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a_day_at_a_timee Archive

View 0 posts and 230 comments by a_day_at_a_timee on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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2

well done sir!
/r/Divorce_Men21/07/26 05:22 AM
26

My brother! Ok so as someone who’s been doing 50/50 for 8 years let me give you some advice. First, you are in the absolute hardest time. The kids grow up fast and will take more responsibility for their own lives as they get older. Like I hardly see my 17 year old anymore. Right when I figure they could be dead in their room I will hear a rustling in the kitchen at 2am. My 15 yo is starting high school and will be riding her ebike to school. No more driving for me! Second, you need to think lik…
/r/Divorce_Men20/07/26 03:23 AM
5

do you have 50/50 custody? that helps in two ways, first you can claim a kid on your taxes, avs it reduces your payments. second it forces her to start working full time too. she can’t exactly say i can’t work when you are doing the same thing
/r/Divorce_Men03/07/26 02:47 AM
3

The Third Patriarch of Zen Hsin Hsin Ming by Seng-T'san The Great Way is not difficult for those who have no preferences. When love and hate are both absent everything becomes clear and undisguised. Make the smallest distinction, however, and heaven and earth are set infinitely apart. If you wish to see the truth then hold no opinions for or against anything. To set up what you like against what you dislike is the disease of the mind.
/r/Divorce_Men02/06/26 09:48 PM
4

i got sober during my divorce. 7 1/2 years later and going strong. You got this!
/r/Divorce_Men27/04/26 11:57 PM
2

Divorce is one of the most stressful events that will happen to you in your life so the anxiety and depression are to be expected. You need to take your physical and mental health as seriously as you would a heart attack. You will be surprised that she’s not showing the same feelings but you just realize that she’s already processed this decision for months if not years and most likely has another side guy to comfort her too (monkey branching is real). In my experience the anxiety mostly comes f…
/r/Divorce_Men25/04/26 02:24 PM
2

fight for 50/50 and in the empty spaces get busy. start a side business, go back to school, get a promotion, etc. pick up some hobbies and make some friends. it gets easier truely.
/r/Divorce_Men21/04/26 05:00 AM
4

lol
/r/Divorce_Men15/04/26 10:41 PM
2

I use AI a lot for work. The way you describe the process of working with different AI models to hone, test, and verify is spot on. Cheers!
/r/Divorce_Men15/04/26 04:14 AM
1

I got multiple sclerosis during my divorce and lost the ability to walk for a few months and she was like “you’re fine, it’s all in your head”. well it’s seven years later and i’m still just slowly losing one thing after another. despite my health, i’m a lot happier without her crazy lying cheating ass. you couldn’t pay me to go back
/r/Divorce_Men31/03/26 04:50 AM
7

it’s a cloud camera. if it can’t reach the internet it’s not recording any more. they won’t be able to fix it while you look around for it.
/r/Divorce_Men21/03/26 08:53 PM
9

block their mac address… it’s your house.
/r/Divorce_Men21/03/26 08:41 PM
3

I used to have a lot of conservative friends. That’s become harder to hold onto when the fascists they’re supporting are out there shooting women in the face with live rounds. There’s not much middle ground left after that. We just wanted universal health care and equality for the gays. What we got was cuts to all social services and an extra 500 billion for violence.
/r/Divorce_Men19/03/26 12:51 PM
1

My next door neighbor just moved from south Carolina with a grand piano in a u-haul. He’s been here a few months and already got a himself a new boyfriend and a new jeep to go to rambling around town with the top down. i’m just saying!
/r/Divorce_Men13/03/26 11:17 PM
4

she doesn’t want you back… she wants the idea of you back. it’s going to be painful for her for a while but ultimately she will see that it wasn’t the right fit and hopefully you can be friends. just fyi… i spend a lot of time in palm springs and the gays are living their best life out there. as a straight guy i think it’s crazy how much fun they are having. they run that town and it’s pretty incredible.
/r/Divorce_Men13/03/26 10:24 PM
3

As someone on the other side, know that is going to be hard for a while but that there is a better life waiting for you on the other side. Fight for 50/50 with your kids. Stop drinking, fix your diet, hit the gym, start dressing in nice clothes daily, and get some therapy. Read no more mr nice guy, the rational male, and models. Learn about gender dynamics. Move within walking distance from the elementary and hopefully middle school. You will eventually see that your wife is right. You deserve t…
/r/Divorce_Men13/03/26 04:39 PM
8

It happens to the best of us. Women are a dime a dozen. Work on yourself and making stronger relationships with your friends and family for a bit. Then like a phoenix you will rise from the ashes. i recommend staying sober for this next phase though. it’s going to be rough for a bit.
/r/Divorce_Men10/03/26 08:05 PM
1

my ex finally quit drinking last year when the kids as teenagers gave her an ultimatum. they said they were afraid to get in the car with her and were moving in with me unless she with drinking. she still can’t pull her own weight after 7 years but at least the quantity of insanity from her has decreased significantly.
/r/Divorce_Men10/03/26 03:09 PM
2

nope. we eventually settled on an even 50:50 split after two years and $120,000 in combined legal expenses. I said let’s just be civil to each other and split everything in half on day 1 but her friends told her that she should get full custody, plus i should pay the mortgage to let them live in the house until the kids finish high school, plus alimony and child support to fund that lifestyle. These chicks are out of their mind.
/r/Divorce_Men10/03/26 03:05 PM
9

Sounds like you’re allergic to alcohol. I am too! It makes me break out in handcuffs!
/r/Divorce_Men09/03/26 08:12 PM
2

OCD is fucking nuts to deal with. My girlfriend of 6 years has it and it is exhausting! I’m in the same boat of she’s really cool like 80% of the time but then she suspects I wore my shoes in the house and can’t let the topic go for 3 days to make sure i know how dangerous the floor is. She also has shades of rOCD and needs constant reassurance. she asks me questions like “i’ll bet you and your exwife really enjoyed hanging out with the kids together. you must really miss that?” “ummmm yeah i gu…
/r/Divorce_Men09/03/26 06:35 PM
8

word. divorce is one of the hardest things you will ever go through in your life. you will need all your wits about you if you want to survive it. also i lost 25 lbs basically overnight and my blood pressure dropped from high 160 to 115 with coffee. one more thing is that i found most high quality women find it very attractive. i quit in the first few months of my divorce when my ex was trying to get full custody. seven years later and i still don’t drink.
/r/Divorce_Men08/03/26 02:17 AM
1

Totally… like i’m never going to be a professional golfer, but it’s a good idea to watch what they are doing to help me with my game.
/r/Divorce_Men07/03/26 08:05 PM
2

I completely understand that… I had the worst crushing anxiety for so long. I lost my wife of 18 years, my job of 16, my house, my kids, my tools, my bbq, and on top of that like 80% of my friends all at the same time. I also got sick from a progressive immune disease! You’re so right that the anxiety was the worst. Sleepless nights. Barely able to leave the house. My sisters would come by and I could barely speak to them. I was a shell of myself. I’m soooo sorry to hear that you’re going throug…
/r/Divorce_Men07/03/26 02:46 PM
1

Look at dating like you look at a job. It requires effort, time, patience, and money. You probably need to learn about gender dynamics too. I recommend reading a few books first. no more Mr. nice guy by robert Glover The rational male by Rollo Tomassi Models by Mark Mason. You may need some therapy too… Next you need to study from the pick up artists. They have studied the game and know tricks that will help you with approaching women and turning approaches into dates. I recommend listening to t…
/r/Divorce_Men07/03/26 02:36 PM
6

750ml of pelligrino!
/r/Divorce_Men07/03/26 04:00 AM
3

it was insane… like i wouldn’t believe it if i wasn’t there. i’ve got this big motorhome with AC and all these naked chicks in it trying on different outfits to wear. we went to a naked soap themed techno dance party shower with Alex Grey (tool album art) live painting a giant mural while 100 people danced around nude. for some reason all the girls were single that year. it rained for days and we all got stuck inside. the next year they all had boyfriends and it wasn’t as exciting for me! this y…
/r/Divorce_Men07/03/26 03:57 AM
5

I finally turned the page during year two. Finished the court case, got my 50/50 split, forced her to sell the house, moved out the shit divorce apartment, bought a new house, new car, new motorhome. Got a cool girlfriend. Got really good at golf. Went to burning man with my girlfriend and her 4 nudist girlfriends… Also I quit drinking during year 1 and that was the biggest improvement to my mental /physical health. Took about 6 months for my depression and anxiety to completely go away. Made a …
/r/Divorce_Men07/03/26 02:17 AM
1

I would go to Paris and get a job at a luxury advertising agency.
/r/Divorce_Men28/02/26 02:04 AM
8

Default 50/50 custody. It's not the 1950s anymore. Default income imputation at full time minimum wage. We are all adults here. Women need to stop getting a pass on growing up. Income taxes on child support / alimony are paid by the receiver. It's like she's getting a tax free gift of $30,000 a year which wouldn't be legal in any other financial transaction. That and I'm paying the highest possible bracket for money I earn that I don't even get to see. The Silver Bullet divorce needs to be fixed…
/r/Divorce_Men27/02/26 06:46 PM
5

ha... no That's so shortsighted on her part. Soon shes going to get a taste of the single life and be begging you to come and get the kids. Right now her entire identity is "super mom" and she doesn't know a purpose outside of this. She's not fighting you for the kids, shes fighting you to prevent an ego death. Complete loss of identity. Now to be fair, you are experiencing this as well. What are you without your job? your house? your kids? your fancy car? your health? She's having this experien…
/r/Divorce_Men24/02/26 09:58 PM
7

