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regertsrus Archive

View 5 posts and 912 comments by regertsrus on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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1

Funny coincedence. I am in the same boat except all the false police reports the false orders and the boyfriend being ejected by child lawyer, really landed her in trouble with the kids and now she was forced to sign 50/50 parenting and custody agreement. A few days ago i had to meet her in order of protection court. Her lawyer the child lawyer and court clerk tried to get me to sign documents saying i wont harass her any more and they will withdraw the whole case. I ripped them a new one so har…
/r/Divorce_Men24/05/25 12:10 PM
1

You know i started off in the same boat. And i kept it all too myself. At first the kids didnt come either. I was alot more lucky than you. I was in real bad shape though. Daily thoughts of being erased and severe panic attacks for a year. I had ALOT of luck frankly i am shocked at how much of it i had. The last examample was just a few days ago. I had to to self rep into round 4 into order of protection court. I was acosted by her lawyer, the child lawyer and the court clerk that claimed to be …
/r/Divorce_Men24/05/25 11:02 AM
1

Is there any chance to cure your mental health? Or is it for life?
/r/Divorce_Men23/05/25 12:22 PM
1

Your "wife" is a horrible person and mother. You should run from that as far as you can. You should be worried about your kids assimilating any part of that personality. The biggest issue is YOU. Where is your head? Why do you sound like you have any blame? You will need to change that part of you.
/r/Divorce_Men23/05/25 12:06 PM
1

Loving your kids is simply sacrifice. If your x is a stay at home mom and sucking your child support pretending "its for the kids" while you living in a roach motel, then what sacrifice has she made? If you kicked your X out your home and made her get another small home where the kids get to have a reduced lifestyle, then what sacrifice have you made. In my case it is very simple. I left EVERYTHINg for my kids. She has left nothing. A lazy pathological liar. I have no doubt she loves herself mor…
/r/Divorce_Men22/05/25 11:34 AM
2

Then she owes you maintenance at that rate.... If you choose to collect it
/r/Divorce_Men21/05/25 01:46 PM
3

The income disparity wont help you. If children are split 50/50 you may get child support sinse she is the moneyd spouse. Being that you have preteens even if you litigate and get child support, the lawyers will drain all the future worth of that support. Your best best is to divorce and just take half the assetts and half the money she "gifted" away. Dont make this litigious. The sharks (lawyers) will eat you alive with false promises and she will believe all the lies her lawyer tells her if yo…
/r/Divorce_Men21/05/25 01:24 PM
4

You better be saving proof of all these "loans". They will need to be paid back (half to you). You should be divorcing and quickly. Discovery paperwork needs to be filed immediately. Banks will delete all traces of these transactions after 7 years and a screenshot may not be adequate proof.
/r/Divorce_Men21/05/25 01:21 PM
1

How old are the kids?
/r/Divorce_Men21/05/25 12:51 AM
1

You dont know that. Here is what you do know. Their mom loves them. The chikd may not be comfortable with this arrangement and you might never know. The child might just want parents at the parents event. At one point the child will be an adult who also experiences a divorce and decides "i have a right to bring my new partner to said event". The potential issue is not you specifically. The issue may be any number of things. My girlfriend who has been a better mother to my kids than their own mot…
/r/Divorce_Men20/05/25 11:08 AM
1

Oh man that silver bullet my pathological X fired got her into a heap of trouble and she has yet to get a slap on the wrist in court. The judges in my case will soon get a taste of reality when i get a chance to get some stuff off my chest. that fear of losing my kids vanished when i ceded the children all the power to make decisions. Courts manadates are made for the sole purpose of retaining absolute control. Which is why they constantly seek to gag you and prevent kids from making decisions "…
/r/Divorce_Men20/05/25 12:52 AM
4

I know exactly how you feel. Even worse. My story is very unique. I hope you take my advice. Give it time. She is too young. Your only job is to show her how a real man behaves. You dont talk about him. You dont talk about her. You teach your child things like "if they are talking about other people in front of you then they will talk about you infront of other people". Things of this nature. Things of a moral compass. Nothing else. Give it time and one day she will surprise you and reveal what …
/r/Divorce_Men20/05/25 12:48 AM
0

I like everything here except 1 thing. This notion that you have to prove youre father of the year to a stranger can be dibilitating. I took a different approach. I clued my kids onto what these child lawyers are all about and how these parasites only care about money. That i will not cower to any jusge and will not play their pathological games. That if i lose my currently favorable stance in court, it will be because i wont let these strangers judge me or lie to me anymore. Now only my kids wi…
/r/Divorce_Men19/05/25 03:06 AM
1

That the best way to escallate in court (its a business and they all want your money) is to gag you. To make you fear telling your kids the truth. While the X wife can lie in sworn affidavits with impunity, you are supposed to fear telling your kids that a child lawyer is going to interview them. This is how court maintains control (fear) and this is one of many ways these parasites escallate this proccess into hundreds of thousands of dollars spent. All the while proclaiming "in the best intere…
/r/Divorce_Men19/05/25 02:57 AM
2

Sounds all too familiar. Be careful though. Some people will tell you not to leave. I will tell you to think twice before you stay until divorce is done. If she is a Narc she will definitely find a way to force you out and you will have left not of your own accord. Eventually she will fire every single silver bullet she can muster, with her gallant lawyer always singing into her ear. There are a few ways to conquer this. The more expensive way of fighting fire with fire. There is a much simpler …
/r/Divorce_Men19/05/25 02:44 AM
1

Your problem is not your x wife nor your relationship with a 3 year old. Your problem is a legal system designed to make money. Its a business. I finally got ahead of this scam by waiting and being patient. Now almost 4 years after i left a pathological liar and cheat, my kids are finally old enough to make decisions and tell the agents of court orders to get out the hell out of their lives. Countless false cps, multiple false police, and false orders of protections and violations, i learned one…
/r/Divorce_Men18/05/25 05:53 PM
1

You should figure out if you love her. Then if it constitutes cheating. If there was any lying. If you will be looking over your shoulder for the rest of your time with her. If the answer to any of these questions is against your relationship, then you file
/r/Divorce_Men16/05/25 09:58 AM
1

Start by KNOwING you will. Thats the first step to trying.
/r/Divorce_Men13/05/25 08:14 PM
1

No this silver bullet never left a scar. The pathological liar i left, sent me into hell and i came out a monster (a nice one). I am sorry for you because your judge couldnt read between the lines. I hope one day you can get this off your chest. The way forward for me was to say it loud "i do not negotiate or coparent with a pathological liar". Everyone heard me and in that moment the past mattered not.
/r/Divorce_Men13/05/25 11:48 AM
1

Yeah i would be the guy to laugh at the judge if she allowed a pathological liars silver bullet to penetrate deep enough to escallate and injunction. I suppose god intervened. Because this woman and her liar lawyer tried it all and failed again and again
/r/Divorce_Men13/05/25 12:34 AM
1

I am shocked. You drank a beer and now you cant talk to the kids? How exactly do they enforce this order? I guess i am lucky. I would laugh at them, go to jail and everyones lives are upended. I wonder if the judges and clerks know that my wife is a liar and i would be that guy that rather talk to my kids and face arrest than adhere to this farse of court clerk circle jerk. The stuff she said is absolutely heinous including accusing me of trying to kill her (i have proof she made it all up).
/r/Divorce_Men13/05/25 12:05 AM
3

Are you my twin?
/r/Divorce_Men12/05/25 02:06 AM
1

Same happen to me except she got caught again and again. No injuction just repeat false reports again and again and again. Unfounded CPS, false police reports a few times, then the sherriffs and orders of protection and numerous violations. Tbh if the courts probited me from talking to my kids i would bust out laughing and call my kids until they truck me away to jail. Let the system pay for 5 kids (blended family) and 2 grown adults (the X and her loeffer boyfriend). I wont lose a moment of sle…
/r/Divorce_Men12/05/25 01:50 AM
1

How exactly do you get an injunction that prevents you from talking to the kids? I can picture myself going through this and not giving a dime about a pathological X liar and a judge that allows her to do it with impunity. I am going through it now but the judges (both of them) seen to understand my x lies. How old are your kids?
/r/Divorce_Men12/05/25 01:44 AM
12

Every divorce lawyer promises the woman the world. This is why the term "escallation" exists. It only takes one
/r/Divorce_Men11/05/25 11:55 PM
23

The same people who say "dont leave your house" and "child support is for the kids"
/r/Divorce_Men11/05/25 10:27 PM
6

The most inspirational quote i ever heard, and it helped me countless times, not only to live better but to find the lies and liars that used to surround me "a man who does not lie, does not have to remember what he said"
/r/Divorce_Men11/05/25 03:06 PM
8

Youre not "lucky" to have 50/50. She is lucky that infidelity is not criminalized. She is lucky this broken system is designed solely for the purpose of parting YOU from your money. Because if the system was fair, a stay at home mom would be forced to work and a cheater would be forced to return years of YOUR time wasted. So dont get it twisted. The system is broken and it seeks to break every family and often at the expense of the kids, despite the contary message the system spoonfeeds us
/r/Divorce_Men11/05/25 02:54 PM
4

Keep texting and keep giving away your love. Its the only love you will keep. Eventually when the "guilt" of betrying her mother vanishes, she will remember. Its a bit too early for her to come to any realizations. She already knows but time is needed for that extra nudge. Keep being her dad. You dont have to be that in person. Do that right and one day, you might find out that she remembers it all better than you do. You did not say why you are estranged from her but i think i can form an opini…
/r/Divorce_Men11/05/25 02:27 PM
1

I am not sure how it works in canada. Its a far left liberal state with the most insane rulers there. The courts may differ wildly in canada. I am in USA
/r/Divorce_Men11/05/25 02:23 PM
1

Courts only take your income into account for purposes of child support and alimony and paying lawyers. In some or all states you may be forced to pay a portion of her lawyers fees depending on the income spread. Assetts are divided equally though and only assetts acrued during the course of the marriage. Expenses and liabilities also equally. One thing you need to keep in mind. If your lawyer is telling you "dont talk to her" then take that as a sign he wants your money more than anything. It o…
/r/Divorce_Men11/05/25 02:06 PM
1

Oh wow ok then. Youre fine. Give her half if whatever your accrued during marital term and bounce
/r/Divorce_Men11/05/25 01:54 PM
1

The less you are concerned about your case and your outcome in court, the happier and healthier you will be. I am going throught the same thing now plus a serious case of the silver bullet method x10. My life and outlook changed when i realized that my kids dont want these agents of the court around. That they are with their mom 50% of the time because they feel bad for that pathological liar. And that i provide for 5 kids and 2 grown adults (X and her boyfriend) in what is still my house as i l…
/r/Divorce_Men11/05/25 11:29 AM
5

I would leave because that past is very likely going to be your future. You nave zero reasons to believe its not
/r/Divorce_Men11/05/25 11:20 AM
4

This doesnt sound so bad. The part about being arrested is very unfortunate though. I have had it much worse but luckily my X is a very well known pathological liar in court so they let her file whatever she wants and they just ignore here. Now you asked for advice so here it is: Just go! Dont stop. You and your son will have to mend your relationship. You will need to check your health and start doing things different. But you are given a chance to restart your life and your worried about an 8,…
/r/Divorce_Men10/05/25 06:31 PM
1

Try ok cupid
/r/Divorce_Men10/05/25 04:56 PM
13

Anyone can do that though. And why cant i leave? I can leave anyone. I chose to stay because she treats me well and I her. Thats a functional relationship
/r/Divorce_Men10/05/25 03:37 PM
3

What does one do when the pathological X liar constantly tries to derail your life and everyones around. I am talking umpteeth unfounded CPS complaints, multiple false police reports, and multiple false orders of protection and violations? All proven false still pending trial in family court and in supreme (for custody and money). I have spent over 3 years sitting on my hands doing nothing and saying nothing other than calling her a pathological and compulsive liar to anyone who asks why this ha…
/r/Divorce_Men10/05/25 03:18 PM
24

I dont know man. I found a woman who works full time, takes care of her kids and mine, goes to the gym, cooks, cleans and just all around people pleaser (myself especially). I have to often tell her to take it easy she is not a robot. A godsend compared to my pathological liar of an X
/r/Divorce_Men10/05/25 01:27 PM
2

Judge will force her to return all the money plus punitive damages at the very least
/r/Divorce_Men08/05/25 03:50 AM
4

Put a tracker on the car. Ask questions. If she cheating she will lie about her location if she still wants to stay together.
/r/Divorce_Men08/05/25 03:48 AM
1

This too shall pass and you will wonder why you were so paralyzed. Hit the fast forward button. ;)
/r/Divorce_Men08/05/25 12:09 AM
8

You were married 3 years. The ammount of support would be minimal even in her best case scenario. You go this route of fighting her and you will have spent more on lawyers. Reconsider this course
/r/Divorce_Men07/05/25 11:10 AM
1

When i finally proved her a pathological liar and saw the courts do nothing at all about the umpteenth false cps, multiple false police reports and ultimately false order of protection and violations. Took 3 years to get there and witness the silver bullet method finally die out. When it did, the kids finally had enough and stopped being inpartial. When that happen i told everyone in court that access to my kids by agents of court will no longer be allowed on my time. Thats when i stopped giving…
/r/Divorce_Men06/05/25 08:49 PM
1

I assure you the only thing i pray for is to find a way to never talk to her again
/r/Divorce_Men06/05/25 12:23 AM
1

Yes exactly right. it took me years post leaving to master this. I have not fully because we are still in court 3 plus years later. But she finally got the message. I wont coparent with a liar and she no longer has the desire to lie and escallate.
/r/Divorce_Men05/05/25 11:28 AM
3

Is it possible he is gay? Did you change in appearance? Weight gain? What happen between making baby and no interest at all? How certain are you there is nobody else? You missed all these answer oddly enough. I expected you to touch on all this but you didnt. So something is missing. It seems like there was no lying on your part. Maybe its not you? Does he have any mental illness or some trauma.?
/r/Divorce_Men05/05/25 01:37 AM
2

Exactly right! I am well past this. Nothing bothers other than this farce of a system that enabled her to derail my life and everyone around including the kids. My anger right now is at the system. I despise it for how it allows this to happen to every man who finds himself in my shoes but doesnt have the proof to defend himself. The one thing that helped me are my kids who are in their tweens and teens providing me the forward warning and opportunity to see it all coming. I would be in hell if …
/r/Divorce_Men05/05/25 01:14 AM
1

I assume this has not hurt you professionally? Your kids are also too young to take action because the easiest action is to let the kids decide whom and how often. I have had countless cps, police and orders of protections and violations. All proven false with mountain if evidence to show she is a compulsive and pathological liar. My final court is pending but i dont give a dime for the judges decision. The kids know well who is telling the truth. The lawyers and even the child lawyer does. Even…
/r/Divorce_Men05/05/25 01:01 AM
2

All that you said is accurate. There are different types if liars. Some less sinister than others. In my case it was simply to manipulate me to stay, then to keep everything i left behind. Now it is to keep my kids more than 50% to secure and keep child support for herself, that secures her part time work and my home that i left for the benefit of my kids. In my case, i am against a pathological liar. A person who lies to take, to steal and to deprive me of what is rightfully mine. In contrast y…
/r/Divorce_Men04/05/25 08:51 PM
2

If your X is not a liar, then youre right. If you have to deal with a liar then your reactionary personality is a normal symptom of a system that allows a woman to lie with absolute impunity and punishes facts often.
/r/Divorce_Men04/05/25 08:23 PM
1

You are very wrong unfortunately. If you are able bodied and relatively healthy, you are very much in your prime and have to grind it out a few more decades. And you can find another "rock" with relative ease. The hardest part in your journey is realizing all the great things you have without her. For you to move on and quickly just takes perspective. Look around better. Observe and realize all the fortune you have. I did it. I assure you that my situation was worse as it relates to my stbx and …
/r/Divorce_Men04/05/25 03:47 PM
2

Why would the kids choose her? Why would you think you cant find trust and love again? You can always make more money. You have the opportunity to not only help yourself but also other people who are more deserving than thos who might ditch you. Look beyond yourself and you will find a world of opportunity out there to be productive and make a difference. When you start believing this is a fresh start and you can go from zero to hero all on your own, you might start to see this as an opportunity
/r/Divorce_Men04/05/25 03:21 PM
4

How old are the kids? I ask because my pathological Liar X did the same. Multiple false cps, multiple false police and countless false orders of protections and violations. All proven and both judges aware. We are pending trial for the order of protection and i just dont give a dime. The kids know they were all lies now. The extended family does too. Her own family go through me to see the kids. She has been pinned into the corner and i am about to go infront of a domestic violence judge and ask…
/r/Divorce_Men04/05/25 01:37 PM
1

You move out. Sell the house with her in. Have proof that she refused to move during the sale. When it sells have proof of the captial gains. The difference in appreciation between when you became owner and when you sold it. Have proof that she caused a reduction in price by staying in it. Do ask a lawyer about this. If there are no kids involved, she will have to come after you. Be careful though, if she doesnt work she will get you for alimony potentially. Maybe take all your stuff that you ow…
/r/Divorce_Men04/05/25 12:56 PM
1

Remember the kids will do very well if they see improvement in YOU. And i perched myself atop a very tall and strong foundation. Having and knowing the truth is amazing
/r/Divorce_Men04/05/25 12:47 PM
1

If you cant leave to restart then youre stuck. If you can then ignore all the "dont leave your house" preachers. A stupid and worthless boiler plate advice that causes more harm than good especially when you have the means to restart. My advice is to do YOU for a while. Invest into another degree another business and another failure. It doesnt mean you will lose your kids. You can go 10 percent and come back years later for 50. There is no rush and if you need to you can stratigically drag it ou…
/r/Divorce_Men03/05/25 02:47 PM
1

Thats some turn around from a few months ago. You made my morning with your comment. Glad i saw it. I didnt see you here for a while and was wondering. Seems like you traveled a lightyear from when i first saw you here
/r/Divorce_Men03/05/25 02:37 PM
2

The thing that let me heal 3+ years after leaving a pathological liar and cheat, after countless false cps reports, false police complaints and umpteenth order of protection and violations, are my kids. Who finally understood what happen, why i left and why their mommys family go through me to see the kids. The truth set me free. I am still pending trial for all the lies and deceits. But the kids coming forward and letting me know what mommy and umpteenth boyfriend were doing and planning behind…
/r/Divorce_Men03/05/25 02:33 PM
9

Youre looking for a reason to erase her from your mind. And you cant because she wont comfirm she cheated. There is a different way. Confirm she has the intent to lie and has lied and then you know she cheated. My story is very much the same. The odd part is in her summer of "love", as she cheated with other men, ahe had sex with me almost daily. This is what got me thinking and i found the proof quickly. As it turns out, she was and remains and compulsive and pathological liar. Today 3+ years l…
/r/Divorce_Men03/05/25 12:15 PM
2

A lawyer is not like a doctor. You can not sue him for being wrong. A lawyer only makes money when your case becomes litigious. That means one of partners must get bad advice to escallate. And this happens every time especially to women. Only one needs to escallate in order for both to pay through the teeth. Same happen with me and same happen to countles others. I am still with the same lawyer because he understands i am no fool. I elaborated from the getgo that i will absolutely blame him for …
/r/Divorce_Men02/05/25 09:44 PM
4

That is not true. The worst you can do is listen to everything a lawyer says and never use your own reason and have a 2nd opinion and even a 3rd. Especially when it comes to lawyers.
/r/Divorce_Men02/05/25 09:18 PM
3

No its not and only a lawyer will tell you that. The best way for a lawyer to make money on you is for you to listen to everything he says.
/r/Divorce_Men02/05/25 09:16 PM
7

If divorce is certain then your separate lives should be NOW. Youre doing it wrong even though youre following your lawyers and everyone else advice. The worst advice i have seen is "dont leave the house". If you can leave and restart, then do so immediately assuming divorce is certain
/r/Divorce_Men02/05/25 11:32 AM
0

There is some truth to it. But youre right. Too many women traumatized by selfish men who are career liars.
/r/Divorce_Men02/05/25 01:43 AM
6

Just leave. Grind it out. Restart. The proccess is scary. The trauma for some is lasting. Depends on you. If you had lots of trauma, you will be find. If you were insulated all your life, you will have a harder time most likely. If she turns pathological and you have kids then it will be worse. In the end, you will recover if you grow big balls and they become heavy to carry.
/r/Divorce_Men02/05/25 01:42 AM
8

Youre wrong. Sex is worthless. Easy to find and easy to get. Trust is what youre missing
/r/Divorce_Men02/05/25 01:20 AM
9

How can you be hyper vigilant while she is in london? Thats not possible. I had a hard time piecing it all together with a tracker on my pathological liar of an X. Eventually all the puzzle pieces came together when her own family had enough of her and clued me in on the missing links. It took me years to finally answer all the questions i had but i did. What i confirmed is that simply she is a pathological liar. Btw all the same personality defects. Started loving the attentions, waxing shaving…
/r/Divorce_Men02/05/25 12:36 AM
-1

If you do, she will tell everyone youre a loefer. She would not be wrong. Having a pinis makes you different in every way. Personally i would be embarassed. I do understand that many men would not be. The fact that your thinking about asking her for alimony, already tells me that your personality is different than my own and youre not someone i would respect. Dont get me wrong. I want nothing more than to cut my pathological liar of an X off. I have had an opportunity to do just that many times.…
/r/Divorce_Men01/05/25 11:58 AM
2

The greatest feeling i have is how i went from roach motel hell to outing a pathological liar 3 years later and regaining everything i lost (my kids). I took nothing from her that was mine (yet) but man that feeling of going from zero to hero has been exilerating. Dont wait to long. Grind it out, suffer through it and within years you will look back on this moment with glory
/r/Divorce_Men30/04/25 02:52 AM
5

It can be much worse. I had to divorce a malignant pathological liar and cheat mom of my 3 kids. It didnt end 3+ years ago when i left her. Her path of destruction is alive and well. This court system continues to allow a known liar to do so with impunity. I have countless unfounded cps cases, multiple false police reports and umpteenth proved false order of protection and violations. All of these will eventually be scrubbed by the judges after all the lawyers have their fill. On the bright side…
/r/Divorce_Men27/04/25 12:24 PM
2

If you leave her now, she wont only get half of your stuff but half your "income" for a very long time
/r/Divorce_Men27/04/25 12:01 PM
2

It is because you chose to ride alone. You have to faile many times at rebuilding trust and a new relationship. The journey is a wild one. Not easy at all. If you can persevere, the reward is amazing when you finally settle (again).
/r/Divorce_Men22/04/25 02:03 PM
2

I know your feeling VERY WELL. You can erase her easily. By replacing the trust you lost. Unfortunately, getting over by getting under is the most common and quickest way of dealing with this.
/r/Divorce_Men22/04/25 02:02 PM
8

This doom and gloom mentality will linger for a long time if you let it. The trick to getting over fast is to get under fast. The kids are too little. You will just need to do your best. You will have to be very creative. My saving grace was finding a woman and blending my family. Best thing i ever did after discovering my X is a pathological liar and cheat. Be careful though. These types of women often end up lying well after. Today i have umpteenth false cps, police and order of protections. A…
/r/Divorce_Men21/04/25 12:36 PM
4

Find good people!
/r/Divorce_Men18/04/25 10:18 PM
3

You better grow a pair and quickly. Only bad things happen when youre scared. It sounds like she will be vindictive. Remember.... They are your kids. If they are old enough to reason, there is no way for her to keep them from you. The court may one day ask you to muzzle your words about court, custody and divorce. Think before you follow that. Why would they tell you to do that? The answer has nothing to do with the kids. Come back when you set in motion. Right now you are just in panic. You wil…
/r/Divorce_Men18/04/25 09:32 PM
6

Sounds like she did more than walk out on you
/r/Divorce_Men18/04/25 09:26 PM
1

I think the silver bullet my pathological liar and cheater fired is even bigger but thats in my past commente if you want to read. Here is the roadblock you face. Your kids are too young. My youngest now is 9 but mature like a teen. The biggest change in my life recently came with a realization. My kids are too old to have some agent of state chose custody. The system is a vampire long in the tooth. My kids now want to stay with me and feel guilty to say it out loud that their mommy is a monumen…
/r/Divorce_Men17/04/25 12:25 PM
1

Discovering my X and mother of 3 kids is a compulsive and pathological liar and cheat, did it for me.
/r/Divorce_Men16/04/25 11:50 AM
6

She is not just creating an illusion to strangers. She does it for the kids also. Youre missing something here.
/r/Divorce_Men16/04/25 11:44 AM
1

I missed the part about you still living with that. Another boiler plate advice given to men with looming divorce. its a terrible piece of advice for too many reasons. I think this was created by lawyers not for the benefit of the man but rather designed to milk you more and for longer. You will stay in that house god knows how long, while your lawyers have "talks". If these talks fail, you will have to move anyways. By then the talks have failed and you gave up valuable years of your life and c…
/r/Divorce_Men16/04/25 11:40 AM
2

So here is the thing that most people dont understand. Your kids at 10 and 12 have to decide whom they want to see and when (for the most part). I had to leave a pathological liar and cheat. Left my own home into roach motel hell at first. Saw my kids on a very limited basis and that destroyed me spiritually. For almost a year i doubted i would live to see tomorrow. 3+ years after filing we still dont have a custody agreement despite downing a combined near 100k on litigation. Over 3 years, this…
/r/Divorce_Men16/04/25 11:26 AM
2

That wont turn out well for your X. Good for you.
/r/Divorce_Men16/04/25 11:06 AM
7

Youre supposed to take care of you now, so that later you can take care of your kids. In a few months you can change your life around and you can give her a chance to change her self if you want to. If she refuses to change with you, then you will be ready for the next phase. Start change now. It will go quick if you really invest in YOU. Your kids will have to wait a short while. Once youre fully in control, then you can make changes
/r/Divorce_Men16/04/25 11:00 AM
4

The short answer is you can not unless you buy alot of time. 7+ years of time. Banks keep accounting records for 7 years. That means, even if you started your mission today, it would be effectively "hidden" if her lawyer did not run discovery for 7 years. Your issue is panic and it is going to halt your life and make it worse. Your other thread mentioned 70k? Thats a nothing burger in the grand scheme of things. Get your kid back, get your life together, change the parts of YOU that need changin…
/r/Divorce_Men16/04/25 10:54 AM
3

How low can you go? I bet i went lower. The real question is when will you snap out? I also know when. That can be summer up in just one sentence
/r/Divorce_Men16/04/25 10:30 AM
2

You can be ok if you get out there and look for trust/love. You have to find something else to focus on. Where do you start?
/r/Divorce_Men15/04/25 12:06 AM
2

Lucky you live in a normal state. In my state when 50/50 the moneyed spouse pays the non moneyed. In my case wife works part time and the state has a "status quo" mandate
/r/Divorce_Men14/04/25 08:53 PM
1

Dont ask questions. The less you ask the less expensive it will be. Youre entering a chess match where you are the pawn, the lawyer is the rook and the judge is king and court clerk queen. The trick here is to stay alive as a pawn. Otherwise your wifes lawyer (we can call him the song bird) will quickly part both of you from your money and at one point try to make you pay for her billable hours. My advice? DONT take this too seriously UNLESS there are VERY little kids involved or huge fortunes a…
/r/Divorce_Men14/04/25 12:53 PM
3

Youre stalking her. Thats why there is an order.
/r/Divorce_Men14/04/25 12:50 PM
1

Check your states code. In my state you are a tenant after a month. She cant really kick you out. Though if you go back she will likely get a restaining order. What about the 21yo?
/r/Divorce_Men14/04/25 12:55 AM
1

Why cant you got to your kids schools or meet them wherever? What exactly is blocking you from meeting them? Why cant you re- enter your home (besides the obviously crazy woman there). Your story is missing something. Nobody just willy nilly gets blocked from 2 grown kids without a restraining order?
/r/Divorce_Men14/04/25 12:31 AM
3

She is gone bro. Dont try anymore. Deal with the grief as quick as possible. If she changes her tune later, dont reconsider. She doesnt love you. If she did, she would not have moved on so quick. You have to find someone else to get over her. Doesnt have to be serious. Can be a fling.
/r/Divorce_Men13/04/25 10:43 PM
1

There is something missing here. How does a 13 yo and a 21yo allow this? And why would they listen? Look if you want advice just be forthright. Was there abuse? Did you have a mental breakdown or something in front of the kids? I ask because my pathological liar and narcisist tried something less drastic to block me certain hours. The kids were not having it. Even my 9 yo obliged to her face but then surupticiously unblocked me and they all ratted her out. What gives? What am i missing here? I a…
/r/Divorce_Men13/04/25 10:40 PM
1

Can you elaborate? How old are the kids? By what method is she keeping them from you?
/r/Divorce_Men13/04/25 10:22 PM
1

Lol Thats exactly what helped me also. All the advice in the world and caution not to date were all wrong. Getting out there when i was not ready and failing, paved the way to monumental success. Funny how that works
/r/Divorce_Men13/04/25 09:32 PM
2

I know this feeling exactly as you described. Trust me you will recover and regain access to kiddos. What you are feeling is very normal. Why dont you start by describing how it is that she blocked you from kids? This is not possible without restraining order unless they are infants. If your kids can talk and use a phone then there is nothing short of a restraining order that can block you. Today start by realizing you will need to get your mind right and on stable footing. As soon as that happe…
/r/Divorce_Men13/04/25 09:28 PM
8

The most pivotal moment in my 3+ year battle with a pathological liar and cheat, was when i realized the court system is a vampire long in the tooth and agents of state are never good for kids when the father is a good man, honest to a fault, provider and self controller. Your lawyer, the judge the court clerk circle jerk will try to bury you, if your X tries the silver bullet. You will have a choice. Cower and comply or grow a set of balls so big that your back hurts. This was a pivotal moment …
/r/Divorce_Men13/04/25 06:58 PM
1

As far as counseling? I tried it with numerous shrinks. Child lawyer always with her b.s. advice which i am happy to have ignored for the most part. Even my own sister with flawed advice half the time. After a while i realized that i am either going to regrow the set of balls i lost along the way, or i will cower to any afront. And the afronts have not subsided until the set of balls i grew became the gorilla in any room. She baits me with messages in the court app constantly. My reply always th…
/r/Divorce_Men13/04/25 06:41 PM
1

How are you going to get "there" if you feel youre not ready? When will you be ready? When your depression, panic and gloom gets better? I was a mess. Removed from my own kids and home (mostly my own decision and rightfully so). There wasnt a day that went by the first year where thoughts of being erased in my sleep did not occur. Somehow i managed to hold a job throgh this stage. I dated well before i was ready. Everyone told me i am nuts for trying. I failed miserably for a while in the aps an…
/r/Divorce_Men13/04/25 06:21 PM
1

I been there and done that. All mental health pros failed me. The only thing that helped me was advice from a friend with an elementary school education. "Find love and trust again". As soon as i tried it, i failed immediately but the failures all culminated in long term success. In my opinion, had i listened to any other advice, i would have failed long term. The best advice i received was the simplest and the path of least resistance as it turned out. Taking things in stride and not taking any…
/r/Divorce_Men13/04/25 05:28 PM
1

Why counseling? Why not find trust and love again? Its the fastest way to heal and very likely inevitable outcome anyways.
/r/Divorce_Men13/04/25 04:46 PM
4

I dont understant you spending 1k a month on a prius?
/r/Divorce_Men12/04/25 10:36 PM
1

You said you have a car that costs you 1k a month? It did i misread?
/r/Divorce_Men12/04/25 10:32 PM
5

Your car note is 1k a month? What? I have a good job that pays me real well with a side biz and properties delivering rent money. I dont struggle but due to the 40k yearly child support i have to watch my spending considering i have 5 kids under my roof more than half the time. I work a normal 7hr day. My car is 13 years old with over 200k miles on its last legs. I can easily take money out the bank and buy a brand new truck no fcks given but i dont. You want to know what the problem is besides …
/r/Divorce_Men12/04/25 09:21 PM
1

I pay 40k per year pretax for 3 kids. I left my own home after discovering she is a pathological liar and cheat. 3+ years later, i live in a rental half her size with 2 additional kids from my GF. My home still deeded to me for now which will eventually be hers. Her boytoy lives there scott free. Countless false police reports, orders and cps visits. I prove them all lies and proved her a pathological liar easily. Her entire family goes through me to see the kids because she is detestable and un…
/r/Divorce_Men10/04/25 12:05 PM
7

Why would they change the laws? How would lawyers and judges benefit if lying, cheating and the silver bullet method was outlawed in court motions? This wont change. Marriage rates falling like a rock will lead to new laws. Eventually even if you dont marry and just date, will be deemend common law. .
/r/Divorce_Men09/04/25 11:18 PM
13

Stop saying this stupid nonsense. I pay my wife 40k pretax per year while i work twice her hours and have the kids half the time. The money i give her is NOT spent on the kids. Most of it is spent on HER and her boyfriend and there is nothing i can do about it. Yes there may be women out there that do invest into the kids every penny of child support but the majority of them Do NOT.
/r/Divorce_Men09/04/25 11:16 PM
1

Maybe you can be specific and elaborate better? It sounds like youre living together still and you are just starting out. Be concise with your question.
/r/Divorce_Men09/04/25 11:13 PM
4

I found love again with 3 kids and added 2 more into my blended family
/r/Divorce_Men09/04/25 12:14 AM
3

