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Calm_Tomato Archive

View 2 posts and 108 comments by Calm_Tomato on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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Upvotes Title Category Author Subreddit Date (UTC)
8

Calm_Tomato/r/Divorce_Men16/06/21 04:27 PM
3

Calm_Tomato/r/Divorce_Men24/03/21 04:43 AM
Upvotes Comment on Subreddit Date (UTC)
7

Nope
/r/Divorce_Men15/05/26 04:12 PM
2

I deleted every picture that had her in it. If I come across one then I delete it immediately. Move on. Don’t look back.
/r/Divorce_Men30/04/26 10:23 PM
3

I went into survival mode for the the first few years. Budgeted like a maniac, didn’t date, cut 401k to the bare minimum, no eating out, etc. once the payments eased up a bit I started rebuilding everything.
/r/Divorce_Men01/02/26 11:04 PM
22

Yes and we’re also abusers 🤪
/r/Divorce_Men01/02/26 04:17 PM
2

Nope. Stopped at 3 kids. I’m happy I got it.
/r/Divorce_Men20/11/25 02:23 AM
7

You married Jason Bourne…. That’s next level affair shit. Using old tech, hide emails, etc. she needs to write a book on how to do it. I’m beyond interested. Kidding of course. Where’s the trust for your wife? It probably feels different because you think she cheated. She probably thinks you’re ridiculous and so do I.
/r/Divorce_Men31/10/25 02:49 PM
5

I only communicate over the app. Never talk to her. Same thing is happening to me… abuse, narcissist, told friends about it, wrote a chapter in a book about her ex being financially and emotionally abusive, most recently made a go fund me page to ask for money so she can built her life up and get an attorney, the list goes on and on. I just ignore it all. Don’t talk to those old friends anymore, not because of what she said but because I want to be done with that old life and make a new one. Tho…
/r/Divorce_Men24/09/25 02:00 PM
3

I get that but take it from someone who didn’t go for 50/50 in the beginning. I regret that everyday. Now I’m in the process of trying to get 50/50 and it’s not easy to change custody once it’s been established. It doesn’t matter what she wants. Also think about what you want and if you’re ok with the custody arrangement forever. I couldn’t do 50/50 because I don’t get home till 9 pm. Now that I’m able to do it, it’s an uphill battle.
/r/Divorce_Men03/08/25 07:02 PM
1

I’m assuming you aren’t going after 50/50 custody. If you are, move closer.
/r/Divorce_Men03/08/25 06:43 PM
2

I honestly wasn’t planning on getting remarried. Another kid I was always open about it. I feel like I got incredibly lucky and we’ve been together for a few years already and she’s still the same person as when we first met. Friends and family told me that everyone puts on their best foot forward in the beginning and to just wait to see who she really is. She’s incredibly religious, traditional values/roles, her family is great and I get along with all of them. Her family is always helping in s…
/r/Divorce_Men18/06/25 07:13 PM
2

These are my exact words. I feel I’m a much better dad now. Calmer, doing the best I can, not trying to do to much and getting frustrated when not everything goes according to plan, being ok with things breaking, etc.
/r/Divorce_Men18/06/25 05:35 PM
2

It’s all a personal choice. I had one more kid after I got divorced but I wanted another one. I did get a vasectomy after my 3rd kid as I knew I was done.
/r/Divorce_Men18/06/25 04:55 PM
1

Honestly, here’s what I’ve learned. You have to find someone who meets your values, intelligence and income. I know money isn’t “important” but it truly is. If things don’t work out, you’re both on even playing fields. In the end, it all becomes transactional if things go south.
/r/Divorce_Men13/06/25 03:48 PM
1

Nope. I was young and stupid.
/r/Divorce_Men13/06/25 02:31 PM
1

I kept the dream… replaced the ex, new wife is amazing, treats her stepkids great, has a professional career, sky is the limit, ex won’t talk to me anymore 🤣
/r/Divorce_Men13/06/25 01:54 PM
3

I would do 50/50. I took a 60/40 schedule because of my work schedule. If I could do it over, I would take 50/50 and do whatever it takes to make it work. Now I’m constantly fighting for 50/50 and she won’t give it just because she doesn’t want to.
/r/Divorce_Men23/04/25 02:55 PM
25

