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bluephotoshop Archive

View 0 posts and 615 comments by bluephotoshop on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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2

So who is that lawyer representing? You or her?
/r/Divorce_Men28/07/26 11:49 PM
1

What’s more important for you at this point is ensuring you have equal custody of your children, with adequate medical coverage and financial resources to survive. Put reconciliation on the back burner. Have you consulted with lawyers? You have a lawyer to fight for you, right?
/r/Divorce_Men26/07/26 08:35 AM
0

I can’t answer most of your questions. In general she’s entitled to half the marital assets and marital debts, more or less, but you may be able to buy her share of the business out with assets of similar value. I believe she is entitled to just half of business value acquired since your marriage. You may need a specialized accountant. When my ex and I divorced in Texas, I was threatened with being required to pay for her lawyer. Better consult with your own lawyer or else fire him. Try reaching…
/r/Divorce_Men26/07/26 12:00 AM
4

You might put her stuff in a storage unit and notify her lawyer. If she doesn’t have a lawyer, there are other ways to notify her.
/r/Divorce_Men16/07/26 06:57 PM
3

Ensure your stbx gets half the marital debts. That could give you some financial relief.
/r/Divorce_Men15/07/26 04:54 PM
1

The person who files first has the satisfaction of expressing his/her dislike of the other. It is literally an expression of cruelty.
/r/Divorce_Men15/07/26 01:52 PM
2

You make a reasonable point that the other should maintain life insurance as well. I didn’t think of that during my divorce 30 years ago. It still isn’t a standard, I think.
/r/Divorce_Men14/07/26 08:39 PM
1

Next time, back up important data elsewhere. You have my sympathy.
/r/Divorce_Men14/07/26 04:52 PM
1

In that case, you divorce and ensure you get 50/50 custody. I think you should consult a lawyer NOW to understand your options.
/r/Divorce_Men14/07/26 10:34 AM
2

I hope that, as your younger children age into their teens, they will vote for you with their feet… Best of luck!
/r/Divorce_Men10/07/26 11:21 AM
2

Have you agreed on custody arrangement? That is critical for the child. You are by default entitled to 50-50 sharing.
/r/Divorce_Men09/07/26 10:42 PM
1

She may be building a case supporting aggression on your part.
/r/Divorce_Men09/07/26 01:38 AM
5

Were the household furnishings acquired while you were married? If so, half of them are yours. Negotiate.
/r/Divorce_Men05/07/26 09:59 PM
1

Does your ex make significantly more money than you, and you share custody? Consider demanding child support.
/r/Divorce_Men05/07/26 05:55 PM
2

I let my ex take some of the big stuff like the washer and dryer. They were several years old and rusty anyway. Not worth fighting over.
/r/Divorce_Men01/07/26 03:47 PM
3

Lawyer up first.
/r/Divorce_Men29/06/26 01:14 AM
3

You’ve got it wrong. She’s the one to move out. The residence is half yours.
/r/Divorce_Men24/06/26 11:53 PM
1

You should have stayed, and instructed her to move out. Too late now.
/r/Divorce_Men24/06/26 07:39 PM
2

If you go near-broke after buying her out, chances are you’ll bring in enough future earnings. to get by.
/r/Divorce_Men24/06/26 02:04 AM
2

If you have a garage….
/r/Divorce_Men24/06/26 01:57 AM
6

Sure. Take full custody of the kids. Use the funds from selling the house and car to buy a great place for you and your children.
/r/Divorce_Men23/06/26 03:02 AM
15

She cannot do whatever she wants, which in this case effectively ends your custody sharing. You do share custody, right? Better talk to your lawyer and prepare to implement restrictions on your ex.
/r/Divorce_Men21/06/26 11:09 PM
1

There are nuances, I found. Unless you co-sign the loans, live in a designated community property state, or reside in a jurisdiction with specific property laws upon divorce, the debt remains the sole responsibility of the borrower. So it depends.
/r/Divorce_Men21/06/26 01:27 PM
3

You aren’t responsible for her student loans. They are hers alone. More advice? Don’t accept the responsibility for her choice to divorce. In general, the fallout from it should be on her. Let that be your guide. Sell the house, pay off the mortgage, divide any equity. If she wants you to take care of your kids as well as her, insist you live relatively close to enable shared custody. That should be included in the final decree.
/r/Divorce_Men21/06/26 01:48 AM
6

Record her angry /aggressive rants. Don’t tell her. Use the recordings in court if you need to. Ensure you share custody of your children.
/r/Divorce_Men19/06/26 10:16 PM
1

My astute lawyer inserted a clause restricting her to the three contiguous counties. If she moved away, she would be required to pay our child’s transportation for custody sharing.
/r/Divorce_Men19/06/26 06:35 PM
3

Not sure if debt acquired after filing divorce can appropriately be split with another spouse.
/r/Divorce_Men19/06/26 11:45 AM
5

You’re acting like a wimp. Don’t pay her bills until you get one of those dogs. Then file for divorce.
/r/Divorce_Men18/06/26 03:15 AM
4

Most critical part: hire a lawyer to ensure your custody rights.
/r/Divorce_Men14/06/26 04:31 PM
5

Change the locks ASAP. Get your money out of any shared accounts. And don’t fall on your sword.
/r/Divorce_Men13/06/26 04:43 PM
2

It was not a good idea to share the same lawyer, particularly if she paid. But it appears no harm was done.
/r/Divorce_Men12/06/26 07:05 PM
2

I am unsure how this works in your country, but in the US the default is the marital home is jointly owned. Even if one person pays all the house cost, each person is entitled to 50 percent of any equity. About that 4600 Euro…was it in the form of a check? If so, were both your names on it?
/r/Divorce_Men12/06/26 01:33 AM
2

You have my sympathy. At age 24, you’re not likely to be obligated all that much financially.
/r/Divorce_Men10/06/26 11:37 AM
1

Your dad gave you a 10/22? What is a 10/22? It’s not clear.
/r/Divorce_Men10/06/26 03:14 AM
1

What’s a 10/22? Never heard of such.thing.
/r/Divorce_Men09/06/26 11:48 AM
3

Divorce is expensive, but it’s worth it. If your stbx has much more money than you, you can try asking the court to make her pay your legal fees. Or try credit cards.
/r/Divorce_Men08/06/26 04:24 PM
3

The answer is to take her back to court. Make her required to pay your lawyer fees.
/r/Divorce_Men06/06/26 06:21 PM
2

It’s my understanding that she must pay the marital debts assigned to her in the divorce agreement, BUT you are still liable if she doesn’t pay. Federal school loans are the exception.
/r/Divorce_Men06/06/26 05:06 PM
1

Walk or run to a nearby police station and report this violence. Get it on record.
/r/Divorce_Men04/06/26 12:33 PM
1

It’s your choice. I have the impression you’re bending over for her though. I wish you well.
/r/Divorce_Men04/06/26 01:37 AM
2

“The paperwork is filled out” is a meaningless claim until both of you agree to it and sign it. Your lawyers can go through multiple iterations through negotiation. You should have your custodial rights documented in the final draft of that paperwork.
/r/Divorce_Men03/06/26 08:02 PM
1

You’re half owner of that business. Are you just going to give it to her? The house too? Demand half the equity. Stop that grunt work. You can usually get free lawyer consults. Listen to what they tell you. If she has all the money, you can force her to cover your lawyer fees. Oh yeah. Don’t move out. Stay there until your new lawyer says you have to.
/r/Divorce_Men03/06/26 10:32 AM
5

You’re doing it right.
/r/Divorce_Men28/05/26 07:22 PM
9

We divorced in 1996. Worked hard for 20 years, bought a small house in 1998, put aside 30 percent in a 401k, picked up a Significant Other who now lives with me, retired in 2015 and living well. My son lives in an adjacent county. I’m happy.
/r/Divorce_Men28/05/26 07:14 PM
1

Ensure that same lawyer for both of you is impartial!
/r/Divorce_Men11/05/26 01:05 PM
4

Kick her out of the marital bed. She can sleep in the basement. Don’t put up with “husband moves out” thing.
/r/Divorce_Men10/05/26 10:44 AM
7

I would not help her move. She’s breaking the family up. It can be considered an act of (emotional) violence. Let the cost and physical effort be on her, not you. Take pains to keep the possessions you want. Change the locks right after she’s done. You’re hurting, that’s obvious. Consider going grey rock.
/r/Divorce_Men09/05/26 07:39 PM
3

Alerted? You mean, turned on?
/r/Divorce_Men06/05/26 01:51 AM
4

Get away from that woman as soon as you can.
/r/Divorce_Men04/05/26 02:39 AM
3

“Stand your ground.” Along with that, don’t fall down on your sword in order to help her feel better. It doesn’t work.
/r/Divorce_Men02/05/26 11:33 PM
6

You stay. She doesn’t want to remain married? Then she moves out. Though if you bought the house while you were married, she’s still entitled to half the equity. But YOU need a lawyer ASAP.
/r/Divorce_Men02/05/26 02:18 AM
2

It’s on her to find somewhere to stay. Like that couch. You stay where you are. After all, she wants to separate.
/r/Divorce_Men30/04/26 12:09 PM
1

Stress in court how you are a good father for your son, he’s doing well in school, and this shared custody arrangement has worked well. If she does get the okay to move away, she should make the arrangements and cover the cost to transport your son to maintain the 50/50 agreement.
/r/Divorce_Men30/04/26 03:26 AM
3

Don’t worry about that old bed. It’s probably worn anyway. Buy a new bed and a good mattress, and start new memories that make you smile. But more importantly, do custody sharing! Let her bang her new flame, while you raise your child.
/r/Divorce_Men26/04/26 06:10 PM
12

Let it go. It’s time to live your own life.
/r/Divorce_Men25/04/26 08:49 PM
8

You are not responsible for another’s student loan debt. You cannot be assigned that debt in a divorce. She incurred the debt before marriage anyway. However, If she ever defaults while you are married, the IRS will seize any tax refunds if the returns were filed jointly. So file separately if that default is a possibility. Happened to me.
/r/Divorce_Men24/04/26 03:06 PM
3

I believe a student loan borrower is solely responsible for those loans, though co-signers might bear some responsibility. You can negotiate for half, or for copies of those removed photographs. Consider sneaking out items that you brought into the marriage. Keep in mind that you, with your income, will recoup your financial losses sooner than you might expect. I did in my divorce. I wish you well.
/r/Divorce_Men20/04/26 12:20 PM
2

To tell the truth, you’re looking quite good with this arrangement.
/r/Divorce_Men20/04/26 12:52 AM
1

She seems to be a loser. Your situation is complicated. I have a suggestion. I think your job makes custody sharing tricky. You’ll likely be required to give her child support. You might persuade her to stay near you by offering her a sizable monthly “allowance” that isn’t included a formal divorce agreement. If she insists on moving away, she looses it. Not sure if your lawyer-to-be can make this work.
/r/Divorce_Men20/04/26 12:48 AM
13

Never tell her your plans. She’ll attempt to thwart them.
/r/Divorce_Men19/04/26 02:36 AM
7

Tip: record your kids’ clothing sizes and shoe sizes on your cell phone. Birthdays and friends’ names too. Edit: add their friends’ addresses, parents’ names, and their phone numbers also.
/r/Divorce_Men16/04/26 03:46 PM
2

You should have stayed in that house…and she moved out. After all, she wants to split up.
/r/Divorce_Men15/04/26 12:59 AM
5

You’re opening yourself up to charges of domestic violence.
/r/Divorce_Men14/04/26 11:31 AM
0

Honestly, I wonder why parents these days feel obligated to cover 100 percent of college costs. Either your kids find a way to cover some of it, or just send them to much cheaper two year colleges. I covered over half my 4 year cost.
/r/Divorce_Men13/04/26 02:55 AM
10

You’re doing it right. You may need to get a restraining order in the end.
/r/Divorce_Men12/04/26 02:24 AM
2

Ask your relatives, friends, work buds and neighbors for recommendations. Hell, stop people in a neighborhood park and ask. Ask if the ex had a better lawyer who took their own layer to the mat and won.
/r/Divorce_Men08/04/26 05:50 PM
3

She may be doing the same actions as men do…going “grey rocking.” But you can’t be sure what she thinks. I was upset too when my ex divorced, but I accepted it as a good thing to split up. Stay calm. Find outside interests. Improve yourself.
/r/Divorce_Men07/04/26 09:53 PM
3

If you don’t want to take care of her dogs, give her an ultimatum. Use it to get a compromise from her.
/r/Divorce_Men07/04/26 08:45 PM
1

Lock your phone!
/r/Divorce_Men07/04/26 01:15 AM
1

Both her parents and you should meet with her doctor and describe her behavior. At the same time, find a good lawyer. Get a child support agreement in place ( or at least try to.) At the very least, document her behavior so you have a good argument if you need to go to court.
/r/Divorce_Men05/04/26 10:53 PM
2

Better file separately next time.
/r/Divorce_Men05/04/26 06:36 PM
13

Boot her out. You stay for the kids.
/r/Divorce_Men05/04/26 02:23 AM
1

Any debts you incur during marriage are marital, meaning she is also liable.
/r/Divorce_Men03/04/26 05:25 PM
1

After mediation and before signing, have another attorney examine it for pitfalls. One item to press for: ensure she remains in the local area to facilitate custody exchanges
/r/Divorce_Men02/04/26 01:25 AM
3

AD military, the OP, should file himself and put all that stuff into the proposed decree, and tell her to sign it as agreed. It’s golden! I am sure there are legal resources on base or nearby. He should ask his commanding officer.
/r/Divorce_Men30/03/26 08:28 PM
1

What is a CIS form? Is it specific to a particular state or country?
/r/Divorce_Men30/03/26 05:54 PM
3

Sell the house, pay off any mortgage, then split the equity. Save your half and put it towards a new house or for your retirement.
/r/Divorce_Men29/03/26 11:17 PM
21

Stop doing the pick me dance. And for sure don’t fall down on your sword! Do the divorce thing and ensure you come out smelling like a rose.
/r/Divorce_Men29/03/26 01:06 PM
6

You’re hardcore. She’s hardcore. Look, you must compromise at some point. Don’t be a dick. Ask your son what HE wants. He’s old enough at 14.
/r/Divorce_Men29/03/26 01:02 PM
11

There is the possibility the ex might trash house when she is forced to move out. Put something in place to account for such damage and pay for it in the equity split.
/r/Divorce_Men26/03/26 09:40 PM
1

She’s likely in an affair fog and wants to join up with him as soon as possible. You are in the driver’s seat and have a stronger negotiating position. Use it to your advantage! Push to have her remain in the local area post-divorce to make custody exchanges easier.
/r/Divorce_Men25/03/26 07:17 PM
7