I am kind of in the same boat with some exceptions. Ex kept a boat load of money and my house which she is eventually going to split with me one day when we settle. I had a rough start where my depression limited my time with my kids at first. Now 3 years later she fears i will take one more day and i will become their conservator and get child support from her. We live in a liberal state where child support is given to non moneyed spouse when kids are split 50/50. She would be the moneyed spous…
/r/Divorce_Men06/04/25 01:29 PM
7

Wtf did you remary again?
/r/Divorce_Men05/04/25 05:59 PM
3

I say this to my new lady daily. After years of her telling me that her feelings do matter, i finally was able to get her to understand the difference between facts and feelings not backed by facts. It cost money to prove this point though
/r/Divorce_Men05/04/25 05:58 PM
4

3 sounds like an alternative fact. There is no way single childless women are happier than ANYONE. Infact the few i know to be single and happy are lying. I dont believe them for a second. It controverts our genetic design. Dont get me wrong. Can a 40yo single woman without kids be happy.? Absolutely! But give it time and that will quicly change. Time reveals everything
/r/Divorce_Men05/04/25 05:42 PM
6

None of what you think will stay true. You will forget the good times. You will forget her and everything you had. As long as you find better. Start looking
/r/Divorce_Men03/04/25 12:04 PM
5

Damn bro thats genius. You just explained what the problem is for every man who cant understand his woman crazy emotion.
/r/Divorce_Men01/04/25 01:44 AM
6

I hate to state the obvious, but it sounds like youre doing everything right. That confidence thing is ellisive temporarily until you find it. You just have to look and try harder. Welcome to life. Its brutal. Even the well to do divorced father with the opportunity to start over, cant find his footing fully. Keep trying you will get it
/r/Divorce_Men01/04/25 01:35 AM
1

I repeat. If you have an issue with religion in general and god fearing people, then you are the one with a problem. The last worry on my mind is that my kids find god. Yes i have some exceptions and exclusions. Like if my daughter put on a burka and started converting to islam, that would be against my better judgement.
/r/Divorce_Men31/03/25 01:45 PM
0

Why does it bother you that she takes him to church? I am not religious. I am somewhere between god believing and atheist but have no interest in religion. I would be very happy if my kids found god. This sounds like a YOU problem
/r/Divorce_Men31/03/25 01:34 PM
0

I am not sure what youre upset about. You did not elaborate that part at all
/r/Divorce_Men30/03/25 11:12 PM
1

MArc twain once said "a man who never lies does not have to remember what he said". Keep that real close to your heart for a good life.
/r/Divorce_Men28/03/25 11:44 PM
1

Infidelity is irrelevant in court
/r/Divorce_Men28/03/25 01:27 PM
2

Falling in love and having a family is amazing. Getting maried is inviting the legal system into your life. If i had to do it all over again, i would not get married ever. Just have a fam and have a ceremony
/r/Divorce_Men28/03/25 01:13 PM
9

She is unlikely to change and she probably is wrong for you
/r/Divorce_Men28/03/25 01:09 PM
12

Dont sweat this too much. Its a fun proccess to relearn dating
/r/Divorce_Men25/03/25 12:55 AM
2

If you had this on video, you could go viral right quick. But you dont. ;(
/r/Divorce_Men24/03/25 09:11 PM
6

The first time i got laid after leaving my patholotical x wife, healed me! You can heal him in just a few minutes. Like a doctor!
/r/Divorce_Men24/03/25 09:06 PM
2

Income imputation is a trial process. Do you really want to go to trial over a year of maintenance? Its easy to ask, it just costs alot to get there. .
/r/Divorce_Men23/03/25 03:03 PM
1

You pay child support? If yes, you think anyone going to put you in jail? Who going to pay child support then? You have to understand this game of chess youre in. Youre not a criminal but the court will trear you like one so that youre scared and pay a lawyer to "help you". Never be intimidated. This is how you lose. You now have to find proof that she is a liar. Text messages from back then. Anything you can use to punch holes in her story. If you dont have that, its ok, the judge will just ext…
/r/Divorce_Men23/03/25 12:44 PM
3

Hey Eric I thought you regained access to kids? I am glad to see you are still posting and healing...
/r/Divorce_Men23/03/25 12:12 PM
1

I was driving my kids and got pulled over for rolling a stop. I pull over and the kids say and laugh at 'dad this time youre getting arrested". Instead of owning up i said to my self " thanks to your mom for that" and stayed silent
/r/Divorce_Men23/03/25 03:48 AM
3

These women are the worst. Run!
/r/Divorce_Men23/03/25 02:46 AM
6

Are you ok?
/r/Divorce_Men23/03/25 02:00 AM
7

You dont need to tell them how a man a should not act. Just show them how a man should. They will get it.
/r/Divorce_Men23/03/25 01:55 AM
12

I met the new guy a year ago. Within weeks he moved into what is still my house deeded to me. Within months i found out he was trashtalking me to the kids. Confronted the protein shake drinking mooch right to his face about it. He turns around calling the police and lying about illegal things in my home. Cops came and went multiple times on false reports. Then the orders of protections followed which too are being thrown out for lies and deceit. Recently the child lawyer told him to bounce. With…
/r/Divorce_Men23/03/25 01:50 AM
0

An interesting read. Here is what i got from this You hold alot of resent. To reall not give AF you will need to let it go and move on. However you sound stuck and not at all ready to leave. And you will have to leave sooner than later. I recommend you do it of your own volution and not listen to the "dont leave your home" crowd. One more thing. In your write up i dont see the monster in your wife. Frankly i dont understand what the beef is.
/r/Divorce_Men22/03/25 01:18 PM
7

They dont show remourse because lying has been normalized by the courts. Because through all the lies, they take more than half and are applauded with money, time, freedom. It is for this reason and many others, i believe the divorce courts are aiding the downfall of familial values. This is why the judges even write into their discussions "do not talk about court proceedings and matters to the kids". They do this so that we are scared of losing the kids and so that we never tell them about cour…
/r/Divorce_Men22/03/25 12:23 PM
1

They all have the same problem. They only make money when you lose money. And ALWAYS escallations are their bread and butter.
/r/Divorce_Men21/03/25 07:27 PM
2

Be careful listening to what your lawyer tells you. There are times when you will need to tell him "no you will do it like this". This is when you know you have a good lawyer. When you can prove them wrong and they stick by you knowing you make a shitty client and not a huge payday when you refuse to escallate.
/r/Divorce_Men21/03/25 03:45 PM
1

In most if not all states the moneyed spouse will pay a portion of the others legal defense. Dont fight it. If there is an income disparity you will be forced to pay that. In the end, if you can prove eggregious lies and deceit, you will have a pathway to bill her for the false escallations.
/r/Divorce_Men21/03/25 03:29 PM
2

If you could have left and started fresh, leaving your kids with your stbx, while you slummed it on roach motels for a year, battling panic and depression daily with limited access to kids, would you have? I did. It nearly cost me my sanity. I had alot of luck. I found a tonne of support. I would repeat it every time. I think most men who stay, end up regretting far too much later.
/r/Divorce_Men21/03/25 03:16 PM
2

Yeah i should have added that i (we) were and still are very well capitalized. Leaving my own home still deeded to me did not ruin me financially. I understand leaving your home may not be an option for every man. I meant to say that if it is an option, you should take it and promptly without delay. That delay will cost you and i dont mean finanancially. You are a good example. Had you left (assuming you were financially able to), you would not have to do any of these self protective measures. J…
/r/Divorce_Men21/03/25 03:09 PM
2

There are MANY downsides to leaving the house as a man. I have seen ALL of them. I knew all of them in advance of leaving. If you are living in a contentious and acrimonious home with your stbx, leave immediately assuming you know the divorce is certain. Do not stay. Thats a fact and anyone who says otherwise dont know what they hell they are saying
/r/Divorce_Men21/03/25 03:04 PM
0

I am aware. This is categorically terrible advice to give from a lawyer
/r/Divorce_Men21/03/25 02:19 PM
5

I am 3 years past leaving a pathological liar and cheat. 3 years later the lies and deceit is going strong and constant in court. I live in a blended home with too many kids and my gf of 3 years now. I have had infront of all kids here, 6 visits from cps all unfounded, 2 false police reports proven without merrit, and 5 sherriffs visits for an order of protection and violations, proven false and soon to be thrown out. She wont ever be punished for the lies and i wont ever reclaim the time and mo…
/r/Divorce_Men21/03/25 02:07 PM
-1

Thats really bad boiler plate advice. That is as much likely to kill him as it is to help him
/r/Divorce_Men21/03/25 01:56 PM
2

Dont escallate this. Write a brief cross motion to the court and forget it. Be honest. Hopefully there was no order issued that says you have to buy auto insurance. Even if there was, there is nothing they will do to you. If you pay child support, remember that its not in the courts best interest to destabilize YOU. Otherwise child support is paid by the state
/r/Divorce_Men21/03/25 01:43 PM
2

We live in a small 2 bedroom with a finished basement for 7 people (5 kids). The blending worked really well.
/r/Divorce_Men21/03/25 01:40 PM
1

That amputation thing you have to deal with separately. Thats entirely in your head. Nobody really gives a dime. They may want to know how and why. The StbX is a pathological liar and cheat. Years later we are still divorcing slowly and the lies are just growing in the evil aspect. Everyone knows but nobody can do anything about it so i carry on. Even the kids know now. I went through a rough start dating 3 years ago. I failed a few times then found success. New lady treats me like a king every …
/r/Divorce_Men19/03/25 07:01 PM
1

It depends on the kid. My 9yo for example is not having anyone make decisions for him. Neither do the older siblings. Generally if the child is old enough to impose an opinion then one of the two of the adults have to hold the court accountable to accept rhe childs opinion. Thats the way i did it when everyone kept saying "kids dont make decisions". Not only did i prove them wrong but i actively encourage the kids to make such decisions. It paid off big time
/r/Divorce_Men19/03/25 06:49 PM
1

You are at a fresh start buddy. What is blocking you from progress? Besides the whole depression thing. The road is wide open for you. The amputation is hardly a barrier. Not to sound incensetive but look at stephen hawking for inspiration. Thats what helped me. Ultimately with a support system (i found it) i was able to climb out of it and went from zero to hero rapidly
/r/Divorce_Men19/03/25 06:46 PM
1

I can relate with everything and worse, except the amputation. There is no advice to fix you. The only thing that can fix you is finding live and hope again. For that to happen you have to try and fail potentially. Same way i did it. Were kids involved?
/r/Divorce_Men19/03/25 06:18 PM
1

Are you Elons Musk? .
/r/Divorce_Men19/03/25 01:21 AM
2

You want this hanging over your head forever? Or you want a clean break? The next stage of your grief cycle is what you make it. I hope you make it a comeback story. Good luck!
/r/Divorce_Men19/03/25 12:53 AM
2

Nobody should ever propose. The trend statistically is not to also. The rate of marriage fell off a cliff in the last 40 years for good reason. The women are not the problem. The legal system is
/r/Divorce_Men19/03/25 12:48 AM
3

Your story similar to mine. I am going on 4 years with my new woman and she treats me right. Thanks to her i was able to get my kids 50/50. What a godsend
/r/Divorce_Men18/03/25 05:46 PM
-4

Thats because you have not met the right woman. They offer ALOT more than you know.
/r/Divorce_Men18/03/25 05:25 PM
8

3 years past leaving my own home from a pathological liar and countless afronts and lies over the years. My views of women improved. Particularly single moms who work full time with no support. I see these women as amazing. In contrast to my x wife obviously. As for whats changed? My view of marriage. Only a fool would propose today. There is no reason and no benefit to it. The concept of marriage is dead to me and should be dead to everyone else. Not because of god or morality. Just because mar…
/r/Divorce_Men18/03/25 05:24 PM
6

There is one risk here. The kids grow up thinking you are scum. You want to risk your reputation for leverage? If yes then you will have neither..
/r/Divorce_Men18/03/25 02:51 PM
27

She fucked him. Leave
/r/Divorce_Men18/03/25 12:18 PM
1

Those who sit on their ass and collect child support are not men. They are very low quality persons assuming they are able bodied
/r/Divorce_Men18/03/25 12:16 PM
3

My judge is very impartial man. I have never met him only his court clerk circle jerk in 2 years. My lawyers is excellent. A brilliant man who really knows how to play the game and knows everyone in court. He said to me at first "nobody gives a sheit about the lies, it only counts if you get to trial and cross examine her". That is how this game is played. Play chess well..
/r/Divorce_Men18/03/25 12:14 PM
4

Oh he knows. When i left my own home 3 years ago (she will own it eventually) i told him that i am going to be back when he least expects it. For now his wife thinks i am a nut and looks the other way when she sees me. I guess my stbx and him, sold her a bag of good to assuage her fears. I am a very impatient person. Impulsive frankly. But this was one of my finest achievements in terms of being patient. In my defense i did use this in my favor many times. Every time my stbx would start lying or…
/r/Divorce_Men17/03/25 09:15 PM
5

I am waiting until those kids are much older. They still play with my kids. I cant do it to them yet.
/r/Divorce_Men17/03/25 07:22 PM
3

Thats one way of looking at it.
/r/Divorce_Men17/03/25 06:52 PM
9

Same here. I waited a month before i finally had enough to confront her. 3 years after i left i finally told the kids after they told me that mom accused me of almost killing her and to ask her friend accross the street if they didnt believe her. That friend was one of her many affairs. A father married to a woman that is still her friend. I never told her. I should.
/r/Divorce_Men17/03/25 06:15 PM
8

Its in the best interest of the child to have 2x working parents when the custody is split evenly. IE. You work 50 hour weeks and enjoy kids 50% while your wife works 2-3 days per week and half your hours while getting full child support. How is this fair? The whole concept of "status quo" is unfair to MEN who are 99 out of 100 times the moneyed spouse. 99 out of 100 times it is the woman filing false allegations, false orders and false complaints. Its not the man. You saying this is disingenuou…
/r/Divorce_Men17/03/25 06:12 PM
7

Thats nucking futs. Your stay at home wife decides to lie cheat and steal, you file, and then youre on the hook for this woman forever? Even NY makes cali look insane
/r/Divorce_Men17/03/25 05:29 PM
6

Why do you have to pay maintenance for life? I dont get this part or reasoning
/r/Divorce_Men17/03/25 05:09 PM
1

If you live in the same house then yes its a problem. If you live separately and youre paying child support, there is no reason for anyone to escallate or hear this. Its the equivalent of you complaining she spends a full quarter of your child support on hair and nails and another quarter on fastfood. Really nobody cares. The judge will hear and disregard it so that both lawyers will get paid and no other reason. Remember that
/r/Divorce_Men17/03/25 04:49 PM
1

This is impossible to live like that. This is why you have no peace.
/r/Divorce_Men17/03/25 03:23 PM
1

You cant live there if the divorce is certain. The advice we get "dont leave the house" is the most flawed boiler plate advice one can receive
/r/Divorce_Men17/03/25 03:13 PM
1

I was certain after the cheating, pathological lying, tracking and hacking then stealing. That all transpired in a few months back in 2021. What a godsend this woman is. If she had left me in truth and decency, i would be still opining for her to come back. Thank you to all the lying women out there. You freed us!
/r/Divorce_Men17/03/25 03:07 PM
5

You go on, by moving on. By enjoying life and everything you have never experienced. Start now and you will wake up one day soon feeling amazing
/r/Divorce_Men17/03/25 03:04 PM
2

You just repeated my 3 year journey. Trust me it was best that i left.
/r/Divorce_Men16/03/25 02:48 AM
0

There is some truth to that. But you never have to do any of this crap if you move out. I repeat. If youre a man, with a job, able bodied and capable of finding a place to stay while you right your ship in a high conflict divorce, but you stay in that home, then YOU are the problem. This is categorically terrible boilerplate advice and more often than not a terrible advice to give anyone else that you dont know. What youre advising is a very bad idea and you should stop it. Once you move out you…
/r/Divorce_Men15/03/25 07:19 PM
0

The next step is an order of protection. Dont be there when that happens. Or you will be caught with your pants down. Leave now and stop listening to stupid advice. Stupid advice sounds like this "dont leave your house".
/r/Divorce_Men15/03/25 01:19 PM
4

I had cps in my home half dozen times. Police came twice on false reports. Sherriffs with a false order of protection 5 times. Our judge knows her to be a liar. So does her own lawyer. You are absolutely wrong if you think someone will give a dime about her lying. You are the crazy person for staying there. I moved into a roach motel gor 5 months at first. I left my own home still deeded to me. If i had stayed, i would be dead by now (self inflicted). The worst advice anyone ever gave you was "d…
/r/Divorce_Men15/03/25 01:13 PM
7

If you understand that your lawyer is not your friend and that his money depends on your desire to escallate, that is already a good start. Remember that youre not a criminal. These agents of state can not arrest you. You are likely the bread winner for your new family and your old.
/r/Divorce_Men15/03/25 12:36 PM
1

Pay for it. Okcupid took me from wishing to erase myself to hope, and now living the life again
/r/Divorce_Men12/03/25 09:07 PM
0

Ironically it was okcupid that worked for me. The other apps were terrible. FB dating is no good. If its free then avoid it. Pay for the app is my recommendation.
/r/Divorce_Men12/03/25 05:50 PM
2

Yes me. After years battling a pathological liar and cheat who escallated and lies with impunity, i finally got everything i told her i would. I sat on my hands for years. Never replied formally to the lies. Never called cps or authorities when i should have. Never got her charged with falsifying police and sherriffs reports. Few days ago i finally got my kids on equal overnight. Not through the courts. Just by her lies over the years. Everytime she gets caught by the kids in a big way, she lose…
/r/Divorce_Men12/03/25 12:56 PM
8

Sounds like youre the problem. Dont look at her tits. Not your concern anymore.
/r/Divorce_Men12/03/25 12:49 PM
1

A SAHM is not a job. Its a priviledge. Unless the child is too little for school or special needs, a SAHM is a lazy excuse for wife
/r/Divorce_Men12/03/25 12:36 PM
2

I am not sure if peace and stabilty can be synonymous with bpd. You can have it now but what happen before seems certain now
/r/Divorce_Men08/03/25 08:32 PM
10

I know 100% that if judges made the stay at home mom go work full time once kids are in school, the divorce rate would drop like a rock. Divorce is a money making business. All the talk of equally and for the kids sake, is a compulsive lie. These agents of state are after money only. The means for them to get the money, is to prolong the proccess.
/r/Divorce_Men08/03/25 12:16 AM
4

Do you think she will attempt to steer the kids against you? Can you afford to pay her near 2000 per month and still live well enough?
/r/Divorce_Men07/03/25 12:56 PM
8

At this age, you are not going to change her. You can only change how you react to her. If her accusations are not true, then you are not likely to prove her wrong otherwise. How old are you.? What is your relationship with kids if you get divorced?. Does she make good money?
/r/Divorce_Men07/03/25 09:24 AM
3

What can make you happy right now?
/r/Divorce_Men07/03/25 01:25 AM
2

This is right on. I agree with everything but he owes it to her to atleast be honest.
/r/Divorce_Men06/03/25 06:09 PM
2

I feel bad for your wife. The health problems if they are physical, will destroy her after you leave. If they are mental then it will destroy you if you stay. Youre kind of in a rough spot. Youre not a bad person for thinking this. But she wont forgive you either for a while. You have my respect for being honest with her. Ps... You sound a bit self centered also.
/r/Divorce_Men06/03/25 06:07 PM
1

Whats the custody split in terms of overnights?
/r/Divorce_Men06/03/25 04:22 PM
3

Having a court say that you working hundred hours per week is the same contribution as being a stay at home mom, and she can continue staying home as long as she wants,..... Is very different from having kids.... Youre generally right though...
/r/Divorce_Men06/03/25 04:22 PM
1

You dont have to. You can have a family without inking a deal with the government
/r/Divorce_Men06/03/25 02:46 PM
1

Is she a stay at home mom?
/r/Divorce_Men06/03/25 02:45 PM
-7

Yes you left her...
/r/Divorce_Men06/03/25 12:58 PM
2

I did too. It took 3 years to see the benefit of filing first
/r/Divorce_Men06/03/25 12:55 PM
6

My stbx pathological liar and cheat tried to convince me that i hurt her, that i scared her, that i scare the kids, that i am crazy, that i am some thug, she even told her affairs that i am a mobster, that i have illegal guns..... In the end she tried to convince the courts of the same, the false restraining order had the same. The new mooch who lives in my home also was convinced of the same to the point that he started trash talking me to my kids. Eventually they both tried at false police rep…
/r/Divorce_Men06/03/25 12:52 PM
1

I smelted mine in a crucible with other gold and made a rose gold mix. Then i flattened it on a press. Then in cut a pendant out of it all..
/r/Divorce_Men06/03/25 12:42 PM
1

Good get more under your belt. Never stop learning.
/r/Divorce_Men05/03/25 04:18 PM
1

Usually abandonment is related to children. Not too sure how you can abandon a mature adult
/r/Divorce_Men05/03/25 12:29 PM
3

She would possibly have an imputed income. Maybe 50k or something that she can make part time in a school. If youre lucky the judge will impute full time income. Then you would be on the hook for nearly half the differnce in your incomes potentially. That also depends on your cap in your state. You really need a lawyer who knows cali law or someone here who went though similar. As far as your cheater X. Move on quickly. Go see your buckett list. Go places. Find love again. Find hope. Live on the…
/r/Divorce_Men05/03/25 12:09 PM
2

In the usa, that inheritance money may be considered joint due to the money being "transmuted". Also 28 years marriage no job and no prospects would leave you paying alimony for 14 years atleast nearly half your salary. You would be fckd here. I dont know laws in india but here in america you would do very poorly
/r/Divorce_Men05/03/25 12:02 PM
1

You have kids?
/r/Divorce_Men05/03/25 11:58 AM
3

Have you considered investing in YOU? It sounds like you invested in your family for a long time. What investments can you make in you? For example, at age 37 i went back for my 2nd college degree in a totally new field. At 40 i graduated and went back again for a masters. I graduated that at 42 on the brink of mental collapse living in roach motels away from my kids more days than i could stand. It worked out really well and i am happy. I have success and a new blended family as i try to deal w…
/r/Divorce_Men05/03/25 11:56 AM
2

Youre mistaken if you think she carries weight. It is very likely their blended family will work well. You need to focus on your 50% of the time with your son. Dont stalk the boyfriend either. If he is a dad and a decent one, be prepared for your son to like him too. The only time you have the right to intervene is if they start alienating you. This happen to me recently and it backfired very badly with my kids. Ironically the best thing that happen for my relationship with the kids was the new …
/r/Divorce_Men05/03/25 11:47 AM
–

You owe to nobody to go out your way. Live it up a bit. Go and do the things you never considered. Your struggle will end the same way everyone else will. Before that end, what grand things will you experience? Certainly there is more than just hoping to reunite with your family one more time. You lost your best friend. Your kids will make their own best friends and forget you exist for weeks to months to years. You can live it up while you look forward to the next reunion. You dont have to be a…
/r/Divorce_Men05/03/25 11:40 AM
1

Why do you think you cant enjoy life without them at your side as often as they are now? You know you can right? Its rather easy. Just believe that you deserve it.
/r/Divorce_Men05/03/25 02:33 AM
1

They not going to arrest your for child support arrears most likely. Thats counterproductive for their mission to part you from your earned money. You need to earn more
/r/Divorce_Men05/03/25 02:27 AM
1

The best thing you can do now is invest in yourself. Your problem is a lack of opportunities for YOU. The real problem is you need to find better opportunities. That may require furthering your education or another self investment. Youre trapped in this box that you feel youre not able to break out of. What is stopping you? Lack of support? In order for you to meet these demands you need to make progress. How do you start?
/r/Divorce_Men05/03/25 02:26 AM
0

Youre wrong. I hope you find out soon. Trust and hope are the only things that will keep you afloat. Without that, we dont exist
/r/Divorce_Men04/03/25 10:09 PM
2

I dont understand this "i wont be screwed over again so i am not dating". Its an irrational feeling. You dont have to fall in love. And if you do, you dont have to get married.
/r/Divorce_Men04/03/25 09:13 PM
1

This will get escallated if you cant work it out. And the effects of strangers interviewing him may or may not affect him. Is it worth it over a day? I fought for a day also. But it was my kids decision
/r/Divorce_Men03/03/25 11:07 PM
-2

How often do you see your son? If the answer is nearly half the time, then why subject him to an evaluation? Is he safe with her? Does she perform basic functions? Does an eval really help him and help you achieve more time with him? If you have hom 50% of the time how does an eval help anyone? In general you are fighting an uphill battle for peanuts. I can see how 20k can be alot of money for many however you are litigating over peanuts. This is how this reads to me. Dont get me wrong. I am not…
/r/Divorce_Men03/03/25 10:31 PM
2

He is 3. There is a presumption that he is in a bed with one of his parents at bedtime. What you are asking for is an investigation to determine if your absence at nite is better than her lack of engagement during the day. For example if she is working daytime and otherwise not engaging after, may be less important than you being absent at night and more engaging during the day. It really depends and can be decided by a child psych or another agent of state. You have the money for this? Tens of …
/r/Divorce_Men03/03/25 10:16 PM
4

Your son is 3 and you work nights. How do you imagine you could get custody?
/r/Divorce_Men03/03/25 10:05 PM
2

It gets better because BPD is very hard to live with. You should live it up a little. Find a mentally stable woman and have some fun.
/r/Divorce_Men03/03/25 12:18 PM
1

Me too. The kids need a happy father. Y
/r/Divorce_Men02/03/25 10:21 PM
2

Recharging is nice but overrated. Get out there and make mistakes
/r/Divorce_Men02/03/25 10:07 PM
1

Then apply yourself to making money, a business, a future and glimmer of hope. You can do it. Invest in yourself and time will reveal your progress
/r/Divorce_Men02/03/25 03:30 PM
1

Dating
/r/Divorce_Men02/03/25 03:13 PM
1

Jesus i thought i had it bad with a pathological liar. I am going to count my blessings. I saw your post months ago. I thought you got past it
/r/Divorce_Men02/03/25 01:30 PM
6

Your title answers your question. The best and fastest way to get over a woman, is to get under another. Enjoy the path there with all its follies. You gave to change the way you react. You cant change your ex or most people. You mostly cannnot change yourself either. But you can change the way you react. How did I? I got out there. I dated. I found a new woman and best friend. We have an amazing blended family. I am happy i am not alone. Some people can not be alone. I am one of those people. T…
/r/Divorce_Men02/03/25 01:24 PM
1

There is not much you can do. She is a stay at home mom. Get a mediator if she is amicable. Do not escallate. Do not lawyer up. Once she lawyers up youre toast.
/r/Divorce_Men02/03/25 01:03 PM
1

Same story with me in many ways. She is telling you one thing and telling her lawyer something else clearly. Why do you think she will refuse your child support? Just because she said that to you, does not mean it is binding. Here is what you can do. If she took a paycut voluntarily, and you can prove it, then you have recourse. However if you still make a dollar more than her and she has 51% custody, you are still obligated to pay her the same nearly 1800$ per month. Your child support wont cha…
/r/Divorce_Men02/03/25 12:51 PM
1

You can not move with her. She will file restraining order. You have to right your ship. That may require you to a different part of the country. You cant be a broke dad post divorce. This farce of a system is set up for you to fail. You dont have to though. And the glorious feeling of one day returning, all set up and on point, is the best thing you can do for your kids, if you have exhausted your opportunity near them. I went back to college for yet another advanced degree during divorce. It i…
/r/Divorce_Men02/03/25 12:32 PM
1

I thought indians dont divorce much? It seems like you are venting. Youre not asking questions. Youre definitely healing but slowly. There is a faster way to heal which will end your ruminating
/r/Divorce_Men02/03/25 12:15 PM
1

My biggest impediment to my new life, was finding out all the lies and deceit and malignant actions still being executed years later. When i finally got all the truth, it didnt help me at all. I was surprised. I thought finding all the details of what she had done and continues to do, would bring me happyness. It disnt. Starting a new life and realizing that i can tell the truth just the same as she can lie with impunity.
/r/Divorce_Men01/03/25 12:48 PM
2

I only had good experience on okcupid. I am happy today because of it. In general, dating on apps in my 40s was horrific. I dont know how people do it after being lied and cheated on. I am glad i had success. The thought of being erased was daily the first year. The memory years later of being lied to and manipulated is still palpable even though i am happy and started an amazing new life and got my kids back half the time.
/r/Divorce_Men01/03/25 11:53 AM
0

You should have went your way! Why didnt you? Because some genius lawyer or redditor told you "dont leave your own house"?. If you have only daughters and no boys, you should prepare for a difficult road. They are likely to stick with mom. I was fortunate. I have 3 kids and only one of them is a girl. Their mom is a known pathological liar and malignant personality. She also trash talks me to my kids friends moms. The kids are aware of this. They made friends by my home. We have a great blended …
/r/Divorce_Men28/02/25 08:10 PM
1

You dont have to get married. You can love and live together without marriage. The end
/r/Divorce_Men28/02/25 01:13 AM
2

Filing first only helps when youre dealing with a pathological liar. Such is my case. She has tried to weaponize the system against me countless times with nothing but lies. Nobody stopped her but nobody believes her either. Even the kids see through the lies now. Took years to get here. I am still years from the end but i am living the life and she has to figure out how to lie better. Because she got caught lying countless times
/r/Divorce_Men28/02/25 01:09 AM
2

You have the reply of the year. Took me years to figure out my giant balls are causing my backache. I am not taking no more shit from agents of state. They allowed a malignant pathological liar to weaponize CPS, cops and sherriffs against me and my kids for years. They never stopped her. So now i will tell them the truth of it all. That they are powerless to do anything to me because my kids are now fully aware of whats what and who is who. It was like a light switch. I sat on my hands for years…
/r/Divorce_Men28/02/25 01:05 AM
5

I did reach that point. Been in your shoes. The lights came back on when i realized i have never feared anyone or anything and i still dont. Somehow i forgot that along the way when i lost access to my kids everyday. The tides turned when i realized my balls are way too big and thats why my back hurts sometimes. Its that simple. Live it up bro. Right your ship and the kids will flock to you more than her. Especially boys.
/r/Divorce_Men28/02/25 12:22 AM
2

Were you loayal? Honest? For better of worse? Then you were absolutely perfect! I am telling you these women are incentivised by this crooked system to divorce. They think they will get you for half the mariage term after divorce and find some other sucker to take care of them later. Sometimes it works this way. Usually these washed up broads wither away alone. Often never wondering how they got there.
/r/Divorce_Men27/02/25 02:04 AM
7

Sounds like she the one who needs to try...
/r/Divorce_Men27/02/25 12:26 AM
1

Thats nearly a certainty
/r/Divorce_Men25/02/25 04:50 AM
3

Dude just let it go. First the money, and then be happy you fckn got away 3 months not 20.years into it.
/r/Divorce_Men25/02/25 04:42 AM
-4

Yeah what a odd proclivity. That was my first thought. And last was that maybe the guy really is a prick and she too good for him.
/r/Divorce_Men25/02/25 03:18 AM
10

3 years ago when i felt this way, i went out and got laid. Alot of silly people here will downvote me. Likely the same people who always advocate to "lawyer up now, dont leave the house ever, dont date, give yourself time bla bla bla".. In all honesty, there are millions of men who get over their X by finding a new woman. You are likely one of these men. Go and try to get laid. Leave your dirty laundry at home though. Dont start with being emotional. It will be anticlimactic to your next lay
/r/Divorce_Men24/02/25 07:48 PM
2

Drug dealing pimp? I didnt know they made pimps who dont deal. ;)
/r/Divorce_Men24/02/25 07:25 PM
1

If you find your future quickly you might escape finding our where you fled from
/r/Divorce_Men24/02/25 01:02 AM
2

Yes i did. I found a new woman who inspired me to do stuff. You have to get over your past to enjoy the present and plan for future.
/r/Divorce_Men23/02/25 08:24 PM
2

Hey i also had my bout with mental and spiritual depression and thoughts of erasing myself. All my life dealing with severe strife despite having 2 performing parents still. Violence and prejudice learned at a very young age for many years. Countless fights and bloody conflicts. Nothing destroyed me like the loss of access to my kids (mostly self imposed but also cast upon me by a pathological liar soon to be X wife). I am no stranger to what youre feeling. It took me 3 years to go from zero to …
/r/Divorce_Men23/02/25 06:36 PM
2

Excellent! Dont stop college after you graduate. This is the american dream. Go and grind it out as a barber. Maybe back that up with a bachelor in business. Go for mani pedi license also. Good for you. In a few years when the kids are older and you have a nice stable home, you can attack in court again. You have time. Your child is 3. You have years before you are judged as a no show. Go and right your ship now and secure your parental rights when you are ready and can afford it. The feeling is…
/r/Divorce_Men23/02/25 05:34 PM
2

You have to wait until your kid is interested. My youngest at age 9 is in the know. He doesnt know everything just the basics. He knows mommy lies often to the courts (he sees it and witnesses it as do the other kids). You dont need to spill the beans ever if you are good coparents. If mom is not a liar and not malignant then you really dont need to discuss anything beyond a few sentences.
/r/Divorce_Men23/02/25 05:31 PM
9