Mine became a “best selling international author” by writing a chapter in a book that she paid to be in. It’s about how she overcame a narcissist and was abused financially and emotionally 🤣
/r/Divorce_Men09/02/25 05:08 AM
3

Don’t let politics affect your life so much. Vote and move on. My wife voted trump. I voted Harris. The election happened and that’s that. Worry more about getting your house in order, not the White House. We each voted for different reasons. She’s not a trumper by any means and I’m not super woke either.
/r/Divorce_Men08/11/24 03:32 PM
1

Own what you did. Tell her how you feel and what you want. Show her, work for her, fight for her and at least try. You fucked up and from what you say, she’s worth it. Good luck.
/r/Divorce_Men29/11/23 06:25 PM
1

I have. I’ve finally found myself a true partner who values me and I value her. I feel this is the first real adult relationship of my life and it’s so easy being with her. The way she treats me makes me want to be the best version of myself for her. She’s truly amazing.
/r/Divorce_Men29/12/22 01:07 AM
1

Thanks! Good luck to you.
/r/Divorce_Men28/11/22 09:23 PM
1

Hey man. My kids were 9 and 6 when we decided to divorce. We talked to our kids about what divorce is and what it means for us going forward. We did our best to communicate with our kids about the changes that were about to happen before they actually happened. They were sad at first but now see it as their new normal. We were as honest as we could be to our kids and we didn’t try to make it seem like it wasn’t a big deal. We let them know the truth so they wouldn’t be surprised by things such a…
/r/Divorce_Men28/11/22 04:46 PM
1

Thanks. Yeah it takes both people to make it work. We didn’t even have lawyers. Negotiated and split everything ourselves. We knew we wouldn’t be exactly 50/50 but in the end we were both ok with the agreement.
/r/Divorce_Men23/11/22 06:54 PM
3

Rejection is a part of life. Take your shot and move on if they say no. You’re going to be weird/awkward at first but the more you practice the better you’ll get. Don’t take it too serious. You’re just getting out there and you will find someone but don’t expect it to happen right away.
/r/Divorce_Men23/11/22 06:50 PM
3

My ex was taken off my insurance within the month of our divorce being final. HR requires you let them know if you get divorced otherwise it’s insurance fraud. I did help her get Medicaid through california and it’s free for her since she doesn’t make a lot. Not the best coverage but she only really needs it for emergencies and routine visits. We were amicable so I helped research things for her so we can make the transition as smooth as possible. We discussed legal separation but in the end we …
/r/Divorce_Men21/11/22 10:37 PM
1

Focus on yourself and speak to someone if you have too. My divorce was final early this year. Met a woman 2 months ago and she’s amazing. It’s still too early of course but so far it’s great. Hang in there. Don’t lose hope. You’re in the middle of the worst and don’t take losing your children. If you want them, fight for them. They’re your kids too.
/r/Divorce_Men15/11/22 02:55 AM
1

I waited until the divorce was final and she had moved out. I didn’t want to do anything that would piss her off. We were amicable during the process but why chance it. We have 2 kids and my main priority was getting the agreement done. I also wanted to make sure I was ready to date and I took about 6 months to get my head straight. My kids adjusted beautifully and I wanted to make sure they were ok as well. Me dating was probably the last thing on my mind. I’m dating somebody now and she’s amaz…
/r/Divorce_Men13/11/22 04:00 PM
2

I’m hoping it goes well for you. My ex and I went through mediation as well and we settled on 7 years. Good luck.
/r/Divorce_Men09/04/22 10:09 PM
3

It’s a 10+ year marriage where some states won’t set a time limit once it’s considered a long term marriage. If it’s less than 10 years, you usually pay for 1/2 the length of the marriage. If it’s 10+ years, it can be forever.
/r/Divorce_Men09/04/22 09:54 PM
2

I wouldn’t include a bonus in your offer. It’s not guaranteed income and shouldn’t be included. I’m paying alimony for 7 years with a 10+ marriage. Make your offer based on what you know you will be paid.
/r/Divorce_Men09/04/22 09:53 PM
1