Don’t do it. She can rent an apartment for a year or two like every other divorced person in the world.
/r/Divorce_Men17/02/26 06:54 PM
7

This worked for me: quit drinking/smoking, fix your diet (no processed foods, no sugar, lots of organic vegetables), go outside and get some exercise. It took about 6 months before my mind was right again. Seven years later and I’m living my best life.
/r/Divorce_Men16/02/26 07:06 PM
2

If you’re terrified of dating, don’t date. It’s honestly not for the weak. It’s brutal to put your self out there and be rejected over and over. I would invest your time on some therapy first to understand how you work. I had 50 first dates before finding a serious girlfriend but I was having fun doing it. I liked meeting new people and kept my first dates short and casual. only coffee/tea or lunch (no expensive dinners for strangers)
/r/Divorce_Men13/02/26 02:01 PM
1

this is the way…
/r/Divorce_Men09/02/26 04:28 PM
3

50/50. $1500 child support. $700 in “lifetime” alimony
/r/Divorce_Men08/02/26 02:32 PM
1

There’s a system to the apps. When used correctly you will have more options than you know what to do with. Watch this video from Tripp Kramer to learn how to kill it. https://youtu.be/KXXY0ydT4L4?si=G07uaXEQpEPEJg3H
/r/Divorce_Men06/02/26 02:46 PM
3

The Third Patriarch of Zen The Great Way is not difficult for those who have no preferences. When love and hate are both absent everything becomes clear and undisguised. Make the smallest distinction, however, and heaven and earth are set infinitely apart. If you wish to see the truth then hold no opinions for or against anything. To set up what you like against what you dislike is the disease of the mind. When the deep meaning of things is not understood, the mind's essential peace is disturbed…
/r/Divorce_Men03/02/26 03:56 AM
6

Same here. When I was married we never had enough to save. Now that I’m divorced, I have my 401k maxed out and have extra cheddar in my checking account every month for fun and that’s after paying her $2200 a month. It took five years but I have completely replaced all the money I had to split with her in the divorce. Also she’s almost broke and heaven forbid might have to start working next year. Coincidentally when one of the kids turns 18 too. She’s been milking me for about 7 years now.
/r/Divorce_Men02/02/26 12:08 AM
4

Getting a vasectomy will help with your future dating life. First, it tells the 35 to 45 year old women that you are not their last minute need a baby before menopause sperm donor. Second, the women that say they don't want children get a crazy hit of peri-menopause hormones at around 42 that make them want that last minute baby. The vasectomy will kill future arguments with that woman who suddenly changed her mind about having mid life children.
/r/Divorce_Men30/01/26 06:41 PM
1

Here’s my experience in California… Mom is an alcoholic and showed up to the first day of soccer practice 40 minutes late and blackout drunk with both my kids in the car. It was the last straw for me so I called the cops. when they finally arrived they told me they would write a report but couldn’t charge her since they didn’t witness the crime. Over the course of my divorce, she wouldn’t show up for visitations, was always late and the kids still would tell me that she was drunk all the time an…
/r/Divorce_Men24/01/26 05:07 AM
1

You think that men not having support groups or community is someone else fault? I know plenty of single guys that are surrounded by friends and community. For some reason once we marry we let it all fall off.
/r/Divorce_Men21/01/26 06:28 PM
1

This is true for most men unfortunately. We go to work and find our community in our family. Our wives on the other hand are having brunch with the girls, play dates with the kids friends mom's, yoga meetups, hiking, etc. The problem is that it's 100% our fault. Now that you are looking at a divorce you can see the problem with this life you built. Relying on a single person to be your everything is devastating when the other person leaves. The good news is that it's fixable. Here are some sugge…
/r/Divorce_Men21/01/26 05:19 PM
1

you don’t like your kid? that’s wild man! i mean babies kinda suck for guys but kids become so much fun to teach and play with from 3 to 10. my girls are teenagers now and i love how much i have shaped them into little mini me’s. we go camping and play music together. the princess plays club volleyball and really hits hard. the tomboy rides horses and helps me with remodel construction work. maybe you should talk to a therapist about the kid thing. could be some resentment towards your ex being …
/r/Divorce_Men20/01/26 03:45 PM
1

Well you both do not have a lot of money, which means that fighting a big court battle over these figures is going to cost you both more than you are worth. For example, my exwife spent $50,000 on attorney fees and I spent $75,000 trying to get 50:50 custody, an even split of property / investments, and the state mandated minimum amount for alimony / child support. I eventually got the fair deal I wanted. She wanted pretty much 100% of everything. So in this situation, I would be happy with what…
/r/Divorce_Men18/01/26 04:36 AM
2

You are in a very dangerous situation... Your video of "her trying to run you over" can and will be flipped to "He has a history of being controlling and violent and I was scared for my life while he tried to prevent me from going to my mom's house to be safe. He was also drinking and has a history of hitting and throwing things at me." Going forward, assume that every word you say to her will be printed out and shown in court to a bunch of people. It's best to go grey rock with her. Only commun…
/r/Divorce_Men05/01/26 07:31 PM
3

Second the side hustle. Idle hands are the devils tools…
/r/Divorce_Men03/01/26 02:04 AM
2

Go to AA and get some support to quit. Get some sober guys to surround yourself with. actually read the book and do the steps. Seven years sober myself. Got sober during my divorce. It saved my life and gave me a new one that’s better in every way. New job, new house, new hobbies, my kids feel safe in my house and I’m happy in my skin
/r/Divorce_Men03/01/26 01:17 AM
4

Worse yet would be trying to do a Brady bunch with another batch of kids. My two teen girls threatened to move to my house full time if their mom moves in with her boyfriend and his 3 kids. Don’t be like my ex. It’s better to date for fun and leave the kids out of it for a few more years.
/r/Divorce_Men02/01/26 06:20 AM
2

So there’s two separate issues here: Child support - this largely depends on your custody split. You need to fight for 50/50. There is no way to force her to be treated equally and support herself while simultaneously saying that you can’t work a full time job while also caring for the kids. Alimony - So that she can continue living in the lifestyle she’s accustomed to (whatever that means). This will also depend on the child support figure calculated above. You need to prove that she is capable…
/r/Divorce_Men19/12/25 06:48 PM
5

I quit drinking 7 years ago when I found myself in a remarkably similar state. After a couple months my emotional state improved dramatically. After a year, I found that my mental and physical health were better than I ever remember. Started running and stopped eating processed foods. I can say with certainty that mental health starts in the gut.
/r/Divorce_Men15/12/25 06:33 AM
6

This is my 7th Christmas post divorce. The first two divorce apartment Christmas’s were depressing while my wife and her affair partner had it good in my house. However, once the house sold, I bought a new house and it’s adorable. I still keep the traditions of cutting down a tree with the kids. Hanging stockings and lights up. Our whole neighborhood lights up. Now it’s my exwife with the apartment. I have a new girlfriend that songs and bakes cookies. It’s different but it’s still great. You wi…
/r/Divorce_Men13/12/25 02:58 PM
4

Thank DJT for that lovely tax bill. He grandfathered all the boomers in though. Classic ladder pull.
/r/Divorce_Men11/12/25 02:41 PM
3

golfing twice a week
/r/Divorce_Men11/12/25 08:35 AM
8

Start reading “No more mr nice guy” https://a.co/d/2X7beVK
/r/Divorce_Men07/12/25 04:03 AM
3

It’s perimenopause. It wacks out their brains. The girl you met is slowly dying and being replaced by her angry grandmother. She doesn’t think about sex, it doesn’t even cross her mind. She doesn’t sleep. She can’t remember things. Is easily overwhelmed. She’s probably gaining weight in new odd places like the back of her arms. No patience and can’t stand you! Listen to these podcasts and learn how to approach the subject of hormone replacement therapy very delicately. https://podcasts.apple.com…
/r/Divorce_Men04/12/25 10:46 PM
20

She’s going through perimenopause. It wacks out their brains. Listen to a bunch of podcasts on the topic and learn how to approach the subject of hormone replacement therapy. This will probably save your marriage if you want it to. If you do get divorced. Do not give her any more than 50/50 custody. If women can hold a job and care for kids so can you. It takes a village. Make friends with your kids parents. Tap your mom/sister/friends for help. Pay for after school care. You want to train your …
/r/Divorce_Men04/12/25 02:00 AM
10

Online dating is very effective when used properly. Its all about getting high numbers, and getting them "off app" as soon as possible. I try to get them on the phone for a video meetup or out for a coffee date within 10 messages. Anything longer and they are wasting your time. Watch this video for a short summary of how to maximize your online dating: https://youtu.be/KXXY0ydT4L4?si=6njzlDGU_hm6151K
/r/Divorce_Men02/12/25 04:31 PM
3

This is par for the course with high conflict divorces. My ex took pictures of bruises the kids got while at my house (probably playing outside at school) and made a claim that I beat the kids. There isn't anything you can do. Follow your attorney's advice. It helps me to think about my ex having a full blown identity crisis. Her entire being is wrapped up around the idea that "she's the kids mom and the only one that can keep them alive", "that you are bad because you make her feel bad", "you a…
/r/Divorce_Men02/12/25 04:26 PM
2