Where is YOUR lawyer in this? What did he do to get temp custody orders in place?
/r/Divorce_Men25/03/26 12:11 PM
2

An apartment. Either on your own or be a roommate. But you can still share custody either way.
/r/Divorce_Men25/03/26 01:40 AM
2

If your UK home was acquired before you married, she has no claim to it. Keep her hands off the rental income in a separate account. I think the rental income is considered marital, so she may have a claim to it. You need a lawyer versed in international divorce. Yes, the house was acquired during marriage, so she has a claim.
/r/Divorce_Men22/03/26 02:54 PM
1

Enjoy! But avoid major expenditures for a while. Instead, build up your savings and retirement accounts. It’s prudent.
/r/Divorce_Men22/03/26 02:38 PM
7

Remove her from all accounts:checking, savings, credit cards. Move your money to another bank or credit union. Consult a lawyer. When she moves out, change the locks on the house. Change door opener codes. when she takes her share of household possessions, be there to monitor it. Hide your valuables. Grey rock. Avoid disagreements.
/r/Divorce_Men16/03/26 04:37 PM
1

This.
/r/Divorce_Men16/03/26 03:37 AM
7

That lawyer she hired? He works for her, not you. Get your own. And you are not responsible anymore for her lifestyle.
/r/Divorce_Men14/03/26 11:07 AM
8

Do not leave the house! Stay with your children.
/r/Divorce_Men12/03/26 09:47 AM
2

That video, with your report of earlier abuse, is positive proof of domestic violence. In the U.S. a judge would file a protective order to force her out of the house. In terms of divorce, it is a silver bullet. Back up that evidence to the cloud or other secure storage. Get a lawyer to protect YOU. I wish you well.
/r/Divorce_Men09/03/26 03:13 AM
2

Did any paperwork get filed with your local government?
/r/Divorce_Men08/03/26 07:22 PM
2

Do what you want, so long as you don’t fall on your sword trying to keep her happy.
/r/Divorce_Men05/03/26 04:15 PM
17

I learned I’m not gonna marry again. After 30 years I still haven’t.
/r/Divorce_Men03/03/26 06:34 PM
6

Your lawyer should put a clause into the separation / divorce agreement restricting both of you to the local area to facilitate custody sharing. If she moves away, it will be up to her to cover the expense of transporting them.
/r/Divorce_Men02/03/26 02:07 AM
1

Right! You’re unemployed through no fault of your own. Demand she pay spousal support.
/r/Divorce_Men01/03/26 04:01 PM
3

If that house was purchased while you were still married, you have a legit claim to any equity. Your lawyer can argue you are not responsible for any part of the mortgage /debt on it.
/r/Divorce_Men01/03/26 03:59 PM
3

Get your own lawyer. Tell your stbx you want the house. She leaves. She gets a job.
/r/Divorce_Men28/02/26 02:55 AM
2

Legally, she’s entitled to half of all assets acquired through marriage. You can cash out your half, I think. You should determine how much you had prior to marriage.
/r/Divorce_Men25/02/26 03:45 PM
2

Have an attorney? If you share children, you should develop a custody plan with your lawyer. Collect documentation on the sly to prove your case.
/r/Divorce_Men21/02/26 10:59 AM
2

Can you work out a catch up payment plan with her?
/r/Divorce_Men17/02/26 05:11 PM
2

Spend your money on necessary car repairs.
/r/Divorce_Men13/02/26 09:35 PM
8

An excellent comment. It’s worth considering.
/r/Divorce_Men12/02/26 04:29 PM
4

Have you filed complaints with your local law enforcement about those attacks? Those attacks are your silver bullet! Back them up with witnesses and evidence. Otherwise, get a lawyer on your case big time.
/r/Divorce_Men11/02/26 04:49 AM
13

That money she took out of the joint account can be identified as taking marital assets prematurely. She’s playing hardball. Go for the jugular! Stop those joint cards and accounts.
/r/Divorce_Men08/02/26 05:57 PM
9

You don’t have to fall down on your sword. Preserve some self respect. Consider keeping the house and sharing custody.
/r/Divorce_Men08/02/26 01:28 PM
1

You may cable to collect a share of her military pension when or if she retires.
/r/Divorce_Men05/02/26 02:49 PM
3

The arrangement looks fair to both parents although it’s also complicated. You might get a clause added to restrict each to a specific area, like contiguous counties, to facilitate transportation.
/r/Divorce_Men03/02/26 12:34 PM
0

She’s divorcing you because, while you were passed out, she slept with somebody? Just wondering.
/r/Divorce_Men02/02/26 10:46 PM
2

Okay. Make it uncomfortable for her to stay. My personal favorite is pee noisily into the toilet while standing up, never flush, and leave the toilet seat up.
/r/Divorce_Men01/02/26 10:39 PM
3

This will do the trick: Whip your sensual object out and wack off in front of her.
/r/Divorce_Men31/01/26 08:26 PM
3

A silver bullet is an action or move that pretty much guarantees one of you will have a slam dunk in court. Example: family violence.
/r/Divorce_Men31/01/26 08:12 PM
6

Make your stbx sleep in the spare bedroom…especially if she filed first. After all, it’s on her to take the action to separate.
/r/Divorce_Men31/01/26 08:11 PM
2

I separated our finances ASAP so she had no access.
/r/Divorce_Men28/01/26 11:03 PM
2

You don’t ask for a divorce. You have your lawyer file the paperwork (or do it yourself) and either you give your wife the paperwork or have her served. She has no say in it.
/r/Divorce_Men28/01/26 10:40 PM
3

If you choose to drop that insurance, make sure you get something in return: maybe more custody, or claiming your son as a dependent on your income tax return.
/r/Divorce_Men28/01/26 01:52 AM
10

In my opinion the best results are from refusing to do the stbx any favors…unless you get something of value in return. Breaking up a marriage should be treated as breaking up a business deal. Keep emotions out of it and focus on negotiating.
/r/Divorce_Men27/01/26 12:52 PM
6

If she lives with you, make her pay half the household bills, and contribute towards groceries.
/r/Divorce_Men26/01/26 04:11 AM
2

Tip: Secretly record her telling you that you won’t be allowed to see your daughter. It gives you ammunition in court on custody sharing. You are entitled to 50-50.
/r/Divorce_Men26/01/26 04:06 AM
1

DO NOT LET HER KEEP YOUR DAUGHTER indefinitely. Ensure you share custody even if you divorce. Talk to a lawyer to know your rights. Check your credit reports periodically because of that cosigned car loan. Get her off any shared financial accounts. Another thing: don’t fall down on your sword to keep her happy.
/r/Divorce_Men21/01/26 07:24 PM
7

Wait a minute. You bought her out of the house before filing? Legally she still has a financial claim on it because it is still marital property.
/r/Divorce_Men19/01/26 07:17 PM
3

Borrowing to finance your divorce seems like a worthwhile move. You can also tell her to cover some of the current household bills. That might get her moving forward too. Or cut back on those expenses anyway. My favorite recommendation: leave the toilet seat up.
/r/Divorce_Men18/01/26 07:11 PM
3

Just file for divorce yourself. Get things moving forward. Ensure your petition includes what YOU want to happen. She’ll have to negotiate with you. Don’t fall down on your sword either.
/r/Divorce_Men18/01/26 06:35 PM
1

You can ask the court to order your stbx to pay your lawyer’s fees. I found this: In a divorce (especially in Texas), you can ask the court to order your ex-spouse (STBX) to pay your attorney's fees, usually by filing a motion for temporary orders, proving financial need/disparity, and showing the other party can afford it. Courts often grant this to ensure equal access to legal representation.
/r/Divorce_Men15/01/26 02:07 AM
5

What does Dad’s lawyer say? If he doesn’t have one now, he better get one ASAP.
/r/Divorce_Men08/01/26 03:18 AM
4

Make her and her new boyfriend uncomfortable when he’s over. Cook stinky foods. Burn smelly incense. Watch loud television. Eat her food. Maybe replace their bed with a crappy or smaller one. Use up all the hot water with a long shower. Turn down the temperature on the hot water heater. “Break” the wi-fi. Or tell her she has to sleep in a smaller bedroom if you have one. My favorite is leaving the toilet seat up, but that’s not an immediate solution that you want.
/r/Divorce_Men05/01/26 08:47 PM
2

Ensure the divorce agreement has a clause that both of you must stay within a limited geographic area to make custody exchange easier.
/r/Divorce_Men03/01/26 03:20 AM
1

Consider borrowing from your 401k or getting cash advances on credit cards to pay your lawyer.
/r/Divorce_Men01/01/26 10:45 PM
3

Try leaving the toilet seat up.
/r/Divorce_Men01/01/26 05:06 PM
3

Can your lawyer use your medical leave and bring disabled to delay doing anything about the house?
/r/Divorce_Men30/12/25 01:31 AM
3

I wouldn’t fall down on your sword with that support you want to give her. From what you say, it won’t do any good (except with respect to the children). I would give her whatever the local divorce law requires, and use those plans you’re making to negotiate favorable custody for you.
/r/Divorce_Men28/12/25 11:56 AM
11

Stop talking to her.
/r/Divorce_Men28/12/25 11:41 AM
1

I couldn’t assume full custody either, since I traveled for work perhaps 25 percent of the time. We shared custody instead. I had custody every weekend. My lawyer had a clause inserted into the divorce agreement restricting both of us to the 3 local and contiguous counties which hindered her moving away. This made custody travel much easier for both of us. This arrangement worked well.
/r/Divorce_Men27/12/25 04:38 PM
2

Paying you rent? It doesn’t work that way. YOU pay the rent/mortgage and all the house bills while she lives there for free.
/r/Divorce_Men27/12/25 02:27 PM
7

And another thing. If SHE wants the divorce (and wives file for divorce the majority of the time) she can very well sleep on the couch while YOU stay in the master bedroom. Don’t fall down on your sword!
/r/Divorce_Men27/12/25 02:25 PM
1

There is an online group called Lifeboat which may help you. In general, if your spouse has financial resources but you don’t, the spouse can be ordered to pay YoUR lawyer’s fees. Many lawyers offer free consultations. Make appointments with several. Don’t tell your stbx your plans! Stay cool. Ensure you put aside whatever money you can. Most states support 50/50 custody. Keep that in mind.
/r/Divorce_Men26/12/25 11:15 PM
4

So long as your name is on the house deed or rent agreement, you are owner. An address on your driver’s license is also evidence. You have a legal right to live there and to move back in at any time. If locks were changed, you can get a locksmith to open the doors for you. (You can also break open a window, but it’s best to do that when no one is home.). You can also tell your partner to move instead of you.
/r/Divorce_Men25/12/25 11:24 PM
1

Go. Enjoy this. Bring a small gift for her too.
/r/Divorce_Men24/12/25 02:22 PM
3

Put aside funds NOW, an account she does not know about. Or just separate your accounts. Then file for divorce. Tell her to move out because you’re not getting the affection /intimacy you need. Some lawyers do free consultations.
/r/Divorce_Men23/12/25 02:16 PM
6

Don’t move out and don’t give her the house. “Don’t fall down on your sword.” Keep your cool and don’t argue. Stay until the divorce papers are signed.
/r/Divorce_Men22/12/25 04:28 AM
5

Yes, you do that when nobody is home. Wear a voice recorder in case she appears. Why not try to get a restraining order on her? You do have custody sharing tights on your daughter, don’t you? You should.
/r/Divorce_Men21/12/25 10:21 PM
1

Not to change the topic much…..Whenever I hear from posters they won’t be home when the ex takes her things, I wonder if the ex could take everything. I am not sure if that could happen to you, but you might take measures. Change the locks NOW so you’ll have to be there.
/r/Divorce_Men21/12/25 05:27 PM
2

That pool loan? It’s customary to split debts when divorcing.
/r/Divorce_Men17/12/25 12:38 PM
1

Glad you split up then.
/r/Divorce_Men16/12/25 01:20 AM
2

Sounds awful. Good you got out of this marriage. But was the sex good?
/r/Divorce_Men16/12/25 12:15 AM
2

Better do as much communication with her through your lawyer if you can. . At the very least, use email so everything is documented. This talk can go sideways quickly.
/r/Divorce_Men15/12/25 11:45 PM
2

You should have filed for divorce a half year ago.
/r/Divorce_Men15/12/25 11:10 PM
2

Making her the beneficiary of his 401k affects his lifestyle not one bit. She’ll get those funds after he’s dead. And he can withdraw and spend it as fast as he likes while he’s alive.
/r/Divorce_Men15/12/25 11:15 AM
3

Stand by your children. Record all those problematic drop offs and any issues she has with picking them up from you. Document what your kids say about their treatment. Consider getting an advocate of some sort. After a good period of time, say, a year, you may have legal ammunition for more custody. It’s wise to consult a lawyer who specializes in cases like this one.
/r/Divorce_Men15/12/25 01:15 AM
1

Exactly.
/r/Divorce_Men15/12/25 12:54 AM
1

You’re doing what I call “falling down on your sword.” Your ex lives with your kids in the house you paid for, while you live in what I assume is a cheap apartment. So are you actually giving up all custody rights to your kids? You can claim 50 percent. But you apparently don’t want to.
/r/Divorce_Men15/12/25 12:53 AM
1

That $500 car payment? Is it for her car? Get rid of the car and buy a cheaper one for her. Turn off internet and cable. When your lease runs out, find a cheaper place to stay.
/r/Divorce_Men06/12/25 04:22 AM
1

You haven’t mentioned child support. If incomes are unequal, some states require it even if 50/50.
/r/Divorce_Men03/12/25 03:23 PM
5

Women STILL suffer financially more so than men in a divorce, on average. Regardless as to who initiated the divorce, ex wives still need financial support when raising children. A man who doesn’t man up to assist in that endeavor (as well as sharing custody) is worthless morally in my opinion.
/r/Divorce_Men01/12/25 04:19 PM
2

An iPhone SE isn’t expensive. Buy one yourself (or a similar model) and replace the one you object to.
/r/Divorce_Men01/12/25 07:58 AM
4

You should at least pay state mandated child support based on your current income. Man up! Be a good father.
/r/Divorce_Men01/12/25 03:02 AM
7

I disagree, a little. Women who stay home to raise children suffer long-term due to losing income. I have no beef with providing child support to them.
/r/Divorce_Men30/11/25 11:42 PM
13

I am constantly suprised to read in this group about how the husband leaves the residence when it’s her choice to split up. Given the trend towards equality, I feel it’s the husband who is just as entitled to stay in the residence while SHE moves out. I feel the same way about the man moving out of the master bedroom for the guest room, couch, or basement. If she wants to divorce, it should be on her to move out of the MBR.
/r/Divorce_Men30/11/25 09:17 PM
4

