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NC_Geezus Archive

View 4 posts and 142 comments by NC_Geezus on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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Upvotes Title Category Author Subreddit Date (UTC)
48

NC_Geezus/r/Divorce_Men18/02/26 01:29 AM
12

NC_Geezus/r/Divorce_Men17/12/24 03:23 PM
10

NC_Geezus/r/Divorce_Men19/04/23 06:47 PM
4

NC_Geezus/r/Divorce_Men22/04/23 05:08 PM
Upvotes Comment on Subreddit Date (UTC)
4

Teacher.
/r/Divorce_Men04/06/26 01:55 PM
1

I went through the collaborative divorce process, my ex and I were civil through it. I had the advantage of her being terrified her reputation would get trashed in the town she grew up in. And, from a total value prospective, it was an equal deal.
/r/Divorce_Men30/05/26 08:30 AM
10

Dude, that was a terrible deal and I don’t know what your 401k even is. BEST case agree to split 401k (legally, she can’t get more than half). Use your half of the equity for n the house to negotiate alimony. I signed over my half the equity lieu of any alimony - that sucked and was a non-trivial amount of money, but I was off the hook once the divorce was final. If she’s not good with that, force the sale of the house and make sure that the alimony has all kinds of traps doors (new marriage cla…
/r/Divorce_Men23/05/26 09:26 PM
6

From my personal experience, I found out after about 15 years of marriage and was overwhelmed. We tried to reconcile and within 6 years she did it again and now we’re divorced. Someone mentioned above that reconciliation rarely works and in my case that’s true. I wish I would’ve just ended it then. I would’ve been 43 and divorced instead of 55 and divorced. Oh well, I’m making the best of it now.
/r/Divorce_Men17/05/26 04:20 PM
6

She kept cheating with her old boyfriends from college. (They rarely stay in the past if those relationships aren’t properly closed).
/r/Divorce_Men03/05/26 01:35 PM
5

VERY similar to my story, never take back a cheater.
/r/Divorce_Men13/03/26 10:39 AM
1

In North Carolina, the law requires 1 year of separation for a divorce. We hit the one year mark and it took a couple of months to get on the court calendar.
/r/Divorce_Men19/02/26 10:11 PM
4

I found out about her infidelity in 2013 and it devastated me. I was all the stories you see on her when guys first find out. I worked on my self, but also played the pick-me dance. Never really forced any consequences for her and let it just fade into the background of life. Lo and behold, about 5 years later she was at it again. This time though, I had already mourned the loss of the relationship and it was much more of a business transaction. My gut was screaming at me over the years, but I f…
/r/Divorce_Men18/02/26 10:47 PM
2

Love the last sentence 😆.
/r/Divorce_Men18/02/26 01:40 PM
1

No coal-raking. I gave her the house (my equity stake was significant) in place of alimony, and we agreed that each would keep their savings/debt/retirement whole and not split. I wasn’t interested in forcing the house sold as my kids grew up there, and I would’ve likely been in-line for lifetime alimony. This way, I’m completely done and debt free with a nice pile for retirement. It could be better, but it also could certainly be worse.
/r/Divorce_Men18/02/26 01:39 PM
2

You can do it, it’s worth it!
/r/Divorce_Men18/02/26 01:34 PM
3

Head down and keep grinding. Do the work and you’ll be good. Best of luck!
/r/Divorce_Men18/02/26 01:33 PM
10

I’m happy that that chapter is done. That I’m no longer bound to someone who is dishonest and doesn’t respect me, our family, or our relationship. I’m happy that the marriage is over. I’m not thrilled with what my adult children have to deal with as a result of her constant infidelity. I hope that clarifies it for you.
/r/Divorce_Men18/02/26 01:32 PM
3

Hobby Lobby is usually a pretty good place.
/r/Divorce_Men11/01/26 06:34 PM
2

10 years could be where it starts to get expensive with alimony too.
/r/Divorce_Men07/01/26 04:07 AM
7