Gentlemen, this is why we all need to fight for 50/50 out the gate! Once mom leaves the state with your kid it's going to take years and tens of thousands (if not hundreds of thousands) of dollars to unfuck the situation. Complicating this is that the new wife is probably putting all kinds of pressure on you to not be paying your ex money that she feels should be coming to her. It seems like it wasn't a problem to you to pay the ex out of state until the new girl had a second baby and is looking…
/r/Divorce_Men02/12/25 04:15 PM
3

TLDR Own your part: Don’t stay stuck as a victim—reflect, take responsibility, and grow. Self-improvement matters: Work on communication, intimacy, and personal healing before or after divorce. Mutual effort is essential: One person can’t save a relationship; both must choose to invest. Choose those who choose you: Let go of people who don’t reciprocate—freedom leads to better connections.
/r/Divorce_Men29/11/25 06:17 PM
4

So there’s a few things to consider here… How crazy she? If you answered “crazy as hell“ then she will come back and hit you with a domestic violence allegation and protective order. You will be out of the house fast and spend several months (and $30,000) fighting this charge to see your kids again. (I have personal experience with this). Where else would she go if you keep her out of the house? She’s probably not going to go rent her own place. Odds are she’ll move back home or with her sister/…
/r/Divorce_Men29/11/25 04:49 PM
7

This is actually a good warning. Men spend their time working and alone. Her friends are our friends. Her family becomes our family. When she leaves, we don’t just lose our wife, we lose most of our social group. This is why men die 7 years earlier than women when we aren’t married. Humans are social animals and don’t do well alone. So if you find you are alone on holidays, there’s a good chance you are not prioritizing building community for yourself. Friends that invite you over to their party…
/r/Divorce_Men27/11/25 02:40 PM
5

I am not a lawyer and this is not legal advice but there’s a couple things wrong here. A mediator cannot force a change to a support order. Or make you agree to anything. Only a judge can make you pay more. California Family Code §4058(b) allows courts to calculate support based on what a parent could reasonably earn rather than what they currently earn. This means the court may say: “Even though she lost her job, she is capable of earning $X, so we will base support on that amount.” Courts look…
/r/Divorce_Men26/11/25 03:04 AM
2

It ultimately doesn’t matter why. Ask yourself if you will care in ten years. You probably won’t. I know I don’t care anymore. I’m glad she cheated. We were on different paths. Look into the third patriarch of zen for some wisdom on achieving peace of mind: The Great Way is not difficult for those who have no preferences. When love and hate are both absent everything becomes clear and undisguised. Make the smallest distinction, however, and heaven and earth are set infinitely apart. If you wish …
/r/Divorce_Men21/11/25 12:42 AM
9

it’s menopause. she’s lost her sex hormones. listen to some podcasts about it and see if you can talk to her about it in a way that doesn’t make her go insane.
/r/Divorce_Men17/11/25 02:39 PM
3

Well yeah, you moved to texas from california. I would be miserable too. Not sure why you are working empty hollow low paying jobs. It’s a good time to go back to school and find something that brings you purpose and joy. Maybe start a business grooming dogs or something. Move to palm springs and become a bohemian. Date hippie yoga girls and take mushrooms. Find your spirit and passion.
/r/Divorce_Men14/11/25 02:26 PM
2

it’s for the best. i was diagnosed during my divorce too and honestly it’s the best thing that ever happened to me. it’s better to be alone than with someone who resents you. put your diet, health, and stress reduction as your #1 priority.
/r/Divorce_Men09/11/25 07:29 PM
3

I found that wisdom found in the third patriarch of zen is helpful to understand. The Great Way is not difficult for those who have no preferences. When love and hate are both absent everything becomes clear and undisguised. Make the smallest distinction, however, and heaven and earth are set infinitely apart. If you wish to see the truth then hold no opinions for or against anything. To set up what you like against what you dislike is the disease of the mind. When the deep meaning of things is …
/r/Divorce_Men06/11/25 04:24 PM
16

This is legitimately the hardest thing you will experience in your life besides loved ones dying. Having lost both my parents at 20y and an older brother, the divorce is in some ways worse because the reminder of her betrayal is on going and in your face. So take your physical and mental health seriously. Like deadly serious. The stress from this can cause all sorts of heath problems from heart disease to cancer or autoimmune disorders. Quit drinking / smoking for a while and use your anger to g…
/r/Divorce_Men04/11/25 04:19 PM
5

This to me could indicate that I don’t have enough platonic female friends. I would take my sister, or my older daughter. Ultimately though nobody cares.
/r/Divorce_Men04/11/25 03:38 PM
8

there are a LOT of women who have advanced degrees, own businesses, and have their own house (sometimes multiple houses). often these women are just as lonely as you are. after my ex took most of my savings, i made up my mind to not date anymore waitresses, hairdressers, life/wellness coaches, or stay at home moms. in fact, i didn’t want to date any moms at all. i already did the step dad thing for 16 years and it was a whole lot of not fun. so i dated a couple doctors, a kinky travel nurse prac…
/r/Divorce_Men04/11/25 06:16 AM
5

This is the danger of being separated… Had you gotten divorced 8 years ago you would probably be about ready to get your lifetime alimony payments cancelled. You would have had to pay her 50% of your retirement 8 years ago as well, but now she’s got a legal claim to anything you saved since then. You have a legal argument that she doesn’t deserve anything beyond 2017 but it’s probably going to cost you $30k to $60k to make your case to a judge.
/r/Divorce_Men02/11/25 07:34 PM
2

I personally want to be close to my kids when they grow up. See them have kids and be a cool grandpa. So i would move but to which ever kid lives in the coolest place. however, moving to hawaii and buying a sail boat is not a horrible idea either.
/r/Divorce_Men31/10/25 02:37 AM
2

Being divorced is fucking amazing! Getting divorced sucked ass. Missing my kids, all the false accusations, and legal filings. Living in a box until I forced her to sell the house etc. But now I have a beautiful new house, a couple new cars, a new rv, and two new full sized tool chests full of tools to replace the old one she sold at a yard sale. I get 50% of the week with no kids and am playing golf twice a week. I started a side business in my no kid time during the divorce which turned into a…
/r/Divorce_Men31/10/25 01:11 AM
12

Rick Moranis was at the peak of his career when his wife died of cancer. He dropped completely off the map for 20 years to spend his time raising his kids. He could have paid someone to do it but found value in the work. You will find the same struggle in your work life balance. Paying for help means the kids are being raised by strangers. While doing it yourself means sacrificing in your career and finances. There’s no easy answer here. I was fortunate to go 100% WFH in 2020 and have a flexible…
/r/Divorce_Men23/10/25 01:51 AM
7

and often…
/r/Divorce_Men14/10/25 05:29 AM
6

Well for starters, it sounds like you need to have a serious sit down with her… tell her that you love her but that you are tired of repeating what you feel is a toxic relationship cycle and that something needs to change. it sounds to me like she has PMDD and I don’t know how old she is but if she’s over 40 she’s probably dealing with perimenopause too. Besides pregnancy, peri is the biggest change in a woman’s body in her life. Either way it sounds like she needs to be on hormone replacement t…
/r/Divorce_Men11/10/25 05:29 PM
1

hopefully with kindness and empathy… my current 47 y/o girlfriend has been acting completely insane this year. i’m ready to break up with her over it. she’s got the karen rage. i have been sending her podcasts from people she admires talking about it. she finally brought it up with her coven of witchy friends and found out to her surprise that 4 out of 5 are already taking hormones. she made an appointment with a friends doctor the next day. we need to normalize this for our perimenopausal women…
/r/Divorce_Men10/10/25 03:29 PM
9

You are lucky that she waited that long! My ex was banging two of the neighbors for a couple years before I found out. One week after I moved out of the house, he was moving in. Took me two years of legal warfare to root them out of that house.
/r/Divorce_Men09/10/25 08:11 PM
-4

it’s menopause. get her to a clinic to test her hormones and start HRT.
/r/Divorce_Men08/10/25 05:37 PM
10

The fact that you want to give it back to get a reaction from her tells me that you are not doing this right. She’s not going to give you the satisfaction that you want. She’s not responsible for your feelings. She’s not your friend anymore. Put the ring in a drawer until you don’t care about it anymore. Then sell it or throw it away.
/r/Divorce_Men05/10/25 05:26 PM
2

went all the way to trial after two years with lots of fun stops along the way.
/r/Divorce_Men03/10/25 12:03 AM
3

Google maps for Family law attorney around the nearest 4 blocks from the courthouse that will be handing your case. Odds are that they are in court nearly everyday and will know the judges personally. This was helpful in my divorce. You will need to pay $200 for a consultation. Feel free to get a couple. It’s the cheapest law thing that will happen to you this year. Retainers are around $10k and often only last for the first month or two. My high conflict divorce was $68,000. I used a hardship t…
/r/Divorce_Men02/10/25 07:33 PM
1

i second this idea! how exciting to start over again. maybe move somewhere new. my friend moved to hawaii, bought a boat and met a 65 y/o yoga instructor. they fell in love, got married, and literally sailed into the sunset.
/r/Divorce_Men01/10/25 12:12 AM
22