The OP SHOULD file for divorce now rather than wait for her to continue building a case.
/r/Divorce_Men29/11/25 02:35 AM
2

You did good, u/320. Keep on keeping your cool.
/r/Divorce_Men27/11/25 11:31 PM
4

Move back into your house. If your spouse doesn’t like it, she is entitled to move. Note that your moving out can be seen as abandonment.
/r/Divorce_Men25/11/25 12:03 AM
4

Jeez, OP. File for divorce yourself!
/r/Divorce_Men24/11/25 07:14 PM
1

Whatever is in those papers can be contested. If you don’t like those papers, get a lawyer and fight for what you want. Don’t take it lying down.
/r/Divorce_Men23/11/25 11:59 PM
2

Hell no! Do not agree to this. Get a lawyer who will fight for you.
/r/Divorce_Men23/11/25 04:31 AM
2

You should demand 50-50 custody sharing. Your stbx should be responsible for covering the transportation costs because she removed the children from you. And I cannot figure out what “sole joint custody” means.
/r/Divorce_Men23/11/25 03:07 AM
1

No need to “pack” her stuff. Just drag it into the garage. Leave it on the floor.
/r/Divorce_Men20/11/25 07:56 PM
1

Moving out of the house can lead to charges of abandonment and you can be forced to accept less than 50/50 custody. You may also be required to pay your ex’s house expenses as well as those of where you move to.
/r/Divorce_Men19/11/25 11:49 AM
0

You do have a divorce agreement, or a custody agreement, right? And what’s to stop you from going over to your brother’s house to see your son? Bring over a couple bottles of wine, or a box of fine chocolates, for your brother as a gift.
/r/Divorce_Men18/11/25 02:34 AM
4

Or, tell HER to move out if she wants to divorce. You stay.
/r/Divorce_Men17/11/25 08:21 PM
7

Whatever. Your post is a bit indecipherable.
/r/Divorce_Men17/11/25 01:52 PM
7

It IS your business where your children live. YOU are entitled to 50/50 custody sharing, at least.
/r/Divorce_Men15/11/25 03:55 PM
3

Exactly. It’s war at this point. Consider recording her verbal attacks as a preventive measure. Ensure any agreements include restricting the children to the local area to facilitate custody sharing. Take control of your financial assets. Above all do not move out until an interim agreement is in place, if then.
/r/Divorce_Men15/11/25 03:54 PM
14

Don’t move out. Stay where you are. Tell her to move.
/r/Divorce_Men15/11/25 01:21 PM
10

Why did YOU move out? If she is unhappy, it’s in her to fix it by leaving.
/r/Divorce_Men12/11/25 02:01 AM
1

That’s right. If the OP makes 3.5x what she makes, it won’t take long!
/r/Divorce_Men12/11/25 01:50 AM
2

Just make her life uncomfortable in the home you share.
/r/Divorce_Men08/11/25 09:42 AM
-3

I know of men who refuse to pay for financial support of their children. I still say that’s immoral.
/r/Divorce_Men08/11/25 09:39 AM
-7

It’s a moral obligation to pay child support for our children.
/r/Divorce_Men08/11/25 08:14 AM
1

Well, we made up. For a few years. And she couldn’t live on her income alone.
/r/Divorce_Men03/11/25 07:07 PM
3

Huh? If you move back in, the marriage is over? It already is. Now is not the time to figuratively fall on your sword. Actually, I stayed strong, moved back in and our marriage survived another 5 years.
/r/Divorce_Men03/11/25 05:01 AM
-6

It it your responsibility, as a father, to provide child support.
/r/Divorce_Men01/11/25 02:54 AM
5

Why in the world would you give her more? Tell your own lawyer to go for blood.
/r/Divorce_Men30/10/25 03:25 AM
4

“A man should not fall down on his sword” if he shares his house with his stbx. He is an equal. If she doesn’t like it, it’s on her to leave.
/r/Divorce_Men29/10/25 12:54 PM
0

So you didn’t wear socks before this?
/r/Divorce_Men29/10/25 12:14 PM
17

You should demand the master bedroom. If you must stay in the guest bedroom, ensure that the TV is at least as large as the TV’s in the master and the living room. Invite your friends over for drinks and meal sharing, and use the living room too. Have a party, maybe. Look, don’t allow yourself to suffer. Insist that you live a normal life.
/r/Divorce_Men29/10/25 02:55 AM
1

Stop responding to her negatively. Stay level headed for your kids. You better talk to a lawyer and find legal ways to protect yourself…including filing first and ensuring she doesn’t run off with your children again. If she leaves, it will be without them.
/r/Divorce_Men26/10/25 12:12 AM
3

Stop chasing after her! Don’t “fall down on your sword” or you’ll lose bigtime. Your divorce is a fact. Prepare for bad stuff to happen. Don’t argue with her and don’t agree to anything at this point. Get your own lawyer and structure the divorce to favor you.
/r/Divorce_Men25/10/25 03:38 PM
4

Unless there’s violence involved, you should move back in to the residence. You have the right to live there and share custody of your kids. Staying away puts you in a bad legal position which will cost you a lot. But plan on a divorce in the future. Find a good lawyer asap. Tip: find out what grey rock means.
/r/Divorce_Men24/10/25 01:06 AM
4

You need to man up and stay near your kids. Be a father year round.
/r/Divorce_Men22/10/25 02:09 AM
2

Ask friends and acquaintances for lawyer references before selecting one.
/r/Divorce_Men20/10/25 08:26 PM
11

DO NOT leave the house. You could be accused of abandonment. Get a lawyer as soon as possible! Ensure she has no access to your financial assets. Oh, yeah… stay in the master bedroom. It’s on her to find an alternative.
/r/Divorce_Men20/10/25 02:58 AM
15

Introduce your stbx to your new girlfriend and ask her to sleep on the couch. But seriously, ensure you sleep in the master bedroom every night. After all, it’s her that’s leaving.
/r/Divorce_Men19/10/25 01:09 AM
2

I suspect English isn’t your first language. Your post is a bit tricky to follow.
/r/Divorce_Men15/10/25 02:30 AM
6

Regardless, be there for your children, regardless what your ex does.
/r/Divorce_Men11/10/25 12:58 AM
5

You got it wrong. Unless you reply, preferably using a lawyer, you can lose big time. Do not ignore those letters! And no, you don’t need to split your property anytime soon. A good lawyer can draw your case out for years.
/r/Divorce_Men08/10/25 05:19 PM
1

It’s vengeance. The bar can discipline those lawyers, to the extent that their licenses can be suspended for a time, or revoked. I am not sure is the bar can intervene in your case.
/r/Divorce_Men08/10/25 05:17 PM
2

File a grievance with the local bar association. Seems like you have a good case.
/r/Divorce_Men08/10/25 04:45 PM
2

Some lawyers do free half-hour to hour consultations. You can also look up policies on divorce in your state. My suggestion: look up what grey rock means. Do it. Stay neutral! You are now making a business decision. Avoid confrontation. No matter how much it hurts now, You’ll be better off in the end.
/r/Divorce_Men06/10/25 04:04 PM
2

Don’t tell your ex. Just do it.
/r/Divorce_Men06/10/25 01:23 PM
1

Divorce her ASAP and get minimum 50 percent custody. Document the unsafe situation and get a protection order Take care of your children without her. Those debts? Make her assume half.
/r/Divorce_Men06/10/25 01:37 AM
2

I divorced my ex in part because her student loan defaults caused the Fed to seize my income tax refunds.
/r/Divorce_Men30/09/25 09:04 AM
4

I hope you have shared custody of your children.
/r/Divorce_Men29/09/25 05:28 PM
5

Your lawyer /solicitor MUST get something in place that keeps your ex from taking the kids out of the area. You have some custodial rights, don’t you? Give this high priority.
/r/Divorce_Men27/09/25 10:15 PM
2

Do not open any joint accounts with this woman.
/r/Divorce_Men24/09/25 12:39 PM
3

That is true, though there are exceptions. Students loan payments and income taxes incurred prior to marriage are some. I think taxes owed on incomes when filed separately is another, but I am not certain.
/r/Divorce_Men22/09/25 08:11 PM
2

I believe that, until a children’s custody agreement is in place, you CAN steal your child away. Your stbx and you have equal rights to the child. This may vary by country.
/r/Divorce_Men19/09/25 02:45 AM
1

Sounds it may be in your interest to slow down the process. She may be more willing to give you what you need..:like more child support. Ensure you obtain a complete financial statement. Keep in mind you can stay in the house until divorce is finalized, and maybe later if need be. Don’t fall down on your sword. Clearly she wants out.
/r/Divorce_Men18/09/25 04:18 PM
3

Lock down your accounts asap. Close any jointly owned accounts. Get yourself a lawyer. Give him/her a BIG retainer. She can’t touch that.
/r/Divorce_Men16/09/25 01:13 AM
10

Working that extra job will drag you down! The extra income figures into higher child support payments to her as well as causing you to spend less time at home and with the kids. It’s almost her silver bullet.
/r/Divorce_Men15/09/25 04:50 PM
3

If the home was purchased while they were married, it is a marital asset. He’s entitled to any gain. There’s other aspects you mention that good lawyer can use to go after her financially. Your parner should consider borrowing.
/r/Divorce_Men15/09/25 04:28 PM
4

I was about to say that. Especially if your driver’s license lists it as an address.
/r/Divorce_Men12/09/25 03:13 PM
3

Ensure you get a temp custody and support plan in place that favors you.
/r/Divorce_Men11/09/25 01:34 AM
4

On the other hand, you now have free rein to do whatever you want to the house. Like rebuild car engines in the living room. Or install a wall-shaking stereo.
/r/Divorce_Men03/09/25 02:30 AM
4

Or you can just STOP paying the mortgage. Make her cover it. Like others here say, go cold turkey with her. Don’t discuss anything with her except your 5 year old. And get a lawyer!
/r/Divorce_Men02/09/25 10:59 PM
14

Cut her off from your shared accounts. Take steps to secure your finances. She should be on her own. I wish you well!
/r/Divorce_Men30/08/25 01:37 PM
1

Change the locks immediately. Ensure the windows are locked shut. Lawyer up. Get your documents, firearms and weapons(if any) out of the house. If you have a garage door opener, change the code.
/r/Divorce_Men28/08/25 09:46 PM
7

My suggestion is to keep your emotions restrained. Your impending divorce is now a business decision. It’s up to her to navigate her medical problems now. Don’t get pulled down. Sure, sympathize with her plight, but that’s it.
/r/Divorce_Men27/08/25 09:48 AM
2

Why the hell are you sending her money? Keep emotions out of this. What are YOU getting in return? Not love, that’s for sure. Make it worth your while. Get some sort of asset in return.
/r/Divorce_Men27/08/25 03:05 AM
20

Your ex has no say in your romantic life after divorce.
/r/Divorce_Men27/08/25 01:18 AM
5

It’s better to stay in the vicinity of your son to facilitate custody sharing, even if your career takes a hit. Now you have an uphill battle. Move back and fight for him. Good luck.
/r/Divorce_Men27/08/25 01:16 AM
1

At the very least, put your daughter on birth control.
/r/Divorce_Men26/08/25 09:25 PM
2

As a resident (I.e. your driver’s license address) you are entitled to stay in the house until a legal agreement or divorce is signed which specifies your move out date and child custody. (Personally, I would try to remain on good terms and continue to be cordial during this time.) Ensure you have a lawyer examine the paperwork to avoid being shafted. It may help if you help pay at least some household expenses to prove you’re not abandoning the home.
/r/Divorce_Men23/08/25 05:26 PM
4

But if the recording saves you from fake charges of, say, family violence or child abuse…
/r/Divorce_Men22/08/25 10:47 PM
5

This is the best advice I’ve seen in this group.
/r/Divorce_Men22/08/25 08:38 PM
2

My male attorney did a good job for me in 1996. Texas. He could have played hard hardball, but didn’t have to.
/r/Divorce_Men21/08/25 04:45 PM
1

Right.
/r/Divorce_Men20/08/25 08:17 PM
2

Some divorce agreements have the parties continue life insurance coverage until kids turn 18, as I did. I suggest you refuse permanent coverage and beneficiary designation on your ex. I think a judge will agree.
/r/Divorce_Men20/08/25 01:41 AM
4

Stick to your guns. Don’t let her control you. Cut back on generosity. Disclosures? If they are accurate, give her another copy of them.
/r/Divorce_Men20/08/25 01:38 AM
7

How to co-habit: Here’s a few tips. Don’t flush the toilet. Leave the seat up. Cook onions and cabbage a lot. Fart loudly. Order pizza and leave the boxes scattered around. Same for partially consumed bottles of beer. Take up smoking. Leave ashtrays full of butts scattered here and there. Never take the trash out. Change the WiFi password and don’t tell her. “Forget” to pay bills. Leave used condoms lying around. About your shared friends: take them out to dinner and drinks often. Your treat.
/r/Divorce_Men19/08/25 08:33 PM
4

File first. Use a hidden voice recorder, not your phone, to document her threats. You might need it.
/r/Divorce_Men19/08/25 06:39 AM
3

If you run the risk of arrest and jail because of her accusations, maybe it’s preferable to bring forth a damning video rather than serve time.
/r/Divorce_Men18/08/25 09:48 PM
4

Your stbx must assume half of that HELOC debt or negotiate it away. Same for any other debts accrued while living together.
/r/Divorce_Men18/08/25 02:28 AM
5

Why have you allowed yourself to be thrown out?
/r/Divorce_Men16/08/25 06:05 PM
1

Starting a preliminary agreement early helps you focus on your goals so it helps avoid being blindsided in mediation. Example: get your lawyer to create a clause restricting both of you to the local vicinity in order to make custody sharing easier. Your lawyer might (or should) have a default agreement already prepared that can be modified to suit your goals. Yes, this does cost money.
/r/Divorce_Men14/08/25 02:30 PM
1

List item 2 is your golden parachute. Start documenting. Save related emails and messages for court. If you can voice record, , do that too
/r/Divorce_Men12/08/25 08:55 PM
2

Accidentally drop a few of those plates and glasses while packing them for her. Ensure that bicycle has flat tires. Maybe let it rust in the rain for a bit. Run a hose over it to make sure.
/r/Divorce_Men12/08/25 05:05 PM
3

You may have a case for more custody than 50/50.
/r/Divorce_Men12/08/25 11:39 AM
5

Use the law to get her out of the house.
/r/Divorce_Men12/08/25 09:59 AM
3

First thing to do stop paying some of those household expenses. Refuse some of them. She’ll have to pay her share. Ensure your own finances are separated. Draw down any shared accounts to a minimum. Tell her your pay was reduced. Example: switch to a more limited internet plan. Switch her cell phone the same.
/r/Divorce_Men12/08/25 01:48 AM
4

