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Rollercoaster72 Archive

View 18 posts and 328 comments by Rollercoaster72 on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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2

There is a AA kind of group called SLAA it’s harder to find and most are online There is a Reddit sub
/r/Divorce_Men11/03/26 05:58 AM
2

I also never forget that day and can still remember all the details, she didn’t. I had only one conversation with her after the divorce and it turned out she remembered things which were never said and things she said she couldn’t remember herself. At that point I noticed, I am talking to a wall. So I never spoke with her again. She did write me an email afterwards to confirm I was right, not that didn’t matter to me anymore.
/r/Divorce_Men05/01/26 06:24 AM
6

This
/r/Divorce_Men25/11/25 05:30 AM
2

Same happened to me too. Directly after the moment I told I was going through seperation/divorce, things which were fine, suddenly weren’t fine anymore. I got fired the day our rental apartment got signed over to me. And 2 days before a holiday I couldn’t cancel anymore. I still was in my probation time so instead of getting paid for 3 more months, I only got paid 10 days. Totally sucked starting living alone, a divorce I didn’t want, 2 kids, 1 kid 100% the other 50%, and no job. I don’t have a …
/r/Divorce_Men22/11/25 08:55 AM
1

If you tell the kids, tell them together that you are not divorcing bc of the cancer. Tell them you departed years before and that the cancer is just a coincident. But talk before with your stxw and tell her you want to tell this. You will see what she will do with it or not
/r/Divorce_Men11/11/25 08:28 PM
2

This! But if it turns out you both don’t like those things anymore you enjoyed both, find new things you both like. Don’t give up if you think something you did years ago isn‘t fun anymore. Cross some mind borders together and challenge new things, together!
/r/Divorce_Men28/10/25 06:14 AM
3

What I experienced in a short alternative couple therapy is that you will both need to go back at the moments you fell in love and reexperience those moments together. And most important first go back to the very first moments things went wrong… That therapy was super expensive and the guy was weird, so we quit after one tryout season. Afterwards I think this was presumably the right way. But you can’t work together against 6 divorced girlfriends and an ex boyfriend from her early twenties who j…
/r/Divorce_Men28/10/25 06:11 AM
4

Like everybody else I agree with not having contact with the family after the divorce is fine. Presumably everybody was informed before you. So they all know how „shitty“ you are from her perspective. Many times the divorce starts just after the parents are informed. If the mother in law knows it than you will know too. I also totally agree that you do have a bond with your family in law. After 25 years I knew her conservative family would never speak to me again so I wrote them a thank you lett…
/r/Divorce_Men25/10/25 06:15 AM
3

Oh yeah, totally true. Don’t forget instagram as legal source
/r/Divorce_Men21/10/25 05:50 AM
1

95% of all who say this, it’s bc they fell in love with someone else. I read this in the book rebuilding from Bruce Fisher (if I remember correctly). When I got the „sentence“ I confronted her with this and she didn’t say a word. I then directly asked her and she got so mad. This was so unlike her, she hardly got mad and angry in the past 25 years. It didn’t wonder me that she didn’t want to be the one to end the marriage, she just didn’t want to look bad. That’s why they say it… It took me 2 ye…
/r/Divorce_Men08/10/25 08:20 AM
3

Oh come on, such reaction in this context, is another way of saying: I was never faithful to you and you are to blame bc you didn’t give me a ceremony. Just tell her that if you were only boy and girlfriend, you can keep everything you paid for and won‘t need to pay alimony. I get that you want the best for you children, but you can’t give her an open marriage if you don’t want to, divorce is the next step. Unless you are cockold. Stand up for yourself.
/r/Divorce_Men13/09/25 04:41 AM
16

Sounds like there is someone else waiting who isn’t completely sure, therefor she isn’t either. You are just plan B. It’s always the same, if she says she loves you but isn’t in love anymore/isn’t attracted anymore… The only thing which (perhaps) works is: let her go, don’t give her any minute of your time anymore. Had a simular situation in which I booked a none refundable holiday at the moment she said everything is fine again. Then I booked us several concert tickets, the last one was a very …
/r/Divorce_Men15/08/25 11:48 AM
6

If you are in the need to write your ex or stbxw just write it in notepad or something but never send it. It’s a good start to start a diary of your feelings.
/r/Divorce_Men11/08/25 07:13 AM
2

Yes this Don’t wait, get a lawyer and serve her the papers. Separation in this way is just her fucking fuck and to keep you as plan B. If she doesn’t love you anymore, have the respect to stand to yourself. Who wants to be together with a person who doesn’t love you anymore? And don’t crawl for her. It’s btw the best position you have right now, she is in an affair smog and you can get almost everything you want (especially with her job being so stressful)… I did the same and got everything I as…
/r/Divorce_Men15/06/25 08:59 AM
1

Can you give a concrete example of your “disordered” look at the world?
/r/Divorce_Men29/05/25 07:18 AM
3

I hate situations where the ex is there too, totally. But somebody told me, that if my daughter (now 18) grows up see’ll seek advice with her dad and not her mother. Daughter daddy relationships are special, I was told too. I first didn’t believe it till last month. She wanted advice twice, first about getting a job and being able to pay for her driving lessons. We discussed a strategy and she was all in. I didn’t expected that bc ex wrote about this in an email and wanted to do things different…
/r/Divorce_Men06/05/25 12:41 PM
6

This! If you get your ass together you will notice that she is ready to make compromises. If she is already in another relationship or even if it’s an emotional relationship she might feel guilty. This you can use for yourself. She thinks she can have everything, but she can’t. She thinks you will be gone in a second but if you follow this great advice she won’t. And that’s what you should use against her. She might react angry or submissive if you don’t comply, mostly she feels guilty and that’…
/r/Divorce_Men06/05/25 05:18 AM
12

If she lost weight before the separation, it all started before… My Ex started doing Pilates with a group of women 50% divorced. When I hear the stories from the women I said, oh no honey we are going to divorce too… that was 5 years before the separation. Last time I took her from behind, I said well that’s a nice ass. She said: I want to look good for my man… well… she didn’t mean me… I only found out years after that she already had somebody in line. Whatever… I also went to gym, after the se…
/r/Divorce_Men29/03/25 05:15 AM
2

In Germany it’s the same. I or we waited a year too. But bc there was no fight and both agreed to the divorce nobody cared when we officially were separated. It was not checked by anybody they didn’t even check how much we earned both (the earnings of both makes the price of the divorce, we could have told the judge we earned less so the court would be cheaper)… nobody makes time to check those facts if there is no fight. One doesn’t even have to have different addresses if one separates, at lea…
/r/Divorce_Men26/03/25 06:40 AM
8

I wonder if she kept AP a secret to her friends and family how and when she will introduce AP to them. After the divorce/separation? I guess you don’t know but I wonder. Do women then say we just met each other? If she is lying about how they met, how does that feel for the AP to have to lie too
/r/Divorce_Men26/03/25 06:32 AM
3

What about you just get an apartment and slowly start living there. You don’t need to divorce or officially say you are separated. It’s ofc better if you do say it, but with such threats … just go your own way. Perhaps you like fishing and get yourself a fishing cottage and start staying over there. You can move on with or without the official titles… Just my humble thoughts
/r/Divorce_Men17/03/25 04:54 PM
1

I got the apartment with garden and their her maincoon cats too… I love cats but those 2 are horrible. One loves eating more than Garfield. You can’t walk anywhere in the apartment while he is following you to tell you he didn’t eat enough. And the other one doesn’t let you lay down anywhere for he wants to sit in your arm. Both are so active at night I need to lock them in the dark bathroom so they sleep too. They wake every day between 05:00 am and 07:00 am, 07:00 am when I am lucky. They are …
/r/Divorce_Men11/03/25 06:47 AM
3

Yep I also think this is good. But perhaps I would make a call first before I would go an see her.
/r/Divorce_Men05/03/25 11:57 AM
1

Why didn’t your ex want to share custody? just curious cause my son lives with me too
/r/Divorce_Men22/02/25 05:24 AM
4

I was 25 years together with my ex-wife. It’s hard to forget. I still have a hard time with some things lost. But I try to see it from a distance. Looking at myself as a person who goes through things. Realise that feelings are just feelings you experience but are very subjective. From every angel they look differently, and all people make mistakes. I try to see the feelings of the past as memories I experienced but ones that are not here anymore, so why not look at my feelings now and looking f…
/r/Divorce_Men18/02/25 06:21 AM
2

The thoughts of men using a surrogate got into my mind lately too. If men really want to be a father nowadays and remain 100% of their time father (and not 50:50 or less) this seems to be the only way. While we constantly hear about the super women doing a job and have kids, and women being the better sex, we just let the throne taken away… without real reasons bc caring men can be the better parent too
/r/Divorce_Men30/01/25 06:51 AM
6

I wouldn’t care a minute if your son gives his mother a present. Who cares. It feels a bit like “plate envy” if you have a problem with what others get and you don’t. If you want a present from him, ask. I prefer not to become a material gift, I always ask for my birthday and Christmas for the most precious thing on earth: time. Quality time together… best gift ever
/r/Divorce_Men25/01/25 10:32 AM
1

Sounds like your ex-wife saw sex as something transactional. Like: If you do the kitchen I will fuck you. So far the love story….
/r/Divorce_Men14/01/25 07:00 AM
1

Interesting comment you make: “If she realises she burnt all this memories and best years of her life to the ground she’s ganna go panic mode” What do women do in panic mode? My ex wrote a letter to all neighbours including a line which said that the kids would live at both our places, which wasn’t and isn’t true. My son lives with me. 2 years later a neighbours asks me if my son is at my place. A bit later I realise the neighbour really thinks my son also lives at her place… we are in nc theref…
/r/Divorce_Men14/01/25 06:52 AM
1

Strange thing happened to me. It doesn’t or didn’t matter what I asked for, I got it. Expect her pension that was the only thing she didn’t want to share. But I feel strange about this. As if she wants to say later, you see I gave you everything. Or: children look now I have these problems bc of your father… others say perhaps she doesn’t want to deal with it, as long as it’s all over… last week she sold off her part of our car for a third of the price it’s worth now, the only thing she wanted w…
/r/Divorce_Men12/01/25 03:19 PM
1

That sucks! Had to do the same but told the kids who are elder before the holiday. It was a horrible holiday… I asked her not to join (cause I paid it) but she insisted to join… I asked her when we got back, what did you have or get from this holiday? She said we showed the kids that we can be amicable. I replied, we already know that but honey I will never speak to you again nor will I want to be with you in one room ever again as soon as you are gone. She just looked and left the room… I know …
/r/Divorce_Men26/12/24 01:23 AM
5

When you are not in love anymore you have the chance to explore real love, genuine real love. You won’t have this soon with any other woman. You can ofc easily fall in love with a lot of women. I wouldn’t throw away so many years just because your dick is itching… try to find out why you don’t get any cuddles and it physical love… together… if she doesn’t want to, then you can leave… But it’s easier to throw her away and follow your feelings…. And yeah it’s cheating
/r/Divorce_Men07/12/24 11:17 PM
2

It‘s called transactional sex…
/r/Divorce_Men06/12/24 06:29 AM
4

Same here… beside from washing clothes there is nothing more I have to do….
/r/Divorce_Men29/11/24 01:19 PM
3

It took me around 3 years to find out… before our separation she started using symbolic profile photos at WhatsApp with a sentence included. One profile photo was a black background with her in black clothing, and the sentence “back to black” (Amy Whinehouse song)… I asked what is wrong with you? Do you want to tell me something?… she wouldn’t say anything… I just was crazy to even think it had meaning… Long story short. 3.5 years later kids find out she has a bf with the same name as her ex boy…
/r/Divorce_Men21/11/24 11:08 PM
2

Spousal support is limited in Germany. Max is 5 years, before she has to work and will be “forced” to do so. If she already working it can be a few years less. That’s something the judge decides. Op is left with a bit more than the minimum amount of money per month you may keep to “life”. That really sucks. In that case I also considered to leave Germany. I personally set everything in motion that she would leave and not me. Everybody here says not to leave the house and I first thought that’s f…
/r/Divorce_Men20/11/24 12:06 AM
3

