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Strict-Front-2375 Archive

View 0 posts and 924 comments by Strict-Front-2375 on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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3

Me too. Spent way too much time thinking she wasn't cheating, then thinking you can work things out with a cheater. The sad thing is, I saw a therapist 10 days after she changed overnight; she told me when I described how my wife changed suddenly she was probably cheating, and I didn't want to believe it. I see a lot of guys here in their stories struggle with accepting it too, unless it's outright shoved in their face
/r/Divorce_Men02/08/24 05:13 AM
1

If you got a house pre 2022, sure. If you got a house now, no way. Which is part of what makes divorce so unfair now; I'm in real estate, and back pre 2022, we'd pretty often see cash out refinances to get one spouse off the loan and buy them out. These days, that's impossible, so many families are losing homes with sub 4% interest rates and having to move into apartments that cost more.
/r/Divorce_Men02/08/24 03:59 AM
4

It has a 96% divorce rate. It's basically divorce, with extra, painful steps.
/r/Divorce_Men02/08/24 02:42 AM
6

Harsher than how I put it, but more accurate.
/r/Divorce_Men02/08/24 02:34 AM
2

Ah, that situation, I tend to forget it, as for a man, he was paying alimony if higher earner no matter if he cheated or not. Sucks that a judge would need an affair to make the law apply 'equally'.
/r/Divorce_Men02/08/24 02:26 AM
1

Similar thing in my Church, but we were never very active; just showed up on Sunday, left when it was over, didn't really talk to anyone or participate outside of that. She got really involved after the cheating, and the church took her side. Not that I really tried to fight, it just stopped going, because as you said, not my type of Christian. Honestly most I talk to don't seem to very concerned with anything in the Bible, just the church community and feeling self righteous to cover up being j…
/r/Divorce_Men02/08/24 02:25 AM
3

Well, with interest rates being what they are, owning a home for home buyers today isn't the financial sure thing it used to be. Renting is actually a lot more profitable in comparison than it's ever really been, because almost all the land lords have sub 4% interest and can charge much less than a monthly payment on a home
/r/Divorce_Men02/08/24 02:21 AM
8

I mean, it was over the moment you opened it. Heck, even wanting to open it means it was over. He'll realize that once he gets through the grieving process. But this is a pretty textbook situation
/r/Divorce_Men02/08/24 02:19 AM
1

Really? Asset division? I've never heard of a state taking affairs into account for that. Just alimony at best, and again, you need more than texts for that to do anything other than annoy the judge. Of course, none of this means your atty is doing a good job. IT's not uncommon for them to drop the ball, because how the business model is for atty, they pretty much need to be massively overworked at all times or they're going to go under.
/r/Divorce_Men02/08/24 02:00 AM
2

I barely did. Was laid off day after she left, she drained bank account on way out, and every scrap of money we had went to her to keep out house with a 2.75% interest rate. For the better part of two years I had literally zero money, spent nothing on anything, and ate pasta for dinner every single day. Eventually was able to get back to my old salary, and have a comfortable amount left over. Retirement is entirely shot, but I guess I'll worry about that later
/r/Divorce_Men02/08/24 01:41 AM
1

I also really doubt the 'bait and switch' or 'gold digging'. Your scenerio is just way too common, and I really don't think people can keep up some evil act for so long. What seems much likely is it's just a biological function. Body gets you attracted, pumps the hormones, brain chemistry does it's thing, and then it starts to wear off. And as the whole point the body does this is to make kids, syncing up with kids makes sense.
/r/Divorce_Men02/08/24 01:40 AM
3

Reddit is so funny, someone comes here, says something, you click on their profile, and they post in the most pathetic, degenerate shit. I really think IRL they look like the memes
/r/Divorce_Men02/08/24 01:34 AM
2

Yup, I don't know exactly where you re-sell engagement rings (ebay, lol?) but taking them to a pawn shop or jewelry is lucky to even get 10% back.
/r/Divorce_Men02/08/24 01:28 AM
3

I know it's obvious, but you really, REALLY need to speak with a lawyer. Soon. Like, today
/r/Divorce_Men02/08/24 01:27 AM
2

Does the affair matter in your state? In most states, it has zero impact and a lawyer rightfully should leave it out. And even in the states it does, unless you have a sex tape, probably still the right call
/r/Divorce_Men02/08/24 01:26 AM
14

I agree, the best advice is ending it ASAP. If you don't know why she left, it's because she is cheating, and if she's cheating, there is literally nothing you can do. So cut all contact immediately, and just move on. Don't waste months trying to 'figure out what happened' or 'save the marriage'. Just end as quickly and harshly as you can.
/r/Divorce_Men02/08/24 01:25 AM
9

Not the divorce, once she cheated it was the only realistic out come. Like a leg that suffered a wound and had gangrene, it had to be cut off. While I obviously wish the marriage didn't end the way it did, I don't really have any regrets about the marriage, there wasn't really anything I could have done differently. I would have liked to be in a better financial position before we got married, but you don't really have a choice in that.
/r/Divorce_Men02/08/24 01:19 AM
1

Yup, it's a very high burden of proof. Like, you need sex vids
/r/Divorce_Men02/08/24 12:09 AM
1

Oh yeah, no chance in hell she ever shows a single moment of regret, especially as it's played out exactly like I told her it would
/r/Divorce_Men02/08/24 12:08 AM
2

Hard to say, but it's probably less often than we fear, but more than we think
/r/Divorce_Men02/08/24 12:06 AM
3

You know you've finally gotten closure when don't care enough about them to even want to send them anything like this, or even think about it
/r/Divorce_Men01/08/24 05:00 AM
3

You're right on smelling out his BS. The fact he wants to 'reconcile' yet keep a 'FWB' might show where some fault in his divorce came from
/r/Divorce_Men01/08/24 02:48 AM
1

Kids cost money, so you'll argue you want money so you can have custody
/r/Divorce_Men01/08/24 02:47 AM
2

This. And even then, it takes pretty had evidence to prove it in court. It's enough to know the cheating took place (and honestly, even if you don't know, if you don't know why it's happening, that's enough for you to know). Beyond that? You probably want less details.
/r/Divorce_Men01/08/24 02:47 AM
2

I spent 10k on a ring for my Ex, which, I know not the most, but when we got married I was making 42k, so it was quite a bit of money for me. After she came back from her overseas affair, I asked her 'where is her ring' (I didn't even ask for it back, just wanted to know if she still even had it) and she refused to tell me. That was actually pretty much all she told me about the divorce once I found out the reason she changed over night was cheating. Went from excuse after excuse to 'I don't hav…
/r/Divorce_Men01/08/24 02:45 AM
2

I say it a lot, but that is what causes the majority of divorces; someone makes a pass at a married woman, she gets tingles, and then the ball gets rolling on the destruction train.
/r/Divorce_Men01/08/24 02:38 AM
1

Definitely getting wrecked financially made me unable to date effectively for almost two years. I was having difficulty feeding myself and keeping a roof, wasn't exactly room for extra
/r/Divorce_Men01/08/24 02:36 AM
1

Hopefully you're not here for any reason related to your actual life, and are just watching the train wrecks. Not a good crew to count yourself a member of, haha. But half of marriages don't end like this, so don't worry -too- much
/r/Divorce_Men01/08/24 02:35 AM
1

Yup, the lies is a big reason they can't come back. When I was still in simping mode, and trying to 'save' our marriage, once it get down that all the excuses she was giving were bs other than she wanted new dick, she basically said 'how could I go back after everything I've said about you? We could never have a normal marriage'
/r/Divorce_Men01/08/24 01:50 AM
6

Exactly. With any luck, he's in a state that can't start the divorce clock until they're not living together. Me refusing to move out, and my ex wanting to divorce ASAP, forced her to call up a friend she hadn't spoken too in years to move in with
/r/Divorce_Men01/08/24 01:45 AM
5

I also got the 'I want a divorce' after visiting family overseas. No real question what happened there to cause that. I get the last part also; she wanted to live in her home country full time, and I had applied for a job to get us there; I'd get that job months later after she left, felt good turning it down.
/r/Divorce_Men01/08/24 01:39 AM
3

Because it's not that the rule are being broken; they just don't like things which go against the agenda. The rules just exist to have a reason without saying that part
/r/Divorce_Men01/08/24 01:25 AM
13

No, it's just the default for reddit is 'pro women' so pretty much every other sub at there that touches on the subject of divorce is essentially already 'divorce_women' meaning there isn't much reason to have a sub for it.
/r/Divorce_Men01/08/24 01:24 AM
1

While I agree with the outcome, there is at least -some- dedication to making it 10 years to secure it. Unless the cheating starts early and is covered up for years
/r/Divorce_Men01/08/24 01:21 AM
2

That's exactly what it is. It's all it is. Everything else is just lying on the part of the cheater, and coping on the part of the cheated.
/r/Divorce_Men31/07/24 03:07 AM
7

What really made me understand this was my best friends now ex wife. When my wife left me, she was the biggest hater of my ex. She called all the excuses my ex gave as BS, said exactly why she was doing what she was doing, and was pretty much the only women I've met whose called out that 'divorce play book'. Well, 14 months later she'd cheat on my best friend and leave him, and she was following that play book to a tee herself, despite saying how much BS it was. Made me realize that while not al…
/r/Divorce_Men30/07/24 02:40 AM
8

Kinder as well; generally, at this point they're looking for marriage, and while yes, you can probably drag out one more 'okay' year before they get fed up and leave, it's best to just not waste their time any further. I had to do that with the one decent woman I've been with post divorce, mostly because she wanted marriage, I didn't, and it wouldn't have been right to let her hang around until she realized that wasn't something I wasn't going to change my mind on.
/r/Divorce_Men30/07/24 02:00 AM
3

I'll also add it won't work long term in general, but hopefully none of us here are gearing up for round 2 at marriage
/r/Divorce_Men30/07/24 01:48 AM
6

Nothing I'm aware of, but it wouldn't be anything I could think of that would be 'bad' on his part. He was kinda an overweight pushover of a man though. Nice guy, funny, but not what I'd call sexy or attractive in anyway. And this was when I was a prosecutor, so he wasn't making any money at all, either. (Are salaries were like 40k back then). I know it caught him completely off guard. Took him a few years to get 'normal' again. edit; we also worked a ton of hours at that job, he and I were usua…
/r/Divorce_Men30/07/24 01:25 AM
1

It is pretty crazy how brazen it is. Just this weekend, I was at the bar with my friend and his wife, and multiple guys came up and basically tried to see if she'd sleep with them. I've had one co-worker make a serious pass at me, and a few people flirt with me at work, but, I could probably count the times, and I can't imagine if that was a DAILY occurrence.
/r/Divorce_Men30/07/24 12:50 AM
2

Probably can't, the numbers sound about right. Typically, it's somewhere between 28-36% of you post tax take home in a SAHM alimony situation. Oh, and child support goes on top of that.
/r/Divorce_Men30/07/24 12:38 AM
3

Ugh, agreed. My ex, after the first AP bailed on her, eventually started dating her 'personal trainer' at the gym (and then a few others of the same ilk after that didn't last). She got totally into that fitness and looks unrecognizable from the slim beauty focused woman she was when we were together. And you're right, it definitely helped in getting over her.
/r/Divorce_Men30/07/24 12:28 AM
2

While I don't know UT specifically, typically the only thing in a minority of states that will limit Alimony is having sex with another man during the marriage. And even then, you have to be able to prove it, which is harder than it sounds.
/r/Divorce_Men30/07/24 12:26 AM
1

Because then we wouldn't be long term with women at all. Men get married because they know if they don't, their GF's will leave to get fucked by other men. Maybe those men won't marry them either, but they'd prefer that outcome. And men don't look out for men. You have the 'chads' at the top who don't care, the 'simps' at the bottom (look at them who wander in here going 'men bad' 'not all women!' for AMPLE evidence) who will do anything for women for the whiff of a pussy, and the rest in the mi…
/r/Divorce_Men30/07/24 12:25 AM
1

Essentially. A pre-nup is a contract. So is marriage; it just happens the 'default' contract used heavily favors women.
/r/Divorce_Men30/07/24 12:23 AM
6

It's about the two year mark the biochemistry that makes women so amazing to you at the start begins to fade. I wouldn't say anything 'abnormal' happened, but really, most relationships you'll find what you experienced will happen
/r/Divorce_Men30/07/24 12:22 AM
6

Totally normal to feel numb. Also, the situation, while not common, isn't uncommon. I had a co-worker whose wife of 5 years just vanished while he was at work one day. Came home, her and all her stuff was gone. No note or anything. It's been 5 years, he's still not heard a word from her, all he got was served divorce papers for a no contest divorce.
/r/Divorce_Men30/07/24 12:20 AM
4

Nope. In fact, I didn't even consider it to be a possibility until she left; even at that stage where she gets 'weird' overnight, because she just cheated, I didn't consider. Heck, even after I found out the reason she had been so 'weird' the past 10 weeks was because she was having an affair, I thought it wasn't really going to happen. But, I had a pretty blindsided divorce
/r/Divorce_Men30/07/24 12:18 AM
2

I don't think all women will do this; but if hey do do it, the actions what come afterwards are incredibly similar
/r/Divorce_Men30/07/24 12:03 AM
12

Typically, getting sexual interest in another is what starts the dissolution of the marriage. They'll cite other reasons, but those become 'problems' now that another man is giving them tingles
/r/Divorce_Men29/07/24 11:59 PM
2

I've read the flaws in the studies, yes. And the more correct data ones showing a 6% difference. I've also read the studies involving only both sides of a divorce, where 57% of of the husbands said their wives cheated on them, compared to 32% of wives saying their husbands cheated on them. (21% of the husbands said they cheated, 13% of the wives did).
/r/Divorce_Men29/07/24 05:36 AM
1

Funny thing is, from what I've seen when women divorced, all those activites causing the 'emotinal load'? Stops doing them entirely, as when it all falls on her, she realizes they're actually pretty pointless
/r/Divorce_Men29/07/24 05:32 AM
2

Folks love to give a 'should have' when they hear bad things. It makes us feel better to think that there was ways to avoid something, that we have more control than we do. Reality? We have a lot less than we'd ever like
/r/Divorce_Men29/07/24 05:30 AM
2

I do think men here lose sight of that half of marriages don't end up like these here.
/r/Divorce_Men29/07/24 05:29 AM
1

Yup, the insane sex bender women go on when they leave, while they do it to help them feel like they made the right decision to leave, it certainly helps you also realize 'yeah, this is over, I wouldn't touch that with a 10 ft pole'
/r/Divorce_Men29/07/24 03:14 AM
2

Might've been different for them. Marriage worked out for my mom and dad, so they wouldn't really be ones telling me 'don't get married'. That said, they didn't really tell me 'get married' either. Won't the sort to give advice much either way
/r/Divorce_Men29/07/24 03:12 AM
1

Yup, always is. The 'best' I can say is, at that time she had no intention of sleeping with him. He, however, is always orbiting around being DTF and doing whatever he can to subltely push her into that situation. So, the longer she's in contact with him, the more risk she eventually is DTF.
/r/Divorce_Men29/07/24 01:48 AM
2

That's a good one, and looking back on it, my ex was like that too. Not even just people in her life, whatever was popular, or social media said was good, would drive her opinion on things. When others opinions, instead of reality, drives actions, that's dangerous territory as you have no control there
/r/Divorce_Men29/07/24 01:47 AM
2

Ouch. That's dumb. Those govt jobs are pure cushion, doing the few things that can get you fired from one is so dumb.
/r/Divorce_Men29/07/24 01:27 AM
1

As a lawyer, I would never date another lawyer.
/r/Divorce_Men29/07/24 01:26 AM
1

I don't know if I would phrase it like that, but certainly my experience with religion is significantly dampened by the people who attend the churches
/r/Divorce_Men29/07/24 01:23 AM
1

Def my ex's view on it. She still refuses to talk to her family as they told her she was making a mistake divorcing a good man. Her family is pretty wealthy, so imagine she'll reach back out at some point, but been over 3 years this month.
/r/Divorce_Men29/07/24 01:20 AM
3

I didn't have sex for about 18 months after my divorce. I was someone who always woke up with a raging hard-on, and pretty much the next day after she cheated, I pretty much never had morning wood. I'm back to having morning wood, and while I did date for awhile, I haven't been on one since May so far, or made any effort.
/r/Divorce_Men28/07/24 09:34 PM
1

Yeah, when people say that, I think they assume the wife isn't working, so you're basically using her tax deductions that would otherwise go unused
/r/Divorce_Men28/07/24 08:26 PM
1

Yup, I read that one too. Three different ones coming to the same data. It really explained...most everything. Basically, no matter what the man did, attractive, chores, simp, dick, etc, within 5 years, the vast majority of wives had lost sexual interest in their husbands. For me, it took almost twice that length to start falling, and not even to the same degree. And women's sexual interest in husband has a direct, and very strong, correlation with divorce rates, while the reverse was barely not…
/r/Divorce_Men28/07/24 05:49 PM
3

I think I can guess how and why this one ended
/r/Divorce_Men28/07/24 05:47 PM
4

Exactly; I really think as a society, if we educated women on how their feelings work, it would go a long ways. Like, imagine if we didn't tell men about being horny, and they though their horniess was the result of others actions.
/r/Divorce_Men28/07/24 05:45 PM
6

And they way those feelings work, driven by hormones and psychology, means it starts out moving heaven and earth, and then eventually gives away as the biochemistry wears off. It throws men for a loop, because at the start of a relationship, we're really not doing much of anything and treated like princes, then once we commit every time, energy, and resource to them, we're shocked we get significantly worse treatment. It's because, despite what's said, it really has very little to do with men's …
/r/Divorce_Men28/07/24 05:38 PM
5

I don't know if I'd call it 'mental health' but more like if you get a physical injury and it has to heal. So, definitely for a good two years I wasn't in the best spot mentally, but it's to be expected when the person whose supposed to be the one you trust the most does something worse than everyone else in your life has ever done or will do combined.
/r/Divorce_Men28/07/24 05:36 PM
2

It hurts to see the guys still in the simp stage at the start, as I remember that stage. But it really is awful when you see the guys who go full circle and have shifted to simping for women in general to cope
/r/Divorce_Men28/07/24 04:42 AM
2

Yup, co-workers are number one source of affairs, followed by 'just friends'
/r/Divorce_Men28/07/24 04:41 AM
1

Exactly. Probably wants her to leave him alone
/r/Divorce_Men28/07/24 04:40 AM
2

My 2nd job was prosecutor for a county at the beach. The 3 years I was there, two different pairs of prosecutors cheated on their spouses together, eventually leaving to get married. Both sets are still together 8+ years later with kids. I also had co-worker make a similar pass at me. Some workplaces are very harmful to marriages.
/r/Divorce_Men28/07/24 04:40 AM
21

The 'real' reason to get married is for children. Marriage isn't guaranteed to fail, it's the best method to have children and not particuarly close, so if you want kids, you take that shot. If it doesn't work out, you try to be the best parent you could be. The 'actual' reason most men get married is they know their GF will leave them if they don't, and unlike said GF who has a guy on speedial to try again, most men know they don't have that same certainity. They then convice that 'it's great r…
/r/Divorce_Men28/07/24 04:37 AM
4

Heck, even here we're not safe from the simps.
/r/Divorce_Men28/07/24 04:35 AM
2

True, men who cheat are more likely to stay with their wife than leave; the reverse is true for women. So it might just men women are filing for divorce at the same rate, but now it's just because their husbands are cheating so much
/r/Divorce_Men27/07/24 10:46 PM
2

I'd say men are even weaker too it, but the scenario of a 'chad' at work showing sexual interest in a man happens far less to men than it does women, which is why we see this story play out more with women than with men. If women came onto men, like men come onto women, we'd probably have the divorce rates inverted.
/r/Divorce_Men27/07/24 10:00 PM
5

Yup, while I got off 'lightly' during the divorce itself, that's largely because she had spent everything (while contributing nothing) during the marriage itself
/r/Divorce_Men27/07/24 09:58 PM
6

Hmm, I saved about 5k a year on taxes being married. But my ex didn't work, and spent a lot more money than me, so money was a huge issue for much of our marriage. I was laid off the day after she left (and drained our bank account) and had to take a job paying 45k less than what I had been making. I'm down to 15k less than what I was making, and I have more money left over each month, even with a $500 a month payment to her essentially.
/r/Divorce_Men27/07/24 09:46 PM
8

Simps love the 'both sides do it' ignoring both the difference in scale and fault.
/r/Divorce_Men27/07/24 04:10 PM
20

Everyone knows there is no easier lay than the recently separated/divorced wife
/r/Divorce_Men27/07/24 01:57 PM
4

Well, the gym is considered a church by some
/r/Divorce_Men27/07/24 01:56 PM
10

I mean, if you read the bible, or even further back, the greeks, this isn't new
/r/Divorce_Men27/07/24 01:55 PM
3

This. It sounds like a special hell living with a cheating spouse. I'm thankful my state requires you to live apart a year before you can file; forces them out if they want to run away with their AP
/r/Divorce_Men27/07/24 05:04 AM
12

I would say compared to the amount of opportunity for cheating presented, vs how often it's accepted, women actually are much better than men. The difference is, women are constantly having many men they interact with interested in sleeping with them, and every interaction said men have with them has that in play, sometimes subtlely, sometimes not, but it's there. They don't have to make efforts to cheat, it comes to them. Men, it happens much more rarely, and have to take an active part to seek…
/r/Divorce_Men27/07/24 05:02 AM
3

This. Understanding my ex didn't do anything exceptional to me, but acted very normal, helped to understand and move on.
/r/Divorce_Men25/07/24 12:32 AM
2

This. Trusts are by far the best estate planning tool. Get one drafted by an attorney, amend it during significant life events, but for the most part, if well drafted, it can be done without amendments. Putting all property into it is a great start as well.
/r/Divorce_Men23/07/24 09:50 PM
4

Yup, before I knew my wife was cheating, I heard a ton of 'my friends say this' 'none of my friends would x' and such. Pretty awful humans
/r/Divorce_Men23/07/24 05:28 AM
2

Hmm, about 9.5 years together here. 3 years dating, 6.5 married.
/r/Divorce_Men23/07/24 04:37 AM
3

Oof, yeah, I remember that. Seeing her AP posting them in a hotel on IG, even after we had a 4 hour talk two nights prior. Just ignored the calls. Wish I could say Karma caught up with her, but it's only been 3 years. She's doing fine, I'm doing fine as well, so I guess it works out.
/r/Divorce_Men23/07/24 04:30 AM
12

The switch is a new dick, if you're wondering.
/r/Divorce_Men23/07/24 04:05 AM
3

I will say, in my state, there requires physical separation to start the 1 year waiting period before you can file. She wanted me to move out, I refused, and she ended up that same night calling a friend she hadn't spoken too in 3 years to move in with because she wanted to start that divorce clock as soon as she could so she could be with the AP. I've heard here plenty of guys being 'seperated' but living together, which sounds just awful
/r/Divorce_Men23/07/24 04:04 AM
3

Typically, it's the new guy that flips the switch. She doesn't flip the switch, start treating you cold, then go looking. She gets tingles from a guy, that flips her switch, and then it plays out like we've all seen over and over.
/r/Divorce_Men23/07/24 03:00 AM
1

It's hard for them to be nice, as to make themselves feel like they're not the bad guy, they have to treat you like the bad guy. After all, if you were a good guy, and they were doing this, that would make them the bad guy. And they can't be the bad guy.
/r/Divorce_Men23/07/24 02:17 AM
1

I get that picking up extra work because other people have families thing. The past three years have been a lot of that for me.
/r/Divorce_Men23/07/24 02:15 AM
3

Yup, same here. I am in a bible belt state, but she drained the bank account on her way out the door, and I was laid off the day after she left, plus we had a ton of debt, mostly from her lifestyle. I pretty much couldn't do anything other than stay home and eat pasta for over a year.
/r/Divorce_Men23/07/24 01:57 AM
2

And even then, it's fine to date during separation.
/r/Divorce_Men23/07/24 01:50 AM
2

This, sadly. If you don't know why your wife left, it's because of new dick. Which is the majority of the other time. The minority of the time, it'll be obvious and you won't be shocked Like, you're violent or something or have a substance abuse problems. Which very often is what she'll tell people, as woman would much rather lie than say 'I left for new dick'
/r/Divorce_Men23/07/24 01:48 AM
1

It's sad those 'red flags' are present in more women I know than not.
/r/Divorce_Men22/07/24 04:37 AM
2

That's sucks; I tried my hardest to miss it being the ultimate simp, but she luckily wanted to get back overseas so fast to be with her AP, I helped her in my simpness fast track the divorce, as that's what she wanted to do. A year later after we signed the separation agreement (which we had only spoken once in the year since) when she called me out to serve me, she basically accused me of stealing the house from her, as she wanted a pay out now, rather than waiting for it to sell. She had gone …
/r/Divorce_Men21/07/24 08:11 PM
1

Yup, typically when a woman starts acting like that, is another man gave her tingles. She'll start treating her current man bad to justify ending it to chase the tingles. hell, I've heard it might even be a hormonal thing, like, the reason women get angry during a phase each month is because their body is upset it's not pregnant, and is trying to make them leave the currant guy for one who will knock them up. (At least that's what the femnist IG reels tell me.
/r/Divorce_Men21/07/24 05:54 PM
2

Yup, it does. The first year I was a stressed mess, the second year I was a depressed mess, in the 3rd year now, and it's okay. I wouldn't say I'm better than pre-divorce, but I'm multiple times better than I was those first two years.
/r/Divorce_Men21/07/24 05:51 PM
7

I'd say a promiscuous past, I suppose, as overlooking that in my ex ended up biting me hard. Though, it's nothing you'd get honesty out of, so you can't exactly eliminate it, just minimize it.
/r/Divorce_Men21/07/24 01:27 AM
6

The studies show wive's, almost without fail, start to lose sexual interest in their husbands within 5 years of marriage. It's to a degree I don't think there is a way around it, as it was the same despite any traits the husbands said. That said, there are some very obvious red flags to watch out for, but just know that just reduces the odds of what happened to us here, and honestly? I don't think it reduces it by much. What happened wasn't exceptional, it was just very normal behavior well with…
/r/Divorce_Men21/07/24 01:22 AM
8

I think almost every women will have that particular flag
/r/Divorce_Men21/07/24 01:20 AM
1

I can, my best friends little brother was a bartender and made about that much. He quit and tried to corporate after getting married, but he started out making 50k and got laid off after a year. A year of trying to find another corp job and he went back to bartending. He hates it now that he's older and married, as no time off, no benefits, on his feet all day, no breaks, bad hours for a relationship, and the biggest perk, banging lots of women, isn't really an option anymore. But it pays the bi…
/r/Divorce_Men20/07/24 11:33 PM
1

This'll be a bit scattered, but my passion of distaste for law is about the only thing I feel more strongly than divorce involving cheating spouses, haha. I would not be an attorney if I could do it over again. I originally went to school to be an engineer, like my dad, but he was laid off due to being old my first year of college, and I didn't want something like that to happen to me (plus 3 more years of school sounded 'fun' thinking it would be more college). So I swapped in my 2nd year. Whil…
/r/Divorce_Men20/07/24 08:04 PM
1

It's pretty much how I've had to treat most my extended family, and it's been working. I have friends who complain constantly about family/in laws and the drama, whereas I just have 90% of them blocked and haven't spoken to them in years, so I don't have to bitch when hanging out with friends about something in my power to avoid
/r/Divorce_Men20/07/24 05:17 PM
2

Probably the best option. He's living in some fantasy land, with nothing real to compare it too. It'll be hard to get him to go out with friends, got party, and yeah, those women his age have slept with 20 guys for a reason, so he can be 21. If he actually took that step, it would fix a lot of his views of the world, but again, can't really pressure him to take that step. Next thing is at least letting him see a 'real' version of this person he's fantasying about
/r/Divorce_Men20/07/24 05:15 PM
2

Married Red Pill, I think? I don't think studies have shown it have any positive/negative effect, but folks like to think they have control
/r/Divorce_Men20/07/24 05:13 PM
2

We all though we'd be the exception, sadly. That's why everyone 'knows' divorce has a 50% chance of ending just awful, and being incredibly damaging, yet we all still get married thinking it won't be us
/r/Divorce_Men20/07/24 05:13 PM
4

I know the feeling; the day after my wife left, I got laid off from work in a mass lay off. (that my boss said I wouldn't be part of 3 days prior, haha). She had also drained our bank account to zero prior to leaving, and I was making 115k at the time, and I'd say our bills (mostly pushed for things she wanted) used up 105k worth each month. So, yeah, that was a rough spot to be in, with bills coming in and now job. Had to do some drastic finance restructing , and take the first job that was off…
/r/Divorce_Men20/07/24 05:10 PM
1

I've seen a few reels of that; it's hilarious, as nothing gets you divorced faster than simping behavior, but women all claim it's what they want.
/r/Divorce_Men19/07/24 11:26 PM
1

Yup, and it worked! I went less and less because I felt less and less need to talk about it, then one time, I realized even I didn't want to talk about it anymore an canceleed and never rescheduled .
/r/Divorce_Men19/07/24 10:33 PM
3

I'm glad my Rebound wasn't interested in anything serious, I probably coulda got into trouble. As is, she was 9 years younger than me (26 to my then 35) and she was my best friends little brother's fiancé's best friend. She was at that age all her friends were meeting 'great guys' and getting engaged and married, and she kept whining to her friend how much she wanted to meet a great to marry too. Well, enter me, fresh on the market, and my friend's fiancé thought I was a great guy from all our t…
/r/Divorce_Men19/07/24 10:29 PM
2

This. That was the only benefit I found, was just having someone to talk too, because I can PROMISE YOU no one in life wants to hear a man whine about his divorce. No one. People might listen to a woman moan about hers, either because it makes them feel good if a woman, or they want to sleep with her if a man, but as the divorced husband? People don't want to know shit about you divorce, not one word. The actual therapy stuff was pretty bunk, but it was nice just to have someone to talk to about…
/r/Divorce_Men19/07/24 10:21 PM
2

Answer is don't obsesses over it. My ex told me for a fact she was telling everyone I was abusive, and that's why she was divorcing me, whereas she told me she cheated on me because I made my life all about her, and it made her feel too pressured. It's the reason she stopped talking to anyone who knew me (including her family) as they would know that was total BS. Does it bother me my wife of 10 years overnight started treating me worse than anyone else in the world? Sure, but nothing I can do a…
/r/Divorce_Men19/07/24 10:18 PM
3

Yup, there is no un-ringing that bell
/r/Divorce_Men19/07/24 02:08 AM
2

Yup, kinda how mine went. I thought since her AP was overseas, she would actually try. Instead, I got 10 weeks of 'I don't want to talk right now, I'm still thinking about it' while she started sleeping with a bunch of new men
/r/Divorce_Men19/07/24 02:07 AM
2

While true, it's not something you recognize in the moment. Hindsight makes it clear, but when all this drops, we're not exactly in an objective state of mind
/r/Divorce_Men19/07/24 02:05 AM
1

It's definitely a situation to have mixed feelings about. You married them for a reason, and you had a live together. It'd be very odd if you were 100% on this.
/r/Divorce_Men19/07/24 01:43 AM
2

Yup, typically 'amicable' divorce means the husband didn't get what he would have been owed at trial.
/r/Divorce_Men19/07/24 01:36 AM
1

This. You just had a legal contract shattered, probably by one parties bad faith. It's not exactly fertile ground for a new legal agreement
/r/Divorce_Men19/07/24 01:36 AM
2

Harsh, but on point
/r/Divorce_Men19/07/24 01:28 AM
1

And either way, you don't have a choice, so nothing to worry about. Just do what ya gotta do
/r/Divorce_Men19/07/24 01:26 AM
1

That's the thing; they're not looking. It comes to them, and they get tingles, and then they start losing connection. I've found the 'they stopped dating me' a total BS lie peddled. And it doesn't matter if you're doing exactly what you said; that doesn't stop the cheating at all. As the tingles come for them regardless, and that's exactly what causes it. Nothing to do with 'needs' not being met. That's the literal lie told after the fact to justify 'A man came onto me, I got tingles, and it sno…
/r/Divorce_Men19/07/24 01:18 AM
1

I've found the opposite; the marriage will often be 100% fine, another guy gives her tingles, then she destorys it. Far more common than an already dead marriage and she latches onto a guy. I do agree that switch can't be flipped back on; but what makes her flip it is another guy gives her tingles. Maybe you can say somethign took place to make her more 'vulernable' to getting tingles, but if men weren't coming onto her, this wouldn't happen. They don't seek it out, and they don't start thinking…
/r/Divorce_Men18/07/24 09:59 PM
3

This. It's over, and been over. At this point just has to stop the bleeding and get out
/r/Divorce_Men17/07/24 10:34 PM
16

The weight doesn't get lighter. You get stronger.
/r/Divorce_Men17/07/24 10:32 PM
2

In fact, it's a new guy which starts the whole dissolution process of the marriage. Which, it takes time, but it's not over for months, then they find a guy. They get tingles for a guy, and then it can take months before they feel comfortable leaving
/r/Divorce_Men17/07/24 10:31 PM
3

This. This happened prior to the trip, and she was having a bit of guilt; that tinge of guilt doesn't last long
/r/Divorce_Men17/07/24 10:30 PM
3

Typically, the D started before that, and the 'break' is both to legitimize it, and just get you off her back to really indulge.
/r/Divorce_Men17/07/24 10:29 PM
1

