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JustSomeDude7287 Archive

View 6 posts and 293 comments by JustSomeDude7287 on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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10

Not done yet, 22 months in the process. It’s a turd that won’t flush. You feel the sense of all the weigh that kept you down gone. This is what freedom feels like. Imagine being told you make them feel trap then coming to the realization you were the one trapped and being gaslighted. Its phenomenal!!!
/r/Divorce_Men01/11/25 01:38 AM
3

I’m lucky that I got out before then? Count my blessings!
/r/Divorce_Men10/10/25 10:20 PM
2

Doubt it but I will ask. Not enough 401K to take a loan.
/r/Divorce_Men10/10/25 12:34 AM
1

Thanks for this! Haven’t heard of a loan assumption - will look into it. Patience is unfortunately is unheard of with her. I expect her wanting a lump sum but I’ll figure it out.
/r/Divorce_Men09/10/25 11:23 PM
1

In this way can you take her off the loan without refi?
/r/Divorce_Men09/10/25 07:37 PM
1

1M, owe about $600k.
/r/Divorce_Men09/10/25 05:17 PM
6

Find an attorney. Start the process to file for divorce. She’s already planning her exit. You should too.
/r/Divorce_Men19/08/25 03:10 AM
2

She can’t allow you. You are allowing her to make these decisions for you. Time to pick up and become strong for yourself. Get legal support. Come here to vent. Msg me. It’s not easy, but it helps knowing there’s others who’s going through similar circumstances. Stay strong.
/r/Divorce_Men08/08/25 07:46 PM
1

You’re not hiding it. It’s about respecting your future partner. Yes, we all have a past and everyone should acknowledge that. Do we want to see the past? - probably not. It hit your emotional different when you see things versus hearing things.
/r/Divorce_Men08/07/25 11:31 PM
2

What makes it worse is that they won’t let you divorce them peacefully. It’s like you left me now I’m the victim so I shall be vengeful. Bitch you’re the one who cheated.
/r/Divorce_Men08/07/25 07:35 PM
12

Could it be how we are raised different? Men are taught you have to be tough like warriors. We’ll have to face ourselves inevitably and change. Women are taught to find a man for protection and provided for. So they never see anything wrong with themselves it’s always the men. They don’t really know what independent means but throws it around like “boss babe” My ex refuses to change too, but blames men for everything wrong in her life, and yet continues to chase after them.
/r/Divorce_Men19/05/25 03:34 PM
3

There’s no need to know more. You know what you know the proof isn’t going to change a damn thing. It could make it worse, ruminating thoughts. File for divorce now while she’s with the guy so she gives you an easy divorce. It’s always easier when they have their affair partner (AP). He’ll probably ditch her once he realize you are leaving her and she expect him to take care of her.
/r/Divorce_Men16/05/25 02:38 PM
2

There’s a lot of change happening due to the advancement of technology. Everything is at your fingertips. We’re all chasing external validation in order to feel worthy. In order to find love, one should start with self love.
/r/Divorce_Men07/05/25 04:52 AM
1

We’re too used to not recognizing achievement of progress that’s why when something bad happens it destroy all the progress we make. When you feel really down it’s your body (nervous system) needs to self regulate. You try to maintain strong all the time but internally you’re fighting a demon no one knows. At least that’s how it is for me. I try to be strong for the past 18 months and two weeks ago I finally broke down crying. But I didn’t blame myself I let myself feel the pain. Once that’s don…
/r/Divorce_Men02/05/25 08:55 PM
3

If you survived yesterday you can survive today. When the time gets dark tell yourself “one more day”. Fight for your kids. Like others said, suicide may end your pain, but all it does is pass on your pain to the generations after you - your kids. It’s fucking hard, I get it, you think hey I’m doing better then some shit comes and it’s like fuck here it goes again. I would say look at what you’re doing and start making minor tweaks to it. See what works and what doesn’t. Journals how you feel th…
/r/Divorce_Men02/05/25 08:46 PM
3

It is always scary when this idea comes of divorce. Ask yourself what is scarier - living like this for another 8 years or use the next 8 year to build the life you know you deserve? What you’re feeling is normal and rightfully so. Divorce is a huge impact to your life. Mortgage - that can be sold or one buy the other out. Joint bank is split although you should plan on taking 50% as soon as you file Dog - she may want custody to get at you unless you start documenting what you do taking her to …
/r/Divorce_Men02/05/25 06:04 AM
11

I started with the high road, now I’m at the partial truth. I haven’t said we are getting a divorce because she cheated. I do let them know the things they are going to hear is not true. I am going to have to do things I don’t want to do because she forced me. It was not my intention to have them get involved in adult problems, but I do not want to lie to them.
/r/Divorce_Men27/04/25 12:15 AM
1

All good, I wrote it in a haste and anger honestly. I could’ve provided more context. I agree it’s never right, that’s what my stbxw is trying to do to me. So now I need to protect myself.
/r/Divorce_Men22/04/25 12:31 AM
1

I used to think like you. I’ve always been the bigger person, however now it’s time to protect myself. She has zero respect nor care about what her actions will do to me. If you always do what’s right and be kind, people will always take advantage of you. There comes a point in time where you have to show them they took your kindness for granted. It’s not that you’re evil, it’s that you don’t wish to be but you can be when time comes.
/r/Divorce_Men21/04/25 01:11 PM
2

It make sense. I was there too for the past year. My response was mainly to the first commenter. I had the capacity to do the unthinkable, but I did not want to. However, in the past month I found out her evil cunning plan. Now I have to do what’s for my best interest. I’m not sure why but us men just want it over and move on. But the woman or in general both gender the betrayer always make things worst. Best of luck to you.
/r/Divorce_Men21/04/25 01:17 AM
1

Is it dumb, misguided or naivety? I’m addressing both comment. Every situation is different, and everyone experience is never the same. Know who you are dealing with and really remove the past “because I loved her” emotion away from it. They no longer care so why do you need to? Again, if it’s amicably obviously you wouldn’t use this law. It’s for those who have hope and continue to get screwed over each and every time. Correct, she’s the mother of my children and will always be that. And likewi…
/r/Divorce_Men21/04/25 12:00 AM
1

My advice is don’t be nice, get an attorney, be firm with everything push everything through with the legal system. It’ll cost more money but being nice and trying to work things out without trial delays the ending. Start wearing a body cam, or install cameras in the house. Only talk through email or a parenting app, no text msg or verbal. Texts aren’t as great since it can be edited. Best believe if she can screw you she will. Trust no one.
/r/Divorce_Men19/04/25 11:44 PM
4

Hold the fucking line!!!!
/r/Divorce_Men18/04/25 06:05 PM
17

You’re absolutely doing right. Don’t let them take an inch, hold the boundary.
/r/Divorce_Men18/04/25 05:36 PM
6

This made me tear up a bit. You’re not alone, glad you realize that, it helps knowing there’s those who came before and after. Grief. Don’t try to cover the pain, you have to feel each and every emotion and let it through instead of compartmentalizing them. Start therapy, write on here/journal helps to get the thoughts out, go to the gym it’s nature antidepressants, find things that make you happy - self discovery. The next couple weeks will be the hardest, but I guarantee it will get better. On…
/r/Divorce_Men15/04/25 10:02 PM
3

That’s the problem with mental illness. Impulsivity, lack of regards for boundaries, me, me, me, power and control. The law doesn’t apply to her only what she wants apply. You’ll never understand why even if you accept she has a personality disorder. Since we can’t behalf like that our mind just can’t comprehend their behavior. There’s a saying they may be “x” old but they act like a 2 year old throwing a tantrum. It’ll be a long road, good luck, I’m in with you.
/r/Divorce_Men15/04/25 02:10 PM
2

Of course she would. You stick to that boundary.
/r/Divorce_Men15/04/25 01:49 PM
7

Loonies always pushes boundaries. Would it be better for the kids though? If not, say no. Or you can propose let’s see if her behavior improve in a month then YOU can consider it. Giving her the possibility but let her know it’s your decision
/r/Divorce_Men15/04/25 04:13 AM
6

This is too broad of a question. If there’s nothing monumental why is there a separation? Two people who got comfortable and disconnected? Relationship, a healthy one, takes two committed individual. Perhaps, a break will let the two grow and reflect of their downfall. There’s a possibility there right or we would hope. Gloves usually comes off when both individual feel shame in some way, becomes defensive, take everything said or done as a fight then it just becomes a battle with no end in sigh…
/r/Divorce_Men12/04/25 08:03 PM
5

Yes, you can. I just did the same, I packed them nicely took pictures before and after. Of course consulted with my attorney prior. Where you may be viewed poorly by the judge is if you just throw them away.
/r/Divorce_Men12/04/25 12:16 AM
6

Let FREEDOM ring!!
/r/Divorce_Men07/04/25 10:43 PM
4

I haven’t been keeping track until this made me think. 22 months since, in June would be 2 year since DDay. Understand that healing isn’t linear some days you’ll be like shit. Just make it through those minutes, hours, day. As you say it gets better and does as you continue to work on yourself. Stay strong!
/r/Divorce_Men06/04/25 01:30 AM
2

She initiated divorce, let her deal with the consequence of her action. No longer your partner do not entertain extending a hand unless they ask you can consider it but I would advise against it.
/r/Divorce_Men05/04/25 07:56 PM
8

Quality over quantity. That’s the difference women will think they have more options and they do; however it’ll be hard for them to find the quality of men. Divorced men will work on themselves to be the partner they desire then they will meet that person.
/r/Divorce_Men03/04/25 04:55 AM
3

You need a better attorney. Sometimes it’s good to take preemptive actions so you can tell the narrative. Ignore anything until they file with the court otherwise it’s a waste of your time and attorney cost. Gray rock her and only talk to her about the divorce or kid. Once they get bored of you, you’re not fighting anything, they strive on chaos. Then they’ll leave you alone it gets worse before it gets better. Been living with her for 10+ years in divorce process for 1 year and 4 months while u…
/r/Divorce_Men31/03/25 09:36 PM
6

Had kids with her, it was the next progression, though something told me she wasn’t the one. But old me would’ve stay for the kids if it wasn’t for the infidelity.
/r/Divorce_Men31/03/25 02:30 AM
2

He’s trying to convince himself through you that he was ready. With his circumstance, there’s probably not a lot of woman who is empathetic to his situation as you are. It’s not easy for guys to get matches. If he had told you initially about his circumstance he did consider your feelings. I’m in the same boat as him. It’s a rollercoaster even if he’s over his ex, there are days you ruminate about the past and how you get here fall in a state of depression that you don’t want to speak to anythin…
/r/Divorce_Men29/03/25 10:10 PM
3

Move. Get sunlight, just move. Staying in place makes it worse, any movement helps. When you ruminate about the past you’ll be in depression and worry about the future you’ll be anxious. Ask yourself telling them your story - what will that accomplish? Would it change anything that happened? Will you see them again? If they are close to you then sure but if it’s people you hardly see, imo doesn’t change anything. You may be looking for closure but none of that gives you closure. Write it down as…
/r/Divorce_Men29/03/25 08:11 PM
0

From what I was told my attorney, the court is likely against that so you would have to get that agreement between you two to avoid court. Court looks at what is best for the children, so selling a home leaving both parents homeless creates a problem. One has to buy the other out. I do agree that would make things simpler.
/r/Divorce_Men28/03/25 07:30 PM
1