No she doesn’t feel any loss she feels relieve. The feelings of the dumper and the dumped are greatly described in “rebuilding - when your relation ends” from Bruce Fisher … It’s a rollercoaster but eventually you will at the end feel relieved too. You don’t want to live with a person who is able to do that… Totally sucks for now brother and it will take a lot of time
/r/Divorce_Men16/11/24 07:35 AM
10

Ofc you an try to go NoContact but it is unlikely that she will come back. As you write “she wants to find herself” it means she has an eye on somebody else or is already in another relationship. Unfortunately this is the case in 95% of all who say this, and no you are not among the 5%. If you go no contact and her new relationship doesn’t work out, there is a slight chance that she will try to get back to you. But that hardly happens. And about the chemo… she presumably met a lot of new people …
/r/Divorce_Men02/11/24 10:28 AM
1

Depends how old your children are. A friend of my son who is also 14 his father had an affair and it was exposed by the elder daughter. The parents decided not to tell the son but the daughter was other opinion and told her brother anyway. What happened after that was that the boy didn’t know what to think about his father anymore. And that is a problem they didn’t think about. So it’s a mess now. Talk with a family counsellor therapist, how to tell the kids the truth. If the parents decided to …
/r/Divorce_Men29/10/24 09:47 AM
3

First thing I did after she left was throwing out anything that had to do with her. There was only one wall with old pictures (where she isn’t in the photos, kids only) in the kitchen which my daughter didn’t want to be removed. She did the same. Every present or any object she got from me was sends back over the kids. Guess if you want your stuff to be thrown away you can leave them in the house.
/r/Divorce_Men24/10/24 06:23 AM
4

That‘s a hard question. It depends. There is a slight chance that your relation with your son gets a bit better. There are no guarantees that this will happen. He’s your son, if your ex dies he only has you left… I personally presumably wouldn’t do it.
/r/Divorce_Men24/10/24 06:18 AM
4

That is the crucial Point… you need both people to work on a marriage..
/r/Divorce_Men18/10/24 05:21 AM
2

Why did you initially wanted the divorce? How did you find out that this would all come anyway from her side later?
/r/Divorce_Men17/10/24 05:55 AM
3

It seems the only way to work this through is to become your better self. I read this here everyone also at the other divorce sub. But that goes along with having to forgive yourself for the things in the past, living live in the moment and looking forward to a little bit in the future. Enjoying things you did not yet discovered for yourself. And find any joy in life back. We all just came back from a war. And your live will never be the same again. Accept that baggage and don’t be sad about it.…
/r/Divorce_Men16/10/24 11:00 AM
2

Man You have the kids 7 days a week! That’s awesome! I occasionally also complain but my buddy who is a bit older than I am and also went through a divorce always tells me: you will miss those days so much when your kids are gone when they get older. Enjoy it He is right
/r/Divorce_Men15/10/24 05:42 AM
2

Sorry too read this mate! That totally sucks. What’s next? I feel relieved. There is a f** difference in: “I am leaving you bc you are an alcoholic” and in “I am leaving you bc I fell in love with another man”. I did take a lot of advice here and made sure to take advantage of her feeling guilty. So she left, lives in a 2 bedroom apartment. Left my son with me (daughter wanted 50:50). I am doing fine and now I am doing great.
/r/Divorce_Men12/10/24 06:24 PM
2

I Never mention her name, I refer to her to the kids as “your mother”
/r/Divorce_Men12/10/24 06:15 PM
2

And if it’s a dude from work, it can also be that there is no trace on the phone at all…
/r/Divorce_Men09/10/24 05:51 AM
2

Yeah, well the spark is the reason why people marry but the spark and even happiness is not something permanent, nor do those things grow out of nothing. There are good and bad times in marriage. Nobody took the oath like “until the spark dies”. Marriage is a hard thing to do and if there isn’t enough communication it dies these days. Even if she, in your case, isn’t run into somebodies else arm immediately, this is her goal.
/r/Divorce_Men09/10/24 05:49 AM
3

Ofc he should file. If they could get together again at one point of time, that’s great, but since the relation is unstable, it’s just better to not have the financial burden rise. Especially if she is unsure he might get the better conditions bc she is not there in thoughts. Also by him filling it puts on the pressure for her to move her thoughts and OP can start to slowly unbound her.
/r/Divorce_Men08/10/24 06:59 AM
7

95% There is a third party involved, this doesn’t have to be a lover but it is very likely. Read “rebuilding- when your relation ends” to read about all kinds of feelings appearing in the dumper and dumper. She is so relieved bc this status is normal for the dumper. She begins with the relieve, and you will end with relieve. Don’t worry she will also go through the rollercoaster of feelings. Just don’t try to get her back. Think of you and your kids, that’s a lot anyway
/r/Divorce_Men08/10/24 04:58 AM
3

She was 49 when she showed me this…
/r/Divorce_Men04/10/24 06:38 AM
2

A femal friend showed me her bumble App: she got around 900 likes a day. She made a selection of men: they all looked the same, exactly the way she liked a man. She could then pick them by size and profession.
/r/Divorce_Men04/10/24 05:51 AM
1

Didn’t work for us, since she interpreted “put a hold on everything before everything escalates” as “it is okay to start to look for an apartment for herself”… But I do think we should have stayed there to at least find rational good solutions for the kids. Besides who takes them in the holidays nothing was discussed.
/r/Divorce_Men03/10/24 08:51 AM
11

You shouldn’t: Single Father Households Do Vastly Better Than Single Mother ! https://medium.com/the-knowledge-of-freedom/single-father-households-do-vastly-better-than-single-mother-heres-the-real-reason-why-8a7fd7c5611d
/r/Divorce_Men02/10/24 06:43 PM
3

No I would not marry a woman if such claims are already visible. I do think you should thank her very very much before you say far well. Give her a big bunch of flowers.
/r/Divorce_Men02/10/24 05:31 AM
16

As if she can’t explore yoga, exercising and new hobbies with you around… total bollocks… well guess what the only thing is you can’t explore together if you were living in a monogamy? I totally get that you are depressed now. So much time. It feels like it was stolen, at least that is what I think after 25 years… and 40 is quite some more time…
/r/Divorce_Men30/09/24 10:58 AM
2

Yeah me too. This is the only real disagreement OP told us, so I guess this is all what it’s about. The mother is presumably right here and not OP. Unless the “number of issues” are really valid, but that doesn’t sound like it. And we know none. I would advise OP to grab your balls and do what is right for your child, get all vaccinations possible while your kid is growing up, listen to your wife and be a kind and good husband. You can’t compromise on vaccines. Like you can’t be half pregnant. A…
/r/Divorce_Men23/09/24 04:30 AM
3

It’s personal I think and it definitely depends on the new partner. On the other hand the acceptance of a new partner won’t be easier in time. It’s easier for a toddler to get a new/another mommy than for a teenager to get a stepmother. Especially if the new partner also has kids. You can imagine that: bringing together teenagers or toddlers/young kids… But for they are so young, the probability that you get an other break up while they are under 18 is ofc very likely. If you don’t feel the desi…
/r/Divorce_Men22/09/24 04:30 AM
3

Always agreed on, doesn’t count anymore…
/r/Divorce_Men20/09/24 06:39 PM
2

Yeah me too, as I am sober now for almost 2 years I get it. You could give it a try but remain separated for a while… For myself I wouldn’t take her back. Her actions after the separation were beneath anything I could imagine, my love for her died instantly.
/r/Divorce_Men19/09/24 11:29 AM
1

In the world I live in, men can marry each other.
/r/Divorce_Men19/09/24 11:16 AM
4

He can do what he wants to at least where I live. My 14 year old son lives with me since he is 13. He visits his mother one evening/night in the week and has lunch with her once a week. He says he doesn’t want to go but he wants to be a good son. There was no judge involved nor a lawyer. Oh and yes she pays cs to me, we calculated the amount with an online cs calculator. She does it out of free will, if she wouldn’t I can sue her.
/r/Divorce_Men19/09/24 11:11 AM
0

Medikation addiction is worse than alcohol addiction. Is she addicted to her meds? Does she really need them? But does that matter? It seems she has made up her mind anyway… when my ex said that she doesn’t love me the way I do, it was over for me. Why would I stay with somebody who doesn’t love me. I made sure she left and not me and filed for divorce.
/r/Divorce_Men19/09/24 11:07 AM
1

Since your kids are teens, there is absolutely no need to call nor message. After my first happy birthday wish from ex I blocked her everywhere except her email. So we email. I open her email when I want to, and don’t look very often at my email. In case in any emergency, make sure your kids have your number as emergency number with them so you don’t miss the real emergencies. Other than that I really don’t know what other emergencies there are.
/r/Divorce_Men18/09/24 02:02 PM
4

The „ha Let’s you take Care of them now“ Sounds very familiar to me. My ex said: “it will do you good to take care of the kids” Well now I need to do washing of their clothes too, but that’s basically it. All the other duties I already did. (Forgot the garden, but doing the garden now too was a blessing from heaven.) And washing the clothes is fun now, we don’t do this on a daily basis anymore (imagine the electricity bill went down awesomely) but once a week it’s washing day. And my teens even …
/r/Divorce_Men17/09/24 10:48 PM
4

A bit?
/r/Divorce_Men16/09/24 01:44 PM
2

mostly people start showing their ugly face once the D word is out. And at that point… you really don’t want to be with this other person anymore. So it’s over and the person you loved is just gone. No people won’t be automatically more happy if they divorce, it takes quite a while to be a normal person again. Everybody has an own timeline to be able to do so. And btw I personally think that happiness has nothing to do with divorce. Happiness is a ground or base feeling; you can be happy at any …
/r/Divorce_Men13/09/24 08:58 AM
1

The most valuable thing you have in your life is time. If you ask people on their deathbed if they regret something; the only regrets they have, are not having spent more time with people they loved. Just believe in yourself that you will make it and take that time with your kids, the rest will come.
/r/Divorce_Men13/09/24 12:11 AM
2

That might be true, but what counts is how you deal with the end. And that is another story. People don’t communicate and once the last drop in the bucket spills the water they end it badly.
/r/Divorce_Men12/09/24 11:59 PM
3

I don’t understand why you didn’t delete and block her in the first place. You would never have known that she unblocked you. It’s presumably bc she dated and it all sucked out like one other wrote her; her AP broke up with her.
/r/Divorce_Men12/09/24 05:28 AM
7

There is a sub especially for this theme alienation: https://www.reddit.com/r/ParentalAlienation/s/Mk1QmQXxP7
/r/Divorce_Men12/09/24 05:24 AM
4

I would never marry again. But here in this country, your family status after divorce will always be divorced and never single. This is not very important but the bank looks at it. For a divorced person likely has other financial obligations, I guess next time I get a loan at the bank I need to prove that I don't pay alimony. I would advice to all men never to marry. If she wants to marry, give her the ceremony and don't file the papers. I don't think not marrying is a big problem. Living togeth…
/r/Divorce_Men07/09/24 04:43 AM
2

Did you overread one of the main advices here: don't leave the house? Sorry you got into this man!
/r/Divorce_Men06/09/24 05:07 AM
3

Did you tell her you will divorce her if she doesn't stop? As a dry alcoholic now, I wished this was said at least once. I drank too much from Covid till the day she said she is done. The only response from her was "I don't like see it when you drink", but never contained any consequences. So I drank somewhere she didn't see me. And I never took that very seriously bc I didn't like her too in other situations. It might be a weak excuse for me to say that but it wasn't said that if I continue she…
/r/Divorce_Men05/09/24 12:17 PM
1

Oh come on, she waited for 8 years for you to change? Why marry somebody who needs to be changed first. That's bollocks man. Either she takes you as you are, or not. And if she wanted to grow with you, there definitely was a miscommunication from her side. We men cannot love? Yeah right. She wants you to feel guilty eventhough she breaks up. Ofc men can love and yes it's not about working and status or cars. There are always 2 guilty in a divorce, don't let her get into your mind now that's all …
/r/Divorce_Men04/09/24 03:40 PM
4