Yeah, the only real perk to a VA loan is no PMI. If you're able to put 20% down, it doesn't have significant advantages over just doing conventional.
/r/Divorce_Men17/07/24 03:29 AM
3

Yup. My wife said she was 'leaving me for her freedom, and would cut anyone out of her life she had too' which other than me included her family. Said freedom involved taking 50k from me, going on a world tour of dick ,then moving in with a co-worker 8 years older a year later once she ran out of money. Lots of 'freedom' on her part there
/r/Divorce_Men17/07/24 01:16 AM
5

Yup, pretty normal. My ex did the same, communication was spotty during the 10 weeks 'wtf is going on' period, and once I discovered she was cheating and she moved out, it dropped to basically zero. Made it a real pain to close joint accounts, get insurance switched over, change phone plans, etc, and made the process which should have been over in a year take 20 months.
/r/Divorce_Men17/07/24 01:13 AM
1

Hmm, depends how often? At the start, I dreamed all the time. I'm at over 3 years out now, and while it still happens, it's definitely not even so frequently I would call it monthly. And unlike before, when it would ruin my sleep, this time I just wake up and fall back asleep.
/r/Divorce_Men17/07/24 12:33 AM
2

I would say they're not actually weeding out fuckbois by doing this; they just don't see you as fuckboi material, so it's actually very insulting. Because, as you said, I've not yet met any women on my OLD ventures whose not banging men while currently trying to date other men. 12 years ago when I last dated that would have been, at the least, something shamefully hidden, but now it's just expected. Kinda disgusting
/r/Divorce_Men17/07/24 12:30 AM
2

I can relate to the regret; shortly after she left, I put all the 'us' stuff in a storage bin and had my dad store it in some closet at his place. If for some god-forsaken reason I ever want any of it years and years from now, it'll be there, but it let me get it out of sight, out of mind quickly
/r/Divorce_Men17/07/24 12:29 AM
1

Just understand nothing in Mediation is binding, so if it's a bad deal, don't sign anything. As for child support, it'll depend on custody arrangments for how much that'll be, depending on jurisdiction, even 50/50 can have the higher income owe some to lesser income. If you have kids aged 7, you've probably been married long enough for Alimony. As for equitable distrubtion of property, it's anything you've gotten during marriage, plus any prior property converted into marital property. There's a…
/r/Divorce_Men16/07/24 10:47 PM
3

I don't think your social situation should have much factor in if you divorce or not. But that said, I hadn't spoken to most of my friends in almost two years prior to my divorce, largely due to my ex wanting to pull away from them. I've reconnected with some, but they're all married with kids now, so it's more like once every few months I might see them, so with everyone together, it's usually just work and me on weekdays, and 2-3x a month I'll spend an evening with some friends.
/r/Divorce_Men16/07/24 10:43 PM
2

Same here; she was out drinking with them the night she cheated. Encouraged her at it. Then lied and covered for her. It's disgusting.
/r/Divorce_Men16/07/24 10:37 PM
2

It's exactly what it is, I've noticed. All of these 'finding myself' 'feeling young again' 'seeing the world' 'knowing my own worth' etc all plays out in reality as 'getting lots of dick'. Which doesn't want to just be called what it is for some reason; guys will do the same, but they call it what it is. But yes, my ex did the same, and had a fun year of it after she her AP partner didn't even stick around 3 weeks.
/r/Divorce_Men16/07/24 10:37 PM
5

This. The new guy is what causes the marriage to begin to unravel, it's not a symptom of it.
/r/Divorce_Men16/07/24 10:34 PM
2

I've had some women like that, normally the older they are, the more I've had those demands. But, I've not been dating any divorced and/or single moms, so they are probably keenly aware of the time. (Heck, I'm almost 38 and wouldn't mind a family either, so I get it). The younger women I've been with still feel they're too young to settle down, so while the dates were fun, it wasn't anything that was long term. I did have a 31 year old woman I went out with who was great, but after two months of…
/r/Divorce_Men16/07/24 10:31 PM
1

Hmm, it was the opposite for me. The younger women were wanted to have fun but not be serious, while the older one's basically wanted to skip right to the 'entitled' stage of the relationship usually reserved for at least 2 years post marriage
/r/Divorce_Men16/07/24 10:27 PM
2

Yup; as the old saying goes, if she has rules for you, she's not into you. You should be hearing 'I never do this, but....' if she's into you
/r/Divorce_Men16/07/24 10:25 PM
2

Worse, I've found they demand the above, but are still doing that with other guys while they wait. Hopefully the two don't overlap, but it did for me.
/r/Divorce_Men16/07/24 10:24 PM
2

Yup, I learned that quickly. It's a weird dating world out there from even 12 years ago when I last dated; back then, it was sorta assumed that you'd go out with one person, and you'd call things off with them before moving on to someone else. Now, I learned just because we were having sex doesn't mean literally the next day she was going to go out with someone else and have sex with them too. Been in that situation twice so far after just going out with 9 women. Might have been more, but it did…
/r/Divorce_Men16/07/24 10:22 PM
9

It honestly helped me a lot realizing my ex wife wasn't some special kind of evil ,or did anything outrageous, but was acting in a very normal manner.
/r/Divorce_Men16/07/24 01:49 AM
11

You have an accurate read on it, particularly on why she's really doing what she's doing, compared to what she's telling the world she's doing it for, and have the appropriate (disgusted) reaction to it. It uh, won't be fun for a while. It might not be better once it's over than before it started. But you will get there, at least. And I can guarantee at the least it will be much better than it is right now. Leagues better
/r/Divorce_Men16/07/24 01:48 AM
1

A lot of stuff here didn't sound like the best idea; but if you do get a VA loan for her, you'll be on the mortgage with her as well. It'll probably prevent you from getting a loan if you ever want a house for yourself. You'll have to be on the deed as well, which you would want to be if you're doing this idea. I generally recommend heavily against things like this that will keep you in contact with you ex and at their mercy; locking yourself into rentals while getting her a house to get fucked …
/r/Divorce_Men15/07/24 03:09 AM
2

Really are, crazy turnover in that field; there's a reason if you look up 'lawyer jobs' on job boards you'll always see a ton of Family Law lawyer positions available. Just a position full of churn. And as I was one of the 'churn' guys in my earlier years, I was salaried, so I REALLY didn't want to take on things like what OP is talking about. Guaranteed to not be worth the squeeze. It took me a while to learn to just not answer the phone and screen via Voice Mail; folks can't claim we had some …
/r/Divorce_Men14/07/24 06:43 PM
2

Yup, guys will rarely 'catch feelings' and try to get you leave your husband for them. They'd prefer you not leave them; get all the sex and none of the downside, the husband gets that plus extra due to her pushing her negative feelings of her actions onto him. I think it's much more rare to have it the other way, a woman who is fine always being a 'side chick' and never wants to be anything more than a booty call.
/r/Divorce_Men14/07/24 05:22 PM
1

This. I work in Real Estate, and while it used to be fairly common to buy a spouse out with a refinance, interest rates today make it not feasible. Even if the new rate won't be much different, taking out additional money is impossible as it just increases the payment so much. As a result, we see a lot more divorce sales than I did 3 years ago, where before I used to do a ton of divorce buy outs.
/r/Divorce_Men14/07/24 04:00 PM
2

Do you mean 50/50 isn't an acceptable arrangment? It's very possible to get that, but if you want primary custady, a lawyer would def need to be spoken too for how feasible tha is.
/r/Divorce_Men14/07/24 03:55 PM
1

Completely understood, my first date was over a year after she left, and it still felt weird and almost like cheating. It got better, and it's more than 3 years out now, and feels fine, but definitely when you've only been interested in one person for 10+ years, it can be hard for some folks to feel 'normal' right away with someone else
/r/Divorce_Men14/07/24 03:54 PM
7

I think that's a steep call. Pro Bono for family law matters isn't very common in general, but maybe as it looks like the divorce itself is done, and a modification is what needs to be filed, might be less onerous. But, it still would take a lot of time to do even that because the attorney would need to get up to speed on it. Maybe see if there are any free consultations, and they let him know if could scrap together an hours worth of time to at least be advised on how to file the paperwork? I d…
/r/Divorce_Men14/07/24 03:52 PM
1

I had a guy who did some work on house fleeing Child support and Alimony in CA, was taking cash jobs to get enough money to leave the country. So, I guess if you're willing to not be here in the US anymore, there are options.
/r/Divorce_Men14/07/24 03:47 PM
1

I guess the system is meant to reward the lower income spouse, which who won't really suffer a penalty if being abusive, so it kinda checks out. The high earner, if being abusive, will deserve what happens in the divorce, but sadly the system doesn't care about bad/good, just making both sides 'equal' as they leave
/r/Divorce_Men14/07/24 03:44 PM
1

Yup, with your level of assets here, an attorney is pretty much mandatory to develop of plan. Sooner the better, if it looks like she's getting ready to file; you'll want to plan for it as best you can.
/r/Divorce_Men14/07/24 03:43 PM
6

It'll just take time. There isn't a 'get well quick' scheme out there. Well, maybe a new GF, as most 'success' stories are from that, but it has some definite risks and for the standard divorce situation, would not recommend so soon. What you do is things to make you a better person; these won't make you feel better per se, but when time has done it's work, you'll be happy you spent the last 6 months or whatever getting yourself into a position to be happy again, rather than having spent 6 month…
/r/Divorce_Men14/07/24 03:41 PM
4

Haha, the gift thing. It wasn't my ex, but my first GF, and she also said she didn't want anything for Valentine's day our first year dating (as it was my bday), and I did what you did, didn't get a gift, but got flowers, her favorite sweet, card, and took her to a nice restaurant she really liked. All she cared about was I didn't get her a gift. Was a learning experience that served me well in my next relationships, haha
/r/Divorce_Men14/07/24 03:33 PM
1

Okay, you know, if you haven't logged on in 3 days, and you see a message when you log on? It probably means it was sent 3 days ago. Which, as you can see, my post says '4 days ago'. So, the last time I sent you a message was literally with moments of you sending me one, which was days ago. but here you are, harassing me, days later, after I responded days earlier to your harassments (which read what you wrote that I responded too 4 days ago, it's literally harassments) yet, as you already have,…
/r/Divorce_Men14/07/24 03:29 PM
2

This. She's been cheating, and she thinks she has a safe landing spot, and is moving to the next branch
/r/Divorce_Men14/07/24 02:57 AM
9

You probably shouldn't talk about her to folks anymore; for my bro's, after the first 'bro night' when I broke the news, it was pretty off topic. Even the most emphatic person didn't want to hear past the first month. That's what therapy is for, someone needs to paid to listen to this crap
/r/Divorce_Men14/07/24 12:36 AM
1

Perfectly normal. Was the same for me, she left and took almost 18 months to file. We hadn't spoken in over a year when she finally did file, so it's not like I had any hope at that point, but still stung when the sherriff showed up. Got better much faster than the sepeartion though, within 2 months, was better than before
/r/Divorce_Men13/07/24 05:55 PM
4

No, Alimony and Equitable Distribution tend not to have any impact on each other. All assets considered marital property are split, and whatever your jurisdiction alimony formula is followed, both to determine if qualified and how much. Typically, expect about 30-40% of your pay to go to alimony if her income is zero. But this is all if you let a judge decide; you can agree yourself on whatever you want too.
/r/Divorce_Men13/07/24 05:48 PM
1

Open Marriage is def 'I've already cheated, let me make this retroactively okay before I leave'
/r/Divorce_Men13/07/24 03:22 PM
1

57% of divorce men said their wife cheated on them. The difficulty I see men accepting it, I think it might be even higher. The detachment you're talking about? It's sexual interest in a new guy which jump starts that, so she feels morally okay returning the sexual interest the new guy put out to her.
/r/Divorce_Men13/07/24 03:21 PM
1

I think a lot more men are cheated on than know, or at least, acknowlege it. I see many posts here start with 'there was no cheating on either side' and then when they go into the details its 'sorry bro, she was totally cheating'
/r/Divorce_Men13/07/24 03:19 PM
3

I did the first year; it was a mistake and a waste of time
/r/Divorce_Men13/07/24 03:14 PM
2

Not really; why how she acted towards me could be described as 'narciccistic' it's really only towards me; she's perfectly fine towards anyone other than her family, And I've seen a similar behavior in how other men were treated, leading me to believe it's more something to do with moving on to another guy, rather than just being a narc in general
/r/Divorce_Men13/07/24 03:10 PM
2

Oh, once it happened, definitely. While I was still trying to work things out that first year, I can see in looking back, once she jumped on that first dick, it was all over, and I'm lucky she had someone else to take her in so I didn't, as I definitely would have those first few months.
/r/Divorce_Men11/07/24 12:03 AM
2

It's smart not to ask your kid, best to leave them out of this. My ex covered her tracks well, I only found out because her AP didn't care, as he was blasting it on his social media. Which he also continued to do when he was cheating on my ex as well, so at least he was consistent. And yeah, it's definitely one of the worst things in the world that can reasonably happen to a person
/r/Divorce_Men10/07/24 11:59 PM
1

Heh, similar here. Found out on Instagram as well, as her AP was being sloppy and posting stories of them together.
/r/Divorce_Men10/07/24 11:58 PM
3

I don't even know how many mine did; it was well past double digits before she found someone at work to move in with.
/r/Divorce_Men10/07/24 11:57 PM
1

Yup, mine happened on a trip without me as well. I didn't even have to wait for her to come back for the switch being flipped. It was 'I love you and I'll call you when we're done at the bar' to basically never talking to me again. When she did come back from overseas, she was home for one night, didn't say a word, then left.
/r/Divorce_Men10/07/24 11:56 PM
3

Yup, totally normal. I remember getting those pop ups at work during a closing, and would just get that sinking feeling. Total mood killer
/r/Divorce_Men10/07/24 11:54 PM
7

Time. It'll take time. In the meantime, focus on self care. Eating right, sleeping enough, grinding at your job, saving money, working out, staying away from substances. Eventually, time will scar it over, and you'll be happy you spent the last year (or two or however long it takes) making yourself better so you can actually go and take advantage of your hard work. But the above won't really make you forget or feel better. That'll just take time. Also, most success stories involve getting a new …
/r/Divorce_Men10/07/24 11:53 PM
2

It'll be what you agree on; the court what order a valuation of you can't agree, they'll just order it sold and split. Typically, you either get an appraisal (or two if you can't agree on one to use) and then subtract the remaining mortgage balance. Sometimes, you can go further and cut out 5-10% sale price for what you typically lose when selling a home, but again, no rules, just what you can agree on. And either way, unless you have lots of funds, this is a long shot, as you just can't feasibl…
/r/Divorce_Men10/07/24 11:52 PM
1

Yup, if you can find a woman willing to do a long term relationship without marriage, that's great. And if they aren't willing, that's probably telling you all you need to know at this stage of life. So it's also a good way to filter
/r/Divorce_Men10/07/24 11:49 PM
2

Hah, I hadn't heard that one before, but I can see it
/r/Divorce_Men10/07/24 12:01 PM
2

You actually don't get it, or anything. You spend your entire time telling people they can't speak, but claiming someone daring to countermand you is policing you. Telling people to shut up because you don't like what they say. Because you'd rather care for your own feelings than any one who is hurting. Over and over. And yet again, you think other people are arrogant. (and thinking varied vocabulary is a positive for law...well, that's wrong, but based on everything you've said before, explaini…
/r/Divorce_Men10/07/24 11:45 AM
2

Typically it's a flat fee for certain services, and with another new flat fees if scope of representation increases, or sometimes shifting to an hourly rate. So, you're right, he's not going to sit there and go to court because he quoted here $2500 or something. I'd imagine the clause has if its contested, there is a different pricing scheme that comes into play. Or, some attorney's don't do contested matters at all, even in Family law, and will basically tell her she needs to find a new attorne…
/r/Divorce_Men10/07/24 11:41 AM
1

I agree you're nonsense, but as the alternative I've seen is your advocating harm, please, keep up the nonsense.
/r/Divorce_Men10/07/24 11:39 AM
5

Eh? Did you think I was saying NPD is fake? I'm saying I saw every client claim her husband was something wrong with him (which, sure, sometimes was NPD) when clearly that was not the true every time. It really has nothing to do with NPD, BPD, or any other specific diagnosis found in the DSM. Obviously, the condition is real.
/r/Divorce_Men10/07/24 11:38 AM
1

Seriously, that's one thing I learned in the divorce is that furniture does not hold it's value at all. Worse than buying a car.
/r/Divorce_Men10/07/24 06:02 AM
1

This massive shift in interest rates has created a lot of difficulties in divorce. (noticed working in real estate these days). Before, re-financing to take one side off the loan was common, but these days, folks just have to sell the whole thing, as you just can't refinance effectively. (Like, for me, if I refinanced today, my payment would go up $1100. That's insane, and not even counting taking extra money out for a buyout)
/r/Divorce_Men10/07/24 05:59 AM
1

Sounds like my Uncle. He also married his highschool sweet heart. (It was his 5th marriage, her 2nd). They're divorced now, I think he lives in a trailer by the river, but he's got another GF somehow.
/r/Divorce_Men10/07/24 05:56 AM
3

Yup, I agree. Swearing off women isn't ideal, at least in the long term, but understanding reality means it won't be as painful next time. That said, I can't fault anyone for that first try. Being on guard and protecting yourself doesn't lead itself well to love, and it doesn't always end up this way; someone going all in for that 25% chance isn't the worst odds in the world.
/r/Divorce_Men10/07/24 05:53 AM
1

If it helps any, at the least there isn't really a ton of evidence to show if you didn't 'become a pushover' it would have changed much, at least from the studies and testimonials I've seen.
/r/Divorce_Men10/07/24 05:45 AM
1

I'm glad you have that outlet at least. I know, same for me, I know they don't care, but it's nice to at least once a month check in and talk with someone about it, so the rest of the month I don't have to worry about it. If I get a thought, just make a note for that next hour. And it's good of you not to dump; I'm sure as a good friend, they would listen, but it's really not what anyone wants to hear. Instead, I tried to just have fun with my friends; it makes them feel better to feel they're h…
/r/Divorce_Men10/07/24 05:43 AM
2

One reason I've always preferred flat fees; encourages me to get the job done as fast as possible, but I understand in family law it's not always possible.
/r/Divorce_Men10/07/24 05:42 AM
4

I found personal therapy just nice to have someone to talk too; I didn't really appreciate my therapist push to make me hate my ex wife (maybe she thought that would help me heal faster, I dunno) but at least being able to talk to someone was nice, as the last thing anyone wants to hear about IRL is your divorce.
/r/Divorce_Men10/07/24 05:41 AM
11

Man, 3.5 years of that. I'm glad you got through to the other side. I'm sure your kids will remember what you've done for them
/r/Divorce_Men10/07/24 05:35 AM
2

Yup, just have to let whatever she does roll off you as best you can. Focus on your kids, engage as little as possible, and just don't take it personally when she goes off. Which is going to be hard at the start, as hell, this is about as personal a thing that someone can do. But it'll reach a point you want care, just have to get there day by day.
/r/Divorce_Men10/07/24 05:34 AM
3

You literally ended this by telling me to shut up, (which is how you started) and think others are rude. But this to you, is respectfully? You have some warped thought processes there.
/r/Divorce_Men10/07/24 05:32 AM
4

Not engaging with someone is the greatest kindness you could do to anyone here, so everyone would appreciate that.
/r/Divorce_Men10/07/24 05:31 AM
1

We all were; but you have to be willing to be 'dumb' for it to work, really. Never trusting and keeping yourself protected is the safest way, of course, but if you wanted that connection and family life, no one can fault you for taking that risk. Maybe if you do it again though, haha. But nah, even then, I can't judge too harshly.
/r/Divorce_Men10/07/24 05:30 AM
3

I can understand that stance to a degree. My first job was doing grunt level family law, and I never once saw a wife say she was at fault in the divorce. But, obviously being my clients, I knew for a fact that yeah, it was their fault sometimes. On the flip side, I did have husbands admit it was their fault. Not all the time mind you, plenty of delusional dudes there too, but hey, sometimes they had self awareness. And heck, sometimes I'd even have to give them a reality check like 'man, you did…
/r/Divorce_Men10/07/24 05:27 AM
1

I sadly think it's past the point rational arguments will do much good for you, especially if she's telling you to grow a pair because you don't want to be angry in front of the kids. Not that I have a great solution otherwise, I know 'gray rocking' is talked about here often, but it has it's limitations, even if it's helpful.
/r/Divorce_Men10/07/24 05:24 AM
5

I don't think there is anything to be thankful about you, and the fact you even say that says a lot about you. That's very bizarre statement. And again, you've literally accused me of harming people, And you are literally telling people not to talk, because you don't like how they talk. I don't think I've seen someone quite so unaware before. You offer nothing but insults, yet believe you should be obeyed. Again, it's bizarre and lacks self-awareness. Which, maybe that is the root, and no intent…
/r/Divorce_Men10/07/24 05:22 AM
6

It is, and here you are attacking people. It is a safe place, but you don't want certain kinds of help, because you think it shines badly on people who aren't here and will never see the words. And now you get upset I don't agree with your attacking. Do you understand everything you said actually applies to you?
/r/Divorce_Men10/07/24 05:17 AM
3

Hmmm, partially maybe? Generally screaming in front of the children is going above and beyond, but it might stem from the same source. Sorry you're going through a rough one. It's not fun when it can't even be pretend civil in front of the kids
/r/Divorce_Men10/07/24 04:55 AM
1

This. As someone who was in the CJ system, it is so massively overloaded, when someone calls trying to bring perjury trials against their ex in some district court case that wasn't even recorded....it's best to just pretend you never got the call.
/r/Divorce_Men10/07/24 04:52 AM
1

That's a good understanding of the the state of things; this isn't really good or bad things, it's just...normal, and how life is. It can be helpful to understand nothing exceptional happened to any of us, well within normal parameters
/r/Divorce_Men10/07/24 04:49 AM
3

Well, we're all animals to a degree; sometimes our 'thinking' is really post act, to try to justify why whatever our instincts wanted to do made sense at the time.
/r/Divorce_Men10/07/24 04:47 AM
5

Harsh language can be necessary to shock some folks into really taking a look at what happened. Being stuck in the 'why did she change so suddenly' and 'I hope we can reconcile' is an incredibly damaging state of mind to be in, and the quicker one can move out of that, the sooner healing can start. Wanting people to stay in a bad mental state for your own sense of comfort is pretty awful And telling me not to speak, then asking who let me determine what I can say, as you are trying to tell me, a…
/r/Divorce_Men10/07/24 04:45 AM
4

He really is. And I bet all of us were at some point, too.. Don't downvote a dude for struggling, accepting the fact your wife cheated is very hard to accept. It's a reason to be here to wrap your head around, not try to be driven away.
/r/Divorce_Men10/07/24 04:44 AM
5

The fact you attack honesty in lieu of focusing your limited time and energy on actual bad acts, says bad things about your priorities.
/r/Divorce_Men10/07/24 04:42 AM
3

Based on your other comments, you care more about presentation than helping people. So, to be direct, keep it yourself unless you like harming others. Because that's exactly what you're doing. It's an awful thing to do, horrrible
/r/Divorce_Men10/07/24 04:41 AM
3

Essentially; your lawyers job on questioning is to show the judge her story is BS through effective cross examination.
/r/Divorce_Men10/07/24 04:39 AM
3

It 'helped' me in the sense it gave me someone to talk too, as past the first month, no one in my life wanted to hear another word about my divorce. Heck, for most of my friends, after we had our initial 'bro drinks out' that was it. Her advice itself wasn't very helpful, but it was an outlet at a time when that's really what I needed and wasn't getting anywhere else
/r/Divorce_Men10/07/24 01:25 AM
1

Tell me about it. Took me over a year to admit the truth.
/r/Divorce_Men10/07/24 01:21 AM
3

Because we do. Simps abound out the world I learned after my ex left once I started paying attention. So much thirst out there.
/r/Divorce_Men09/07/24 10:50 PM
10

And the dates are free, unlike how it is for men. When the only downside is tide too morality and only potential long term consequences, well, it's helps make it more clear
/r/Divorce_Men09/07/24 10:49 PM
11

Which is an important part; I imagine if cheating meant no equitable distribution, I imagine folks would be a lot more willing to question their horniness.
/r/Divorce_Men09/07/24 10:47 PM
3

It's whatever you and she will agree too. If it went to court, it would be liquidate and split, and typically, furniture is worse than a car at holding it's value.
/r/Divorce_Men09/07/24 10:45 PM
2

Based on my experience, unless you have some a level of proof that you simply will not have that the guy is dangerous nothing will be done. And even then, it's still low odds
/r/Divorce_Men09/07/24 10:45 PM
8

Typically not; most of this is done in a District Court (at least in my state) and no one cares about Perjury there. I did family law for 3 years, and was a prosecutor for 3 years. I can tell you as a Prosecutor, I just wouldn't return the calls when someone tried to bring a case for Perjury. No punishment, huge emotions, so much better things to do with my time than wade into that shit mess.
/r/Divorce_Men09/07/24 10:43 PM
23

Yup. And what's more, the other guy? He's the reason for the divorce. The wife doesn't decide to end the marriage, then find a guy. A guy gives her tingles, and that starts the process of her wanting to end the marriage. The guy though? It's something all guys do, we're all always putting some pressure out there to sleep with women; if by chance a lady gives a little under it, that's when they start pushing. It's important for guys to understand to move on. One of the endless men putting sexual …
/r/Divorce_Men09/07/24 10:40 PM
1

Yup, there's a reason the reddits of the world screech when you don't want to marry someone who has guy friends. They know it's true
/r/Divorce_Men09/07/24 10:33 PM
6

The stats show even one hoe phase basically makes one more likely to divorce than not. And women are all encouraged to have one.
/r/Divorce_Men09/07/24 10:26 PM
9

Yes; it all comes to down to dick. 'Finding myself' 'Empowerment' 'feeling young' 'self discovery' 'travel the world' all means lots of lots of dick.
/r/Divorce_Men09/07/24 10:25 PM
6

Yup, before I knew mine was banging every guy on Tinder, she tried to get me on it too, to make herself feel better about doing it
/r/Divorce_Men09/07/24 10:24 PM
10

This. I always say this as part of my spiel. The women do all this cheating in marriage? It's because men are constantly trying to sleep with them. All the time. Every man. Every time a man is talking to them (we do it here too!) that man has 'bang lady' running as a background process which causes them to try to keep subtle pushing that direction. And for their part, women are actually fairly good at resisting it. If you look at the cheating stats for gay men, it's off the chart, because that's…
/r/Divorce_Men09/07/24 10:22 PM
8

Yup, we've all gotten that 'I need space' which means 'I don't want to be bothered while I ride all this cock'
/r/Divorce_Men09/07/24 10:19 PM
8

Yes, I re-made a new account after 6 months away just because I see so many men struggling here with this concept. I'll make a bigger post, but it's Very Important to moving on to understand the reason your wife is leaving you is another man.
/r/Divorce_Men09/07/24 10:19 PM
1

Sadly, just living a similar situation, same as most of us here. As I always say, our wives aren't evil, or unique. They're just normal women, operating well with the normal behavior parameters.
/r/Divorce_Men09/07/24 10:17 PM
2

Oh, yeah. My school basically renamed itself due to complaints of what the founder did in the past. They got the real issues all figured out.
/r/Divorce_Men09/07/24 10:17 PM
7

Typically, if you're heading for divorce, it almost always means there is another man. The majority of time, it's already physical; the minority of the time, she's trying to get space to make it physical.. It's the other man that causes the issues in the first place; getting tingles from another man means she has to start lowering her opinion of you, both due to how attraction works, and also to make her feel it's the 'right' thing to do.
/r/Divorce_Men09/07/24 05:10 AM
14

I had a law professor who kept sleeping with his students, and eventually, the school couldn't just cover it up any more and had to ask him to leave. He just went to another law school and got a raise.
/r/Divorce_Men09/07/24 04:57 AM
19

Yup, it's well known the medical field is like the bar/restaurant field; pretty much every single women there will sleep with a much smaller group of men. Get all their tingles and drama at the same time, so they love it.
/r/Divorce_Men09/07/24 04:56 AM
1

I mean, I would hope a marriage held him back from sleeping with models, haha. Unless you mean making bank; sometimes marriage can get in the way of career, but it definitely makes it hard to keep the cash you do bring in.
/r/Divorce_Men08/07/24 03:46 AM
4

We used to go drive an hour to get her sushi take out, (we lived in a small beach town for a few years) and I get a steak biscuit and some fries from Bojangles on the way back as I couldn't afford for us both to have a $50 dinner. I still haven't bought a new suit since 2019, but was able to finally take my old ones to the tailors so I don't have holes in them, haha. (Attorney, so have to wear the monkey suits every day)
/r/Divorce_Men08/07/24 03:45 AM
1

Hmm, yeah, you would have to be in person for trial; I'm not sure if it's feasible to get a date set and take a week off work to be in state to handle it, especially as trials love to get continued a good one or two times, meaning it could take a lot of PTO to pull it off.
/r/Divorce_Men08/07/24 03:43 AM
1

Nope. It'll be pretty irrelevant for the court. Maybe the court of public opinion, but even then, nah. It typically is, unless they know you very personally, what she says is the story will be the reality
/r/Divorce_Men07/07/24 10:04 PM
2

Haha, yeah, I had to make an instagram, as well. I posted something every week for about 6 months, just to have a 'base line' so women could see I have friends, hobbies, a house, etc, but haven't posted anything in almost two years, and just use it for messaging now.
/r/Divorce_Men07/07/24 10:00 PM
2

Oof, yeah, I can see that. Something of a sunk cost fallacy, if so much has been spent on mediation, it feel like a 'waste' to just toss it all out and go do a trial that could've been done from the start. But, sometimes the band aid has to be ripped off
/r/Divorce_Men07/07/24 09:41 PM
2

Well, I'd say go for it, haha. I wish I had, I think a lot about how this past two years I'd have been in Japan, and it probably would have done me better than staying here and trying to keep my life together. But when it came time to sign, I saw my house down in value, and panicked about giving up my career at 35 to start a job for 25 year olds. Not that things went horrible here, managed to get a good job, able to keep house, have retirement etc set up, but still feels like I'm not much furthe…
/r/Divorce_Men07/07/24 09:11 PM
3

That's the danger of dating the trainwrecks, haha. Sometimes we're not thinking clearly and get in over our heads, even though we know going in its 'not going to be serious' haha
/r/Divorce_Men07/07/24 09:09 PM
5

I too had to rebuild the social circle. Realized after the divorce, that over our 10 years together, the last year together I hadn't even seen any of my friends.
/r/Divorce_Men07/07/24 09:08 PM
7

I think all of those apply to me as well. Account at zero every month, had to stay up late with her, house was a mess I had to clean constantly, had to do all the laundry, but each in it's own load rather than just one big load, never could put aside money for next month, so if something was more expensive than my leftover paycheck, it went on credit. Having to put work on the backburner to make sure I was home and available. That said, I guess none of that (except the no budget thing) bothered …
/r/Divorce_Men07/07/24 09:07 PM
3

Man, I almost did that. Went to OCS after school, but at the end of it, turned down the commission. That was over two years ago now. I think about that a lot, haha.
/r/Divorce_Men07/07/24 09:05 PM
1

I mean, she doesn't half to pay, sorta like she doesn't have to pay if she's on the mortgage. She shares the consequences you do if you don't pay, ie losing the house, credit damage, etc, but she might not care about that. It's not wrong to ask; as you say, when you sell the house, if it's gone up, that's more money for her. But legally, she doesn't have to pay you for it. Ideally, if the divorce was finalized, this was in the agreement or judgement or something already
/r/Divorce_Men07/07/24 09:04 PM
12

Hmm, mistakes....well, if it's really amicable, these might not apply as such but: Don't help her or give anything to her more than you legally have too; at this point, she's not your wife, and not for you sacrifice for anymore. Stay away from substances; won't help long term, and it's a delicate emotional situation. I'd say avoid a new woman for a bit. I'd say it's fine to do so if you keep it strictly physical and fun only, but I know how it goes, once you start getting laid, your wrong head m…
/r/Divorce_Men07/07/24 08:58 PM
4

Is there a reason it's not going to be trial yet? Trials typically force the issue, and the courts tend to be 'fair' or at least, more fair than what you get from contested mediation.
/r/Divorce_Men07/07/24 08:40 PM
6

Yup, mine cost us maybe $2500 between us; she got the short term assets, I got the home and the debt. Worked out, while I basically had nothing at the start out of the deal, I've now had the home increase in equity more than the cash she got, and she got money quickly so she could start her new life. About 10 weeks after she left, we didn't have to say a word to each other ever again
/r/Divorce_Men07/07/24 06:38 PM
1

I'm glad to hear your doing better. Just keep at it, and in a few months you can look back at this month and realize how much better you've been getting day after day. Time is really what it takes. Sadly, we have to take it one day at a time. On topic, I'd agree, without knowing the situation, I'd default to trying to work it out, but it's hard to say without knowing someone's life exactly what they should do with a decision like that. It's easy to tell someone what to do after they get divorced…
/r/Divorce_Men07/07/24 05:56 PM
2

There are those memes about empty apts other than a chair, a tv on the floor, and a ps5, saying 'this is how single men live'. Which, while an exaggeration, it does have some truth that it really doesn't take much for a single man to be content. Most acquisitions beyond the above are because you know you can't have a woman in such an environment for long, and most men do what to be with women.
/r/Divorce_Men07/07/24 05:28 PM
2

