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fixingmedaybyday Archive

View 23 posts and 337 comments by fixingmedaybyday on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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Upvotes Title Category Author Subreddit Date (UTC)
47

fixingmedaybyday/r/Divorce_Men15/08/21 02:23 AM
35

fixingmedaybyday/r/Divorce_Men05/06/26 01:15 AM
30

fixingmedaybyday/r/Divorce_Men14/10/21 04:35 AM
30

fixingmedaybyday/r/Divorce_Men12/09/21 02:30 AM
25

Marriage/Childrenfixingmedaybyday/r/MensRights09/12/21 04:34 PM
22

Feminismfixingmedaybyday/r/MensRights19/12/21 05:06 PM
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Generalfixingmedaybyday/r/MensRights06/08/25 05:16 AM
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fixingmedaybyday/r/Divorce_Men19/02/22 12:44 AM
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fixingmedaybyday/r/Divorce_Men24/10/21 10:07 PM
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fixingmedaybyday/r/Divorce_Men17/10/21 01:50 PM
18

fixingmedaybyday/r/Divorce_Men12/02/22 06:50 PM
17

fixingmedaybyday/r/Divorce_Men08/11/21 06:25 PM
17

fixingmedaybyday/r/Divorce_Men14/11/21 11:17 PM
15

fixingmedaybyday/r/Divorce_Men13/05/22 11:02 PM
15

support requestfixingmedaybyday/r/MenSupportMen02/01/25 07:19 PM
15

fixingmedaybyday/r/Divorce_Men05/08/21 01:39 AM
14

fixingmedaybyday/r/Divorce_Men01/06/23 09:08 PM
14

Success Storiesfixingmedaybyday/r/Divorce_Men25/12/25 09:48 PM
11

fixingmedaybyday/r/Divorce_Men13/04/22 01:05 PM
5

fixingmedaybyday/r/Divorce_Men14/04/22 09:31 PM
4

fixingmedaybyday/r/Divorce_Men15/08/24 06:00 AM
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fixingmedaybyday/r/Divorce_Men23/12/21 10:22 AM
2

fixingmedaybyday/r/Divorce_Men07/12/21 08:40 PM
Upvotes Comment on Subreddit Date (UTC)
1

This story is yours, and I don’t want to diminish it, but it rhymes with so many others I know of, not just here, but in the real world.
/r/Divorce_Men11/06/26 05:21 AM
3

My pool is a shallow pond of only 10,000 people.
/r/Divorce_Men05/06/26 01:53 AM
3

Nah, just a text saying happy Mother’s Day and that’s it. Nothing more or else. And that’s only if you want to for your own well being.
/r/Divorce_Men09/05/26 02:03 AM
1

Yeah, I think I have all my ornaments now, but I try my best to not put them up, but some of them are cool and the kiddo likes them. And he’ll ask about them and I’ll tell him a happy story behind it. But damn it stings, especially since she’s the one who chose all this bullshit.
/r/Divorce_Men29/12/25 07:14 AM
1

4 years post divorce and every 6 months or so, my ex still trickles some sort of little tchotchke or little bit of memorabilia that somehow managed to survive my moving out of the house, then her selling said house and moving. This year, it was another of the Christmas ornaments she gave me during our marriage (we got each other an ornament every year).
/r/Divorce_Men29/12/25 03:32 AM
3

And if you do all that, she'll complain you're lazy and clingy and around too often.
/r/Divorce_Men29/12/25 03:19 AM
7

So much this. There's an expectation that you're supposed to be an incredibly new and different person every day and every hour is supposed to have some sort of novelty to it. Once that novelty wears off, it's time to change and find something new. My ex-wife pretty much even admitted it. All of her values were turned pretty much on their head at the end of the relationship. She insisted on monogamy, but then found poly friends that she hid from me. She talked about how family time would be spen…
/r/Divorce_Men18/10/25 06:57 PM
1

Imagine if you heard a woman say "It's all my fault. I worked and took care of the kids and the house and the meals and I should have done more because he left me because he had was tired of having to work 2 jobs to keep up with his expenses and I should have done more." You'd probably tell her that sounds like abuse. It's a total mind-fuck going through this man. You are definitely not the problem. But I empathize with you bro, because I've been there myself. You'll always wonder why you weren'…
/r/Divorce_Men17/10/25 04:09 PM
2

I’m 4 years post divorce and I still can’t bear to communicate with my ex. Everything is through text or from 1 of 6 of her Gmail accounts. I don’t know why or if she even notices or if it’s on purpose but yeah…topics only pertain to kids stuff. Once in a while she’ll text me pics of her and the kid on a vacation or adventure and once in a while send some trinket along or some junk mail along that I left behind years ago. Otherwise there hasn’t even been a how are you or anything. She’s an entir…
/r/Divorce_Men25/09/25 06:01 AM
5

You nailed it and we need to talk about this more. Too many guys take permanent, terminal actions because of these feelings and nobody outside of men's groups talks about it. Even if it turns out that the ex, or soon-to-be ex turns out to be a total POS, there is no "just get over her", "you can find better", or "enjoy your freedom". The scars from these relationships run deeper than anyone who has never been through it can know.
/r/Divorce_Men08/09/25 04:09 AM
9

You’d be surprised what a wink and a smile and a glance to the floor or seat next to you might do though if you meet eyes.
/r/MensRights20/08/25 01:02 AM
10

My ex wife started playing this game and then actually told me I should be playing this game when a new friend got in her ear. Every interaction became a manipulation or perceived manipulation. Every look suddenly became a micro aggression. It ruined our marriage. There were other things too, but this toxicity became something we could not fix. Should you have your own life outside of life with your partner? Yes. But should you purposely avoid your partner simply for the sake of creating distanc…
/r/MensRights19/08/25 10:59 PM
17

I sometimes feel lonely because Im lacking meaningful and fulfilling shared experiences. People just seem so distant sometimes. And sometimes many just seem do be being some sort of social monkey branching always looking for cooler and richer friends. Instead of regular consistent relationships, most folks seem to just get together periodically a few times a year at best. It’s taken me a lot of work to find a few regular friends, but I’ve got them now and it’s amazing. But it’s not easy and not …
/r/MensRights19/08/25 08:14 PM
7

Amen.
/r/MensRights19/08/25 07:55 PM
6

My feminist ex asked me what I thought about her new salary when she was applying for a new job and I told her she deserved more. Her response was “but that’s not bad for a woman. And I’m not about to jeopardize getting hired by asking for more.” I wish I was kidding.
/r/MensRights18/08/25 03:44 PM
2

Nah, it’s because we don’t have nice things.
/r/MensRights15/08/25 04:49 AM
12

Umm, if they have to look like that with socks and shoes, I'll just stick to my slacks.
/r/MensRights14/08/25 03:27 PM
1

I’d go with Yoda on this one. “Fear is the path to the Dark Side. Fear leads to anger, anger leads to hate, hate leads to suffering.” Don’t hate. Accept what you are dealing with. Set your own boundaries for what you want and don’t want and let go of the rest. Be willing to walk away when those boundaries get crossed. Keep your business yours. Otherwise hate is like taking a poison and expecting it to hurt someone else. It doesn’t work and you only hurt yourself in the end.
/r/MensRights12/08/25 06:57 PM
1

Build whatever bureaucracy you want. I ain't playing.
/r/MensRights06/08/25 10:36 PM
-1

I'm using "men's rights", "red-pill", "MGTOW" and "manosphere" mostly synonymously. No need to "swerf" and "terf" ourselves here.
/r/MensRights06/08/25 10:03 PM
0

Did you not see the PBS story that was posted the other day?
/r/MensRights06/08/25 04:32 PM
3

So much this. My feminist ex wife wanted me to sit my son down to discuss his toxic masculinity AT AGE 5! Me being able to lift heavy things became toxic. Me being able to run fast - toxic. Me cleaning up - toxic because I didn’t do it her way. Leave a dish in the sink because I’m running to a meeting - toxic. Me making more money than her - toxic. It was like she was suddenly brainwashed into thinking that everything I do was a directed personal attack against as a result of toxic.masculinity.
/r/MensRights06/08/25 03:46 PM
0

I used the term manosphere because it’s often conflated with men’s rights and I saw a couple other threads here do it too.
/r/MensRights06/08/25 03:40 PM
79

I am trying to understand what the misogyny is that they are calling out. Yes, some in the manosphere are toxic, but this didn’t go into at all what makes them toxic. Just fear mongering that the manosphere is promoting hate and maybe leading to murder. Oh and I love how they blamed the guy who identified as an iPad kid growing up that way. Like it’s his fault his mom or dad didn’t spend the time with him in the real world that could have replaced the iPad time.
/r/MensRights05/08/25 07:05 PM
5

I’ve got a horrible coworker who is just totally incompetent and screws up everything. He’s kind of a super passive jerk who seems to use weaponized incompetence to lay blame everywhere else but on his own mistakes.I think he’s just an idiot. The feminists on the team however have turned it into a gender issue claiming that is his toxic masculinity and that his long rambling rants is mansplaining. No ladies, he’s just an idiot and does this to everyone. Stop making everything a gender issue.
/r/MensRights01/08/25 02:45 PM
13

So you e been speaking with my feminist ex-wife I see.
/r/MensRights01/08/25 02:35 PM
1

It’s not just men - it’s societal collapse. Here’s an interesting conversation about it that acknowledges the pitfalls we are all falling into. https://open.spotify.com/episode/7MQez2haIeefHLGltSwxb6?si=fztXvuqyQ32H982cBu3OTg
/r/MensRights29/07/25 11:02 PM
9

lol? Who here openly hates women? Most of us love women. But some women, radical feminists especially who openly preach misandry, well, I will speak for myself - I don’t hate them, but I have some criticism. Is that hate? Is calling out double standards and gender-based discrimination hate?
/r/MensRights27/07/25 09:49 PM
1

I think it’s absolutely real, however the men suffering from it definitely carry their own responsibility to fix it. Don’t have friends? Go make some. Volunteer, change jobs, talk to strangers everywhere. Do it enough and handle rejection maturely, and you’ll find some. No, it’s not easy. Never was. But there has never been an easier time than now to sit at home bitching and moaning about everything while hiding behind video games, internet scrolling, Netflix in and whatever else keeps you distr…
/r/MensRights26/07/25 08:14 PM
1

I was unaware of a tea app for guys.
/r/MensRights26/07/25 05:17 PM
8

Smells like chatgpt. But RIP the em dash. It used to actually be a sign of intelligence.
/r/MensRights25/07/25 05:13 AM
36

Wasn’t it deemed illegal to post someone’s photo on hotornot.com? Or am I just making something up? Isn’t this the same thing but with more slander and harassment?
/r/MensRights24/07/25 07:20 PM
17

Imagine if guys had an app to compare aureolas or landing strips or clit sizes or tightness. This is beyond fucked up.
/r/MensRights23/07/25 06:29 AM
31