Youre working a dead end job at a gas station. Get back to school. Find a career path you will love. Study your ass off. Settle without her knowing that you intend to become a scholar and have a real career and a bright future. Dont wait. Dont ruminate. Go back to college. I did in my late 30s for my 2nd bachelors. Then i went back for my masters. You can definitely do it. Get your mind off the gloom of not seeing your kids. Once you come out a hero with a renewed outlook, the kids will be older…
/r/Divorce_Men23/02/25 05:27 PM
4

I know the feeling. My stbx also admitted to an "emotional affair". A few months later i found out she is a full blown pathlogical liar and frequented many hotels with various men that summer. I found out because i needed answers. I was like you before i got my answers. Cant sleep, cant eat, cant think rationally, barely can work, uncontrolled bouts of panic and severe depression. Now 3 years later she is widely known as a malignant liar and the courts allow her to operate with impunity because …
/r/Divorce_Men23/02/25 03:41 PM
1

This is going to end in her getting a restraining order against YOU. Run dont look back. This is over. You have a chance at a good life.
/r/Divorce_Men23/02/25 02:23 PM
1

Wait until she has a job
/r/Divorce_Men23/02/25 02:20 PM
-7

You will regret kicking her out. You will regret trying also. Dont get cameras. Dont get lawyered up. Take time to cool off and come back. Nothing happen but a word (divorce) trigering you. Cooler heads prevail. If you do get a divorce you may have to play the court clerk circle jerk. Just take it easy. Go fishing or something to cool off.
/r/Divorce_Men23/02/25 02:21 AM
10

Were you in your underwear eating chips with your buddies? Boxers or tidy whities?
/r/Divorce_Men23/02/25 02:18 AM
1

Tell the kids how much and where. Explain that its their money and is now being managed by mom.
/r/Divorce_Men22/02/25 03:21 PM
11

My wife of 11 years and friend of over 20, mother of 3, turned out to be a pathological liar and cheat.
/r/Divorce_Men22/02/25 03:08 PM
2

You can assume youre in for a third of your marital term. The longer you wait the more likely you will need to pay for 50% of your terms. You will also be able to impute income if it is easy to show that she can make more. Youre better off to throw money at her instead of throwing it at lawyers. Youre going to spend atleast 25k in contested divorce and possibly pay a 3rd of her lawyers fee. Throw that at her and see if she will walk away for that sum. Obviously i am guestimating here. Could be l…
/r/Divorce_Men22/02/25 12:45 AM
2

That is what i used to think for years. In reality, when one parent is a pathological liar and weaponized the system against the other parent, is a malignant and vicious person who does cruel things while pretending to be a victim, it all needs to be called out. I dont understand the people (men) who play by these rules set by a system driven by profit. If your wife is a pathological liar and is a malignant human, and you say nothing of it, then prepare for your kids to assimilate this character…
/r/Divorce_Men21/02/25 12:56 PM
2

You dont have to say a bad word. Why is being honest and bad conflated here? Lying with impunity is ok but telling the truth is bad?
/r/Divorce_Men21/02/25 04:10 AM
6

Dude you are forgetting something? The kids are growing. At 11 and 14 they are old enough to hear the truth. Are you seriously asking if you can tell your kids the truth? You been through court clerk circle jerk for a while now. Have you found any proof that the courts and lawyers place your kids as a priority? Youre what now 25k in and no result? You still think you need to follow the courts mandates? You havent realized it yet have you? How do the courts make money if youre not scared of losin…
/r/Divorce_Men21/02/25 03:29 AM
5

One of my fav quotes is "the love you give away is the only love you keep". I hope you understand that feeling. The anger and resent youre feeling will eat you alive if you let it. I guess youre venting. The anger you feel is not healthy for YOU.
/r/Divorce_Men21/02/25 03:14 AM
1

You think you going to surprise her and walk away with your strategy in hand ready to play out? Here is an alternative if she doesnt sit down and just go along with it. Considering she already cheated, its likely she would rather hang you out to dry than make amends and repent. As soon as she lawyers up and that shark realizes you have good income and some assetts, he will sing her a song she will love to listen to. This is when you go from "i have the right of way" to "how is she so cruel after…
/r/Divorce_Men21/02/25 01:54 AM
1

Not at all what i meant. I have no such desire. I got out there and met a few. I got lucky quickly. We are adults. We can go and meet women even in a weakened state. I dont like alot of advice here. This "give yourself time to date" advice has some merit but the benefits of ignoring this outweight the benefits potentially. Same as the "dont leave your house" advice. Terrible boiler plate advice. I never understood people who say this. Not saying anything at all is safer advice.
/r/Divorce_Men21/02/25 01:42 AM
1

I dont know man. This is some advice for the weak kneed. Youre too old for this advice if you were married and had kids.
/r/Divorce_Men20/02/25 11:14 PM
1

How much do these represent in terms of %? Is 100k from retirement 10%? Is 100k from the home 10% of what their vested interest is? What you presented here sounds like he is doing really well. Has millions in assetts and equity. If infact he has millions in assetts and equity then yes that sounds fair. If he has like 300k in a 401k and they have 300k in equity (keep 300k after the sale of house) then this doesnt make sense. Most of that 401k money was likely made before marriage. She did not add…
/r/Divorce_Men20/02/25 09:11 PM
3

If she makes more money, and you get to keep 50% of the kids then she is on the hook for child support in many states depending on what the spread is. As far as my thoughts? I think that sounds very reasonable but before you move out, you should get a very fast contract outlining exactly that. I usually advocate to just get out when contempt is building and it sounds like there will be acrimony involved. You should do everything in your power to speed this up and leave forever assuming you are c…
/r/Divorce_Men20/02/25 08:40 PM
1

And men are not workhorses made for women to piggy back on but both famale objects and men who subsidize them, are real. Whats your point?
/r/Divorce_Men20/02/25 08:35 PM
1

Huh? What women? What way? That vague reppy is so informative
/r/Divorce_Men20/02/25 07:53 PM
1

I am not into one night stands either. FAFO with herpes is no bueno. People can be really screwed up especially on something. I dont find dating easy either but man i really like to lay the pipe too
/r/Divorce_Men20/02/25 04:35 AM
6

If 2 people can hate and stay with each other then certainly 2 people can divorce and remary and find wild success
/r/Divorce_Men20/02/25 04:32 AM
3

Its called a dating website. Try ok cupid. I had the best divorce support there from the best women. I wasnt ready for it. Everyone was right when they said i should have waited to date. Had i waited i would have recovered out of a severe depression naturally over time into the grave. I never understood this crazy advice. "Youre sad and depressed, you better not go have fun, make a connection, get your nut off. Suffer through it alone and find a stanger who bills 200 hourly to talk to". Idiotic …
/r/Divorce_Men20/02/25 12:39 AM
2

After i realize that the courts are basically powerless with my kids that are tweens and teens, i realized i dont have to deal with these strangers. Having this realization battling a pathological liar and cheat in court, allowed me to find my life again. Being able to tell anyone who bills me for judging me and my relationship with my kids: "who are you and what authority do you have over deciding who my kids love and want to spend time with" is a life saving ability. I know some men have very …
/r/Divorce_Men20/02/25 12:32 AM
1

In GA a wedding present is not communal propoerty? Seriously?
/r/Divorce_Men19/02/25 10:34 PM
5

You are not in a good position. If you stay with her, youre on the hook for maintenance if she dont get a job when kids age out. so she will need to get a job. If you leave her, youre not likely to get more than 50% of the kids and that means you pay her full child support and maintenance while she takes care of the little ones. Send her back to school? Get a degree then a job? This is why its important not to mary a jobless woman for the man especially.
/r/Divorce_Men19/02/25 10:32 PM
1

I burried myself in new woman. That worked amazing! But i always picked the easy way out. She in turn burried me in all sorts of fun and activities that i always enjoyed and my stbx didnt. I rediscovered my youth. The kids followed me shortly after. I climbed out of hell and into paradise. I still live in a roach motel, now with a large blended family but man divorce worked out really well despite a very rough start where i wanted to be erased from this planet for about the first year.
/r/Divorce_Men19/02/25 12:59 PM
3

The right woman is out there for you. I found a single mom and the blended family we have is part of the reason why i got my kids back. Its impossible to do it on your own especially with young kids. Keep trying to find the right people and happyness
/r/Divorce_Men19/02/25 10:29 AM
2

Thats awesome
/r/Divorce_Men19/02/25 04:41 AM
2

Youre not likely to succeed without a lawyer if she is not fully accepting of 50/50. As soon as she lawyere up, that grimey prick will sing her a song to rid you of your money, fully knowing he wont ever get more than 50%. It only takes one person to escallate for both
/r/Divorce_Men18/02/25 09:09 PM
7

She stopped loving you. Find someone to love you again. Its over...
/r/Divorce_Men18/02/25 01:31 PM
3

You master yoda sounding sensei. I like that alot. Unfortunately i didnt read this when i wanted to erase myself 3 years ago. I am living the life now but that is because this beech is such a malignant liar that her sick deeds cause me laughter not angst. The trauma and nasty deeds took me so far into the negative, i had to grow a set of balls that need a cart to roll around in. What didnt kill me made me very strong. I am now training to be a vegan but i have better luck with loving the vagin.
/r/Divorce_Men18/02/25 01:05 PM
2

My X is a malignant and pathological liar. Still today 3 years later. I threw our marriage cert into the garbage. I smelter my gold wedding band and made a chain hung pendant out of it. I started dating and went out with a "bang". Unfortunatley i did not proccess the self imposed loss of kids well. Took me a few years and alot of luck to claw them back 50%. I processed the loss of my wife well because i found another woman who treats me like royalty. I never got this before so i am on cloud 9. T…
/r/Divorce_Men18/02/25 12:58 PM
2

You should move on. Whats stopping you?
/r/Divorce_Men18/02/25 12:47 PM
2

Your off the hook man. Go and celebrate. At most she will get you for no more than half the marriage term. Get your banl statements saved and all relevant records showing flow of money. You wont need it nor show it to any judge if youre smart. You would be smart to know her sharl lawyer is singing her a different tune. You may even be forced to pay a portion of her lawyer. So be smart and settle quickly without escallations
/r/Divorce_Men17/02/25 04:47 PM
2

Yes sorry i got that. It was sarcasm. You know if you split youre unlikely to see those kids. Even if you do, its likely temporary. You have a clean break here. Not sure what your concerned about
/r/Divorce_Men17/02/25 04:44 PM
1

No you only do that when you have young kids there. For them.... You need to end your business with her unless your plan is to reconsile. If reconsiling is not the plan then get out of business with her
/r/Divorce_Men17/02/25 04:13 PM
1

How do you have 50% of her kids then?
/r/Divorce_Men17/02/25 02:42 PM
1

This is a mess. The 1.5 mil you plan on getting in 4 years sounds like your prized assett? When was this offered to you? Before the marriage or after? If it was after marriage, you will need to prove what you did to earn this assett. Start by laying out your assetts and when they were realized, earned and then aquired. Its hard to read above. In order from highest worth to lowest. Provide times and dates. Also all the money she saved during your marriage belongs half to you. Any investments you …
/r/Divorce_Men17/02/25 02:02 PM
3

Oh i see. Ok youre off the hook if you want to be. Your few year old marriage will ammount to support at most a year. Then your free. Dont escallate in court. It wont turn out well considering youre barely on the hook. Dont make an elephant out of a fly
/r/Divorce_Men17/02/25 01:54 PM
4

Mark Twains quote not only got me here but has been a guide on how to out a liar. Even my kids know how to use it now. "A man who never lies, doesnt have to remember what he said". These words fixed my life. Unfortunately learned the inverse of these words before i heard the quote.
/r/Divorce_Men17/02/25 01:53 PM
1

You will spend more on lawyers. Unless you own property together, dont count your dollars. Forget all that. Forget these claims until she tells you hers. She will want half of your 401k and any other real assett. This is when the judge does math. Sinse it sounds like you were married briefly your obligation will be brief too. Dont feed the lawyers. Just leave the dollars on the table and play that card near the end when you know what youre in for. And even then let it go if your talking tens of …
/r/Divorce_Men17/02/25 01:36 PM
2

I couldnt take it being alone. The loss of my family crushed me. The self imposed loss of my kids nearly ruined my mind. I left a pathological and now malignant liar. The stuff this woman does to people should be criminal but because it happens surupticiously and in divorce court, its allowed for the sake of escallating into lawyer pocketts. I couldnt handle being alone. I started dating and almost gave that up. I found my new woman and the world she showed me, was mine all along. Its exactly wh…
/r/Divorce_Men17/02/25 01:30 PM
5

I was there. I started off 3 years ago with limited access to kids. It was self imposed after i left my pathological liar and cheat malignant x. Little by little i made improvements. Got involved with a single mom who showed me what a real woman is and what a developed brain and culture feels like. 3 years later our blendes family is working and through the years i clawed back my 50% of my kids against all odds and against the courts demands to copoarent better, not to unilaterally take the kids…
/r/Divorce_Men17/02/25 01:20 PM
4

Hey delayed anger. I am a little confused. It seems like you got custody
/r/Divorce_Men17/02/25 01:07 PM
1

Hey delayed anger. I am a little confused. It seems like you got custody?
/r/Divorce_Men17/02/25 01:07 PM
2

I did and still am dealing with it. I sat on the truth for years. That mommy is a pathological liar and cheat. It all came to a head last august during a most volatile and revealing road trip. My large blended family was attempted to be run off the road by some nut with stolen plates and car. The kids started talking. After they revealed what mommy and her now boytoy who lives with them in my house was saying, i blew up. I revealed a glimpse. Over the next umpteenth false police report and order…
/r/Divorce_Men17/02/25 05:12 AM
1

The courts will look at numerous years of earnings.
/r/Divorce_Men17/02/25 02:18 AM
1

You can hold a maturing interest in the property. With a maturity date. This is something a mediator can help design. If you have no kids then this is straight forward. If she doesnt work then you will have to throw money at her. If she does work and makes nearly what you do, then you really can split evenly without offering any concessions. If she wants the house so bad then get it appraised and split your equity with her buying you out. Having no kids makes this very easy
/r/Divorce_Men17/02/25 12:52 AM
1

Offer her to leave all the stuff there. Get an appraisal. Give her 50k off the top. Then split everything else down the middle. Child support as per state calculator. The 50k off the top will help avoid escallations that you dont want. She has to pay all the carried costs associated with the house. Something like this. It will not work out for you especially if there are small kids. Avoid escallation and throw some money at her for a clean break. Try mediation. Avoid lawyers to avoid escallation…
/r/Divorce_Men16/02/25 11:48 PM
5

By the sound of it, it dont look like there is much assetts and equity. Give her 50% and sell the house. Or leave her the house, sign that she removes your name from deed and mortgage and that your not responsible for the house, the bills, and upkeep. If you have less than 100k on the line and she talks to a lawyer who will inevitably sing a malignant song into her ear (its the only way these divorce sharks make money) then you will spend more in court than your negotiating over now. If your ass…
/r/Divorce_Men16/02/25 08:07 PM
1

A cautionary tale from me. I too am still married to my future stbx. She too had all the same qualities i believed in. Similar dymamic you described in many ways. It wasnt until i realized she is a pathological and malignant liar / narcisist, that i finally was able to detail my life with her. 3 years ago i would have told anyone she is a saint and i am to blame for many issues. Today i assure you that my mind was clouded and what i thought was a saint, in reality was a hard cold calculated mani…
/r/Divorce_Men16/02/25 08:00 PM
2

I got together with a single mom who works her ass off. While i pay the bulk of the household expenses as she works a job making half my wages, she absolutely aids in our homes financial well being. If i were alone, sure i would have less on my shoulders potentially. But in the grand scheme of things, not only is my financial obligation reduced slightly but also my mood akd aspirations are greatly elevated. My new blended family has been great despite the roadblocks. Definitely dont get together…
/r/Divorce_Men16/02/25 07:51 PM
9

This is a terrible idea. Wait until she moves a random dude into your home. Dont do business with your x. You already tried that. You signed a judicial form binding you to support her when she dont want to work potentially. Dont do it again. Get out of all business with your stbx unless you know for certain you will remain amicable and she is honest and will remain that way.
/r/Divorce_Men16/02/25 07:40 PM
2

My wife also tried to convince me that the guys she been sucking off were just friends. I found my proof quickly. Before i learned the quote "a person who does not lie, does not have to remember what he said", i knew how to use it. It took a few months to get all the truth. Luckily i wasnt the only one she was lying to and finding all the puzzle pieces was easy work. When i knew without a doubt that she is a manipulative liar, i left her cold turkey as i did my 3 little kids at the time preteens…
/r/Divorce_Men16/02/25 02:23 PM
2

That will happen when you listen to "dont leave your house". Had i stayed 3 years ago, i would still be sourcing organic salad ingridients for her. It is the worst advice EVER when given without context
/r/Divorce_Men16/02/25 02:10 PM
10

I have multiple unfounded cps reports, multiple proven false police complaints. Five sherriffs complaints for an order of protection all proven false. One of them even proved an attempt to frame me. The judge in divorce court already asked her to withdraw. Instead her lawyer tried to blackmail me saying "sign the custody agreement and we will withdraw. I laughed at him outside the DV judges chambers almost hysterically. Some people here above tried to rationalize womens behavior with survival, e…
/r/Divorce_Men16/02/25 01:42 PM
1

Someone didnt have to deal with a patholohical liar....
/r/Divorce_Men16/02/25 01:31 PM
3

All good things come to an end. Your daughter needs to understand this too in the least intrusive way you can explain it. Give it time. See how it plays out. Your job is much simpler. You just have to be her Dad. No posturing required
/r/Divorce_Men15/02/25 09:02 PM
2

She is old enough to understand right from wrong but not yet ready to understand posturing in all its glory. Your x is posturing. If her new relationship fails, it will adversely affect your daughter far into the future. That man should not get this close to your 8yo daughter especially with you in the picture. I have 2 additional kids. Their daddy is not in the picture and is a gross failure. I never speak of him. Despite having my opinion i keep it to myself. And if he chose to show up to thei…
/r/Divorce_Men15/02/25 02:47 PM
5

I went through the same thing with my kids who are older in their tweens and teens. The mom moved in some boytoy within weeks of meeting him into my house which is still deeded to me.
/r/Divorce_Men15/02/25 02:36 PM
1

Youre hurting because you have hate, anger and resent in you. These feelings fester and become malignant (to you mostly). You can forgive people without them ever knowing you did. You dont have to forget but forgiveness is key to your happyness.
/r/Divorce_Men15/02/25 02:28 PM
3

Alot of people are judging you here because few of them had to divorce a liar that wont stop lying ever
/r/Divorce_Men15/02/25 01:40 PM
1

You are forgetting that there are women out there that are pathologocal liars and cheats who are intent in this exact thing. I am in this exact situation. It got so bad that her family goes through me to see the kids as she moved some stranger boytoy into my home and the kids hate him. The court knows her to be a liar as she is allowed with impunity to weaponize the system against me and the kids best interests with countless false reports and complaints which i prove a lie everytime. Fortunatel…
/r/Divorce_Men15/02/25 01:39 PM
4

Woe thats actually my story lol. Except the lowlife she moven into my house weeks after meeting him is actually a compulsive liar and she is pathological. I dont coparent nor talk to her at all but i know who he is and so do my kids. I am just waiting for the right time to take custody
/r/Divorce_Men15/02/25 01:14 PM
1

2 weeks is a stint. Whats keeping you from moving upward?
/r/Divorce_Men15/02/25 03:35 AM
9

That sounds exactly like what the kindest asshole would say!
/r/Divorce_Men15/02/25 02:18 AM
7

I remember going from leaving a pathalogical liar to finding a total stranger who was into me. I wasnt as much back due to a cultural barier. Then it happen again and the 2nd time the sparks flew. And now 3 years later we have an awesome blended family and i got my kids back despite the courts and lawyer setting up everything against me and traps along the way set up by a malignant woman who weaponized the system sith constant lies. Took me years to finally out her but i sleep like a rock. That …
/r/Divorce_Men15/02/25 01:44 AM
1

How long were you institutionalized?
/r/Divorce_Men15/02/25 01:01 AM
2

I felt this too but i blamed myself luckily at first. As time went on, i realized that it was the pathological liar that i had to leave with my kids that did all of it. My solution was to forgive her and blame her father, who still gives her malicious advice. I fooled myself to even forgive the false police reports and false orders. I had to for the kids. It all got better when i started taking this all less serious. The court clerk circle jerk, the constant lies, the bad and the good of which t…
/r/Divorce_Men15/02/25 01:00 AM
1

What do you resent the most?
/r/Divorce_Men15/02/25 12:14 AM
2

Who are you talking about "them"? What hurt you the most? How much was lies?
/r/Divorce_Men15/02/25 12:01 AM
3

Wow thats thats the most masculine poetry i have read. Strong !
/r/Divorce_Men15/02/25 12:00 AM
3

Also known as the "court clerk circle jerk"
/r/Divorce_Men14/02/25 07:27 PM
7

My fav quote and most influential in my dealing with a pathological liar is "a man who does not lie, does not have to remember what he said". This quote got me to the truth nearly 100% of the way.
/r/Divorce_Men14/02/25 07:26 PM
1

You know that youre not likely to change her? You would have much better success rate at changing the way you react to her. Also you can and you will find happyness without her. You have to want it. Being scared of drastic changes will always hold you back. She doesnt give a dime about you or anyone else. She did this with HER self as the #1 priority. Remember that
/r/Divorce_Men14/02/25 06:07 PM
1

Youre employer therapist is confidential. You can sue their pants of if they reveal your case to anyone. Assuming the private info is not relevent in a crime, it is to be held sealed. Even in a crime it would be incredibly difficult to get the info and use it in court
/r/Divorce_Men14/02/25 12:13 PM
2

Your desire to hurt yourself today and recovering from that soon, can NOT be used against you in custody hearings or court. That would not be heard by a judge for far too many reasons. It can only be used against you if you remain "unstable" and even then on a VERY limited basis with nearly all details obscured. Move on from this thought. This is irrelevant assuming you recover and NOT attempt self harm. Tell the world. Broadcast it on the news if you want. No judge will hear the fact that you w…
/r/Divorce_Men14/02/25 12:10 PM
3

How is your health now? No kids? 3 years ago i considered erasing myself while i was at the bottom. I am lucky to have forced myself to find a new woman. That in turn helped to take me out of my depression. As my mind got better, my kids came around more often. Now i am in a position to take custody. My blender family is my foundation. We all live in substandard conditions still but i am working on rebuilding my home 2.0. You have to also. Youre a bit young to retire. You have to stop opining fo…
/r/Divorce_Men14/02/25 12:00 PM
2

You dont have to tell them you are gay any more than i have to tell mine that their mom is a pathological liar and cheat. I dont have to tell them i am straighter than a spaghetti either. This is a YOU matter. Its up to you to either keep it a secret or not and up to you to tell them when you ready. My father is Bi i suspect. He never told me. My mom who desired to blow up his spot to everyone is now being judged for it. My father is not. You are entitled to keep your sex life in your bedroom sa…
/r/Divorce_Men14/02/25 11:51 AM
4

If she dont work, they will likely make you pay for her lawyer in part or in full. The only way to avoid it is to rep yourself but thats not guaranteed. The court wants her to be able to afford representation. If you cant afford your own lawyer, the judge will need to reconsider making you pay for hers
/r/Divorce_Men14/02/25 02:49 AM
–

I rep my self in DV court. I really dont care if that judge finds me guilty. Everyone knows her to be a pathological liar. Irrelevant if the judge just wants to protect her self. She dont know me. I get it.
/r/Divorce_Men13/02/25 07:18 PM
3

You can expect the court clerk circle jerk for years. If you have kids even longer. Welcome to this cleverly designed chess game to part you from your money. If you believe you are going to win something, then you make the perfect pawn. Play smart bro
/r/Divorce_Men13/02/25 01:18 PM
3

Yes i felt the same on all the apps. Then i tried ok cupid and insta success. I almost gave up. Ok cupid fixed my life no joke
/r/Divorce_Men13/02/25 12:40 PM
1

You are already a hero then. You just dont know it. Once the kids come around, come back and ask to stay with you more, because the loefer new boyfriend is an abject incompetent moron, you will go to sleep knowing she lost gold and you found a diamond (hopefully). Too many men dont land on their feet because they dont leave right away and of their own volusion. The prominent advice here "dont leave your house" is usually wrong ironically
/r/Divorce_Men13/02/25 12:08 PM
5

Me thinking i could fix a compulsive and pathological liar. Me realizing how stupid i was and leaving promptly my own home. Me realizing where i am the first time i crossed into my future roach motel. Me losing access to my kids, which was self imposed while i was recovering from the depression and fall from grace. When i found out all the lies and circumstances surrounding the lies, did not make me feel any better. When 2/3 of my kids ditched me for better times and conditions. When did it get …
/r/Divorce_Men13/02/25 03:27 AM
1

I am almost at the finish line agains the fake claims and reports.
/r/Divorce_Men13/02/25 03:11 AM
6

Hello my twin. I also left around that same time after i discovered my stbx is a malignant and pathological liar and cheat. My life is great now inspite of constant afronts, lies, false reports, false police and orders. That first year having limited access to kids nearly did me in. 3 years later i am a rock. Nothing phases me. What didnt kill you made you stronger.
/r/Divorce_Men12/02/25 10:13 PM
1

You can say "look honey i am all down for doing it without lawyers, but i will request a formal discovery, and if i find out you lied anywhere, i will make sure to let the judge know". Make sure you request a formal discovery. It sounds like she has ALOT to hide. It seems like she moved the money around long time ago. So either you bend over to her, or bend over for the lawyers.
/r/Divorce_Men12/02/25 07:50 PM
1

Wow. Ok how about you ask a question?
/r/Divorce_Men12/02/25 07:23 PM
1

How old are the kids? This is crucial to your next steps.
/r/Divorce_Men12/02/25 07:18 PM
2

Its not true. Your 2 years of marriage will entitle her next to nothing and only for the 2 years. As far as ever seeing her again: Do NOT! If what you said is true, you can NEVER see or talk to her again. She will file and order and the judge wont care for lies in it. They will send sherrifs, seize your legal guns and you will need to prove your innocent while presumed guilty despite a litany of proof showing otherwise, until your trial. I almost never say this and always advise to avoid these s…
/r/Divorce_Men12/02/25 07:16 PM
5

I had same with a more attractive woman. I was not fully hard. It took a while to get back to norm. The traumatic split from a pathological liar didnt help my anxiety. I felt no guilt. I felt attraction and everything was right. But whatever plagued my mind at the time, caused a slow start. Stick with it. You will eventually get back to norm without pills
/r/Divorce_Men12/02/25 07:10 PM
1

It doesnt sound like there is any strife there and unlikely to be. This is a personal decision but eventually if you dont work it out or choose to move on, i think cohabitation is a silly idea. Why stay when you can restart your life and find happyness? Why stay in a dead marriage or living divorce? There are no reasons to stay other than self serving ones. The kids dont benefit from this either contrary to popular opinion
/r/Divorce_Men12/02/25 03:12 PM
2

Its funny i learned the saying well "the best mother in law is one who is rarely heard and rarely seen" for over a decade. In the end it was the sis in law and mom in law that saved me and redeemend them selves in one minute, in a bitter irony that is very unlikely. Today they go through me to see the kids. If it wasnt for these women who derailed my marriage and divine intervention, i would be a total mess. Sometimes, life works in mysterious ways. Be nicer to these people even when you want to…
/r/Divorce_Men12/02/25 12:56 PM
2

I was told by lawyere and redditors to stay and not leave. Luckily for me, i had the means and the rational advice from family to get the hell out. I left a pathological liar and cheat. I left my little kids and went to nearby roach motels. For nearly a year i wanted to erase myself. Staying in my house would have been the death knell of me. This is perhaps the worst advice one can give here like a boiler plate. Dont listen to these people. This is a case by case decision. Only you and the close…
/r/Divorce_Men12/02/25 12:46 PM
2

You think lawyers want to wrap it up quickly? How do lawyers make money by doing anything quuckly? Youre a pawn in a chessgame designed for you to lose money at your kids future interests. Remember that next time you wonder if its all going as planned.... It is... Just not your plan.
/r/Divorce_Men12/02/25 01:43 AM
3

Hello my twin. Same exact story. The lies were so bad and obvious, our divorce clerk told her to withdraw with prejudice. I accused her point blank of being a pathological liar then proved it with her own texts. The reason is that it only takes one stupid woman to do her lawyers bidding. And the lying shark only needs one party to escallate to make money. How else can they make money? In my case, i gained overnights and now considering taking more than 50% due to other eggregious lies and malign…
/r/Divorce_Men12/02/25 01:39 AM
4

I think this was the problem. You tried to stay or keep what they live in. I just left the home i own and everything in it. It was hell for the first year. Today 3 years later, my 3 kids know well what i left behind, where i wound up and where i am now. Now i am after my house and my money but it wasnt until 3 years in that they knew i will want to claw it back. There was some pushback but i explained the concept of "all good things come to an end" and they agree i have the right to take it all …
/r/Divorce_Men11/02/25 11:07 PM
1

I agree with all that but if their mom fails completely and becomes a bum, i will be responsible to fix it for the sake of the kids. She is a malignant pathological liar. The stuff she does is vile. I have to share my custody with HER family as well as my own for the same reasons. She is being steered by a malignant boyfriend. The child lawyer lets it all slide. Proving in absolute terms that she is a pathological liar, resulted in nothing but the judge ordering forensics. I think you are right …
/r/Divorce_Men11/02/25 08:10 PM
1

Right now just an ineffective child lawyer that allowed a pathological liar to call the PD twice and sherriffs 5 times all on false accusations i already proved. Countless unfounded CPS complaints, baseless lies to PD, lies to Sherriffs. I am scott free and clawed more overnights away from her for the lies and other eggregious offenses infront of the kids. But i am no longer allowing any agents of state to see my kids on my time without a warrant. 2/3 kids are asking me to take more time beyond …
/r/Divorce_Men11/02/25 05:48 PM
1

Curious what you think qualifies as abuse. I have evidence of neglect, verbal abuse by umpteenth new boyfriend, blackmailing the kids, compulsive and pathological lying in her effort to get the protective order, eggregious deceits and manipulations. I absolutely certain she is a malignant narcisist encourage by her likeminded father and the new boytoy is a liar also. The kids are unhappy there but i am reluctant to upend their workd again. 3 years ago i left them into the depths of hell. It took…
/r/Divorce_Men11/02/25 03:20 PM
1

Thats half her home. Any investment you made into before marriage is recoverable. Any separate money you had before marriage but used on said property afrer marriage may be comsidered transmuted and now communal property. You should not stay in said arrangments especially if she doesnt work.
/r/Divorce_Men11/02/25 03:56 AM
3

If she lied to you and you are stil opining for her, then you are the problem. I have always separated lying into these categories. White lies, compulsive lies and pathological. Pathologocal liars are cut out like a disease. Compulsive liars not as quickly but still. White lies are only allowed from children without much concern
/r/Divorce_Men10/02/25 09:14 PM
1

Your wife is lying to you. She is manipulating and gasliting you. You wont change her. This type of disease is for life. She is also lazy and not likely to change. This is why you should wait years not weeks to get attached. If you wait long enough, you may find that her proclivities are pathological. Right now you describe a compulsive liar. Worry if she is pathological. That type of diseas is a cancer on all that surround her. My wife of 3 kids turned out to be exactly that. I escaped with my …
/r/Divorce_Men10/02/25 09:01 PM
1

I guess there was no lies between you.
/r/Divorce_Men10/02/25 08:37 PM
5

I enjoyed your story. Its much nicer than mine but also worse because u stayed for a such a long time. The new guy is a "mooch" a " loefer". I know this because there is one who is living in my house too. You would be wise to avoid him before he starts filing false police reports. These men that crawl up into other mens homes are the lowest bottom feeders around and your wife will eventually pay the price (literally). As far as dating on apps. Try ok cupid. The process is the worst. I hated it b…
/r/Divorce_Men10/02/25 07:06 PM
2

If she finds another man to live with her, that will potentially free you from alimony
/r/Divorce_Men10/02/25 04:50 PM
2

Yellow stone caldera?
/r/Divorce_Men10/02/25 12:08 PM
4

Wow man. And here i thought i went from zero to hero. I bet you never camped atop a volcano yet :)
/r/Divorce_Men10/02/25 03:24 AM
1

I am curious. Why do you have to reply to her lawyer? Why do you have to pay for the escallations? What happens if it is drawn out a few years and you just ignore when possible and adjourn when opportune? For me this accidental stonewalling (my lawyer is disorganized but very clever) resulted in my kids maturing enough to dictate how they want to ration their parental time. Is this not a strategy you can employ? Be a cool cucumber, sit on your hands and live it up a bit? You seem on edge. I was …
/r/Divorce_Men09/02/25 09:28 PM
1

I stopped coparenting with my parhological stbx. The court and child lawyers keep telling me i must. I reply calmly "you can not force me to coparent with a pathological liar, i will not pay for forensics despite the judges orders even though that is likely in my favor, i will not let agents of state access to my kids on my time without a warrant". Everyone is on notice that a legal system that continuously allowed her to weaponize PD, CPS and sherriffs all based on proven lie, are all persona n…
/r/Divorce_Men09/02/25 01:45 PM
1