Are incomes about the same? If so, Alimony is off the table which is a big court time waster. Otherwise, 'legally' anything obtained during the marriage would need to be split. If you both have your own money, does she have more? If so, can maybe sign a standard separation agreement very quickly saying you'll both go your own ways. Also state dependent, some states will go faster or slower than others
/r/Divorce_Men07/07/24 05:20 PM
2

No, I'm saying when a women does what are wives did here, this is why they likely did it. You're the one saying you literally can't say anything about anyone unless it applies to every single person. Your stance is unless something applies to literally every single person, we can't talk about it. Which is nothing, so by your logic, we can't talk about anything. Except it doesn't apply to you, as if anything you think is possible, it means you're right, even if it's wrong for almost every other s…
/r/Divorce_Men07/07/24 05:12 PM
1

This. It's always a new guy; the new guy is why she lost attraction in the first place. It's a quality vs. quantity mating patterns were ingrained with.
/r/Divorce_Men07/07/24 04:49 PM
2

I also at the start got the 'I still love you like family' type crap. The conversation also stopped when I pointed our her actions didn't match her words.
/r/Divorce_Men07/07/24 04:43 PM
11

Now that you mention it, I went to bed after her, woke up before her, and she'd take a nap in the middle of the day. I know women need more sleep than men, but it was a bit excessive. I was the same, usually about 5 hours. (Typically 1:30AM to 6:30aM)
/r/Divorce_Men07/07/24 04:36 PM
2

My ex hadn't seen her home nation friends in over 10 years when she went on a trip there before we'd started a family. It took two weeks hanging out with them before she went out with them on a girls night to cheat, and all I heard was 'my friends say this' 'none of my friends would do x' It's like cheering your bro to chug a keg, but instead is cheering for them to do evil and ruin lives.
/r/Divorce_Men07/07/24 04:35 PM
5

The problems will magnify each other, I've found. Something that by itself wouldn't be so bad seems worse as you have less of yourself to dedicate to i. Like, you know something minor like knocking your drink over generally is 'ah well' but if it's a really awful day, you're under a ton of pressure at work, you have zero time, home is bad, etc? It might really seem like a bigger issue than what it is. You're in a 1000x situation like that right now. But you're handling it right, you focus on mak…
/r/Divorce_Men07/07/24 04:32 PM
1

Well, you say it might not help people to talk about these things, as maybe not all women? It might help people as well to talk about them. You don't know. What you are doing is attacking folks trying to help people, for the defense of people who aren't even here. It's not a good thing to do. You're way isn't the only way, which you admit is the foundation of your philosophy. So let them be helped; it might help. But, I don't know how I 'mistook' you saying you'd stab if we met in person yesterd…
/r/Divorce_Men07/07/24 04:17 PM
7

I do remember the first time my ex went on a 3 day trip with her mother, how I woke up on a Saturday, hit all the stores for shopping (mostly for things she wanted), was home by 10am, cleaned the house, and by Noon everything was done. I'd be up at Sunday night still getting chores done up to that point, and really shows how the process didn't need to be so difficult.
/r/Divorce_Men07/07/24 04:15 PM
6

Yup, definitely the best part is getting debt free and saving money. I make roughly the same now each paycheck as I did pre divorce (make more gross, but more taxes due to single), but before it was down to zero every month, and now, I have about 1800-2000 left over each month (gas, utilities, etc fluctuate a bit month to month, so I just assume I have 1800 left each month). I've been trying to build that emergency fund right now, get 6 months of pre-left over' into a HYSA (so about 30k) in case…
/r/Divorce_Men07/07/24 04:11 PM
1

you literally said you'd stab me if we met before after you couldn't come up with a rational argument. You deleted the comment, but based on your post history, it's a common thing you say. You're an unstable individual attacking everyone who doesn't agree with you. edit; Which makes your entire post a joke, where you threaten violence because someone disagrees with you. Hell, even in your own thread about this, you're talking about people getting hit over words. What the hell kind of violent per…
/r/Divorce_Men07/07/24 03:52 PM
1

You're confusing possibility and probability; it makes any discussion worthwhile if you don't like something that is common and say 'not every time!' as, well, that reasoning applies to literally anything you say. So if you want to follow your own advice, you wouldn't take, as hey, it also may be true, which is just as valid under your reasoning. And of course your ex won't know; for this sort of thing, the worst sort of information is themselves. -edit on this note, I did Capital Defense for on…
/r/Divorce_Men07/07/24 03:50 PM
22

Have a budget. I always wanted to have a budget while married, but whenever I tried brining it up with my ex she'd have a mental health episode. Now, I have a spreadsheet, I minimize costs, and know exactly how much I'll each month to 'spend' on things beyond the day to day. Helps plan purchases, increase savings, have goals, etc. Before, it was just the account got spent down to zero every single month, and I'd have to juggle various cards and accounts to get through the last week each month.
/r/Divorce_Men07/07/24 03:08 PM
2

That a lot of guys have no clue what happened when their wives leave. Explaining to them what happened, why she did, and how she came to that decision is helpful for moving on. A quick run down: 'She found a new dick, that's why she left' 'Once she's had a new dick, she's 100% done with you' 'She got so cold because she has to convince herself destroying her family was worth that new dick' 'if she's bad to you, it re-enforces her decision. As she lets other guys fuck her, it makes her more certa…
/r/Divorce_Men07/07/24 03:01 PM
1

Yup, it's another man is the reason for leaving, and if a wife ever wants to come back after that, it's just because she wasn't able to secure a similar lifestyle once the initial fun rush wore off. If a husband takes her back, the interest in other men won't stop, she just won't be so quick to rush off the second time until she's sure it's secured.
/r/Divorce_Men07/07/24 02:54 PM
7

Yeah, typically, an 'amicable' divorce means one where the husband accepted less than he was legally owed.
/r/Divorce_Men07/07/24 02:23 PM
1

That, and many men here have no clue what exactly happened, she just changed one day and left. Explaining why she did what she did, that you didn't do anything wrong, how she will act going forward, and what she did wasn't 'evil' but just very normal behavior is helpful. Attacking people who are being told truths that are helpful to their situation is a POS move, especially for the benefit of people not even here and won't likely show the return. There's a word for that behavior
/r/Divorce_Men07/07/24 02:16 PM
1

I'd agree; a good/bad thing about human nature is we get better at anything we've done before, and more likely to do it again. Even if that's divorce.
/r/Divorce_Men07/07/24 08:44 AM
5

How long has it been? If it's still under 2, heck maybe even 3 years, still bothering you is 100% normal, even if your logical brain knows it's for the best
/r/Divorce_Men07/07/24 08:40 AM
1

Pretty much what mine did; changed her name on social media before I even knew she was having an affair. Never legally changed it, because we did a 'full' name change for her, not just taking my name after marriage, so it involves a somewhat annoying court process to undo. She'll probably just wait until she marries her new guy and take his name.
/r/Divorce_Men07/07/24 08:34 AM
2

Depends on what state you're in; I'm in NC, so for example, you would find somewhere else to live, and move in there. After a year of not living together, you file for divorce, serve the papers on her, she gets 30 days to respond, if she doesn't respond, you go to court and the clerk will divorce you. That's about the 'easiest' way to do things if neither side wants to anything from the other. But I assume you have something together, as most marriages would take a little more than the above.
/r/Divorce_Men07/07/24 08:30 AM
2

Oof, you got the big prize there. I didn't get the 'worst ever' from my therapist, but it was the worst she had in years, is what she told me.
/r/Divorce_Men07/07/24 08:19 AM
5

You'll want to reach out to the court, at the least, as even if in your county it does fall off automatically....that doesn't mean the clerks will follow the steps. From my time in the state court system, it's definitely a squeeky wheel gets the oil situation.
/r/Divorce_Men07/07/24 08:13 AM
2

I 100% understand the heavy hit it is seeing her signature on the papers when you finally get it. Even with all the fucking around they do, some part of us still has a hard time believing this is real, that the wife who loved us would do this. Luckily doesn't last as long as the first hit when they left originally.
/r/Divorce_Men07/07/24 05:07 AM
1

Wow, that's very generous. My ex wouldn't even tell me what she did with it, or if she even still had it.
/r/Divorce_Men07/07/24 03:00 AM
1

Nah, 35 is fine for men; age still hits us the same as women, but we're a good 5 years behind it usually (outside of daddy issue indulgers). Do want to work on it though, there is a big tone shift at 40 where you will be 'old' for women in late 20's, which is about the area you'd want to date in.
/r/Divorce_Men06/07/24 08:37 PM
0

That's a situation many find themselves in for the 35-40+ dating scene.
/r/Divorce_Men06/07/24 07:56 PM
4

Haha, you just, but that's literally what she called it. Somehow, for women, 'healing' 'finding themselves' 'independence' 'seeing the world', it all amounts to 'lots of new dick'.
/r/Divorce_Men06/07/24 07:28 PM
1

Damn, good return on the ring. I paid 10k for my exes, but I doubt she could even get 3k for it. Not that I know what she did with it; she wouldn't even tell me if she still had it
/r/Divorce_Men06/07/24 05:45 PM
10

Time, mostly. The first year I was a simping mess, thinking this couldn't be real, she'd wake up eventually, and realize the wonderful life we had. (I didn't know at this point she was sleeping with everyone she could, and thought she was 'safe' as her AP was overseas currently fucking other women). 2nd year, I was just depressed, really. Knew the marriage was over, but I had poured my whole identity into our 'family' and being left with literally nothing (she drained bank account, retirement we…
/r/Divorce_Men06/07/24 05:42 PM
11

I hear ya, same. 10 years together, ended overnight, and the only 'reason' I got was 'you made your whole life about me, and that made me feel pressured' so I guess two years of whoring around was necessary to 'relieve' that pressure.
/r/Divorce_Men06/07/24 05:00 PM
2

Yeah, my best friend's wife cheated and left, and they agreed on one week alternating, and it seemed to work. He lived with me for a few months, so I 'saw it first hand' so to speak. Sunday afternoon parent with kid would go drop kid off at other parent's place. and that was pretty much it. Of course, my house is a 2500 sqft home in a country club my ex and I got to start a family in, so it was perfect to have him bring his two kids over for, and I also helped out. If one parent is living in a s…
/r/Divorce_Men06/07/24 04:57 PM
8

There's a reason women lie about their sexual past. They also lie about their sexual present.
/r/Divorce_Men06/07/24 04:51 PM
4

Yup, my dating has been very minor due to the cash crunch divorce put me in. It's only the past few months I've had anything resembling 'spare cash' and as the divorce 100% cleaned up my retirement, I kinda want to start building that back up so I don't have to be my dad, and be 74 and still working. It's not that dating is insanely expensive, but a few hundred a week is more than I got right now in 'funny money'. (Up to about 2k a month left over, when for two years I was at about $300; while I…
/r/Divorce_Men06/07/24 04:44 PM
6

Yeah, that's another dude. Being 'generous' from what I can gather from stats, about a quarter of women who marry will end up doing that.
/r/Divorce_Men06/07/24 04:35 PM
0

That's the 'best' way, but literally every 'success' story here involves fucking other women. Putting head in the sand to act like it doesn't 'help' getting over someone you're still simping for even as they are literally whoring on you
/r/Divorce_Men06/07/24 04:32 PM
1

It's normal, it takes time. Fucking other women helps; it's the reason she left in the first place, was fucking other dudes. It doesn't have quite the same effect on men as it does on women, but it has about half the effect.
/r/Divorce_Men06/07/24 04:28 PM
2

My ex liked to joke when I bought her brand name purses it was an 'investment' as they would go up in value. She was right, actually. They did go up; not as much as just putting it into a HYSA account would, but they did go up in value.
/r/Divorce_Men06/07/24 04:13 PM
6

Nah, no need. We didn't have kids, so she was able to find a new guy at her part time job (which she quit after he took her in) to take care of her. she's living basically a 'target' brand version of the life she said she hated, but I guess it's good enough for her now once she got about 18 months of sleeping around the world out of her system.
/r/Divorce_Men06/07/24 03:51 PM
1

You probably should end the hanging out.
/r/Divorce_Men06/07/24 03:50 PM
2

Yup, you can argue jewelry bought during the marriage is marital property, unless there is something in writing making it clear it was meant to be a gift solely for her.
/r/Divorce_Men06/07/24 03:49 PM
3

Yup, the inability to admit they made a mistake drives a lot of actions; even the getting run through by a ton of guys is for that reason, as it goes like this in their head 'I let all these guys do things to me I never let my husband do; the only reason I would do that if he really was as bad as I think, so I was right to leave him'. Yes, I know that makes no sense, but that's how their brains are working post affair. Not to say my ex is doing awful or anything. She just divorced because she sa…
/r/Divorce_Men06/07/24 02:14 PM
10

It could have been worse, but as it was, with 10 weeks, it was all settled and we never spoke to each other again. Well, we spoke once a year after that point when she called me out to serve with the papers, I guess, but we had already divided all that property at that point, just had to make it official.
/r/Divorce_Men06/07/24 02:09 PM
2

Yup, it's been usually the first 6-24 months from my personal experience and speaking with others.
/r/Divorce_Men06/07/24 02:08 PM
1

Eh, it's fine to be him, unless he's marrying her, which happens less than 10% to that quarter. They just use the dumb ex wife for easy sex while she thinks she so special and awesome cause a man is sticking a dick in her. (Yes, they really think that incorrectly on the situation). Once it stops being easy sex, they're out.
/r/Divorce_Men06/07/24 02:08 PM
4

Nothing you can do. Separate property isn't split in equitable distribution, and personal assets owned prior to marriage don't have any real way to convert to marital property. The ring was given to her pre marriage, so it's hers. It is a conditional gift on actually getting married, so you could get it back if she was the one to call the wedding off, but as soon as 'i do' was said, condition is met. On the 'bright' side, the typical ring is 5-10x marked up in price, so they're usually not worth…
/r/Divorce_Men06/07/24 02:05 PM
16

She did. For probably the most common reason, wanted 'space' to fuck a new guy. Also tried to speed run the divorce to get back overseas to be with him, but he couldn't even make it three weeks before he was fucking a new woman. Will say it was a total blindside; was happy and loving literally minutes before she walked into the bar on a girls night out overseas, then basically never talked to me again after fucking a rando there.
/r/Divorce_Men06/07/24 02:03 PM
6

One thing I've learned from my ex and paying more attention to this in my life, is dear god, are there infinite simps out there. I mean, it's not surprising. We're on reddit, the majority of this web site is simps, and we even have them bleed over here into this sub frequently. But these pathetic men, I dislike them more than the women who cheat and leave at this point.
/r/Divorce_Men06/07/24 02:14 AM
2

No, attraction is mandatory. You need more than being attracted, but there first has to be attraction. If that's not that, you just stop there. It goes for women as well, but well, we see the results of when they decide other matters will be 'okay' in the short term
/r/Divorce_Men06/07/24 02:11 AM
1

Yup, women literally have a term for 'ick' for saying a man is undatable for literally any reason. If a man wants to have something about a woman that's an 'ick' for him, well, that's sexism and he's an incel.
/r/Divorce_Men06/07/24 02:10 AM
6

Yes, letting go of your ex and not caring is important to moving on. Men need to admit she cheated, admit that means the marriage is 100% done, then stop thinking about her
/r/Divorce_Men06/07/24 02:08 AM
1

For example, don't get inheritance from your mom who died of cancer, then two months later put it into a house and put your wife's name on the deed, then two months later she sleeps with a random at a bar and never come home. I know a dude who can tell you that was a bad idea.
/r/Divorce_Men06/07/24 02:07 AM
8

Yup, not taking the last name I've noticed in all my social circle it tracks with difficult wives or divorces.
/r/Divorce_Men06/07/24 02:05 AM
4

Hmm, my ex kept my name, but only because we did a full name change, first name included. Otherwise, she would have gone back. On social media, she uses a made up last name right now, but I imagine once she marries her new dude, she'll take his name to get rid of mine.
/r/Divorce_Men06/07/24 02:05 AM
5

Man, you hit it on the head with that last line. Three years out, my ex got dumped within weeks by the AP, pump and dumped by the tinder and gym bros, spent 50k doing a world dick tour, then settled for some IT guy whose fat, bald, and 6 years older than me and makes less. If you hear her talk about it, she's living her dream now, as the alternative would admit she made a huge mistake, and she can't handle that. Same reason she hasn't spoken to her mom in 3 years; she would likely kill herself i…
/r/Divorce_Men06/07/24 02:04 AM
3

I'm 37, and haven't dated since 25 with my ex. I've been out with 9 women in the 3 years since my divorce. Two were realtors we shared a client, two were friends of my friends, and 5 were OLD. The OLD were all a mess, complete waste of time. The two who were friends of friends were good times, but were mid 20's, and well, they weren't interested in just one man, and I didn't want to be part of a 'rotation' or keep a 'rotation'. For the two realtors, one was a mess, but the other was really great…
/r/Divorce_Men06/07/24 02:01 AM
4

A new dick is what flips that switch. It's what roughly a quarter of women who say 'i do' actually do.
/r/Divorce_Men06/07/24 01:58 AM
29

I would say I felt unconditionally loved by my ex the first two years or so of our relationship. Like, way too much loved, for what I did. But then I've noticed a degree of that in all of my relationships, with them being really affectionate, appreciative, and sexual early on, and it starts to fade away into entitlement. edit: And just in case any simps want to say 'oh, you stopped being romantic' I mean like, taking my weekend to get her car to the shop while she's working when we first start d…
/r/Divorce_Men06/07/24 01:57 AM
1

I've just never noticed Karma, or consequences, or really any of that in my life. Most folks know who they can piss off, and who they can't, and just aren't horrible to those that can harm them. As long as they avoid that, pretty smooth sailing for being a right old bastard
/r/Divorce_Men06/07/24 01:53 AM
1

Well, you can always leave, but I'm sure you're aware of the financial hit. Also aware it might always be your choice to make, so sometimes it's best to make it on your terms.
/r/Divorce_Men06/07/24 01:52 AM
1

I wish I knew less about my exes affair. It's enough to know it happened, but the pictures, I still have nightmares every now and then. Trust me, you don't need to know more.
/r/Divorce_Men06/07/24 01:51 AM
1

Well, the judge doesn't care.
/r/Divorce_Men06/07/24 01:50 AM
1

Yup, it's hard to see, but really, I blame myself for letting my wife go on a two month trip by herself. She even said 'she was scared to be away from me so long' and that her aunt who should would be saying said it's not right for a wife to travel that long without her husband. I told her she'd be fine, and I'd be out there 3rd month with her, and then we'd come home and start that family we'd talked about for almost a decade. Like you said, we just don't believe our spouse can have that potent…
/r/Divorce_Men06/07/24 01:50 AM
1

I think maybe 9 states care about adultery at all in divorce, and it's only for Alimony purposes. It's also hard to prove, and you would require going to court to do so, so it's expensive. You likely don't need to know, and honestly, it's probably best you don't know the details. It's enough to know she's cheating (and she is) and act appropriately.
/r/Divorce_Men05/07/24 06:33 AM
2

Running a bar does seem do it for the ladies, I've known three bar owners who married girls fresh out of college 20+ years younger. I know two of them are divorced now though.
/r/Divorce_Men05/07/24 06:10 AM
1

It's not a reason, unless you can convince her of that. Might not want to lead with 'fuck her' though.
/r/Divorce_Men05/07/24 06:06 AM
1

It does seem to need to be highschool; I guess even if that first love comes in the mid 20's, it doesn't leave quite the impression. As for me, I guess I didn't love my HS gf enough; cheated on me with multiple men, and I broke up with her a week before prom (we were apt shopping for college to live together at the time still). Lost track of her entirely after college, and even after my divorced, didn't even bother to look her up. Honestly didn't even really think of her until right now, haha.
/r/Divorce_Men05/07/24 06:06 AM
2

It's good if you want children. The tax benefits are def not worth it, haha. Being married will cost you more than you'll save. I think I saved 6k on taxes being married, and it definitely cost more than 6k a year on stuff for the ex.
/r/Divorce_Men05/07/24 04:56 AM
1

Marriage that long, definitely alimony is on the table. Child support as well, and I'd ask about custody, how that would work, what kind of place do I need to get, etc. Ask him about the assets. Typically, even if she placed them in trusts, it's still marital property unless it's irrevocable, which most trusts aren't. Talk about retirement, pensions, 401k, all of those you have a right too. But don't feel as if no income and mental health means you deserve anything less than half of what was acq…
/r/Divorce_Men05/07/24 04:53 AM
4

I get it, this is a place for support, so it's not the place to talk about....but sometimes men where are stuck in 'simp' mode, and really need a dose of reality to let go. The issue is the other simps who dogpile when you try to shake one loose whose posting a really cringe story. And it's fine to not want to trust again; we all here gave it a shot and gave ourselves fully, and were burned by women who weren't evil ,just being women. It happens, and the rewards were worth the risk
/r/Divorce_Men05/07/24 04:05 AM
1

Apt day for this message, haha
/r/Divorce_Men05/07/24 02:57 AM
3

I think it's very common, sadly. Blood is thicker than water, as they say, and no matter what she did or you did, she's their blood, and they will take her side, which usually means cutting you out. I'm sure my MIL would have done the same to me, but she told my ex that she was being stupid when she left, and my ex can not handle any criticism on the subject, so she hasn't spoken to her mother in 3 years. I still have dinner every month or two with my MIL, as we always got along well, but I feel…
/r/Divorce_Men05/07/24 02:55 AM
3

I can agree with that. I ignored my ex wife's 'wild past' like a good little boy, as society (and the simps here) tell us to do. It burned me very bad when she had another 'wild relapse' 9 years later. Which, after about a year of that, she's back in 'settled down' mode. But, past behavior is the best predictor, and someone who's had a 'wild stage' is massively more likely to cheat than someone who never did. Down side to not wanting to be with women whose had a wild stage? I'm not sure you can …
/r/Divorce_Men05/07/24 02:47 AM
3

Yes, I've noticed that as well. When women are with a new man, they get that 'New Dick Energy' and will be affectionate, appreciative, and very sexual. The 'why' this is the case is up for discussion, but the reality of can't be ignored. That will eventually wear off, and then the push for 'milestones' will come, living together, engagement, marriage, kids. Men acquiesce to these thinking it will bring back their 'old' GF, but nothing changed with her, it's just natural biology, so there is no '…
/r/Divorce_Men05/07/24 01:59 AM
2

Harsh, but true.
/r/Divorce_Men05/07/24 01:47 AM
1

For better or worse, the reality is, if you want to be with a woman long term, it's going to require a melding of lives, and they'll will be a push to marriage after moving in. You're unlikely to find something otherwise, but might be able to find a FWB type situation, but even those I've seen in my personal experience break down. Which is fine! You can be perfectly happy on your own, with short term relationships. It gets a bit harder the older you get, of course.
/r/Divorce_Men05/07/24 01:43 AM
2

Yup, honestly, if you're not wanting to have a family, the cost of sleeping around is minimal. But if you do want a family, the studies and stats all show the damage it does. (It affects men as well, at about half the rate, but men tend to need a min number to even get into the game, so to speak).
/r/Divorce_Men05/07/24 12:36 AM
3

Yup, the studies show it happens to a significant degree in 76% of marriages, regardless of the husbands attributes.
/r/Divorce_Men05/07/24 12:19 AM
4

It's like a lot of things in life; you have to express the idea without mentioning trigger words, as folks will agree with the principals, but will react emotionally if they hear a trigger word. It's sorta like asking college students about policies, and if they are told the policies are from 'their guy' they like them, even if the policies come from the guy the think is 'hitler/stalin' depending on political prefereance. Basically, humans are very stupid.
/r/Divorce_Men05/07/24 12:16 AM
1

Spending 60 bucks a day at starbucks? That's crazy, haha. My ex blew 22k in 10 weeks having an affair (she was staying with relavtives, so she had food and housing covered) and I thought that was crazy.
/r/Divorce_Men04/07/24 11:52 PM
1

I've found something as simple as keeping a 'bar' at the home an knowing how to mix drinks being found irrationally impressive for how little effort it took.
/r/Divorce_Men04/07/24 11:49 PM
1

From my time in the DB sub, a DB usually means cheating.
/r/Divorce_Men04/07/24 11:03 PM
3

First 'loves' leave an impression. I have heard your tale numerous times, of people getting back with their exes in their mid 30's to mid 40's. I've known two women, my moms friend and my best friends ex wife's mom, who went and spent 6-12 months with their ex before coming back to their husbands later. I hear the term 'oneitis' used here, and I think it's an issue for a lot of us here; we treated our ex as 'the one' while to her, we were always just 'someone'.
/r/Divorce_Men04/07/24 10:56 PM
2

I would speak to your attorney on that; my state is a year and a day, but the court doesn't really question it if neither party objects, so sometimes folks will put a 'separation' date that is actually earlier than the actual day, just to speed things up.
/r/Divorce_Men04/07/24 10:53 PM
1

It helps folks think they made the 'right' decision, as if they made the 'wrong' one, clearly they wouldn't have to act like this. Its similar for why they sleep with so many folks after leaving. It's doubling down on a questionable decision to re-enforce it to themselves.
/r/Divorce_Men04/07/24 10:37 PM
3

Agreed. And for all the simps going 'muh all women' here, this is about women, on dating apps, above 40. Which is probably a single digit % of the women out there. And a very self selecting group, who will likely share many traits.
/r/Divorce_Men04/07/24 10:18 PM
2

Yeah, it really does.
/r/Divorce_Men04/07/24 10:08 PM
2

Hmm, I'd say both are issues? I think marriage having serious flaws and the awful dating pool aren't directly related? I agree with everything you said though. Though I guess the 'ease' of divorce does shunt more people with baggage into the 40+ dating pool, making something already murky hard to see through Especially the last one, I've noticed far too much a sort of 'competition' mindset amongst my friends wives (and even my own at a point where she wasn't my wife) where there is resentment fo…
/r/Divorce_Men04/07/24 10:02 PM
0

Well, I'm disappointed by folks who get emotional at the truth and try to police it because it makes them uncomfortable. You've had a positive experience with a woman. Many here have had just awful experiences. the latter is shouted down by society. You emotionally can't place your experience above theirs. Rationally? Clearly not a discussion wanted to be having. Coming here and doing the same, as you said, is about a pretty awful stance to take. Haha, wow, you're pathetic. And an awful person. …
/r/Divorce_Men04/07/24 09:54 PM
0

Well, folks in life really hate to accept that sometimes things are just worse, there was no silver lining.
/r/Divorce_Men04/07/24 09:44 PM
3

Oh yes, I despise the 'both sides are bad' crowd, especially the fools we have here. Such simping got them here, and doubling down won't help them, but they just can't help themselves. Self improvement, like you said, is the only solution. It has it's shortcomings, but there isn't a better solution. I also had bad therapists. Only tried two, but similar experience. The 'best' one was all about hating my ex, when just ignoring her was much healthier. I'm not shocked both of them were divorced the…
/r/Divorce_Men04/07/24 09:25 PM
6

I can see that. The 'best' woman I've been with post divorce, I had to call it off after a few months when she started wanting to push for the living together and marriage life. Which, I get she was 30 (I was 36) and her clock was ticking, but it was pretty PTSD triggering for me, so I ended up calling it off. She moved onto another guy very quickly, so I feel I made the right move. Let me know I wasn't 'the one' but just 'someone' and that's what she was looking for. Pretty easy for 'someone' s…
/r/Divorce_Men04/07/24 09:21 PM
4

You hit it on the head. Women own more homes than men, and it's because of divorce. Especially with how homes are so crazy now, with more than double the interest rates, but still prices going up, someone who didn't get a house pre mid 2022 is at a huge disadvantage in life right now. At least renting can be okay at times; many landlords have a house on a 3% interest rate and are charging about 3/5 the rate to rent a home that a 20% down payment is at today. *Edit, just did some math. I got my h…
/r/Divorce_Men04/07/24 09:17 PM
4

I'd agree with your last line, and why it's so riciculous when (even here) goes guy go 'you don't need the govt involved lol'. Realistically, everyone women is going to want commitment from you. It's just the next step once the New Dick Energy wears off. It's perfectly reasonable for you not to want to go to that next step, as well here all know how that can turn out half the time. Just have to also understand it means you'll be swapping GF's every 1-2 years.
/r/Divorce_Men04/07/24 09:15 PM
2

Ain't that the truth. But I remember how I was about 3 years ago when this started; it's hard to think honestly about your cheating ex at the start.
/r/Divorce_Men04/07/24 09:13 PM
1

It's her house too; if she wants you have to pay her share as soon as she can get the court to say so. If you can't, it will be sold in a time frame the court decides so you can give her her share.
/r/Divorce_Men04/07/24 09:12 PM
5

Marriage is really only for kids; if you don't want kids, you really don't need to worry about it, and you can have a fulfilling and happy life without the risk of marriage, as it'll just get worse the older you get (to a point, at some point it doesn't matter much as you already 'did' everything and you're waiting to die)
/r/Divorce_Men04/07/24 05:57 PM
1

Yup, most of my friends with kids, the only reason it's 'working' for them is their own parents, who are helping with child care and due to how massively real estate went up plus old jobs having actual benefits, have the financial ability to support them later in life. Trying to do it like my parents did, with literally zero support, a dad working a mediocre job on the road and a mom working part time, is pretty much a recipe for divorce.
/r/Divorce_Men04/07/24 05:56 PM
2

Yup, work on making your life body, career, talents, body, whatever. Learn how to make awesome mixed drinks, dance, whatever. Get in shape. Put in those extra hours at the office. This won't make you feel better, or speed it up. What it will do is when time scars the wounds over, you'll have been stacking money, be in shape, and have attractive (but stupid) skills for your next dating life.
/r/Divorce_Men04/07/24 05:53 PM
1

This. No women is fucking as much as a recently separated wife.
/r/Divorce_Men04/07/24 05:51 PM
2

I'll tell you what she's doing. She's getting fucked by other men. Yes, that's what's your worried she's doing. yes, that's exactly what she is doing. Much more of it than she ever did with you. Once you accept that, and understand that means it's 100% over, you'll stop caring with time. Best rest assured, while you're sitting worrying about who she is talking too, she's getting plowed. It's the reason she left in the first place, after all
/r/Divorce_Men04/07/24 05:51 PM
2

Jail? Typically not. The 'Punishment' for such things in civil matters is generally give them what they should have had in the first place, plus pay whatever costs it took for them to get to that point (ie lawyer fees). Note, I'm not talking about falsfying income for child support. Judges will toss you in jail in over child support stuff. Which alimony is a hole nother hting.
/r/Divorce_Men04/07/24 05:49 PM
1

i don't know, you just described literally every single divorced women ever, and they seem to do okay after the fact, at least to a large enough degree I would say life requires any ownership of mistakes to succeed. Maybe it helps? But it's not necessary, clearly
/r/Divorce_Men04/07/24 05:46 PM
1

Well, if she thinks the same about you, as it seems you her, she has no reason to not just push to sell and move on. The law is on her side
/r/Divorce_Men04/07/24 04:29 PM
2

You can come to any agreement she will, well, agree too. If she doesn't, it'll have to be sold and split. Up to you how much money you want to spend to slow that down.
/r/Divorce_Men04/07/24 04:28 PM
1

While I don't know about 'cannot' finding a women to fuck you while you live with your ex wife is a much harder sell than the reverse, even if we remove the inherently higher base women have. But yeah, this is an awful, awful idea
/r/Divorce_Men04/07/24 04:25 PM
9

Well, there is a reason you felt insecurity from it. Because it matters, a lot, despite what you'll hear, especially on reddit. And sadly, your situation isn't uncommon. I have a friend whose signing up for this right now, but after being a virgin until his 30's, he thinks the scraps he's getting are a feast. I imagine once he reaches 40, he'll start to despair.
/r/Divorce_Men04/07/24 04:21 PM
4

Maybe a mediator? They're usually a lawyer, but not supposed to pick a 'side' per se. Typically, you both bring a lawyer with you to mediation, as the lawyers will know what you 'should' be getting and argue for it, but you can do it without it on both ends. Oh, and always prepare for it to be contested if you want to be treated fairly. Typically an 'amicable' divorce is one where the husband agrees to take less than he should
/r/Divorce_Men04/07/24 04:17 PM
4

Don't even think about if something is a dick move or not. Just literally only think about what's best for you. It's exactly what she's doing. As long as you do the same it'll be the most 'fair' result the system can produce.
/r/Divorce_Men04/07/24 04:16 PM
3

It does get better, but this relationship is 100% over so you can stop thinking about it at all. Your life will definitely get better, just work on self improvement activites. They won't make you feel any better, time will do that, but once time 'heals' you, you want to be in a position to start acting right away, rather than now start to build yourself back up
/r/Divorce_Men04/07/24 04:11 PM
1

Yes, time is the best remedy. Each day you go forward, it gets better. And sad about the trust thing, but it's true. That trust was never there, but you can't have the love unless you trust; so we all just hope we're in that 25%-50% that works out.
/r/Divorce_Men04/07/24 04:10 PM
1

Yup. The 'good' advice is harsh and makes the average reddit population very uncomfortable and lash out against.
/r/Divorce_Men04/07/24 04:09 PM
2

There is scales to things, and treating the word 'damaged' to mean '40 year old man whose never had a date' as the same damaged to mean '40 year old women with 3 children from 3 men she still talks to' is stupid and lazy.
/r/Divorce_Men04/07/24 04:08 PM
2