Change the locks anyway. Your argument is she’s moved out and vandalized your home.
/r/Divorce_Men07/08/25 05:15 PM
1

Just be there for your kids in spite of your nasty ex. Keep your cool and don’t disparage her in front of them.
/r/Divorce_Men06/08/25 08:35 PM
4

I agree with your reasoning. Paying the CS myself fixed those potential problems.
/r/Divorce_Men05/08/25 07:33 PM
2

Not sure how the ex can monitor your income, unless the withholding is a specific percentage of your income which your employer is obligated to calculate and forward that amount. I divorced in Texas in the nineties and agreed o a fixed amount, which I paid religiously and by written check.
/r/Divorce_Men05/08/25 07:31 PM
3

Many municipalities can make the high income earner cover the cost of a lawyer in situations like yours, to prevent financial chicanery like this.
/r/Divorce_Men03/08/25 03:28 AM
1

My reply’s a bit late, but…find those wedding photos. Hide them away from the house. Find all your property and go the same. Then hide her candle collection.
/r/Divorce_Men02/08/25 09:03 PM
4

Since you are the mortgage holder, you are held responsible for it, in spite of the decree. A default will hurt your credit rating, assuming this is in the U.S. That might be okay if you are willing to wait 7 years before it drops off your credit report. (I defaulted on a mortgage. 8 years later I qualified for another mortgage on a different house. I am living in that house today.)
/r/Divorce_Men29/07/25 09:32 PM
3

I would make her move out, not me. It’s on her to make the change. Right now, the house is still half yours. Don’t give it up.
/r/Divorce_Men29/07/25 02:19 AM
2

You need to have a formal child custody arrangement. And separate yourself from her in an emotional sense. Time to move on. She has.
/r/Divorce_Men28/07/25 01:39 AM
1

Does she deny you access to your son if you go to where she’s living, knock on the door, and politely ask? Sounds like she does. Record the interaction as evidence. Do this a few times to document the pattern.
/r/Divorce_Men25/07/25 05:50 PM
0

Change the door locks pronto! Keep control over the stuff she tries to take.
/r/Divorce_Men24/07/25 11:44 PM
1

Seems like this is not much of a hill to die on.
/r/Divorce_Men24/07/25 11:06 PM
1

You don’t need her cooperation to divorce, although it helps. Your lawyer and a judge can get it done. Edit: get any firearms, knives, pointy objects out of the house until it’s all over, if you have not yet done so.
/r/Divorce_Men24/07/25 10:29 PM
2

Go ahead and proceed. For backup, consider sereptiously voice recording her when she’s ranting. Don’t use your phone. Get voice recorder that fits in your shirt pocket or something.
/r/Divorce_Men24/07/25 07:00 PM
5

It’s not a good idea to tell your opponent you want to move forward quickly. She can use this information against you.
/r/Divorce_Men24/07/25 03:24 AM
1

Get a (hidden) voice recorder and record conversations like this, even if the law says you can’t. Keep the files in safe places for backup. If she lays hands on you or damages household property, call the police and report the violence. Say you are in fear of being hurt. Take photos.
/r/Divorce_Men24/07/25 02:27 AM
2

At a guess, six months worth of documentation as a minimum in order to get more than 50/50. Not an expert!
/r/Divorce_Men22/07/25 02:51 AM
10

Boot her out of the master bedroom. You need a comfortable bed in order to recover from your foot injury. Doctor’s orders! Oh, yeah. Don’t fall down in your sword! You’re enemies now.
/r/Divorce_Men20/07/25 04:44 PM
4

Ensure you sleep in the master bedroom. Tell her she has the couch. That will motivate her for sure.
/r/Divorce_Men19/07/25 12:39 PM
3

I recommend using a voice recorder rather than a cell phone. Split your assets in half without telling her. Give the funds to your lawyer for escrow. It worked for me.
/r/Divorce_Men18/07/25 11:35 AM
5

Yes, you’re fucked. You’re working too hard. Cut back, though by now it may be too late. A great deal of your paychecks will go to her after your divorce. Get a good lawyer ASAP.
/r/Divorce_Men18/07/25 02:57 AM
2

Try mediation. Or go to court and get a judge to decide.
/r/Divorce_Men17/07/25 02:18 AM
-2

That child support is for your kids. Don’t kid look at it so negatively. Chances are your income will go significantly over those years so it’s not all bad. Mine did. I eventually retired with more money in savings than I had ever thought I would have. Tip on alimony: if you have to pay it…ensure your lawyer protects you.
/r/Divorce_Men16/07/25 08:55 PM
1

5 years of marriage doesn’t seem long enough to qualify for alimony. Her future income can be imputed based on her education and prior work history. If she has a vehicle, she can commute for custody sharing. The divorce agreement should have a clause that she stays local. If your house has any equity, she’ll have perhaps half of it after closing costs. Make sure your lawyer works for you! This is a business division. Keep emotions out of it. Edit: if her lack of transportation is an issue, consi…
/r/Divorce_Men16/07/25 02:22 AM
3

Your lawyer can insist she remain in the immediate area to facilitate custody sharing, as well as 50-50. Your kids need you in their lives. But file before she moves away!
/r/Divorce_Men16/07/25 02:02 AM
9

You need a lawyer. A good one.
/r/Divorce_Men15/07/25 06:17 PM
5

Leave the toilet seat up. Bonus: don’t flush.
/r/Divorce_Men15/07/25 10:13 AM
2

Your actions approach the meaning of “falling down on your sword.”
/r/Divorce_Men14/07/25 11:32 PM
1

Why did you sign that lopsided MSA? Did you gain anything?
/r/Divorce_Men14/07/25 09:54 PM
5

Tell her to move out. You stay.
/r/Divorce_Men14/07/25 09:34 PM
2

She’s living in your house? Why aren’t you living there too? And you sleep in the master bedroom.
/r/Divorce_Men14/07/25 09:33 PM
3

Your stbx wants you to leave? No. She wants a change, so she should take the action to leave. And tell her you found another woman because she failed to put out.
/r/Divorce_Men14/07/25 10:49 AM
0

If you two were engaged for eight years, that’s absurd.
/r/Divorce_Men12/07/25 07:41 PM
4

“Agreed Temporary Orders?” Please don’t tell me you signed that lopsided agreement. If you did, your lawyer sucked.
/r/Divorce_Men12/07/25 06:12 PM
1

Wait a minute. Your child has a stepdad? Did he adopt her? Just wondering.
/r/Divorce_Men12/07/25 06:07 PM
2

Look in her car.
/r/Divorce_Men12/07/25 02:24 AM
5

It’s painful, for sure. But after the divorce, you can rebuild your savings and maybe qualify for a higher pension. Millions of us have done it. You can too. Best of luck!
/r/Divorce_Men10/07/25 11:28 PM
1

Finalize your schedule. If she refuses to cooperate, take her to court and demand 100 percent custody.
/r/Divorce_Men10/07/25 08:16 PM
5

Sell the cars. Buy cheaper ones. Take out a home equity loan on the house. Find lower priced insurance.
/r/Divorce_Men09/07/25 09:10 PM
1

Marital debt as well as assets is negotiable. Either one of you can assume more than half the debt in exchange for a larger share of assets.
/r/Divorce_Men09/07/25 06:21 PM
9

It’s called falling down on your sword. But it’s not your sacrifice. If she wants to split, it’s on her, not you.
/r/Divorce_Men08/07/25 01:28 AM
1

Can you call up your stbx and negotiate? It’s cheaper!
/r/Divorce_Men07/07/25 04:20 PM
7

Seems as if you’ve paid your attorney quite a bit of money and gotten nowhere.
/r/Divorce_Men07/07/25 03:33 PM
2

Hasn’t your attorney, or hers, filed for divorce yet?
/r/Divorce_Men07/07/25 03:20 PM
4

If you have kids, moving out before a child custody agreement is in place can be seen as abandonment.
/r/Divorce_Men06/07/25 02:14 PM
2

Beg or borrow the funds for your lawyer. It will be worth going into debt for this.
/r/Divorce_Men05/07/25 04:53 PM
2

She’s moved on from you? Make HER sleep in the basement. You stay in the house. Finally, SHE moves out.
/r/Divorce_Men02/07/25 10:20 AM
7

It’s a misnomer to ‘ask’ for a divorce. You start it by filing.
/r/Divorce_Men01/07/25 05:21 PM
4

Better take your half of the money before she takes all of it. Better yet, take all of it and use it to support the kids and the house.
/r/Divorce_Men01/07/25 03:12 AM
2

Document the funds you provide to her and the kids. Consider sleeping on the marital bed. Have her on the couch. Tell her you need to get some sleep in order to work.
/r/Divorce_Men29/06/25 04:17 PM
6

Like CsptJaxParo did, start recording your conversations. And give your assets to your lawyer for temporary safekeeping. Get hold of your marriage certificate, and birth certificates and passports if you have children.
/r/Divorce_Men29/06/25 12:47 AM
1

Thanks, but I better not.
/r/Divorce_Men29/06/25 12:43 AM
7

He NEEDS a lawyer. What about your son’s custody sharing? What about examining that dance studio’s income tax returns?
/r/Divorce_Men28/06/25 12:00 PM
2

Go back to your home country. Borrow the money if you have to. And file for divorce somewhere.
/r/Divorce_Men27/06/25 08:38 PM
7

You don’t to bring it up. It’s more or less irrelevant now. Just get the divorce done without telling her you know.
/r/Divorce_Men26/06/25 12:23 AM
1

I o found this: In divorce, student loans are generally treated as the separate debt of the spouse who incurred them, especially if taken out before the marriage or if used solely for that spouse's education. However, if the loan was taken out during the marriage or if the funds were used for joint expenses, it might be considered marital debt, potentially impacting how it's divided in the divorce.
/r/Divorce_Men25/06/25 01:37 AM
1

Some unscrupulous CS recipients claim they never received it. Going through the government with your money provides proof. You really need to check what can go wrong. A good lawyer who provides a comprehensive divorce decree is well worth the money. I’m happy I had one. There might also be local “dad divorce” groups where you live, who can help you understand the local divorce mores.
/r/Divorce_Men24/06/25 02:04 AM
1

The CS you pay is set by state guidelines. You can of course pay more if you wish. Her income can be imputed based on her education and employment history. You are getting at least some custody time, right? Should be 50-50. Have a clause in the decree that restricts her to reside locally, which facilitates exchange. When my son turned 18, my CS requirement automatically stopped. Your CS should always go through your county’s child support services (or whatever it’s called), which will forward yo…
/r/Divorce_Men23/06/25 09:05 PM
16

Don’t wait. Her income can be imputed based on her employment history. Keep moving forward.
/r/Divorce_Men21/06/25 02:11 AM
1

In general, a divorced spouse can claim a SS benefit depending on the other (higher earning) spouse’s income, if he/she remains unmarried. Best part: claiming the benefit does not affect the SS pension of the higher earning spouse.
/r/Divorce_Men19/06/25 03:13 AM
2

Your lawyer can help you.
/r/Divorce_Men17/06/25 10:32 AM
4

It would be a good idea to secure your valuables and any heirlooms. Back up your computer drives. Remove any weapons. Take your spouse off your accounts if you haven’t already.
/r/Divorce_Men17/06/25 03:03 AM
8

Why not keep the bike at your place? Or buy another bike?
/r/Divorce_Men12/06/25 11:32 AM
7

In some situations it’s a waste of time, and money.
/r/Divorce_Men11/06/25 03:43 PM
17

Verifying infidelity is unimportant in divorce. The operative words and action are “I don’t love you anymore,” or just refusing to answer the question in the correct way. Begin the divorce now.
/r/Divorce_Men11/06/25 11:38 AM
5

Hey! Where is YOUR lawyer in this? When I hear the word “amicable” here I suspect it’s only amicable because your stbx is taking you to the cleaners, and you don’t realize it. Protect yourself.
/r/Divorce_Men11/06/25 02:39 AM
4

Get your children committed to your dinner / party first. She can be second in line.
/r/Divorce_Men09/06/25 02:06 PM
2

Make your crude sleep on the floor or couch. You take the bed.
/r/Divorce_Men08/06/25 11:10 AM
3

Can you get your friend (or some other reliable person) to take care of the dog until the divorce is over? You have a right to do so. It’s yours. Give him the dog without her knowledge.
/r/Divorce_Men08/06/25 01:06 AM
12

At this point, her infidelity is a given. Go grey rock, lawyer up, and keep on being a good father. After you divorce, find a good woman.
/r/Divorce_Men05/06/25 10:25 AM
4

If you pay too much in living expenses, cut back on them. There are ways.
/r/Divorce_Men02/06/25 12:34 PM
2

I don’t think you two are in a good place to reconcile, after she wanted to separate so many times. Better to talk to a lawyer, understand your options, secure your finances, and then discuss child custody arrangements with your stbx while you can still talk sanely.
/r/Divorce_Men30/05/25 06:01 PM
1

Trying to use that divorce threat to reconcile seems futile. Seems to me there’s no return.
/r/Divorce_Men28/05/25 11:43 AM
3

I’ve had somewhat similar issues. Batten yourself down. Keep a stack of bug out funds and resources somewhere safe…not in the house. Separate your accounts. Talk to a lawyer ASAP. Ask if you can record your conversations. Maintain your coolness. And start that list up again.
/r/Divorce_Men28/05/25 02:32 AM
1

My wife filed for divorce when I was 46. We settled more or less amicably. Not much in assets, anyway. I worked another 19 years in central Texas, bought a small house at age 48, still living in it comfortably at age 74 with a very decent nest egg, with a girlfriend who dearly loves me. My 40 year old son lives 8 miles away. It can be done if you choose wisely.
/r/Divorce_Men26/05/25 08:12 PM
3

Alimony is not customary in Texas, and also, she’s making a decent salary.
/r/Divorce_Men26/05/25 07:52 PM
4

Dump that woman, like reflog says. Move on. No children? Consider yourself very lucky.
/r/Divorce_Men24/05/25 12:08 PM
2

Stay impartial. Don’t raise your hopes. Avoid the infamous “pick me” dance.
/r/Divorce_Men22/05/25 09:23 PM
5

Wow! If you’re still living in the basement, get out of there. Move back into your master bedroom. It’s yours until a property division is agreed on.
/r/Divorce_Men20/05/25 06:42 PM
13

You’re returning home from your travel and you will climb into your marital bed, same as always. If she wishes to separate, it is on HER, not you. You stay. You resume your life. Man up.
/r/Divorce_Men18/05/25 01:16 AM
4

Stop talking with her. Get her to talk to your lawyer instead. You run the risk of getting shafted. And use “since” instead of “sense.”
/r/Divorce_Men16/05/25 03:03 AM
2

