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View 3 posts and 449 comments by potatotornado44 on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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Upvotes Title Category Author Subreddit Date (UTC)
18

potatotornado44/r/Divorce_Men28/04/23 07:33 PM
13

potatotornado44/r/Divorce_Men09/04/23 09:43 PM
10

Success Storiespotatotornado44/r/Divorce_Men16/09/24 11:38 PM
Upvotes Comment on Subreddit Date (UTC)
1

“you can’t take care of your kids if you can’t take care of yourself” This is so true. This often gets me downvoted on here, and other subs. Everyone is always “kids come first“ no, that’s not true. You come first. You. You need to have your life in order, you need to have your emotional and mental shit in order. You’re no good to your kids if you’re a freaking mess. Also, he WILL stop thinking about her. He WILL get over her. She’s not the only woman in the world, despite what a lot of women wo…
/r/Divorce_Men17/10/24 12:07 AM
1

Oh boy, you are in for a ride. Just know that all of us here have survived, and a lot of of us are thriving. I’m two years out from being served, and over a year out from final. I stay on the sub because I feel that guys come here in desperation after they’ve been blindsided, which many of us were. “Find herself”means she’s screwing or wants to screw other guys. Sorry to be so blunt, but that’s what’s happening, and you have to just accept it. Know that oftentimes women will run through a series…
/r/Divorce_Men17/10/24 12:02 AM
3

Separation keeps you in limbo. This is likely half of your problem. Get a lawyer, and get the divorce process over with. It also sounds like you could probably use some help from a professional therapist. No shame in that. Take care of your shit man. You’re only sitting still right now because you are choosing to
/r/Divorce_Men16/10/24 11:26 PM
12

I hate to tell you this, but your former life is over, and it’s never coming back. Longing for the past is only going to delay your future. This obviously wasn’t your destiny, it wasn’t meant to be. Who’s to say your new life will not be better? Mine sure is. Yeah, it sucks that what happened happened, but you’ll get to a place of acceptance like I have. It’s not going to happen by itself though. You have to make it happen. Start thinking of the future rather than the past. Make a plan for what …
/r/Divorce_Men16/10/24 10:28 PM
4

Bring a lawyer to mediation, or you’ll be paying one later. This was my mistake.
/r/Divorce_Men15/10/24 02:34 PM
4

Nope. Not a word. While my divorce was still in process I went camping by myself on what would have been our 15th. I had a great time and didn’t have to put up with any of her BS. Now that’s its final, that date comes and goes with barely a passing thought
/r/Divorce_Men15/10/24 02:33 PM
16

You are experiencing the new relationship endorphin rush. You are literally intoxicated and not thinking right. Give it at least a year before you would even consider marrying this person no matter how amazing you think she is. Congrats on finding someone though. It’s nice to see another guy on here who is happy
/r/Divorce_Men14/10/24 02:47 PM
2

Known her since we were teens. Platonic friendship then. We both married other people and didn’t talk for over 20 years. Always knew she was special and went through phases previously of having a crush on her. Never said anything though. So as soon as my divorce was approaching final I contacted her, just to see what she was doing. Turned out she was divorced going on 7 years and currently single. I shot my shot and to my delight she reciprocated. Been together for a year now. I have 2 teens and…
/r/Divorce_Men08/10/24 11:28 PM
17

Stop hitching your wagon to this ass of a woman. She’s gone. She’s never coming back. Doesn’t matter why. You need to focus on what matters to you. Your new life can be whatever you’d like it to be, but hanging onto your former life is not ever going to be productive.
/r/Divorce_Men08/10/24 11:18 PM
12

Women are allowed on our sub but we’re not allowed on theirs. This will always be my reply until Reddit changes the rules.
/r/Divorce_Men07/10/24 05:17 PM
2

It’s a process. You’ll get there. I have my own place now, an amazing girlfriend, and I’m happier than I’ve been in decades. I still sometimes miss the family unit and having the kids around all the time but the emotions are much more manageable now. The ex? I barely think about her.
/r/Divorce_Men07/10/24 05:10 PM
1

Myself and my current girlfriend still have ours from our former marriages. It’s an artifact as far as we’re concerned. We obviously don’t wear them but it happened, it’s part of who we were and led us to where we are now. Over time the sting goes away and if I ever need some quick cash I could always sell it.
/r/Divorce_Men07/10/24 04:14 AM
6

Because guys are whipped, that’s why. The moment my divorce was final, the ex became not my problem anymore. If she is going to do something that affects her health like that, then she shall suffer the consequences. I’m not going over there, I’m not going to try to help. Even if she called me crying and saying that she was about to die Id tell her to call 911 and hang up the phone. When it’s over, it’s over. I owe her nothing.
/r/Divorce_Men07/10/24 04:03 AM
11

She’s not your problem anymore. End of story. If she’s going to neglect her own health and do things which she knows are dangerous to her, let her suffer the consequences. Again, she’s not your problem.
/r/Divorce_Men07/10/24 04:01 AM
4

Couples counseling made me see that my ex was bat shit, crazy, so I guess it worked, in a way.
/r/Divorce_Men03/10/24 10:39 AM
2

It’s psychological. Happened to me just after the divorce was wrapping up. I got a script for Cialis and that took care of the issue. Since I’m in a much better place now, I don’t need it anymore.
/r/Divorce_Men01/10/24 05:13 PM
3

Stop co-parenting. All it does is give 100% of the power to women. Parallel parenting is the way
/r/Divorce_Men30/09/24 10:48 PM
-4

Out of respect for the other person (their other parent), you shouldn’t be telling the story without their input. Just because the child is now an adult, doesn’t mean they have a right to know. Leave the past in the past.
/r/Divorce_Men30/09/24 10:07 PM
6

Every night when I come home to an empty apartment, I thank my lucky stars that she isn’t sitting on the couch, or bitching about the daily things she always used to bitch about.Some call it solitude, I call it freedom. I have never been happier in my adult life.
/r/Divorce_Men30/09/24 10:05 PM
18

She told our therapist that the only reason we got together was because we liked to drink, party, and go to concerts. I’m like “that’s it?” She didn’t say anything. Then the therapist asked her if she loved me, and she replied “of course I love him, he’s the father of my children”. The therapist told her she was dodging the question and she said that was the only answer she had to give At that point, anything I felt for her went away. I consider myself lucky that I fell out of love with her too.…
/r/Divorce_Men27/09/24 12:32 AM
13

Read your marital settlement agreement. I’m in Illinois, and as far as alimony and retirement goes, there is language in there that states “ this matter is settled forever.” Unless she can prove you concealed something, all she’s doing is talking. Ignore her. Until you get a summons to appear in court, tell her to go stick her head in the sand.
/r/Divorce_Men24/09/24 04:54 PM
22

There’s nothing you can do about it legally. What I would say, is be friendly with him. Introduce yourself, have a conversation with him, act like he’s an old buddy. As much as it might pain you to do it, do it anyway. It will drive your ex absolutely crazy. Then, when he’s not around, tell her that you really like him, and you see a lot of yourself in the way he is. Let the trash take itself out
/r/Divorce_Men24/09/24 02:22 PM
1

Until she starts using TextNow or another anonymous number to send you threats, etc. This is why I insisted on using OFW
/r/Divorce_Men22/09/24 01:40 AM
11

Despite what a lot of these people on the sub are telling you, you don’t have to make nice with your ex’s family just “for the kids“. You do what you feel is appropriate. I would suggest conveying in some fashion (not in person) your condolences to the family, and leave it at that. Also tell the kids that you’re very sorry about the loss of one of their grandparents and that you are always there for them if they need to talk about how they’re feeling. This woman showed you the ultimate sign of d…
/r/Divorce_Men21/09/24 12:11 AM
5

It’s a big step that most of us didn’t want to take, but be proud you did. It gets easier with time. One of the worst parts of divorce is now behind you. Enjoy your new place. I went from a 5 bedroom house to a one bedroom apartment, but I couldn’t be happier here.
/r/Divorce_Men20/09/24 02:46 PM
1

Sometimes traveling for work or relocating is the only option. You also have financial obligations to the child, and likely have to maintain their health insurance. I agree that 3 is very young to be gone for long periods of time, but that doesn’t make him less of a father.
/r/Divorce_Men18/09/24 07:59 PM
2

They are without sin. Even when they cheat it’s somehow your fault.
/r/Divorce_Men18/09/24 03:19 PM
1

Most divorce attorneys offer free consultation. Every situation is different and depends heavily on your circumstances. If you really believe that you can work things out I’d at least give it a try. Always “cheaper to keep her”
/r/Divorce_Men18/09/24 03:19 PM
5

If you want to DM me that’s fine. I’m sure I can find a way through several apps that we can talk. I’m more than a year out from final, but I remember very clearly how things were in the beginning.
/r/Divorce_Men16/09/24 11:48 PM
4

I lost the kids in the divorce, so it’s just me these days.
/r/Divorce_Men14/09/24 03:29 AM
2

Same with me and my my ex. We had built a nice life together, all our dreams had been realized. Then she meets a woman at her gym who is going through a divorce. All of a sudden, my ex has all these new divorcing friends. Next thing you know, my ex starts putting up a bunch of little inspirational quotes on post-it notes in her home office. Things went downhill from there. Next year she has to sell our “dream home“ and move with the kids to something much smaller. She’s already whining that she …
/r/Divorce_Men12/09/24 10:32 AM
11

Now she’s going to go through a multitude of new sex partners looking for the “spark”. She’ll never find it and will eventually end up alone feeling dirty and used. Then she might try crawling back to you. Don’t open that door ever again.
/r/Divorce_Men10/09/24 10:40 AM
24

Hate to say it, brother, but that meeting was calculated. She’s trying to get you to swoon over her to gain advantage during the divorce. The men on this sub have seen the same story many, many times.
/r/Divorce_Men07/09/24 08:10 PM
12

Everyone telling you to suck it up and go to the party “for your daughter“ is wrong. 100% wrong. You are not married to this woman anymore, and are under no obligation to attend an event with her and her new boyfriend. You are divorced. You now have separate events for your child. Especially with the way you still feel, attending that party would only make things worse for you emotionally. Everybody says kids first, but that is wrong as well. You first. If you’re a mess, you are no good to your …
/r/Divorce_Men04/09/24 07:58 PM
1

This right here is why women with children on dating sites get swiped left every single time.
/r/Divorce_Men04/09/24 12:31 AM
3

5 times???? There is NO excuse Get your shit together or you will rightfully lose your kids.
/r/Divorce_Men31/08/24 12:35 AM
8

Get through it brother. There is life after divorce. I’m 2 years out from where you are, and just over a year from final. I’m honestly happier than ever and I’m doing great.
/r/Divorce_Men30/08/24 05:22 PM
2

Then just let her say her thing. So many women are emboldened by the fact that they have girl parts and have never been held accountable for anything. I just love seeing their faces when they are actually called on the carpet for stuff.
/r/Divorce_Men27/08/24 12:59 AM
7

You need to have a judge order you both to use OFW for all communication. It will drastically cut down on the noise from your ex.
/r/Divorce_Men26/08/24 02:22 PM
4

Looks like you’re having a turkey TV dinner by yourself, bro. Lots of us have done it. Either that or raise the funds to fly to see your family. Holidays are just another day.
/r/Divorce_Men21/08/24 01:58 AM
0

I don’t put up with addicts (currently sober or not) and their lying. They are only one bad day, or one uncomfortable moment from picking up the drink or drugs again. They cannot be trusted, ever.
/r/Divorce_Men20/08/24 10:28 AM
-4

Nope. Once a drunk, always a drunk. All rehab does is teach people how to control their impulses and practice abstinence. It doesn’t change the person they are, and it doesn’t address the reason why they were drinking in the first place. All of her mental and emotional problems are still going to be there. The person she was when she was blackout drunk is who she really is. Sobriety only hides the demon.
/r/Divorce_Men19/08/24 11:01 PM
4

Wait, I can explain… Nope. You’re cooked!! 🤣
/r/Divorce_Men19/08/24 10:19 PM
13

Get out now. The longer you’re married, the longer you’ll pay
/r/Divorce_Men18/08/24 02:52 PM
6

Stop worrying about social media. Retain a lawyer and file for an emergency custody hearing
/r/Divorce_Men14/08/24 10:24 AM
8

She is not an ideal partner. Stop saying that. Stop thinking that. She is a cheater, she is neglectful, dismissive, and does not love you. This is not your person. Get rid of this trash.
/r/Divorce_Men14/08/24 10:20 AM
2

This is the way.
/r/Divorce_Men13/08/24 12:13 PM
13

We all die alone. Learn from the past and move forward.
/r/Divorce_Men13/08/24 10:24 AM
19

This woman sounds like a real piece of garbage. I would keep your discussions strictly about the kids. She is not your friend. She broke up your family. What the hell are you doing being her shoulder to cry on? You need to focus on your new life. Staying close with her is going to do nothing but prevent you from moving on, even though you think you are, it doesn’t appear so from the outside. You don’t have to kiss this woman’s ass to have a good co-parenting relationship, or put up with her furt…
/r/Divorce_Men12/08/24 07:54 PM
7

Everyone telling you that you can get better and go seek help might mean well, but they’re 100% wrong. If you have made this decision about yourself, the best thing you can do is make sure your child has a support system in place. I feel that I am not a good father either. I’ve been to tons of therapy, medication, all of it. It’s just not something I’m good at, and if you’re not good at something, you need to recognize that and take steps to do what is best for your child. I know a bunch of you …
/r/Divorce_Men11/08/24 04:58 PM
0

You “feel that the children deserve to have both parents in their lives and you never want to take that away from her”. For the sake of the children, you absolutely need to take that away from her. Alcoholics, drug addicts, and people who behave recklessly do not get better. You can come at me all you want with the “people can change “stuff but that is BS. The kids need a stable home, and parent they can count on. Do whatever you need to keep her away from them. You will never forgive yourself s…
/r/Divorce_Men11/08/24 03:35 PM
1

They need to start packing their lunch at home. I hardly even spend $100 a month on lunch for myself at work.
/r/Divorce_Men09/08/24 10:34 AM
1

Parallel parenting is the way to go. I’m not co-anything with my ex. I’ll parent as I see fit.
/r/Divorce_Men06/08/24 02:37 PM
7

Stop falling for it. Make up some shit that will get her jealous if you like. This is the problem with remaining friendly and civil. It makes it more difficult to move on. My ex and I are non-verbal. I demanded it, even though we didn’t have any real arguments. We only text about things related to the kids. I know nothing about her daily life anymore, and I couldn’t be happier.
/r/Divorce_Men06/08/24 02:36 PM
0

You can stick it, just don’t stick around.
/r/Divorce_Men06/08/24 02:29 PM
4

Sounds like he was the disadvantaged one
/r/Divorce_Men06/08/24 10:40 AM
3

She’s not going to be your friend, and not the quality of woman you want for a relationship. However, keep her in orbit. This is a made-to-order FWB situation.
/r/Divorce_Men06/08/24 10:30 AM
1

$200 total a month for elementary school lunch?!?! Are you sure?? Are you on the app that lets you see their purchases? Something smells like bs.
/r/Divorce_Men05/08/24 03:00 AM
1

They’d be packing their lunch then. No way in hell. I was only allowed to purchase lunch a couple days a week
/r/Divorce_Men05/08/24 02:55 AM
3

You’ll have to weigh the cost of half their lunches to the cost of keeping the peace. I pay for half their (2 kids) lunches in addition to child support. If it goes above $20 a month then I’ll say something to the ex, and she’ll usually agree to tell the kids to rein it in because it costs her money as well.
/r/Divorce_Men04/08/24 02:22 PM
3