So much this. It's what really makes me think it's just a 'woman' thing and unless she controls her environment, it's always a risk. My best friends wife, who I've known since I was 17, was the most supportive to me when I got divorced at 34 (37 now). She hated what my ex did, and all the 'reasons' my ex gave (we all know what they are here, we've all heard them) were all just BS. Well, 14 months later, she would cheat on my best friend with her college ex (who was recently divorced) and she sai…
/r/Divorce_Men04/07/24 04:07 PM
1

The amount of simps here now is insane. They're worse than women; the women at least is rational self interest, the simps here are just pathetic. I know they infest the rest of reddit, but they're the worse form incel out there. Men who've never had success with women think if they simp hard enough, they'll get laid. The lack of experience, and more importantly, success, with women is evident. But yeah, everyone over 40 is going to be damaged. I had a friend who made it 36 without being damaged …
/r/Divorce_Men04/07/24 03:37 PM
1

That's typically what I've seen from 'women' therapists who 'support' husbands. Basically, telling while they 'think' it's good advice, it's horrible advice. It's the same mistake men make, you know that quote, 'men marry thinking wife won't change, women marry thinking husband will change, both are disappointed?' It's because we're too often thinking the other gender thinks like us, and it doesn't work out like that.
/r/Divorce_Men04/07/24 03:35 PM
3

Yup, the lack of clear rules in Alimony can make it a pretty scary prospect.
/r/Divorce_Men04/07/24 03:34 PM
3

The not paying money is the best you have. Judges typically don't care about the other stuff and wont' want to waste time, but if you're already there on something they do care about, they might take of it at the same time as they're already spending time
/r/Divorce_Men04/07/24 03:33 PM
5

It's a 'blessing' in the sense the earlier you get divorced, the better. Less assets to lose in the divorce, more time ahead of you to build more up, and if you want to try again, you still can with undamaged women, which increases the odds it can work out. Because it can. I won't say you won't find a woman who doesn't have the potential inside her to do the same thing, as it's a biology thing, but it doesn't have to play out like that every time.
/r/Divorce_Men04/07/24 03:32 PM
1

The men in my life who are the most successful with women treat them the worst. Note, that's not what attracts the women; it just doesn't matter when they're attractive. They just act that not for results, but because they can.
/r/Divorce_Men04/07/24 03:26 PM
1

It definitely has inherent flaws compared to normal dating, but I think these days lots of folks try it. I would say it self selects, but by different criteria. Now though, a woman does not have much difficulty getting dates; if she's on online dating for more than a few weeks max, there is an issue with her.
/r/Divorce_Men04/07/24 03:24 PM
-4

Yup, once you get past 35, if someone is single, it's for a reason. For men, that reason could just be unattractive, and are probably the least 'undamaged' version you could find 35+. But mentioning this really upsets folks
/r/Divorce_Men04/07/24 03:22 PM
4

Anyone here who's been divorced is 'damaged good's haha. But yes, over 40 year old dating, you will only find damaged goods. Maybe a woman might find some guy who has everything but is unattractive, thus never was in a relationship, but that's really it, and even then, he's unattractive. Guys getting upset about truth on here is hilarious though.
/r/Divorce_Men04/07/24 03:21 PM
3

Yeah, if there is a mortgage, most rentals don't turn much profit, just sit there cooking until it's time to sell it.
/r/Divorce_Men01/07/24 01:06 AM
6

Definitely. When me my ex moved out to go live with her divorced friend, she went from being somewhat guilty and ashamed of the cheating, saying things like 'this would be easier if you hated me' 'why do you keep blaming yourself' 'you don't have to take everything onto yourself', to a weird combination of denying she did it, yet proud she did it, and demanding everything.
/r/Divorce_Men30/06/24 01:45 AM
11

It's just...bizarre. No one else in life would they treat that way, but it seems accepted to do so to your husband. It really makes it no surprise how they can do the terrible things they do in divorce, but still be 100% good people to everyone else. Something about that marriage status just...I don't know, it does something.
/r/Divorce_Men29/06/24 10:25 PM
21

Yup, it's the biggest benefit of divorce; not having to walk on eggshells and instead just do the right thing. And it's hilarious the folks who don't approve of that. But I know their kind
/r/Divorce_Men29/06/24 10:10 PM
2

Yup, sadly how it goes in law. Judges and Attorney tend to be so overworked, none complain if the other side wants to push things out further. But yeah, I was right there with you, had to borrow money from friends and family to pay the retainer, which took some time, then it's 'cool ,thanks, imma go on vacy now, talk to you in two weeks'
/r/Divorce_Men29/06/24 06:59 PM
2

This. Yes/No/I don't recall are really all the words you need
/r/Divorce_Men29/06/24 05:13 PM
12

I think it's normal. My ex thought we'd split the house we bought two months earlier with my inheritance, that all of the debt we accrued during the marriage was my liability, that her debt she came into the marriage with was our shared liability, that everything we had bought during the marriage was hers alone, and that the house would sell for way more than it would. And that she should have alimony, despite cheating in a state that bars alimony for adultery.
/r/Divorce_Men29/06/24 05:09 PM
1

Trouble? Usually not, does the date matter in Maryland? In NC, for example, you could bring up she lied about the seperation date, but that would just make her wait until it has been a year, then you re-file
/r/Divorce_Men29/06/24 04:07 PM
3

Don't worry about offending us lawyers. We probably deserve it. As to what was the point? Divorce in general has a lot of that going around
/r/Divorce_Men29/06/24 04:06 PM
5

I've never worked in a really expensive law firm (biggest I've ever been apart of was I think 168 people at it's largest) but yeah, speed is never a priority. It's always juggling multiple things with limited resources, as the margins are thin because we can't cut into the partners hookers and blow budget.
/r/Divorce_Men29/06/24 03:55 PM
2

Yup, I always find folks, during their first interaction with the legal system, being shocked at just how long everything takes.
/r/Divorce_Men29/06/24 03:52 PM
2

Haha, my atty did the exact same thing. But 10 days is nothing in the time frame this will take. Don't worry about rushing it, it'll happen, just takes a bit of time
/r/Divorce_Men29/06/24 03:52 PM
1

Because you're not trusting them. You're not letting them determine your emotional future, either.
/r/Divorce_Men29/06/24 03:50 PM
1

Yeah, it's hard to say. Maybe someone's out there has some bro's who also never got into a romantic relationship, and they could tell how a 'bro-mance' felt as a lifestyle their entire life. Seems hard to find, as while individuals do it, typically the bro's as a whole get broken up by life. But yeah, my 74 year old father is at his 'happiest' re-telling his tales from his bro days, it feels.
/r/Divorce_Men29/06/24 02:04 PM
0

Well, the trusting thing is wear the emotional part comes from. If you're not going to trust, sure. Cool, it's pretty much what everyone else said.
/r/Divorce_Men29/06/24 01:21 PM
1

Yes, giving boring non-response. There's a difference between that and talking back and being 'arrogant' which...should be obvious, and reading OP you should able to tell how he wants to act. I will say Family Law attorney are idiots, there's a reason there's always opening's in that field. That said, I'd say most lawyers are idiots in most fields I've ever interacted with. Defense? Idiots. Prosecution? Mediocre. Estate? Really dumb. Real Estate? Sometimes little better than agents. In house? Te…
/r/Divorce_Men29/06/24 01:20 PM
1

Eh? I didn't call you a woman. I think I even called you 'bruh' But, that takeaway does fit with the theme of not understanding. And I wasn't dismissing their perspective; I was horrified by it. I took what they said as truth, and it's awful. That's why I said 'you agree with xyz' as they had all done horrible things, and yet hadn't felt they had done anything wrong at all. That made it easy to understand what my ex did; it's also terrifying that they all had a tale like that.
/r/Divorce_Men29/06/24 04:37 AM
2

The bro years were great, but I also think a product of their time, so to speak. Just having fun in the teens and 20's. If I lived that same life from then until the 50's, I'd probably feel very differently about it, haha
/r/Divorce_Men29/06/24 04:33 AM
5

Time is what you need, sadly. I guess you're probably still in the first year or two?
/r/Divorce_Men29/06/24 04:26 AM
9

Do you know why they are nasty and get under your skin? Because they want to get a reaction out of you. When those get read out in trial, it will hurt your case before the judge. The judge is quite literally looking for a reason to judge you, and emotional outbursts (which is what this is) start making 'he said, she said' situations lean towards 'she said'.
/r/Divorce_Men29/06/24 04:25 AM
5

You can, but it's a really bad idea.
/r/Divorce_Men29/06/24 04:08 AM
2

If you're not having to make any concessions to add it, no harm it can do.
/r/Divorce_Men29/06/24 04:03 AM
1

Heck, they still get a pass even after doing it. While 'both can do wrong' men do it less when it comes to this sort of wrong, and are deeply shunned for it, whereas women are often celebrated for their infidelity.
/r/Divorce_Men29/06/24 04:03 AM
1

Yup, it's very very difficult to live with someone you're divorcing. For you, I'd agree with your lawyer, you want as little continued ties to her as possible, so selling the house and splitting the money is the easiest thing for you. As for payments, she'll almost definitely get with another guy, just won't get married, that's just how it goes. You're going to be in for a world of hurt later if you think she's not going to get with other men. And that's plural. So, you're going to still have th…
/r/Divorce_Men29/06/24 04:02 AM
1

Of course, you can go ahead and put it in there. It may make her hesitate to do it, not knowing it's basically toothless. My ex wanted to put in our separation agreement that I wouldn't tell everyone how much of a cheating whore she was. If I wanted to go shout it from the rooftops, nothing in there really could've remedied that, but it made it feel better to have it in there, so I put it.
/r/Divorce_Men29/06/24 12:13 AM
1

Well, her argument's don't matter. In fact, literally nothing she says has any value. Is your lawyer really giving no other advice but 'get out to avoid her framing you for DV?'
/r/Divorce_Men29/06/24 12:12 AM
2

Two years seems to be about the time you finally stop caring. I'd say what you feel (or don't, in this case) is a positive thing
/r/Divorce_Men29/06/24 12:08 AM
2

Ugh, I've had civil and criminal judgements where they want to put things like this in there, and it's pretty toothless. Just pissess of Judges mostly if you try to bring it before them.
/r/Divorce_Men29/06/24 12:06 AM
2

Oh, man, you are so right there. I've had co-workers get fired for talking out. I tell them 'you get back at your boss by finding a new job, not calling them on their BS' and well...they chose the latter.
/r/Divorce_Men29/06/24 12:03 AM
2

In my experience? Never. Generally, they're not horrible people, they just did a horrible thing to one person. And yes, that was supposed to the person they least would do that too, but whatever. Otherwise, perfectly good people. I've been shocked now that I'm friends with a lot more women who will talk to me about their past, and the heinous things they've done to past lovers, said as if it was nothing at all....but they know enough not to say it to most people, which is why this was only said …
/r/Divorce_Men29/06/24 12:02 AM
2

It's a good way to live
/r/Divorce_Men28/06/24 11:59 PM
5

Gyms are a hotspot for affairs. I don't think it's kosher to say that though. But you can say they're a great place to meet women? Anyways, my ex didn't do the initial cheating in a gym, but after her AP ditched her, she hooked up with her trainer while 'thinking' about the divorce
/r/Divorce_Men28/06/24 11:51 PM
2

Simping is on the rise here, that's for sure. Even in this thread, haha. But I get it, the urge to simp right when they leave is strong, and it takes a herculean effort for guys to even admit to themselves she left to fuck another dude. The good part though is it does seem to be more a phase than a lifestyle
/r/Divorce_Men28/06/24 11:46 PM
2

Been an uptick of that and simps recently.
/r/Divorce_Men28/06/24 11:44 PM
3

It's a funny place as it has great niche information on issues. Then you'll click on someones name and their post history is all about their pony cuck fetish.
/r/Divorce_Men28/06/24 11:44 PM
1

Muscle and money are compensation for being unattractive. So, if you're unattractive, stack bills and pump iron. And to be fair, 95% of guys are 'unattractive' and need the above.
/r/Divorce_Men28/06/24 11:42 PM
1

That's....not a pre-nup, haha. Crazy. A pre-nup is just to make sure your seperate pre marriage property isn't converted into marital property, as any judge can decide. The pre-nup doesn't stop that, of course, but it can sure help. Trying to go beyond that it gets less and less trustworthy.
/r/Divorce_Men28/06/24 11:41 PM
1

It sounds like you agree with everyone here? Basically, 'no trust?' cool.
/r/Divorce_Men28/06/24 11:40 PM
2

Well, it's something like love for them, at the start I guess. Once the New Dick Energy wears off, yes, I'd say it starts to become a 'business decision' as they say in football.
/r/Divorce_Men28/06/24 11:38 PM
4

No, absolutely zero requirement. Maybe one attorney will make a motion for it, but typically not.
/r/Divorce_Men28/06/24 11:35 PM
0

Pretty much everyone here (except the simps, more and more here every day) have one way of putting it (some are more self important, some more bitter) have the same idea, I guess 'recreational use' is the most succinct way of putting it. And I'd agree with a 'awalt' but it doesn't make them 'bad' people at all outside devoted romantic relationships; none of the women I meet have seem to do really do anything 'immoral' except to prior dedicated romantic partners.
/r/Divorce_Men28/06/24 11:33 PM
0

I guess you're cool with sleeping with a co worker because your BF of 5 years hasn't proposed yet, then later marrying said BF without ever telling him. Or you're fine breaking up with your BF because all he doesn't have a good career, going on a world wide whore-tour, then when he calls to tell you of his job, you tell him you'll meet him when you get back to talk about, while in bed with another man, and later marrying him, but never telling him, because it'd 'break his heart' Or sleeping with…
/r/Divorce_Men28/06/24 11:32 PM
2

Eh, I'm not a fan of saying two possibilities are equal probabilities, as they aren't. It's lazy and useless, and ends conversations.
/r/Divorce_Men28/06/24 11:28 PM
1

In my state (NC) when you file for divorce, you have to put the date of separation. They won't accept the filing unless that is more than a year. Others saying you file for dissolution of marriage or whatever is nothing how it works here. It's state dependent. Many states don't have a very long waiting period for divorce. NC is a little backwards, as we even have laws like adultery is a bar for alimony.
/r/Divorce_Men28/06/24 11:27 PM
1

From what i've seen here, the biggest issues guys have at the start is 1) Accepting that yes, their wife is cheating, that's the entire reason she left and 2) if she's cheating, there is a 0% chance of working things out. The thought that something they can still do tears them up, but if one accepts the above, you know there is nothing to do but go forward. Many times the doing of something isn't the hardest part, it's the knowing what you should do. And when you realize there's only one option,…
/r/Divorce_Men28/06/24 03:17 AM
1

At least it's not the worst time to sell, but it is a terrible time to buy, at least in my market. Unless you have cash, of course, then it's fine.
/r/Divorce_Men28/06/24 02:53 AM
1

Haha, well, we've all probably dealt with laywers here. They're not good people, haha. Shame though I've 12 years experience being a lawyer, but it's all criminal, lending, or real estate, all of which have severe issues, so getting out with a 6 figure salary intact is proving very difficult. I might just have to bite the bullet and start small in another field and work my way up if I want out. I had to strong arm my boss here by levering criminal against real estate for my current 100k, and I'm…
/r/Divorce_Men28/06/24 02:30 AM
1

Well, someone cheating on you doesn't really ever affect if you can get alimony. In a small number of states, cheating on someone can deny you alimony, but that's about it. So, for your situation, the cheating really doesn't matter, and while I don't know MD's alimony rules, typical ones will be first, does she make more than you, then how long the marriage was, and if children, custody arrangements.
/r/Divorce_Men28/06/24 02:18 AM
3

I'm not sure if it's just my location, but I live in a Southern Metro anywhere, white, mid 30's crowd. I'd say about 20% of the married couples in my social circle have the 'useless' husband described, and the rest have the husband doing as much or more of the chores. Same are like my former marriage, where the husband does literally everything.
/r/Divorce_Men28/06/24 02:00 AM
3

Listening to your lawyer is probably a good place to start. If they think subpoena'ing it has value, then should do it. I assume she's trying to use this in court? Otherwise it doesn't really matter, just a more aggressive version of the standard lying that happens.
/r/Divorce_Men28/06/24 01:48 AM
15

Hmm, well, after speaking with many women as close friends since the divorce (something I never did being with my ex the past 10 years for obvious reasons), I've realized what my ex did was something they're all capable of, and all feel the same when they do it. She wasn't evil ,or do anything beyond normal behavior parameters. She was just a normal woman. It's just a ticking time bomb there with better than even odds to go off. But what really changed my view was the utter denial of any wrong d…
/r/Divorce_Men28/06/24 12:53 AM
1

Damn, that's sweet, haha. I'm a real estate attorney, and it's the sorta job you have to work for a partner to get any work. And they all know each other. So, if you make the 'obvious' choice and try to jump to another, they'll low ball you and if you turn them down, tell your boss you applied there, which gets you fired. Just happened last month to one of our attorneys. And sadly, Real Estate law really isn't very difficult, so they're more than happy to list a job for nothing and bring in a de…
/r/Divorce_Men28/06/24 12:50 AM
2

I guess depends what kind of pro bono. If this is some law student and it's basically his one class this semester is handling this client, that could be a pain, but he'll be ineffective. If this is someone who just does free law work, those folks are usually overworked and underpaid and don't try hard at all, because they can't, so that's good.
/r/Divorce_Men27/06/24 11:01 PM
1

Gotcha. And yeah, being able to find a new job easy is a huge perk; my field it's rough, so I've had to put up with some really awful, unethical bosses while it takes me 6 months or more to find new work.
/r/Divorce_Men27/06/24 10:31 PM
1

Oof. Guess it's too late to pivot back to those?
/r/Divorce_Men27/06/24 10:25 PM
-2

I really do hate to be that guy here, but the lesbian divorce rate does need a little more examination. Basically, a woman who marries a man is more likely to file for divorce than a woman who marries a woman. What makes lesbian divorce rates so high is a woman is on both sides, and they just naturally have significantly higher divorce rates than men. It holds true for gay marriage, a man who marries a man is more likely to file for divorce than a man who marries a woman, just men have such low …
/r/Divorce_Men27/06/24 10:17 PM
3

Honestly, I thought about it. My ex took all of our money from the bank account, left me with all the debt (it was all in my name) and I was laid off the day after she left. I thought about doing a total collapse, going bankrupt and living with my dad. If he wasn't living with his new wife he just married a year ago, and was living at the beach solo still, I might have done it. As was, I got a crappy job to literally just barely paid the bills, and just kept fighting every day. It took about 2 y…
/r/Divorce_Men27/06/24 10:07 PM
1

My state separation begins the moment one spouse leaves the home and takes up residence somewhere else without the intention to return. So, your situation would not count as separated under the law, and the one year waiting period to file for divorce would not have started running.
/r/Divorce_Men27/06/24 10:04 PM
2

Give it a shot, but talk to Atty first. Some counties it's on the books, but no Judge will actually enforce it. At least in favor of a man. In my county, literally the only time it ever worked in decades was for a woman, even though many better cases had come across the judges desk.
/r/Divorce_Men27/06/24 10:00 PM
7

Well, new dick is what made her decision. I see a lot of success stories here from new pussy. Granted, it's much harder to get the latter than the former. And really, the best way to 'cope' is to understand, you don't have a choice in the matter. If there is only one flavor, well, you know what you have to order.
/r/Divorce_Men27/06/24 09:59 PM
1

Guys who know their way around free kitty know newly seperated women are the most free out there.
/r/Divorce_Men27/06/24 09:58 PM
1

Yup, it's not enough to shut down truth, but to also push the opposite of truth.
/r/Divorce_Men27/06/24 09:57 PM
6

I actually saw that pop on suggested while at work ,was going to respond when I got home, lol. My mom had cancer for 9 years, and Dad stayed through the whole thing and put himself into debt he still struggles too today to get her those 9 years, as the doctor's only gave her 6 months and insurance didn't want to spend money on a 'lost cause'. But yes, Reddit (social media in general, but ESPCIALLY reddit) are full of the most awful ,disgusting agenda pushers out there. I could say more honest th…
/r/Divorce_Men27/06/24 09:56 PM
1

It kinda answered OP's question really well though
/r/Divorce_Men27/06/24 09:53 PM
2

Haha, same here, 4 eggs a day. I guess it's okay health wise to eat that many? I know it's supposed to be 'good' cholesterol, but when I told my doc I was having 6 a day she told me to cut back. Still, as someone who get very very poor after the divorce, eggs were 400 calories per dollar and had good nutritional value, so where a main stay for me along side Milk (700 cal per dollar) and pasta (1000 cal per dollar)
/r/Divorce_Men27/06/24 03:10 AM
2

I would say 'not all women' but it is EVERY women (close enough for rounding errors) who gets into these situations. Like, my best friends wife, she was the one most livid at my wife for her cheating and lying. She HATED her for what she did. When she cheated 14 months later? Her behavior was basically a carbon copy of my exes. So, my 'not all women' dries up when the population we're drawing from is 'divorced women' as doing divorce law for 3 years, I've still never seen a wife admit it was her…
/r/Divorce_Men26/06/24 10:53 PM
2

I've about 2.5 years out, and been on a whopping 9 dates at age 47. I've gotten most of those dates from OLD, but none have been worth anything, just awful times for more work than it's worth. Just terrible. The three I've picked up organically were all much better. One was a co-worker, that was very very brief (she was basically on/off with her ex and they went back on again. Also the worst of the three by far.) The other was a 25 year old best friend of my best friends little brother's wife, w…
/r/Divorce_Men26/06/24 10:50 PM
2

Evil is how. It's hilarious how so so many women and simps use the 'they've planned it for a long time' as if that makes the evil better?! It makes it SO MUCH WORSE (personally, I don't tend to believe it; they start planning when the mood changes, they can't hide that, and that mood changes the moment they get that new dick energy.)
/r/Divorce_Men26/06/24 10:48 PM
3

Definitely, anyone whose proud to be a 'lot to handle' is not someone you want to have in your life.
/r/Divorce_Men26/06/24 10:44 PM
1

I'm only 37, but the times I've dated women in mid-to late thirties anyways it's been strange compared to the last time I dated at 25. Basically, when I last dated, the fact you went on a 2nd date was basically the equivalent of putting 'Due Diligence' down on a house or something (sorry, real estate atty, just came to mind). Basically, it was understood that if you were dating, it was just with one person, and this period was to determine if it was going to be 'serious' or not. For a man, this …
/r/Divorce_Men26/06/24 10:43 PM
10

I'm 37, so no personal xp for 40+ dating scene, but I've browsed that sub a bit, and man, you're right what I see is: There isn't too many men, and the ones who are there are unattractive men surprised it's still not their time like everyone told them it would be some day. Turns out being attractive still matters, as while looks fade, everyone's fades, so it's all relatively the same situation. For women, they all want to a man who is attractive, successful, and ready to commit, but at age 40+, …
/r/Divorce_Men26/06/24 10:39 PM
3

Honestly, it doesn't sound bad. You would have had to fight in court, for example, to do anything other than split the house payments, and could have easily had more taken out of 401k. The healthcare is pretty 'whatever'. The biggest loss is losing the days with kids. Hopefully you get a place or situation help or they just grow up a bit, and can modify that quickly to get closer to 50/50. My best friend, when he's wife cheated on him, lived with me for a few months, and he had 50/50. I got to b…
/r/Divorce_Men26/06/24 10:25 PM
4

I guess for me, I lost more during the marriage than I did when she left it. I came in with 108k in assets, she with 23k in debt, and she left with 40k and no debt, and I had 35k in equity and 35k in debt, so basically nothing. Also during the marriage, never spent anything on me, the last suit I bought was my wedding suit in 2015, and I'm a lawyer, who wears suits every day. (I have gotten them patched at the tailors often). But the money has never really bothered me for some reason? I guess I'…
/r/Divorce_Men26/06/24 10:16 PM
-2

Typically, yes, unless you were planning you financials meticulously throughout the marriage. Spending money on it that is 'marital funds' (which is almost all money coming in during the marriage) will make that appreciation very likely to be marital property.
/r/Divorce_Men26/06/24 10:14 PM
22

I mean, from all the research, studies, statistics, testimonies from men, my prior experience working in family law, conversations with the multiple women friend's made post divorce, it really just seems to come down to they got tingles, wanted new dick, and had to re-write history to themselves so that's a 'good' decision to make. It's sad, that it comes down to something so simple, but I guess a lot of things when you discover the secret are underwhelming.
/r/Divorce_Men26/06/24 10:11 PM
7

It's a good feeling, and you're right, and for everyone here still at the start, you can't believe it'll ever feel good again when it starts. But it gets better.
/r/Divorce_Men26/06/24 10:09 PM
2

God, yes, the 'I should do something productive' whenever I try to play a video game or watch a show. I can't make it more than 20 min before feeling like I need to start working around the house, researching something online, or working out.
/r/Divorce_Men26/06/24 09:43 PM
1

I mean, if she thinks she can get you off with no alimony and losing half your stuff, that's a great attorney. Worth every penny.
/r/Divorce_Men26/06/24 09:41 PM
2

I'm glad my ex was so in a rush to get back overseas to be with her AP, as she felt the same. She though the money she took from the account after the date of separation she didn't have to pay back, that our marital debt was all mine to pay, that her pre marital debt was ours to share, that everything we had bought during the marriage was hers (as we never spent a cent on me), and that the house would also be split, (and she didn't understand the market was cooling and there are closing costs) a…
/r/Divorce_Men26/06/24 04:26 AM
3

I think it definitely helps. My divorce process started April 2022, but wasn't finalized until Feb 2024, and it wasn't until then I really started doing better. Didn't tell anyone until July 2022, spent the next 6 months partying and socializing more than I ever have before in my life, realized it wasn't helping, spent 5 months training to join the Marines, went through OCS, turned down my commission, went back to my old crappy job in Sept 2023, (turns out they couldn't find anyone to do that le…
/r/Divorce_Men26/06/24 04:07 AM
4

Yeah, pretty much what I do at night. Clean, work out, scroll for about half an hour, sleep.
/r/Divorce_Men26/06/24 02:43 AM
2

Yeah, I've always found the 'tax break' thing to be a bit of a stretch. When I was making 115k, the 'tax break' saved me about 6k in a year. Which, yay, but being married has a lot more than 6k a year, as to get that break it was because she didn't have an income. If she also had a full time job, it would have been much less.
/r/Divorce_Men26/06/24 02:41 AM
6

Also rough when your wife comes from money and you don't, but you were the only one working.
/r/Divorce_Men26/06/24 02:37 AM
4

Well, I think for most of us divorce was pretty awful. And statistically, it's more than 50% likely to happen again if we re-marry. Those are rough odds to walk into with your eyes open, as while the stats were the first time, none of us believe it'll really happy to us personally. Much harder to have that mindset once it has. All that said, it really is the only realistic option if you want a family, so if your marriage didn't have children, and you're not too old, I can see why folks would try…
/r/Divorce_Men26/06/24 02:35 AM
1

Might just be attorney's in general, haha.
/r/Divorce_Men26/06/24 02:28 AM
1

Definitely, to much annoyance considering my situation, I have to handle homes being sold as part of a divorce as a portion of my job, and the times I do see a happy husband in there, he's usually brought another women to the sale. And on the flip side of those, I usually have a depressed and/or bitter wife when she comes into sign. Much more often the reverse (well, actually, I've never had a wife bring her new man into a closing, for what it's worth)
/r/Divorce_Men26/06/24 02:28 AM
3

I would think she could, if he literally just 'poofed' one day, could 'spin' that to not be her fault. I mean, even from the story, we don't exactly know why he 'poofed' (though based on how she treated the OP, we can imagine why). Typically jus vanishing on your spouse isn't seen as a great by other folks (at least when a husband does it) Though, and while we complain here about the 'support' wives receive post divorce, to a large degree it's fairly hollow at the end of the day, so even spinnin…
/r/Divorce_Men26/06/24 02:26 AM
2

Oh, folks sure can and will argue with math, haha.
/r/Divorce_Men26/06/24 02:22 AM
1

Yup, when I got called by a Sherriff, it was to serve the divorce papers on me. But, it's an easy fix, you just call their office, tell them who said they called, and should give you his name, which should match the number on the message. At least that's how it worked for me.
/r/Divorce_Men26/06/24 02:17 AM
2

I think that's pretty common, heh. The closest I've been with a woman since the divorce, I called it off due to not wanting to go as fast as she did. (only two years out of divorce, I wasn't ready to start talking marriage after 4 months). But looking back, she was a lot like my ex. (Not in a bad way, per se, but just a very similar person). Sometimes we have a type, I guess. But def grats on realizing 'success' doesn't come from a new woman, which is what is cited by most success stories.
/r/Divorce_Men26/06/24 02:16 AM
7

I guess it could be for a few reasons. Maybe she really on some level feels bad about what she did. Maybe she just wants to make sure you're not dating someone else. Maybe she hopes to hear you're doing bad to make her feel better. I think the important state to get in is that it doesn't make you feel anyway not matter what she does.
/r/Divorce_Men26/06/24 02:13 AM
1

I'm not as optimistic as your attorney, but she's probably much more familiar with the local customs (which matter a ton for divorce settlements) and more importantly, there's really no harm in trying to see if she'll sign off on a favorable deal. The alternative is just jumping to the ugly part, so no real harm in making an attempt before you get there.
/r/Divorce_Men26/06/24 02:11 AM
1

No, I did, that's where the information comes from, many many statistics and studies on the subject. That's how I know you're not right on the subject. But you're clearly invested in this, despite what you say, and need to take you're own advice. Or keep telling yourself whatever you need to feel better.
/r/Divorce_Men26/06/24 02:07 AM
2

You too, try not spread more misinformation during yours.
/r/Divorce_Men26/06/24 02:02 AM
4

I'd say saying 'I've moved on' is what comes out the end of the process, and that process starts by getting (at least interested in) new D.
/r/Divorce_Men26/06/24 02:01 AM
5

It's funny how that happens. I wonder if it's age thing, or a side effect of divorce? I used to watch a lot of shows/movies when I was single, but post divorce, I literally can't sit through it anymore.
/r/Divorce_Men25/06/24 10:27 PM
-1

I do find it funny how often I see this suggestion. The correct thing would be to say 'have a series of short term relationships' because, as you said, it's not realistic to expect any women to go for a non-marriage long term relationship. Women rag on other women who do that for good reason. If you try to follow that 'advice' it means breaking up and getting new GF's pretty frequently. Which, honestly isn't a bad idea, as long as you don't want a family. Women are always the best to you at the …
/r/Divorce_Men25/06/24 10:17 PM
5

I'll just say everything gets worse after marriage. If you're feeling like this before it, that's not a great sign. Not to say I'm anti-marriage; if you want a family, it's really the only game in town. But you should be feeling REALLY GOOD about that decision.
/r/Divorce_Men25/06/24 10:16 PM
2

It's more likely than the alternative you suggest, which is really grasping. Lets not get the possible confused for the probable. I know it's reddit, and reddit LOVES that.
/r/Divorce_Men25/06/24 10:13 PM
2

Yes, they will all give it back if anything is left. Typically, none will be left. I gave $1500 for mine, he drafted one document, responded to two requests for edits, emailed me about 12 times, and had about 1.5 hours of discussion. And that's it, no filing, no nothing else.
/r/Divorce_Men25/06/24 10:13 PM
1

not sure, I in fact had to destroy my credit, I was in the high 500's to low 600's for two years, haha. Back to mid 700's now.
/r/Divorce_Men25/06/24 10:12 PM
2

Oh, I've learned there are always simps out there. They just have to settle for 'less' than they used too.
/r/Divorce_Men25/06/24 10:11 PM
1

So true, my buddies came over for a night out drinking and talking when it all went down, but that one night was it. After that, I was supposed to man up. And you're also so right, there is a very real sex issue with modern divorce, and it's hard to talk about, as any other time I saw them, their wives are with them, as women are very, very tribal.
/r/Divorce_Men25/06/24 10:09 PM
3

I also had divorced 'friends' come kick my tires after they got divorced. It was pretty disgusting. I also had some come after I myself got divorced. Felt the same.
/r/Divorce_Men25/06/24 10:07 PM
2

I think the times the women filing for divorce was 'wronged' are balanced out by the time the man filing for divorce was 'wronged' so for discussion purposes, it's still 4:1
/r/Divorce_Men25/06/24 10:04 PM
1

The thing that really boggles is me is women refuse to ever admit even the concept of orbiters.
/r/Divorce_Men25/06/24 10:04 PM
5

Typically, it's the new guy that BEGINS the processing. Prior to that, she may be 'unhappy' in some indistinct sense, but it's once she thinks she has (and most often, is actually getting) new D that is when she starts 'moving on'. Often for men, it 'comes out of no where' but it's because while the cheating was sudden, her deciding to leave took some planning.
/r/Divorce_Men25/06/24 10:03 PM
4

That really is it, they leave for the D, thinking it's everything, find out it's really still nothing, and then have to convince themselves they made a good decision.
/r/Divorce_Men25/06/24 10:01 PM
6

A funny thing is, women at least think a man who sleeps with them finds them 'hot and sexy' and can't understand that men will just bang anything mid.
/r/Divorce_Men25/06/24 10:01 PM
0

I'd generally agree with this. Sad to say, I've two friends who are being that 'simp' right now to women in their late 30's. On the other hand, for both of them, it's literally their first serious relationship in their mid 30's, so maybe it's for the best.
/r/Divorce_Men25/06/24 10:00 PM
5

There's a reason so many older women are home owners.
/r/Divorce_Men25/06/24 09:59 PM
6

