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Noodletrousers Archive

View 5 posts and 493 comments by Noodletrousers on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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1

You need to take action now. Do not wait. Do not believe that you can work it out just the two of you. I made this mistake and it’s taken me four years to get back in my children’s lives. In most states, you’re correct, one parent can take children without the other’s consent. You most likely will need to file for divorce and I suggest you do it immediately. She’s most likely cooking up a restraining order to make it more difficult for you. You need to fight the restraining order immediately as …
/r/Divorce_Men17/07/26 08:24 PM
16

If the show were on the other foot, she would absolutely be using this to her advantage in terms of the divorce and custody. I know that you’ll knuckle under and try to reconcile because you don’t want the divorce, but it’s absolutely the worst thing you can do right now. Accept that divorce is imminent and if you don’t protect yourself financially and custody-wise, you will be screwed later. Good luck and I’m really sorry this has happened to you.
/r/Divorce_Men27/06/26 01:12 PM
2

Now that you’ve made it clear that there’s no chance to reconcile, she may try to make all sorts of accusations. It would not surprise me if she tried some type of DV allegation. Try to stay away from her until one of you moves out. Record every interaction to the best of your ability. Now that she has nothing to lose, she’s most likely going to become vengeful and a scorned woman will do some pretty crazy shit to get the upper hand in court. Be very careful from here on out.
/r/Divorce_Men24/03/26 02:04 PM
3

Yes. He really needs to be aware that DV accusations could be incoming very soon.
/r/Divorce_Men24/03/26 02:00 PM
1

I kicked her ass in court. Yet, that doesn’t matter. She didn’t follow any of the divorce decree and has already filed an appeal in the state she took them to. I wish you the best of luck and hopefully your ex-demon will do what’s best for the children eventually.
/r/Divorce_Men19/01/26 06:07 PM
7

Because that’s exactly what happens. It’s not a fear of the unfounded. We know exactly what’s coming.
/r/Divorce_Men04/01/26 02:20 AM
5

The level of hatred they must feel is completely foreign to me. I can’t imagine treating someone I truly hate the way that she comes after me. Since it’s so irrationally cruel I know it means that there are issues that she won’t deal with internally. She hates herself so much for breaking up our family and in order to justify her immensely vengeful behavior she must keep going and paint me as the literal devil, otherwise her actions make no sense. Rich girls that have always gotten what they wan…
/r/Divorce_Men14/12/25 02:02 AM
5

I appreciate it tremendously. I’ll never give up on my dudes. I’m still, somewhat, in disbelief about all of it. We were together for 20 years and one day she just absconded with my children and refused to ever speak to me again. I understand how crazy that sounds and you would be forgiven for thinking that I did something to deserve it, but no. No abuse, nothing, I loved that woman with my whole heart and would’ve done anything including sacrificing myself for her. Bitches be crazy.
/r/Divorce_Men13/12/25 03:45 PM
8

I’m going through the exact same thing. Rich daddy and it was just settled in August after over 3 years of her having kidnapped my boys. I got to see them for a total of 18 hours during 38 months. Just got word that she filed another motion to try and take away the little custody I finally was awarded. Let’s keep in touch as we’ll need to exchange notes and approaches to crush these mentally ill harpies.
/r/Divorce_Men13/12/25 12:07 PM
3

Unfortunately, it sounds like you need to do it. I completely understand not wanting to get police/dss/authorities involved. She has already been through the system and hasn’t changed. She had an opportunity and couldn’t do it. It will most likely only escalate if you don’t do anything. You can decide what to do in the future, but from what you’ve said it really sounds like this is necessary. I’m very sorry to hear that you’re in this situation. It sucks for sure.
/r/Divorce_Men09/12/25 03:10 PM
5

I had a Gal that hated me for some reason and believed every ridiculous allegation the ex made. Was hostile, wouldn’t return emails, and when we finally got to trial supported my ex’s demand that I get zero custody and only supervised visitation. The judge saw through it all and granted me (less than I wanted) custody and was openly contemptuous of the GAL. I felt hopeless and scared as I represented myself in the five day trial where the ex had unlimited funds (GAL even sat with the ex and her …
/r/Divorce_Men20/11/25 03:16 AM
4

I just got done with an over three year battle just to get my kids back in my life (I only saw them for a total of 18 hours in 38 months). I was awarded 1 weekend per month and alternating holidays. I just came home on Friday to see that sees already filed another lawsuit to strip me of the tiny amount of custody I just got back. The divorce decree was just issued on August 17th. This is only something a mentally ill person does. Unfortunately, daddy has more money than god and will support his …
/r/Divorce_Men16/11/25 11:35 PM
3

Yes, these are all questions for an attorney. Don’t go with the first necessarily. Make sure to take a little time and get at least three consultations to feel confident that you’ve heard a range of opinions and personalities. Please keep in mind that this is one of the most critical times to keep your wits about you. Limit interaction with your soon to be ex and try to be around at least one other person to the best of your ability while interacting with her. There’s a very good chance that wil…
/r/Divorce_Men15/11/25 04:04 PM
3

I made the money and my children were kidnapped from me and I was their primary caregiver! Just because she doesn’t have a cock does not mean that her having primary custody is in the children’s best interests.
/r/Divorce_Men08/11/25 12:59 PM
6

Yes, they can and are rarely punished for it. There are so many ways to string out divorce. I can’t believe you have your head that buried in the sand.
/r/Divorce_Men07/11/25 09:04 PM
7

I hear you about all of this. I’m paying child support and alimony to a woman who kidnapped my kids and purposely moved them over a thousand miles away to a place where she has no friends or family and had spent a total of three days there prior to moving just to make it more difficult for me. Since she was successful in keeping me from knowing her address for over a certain period of time, once custody was finally ruled upon I barely get to see my kids and have to pay her an ungodly amount of m…
/r/Divorce_Men07/11/25 09:01 PM
7

Excuse me, but if someone cannot support their children on their income then the other parent should have the custody. That would at the very least bring these women to the table to negotiate in the best interest of their children and not themselves. Sorry but this system does fuck men over completely.
/r/Divorce_Men07/11/25 08:56 PM
1

Why are you getting testy? We’re here trying to help. No need for the attitude. You’re gonna have to take one of two options. Default and lose equity and creditworthiness or keep paying and get a court ordered sale.
/r/Divorce_Men31/10/25 07:04 PM
2

Holy shit. Jesus, I’m so sorry that it’s even worse than you originally thought. I know it seems like the world is ending, but just remember that it’s only 7-10 before the hearing. Stay in close contact with your lawyer and prepare for this as best as possible. Do you have any idea what “evidence” she could present?
/r/Divorce_Men21/10/25 04:20 AM
7

Harsh but true. I wish I had someone at the beginning to talk this sense into me.
/r/Divorce_Men20/10/25 07:30 PM
16

Such a sad thing that so many of us have experienced. My case is only slightly different in that it wasn’t a group of divorced friends, it was Al-anon online meetings that got her convinced I was a reckless alcoholic and drug addict. It almost always is outside influence though. Remember that they decided to take flight long before they tell you. I also can’t believe how many of us recognized that there were problems in need of fixing but our loyalty was so strong that we were much more committe…
/r/Divorce_Men20/10/25 08:45 AM
2

Stay strong. Eventually it will work out in your favor. You have a better situation in that the process was started already and you had shared/joint custody. My ex took the kids and ran off one day and just like your state, if you’re still married, one spouse can abscond with the children and there’s nothing you can do until a judge orders their return.
/r/Divorce_Men19/10/25 10:15 PM
3

I didn’t fight the temporary (1year) restraining order as I had been with this woman for 20 years and thought she just had a mental breakdown again and we could fix it. Boy, was I wrong. I filed for divorce three months later and she did everything she could to draw the process out as long as possible. Everything from taking an extra two months to take service of the divorce papers, to refusing to agree to anything during mediation, to moving a thousand miles away and keeping her address confide…
/r/Divorce_Men19/10/25 11:06 AM
11

You’re in for the long haul my friend. I’m so sorry to hear this. Same thing happened to me and it took me over three years to get my boys back. I’m so dreadfully sad to hear this. Good luck and you need to prepare for battle (not physically of course, but you cannot give an inch). Fight fast and hard. The longer you wait and the more tepid the response, the more difficult it will be to get your kids back.
/r/Divorce_Men19/10/25 01:00 AM
2

If you’re not ready to date, then give it time before setting up an online dating profile. Don’t stay at home and rot though. Get out and enjoy some hobbies.
/r/Divorce_Men08/10/25 12:11 PM
3

I’d love to have it. My divorce has cost me so much and I’m in such a financial hole because of it.
/r/Divorce_Men06/10/25 03:58 PM
12

I would first try the administration and let them know what’s going on. Get an email address and (this is very important) without emotion, let them know what’s going on, what your concerns are, and how you believe it can be remedied. Ask for a calendar with all school events. Give it a week and if they don’t answer, then keep going up the chain to the superintendent. If you can’t get resolution by then, that’s the only time to mention lawyers or going back to court. Do not threaten any legal act…
/r/Divorce_Men21/09/25 11:35 AM
8

Yeah, it sucks. I remember that was the most devastating thought at the beginning of my separation/divorce. It gets better. Do not focus on thinking about her with other men. Whether it’s the general (vaguely thinking about her with someone else) or specific (truly envisioning her in the act). That will just make it hurt more. Recognize that you’re thinking about it for a second and then immediately start to think about something else. Don’t dwell on it. I thought my ex was the most beautiful wo…
/r/Divorce_Men30/08/25 11:04 AM
7

I went pro se and was scared shitless because she had unlimited daddy funds. She fired her first attorney because he wouldn’t go to the lengths she wanted in punishing me. She hired an expert witness on the stand and had the guardian ad litem completely on her side. No expense was too great to try and keep my children away from me. I was represented by my self for the last two plus years out of a just over three year long ordeal. I kicked her ass, her lawyer’s ass, her father’s ass, and the guar…
/r/Divorce_Men27/08/25 11:34 AM
1

I kicked her and her lawyer’s ass! Not perfect but it’s going to work out and most importantly, I’ll finally be back in my boys lives!
/r/Divorce_Men26/08/25 10:52 AM
3

Well, while it’s not perfect, I won big time! Got a little less custody than I would have liked, but it’s much better than it is now. She asked for well over $100,000, plus lawyers fees, and $3,000/month alimony, plus a huge increase in child support and retroactive payments for the increase in child support. She only got a small increase in child support and $500/month for five years in alimony. The judge came down extremely hard on her for keeping the kids away from me.
/r/Divorce_Men26/08/25 10:38 AM
1

Maine doesn’t have electronic records for divorce.
/r/Divorce_Men24/08/25 11:29 AM
4

Yes. Thank you. Seeing as it’s Saturday night/Sunday morning I just have to bide my time until Monday am once they reopen.
/r/Divorce_Men24/08/25 06:44 AM
2

Because she doesn’t want me to tell them that I’ll be back in their lives without us “coming up with a plan together”. Mind you that I haven’t spoken to her this whole time outside of her occasionally making a comment on the 2-15 minute FaceTime calls she allows per week with them.
/r/Divorce_Men24/08/25 02:55 AM
5

She stalled everything in every way possible. Her father is an MBA, CPA, and JD and has more money than god. I’ve been pro se the past two years after they bled me dry.
/r/Divorce_Men24/08/25 02:43 AM
3

Ah! Seems that’s no a possibility for Maine. I can see all of my old tickets though!
/r/Divorce_Men24/08/25 02:41 AM
3

Thank you! Great idea. I’ll check immediately.
/r/Divorce_Men24/08/25 02:30 AM
6

This is torture! At least I know that we’ll finally be together again.
/r/Divorce_Men24/08/25 02:17 AM
-9

1st. Please don’t say “make that make sense”, as it’s not a clever thing to say and makes it seem as though you don’t have a brain of your own. It wasn’t witty the first time anyone said it and it certainly isn’t now either. 2nd. You damn well know what’s going on. She wants to maximize what she’ll get from you and damn everyone else. This is about punishing you more than it will ever be about what’s best for your children. Remember this the next time she has a chance to better your kids at even…
/r/Divorce_Men03/08/25 05:00 PM
4

100%! I’ve the cruelest ex, but I’d still go through the hell I’m currently living for my boys ad infinitum.
/r/Divorce_Men03/08/25 04:33 PM
5

Good luck. I have a vengeful bitch ex too that’s tried all of this as well. She’s kept my boys away from me for three years and now the trial is over and I’m just waiting for the ruling.
/r/Divorce_Men27/07/25 12:34 AM
3

I couldn’t agree more. If we think the silver bullet method is bad now, just wait until there’s the possibility of jail along with all of the other heinous punishment men receive once their scorned exes go after them. I know that my ex would absolutely try to get me imprisoned by falsely claiming emotional abuse. Her one and only goal has been to destroy me as that’s the only way she can retain complete control over raising our children. I used to think that Australia was a neat country that I’d…
/r/Divorce_Men26/07/25 10:57 AM
4

Yes! It needs to be in writing. Keep your cool at all times and do not raise your voice to her at all. She may be recording and if she’s being this deliberate in setting things up, you know that she’ll most likely journal time and date of your “verbal abuse”! If you feel yourself starting to get angry, walk away immediately. I’m sorry you’re in this situation. It sucks. Just be glad that you figured it out before it was too late and something even worse happened.
/r/Divorce_Men29/06/25 04:30 PM
10

Yes. This is not good and she’s not going to get better if she can’t respect the time you have with your kids.
/r/Divorce_Men23/05/25 11:11 AM
3

An attorney is going to be your best bet here.
/r/Divorce_Men21/05/25 11:56 AM
4

“No, actually it’s a new breed called the Chinese Laughing Terrier.”
/r/Divorce_Men09/05/25 10:20 AM
2

Welcome to Worcester!
/r/Divorce_Men27/04/25 08:00 AM
1

That’s a very good low to no conflict way to proceed. If he can keep a calm demeanor and just state “ok, we agreed to 50% split, so as of x date we calculate 50% of what I have and 50% of what you have, then the balance goes to the one with less”. After docs are signed and agreed, then push to find out the true numbers. Who knows if it’ll work or if it’s worth the effort, but it might be worth a shot.
/r/Divorce_Men06/04/25 01:13 PM
2

You’re going to need to withdraw it and keep it in cash. Start getting about $1000 a week out and get it to a protected spot. Buy a safe and keep it at a family members house or find somewhere else that she can’t access. Anything left in there when you file will be open for her to get some or half of. You need to reduce your assets on paper. While you’re preparing to file, do your best to squirrel away assets. It’s not too much of a stretch to believe that you needed to dip into savings consider…
/r/Divorce_Men06/04/25 11:21 AM
1

It is. And it’s hard not knowing exactly why it’s happening either. I’ve had a very traumatic divorce and after almost three years, it’s finally coming to an end in a couple of weeks with a trial. I tried dating far too early in the process mostly to try and forget about the pain and heartbreak of a twenty year relationship ending. I realized after a few months that I wasn’t ready, but didn’t know that at the time. I’m sure that you’ll find your person. Don’t give up!
/r/Divorce_Men30/03/25 12:30 AM
1

Yes, it would. Don’t do that. I feel for you and wish you nothing but the best. I would not contact him again and only reevaluate if he restarts the communication. Good luck and don’t beat yourself up about it. We’re all testing the waters and trying to find a partner in life.
/r/Divorce_Men30/03/25 12:22 AM
8

Yes. It’s a nightmare. After almost three years and me filing, the trial is coming up in a few weeks. The whole thing was used on me. False DV, took the kids and wouldn’t let me see them (I’ve seen them 18 hours in the almost three years!). Restraining order, insisting that I can only see the kids in a supervised visitation setting. Moved 1700 miles away and won’t disclose her address. Firing her lawyer the day of mediation so it needs to be rescheduled for six weeks later (which turned out to b…
/r/Divorce_Men22/03/25 08:51 PM
1

So you’ve had a wonderful experience with a GAL too? I’m so shocked by how this all has turned out.
/r/Divorce_Men06/01/25 06:47 AM
5

Only you know when you’re ready. My only advice is to not get too attached even if it seems like you’ve met someone wonderful. Take it slowly.
/r/Divorce_Men12/12/24 01:12 AM
4

If you’re still married, then they can take the children anywhere they want. I got royally screwed by not knowing this until it happened.
/r/Divorce_Men05/12/24 01:41 PM
3

Find an attorney that will actually tell you the steps they’re going to take. Not a “well the process goes like this and then this happens” kind of lawyer. You need someone aggressive, especially during these early stages. Figure out what you want and then ask for a lot more so you have room to negotiate and still get what’s important to you.
/r/Divorce_Men30/11/24 02:30 AM
3

I’m sorry. I’ve only been able to see my kids for a total of 17 hours in two and a half years because I couldn’t fathom how insanely cruel they can become when their wrath is directed at us. I got slapped with a temporary restraining order with the only allegation being that she “felt scared” and because I thought the woman I loved and cared for for twenty years was just going through a mental health crisis, I have lost any rights to my children at all until we finalize the divorce which she is …
/r/Divorce_Men30/11/24 01:28 AM
2

