I’m signing my returned decree today, and we accepted an offer on the sale of our house today. I’m putting this out there, in hopes of lending some commonality, comfort, and to hope to all of you men - no matter what stage of this process you are in. The single most painful part of this, was knowing, deep down, over 5 years ago, the marriage wasn’t going to work - but suppressing that knowledge, continuing to rebuild this 3rd house, and bide my time until my son was 18, about six weeks ago.

If you are suffering, distraught, losing it, your world falling apart, more frightened than you’ve ever been - all of these have been the nightmare of my last 6 months. My wife, soon to ex, moved out 34 days ago - and that came with relief, sorrow, fright. However, an overwhelming sense of peace, calm, and even occasional happiness is emerging. If you have been in the dark pit, or are there now, get help. My brother, my mother, and about 6 close friends, 2 of whom are lifelong girl friends (platonic) have saved me. I also did 2 months of counseling. I got anxiety meds, have only used about eight times - but it is a comfort knowing I have them. We have worked out a 50/50 time with our son, and thanks to him being 18 - no alimony (I don’t know how I survived until he was 18, but lord was it worth it). It’s not merely the money - it’s that he is free, I am free, and he can choose to be with me 100%, and he gets to make his own adult decisions. It’s a gift I have given to him. For 34 days, no one has yelled at me (my ex). For 4 months not a single angry, unsupportive sister-in-law has been in the house. All through Thanksgiving, Christmas, and New Years I will not be staring at a drained bank account, and find hidden credit cards, and stare at a spinning ceiling trying to figure out how much to take out of my meager retirement to pay for it all, or see if I can pick up weekend shifts to work myself to death trying to pay for it all. As the moments, and minutes, and days, and now a month have passed - I find myself a Gulag prisoner, escaped, and time is propelling me into a life I can hardly believe. Men out there - don’t give up! Believe in yourself. Reach out to everyone around you for support, and you will one day rebuild, brick by brick. I’m 54 and it can be done, just believe that you can do it. Thank you for reading this, truly.