How does one even find out if they're on the app? I doubt I or any of my friends are on there, but it'd be interesting to know. I'll be honest though, if a woman told me she found me on there, I'd be pissed and I'd probably cut off all communication with her for being part of such a circle jerk of toxicity.
/r/MensRights22/07/25 06:29 PM
32

I had to supervise someone once who no-showed, no-called for multiple days. Wrote her up with a simple “You NS/NC’d on such and such dates. As written in the handbook you must provide notification. Consider this a warning and please remember to communicate absences accordingly.” HR reviewed it and said I need to soften the tone and better explain what they did wrong and provide better training. Took 2 more revisions before they approved the write up.
/r/MensRights18/07/25 04:38 PM
1

I’m not saying grandma didn’t deserve better. Just that vengeance is t the answer. It’s like hearing someone say “now it’s our turn to abuse.”. No. Why can’t we all just get along,
/r/Divorce_Men18/07/25 01:35 AM
9

I’m 4 years out almost and have to force myself to date. Most of the time it ends at date 1 because I’ll see a red flag or 2 and just lose all interest. I need a real connection for attraction or vice versa and I’m still scared that when I do find someone, they’ll wind up hurting just like my ex did. I went through a short phase wishing to get my player on, but it just feels so fake, manipulative and inauthentic. FYI, pick up artistry works, but it’s just a game. If you like that sort of thing, …
/r/Divorce_Men18/07/25 12:14 AM
10

I thought I had found my soul mate before getting locked in with a kid. We had incredible travels together, dinners with friends, lots of intimacy and romance. But once we had a kid, she became an entirely different person It started small with weird requests here and then. But it soon escalated into a lot of emasculation and nit-picking. And then the next thing I know I'm expected to be super dad while she gets back into the workforce. So, I picked up the kid 4/5 days a week from daycare. Clean…
/r/Divorce_Men17/07/25 09:02 PM
1

Yup and a lot of women justify it by saying "well, now you know how my grandmother felt".
/r/Divorce_Men17/07/25 08:37 PM
4

Keep a journal and document everything. Setup a ring camera for home security. Do NOT get baited into an argument. Do NOT leave! Do NOT make any major financial decisions or actions. Lawyer up and gray-rock.
/r/Divorce_Men17/07/25 06:25 PM
51

The thing is feminists want all women to behave like men, have all the “benefits” of being men, despite not all women wanting to have to be or deal with that shit. They’re jaded and in competition with men trying to reverse the roles of the 50s towards themselves instead. However even then they’re not happy because they get off in the endorphins of “breaking glass ceilings”. They’re warriors who have no purpose without a war to be fought. And so they’re just going to keep pushing for more power …
/r/MensRights15/07/25 05:54 AM
24

I just hate that they’ve made the workplace a bland and sterile environment in which everyone, but men specifically, have to walk on eggshells else be labeled sexist. And some of these folks have no problem with these types of jokes outside the workplace, but will suddenly become offended if it means they can use a complaint to HR just to wield power and control. Hell, I’ve even seen it where the guys want to go out to lunch together and because they don’t invite Karen, she complains that they’r…
/r/MensRights14/07/25 12:30 AM
1

“Seen as her competitor.” That’s exactly how my ex wife viewed me. She even said it - that she was tired of competing with me. I thought we were trying to lift each other up and support one another. But in the end, she was brainwashed with “toxic masculinity” and held anything masculine about me against me. “You think you’re so great to be able to reach the top shelf in the cabinet. You think you’re so awesome you can lift things I can’t. You think you’re so great for being able to deal with the…
/r/MensRights13/07/25 02:33 AM
56

The mandatory paternity test thing is wild. Seems it should be standard considering “father” has huge legal ramifications and is permanently recorded on the birth certificate solely be the woman’s word alone. No verification needed, despite how easy it is now to acquire. And if the man protests, he’s recorded as the “putative father”. And yet, feminists fight the concept tooth and nail.
/r/MensRights09/07/25 02:59 PM
1

Get a financial assessment done so you can get all assets out in the open and on the table. She's screwing you and intentionally trying to take advantage of you at your weakest. Fuck her. You deserve better. She's not seeing you as a person, but rather as a used car that's broken down, needs repair and instead of working on, it's time to trade it in. Admit that you would never think that way towards her and no decent person would. So sorry you have to go through all of this at once. It's really …
/r/Divorce_Men03/07/25 07:15 PM
2

When the marriage started going south, the therapist asked us if either of us had thought of divorce. I said, yes, but not that I wanted to divorce, but that I was scared that's where we were heading. Dead bedroom, focus only on her work and extended family, her just being controlling, cold and mean. I was terrified of it, but I didn't want her to be so cruel and cold and dismissive towards me any more. We tried to work through things, seemed to be getting better, then COVID hit. And then she hi…
/r/Divorce_Men21/04/25 08:24 PM
2

Get into an outdoor activity - bonus if it's social/semi-social. Stay away from the addictions. During the end of my marriage, I was in the shape of my life. Managed to do well for a year or 2 after the divorce, but the emptiness, pain and loneliness finally won and I started going to bars to meet people. Which lead to bumming cigarettes occasionally which lead me back to a pack a day habit again. Now, I'm a pack-a-day smoker and a drunk and as much as I want to be in that kick ass health again,…
/r/Divorce_Men21/04/25 07:50 PM
9

This is what’s so controversial about the “Believe all women.” aspect of the “Me too” movement. Truth, facts, actual events don’t matter - whatever’s said by women is always right. Just look at how many women blindly supported Amber Heard and started making up their own narrative about Johnny Depp. Same thing. It’s no different than classic old misogyny. Just now it’s their turn.
/r/MenSupportMen25/01/25 11:09 PM
1

Thanks all for the replies. I’m still trying to decide whether I really want to test, but figured I’d mention a few things. One, that the kid loves me. Tells me everyday, multiple times and I tell him the same. The ex and I do not talk, except via text to communicate about pickup times or picking up stuff for him (game jerseys, outdoor equipment, etc.). Her parents, mother especially has been trying to get me to sit with them at games and saying there’s no need for me to be a stranger. Which is …
/r/MenSupportMen19/01/25 07:37 AM
1

I let her buy me out of the house for cheap and I think she felt a tad bit guilty about it all.
/r/MenSupportMen06/01/25 07:45 PM
1

I was in this situation with my ex wife. She’s an excel ninja so I went along with it thinking it was for the best for both of us in the long run. However it wasn’t and she eventually got fuming mad with me for making her keep the books - even though she’s the one who insisted on it. It was a huge double standard of rules for thee but not for me. The end of the relationship devastated me and I don’t know how I’ll ever recover. I trust her with my whole being just to be stabbed in the back and di…
/r/MenSupportMen26/12/24 05:28 PM
3

Understands space better than NASA.
/r/Divorce_Men08/11/24 04:29 PM
-1

This happened to me, subby. I'm not a Trumper, lean left and that wasn't enough for my ex either. She wanted me to cut ties with all my family and for me to help her break up her sister's family because the brother in law leans right. I was told I wasn't doing enough for women's rights, or minorities or alphabet soups, despite the fact that I have always voted in their favor and have never had a problem with any of them. I pushed back hard when she said I needed to talk to my 5-year old about hi…
/r/Divorce_Men08/11/24 03:52 PM
7

I confronted her about the sexless marriage and she quit. I was no longer allowed to initiate anything, even kissing. I could have dealt with the nagging and bitching if she helped me feel loved and appreciated. Instead I was given more tasks and chores and impossible to satisfy requests (like trying to find a resort vacation with childcare during the middle of the pandemic. It was awful because anything I did to work on myself was met with anger and disdain when I was doing some of my best work…
/r/Divorce_Men07/11/24 06:30 AM
2

Hang in there bro. Stay strong through the move. When you get settled in, let it all out. Your healing journey starts now. You got this.
/r/Divorce_Men02/11/24 06:08 PM
6

Go watch "Wild Country", NOW! Then get back to us. Please.
/r/Divorce_Men02/11/24 04:36 AM
2

By the way, I'm starting to feel this question myself and it's...a strange place to be. Trust is hard to regain, even in just friendship.
/r/Divorce_Men02/11/24 03:50 AM
4

"If you love someone, set them free. If they come back, they’re yours; if they don’t, they never were." With that said. Why would you want them back? If so, what have you learned that will either keep them around, or set them free forever?
/r/Divorce_Men02/11/24 03:40 AM
4

Damn, I heard those same words. I believed them though, as much as they hurt I believed them because I could feel down to my soul that this time, she wasn’t lying.
/r/Divorce_Men02/11/24 01:05 AM
2

It’s okay to acknowledge how unfair it is. Hell, without talking about it, it’s really hard to let that negative energy go. It gets stuck if you have no outlet to vent these feelings.Get some therapy, join a men’s group, make new trust worthy friends you can confide in - it makes a world of difference. It’s okay to not be okay. And just from the little bit you described, I’d be hard pressed to expect some to be okay after all that. Hang in there. This isn’t between you and her anymore - you’re a…
/r/Divorce_Men29/10/24 06:47 PM
1

This might sound woo woo, but I’ve used sleep hypnosis podcasts with some decent success.
/r/Divorce_Men29/10/24 05:58 PM
2

Yeah. I’ve spent a lot on therapy. From when she told me I needed til after the divorce. My first therapist said I was being abused and I practically fired him because I knew that if I followed his advice I’d be done. Then after going through a couple more I realized maybe they’re all right. Even after she practically admitted to me that she was putting me through hell consciously. Anyways, yeah. Believe in yourself and when you get down, reason back to that voice in your head that you didn’t de…
/r/Divorce_Men28/10/24 05:06 AM
3

I was right where you are submitter. It hurt so bad emotionally that I was in actual physical pain. And I too just wanted it to end. I felt like a pariah. Getting out of the house helped a lot. Long hikes, long car rides provided temporary relief and distraction. Going out to local bars and just making new friends helped a ton too. Slowly, but by bit I started feeling better. 3 years later and I’m ok. Thriving in some ways even, but there is still a deep bruise in my heart that I have to deal wi…
/r/Divorce_Men27/10/24 07:57 PM
3

Find someone to talk to. Either a close friend or a therapist or a men’s group (online even). You need to share your experience and get support. It definitely helps. I found that when I told my story, it helped a lot to limit how much I was beating myself up. I hope it helps you too.
/r/Divorce_Men27/10/24 08:56 AM
1

I had that off the cliff dream!
/r/Divorce_Men25/10/24 01:36 AM
7

When you start noticing these things, it’s already too late.
/r/Divorce_Men24/10/24 08:06 PM
2

Wheeler Walker Jr, “Fuck you bitch”. Slaid Cleaves, “Key Chain”. Limp Bizkit, “Nookie”. Warren Haynes, “Soulshine”. Buffalo Killers, “Get it”.
/r/Divorce_Men24/10/24 06:43 AM
2