That would confirm my theory, if you did it once you can do it twice.
/r/Divorce_Men02/09/24 05:10 AM
8

Because if you know how to do something, it's get easier the second time. Ofc one can say they didn't learn how to fix their problems and remarried too quickly but I don't think that's the main problem. We all will never be perfect, it's just easier to see the problems coming with the knowledge gained after the first divorce. And that doesn't mean one didn't work on her or himself. Since women break up 70% of the divorces, it would be interesting to know if this is also the case for the second d…
/r/Divorce_Men01/09/24 09:39 PM
3

Mate, you think you destroyed it. Surely you are guilty, but to 50% don't take anything more. There are always 2 involved here, no matter what happened. Don't take it too hard. You will make mistakes in the future too, it's part of life.
/r/Divorce_Men01/09/24 08:19 AM
1

I dont have any advice or guidance only my own experiences and opinion. How hard broken it makes you; you can't change your ex anymore. My teens (14, 17) had their first week since a year together with their mom (yes first week) and went on a holiday together. I can give her almost a full analyses what all went wrong and why my son now doesn't want to sleep over anymore (he went to her for a night a week for half a year). And I did consider to tell her. I am sure she would like to do best for he…
/r/Divorce_Men28/08/24 06:23 AM
1

Be happy that you have your kids fulltime. In that case I would just stop paying CS, she should pay you CS. I would really wonder if she can ever turn this around again. School will be their main base for years. If you need to go to court to get CS from her, do so. I personally just wouldn't pay CS anymore and ask her to pay. There are online calculators in my country to calculate CS in different situations... I wonder why women something like that. My Ex too, she left, took a too small apartmen…
/r/Divorce_Men20/08/24 05:29 AM
1

Money you can get at any time in your life, the time you spend with the kids is not infinite. They are only kids once, do everything possible to get the time with your kids. Yeah 50:50 sucks when you earn more you pay. I don't know why assets don't go into the calculation of CS... don't get that. If you apply here for social security money you have to eat your assets first.
/r/Divorce_Men20/08/24 05:15 AM
7

Hmmm this happened to me. I Changed the world around, when she screamed it's over, took me 2.5 months to get her back. After 2 months I dailey told her (as useual the past 24 years) I love her and she started with saying "I don't love you the same" and when she answered multiple times in a row "I don't love you" I got rid of her and made sure she would leave the house. I am sure her divorced girlfriends & Co made sure she stayed on her path to divorce. I filled.
/r/Divorce_Men17/08/24 09:56 AM
4

That sucks so bad :-( And I thought my 24 years were long... what I dislike most is the time she stole from me...
/r/Divorce_Men12/08/24 04:45 AM
1

Well I am not so sure if that's real friendship or at least the way I would devine friendship
/r/Divorce_Men06/08/24 06:56 PM
2

I have 2 good platonic girlfriends irl, met them in a period my ex and I were seperated in year 7 of our 25 years relationship. Over the years, I see one more than the other and that changes. It's fun. And like one write here, they do introduce other women to me which was great after the seperation. I find it also very good to hear the female perspective of my situation and I talked a lot with my female friends after the seperation, that helped me a lot. I had several dates over bumble after the…
/r/Divorce_Men06/08/24 04:15 AM
5

I knew that after the seperation I would never hear from my ex parents in law again. I found that unhuman, for I have been part of their family for 25 years. It just means or feels like: you were never really part of their family. Everything was fake. But whatever, I wrote them a handwritten nice letter in which I thanked for the 2.5 decades we had been seeing eachother and wished them the best of all, and even complimented them being best grandparents ever (not treu at all, but I wanted to be j…
/r/Divorce_Men05/08/24 06:21 AM
6

My neighbour told me that when ever she sees my ex in the streets it doesn't take long before she starts crying in the middle of the streets after asking how she is coping with the divorce. I once saw her on the streets, while she didn't while I drove by, looking really really bad/sad. Last week she had my son and daughter for the first time in a year for a week to go on a short holiday. I realized I have had both my kids 26 times for a week since a year (and my son 51 weeks) where she had them …
/r/Divorce_Men04/08/24 09:45 AM
5

Treu but any changes in the law can make a prenup invalid, so to be 100% sure: don't marry
/r/Divorce_Men29/07/24 10:13 AM
5

Yep I am doing so too now. My son thought marriage is just a title girls want to have and a prenup should work everything out. I explained him that marriage is a financiel bounding and a prenup can help but won't 100%ly. So if your girl wants a title for your relation, I'll marry you both and give you a fictional title and we will make a hughe party for the 2 of you. Whatever title she wants boy, but don't sign a marriage contract.
/r/Divorce_Men29/07/24 10:11 AM
3

Daughter and daddy relationships are always special, but that comes later. Just be the best possible dad you can be, make great memories, make your own traditions, go shopping with them and don't always say yes bc they melt your hard away. You are their first love, show them what a good man is and talk about your feelings (not your feelings about your ex).
/r/Divorce_Men20/07/24 04:51 AM
3

Yep and having the kids 50% will give her time to love her new lover, she will have it all...
/r/Divorce_Men17/07/24 11:44 AM
6

Try to fix it harder... divorce or seperation and only seeing your kids 50% just sucks ... it really really really suck
/r/Divorce_Men13/07/24 10:08 AM
2

Oh okay, get it, not sure if German law applies to you then at all
/r/Divorce_Men11/07/24 03:46 PM
2

Are you still living together? I guess you need to get the seperation official, on the other hand you will have to share your income to 4/7 both. But she also has to... it's level by law in Germany unless you just don't do it and she doesn't ask for it. I wouldn't pay her bills unless it's the rent or electricity etc. your not obligated to pay her phone bill, cause you don't be to do so even if you are married.. Best advice is always: go see a lawyer. And throw her out of the house if you live t…
/r/Divorce_Men11/07/24 01:58 PM
2

Redecorate everything. Remove any picture from her. Through away old furniture and get cheap secondhand new ones. Paint them over in your style. I did and it's fine for me now. The only place remembering our past, is a spot in the kitchen where there are photos and drawings from the kids when they were younger. I would have removed them but my daughter wanted it to remain there. I also did the garden and bought a Jakuzi, mainly for the kids and they love it. I started planting lots of seeds in s…
/r/Divorce_Men11/07/24 07:48 AM
7

She initiated, I filled the divorce
/r/Divorce_Men06/07/24 02:38 PM
4

Just my humble thoughts... Between the age of 40 and roundabout 55 women get into menopause (Sometimes earlier). Many have hormon changes like teenagers. Many don't get enough Oxytocin anymore and their get more Testosteron. Oxytocin is the cuddle hormon women have a lot from. Women get happy if you cuddle them and touch them bc of Oxytocin. Also being a mom having children, protecting her family is an Oxytocin thing. Men though get happy if they accomplish things, men get happy if you give them…
/r/Divorce_Men06/07/24 07:37 AM
6

I don't believe that for a second. If a woman says she is not attracted to you anymore it means, she is more attracted to somebody else. Doesn't mean that she slept with this person, but somebody got her attraction more than you did. Some old love or co-worker got into her mind... Especially if the reason is a combination"we grew apart", and wanting to have you back (didn't work out with the third party). If one of 2 isn't honoust about oneself, she definitely has right with the sentence: "you g…
/r/Divorce_Men06/07/24 06:26 AM
5

Passing on my lastname to my children is the only reason we married for me. She said if you want your kids to have your lastname we should be a little familie and marry me. I said ok and 3 weeks later she had everything organized. It wasn't romantic at all which was fine with me. Professionally and at fb she kept her last name, and officially added mine to hers so it would be easier when she would travel with the kids alone. Couldn't care less if she keeps my surename or not. If I write her an e…
/r/Divorce_Men06/07/24 06:18 AM
1

This... plan A is another guy...
/r/Divorce_Men05/07/24 06:34 AM
1

Omg Living together will be the same as marriage in the UK... damm that sucks! On the other hand, my uncle and aunt never married but lived together in the netherlands. He had a bad paying job and she hardly worked bc of medical issues. My dear uncle suddenly died so my aunt was left with nothing basically. When my uncle got sick they wanted to marry quickly but there wasn't enough time, 4 months after he got sick he died. Still it was possible for my aunt to get their relationship into certain …
/r/Divorce_Men05/07/24 05:32 AM
1

Daugther ist 17, she is here 7 days and then gone 7 days. We see eachother on every tuesday evening at the fitness club bc she wanted to do sports with me. Thursdayevenings I see her also at the fitness club but we don't make an appointment for that. Just saw her and brought her to her mom. But I hardly hear from her otherwise when she is at her mothers. Only for organisational stuff if really nessacary, I don't want to disturb her when she is at her mothers. My wife didn't had a room for my son…
/r/Divorce_Men04/07/24 08:20 PM
3

I realized that there are women who don't know how to make a good foto of them selves or who are just not fotogenik. I dated some women who looked on their Profil Foto like a low average looking woman and turned out to be as pretty as you can think off. The oposite is ofc also treu, some fotogenik woman look like shit irl.
/r/Divorce_Men04/07/24 05:48 AM
1

It depends on their age and what and how many things they want to move around. I guess with small kids you can do 2 2 5 5 but as soon as they get older that won't be possible. My daughter (17) changes every week (7 7) and each week it's like she goes on a holiday. Her bag is so big I need to drive her eventhough we live very close (1 mile). I guess girls will move way more stuff around than boys.
/r/Divorce_Men03/07/24 10:42 AM
8

"Leaning towards divorce" means "I want to get the f**k out and don't know how to say it"... Let her go https://www.instagram.com/reel/C3Qi_Kzp4jr/?igsh=MXJqems0bDdyanptMg==
/r/Divorce_Men02/07/24 05:18 AM
2

I know, that is not a pre-nup as I know it. But you can basically write anything into a pre-nup... I mean marriage started as something different, like a prince and a princess marring to prevent wars, or together start a war against another kingdom... just check the wars england had with the netherlands, they ended with a marriage. Adding plastic surgary after birth into a pre-nup isn't that unuseual I guess. I heard from many women that they were offered this from their husbands anyway... It's …
/r/Divorce_Men29/06/24 07:56 AM
2

😁 It doesn't help to have regular sex either... we had 1-2 times a week sex, went on our first holiday alone without the kids (October 2022). Had sex 1-2 times a day, even fucked on a lonely beach ... we had 1 fight about nothing ( I took a wrong turn on a road but that wasn't even important, that road also let to the road we wanted anyway) then she tells me she only likes me and I am funny but that's it. I didn't really got it, for she didn't say she doesn't love me anymore. I asked her why did…
/r/Divorce_Men28/06/24 05:26 PM
5

I have been watching a female online lawyer at Instagram... she insist that women should get a prenup too. But the thing is, she advices to also include stuff like getting new breasts after giving birth, sucking of belly fett etc, insisting to not work x years after divorce etc. And Ofc she says women should also insist on 50:50 of your retirement, take half of the house etc... I am fine with that women want a prenup too, for then you can see at that moment if you wanna break up instantly or not…
/r/Divorce_Men28/06/24 12:21 PM
2

Yeah bromancing
/r/Divorce_Men28/06/24 12:14 PM
10

My ex said that she had to choose between 2 evils; leaving me and destroy our family, or stay and destroy herself. She choose herself and left (I told her she should leave if she doesn't love me anymore, for I don't want to be with somebody who doesn't love me. And bc of this sub I had the corrage to say I won't leave this apartment). My neighbour sees her regulary on the street and each time she asks her about the kids or how she is or feels, she starts crying in the middle of the street... my …
/r/Divorce_Men28/06/24 06:05 AM
3

It's not your problem anymore with who she will be happy with. Go no contact that helped me a lot. She doesn't exist anymore for you so it's not worth a minute of thoughts. Keep your body moving go gor the gym or at least for long walks, and try to find new things to do with the time you will now have.
/r/Divorce_Men27/06/24 05:19 PM
3