Once somebody cheats, it’s over. not only did she cheat physically, it’s obvious that she has a strong emotional bond with him. Staying around is just subjecting yourself to more abuse and disrespect. It’s time to speak with a lawyer, like tomorrow. If she did it once, she will absolutely do it again. No matter what she says, or how much therapy you go to.
/r/Divorce_Men03/08/24 03:31 PM
3

I moved to a more affordable area of the country. There was nothing else I could do. I wouldn’t have been able to afford child support and a place of my own. My parenting agreement states no overnights with non-family members, so roommates are out. My apartment where I’m living now is $1000 less a month than it would be where I’m from, and I can now afford to travel once a month to see the kids while still having some money for myself. Shit situation, but I didn’t choose these circumstances. Doi…
/r/Divorce_Men01/08/24 02:41 PM
-1

Trust me, I could’ve gone the same route as you, but I chose something else. This woman was my whole world for over 23 years, but when I realized that she didn’t want me, I realized that I didn’t want her either, and looked for greener pastures. I found them with an old friend from high school who I was really close with and hadn’t talked to forever. I reconnected with her, and went after her full force. Much to my surprise, she was into it. We’ve been dating for almost a year, and I’m so happy …
/r/Divorce_Men30/07/24 02:03 AM
2

Congratulations brother! You have far better days ahead. Put her out of your mind, and continue to do what you’re doing.
/r/Divorce_Men30/07/24 12:59 AM
20

Never trust a woman, only trust yourself
/r/Divorce_Men26/07/24 04:20 AM
20

I don’t know, and I don’t care. You know why? Because it never mattered to me. I focused on myself and my self-worth as a man. I don’t give a shit what she did. I was only concerned with what I was going to do. This is the lesson all you guys who obsess over some bitch who doesn’t want you need to learn. This stuff drives me nuts. I’ve been through it, I know it sucks, but stop thinking about her, grow a backbone, and start building your new life. Wallowing in depression and thinking about what …
/r/Divorce_Men26/07/24 04:13 AM
–

I’m sorry to hear that you’re going through this brother, but we are here for you and many of us have been through similar situations. You’ll come out on the other side of this better than you think. Keep your head about you, stay off social media, stay away from the alcohol. Don’t respond to petty bullshit from her, her family or friends. Radio silence. Sounds like you need to speak to a divorce attorney as soon as possible. She can’t just go full custody, fathers have equal parental rights.
/r/Divorce_Men24/07/24 02:43 PM
12

Always be prepared to live life alone. We are born alone, and we die alone. If you have people in your life you can truly trust, and who care about you, you are blessed..
/r/Divorce_Men23/07/24 12:30 PM
2

If it is undiagnosed long enough it certainly is
/r/Divorce_Men22/07/24 05:07 PM
2

Only if you know you have it.
/r/Divorce_Men22/07/24 05:07 PM
12

Women have their own subs. Unless you are in a same-sex marriage, this is not the place for you.
/r/Divorce_Men21/07/24 06:11 PM
-1

Cheater cheater, now she has a death sentence. Hope it was worth it
/r/Divorce_Men21/07/24 06:08 PM
18

She’s saying the worst possible things imaginable. She’s lying to everyone about everything. They believe every word. You will probably lose all your mutual friends and even some of your own family to her side. It happened to me. There’s nothing you can do about it. All you can do is move forward, focusing on yourself. I’m thankful for every person whom I’ll never speak to again. They have shown their true colors and even years down the road I will not forgive them or ever allow them back into m…
/r/Divorce_Men19/07/24 02:39 PM
2

My advice don’t go to mediation without an attorney, and if that’s the case, just get an attorney and go the collaborative divorce route. A mediator is just going to take your money and then when you file, the attorney you use to file your paperwork is going to find all sorts of problems and end up charging you just as much or more as mediator.
/r/Divorce_Men16/07/24 02:34 PM
9

“Be a good man” is a manipulative tactic used by women and their families to let them off the hook for their bullshit, and guilt you into doing things which you do not owe them. Signed, a very bad man who is super happy in his new life.
/r/Divorce_Men11/07/24 05:05 PM
17

Typical female behavior. She’s losing her safety net. I experienced this myself, and if you take a step back, it’s really awesome and satisfying to watch.
/r/Divorce_Men11/07/24 02:43 PM
8

You don’t even have to agree in most states in the US. Common law marriage is a law put in place that only benefits women. It’s sexist, it is wrong, and all common law marriage laws should be abolished.
/r/Divorce_Men11/07/24 01:54 AM
7

There has never been a woman imprisoned for nonpayment of child support. Wonder why that is? Problem as well is that if you are a man in prison for nonpayment of child support, you will effectively never be released because there’s no way for you to start paying child support.
/r/Divorce_Men11/07/24 01:53 AM
18

There is no such thing as the right woman. Someone you pick in her 20s could turn into a stark raving lunatic in her 40s. If you don’t comply with the orders, you will eventually be put in prison. There is only one way a man can truly practice noncompliance, but I will get banned from the sub for saying it.
/r/Divorce_Men11/07/24 01:51 AM
6

Moving does not equal giving up on your kids. Most of the time it means saving your own life and sanity. The only way I was able to pay my obligations and have some money left over for myself was to leave town. I see the kids almost once a month so not a big deal. It’s only two days less than I would see them if I still lived in the same city.
/r/Divorce_Men10/07/24 11:29 PM
1

You can do whatever you like, this woman doesn’t own you. If you have no separation agreement and are not in the process of divorce, all the money is joint funds, spend it as you wish.
/r/Divorce_Men10/07/24 11:06 PM
2

Bro, I had that exact issue. The first time I tried to get with my current girl the nerves were so crazy that it just wasn’t going to happen. She totally understood and we did lots of other stuff, but yeah, embarrassing. I went onto that Hims website and got a script for Cialis, and it hasn’t been a problem since. I don’t take them if I’m not going to see her, but sometimes I’ll take a couple just for fun because it’s awesome to get random hard-ons at 48. Makes me feel young . Haha
/r/Divorce_Men07/07/24 04:13 AM
1

I looked to the past. Several women came out of the woodwork on Facebook after I announced that I was divorced. it’s funny how that works. So I had a couple of flings, had sex with a couple different women to break the slump and then built up the confidence to get out there. My story is a little different. There was a girl I was close friends with, strictly platonic in high school, but reconnected with her and we got along really well so I put it out there, and to my surprise she was game. This …
/r/Divorce_Men07/07/24 03:53 AM
1

I wanted her to change it back, but she refused, and there’s nothing legally I can do.
/r/Divorce_Men07/07/24 03:05 AM
3

That’s no good. Another female divorce lottery winner.
/r/Divorce_Men05/07/24 09:21 PM
1

Share please
/r/Divorce_Men05/07/24 09:17 PM
16

My ex always thought that the grass was greener, but she didn’t realize that she was looking into my yard. A year out from final disposition, and I am living my best life. I don’t even think about her. She is completely irrelevant. All that matters to me is myself, my new, more attractive girlfriend, and my kids.
/r/Divorce_Men05/07/24 08:42 PM
8

Tell her to go fuck herself. It’s a public area and you can film whatever you want. As a matter of fact, make sure you tell her to go fuck herself on camera. I wanna see her reaction.
/r/Divorce_Men05/07/24 07:47 PM
4

It’s really funny how women’s boundaries are to be respected 100% and never questioned, but men’s boundaries are “unrealistic“. The nerve of some of them is just off the charts. If it’s not going to work out with this woman, dump her. Women love to try and make us feel like we’ll never get anyone else, but there are millions upon millions of women out there. Too many women are infected with “only woman in the world“ syndrome. Believe me boys, they are a dime a dozen.
/r/Divorce_Men05/07/24 01:37 PM
13

You go back to court for an adjustment. This is totally commonplace. You need to speak with an attorney as soon as possible to get the ball rolling. You’re not the one who needs to make it work, she needs to make it work. If your pay decreases, so does hers. That’s life.
/r/Divorce_Men04/07/24 04:26 AM
3

You’re fucked. Another blue state that has divorce laws which are 100% anti male.
/r/Divorce_Men03/07/24 12:47 PM
1

Alimony and child support are financial calculations. Of course a man can get alimony.
/r/Divorce_Men28/06/24 05:20 PM
3

Mods of other subs have banned me simply for participating in this sub. Reddit is mostly hot garbage
/r/Divorce_Men28/06/24 05:06 PM
8

She’s only saying the decision was hard to try and gain favor and avoid conflict with you. This person is no longer your friend, and you have to start looking at them as a legal adversary because that’s the reality. Be ready for her to trash talk you to everyone she knows. Weather you deserve it or not. You will likely lose all of your mutual friends. Sucks, but I say this so you’re not blindsided like I was. I know it’s hard in the beginning, lots of emotions involved. You need to keep in mind …
/r/Divorce_Men27/06/24 02:45 PM
2

This has to be illegal. Revenge porn? I would contact the police and bring every bit of proof you have. Imagine if you did that to her. You would probably be in jail already. Disgusting what women get away with.
/r/Divorce_Men26/06/24 02:34 PM
7

Spousal support as well. Get every penny you can. No shame in that.
/r/Divorce_Men26/06/24 02:20 PM
3

I have never heard of anyone getting their retainer back. The lawyers always find a way to use it all.
/r/Divorce_Men25/06/24 02:41 PM
2

The police aren’t going to call you like that. If you have warrants, they will just show up and grab you. Block this number.
/r/Divorce_Men25/06/24 11:58 AM
8

Most are aggressive. They argue for a living, it’s what they do. If you two are at all civil with each other, you should make sure that the lawyers aren’t causing problems where there previously were none. They’re out to get every last bit of that retainer and anything else left in your savings account.
/r/Divorce_Men18/06/24 07:57 PM
1

Time to re-visit the parenting agreement. The kids should always be with their father on Father’s Day, and their mother on Mother’s Day. It’s wild that this is not standard, even if you don’t currently have a parenting agreement in place.
/r/Divorce_Men17/06/24 08:08 PM
1

My parenting agreement states that I have my children from sun up to sundown on EVERY Father’s Day. Why doesn’t yours?
/r/Divorce_Men17/06/24 08:06 PM
2

Sexual relations affect a lot of women differently, though. They’re not able to shut off the emotional part. This is why you meet so many women who are hung up on one or more of their exes and can never fully commit to the new guy.
/r/Divorce_Men17/06/24 12:16 PM
1

Local hookups sub. We chatted for a while on another app to make sure we were who we said we were and then set a meeting.
/r/Divorce_Men17/06/24 12:14 PM
6

My ex was the same in the romance department. She asked for all kinds of romance and passion, but over the years I found it was totally one-sided. She never, and I literally mean never initiated sex. Every date I planned, she’d have to change something about it and then claim it as her own. She was a completely selfish asshole. I got all sentimental and hoped for reconciliation within the first couple weeks after she told me it was over, then I stopped and looked at how I had been treated, so I …
/r/Divorce_Men16/06/24 05:15 PM
4

Eh, I don’t have any strong feelings about it. It’s just a gratification thing, has nothing to do with the other person. It was strange not feeling anything for them. Afterwards I always felt a little empty and then the cycle would start again. However, when I met someone who I was actually interested in, the feelings were much stronger and I wanted to take things slow at first.
/r/Divorce_Men16/06/24 02:12 PM
10

I think some of the pressure to date comes from women regularly using sex as validation for themselves. That if you’re not having sex with different people several times a week or you can’t just go into the bar and pull some random girl you’re somehow less than. I see that is their problem, not mine. I could do those things if I wanted to, if I wanted to put in the effort. Anybody could. That’s not how I choose to live my life. After my divorce, I met a woman off Reddit and got into an FWB situa…
/r/Divorce_Men16/06/24 01:11 PM
18

No, if she cared she would’ve kept her legs closed. Too many guys making excuses for degenerate scumbag women. She’s trash. She’s going to have a very tough road ahead of her as well when the current AP leaves her. She’ll go through many partners looking for what she once had, but can’t find again. Then she’ll try to use sex (the only thing most of them can offer) to crawl her way back. Don’t allow it. No help from you whatsoever. Even if she doesn’t have a place to stay, let her go screw some r…
/r/Divorce_Men16/06/24 01:53 AM
7

Depending on your age, the dating pool is a sewer. The right one will come along.
/r/Divorce_Men16/06/24 01:35 AM
6

Not until the court says you do.
/r/Divorce_Men16/06/24 01:33 AM
2

We DO have the opportunity. I’ve been with a bunch. More than 30 at least. It’s not difficult.
/r/Divorce_Men16/06/24 01:31 AM
11

She can pack her own stuff, fuck her. Why are guys such doormats???
/r/Divorce_Men14/06/24 01:34 AM
2

Because the agreements are written by each of your respective attorneys. When using a mediator, while they might be an attorney, they are not either of your attorneys. When we went through mediation and got all our agreements ready to file, we each retained lawyers simply to help us file the documents with the court. Well naturally, each of our lawyers found supposed problems with agreements, and wanted to argue with each other, which is what lawyers do to drive up their bill and take more of ou…
/r/Divorce_Men13/06/24 12:29 AM
7

Mediation is 100% a waste of time. If you two are amicable, you should each retain lawyers and go to the collaborative divorce route. This is coming from a guy who wasted $4000 on mediation, only to spend around 20K on “fixing” the agreements afterwards.
/r/Divorce_Men12/06/24 02:34 AM
2

It’s because she can do it. Women are never held accountable by Family Court. If anything, you’re going to get sanctioned. Sucks, but that’s just the way it is.
/r/Divorce_Men11/06/24 05:11 PM
6

My ex thought that the grass was greener. It was only after the divorce she realized that she was looking into my yard. 🤣😂😝
/r/Divorce_Men11/06/24 05:05 PM
7

Get the OFW app. It is admissible in court. The fact that she asked for this is a good thing, just remember to keep yourself under control when sending her messages, because you can’t modify or delete them. Let her show herself for who she really is.
/r/Divorce_Men11/06/24 02:37 PM
4

I would accept nothing less than using the OFW app for all communication with my ex. Sure, it’s expensive, but like you said, keeps her honest, and everything is admissible in court
/r/Divorce_Men08/06/24 05:10 PM
3

Even when both parties are amicable and civil, mediation is a waste of money. We spent over $5000 on mediation only to have our lawyers who were going to file the agreements with the court tell us that they were all wrong and needed to be redone. 15K later it was finished. Just go the collaborative divorce route with your own attorney.
/r/Divorce_Men07/06/24 08:01 PM
2

First right of refusal is his option. He doesn’t have to use it. If it’s her parenting time and he’s unavailable it’s up to her to find care.
/r/Divorce_Men07/06/24 01:36 PM
9

Never forgive a woman for cheating. No second chances. If she did it once, she WILL do it again.
/r/Divorce_Men06/06/24 05:17 PM
14

The more you chase her the less respect she has for you. Also, women have a way of making us believe they are these infallible perfect beings, and that men should always have to change for them. Absolute bullshit. Have you ever considered that maybe she’s the person with the issues? If you’re having this many problems and are separating, she’s obviously not the one. Your “one” is still out there. Get your shit together and then go find her, if you want.
/r/Divorce_Men06/06/24 05:03 PM
9

Deal with the kid during your parenting time, otherwise that’s her fucking problem. It’s her responsibility to find someone to watch the kids if she has a job interview, not yours. Why are you meeting up with her in the middle of the night to comfort her? Again, not your problem. Know why you’re frustrated? Because you haven’t focused on yourself and building your new life, which is what you should be doing. Stop being her lapdog, stop giving her money, stop being her savior, because she obvious…
/r/Divorce_Men06/06/24 12:20 AM
5

