleged equality, basically see men as their cash cow/handy man and all they have to do is show up with a vagina. It’s honestly pretty hard to accept.

stupididiot78 · 2024-06-04T18:36:18+00:00

I went the exact opposite direction. Lying to me so you can sneak around with a other guy behind my back? I don't think so! She kept doing it and I tried to make it work for a while but she said no. That was the last straw that finally broke me and turned me into a man who isn't going to take her shit anymore. Any time she's tried to get me to do anything I actually have a spine now so I tell her no. There's no way I could have been that much of a man back then.

l3landgaunt · 2024-06-04T18:19:37+00:00

I felt like a failure when she dropped the “I don’t love you anymore” bomb, but as soon as she spent time living out of the house I became a new man, energetic, getting things done, super dad stuff. Now I realize I’m a better man without her even though the divorce is really just beginning legal wise

Dwro1234 · 2024-06-04T17:31:56+00:00

Wtf is a "man card"? We aren't middle schoolers here.

Nothing external should make you feel more or less of anything.

UbiquitousFlounder · 2024-06-04T17:10:54+00:00

I instigated our divorce, and I actually felt similar. I felt people would judge me for being true to my feelings and not trying to save the marriage. All that stuff about being stoic and not acting impulsively definitely made me feel less masculine.

MonarchistExtreme · 2024-06-04T16:53:18+00:00

I kind of did at first but then, for me, realized that was an unhealthy way of looking at the problem. Mistakes and betrayal of my ex wife have nothing to do with who I am as a person. It was her personality defect. I just focused on learning how to be alone. I turn 46 this year and looking back, I've had a girlfriend and then later a wife every year of my life since I was 16. It wasn't that I was just so amazing with the ladies, I put a premium on having a partner bc I didn't like being left alone with myself. I tolerated a lot of bs from women just to be able to say that I had someone.

Been alone for 5 years now and getting stronger every day. So in my view, it wasn't that I lost my man card so to speak but I never had it until now.

potatotornado44 · 2024-06-04T14:33:20+00:00

It’s not so much losing your “man card“, it’s that society offers men zero support or assistance in the case of divorce.

Women are allowed to go out and celebrate their newfound freedom, have divorce parties, and blast it all over social media.

They are showered with support and offers of assistance. If a man does it he’s “angry”, “petty”, and not a “good man.”

It’s all bullshit, of course.

Title	Losing your man card?
Author	DivorceRecoveryMen
Upvotes	18
Comments	30
Date	June 4, 2024 1:56 PM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1d7xsk5/losing_your_man_card/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/losing-your-man-card.1520539 https://theredarchive.com/post/1520539

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