Don't use your daughter as communicator between you and your ex. Don't talk about money with the kids. Just my thoughts
/r/Divorce_Men27/06/24 06:45 AM
2

It's a bit different for me... kids 14 and 17. she just left her son (14) with me and daughter does 50:50, so she pays CS to me... eventhough our daughter does 50:50 I need to pay her CS for her bc I earn more, but that's less than what she needs to pay for our son... as soon as one leaves the nest I will need to pay around 80% per child till they finished a study... I could start working 50% so we both need to pay equally but I'm not sure if that's worth it...
/r/Divorce_Men21/06/24 06:06 AM
2

I would leave out the karma thing. And yeah financially I just can't rely or support anybody else anymore. I don't have enough years left to allow that... and 2 kids who want to study soon
/r/Divorce_Men21/06/24 05:35 AM
7

Don't be sad for some who chose a 304 life
/r/Divorce_Men19/06/24 06:10 PM
4

Just think about the fact that not everybody is equal and not everybody has the same values as you do. Just accept that people are different and everybody is doing his or her best they are. You don't need to forgive her, but you can accept that people are different and many can't do better than you'd wish for. So leave that as a fact and try to concentrate on you, check what you did wrong and try to fix yourself on those places where you could have been better. Your life is about you, make yours…
/r/Divorce_Men19/06/24 06:04 AM
1

Well mostly the women realize that they need to find themselves at this age (menopause can be an accelerator). And it is quit popular these days to find one's authentic self, Instagram and Facebook are full of it, no matter what age ... and that has nothing to do with age/work/marriage/kids ...
/r/Divorce_Men16/06/24 11:25 AM
1

She obviously is (or was) in love... not with you though... I noticed this too while online dating, almost all women were the ones who initiated. There are some good reasons to divorce, and I always asked about this. As soon as I noticed the reason sucked (in my opinion) I ended the date. I found one who didn't break up herself who I really liked and wanna keep her ;-) they are out there! Women initiated bc he had an affaire or widows are good I personally found good...
/r/Divorce_Men13/06/24 05:29 AM
3

I noticed this too after the kids were born, her libido went down and decided I would propose a day in the week were we would have sex. There were only a few moments a week were we would be without kids (when the kids were both at sports) and we took those slots (1-2 hours) to have sex. We did this till a day before she wanted to end our marriage. I asked her why did you have sex with nee eventhough you were thinking of leaving, she said: I also have my needs. (When I told this to my female frie…
/r/Divorce_Men11/06/24 06:23 AM
1

I wouldn't call it sacrifice, I at least don't see it as a sacrifice; it is unconditional love we have for our children. And It's not a men only thing, there are many women who have this too. OP's wife just isn't one of them.
/r/Divorce_Men09/06/24 05:04 AM
7

Don't take her back. She will get bored again and do the same again. She got away with it then and knows she can always get away with that. Her feelings for you aren't that big else she never would have want to break up. Now she is prepared to take less. But it ofc also depends on if you are hurt by the divorce or not. I first thought that it would be fine if she would reach out to me and try again. But the pain she gave me by divorcing was so bad. I don't want to be with somebody who hurt me so…
/r/Divorce_Men09/06/24 04:51 AM
3

With 50:50 coming up the cs will also go down. The 2100$ is presumably calculated for a 30:70 situation...
/r/Divorce_Men07/06/24 05:18 AM
2

You have to go nc yourself. Block all her numbers and messangers. Tell her it's email only, and only email in important cases. If you need to organize bc of your kid, get an APP for it.
/r/Divorce_Men05/06/24 09:49 PM
3

Kind of funny, cause this is mostly the reason why women break up and tell the kids will be okay bc of this reason... I met a woman I really like and have been dating over 3 months but have no idea how and when to introduce her to my kids... I met one of her daughters while we were at a fleemarket by coincident... but that's about it
/r/Divorce_Men04/06/24 04:45 PM
4

That's funny! What I wondered about is that my ex described me to my neighbour as somebody with who one always could have a good time and that we laughed a lot together. And basically all other things many women are looking for at OLD... Don't get any expectations before a date. Mostly turns out that she lied about something (age, looks) or that something else is off. Being friends is mostly out of the question, "I already have enough friends" I heard a lot... If you are just out of a relationsh…
/r/Divorce_Men04/06/24 05:26 AM
2

I totally agree. And even if you co patent you don't need reconcilliation, being polite is enough. And forgiveness is easiest to do by just to accept that some people just can't do any better as they do or have done in comparison to yourself.
/r/Divorce_Men01/06/24 12:43 PM
9

Sorry to hat hear that .... 46f? Is she in the menopause or entering it? Feels like women entering this phase of life very often just want to return to their 20's, don't feel family anymore and fuck around... but that's just my opinion It will be a rollercoaster of feelings for you now, but you will make it and life will be better!
/r/Divorce_Men30/05/24 06:44 AM
6

That Promise to the children sounds so familiar to me. She did the same. I wondered why she put this in our "hallo kids we are getting a divorce statement". I think women do this bc if a new partner is there soon or immediately children will think automatically: she exchanged dad for her new partner. And that will never go away and they will hate her for a long time for that. But mostly it's just another third party not a new partner. A friend from her past over Facebook/Instagram, a girlfriend …
/r/Divorce_Men27/05/24 12:51 PM
9

After 6 years I broke up with her, we didn't really communication. We got to gether after a year with 2 promises: she wanted to have kids and a family, I wanted more communication. My condition: our purpose is to get old together and never break up bc coming from a seperated Familie I didn't want to let my children experience the same. Better communication never happened. 18 years later she broke the promises... And yesterday she asked for better or normal communication ... I stay with the facts…
/r/Divorce_Men24/05/24 08:31 AM
2

I visit AA meetings since the seperation, never drank again. I don't have a problem with not drinking and yes I see what you mean that visiting 12 steps meetings are benificial in anything. I just thought she was an alcoholic bc you want there and you aren't a dry alcoholic
/r/Divorce_Men23/05/24 12:06 PM
3

Is she an alcoholic? I mean why do you visit Al Anon? Great you changed your live! Be so proud of yourself.
/r/Divorce_Men23/05/24 06:35 AM
2

Your kids are old enough (like mine also 14 and 17) to decide what and where they want to be. Still they are kids and you still need to be parented, especially now. My ex is also not parenting and that totally sucks. Many of such incedents though are bc one of the kids wants something and mom just complies. You have to be cool, and in some way get the ex on the same train. That is unfortunately not always possible. Make a log of all such incedents. Date, time, what happened (short). Don't get an…
/r/Divorce_Men20/05/24 06:32 AM
1

Sharing issues and needs is not communication. You need to start to communicate about your feelings and about the real you and her. Growing together is the ultimate thing you can do. The shared nest btw is rarely functioning good. And as it seems your stbxw doesn't even know about her luck yet. It can be very toxic after she knows.
/r/Divorce_Men17/05/24 04:40 AM
7

Happened to me too. I was the bad guy, and at the end drank too much. I changed, stopped drinking immediately never drank again. Started workouts dating her more again etc. she gave me another chance but within 3 months when I said I love her she started saying: she does not. Her attraction for me went away and you can't get that back by changing. She is telling everybody she fell in love with my darkside. How does one ever going to get that fixed? I told her I do not want to be with somebody wh…
/r/Divorce_Men17/05/24 04:15 AM
12

I had to finally delete her from all messageners and get back to email like I proposed from the beginning. I couldn't see those ever smiling and laughing Profil Fotos, as if it did not matter to her at all... 2 days later I drive by her apartment to drop off my 17 y.o daughter and saw her walking on the street entering her apartment moments before I stop.... she was alone not noting me or anybody else and I finally see her sad sad face. No it's not my business not my monkeys, but it did feel rea…
/r/Divorce_Men07/05/24 06:41 AM
6

I am not a single father anymore! Yeah I now have one evening/night every 2 weeks for myself... ummpf It's a hard job but I wouldn't want to swap my life with all dads who don't or hardly see their children at all. Don't forget that OP!
/r/Divorce_Men02/05/24 10:05 AM
1

since when did you stop to speak to your mother? We get along very good (me and my son) but I realized that having to live with me made him having to feel good with me, because he had no other option to go to. It must have felt like the last possibility to have a place to live. When I go out late, he writes me; come home safe. That's terrible I think.
/r/Divorce_Men01/05/24 06:23 PM
1

I can't understand women who do something like that. My stbxw got herself a 2 room Apartment with no room for my son (almost 14) but only for my daughter (17). So my son lives with me. I only met her once (Januar 2024) since seperation (august 2023) to talk about this situation and tried to tell her that it is best for her and the relation with our son to get a bigger Apartment so he could also stay. Found out lately she didn't do a thing to change this... I feel sorry for my son. He has nothing…
/r/Divorce_Men26/04/24 05:11 AM
1

Yes but as useal not enough and she also did... And many freelancers don't do that at all
/r/Divorce_Men24/04/24 03:15 PM
1

But he very likely will need to pay for his children and perhaps alimony, Germany and the USA have a good connection. She will be able to sue him in Germany and get the money she wants and he needs to pay. If he leaves he will pay child support at the maximum amount.
/r/Divorce_Men24/04/24 05:08 AM
1

What sucks is that retirement pay is spilt 50:50 (if you don't have a prenup) everybody who has a job pays into the public retirement fond. If you are a freelancer though you don't pay into this fond, you have to take care of yourself then. Mostly the one who earns less has a normal job and pays into this fond. I was a freelancer for 10 years in our marriage, and didn't pay into the public fond but I will automatically get half of what she has paid into this fond. This calculation is the only th…
/r/Divorce_Men24/04/24 04:55 AM
2

It can still be a lot in Germany but alimony mostly has to be paid for 5 years at the max and it is gender independent, the one who earns more is the one to pay. There is though an obligatory seperation year in which income is shared (to soften the income reduction if one of the two earns less) but one of the two needs to go to court to get it. This first year of 50:50 income is by law but if you don't do this both and no one complains you can't get this money in reverse. I for example don't pay…
/r/Divorce_Men24/04/24 04:42 AM
3

I knew I would never hear from my ex parents in law again after the seperation, but I found that after 25 years that kind of unpolite. So I wrote them a (farewell &) thank you letter with super kind stuff. And I asked them to call my son and daughter once in a while, especially my son for he lives with me and will hardly see his grandparents. They never did that before, but they did call my son twice over a 4 month time period. It's not much but it's something. They wrote me back that they appri…
/r/Divorce_Men09/04/24 11:06 AM
2

Same here.. sure I drank too much and was an ahole a lot, but I did change and listened to her when she said something about it. But at the end it for sure was the menopause which changed everything. And it's really bad for her too I think. She can't even remember the things we said to our children when we told them we broke up and how they reacted... 25 years gone. And she can hardly remember things... I met some women now who are passed the menopause or still in the menopause not sure if there…
/r/Divorce_Men02/04/24 09:20 AM
7

If you are depressed, don't go on dates or OLD. Make sure you get out, work on your self, start with taking long walks. You don't want to, your body doesn't want to. The way to do it is by diszeplin, kick that body if yours out. Make it move, make your brain see other thing instead of your room. Yes go to a club or a bar and watch around. Your brain is in a loopwhole, force it out of the loop. If that all doesn't work get anti depressiv medication (then don't date either cause you might not even…
/r/Divorce_Men21/03/24 08:18 AM
1

Yep, never got my ladder back
/r/Divorce_Men18/03/24 08:31 AM
2

I didn't read all comments when I wrote this. Some say living together is good enough to not pay alimony, I think that might be right too.
/r/Divorce_Men14/03/24 05:41 AM
2

That's what I thought
/r/Divorce_Men14/03/24 05:28 AM
3

If she is married he doesn't have to pay alimony anymore right? If So forget it's a crime
/r/Divorce_Men14/03/24 05:26 AM
9