And, network or not, society will support them, and men will come out of the wood work to 'support' them (read, bang them). Which, as you said, isn't actually long term useful, so the benefits wear off after a few years.
/r/Divorce_Men25/06/24 09:58 PM
7

There is, but it tends to be much less. It's usually the one who files who feels great, and 80% of the time, that's the women, so less instances out there. But it certainly happens, I've seen men leave their wives for younger women, and I've sat through closings with them as the marital home is being liquidated, and they're not happy campers.
/r/Divorce_Men25/06/24 09:57 PM
2

Sadly, the time to protect assets comes before marriage, not during divorce. I don't know how tribal things play into it, but in general, all assets obtained during the marriage will be split down the middle. That would include your 401k and pension, or at least, whatever the difference is from the date of marriage to today. You say she has a paid off house, if that was something you obtained during the marriage? Actually, how long were you married, as that has a big impact on these sort of thin…
/r/Divorce_Men25/06/24 04:07 AM
2

I...uh don't know if this a complex situation, it's pretty clear it's over (it's been over for a long, long time) and you need to speak to a lawyer and figure out the best way to get out.
/r/Divorce_Men25/06/24 02:57 AM
2

My ex wife was molested by one of her moms many rotating boyfriends. I'm not sure what practically you can do to prevent that, as like you said, a court failing to give the mother at least 50% custody is practically speaking not going to happen.
/r/Divorce_Men25/06/24 01:41 AM
4

The suddenly unhappy was a new guy giving tingles, and the open marriage was to make it 'okay' after the fact.
/r/Divorce_Men24/06/24 10:34 PM
2

Hmm, Pre marriage, I'm not sure. I guess the 'obvious' red flag was she had a very active sexual past, but was 'ready to settle down' which is....well, that's not how it works, but I believed what I was supposed to believe. The bigger issue was she let people take advantage of her, or pressure her into things, and wouldn't think badly of them. Like, a month into dating she went over to a co-workers house, and said co workers boy friend was there, and they pressured her into doing Hookah with the…
/r/Divorce_Men24/06/24 10:33 PM
1

Heh, I remember those all day Ikea trips. Did one each time we got a new house, so 3 times over 9.5 years. Then you get to go home and spend the next week building it all.
/r/Divorce_Men24/06/24 10:28 PM
2

I'm sure most folks here exe's were 'bums' I guess.
/r/Divorce_Men24/06/24 09:41 PM
5

It sucks, I get the whole 'being good at your job, but bad at getting clients'. I'm a great attorney, get respect in my industry and praise from clients and bosses wherever I go. I brief 2 year stint trying to work for myself was a disaster, as I'm just horrible at getting (and billing) clients. Just not my wheelhouse. Also sucks, as men losing jobs massively spikes divorce rates. At this point, even making more money quickly...you see how much she really cares for you. Its REALLY hard to ever p…
/r/Divorce_Men24/06/24 12:40 AM
4

Well, you don't leave just to leave. She means leave to find a man who makes more money.
/r/Divorce_Men24/06/24 12:38 AM
1

Well, I guess it's less trust, and more you just have to accept the odds. So, you don't hold back or anything, but you also know you've got 50%+ odds of it not working out. If that happens...well, it happened, and not much you could have done about it, except not play the game.
/r/Divorce_Men22/06/24 04:49 PM
1

Well, I guess it's less trust, and more you just have to accept the odds. So, you don't hold back or anything, but you also know you've got 50%+ odds of it not working out. If that happens...well, it happened, and not much you could have done about it, except not play the game.
/r/Divorce_Men22/06/24 04:49 PM
2

Yup, it's how it goes. It's a wonderful reason why (even simps here are repeating) the 'emotinal' aspect of cheating is just BS. It's all driven by their tingles.
/r/Divorce_Men21/06/24 10:26 PM
1

Oh, she brought up me crying after my mom died as one of her litany of reasons for why it was okay to fall on new dick. That had been like, 5 years ago at that point.
/r/Divorce_Men21/06/24 02:48 AM
1

I will say the 'evil' thing is...eh. Many, MANY women have done exactly what she has, and many of our exes. It's less than half, but I'd probably say more than a quarter. It goes beyond character flaws. The thing is? They're all perfectly normal. They probably have never done anything evil in their life, other than what they did to the person they were supposed to support the most. It's sadly 'normal' behavior, unless 'evil' is now the norm.
/r/Divorce_Men21/06/24 02:42 AM
1

Definitely 2nd the dating. You have to be at a certain level for it to work, but every single success story involves sex with other women.
/r/Divorce_Men21/06/24 02:17 AM
3

This is good advice. You can't start healing until you accept it's over. And once you accept that nothing you can do can alter that, you can spend your efforts on what you can change, namely yourself. Not an ideal situation for most, but the ideal went out the door at this point
/r/Divorce_Men21/06/24 02:08 AM
1

I agree, though said 'evolution' does 'feel' like love to them. It just doesn't last.
/r/Divorce_Men21/06/24 02:06 AM
1

Yup, that's normal. Typically the first guy they fuck is a total sleezebag, because he's going after married women, and predictablly, he won't stay around very long.
/r/Divorce_Men21/06/24 02:01 AM
1

So much this. That 'affair fog' is key, as it's a combination on some level feeling guilty for what she KNOWS is an evil thing (she won't ever say it out loud) and the other is wanting to just focus on this 'new awesome guy' who her hormones are telling her is the best thing ever. Those hormones will fade, and when she realizes the new guy isn't magical, she'll start hating the old husband. You want to have a separation agreement signed prior to this, as once the fog is gone, the guilt is gone, …
/r/Divorce_Men21/06/24 02:00 AM
3

Sounds normal, can't say 5 months out I was much better. It was pretty much work, come home, make dinner, sleep for 3 hours, wake up, work out, doom scroll in bed till I collapse.
/r/Divorce_Men21/06/24 01:29 AM
2

I do notice the 'red flags' in everyone a lot more now. The sorta things people say 'that's just a coincidence' or whatever, when I know you don't see the signs unless the bigger problem is there, like if you see that wet spot on your first floor ceiling, it's not just 'that's so small, no issue' it means you have a giant issue already.,
/r/Divorce_Men21/06/24 01:27 AM
3

You talk to a lawyer, make a plan, and file. You don't tell her anything.
/r/Divorce_Men21/06/24 01:24 AM
1

Well, then it's a character flaw that a significant amount of the population possesses, and when the situation happens, exhibit the exact same behaviors. My friends now ex wife was probably the hardest on my what my ex wife did, calling out her BS behavior (you know, the 'i need space' 'it's your fault' type crap we all got). 14 months later she cheated, and it was a carbon copy of how my ex acted. It's a bit too widespread for me not to think it doesn't stem from nature to some degree.
/r/Divorce_Men20/06/24 01:21 AM
3

The free time, I guess? I prefer not having it if I could have my old life back, but I pretty much had zero time to myself while married. It was work, then chores, then spend time with wife, then sleep, then repeat.
/r/Divorce_Men19/06/24 08:57 PM
9

It gets better. 104 days I was still a huge mess some days. She doesn't care at all, if you're wondering.
/r/Divorce_Men19/06/24 08:56 PM
3

Eh, I don't put much stock in thinking things will go poorly for her. It's what everyone tries to say at the start, but A. ) it doesn't really matter what happens to her, for me anyways, and B) life is fine for attractive women. She's doing just fine, at least from what I can tell. Haven't spoken to her in almost a year. And it is happy moments; I'm not anti marriage or anything, just sad memories. Like seeing flowers in the grocery store, and remembing how i'd bring her some randomly to suprise…
/r/Divorce_Men19/06/24 01:36 AM
2

I get that. The lady I'm mentioning, we had been going out for about 6 weeks, and she wanted to go 'raebae' it up at a festival, and, I know exactly what that means, just ended it. You can't change someone whose into that, and I didn't want to be a weekday booty call in between drug fueled weekends.
/r/Divorce_Men19/06/24 01:22 AM
2

I should work on that, and if I was fine being part of a 'rotation' or keeping a 'rotation' myself, we'd probably still be having sex. As is, she's someone if I want to out to music festivals with (this was a music festival last week we had this conversation) as being with a woman makes it easier to approach the other women there.
/r/Divorce_Men19/06/24 01:13 AM
2

Eh? I'm not trying to fuck this woman, haha. Well, not again. Women in their 20's I've found are a good time and easy to fuck, but not just for one person.
/r/Divorce_Men19/06/24 01:11 AM
5

Instagram. She never posted the guy, but her friends posted some pics, and one of the guys in the pics I was able to put together was at the same place as my ex at same day. Then once I started watching his stories, it became clear she was having an affair.
/r/Divorce_Men19/06/24 01:09 AM
2

Oh yeah, at some point, we had our chance. And it's gone. I see a lot of life of folks unwilling to accept that bad things happened and they are permanently worse off now, but it's a very human thing to rejecf that notion.
/r/Divorce_Men19/06/24 01:08 AM
2

Tell me about. I do real estate closings for about half my current job, and my main client is new couples buying their first house. Every single time, I get a flashback to ours. But gotta keep that smile and make the clients comfortable, happy, and entertaiend.
/r/Divorce_Men19/06/24 01:08 AM
2

That's exactly what she told last week when I said 'should I go on the apps?' She said it's like, no matches for guys, and when there is, its mostly threesomes.
/r/Divorce_Men19/06/24 12:36 AM
10

We all felt like that. I saw a therapist 9 days after my wife pulled the same thing your wife did over night. After describing in details how she was acting, my therapist first question was: "Do you think she might be cheating?" And I swore she wasn't, she was just having an identity crisis, as she hadn't back to her home country in 10 years, and she's always had some mental health struggles. It took 10 weeks of increasingly more and more denial until I did some searching and found the truth. My…
/r/Divorce_Men19/06/24 12:35 AM
2

Both, really, sadly. Prior LTR = significantly higher divorce rates. Higher past partners = signifcantly higher divorce rates. And sadly women not in LTR are picking up lots of numbers. I'm not sure you can 'win' unless you find someone during college or something who lives at home.
/r/Divorce_Men19/06/24 12:33 AM
2

And one thing I've learned about women since my divorce, is that a 'single woman' is not like a 'single man'. A single man is probably not having sex unless he's one of the 5% or whatever. A single women is having way more sex partners than someone whose had LTR. That said, LTR also hurt divorce rates, so it's kinda a wash either way, because I really don't know ANY women in my life who doesn't have sex, and I've known tons of guys who don't.
/r/Divorce_Men19/06/24 12:31 AM
3

Funny thing about those stats, its LTR have a similar impact on divorce rates. Like, someone whose only had two partners, but both were co-habitation, has a similar divorce rate to someone with 10+ partners
/r/Divorce_Men19/06/24 12:28 AM
1

Yup, men do it too, or at least all my married friends do....except they dream of playing video games all night and not doing chores all weekend, not going out and pounding random women.
/r/Divorce_Men19/06/24 12:26 AM
2

The three men I mentioned, all of them are the biggest misogynists I know IRL, and all act like total douch-bags to women. It works really well for them. That said, there is a fine line to walk, and they have the experience to know where to walk it. You don't just pour it over the head, for example.
/r/Divorce_Men19/06/24 12:24 AM
1

Yup, I've not a lot of 'liquid' funds anymore after the divorce, but I do have some assets that are worth a lot in the long term. Thankfully, folks seem impatient these days to go after those as it takes marriage and years, and just want the liquid money poured on them. (Though I do remember spending 400-500 a week dating my wife back in the day)
/r/Divorce_Men19/06/24 12:23 AM
3

The other dude (and likely dudes) is the missing info. It's what triggers this behavior in your wife. Your story is sadly our story as well. Sometimes we hear it so much we skip to the end.
/r/Divorce_Men19/06/24 12:20 AM
1

Neither of us were even present for mine. My ex hired an attorney in some random county, he went before the clerk of court in our absence, and it was done.
/r/Divorce_Men19/06/24 12:17 AM
1

Not sure, but in my state, it wouldn't matter whose names on the deed unless you had special language; property obtained with marital funds during the marriage is marital property, and gets split.
/r/Divorce_Men19/06/24 12:16 AM
2

This. This always the answer. It is always new dick causing divorces. Men are always coming onto to women, always. Eventually, one will give her tingles, and that starts the destruction of the marriage.
/r/Divorce_Men19/06/24 12:16 AM
2

That burning desire does need to be there at the start. It will also fade, but if she's not attracted to you from the start, it's never going to work. Tingles drive this, and starting with settling just accelerates this cheating process. (Studies show wives almost always lose sexual attraction to husbands rapidly after marriage. The reverse is not true)
/r/Divorce_Men19/06/24 12:14 AM
2

And she'll only keep this arrangment up as long until she's got a new place to stay, then he'll divorce him anyways. Best to take action now.
/r/Divorce_Men19/06/24 12:12 AM
3

One thing that helped me is more of a work out quote, but it applies to more things: "The weights didn't get lighter; you got stronger' Everyone always told me it would get better, I would 'get over' my marriage, and feel better of without her. More than two years out, it's the same stabbing, awful feeling anytime a memory comes up. But they don't debilitate like they used too. Pains still there, it hasn't gotten any less. I'm just stronger now.
/r/Divorce_Men19/06/24 12:12 AM
3

Yeah, the women I've been hanging out with pretty much tell me flat out don't even try the apps for a man, especially if you want something other than a ho for a bit.
/r/Divorce_Men19/06/24 12:09 AM
7

I'm not sure you can ever avoid it. My ex, anyone who talked to her before, or even now? Would never expect she was capable of doing what she did. Most women are like that. Every single women I've known well enough for them to let me know their life story, has some terrible things they've done like this. Even my mom and sister. They all are perfectly nice good people. They're not evil, they're not defective, just when it comes to a man who is dedicated to them, they feel justifed and righteous d…
/r/Divorce_Men19/06/24 12:07 AM
8

It is always another guy in these situations. The times it's not are so rare it's not worth considering. And when there is another guy, she is 100% done with you. Just how it works for them. So, you have the certainty that you have no choice but to do as best as possible for yourself in the 100% necessary divorce. She's done the worst thing to you than probably anyone else in you life ever has or will, even all added together. So give her exactly what someone like that deserves.
/r/Divorce_Men19/06/24 12:06 AM
5

Yup. My ex wife was molested by one of the revolving boyfriends of her mother.
/r/Divorce_Men19/06/24 12:04 AM
2

Basically, she had been a ho. Who I made into a housewife. That was a mistake. I mean, it worked for a bit, but literally the first time in our 9 years together she goes out on a vacation overseas with her friends, falls on dick.
/r/Divorce_Men18/06/24 11:58 PM
2

It's just really bizarre how, for this one thing, society wants us to think past behavior doesn't matter, even though literally every other aspect of life it's used as one of out strongest basis for decision making.
/r/Divorce_Men18/06/24 11:58 PM
1

I think it's when they claim physical abuse or some such, hit the husband with a TRO, which then starts the system incredibly biased against him. All of which requires basically nothing to get started.
/r/Divorce_Men17/06/24 03:23 AM
5

It really is. Over and over, see the same story, which means the same thing, cheating. It all comes back to that
/r/Divorce_Men17/06/24 03:21 AM
7

If I was allowed to bet money on it, I'd bet everything.
/r/Divorce_Men17/06/24 03:21 AM
10

Well, I could say I ignored red flags, but they're the sort of red flags that society tells you don't matter and your insecure for thinking have any impact.
/r/Divorce_Men17/06/24 01:59 AM
2

Haha, yeah, mine didn't serve me until the following Jan, and I didn't file against her because I was simping at the start. If I had filed earlier, gotten the decree, then there was nothing she could do, maybe I woulda just tossed all the stuff too. Well, what I should have done is dropped it off at her Moms, who she hasn't spoken too since she left me. That would REALLY made her mad. But again, simping
/r/Divorce_Men16/06/24 10:55 PM
0

Yup, it happens so much to everyone woman I've known in the industry that I just feel it's what women will do in certain environments. But, then again, I guess divorce rates do correlate with your job, so I guess environment matters a lot when it comes to sex. I have co-workers who are so proud their girls have started jobs as servers in high school, and I don't think they have any clue what that means. My friend above who is a bartender whose had well over a 100 women? Talking about the 18 year…
/r/Divorce_Men16/06/24 10:53 PM
2

That's exactly it, 'for all the wrong reasons' but honestly, this is a dating app. You shouldn't be looking for a new wife on there, and the 'wrong reasons' are what you need to play too.
/r/Divorce_Men16/06/24 10:37 PM
2

Yup. It's the reason they leave and the reason they don't want to talk anymore.
/r/Divorce_Men16/06/24 10:36 PM
3

That's why my friends told me to do. She cheated overseas In april, left in July when she got back, went NC in Sept, and then out of then April says she's coming to get her stuff after no talking for 6 months. I just had the stuff sitting there for almost a year. Completely get OP, the feeling of sitting in a house full of memories. I realized when she took all her stuff out, that really, over the 5 times we had moved in our 9 years together, each time I had lost more and more of 'my stuff' (it …
/r/Divorce_Men16/06/24 10:36 PM
2

Not sure about your state, but in mine, you don't have to do anything. You just list the house for sale by whatever means you chose, the house sells, the lawyers will take that money, pay off any liens on the property (ie your mortgage), pay out any closing costs (realtor fees, taxes, hoa fees, etc) and whatever is left, they will give to you. You don't need to do much but sign a few papers
/r/Divorce_Men16/06/24 05:35 PM
3

It sure is, I def probably got a 'most unfavorable' take if not complete lies. But at the least, he was 9 years older than, a gym teacher, short, bald (but in great shape) and, her biggest complaint, they had been dating 5 years and he hadn't proposed yet. I'd met him at a few office parties, and he didn't seem like a bad guy at all, but at the very least, he wasn't good at social interaction with people he didn't know. But a lot of folks are a lot better when around people they are comfortable …
/r/Divorce_Men16/06/24 03:36 PM
3

Definitely. I met a good woman, but she wanted to get serious (and honestly, a little fast) but after what happened, I'm just not in a place to let someone in to completely destroy me again. And, you'll rarely find a good woman who wants to keep things for very long in that 'dating' stage, so I had to end things so she could go get what she wanted with someone else. I imagine if I took much longer, she would have done it herself
/r/Divorce_Men16/06/24 02:56 PM
5

From my friends in the restaurant biz, they tell me any woman working there has slept with someone else working there, and typically, it's a small group of guys who sleep with every women. As someone who married a waitress....wish I been a bit more judgmental, haha.
/r/Divorce_Men16/06/24 02:48 PM
2

I don't know, I've been with these guys in real life, they're close friends I still hang out with today. (well, 2 of them are, the Doctor I haven't seen since college). Women literally come up to them in line at bars and give them numbers...even while they have a women with them. That wasn't 'lighting' or anything, something in them just drives that thirst
/r/Divorce_Men16/06/24 02:42 PM
3

I totally agree. And from my limited dating experience post divorce, the two women I dated in their mid 20's did not really care about money much at all. They were still very much in the 'fun' phase of life. You're very right about the 21 vs 40 for them, and I worry about them. The bartender is 29 now, the chef is 32, and they both show zero desire to change their life. Like, it's awesome now, but when they're 40 and still doing this, it won't be all sex and fun anymore. For the pre-med student,…
/r/Divorce_Men16/06/24 02:40 PM
3

Men are thirsty creatures, and that fact drives much of the interaction between men and women. There's a reason second marriages have more than a 50% increase in divorce rates, but men will still think this time its different. That dick will get us into all sorts of trouble.
/r/Divorce_Men16/06/24 02:20 PM
4

Sure, but we're not supposed to be posting links here, just do a quick search, because clearly you don't know, but are making firm judgments, and acting like an asshole about it. Doesn't sound much about you, that you act like but demand from others. But the fact you called what you typed a 'value judgment' makes me think you don't know what a judgment is. And looking at your post history....wow, haha. I'm glad reddit exists people like you. Keeps you away from society. Makes everyone else life …
/r/Divorce_Men16/06/24 02:18 PM
3

I will add I don't think money is much of a defining factor for being able to sleep with tons of women, at least to a point. I know 3 guys in my life who slept with that many women, and none of them are 'successful' in a life sense. One is head chef at a downtown restaurant, one is a bartender, and the other is a Doctor now, but he passed 100 before he left college. The common thing is they were all very good looking, and all had that sort of 'douchebag charisma' that was so similar amongst all …
/r/Divorce_Men16/06/24 01:45 PM
3

Perpahs some of it. There is a definitely a Quality vs. Quantity thing when it comes to what women and men look for. The probably with the former as a mate selection category means if another man gives you her tingles, it by operation damages her opinion of her current man, which will lead to problems. Whereas a man getting tingles from another women isn't thinking less of his wife, but more pumped he's awesome that TWO women find him attractive now.
/r/Divorce_Men16/06/24 01:36 PM
3

It's like someone pushing for abortion solely based on 'incest and rape' argument. Like yeah, that happens, but it's such a small percent you're being disingenous focusing on it. Find better arguments. edit: Yeah, and I don't want to make this abortion or something, just the most obvious example of a disingenuous argument on the level of 'women leave because they're abused!' for the 4x higher divorce rate. And yes, reddit is a disgusting place full of just horrible and pathetic creatures. I am g…
/r/Divorce_Men16/06/24 01:34 PM
3

It's helped and hurt, really. When my ex first did who cheating, thieving, lying, etc, I thought she had transformed into the sort of evil you only see on Soap Operas. Reading studies, looking up stats, and hearing other testimonies I see she is just....a normal woman, with behavior that is for typical, and well with expected parameters. And that's sad. For a lot of reasons.
/r/Divorce_Men16/06/24 01:32 PM
4

As someone whose co-worker tried to monkey branch to me...definitely. To be fair, I kinda agreed with her, but still, that's not an excuse to try and cheat with your co-worker.
/r/Divorce_Men16/06/24 01:31 PM
6

As everything in life, that first step is the hardest. Each step from that point gets easier and easier. Why people think such a basic thing doesn't apply to sex is bizarre, when sex is literally the most tied into our primal side. A non sex example, when I started as an attorney, I'd do anything to avoid a trial as I had never done one and was terrified of what to do. Once I was forced into it, I was much less hesitant the next time, even though I still didn't want to. Eventually I hit a point …
/r/Divorce_Men16/06/24 01:29 PM
7

Well, women who sleep around a lot are statistically more likely to cheat than men who have. Same with having a higher divorce rate, but that makes sense, as cheating is almost always the trigger for divorce. That said, men aren't immune, it just has about half the negative impact on them. So...it's still a negative impact. And yes, men having sex with women not meaning he cares one bit about her is a lesson many women sadly have to learn. And relearn, sometimes. Your 'summary' doesn't match the…
/r/Divorce_Men16/06/24 01:28 PM
8

As someone who worked in family law for 3 years, this is 100% true. I had 100% knowledge that sometimes it was the wifes fault for the divorce, and sometimes it was the husbands. Do you know how many wive's I met who said they did something wrong? Zero. Literally zero. Men, I had plenty who admited they did something wrong. I even had a decent number feel like they messed up when they literally did nothing wrong. You see that here too. The take away? I can never believe a divorced woman. Sure, s…
/r/Divorce_Men16/06/24 01:25 PM
2

At least from my friends on the dating sites, they get tons of matches. I'm not sure if there is a way to tell, but if you yourself as a man are on site for months, and you see the same women still on there for months, lets just say they probably aren't having trouble matching like you. That said, if you're on there for months, it's probably time to stop. It gets worse with time, not better
/r/Divorce_Men16/06/24 01:18 PM
2

Well, that answers, you're just don't understand it at all. Did you know, you can get hit by a car while on the sidewalk, the same as you can get hit by one in the middle of the street? I guess the next time you see someone say 'man, they should not have been in the middle of the street, they probably would not have gotten hit by that car' you'll have to respond 'he could have gotten hit on the sidewalk too' If you don't, you either A. Understand probability/possibility but only ignore it here b…
/r/Divorce_Men16/06/24 01:11 PM
2

I've been hanging out with the friends wives, and as such, their single friends, and yes, I can confirm they get just endless thirst sent their way.
/r/Divorce_Men16/06/24 02:43 AM
1

That's good. Losing half of your stuff sucks, but you can recover. If you get stuck paying a SAHM (not sure if she works) half your paycheck every month, that can mean having to basically live somewhere you can't effectively have kids at.
/r/Divorce_Men16/06/24 02:41 AM
1

It's funny how being a whore evolved during the modern enlightment. Like, back in the day it was 'The sun rises because we do sacrifices'. And science is like 'no, it's because the earth rotates on an axis while orbiting the sun'. So, basically, we acknowledge the phemonma happens, but now we can actually explain WHY it happens. But for promiscuity, instead of explaining why it's happens and why it's bad, they just deny it's a thing, and if it does exist, it's great! But for the downside of bein…
/r/Divorce_Men16/06/24 02:34 AM
3

From my time in DB, it looked like that was always the case. And the forum would have so many women instead blaming the husband, when really, wife was just a ho.
/r/Divorce_Men16/06/24 01:26 AM
2

Yup, it's why in a stat asking both sides of a divorce, did you cheat, did spouse cheat, 22% of men said they cheated, and 57% said their wife cheated, and for wives 13% said they cheated, and 32% said their husband cheated. But, really, if you look at the stats, women are incredibly reserved when it comes to sex. They get constant male attention, but compared to gay men, also getting male attention, they have sex far far less. It's why when their is the rare man in that 2-5% that will get every…
/r/Divorce_Men16/06/24 01:25 AM
3

Yeah, it's hard to get worked up about online dating flaking. I mean, it's zero effort on the guys part too.
/r/Divorce_Men16/06/24 01:18 AM
2

Or simps. We have a number her. I know, I don't know if divorce makes us this way, or men with these tendencies get divorced at a higher rate. I've seen some stats for the latter, but no study really wants to talk about 'simping' so it's hard to get hard data. I know, I was one too at the start. I think most of us are, at least the first few months
/r/Divorce_Men16/06/24 01:17 AM
8

Literally every single woman I know has lied about it. The things women say when you spend a lot of time one one one with them not in a relationship and they stop lying....it's scary. But, there is a reason they lie, because they know it's not a good thing deep down. It's why folks don't go bragging about whatever their fetish is; they know despite cries of kink shaming, being a brony or whateve is bad
/r/Divorce_Men16/06/24 01:15 AM
7

Really? Do you understand the difference between probability and possibility? On anything, or is just for topics that make you uncomfortable you turn reasoning off?
/r/Divorce_Men16/06/24 01:14 AM
-1

It's all just true, the crying and screaming because it makes you feel uncomfortable labels you far worse than what you see.
/r/Divorce_Men16/06/24 01:14 AM
3

Haha, no, that means those other men did NOT choose her. It's the opposite of vote of confidence. And yes, men will ALWAYS try to sleep with women. It's always running in a mas background processes when talking to a woman, no matter how irrational it is. It's why men treat women better, and why jobs interacting closely with men increases divorce rates, as every man a woman interacts with has that process running. Basically, a man has almost no bar for sleeping with a woman.
/r/Divorce_Men16/06/24 01:12 AM
15

Well, lets just say there is a reason divorce rates track with number of partners.
/r/Divorce_Men16/06/24 01:11 AM
0

It is definitely another way a woman's mind works differently than a man, especially in a relationship. (the further you get from a relationship and sex, the more similar they become, but when sex is at hand, it's basically opposite.) There are other logical fallacies like the above that all combine to make it seem really bizarre, random, and evil to men, but for ladies, it's just natural, no ill will meant.
/r/Divorce_Men16/06/24 01:10 AM
1

That's the smart way, you never start the negotiation at what's 'fair' as the human brain just doesn't work like that. I hope the at-fault goes well, at the very least, if it's anything like my state, if she cheated, she should be barred from Alimony, which is the real life ruining outcome of a divorce for a man. (though proving it in a court of law is very different than getting personal confirmation)
/r/Divorce_Men16/06/24 01:08 AM
9

Thanks. When I write one, I feel like I'm slapping that stupid simp I was the first year after she cheated. God I hate that man. If it helps anyone here stopping being that way for even one less day, it's worth it
/r/Divorce_Men15/06/24 08:57 PM
13

My firm opinion is, if Person X withholds info from Person Y because X believes if Y knew, Y would make a decision that X does not want Y to make, that is immoral. And serious relationships are huge. Nothing except children (which this lead too) will consume as much of you. Lying to get someone into one is awful. And yes, lies of omission are lies too, legally and morally.
/r/Divorce_Men15/06/24 08:00 PM
1

Hmm, I can actually meal plan and eat the same cheap, healthy meals every day that are easy to make and clean. While married, wife required variety. Every day what to eat was a topic of discussion. And it money. Now, I can just marinate some chicken rice and carrots and barely spend money and build muscle and cut fat.
/r/Divorce_Men15/06/24 07:30 PM
2

Better than when she left? Oh, definitely. She was having a 10 week affair overseas (I didn't know, she just told me she needed 'time to think') lost 70 lbs and half my hair from stress, got laid off, and had her take all our money. Better than before she went on that overseas trip? Nah, not yet, but I've got an interview on Tuesday that if I get it would put me back to where I was before she left, and in a new city, so hoping it works out. Gained back my weight and hair over the past two years,…
/r/Divorce_Men15/06/24 07:24 PM
1

You can find them, we're not supposed to post links here. Better question; what will you do with those stats? Don't jump straight to avoiding the truth. It's a bad look
/r/Divorce_Men15/06/24 07:16 PM
3

Haha, I literally did that too. Those $60 buck shoes were a lot for me, but it was a big moment. She had taken our entire bank account during her affair trip, and I had literally zero money. But I scavenged what I could with pawning stuff to get enough for them so I wouldn't embarrass myself at my new job.
/r/Divorce_Men15/06/24 07:09 PM
1

Yeah, in general, community property states and equitable distribution states play out the exact same. The latter gives judges more ability to go rogue, but they don't like to do that anyways. Interferes with golfing.
/r/Divorce_Men15/06/24 07:07 PM
0

Marriage is short enough, and money close enough, probably no alimony. Any shared accounts you have will be split. House....probably just buy out of half the increase in equity since marriage. I doubt 3 years and no kids was enough to convert that to marital property, so long as you didn't do something stupid like put her name on the deed. Any investments, retirements, 401k, probably need to be split for 3 years as well, if she gets a lawyer involved, you probably will. Other stuff you own, prob…
/r/Divorce_Men15/06/24 07:06 PM
5

You can. It just takes time. You have to understand, it will get better over time. Some days will be bad, you'll have lows, but if you look at it like 'first year compared to second compared to third' you can see your average day is better. You also don't have a choice. You wife is only talking to you until she's positive the new dicks won't pump and dump her immeditately. As soon as she feels secure with the new dick in her, she'll stop talking to you. If she comes back, it's because the new di…
/r/Divorce_Men15/06/24 07:03 PM
10

Yeah, we have a lot of guys who keep asking the same question, refusing to understand what it means. He'll probably wander into the rest of reddit, which is quite literally a place of cuckoldry, and get the re-enforcment he needs to ruin his life like them.
/r/Divorce_Men15/06/24 07:01 PM
20

Yeah, me deciding to be 'it's just a number' burned me hard too. There's a reason divorce rates scale with number of partners. But my partner was also dishonest at the start, but I've learned women are never honest about that, because despite society being al 'yar, slay queen' every women knows it's actually a negative thing to be a whore.
/r/Divorce_Men15/06/24 07:00 PM
14

She probably did at some point, but it's a women thing. When they get tingles from another man, to reconcile not being a bad person (a whore, literally) they have to brainwash themselves to think everything about their previous husband was bad. Because if he was good, and the marriage happy, why, that would make them an awful person. And they can't handle that. But they also can't NOT hop on that new dick. Tingles man, those can't be wrong, right? So you're the bad guy, and she never cared about…
/r/Divorce_Men15/06/24 06:59 PM
2

Agreed. Simping and Rage are the two enemies in divorce. She left because she cheated, and the tingles have fried her brain. You need to get the Seperation Agreement signed before the affair fog wears out and she realizes she was just being used as a hole by other men.
/r/Divorce_Men15/06/24 06:52 PM
7

No, it depends on the men. For the right man, she'll bring food over to his place on her own, fuck him, then leave. You are not that man. You might be for some other woman, but not any of the ones you've mentioned.
/r/Divorce_Men15/06/24 06:48 PM
5

Yes, she is already having sex with other men. She was at the very least talking to them before she left, and overwhelmingly likely to already be fucking them. No, she's not coming back. And if she does, it's because the men she's let fuck her won't take care of her, she has no money herself to take of herself, and no friends and family will support her. She will continue fucking other dudes, just this time she'll wait until she's sure she has somewhere to stay before she leaves. Yes, it gets be…
/r/Divorce_Men15/06/24 06:47 PM
2

Haha, me too. My friends used to always rag on me because my wife would have brand new Chanel shoes, while I'd have holes in mine. I get a decent pair on sale for $60 to start my new job after she left, was the first thing I'd bought for myself in probably 4 years.
/r/Divorce_Men15/06/24 06:39 PM
4

Also, women have a quality based mating system, men a quantity. A women who 'levels up' and starts getting attention, by operation of nature subconciously loses attraction for her husband as attraction to other men increases. A man is 'dumber' and will feel good some lady finds him hot, but also still find his wife hot, as his monkey brain thinks he can have it all.
/r/Divorce_Men15/06/24 06:37 PM
1

80% of the time the wife is the one who leaves. A man who decides to get married has a 4x as high chance of his spouse divorcing him, compared to a woman who decides to get married
/r/Divorce_Men15/06/24 06:35 PM
4