I don’t think you’re a bad person. You have to guard yourself now from the hurt she caused you. If it were me, I’d be hesitant. I’d also be scared of seeing her ill and all the feelings that would bring back and scared of my heart softening for her. I’d have thoughts of possible reconciliation to the point that maybe she’ll actually maybe say “I’m sorry” and “thank you.” But other than that. I don’t know why I’d do it. I doubt she’d do it for me.
/r/Divorce_Men24/10/24 01:21 AM
3

Yeah, we even had that conversation before consciously deciding to make him that we were in it for life. It’s so sad - I miss the old her. Who she is now is vile now.
/r/Divorce_Men23/10/24 09:41 PM
13

Yeah it’s much easier 3 years in. However, even seeing her still brings up feelings of loss and disappointment. I don’t miss her, I miss what should have been. She and her family thinks it’s all normal and healthy to divorce and we should all act like everything’s fine. But that’s easy for them to say - our kid and I are the ones who got screwed.
/r/Divorce_Men23/10/24 07:36 PM
2

Getting back into boating has been a huge part of my healing journey too. She got me into it, and kinda threw it in my face that I was no longer welcome on the groups trips. It stung a lot but building my own boating community has been awesome. Safe travels and keep it right side up. Watch out for those hippos, they’re as fast and meaner than a jet boat.
/r/Divorce_Men22/10/24 06:39 PM
3

It was more about adding board and baton or Wayne’s coating than fix fritzing and dangerous electrical issues, chimney issues, roof leaks and mold. Heaven forbid I do useful chores and maintenance.
/r/Divorce_Men21/10/24 08:29 PM
3

I don’t believe her, but still need with that little voice of hers in my head saying I am.
/r/Divorce_Men21/10/24 08:20 PM
11

I should clarify, she wasn’t doing anything about these things and when I pointed it out, she said I was gaslighting her and that I’m a selfish self-centered narcissist.
/r/Divorce_Men21/10/24 06:44 PM
12

It definitely was a factor. First, it started with popular home improvement projects which was actually fun, but devolved into “what are you doing about George Floyd?” “What are you doing for Me Too?” “What are you doing about your (he’s our’s mind you) 5 year olds toxic masculinity?” to “I’m done. It’s just a relationship. And besides, marriage is just an institution to sexually ensalve women”
/r/Divorce_Men21/10/24 06:23 PM
2

You absolutely deserve better than someone who can’t tough out a couple of off months. At your age, you absolutely will do better. Hit the gym (get a trainer if necessary), eat right and find your happiness and you be doing fine. Be extremely lucky in who you commit to, though I’d be wary of commitment again soon.
/r/Divorce_Men20/10/24 11:59 PM
10

LOL, my ex tried to tell me that marriage was an institution created by men to trap women into sexual enslavement! Guess who pushed for the marriage and maintained the fertility calendar and scheduled sex?
/r/Divorce_Men20/10/24 10:44 PM
1

Do not let her know what you know. Take care of you and the kids only and seek legal counsel. Sorry you’re going through this and have to deal with these shit stainS.
/r/Divorce_Men19/10/24 02:20 AM
1

I just did it, by myself. It was very awkward at first, and I had a ton of anxiety, But, it wasn’t long after that I was sort of “taken in”. Like, one bar I went to, I went in, had a beer, sat in the corner by myself, and worked on my laptop. Nobody noticed or cared. The next week I went, same thing. A day or two later, I did the same thing, but this time someone got up the gumption and said “hey buddy, you can’t just come in here and not say hi to us. Welcome who are you?, why are you working s…
/r/Divorce_Men16/10/24 05:53 PM
1

It’s been a trip for me, but I’m finally starting to feel okay with it. I got a therapist, started hanging at bars on nights off from the kid, went to a lot of local music, took overnight trips camping and sight-seeing by myself in epic crazy stupid conditions and just talked to as many people as I could along the way. It has not been easy. A lot of alone time was spent crying and self flagellating, listening to self help books, journaling and talking to ghosts. But, I’m doing so much better lat…
/r/Divorce_Men15/10/24 08:50 PM
3

Make that a legally binding agreement at that. This is straight out of their playbook to make you look like you abandoned the marriage.
/r/Divorce_Men11/10/24 10:46 PM
3

Sunk cost fallacy. We hold onto the water that’s already flowed past the bridge.
/r/Divorce_Men10/10/24 06:46 PM
2

This should be pinned.
/r/Divorce_Men09/10/24 06:37 PM
3

No, I had to stay away from high places. I had crazy nightmares about self deleting and even had some crazy thoughts pop into my mind while out hiking or biking along cliff edges. I saw some warnings about divorce and some of the intrusive thoughts that come with it and didn’t really believe it until I went through it, and well, yeah, I was so stressed out by it that I seriously thought about ending it all. Glad I didn’t let those thoughts get to me.
/r/Divorce_Men09/10/24 04:35 AM
12

So glad I didn’t make any permanent choices when I was in the thick of it. When you find yourself in hell, keep going. Quitting will just keep you there.
/r/Divorce_Men08/10/24 11:40 PM
10

You’re abusing him! Threatening to leave just to get your own way is abuse! Grow the hell up you spoiled little brat.
/r/Divorce_Men07/10/24 02:18 PM
4

She’s completely incapable of accountability. Sorry OP that you have to go through this. She’s abusing you. She abandoned you without notice.
/r/Divorce_Men07/10/24 02:56 AM
4

47 years old here. And yeah, I'm pissed I've wasted most of my 40s dwelling on my ex - 40-44 were on doting on her and the kiddo while we were married, 44-now feeling sorry for myself for getting divorced. Don't be me.
/r/Divorce_Men06/10/24 07:18 PM
5

Agreeed. Labeling isn’t helpful. Identifying toxic or unhelpful actions is. Ask what they mean and be ready to tell them to fuck off. And do if it’s bullshit!
/r/MenSupportMen05/10/24 02:29 AM
3

Beta is sacrificing yourself for others. Giving up on your views or needs for others in hope of their approval or fulfilling your needs in return. Not saying no when you want to. Letting your significant other walk all over you. Not expressing your emotions and honest reactions to situations. It’s totally telling your drill Sargent “I’m sorry for wearing pink hair if it perturbs you.”
/r/MenSupportMen05/10/24 02:14 AM
9

Sounds like you're dealing with shame and perhaps attachment hangups. Maybe you're scared to just have fun sex with her. Perhaps quietly judging her and her partner's arrangment? Worried you might get attached and hurt knowing she's having fun with others? If your morals don't align, they don't align. Just move on and find someone's who does. And don't judge yourself too harshly either. Personally, I haven't had much enjoyment out of casual sex, despite how much I've fantasized about it. It's be…
/r/Divorce_Men02/10/24 09:42 PM
2

Yeah. What’s crazier even is that these women are all way more attractive than my ex. Like they were actually hot!
/r/Divorce_Men01/10/24 10:22 PM
1

"being with a new woman is like cheating on your ex wife." Yeah, that one still hits hard. I've slept with a couple women since the divorce, and it still doesn't feel right. And yeah, while I can get a good stiffy just thinking about sex sometimes, when I've been with those women, lets just say it was and up and down and up and down experience.
/r/Divorce_Men01/10/24 10:08 PM
1

I had awful nightmares too. Before the divorce, it was her driving us all off a cliff. During and after it was similar to what you described. It’s subconscious brain trying to warm you that who you thought she was is dead. It’s still awful though and I remember some were so vivid that I’d wake up in mid air an inch or 2 over the bed they’d convulse me awake so violently. I told my doc about it and I went on meds for a couple of weeks. I don’t like them, so stopped when he tried to up my dosage, …
/r/Divorce_Men28/09/24 07:58 PM
5

So basically it’s okay for women to not accept men’s nature, but men have to change to accept women’s? Man, no wonder the Taliban treat their women the way they do.
/r/Divorce_Men25/09/24 05:40 PM
1

Whoa way too similar here too!
/r/Divorce_Men25/09/24 05:38 PM
7

I don’t think so because mine just wanted my sympathy. If I did fix a problem, she’d complain that I got too dirty doing it or that I didn’t fix it her way or or that I didn’t fix the right problem or that I was trying to control her. Either way I went, I was wrong and needed to be put in my place. It was as if she was entitled to be angry or upset all the time and I wasn’t allowed to happy or satisfied. And of course when I finally called her out on it she claimed she was tired of my toxic masc…
/r/Divorce_Men25/09/24 05:29 PM
12

The fact that you’re like “fack her” is a great sign. Sure you feel like shit still but the fact that you say you won’t accept her back is huge. Next is completely mourning the loss of your future family and finding ways to get over that resentment. Still not easy, but easier. Btw, I’m 3 years out and going through that part too. It’s tough, I still wish she was there to share in moments with my kid. It still feels unnatural without her bitching and moaning.
/r/Divorce_Men25/09/24 07:29 AM
7

This is a tactic that my ex wife hasn't done to me yet, but when I look back on it, I realize now that she used me the same way to get back at her exes when when we started going out. She used the excuse that they were just friends and never had romantic relations, but knowing what I know now, it was all to rub it in their noses that she had me. I almost wonder if it's some sort of Machiavelian vindictiveness or a hail Mary pass to see if she can squeeze something more out of one of the suitors.…
/r/Divorce_Men24/09/24 08:55 PM
-4

Don’t ask. Tell her you want it. That you love that look in her eyes and the feeling of her lips. Asking is weak. Telling her what you want is masculine. What’s better “can you blow me please?” or “God I so want your lips wrapped around me right now.”.
/r/MenSupportMen24/09/24 05:49 AM
6

It’s projection and guilt. By being “nice” like this, she thinks she shows she cares. As if by buying you these books will somehow make you forgive her, continue supporting her as a friend and everything’s all good. When in reality, she knows what she did to you, probably doesn’t regret it, won’t change her ways and thinks she’s all good now that she bought you a couple self help books, which conveniently portray you as the one needing help. Which you do after dealing with someone psycho.
/r/Divorce_Men23/09/24 03:03 PM
22

Redecorate ASAP. New furniture style, repaint if you can, new wall art and different layout arrangements. Make the home uniquely your own. These early days suck a hurt worst than anything. You can get through this. Be there for your kids. Don’t lean on them for emotional support but do let them know that you’re sad too. Hold them if you can and then go do something fun. My heart aches for you man. Always remember, you got this.
/r/Divorce_Men23/09/24 12:15 AM
4

Every one has been there. It’s a learning process just like any other. If you can afford a couple sessions with a trainer, they can give you a plan and teach you form. If not interested that route, check out renaissance periodization or something like that and buy a dumbbell workout program. Many have vids on YouTube to supplement with basic form and technique. Then, the last thing to do is just do it. I struggle with the motivation aspect. Many times I go into my workout dreading it. Hate it ev…
/r/MenSupportMen19/09/24 03:33 PM
3

My ex did that but to her family’s new state. Promised all this extra time together with the baby sitting her family could provide, putting etc. None of it came true, she dove all the way into her work, pushed me aside to now be her baby sitter 2 or 5 days a week. It’s a cool place to live but I’m stuck here in smallville for another 8 years. Building my own support network has been tough. My family is 3000 miles away. But I’m doing it and I’m still standing and one day it’ll come together and I…
/r/Divorce_Men18/09/24 12:07 AM
5