In my experience, women are completely transactional in relationships. I don’t think it’s on purpose or even in their awareness. They give out amazing sex until they get you locked in. Then once they get a baby the sex dries up. You are now a completely replaceable worker bee. If another monkey comes along with more bananas she’s going to go for it. Eventually they hit perimenopause in their late 30s and all those soft nurturing female sex hormones start to disappear and they become completely d…
/r/Divorce_Men26/09/25 12:19 AM
–

she’s offering you half which is fair. take it and run. i spent $75,000 on attorney fees to get her to agree to take half. Go get a better job and have fun being a single guy. Get a sugar momma if you need more than you can make. Grow a pair.
/r/Divorce_Men25/09/25 06:08 PM
20

This happened to me too. Alleging abuse claims is the third rail of family law. It immediately supersedes normal custody agreements and you go into a temporary restraining order court process. Many women use this to delay custody proceedings for 6 months or more so they can then claim that "they are the primary parent and that you don't do anything" when they go back to the normal custody negotiations after the TRO is dismissed for lack of evidence. The good news is that most courts are getting …
/r/Divorce_Men25/09/25 04:19 PM
2

if my ex was recording me 24x7 i would throw the cameras away. she’s just looking to gather evidence. in this case it’s the opposite. he’s recording her 24x7 and she’s deleting footage of her personal time when he isn’t around. the whole thing is very creepy.
/r/Divorce_Men25/09/25 01:15 PM
6

frankly you’re going to have to learn how to adjust to not controlling her. missing camera footage? if i had to cohabitate with a soon to be ex, i would get rid of the cameras completely. until you get the hang of your newfound powerlessness, you are in for a rough time in your divorce. guess what, you don’t get to tell your exwife who she can hang out with, who she can date, where she can go, how much time she spends with the kids on “her time”, or who picks them up from school.
/r/Divorce_Men25/09/25 05:27 AM
2

document everything you are doing and have been doing. get a good family law attorney that works next to the court so they know all the judges. teenagers are able to testify to the court where they want to live and courts will give that preference high value. you need counsel. go plunk down a few hundred dollars to get an hour consultation to see what you are looking at.
/r/Divorce_Men25/09/25 01:41 AM
3

Good news is that she makes a good salary and doesn’t have primary custody. You have a good argument to make that you need to get a different job since you are the main parent and will need more time at home to care for your child. If you make less it could even be possible for you to get child support from her! The court will definitely impute her for her income. Imputing for her past salary is more tricky but may not be necessary. Alimony is not always given. child support is mandatory, alimon…
/r/Divorce_Men25/09/25 01:25 AM
0

lol you’re so fucked.
/r/Divorce_Men25/09/25 01:17 AM
2

Be cool daddy-o! This isn’t about you. Making your kid hate his mom or his stepdad isn’t going to be in your child’s best interest. Please go sign up for some therapy tomorrow before you fuck this child up. Also try to unpack why you were with this woman to begin with and how you can avoid making the same mistake again (because you probably will). My ex cheated on me several times over 15 years and ended up with her affair partner living in my house while i paid for their bills. Seven years late…
/r/Divorce_Men24/09/25 12:30 AM
1

you need to be smart and wait… retire and become a full time dad. live off your “fixed income” investments. encourage her to get of the house and get a full time job or start a business. the goal will be to split everything 50/50 so do understand that you’re going to lose millions. however you want to limit the amount of alimony you have to pay which depends on your income and her “standard of life”. if she’s making more money than you because you haven’t worked in two years that will weigh heav…
/r/Divorce_Men23/09/25 07:42 PM
3

unless mom gets arrested for dui / drugs or is institutionalized for mental health you’re pissing into the wind. you will be lucky to get 50/50 most of the time.
/r/Divorce_Men22/09/25 02:26 AM
4

Quit drinking and smoking. it took me a few months to get the anxiety under control after getting sober. Seven years later and loving my new sober life!
/r/Divorce_Men20/09/25 03:08 AM
13

Went to burning man with my new girlfriend. Spent all week hanging out in my RV with 4 almost always naked women who spent a lot of time comparing their boobs with each other. We all ended up in a naked shower dance party with 75 other naked sexy people. It was fun being the only guy. Felt like a fox in a chicken coop!
/r/Divorce_Men20/09/25 02:58 AM
6

Go to burning man and get flogged for free at one of the many bdsm camps!
/r/Divorce_Men19/09/25 12:50 AM
7

better to go meet women in person then. the apps are not meant to be free. they tease you with a free version that doesn’t actually deliver any value. cold approaches take skill and practice. there is lots of youtube content on doing this successfully. i don’t drink so i had to do my approach work at the store and at meet ups. it’s very hard to find single women as you go about your day unless you are in your 20s or live somewhere like san diego.
/r/Divorce_Men18/09/25 11:39 PM
10

You need to learn some game! After being married for 20 years, I had some serious learning to do myself. Here’s what worked for me: Read the following books in this order: No more mr nice guy, The rational male, Models - Attract women through honesty. Listen to the “how to talk to girls” podcast by Tripp Kramer. Get some therapy to work through your divorce and your childhood shit. Once you have your head right, you need to get your body right. Get a quality hair cut and a new wardrobe. Get clot…
/r/Divorce_Men18/09/25 11:02 PM
7

I burned through a $7000 retainer from just the initial financial disclosure filings. it lasted for about one month of my almost two year long divorce. My average burn rate was around $5000 a month for a high conflict personality disordered divorce.
/r/Divorce_Men16/09/25 07:26 PM
2

i never bothered. it would cost me $7000 for a private eye to gather evidence and another $10,000 in attorney fees. by the time i got a court hearing he would have magically “moved back to his old place” where he was still receiving his mail. now she’s got a new guy and they are engaged but waiting until the kids are 18 to get married so i don’t stop the money faucet
/r/Divorce_Men14/09/25 07:10 PM
18

this is a tough one… my ex did the same thing. we did three rounds of meditation where i was like “let’s be fair and split everything in half!” and she was like “i want the entire house and your 401k!”. Another round of mediation with a retired judge who told her “you’re being unreasonable”. when she realized that i was going to win my case, she called CPS and filed a restraining order against me for abusing the kids (that cost an extra $30k) to get dismissed. well two years later I finally got …
/r/Divorce_Men14/09/25 03:58 AM
3

first, go get a good family law attorney who works next to the courthouse. pay for a $200 - $300 hour long consultation to how badly you’re going to get the shaft. second, go find a good therapist. you will have a lot to unpack as you rebuild your life.
/r/Divorce_Men13/09/25 07:03 PM
5

Dude… you deserve 50/50 custody. She needs to grow up and get a full time job too so the kids are going to be some kind of after school program no matter what. Giving her primary custody means that you won’t have a say in what school district she moves to or what vaccines they are not given based on her most recent tiktok health video education. You are starting with a losing hand with the attitude “i think they should be with her because”. Might as well bend over, lube it up and get boned. Job …
/r/Divorce_Men08/09/25 03:08 PM
1

same exact experience.
/r/Divorce_Men27/08/25 12:41 AM
3

definitely time to get a protective order. sorry man but you’ve got some tough times ahead. it’s going to be hard to be the “everything” dad. you will need help. call your siblings, parents, friends and see if you can get help with school drops and pickups etc. you need to keep this woman away from them.
/r/Divorce_Men31/07/25 06:24 PM
4

https://youtu.be/KXXY0ydT4L4?feature=shared learn about dating. learn about game. learn about relationship dynamics. listen: to the how to talk to girls podcast read: models, the rational male, no more mr nice guy, atomic attraction get in decent shape if your not. research how to make a good profile (sometimes less is more. keep it positive. don’t turn anyone away). pay for professional photos. they make a huge difference. a selfie that i thought looked amazing got very little likes. the profes…
/r/Divorce_Men30/07/25 07:17 PM
1

yeah AP moved in within weeks. Ex dragged out the divorce for ever. Kept getting drunk and driving with the kids despite a no drugs/alcohol order from the judge. Once the drinking started becoming a threat to her custody she made up DV allegations against me saying I beat the kids and had CPS come out to my house. That restraining order cost me an extra $30k to get my kids back. The whole time I’m living in a crappy apartment while she’s having big parties in my house. All my “friends” were real…
/r/Divorce_Men30/07/25 06:25 PM
5

yeah AP moved in within weeks. Ex dragged out the divorce for ever. Kept getting drunk and driving with the kids despite a no drugs/alcohol order from the judge. Once the drinking started becoming a threat to her custody she made up DV allegations against me saying I beat the kids and had CPS come out to my house. That restraining order cost me an extra $30k to get my kids back. The whole time I’m living in a crappy apartment while she’s having big parties in my house. All my “friends” were real…
/r/Divorce_Men30/07/25 06:20 PM
1

So true! The first two years were dark as fuck. The last 5 have been amazing!
/r/Divorce_Men30/07/25 03:52 PM
4

Get some therapy my guy! You’ve got some big things to unpack. I found it very helpful.
/r/Divorce_Men29/07/25 01:16 PM
7