This is very accurate. Most women I see treat their husbands worse than literally anyone else in the world, while a majority of husbands I see treat their wives better than anyone else in the world. Something about marriage does it, as wives 100% lose sexual attraction to their husbands over the first 5 years of marriage, and that sexual attraction is what keeps them 'nice' at the start. Another reason dating a women at the start is so amazing, but marrying can awful be horrible, even though it'…
/r/Divorce_Men15/06/24 02:07 PM
2

I've been an attorney for a mortgage company, and sometimes I'd have to be answering the calls and explaining to guys just how dumb they were and why they're screwed now when stuff like this happens.
/r/Divorce_Men15/06/24 02:03 PM
3

The tax thing won't be an issue, but what will be an issue is your name will still be on the loan. That means at the very least, you'll unlikely be able to qualify for another loan for yourself later, as you will still have 100% of that loan payment count against your DTI (debt to income). Worst case, if she misses a payment, it will wreck your credit too. Sadly, with the massive whiplash from the lowest rates ever to rates higher ever than pre-collapse, and our good ole 50% divorce rate, a lot …
/r/Divorce_Men15/06/24 02:01 PM
2

I've sadly found Church's (and those who make them up) some of the biggest challenges God will find on earth
/r/Divorce_Men15/06/24 01:42 PM
11

If a woman leaves like that, it's to get new dick. She was definitely at the min already talking and planning it, and the majority of the time, already doing so, and the leaving is to indulge more in it. When they get new dick, they're done with you. The only reason they ever 'come back' is because they aren't able to currently take care of themselves, either not enough support from friends, new dick taking care of them, or divorce proceeds. If she comes back, she will continue fucking other men…
/r/Divorce_Men15/06/24 06:01 AM
6

In my state, they can charge up to $10 per notarization. My seperation agreement had 3 spots for us both to sign, so it ended up being $60 for me to get it notarized. Banks will often do it for free.
/r/Divorce_Men15/06/24 03:12 AM
6

If you think God had anything to do with, I don't think you've really got a handle on the lore. That said, yes, I've met plenty of utterly horrible 'Christians' (even on here) who are exactly the sort of people Jesus says will find themselves on the wrong side despite 'saying the words' their entire life. My ex and I were always very tepid religious people, the sort who show up right before service, leave right when it's over, don't talk to anyone else, or go to an extra events, and usually miss…
/r/Divorce_Men15/06/24 01:38 AM
1

Sure does. Everything he said is 100% correct, but I can understand the bitter message he delivered it with.
/r/Divorce_Men15/06/24 01:35 AM
1

For me (work wise at least) anxiety is caused by things left undone.....but the reason their is anxiety is because I can't do it but will be held accountable for not doing it if that makes sense. Like, if there is something at work I need to get done, I do it. But frequently, it's something I just can't do, but my boss won't understand that, so I'm going to get some heavy shit for something completely beyond my ability to influence. It's the anxiety in preperation of that moment, I guess.
/r/Divorce_Men15/06/24 01:26 AM
3

I think it depends a lot on how your marriage was. A lot of guys here describing their marriage, I'm not sure why it lasted as long as it did, so I can see why they're happy. If it was a happy marriage that ended suddenly (which means cheating) I can understand.
/r/Divorce_Men15/06/24 01:12 AM
2

Sadly, your situation is the most common one, even though it's always denied. Just how the wiring is
/r/Divorce_Men15/06/24 01:10 AM
2

Def, but typically they way they 'speak' online is often a giveaway. The tortured logic when you see what they think helps you understand too why our exe's acted the way they did, so in a way, it's also a help
/r/Divorce_Men13/06/24 02:08 AM
2

Pretty much how I feel. Everywhere I go I'm typically the only single guy as my friends are in the small children phase of life, but I stopped carrying how I appear. I'm sure I am thought of as the divorced loser, but whatever.
/r/Divorce_Men13/06/24 02:07 AM
1

Emotional Distress is a non-starter, especially from a man. Courts hate that sort of thing. What you need is an attorney yesterday, as that timeframe you described is not something you have to consent too. Damage is done there, but it's best to start fixing it.
/r/Divorce_Men13/06/24 02:06 AM
2

When it has a 3% interest rate in a hot market (Atlanta), yup, it was one concern was to hang onto it.
/r/Divorce_Men13/06/24 01:47 AM
4

No attorney for me, but I took a lopsided deal to keep the house. A 'fair' judgement at court would have had me walk away with 28k, and her with -4k. However, due to likely not getting that without attorney's, I ended up to keeping a house with 35k in equity and 35k in debt,, and her walking away with 40k. Brightside, house in the two years since has gone up 55k, and I was able to take 35k of that out to pay off the debt, so while I'm still behind, it gets more in my favor every day.
/r/Divorce_Men13/06/24 01:42 AM
7

It took me almost a year to accept it was over. But I think I knew the night she cheated, even though I didn't know at the time she was cheating. She was two weeks into a trip overseas, where we had been facetiming day and night, and texting in between. She told me during our nightly facetime that she was going out drinking with friends, and wouldn't be able to text like she normally was. I told her have a good time honey, it's fine. During the cab ride there, we had been texting, and I get a 'T…
/r/Divorce_Men13/06/24 01:39 AM
1

Hmm, I'm about 2 years, 3 months out. Not yet having greater success than before the divorce, but to be fair, most of that is due to a lay off unrelated to the divorce. About 6 weeks after my ex cheated and went silent on me, and the day after she said she officially wanted a divorce, I got laid off the literal next day. I was making 115k with great benefits at the time. In those 6 weeks of silence she drained our bank account of all 22k. We had bills to pay, so I took the first job I could get,…
/r/Divorce_Men13/06/24 01:35 AM
1

Those words are always such BS, becasue you know when a woman is having the most sex? The start of a relationship. You know what men do at the start? Very little. Later, when a man has dedicated his whole life to his wife, in every aspect, she'll use those terms as a reason for no sex, when before, a dinner and some dirty texts would mean a night full of sex. But there is a lot of obvious BS spotted when justifying actions.
/r/Divorce_Men12/06/24 05:11 AM
1

It's the level of thinking that produces. When you see the thoughts laid out like this, you start to understand 'oh, if this is how it works in their head, I guess I can see why they act the way they do;
/r/Divorce_Men12/06/24 05:10 AM
1

I wished the legal system saw it that way. As is, haha, no, someone can lie or 'change their mind' and hurt you and there is no reprecussions, and society will support said evil and downplay it. Sounds familar
/r/Divorce_Men12/06/24 05:09 AM
2

It's hard to figure out. We have hard statistical evidence that wives' lose sexual attraction to their husband across the board, regardless of their husbands attributes. What those influence to degree is the severity and speed of the drop, but it still drops. Note the reverse was not shown with men consistently losing attraction to their wives. It makes me think due to being so uniform, it's just a biological thing. Something about...security? maybe? Is just a huge turn off, even though it's wha…
/r/Divorce_Men12/06/24 05:08 AM
2

The beginning of a relationship with a woman are very much the best parts. It's a shame it doesn't last, but I can understand guys who have the ability to 'cycle' through if they're not lookin for a family
/r/Divorce_Men12/06/24 05:05 AM
2

That said, while most aren't professional gold diggers, we have a 48% divorce rate, plus whatever % of the remaining 52 are 'unhappy' marriages to show the risks involved for men
/r/Divorce_Men12/06/24 05:01 AM
2

Yeah, I think a professional 'grifter' is very rare, where they intend to divorce and take their things. What I think is much more likely marrying a man later in life you're not really attracted too but has a good income, and eventually cheating and leaving. Not planned, just the naturally conclusion to that decision I have two friends on that track right now.
/r/Divorce_Men12/06/24 05:00 AM
4

What I have learned from literally every single women when I've gotten additional information on their sex life, it is ALWAYS more than is told.
/r/Divorce_Men12/06/24 02:18 AM
2

Hmm, I viewed it as a win to keep the house because 1) We had just got the house, we put 10% down, and when you sell a house, you're looking at losing close to 10% lost in transaction costs just to sell the thing, meaning we'd basically get nothing back, and; 2) We got the house In Feb, and by the time she was ready to 'officially' move out in July and wanted to sell the house, the housing market had been going down for two months, and would continue to do so for another 10. We'd have sold the h…
/r/Divorce_Men12/06/24 02:17 AM
2

A few, and there probably won't be any more added to that, hah. If all I wanted was sex, I'd increase that number, as they were very DTF. Nurses and Teachers as well are always known as careers to avoid in your long term partners.
/r/Divorce_Men12/06/24 02:11 AM
6

I'm a little more than two years from the when she cheated and left, and totally, totally understand that wake up feeling when the reality hits you like a truck. I remember being in a constant state of what you described, a cocktail of anxiety, stress, fear, grief, every second of every day. It would be on my mind, until I passed out form exhaustion, and when I woke up, I remember that moment everyone morning, where within seconds reality would hit my again with it and it would be back. It was p…
/r/Divorce_Men12/06/24 02:05 AM
3

Yup, the talk of 'pre-nups' is very similar to 'just don't married on paper' type talk. Basically, not very practical if your goal is to actually live and interwine your life with someone else. As for pre-nups, they'll really just do a good job of protecting pre-marital assets. Buying a house during the marriage, like the above talked about? Not going to work well there.
/r/Divorce_Men11/06/24 05:27 AM
8

I feel you. I too got married in 2015 (met in 2012) to my wife, who acted fully loyal, wanted a family, was great to me, etc. She left in April 2022, and since then, I've not found a woman like her either. I also think how in March 2022, my life had never been better. Got a big raise at work, was making 115k, when a year prior I had only been making 75k. We had just bought a gorgeous house, and as we finally had the house and the money, we could finally start the family we'd been talking about f…
/r/Divorce_Men11/06/24 04:31 AM
2

If he already has kids, there's a good chance he's not interested in the whole marriage 2.0 thing anymore. I had a woman want more from me after 2 months, and while I really liked her, I'm not in a position after my divorce to do that, so I ended it so she could find a guy who did want to do the whole marriage thing in a timeframe that worked for her.
/r/Divorce_Men11/06/24 03:19 AM
2

Best case to make it enforceable in court if she tries to go back is to pay for an attorney to review the docs to make sure it's favorable for her to sign. But I'm sure an attorney will tell her she can get much more from divorce, so you might just want to take the risk she follows the agreement before realizing how much she can really get out of you
/r/Divorce_Men11/06/24 03:17 AM
1

That's a double reddit logical fallacy everyone on this site, sadly. 1), thinking that possibility matters more than probability and 2) acting like their possibility has more weight than any other possibility Say something that makes someone feel uncomfortable, they will counter with 'well, it could maybe be this' not understanding that it's a useless statement, because it could also be this, or that or this, or literally anything. Rather than focusing on what is overwhelingly most likely, just …
/r/Divorce_Men11/06/24 02:42 AM
3

Yeah, though would've preferred if she didn't bankrupt me in the process, haha.
/r/Divorce_Men11/06/24 02:09 AM
4

Always need to protect yourself, really. I had zero money when my ex started going out with me (literally unemployed and living with my mom) but doesn't mean when the inevitable attraction fades, she won't act exactly like the lady in OP's story.
/r/Divorce_Men11/06/24 02:07 AM
2

I'd add women don't stray because a core need isn't being met. They just do it because many are just whores. That 'my needs weren't being met and I kept hinting?' that is just literally lies and them re-writing reality in their head so they don't have to feel like a whore
/r/Divorce_Men11/06/24 02:05 AM
2

Yup, my ex cheated on an overseas trip, told me she wanted to move to back with her AP, and moved in with a friend until she could get enough money from divorce to move there. It didn't even take two months for the AP to be publically posting himself with a new girl, and my ex probably new sooner.. Which I knew he would do, so I thought we could 'talk things out' as she kept saying she 'needed time to think' Turns out she hadn't even waited a month to get on tinder and start getting fucked by ra…
/r/Divorce_Men11/06/24 01:59 AM
2

Definitely, though my two times with young woman, at least they like going places where it's too loud to talk, and when it's time to leave, they just want to fuck.
/r/Divorce_Men11/06/24 01:57 AM
1

Oh, I wasn't talking about preventing cheating. Studies have shown wives, regardless of any factor, lose attraction rapidly for their husbands after marriage. And that attraction is what keeps them from cheating. I meant more about what creates it in the first place. Good looking guys can get laid easy, even if unemployed. Other men are like OP described, and worthless if they don't have a job and assets to 'win' a prize who will cheat on them later.
/r/Divorce_Men11/06/24 01:56 AM
1

While I don't know if doing 'feminine' things causes the sexual attraction drop (I'm on the side it does, and studies do show a small impact) it most definitely won't help, even though every woman I know whines about it, even my friends wives who literally do nothing. Studies have shown wives almost universally lose sexually attraction for their husbands after marriage, and while somethings can slow that, it really just looks to be their nature. That said, I agree, my divorced friend with two ki…
/r/Divorce_Men11/06/24 01:50 AM
17

If a wife who cheated 'changes her mind' it's only because the new dick she fucked that made her want to leave won't take her in, and none of the other new dicks she's been fucking will either, and she doesn't feel she has enough money on her own + with divorce proceeds to have a decent life. Then she'll come back just to make sure she actually has a place to stay before leaving. She wont' stop fucking guys though, she just won't bail right away this time.
/r/Divorce_Men11/06/24 01:43 AM
5

Hmm, my wife drained our bank account to zero when she left, and I was laid off from work the next day. I was making 115k, and had to take a job paying 75k within weeks to just keep the house. We also had 35k in debt, which I also had to pay, and a big loan on the house, as we had got in not even two months ago when she left. The only reason I had somewhere to stay was because she left and moved in with a friend, as in our state we have to live apart to start the divorce timer, and she didn't wa…
/r/Divorce_Men11/06/24 01:42 AM
20

You don't try to wrap your head around it, is the way. Or I guess, understand that you can't understand it with 'logic' as she didn't make this decision from a logical perspective. And she's not telling the truth about 'lying for years' or whatever. Some guy gave her tingles, she wrecked her marriage over that, and then she re-wrote reality in her head to make it so she's a victim and tried to work on her marriage but it just wouldn't work with you, so she just had to fall on new dick. Until you…
/r/Divorce_Men11/06/24 01:26 AM
8

I wouldn't say I've found happiness, but the pain is much less, and I'm close to finding peace. But I'm similar to you, ex cheated, destroyed our life for various new dicks, and divorce has been finalized for about 6 months now 20 months of process. I get the 'am I better?' feeling, but I can look back and see, yeah, I am, compared to how bad it was at the start. Also have done a few dates, but nothing really to recapture the relationship that died. Also stuck in a dead in job I took due to bein…
/r/Divorce_Men11/06/24 01:24 AM
1

I don't know, if you got to 60 then everything blew up, at least you had the family life? For a guy in his 30's, that family life is a much more of a dream than the 60 guy having some fun later. Not divorce, but my my mom died when dad was 65, and I definitely think it was easier than if she had died when he was 35,
/r/Divorce_Men11/06/24 01:19 AM
4

Yup, me too. A little head, about 26 months since she left due to cheating. You hit those first few months on the head, it was get up, sit down, back to bed. Lost almost 70 lbs and half my hair during that period. But you're right, it gets better. Anytime I'm feeling down, I think back to how I felt a year ago, and even two years ago, and I can tell I'm making progress.
/r/Divorce_Men11/06/24 01:16 AM
1

Yup, I think it's a few things. It's also how having sex and letting men do what they wouldn't let their husband do makes them feel like the man banging them is better than their ex husband, as why else would they let this man do that to them, and that means they made the right decision in leaving him.
/r/Divorce_Men11/06/24 01:07 AM
2

For most men, yeah. There's a reason when things are reduced to just appearances, only about 5% of men are actually attractive based on dating app data. So, unless you're one of the rare few who can just text women and they'll come over for sex, what you said is true. (I've known a few of those men in my life, it's just different rules they live by)
/r/Divorce_Men10/06/24 03:19 AM
2

Yup. I held on for over a year thinking if we just could sit down and have one honest conversation, she could understand our marriage was great. That conversation never came, and the entire time I was waiting for it, she was getting fucked by other men. And I can assure you, even if you can't bring yourself to believe she was cheating pre leaving, she is definitely having a ton of sex right now, and it will have the same effect on her ability to come back (ie she can't after new dick). No one ha…
/r/Divorce_Men10/06/24 01:34 AM
5

That's always the case. Very very few people are truly anti-sex, they just want sex with a new dick.
/r/Divorce_Men10/06/24 01:32 AM
11

I have browsed enough of the dead bedroom sub to see that it was always the case. The wives still wanted sex, just not with their husband, and frequently, they had cheated but stayed in the marriage and that was a reason for the dead bedroom.
/r/Divorce_Men10/06/24 01:30 AM
10

I think we all have that story. And as so many of us have it, I think it's just a biological thing, not exactly intentional ill will. It's why I think it's BS when women say they lose attraction because their husband stops trying to 'date them' after marriage, when everything I see is we guys did barely anything at the start and get tons of sex, then give everything after marriage and get treated like dirt.
/r/Divorce_Men10/06/24 01:29 AM
7

The sad thing is, you even see men here who have bought into that with the 'it was over for years and was planned' or 'women give up on a marriage years in advance'. When really, what makes it over is getting tingles for a new guy. Maybe it took years for her to get into a position to act on those tingles, or she gave up on the marriage after flirting with other men who gave her tingles, but rest assured, it's the tingles from other men that kill the majority of marriages.
/r/Divorce_Men10/06/24 01:27 AM
3

It helps end a marriage, if that's what you mean. It's a shitty way to end it though.
/r/Divorce_Men10/06/24 12:39 AM
8

There's a reason divorce rates correlate with said baggage. It really makes people upset you can't unring that bell, but it's just the truth, and acting like it has no meaning and is 'just the past' will get a man into serious trouble. First hand experience here.
/r/Divorce_Men09/06/24 09:40 PM
5

No, no one would, but it's much like saying 'would you get married if you knew you would get divorced?' Everyone know divorce is very common outcome to marriage. None of us think it will happen to us. We've all heard stories of wives not wanting sex with their husbands, but no one thinks it would happen to them. Much like divorce, if you had to sign something that says 100% 'hey, 3 years in, sex is done' I can't imagine many folks would do that.
/r/Divorce_Men09/06/24 09:39 PM
2

Yup, the personality change really has no other cause other than cheating; at least none I've ever seen. And I've seen plenty of cases where it is caused by cheating. That whiplash is a sure sign something is going on. For me, it was a guy who joined her IG suddenly. I had no clue who he was, and while my ex was careful to never post him on social media, he was posting things on his IG showing it, especially when combined with things her friends posted. Like she wouldn't post anything, but her f…
/r/Divorce_Men09/06/24 09:37 PM
4

Basically, women and men end relationships about the same rate when dating, when both have the ability to walk away easy. However, in marriage, women leave 4x as often as men. I think part of that is (there's a lot of moving parts, I know) is like the poster above me said; options are attractive, and a married man sorta doesn't have options, really, as it's painful to leave. Lack of said options makes him less attractive, and easier for his wife to leave. I've read some studies showing benefits …
/r/Divorce_Men09/06/24 09:33 PM
2

I guess depends on what is meant by 'feasible'. It's certainly possible without much effort if you want too, at least for a woman. A very attractive guy could do that as well without much trouble at all. Unless we mean 'feasible' as in 'why would you want to do that?' in which case...yeah, I guess. I have friends, both men and women, who blow that number away. (more women than men though)
/r/Divorce_Men09/06/24 05:52 PM
5

Yeah, at 35 I was dating at 25 year old, and there was a pretty clear generation gap. Only lasted about two months.
/r/Divorce_Men09/06/24 05:36 PM
2

I think that's for appropriate relationships. Like, could introduce without shame to friends. If he just wants to go degenerate on it, I think we're thinking more in terms of legality
/r/Divorce_Men09/06/24 05:35 PM
1

Asking probably wouldn't help. A few ways it would go. Most likely, she just lies. My ex lied until I had pictures. Then she lied more. And then I showed her more pictures. And she lied more. Then I showed her even more pictures. Then she shut up and got angry at me. She might also just go into detail on it. And really, you don't want to know the details. That won't be good for your head. I wish I didn't know the details. I still get nightmares about it sometime. You do need to know it happened,…
/r/Divorce_Men09/06/24 05:33 PM
1

Honestly looks about right. If that's 'fair' is another story, but it looks like 'common practice'. (I've no familiarity with OK legal system personally, just NC and GA). Adding up incomes and dividing by 2 in general isn't an uncommon alimony set up, so that would be 8600 for both of you, so you each should get 4300, so, 1300 from you to her makes sense for 800 after taxes.
/r/Divorce_Men09/06/24 05:28 PM
2

Well, if you look at divorce stats, 89% of the time infidelity is stated, and that's always the 'trigger' moment. So...'whore' is probably too generous a term. But, to be technical, it's never 'wrong' to say 'irreconcilable differences' because yes, that's always the case in same form. If it was 'reconcilable' divorce wouldn't be happening. Plus, divorce things are public record, and you don't need to air personal business in there.
/r/Divorce_Men09/06/24 05:20 PM
2

There's a reason men leave relationships more often than women when not married (not by much, but still) but women do 4x as much after divorce. The mere fact of having options makes men harder to leave. It's stupid. I know. It's just how it works. Oddly enough, it doesn't work as much the other way. Sometimes even a negative
/r/Divorce_Men09/06/24 05:14 PM
22

The moment a woman cheats, she invents a fantasy in her head of her being the victim who tried so hard to save the marriage, and had no choice but to fall on another man's dick. It's sickening.
/r/Divorce_Men09/06/24 05:12 PM
8

This is exactly it. She's wants to do the same thing, she's just unhappy it didn't work out and she'll plan it out better next time
/r/Divorce_Men09/06/24 05:11 PM
3

And I generally find that's what is said, as a justification, to avoid accountability. I've seen that same tale, over and over again, proven false. And if you honestly think about 'oh, I hinted and nagged before I did the worst thing ever to him' you'll start to see what it really is. And it's not good
/r/Divorce_Men09/06/24 05:09 PM
1

Sorta. You can agree to whatever you want, and if you both follow it, sure. If one stops following it, and you want a court to enforce it, not so much. Like, Child Support a lot of states won't let a MSA bar.
/r/Divorce_Men09/06/24 04:01 PM
2

Dang, she wanted nothing and got less, haha. Nice.
/r/Divorce_Men09/06/24 03:59 PM
1

Oh, they're not helpless. It's a crime that takes two to commit, and both are sinning. But, we're also human. We're animals. Enlighten era thinking has been a poison to us, thinking possibility matters more than probability. And the truth is, the more a women puts herself into high infidelity situations, the more likely she is the cheat. What I mean is, if your wife goes for a power walk every day, she's much more likely to cheat if the cute neighbor goes for a shirtless run at the same time eve…
/r/Divorce_Men09/06/24 03:58 PM
5

Agree with everyone else, if you're just in for fun and you're done with trying to have a family, go for it. If you want to have a family some day, and just want a ho phase, maybe set some boundaries, but if it's just you and pleasure now, indulge.
/r/Divorce_Men09/06/24 03:50 PM
5

Yes to the leading questions, haha. You can't say it out right, but if you phrase it properly and the atompshere is right, they'll start telling stories about how they broke up with their college BF because he wasn't successful, spent months touring the world riding dick, got a call from him while at a hotel with another guy saying he's got a career, he's serious about life, can they get back together now, and she says she's visiting a family member, but they'll talk when they get back. I asked …
/r/Divorce_Men09/06/24 03:48 PM
3

Yes, and what starts that mental preparation is another man. Something may get them to that point, but that's what begins the tearing down of her current man in her mind so she's not the bad guy for doing something wrong. Sometimes, maybe there is some justifiable reason for this behavior. Maybe he doesn't work anymore, just stays at home, plays games, smokes weed, and is rude to her. Almost always, though there isn't, and the solution the few times there is isn't betrayal, but being an adult an…
/r/Divorce_Men09/06/24 03:42 PM
2

So true. Even my really close friends who are women (the ones I've known 20+ years as close friends) were like that. I wish I had never really told my friends, and followed less advice. (as an aside, said close friend who wanted blood would cheat herself 14 months later, and basically acted after leaving the exact same way my ex did).
/r/Divorce_Men09/06/24 03:34 PM
3

Yup, at this point, it has to happen, and best if it happens on your terms. I'd also make sure you let everyone know why you're doing it (she cheated) because she'll be lying and you want the truth out there first.
/r/Divorce_Men09/06/24 03:32 PM
1

Unless it's one of a very few states, 'proof' of infidelity really isn't necessary beyond making it so the husband can finally stop denying reality to himself. And even in the states where infidelity 'matters' it's only to alimony, and need hard evidence of actual sex acts. And judges hate it either way
/r/Divorce_Men09/06/24 03:31 PM
3

It's a standard cheater phrase, they have to justify why they're not actually a whore for acting like a whore, but somehow actually being a whore was a noble thing to do (even though they weren't totally being a whore don't say that) I know that's crazy, but it's the socially acceptable thinking of the subject.
/r/Divorce_Men09/06/24 03:28 PM
2

Sorta. Men are always coming onto women, regardless of signals they send out. A good wife minimizes her exposure to those, and denies it when she can't. A bad wife entertains it, and the ball starts rolling. And I'll just say there is a reason different jobs have different cheating rates. Exposure to the opposite sex will wear that down. That's why someone who understands situations matter and to avoid them matters so much. Even 'shutting it down' what you're supposed to do, doesn't walk away wi…
/r/Divorce_Men09/06/24 03:21 PM
7

I'd give kudo's if she led with that. That's the whole issue. She lied (lies of omission are lies legally and morally). OP himself said he would have ran if she told him early on. She knows this, that's why she didn't say anything. Withholding information to manipulate someone into a relationship is immoral and a huge red flag. And that's beyond the red flags that come with fucking over 100 people
/r/Divorce_Men09/06/24 02:38 PM
4

I'll also say this in general; if someone withholds information from you because they believe it would make them less likely to go out with you, that's incredibly immoral and has huge consent issues. The fact society thinks it's normal to behave immorally doesn't make it moral, or change how red those flags are.
/r/Divorce_Men09/06/24 02:37 PM
1

Now, they do negative things, get praised for it, but if you call it out or say the negative thing is a bad thing to do, society attacks you.
/r/Divorce_Men09/06/24 02:31 PM
3

100%. My history and recent friendships over the past 3 years with women have taught me they ALWAYS lie about their history, even in things like this. As if, despite their cries of 'slut shaming' they know what it really means, and it's not good.
/r/Divorce_Men09/06/24 02:30 PM
9

Yes, new dick is ALWAYS the reason for divorce. (The exceptions are rare enough someone is wasting their time and being disingeous even bringing it up). The reason she started even thinking of divorce is because some guy came onto her, and she got tingles. Once she got those tingles, it was poison in the marriage and started destroying it. Without that guy giving tingles, they'd stay unhappy in the marriage if they were, but most of the time, they aren't even unhappy. It's all the tingles.
/r/Divorce_Men09/06/24 02:29 PM
5

Yup, happened to my ex as well. She didn't want to come back, but she switched from 'I don't want to talk to you ever again' to 'I need time to think'. I didn't understand women then, so I took that at face value. Time to think mean 'time to go sleep with as many men as I can, and maybe one will take me in' and once she found one to take her in, back to 'I don't want to talk to you ever again'.
/r/Divorce_Men09/06/24 02:27 PM
7

My friend, she is definitely cheating. I know it's been months of people telling you she is, and you saying she's not. You'll have to accept it some day if you ever want to start healing
/r/Divorce_Men09/06/24 02:26 PM
9

Yes, no one fucks as quickly or as dirty as a separated women. Everyman they fuck, every act they do they won't do with their husband, re-enforces in their mind they made the right decision to leave and are not a bad person for doing so. Yes, that's how it works in their mind. And yes, I've become friends with a lot more women post divorce (I didn't have close women friends while married for 10 years, for obvious reasons.). It's horrifying the stories of their past they'll tell you once they fee…
/r/Divorce_Men09/06/24 02:25 PM
6

100%. No women leaves, then sleeps with men. It never happens. They don't even think of leaving until they meet another man who comes onto them and they start thinking about having sex with him. It's LITERALLY the other man that starts destroying the marriage. All this divorce stuff starts at that point. Maybe, maybe something the husband does puts her in a mindset to be receptive to the massive sexually advances women have all day. That's debatable. But the leaving doesn't happen until the new …
/r/Divorce_Men09/06/24 02:23 PM
13

100%. It's a psychology thing on many levels. One is the standard 'forbidden' thrill, another is the 'new dick energy' women get which is why relationships with them are exponentially better at the start. But, particularly for women cheating, the utter biological aversion to accountability means they need some extra mental hurdles when cheating on a husband. Letting the new guy do things she wouldn't let the husband do shows the new guy is 'better' than her husband, as if he wasn't, she wouldn't…
/r/Divorce_Men09/06/24 02:21 PM
6

It's different, for women. Well, that's not true. It's different for those who want to get fucked by men. Look at the sex stats for gay men, and it's off the charts. Basically, women are actually incredibly reserved when it comes to sex compared to men, the only reason for a straight man it seems high is because we don't have the same level of access too it they do. When men do have that same access (like gay men do) we blow them away
/r/Divorce_Men09/06/24 02:17 PM
15

God no. The only reason she would ever want to get back to you is if she realized she didn't plan the exit out enough, and the dick she left you ever pumped and dumped her. She'll do the exact same thing again, except this time, she'll just fuck and not leave until she's positive the other guy is leaving right away. Then she'll leave you again. And she's not hurting. Not at all. Cheaters aren't hurting. They're bad people, doing about the worse thing you can do to someone, considering their posi…
/r/Divorce_Men09/06/24 02:16 PM
5

I mean, don't have to run, but dear god, do not marry.
/r/Divorce_Men09/06/24 05:28 AM
9

I'd advise against. I 'made peace with the past' and that's why I'm here, haha. Red flags are red flags for a reason, if I had listened to what everyone says not too, I'd be better off
/r/Divorce_Men09/06/24 05:28 AM
5

Well, at the very min, statistically for women at least, it tracks heavily with divorce rates. The other conjectures you can draw from it (and you can, saying you can't is....well, it's not smart. Most behavior, body count or otherwise, says a lot about us) are less firm. But, I'll just say, the divorce rate increases for a reason.
/r/Divorce_Men09/06/24 05:27 AM
2

Much the same way women all seem to respond the same way to new dick, from what I've seen, men tend to respond the same way to how wives act when they get new dick. Basically, simping seems to be the norm, even though it's literally the worst response possible. Lasting a year or two isn't uncommon. But yes, stop it. It's always an awful thing to do, even outside divorce.
/r/Divorce_Men09/06/24 05:00 AM
4

This. Good people don't cheat. And...that's what causes most divorce.
/r/Divorce_Men09/06/24 04:57 AM
2

Yup, my ex walked out in July, and buy August, I basically couldn't talk about it to friends and family any more. I'd say it took about two years for me to mostly get over it. Haven't hit year 4 yet, don't know if I get 'fully' over it yet. But yeah, everyone was super supportive at the start, and then I quickly learned to just never mention. Never mention it anyone, really, ever. It's only ever a bad thing to talk about, with anyone.
/r/Divorce_Men09/06/24 04:56 AM
2

I just don't understand the 'seeing other people' thing that happens right now. Tells me right off the bat if anyone ever engages in that, they are never, ever someone to marry. Shows their core character how they approach a relationship.
/r/Divorce_Men08/06/24 04:55 PM
4

Ouch. I had a friend whose husband was cheating prior to marriage, luckily she found out in a few months and broke up. He's now married to who he was cheating with. No clue why he didn't just break if off with my friend if he was planning on marrying the other girl anyway. The women I was dating didn't want marriage per se after two months we were together, but was talking about getting engaged and married and kids, definitely by a year. Granted, she's 31 (I'm 37) so I get times a factor and rel…
/r/Divorce_Men08/06/24 04:46 PM
8

I don't know, it's rough. I had a good relationship for 9 years, but one solo trip was all it took for my wife to get new dick, and well, we know what that does to a marriage. It's hard to say 'just avoid those signs next time' as up until that trip, she always avoided infidelity situations. Heck, she even said before she left she was 'worried, as we hadn't been away from each other for more than week since we started dating' and idiot I was told her it would be fine, she'd be staying with her a…
/r/Divorce_Men08/06/24 02:45 PM
1

I mean, it's just the truth, haha. And those people don't marry thinking it would fail; they marry thinking their divorce let them find their 'true' love and was worth it.
/r/Divorce_Men08/06/24 05:32 AM
3

Definitely could be. I often drop 'i'm a lawyer' as we have lots of legal stuff here, and that probably makes me a target for these
/r/Divorce_Men08/06/24 02:05 AM
2

I've been a few different kinds of attorney in my 12 years, and none of those ever wanted to go to court. I'd always try and talk out of court....mostly because it was never profitable or best for me, the attorney. Some firms out there are equipped for litigation, and they may want to live in a trial day to day. For the places I worked, trial would always be more expensive than our clients would want to pay, and would take time away from maintaining non-litigious clients who would make us way mo…
/r/Divorce_Men08/06/24 02:03 AM
1

Hmm, my state, a MSA can't waive child support. So, if she's just wanting my CS from you, I know that's an option where I'm from, as it wasn't something you could do in the first place. In general, you 'challenge' them the same way you do post/pre nups. Basically, if attorney's weren't involved in drafting and reviewing on both sides, they are vulnerable.
/r/Divorce_Men08/06/24 02:00 AM
4