Milk it as long as you can while you get your sh%t together. Marriage counselling, generally speaking, is a joke. They are just trying to find middle-ground where you are both at fault for something so you can both admit it and move forward, even is there isn't fault on both. Big on false equivalencies. Be ready for "she admitted she was wrong for banging her old boyfriend, now, you should admit that you were wrong for not making her feel connected enough and basically pushing her onto his dick.…
/r/Divorce_Men06/01/26 10:55 PM
1

I'll follow-on with one other thought too. You never said how long you've been married, only that you've had a 5 year dead bedroom. This sounds like she is trying to test and see what you'll accept. If you don't push back and firmly tell her what is and isn't acceptable for you in the marriage, then you notice more things that are starting to piss you off because she'll be pushing you again. You could always break out that old chestnut of "if you're that bored, go back to work".
/r/Divorce_Men06/01/26 09:29 PM
3

From the way you are describing her, it does sound like she may be struggling with depression, or some other issue, but that's on her to be willing to fix. Set some boundaries and hold to them, that will force her hand either way. I'm not talking about sleeping around if she doesn't put out, more like "you will not talk to me that way" when she gives you sh%t over nothing. Come up with a list of productive things she can do that don't involve sitting on her ass when she says she's bored (make a …
/r/Divorce_Men06/01/26 09:24 PM
3

I debated this with myself too, until I met with my stbx for something and noticed hers wasn't on. Mine never made a return after that. I did keep the ring incase one of my kids wants it for something, but I have no intention of ever wearing one again.
/r/Divorce_Men05/01/26 08:08 PM
2

I would challenge you to learn to be good with being alone. Being good with your own company is the key that will unlock ultimate happiness for you - you will not feel as though you need anyone else to be content. Then, when you find someone, you will better be able to gauge if they are truly adding to your life, or taking away from it.
/r/Divorce_Men03/01/26 07:04 PM
5

Yeah, you made through one of the toughest parts. There will be many more, but that is one of the toughest. Hate you have to go through this.
/r/Divorce_Men03/01/26 06:58 PM
3

Currently, I (55m) am waiting on the the judge to sign the petition for divorce from my stbxw (54f) after a one year separation. We are divorcing because of her incessant infidelity with old boyfriends. We worked out the Separation Agreement before the separation with an attorney. Because we were married for 25 years (together for 30), I new that I would likely be up against lifetime alimony, so I agreed to give her my stake in the residence (my half the equity was around $350K), but there would…
/r/Divorce_Men03/01/26 12:19 AM
1

On D-day for me, what helped was journaling. I was able to scrawl out all my anger, frustrations and fears. I would reread them and continue to journal. It really helped me process everything and build a timeline that I could obsess over until I started to get emotionally grounded. Big advise, don't make ANY big decisions or agreements while you're swept up with emotion. Get your legs back under you and best of luck! It does get better, but time is really the only thing that helps. Sorry friend.
/r/Divorce_Men02/01/26 11:55 PM
1

You're doing the right things, time is really the only thing that helps. You will know you have arrived when you are alone in your condo and you're cool with it. When you can be alone with yourself, you have picked the lock. edit: grammar.
/r/Divorce_Men12/12/25 09:51 PM
3

You’re doing the pick me dance. The longer you stay in it, the more she knows she can get away with. Make the tough decision.
/r/Divorce_Men10/12/25 03:31 AM
5

It gets easier. You need to figure out how to be good with being alone, don't try to fill the void. Once you're okay with being alone, your life will improve dramatically.
/r/Divorce_Men26/11/25 08:29 PM
5

Plan, plan, plan. That includes getting copies of critical documents, financial statements, etc. Have an off site place to store that. Build a cash pile as inconspicuously as you can - if you never carry cash, start. And make sure she sees you paying with cash periodically. That way it will not be unusual to see a few ATM transactions on your bank account. Getting (reasonable amounts of) cash back at the grocery store is another good way (buy a 6 six pack and get $100 cash back - it's not unusua…
/r/Divorce_Men25/11/25 09:30 PM
1

You can wait and plan, but part of your plan needs to be standing your ground. Will it cause a fight? Hell yeah. Dust off your spine and call her out on her bullshit. She gives you crap about Kirkland parchment paper? Tell her to go her damn self next time. She may start backing off if she knows you're standing your ground on everything. If nothing else, you'll start setting some boundaries.
/r/Divorce_Men21/11/25 08:35 PM
2