Just another day in the 2020s for me actually. This whole decade has absolutely sucked so far.
/r/Divorce_Men16/09/24 05:46 PM
1

Same here. My ex just withdrew, hid behind books, Netflix and her phone and turned every interaction into an argument or bitch session.
/r/Divorce_Men16/09/24 04:33 PM
0

Yeah…. It sucks seeing the alarmists being right.
/r/Divorce_Men16/09/24 03:35 AM
4

I think it was a better time. People were more patient with each other. Family values were a thing. Feels to me though that a lot of folks have been encouraged through social media, Netflix series and pop psychology to view that lifestyle as a trap that's keeping people stuck preventing them of living their best life. Look at most TV nowadays, so much of it is about people treating each other like crap. Look at how much pop psychology encourages people, especially women to give up on their famil…
/r/Divorce_Men15/09/24 08:05 PM
9

Personally, I hate it. When I do have the kiddo, there’s no break and no support. When I’m alone, it’s lonely as hell and I’m not the big pimpin post divorce middle crisis porn star that many make it out to be. It sucks. I feel trapped in a life not of my choosing and like a total loser. I’m not, but that’s how it feels.
/r/Divorce_Men14/09/24 02:56 AM
1

Shared expenses, lower taxes and increased credit availability* (*only if you're both responsible adults). While I was married, we lived a damned good life splitting expenses. Now we're each paying more to live on our own than we did married. Now there's 2 utility bills, 2 housing payments, 2 different insurance policies, and more wear and tear on vehicles b/c there's no longer car pooling. Not to mention the ease of having shared responsibilities around the house, shared meals, etc. All around,…
/r/Divorce_Men12/09/24 06:06 AM
2

The 56/44 sounds reasonable enough as long as you're okay with it (I can relate to the idea of wanting to take care of her still). The extra 266,400 over the next 6 years seems way unfair though. If you've already offered that, then pulling that back could make things really difficult, but shit, even if you spend 100,000 on court fees and such, it'll cost less than half of what that. As for the cheating thing and exposing herself to get a reaction out of you, only a sick and twisted mentally ill…
/r/Divorce_Men12/09/24 06:00 AM
2

Same here. I’m 3 years out and I am scared that I can’t look at myself or others ever the same again. I didn’t want to take the red pill - it was force fed to me by the one I trusted the most.
/r/Divorce_Men11/09/24 09:07 PM
7

Ditto
/r/Divorce_Men11/09/24 04:32 AM
2

Highly recommend this approach.
/r/Divorce_Men10/09/24 06:52 PM
9

I pass by my ex every once in a while and she waves at me like a long lost friend which is confusing as hell since she had nothing but vitriol and contempt for me at the end of the relationship. So, I usually just pretend I didn’t see her or I’ll give a farmers hello (one finger wave from the steering wheel). I have to do parent teacher conferences with her once in a while even and she tries to make small talk which I don’t take part of. Sorry asshole, but after the way I was treated, like hell …
/r/Divorce_Men10/09/24 05:47 PM
3

See your doc and get a therapist. You’re probably going through withdrawals from her as well as dealing with trauma. It’s your body’s way of keeping you safe. The stress of the breakup can bring out health issues as well. It’s well documented that men often come down with serious health issues post divorce. Now is the Take care of yourself, and be open to help.
/r/Divorce_Men09/09/24 08:56 PM
1

I feel ya bro. I'm in the same spot, but in the US. Trying hard not to whine but it seems that nothing is good enough anymore.
/r/Divorce_Men09/09/24 05:20 AM
6

They need you to become the bad guy to justify becoming a bad girl.
/r/Divorce_Men06/09/24 09:55 PM
2

Yeah it’s just rumination and part of your brain trying to figure out why the past happened instead of what the future should look with. While you’re thinking about those things and what might be said and what you’d do in scenarios A,B,C, consider the feelings it will elicit. Are any of them going to bring you actual good feelings? And don’t forget about the upheaval this could bring on others by digging up the past. This is all normal what you’re going through. Just before you act, ask yourself…
/r/Divorce_Men05/09/24 05:57 AM
5

I tried throwing my son a party once and made the mistake of inviting her. She took over the whole thing and had the audacity tell the other moms who were there -within my earshot - that we were both the happiest we’ve ever been. I spent the rest if the time drinking beer with the only other dad to show up in the parking lot trying to keep my shit together. Never again.
/r/Divorce_Men04/09/24 08:51 PM
2

I had the 3am wake up constantly! Dog needs to be let out, I was snoring or being a bed hog. Every night was a different excuse.
/r/Divorce_Men04/09/24 01:12 AM
7

People seem so toxic to me now. I enjoy getting out and casually hanging out, but women scare me now that I know what I know. I don’t trust anyone now, including myself.
/r/Divorce_Men04/09/24 12:01 AM
1

Holy shit! The “walking too fast” bit…. And everything else. Goddamn.
/r/Divorce_Men03/09/24 04:48 AM
1

She was that person the whole time. I just didn’t want to see it. She knew all along it was temporary. It wasn’t until I was fully trapped and isolated did I see her for who she really is.
/r/Divorce_Men03/09/24 12:45 AM
3

Mine suddenly accused me of being emotionally abusive, gas lighting and controlling, telling me I was the epitome of toxic masculinity. Before the turn, she even said she was so happy that I was a liberal man who encouraged and supported her. Then somehow I was accused of holding her back and ruining her whole life.
/r/Divorce_Men03/09/24 12:37 AM
4

My ex was second-hand diagnosed by multiple therapists when I described my situation. Multiple because I was so convinced I was the problem that I fired the first one when he told me what I might be dealing with. One day she loved me and then after that, she was angry and cold and bitter towards me. Towards the end she started instigating physical altercations like bumping into me hard while I was cooking at the stove. My 2nd therapist was around at the end and he guided me through mediation and…
/r/Divorce_Men03/09/24 12:20 AM
10

Nope no way not ever again. Now that I know who she really is, I’d never truly be able to trust her again. I still miss her so much - she was my everything. But no way could I ever open myself up to her again.
/r/Divorce_Men01/09/24 11:39 PM
3

Mines sister and her poly friend group were apparently plotting behind my back for over a year to get her to leave me. Someone actually filled me in that I should know they were poly but I didn’t get their drift. No way would MY wife would leave me for them after all. Well, she did. That whole scene imploded about 6 months after the divorce. I hope all that validation was worth it.
/r/Divorce_Men31/08/24 06:45 PM
9

Reminds me of my ex wife and dog. Even though she begged me to get a dog, somehow poop patrol was always my job. Just like the midnight “it’s your turn to let the dog out”. (She’d wake me to take the dog out even though she was already awake). Pretty sure even used the “you know it needs to be don’t, just do it without my asking” line a few times. She didn’t follow that advice herself of course but it is what it is. Yet why do I still miss her?
/r/Divorce_Men31/08/24 06:23 PM
1

Same here.
/r/Divorce_Men31/08/24 06:49 AM
1

Mine tried to charge me interest and inflation for the little bit of capital she brought in above me from an inheritance and told me I rented a great life from her for 1200 per month. When I look at it in per fucks, it was still cheaper than a crack ho. Haven’t told her that but yeah, that’s how transactional my ex was.
/r/Divorce_Men28/08/24 04:37 AM
4

Death by a thousand paper cuts leaves you henpecked and bleeding profusely. Reread what you wrote. Many of us have been there and it’s a shitty place to be. Constantly walking on eggshells because nothing is ever right or enough. And having ideas put in our heads that aren’t ours. It’s abuse. You’re seeing her for who she really is and it sucks. It’s worse than a zombie transformation. It’ll only get worse if things don’t change. She demands you put her first and resenting you for it. Time to pu…
/r/Divorce_Men27/08/24 06:00 PM
3

Send her an email saying you are leaving for x amount of time and will return on x date, but check with lawyer first as laws vary by state.
/r/Divorce_Men20/08/24 05:36 AM
1

I cried daily for almost a year after the divorce. Full body sobbing like I haven’t experienced since I was a kid. It’s normal to have feelings, regardless how much we’ve been taught to “man up”. Just feel them. Lay in your bed and cry until you fall asleep, even if it in the mid afternoon. Your body needs a chance to mourn this too. Just observe the thoughts and feelings, label them and let them be. Don’t let them drive your decisions. Don’t make any permanent actions on temporary solutions. I’…
/r/Divorce_Men18/08/24 06:23 AM
4

For me it was like a zombie bite and that person has turned. It’s their body, but it’s not them as you knew them. Don’t ever get close enough again to let them bite you.
/r/Divorce_Men16/08/24 06:43 AM
3

Holy shit. I so felt like I became her employee…
/r/Divorce_Men16/08/24 06:41 AM
1

Yeah, “Cat’s in the Cradle” kinda stuff.
/r/Divorce_Men16/08/24 06:10 AM
1

No, I’m not, I’m just feeling bad for having these thoughts and looking for some reassurance. And yeah for some reason I just haven’t appreciated what I have and get to do here (which I do) and the community that I am building. Just maybe it feels like it’s moving too slow. Anyways thanks for what you said it’s truth.
/r/Divorce_Men16/08/24 06:09 AM
2

Yeah, I can’t leave him. I’ve just gotta find a way to make myself happy when I’m not with him. I can’t fuck him up that way.
/r/Divorce_Men16/08/24 06:03 AM
1

Hey all thanks for the responses. These considerations are exactly why I haven’t moved away. I guess I’ve just heard way too many people (folks I’d never suspect of suggesting that I move) suggesting a move about 4 hours away and it’s just gotten in my head. I just need a little reassurance that I’m doing the right thing is all.
/r/Divorce_Men16/08/24 05:11 AM
13

When I got up to pee and caught her masturbating on the living couch at 3 am while texting somebody.
/r/Divorce_Men08/08/24 06:02 AM
2

I'll recommend therapy too. It helps you to explain this feeling and to understand it. It'll help you see what was really happening and to see history in a different light. I went through the shame spirals too. I started going when I would wake up, start crying almost immediately until I could eventually pull myself back together around noon. I still go through the shame spirals too. Just started to see my therapist again recently because of it. It's helped immensely to get unstuck with some of …
/r/Divorce_Men01/08/24 07:15 PM
7

So much this. I wish I saw the unhealthiness in the relationship. Even though it was the healthiest I had ever had, I wasn’t able to see how unhealthy it was. Learn what a healthy relationship is and how it should continue to to help you live your best life.
/r/Divorce_Men01/08/24 06:07 PM
6

She probably sees you as an employee to keep tabs on. You weren't fired - just demoted. These little checks are akin to your boss stopping by randomly at your desk just to check that you're working and to "keep the lines of communication open". Maybe sometimes she feels nostalgic, but I doubt she'll ever directly say it - she just wants to make sure she can still tug your strings when you come to mind.
/r/Divorce_Men01/08/24 01:24 AM
2

