I know it’s said often in this group to be careful about dating and catching feelings while you’re separated. Well I fucked up and accidentally did that.

I’ve been separated from stbx wife for almost two years. She was crazy, lazy, spoiled and just wired differently. Also 120 pounds over weight. I make about 3x her salary. I was extremely checked out most of the 7 year marriage but miserably comfortable. She possibly has borderline personality disorder and is extremely hateful and has assaulted me more times than I can count. On her birthday two years ago she punched me in the nuts because I got out of the mood during sex (sorry-but she’s obese, sometimes I’d go soft). Anyways, that was probably the 50th time she’d hit me. Been for various reasons. So I declared I was divorcing her. Been an uphill battle for a while, but we finally have almost come to an agreement.

In the mean time I started dating casually and for fun about 2 months after separation. I know it’s not right, but was checked out for years and I told her she’s free to do as she wants to. I had a quite a bit of fun. Hooked up with a few cute and sweet women, and some otherwise crazy women. I was getting exhausted. Then I tried Hinge. I met what seemed to be an amazing girl. She was nerdy, a dentist, no kids and we shared a lot of the same hobbies, she was super cute and not dated much. She was super sweet. I told her on the third date I was going through a divorce. At first she took it bad. Then she said she enjoyed my company and we hung out as friends, with chemistry lingering. After 4 months we finally had sex and it became a full blown relationship. I’d say by month 8 I started to really have some feelings for her, and they were mutual. The “love” word was thrown around. She became everything I looked for and wanted in a woman. Over the summer we had a slight falling out as my divorce was just not moving along and the wife was utterly crazy (still doesn’t know about this girl). We called it off for like a day, then somehow got back together. Well since about November wife and I have been amicable. We’re making some final tweaks to our draft for the divorce before it’s executed. Welllll, lo and behold the chick I let myself get attached to says she wants out. Woke up and realized she can’t date a guy with a kid, her parents won’t like it, I wasn’t “there” enough for her in her dental degree studies, I wasn’t “there” when her dog died. Just typical BS chicks sell on a break up. Unfortunately I’m heart broken. I’m also pissed at myself for getting attached like I did. My point is I should have waited to meet a chick like that after my divorce was final. It just drug on and I guess I wanted an escape during this time. I should have at least stayed in player mode.

Good news though - wife has agreed to 50/50 custody, agreed not to attempt to move out of state. CS will be $640 a month. Just negotiating alimony, but think we’re gonna settle for $500 a month. Not as bad as i thought. House will be sold with a 50/50 split on the income from the sale, and she gets half the 401k worth from the date of separation.

In regard to the other dilemma, just venting I guess. A little sad (very sad). I fucked up catching feelings for someone, feel betrayed after all that time with her. How do you hang on that long, and when the shit becomes a reality you bounce? So out of character for her. Assuming she maybe met another dude. Now I feel like I’m at a pit fall with my divorce coming, and losing a chick I’ve come to know and got close with. Anybody else been through this? If so can you PM me? Just need a little words of wisdom. I can definitely see why you don’t catch feelings for others while getting a divorce - it’s dramatic, and it leaves a fog. Now I fear dating and will probably just go back to player mode. Also the stbx wife can sense I got dumped and was really sweet for once the other night lol. Never flat out told her I was dating but she kinda knew. She said something to the effect of this last night, “look, I know I was mean as hell before. I know you started seeing someone over a year ago. I didn’t take It well and acted more crazy during our divorce. I always prayed you would change your mind and take me back. I’ll get into therapy and try to be better”. She said more stuff, but idk I’m so fucking confused. Still pretty much want divorce. Just pissed I let myself get here.