Why are you giving up your house? You are entitled to half the marital assets. It appears she is in a hurry to get the divorce done. You have more negotiating power than you realize. Tip: if you must give the house up, insist on taking the master bedroom’s bed with you.
/r/Divorce_Men15/05/25 12:01 AM
12

Don’t “depend” on her to agree. She has no say in your decision. It can proceed whether or not she wants it. And don’t fall in your sword trying to please her.
/r/Divorce_Men14/05/25 07:37 PM
1

If you bought the house while married, it’s considered a marital asset. She is entitled to half its value.
/r/Divorce_Men12/05/25 08:14 AM
9

Get your lawyer ASAP and start working on your own plan. Yes, it’s war. She is not your friend anymore. About that long list of documents, it’s ok to say ‘unavailable’ if that’s the case. And if you filed joint returns, I think she can request copies from the IRS.
/r/Divorce_Men11/05/25 06:12 PM
4

I was under impression people aren’t required to accept an arbitrator’s recommendation if they don’t like it.
/r/Divorce_Men10/05/25 09:11 PM
4

She has your balls in her bedside drawer. Better find them soon.
/r/Divorce_Men07/05/25 03:25 PM
11

The judge can make her pay for your lawyer in situations where incomes are very unequal. Those income tax returns can prove it. You can also pay a forensic accountant to find any funds she may be hiding.
/r/Divorce_Men07/05/25 12:54 AM
1

Since she is demanding the divorce, it’s up to her to start the split. Make her take the living room. You take the bedroom. Of course, give her nothing until the division of sssets and liabilities is filed.
/r/Divorce_Men06/05/25 02:01 AM
3

Sounds like you should document your marital property and financial assets during this time in case it “disappears.”
/r/Divorce_Men03/05/25 03:20 AM
3

Yes! Remake your new house into a livable place, little by little.
/r/Divorce_Men02/05/25 05:49 PM
2

You gotta make it uncomfortable for her to continue living in the house. And you are certainly entitled to use and to sleep in the master bedroom. P.S. and to go naked too
/r/Divorce_Men02/05/25 12:22 PM
6

Get rid of her. You have a life to live
/r/Divorce_Men02/05/25 01:43 AM
5

Do you live in the house with her? Make it uncomfortable for her. Like: don’t flush the toilet. Leave the seat up. Watch games on the TV…loudly. Play music she hates. Leave empty beer bottles and cigarette butts around. And fart loudly. Change the router password without telling her. Invite your friends over for noisy card games but leave her out. Let the air out of her car tires. Cook stinky foods.
/r/Divorce_Men01/05/25 09:31 PM
5

Stop paying the bills, like her phone service. Cut back on cable tv and internet. Leave the toilet seat up and “forget” to flush it. Turn the heat and A/C to uncomfortable l veld. Don’t clean your dishes. Don’t mow the lawn. In other words, incentivize her to go through with it.
/r/Divorce_Men01/05/25 04:26 PM
3

Seems to me you can demand the house be sold, or force her to buy you out.
/r/Divorce_Men29/04/25 07:10 PM
3

Many if not all states have minimum residency times.
/r/Divorce_Men28/04/25 01:45 AM
-1

Paying for your child’s college is great…but it’s not essential. He/she can get other financing if necessary. Your ex must also show valid reasons for more custody to obtain it.
/r/Divorce_Men26/04/25 09:20 PM
5

Do not leave the home. It’s on her to move out.
/r/Divorce_Men26/04/25 07:03 PM
3

You’re already divorced, right? I hope you already took the items assigned to you.
/r/Divorce_Men24/04/25 08:01 PM
11

Is she the source for that information, or did you independent verify it?
/r/Divorce_Men24/04/25 12:47 PM
2

Keep in mind that the more income you have, the more you’ll need to pay in child support.
/r/Divorce_Men21/04/25 09:13 PM
1

Thanks for posting, but I suspect English isn’t your primary language.
/r/Divorce_Men20/04/25 01:25 PM
5

Your divorce lawyer can take steps to ensure she can’t take your children out of the state because you are entitled to at least some custody.
/r/Divorce_Men20/04/25 02:50 AM
3

Pick up a voice recorder Don’t tell her. Use it to record her rants and aggression. Even if you are in a two party state the recording can help you in bad situations, I think.
/r/Divorce_Men16/04/25 12:23 AM
8

Man up. Accept that you played a role in her decision. Tell her that. Now take steps to protect yourself in the divorce. I like to say “don’t fall down on your sword.”
/r/Divorce_Men14/04/25 03:37 PM
4

That letter is good evidence! Use it to get that protection order lifted and obtain more favorable terms. Now is not the time to fall on your sword. And above all, stay away from her.
/r/Divorce_Men13/04/25 12:36 PM
2

I suggest you file first. Slant the proposed decree to benefit you, your finances, and your kids’ custody. Of course it’s all negotiable but you start with the upper hand. First, get a lawyer. Then Take Action. (If you do it right, you start out with establishing a status quo that a judge favors. )
/r/Divorce_Men12/04/25 07:42 PM
5

Why do you have a joint account with her? Take your half and get your name off it.
/r/Divorce_Men09/04/25 10:08 AM
10

Exactly. File for divorce yourself. Control the flow.
/r/Divorce_Men07/04/25 03:23 AM
1

Demand something of value in return. The TV? Sofa?
/r/Divorce_Men05/04/25 09:27 PM
23

I divorced when I was 46. It did not take long before I earned way more than enough to provide a very comfortable retirement. You got this.
/r/Divorce_Men31/03/25 02:55 AM
10

I think you should know. I would want to, if I was in your situation. You might consider doing the test just for yourself after the divorce finalizes. She need not know.
/r/Divorce_Men31/03/25 02:50 AM
4

If your name is listed on the property tax appraisal, you own it and have every right to live there. If she wants the house, she should buy it from you at a fair price. You should line up a lawyer if you don’t have one. And don’t do any more work on the house unless she agrees to waive rights to it. If so, get the agreement notarized.
/r/Divorce_Men30/03/25 03:43 PM
1

My ex gave me divorce paperwork while we lived in an apartment. We lived together for a couple of months while we and our lawyers negotiated custody and finances. She moved out after it was finalized. I helped her with the moving.
/r/Divorce_Men29/03/25 10:58 AM
1

He better discuss this with his current lawyer.
/r/Divorce_Men29/03/25 03:19 AM
1

He needs to have his lawyer play hardball and pursue this in court. A spouse cannot just evade serving forever. He can hire a good process server or post a notice in a newspaper. If the stbx moved so far away, he should make a case for primary custody and/or make the stbx solely responsible for transportation.
/r/Divorce_Men29/03/25 02:43 AM
1

My ex took the washer and dryer. Fine with me. They were several years old, still worked, but were rusting. I was glad to buy new ones!
/r/Divorce_Men28/03/25 11:59 PM
3

Don’t fall down on your sword. It applies here. Her claws will come out sooner or later.
/r/Divorce_Men26/03/25 09:59 PM
3

Thanks for posting. I better not ask if you stopped watering the tomatoes.
/r/Divorce_Men25/03/25 03:12 AM
5

I’ll add my suggestion….”don’t fall down on your sword”. In an effort to keep her happy. It won’t work. Work out an agreement that satisfies you and meets your children’s needs. If she earns more than you do, you are entitled to child support for your kids.
/r/Divorce_Men24/03/25 01:11 PM
2

When you do file for divorce, consider stopping making those credit card payments (if the debts were incurred during marriage.) They are marital debts and can be split 50-50. You live in the home. You can stay in it for a long time, until they evict you. But you need a lawyer! You can ask the court to make her pay for YOUR lawyer, if your incomes are very different. Same for child custody payments. Assuming you share in the child rearing, you are entitled to 50-50 custody sharing as a default. Y…
/r/Divorce_Men21/03/25 07:37 PM
3

Insist that she live in your contiguous counties to facilitate custody sharing. Any further than that, transportation is on her.
/r/Divorce_Men20/03/25 10:15 PM
10

Here’s what to do: Don’t say you’ll sell the house. Instead, say you’ll remain in the house post-divorce to maintain a stable home for your children. If she wants to move to Peru, fine. But primary custody remains with you. She pays the children’s transportation expenses as well as child support
/r/Divorce_Men20/03/25 01:34 PM
3

Don’t fall on your sword, seamen. It appears she lost any love for you some time ago. Position yourself to avoid being shafted in the divorce. Fulfill your obligations to your kids. Make the separation a business choice, and tamp down your emotional upset till afterwards. Talk to a lawyer to understand what could happen.
/r/Divorce_Men16/03/25 04:12 PM
5

Get a lawyer. The best you can afford. Discuss the situation. Listen to him/her. Separate your finances. Change your passwords. Don’t tell her until you file. Then negotiate. File for irreconcilable differences. Above all, NEVER get angry with her. Stay cool. It’s just business at this point. Any children below 18? Work out custody sharing when you tell her.
/r/Divorce_Men16/03/25 12:12 AM
3

Try farting loudly. Play violent and noisy video games. Don’t wash your dishes. Leave empty beer bottles, cigarette butts, full ashtrays, and used condom weepers all over. “Forget” to put the toilet seat down. Don’t flush, of course. Invite friends over to play loud poker. Did I mention leaving your shorts and towels on the bathroom floor?
/r/Divorce_Men10/03/25 08:45 PM
1

You might tell her you expect some friends with benefits time with her when she comes over. See what happens.
/r/Divorce_Men10/03/25 09:35 AM
2

I think that you can get any spousal support (if awarded) recalculated when she begins working.
/r/Divorce_Men07/03/25 01:44 PM
4

I suggest you stop working so hard, and do it several months before you divorce, if you do so. You WILL be required to give her a big chunk of your income. And those long hours will impact the time you spend with your child.
/r/Divorce_Men03/03/25 12:30 PM
3

Jeez. Don’t fall on your sword any more! Your divorce is now a business decision. Ensure you maximize your share of marital assets..: and ensure she assumes a good share of your marital debts.
/r/Divorce_Men24/02/25 04:14 AM
2

Declare bankruptcy. Give up paying for the house. Or just give up on the house payments. I did that when my ex snd I fought. Yes, your credit will tank but it will get you out of the house mortgage. After 7 years the default slid off my credit rating, I ended up with good credit, and bought my own house in year 8. This was in the U.S. so this situation may differ in your region.
/r/Divorce_Men22/02/25 10:13 AM
2

Even though the house and car are in your name, they are considered marital assets. Though if you paid for them using funds acquired before your short marriage, you may have a good argument they aren’t.
/r/Divorce_Men21/02/25 02:33 PM
4

If you ever get back into your house, remove those weapons and give them to someone (your lawyer?) for safekeeping until this is over. I hope you bought the house and car before you married.
/r/Divorce_Men21/02/25 12:45 PM
1

Marital assets, and debts, are typically split 50–50 unless negotiated otherwise, regardless as to who contributed.
/r/Divorce_Men20/02/25 09:57 PM
6

Make her move out. It’s her choice to split, not yours.
/r/Divorce_Men20/02/25 07:30 PM
-2

Make your priorities are straight. Keep the dog. Give her the house.
/r/Divorce_Men19/02/25 10:57 PM
1

Claiming the kids depends on what the final decree says. It’s negotiable.
/r/Divorce_Men19/02/25 03:46 AM
7

There might be truth in what you say. But pretty much everyone agrees marriage is a partnership. It’s tricky for a service member, man or woman, to maintain custody.
/r/Divorce_Men14/02/25 03:46 PM
2

Giving up your retirement funds is a very bad choice.
/r/Divorce_Men14/02/25 11:00 AM
1

Good. Consider making her ex assume responsibility and all custody for his kids.
/r/Divorce_Men14/02/25 12:45 AM
–

So file for the divorce yourself. Hire a lawyer. Change the assets-liabilities split to benefit you.
/r/Divorce_Men12/02/25 10:03 PM
5

Unless a legal separation agreement is in place outlining respective rights and obligations. It could be a temporary agreement. Let’s also recognize that if ‘she needs the space’ then it’s on her to move out, not you.
/r/Divorce_Men12/02/25 08:25 AM
1

Okay. I hope you provide well for them when you have custody.
/r/Divorce_Men12/02/25 03:25 AM
4

Consider whether your stbx can adequately provide for your four kids when they are in her custody.
/r/Divorce_Men12/02/25 02:18 AM
7

Maybe a small bouquet from you and your kids would be more appropriate than a large bouquet.
/r/Divorce_Men11/02/25 03:43 AM
3

If he’s in the military, and you have convincing evidence, you might get him court-martialed. Anonymously, preferably.
/r/Divorce_Men06/02/25 12:14 AM
2

You REALLY need to go no contact except when the kids are involved. Keep your cool! And wear a voice recorder when you do, whether legal or otherwise.
/r/Divorce_Men05/02/25 02:34 PM
14

I learned the hard way to avoid joint bank accounts a few weeks after our marriage. Way too many bounced checks.
/r/Divorce_Men05/02/25 01:36 PM
2

My guess is she either has another person in the wings or else those “shady dealings “ are catching up to her. Delaying the divorce will make her more conducive to negotiations that favor YOU. You can hire forensic accountants who can track down those assets, for example.
/r/Divorce_Men30/01/25 04:55 PM
1

Given your current circumstances, I think you can get 5/50 custody and obtain child support from her. With that length of marriage, possibly alimony for a length of time.
/r/Divorce_Men29/01/25 02:22 PM
1

Spare bedroom? Turn it around. Stay in the main bedroom. Kick her out of it. Wait until she is informed, of course. Way too often, is the man who moves out in this situation. Another alternative, if you move to the spare: buy a really good bed for it.
/r/Divorce_Men25/01/25 08:30 PM
3

I might commit the minor crime to escape a charge of assault, which has worse penalties.
/r/Divorce_Men24/01/25 02:51 PM
6

You can get unobtrusive recorders that fit into your pocket, maybe with a microphone that attaches to your collar. A cell phone is way too obvious. Recording her threatening you would be your get out of jail free card.
/r/Divorce_Men24/01/25 02:17 AM
2

Personal bankruptcy is an option. It’s extreme but it gets you out of some debt. My ex wife did it while we were married…twice.
/r/Divorce_Men23/01/25 11:52 AM
2

Why not tell her to leave the apartment/house?
/r/Divorce_Men22/01/25 01:01 AM
5

Kick her out of the marital bed. Tell her she needs to get an early start on living without you.
/r/Divorce_Men20/01/25 01:25 AM
2

Why should you move out? Perhaps she should.
/r/Divorce_Men18/01/25 07:56 PM
3

You left the house, didn’t you?
/r/Divorce_Men14/01/25 03:45 AM
2

In your situation, I would rent for a while and try building a nest egg for retirement.
/r/Divorce_Men11/01/25 11:45 AM
3