I got a letter of the electricity company on Valentine's day... she is gone half a year now and I got 1400€ back for using less electricity! The washing machine now only works once a week instead of daily. So I am gonna buy me something nice today ;-)
/r/Divorce_Men15/02/24 05:01 AM
1

Totally agree this is totally heartless and perhaps even gaslightning.
/r/Divorce_Men24/11/23 08:13 AM
1

Because she was pregnant and I asked what would be the surname of our child. She said my surename it will get. I said I don't like that. She: if you want it to have your surname we should be a family and marry. I said: ok. 2 weeks later she was done with organizing everything.
/r/Divorce_Men28/10/23 07:49 AM
2

Good! Considering your username I would try to stop with any drug (not nicotine, you can do that later). Also check out if additionally to AA if a SLAA meeting would be good for you too.
/r/Divorce_Men24/10/23 02:56 AM
2

That is very unlikely to get effects after 2 months.. 24-72 hours would be normal for a tripper... but I am not a doctor. I guess it's game over for your marriage, even if she agrees to work on things. This will come back later, when your kids are old enough. I didn't realize this, but the same thing happened to me 12 years prior to my seperation/divorce. I thought we solved the issue... we didn't. It was just a delay. Perhaps starting 12 step meetings, get theraphy and couples theraphy right aw…
/r/Divorce_Men23/10/23 04:13 AM
2

The same resident
/r/Divorce_Men05/10/23 04:34 AM
1

Guess you are right, we should be kind. I at least need to learn to be more kind or express kindness. But I doubt that bringing bad news is kindness right? On the other hand she explicitly asked for it. So why not...
/r/Divorce_Men04/10/23 07:13 AM
1

Thanks too! Your answer makes me think too, should I at least write a nice letter to my soon to be parents in law? We aren't divorced yet, we are seperated and need to be seperated a year to get divorced. They are very conservative. They knew a little bit of our problems. The last time I saw my mother in law she stayed over with us for the first time in 25 years. She thought everything was okay between us again because I really have changed, and she said for the first time she felt welcome. Well…
/r/Divorce_Men04/10/23 03:56 AM
15

A friend of mine had a relationship with a really pretty british girl (has 2 small kids) she wanted to marry. He denied cause of his bad experiences with his own divorce. She broke up. 6 months later she was married. We were like WTF! And still are
/r/WhereAreAllTheGoodMen03/10/23 06:40 AM
2

I mean you could tell her, but she didn't reach out herself either. And you are only bringing the bad news... that isn't really nice either. If she was in contact with her ofc I would tell her. But she wasn't. Many answers here are kind of full with hate. I get that but it seems you are not, and that is good. I think you make the right thoughts to think about telling her. But I don't think either that you should contact her to tell her. No. It is sad that one can be on and off of family. I don't…
/r/Divorce_Men02/10/23 11:58 PM
1

Did I write she was mine? No
/r/Divorce_Men02/10/23 11:34 PM
-1

Yeah that sucks, menopause puberty does exist still it's her life not ours
/r/Divorce_Men02/10/23 02:22 PM
1

You might be right. I'll tell you if you were. Soul snatcher btw sounds like witch...
/r/Divorce_Men02/10/23 05:51 AM
4

Yeah that sucks... but you have to...it is important for the mental state of the children to be able to build up a relation with both parents. They can decide later themselves who is right are wrong. Trying to influance your children in any way might get them to hate you later, so I would try to push away your own feelings, you are the adult here, so act like one. But it depends ofc on how old the children are, at some point you can't lie anymore. Btw do you want to be together with someone who …
/r/Divorce_Men02/10/23 05:36 AM
1

She looked good on her fotos. But when she opened her mouth all teeth were going in different directions and she hid that big ass very well on her foto... way to big for me. Not attractive to me and I don't fuck unattractiv anymore. In my twenties I had sex with so many women I don't know with how many. At the end just taking any ass felt like self rape. I didn't realize I am pretty, my mother always said you look average... I will only take the prettiest (in my opinion) or mentally most attract…
/r/Divorce_Men01/10/23 07:19 PM
1

Check Check Check! Thanks! I reread her profil it doesn't says "no fwb" I have misinterpeted that or it was changed... It says: " empathic open to new things Want to travel ... visit concerts... are you in?" (II hate those empathic texts in profiles.) Guess I'll take the hay stack then ;-)
/r/Divorce_Men30/09/23 11:31 PM
1

Thanks for your long answer! 75% of the women.... Yeah that is what I think too... and that they are all broken kind of feels that way too... That 's why I think I should just grab my chance and have sex with a tall skinny blondy as long as I (we) want to... I started dating 7 weeks ago had a date every week. And I did learn a lot. Especially like you said.. learning to talk to women... I am very attentional at the moment about what I say and how I mean it. Some jokes I made were not funny and I…
/r/Divorce_Men30/09/23 10:39 AM
2

Impossible... our apartment is not even 300 metres away from her job. And this apartment is a dream in a big city. In the middle of the scene, complete silence at night, and with a garden... But yes I am already moving forwards and that is a great feeling. Thanks!
/r/Divorce_Men30/09/23 10:25 AM
2

Thanks! Yes I am aware of that but I kind of do want to fuck with her. That's what I want to be honest ;-) That is not possible though without having some kind of bond... I didn't thought I would get over 25 years of relationship quick, I thought it would take years. I went no contact with my stbxw. Last week I had to do some groceries and I just knew I would see stbxw. The question arose, if I would ignore her like I told her I would, say hello or hug her. I did see her and I decided before I w…
/r/Divorce_Men30/09/23 07:45 AM
5

Pumped and dumped... I am gonna write this one down :-)))
/r/Divorce_Men30/09/23 05:33 AM
2

Well for sure you can't make her pregnant anymore... so if you are up to new experiences ... just make sure you leave before the girl comes
/r/WhereAreAllTheGoodMen29/09/23 04:32 AM
1

I am kind of a simular situation... a bit different. My stbxw earns less than I do. 2 kids. Son 13, daughter 16. Both legally allowed to choose where to live. Son lives with me 100%, daughter to 50%. Custody is always 50% automatically, she has the legal right to visits but son visited her 3 times for 2 hours in 6 weeks. Bc I earn more I pay a little bit for our daughter 80 but bc son is with me she has to pay 520 to me. So I get 440 from her each month. I earn 4200 a month and she earns 2700 a …
/r/Divorce_Men28/09/23 04:04 AM
7

Thank god I am blessed!
/r/WhereAreAllTheGoodMen24/09/23 02:45 PM
2

And you will be longing for the days you are experiencing now! Now you can take them everywhere and do anything with them they will love it and they will remember you for these days. Mine are 13 and 16. And I have to beg to get time with them. I ask for nothing else on my birthday as to give us time together :-) My eldest daughter now is slowly coming back on puberty and has started doing things with me again and I love it. We visit fleemarkets together and will start to do a day in the week spo…
/r/Divorce_Men24/09/23 10:20 AM
6

One comment my stbxw made within the period of seperation and still living in the same apartment was: "and I even set you up with children" It was within a rage of sentences which hardly made sence. I didn't care about it until later. Why the fuck did she say that. Then I remembered, I broke up with her after 5-6 years and we were seperated for 7 months (25 years relation). I had the best time of my life, making so many friends and fucked though the entire female population of our city (I am goo…
/r/Divorce_Men23/09/23 04:59 AM
2

Yep bumble hardly has fakes it's great
/r/Divorce_Men22/09/23 09:01 AM
2

It's bad but not that bad brother... just don't connect too much. Play the game and use what you need...
/r/Divorce_Men22/09/23 07:50 AM
7

What I don't miss: - I bought 1-2 packages of toilet paper a week. She is now 5 weeks gone. After week 3 we had so much toilet paper I didn't buy any anymore and I guess in 2-3 weeks I have to buy it again... wtf did she do with all that toilet paper? we went shopping every saturday, with a total amount of around 200 euros a week. I was kind of nervous if we would make it cause the groceries were not cheap... already told my 2 kids, well we might have to eat a bit less and not buy any sweets or …
/r/Divorce_Men20/09/23 05:55 PM
2

Thanks brother! I get that sex isn't always is about love, but we hardly fighted with eachother, kisses all the time, touching her but few times a week... and walking hand in hand in our neighbourhood especially since corona. I am really sorry I didn't get those signs... yeah there were other issues.. but also hardly mentioned them... from a man one does expect that sex isn't love but women mostly, at least in my humble opinion, do connect sex with love... Whatever I'm gonna fuck again soon but …
/r/Divorce_Men20/09/23 05:14 PM
1

Feel you. It's hard to move on I also don't know the answer to how to do that.... it is easy to say... My ex wife is not famous but sometimes on local television and in the newspapers. It's hard to get out of her way. Our kids are old enough to not have to bring them to each other and go to her and me when ever they like to. I went no contact, only emailing about finances and our teenagers... I kown I will have to speak to her again may 2024, and then I will see her again june 2026... I hope I m…
/r/Divorce_Men20/09/23 05:53 AM
12

That's what I thought... she wasn't attracted to you anymore... at that moment people start doing the things they do like they are sisters and brothers which they learned to do at home when they were kids.. which is very nasty. She probably never made thoughts about herself and these attitudes then ofc will return in another relationship... but later on if i it goes downstream I hope you can move on and forget about her. You mention so often that you make more money that it feels kind of obsessi…
/r/Divorce_Men20/09/23 05:11 AM
1

I am using old but just as a kind of social experiment cause I am not ready for a new relationship. I am testing photos from myself and checking out which work best. There are tools online to check your photo before you use it in your profile. Check out: https://www.photofeeler.com There are also a lot of good tipps about what kind of photo you should use. I never made selfies and made photos from myself with a tripod... the photos which got a high ranking at photofeeler turned out to be best. T…
/r/Divorce_Men19/09/23 04:19 AM
1

And what if you don't have the default model? I mean my model isn't famous but very known in a certain industry behind the scenes... I knew I could meet people on dates who would know her but didn't think that already on my 4th date I met a woman who knows her... and then things get bad....
/r/Divorce_Men18/09/23 08:40 PM
2

25 years marriage, minimum was once a week sometimes 2-3 times... in the second last year I got a goodmorning blowjob dailey... guess why I was blindsided.. I thought we were happy especially cause we had lots of sex... never thought she didn't love me anymore... she blamed we used toys ... eventhough I was the first one who ever cared about the fact a woman needs an orgasm too... so rather quickly she ends up with having 2-4 orgasms each time we had sex... for 25 years... Now I really like to m…
/r/Divorce_Men18/09/23 06:44 PM
3

Yeah that's a kind of fucked up... that the people you meet are largely in the same situation... the conversations are rather focused on the divorcing and kids... I tried to prevent it but as soon as I tell my son lives to 100% with me (so we won't go there to fuck) a zillion questions arise and it starts to get one sided...
/r/Divorce_Men18/09/23 05:39 PM
5

Lol yeah mine also said something like that... she perhaps wants to be with a woman now...good luck honey... and instead of "don't give up" it was "no surrender" The word "nuked" totally fits... 25 years in the gutter.... but I am a lucky guy, I kept the children, the apartment and she is now paying me...
/r/Divorce_Men18/09/23 11:46 AM
2

Just tell her you lost your job, or there has been some reorganizing in the company you work in and now get less money, and at the moment you are not sure if you make it through the month.... How unfortunate... you will tell her at the end of the month if you make it.... you don't
/r/Divorce_Men16/09/23 07:26 AM
1

After cleaning the apartment from all her stuff, I found many shopping bags from "yves saint laurent" and "georgio armani" and others... ...and I always wondered why we didn't have any money at the end of the month....
/r/Divorce_Men16/09/23 07:24 AM
3

I also think this rule is bollocks. If you need sex and you can get it, go for it. No matter how long after the divorce. Human experiences are not all equal.
/r/Divorce_Men16/09/23 07:19 AM
0

The Germans didn't bomb pearl harbor.... the Japanese did
/r/Divorce_Men14/09/23 09:02 PM
3

