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DCnative2020 Archive

View 1 post and 153 comments by DCnative2020 on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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Upvotes Title Category Author Subreddit Date (UTC)
12

DCnative2020/r/Divorce_Men24/04/23 07:06 PM
Upvotes Comment on Subreddit Date (UTC)
1

its called getting taken to the divorce cleaners. yeah your situation is pretty bad. If my math is right you will have about $8K a month left after fed/state taxes, spousal , and CS. Sounds like a lot but rent in HCOL is easily 3K a month. then you gotta worry about retirement and kids college. I hope the kids are close to 18. then should lessen the burden. and hopefully alimony is only a few years. and don't even bother dating unless you find a homebody that just watches netflix and orders chea…
/r/Divorce_Men02/04/24 10:30 PM
2

so are the 30s and up. and not by like 15-20 pounds which is manageable I am talking 50 plus pounds overweight. and they don't give an eff they will wear the tightest shorts and tank tops possible and just let it all hang out
/r/Divorce_Men02/04/24 09:03 PM
6

as long as you put yourself out there its really easy. staying at home won't get you anywhere. so just go out and do stuff
/r/Divorce_Men16/03/24 08:15 PM
1

lol I had one a couple years back discussing marriage on our second date. I peaced out from my observations 6-12 months is on average where the marriage talk comes up by them
/r/Divorce_Men16/03/24 06:53 PM
1

usually the juice is good the first few months with minimal effort. then the true colors show after about the 6 month mark. its not worth it. take your time and hard earned money and do something else with your life. trust me I have dated a lot since my divorce a few years ago. you are not missing out on anything.
/r/Divorce_Men16/03/24 06:37 PM
1

any motel 6 or super 8 will run you $300 at least per week. I just did a google search for a super 8 in a really bad part of town near me and its $49 plus I am willing to bet a shit load of taxes and fees that will make it $60 or so a night. thats gonna add up quick for a POS place to stay. I strongly suggest you walk into a mom and pop motel, and offer cash upfront for however long you need. if you need a month I would offer upfront $1K if your finances allow you to do so. sleeping in your car …
/r/Divorce_Men16/03/24 05:48 PM
4

unless and amazing woman comes along the juice is not worth the squeeze. way fucking better to be single and have lots of healthy friendships (men and women) than stuck in a toxic ass relationship where you never feel you are doing enough or good enough despite putting 100% in. take that time, energy, and money to do way more fulfilling stuff in life.
/r/Divorce_Men16/03/24 05:27 PM
2

good luck I am sure it will do well (with time). You have no experience though given your divorce was just a few months back. For context I got divorced a few years ago. I started a divorce group in my town that meets once per month and is free of charge. It is in person. I started it back in 2021 and about 5 people showed up for months on end. Then it exploded and been averaging about 70 people per session. its standing room only now. you need to have this structured well or you are gonna piss …
/r/Divorce_Men15/03/24 08:48 PM
2

3500 a month take home?!?! you are basically working as if your making $50K a year but in reality you make way more. you need to talk to an attorney. WTF. she is getting 2/3 of your paycheck. worst case should be around half but thats really extreme and rare shit where I live 3500 a month is a nice 3 bedroom apartment or a shitty house to rent. plus you still have your other expenses
/r/Divorce_Men15/03/24 08:42 PM
2

try offering her a lump sum. discount it by 35 or so percent. so if you were to pay her let's say $30,000 over the course of 3 years , offer her $22,000 upfront and she if she takes it. if she is broke AF she will take it
/r/Divorce_Men15/03/24 08:36 PM
3

find an attorney and file for divorce. you can still have a great life but pull the divorce trigger now so it will be 37 or so by the time you are divorced and can still get late 20s/early 30s women. This won't work if you hold out too much longer its a bit more challenging in 40s but not impossible
/r/Divorce_Men15/03/24 08:34 PM
4

like other said here the hate you have for her will just hold YOU back in life. so take a few months to heal and unless you have kids CUT off all contact with her after the divorce. it sucks to be cheated on. It happened to me with my first serious relationship post divorce. you will come out on the other side. just give it some time
/r/Divorce_Men15/03/24 08:32 PM
9

this! but also neglecting her will make her miserable so its a lose -lose situation. for the record it is much easier to neglect than to give her everything she wants lol so in other words anything you do (or don't do) is never good enough and they will peace out one day
/r/Divorce_Men15/03/24 08:28 PM
1

yeah at 14 months you should see real results maybe some muscle tone even. definitely fat loss. I used to date this let's say slightly thick woman and let me tell you I needed physical strength given her weight in the bedroom for various positions. good thing for those bicep curls and and shoulder presses lol
/r/Divorce_Men29/02/24 12:04 AM
2

stamina is underestimated. not only you have to perform strong you have to be in good physical shape to go however long 15mins? 30? etc what helped we was losing that last 15 pounds by going to the gym and eating healthier. did it pretty quick like 3 months
/r/Divorce_Men28/02/24 11:44 PM
4

wow a 25 year old guy . and ex your ex is 42?!? just SMH. tough decision to make as far as the move. can you wait 3 years until the middle child turns 18? maybe you can fly out every season to visit the younger one? 30-40K will be gone with higher housing costs and travel back to your hometown. Its really not much once you factor in fed taxes, state taxes, etc. maybe 2K a month more.
/r/Divorce_Men28/02/24 11:19 PM
2

google DivorceCare. its $25 (roughly) for 12 week session. They meet once per week its both men and women. It might be in your town they tend to stick with large metro areas though. I rent a meeting room at a local hotel. It cost about $250 for 1 hour. We meet for about 2 hours at most. I pay for refresments as well. I consider it giving back to my community. I got out after 10. but we dated for a couple years before that
/r/Divorce_Men28/02/24 08:37 PM
5

the backstory is I got divorced a few years back. When going through my divorce I did not have much of a support system. So I came up with this idea for divorced guys (and divorced dads) to meet monthly in my town. Went from about 5 people a meeting to at least 50 (if not more) in just a couple years. We talk about various issues and a few of us hangout afterwards and grab a drink or something. Its been beneficial for me and those that come out
/r/Divorce_Men28/02/24 08:00 PM
5

I realize its solid advice. I am the group leader for divorced dads in my town. usually get a turnout of around 50 people every month. The one coming up on friday I should get 75
/r/Divorce_Men28/02/24 07:47 PM
2