Took me about 6 months to work out the SA with her, then a year living separate and apart. Just reengaged the attorney to get me over the finish line (1 year mark is December 7).
/r/Divorce_Men21/11/25 06:51 PM
2

I tested the waters with FB dating just to see what I was up against when the divorce is final. It was positive enough for me that I now don't worry about it if/when I choose to do it. Because we were separated and not divorced, I approached the profile this way: I did not mention my status, I tried to make the profile interesting/funny with some pictures (no hat, no sun glasses, full body, etc. - those matter). When I matched, we would message a few times and then (if that went decent) we would…
/r/Divorce_Men18/11/25 08:11 PM
1

Hey, you're in therapy, that's a great first step. Work on your self, that's all you can do. If your wife isn't interested in working on herself or your relationship, or willing to go to therapy, you can't make her. That's on her. Do the work for you and your relationship with your kids. If neither of you have stepped out and cheated, at least you have dodged that nonsense (adds a whole different level to the whole thing).
/r/Divorce_Men18/11/25 08:01 PM
2

Yeah, I'm with you on that laundry crap. I mean, it's not like they're dragging that shit to a river and washing it on a rock anymore. State-of- the-art (and expensive) appliances do all the work. Therapy is all about finding a middle ground, which means you will lose. When someone is running around cheating and they create some "imbalance" in the relationship to justify it, that means you are having to concede to phantom problems. I suppose you both get fucked, but she gets to enjoy hers.
/r/Divorce_Men18/11/25 07:54 PM
12

Yep, if your gut is telling you something is off, LISTEN TO IT.
/r/Divorce_Men13/09/25 04:36 PM
14

While we were married.
/r/Divorce_Men26/08/25 11:06 AM
3

FYI, NC is a live separate and apart for a year and a day state. I’m 6 months in myself. F that nesting nonsense rent a place and start the process.
/r/Divorce_Men06/07/25 06:28 PM
8

this (unfortunately)
/r/Divorce_Men29/06/25 02:27 PM
9

Yeah,sounds like you still got fucked (though you’re right, not as bad as going through the courts). In my case, I make 3x what she does. We agreed that she keeps the house free and clear (at least $300k in equity for my half) and we each keep our own savings, debts, and retirements, and absolutely no spousal support (because she cheated). Both my kids are over 18, so no child support - 25 year marriage down the shitter.
/r/Divorce_Men14/06/25 03:00 PM
5

54 here, and 6 months into a separation because my wife of 25 years just couldn’t quit with her old college boyfriends (yes, plural).
/r/Divorce_Men08/05/25 11:59 AM
3

Probably best to run that by an attorney.
/r/Divorce_Men07/05/25 03:59 PM
5

By NC do you mean North Carolina? If so, North Carolina is a one party consent state. It doesn’t matter if she knows about the cameras.
/r/Divorce_Men07/05/25 11:21 AM
4

Very similar road here.
/r/Divorce_Men18/04/25 03:26 PM
3

You caught her off-guard. She wants to get back to status quo so she can organize an exit plan. That’s my read. Remember, a conversation is good, but the reasons you chose to have that conversation have not changed.
/r/Divorce_Men30/03/25 03:47 PM
6

Scan them with a high res scanner and then give them back to her. Then tell her to leave you the F alone.
/r/Divorce_Men16/03/25 03:27 PM
2

Very rational view, it appears you’ve done some healing and introspection. Keep that up and sail forward!
/r/Divorce_Men05/03/25 03:33 AM
17

Good luck internet friend. It’s a shitty spot to be in.
/r/Divorce_Men25/02/25 10:38 PM
1

Same story for me. I was really curious what the landscape was like with OLD as I've heard nothing but horror stories, so I put up a FB Dating profile and starting getting some matches, chatting, and some phone conversations. It helped me to see that, when I'm ready, I'll have options.
/r/Divorce_Men20/02/25 09:35 PM
1