I really like the answer here from "mode234" It explains very good the sudden and unexpected break up. It also confirms what I thought was ein in my past relationship; we didn't communicate enough and I was not part of her inner world. Mode234 writes: It’s doubtful it was over just because her ex texted her. She had already checked out of the relationship. This explains. What do you do when your breakup appears to be out of the blue? How do you begin to process, heal and move forward when your p…
/r/Divorce_Men14/09/23 05:10 AM
1

Thanks!!!
/r/Divorce_Men11/09/23 07:20 PM
2

I like your comment especially number 6. yes that should be my goal. We, me and the kids, are already planing our first holiday alone. I am getting them to activly take more part in our family live together. Discuss redecorating issues together. They even now go shopping again for food with me, which they didn't do for years (they are teenagers). Like any other year I asked for a do something together coupon, but realized I just want time together. So this year I didn't ask for a coupon but I wi…
/r/Divorce_Men11/09/23 06:00 AM
3

Then I guess I am moving fast :-) 8 months since she dropped it and in the 4th week of seperation, after 25 years...
/r/Divorce_Men11/09/23 05:14 AM
1

Is there a youtube url to be able to see this ad, I can't find it but did like to see it
/r/Divorce_Men11/09/23 05:08 AM
3

Is having to laugh about it all an up moment? I would prefer to feel indifference about it, and call that up, but that hasn't happen to me yet
/r/Divorce_Men11/09/23 05:03 AM
8

Interesting. I guess you mean with comical funny? I feel more angry then sad and lately I have to kind of laugh about everything what happened, like life is a bad joke. For me it's still like, omg is this really happening (shorter moments like flashes), then moments come where I miss everything, most of the time I am angry at her for giving this all up, and to be able to move on I have to laugh at life...
/r/Divorce_Men11/09/23 04:57 AM
11

It's a joke dude
/r/Divorce_Men05/09/23 09:58 PM
6

My stbxw joined a pilatus sports group for 5 years with women ony, 50% was divorce now it's 70%. They also hanged out with eachother after sports.. They always came to gratulate her to her birthday but never came in. I heard all the bs stories over the years and I afraid from the start that this would turn out bad. On her lists of things she wanted to do when she would move out was: meeting friends at her new place. I said well that's something you can do any day here too... yeah but you don't l…
/r/Divorce_Men04/09/23 05:14 PM
1

Is that a fact that you will never feel that powerfull love again or just your experience?
/r/Divorce_Men04/09/23 09:13 AM
2

Exactly
/r/Divorce_Men04/09/23 04:28 AM
0

If she is the one who broke up, she is now in a short window of regret. If you want to be together with her again or try. Do it now. Ask her out for a date. If not just ignore, this emotional phase will also pass for her.
/r/Divorce_Men03/09/23 05:28 AM
3

I feel you. I feel the anger too but in my situation I think there was no other, at least not physicly. I have no advice but I can tell you what I think. You mention the alcoholic problems you had. I had them too and covid made the problem worse. Still I "functioned" and made a living. My stbxw lost attraction for me over time without me realizing this. If you check couple counceling the are many ways to get back together but most counclers stop at the 3A's Abuse, A...(forgot the second A I edit…
/r/Divorce_Men02/09/23 05:18 AM
3

It's good. I did this in the relationship I had before my 25 years of marriage. And while splitting up all stuff I found them again... was great to read...
/r/Divorce_Men01/09/23 05:21 PM
1

I guess... You'll have to find something for your mind, find something you think is worthy. Something that will give you a mental boost. Perhaps start to do volentary work? A soup kitchen for the homeless perhaps? Sometimes doing art works too, photography perhaps? I am also still depressed and feel like nothing has value around me (besides my kids), we collected art and design objects and they are mostly all here around me. They had some meaning when we bought them together. They all look beaut…
/r/Divorce_Men01/09/23 04:16 AM
1

That is absolutely treu. But hearing the one step by step and one day by day, it hears like an AA meeting but I guess that's basicly it. You were addicted to love or this state of living and you are now feeling the symptones of withdrawl or even a cold turkey if it is just right after the split.
/r/Divorce_Men01/09/23 04:02 AM
3

That's crazy, and really hard to live with. Hope there will be better days for you brother! I don't know a lot about medication addictions but this sounds like it.
/r/Divorce_Men01/09/23 02:35 AM
3

Yeah sure that will help for sure I think so too. But I my native language there is a saying which can't really be directly translated into english. The clostest is: "You will always be close to my heart, even when you are far away" Since I left for abroad I didn't see my grandmother a lot anymore, but when I saw her she always said this to me. I should not worry that we don't see eachother I would always be close. For my native country is one of the countries from the age of discoveries we have…
/r/Divorce_Men28/08/23 03:45 AM
1

Number 6 is missing 6. Are you still attracted to eachother? Love is not always connected to attraction. If there is love but no attraction you can end up like roommates too
/r/Divorce_Men27/08/23 09:38 PM
2

Perhaps it's bc of their age? Last possibility to get a child....
/r/Divorce_Men26/08/23 12:37 PM
2

That's what our daughter (16) says to me.. oh daddy it's not that bad it's really normal to divorce...
/r/Divorce_Men26/08/23 05:59 AM
2

How to build up a world wide divorce group.... The problem one has here is that unlike for example the AA, divorce is a temporarely situation but one needs people who run the meetings in the long term. In organisation like the AA the problems are permanent therefor people stay for years. The only thing I can think of is that the meetings are run or organised by a vicar or a priest. Many AA meetings are in churches but the churches only give them the space (mostly rent free) nothing more...
/r/Divorce_Men26/08/23 05:56 AM
2

It wonders me that there isn't a world wide organized selfhelp support group in every big city. Those meetings would be full on a daily basis. I would go to one if it would exist.
/r/Divorce_Men26/08/23 04:52 AM
2

Not sure if this adds to what you write up but this is my hormon story: Well every body thinks it is not treu and if treu only a small part of our problems (like the fights we never had?) But my stbxw had to stop birthcontrol bc of her age said her gynecologist. She then got all sorts of problems and I helped her getting the pill back again over the Internet, cause her doctor didn't want to prescribe anymore. At the same time she had all kinds of premenomentalpause effects (how you write that ag…
/r/Divorce_Men26/08/23 04:43 AM
1

Not possible. One needs to be seperated for 1 year. I have the documents from her official move out to another apartment. This is the official seperation date. I can file next year and start the process in 9 months. If I start the process now I have to pay alimony, which she refused but if I file I have to. Problem is I lost my job (won't be long before I starz working and I get 67% of my pay for 6 months) and just can't pay alimony but alimony is calculated over the time before seperation.... s…
/r/Divorce_Men25/08/23 08:16 PM
2

That's what I think too and since she is saying oh well we don't need a divorce immeadiately (each more year she gets half of my pension) I guess it is better that I have it, for I will file as soon as possible ... in mai 2024 :-(
/r/Divorce_Men25/08/23 12:49 PM
1

Yeah I don't see the point in a fight here too. Only reason to have them is that we would use one lawyer only. I pick 3, she chooses the one. And then I guess the lawyer which I will rent needs those certificates. It's a trick here where I am to save money to use one lawyer only. Since we cleared everything already and we not file for divorce ourselves here we only need the lawyer as messanger Still it's unnessecary to want to be then back... I'll probably need them first anyway
/r/Divorce_Men25/08/23 12:04 PM
0

All same thoughs here stbxw is 54, (me 50) I loved it to see her get old and my love for her only grew. Mine looks like an Instagram model unless you would zoom in... She now presumably will get the fucks she missed, till she is too old to and will be alone in the last days. She even knows that but prefers to enjoy her last years, cause she thinks she might not want to have sex anymore when she is 65, and prefers to be alone if that's what it takes to get what she wants now. Whatever... the thou…
/r/Divorce_Men24/08/23 03:06 PM
3

I don't personally feel like that I already did have a lot of chores, only got 1 more now... we just got a lot of space now in our apartment
/r/Divorce_Men24/08/23 01:08 PM
2

Yeah it isn't easy.... and knowning that hapiness is only a state of the mind, I really do wonder who got this messed up idea to invent life. I would have rejected this project before it went live. I guess it was the philosopher Schiller... he had a neighbour who had a cock waking him up every night, he got crazy and didn't had enough sleep. So he asked his servant to buy the cock of the neighbours and serve it as dinner. Same night the servant served the cock at dinner and Schiller was so happy…
/r/Divorce_Men24/08/23 12:37 PM
4

Yeah and even if not, redoing memopause situations in a relationship is not on my bucketlist...
/r/Divorce_Men24/08/23 11:58 AM
2

No I don't want her back anymore. Never again. I wouldn't take the risk of having to go through this feeling again...
/r/Divorce_Men24/08/23 11:41 AM
2

There really should be at least a netflix serien about this
/r/Divorce_Men24/08/23 07:51 AM
2

Oh my
/r/Divorce_Men24/08/23 06:14 AM
5

I am only seperated not divorced yet and I know it is a bad idea to date. I did check out OLD and chat with several women, and met one for a coffee. The woman I drank a coffee with was a business woman and I realised I had already met her 15 years ago in her office while discussing new software for her company. That was kind of funny. She lied about her age and her foto online was from at least 10 years ago. I was kind of happy cause we weren't going for anything but friendship here. It was a ni…
/r/Divorce_Men24/08/23 06:01 AM
8

The faking hurt me the most, why on Earth do people do that...
/r/Divorce_Men23/08/23 08:24 PM
5

Sounds like all things came together for her, kids gone, new job, lots of friends who divorced, perhaps prememopause, and some kind of platonic friends who pushed her thoughts towards this... that shit happens ... tell me... 25 years as if it was nothing... 8 months of stress in total, and it took only 2 months to end everything and to never talk with eachother again Somewhere you too seemed to hat lost your love for eachother and we men didn't see it... I mean I didn't even really cry yet... I …
/r/Divorce_Men23/08/23 06:44 PM
2

I read that old friendships make one more happy while getting old, you just gave this line in a book a lot of more meaning to me.
/r/Divorce_Men23/08/23 04:55 AM
3

All great books!
/r/Divorce_Men22/08/23 04:41 PM
1

No the books listed here are great and way more objective then the comments here... on the comments do resemble the books but those are easy reads... took me 1-2 days each
/r/Divorce_Men22/08/23 03:56 PM
2

He is 13.... and yes he did have a "girlfriend" but not long bc he found it silly and found himself too young for that
/r/Divorce_Men22/08/23 02:00 PM
1

Do you drink?
/r/Divorce_Men22/08/23 05:13 AM
4

My stbxw said she can imagine being friends with me like she is with [name][name] (all ex lovers from her early 20's). It was a humilation to me to be called in this list of man who never even made her come and all are boring as hell. And even mean to her. Who only get a birthday wish message every year. I said we can be civil if we need to communicate about our children but I just can't lie to myself and pretend it was all just nothing. I do not see any reason for us to communicate about our ki…
/r/Divorce_Men22/08/23 05:06 AM
2

Got that. I tried to fix and help out before she moved out I saw it was no use and stayed completly out of it. Don't know if we ended on good terms, I guess so. Seperation contract is good. But I insist on no contact and won't have any. She has till sept 1 to get things she forgot... she did ofc. I collect them at the moment and daughter can take them to her when she is here (elder daughter stays 50% at stbxw). Still the topic stbxw is there and will be there. Should I say when he mentions her s…
/r/Divorce_Men21/08/23 05:39 PM
8

We all need people who love us weather it's a wife, girlfriend, friends etc etc we all need love
/r/Divorce_Men21/08/23 03:14 PM
1

Yeah it was, took some photos while he slept... I guess that will bind us for a long tome
/r/Divorce_Men21/08/23 01:57 PM
1

Yeah sure. At the moment he thinks that his mother should call and ask him to come before that he won't... thing is Monday he will go on a 2.5 week camping trip with school where Mobil phones are forbidden. So if she doesn't call him this week she won't see him for a long time... Weird thing was, he got a letter from his mother before she left us. I didn't read it. He told me, she said she can't say this good in words and gave him this letter, but it only says she loves him and hope they'll see …
/r/Divorce_Men21/08/23 12:59 PM
2