. "At 26, the dating scene feels challenging." you are young. yes its challenging at that age. its probably the worst actually. supposedly it gets easier as you go into 30s and 40s. Some guy posted recently how he is 52 , short, fat, and bald and has dates lined up most days of the week. I do think he is full of it though. oh forgot to add that he is broke and lives with mom, and has some serious medical condition
/r/Divorce_Men28/02/24 07:10 PM
3

Karma will hit her. It may take a decade or so but it will come around. I can almost guarantee you she will get cheated on. it happened to my ex GF. she cheated on me. I break up with her. She finds a new guy and a few months later he cheats on her. I don't how you can fall in love again. You have to be vulnerable but first have to heal. It is possible, but its going to take work
/r/Divorce_Men28/02/24 07:08 PM
2

same in a way. it was not my ex wife but my ex GF after the divorce. cheating changes everything the way you perceive that person. it was disgusting I found out she slept with me and her ex BF all within 48 HOURS!!!
/r/Divorce_Men28/02/24 07:01 PM
4

I think its common to lose sex drive after a breakup or divorce. I had the same issues but it only lasted a few months. usually come back stronger and better after the little break lol
/r/Divorce_Men28/02/24 07:00 PM
0

damn I could have written this. I like #15 and #17. #5 most women will do that shit. no matter how great you are. you can do better. eff that.
/r/Divorce_Men28/02/24 06:57 PM
3

the guilt will eat her up as time goes on. 1 year old . just wow. sadly the kid will never be the same without a father figure cuz most likely its going to be 50/50 custody. Focus on the kid. Try your best to forget about your ex wife (easier said than done)
/r/Divorce_Men28/02/24 06:55 PM
4

this! for me the anger is very short lived. maybe a few mins a day. the sadness stage can last several days. its more like sadness and anger that the POS ex destroyed our family unit and I see my kids a handful of days a month.
/r/Divorce_Men28/02/24 06:52 PM
8

like many said on here. it is NOT linear. the sadness fades but never goes away.
/r/Divorce_Men28/02/24 06:50 PM
7

haha I like the part of how not as good looking in her 40s compared to 20s. I can say the same about my ex wife! I am late 30s and worked on fitness and a better diet. lost a lot of weight after my divorce. get so many complients from men and women -some strangers some friends.
/r/Divorce_Men28/02/24 06:48 PM
5

great last paragraph! and congrats on the fitness goals! you are doing great! find a woman who prioritizes you after you go through the healing process
/r/Divorce_Men28/02/24 06:47 PM
5

be hopeful . I am sure things will work out! focus on the boys. I would reconsider being friends with ex wife. She had an affair. Stick with texts about the kids only. nothing else
/r/Divorce_Men28/02/24 06:45 PM
2

that is an insane ask. so you might net 20K after tax and she wants 10K. no state in US has 50% alimony. shit my state is like 20% for HALF the length of the marriage. So tell her she gets 4K a month for 12 years and tell her to get lost and hit the road
/r/Divorce_Men22/02/24 11:43 PM
3

how did she get a free lawyer? a friend or family ? men have no resources. we are left figuring out our own shit. if you have to empty your savings account or take a loan that is the sad reality to pay the attorney fees. we are just walking wallets. not exaggerating here either
/r/Divorce_Men22/02/24 11:40 PM
5

you are not done. you WILL get through it. the saying is don't do something permanent for a temporary problem in a few years you will look back and be like damn she was not the greatest wife. and your GF will be much hotter, and better personality. and younger
/r/Divorce_Men22/02/24 11:37 PM
1

times sure have changed my parents never asked me where I want to vacation. they just booked the tickets and hotel and told me a few days in advance . I had ZERO say in the matter. now 20 years later and divorced a few years I have a couple kids and ask them where they want to go, I get a few ideas from them , and make a final decision. you are the parent. you are capable of making decisions
/r/Divorce_Men19/02/24 09:49 PM
2

exactly! when I am on dating apps I purposely show just "okay" pics of me. Always have at least 1 body pic I got nothing to hide 6 foot 180 pound mostly muscle. Many times when I show up to the date or shortly after they say you look a lot better in person than pics online. I rather overdeliver then underdeliver. It works really well.
/r/Divorce_Men16/02/24 02:55 PM
4

" I have all my belongings and clothes in bags on a floor and i sleep in a dinning room on the floor. No actual room for myself, no bed, no furniture, no sense of belonging, nothing." This was me a few years back when I got divorced. Bro I got out of this mess and so can you. It won't take that long maybe 2 years but you have to put the work in and heal. Dating is the last of your concern right now. You are basically in survival mode. On your days off do some activities. Start of with a simple w…
/r/Divorce_Men14/02/24 07:38 PM
2

Congrats on winning this work trip! I say you should go its rare to get an all expense paid trip. Yes its going to suck seeing your coworkers with spouses, and also other couples at the resort BUT its an opportunity for you to meet someone if you want that and make new memories. Who knows you can meet the woman of your dreams or maybe just a ONS
/r/Divorce_Men14/02/24 06:18 PM
1

"She's finding out she's lonely, and that life isn't neccesarily better on her own..." Too bad...so sad. She made the decision to not work on things. Not sure who initiated the separation but she can live with her decision for the rest of her life and has learned a valuable lesson the grass is not greener on the other side.
/r/Divorce_Men14/02/24 05:45 PM
9

you are 31. you can still get women in their 20s. You have nothing to worry about. You can easily find another partner and be remarried (if you want) by 35. That is still young.
/r/Divorce_Men14/02/24 05:26 PM
6

stop worrying about who your ex is dating. you guys are divorced. she can date whoever. I kind of think she should have given you a heads up she is introducing the new guy to your kid, but then again has no obligation to do so. its only been 4 months. take 1-2 years to heal. find yourself another woman once you heal. Then introduce her to your daughter ONLY if things are serious and let's see your ex wife will react.
/r/Divorce_Men14/02/24 05:23 PM
2