Fight for fifty/fifty with the kids, try to keep communication to written only, and try not to be alone with her as she could very well start leveling terrible accusations against you in an effort to get the upper hand in the proceedings.
/r/Divorce_Men30/11/24 01:18 AM
3

Wow! That’s pretty cruel. Not surprising, but downright mean. Are you still living in the same home together? Glad you found out now and not even later. She’s gearing up for a fight and you need to do the same unfortunately. Best of luck to you.
/r/Divorce_Men30/11/24 01:07 AM
4

Brutal but necessary and true. I’m sorry. I have a feeling that you hold out hope that after she’s done with this fling she’ll come back. Please stop thinking that (if you are, of course) and you need to stop talking to her. Don’t answer calls, texts, pleading and crying for help, etc. She threw your marriage away and while I’m sure you want your “old” wife back, that door has closed permanently. I’m sorry that this happened (continues to happen), but it will get better with time. It may be a wh…
/r/Divorce_Men29/11/24 05:51 PM
3

No! Money is temporary, but her accusations will continue until the apocalypse! If your case is as strong as you say, stop dithering and end this now. If it’s shown that she is malicious, then you have every right to try and recoup every penny spent on defending yourself.
/r/Divorce_Men18/11/24 11:56 PM
6

TDS is fucking crazy.
/r/Divorce_Men11/11/24 03:32 AM
2

You’ve gotta try. It’s going to take something out of the ordinary. You don’t have a ton of time so dismissing any suggestions at all isn’t a great idea. Call a realtor, explain the situation and see what they say. Can you place an extra security deposit?
/r/Divorce_Men27/10/24 08:17 PM
4

Same.
/r/Divorce_Men13/10/24 12:39 PM
1

Ah! Thanks.
/r/Divorce_Men07/10/24 12:15 AM
2

What’s etoh?
/r/Divorce_Men07/10/24 12:04 AM
3

You need to move quickly to get custody orders in place. The longer you wait, the easier it is for her to claim that the status quo is her having 100% custody. File for divorce immediately. Hire a paralegal to get the papers filed while you interview attorneys. I personally made the mistake of hoping to reconcile when when my wife took the kids and now it’s been over two years and I still don’t have a custody agreement in place. It can be an absolute nightmare. Good luck.
/r/Divorce_Men07/09/24 10:01 AM
9

It’s amazing how there’s literally a playbook for this and they still get away with it. So few men know how it works that when it happens to us, we’re so far behind figuring it all out. You spelled out almost exactly what happened to me and I’m still trying to see my kids over two years since this all went down. It’s absolutely fucking criminal what they do.
/r/Divorce_Men04/09/24 11:28 AM
6

Your English is fantastic and you gave good advice.
/r/Divorce_Men09/06/24 10:23 AM
0

Because if they claim they’re “afraid” of you, that’s all it takes. Mine got a year long order of protection (kids not on it) with no allegations of violence or even threats, just said she was afraid of me. Now I’m fucked. The order expired a year ago, but because it was ever there, I have to prove the negative of not being violent. It’s total horseshit. I don’t know (obviously) this fellows situation, but women are still given the benefit of the doubt even when it’s clear to any outsider observ…
/r/Divorce_Men04/06/24 10:07 AM
4

Dude, at least you have some custody. I’m fighting my ex and the guardian. I haven’t seen my kids in a year and a total of sixteen hours over the past two years. It sucks more than you can ever imagine. Good luck, keep going through the program and it’ll all work out.
/r/Divorce_Men03/06/24 10:22 PM
1

Go to Maine or New Hampshire and get some beautiful nature in. It has always helped to recenter me when I’m having a tough time.
/r/Divorce_Men26/05/24 01:11 AM
7

Because it’s not about anyone or anything else but “winning”. They cannot take responsibility for their own actions and must destroy their enemies by any means necessary and unfortunately, you are now the enemy. She would throw your children in front of a train if it would hurt you. Don’t forget that.
/r/Divorce_Men22/05/24 10:31 AM
5

My assumption from what Subtle said was that if the roles were reversed she would’ve ditched you years ago. Many of us, myself included, have made the terrible mistake of trying to protect our wives at our own expense for a long time. In my case it was at least 5-6 years. I didn’t even realize that I was doing it while we were still living under the same roof. Now that I have some distance from it, I can clearly see how much I sacrificed for her, only for her to still go nuclear. A few things wi…
/r/Divorce_Men22/05/24 10:27 AM
2

Very good advice. I know that it often seems that expressing frustration with the situation to your lawyer seems like a good idea (perhaps they’ll fight harder for you or something goes the thinking), but in reality all you’re doing is paying to let of some steam. Always keep the “actionable” word in mind. Is this communication moving me closer to the goal? If so, then how and what are the next steps? If not, then put it in a journal, get some distance from the feelings by giving it some time, t…
/r/Divorce_Men16/05/24 10:19 AM
2

Yeah, it’s gonna suck for a while. My only advice is to let yourself wallow when you must, but set small goals each day. Accomplishing things start to compound and you’ll start to change your life. You can reorient yourself towards being the person you’d like to become. Pick a truly personal goal. What little step can you take today to get just that much closer? Maybe just spending five minutes thinking about what that goal is is a really good start. Honestly, I’ve never dealt with a more trauma…
/r/Divorce_Men19/04/24 11:39 PM
3

I finally found the gym at 39 because of this. It does help tremendously. It was that gut wrenching pain for the first month, then sleep slowly started returning month two. By three to four months, you’ll start getting the feeling of normalcy back. It’s gonna suck for a bit, but it will also become a memory faster than you realize. Remember that our character is built during our toughest times and not the happy ones. You will come out stronger because of this.
/r/Divorce_Men18/04/24 12:24 AM
3

That was so rough for a while. I experienced everything you just mentioned. It felt like I was withdrawing from opiates. The mental agony transformed into true physical pain. First, don’t get ahead of yourself. Don’t try and figure out if she’s seeing someone else. No good will come of that. Slowly but certainly, those thoughts will subside. It makes me unhappy to think about the possibility of her sleeping with someone else to this day, but I don’t think about it much anymore. Fortunately or un…
/r/Divorce_Men18/04/24 12:20 AM
5

You’re absolutely going to have to allow yourself to feel hurt at some point. What you wrote is almost exactly what I went through. From the restraining order to telling people I abused her and still hesitated to file. It took me a solid 18 months before I could truly move on. I still think about her occasionally, but it’s not the horror of not being able to sleep, eat, or think properly like it was for the first 6-8 weeks. My only advice is to try and keep the shame, resentment, pain, pleading,…
/r/Divorce_Men18/04/24 12:02 AM
3

And what are these opinions? Seems like the path of least resistance for you if what you’ve said so far it true. Get laid. Say goodbye. If you want to see them again, you set it up on your schedule.
/r/Divorce_Men26/03/24 05:14 PM
1

Sagacity with a roadmap! Nice one.
/r/Divorce_Men12/03/24 02:37 AM
3

Cool. Enjoy her company and let your mind run wild with anticipation, but do your best to approach this very real very likely flawed woman (just because we’re all flawed, nothing particular to her) with as much sobriety as possible once you’re actually together. Good luck, I know we’re all rooting for you.
/r/Divorce_Men12/03/24 02:34 AM
4

I think we’re both joking. But seriously, count the cats. Two is pushing it, three plus is a UN of red flags.
/r/Divorce_Men12/03/24 02:29 AM
4

Liking animals is cool, but think about a cat lady on pure rock cocaine and you’ve imagined ferret-woman.
/r/Divorce_Men12/03/24 02:18 AM
9

“Ya down wit PDP?” “Yeah you know me.”
/r/Divorce_Men12/03/24 02:14 AM
4

Mine has kept me away from my boys coming up on two years because one day she went crazy. I’ve spent every penny I have and am behind on child support (for children whose address I’m being prevented from knowing) because the fucking Guardian ad Litem says “we’ll she said it under oath”. The order is long gone but she moved 2000 miles away and daddy pays all of her legal bills, so I have to just sit and wait until I finally get to see my beloved boys again. We were together twenty years. Put as m…
/r/Divorce_Men09/03/24 12:29 AM
8

A frivolous TRO should be thrown out pretty quickly. It’s amazing that women can claim they’re “scared” and your world is completely destroyed. Good luck and I have nothing but the utmost sympathy for you.
/r/Divorce_Men09/03/24 12:21 AM
2

Can you go into a little more detail about why Plato has anything to do with this post?
/r/Divorce_Men17/02/24 05:15 PM
3

It gets better. It really does. No matter how hopeless it can feel sometimes, if you make even a slight effort to start focusing on yourself and stick to it, you’ll come out the other end stronger.
/r/Divorce_Men17/02/24 01:34 AM
6

She’s a vindictive despicable person. As I just wrote to someone else here-I get it. I still love to cunt that tried to bury me and continues to make my life as difficult as she can. I guess I’m just saying that who cares what she thinks? What about your boy? He wants his father. Fuck her. Your actions can stop taking her into account altogether. It’s liberating and yes, extremely difficult, but I believe in you. Your son believes in you.
/r/Divorce_Men17/02/24 01:32 AM
7

I totally understand. She was my world. Not as though I didn’t have a life outside of my marriage, but damn did I love this woman. She has proceeded to do everything she can to destroy me and yet I still can’t stop caring about her. I’m realistic and understanding that even if she froze hell and did a complete 180 that I’d never take her back, but the love isn’t gone yet. I just focus on the future and building the life that I want. It’s gonna be a long road, but I have a plan and I’m sticking t…
/r/Divorce_Men17/02/24 01:25 AM
11

This is the most difficult thing many of us will ever go through. It hurts like absolute hell for a long time. Your little dude needs you. Now, I’m not one to say that you should ever live for other people, but this is the exception. Some days are going to be worse than others. Some periods it feels like it’ll never end. All of the pain and suffering can be so overwhelming that taking yourself out can seem like the best option, but I assure you that you will have good days again. Please take it …
/r/Divorce_Men17/02/24 01:14 AM
2

Don’t wait for her to file. Just do it. You’ve only been married a very short time and even if she says she wants to reconcile, can you really ever trust this person in the long run. Going to other dude’s houses and strip joints without you is concerning enough, let alone being treated like garbage and doing all of the housework. Run from this situation. Don’t look for a pause button, they don’t exist and even if you could slow everything down, it’ll only prolong your suffering. This sucks and I…
/r/Divorce_Men12/02/24 10:59 AM
2

Reframing is so powerful! I certainly hope this fellow takes that first step and the next.
/r/Divorce_Men06/02/24 10:38 PM
2

This sounds like my exact experience and many others I’ve seen here. Good luck and you need to find a way to extricate yourself from this mess. I’m not necessarily saying you must divorce, but it is important to try radically different things than just hoping it’ll somehow correct itself.
/r/Divorce_Men05/02/24 03:17 PM
6

You’re in the wrong place. Sorry that this is happening to your pal, but divorce is usually brutal for all involved. Don’t help her move away from the child’s father. A kid needs both of their parents in their life.
/r/Divorce_Men29/01/24 11:30 AM
1

Huh? Wait a second. I don’t think this was you! I’m extremely familiar with this. Even worse and in AZ!
/r/Divorce_Men29/01/24 12:39 AM
1

If/when she tries to rope you into one of these circular conversations, find a good stock response to escape like “I’d love to chat more, but I’m really tired and have a big day tomorrow”. It’s hard to not engage, but it truly brings you zero benefit. Good luck with everything!
/r/Divorce_Men28/01/24 09:10 PM
6

I’m going through texts all the way back to 2015 now in an effort to combat her narrative of me being x, y, and z. It’s amazing how many people can live in their own righteousness without regard to reality. I guess I’m just another raised hand in the “Has anyone’s ex done Y?” questions we often see on this sub.
/r/Divorce_Men28/01/24 09:05 PM
3

What do you mean by middle aged? Middle school aged? Both parents should be in their children’s lives as long as there isn’t a real threat to their safety and security.
/r/Divorce_Men26/01/24 01:14 PM
2

No, unfortunately, you don’t. I’m learning the hard (cash) way.
/r/Divorce_Men26/01/24 12:54 AM
2

It gets a little moustache and chest hair?
/r/Divorce_Men10/01/24 11:09 AM
10

You are feeling something because she’s putting some pep in her chest for others. A completely natural reaction. It takes a long time (at least it did for me) to not be exercised about what they do. It’s repeated ad nauseum here, but they aren’t still the woman you loved and married. It’s been just over 18 months since the old lady absconded with my boys and last night I had one of those vivid dreams about her with another man and I woke up and was unfazed for the first time ever. It was revelat…
/r/Divorce_Men06/01/24 01:17 AM
4

That sounds like a truly wonderful holiday. I reconnected with a sister I hadn’t seen in years and it was a blast. Good things do happen in due course.
/r/Divorce_Men28/12/23 10:55 PM
8

You’re an awesome contributor here and always wondered about your own experience, but figured that what you want to tell you will. Thanks for sticking around and giving those of us still smarting a positive kick in the pants.
/r/Divorce_Men28/12/23 10:52 PM
0

I’m unfamiliar with horseshit wong, could you explain it to me in bullshit wong?
/r/Divorce_Men30/11/23 02:53 AM
1

I’m in the same boat. Unfortunately, this doesn’t seem to be as uncommon as it should be.
/r/Divorce_Men27/11/23 01:24 PM
1

And seeing as how I’m more likely to get a real answer here rather than goggling myself, what’s it mean? Is it kinda like raked over the coals or bent over?
/r/Divorce_Men27/11/23 12:18 PM
3

Flick the bean*
/r/Divorce_Men26/11/23 09:41 PM
3

Ah, so you’re an acid bro.
/r/Divorce_Men13/11/23 01:34 PM
5

Hey everyone! I found the dude on shrooms!
/r/Divorce_Men13/11/23 06:19 AM
3

The natural state of things is inaction. If you would like to change the that the burden of proof is on you, not the person who does not want to take an action. This goes both ways. Let’s say that your ex wanted to put the kid in therapy. It’s up to her to make a case why that’s better than doing nothing.
/r/Divorce_Men11/11/23 10:30 PM
3

I don’t want to pry too much, but abuse covers a wide variety of actions and many of them are not straightforward physical actions. What type of abuse did you suffer? How long were you together? Is this something new or has it been going on for a long time? Is he struggling with something like job loss, a death of a close friend or family member, etc.? I will say that it’s extremely difficult to be completely disconnected from a person you spent so much time with and I likened it to opiate or dr…
/r/Divorce_Men22/10/23 12:06 PM
2

Gentlemen, Let’s keep in mind this is the fog of war in regards to this story. Lots more information will come to light in the future. We’ve been hurt and hearing about someone who took drastic action can feel vindicating for a moment, but please remember that unless we know the whole story(or significantly more), this didn’t get this man any closer to what we want….happiness, our children, and the best future for ourselves. Being pushed to the breaking point is something most of us have felt. I…
/r/Divorce_Men21/10/23 01:31 AM
4

Awesome that you’re getting yourself together before the inevitable (and who knows, maybe you’ll hit the powerball of relationships and she sees your drive and gets the fire under her rear as well?). Sounds like you’re doing the right things for the most part. I’d have put away a lot more cash. Money is always going to be the most useful resource and figuring out how to stash assets in a relatively liquid form is number one. Precious metals are always a good alternative to cash. Very liquid and …
/r/Divorce_Men09/10/23 05:55 PM
2

This truly is uncalled for. Glass houses. I’m sure this person is a beacon of all that is good in the world and this is why they feel that they can cast stones.
/r/Divorce_Men03/10/23 11:35 AM
1

Immediately! Especially if she’s keeping the children from you. Only communicate through a medium that can be documented (text and email). Do not confront her, do not ever raise your voice. Assume she is recording everything and if you’re not, start. While you’re married without a divorce proceeding, she can keep the children from you indefinitely. You need to get on this ASAP!
/r/Divorce_Men03/10/23 10:58 AM
2

Turn to phone on vibrate. Try to find something else to concentrate on tonight. If you can sleep, awesome. Don’t engage tonight, it’s only going to prolong the situation and/or make it worse. I wish you luck. I know how hard this is, but you will make it through no matter what happens.
/r/Divorce_Men29/09/23 03:40 AM
2

Why don’t we have a middle finger emoji?
/r/Divorce_Men29/09/23 03:01 AM
1

So you’re the affair partner wondering why your dude won’t leave his wife? Holy shit, this is so much worse than I originally thought and that was heinous in and of itself. Lady, you have a life to live. Do you want to wear the scarlet letter of Homewrecker? If he wanted you, it would’ve happened and you wouldn’t be here.
/r/Divorce_Men29/09/23 02:58 AM
0

I like your attitude, but your advice unfortunately opens him up to terrible consequences. Once he’s chill is when the work begins. You think she has the impunity to go after him if she doesn’t have something up her sleeve? Women (or anyone for that matter) don’t fly off the handle without feeling justified. Imagine: He comes in—Aww baby I just want to make this better. Her in mood A—Well, you were a dick but I’ll forgive you. Her in Mood B—Well, it’s time to rip your cock off like one of Michae…
/r/Divorce_Men29/09/23 02:38 AM
2