Length of marriage doesn’t have anything to do child support. It does with alimony. Usually under 10 years marriage you’re in the hook for half depending on negotiations. And obviously who makes more or if income is similar. Talk to a mediator if you guys are amicable rather than going with your own attorney.
/r/Divorce_Men28/03/25 05:25 PM
1

Any outlet to let your anger out is good as long as you’re level headed and know right from wrong. Which you display. I know it fucking devastating to be the one who’s righteous while dealing with someone who thinks they are above everyone. It’s us who have to go through mental hurdles to come out in one piece. It’s not easy and the road is long. It’s nothing anyone can phantom without going through it. Stay strong, brother.
/r/Divorce_Men25/03/25 04:27 AM
5

“Man up and deal with it” is saying stop being a bitch. Men don’t cry. It’s the delivery of what he said. He may mean well but it comes out as be an “alpha male”. We’re human and there’s emotions evolved. Yes, man up and work through it, come out stronger. Showing vulnerability does not make you lesser of a man. It shows the strength of a true man being able to understand yourself and the complexity of the human body/brain only then you can level up to be a better individual.
/r/Divorce_Men23/03/25 05:12 PM
4

I would recommend getting it in writing to avoid any changes and let her know it’s to protect her as much as it does you.
/r/Divorce_Men23/03/25 01:50 AM
3

Unfortunately, this is not unusual as you may believe. Look up hysterical bonding. That’s what you two are doing, it’s not healthy but it has to go through its course. She’s moving out 4/1 so just cut it off then without creating unnecessary drama is my advice.
/r/Divorce_Men23/03/25 01:49 AM
16

I started to picture the day I meet her new guy, not the AP he’s gone. I’ve thought of saying: 1 - I appreciate you more than you ever know (taking the wretched woman away from me) 2 - Whatever she said it’s true and smile. (Her playing the victim heard she’s saying I was abusive, never laid a hand on her) 3 - When this is over you want to grab a beer and know the truth, call me (bc I know the shit she’ll put him through) I probably won’t say anything but introduce myself and move on. Not my cir…
/r/Divorce_Men23/03/25 12:44 AM
7

Yes, you are. You’re too nice and being abused while making excuses for her and well being of the kids. No fault to you, we’re taught that as men we make the decision and specially our vows. We’ll take it to the grave. I suffered this, for 12 years, though I wouldn’t say she constantly belittle but to what you described yes. I was always the low income earner even though we made the same. She never knew what I did or bring home. I resonated with your story would say 90% of it. Eventually she’ll …
/r/Divorce_Men21/03/25 05:28 AM
20

It’s normal to be griefing. Your life has shattered right before you Give yourself a few days to go through it, set “x” days for intentions and purposes. Say after that day, I will let this go. Know it will take a few months, took me 2 months, to get sleep and appetite to be somewhat normal Go speak to a few attorney, find an aggressive one, if you speak to those most reputable around you, they may not be able to retain for your spouse if you got to them first. Retain one. Have your financials a…
/r/Divorce_Men18/03/25 03:51 PM
3

It will not be amicable. However time is on your side when they are in affair fog and would like your marriage to be over asap to go on and life a happy and forever ending they thought it will be. Don’t do anything to stir up drama just give her a divorce. Once it’s signed, the choice is yours to blow shit up.
/r/Divorce_Men18/03/25 01:36 PM
5

That’s sadly the only thing you can get. You could sue the AP for emotional alienation I’m not sure how far that can go. Turn up his life if he’s married or they work together, etc. they torch yours why let them get away scratch free?
/r/Divorce_Men18/03/25 01:32 PM
3

Take deep breathes. Do not show weakness. Be firm. It is a hard and difficult journey ahead. What she’s doing now speaks volume of the person she is. Stop putting her on a pedestal. She’s only who she is because of the value you put on her. When you become indifference and realize the crap she put you through, she’s an ordinary basic woman. I get you don’t see that now, I wished I did, it’s a blessing for you and the kids. Life will get better after the storm.
/r/Divorce_Men17/03/25 05:10 PM
9

“Out of town to find herself” - sorry man, she’s with someone else. Been there and heard that. I hope I’m wrong, but often it’s the same story. Start looking out for yourself - health, mental, spiritual, physical and financial. Look up attachment theories, read some self help book, start consulting a few lawyers to prepare yourself. Find a therapist or a group. You’re not alone, it’s okay to get help and talk about it. Don’t fall for the sunk cost fallacy. Don’t play the Pick Me Dance. Don’t fal…
/r/Divorce_Men17/03/25 04:00 PM
1

Get a lawyer and protect yourself. Do not engage in sex, she might try to get pregnant. These people are so deranged it’s baffling. When someone threaten you with divorce, accept it and move on. It’s no longer a partnership at that point because marriage is sacred - you can’t go around I want a divorce this and that. It’s a hard lesson learned.
/r/Divorce_Men16/03/25 01:42 AM
1

Bro.. she makes more, she wants you to put the mortgage and rent an apartment. Did I read that right? Go consult 3 attorney, have your financials roughly ready including tax returns. If she makes significantly more she’s on the hook for certain things such as alimony and child support. Don’t think as a husband anymore think as of a business partner. Do the best for you and your children because guarantee she would do that to you.
/r/Divorce_Men11/03/25 02:58 AM
1

Sometimes when you skim these forms it seems daunting but when you start doing it, it’s not that bad. You’re absolutely right no one knows this best then the person completing it. Then the lawyer will review to ensure it’s properly done.
/r/Divorce_Men09/03/25 05:36 AM
1

If you separated and can prove this isn’t part of martial asset then no issue. Can this be traced as part of your W2 or however you report tax? You could sign the check and deposit to another person you write gift to “name” and sign. If you open a new account it’s on your credit score and they can file discovery or simply ask you for it before taking the legal route.
/r/Divorce_Men06/03/25 06:53 AM
4

It’s better to raise kids in two happy homes than one toxic home. You’re being manipulated and abused so badly. Take some time and reflect is this how a person should be treated. No fault to you, we take an average of 7 tries before we can leave a toxic partner. Do you want your kids to think this behavior is acceptable? And since one is younger it’s better wouldn’t know what living with mom and dad is like. You know the answer that’s why you’re on here.
/r/Divorce_Men05/03/25 05:35 AM
1

https://www.reddit.com/r/Infidelity/s/5pwfiY2Mfj Read this post
/r/Divorce_Men02/03/25 04:26 AM
3

You need to speak to an attorney not reddit, too many variables. I’d start documenting her alcoholism and video recording if legally possible. Install cameras in the house. Call the cops when she becomes incoherent - as a record for child custody. Specially if she starts driving under the influence, it sucks, but you need to prepare how far you want to go.
/r/Divorce_Men02/03/25 04:11 AM
9

Man the fuck up and go work on your relationship with your wife. Go see a marriage counselor so you both have a safe environment to talk about the relationship and what you both need and want from it. You’re saying your wife is the best and does everything, yet you aren’t appreciative and a bad husband. I supposed the best you can do is leave her but you’ll destroy that loving woman because of your selfishness. You got 3 kids, a wife who supports you. Stop looking at the 20% that you’re missing …
/r/Divorce_Men01/03/25 10:43 PM
2

Complete the form and gather it all supporting docs and give it back to your lawyer. The lawyer will review for accuracy and completeness before you stinging it and he submits to the other lawyer. You shouldn’t exchange any legal paperwork with your ex that is part of the divorce process.
/r/Divorce_Men01/03/25 04:36 PM
9

Hysterical bonding really fucks us over. Stop it and start living separately as individual, your future self will thank you for this decision.
/r/Divorce_Men01/03/25 01:51 AM
4

It’s all future faking to get you to rug sweep the whole situation. If she’s using guilt then she’s not being accountable on her side and doing DARVO on you. It’s time to move on, sadly. People don’t change unless something drastic happens and this is one of those events, however if they aren’t willing to change then it’s not as severe for her as it is for you.
/r/Divorce_Men26/02/25 10:52 PM
2

Heard that before!
/r/Divorce_Men26/02/25 10:50 PM
1

Projection at its finest. Imagine the reason someone behave a certain way because they feel something is wrong instead of talking to their partner.
/r/Divorce_Men24/02/25 04:17 PM
1

Yup. Too late for me, lol. All life lessons. Trust no one.
/r/Divorce_Men20/02/25 08:07 PM
11

What they say now means NOTHING. 1. Stay put (sleep in another room) - could be used as you abandoning the primary resident, story twisted 2. Start talking to a lawyer 3. Document everything 4. Recording if it gets worse She’s in affair fog so she’ll say whatever that sounds amicable and get you to be the sweet nice guy you are to listen to her. Watch when she doesn’t get her way how she acts that’ll tell you her plot. I was in your shoes and listened/agreed to what was settled between us. As so…
/r/Divorce_Men20/02/25 07:29 PM
1

Happens to all of us. I’ve been having a crappy week. You think you’re making progress then something triggers and you’re fuck me. You miss the idea of who she could’ve been in your head, the version that you made up. It’s easier to fantasy so we forget of who she is in reality. Stay strong. Keep moving forward.
/r/Divorce_Men20/02/25 06:30 AM
0

Burying yourself in work won’t help, you’re distracted. Best to take time and understand the emotion and labeling it. Let it through you. Healing isn’t linear, some days are good and some days you’re a fucking messing. Have your diet changed? Sleep? Routine? Sometimes small things have a big impact and we don’t realize it.
/r/Divorce_Men19/02/25 05:24 AM
3

Valid concerns. The more kids you have you would also have less time for each other - depending if you have support of raising kids from either of your families. More kids more expenses. Having more kids to save a marriage is a bad idea. If your gut is telling you no, trust it, I didn’t. Perhaps go to marriage counseling a place where you two can talk openly with a 3rd person navigating.
/r/Divorce_Men19/02/25 05:21 AM
4

Have she started the suicidal ideation? Been there. Go no contact and don’t look back.
/r/Divorce_Men16/02/25 04:52 PM
25

Well said. Time to hang up the cape of Captain Save A Ho.
/r/Divorce_Men16/02/25 04:51 PM
2

How about newspaper? Thought I read somewhere that may be enough evidence for the judge showing you attempted everything. Yeah, grief sucks. Either chair you sit at you think the other one is better. Don’t ask for closure what she did was closure to your relationship. My stbxw is trying to take everything from me including my life if she could. When she screwed up everything but now she’s the victim.
/r/Divorce_Men16/02/25 03:21 AM
6

Couldn’t you proceed with divorce without her contest? I don’t think you understand how you got the easy of it. Yes, being betray sucks but going through a divorce with the devil is way worst. I’m 13 months in with no ending in sight. I rather have her run off than trying to prove our financials.
/r/Divorce_Men16/02/25 03:02 AM
3

I only regret not doing it more publicly, served her at home. Should’ve served her at work and let the server says here’s for cheating!
/r/Divorce_Men16/02/25 02:59 AM
6

She kept saying to do it and wouldn’t be the one. So I went ahead, she didn’t expect me to do it.
/r/Divorce_Men16/02/25 02:20 AM
5

She’s trying to see what works to keep you because she doesn’t know how to be authentic. Leave and don’t look back
/r/Divorce_Men16/02/25 02:08 AM
13

There are trespasses that you don’t forgive and this is one of them. Fuck the forgiveness is for yourself when you’ve been dealt this. Never forgive never forget. You can move on still.
/r/Divorce_Men16/02/25 02:02 AM
3