Freedom is priceless . great post!
/r/Divorce_Men14/02/24 05:17 PM
3

on average during my marriage (we been divorced a few years now) I probably spent at least $500 on gifts and dinner. Also spent that on every relationship post divorce. Nice to have that money in my pocket this year to do whatever I want with it. enjoy your steak buddy you deserve it
/r/Divorce_Men14/02/24 05:16 PM
3

yeah I can relate. I got 12 months of verbal beat down with a woman I met after my divorce. shattered my self esteem. Regained it all back in a few months through building friendships, and hitting the gym hard. self confidence is back!
/r/Divorce_Men13/02/24 11:00 PM
8

she wants you to stay until June? you move out on your schedule, not hers. If that is in 6 weeks then so be it. she wants to divorce you but now has cold feet about finances? She can figure out her own finances. Tell her to get a job. whatever it may be, do not take her back.
/r/Divorce_Men13/02/24 10:56 PM
4

tell your brother next time you see him ....never take an ex back
/r/Divorce_Men13/02/24 09:38 PM
0

I said in my reply "good for you though your kids will appreciate having you support them" I am sure its a lot of hard work and money.
/r/Divorce_Men13/02/24 08:04 PM
3

I would only do that if I did not have kids. But I have kids with ex wife. It would confuse the shit out the kids why this strange woman is at dinner with us. dating will be drama for sure because of the crap that is out there. My ex wife did not give a shit when I started to date. I am surprised this even happens as why an ex wife would care who their ex husband is dating.
/r/Divorce_Men13/02/24 07:20 PM
4

did she even want custody? its not really a win if she never wanted it in the first place. and man she must have some serious issues for the Judge to not allow her even 50/50 custody given she is the mom to those kids good for you though. your kids will appreciate having you support them. gives your cheating ex wife more time with AP. I bet she won't even show up for visits those few days a month prob too busy with AP
/r/Divorce_Men13/02/24 07:04 PM
5

she is trying to make you jealous. just ignore her and do not react. and why are you making chit chat with her? talk only about kids. preferably by text. if you want to play her game then just find a hot date and bring her by next time you pick up the kids. that will piss her off
/r/Divorce_Men13/02/24 07:02 PM
3

tell her you will go. BUT bring a hot date with you to this dinner. Don't tell ex wife in advance you are bringing this hot date. This will set ex wife straight and teach her a lesson not to mess with you again
/r/Divorce_Men13/02/24 06:56 PM
5

from experience it takes a LOT of first dates to find a half way amazing woman. most of them I just lose interest or consider boring so no second date. And the ones that have 1-5 year old pics on the dating apps and show up 25-50 pounds heavier to the date just infuriates me. It happens at least half the time, and I have considered just getting up and leaving, but I do enjoy eating out at times so I will just finish the meal and never talk or text them again. My guy friend also divorced takes a …
/r/Divorce_Men13/02/24 05:36 PM
3

in my case the serial cheater was not a rebound. I got divorced a few years ago. I got into 4 relationships that were probably rebounds prior to the serial cheater, not to mention a shitload of first dates aside from those relationships. Serial cheater did not come along until year 3 or 4 of my divorce. but yeah it sucks you always hope it works out but most times it does not. I think in all the relationships I have been in over the years only 2 I have done the breaking up.
/r/Divorce_Men13/02/24 05:22 PM
3

11 years?!? that is scary someone can hide their shitty behavior for that long. Damn the most I can go is like 6 months. And all my guy friends say the mask comes off for both men and women between months 6 and 12. sorry to hear that.
/r/Divorce_Men13/02/24 03:25 PM
11

i thought there was a saying like if she keeps accusing you of cheating and keeping tabs on you that SHE IS the one cheating
/r/Divorce_Men12/02/24 11:34 PM
9

if she was happy with the EA partner she wouldn't be trying to make your life miserable. My guess is things are not that great on the other side of the fence. stop doing maintence on her car. She can find a mechanic or her EA partner can do that
/r/Divorce_Men12/02/24 11:32 PM
6

haha. I got stuck in that trap after my divorce a few years ago. Met a woman- younger, hotter, great sex, etc. Turns out she was a serial cheater. Lasted about 1 year. The relationship was lots of ups and downs. I would say 2 years is about the point you can be comfortable with someone else and know them kinda well to maybe think to yourself divorce was the best thing ever
/r/Divorce_Men12/02/24 11:25 PM
6

while your post may be inspirational its not reality for a vast majority of men in their 40s. I have a LOT of divorced guy friends in their 40s (I am late 30s) and they are 1) living slightly above poverty despite a good income because they got financially wrecked in the divorce 2) they cannot seem to get over their ex wife. I am talking about some of these guys been divorced 5 plus years. Not all of us are religious so going on a religious dating app won't help vast majority of men. If a guy ge…
/r/Divorce_Men12/02/24 11:14 PM
13

Its great you wrote this post. I got divorced a few years back. after 1-2 years met an "amazing woman" . Relationship was great for the first 6 months . We lasted about 1 year. She turned out to be a serial cheater. We broke up. There is a lot of crap out there. Best thing is to watch for red flags and walk once you start noticing them.
/r/Divorce_Men12/02/24 10:55 PM
1

don't worry about it.. she is probably doing the same, if not worse. I had an ex GF after my divorce that tried to convince me sexting, kissing, and oral was not cheating. She did these things multiple times. I had enough after a few months and broke up
/r/Divorce_Men12/02/24 10:50 PM
1

craigslist. rent is high most larger metro areas. renting a room in a house where I live is $900 minimum and that is sharing with 2-3 other people. Splitting an apartment with 1 roommate is over $1K. 1 Bed 1 bath apartment starts at 2K a month. I had to do that for a bit until I got my own place. It did not bother me, but the looks I get when I tell dates or potential dates was not good. I was mid 30s at the time. It will def f$ck up dating prospects
/r/Divorce_Men12/02/24 10:44 PM
9

"And my ex is a serial cheater/sexter." I stopped reading after this. DO NOT TAKE HER BACK!!! she will continue to cheat. Trust me I was with a woman after my divorce and she never changed. She actually had the nerve to convince me kissing, sexting, and oral was not cheating. Some people are really f$cked up. We broke up shortly after her affairs were revealed
/r/Divorce_Men12/02/24 10:17 PM
6

are you divorced or just separated? if divorced you should have a custody agreement. If it says no CS then remind her of that fact. as for the texts just ignore her. my ex did the same shit when we first got separated. Saying hurtful crap like the kids really don't want to go with you (among way other hurtful stuff). just ignore. she is looking for you to get upset and respond back. She will eventually pull back her texting. Focus on the kid(s). It depends on what the circumstances of divorce we…
/r/Divorce_Men12/02/24 10:10 PM
1

like the other guy on here said this is assault with deadly weapon. You may not get so lucky next time and get injured badly. Dude she rammed her car into you!!! start wearing a body cam or tell her you cannot be around when you pick up the kids if you have any. I am not sure if you can do anything regarding this most recent assault with the car. Is there video? Witnesses? Ring Doorbell footage? Otherwise its just you said/she said which won't be much evidence in court. Unless you had injuries, …
/r/Divorce_Men10/02/24 05:01 PM
3