I was just fortunate that she was sloppy enough to leave enough crazy evidence behind to keep it all in my back pocket. One day, one day.
/r/Divorce_Men29/09/23 02:30 AM
2

A smarter man than I.
/r/Divorce_Men29/09/23 02:29 AM
2

And here lies the problem. Generally as men, running to the cops (let alone documenting) is seen and felt as weakness. Sounds like you regret not taking your own advice too. Please, that’s not a jab. I still recoil at the thought of using all of the heinous shit the old bat has done to me against her, but she’s pushed me very close to nuclear. If only there were such a thing as a surgical h-bomb.
/r/Divorce_Men29/09/23 02:26 AM
0

Huh? I want to live in your world.
/r/Divorce_Men29/09/23 01:48 AM
9

Your username tells me that you’re a smart fella. You understand what’s going on. This doesn’t end well if you don’t steel yourself for the inevitable. Some of us understand the underlying context and some need it spelled out. I understand exactly what you’re saying. Be careful. You’re about to get hit with a DV charge.
/r/Divorce_Men29/09/23 01:47 AM
2

If you have never seen “When We Were Kings”, watch it ASAP! Best fight movie/documentary ever.
/r/Divorce_Men28/09/23 05:53 PM
2

Oof. As though you’re a newborn and it’s just another part of the routine. Sorry.
/r/Divorce_Men22/09/23 10:39 PM
15

Hinge has been the best of the three I’ve tried. No need to put divorced in your profile. It’ll come up naturally (always does at some point). I’m 40 too and was with my old lady for 20 years. It’s tough as dating has changed so much in those twenty years, but do a quick google search about how to craft a good profile and get yourself out there. Don’t be surprised if it takes a little while to get some traction. A ton of these women are there solely for pen pals and personal validation.
/r/Divorce_Men22/09/23 12:45 AM
2

3 and 5. They love me and miss me so much. I’ve only seen them for four hours on four different days in 15 months. I’m sorry that your ex has poisoned the well to such a degree. They will come around, but it may take a long long time.
/r/Divorce_Men22/09/23 12:35 AM
3

I feel you. Same exact situation and I finally threw in the towel last week. I wasn’t any closer to seeing my boys again. Judge wouldn’t allow any defense of her wild accusations. I’m out of funds. I begged and borrowed every penny I could. I would go without eating for the few days before a paycheck every other week. Well, my lawyer says “good news, you can drop it completely as she never filed a counterclaim. I just called the clerk and was told no, they have nothing on file”. Come to find out…
/r/Divorce_Men22/09/23 12:03 AM
3

I left Arizona and went to Maine! I’m happy here.
/r/Divorce_Men21/09/23 03:07 PM
11

She’s trying to reestablish some relationship with you. Unless you suspect she’s that whacked out on drugs or booze by 11am, it seems like she’s trying to stay in your mind, which seems to be working. What do you want out of a relationship with her, if you want one at all? Be honest with yourself about what’s realistic and what you truly want. Unfortunately, you’ll most likely have to continue interacting with her on some level because of the kid.
/r/Divorce_Men21/09/23 03:51 AM
2

Good luck tomorrow! I hope you have fun no matter what happens and it’s your first foray back into the strange world of dating.
/r/Divorce_Men21/09/23 12:43 AM
1

Awesome! Protection? Like a bodyguard? Is she that buff?
/r/Divorce_Men19/09/23 07:30 PM
2

Have you guys met yet? What was the outcome?
/r/Divorce_Men19/09/23 07:13 PM
1

You have a choice. Either ignore it or two can play that game. Put up a list of (perhaps imaginary) women that you’ve been sleeping with facing outward from your door and in what ways they’re better looking and how the sex was better with them. Make sure they’re all at least five years younger than she is.
/r/Divorce_Men19/09/23 06:52 PM
5

Enjoy yourself and if it feels right then go for it. The first new one lady after a very long relationship is strange, but you’ve gotta start somewhere. Be honest with yourself. Does she turn you on? Could you clobber your meat baton to completion unaided to the thought of getting down with her? Take it from there.
/r/Divorce_Men15/09/23 10:29 PM
1

I completely understand being in this rock and hard place situation. What city and state do you live in? I’m just trying to get creative here with you. We both know that she’s behaving until she’s not and there’s no way to tell when she’ll pop. I’m gonna wrack my brain and see if I can help (if you want me to, I’m not trying to white knight here, but I’m just so bummed that you’re in this pickle.
/r/Divorce_Men13/09/23 11:28 PM
1

Do you have any one else in the area that you can spend a few nights with if you can’t afford a hotel/motel room? You have to get yourself and the kids out immediately.
/r/Divorce_Men13/09/23 10:39 PM
2

Absolutely great advice. I hope he listens to you. As the receiver of a fallacious order of protection, I will almost never recommend getting one whether it’s justified or not, but this is absolutely a serious matter with what he stated.
/r/Divorce_Men13/09/23 10:36 PM
2

You need to file the Order of Protection immediately! Remove yourself and the children if necessary. Do it under false pretenses if necessary. “Hey, we’re just to get some ice cream” and find somewhere else to stay for the next couple days. If she’s threatened suicide, and recently been involuntarily committed, I hate to be a fear monger, but it’s a short jump to murder-suicide. You need to protect your children. That’s your number one priority, not her feelings or well being right now. Don’t dr…
/r/Divorce_Men13/09/23 10:32 PM
2

Phew, as long as that c*nt is gone I don’t see why your everyday, run of the mill implosion quip would be off-limits!
/r/Divorce_Men13/09/23 06:42 AM
2

Way too soon! Is Rose even dead yet you monster?
/r/Divorce_Men13/09/23 04:19 AM
6

I hope you can right the ship that is your current marriage, but if it capsizes, hopefully you only buy another vessel and keep it your own and solely yours(not getting married again if that was too convoluted)!
/r/Divorce_Men12/09/23 03:50 PM
0

Can you have a third party message her for the items and make a lowball offer for everything? Hey, at least you might be able to get your furniture back!?!
/r/Divorce_Men12/09/23 03:48 PM
1

Absolutely! It sounds like we were both blind to it because our vows meant something to us and you push through the difficult times with your partner because everyone has “off” days. Well, when off days turn into off months, becoming off years, to off decade and it still didn’t sink in, I can’t imagine it ever would have for me without the outside opinions of those close to me. Are you back in the dating scene or still holding off?
/r/Divorce_Men12/09/23 02:14 PM
2

It’s something that didn’t occur to me either until after we split. It seems good friends hold their tongue while you’re still with somebody, even if they don’t particularly care for your partner. Now that it’s been pointed out to me that she rarely smiled, I can go back through the mental catalog and see just how right my friends and family are. I’m glad to hear that that realization is helping you move forward. It’s definitely helped me as well.
/r/Divorce_Men12/09/23 01:50 PM
2

Yo. I’m super sorry. The balls you showed during the exposition are admirable, yet it will never be easy to deal with betrayal. One foot in front of the other from here on out. Chances are, this next part won’t be easy, but your constitution seems ready for the future. I wish you the best and I promise that there are many more fish in the sea once your ready for angling again.
/r/Divorce_Men09/09/23 05:32 AM
2

You haven’t actually divorced if every decision you make is guided by what your ex wants. You might have to not see your kids for a bit, but fella it’s time to live your own life. Good luck.
/r/Divorce_Men02/09/23 12:39 AM
3

I appreciate all of this tremendously. When it comes to fight, I have to take it one step at a time. I won’t be willing to lie. I will have to face the fact that that means I won’t see my boys at all for a while. I need to rebuild my finances and become stable as this past year has thrown me into utter chaos. I don’t mean mentally. I only mean financially. Yes, I get sad about the situation, but have no trouble (fortunately) with deep depression or anything of that sort. I went from an 820 credi…
/r/Divorce_Men30/08/23 12:53 PM
13

I was just hung up on during one of my three 15 minute FaceTimes per week because I asked my boys if mama has told them when they can see papa again. She didn’t like that and click. They were gone. It’s all about control. I’m sorry and I hope your dad is doing better.
/r/Divorce_Men29/08/23 11:44 AM
23

It is mind boggling. It seems to me that the social stigma attached to a single female parent is gone and there are enough harpies out there who will encourage them to abandon their man that they are prone to continual fixation on the negative to justify their leaving. I sure can’t speak for everyone, but it seems like a common refrain that we fellas focus on the good in our wives and they focus on our deficiencies. It’s terrible for our children. I wish I had the answers, but I know that while …
/r/Divorce_Men28/08/23 10:14 PM
1

Really? I hope you’re exaggerating. I’m being forced to pay for one and have had all of the charges thrown at me that you would expect-Substance Abuse, DV, abandonment, etc. I’m very much trying to figure out what level of co-operation I’m willing to give honestly with this person. Did you personally have interaction with a GAL?
/r/Divorce_Men26/08/23 10:31 PM
2

No they weren’t. She tried, but was denied. Still wouldn’t let me be with them. I had to file for divorce! If she was so scared of me I can’t wrap my head around still wanting to be married. It’s insanity at its finest. Good luck and I’m wishing you the best. Hang in there, your kids will thank you when they’re older.
/r/Divorce_Men25/08/23 11:47 AM
4

And you didn’t fight the restraining order in court? Hey, I get it. My ex constantly uses the kids as pawns. Claims she’s scared of me, substance abuse, the whole nine yards. She got a restraining order on me for a year (which I idiotically didn’t fight) for claiming that I called her a secretive bitch. It fortunately has lapsed, but she refuses to let me see my boys, so I’ve been fighting for 14 months to be with them again. She’s stalled at every single point and now I have to shell out for a …
/r/Divorce_Men25/08/23 11:40 AM
3

What’s the story with the restraining order? That could be the key to all of this. I’m sorry you’re going through this. I am as well and I just have to be patient and keep moving forward.
/r/Divorce_Men25/08/23 11:31 AM
1

Please try to be a bit more specific. Your syntax makes understanding your question very difficult. Is the ex running an illegal enterprise? What have they done with the proceeds (profit) from this undertaking?
/r/Divorce_Men24/08/23 12:25 AM
2

I have a group of 6 friends that I’ve known for close to thirty years. They’ve been a lot of help through this, all but one is still happily married. The one who’s divorcing still has a decent relationship with his ex and his life didn’t actually change too much so while they all offer support, none really know what to say except check on me occasionally. I’m at least lucky to still have these dudes to talk to if I ever get really down, but I try to keep it to myself as much as possible.
/r/Divorce_Men23/08/23 05:28 AM
2

Goddamn it man! You need to get out more. Do you ball like a baby in public? Have you tried picking a woman up out in the wild? Find a bar you like that’s likely to have attractive women, post up for a few days and ask at least one out per night. Get ready for rejection and feeling out of your comfort zone. It does wonders just to get a chick’s number. You just need some proof that your desirable again. It’s not going to erase those feelings completely but it will make you damn happy to know you…
/r/Divorce_Men17/08/23 01:35 AM
2

Thank you. It’s alright and can only get better. It’s our difficult times which build character, not the easy smooth ones. I wish you nothing but success in your journey.
/r/Divorce_Men17/08/23 01:28 AM
10

It’s so befuddling. They decided to blow up a family and get rewarded. Everyone seems to understand incentives and how they influence behavior in all other aspects of life but this one realm. My ex-crazy out of the blue took my two boys one day and prevented me from seeing them in person for 13 months, ignored all of my requests to be a part of their healthcare and education decisions, and only is now allowing me to see them for 4 hours over two days because a court is forcing her to do so. Yet,…
/r/Divorce_Men17/08/23 12:48 AM
3

The one year mark is a big one and the amount of time it took me to feel whole again.
/r/Divorce_Men16/08/23 03:29 PM
3

I found that the first few months were brutal and had the same feelings as being in drug withdrawal. Even though you weren’t happy per say, your brain had become acclimated to this person and their lack of presence is having a similar effect upon you. Just like drug dependence, you and your brain will heal given enough time. Keep moving forward! Good luck.
/r/Divorce_Men16/08/23 03:28 PM
17

I understand the feeling of curiosity, but unless you’re ready to end what you have now with the current lady friend, imagine how you would feel if she went out for drinks with her ex.
/r/Divorce_Men14/08/23 10:15 PM
4

Holy shit! I’ve been in that boat too! Now if they don’t have a full head to toe picture in the profile I’m not talking to them. I don’t know how they’ve gotten so good at the angles of the pictures, but I swore the broad was 30-40 pounds lighter and was seriously about to walk out as soon as I saw her and realized what happened. I was polite and had a drink with her, but took off after the one.
/r/Divorce_Men13/08/23 12:56 PM
3

Be aware that an order of protection is most likely coming soon. Fight it like your life depends on it if it does happen. It’ll screw your chances for being with your children if it stays in place even if your kids aren’t on it. I’m so sorry this happened. I am a little confused about what happened though. Are you already separated? Were you living together until she took off last night? Any which way, you need to get an attorney ASAP. I hate to say this, but bad things are about to happen and y…
/r/Divorce_Men13/08/23 12:49 PM
2

First things first. Talk to a lawyer as soon as you can. I would still record surreptitiously just so you have something to show a lawyer, but chances are that it won’t be able to directly used in that form. I very much like the other person who said that you should just verbally announce that you’re recording and if they keep at it, then it’s tacit consent. Again, this is a legal question and best directed to an attorney. Good luck and keep your calm. That’s by far the most important thing.
/r/Divorce_Men12/08/23 12:09 AM
1

This is brilliant!
/r/Divorce_Men11/08/23 12:47 PM
3

Thank you. It’s important (I think anyway) to square reality with your own perspective and experience. The best method I’ve found is asking yourself how well do your thoughts and wishes predict the future? If you tend to see an outcome more often then 50/50, chances are that your view of the world fits reality. Good luck with getting back out there. There really are so many women, it’s just a matter of knowing where to look and what to look out for.
/r/Divorce_Men06/08/23 12:30 PM
1

Perhaps you meant that mockingly, but I really appreciate it. I hope you have a great night.
/r/Divorce_Men06/08/23 04:02 AM
1

Do what you need to do in terms of deleting this. I wish you nothing but the best and please feel free to DM me anytime you wanna talk. It’s going to be easy to feel that everything is stacked against you, but if you keep going and put one foot in front of the other, you will come out on top.
/r/Divorce_Men06/08/23 03:37 AM
11

They don’t. I’m sorry to break it to you. I suppose I shouldn’t be so definitive, but unicorns are an endangered species to say the least. Remember, she’s built her ego around this and used confirmation bias to make herself comfortable with what happened. Introspection is something that very few of us can do productively. That’s step number one. There are multiple steps for someone to take before they can take responsibility for their actions and none are easy. Just think about how many people s…
/r/Divorce_Men05/08/23 11:32 AM
11

Hinge has produced the best results for me. Spend a few bucks if necessary and buy the lowest level of all of them for a month, then drop any that don’t pay any dividends. Hinge is free and I think there are free versions of a lot of them. From what I understand, certain locations have more traffic on particular sites than others. I would definitely stay away from Puddle of Flesh (Plenty of Fish).
/r/Divorce_Men05/08/23 02:34 AM
5

You’re going to have to beg and borrow for an attorney. Do not try to represent yourself. I’m very sorry you’re going through this. Many of us have and it’s extremely painful, but will get better eventually.
/r/Divorce_Men05/08/23 01:45 AM
2

Yes. You won’t be able to move on if you’re still jealous of a woman you filed first. You need to put the pussy down and find new poon. Once you get a new piece, the worry about her with someone else will slowly fade.
/r/Divorce_Men04/08/23 09:48 PM
2

It depends I suppose on where in the States you are, but I like Puerto Penasco (Rocky Point). Only a couple hour drive from the AZ border, cheap accommodation, cheap beautiful women, beaches, and the pharmacies carry everything you could ever want (I stocked up on testosterone and HGH). Any of the resort areas are safer, but obviously much more expensive.
/r/Divorce_Men03/08/23 03:48 PM
6

He can easily get Jesus in him in Mexico. There are a ton of Jesus’ and I imagine if he’s diligent, he’ll find a Jesus willing to enter him.
/r/Divorce_Men03/08/23 02:00 PM
-1

Mexico is a good option.
/r/Divorce_Men03/08/23 01:59 PM
13

I’ve created my freedom. Like anything, there are ups and downs. It does feel great to wake everyday and realize that my course is my own. Mantra: I get to decide whether I wake with a smile or a frown. Smiles cost nothing and bring more smiles into my life.
/r/Divorce_Men01/08/23 02:12 AM
1

The charcoal also gives that slight mindfuck of history.
/r/Divorce_Men31/07/23 11:52 PM
1

Charcoal grey with your black snappers. You can get away with black shoes in navy, but blue boots are the best option (very difficult to find with limited time). DM me. I’ll walk you through your wardrobe and get you lookin spiffy. Not too over the top, but composed. You don’t need to spend tons of dough on clothes to look good. Just need to know what you’re looking for.
/r/Divorce_Men31/07/23 11:49 PM
3

Does Papa John’s still have that 8-ball deal? 2 pies, a broad, and a bag for $250?
/r/Divorce_Men31/07/23 11:04 PM
1