I’m sorry you’re having one of those days. Believe me brother, we all had them. Four months in is still really early, things do get better. Work on yourself and start disassociating from her. Look forward to your new life, however you want to live it. That said, you have to feel the feelings, you have to go through it in order to get to the other side, and you will get there. Like the saying goes “if you find yourself going through hell, keep going.” I’m a year out, and happier than I’ve ever be…
/r/Divorce_Men05/06/24 02:47 PM
2

My divorce was unremarkable, completely standard stuff. She was unhappy, she wanted to find herself, wasn’t in love with me anymore. No abuse, no infidelity. Nothing. I still lost all of our mutual friends, her whole family refuses to speak to me or even look at me when I see them at the kids events. It’s like I killed someone, or got put on the sex offender registry. My crime? I didn’t do what a “good man” was supposed to do. Instead of getting a crappy one bedroom apartment in the expense metr…
/r/Divorce_Men05/06/24 10:29 AM
6

Stop drinking. Don’t let this girl ruin your life, she’s not worth it.
/r/Divorce_Men04/06/24 07:59 PM
17

It’s not so much losing your “man card“, it’s that society offers men zero support or assistance in the case of divorce. Women are allowed to go out and celebrate their newfound freedom, have divorce parties, and blast it all over social media. They are showered with support and offers of assistance. If a man does it he’s “angry”, “petty”, and not a “good man.” It’s all bullshit, of course.
/r/Divorce_Men04/06/24 02:33 PM
15

Do yourself a favor and don’t. You really want to give more of your money away? Fool me once, fool me twice, and so it goes.
/r/Divorce_Men04/06/24 11:47 AM
5

People can always benefit from some therapy, but thousands of dollars is extreme. People can always improve how they are in relationships, but just because someone has a failed relationship doesn’t mean that they are severely damaged. Women are great at making men think that they are the whole problem, while admitting no fault of their own. When we tried the sham of couples counseling before we separated. The therapist asked my then-wife what she could’ve done better in the relationship. She sat…
/r/Divorce_Men04/06/24 12:43 AM
1

Did you actually physically assault someone?
/r/Divorce_Men04/06/24 12:27 AM
4

Leave it alone. I went camping by myself on what would’ve been my 15th anniversary before the divorce was final. Didn’t really think about her at all, and just enjoyed the solitude, and the food I made out there in the woods.
/r/Divorce_Men04/06/24 12:25 AM
11

Why are you trying to improve yourself? What made you think that you aren’t OK just the way you are? Women are great at making guys feel like they are damaged, wrong, crazy. That doesn’t make it a fact, and you don’t have to entertain their bullshit by spending thousands and therapy. Just get rid of the woman who is causing the problem.
/r/Divorce_Men03/06/24 11:59 PM
7

Leave it.
/r/Divorce_Men03/06/24 04:55 PM
1

Just because you’ve been through it doesn’t mean you give the best advice. I’ve been through it too, and I have a different take than you do. That doesn’t make either of us right or wrong. Inference from men is seen as weakness by women. That’s a fact.
/r/Divorce_Men03/06/24 03:47 AM
3

No. You have no say over who attends public or ticketed events.
/r/Divorce_Men01/06/24 03:58 AM
2

It’s completely normal to feel the way you do before the divorce is final. Getting that signed and stamped copy of your settlements from the court is a life changer. At that point, it’s official, you are your own man once again, and don’t waste a second moving forward. I dove right in. I ceased all nonessential communications with her, only discussing matters regarding the children via the OFW app. I know my ex doesn’t care about my feelings, but the thing that hurt her the most was realizing th…
/r/Divorce_Men26/05/24 12:48 PM
1

What does your parenting agreement say about either parent relocating? My ex has majority custody, but is restricted to within 25 miles of the children’s current residence. As a non-custodial parent, I have no restrictions.
/r/Divorce_Men26/05/24 12:36 PM
2

This is why you don’t agree to 70% legal custody. Also, put a relocation boundary in your agreement. Use creative wording to make sure it’s only for her, and not for you. I got that one past my ex during the final draft.
/r/Divorce_Men24/05/24 04:56 PM
6

I had to relocate to find work. I see my kids once a month at best. You’ll be fine.
/r/Divorce_Men24/05/24 04:47 PM
12

Tell her to fuck off. Women hate when they get their medicine. I however love it. Hahaha!!!
/r/Divorce_Men23/05/24 02:10 AM
7

“Bitter” is a term which will get thrown at you by females and currently married men. It’s a way to absolve the woman of any accountability and to paint you as a bad guy. Don’t accept it. Your life as you see fit.
/r/Divorce_Men22/05/24 01:57 AM
1

It is quite easy, especially with the 40+ age women. Just realize that you’re messing around with someone else’s nightmare. Dont get involved. Just have fun.
/r/Divorce_Men20/05/24 01:47 PM
12

I will say that overall this is a good form. However, this is still Reddit. Go over to the r/divorce sub and see what kind of things the women are saying about their ex, and how they’re trying to hide money, cheating, and everything else. Then try doing that here as a man. Even simply stating how child support amounts could be unfair, or painting your ex as less than a perfect little angel could get you the ban hammer. Unfortunately, the only people in the world who care about men who are going …
/r/Divorce_Men20/05/24 01:30 PM
2

Nope nope nope.
/r/Divorce_Men17/05/24 05:11 PM
12

If you just want sex, then go for hook ups, dude. There’s really no sense in trying to have another meaningful relationship. It’s obvious modern women are not capable of such.
/r/Divorce_Men16/05/24 12:18 AM
11

I’m over a year out and have never been happier. Dude, you need to let her go. If she’s not into it anymore and doesn’t want to be married, that is the absolute end. Too many guys on this sub waste their freaking lives chasing after women who don’t want them anymore.
/r/Divorce_Men16/05/24 12:15 AM
1

I respect the choice of fathers to go for 50% custody. That was never going to be an option for me simply due to my work schedule, even if I lived next door to the ex. The thing is, a few of you don’t seem to be able to respect, or even attempt to understand my situation. This sub is about supporting other men going through divorce as well as fathers. You are doing neither.
/r/Divorce_Men13/04/24 03:25 PM
-4

Don’t listen to these “superdads“ on here. I have a career where I am forced to travel the country to find work, often for extended periods of time. I see the kids whenever I can, I’m always there for every holiday which is mine, do my best to attend important extracurricular events, and I take all my extended vacation visits. “Superdad” would have me give up my career and live in a shithole apartment just to be within easy driving distance from the kids. I ask these guys, which is better for th…
/r/Divorce_Men11/04/24 03:14 PM
12

She’s a liar and a cheater. No further explanation necessary
/r/Divorce_Men31/03/24 04:03 PM
1

Enjoy depositing that check brother.
/r/Divorce_Men31/03/24 01:06 PM
2

Exactly. Women get SO ANGRY when they’re exposed to be the liars that they actually are. Simp dudes get mad as well. It’s all about female empowerment and women’s rights as long as it works for them. As soon as they find themselves in trouble with the law or in family court, getting a bunch of money taken from them all of a sudden it’s “I’m just a girl” hahaha nice try.
/r/Divorce_Men31/03/24 12:55 PM
2

Lawyer, like yesterday. Women always say they want to be amicable but that’s a lie, they just don’t want conflict. They’re just trying to soften you up to get what they want out of the deal. Don’t fall for it
/r/Divorce_Men31/03/24 12:52 PM
2

Nobody is taking advantage of her. She’s doing this willingly. Wake up and stop allowing yourself to infantilize and excuse her from personal responsibility. Get a lawyer if you haven’t already and take this B to court. Throw her to the wolves and see how she does. Get a signed parenting plan and do the best you can for your kid.
/r/Divorce_Men31/03/24 12:44 PM
4

Start making some false reports on her. Make it believable. Build a narrative over a few months with the cops Plant evidence, in her car, house, whatever. Turn her in Put that bitch In jail. Love the tears as they’re led away to prison in cuffs. Also, no alimony payments for you!!!!
/r/Divorce_Men28/03/24 03:34 AM
14

Hit it and quit it bro. Dating pool is toxic and you aren’t going to find another wife. You CAN have lots of fun though.
/r/Divorce_Men26/03/24 03:07 AM
2

Find a new woman. It doesn’t have to be serious or anything like that. It will do wonders for your psychological well-being. The problem is is that every woman will make you feel like she’s the only one in the world, and the only one for you. This is patently false. Part of the problem is that they truly believe this, and when they see it’s not the case, it breaks them. The amount of rage my ex exhibited when I started dating my new girlfriend was absolutely hilarious!!!
/r/Divorce_Men24/03/24 09:45 PM
19

I’m here because I want to help other guys who went through my situation. To show them that society’s expectation might not be the best thing for them, and doesn’t always have to be the case. After my divorce, I didn’t do what was expected of me by my ex, by her family, and also very much so by the other guys on the sub. I became a free agent, I got a new girlfriend, I moved, I started my life over again. I’m happier than I’ve ever ever been. What gets me in trouble with the other guys on here i…
/r/Divorce_Men22/03/24 09:17 PM
1

So did the swim class change schedule, or did the ex change which day she wanted the child to go? This is important, because if whatever group is offering the class changed their schedule and you agreed to this extracurricular activity, you may just have to take the kid to swim class. If the ex changed which day she wants the kid to go to swim class because she didn’t feel like taking them, then she can fuck herself, she can’t force you to do that. As far as calling the school, that’s batshit in…
/r/Divorce_Men20/03/24 04:59 PM
6

HOW was this not covered in your parenting agreement???? Many states have laws about the custodial parent’s residence and limits to relocating the children. Speak to a lawyer, like yesterday. Do not agree to, or sign ANYTHING prior to a hearing in front of a judge.
/r/Divorce_Men19/03/24 03:28 AM
6

When the ol’ monkey branch snaps… 🤣😂
/r/Divorce_Men18/03/24 06:46 PM
8

Nope. She made her bed and can now lay in it. Anyone who thinks otherwise can fuck right off with her. They’re not your friend.
/r/Divorce_Men18/03/24 06:45 PM
1

Communication is key here. Yes, while I was married, if one of us cooked, the other would clean and vice versa. Totally fine. Though I always cleaned up after myself, and made it clear to her that I was not her maid. She didn’t like that very much.
/r/Divorce_Men18/03/24 04:51 PM
1

It’s not about the dishes, it’s about respect. He should voice his concern and see how she responds. If she says something like “it’s his job”, then he gets to assign her a job. It reeks of narcissistic controlling behavior. Like when women insult or belittle their husbands in front of others. People say, “She’s only joking” or “oh you’re too sensitive” Yeah? Try doing that to her and see what happens.
/r/Divorce_Men18/03/24 04:48 PM
2

No need to talk about the kids. If child support and the schedule is set, no other communication. Parallel parenting is the only way. Don’t fall for the co-parenting scam.
/r/Divorce_Men15/03/24 05:40 PM
3

No. Absolutely not. No unnecessary conversation. No pleasantries. Strictly business. Emotions OFF. You are the defendant in a lawsuit. She’s suing you. Act accordingly.
/r/Divorce_Men15/03/24 05:37 PM
1

You don’t need to deactivate it, but definitely go radio silent on anything associated with the divorce. Only post about fun stuff you’re doing with the kids.
/r/Divorce_Men13/03/24 08:07 PM
1

I now have to travel to find work in the building trades. Not that I want to but I need health insurance hours for the kids and to pay child support.
/r/Divorce_Men13/03/24 12:34 AM
2

Mediation cost $3500 (useless, don’t waste your money) then we hired individual attorneys for a flat fee to file our agreements. Done, right? Nope. Each attorney rescinded their flat fee ($500 each but didn’t refund it) because they found “problems” in our MSA and parenting agreements. We each then had to pay a $5000 retainer while they each re-wrote the agreements and had arguments about them on our conference calls. Ex didn’t like what her attorney was doing for her, so she fired her and retai…
/r/Divorce_Men12/03/24 01:48 AM
2

Try to keep it simple. All business. Don’t let the BS get to you. A $20K divorce is on the low end. My ex and I were amicable for the most part, and it still cost $25K
/r/Divorce_Men11/03/24 07:25 PM
9

No, there is no chance. Get a lawyer, and only give her what the law says you have to. Don’t worry about what she says about you, it doesn’t matter at all. She’s history, move on with your life.
/r/Divorce_Men11/03/24 05:53 AM
16

Wives leave for all sorts of reasons. Who cares, let them go. You’re better off without them. Stop dwelling on the past and focus on your future. That’s the best advice I can give.
/r/Divorce_Men11/03/24 04:49 AM
8

First off, why are you talking to your ex about this sort of stuff? Second, what is feeling bad going to do to brighten your future? Leave her in the dust, and build the life that you want.
/r/Divorce_Men11/03/24 02:36 AM
5

Yes, most likely psychological. Mine was partially blood pressure related as well, but I got a prescription for Cialis and there have been no issues since.
/r/Divorce_Men09/03/24 04:03 PM
7

So many guys not only fall for the “mother of your children” crap. Many actually DEFEND it!! When she makes the decision to file, she gets what the law says she gets. If the kids really need additional support, we can cross that bridge when we come to it, but she needs to come to court with a full accounting of why. Including documentation.
/r/Divorce_Men08/03/24 08:44 PM
3

First off, no, absolutely do not send that message. What does your parenting agreement say about your parenting time schedule? There should also be specific rules about the method of communication and response times for a message sent.. Is your divorce not final yet?
/r/Divorce_Men07/03/24 06:04 PM
27

Most on the sub would agree that divorce is contagious. Many times it starts with your wife having a new female friend who is either going through, or has just finalized a divorce. They start hanging out with them and see this woman getting back into the single lifestyle, dating etc, to which they feel left out. I wholeheartedly believe that this is what triggered my ex to initiate divorce proceedings. Seven months out from our final disposition, and my ex is finding out that it isn’t all wine a…
/r/Divorce_Men06/03/24 05:39 PM
13

You had fun, right? You didn’t have to get divorced again, right? Yeah, she ended things in a shitty way, but with the honesty about being hung up on her ex, I’d still count this as a win. Soooo many women have a dude in their past that they can’t let go, and won’t admit to. They will have multiple failed relationships and never address the problem. Don’t expect a marriage dynamic when dating. It’s a whole new world, she’s not your new wife. There’s lots more women out there bro, go have at it.
/r/Divorce_Men06/03/24 04:48 PM
5

None. Just make sure you see the kids in person at least once every six months and document this. Non-custodial parents are not bound to live anywhere, whereas custodial parents very much are. Do what you have to do to support the kids and have a good life for yourself. Don’t listen to the “YoU hAvE tO sAcRiFiCe EvErYtHiNg AnD LiVe NeAr ThE kIdS” superdads. I have to travel in order to find work, and the kids are just fine. The ex was pissed, but legally can’t do one single thing about it.
/r/Divorce_Men06/03/24 01:36 AM
2

Don’t request, demand. You’re going to lose enough money during the divorce. Don’t wreck your credit as well.
/r/Divorce_Men04/03/24 06:37 PM
3

She doesn’t get to tell you what to do anymore. Make that perfectly clear to her. Her orders are now mere suggestions that will likely fall on deaf ears.
/r/Divorce_Men01/03/24 06:29 PM
2

That might be, and everyone needs to check with local laws. Yet that doesn’t compel him to pay for anything if he no longer resides there. Provide proof of new residence and new account then get an attorney involved. There are definitely ways to force her hand here.
/r/Divorce_Men29/02/24 05:17 PM
2