I’ll do some of the chores she asks me to do..the ones she has difficulty doing, especially. But we share the work. I’ll load up the dishwasher and empty it, laundry occasionally, shovel snow, mow the lawn, rake leaves, move furniture. Buy groceries sometimes.
/r/Divorce_Men10/01/25 02:32 PM
7

Man up! Separate your finances. Take her off your bank and credit card accounts. You can just give her a fixed amount to spend. You have every reason to do that. You might consider moving any savings (if you have any) to another bank she can’t access.
/r/Divorce_Men05/01/25 10:12 PM
9

Stay in the house. Don’t give it away.
/r/Divorce_Men03/01/25 11:27 AM
9

Sounds like you have a strong case for abandonment. Get that lawyer pronto.
/r/Divorce_Men30/12/24 01:55 AM
2

How to get her to move out? Here’s some ideas. Pee in the toilet standing up…loudly. Then don’t flush. Take long showers and use up the hot water. Turn down the thermostat on the water heater so it’s just lukewarm. Eat lots of beans. Fart loudly. Cook stinky food like fish and cabbage. Then don’t clean up in the kitchen. Leave half-eaten pizza lying around. Play noisy video games. Watch violent movies. “Forget” to take out the trash and mow the lawn. Drink lots of beer and leave the empties arou…
/r/Divorce_Men28/12/24 01:36 AM
2

This. Set up a hidden camera, then do what it takes to have her inflict violence on you. Bonus points if your skin is broken. Then complain to the police.
/r/Divorce_Men24/12/24 01:01 AM
5

Sounds like you need a forensic accountant to prove her financial situation.
/r/Divorce_Men24/12/24 12:30 AM
0

Leaving the home will negatively affect child custody if there are children involved. It can be interpreted as abandonment.
/r/Divorce_Men18/12/24 02:13 PM
3

Separate your bank accounts. Don’t have joint ones. Transfer your own funds to separate banks. Take your name off joint credit cards. Avoid entangling debt if possible. Check your credit scores regularly and freeze your credit.
/r/Divorce_Men18/12/24 02:10 PM
1

Lock down your finances first. Then tell her you want the divorce. Record the conversation without her knowing, if possible. Keep it impersonal and never raise your voice to her in the discussion. Avoid anything that smacks of a threat. Don’t lose your cool.
/r/Divorce_Men18/12/24 11:38 AM
1

Get a lawyer! He/she can ask for temp order deferral to get your ducks in a row. You need to reply with a rebuttal that is more favorable to you. Demand 50/50 (or primary) with legal custody with you especially if you have been primary caretaker. With that income disparity you should get some sort of child support and with geographic limitations. My own ex here in Texas agreed to reside in 3 contiguous counties to facilitate handoffs.
/r/Divorce_Men16/12/24 05:58 PM
2

One way to handle her threat: without telling her, change to an earlier flight. She’ll be unable to line up that lawyer in time to stop you and your kids.
/r/Divorce_Men15/12/24 10:31 AM
1

True that.
/r/Divorce_Men13/12/24 09:22 PM
2

There are other ways to handle that business division. Consider your child’s needs for financial stability. She can take out a loan to pay you the share. Or you can agree to a long-term payment plan. Or just get something else of value equal to your share.
/r/Divorce_Men11/12/24 07:26 PM
4

Doughnut, report her to the authorities for immigration fraud. I wish you well.
/r/Divorce_Men11/12/24 07:14 PM
1

Record that screaming. It gives you ammunition. Consider videoing it.
/r/Divorce_Men08/12/24 09:41 PM
1

If she has an income, and you don’t, you’re entitled to spousal support. Same if you have at least some child custody. Get your lawyer on it. And she can be required to pay for your lawyer in some cases.
/r/Divorce_Men08/12/24 09:39 PM
1

A private cs arrangement looks bad, I think. Many states have offices that accept payments and forward them. Those payments are recognized. It is in your best interest to do that. I wish you luck.
/r/Divorce_Men07/12/24 04:02 PM
2

That would be a wise move. She’ll be fighting long distance. She’ll likely have little or no standing for demanding custody but will be on the hook for child support.
/r/Divorce_Men05/12/24 05:29 PM
3

If she gets sole custody, it’s unlikely a geographic restriction can be imposed if her lawyer is any good. You need to fight such a situation and get shared custody.
/r/Divorce_Men05/12/24 03:18 AM
3

Your stbx is paying for her lawyer, and not you, right?
/r/Divorce_Men04/12/24 02:57 AM
1

Actually, as co-owner or co-renter, the original poster has full access to the residence at any time. (Unless there’s a court order. ) That includes breaking in if necessary …but only if she’s not inside, of course.
/r/Divorce_Men02/12/24 11:08 PM
6

Ask the judge to order her to pay for your lawyer. It’s a thing if one side is broke, to prevent steamrolling in situations like yours.
/r/Divorce_Men02/12/24 01:55 AM
2

Your lawyer should ensure to get a clause in the divorce agreement stating she lives in a contiguous county in order to facilitate custody sharing. If she moves further away, she is responsible for arranging the transfer…or the custody could be renegotiated. My decree in Texas had such a clause
/r/Divorce_Men01/12/24 10:01 PM
3

You don’t have to give her the house. Keep it. Have her move out.
/r/Divorce_Men27/11/24 10:06 PM
4

You could “fire” your lawyer (temporarily ) so you don’t need to pay him/het for reading your ex’s communications and getting involved.
/r/Divorce_Men27/11/24 08:54 AM
6

If your debts were incurred during your marriage, she can be legally required to assume half of them. You might consult a lawyer before signing a divorce agreement.
/r/Divorce_Men27/11/24 08:47 AM
7

Do you even have a lawyer? You’re hurting your chances of custody.
/r/Divorce_Men20/11/24 01:47 AM
5

Those boys aren’t yours, are they? Don’t fall in your sword for her.
/r/Divorce_Men15/11/24 02:56 AM
3

You should take the other half of the money out before she really gets greedy. Consider removing any valuables from the house “for safekeeping.”
/r/Divorce_Men11/11/24 03:50 AM
3

You should have the custody sharing agreement in writing, signed, maybe notarized, and approved by a family court judge.
/r/Divorce_Men09/11/24 04:19 AM
2

Don’t feel bad. You’re doing good by supporting your daughters in college. In a few years they will be in their own and your take-home income will jump. Feel proud of yourself.
/r/Divorce_Men07/11/24 05:52 PM
6

If you’re not ordered by the court to pay those house bills, then don’t.
/r/Divorce_Men07/11/24 01:56 PM
1

You can divorce her without her consent. She doesn’t need to agree. Get your lawyer to proceed in that basis.
/r/Divorce_Men07/11/24 02:34 AM
3

Yes,keep your retirement. And it’s very true that divorcees get the house quite often in the divorce, but eventually are unable to afford it, ending up house poor.
/r/Divorce_Men06/11/24 01:32 PM
2

Whatever happens, consider that getting a financial haircut only hurts in the short run. At your age you’ll easily make up any hardship in a few years. It worked for me. Great that the 50/50 custody split is agreed on. I suspect she’s happy to offload some of the child care duties while she’s in school. Regarding asset split, it’s all negotiable. For example, you can let her have all of the house while you keep a higher share of the cash. Or vice versa. (Maintaining a house while going to school…
/r/Divorce_Men05/11/24 10:34 PM
8

You can get her to pay for your lawyer since she has access to much more money than you. But you still need to get your soon-to-be-your-lawyer to file for it.
/r/Divorce_Men05/11/24 03:43 AM
1

What I did: I gave most of my funds to my lawyer to hold for safekeeping. So long as you and your lawyer disclose that money to your stbx, you’re fine and she cannot got hold of it unless the court judge permits it.
/r/Divorce_Men03/11/24 08:31 PM
1

That dresser was community property, right? You don’t need to pay for repair..unless she compromises elsewhere. It does appear she’s making out like a bandit financially. The default is a 50-50 split of marital. assets and marital debts
/r/Divorce_Men02/11/24 06:14 PM
2

If she’s working, she could provide some spousal support for youas well as splitting assets 50-50. But you really need to find a lawyer to pursue discovery in order to find out her financial situation. Sounds like she’s in a hurry to divorce, which gives you some bargaining power. Do not fall on your sword!
/r/Divorce_Men02/11/24 11:40 AM
4

You have my sympathy, but sign up a good divorce lawyer immediately. Your priority is to protect your relationship to your young children. It’s too late to fix your marriage, I think. Don’t chase her.
/r/Divorce_Men02/11/24 11:23 AM
4

Your legal argument in court is she forgave you since your extramarital thing happened long ago.
/r/Divorce_Men13/09/24 06:46 PM
11

She’s curious about you. Or more likely, she is looking for more more ammunition. Better keep a low profile.
/r/Divorce_Men11/09/24 08:29 PM
3

My ex divorced me just before my income increased considerably. She didn’t collect much. Though when she retired, she was entitled to a good size social security pension based on my income. That was fine with me, since it did not cost me anything.
/r/Divorce_Men11/09/24 05:54 PM
3

You’re in potential trouble without a custody agreement.
/r/Divorce_Men11/09/24 01:00 AM
3

You should get your lawyer to insert a clause in the divorce agreement that restricts residency to with a limited distance. In my case, she had to stay within 3 adjacent counties or else pick up the cost of my child’s transportation for shared custody.
/r/Divorce_Men10/09/24 04:53 PM
3

Why didn’t you replace the locks, or change door codes, on your house? Wondering. My ex came to my house a few times to take some kitchen things, not expensive items. After a while I told her to stop, which she did.
/r/Divorce_Men09/09/24 12:17 PM
3

Your house or not, you are still a parent and should live in the residence with your children in order to raise them…until you two formally separate.
/r/Divorce_Men09/09/24 01:47 AM
3

You should not move out of the house until formal separation and custody agreements are in place. Protect your assets too.
/r/Divorce_Men09/09/24 01:05 AM
0

Discarding women who don’t cook or clean seems way too irregular. Your standards are quite high.
/r/Divorce_Men08/09/24 10:54 PM
9

She’s in an affair fog. She’ll want to get rid of you ASAP. That puts you in an advantageous position when it comes to negotiating.
/r/Divorce_Men08/09/24 02:32 AM
3

Moving out is not a good idea. She should be the one leaving if she is unhappy with the situation. Just don’t fall down on your sword.
/r/Divorce_Men06/09/24 04:07 PM
1

My ex didn’t warn me. But I knew we argued quite a bit. I wasn’t very upset when she gave me the paperwork.
/r/Divorce_Men02/09/24 01:00 AM
1

Ensure you protect your assets in any case. But get a lawyer on your side immediately.
/r/Divorce_Men30/08/24 06:19 PM
9

Move back in to the master bedroom. She can move into a different bedroom. Insist on your right to sleep in the bed of your choice. If you are eventually forced to move out of the house, use it as powerful negotiating tactic to get something else if high value in return.
/r/Divorce_Men30/08/24 09:49 AM
6

Sheesh. Kick her out of the marital bed after the sex.
/r/Divorce_Men29/08/24 10:19 PM
6

“Take all the time she needs” is a poor approach. You should engage a lawyer and file yourself in order move it forward. Take steps to protect yourself.
/r/Divorce_Men28/08/24 08:53 PM
6

Cut her off from any joint accounts. Stop paying her bills. Change the locks or codes on your doors. You’ll need a lawyer to get the divorce done. She will have no say in it. Her approval or signature is absolutely not needed, but custody arrangements might need to be set up by the court. Explore filing for abandonment.
/r/Divorce_Men28/08/24 05:35 PM
2

Change any locks or passcodes. Protect your vehicles.
/r/Divorce_Men28/08/24 12:28 AM
1

Your ex can sleep with whomever she wishes, barring any physical/emotional harm to you your kid. Seeking revenge is not a good path to go down.
/r/Divorce_Men27/08/24 10:25 AM
11

Your stbx has that degree (more education than you have!) so she can work. Her income can be imputed. That could lower your child support and potentially alimony if the state requires it. Insist she stay in the area in order to facilitate exchanges. Sell the house, or insist she assume the cost of it. Don’t be collared into paying for it. If she insists on your leaving the master bedroom while the divorce is oending…make her leave instead. You will sleep in the bed you paid for.
/r/Divorce_Men27/08/24 01:32 AM
2

If your lawyer approves, yes.
/r/Divorce_Men26/08/24 01:17 PM
7

There is a legal term that comes into play when the other side persistently threatens legal action. It is called ‘vexatious litigant.’ The courts tend to look unkindly on it.
/r/Divorce_Men26/08/24 12:54 PM
0

She’s put you in a terrible situation. Note that, absent any sort of protection order, you CAN break into your own home. But it’s best to do anything like that when she’s not there!
/r/Divorce_Men22/08/24 05:59 PM
3

Just a reminder that, while the default assets and liabilities split is 50/50, it’s still negotiable, especially if there’s particularly desirable items.
/r/Divorce_Men18/08/24 10:15 AM
1

So what does your lawyer say? You do have a lawyer, right?
/r/Divorce_Men18/08/24 03:25 AM
1

My advice? Tighten up your finances immediately. Close any joint savings, checking, line of credit, investment accounts. Remove any easily carried valuables from your house. Remove any firearms. Empty any safe deposit boxes. Cry later. You have my sympathy.
/r/Divorce_Men17/08/24 08:02 PM
3

If I ever had to do it, first, I would send the kids outside. Then I would make a pot of coffee, set down with the stbx at the kitchen table, pour her a cup, and talk about it.
/r/Divorce_Men17/08/24 05:40 PM
2

My ex got the clothes washer and dryer. They were rusted and almost worn out anyway.
/r/Divorce_Men16/08/24 03:41 AM
5

She is well within her rights to take the children out of the country and make it very hard for you to share custody, unless you get legal help ASAP.
/r/Divorce_Men14/08/24 04:14 PM
7

The best option for the OP is sell the house.
/r/Divorce_Men14/08/24 01:06 AM
4

She can’t kick you out of your house simply because she wants to. You have the right to live in it, absent some sort of of protective order.
/r/Divorce_Men12/08/24 02:59 AM
1

Legally, you are still married. I think she has access rights to your house until assets and liabilities are divided in a divorce. You could, of course, change the locks so she needs to allow her in.
/r/Divorce_Men11/08/24 09:13 PM
6

My recommendation: be prepared for the worst. Talk to a lawyer and consider what might happen if she files. And separate your finances immediately. If she’s still living with her mother, change your locks… just as a preventive measure. The fact that only your name is on the mortgage is meaningless. Any home equity is considered shared.
/r/Divorce_Men11/08/24 01:51 PM
1

In divorces where one person has much more financial resources than the other, a judge can order that person to pay for the other’s legal fees. This prevents “steamrolling.” Talk to a lawyer.
/r/Divorce_Men10/08/24 12:17 PM
2