What color is your suit?
/r/Divorce_Men31/07/23 07:09 PM
2

You can find a nice pair of shoes at a Goodwill or Salvation Army. Dude, these are your kids your talking about. Anything (I really mean anything) you can think of to give yourself a leg up with appearance, courtesy, calm, demeanor will go farther than the most expensive attorney and your nonchalance. Show how important this is through your appearance and demeanor.
/r/Divorce_Men31/07/23 01:08 AM
7

This is great! Why this has to be passed into law and not the standard nationwide, I can’t comprehend.
/r/Divorce_Men29/07/23 04:36 PM
10

From what I understand, this is very common. Honestly, there’s a good chance that she just didn’t want to sever all connection with you and this was all she had left. Is it right? Absolutely not. Bitches be crazy. Take her to the cleaners good man!
/r/Divorce_Men25/07/23 12:56 PM
1

Burnham is amazing!
/r/Divorce_Men25/07/23 06:10 AM
3

48 Laws of Power The Art of War The Fountainhead and Atlas Shrugged How to Win Friends and Influence People Win Bigly Pre-suasion and Influence There are so many good books, but hopefully at least there’s one or two on that list that resonate with you.
/r/Divorce_Men24/07/23 02:55 PM
2

Such a wonderful tome, isn’t it?
/r/Divorce_Men24/07/23 02:22 PM
1

Yup. I made this mistake and it has become a nightmare. Even if you don’t have a ton of money, you need a lawyer. You can file before you retain one. There are paralegal services that will prepare the documents for you for a couple hundred dollars if you need help.
/r/Divorce_Men24/07/23 12:48 PM
7

Has someone been reading “The 48 Laws of Power”?
/r/Divorce_Men24/07/23 10:55 AM
1

You couldn’t be more on point. This is all about control. I’m so sick of their mother using them as pawns. That’s the hardest part.
/r/Divorce_Men23/07/23 11:41 PM
1

That I was abusive. Her one and only claim was that I called her a secretive bitch. In Arizona, where this all went down, I guess that’s enough. She also said that she feared for her life, that I would potentially harm her or my children if I were allowed to be around them. I have never laid a hand on my family and the only violence that ever happened in our relationship was when she punched me in the face so hard a few years ago that I thought she broke my jaw.
/r/Divorce_Men23/07/23 11:27 AM
1

You can’t worry about her blaming you. I know it’s tempting to try and save this person you saved for years, but you didn’t force her to make a suicide claim. The financial consequences are hers and hers alone.
/r/Divorce_Men22/07/23 12:57 PM
2

Wonderful advice. You spelled it out clearly. Great work.
/r/Divorce_Men22/07/23 12:51 PM
1

DM me if I can be of assistance. Don’t document and show to the judge anything that isn’t egregious on the ex’s part. Still document, but keep most of it to yourself. You will most likely have to accept 50/50 is the best you’ll get. What is your ex trying to pin on you and what custody breakdown is she asking for?
/r/Divorce_Men22/07/23 11:33 AM
1

Don’t do anything about the ex. If you need to have a conversation with your new lady, then do so. Other than that, carry on as if nothing happened.
/r/Divorce_Men20/07/23 01:31 PM
5

I’d love it. I Definitely don’t expect anything as she’s the most pig-headed individual I’ve ever met, but would still be nice. I’m glad that yours was able to actually say something to your son. I’m sure that was the best part.
/r/Divorce_Men19/07/23 03:28 PM
1

You need to file immediately! I was in a very very similar situation and screwed up by not filing immediately believing that this was some kind of strange event (yes, hormones had a lot to do with it as well) and missed my window to get resolution quickly. Don’t even wait until you retain an attorney. Print the forms (you can get help from a paralegal if you need help filling them out) and get her served! This will at least put the brakes on her leaving the state.
/r/Divorce_Men19/07/23 02:36 PM
3

It’s $25 a week (he mistyped), but your point stands. Just involving the lawyers is a sign of her crazy. I can see both sides of this one in regards to his reaction. If he rolls over for this and doesn’t put his foot down, then it escalates every time and she does everything possible to suck him dry. Just paying the $25/week is cheaper short term, but again sets up a situation where she still gets to control everything (which is why she filed the OoP, etc.). Hey OP, I would ask my lawyer to hold…
/r/Divorce_Men19/07/23 03:29 AM
1

Of course I would prefer a stable person. I’m sure we agree about everything, I was only pointing out that I’m not sure that there’s such a creature alive (a person who doesn’t have mood swings). I wish you a wonderful evening.
/r/Divorce_Men19/07/23 02:31 AM
2

Ok, very true. Yet, most women in general tend to be “moodier” than men. Obviously not all, but on balance. If we stayed away from having children with someone that had mood swings, I think there’d be a population crash!
/r/Divorce_Men19/07/23 01:52 AM
3

C’mon, everyone has mood swings from time to time. Severity is the real problem.
/r/Divorce_Men19/07/23 12:32 AM
14

There were a number of days when it first went down where I hoped to not wake up. I’m now just over a year out and can honestly say that feeling is far away and quite far behind me. It’s the only time I’ve ever considered pulling the plug. I had no idea at the time how I could possibly move on, but move on I did. I still have a lot of rebuilding of my material life to go, but I’m mentally in a better place than I think I ever have been. Any man reading this thread and having thoughts of hitting …
/r/Divorce_Men18/07/23 12:22 AM
2

Her driveway’s occupied by a new truck A new man is eating her peach cobbler Her dam has been breached by Hurricane Julio
/r/Divorce_Men17/07/23 05:41 AM
5

I think someone’s already stuck their finger in her pie. She’s found a way to add sausage to the turducken. Someone’s pouring more than wine into her (gl)ass. There’s a new baguette going in her oven. She just realized that she likes to eat man-mayo. She’s been slurping his macho-gazpacho. Oh this is fun. I may have to come back and add more.
/r/Divorce_Men17/07/23 04:04 AM
4

I’m gonna be a little contrarian here. Most of you are absolutely right to shove it in the dude’s face if he’s already acknowledged infidelity and rightly so, especially if there’s the “but I wanna work it out” mentality. There still are plenty of women (most likely a minority and probably a small minority, but really none of us know for certain) that do just leave. They’ve had enough for one reason or another and split. The assumption that seems to be ever present here is that they obviously ha…
/r/Divorce_Men17/07/23 03:57 AM
3

How old is your child?
/r/Divorce_Men17/07/23 03:09 AM
2

Why did you go back to court then? This doesn’t make sense. Can you provide for your children alone? Does your ex see your children? You seem to be trying to understand and if you truly are here in good faith, you’ll find many people who will be willing to talk to you, but something isn’t adding up.
/r/Divorce_Men17/07/23 02:57 AM
6

Whoa, dude! Stop and check yourself right fucking now. This is not a person who deserves anything from you besides what a court has ordered. Why are you stressing about this at all?
/r/Divorce_Men17/07/23 02:53 AM
2

I think your intentions are good, but goddamn are you infuriating. Life isn’t fair. The concept of fairness is for women, children, and the retarded.
/r/Divorce_Men17/07/23 02:46 AM
7

Here’s the problem young lady. You keep talking about intuition. Cut that shit out. Once a marriage has ended there is no more of that hocus pocus. Most of us were completely blindsided by a person we would’ve died for because their “intuition” we didn’t understand. No, we’re not all on the spectrum we’re regular dudes who got the shaft because of our loved ones “intuition”. I definitely don’t want you to think that I’m ragging on you because of your genitals, if a dude said that here, he’d get …
/r/Divorce_Men17/07/23 02:35 AM
3

It’s not intuition. It’s how people interact with each other. “Hey, can I borrow five bucks?” “Sure, what do you need?” “I’m not telling you, are you going to do it or not?” “Get fucked!”
/r/Divorce_Men17/07/23 02:27 AM
6

Sagittarius Queen is thinking that Jupiter is out of orbit and therefore bitches be right.
/r/Divorce_Men17/07/23 01:25 AM
7

What the fuck are you talking about? She won’t tell him why she needs it early. If there’s a legit reason, you say something. “My hemorrhoids prevented me from picking up my government funds this week and we have a zelle thing, I’ll be ok in a day or two, but jeebus my ass hurts” is better than fuck you pay me!
/r/Divorce_Men17/07/23 12:57 AM
10

You unexpectedly ran out of dough. If there’s no give, there’s no take. Reach into your pants right now, grab your balls. If they’re still there you know the way.
/r/Divorce_Men17/07/23 12:53 AM
15

Ask straight up. “What’s going on?” “I’ll always help if our little people need something, but this is strange, please tell me what you need and if I can, I will”. This kind of inquiry gets to the heart of the matter. Don’t run to your lawyer unless you get an indication that your kid is in danger. Setting up the more, earlier, and on call payment daddy is not the road to travel. At least get an inkling of what’s different.
/r/Divorce_Men16/07/23 11:39 PM
1

I’m so sorry. I had the same situation. Do you have a lawyer yet? The longer it takes before you see/talk to the kids the harder it is to protect your rights. You need to act immediately.
/r/Divorce_Men16/07/23 07:06 PM
1

Oof! That sucks. I feel for you. Get out your phone or computer and find a guided meditation on YouTube when those pangs of awfulness come. It may not solve everything but will help give you a few minutes of peace and distance from the pain. For me it was too easy to pick up the bottle at first. I found that I needed better coping skills and I found that to be a great way to refocus much of the time. Sometimes I still went to the bottle afterwards, but eventually I stopped drinking to stop the p…
/r/Divorce_Men16/07/23 11:48 AM
2

That’s absolutely amazing! Congratulations!
/r/Divorce_Men15/07/23 05:06 AM
32

When you’ve been with someone for a long time, you can pick up very subtle differences in their behavior. I started getting agitated about a week before mine ran away. I knew something was up.
/r/Divorce_Men14/07/23 08:32 PM
1

Thank you. Unfortunately, I don’t have a custody decree yet. I started this process 9 months ago and it’s infuriating, but I stay patient and positive. I’ll at least get to see them in exactly one week after 13 months.
/r/Divorce_Men14/07/23 07:22 PM
1

Thank you for this. I no longer am in AZ and neither are my children or stbx. How can I find this info for Maine? You’ve been a tremendous help and I greatly appreciated it.
/r/Divorce_Men14/07/23 04:42 PM
8

You’re only an asshole for wasting money on marriage counseling😉. You tried, we all tried. Now it is time to move forward.
/r/Divorce_Men14/07/23 12:14 AM
2

This was great! Thanks.
/r/Divorce_Men13/07/23 11:55 PM
1

Ok. Just a suggestion.
/r/Divorce_Men13/07/23 08:46 PM
2

I’m with you on this one. Even though we’re in the minority, I think if he can get it settled quickly it’s going to be best. I think we also need to know how much she’s asking for in CS. If it’s negligible, say $50 a week, that’s the same as paying an attorney the five grand and by the time their daughter is 18 it’s a wash anyway. Probably a good idea to get a few free consultations to get the lay of the land and have a game plan, but definitely don’t tell your ex that you have.
/r/Divorce_Men13/07/23 07:48 PM
1

Why not pretend that you’d consider reconciliation? You can keep the process going but say something like “we might be able to have something if we just start completely fresh. We’ll get back to scratch and see if we can make it work”. It would give her some false hope yes, but if she’s already being vindictive, then you may potentially buy yourself enough time to get the paperwork filed and the divorce wrapped up. I’m not for sure suggesting this, but just an idea.
/r/Divorce_Men13/07/23 07:39 PM
1

What are you thinking? It’s court ordered. We agreed and then it was solidified at a case management conference.
/r/Divorce_Men13/07/23 04:14 PM
1

Correct. A parent can travel with their children. In the law’s eyes, if there isn’t a divorce proceeding or court ordered custody arrangement, then it’s assumed the marriage is intact and it is not considered kidnapping.
/r/Divorce_Men13/07/23 12:55 PM
1

Thank you and I wish you a quick and painless resolution to your situation.
/r/Divorce_Men13/07/23 10:53 AM
1

Perhaps in CA, but not in AZ where this happened. She got a year long order of protection solely based on her claim that I called her a secretive bitch. The children aren’t on the order, but since she doesn’t have to disclose where she is then I don’t have any recourse beside the court. Even before the order of protection was issued the police wouldn’t help and the dozen attorneys I spoke to all said the same thing.
/r/Divorce_Men13/07/23 10:50 AM
3

I have found myself in this exact situation and have been fighting to see my children for over a year now. 10’s of thousands of dollars and I still don’t have a decree yet. Fortunately she relented to at least setting up two dates when I can see them again at my ex-in-laws. I’m very excited. Next Friday and I finally get to hug my boys again!
/r/Divorce_Men13/07/23 10:40 AM
1

If you’re still married a spouse can take the kids anywhere they want for as long as they want. Unfortunately, until divorce is filed and a court order granted, there’s nothing one can do.
/r/Divorce_Men13/07/23 09:13 AM
9

You have nothing to lose by demanding even more. Doesn’t mean you’ll get it, but what exactly do you have to lose? If you start from asking for the world, you have room to move to the center. If you start by asking for the minimum you’ll accept, you have nothing left to concede.
/r/Divorce_Men12/07/23 04:50 PM
2

Pheww. I was wondering if we’d hear from you today. Happy Birthday. Keep at it. If you need to get hammered tonight, then do it. Don’t get yourself into trouble, but it’s ok to get down for your birthday. I just celebrated my 40th. Alone, without my kids, and having just gotten canned two days prior. My dog ran away without his collar on. It was a pretty shitty day. Yet, two months later and I have a much better job, finally have a date to see my kids again after over a year, and things are look…
/r/Divorce_Men11/07/23 06:07 PM
10

What a fucked up place! I grew up in Moorestown and got the fuck out at 18. Why are you staying in Jersey? Kids?
/r/MensRights11/07/23 05:32 PM
23

She needs to justify her actions. If she didn’t then how would she sleep at night? It has to be your fault or it would dawn on her that she’s a terrible person.
/r/Divorce_Men11/07/23 02:36 PM
1

It won’t if you give up. Like the old saying: If you don’t believe you can do it, you’re right.
/r/Divorce_Men11/07/23 01:59 PM
3

Hank Williams Jr. really went overboard there for a while 😉!
/r/Divorce_Men11/07/23 12:32 PM
2

I’m curious about neurotransmitters and how they change by going through this process. There seem to be many similarities between opiate withdrawal and heartbreak.
/r/Divorce_Men11/07/23 11:39 AM
2

Yup. They can go wherever they want and take the kids until there’s a court order of some kind in place. You can as well.
/r/Divorce_Men11/07/23 02:53 AM
16

A couples therapist’s job is to tell women that they’re always right and their husband is wrong. Do not go to these people. If a therapist told women the truth, they wouldn’t be a therapist very long.
/r/Divorce_Men10/07/23 10:15 PM
2

Perhaps I misunderstood. So I apologize. I do regularly see posts where there is the attitude of “let’s just all walk away and show them!”
/r/Divorce_Men10/07/23 01:27 PM
2

My only recommendation is to start consults with divorce attorneys who only practice in the divorce/family law realm. There are a ton out there that do criminal/family/trust law, etc. Get a specialist. Sorry I don’t have any info on the specific firm mentioned.
/r/Divorce_Men10/07/23 01:03 PM
-3

That’s called losing and it’s a losers attitude. Maybe play the game differently. Pretend not to play the game. Figure out a workaround. Framing it as winning to never get laid is for chumps.
/r/Divorce_Men10/07/23 05:26 AM
4

Seriously? Really? You think men are going to boycott laying pipe unless the lump under them has a verified clean bill of never being a bitch? What planet do you live on?
/r/Divorce_Men10/07/23 05:24 AM
0

It’s great that you have this concern for this poor bastard in her past. Someone who may still love her. Yet, as long as you understand what this woman is capable of, then poke it. You’re clearly not a terrible person.
/r/Divorce_Men10/07/23 05:21 AM
5

I just had this realization today. Heartbreak is exactly like prolonged opiate withdrawal.
/r/Divorce_Men10/07/23 05:13 AM
3

I see someone likes free markets!
/r/Divorce_Men10/07/23 05:11 AM
1

You sorta missed the story part. What did happen? We want to hear the details but I don’t even know what to ask. Why did it take five years?
/r/Divorce_Men07/07/23 09:06 PM
1

Hey Bud! I’m in Bridgton. Whereabouts are you?
/r/Divorce_Men07/07/23 04:06 PM
3

Everyone here is correct. Very similar situation happened to me and I didn’t follow this advice until it was too late I actually didn’t get any advice at the time. Frankly I think I was too shocked and ashamed to reach out to anyone. I did get multiple consultations with attorneys, but was too big a puss to file. In retrospect, I’m not too bummed about that because I would have had to stay in the state in which it happened if I had filed immediately. I ended up filing about three months later af…
/r/Divorce_Men07/07/23 01:28 PM
1

Yup. Mine are still on vacation in AZ.
/r/Divorce_Men06/07/23 01:25 PM
3

Thank goodness you’re rid of her! You sir are a bright fellow who will be in the best position to move ahead with your life. Good luck and please keep me posted!
/r/Divorce_Men05/07/23 03:40 PM
2