Give her 30 days notice via registered mail for the utilities.
/r/Divorce_Men29/02/24 03:32 PM
1

In Illinois at least, child support is not tax deductible nor is it claimed as income on her tax return. I already paid taxes on that income. It’s free money. I feel this is why it’s difficult for men to get child support. The government only wants this as free money for women.
/r/Divorce_Men25/02/24 10:59 PM
3

Definitely don’t get a higher paying job. Talk to a lawyer and hit her up for alimony. The law works both ways and you are entitled to compensation. On the other divorce subreddits it’s all about telling women to “get that money”. Now it’s your turn king. Make her write you fat checks!!
/r/Divorce_Men23/02/24 04:00 PM
3

You say child support is for the child and not the parent but for some reason there is no accounting for what the child support money is spent on. It is also not taxed. Sounds like he needs a lower paying job and file for an adjustment
/r/Divorce_Men23/02/24 03:54 PM
4

Only read your first paragraph bro, sorry. That’s the only one that matters. She’s done. She no longer respects or wants you. Get a lawyer and get rid of this one.
/r/Divorce_Men23/02/24 03:51 PM
2

Time to bail. This is not your problem and she’s going to lead you into a lifetime of misery. Lawyer up and get the best outcome for yourself possible.
/r/Divorce_Men20/02/24 06:39 PM
2

Not yet. Still trying to establish myself, but they will soon.
/r/Divorce_Men20/02/24 05:24 PM
2

I have a piece of advice about mediation, don’t do it. Go for a “collaborative divorce” You absolutely need an attorney representing you at all times, and unlike mediation the documents the attorneys draw up will be ready to go to court. I went through mediation, spent over $4000, and in the end had to have our attorneys rewrite all the mediation documents. What a waste of money.
/r/Divorce_Men20/02/24 04:32 PM
1

One point of order. Letting go of resentment, or forgiving your ex is for you, and you alone. This in no way excuses any of her behavior, nor does it mean you need to have any sort of a relationship with her, even if kids are involved, you center your relationship around them, not her. Parallel parenting is the only way. Pay your financial obligations and move forward with your life on your terms. I was able to simplify stop thinking about her and place her in a spot of complete indifference. Ma…
/r/Divorce_Men20/02/24 04:17 PM
1

Your life will NOT be worse off unless you allow it to be.
/r/Divorce_Men20/02/24 04:04 PM
2

I made it clear during meditation that I would not agree to any relocation restrictions on myself. I compromised with her, setting her relocation limit to 50 miles vs the state law of 25. I cannot afford the major metropolitan area we lived in on my own without being flat broke and miserable in a one bedroom apartment. I refuse to live in near poverty (even with a good job) just because some “self flagellating dads” think I should. For most of us noncustodial parents who don’t have 50/50 there a…
/r/Divorce_Men20/02/24 03:51 PM
2

Children never stopped a woman from leaving. My ex thought that because of the kids there was a prescribed way I needed to behave and certain things I had to do. It broke her brain when she found out that she was wrong. I still support and maintain a relationship with my kids, but on my terms. All the “be a man” and “she’s the mother of your children” comments fall on deaf ears.
/r/Divorce_Men20/02/24 03:32 PM
6

Dude, where the F were you when this thing was drafted? Hoping for your sake it’s not final yet. Never agree to ANYTHING but 50% decision making power. There should be a dollar amount limit which requires your written (OFW) approval on ALL expenses. Also, the kids should only be allowed to participate in extracurriculars that they’ve historically been a part of, unless you want to pay for a month long sailing camp in the Bahamas. My X tried registering both kids for away-camp this summer, until …
/r/Divorce_Men19/02/24 10:35 AM
1

Stop simping and move on with your life.
/r/Divorce_Men16/02/24 07:47 PM
1

Stop responding. If she wants CS then she can hire an attorney. Not your problem.
/r/Divorce_Men16/02/24 07:46 PM
8

Sorry bro but it’s over. I didn’t even get through half of your first paragraph. It’s not butterflies that she wants to feel, okay, let’s not have any illusions about that. You need to lawyer up and start getting your financial house in order, or she going to take you for the worst ride you’ve ever been on in your life.
/r/Divorce_Men16/02/24 06:10 PM
4

Parallel parenting is not coparenting. I’m not co-anything with her. It’s a way for men to take back their parental autonomy. “It’s for the kids“ is one of those phrases that women use to justify anything and everything. It’s right up there with “she’s the mother of your children“ Those two phrases are manipulative and dead on arrival to my ears. I give her what the law says I have to give her and absolutely nothing more. I’m not doing anything “for the kids“ unless I feel that it’s best for the…
/r/Divorce_Men16/02/24 05:35 PM
5

Co-parenting is not the only option. Search up parallel parenting. It’s working out MUCH better for the kids and myself. No need to deal with the disgusting bio-mom, nor pay her any sort of regard. My time, my house, my rules. When the kids are in my care, they cross an international border between two nations which have no treaties.
/r/Divorce_Men16/02/24 05:18 PM
2

Why are women allowed to post in this sub, but if I post on theirs I get banned?? Stop replying to women on this sub. Please visit r/divorce
/r/Divorce_Men11/02/24 10:48 PM
5

This is why people shouldn’t write their own agreements. My agreement states that since she did not take alimony at the beginning (not eligible) she can never come back for it later. I know that it seems like you’re saving money in the beginning, but could really screw you in the end . Have your agreements drawn up by an attorney, Skip mediation.
/r/Divorce_Men11/02/24 10:08 PM
7

It’s over brother, she’s done. You need to move on the best way you see fit for yourself. Don’t grovel, beg,and pleaded for her to stay. Don’t go over the top trying to win her back. Not only is that a bad look on you, but your son is watching everything that’s happening right now. Be as civil as you can with the stbx but keep it strictly business. Maintain your self-respect at all times. You say you are good with finances, but only give her what the law requires you to. She made this decision a…
/r/Divorce_Men11/02/24 06:39 PM
1

Illinois is a two-party consent state. In many circumstances, it is illegal to record a private conversation in Illinois unless all parties have given consent. Illinois enforces its two-party consent law under its eavesdropping statute (720 Illinois Compiled Statutes 5/14-2(a)(1)). Sec. 14-4. Sentence. (a) Eavesdropping, for a first offense, is a Class 4 felony and, for a second or subsequent offense, is a Class 3 felony.
/r/Divorce_Men11/02/24 12:10 AM
1

If the person says stop recording, you immediately have to stop then. All this is going to do is cause problems and lead to her slapping herself in the face and calling the police with you ending your night hog tied in the back of the cruiser. The way to record them is get an official texting app like OFW. Let them leave nasty voice messages and threatening texts on there. All of that is fully admissible in court They give their implied consent to be recorded when they contact you.
/r/Divorce_Men11/02/24 12:07 AM
-2

That is an extremely stupid thing to do. It’s not going to be admissible in court, as you are committing a felony. Also, people absolutely HAVE gone to prison in Illinois for surreptitiously recording others. Illinois does not have better things to do. They’re too scared to go after the real criminals who infest the city of Chicago, they’d rather go after husbands who are simply trying to get a fair shake in court.
/r/Divorce_Men10/02/24 11:52 PM
0

In Illinois, you face up to 20 years in prison if you surreptitiously record, even in your own home. It is a two-party consent state
/r/Divorce_Men10/02/24 11:23 PM
4

I would agree with you, except that we are not allowed on their subs whatsoever simply because we are men. That’s not fair or equitable. If we are allowed to post on their subs respectfully, then I’d agree that they can post on here. The blanket ban on men in their subs means that I will not tolerate them here.
/r/Divorce_Men10/02/24 12:06 AM
8

Then name one good reason why we aren’t allowed on theirs???? It’s the Internet, there is no physical, intimidation aspect going on here. If we are allowed on theirs, I will agree to allow them on ours.
/r/Divorce_Men10/02/24 12:03 AM
10

We are not allowed on their subs. Yet they are free to come into men’s spaces and stir things up.
/r/Divorce_Men09/02/24 09:27 PM
5

You’ve got it twisted. Gray rock is an effective response to anger and narcissism.
/r/Divorce_Men09/02/24 12:59 AM
11

I really wish people would stop calling their ex “the love of their life” or “the one“. She obviously was not either of those. Not even close. She’s likely taking the D from some random dude at this point, maybe even right now. She’s not thinking about what you thought you had, or having any feelings for you at all. Get your house in order financially and emotionally. Put her out of your mind. Move on with your life. Find a new woman if that’s what you want to do, or take the time to work on you…
/r/Divorce_Men07/02/24 11:42 PM
10

Tell her to fuck off. You are under no obligation to attend or PAY FOR a mediation session. Let her pay an attorney, bring it to court and have you served with a notice to appear.
/r/Divorce_Men04/02/24 06:30 PM
34

I’ll tell you exactly why she’s doing this. Her new prospect guy lost interest or dumped her. She’s running back for nothing more than financial security. Finalize the divorce. Move forward with your life.
/r/Divorce_Men04/02/24 05:18 PM
8

Parallel parenting is the way. Raise your children as you see fit.
/r/Divorce_Men02/02/24 03:45 PM
1

3 months and I was good to go. I don’t think he should wait that long before dipping his toes in the dating pool. Something not serious, just to get laid really takes the edge off the emotions. Everyone heals on their own schedule, and I think the one to two year rule is just kind of silly and it holds guys back most of the time. There’s no reason to be a celibate stoic, it’s not fun, and what does it really do for you in the end?
/r/Divorce_Men01/02/24 01:48 AM
10

I feel bad for guys who go this route, but it’s their own fault. Once she’s gone, she’s gone forever. Stop dwelling on the past and start to move forward with your life. It obviously wasn’t meant to be. She’s far from the only woman in the world, and you have yet to meet the right one. Being a sobbing, sad sack of a dude is not good for anyone, especially you. It’s most certainly not going to win her back, nor is it going to attract someone new. You’ve got the rest of your life ahead of you, and…
/r/Divorce_Men31/01/24 09:16 PM
1

Do you not have a parenting agreement? Allocation Judgment???
/r/Divorce_Men31/01/24 09:08 PM
1

Not necessarily. Standard is 19 in Illinois and then the adult children can actually sue both parents for more support until 26!! They have to pay for their own attorneys though, so that is normally cost prohibitive.
/r/Divorce_Men31/01/24 09:08 PM
3

Absolutely not. My parenting agreement states that the kids can only participate in activities (dollar amounts) which they had done previous to the divorce. No sailing camp in Fiji. Sorry kids. There is also a 250 dollar limit on shared expenses for school supplies, or other extraordinary expenses such as technology, vehicles, etc. Please tell me you put that into your agreement.
/r/Divorce_Men31/01/24 09:06 PM
3

ED drugs will not work if there’s psychological components at play, which it seems there is from what you’ve said.
/r/Divorce_Men31/01/24 03:41 PM
4

That’s wild. I’m really sorry it went down that way man. Mine wasn’t so abrupt, but she had given me hope that if I went to therapy she would be willing to work through things. I kept trying to get her to come with for a couples counseling session, and finally, she just told me that was it. She was done. Looking back now. 18 months later I appreciate how quickly things ended and how fast we are able to get the divorce finalized. Still working out just exactly what I want my new life to look like…
/r/Divorce_Men30/01/24 09:17 PM
10

You said it yourself though, she remained silent, she didn’t communicate. This isn’t on you, it’s on her. Also, don’t be too hot on the friends thing. Remember to take care of yourself, put yourself first. She’s not your wife anymore and you don’t owe her anything..
/r/Divorce_Men29/01/24 01:38 AM
7

He needs to focus on himself. I don’t understand the common wisdom on here seems to be to center everything around the kids. If Dad is a mess, he’s going to be a shit father to the kids. He needs to figure himself out, and what he wants to do with his life. Stop letting this woman control him. Some of the guys on here act like there are no other women in the world. He’ll find one eventually if that’s what he wants, but he needs to make sure that he’s OK mentally and physically first.
/r/Divorce_Men28/01/24 09:43 PM
1

How do you pick up the kids if you don’t have her address. It’s in my parenting agreement that we provide current addresses and phone numbers. No blocking allowed. How did your lawyer not include that????
/r/Divorce_Men28/01/24 04:19 PM
1

I had a similar feeling. Mine was more like there were parts of me that had been switched off, and when I walked out the door, they were reactivated. I couldn’t understand why I had such a smile on my face as I drove away from the “family“ home, but now I know.
/r/Divorce_Men26/01/24 08:10 PM
8

Glad you got some brother, but this is never a good idea. She’s going to use it to try to leverage things against you and earn favor. Look out for yourself and find another woman. There are plenty out there.
/r/Divorce_Men25/01/24 07:26 PM
4

Most all men can separate physical sex from emotion. Very few women can. Men can walk away from the experience and not have it affect them whatsoever, but the change in a woman’s behavior is striking and obvious. It’s sad that they even try to deny when they’re cheating. They may as well have it written on their forehead. Actually that would be hilarious. Don’t get any ideas guys, not worth getting arrested for….well, maybe. 🤔 🤣
/r/Divorce_Men25/01/24 06:18 PM
29

The whole “time for myself“ “don’t even know who I am anymore“ is complete bullshit. It’s a tale as old as time, and it’s astonishing that women still think they can gaslight us in this way. Shame on us guys who still let them. Those phrases are nothing more than code for her wanting to jump on someone else’s dick. She might not even know whose yet, but definitely not yours anymore. If they do the thing where they return apologizing and crying, that’s only because the new guy didn’t work out and…
/r/Divorce_Men25/01/24 12:18 PM
2

Some of us simply can’t afford that. Also, a one bedroom apartment is a home, but just not the child’s primary home. Especially if he only has his son every other weekend, paying the extra money for a two bedroom is a waste. He could be doing other things for him, like putting money in his college fund, or taking him fun places rather than blowing it all on rent.
/r/Divorce_Men24/01/24 10:57 PM
2

No. Even people who are in poverty are still entitled to parenting time. Depending on how much time you have him, this could get to be an issue. But if you are not the child’s primary home, as long as you have somewhere for him to sleep, you are fine. I have my kids every other weekend. One bedroom and a sofa bed. There is no way I’m paying rent on a two bedroom when they use it four days out of the month. That’s insane.
/r/Divorce_Men24/01/24 10:53 PM
1

Get yourself a FWB. Nothing serious, but something to take the edge off.
/r/Divorce_Men24/01/24 02:18 PM
4

It’s not going to matter then. Focus on getting your financial house in order, and maybe go out there and find a fun side chick🤷🏻‍♂️ That’s what I did. Definitely took the edge off, and I was able to emotionally disconnect from the ex very quickly.
/r/Divorce_Men21/01/24 10:51 PM
1

Look into parallel parenting. Coparenting is definitely not for everyone, though it is pushed by the family courts. Men do not get a fair shake in coparenting. They are simply expected to enforce all of Mom‘s rules and policies, and if they don’t, they’re being a bad coparent. I have a parallel parenting plan, complete autonomy, my time, my house, my rules.
/r/Divorce_Men18/01/24 02:31 PM
4

I wanted her to revert back to her maiden name, but legally I can’t do anything about it. I constantly give her shit about it though. Telling her that she’s stuck with that name, she’s stuck with MY name and she can never get rid of it. Hoping the psychological warfare works.
/r/Divorce_Men18/01/24 11:15 AM
2

