Three years ago I had an emotional affair that lasted a month, we knew each other from childhood and it was just a lot of texting… Anyway my wife had a feeling so she went snooping around and found all of the texts. That led to her finding out that I had a significant credit card balance I didn't tell her about. Between both betrayals it was pretty ugly. The biggest mistake of my life is that I wasn't 100% honest about exactly what was said in those texts and the extent of the financial secrecy until about a year and a half ago.

We have both been in therapy since then, but never really been better. Sometimes things are good for a couple of months but there's a trigger and things get completely derailed for weeks or months.

The biggest issue I have is that she is emotionally and verbally abusive to me. She feels entitled to be like that, she said it's her pain, but in my opinion it's not. It's a lot, from telling me that my son needed a man to raise him and that I'm a pussy and a coward, to blaming me for mental health issues with our kids. She told me many times that marrying me was the biggest mistake of her life, and that I would be happier with someone less assertive.

I confided in my therapist today, really telling him some of the things that she has told me over the last couple of months and he told me it is extreme. It's not necessary.

Later today, my wife confronted me about something dumb and I was initially defensive and it started the cycle over again, except this time she told me she plans to leave me after Christmas. I don't know if she knows, but in the back of my mind I've been becoming much more comfortable with the idea of divorce. I haven't been happy in three years… There's always this cloud hanging over me, wondering when I'm gonna be berated or verbally assaulted. I was in so much emotional pain a few months ago I told my therapist "I don't care what it costs, it'll be worth it".

So my question to the Reddit community is where do I start? What can I expect? I have two children that are under 18, I make a very good living ($400k), an average mortgage, the credit cards are all paid off, and my wife does not work. Married over 20 years. I know it's going to be financially eye-watering, but if anyone can chime in I would appreciate it.

I'm pretty sure I suffer from nice guys syndrome, if anyone is familiar with that they'll know what I mean. I looked back and I see the reason for my affair, I felt trapped, I didn't feel like I could be myself with my wife. That I was yearning for someone to see me for who I am. I'm still learning to be myself, and for the first time in my life set boundaries.

Thanks!