Can you get the judge to make her pay your legal fees?
/r/Divorce_Men09/08/24 08:11 PM
1

Before the divorce is final, a court judge can issue an order of protection, forcing you out regardless of who pays the bills. During the divorce process, the court can divide the assets with the house going to the ex. You can also divide the assets through negotiation. The most important aspect is you should not voluntarily leave on your own. It’s seen as abandoning the family and sets a bad precedent. I like to say that in most divorces it’s the wife who initiates it, so it should be up to her…
/r/Divorce_Men08/08/24 11:26 AM
7

I’ll add that you shouldn’t pay down debts. (Until afterwards.). You’ll split them with her.
/r/Divorce_Men07/08/24 09:34 PM
4

I’ll reiterate. Ensure you have ready access to funds that she does not have access to. Open up an account at another financial institution. Remember that YOU have no obligation to leave your house at this time. You can sleep in your own bed. She can move.
/r/Divorce_Men07/08/24 09:25 PM
4

Find that lawyer and budget for the split, just in case. Plan to remove her from accounts. Debts as well as assets can be divided. No need to pay that debt off at this point.
/r/Divorce_Men07/08/24 02:14 AM
2

The car debt was incurred during your marriage, right? She is obligated to assume half of the remaining balance, I think, even if her name isn’t in the paperwork. Debts as well are assets are usually split 50-50 but it’s still negotiable. You might consider renting an apartment without telling her, and move out when she’s working. And wear a body cam.
/r/Divorce_Men07/08/24 12:24 AM
0

If she is the one pushing for divorce, she (or her relative) should cover the cost. But yes, you’ll be liable for child support. Ensure you get the child custody you want. Try consulting with lawyers to get an understanding of this. Some lawyers offer free initial consultations.
/r/Divorce_Men06/08/24 10:21 PM
1

You just found out you had joint custody?
/r/Divorce_Men06/08/24 04:48 PM
1

The OP might consider opening up a credit union account and applying for a loan.
/r/Divorce_Men05/08/24 01:04 PM
1

No need to move out. After all, you’re half owner, right? You stay in the master bedroom. She can sleep elsewhere, since she is the one who wants to split. Then if /when you move out, never come back for those chores…unless she throws a sweetener of some sort into the pot to make it worth your while.
/r/Divorce_Men04/08/24 08:58 PM
3

I understand that in divorce situations where one party has significantly fewer financial resources than the other, the wealthier party can be required to pay for the orher’s lawyer. This reduces the likelihood of being steamrollered. There is also the concept of vexatious litigant. But to tell the truth, $4800 in legal fees isn’t an excessive amount. You may have the option of paying your lawyer’s fees with a credit card.
/r/Divorce_Men04/08/24 10:13 AM
5

Right, YOU stay. You occupy the master bedroom. She can move out. It’s her idea to separate, after all. Don’t fall on your sword. But you will need to pay child support. Separate and secure your finances. Talk to a lawyer ASAP.
/r/Divorce_Men03/08/24 01:38 PM
2

Affairs play almost no role in deciding divorce cases.
/r/Divorce_Men02/08/24 01:12 AM
1

What is the SPO?
/r/Divorce_Men01/08/24 09:26 PM
5

Exactly.
/r/Divorce_Men31/07/24 10:49 PM
2

My lawyer had a contiguous county clause to this effect added to our divorce agreement here in Texas. It was good he did so. If she moved away, she would have to arrange for our child’s transportation.
/r/Divorce_Men30/07/24 10:07 PM
4

Good for you. What gets to me are those men who sleep on the couch or in the basement while the stbx sleeps in the master bedroom. :( Seems to me she should do the move out of the bedroom if she files for the divorce. In mine, I insisted on sleeping in the MB with her, and it worked out ok because we didn’t really fight.
/r/Divorce_Men30/07/24 05:28 PM
6

If your lawyer hasn’t ok’d your move out…move back in! You run the risk of being forced to give the house to her.
/r/Divorce_Men30/07/24 04:09 PM
1

Sounds good…because you have considerable leverage if things go south. There’s a saying that works in your case. It goes like this: don’t fall on your sword.
/r/Divorce_Men30/07/24 01:44 AM
2

So you are still in the military? Are low interest loans available, or recommendations to good local lawyers? Make her prove that she’s in such dire straits she needs you to pay. Generally both of you come up with a listing of assets and liabilities.
/r/Divorce_Men30/07/24 12:28 AM
8

I’m not an expert on this, but she may be caught up in the affair fog. She’s vulnerable. By the way, don’t give her the house without getting something of similar value in return.
/r/Divorce_Men29/07/24 11:58 PM
3

Providing a little financial support to her is admirable, but not if it strains your finances so much. (Especially if she has a lawyer and you don’t! Where did she get the money?) You CAN still take out a loan or if worse comes to worse, use a credit card. I think you should. You need representation at this crucial time.
/r/Divorce_Men29/07/24 11:53 PM
1

Tell your ex NO. Man up. So your ex took your service dog? That’s cold.
/r/Divorce_Men27/07/24 02:11 AM
3

Do NOT let your sympathetic feelings to your stbx keep you from pushing for equal custody,and equitable split of finances (and child support if you are entitled to it)
/r/Divorce_Men25/07/24 07:18 PM
1

The end date ‘might’ be the date the divorce petition is filed. But a local lawyer is the best bet for accurate information.
/r/Divorce_Men23/07/24 02:25 PM
3

If you haven’t legally assigned the house to her yet, you have every right to move back in and co-parent your children in person. After the divorce, if house gets foreclosed on or up for sale, you can buy it back.
/r/Divorce_Men21/07/24 06:53 PM
7

Don not let your stbx prevent your daughter from getting together with you as you had planned. Demand your time if necessary.
/r/Divorce_Men20/07/24 07:15 PM
3

Just a note that the house you obtain for her should be in your name, right? You have the right to live in it if you choose. But it also sounds to me as you you’re giving too much away. I mean, giving her the car? What will you drive? I’m
/r/Divorce_Men15/07/24 03:31 AM
4

Not to stay in the house? Chances are, the house is equally yours. She can move out. Her mental wellbeing is her issue alone. Just my opinion.
/r/Divorce_Men15/07/24 02:57 AM
2

YOU don’t need to move out for a trial separation. She can. You appear capable of paying for a place where she can stay.
/r/Divorce_Men14/07/24 07:11 PM
1

I think you need to mention any house equity, and maybe ages and values of your cars. Amounts in savings and checking accounts?
/r/Divorce_Men13/07/24 10:26 PM
1

Assets and liabilities are negotiable. However if the parties are unable to reach an agreement then a trial judge makes the decision based on state laws. You don’t want to go there. Lawyers fees eat up any money you have. (My advice: find out what assets she values the most and use that as a negotiating tool. (Offer her something to sweeten the pot if you are at an impasse. ) You should have stopped putting money into any joint accounts a long time ago. Pay any joint bills from an account only y…
/r/Divorce_Men11/07/24 08:54 PM
1

I don’t think that will matter.
/r/Divorce_Men11/07/24 08:26 PM
4

The judge is likely to say that, since you’re currently paying the bills, it should enshrined going forward even after divorce. Separate your finances. Support your children. Don’t pay her bills. Pay your own and any joint bills. Are you talking with military lawyers?
/r/Divorce_Men11/07/24 12:52 PM
4

You might consider having your stbx communicate through your lawyer instead of directly to you. I am not sure about your reference to Furiosa.
/r/Divorce_Men10/07/24 04:08 PM
1

…only if she finds out about your increased income and pays her lawyer to investigate it. Some exes won’t bother.
/r/Divorce_Men10/07/24 04:05 PM
1

$1700 is inconsequential. Cash it out.
/r/Divorce_Men09/07/24 10:16 AM
3

Get help from your chain of command. There’s lawyers to help.
/r/Divorce_Men09/07/24 12:53 AM
2

Avoid taking on any of your stbx’s student loans! That is a yuge can of worms.
/r/Divorce_Men08/07/24 12:26 PM
2

My ex was desperate for cash when she signed the paperwork in 1994. I gave her $2k plus more than half of the household possessions, which weren’t worth much.
/r/Divorce_Men05/07/24 10:20 AM
3

Tell that attorney you’ll move out in 6 months…but you also need a plan B with a deadline if your stbx can’t buy you out.
/r/Divorce_Men04/07/24 10:54 PM
3

You’re plan B. A backup
/r/Divorce_Men04/07/24 03:40 PM
1

Right. I understand you can’t go to court for an adjustment until your income actually decreases. Good luck!
/r/Divorce_Men04/07/24 12:06 PM
2

Since she moved out, and custody arrangements have been okay, your lawyer can point out that that the separation has been working and it is “in the best interests of the children” to continue as per the temporary agreement. A good lawyer should seize upon this arrangement to put it into the final decree. Arranging to split equity can be worked out as others here suggested.
/r/Divorce_Men03/07/24 10:42 PM
1

Without a custody agreement or a court order, either parent can take the kids elsewhere.
/r/Divorce_Men01/07/24 06:34 PM
3

I believe in this case a person’s earnings can be imputed. He or she may still be required to pay support based on the presumption the payor deliberately reduced earnings.
/r/Divorce_Men27/06/24 06:52 PM
1

If you default on the mortgage, the default will drop off your credit report after 7 years. I defaulted in 1990 and qualified for a new mortgage in 1998.
/r/Divorce_Men25/06/24 10:30 PM
2

I gave about $10k to my attorney to be held in escrow. His attorney fees were deducted from it. After the divorce was finalized, he returned what was leftover, perhaps 6 thousand dollars. He did well for me.
/r/Divorce_Men25/06/24 02:15 AM
7

I think you should change the locks on your doors, get her off your financial accounts, cancel any joint credit cards and file for divorce. She’s declared war. You might have a claim to custody or visitation, but that may be futile at this point. I suggest you stay calm when communicating with her so possibly you have a chance of seeing your granddaughter in the future.
/r/Divorce_Men18/06/24 01:39 PM
1

If you are still on the lease, you have every right to enter the apartment when she is not present, and ‘liberate’ carefully chosen items.
/r/Divorce_Men17/06/24 04:47 PM
2

You didn’t say where your children went. Did your wife take them with her or did they stay?
/r/Divorce_Men13/06/24 10:05 PM
2

Some basics. I don’t know if this stuff has been negotiated already, but you can still tweak the decree. Ensure your assets and liabilities are appropriately divided. If you have 401k accounts or qualify for pensions, offer your stbx cash or other assets to keep those retirement accounts intact. If you have children, ensure you split custody 50/50 or even more in your favor if possible. Get a clause restricting residency to your contiguous counties to make custody transfer easier. Make sure you …
/r/Divorce_Men13/06/24 03:06 AM
5

I’ve done well after our divorce. After abandoning a house, seven years later I qualified for a mortgage and bought a modest house on my own 26 years ago. I still live in it and retired in 2015. Now comfortably with a live-in girlfriend.
/r/Divorce_Men12/06/24 03:22 PM
1

Try having things in your basement that she likes. Toys, dolls, games, television, food…maybe a bed for her if she doesn’t have one.
/r/Divorce_Men08/06/24 03:41 PM
2

I think you are within your rights in the current situation to demand to see your children. I won’t tell you to bring them back home. Some people do that. But your lawyer can get the court to require your stbx share custody.
/r/Divorce_Men07/06/24 01:25 AM
6

I would not let her stay for a year. A couple of weeks, maybe, if she contributes financially. It’s over.
/r/Divorce_Men06/06/24 03:47 PM
3

My guess is she’s depressed. I suspect stay-at-home moms go through that much more often than not.
/r/Divorce_Men06/06/24 08:31 AM
2

Only fork over the $15k at the time of the divorce paperwork signing. All debt and assets must be listed and assigned to the respective person. It sounds more and more like there are multiple ways you could get shafted. “Her divorced girlfriends are giving her pointers…..” you need somebody on your side.
/r/Divorce_Men05/06/24 03:29 AM
2

You can research your state’s divorce laws online. I strongly recommend you schedule a lawyer’s consultation in order to understand your options. Your wife’s noncitizenship is a BIG red flag.
/r/Divorce_Men03/06/24 04:15 PM
5

Agreed…call it quits on the marriage and move on. She’s already declared her opinion.
/r/Divorce_Men03/06/24 04:08 PM
0

Send that message if you are still on speaking terms.
/r/Divorce_Men03/06/24 04:06 PM
6

I think your ex needs your approval before she can change the legal last names of your children, but it may depend in local laws. I myself would not like it, even if the children are not your own, considering you raised them.
/r/Divorce_Men03/06/24 12:13 PM
1

I got 50-50. If you can’t get it, there have to be negative factors in play.
/r/Divorce_Men03/06/24 02:02 AM
5

Stand fast! Insist on local custody. You ARE entitled to 50-50 in Texas. I like to use the phrase “Don’t fall on your sword”. It appears you are not. I am not sure if the court will allow her to waive her child support right. Ensure that the waiver-if approved-is included in the final agreement if it goes through.
/r/Divorce_Men02/06/24 03:23 PM
3

I some states, like Texas, (when I divorced), the person with higher income must pay CS, even with 50/50. The amount is based on the income disparity.
/r/Divorce_Men02/06/24 02:29 AM
2

Ensure that your lawyer inserts a clause to restrict her residence to your contiguous counties. If she moves further away, she’ll be responsible for transportation to meet custody requirements.
/r/Divorce_Men31/05/24 03:09 PM
1

Your posting is a bit confusing. If the case was dismissed, does that mean the divorce was cancelled? “Dismiss refers to the court's decision to terminate a court case without imposing liability on the defendant.”
/r/Divorce_Men30/05/24 12:42 AM
1

There’s a phrase I learned early on with my divorce. “ Don’t fall down on your sword!” Look on divorce as a matter of business
/r/Divorce_Men29/05/24 03:52 PM
2

Don’t fall in your sword! Laws may be different where you live, but in general you are entitled to 50 percent of the marital assets regardless of assets brought in to the marriage. If she cannot pay you your share of the home equity, it should be sold. Debts are split equally. Similarly you should get 50 percent child custody. All this should be specified in the final divorce agreement. Yo need a good lawyer in your side.
/r/Divorce_Men29/05/24 10:17 AM
3

Visit the three main credit agencies’s websites. There’s instructions.
/r/Divorce_Men27/05/24 12:48 PM
3

You need a lawyer who’s on your side and is familiar with state divorce laws.
/r/Divorce_Men27/05/24 12:45 PM
1

Avoid talking about conflict issues with her until both of you reach a steady state. Concentrate only on your kids and custody sharing.
/r/Divorce_Men26/05/24 04:27 PM
2