Don’t.
/r/Divorce_Men18/01/24 11:14 AM
5

You need a new therapist.
/r/Divorce_Men18/01/24 11:13 AM
4

You take all the money you can from her. It’s the only way to exact revenge without winding up in jail. Just realize this, there is no winning for a man in family court. None. My ex didn’t cheat, she just went crazy. My revenge? I started dating the girl from my high school days that my ex was always jealous of. So much so, the current girlfriend told me that she tried to contact me through my ex about seven years ago. My ex never told me. I post as many pictures of us on social media as possibl…
/r/Divorce_Men17/01/24 08:59 PM
14

I’m dealing with a woman, everything will always be your fault. Either because of something you did, or something you failed to do.
/r/Divorce_Men17/01/24 06:33 PM
5

It all depends on how much time you are going to have with her. My career will only allow me to have every other weekend and a couple of short weekday visits. I’m not getting a 2 Bedroom apartment when I’m only going to see them four days out of 30 every month. That makes zero sense. A lot of “super dads” on this sub are going to tell you to sacrifice everything and put yourself in a difficult position, all for the sake of the kids. That is absolutely the wrong thing to do. You have to set yours…
/r/Divorce_Men16/01/24 01:46 AM
7

Nothing could be said because I couldn’t say anything that was right in her mind. All of a sudden she got really weird, started putting inspirational quotes up all over her home office and turned into a completely different person. I offered to go to therapy I offered to talk. I tried to change myself, and nothing was good enough. In the end, I just had to let her go and focus on myself. I’m doing much better now, I have a new girlfriend, a surplus of cash, and an overall happy drama-free life. …
/r/Divorce_Men16/01/24 01:18 AM
7

Is everyone missing the part about him drinking again? Contrary to what you hear on the sub most of the time, the kids do not come first. You do. If you are a mess that’s no good for the kids. Get yourself right then focus on the next steps. .
/r/Divorce_Men14/01/24 04:10 PM
5

I love this thread, yours is another reply with good advice. I wish all the threads on here were like this, Guys need to stop fighting the darkness and bring their own light. That doesn’t mean you need to be nice to your ex, that doesn’t mean you need to work with her or capitulate to her demands. You do your thing. You parent how you wish to parent. As far as the coparenting thing goes? Just stop it, stop. You are being set up for failure. Parallel parenting is the way.
/r/Divorce_Men13/01/24 04:01 PM
5

This is excellent advice my dude. Way too many guys hold onto feelings for their ex. The whole “but she’s the mother of your children“ thing. What the fuck is that supposed to mean? I’m the father of her children what does that get me? Nothing. Fathers need to move forward in a way, which makes them happy. Contrary to popular advice on this sub, the kids do not come first. You do. Because if you’re a mess, what does that do for the kids? Let her go, put her out of your mind, she doesn’t matter a…
/r/Divorce_Men13/01/24 03:55 PM
14

I’m glad things are working out for you, but this is the problem with the coparenting bullshit. The feminist family courts push coparenting as a way to keep some kind of illusion of a family unit, which doesn’t exist post divorce. Way too many dads who are “trying to do the right thing” fall for this garbage. From everything I’ve read, and had relayed to me from other people’s experiences, coparenting is just that the mom sets all the rules and policies, and if Dad doesn’t follow them, he’s bein…
/r/Divorce_Men13/01/24 02:37 AM
3

No, absolutely not. Not only that, everything you owned prior to marriage other than real estate and vehicles is yours and you can take it without buying her out. Also, anything that was given to you as a gift even during the marriage is yours free and clear
/r/Divorce_Men11/01/24 11:08 PM
8

Damn bro, that’s shitty. Most states don’t require a reason, but definitely speak with a divorce attorney asap!!
/r/Divorce_Men10/01/24 03:26 PM
1

Oh well, guess the rest of us can’t be as good of a dad as you are, huh tough guy? The amount of dad shaming on this sub is disgusting. You don’t have to live five minutes away to be a good Dad. A lot of us dads have to go out of town for work, and we are free to date as we please. Just because a guy has a new girlfriend, does not make him a bad father Just because a guy lives out of state for a period of time does not make him a bad father. If he’s providing for his child and making the effort …
/r/Divorce_Men10/01/24 01:05 PM
18

Love when the women finally wake up and realize what they lost. Mine is struggling financially, the kids she insisted on having 90% custody of are going through hardships as well. All I do is sit back with my financially secure self and watch the disaster unfold, with a smirk on my face and my new, younger girlfriend by my side. Cheers love, hope it’s everything your new divorced friends told you it would be. Oh hey, where are all of them now? Is your family sick of giving you money yet? Careful…
/r/Divorce_Men09/01/24 12:51 PM
1

Cialis makes me last longer. Sometimes too long in my opinion. I take mine around 1:00 pm. That covers me for the evenings. Early morning sex can still be a challenge, but my girlfriend understands and will take the extra time to get me up in that case. Only times that it’s failed me is when my mind wasn’t in the right place. No ED drug can cure that.
/r/Divorce_Men09/01/24 04:27 AM
2

Cialis works much better for me. Still have to make an effort when I want to cum, but I know what I need to do now, so it’s all good. The psychological aspect can really mess with you. It gets better with time.
/r/Divorce_Men09/01/24 04:14 AM
1

Except that the world is a constantly unstable and scary place. This is what I teach my kids. Telling them anything else is an outright lie. You are never ever, EVER safe. You always need to be on your guard, you always have to keep an eye out, because the moment you get comfortable you’re going to get a sucker punch from life, which you may or may not be able to recover from. Will he make new memories with his kids? Maybe, but maybe not. The new guy may replace him as the father figure in their…
/r/Divorce_Men09/01/24 02:59 AM
6

Nope. Don’t fall for the crocodile tears. I doubt she was upset when the other guy had his D inside her. Cheater’s don’t change. It WILL happen again.
/r/Divorce_Men08/01/24 03:35 PM
2

You need to do what you can afford. Personally, I can’t afford to live in my state anymore after the divorce. I’d be better off financially living in another state and traveling here once a month to see the kids. Sucks that it has to be like that, but that’s the way it is.
/r/Divorce_Men08/01/24 02:59 AM
1

Hard to be present for my daughters when I see them 4 days out of 30 a month. Not my problem anymore.
/r/Divorce_Men08/01/24 01:54 AM
4

I don’t understand why men feel this way. Absolutely nothing stops the woman from jumping on the first D that comes around as soon as she feels that the marriage is over. Many states are no-fault divorce. It won’t be a factor.
/r/Divorce_Men05/01/24 06:04 PM
19

You cannot be serious. He should do whatever or whoever he feels like.
/r/Divorce_Men05/01/24 06:02 PM
14

My ex started seeing marriage counselor on her own two years before she told me she was done forever. I was invited there one time under false pretenses that she was just trying to get a better understanding of our dynamic and ways we could reduce stress so we could have a better partnership. In the divorce, it came out that her sole reason for seeing the counselor was to decide how to go about leaving me, and taking away 90% of my time with the kids. Go for a consultation with a divorce attorne…
/r/Divorce_Men05/01/24 12:30 AM
3

If you live in a no-fault state, I would suggest leaving. I stayed for nearly 10 months and I didn’t realize how bad it was until my first night sleeping in the room. I rented at my buddies house. Finally, some peace and quiet.
/r/Divorce_Men03/01/24 08:53 PM
8

Yep. I am under no obligation to play by her rules at this point. She made the decision, she can accept the consequences, including the unintended ones.
/r/Divorce_Men02/01/24 01:24 AM
26

This is not just a reply to the OP, but to everyone. You’re not going to hear from her. You’re not her man anymore, you don’t mean a single thing to her. It’s hard for us to fathom, but it’s true. You are supposed to forever hold her in high regard as “the mother of your children“ but in turn, she has absolutely no regard for you, and she won’t. She’ll be backed up by her relatives and friends. She is busy relegating you to a place of irrelevancy. She’s also getting dicked down by 2 to 3 dudes m…
/r/Divorce_Men02/01/24 12:20 AM
1

I can still do all of those things. You do you, I’ll do me. Im simply here to support the guys who know what I know. That you can still be a great dad and present in your kids lives while also attending to your own needs and happiness. This sub is supposed to be about support, not tearing each other down.
/r/Divorce_Men30/12/23 02:33 PM
1

Wrong. The #1 focus should be on himself and building a new and happy life. I can’t stand this notion that’s bandied about the sub all the time, that men should sacrifice themselves, their happiness, and/or their livelihood just because of the kid(s) This is one of the main reasons we have so many emotionally broken men on this sub who feel that they’re “stuck” and wasting their lives because the ex decided it was over. These men often say that they’d “go restart their lives somewhere else if th…
/r/Divorce_Men29/12/23 08:50 PM
10

Congratulations! Feels good doesn’t it? That’s how I’ve felt since it was finalized and I moved out. I find it strange how most people respond to a man who is divorced, because women receive quite a different reaction. From my experience, in most peoples minds divorced men are supposed to be both emotionally and financially broken, living in a shithole apartment, hating our lives and missing our kids 26 out of 30 days a month, letting ourselves go physically, getting fat, unshaven, drinking, etc…
/r/Divorce_Men29/12/23 01:19 AM
3

Stop communicating verbally. Switch to an app like OFW which is admissible in court. Watch how polite she becomes. Best option is refuse to engage. Just blankly stare at her if she gets abusive in person. Give a chuckle and walk away.
/r/Divorce_Men28/12/23 01:37 AM
3

Nope. No gifts. Also, be sure to make all written financial arrangements with your ex. Minors cannot legally sign contracts
/r/Divorce_Men28/12/23 01:28 AM
7

So her solution was to get rid of you, and now she has to do it all herself? Super intelligent on her part.
/r/Divorce_Men27/12/23 02:41 AM
3

No matter what you say, they will all choose her side. They won’t care what you have to say. You will lose all her family and mutual friends. That’s just the way it goes man, sorry.
/r/Divorce_Men26/12/23 08:46 PM
3

Not having at least a parenting plan sounds like a really bad idea. Maybe things are civil when the divorce is fresh, but over time resentment can build, and women are notorious for using kids as pawns. Sad to say.
/r/Divorce_Men22/12/23 11:29 PM
2

It’s really great that you two can be so civil. My ex and I are mostly civil, but there have been a few times that she’s tried this or that and I sent her a screenshot of a line or section of the parenting agreement. Then it’s “problem solved”. You are definitely all good to bring your girlfriend to your family Christmas. Also, when your girlfriend comes up in conversations with your ex, don’t call her your girlfriend. Use her name. That drives my ex crazy!! 🤣😂 People get divorced for many reaso…
/r/Divorce_Men22/12/23 11:26 PM
2

Are you in the US? If there are minor children involved, a parenting agreement is required by the state. It can also be called an adjudication judgment. How do you decide who gets them on what holidays, who gets to take them on vacations and when? These are all things which would be spelled out in the parenting agreement, even with 50-50 custody.
/r/Divorce_Men22/12/23 11:11 PM
4

Something tells me that you need to reread your parenting agreement. You should know it by heart, backwards and forwards. To answer your question, No. There’s absolutely nothing she can do to change the custody arrangement, only a judge can do that, and it has to be for an exceptional reason. The courts won’t even hear her case. She has ZERO legal standing . Courts look at what is in the best interest of the child, not the mothers hurt feelings. You can have any partner you like, bring them arou…
/r/Divorce_Men22/12/23 11:00 PM
5

Get out now bro. See a lawyer immediately!! She’s looking for a lifetime financial contributor. DON’T BE THAT GUY!!!
/r/Divorce_Men22/12/23 03:38 PM
11

Stop answering her calls. She’s a parent, she needs to figure out how to deal with it. If it’s not your parenting time, it’s really not your problem. The child needs to be taken to see a therapist where she and her mother can be given some tools to help mitigate the hostility.
/r/Divorce_Men19/12/23 03:32 PM
3

I 100% disagree with the “too soon” thing. Maybe it applied to you and your specific experience, and that’s perfectly fine, but everyone moves forward at their own pace. There’s no right or wrong way to do it. I was never one of those “absolutely broken“ guys both during and after my divorce. I maintained a positive attitude, and never experienced the crushing grief I hear about on this sub. I thought something was wrong with me for a long time, but as it turns out this was my specific way to mo…
/r/Divorce_Men18/12/23 02:44 PM
4

Unless she happens to be in the military (US) Then she’s looking at a minimum of reduction in rank and possibly even jail time.
/r/Divorce_Men17/12/23 08:41 PM
2

Cheater = instantly dumped. I’d strongly recommend pressuring her to pack her shit and leave the house. No “high road” nonsense either. By dumped, I mean no assistance other than what the law requires. No contact, no in person meetings either if it can be avoided. Communication by email only. Stay in close communication with your daughter, but don’t let the cheater (or anyone on Reddit) guilt you into being a doormat. The cheater needs to feel the full effect and consequences of her decision, ev…
/r/Divorce_Men17/12/23 07:09 PM
3

This 100% See a male therapist who specializes in what you are going through.
/r/Divorce_Men15/12/23 03:29 AM
1

I went through this last year during the holidays of 2022. It was pretty rough, but not because of my own emotions. It was watching the kids having such a joyful time, and everyone eating, drinking and smiling. Then here I am, withdrawn and sitting apart from everyone, knowing what’s about to happen. Christmas songs would make me cry, and I couldn’t get the motivation to buy gifts even for my side of the family until the very last minute. Things definitely changed when we announced our divorce i…
/r/Divorce_Men09/12/23 02:20 PM
4

A promise ring ?!?! 🤣😂🤣😂 What is she, 15?!?! Omg.
/r/Divorce_Men04/12/23 04:58 PM
30

We’ve seen these movies before. How about it, guys of the sub??? What do you think we have here??? I say the guy she had waiting in the wings didn’t work out, and she’s panicking.
/r/Divorce_Men03/12/23 11:53 PM
15

Coparenting is not always the best solution. You don’t have to be amicable and civil with an ex who is not Look into parallel parenting. This is the course I chose, and it works out great for me and the kids. My time, my house, my rules. There are certain things which we both agreed upon, but for the most part when the kids come into my care, they cross an international border between two countries which have no treaties. The rules are not the same, and punishments are not necessarily enforced u…
/r/Divorce_Men03/12/23 11:28 PM
6

I agree with most of this on principal, but there’s also times not to be nice. If she’s acting out in front of the kids, she gets put in her place in front of the kids. Being a “good man“ or “good father“ does not mean being a doormat or a punching bag. She gets the respect which she gives. Nothing more, nothing less
/r/Divorce_Men03/12/23 11:21 PM
6

Looking at your post history, I’d say continue to work on yourself and not worry so much about what is said in a Reddit sub.
/r/Divorce_Men03/12/23 08:10 PM
3

If she acts out in front of the kid, you calmly and politely put her in her place in front of the kid. You let her know that whatever she’s doing is unacceptable and how it is making you feel. You ask her to stop her aggressive actions. If she persists, then you walk away. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with doing this, and the kids will respect you more for it.
/r/Divorce_Men02/12/23 02:57 AM
8

100% disagree. Being a good man is not to be a doormat, it is not to be a punching bag. You need to stand up for yourself in front of your kids, give a good, positive example of how to respond if you’re not treated well. I don’t understand why society thinks that a “strong man” or “good dad” should allow women to get away with this shit. Not on my watch.
/r/Divorce_Men01/12/23 03:47 PM
6

Unless you have a whole shit ton of money to hide, I would comply as best I could. If you are issued a subpoena, and they order you to pay for a forensic accountant, you’ll lose way more than you would’ve initially.
/r/Divorce_Men28/11/23 11:08 AM
7