I have 2 kids. I have 8 and 11 years to go.
/r/Divorce_Men15/12/21 07:05 AM
2

I didn’t get a lawyer. Neither did she. From beginning to end, our divorce took 10 months including the 6 month waiting period from Cali.
/r/Divorce_Men30/11/21 10:09 PM
1

Yeah I wouldn’t do that either. You can for more than 50/50 but don’t try and buy it. It won’t look good.
/r/Divorce_Men28/11/21 02:11 AM
1

Oh dang. Yeah, I’ll be looking at the mail every day.
/r/Divorce_Men23/11/21 08:51 PM
2

How long ago did you file and how long ago did the person being served sign those papers of acknowledgement. That starts the 6 month mandatory waiting period. Even if the judge signs it, you still have to wait those 6 months. My ex and I are all done. Our end date is 1/16. We’re both just waiting now.
/r/Divorce_Men23/11/21 07:54 PM
3

My ex wanted the house but wasn’t going to be able to refinance it in her own name. She couldn’t afford it. I ended up buying her out.
/r/Divorce_Men23/11/21 08:18 AM
8

Leave her. Get your spousal support and fight for your kid!
/r/Divorce_Men22/11/21 05:28 AM
3

Just a dog and a car… psst. Lucky!
/r/Divorce_Men19/11/21 09:38 PM
1

Ex and I are staying 10 min apart from each other. We do 50/50 and it would be hard doing that being so far away especially since we wanted the kids to stay in the same school district.
/r/Divorce_Men19/11/21 06:23 PM
3

You may need to look at your expenses. I don’t see how this is crippling you. You make 6 figures and she’s getting 12k/yr…
/r/Divorce_Men10/11/21 09:03 PM
2

Nothing really. It’s just that someone has to file and someone has to get served. That’s about it. Just the way it works.
/r/Divorce_Men10/11/21 01:42 AM
3

Part of this is true. Yes, she will get her 401k through a QDRO but OP does not have to cash anything out. It will be up to her if she wants to cash it out and she will be liable for the taxes. If she does this through the QDRO there will be no penalty but yes taxes.
/r/Divorce_Men08/11/21 12:51 AM
3

The amount accrued during your marriage is 50/50. If you started your 401k before marriage, get the documents to prove what you had before and try to get an accurate number as to what it has grown too. This is yours and yours alone. The amount you put in and the amount that portion has grown to is 50/50. Good luck. My ex ended up with 1/3 my 401k because I found my documents.
/r/Divorce_Men08/11/21 12:48 AM
3

She can NOT evict you!! Stay in the house. Record everything. My STBXW told me to look for a place while we went through divorce. I told her straight…. I’m not going anywhere. This is my house too. I pay all the bills here. Thankfully we are all done just waiting for the 6 month period to pass. Mid January is when our marriage will dissolve. We got all the paperwork from the courts and everything is done. She’s moving out in December. I’m stressed, nervous and excited for the future. We both wor…
/r/Divorce_Men01/11/21 02:51 AM
4

I think you’re in the majority my friend.
/r/Divorce_Men29/10/21 08:04 PM
3

Do it before the 10 year mark!!!
/r/Divorce_Men29/10/21 07:39 PM
2

Hahahahaha. This cracked me up.
/r/Divorce_Men27/10/21 03:24 AM
1

Don’t drink. You are worth more than you think. It’s fantastic you stopped because of your kids. That shows what kind of a man you are. Focus on yourself and your kids. Don’t let her actions consume you. We are here for you!
/r/Divorce_Men26/10/21 07:13 PM
3

Our mediator ran the numbers but was clear that we could agree to anything we want. We used the calculator and negotiated from there. My STBXW is getting more in child/spousal support now but for a shorter amount of time. Better for her now. Better for me later.
/r/Divorce_Men24/10/21 08:38 PM
6

I’m guessing she expects you to do all the work. She just wants to get paid.
/r/Divorce_Men22/10/21 05:43 PM
2

I’m right there with you. My STBXW and I have everything settled and signed. She’s still at my house (I’m keeping the home) but has finally booked an apartment. We’ve told our kids and it went better than expected. But now she’s getting moving boxes so now it feels real.
/r/Divorce_Men16/10/21 11:11 PM
2