You put mine in perspective also. I thought i had it bad battling a pathological liar who also had my rifles taken with complete lies. A suggestion if I may. It sounds like your kids are tweens and teens now 10 years later. Why are you still battling her? Why does she affect you so much still? Reason i ask is because i too considered erasing myself when my youngest of 3 kids was just 6yo. Initially i lost custody (self imposed) while i was living in roach motels after leaving my own house (again…
/r/Divorce_Men09/02/25 01:32 PM
3

"court clerk circle jerk" only makes money when it is escallated for the dumbest reasons
/r/Divorce_Men09/02/25 04:57 AM
4

They are not lying to you. I bet you think you can fix her? You cant. I been there. This is your grief speaking. Move through it faster. Go get laid. Get a shrink if you think it will help. If you stay with your wife you will NEVER be at ease
/r/Divorce_Men08/02/25 01:19 PM
3

Back in 2021 my stbx woke me up at 4am in the basement and tried to twist my arm into deleting her nessages and nudes she sent ne that summer. Today more than 3 years later, those same messages and nudes are the star witness in our dimestic villence and divorce trial. It is these messages that are about to get me off her false order of pretection and all the lies in her false complaint. I almost deleted them more that 3 years ago to satisfy her. I was already leaving her and preparing to file an…
/r/Divorce_Men08/02/25 12:28 PM
10

In my state, infidelity has no effect on outcome or the judges decision. I dont know what kind of archaic state you live in but please take me there. ;)
/r/Divorce_Men07/02/25 01:24 PM
4

If the odds of her not playing fair and weaponizing the system against you are high, the YOU are in trouble. I been there. I still am. But i was fortunate enough to prove my X a pathlogical liar countless times with her own words and messages that are now almost 4 years old. Be carefull! Dont lose these messages. Less in person conversation and more messaging. This saved me from going to jail and losing my kids. When lying X tried to have me arrested and then charged, that failed. Then she tried…
/r/Divorce_Men07/02/25 12:36 PM
1

They are very young and at the ripe age for this system to take full advantage of you, if you have deep pocketts. When i started divorce from a pathological liar and cheat, my youngest was 6. My journey was hell. Years later i still am no closer to divorce nor a custody agreement. I clawed my 50% of kids. Lawyers did not help me. The court allowed this liar to escallate and lie with absolute impunity. Only now more than 3 years later, the courts are finally paying attention to the lies and eggre…
/r/Divorce_Men06/02/25 07:57 PM
1

You said it wrong. Dont do anything to land in jail. Speaking the truth will never land you there. The most influential quote in my journey has been "a man who does not lie, does not have to remember what he said". I have lived by it and she found out why i know all of her lies. It is incredibly easy to out a liar with just that one quote. I hope it serves you well. You are welcome to use your mouth (it may get you in touble if your judge sucks) but keep your hands at your side always.
/r/Divorce_Men06/02/25 07:33 PM
1

How old are the kids? If they are too old to be told what to do by a stranger in a robe, then you are planning to escallate for no reason.
/r/Divorce_Men06/02/25 07:29 PM
0

Same story. She wants 75% of pre maritial assetts and post marital assetts and also the kids. She lost 50% of the kids due to her own lies and malignant actions and likely to lose more and then the child support. Soon enough she will lose the cashhoard and assetts (mine) she is clinging onto for deal life. As time went on, i healed and sleep like a baby.
/r/Divorce_Men06/02/25 05:02 PM
2

How about realizing your wife is a pathological liar and cheat. Only to leave her and the kids in your own home while living in roach motels nearby unwilling and unable (self imposed) to see them as you recover from wanting to erase yourself in nearby motels. Then finally recovering years later (i started a new life and new blended family) only to find the stbx moved in some new guy into what is still your home, as you continue paying dutyfully. Then a few months later, find out that the stbx an…
/r/Divorce_Men06/02/25 01:04 PM
0

Yes you are. Why is she still there? Is it your house? Or she has a right to it?
/r/Divorce_Men05/02/25 11:38 PM
1

Same story here bro. 2 false police reports and 4-5 orders with subsequent violations all based on lies i have proven. Trial is pending
/r/Divorce_Men04/02/25 10:38 PM
1

Yes that is normal. I am as hard as they come. God help you if you mouth off to me. I was never scared of anyone. I paid the price many times for the lack of fear. I still am. But seeing pain and feeling it was never my shortfall. Losing access to my kids briefly after i realized my wife is a pathological liar and cheat, destroyed me. Random panic attacks daily, dibilitated me for a year. A hardener man with a life full of violent and traumatic events that unphased me, turned into a complete uns…
/r/Divorce_Men04/02/25 12:26 PM
2

50/50 except every other sunday night when they return to mom. No custody agreement yet 3 years in. And unlikely to have one anytime soon. My oldest just decided to live here in substandard conditions in a loving home where they are not abrdiged from familial relations (they moms family). Mom is a pathlogical liar. I pay max child support in this liberal state where court is ok with her lying non stop.
/r/Divorce_Men04/02/25 12:01 PM
3

There was a famous israeli PM who said this first "we will have peace in the middle east, when terrorists learn to love their kids more than they hate their enemies". This is a brilliant segway. I will use it going forward.
/r/Divorce_Men03/02/25 07:15 PM
3

The only way for this farce of a legal system to make money for the lawyers and courts is through ESCALLATION. Without instilling fear into the man, there is no money to be made. Granted if the kids are too young and the X liar is able to keep them from us, its the worst situation. But when the kids are old enough to voice an informed opinion, that is when the man needs to understand this simple concept and how this court clerk circle jerk system really works. My panic attacks and depression van…
/r/Divorce_Men03/02/25 07:12 PM
1

You will too! Time heals all. You can expedite that proccess in many ways
/r/Divorce_Men03/02/25 05:46 PM
1

Super well despite constant lies and deceit. I found a woman. We have a phenomenal blended family. My X is a pathological liar and enjoys ruining peoples lives as often as possible. Despite all that i am very happy. You can be too! Find your secret sauce again
/r/Divorce_Men03/02/25 02:21 PM
2

I know how you feel. I had to leave a 20 year relationship with 3 kids into roach motels. She turned out to be a pathological liar and cheat. I felt what you felt in a cheap motel for 5 months. My advice is simple. Go get laid. It wont be pretty. It wont be easy. You might not even like it. But it will help you alot to forget her by drowning in other women. Once you do, you can restart. You will not make it opining for her and the lost future. Simple baby steps my man. Try to have fun in the mid…
/r/Divorce_Men03/02/25 01:27 PM
1

What lucky men live in those states?
/r/Divorce_Men03/02/25 12:57 PM
1

Where which state? Kansas? There may be these states still remaining but most judges will ignore these archaic laws. I dont agree obviously. I think infidelity should be punished but 99/100 judges will NOT
/r/Divorce_Men02/02/25 10:28 PM
0

"the love you give away is the only love you keep". That should answer your question. Besides trust love and hope, a woman can do alot for your "well being"
/r/Divorce_Men02/02/25 02:31 PM
1

I am 3 years into divorce court from a pathologic al liar and cheat. 3 years ago i met a single mom with kids. We have lived together for 2 years now. Our blended family is amazing. I have no desire to be married again and never will. But your advice not to date single moms is erroneous. It comes from failure and not success. Had i not met this woman, the desire to erase myself may have matured. My kids too would not be with me 50% of the time. My stbx family goes through me to see the kids for …
/r/Divorce_Men02/02/25 01:54 PM
1

If your first go was with the same woman, then go into it kind of like you should into a casino. Unsuccessful. These "mediations" dont work out often for acrimonious 'relationships". I didnt even try reasoning. Mine is a pathological liar. Allowed to lie with impunity in court docs and complaints. Multiple false police reports. Proven track record of vindictive and malignant behavior. Her fam goes through me to see the kids. Now i have a family court case for the false order of protection and su…
/r/Divorce_Men02/02/25 12:06 AM
2

Oh trust me i know this game very well. I have to duke it out with a pathological liar for 3 years now. I am not closer to the end than i was 3 years ago and 50k in the hole. I hope it works out for you.
/r/Divorce_Men01/02/25 11:12 PM
1

If you are trying to draft a separation or divorce agreement, it should be with a mediator if youre amicable. Its not like you can sign with a notary
/r/Divorce_Men01/02/25 09:19 PM
2

SNW statement of net worth
/r/Divorce_Men01/02/25 09:04 PM
8

I am over 3 years in and no custody agreement in sight. Then comes the financial trial which will also take years. I learned a valuable lesson most men will never gleam. The court system imposes "dont tell the kids dont talk to them about court matter dont alienate each other coparent or else". Definitely dont alienate and dont lie. Tell the truth when it needs to come out. Most importantly keep the kids meaningfully informed. They need to understand the court system is not your friend and wants…
/r/Divorce_Men01/02/25 08:16 PM
1

Same happen to me but in reverse. I never withheld them from her but when the new umpteenth boytoy became abusive the kids did not want to be there. I took them while she had multiple false police reports and multiple false restaining order and violations out on me that i proved a lie. Cops and sherriffs would come here often and i always was nice but told them without a warrant no agent of state going to have access. Eventually i asked the kids to go back and watch over their mom. What your sol…
/r/Divorce_Men01/02/25 08:03 PM
13

Its not evidence. There is not a single state where this will be evidence unless it involves her moving money to the new guy. Just let it go man. Also it can be evidence if she ever files a restraining order claiming you hurt her and she is unable to cope. Similar thing happen to me 3 years after i left and her nude photos got me off on a restraining order (trial still pending). But its not evidence in divorce ever. If your lawyer is telling you anything else, he is lying and milking you. The ju…
/r/Divorce_Men01/02/25 07:41 PM
-1

Thats because youre a soyboy who would stay in a home with liar and cheat then when its convenient, you spread your wings and stay alone always afraid of being screwed over again. Naturaly you wont like what i say. Youre the type who will cower to a judge and child lawyers demands also. Not I. I got my stuff on track and my kids back all on my own. A bit of luck helped. Consider manning up some. Might do you good.
/r/Divorce_Men01/02/25 06:52 PM
3

Assume you will give her 50% of your gross per year in child support and alimony. Alimony ends at most half the marriage term. Child support ends at 18 -21 depending on your state. Find a sidegig after its all decided. If you add another 10-20% after, thats yours to keep. Make sure you claim all kids as dependents. Dont fight this. Youre likely to pay as per state calculator. Dont escallate either as you are going to pay nearly all her lawyers fees. Settle and fast. You wont win. These lazy stay…
/r/Divorce_Men01/02/25 05:13 PM
1

Dont leave if the child is young. If you do, you wont get a chance to reconcile for a long time if your X moves against you. If you do leave, then ensure your child is able to communicate with you daily. Send the messages daily even if you dont get a reply. You will have a chance again years later but success is not guaranteed
/r/Divorce_Men01/02/25 04:50 PM
1

I didnt want meaningless sex though i indulged a bit. I found my new love in an uncommon way. On the apps i advertised that i am looking for a single mom. I dont know why i was turned off by women without kids. I felt more in common with moms. My profile was so weird that i har trouble connecting in conversations. Like what normal man excludes single ladies without kids? It worked out real well for me. My blended family is difficult often but so awesome.
/r/Divorce_Men01/02/25 04:45 PM
1

Youre a very nice person
/r/Divorce_Men01/02/25 04:17 PM
1

Youre right on i am at 50k now and got nowhere while she escalleted lies for years in an effort to abridge me and her own family from the kids. It didnt work and backfired every time. I was fortunate enough to make good money and invest right. She got the lions share with the house and me in a roach motel at first. You misunderstood. I dont put my kids in the middle. Infact i left my own home against the advice of every lawyer and redditor so that my kids are not caught in the middle and are spa…
/r/Divorce_Men01/02/25 04:12 PM
3

I was faced with the same decision. I decided to wait until the APs kids were much older. The guilt of not telling his wife is still strong because she is still friends with my stbx who is a pathological liar and cheat. I also used this as an ace card here and there. Not like blackmail. Just to remind her to stay in her lane and not piss me off with more lies. She seems to have forgotten that lesson now that she and her new boytoy filed multiple false police and sherriffs complaints which i had …
/r/Divorce_Men01/02/25 02:27 PM
7

Depends. My x is a pathological liar and cheat. She is cut out of my life like a cancer. If she wasnt the way she is, i may send her a gift or a card or something. But she is dead to me..
/r/Divorce_Men01/02/25 02:09 PM
0

13 and 10 are old enough to communicate to you directly without involving the narcisist. The 13 year old can help coordinate with the 5yo. I think its doable. I cut off my conversations with the X and 99% of coparenting when the kids turned about 12, 10 and 7. You can not coparent with a pathological liar. I never tried to get her diagnosed as a narcisist but taking a test for her online, she qualified as somewhere near a malignant narc. That disease is less relevant than the lying though. I thi…
/r/Divorce_Men01/02/25 01:59 PM
0

Stop notifying her! She will grille the kids and find out later and then send you ofw message notifying you of the "violation". Ignore her! Or do what i do and let her know "i dont talk to pathological liars" as i wait for another sherrifs visits with another order of protection violation. My kids are too old for the court to decide who and when they visit. I clawed back my 50% against the grain and against the courts orders. Did it all as per the kids wishes. Ignored the courts mandates and gag…
/r/Divorce_Men01/02/25 11:43 AM
0

If your jusge a POS then you can get screwed. If you have a normal human for a judge just ignore her and her demands. You shouldnt even be engaging in convo with a narcisist
/r/Divorce_Men01/02/25 11:37 AM
-2

I have a proposed ROFR that is designed to prevent my STBX family from seeing the kids on my time (they go through me to see the kids). The useless child lawyer who has done "some" good, once signaled to me that rofr is virtually unenforceable in such a situation. Think about that. Why would a judge enforce roft in favor of a parent that abridges familial relations, into the favor of a narcisist? In my case into the favor of a proven pathological liar. While the court wont do anything against a …
/r/Divorce_Men01/02/25 11:33 AM
5

Your comment is exactly right! And i am in the same boat. I filed against a pathological liar and cheater. 3 years later while i regained (without help from any lawyer or child attorney) my custody 50%. I now have a new blended family and living the life despite having multiple false police reports and false order of protection and numerous violations. You are absolutely right. This court clerk circle jerk is a farce to part you from your money. Why do i fight for my kids? Because if i let her h…
/r/Divorce_Men01/02/25 11:12 AM
2

I guarantee that you would feel far worse if she had stayed for the kids while milking you for child support and alimony while being a "stay at home mom". Youre a lucky man. Your kids not so much but that can and will change rapidly if you design your (their) life right. Count your blessings. I have to share ny kids with a pathological liar and cheat who wants nothing less than to take everything from me because i moved on quickly and started a new family. I have 2x false police reports, 4 or 5 …
/r/Divorce_Men31/01/25 03:57 PM
1

My stbx had a cop boyfriend "stalk" me. That didnt go over well. Years later she still enagages in stalking like behavior while exercising her right to call copa on me in full view of the kids which she has lost. They stay with her to be "fair" 50% of the time while i pay child support that she wastes on some loeffer she moved in. The kids hate him too. I have 2x false police reports and 5x order of protections and violations in full view of the kids based on complete lies i have proven with her…
/r/Divorce_Men31/01/25 02:30 PM
2

There is no solution to a lazy stay at home mom. Leave and be happy. Suffer through it for the next decade. Once the kids age out youre free. Either she will have to get q full time job eventually or become some other dudes glory hole.
/r/Divorce_Men31/01/25 12:46 PM
1

In many to most stats 50/50 custody results in the non moneyed spouse getting child support. Such is my case. My lying stbc choses to work part time. The concept if "status quo" is an absurdity.
/r/Divorce_Men31/01/25 12:44 PM
6

Be perfectly honest. Dont lie. I told my kids mom lied and thats why i left. 3 year later when i finally clawed back my kids 50% and finally out of depression fully, i finally answered their question why i really left and what she lied about. Some will say dont tell them the truth. I say dont keep it from them if they are mature enough and happy. Liars should be called out.
/r/Divorce_Men31/01/25 03:46 AM
-3

Best way to get even is to get happy and go from zero to hero. Youre not looking like a hero. Find your secret sauce!
/r/Divorce_Men31/01/25 03:42 AM
7

Worst case they will make you pay a fraction of your marriage term. Move on dont lose sleep over it. Certainly dont make the lawyers rich over nothing.
/r/Divorce_Men31/01/25 03:38 AM
8

My X is a pathological liar and cheater. Her umpteenth boyfriend lives in what is still my house. They both tried alienating me so hard that it backfired and now my kids want me to take custody. I have multiple unfounded cps reports. Multiple false police reports. Multiple order of protection and subsequent violations based on complete lies. I have to share my kids with HER family (well i want to) because she alienated them also with her lies? How do i sleep at night while paying child support t…
/r/Divorce_Men31/01/25 03:36 AM
1

If she is hiding money and assetts a mediation will not help you. A discovery will have to be ordered by your lawyer. I doubt mediation will help you if she is a shady person
/r/Divorce_Men31/01/25 12:30 AM
1

Dude youre done with your marriage. Go rock out with your crock out all you want. Tell your wife youre dating. Youre only required to be honest to be a decent person. Once you met the honest bar, you can proceed as grown men will.
/r/Divorce_Men31/01/25 12:28 AM
5

Happen to me first time after a bitter and traumatic divorce. I was half hard. It got better over time. I thought it was caused by the fact that sleeping with another woman was solidifying my exit. I was anxious. You have to let go of the anxiety. You have to want the puss and not just the connection. If you get hard to porn but not to this woman its because your mind is cokblocking you. You have to let go of the past.
/r/Divorce_Men31/01/25 12:21 AM
1

Lets be honest. Your kids are going to be worse off if you stay with a person you dont love. Youre there only because if you leave now, your in for child support until 21 and maintenance for about half your marriage term. What can you do? Decide if you are done for sure. If yes then you have time to put away a nestegg she wont find in 10 years. I am sorry bro thats rough. 3 kids and a stay at home mom that will suck you dry if you leave now. There is a solution to every problem though.
/r/Divorce_Men31/01/25 12:17 AM
4

Hi my twin. I was cheated on. Turns out my college sweetheart is also a pathological liar. I now have a total of 7 police and sherriffs interaction infront of all my kids and all based on proven lies. A valuable lesson i learned is that the law does not punish liars. In divorce court, liars are the ones who escallate and that makes a tonne of money for the lawyer
/r/Divorce_Men30/01/25 01:33 PM
1

That conversation was already raised by my kids. They are keenly aware i am not one to keep my mouth shut when i disagree. They already asked what will happen if the judge seeks to take away my fair 50%>. I said i have no idea. And in unison they all said "i guess we will run away". I laughed and said "dont worry you wont have to run away. A stranger in a robe can not decide who you love, who you talk to and how often you visit".
/r/Divorce_Men30/01/25 01:15 PM
2

They can arrest you for 'threatening". Calling someone a liar is not a threat. Telling someone to flock off is not a threat. The judge may not like that though. Mean words may be used against you in custody when the kids are too little to have an opinion. At one point the child lawyer told me "you have to coparent for the kids". I asked her to find me a manual about dealing with a malicious pathological mother. She looked at me with disdain as usual. Eventually i told her " i dont want you reppi…
/r/Divorce_Men30/01/25 12:54 PM
1

Youre going to lose to her if you dont quit her cold turkey. Move on and quickly. Some will say "dont leave the house". I will say gtfo there. I did too into the depths of hell leaving 3 kids with her in my own home. Best and worst thing i ever did. I left quickly, and voted most likely to off myself. I came back a beast a few years later. There isnt anything that can phase me now. I found love and trust again. I regained my kids 50% without any help from a lawyer (i do have one). The child lawy…
/r/Divorce_Men29/01/25 03:01 AM
1

Also remember. Your lawyer is there to do what you want. If you need him to tell you how to do things, youre already in trouble. Also all bank statements older than 7years are gone. Get the 7 year old statements now and save them. My 13 year old statements showing i was the only one paying for everything before marriage are nowhere to be found. So is the 100k i spent on home improvements. Thats marital property now because i didnt keep those records
/r/Divorce_Men29/01/25 02:43 AM
1

None of that man. Youre setting yourself up to be parted from your money. If you have kids and significant assetts to divide, it will take you years and more to get through it. Whatever you do, dont escallate for stupid reasons. Leave that to your future bitter stbx. It only takes one of you to escallate and be parted from your money. Sit back and relax. Dont give your lawyer ammo to escallate. The proccess is simply. Get theough custody agreement then financial agreement. Everything else in bet…
/r/Divorce_Men29/01/25 02:39 AM
1

Youre saying they never found the transfers. Thats different. If they found the transfers and realized youre hiding money, the judge would punisn you. So consider you lucky
/r/Divorce_Men29/01/25 02:27 AM
1

My stbx offered to withdraw without prejudice if we signed the custody agreement that is 50/50 and acceptable by both. I declined and refused to sign anything until the order of protection trial. I want her lies to be withdrawn with prejudice (her lies must be outed). Thats where i am headed. I am refusing to cooperate and coparent with a pathlogical liar and made my stance very clear to all. While this has worked out for me in every way, i do understand the judge may decide to protect himself a…
/r/Divorce_Men29/01/25 02:01 AM
1

That doesnt sound right. That half her money. Her lawyer would have gotten half back. The only exception is if you proved you owed your for a loan during the marriage or it was an investment that went sour. You cant just hide money from your spouse. If its found, half will be the wifes
/r/Divorce_Men29/01/25 01:24 AM
2

If the money was transferred and lost as an investment then its lost. If she sent it to her moms account then half is yours.
/r/Divorce_Men29/01/25 01:21 AM
1

Depends on what happen after marriage. Say you got married now with YOUR home worth 1 million. 20 years go by and you put some money into it for upkeep and expansion. In 2045 you decide on divorce and she says "i own half". The home in 2045 is worth 3 million. She is entitled to half of the 2 million appreciation. You can potentially separate the 1 million it was worth before. Onviously if over 20 years it only appreciated by 200k and you didnt spend a dine on it, then its a moot point. But yeah…
/r/Divorce_Men29/01/25 01:18 AM
5

I sent my stbx an ofw message that said "you are a malicious liar and your order of protection is one huge lie and you will have to answer for it". She takes that and calls the sherriffs over for a violation. 4 violations later for the same thing "you are a liar" and the judge told her to withdraw it all because she is a pathological liar. She has not withdrawn but the moral of the story is "dont escallate a conversation". Infact if your kids are too old for a child lawyer to decide for them, an…
/r/Divorce_Men29/01/25 01:08 AM
1

Its important for them to know that you are waiting for them. That you are expecting to see them. Every day
/r/Divorce_Men29/01/25 01:01 AM
2

Hey Sometimes you have to get away and come back stronger. A 7m old is going to be mostly with her mom. She wont form memories for a long time. Long enough for you to right your ship and come back potentially. My wife over a decade and best friend for more than 2 decades turned out to be a pathological liar and cheat. My youngest of 3 kids was 6yo when i left 3 years ago into the depths of hell. First year was rough and i limited my exposure from my kids as i did not want them to see me like thi…
/r/Divorce_Men28/01/25 11:58 PM
11

Also the ONLY way she can prevent you is with a restraining order. You can literally get them from school, from practice, from outside the house, from the park, from her parents. The lack of a custody agreement is not to your detriment. You are as entitled to take and keep your kids as she is. Now she may not let them out of her house, but there are other means as long as you dont have a restraining order. She may explore that option and lie through her teeth to keep you from them. This happen t…
/r/Divorce_Men28/01/25 10:07 PM
1

One thing i can say is that when my boys were 6 and 9, i focused on having a blast with them. If you can repeat this on your time, every time, within years they will not let any child lawyer decided any different. Proximity is important though. So is communication. That good morning and good night message better be sent every single day
/r/Divorce_Men28/01/25 09:57 PM
3

The 8yo is old enough to start to make such decisions but without an older brother or sister still too little potentially for a judge to listen to. My youngest now is 9. He nade his firm stance for 50/50 recently. Before that he wanted to go back to moms on school nites. Alot of drama, false police reports, false order of protections and just evil malicious acts by his mom, recently changed his mind. But its his older siblings and their stance for 50/50 is what enabled him to make the same choic…
/r/Divorce_Men28/01/25 09:54 PM
1

You are wrong. There can be many reason for this. She may be guilt tripping him into a personal gift while you are nonshellant about it. This should not be a hill to die on
/r/Divorce_Men28/01/25 09:42 PM
3

How old are the kids? If you dont have a custody agreement then it can play into your favor. Say the kids are old enough to have am opinion. Say they want to split their time evenly. There is nothing she can do short of filing a restraining order with false information. This is something i am dealing with now. My 3 kids are old enough. We are in a bitter divorce with no end in sight. My kids say 50/50. I oblige as per their desire. She has filed numerous CPS, police and now orders of protection.…
/r/Divorce_Men28/01/25 09:32 PM
1

I cut my lying and cheating wife out completely. No co parenting with liars. Said the same to the child attorney and her lawyer. She didnt stop at lying and cheating. She also has an order of protection and countless violations based on all lies. Unfortunately there is no way of dealing with a liar. If your X is just a cheater and no longer a liar then you deal as best as you can. The path of least resistance is just to avoid her. If she is a liar then you cut her out completely. No co parenting…
/r/Divorce_Men27/01/25 06:57 PM
1

Because forcing a child to brush teeth is not an attack. Not a good situation but escallating for this matter is not wize unless you like to waste money. No way she gets in any trouble for this. And the people who are most affected by this report are actually the kids.
/r/Divorce_Men24/01/25 02:45 PM
0

You have the right to refuse access to kids. Same as me.
/r/Divorce_Men24/01/25 01:26 PM
1

There is a reason the saying exists what doesnt kill you makes you stronger
/r/Divorce_Men24/01/25 01:03 PM
-6

Why escallate? Not much happen unless you missed a crucial part. My childs lawyer allowed my x to call cps for less. Over and over again in front of kids. Until it became clear she needs to up the ante and call the cops then file false complaints to sherrifs. Again in front of all the kids. Everyone knows she lied. That was the end. Court ordered forensics to figure out all the strife and i refused to pay that bill and refusing entry to any unwanted "services". Kids too old to have a man in a ro…
/r/Divorce_Men24/01/25 04:53 AM
0

What are the standards of living? 140k per year is enough to pay child support, rent a decent place and have a car. What your monthly obligation to her?
/r/Divorce_Men24/01/25 04:47 AM
4

I dont understand. Your x held your difficult kid down to brush her teeth and you help convince them its wrong and as a result they went to counseling? I am not sure its worth pursuing beyond what already happen. For the sake of the kids to be honest. You should have taken a more measured approach
/r/Divorce_Men24/01/25 04:43 AM
6

You start by finding things you value. Trust, love, hope....
/r/Divorce_Men24/01/25 04:38 AM
8

The only way to fix your bad thoughts is to make good ones. For me, dating and finding a new woman was a godsend. It was very difficult and comes with other problems, but the day i got laid was the last day i gave 2 sheits about my lying stbx. Literally getting laid fixed the gloom of losing my wife. What came next doesnt have a simple solution unfortunately. Fearing losing my kids to a pathological liar, drove me to new gloom territory. That too was eventually sorted via a very simple proccess.…
/r/Divorce_Men23/01/25 06:48 PM
1

How many false police and orders of protection have you had served? I am at 7 and its getting worse despite her getting the message from court to cut the lies. I am very happy though. The anxiety and stress went sway completely when i realized My kids love me and they dont like these strangers (new boyfriend, child lawyer, cps agent, sherriffs and officers). All the lies eventually backfiered which took 3 years. The dude in a robe and hammer is not prosecuting me. He wants to get rid of us asap …
/r/Divorce_Men22/01/25 12:20 AM
1

How did it turn out? Did the kids get older and stop coming over? What would you have done different?
/r/Divorce_Men22/01/25 12:15 AM
4

You have alot of problems. Hate is one. Vengeance is another. Maybe a case of hypocondria? My advice to you? You need to change everything. Same as i did few years back. If all these negative feelings permeate your life, then you wont get better until you change it. It seems youre well on your way. Work on the hate and resent first
/r/Divorce_Men21/01/25 03:12 PM
3

I did when i separared from my pathological liar and chating stbx. It saved my life. Literally
/r/Divorce_Men21/01/25 03:09 PM
1

For sure i think youre right i experience much of the same. However it does little to nothing for you in terms of winning or being right
/r/Divorce_Men21/01/25 01:14 PM
2

I think we spoke before. Or maybe youre not alone in this world with a twin. Did you diagnosis get better? I never did anything to my lying stbx. Never recorded her. She did herself in with just her words. Didnt have to show any proof other than her own sworn complaints. I am actually astonished at how obvious she is and how the judge did NOTHING but recommend she withdraws it all
/r/Divorce_Men21/01/25 03:23 AM
1

Its never too late to make kids. Trust me! I know. :) At 42 youre only a year older than i was at 41 trying to make more kids. I came to my senses at 5 too many though. So go forth. Elon musk supports this message
/r/Divorce_Men21/01/25 02:17 AM
2

If u paid upfront then you go all the way. How did you establish paying your own legal fees with a large income disparity?
/r/Divorce_Men21/01/25 12:49 AM
1

Unfortunately all my kids know that she lies and cheats with impunity. They also realize her entire family goes through me to see the kids. They hate her boyfriend. She met him in march and moved him in last march and its been a total shit show. She even blackmailed the kids to avoid the child lawyer from forcing him out. The mooch lives in a house still deeded to me and has the nerve to trashtalk me and her own family. He was caught alienating me and her family and the court refused to do anyth…
/r/Divorce_Men21/01/25 12:47 AM
2

Why would she be entitled to a half of the half of the appreciation during your marriage? How do you even calculate appreciation over a 6 year term? Zillow? You would need to spend thousands on an appraiser to crunch the numbers. Your short marriage term, no kids, her not working, your separate property.... Your worst luck is when she tries to get YOU to pay for her lawyer. The judge is likely to give her a 3rd of her expenses or even more if the income disparity is great. If you can show cohabi…
/r/Divorce_Men21/01/25 12:38 AM
5

I am not sure what amazing state youre in but lying in court by a woman in my state carries no penalty. As an example, my stbx is a pathological liar and cheat. Got caught lying in formal complaints and all affidavits. As an example, i have had over a dozen cps, PD and sherriffs complaints against me. I proved all a total lie with virtually no truth anywhere. The court told her to withdraw. The order of protection judge didnt even want to hear it and kicked it back to the divorce judge to settle…
/r/Divorce_Men21/01/25 12:29 AM
1

Oh youre paying alimony. Yes then it matters. To get to trial on it and all the work in between, will likely negate whatever you save by winning.
/r/Divorce_Men21/01/25 12:16 AM
1

I am curious why you think cohabitating is going to help you. In my state, cohabitation only offsets maintenance not child support. I am pretty sure thats in every state. I have the same story with my stbx except i have never asked for discovery and she had twice now.
/r/Divorce_Men21/01/25 12:08 AM
2

If you are at risk of making her lie to PD to get a restaining order, filing first will increase that risk even more. In general you want to be nice as long as she is honest. And it she is honest then its easy to be nice. It she is not honest and you dont play nice, then prepare to fill my shoes. And my shoes are worn out. I been put through the ringer by a vicious liar. She did warn me in her defense.
/r/Divorce_Men20/01/25 08:33 PM
3

Filing first acomplishes NOTHiNG except the opportunity for her to despise you for it. While i did file first, it wasnt for any other reason besides her being a pathological liar and cheat. I hate her and the feeling is mutual which is why i have over a dozen cps, cops and sherriffs visits all based on countless lies she makes up which she will need to answer for soon
/r/Divorce_Men20/01/25 08:23 PM
3

Why cant it be real and why does it have to be? Its that type of thinking that will make you miss the one and find the none
/r/Divorce_Men20/01/25 08:20 PM
8

Mark Twain once said "a man who never lies does not have to remember what he said". This has been the most influential quote i have read. Both for me and my kids. Another one is "the love you give away is the only love you keep".
/r/Divorce_Men20/01/25 08:15 PM
2

Thats not allowed in my parts. Kids talk to child lawyer who may be impartial but partial to women as these lawyers are often women
/r/Divorce_Men20/01/25 12:51 AM
5

Learn to fail and be rejected. Its a fundamental requirement on your way to success
/r/Divorce_Men19/01/25 03:43 PM
5

If youre a stiff then unstiff yourself If youre the type to wear a helmet on a bike ride then leave the helmet home. Along these lines. Dont overthink it. Have fun and enjoy life
/r/Divorce_Men19/01/25 02:43 PM
2

Telling truth dont pay unfortunately. Telling the truth is always good for your soul. Get your soul right and money will follow hopefully.
/r/Divorce_Men19/01/25 02:37 PM
4

Thats right from a state support calculator. Youre wasting time and brain rationalizing it. This is set up for the man to fail or try harder. Thats your option. Fail or try harder. You dont need to rationalize the irrational. You just need to find a way to make a bad situation better. If you doubled your income, her cs only goes up marginally. She may then qualify for maintenance but thats very temporary if she works and marriage term is less than 15 years. Dont sweat the numbers. You cant fix t…
/r/Divorce_Men19/01/25 02:34 PM
3