To their credit it’s not an active forum.
/r/Divorce_Men01/08/24 01:03 AM
6

/femaledatingstrategy. Scroll through it and behold.
/r/Divorce_Men31/07/24 08:33 PM
6

It's worse than that, it's like having to puke immediately after taking that nasty shit and you don't have time to flush.
/r/Divorce_Men30/07/24 08:12 PM
11

This is real hurt, but it’s just your brain playing tricks on you. If she don’t want you no more, then move on and find a better life without her. Easy advice to give, harder to live but worth it.
/r/Divorce_Men30/07/24 06:26 AM
4

You’ve been and are being betrayed. This will be traumatic to you if it isn’t already. I was in this phase at first too - “oh poor her, she doesn’t like me anymore like that”. It will then lead to you wondering how she could move on so fast soon to be followed up with self doubt, “Why didn’t I see it coming?”, “why am I not enough”, and a downward spiral that has been the hardest thing I personally have ever faced. I hope this doesn’t happen to you, but it probably will. Get support, get your du…
/r/Divorce_Men29/07/24 07:14 PM
2

Check out RP Strength home workouts. Great results from that!
/r/Divorce_Men29/07/24 12:52 AM
10

Don’t fold. It’s a power move - the person who moves out of the bed can be targeted for abandonment in some states. Lawyer up if you haven’t. She’s messing with you.
/r/Divorce_Men28/07/24 02:33 AM
1

Oh yeah, she did that one too under the guise of a work trip.
/r/Divorce_Men28/07/24 12:15 AM
13

And be especially on the lookout as they hit their 40s.
/r/Divorce_Men27/07/24 08:43 PM
5

Did that one. As soon we finished the job we had to move and try to do it all over again in another town. When the fixer upper she insisted we but showed some major fundamental needs, she put it all on my back, lost her job, and then pushed me out. Good times.
/r/Divorce_Men27/07/24 08:17 PM
26

They’ve been gaslit into thinking family life is oppressing them and they deserve a ho phase to get back at the man they’ve been withholding from. They think it’s their turn to get one in on men after generations of male privilege. And they’re being called brave for betraying their spouses, their vows and their families because they deserve their best life.
/r/Divorce_Men27/07/24 06:43 AM
19

Why do they do this though? The person who loves them as they sure would appreciate a tug. Why do they spite him? It’s so fucked up.
/r/Divorce_Men27/07/24 03:29 AM
1

Buy her out of the house, but low-ball the offer. Get her account balances and make sure she hasn’t somehow stashed more than you have.
/r/Divorce_Men24/07/24 08:03 AM
6

Get a lawyer, stat. Then, go see a therapist, or even your primary care provider and tell them that you do not feel safe (because you definitely ARENT!!!). Tell them what you are experiencing. Gray rock her be as plain and boring as you can be and limit everything you say to her. Do not give her any emotional reaction. Seriously, get outside help ASAP. Edit - It’s scary and hard to do this, but re-read what you wrote. There are resources out there that can help you to not get destroyed. And don’…
/r/Divorce_Men24/07/24 05:24 AM
2

Agree. Get your ducks in a row and then serve her with a surprise. She doesn’t need any more time to plot and plan against you. She’s shown she’s already doing enough of that.
/r/Divorce_Men24/07/24 03:54 AM
2

Similar here. She made me a better person. I don’t want to be that guy before her again. But, the activities she introduced me to, I loved them. Just before the divorce she said she hated me for them, claiming that I only do the because I want to prove I’m better than here. Her point was BS - I just like being good at things I like to do. But that comment cut so hard - I lost all joy in working out, running, skiing, biking, camping etc because of that comment. I still do them, but the damage is …
/r/Divorce_Men24/07/24 03:41 AM
2

This is how I learned about projection and DARVO too.
/r/Divorce_Men13/07/24 07:58 PM
3

Yeah, gotta love the comments saying “those women in girl girl relationships experienced their abuse at the hands of a man and therefore turned gay.”
/r/Divorce_Men12/07/24 09:36 PM
8

To anyone reading this and wondering if you should keep it, do what these guys did. It’s your nest, make it totally your’s.
/r/Divorce_Men11/07/24 02:24 AM
4

Whine club.
/r/Divorce_Men11/07/24 02:22 AM
2

I don’t think they can. Mine couldn’t and I heard she still doesn’t - that she has to watch Netflix shows til 3 am until she’s too exhausted to stay awake.
/r/Divorce_Men11/07/24 12:58 AM
12

It’s not just that, it’s an allergy to accountability. They have to make us the bad guys otherwise they can’t live with themselves knowing they are assholes. (Not all, just the ones we’ve seemed to have married.)I think deep down inside they know what their games are and the effects, but they’re just so selfish and self-righteous that they can’t handle the truth, which is that they’re not perfect.
/r/Divorce_Men11/07/24 12:28 AM
2

Mine threw me a shitty birthday party, denied me even a kiss and then dumped me 1 week later.
/r/Divorce_Men10/07/24 08:57 PM
8

The fact that she told me she loved me just hours before revealing her scheme kills me. Then to find out she’d been plotting for over a year…WTF! That’s some diabolical evil shit. 3 years later, I’m glad I don’t have to deal with her bs any more but damn, the bleeding chest wound that left me with seems almost incurable and has me wondering how I can ever trust anyone else ever again.
/r/Divorce_Men10/07/24 07:54 PM
3

Just don’t look for validation… that makes it weird.
/r/MenSupportMen09/07/24 06:29 AM
5

Sounds like bad karma to me, but I can understand. Like Chris Rock said “I don’t agree with the action, but UNDERSTAND.” Just a matter of time that she trades him in too. Best revenge is to find your happiness and let her see that you can do better.
/r/Divorce_Men09/07/24 03:22 AM
4

I can’t tell if she changed it back or not - she seems to go by both as far as I can tell based on various correspondence and rumors but I’m not trying to figure it out. To be honest, I’d rather she do change it back because she is no longer the person that wanted it and i want nothing to do with her any more.
/r/Divorce_Men07/07/24 01:19 AM
3

Lawyer up ( if you haven’t) and cut her off from all direct communication. Walk away with as clean a slate as you can. Forget about all the friends you had in common - she’s gotten to them already. Get a paternity test. She’s got a game plan and this is just the beginning.
/r/Divorce_Men07/07/24 01:09 AM
3

Good attitude and keep fighting for you. And never let another woman get the upper hand like that again.
/r/Divorce_Men02/07/24 12:58 AM
2

Lawyer up and tell him what you told us. God speed and good luck.
/r/Divorce_Men01/07/24 05:09 PM
12

Listen to your body. It might not be ready for a relationship or not ready for a relationship with this woman. If you’re sensing that she’s controlling, you might have to test that and say no just to see how she reacts. Either way, the body keeps the score and one of the reasons so many of us marry the wrong woman is because we ignored our body and our emotions that should have told us to run for the hills. I think this is why it’s so important to meditate, learn our wants, needs and boundaries …
/r/Divorce_Men30/06/24 05:49 AM
5

Yeah same here. Whenever I start feeling sorry for myself I come here and see how lucky I’ve got it.
/r/Divorce_Men27/06/24 10:56 PM
3

I spent a couple grand splitting mediation and fees, but lost out on at least 50k in equity, tools, and such. Figured I’d wind up like others and actually be in the hole for way worse if I didn’t settle. Seeing some of the stories here, I’d be willing to bet in a parallel universe, that version of me that fought is still going through it years later and in debt past my ass.
/r/Divorce_Men27/06/24 09:31 PM
1

Yeah man that stuff was the hardest part to deal with and to also realize is untrue. Godspeed, bro.
/r/Divorce_Men27/06/24 06:29 AM
2

I didn’t do some of these things, like getting a lawyer and even though I got a good deal, I regret not standing up for myself. I had no idea at the time how deep that self inflicted wound went.
/r/Divorce_Men27/06/24 05:18 AM
2

It saddens me to say you are doing the right thing. Take care of you first now. Make sure the kids are a very close second. She’s on her own now. You’ve done all you can. Listen to your lawyer. Listen to your therapist. Know you will get through this and know you’re not alone, no matter how lonely it gets. Lastly, start to envision what your ideal life will be like. Keep that vision close and find a way to appreciate that you now get to chase a dream.
/r/Divorce_Men27/06/24 05:12 AM
9

Yeah, I don’t ever want to feel so disposable again. Especially by someone who made me feel so indisposable and unreplaceable for so long.
/r/Divorce_Men26/06/24 12:00 AM
11

I ignored them. When she showed up half an hour late I took it as “she’s so important at work” as opposed to she’s disrespectful of me. I ignored how critical she was of others and how she might turn that towards me. She was a quitter and I looked past that.And why? Because the good times were that good. She brought out some of the best in me. And I always that that someday we’d get back there. I was wrong.
/r/Divorce_Men24/06/24 07:33 AM
1

“You put the kettle on the wrong burner.” Did that a few times. It was almost as bad as the time I left my socks in the living room or bought the yellow cheddar instead of the white. Thanks for reminding me of what I don’t have to put up with now.
/r/Divorce_Men20/06/24 04:07 AM
5

I have friends now, like lots of friends. I’m still hurt and a bit bitter about the breakup and all, but my life is greatly improved socially. I even started my own small business. But what I miss most are the family moments. Morning cuddles when the kiddo woke us up, vacations, dinner together, etc. Even though I have a lot more friends than ever, I feel quite lonely still.
/r/Divorce_Men19/06/24 07:57 PM
1

Same here. I’m not letting her take him away or give up on him. My son deserves better than that.
/r/Divorce_Men18/06/24 06:33 PM
3

Get a lawyer. They can help you more than you know. Get a therapist. They will help you with dealing with the thoughts and can give perspective. Accept the hurt. There’s no way around it. It’s not to earn a merit badge, but more like a mountain pass you have to climb to get out of the valley of despair you’re in. Let it hurt and know it will hurt less and less over time. DO NOT APPLY PERMANENT SOLUTIONS TO TEMPORARY PROBLEMS. Get with friends. New friends old friends, etc. Custody exchanges - do…
/r/Divorce_Men15/06/24 05:45 PM
2

I second this after learning the hard way btw. Don't do what I did and learn from my mistake.
/r/Divorce_Men15/06/24 02:13 AM
7

I feel you man. I’ve tried therapy, men’s groups, journaling, drugs, alcohol, clean living, refocusing my purpose, working out, being lazy, etc and 3 years later I still wake up with “fuck you I miss you and I hate you”. You just gotta keep working on you and in your own timeline realize things do get better. I know I’m still getting better everyday, but yeah I still have those thoughts and feelings too. One day at a time.
/r/Divorce_Men14/06/24 11:56 PM
6