I’m curious why she was not imputed income as well. Seems odd for someone who is not disabled or a full time caregiver of a disabled child to not get at least minimum wage imputed. That being said, I was married 16 years and make $210k. The last time I spoke with my attorney was on year 4 post divorce. I asked about the alimony and Gavron. She said it’s not worth bringing up until half time year 8. That’s also when my last child support payment will be paid so i’m chilling until then. My alimony…
/r/Divorce_Men27/07/25 10:33 PM
2

I hear that. I was drinking a lot of vodka in the lead up to my divorce. My blood pressure was 160 and I wasn’t eating or sleeping right. It felt like my life was over! I finally made the decision to get sober and get healthy. To get back into hobbies I left behind 20 years ago. Found some support groups and made a ton of friends who were in similar situations. Seven years of sobriety later and I have a new job making double, new house, new rv, i’m playing golf two times a week, new gf who has h…
/r/Divorce_Men25/07/25 09:31 PM
2

Divorce is one of the hardest things you will go through in your life. Take your physical and emotional health seriously. Eat right. Stay away from drugs/booze. Lots of weights. Meditation/ yoga/hiking. Get into nature. Find a community.
/r/Divorce_Men24/07/25 03:10 PM
17

My ex started embezzling cash for about a year before filing. She also was racking up credit card debt and taking on new retail credit accounts at stores like Nordstroms. She also convinced me to buy new appliances, furniture, and a bedroom set for the house while saying she wanted us to work things out. So when she finally filed for divorce she had I would guess around $10,000 in untraceable cash plus $15,000 in credit card debt that I had to pay off and a house full of new things I didn’t get …
/r/Divorce_Men19/07/25 05:11 PM
9

Hmm this is a complicated question… and you will get answers from “it’s impossible and i’m going to be celibate” to “it’s shooting fish in a barrel”. The answer for you will depend on a few things. First do you have your own life in order? Good health and physical fitness? A good job in a field you are passionate about? An interesting life with friends and your own hobbies? Well dressed and groomed? No drugs / rare or no alcohol use? How much baggage do you come with? Is your divorce and your ex…
/r/Divorce_Men14/07/25 12:00 AM
1

yeah still with her. five years this week. you’re right about her salary but she has a masters degree and earning potential unlike my ex. she inherited a million dollars cash and the house from her grandparents who she took care of for their final years. so with low expenses she doesn’t need to work much.
/r/Divorce_Men10/07/25 12:45 PM
1

yeah sounds about right. mine was around 3 years
/r/Divorce_Men10/07/25 04:48 AM
12

quit drinking. stop taking drugs. no smoking. study buddhism. do yoga. fix your diet. my blood pressure dropped from 160 to 115 after 3 months of sobriety. i gained control of my emotions around 9 months. At 7 years i’m pretty much at peace 99% of the time.
/r/Divorce_Men23/06/25 08:03 PM
4

it’s really not that simple… For example my health insurance is going up by $200 a month. Would my support payments to her then go down by $200 if i took her back to court? No of course it wouldn’t. It might go down by $20 if I’m lucky but in reality it would probably go up since I got five years of inflation raises at work and she continues to not work and live off my support payments. So I’m asking her to do something to help me save $2400 a year and might only result in her getting an extra $…
/r/Divorce_Men20/06/25 10:52 PM
23

Here is what happened to me this week and I think there is a lesson in here for you as well. In my divorce settlement it states that i carry health insurance for the kids. My ex at some point in the past 4 years applied for and got free healthcare from the state for poor working mothers. This coming year, my health insurance is going up by $2500 a year this year so I asked her if she thought I could drop my coverage for the kids since they are also covered under her free policy. Her reply was “y…
/r/Divorce_Men20/06/25 06:55 PM
3

It depends on how much money is at stake, how difficult your ex will be, and what you are willing to spend to get what you want. If it’s cookie cutter, then get a paralegal to help you file the paperwork yourself. If it’s going to be a war, you could start by looking for family law attorneys near to the court house on google maps (proximity is important because you want the judge to know them, see them all the time, trust them), then check out their reviews and websites, and finally call your to…
/r/Divorce_Men17/06/25 11:18 PM
4

truly, i’m jealous! If I could have a do over I would do things so much differently. Driving in traffic for 4 hours a day over 15 years. Raising 3 step kids that don’t want anything to do with me now. Hundreds of soccer games. Soulless jobs. It all boiled down to one day when I was 21. My two best friends were going to mexico on a surf trip. With no money or plans, a car full of booze and boards. I was originally planning to go but I had just started dating a little mexican girl who fucked like …
/r/Divorce_Men15/06/25 10:19 PM
2

Are their kids involved? If yes, then probably best to tap your breaks. It might be tempting to move to hawaii and setup a new life in the jungle working for cash only and not paying child support like my friend Justin’s dad did. However that really messed him up because his mom was a mess and dad disappeared. You will definitely still need make changes but within the framework of still being a good father. If no, then I say now is a great time to reassess what you want your new life to look lik…
/r/Divorce_Men15/06/25 06:43 PM
10

cashed out 50% of my 401k. $75,000… 68k went to the attorney. the rest on a down payment for my divorce apartment. my ex got the other 50% in a QDRO in the settlement. Started my retirement savings from scratch at 42 years old. in 5 years post divorce I have already saved up more than I had in 20 years for my 401k because she was spending all my money on clothes and jewelry.
/r/Divorce_Men10/06/25 01:57 AM
13

The real question is: Do you have $100,000 in liquid cash to give them? If yes, then tell them you want to fight and money is no object. If no, then settle this thing as fast as you possibly can.
/r/Divorce_Men08/06/25 12:32 AM
7

$68,000 over two years. Settled on the first day of trial for 50/50 split of everything. She got $100k in 401k, a free car, and $300k from the house sale.
/r/Divorce_Men07/06/25 04:14 AM
6

The way I have figured it out is that these women are hard wired to be the hero of their own story. In this case, the story of being the best mother of the children is so core to the idea of her self that to deny that it’s true would mean ego death. You are running up against a personality disorder here where she is always good and you are always bad. She’s also the victim in this story (even if she cheated) so don’t be surprised if she’s slandered you to all her friends and family. We are all f…
/r/Divorce_Men28/05/25 12:24 AM
5

If you want a church girl, only date women from church. If you want a partner to do gangbangs in the orgy dome at burning man a high body count is meaningless. To each his own.
/r/Divorce_Men21/05/25 02:31 AM
28

I think perimenopause has a huge impact on women. they literally turn into different people with different personalities.
/r/Divorce_Men06/05/25 01:05 PM
2

So to start with, my life is soooo much better without my toxic ex. I’m playing golf twice a week and nobody is bitching about it or the last guitar I bought. I finally got my lazy ex to sell the house and bought a new house for myself that is smaller but gorgeous. She’s had 6 apartments in 6 years while Im rooted in a neighborhood by the schools. The kids are fine and appreciate having a father who is dependable, happy, and present. I’m in vegas with my 13y/o for a volleyball tournament right n…
/r/Divorce_Men27/04/25 01:19 PM
20

I remember living in my rv by the bay while my stbxw was having a party in my house for her affair boyfriends birthday. I went to balboa island and got a chocolate covered banana and sat on a bench watching all the happy families laughing and smiling. It was one of the darkest days of my life… But I started making gratitude lists and on that day I said to myself “you know, there’s probably like 50 million people in India that would trade places with me in a second”. So start making lists of ten …
/r/Divorce_Men20/04/25 03:37 PM
6

Congrats on wrapping up the divorce! I went for 50/50 custody so I had to give up my dream of living by the beach and dating hot yoga babes in order to live in the inland town where my ex had the kids enrolled. After 6 years of sharing custody, this is my take away. The closer you are the better. I live 3 miles away from the middle school and 5 miles from the high school. Doing drop off and pick ups literally takes 2 to 3 hours of my day. I am lucky that I can do my work remotely but still it su…
/r/Divorce_Men19/04/25 04:02 AM
2

i tried to get mine arrested after she showed up to soccer practice black out drunk with the kids in the car. the cops didn’t arrest her because she wasn’t driving when they arrived, they took her to a friends house to sleep it off and left the kids with me. the court didn’t give a shit. the kids kept complaining about mom driving drunk with them so i called CPS on her. After speaking with her on the phone, they came to my house to investigate me for child abuse. It’s fucking crazy that anything…
/r/Divorce_Men18/04/25 03:13 PM
10

My ex wife of 16 years was a waitress when we met. I let her quit work after I found a great job so she could do the SAHM thing. When we got divorced (because she was cheating on me for a second time) she was under the impression that I would continue to pay for her bills and she could keep the house until the kids were out of high school (like 8 years). I offer to split everything 50/50 and equal custody. Meditation went nowhere. Three times to mediation. Once to see a pretrial judge to explain…
/r/Divorce_Men17/04/25 11:28 PM
2

Be aware the dating apps need to be used correctly… Check out this guys content for a how to: https://youtu.be/KXXY0ydT4L4?feature=shared He also has a podcast “How to talk to girls”. I recommend reading the following books: The rational male Models: Attracting women through honesty No more mr nice guy
/r/Divorce_Men09/04/25 12:45 AM
29

First, you don’t need a woman to be complete. If you’re lonely, get some golf/climbing/biking buddies to hang out with. Focus on your kid’s and career. You’re going to need extra money for a while so a promotion will be nice. Second, you won’t find a woman when you “need” one. They have neediness detectors that will smell that stink from a mile away. Only when you reach a place of not giving a fuck will a woman land in your lap. Third, you will have to actively date and screen these girls. I wen…
/r/Divorce_Men09/04/25 12:29 AM
6