Sorry man, but what’s done is done. She’s likely not telling you that she’s been on other dates because she doesn’t want to trigger your addiction again. She may still care about your general well-being, especially for the sake of the kids, but don’t take that as her not being firm in her decision. I’m not saying these things to be mean, but sometimes we need a dose of reality. A huge part of recovery is taking accountability for our actions and making amends. Sounds like you’re on the right tra…
/r/Divorce_Men28/11/23 12:32 AM
42

Nope, nope, nope. DO NOT DO THIS !!! This kind of thing never ends well. This could easily be a ploy to try and get you to give her more money from the sale of your house. Stop thinking with the small head and think with the big one.. There are hundreds of millions of other women out there. They are literally everywhere. Find someone else to have sex with.
/r/Divorce_Men26/11/23 06:30 PM
9

Yet she totally threw all that into the garbage. Go out there and find “your person” I did, and she’s wonderful. Should’ve married her in the first place.
/r/Divorce_Men25/11/23 04:46 PM
3

Maybe you can go back to the r/divorce_women sub We aren’t allowed to post on there, but for whatever reason the mods are perfectly fine with you all stirring up shit here?? Leave. You’re not wanted.
/r/Divorce_Men23/11/23 11:01 AM
1

My ex told me that when she gets a new boyfriend, not only are kids going to call him Dad, but she’s going to have a non-negotiable condition he needs to brutally assault me in order to begin a committed relationship with her. Yes she’s serious and yes, I’m ready.
/r/Divorce_Men23/11/23 10:56 AM
9

As far as the many mutual friends that we had when we were married, I have one left, and he’s waffling under pressure from his wife to alienate me. I did make the effort to reconnect with friends who were mine originally, and before the marriage. They’ve been very supportive. While it was really tough to lose people who I thought were my friends, I’m very grateful to now know who my real friends are.
/r/Divorce_Men21/11/23 08:58 PM
8

You’ll never understand it man, I’m sorry to say. Hopefully your ex will at least be diplomatic with you and communicate for the sake of the kids. Mine has decided that I am a demon who is the cause of every problem that she’s ever had, either by something I did, or something I failed to do. I try to talk with her about things with the kids, and it’s like attempting to speak with a brick wall. Even though her behavior is a violation of the parenting agreement. Sorry you’re going through this, bu…
/r/Divorce_Men20/11/23 12:59 PM
0

Bro, she’s not the love of your life. This girl is for the streets, she’ll take any D that comes her way. You gotta look out for yourself and leave this one alone. Run, run, run.. Let her reap what she sows, and believe me, she will.
/r/Divorce_Men18/11/23 02:52 PM
2

Sex was awkward for me the first couple times, even though I had no lingering feelings for the ex. After that though, I was all good.
/r/Divorce_Men17/11/23 06:29 PM
25

Hey man, I used to do the majority of chores when I was married and my wife totally understood when I’d fuck other women because of it. I don’t know what your problem is../s
/r/Divorce_Men17/11/23 03:25 AM
2

Waste of time and money
/r/Divorce_Men16/11/23 06:12 PM
3

She can wait until the divorce is final and take the share which the court awards her. End of story.
/r/Divorce_Men15/11/23 03:30 PM
1

How do you protect yourself, you ask? DON’T LOAN HER THE MONEY!!
/r/Divorce_Men15/11/23 03:29 PM
47

She’s cheating on you. 100%. We’ve seen this movie before. Contact a divorce attorney immediately, like yesterday. Watch your bank accounts for withdrawals. She’s likely been planning this for a year or more. You’re about to be hit with a shitstorm. Be prepared!!
/r/Divorce_Men14/11/23 12:58 AM
25

I’m 3 months out from final judgement, 18 months separated. Reconnected over the summer with a girl I was good friends with in high school. We hit it off and both developed feelings for each other. Dating for the last couple months, everything has been going great! Definitely helps, that’s for sure. Ex is also pissed because we all went to the same high school and she was always jealous of my current GF. Hahaha
/r/Divorce_Men13/11/23 03:48 PM
6

Sometimes you need a change of scenery. Mom got 80% time and I’m not gonna stay here in a shitty apartment missing the kids 26 out of 30 days a year. I deserve to be happy as well and moved to a smaller market where things are more affordable. This allows me to fly back and see the kids or fly them out to me. The thought that the father needs to sacrifice everything including their own sanity and happiness, in order to be near the kids it’s completely wrong.
/r/Divorce_Men08/11/23 12:23 AM
9

You’re going to be better off in the long run brother. She’s not your person anymore, and if you’re getting divorced, she never was. Let her go and start focusing on yourself. You have many great times to come and you will meet your special someone.
/r/Divorce_Men04/11/23 09:52 PM
3

I’m glad that I found the right one after my divorce. She was a close friend in our younger days and we had so much in common. I reconnected with her a couple months after my divorce was final and lo and behold she was divorced too. Her ex was a cheater. We got to talking and came to the realization that maybe we should’ve chosen each other all along. We are currently long distance, but have plans in place to be together soon. Been out to visit her a few times and things have been going great.
/r/Divorce_Men04/11/23 09:47 PM
4

One day I’ll get the help I so desperately need 😆😂
/r/Divorce_Men03/11/23 02:23 AM
15

I found out that the American Association of Amateur Psychologists (ex’s divorced friends) diagnosed me as a serial mental and emotional abuser, and a sociopath. Also, I am apparently drunk all the time. No, not just in the evening, all the time.
/r/Divorce_Men02/11/23 10:02 PM
7

This has bad idea written all over it. Very strange dynamic, which can go off the rails and become quite costly in divorce court. Stop talking to her, and what’s the rush and starting to see other people so soon?
/r/Divorce_Men02/11/23 09:59 PM
30

No infidelity in my divorce, but I lost all of the mutual friends. The majority of the time, all the mutual friends will side with the woman. That’s just the way it goes.
/r/Divorce_Men02/11/23 03:08 AM
9

In divorce, everyone loses. There is no “winning“. There might be little victories here and there, but overall, it’s the destruction of a family unit, and demise of a once secure and stable relationship. My divorce was quite amicable, at least on paper. Doesn’t mean that’s how it felt or how it sounded in real life. Everything I once knew is gone including worst of all, my relationship with my children. I see them four days out of the month, how shitty is that? I too had the urge to travel, my j…
/r/Divorce_Men31/10/23 10:11 AM
3

Nope. Business only. Why would you be friends or friendly with a she-devil? Some guys on here really need to stand up for themselves and separate their emotions from their former spouses. Give her the respect she gave you, which is none.
/r/Divorce_Men30/10/23 08:46 AM
5

No co-parenting. Absolutely not. Never. Co-parenting is pushed by feminists and family courts because what it actually is, is that mom makes all the rules and if dad doesn’t follow them, then he’s a bad co-parent. Look up Parallel Parenting. When I have the kids they cross an “international border” My house, my time, my rules. The ex hates this, but the kids are exponentially happier when they’re with me.
/r/Divorce_Men30/10/23 08:42 AM
6

You’ll have days like that, we all have. Just cherish the times when you are with your daughter, and you will have those times in the future. Get on the legal tasks at hand and get an emergency parenting agreement in place.
/r/Divorce_Men28/10/23 05:25 PM
-4

I introduced my kids to my new girlfriend over FaceTime after two months of our divorce being finalized. She is someone who I knew in high school and introduced her under the guise of being a friend, gonna spoon feed it to them as time passes. I’m also considering moving to be closer to her. How Is it cheating if you’re already divorced?
/r/Divorce_Men26/10/23 02:07 AM
2

Don’t waste your time on the cheating hoe. Go find yourself a girl to bang, then make sure the ex finds out about it.
/r/Divorce_Men25/10/23 02:37 PM
4

You “possibly” brought an std home? I’m confused by this.
/r/Divorce_Men22/10/23 11:05 PM
1

She agreed to it, which means I can make her pay a whole bunch of money in mediation. That was the point. My attorney told me that the judge probably wouldn’t sign off on it, but since he did it’s now actionable.
/r/Divorce_Men22/10/23 09:30 PM
1

Yes
/r/Divorce_Men22/10/23 06:13 AM
1

Actually, leaving with nothing can happen, she just has to do the right thing and agree to it. The law is simply a guideline, she can agree to less than the law allows. Be a big girl and sign your name on the line. I find it hilarious when women complain about men not wanting to get married. All of us are realizing that it’s an absolutely one-sided deal and it’s just not worth it. Let’s see if she’s Woman enough to take responsibility and do that. Most can’t.
/r/Divorce_Men21/10/23 11:27 PM
2

Are your accounts not separated, yet? That needs to happen, like yesterday
/r/Divorce_Men21/10/23 11:15 PM
1

Marriage is a lifelong commitment. I’m not sure why people have such a hard time understanding this. Hey, she can go off and do whatever she wants at this point, but he is in no way, shape or form at fault for any of this. Which means when she leaves, she leaves with what she came with. None of his retirement none of his money, none of his possessions. She’s the one who made the decision. She needs to face the repercussions .
/r/Divorce_Men21/10/23 11:07 PM
1

Why are you making excuses for her? He was upfront from the beginning. Just because her clock is ticking. does not mean that he has some sort of obligation. If anything, she’s the one who lied before marriage.
/r/Divorce_Men21/10/23 10:36 PM
0

Daddy??? It is specifically written into my allocation judgment parenting agreement that the children will never be allowed to refer to any of her future partners as dad, daddy, father, etc. even the term “stepdad”is explicitly banned. In return, they are never allowed to refer to me as dad, daddy, father, or any derivative of such. They are to call me by my first name. Which I agreed to and I’m fine with it.
/r/Divorce_Men21/10/23 12:52 AM
6

Tell her that the financial problems are hers to deal with. Also, stop responding to texts which are not specifically about the children. Don’t even exchange pleasantries or talk about what’s been going on in your lives. Strictly business. She made this mess, and it is hers and hers alone to clean up.
/r/Divorce_Men20/10/23 02:16 PM
1

Already flown twice and drove once.
/r/Divorce_Men20/10/23 12:05 PM
7

I wouldn’t waste my time trying to track her. You already know she’s fucking someone else, so what does it really matter? I think that simply informing her family that she’s cheating (bonus points if you can tell them who she’s cheating with) is probably the best thing you could do, so there’s that.
/r/Divorce_Men20/10/23 12:35 AM
3

Him: I’m tired of this. Now that you mention it, I don’t care. Her: YoUrE aN EmOtIoNaL aBuSeR!!!
/r/Divorce_Men20/10/23 12:30 AM
10

It’s good that you’ve been working on yourself for the past year, and guess what your STBX doesn’t deserve any of that. As hard as it is, you’re going to have to move on. But hey, the next girl is going to be lucky to have you if you so choose to go that route. Also, don’t be so hard on yourself. Just because she sucked at communicating is no reflection on you, and is absolutely not your fault. This is her problem not yours. It’s completely on her that she didn’t act like a freaking adult and op…
/r/Divorce_Men19/10/23 09:39 PM
3

I had no intention of dating right away. My divorce process lasted just over a year. As soon as my documents were signed and stamped I reconnected with a friend from my past. I’d always had a thing for her, she was never just a girl to me, but “the girl”. As soon as I found out she was single I’m like “well, it’s now or never”. I threw the idea out there and she reciprocated. We’re doing the long distance thing at the moment but my job is going to bring me much closer to her location in the near…
/r/Divorce_Men19/10/23 05:18 PM
13

You’re not married. Walk away. Consider yourself lucky.
/r/Divorce_Men19/10/23 12:04 PM
2

Being served is not required in my state (IL) if your respective attorneys contact one another. Also, being served will cost both of you money. Avoid if possible. That said, you should speak with an attorney immediately. Like today.
/r/Divorce_Men18/10/23 04:24 PM
6

Dude, what are you doing to yourself? Stop communicating with her about anything. Start working on yourself and move on.
/r/Divorce_Men18/10/23 02:36 PM
1

Hypertension is one of the most common causes of ED. Get that checked out with your doctor and see about a prescription for Cialis or viagra. Cialis brought me back to my early 20s! Random boners? Hadn’t experienced that in like 25 years!
/r/Divorce_Men16/10/23 03:32 AM
8

I waited until my divorce was final before getting with anyone.
/r/Divorce_Men15/10/23 12:33 AM
7

You “just discovered”?? Troll post detected
/r/Divorce_Men14/10/23 11:46 PM
9

If you haven’t already, find a therapist in your area who specializes in divorce. Preferably a male therapist just from my experience. It doesn’t do any good to beat yourself up. It is a self-destructive behavior. What’s done is done and it sounds like you need some help seeing a path forward. It’s OK, I imagine the majority of us have been in your shoes. There are brighter days ahead, brother .
/r/Divorce_Men14/10/23 05:36 PM
5

I didn’t realize how much cohabitating had negatively affected me until I moved out. Luckily, we owned a big enough house that I could sleep in the guestroom and didn’t have to couch surf in my own home. I thought that by us living together until it was final, it would lessen the blow on the kids and help us to save up some money for our new lives. In the end, the lawyers took just about all the money, and the kids were emotionally scarred from the experience of living with parents who did not l…
/r/Divorce_Men14/10/23 05:10 PM
1

It’s not about a sheet of paper in a government office, it never is. It’s about the commitment they made to each other. If I had one criticism for OP, it would be that he should’ve been more specific on the terms of separation. I told my ex-wife that until our divorce was final, I was going to continue honoring our commitment, and that I expected the same of her. She agreed, and we had no issues. That being said, if she or I had slept with someone before the divorce was final, we each would have…
/r/Divorce_Men14/10/23 04:58 PM
3

Nope. Why should he spend his time and energy going through her stuff, talking to the swinging dick, and attempting to rekindle something which is obviously done and over with?
/r/Divorce_Men14/10/23 04:39 PM
2

It’s over bro, and deep down you probably know it. The only reason that she’s going to string you along is to have you act as her emotional and financial security blanket. If she has confessed to sleeping with one person, it is very likely more than that. She thinks that by confessing to one it will lessen the emotional impact on you and take away some of her guilt. The problem is that you’re never going to completely move past the thought of another guy or guys putting their dick in her, being …
/r/Divorce_Men14/10/23 04:35 PM
3

Maybe she should’ve thought about her reputation before she let some guy put his dick in her
/r/Divorce_Men11/10/23 02:39 PM
1

Absolutely tell them. Make her own what she did.
/r/Divorce_Men11/10/23 02:38 PM
3

Do it. You know damn right that she’d do it to you!
/r/Divorce_Men10/10/23 12:28 AM
6

As sad as it was, I just had to let go. Letting go of family and friends which I had known for 20+ years was excruciating, but I now know who truly loves and supports me. It’s the best feeling ever.
/r/Divorce_Men06/10/23 11:34 PM
2

Congrats on your new found freedom. I’m 2 months out and in the process of relocating and building the life of my choosing. It isn’t easy for any of us, but we’ll get there.
/r/Divorce_Men03/10/23 03:45 PM
3

Unfortunately that’s all a lot of them have to offer.
/r/Divorce_Men27/09/23 02:37 PM
7

This is the way. Too many guys wallow in horrible unhealthy situations because the majority of people (mostly other guys) tell them that they need to put everything on hold and sacrifice their entire life for the few days of parenting time that they get each month. Nope, not me. I’ve lost several male friends over this decision, and I say good riddance. You don’t lose friends, you just find out who your true friends are.
/r/Divorce_Men21/09/23 05:29 PM
4