I wait for the second call. The first call is really just a vibe check. If the vibe is good on call one, then I normally lead the second call off with the info and explain that if that's a bridge too far for them I absolutely understand. So far, it's been 50/50 with having an issue with it, but everyone was cool with how it was handled.
/r/Divorce_Men20/02/25 09:28 PM
6

Don't move out until you have something documented and notarized with the terms she's agreed to. You want to move quick, but not too quick that you make mistakes. The terms seem reasonable to me.
/r/Divorce_Men20/02/25 09:13 PM
3

Yep, all I ever did was teach her how to hide her cheating better.
/r/Divorce_Men20/02/25 09:12 PM
6

Solid advise here.
/r/Divorce_Men15/02/25 03:49 PM
9

Hard lesson, but you’ll make it through. Do the work.
/r/Divorce_Men11/02/25 10:56 AM
2

Some states (like NC) require 1 year separation before you can divorce (exceptions for abuse, drugs, etc.). You may want to check what the requirements are where you live.
/r/Divorce_Men03/02/25 07:52 PM
3

100%, and anything that happens as a result are called consequences.
/r/Divorce_Men01/02/25 04:10 PM
3

I don’t know, I was the AP’s husband and wish that someone would’ve let me know instead of using me as leverage so that I could make the best decision for me. I think that all parties involved deserve a voice in the conversation. Though, I do understand waiting a bit to optimize things for yourself.
/r/Divorce_Men01/02/25 04:10 PM
1

Yeah, that’s a tough one to hear. I had not been moved out 2 weeks and my x was on a date. It was a real gut punch, but I knew I’d need to deal with that one day. Keep moving forward, it gets easier.
/r/Divorce_Men30/01/25 05:10 PM
1

I would recommend staying away from "demanding" type language that focuses on what you're looking for (e.g. "If you're not X then swipe left" "If you're not looking for Y then" ... you get the idea). Instead focus on what you bring to a potential match and some of your interests that showcase your personality. (e.g. "I'm a confident women who is comfortable in her own skin and is looking to expand my circle with like-minded people, love craft beers, hiking, open mic night, (whatever). Make it se…
/r/Divorce_Men28/01/25 08:38 PM
1

Anna Nicole Russell (AN|R law firm) she has office near Crabtree Valley Mall. She's really good if you think you can do a collaborative divorce. Worth talking too.
/r/Divorce_Men28/01/25 04:08 PM
6

Yeah, you need to play the long game and start pulling cash discretely if you can. Cash back at the grocery store. Occasional atm trips. Build your cash pile over time so as not to raise flags. If you don’t carry cash, start. Then the atm withdrawals won’t look sketchy. Also, if you drink, pay cash for that shit. They will automatically start in on the alcoholic angle.
/r/Divorce_Men28/01/25 12:59 AM
3

I setup a FB Dating profile to see what I was up against (heard nothing but horror stories) and I swear EVERY single one of the women on there all have basically clones of each others profile. The language is all basically the same. Looking for the same sh%t. You read some of the "warning" signs on Reddit for OLD and start seeing that in profiles, it's hilarious. When you've grieved the loss of the relationship and are ready to jump back in, you will be surprised at what your market value actual…
/r/Divorce_Men14/01/25 09:24 PM
6

Classic DARVO move, straight out the cheaters playbook.
/r/Divorce_Men14/01/25 09:16 PM
2

Same.
/r/Divorce_Men10/01/25 09:48 PM
11

Well, Bill was banging other women, so he didn’t help his case.
/r/Divorce_Men10/01/25 09:40 PM
10

Yeah, that’s called violating her trust. If you do work it out, your friend will need to become an ex-friend and your wife will still never trust you again.
/r/Divorce_Men08/01/25 05:04 PM
5

I can relate. I went to the ex's house for Christmas this year as a "non-negotiable" from the kids. It was nice, but it was painful as hell to see yourself removed from the house. No longer in any of the pictures anywhere, just erased from the house I worked my ass off to build and pay for. The loneliness will suck, but it does diminish over time.
/r/Divorce_Men06/01/25 04:25 PM
2

Wow, remarkably similar story to mine.
/r/Divorce_Men06/01/25 03:44 PM
1

If you’re on the eastern side of NC, message me, we can grab a beer. It always helps to have someone to talk to.
/r/Divorce_Men03/01/25 12:53 PM
2