2023 taxes are not due for another 2 months in April and you can also extend until mid October. So tell whoever is asking for it to f#ck off. Child support review usually happens when a change in income circumstances that are substantial more than 25 increase or decrease where I live. I don't know why she is asking for a review but my guess is she is unemployed and will continue to be since she is pregnant from the AP. So she will claim little to no income and maybe(?) your CS will go up. But if…
/r/Divorce_Men10/02/24 04:48 PM
6

she did not pick him. she got stuck with him. like 80% of men are beta so she was going for alpha 20% but those are slim pickings. she could not win one over. so she got stuck with this dude. who cares if he is younger. who is in better physical shape and who is more handsome? thats the most important aside from $$$ and height
/r/Divorce_Men09/02/24 10:59 PM
5

crazy how they all wind up with SIMPs post divorce or breakup . About 20 of my guy friends are divorced and the ex wife in most of those cases the best she could get was a SIMP, but a broke SIMP which is even worse
/r/Divorce_Men09/02/24 10:34 PM
3

sorry bro you got served with the papers today. I remember that day as well it was like 5 years ago. She had no desire to work things out so I gave up. I knew the papers were coming and when they did it just hit me its really over. I don't suggest going in this without an attorney. Your kid is at stake here and so are your assets. Can you take a loan out? Can you ask a friend or family member? If its a straightforward divorce it should cost no more than 5K that is how much mine was a few years b…
/r/Divorce_Men09/02/24 10:19 PM
18

They need to f**k off from this sub. They got plenty of other subs they can visit. If I wanted to be gaslighted I would just call up my ex GF.
/r/Divorce_Men09/02/24 10:08 PM
1

and after that month or two their true colors show. everyone is on best behaviors for the first couple months
/r/Divorce_Men09/02/24 08:22 PM
3

good luck even finding half decent lol. I just want 1) be loyal (as in don't cheat) and 2) can communicate/hold a conversation. not too much to ask for, right? You would be surprised what is out there and its not good To even find half decent you have to go on at least 10 first dates and you might get 1 or 2 that are half decent lol
/r/Divorce_Men09/02/24 08:17 PM
2

your path of misery will continue unless you stop comparing yourself to others. Jealousy is poison. Its been 2 years. That was the turning point for me. I have been divorced 5 years. The pain will fade. You have to keep yourself busy and do stuff and you will find things in life you enjoy. Screw those dating apps in fact just delete them for a few months. It is a self esteem killer. An average guy might get one date per month and thats after hundreds of swipes. Focus on you. Work on self esteem.…
/r/Divorce_Men09/02/24 08:03 PM
8

congrats. 2 years in things turned around for me. Its been 5 years since divorce. You are doing great, and a 33 year old at almost 50 is impressive.
/r/Divorce_Men09/02/24 07:54 PM
6

You are quite the opposite of my ex wife. We have been divorced a few years. I am over her. We both have moved on. She did not give a shit about me after the D bomb which she dropped. At least you care. When she threw me out of the house, and I told her I had no where to go but sleep in my car her reply was "Tough, Figure it out". If it was not for my friend letting me stay at his place for a few months until I got my finances straight I would have slept in my car during the winter. We only comm…
/r/Divorce_Men09/02/24 07:50 PM
2

yeah in the 10 years I was married my ex wife never went on a "girls trip" That marriage ended for other reasons (not cheating or abuse) It was after the divorce I met this POS woman who thought she was really hot shit and thinks she can treat guys (including myself) like doormats. She was shocked I ended the relationship because all her other EXs put up with her crap. Well yeah if you fucking cheat you will get tossed to the curb. and trust me if I start dating a woman who mentions anything abo…
/r/Divorce_Men07/02/24 11:46 PM
3

we never lived together. Mon to Fri I cook all my dinners unless I was on a date with her. Lunch is leftovers from dinner. I skip breakfast. Weekends it varies. Its all in the past. we broke up. and she always complained how fat she was and how broke she was. That is what happens when you eat out all the time.
/r/Divorce_Men07/02/24 10:35 PM
2

all that means is these women want you to finance these travel adventures. yeah you will get to go on these trips BUT I promise you one thing she will straight up leave your ass right after dinner and come back to the hotel room at 4 AM after doing god knows what. It happened to me bro. She is now an Ex for a reason. and if you ask her to spend the evening with you she will say " I spent the morning and afternoon with you isn't that enough" people are really messed up.
/r/Divorce_Men07/02/24 10:28 PM
4

biggest reasons were her having multiple affairs with numerous guys. oh and the lying, manipulating, staying out until 3AM at least twice a week, girls trips every couple months, and the icing on the cake was when she got drunk and shoved me. oh and one more thing when she told me she is going to visit her cousin in the boonies for 1 week and there is no cell phone coverage and later I found out she was in NYC for that week banging her Ex BF so yeah that is the type of women I attract post divor…
/r/Divorce_Men07/02/24 10:17 PM
7

"all I ask is I go home to a clean house and home cooked meal" that is too much to ask for these days lol. I dated a girl after my divorce and she may have cooked 5 times in the 1 year we were together. Imagine cooking only 5 meals out of about 1,000 meals a year assuming 3 meals a day. It was either restaurants, Uber Eats, Door Dash. No fast food- she was too good for that. Then at the end of the month she would complain there is no money left
/r/Divorce_Men07/02/24 09:58 PM
2

aside from selfish you are a cheap ass. that flight is $300 roundtrip at most if you book 30 days out. why don't you have your doctor GF who makes 400K a year pay for some of it since you are so broke at 80K a year
/r/Divorce_Men07/02/24 08:13 PM
1