You can also stay til the kid is older and able to decide. You can fix your money situation and future obligation. You can tell her youre done and put her on notice and wait for her to file. Many ways to do this to your own benefit but you sound like a by the book man so be that way. No honor in lying cheating and manipulating. Some men do and benefit as a result. I left cold turkey into the depths of hell. I went from hero to zero and came back 3 years later. The kids saw it play out. They saw …
/r/Divorce_Men19/01/25 02:17 PM
5

What the kids tell the child lawyer will weigh the most. All the rest is insignificant. If kids refuse to speak then they will use ancillary things. You do have an uphill battle. If you are the stiff and wife the fun parent then there is a possibility she will convince them to join her. I have the opposite dynamic. I am the fun parent and fun household. She would never convince them to move away.
/r/Divorce_Men19/01/25 02:06 PM
1

I was about to have all that done to me but i was able to prove her a pathological liar so they did not progress it. The judge did order forensics (i am told and i believe in my favor) however i declined payment of my 60% liability. Read my other comment in this thread for more info. What you describe is certainly a risk for me however i have something up my sleve. My kids are older teens and tweens. Instead of waiting for what you described, i simply took the truth to my kids and filled them in…
/r/Divorce_Men19/01/25 01:57 PM
1

Hi 1. I been dealing with a pathological liar for 3 years sinse i left. The lies are relentless. I have 3 unfounded cps reports, 2 false police reports by her new boyfriend. 5 order of protection and subsequent violations. The court told her to stop on the first police report and withdraw on the first order. They wont do anything to her as long as she has a vagine. My story is a very daynting one with countless almost failures but j a wild success story because despite the worst experience and w…
/r/Divorce_Men19/01/25 01:42 PM
16

I have 3 false cps reports (unfounded), 2 false police reports (by another new boyfriend that lives in my house thats still deeded to me for now) and 5 orders of protection and subsequent violations. All in view of 5 kids that live with me. It got so bad even the judge warned her to stop and withdraw (before the sherriffs were even involved). And thats just the cream of the of crop. The kids dont want to be ther 50% of the time anymore but i tell them to just chill and give it a little time. Her…
/r/Divorce_Men19/01/25 01:06 PM
2

Hey. A bison farm? I want to marry some rich dude in my next life.
/r/Divorce_Men18/01/25 09:16 PM
3

You know sex is something thats fluid. Pun intended. But it ebbs and flows especially in women. If there was no lying or cheating then it may be solvable. If you know its over then you need to be there for these kids you took responsibility for. Even the crackhead cousins kids. You can find more reasons to do the right than do nothing at all
/r/Divorce_Men18/01/25 08:29 PM
2

Sounds like me in the future
/r/Divorce_Men18/01/25 08:26 PM
3

I dated a month after i left a pathological liar and cheat. Some ups and downs. But my lady i stayed with for 3 years now, is my new blender family. We have had cps, cops and sherriffs here countless times all based on lies and false storries i proved easily. I have a long road ahead after 3 years of divorce court still but i am happy to have found hope and trust. Anyone giving advice "wait until youre divorced" dont know wtf they talking about. Thags advice from a parrot who heard it elsewhere …
/r/Divorce_Men18/01/25 04:32 PM
2

Nice man. Congrats. Whats next for you? What is your new life and future
/r/Divorce_Men18/01/25 04:21 PM
7

If youre honest and you gave away all your rights for peace and quiet, the. The narcisist is your wife gasliting you. She is manipulating you. You folded. Stand up and grow a pair. You are being killed slowly by a narcisist most likely. Want to live? Start by getting help. Go to a psych for a bit. You cant live with guilt and you have to prevent her from guilt tripping you
/r/Divorce_Men18/01/25 03:19 PM
2

You dont have to prove to anyone that she is cheating other than yourself. Put a tracker on the car to confirm. Audio bug is great also. If you want to, wait a few years and move your money around. If you own a biz, start cutting checks to a trusted persons biz. Over a few years you can move alot of money this way. When youre satisfied drop her. I did not do the money laundry. I just left cold turkey. Got laid quickly and got over her virtually overnight. Unfortunately the loss of access to my k…
/r/Divorce_Men18/01/25 02:07 PM
1

That may work with babies where a child lawyer represents their best interests. For older kids, the kids get to decide who and how often. I am guessing in all states. With older kids its not worth taking shots. The courts dont care. Your ability to gain time with them is as important as your ability to retain your time. Once they are old enough, a custody schedule become a moot point often
/r/Divorce_Men18/01/25 01:19 AM
1

My stbx is a pathological liar. I now have 3x unfounded cps complaints, 2x false police reports, 1x false order of protection and 4x subsequent violations all in full view of 5 kids that live under my roof. I have proven all of it as the plaintiff and her the defendant. The court knows her to be a liar. I have proved eggregious alienation against me. Her own family goes through me to see the kids. I have proved her blackmailing the kids to talk to the child lawyer to allow her new boyfriend to r…
/r/Divorce_Men18/01/25 12:36 AM
2

You going to try to take her job? To what end? You think a judge going to side with that method? Congrats she has no job, now you pay more for child support and more for maintenance
/r/Divorce_Men17/01/25 01:11 PM
6

The only thing i want more than the divorce from a pathological liar, are my kids. You guys are still traumatized. That woman sucked off another man to replace you and keep him. She wasnt looking for fun. She was looking for a replacement. Youre cooked as soon as she got the nerve to scratch that itch. Move on and go have fun. Stop opining for her. Best thing she did for you was to lie. Thank her profusely for not having to carry her into retirement.
/r/Divorce_Men17/01/25 12:33 PM
2

So then it is all legit and final. That clause dont do anything. You can always renegotiate. Up to the judge to hear it and deny
/r/Divorce_Men17/01/25 12:29 PM
2

This is not likely to help you. The cheating is a moot point. Judge will not care. He will also not care if she partied too hard the summer before you decided to split. In general nothing she has done will be considered unless it led to her arrest or some other egregious action. You are wasting your money. A lawyer will fill your hear with "yes you can". Dont fall for it. You may be able to use her behaviour to justify your desire to avoid communication. In general you keep your proof if the lie…
/r/Divorce_Men17/01/25 12:28 PM
1

A judge signed the divorce with no custody schedule/agreement? Or you had an agreement with a clause that timed a renegotiation?
/r/Divorce_Men17/01/25 12:19 PM
3

Can you tell me more about this open ended custody? This is exactly what i want. To settle the finances but not sign custody agreement. How is this possible?
/r/Divorce_Men17/01/25 11:54 AM
1

Youre able to you just need to force yourself. Thats how recovery works. You need to make steps that will make you uncomfortable
/r/Divorce_Men16/01/25 04:29 PM
1

This is curious because indians dont tend to divorce. My advice to get better is simple. Go date, make new friends, find new women, new hobbies. Try and fail new thigs. If you want to heal, you need to get your hopes and desires way up. This is your secret sauce to success. Just keep busy. Very simple. Anything else is wrong. Dont over complicate things. Its over. Move on and fast.
/r/Divorce_Men16/01/25 03:16 PM
6

Youre nuts if you rekindle this. But if you are perfectly honest people then maybe not. Generally once a wife cheats or nullifys exclusivity, thats the death knell of a marriage
/r/Divorce_Men16/01/25 03:07 PM
1

I had this issue with my 6yo not so much the other kids that are older. His mom surupticiously seeded his head with slight alienagion at first. I knew she would so i told him what good people and bad people are prone to. It worked and her alienation as slight as it was, turned out against her. I went from 10% overnights to 50% with careful planning and honestly against the courts manadate of keeping them in the dark. My advice to you is simple. Give it time, offer love and understanding and alwa…
/r/Divorce_Men16/01/25 03:36 AM
4

If the estate, the money and all was and remains in a separate account, and you have not moved it into a joint account, then she has no claim to it. Also the terms of the marriage is very low. So youre in very good shape.
/r/Divorce_Men16/01/25 01:23 AM
1

I am at 3x false cps complaints, 2x false police reports and 5x order of protection and subsequent violations. Court knows she a liar but refused to stop her for now. Looks bad for her because i caught her lying unpteenth times with everything in every complaint. Called her w pathological liar in front of the clerk and all i got was cricketts.
/r/Divorce_Men15/01/25 11:28 PM
1

Wow thats foul. You have proof her dad told you it was cool fo go there? Was he there at the time?
/r/Divorce_Men15/01/25 02:18 PM
2

My stbx found another boyfriend in march. Moved him in a few weeks later. Today i have 2 false police reports and 5 false order of protection and subsequent false violations. I proved more than half a lie. Every other sentence. The court doesnt care about liars unless they do it on the stand. Your best bet is a speedy trial if you have the evidence of gross neglect and violations.
/r/Divorce_Men15/01/25 04:24 AM
1

You are living in a marital home but you dont want to be controlled? Legally it is half her home less any investment that can be proven separate property. Does it matter why you living in it and she isnt?
/r/Divorce_Men14/01/25 10:41 PM
4

If your kids are too young then a crooked court system will screw the kids while pretending that kids are a priority. If the kids are old enough to understand good from bad, right from wrong, lies from truth then the court is really powerless. Once the kids are old enough the only thing these misguided men in robes have over you, is the ability to sound mean. In reality the kids know what they want and nobody going to stop their desires from coming to live other than complacency.
/r/Divorce_Men14/01/25 06:10 PM
2

I left (my own home) 3 years ago when boys were 6 and 9 and girl was 11. I waited patiently and kept them out of the loop. Once the new boyfriend moved in and started acting a fool, i opened up more and more. I think a mature 9 year old can handle the truth and an immature 12 year old also. But i know now that the courts mandate to shield kids from court related matters is not always prudent guidance. In cases where one party tends to lie and decieve with impunity, a conversation must be had and…
/r/Divorce_Men14/01/25 05:23 PM
8

The new boyfriend has 1 priority when the real father is in the picture. To STFU and stay out the way. Never mention the real father unless its in a positive light. Anything else is grounds for him to be knocked out. Unfortunately we cant hurt people because its illegal in america. So the only option is to tell the kids how a real man should act. If he fails then they know to come to you. Thats exactly what i told my kids when i knew this guy isnt like the others. Like clockwork they came to me …
/r/Divorce_Men14/01/25 04:43 PM
14

It started off with her meeting umpteeth guy in march. She moves him into what is still deeded to me within weeks. Within months he starts posturing with my kids for my viewing pleasure at school events. I have a heart to heart with him (gently told him i am not that guy and to cut it out). A month later the kids told me he is trash talking me and every person my patholocial liar x dislikes. Next month he called the PD twice with false reports (was told to cut it out). The. The X starts filing f…
/r/Divorce_Men14/01/25 04:20 PM
1

So move on. Live a little. This is what separation is for
/r/Divorce_Men13/01/25 09:33 PM
1

Thats something you have to find out if you plan to reconcile with the wife. For me any self serving intent absent a communal approach is also a sign of whats to come. I am intense in that respect though. Forgiveness is not a well developed trait in me
/r/Divorce_Men13/01/25 08:43 PM
1

If there was no lying, no cheating, no dishonesty then you can try to work things out. For me, when lying and manipulation enters, its a dead end. I cut my losses and move on quickly. I have always been this way. My word is my greatest assett and i impose the same onto anyone in my life. The second i find lying, i kill the relationship no disccussions.
/r/Divorce_Men13/01/25 08:34 PM
3

You have to get over the shock factor. It will mess you up royally. Come back here when you make up your mind about what you want. You have to know what you want.
/r/Divorce_Men13/01/25 04:43 PM
2

I had this happen to me 3 years after leaving marital home. She started lobbing OP complaints when i discovered gross alienation and disparagement by her and her umpteenth new boyfriend. She countered by sending sherriffs to my home on a total lie of a complaint. I proved the complaint a total lie and even the subsequent violations. The judge told her to withdraw. I am waiting trial for the protection order. Informed all lawyers (including child lawyer ordered by the court) that no further coope…
/r/Divorce_Men13/01/25 02:57 PM
5

Infidelity is no longer a crime and even in states it is a crime, it never gets prosecuted. Only stupid people try to prosecute it
/r/Divorce_Men13/01/25 02:50 PM
8

I think you are trying to validate you moving on. You have moved on. Youre out. If you return, the odds are stacked against you. Go rekindle with the girl who admired you from afar. You have everyones blessing. Including your kids eventually. You should be honest. You should not post public pictures. You can tell your stbx the truth but nothing more than that. Wait nearly a year before you introduce the kids to her. Youre in a good place. What actually bothers you?
/r/Divorce_Men13/01/25 02:48 PM
2

You spend enough money you can get what you want. They want your money for sure though. They wont say no to escallation
/r/Divorce_Men13/01/25 02:03 PM
10

Yeah my pathological liar and cheater X loves to travel with the umpteenth boytoy. I dont travel without my kids and my blended family. I dont resent her game. I resent her. A selfish self centered pathological liar who benefits from my dime and the system that allows her to opperate with impunity. Teach your kids not to be a narcisist. Thats all
/r/Divorce_Men12/01/25 11:00 PM
8

Oh thats rough man. That 6 month old wont have the benefit of a rational father for years until maybe age 7 when they become self aware and have questions. You have years to improve your calm and collected state. Avoid escallating in court. Avoid court all together. Avoid lawyers. You will need the money you save when your child nears 10yo. To change custody and visitation. Fix the way you react. You will need to change. I dont see how you can coparent like this. You either have to refuse to tal…
/r/Divorce_Men12/01/25 10:54 PM
7

All of this borders on crazy. None of it is actually legal. You can record people but libel and slander are terms you never want to be sued for. It sounds like you dont have kids. Why does she have your ear? You need to block her
/r/Divorce_Men12/01/25 10:05 PM
1

I know exactly how you feel actually. I tried and failed many times and eventually saw stellar success.
/r/Divorce_Men12/01/25 02:51 PM
0

If the prospect of rejection or failure is stopping you, then you need to go fail and often
/r/Divorce_Men12/01/25 02:38 PM
2

I think the only missing component for you is dating and failing at it and then trying again. That experience will right your ship if you persevere.
/r/Divorce_Men12/01/25 02:29 PM
2

I lost 30lbs in the first 30.days of finding out my x is a patholocal liar and cheater. I kept it off by changing my diet, my routines and my physical activity. The trick is simple. Cut out breads, cheses, red meats, lard, butter, outside food. Replace that with more fish and vegetables and fruits. Eat smaller portions. And have fun. Lots of fun and natural sports (biking, hiking, walking, exploring). Best women love this stuff. Best women dont give a dime about fancy living and fancy dining. Gr…
/r/Divorce_Men12/01/25 02:13 PM
1

I know exactly how you feel. I never let anyone walk over me nos. I am not scared of standing up for myself but i can resonate with everything you said. There was a tine when i felt the same. Timid and non confrontational. That ended abruptly when violence came into my life. I want to say you can change that part of you. You can remain a calm and docile man but you can also prevent people from abusing your kind nature. I was never scared of bullies. I was not specifically violent. But nobody eve…
/r/Divorce_Men12/01/25 02:07 PM
1

She is going to skewer you with lies. Thats my hunch based on what you said. Stop communicating. Get better and dig out of that hole she made for you quickly. Be prepared for the lies. Avoid her like a cancer is my advice. Go party it up and have some fun. Most people will tell you not to leave the home. Given the age of your kids, that may have merrit. I was in a similar situation but my 3 kids were exactly the same age as yours plus 3 years each. That is what saved me ultimately. Now 3 years a…
/r/Divorce_Men12/01/25 05:09 AM
3

I felt the same. It all got better and i moved on, when I finally found happyness and trust. Trust was the big thing. It all comes down to trust. I suppose finding another woman and finding hope was what fixed it for me. I doubt it's any different for anyone else. The anger subsides when you find hope.
/r/Divorce_Men12/01/25 12:29 AM
1

Oh I missed that one. Shoot. Yeah there is no going back to a cheater. That's a life long mistake. Your mind won't thank you for going back with a cheater
/r/Divorce_Men11/01/25 03:02 PM
1

Yes that was my thought process but she did not see it this way and once even threatened to tell kids that I left for another woman. That didn't work well for her because she said it in text amongst a hundred other lies and manipulations. She is a detestable pathlogical liar
/r/Divorce_Men11/01/25 04:49 AM
1

Do you love her? Would you protect her with your life? And she you?
/r/Divorce_Men11/01/25 02:57 AM
1

Don't cheat. If you are having an emotional affair then tell your wife. If you cheated then tell your wife. It doesn't sound like you are going to change your feelings for the new woman anytime soon. So be honest with your wife and separate. See if the new relationship works out. It may fail also. If it does, you won't ever be accused as a liar. Be honest. Everything else is irrelevant in life. Your word is your most important quality. You gave your word on the stand long ago. Honor it with trut…
/r/Divorce_Men10/01/25 04:15 PM
-1

Anything is grounds for divorce. Have you tried to change? You will ruin her life if she loves you. Alot of the stuff you mentioned is manageable. Change is often impossible for women which is why you may have to force it. Get her on pills maybe? You should not stay if you no longer love her. However if you do, then try changing things. Find new reason to go place. New desires and experiences. Music festivals and camping. Go ride bikes or take up fishing. If you still love each other, there is d…
/r/Divorce_Men10/01/25 04:04 PM
1

Tell her "thank you for being a horrible person early on and giving me the opportunity to find happyness before I am too old". Move on and find a party. Go and have fun. The nightmare is over. Your new life awaits. Don't make the same mistake again. You can remarry civilly but never sign a marriage certificate. Do not sign another contract with the government.
/r/Divorce_Men10/01/25 03:56 PM
1

Stop seeing her at pickups! Kids come out and jump in your car. The end
/r/Divorce_Men10/01/25 03:46 PM
2

Same thing for me. She lied and cheated constantly. When the lying and nasty things began to unravel, she ran for the bank and cleared out quartel million in cash. I had to lawyer up to get half back. Now she still owes me a quarter mill for the house. She refuses to pay that and I can't in good conscience force the sale while my kids live there half the time. So I live in a crappy appartment for now waiting for a better day to clobber her in court
/r/Divorce_Men10/01/25 03:33 PM
3

That's a very profound ending sentence. I like that
/r/Divorce_Men10/01/25 03:26 PM
4

After I found out my wife is a lying cheating hoe, I left and I started dating. I don't think I cheated but I was involved with women while married after I found out she cheated.
/r/Divorce_Men10/01/25 03:25 PM
1

Oh I see. Your books need to be balanced if you think this will be a protracted court batter. If she escalates
/r/Divorce_Men09/01/25 05:44 AM
1

Well I don't think you love her and you're prolly gonna divorce. But I am trying to understand your question.
/r/Divorce_Men09/01/25 05:43 AM
2

You realize it's a lot easier to go from zero to hero than it is from hero to zero? You sound like you're at the bottom. I know how that felt 3 years ago. The journey back to the top for me was monumental. How do you start your journey back to the top? Have you made your list? Little things. Things you can surely do every day and every week and over the years. Career going ok? If not then that's the first thing you need to get on. You won't make it without a smile and work.
/r/Divorce_Men09/01/25 05:36 AM
2

I went through similar emotions though not as severe circumstance. My wife's recent lies with a protection order accusing me of trying to kill her years ago, were proved a lie and she lost time with the kids as well as destroyed her reputation further. Time was on my side and it can be on yours. So your story is pretty nasty especially the part about living with room mates now. I recall living in roach motels for 5 months took the desire to live right out of me. The question I have is simple. Yo…
/r/Divorce_Men09/01/25 05:33 AM
1

The judge may decide in favor of parent who works less given that the parent who works more, will need help on school days. It's kind of how the deck is stacked for the woman often. There is no status quo here. Neither school is better. So what is the basis for their decision?
/r/Divorce_Men09/01/25 05:13 AM
4

That is awesome and you will find a lot of people needing help here. There are people who feel suicidal here. A few reached out to me over the past few months. I do my best but I am no 8/10 on the scale yet and I try not to say too much or even too little. 3 years ago I also wanted to erase myself. My journey is not over yet but this place has new men who feel their lives are over almost daily. Most will post and dissapear. I didn't discover this place until I was near the end of my anxiety phas…
/r/Divorce_Men09/01/25 05:08 AM
2

That's what happen to me in a way. I left a pathological liar and cheater. At first I did not see the kids more than a day per week. Now 3 years later I clawed my time back through the kids at 50% overnight. The problem was that I didn't tell the truth when I left. I told them I am leaving for simple reason. 3 years later when they learned mom is a pathological liar and cheater, their desires changed. I still have some work to do. Paying child support to a liar leaves me in less affluent living …
/r/Divorce_Men09/01/25 01:03 AM
8

You should want him to have as much time with the kids as humanly possible. Statistically the kids do alot better with single dads than moms. You can infer from that what you want but it seems to me that your desire is to remove him from the picture?
/r/Divorce_Men09/01/25 12:25 AM
1

At this age I took the truth to the kids. Everything. Why I left their mom (In more detail than 3.years ago when I left), what she is lying about, how she blackmailed them, about some of the major lies in court, about the lies in her order of protection. Told the child lawyer, the clerk and both lawyers that co parenting will not be imposed on me. That I will parent as I please without regard for what the court thinks is right. Then I told the kids that child lawyers, cps agents and any agent of…
/r/Divorce_Men08/01/25 11:50 PM
1

How old are the kids? If they are 10 and up they are old enough for you to talk to them and cut her out of all planning. I'm never understood why co-parenting is almost enforced by the court. Get her out of your life asap and deal with the kids only if they are old enough.
/r/Divorce_Men08/01/25 11:31 PM
2

Yes you can better prepare. If you understand this to be a civil court and that these people are here by invitation. You owe them nothing. Yes the judge can be bad for you. But ultimately it's not his approval you need and want. Dont escallate. Your wife may do that for you. Tit for tat in court is only costing you. Avoid these people. You're a guppy in an ocean with sharks and killer whales who want to eat you (your money). Because in reality, there is no reason to have umpteenth court clerk me…
/r/Divorce_Men08/01/25 04:58 PM
1

Maybe in Netherlands stay at home moms are different. Here they are mostly lazy women with some exceptions
/r/Divorce_Men08/01/25 02:37 PM
1

The rational women you will meet will never say "I sacrificed giving birth". Infact that was my pre requisite when I went back to dating. #1 red flag is a woman who believes giving birth is a sacrifice. Absent any medical problems, giving birth is an amazing experience that every woman should adore. How it became seen as some burden to carry is probably linked to high divorce rates on some level. Its a falacy so widely adapted that abortion became a symbol of strength. This thinking is a cancer …
/r/Divorce_Men08/01/25 02:07 PM
1

Too many examples how courts can escallate a woman's complaints against a man. I have done nothing wrong but my stbx has called the cops and Sherriffs on me with false complaints countless times. They come and go. They leave after they realize it's all a lie which I proved. She still calls them even after the court told her to stop. They know she lies with impunity and she knows she can do so. Now when I had 1 complaint about her blackmailing my kids to make them like her abusive boyfriend, and …
/r/Divorce_Men08/01/25 01:26 PM
3

Oh I thought your wife was another gender
/r/Divorce_Men08/01/25 03:43 AM
3

How many wives did you have that were lazy?
/r/Divorce_Men08/01/25 03:41 AM
2

In USA you would split everything down the middle except the apartment. Presumably you will go get your own. In which case she would either buy you out (likely for a discount) or you have to sell and split the winnings. You seem to be asking "how to avoid getting screwed" instead of "how to recover after being screwed". You will be screwed as the man. Even if you stay friendly and lawyers do not escallate, you are likely to get screwed financially. I think the question you should be wondering ab…
/r/Divorce_Men07/01/25 08:42 PM
2

It seems like you don't really need advice. You seem happy enough. What is your question specifically?
/r/Divorce_Men07/01/25 01:45 PM
2

I am just curious to understand how this is possible. It makes no sense
/r/Divorce_Men07/01/25 02:56 AM
2

I don't get it. Where you are from you go to jail for violating an OP without a trial? I have 5 violations against me now and the court asked my X to withdraw. Let's just say she has a lying problem. Nobody takes her seriously. If they took me to jail, I would lose my job. She would lose child support then have to work full time which she refuses to do. Frankly what you say don't pass the sniff test. How can anyone just be taken to jail for a domestic complaint without a trial?
/r/Divorce_Men07/01/25 01:10 AM
1

This is wrong. In NY the parent with more custody gets child support even from the lower earning parent. When custody is split evenly then the higher earning parent pay.
/r/Divorce_Men07/01/25 12:46 AM
4

You want to share a home with your swinger wife? If you don't force her to sell and uproot the kids, here is what will likely happen; She will eventually get exclusive use. Hostility will be elevated. Run from this. Start over. Many people will tell you to stay in your house or you will lose everything including the kids. My advice to you is lose everything but keep your sanity. It's the way I did it. My journey was hellish dealing with a still to date compulsive and pathological liar and cheat.…
/r/Divorce_Men06/01/25 06:24 PM
2

You're lucky you have plenty of time to give them a better impression of you. Even with the 16yo. I am guessing this is all happening in France? I have 3 kids plus 2 more from my GF that are not my own. I started 3 years ago in roach motels after leaving a compulsive and pathological liar and cheater. It took almost a year for all the kids to entertain sleeping over and now they are with me 50%. I never really screwed up. I have had alot of luck on my side and she has had no luck other than me l…
/r/Divorce_Men06/01/25 03:24 PM
5

She is a poly prostitute. Multiple men giz all over her probably at the same time even. They drill her in every hole and then you pay her child support. Does that make it easier for you ?
/r/Divorce_Men06/01/25 01:50 PM
0

Why can't you speak to your teen?
/r/Divorce_Men06/01/25 01:44 PM
0

There is a fast version. Go get laid. Have fun.
/r/Divorce_Men06/01/25 03:55 AM
4

You are the one who needs mental health treatments for considering this. I know this for a fact. Because my stbx did this charade also. It took a few weeks for me to come to my senses and a few months to go through hell then a full year to get over the fact that I am dealing with a nut who can't tell the truth if her life depended on it. 3 years later she still lies with impunity. Run and hide dude.
/r/Divorce_Men06/01/25 02:27 AM
1

Be careful dealing with manipulative women. A surprise awaits you if you when you least expect it
/r/Divorce_Men05/01/25 04:28 PM
2

Also you need to get access to the kids devices. You have to be able to reach them and they you. Not seeing them 2 months is not a huge deal as long as you can reverse it promptly. Grabbing them by force or coercion is also wrong. You have to be honest and pray they believe you. They may be reluctant to go with you because she brainwashed them successfully. I don't know how to handle that but I know it would be wrong to rush the process. You need to get access but not trash talk. You're ok telli…
/r/Divorce_Men05/01/25 02:37 PM
2

Dude wtf if there is no order just go and grab them! I don't understand how you have not so long. Just be careful do not confront her and don't even cross paths with her. Telling your kids that "saying this is a lie or evil" is not trashtalking but also you should avoid it for now as they are too young. My 9 year old boy came to me himself to ask me questions. I waited for years. My 12 year old same. My 14yo daughter knew what's up all along. There was a time few months ago when they called me f…
/r/Divorce_Men05/01/25 02:32 PM
3

You describe your wife as a self centered narcisist. If this is true, she will become vindictive. Mediation will be a waste if she becomes vindictive. Who makes more money?
/r/Divorce_Men05/01/25 02:20 PM
1

You can. My stbx stole my kids phone looking for alienation after he was caught alienating me. She didn't find any and her own alienation was not prosecuted in any way because it backfired and I gained time with my kids. Nobody cares about lies and alienation In reality. The courts allow lying with impunity because it helps escallate litigation.
/r/Divorce_Men05/01/25 02:03 PM
3

I like your outlook. You seem unphased by the hurdles you have overcome. I am also trying to come to this realization fully
/r/Divorce_Men04/01/25 10:02 PM
7

Your full story from 3 years ago is mind bogling. How are you doing? You can write a book.
/r/Divorce_Men04/01/25 09:19 PM
3

I am reading through your posts from years ago. I believe you despite your crazy story. Because I too have a story. Not nearly as crazy as yours but suffice it to say that I am in my 4th years divorcing from a compulsively pathological liar and cheat. Your writing is emphatical and very familiar tone. I am curious how it went from you being "in the lead" to you not seeing your kids? Was it the accusations of child sexual abuse that got you on the defensive end? Damn bro your ordeal is serious an…
/r/Divorce_Men04/01/25 09:17 PM
3

You have no way of speaking with them? Messaging them?
/r/Divorce_Men04/01/25 09:06 PM
5

5 is very young and it should worry you that her mom maybe planting seeds. Does the 8yo understand why you're being Investigated? Does it bother her? What does she think? My kids told me recently that mom and her boyfriend accused me of trying to kill her in her sleep when I left 3 years ago. They didn't believe her including my youngest (8 now) who despised the bf for alienating me. It all turned out really badly for both them already. She is facing trial for lying on the subsequent order of pr…
/r/Divorce_Men04/01/25 08:48 PM
2

How old are they?
/r/Divorce_Men04/01/25 08:35 PM
5

Don't expect to get support. Make an effort to give it. Don't ask the meaning of life. Put meaning into it. It is ok to move on. You should only want to work it out if there is true love and honesty.
/r/Divorce_Men04/01/25 07:38 PM
4

You sound really excited Remember this feeling Inspiration and hope
/r/Divorce_Men04/01/25 05:56 AM
1

Hey twin That's a wildly similar plot start Why is your gym 40 mins away? You're not a criminal The court and judges use their power and allow women to lie with impunity. That's how it escalates. Remember these strangers just want your money. Once the kids are old enough they will decide not some judge
/r/Divorce_Men04/01/25 05:47 AM
1

Hey I have 5 kids now In a blended family. It gets better. Invest in you and your aspirations. What dreams will come to life? . I haven't been in your shoes but I don't think i would wear them. That sounds rough but manageable.
/r/Divorce_Men04/01/25 05:38 AM
2

Welcome to the club. She can lie with near impunity. Does/did the order tell you to stay away? You should follow that order forever even if it was withdrawn. It's for your health
/r/Divorce_Men04/01/25 05:23 AM
1

That's enough to award a portion of her lawyers fees. Judge may do that if he feels you're being petty. Her lawyer may try to escallate. Figure out what the most your can benefit here then assume 50k in lawyers fees as the worst case scenario. Is it worth it?
/r/Divorce_Men03/01/25 05:06 PM
1

Judge may award her lawyers fees if you make substantially more than she does. Given that you were married briefly probably not but it's also a risk.
/r/Divorce_Men03/01/25 04:56 PM
1

Consider that it may cost you nearly 50k to litigate this and more if she gets you to pay for her lawyer. How much are you benefiting by litigating? These are impossible to quantify but consider worst cAse scenario.
/r/Divorce_Men03/01/25 04:20 PM
1

Return her down payment Return her investments into remodeling Return any contribution to the principal If there is equity, give her half Along these lines
/r/Divorce_Men03/01/25 04:07 PM
2

Do you love her? Or do you love yourself more? If you love her, you wouldn't be here. Why are you entangled with someone who has mental health issue? Are you interested in inheriting those issues?
/r/Divorce_Men03/01/25 03:47 PM
2

Better question is how much are you willing to pay lawyers to litigate? Her lawyer will promise the world as will yours. If you have 50k on the line, are you willing to spend 50k to litigate? That's the real question. When she becomes unreasonable and her lawyer sings her a song, what will you do? This is why you should consider mediation. If you already lawyered up it's likely too late.
/r/Divorce_Men03/01/25 03:30 PM
1

You are correct. But it's up to negotiations. Her lawyer is a shark. Same as yours. Their job is to promise the world and escallate. They don't get paid by being honest
/r/Divorce_Men03/01/25 03:27 PM
3

Nice list you got there. Very organic. I am trying to mix these things into my mix of fighting uphill battles for years. 3 years into divorce proceedings; I got my kids 50% of the time now up from 10% at first I have faced 8 police and sherriffs visits in 1 months, all based on false reports. She is facing trial and will have to prove she is not a pathological liar. I improved my relationship with my kids by light years I improved my living conditions every month for years I made a blended famil…
/r/Divorce_Men03/01/25 03:26 AM
2

If you want to heal faster go have fun. It's going to be hard for you to focus if you don't let loose
/r/Divorce_Men03/01/25 03:17 AM
3

No you can not and even if it is allowed, no judge will care. I think you are confused about something. The judges don't actually give a dime about truth. If they did, they wouldn't wait years to hear your case just to use a state calculator when they bend the man over. It's done this way because escalation (requires lying or negligence) is how this system works. Lawyers don't bill 400$ hourly to be the first at a finish line. Be careful thinking you're going to out that liar. That liar will scr…
/r/Divorce_Men03/01/25 03:16 AM
3

Your realization is the begining of your journey. The journey is long. Welcome to the start of a great rebirth. I hope you enjoy it more than I did at first
/r/Divorce_Men03/01/25 03:07 AM
3

Same with me. Stbx family goes through me to see the kids due to her lying and manipulating everyone
/r/Divorce_Men02/01/25 05:02 PM
3

Block her everywhere. Unless you have a very young child that can't reach you, there is no reason for you to have any connection than a phone call.
/r/Divorce_Men02/01/25 03:53 PM
3

Could have been worse... Much worss
/r/Divorce_Men02/01/25 03:28 PM
4

No I don't think so. I think you avoided spending your life with terrible people. Your glass is half full not half empty. You're asking for the meaning of life where you should be wondering how to put meaning into it. Just the fact that you found out early enough about these liars, says you made poor choices in women but also someone is looking out for you as you're finding out all the details
/r/Divorce_Men02/01/25 03:06 PM
0