To add an example, if your spouse is cheating in the marriage and you can prove it (again, high-bar) you can get a more favorable judgement because of their conduct. You can also sue the party that they are cheating with for damages. My understanding is that all of this tends to be expensive and drawn out.
/r/Divorce_Men03/01/25 12:49 PM
1

If that’s your attorneys advice, you should follow that (I’m not an attorney). I stayed in the house until the SA was agreed to because we were at least civil to one another. I knew I needed to get out because I didn’t want to see her going out all the time. Good luck on your path brother. It gets pretty dark, but always gets better. Stay strong.
/r/Divorce_Men03/01/25 12:46 PM
1

Also, NC is an at-fault state. Though to have an at-fault divorce, the bar of proof is pretty high and those divorces tend to be very expensive.
/r/Divorce_Men02/01/25 07:09 PM
2

I'm in NC and the rule is you must live separate and apart for 1 year and a day (literally just went through this with my lawyer). There are exceptions for dangerous situations, but those are rare. The usual advice is to not leave the residence until you have a signed (and notarized) Separation Agreement in-place. That will protect you against abandonment.
/r/Divorce_Men02/01/25 07:07 PM
2

You just have to process the emotions and execute your plan. I just found out my stbxw starting dating and that sent me back in the emotions. Unfortunately, time is really the only thing that helps.
/r/Divorce_Men01/01/25 04:02 PM
5

I found out about the cheating and was devastated. I had a hard time accepting it and didn’t force any real accountability and we just quit talking about it and faded back into “life”. Flash forward 8 years (or so) and I found out she was cheating again - this was my breaking point. I realized that this is who is, it’s who she’s always been and always will be. I didn’t deserve to be treated that way, so I lawyered up and started the process. Wish I would have done it 10 years ago (for what that’…
/r/Divorce_Men24/12/24 04:31 PM
5

My plan is to process the grief of the lost relationship before I try to find anything else. I’m giving myself a 1 year moratorium on dating. I believe that dating when you aren’t fully through the grieving process will only add complications and confused feelings.
/r/Divorce_Men24/12/24 01:09 AM
3

The classic "pick-me" dance.
/r/Divorce_Men20/12/24 08:37 PM
4

BTW, I tried the reconciliation path several years ago and am now going through the divorce I should have done then. In my situation, once a cheater, always a cheater.
/r/Divorce_Men20/12/24 02:48 PM
4

Yes, the weight and pain lessens and you regain control of your emotions and your mind, it just takes some time and some work. Talk to a therapist if you have access. Journaling my thoughts, fears, feelings, emotions, ramblings, etc. was extremely therapeutic for me. See if your primary care physician can prescribe something to help steady your mind and quell your anxiety. Talk to someone (friend, family, anyone who will listen). Hit the gym and workout regularly (daily) with heavy weights. Thes…
/r/Divorce_Men20/12/24 02:46 PM
4

I'm 54 as well and I'm finishing up my third week in my apartment. I have a nice place and a good job, but I still have the crash of emotions to handle and yes, therapy and anxiety meds have helped greatly (working out too). My kids are both over 18 (I waited for my youngest to turn 18 too) and waiting was torture because of my wife's most recent infidelity. I can only hope that she is having to deal with crashing emotions too. It's hard not to get jealous of my stbxw as she has a huge network o…
/r/Divorce_Men19/12/24 08:56 PM
3

They all have to villainize someone else to justify their behaviors. That is a common drumbeat on this, and many other subs. This lady perfectly captures the mindset, nothing wrong, nothing bad, but just a desire for something new and something more.
/r/Divorce_Men18/12/24 04:30 PM
2

When I first found out about my stbxw's infidelities (there were several, this was late 2012 early 2013) I feel like therapy genuinely saved my life. I was the dumbass that chose reconciliation (actually we just quit talking about her infidelities and it faded to the background). Flash forward 11 years and now I'm going through the divorce after, guess what, ANOTHER affair. I'm about to hook up with a new therapist to help through the emotional crap, but I can say that this time it's not nearly …
/r/Divorce_Men18/12/24 04:25 PM
1