Next to my Ex GF you might be the most selfish person ever. You are leaving your kid for some woman and we all know its because she makes 5 times more $$ than you talk about gold digger. Did you ever stop to think that once she starts making that 400K she is going to leave your ass for another guy that makes similar. Why would she settle? How can you live with yourself knowing you make 1/5 salary of your GF. She is going to wear the pants in the relationship that might last 6 months.
/r/Divorce_Men07/02/24 08:09 PM
3

given its been 5 years since the divorce I was in a relationship with a woman (we have since broken up) and the marriage talk came up and she point blank asked me does my ex wife have my last name. I truthfully said no she does not. She would have lost her shit if I said yes she was a very controlling person and quite hostile even for small shit. Although ex GF would show up numerous times to EX wife house telling her to stop blowing up my phone with texts and calls about trivial matters. nothin…
/r/Divorce_Men05/02/24 06:49 PM
3

you may not care and seems like most posters on here do not care. However if you get involved with a woman after your divorce and the marriage talk comes up she is not going to take it well that your EX WIFE has your last name!!! it could possibly be a dealbreaker. they would go over to ex wife house house and make her change it, and if ex wife does not comply it could possibly turn physical between the GF and ex wife. that would be fun to watch
/r/Divorce_Men05/02/24 06:12 PM
2

I know it may suck to get thrown out of the house, but I think you said the lease was under her name. Its better this way anyways and I say this because you don't want the constant reminders of her by living under the same roof. plus the worst part is she may bring other guys home so why deal with that. in a month or so the weather will warm up so sleeping in your truck won't be so bad. but in the meantime find a short term rental if you can afford it. and best thing to do is ignore the FIL or M…
/r/Divorce_Men05/02/24 06:06 PM
1

this is what happens when you date to soon. has it even been 1 year? anyways, all my relationships post divorce (5 years) I have never said my ex wife name or the person I am having sex with has never said their ex name BUT just during conversations yes I am guilty of saying my ex wife name and many instances the person I am dating said their ex name but that was just in conversations, not sex. 2 very different things. if the girl I am banging says her ex's name I would consider breaking up and …
/r/Divorce_Men05/02/24 05:52 PM
2

late 30s here. 42 is not old. a few examples of guy friends I know: 44 year old dating a 23 year old -43 year old dating a 32 year old I have met both women. much hotter than their ex wives. point is men get better with age. BUT there is cap. maybe 50? if you are in really good shape
/r/Divorce_Men01/02/24 11:07 PM
7

good plan get your head straight. even if it takes a few months. I would seriously consider no contact. She made a decision to leave you. Now she does not have the privilege of contacting you or trying to be friends. tell her if she wants to be friends you got plenty of friends. and dont need her friendship
/r/Divorce_Men01/02/24 11:03 PM
6

the first and second breakups after divorce is tough. i have been through 4 breakups post divorce. you need to stop chasing her and convincing her telling her she won't find this type of love again because its verging on manipulative behavior. you won't be alone forever, more will come along just give it a few months. and next time no need to move so fast 14 months meeting family, kids, taking trips to bali, thats a lot in just over 1 year she probably was like wtf slow down this is moving too f…
/r/Divorce_Men01/02/24 10:55 PM
1

can't say from experience but Miami seems to be the place heard this from at least 10 guy friends. so give it a shot lol
/r/Divorce_Men31/01/24 10:56 PM
5

she is not coming back. reconciliation is rare stop chasing her. it will only push her away more get a gym membership. heal for 1-2 years. find another woman.
/r/Divorce_Men31/01/24 09:10 PM
6

easy access? these are decent numbers but nothing impressive or off the charts. he is essentially sleeping with a different woman every 3 months. that is not really hard to achieve as long as you are 6 foot tall, handsome, decent physique. money and personality does not matter these are just flings
/r/Divorce_Men31/01/24 09:04 PM
3

I can relate. ex wife did not cheat but ex GF post divorce cheated many times and it destroyed me. I am working on self esteem issues still several months post breakup. trust is going to be a tough one. the constant worry about her whereabouts is lots of anxiety. so will opening up and being vulnerable. might consider chilling out on the dating scene until you work on self esteem and trust issues. just a thought
/r/Divorce_Men31/01/24 09:00 PM
3

she cannot just stick you with a bill for several thousand dollars for some expensive activity or hobby. yeah you will pay CS and maybe health care ins and child care (even those 2 are usually split). just remember after your youngest turns 18 you are off the hook and do whatever you want
/r/Divorce_Men31/01/24 08:41 PM
3

this a million times. I said the same thing in different words lol. He is going to get punished by the court system very harshly. multiple kids plus he is the breadwinner. easily 60% of take home pay is going straight to ex wife in the form of alimony and CS. I want to see how friendly he will be then to her once he is eating rice and beans in his RV. and yes he will become an ATM machine until the youngest turns 18. The laws are ruthless in the US for breadwinners they get taken to to cleaners
/r/Divorce_Men31/01/24 08:34 PM
4

I went through a divorce 5 years ago. no cheating or abuse. I think your vision is a fantasy. Who wants to be friend with their ex wife? Who wants to live within walking distance of their Ex wife? I get you have kids (so do I) but we keep it at a co parenting relationship. mostly texts only about kids. and do you think for a second that your next GF is going to be okay with you being so close to your ex wife? She is not going to tolerate that relationship and its going to become the pick me danc…
/r/Divorce_Men31/01/24 08:24 PM
2

been divorced for 5 years. had about 4 relationships since. one was serious we talked about marriage but she was a serial cheater and that relationship ended anyways, its a numbers game. You will probably have to go on 20-30 first dates before 1 is even worth considering settling into a relationship with meaning not a fling. as for hopeful thoughts its comes with time maybe a year or two post divorce. most women are hesitant to date guys within 1 year of a divorce. 11 flings in 3 years is decent…
/r/Divorce_Men31/01/24 08:17 PM
2