By reminding yourself why you got divorced in the first place. She’s another man’s problem now. 😂
/r/Divorce_Men14/10/21 04:38 PM
1

You don’t need a 2 bedroom. A 1 bedroom would be fine. The kids take the bedroom (2 twin beds) and you take the living room (sofa bed). Cheaper and problem solved. I suggested this to my ex since I’m keeping the house and she has to find an apartment. I even offered to let her rent the house from me. She said absolutely not and now she’s struggling to find an affordable apartment because she “needs” a 2 bedroom. 🙄
/r/Divorce_Men10/10/21 05:56 PM
2

My STBXW and I did exactly this. In the end it will probably cost us a little over 2k for everything (filing, mediator, QDRO, etc). We used a mediator to help us come up with things/situations that we should be talking about. We didn’t want to miss anything and we wanted to make sure everything was filed and completed correctly. Our agreement is done. We’re just waiting for the courts to process the paperwork which should be mid January. California has a 6 month waiting period before they dissol…
/r/Divorce_Men06/10/21 03:03 PM
2

Vent away man. We are all going through something. My ex is still in our home but she’s looking for an apartment to rent. The next time you see your daughter, enjoy her and treat her like the princess she is.
/r/Divorce_Men29/09/21 05:29 PM
2

The ex and I put in our agreement that we would alternate hosting duties for bdays and that we would each invite the other to the birthday event. Maybe you and your ex could do something like that. I’m not sure how well the two of you get along though.
/r/Divorce_Men29/09/21 05:22 PM
3

This is better than a divorce? The longer you put this off, the more she will get in the end. Don’t let this marriage hit the 10 year mark because that is when you will be totally screwed. My STBXW is getting child/spousal support when she moves out and it will be enough to cover her rent. She will need to find work to cover the rest. She’s looking for a place before looking for a job. Sigh…. Bye Felicia!
/r/Divorce_Men22/09/21 03:00 PM
1

So many people talking about getting screwed. My STBXW did it ourselves. No lawyers. It wasn’t easy but we did it. In the end we came up with a deal that worked for both of us. If both of you are willing to negotiate, I say go for it. It can be done.
/r/Divorce_Men19/09/21 08:12 PM
1

Freak this cracked me up!!!!
/r/Divorce_Men19/09/21 06:27 PM
1

We did it on our own and we do still respect each other. Our marriage just ran its course and we grew apart. We did what worked for both of us. Neither one of us was looking to get as much as possible from each other. We took some. We got some. In the end, we both feel good about it. It wasn’t easy but we did it. I’ve read horror stories on here so I’m really proud of my ex and I. We kept emotions out of it and did what worked for our family. We have 2 kids so how we behave during this process w…
/r/Divorce_Men18/09/21 04:01 PM
1

The STBXW and I did it on a sliding scale. We’ve been married for 10+ years and I didn’t want to pay alimony forever. We have 2 kids and custody is 50/50. Spousal/child support for the 1st year is 39% of my income, year 2 is 35% and years 3-7 it drops to 25%. Child support of course stays the same through the entire time but it’s her spousal support that keeps going lower. For the 2 kids I’m paying $1265 and the rest is spousal support. She agreed to only get spousal support for 7 years and not …
/r/Divorce_Men18/09/21 02:48 AM
1

We are splitting custody and we agreed on joint legal custody as well. I’m sure my kids will call/FaceTime almost daily and it’s fine by me. I’m doing what’s best for myself and my kids. She’ll get her spousal/child support but she needs to find a job to make ends meet. My support won’t last forever.
/r/Divorce_Men16/09/21 08:51 PM
1

Who knows. She does photography here and there but she’s always “busy” from what she tells me. Never saw a dime from that business. January can’t come soon enough. That’s when the courts will sign off on the divorce and then I’ll be officially single.
/r/Divorce_Men16/09/21 04:32 AM
2

Keep it separate. Keep it in your own name, your own account and never commingle it with her money. Inheritance is a separate asset outside of marriage. Hell, keep it a secret if you can and open an account with a different bank and never put her name on it.
/r/Divorce_Men15/09/21 06:54 PM
3