Then you are in good shape. Do you have representation yet? That’s going to be a necessity. I’m not sure about VA in terms of the bar for issuing these orders. Mine was in AZ and literally the accusation that got it granted was that I once called her a secretive bitch without any evidence. I since have moved and my attorney was floored that it was issued solely because of that and said a court here would never have granted it. The AZ lawyers all told me it would be dismissed as well, but obvious…
/r/Divorce_Men05/07/23 02:41 PM
11

Yes. I idiotically didn’t fight it. It just lapsed last Saturday (a 1 year order of protection). All accusations were blatantly false or of a ridiculously small magnitude. It was ordered ex parte (without my notification until service of the order). I spoke to many lawyers and all agreed it would be easy to have tossed. I didn’t fight it for a few reasons (financial-$5,000-$6,000; it wasn’t explained to me the ramifications on custody; and a couple of other factors). My advice is to confront all…
/r/Divorce_Men05/07/23 02:20 PM
8

It’s technically illegal to drive one mile an hour over the speed limit. Think about the benefit of stashing some cash v. The chance of having nothing to rely upon. If you make more than chances are, even if you don’t have anything in a savings account, etc. you’ll still be on the hook for many of her expenses if a split occurs. What is her reason for not signing a pre-nup?
/r/Divorce_Men04/07/23 09:58 PM
22

I made this mistake at the very beginning. “She’s just gone momentarily crazy and will be back to her senses soon”. Nope! It just ended up costing me more down the line. I did file, but only once it became clear that she wasn’t going to let me see my boys without a court order, which I’ve now been fighting a year for. Immediately when this went down, I saw/spoke to a dozen lawyers and got completely shitty advice. I finally found someone I trusted and has done as much as possible for me and thin…
/r/Divorce_Men04/07/23 09:53 PM
4

Here’s my first thought. You’re at least starting on even ground and not in a deep depression. Have you tried meditating? Try a few different types (search guided meditation on YouTube) and stick with them for a minimum of a week (month is definitely better, but you’ve gotta start somewhere). Many people have a goal of this “numbness” you’re describing, they just frame it differently. Usually trying to envision it as the lack of material desire. I’m a firm believer in taking what you already hav…
/r/Divorce_Men03/07/23 12:09 PM
1

Holy moly. Sounds like you were the most stable force in this young woman’s life and she not only threw dirt in your face, but proceeded to claw your eyes out while screwing your pooper (and of course no reach around).
/r/Divorce_Men02/07/23 10:58 PM
10

“When the kid’s at school, I made a nice cardboard sign explaining what you did to me and it’s amazing, folks give me a ton of cash while I’m standing on the median!”
/r/Divorce_Men02/07/23 10:24 PM
1

Whether it be the old broad or a new one, it’s V for the win!
/r/Divorce_Men02/07/23 10:21 PM
2

Second the vasectomy. That way your macho gazpacho won’t lead to another 18+ years of this.
/r/Divorce_Men02/07/23 02:47 PM
1

I felt this way for a long time too, sans the wondering if I’ll ever be attracted to another woman. In one respect it’s very good actually. You have set a high bar and it’s the exact right thing to do. It does mean that it’ll take longer for you to find the woman who sets your pants on fire. Don’t give up, but realize that the best things in life are often the ones you need to have the most patience for.
/r/Divorce_Men02/07/23 01:08 PM
1

That’s awesome! I truly hope it works out for both of you. Please keep us updated. A little good news of that sort is clearly lacking in this sub and many of us have become jaded. I’m rooting for you and your family!
/r/Divorce_Men01/07/23 04:22 PM
2

At first, ask politely to be kept out of their relationship. And you need to not ask. It will do you no good to be informed of any of it. Look how it’s eating you up right now. Stay away and focus on yourself. I know it hurts, but you got this.
/r/Divorce_Men01/07/23 03:02 PM
1

We’ve all done stupid selfish shit sometimes. If you were taking it for a drug habit or booze, etc. make sure you’re honest with yourself and do whatever it takes to clear that up. Your kids deserve a well put together father. Since you have a while before heading overseas, think long and hard about what an international move really entails. Are you going to be the best dad in the UK or will you actually be a better father staying in the US and seeing them less often? If you can make better mone…
/r/Divorce_Men01/07/23 02:52 PM
3

I’m not sure how you’re going to be able to relocate the UK if you get divorced. More likely you might be able to get a longer term Visa to see them. If your work is mostly remote, then your best bet is to go somewhere (after she leaves) with a much lower cost of living. How much did you take? Paying her back on a schedule (say $100 every payday) would go a long way in the long run towards rebuilding that trust. More than likely she’ll never completely forgive you, but A. It’s the moral thing to…
/r/Divorce_Men01/07/23 02:13 PM
3

This does help me tremendously! I haven’t lost hope and continue to fight for my fatherly rights, but it’s daunting to say the least. I’m doing my best to let the anger about missing so much formative time in my young boy’s lives and focus on making our reunion (which is happening in exactly three weeks after 13 months of only seeing them once a week on FaceTime) as much fun and “back to normal with papa” as I can. Since I don’t even know what state they currently live in (she insisted on either…
/r/Divorce_Men01/07/23 11:41 AM
1

Perhaps someone else has an idea, but unfortunately, I think if that’s your goal then marriage might be the only way to achieve it. I wish you luck.
/r/Divorce_Men01/07/23 01:00 AM
2

So, you’re getting back into a situation where you’re taking care of another woman? Why does she need your help with basics such as car insurance and health insurance?
/r/Divorce_Men01/07/23 12:47 AM
7

He was talking about his pecker.
/r/Divorce_Men01/07/23 12:05 AM
1

Please be a little more specific. I think I can assume you’re talking about saving money in regards to insurance, but is a few hundred bucks a year worth the potential of tens of thousands down the road? What else is there that wouldn’t be solved under common law marriage?
/r/Divorce_Men01/07/23 12:04 AM
1

Sorry to pry, but what was the ultimate charge you copped to?
/r/Divorce_Men01/07/23 12:00 AM
1

Dude, I’m so sorry. I mean that’s despicable. Do you think your ex did any coaxing or cajoling to bring this about or what it solely the idea of Rosemary’s Baby?
/r/Divorce_Men30/06/23 11:59 PM
1

Oh, my mistake. I thought your ex brought the allegation.
/r/Divorce_Men30/06/23 11:57 PM
4

Wonderful analogy! Exactly why I always have my Groucho Marx glasses, moustache, nose combo handy.
/r/Divorce_Men30/06/23 11:01 PM
2

That’s fair. I think I got peeved mostly at the fact she came to him for help with something unrelated to the kids afterwards.
/r/Divorce_Men30/06/23 10:48 PM
2

Oh no! Why did you agree to a plea deal?
/r/Divorce_Men30/06/23 10:45 PM
1

There absolutely needs to be severe punishment for this type of thing. It’s ruined so many good people and many take their own lives. How can we allow this without consequence?
/r/Divorce_Men30/06/23 10:44 PM
1

Oh my lord! Was there ever any talk of slander and a counter suit (or initial lawsuit I suppose)?
/r/Divorce_Men30/06/23 10:42 PM
4

You’re very lucky to have a good attorney, the cash to pay them, and evidence. When women can just make this shit up without proof and one has to defend against it, it’s the definition of travesty.
/r/Divorce_Men30/06/23 10:41 PM
3

Holy Shit! I am floored by how often I’m hearing this and related terrible accusations stemming from these human trash receptacles. I didn’t get the rape one, I got the violence one. The order finally lapses today after a year! Hooray, I can finally defend myself again and god forbid go hunting again.
/r/Divorce_Men30/06/23 10:34 PM
2

I’m with you on so much of this. I’m blissful when I don’t interact with her, but the minute I have to engage, I feel myself going off the rails. At least I aware of this now and can mentally prepare if there is a situation where I have to interact, but it took me longer than I’m proud to admit before I got here.
/r/Divorce_Men30/06/23 10:32 PM
1

He said he had his kids. I’m curious why you made the assumption that kid time on Father’s Day is the issue?
/r/Divorce_Men30/06/23 10:28 PM
4

I see what you’re saying, but that still is indicative of an awful human being. Ignore anything that could be of importance to your children’s father, but immediately run to him when you have a problem. He’s just lucky they’re not still married.
/r/Divorce_Men30/06/23 10:26 PM
5

Why would he have been too harsh? From what he relayed, that was a pretty shitty thing of the ex to do. He is still their father and little kids need their parents to remind them of that stuff. I can guarantee that he would help them make cards and remind them to say happy Mother’s Day, so why should she be excused for ignoring Father’s Day? It’s called common courtesy and this rat turd of a human is disgusting. Especially if she still asks for his help with things completely unrelated to the ch…
/r/Divorce_Men30/06/23 10:20 PM
1

Agree harder!
/r/Divorce_Men30/06/23 02:00 PM
1

I watched your video when you posted a few months ago and can attest that you are a credible person. It’s horrific that this is still going on. I have a feeling that future generations will view our current handling of domestic abuse/violence the same way we currently view burning at the stake.
/r/Divorce_Men30/06/23 01:58 PM
1

Scoot like Usain Bolt?
/r/Divorce_Men30/06/23 12:22 AM
2

Poorest?
/r/Divorce_Men29/06/23 08:22 PM
2

What kind of retarded drivel is this? Seriously, you think that any sentence this loser wrote is worth passing along? Yes, we’ve heard it all before. It is our fault. All of it. Every single thing is the man’s fault.
/r/Divorce_Men29/06/23 06:58 PM
2

Are you committed to staying where you are or are you willing to move closer to him? I’d consider starting with the application process for new jobs. If I were able to see my boys right now, I’d drop everything and go. I’m about to see them in three weeks after a year (as of Monday). I don’t even know what state they’re in, but her restraining order lapses on Saturday and when I see the boys, I’ll find out where they are. I finally have a job I like that sustains me and my living expenses, but a…
/r/Divorce_Men29/06/23 11:16 AM
12

If you can quickly come to an agreement and get it finalized fast, try it. You’ll always have time later to expose her or make her life miserable. I’d suggest against it (eventually hate and revenge just serve to screw you). I know you’re in a ton of pain right now and if you can make her feel it too, you really want to, but bide your time on that front. The world has a way of fucking over shitbags without you having to lift a finger. Lawyers are expensive and you will burn a ton of dough with t…
/r/Divorce_Men29/06/23 11:03 AM
8

You’re asking why again. It’s not about why. She probably doesn’t even know. It’s her inertia and unfortunately that’s most likely the why there is.
/r/Divorce_Men28/06/23 06:50 PM
2

I get it. Maybe for most people they have trouble moving on because of some deep seated emotional trouble, but I was badly mistreated as well and had a hard time coming to grips with it. No matter how much you know that person you once loved is gone, it’s not easy to move on yourself. I think I just wanted answers. I am now at peace with the situation but it took a long time to get there. Stay strong and eventually you’ll kill your ego and move forward without those thoughts.
/r/Divorce_Men28/06/23 06:48 PM
1

Ok, please explain. This sounds interesting.
/r/Divorce_Men26/06/23 08:28 PM
2

I was kinda dumb at the time too. I spoke to half a dozen lawyers who all assured me that it would be tossed out, for a small fee of $4-6,000! At the time I also had no idea that I’d get screwed so badly with custody because I didn’t fight it. Being a rube, my thought process went something like-“even if it gets thrown out, all that happens is I get my guns back. She still doesn’t have to tell me where she is and if she is trying to claim I’m some kind of threat, I’m just going to make her fight…
/r/Divorce_Men26/06/23 05:38 PM
4

I’m glad you said damn memories! Yes, damn those worthless things. Time to start creating new better ones! Think of something that you wanted to do, but couldn’t swing for one reason or another and get it penciled onto the calendar. Working towards something and achieving it will quickly pull you out of the feeling like a shitbag mentality. Notice not a single one of us has said it’s gonna be easy? It won’t, but the most rewarding things in life require the hardest work and dedication. You can d…
/r/Divorce_Men26/06/23 05:00 PM
5

I get it completely! I took care of just about everything for myself and three other people on top of a demanding full time job. The old lady was a lazy ass sahm who “had” to nap everyday when the kids slept in the afternoon. When she bolted, I had to figure everything out from scratch. New routines, cooking for one instead of four, etc. It took over three months to finally settle in and feel comfortable in my new life. It’s exactly one year since she Usain Bolted on me and outside of missing my…
/r/Divorce_Men26/06/23 04:55 PM
4

Had to learn the same thing. I don’t have to work with anyone’s schedule or preferences. It’s all me and I get to go where I want when I want.
/r/Divorce_Men26/06/23 04:39 PM
4

It’s definitely a good one. Lots of truly terrible stories, but it can easily feel like you’re the only one who’s ever gone through this. The reminder that there are not-so-few amazingly cruel women (people in general, yes, but for our purposes on this sub: women. I hate that I even need to state that, yet there are a lot of low-watt gurglers around looking to paint us as misogynists)out there helps to keep things in perspective.
/r/Divorce_Men26/06/23 10:28 AM
19

I’m certain I would have. Didn’t have the opportunity as she left and didn’t tell me where she went. I sent a bunch of stupid texts oscillating between extremely pissed and obviously sad. Much of them I’m sure didn’t even make sense. It took me a long time (3 months or so) to come to grips with what happened as I was completely and utterly blindsided. The sheer amount of cruel vindictive shit she’s pulled afterwards still flummoxes me. It’s hard to believe that someone who I gave my heart and so…
/r/Divorce_Men26/06/23 12:45 AM
12

I’m sorry, there’s no doubt that it hurts. It most likely will for a while. Your best bet is to do everything you can to distract yourself with activities that you enjoy. I wish you the best and remember that the pain will fade with time. One day it won’t bother you if you are living a fulfilling life.
/r/Divorce_Men25/06/23 03:48 PM
6

It’s less expensive to hire a woman for an evening than going on even two or three dates. You might get lucky and get laid after you buy her that cup of coffee, but likely you’ll need to either go out with a few different women and of course, pay for dinner or go on a couple dates with the same woman. Now, some of us have the wherewithal to get laid meeting chicks at the bar, etc. but that gets expensive too. Depending on where you live, save $200-300 and you’ll get a piece you can be happy to b…
/r/Divorce_Men25/06/23 06:29 AM
2

I got slapped with a Order of Protection in AZ with the only allegation being that I called her a secretive bitch! I moved back east after she refused to let me see my boys (who she tried and failed to get on the order). The order finally lapses on the 30th of this month and I finally have a date to see my kids come July. I haven’t seen them for just about a year. My guns are still on vacation in AZ. I seriously had no idea Arizona would allow an OoP for such trivial nonsense and it would never …
/r/Divorce_Men25/06/23 06:06 AM
2

Is Idaho a med state? I didn’t think it was, but could definitely be wrong.
/r/Divorce_Men23/06/23 07:51 PM
2

Do you have a lawyer yet? You need to keep all of the documentation from any ems call/visit. Generally courts don’t care what parents do on their non-custodial time, but each judge/state is slightly different. You need to document in as much detail as possible how much she drinks and if you can somehow collect evidence that she is drinking in the car. Be forewarned that if you go this route, she will go ballistic and start accusing you of everything possible and say goodbye to an amicable divorc…
/r/Divorce_Men23/06/23 06:13 PM
1

I’m definitely doing this! Great idea.
/r/Divorce_Men22/06/23 01:06 AM
8

It sucks, but if five years later you’re still having these feelings and are this conflicted, you need to turn your attention inward and get your head screwed on straight. Sorry, but part of the suck this time is on you.
/r/Divorce_Men21/06/23 03:45 PM
11

She tried to ruin you! Don’t forget that she cheated. She lied. She got law enforcement involved. She tried to prevent you from seeing your daughter. She tried to turn your own family against you. These were all conscious decisions designed to completely destroy you. From your post, it doesn’t even sound like she’s apologized! I understand the feeling that you wanna tag it again, but if you do it’s on you. If you want to continue being a weak man, go ahead, but it sounds like you’re better than …
/r/Divorce_Men21/06/23 03:33 PM
4

First of all. It takes tremendous courage to do what you did. Most people would stay in a terrible marriage the rest of their lives for convenience of one kind or another. You’re not. You decided that it’s time to start living your life and while it’s going to be hard at first, one day you will look back and thank yourself. Serve her first. It allows you to set the tone and tenor of what’s to come. Call as many lawyers in the area as you can and schedule consultations. You’re going to want to ta…
/r/Divorce_Men20/06/23 11:13 AM
1

How old are your kids? How long ago did you separate? I’m not going to lie, it’s pure hell at first. Your children need you. All kids need a strong masculine role model. It’s ok that you don’t feel strong right now, but if you continue on you will. I promise this will get better. One foot in front of the other every single day.
/r/Divorce_Men20/06/23 11:06 AM
1

I understand. It’s hard to say goodbye. When do you see them next?
/r/Divorce_Men19/06/23 09:33 PM
2

It’s truly a gorgeous state. When the old lady left (we’d moved to AZ) I came back as soon as I could! Hey the dough isn’t what it could be in bigger states, but elbow room more than makes up for it! DM me, I’d love to chat. Also, I stripped the bottle off my menu too, now I sell RV’s (In addition to the big hunks of metal).
/r/Divorce_Men19/06/23 04:40 AM
2