Awesome!
/r/Divorce_Men20/08/23 11:29 PM
7

This is exactly what my stbxw wanted. Being friends and doing stuff together with the kids... like holiday. Unfortunately we had to do a holiday together cause we booked it and couldn't cancel it, it was our last. Ever since I told her I will not be friends with her, things went down stream. We never had fights but now e started fighting. Perhaps it depends how old the is are. Ours are 13 and 16, so going to the zoo etc isn't an option anymore. I couldn't and can't live by the idea of being frie…
/r/Divorce_Men20/08/23 11:17 AM
10

Or wanting to bang but in this case it's obvious banging
/r/Divorce_Men20/08/23 08:49 AM
25

I guess everybody will say here: looks like she is having an affair partner and will file for divorce as soon as she knows the new relationship is stable enough....
/r/Divorce_Men20/08/23 07:18 AM
3

What I personally think is horrible are the profiles which say: 50% mother, 50% woman
/r/Divorce_Men20/08/23 07:08 AM
2

No way man. I selected them myself I love them, mil paid them, and we really need to site somewhere around the table :-)
/r/Divorce_Men19/08/23 06:15 PM
2

Surely he will visit her, I'll make sure he does. He is very emphatic, really beyond words... he sees things other don't. But letting out his own griev is slow, guess the kids are in survival mode a bit.
/r/Divorce_Men19/08/23 06:14 PM
3

Poor poor guy
/r/Divorce_Men19/08/23 04:32 PM
2

No that didn't happen, she even left 5 instead of 4 of our designer chairs. The only thing was a door not being there anymore they just forget to put it back in there. She was fair and I had no reason to believe she would steal anything. Not all stbxw's are thiefs. But thanks for being concerned. Yes now we can finally move forwards!
/r/Divorce_Men19/08/23 01:23 PM
1

If we don't extinct before marriage gets saved!
/r/Divorce_Men17/08/23 10:55 PM
1

Might be the case in the usa but not here
/r/Divorce_Men17/08/23 04:04 PM
1

It were not flyers, sorry for my wrong english, but a serial printed text on which she wrote the names personally. So goodbey letters without covert would be a better description.
/r/Divorce_Men17/08/23 01:08 PM
16

She started to do a lot of sport and jogging, lost weight and said: I want to look good for my man. Didn't know that man wasn't me. (Man = also husband in my language)
/r/Divorce_Men17/08/23 12:19 PM
2

It's not age restricted... I am 50 too and did couples theraphy too ... didn't work but it is worth a try
/r/Divorce_Men17/08/23 09:58 AM
1

In my country the divorce rates of people over 45 are going up: the doubled the past 10 years. But divorces under that age are stable...
/r/Divorce_Men17/08/23 06:58 AM
1

Could be teenage behaviuor... she is in prememopause at the moment... which did sometimes result in having a teenager of 54 yo
/r/Divorce_Men17/08/23 04:25 AM
2

Yeah well I did that a while especially if we did have dinner with the kids. Didn't really helped a lot, made her more insecure.. I made the mistake not to do that from the strart and almost begged her to stay, but as I have read too late that makes them leave... and it did. Since I know when she is leaving I have explicitly told her I will go no contact till our first lawyer appointment in may 2024 guess she doesn't believe that. Eventhough I made a seperation contract which says so. Guess ever…
/r/Divorce_Men17/08/23 04:24 AM
4

Didn't want to mention that cause that she does all the time anyway
/r/Divorce_Men17/08/23 04:13 AM
2

Might be, I mentioned that she is burping rather often lately a few days back. But never said another word about it, nor anything about the smacking. But it is hard not to say anything
/r/Divorce_Men16/08/23 08:07 PM
1

Thanks for all answers! Fyi I didn't want to hurt her too much by sending this video without me as a last message before I would block her number. Many friends told me I shouldn't send it. Still I wanted her to see it so I did it controlled. There was an opertunity this morning (3 days before she is leaving and going nc from me). She huged me early in the morning, very long, and said she doesn't know if this is all right. I said: it is a huge mistake, it went way to quick and we are throwing awa…
/r/Divorce_Men16/08/23 07:59 PM
4

Couples therapy?
/r/Divorce_Men16/08/23 06:16 PM
3

I know that feeling.... my stbxw started pilates for a few years and now looks like a man. I didn't mind but I hated it when she also started dressing so one could she her muscles and was showing off her arm muscles to people at parties. I had to walk away when that happened... The way you describe it like the areas of loosen skin with muscles underneath... yeah that is it exactly... I mean she is 54 one could see her wrinkles badly already when she was 30 and now these are multiplied by 10. She…
/r/Divorce_Men15/08/23 02:47 PM
3

Exactly, with words you make yourself vunerable and she will exploit that especially towards your kids.. especially because you are denying her friendship. She can interpretate your words totally different and show it to anybody: look it's here black on white. Be civil and respectfull but nothing more. Keep your head cool. And don't take her back.
/r/Divorce_Men15/08/23 05:19 AM
1

Making a new business sounds great, it's fun and sucks your time away. But it should be about finding yourself back again... says the internet https://mensgroup.com/life-after-divorce-for-men
/r/Divorce_Men14/08/23 03:18 PM
1

I am aware of that. It will take a while before everything is normal. It's good to write here and talk in self help groups. I showed my best friend this video and asked if I should show it to her and he said: no. It's like cutting with a knife in an open wound... unless you want that ofc... I said yes, I do. Not sure about that today but I'll see later, don't want to throw this into the ring as long as she is still there... Today I realized again that eventhough she never talks to me she send me…
/r/Divorce_Men14/08/23 01:50 PM
1

Ah you wrote the bucket hole story/post... I read that and had a lot of thoughts about it... I am kind of having mixed feelings with the bucket thought... but an interesting theory for sure. I personally think it's about communication and we never had this. I broke up with her after year 6 then we were seperated for a year. I demanded to communicate more if we would continue... we continued got kids got married and no time to communicate... we had good sex till the last day at least it was prese…
/r/Divorce_Men14/08/23 06:53 AM
1

That is treu and I wish one could have told me this before one got married
/r/Divorce_Men13/08/23 08:07 PM
3

This was a problem in our marriage too. I paid all costs and she diverse stuff and groceries... we had between 8K and 10k a month ... our kids now have absolutely no idea how money works cause no wasn't in her vocabulary either. Nothing left at the end of the month which is kind of shamefull... We are now downsizing and we will now see how things end up. But this wasn't why we divorced I guess this happens a lot with different budgets... I just didn't say anything about it anymore for we had pla…
/r/Divorce_Men13/08/23 06:13 PM
1

That might be treu and honestly I don't care anymore. Everybody can have her. It was really painfull even physicly but I one day suddenly noticed it's gone. Way too quick I guess and I guess there will be lonely and days of grief to come. I am kind of really looking forward to the day that she is gone and not having to live by her control. She started packing and tried to re organise the things which are mine, I had to friendly stop her and tell her to just drop it somewhere in a corner. We will…
/r/Divorce_Men12/08/23 10:33 PM
1

If that's treu I'll tell you about it. I am not sure, I think that there is somebody swirling around her but I am not sure if it is platonic or not or even a man... can also be a woman
/r/Divorce_Men12/08/23 09:38 PM
3

I am lucky that I won't be a parttime dad for my son. He stays with me and won't have a room at stbxw. His home stays his home, mom is just gone. He'll have to live with that though... But yes their children won't have 1 place to go to for Christmas and Thanksgiven.
/r/Divorce_Men12/08/23 05:35 PM
1

Thank you!
/r/Divorce_Men12/08/23 05:29 PM
6

Oh btw when go home first thing she said is that our daughter said we did great. So she found it a success. I replied with; it was for sure that it would work but there real question is why, why did we do this when you know I do not want to see you ever again.
/r/Divorce_Men12/08/23 09:12 AM
3

No no no that's not it... and I have to say she is fair considering the finances.
/r/Divorce_Men12/08/23 09:03 AM
2

Read me Profil and comments you'll see. I am definitely not unguilty, but at the end it's not 1 thing it are many. I had a drinking problem that's for sure. I went to theraphy and worked hard on myself. It wasn't enough and I get that, I am not angry with her. I do think it's too easy to leave after 25 years but that you can't ask for in my case. But now I also see her flaws and why I don't want to be with her anymore. I am done too. Took 8 months to get here and the final straw off ending it an…
/r/Divorce_Men12/08/23 09:01 AM
5

Does getting some other pussy counts as being good to yourself? I have one on the menu for today but I am not sure yet. I know one shouldn't date and start something new and I won't but I think it will strengthen me at least for a week...
/r/Divorce_Men12/08/23 08:56 AM
1

Great you also see what I saw. It's kind of a bad movie. And the text contradicts everything you see. The text makes more impact in the language we speak this is just a translation. I asked a few female friends what they thought of it and they said it's heartbreaking. Well I guess I need that to show, that's how I felt in the begining. That's what I want to be the last memory of me. I first thought of a longer video with more examples but this will impact more. And you can more easily loop this …
/r/Divorce_Men12/08/23 08:43 AM
9

I won't. That's but no worries mate. She won't benifit one more second from me. Next time we see eachother is at court. And then in a few years at the graduation of the kids but that's it. I'll prepare at least our son to never marry Funny thing, everything we did was an initiating of what I proposed, there was zero input from her. She was shooting fotos from me where I tried not to have her in the view... I really wondered why she wants to have those photos... and ofc she shot selfies whereever…
/r/Divorce_Men12/08/23 08:27 AM
7

Thanks man. These are just the last photos I took and while I was kind of... why are we making fotos now? I realized this small video was the last one of us 4. I still have thausends of unfinished holiday fotos which I planned to make books from, but now I won't. That's kind of weird. And yes I am already moving on. This holiday just sucked especially for playing something which isn't. My feelings for stbxw are gone. I have nothing to say to her anymore. And I am already celebrating that next we…
/r/Divorce_Men12/08/23 08:18 AM
12

Not sure I drank too much the past 3 years. I stopped after I got the ILYBNILWY, got into therapy and changed my life... tried everything to get her back but I gave up... it wasn't enough... perhaps you are right I don't know... we'll see... I don't care anymore
/r/Divorce_Men12/08/23 05:52 AM
2

Yeah the responsibility is to your kids but that means that they shouldn't hate their mother. It is the best that the kids love both equally. I also thought I could make this bond better but it didn't work. So yes you are right. It is though very Understandable that a good dad wants the best for his kids and that means that three kids schuld love their parents equally, unfortunately this is not in our hands. I had to learn that too, K gave up. It is not my task to do. Presumsbly the only thing y…
/r/Divorce_Men11/08/23 03:46 PM
5

There are parenting apps you can use. So you can communicate over the app, and block anything else from her, and only checkin once a week.
/r/Divorce_Men06/08/23 03:39 PM
3

Yeah I saw that post too... horrible
/r/Divorce_Men05/08/23 04:04 PM
6

Will you believe her?
/r/Divorce_Men05/08/23 11:11 AM
6

And don't forget the traumatized kids... our daughter thinks this is normal but our son sees through it, immediately saw she broke up with me eventhough the story was it's mutual. Lost complete intrest in his mother, eventhough he loved her a lot. She totally broke his heart. I tried and try to do anything possible to let him remain a bond with her... but he is not interested in that anymore... and I am kind of giving up trying to help stbxw. He thinks she is annoying now for she suddenly now wa…
/r/Divorce_Men05/08/23 07:15 AM
4

Yes exactly
/r/Divorce_Men05/08/23 07:08 AM
8

Instagram divorce coach, shared with (girls)friends in Germany: how to divorce quick and enjoying all benifits of the law: https://instagram.com/scheidungscoaching?igshid=MzRlODBiNWFlZA== Preparations with a lawyer: https://instagram.com/diescheidungsanwaeltin?igshid=MzRlODBiNWFlZA== And there are many many more The ones who don't use Instagram get those URLs offline from friends... But I also think covid was an accelerator to all this
/r/Divorce_Men05/08/23 07:01 AM
9