Kind of hard to comment without more detail. Did someone cheat? If you’re bored, that’s not really a good reason (imo). Would help with more context.
/r/Divorce_Men18/12/24 12:12 PM
3

Great perspective, I’d not thought about it that way.
/r/Divorce_Men17/12/24 03:39 PM
11

Or she’ll hit that gym and start toning up and the guys that start hitting on her will get her tingling. Really though the gym isn’t necessary, dudes will hit on her and she’ll eat up the attention. And then blame the hubby for not being like the new guys.
/r/Divorce_Men17/12/24 03:39 PM
9

Jesus, the fucking tarot card thing😩. Mine started with horoscopes then quickly moved to tarot. I often wonder how big a role those fucking things played in my life. Add to that the whole “I know who I am and what I want” bullshit and you’ve described 99% of 40/50 year old women.
/r/Divorce_Men17/12/24 01:05 PM
3

When I moved out of the house. It would be sitting at the bottom of the Neuse river, but I ended up throwing it in my nightstand thinking my kids may want it one day.
/r/Divorce_Men15/12/24 05:48 PM
3

" It’s not until then that I realized how much of myself I gave away." This right here. I moved all my stuff out of a 3,500 sf/ft house and setup a 2 BR apartment. You'd never know that I left the house - that's how present me and my things were.
/r/Divorce_Men14/12/24 08:32 PM
5

Agreed, you can also just pickup and go somewhere. You don't have to wait hours and hours for someone else to get ready.
/r/Divorce_Men14/12/24 08:30 PM
7

Much wisdom here^.
/r/Divorce_Men14/12/24 08:28 PM
13

No one creating agendas for me. I don't have to declare an itinerary every morning on the weekends. I don't need to "entertain" someone. And lastly, a hell of a lot less drama/stress.
/r/Divorce_Men14/12/24 08:26 PM
3

This seems like more of an attorney question. They would be able to tell you with knowledge what your best options in New York are.
/r/Divorce_Men07/11/24 05:46 PM
5

Classic DARVO.
/r/Divorce_Men12/07/24 02:52 PM
4

Always, always trust your gut. If you’re on this sub, you’ve likely read at least a few of the threads, which means you know the answer. The longer you wait, the harder it becomes (and the more deeply the lies go).
/r/Divorce_Men12/07/24 02:51 PM
1

I will say that mine tested in the high 200’s and though considered in the normal range, my doctor said he considers that low and put me in a topical testosterone treatment. That shit changed my life. Not just libido, mind set, energy, focus, everything improved. I’ve felt like a totally different person.
/r/Divorce_Men28/05/24 03:08 AM
1

This right here.
/r/Divorce_Men28/05/24 03:00 AM
1

Same
/r/Divorce_Men27/05/24 05:52 PM
2

Get a lawyer first and follow their plan. Can you retire now, before filing? Might change the income picture.
/r/Divorce_Men27/05/24 05:51 PM
2

Yep, look for those cheater apps like Signal and Snapchat. See if you can get a friend to search for her profile on some dating sites too.
/r/Divorce_Men27/05/24 05:46 PM
1

You’re just in shock still. Do NOT do the pick-me dance, it will only cause more hurt and manipulation (and the goal posts will keep moving). Focus on your self and your kids if you have any. The only thing that really works is time.
/r/Divorce_Men27/05/24 05:41 PM
1

Same. I did the pick-me dance and never forced any accountability. Now, 10 years later, I’m doing what I should’ve done then (after finding out she was cheating…..again). The upside? (If there is one) I grieved the loss of the relationship 10 years ago. Now it’s just business.
/r/Divorce_Men27/05/24 05:36 PM
1

I agree. If you were to pursue long-term with this person, this lack of disclosure will constantly haunt you. She will also start to create false equivalents and justify them based on your “hiding “ your divorce. She’s riding a new D on the side, “you know, I didn’t feel comfortable telling you yet”. That kind of shit. Chalk it up to lesson learned and move on.
/r/Divorce_Men27/05/24 03:22 PM
8