Thanks! I found my doggo! He’s at the shelter that happens to be on my way to work. I’ll have my buddy in the office tomorrow. Silver lining.
/r/Divorce_Men19/06/23 03:22 AM
2

Because you have to keep trying. You stop living once you stop trying. Don’t beat yourself up. Are you seeing red flags or are you seeing a bad day?
/r/Divorce_Men19/06/23 01:17 AM
2

Hey. You didn’t spoil anything. Thanks for sharing. I hope you don’t mind if I tell you about how my day went. I haven’t seen my kids for a year come 6/26. Last night my ex told me that it’d be difficult for her to have them even talk to me at our usual FaceTime time today. Then she “pressed the wrong button” so her email clarifying the actual time I could see my boys didn’t come through. I worked today. Once I got home, my dog who always runs up to greet me with tail going lighting speed was no…
/r/Divorce_Men19/06/23 01:00 AM
2

Absolutely worth it! It’s a great way to spend an afternoon. Any shop will get you set up with minimal investment (dm me if you want more info/way to set up the cheapest starter gear) and you’ll be very pleasantly surprised how good even your first batch is. Key to making good beer is sanitation. You need to spend the most time making sure no extra microbes are introduced to the process and you’ll be better than most of the professional brewers these days!
/r/Divorce_Men18/06/23 09:59 PM
4

Your spot has a good reputation here in New England. I started working for Allagash in 2006, now I sell brewing equipment and still live in Maine up by the NH border in the western mountains. Reach out and we’ll grab a beer sometime.
/r/Divorce_Men18/06/23 08:36 PM
1

Hey! Don’t you have boobs, bottles, and Bolivia to be attending to right now?
/r/Divorce_Men18/06/23 07:02 PM
4

It’s their age. They don’t realize how bad it hurts. I’m ashamed to say that I did it to my parents as a butthole teenager and twenty something. They’ll come around.
/r/Divorce_Men18/06/23 07:00 PM
2

Oh boy! We’ve gotta chat. I think my ex ran to NC and might not be coming back. Hence, I’ll be your neighbor and have a nebulous restraining order about to expire. I’m scared to hear that NC makes it so easy to invade your privacy. Not what I would’ve expected.
/r/Divorce_Men18/06/23 06:59 PM
2

That’s rough, Bud. Hey, sounds like you’ve a support system around you though. Many of us were previously cut off from help. Especially during this initial phase, lean on those folks, then find someone who you pay to unload on. You’ve got this.
/r/Divorce_Men18/06/23 05:34 PM
2

Just need to toss in a little Bolivian Marching Powder and now we’re talking! Seriously though, thank the lord for hookers. A business deal that we all leave with a smile.
/r/Divorce_Men18/06/23 05:26 PM
3

I’m sure it is, but rest assured it’ll get better from here.
/r/Divorce_Men18/06/23 04:14 PM
6

It’s the age. In all likelihood your dude will come around.
/r/Divorce_Men18/06/23 04:12 PM
3

I’m working too! We’re men and we do what needs doin’! I’m a Belgian trained brewer. What brewery are you at?
/r/Divorce_Men18/06/23 04:11 PM
1

It’s often the hard and fast moments (like having something signed and finalized) that get me too. I had a case management conference this morning and even though it went well for me too, it is still very difficult to get over the fact that this happened at all. I’m betting that you’re struggling a little today because you had contact. The less contact the better moving forward. I wish I could completely wash my hands of her, but we have kids. Make as best a plan for your afternoon/evening tonig…
/r/Divorce_Men16/06/23 06:01 PM
1

Things started to improve for me around the three month mark and get better each day. Doesn’t mean that I don’t have really difficult days now and again but far more good days than bad. I’m almost at the one year mark. How long ago did this start for you?
/r/Divorce_Men16/06/23 05:52 PM
1

Thanks. That was a very good reframe.
/r/Divorce_Men16/06/23 01:33 PM
3

You’re willing to look at yourself and claim your share of what happened. That’s huge as most people will never get there and perpetually blame others for everything. Step one. Stay calm. Before writing or speaking to her, take a deep breath and if possible, never respond to an email or other communication for at minimum five minutes, but give it a day if you can. Often, a lot of avoidable errors occur at the very beginning of a split because emotions are so high and intense. Take your time when…
/r/Divorce_Men16/06/23 01:34 AM
2

Classics like “How to Win Friends and Influence People” by Dale Carnegie is outstanding all around. This may or may not be for you, but I’ve always loved Ayn Rand novels. I reread both The Fountainhead and Atlas Shrugged at the beginning of all of this for me and found them helpful to remember that valuable individuals will suffer hardship at the hands of less than outstanding people. The 48 Laws of Power is great and very practical. I could go on, but I imagine that others will chime in with th…
/r/Divorce_Men16/06/23 01:16 AM
1

Oh! I’m certainly aware of that there are one set of rules for me and one set for thee! I’m almost done bending over and thanking everyone for their penetration. Just biding my time for these last few weeks. Almost there. I’m truly allowing her to keep digging her hole while she believes that she has all of the control. So far so good on that front anyway. Honestly just hoping to get a few suggestions as to how I can locate my boys without spending another $500 on a PI.
/r/Divorce_Men15/06/23 04:56 PM
1

I understand the inclination, but I’ll be learning where they are in just a couple weeks and if she’s lying about being so far from her parents that will be found out and I’m certain her lawyer would never advise it. She also doesn’t have family anywhere else in the country, so this is why I’m so confused.
/r/Divorce_Men15/06/23 01:17 PM
1

Thank you for the suggestion. I’ll Google data broker, but do you know a quick way to find one?
/r/Divorce_Men15/06/23 12:02 PM
11

I’m surprised you made it 39 seconds let alone a year plus. Buy her an ant farm in the way out the door so she still can have complete control over something.
/r/Divorce_Men15/06/23 03:09 AM
4

I’m sorry, yet I get it. Mine is still in the mindset that every decision about the children is hers to make and either I’m not told or she’s doing me some kind of big favor by informing me. I only have to play along for a few more weeks, but sometimes I want to scream at her. The entitlement of these disgusting people is outrageous.
/r/Divorce_Men15/06/23 02:36 AM
6

You stuck around for five years with no boning? Literally no poon for you? Had she previously been crowned BJ Champ of Mississippi for five years or something?
/r/Divorce_Men15/06/23 02:01 AM
1

Fuck her brains out and continue the plan! You deserve, at minimum, a dead fish pounding.
/r/Divorce_Men15/06/23 01:57 AM
1

That’s Esperanto to me. What’s EU4? I was talking about the old gold coins.
/r/Divorce_Men14/06/23 04:00 PM
2

I sell RV’s and this is the direction I’d like to go, but even raw land (in Northern New England) has skyrocketed. What model 5th wheel are you rockin’?
/r/Divorce_Men14/06/23 03:29 PM
7

From what you’ve described, these feelings are completely normal. They became your world and now your world is fractured. You had inertia (even if it was unhappy and unhealthy). Now you have a big unknown in front of you. It got better for me after a long while, but it still hurts occasionally. It sucks being told that you’re not loved by a person who at one point proclaimed that they would love you for the rest of your lives. You’re doing all of the right things. Keep going and remember that th…
/r/Divorce_Men14/06/23 01:07 PM
4

Ducats
/r/Divorce_Men14/06/23 12:26 PM
1

Where are you keeping it? How’d you find land? What do you do about grey/black water?
/r/Divorce_Men14/06/23 11:23 AM
2

It sounds like you already know. Ask them the exact questions you just posed here.
/r/Divorce_Men12/06/23 11:26 PM
2

You can poke anything once you have the inner peace to know that it’s just a piece of flesh you’re pounding. Whether it’s the bedroom or ring. The white pill is the realization that she doesn’t control you anymore and that no woman ever will again. I think many fellas here are stuck at the red pill stage where anger and resentment are still the overriding feelings. Once they can see past the initial “men are the providers, and if I provide properly, then the vows will never be broken”, they get …
/r/Divorce_Men12/06/23 12:24 PM
4

The Rumble in the Jungle was a late 70’s fight between Ali and Foreman. It took place in the Congo (then Zaire, now the Congo again). They flew the whole American press corp out and the likes of James Brown came out to support Ali who was the undercard by a huge margin. It was a long rope-a-dope fight and Ali knocked Foreman out in spectacular fashion at the end. I think most dudes here think about fucking their exes as if the ex has the upper hand and don’t realize that it’s about the show in l…
/r/Divorce_Men12/06/23 01:08 AM
2

Let’s be real. I’d take Parkinson’s for a once in a lifetime upset like that day after day.
/r/Divorce_Men12/06/23 12:57 AM
3

Nothing like gettin your pickle smooched by someone who knows what works. I like the boxing analogy. It’s a rumble in the jungle alright!
/r/Divorce_Men11/06/23 11:36 PM
6

Changing locks is extremely easy and cheap. You can have a simple conversation with your kids about how their keys are for them only and if mom pressures them for them, they’ll tell you.
/r/Divorce_Men11/06/23 02:32 AM
3

I’m heartbroken for you. Are you doing alright tonight? Think you’ll be okay once your momadore leaves later?
/r/Divorce_Men11/06/23 02:10 AM
3

Ah, sorry. I saw 5m and assumed months not male.
/r/Divorce_Men11/06/23 02:07 AM
2

If your son is only five months old and is still breastfeeding, you will need more than her infidelity to justify removing him from her. Yes, she can do it to you with no ramifications, but it unfortunately doesn’t work that way for men.
/r/Divorce_Men11/06/23 01:52 AM
1

Oh, and how’d you find out?
/r/Divorce_Men11/06/23 01:48 AM
16

That’s why you need to bide your time and play the long game. If you can possibly act as if everything is honky-dory until you have a chance to get your own game plan together it will do nothing but benefit you. Hey, I’m really sorry that you’re going through this, but now is not the time to act from emotion. Get out of the house tomorrow (make up any excuse) if you’re worried about spilling the beans. My man, we’re all here rooting for you!
/r/Divorce_Men11/06/23 01:48 AM
28

Don’t confront her yet! You need time to get your shit together. Talk to sixteen lawyers asap. You’ve been given a tremendous opportunity that many of us wish we had. For the love of divorce_men, please bide your time!
/r/Divorce_Men11/06/23 01:38 AM
22

I was with my wife for twenty years. One day she decided she was leaving and took my beloved boys. That was June 26th, 2022. I had to file for divorce as I was consistently told by all legal professionals that until and unless I initiate action through the courts, she could keep them from me indefinitely. Finally had mediation yesterday and there’s a light at the end of this ungodly long dark tunnel. For the first three months, I was a zombie. No more than an hour or two of sleep a night if I go…
/r/Divorce_Men10/06/23 12:21 AM
0

Ok.
/r/Divorce_Men09/06/23 11:45 PM
0

Let’s take a poll in any area of your choosing. Be it another sub, or anywhere else. Let’s ask actual women what they think. Just because you might not want it to be true doesn’t change reality. Is it racist to state that Asians tend to score better on math tests than the average person? Most people coming across the southern border are Hispanic? You’re conflating my personal feelings with objective reality. I’m with you, I wish it weren’t the case that 50%+1 or more of women feel this way, but …
/r/Divorce_Men09/06/23 10:56 PM
1

Sorry pal, but it’s not misogynistic to point out that the male and female thought process is different. While it’d be wonderful if we could sit down and directly hash out our differences, this is not the way things work in real life. Please, I said most women, not all women. It would be clearly incorrect to state “all of x group do y”. I didn’t say that and you seem to be wed to an idea which will not serve you. It’s comforting to not question your assumptions, but don’t look surprised when you…
/r/Divorce_Men09/06/23 10:11 PM
2

Is Emily your ex or new interest? Autocorrect has outed you!
/r/Divorce_Men09/06/23 06:41 PM
1

Yup, she did the wrong thing, but it doesn’t mean an automatic benefit to you unfortunately. She will most likely be sanctioned in one way or another, and you know that if it were you who pulled the same thing that your hide would already be tanning in full public view. You will need to pursue all legal options, but as you know, this will take time. I’m sorry. I’m going through something extremely similar (haven’t seen my boys for a full year as of June 26th). It hurts, but keep hope alive and y…
/r/Divorce_Men09/06/23 06:34 PM
1

Absolutely a great first step. You will get a read on how far gone things are and can act accordingly afterwards. This is time for deep recon. Gather as much info as you can before she shuts down completely.
/r/Divorce_Men09/06/23 06:29 PM
1

As I guess from your name, this is happening in New England (perhaps Mass specifically)? Jesus, some of these Northeastern states are really out to fuck anyone trying to improve their lot in life.
/r/Divorce_Men09/06/23 06:25 PM
1

Bad news is that you haven’t seen your kids for a long time in a judge’s eyes and they are reluctant to alter their schedule too quickly. Good news is that it’s very difficult to have your parental rights terminated. Try your best to push for court dates asap. The longer she is gone without you seeing your children, the harder it is to get out of that hole. But do not give up hope. It may be a long slog, but eventually you will be reunited with them.
/r/Divorce_Men09/06/23 06:16 PM
1

Try your best not to sweat it too much. High bluster is common in any situation where emotions are this extreme. Once she has to account for her actions to a third party will put all but the most recalcitrant back into reality. Bide your time, you will come out on top as long as you don’t give her any rope to hang you with.
/r/Divorce_Men09/06/23 06:11 PM
2

Hmmm. It’s going to take a lot for a judge to recommend anything that changes the current arrangement. That doesn’t mean she’s not going to try. Right now you have the upper hand, but it’s imperative that you preserve it by protecting yourself. Document everything you can(only communicate about your kids and only through email/text). I’d advise against retaliatory accusations of abuse. If there are legitimate concerns, that’s a different story, but if she makes up outlandish claims and you do to…
/r/Divorce_Men09/06/23 06:05 PM
1

Make sure to at least watch a few videos about the art of negotiation before the mediation. High likelihood that she will not and you will be prepared in the fine arts of striking a deal which will help you in all areas of your life. It’s just good practical advice all around!
/r/Divorce_Men09/06/23 05:57 PM
1

Do you have the mediation scheduled yet? Is she preventing all contact with your kid(s)? GAL’s are a double edged sword and expensive to boot. A little more info and I’m certain you’ll get great advice here, but as written we’d all just be shooting from the hip.
/r/Divorce_Men09/06/23 05:54 PM
1

Things like making sure that both of you inform each other and the court about a planned move outside of the county. Also the exact parameters of custody (e.g. 5 you 5 her, or whatever is the best for you, but make it concrete). I gave advice yesterday about meditation and it may apply to you as well. So here’s a condensed version: Mediation is negotiation. You need to always start by asking for more than you’re willing to accept. You need chips to bargain with otherwise you have no room for goo…
/r/Divorce_Men09/06/23 05:50 PM
1

I understand the sentiment here, but you’re using your dude-brain to calmly assess the situation. The vast majority of women do not think this way. If she even gets a hint of him being manipulative (don’t give her any info about what you’re thinking, but gather as much from her as you can), the long knives will come out in a much greater way than they already are. If they could have already just talked and worked it out, that would have happened by now. They’re going to mediation because there’s…
/r/Divorce_Men09/06/23 03:46 PM
2

You’re trapped in a very common economic fallacy (it’s not directly related to money per say) called the sunk cost fallacy. Often colloquially called throwing good money after bad. Try your best to understand that what has been spent is gone and there’s no recovering it. Do you want to spend even more to get the same or worse result? There are a few things that immediately jump out at me as you’ve outlined your predicament. The biggest red flag is her continued secrecy. If she truly wanted to en…
/r/Divorce_Men09/06/23 03:33 PM
1

I’m so sorry. That’s a terrible situation to be in. You’re going to hurt for a while, but one day your perspective will change and you’ll be thankful that you didn’t spend even more of your life with that person. Keep coming back here for positive feedback and knowing that you’re not alone. I wish you nothing but the best of luck and remember that it does eventually get better and you have nothing to beat yourself up about.
/r/Divorce_Men09/06/23 03:20 PM
9

I believe he’s talking about online dating.
/r/Divorce_Men09/06/23 03:00 AM
3

Do not contact her before mediation. Mediation is a negotiation and in negotiation you need to start by asking for the world. If you start by asking for what you eventually will be happy with, you have no chips to bargain with. Do not be surprised if she says that you’re a terrible father who she’s never trusted and you need supervised visitation or something like that. You’re going to be very unpleasantly surprised by how things start. Keep your cool and give up one small thing at a time as a g…
/r/Divorce_Men09/06/23 12:07 AM
2

Warm in the winter Shady in the summertime That’s what I like About that fat gal of mine.
/r/Divorce_Men08/06/23 06:25 PM
11

You’re young enough (not as though there’s a cut off for age) to quickly start over. It sure sounds like you (literally and figuratively) get bowled over often. Reading between the lines here, you don’t sound happy in the relationship. You can’t be honest with her without feeling the wrath of god come down on you. Reach out if you want, but now is the time to protect yourself and start moving on. It’s gonna hurt to lose a relationship for a while, but it gets better and in a few years you’ll tha…
/r/Divorce_Men08/06/23 12:00 PM
3