Depends where you live, she can’t block you access but there’s stories that they do get that vindictive. My first suggestion is go talk to a lawyer, a few actually, and get their advice to address your concerns. You leave for your son to show him that you don’t have to be a doormat. Show him what a real man does when he’s not respected otherwise he’ll grow to be in a relationship as yours because that’s his “norm”
/r/Divorce_Men12/02/25 05:53 AM
2

I was listening to this podcast and it spoke about ED. Three major causes could be stress, inflammation and insulin. Diary of a CEO with Dr Benjamin Bikman, haven’t finished it but wanted to share.
/r/Divorce_Men10/02/25 08:19 PM
8

It is psychological and normal. I’m 35 and after being betrayed it’s fucked me up. I’ve changed my lifestyle and the healthiest I’ve ever been. Might start considering looking into sex therapy at this point. It doesn’t maintain, goes limp, doesn’t get erected, etc. like you say once the thought comes in it’ll happen. So you need to distract yourself without getting that thought. I heard people being prescribed 5mg of cialis and it works. You take it daily so it’s always in your system, helps reb…
/r/Divorce_Men10/02/25 01:14 AM
24

They will not admit it because that would break the fallacy of their belief that they were right. It doesn’t matter if they regret it or not. What matters is that work on yourself and becoming better.
/r/Divorce_Men09/02/25 02:22 AM
7

She’s afraid to confront herself and lacks accountability. Sounds like an immature toddler like my ex. She’s gaslighting you. I’d say she have a personality disorder sounds like my ex. I’d recommend giving her what she wants. It’s pointless you trying when she’s checked out. Be free and live a happy life away from someone this toxic. I understand as men we like to fight for things such as marriage, family; love, etc. some fights are just prolonging the suffering. You’re not getting a trophy for …
/r/Divorce_Men31/01/25 03:05 AM
5

How have things been recently? Seems really odd. It does sound like nonsense and with that projection. Maybe she’s trying to get out of the marriage or already did so this is her ticket out… just thinking the possibilities.
/r/Divorce_Men31/01/25 02:17 AM
2

You have enough as a start. An hour isn’t really enough for them to go through everything, but they’ll take your words for it. Be honest and transparent to get the advice of what you think you deserve and what you can possibly get.
/r/Divorce_Men26/01/25 04:41 AM
16

You handle it by expecting it at all given time. Just like a pestering fly landing on your shoulder. Brush it off and move on. I know it’s easier to defend and I fall short on being indifference. They are annoying. I constantly get messages “I don’t want your parents watching the kids. This is the last time I’m telling you”. When she have her parents and siblings watching them. These cake eaters are scums. Remember JADE - Don’t Justify, Argue, Defend, or Explain. As much as you can.
/r/Divorce_Men25/01/25 11:45 PM
3

It varies but take it an hour or more when it’s convenient. Don’t try to take it right before because it does take some time. Helps you have a harder and last longer erection. Can get it up for seconds and third faster. You do need to get aroused. It doesn’t make you hard on its own. It blocks certain blood flow that’s the purpose to help last longer. Help me last an hour+, and in 30-45 mins I was ready to go again.
/r/Divorce_Men25/01/25 01:59 AM
3

My friend, your ex is gaslighting you. Stop listening to her and educate yourself on what a narcissist truly is. The fact that you are questioning yourself and believing you are a narcissist MEANS you are NOT. You have to start standing your ground and stop being a people pleaser. You have low self esteem and think by being nice will get you what you deserve. The saying treat others how you want to be treated is false stop believing that. You show others how they can treat you not how you want t…
/r/Divorce_Men18/01/25 08:21 PM
8

Let it out. Feel the emotion then have it go through you and become even a better man.
/r/Divorce_Men14/01/25 03:54 AM
3

Have you considered(?), no homo.
/r/Divorce_Men14/01/25 03:53 AM
2

Can’t blame the AP, for all we know they were lied to. Even if they were not, they do not owe us anything, the person who made the commitment to us was the betrayer.
/r/Divorce_Men10/01/25 06:14 AM
7

Here’s another way to look at it. It could be 5x better. I filed in January, as a way of starting a new life without a lying cheating wife. It’s because we have attachments to things once you remove the attachment to dates, months, food, lifestyle, and people you realize it’s what value we put into it that makes it important. Otherwise it’s just another ordinary day and the especially the person you put on a pedestal - ordinary, nothing special. They are special because you made them special in …
/r/Divorce_Men02/01/25 04:12 PM
11

STAY THE FUCK AWAY!!
/r/Divorce_Men01/01/25 11:13 PM
1

I doubt you would get cameras installed in a house you don’t live in. You might as well take full custody if you are concerned. What about outside the house? There’s no playbook, imo, but I’m no expert. If you can get it to be her idea and that you are a bad partner maybe then you can get away clean. It’s easier if they feel like they are in control, the one that left you. Because how dare you leave them.
/r/Divorce_Men31/12/24 04:20 AM
9

At the beginning I thought it could’ve been amicable. Soon learn it was all future faking. As soon as I filed divorce that she wanted but didn’t want to do. She did a 180 and now is after me when she cheated. Same story as most in this sub. We’re not on talking terms barely talk about the kids schedule. I don’t hate her, but I won’t forget the shit she’s doing. I did initially forgive her but she continues to make things worse. I’ve come at peace with the shitty person she is and happy this will…
/r/Divorce_Men30/12/24 04:47 PM
1

Since it’s public party I assume you can invite your friends, but you said you’re new here so you probably don’t want people knowing your personal life. Alternatively, fuck it, bring us whoever is local. Divorced men unite! I personally wouldn’t go since I would be doing my own celebration with my son. Just explain it to him that it’s a new normal. You can celebrate with your son and create new traditions you’re not obligated to go to her party then watch her expect you to pay for some of it. Pe…
/r/Divorce_Men29/12/24 06:35 PM
5

There’s no need. You guys aren’t in a relationship anymore what you do is your business not hers. While you’re intertwined because of kids - that’s all there is, kids related subjects nothing more. You should make an own commitment to yourself to when you’ll let a new potential partner meet your kids. Recommend is 6-12 months minimum, you don’t want to keep introducing new people to your kids. Are you sure you’re ready for a new commitment as well? Or would you rather just date casually without …
/r/Divorce_Men28/12/24 09:59 PM
2

Solid advice. Sorry you’re going through this and OP. Life changes and people often don’t know how to look inward so they start going external. Finding someone during these time and it kick starts off hormone imbalance then it’s like a person you never knew took over your wife. The more you chase the further the gap. Do a 180 of what you would do and you may have a chance.
/r/Divorce_Men27/12/24 03:50 AM
1

That’s why you have to take everything with a grain of salt online - everything is monetary. I’d say I forgive myself for being blinded for the many years and letting them walk all over me. I wouldn’t say I forgive them for what they did to me and continue to do. There’s a bit of anger and resentment I would agree but it’s not a big part of me. She once told me to give her one last conversation and then she’ll leave me alone. 10 months later a 180 and dragging the divorce as slow as possible not…
/r/Divorce_Men26/12/24 11:00 PM
2

I could see that. You think it could be that during her time predominantly men were diagnosed narcissistic while women are borderline? It applies to both gender so I don’t focus on the pronouns. I disagree she is angry there’s video where she talks about forgiveness and she have yet to forgive those who wronged her. So I can understand where the anger comes from. I can related like I’ll never forgive my ex or her family but I don’t hold hate - If that makes sense.
/r/Divorce_Men26/12/24 10:15 PM
2

I have an attorney whether he’s good or not, hard to say no experience in this matter. I’ve been told it’s a slow process and if the other party doesn’t cooperate it can take long. Both our names are on the house so can’t just do what you suggest. I’m still liable for the house even if I moved out and there’s more to it than I care to explain. She does her thing I do mine. I don’t help her financially albeit she doesn’t contribute to the mortgage or utilities but we’ll get credit for that on dis…
/r/Divorce_Men26/12/24 08:10 PM
2

Thank you. That is on my list of cons for dating. I know it’ll set her off. It’s okay for her to do this but if I do, how dare I? She goes out when I have the kids and I’m doing the same, but to your point I completely understand given I know who I’m divorcing.
/r/Divorce_Men26/12/24 06:32 PM
2

She is. She’s weaponizing them. My 2nd is the messenger for her even though we have a court monitored parental app to message each other. I’ve asked her multiple times and even told my attorney to tell her to stop using our son as a messenger. She even went as far as “take pictures if you see people drinking and smoking” when I took our kids to a Friendsgiving. Some people are shell of a human without remorse for the action they do. It’s quite baffling.
/r/Divorce_Men26/12/24 06:18 PM
3

You’re welcome. There’s some good YouTubers content that helps understand them more. You need to move toward indifference and just expect them to get worse so that way you’re like “oh that’s expected, moving on”. You’re dealing with a toddler in an adult body. Just picture a kid crying when she throws a fit. It’s sad, really. Dr. Ramani (she’s direct and says it for what it is) Dr. Fox (I like the way he explains very easy to understand) Prof Sam Vaknin (diagnosed narcissist, a bit hard to follo…
/r/Divorce_Men26/12/24 06:12 PM
1

I did all that and am doing that. I’m in the best physical shape, mentally and somewhat spiritually. I’ve worked on myself for the past year including “graduated” from therapy as per my therapist, lol thought that term was funny when she said it. I get the whole wait but I refuse to put my life on pause waiting for the divorce to be done. I filed a year ago in Jan, it’s almost time to celebrate its birthday in a few days. We haven’t moved the needle, she’s dragging this out for no reason than tr…
/r/Divorce_Men26/12/24 06:08 PM
17

She more than likely has a personality disorder which revolves around being egotistical. The world revolves around her and only she can be happy everyone else should be miserable. She thought this decision she made would make her feel happy. Picture her as a black hole, sucking in everything to fill a void that cannot be filled. It’s ironic, that we the betrayed partner in the end gets what they so called wanted “freedom”. I’m in the same boat if that helps. It doesn’t get easier regardless what…
/r/Divorce_Men26/12/24 05:38 PM
1

You’re doing the right things and as is she. There’s really no “when is it right to do x”, we know that it will inevitably happen. You’re hurt because obviously you still love this women and haven’t fully accepted that your marriage is over. It’s okay to be hurt but don’t lash out on her or anyone. Talk to your therapist or use here to vent as you are. As for not paying for the house you both own, you are legally entitled to get credit for it at the end of the dissolution of the marriage. There’…
/r/Divorce_Men26/12/24 05:22 PM
4

They won’t. The law is one thing and what one believe is another. There’s outside influences if she speaks to friends who’s been divorced or a crooked lawyer who promise her the world. My advice is don’t have high expectations that this will go as you want, otherwise you’ll be smacked in the face. Unfortunately the kids will be hurt in the cross fire that’s unavoidable. You have to put yourself in the best position to provide and take care of the kids. You can’t trust your wife that she’ll do th…
/r/Divorce_Men25/12/24 07:19 PM
4

It’s not odd. You just are with an emotionally unavailable person who thinks sex = love. Leave and move on. Stop forcing something with someone unhinged.
/r/Divorce_Men23/12/24 01:07 AM
5