Yeah she’s got OCD and wipes all the door knobs 50 times a day!
/r/Divorce_Men04/04/25 04:52 PM
17

Well the other thing I learned was to stop dating waitresses, hairdressers, and single mothers. I have a gf now with her own house in palm springs that’s paid off. She makes $150 an hour as a therapist. It’s great going down to her place, playing golf and relaxing poolside in February.
/r/Divorce_Men04/04/25 02:39 PM
1

Let’s say it loud for the women in the back… Do not date men who are not fully divorced. Do not sleep with men who are still married. Do not date men who are still living with their wife.
/r/Divorce_Men01/04/25 01:32 PM
21

I had to quit drinking when I got divorced because I was semi suicidal. Just too damn destroyed to go on. It took about 6 months of sobriety, healthy eating, and regular exercise before I noticed that I was sleeping though the night and feeling much less depressed. Another 6 months and things were starting to turn around to good. Started dating for fun and playing golf weekly. Went on 50 first dates. Moved out of my divorce apartment and into my new smaller but beautiful house. Met a really spec…
/r/Divorce_Men01/04/25 12:14 AM
6

lol that man needs more time to clean up his life. Put him back in the oven for another year at 350 to cook through until not pink in the middle.
/r/Divorce_Men29/03/25 09:22 PM
15

You should do the same. Then upgrade to a younger wife who actually likes you.
/r/Divorce_Men28/03/25 09:08 PM
1

California is very methodical in their calculations. They have a calculator online to see what you will pay in support. Mostly you will need to advocate for 50/50 custody and for her to get a full time job. If she’s working full time there is no reason why you can’t also have shared equal custody. The kid will be fine. He will adjust. You will be fine. There’s a million other women. Get some hobbies and back into shape. https://childsupport.ca.gov/guideline-calculator/
/r/Divorce_Men28/03/25 07:02 PM
2

My $5000 retainer only paid for the filling and financial discovery forms… After that it ended up costing an additional $60,000 to go all the way through the court hearing two years later. I cashed out half my 401k to pay for it. The other half I had to give to my ex. If you can’t afford the retainer, you may not even need an attorney. Just pay a paralegal $300 to write up the forms for you and submit them to the court yourself.
/r/Divorce_Men28/03/25 03:18 PM
20

Dating in the middle ages is like shopping for clothes at a thrift shop. There’s always a reason for it to have been donated.
/r/Divorce_Men25/03/25 01:19 AM
2

First off, you’re already doing great by being self aware and trying to do better. That’s a big win! but yeah, no yelling at the kids… I quit drinking when I got divorced so I could be the best dad for my girls. After six months two things happened. First, my blood pressure dropped from 155/90 to 115/70 (i went to the dentist this week after having a cup of coffee for two crowns and only registered 120/80). Second, I stopped being angry or anxious. Add some therapy and some study / practice of z…
/r/Divorce_Men23/03/25 03:41 AM
3

oh i see. mine is voluntary. good luck!
/r/Divorce_Men20/03/25 07:53 PM
-1

it’s usually easier to ask for forgiveness than permission. just do it and say sorry if you get in trouble
/r/Divorce_Men20/03/25 05:34 PM
10

These are the books I read (and can recommend) during my divorce. Models - https://a.co/d/eGAR1qu The rational male - https://a.co/d/9YP26B1 Atomic Attraction - https://a.co/d/eBXOcQR No more mr nice guy - https://a.co/d/i741NjE Divorce Panic - https://a.co/d/1dNZumN I also like content from Tripp Kramer. His podcast “how to talk to girls” was helpful for me after being in a 17 year marriage and not understanding the rules of the game. https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/how-to-talk-to-girls-p…
/r/Divorce_Men12/03/25 02:26 AM
3

yeah definitely ex. not getting married ever again. that shit is way to expensive
/r/Divorce_Men12/03/25 02:15 AM
9

Yup. Newport Dunes RV park for like $1500 a month. Five stars.
/r/Divorce_Men12/03/25 12:46 AM
24

Well your sample size is probably pretty small right now and depending on where you live the population may be pretty unhealthy. I moved to Newport Beach CA and stayed in my RV by the bay during the duration of my divorce. It was incredible meeting so many successful educated single women in their 30s without kids or ounce of fat on them. It was incredibly fun and a great way to rehab my broken life/spirit. I had to read a ton of books on dating/game (models, rational male, no more mr nice guy, …
/r/Divorce_Men12/03/25 12:36 AM
8

Go to burning man. Join an art camp and participate in the pre-event fundraisers or builds.
/r/seduction10/03/25 07:31 PM
3

It took a couple years but life after divorce is amazing!
/r/Divorce_Men03/03/25 04:15 PM
1

It sounds like you have already completed step 1: We admitted we were powerless over alcohol—that our lives had become unmanageable. I lost my job of 17 years, wife of 16, my house, the relationship with the step kids I raised for most of their lives, and almost all my friends were her friend’s husbands. I started drinking heavily every night to just get to sleep. The anxiety and depression was crushing. Was ready to end it but decided to go to an AA meeting instead. I threw up in a trash can at…
/r/Divorce_Men02/03/25 11:14 PM
18

Lucky guy has a sugar momma… Aim for 50/50 custody and child support from that $50,000 difference in income. She will need to sell the house and give you half of the equity. Use this as an opportunity to remember who you are as an individual person and as a man. That guy who played in a garage band or had a custom classic car. The dude who had buddies to golf or bowl with. Get a hair cut. Nice clothes. Start working towards a better job. Quit drinking and fix your health. You only get one life. …
/r/Divorce_Men01/03/25 07:44 PM
3

I learned so much from Tripp Kramer. Here is good video on exactly this topic: https://youtu.be/KXXY0ydT4L4?feature=shared He’s got a ton of content on dating. His podcast “how to talk to girls” is good too. Also liked his book “Magnetic” although I thought that “The rational male” and “models” are more important reads.
/r/Divorce_Men27/02/25 11:34 PM
4

it doesn’t matter. if you really want to take your case to trial you will be out at least $30,000 and two or three years before you get your day in court. 9 times out 10 you’re going to get a mediated settlement deal.
/r/Divorce_Men27/02/25 11:15 PM
21

Dating apps should not be used until men have a clear understanding how they are to be used… Most women’s profiles are bots. It matters what app you are on. (Bumble and match were good a few years ago for me) Men are required to pay for premium services or it’s pointless. You need professional profile photos taken. (no fish, gym, selfies, group photos, etc) Expect 25 likes to turn into 5 chat conversations. Get them off the app AS SOON AS POSSIBLE! A phone call, video chat, meet for a coffee, me…
/r/Divorce_Men27/02/25 09:51 PM
1

For me quitting alcohol was the single biggest improvement in my life. The worst thing alcohol did was make things that were not ok —tolerable. My ex had been horrible to me for a long time. My job did not appreciate me. I was burned out from spending 3 hours a day commuting. Second was quitting processed foods. I only eat stuff I make at home now (or at healthy restaurants) and spend more for organic products. I also spent some money on a dietitian who told me I was allergic to wheat and barely…
/r/Divorce_Men25/02/25 11:08 PM
8

As someone who married a woman with three kids, raised them for 17 years and had two more kids I have some thoughts. First, I had the sleepless nights and crushing anxiety too. It makes sense because my entire life had crumbled. I have no idea what your relationship with drugs/alcohol is but I was drinking pretty heavy from the divorce stress. I found that when I got sober it took about a month or two for the chemical balance in my brain to repair and the anxiety went away. I also had more energ…
/r/Divorce_Men25/02/25 03:20 AM
10

The entitlement she has to the money he earns is so strong that she considers him not wanting to pay it abuse. Verbally abusive or not she will milk this guy for every last penny over the next decade.
/r/Divorce_Men24/02/25 10:24 PM
1

That makes sense. Trauma triggers the run away anxiety response.
/r/Divorce_Men24/02/25 03:43 PM
5

Sounds like you might need some therapy… It could be that you have some relationship OCD (R-OCD). That’s where you ruminate on thoughts like “I’m not good enough for her” or “I know she’s going to leave me”. Constantly need reassurance from your partner to feel safe, etc. Look it up online and see if it fits.
/r/Divorce_Men24/02/25 02:42 PM
16

It’s important to know a few things about women… They are genetically inclined to be more transactional in relationships than men. This is why women won’t date a guy who doesn’t have a good job, while men will marry any old waitress or hairdresser. They typically start the process of becoming unattached from you many months before you know about it. This gives them time to pick out a new lover before letting go of the old one. It’s a phenomenon called monkey branching. The good news for you is t…
/r/Divorce_Men24/02/25 03:53 AM
26

In CA you can file a Gavron order which states that she has a “reasonable” amount of time to become self sufficient. The courts typically determine reasonable to be half the duration of the marriage. So in my case I’m waiting for 8 years to go by so I can petition the court to reduce the $750 in monthly lifetime alimony. I have 4 more years to go. The paradox here is that I make $60,000 more now than I did when I divorced 4 years ago. So when I do go to court they will do a new income check and …
/r/Divorce_Men23/02/25 11:57 PM
2

