DIVORCED AN ALCOHOLIC....

a_day_at_a_timee · 2024-04-13T15:02:41+00:00

I finally left my wife after a year of her lying about her sobriety, finding bottles hidden in the house, and her coming home from target with bodies on her breath.

The final straw was when she showed up to my daughter’s first soccer practice 45 minutes later and black out drunk with both kids in the car. I called the police but they didn’t cite her due to her not driving at the time they arrived.

Fast forward a year or so into the most insane divorce where I just wanted to split everything 50/50 and she wanted 100% custody and for me to give her the house.

The kids told me that she was continuing to drink while with them (despite a court order that she not drink while caring for the kids) and they told ms a scary story about their mom getting insanely drunk with them, getting lost in the car, and crying hysterically.

So I called CPS and filed an emergency hearing with the court…

When CPS went to interview her she told them that I’m abusive and threaten her all the time. That I beat the kids and she finds bruises on them when they come back from my house. She even provided pictures of these “bruises” (probably from playing outside or soccer practice. i don’t really know).

When it was time for CPS to interview me, I thought they were coming to hear about the drinking and driving, but all they wanted to talk about was how do I discipline the kids.

Long story short, I lost custody of the kids for 4 months and spent $30,000 on attorneys fees to get them back.

After 2 years of court and $75,000 in attorney fees, I finally got divorced with 50:50 custody. I pay her $2200 a month in support/alimony and had to give her $400,000 from the sale of the house and 100% of my remaining 401k.

I truly hope you have a better experience with the legal system that I did.

I haven’t drank in 6 years so the kids can at least see that one of their parents has their shit together.

TreetopTarantula · 2024-04-10T16:20:00+00:00

Not my divorce. But, my ex-LTR who was a lush. Once I broke up with her a lot of the stress and friction went out of my life, along with her having alcohol around and drinking all the time, so I just began drinking a lot less. I'm now almost fully sober and feel great. My kids are much happier with me now.

Joocewayne · 2024-04-10T14:49:39+00:00

No, but when I got divorced I almost became one myself. I seldom drank before that.

dday_throwaway3 · 2024-04-10T13:39:18+00:00

You insist on supervised parenting time until she completes a court-recognized chemical dependency program. Even when she completed a program, you stipulate random tests for alcohol for the next twelve months. If she's truly an alcoholic, she won't be able to hide it for that period of time.

You insist on a stipulation that she cannot drink alcohol, or otherwise be intoxicated, when it's her parenting time. If she tests positive, then it reverts to supervised parenting time until she completes chemical dependency program again.

This just isn't about her behavior. Children of alcoholics are about four times more likely than the general population to develop alcohol problems. This is about protecting your kids, and you are the only one who can do that. Your kids are counting on you.

DivorceRecoveryMen · 2024-04-10T12:49:30+00:00

My divorce took just over 18 months. During that time I vowed now to drink a drop until the divorce was over. I figured she was drinking enough for the both of us. A few times she would stop by my place and pretend to want to discuss the kids and show up drunk and tried to have a conversation with me. Pretty sad. I couldn't wait for the youngest kid could drive on his own not worrying about her driving him around drunk. I would see some of our common friends out and about and they would tell me they saw my ex and my response most of the time, 'was it a liquor store?' and more than half the time the answer was yes. It was a sad, and probably still, a sad situation. I felt for my kids, making excuses for her missteps all the time. I figured, especially now, I couldn't help or fix her. That was her family's (in town) thing. Looking back there were early signs of alcoholism and I just swept them under the rug. Now I am out of the marriage, I see clearly she had a problem earlier in our marriage. The divorce was so nasty and contentious. I now wish her the best in her quest for happiness and life. Anyone going through a situation of an alcoholic ex or stbx, just be there for your kids.

Title	DIVORCED AN ALCOHOLIC....
Author	DivorceRecoveryMen
Upvotes	5
Comments	12
Date	April 10, 2024 12:40 PM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1c0km19/divorced_an_alcoholic/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/divorced-an-alcoholic.1514695 https://theredarchive.com/post/1514695

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