I've had a few message to chat, and not knowing any better I replied, but became clear quickly it was a scam. Anytime someone wants to know what I do for work as like the second question they ask they reveal what they are
/r/Divorce_Men08/06/24 01:58 AM
2

Yup, I still get that, seeing things I think she would like, or places she'd like to go, and take a second to remember she's not there. Heck, the first time I got a bonus at my new job after I got laid off the day after she left, my first thought was getting her something nice, as that's what I always did before when I got a bonus. Takes time to unlearn old habits and forget feelings.
/r/Divorce_Men08/06/24 01:57 AM
1

And many people haven't gotten divorced. It's just about 75% chance, 25% of the time it works out. If losing out on the 50% chance the first go round didn't work, if you feel fine trying it again with half the success rate, doesn't mean you will fail. Just that you probably will.
/r/Divorce_Men08/06/24 01:53 AM
2

I agree he shouldn't marry someone with trauma, though one thing I've learned in therapy is that people with trauma/mental health issues don't have to harm other people. It's separate from being a bad person. So if they're harming people, they're still a POS, as that's normally directed inward
/r/Divorce_Men06/06/24 09:51 PM
2

Yup, new relationship energy, especially for women, is a very real thing. The love they give when their mind is fogged by new dick, and hormones are screaming 'lock him down' is amazing. Sadly, it fades faster too. Men's builds a lot slower, and man will often do more for his women once they've been together longer, than the start.
/r/Divorce_Men06/06/24 09:47 PM
1

There is no one quite as DTF as a recently separated wife. Every dick they take re-enforces that they made the right decision to cheat. It's really twisted logic, but it's how it works for their brain
/r/Divorce_Men06/06/24 09:37 PM
1

That's...kinda exactly what it means. Doesn't make it not a tragic thing. But, if we don't care what words mean, we can think anything want want too. Kinda useless talking too each other in that case, though just run on the feels
/r/Divorce_Men06/06/24 09:36 PM
2

Definitely. I'm still not all the way there either. I wouldn't say my wife cheated on her AP, because he cheated on her first, then she had a ho phase before moving in with the current guy. I've not had contact with her since then, so dunno what's going on, but all the above really bothered me as it was happening.
/r/Divorce_Men06/06/24 03:42 AM
3

I mean, it's an accurate statement. Can't un-ring a bell after all. If you want to say 'This cheater might not cheat again' I guess that's a statement, like 'this murderer probably won't kill again' but can't erase the status they rightly earned.
/r/Divorce_Men06/06/24 02:53 AM
2

I'm not sure you're all the way there if that's how you feel. But the best part is, you don't have to be! It doesn't matter, there's no judge out there, we all end at the same place. It's a fact that serves those well who'll listen. And honestly, getting there is probably only going to harm you in the end. There's a reason they say nice guys finish last. On topic, I'm not sure how women handle it, but when women do this with a guy, the man has a hard time accepting it, and any contact makes it w…
/r/Divorce_Men06/06/24 12:33 AM
1

Yup, I can say with my ex who cheated, any interaction at all just set things back worse, and the best thing she could do for me was just never contact me ever again. That wasn't what I wanted at the time, but at the start, it's hard to accept the truth.
/r/Divorce_Men06/06/24 12:31 AM
3

I've been friends with more women post divorce than pre, but not dating any of the ladies I'm friend with the few times I have dated. It's good times, though the stuff women say when they are comfortable around you is disheartening.
/r/Divorce_Men06/06/24 12:30 AM
1

It's the same reason men normally get married. They know their GF will leave them if they don't, and for most men, finding a similar woman is not a sure fire thing. So they think they can 'lock it in' with marriage, when really, it just delays it a few years at best.
/r/Divorce_Men06/06/24 12:28 AM
2

Yup, two of my friends fit that bill. One was bald, the other brown, both which hurt them with women sadly. They were virgins' until mid 30's, but both are engaged right now to older women than them. It's sad, as their great guys and deserved more for all their hard work than to be a retirement plan to a ho, but at least they've had sex, I guess?
/r/Divorce_Men05/06/24 11:14 PM
2

The divorce itself, the cost? Not bad, I guess. Our assets/debts roughly were: 35k Equity in our house 35k in purses/jewelry/collecitbles/etc we had bought her over the years 24k in Marital Debt 10k left of her 23k debt she came into marriage and the 20k she took out of joint account after she cheated. She never worked during the marriage, and I was making 115k at the time. No kids, married almost 7 years. However, my state has rules barring Alimony for cheating. If we went to court and fought a…
/r/Divorce_Men05/06/24 11:12 PM
3

I just made a comment about this, haha. I've yet to see a 'success' story that doesn't involve 'my great new gf!' I get it. It's human nature on many levels to feel this way. One, sex is great, getting sex makes you feel like it's going great. Two, we want to feel there was a reason for a pain, and a new GF makes it all feel worthwhile. But our wives were great to us too once. And the odds give a 40% chance of the 'walk away wife' and cheating we went through. It's about doubled for the next tim…
/r/Divorce_Men05/06/24 10:30 PM
1

It does work!.....25% of time. Not the worst odds, honestly.
/r/Divorce_Men05/06/24 10:29 PM
3

Definitely. The support my ex got from anyone who didn't know me closely was....sad. Someone can steal everything, cheat, lie, and be treated like some strong independent woman. Just shows we have some deep poison in our society.
/r/Divorce_Men05/06/24 10:28 PM
4

And the crowd is all too ready to supply. Granted, reddit is an absolute cesspit filled with some of the worst people, whose only saving grace is they're too pathetic to actually act on anything.
/r/Divorce_Men05/06/24 10:26 PM
5

Might be, but the best place to reach is where it doesn't matter to him whatever she does.
/r/Divorce_Men05/06/24 10:17 PM
9

Definitely. Women's attraction is driven by that image in their mind, not reality. And that image does not stand up to time, in any man. It's partially why it's always so good with a woman at the start of the relationship, but it gets worse over the time, even though you treat her better and better. Like, first months dating? Picking her up from work and taking her to dinner on a Friday after just some texting through the day would get me a BJ in the car and three rounds of sex that night. 7 yea…
/r/Divorce_Men05/06/24 04:54 AM
4

When we bought our house to start a family in, my ex was going to be leaving out of the country to visit family in two weeks for two months. She wanted to get everything done in the house before she left. So we hired a handy man from the internet to help us out, as we basically furnished the entire house through Ikea, and I had my limits on how much I can do, and some of the items were 2 man jobs. We spent 13 hours together converting the 4th bed room into a walk in closest, for example. So I go…
/r/Divorce_Men05/06/24 04:52 AM
2

Yeah...this is just a 'woman' thing, not a 'divorce' thing. It's like getting upset when she says 'I don't want anything' when you go out for McDonalds, and then she gets upset when you don't bring her anything. I'm sure there's more than this, but at least on it's own i'd just chalk up it up to the mandatory cost of living with a woman
/r/Divorce_Men05/06/24 04:45 AM
1

Well, first, don't take a permanent solution to a temporary problem. It's awful, I get it, but the alternative is worse. As it does get better over time. But it won't be quick. It took about one year of my simping (sounds like you're at the simping phase) then another year of just being depressed that everything had ended. It wasn't until then I really started to do better. Also, it won't take 5-8 years, typically at most it's a 12-18 month process, most of which is just waiting. If married for …
/r/Divorce_Men05/06/24 04:42 AM
4

This is so accurate. It's been my exact experience with dating as a 37 year old man trying OLD for the first time a bout a year ago. -All the women want the top men, and they will literally just come over to his house and bang him. No effort expended. One of my friends, 32 and a bartender, good looking and in amazing shape, just on his pictures alone gets women to regularly come over. Take away? If they're not doing that for you, they're not attracted to you, as that's what they're doing for men…
/r/Divorce_Men05/06/24 04:39 AM
1

I'd say that what confirms she's cheating. That sudden change in behavior, to start treating you awful when she didn't before, that's caused by cheating. She has to feel she's doing the 'right thing' by cheating, and if you're a good guy, she can't feel that way. So she treats you bad, as if you were a good guy, she would treat you good, so if she's treating you bad, you must be a bad guy. It's same with why they will have much more sex with the new guys (plural intended) and do far sexier thing…
/r/Divorce_Men05/06/24 04:29 AM
2

Agreed. The change an attitude comes from the cheating, and the cheating is why they leave, every time. But I get it. Almost every man doesn't want to admit that, even though it's necessary to move on. I was like that too
/r/Divorce_Men05/06/24 04:25 AM
1

I hope you get there eventually. I was like you too, the first year. You can't understand how she thinks your abusive, because it's what she's saying to justifying sleeping with other men. The guilt isn't yours to bear, but I understand accepting how hard a life is over. We can't imagine they could do something so awful, but they did and they do. All the time.
/r/Divorce_Men04/06/24 03:20 AM
9

In my experience, an 'amicable' divorce means the husband just bends over.
/r/Divorce_Men04/06/24 03:15 AM
1

Even then, I dunno. I am a lawyer. I did family my first 3 years out of law school. I should have got an attorney, if only to have someone willing to push the boot down rather than simp through it like I did.
/r/Divorce_Men04/06/24 02:39 AM
1

Yeah, my ex thought I was going to file eventually, as she cheated, basically took everything from me, and went no contact after. A year of no speaking she broke just to serve me and was angry I hadn't started the process.
/r/Divorce_Men04/06/24 02:37 AM
2

Haha, I didn't go quite that far, but I had a client telling me stories about that happening to him. He's really bad about it, he was also paying another woman's rent and crap, all the while she's with other men. I mean, i guess they do it because it works enough.
/r/Divorce_Men04/06/24 02:36 AM
3

Yup, it's usually both. Wife lies about the cheating (the reason she left) and the lie she told on why she left (husband abusive and controlling) is not true. Reconciling really isn't an option, I'm afraid. Trust me, I wanted it for two years, even though I knew past the first it's just not how it works. You think it can, because you think she could see it like you do, but she can't. If she did, she wouldn't have had it in her to do what she do in the first place. Just like what she did to you w…
/r/Divorce_Men04/06/24 02:35 AM
5

I'll say as someone whose had personal divorce experience, experience from friends and family, and three years in family law, I've never seen a wife admit to fault in a divorce. Not once. Many times, I have personal or professional knowledge that yes, she was at fault. More often than not, actually On the flip side, I've seen many men admit to fault in the divorce. I've also had personal and professional experience where they admit fault, but they were not at fault at all. What's this mean? When…
/r/Divorce_Men04/06/24 12:51 AM
1

Hopefully your attorney can give you a good answer on that one, as it's a question they should field every day. Based on my experience with NC family law, not really. Best case generally would be to scale what she makes part time to a full time position. But even that's not a guarantee.
/r/Divorce_Men04/06/24 12:32 AM
4

Man, if I hadn't had someone pull that line on me, I'd have thought it was a meme. I didn't go out on a date, but to even message stuff like that, haha.
/r/Divorce_Men04/06/24 12:16 AM
3

Two months might be enough for some, but it certainly wasn't enough for me. My first year was wasted in a simp phase, refusing to understand the mind of a whore. Spent a year of depression after that, which should have probably been for half the length and started right away. It got better after that, but it took time to get to that point. So if you feel bad after two months, that's completely normal.
/r/Divorce_Men04/06/24 12:08 AM
1

Definitely, sooner is better when it comes to divorce. Less man to lose, and more time to regain it. Better years to start over. I feel there's a hill at somepoint, like maybe a divorce in the 60's might not be as bad as the early 40's or something. But I haven't thought that through enough.
/r/Divorce_Men04/06/24 12:07 AM
2

Yeah, you have to bait the hook at least a little.
/r/Divorce_Men03/06/24 11:41 PM
1

This is the accurate response
/r/Divorce_Men03/06/24 11:36 PM
3

There's a reason it's so recommended here. Not my personal cup of tea, but I see the appeal. I'll agree on the therapy though. It wasn't much help for changing or anything. I did it for a year, and it was mostly just nice to have someone to talk too, as the divorce stuff wasn't something I had anyone else to open up too about.
/r/Divorce_Men03/06/24 11:29 PM
3

Oh, 100% agree. Like, a woman can find a decent undamaged man in his late 30's, just because he's not conventionally attractive, but otherwise, is a great guy. I've had multiple friends be that guy, and I've not really thought it was fair that's how life turned out for them. Not saying most guys single at that age are like that, but they're out there in a noticeable number But you're right, as women have the attention, it's much much harder to find a 'missed' woman, so if she's still single at t…
/r/Divorce_Men03/06/24 11:23 PM
1

Err...I'm happy it seems to be helping you, but be very careful of thinking any thoughts like 'love' about this situation. I don't know if it's the most moral thing to use someone else to move on romantically, but she seems to be consenting that arrangement, just...keep it at that. And ideally not for much longer
/r/Divorce_Men03/06/24 11:14 PM
1

I feel when folks want to say stats like that don't matter it's like 'okay, that's a valid stance, but you're going to have a hard time not being a hypocrite on saying stats don't matter in other areas of life'
/r/Divorce_Men03/06/24 11:11 PM
1

Only for a few states, and it's a rough sell in court unless you have HARD proof. And trying to get it post separation I've never seen happen in my 3 years practicing.
/r/Divorce_Men03/06/24 11:07 PM
3

I'm in Real Estate now, and I've had some Sellers like this, where I can see why they're selling, and how much it hurts. It's not much to here at the bottom, but it gets better. You've already been getting better. It's just an impactful event that's brought you some memories back and brings you low. But it's just for a bit, and it's not as low as you were when all this started.
/r/Divorce_Men03/06/24 11:04 PM
2

Engagement rings really are a scam, haha. At least the purses I got her during the marriage sold for as much if not more. I doubt she even got 2k for the 10k ring we got.
/r/Divorce_Men03/06/24 10:58 PM
1

I mean, if she added it to the settlement that's a boon for you, as it's 100% hers anyways, so if that got you anything from her, nice.
/r/Divorce_Men03/06/24 10:57 PM
6

Hmm, my ex left about 5 weeks before our Anniversary. I sent her the same Bouquet I had proposed to her with 9 years ago. She threw it in the trash. So...don't do that, haha.
/r/Divorce_Men03/06/24 10:56 PM
5

I'll just say for your update, I thought the same. My ex was the same way, new friends, fast relationships, and thought it was just very quickly after, not during. Well, partially right. The new men weren't there before, but you know the short shallow relationships? There had been one that ended the marriage but didn't even last long enough to see her leave. But that's all it took for the about face change. Also, sleeping with random women won't 'get back at her'. If she left you, she won't care…
/r/Divorce_Men03/06/24 10:55 PM
1

Exactly, it's the 90%+ a new dick is the impetuous for leaving. Maybe something else got them to the position where they started being open to other men's advances that they used to ignore, but it's once they get the new dick that sets off the exit. And you're right, these other dudes just want to get some dick wet, and while I'm sure they understand that, I'm not sure the admit it.
/r/Divorce_Men03/06/24 10:54 PM
4

It seemed when younger, you could have a good year or two of appreciation before it started moprhing into expectations. Older women I've been on on dates with seem to want to start a relationship at the 'expectations' phase which is a real buzz kill.
/r/Divorce_Men03/06/24 10:51 PM
8

Ooh, yeah, I have a friend's older sister like that. She always resents the men she dates. Like...just don't date them if you hate them so much.
/r/Divorce_Men03/06/24 10:49 PM
4

Marrying a women really into travel, it's a really red flag if earnestly meant.
/r/Divorce_Men03/06/24 10:48 PM
1

I've had some friends get married via the apps, but that was about 5 years ago they met. I have a friend right now who does very well on them, but you're right, he's not using them for dating.
/r/Divorce_Men03/06/24 10:47 PM
2

Yup, men have the same issue, but to a slightly lesser degree. But basically, anyone who makes it to late 30's and is single likely has pretty big issues. Even if the issue is just 'short and awkward' for a guy.
/r/Divorce_Men03/06/24 10:46 PM
5

I'm pretty sure you can get attention from men without acting like a 'whore' if that's what you're getting at. I have noticed women doing just fine without. The men who only notice you because you're acting like a 'whore' are probably not men you want noticing you anyways.
/r/Divorce_Men03/06/24 10:44 PM
6

Been my experience. Older women have less to offer, want to give a smaller % of that, and expect much more than younger women will (and I'm sure they were the same when younger). I've had a few bizarre expectations, that I couldn't imagine a woman I'm dating ask me back in my early 20's when dating. That said, the younger women I've been on dates with, while good times, they didn't really want those to be exclusive times, so I'm guessing at some point they might just be the same way.
/r/Divorce_Men03/06/24 10:43 PM
1

Oh, definitely, 1st time divorce is in the 40's, so 50% would put it about that. It's probably more like 55% increase, and it's easy to see why. Humans always get better at doing something they've done before, even negative things like divorce, and folks are often not in the best decision making spot. That said, at least 20% it still does work out, and those aren't the worst odds.
/r/Divorce_Men03/06/24 10:41 PM
2

Of course, there's a difference between doing the best always you can with a situation, and pretending something bad was actually good. We can always overcome, but it would be better if we didn't have too. And if you need something bad to happen to do Step 1 and Step 2, I think something was wrong there already.
/r/Divorce_Men03/06/24 10:39 PM
1

I agree. I also think people have a really hard time accepting there was nothing good about what happened to them, no point but pain. And a 'new love' can make it feel like all that pain they went through had meaning. and if brought them together with their 'new love' it makes the divorce not hurt so much anymore. But like you said...all they learned was how to get better at it.
/r/Divorce_Men03/06/24 10:37 PM
1

You talk about a situation where 'moving on' means they're sleeping with someone else, have details in there that basically support that, and then this what you respond with? Good lord you are stupid. and PS. it's to get the exact reaction got; it bothers you so much because it strikes at something you know inside. And it is really, really awful behavior, and shouldn't be shielded and that icky feeling you get inside when thinking it might apply to you is right. Maybe add #4, a ex wife acted lik…
/r/Divorce_Men03/06/24 10:33 PM
1

It's a few things working. One, the proven again and again wives lose attraction to their husband. With the associated corollary that any new guy who they accept his sexual advance will have her attraction to them set at its highest, as it's the start. And then the giving the guy what she wouldn't give you makes her feel 'right' about her decision to cheat, as why would she do that if this wasn't the right decision?
/r/Divorce_Men03/06/24 10:32 PM
1

I don't think anyone ever said divorce is fair, haha. But yeah, it sucks.
/r/Divorce_Men03/06/24 10:29 PM
5

If it makes you feel better, you probably didn't do anything 'wrong' per se. We're just humans, none of us are perfect, and cheating is a pretty horrible thing to do. None of the normal human imperfections amount to justification for it. Totally get the fear and pain of signing the papers, even when there's no other choice and nothing to lose. The reality of the situation is sad. It's always sad when a family dies. But you're right, it's certainly an ebb and flow process. Same days you'll feel r…
/r/Divorce_Men03/06/24 03:55 AM
3

I agree. I really hate how every 'success' story I see, if you read the entire thing, has a '....and I have a hot new GF, better than my wife' buried in the wall of text somewhere. And that's the reason they feel 'successful'. I'll just say, there's a reason 2nd marriage's have a 50% higher divorce rate.
/r/Divorce_Men03/06/24 03:13 AM
5

That's how it goes with, sadly. My wife did the same, left everything to be with a 'travel agent' who lives with his mom and was in another country. She tossed away everything she loved, playing piano, her streaming, golfing, etc and focused on trying to start her 'new life, for her own happiness, and she would throw anything away and cut anyone out of her life to be free'. Before she could even finish selling everything here to fly back to 'be with him' he had already moved on to other women. I…
/r/Divorce_Men03/06/24 02:58 AM
1

Yup, homes are one of the easiest things to get converted, which sucks, because for most of us, it's pretty much are only worthwhile asset. Inheritance usually is separate if not co-mingled, but two months before my ex cheated, I used my 50k I got to put a down payment on a house. Woops for me there.
/r/Divorce_Men03/06/24 02:56 AM
4

It's rough, but even if you wanted to forgive, once she's been with another man, she can never respect you to be in love with you again. The 'best' case you can hope for is she utterly fails to find anyone else to support her, and she comes back to use you until she can leave 'the right way' this time.
/r/Divorce_Men03/06/24 02:52 AM
1

The engagement ring? Nah, it counts as a pre-marriage gift to her, thus is her separate property from pre marriage not subject to equitable distribution, and no real way I've ever seen for jewelry pre marriage to be converted into marital property, let alone an engagement ring.
/r/Divorce_Men03/06/24 02:50 AM
1

I agree it's best to find a new church; contact with the cheater is about the worst thing you can do. Is it wrong to run you out of your church? Well, yes, but if they were concerned with doing wrong they wouldn't have done what they did. So-so on the judgment, depending on the church, their can be quite a bit of support for this sort of thing. I guess the kind of sermons this time of year would be a good judge of how they'll react.
/r/Divorce_Men03/06/24 02:33 AM
3

It's definitely an ebb and flow process. If you could plot your depression on a daily basis, some days it would be higher, some lower, but if you drew a line through it to track the progress, you'd see it's definitely not as bad on average as it was at the start. First year I was just in full panic'd simp mode, second year was mostly depression/mourning, and this 3rd year I've finally started making strides. I've had more progress in life the past 3 months than I did the prior two years, and loo…
/r/Divorce_Men03/06/24 01:34 AM
1

Definitely. While I find the premise absurd (falling on dick isn't like something that just happens) I've still never seen a woman admit to regretting it. Obviously, it happens, but you're right, it does smack of a guy LARPing some cope.
/r/Divorce_Men03/06/24 01:29 AM
1

Yup, it's not uncommon to still have to pay some child support, even with 50/50 custody. The 'reasoning' is since one party makes less than the other, but the kids are both responsbility, even if the kids are split evenly, one party will have to pay the other so the kids can keep the same standard of living when bounching back and forth. Reality doesn't play out like that all the time, but at least a method to the madness
/r/Divorce_Men03/06/24 01:26 AM
9

Legally, once she said 'I do' it's hers. You could ask for it back, and if she was decent she might give it, but if she was going to be decent to you, probably wouldn't have done what she did in the first place. I spent 10k on ours, and she wouldn't even tell me what she did with. I didn't mind her keeping it, just wanted to know what happened, and all I got was the same answer she gave to everything 'I don't have to tell you anything' If it makes you feel better, they resale for basically nothi…
/r/Divorce_Men03/06/24 01:23 AM
1

Hopefully your lawyer can advise you on how much it'll be, and the best way, if any, to mitigate it.
/r/Divorce_Men02/06/24 11:38 PM
5

I was a prosecutor for three years. We punish as criminal a ton of activity that is way less harmful than adultery. But for this harm, we reward it, and much of society supports. Something got very twisted along the way.
/r/Divorce_Men02/06/24 11:35 PM
1

Yup. I'm sure someone out there has a wife who left him, he has no clue why, and she's not been with a man for years after, as she really did just want to better herself. And I mean like, not sleeping with men, I've many women, my ex included, boast of how long they've been 'single' which really meant 'slept with a lot of different dudes'. I haven't seen it yet, but I'm sure it's happened to someone. But chasing that unicorn will do real damage to a man, and there's enough pain in these as is. I…
/r/Divorce_Men02/06/24 10:47 PM
1

This is probably the most polite and accurate way to describe what happens when a wife cheats and why it means the marriage is dead.
/r/Divorce_Men02/06/24 09:53 PM
4

When my wife cheated, and I finally broke it to the friend group, I had one friends wife who was super harsh in her judgment of her and how she acted, more than even me. When she cheated on her husband 15 months later, she acted the exact same way my ex did.
/r/Divorce_Men02/06/24 09:31 PM
2

Typically, I've seen the 'new guy' give far less of himself, and get far more, than the husband that was cheated on. (Typically the 'new guy' isn't the initial guy she cheated with either) My take on it is it almost justifies her mind her decision to leave. Like, if this guy doesn't do that much for her, and she fucks him way more, clearly, it's because her old husband was that bad, and bam, she made the right decision to leave. It's such twisted thinking
/r/Divorce_Men02/06/24 09:29 PM
2

I mean....your lawyer? They'll be the advocate for you in court. It's their job. Some of them are very good at it.
/r/Divorce_Men02/06/24 09:25 PM
2

It's funny/sad/comforting how all of stories are so similar. When it first happened to me, I thought this was the sort of crazy that only happened in bad movies. But I see know, that's just life
/r/Divorce_Men02/06/24 09:23 PM
1

Certainly a possibility, depending on how involved she was in the church.
/r/Divorce_Men02/06/24 09:09 PM
1

Yup, my ex hasn't spoken a word to even her own family since she left. The saddest part is they still love her and will support her, they just won't say she did the right thing. And even that small recrimination, that 'we love you, but you did a shitty thing' is too much for her. My best friend cheated on his wife (unlike my wife, I'd say he had at least 'some' reasons, but they weren't enough.) Even though I let him stay with me while he got his life together, and still treated him like a frien…
/r/Divorce_Men02/06/24 09:07 PM
3

Well, I can see exactly what you are. You aggressively in based on a situation you knew nothing, supported a terrible position, doubled down, then did the most basic thing of hiding your bad nature and hoping if you ape the words, it will work well you when the time comes. My wife only talks to people who don't know me (like those in our church) and literally hasn't spoken to anyone we knew together, because they know what she did and who I am. You know nothing but hate, which you can't even adm…
/r/Divorce_Men02/06/24 09:00 PM
5

Yup, totally. Wife left in July 2022, ended contact Sept 2022, divorce wasn't final until March 2024. Had three contacts during that time frame, Jan 2023, April 2023, and Sept 2023. Each time, things would get better a bit, well, more numb is accurate, then spike negative shortly after contact. The divorce itself in March 2024 did a similar thing, sent me sad again for a while. But three months out now and doing better again. And this time, there won't be anymore contact ever again, so should ju…
/r/Divorce_Men02/06/24 08:56 PM
6

Yup, in a moment of weakness, my ex admitted she had been telling everyone who didn't know me closely that I was abusing her. And the people who did know me closely, even her mother for example, she just stopped talking too.
/r/Divorce_Men02/06/24 08:52 PM
4

I'd prefer you don't, you clearly don't understand a thing about Christianity. I don't need anyone encouraging me to out and sin and because it makes me feel good. Which is the literal position you are arguing.
/r/Divorce_Men02/06/24 08:38 PM
10

The sad thing is, those 'reason's aren't even the reasons, just something to say so they don't have to say the real reasons, which is a man came onto them, they got tingles, and wanted new dick. But you're 100% right. Women are celebrated for ending families over new dick. Men are rightfully vilified if they do the same. The level of support my wife got for cheating, like, the actual act of cheating, from friends, family, the church, co workers, etc, was staggering. A real eye opener.
/r/Divorce_Men02/06/24 08:28 PM
1

Similar me, my wife, right up until the night she cheated, was always good to me. One new dick though was all it took for a total switch flip. I still think of those 9 years with fondness, even if she's treated me utterly horrible since she cheated.
/r/Divorce_Men02/06/24 07:54 PM
2

Yup, during separation I'd do the same. She didn't want to see me, unless she needed something, and without failure, I was there. Then when I was really sick and couldn't get out of bed, I texted her, she wouldn't even text back, let alone come help. Had to get through the night then uber to Doctor first thing, haha.
/r/Divorce_Men02/06/24 07:53 PM
8

Yup, leaving the state is a big deal. Even with the leeway women get in Family courts, from my 3 years there even mothers wanting to take kids out of state weren't successful if the father fought against it.
/r/Divorce_Men02/06/24 07:51 PM
2

I wish it wasn't the case, but studies and testimony kept showing that was the real reason behind divorce the further I went down the rabbit hole.
/r/Divorce_Men02/06/24 07:48 PM
6

I 100% agree. I think it's just a cope I see in divorce. And reading a lot of divorce testimonials, the cope (on both sides) is just...staggering.
/r/Divorce_Men02/06/24 07:45 PM
5

There's nothing worthwhile in you to get back too, but considering where you come, I can understand your warped take. And the church doesn't exist to say it's good to steal from a man if it makes you happy, to kill a man if it makes you happy. To encourage ANY behavior, so long as it's true to yourself. Which is the level of reasoning you're arguing for. In addition, brush up on some basic reasoning as well.
/r/Divorce_Men02/06/24 07:42 PM
5

Which, part the 'we've grown apart' reason given to friends and family, but the 'I've got new dick in me' actual reason. Or the 'I'm going to act like your dirt, wait I need you I'll be sweet, wait, i'm good now, back to hating you?' It's widespread enough it definitely has biological roots, filtered through society.
/r/Divorce_Men02/06/24 07:10 PM
11

Every person I know IRL who has divorced parents said it made their life worse. I'll see people on here say it was for the best for them, but then you read the post history of those folks and its...yeah.
/r/Divorce_Men02/06/24 07:08 PM
4

You have misunderstood greatly, if you think sinning is supported. The sinners, yes. Supporting their sin? No.
/r/Divorce_Men02/06/24 07:07 PM
3

I mean, she really likely is. My ex? No one would ever suspect what she did based on just talking with. She's treated literally no one else in her life like she did me. And I've seen plenty of stories from the few women I've had months worth of just us 1-1 conversations. Just done some really heinous things to a prior partner, but other than that, super sweet nice women you'd never know. It's just...it's a weird thing for women in this regard. It doesn't make them bad people in their life genera…
/r/Divorce_Men02/06/24 05:54 PM
1

Yeah, divorce is one of those things the earlier it hits you, the better it tends to be. As it was for me, at 34 my ex pretty much took everything, leaving with just a house with no equity in it. But, that wasn't a ton of money, as my career was still in the rising stage, so no pensions, retirement, or anything like that to take. We met when I 25, married at 28, and at 30 we had a rough year in our marriage, and hindsight it woulda been great if I just walked out the door then.
/r/Divorce_Men02/06/24 05:50 PM
2

I'm 37, and I guess I'm just the first one the divorce bug got (hit me at 34). We've had one other divorce a year later, so I imagine as the years role by I'll have 'company' haha. I'm sure I could find a new friend group of singles. The group I hang with is just sorta my two best friends I've had since 5 years old and how they've grown over the years. Most of them are at the 'married with kids' stage, with 2-3 under 10 years old children. So, a lot of the times, I feel kinda like a third wheel,…
/r/Divorce_Men02/06/24 05:42 PM
2

Yup. I ended up stopping going to that church. Still haven't gone to another, been almost two years now. We had been going to that church for about two years, (we moved a lot in the marriage) and the denomination was not the one I was raised with (but I wasn't super strict about it). Just was hard to sit there and listen to the sermons and see how it uh....didn't match up to my life and wife's action. Plus, the support she got from everyone for literally sinning. I feel someday I'll find a new c…
/r/Divorce_Men02/06/24 05:40 PM
5

Yeah, the studies have shown a FAR greater uniformity in what women find attractive than what men find attractive, looks wise. And while yes, women find more things attractive than just looks, those things are far more likely to be ephemeral and lead to 'walk away wife' things. It's funny, people like to tell us looks are just superficial, but really, for long term attraction, it's also the most enduring and resilient to outside influences. Just more lies we've been peddled. You're doing it righ…
/r/Divorce_Men02/06/24 05:31 PM
1

I use blanket statements because people will refuse to acknowledge the 99% and focus on the 1%, which is seriously harmful. I'd rather the 99% understand and make the right decision, and the 1% suffer from a tragic misunderstanding. And 99% of the time, when it's unpacked, you find a new dick.
/r/Divorce_Men02/06/24 05:27 PM
3

She thinks you're disgusting and has no respect for you. She may also think your an abusive controlling ass hole. (It doesn't matter how far fetched that is) It's a necessary mindset to convince themselves of to justify ending a marriage for new dick. You shouldn't care what they think at all, as it's literally worthless and untethered from reality.
/r/Divorce_Men02/06/24 02:38 PM
3

I had a co-worker once who told me how she broke up her BF after college as he wasn't focused enough on his career. She spent the next year literally traveling the world riding cock. She told me he called to tell her he had a great job for 6 months, was serious about life and wanted to get back together. She said she was visiting her sister our of country, but they would talk when she got back. She was in a hotel room with a guy when she took that call. She went back, they got together, and they…
/r/Divorce_Men02/06/24 02:36 PM
3

Man, I've known 3 of those men in my life. If I had never met one before, I wouldn't believe the things I've read about the 'chads' of the world, but it's like they're living a different life.
/r/Divorce_Men02/06/24 02:25 PM
5

Yup. But...that's exactly what women do when they cheat. It's never their fault for being a whore. They want to act like the definition, be recoil at the label.
/r/Divorce_Men02/06/24 02:25 PM
6

I mean, he could have been harsher I guess, but it gets the point across
/r/Divorce_Men02/06/24 02:24 PM
12

Well, the vast majority of time they 'moved on quickly' because they were fucking another dude. That's the overwhelmingly impetuous for a wife to walk away. Especially if it blind sides the man. New Dick is what causes the divorce itself, so of course it 'seems fast' as it wouldn't have happened without it. There are some arguments on husband behavior that contributes to 'new dick syndrome' or whatever, but it gets a little RP for my taste.
/r/Divorce_Men02/06/24 02:23 PM
7

These divorces are literally someone who should be the most trusted and supportive perosn in the world do the most evil and horrible thing that for most of us is greater than all the other evil that others have or will do to us in our life. It deserves so much worse than it gets. It certainly doesn't deserve friendship.
/r/Divorce_Men02/06/24 02:06 PM
10