She’s had copious amounts of random D since you split this a million times. I really hope he does not take her back.
/r/Divorce_Men17/01/24 08:15 PM
12

please whatever you do don't take her back. she has def slept with one guy (her husband) but I am willing to bet its probably closer to 10 if she is a cheater or there was time in between when she left you and met the new husband. don't be a second option. she realized the grass is not greener. now she comes running back to you. tell her to go find someone else to bother
/r/Divorce_Men17/01/24 08:13 PM
3

very well said! and 15K lol most attorneys ask for 5K retainers. and shit I have spent more than that on vacations and travel post divorce.
/r/Divorce_Men12/01/24 07:19 PM
11

same situation . I see ex wife a few times a year since we have kids. she has aged a lot and has health issues. I feel sad however I just remind myself she is the one that left me and she wanted this divorce. so yes serves her right but still sad to see
/r/Divorce_Men12/01/24 07:11 PM
3

well this should be on huge billboards because I know lots of guys that get walked all over during their marriages and dating after divorce. but hey we all learn the hard way and realize no guy should have to put up with disrespect and cheaters and liars , etc
/r/Divorce_Men12/01/24 07:07 PM
2

your situation is a minority. most of what is in real life and what you read on this sub reddit is the following: wife cheats on husband. husband thought everything was great, and instead is blindsided. wife leaves husband for AP ex husband sees kids a few times a month, and pays half his salary in child support. ex husband lives with 4 middle eastern dudes sharing a 5 bedroom single family home because he cannot afford his own place due to reason #2 above. so anyways great for you, but your sit…
/r/Divorce_Men24/05/23 08:35 PM
1

for the most part you are right . its not always the man that gets screwed in a divorce. its usually the high income earner and the SAHM or SAHD reaps all the financial benefits.
/r/Divorce_Men24/05/23 05:58 PM
1

" And knowing how she works, the next time she sees him she’s going to fuck him." she probably already has but not telling you. If she has not she definitely will this weekend its a 3 day weekend. Women move fast bro so either you play the game of one upping her or chill and go work on yourself like hitting the gym, eating healthy, stop drinking or drugs, and make new friends. My suggestion is to only communicate with her regarding the 4 kids. otherwise, let her live her shitty life.
/r/Divorce_Men24/05/23 05:54 PM
18

stress will do some crazy shit to your mental and physical well being. I know it may make you feel better compared to her looking hot and losing weight, but in reality just focus on you. probably best to stop checking her social media. my ex wife dropped a lot of weight and looked younger right when we separated. now 3 years later she gained it all back, has severe medical problems, and looks 5 years older. again focus on you.
/r/Divorce_Men24/05/23 05:41 PM
1

as a person who has been divorced for 2 years getting into a serious relationship so soon is not a great idea. I dated a lot right after the divorce, huge mistake I was not in the right mindset. Took a year or so off from dating, and someone came along and we have been together for almost a year. The relationship I am in now its just an emotional roller-coaster. We both have trust and insecurity issues from our past relationships in my case marriage. We fight a lot, and I have been thinking of b…
/r/Divorce_Men24/05/23 05:36 PM
1

2 kids not 1
/r/Divorce_Men03/05/23 03:00 PM
2

for NYC that sounds right. I am in a big city a few hours south of you, and the prices are the same. However, when I got divorced 2 years ago both me and my ex got attorney's at a flat fee. Hers was about 3K, mine was about 4K. I don't know NY rules but where I live if one spouse has little to no income, the higher earner has to pay the legal fees of the deadbeat. So yeah I paid 7K for our attorneys which almost half was her part. Its a fucked up system, but happy its over 2 years later met a gr…
/r/Divorce_Men03/05/23 02:55 PM
3

gas, hotel(?), food, drinks, ice cream, all that adds up real quick. An average hotel is easily $75 a night. They will appreciate you coming out and seeing them and know how far you are traveling. hopefully you can get in a situation where you drive less and the visits are not so expensive. I remember when I was a month in. Its been close to 3 years since. I was completely broke yet still spent a lot of money driving, lodging, food to see my kids. It was not until I got officially divorced and g…
/r/Divorce_Men02/05/23 08:00 PM
2

very sad. hate to hear stories like this. He probably thought he could push through for maybe 10 years but sadly never made it...
/r/Divorce_Men02/05/23 07:43 PM
1

I hope your friend makes it for 15 years. My situation is no where near as bad, but I still have a few years left until my youngest hits 18. I am going to have a huge party with me, myself, and I lol. That will free up close to$3,000 of child expenses I pay a month
/r/Divorce_Men02/05/23 07:30 PM
20

marriage counseling is way overrated. It will only work if BOTH husband and wife want to work on saving the marriage. If one person is checked out emotionally just save your money for the attorneys
/r/Divorce_Men02/05/23 07:18 PM
14

that is a long time 22 years and I feel for you bro. You are one of the 20% of men who file for divorce and great that you stood up and did not take her BS of cheating. Yes, 80% of women file for divorce in US. Be proud of yourself that you are not a doormat. 46 is not young but far from old. You can start a new chapter in your life still. Keep hitting that gym and put yourself out there and one day a woman will come along that will actually respect you.
/r/Divorce_Men02/05/23 07:15 PM
5

". As they drove away, he put his little hand up to the window for me to touch as they left... I never felt such a pain in my chest before. My children are telling me that they need and want me..." damn I almost cried reading that part. My son did something similar a couple years back (we been divorced 2 years) and I still think of that moment. Its rough bro I was there a couple years ago. keep being a good dad. I see my kids only on the weekends and they live 2 hours away. be there for your kid…
/r/Divorce_Men02/05/23 07:11 PM
2

I like your last sentence lol
/r/Divorce_Men01/05/23 03:27 PM
2

been divorced 2 years. was separated 1 year before that. She started dating after we separated, and I played the pick me dance and lost. She actually married the guy. They live in a crappy part of town, and are completely broke. Ex hits me up for cash all the time, and I nicely tell her NO!!! Meanwhile, I live in one of the most affluent suburbs dating a wonderful woman several years younger than me and have a great job. Interesting how life turns out lol
/r/Divorce_Men27/04/23 09:20 PM
1

I got divorced 2 years ago. I am a bit younger than you. I hate to say this but a big deal breaker for many women that have never been married or have kids is the person they are dating has kids and especially you at 50/50 custody. You might only be available to date 15 days a month. Unless you introduce her to the kids right away, she is going to have to be okay with not seeing you for several days at a time. My ex GF was dating a guy before me and he had 50/50 custody and she wanted it to work…
/r/Divorce_Men27/04/23 09:11 PM
3

she is talking to another guy. enough said. Don't play the pick me dance. She wants the shiny new toy. Its a game you won't win. That relationship won't last 6 months. You got the house and kids. Most dads lose the house and see the kids on weekends. you are one of the lucky .
/r/Divorce_Men27/04/23 08:48 PM
3

how did she manipulate you into being poly? Unless she said its ok for you to go sleep with other women? I would have walked the minute she brought up poly. I am sorry bro but this is going to take years to recover. You dodged a bullet, 10 years marriage in many states is 5 years alimony. Most states 5 years or less is no alimony.
/r/Divorce_Men27/04/23 08:46 PM
1

same here huge difference in incomes. 16 months old - hope you and ex are amicable you have to deal with her for almost 17 years.
/r/Divorce_Men26/04/23 05:11 PM
10

great post OP. I have been divorced 2 years. In my late 30s. The amount of single moms that are jaded and bitter is more than 50 percent of the 30 something women out there in my dating experience. They have this huge sense of entitlement, and you are supposed to accept that one date night a week, a few texts a week, a few calls a week is acceptable. You will never be a priority dating a single mom. Then you got the 30 somethings (no kids never married) lookin for the top 10% guy. The top 10% gu…
/r/Divorce_Men26/04/23 04:32 PM
1