Yes. I’m doing this now. It really does help just talking to someone.
/r/Divorce_Men14/09/21 05:00 PM
5

Yup. And I knew it too. Tried to keep the family together for the kids. That was my mistake. In the end, the marriage still failed but our kids will be ok. We are both committed to the children. I can and will rebuild.
/r/Divorce_Men13/09/21 05:39 PM
13

Yeah. This is kind of what happened to me. The ex and I kept talking about divorce and it wasn’t until we reached the 10 year mark that she all of a sudden wanted it. She didn’t ask for lifetime alimony but she asked for more upfront (in the monthly alimony amount) in order to give up the lifetime alimony. I took the deal because I had just become vested in my pension and she left that alone. The longer you wait, the more she’ll get.
/r/Divorce_Men13/09/21 04:07 PM
7

My STBXW is still at my house. We have 2 kids. I only tolerate her because of our kids. My kids is what drives me every freaking day. We never worked as a couple. When I’m home it’s as if she doesn’t exist since she’s home all the time with the kids (her words). I won’t miss her at all. When I’m home it’s me and kids anyways. It’s always me and kids at the park, the beach, the pool, doctor appointments. You name it, I’m there and she isn’t. My daughter is in Girl Scouts and even one of the moms …
/r/Divorce_Men12/09/21 07:04 AM
1

Is this a serious question? Does my ex wife not have a right to spend time with our children as well? Do you think that all that matters is what dad want? Best case scenario is 50/50 custody. You can get more but your partner has to not want or be able to have the children for that amount of time.
/r/Divorce_Men12/09/21 01:52 AM
3

I would ask for a payout if that’s what you want. But have it in writing that it must be refinanced in her name only and X will be paid out to you within a certain time frame.
/r/Divorce_Men11/09/21 08:08 PM
1

Thanks for sharing! Our kids don’t know yet either. We will tell them soon and I know my daughter is going to take it really hard. She’s really attached to me and I’m dreading not seeing her every day.
/r/Divorce_Men11/09/21 05:56 PM
2

Yeah I’ve never hear of that either. I’ve been married 10+ years and the ex and I negotiated a higher alimony payment but for 7 years.
/r/Divorce_Men09/09/21 12:39 AM
3

Yeah same for us. Just be prepared to fight for what you want. We kept lawyers out of it and came to our own agreement but it took 5 months to finally finish. It can be done but both parties have to work together. Tbh, I would never let my ex have 100% custody. You’re giving up way too much and you’re their father. Who actually wants to be there. Best of luck to you.
/r/Divorce_Men07/09/21 03:42 PM
3

You’re not stopping her from moving. You’re stopping your kids from moving.
/r/Divorce_Men07/09/21 03:28 PM
3

The STBXW and I agreed to 60/40 because my work schedule just sucks ass. We have it in our agreement that it will change to 50/50 once my schedule changes to an earlier shift. We also have joint physical/legal custody. She wanted 80/20 and that wasn’t happening without a fight. I told her from the very beginning that I don’t care about anything else except my kids. In the end, I think we did pretty well with our agreement and kept things as amicable as possible. We still talk and hang out from t…
/r/Divorce_Men07/09/21 03:22 PM
4

Don’t mess around. She’ll have a lot of leverage to get something from you if you want to lower the length of alimony payments. File! My ex did the same thing. In the end she got more spousal support but for less time. I took the deal when faced with lifetime. Here’s hoping she gets married. Haha
/r/Divorce_Men06/09/21 06:41 PM
4

My STBXW and I came to an agreement on our own. We’ve been married for 10+ years, 2 kids, house, new car. We started off by going through mediation and it wasn’t going well for her and she got pissed and walked out. Never went back but we negotiated with ourselves. The mediator still helped us with certain things like inputing numbers for different scenarios so we can get a ballpark idea of what child/spousal support should be. It wasn’t easy and it took us about 4 months to finish everything bu…
/r/Divorce_Men03/09/21 05:03 PM
1