Being that I know her patterns and how hurt she can be if someone doesn’t like something she does, I know she’s not happier just because she can’t be happy. Sure she’ll have some fun wild times I’m sure, but she’s just using them to get her jollies and will discard them once she’s gotten what she wants. In my case, she wanted me to be her kids dad. Guess there’s something to say for that but at least I can sleep at night knowing I haven’t destroyed every friendship and relationship I ever had.
/r/Divorce_Men14/06/24 05:45 AM
3

Mine threatened to destroy me if I didn’t agree to her terms of what the community property was worth. So I low-balled values in mediation to keep the peace. Cost me 50k at least but I didn’t have to go through hell in the courts and that’s all paper money, not debt to a lawyer.
/r/Divorce_Men14/06/24 05:42 AM
3

This is the saddest part. No amount of Schadenfreude is worth seeing the damage it does to the kids. She’s gonna turn my son into the Nice Guy that she despises in me and can’t even see it.
/r/Divorce_Men14/06/24 05:37 AM
2

We pretended in front of the kid for 2 months, otherwise we each went to our own room. When I moved out (under threat of “I’ll destroy you if you don’t”) she started buying me appliances from yard sales (things she never went to). Then she showed off the old place when I went back to pick up kid saying “aren’t you proud of all the beautiful landscaping you did last fall?” just before telling our son in front of me all the cool things she’s planned for the weekend. It was Hell and I was a mental …
/r/Divorce_Men14/06/24 04:57 AM
1

When I cracked a joke about poly relationships and someone pulled me aside to reveal that the ex wife’s new best friends were poly. Later found out they were trying to get her to leave me ever since they met (years in the making). Fast forward 3 years and nobody talks to each other now.
/r/Divorce_Men14/06/24 01:10 AM
2

Way better off. As I reeling and healing I stopped taking shit at work. Got a new job description and a big raise. I was terrified of speaking my truth, but it’s worked out. I also started a side gig and still have tons of time to play, enjoy and relax. If I can get back to my cheap spending habits and stop behaving like a bachelor I’ll be really well off.
/r/Divorce_Men14/06/24 12:17 AM
2

Good take on what seems to be SOP for lots of people.
/r/Divorce_Men05/06/24 08:41 PM
1

Actually, I think we’re encouraging him to embrace all the weird shit we did and still do during these phases in life. It’s okay. Be weird, get primal. Do your own thing. It’s okay to hurt and distract and reflect and d hi tract and reflect and scratch your balls and everything else.
/r/Divorce_Men04/05/24 07:48 AM
1

This. Not to diminish your pain - it’s real and your emotions are valid. Appreciate how fortunate you actually are the opportunity this presents to become your best self - someone you love and are proud and happy to be. It’s hard to see this now so early in the stages it you’re in, but at some point you have to lick your wounds, learn your lessons, be kind to yourself for having to, and realize, you get to start over and be who you want to be. Do that first before dating again - you don’t need s…
/r/Divorce_Men04/05/24 07:45 AM
2

She will starve without the drama. Taking away the drama can be the cruelest thing you could do.
/r/Divorce_Men12/04/24 04:22 PM
1

Ditto. I loved the good times those photos represented. I do t go back to them but I’m leaving them there. If for nothing else that when her or her family stalk my page they can all see what she tossed away.
/r/Divorce_Men09/02/24 09:04 AM
1

Exactly and toxic people around them usually cause this, then once they're divorced and free, these people step back and watch the chaos That's exactly what happened with my ex. Apparently none of them talk to each other now.
/r/Divorce_Men01/11/23 04:58 PM
3

Mine told me that the only reason she had a kid and married me is because men want to trap women in relationships and hold them down. But guess who did all the wedding planning and ran the fertility calendar??? One hint - not me.
/r/Divorce_Men23/09/23 02:03 PM
–

That was her reasoning actually. Her parents were miserable with each other and she was feeling like we were going the same way. I thought we could choose not to become like them - even though she was becoming more and more like her mom everyday. Cold, detached, dismissive and contemptuous and constantly changing her mind. She left me when I called her out on her behavior. I was miserable too with the relationship near the end, but we were a family, etc, etc etc…
/r/Divorce_Men02/06/23 03:52 PM
2

Exactly how I feel about my marriage/divorce. She pushed for marriage and for kids and once we had one, she went on a power trip. Then had the audacity to accuse me of being manipulative and controlling while she’s the one lying, cheating, scheming and stealing. Hell she even claimed that the breakup was inevitable anyways, because marriage is just a failed institution for toxic masculinity and the desire to trap women! Had I known then what I know now. And to think I cry over her still, despite…
/r/Divorce_Men14/05/23 06:30 PM
2

I second this. You seem to have an idea of what a happy person is like. Go pretend to be that person. Pretend that you are likeable and loveable. Pretend how a successful writer might self publish their books and do it. Pretend how a successful game designer might get their game out there and made popular and then do it. Sounds like you have absolutely nothing to lose as it is, so why not. Maybe all that pretending will lead to enough success that it will kill you and then guess what, it’s a win…
/r/MenSupportMen28/07/22 05:42 AM
5

Agreed. I wouldn’t be too happy to find out my partner was going off and getting fingered.
/r/Divorce_Men15/07/22 06:44 PM
1

Eh I think it was just something beneath her. I think it had more to do with her BPD, than feminism actually.
/r/MensRights15/07/22 03:15 PM
1

We split some of the duties, but I did a lot of housework simply because I work from home.
/r/MensRights15/07/22 02:00 PM
46

My feminist ex would NEVER take out the trash or recycling. She’d fill the bins to overflowing and yell at me to take them out
/r/MensRights14/07/22 06:55 PM
5

It’s actually a recognized form of emotional abuse.
/r/MensRights14/07/22 02:40 AM
3

They are nutty religious fundamentalists at this point. Feminism is gaining many classic signs of cult like behavior from purity and loyalty tests to ostracizing members who are not pure enough. Like many cults, it encourages members to renounce their values and to abandon their family and loved ones in pursuit of the interests of the organization.
/r/MensRights14/07/22 02:34 AM
3

There’s a reason the taliban are so strict with their women. After getting burned by a liberal woman I’m starting to understand where they are coming from.
/r/Divorce_Men26/06/22 02:27 PM
10

No. This is a huge step backward for everyone. The state being able to say which medical procedures anyone can or can't have is a terrible violation of human rights.
/r/MensRights24/06/22 05:31 PM
4

I was on board with it until things went extreme in 2020. Like, what’s wrong with equal rights? But then it went nuts when she told me to talk to my 5 year old about white male privilege.
/r/MensRights14/06/22 12:17 AM
34

My ex wife starting talking this BS in 2020 just as things were really starting to sour in the relationship.
/r/MensRights13/06/22 12:46 AM
1

My mom was awful and nasty about my dad, belittling him constantly behind his back, sometimes even going so low as to complain about her sex life to me.
/r/MensRights10/06/22 05:10 AM
2

Meh, even that ain’t enough eventually.
/r/MensRights10/06/22 01:10 AM
3

I don’t go that way but a gay friend said it best - “I don’t understand how you straightees deal with their shit.”
/r/MensRights09/06/22 07:56 PM
4

Read the Rational Male. He goes into great detail about how the bf stage transitions into simp husband stage.
/r/MensRights09/06/22 07:55 PM
1

I still believe marriage is worth it. I would never trade the memories I gained from it. But, I think it’s IMPERATIVE to understand the dynamics of relationships and to set boundaries around these micro aggressions and to be willing to pull the plug when things stop working out. Just make sure you have a great pre-nup first.
/r/MensRights09/06/22 07:54 PM
8

Living it.
/r/MensRights09/06/22 07:37 PM
2

Did she even grab a glass and crack it over his head?
/r/MensRights09/06/22 05:16 PM
7

Worst thing is I miss the shit out of her. Hell I even miss some of the honey do lists. I’m 1-year out and my heart is still crushed.
/r/MensRights09/06/22 02:11 PM
80

I relate to this. In my marriage it got to the point that pretty much everything could devolve into an argument. If I didn’t disagree, I was accused of just “teasing her”. If I stood up for myself I was accused of being manipulative and controlling. When I asked for my needs to be met, I was needy. If I gave her space, I wasn’t being present. If I stuck around the house I was being clingy. I tried to appease her but it was just never enough.
/r/MensRights09/06/22 05:12 AM
2

I’ve been seeing a therapist to deal with regret with moving out and that. He told me “Do you know would have happened if you did? You would have killed your self. Because if you can’t handle your own safe place outside the home, just imagine how you would have been staying there.”
/r/Divorce_Men08/06/22 09:55 PM
2

I have been a doubter, then a supporter and now I don't know how the hell I feel, other than I am definitely not identifying as being a feminist now. When it was all about equality and respect, I thought hell yes, women and men are people and all people should be treated well. I didn't think my ex-wife should have to settle for less pay just because she's a woman, or get disrespected simply because she's female. If you can do the job, you should be paid for how well you do that job. However, wit…
/r/MensRights01/06/22 05:45 PM
1

I have every wed and thurs and then every other fri sat and sun.
/r/Divorce_Men21/05/22 06:07 PM
1

I do a 2-2-5-5. My days are wed and Thurs and it sucks. Want to take an early weekend? Nope, gotta watch the kid. I highly suggest if you do 2255, take Monday Tuesday
/r/Divorce_Men21/05/22 03:57 PM
2

And in the end, she even said “you need to make yourself happy” and when I started to do just that, she dumped me.
/r/Divorce_Men14/05/22 09:51 PM
8

I definitely have felt pressure from women to suppress emotions and be a strong steady rock. When I did express emotions, I was accused of being manipulative for sharing them. Essentially I was not allowed to feel the negative emotions angry, sad, scared or disgusted. I thought I was just letting that shit go but I realize now I was suppressing it.
/r/MensRights14/05/22 04:00 PM
1

Because a lot of women are way more promiscuous than they want to admit or be found out about.
/r/MensRights14/05/22 03:41 PM
2

Yeah, this number is more about venting frustration than anything else. The idea that a relationship could be reduced to a monthly rent is so overly fucked up, I almost can’t believe she said it. This post is nothing more than just giving her a theoretical taste of her own medicine. Unless she follows this thread, she shouldn’t ever find out about this equation.
/r/Divorce_Men14/05/22 10:36 AM
5

They feel like they have to avenge their grandmothers for the way the times were back then or something.
/r/Divorce_Men24/04/22 11:54 PM
3

More weekends away without the kid, me taking better care of my myself and working on my own social life and actually building my photography business. I should have just made more decisions about things instead of consulting with her or caving into her desires. For instance, instead of waffling on the 3 things to do w/ the property, I should have just done what I wanted to do. I didn't lead enough and I hate myself for it.
/r/Divorce_Men24/04/22 05:48 PM
3

This is part of how I got divorced! My ex came up with this same damned line in 2020 and we had a huge blowout. I didn’t understand what it was supposed to accomplish except to make him feel guilty for me if born white and male. Needless to say, we are now doing our own values which means she gets to brainwash him however she likes and vice versa. This woke shit in that last couple of years destroyed my marriage despite me voting and fighting for equal rights etc. in the end, nothing short of fe…
/r/Divorce_Men24/04/22 03:25 AM
66