25% of net paycheck for 2 kids. My only deductions are fed and state taxes. My company pays for my health care. I pay for my kids health care, so factoring that in probably closer to 28% of my net. Plus I have the kids 8 days a month so those expenses as well. No alimony. She requested it but never got it. If I had to pay that plus child support and taxes I would be working for 20 cents on the dollar. Guess my life could have been a lot worse, but still watching every penny I spend is stressful.…
/r/Divorce_Men26/04/23 04:20 PM
1

thanks for the encouragement.
/r/Divorce_Men26/04/23 04:14 PM
2

no one gives a shit about single dads. We are just supposed to suck it up. Most people think divorced guys live this great bachelor life dating multiple women and traveling the world. Good luck doing that when you are living paycheck to paycheck. How many kids do you have? 20% hurts.
/r/Divorce_Men26/04/23 04:14 PM
1

I feel like an ATM machine post divorce. I was one of the luckier men who did not get hit with Alimony and most of my assets remained with me. The Child Support is a huge expense and I see my kids 8 days a month. Plus there are expenses when I have the kids too. If I don't date, travel, go out, spend money on clothes I am okay financially. The part I have a huge problem with is am I suppose to put my life on hold until my oldest hits 18 which is a few years from now? Despite the divorce I want t…
/r/Divorce_Men26/04/23 04:11 PM
5

there was no alimony to begin with. I cannot do 50/50 custody. I work 60 hours a week and requires client office visits. yeah you are right I should evaluate on getting a better career.
/r/Divorce_Men24/04/23 10:51 PM
5

just follow the advice of your attorney. you are at an advantage since she has no attorney. You may want to add some language in your divorce agreement about how the son's college tuition will be paid if he goes to college since CS ends at 21 in your state. 4 years alimony on a 20 year marriage is not bad. See if she takes a lump sum, at a huge discount. For example if you were to pay her 100K over 4 years, see if she will take 60K upfront. She may be desperate for cash.
/r/Divorce_Men24/04/23 07:41 PM
4

its 8 nights a month. It is a large room almost 300 sq feet. extra beds are the solution. we are rarely at home except to sleep. The days are spent with hours at the park or library. If we are at home and not sleeping, its a few hours of TV or movies using Netflix at $9.99 a month. That would be cut too except I need to have it for my kids.
/r/Divorce_Men24/04/23 07:27 PM
8

I was married to someone similar to your ex wife. We divorced 2 years ago. These people have a sense of entitlement. If you offered 100% of your paycheck and all the assets that still would not be enough, and she would tell you to "find a second job" to hand over that paycheck too. Worst case she gets 25% of your paycheck in CS, about 20% in Alimony, and half the assets. All states are different though. Alimony terms vary based on length of marriage.. 20 years in some states is permanent alimony…
/r/Divorce_Men24/04/23 06:53 PM
1

she can get the house if 2 things happen she buys you out half the equity she has the financial resources to refinance and get approved for a loan and be able to afford the payments. Either way you get your half whether it be by selling the house or her buying you out. Unless she is making real good money she won't be able to afford the house. Interest rates are almost 7 percent. I have heard of people giving up the house and the equity in exchange for something like not paying alimony, or givin…
/r/Divorce_Men11/04/23 11:19 PM
2

my ex wife had no income for many years. We got divorced 2 years ago, and were separated for 18 months before that. I paid every single bill, and we were physically separated. I did this for 18 months until the divorce was final. I feel your financial stress. I had to call the banks for loans to get deferred. The banks agreed and deferred for a few months saving me around 1K a month. If it was not for the credit cards I would be screwed. I was bleeding cash and going into debt, think in terms of…
/r/Divorce_Men11/04/23 11:10 PM
3

she sounds checked out. no matter what you do to win her back it won't work. I was in your shoes 3 years ago. No matter what I did, it was not good enough. Shitty way to live. You will in time find someone who appreciates what you contribute. And if you made mistakes learn from them and don't make them with your next partner.
/r/Divorce_Men11/04/23 10:58 PM
7

other things to add: journalize it helps with your thoughts even if you do it twice a week. do NOT chase you STBXW she is checked out. She thought about this for months if not a couple years. Chasing her will just push her away. Do NOT date. First of all you are not in right mindset. Second of all very few women will date a separated guy. Give it SIX months at least after the divorce is final maybe even one year before you start to date. Also as noted by the OP cannot say this enough do NOT drin…
/r/Divorce_Men31/03/23 10:43 PM
5

your post is a rare exception. Did you initiate divorce? most guys got dumped, money is tight, dating prospects are shit, and see there kids only on weekends. good for you though.
/r/Divorce_Men23/03/23 05:34 PM
2

yeah they need that otherwise they will walk all over you. my current GF was playing all sorts of games and I threatened to break up with her if she does not change her ways. It was not until then she finally changed her behavior. She said her EXs would let her get away with anything, and I explained to her its not going to work with me. I am not asshole either BUT I have self respect. Lol marriage is a shit deal for sure for men. Things did work out somehow I actually have a bit of money left o…
/r/Divorce_Men18/03/23 04:07 PM
9

great to hear life is treating you well post divorce. I have my ups and downs still. but more than downs 2 years ago when we got divorced. yeah our tolerance for BS in dating goes way down after divorce. I have no hesitations letting women know I am dissatisfied with whatever they are doing and to fix it or its over. definitely had to break up with a couple of them for all their crappy games they played.
/r/Divorce_Men17/03/23 07:14 PM
2

we also do 2 separate birthday parties. no way I am celebrating my kid's party with ex wife and we have been divorced 2 years. I liked your last paragraph I can definitely relate . The only thing of value she gave me was 2 wonderful kids we had together.
/r/Divorce_Men14/03/23 05:29 PM
3

this is not uncommon for women in their 30s even. I dated and eventually we were BF/GF and she later admitted she had Tinder and Bumble accounts. I too gave her an ultimatum, and she chose the dark side, and I broke up with her. Good for you standing your ground , and breaking up with her. She is choosing to keep the door open and keep her options open. Do NOT be anyone's option.
/r/Divorce_Men14/03/23 04:46 PM
4