If she’s stashing money away…. She has to disclose all of her financial statements to you and you will split it. If she spent it while married then you’re out of luck. My BIL is going through the same thing. His wife got a breast lift and new car before he filed. Sucks. My STBXW (his sister) didn’t do any of that which kept things amicable. We were able to come to an agreement on our own which helped save a lot of money and we are both walking away happier (not happy, but happier).
/r/Divorce_Men01/09/21 03:45 PM
1

Get a prenup to protect your assets. Also, anything acquired before marriage is yours. Keep records of it and keep it separate if possible. Luckily I was able to show that 1/3 of the retirement assets were acquired before marriage.
/r/Divorce_Men01/09/21 04:15 AM
3

Sucks but if you’re the bread winner, thank goodness you didn’t reach 10 years. Look at the positives.
/r/Divorce_Men20/08/21 08:15 PM
1

Short term pain. Long term gain. Yes, the money hurts but I can and will rebuild.
/r/Divorce_Men19/08/21 03:36 PM
1

Yes. She has a law degree. At least get one to review your agreement before signing. Good luck.
/r/Divorce_Men17/08/21 07:53 PM
4

Happy for you!
/r/Divorce_Men20/06/21 02:12 AM
1

Yeah I’m leaning towards a loan. I can pay it off quick (2-3 years max). I’d like to keep as much of my retirement as possible. Thanks for all the advice everyone!
/r/Divorce_Men17/06/21 05:22 PM
1

Haha. Right!
/r/Divorce_Men17/06/21 05:21 PM
2

Thank you so much for this. Extremely helpful.
/r/Divorce_Men16/06/21 08:11 PM
1

I didn’t know she could take it out tax free. We’re doing this mostly ourselves and having a mediator write up the agreement. We’re almost done. Thanks for the tip!
/r/Divorce_Men16/06/21 07:08 PM
1

Well, she’s getting her part from the 401k and she needs to get paid out from the equity that we have in the home. So that’s where the actually cash comes into play.
/r/Divorce_Men16/06/21 06:25 PM
1

Yeah she’s getting that but she would like some direct cash money because of the tax implications which makes sense. We’ll be getting a QDRO for her part of the retirement but I need to come up with some cash once this is done.
/r/Divorce_Men16/06/21 04:33 PM
4

You’re just making things worse for yourself by trying to play some weird game in your head. File for divorce, get 50/50 custody, work out a deal with the ex, and move on. You’re just angry about what happened and going about it the wrong way. It sucks but think of your kids and yourself above all else. My wife thought she would get the house, not work, and still have me pay for everything. She’s now looking for a job (supposedly), I figured out how much of my retirement is premarriage (1/3-so s…
/r/Divorce_Men11/06/21 03:35 PM
2

Damn that sucks. The wife and I are trying to go the mediation route and talk amongst ourselves for this exact reason. Sorry man.
/r/Divorce_Men09/06/21 03:54 PM
4

I’ve noticed a lot of shows have someone getting divorced. Never picked up on it before I started mine.
/r/Divorce_Men05/06/21 02:01 AM
2

First mediation for me today. STBXW left after an hour because she didn’t like what she was hearing. She wants the house, work only part time (plus do photography on the side), and me to only get the kids 20% of the time. I even found out she called the mediator before our appointment and wanted to get her “side” of the story told before we met. Apparently she thinks I can’t handle the kids by myself but has no issues with me taking the kids by myself to the pool, park, Disneyland, magic mountai…
/r/Divorce_Men02/06/21 05:35 AM
8

You’re not helping anyone. You’re just an enabler and she will probably, in the end, do what she wants without any regard to you. You’re a good guy but you must first take care of your kid first and get more custody of him. If you think she cares what you want, think again. She’s using you.
/r/Divorce_Men31/05/21 03:16 AM
3

I already made an appointment to get more info. I’m 42 with 2 kids. Currently going through the divorce negotiations and I’m positive I don’t want any more kids. I love my boy and girl but I am definitely done.
/r/Divorce_Men21/05/21 10:52 PM
3

I’m not divorced, yet, but I already started working out. The stbxw has started noticing and making comments. Feels good. 😂
/r/Divorce_Men18/05/21 03:56 AM
8

My coworker once told me…. Better to have half your stuff than all of her. 😂
/r/Divorce_Men11/05/21 07:47 PM
2

