Missing family life

trampledrosetrampled · 2021-09-12T03:28:08+00:00

My brother, I'm sorry that you are hurting and you are doing the right thing by reaching out.

This process fucking sucks and it hurts your feelings everyday. You will have good days and then a string of bad and then eventually it becomes more good than bad. This isn't bullshit, this is the process sand it takes f-o-r-e-v-e-r.

You've got a therapist and you're already trying to better yourself, which is great.

So everyday you get a little better and a little happier and model what a good dad is to that little man. You're already doing the work, you will get there.

When you can feel your worth, others will notice it too and with healthy boundaries, amazing people will enter your life and you will feel love you thought wasn't possible or that you deserved.

But, it's a process and you can't rush it, there are no shortcuts, it's just finding something that makes you happy everyday, doing the work and making small steps everyday.

I hear you loud and clear and if you need to pm a guy, reach out dude.

Calm_Tomato · 2021-09-12T07:04:20+00:00

My STBXW is still at my house. We have 2 kids. I only tolerate her because of our kids. My kids is what drives me every freaking day. We never worked as a couple. When I’m home it’s as if she doesn’t exist since she’s home all the time with the kids (her words). I won’t miss her at all. When I’m home it’s me and kids anyways. It’s always me and kids at the park, the beach, the pool, doctor appointments. You name it, I’m there and she isn’t. My daughter is in Girl Scouts and even one of the moms thought I was a single dad because they never saw her. I’m done with her. I don’t hate her but I have so much resentment towards her. I feel she failed as a partner. Im sure she feels the same way about me but when one person only thinks about sex and nothing else, it becomes so much less enjoyable. Im the one who cooks, does the grocery shopping, attends all doctor/dental appointments, works, helps with cleaning the house/laundry, takes the kids to school, helps with homework (during my lunch time), and handles the bills. What exactly do I need her for? She’s the mother of my kids and I respect her as that but nothing more.

sicrm · 2021-09-12T04:24:15+00:00

people don’t prioritize two parent households as much anymore.

you need to build your own support system.

it’s awesome you have a son to lean on but he’s gonna need someone to lean on too.

Grousers · 2021-09-12T10:02:16+00:00

I miss my two little boys as well. Every single night. Focus on building a better you when the kids are not around and make the time together the best when they are. The fact you care this much shows your quality as a father. Her loss

ElliotMarriott · 2021-09-12T16:11:31+00:00

Hey man Do not get into any sort of serious relationship. Like everyone else has said please work on your self . As much as it hurts you will get use to it. I love being alone now. Keep your alcohol and drug intact to a minimal this sill help you vastly. Every time I want to drink or party I put that money toward my son rdsp

ThenAndNowRetro87 · 2021-09-12T20:44:38+00:00

Narcissistic personality man... it’s common

pegleg_legal · 2021-09-13T05:08:53+00:00

Learning to value yourself enough to be motivated by it is so damn hard. But we are worth it no matter how much we've been brainwashed to think otherwise. You're worth it. Treat yourself like your own best friend.

ThenAndNowRetro87 · 2021-09-12T20:41:02+00:00

I don’t have a kid but I have a dog and a house we’ve almost finished remodeling. The STBXW, after being married the last 3 of the 11 years together, well she finally used mommy’s money for the 20k down payment on a house (2017) just before we got married (oct 6, 2018)

She didn’t want my name on the mortgage which I thought was odd but no big deal, turns out it was very odd and very much a big deal. She thinks I’m just going to walk away and leave her the house that I poured so much of my time money sweat and blood in to. I pulled it all out with the help of an experienced neighbor. Carpet, trim, doors, door jams, tile, kitchen counters, 2 bathroom vanities, a stand up tile shower (built in the 60s) a bath tub with a sledge hammer.... I spent time before work, after work, my days off, took an unpaid week off. The ups and downs with her and the house and the dog all my

After always helping her at the expense of my own help, she wants me to start over recovering from a divorce and a zero dollar bank account.

Way more to the story in this physical and mental abusive relationship but right now I’m living here saving “looking for a place” and preparing to get my rightful share.

I’m on the equity loan, tax returns went to the remodel, we lived paycheck to paycheck with mine paying for the mortgage and equity loan.

I was okay with her quitting her job and working on her on skin care products at home where for over a year she basically made money for groceries.

Because of her working on her craft she started hanging out with this dude a few weeks before she said divorce, she told me he was gay and she didn’t have any friends.

She’s really happy enjoying herself thinking it’s going to be perfect for her while I was stressed to the point of going crazy, still having to go to a high performance job every day...

ThenAndNowRetro87 · 2022-05-17T02:39:19+00:00

How are you holding up? Been 8 months for me and my mind has begun to mend. I've been deep diving everything a lot, trying to control that, but I had to understand why it messed me up so bad. Which led me to learning about other people and how we change each others brains.. not very well put, but I will say there's been some spooky periods lol. Strange stuff, but I'm thankful to have made it though (still battling, but I'm no longer broken) and it's made my mind powerful

Title	Missing family life
Author	fixingmedaybyday
Upvotes	30
Comments	22
Date	September 12, 2021 2:30 AM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/pmkeq7/missing_family_life/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/missing-family-life.1069168 https://theredarchive.com/post/1069168