I’m sorry to hear all this bullshit you’re going through. It must be hard. Grappling at straws to stay afloat isn’t easy. There’s got to be something you can do and I’ve heard stories where judges order the other party to stop wasting time with false allegations or there will be consequences. This judge sucks. The way I see things if we give up is that we give up on our children and let the other partner give false narrative to the children which is more harmful and you may never be able to turn…
/r/Divorce_Men22/12/24 07:07 PM
4

Brother. What you do for others you now need to start doing for yourself. Love yourself like how you love others that’s when you know what that feels like. Your worth is not decided by others. It is by YOU. Love yourself first it is not being selfish. The most important person in your life that you’ll ever be with is YOU. Who will never you regardless? - YOU!!
/r/Divorce_Men21/12/24 05:00 PM
11

you’re doing the best you can, give yourself grace thinking you’re falling short. The reason why you care so much is because you’re hoping someone would do that for you. We often treat/love others as how we would like to be treated/loved. So we end up giving and giving until the end. You have to learn how to say No, and if she refuses, go court, get full custody and get child support. It’s time to set boundaries.
/r/Divorce_Men21/12/24 05:36 AM
1

We wouldn’t be here if it wasn’t.
/r/Divorce_Men20/12/24 10:41 PM
8

You call her STBXW or EX. It helps to put a label on it so you can process. You’re currently stuck living in the past and anxious about the future. That’s why you’re feeling like you’re going through the motion. It’s how I figure a zombie would be when I was at that stage. You’re just there without any purpose other than knowing you must survive. Takes a lot of work and understanding the emotion, the pain, fear, anxiety, depression, grief, anger, sadness, and happiness. Like others commented, th…
/r/Divorce_Men20/12/24 03:42 PM
1

His 25 to life helped me https://youtu.be/Ngng8UyyaGQ
/r/Divorce_Men19/12/24 04:10 AM
1

Oh I know. I’ve been there. It sucks. Don’t let the darkness consume you. Reach out if you need a friend
/r/Divorce_Men19/12/24 01:13 AM
2

The saying “hate is like you drinking poison and expecting the other person to die”
/r/Divorce_Men18/12/24 10:21 PM
3

Bro, don’t touch him either. They file a police report you lose your kids. It’s not worth it. I get the anger, it’s part of the grief stages. You did everything right and you were dealt with a shitty hand. I get it. What can you do? Nothing. Let the past stay in the past. Move on, it’s hard, but take it day by day. Feel the emotion and let it go through you. Don’t hold it. You want her to feel what you feel? It won’t happen but what you can do is prove that you’re better off without her. That’s …
/r/Divorce_Men18/12/24 10:20 PM
2

Typically but they can file for an extension and drag it out. Best of luck.
/r/Divorce_Men17/12/24 08:49 PM
6

He’s an adult so you just have to deal with her and martial estate
/r/Divorce_Men17/12/24 08:49 PM
2

She didn’t reply it’s typical personality disorder crap. DARVO. I sent her a lengthy explanation and get one or two word response. She got that main character complex take pictures post online for guys to say omg you’re so pretty! But gets disgusted by men hitting on her. It’s baffling to me.
/r/Divorce_Men17/12/24 06:42 PM
14

Her: sends me a provocative selfie Me: you look seductive Her: seductive?! How can you not see the pain in my eyes? You’re fucking showing your tits! This happened.
/r/Divorce_Men17/12/24 06:04 PM
1

Exactly. She was never that person. In the end of the relationship they show you who they truly were all along. You were too blinded by “love”.
/r/Divorce_Men17/12/24 03:05 PM
18

You come to the realization that you are in love with a version of her in your mind, made up, the potential she could had been, not the person that is in front of you.
/r/Divorce_Men17/12/24 03:59 AM
5

Going through a divorce, haven’t finalized and will take 1-2 more years due to high conflict. Went out yesterday to get to know someone wasn’t really an official “date” but to get to know each other - which is a date. But whatever. Being able to go out and redoing the whole dating while seems exhausting there was a thrill to this. It’s like shit I am desirable, I do have charm, I have confidence in asking her out without fear of rejection. She initially said no because thought I just wanted inti…
/r/Divorce_Men16/12/24 08:32 PM
3

“How can you love yourself if you don’t love others” is another saying. I do agree we should learn to love ourselves so we need to look at how we treat others because that’s a direct reflection of what we need to do to ourselves.
/r/Divorce_Men16/12/24 08:27 PM
3

Can I join? I make a mean carbonara!
/r/Divorce_Men16/12/24 08:25 PM
2

It’s more of a mindset if you’re doing all that. Have you work on your mental prowess? You’re doing everything right but are you doing it for the right reason or because it feels like the right thing to do? I feel like you you’re blaming yourself too much on the failure of the marriage. You haven’t forgiven yourself. Give yourself grace brother. We all don’t want to build a family to have it rip apart but this is life it never the way we envision it. Try doing 75Hard challenge it’s good for buil…
/r/Divorce_Men15/12/24 11:09 PM
3

I understand the feeling. You have to start working on yourself. There’s going to be days you feel stuck, ask yourself is that how you want to feel all the time? Of course not then get to work. Work on yourself. If you’re going to do the same thing as you been you will get the same results. Wellbutrin won’t fix your problems, you have to. You’re not a failure. It’s a set back, be that guy again. Be the guy who future you would thank you rather then waste the days dreading away.
/r/Divorce_Men15/12/24 09:08 PM
1

Thanks for sharing. I’m over it. I think I just had to let it out so I became rational again after I posted and read the feedback.
/r/Divorce_Men12/12/24 03:54 AM
2

You just got out of a relationship, it’s normal. If you weren’t feeling anxious then there’s something wrong. You might feel anxious for a number of things. Feeling cute and butterflies is considered bad too. Do you feel safe and at peace with this girl? That’s what you should ask yourself.
/r/Divorce_Men11/12/24 04:21 PM
3

Better to move half to a new account, get all your ducks in a row before you file. Not a lawyer but you would get credit but if there’s no asset or she doesn’t have funds - you’re out of luck. Better to be in control than uncertainty.
/r/Divorce_Men10/12/24 06:34 AM
3

You can find ways to answer without “lying”. Their good. Who’s watching the kids - when you’re out “they are with their mom”. Only people with self awareness will pick up you say their mom instead of “with the/my wife”. I’ve told my boss and he’s been accommodating but that depends on your relationship with them and coworkers. Some of them know and no one really cares honestly. I get the advice keep your personal life that all depends on you and the circumstances. If you hang out with them after…
/r/Divorce_Men08/12/24 10:36 PM
3

For sure, you’re 10000% right. I feel better writing this out and reading feedback. I won’t persuade this. Will let this ride through court.
/r/Divorce_Men08/12/24 03:16 AM
3

Fair. I wasn’t going to tell them anything other than show her claims against me. I’ll look into this thank you for sharing.
/r/Divorce_Men07/12/24 08:05 PM
3

It’s easy. I have so much evidence on her. She had 2-3 fact or rather dates to substantiate whatever claim. It’s all bogus. Anyone with a brain should be able to read it and laugh.
/r/Divorce_Men07/12/24 06:16 PM
2

It doesn’t have to be after the wedding that trouble was setting in. I knew she wasn’t the one from the get go, however I was too young and stupid. We had kids, and it wasn’t a bad relationship, until recent years. Everyone always asked me why I picked her, guess I was blind, now I can see why. For the sake of family I stay and let things slide to keep the peace - lots to work on for myself, therapy helped. Captain save a ho complex. Advice don’t save no damsel. With the way women are now, stayi…
/r/Divorce_Men07/12/24 05:00 PM
1

That’s a general ratio doesn’t mean it’s right. Averages. I’ve had less than 20, my stbxw is a cluster B, diagnosed with BPD by a psychiatrist, but I’m starting to think it’s NPD. Smear campaign, anger toward me when she betrayed me/family with the affair, victim shift, no accountability, doesn’t help pay for the mortgage or household expenses but live here, dragging the divorce just to get “back” at me because I didn’t rug sweep, weaponizing the kids, and alienation.
/r/Divorce_Men06/12/24 06:16 PM
4

It’s not cheating. I get the reason why you believe that. It is a complication agreed. I did it after 4 months from filing for divorce. While it help, I still feel empty. I felt nothing during it, and it was also hard because the whole trauma so you do get some ED. Another thing to thank the stbxw for.
/r/Divorce_Men05/12/24 09:03 PM
1

Exactly here. Didn’t want anything but the kids custody 50/50 then now it’s 180. I’ll take every penny from you!
/r/Divorce_Men05/12/24 04:53 AM
1

Ain’t that the truth
/r/Divorce_Men05/12/24 04:44 AM
3

Same here. She was diagnosed with depression and anxiety then later BPD. I’m sure there’s some NPD in it, same cluster B characteristics. It gets much worst the longer you stay.
/r/Divorce_Men04/12/24 07:08 PM
6

He’s right. You take them back, they lose respect for you and will do it again. End it now and rebuild rather than waste more time. It’s not just with one person. It’s 4! That’s cheating 4 times, let that sink in. And you don’t even know what you don’t know.
/r/Divorce_Men04/12/24 07:07 PM
9

Do you really want the answer? They can’t talk to us because they are cowards. The actual term is avoidant but pretty much people who lack emotional intelligence and self centered.
/r/Divorce_Men04/12/24 06:23 PM
5

The game she’s playing is to make you lose it then she can have evidence of you. Whatever that may be. Stay in control. Focus on yourself. I know there’s things we want to say or do because of how they act. It seems unfair that we got the short end. It’s life. Nothing we can do about what happened, but we can choose how we move forward. I despise my stbxw as much as any who got betrayed. I refuse to stoop to her level. And they’ll hate you for it because they are envious of how empathetic we are…
/r/Divorce_Men03/12/24 08:28 PM
2

Start journaling everything and every day so you can use it when needed. She can say whatever she wants it’s what can be proven. Don’t let her gaslight you in believe her bullshit. The more she pushes you to no contest or finish quickly it is because she knows if you decide to be smart about it, she won’t get everything. Don’t be afraid of the scaring tactics!
/r/Divorce_Men27/11/24 07:15 AM
4

Together 12. Going through divorce 11 months now, living together. I’m over it after 6 months discovering her affair and tried to work through it but I saw the lack of accountability so I filed for divorce. Everything that happened after was only icing on the cake. Proved to me the horribly lying manipulative person she is. Glad I saw through her fake begging and crying for “one last chance” “sorry for everything” “last talk and I’ll leave you alone” all BS.
/r/Divorce_Men27/11/24 05:09 AM
2

Why not? Maybe they can do pro bono? I heard of a similar case where an attorney had a home to pick and did it for free. People work better if it’s passionate toward something.
/r/Divorce_Men25/11/24 01:37 AM
3

See if you can get the cops to pull her over then you’ll have proof to use in court? I’m not sure what else may be an option.
/r/Divorce_Men19/11/24 09:50 PM
4

You may not remove her from your health insurance yet because you’re technically married. I mean you could nothing stopping you, but it may look bad on you if it goes to court. Consult with an attorney.
/r/Divorce_Men07/11/24 03:48 AM
3

Proceed with the divorce. You could change the locks when it’s your week and replace it when it’s hers. Though if both your name is on the mortgage it may be a problem. Have her know if she doesn’t abide by the agreement then you’ll tell everyone about her affair - assuming you haven’t told many people. Just proceed to sell the house, if she’s being a shitty person, mine is doing the same, I have to pay everything. Ignore her don’t even talk to her unless it’s about the kids. Find things that an…
/r/Divorce_Men03/11/24 09:05 AM
5