I filed first because if you’re still married then she can keep your daughter from you indefinitely. The only way outside of her allowing contact is through a court order unfortunately. I’m in the same boat. She’s got daddy’s money and he previously threatened my life, but somehow she was still able to get a year long order of protection against me. It could be a long slog for you, but unless you get the feeling that she’ll let you see your child on her own accord, that’s your only option right …
/r/Divorce_Men07/06/23 10:15 PM
1

Have you ever seen her vindictive side? Either way it’s coming out at some point. Think about what triggered it. If you stick around to help with pops, then she’s going to feel even more strung along, but if she has an ounce of maturity, she may eventually see that you were helping her through this. Sometimes it’s best to get all of the bad news/shit together and sometimes it’s best they’re staggered. I’d think about whether the person tends towards inward blame or shifting blame. It may not mak…
/r/Divorce_Men07/06/23 01:52 PM
5

The Meaty-Go-Round. The Rollercockster. Pin the Tail to the Headboard. She’s looking for someone to ride her log flume. Sorry the sausage carousel made me laugh and I started thinking about other amusement park rides and activities.
/r/Divorce_Men07/06/23 12:58 PM
2

I agree with Guy above. I understand that you have a ton of resentment and anger, but it needs to stay away from anything even tangentially related to custody, the courts, etc. Do your best to respond in a timely fashion to messages on the app (if they are actually relevant to parenting). You needn’t and I would advise (I’m not a lawyer) to ignore accusatory messages, but make a note of them and be sure to address them with the parenting coordinator at your next meeting. I also completely unders…
/r/Divorce_Men06/06/23 06:00 PM
3

Hey, what about getting an adderall script? At least that protects you from the possibility of getting in trouble. If you’ve already had dui’s then you know how much it blows being thrown into the court system.
/r/Divorce_Men06/06/23 12:33 PM
2

Ok, so it seems you’re in between wallowing and just getting things off of your chest. I think most of us took huge hits to our credit scores. I did and am doing everything I can to build it back up, but I’m still in a lot of debt. No matter what you want, it becomes infinitely more difficult if you don’t believe it can happen or you can’t do it. We’re all rooting for you, man. Honestly, you’re best bet as a first step is just to get outside and have the sun hit your face for at least fifteen mi…
/r/Divorce_Men06/06/23 12:27 PM
6

It can be dark. Very dark sometimes. I’ve struggled with about every substance I’ve ever encountered. And damn are drugs fun! For a little while. As you know, it quickly goes from feeling amazing to just trying not to feel like shit. As others have said, the first order of business is putting down the pipe (or perhaps needle) and knowing it’s gonna be rough for a little while. I remember thinking that if I quit drinking and dope that I’d never have ANY more fun. I’d forgotten that there are othe…
/r/Divorce_Men06/06/23 09:30 AM
1

Ah. Thanks for the clarification
/r/Divorce_Men05/06/23 03:00 AM
1

I don’t think he recommended boffing her.
/r/Divorce_Men05/06/23 02:58 AM
7

If you have one person who you can trust (a super longtime friend, or the like) you can get it out to them. Just pick one person and make sure to not go dumping everything on them constantly. I know it’s hard to keep this all in, and only seeing your therapist occasionally leaves a lot of time to bottle it up without a pressure release, but you don’t want to go jizzing your problems all over anyone that you encounter. It’s ok to casually mention it to others (key word casually, like saying “yeah…
/r/Divorce_Men04/06/23 07:52 PM
3

I bet he dared them to hide his sausage.
/r/Divorce_Men04/06/23 02:05 AM
6

I don’t think so. I believe it’s a gay man. He’s still a man, man.
/r/Divorce_Men04/06/23 12:34 AM
3

There’s absolutely nothing wrong with bettering yourself and having the best possible life. The faster you can do this with the least amount of contact, will be the best course. Always is, even if you’ve not fully ready to let go, the sooner you do it, the less overall pain it causes everyone. If you are gonna still be a part of each other’s lives, that’s going to happen down the road if it happens at all. It’s highly unlikely but not unheard of, so try to remember that the probability of that i…
/r/Divorce_Men04/06/23 12:25 AM
1

This is not the first case and surely won’t be the last of “she got the goldmine and I got the shaft”. Cut out everything not absolutely necessary in you living arrangements. Go to a food bank, then polish up your resume. You now have time to hone your skills and become an even more valuable asset. I unfortunately, don’t think you’re going to get much financial help here. We’re all mostly dealing with shaft right now.
/r/Divorce_Men03/06/23 06:08 PM
7

I hate to tell you this, but 4-5 isn’t too shabby. It took me a few months to get more than 1-2 a night. It felt like a terrible spiral and just made everything else that much harder. Do your absolute best to completely exhaust yourself during the day. Obviously exercise is going to be a ton of help. It also has the added benefits of keeping your mind off of negative thoughts and redirecting you towards making yourself look better. Once we look better, we feel better. If you absolutely hate to, …
/r/Divorce_Men03/06/23 09:47 AM
1

Good luck. If you’re truly happy and so are your children, then that’s all that really matters.
/r/Divorce_Men03/06/23 06:45 AM
3

I actually left Arizona to file in Maine. I did because I have children and Maine is better for father’s custody. I believe as another said above that AZ may be better in your case due to the 50/50 nature of asset splitting as it’s a crap shoot in Maine. Definitely stay away from Jerse, my parents divorced in NJ (I grew up there) and my mother made out pretty well even without pushing for as much as she would’ve be legally “entitled” to extract from my father.
/r/Divorce_Men03/06/23 06:28 AM
2

I have a few logistical questions for you. Are you ok with her sleeping with another man? Introducing your children to him? Are you concerned that instead of sending your children the message that they keep promises that you may actually be sending the message that’s it A-OK that men get walked all over while woman aren’t expected to keep promises?
/r/Divorce_Men03/06/23 06:15 AM
1

Are you from Yorkshire? Cornwall?
/r/Divorce_Men03/06/23 06:08 AM
3

Also your use of S’s where we’d use z’s (recognise v. Recognize) and u’s where we just shorten the word (harbour v. Harbor) and mum. That’s why we know you’re a limey.
/r/Divorce_Men03/06/23 06:01 AM
3

Affair partner? Anal probe? Alligator pussy? Your guess is as good as mine.
/r/Divorce_Men03/06/23 02:05 AM
4

Good point. I just got a whiff of wallowing from your post and I’d be willing to bet that you’re a stand up fella who has lots to offer.
/r/Divorce_Men03/06/23 01:55 AM
1

Well thank you. I appreciate your well thought out and composed response. I’m certain that you’re thinking about how despicable it is to do something like that to your own children (let alone anyone!). We’re definitely in agreement there. I hope you have a spectacular rest of your evening.
/r/Divorce_Men03/06/23 01:49 AM
-2

What are you trying to accomplish with this? Rehash all the ways you’ve been wronged by the turd? Make a decision, are you going to still be the nice thoughtful person you always were or are you going to turn into a victim and perpetual sourpuss?
/r/Divorce_Men03/06/23 01:46 AM
5

You’re going to need to work on enjoying your own company. Once you truly develop the “I’m having a blast with me, myself, and I” attitude, you’ll be prepared to make any situation fun. Seriously, get goofy and do ridiculous stuff that makes you laugh. People are like dogs, we can smell fear and trepidation from a mile away, but the flip side is that we also gravitate towards those who are fun to be around. Chin up, cock hard, and go kick life in the stinkbox!
/r/Divorce_Men03/06/23 01:33 AM
2

I agree that it’s irresponsible, reprehensible, negligent, etc., etc., etc. Perhaps I’m a bit biased by the fact that I can’t see my children for an indefinite period because in AZ calling someone a secretive bitch is domestic abuse. Should OP document? Of course! Is this indicative of a lack of maturity in their mother? You bet your ass it is, but I get wary of this push to keep moving the definition of abuse to more and more innocuous shit. If OP is the one who makes sure his kids needs are me…
/r/Divorce_Men03/06/23 01:22 AM
11

Whoa! Take a step back. You’re not a loser and you will have to stop telling yourself you are. You’re gonna make it through this tribulation too. Would you rather be back in the old Friday knock-down drag-out fight? Yeah, at first I felt like a loser, but it passes. Find a movie, book, anything you like and before you dig into that, make a plan (or at least start brainstorming) for some fun shit to do next time you have a free night.
/r/Divorce_Men03/06/23 01:06 AM
4

Judges are human so you never know, but seriously don’t sweat it. It’s all very clearly a joke and you didn’t tell your kids to aspire to become grand wizards or anything. She’s gonna try whatever she can to knock you down a peg or three. If you stick to the facts at the hearing and she goes off about obvious jokes, only a low-watt gurgler is going to give her points for that shit.
/r/Divorce_Men03/06/23 12:48 AM
-10

No it’s not. While I’m not one to make excuses for an ex, this is pretty minor shit. Does it suck that their mother is a child as well, hell yeah, but it’s a change of clothes and shoes. If they hadn’t been fed or watered in days, that’s a different story altogether.
/r/Divorce_Men03/06/23 12:39 AM
1

While you can’t control your own mother, why is she speaking to this wingnut at all? I’m sure you know the drill (don’t talk to her at all unless it’s directly related to the kids) so stick to it and have a wonderful Friday evening!
/r/Divorce_Men03/06/23 12:35 AM
5

You don’t always have to bring extras, but perhaps a bag with a change of clothes that you keep in the car for these times will be the ticket? Don’t let the ex-wife become a hex-wife by giving her more power over your mind and stability. Bring it up to your lawyer and document it, but if you spend a ton of time fretting about this, she’s still got you by the balls man.
/r/Divorce_Men03/06/23 12:27 AM
10

At least you realize that you made mistakes. Most people are too thick to have even an ounce of introspection. You can at the very least pat yourself on the back for recognizing it. Now it’s time to get to work and become a par human being!
/r/Divorce_Men02/06/23 02:38 AM
2

Isn’t that strange that a woman who slept with you for years would pull the fag card?!? If you’re the fag then she’s definitely the hag.
/r/Divorce_Men02/06/23 02:35 AM
3

The problem is that the relief is temporary and the hangover is worse. I was kind of a sot for a long time and the betrayal actually finally gave me the motivation to realize that the bottom of the bottle is always empty.
/r/Divorce_Men02/06/23 02:20 AM
4

I came to realize that most of that stuff was my pecker talking. I really wanted that ass again. I felt weird not wearing a ring, almost like I was a loser because what man at close to forty who’s worth his salt isn’t married, right? But then I saw that it was Dick Woodcock doing the thinking not me and my brain. I kept reminding myself of that and eventually it got better. Rosy Palmer and her five daughters is a good place to start. Don’t spank it to old memories, but get creative or watch some…
/r/Divorce_Men02/06/23 02:16 AM
2

You don’t actually know if she thinks about you or the marriage. Frankly, it doesn’t matter though. It’s gonna hurt and that’s ok. You sound like you’re on the right path. Stick to it and you’re absolutely right- the valleys get shallower and shallower until one day they disappear. You’ve got this and will stronger than ever soon.
/r/Divorce_Men02/06/23 02:09 AM
–

If you intend to not completely roll over and give her everything she asks for, make sure you prepare for a possible Order of Protection against you. So come to find out that AZ is one of the states that sets an extremely low bar for Domestic Violence. My albatross was able to get an ex parte restraining order for a year against me with the only allegation being that I called her a secretive bitch. She wasn’t successful in getting the kids included, but it doesn’t matter as she trundled them off…
/r/Divorce_Men02/06/23 02:04 AM
5

When I get those feelings of “maybe I still care about this creature who tried to ruin my life”, I now find myself wondering if it’s because I do still care for her or if it’s still a strong neurological pathway since I did care (literally and figuratively) for her for twenty years. It at least gives me an opportunity to step out of my thoughts about her and concentrate on what is the actual root cause of my masochistic behavior.
/r/Divorce_Men02/06/23 01:56 AM
9

Holy shit dude! That’s some utter ridiculousness. Good riddance!
/r/Divorce_Men02/06/23 01:51 AM
1

You did the right thing and I’m glad your oldest recognized it. Ex-wives will bitch, but it’s no longer the problem it would’ve been. Wishing you the best.
/r/Divorce_Men01/06/23 12:09 PM
9

For less than the price of a cup of coffee a day, you can save a Hoe. There are thirsty Hoes scattered across this great land. If you decide to save a Hoe, you’ll receive a handwritten letter at least once a month and a picture of your Hoe to remind you of the positive impact you have on the life of these poor Hoes.
/r/Divorce_Men01/06/23 02:38 AM
1

Well, then get your calculator and start crunching. Is two years of cash less than 50% of your assets? Is she realistic about what that total will be? If you can pin down an actual number, then it becomes an easier situation to navigate.
/r/Divorce_Men01/06/23 02:15 AM
1

Isn’t that Hercules daughter?
/r/Divorce_Men01/06/23 01:16 AM
3

I think it’s time we end women’s suffrage. They’ve had enough suffrage. Just ask em and they’ll tell you, we are done suffering under the yoke of the penis. Let’s give it to them good and hard!
/r/Divorce_Men01/06/23 01:12 AM
11

That’s a heartbreaking story. I’m sure you know that you’re in for a tough slog for a while, but ask anyone here. After you get past the initial phases of what’s happening, life gets better and usually much better! If it helps, remember that you gave it all you had in order to make it work. She fucked up. If you need to hash more shit out, you can definitely reach out to me.
/r/Divorce_Men01/06/23 01:08 AM
9

Pre-interweb most folks only had the local population to get trysty. Now one can find people outside of their regular social circle. It was more prevalent for men to cheat (or get caught) because more often it was the man leaving town for business, etc.
/r/Divorce_Men01/06/23 12:55 AM
7

This is state and potentially locality dependent. Sorry, but a good divorce attorney is going to be your best bet.
/r/Divorce_Men01/06/23 12:26 AM
2

Where do you live? I’d also like to point out that while you may conceptualize America as a single entity with a similar culture (like France-even France has vast differences among the departments, etc.), it actually is The United States (States here being the classic independent units of authority) and differs greatly from place to place. Go from Alabama to California and then tell me that it’s the same place with the same values across the board. Just because the low watt gurglers make the mos…
/r/Divorce_Men01/06/23 12:23 AM
1

So on the nose. I hope your nickname is hammer, cause you nailed it!
/r/Divorce_Men01/06/23 12:00 AM
5

It’s bananas how many quisling males there are over there cheering on this wretched behavior too! “Yeah, you have every right to live your life how you see fit! What a standup bossbitch you are!”. Fucking losers.
/r/Divorce_Men31/05/23 11:56 PM
1

? Out of curiosity, what gives you that impression?
/r/Divorce_Men31/05/23 11:43 PM
4

“I just don’t find women as close to menopause as you physically attractive. Frankly old broads like you smell funny. I’m now really enjoying pussy that looks like a paper cut”.
/r/Divorce_Men31/05/23 11:41 PM
3

I got no problem with a beak punch to the ole starfish. Still not a huge fan of getting penetrated myself, but I love tagging the back door.
/r/Divorce_Men31/05/23 11:27 PM
4

Good for you! Taking the bull by the horns rather than chasing it and eventually being covered head to toe in bullshit. I like your style!
/r/Divorce_Men31/05/23 11:24 PM
2

That’s very true- It’s the hope that kills you. Once you stop focusing on trying to rekindle (or reconnect, etc.) it’s actually then possible (even though highly unlikely). As counterintuitive as it sounds, it’s the only way to be happy again. Most often you find out that you’re doing better than when you were together and have no interest even if they express a desire to give it another shot.
/r/Divorce_Men31/05/23 11:20 PM
1

Being friendly and being friends are two different things. It’s smart to be as friendly as possible in this situation (they’re living under the same roof), but don’t confuse it for friendship. No confiding in her, no unguarded moments, but being pleasant even if she’s not, is still a good move.
/r/Divorce_Men31/05/23 10:59 PM
3

If you’re serious about reconciliation, then a handwritten letter sent through the post will be opened. No one can resist opening a piece of mail addressed to them by hand. Spend some quality time composing it. Write a few drafts. Make it one good piece of correspondence and then stop. If you’re looking for help in this department, a gentleman named Lee Baucom could be a good starting point. Google him and read his stuff. I wish you luck and remember, you get to decide whether you wear a smile o…
/r/Divorce_Men31/05/23 10:53 PM
3

I read September and October 21. I’m sorry you went through that. I’m stunned that you got any flack for posting this elsewhere. While my story doesn’t line up exactly, there are quite a few “yup, I know that one”, and “ahh, so this happens to other people too”. Now is the time to focus on the future and live the life you always wanted but couldn’t achieve with the deadweight. Good luck in all of your endeavors.
/r/Divorce_Men31/05/23 10:47 PM
1

Huh? How is this possible? If they’re not your children, why would you ever be responsible for paying for them?
/r/Divorce_Men31/05/23 07:08 PM
2

Sagacity at its finest! I have noticed how much smoother everything is once I shut the hell up and talked to her as little as possible. It’s undoubtedly all about control for this lump of meat I used to call a wife.
/r/Divorce_Men31/05/23 06:06 PM
22