Yup, I struggled a lot with that, as we didn't have any of the 'issues' I've read in some divorces. We'd had a good 9 years, and then one solo trip with her friends, and it was all over. The literal overnight shift from loving wife to cold bitch had for an entire year thinking she would 'snap back'. I've learned a lot about women since then, and understand it now. It really is the sort of thing society should teach people about.
/r/Divorce_Men02/06/24 02:04 PM
9

It's 100% done once they do this. If you've already been seperated, she's been with other men. She's done with you, the only reason she's with you is to use you until she can move in with a man she respects.
/r/Divorce_Men02/06/24 04:43 AM
6

Yeah, I think that's a 'true' version of monkey branching, using one partner to reach a better one. Many of us had less 'monkey branch' and more 'just a whore' where it was literally just about the tingles.
/r/Divorce_Men01/06/24 11:26 PM
2

You're right, it's damn near impossible not to comingle when married. That's why guys lose half their shit, even things that should be 'separate' property as things can easily shift from separate to marital ,but never shift back. Here, your best case scenario is you have a firm number you can prove the house was worth pre-marriage, get an appraisal of how much it's worth today, subtract the former from the latter, then pay her half of whatever that number. Worst case a judge could very easily sa…
/r/Divorce_Men01/06/24 04:22 AM
1

Nope.
/r/Divorce_Men01/06/24 03:50 AM
1

Well, unless you had a seperate bank account you paid the mortage for that never somehow saw any marital funds...nah, those increaese are martial property, as all the money you earned during the marriage, which supported the upkeep of that house, is marital.
/r/Divorce_Men01/06/24 03:49 AM
2

Dunno, I never forgave my ex. She certainly doesn't feel she did anything wrong, and I don't ever need to do a good turn to her ever again.
/r/Divorce_Men01/06/24 03:48 AM
2

I mean, I guess it's fine, worrying about saying something that'll cringe a woman off is probably thinking with a scarcity mindset, haha. So if you want to, go for it, always more if it doesn't work. You're right on the single moms. Very DTF. Definitely wouldn't want to be in a serious relationship with one, but when you're in that sweet spot where they're trying to find time without the kids and want to make sure it 'counts' by ending the night with sex, it's a good time. They don't tend to wan…
/r/Divorce_Men01/06/24 12:32 AM
2

If you were on FB, and your divorce was made known on there, guarantee you'd have old women in your life coming to kick your tires to see if you had any tread on them. It was hilarious when it happened to me. Secret is to not be like so many guys on here like 'i'm feeling so much better, got a great girl now' who are just literally doing the same shit that got them here.
/r/Divorce_Men31/05/24 11:23 PM
0

He knows the answer
/r/Divorce_Men31/05/24 11:21 PM
3

Err, I don't know if I'd drop a line like that, haha.
/r/Divorce_Men31/05/24 11:21 PM
3

You got it right with 'waves'. That's what it is. It's going to keep coming back for a while. But I'm three years out, and I still get bad days. But if you plot out how bad you are every day and drew a line through the average, you'd notice on the whole, you're doing better each year. It just takes time. But I get it, I can understand my life is better, that I'm in the best shape of my life, that I don't cry every day, or think about her every second. But I still will see flowers at the grocery …
/r/Divorce_Men31/05/24 10:52 PM
7

Yup, I had literal pictures of them in a motel room together. She said they were just talking
/r/Divorce_Men31/05/24 04:08 AM
6

One thing I've learned from my my ex wive's post divorce life is there are endless simps out there for women.
/r/Divorce_Men31/05/24 02:18 AM
2

That's crazy. Gotta be a way to leverage the way higher salaries to break parity compared to places like me, where no one makes that much money.
/r/Divorce_Men31/05/24 02:03 AM
2

Haha, I live in the South, there are no 4M homes in my city, and I live in the largest city in my state. The average home in my county even after the massive covid price hike is the $420k. My home is only worth $530k, but I got in in Dec 2020 during Covid for 365k. The next home on our street sold two months later for 410k. I just live on a dead in street in the Country Club that has townhomes which boarder the golf course, as the mansions here don't do that as they want actual yards, whereas my…
/r/Divorce_Men31/05/24 01:26 AM
3

All the below aside, it's not like I'm 'drowning in pussy' I've been 'dating' for about two years, and I've been with 9 women. But, I was comparing it to my pre 25 self, who from 16-25 was with 3 women, and was trying much more, so for my standards, yeah, I'm doing better 'sex wise'. But that puts me at about every 2-3 months which isn't a ton better than your 4-6. Definitely can see kids being an issue, my ex cheated literally right when we were going to start having kids (and based on a charge…
/r/Divorce_Men31/05/24 12:47 AM
2

It really is. Heck, my dad didn't know he was the affair baby until his 30's, and never knew why he was treated so much worse than his 3 brothers. But yeah, I was dumb and thought if I 'played nice' she would eventually get out of the affair fog and realize how dumb she was being. I did not understand women at all then
/r/Divorce_Men31/05/24 12:36 AM
1

Gotcha, if you secretly wracked up $1000 in credit card debit in the marriage and it became marital debt, and she secretly wracked up $30000, it's the same thing as both are bad. I understand. It's really dumb. It's the sort of thing you should keep to yourself, as it's fine to go through life understanding nothing and being wrong about everything; life doesn't care. But you at least shouldn't let everyone else know you've go those dumb thoughts, for your own sake
/r/Divorce_Men30/05/24 11:14 PM
1

Well, if you don't know, it's hard to talk about it. But yes, going 'both sides do it' is really not smart for matters where degree counts. 'I only did 40% of the chores and golfed on Sundays' is not the same as 'I drained the bank account sleeping with dudes in another country' But you philosophy washes away the latter for the almost nothing of the former. It's much more wrong than the wrong you fight, but you put your energy towards something you profess you don't even know the full story. Why…
/r/Divorce_Men30/05/24 10:32 PM
5

So much this. My ex signed an agreement 6 weeks after I confronted her cheating when she was deep in the fog. Not even a month later the fog broke, and she was pissed at me and thought I had stole the house from her. Women already get drunk on new dick (remember how great the women are to you when you first start havign sex?) combine that with the rush from an affair, and they aren't thinking straight at all.
/r/Divorce_Men30/05/24 10:29 PM
18

I'm 37, so not really the same age. But, I'll say I have a much easier time having sex than I did in my 16-25 range, when I was last single, but either lived at home or room mates, and had almost no money. The flip side is, the women I can have sex with have zero potential to be long term relationships. Lots of broken and bitter women out there for a handsome guy who works out every day with a house on a golf course and a good job to have sex with, but haven't met any who would be a good wife. B…
/r/Divorce_Men30/05/24 10:28 PM
5

My biggest regret was not telling everyone how much a whore my ex was. By the time I had processed and accepted what her being a whore had meant, it had been well over a year, and at that point no one wanted to hear a thing or would change their mind. Wish I never talked too her, and just told everyone.
/r/Divorce_Men30/05/24 10:25 PM
5

It's only for kids. If you want the family thing, hey, you have a 50% chance of it working out, and if it doesn't, maybe you have some kiddos you get to see 50% of the time. If you just pump and dump you won't get that chance, so if having a family is important, you sadly have to take the risk. If you don't want kids, god know, never get married, never let a women move in, just date until they lose their initial brain fog from new dick, and move on.
/r/Divorce_Men30/05/24 10:24 PM
7

In these situations, they're always cheating. With this level of proof, it's beyond doubt. So you know that for certain. You really don't need to know more, and really you son't want too. Trust me, it's worse than what you think, when women do this, they will do stuff they never did with you, because the fact they can be so 'sexy' and 'submissive' to the new man is proof in their mind their making the right choice. Yes, that's insane. Yes, that's how their mind work. You also need to understand …
/r/Divorce_Men30/05/24 10:23 PM
2

Exactly, that's why it doesn't matter how wrong you are anything. God is forgiving and lets that all fade away into oblivion when you die, even if every thought you had was incorrect. It just doesn't leave much room for discussion
/r/Divorce_Men29/05/24 10:54 PM
2

Definitely, I have friends who have admitted they 'settled' with their wives, but still stay devoted husbands and fathers, even though they do dream of more. Some have even acted on that on guys trips. Difference being, they still be the best husband they can, because like you said, guys try to optimize their situation.
/r/Divorce_Men29/05/24 10:36 PM
1

Why do they cheat? Gets into bio stuff basically, reinforced by matter society, but there's a reason there has always been the stereotypes. It wasn't some fairy tale. You should def have that cold heart though. She's not your wife, she's someone whose done the worst thing to you than probably everyone else in your life has or will. There is literally no one in life who should get worse treatment from you than her. As for how AP does this, same as above. Bio things, einforced by matter society, b…
/r/Divorce_Men29/05/24 10:34 PM
4

Def agree, the knowledge she's cheated is what you need to understand and accept. The details you definitely don't want to know. And definitely agree on cheat buds, they may feel they're true love is the affair partner, but once they get taste, they won't stop for a long time. If you want to have sex easy, find a recently separated wife. No one is more DTF than them.
/r/Divorce_Men29/05/24 10:29 PM
1

While I agree women only ever leave if they're banging someone else, I don't think they always 'plan it' at least not long term. I've certainly seen women believe themselves in love with that husband, but get seduced and fuck on a trip and suddenly he's the worst guy in the world. Overnight, nothing planned. New dick just literally rewrites their feelings. They will then certainly say they planned it, just so they don't feel like what they really are, as even with society pushing to tell them it…
/r/Divorce_Men29/05/24 10:28 PM
1

There's a reason divorce rates can vary greatly between careers. Situations people are in matter just as much if not more as one's personal characteristic .
/r/Divorce_Men29/05/24 10:27 PM
1

Definitely. I've been dating the past two years after taking two years off after the divorce, 37 now. Older women are exactly what you said, they want to skip right to max entitlement stage of marriage, without any decline from an appreciaton stage. They've been awful for many reasons, also the 'man hating' in that weird way of 'the men I want won't commit, and i'm going to take that out on the men who will'. Younger women were much better to date, but they sadly were basically just like the old…
/r/Divorce_Men29/05/24 10:26 PM
3

I'm 37, and went on some dates over the past two years. Youngest was 26, and she didn't care I was divorced. I let everyone know up front, but I don't talk about it beyond that. If pushed for details, I just say she wanted to see other men and leave it at that. Now, if you ever talk about divorce, or anything bitter or whiney, yeah, that'll kill the mood dead.
/r/Divorce_Men29/05/24 10:24 PM
7

Move quickly, talk to a lawyer. She's going to be in the affair fog, it's the most critical part. You do want her to know that you know, but don't go screaming or whatever and telling everyone. Too many men waste this key time to get a settlement signed, as once the affair fog wears off and she realized new dick doesn't mean her life is magically better, she'll want to destroy you and take everything from you, as she'll blame everything she's done on you. Most men can't even accept the fact thei…
/r/Divorce_Men29/05/24 10:22 PM
1

I don't think you've seen the other side if you think anything here is comparable.
/r/Divorce_Men29/05/24 10:16 PM
10

So much this. I really wish I saw 'success' stories they didn't literally hinge on '....and I have a new great GF' because 99% of 'success' stories I see, buried somewhere in the wall of text, is that line. And it's the reason they're posting. The sad truth is, almost all of us had our wives treat us like that in the past. That's why we married them. And then they want new dick eventually and we end up here. I get its so tempting to think this new girl is the best, because that gives a 'reason' …
/r/Divorce_Men29/05/24 10:11 PM
3

Yes, delay is not the friend, especially as she's in the affair fog early. You want to get a settlement before she realizes new dick doesn't mean better life. That period doesn't last long, and most men don't even accept the reality their wife is cheating, let alone that it means the relationship is done, before the affair fog wears off. Strike while the irons hot
/r/Divorce_Men29/05/24 10:07 PM
1

Oh, she definitely did. I've been this place long enough to see the initial 'she would never' or 'I'm not 100% sure' from the same fact patterns, and well, it's always the same outcome. Definitely zero reason for her to be there. Her credit score has nothing to do with you. Nothing of her has anything to do with you. Trust me, I know it's hard to get there. But it's literally the only place reason and reality will lead you. I hope you get there faster than I did.
/r/Divorce_Men29/05/24 10:05 PM
2

Eh, don't know if sad, it's just how things are. As long as folks don't get caught up on 'everything is the same' and try to actually understand how the world works. Too many folks with axe to grind would look at that and go either 'see, women are the problem' or 'see, men make them divorce more' when really, something about nature makes women more likely to break vows, and something about men makes people more likely to break vows with them.
/r/Divorce_Men29/05/24 10:03 PM
1

No, it's not, dumb, you might be confused because what you wrote is. But we don't need to talk about it, because hey, there's a possibility it might not be....something. There's no need for discussion on this, or anything, really from that 'view point'. Just...believe what you want, no matter how unlikely. You can take solace in that it honestly doesn't atter.
/r/Divorce_Men29/05/24 10:01 PM
4

Nothing wrong, and you already have two great kids. If you're happy and being good to them, no reason to be in a relationship. From my friends and co-workers who are either single fathers, or dating single fathers, bringing in a new woman definitely seems to have the potential to be less fun for the kids
/r/Divorce_Men29/05/24 03:57 AM
2

My friends have started having children the past few years, and I'm 37. Almost all of them had their first kid past 30. All of them now say they wish they had started sooner. But at that time, I remember. They were too busy having fun. But yes, the expectations of expecting a man to be A Husband(tm) for them at this stage is pretty ridiculous.
/r/Divorce_Men29/05/24 03:54 AM
3

Yup, all of my friends and my therapist try to label my ex with some sort of disorder for the evil she did. But really, her behavior was very 'normal' but folks don't want to accept that. It's easy to 'blame it' on something.
/r/Divorce_Men29/05/24 03:51 AM
8

She slept with another man, if you're wondering. You could have done something to make her more open to the constant sexual advances women deal with, maybe not. But when the 'sudden divorce' comes it's always cheating. Upside is, there is literally no way she can go back to you, even if you would be fine with it. Not wired that way. So you can 'know' what you have to do and start optimizing for the divorced life and doing what's best for your kids. And don't give her anything you don't have too.…
/r/Divorce_Men29/05/24 03:50 AM
5

Sounds like you're on the right path already, which is good. Accepting it's over is really the hardest part, and the cheating is how you know it's over, so if you can accept that, it's great. And definitely you don't want to go down the rabbit hole. It will be worse than you imagine. Wives will do things with the men they cheat they never would with you, as letting another man do that to them will 'confirm' to them that you were the bad guy. Yes, that makes no sense. Yes, they really think like …
/r/Divorce_Men29/05/24 03:48 AM
4

It changed because the other dude. In almost all marriage situations like this, 99% of the time, it's about new dick. There's nothing you can do at this point, and no going back. She's going to treat you like this so she can maintain to herself she's not a bad person blowing up a family for dick that is objectively worse, but she couldn't resist the Tingles.
/r/Divorce_Men28/05/24 10:12 PM
1

When women use it, it's because they're projecting and trying to preseve their image in society as despite the push to accept, they all know it's bad to be a whore. When men say it, they use it as a 'not all women' my ex was a 'narcissist' when really, she was just a normal woman doing normal women things
/r/Divorce_Men28/05/24 10:11 PM
13

I can save you some trouble. Yes, she had an affair. No, you don't want to know. When wives act exactly like how your described, 99% new dick is the cause. You're not the 1%, I'm sorry. And when a wife gets on that new dick, your marriage is done forever. Even if you yourself could come back from it, she can't.
/r/Divorce_Men28/05/24 10:10 PM
13

Checkout some of the other subs for the older dating scenes, and its pretty comical. On the men side, it's a bunch of unattractive simps shocked that even now, when the women are all older and past their prime, none of them still want them despite the simping. On the women side, it's a bunch of women who are disgusted by the simps, but are shocked the men they are attracted too don't want to wife them up, and just use them for sex.
/r/Divorce_Men28/05/24 10:09 PM
1

That was my marriage, I was the only one who worked and did 90% of the chores. She would cook about twice a week and put up groceries, and that was it. I never really resented her for it, but I can believe it. My best friend is in a situation where he is doing 90% of the chores, and he's starting to crack. The difference being, my ex wife was actually nice to me, and his is a huge bitch to him
/r/Divorce_Men28/05/24 10:04 PM
3

Maybe, but if they go out on a girl's night and do some unplanned new dicking after in their own minds being happy, they can re-invent reality in a matter of hours. It's scary how little trust you can put in anything they say.
/r/Divorce_Men28/05/24 03:34 AM
1

I'm not sure what the pre nup is, but a basic pre-nup will just make sure currently seperate assets can't be converted into marital ones. Because despite what people tell you, you stay married to someone long enough, they'll take a piece out of stuff even if they 'shouldn't' have any claim too it, through conversion.
/r/Divorce_Men27/05/24 11:15 PM
1

Pretty much my thoughts, I really don't see the compelling reason for marriage if you don't want kids.
/r/Divorce_Men27/05/24 11:12 PM
5

Pressure to get married is about as red a flag as you can get, sadly. I know, I fell for that too.
/r/Divorce_Men27/05/24 11:12 PM
2

If they truly understood, I don't think many would get married in the first place. Men get treated a lot better in the dating stage, it's why 'breakups' are much more even but 'divorce' is pretty much the property of women
/r/Divorce_Men27/05/24 11:11 PM
1

I do get the 'must be nice' or 'that sounds so fun' when I describe my after work plans to my married friends.
/r/Divorce_Men27/05/24 11:10 PM
1

I agree, though I think if at the point where you want to 'save it' it's always too late. But, showing Strength from the start can help you stop from getting there. It's risky to even start showing 'strength' halfway through, as for a lot of women, once the initial attraction has wore off, and the appreciation has turned into entitlement, it'll just accelerate matters if you go 'strong'. Which is still for the best at that point, of course.
/r/Divorce_Men27/05/24 11:09 PM
3

When this first started for me, I read a lot. Part of it was many marriage counselors. The funny thing was, the constant refrain I heard them all coalesce too was 'men, do more for your wives' and 'wives, your husbands need to do more for you. But you do need to have sex with them every now and then.' But then you go digging into the divorce stats, and nothing backs that up. What does back it up is cheating.
/r/Divorce_Men27/05/24 10:43 PM
4

You're thinking of something she never thought about once. She wanted to have sex with other man, and made her internal reality line up with that. Unless you look at it from that angle, you'll never understand
/r/Divorce_Men27/05/24 10:37 PM
3

While not all experiences are the same, the only smart thing to do in life when having discussions like this is focusing on the probabilities, not possibilities. Focusing on he latter is just really, really stupid.
/r/Divorce_Men27/05/24 10:35 PM
3

Well, the funny thing is, A woman marrying a woman actually divorces her spouse less often than a woman marrying a man. Lesbian divorce rates are just so high because there is a woman on both sides, and women have massively higher rates of filing for divorce. Same for gay marriage, a man who marries a man is more likely to file for divorce than a man marrying a woman. However, men file for divorce far less than woman, so even with both men filing for divorce more often, gay marriage has the lowe…
/r/Divorce_Men27/05/24 10:33 PM
5

This. Men doing chores actually had a small correltaion with increased divorce rates. I doubt it's solely due to chores, but more because a man doing more chores probably makes less money than his wife, which is super tied divorce rates. Anyone talking about chores and divorce is either an idiot or evil.
/r/Divorce_Men27/05/24 10:31 PM
7

Well, the thing is, they are there for hook ups. They don't have rules for the guys they're attracted to. So if a women has rules for you, she's not attracted to you. And nothign worse you can do than be in a relationship with a woman not attracted to you
/r/Divorce_Men27/05/24 10:29 PM
9

After marrying a travel obsessed woman, I see women who have 'travel' as a hobby as a crimson flag.
/r/Divorce_Men27/05/24 10:29 PM
6

It all comes down to new dick, and what that does to women. When you realize it really is sadly that simple, it makes a lot more sense. Also kinda...distressting, but it's reality
/r/Divorce_Men27/05/24 10:28 PM
2

As far as I can tell, at least 40% of divorce comes strictly from Tingles, and literally nothing else. And that's taking the most conservative view of the stats I can.
/r/Divorce_Men27/05/24 10:27 PM
12

100% right. The law makes the man maintain a similar lifestyle for his wife; the reverse is not true at all. But, divorce is pretty evil, so no suprise there
/r/Divorce_Men27/05/24 10:26 PM
1

I don't know if I'm 'motivated' but I just do it. Tell myself that while I'm depressed and don't care now, they'll be a day I'm not, and I'll be glad I ate right, saved money, and worked out when that day comes so I'll be ready to enjoy it than starting the grind then.
/r/Divorce_Men27/05/24 10:25 PM
1

It's a massive part of your life, that is easily described and extremely relevant to any relationship. Lying about something like that is an awful way to start a relationship. And yes, if you fail to tell someone you want a relationship something because you think said knowledge will change how they view you, yeah, no ethics there. Some guys here will go 'oh, women do so much worse, most of us our divorced because our wives lied about being whores' or whatever, which is true. But I don't believe…
/r/Divorce_Men27/05/24 03:28 PM
2

Yup, I was the same. After she cheated over seas for 10 weeks, came back here and said she needed time to think. For 10 weeks I simped, my friends so I was stupid, and sure enough, she was riding the town while telling me she couldn't talk to me right now and still needed to think. It's one reason I sometimes am a bit harsh on guys here when they first post an aggresively talk about cheating. Because 99% of the time, that's what's going on, and the longer you fail to accept that, and what it mea…
/r/Divorce_Men27/05/24 03:25 PM
2

It is really scary. It's incredibly unlikely my ex planning a long term cheating strategy. Things were good in our marriage. All it took was one girl nights out, and that switch was flipped. It's make me understand you can never really be confidant in your wife. Heck , I'd say the 'best' bet is a wife who doesn't want to put herself into high infidelity's situaitons, but my ex didn't want to do that for years, so even that's not a sure thing
/r/Divorce_Men27/05/24 03:21 PM
2

Definitely could be. Makes sense. Stats show these trends are a reality, which is simple, but understanding the why behind the trends isn't nearly as easy. I'm with you though, from my reading, I think when it comes relationships/sex, we're all much more driven by background biologoical impulses than we like to admit, and spend on higher though patterns on rationlizing said impuleses rather than confronting them.
/r/Divorce_Men27/05/24 03:18 PM
1

Yup. that part is also hard for men to accept. We think like 'oh, if we cheated something could still be done to save the marriage!' not realizing cheating works differently for wives. If she's cheating, she's 100% done, there is no coming back. But it does a lot damage, the initial denial that she's cheating, and the follow up denial that said cheating means its over no matter what.
/r/Divorce_Men27/05/24 03:17 PM
1

She definitely 'should' have, but that 'should' is worth...not much really, sadly. People do what people do, without much concern for should. In this case, yes, a wife should never treat a husband sharing his weakness with her like this. In reality, it's a very common reaction, even if it's completely unaware on her part that she's reacting that way
/r/Divorce_Men27/05/24 05:44 AM
1

Well, I guess nature vs nurture kinda is biology, when it comes down to it. And it's widespread enough I'm not sure how much 'nurture' even comes into play. And definitely not all women are. But making decisions based on 'not all' is uh...that's a bad decision making process
/r/Divorce_Men27/05/24 05:40 AM
1

True techincally, but I think for most women it's not....concious really? Like, they don't think you're weak for doign it, and probably really do mean it when they say they want you to share. But it gives them the 'ick' as they say, and they don't draw the connection to where that 'ick' comes from. And that ick kills your marriage dead, but they won't ever realize it was doing what they asked for that caused it
/r/Divorce_Men27/05/24 05:39 AM
2

The issue with that is, they express this hate for men by....sleeping with different men. Often men who, by any reasonable standard, do everything they 'hate' about their husbands and 'men' in general far more than their husband
/r/Divorce_Men27/05/24 05:36 AM
6

I'd say so. Honestly, I can't imagine not being up front about my divorce with any potential date. Like...first conversation.
/r/Divorce_Men27/05/24 05:02 AM
4

The total personality shift that happens the moment your wife gets a new dick is something most husbands struggle to understand. It's really not liked to talked about, but it's key to understanding and moving on from this evil
/r/Divorce_Men27/05/24 05:01 AM
3

It's really the safest choice. The most common 'worst case' if they can track and prove it is giving her share over.
/r/Divorce_Men27/05/24 05:00 AM
10

100% cheating. Sadly, if you leave your wife alone for two long (heck, like even two weeks) the odds of her cheating skyrocket exponentially, even if everything is fine. It's because men are always orbiting and trying to sleep with your wife, and without your constant prescience there, well, high odds she doesn't say no eventually. But when my wife after two weeks away visiting family did the 'i need space' after the prior night being 'i can't wait till you come here', yeah, she was cheating. It…
/r/Divorce_Men26/05/24 06:23 AM
2

Definitely. And sadly. It's a wound that will never, ever really heal. Nothing she will do can make it better, as if she was that sort of person now, she wouldn't have done what she did. It will always be a sore spot on some level, best it just ignore it, survive, and let it fade
/r/Divorce_Men26/05/24 05:21 AM
4

Best thing to do is just survive each day. You won't day to day always be better, but if you compare year to year, you'll notice. Just survive and advance, and you'll get...well, maybe not there, but somewhere better than here.
/r/Divorce_Men26/05/24 02:52 AM
3

I sometimes question the latter part. I think while true sometimes, in many times, it's a lie women tell themselves to justify why it's okay they fucked another dude. 'Oh, it's not really cheating, I had been planning this for years' My ex gave the same speech after she cheated, but watching her actions in the marriage, either she was an amazing actress for a woman whose an awful liar, or she let a guy seduce her, and went damage control so she didn't have to just go 'yup, I'm a whore'
/r/Divorce_Men26/05/24 02:51 AM
4

This. I was similar. It's been a little past two years, and anyday I'm feeling real depressed and missing my old life, I can look back at how I felt that first year, and realize it's not nearly as bad. I can even look at the 2nd year and see I'm doing better than that, too. At this rate, I think in year 5 I'll be 'back' or better than where I was before her.
/r/Divorce_Men26/05/24 02:49 AM
1

If you have a way to pay an attorney for a consultation, come with a list of assets (probably folks here can tell you which to look for) and he can let you know how it'll shake out once you go through with it. Take some time to get used that future, plan as if it's happened and you have the income you'll have after CS/Alimony, and see what life will look like.
/r/Divorce_Men25/05/24 11:25 PM
2

This. This form of divorce, this 'walk away wife' syndrome, is always, 100% caused by new dick. There might be some debate if there was something you could do to prevent the new dick. Normally not, as women call any attempts to not maximize odds of getting new dick as 'insecure' and 'controlling'. But regardless, if you get the 180 change in how she treats you, it's always a new dick. And I don't want to let the guys off the hook either. The world is full of POS out there who do this, and sadly …
/r/Divorce_Men25/05/24 11:22 PM
4

I understand that dread. My ex did the reverse, went away on a 2 month trip to visit family, two weeks in overnight we go from 'I can't wait till you come out here and meet everyone' to 'I don't want you to come and I need space to think.' Those 10 weeks waiting for her to come home were the worst of my life. Felt like I had to do something to save my marriage, but there was nothing I could do. Lost almost 70 lbs and half my hair. Looking back now two years later, I realize that the overnight ch…
/r/Divorce_Men25/05/24 11:20 PM
3

Yup, women will never leave a 'normal' relationship until they have idea of where the next dick is. Often it's already in them.
/r/Divorce_Men25/05/24 11:17 PM
2

Well, no one, (or at least no women) really even gives those vows one second of consideration. It's not worth thinking about, as they sure aren't thinking about it. But I've seen it alot. Relationships take constant re-enforcement, especially for women, as unlike men, they will always have other men leaning in on them. It's easy to say you'll stay loyal as a man, but to be fair, most of us never have that constant sexual attraction leaning on us all the time.
/r/Divorce_Men25/05/24 08:35 PM
1

Well, there's possibilities in life, and probabilities. We always have to make a decision, and getting caught on possibilities and ignoring the probabilities is always a losing move. It's like taking a bet you know has higher ante, lower payout, and less odds of happening. I mean, you could make that decision, but it wouldn't be a smart one. Mostly, guys really don't like to believe their wives cheated on them when they get divorced. Makes me think the 57% of divorced guys saying their wife chea…
/r/Divorce_Men25/05/24 03:58 PM
1

Nice, congrats! Great to get such a good deal without lawyers. We didn't have kids, and my state bars alimony for cheating, so I managed to get away with making a choice between selling the house and having no debt, or taking the debt but keeping the house. Either way, she was walking away with 35k. I chose to keep the house, and the last two years have been really rough, basically can't even afford to run the heat, but house has gone up about 40k in value, so almost a profitable decision to kee…
/r/Divorce_Men25/05/24 03:50 PM
1

Definitely get worse treatment being a divorced guy, sadly. It's like how I got better treatment being 'married' status with strangers, even if they knew nothing about me but I had a wife.
/r/Divorce_Men25/05/24 02:54 PM
3

Doing a deep dive on multiple divorce stats, the most accurate when asking both sides of a divorce what happened, 57% of men said they were cheated on. I think it's even higher, as much like you, we all here think our wife wasn't cheating when she suddenly changes how she acts towards us. When it reality, the only realistic reason for that behavior is cheating. But society tells us that's not true, and we don't want it to be true, so we end up like you, and get blindsided. Got me too, my wife go…
/r/Divorce_Men25/05/24 02:46 PM
3

Yup, I had 10 awful weeks of my wife saying 'she needed time to think' and the whole time she was banging different dudes, and cut it off with me without ever talking to me about anything once she found one to move in with.
/r/Divorce_Men25/05/24 11:42 AM
3

It's so common when I mentioned that my wife went from 'I love you, can't wait to talk to you later today' to 'i need time to think' in a period of hours, my therapist asked on day 1, 'Do you think she's cheating?'
/r/Divorce_Men25/05/24 11:41 AM
3

I really think marriages can't survive extended absences. Two weeks seems to be the magic number it takes to start saying 'yes' to one of the guys who are endless hitting on women 100% of the time. My wife had traveled solo plenty of times during our 10 years together, but the longest had been a week. There was a time she was going to be away for 6 weeks, and two weeks into that trip, get the 'I need time to think' talk overnight from our normal 'I love you, can't wait till you come out here as …
/r/Divorce_Men25/05/24 11:40 AM
2

Yup. Good attorney's will make you pay, bad attorney's will be free, as they're desperate for work. Good ones don't want to waste time with people who are cheap.
/r/Divorce_Men25/05/24 06:02 AM
1

This. It's literally the most important thing in a relationship as all divorce stats show, but you are massively shamed, even here, for stating it's importance.
/r/Divorce_Men25/05/24 06:01 AM
2

Especially if paired with lots of male friends. If she's just friendless in general, I guess that's...not great, but I wouldn't call it a red flag. Might honestly be better than some 'female friends' who basically will aid in tearing a marriage apart.
/r/Divorce_Men25/05/24 06:00 AM
3

Lets see... Definitely biggest red flag was sexual promiscuity in the past. It's the most basic thing in the world that this is a huge, massive red flag, but society really tries to protect women and shame men from understanding this. But honestly, I could end it here as this was the only flag that really mattered. Multiple prior boyfriends had abused her. Which, yeah, I actually believe most of it, but the flip side is, she was seeking these guys out, staying with them, and letting them do the …
/r/Divorce_Men25/05/24 05:59 AM
6

Yup, contrary to what a lot of folks in RP and stuff like to say, standing up for yourself tends to just end the relationship. Which is good, those sorts of relationships need to end, and standing up will do that sooner than later and save you pain
/r/Divorce_Men25/05/24 05:53 AM
3

Yup, I had the whore history and daddy issues, and though I could save a hoe. I mean, I guess I did save her, but it ruined me.
/r/Divorce_Men25/05/24 05:52 AM
3

This is true. Also, every women I've heard has said 'no, that's not true, men should share their feelings'. And they get really upset if you say truth
/r/Divorce_Men25/05/24 05:52 AM
4

Yup, I was two years out in April. Still don't feel great every day, but I can look back to how I felt two years ago and see the progress I've made. 1st year was wasted trying to save a marriage when she had cheated, then lied while she was sleeping with other men during seperation. 2nd year was just accepting and understanding it was over and being depressed. This 3rd year has started off good for rebuilding, but really, I'm thinking during the 5th year is when I'll be 'back' and better than I …
/r/Divorce_Men25/05/24 05:50 AM
3

Possibly, but the real thing which 'flips the switch' is letting another man in her. Maybe the BPD pushes her in that direction, but until she takes that step, the switch doesn't flip
/r/Divorce_Men25/05/24 05:49 AM
6

This. It's funny/sad how similar the stories are, both on our wives cheating, and on how we react to it. Almost every single man in this situation thinks his wife isn't cheating. And almost every single time she is. And while marriage has a low chance of being saved if the husband cheats, it doesn't have any chance when the wife does. It's 100% over.
/r/Divorce_Men25/05/24 05:48 AM
9

Yup, and there is literally nothing you can do once she's let another dude in her. It's 100% over.
/r/Divorce_Men25/05/24 05:47 AM
9

Yup. Anytime you get this sudden 'I want space' 'I'm not in love with you' etc response from the wife, it means she's cheating. Sad thing is, we men really have a hard time believing that. I know I was the same way at the start. When I went to go see therapy for it not even two weeks after I got that 'I need time to think' speech, first thing my therapist asked was 'do you think she's cheating?' Like an idiot I said of course not, she's just having a mental episode or something.
/r/Divorce_Men25/05/24 05:46 AM
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