It only maters in the end if you decide to marry her. Read the reply from the guy with a million sources saying it leads to infidelity, divorce, etc. I don't know how old your ex is but 6 or 7 is fine if she is in her 30s. Not so much if early 20s. 6-10 sexual partners seems to be the most common number I hear from women I date (which are mid to late 30s), then in a drunkin stupor or when we get serious that number shoots to like 20-30. No you are not being unreasonable. don't get over it. don't…
/r/Divorce_Men14/03/23 04:20 PM
2

" you would think with that kind of experience at least she would be the best I’d ever had. Nope. Dead fish. Just laid there most of the time." 90% of the women I have slept with are dead fish lol. I am shocked at the amount of lazy women in the bedroom in their 30s. It is not like their old or have physical limitations either.
/r/Divorce_Men14/03/23 04:13 PM
5

She’s never yours, it’s just your turn very true.
/r/Divorce_Men14/03/23 04:03 PM
3

look bro whatever a woman tells you her body count is multiply it by 3. She if she says 10 guys it means she has banged 30 guys Women don't include in their body count: -one night stands - oral sex - FWB -relationships lasting less than 3 months. So basically they are only counting body count with guys they have been in LTRs with (3 months or more) Any woman over 35 years old with a body count over 20, I definitely would not marry and would seriously consider if I should even sleep with her even…
/r/Divorce_Men14/03/23 03:53 PM
1

I have been divorced for 2 years and can relate to many of your points except for being close to retirement given I am in my late 30s. I don't think there is any way to protect yourself financially unless there is a prenup which I hear do not hold up in court at times. You could try keeping finances and assets separate but many women would have issues with that UNLESS they make as much or more than you. I have dated some women that make more than me but not by much. I still have to coparent with…
/r/Divorce_Men09/03/23 12:10 AM
1

not married yet to the GF. will have a better idea next time this year. I have heard of the stats 70% divorce rate on second marriage. It would be her first marriage, and tells me she is going into it not thinking or wanting to divorce. Of course, people's mind changes and grow apart so who knows. At least I have been through the hell called divorce so if it happens again I will be prepared. Although I think we plan on keeping finances and assets separate
/r/Divorce_Men07/03/23 05:11 PM
2

my ex wife we have been divorced 2 years now tried this same BS. told me I would get supervised visits 3 hours one Saturday per month. I got every weekend unsupervised which is what I wanted given my work schedule. We settled out of court once her attorney told her she had no chance in front of a Judge. Please stop talking about money in front of the kids. Is $10 milkshakes and $5 cookies going to bankrupt you? No kid wants to hear about money problems. So you can do lots of free activities with…
/r/Divorce_Men06/03/23 11:45 PM
1

CS should end once your youngest turns 18. I don't know about the pension stuff. You sound kind of bitter. I got divorced 2 years ago and sounded like this. Take a couple years off dating and work on yourself (gym and emotionally) and a great woman will come along. It happened to me recently. Also your first sentence is not completely true. When I married my now ex wife she made about 10K less than me, and fast forward 15 years my GF make about 15K more than me. We are not talking about a lot of…
/r/Divorce_Men06/03/23 08:42 PM
3

nights and weekends that I did not have my kids were the worst. I am 2 years divorced. You either just have to get used to it, or make some friends or hit the gym. People will say take hobbies and I did , but it was just depressing doing stuff alone. So I gave up on hobbies. Mostly hit the gym and cooking healthier meals, and taking walks or small trips on the weekends. Did this for 2 years and found a great GF and now my schedule is packed just with work, kids on weekends, and time spent with G…
/r/Divorce_Men06/03/23 08:12 PM
4

she is keeping you around as an option in case the relationship with the AP fails. Please file for divorce, and do not return any intimacy to her. Act like she is a roommate. Do not tell her I love you, kiss her, or have sex with her. Take a year or two to heal and find someone better.
/r/Divorce_Men02/03/23 09:24 PM
1

you have to be leaving something out? Judges nowadays are more open to granting 50/50 custody to fathers. I know a guy who got multiple DUIs, basically an alcoholic, ex wife had so much dirt on him and he STILL got 50/50 custody of the 2 kids. Welcome to the shittiest club on earth. I went through the same a few months back my kids now call the new guy "Dad"
/r/Divorce_Men09/11/21 11:17 PM
1

Our circumstances are very different but not in a bad way. Hobbies- I tried a lot of them, most of them feel forced like I am just trying to pass time. I did not enjoy a lot of them. Some of them were tolerable, but I had to do MANY of them alone. Then the depression would kick in. I would think "wow this would be kinda fun if I had my EX or another women accompany me on this hobby" I finally found something I liked: Gym and cooking healthy. I can do that alone without any issues. Decorating you…
/r/Divorce_Men24/09/21 08:09 PM
1

how did you get to a place to "enjoy being alone"? I cannot stand it but maybe because my divorce is so new (final a few months ago). I rather go on bad 1st dates than sit alone at home. I know it is sad. I think I just like the company of others too much.
/r/Divorce_Men24/09/21 06:47 PM
2

very true. the pain goes away for the couple hours you drink. It all comes back the next day. Then the cycle continues. For some the best is just to give up alcohol altogether until your in a better place like over the divorce or separation.
/r/Divorce_Men24/09/21 06:24 PM
2

on many message boards people mention take up new hobbies or get back into old ones. I tried that post separation and divorce. To me it felt forced like I was doing it to pass time. I did not really enjoy them. What made it more depressing was either doing these hobbies alone or with people I did not want to really hang out with. The hobbies for me made it depressing. I kept thinking I wish my ex was with me doing these hobbies. This was months ago. I finally came to the point where I figured ou…
/r/Divorce_Men24/09/21 06:19 PM
1

she physically abused you AND verbally. Get out of this mess.
/r/Divorce_Men25/08/21 10:55 PM
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