I have kids and I’m still going to do it. I’m not about to sit around in a one bedroom apartment missing my kids for 26 out of 30 days in a month. She gets her new life, I get mine as well. I’ll always be there for the kids. They are 9 & 13F. I’ve already talked with them about this, and they understand. They’re excited to come visit me wherever I might end up.
/r/Divorce_Men21/09/23 05:26 PM
18

You deserve better as well. Alcohol is a demon which will consume your soul and eventually kill you. As far as the drinking goes, trust me brother, I’ve been there. Get yourself into a recovery program, doesn’t have to be AA, there’s lots more out there now online. You can also see an addiction counselor on an individual basis if you’re not into the social recovery thing. It might sound strange to hear, but you likely regret your own actions more than you miss her. You have to own up to your beh…
/r/Divorce_Men19/09/23 01:56 AM
4

I feel like the “path to happiness“ comes with an asterisk for men. No matter what the bit*h did to bring the marriage to an end, men are still held to a certain level of responsibility for it. The woman walks away with not only zero consequences, but all your money and the support of all of your former mutual friends. As a guy, if there are children involved, try doing anything besides sacrificing your social life and career for some crap hole apartment, hitting the gym, and finding a therapist…
/r/Divorce_Men19/09/23 01:44 AM
2

The loss of time with the kids will be hard. No doubt about that. For me, this is an opportunity which I can’t pass up. I can always come back to my home city if things don’t work out. Someone once said, “take the risk or lose the chance”. I’m pushing 50 years old. There’s no more time for “someday” and “what if”. If I don’t give this thing a shot, I’ll regret it for the rest of my life.
/r/Divorce_Men18/09/23 05:30 PM
1

I have something similar going on. Read it here. https://reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/s/afHvcSsfg9
/r/Divorce_Men18/09/23 02:32 PM
5

I’m getting all kinds of shit from the ex, her family, and our former mutual friends, because I’m going to leave town to go find work. I’m a union electrician, and in order to provide for my kids (9 & 13F) and keep their health insurance, I need to work. Here’s where the story turns a bit. I’m specifically looking for work in a town where I’ve reconnected with a girl from my past. So yes, there is an ulterior motive there. Still, I plan on coming back as much as I can to spend time with my kids.…
/r/Divorce_Men17/09/23 02:54 PM
3

This is good advice, and it is true for some people. However, not all of us are in a state of mourning, or are experiencing psychological distress. I’d say that from the moment she told me her decision is final, until about a year later, I was pretty messed up over the whole thing. Once the divorce was final, and the papers were signed and stamped is when the clouds broke for me, and I started moving forward with my life. Moving out of the family home at that point was hell, and I still have my …
/r/Divorce_Men16/09/23 07:41 PM
4

Don’t do that. I have, and it never helped me feel better or changed the way she dealt with me or lived her life. Forget that bitch. Do what I’m doing now. Find a new girl and tell her how much you like and appreciate her. Show it by doing nice things for her, and making her feel special. It’s way more fun.
/r/Divorce_Men03/09/23 02:41 PM
1

Mediation was a big waste of money for myself and the X. We spent $3000, only to have our “limited scope” attorneys rip our agreements to sheds, saying that the mediator missed this or that. $22,000 later we were finally done on August 16 of this year. If you both can be amicable and fair, I’d suggest retaining attorneys and going through a “collaborative divorce” to draw up your agreements. Wish someone had told me.
/r/Divorce_Men03/09/23 02:35 PM
5

I had little choice but to leave town to find work. I am a commercial electrician, and the closest decent paying work is 7 1/2 hours away. I talk to the kids as much as I can, video chat with them, and I go back into town whenever I have time. It’s the best I can do, and when they’re older I just hope they understand. A lot of guys on here will tell you that you need to give up all your wants and needs for 50/50, and live in some crackerbox apartment hating your life, all for the kid’s sake. I’m…
/r/Divorce_Men01/09/23 02:16 AM
1

I would ditch the wedding ring. Wearing it on the right hand essentially sends a message to future partners that you’re not completely over your past relationship.
/r/Divorce_Men31/08/23 11:17 PM
6

Social media. It’s an addictive drug for women, who then cannot control their urges.
/r/Divorce_Men28/08/23 02:40 PM
2

No shame in hiring an escort, bro. I’ve done it myself.
/r/Divorce_Men27/08/23 03:26 PM
3

My problem is that my family and friends view and treat me as this sad, depressed, broken man, and I’m really not. It’s like they think I should be that way? Everyone deals with divorce differently. Some guys are a sobbing mess laying on the floor, and then some are like me, a person managing the changes as best I can. There’s no wrong way to do this, unless you’re hurting yourself or others. Sure, I have lonely, sad moments, but for the most part I’m doing just fine. I’m being kind to myself an…
/r/Divorce_Men27/08/23 02:20 PM
1

Nope. Deal breaker.
/r/Divorce_Men25/08/23 09:17 PM
0

If they are not his biological children he may still need to pay support, but will have no visitation rights.
/r/Divorce_Men25/08/23 05:02 PM
7

Bro, this same thing just happened to me! Super cute alt-girl who I chased for years. We were always really close friends but nothing more. I recently joined Facebook and reconnected with her, and this time I told her exactly how I felt. To my surprise she reciprocated. We’ve texted and talked almost non stop for the last 2 months, the phone sex started about three weeks ago and has been great. I’m flying out to see her next week. Hoping things from the phone translate to real life. No real reas…
/r/Divorce_Men25/08/23 02:40 PM
3

I don’t hate my ex, but I’m completely indifferent. She had the whole “let’s be friends” idea and I shot that down really fast. I have no need for her to be in my life, other than dealing with her as the biological mother of my children. That’s it.
/r/Divorce_Men22/08/23 12:00 PM
7

From my experience, the “I still wanna be friends” and “show everyone that we can be peaceful together“ is all about preserving her self image in front of her family and friends. It is also a manipulative tactic to control you. After my ex told me, her final decision has been made, and she wanted a divorce She started explaining to me in a happy sing-song voice about how things were going to be afterward. I listened for a few minutes, but then she saw the look on my face and paused midsentence. …
/r/Divorce_Men12/08/23 01:44 PM
3

Or better yet look up “parallel parenting” I demanded this method when going through mediation. Co-parenting gives the woman way too much influence on how you should raise your kids. As for the cheater, dump her Cut off all communication, other than what’s related directly to the children. She might’ve been your wife, she might’ve been your best friend, but then she willingly let another man put his D in her. There is no excuse for this. None. Wives and best friends don’t do that. She’s trash. Y…
/r/Divorce_Men03/08/23 05:24 PM
13

Well, if she is so scared and sad, then maybe she shouldn’t have let someone else put their D in her. actually TWO PEOPLE!! Cut this woman out of your life as much as possible. Don’t ever respond to her sad stories. The biggest mistake a lot guys make is not understanding that they deserve so much better than a piece of trash like that thing you were married to. Time to dump her.
/r/Divorce_Men27/07/23 11:56 PM
3

Bro, you need to break up with her. I’m not talking about divorce, divorce is a legal process. For your own sanity and to move yourself forward, you need to tell her that your relationship is officially over and you no longer have feelings for her. Who cares what she does. It’s no reflection on you. Dump her. I did it with mine and it’s seriously opened up so many doors.
/r/Divorce_Men24/07/23 03:51 PM
3

Go out today and get another bed. Mattress stores will offer all kinds of financing, even to people with shit credit. Boom, done..
/r/Divorce_Men22/07/23 12:48 PM
6

Hold off. Wait until the papers are signed and processed.
/r/Divorce_Men20/07/23 04:07 PM
1

I made the decision last week to join Facebook. I quickly reconnected with a girl I had been super close friends with in high school and a few years after. Hadn’t spoken to her for 18 years. We were always platonic, and will remain so, but she seriously means the world to me, and I never realized how much I’ve missed her until I found her again. We picked up like we had never lost contact. We’ve texted every day. She asks me how I’m doing, sends me funny pictures, and is always available to chat…
/r/Divorce_Men19/07/23 01:33 AM
1

You were served with papers, so it sounds like she has a lawyer. I know it sucks to spend the money man, but you don’t wanna go into this alone. There were several things in my agreements, which were reached through mediation that my lawyer picked out as being completely unfair. The main one being that as it was written, she had a clause in there that under certain circumstances she could sell the house out from under me and I would receive zero equity. I completely missed it..
/r/Divorce_Men13/07/23 08:03 PM
1

I was never officially served. My ex and I had retained attorneys, and they were in contact with each other. When my ex filed, my attorney received a copy of all the paperwork. Being served is not necessary, and costs money.
/r/Divorce_Men12/07/23 05:01 AM
2

You DO NOT have to be a co-parent. Co-parenting is something that has been pushed by feminists and the family courts. Basically co-parenting means that mom makes all the rules and sets all the policies, then if dad doesn’t follow them all to a T he’s being a bad coparent. My ex, and I use a parallel parenting method. I demanded it in meditation. My house, my rules. Whenever the kids are with me they cross an international border between two countries which have no treaties. This prevents punitiv…
/r/Divorce_Men10/07/23 09:32 PM
22

It all depends on what you’re looking for, you know yourself best. I know that the standard response on here is “hit the gym” and for some that works, nothing wrong with improving upon yourself. I was missing companionship, touch, affection. I was in a really dark place for a long time, basically drinking myself to death. Then I went to a concert, met a girl, we talked, hung out, and swayed together during the slow songs. The feelings of relief and fulfillment washed over me like a wave. This is…
/r/Divorce_Men08/07/23 05:41 PM
5

I love this story, that’s awesome man. Congratulations. We all need to remember, no matter how far down emotionally any of us might be right now, there is a future, and the future is what you make it.
/r/Divorce_Men08/07/23 05:28 PM
9

You just have to let her go man, this is the only way. I consider myself lucky after hearing all the stories on here about guys who are hung up on their ex. I no longer feel any kind of possessiveness toward her. Ive come to a place where I regard her as a good person, I genuinely like her, but, she’s not the one. I’ve been a few dates, had sex with a couple other girls, and each time I do, the bond between myself and my ex is weakened. You have to keep moving forward. You need to do this for yo…
/r/Divorce_Men08/07/23 05:27 PM
2

I would move out and take your 17-year-old daughter with you. File immediately. By the time custody gets through the courts, your daughter will probably be 18 anyway, so your wife may not even contest it. It just sounds like a very strange situation. I’d be very suspicious of the dynamic between your wife and the 25-year-old. Very suspicious.
/r/Divorce_Men07/07/23 05:21 PM
2

I’m confused. Just exactly what the hell is this random 25-year-old doing living in your home? Your wife is giving him attention? What kind of attention? You also have a 17-year-old daughter, what’s her dynamic with the 25-year-old? This sounds like the worst of bad ideas to have occurred in the first place.
/r/Divorce_Men07/07/23 05:10 PM
7

She went and looked for it from someone else? Gee, I seem to remember her making some fucking vows? No accountability for the woman huh? I wonder what the gender of the OP is? Also, AP relationships rarely work out for the cheating woman and leave them feeling poorly about themselves, and in worse shape than when they began. Maybe women should honor the commitment they made, and stop acting like petulant children when they don’t get their way. Men are not mind readers. If a woman wants us to kno…
/r/Divorce_Men05/07/23 05:08 PM
1

Got to make the best of what you got brother. My job schedule doesn’t allow me to have 50-50 either. I know you’re angry right now, I was too. But the family courts do believe that it is in the best interest of the child to have a relationship with both of their parents. Don’t fight her over petty shit, just get a good parenting agreement written. If she takes all the money, well whatever, can make more money. Don’t give up the fight to be able to have a relationship with your kids. You’re not g…
/r/Divorce_Men05/07/23 12:23 AM
3

Congratulations brother. I’m newly divorced and just spent the 4th with my new friend-girl. It’s been a good 4th, I must say.
/r/Divorce_Men05/07/23 12:17 AM
4

If she won’t sign a prenup affirming that she won’t touch your retirement, or ask for spousal support. I would seriously reconsider marrying this girl.
/r/Divorce_Men05/07/23 12:14 AM
1

16K so far., but that’s really not too bad. We went through mediation and got our agreements written up, but then, when we obtained lawyers for prove up, they found all sorts of problems, of course. So we had to go back-and-forth and get the agreements rewritten. Sucks.
/r/Divorce_Men05/07/23 12:08 AM
3

Time to get the courts involved. Also, if she’s in really bad shape, you’re going to need to call the police and have a mental health evaluation done on her. She’s not your problem anymore. Do you need to protect the kids?
/r/Divorce_Men01/07/23 01:16 AM
3

Don’t count on your ex to give you anything. That’s really not her problem. As it’s not your problem to give her anything. You are no longer married to her. I buy myself things for my birthday and Father’s Day. I leave wrapping paper in the bedroom and tell the kids to wrap them up. Not a big deal. The bigger question is why are we still romanticizing these women who threw us out like trash? Why are we doing anything for them? Let her ask the latest swinging dick who is fucking her to do somethi…
/r/Divorce_Men30/06/23 09:34 PM
4

Stop helping her in any way, shape or form. It is hard to move on, but it is possible. The biological mother of my children means absolutely nothing to me, nothing, she is a non-entity. You can’t imagine the feeling of relief when you reach this point. Sure, she still calls asking for help with this or that and I tell her that my hourly rate is $57 per hour. Pay me, or pay somebody else. Sometimes you have to remind little kids to say happy Father’s Day, it’s no big deal. Maybe they don’t make a…
/r/Divorce_Men30/06/23 09:30 PM
1

No, her parents and family are perfect in her eyes. She blamed my mother for the cause of a lot of problems for her apparently.
/r/Divorce_Men30/06/23 01:18 PM
3

Everything that went wrong in our marriage, and in her life was either because of some thing which I did, or something which I failed to do.
/r/Divorce_Men30/06/23 01:13 PM
1

Someone posted about this yesterday. My best advice is get rid of it. Find out what it’s worth and sell it. That chapter of your life is over. It’s not worth holding onto the past in that way. I doubt your ex is keeping her ring.
/r/Divorce_Men28/06/23 09:59 PM
3

Nah. Find a cooler water park with a bunch of slides and stuff to take him to on your time.
/r/Divorce_Men28/06/23 05:03 PM
6

Exactly. Women get a sick thrill out of that kind of thing. My stbx’s ring is worth over $6000. I couldn’t care less. She can take it and do whatever she wants with it. Again, I have no emotional attachment to either her, or the ring, or my ring for that matter. She’s the one who wanted to blow it up, she’s the one who broke her vows. She’s going to have to live with that one way or another. A lot of guys on the sub need to learn the phrase “your problems are not my problems”. I don’t think abou…
/r/Divorce_Men28/06/23 12:22 AM
4

I’ve learned that loving and caring for myself is the best thing I can do. Especially at this stage in my life. Never again will I rely on a woman to supplement my happiness or sense of self.
/r/Divorce_Men27/06/23 10:15 PM
21

I’ll be selling mine. It’s 14 karat gold and rhodium plated. Got to be worth something. I guess some people still have sentimental value to that ring, but this woman seriously means not a single thing to me anymore. The fact any of us give a thought to what we should do with the ring shows how loyal men truly are. What is your ex doing with hers? Wearing it on her pinky toe while she gets railed by some random she met online?
/r/Divorce_Men27/06/23 10:02 PM
17

Huh? I thought that was pretty solid advice.
/r/Divorce_Men27/06/23 02:40 PM
1

Do what you have to do to process this brother. I would suggest talking to a therapist. I know that as guys we’re discouraged from the time we’re born about expressing emotions, but therapy can really help. There’s no shame in it. I am in the end stages of divorce. It should be final in a couple weeks. When this first happened it was really hard, I went through a lot to become stable again. Now at the end stages, it’s getting difficult again, but I know that this is it, this is the end, and thin…
/r/Divorce_Men23/06/23 04:38 PM
3