Well written, hits home. Thank you. We’re not alone.
/r/Divorce_Men03/11/24 03:16 AM
8

It’s better this way, she made the choice to leave while you’re shattered. It’s better than being a contentious divorce, try wrapping it asap before she changes. I’m not a success story (yet), still in the the divorce process. However similar message as “ if it’s meant to be, etc” turns out she was having an affair and kept me strung along. Actually I kept myself because I didn’t want to break the family dynamic until I snapped out of it and saw her for who she really is. Not to be a pessimistic…
/r/Divorce_Men27/10/24 05:41 PM
2

Of course brother. No one wants to build a family and let it collapse. It was our distorted view in life and expecting our partner to have the same - which at the time I’m sure they did, but people change or some say the mask falls off eventually. Remember the things she’s doing now for one day when she comes back asking to rekindle. Remind yourself because you will be weak when that moment come. You will have to make the strong choice of saying no which could take all the strength in you - it m…
/r/Divorce_Men26/10/24 08:06 PM
2

Thanks for sharing. It will get better, in fact, it HAVE to.
/r/Divorce_Men25/10/24 08:02 PM
4

I wish I served her at work too and have them say “you are being served for having an affair failing to uphold your vows” so when she does her smear campaign it useless.
/r/Divorce_Men25/10/24 08:02 PM
3

Where you located? I’d give you a hug and a meal. Scared that your kids won’t know a real family dynamic is - well, to that I say, your kids will now know the strength and boundaries to fight for what is right and live a fulfilling life. Being resilient in life for all the good and bad, don’t suffer through something because of a fallacy. You did not nothing, nor should change, what you gave to a person was incapable to provide the same in return. It’s not a judgement of your character but their…
/r/Divorce_Men25/10/24 08:01 PM
2

Start preparing, it only get worse. Speaking from experience all that I shared. Before we split it was future faking and promise it’ll be amicably “I’m not that evil” well if you and the devil were to compete you may have him beat.
/r/Divorce_Men19/10/24 10:42 PM
10

Projection at its finest. She’s trying to find a reason to not be the villain. She found the dumbest thing if there’s no other texts msg only a picture and cute. She been cheating and this is her ticket out. When you confront her about her infidelity it’ll be because you did this, you made me do this, always you making her. She’s not a person with free will or choice, the partner makes her cheat. If your mental health is impacted, leave, it’s no longer worth it.
/r/Divorce_Men19/10/24 10:16 PM
9

Exactly!! She fuck everything up, she no longer get what she wants or think she deserve. Tell her. You broke the rules, there’s are no more rules. This is now a business transaction. Let the lawyers do what they do best. You stay fucking put you own the house. Fuck her and the AP. Fight it and stay strong if she wants to move on then she’ll want to wrap up the divorce sooner. This is your advantage use it. Imagine her AP asking her why you still living with him. Haha! Now you live rent free in h…
/r/Divorce_Men12/10/24 01:35 AM
10

Same here and many more in this sub. It all starts very identically. OP listen to the advice. It may seem difficult but I guarantee it’ll get better. I’m better 16 months out now. Would say I was better after 2-3 months it depends on what you do to get yourself there. Feel the emotion in the first month, give yourself time to grief. Then pick yourself up and rebuild.
/r/Divorce_Men08/10/24 07:21 PM
2

She saying you’re controlling because it’s ACCOUNTABILITY. It’s not controlling. You fucked up here’s what you’re responsible for to fix things. Now to the question. I learned a lot about myself and why it ended the way it did. Boundaries. Being Nice VS good. Having arguments are good not staying quiet for peace - it make thing worse. Not post divorce yet but there’s separation and I love it. Able to do things my own terms and no longer being manipulated. It’s a breathe of freedom that felt weir…
/r/Divorce_Men06/10/24 08:19 PM
13

I went to the same thing and in the end it was cheating. She was deceiving me the entire time. Always threaten for divorce but next day went back to normal - this is gaslighting and manipulation, she may have a personality disorder. Mine was diagnosed with BPD and I suspect she’s a NPD. She went on trips under the disguise as needing a break of the current life, stressed, family death, etc. and when she comes back she feels more energized. Perhaps because she got rammed. Give her what she wants …
/r/Divorce_Men05/10/24 05:26 PM
1

Thank you, brother. I’ll get through this.
/r/Divorce_Men05/10/24 03:02 PM
7

You’re in a freeze functioning state. Call it quits and move on, give her what she wants. The more you chase the further the gap. Let her do whatever she want. You focus on you and your daughter.
/r/Divorce_Men04/10/24 03:31 AM
3

Thank you. You deserve happiness! I’m sure you’re doing better. I am too. Although we live together. I do enjoy my days and the realization came that I can do whatever I want and not get criticized for it. I’m with my kids on my days and then the rest is this freedom and tranquility. There’s days where I’m tired or lonely but they all pass.
/r/Divorce_Men04/10/24 12:11 AM
2

It should be “Happy Spouse, Happy House”
/r/Divorce_Men04/10/24 12:09 AM
3

You all live together? I’m sorry to hear what you’re going through. You seem to have it together for the shit storm you’re in. I applaud your strength. It’s wild how you think they can’t get any worse then she gets this guy involved and this guy sounds like a troubled person too. I would ask what kind of person would be okay with getting in the middle of this, she screams red flag, but the answer is a person with poor self esteem, lack of character and a crappy person. You’re better than them an…
/r/Divorce_Men03/10/24 02:57 PM
3

I don’t show up for her, been gray rocking no contact since I filed. Only talk about the kids and it’s very little because she doesn’t share anything. I’m at peace with the ending of this relationship. I’m happy I can do whatever I want and don’t have to argue over the dumbest crap. I’m just exhausted waiting for this to be over.
/r/Divorce_Men03/10/24 02:50 PM
2

Thanks you, it’s good to know others feels the same though i wouldn’t want anyone in my position. Stay strong brother 💪 we got this!
/r/Divorce_Men03/10/24 02:47 PM
2

I do. I’ve started taking a step back on things. Not working unnecessary hours and no contact with the ex. I’ve been focusing on me. Just had a rough day as I know healing isn’t linear. I started doing the 75Hard program. I don’t like disappointing people probably rooted in childhood things but am being aware that it is okay. I’m not a perfect person and there’s only so much I can do with the resources I have.
/r/Divorce_Men03/10/24 02:46 PM
9

9 months here. A month after I served her she broke and asked for one last conversation. Promised she’ll leave me alone after… guess what still here in my life. I’m glad I didn’t give her that final chance she asked for because the mask finally fell off and she’s showing her true narcissistic colors. It’s disgusting. Stay strong brother. You got this - for family, your family - excluding stbxw.
/r/Divorce_Men03/10/24 03:45 AM
2

Some states have alimony depending on length of marriage. Time is not on your side, file now. For example less or more than 10 years make a huge difference.
/r/Divorce_Men01/10/24 09:55 PM
12

The sad truth that men will sacrifice everything to make their partner happy but women cannot. Do not let it go, you deserve what you been giving while not in the form you care for. You deserve that life you deserved together, separately.
/r/Divorce_Men01/10/24 09:10 PM
2

You’ll be hanging out with them not her as long as you steer from certain conversations I think it’ll be fine. Everyone is a grown adult. It all depends on your relationship with your ex. As for me I have no desire to keep any relationship with her family. They are just as horrible as she is, maybe except one of the siblings but we were never close.
/r/Divorce_Men01/10/24 03:01 PM
3

It’s common, mid 30s. I had issues after my wife cheated and I went through betrayal trauma. Sometimes mid way I just lose it and when I hooked up with someone new I couldn’t stay erected. It sucks but it’s part of the healing process we don’t speak too much of. You could try viagra or cialis just to boost your confidence. Hims.com have generic version for cheaper. These pills helps with blood flow not give you an erection.
/r/Divorce_Men01/10/24 02:53 PM
1

In California everything is normally split 50/50. You could buy her out of the house for her share or she can. You may want the latter since you don’t want her living with her family but who to say she wouldn’t bring her family in to her to help her? Control what you can control and don’t get anxiety over the what if crap. Have the attorney deal with it and make a clean even split. She’s an adult she can figure it out stop being the nice guy. Nice guy got you here, be a good man with firm bounda…
/r/Divorce_Men01/10/24 05:38 AM
1

Remember emotions come and go, feel it, don’t act on emotions. Let it through you and don’t make any decisions during high tide of emotions. Wait. Never fold. Stay strong.
/r/Divorce_Men01/10/24 05:35 AM
1

Same here. Should’ve left before we got married. Stayed for the kids and the idea of family. She got worse over the years as we became more financially better. The egoic kind of a person does not change. Don’t hold onto the hope if there’s no accountability. Actions speak louder than words. There’s nothing wrong calling quits and providing a better life for your daughter separately.
/r/Divorce_Men01/10/24 05:33 AM
3

You’re not a victim. You are a FUCKING SURVIVOR!! You did what you thought was best and eventually any empath will say enough is enough. You endured a lot it’s time to rest and enjoy the next chapter of your life. Respect 🫡 to you. Holding onto your mental health isn’t easy going through what you did. I am surprised you lasted 20 years.
/r/Divorce_Men01/10/24 05:27 AM
1

No, you will not be incapacitated if you accept the truth. You may not see if but you’ll find what you something beautiful when you do. It is overwhelming the loss of our precious life we had. There’s nothing you can do about it but move on. You’re in the grief cycle one day acceptance will arrive and you’ll be fine. You’re already “incapacitated” now with the depression you have. Think of it as living currently without those feelings you feel? Would you want that instead. Take your time, rebuil…
/r/Divorce_Men29/09/24 03:42 PM
1

It’s because you’re living in the past brother. When we live in the past we’re living in pain and when we think of the future of what is no longer we get anxiety. You have to get to acceptance of what was and what will be then start practicing living in the moment. Look at your relationship the good and the bad. Reflect. Are you missing her or the concept of her and family? Is she really the person for you or you think she was because of the life you built? It takes a lot to start feeling better…
/r/Divorce_Men28/09/24 04:12 PM
1

Same here. 4 kids together one of them my stepson, that I raised since he was little. Gave her the family she wanted and after a decade she wanted “more”. Now she got nothing. I know she regrets it but her ego does not let her otherwise the facade of her self will destroy her. Both parties will regret it but it depends on the person view of self (their egoic mind) to show that or not. It is devastating, glad to hear you are working through it. No one is coming to save us except ourselves. While …
/r/Divorce_Men28/09/24 02:09 PM
3

You can put your foot down as much as she does. There’s nothing wrong with the kids seeing their grandparents on a day that you’re taking care of them. Think as if you were separated and you have custody. Do you need to ask for her permission on your day? No. So stop letting her dictate what you can and can’t do. Tell her kick rocks. There’s no consequences even if she calls the cops it’s their grandparents they won’t do anything. It’ll make her look stupid. My stbx did that to when she wasn’t t…
/r/Divorce_Men28/09/24 04:33 AM
4

For us to grow we must overcome difficult life challenges and you did just that. While it’s not something we all here wanted - you learn that it’s not what you want that happens in life. Kudos to you. Continue becoming your best version.
/r/Divorce_Men26/09/24 02:49 PM
12