This is anecdotal, but w/ my feminist ex wife and her sister, not showing emotion meant I was distant. When I did, I was told it came off either as bragging, being better than everyone else, being needy or making myself the victim. Whatever my feelings were, they were wrong and offensive to them in the end, regardless if I was happy or sad or mad.
/r/MensRights23/04/22 03:06 PM
5

How long were you watching my marriage?
/r/MensRights23/04/22 02:09 PM
1

Sounds like a personal choice to me. All I know is that men and women can both destroy a toilet equally. And to be honest, the worst bathrooms I've ever had to clean were the women's room.
/r/MensRights22/04/22 02:10 AM
6

I miss it. It was totally my fidget spinner. I still have mine and tried it once and had to take it right back off.
/r/Divorce_Men20/04/22 01:07 AM
13

We had it good for millennia. Well, not us men in modern society but hey we are supposed to pay for our forefathers or something like that.
/r/MensRights16/04/22 12:07 AM
1

Thanks. There's definitely something like that going on w/ me. Fixing it is in the works. I'm meeting w/ a therapist soon and contemplating hiring a life coach.
/r/Divorce_Men14/04/22 02:33 AM
2

Good luck to you too man. I actually have a gf or something like that too. She mentioned that when her ex tried to get w/ a new chick, he locked himself in the bathroom and called her b/c the idea of intimacy was too much. Anyways, yeah, moving on isn't exactly so easy for us guys.
/r/Divorce_Men14/04/22 01:36 AM
1

She sent along frozen dough balls and baked goods that were in the freezer.
/r/Divorce_Men13/04/22 07:54 PM
1

I hate spending time by myself. That guys an asshole.
/r/Divorce_Men13/04/22 10:21 AM
7

My ex, who did most of the wedding planning, was all-in in marrying, etc, recently claimed that marriage was just a way for men to trap women. The propaganda got to her and she completely rewrote history in her head to somehow think I enslaved her.
/r/MensRights08/04/22 02:26 AM
0

My ex, who did most of the wedding planning, was all-in in marrying, etc, recently claimed that marriage was just a way for men to trap women. The propaganda got to her and she completely rewrote history in her head to somehow think I enslaved her.
/r/MensRights08/04/22 02:26 AM
13

Equality for all. And I really don’t want to be judged as a sexist for having a different opinion. And I really don’t want to be judged by my gender and race. I thought feminism was trying to solve that issue, not just flip the dynamic.
/r/MensRights01/04/22 10:11 PM
3

To be fair, those dead men are no longer suffering.
/r/MensRights31/03/22 03:34 PM
2

My ex wife lumped me into the patriarchy. She never used that word until she dove into feminist podcasts and media during quarantine.
/r/MensRights30/03/22 12:08 PM
2

Checkout clusterbmilkshake in YouTube.
/r/Divorce_Men28/03/22 09:10 PM
5

There's a lot of good supportive guys there and the group has helped me a ton.
/r/Divorce_Men28/03/22 08:15 PM
0

Their sexism is a-ok.
/r/MensRights26/03/22 09:30 PM
2

There’s other red flags that suggest this too, from financial control to isolation and devaluation. The worst one was she accused me of being a narcissist and that rabbit hole has just wrecked me.
/r/MensRights26/03/22 09:29 PM
11

I don’t think it’s fair to them until they’re old enough to understand…. Late teens or twenties. I’ll tell my kid we are not getting along or that we are just angry with each other but leave it at that. My kids only 7 though. I hope I can keep my resolve because sometimes it’s hard not to say something.
/r/Divorce_Men26/03/22 06:19 PM
7

I was taught by my ex that taking pride in anything I excelled at or being physically strong or disagreeing with her was all a result of toxic masculinity. In other words, anytime I thought different or she couldn’t measure up was an excuse to attack my so called toxicity. And you know what, it worked. I now hate myself for all the things that make me feel good because it feels as if that all caused her to cheat on me and leave me. I know it’s a bs excuse but damn what a head job it’s done to me…
/r/MensRights26/03/22 03:41 AM
7

I’m sitting next to him right now. I love him so much but damnit, I just want to run away and forget this entire life and start over. But I won’t because I love him
/r/MensRights26/03/22 01:56 AM
3

Gender roles can be torn up and thrown in the trash, HOWEVER…. The problem I’ve experienced is that it’s okay for a woman to take in as many masculine roles as she wants, BUT, many will hold it against a man if he picks up the slack in the missing feminine roles, or worse, they’ll hold it against you that she’s taking on the roles that she is deciding to do (because secretly she wants you to do those things but doesn’t trust you to or has her own opinions on). It’s a damned catch 22 with feminis…
/r/MensRights26/03/22 01:06 AM
16

My ex wife bought so hard unto the latest version of feminism that overnight I became a chauvinist privileged white male only focused on maintaining the patriarchy. I don’t understand how that’s possible, other than I disagreed from her from time to time. But apparently my support of liberal causes and encouraging her to follow her dreams and career were obviously holding her back. All thanks to the echo chamber of social media and corporatism and profiteering off our most sensitive divides.
/r/MensRights26/03/22 12:59 AM
2

Oh you want forever? You got it, divorce is forever.
/r/Divorce_Men26/03/22 12:54 AM
2

I just want to say I feel all of this and that you’re not alone.
/r/Divorce_Men22/03/22 11:44 AM
3

We just gotta get it through our heads that mens only is bad, women only good and totally fair because it used to be opposite even though none of us probably were like that.
/r/MensRights22/03/22 02:00 AM
1

This article sums up the end of my marriage. Anything I did that made me feel good was “toxic masculinity”. Anything … and I mean anything she did was just her unleashing her feminism — even if that meant just her sitting on the couch in her phone and watching Netflix.
/r/MensRights21/03/22 05:40 AM
1

So much this here.
/r/Divorce_Men21/03/22 04:38 AM
22

Women think we aren’t supposed to have emotions. That’s their realm, not ours.
/r/MensRights06/03/22 01:55 AM
4

Damn you got me thinking I really want to ask if that’s why she sent them down here.
/r/Divorce_Men19/02/22 05:35 AM
7

She initiated. It was complicated. I lost my frame and she needed to untame her inner cheetah.
/r/Divorce_Men19/02/22 04:34 AM
11

During COVID quarantine it was if she interpreted everything I did or said as a direct intention to hurt her. I guess this is her “revenge”.
/r/Divorce_Men19/02/22 01:00 AM
1

I’m sorry to hear that. I hope your recovery gets better every day.
/r/Divorce_Men18/02/22 06:19 AM
1

She seriously started detaching summer 2020 and then told me March 2021 she was done. Finalized in sept 2021. Together 15 years, married 11. Our son was 6 at the time. She had 2 miscarriages a few years ago and we never really recovered from that. I’ll add that after having started working on myself and doing the mens work stuff (NMMNG, Rational Male, 3% Man) I’ve realized just how much of an unattractive beta chump I’ve been the past few years too and so I’m owning that I was far from perfect t…
/r/Divorce_Men14/02/22 05:20 AM
3

Mine got her extreme feminism from UNTAMED. Same sort of divine feminism BS though.
/r/Divorce_Men14/02/22 01:49 AM
7

These thoughts are normal, as is the insomnia and the Stockholm Syndrome too. It’s all part of the grieving process. Try not to beat yourself up too much. Many of us when we’re boys we’re never taught or even allowed to stand up for ourselves or how to truly express our emotions.
/r/Divorce_Men13/02/22 05:40 AM
6

All so she can run around with her single childless friends and get trashed and fuck around.
/r/Divorce_Men12/02/22 07:56 PM
12

I found a woman who seems really into me, is sweet and in much better shape than my ex. She is kinder and more adventurous even. But I can’t help but compare the two and I find myself missing the connection I used to have with my ex wife. I also find myself not trusting much either. It’s as if I lost large piece of my innocence that I’ll never get back.
/r/Divorce_Men12/02/22 06:42 PM
9

This happened to me and it sent me down some really dark rabbit holes despite her being the one being controlling, manipulative and doing the gaslighting. She just projecting her feelings on you — it makes her feel better that you’re the bad guy and it helps her to justify detaching from you. Try not to beat yourself up too much, but now that you are probably aware of the concepts involved, use them to learn and grow.
/r/Divorce_Men09/02/22 11:51 PM
2

Makes perfect sense. She went on a control spree and when OP didn’t back down, she figured out how to get the boyfriend to change his schedule instead.
/r/Divorce_Men06/02/22 06:49 PM
6

Fingers with blisters
/r/Divorce_Men27/01/22 10:23 PM
1

I was an emotional mess when we negotiated her getting it. The place felt haunted and I couldn’t wait to get out. Then, after a month out of the house. It hit me and I’ve regretted it ever since…. Especially since it’s increased in value 30% since.
/r/Divorce_Men20/01/22 10:50 PM
6

So much this. After divorce she insists I live up to our agreements. Vows however apparently meant nothing.
/r/Divorce_Men13/01/22 02:50 AM
5

Well I’m divorced now after saying something along those lines so I’m yeah…
/r/MensRights20/12/21 12:27 AM
5

I couldn’t let my son get cut. One look into those eyes there was no way I could let someone hurt him like that. I couldn’t understand why my parents chose to have that happen to me. It’s absolutely barbaric.
/r/MensRights16/12/21 08:21 PM
17

Read No more mister nice guy by Robert Glover. When she bitches about the dishes, tell her you’ve already done enough and if it that big of a deal then get off her ass and do them. Set some boundaries and expectations for both of you and the stand by them. She will push and push against them. Stand firm. If it’s meant to be it’ll work out. If not, then welcome to the single dad club
/r/MensRights15/12/21 05:36 AM
9

That was exactly the excuse she used. All So she can go out drinking with her sister and friends (who have no kids).
/r/MensRights10/12/21 03:56 AM
8

I know I "won" with the half custody thing, I'm just struggling with the fact that she could do this to us. And that if a man did this sort of thing, he'd be crucified for it.
/r/MensRights09/12/21 11:54 PM
1

The worst thing is that these things do mean a lot to me. She still means a lot to me, but damn, I'm so hurt and sad and angry and guilty. Looking at those damned things just kills me.
/r/Divorce_Men08/12/21 03:35 PM
9

Can I get a drill sergeant to move in with me and tell me to do these things all day everyday?
/r/Divorce_Men05/12/21 10:15 PM
8

Too many Feminists don’t want to settle for equality anymore — they want want to rule everything and subjugate men like they think their grandmothers were. And they’ll use any tactic to get there.
/r/MensRights03/12/21 05:08 AM
3

Once you find out how to be happy by yourself, you'll be able to be infinitely happier with someone else And that is where I need to do A LOT of work. Thanks for all your replies.
/r/Divorce_Men02/12/21 10:26 PM
3

Yeah, the last 2 years have been awfully lonely with lots of bossiness, contempt and coldness, yet I still miss her like a drug.
/r/Divorce_Men02/12/21 10:04 PM
3