Yep, my stbx’s weakness has been old boyfriends from college (yes, plural). A habit she just can’t quit. Now that I’m fully informed, we are divorcing (after 25 years).
/r/Divorce_Men27/05/24 02:48 PM
15

As many have said, get a lawyer and follow their advice. Also, get a therapist to help you process the emotions. Do NOT use your lawyer as your therapist, you’ll go broke quickly.
/r/Divorce_Men20/05/24 04:53 PM
3

Take the child support ( if nothing else, throw it in a college fund for the kid).
/r/Divorce_Men07/05/24 09:16 PM
1

Amen.
/r/Divorce_Men30/04/24 05:55 PM
6

Not exactly, I’m in the middle of this process. I don’t intend to bring up the affair at all until after the divorce (if then). If she starts being difficult during this process and demanding the moon, then my lawyer and I will bring up the affair (and proof). It will get ugly at that point. We’re in her hometown, so she has much more to lose socially (I don’t give a crap) and to her, her image is one of the most important things - I’m just using that to my advantage. The reason for the divorce …
/r/Divorce_Men25/02/24 03:42 PM
5

If you think you can negotiate with her, that’s the least expensive path. Find a lawyer that specializes in collaborative divorce and follow their advice. My lawyer (collaborative specialist) recommended that I not bring up the affair as that will push her into hostile-mode and there will be little chance of negotiations once that happens, and when things go hostile, the legal fees pile up on both sides. In the interim, setup a separate bank account and redirect your direct deposit there. Others…
/r/Divorce_Men24/02/24 04:36 PM
7

In all her stories, is she always the victim? Run. She is one that can’t accept fault or admit to being wrong. That’s a terrible person to be with. Also, is she always jealous of what others have or their good fortune? An insecure person is no fun either.
/r/Divorce_Men22/02/24 11:53 AM
1

100% agree. When I turned 50, I had been struggling for a few years just like OP. My barber of all people recommended I get checked for Low-t. It came back low, but not clinically low. My doctor prescribed the topical gel and within 2 days, it changed my life. Unreal how different a person I’ve been the last three years. It made such an impact for me, I’m evangelical about guys getting checked if they are struggling.
/r/Divorce_Men23/01/24 04:08 PM
7

Get your testosterone checked, you may be dealing with Low-T. It will make a huge difference if that is the issue.
/r/Divorce_Men22/01/24 10:38 PM
2

Send the pain below - chevelle
/r/Divorce_Men13/07/23 12:27 PM
3

I would drag feet until your youngest is 18. That will take support and custody out of it. By drag feet, I mean the legal side.
/r/Divorce_Men27/06/23 11:23 AM
2

Yeah, fuck that.
/r/Divorce_Men25/06/23 03:36 PM
1

All of this rings so true with me. The comment about free-form journaling and rereading them later was crucial for me in dealing with it. I also allowed myself to really obsess over the timeline of things for a week or two, then one day it just clicked for me and it wasn’t nearly as painful.
/r/Divorce_Men24/06/23 12:14 AM
73

I mean, if we are going back, I’d go all the way back and walk-on by this bitch.
/r/Divorce_Men23/06/23 05:38 PM
19

Sounds like she’s been talking to someone (not necessarily a lawyer); they’re putting thoughts/strategies in her head. I would remove her as an authorized user on your cards and open your own private bank account. Route your income there. It’s not illegal, half of yours is hers and vice versa, you just don’t want to get wiped out and try to recover it through the courts.
/r/Divorce_Men19/06/23 04:08 PM
6

Disagree. Don’t tell anyone and definitely do NOT tell her or show her anything. Talk to a lawyer and get your evidence to them; follow their advice. You don’t get any do-overs - be strategic.
/r/Divorce_Men17/06/23 02:26 PM
2

https://f3nation.com/ - a group of men who support other men through fitness, fellowship and faith (it is NOT a religious-based group).
/r/Divorce_Men07/06/23 11:19 AM
2

Pawn shop guitar and YouTube - fairly cheap and you’ll learn something new. Start cutting people’s grass on the side - extra cash and you get to know some people. Look for an F3 group locally - yes, they are in small towns too.
/r/Divorce_Men06/06/23 09:11 PM
2