Don’t be captain save a damsel in distress aka hoe. Lose the savior complex and live a peaceful life on your own.
/r/Divorce_Men25/09/24 02:18 PM
24

She’s projecting her guilt onto you. She knows you’ll never forgive her so she’ll play the victim and you’re the abuser. Don’t engage keep it about your child only. It gets better if you actively work toward being better. Being a better you. Being a better father. Being a better person. Time does nothing if you do not put in the work, that’s not how healing works. It’s a false hope thinking in x number of years I’ll forget it! Sadly if we don’t work through it the hurt will always be there. The …
/r/Divorce_Men25/09/24 02:52 AM
6

People do not change. Habits are extremely hard to break. Look at the pattern that’s their behavior. Look at yourself there’s some habits that’s hard for you to change when you understand that then you understand how difficult it is for others. For example snoozing to get up and you say to yourself you won’t hit the snooze button but it’s been years.
/r/Divorce_Men22/09/24 09:23 PM
2

Speak to a couple of attorneys. If you guys have a good relationship then it may be fine. If she haven’t worked for 20 years you may be screwed going through with the actual divorce. You should be able to google alimony calculator for the state you’re in. Check if your state is a fault or no fault. Usually when women says this they have started cheating.
/r/Divorce_Men21/09/24 11:10 PM
5

The feeling you feel are normal and it’s often the cause of haunted by the past and fearful of the future. You must make a conscious decision to live in the now. The past cannot be changed, your future can only be different by how you are in the present moment. Worrying about the future makes you lose the happiness of being in the now. As for the gf if she’s snooping and having insecurities it’s better to cut it off especially you said on and off. There may be attachment style at play one is anx…
/r/Divorce_Men21/09/24 04:39 PM
2

She gave you a chance to save the marriage and you declined if? How are you! Good choice brother. Shows exactly how mature she is.
/r/Divorce_Men16/09/24 04:58 PM
4

Everyone is different in how we process this. Do what you think is best for you. I’d keep the house since the market is crap. I can deal with the memories.
/r/Divorce_Men13/09/24 07:49 PM
2

Keep standing tall. Remember this post if even a small glimpse of emotion tells you to forgive her. Fuck that. Stand tall and proud!
/r/Divorce_Men13/09/24 01:44 AM
1

58% chance of losing. You’re right!
/r/Divorce_Men12/09/24 12:57 AM
4

It’s okay, remember you did what you thought was right at that time. Give compassion to yourself. When we’re in survival mode we want comfort. Having her back home was that, even though it’s the worse choice possible for your life and health. You have to realize walking on eggshells to keep it peaceful is not healthy. Now that you’re beaten down to the pavement. It’s time to fucking rise!! Time to dust that shit off. Don’t give yourself a pity party. Start working on yourself. Change your habits…
/r/Divorce_Men11/09/24 05:38 AM
3

Sounds like a challenge 🤣🤣. Let me find the next reddest flag. Your tolerance of this is really high and it’s sad that they set the bar so low but managed to tripped over it. We would stay forever probably… I would’ve except she walked out on our 2nd MC and I educated myself what I thought I was doing as a husband being faithful and the vows is what a good man would do. I was just lying to myself.
/r/Divorce_Men11/09/24 05:20 AM
1

I’m sure “her” wouldn’t want a part of this mess right now :). I’m still going through it with my narcissist ex and she definitely is I’m not using the term loosely as everyone defaults too. She saw a psychiatrist who told her she have BPD but that’s only seeing her twice. Imagine he seen her more. I’m trying to find “me” before anything else after 12 years of being abused you forget who you were before all of it. Nonetheless I appreciate you!
/r/Divorce_Men11/09/24 05:09 AM
0

Sorry to hear what you went through. It’s not your fault and you are strong. Keep on being resilient. I hope you find a good man that’ll treat you right.
/r/Divorce_Men11/09/24 04:49 AM
3

Everyone one at their core is a narcissist, not women. It’s the 1% that’s causes the disruption but I suspect it’s more 1) they do not have the self awareness to know they are a narcissist 2) social media is a spawn for narcissists. Everyone need to realize the “butterflies” you feel isn’t because it’s love. It’s a sign of childhood trauma, someone you find “boring” may be the love you need. Love should bring you peace and comfort not chaos. We just live in a mess up world. Until you get hit by …
/r/Divorce_Men11/09/24 04:47 AM
17

Sorry for what you went through. Betrayal trauma is one of the worst trauma. She’s trying to see if she have a hold on you. Do not engage. Fuck her. The reason she got pregnant is so she can trapped that idiot. Trust me, it’ll crash. My ex is the same, was telling the AP she was pregnant and tried to get me to pregnant her. It’s fucking crazy.
/r/Divorce_Men11/09/24 03:20 AM
1

You’re both and everyone here is amazing. Showing true resilient, grit, strength and determination to move forward. It is not the moment that defines us but we define the moment.
/r/Divorce_Men11/09/24 01:15 AM
6

You should do #75Hard too. All this will get us in the right mental fortitude for what’s to come.
/r/Divorce_Men09/09/24 06:59 PM
2

It’s better to get legal advice and make sure the prenup is done by a reputable attorney otherwise if they make an error you’ll be screwed. You have to separate what you feel or believe “she will only get a small amount not 50%” days that. For example in California everything would be 50/50 unless you go through court and prove any misconduct.
/r/Divorce_Men07/09/24 06:26 PM
9

Congratulations, not what you wanted but a win is a win. Celebrate every small win because it’s not hard to come by. Me stbxw is demanding the house, the business, pretty much everything and what’s left I guess she wants me to beg for her to be kind? Fuck that, we going to court baby. I don’t even care at this point I just want to be at court, get an order by a judge then move on with my life.
/r/Divorce_Men07/09/24 04:52 PM
2

Check state requirement of how long you need to live there. I believe some are 6 months, plan well ahead.
/r/Divorce_Men07/09/24 12:28 AM
5

Literally weight taken off his shoulders.
/r/Divorce_Men05/09/24 07:43 PM
5

Amazing!!! Congratulations. Perseverance!
/r/Divorce_Men05/09/24 12:27 AM
1

I’m sorry to hear what you’re going through. It’s heartbreaking. It’s hitting me as I went through the same. Especially the phone part, when I went to check to confirm my doubts, you and I hit the hard truth instead of the confirmation we need that we’re doing the right thing for family. Gaslighted as you were invasion of privacy. One day you’ll look back and laugh, I do. You’re fucking cheating and here you are upset with me for privacy?! GTFO. I’m going to be real with you. This is the best fu…
/r/Divorce_Men02/09/24 08:11 PM
6

She shouldn’t be able to do that, get with an attorney asap and protect yourself.
/r/Divorce_Men02/09/24 07:55 PM
2

Thank you for generous words. I’m not on the other side yet however I’ve been through the darkest hours we all go through when DDay happens and the avalanche that comes after. People who have not gone through can’t related it’s not as easy as “get over him/her”. You should! Get out there! Start small, casual coffee dates. Make friends while being open to more. Know what you want and make sure you have boundaries set, never compromise for what you want. Teach your daughter the person you choose s…
/r/Divorce_Men02/09/24 06:10 PM
10

Here’s something I wrote to another post. You should go find a therapist it’s tremendously helpful to have someone to speak to until you’re ready to tell a friend. Do not let her back home, never, start the divorce process now as she’s in the delusional state of bliss. You will get the better deal now, guaranteed. You give her time and wake up or self destruct from her choice to go be free it’ll be a long contentious battle. My ex did the same however I was not strong at the time and let her hom…
/r/Divorce_Men02/09/24 04:09 PM
1

There’s study that may have linked cheating to a gene meaning it can be passed down as you mentioned from generations to generations. However you can be the “transition character” in your family lineage. You can heal which seems like you have but partly you’ve shielded your heart from any future pain. In order to love we must open ourselves to hurt. That’s the idea of living; Ying and Yang you can’t only have one every good comes with the potential opposite. My XW and her dad is a cheater. Mom s…
/r/Divorce_Men02/09/24 04:00 PM
6

It really depends on the why you got divorced. Sometimes time apart make people realizes things/feelings. It’s like sometimes you make better co-parents then partners. Better father/mother than husband/wife. For me - not possible. Cheater, gaslighting, DARVO, manipulation, horrible human being.
/r/Divorce_Men02/09/24 05:04 AM
5

I’m going to be real. You have to move on. That’s the risk of a relationship with a single parent if it goes south you lose the partner plus number of children involved. Because you have no rights. You’re dealing with a person with no empathy and uses people as pawns. She’s doing it to her daughter! Disgusting. Have a conversation with her daughter and let her know it’s a difficult choice but you really have no legal rights or able to deal with her mother. Children knows. I’m sure she knows who …
/r/Divorce_Men02/09/24 12:28 AM
4

Find hobbies. Have a friend(s) to call. Join activities running, boxing, CrossFit, etc. Just know that the loneliness will pass in an hour, a day, a week, don’t do anything rash during those moments.
/r/Divorce_Men01/09/24 09:09 PM
7

58% of first marriage ends in divorce, 86%(?) could be wrong gets remarried within first 5 years. Rushing into things second time without truly understanding why their first marriage broke down and repeat the same mistakes over is why it fails again. As a man, given what I’m going through, I highly doubt I want to get married again unless it’s a prenup involved and really screening the partner. Go through marriage counseling first and navigate the baggage we both have. Don’t fall for a pretty fa…
/r/Divorce_Men01/09/24 09:08 PM
2

You’re welcome. Brothers in tragedy 🎭
/r/Divorce_Men01/09/24 07:09 PM
2

Two options. 1. Start celebrating the kids birthday and any event when possible separately. 2. If you must attend be cordial since he’s not the AP. Have a relationship with him if he respects you then he’ll respect your kids more. Be open to having a relationship with him and get to know him but keep a distance. If it was me though because she cheated and is a scum. I’d shake his hands and say good luck or buckle up.
/r/Divorce_Men01/09/24 04:43 PM
3

It grew massive. Filed divorce in Jan 2024, she begged, pleaded, and cried Feb - “Im sorry” I said “for what” she said “everything” and I said “nope” not falling for this shit again. “I only want custody of the kids I don’t care for anything else”. Now wants 50 of everything I have but lie about the cash she saved at her parents during our marriage. Few months later asked “do you want to have a weekly dinner with the kids and me” and I said “nope”. That set her off, good times, dealing with this…
/r/Divorce_Men01/09/24 03:09 PM
6

Are our ex sisters? I found my balls, been on a downhill descend since at 200 mph.
/r/Divorce_Men01/09/24 07:03 AM
6

Man, it sounds like you need IC to work through your insecurities. You have an attachment issue to toxicity. I know hindsight is 20/20 but there’s definitely areas where you could improve. You’re absolutely right cheaters don’t change, very rarely. Think of it as a core habit you have even you would have a difficult time changing it so expecting someone to stop cheating is nonexistent. It’s a fallacy we fall for. A fantasy of who we want the her to be and being blind to who she is really. You ne…
/r/Divorce_Men01/09/24 12:09 AM
3

I don’t but I should. I would get an iPad or something cheaper so you can call them or they have access to you when they are with her. This way you don’t have to deal with her. It’s nice for kids to know that you care and haven’t forgotten them. They’ll remember when they get older.
/r/Divorce_Men31/08/24 08:39 PM
28