I can't say what it is. But I do have an opinion which might be off... it is just a thought I think though that self-determination is a big part of it, the right of our own hapiness and seeing mann and women as equals with the only difference that women can make children. Which is basically all fine and great. This all started with the third feminist wave, which started in the 90's and is now more known I guess. Lots of laws were made in which women benifit. Which is ofc great. But men basicly d…
/r/Divorce_Men05/08/23 06:52 AM
1

Lol !! Well my stbxw has a short memory (serious!) guess that's what took us so long... I had to tell her how and why we got married, which wasn't romantic at all. And many more things she just can't remember, sometimes I have doubt about that but it seems to be genuin.
/r/Divorce_Men05/08/23 04:22 AM
1

I would recommend to read the book "Models: attract women by honesty" by Mark Manson. Not bc you want to date or find a great woman right now, it seems you can choose somehow. The book explains needyness or none needyness, and it explains to be able to choose the right woman for you. You will have to find it yourself, the book could guide you a bit I think. I first thought marrying bc of pratical reasons is totally off I think but on the otherhand your hotgirlfriend is the one who you met bc you…
/r/Divorce_Men02/08/23 12:37 PM
1

More to come? Oh my :-(
/r/Divorce_Men30/07/23 09:12 AM
1

That helps! Thanks! And f **me I also did inform my job because I felt it was needed for my performance went down. I yesterday started reading in "attract women by honesty" sounds like it doesn't have anything to do with it. But it somehow is. The pain from the seperation is needyness. For not loving myself the past years I needed my stbxw to confirm this constantly which was done with al lot of negativities. And for giving up a lot of my social life I hung myself up in this marriage. The differ…
/r/Divorce_Men30/07/23 03:54 AM
1

That's nice to hear, I already wanted to delete the text cause it might have been a bit out of contex
/r/Divorce_Men29/07/23 03:03 PM
2

Oh and btw this is nice to read: https://magnetofsuccess.com/stages-of-break-up-dumper/ She can still be in a rebound... but who cares you need to move on
/r/Divorce_Men29/07/23 02:24 PM
3

serenity Grant me the serenity to accept what I cannot change, the courage to change what I can, and the wisdom to know the difference. I am not religous but this quote or prayer is the only thing that keeps me above water at the moment and ofc my kids. What helped me with the sleeping (and I still didn't sleep well,4.5 hours a day is still too short) is to try to concentrate on the moment and not the past nor the future. If thinking of the future make it a positiv one, Imagine you being happy t…
/r/Divorce_Men29/07/23 02:19 PM
3

Great to hear! I am in the same boat but only 7 months in.... still in seperation. Everybody saw I improved and really changed (thanks to AA). But I do have a broken heart now... But guess what... stbxw will leave us next month, I get the apartment and the kids 50/50 and 100 ... still don't really get that. Our youngest wants to stay with me, and I've been trying to do my best to get their relationship better. But that doesn't seem to work. After talking with him yesterday he told me, he feels l…
/r/Divorce_Men25/07/23 12:34 PM
3

To be able to tell everybody we tried a lot but it didn't work out... my stbxw is even telling the neighbours we went to counseling to fix everything. But the counseling was my idea and it started right off with she telling there is no chance it will work out anymore...
/r/Divorce_Men25/07/23 04:51 AM
3

Damm happiness thing.... and then they still want to be friends right?
/r/Divorce_Men25/07/23 04:28 AM
2

I found the book rebuilding - when your relationship ends by bruce fisher good to read to understand a bit more about what has happened...
/r/Divorce_Men23/07/23 03:00 AM
2

My stbxw did almost the same. She did talk about that things were not okay at home to her brother and mother. My bestfriend then warned me, in our country this kind of conservative people tell their parents and family as the last persons to tell. For she opened the door now, you can be sure she is done. He was right. After this conversation things went really downhill at home. She only needed to hear: we are behind you at all times. There was no stopping the divorce anymore. And she started tryi…
/r/Divorce_Men23/07/23 02:13 AM
1

There won't be a fight when she is packing and leaving. I was away for a week last week and it was great to be without tension all the time... for me it will be great. She is telling everybody this was a desicion we both took but it is not. That's kind of weird. My son didn't take it for he could see she isn't sad.. she cried but that was not out of sadness our son said. She will have to give back the key as soon as she left and I will go no contact as good as it can be. I already told her that …
/r/Divorce_Men22/07/23 08:28 PM
1

Thanks for your answer. We are in Europe, our son can decide where he wants to stay, yes he shall have to tell a judge at that age. But court will take one year bc we need a year seperation, at that time our son will be 14, then he is legally free to choose. For we know that we decided before we told them that the kids could decide themselves. I bought almost everything in this apartment but not the car. She keeps the car we keep the rest. We may borrow it though, but here we don't really need a…
/r/Divorce_Men22/07/23 05:54 PM
1

Not exactly. Perhaps in the begining...I don't want to show off but I don't know the amount of women I slept with... I stopped counting years ago... and at that point it doesn't really get better with each (sex)partner.
/r/Divorce_Men22/07/23 09:24 AM
3

I want to give my ring back to her. The rings were a gift from her grandmother: it were the rings her parents wore till their death. I would ask to not take out my name and pass it on to one of our children... but perhaps I can do that myself eventhough I think stbxw should have them
/r/Divorce_Men17/07/23 07:19 AM
1

Not always, it's mostly something platonic. When I found out that in my stbxw new sports group there was a majority of divorced women I got bad dreams immediately... ofc didn't believe it would effect her... but it definitely did. I asked once why did girlfriend A from sports got married and fell in love with her exhusband, she said because his name reminded her of a youthlove... my cheeks fell down cause my stbxw didn't make any thoughts about it as it was the most normal thing in the world....…
/r/Divorce_Men10/07/23 09:32 AM
3

Isn't it called light switch divorce? I found reading it good to read Rebuilding - when our relationship ends By bruce fisher It's the rebeliontype I guess
/r/Divorce_Men10/07/23 09:12 AM
3

Thanks this is very helpfull to read!
/r/Divorce_Men10/07/23 09:07 AM
1

Don't think so. One needs clear words to enter the mind of a drunk. Getting upset didn't work. Nor asking for anything. She won't do anything unless she sees the connection. Perhaps she never will just saying it's worth a try.
/r/Divorce_Men06/07/23 01:43 PM
1

Exactly, if the reason you marry is love only, why can't money stay out of it. That can only be done with a prenup. Friendships end when they are figthing about money. Just leave it out and there is less to fight about later and in between you can both enjoy it.
/r/Divorce_Men06/07/23 11:31 AM
0

Make clear to her you are losing the love you have for her and will go away with your child if she continues like this. Tell her in a moment of sobriaty.
/r/Divorce_Men06/07/23 03:29 AM
1

I saw a (female) fancy lawyer on instagram who helps women to bypass prenup's. Since some prenup's loose their validation in law changes over the years. Don't know if that's the case in the usa but in Europe that can happen, prenups need to be checked and updated... everybody forgets about that She advertises with: quick fast and fair divorces. Become a happy queen again!
/r/Divorce_Men03/07/23 03:10 PM
1

Read several of your posts, very interesting to see that a lot is the same. I said to her this morning that it is also a possibility to leave her at home, and I go with the kids alone on our holiday. I paid for all costs it's in my name... she thinks it's not a good idea...or tell the kids before the holiday we broke up... better than in the holiday I think... or also afterwards... Why shouldwe delay telling the kids we broke up... I mean they are not very young... most funny thing... our rental…
/r/Divorce_Men02/07/23 06:58 PM
1

It's all Horrible... 25 years... and yes I see too where I went wrong but one can't change the past... I feel like falling into a depression at the moment .. it's too hard to except
/r/Divorce_Men02/07/23 04:01 PM
1

Thanks for answering! My wife wants to move out but that will take a while before we find an apartment
/r/Divorce_Men02/07/23 02:48 PM
1

We are in the same situation the kids also still don't know, seperated but still in the same house... they are 13 and 16... we don't know weather to tell them before or after the holiday... we told them we went to councling but nothing more.... would be bad if it is in the holiday. She insists to join in the holiday... I am so insecure what's right to do... holiday is in 3 weeks
/r/Divorce_Men02/07/23 02:25 PM
1

Was your holiday planned without her?
/r/Divorce_Men02/07/23 03:29 AM
2

You are so right ... dammm
/r/Divorce_Men27/06/23 12:04 PM
2

I feel you. I am just close before official seperation/divorce and I notice being a dad is everything to me. It's all that makes me happy in this moment. I feel chainged and paralyzed by not knowing if I will ever see them again or in how much I will see them again...
/r/Divorce_Men25/06/23 07:20 AM
1

Doesn't a seperation year needs some kind of official documantation?
/r/Divorce_Men23/06/23 01:24 PM
2

Same here, ofc different but basicly simular; waited till she healed all emotions gone and only then bring out the news... 25 years in the gutters
/r/Divorce_Men23/06/23 06:54 AM
1

Sounds like you are raping yourself
/r/Divorce_Men23/06/23 04:31 AM
2

Thanks for telling your story, it helps!
/r/Divorce_Men15/06/23 08:33 PM
1

After speaking today she sees it as an option again, especially I think because even if we don't make it the theraphy should prepaire us for a peaceful divorce. Thanks
/r/Divorce_Men15/06/23 09:32 AM
1

I got hourly fotos send where she and her mother were. They did talk about the situation, her family saw that I changed a lot in a short time and they loved it, they would not like to see our little family breakapart but their main interest is that she should be happy.
/r/Divorce_Men15/06/23 09:30 AM
1

Thanks for the sobering words and facts! I know I am doing this for myself and my children. Still I remain to have some hope...
/r/Divorce_Men15/06/23 09:26 AM
1

I think that all makes a lot of sense you say. Unfortunately I did had a bag of money because i got fired in November 2022, not because of alcohol I was let go with 10% of the staff. Found 2 jobs, 1 decent which I could stay for live and 1 excited and more unsure job which paid more. I choice the unsure job last minute bc of the December event with my wife. It would pay exactly 1 rent more and I would be able to pay 2 apartments now. I got the bag of money from the job I was let go and bc we wan…
/r/Divorce_Men15/06/23 03:30 AM
1

Thanks for your comments! I like the plan idea. I was the guy who could pick any (well not all ofc) women from the grocery store.. god gave me good looks... I choose her and got fat and a drunk, but today I changed and I am looking like my 30's again almost back at my same weight but I don't feel like I want to be in another relationship and also not in the near future. I love sex but not just for the sex. I can't even add a number to my list because I literaly lost count. And it's not important…
/r/Divorce_Men14/06/23 08:54 PM
1

Sorry I didn't ask a question in the text beside the title...
/r/Divorce_Men14/06/23 08:39 PM
1

I just realise perhaps it's just me ... making the problems worse... I wrote down notes over the past months and just found a note to myself in May 6th 2023 about kind of the same situation but in that situation I said to myself just enjoy the time you have left with her and shut up.... Perhaps the damage of the alcoholic abuse I did made me lose my mind or I can't think clearly enough
/r/Divorce_Men14/06/23 08:35 PM
1

Several things came up yesterday but all have positiv and negative sides like: She thinks she needs to take care of me cause I have no family besides my own and had a bad youth, but on the other hand I helped her get away from bolomi, helped her get a good job etc I annoy her because I am emotionally not super stable but on the other hand the joys I made her are rare and definitely not boring. I do not mind to have a fight with the neighbours or others and she only wants peace. I was friends wit…
/r/Divorce_Men14/06/23 08:32 PM
1

Thanks for your comment, Some are helpful.. I did not drink since the day she told me it's over. I did theraphy till the therapist said you don't need me to not drink you will manage. I still though go to the AA weekly. But defining shorter goals is something to try
/r/Divorce_Men14/06/23 08:17 PM
You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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