Make something up clever. They might not ask.
/r/Divorce_Men02/01/25 01:02 PM
1

It will get worse and get better and worse and better. The goal is to take 1.2 steps forward for ever 1 step back. The kids will get used to it but your time to shine is when they realize that they want more time with you eventually when you right your ship. That's how a man does it.
/r/Divorce_Men01/01/25 06:25 PM
0

You have a talk when you move out forever. You say nothing if you have chosen to move to the other bedroom. I moved out of my own house (still deeded to me but not for long). I stayed in roach motels for 5 months. I had limited visits with them weekly under false pretense that I was busy with work in another state. That resulted in kids getting used to my absence. It worked out really well for everyone (except my lying cheating and still manipulative stbx)
/r/Divorce_Men01/01/25 06:21 PM
2

It doesn't work like this. The words "status quo" will rain on your parade. This legal system here is designed to part you from your money. Not for the benefit of your wife and your kid but for the benefit of the system. How would it benefit your family to have a judge sit down for half a day and bang it all out in one sitting? Alot right? At the cost of lawyers only being paid for half a day instead of hundreds of hours over years. So the divorce system will play court clerk circle jerk for yea…
/r/Divorce_Men01/01/25 03:50 PM
2

I don't know about Texas but most states will get you for atleast half your gross between child support and maintenance (for a portion of your marriage term). Divorcing a stay at home mom is the worst. Your 2000$ per month you pay now is a great deal for you. As soon as she lawyers up, she will file motions for more.
/r/Divorce_Men01/01/25 03:47 PM
2

You have to remove the anxiety. For me it was removed when I realized the judge and the whole system are crooks intent on parting you from your money by escalating in court. Stay away from these divorce court crooks. Once the kids are old enough, all you need to do is show them the truth and the lies. They will learn how to tell the difference. If he regains his happyness and composure the kids will gravitate to him also.
/r/Divorce_Men31/12/24 07:18 PM
2

Same story here but my kids are now 9, 12 and 14. I took it to the courts at first and they warned her to stop without action. Once I realized the court system is a farce designed to part the man from his money by threatening loss of time with kids, I began to act differently. I took the truth straight to the kids. Took the muzzle off completely. Told the child lawyer and court clerk that co parenting is off the table. When they objected, I politely let them know that they can not force me to co…
/r/Divorce_Men31/12/24 07:13 PM
1

I found that asking what's the meaning of life causes loneliness while knowing how to put meaning into the lives of people removes loneliness. I guess my solution was just to keep busy. Finding love and trust again after having to leave my kids and my home to a compulsive and pathological liar, helped a tonne also. It hasn't been easy with the lies continuing constantly 3 years later. Realizing that the court system is a farce designed for men to fail and finding proof of exactly that, has allow…
/r/Divorce_Men31/12/24 07:06 PM
1

Some things you both need to understand. You are debating legal action in a system set up for men to fail for the purpose of parting him with his money. The judges, the lawyers, the child psychs don't give a dime about the kids. They impose rules like "coparent or else". The reality is much simpler for you. At 9 and 12 they are old enough to hear the truth. I was warned by agents of state not to tell the kids about court, about her false order of protection, about co parenting for years. I muzzl…
/r/Divorce_Men31/12/24 06:52 PM
1

I felt like this too 3 years ago. I prayed and hoped. I went out and dated. I found love and trust in a great single mom and now we live like a blended family. I went from seeing my kids 1-2 days a week to now 50/50 and about to go for custody (maybe). My point is that time is on your side. Start by finding hope. That took me a while. When I did find it, I prayed daily. I went from praying to be erased in my sleep to praying to avoid mistakes. I made some mistakes but all the prayers resulted in…
/r/Divorce_Men31/12/24 06:39 PM
1

How old are the kids? This is important. If they are old enough to make decisions then he has the right to do as he pleases. He does not have to coparent despite the courts mandates. He has to realize that he is not a criminal. That she does not exist. That in order for him to win the kids he has to provide a better life. He can block her as long as he has full access to the kids phones. His life would be much easier if the kids were older. If they are young then he has to hang on and wait for h…
/r/Divorce_Men31/12/24 06:32 PM
1

I paid the 5k the judge awarded her which was a third of her expenses without a fight. This is not the thing you want to fight. There are other things you can fight. You don't have to entertain CPS visits if your kids are old enough to decide for them selves. You dont have to open door for cops on a false report unless they have a warrant. You don't have to entertain the court clerk roulette every time they milk you. You can sleep easy knowing this system is a farce designed to part you from you…
/r/Divorce_Men31/12/24 04:01 PM
10

They reacted mostly in silence. I spent 5 months in roach motels pretending to be away for work and had limited exposure to them. That got them used to me being away. When I broke the news to them, their reactions were muted. Now 3 years later and countless lies and affronts from my stbx, the tides are turning and they want to live with me. Just be honest. Have fun. Get a nice place. Expose them to your friends and family. Find a woman maybe with her own kids. Maybe make a blended family. Don't …
/r/Divorce_Men31/12/24 03:53 PM
2

You're wrong. You left a manipulative liar. You have a new life and a new ability to show your son how to give meaning to life. You're asking now what's the meaning of life. You're about to give it meaning. Strap in for an amazing ride and watch your decisions become reality without some liar to stand in your way. This is a good thing for you and your son.
/r/Divorce_Men31/12/24 03:41 PM
1

Run like hell. My stbx accused me of trying to kill her 3 years ago, recently when when the tide started to turn against her. She and her new boyfriend called the cops and Sherriffs on me 8 times now in full view of the kids with nothing but lies in the complaints. The courts know her to be a pathological liar and even told her to withdraw with prejudice and stop these actions to no avail, Infront of 5 kids with me on my time. Powerless courts, unwilling child lawyer and a broken system designed…
/r/Divorce_Men31/12/24 03:36 PM
1

I agree with this also however the problem we have in court is that women are the predominant liars and the courts allow it because it helps escallate court proceedings
/r/Divorce_Men30/12/24 08:05 PM
1

Allowing the mother to lie undisputed is even worse. So sometimes you have to pick the lesser of 2 evils. Let the mother lie with impunity or tell the kids the truth of why and where she lied. Obviously you should leave out the dirty details. But the kids need to know why mommy lies and where the lies are. Had I stayed silent the kids would think that I left for another woman, that I was an abuser, that Mommy is scared for her life and that the cops and Sherriffs and agents of state were at my h…
/r/Divorce_Men30/12/24 03:02 PM
1

Your wife cheated and lied. Probably still does and lies to the bf. You dont need to meet him unless you really want to. You have no responsibility as it relates to her and her boyfriend. On the contrary. Assuming you are very much in the picture. It is her boyfriend that has a the brunt of responsibility. For starters never to mention your name in a negative light. Not to instigate the wife against you. Generally to stay away from your son with the exception of support and confidence that her i…
/r/Divorce_Men30/12/24 03:01 AM
4

You have not yet realized that the judge is the killer whale and all the lawyers are sharks. You're a minnow. A pawn for them. Want to take their power away? Realize when the time is right that you can be honest with your kids. That the court only dictates rules of engagement (how you can communicate with your kids) because they can reach deeper into your pockett. For example "kids I left your mom because she is a pathological liar and here is the proof" is not at all a punishable offense. But t…
/r/Divorce_Men30/12/24 12:35 AM
13

Same story with me except I realized early on that my kids are old enough to hear the truth. I ignore the courts mandates about how to talk to kids and what's appropriate. They all know how to tell a liar. They all know lying and manipulation is evil. They all figured out what their mom has done to me and the extended family. The courts are powerless when the children are unafraid to express and impose their desires. This is why the courts tell us not to tell them the truth about how and what ha…
/r/Divorce_Men29/12/24 05:17 PM
2

Funny. We really have more in common than I thought initially. I think it's this silver bullet method we shared that was employed against us
/r/Divorce_Men28/12/24 06:26 PM
3

I am not planning to get it back. I left it for the benefit of my kids. I don't care about it. It's just a house. I will build another soon.
/r/Divorce_Men28/12/24 05:50 PM
2

Btw you don't have to be stoic all the time. The hardest and most stoic men out there feel emotional.
/r/Divorce_Men28/12/24 05:16 PM
1

Mediation is only possible when both people are honest. Is it possible she is an honest cheater? Yes though unlikely. If she is a liar then mediation may fail. You are going to pay child support until the baby is 21 assuming you're the daddy. If you dont have much money and property to split and she has a job, now is a great time to GTFO. If you have many things shared between you then mediation may be a good idea.
/r/Divorce_Men28/12/24 03:47 PM
3

If you call CPS or Cops and file a report, and that relationship works out, and the new BF and dog stick around, you will be the bad guy especially if that was the first and only time the dog did that. I am not saying not to call CPS or escallate. I am saying before you do, realize that you may be the one to pay for it later. My stbx would call CPS on me for less. She did so countless times. Her new boyfriend is a total loser and the kids hate him. He called the cops on me twice with false infor…
/r/Divorce_Men28/12/24 03:37 PM
1

Go get laid. Forget the house and past. If you want some clarity, go and find a woman. Once you do please come back with a renewed outlook. You know that women cheat for different reasons right? Generally men cheat just for the pussy. A piece of flesh. Women cheat to replace you and a tonne of other reasons. A woman cheating is a death knell. You won't ever forget it even if you forgive. You will taste that forever and you will blame yourself for staying. Same way a woman would except you're a M…
/r/Divorce_Men28/12/24 03:13 PM
3

Same story except I found out mine is a pathological liar and cheat. She wanted to try and work things out but shit hit the hey and I left to roach motels promptly. It was a very difficult time and I almost didn't make it. Alot of luck and truth helped me. Finding love and trust again healed me. I think your stbx is a nut for saying "you're the man you leave" but I also believe a man needs to leave when he concludes it's over. I came to that conclusion and I departed voluntarily. A year later sh…
/r/Divorce_Men28/12/24 02:48 PM
5

I can't give advice on this question but I can share my sentiments and how this piece of the puzzle was eventually righted for me; I was the breadwinner. My stbx is a lazy lying pathological cheater. I bought and paid for a home then remodeled it with my 2 hands over 10 years. I also put her on the deed before we were married (I was very stupid and in love). Thousans of hours invested and hundreds of thousands in separate funds thrown at it. 3 years ago I find 10% of the lies and deceit. Few wee…
/r/Divorce_Men28/12/24 02:13 PM
2

That's one screwed up story. We have alot in common with a pathological cheater. For me it started 3 years ago. I left quickly after discovering 10% of the lies and deceit. Over the next few months, my stbx own family clued me in on the other 90%. We split custody now but I started off living in roach motels for the first 5 months. I met a woman quickly. We have a phenomenal blended family now. I was really In a rough place 3 years ago wishing daily to be erased in my sleep. Fast forward to now,…
/r/Divorce_Men28/12/24 03:03 AM
1

You took my comment out of context a bit. But I am curious. How did your daughter turn out? What plagues her today if anything?
/r/Divorce_Men27/12/24 07:08 PM
1

That's exactly what I have been doing . It worked out real well for me.. I went through first hacing them like 10-20% of the time to now 50/50. Still no custody agreement in sight though.
/r/Divorce_Men27/12/24 01:28 PM
0

Kids need a mom and a father. Even a bad one. Some hope that they might right their ship one day. My stbx is a detestable pathological liar. Recently I had a chance to seed my ability to take custody and really ruin it for her. I chose the steady approach. Let sleeping dogs lie. I sent them back on her time. It's something she never did and it all worked against her. Kids have to know forgiveness and 2nd chances... Even 100 chances.
/r/Divorce_Men27/12/24 01:21 PM
1

She is entitled and priviledge to remove you at record speed considering you have no kids and what you have done. Doing so is a blessing for you. She is conveying the message promptly and for your own sake if you think about it. My wife of 3 kids lied cheated and manipulated me to the point of a nearly complete mental break. I moved out promptly when I found 10% of what would eventually turn out 100%. Within weeks, this woman removed my memory from the home which is still deeded to me now (3 yea…
/r/Divorce_Men26/12/24 03:11 PM
3

Trial and error. I moved around alot in a few short years. One of my kids stuck by me. The other 2 came around later. Now that I am stable, they all want to stay with me but too guilty to tell their pathological liar mom that they don't like living with her and her moron liar boyfriend. You have to fail on your way to achievement. Don't overthink it. It's just an appartment. You can always make more money. You have a short window with your kids. Use it wisely.
/r/Divorce_Men26/12/24 02:50 PM
1

You will have to support her for about a 3rd of your marriage at most half. In my state, half after 15 years of marriage and up to a 3rd if less than 15 years. Some states will make you give up half your income for alimony. If you stay longer you will support longer.
/r/Divorce_Men26/12/24 02:40 PM
3

Go to one of these single women resorts if you wanna rawdog a tail.
/r/Divorce_Men26/12/24 02:32 PM
-2

that's not right and not good for anyone. You should not have allowed it. You should have asked your kid to sleep on it and come back later.
/r/Divorce_Men26/12/24 02:29 PM
1

Yes we can dm anytime
/r/Divorce_Men24/12/24 03:40 AM
3

You can try your luck in court clerk roulette. Or you can give meaning to your life and your child's life instead of paying the killer whales and the sharks in these legal waters. At age 3, assuming the mom is not a user, abuser or grossly irresponsible, you're fighting against the tide in most of not all states. Better way of dealing with this that don't involve the often useless divorce legal system
/r/Divorce_Men24/12/24 01:12 AM
2

You would be right if kids were not involved. There are agents of state that may interview the child. In a system that pretends to be all about the kids, they seem to turn a blind eye to the fact that most of these abuse charges are frivolous at best and downright lies often, the prospect of negatively impacting the kids lives with state intervention is highly likely. So when people advice me to involve the state just to protect myself, I always ask how will it protect my kids. Something women o…
/r/Divorce_Men24/12/24 12:40 AM
4

How old are the kids? I am guessing very young. When you do see them, you can remind them that you wanted to talk to them but couldn't reach them. Find a way for them to be able to reach you. This is crucial for your kids to know they can always trust you. Don't video tape them. Discourage that sort of thing. Teach them they can trust you and that they can confide. Within time they will understand what's what and eventually make informed decisions where even the courts have no power
/r/Divorce_Men24/12/24 12:07 AM
2

Similar story with a longer duration here. I left after more than 10 years of marriage and 20 years of friendship, after finding out the cheating and lying and manipulation. 3 years later she is still lying and manipulating everyone. When I left my 3 kids and stbx at first it was hellish. I remember sobbing uncontrollably everytime I entered my roach motel night after night instead of my own home which I still own. The panic attacks and uncontrollable despair lasted about a year. It was bad and …
/r/Divorce_Men23/12/24 08:50 PM
3

That sounds vindictive. It sounds vile. It sounds like you never really loved her. You sound evil. I recommend you rethink your approach.
/r/Divorce_Men23/12/24 08:37 PM
1

That physically abusive part should be clarified. Did she punch him? Leave a mark? This is a terms that gets thrown around losely. If she hit him then he's report her. If she threatened him with a knife then yes report her. If she shoved him aside in some rage filled episode then I would not persue it generally absent indication that she wanted him to be hurt
/r/Divorce_Men23/12/24 08:35 PM
3

The law is not gender based? Really? Not one person who went through the legal system believes this. It is gender based from criminal court to divorce court. They don't advertise it but the child lawyers, psychologists and judges all have varying degrees of expectations from men vs women. Varying degrees of tolerances for bullshit and varying concerns for the genders. My boomer logic is based on observations in person not only reading countless horror stories here. .
/r/Divorce_Men23/12/24 06:27 PM
1

Where does the OP say that? He says there is already a history of self harm. I don't see anywhere that the OP is scared of her physically even though he implies that he is worried about her being physically abusive in the future.
/r/Divorce_Men23/12/24 06:23 PM
2

On the contrary I think men who can not cry are posturing and hiding something. Nothing about being macho. A man has different rule book than a woman. Nothing between the lines here. A man should not employ the same tactics anywhere including court. We are different. We are not the same. We are not interchangeable or malleable. Our sex is not fluid. A woman is nothing like a man and enjoys different rules in life. Anyone who doesn't understand that, needs their head examined
/r/Divorce_Men23/12/24 04:05 PM
-1

I read it. The child loves his mom. If you move against her in any way, it can backfire ALOT. I don't like this. I don't call CPS for any reason. The most I will do is call a PD wellness check and meet them there without making a scene. Calling CPS, restraining orders, police reports is the silver bulled playbook and employed by women often to the detriment of the child and herself. There are better ways to handle non violent issues at her home.
/r/Divorce_Men23/12/24 02:53 PM
-3

I don't like this. The OP never said she threatens the kid and didn't seem to imply he is scared of her or that she is violent. You're a man and as a man there are certain rules you have to play by. This is an unwritten rule. Don't use the woman priviledge card against a woman. I had every chance to reciprocate to my stbx constant CPS, police and sherriffs complaints. Mine would have stuck too. She screwed up real good. I didn't the call authorities for the benefit of my kids. Today they underst…
/r/Divorce_Men23/12/24 01:44 PM
7

If she is a stay at home mom, you are in for a financial tailspin in divorce. You will likely be forced to pay for her lawyer also. The instability and history of suicidal tendencies are sealed from the judge but any new episodes may affect her ability to remain a custodian and receive child support. If you described your marriage and situation honestly and totally then it sounds like you have made up your mind.
/r/Divorce_Men23/12/24 01:40 PM
1

Seems like we have some things In common. I just don't trust the system to do anything right. They let these women operate with impunity and I am supposed to keep my mouth shut and pretend it's not happening.
/r/Divorce_Men23/12/24 04:29 AM
0

Sounds like you're the one who is about to find out what the rest of the world already knows. Kind of strange coming from someone who advocates to "get back in the house". That's a bitch move.
/r/Divorce_Men23/12/24 04:00 AM
1

No final order and I am refusing to negotiate any custody agreement until the order of protection hearing happens. They told her to withdraw with prejudice. It seems like you're about a year ahead of me with your own pathological liar X. I am just done with this court clerk circle jerk. These people failed to follow their own prime directive. My X and her BF called the cops and sheriff's for nothing. Countless lies and no actial basis for anything. It's plainly obvious to all but nobody says any…
/r/Divorce_Men23/12/24 02:25 AM
1

You will ruin yourself finding the unknowns. You're searching for them because you know it to be true. Why are you? Because you want to stay if you're wrong or find the reasons to leave. Leaving is a far scarier thought than finding you are wrong about it all. That's why you're searching still?
/r/Divorce_Men22/12/24 10:54 PM
1

If there was lying I recommend you reconsider your future with this woman
/r/Divorce_Men22/12/24 10:29 PM
1

Great advice in typical divorces. My stbx lies with impunity. She is a proven patholigical liar. I am almost certain the judge feels the same just reading her countless affidavits and complaints without any rebuttals from me in nearly 2 years of court clerk roulette. -3 unfounded CPS complaints -2 police reports by her new boyfriend that were baseless and not persued. -5 restraining order and subsequent violations all based on lies and deceits. Her siblings and mother go through me to see the ki…
/r/Divorce_Men22/12/24 10:25 PM
0

How not to be one?
/r/Divorce_Men22/12/24 09:06 PM
2

Ok that's not so bad actually. My story is worse In many ways except the following; -my kids are a little older with 2 boys and a girl who categorically refuse to give me less than 50% time with 2/3 asking to stay more and for me to take custody. For now I sit on my hands and tell them to sleep on it and give it time. I know silly me right? There is a reason I did this and continue to enforce an equal schedule while paying her full child support which she doesn't spend in the interest of our kid…
/r/Divorce_Men22/12/24 08:45 PM
0

Legal gets VERY expensive in many states that force the man to pay for the woman's lawyer when she is a stay at home mom. Unless you got millions in asserts and hundreds of thousands in liquid, legal is often not the thing you should be willing to try. Nothing emotional about this. This is the cold hard fact. Don't do it unless you're in the position for it. Many men think the law will divide 50/50 and you can fight for your 50% forgetting that you may and likely will be on the hook for her lega…
/r/Divorce_Men22/12/24 08:21 PM
1

And remember. As soon as she lawyers up it's over for you. Try for a mediator. In your case with a wife who don't work and seemingly anable to make good decisions, a mediator is the best bet.
/r/Divorce_Men22/12/24 07:57 PM
1

She will get half of your investments that you made after marriage. That includes properties, crypto, savings in accounts that were set up after marriage and any money that was taken from your personal account and transferred into post marital investments. Your house you purchased before marriage will remain yours as long as she was never on the deed. She will get some credit over 10 years of "contributing to it". So if you want to settle without a protracted and very expensive court battle, you…
/r/Divorce_Men22/12/24 07:52 PM
1

That's not sound advice though. It may be but it may be terrible advice also. Too many factors involved. Take me for example. I left a lying cheat who still lies to date constantly. How could I stay in such conditions? That would be incredibly stupid and bad for the kids. You're trying to leave the house for a reason. Losing access to kids and to your home is not enough of an argument to stay in a volatile situation. So this advice is not one to be given without alot of consideration and In dept…
/r/Divorce_Men22/12/24 07:45 PM
1

Tell us more please. Like what to do to make a judge act against a woman who lies with impunity. Say the judge knows her to be a pathological liar. How would you go about having him look at the countless lies at trial. I am tired of the court clerk circle jerk.
/r/Divorce_Men22/12/24 05:05 PM
4

I went to hell voluntarily to leave my liar and cheater stbx. Hardest thing I did and almost failed many times. 3 years after I left, I am a success story with a new life and family, and she stuck with some dude she just met who has screwed up everything for her. The kids hate him and almost left to stay with me permanently. The only reason they have not is because I did not encourage that and I told them to stay as they are 50/50. She still lies to everyone. She is a detestable character. Her o…
/r/Divorce_Men22/12/24 03:42 PM
6

My liar and cheater of an X met a new guy in March and moved him into what is still my house (deeded to me for now) with my 3 kids. Within months I realize the guy is a moron. He would do things to posture for my viewing pleasure. Like walk my son out to my car holding his bag then shake my hand. It seems inocent and respectful but I knew immediately he is a posturing idiot with a tendency to lie also. I pulled him aside soon enough and let him know gently that I am not the guy and posturing for…
/r/Divorce_Men22/12/24 03:38 PM
1

That's not abandonment to move out. That is called sparing the children of the acrimony. You don't get custody immediately by having the man move out either. It takes time. The man has every right to see the kids half the time as long as the kids are willing. More than half the time if the kids are willing. Tying the house to your access to kids is a bit silly for older kids. Definitely when kids are little, leaving the home may be problematic but nowhere near the danger of staying in a volatile…
/r/Divorce_Men22/12/24 03:16 PM
2

My kids are older. All was going well. All the CPS visits were unfounded. In March she meets a new guy and moves him into what is still my home deeded to me within weeks. Few months later all my kids come to me with problems over the new guy. He tried to alienate me hard. Then he tried to alienate my wife's siblings. Then her mom. Her entire family goes through me to see the kids now. I make a passing comment to them about their behavior. The call the cops with lies one day. Then again the next …
/r/Divorce_Men22/12/24 02:29 PM
0

Why? For what reason? For her to spend thousands on exclusive use application and for him to pay for it? Dude don't listen to these people. If she is lying and manipulating you (and is sounds like she is big time) you will suffer greatly while there. You already left and it sounds like you are in the beginning phases. Do not go back to a manipulative liar. That is a disease that can not be fixed. Many here will tell you to go back there because you will lose the kids and the house. You will lose…
/r/Divorce_Men22/12/24 02:15 PM
1

What? Why? She is lying and manipulating him
/r/Divorce_Men22/12/24 02:08 PM
1

Wow interesting. She is lying. She is manipulating you and it will get worse before it gets better (for you alone in a better life). I had my own story with many similarities. I didn't have a gambling problem or financial difficulties. Didnt reconcile after she cheated. I just left when I found the cheating and subsequent Lying. 3 years later she called the cops and sherrifs on me 7 times now and is facing being outed a liar at trial soon. You should run. Fix your life. Fix your addiction
/r/Divorce_Men22/12/24 02:04 PM
1

A poor man is one that hardly strived and invested for better. Kids and family dont generally make you poor. It's a lack of effort that will do that to you.
/r/Divorce_Men21/12/24 04:13 PM
3

If you are asking for the meaning of life now it's because you havent figured out yet, that you have to put meaning into it. Next 18 years are not ruined. You have 18 years to improve everyone and everything around you. That's a really awesome goal
/r/Divorce_Men21/12/24 04:06 PM
1

People can be evil yes. What are you afraid of here? Why do you think you have anxiety?
/r/Divorce_Men21/12/24 03:49 PM
1

Sounds like you had a wife who was a liar and did something terrible and now the boys are experiencing what was predicted? Did I get that right?
/r/Divorce_Men20/12/24 01:59 PM
1

That sounds provocative.
/r/Divorce_Men20/12/24 12:56 PM
6

Also if you want to get him riled up, just wait, let him get close, then remind him what a real father is capable of. They want you to screw up. One complaint and you will have an order against you and it will be much more difficult to see your young kids. You have a decade ahead before your young kids are old enough to know you and real love of a father. You want to end your chances early? Your chance for real vengeance? Violence don't make you a man. It's your ability to remain calm in the fac…
/r/Divorce_Men19/12/24 01:12 AM
3

What if you knew, within a few short years you can; Find trust again, Rid yourself of the guilt you might be carrying, Find hope, Discover how to add meaning to life instead of finding the meaning in it, Find love, Start a new life, Find a new purpose, In the end realize that the worst liar of your life made you honestly happy, That the system she weaponized against you has no sway over your kids. Only you do. When you stumble and fall you will get up and take more steps forward. It's ok to be a…
/r/Divorce_Men19/12/24 12:58 AM
2

Only if they are abandoned. You can face a horrible judge but that's a concern decided by God / luck
/r/Divorce_Men18/12/24 03:31 PM
3

If you make her leave the home, this will play against you potentially. You will have to pay child support even if you make the same in most or all states. The non moneyed spouse will receive child support. So even if she makes a little less than you, depending on your state, she will be seen as the defector conservator even if you split custody even Steven. So don't worry about her financial future. Worry about yours.
/r/Divorce_Men18/12/24 01:53 PM
5

You think this is the top of crazy ideas? Prepare yourself. She will try to restrict your access in her insane bid to "keep him safe". Your job is simple. It's not to fight her. It's to show him how wrong she is. You're free to be and do as you please. Remember the court system is only powerful while your child is young. At a certain age, the system loses all control and so does his mom.
/r/Divorce_Men18/12/24 01:47 PM
1

If you're unable to pay child support, the judge may consider siding with the custodial parent. So let's say you are below the line of poverty. No fault of you alone. You don't have to pay child support but you have equity. That's not a position you want to find yourself in. As long as you can pay child support, you can take half the equity and half the kids. It's the way this system works sometimes for better or worse
/r/Divorce_Men17/12/24 11:12 PM
2

It feel like your asking "what's the meaning to life"? You have to give it meaning.....
/r/Divorce_Men17/12/24 04:38 AM
1

The judges order is only as good as your ability to fund a lawyer and escallate it.
/r/Divorce_Men16/12/24 09:45 PM
5

She is 5 years your senior with kids. You're going against the grain here. I respect it and personally would nit think twice about being involved with an older woman with kids however I think you understand it's likely short term? If you're after a happy and stable long lasting relationship, an older woman with kids is an up river swim
/r/Divorce_Men14/12/24 06:29 PM
2

You are married 15 months. You owe her nothing but what you accrued over that period. Everything you had before is separate property. Any appreciation over 15 months is communal. Your offer was very generous. You will likely have to pay for her lawyer in part. If she don't work at all, and you were married 15 months, a fair judge may assign 15 months of lawyers fees. But this is going to be your highest cost. The 2 lawyers. As for your separate property before marriage, it's all yours A judge wi…
/r/Divorce_Men14/12/24 06:23 PM
5

Same with me. Mine is a pathological liar and cheater. I send my kids back there to her on her parenting time and I am praying she doesn't do more stupid than already.
/r/Divorce_Men14/12/24 06:18 PM
1

How was the DV dismissed? With prejudice or without? Did you prove it a lie? How much was a lie? I have a similar story. Wife filed DV 3 years after the fact. I proved most of her complaint a lie. Judge told her to withdraw with prejudice. She offered to withdraw without prejudice. I declined and requested it to go to trial. Can you shed some light,?
/r/Divorce_Men14/12/24 02:09 PM
2

I am going to find out soon I am curious what your situation was. Was there lying and weaponizing the system involved? How much lying was there?
/r/Divorce_Men13/12/24 11:41 PM
3

You sound sooo familiar. ;)
/r/Divorce_Men13/12/24 11:34 PM
3

As long as there was no deceit, I believe you are doing the right thing. If deceit was employed, then you are doing yourself a disservice. You're delaying your stay in hell if deceit was involved. Sounds like you both kept it honest and that's a blessing.
/r/Divorce_Men13/12/24 02:27 PM
10

I couldn't stay. I left promptly into the depths of hell. I returned a year later a foot taller and with a new life and vigor. Now 3 years later she is facing trial for all the lies and deceits and I live walking distance away with my new family. My kids love the proximity. I never understood why men stay for the sake of having a roof over their heads and not to lose custody. If your wife lies, you leave. That was my understanding all along. I acted in my best interest and in the interest of the…
/r/Divorce_Men13/12/24 02:09 PM
6

You can erase them. You have to pray for them to vanish. And they will
/r/Divorce_Men13/12/24 12:59 PM
6

I did too That lasted a few weeks. Then her sister gave me the 90% of the puzzle I was missing. That my soon to be X is a pathological liar. And boom just like that the despair turned to repair. Then I got laid again and again. And the loneliness got easier. Then she kept on lying and never stopped. Then she called CPS again and again. The unfounded reports turned on the hate. Then she called the cops and the Sherriffs countless times and then filed a false restraining order. Then the hate joine…
/r/Divorce_Men13/12/24 12:57 PM
1

Low conflict high lies is my X. Would you rather some restraining orders and police action with no communication? As your kids age, they determine whom to stay with and how often. I look forward to the day all communication and transactions stop.
/r/Divorce_Men13/12/24 03:24 AM
5

What if you had knowledge that your kids love you and this system is a farce created for the sole purpose to get your money into lawyers and judges? Would it make you feel better? About a year ago I realized something. A system that allows a compulsive and pathological liar, to make proven false complaints, allegations, petitions, police reports, CPS and restraining orders, is a system that rewards liars. What if you knew this for a fact. How would it change your mood as it relates to this proce…
/r/Divorce_Men12/12/24 01:03 PM
2

Remember that phrase. Be brutally honest with yourself and any inquiring minds who may punish you for it. While you may be seen as arrogant in court for being honest with impunity, she may be seen as a pathological liar with impunity. I don't have to tell you which is better. Remember this is a farce. These agents of state are only here for the money. They don't give a dime about your kids. If they did they would criminalized lying in an affidavit or on the stand. Lying is not frowned upon becau…
/r/Divorce_Men11/12/24 01:45 PM
1

Courts are powerless when it comes to morality. They can only enforce payment, orders and protect from violence. A few days ago I proved once again that my wife is a manipulative liar and this time blackmailed my kids into giving her new verbally abusive boyfriend a 2nd chance. She threatened to return their puppy unless they apologized to him and told the child lawyer that they are not angry at him anymore. The child lawyer just shrugged her shoulders and told me there is nothing she can do bec…
/r/Divorce_Men11/12/24 01:14 PM
2

That's awesome your older son stayed with you in such conditions. I had the same. My older son stayed half the time with me in squalor. Your story has many similarities. I am 3 years into divorce. My x is a proven pathological liar. I proved it in court and they did nothing. I proved to the child lawyer she has blackmailed my kids into allowing the verbally abusive boyfriend to stay after they all came to her and let her know what he was saying and doing. They threw up their hands and in unison …
/r/Divorce_Men11/12/24 12:26 PM
3

Half of 20 years is 10 years If she is staying at home mom then he would pay her at least 10k for 10 years in alimony. Sounds like the judge did the math here based on a large income disparity. Instead of offering the husband to pay for her college, and for her to go work full time, the judge decided to let her do nothing.
/r/Divorce_Men11/12/24 12:46 AM
1

Primary is the person who takes care of them the most. How that's decided can go many ways
/r/Divorce_Men10/12/24 02:29 AM
4

How old are the kids? Who is has been the primary caregiver?
/r/Divorce_Men09/12/24 06:46 PM
1

This is a common tactic. Lawyers lie. This wouldn't be enough to clear you however. Just because on Monday she showed Interest but on Friday she was scared, does not prove you're innocent. When it comes to restraining orders, these are generally litigious when they are part of a divorce. For example my wife is a pathological liar with a compulsion to it. Her 2 page complaint was mostly lies. The one actionable item "he tried to choke me in my sleep" was veiled in other lies. She said that we wer…
/r/Divorce_Men07/12/24 01:15 PM
2

Were you able to prove that the actionable offense (he harassed me at my porch) was clouded in yet another lie? The actionable part is her word against hers. You have to prove she lied ALOT in her complaint. Otherwise the order sticks. Proving a few inaccuracies in her complaint is not enough. You have to prove her pathological. Otherwise the judge is just protecting himself. He don't know either of you. It's not personal for the judge.
/r/Divorce_Men07/12/24 12:23 AM
2