I wouldn’t say we’re happy, I’d say we found Peace. Our happiness lies within building the family we always wanted. No man wants to build this life then have it come burning down. Unfortunately that is also our downfall because we want to succeed so much in this family ideology. We put up with way too much to keep the family together and it can’t just be us. Women nowadays because of social media and the culture that made them believe they are the prize. Have fuck up everything. When reality hit…
/r/Divorce_Men31/08/24 08:36 PM
5

Good post. I tried to do 19 but was told I couldn’t by my attorney.
/r/Divorce_Men30/08/24 06:36 PM
5

It’s called hysterical bonding. And if you deal with a narcissist they have cycles: love bombing (idealize), devalue, discard and hoovering. You want validation of what you show to other that’s why you crave for them. Because you show them the love you would want back so you’re always chasing for they validation except to a person who’s incapable. So then you must prove that you’re lovable. Then there’s attachment theories, he’s anxious attachment and she’s avoidance attachment. Look them up and…
/r/Divorce_Men30/08/24 02:31 PM
2

Take a step back and give yourself compassion. Evaluate how you got there, what it means now, and what place you want to be in the future. Work toward that. It sucks and hopefully it gets better day by day but you have to put in the work.
/r/Divorce_Men30/08/24 05:29 AM
1

That’s the crappy thing about marriage unless you live in the few fault state otherwise you get screwed over and over. The one that you can do is blow the truth and let everyone know the cheat scum she is.
/r/Divorce_Men29/08/24 03:05 AM
1

I get it. I’d talk to a lawyer and see how it would work if you move state. Sometimes we have to give up certain things for the better mental state. If you can’t be the best version of you it’ll pass to your kids. Only you can make this choice you live if daily.
/r/Divorce_Men28/08/24 04:53 AM
5

Time to get up brother. We’re all tired. We’re all battling the one who we fell in loved with but turn monster. You cannot let the enemy win. You cannot leave the way you’re thinking it will leave a cycle of trauma for generation to come. Your boys are old enough to see who is wrong and right. Talk to them you’re their father figured be one! Let them know when you face obstacles in life you smack it aside and carry on. You’re not lost. You’re grieving and it’s perfectly normal to be like this du…
/r/Divorce_Men27/08/24 05:18 AM
2

I don’t have advice but your strength inspires me. I know it’s tiring dealing with a contentious ex. Mine is dragging the divorce out plainly being a bitch. I’ve fully disclosed everything and she refuses to do so but goes “trust me I want this divorce over quickly”. I have 4 kids from 14-3. I’m not really engaged as I used to be until we go court and have an arrangement. I don’t want to argue and deal with her so I’m just going with the most peaceful path currently until we go court. I’m not su…
/r/Divorce_Men27/08/24 03:37 AM
2

That’s why she’s being nice bc she’s saying if you go to court you’ll get less. So let’s settle out of court, she knows taking to court she’ll lose.
/r/Divorce_Men26/08/24 01:43 AM
1

Document all of that. She’s know she won’t win so she’s trying to be “nice”. Typical bs.
/r/Divorce_Men26/08/24 01:15 AM
7

In the end they all show who they really are. It’s sucks but the bright side is she will no longer be part of your life.
/r/Divorce_Men26/08/24 01:06 AM
3

If there’s nothing nefarious what about sitting her down and talking to her truthfully? If you both agree then you can have a mediator instead of paying 2x lawyers. If you blindside her it may get messy than amicable.
/r/Divorce_Men24/08/24 09:07 PM
3

Similar story. It’s crazy to hear how common this is. They either see you as all good when you fall in line or all bad the enemy when you say enough is enough. Whole personality disorders associated with it.
/r/Divorce_Men24/08/24 06:13 PM
2

He also gives good advices not just about getting divorced but overall the dynamics of a healthy relationship
/r/Divorce_Men24/08/24 04:52 PM
9

Did you ever figured her out during your relationship? No. Did you figured her out during the 4 years? No. There’s no sense of trying to understand those who are illogical. Simple fact is she wants control over you and you having a new relationship means she lost that control over you. To her you couldn’t do better than her but reality is she set the bar so low that it’s funny she tripped over it. There’s certain doors in life that does not need to be open again. You’re doing great, remember wha…
/r/Divorce_Men21/08/24 07:22 PM
1

2 is not true. You’re not the asshole. You’re a survivor saving you and your kids from a neglectful and addicted/toxic alcoholic. You’re showing your kids what it means rather than tolerate abusive. If you can prove she’s an alcoholic perhaps it’ll help you with custody unless you’re leaving kids and her.
/r/Divorce_Men19/08/24 05:45 PM
1

As long as there’s clear expectations and boundaries then do what’s best for your family. I’d make sure to have it in writing and signed, not because it would hold anything legally (I could be wrong), but the intent to make you both accountable to withhold it. Farther you could set parameters and consequences if one fails to follow. For example what if someone bring another person home when you both agreed that neither would? How would expenses work? Have a joint account where everything is debi…
/r/Divorce_Men17/08/24 11:46 PM
3

Not worth it unless you want to thank him for showing who your wife truly is. He did you a favor by showing you that she’s a cheater and was not respecting nor loved you. Time to dust it off and go no contact with both. Move on with your life.
/r/Divorce_Men17/08/24 11:18 PM
3

Glad to hear it! They want to make sure they have control over you. It’s crazy. Become indifferent and it seems like you are already. You can use “now, you know that’s not true”
/r/Divorce_Men17/08/24 03:45 PM
10

You lurk over their social media. You ask about them through mutual friends. Argue or try to talk to each other to see if there’s any emotion that gets triggered. Loving bomb, gifts, getting you food without asking, anything for emotions. You dont take a bite it’s poisoned, move on.
/r/Divorce_Men17/08/24 05:53 AM
1

Are you still doing therapy? I know it was a 6 weeks program but how about speaking to a therapist once a week or every other week? fight or flight sucks. I’ve learned the term functional freeze state - it explains my exhaustion end of day not all the time but some days it’s bad. I have to take a nap at 6-7 or I’m zombie mode.
/r/Divorce_Men15/08/24 07:43 PM
2

Radical acceptance. Get there. How’s you’re nutrition? Cut sugar if you’re into sugar and alcohol. That may help. Stay strong, you got this.
/r/Divorce_Men15/08/24 01:53 PM
2

This. We had an agreement before lawyers got involved. I get the house, she got the cash close to $100K, now she claiming the cash is her and it wasn’t part of the community property. Do option 1 and be done with it.
/r/Divorce_Men15/08/24 05:41 AM
12

I’m feeling like this 7 months into the divorce not finalized. Separated in home living together. Managing it day by day, getting better. You have to make a conscious effort. Do things you wouldn’t do? It gives endorphins and change your memories with new experiences. Take some time off and go backpacking in another country? I just do work, gym on days where I don’t have the kids, when with kids take them out for treats. Practicing stoicism and mindfulness. On dating app but it sucks. Not caring…
/r/Divorce_Men15/08/24 05:37 AM
1

Depends on state but usually after 10 years you’d pay more in alimony. The calculation is different based on length of marriage. Consult a lawyer but do it quick if you don’t see a way saving the marriage.
/r/Divorce_Men15/08/24 03:22 AM
1

The cash you use for cash transaction only leave no paper trail can’t be proven. You wouldn’t do a deposit and have them write a receipt saying “cash”.
/r/Divorce_Men15/08/24 03:21 AM
4

Take it to an attorney and get what you deserved but rest assured she’ll come at you with every inch of evil she got.
/r/Divorce_Men15/08/24 03:04 AM
2

To each their own. I wouldn’t say it’s moronic to do it again, it’s understand how/why we chose our previous partner which lead to this. Were there red flags we overlooked because of certain things? What made us choose that - our own insecurities, lust, point in life? I do agree before getting in another relationship you take a long evaluation of yourself to heal and understand what you want in a relationship (values, morals, character) then become that person. Then you can decide what’s best fo…
/r/Divorce_Men13/08/24 07:18 PM
5

Those are just some guidelines. You do what you think is best for you. Go on dating apps, build your confidence, it’s good but don’t have expectation most apps are paid to use or mostly bots.
/r/Divorce_Men13/08/24 03:38 PM
1

Once you file you state the date of separation. Open a new checking account and credit card so you can say anything after is yours. You can spend however you like as long as current assets like mortgage or community property are taken care of - however it split among you and her or not. If there’s joint account I’d recommend to take half to your new account because anyone can just withdraw money from it don’t be naive and think she’ll only take what’s her. Protect yourself first.
/r/Divorce_Men13/08/24 02:31 PM
1

They asked us to do a settlement conference. It was the stupidest meeting of my life. We went over our financials, which was already discovered truthfully by me but not her. Went line by line of crap - there was no offer. Gets me livid each time I think about that. The silver lining was she showed her face on camera and I will always remember that evil devilish look of her “ha you can’t fuck with me”. Little she knows. Positive note it solidified my commitment to divorce the cheating bitch.
/r/Divorce_Men12/08/24 05:24 AM
5

Sad to say he was never the main to be pushed to the side. I don’t want to be rude but that’s the hard cold truth. OP, you can do better. Leave her and never look back. You loved a woman who was never in love with you. Take your time to grief go no contact do not talk to her for 6 months, and see where you’re at, though honestly I wouldn’t talk to her ever again. The disrespect cannot be repaired.
/r/Divorce_Men12/08/24 05:21 AM
2

I would agree to move back in bc it’s your house too. However given how emotional you were, coming back and living with her, could resurface those emotion. If you’re doing okay as of now, just continue. You can get credit back once the divorce is finalized - speak to a lawyer but it’s possible. I’m doing the same, paying everything related to the house pretty much paycheck to paycheck at the moment. Stay strong. Sometimes we cry because our body needs to be regulated - if you stop you’re doing g…
/r/Divorce_Men12/08/24 03:27 AM
13

You don’t miss her. You miss the fantasy of who she was - the perfect partner. She was not, otherwise you wouldn’t be here. Our ideal person vs the person who we entangled with. I know it sucks but once you come to terms with that it’s a step to get better. Are you going therapy? Journaling and talking to yourself like if the friend you would need. Giving yourself compassion helps.
/r/Divorce_Men12/08/24 02:12 AM
1

Yes, never call them out on it unless you think what you’re going through can’t get worse. I’ve watched enough videos on PD. I read your post, you have to start living for yourself. You will have to mentally prepare yourself it will get worse before it gets better. I’m living with mine been 7 months since I filed. She’s dragging her feet and lying about things. I’m fine with 50/50 but she’s hiding on herself so screw her. I’ve seen her post on social media and it’s very delusional - all the shit…
/r/Divorce_Men12/08/24 01:08 AM
5

When someone shows you who they are, believe them. I didn’t believe it the first time and stuck around for a few more years. When I heard that, definitely a punch in the gut.
/r/Divorce_Men12/08/24 12:46 AM
2

If the house is under both of your names then legally she have the rights to come and goes as she pleases. It doesn’t require both of you to file. You guys seem to have at least talked about it so go get it started. You file the petition the longer you drag this out the longer will have to suffer with her behavior. It’s on you.
/r/Divorce_Men12/08/24 12:44 AM
4