This is a common theme here. We all go through it. It doesn’t matter if you initiated the divorce or she did. It’s a loss and trauma. Like all trauma, it gets easier to accept as time passes, if you’re honest with yourself. For a few months I was driven mad at the thought of my wife in bed with another man. Slowly it dissipates and now I don’t think about it. There’s a ton of good advice here and lots of dudes here to help you through the times you’re struggling the most. Use this sub to find th…
/r/Divorce_Men31/05/23 12:59 PM
3

I think breast pairs is the accepted term now.
/r/Divorce_Men31/05/23 12:37 PM
2

Don’t feel too bad. We all make mistakes. Now you know better and won’t let it happen again. It’s still so befuddling that one can try to actually be a decent person and the partner who swore to sickness and health could be so fucking callous. Her comeuppance is around the corner. Stay strong and calm and you will come out on top.
/r/Divorce_Men31/05/23 11:46 AM
3

Even Bath-salt Rhinos with cannons? Coked up Vultures with cattle prods? You’re serious!
/r/Divorce_Men31/05/23 08:19 AM
24

I have a feeling this will be coming down the pike for me as soon as I reunite with my children. She’s as stubborn as as a mule (yeah she’s an ass alright). Yesterday would’ve been our 12th anniversary and I got a message about how sad it was things went the way they did! Bitch, you left unexpectedly, took the kids, filed a restraining order and yet you’re sad that things happened the way they did? I’m letting her believe the door is still open, but only so I can potentially get my kids back fas…
/r/Divorce_Men31/05/23 02:16 AM
1

Dude, I’m so sorry. I anxiously await hearing your story unfold. It’s at the very least, a step in the right direction.
/r/Divorce_Men31/05/23 02:03 AM
1

What does the injunction actually state?
/r/Divorce_Men31/05/23 02:02 AM
0

So on hearsay, you’re confused why someone would want to try and do this in a manner that is above board when you’re pretty sure that they could hide assets easily. This is especially strange considering OP wrote that his ex has already accused him multiple times of hiding assets. Look, I’m not trying to be an ass or rude, but even us men can have our emotions overcome the little rational part of us. Perhaps this post struck close to home for you? Again, we’re all here because things didn’t go p…
/r/Divorce_Men31/05/23 01:56 AM
1

I’m certain there’s a way that you can use her lack of motivation in your favor. Of course everyone is right that you need to have that most precious resource, patience. You said she neglects the children. Do you have notes about this? What exactly is she doing (more properly, not doing) that’s neglectful? Do you have witnesses willing to give sworn statements about the neglect? Are your children old enough to clearly and succinctly communicate this? I’m sorry that your ex is dragging her feet. …
/r/Divorce_Men31/05/23 01:48 AM
1

Is she not participating because she does not want a divorce? When was she served? Are we talking weeks or months?
/r/Divorce_Men31/05/23 12:05 AM
1

It will hurt for a long time, but it does get better. Yesterday would’ve been my 12th anniversary. I didn’t shed a single tear. It was surprising to me to say the least, as I only stopped crying daily about the loss of the two most important people in my life. I’ve decided to concentrate on what I can control and not worry/think about what I can’t. By no means is this easy, but character is built during our toughest times, not the easy ones. You will be stronger on the other side of this.
/r/Divorce_Men30/05/23 01:03 PM
1

I unfortunately know this story personally. Going from the best father to the next day a threat to every living creature! They will say whatever they have to in order to get what they want at that moment. It’s wicked. Patience is your friend right now. Stay calm, don’t hastily speak or reply to her. March on and eventually it will come to a place that you will be happy and comfortable.
/r/Divorce_Men30/05/23 12:59 PM
1

Yes, it is. It wasn’t up to him for the arrest, but he’s “the witness”. If the state doesn’t have a witness, then they have no evidence, hence charge dismissed.
/r/Divorce_Men30/05/23 12:40 PM
1

How far away from you do they live? Are they local? I’m super curious about her change in attitude regarding your visitation. I’d love to figure out something similar for my situation.
/r/Divorce_Men29/05/23 01:49 PM
3

If it wasn’t a custody order, what made her finally relent and allow contact? I’m not giving up. Daddy pays for everything and is an attorney, so she has delayed every step of the process. I filed in the beginning of October and she refused to sign the paperwork for 6 weeks until the court threatened her with default, then she fired her lawyer after close of business on a Friday for a Monday mediation about three months ago, then her new lawyer had a conflict so this last mediation was delayed a…
/r/Divorce_Men29/05/23 10:45 AM
-2

What’s up with the chip on your shoulder? You’re extremely judgmental for having such little information. I’m sure you’re an absolute pleasure to be around in person.
/r/Divorce_Men29/05/23 03:27 AM
6

You should’ve ditched that couples therapist! Holy shit, that’s what crazy people do, give advice that it’s not her fault, it’s yours! Sorry, but you need to put your foot down (or up her ass).
/r/Divorce_Men29/05/23 03:07 AM
6

You know what she’s going to say. Nothing. I’d be surprised is you even receive an insincere apology (and you bet your ass you’ll have to actually ask for it too!). You need to file immediately or tell her that you absolutely will never put up with her overgrown baby behavior. If you give an inch, it will spiral downward quickly. It’s hard to listen to advice from strangers, but you have to cut this hysterical harpy loose.
/r/Divorce_Men29/05/23 03:00 AM
2

I’m sorry your ex has so throughly poisoned the well. These people are despicable. It’s a travesty that this happens at all. The crazy part (at least for me) is that I could’ve done the exact same thing (run off with the kids and never let her see them), but it never in a million years would’ve crossed my mind to do something like that. Hey, you don’t want to be with me anymore, that’s fine, but why can’t we work this out as adults instead of sullying my name and reputation to anyone and everyon…
/r/Divorce_Men29/05/23 02:52 AM
8

Congratulations! Today is 11 months for me and I just can’t understand why women do this. I hope you get to see your little one everyday!
/r/Divorce_Men29/05/23 02:43 AM
12

If you’re terrified of her, then prepare before telling her to go F off. Record your interactions, document her behavior (questions you don’t like, mood swings, etc.), let a trusted third party (or ten) know the situation. Then tell her that she won’t be staying with you any longer and stand firm. If you crack at all, then you will bring wrath like you’ve never seen before. Get your ducks in a row, then tell her to take a hike.
/r/Divorce_Men28/05/23 04:35 PM
73

Why are you allowing her to “live” with you? You didn’t actually kick her to the curb if she’s on your couch 50% of the time. She’s a big girl. She can figure out her own arrangements for her time with the kids. Stop giving this person anything.
/r/Divorce_Men28/05/23 04:20 PM
2

Definitely speak to your lawyer before allowing her to take anything. Put things that you will not allow her to take in a locked part of the house. If you have the list of items she’s requested and crossed off what you will not give her (or rewritten the whole thing), then make sure you hand a copy to any officer present when she collects those items. Take pictures of every item she takes so there is no questioning what ended up with whom down the road. Follow your lawyer’s advice to a T and sta…
/r/Divorce_Men28/05/23 04:03 PM
7

The vast majority (99+%) of abductions are this very thing. Yes, they will go looking for a parent that kidnabs their child. Amber alerts are almost always these situations. It becomes a greater concern when the parent is suspected of crossing state lines or could flee internationally. If your ex disappears with the kids, definitely file a police report every single time. Even if they don’t do anything, you want a record. It couldn’t look worse for you than “Well, the kids are supposed to be in …
/r/Divorce_Men28/05/23 03:53 PM
7

Are you in a no-fault state? It may not matter if you’ve already left the house (for whatever reason). PI’s aren’t too expensive and if you have the money, it’s probably worth it. Documenting is definitely good too, but it carries less weight than a report from a PI. I was able to hire one for $500 and needed a bit more of his time and effort, so ended up spending another $500, but got all of the info I needed. If it’s already ugly then chances are it’s not going to ease up anytime soon. The mor…
/r/Divorce_Men28/05/23 11:21 AM
2

Great advice! Staying calm and moving methodically will be the biggest gift when he’s ready to pull the trigger and file.
/r/Divorce_Men28/05/23 10:51 AM
3

If you can keep all correspondence to text/email and speak to her as little as possible (hopefully not at all), you’ve got her by the short and curlies and there’s nothing she can do about it. Don’t tell her you have the upper hand or threaten her with court, consequences, etc. Just don’t say anything.
/r/Divorce_Men28/05/23 10:46 AM
2

This too shall pass. Stick to your guns and if she wants something, she can do the legwork.
/r/Divorce_Men28/05/23 10:42 AM
1

Sans the taking out my anger on slugs (I don’t blame you or think negatively, they suck!), I had many of the same behaviors at first. I still smoke too much, but at first I would smoke 3-4 packs a day. Just felt right at the time. Slowly, you’ll start to make peace with the situation and the other funny behaviors gradually pass. I can’t tell you exactly how long, but each day gets slightly better. It’s more like a changing of tide and not a steady progression like a race. One day, you’ll feel gr…
/r/Divorce_Men28/05/23 10:17 AM
3

You may be powerless over her, but you have plenty of power in the area that matters most-yourself! Regardless of what happens, if you keep in your head that this relationship is over, you will be in a better position no matter the outcome. Speaking from personal experience, don’t get your hopes up if one day after you have implemented the (no contact, greyrock, etc.) if she decides to be sweet and open and caring. Keep on the path until she makes one hell of an effort to change. If she sees tha…
/r/Divorce_Men24/05/23 07:03 PM
3

This is the beta-cuck disneyification version of Indians. They were often times ruthless torture pigs. If you think chief wampum has a better idea of how to live, I suggest you visit your nearest Res. Oh and the people are extraordinarily friendly and beautiful.
/r/Divorce_Men24/05/23 05:45 PM
8

I’m happy to hear that you came out on top so far. It’s always nice to have a little confirmation that your decision was a good one.
/r/Divorce_Men24/05/23 05:39 PM
3

It seems we have a differing opinion. I wish you the best in all that life has to offer .
/r/Divorce_Men24/05/23 05:36 PM
0

I made clear that if the only reason he is considering a split is due to lack of sex, then yes. If it’s deeper than that, well, that becomes a different thing entirely. Hookers can actually be a very healthy choice. Much better than getting entangled in another relationship and for many of us, post-nut clarity is very important and potentially extremely useful. I make no claim that this is the right way to go for this gentleman, but it’s an option.
/r/Divorce_Men24/05/23 12:29 PM
0

It actually sounds like she doesn’t get turned on at all and you like excuses. How long’s it been since you got your Schwanz sauced? If you don’t remember, getting laid puts a lot in perspective and immediately brings the frustration level down significantly. It actually may help you relate to your wife more. And honestly, if you’re serious about the drains and trash, you haven’t been with very many women. What they say is different from what they actually want. Good luck.
/r/Divorce_Men24/05/23 10:34 AM
4

Escorts are great in these situations. If what really is bothering you is dry dong, yet you feel you can live somewhat happily with the other goings-ons, then a few times a year avail yourself of lady services.
/r/Divorce_Men24/05/23 03:12 AM
1

I don’t have any specific advice for PG county, but some general advice. If you have anyone who has gone through this that you feel comfortable talking to, ask them who they used and if they were pleased. Start mashing that keypad and make as many calls as you can to get consultations. While this is a time sensitive thing, spending the extra time upfront to secure good counsel will pay you back in spades. Stop listening to anyone else about your divorce. No matter how trusted and trustworthy the…
/r/Divorce_Men23/05/23 02:02 PM
1

Great advice and encouragement! It’s always darkest before the light. Keep going no matter what and no matter how hopeless it may seem sometimes. Perseverance will be your best ally.
/r/Divorce_Men23/05/23 01:15 PM
3

I’m going through a very similar situation. It’s been 11 months since I’ve seen my children. She did take out a restraining order on me (it will finally lapse in the beginning of July). I had to move back across the country to the state we were married, so I didn’t have to wait for the residency requirement to file. She has continuously pushed back every hearing, refused to even take the divorce papers for six weeks back in October when I filed, fired her attorney one day before our scheduled me…
/r/Divorce_Men23/05/23 11:07 AM
6

In about an hour and a half lawyers offices will open. I suggest you contact as many as possible and get consultations as soon as you can. Each state varies for support, custody, etc. The trend in many states is 50/50 default, but your old lady can easily make any allegation she wants to skew the time in her favor if you don’t act quickly. Good luck.
/r/Divorce_Men22/05/23 11:32 AM
4

Hey, I completely understand. The shock is very difficult. I’m a friendly ear, if you wanna chat.
/r/Divorce_Men21/05/23 11:58 PM
1

I would love to hear updates on your situation. I wish you the best, no matter how your relationship shapes up. Did you officially divorce?
/r/Divorce_Men21/05/23 11:51 PM
1

Yes it is, and it’s a consistent human drive to continue to put effort into something we’ve already invested a great deal. There is a name for it in economics: The Sunk Cost Fallacy. It doesn’t make it much easier, but perhaps you’ll take some solace in knowing that it’s a completely reasonable reaction. You’ve experienced a great trauma, but with time you’ll find it has helped push you towards being anti-fragile, whereby you only grow stronger with any trauma large or small. Wishing you the bes…
/r/Divorce_Men21/05/23 11:47 PM
5

How long’s it been? It took me a couple months before I could get my brain to calm down and think about anything else. A few months later, I didn’t get sad or cry everyday. Then in a few months after that, the acceptance finally arrived. It’s more like waves and tides than a slow steady march. You’ll move forward and slip back, have epiphanies and utter despair, but before you realize it consciously, it’s been a year out and you’re moving on with life(and in my case, far more joy than previously…
/r/Divorce_Men21/05/23 11:40 PM
14

She’s not going to be honest. It doesn’t matter in the long run either. All I wanted were answers at first, but now looking back , the emotions are too high to believe anything either of you say. Guard yourself, this is the most critical time to not make a silly mistake. Let her talk, but say as little as possible.
/r/Divorce_Men19/05/23 05:22 PM
16

No matter what happens, you need to act exactly as if it has ended and there’s no going back. Set your boundaries. Would you tolerate her “going on a date” while you’re separated? Now it’s time to start moving forward with your life. What couldn’t you do with her but really wanted to? Go do it. If you can have maximum fun while not going off the rails, that’s your best bet. It’s going to be raw all around for awhile, so keep the chat to necessities and nothing else.
/r/Divorce_Men19/05/23 05:14 PM
3

Wow! It’s like there’s a group of harpies running a business for crazy women. Oh wait, there are literally hundreds of them. They all use the same playbook. It’s unconscionable that this still persists. I’m at almost 11 months since I’ve seen my little dudes and she has stalled at every opportunity. The court is not pleased. We’ll see what happens, but she threatens me that if I don’t drop the divorce and acquiesce to every single one of her ridiculous demands, then she’s going to continue to dr…
/r/Divorce_Men16/05/23 10:16 PM
2

This is an enormous change in your daily life. It will absolutely have some impact on your relationships with everyone else. This is a great time to put a solid foundation in place for yourself, by yourself. And, women prefer to be listened to not listening, so it can be a turn on (a man of few words) once you hone it. Either you’ll like this new quirk in your personality or you’ll change it. Divorce is trauma and trauma does all sorts of crazy things.
/r/Divorce_Men16/05/23 10:06 PM
2

They do subside. When this first happened, I would often wake in such a state of sorrow due to how vivid and realistic they were and I rarely remember dreams. Over a short period of maybe a month they vanished. It was such a disturbing experience, but as everyone had told me at the start of this, that it gets better and by the end of the first year, you’ll most likely be happier than you have been in a long time.
/r/Divorce_Men16/05/23 09:53 PM
2

Go see your child. Make sure to bring along another adult and if she is recording you, you need to do the same. You should record (if it’s legal) every interaction from here on out. Please don’t abandon your kid. You will miss out on these precious moments, their mother will use it against you, and your son won’t understand why papa doesn’t come around anymore. Going forward, try to find another place to take your boy so you’re not staying in her house. Good luck and I’m truly rooting for you.
/r/Divorce_Men16/05/23 09:44 PM
1

This is a beautiful negotiation tactic. Works well in so many different situations throughout life! The humor also goes a long way.
/r/Divorce_Men24/04/23 03:46 PM
11

Please try and remember your pain will subside. It’s the most grueling thing most of us ever have to do is go through something like this. I am never the type to tell you that you need to live for others. Does it bring you any joy to see your children again? It’s the first time you’re seeing them after so long and I can only imagine that the whole thing dredges up every single bit of minute detail of your predicament. Like they say in AA, just get through today. I’ll be here if you want to DM.
/r/Divorce_Men07/04/23 07:32 PM
2

As with anything else in life, your confidence in yourself (represented by your speech) is all that 99%+ of people remember. Do you look worn out and bedraggled? Do you sound upbeat and happy? This is much more important than the specifics. Nobody cares about the minutiae of your situation (perhaps outside of your close personal relationships). Remember, you get to decide whether you have a smile on your face each day or a frown. I’ve personally found that responding to general pleasantries with…
/r/Divorce_Men06/04/23 04:54 AM
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