Check out who is offering the best deal for new accounts right now… Chase has been sending me advertisements offering $900 to move my checking and savings over to them. However, currently I have a platinum account at BofA because they count my investments with Merrill Lynch towards the rewards tier. The platinum level gets me a bunch of free shit and increases the rewards on my credit card by like 1.5%. So it’s not quite worth the hassle to get that $900 for me. If you have under $50,000 it does…
/r/Divorce_Men22/02/25 09:46 PM
10

That damn TRO cost me an extra $20,000 and 4 months without seeing my kids.
/r/Divorce_Men22/02/25 03:46 PM
11

I tried to use my pain and sleepless nights to study for work certifications. I gave up drinking and got in better shape than I’ve been in decades. Got a new job making almost double. New car. New house. New RV. New clothes. Started going on dates. Turns out I’m a unicorn for the 30 to 40 year old crowd. I’m a good dad. I’m a good provider. Don’t drink or do drugs. I’m fun and have my own hobbies. I play golf two or more times a week. My average is down to low 80s. My new house has no eat pray l…
/r/Divorce_Men18/02/25 04:12 PM
2

I read this every day. It’s on my wall. The “great way” is a chinese translation for something like achieving enlightenment or nirvana. Inner peace if you will.
/r/Divorce_Men18/02/25 12:13 AM
8

Third Patriarch of Zen The Great Way is not difficult for those who have no preferences. When not attached to love or hate, all is clear and undisguised. Separate by the smallest amount, however, and you are as far from it as heaven is from earth. If you wish to know the truth,then hold to no opinions for or against anything. To set up what you like against what you dislike is the disease of the mind. Hsin Hsin Ming
/r/Divorce_Men17/02/25 11:28 PM
3

In CA, I spent $60,000 on my attorney and my ex had about the same. I offered 50/50 split on day 1 and didn’t budge from that. She wanted the whole house and full custody of the kids so she could continue to be a stay at home mom that lives off my income while going to pound town with her affair boyfriend. She dragged everything out for a couple years before we went to trial. The judge saw right through her delay tactics and when she asked for attorneys fees the judge said “refused. why didn’t y…
/r/Divorce_Men15/02/25 10:01 PM
7

In typical Republican fashion, they also grandfathered in the child support deduction for anyone divorced before 2018. There’s always a ladder pull on millennials.
/r/Divorce_Men26/01/25 05:06 PM
2

Take a breath. Go see an attorney. You’re going to be fine…
/r/Divorce_Men16/01/25 10:28 PM
4

Now that you don’t have a wife to deal with, you need to double down on transforming yourself into a better man. Stop eating garbage. Stop drinking and smoking weed. Start exercising. These healthy habits will get your testosterone levels up and depression levels down. Now you’re ready to get your ass in gear. Go to community college at night and get a certificate in something that has a big return on investment like electrician. start a side business on the weekends making extra cash. wash cars…
/r/Divorce_Men11/01/25 06:01 PM
5

Life is good. I started a network consulting company after the divorce. That catapulted me into a new job that pays double and matches 100% of 10% of salary for 401k. In 5 years since the divorce I’ve replaced all the money I lost / gave away. Im playing golf 3 times a week and have a good relationship with my kids who are teenagers now. Only 4 more years and i’m done paying that awful freeloading woman. She still hasn’t been able to get/keep a job and lives entirely off of my support payments. …
/r/Divorce_Men08/01/25 07:51 PM
10

I got 50/50 after two years of high conflict litigation. I offered a fair even split on day 1, she rejected and counter offered me every other weekends (with giving her the house too). She filed false domestic violence restraining orders, and used that as an excuse to keep the kids from me for a few months. I think she was hoping that after that defacto sole custody time that the court would be more open to granting her primary custody. The DVRO court stuff cost me about $25,000. The rest of the…
/r/Divorce_Men08/01/25 05:38 PM
12

Dating is hard but it can also be fun. You are probably a little depressed and women can smell that desperation from a mile away. I had to change my mindset from I want to fill my lonely hole to a mindset of I want to be the best version of me that doesn’t need somebody to fill me up. So I started working on myself. I started a business. I started playing golf 3 days a week. I started playing in a band with some friends. I started running and eating better. I quit drinking and got my blood press…
/r/Divorce_Men16/12/24 02:35 PM
4

this is a good thing! she weeded herself out of your life and it didn’t cost you half your pension.
/r/Divorce_Men10/12/24 02:58 AM
1

and they aren’t wrong. women can smell neediness from a mile away. If they are saying this most likely you need to read some books about how to play the dating game. These books should be required reading for all newly divorced men: The rational male https://a.co/d/gCrqzVt Models https://a.co/d/cIwn0Lc No more mr nice guy https://a.co/d/6k8GkoS I also recommend listening to the “how to talk to girls” podcast. Tripp has so many episodes on how to fix your dating life, how to build your confidence…
/r/Divorce_Men07/12/24 07:58 PM
5

Well at least now you know the rules of the game that’s about to be played on you… Going forward, you need to change your passwords to everything tonight. Cancel her from any joint accounts tomorrow. Video record any and every interaction you have with her. Mine got a restraining order because I was “threatening her”. In reality, I told her that if she didn’t stop driving the kids around drunk I would call CPS on her. She ended up calling cps on me for abusing the kids (a made up lie to muddy th…
/r/Divorce_Men29/11/24 03:43 AM
3

No kidding. I’m ready to take the bar after two years in divorce attorney hell.
/r/Divorce_Men28/11/24 03:04 AM
3

Get a cheaper attorney. Mine was the associate for the best divorce attorney in town. She was $250 while he was $400. The retainer of $7000 did not even cover the pretrial stuff like income and asset declarations. We went all the way to trial (literally standing outside the courtroom on our trial date) before reaching a settlement of 50/50. I had been asking for an even 50% of everything since day 1 while she wanted full custody, the house, my retirement fund etc. I had to fight abuse allegation…
/r/Divorce_Men28/11/24 02:59 AM
3

lol perfect
/r/Divorce_Men27/11/24 03:42 PM
9

Sorry to burst everyone’s bubble here, but the cops and the courts do not give one shit about your little seatbelt problem. I spent a year trying to protect my kids from my alcoholic exwife who would drive them around drunk. I even got the police to come after she showed up at soccer practice late and drunk. They gave her a warning and wrote a report since she wasn’t driving when they arrived 45 minutes later. The court didn’t give a shit about that either. I called CPS… she told them i was abus…
/r/Divorce_Men20/11/24 12:09 AM
2

one of the dating apps… it’s a shit show until you figure out that there’s a system to getting dates from the apps and it’s mostly a numbers game. pay for the premium subscription. get actual professional photos done. this made the biggest difference. my friend came over and we spent a few hours staging a few types of shots (portrait, riding a bike, contemplating in nature, etc) with his cannon. move them from app to your cell ASAP. don’t waste more than a handful of chats before moving them to …
/r/Divorce_Men12/11/24 04:25 AM
3

My first (post 16 year marriage) was a single / never married girl with no kids who was about 12 years younger than me. She was a VP at a marketing company. educated at NYU. About 95lbs wet. Absolutely gorgeous! I fell in love instantly… She wasn’t looking for a divorcee with two kids and after the initial excitement passed she dropped me like a hot rock. It still stings 6 years later. She got married to an attorney a year or so later. He’s around her own age and is also doing life things for th…
/r/Divorce_Men11/11/24 03:32 AM
1

Look I get it, the thought of being single is scary. Losing your house, most of your money, half your retirement savings, and time with your kids is scary. The problem is that you lost yourself somewhere along the way. Who are you as a man if you don’t have this woman to take care of? Here’s the good news… You can and will find a new better version of you! One that quit drinking, lost 30 pounds, and hits the gym. One that eats right has more energy, has more testosterone, and low blood pressure.…
/r/Divorce_Men04/10/24 02:26 PM
3

Go to Zion NP and hike the narrows. Go to Yosemite and hike Vernal falls. Rent a jeep to drive to the racetrack in Death valley. I just got done with 7 days at burning man. Definitely a life changing experience…
/r/Divorce_Men03/09/24 03:45 AM
5

Take up golf/tennis/rock climbing/whatever. Find some playing partners Profit! I play golf 3 times a week and have several buddies to hang out with. Guys are better at relationships that involve collectively “doing something”.
/r/Divorce_Men17/07/24 02:12 PM
1

I’ve got two teen girls and have no interest in starting over or raising more kids. When I first started dating, I was going for fun young girls and dated many 25 to 35 year olds. I learned two things from this. At 42 and out of a 17 year marriage, I have no idea how to relate with 20yo girls. The 30yo women are looking for their first marriage, family, house and I already did that / have that. So I started dating 35+ women who were mostly divorced. The ones with kids are just dtf. while the gir…
/r/Divorce_Men29/06/24 01:49 PM
1