We used a mediator to get our parenting and marital settlement agreements written. She was also an attorney, but surprisingly didn’t do a very thorough job when it came to some of the legal language. When we got our limited scope attorneys, just for final court purposes, they had to do a lot of rewriting, and that cost a bunch of money. Probably less than if we would’ve gone with attorneys right from the start though. If you can avoid financial discovery, that is a huge savings. Try to be in agr…
/r/Divorce_Men21/06/23 08:15 PM
8

If you’re sure she has cheated three times, the real number is probably more like 6 to 10. I would get your kids DNA tested before any parenting/child support agreements are made.
/r/Divorce_Men20/06/23 02:37 PM
1

Do you not have a pre-written parenting agreement? What’s going on there? You should know exactly what your written agreements are before you walk into court.
/r/Divorce_Men16/06/23 02:39 PM
1

The first few weeks are the hardest. Take a deep breath. This isn’t going to happen overnight, you’ll have plenty of time to set yourself up for the future. Hopefully you are candidates for meditation. It’s less expensive than going the attorney route, though you should at least consult with an attorney asap. I’m about 2 weeks from final papers being signed. I’ve heard that the last part of the divorce can be very difficult as well, but that hasn’t been my experience. I’m ready to have my life b…
/r/Divorce_Men15/06/23 05:33 PM
1

Women sure do fck their friends a lot, huh?
/r/Divorce_Men14/06/23 02:40 PM
2

She’s indicated that she thinks she should have the kids more. Dude, she’s going to go after you for everything you’ve got. Do not talk to her before mediation, and I highly, highly suggest having a lawyer present with you during mediation. This is your right. Women love to play nice and entice you into a mediation session where she, and the mediator are obviously working together. This is what happened in my mediation. The mediator actually asked me how much more I would be willing to pay above…
/r/Divorce_Men09/06/23 01:02 AM
2

Women file between 70 and 80% of divorces. Maybe invest in a large mirror and look at yourself often.
/r/Divorce_Men06/06/23 05:16 PM
10

This is why I demanded a parallel parenting system. Ex can only deviate for close family milestone events and unforeseen life events like a funeral. Farmers market?? I’d tell mine to shove it up her can. Yep, the entire market.
/r/Divorce_Men03/06/23 06:16 PM
4

This is exactly why I have zero social media presence
/r/Divorce_Men03/06/23 01:46 AM
5

Call police and get a report. As much as it will suck for the kids to witness, she’ll know to stop playing games.
/r/Divorce_Men03/06/23 01:44 AM
11

Look up “stealth camping” on yoo toobe. It’s been something I’ve done on my own for a while now, and I find it to be very therapeutic. Plus there’s some risk involved just to make it interesting. Also, fuck what she says about you. She’s no longer relevant in any way.
/r/Divorce_Men03/06/23 01:33 AM
1

I still live with my STBX, and wasn’t planning on doing anything for her on Mother’s Day, but then I read my kids messages in the cards they had made for her. Our divorce has been relatively amicable, and it reminded me that no matter what I personally think of her, she is an amazing mom to my two girls. I didn’t get her a card from myself, but I bought her flowers from the kids and helped the kids buy and wrap her gifts. So now if I don’t get anything for Father’s Day, she’s the asshole. I left…
/r/Divorce_Men15/05/23 05:21 PM
7

If you look it up online, even a fairly attractive, sexually adventurous woman with an average number of subscribers is only going to make about $180 a month. Most women quit after they average out the number of hours it takes to produce the content vs. money received. They make about eight dollars an hour. 🤣
/r/Divorce_Men15/05/23 05:08 PM
1

Why would they be any different than married father’s rights once paternity is established?
/r/Divorce_Men09/05/23 05:18 PM
18

Nope, nope, nope. Marriage counselors are nearly always biased toward the woman. She wants a separation because she wants to fuck other guys. There is literally no other reason than that. Wake up. I hate to say it brother, but your marriage is over. Start getting your affairs in order. Talk to a lawyer, get all your financial records, and if you have kids, be ready to rearrange your life in order to be able to see them as much as you possibly can. If you two can get along, using a mediator to fo…
/r/Divorce_Men07/05/23 11:48 PM
6

Illinois bro here. I remained cool headed during mediation and got basically everything I wanted. She kept trying to bait me into acting out, to become openly hostile towards her, but I remained cool as a cucumber and resisted all of it. I remained excruciatingly civil throughout the entire process. She was pissed. I don’t know that you need to scrutinize individual checks like anniversary gifts or whatever but they’re all commingled and are liquid marital assets of which you are entitled to 50%…
/r/Divorce_Men07/05/23 05:36 AM
2

Tonight I decided to go stealth camping in a local forest preserve, shhhhh, don’t tell anyone. I wish I could post pictures to the sub but oh well. It is nice and peaceful out here, beautiful scenery, just myself and the trees. Definitely what I needed.
/r/Divorce_Men29/04/23 12:31 AM
5

I have told the ex that she no longer exists as a person to me. She is a non-entity. I will never establish any kind of amicable relations with her ever again. She wanted a divorce, she broke up our family, well, she got what she asked for. Women always seem to come back around and want to be “friendly” when they need something, a way for you to make things easier for them. Nope. Not me.
/r/Divorce_Men28/04/23 02:01 AM
5

I’m not usually so blunt, but you need to stay away from this woman. You deserve much better than how she treated you, and there are so many other women out there who would treat you better. Being with someone like her is likely doing damage to your own mental health, even if you don’t realize it. Move forward, if for nothing else than for the sake of your child.
/r/Divorce_Men27/04/23 05:22 PM
2

You have an absolute legal right to see your children, even without a parenting agreement. She can’t keep them from you. If all you can do right now is take them out to dinner, go to a park and hang out, whatever it is, make sure you’re spending time with them. If she wants to get the cops involved, so be it. You haven’t done anything wrong.
/r/Divorce_Men22/04/23 02:49 PM
3

Be sure to inform her that she’s being audio recorded. In my state, Illinois, it is actually a felony to record someone without their knowledge when they have a reasonable expectation of privacy. If she doesn’t consent to the recording, tell her feel free to remain silent.
/r/Divorce_Men22/04/23 02:47 PM
8

Mine didn’t get any alimony because of her salary. She tried to file for it year later, and got shot down in a spectacular fashion. The judge had to explain to her what it meant in the MSA where in regard to alimony it says that she will “forever indemnify and hold harmless.” The look on her face warmed my heart.
/r/Divorce_Men22/04/23 01:56 PM
17

Mine tried that too. But I am able to turn my emotions off like a light switch. I told her that I do not consider us as ever having been married. There were no good times, the past never happened. While she is the biological mother of my children, I do not consider her to be their Mom. She is, and will always be a non-entity to me, nothing.. She yells, screams, and cries. But I am like a brick wall. I tell her she is out of my life forever, and I want nothing to do with her. There’s not really m…
/r/Divorce_Men19/04/23 01:54 AM
27

No such thing as a happy broken family.
/r/Divorce_Men19/04/23 01:49 AM
2

Thank you for the award!!
/r/Divorce_Men17/04/23 05:12 PM
6

No, you know what, that’s BS. If a woman is out there cheating, I guarantee you all, literally all of her friends know about it and they won’t say a word. But now you’ve got this white knight of a so-called best friend who calls your wife? Dude I can’t even say what I would do to him on here. That is a complete and total of violation. I know you don’t wanna hear this, but chances are he’s going to try and bang her in the very near future. That’s the kind of bitch ass move this is.
/r/Divorce_Men16/04/23 10:42 PM
1

Your friend called your wife? Wow, some friend. I would have a “serious conversation” with that person.
/r/Divorce_Men16/04/23 10:36 PM
44

She’s not your problem anymore. Keep focusing on yourself and moving forward. Let her get railed by every guy in town, after a while she’ll realize that she’s just an object and means nothing to them. She thinks she’s moving on and the sex is making her feel good about herself and emotionally distancing her from you. Well good for her, but the only thing that she’ll gain from this is diminished self esteem, and possibly chlamydia, or worse. Again, go for yours king, you deserve soooo much better…
/r/Divorce_Men15/04/23 06:41 PM
12

The whole “she’s the mother of your child“ means absolutely nothing to me. I feel this is a common phrase used by STBX wives and feminist divorces attorneys to gain sympathy, and a negotiating tactic. That’s it. Yes, scientifically she is the biological mother of my children, but she is most definitely no longer the woman I married. I’m not going to do anything solely to hurt her financially outside of what I am entitled to and what I need to properly care for the children. At this point it’s a …
/r/Divorce_Men13/04/23 10:17 PM
1

I think she might’ve had a little bit of a part in that as well. Having children is the woman’s choice, isn’t it?
/r/Divorce_Men13/04/23 02:01 AM
5

I feel for all the guys with these kind of stories. I shut off any feelings that I might have had for my ex like a light switch and never looked back. I’m all about maintaining a relationship with my kids, bettering myself, and looking for the love of my life. The last girl obviously wasn’t and I deserve better. Good luck to you.
/r/Divorce_Men12/04/23 12:13 AM
3

We are here for your brother. Keep fighting the good fight. Everything is going to work out, and things are going to be just fine.
/r/Divorce_Men10/04/23 03:52 AM
2

As well as complete indifference to whatever she has going on in her life. It drives him nuts..
/r/Divorce_Men10/04/23 03:02 AM
1

Exactly. This is definitely a female posting in the men’s forum. We don’t have the time nor luxury to be petty like this. The court system will absolutely destroy us for it.
/r/Divorce_Men10/04/23 03:02 AM
1

Female detected. Let’s see if I get downvoted. That is the ultimate test.
/r/Divorce_Men10/04/23 03:01 AM
2

I believe the next Sunday is orthodox Easter, so I think you’re all good
/r/Divorce_Men10/04/23 02:53 AM
1

“St. Patrick’s Day party” 😂🤣 These women are something else.
/r/Divorce_Men10/04/23 12:08 AM
2

If we’re going to go for equality and fairness, I don’t see a problem with my reply. Women have their own subs, where men will be completely attacked and piled on if they attempt to comment there. Why can’t we have our own subs as well?
/r/Divorce_Men08/04/23 02:10 AM
13

This is a men’s sub. Please use r/divorce
/r/Divorce_Men07/04/23 02:11 AM
2

Hard NO to co-parenting. Don’t agree to that. Co-parenting is that mom makes all the rules and all the plans, then if dad doesn’t follow them, he’s being a bad co-parent. Institute a parallel parenting plan. Your time with the child is your time alone. Nobody has influence over it. When my children come into my home, they cross an international border between two countries which have no treaties. Punishments, bedtimes, standard rules of conduct in their moms home do not apply in mine. I am the k…
/r/Divorce_Men01/04/23 02:48 PM
22

She’s cheating. 100%, no doubt. Imagine the scenario if an ex girlfriend had messaged you in a similar manner, and then started brazenly showing up at places you’re hanging out at. What would your wife’s reaction be? Dude, open your eyes. Your wife’s friends are covering for her, like most women do. Unless you plan on beating the shit out of the ex boyfriend the next time you see him, he’s going to be railing your wife like she’s never allowed you to do in a very short amount of time, if he’s no…
/r/Divorce_Men25/03/23 05:37 PM
13

Toxic? You want to see toxic? Check out r/nothowgirlswork This sub is full of hatred, stereotypes, and vitriol towards men. It is a true hive mind populated by absolute she-devils, yet it’s allowed to exist on Reddit, no questions asked.
/r/Divorce_Men25/03/23 05:21 PM
0

Absolutely do not give up the house. Don’t do it. This woman seems completely dysfunctional, and possibly dangerous. You need to get away from her and stay away from her. Trust your gut, and not what your family is telling you. This is your life live it as you see fit.
/r/Divorce_Men19/03/23 10:55 AM
5

You just gotta let it go brother. It’s difficult, and takes time, but for your own sake you need to be at peace Remember, whatever she does is no reflection on you. Just make the kids your number one priority, and never let your anger possibly affect your relationship with them due to arguments with the ex or whoever this new asshole is. She’s no longer the person you used to be married to, and she’s also not your problem anymore.
/r/Divorce_Men13/03/23 08:14 PM
7

I absolutely refused to be a “co-parent”. We are following a parallel parenting model. Co-parenting simply means that Mom makes all the rules and all the plans, and Dad is expected to abide by them, or else he’s being a bad co-parent. Fuck that. My house, my rules, my parenting time.
/r/Divorce_Men13/03/23 01:55 PM
2

With what you’ve described, I would probably go for a collaborative divorce. You each get your own attorney, but you and STBX meet together and attempt to hammer out an agreement before going to court. It’s kind of like mediation, but you both have your attorneys present. Mediation can be lacking when it comes to legal matters. My attorney found several things that could’ve been a problem down the road, and the mediator is not able to advocate for either side to let you know.
/r/Divorce_Men12/03/23 08:15 PM
3

Nope nope nope. That is an absolute dealbreaker. She’s basically telling you straight out that she wants to fuck other guys, if she hasn’t done it already. Never got over an ex but married you? She has some very serious issues to work out, and you don’t need to waste another second of your life on her.
/r/Divorce_Men09/03/23 09:03 PM
5

Unfortunately, you are going to have to spend more money, take her back to court. Have the court mandate that both of you use the Our Family Wizard app. Texts cannot be deleted off that app, and they are admissible in court. There is also a shared calendar for posting events, and even an electronic funds transfer system. TextNow is garbage, stop using it. Don’t reply to her on TextNow. Inform her that TextNow is an app which generates random phone numbers and you can’t be sure of where those mes…
/r/Divorce_Men05/03/23 06:52 PM
3

Your mistake was being born a male. Do a quick role reversal and you’d probably be looking at jail time.
/r/Divorce_Men05/03/23 04:13 PM
3

At the very least, you need to go to mediation and have an agreement drawn up by a mediator who is also an impartial attorney. They can help you navigate what will, or will not be allowed by the court. I also suggest having your agreement reviewed by an attorney of your choosing. There were many things in my divorce case which could have been complications down the road that I never would have thought of without my attorney bringing them up. Also, remember that your marital settlement agreement …
/r/Divorce_Men04/03/23 01:03 AM
3

Wow, your reply stopped me in my tracks. This is exactly what I experienced. I knew that things were not great between us, but I would’ve never guessed she already had 1 foot out the door. One night when we were arguing about something relatively minor, she just blurted out “that’s it, it’s over, we’re getting a divorce” and I’m like “uhhh excuse me?” She told me how she felt mentally, and verbally abused all the time. That I never “see her” and that she’s completely taken for granted. Right awa…
/r/Divorce_Men01/03/23 01:00 AM
3

Definitely not, but in my experience, their brains are just wired differently than ours. What you were describing has distinct hints of narcissism. My ex would never admit that she was wrong about anything. However, if I had solid evidence that she was in fact wrong, she would either shut down and refuse to talk about it, or get extremely angry and change the subject. She would also do this thing where I would say something to her, and she’d repeat it back to me, but it would not be what I said.…
/r/Divorce_Men01/03/23 12:40 AM
1

Women live in a different reality. As a guy, there’s not much you can do.
/r/Divorce_Men28/02/23 08:58 PM
3

Yep, I have a similar story. My ex’s best friend was divorcing her husband, then the ex met a toxic woman at the gym, who is also divorcing her husband. Fast forward three months and I get the papers.
/r/Divorce_Men27/02/23 04:19 PM
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