Why not you keep the house? The kids still have continuity with 50-50. So many women assume ownership post-divorce and end up house poor.
/r/Divorce_Men25/05/24 10:56 PM
4

My advice? You DO need a lawyer. Go into debt if you have to. He/she can determine the amount of CS according to state guidelines. Don’t go by what your stbx demands. That child custody support agreement will protect YOU.
/r/Divorce_Men25/05/24 04:57 PM
2

You have my sympathy! One way to get your truck back is giving the keys to a good friend and have him drive it off. Don’t have the keys? Have a tow truck haul it off and have the locks replaced. This avoids DV accusations, I think. Your name on the title should be sufficient.
/r/Divorce_Men24/05/24 01:59 PM
1

A good lawyer should push to get you the house. He / she should make the point that women are too often awarded the house but find themselves unable to afford it. Those adult children you mention are irrelevant to the situation. (You have lined up a lawyer a long time ago, by the way. )
/r/Divorce_Men23/05/24 11:32 PM
2

Don’t ask for dating advice. Your lawyer isn’t your social counselor.
/r/Divorce_Men23/05/24 06:08 PM
2

What AirSailor said. Like this: get $100 one way or another, visit a bank or credit union, and open up both a savings and checking account. Then set up your paycheck’s direct deposit into that new checking account. Ensure your stbx does NOT get access. Use a PIN-protected debit card instead of checks
/r/Divorce_Men21/05/24 08:54 PM
4

Whatever happens, you should take steps to preserve whatever financial resources you have, and prevent her from draining them.
/r/Divorce_Men21/05/24 08:07 PM
2

If those loans took place after the filing, I think debts incurred after filing for divorce are the sole responsibility of the borrower.
/r/Divorce_Men20/05/24 04:51 PM
4

If you own the house, pay utilities, have not been legally barred from entering, if it is your residence, and if the address is on your driver’s license, you have every right to enter it. You have the right to hire a locksmith. If there is no legal agreement to divide the household items, you have the right to remove them. You’re falling on your sword. Man up.
/r/Divorce_Men20/05/24 03:37 PM
1

Step number 1: LOCK UP your finances. Ensure she has no access! Move your bank accounts to other banks or credit unions. If you have joint credit cards, pay off and cancel them. Open your own. Trade in your pricey car(s) for cheaper payments. Most lawyers offer free divorce consultations. Learn your state’s divorce laws. DO NOT move out of the house. If you own any firearms or bladed weapons, get them out of the house. Consider giving them to your new divorce lawyer for safekeeping.
/r/Divorce_Men19/05/24 11:04 PM
5

Telling his wife about the affair could boomerang on you. Your stbx could get out from her affair fog and turn vindictive. Only do it if you can gain something. Giving her financial support outside of a temporary decree and any mandated child support provides her with ammunition to delay the divorce and also demand more money post-divorce.
/r/Divorce_Men17/05/24 11:42 AM
2

You should list all assets and debts. Those assets she took should be listed and their values totaled. That value should be deducted from that 1 k she’s demanding. You really need a lawyer (although in the scheme of things, 1k isn’t much.)
/r/Divorce_Men17/05/24 02:18 AM
2

First identify what your state laws are regarding assets and financial separation. Any children? Then there’s child custody and child support to consider. A mediator isn’t necessarily going to word these factors in your favor. He or she is pushing for agreement. Sounds like mediation might not be in your best interest.
/r/Divorce_Men16/05/24 10:14 PM
8

Looks too late to get back together. DON’T fall on your sword at this point. Stay on speaking terms. Treat the divorce as a business agreement. Work on an equitable arrangement based on state laws.
/r/Divorce_Men16/05/24 09:13 PM
2

You might end up being required for your daughter’s transportation costs, depending on the wording of the agreement.
/r/Divorce_Men15/05/24 02:00 AM
2

My advice: lock down your finances. Separate any accounts.
/r/Divorce_Men14/05/24 12:23 PM
1

In your case, you need to be selfish. Lawyer up. Get out of the relationship.
/r/Divorce_Men13/05/24 08:57 PM
1

Your situation is better than most. I wish you luck.
/r/Divorce_Men12/05/24 10:43 AM
3

You can ask the court to mandate child support from her, since her income is higher. But work with your lawyer first. Don’t move out yet…except as a last resort. Document any abuse.
/r/Divorce_Men12/05/24 10:36 AM
1

Take this approach and run with it! Great that you two can still talk to each other.
/r/Divorce_Men11/05/24 04:11 PM
3

Insofar as a higher child support amount may come out of his pocket, the result is he has a bit less money to spend on you two. Your financial situation doesn’t come into play. But he is obligated to support his children. Standing by him as you do, is a good thing.
/r/Divorce_Men08/05/24 03:07 PM
4

Know California’s divorce laws Get yourself a lawyer regardless! She could throw out MANY curveballs. Yes, you should respond within 30 days or be hit with a default judgement. Use your lawyer to respond. Don’t agree to anything from her unless it’s in writing.
/r/Divorce_Men06/05/24 10:06 PM
1

So the divorce agreement is not in place yet? Demand more custodial time.
/r/Divorce_Men05/05/24 02:42 PM
2

My guess is the gasoline had too much water in it.
/r/Divorce_Men05/05/24 02:29 PM
11

Step 1: create another bank account in totally different bank. Set up your payroll deposit to that account. Ensure she doesn’t have access to it.
/r/Divorce_Men01/05/24 10:08 PM
2

Do you get copies of the business’ income tax returns? I suspect your stbx and mother might be doing something with earnings and valuation. You might need a forensic accountant, depending on how much the business is worth.
/r/Divorce_Men29/04/24 09:30 AM
3

I divorced in 1996 in Texas, so state policy might have changed since then. I got 50-50 custody all right, but my son’s legal residence was with my ex. It hurt that I traveled for work. My lawyer negotiated her residence had to remain in 3 contiguous counties. If she chose to move further away, she would need to pay transportation costs for my son. It worked to keep my son nearby.
/r/Divorce_Men29/04/24 03:21 AM
1

Good information. Thanks for the post.
/r/Divorce_Men26/04/24 03:01 PM
1

If you had lawyer when the divorce was negotiated, he/she sucks.
/r/Divorce_Men24/04/24 11:36 PM
4

You could both contractually agree to keep owning the house jointly, then sell the house at some future time and split proceeds. Typically, that might happen if any children reach 18. Real estate can be an investment for both of you.
/r/Divorce_Men24/04/24 11:46 AM
1

What’s a 50B? Sounds like a country or state-specific thing. These posts are being read all over the world.
/r/Divorce_Men18/04/24 06:44 PM
1

In the U.S. and many Western countries an arranged marriage is treated the same as any other marriage from a legal standpoint. If your situation is based on a particular culture with different norms, there’s usually a great deal of societal influence that comes into play. It sounds like you’re in that situation.
/r/Divorce_Men16/04/24 02:27 AM
11

Oh yeah. Change the locks to your place.
/r/Divorce_Men16/04/24 01:27 AM
1

It’s reasonable if both sides agree to it. The judge will likely go along with your choice.
/r/Divorce_Men11/04/24 02:20 AM
2

What you’re saying is true. Throwing your ex a bone to make the settlement mutually agreeable can be worth it.
/r/Divorce_Men10/04/24 10:32 PM
3

Reason for divorce is irrelevant. You are still entitled to custody sharing. At the very least, if you can’t get that, weekend custody half the time. But you may need to cut back on the workload. You might get child support given the income disparity.
/r/Divorce_Men08/04/24 05:18 PM
2

Keeping the house in your name—with her living in it —after the divorce, can lead to problems. Better to just sell it and split that equity “equitably.” Or keep it for yourself. She will get child support from you. No need for extended alimony, I think (unless the state requires it.) It’s an excuse to avoid finding work. I’m assuming you obtain at least some custody sharing, right?
/r/Divorce_Men06/04/24 12:59 PM
1

I am not sure what RSU’s are, but divorce is always expensive. But it’s worth it.
/r/Divorce_Men05/04/24 10:02 PM
4

If she never contributed financially to the marriage, it’s justification for her to claim financial support from you. No, I don’t believe she can have any claim to the house since you brought it into the marriage.
/r/Divorce_Men05/04/24 02:03 AM
4

YOU NEED A LAWYER. IMMEDIATELY.
/r/Divorce_Men01/04/24 12:59 PM
2

An alternative: Move to a state that has weak alimony laws.
/r/Divorce_Men26/03/24 02:49 AM
-1

That new man should be irrelevant to you. Keep the exchange business-like.
/r/Divorce_Men21/03/24 01:35 PM
2

Cancel those joint credit cards immmediately.
/r/Divorce_Men21/03/24 01:30 PM
4

Consider filing yourself. Lock down your own finances. Consult with divorce lawyers to determine your options. Consider what sort of custody sharing you want. First consults are usually free.
/r/Divorce_Men19/03/24 02:30 AM
1

Yeah, child support for 4 kids with that income disparity is going to hurt. But go with it. Be there for your children. I acknowledged my CS obligation (with a similar disparity in Austin). and I am glad I did.
/r/Divorce_Men16/03/24 10:42 PM
7

I think even your address on your driver’s license is proof you live there. But watch out for arguments from them. Don’t antagonize, but also don’t fall on your sword. Get a lawyer, file for divorce (not just separation) and have her move out instead of you. Edit: get rid of any firearms or knives.
/r/Divorce_Men16/03/24 04:35 PM
4

Talk with a couple of lawyers to understand your state’s divorce laws. First consults are often free. My point is: don’t fall on your sword for her.
/r/Divorce_Men16/03/24 12:19 PM
4

Sounds good. From now on, view your relationship as purely business.
/r/Divorce_Men14/03/24 08:03 PM
7

Get the hell away from that woman! Have nothing to do with her. Except through your lawyer. You sound financially well off, but your lawyer will tell you if you can claim spousal and child support, given the income disparity.
/r/Divorce_Men14/03/24 07:35 PM
4

Sounds like you’re in the middle of a shitshow. You said you’re giving up your share of the house equity? You should get something of equal value in return. Don’t roll over. Those guns your stbx’s lover has? You might seize upon that as a danger to your kids and use it as a negotiating strategy.
/r/Divorce_Men12/03/24 08:00 PM
2

Right. A lawyer(or solicitor?) can work to get whatever you need out of the house. About passwords…can you just get them reset? Most online businesses in the States have provisions for doing that. Or you can open new accounts.
/r/Divorce_Men10/03/24 09:17 PM
3

Lawyer up one way or another. Consider driving to the kids -with a police escort for safety. Get her to sign a custody sharing arrangement. The longer you let this slide, the harder it will be to get ANY custody arrangement.
/r/Divorce_Men07/03/24 08:12 PM
3

The benefit of dragging it out? One reason is to get the soon-to-be-ex in a financial bind (a good lawyer will file for a temporary support order though). Or to get the stbx and her lawyer frustrated at the slowness. If she wants to get out of the marriage in a hurry to take up with another man, she might compromise on the financial settlement. Note that you should take pains to preserve your right to custody sharing here.
/r/Divorce_Men26/02/24 03:46 AM
3

You do realize that leaving the family home and kids, rented or not, weakens any negotiating power you have? Until any separation agreement is signed, you have the right to move back (absent any history of family violence.)
/r/Divorce_Men25/02/24 09:46 PM
1

Sounds pretty good, but everything is negotiable.
/r/Divorce_Men25/02/24 08:12 PM
4

You can get clause in a Texas divorce agreement that your kids must remain close by, in order to enable custody sharing. In mine, it was in the 3 counties surrounding Austin. If she moves further away, SHE must cover the kids’ transportation.
/r/Divorce_Men25/02/24 08:12 PM
1

Many lawyers will offer the first consult ffree. Do several of those! I did, and learned a lot. Bring your paperwork and a summary of your finances, and ask as many questions as you can. You’ll learn what your state laws are regarding divorce. If you need the truck for your work, no judge would award it to her.
/r/Divorce_Men25/02/24 08:08 PM
2

YOU follow the court order. Refuse to return your kids until the specified time. And document her failure to follow the court order
/r/Divorce_Men08/02/24 09:55 PM
8

RUN! FAST!
/r/Divorce_Men08/02/24 09:43 PM
5

Consider filing for divorce in the state whose divorce laws tend to favor fathers.
/r/Divorce_Men07/02/24 02:02 AM
2

No, it’s not a state law. If you leave your children’s home without a mutually agreed upon custody plan in place you run the quite real risk of losing primary or shared custody and getting only every second weekend “visitation.” Your doctor’s note is good evidence, but not a fix. YOU are under no obligation to leave the marriage bed or residence. I think you’re under the impression the man must give up all rights. No so! (In my divorce, she moved out. I helped her.) But ensure you take pains to …
/r/Divorce_Men31/01/24 01:33 PM
6

Do NOT move out and leave your children behind. It will affect your custody sharing. YOU are also entitled to sleep in the master bedroom. If she objects….it’s up to her to sleep somewhere else.
/r/Divorce_Men31/01/24 04:04 AM
8

Your wife clearly planned her exit for a long time! She’s way ahead of you. Get yourself a good lawyer pronto. DO NOT give her anything unless you get something from her..in writing and from HER lawyer Oh, yeah: change your locks ASAP. You’ll come out fine. It will just take time to work it through. Keep it business-like. Don’t let emotion interfere with your negotiation.
/r/Divorce_Men30/01/24 09:25 PM
1

Good work! My Texas divorce in ‘96 also worked out well for me in the long run, although it wasn’t much fun initially.
/r/Divorce_Men20/01/24 11:49 AM
3

Always step up for your children. Stay in their lives. Pay your obligated child support… but insist on at least 50–50 custodial sharing.
/r/Divorce_Men15/01/24 12:14 AM
0

Sounds like you can make a good case for demanding child support.
/r/Divorce_Men08/01/24 02:32 PM
4

Another thing: move any weapons (firearms, knives, numchucks,etc) out of the house.
/r/Divorce_Men08/01/24 02:27 PM
1

Heck, make HER leave the marriage bed and sleep somewhere else. YOU stay put in that bed.
/r/Divorce_Men06/01/24 12:18 AM
5

$4k in wedding gift money is small potatoes, inconsequential. You might demand something else in return (that she doesn’t value as much) for giving it to her. It sounds like the money situation is pretty much a wash. But your kids are so much more important. I suggest 50/50 custody with a limitation on each other’s distance, such as living in the same county or adjacent counties. That makes custody sharing so much easier.
/r/Divorce_Men06/01/24 12:09 AM
3

The 401k split is negotiable, as is everything else in a divorce. Always consult a lawyer first before agreeing to a settlement. And divorce laws vary considerably from state to state or country.
/r/Divorce_Men01/01/24 01:58 PM
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