Do you want to start over and have more kids with a new girl? This is the main question you need to answer because how you go about dating will depend on the answer. If the answer is yes, you will have a large selection of prime choice 30 to 40 women who are literally losing the minds to meet a man who will put a baby in them before their womb dries up. Women with degrees and good careers. Doctors and attorneys etc. If the answer is no, are you willing to raise some other man’s kids? Lots of mil…
/r/Divorce_Men29/06/24 02:54 AM
2

interesting... I’m right behind you. 16y marriage. Divorced for 4 with 5 more years of child support. She hasn’t worked or gone back to school and lives off my support. Last time I talked to my attorney she said just forget about it until you are at the halfway point. So four more years… I’m curious if you get a different answer from yours.
/r/Divorce_Men21/05/24 02:24 AM
1

ouch! i think it would be worth taking that back to court in a couple years to reduce. if there’s no kids involved she has no excuse to not figure out how to make a living. hell college is only four years.
/r/Divorce_Men20/04/24 02:52 PM
1

I finally left my wife after a year of her lying about her sobriety, finding bottles hidden in the house, and her coming home from target with bodies on her breath. The final straw was when she showed up to my daughter’s first soccer practice 45 minutes later and black out drunk with both kids in the car. I called the police but they didn’t cite her due to her not driving at the time they arrived. Fast forward a year or so into the most insane divorce where I just wanted to split everything 50/5…
/r/Divorce_Men13/04/24 03:02 PM
3

i quit drinking and the anxiety went away completely in about two months
/r/Divorce_Men11/04/24 03:05 AM
2

this guy knows… lol
/r/Divorce_Men02/03/24 02:32 AM
4

Women in their 30s are a hot mess. It’s either used women looking for a meal ticket for the kids they had with some loser named Jeremy or women who know that their biological clock is ticking and need to get pregnant ASAP. You are just the convenient donor. I would take up golfing and try to get your handicap under 10 while you’re still fit. Take some casual dates here and there for fun and wait until the girls are hitting menopause before settling down again.
/r/Divorce_Men01/03/24 03:45 PM
6

Took me 50 first dates to meet my current 4 year girlfriend. Just keep your numbers up and you will meet someone eventually.
/r/Divorce_Men31/01/24 10:00 PM
3

my ex got caught driving the kids to soccer practice black out drunk and when i brought it up in court she accused me of harassment and threatening to kill her, filed a DV protection order against me and had CPS investigate me for child abuse. it took me $30k and several months of not seeing my kids to get that stuff thrown out. ended up spending $60k for the whole divorce and got 50/50 after a couple years. settle and be done
/r/Divorce_Men26/01/24 03:58 PM
2

Same story here too. The good news is, five years later i’ve got a beautiful new house, 50/50 with my kids, a pretty little girlfriend, and play golf 3 times a week without getting shit for it. my retirement is equal to where it was before the divorce because even with $2100 in child support alimony, I still have more money in my account at the end of the month to save.
/r/Divorce_Men25/01/24 03:49 PM
2

sorry it was santa cruz. too many santas
/r/Divorce_Men25/01/24 03:24 PM
9

it doesn’t sound too bad to me… let me know when she files BS domestic violence protective orders and kidnaps your kids on father’s day to go stay in a “shelter” (which turned out to be her affair partners beach house in san jose). or when she refused to vacate and sell the house for two years while i lived in a tiny apartment. or dragging out the divorce for years while the legal fees racked up to over $100,000. or 5 years post divorce is still getting $700 a month in lifetime alimony from me d…
/r/Divorce_Men25/01/24 04:56 AM
1

i spent $60k to get to trial and fight for 50/50. Got my child support down to $2100 a month. I would trade you in a second.
/r/Divorce_Men22/01/24 03:25 PM
1

stay at home mom for 16 years
/r/Divorce_Men18/01/24 01:53 AM
1

i make $190,000 and she doesn’t work at all. we had her impounded at full time minimum wage as if she does work but she only does stuff under the table so i can’t take her back to court.
/r/Divorce_Men18/01/24 01:12 AM
1

before taxes
/r/Divorce_Men18/01/24 01:11 AM
1

two. i also forgot to mention that i had my ex impounded at full time minimum wave ($45,000) even though she refuses to get a job and still hasn’t five years later.
/r/Divorce_Men18/01/24 01:10 AM
7

maybe you need to get more custody? i only make $15k per month but i was able to get my child support down to $1200 and $800 in alimony by getting to 50/50 custody and being able to claim one kid on my taxes.
/r/Divorce_Men17/01/24 10:25 PM
16

Sounds like a good opportunity to learn about the Buddhist philosophy of impermanence. The Buddha said that suffering is not inherent in the world of impermanence; suffering arises when we cling. When clinging disappears, impermanence no longer gives rise to suffering. The solution to suffering, then, is to end clinging. In other words, your suffering comes from trying to hold on to your old life, to memories past, and not embracing that things always change. Knowing that there will be joy withi…
/r/Divorce_Men13/01/24 06:28 PM
6

no. when i was 21 i bought into the myth that a father works and mom takes care of the kids. that decision probably cost me $300,000 over the next decade. i blame my parents who were married until they died for instilling such a ridiculous idea.
/r/Divorce_Men06/01/24 01:35 AM
10

Married 16 years in california. 2 kids 14 and 12. My attorneys fees were $60000 and my ex wife’s were $45000. She wanted to keep the house i bought and 100% custody. She got exactly what I offered on day 1.. a 50/50 split of everything including the kids. She did get lifetime alimony of $700 a month and my child support is $1400. Be glad your stbw has a job. Hopefully she will agree to split everything or you will spend more than the things are worth arguing over them.
/r/Divorce_Men06/01/24 12:34 AM
4

In hindsight, marrying Lola the cocktail waitress was a bad idea.
/r/Divorce_Men19/12/23 08:39 PM
17

Ca 2 kids (14 and 12) Me: $185,000 Her: $30,000 I cover health insurance. 50/50 custody. I get the older kid for my taxes for a few more years. $2200 monthly
/r/Divorce_Men19/12/23 04:14 AM
2

Did your attorney serve her with a Gavron Warning? It says basically that she needs to show some effort in finding work that is equivalent to the education and skills she has. Typically the court gives half the length of the marriage for alimony from the time of separation. So if you are separated for 2 and were married for 20, you have 8 more years of alimony to look forward to. Also you should get her impounded as making some money but my stay at home wife only got impounded at full time minim…
/r/Divorce_Men16/12/23 04:01 PM
5

golfing three times a week!
/r/Divorce_Men06/12/23 03:39 PM
1

In CA it costs a minimum of $800 a year to own an LLC. So it gets expensive to hide assets in this manner.
/r/Divorce_Men30/11/23 08:12 PM
1

I paid for my ex to go to Bali with her boyfriend! Even watched the kids for two weeks for her. It was a really special moment in my life.
/r/Divorce_Men29/11/23 12:45 AM
17

honestly the best thing you can hope for is your ex to get in a healthy stable relationship. it’s good for the kids instead of seeing her whore it up with a string of uncommitted men. its also good for you! if she’s happy, she won’t spend as much time trying to ruin your life.
/r/Divorce_Men23/11/23 02:30 AM
0

3 years post divorce and i’m paying $2200 a month to my ex so she can continue to not get a job, tell me she doesn’t have enough money to buy the kids clothes, and take multi week vacations to bali with her boyfriend. i think i only have another 6 or 7 years of this
/r/Divorce_Men03/11/23 06:13 PM
1

I definitely agree. I lost about a half million in my divorce and it was worth every penny. I’m still paying her 30% of every dollar I earn but it’s still worth it. Playing golf there times a week and don’t have to worry about my new girl friend making out with the neighbors when she’s drunk.
/r/Divorce_Men09/10/23 03:11 PM
1

In my case she had to pay her fees from her money, but only because she was so awful to work with. Dragging the case out for years with crazy motions when from day 1 I had been offering an even 50/50 split. She was asking for me to give her 100% of the house and I could go live in my RV. Sounds fair right?
/r/Divorce_Men07/10/23 03:04 PM
3

keep in mind the longer you wait the longer you pay alimony. i get to pay her “lifetime” alimony for my 15 year marriage. Check with your state laws to see when life time kicks in. I think it’s ten years for california. also any gains you get in stock you will give her half of so keep that in mind too. i had to give mine by entire remaining 401k after I sold half to pay my attorneys fees of $60,000. she thought she would get me to pay her attorney fees too being a stay at home mom.
/r/Divorce_Men07/10/23 12:28 AM
2

My ex “can’t afford” paying for half the price of a $40 homecoming ticket. She’s also going to mexico for a week this month and gets $2000 a month in support.
/r/Divorce_Men15/09/23 01:40 AM
4

I get that. I got a 2br apartment for two years while my cheating wife lived in my house and refused to sell until the judge ordered it. She made up a DV charge and got a temporary protective order. It’s expensive and it sucks. I spent $60,000 on attorneys fees just so i could have 50/50 with my daughters. The point is that 5 years later, none of that money court stuff matters at all. I got a better job, a better (but smaller) house, a better woman. My kids are happy and are trying to move in wi…
/r/Divorce_Men08/09/23 02:42 AM
8

don’t worry about the money. you can take care of yourself. you’re a grown ass man. i understand that you are hurt and a little angry but trust me when i say that you will be better off in 5 years if you’re willing to use this as a spring board to: Stop dressing like a slob. Get in the best shape of your life. Dedicate more time to work. Get promoted or get a new job. Go back to school. Get some therapy so you don’t marry the next version of this same woman. Get some fun hobbies. Motorcycle. Joi…
/r/Divorce_Men08/09/23 01:43 AM
1

i started golfing three times a week!
/r/Divorce_Men03/08/23 10:42 PM
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