Unless you have a compelling reason, I would just wait. Let them have their last week at school with their friends without the distraction.
/r/Divorce_Men06/06/23 08:43 PM
1

VAR?
/r/Divorce_Men28/05/23 04:23 PM
8

I would seek advice from my attorney as to the best approach.
/r/Divorce_Men28/05/23 03:04 PM
3

That seems like a pretty quick trigger for divorce (unless you had some unhealthy or illegal pornography addiction - in that case MAYBE). Does she have an issue with you watching porn or with you jerking off (or both)?
/r/Divorce_Men26/05/23 07:14 PM
2

Brutal (but true).
/r/Divorce_Men22/05/23 09:09 PM
9

Similar story here. Year 12/13 found out about affair(s), tried to make it work. Now, year 23 talking to lawyer, about to head down the path. Should’ve ripped the bandaid off 10 years ago.
/r/Divorce_Men22/05/23 09:04 PM
1

Not sure where he lives, but North Carolina has consequences for cheaters.
/r/Divorce_Men22/05/23 12:26 PM
7

Punctuation my dude, use it.
/r/Divorce_Men20/05/23 02:57 PM
4

“…beaten down by some other woman.” Perfect lol.
/r/Divorce_Men19/05/23 07:14 PM
9

Holy shit. You read my life.
/r/Divorce_Men19/05/23 04:47 PM
4

Get screenshots of all those text messages and copy them up to a private cloud account (Google drive, etc. ). Try to find as much more evidence as you can and GET COPIES SECURED. Let the emotional wave crash and recede without tipping her off, THEN go see a lawyer for the next path forward. Good luck my brother.
/r/Divorce_Men18/05/23 04:02 PM
6

That last sentence says it all. Always remember that!
/r/Divorce_Men18/05/23 01:23 AM
1

Hookers and blow.
/r/Divorce_Men17/05/23 02:57 PM
5

I think mediation requires a level of honesty and the result should have some perspective of balance. It doesn’t sound like your ex has either. I would question how successful mediation will be. Could be that she has you running in circles while she has a more aggressive plan cooking. Edit: grammar.
/r/Divorce_Men11/05/23 12:27 AM
5

Congrats, and stay the course. When divorce decree is issued, then you can relax.
/r/Divorce_Men25/04/23 06:28 PM
4

Definitely check the laws where you are. In North Carolina, it’s a one-party consent to record state. Which means if you want to, you can, with or without the other parties consent.
/r/Divorce_Men22/04/23 06:30 PM
3

Monkey Branching.
/r/Divorce_Men20/04/23 08:22 PM
1

Great advice. Good to know as I (potentially) start down this path.
/r/Divorce_Men19/04/23 09:05 PM
1

I agree here. Naturally, your testosterone will start dropping in your 40’s. Your number may be low, but not “clinically” low (below 200). A prescription for a topical gel worked wonders for me (52yo). I have it filled using GoodRx and it’s $45/mo. Worth every penny.
/r/Divorce_Men19/04/23 09:03 PM
1

Same issue for me this year.
/r/Divorce_Men19/04/23 08:57 PM
2

Oh, I agree. I would be a bit concerned if they were giving out free consults (plus the consult creates a conflict with your stbx - that would be killing revenue streams). For me, it's $2,000 just to get 3 different consults. Of course that knocks out those attorneys for the stbx, so it's not all bad.
/r/Divorce_Men19/04/23 07:56 PM
5

Not sure where you guys are finding free consultation lawyers for divorce. In my area, they are $400 minimum just for the consultation.
/r/Divorce_Men19/04/23 06:45 PM
2

Look into new hobbies that you considered, but never did. Take guitar or piano lessons, start collecting vinyl records, start looking into home brewing, etc. all of these activities have pretty vibrant communities around them and people are generally very open to helping out/talking about them. That will help fill some of the void you feel and will give you something new to get excited about.
/r/Divorce_Men16/01/23 07:40 PM
2

This.
/r/Divorce_Men05/01/23 01:56 PM
11

Fuck her. Hit the gym. Maybe hit the driving range. Find an outlet and get off the couch. You’ll work through it.
/r/Divorce_Men22/12/22 08:33 PM
You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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