If she is on the deed then you split it all down the middle. Your 75k comes off the top if you sell. If she stays there and you move, then she has to give you half of the downpayment and buy you out of the appreciation, assuming there are no other asserts to split. Many ways to settle these claims. If she can't pay then you lien on the house until the kids are old enough then force the sale assuming she gets exclusive use. My wife did that and I didn't object as I was living in nearby roach mote…
/r/Divorce_Men06/12/24 03:07 PM
4

Very common. Its either a sign of things to come or something that needs a conversation. In a contentious divorce it's best to "let sleeping dogs lie". Disregard it if it gets to be pathological. Grey rock method and all
/r/Divorce_Men06/12/24 02:56 PM
1

That varies a lot. Some yes some no. But that blanket statement is not right.
/r/Divorce_Men04/12/24 12:55 PM
1

I don't understand #6 Doesn't sound right especially for people who adopt kids.
/r/Divorce_Men04/12/24 01:04 AM
8

The best revenge is a cold shoulder and amnesia about who and what she was. You're not getting revenge. She is loving the fact that she still has you messed up. Want revenge? Hand over that money with a smile and when she takes it, remember that she taking money from the man she threw into the garbage. Smile and be happy. That will right your ship and it's the best revenge. Healthiest for you as well. You're not thinking healthy or rational now. It's not a good look on you. It shows you have bee…
/r/Divorce_Men03/12/24 03:14 PM
1

Domestic violence and restraining order are also in some family court division until found guilty. But in this case her complaint was remanded back to our divorce judge. Courts do this on purpose I think because most of these women with their "silver bullet" accusations are often eggregious lies when it happens during custody battles. In my case the court is well aware of her reputation to "bend the truth". Unfortunately in many or all states, the DV entry stays and prevents the father from volu…
/r/Divorce_Men02/12/24 02:14 AM
1

They are a bit young. If they were older they would be more likely to make decisions for equal parenting time. 3 years ago my youngest at the time 6yo wanted to stay with mom mostly. Today he is adamant for an equal split. Time was on my side. Everyone told me to hurry up and settle. Even the court clerk tried to twist my arm for a 60/40 split and I refused (he remembers that well). My stalling and not accepting anything less than a 50/50 split resulted in alot of good luck and the outcome is ph…
/r/Divorce_Men01/12/24 10:30 PM
1

How old are the kids?
/r/Divorce_Men01/12/24 10:14 PM
2

Co-parenting is only a useable terms when you have a decent relationship with the X. Judging by how she used the word "visit" it seems like she is assuming the dad is just a sperm donor and she is the parent.
/r/Divorce_Men01/12/24 03:31 PM
1

Visit? You're not visiting. You are going to be their parent half the time presumably. You are visiting as much as she is. To answer your question: Stay out of her home. Dont go there unless you have no lies, no strife and no potential for any. It sounds odd the way she coined "visiting". I would be furious if that language was used. You are not visiting. You are exercising your parenting time. That means you are her equal in every way and she has no right to know what who and where. Make sure t…
/r/Divorce_Men01/12/24 03:27 PM
3

Why the change of heart? Did she find a new dude who used her and dumped her? Did she realize that this world isn't as peachy as she thought it was before marriage? Were there lies and deceit? If yes then proceed with confidence. Do not stay and make up or consider counseling. Once there are lies and deceit, that's the end.
/r/Divorce_Men01/12/24 02:50 PM
1

Why are you asking for permission? It sounds like you don't love her. When you split you will lose the dead weight In your life but you will also lose half your kids and half of all you made and own. That's your decisions. And if her fatness is the only thing in the way then put her on munjaro or whatever.
/r/Divorce_Men01/12/24 02:16 PM
1

I did it at about 9 months. We went camping together like a blended family. It turned out far better than I expected. 3 years later things are great and all the kids are happy despite my x being a pathological liar and sending cops and sherrifs to my home 5x times now on more lies more deceit and more evil plots. Don't tell the X. None of her business. In general the kids should know she is not to question them about their time with you. Because she will and she will twist their minds about it a…
/r/Divorce_Men01/12/24 02:11 PM
2

How old are the kids? If they are young then you will need to buy time (don't settle for less than true half). If they are older then the decisions about splitting time will be up to them and not up to some agent of the government.
/r/Divorce_Men01/12/24 02:07 PM
3

That won't stop them from escalating and making the non custodial parent take a loan.
/r/Divorce_Men01/12/24 12:56 AM
3

Dude youre in a good place. However if you don't settle, they may request forensics. These are strangers who decide how to write up your agreement and you will be spending a shit tonne of money. This is where I am heading now. Stbx is a pathologic liar caught red handed in an eggregious case of alienation and countless false CPS and police and restraint order. Creamed in court. Instead of slapping her with a law book they will just admonish her and force me to pay 60% of the future legal expense…
/r/Divorce_Men01/12/24 12:35 AM
1

Don't be scared and don't get kicked out. Leave voluntarily AFTER talking to a few lawyers (never one). There are reasons to leave and reasons to stay. I left when I should have stayed however this strategic mistake was my godsend.
/r/Divorce_Men30/11/24 01:38 PM
1

That would be against your best interests. Move on and quickly. She is dead to you if she lied/cheated or manipulated you.
/r/Divorce_Men30/11/24 01:31 AM
3

My stbx and her new boyfriend told my kids that I tried to kill her 3 years ago. Few months later she started calling cops and filed a restraining order. I proved it a premeditated lie with her own text messages from 3 years ago and more recent without a doubt. Court clerk told her to withdraw. She refused. She is a well known compulsive liar and manipulator and cheater. The court knows. Her family knows and goes through me to see the kids. It's really bad and the lies are eggregious. Nobody car…
/r/Divorce_Men30/11/24 01:23 AM
1

In most states the court will enforce the status quo. The formulas for child support change when you pay both child support and maintenance. Alone it can be 20- 30% or so from your income for child support. Maintenance can be more depending on if she works or not and what the status quo has been. Combined it would never be more than like 50%. In some cases if you have no kids and been . Married for over 15 years, the court will do 50% for maintenance alone for half the term of your marriage if i…
/r/Divorce_Men29/11/24 11:50 PM
1

She was violent (not enough to charge her) not that I considered charging her. Yes I had enough help and money to get on with my new life. When it comes to a stay at home mom, certainly not leaving is a strong consideration. You're not wrong but definitely context is needed. If I followed your advice I believe it would have turned out much worse for me. That's all I am saying.
/r/Divorce_Men29/11/24 07:30 PM
3

Your X is sick in the head. She enjoys toying with you. She enjoys your reactions or lack there of. One day she may return. You will forget the past and accept her with open arms. Many years will pass. You will even have kids. Eventually that pathological nature of hers will return and she will abuse you again. This time more sinister. This time with constant lies and manipulations. This time you won't climb out of the hole you dug for yourself. Next time it will take years not weeks/months and …
/r/Divorce_Men29/11/24 02:46 PM
2

I like everything you said and it's all my story ironically but I really think you should expand on the "once you're out" part. I am that example of what happens once your out. You called it exactly right. All of your bullet points are on point. That's exactly what happen to me. However it was the leaving part and becoming the weekends dad, that allowed me to claw my way back from zero to hero. I feel it's a much worse process to stay in a vile environment. That slowburn fall to zero and eventua…
/r/Divorce_Men29/11/24 02:38 PM
2

That's nonsense. the only reason for a relationship to fail is lies. If you lie to her then it will fail. You cheating on her mom won't don't it alone. You don't need to worry about that as long as you didn't lie and you don't lie again if you did
/r/Divorce_Men29/11/24 02:23 PM
4

Actually your cell provider stores these texts but only releases them when in court. You should call them
/r/Divorce_Men29/11/24 02:15 PM
1

That sounds identical to my process except the last part. I did not want to be alone so I started a new fam
/r/Divorce_Men29/11/24 02:12 PM
13

If you're falsely accused of something more serious, you should never return or have physical contact with that person. Never set foot in their home and generally cut them out like cancer. In your case the serious accusations have not happen (yet). I also was accused of neglect, endangerment and again neglect. All CPS reports came back unfounded. A year later cops and sherrifs are at my door 5x now all false accusations and lies which are going to crush her at trial. It's not your job to help yo…
/r/Divorce_Men28/11/24 07:21 PM
2

Great question one that I faced few years back. I left a home deeded to me after I found out my wife is a pathological liar and cheat. Stayed in hotels for 5 months with limited access to kids (self imposed). First I moved into a 1BR 400sf roach motel on a main road 1 mile away. That wasn't a great place and kids didn't like it. Only my middle son stayed over religiously half the time. That helped me alot. 10 months later i moved in with my GF and her 2 kids 10 miles away. That was a little bett…
/r/Divorce_Men28/11/24 04:30 PM
3

Yeah that's the story often for no reason at all. When 2 good people collide often the result is in favor of one not the other usually the woman
/r/Divorce_Men28/11/24 04:14 PM
2

Happen to me the first year. I started a new family in the mean time. She was outed as a compulsive liar over the years. Now we split holidays nicely. The trick is to have full access to communicate to the kids. If they are too young then it's not possible. Once they have a cell then nobody can block you or sever your ties. Even the courts can't do anything to limit your interaction with them
/r/Divorce_Men28/11/24 04:12 PM
13

I coped real well real fast with other women. Those thoughts vanished overnight. I recommend you find a woman for better or worse for now or ferever
/r/Divorce_Men28/11/24 02:47 AM
1

In my state it's voluntary unless the kid is an olympian. In your case it sounds like your kids are very involved so that may be the reason for the money split. But it can be something you simply take upon yourself to your own advantage
/r/Divorce_Men27/11/24 05:34 PM
2

Btw why do you force her to contribute to this sport? If it's so important to you and not to her just take on that responsibility and let her off the hook. Tell your kids that you pay for it exclusively and all decisions go through you with that regard.
/r/Divorce_Men27/11/24 05:11 PM
2

In this case given you are the proponent and she is fake, I see no reason for you to go if you don't want to. You're not hurting yourself at all by avoiding it. I don't always agree with people who say "you have to go to their events". I would like to avoid my x at all costs and so i do often. Let her attend. Eventually she will bring her boyfriend on her time maybe. Then maybe on your time also. Then you really have to play the game.
/r/Divorce_Men27/11/24 05:02 PM
1

I pay the same for 3 kids and have them 50/50. I didn't start at 50/50. Over the years I made progress and started a new fam. Moved to better living conditions and closer to "homebase" (still my home deeded to me). Her charges resulted in her being admonished by the magistrates clerk and the child lawyer. They already know her to be less than honest. The domestic violence judge didn't even want to hear the case and asked the family court judge to handle it (in my favor I think). You don't get a …
/r/Divorce_Men27/11/24 04:55 PM
2

So far I am in almost 40k all in. Including other factors like property appraisals and multiple discoveries requested by her. That's 2 years and about a dozen court clerk meets and a dozen more adjournment. A child lawyer for nearly 2 years (she has been a godsend) and 5 police interractions and 3 unfounded CPS reports. I have been able to avoid total escalation by NOT filing any motions or charges. I have been in then defensive seat for 2 years and filed 3 years ago prepping myself for the fist…
/r/Divorce_Men27/11/24 04:39 PM
2

My stbx just called sherrifs for what she says happen 3 years ago. Had my guns taken away Infront of 5 kids. She told them all that I tried to kill her 3 years ago. I now proved her a liar with her own text messages and awaiting trial to get it not only thrown out but also with prejudice (she can't ever say this again). Be careful
/r/Divorce_Men27/11/24 04:29 PM
1

I like that. I have let most of her crimes go. This last one is a big one
/r/Divorce_Men27/11/24 04:16 PM
2

Be careful. She sounds like she is being steering by a lawyer shark into escalating. Next she will accuse you of domestic violence when all else fails.
/r/Divorce_Men27/11/24 03:48 PM
1

She and her BF told the kids I tried to kill her and that he is there to protect all of them. It all collapsed for her but I am trying to prevent her from ever using domestic violence claim again. And she is refused to admit lying despite me showing her lawyer and court clerk the undeniable proof that she made it all up. Now I need to decide if I should take to trial or let her withdraw without admitting guilt
/r/Divorce_Men27/11/24 03:41 PM
1

How did you deal in court with the pathological liar? Is there anything you could have done different to save from escalating? I am dealing with a TRO. I proved it totally false. She was told to withdraw. She don't want to unless it's without admitting guilt. I am asking to take it to trial so that she can never say this crap again and so my kids know it was a lie she made up with her boyfriend. The kids already know but I want to make sure there is 0 doubt.
/r/Divorce_Men27/11/24 03:25 PM
1

The opinions here are often biased. More often this is a place to come when you need legal aid more than advice imo. How is it in chille? What do you like there? Does the elevation affect you?
/r/Divorce_Men27/11/24 02:31 PM
2

Depends. If you're not getting along or she starts lying then she will get exclusive use. I left voluntarily a house deeded to me. I kept another property. She filed for exclusive use. I didn't fight it. You probably shouldn't either considering she filed. Forget your silverware. Some people here will tell you not to leave. And they have very valid points. If you can live together without fighting or worse then you should. If not then leave
/r/Divorce_Men27/11/24 01:10 PM
0

You have not gotten laid by another woman? Get to it. It will cure everything
/r/Divorce_Men27/11/24 01:07 PM
1

She lied often?
/r/Divorce_Men27/11/24 01:01 PM
2

Can you tell me more about the false TRO? I am in it now and caught her lying bad. The judge told her to withdraw with prejudice. She offered without prejudice. I am hung on forcing her to withdraw with prejudice. She told the new boyfriend that I tried to kill her. He then told the kids. The kids know they are lying and told me. I knew she was going to file and I waited. I proved premediation and all the lies in her statement. What do I do now? Seems like we are in the same state
/r/Divorce_Men27/11/24 12:55 PM
4

My stbx lied, cheated repeatedly, manipulated and deceived me. Then she lied more, tracked me after I left my own home and kids, stole a quarter million in cash when she realized I am dating and in a serious relationship. It got worse until the relationship grew to a new family and the kids decided they wanted an equal split. Now she is facing the judge for her lies and deceit and the recent false police reports and subsequent false restraining order. You will be fine just tell the truth always
/r/Divorce_Men27/11/24 12:49 PM
1

You don't have to respond after the custody agreement is done. You don't have to respond much if your kids are old enough to decide because the child lawyer will go with whatever custody arrangement the kids want. This whole thing of "coparent or else" is really an empty threat often. These people in the court clerk circle jerk are basically powerless after a certain age. Your agreement today will be null and void when they are teens. It will be up to the kids anyways. Don't sweat co-parenting t…
/r/Divorce_Men27/11/24 12:39 PM
5

Don't escallate. Just don't reply to anything unrelated to kids
/r/Divorce_Men27/11/24 12:24 PM
8

If you stayed with her, you will always be looking over your shoulder. It will take a year before you might smile and sleep well. Another year before the panic attacks go away. A few more years before you forgive and forget but you will always hate yourself for staying with a cheater and the memory will come back sometimes to often. Eventually she will cheat again. Maybe she won't stop and start lying. Move on and quickly. Go dating and enjoy. Thank her for being honest with you also. That's a d…
/r/Divorce_Men27/11/24 12:22 PM
6

Your daughter is exposed to your wife who sings a song in her ear. There is not much you can do. The only thing you can do, is give her a better life with you. Kids (girls in partical) can be very self centered. Some will grow out of that. Others will remain that way. You can have a convo about this but at the end of the day she will want to stay where she is most comfortable and this is not uncommon. I was in a similar situation. I I climbed out of roach motels and began dating, I found myself …
/r/Divorce_Men27/11/24 12:15 PM
5

Exactly what I did. Left my own house for the benefit of my kids. Left her all the stuff in it. Went to live in motels for 5 months where I almost erased myself. Took me a year to get out of the hell I placed myself in. In the end she moved her new boyfriend into what is still deeded to me. He then began to alienate me from my kids in my own house. They told me everything. He then began calling the cops on me and she filed a restraining order claiming I almost killed her 3 years ago. I proved he…
/r/Divorce_Men26/11/24 12:34 PM
2

Your plan is not how lawyers make money. Your plan maybe to limit your expenses and settle amicably but lawyers don't get paid like this. They only make money when they can convince your counterpart that she got a raw deal. They don't have to be truthful. A lawyer can say what is possible, it doesn't have to be likely
/r/Divorce_Men26/11/24 12:23 PM
3

You have to have a custody plan and financial agreement. You can make your own but that's best done with a mediator
/r/Divorce_Men26/11/24 03:35 AM
3

What makes you think your fair amount is her definition? You have to talk to feel her out.
/r/Divorce_Men26/11/24 03:34 AM
2

Depends on the state. In some states you're not paying enough. The house is a liability you both signed up for. The courts may use half the carried costs to reduce your child support obligation which may be near 40k pretax per year if you earn more than her and earn low 6 figures.
/r/Divorce_Men26/11/24 03:33 AM
2

Kids are very young. In many states child support is based upon who makes less rather than how many overnights you have. So even if you have equal overnights you will likely still pay child support. Unless you can prove without a doubt she makes alot of cash on the side, I wouldn't muddy the waters. Tell her you didn't even mention her cash biz and that you just want to finish this without lawyers escalating. They will anyways but you should try to settle out of court.
/r/Divorce_Men26/11/24 03:28 AM
2

None of this matters unless she accuses you of harming the kids with your drinking or starts lying to the court. Move on from this unless you want to escallate. If you earn more then you pay child support. Alot of people will tell you not to move. She is intent on you moving and she will get her way by hook or by crook. Invest in yourself and rebuild. Enjoy the good times. Take care of the kids
/r/Divorce_Men26/11/24 03:19 AM
1

Do you work? What is the income disparity? How old are the kids?
/r/Divorce_Men26/11/24 03:14 AM
1

You will not get to decide how she spends the money. You hand the money over and piss off. Then on your time, nobody pays you child support and you have to provide all the same things with some exception. That's how the courts got this set up. The most absurd system meant to suck you dry in court and after. So if she wanted to spend your 2000$ per month stipend for child support on junk food, hair, nails, trips or even her boyfriend, there is very little you can do about it. The cost to litigate…
/r/Divorce_Men25/11/24 05:01 PM
1

Wow that's tough to process. First she is abroad and you're contemplating serving her abroad? Are you certain she will return? Is the country she is in now, set up for reciprocal laws? (Hague convention). Staying together for the sake of a child is a silly idea. You will have a very difficult time taking custody of a 9 month old from a mother who is mentally right. She will likely get you for child support and maintenance. You will likely have to give her atleast 20% or your gross income plus ab…
/r/Divorce_Men25/11/24 03:31 PM
1

Somebody voted for a socialist and calls Fox News fake news.... Now that's ironic
/r/Divorce_Men25/11/24 03:24 PM
1

The best way to secure a 50/50 split is for your child to want that. In a contested divorce the child lawyer will ask the child what they want. If the child says "I want to stay with mom" then there is nothing you can do and nothing you should do, other than fix your life and give her the idea that maybe she is wrong and staying with dad is super fun. There are many ways to accomplish this.
/r/Divorce_Men25/11/24 03:22 PM
1

She does this on purpose. Some women have this pathology. Like "look at my man and look how much he loves me". I have the same now. Stbx liar found a dude who needs a green card, moved him in within weeks, and months later he starts trashtaking me to my kids. It turned out very bad for her as she is now going to face forensics and potentially loss of residential custody. We now split custody evenly and she may lose in court as a result of the mooch she has domesticated in my own home still deede…
/r/Divorce_Men25/11/24 01:06 PM
2

More to come from you it seems. I am in year 3 and just now facing forensics. It's funny my stbx don't realize that I already lost everything when i moved out of my own home and Into roach motels. She is the one that can lose residential custody here. Nothing they can do to me at this point.
/r/Divorce_Men25/11/24 12:30 AM
1

Nicely done I operate principal also but it will cost to be principled
/r/Divorce_Men25/11/24 12:26 AM
1

Nice but what did it get you to have her recognized as a liar? Nothing right? She got away clean and you both had to pay for trial.
/r/Divorce_Men24/11/24 11:48 PM
1

This is a tough one. They will likely assign forensics to determine if you can't hash out an agreement with her before that.
/r/Divorce_Men24/11/24 11:47 PM
1

Worse She started innovating what she likes in bed 3 years ago. I played along for months. I found out she was cheating with numerous partners. Now 3 years later she said I tried to choke her in her sleep and that we were not sexually active in the same sentence in a sworn complaint. I proved that a lie and that we were undeniably sexually active and that I never ever hurt her. Now she has to withdraw what she said as requested by the judge who already thinks she has an issue telling the truth. …
/r/Divorce_Men24/11/24 11:13 PM
3

Sounds like my life very much but you have much younger kids. Why do you want to fight for that extra day. ? What do you feel it will accomplish? In my state 50/50 doesn't change child support which is then given to the non moneyed spouse. Your kids are young and the courts will decide to leave them with the person who makes a e works the least most likely. There is a right time and place for everything. Duking it out for an extra day with such small kids is an uphill battle if they playing fiel…
/r/Divorce_Men24/11/24 10:33 PM
2

Dude you're in denial. She cheated on you then formed an open marriage and now left you with the kids. You have alot of luck.
/r/Divorce_Men24/11/24 10:27 PM
1

If and when she finds that man you will think different. Before she finds him, you will wonder when she will and if she did already. And after you will wonder why you stayed in such and environment
/r/Divorce_Men24/11/24 10:23 PM
2

I left and it was very difficult. The hardest thing I did in life and I came from a rough childhood. The reason why I feel it's best to just leave, applies to very contentious divorces. It's best to leave in this case
/r/Divorce_Men24/11/24 07:52 PM
1

if you want it to stay this way then I suggest you let the ring go
/r/Divorce_Men24/11/24 07:27 PM
1

In general no there is no advantage however it can be. Say your stbx is a liar and cheater. You can use this to your advantage when she starts lying in court where you filing first reinforces your petition/motion.
/r/Divorce_Men24/11/24 06:56 PM
2

Let it go. Most states see it as a gift. If this goes to trial this may be seen as trivial.
/r/Divorce_Men24/11/24 06:53 PM
2

What does her new BF have to do with it? What makes you think a judge will hear his opinion?
/r/Divorce_Men24/11/24 06:48 PM
1

Dont retain lawyer. Go consult one Pay for his time to write out a 50/50 offer. Propose the offer to your wife without lawyering up first. Once you retain lawyer she will too and they only make money by escalating. Be strategic. There is no rush.
/r/Divorce_Men24/11/24 06:46 PM
2

I really like all your advice but the "don't leave the house but" needs to have added context. This part is a bad idea if there is acrimony. It's a good idea when it's civil and normal and people can recover under the same roof. When there is acrimony, the man should leave the home always assuming it's final and divorce is 100% certain
/r/Divorce_Men24/11/24 04:10 PM
2

This is tough to read. I too have 3 kids in a very contentious and bitter divorce. I filed 3 years ago when I realized she is a compulsive liar and cheater. I did not stay in my own home. I left very quickly despite many advising not to. I stayed in motels for 5 months with very limited access to kids (self imposed). She did not alienate me much at first. She was generally good about keeping me in the picture. I found a new g.f. quickly with her own kids. Fast forward to now; I again live within…
/r/Divorce_Men24/11/24 04:03 PM
1

Hustle all night? I hope the legal way. You are clearly still giving it you're working day and night. I too dint like people after my traumatic marriage and end. I hated dating. I hated the hundreds of pointless conversations. It was so daunting. It worked out for me very well when I found a woman to trust and to love. And she had returned that much more than I gave. You have to keep hustling. Professionally and personally. Not really a choice. Especially if you have kids. It's imperative to fin…
/r/Divorce_Men24/11/24 12:38 PM
1

I know how you feel. I forced myself to get out there and find love and trust. It can be a good thing when you just give it away without expectation of a return
/r/Divorce_Men24/11/24 04:37 AM
3

I know this well. Going through it now. Courts told her to withdraw. She wants to without prejudice not with
/r/Divorce_Men24/11/24 03:01 AM
1

Unless you were married over 15 years then half the time. But you need to grind it out. Pick up side work if you can. Find a way to shift careers maybe. Get a PhD. Find a new woman who is productive.
/r/Divorce_Men21/11/24 12:17 PM
2

Nobody cares if you bought a laptop a phone and a treadmill and started going to the most expensive gym. Just like nobody cares if your ex drops 400 on hair and nails a month while claiming to have invested your child support on the kids future. It's a moot point to a degree. Forget it.
/r/Divorce_Men21/11/24 04:18 AM
3

You will pay for nearly half your marriage term as maintenance. You will pay also child support for the youngest. If you leave now assume you will give up half your salary for 6 years. Then maintenance for another 6. If you're in Nassau you have a better chance of the judge imputing income to stay at home mom. If you're wife never worked then Good luck. If she did and has a degree then you can impute income to her.
/r/Divorce_Men21/11/24 04:13 AM
2

Same here except it was my wife's texts from 3 years ago that solidified her character as a pathological liar. Her entire 2 page petition for TRO was a lie and I was able to prove many lies in it. She lost her mind when I proved the violence part a lie with her own text messages from 3 years ago. She didn't keep a copy but I did. Marc Twain said "a person who never lies never has to remember what they said". I have found the inverse of this in my stbx. Thank God for all the texts and me saving t…
/r/Divorce_Men20/11/24 05:10 PM
2

That's what I did too. Go by the ocean, go walk go hike. It was healthy but also unhealthy. The depression was made worse by self loathing. In hindsight I would advise against it and for proactive recovery. Get out there. Go clubbing barring pick up a hobby. Avoid depressive thoughts as best as you can. I didn't follow my own advice. The thoughts of erasing myself were constant the first year. Now 3 years later I got my kids back half the time and now about to seek custody. The slow burn and pla…
/r/Divorce_Men20/11/24 05:05 PM
1

I already knew she would have to withdraw once I read the TRO petition because it was mostly filled with lies that I can prove. She walked into court very confident after she filed. Had many demands. I sat and listened for a bit. Then I whipped out her own text messages from 3 years ago. That's when her mood changed. We left that day with her lawyer promising to withdraw with prejudice. The 2x violations after this meet were also lies. 1st violation wasn't a violation at all. 2nd was a lie she c…
/r/Divorce_Men20/11/24 12:36 PM
3

You're lucky In USA some states allow for half the marital term when over 15 years But yeah you got a raw deal. Grind it out for the next 4 years. Pick up some extra work on the side when kids aren't with you. Find a woman who works and start a new life maybe? You never know. That's what happen to me. 3 years ago I wanted to erase myself and from a pathological liar and cheat. 3 years later today, I am living it up, have more kids and a great woman who contributes more than my stbx ever did
/r/Divorce_Men20/11/24 12:55 AM
1

This may not be subject to your original agreement. This may be considered transmuted property or analog.
/r/Divorce_Men19/11/24 11:41 PM
3

-get a hobby or few -fail often but try again -join an activity with kids -try a woman with kids and an absent father Something along those lines?
/r/Divorce_Men19/11/24 11:37 PM
1

The spousal support is only a few years right?
/r/Divorce_Men19/11/24 11:33 PM
1

Question. In 50/50 split do you still pay child support to your lesser earning spouse? How did the 50/50 split affect child support.? In my state they award child support to the non-moneyed spouse even if it's a 50/50 split which I think is absurd
/r/Divorce_Men19/11/24 04:57 PM
3

It won't look good on you infront of the judge
/r/Divorce_Men19/11/24 04:55 PM
3

Perhaps lean on your family and tell her you dont want her money and cut her out of your life like cancer? You will be healed soon enough and hopefully move on and make what you need. Invest in yourself and a few years from now, not only will you be rid of 2x cancers but also have a new degree and perhaps a better career change? I went back for a 3rd degree (masters) in my 40s. It really helped my self worth career wise. I also enjoyed college alot in my 40s. Hope to hear from you with good news…
/r/Divorce_Men19/11/24 04:54 PM
2

I did have this added but reluctantly. The cat is out of the bag now and that mooch trash talking me was the best gift ever.
/r/Divorce_Men19/11/24 04:47 PM
3

She is really dumb. Also I am VERY lucky. Her own mother would testify for my side at this point. She is a terrible person. She finds solace in her new boyfriend who lives in my house, with my kids who hate him. The boyfriend got caught red handed alienating me. All the kids came to me to tell me what he is saying about me. I can't even take it to court because here, alienation must be successful in order to be actionable. I told him to come talk to me further away from the house. He turns aroun…
/r/Divorce_Men19/11/24 01:44 PM
1

I left my own home 3 years ago. Stayed in roach motels for a while. Went from rarely seeing my kids to now having them 50%. My stbx is known to be a compulsive liar. Her mom and siblings go through me to see the kids for this reason and others. I have not been totally silent. Inquiring minds get the truth from me. I don't hold back. She hates the fact that I can admit "my wife is a lying cheat" with a clear conscience. She believed I would be too embarrassed to say it out loud. She even tried to…
/r/Divorce_Men19/11/24 01:37 PM
2

I am the plaintiff in divorce and so far I have had to defend myself for years never making a single complaint. All her actions with me sitting on my hands waiting for the right time. It's the right time. Her own words will be served as testimony and now she will be cross examined for her egregious actions and lies. I am glad I waited so long. She became brazen over the years. Now with new boyfriend who is a total mooch, she feels empowered to lie and deceive even more. I believe the two of them…
/r/Divorce_Men19/11/24 01:32 PM
2

That's excellent. This is my plan now with prejudice. I am shocked how much they have allowed her to lie again and again throughout all the affidavits without ever remanding to trial. They just ignore her bullsheit and proceed to schedule the next court clerk circle jerk. Over a dozen meets now just to get updates. I spent 40k on lawyers now and only found lies and deceits finally starting to unravel her tangled web which was evident from the start.
/r/Divorce_Men19/11/24 01:13 PM
2

Jeez man that's really horrible. Your context makes me feel like I won the lotto here considering I not only got my kids back 50% but also found new love and new family in record time. I feel silly for posting this rant. How is your prognosis now? Are you in remission? How are you getting by now? Where are you living? Your daughter? What was your experience? You eluded to the acrimony but not the good stuff. I hope you have good stuff to tell. Same for me in many ways. Wife is a lying cheat who …
/r/Divorce_Men19/11/24 01:06 PM
1

Why didn't she show up? Because you could prove her a liar? Did you ever qualify to get her to pay for your expenses?
/r/Divorce_Men19/11/24 02:49 AM
1

I am approaching my limits here. Cops at my door 5x in a month.
/r/Divorce_Men19/11/24 01:27 AM
2

Yes I did. This cost near 10k in lawyers escalations. They took away my legally purchased rifles given a petition where it's hard to find some truth. The vast majority of her petition is a lie. She even tries to cover up for previous lies in the TRO petition. I don't even understand how she can do this with my own kids. She lies constantly.
/r/Divorce_Men19/11/24 01:25 AM
2

I don't want it to be dropped in lieu of any assets. I want her to be judged for lying repeatedly
/r/Divorce_Men19/11/24 01:03 AM
2

How did you win? What did you prove? How many lies did she tell?
/r/Divorce_Men19/11/24 12:51 AM
2

That's a great idea. I Floated it to my lawyer. He said Wait for the right time then file. It's all part of the record. The court will review it on a grand scale rather than one after another petition
/r/Divorce_Men19/11/24 12:17 AM
4

You're right. She called police the 1st time telling them I have illegal guns. The same guns she lived with for years. The guns I mentioned in discovery. When that didn't pan out she called me in for trespassing. When that didn't fly, she went to sherrifs accusing me of trying to hurt her 3 years ago. When I proved she made it up with her own text messages, she said I villatated the TRO and even that was a lie I proved. I really don't understand how the courts allow this.
/r/Divorce_Men19/11/24 12:15 AM
2

Tens of thousands to prove her a liar? I get no benefit other than being able to tell her and any inquiring mind that she lied to screw with me and my new family.
/r/Divorce_Men18/11/24 11:28 PM
5

It's not your confidence. You're not looking for hoes and your finding women who want to develop a conversation then friendship then romance. This takes a lot of time and requires followthrough
/r/Divorce_Men18/11/24 11:05 PM
2

When I realized my wife is a compulsive liar and cheater, I got a tattoo to remind me of the day I decided to bury who I knew for over 20 years and start a new life. Her picture don't bother me at all. Not a bit 3 years later.
/r/Divorce_Men18/11/24 11:01 PM
4

Lawyers make money by escalating problems. Remember that. Your best chance of success is knowing what to expect when you ask your lawyer a question. Take an interest in divorce law. Read your judges prior cases. Spend a thousand hours reading about cases and case law and you are golden. However being the most informed client won't help you if your wife is uninformed. It only takes 1 of 2 lawyers to escallate matters. So if you are not cordial with your wife then prepare to spend alot of money. A…
/r/Divorce_Men18/11/24 06:11 PM
1

This is silly. Why pay an attorney again to satisfy your own proclivity what has no actual impact on your bottom line? Yes it feels nice to not have any child support left. You're after a high here not rooted in any practicality.
/r/Divorce_Men18/11/24 05:40 PM
2