Welcome!!!! I’m so glad you and your ex were able to go through divorce and do it amicably. I’m hoping my stbxw and I will do the same. We’re just getting started and we haven’t told our kids yet (6 and 9). We both love them so much but also realize this is for the best. Our marriage just ran its course and we’re both ok with moving on. Our goal is to do what’s best for our kids so we both plan on being there for everything. 50/50 custody, split everything, and I’m even willing to let her stay i…
/r/Divorce_Men30/04/21 05:01 PM
1

The odds are in your favor now. If you do 50/50 custody you’ll pay the least amount and you’ve only been married for 2 years so that’s only 1 year of spousal support. If you’re sure you want to do this then do it. If it’s that bad then try talking to her and communicating but if you’re set on divorce then no one is really going to change your mind.
/r/Divorce_Men29/04/21 11:48 PM
3

Exactly this. She’s the high earner and will need to provide support for you so you can get on your feet. It works both ways. Gender does not matter.
/r/Divorce_Men27/04/21 05:00 PM
2

With a mediator, you have more control as to what kind of agreement you and your wife come up with. This works best when you and your wife are on descent terms and would like to end things amicably. It’s cheaper than an attorney for each of you. We’ve been quoted 4-5k for the whole thing. This includes filing of all the paperwork with the courts. A mediator can be a lawyer but it doesn’t have to be (which I assume would be cheaper). For instance, you and your wife can decide she gets the house b…
/r/Divorce_Men16/04/21 04:26 AM
2

I’m in California, married for for almost 11 years, 2 kids (6 and 9). We were both just there to be honest. Eventually it took its toll with resentment and feeling like she wasn’t pulling her weight (I’m sure she felt I wasn’t either). My wife and I barely talked to each but once we decided on this we have become better friends. We talk about our future, our kids, and of course different scenarios about how to split things. In california, they will expect the non working spouse to go back to wor…
/r/Divorce_Men15/04/21 05:17 PM
2

Yeah I get what you mean. My wife is a sahm and it does suck. I’m still going through this but I’ve kind of accepted it and I figure it’s not worth staying in a marriage that isn’t working. My wife never really spent a lot on material things so we were able to save quite a bit and if she gets half then so be it. We are in our early 40’s so there’s plenty of time to rebuild. It’s ok to get upset but don’t let it consume you. Think about your future and what that can look like.
/r/Divorce_Men15/04/21 04:58 PM
2

Once I’m ready for a serious relationship I’ll be looking for the following... doesn’t want kids (I have 2 and don’t want any more), has her own career/business, if she has kids that’s ok but I don’t plan to be a dad to them (so hopefully they’ll be older kids). I’m not looking for someone to be a mom to my kids. My stbxw and I are in really good terms and she’s a great mom. I don’t need someone to take care of my kids but she also needs to realize that they are a part of my life forever and I d…
/r/Divorce_Men15/04/21 03:53 PM
2

This was my wife and I just 2 months ago. 2 months ago we had a long talk and decided to separate/divorce. Since making that decision we have both been a lot happier. It’s weird... it’s almost like a weight has been lifted from our shoulders and we haven’t even started the process yet. We are meeting with mediators next week to find one and get this going. Neither one of us is in a rush, we’re both nervous, worried for our kids, but we both will try to do what’s best for our kids and ourselves. …
/r/Divorce_Men15/04/21 06:14 AM
6

Nope. Wouldn’t change my kids for anything.
/r/Divorce_Men03/04/21 08:04 AM
3

I’m currently going through the negotiation process. The stbxw and I decided that I would get them every weekend. It isn’t ideal for her because she gets all the work and none of the fun but my current work schedule isn’t ideal (11:30-8pm). Once I’m able to move to an earlier shift I’ll be trying to go 50/50. We are both being very civil with each other and doing what’s best for the kids. We’re in the early stages but so far so good. Still a long way to go for us. I didn’t want to go every other…
/r/Divorce_Men28/03/21 03:38 AM
1

Thank you so much for the info. This is something I do plan to address. Has anyone had success negotiating a shorter term for spousal support and what did you give in return?
/r/Divorce_Men24/03/21 03:15 PM
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