Do not tell her or diagnose her, it will further enflame her. If she refused therapy then she’s not ready. It is not your responsibility to lose your mental health trying to get her to help herself. Something just spark a thought in my head. I wonder is if when we start trying to work on ourselves that’s when things get worse? I was getting a dad bod so I started building a home gym and I got into shape. I started to dress better then somewhere during that period the affair happened. She was dia…
/r/Divorce_Men12/08/24 12:35 AM
3

It’s also life experiences that’s why you think you’ve moved on quicker than in your 20s. Think about it? Each time it happened you moved on after grieving, right? Then there’s potential that you’re lying to yourself and this new life is just to cover the wound. It’s hard to say only you can tell. I think 7 months is a decent rate not fast not slow, I’m 7 months in since I filed. I went through the same as you except we don’t talk anymore. I don’t have anything to say to her other then if it rel…
/r/Divorce_Men11/08/24 11:20 PM
1

You only got your words and your balls don’t break them for anyone - Scarface. It’s fine, the people who knows me knows who I am. The people she talking crap about me Idgaf about anyways so who cares. End of the day we have our moral intact while they do not - simple as that. I didn’t go break our vows, cheated, and broke a family of 4 kids. One isn’t mine and I’ve raised him since he’s a month. Gave her a family and she broke it and for what? That guy isn’t a comparison to me, he’s just younger…
/r/Divorce_Men09/08/24 09:23 PM
1

Same man. People have always asked me why are you with her? I would’ve always defended her while we all have our own flaws, no one is perfect, but now when your eyes are open wider you realize their treatment to you was not even the bare minimum. You were used for a purpose and discarded when you no longer serve that. She cheated but somehow I pushed her to cheat, gmfu. Apologized asked for another chance and if she fucks up then she’ll end herself - gaslighting shit. I said no, I can see throug…
/r/Divorce_Men09/08/24 07:46 PM
1

Ugh, thanks. That helps with my expectation. Wanting it over now and the actual steps of it. Can get married so easily but divorce is just this dragged out process.
/r/Divorce_Men09/08/24 02:08 PM
1

Thanks for sharing. She’s definitely dragging her feet here everything takes long for her to provide when we ask but they ask I give to them as soon as I can.
/r/Divorce_Men09/08/24 02:07 PM
3

Well written post. You’ve gone through what most are going through. Thanks for the encouragement. Loyalty to a fault. Death before dishonor. That’s the way and will be the death of us. This is the saving grace when they completely messed up the marriage. Once you wake up you realize you been putting up with a lot of toxicity and poor behavior for so long for the sake of forever after.
/r/Divorce_Men09/08/24 03:35 AM
1

Google says CT is both a fault and no-fault state. Which may be beneficial for you being a fault state because adultery is grounds for divorce. Lawyer up and get guidance from them, if you’re able to scare her first and give her a reasonable settlement offer hopefully it doesn’t escalate more.
/r/Divorce_Men09/08/24 03:30 AM
10

Same
/r/Divorce_Men08/08/24 03:34 AM
9

Reading too much into it. We’re all going to go through grief whether we initiated the divorce or the talks of if. No one lacks emotion well a few but that’s because they are not wired right. So she have to go through grief as you are. She lied to you multiple times do you really want to go through it again?
/r/Divorce_Men08/08/24 12:37 AM
2

The shit doesn’t fall far from the arse - is how I look at it. Where you think the shit learn from? It came from the arse. What would you expect regardless who’s right or wrong. It’s sad when you find out bc you expect people to be better but in the end everyone’s shit. You have to be the person you expect others to and live with yourself.
/r/Divorce_Men07/08/24 11:21 PM
13

You’re on the right path. Stay calm, start becoming indifferent to her. Don’t show her any emotions she expects that, fuck that, she doesn’t care for you so why do you need to care for her? The more you show you care the less respect she have for you - which is already at zero. Usually when they make this decision they aren’t changing so when someone who shows you who they are take it for granted. It sucks, the person you thought is your person. The person who you thought you’ll live to your end…
/r/Divorce_Men07/08/24 10:12 PM
3

At the core of this sounds like you have abandonment and attachment issues. You know what you need to do but you fear of the outcome being alone - which isn’t true. You have a lot of offer and a great guy just showing it to the wrong person. Go to therapy and address the root of your issues to have a better coping mechanism and understand why you do things you do. You have to stop doing the shit you’re doing, just do the opposite of what you’ve been doing. You’re not responsible for taking care …
/r/Divorce_Men07/08/24 05:12 PM
1

Read No More Me Nice Guy. You’re successful man. You’ll be fine, it’ll make a dent for sure and the turmoil but it’s for the better.
/r/Divorce_Men07/08/24 04:33 AM
2

You have the answer you need. If you continue it’ll be another 3 years, 6, etc until what? Cut it now and enjoy the second half of your life. Your kids won’t be the first kids with divorced parents and won’t be the last. As much as I hate to say that and have to accept that myself.
/r/Divorce_Men07/08/24 04:24 AM
1

James Sexton if he represent OP state.
/r/Divorce_Men07/08/24 04:23 AM
3

Depends on many factors, consult a lawyer for advice to your particular circumstances. Sorry to hear that you got betrayed. Find a therapist as well to help navigate what you’re going through and for the kids.
/r/Divorce_Men06/08/24 02:36 PM
1

Talk to a friend, or a therapist. When you let it out you’re letting the anxiety out. Journal. Morning walk - sunlight. Gym to destress (proven). Go scream in your car on the highway. Understand it’s inevitable part of life. Your first mistake is holding onto hope. It’s what will kill you more. When someone show you who they are - believe them. She can’t be trusted, she manipulated you. It’s time to move on, it’ll be hard, but it must be done.
/r/Divorce_Men06/08/24 06:12 AM
6

If she’s unstable you dodged a bullet. Don’t get into a relationship because you’re lonely and rely on external need to fill it. Won’t be good for you long term.
/r/Divorce_Men06/08/24 03:46 AM
1

Another day, brother. Reach out if you ever need someone to listen.
/r/Divorce_Men05/08/24 06:48 AM
1

Well it was named long ago but recently does fuck it up
/r/Divorce_Men05/08/24 04:11 AM
1

Is the house paid off? If she’s SAHW how can she afford the upkeep? If she’s asking for alimony don’t just give her the house easily. The property is considered yours until divorce is finalized and however those asset is divided. Don’t move out why put more expenses on you? Live there it’s both your property. It’s an added stressed moving out because you don’t know how this will shake out. Imagine you get the house and then you’re stuck with a house and an apartment lease? You should still do th…
/r/Divorce_Men04/08/24 09:48 PM
1

Didn’t know it have to be approved by judge. With all you said, agree you have to take it to the next level to ensure the safety of the kids. She can have rest days during her time with them not leaving them. While it’s good to have relationship with both parents, it depends on the parent too right? Just because you gave birth to them doesn’t make you a parent. If one have a chance of causing trauma to the kids you’d have to do them the favor by removing them since they can’t do it. Not saying i…
/r/Divorce_Men04/08/24 07:56 PM
1

Have your attorney tell hers to get on a court monitor family app such as Our Family Wizard. This way no one gets stupid or emotional, well you could but it’s easier to be used in court hearing. Valid concern you have because you never know what could happen. Is there cameras to alert her if someone were to enter the property? Is there a way for the 7 year old to contact her in emergency? Can she check in with you when she leave and come back? Can you go and watch her? Could you manage full cust…
/r/Divorce_Men04/08/24 07:28 PM
18

First off thank you for posting this OP. All good points. Adding to #2 - don’t play the pick me dance, don’t do hysterical bonding. Once it’s over, leave it as that, it only works if both party take accountability and action. If you’re the only one - pick up your self respect and move forward. The more you chase the more you get trampled over. Imagine a day where you can eat whatever you want, do the dishes tmr if you’re exhausted that night, fold laundry when you have time, go do your hobbies w…
/r/Divorce_Men04/08/24 06:07 PM
3

Brother the closure is all the things you said of what she did. You don’t need closure you need acceptance of what she did - that is your closure. Last conversations or words are meaningless think about it, she’ll just gaslight you. They will never tell the truth because they have low self esteem and afraid of you knowing the truth.
/r/Divorce_Men04/08/24 05:59 PM
4

I’d say drink responsibly. Have fun if you do enjoy drinking socially but don’t use that to numb your emotions.
/r/Divorce_Men04/08/24 05:54 PM
1

It means you’re healing. Healing isn’t linear, not a straight line, it’s a rollercoaster you’ll have up and down. Just keep focusing when the day is rough tell yourself “one more day”. You cannot give up for your children, you have to break the cycle of trauma and not pass it to your children. I’m in the same boat, everyday seems mundane, same shit over and over. I have those thoughts but it’s only thoughts. Because the fabric of our future as we thought have been distorted. We’re trying to unde…
/r/Divorce_Men04/08/24 05:52 PM
2

You know your situation the best and what’s true and not, best to consult an attorney. Texts msg are harder to prove than email bc it can be modified and not time stamped as well as emails. A lot could be hearsay. Just start focusing on being better everyday from now on. Don’t engage in any conversation that is not related to the kids, household, or the divorce.
/r/Divorce_Men04/08/24 05:23 PM
1

There’s not a lot of context here for the reason she wants to divorce. Some women use that as manipulation to control you - gaslighting. If she wants a divorce why can’t she go and do it but telling you and what you to do it? Either way, get a lawyer talk to a few 3-5, find one you are comfortable with. They may be able to give you rough expectation based on your state laws. Don’t do anything without consulting with your lawyer. Divorce is messy, if you two agree to 50/50 it’s the best probably,…
/r/Divorce_Men04/08/24 06:57 AM
1

There’s something called epstein credits, not sure if it’s valid in Maryland. But that is, you’ll get credit at the end of the divorce for paying all of the bills so keep record of it. Say you divide all asset 50/50 then she’ll have to pay you what she owe during the time of separation not helping with the assets. If it’s mutual and not contentious I’d recommend just pay for now and get credit back later. It’s the path of least resistance of course you should ask her to pay some if it’s difficul…
/r/Divorce_Men04/08/24 06:42 AM
1

I’m hoping to get to where you are sooner than later. 7 months in the divorce without the ending in sight. Thanks for sharing to give a perspective I know I need to hear.
/r/Divorce_Men04/08/24 05:07 AM
1

I’d keep them because she’ll smear your name to her family while it doesn’t matter. Knowing they know the truth to some extent makes them judge her even more when she lies through her teeth. Letting them know she fuck up and you’ve rebuilt your life for the better through your updates is the best revenge. That’s just the passive aggressive me talking. Your quarrel isn’t with them if they liked you and you may see them again why ruin that relationship. And if you don’t care then fuck it unfriend …
/r/Divorce_Men03/08/24 10:17 PM
2

Yeah that’s why you’re feeling what you feel bro. Alcohol is an antidepressant as well. Start doing outdoor activities, sunlight, gym, eat clean, find hobbies, journal and just start asking yourself what do you want? Work toward that. You’re saying you want these things but you’re doing the opposite so sorry to say but you won’t get to where you want if that’s what you’re doing. Do the things you’ve always wanted to do if you were able to during relationship. Start living your life!! It’s going …
/r/Divorce_Men03/08/24 09:12 PM
5

I would advice to learn enjoying yourself and not rely on external validation from others. That’s the way to cope you’re focusing on relationship but maybe it’s time to take a break from relationship and enjoy yourself.
/r/Divorce_Men03/08/24 08:06 PM
You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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