Wow that's foul
/r/Divorce_Men18/11/24 05:37 PM
2

You understand that footage of you being drunk even belligerent is irrelevant? Unless you hit her or harassed her, she can't do anything with it. If you did commit domestic violence then she can use it against you in court but NOT to benefit monetarily. Now if you wasted many thousands on getting drunk then the judge may award her some money. So unless you committed a crime during, acting like a drunk is not anything any judge will want to see.
/r/Divorce_Men18/11/24 05:36 PM
1

Your kids are super young also. This is going to be a problem for you considering she is a stay at home mom. I was in a worse situation. Lies deceits manipulation and eggregious cheating. The only things that saved me is that she makes about 60% of my wages and her entire family goes through me to see my kids who are tweens and teens. I moved out quickly and suffered daily panic attacks for the first year. Many people will tell you to stay and not leave until finalized. Here is what I will say: …
/r/Divorce_Men18/11/24 04:32 PM
4

That house she owned before marriage, which was sold and purchased another house, maybe comingled / transmuted funds. Your lawyer should know the difference. You should also know and read if you don't want to be jerked around by a lawyer. Once you have 1000 hours of reading divorce cases, you can consider yourself well informed. You should do that. Stall if you want to. You're in a good place actually being the non moneyed spouse. Are you on the deed of the current home? If yes then you take hal…
/r/Divorce_Men18/11/24 04:22 PM
4

If you want to do it amicably then agree to the 1 year of support and move on counting your blessings. If you were married to her for 15 years, she would take you for atleast 7 years plus half of everything.
/r/Divorce_Men18/11/24 04:18 PM
10

You're saying everything right. Here is what will happen if you move for work 1. She will inevitably get residential custody 2. She may likely get legal custody 3. She will likely take half of your pretax earnings. 4. Her being a stay at home mom will be the status quo If you stay near the kids she will still take nearly half of your pretax earnings but you have a great shot of securing 50% parenting time and joint legal. These are the worst types of women to divorce from. The stay at home moms …
/r/Divorce_Men18/11/24 04:14 PM
5

You have to get laid more and find love / trust again. As soon as that happens, you will forget she ever existed. I know this for a fact.
/r/Divorce_Men18/11/24 03:59 PM
1

Non moneyed spouse will ask for exclusive use anyways. Even in the rare instance that the courts don't make one or both vacate, staying has no potential to help the moneyed spouse. Staying in a home with acrimony is a bad idea.
/r/Divorce_Men18/11/24 02:19 AM
1

The problem is that you're there. That's why you record each other. I disagree with everyone who says you should stay. This is bad advice and you won't actually find any good reason to stay there. Even if you stay and fight for equal share of the kids, they will still award the non moneyed spouse the child support and you will have to leave anyways. I faced this also 3 years ago. I am really glad I left and didn't listen to advice. It made matters worse in the near term but in the long term a ye…
/r/Divorce_Men18/11/24 02:17 AM
2

For all the people who give advice "dont leave the house". This is a horrible thing to do. 1. She will get exclusive use anyways. Save yourself 10 hours of lawyers time 2. This don't affect custody. You won't go through custody anyways while living there most likely and by the time you leave, you may be starting your child lawyer visits and custody battle. Leave immediately an unwelcome space with acrimony. Work fast to right your ship and stall until you are in a good place to take custody or s…
/r/Divorce_Men18/11/24 02:14 AM
4

Or you might consider that your responsibility here is to be selfless and take care of those kids so that they don't suffer the loss of their father and beyond? So before you erase yourself, try doing the opposite and consider that you're acting and talking irrational. I look forward to seeing your success story here in a year. And it does take years. I know
/r/Divorce_Men18/11/24 01:22 AM
1

In many states if you split overnights equally, the non monied spouce gets child support. If she gets one extra overnight per year, then YOU pay child support. If your kids are old enough you can assume they will say 50/50 to the child lawyer. If that's the case then the child lawyer will make the same recommendation to the court. All you have to do is prove you are the non moneyed spouse. Here is my advice:. Get educated. Talk to a lawyer but don't hire one yet Talk to her and let her know what…
/r/Divorce_Men17/11/24 03:01 PM
2

Raise your kids, teach them right from wrong and enable them to be decent people then you can polish off your bottle and wonder about erasing yourself. Hopefully between now and then you meet a woman and find hope again. That's the secret sauce to life. Finding love and trust and a best friend. Get off your trip to sadness island. Time to get back to grinding (work and life)
/r/Divorce_Men17/11/24 02:45 PM
3

My x and her very new boyfriend told my kids that he is there to protect them and their mommy (living in what is still my house) from me, because I once tried to kill mommy in her sleep. The kids told this to me infront of witnesses. The next day i emailed my lawyer and told him to sit on this info and do nothing because my X and her genius mooch of a new boyfriend are plotting an order of protection. Within 2 months they filed 5 police actions and an order of protection. All of these are now re…
/r/Divorce_Men17/11/24 02:38 PM
7

You would get the same results if you wore a piano hat
/r/Divorce_Men16/11/24 12:52 AM
2

You can use infidelity as grounds in many if not all states. The question is why? Which state will punish the person commiting infidelity? All states accept "reconcilable differences" for grounds.
/r/Divorce_Men16/11/24 12:50 AM
1

I left as soon as I discovered she a lying cheat. Yes I left MY home and MY kids. She used that fact to get exclusive use of the home which is fine. Had I stayed I wouldn't have to pay for a whole other appartment but that is silly to stay in such an environment. Here is what most people miss when they tell you that you will lose 50/50 parenting time by setting this precedent that youre out of the house and their life: 1. This is less a precedent to give her more custody and more of a sacrifice …
/r/Divorce_Men15/11/24 04:34 PM
2

You got better! She didn't wait 10 years. She waited 2 months. You owe her a thank you. Now go and find your next adventure and don't let this stop you. You're very young.
/r/Divorce_Men15/11/24 02:50 PM
3

You can request discovery right to your court without a lawyer. You can easily rep yourself. She may even just concede so she don't have to lawyer up
/r/Divorce_Men15/11/24 02:28 PM
1

What makes you think she splits the proffit on paper? If it's her new man that pays taxes and she is only a beneficiary in the pocket then good luck proving that. You can request discovery but if it shows she is not making anything then you will have spent 2 years worth of child support on a lawyer.
/r/Divorce_Men15/11/24 02:27 PM
2

The lies and manipulations are enough for you to cut her out like a cancer. I don't understand why men think time will change manipulative women
/r/Divorce_Men15/11/24 02:24 PM
2

There are women out there that love only them selves and their kids. There are women that want above all else a sperm donor. The reason for her ending your marriage is not only mental anguish. You did not fail her. Her expectations failed her. She wasn't in it with her heart. Just her mind. Move on while you're young. And you are very young with alot of moving on left in you
/r/Divorce_Men15/11/24 02:23 PM
2

That's a really awesome story. And I agree categorically about single moms. I started off in roach motels when I left a compulsive liar and cheater. Took me more than a year to find stable footing and get my kids to be with me 50%. Today, 3 years later I have uncovered all the lies and parental alienation and about to petition for custody.
/r/Divorce_Men15/11/24 02:17 PM
12

There is nothing to prove. The court does not care about infidelity
/r/Divorce_Men15/11/24 01:52 PM
2

Getting laid will boost whatever you're lacking to the stratosphere. Don't take it too serious. And try to not remary the first lady you meet. I am still with the 2nd lady I met post leaving my home. It's been a wonderful challenge for 3 years now. I got 2 additional kids and a Brady bunch.
/r/Divorce_Men15/11/24 12:57 PM
2

How much do you both make? What's the split in percent? The house is split evenly. The only time it's not is if you make money and she don't.
/r/Divorce_Men15/11/24 01:07 AM
1

I am confused. You think the judge should have stayed being your lawyers friend?
/r/Divorce_Men15/11/24 12:56 AM
6

How are you today? What are you up to? How are you investing in change for the future? Seriously! What are you doing besides wondering why this happen to you like you some kind of lepper? I also have 3 kids. I too wanted to erase myself. My wife of 12 years and friend for 21 years lied, manipulated and cheated. Continues still 3 years after I left. Recently she Called the cops and sherrifs office on me 5 times sinse September and is about to have to explain all the lies to a judge. Nothing will …
/r/Divorce_Men15/11/24 12:48 AM
2

What did your X do to your parents? And by proxy to them through you? It's important to understand if she is a good person or bad. If she is a liar and cheat. What she does matters. If they feel she has not done anything eggregious enough to warrant exile then maybe that is the issue? Maybe they don't see what you see? Maybe you need to have a conversation about why you feel she should be exiled and they can tell you why not?
/r/Divorce_Men14/11/24 05:52 PM
2

I have a question. Have you dated? Have you had any romantic encounter? How did you feel about it? If you have not then you have not started the recovery process. That starts by throwing your "loyalty" in the trash. Once you do, then you will start to see the light at the end of the tunnel. You're definitely in your prime still and for a long time. My last kid I had at 35. I am in my mind 40s now with 3 kids of my own and 2 more from my g.f. in a blended family and still very much want one more.…
/r/Divorce_Men14/11/24 05:49 PM
6

Stop "making salads" for her. Move on. Enjoy making all your own decisions with no input.
/r/Divorce_Men14/11/24 05:35 PM
4

It can be MUCH worse. Trust me. I know. 3 years post moving and considering deleting myself countless times, I would like to thank my pathological liar cheater of an X for doing what she did and continuing to be self serving. No person ever helped me find hope and love, like she has. Her quick decision to lie cheat and steal again and again saved me from a miserable life with her and from giving a sheet about her. My point is that you should start planning your new future and enjoy making all th…
/r/Divorce_Men14/11/24 05:29 PM
2

That's pretty interesting dynamic. My mother in law goes through me to see the kids. Sister in law also weekly. 2 brother in laws and their wives rarely also. My X cut her entire family out (well they cut her) for unrelated matters. My only downfall is that I have to give her 40k pretax yearly and she works half of my house while splitting the kids 50/50.
/r/Divorce_Men13/11/24 01:54 PM
3

I have been there. First it was a coworker. Then an x boyfriend. Then my friend and neighbor and father of 3 kids. Then his friend and police officer. I climbed out of the hole she dug for me with lies and deceits for a shovel. Go get that feeling of "I prevailed against all odds". It's there for you to grab. Dating was very rough for me and I hated it. But it turned out really well for me and was the best thing I did. I am happy now. I have trust again. I have hope. All she has is a mooch who l…
/r/Divorce_Men13/11/24 01:40 PM
9

Next time you consider offing your self, remember how much you will screw up your kids and anyone else who loves and needs you. It's an easy out. I have contemplated it countless times as I was bouncing around from motel to motel for the first 5 months unable to see my kids on an equal basis. It took a year for the panic and anxiety to fade. The thing that saved me was finding a woman, finding trust and love again and then getting my kids 50/50 in my life again. I have had wins against a compuls…
/r/Divorce_Men13/11/24 12:57 PM
2

This comment is right on. Seems this entire thread was right on the button. We are all programmed to react the same way to similar circumstances it seems. .
/r/Divorce_Men13/11/24 12:47 PM
3

You live with your former in law? I assume they know your wife is a liar and what she did and you have a good relationship? I don't live with my former inlaws, but my wife's mom and all her siblings go through me to see the kids. I moved out 3 years ago, left her my home and kids and started a new life. For the first year I didn't think I would make it. Now I have a new life, new blended family and kids 50/50. It got so bad for her that she has called the cops on me 5 times in past 2 months and …
/r/Divorce_Men13/11/24 12:43 PM
2

It only feels impossible because you have not dated anyone! You know that's your next step if you are to get your mind right?
/r/Divorce_Men13/11/24 12:36 PM
2

Hi my twin. Why did you copy my sentiments exactly from 3 years ago? Now a word of advice. Go find a woman. Go date. Go have sex. Once you have done so for a while, you will lose this connection you claim to still have to your x. If she lied and cheated and manipulated you, then you will grow to despise her. If there was no lying then you may again attempt to reconcile. Stop the anxiety asap. That can be done by finding trust again. The kids see it. They will feel it. They will like the new you.…
/r/Divorce_Men13/11/24 12:33 PM
1

I read it but he is at high risk. His wife is a liar. It's not going to work out living with her. He has to move and start over. He can not cohabitate with a liar. This is not the advice to be given with conditions.
/r/Divorce_Men11/11/24 12:58 PM
3

The people who say "dont leave the house" are braindead. It's terrible advice for a high conflict situation. The lies will poison the air you breathe to a point where you need mental help. Don't wait for that. Leave and face your hardship as you plot and plan your return for your kids. Start paying child support voluntarily by the book. It will buy you time and an opportunity to build a new foundation. Don't rush into signing anything. Don't escallate. Just stall until you're in a good position …
/r/Divorce_Men11/11/24 01:28 AM
0

I am sorry but this is terrible advice when living in a high conflict home. She will get exclusive use whether he likes it or not. I don't understand why you think he should delay the inevitable.? Move the hell on. It's over! Why wait for a year or more to get ready to leave?
/r/Divorce_Men11/11/24 01:20 AM
8

Wow your story is very similar to my own. My Stbx never stopped lying. Still does. It got real nasty because of the lies. Run now bro. Don't look back. You won't fix her. She going to be a compulsive liar for a long time. Figure out how to entertain the kids better than her while you likely pay her child support. Don't wait for a better day. Just go
/r/Divorce_Men11/11/24 01:16 AM
11

I am going through this right now. I proved my wife a compulsive liar in court. Proved she made up most of her comments in the order of protection. The court did nothing! Just rescheduled for another day and another attempt to settle custody. They didn't even admonish her and her lawyer for offering to withdraw the order of protection after I sign custody. I told him infront of the clerk that "I won't ever negotiate with a liar and under the gun". I will have my hearing soon enough and I intend …
/r/Divorce_Men08/11/24 02:30 AM
2

Even with 50/50 split one of you has to be the defacto conservator. Meaning one will give child support to the other. In NY and many other states it don't matter of she has an extra 1 overnight per year or 100 extra overnights. The calculation for child support is the same. If she goes to work and makes substantially more than you then you will likely not have to pay her any support. If she don't go back then she will have the option to hit you for maintenance also. As far as your down payment g…
/r/Divorce_Men05/11/24 08:21 PM
3

He can not take the toddler from a mother who filed an order against him or is about to. That would be a mistake. In general it would be a mistake to take a toddler from a mother unless you can prove you had good reason. Her drinking does not make her a drunk. What proof you have that she is not able to be a mother? Before you take the kids, you better be 100% sure you're within your rights.
/r/Divorce_Men05/11/24 03:12 PM
1

Once you leave and move on, potentially with another woman, especially one with kids, the X will try to ruin you. I called my wife a compulsive liar countless times. She still don't believe me because she is pathological. It was all in vain. All my words good and bad, did not fix her. That's my advice. Move on and quickly. It will hurt more than staying in the short term. While I stayed in roach motels falling in and out of panic attacks, I saw my kids 1 day a week for about 5 months. It destroy…
/r/Divorce_Men05/11/24 01:23 PM
3

One more thing..... Use the state calculator for child support as soon as you leave. Pay that amount voluntarily. She will get you for maintenance eventually also if she don't work. Don't talk to her other than arrangement for pick up and drop off. While you don't have custody agreement, you should consult a lawyer about how to keep more of your kids. In NY where I live, I simply took custody little by little with my kids driving the time. My kids are older. The youngest one is now 9. She object…
/r/Divorce_Men05/11/24 12:50 PM
5

Wow man this is sick. I have not been assaulted yet by the step father but I know he wants to. My story is much longer and consumed 3 years of my life but I think you are headed for something similar. So I will give some experience. 1. Despite everyone saying "don't leave or else" I think that you now know you have to leave or separate from her. If it's your home then you're in good shape. If you purchased it together during marriage or even before marriage and she is on the deed then it will be…
/r/Divorce_Men05/11/24 12:42 PM
6

I didn't tell my kids for 3 years that their mom cheated with countless men (one was my friend). I told them when I left, that she simply lied to me and we stopped loving each other. 3 years later today, she found a new boyfriend, moved him into my house with my kids, and told him that I tried to choke her and kill her in her sleep. This stranger then tells my kids he is there to protect them all. My kids come to me in August to let me know they hate him and he can't shut his mouth up. I email m…
/r/Divorce_Men05/11/24 12:15 PM
3

If you take her back, you won't ever be calm when she is away. You won't ever be calm when she is texting. You won't forgive yourself for taking her back. Men cheat just to put a dent in a hole. Women cheat for very different reasons. The trust is gone. You won't ever get it back as a man. Your son nearly aged out. You have many options. If your wife works then you're good. If she don't work then you will be stuck paying maintenance for half of your married term and it's going to hurt you financ…
/r/Divorce_Men05/11/24 12:03 PM
1

People need a partner. We need trust and hope. You don't have to get married. But why are you abstaining from love?
/r/Divorce_Men05/11/24 11:57 AM
2

Find another woman. That's the advice and path I took. Worked out really well for me
/r/Divorce_Men31/10/24 06:47 PM
4

Doesn't sound very bad actually. After my wife filed 3 CPS reports against me, they came back unfounded. Hundreds of lies, manipulations and deceits. Non stop pathological lying. Just when I thought all is stable and my kids are with me 50% of the time, she introduced a new guy to my kids and moves him in to what is still my house (on the deed). Fast forward a few months, she starts telling him and kids that I choked her and almost killed her in her sleep. They start calling cops on me and lying…
/r/Divorce_Men31/10/24 06:00 PM
1

Until the kids say we don't want to go there, I am not going to try and get more that 50%
/r/Divorce_Men21/10/24 01:35 AM
3

These agreements are often unenforceable as the kids become older and self aware. This notion of co-parenting and not taking the kids desires seriously is idiotic. When the kids become old enough to make their desires heard, a contract is useless. Keep that in mind and save yourself some money.
/r/Divorce_Men20/10/24 03:44 PM
2

The lawyer who I trust said there is nothing I should do because it won't result in anything. Alienation is only actionable when it is successful. False police reports are a norm. They are rarely prosecuted and generally when they are public. Nobody going to charge a working mom of 3 kids for lying in a police report. Lawyers have nothing to do with this situation and most others. Why would I escalate for nothing? The average divorce attorney would absolutely handle it. He would escalate and suc…
/r/Divorce_Men20/10/24 02:41 PM
1

An update; After being presented evidence showing her a total and compulsive liar, she agreed to backpedal the OP with prejudice. What now?
/r/Divorce_Men20/10/24 12:55 PM
1

That's awesome advice. I am not sure if she is a covert or malignant. My only issue is money. She made off with my house, most of the money and refuses to settle. She loves to stall while accusing me of stalling. We are set for trial next year. I can't afford forensics or a GAL. I give her 40k pretax yearly and she works part time 24 hours a week on purpose. She would make more than I if she worked full time. The judge so far disregarded all of her nearly 40 pages of complaints. My only answer w…
/r/Divorce_Men15/10/24 01:44 AM
2

Not sure how owning guns with kids in the house is a bad look. CPS saw them and said nothing a year ago. I own a bow and arrow set. I have darts. We play first person shooters.
/r/Divorce_Men14/10/24 07:15 PM
5

I have a similar but not as extreme situation. My wife of 3 kids has lied countless times in court affidavits. All discounted by the judge. I suspect he knows she is a compulsive liar. Recently in her final attempt, she has ordered 3 CPS investigation and now called cops on me 3 times. All unfounded and all false reports to PD. The compulsion to lie is intense. The way she spins her web of lies is interesting. She often enjoys recounting a lie she told, then corrects it in and affidavit and then…
/r/Divorce_Men13/10/24 01:23 PM
2

Well count your blessings if she left your son with you. Start a notepad with a calendar. Catalog every day and back it up with a picture. She may one day claim she didn't leave your son. Do not alienate her. If kids ask questions, be honest but do not alienate. If she cheated for example, hide that fact and just say mom lied. Some things need to be hidden. Do not go back to her if she cheated or lied or manipulated. You will never feel at ease with her. Find another woman. Or find friends to ke…
/r/Divorce_Men13/10/24 11:26 AM
3

Your posts make me feel safe. I only had CPS and cops at my home 6 times now on falsified and unfounded reports. Nobody does anything
/r/Divorce_Men12/10/24 12:22 PM
3

Move on quickly. She as the mom will dominate your young children's lives. Your job is simple 1. Find your happy self 2. Find a partner 3. Make a new family, ideally one that your aging kids will eventually love That's how I did it but I got really lucky. My x wife can't stop lying. She is a compulsive liar. I don't even have to reply to her countless complaints because she sounds absurd. She called the cops on me 3 times now. All based off lies that she claims are honest mistakes.
/r/Divorce_Men12/10/24 12:15 PM
2

I think it's equal. You can borrow more easily against your 401k. A house needs to be maintained also. Now is the time to rent, with rent being often much less than carried costs to own
/r/Divorce_Men12/10/24 12:02 PM
7

That's not too bad. You found out. Seems like your puzzle is solved. What's next? My wife cheated with 4 men, me as the 5th every other day in the last "summer of love". She lies and manipulates people still to date. She called CPS on me and my kids with my girlfriend and her kids 3 times. Recently called the cops on me 3 times. All reports were unfounded. Police reports filed with false or unfounded information. Her own family goes through me to see the kids. She took my money, she took my hous…
/r/Divorce_Men12/10/24 11:57 AM
23

Normal men cry...
/r/Divorce_Men11/10/24 12:05 AM
5

I been there too. It all became better when I realized I am not a criminal for filing divorce. These judges and lawyers are all strangers. They just want your money. The kids decide eventually. It's my job to make sure they are well informed for their decision making ability and to encourage familiar relations they are used to.
/r/Divorce_Men09/10/24 02:38 PM
1

That just shows your narcissistic side. Not every woman is a hoe. Plenty of classy women out there just wanting to find the same thing you are
/r/Divorce_Men08/10/24 01:25 PM
0

I disagree. Outcome in a divorce defines the judge and your ability to spend more often than it defines you. I think that's not good advice.
/r/Divorce_Men07/10/24 11:47 PM
5

You're wrong. You sound like I did few years back. You have to get your mind right. Once you are happy and full of hope, your boys will want to be with you. As they get older they will naturally gravitate to you. You don't need to ask for time with the kids. You owe nobody an explanation other than yourself. If you're a decent honest person then you have 99% of what's needed. Slow the lawyers down. Rep yourself if you're able. These sharks are designed to drain YOU. Don't let them. You can't los…
/r/Divorce_Men07/10/24 11:46 PM
4

The best advice I got when I felt EXACTLY like you do now: "find another woman" I did just that a few times. 3 years later (today) I can tell you that I was completely irrational. You need to move on and ditch her like a bad habit. Cold turkey. You won't sleep or ever feel ok if you go back to her. You will ALWAYS fear where she is and what she is up to. Don't do it. Go get laid. Go make some mistakes without catching a disease. Move on man. And you might change your mind about your current girl…
/r/Divorce_Men07/10/24 10:25 PM
10

Women are terrible actuaries. Always = sometimes, never = usually. But when it comes to sex, they can sometimes make up these statistics to satisfy their own desire or acts already committed. In my case, my x became much more interested in sex when she started cheating. Went from once a month to every other day. That's when I started tracking her and unfortunately I realized the same day that she has been lying and manipulating me about her work and schedule. My point is that there is something …
/r/Divorce_Men07/10/24 10:03 PM
3

Cheating is when your partner expects nothing less than loyalty. Do you mean to tell me that your x believes you are alone waiting for her?
/r/Divorce_Men07/10/24 09:58 PM
2

When my wife and best friend of 20 some years and 3 kids tried to convince me that I am delusional and I need a psychiatrist. She did not know that her own sister and mother told me everything I was missing about her cheating and manipulating me. The panic attacks took a year to subside. The anger is still there. Mostly because these courts allow her to stay working part time, for her to get the kids half the time, and for me to work overtime and pay child support. The comedy show started when s…
/r/Divorce_Men07/10/24 08:07 PM
1

I replied because your comment reminded me of me. 3 years ago I felt the same way. You don't have to be a grain of sand. You can be a seashell. Just put more effort into it and enjoy the failures along the way. They will yield success
/r/Divorce_Men07/10/24 12:45 PM
1

I always found this silly. It depends on the x wife. If your x wife works full time and is a great parent and person, then certainly child support is for the kids. However if your x is a lying cheating manipulative malignant narcissist, who the kids fear more than love and someone who works part time just to be the non moneyed parent, then your child support goes to subsidize her life and not the kids.
/r/Divorce_Men07/10/24 11:54 AM
1

That's sad because there is a woman out there for you and she is looking for someone to trust and love. She will be your best friend and never leave your side. She will love you more than she loves herself. I hope you reconsider
/r/Divorce_Men07/10/24 11:47 AM
7

I was 41 when I found out my wife and friend of over 20 years with 3 kids, cheated, lied and manipulated me to the point of a mental breakdown. Her own family had to help me put the pieces together and now go through me to see our kids I too never dated and also didn't know how. The process of dating was grueling. I hated it. It was a lot of failures and pointless conversations and sex. I will leave you with just this simple advice. Find a good woman. They are out there. Keep trying. There are w…
/r/Divorce_Men07/10/24 11:43 AM
4

In NY if you have no custody agreement then you can just keep the child overnight. You are the parent. The problem starts with lawyers and judges. Do your best. In a few years your child will decide anyways provided neither of you manipulate and alienate successfully. That's a big if. Don't do it. Your only manipulation should be to show not say that you are the best. Don't overthink anything. Read divorce law. Once you are 1000 hours in, youre an expert
/r/Divorce_Men07/10/24 11:31 AM
1

I melted mine, got a roller to flatten out all the gold scrap I had, then made a pendant out of it all.
/r/Divorce_Men07/10/24 11:26 AM
3

A wise man with only a 2nd grade education once told me "move on and find another woman". That should be you. This time find one that loves you more than herself
/r/Divorce_Men07/10/24 11:21 AM
1

I am ok with this comment but not your first. I am not encouraging marriage again. But people can find a life long partner without a government contract to bind their relationship. I don't respect the "fuck till you drop" mentality. It's devoid of any actual satisfaction. Real satisfaction comes from understanding "the love you give away is the only love you keep". I like this quote. It brought me a lot of happy states. Getting around until my dick falls off never stuck a chord.
/r/Divorce_Men05/10/24 08:39 PM
1

I have a lawyer. He doesn't help me much. Just does what I ask him to. I ask him to sit on his hands and just keep him informed. I feel like this system don't punish women unless gross neglegence occurs. So I keep my legal expenses down. I believe I mentioned nothing actionable above. Just wanted a confirmation that doing nothing about it, is the right way
/r/Divorce_Men05/10/24 08:35 PM
2

Yeah.. I think by design so I don't look at this disparity with amazement. It's how it always worked and always will work with "normal" people
/r/Divorce_Men05/10/24 08:31 PM
3

Keep trying. It's not about you. Look beyond yourself and your needs/wants. There are women out there that want a very simple magic sauce; 1. Someone to trust 2. Someone who is selfless kind and often hopeful 3. Someone confident and not vein That's it! There is no other magic formula. Find a woman who wants those simple things and nothing else. It's often a single mom without any support, busting her ass for her kids and just wants someone to value her
/r/Divorce_Men04/10/24 01:31 AM
4

So you find a woman who is looking for a partner and makes less than you do, and automatically she a gold digger? I don't get this. Discounting completely the fact that there are millions of decent loving women out there that just want a decent loving man to trust and cherish.
/r/Divorce_Men03/10/24 10:16 PM
2

I like everything except part 6. Nothing like an awesome woman who got hitched to a real prick and left him with nothing but the shirt on her back and kids in tow. They are out there and they want nothing more than a decent man. And when you find them, they will cherish you for life and never take you for granted.
/r/Divorce_Men03/10/24 10:11 PM
6

Yes because using women is morally decent
/r/Divorce_Men03/10/24 09:40 PM
1

Probably too much to read.
/r/Divorce_Men03/10/24 03:31 PM
2

I left 3 years ago to the date. Lived in roach motels nearby so I could see my kids. Left my own house that I built with my two hands and paid for before marriage. All my inaction and hundreds of silent panic attacks which have subsided after about a years, worked out for the best. My kids are happy, I am happy and things look positive. She tries often to throw a wrench into my life still but it all backfires on her and quick. If she wasn't a malignant narcissist, I might even feel bad for her. …
/r/Divorce_Men03/10/24 03:25 PM
1

Congrats, sex and sexuality doesn't define you. what I do behind closed doors never leaves there. I never understood people that revolve their life around sex.
/r/Divorce_Men03/10/24 12:24 PM
5

Been 3 years for me now in divorce with a malignant narcissist who alienated all of mine and most of her own large family. Now I have to deal with her boyfriend who entered the picture in March, moved into MY house she has exclusivity in a month later, and now he is alienating me from my kids who hate him entirely. The only thing that keeps me calm is the ability to sit on my hands and always let time fix whatever crazy stuff she plots. We have trial set for next year. I am just waiting and tryi…
/r/Divorce_Men03/10/24 12:16 PM
1

You feel this way because you don't respect women like that? Because she don't respect her self? Because it's gross on many levels? Because if you like swinger parties then you probably like some other weird crap? Because a couples love making should be behind closed doors?
/r/Divorce_Men02/10/24 10:05 PM
1

The deed is in both names and that means she owns half. You will take your pre marital contribution off the top. The rest is split evenly. You can take your premarital investments also. Banks only keep records for 7 years so back up all you have right now. Don't ask for more than that. You won't get it. She will take half regardless of how much she contributed after marriage. The fact that you took the loan and the liability solely on your name carries no weight either. Spread the words and tell…
/r/Divorce_Men02/10/24 10:00 PM
1

Mary her in a ceremony and don't sign any government paper. Simple as that. No prenup. You make your investments in each other and for each other as you go along without the government ever having you by the balls.
/r/Divorce_Men02/10/24 09:57 PM
2

Why do you fear this? There are only 2 reasons: 1. You're doing something wrong 2. You're paranoid and doing nothing wrong If it's either 1 or 2 then you need to stop both
/r/Divorce_Men02/10/24 09:52 PM
3

Wait til they are older to tell them truth. Avoid it for now.
/r/Divorce_Men02/10/24 09:45 PM
2

After I left my wife of 3 kids due to her cheating and manipulating me to the point of a mental breakdown, I also had some weird experiences. At first I couldnt get 100% hard. Then I couldn't orgasm easily. It all worked itself out I a few months to a year
/r/Divorce_Men02/10/24 12:29 AM
1

It does look like a text wall. It's just a glimpse into my story. I am surprised I made it this far
/r/Divorce_Men02/10/24 12:19 AM
1

Sounds like a horror. But why does a malignant personality like this affect your life still? What is stopping you from being happy? I only assume based on your writing. It sounds familiar because I was there (less than violence). I hope you find love and trust beyond the nostalgia you are fond of. I like your YouTube channel. It seems to provide you a stable satisfaction. I am still searching for my hobby outside of my kids
/r/Divorce_Men01/10/24 02:51 PM
3

I have not been ok for a long time but realizing you can find trust yet again, makes it all ok. Why don't you start by telling your story? You have one. Self hard comes in many ways. One is to hate your situation without elaborating.
/r/Divorce_Men01/10/24 12:52 PM
1

Tough crowd
/r/Divorce_Men01/10/24 12:45 PM
2

Alex the sex and cheating will not matter in court. The judge will only consider on the basis of disregarding your own arrest and anger. It will not help you otherwise so get it out of your mind. Your future is made simpler if you understand this part and move on quick. Do not try to reconcile. Even if you had assurances she won't ever do it again, you will never be whole. You will never be easy. Move on. As for your kids, lawyer up. Get a child lawyer now. They will listen to the kids desires f…
/r/Divorce_Men01/10/24 12:24 PM
1

I was there too once. It was a mistake. I regret going through this stage. She used it to manipulate me even more.
/r/Divorce_Men01/10/24 12:18 PM
1

Sounds very familiar. Especially about the house I bought and fixed with my own 2 hands. You want my advice? It worked real well for me but not the wisest of plans. I put myself out there and started dating far too early before I was ready. Found a woman with 2 kids and no dad in the picture. The kids get along with my kids amazingly. Do the same. If it don't work out on the first then try again. You have to keep trying. That's the secret sauce. Find what works for you. Doesn't mean you need to …
/r/Divorce_Men01/10/24 12:11 PM
1

You qualify for the following 1. To have her pay for your lawyer in part or in full 2. To take back any and all investment in your property that you can show. 3. To get maintenance potentially You need a lawyer and fast.
/r/Divorce_Men01/10/24 12:05 PM
1

Eric I have a slightly similar situation. Never abused physically. Just manipulated to no end. I also left my house for the benefit of my 3 kids. There is something wrong with your story though. You relegated yourself to living with your parents and gave up everything for the benefit of your boys. Why such absolute terms? Why don't you feel you have a right to enjoy life? What am I missing? I understand you went through an unprecedented horror. But why won't you step out of that hole you dug you…
/r/Divorce_Men01/10/24 11:57 AM
1

How?
/r/Divorce_Men01/10/24 11:44 AM
3

Hi Eric Your story did out a new perspective in my mind. I hope you got your boys. I hope you found something and someone to help you find your way to smiling. I hope you update with your new life.
/r/Divorce_Men01/10/24 11:38 AM
1

You should imagine finding someone. It may be the best thing that happen to you. It's not that scary trust me. You may even like it alot more than being in a loveless marriage
/r/Divorce_Men30/09/24 07:40 PM
You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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