Damn I wish I had the hard feelings you all have and the love of your independence. But for me what she meant was damn near everything. A companion, a friend someone to look forward to seeing after work and waking up to. An adventure buddy and travel companion. A life partner to share all the good times with. And now that she’s gone I cants stand it. I feel like I’ve lost everything that was worth living for.
/r/Divorce_Men02/12/21 08:00 PM
1

That sucks man. All of it. Thank you for your service and I hope you can find some guys you can open up with. Forget women — they don’t care — they’ll only see it as weakness.
/r/MensRights02/12/21 04:10 AM
27

This. My ex wife could talk non stop about her problems but if I did, I was being selfish or a narcissist. She told me she wasn’t my therapist and then when I saw one, she held it against me.
/r/MensRights02/12/21 03:00 AM
2

Same here man. Sorry you have to go through this bs.
/r/MensRights27/11/21 02:13 AM
1

My mother would so oh stop your crying before I give you something worth crying about.
/r/MensRights24/11/21 03:09 PM
3

I miss her and family life.
/r/Divorce_Men24/11/21 02:45 PM
11

I’ve been crying every day since March.
/r/Divorce_Men23/11/21 11:07 PM
3

My ex wife went bonkers on me last summer about this shit, saying that marriage was just men’s way to trap women into monogamy. Which trips me out since she was the one most into getting married.
/r/MensRights21/11/21 04:59 AM
2

Can we just declare violence bad?
/r/MensRights20/11/21 02:07 AM
4

Hey man hope you can see that you’re doing the best you can. If you feel like you aren’t, identify what you think you can do better and take a small step towards it.
/r/MensRights20/11/21 01:42 AM
5

Me neither. I've been crying nearly every day for months now since this damn thing started and ended.
/r/Divorce_Men18/11/21 09:24 PM
6

I can’t wait to get to the place you’re at.
/r/Divorce_Men18/11/21 07:55 PM
4

Oh my god, she complained so much about her mom doing the same shit to her dad. Silent treatment and stuff like that( which is exactly what she did to me. And yes I see parallels between her and her mom in appearance and personality.
/r/Divorce_Men15/11/21 06:44 AM
1

Yeah, too many times I felt like an employee.
/r/Divorce_Men09/11/21 04:24 AM
1

Fire the motherfucker then. There are plenty others who would be happy to get paid Oh, I mean, he laughed at the idea that I was the narcissist.
/r/Divorce_Men08/11/21 09:07 PM
1

My therapist laughed when I told him that and then said, maybe try codependents anonymous first.
/r/Divorce_Men08/11/21 08:58 PM
4

It’s nuts. I’m left leaning, but even when I agreed with her it wasn’t enough. She came to hate me for having white make privilege and wanted to lecture our 5 year old son about it. She’s the one who grew yo with a silver spoon in her mouth with a place I the keys and a lake house and a boat at each place while I literally grew up in a trailer.
/r/Divorce_Men08/11/21 08:50 PM
8

My ex had an uncle who instilled in them MAP (Men are pigs). In the end I think she came to believe it. Add on constant exposure to extreme leftist propaganda during quarantine and yeah…. I apparently became the enemy.
/r/Divorce_Men08/11/21 08:14 PM
6

Me too brother. Me too.
/r/Divorce_Men08/11/21 07:56 PM
3

The separating was easy. Being separated is killing me. It’s so hard not being part of a team anymore.
/r/Divorce_Men08/11/21 07:26 PM
3

I’m 6 months out of this shit and terribly miss her and the abuse. Nothing I did was ever enough and then she said she was tired because I had too much energy and then she’d stay up til 3 while I went asleep exhausted by 11.
/r/Divorce_Men06/11/21 10:52 PM
8

It's so hard. 15 years together here and now that it's over, it's like the hard times hardly existed. All i remember are the good and i grieve them constantly. Just remember, there is no time machine, we can't go back. Somehow we have to figure out how to look forward.
/r/Divorce_Men01/11/21 03:36 AM
7

Same here. We had 15 years together. Photography was my jam. And when I started getting back into it last year she told me she it made her happy. Then come spring she couldn’t stand that I was getting out and about at sunrise because it annoyed her, and that I was ridiculous for showing off my photos. The she asked for a divorce around the same time (It wasn’t about the photography.) So anyways, I have hard drives and a tower sitting in my office that I haven’t touched since I moved out. There a…
/r/Divorce_Men30/10/21 07:17 PM
1

I can't wait to get to the point where it feels like it was the best thing to happen.
/r/Divorce_Men25/10/21 08:21 PM
1

What about the times when she would only lift her nose from her mobile phone to bark orders at you? You remember no matter how much you did for her, it was never enough? Walking on egg shells? I could go on and on but I'm sure you can relate. This was exactly the problem. No matter what, it was never enough and she just kept trying to make more or new rules. I knew we had issues and that things sucked, but I thought I was nuts fearing divorce. And now I'm struggling with trying to figure out was…
/r/Divorce_Men25/10/21 07:40 PM
5

Oh my god that’s so cruel. Glad to hear you got to a better place.
/r/Divorce_Men25/10/21 03:49 AM
5

Don’t be afraid to talk to your doc. Also look for the sticky here about how to take care of yourself with working out and eating right and being around people. This is hard and I’m afraid to say it will only get harder. Lean on your support network as much as you need to. It’s not easy but you got this.
/r/Divorce_Men25/10/21 01:27 AM
1

Good luck take care of yourself and your family and be the man that she craves. You are right that there is a lot of pain. Thanks for the references. I need all the help I can get right now. I really messed up mine and my sons life by losing her.
/r/Divorce_Men18/10/21 09:07 PM
4

Oh I see it, been seeing it for a while and yet I still miss her and my family unit.
/r/Divorce_Men17/10/21 04:26 PM
2

I wish I would have kept the house and had a plan for paying for it. I wish I would have struck first when she was crying one day wondering whether she wanted to be married anymore. And I also wish I chose Monday Tuesday as my days with my kid (2-2-5-5) since wed/thurs are the best days for starting the weekend early.
/r/Divorce_Men17/10/21 05:10 AM
3

Broke up with my wife… with her for 15 years. Vibes your way.
/r/Divorce_Men16/10/21 11:07 PM
2

Sorry you’re going through that. It’s gotta hurt so much. Vibes to you.
/r/Divorce_Men15/10/21 08:59 PM
2

I can totally relate. Been crying everyday lately reminiscing about the good times and sugar coating the bad. Even though the bad didn’t really seem that bad they were apparently bad. enough for her. And it really hurts worse now than ever before being without her. I know what I did and didn’t do and I regret every bit of it. I can’t stop hating myself for losing her. Despite how cold and distant she was I miss her dearly.
/r/Divorce_Men11/10/21 06:44 PM
6

Mine told me just a couple days after my birthday as well. I’m 6 months after that and 2 weeks away from a finalized divorce and I’m reluctant to tell you I don’t necessarily feel better. I finally went on meds in august and that calmed me down enough to sleep again. The hurt however is still there and every morning pretty much sucks. Do what you need to do to take care of you. Just hope you find comfort knowing these feelings are normal.
/r/Divorce_Men01/10/21 03:38 AM
2

How long did it take you to start feeling better?
/r/Divorce_Men01/10/21 12:51 AM
9

I wish I knew how I’d feel after selling her the home. At the time I couldn’t stand the memories in that place, I was worried about it being a money pit and being house poor, but now the cash means nothing to me — I really miss my home.
/r/Divorce_Men26/09/21 08:32 PM
1

This is the realization I’ve come to about my marriage. We went to therapy and things started looking up but then covid hit and goodbye going out and travel. I admit I didn’t do enough to find a sitter for the kid and pushed too hard for intimacy, but I didn’t give to the needs I knew she wanted and destroyed our life. Knowing these things suck because I can’t stop beating myself up for not showing up how I knew I needed to.
/r/Divorce_Men26/09/21 04:20 PM
1

Thanks guys I appreciate the replies because this morning I can’t stop thinking I can’t do this anymore. Its terrible because it wasn’t that long ago that she said she needed me in her life and then 6 months later wanted a divorce. But now it’s clear that I need her and she doesn’t want me except to be her wed/thurs and every other fri-sat-sun babysitter. Life feels so meaningless without her. Despite all the shit she put me through, I can’t deal with life without her.
/r/Divorce_Men12/09/21 04:34 PM
4

He’s only six - I can’t lean on him. It’s all because I know he needs me that keeps me going. I feel so bad for the little guy.
/r/Divorce_Men12/09/21 05:01 AM
5

This!!!!!
/r/Divorce_Men12/09/21 02:25 AM
5

It’s the grieving process. Just like when the biggest asshole in the whole world dies, people suddenly start talking about what such a great guy he was. Your brain is doing this now missing the absence — even if it’s an absence from some real messed up stuff. I feel it too — all of it — especially that stuff at the end of your post — and it sucks. Just remember this life is the only one we get — no sense in wasting it now just because we are down. We gotta get back up again.
/r/Divorce_Men28/08/21 02:49 AM
6

This!!!
/r/Divorce_Men25/08/21 12:37 AM
8

The lack of getting pussy caused the issues in my marriage but now I don’t miss that—I miss having a partner — someone to look forward to coming home to, dining with traveling with etc.
/r/Divorce_Men22/08/21 08:38 PM
3

I did it. It went smoothly though I’m afraid I lost money in the home buyout. However with that said the difference might just have gone to a lawyer. Do your home work, be sure of what you want and don’t agree to anything until then. Remember you are major major life decisions under a time of duress.
/r/Divorce_Men22/08/21 12:53 AM
3

Take a long vacation without her first to make sure that you are sure. It’s amazing what a couple of weeks or a month might do to help you gain perspective. I’m still on the grieving period and despite the toxicity of the last year and a half, I really miss that bitch and our family.
/r/Divorce_Men19/08/21 12:47 AM
11

Thanks man. I blame myself for pissing off my wife but she’s the one who chose divorce. None if the things I did would be obviously deserving of divorce. But still the poor kid never saw it coming until the day I moved out. We hid it from him until split day and we have a contract not to talk ill of the other around him. In his world we were a happy family until one day we weren’t. What’s worse is that it’s really hard not having someone to tag in and out with. It’s exhausting being the only one…
/r/Divorce_Men15/08/21 04:51 AM
2

Get a lawyer. You can’t think clearly right now. It’s worth the cost. TRUST ME!!! DDINT BE ME!!!
/r/Divorce_Men14/08/21 03:22 PM
5

Lawyer up. You can not think clearly right now. Trust me. You need someone in your corner who can help you through this fog. I didn’t and might regret it for life.
/r/Divorce_Men06/08/21 05:45 PM
2

That was my wife. And any try at intersecting just upset her. But it didn’t matter, she’d still come to bed angry regardless. It sucked so bad.
/r/Divorce_Men05/08/21 03:05 AM
1

How long did it take?
/r/Divorce_Men05/08/21 02:33 AM
You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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